#just buy the same shit every day (or don't and buy whatever else you want) and you'll be fine

[tardis--dreams]

I relate to shane madej because i too wish i could take a pill containing all the nutrients for a day instead of having to plan what the hell i should eat every single day of my silly little life

[mcflymemes]

GONE GIRL (2014) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

what are you thinking? how are you feeling? what have we done to each other?

i felt i needed to shoot something.

we've never fucked in a bookstore.

you know i have to kiss you now.

sometimes i want to punch us in the face, we're so cute.

when you're upset, you bottle up.

brought you a present.

i need you. now. touch me.

that's very sweet of you and very unnecessary.

pour me a bourbon, would you?

it's a bad day.

i'm so crazy, stupid happy.

i met a boy. a great, gorgeous, sweet, cool-ass guy.

things could get ugly.

whose beer am i drinking?

i prefer men who are funny, not "funny."

i'm the guy to save you from all this awesomeness.

it's hard to believe you. i think it's your chin.

you are way too into that cat.

tell me how it ends.

i'm not someone who hits the panic button, but... it's weird, right?

you mind if we look around?

so what do you do now? for work.

perfect, time for a quick tour of my failings.

i love your parents, but they can be assholes.

people want to hear from you.

i thought that'd be embarrassing.

i am here on a strictly journalistic capacity.

[name], you are beyond amazing. you are incredibly smart but entirely unsnobby. you are kind, but never a martyr.

you surprise me. you challenge me.

isn't it time we fixed that?

we're going to take this very, very seriously.

i go there for the quiet.

we're still not sure what we're dealing with.

please don't take that tone with me.

everyone told us... and told us and told us... marriage is hard work.

technically we're supposed to fuck at the next stop.

books, sex, bourbon... life is good.

i knew you shouldn't have moved back here.

maybe i'll teach you a thing or two.

i'm a little drunk.

let's swear we will never be like them.

everything else is background noise.

why are you throwing that in my face again?

it's like you're daring me to be someone i don't want to be.

i'm not that person. i'm your wife.

suddenly i knew everything was about to get worse.

i'm asking you nicely.

everyone is projecting their shit onto me.

i feel like i could disappear.

i've been so worried about you.

i don't want to fight. i just want to be with you. that's all i want.

you fucking lied to my fucking face.

for valentine's day, i thought i'd buy a gun.

you have to fucking talk to me!

i'm not going to be scared anymore.

this man of mine may kill me.

men always use that as the defining compliment, don't they? she's a cool girl.

i will admit. for someone who likes to win, it's tempting to be the girl every guy wants.

we were happy pretending to be other people.

i need to show you something.

see we have the same taste in men.

you're reading it again? you know how it ends.

whatever the hell they found, we have to assume it's very bad.

everyone would hate me.

why are you so good to me?

my defense is the truth.

i've never seen it in my life.

i feel myself fading.

i just said what you wanted to hear.

take off your clothes.

i'm a fighter. i fought my way back to you.

kiss my cheek.

you're not at risk anymore.

you know you can sleep with me, right?

we should hold hands.

you called me a murderer.

i haven't touched you.

i've killed for you.

[koolades-world]

happy halloween!

hope everyone is having a great evening!! because of the upcoming festivities tonight, I decided to post this just a little earlier :) what's everyone else being this year? as i write this (october 27th) i am undecided between reusing an old alice from alice in wonderland costume, or diying a loofa costume using a dress i already have. will probably just go as alice haha. haven't worn it since i was 16 which is when it was made, but it should probably still fit!

it's up to you who you'll be matching costumes with so i made sure i left room in each character for that!

(psttttt boops welcome! if you boop me i will get you back. this is a threat)

Halloween with the om cast

Lucifer

the dadesque figure that walks around with everyone while they trick or treat

only there because mammon and diavolo begged

also only dressed up because the aforementioned two convinced him (he's wearing that stupid swimsuit of his and is calling it whatever mammon feels like introducing it as in that moment)

Mammon

100% goes as a pirate and his not so little trick or treat bag looks like a grim bag

is the dastardly, hated demon that takes the entire bowl when left with a note that says take one please

you help him curb this habit by threatening to withhold affections haha

Levi

he goes as ruri, of course. he already had it ready since he'd worn the cosplay in the past

he's insistent on being in character all night too! he loves halloween because is the one night a year where he can go out in public in cosplay and be normal

candy is a plus, but not a must. is more than willing to share with you

Satan

you once told him he'd make a cute librarian, so that's what he's dressed as this year

perhaps he's using this as an excuse to sit around all night and read

either way, he's having fun, but he could be convinced to go out with you with the promises of cuddles

Asmo

every year, he goes as a sexy something and you can't convince me otherwise. he's a sexy whatever you think is sexy this year haha

i feel like he'd usually be at a party, but since you wanted to go trick or treating, he'll go with you instead

you may have to cover the eyes of some young ones if parts of his costume start to give out as the night goes on...

Beel

he wears basically the same costume every year: a cheeseburger

now, i say 'basically' because he always ends up taking several large bites and needs to buy a new one, and they're always slightly different

the candy he collects is always gone by the time he gets back home

Belphie

he's the one that goes as himself almost every halloween

either he gets dragged along with wherever beel ends up going, or he stays back to help pass out candy

by that, i mean he naps near the candy bowl and accidently freaks out kids coming to get candy that don't see him

Diavolo

probably in a cheesy vampire costume and loving it

plastic teeth that are impossible to talk with in and all

he wanted to most authentic experience as possible, so he asked you for your experiences!

Barbatos

he's the one that hangs back at the HoL to hand out candy, since the little d's have the palace covered

however, he isn't lame enough not to be dressed up

i can't decide if he's the kind to slap on a cat ears headband and call it a day, or go all out and handmake a costume. you can pick :)

Simeon

linguini from ratatouille. i will be taking no questions at this time.

he made it himself! he also made luke and solomon's costumes

the other dadesque figure that takes his kids trick or treating, but is much happier about it then lucifer is

Luke

for some reason, he wanted to be a piece of cheese, so simeon and solomon decided to work with him so he looked less out of place

if he ends up going off with beel to trick or treat, they look like they intended to match too!

just, maybe go with the two of them to stop beel from taking a chomp out of luke's costume...

Solomon

holy shit he's in a rat costume (remy) to piss off barbatos, and when he gets grilled about it, he can just pass it off as matching with luke and simeon

and of course, barb doesn't want to ruin halloween for his son. solomon is going to have his ass handed to him tomorrow

Mephisto

thinks dressing up is stupid until his little brother begs him to dress up too

so, to make him happy, he goes as the prince to his brother's mini fire breathing salamander. not as a dragon slaying prince, a dragon friend prince (his brother's words)

to his surprise, he actually enjoys celebrating the holiday, especially with you and his brother

Thirteen

thought it would be funny to go dressed as what humans think the grim reaper is

plus, you bet she wouldn't so now she has to! it's actually quite cute on her

she doesn't hand out treats, she hands out tricks. including people who haven't asked trick or treat

Raphael 

dressed as a hedgehog (if you get it, you get it)

half the people he meets asks what he's supposed to be, while the other half gets it instantly and chuckle about it

hey, at least he's trying and having fun!

