#just don't expect it of me and we'll be good
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 12 hours ago
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OKAY HELLO UH. SAVANACLAW DREAM UPDATE SPOILERS ?!?!!2!!2!2
THE. WAY BOTH JACK AND RUGGIE ADMIRE LEONA SO MYCH AND FEATURE HIM IN THEIR DREAMS 😭😭😭😭 Jack making Leona basically nOT HAVE DEPRESSION QUFBWKANDK 😭😭 and making him a fair player... Jack my boy... your dream is lovely but you made him do stuff hED NEVER DO 😭😭
AND RUGGIE. THE FACT HE AND LEONA NEVER MET IN THIS DREAM *BUT* THE AMAZING DRESM SCHOOL HE ATTENDS WAS SKGNKENAKjfkenalNIfjeksksn MADE/PROPOSED TO BE MADE (?) BY LEONA 😭😭😭 AND HE SAYS THAT PRINCE LEONA IS MORE POPULAR THAN FALENA AMONGST TYE YOUTH AJFNWKNudnekskalakdknsk tHEY WANT ME DEAD. D E A D.
and then ... ruggie says smth about him choosing the king he'll follow and LATER WHEN REFERRING TO LEONA HE SAYS SMTH TO JACK LIKE. "LET'S GO WAKE UP OUR KING" I'm fuckifnwjzbslakznaklNdkdkals akehueuqjakansksk THEY ADORE HIM SO MUCH. I CAN'T DO THIS.
So this means we'll get a full chapter ONLY for Leona's dream... I don't think we'll see him crying like Jack and Ruggie but GOD IF WE DO SEE THAT I'LL BE FOUND DEAD- i just knowwww that whichever way they go w it (the "he already knows it's a dream theory" or SMTH else), there WILL BE drama and I *WILL* die internally... my Leona plushies will pay the price (they will be hugged very tightly)
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[Referencing the book 7 part 11 update!]
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Me, coping: Oh, the book 7 Savanaclaw update is split into two parts? That means the first part must be dedicated to Jack and Ruggie and the second part must be Leona only. Surely this means I am free from being sniped in the Jack and Ruggie segment. Me, from the future:
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. . .
ME EXPERIENCING THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF ALL AT ONCE
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WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT 💀💀💀 I was kind of expecting some element of respecting their dorm leader to come up (definitely for Jack's), BUT NOT THIS EXTENT OTL
Of the two, Jack's dream was the more obvious one to feature Leona in a very positive light. His admiration for the guy was clear ever since book 2, in which Jack--someone who regularly sucks at expressing his feelings--confessed MULTIPLE TIMES that it was Leona's passionate magift play on TV that inspired Jack to follow in his footsteps. And that's why he was so disappointed to learn that the guy he admired all along was a scumbag that would play dirty to get ahead. The Leona in Jack's dream might be that version that Jack had in his head... The Leona he yearns for the attention and praise of, the Leona he thought was a virtuous leader who values hard work and good sportsmanship, the kind of person who gives speeches to inspire his team and helps people up by the hand when they fall. Another reading could be that this is the Leona Jack believes is still possible if he works toward it, because this dream seems to be set a YEAR after their loss to Diasomnia. And this is Leona at his best and most dangerous because he's throwing literally everything he has into this training, so he'll probably do the same in combat; Yuu and co. have to develop a whole strategy in advance to isolate Jack because they KNOW they're going to get blasted by dream!Leona if they give any inkling of trying to wake the dreamer up. JACK LITERALLY DREAMED ABOUT LEONA THRIVING, BEING HIS BEST SELF... Jack, the self-proclaimed LONE WOLF, who claims he doesn't like GROUP ACTIVITIES/SPORTS, longs to be part of the pack that LEONA leads... But he won't follow just anyone, Jack has standards AND LEONA APPARENTLY MEETS ALL OF THEM (or, in Jack's eyes, Leona can meet those standards).
THEN WHEN JACK WAKES UP... Hoo, boy... The way he was smiling but then broke down into shouts and sobs... That's literally got to be my favorite kind of emotional distress (part of why I loved Idia's breakdown when he was introducing his newly built little brother to the Styx researchers). You can hear how betrayed he feels in his voice, all the raw emotion that didn't come through as strongly in book 2. ASKHLBLBIASDIVDAI SORRY TO DUNK ON BOOK 2 AGAIN BUT IT'S TRUE. Jack's feelings of betrayal... They were so blunted there, it felt like he was reacting to a minor setback (he seems to easily shrug off being called a traitor by the guy he supposedly admires) rather than genuinely being hurt. I'm glad that the emotional weight that wasn't addressed then is finally getting the spotlight it deserves now.