[genericpuff]

omg can i just say i love your work so much!! it’s so fun to read this i’m over the moon

anyways, i’m aiming to get an art degree! i’m so inspired by your work. is this just a hobby or is it a job? i’d love to make art my full time job when i’m older, tho it’s not known for being very sustainable. how do you make it work??

ALSO your expressions, the anatomy, the faces, the colors, all of it!!! i aspire to draw like you one day!!!!

thank youuu!!

also whoof as for advice... well, for starters, it depends on what specifically you're wanting to pursue. Is it a specialized diploma / degree in a specific trade like animation/illustration/graphic design? Or is it more like a university BA? I ask this not because one is better than the other, more so because different schooling is tailored to different aspects of the overall "arts" industry and whatever you're currently studying (or planning on studying) is gonna be up to you and what you're planning on doing, whether it's being a freelancer or going into a specific industry! (or doing a mix of both!)

So all that said, take my advice with mountains of salt!!! What worked (and didn't work) for me may not apply to you! But I hope in sharing my own experience that it might resonate with you or at least give you an experience to relate to in your present and future endeavors :>

For full transparency though (and this will be a bit of a personal anecdote so bear with me): I am absolutely 100% not making a living off Rekindled, more so that it's just a side thing that I do that's supplemented by my actual job, which is tattooing. So by definition, Rekindled is a hobby! (and one that I very much enjoy doing and keeping as a hobby!)

But tattooing is also pretty rough right now, when I'm making money the money is great, but when I'm not, it feels like the same grind that every artist is on, trying desperately to get people to notice me and buy my work haha

I wish I could say that there's a moment where it all just "clicks" and everything falls into place, but it's more like... you just learn to take the good with the bad, and most importantly, you learn how to prepare for the bad so it's a little less bad the second and third and tenth time around. I know that sounds super bleak, but that's just the cycle of life in general - things aren't always good, we just do what we can to work through the bad times so we can find those good times and come out stronger each and every time.

I'm currently in one of those bad times, and I have been pretty much this entire year. The slow season that I thought would end around March... didn't. So with the slow season now turning into a slow year, it finally happened - a couple months ago, I picked up a retail job. It sucked to have to do because I quit retail YEARS ago in the hopes that I'd never have to return to it and that tattooing would always provide for me, but life has changed since then.

Despite this, I am in a very unique and privileged situation where I can "afford" to have slow seasons at work, but I'm also like... well aware that that can't last forever so I'm doing what I can now to slow the decay until it hopefully picks up again. I'm doing what I can, but ultimately, I know a lot of the circumstances of the past year have been due to the state of the world in general, which is far outside of my control. So I do what I can within my control instead, and that eventually included having to go back to retail.

Thankfully the retail job I work is great and I get to work with really cool people, so it's not all bad! But it definitely felt bad in the beginning because of the internalized shame I had towards going back to retail. Almost felt like I was proving to everyone else - especially within the tattoo industry - that I wasn't "cut out" for it.

But now that I'm doing it... I know that that's not true, and I frankly don't care what opinions people could have about it, because at the end of the day, the economy is shit right now and we all gotta do what we gotta do to survive. And having those couple shifts a week in retail means I can continue to keep doing what I do through both tattooing and making comics, because now I have more income coming in. And that is, overall, a good thing :)

Working retail to help make ends meet doesn't make me any less of an artist. It's just that making a living at this is difficult and isn't guaranteed to be a "happily ever after" type thing where you just "find a job" and the rest sorts itself out later. This is also something that applies to any field / career in general, life happens and things can change a LOT so on the one hand, that can be a hopeful blessing because it means you never have to be stuck where you are right now, you CAN keep moving forward towards the things that you're hoping for; but also, it can suck ass because it means even when the going is good, it's never forever.

When it comes to the art world specifically... regardless of whether or not the going's good, the important thing is to keep creating and keep moving forward.

Buuuut I guess if I had any real advice to offer beyond waxing poetic about my personal experiences, especially to those seeking an art degree - learn the business side too. Because in reality, there's a lot more to doing art as your job than just drawing. In fact, I would say that once you start doing art as your job, the actual creating is often forced to take a backseat to the things you have to do to make your art profitable in the first place - like marketing/networking, attending art markets, collaborating with other artists, running an online shop, building a clientele, etc.

So if you have the opportunity to do a class or two in marketing or event coordinating or anything under the umbrella of "business" that could supplement your art degree, please consider it! The art world is competitive, but that doesn't mean you can't give yourself a competitive edge by arming yourself with skills that others may not consider; and I do find a lot of people entering these fields tend to just completely forget or overlook the fact that doing art as a job means turning it into a business, which means you're gonna have to sharpen the business-adjacent skill sets alongside your art.

And I say this from experience, I SUCK at doing the business side of things because a lot of it I'm either really bored by or really bad at. Marketing myself on social media feels like an exercise in futility. Filing my taxes is torture. But those are still skills that are often necessary that I'm pushing myself to get better at - it's just often really hard to learn it through trial and error so taking classes would have probably helped me out a lot LMAO

It can be boring and it's not art, but it's still worth learning. Learn how to apply to art markets, learn how to file taxes as a self-employed individual, learn how to create a CV and portfolio for the industry you're interested in, learn how to decipher your metrics and statistics, learn how to offer quality customer service. These are all things that are, again, extremely worth learning, but also often overlooked when we think of "making a living off art", especially when it comes to freelancing.

That's pretty much the extent of the advice I can offer, at least in terms of the broad subject matter of "getting an art degree" and "making a living at art". I'm ironically sorta the worst person to ask when it comes to that, though, because there are times - like right now - when I'm very much not making that living! And it's requiring that I change my game plan so that I can continue to live - it doesn't mean I've given up on my art, it just means that right now my art can't pay my bills so I have to find another way to get by until they can again.

And of course, it cannot be understated that the circumstances in which I exist are different from yours. It's kinda like asking a Youtuber "how to get famous on Youtube", because the circumstances that made a Youtuber famous will vary widely from other Youtubers. For some people it was years of hard work and slowly building up an audience, others may have been an overnight sensation, and for anyone the ability to make videos on Youtube at all is dependent on what else is going on in their lives that allows them the time and energy and resources to do so. Sure, we kinda know what the end result "looks like", but how you get to that point is largely influenced by other factors and can't be summarized in some "how to" video beyond the general advice of "here's how to make a video for Youtube" "here's how to make an appealing thumbnail" and "here's how to engage with your community". Many of those famous Youtubers are following the exact same formulas as the smaller Youtubers, they just had other factors influencing their career path that got them to fame first / faster / etc.

I can create Rekindled the way I do now because I have a decade of experience already creating multi-panel comics with longform storytelling on a deadline, but someone who's just starting out in webcomics probably wouldn't be able to do exactly what I'm doing; just like how I can't ever perfectly replicate the look and vibe of Rachel's original work, because her work exists through the experiences and circumstances of her life which I could never copy because they're unique from my own.

When I am making good money again, it will still be influenced by other factors - some within my control, some purely circumstantial - that are unique to me that can't be summed up for the benefit of other artists.

If I were to hypothetically write you a guide on "how to make a living at art" based purely on my own life experiences, it would go something like:

Step 1: Spend your whole childhood drawing weeb anime art and writing Legend of Zelda fanfiction

Step 2: Get a diploma in 2D Animation from a for-profit school that puts you $25k in the hole

Step 3: Work at Starbucks for half a decade and then on your days off work on a really long comic series that you plan to spend the rest of your life making

Step 4: Get hired to do a tattoo apprenticeship with a shitty mentor who treats you like shit

Step 5: Work a bunch of other retail jobs while trying to survive your apprenticeship and then eventually find a job in a basement shop that happens to have a spare bed

Step 6: Survive COVID on savings, root beer, and that really long comic series that you're still working on but isn't getting read by more than 10 people

Step 7: Get really obsessed with an online webtoon that you love; then get really mad about it when that online webtoon turns to shit which motivates you to create an entire blog just to talk shit about it and make a fan comic rewrite about it

Step 8: Get a really cool readerbase from that fan comic through the pre-existing community of shit-talkers that you joined who now ask you questions like "how to make a living at art" which you're not even sure how to answer because you don't know if what you do can even be called a "living"

Step 9: ???

Step 10: Profit ?? Sometimes??

Yeah, not very helpful to literally anyone but myself (and not even myself because if past me was asking present me this question, they'd probably be very confused by my answer LOL)

That was a lot of words, but I hope at least a few of them help arm you with the confidence to pursue your goals!! A lot of it might also sound scary, but remember that the path is long and the scary times don't last forever. That path will often take turns you couldn't have anticipated, but that's okay! Ride along with it and see where it takes you - there's always joy to be found in this line of work so long as you keep moving forward and keep your eyes open for it <3

[hellaverseconfessions1369420]

Long confession ahead, apologies in advance.

Look, I don't get heated about shipping. I like what I like, and I look at things I like. If I don't like whatever someone is posting, I'll filter the tags, and if they aren't using the tags appropriately, I will block them. It's fairly easy for me to avoid ships I personally dislike most of the time. I do all of the things I'm supposed to, and yet I'm still having this problem.

There is one singular ship on God's green earth that kills all of my enjoyment for both of the characters involved, and it is radioapple. I have never felt such strong emotions about any other ship before in any of the fandoms I'm part of. It's fucking everywhere. I genuinely cannot use this website if I want to see Lucifer or Alastor fanart/fanfic, and I'm not moving sites.

But God. I'm so fucking sick and tired of seeing "this post contains filtered content: #radioapple." When S1 first came out, I counted 37 blocked posts in a row on top of #Alastor on one given day. I had to scroll through 37 blocked fucking posts before I found ONE that wasn't about fucking radioapple. And that isn't counting all the OTHER Alastor ships, because of course that's all anyone gives a shit about anymore.

I'm on mobile, so I can't use browser extensions to make Tumblr's filtering system actually do what I want it to (delete every radioapple post, forever). I also don't feel like buying a laptop for fucking Tumblr. I've been getting back into HH after falling out of it for a while for related reasons, and I forgot how much angrier and more unhappy I am coming out of #Alastor or (to a lesser extent) #Lucifer than when I went in. Which is super awesome considering they're my two faves.

I wish I was kidding when I say I have actually cried real tears more than once over this. I'm aroace, and I thought maybe for once I'd get to feel at least a little bit included and represented in fandom as a whole. I thought having a canon aroace character would be that for me, at least one tag I could semi-comfortably browse and feel like I'm actually part of shit and not a spectator for once, but obviously not. I don't even get to look at fanart of a character I enjoy without being constantly reminded of how different and alone I am, even when that character is different in exactly the same way as me. Even characters like Alastor that are written to be like me aren't written for me. Because why would anyone create anything for someone like me to enjoy when they could instead jam a little more sex and romance in there?

I once scrolled through #Alastor blocking all the radioapple posters for so long that I reached the bottom of the page. Tumblr would not show me any more posts and I had to reload it. I blocked 209 different blogs, and it barely made a dent. 209. I can't curate my way out of this. I genuinely think I just don't get to like those characters anymore, and it fucking sucks. I want my deer man back.

TL;DR: I cannot enjoy these characters I deeply relate to with how prevalent and fucking inescapable this one ship is, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Frankly I'm not sure it's fixable, but I would love it if this wasn't something else I just don't get to have like everyone else. Someone tell me what to do about this. I want to have fun too.

I understand why you would think that. I’m probably aroaceflux and I can see some alastor in me (aroacewise, not serial killer wise) and why you wouldn’t want to see the ships you don’t like. Unfortunately that’s how many fandoms work, they’ll just keep shipping.

to be honest, I don’t know what to say, but thanks for the confession and I hope things get better for you

[bonny-kookoo]

Snoeball being part of Jungkook's recent live? How would army react to that?

A/N: since yall always want angst..

Jungkook sometimes forgets that while he might think of his fans often throughout the day, they're not with him all the time. They don't know everything that he does- and they're not just a bunch of angels, willing to accept whatever decision he might make for himself.

So it's unsurprising that when the chat fills with messages, it's not just happy comments and hearts and innocent questions.

It's many, Many confused people, some even angry and upset at the implications of the visual situation he's in. Not because he's shirtless, or in bed-

But because he's shirtless, and in bed, with you right beside him, still asleep.

There's no way he can talk himself out of this so quickly, so he struggles, attempts to mask his own horror and growing panic by acting as if his connection is junk. It's not- it's perfectly fine, but he needs to buy himself some time to think of any way to explain why you'd be in the same bed with him almost naked.

Well, at least you're wearing a top- although the clear Calvin Klein logo on the corner up top near the neckline makes it somewhat worse, because it's clear from the fit alone and the way too big size that it's not yours-

And in his household, the only logical conclusion would be that it's his.

He's in deep shit.

There's no way he can just be honest- just go 'oh yeah, Snowball and I had sex and went to bed late' because at the end of the day these people watching him right now aren't his friends. A lot of them aren't even his fans right now. He's sure of it. They're probably fuming, disappointed, and angry.

And he's got no clue how to talk himself out of it.

Jimin seems to save the day however- asking in the chat if your nightmares had cleared up throughout the night- and Jungkook immediately grabs that lifeline thrown towards him by his bandmate.

"Ah yes, her nightmares.." he offers, nodding. "Hm, Snowball had a panic attack last night from the thunderstorm, so she slept in my bed." He nods, licking his lips in nervousness, hoping no one catches him lying. "I got a little lazy because I was really tired, so I gave her my shirt I was wearing so she can sleep a bit better. Because, you know, hybrids are really sensitive to scents. So I thought it might help, you know?" He offers, and it seems like it's somewhat working.

'She's drowning in it' jimin comments. Jungkook laughs.

"Ah yeah, my size is way too big on her.' He jokes, hopes to somewhat elevate the mood, as he changes the topic to something else.

He knows he fucked up.

He knows especially after ending the live, and checking social media- online magazines already feeding on his mistake like vultures, calling it 'suspicious', and picking out comments from netizens who call his actions inappropriate and even worse things. How he shouldn't let you sleep in his bed, how this could be possibly all just a play from his side to see if people would accept it if he was to be in a realtionship-

And he wants to cry like a toddler left alone in a mall, because it's just not fair.