Then Ruggie's dream???? 😭 That one caught me SO off-guard. The way it opens with Yuu and co. suspecting it's Leona's dream because they arrived in Sunrise City, one of the few industrialized places in Sunset Savanna... The lore review of how it's difficult to get the people to get behind developing the land due to how it would negatively impact the nature they want to live in harmony with (plus the brand-new reveal that these disagreements can become VIOLENT)... and Idia realizing that this, THIS is why Leona actually decided to take an internship at an energy and mining lab back home--because Leona realized he cannot change the country on his own, no matter how often he butts heads with his brother. He needs even more knowledge and a team to work with him. An NPC donut vendor lady randomly drops it on us that it's thanks the PRINCE LEONA that Ivorycliff Academy was able to be established. Not only that, but turns out Leona has graduated already and has spent his time after NRC building schools and establishing magift teams for Sunset Savanna (the latter being something Leona expressed interest in, as having a national sport and/or famous sporting teams can enhance his country's soft power). AND HE'S MORE POPULAR AMONG THE YOUTH THAN FALENA IS???????? MR. LEONA I-HATE-DEALING-WITH-KIDS KINGSCHOLAR IS POPULAR WITH... THE KIDS????? ? ?? ?? ?? ? ?? ?????? ?? ? 💀 The guy who claims to only help the underclassmen because they'd otherwise be an inconvenience to him... is admired by the same underclassmen... and now that has translated over to Ruggie's dream as the youth of Sunset Savanna loving him... OTL YOU'RE KIDDING ME RIGHT/????? ? ??? ? ??v????? ? ? ????
The most bewildering detail to me about Ruggie's dream is that he and Leona haven't met at all; Ruggie acts pretty clueless when asked about it and Leona graduated from a completely different school than him (NRC). There's no way they could have met, yet the dream still deemed that Leona was an important enough aspect of Ruggie's life that he was incorporated into it... and, unlike in real life, Leona now has the influence to make these systematic changes not just for bettering Ruggie's life, but the lives of everyone in Sunset Savanna...
UUUURURUGUUGHHGHHHHHHHGHGHHHHHHH H H HH H H HHHHHHH H H H HH H H AND THEN WWHEN RUGGIE FINALLY WAKES UP AND AND ANADNANDANDANASHADSNADSNADSNAN NDDDSDD SD SM ADSB,M ADSDBSM DDD HE CALLS HE WON'T FOLLOW A "FAKE KING", HE WANTS TO CHOSOE THE KING HE FOLLOWS 😭😭😭 RUGGIE TELLS JACK THEY SHOULD GO AND WAKE UP "OUR KING"... Ruggie, who constantly complains about how easy rich people have it and how hard Leona makes him work for his coin, is standing right here and HE'S CHOOSING LEONA.
This is all so crazy to think about because back in book 6 (citing the moment that broke me Yet Again, lmao) Leona implied that while he has hope in others (like Jamil), HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME HOPE FOR HIMSELF. But there's literally his whole dorm who trust him to lead them and their futures as professional athletes 😭 Jack who believes Leona is capable of being that shining, ideal senpai he dreamed of... Ruggie who believes Leona can and will change not only his life for the better, but also the lives of marginalized beastmen like hyenas, the younger generation, and heck, why not their whole country too... OTL
THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTDCOME FOR ME... . . . . ....... . .. . . . .. . / / / / / . . . .. . .. ... . . . ... . . YOU JAVE JACK'S DREAM SUPPLYING THE RELIABLE BIG BRO/ONII-SAN LEONA... THEN RUGIGE'S DREAM SUPPYL inG THE SMAR TDETERMINED PRINCE LEONA ... AND THEN NEXT UPDAT.E.XBBCXL V.CV . . . . . . . . ...... .. .. . . . . OTL ASCTUAL LEOPJNA DFGFAYVAFIVAVIYAIAGIGEIYGEPEIQAGfhgpaebpyrwqeg,hpgqeugqm[gqepg./l.,pjm9hmh4 gephmhurwhbaudavmudfsgnyofegnyoifui
GOD IF EW SEE THAT BITCH CRYi NG gkj eabihlaegbiaegibyegoqetpr13569 87q3tbkhl3o tyb6fOfonfOTFsugfaiugfanyoigFGION qit' S LEOVER FOR MEAMBFFVHAJVFFVEUGFO EOFAENYFEOFHdhmFSLJGADFsmf aLALLL OF HIS PENT IUP FRUSTRATIONS JUST SPILLING OIUT;V .F,DSBFAHLFLFFNODGOVSMHFAV UEGOFEAHMAEGDGSKPFSHIM THE RAGE AT MALLEUS DFN BAFVKJAFYGLAFGIDGIDGIODGSOIDN FOR FOTRICNG THIS LIE UPON HIMFDS NFASVAEFBLADFIOBY AGIOQEGONYFWmpdphGAMGobf IT'D BE SO SEXSYFDH HOT IF HE KNEW IT WAS A DREAM ALL ALONG PELEEEEEASE 🙏 I'M ONT MY HANDS NAD NDD KNEEESLSD DFS,SFHBAFLHAFDLI EO FQEYG VADGNOVSHUPVPUFFmhagyo 4wpeq/pll.,wjph9q80th9umpdbsaihoadnFSuov fsogyFSGUOFSu SNOGYAVUO FSA
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. Ah-HEM!! 😇 Sorry, I don't know what overcame me... I just blacked out and when I came to I don't remember what I was doing or saying for the past several minutes 💖 Now if you'll excuse me, I am filled with an intense desire to enact violence on the nearest lion-shaped object I can get my hands on--
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wings-of-ink · 8 hours ago
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Update Progress and Things to Look Forward to
Hello everyone! I hope you are safe and well.
Chapter 5 is coming right along. My goal is to still have it out by the end of November, but the way the last couple of weeks have been for me, we might hit a little delay into the first week of December.
And do not worry, because I know some of you will, I'm good. It's just been busy this month. I've had a friend going through a hard time who's needed a hand up, and I've also needed to work overtime at my daytime gig. My friend is doing better now and I won't need to do more overtime again until sometime in mid-December.
I will not say that the chapter will for sure be delayed, though. This coming week I have extra time off from work (and there was much rejoicing), and I am hoping to dedicate more of it to finishing the final segments of the chapter. And then, I just have to fuse all the individual segments together and do as much proofreading as I can before I deem it "good enough for now" and publish it.
This chapter is a big one, lol. But, I didn't want to cut it short since it is an important section where you learn a lot, grow a bit, and connect with your crew (and maaaaaybe get into some big trouble).
I still have a couple short scenes to flesh out, and then a bigger finale, which I am so excited to finally write!
I'll go ahead and note that saves will almost definitely be broken - again. I had a few things that I did not anticipate before and had to make some coding changes for the earlier chapters. On the plus side, I also figured out where I went wrong with the fonts, so that should be fixed at least.
I will be opening up the Patreon with the release of Chapter 5 if anyone is interested! We'll start out with a couple tiers and grow from there. Both main tiers will focus on extras and early chapter releases - so expect POVs, drabbles, and spicy things.
In December, I'd like to release a couple extras both publically and in the Patreon, but I won't spoil any of that now so I can tease you with it later.
In the more distant future, I plan to create a way to skip chapters so you don't need to speedrun to get to new content. I will take more time to get Chapter 6 out so I can fine-tune a few things for all the previous chapters as well. I'm hoping to get them more smoothed out with a good deal of copyediting.
Reaction-style asks are still paused, but if you have general questions/recommendations/comments, send them my way!
There are many adventures ahead, my friends!
Take care, everyone! Stay safe! ^_^
As a treat, there's a semi-spoilery (kinda not really???) sneak peek below!
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Hmmm...who are you with and why is your friend watching you so close???
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peppermintquartz · 2 days ago
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Prompt: Buck and Tommy forget they booked a couples vacation and not wanting to waste it, they go on it together anyways.
It's a week-long trip starting from Las Vegas out to the Grand Canyon and Monument Valley that they booked about four months ago, and they had submitted their claims for time off once they decided. Of course, neither of them had expected then that they are going to be touring as exes instead of boyfriends.
It would be less of an issue if they could have changed their accommodations. As it is, they're stuck sharing rooms throughout seven days. Buck manages to use his charm to swap over to rooms with twin beds, claiming that they booked together for the discount but they're 'just friends'.
Las Vegas is full of distractions, so once the tour briefing is over, Buck finds himself walking around the hotel. He contemplates ducking into the casino, play a couple of hundred dollars before grabbing a bite and turning in for the night, but a quick circuit inside disabuses him of the notion. It's too loud, too bright, too chaotic.
Returning to their room, he's greeted with a familiar muscular back. Tommy looks over his shoulder and takes a breath, before pulling on a black henley. "Hey, uh. I... I was gonna go look for someplace for dinner." He swallows and licks his lips. "You wanna come with or, I mean. If-If you want to be alone, that's cool too-"
"Uh, actually. I'd like to come with. Dinner sounds good." Buck takes a step closer. "But, before we go out to eat, can I... can we talk?"
Tommy stuffs his hands into his pockets and shrugs. "Sure."
The last time they talked, it had ended with Tommy walking out on Buck. Now, Buck stays where he is, in front of the door.
"I don't want this trip to be too awkward," he says. "I mean, even though we're... we're ex-boyfriends now, it's not like you hate me, right?"
"Of course not!" Tommy shakes his head slightly, smiling in disbelief. "That's the last thing I feel about you."