He loves you, so much, and he wishes he could just do that openly. But no matter if hybrid or not, there's just no way anyone could ever survive being his partner.

Jimin calls his phone. He picks up.

"Aish Jungkookie, what were you thinking?" He scolds softly, and Jungkook just sighs, running a hand through his hair before he looks at you, still sleeping, barely having moved at all, unaware of the things happening. "I heard from Yoongi. About you.. three. I'm happy, I really am- but don't be so reckless." His bandmate reminds him.

"I know. I'm sorry." He offers. "I didn't.. think. I really didn't. I should've." He scolds himself, upset at it all. Now he's back at square one with you- and everyone involved. Now people will put every interaction between you and the band on a pedestal to gawk at and analyze.

He ruined it.

"Well figure it out. For now, just lay low." He offers. "Management will probably have a word with you soon."

"I'm sorry." Jungkook apologizes again. "I ruined it."

"Not yet." Jimin tries to reassure. "I'm sure some will be mad- yoongi-hyung is gonna tear you a new one that's for sure. But it'll die down." He tells the younger singer over the phone. "She's safe with us, down the line. We've got security that's top notch."

"But now we can't let her be seen with anybody anymore." He whines. "She had so much fun in the UK with me, and with Suga-hyung on his tour and now I fucked it up and she won't get to do any of it anymore." Jungkook complains, gripping his hair.

"Like I said, we'll figure it out." Jimin tells him. "For now, calm down. Sort your head a bit."

"I feel horrible." Jungkook reveals. "Just looking at her- I'm so stupid." He shakes his head at nothing.

"You're just innocent when it comes to these things." Jimin sighs on the other end of the line. "You'll learn."

"I just want people to.. accept us." Jungkook complains stubbornly. "What's so bad about what we have?"

"Absolutely nothing." His friend responds. "Like I said, calm down first. We'll figure out where to go from here." He offers.

"What if they take Snowball away now?" Jungkook whimpers. "Just because of me?"

"Jungkook they literally can't. She's filed for independent living, remember?" He says, and it's then that it hits Jungkook.

You did file for independence. You did get it approved.

You don't belong to anyone but yourself. You simply choose to stay with the boys, with him, because you want to. No one can take you away because you're technically your own legal guardian.

You're safe.

You won't leave.

And as he hangs up with a thanks to his friend, his phone clatters down onto the floor forgotten as he wraps his arms around you, tightly, so he can remind himself that you'll stay even if this all goes south.

You won't leave him alone, even if they all hate you and him.

You won't leave him alone.

And neither will he.

[witchykittyy]

Agreement 💖

@marcyyywukinnie asked: Hi could you make a fanfic Yandare Blitzo x reader x Yandare Stolas where they just fight about reader, before coming to terms that theyll share them??

I am soooooooo sorry about how late this is!!! I really am. Life's been really hectic and I went through a very depressive episode but I promise to be on top of stuff more often! I really hope you like it! ❤ Sorry if its not really enough fighting per say. 😅

TW: Demons, Hell, Blood, Arguing, Cursing (lots of it), Mentions of kidnapping, Stalking, and other yandere themes.

"Damn that was a fuck ton of clients!!!" Millie jumped up into Moxxie's arms pumped and covered in blood. "Yea it was and it was so fucking awesome! But I think imma head in for the night." You're the newest member of I.M.P. A few days ago you saw their help wanted poster and decided you needed the extra money so you decided to join. You got along really well with Moxxie, Millie and surprisingly Loona. The only person who doesn't seem to like you is Blitzo. He was always staring at you. Watching your every move like he's waiting for you to do something wrong. So you always tend to keep your distance.

"Yea I think me and Millie have had enough excitement for today as well. Goodbye sir! Goodbye Y/N!" "Bye Blizto! Bye N/N!" Moxxie and Millie wave goodbye as they leave. "Whatever, bye." Loona continues on reading her magazine. "Bye guys!" You wave goodbye to them sweetly. "Bye lovebirds! Don't get too kinky while I'm away!" You can almost hear Moxxie rolling his eyes at those words and you chuckle. Now its just you, Loona and... Blitzo. Though your back is turned you can feel his eyes burning into info our skin, its very unsettling so with out turning around you decided to say your goodbyes and leave. "Bye Blitzo! Bye Loona!" "Bye dork." Blitzo doesnt say anything and you start to walk off sill feeling his gaze on you. Suddenly he says "See you soon Y/N"

You got home and were extremely exhausted as you flopped down onto your semi comfortable bed. Due to only recently having a job you dont have that much money to buy yourself a nice place so for right now you're stuck in this crummy apartment. Even though you didnt mind your situation someone else did.

Stolas has been watching you from the day he saw you in the I.M.P headquarters while he was visiting Blitzo. He's been obssessed with you ever since he saw you and has stalked you finding out your likes, habits, dislikes and everything else about you. He truly believes that you deserve so much better than what you have. He loves you and believes you deserve to be treated like a queen. A problem with that is that Blizto is also in love with you. Stolas notices the stares he give you and the longing look in his eyes. He's sure Blitzo has noticed his interest as well and thats probably why Blitzo hasnt spoken to him. But nevermind that.

You change into your PJ', get into bed and start scrolling through Helltok. "Ah shit its getting dark and I have to work tomorrow" you sigh. "I guess I should go to bed as Moxxie would say thats the responsible thing to do." You turn off your phone and go to bed. Stolas stares at you from the window wishing that he were next to you.

After a while he sees someone climbing onto your balcony. He's about to go stop him but then the two lock eyes. "Stolas?! The fuck are you doing here?!" He almost tumbles off the balcony from the surprise. "I should be asking you the same question Blitzo." "Look dipshit im doing the same thing you are but going inside." Blizto starts opening the window. "Wait! We shouldnt do that it invading her privacy." He goes to stop him but then Blitzo slaps his hand away. "Oh and stalking her isnt invading her privacy?! Look just leave ok if you dont wanna do this. Not like I want you stealing my girl anyways." He grumbles the last part but Stolas is able to hear him. "Well I sure as hell am not leaving her alone with you." "Then come in with me." He grabs Stolas's hand and stealthly brings him into the room. Stolas blushes at the sudden contact. 'Wait why'd he blush? What the hell is happening to him?'

You're dead asleep on the bed. "So smart ass what do we do now?" He tries to cover up the fact that grabbing Blitzo's hand made him blush. "We look around bird brain." They start looking around the crummy place, dodging the clothes thrown on the floor. Eventually after looking around for a while Blitzo decides to look your computer as Stolas watches you sleep peacefully. Out of the corner of his eye Stolas sees him breaking into your computer. "Hey!" He yells silently. "What do you think you're doing?" "I'm looking through her computer dipshit." Blitzo rolls his eyes as though its obvious. "Well yes I know that but why?" "To make sure she ain't seeing some other loser."

Blitzo searches and suddenly stops dead in his tracks. "You need to see this birdie." They stare at the computer reading you're messages with some guy named Dennis. "Oh hell no" they growl out in unison. You whine and shift in your sleep as they go dead silent. Once they're sure you're not awake they continue. "We can't let this shit happen." Blitzo growls with malice. "I completely agree. This dirt bag isn't good enough for our Y/N." Stolas nods. "Wait, our?" "Well yes I suppose we'll need to team up to stop this guy and ensure that she stays with us. Is that an ok arrangement?" Stolas questions. "Yea.. Thatd be great." Blitzo looks down blushing madly.