"A-and I don't hate you," says Buck. He tries not to sound too pathetic. "I know I probably, um, I-I did think about it, but I don't. I can't. So, I'm saying that maybe... maybe we can be friends? For now?"
Tommy's expression softens into something tender. He smiles. "Yeah. I'd like that."
"Great! Great. We'll just be friends. On this trip. Have fun." Buck inhales deeply and holds out a hand. "Here's to us being friends."
With his eyebrows raised in that uniquely sardonic manner, Tommy stares at the proffered hand, and then looks at Buck. Then he takes it and shakes, firmly. His hand is still as warm and comforting as Buck remembers. "Friends."
It's going to be a difficult week, Buck knows, but maybe they should have started as friends first. Maybe this is their real second chance of making something lasting.
He hopes that Tommy wants to take it, as much as Buck does.
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supercap2319 · 2 days ago
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Can you make a fic about Harlan × Cody. I keep rewatch Wolf pack cuz damn their scene at the parking car at gym (I think?)
Noble walked out of the gym for a little bit of fresh air. The air was cleaner, and less smellier than inside. He heard the sound of quiet moans. He looks around the parking lot and sees Cody and Harlan kissing against someone's car. Noble's car. He walked towards them. "Hey! if you guys are gonna do it, please don't do it on my car."
Harlan and Cody pull apart, turning to face Noble with mischievous grins. Harlan leans against the car, his hand possessively caressing the roof. "Aw, come on, man. Your car's just as good as any other."
"Yeah, but I don't want anything on it." Noble said, taking in their appearance. Cody and Harlan were both panting. Harlan was shirtless, a silver chain around his neck, but Cody still wore his yellow muscle shirt. "Having fun?"
Harlan smirks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Just a little... foreplay. You know how it is, right?" Cody grins wolfishly, stepping closer to Noble. "Want to join us?"
"You want me to hook up in a parking lot?" Noble asked.
The young werewolf chuckles, pushing off the car and moving towards Noble. "What, you've never been adventurous?" Cody's eyes rake over Noble's body appreciatively. "Live a little. No one's watching..."
"Nice try, Harlan. Those tricks don't work." Noble smiled. Harlan laughs, a rich, deep sound. "Alright, alright. Fair enough. But... how about this? We'll make it worth your while. You join us, and we'll... clean your car. Top to bottom. Inside and out."
"You will?"
Cody nods eagerly. "Scout's honor." Harlan mimics the scout sign with his fingers, a mockery of the gesture. "So, what do you say? A little fun, a clean car?"
"Sounds great." Noble smiled.
Harlan's face lights up with a victorious grin. "Excellent!" Cody pounces, pressing Noble against the car and kissing him fiercely. Noble gasped as Cody's lips were on his own, feeling the side of his car against his back. Harlan takes advantage of the moment, his hands roaming over Noble's body as Cody kisses him. "Mmm, I've wanted this for so long," Harlan murmurs against Noble's neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. "Cody, help me get him out of these clothes..."
Noble groans and grinds as Harlan and Cody strip him bare in the gym parking lot. With a final tug, Noble stands naked before them, the cool night air caressing his skin. Harlan drops to his knees, taking Noble in his mouth hungrily. Cody watches for a moment, biting his lip before joining Harlan. Together, they worship Noble, their mouths and hands working in harmony. Noble gasped and moaned as Harlan and Cody service his cock. Licking and laping at his cock and balls. He threads his fingers through their hair, watching with hooded eyes as they make out on his cock. "So hot..."
Harlan and Cody look up at Noble, their faces covered in saliva and their hair mussed. Harlan gazes up at him adoringly, while Cody's eyes burn with desire. They continue their dual oral assault, their movements becoming more frantic as they fight for Noble's attention. He knew that Harlan was a slut, but he never expected it from Cody as well. Now, he had both studs on their knees sucking him off. It was so hot.
Noble's breathing hitches as they intensify their efforts, Harlan swallowing him whole while Cody focuses on the sensitive underside. The dual sensation is overwhelming, and Noble can't help but buck his hips, the cold metal of the car door pressing against his back. "I'm... gonna...gonna...shit!"
Both guys redouble their efforts, their hands gripping Noble's thighs as they eagerly await his release. Harlan's fingers dig into the flesh, encouraging him to let go. Cody's eyes flutter closed, his own desire evident through his pants. "Come for us, Noble. Please..." Noble groans and moans loudly as he spills his load into the eager mouths of both guys.
Harlan and Cody swallow every last drop, cleaning Noble up with gentle laps before they rise, their chins glistening. Cody leans in to kiss Harlan, sharing Noble's taste between them. "He tastes so good," Harlan murmurs against Cody's mouth. "Noble deserves a turn now."
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cosmicdreamgrl · 2 years ago
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haven't gotten the 'why did you leave the fandom?' question in awhile but i ultimately told this person it was for my own sanity
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russenoire · 1 year ago
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one thing that strikes me about mob psycho 100 is how closely it hews to shigeo's direct emotional experience. depending on your tastes in worldbuilding and characterization, this can either be a strength... or a weakness.
the only characters fleshed out somewhat are those shigeo is truly close to; almost everyone else is painted with just enough detail to make them feel like people. but not much more... not unlike real-life acquaintances. this rings mostly true for events in the story, too. MP100 also shines very little light on what strangers think of its protagonist, in part because he doesn't notice or care all that much.
and even those people who matter most to him? shigeo doesn't really ask about anyone's inner lives, so we only get to know others at a 'surface' level. what's ON that surface is still rich AF, but it's mostly free of backstory: we get impressionistic flashes of who reigen, and dimple, and ritsu, and teru are almost entirely from what their lives are like in the present. as a result, the story is a very autistic (and for me, relatable) headspace to walk around in.
the mutual bond ritsu and shigeo share would not feel as strong without ONE letting us rummage around inside the younger kageyama brother's head for a bit, of course. shigeo loves his little brother more than anyone else in the world, but he isn't even privy to ritsu's emotional landscape until ritsu lashes out at him in an alley one day.
and we wear reigen's skin the longest, apart from shigeo's, because the boy spends most of his free time at spirits and such. but who was he before shigeo shyly opened his office door in search of empathy? surely he was more than a bored salesman everydude looking for something to give his life meaning, but this is all that we are shown clearly. unfortunately reigen's inner life is terra incognita to shigeo: he doesn't share it with the boy and shigeo doesn't even begin to ask until the story is nearly over.
shigeo in turn shares so little of his inner life with reigen that the man isn't even aware the child has friends his own age. and his immense, map-redrawing destructive capabilities frighten reigen all the more because shigeo never fully trusted him with that knowledge. the wrath of shigeo's shadow self is as ruinous as it is because shigeo couldn't trust anyone with his emotional insides, either.
how well do we really know those we love? how well can we know them?
how well can we know anyone?
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fragmentedblade · 6 months ago
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I have so many screenshots of Kalpas' face I could reconstruct his face at this point, and I'm afraid to say I'm not sure his face is scarred
#Biggest disappointment in a while#The marks on his face coincide exactly in shape and placement with the waves and twirls of his bangs#and they're the same colour used for the shading of his face#Which makes me think perhaps they're the shadow his hair forms on his face#I'm afraid of this realisation and hope it isn't the case but thankfully (?) I suppose we'll never know for sure#On the other hand his eyelashes have those reddish brownish parts that I thought were just the model breaking down#but they seem to belong to the actual design in some of the screenshots I've taken. That would be nice#I did want him scarred though. The marked dark eyebags are good nonetheless#And he has green eyes. A very realistic shade of green. I wasn't expecting him to have green eyes at all and I like it very much#I went to take screenshots hoping for noseless guy and I've ended up thinking he doesn't even have scars#I don't even know what to say haha#Kalpas#I talk too much#Traces#HI3#I am very much not normal about the fact he has green eyes. I don't know why I have loved it so intensely#nor why the realisation has surprised me so severely#But I do really enjoy the fact that he has green eyes#By the way‚ hilarious when Mei catches him talking with some other Flame Chaser and he talks normal. No threatening tone. No screaming#Even with Mobius. Yes he's angry yes he's sad yes the weight of the past is crumbling over him#but kind of like everyone else there. Mei gets in the middle of his conversations with Hua or Elysia or even Mobius and he is calm#and having a decent conversation. Then Mei arrives and he becomes that one Yu Gi Oh character#or Light in one of his bad days or over L's tomb#or something along those lines of exaggerated. It's so funny#Truly hilarious and so very silly. I would have died in two days there because I would not have been able to avoid making fun of him
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autisticblueteam · 4 months ago
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I think... I've actually finished part 1 of the gL re-write?
Rounded out at about 99.2k, I was expecting it to cross the 100k line but as it shook out a scene that was going to go in chapter 14 is actually getting bumped along so that trimmed it down a bit.
Which means 14 more chapters to go for part 2. I'm torn between starting to upload it before finishing the whole thing and waiting until I'm completely done. Because these first 14 chapters have already taken me like two years, but also publishing after it's all done is better for continuity edits and... wavey hands.
I'll probably see how the next few chapters go and decide after based on that. But! Progress!