[aoharushiyo]

the recipes for... | track 1 — chocolate pudding

Translation: en Proofreading: aca, dimi, kimi, myun, jay, jelly

Content Warning: light jokes about death

PatiBattle is my life. A masterpiece containing the quintessential element, the character that gives meaning to my very existence— yeah, you heard that right: his name is Chiyoda Reito.

PatiBattle is my life. A masterpiece containing the quintessential element, the character that gives meaning to my very existence— yeah, you heard that right: his name is Chiyoda Reito.

---

"Come the hell on, if I don't get there soon, it might all be gone…!"

I was held back after school for ages by the teachers today. Some lecture about my behaviour in class or something. Stuff like my attitude being all over the place, or reading manga under my desk in class… But why today, of all days? Of course, I just had to run my mouth and say that I'd listen any other day, please let me off just for today… but that just ended up adding oil to the fire and I got held back even longer.

[ Next Restock TBA ] "…"

I flew into the anime shop I frequented and stopped in front of the display case for newly stocked merch. I hadn't been able to pre-order, so all the merch I wanted had all already been snagged.

"Seriously… I wish this would stop happening…"

And it's just my luck that I don't have any friends I can ask to buy merch for me.

"'Restock TBA'…? The very concept of this should fuck right off."

Student life may as well be slavery. Sure, pointing and laughing at the working class and calling them corporate slaves has been a thing since ages ago, but isn't being a student pretty much the same thing? At these places called 'schools', you're physically limited to what you can do, you're forced into doing club activities after school, and even once you get home, you've gotta do homework or chores… All that takes up a shit ton of time. Adults always overestimate the amount of free time we kids have.

"Fuck…!"

Despite all of that, somehow I'm making do with the little free time I have. Attending events, making shrines, exchanging official and blind box merch, buying out merch stocks[1], nui outings, birthday pilgrimages…

"Aah… my life has no meaning anymore… Just end me already…"

I just couldn't take it any longer. I stumbled out of the store, and, after sparing only a glance to make sure no one was around, started hitting my head against the wall, over and over. Over, and over, and over. I failed. I'm a failure. I'm sorry, Reito, I'm so sorry that I couldn't bring you home.

The theme for the acrylic standee set this time around was 'Training Camp - First Year, Winter ~Wedding Cake~'. A set that dressed every single character in exquisite bridal attire. Not being able to get something like that on the day of its release is absolutely unforgivable. I might as well just die.

The way back was freezing cold. The weather sucked ass, too.

---

Today, I decided to go home instead of returning to the dorms. Here, I can do whatever I want without anyone getting in my way.

"…Yeah, I guess it'll do."

My feelings of frustration needed some kind of outlet. All of the love I was so ready to shower on my new standee had to go somewhere, too — so I eagerly channelled it into something else.

"Aren't you looking pretty good now?"

I held up my apron, extremely pleased with the crooked rows of can badges and pins that covered its entirety. Naturally, the apron was in Reito's image colour. And right over the chest, where my new merch should have been, shone in its place a new, extra-large aluminium standee.[2] That's right. In this patisserie kitchen, we don't have ita-bags — we have ita-aprons, obviously.

"I've gotta finish this before Reito's birthday…"

I guess you could say it's like a way of measuring love. If this weight is the weight of my love, then even if it's heavy because of how many things I've slowly added to it, I can't get enough. I just can't get enough of the insanity of wearing it. Merch of Reito is in ridiculously high demand, so it's really not great for my wallet, but… I'm fine with that. Because only then does it feel like I'm giving up even my soul for Reito.

"Now then…"

Finally satisfied with my sparkling, gleaming rows of badges, I moved onto the next part of my daily routine — checking socials. After all, numerous new fanworks are being created every day.

"Searching for… 'PatiBattle!'…" With great enthusiasm, I searched for every single keyword that I could think of. 'Patissier Battle', 'Chiyoda Reito', 'ReiOu', 'Rei0u', 'ChocoPudding'…[3]

"Damn, this person's art is so good… wait— wait, they drew this!? This is insane! Fuck, oh fuck… I can't take it, it's so radiant that I can't even look at it properly…!"

This must be what it means to be happy. Being able to see the masterpieces being born every day is happiness. While happily wading through my feed, I spent hours lost in the online world.

"…Ah."

There it was: Reito/Shouta. And… blocked. It's like I never saw it in the first place. It really was a shame that they didn't understand the better dynamic. But staying in your own lane makes the world go 'round, so never having to see it again was good enough.

And finally, after checking everything else, I'd left the best for last:

"Sanseiu-sensei…!"

Sanseiu-sensei, the god of ReiOu. Even if they hadn't uploaded anything new, I could spend hours rereading all of their older works.

"What's wrong? Could it be… is that embarrassment I see?" "H-hey! I still can't believe it… What would someone like you see in me…?" "If you keep saying things like that, I'll just go ahead and eat you up." "Mmph…!?" "…Delicious." "R-Reito-kun!" "Aren't you so sweet? Maybe… even sweeter than chocolate."

"Aaah, it's still this good every time I read this!? Even though I've read it before? This flavour never gets old no matter how many times I reread it! Seriously! What the fuck! I'm gonna go insane!"

After rolling around on my bed, I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it while writhing in glee. How was I supposed to remain sane after reading that!?

"It's so cute! It's so cute that I'm gonna die! Killing me directly would be less painful, Sanseiu-sensei!"

Throwing my emotions into this much disarray… that was the power of the great Sanseiu-sensei. I'd heard that they tabled at a large convention a few months ago, but…

"I wanna meet them and thank them…!"

I wanted to go so badly, but…

"…I can't deal with crowds…"

---

[1] 無限回収 mugen kaishuu refers to the act of buying the same merch over and over without caring about the cost. If you've ever seen one of those huge birthday shrines with a million of the same pins? That's the energy.

[2] アルミ arumi basically is a shortened form of ‘aluminium’. This could refer to a can badge, but it could also be an aluminium standee, which is a cutout of an artwork from an aluminium can. Since Ushio is saying that instead of the acrylic standee, he got an arumi, and also that he mentioned can badges earlier, I've gone with this option.

[3] 礼王 is Ushio's OTP, Reito/Ouji. He'll explain this later! After this, he searches for 礼玉. Note that 玉 looks like 王; it's pretty common to use something to censor part of the name so that it doesn't appear in searches. I've replaced the O with a 0 to replicate the same effect since it wouldn't make much sense to literally transcribe it. 'ChocoPudding' is another version of their ship name (which he will also explain later).

---

masterlist | next →

[theoneofwhomisblue]

Maybe following 3,000 people isn't great

Because I fucking hate scrolling through this fucking site now

I'm not even joking, I fucking hate this shit

This site sucks ass

Also if this post has less than 10 notes in 3 hours I'm deleting it

I know this is completely my fault. I also don't give a fuck

I'm too tired to curate my page to be decent for me

I'm so fucking tired

This site sucks ass

Reddit sucks ass

Tumblr sucks ass

The Internet fucking sucks

Google is constantly bitching at me to pay for more space in my account cause I habitually download every Tumblr and reddit image resulting in 13 gigabytes of bullshit

I fucking hate this

Anyway

I'll find better stuff to post tomorrow

Or not

I don't know

I'm so fucking tired

Kill myself

What the fuck do I do with my time now? Is there another site or app worth my time?

Tumblr's ass, I'll still use it but it's dogshit

I'm too tired to even do reddit anymore

Twitter is fucking disgusting and gets worse by the day because of dipshit mcmusk

And that's all that comes to mind

YouTube is constant background noise, but the algorithm there is fucked up too

I hate every video thats recommended to me

I'm not doing fucking tiktok

I don't care about my standards anywhere else, but no fucking tiktok

What else is there now?

Oh yeah, I can't comment on webtoon because I accidentally said fuck in a comment, so all the fun community stuff there is gone now too

All the webtoons suck ass anyway

The only fucking app that hasn't disappointed me is cookie clicker

Been playing it for like 400 days

I make continual progress

I just check in every two days to pop the wrinklers

Then after a month or two on a run I check in after a week

Until my legacy points start to plateau, then I reset

And get all the upgrades I can afford

Buy 5 grandmas, then 90 more, then as many more as I can afford that'd a multiple of 100

I do the same on everything else

Except the fractile engines, which I buy as many as possible, no matter the multiple

And buy all the items

Then at that point I start the research facilities, then start one, and check back in 30 minutes until I've researched them all

Then I top off the fractile engines and leave for a day

Then check every day, popping the wrinklers until a week in, then every 2 days. Then after a few months once every week

Then I do it all again

And spend all the legacy points on the upgrades I can afford

It's rewarding you know

Consistent anyway

Unlike reddit and Tumblr and Twitter and YouTube and everything else, it doesn't fuck me over on the algorithm whatever the fuck

Reddits decent for the porn, that's all

You know, I used to use a lot of sites for porn

Dozens and dozens of sites bookmarked

Then at some point I started to only use r34 reddit nhentai, and occasionally the good ol hub

I didn't use to have accounts, I'd depend on my memory for different images and accounts and artists and comics and shit

Then I made accounts on r34 phub reddit e6 gelb nhentai and half a dozen others

And started saving things

It used to be a fun game to try to remember

Now it's gone

But I'm too tired to continue that anyway

Anyway, same shit everything else as with the porn at this point

No variety

Nothing fun

It's all annoying bullshit

With the Advent of machine learning chat bot whatever the fucks, there's a little bit new

But aside from that, it's just the same thing every day

I'm so fucking tired of living like this duxe

The fucking internet used to mean something

Now it's just the boring status quo bullshit

And I know that it's because of me

But still

It fucking sucks

I don't want to do this shit

And I spend like 10 hours a day on the Internet too

More than ever

But I'm not happy

Barely entertained

But it kills time

If I need information, porn, music, videos, whatever elze

Entertainment

I get it

But I'm not happy about it

It's shitty

I feel like shit

Like, my life outside the internet is decent. But the Internet consumes so much of it, and I don't even like it anymore

I don't know if there's a fix

Or if I should just stop being so online and shit

I'm too tired to do anything anyway

I don't know

I take pride in what I achieve for some reason

But as soon as I get the imaginary goal point, I don't give a shit

Over a year I got a shit ton of reddit karma on a new accoutn

A specific number, that I won't say to keep myself from seeming like I'm trying to brag

But once I got it, I no longer cared to comment or post

Over 2 or 3 months, I don't remember, whenever 196 shut down, I got a relative shit ton of followers

Again, a specific number, but I won't say

I'll keep that number secret, cause I can

But once I got this imaginary amount that I thought I'd never reach, I didn't care anymore

I still posted as much as I did before

But I got no joy out of it

I just post, wait a few hours, then check to see how many notes

If it's an amount equal to what I think is average for the amount of followers I have, I feel kinda good, then post again

But that's it

I don't scroll anymore, except occasionally on my followers profiles when I accidentally click on them while looking through my new notes

And I enjoy that

But other than those fleeting moments, and the small satisfaction I get from high note counts I don't care

I don't care for Tumblr or anything else on this shit

I don't know man, is this how other people do stuff on the Internet?

I don't think so, people always have strong emotions on the Internet

I emulate my internet behavior to match, which makes me think that maybe more people do the same as me

But I have no evidence

I don't know, I'm too fucking tired of this shit

I just got an apathy about the Internet at this point

Apps, sites, everything

I just don't care

But I'm always on it

It makes no sense

I should probably proofread this post as I go

This is just a stream of consciousness at this point

I won't check it as I go

Maybe I'll make this a thing

Just typing my unfiltered thoughts for like 30 minutes then posting

Depends on the notes I get

If the notes are bad I'll just delete it and forget about it

Who knows

I guess I keep trying to do that

I'll do something new on Tumblr like this

And think "oh, maybe this'll be a new thing I do" then it dies

At first it was my consistent posting of reddit shit for like a year ago

Then I stopped posting that consistently

Then it was random screenshots of mine

I even made a tag for that one

Then it died

I keep thinking of myself as someone important because of my follower count

Which doesn't make sense as it's not even a lot

But still

I don't know

My delusions of microcelebrity status are the only thing keeping me on this site/app at this point

If I didn't have that, and the fuel for the delusion that is notes I'd be gone

I did already fuck my recommended tab

And following tab

And tag tab

It's already all bullshit

I guess I can keep my narcissism about my status in this site because of the top post by notes tab on a blog

I just click into someones

And 9 times out of ten, they don't have top note counts even comparable to time

Which fuels the delusion

It's the same thing I'd do on reddit

"oh this person only has [x] karma, when they've been on reddit for 3 years. And I have triple that, and I've had this account for 6 months. I'm better"

Shit like this is what makes the internet garbage

I don't let it bleed into the theme of my posts and comments tho

I let it make me feel superior than everyone else

But if I made that obvious in any post it'd be for naught

For that reason I'm considering not posting this anymore

Whatever, this post is already super long rambling bullshit

If it gets good notes a single anecdote in it won't matter

And if it doesn't get good notes I'll delete it

Then there's no harm

I just thought of that reasoning now to keep doing this post

Cause I got sunk cost fallacy on this at this point

It was a vent thing at the start

Now it's just me trying to think mildly interesting shit to add

I guess I can use that other reasoning to post anything

If it goes bad, delete it, and no one would have saw it, and no one will, so I matters naught

And if it goes good, who gives a shit

Nothing I post would be bad, maybe cringe, maybe rambling bullshit, as this js

But not bad, so it'd be fine

I lost my train of thought

I think I was gonna say something else about what I'm posting, and how it would be fine

That's gone now

Poof, into the abyss that is lost thoughts

This does kill time tho

It's been like 40 minutes since I started this

This is basically what I do in my mind if I just let my mind run, uninterrupted

But here it's written down, with line breaks, and exact words rather than a mix of words and images and concepts

So it's more digestible

I suppose it's not completely true to say this is my pure train of thought, not just because of the exclusion of images and concepts