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dogearedheart · 4 months ago
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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anaalnathrakhs · 5 months ago
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i know it's not like i'm the most affected by the situation, but i wish idk i wish that i didn't have to direct my whole behavior to be my mom's emotional support dog so she can feel she's a good project manager and at least someone understands her side and listens to her good advice. which admittedly my uncle is being particularly difficult in this whole situation, bc it's always complicated, but also christ maybe it was your mom but it was also my grandma. one day you tell me "what you two had was really special" and the next you don't even let me have a moment alone with her. like god. you saw her yesterday. you could've left me a minute with her or something. you could've refrained from putting your gross ass arm around my shoulders like why do you absolutely cannot resist ruining every important moment in my life? i want to be as helpful as possible for her in this very difficult time, but NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES. not even five minutes could she stand letting me handle how I want to grieve MY own grandmother.
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visdiefje · 1 year ago
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apparently I have a "we're not telling you this bad news until you have time to deal with it because there is nothing you can do about it so we'd rather at least you can enjoy your day for a while longer" family
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neverendingford · 4 months ago
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your-internet-bf · 5 months ago
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It's been a while since you've seen a doctor, and you're nervous as you follow the nurse back to my office. What's there to be nervous about, this is just a little checkup, right? You notice the nurse's manicured burgundy nails as she knocks sharply on the door. She turns to you, smiling prettily, and says, "the doctor will see you now."
You push open the door and enter quite a large room. The nurse follows, closing the door behind you. In the center is the examination table, off to the right is a small crowd of young adults, appearing to be made up of men and women, and on the left is me, seated at my desk. "Welcome," I say, standing and extending one hand. My voice is deep, warm, and smooth, and you fumble for a moment, blushing a little, before you remember to shake my hand. Your hand is dwarfed in mine, my strong fingers encircling you, and a thought flashes unbidden through your mind - what would those fingers feel like inside you? - but, come on now, that's really not appropriate...
"I have a few students with me, as you can see. Is that alright?"
"Well, yes, of course!" Why shouldn't it be?
"Excellent. Now, I'm pioneering this new full-body examination method - it's really quite extraordinary, the maladies I can detect this way - but be warned, it is, shall we say, unorthodox. Is that alright?"
Just for a moment, you see something in my eyes, something behind the genial smile and gentle, reassuring tone. Just for a moment, you feel like some specimen, some piece of meat, pinned down under the lights with nowhere to go... but just for a moment. Surely, nothing bad can happen, and I'm a doctor, aren't I? You can trust me. So you swallow your fear, and you acquiesce.
"Excellent! Let's have a seat on the table, if you don't mind, and we'll make a start. Nurse V, if you would..."
As you sit on the table, the clinical, sterile seating a little cold against your skin, the pretty nurse steps behind the table, facing you, waiting for something. From your right, I approach, and you feel again just how much larger than you I am as my broad shoulders block out one of the ceiling lights. With all these people watching you, it takes all you have not to squeeze your legs together, just a little bit.
We begin with a quick examination of your face - "you have beautiful eyes, you know," I purr into one ear. I place one hand on the side of your neck and tilt your head; god, you've been reading too much, haven't you, the way you want these strong, expert fingers to close around your throat.
"Now, open your mouth for me, please." You oblige, and I cup your chin and slide my thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. Your eyebrows jump in surprise, and you look at me questioningly.
I smile again, still inside you. "Unorthodox, remember? Now, close your mouth and try to swallow." From behind, the nurse strokes your cheek with the back of one hand, and you feel a sudden ache between your legs. You close your lips around my thumb and swallow. It tastes... clean, mostly, as one might expect from a doctor, but you can taste the sweat underneath.
"Very good, one more time for me."
You swallow again, and you feel me slide my thumb over the surface of your tongue, pressing down, swirling in circles.
"And, one more time... yes, that's it, good job, very good job."
The praise for this degrading task is more than you can bear, and you squeeze your thighs together. Fuck, it's humiliating, everyone just saw you do that... All these eyes on you, the beautiful nurse behind you, this big, strong doctor with these big, strong hands and that big fucking bulge... but no, this is just a checkup, nothing is going to happen, right?
While you were thinking, I dried my hand off and had begun speaking.
"I'm - I'm sorry?"
"No worries. I was saying, can you remove your top, please? We need to examine your heart and your breathing."
You stare at me. "Remove my - "
"Yes, remove your top. The fewer barriers between me and you, the less interference with my examination." My face is quite serious, almost bored - this really must be routine. You look back at the nurse, and she smiles slightly and nods. So you undress, your nipples betraying you, standing at attention. You blush as the crowd of students looks at you intently. The nurse lays one warm hand on your shoulder, slender fingers gripping you reassuringly, and your eyes are drawn once more to those burgundy nails.
I step in close, and you feel my breath warm on your chest. "Now, observe the stiffness in the patient's nipples - this is to be expected, given the cool air, and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of," I say, smiling. I press my stethoscope up over your heart, the metal cold on your skin, and your mind is betrayed by the pounding of your heart. My eyes flick up to meet yours, and I grin, predatorily, and once again you feel like a piece of meat beneath the lights.