But also because I'm listening to music

Just enough to mild my mind so to speak

My mind is always going man, and if I don't have something to dampen it

Like music, or weird fidgety things I do with my hands (I don't know the word), or exact things to focus on, I think way too much

And spiral and shit in stress

But then my thoughts are too frantic and fast to write down before they disappear, so in a way this is as pure a log of thoughts as anything could be

You can tell the theme of how I sound now, vs at the beginning

If you don't want to scroll up you can just look at the tags

I typed them near the beginning

And haven't added to them

Nor deleted them

So you can just look slightly down to see the notes

It's not even the right topic anymore. It's still on reddit

And Tumblr and internet shit

Oh yeah, speaking of

I've just said my Tumblr scrolling is bad without specifying

But to specify now, it's like scrolling through Twitter

Weird serious discourses

Arguments

Peculiar topics

Shit like that

You know, not the Tumblr I had before

And if I don't like scrolling through Twitter, why would I be here? And that's the bind I'm in now

I only stick around anymore because of the notes, as I said

I'm back to using punctuation occasionally

Not too much, but at least some commas

No periods though, they seem too intense for a stream of consciousness thinf

Question marks too, but that's about all

Oh yeah, stuff I was talking about before

Webtoon

I shit talked webtoon

It's not too bad

I just fucking hate slice of life shit, dumb "funny" shit, and worst of all romance

I fucking hate romance webtoons

I can't stomach them

And webtoon is constantly shoving exactly those down your throat

And when my tolerance is low to begin with, and I enter webtoon, and it throws a fucking popup in my face for a dogshit new romance thing, I damn near snap my phone in half

But it's not too bad

I just read the fantasy/action/thriller/horror/drama (ones without romance shit) ones

But I can't navigate the canvas section decent at all

By design obviously, canvas doesn't make webtoon money, the originals do

But I'm too tired to work against them

So I only read originals

But at least they post regularly

I read around 70 webtoons now

Which is to say, I read the new episodes of them when they come out

With such a large selection, I have like 4 webtoons minimum updating every day at 7:00 pm

8:00 when there's time change

But 7:00 most of the timr

It notifies you at 7:30 but they update at 7:00

Except for the goblin one, which updates at like 7:20 for some reason

And the daily pass ones, those update at 8:00 for some reason

But they notify you directly at 8:00 for those if I remember correctly

Even still

I remember roughly which days are best

Tuesdays have the most, like 15 updated at once

And ones I really like too

Fridays have a handful, and the one daily pass that I read as they come out week by week

Saturdays have like 4 I really care about, then like 5 I think are mediocre, but they kill time so Saturdays are good

Mondays are ok, but that's about it

Wednesdays are kinda ass, but they're decent

Thursdays used to be amazing, but after like 3 I really care about went on hiatus, Thursdays don't matter anymore

But having like 60 (because 5-10 are on hiatus at a time) new episodes a week, divied up across the week pretty well

Is nice

Now, I did accidentally say fuck in a comment, because there was a guy shipping children and saying sexual stuff about it, then there was a reply on it from another guy defending it. So I got mad, and typed a paragraph saying why that was fucked up

But I said fuck

So I can't comment anymore

I don't know, webtoons ok tho

I was just pissed off earlier

What else was there

Oh yeah reddit

I've actually been temp banned from Reddit (like my entire account) twice for using up too much server space on bullshit

There's this thing where you type u/profanitycounter [self] and it tells you how many times youve said certain swears in like the past 500 comments

So, for a joke, twice I've copy pasted "cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum...", The max amount of times you can in one comment (a few thousand, I can't remember), then do that in a comment chain with myself for like 150 comments in a row

And it takes me several hours, but it's funnt

But it resulted in a temp ban for 2 days

Then like 4 months later, a temp ban for a week

Cause I used too much space, or bandwidth or whatever the fuck doing that

Also I got banned from r/Barry for saying the last season was ass

And I got banned from r/notinteresting for a reason I don't fucking know

But aside from that, my accounts clean

With a shit ton of karma too

Oh yeah, I use the same username (or a derivative of it) for every porn site account I make.

If you can find it out somehow I'll give you the passwords to the accounts

I doubt anyone could, it's a different username than I use for anything else

But there's hints

If anyone cares I'll even give you a few more hints directly in a DM if you ask

Though I will be vague as fuck

Been doing this for over an hour now

I wasn't paying enough attention to when I started

I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that Tumblr has no character cap

Let's hope so

I'm too tired to continue this shit

I guess this ends it

Let me know if y'all want more bullshit like this

I, personally, always like an unfiltered look at someone mind

But that's me personally

Maybe my mind is bland and uninteresting

Who knows

I'll stick with what I said at the beginning tho

Less than 10 notes in 3 hours and this post going bye bye

I got a headache from this shit

I thought way more than I usually do

Now that I'm more chill, I don't hate tumblr

I fucked it up for me

But y'all are good

Tumblr's good

[autumn-mythos]

AZAKIEL OF MALKHUT'S DIARY - 2 3/4 MONTHS BEFORE THE "POWER OF VIRTUE" INCIDENT.

Note: The Uncanny Valley police department was not able to remove the owner's drawings or her glitter pen for the sake of preservation.

That, and we don't really want to get rid of it. Captain porkchop thinks it's funny.

Dearest diary,

FOR MY EYES ONLY!

Working the bar was so fucking annoying good fucking LORD.

Ex-Mayor Megatron or whatever came in again. Every word that twink speaks is like a knife to the eardrum. I don't CARE that you're lonely! I really, really don't care! He was the only other person in the bar, too, so I couldn't serve anyone else...

He holds the same wretched vibe Percy had when I first met them. Like ohh my god you're not a suave fast-talking sex machine, you're going to go home and eat cereal without any milk and watch looney tunes under a pile of Wyvern Ball cosplay shirts that your girlfriend bought you! Fuck OFF!

I miss Percy.

Except this fucking condom failure probably doesn't have a nerdy human girlfriend!

He doesn't deserve anything like that! He's fucking stupid! He just. He doesn't deserve it.

I think I'm projecting. My therapist told me to stop that.

Anyway this fucking twat bursts in, COMPLETELY interrupting my flow, I was in the middle of writing my poetry, talking about a "Wonderful idea" he had. Something something Infinite Virtue or whatever. Buddy. Pal. The only reason you want to talk to me is because I'm being paid to be nice to you. PLEASE just order a drink and start sobbing in the corner about your woes.

This guy is making me miss train wizard. And that guy was the fucking worst! Would never shut the fuck up! I would talk to them all day if it meant not talking to this fucking guy.

Oh shit! I can work on poetry now that I'm home.

The sorrow you've left me in Is like

Nevermind, I'm shit at this. I should try different hobbies. Maybe fishing. I'll try fishing. This tortured poet thing isn't working out right now.

Note to self: Get a pen that Naobi didn't buy for you like two years ago while you're out getting a fishing rod. Or maybe a spear? Spears are cooler. Buy a spear. For fishing. Don't use the spear for anything else.