I examine your breasts, starting with your left. Enclosed in my big, strong hands, I squeeze and push, prod and pull, ostensibly feeling for any abnormalities, but the way my fingers brush over your nipples, the intensity with which I sink them into your soft breasts, heaving now as your breath comes faster... My practiced tongue rasps over one nipple and a tiny moan escapes your lips as you try desperately to hide how much you're enjoying this; try desperately, and fail.
Abruptly, I pull back. "Excellent! All seems well here." I rest one hand on your other shoulder and turn to the students. "Note the pleasure response during this section of the examination, and I hope you were paying attention to the oral technique."
I turn back to you, my eyes dancing as they meet yours. "Fully undress, if you would. The inspection must continue."
Your hands tremble as you slide your clothes down off your waist, and the nurse aids you, her lovely hands stroking along your thighs and calves as she does.
"And spread for us, please."
Obediently, your thighs open, exposing your cunt, your needy, aching wetness, to all.
"Note the beauty of the patient's sex, here. The shape of the folds," I murmur, tracing one finger along your sensitive lips, "the balanced ratio of the clitoris to the vulva overall," sliding two fingers on either side of your clit, squeezing gently between them, "the appropriate pleasure response in - "
You lose what I say as I plunge two fingers inside you, powerful and dextrous, knuckles slipping past your tightness easily. It feels so fucking good to finally have something inside you, after all this aching and teasing, and god, so many people are watching, they're all watching your pussy spread and toyed with by this big, strong, handsome older man, and now the nurse's slender fingers are across your throat and her lips are on your forehead, and she tells you that you're doing so well for me, you've been so good...
My fingers press up inside you, finding your g spot, and with my thumb rubbing on your clit, I start melting you. Waves of pleasure course through your body, you gasp, moan, whimper, and with your eyes closed you can't tell whose lips are so soft on yours, but it feels so fucking good, and all those people are watching and it makes you want it more, your back arching, chest heaving, melting under the attention, and finally, mercifully, you cum, contracting around my fingers, squeezing your thighs together, trembling, shaking, gasping for air. You hear me say something, but you're so overwhelmed with pleasure that all you can make out from my speech is "very, very good".
The hand withdraws from your throat, and I gently, gently, extricate my fingers, and settle my hand atop one thigh, fingers slick with your desire.
The nurse whispers affirmation in your ear as I address the class. "Stimulation in this manner, of the two most sensitive sex stimuli, brings the most consistent and powerful orgasms to those possessing these organs." I stroke the inside of your thigh reassuringly, before turning to you.
"The final part of this examination is seeing how well you handle penetration. I'm going to need your unequivocal verbal consent before proceeding."
The nurse leans in and whispers into your ear, "might I suggest 'please, sir, will you fuck me?'" You'd blush harder if you could.
You swallow, nervously, and there's a twisting in your gut as you say it. "Please," you begin, voice cracking. "Please, sir, will you fuck me?"
"Yes, that is sufficient. I must say, though," I warn, unzipping my jeans, "that I am quite large." I slap my cock down on your tummy, and the sheer weight of it shocks you. You've seen size like this in porn, sure, but fuck, you've never touched something like this. When you tear your gaze away from my cock, I'm grinning down at you, predatory again. "You can back out at any time, you know." My voice is low, teasing, challenging. "Should we continue?"
You nod shakily, and spread your legs a little wider.
One hand on your raised knee, one hand guiding my cock, I push against you. For a moment you realize the exam had to be done in this order; if you weren't so fucking wet, there's no chance you'd be able to take me. But all thoughts are blasted out of your mind as I push harder and slide in.
It's so fucking thick that you can't help but groan. You've never felt so full, so strained inside, being pushed in every direction; you're not built for this, maybe there's just too much, your body is rejecting me - and then I push again, another few inches, and you slam your head back against the padded table, a long, drawn-out "fuuuuuck" wrenched from your lips. You feel my strong hands brace at your hips, and with a final thrust, slamming your cervix up into your guts, moving your entire body, the ridges of my cock sliding deeper and deeper, sliding painfully, pleasurably past your walls, I'm inside you.
The nurse rests her hands on you again, and purrs in your ear, "you're doing so well for him, I know it's hard, it's so hard, but you're doing such a good job, pretty girl..."
Glacially, I pull out, allowing you a moment to rest, before thrusting in again, hands still at your waist. You sob once, loudly, and then you sink into it as I pick up a rhythm, deep, deep strokes inside you. You hear me grunting, whispering something, and I grow more frantic, impaling you a little harder, and through the wall of pleasure you hear me rumble, "nurse V, begin the overstimulation procedure."
"Certainly, doctor." She leans over you, lips fiercely meeting yours, and one of those slender hands reaches down to abuse your clit. An image of those burgundy nails on your cunt flashes through your mind as I continue pounding you, forcing you to spread for me, adjust to me, even as the nurse plays your clit like an instrument, and fuck, she's a virtuoso.
You sing a song of moans and voiceless curses under our combined mastery, knowing your audience is entranced, filled with a blazing, lusty pride. The deep bass of my voice, resonant in your skull, is saying something, but you cannot hear me; you're moaning, groaning, pleading, "yes, yes, oh my god yes" over and over...
The song swells to a crescendo and with two sudden strikes, two powerful thrusts into you, it ends with a thick, hot, sticky white wave of my approval inside you. You feel it pulse deep, deep inside, filling you, load after load delivered straight past your bruised, abused cervix.
You come back to reality with my cum spilling from between your legs, trailing thickly down onto the exam table. I zip up my jeans while the nurse helps dry you off, from all the sweat and saliva. She dabs caringly at your mouth, and you notice that the cloth is dyed the same shade as her lipstick.
"Now," I address the class, "I hope you were paying attention." I rest one hand on your aching, trembling thigh. How many times did you cum with me inside you? How long were all these people watching you writhe beneath me, begging, losing yourself in the pleasure? You have no fucking clue. "This patient has bravely volunteered for each of you to examine her, here and now, while she's available to us."
Your jaw drops. When did you agree to that? You would never - but you were begging, "yes, yes, yes" earlier, weren't you, while I was talking. You agreed. Everyone heard you say it.
"One at a time, please. And," I say to you, grinning wolfishly, "don't worry. I'll be watching the entire time."
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hiimnothere1 · 5 months ago
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Theres a few ways to deal with brats.
The ego method.
Knew you'd back down. All bark no bite. What are you gonna do about it? Nothing like usual.
You can't do it can you? You're just a dumb pathetic whore like usual. I shouldn't have expected much from a dumb mutt like you.
Gaslighting
You said you would, darling. Yes, you did. Don't you remember? You said you'd spread your legs for me like a good slut earlier.
You clearly must have forgotten then. I don't understand why you don't remember, sweetheart.
Asking politely
Please darling? Be a good girl for me? I promise I'll make you feel so good. Yes, all you have to do is lay down, close your eyes and take it.
No, it's not a trick.
Tricking them. Giving them what they want
No no no, you wanted more right? You want more marks on your thighs showing how many times you've orgasmed don't you?
Whats this? Our 8th time?
What do you mean you're dying? You're perfectly alive and well here.
Why are you grabbing onto me so tight? We haven't even started yet.
Are you gonna keep giving me attitude? That sounded like attitude to me. Guess we'll keep going
Forcing them
You wanted to be a brat so this is what you get. Rope around your wrists, back on your bed. You're about to get fucked up so bad.
Stop fighting it. Youll make this harder for yourself than me.
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a-sleepy-ginger · 9 months ago
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25/2/24
❆❅❆❅❆
Saw the moon
Got some work on my sociology assessment done
Read a cute manhwa
Wasn't cold all day after shower
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lesbianpikachu · 1 year ago
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#WE ARE SO BACK DUDE#MAN#this is like the first good night i've had in a while#goddamn it i fucking hate being an adult and it's something that's frustrated me in a way i don't know how to express for so fucking long#being able to admit that to myself and just say it out loud feels so fucking good. I do not want to do adult shit. i do not want to pretend#to be normal fuck everything and everybody i fucking hate being an adult i hate careers and social niceties fuck everything#god i fucking hate everything and im so happy to be able to say that again. life fucking sucks and thats it#oh my god ive been stuck in a positivity puddle for so long i hate it. complaining and hating is my lifee i will never stop#just oh my god it's so hard to be alive all the time and nobody ever talks about it and just expects you to do everything right all the tim#We are not going to fucking make it dude. what else is there. can we do something else#i feel so expected to just do things right all the time and i feel like people can see that and just make fun of me for existing all the ti#i fucking hate it! literally all of that shit makes me want to die. but like yeah like oh my god putting all of that down might fix me#we'll see. oh god the pokemon video looms large. im on gen 4 but i've been hardcore procrastinating on it. i'm just so done with all the sh#MAN i feel like a real person again i feel like i can breathe. i have been so frustrated w my friends and family for the longest time#and now i just feel like oh. yeah. literally none of this bullshit is necessary. why am i letting all these people tell me how to live#Who cares if im alone who cares if someones watching who cares if people like me i am alone i am happy i am doing what i want#like if i meet my goals and i feel like im doing what i think i should be doing then who cares. i'm having the experiences i want to have#and that's enough. it was always enough. and anybody who says it isn't should get over it. im fine. why are you trying to make me not fine#ok im done im done i just wnated to pour all this out. it feels a little cheesey but legitimately most nights to me feel like they dont mat#and this one is one that for the first time in a long felt like it finally did
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