Yeah bye

[momo-de-avis]

You know what? Fuck it. It's not worth it. Don't go to Sintra. Everything is crowded. The town is so crowded they had to limit traffic. The Pena Palace is just one big anthill. Whatever your clever trick to skip lines or enjoy the "quiet hours", I promise you will not work. "It's raining tomorrow so I bet there will be less people!" There won't. In fact, not only will it be just as crowded, you now have to stand in line AT LEAST for 45 minutes under the pouring rain with absolutely no shelter. And don't even bother with an umbrella. Don't even bother with checking the weather app before you get there. The Pena Palace has its own climate. Is it drizzling in Sintra with a bit of wind? It's a fucking typhoon up there. You open that umbrella, you're Mary Poppin your ass down the cliff, and if not you, then your umbrella will just quit its sorry life and lift off to glide across the skies amid the tree tops, something I have literally seen every single time I've been there.

"I'll buy the tickets online with a time slot, that'll be easier!" The 11AM time slot today extended for more than a 100 meters at 11.45. My time slot was 10AM and I got in at 10.50.

"I'll go on monday, less people will go on monday!" I promise you literally every tourist in Lisbon who is alive thought the same. Monday is, in fact, extra crowded.

"Sunday, then!" Accept that there are no quiet days in Sintra. Your Tricks To Escape Tourists are actually things every single tourist has thought of. Sintra takes no breaks. You chose the Instagrammer Palace, you're going to waste 2h just standing around, waiting, and then visit the Palace in about 40-45 minutes because the staff there refuse to let anyone stop and breathe or, god forbid, read a fucking plaque or take a picture and treat that shit like goddamn Shawshank with the KEEP WALKING yelling.

"I'll go to THAT other palace then" while there are palaces that are not even a fraction of the chaos that is Pena, I promise you you're not thinking of them. Yes Regaleira is just as chaotic, if not more, you just don't feel it is because it's a fucking massive garden, and you get there and see all these tracks and paths and think "ah! I made the right decision" and then you get to the initiation well and you're back to cursing god

"I will go during low season there's less people then!" I've been hearing these words all month long, only without the exciting ingenuity of someone who truly believes they've cracked the code. Last year I heard the same in October and November. Baby boy. Baby girl. There's no low season. Everything is hell right now. As I keep saying: whatever your clever trick, literally everyone else has thought about it

"I bet just the town is okay" Sintra is a town whose urban layout looks like what happens if a kid comes up with the concept of a city in a shoebox. I don't think most people understand how tiny it is but I think confusion stems from the fact that Sintra is advertised as having beautiful places to visit like Colares and Guincho, which is true, but that's the district. The town, where all the palaces are, is small. The streets are narrow. Think oldest part of Alfama narrow, only in Sintra there's like 4 of them and that's the whole thing. You can literally visit it in one hour. I'm not dishing out on it, it's one of my favourite places and the fact that it's so small adds to the charm for me. But now drop thousands of tourists in there and you're back to that kid designing a city inside a shoebox but now he's actually dropping bugs in it.

And sure, Piriquita isn't that crowded, and you go on the takeway line and there's only two people ahead of you and you think, see this isn't so bad! And then the two people ahead of you are actually a single group of 19 spanish middle aged women who are now, ONLY NOW, deciding what pastries they want, and since they're here, might as well ask what every single one of them are, and oh you're not in a hurry are you? We're gonna be here a while haha. And you just wanted one silly little travesseiro

Just skip Sintra. It's a fucking nightmare. I'm wet, I'm frustrated, I've been on my feet for 40 minutes and I've ran out of things to explain about the fucking Palace because otherwise i simply will have nothing to say when we're actually inside.

[novemberhope]

Summary: Cordelia gets her devil fruit. Notes: I figured since I had some time on my hands I might as well put it to good use and come up with another short story. Oh well. Word Count: 2045

On this hot summer evening in Sabaody, the Rip-Off Bar was filled with people drinking and laughing. The crowd was a mix of rough pirates and pirate wannabes, all searching for fun and excitement and most of all, one drink after another. It was a lively place, but Cordelia still didn’t feel at ease here. She had no memory of her parents, no recollection of where she had come from, and had only some days ago started to trust Shakky enough to keep coming to the house to eat some food. Recently, she had even allowed herself to sleep for a few hours curled up on the couch. She never stayed long though. She accepted Shakky coming near her with food but if anyone else so much as tried that, she bolted right through the door.

The first time Shakky realized she was making progress with the little girl was when she was called names by a drunk pirate at the bar which had resulted in Cordelia biting the man’s hand. Both Shakky and Rayleigh had to held back their laughter while Shakky dealt with the angry pirate after Cordelia had ran out.

Tonight, Rayleigh strolled in, looking excited. Cordelia was standing behind the bar with Shakky, watching Rayleigh carefully as he stepped closer.

“What have you got there?” Shakky asked, pointing to the strange looking container he was carrying.

"I found something interesting on one of the pirate shipwrecks down at the shore," Rayleigh exclaimed, placing the container on the bar where currently no one was sitting.

Cordelia looked up with curiosity but didn't say anything. Although she could speak fairly well, she rarely did, except when it was just her and Shakky.

"Looks like Rayleigh brought some treasure," Shakky told her, sounding amused.

Cordelia's blue eyes widened but she was too small to see anything from where she was standing. But she was good at climbing, so she immediately ran around the bar and started to climb on the barstool that was furthest from Rayleigh.

"Let's have a look, shall we?" he said, winking at her. He already knew what was in there but he still made a show of opening the lid of the container for Cordelia's benefit, seeing that the little girl could barely contain her excitement.

Among some silver coins was a peculiar looking fruit that Cordelia had never seen before. But Shakky had.

"Is that…?"

"Looks like it… but I have unfortunately no idea what this one does." "Well, I'm not eating it, that's for sure," Shakky told him. "I like my early morning swims in the ocean too much."

"Nobody's eating it," Rayleigh said. "But that thing will surely bring a lot of money if sold to the right person."

"Yes, more overpowered pirates trashing my bar," Shakky replied, rolling her eyes.

Suddenly, people were shouting at each other in another corner of the bar. A glass was flying through the air, nearly hitting a very tall pirate in the face. He growled and spat at the other guy while the rest of the rough looking crowd at their table was shouting at them. Seconds later, both of them were having a fist fight on the floor, after bringing down the table and everything on it.

"Oh no, not in my bar," Shakky angrily said and ran around the counter. "Hey! Cut it out!"

"Always the same idiots," Rayleigh grinned after realizing who those people were. He got up lazily and followed Shakky, knowing fully well that she was able to handle them on her own.

Within minutes, people stopped shouting at each other. One of them reluctantly handled Shakky the money for the broken glasses and the damaged table.

"Now out, the whole lot of you!" Shakky said, pointing to the door. "I told you last time I don't tolerate shit like this in my bar. You want to fight, you go somewhere else. I'm not buying new furniture every time you come in here."

"Yeah, whatever," they grumbled but in the end they got up and walked towards the door.

"Better not show up around here for a while," Rayleigh warned them. Although he was smiling, there was an edge in his voice that made it clear that he did not like to be crossed.

"And now I'll have to clean up after them again," Shakky grumbled. "And you better get that Devil Fruit away from the counter, Rayleigh, before any of them sees it. I've had enough fighting here tonight." Rayleigh glanced back toward the counter. Cordelia was gone, probably scared away by the fight. But he quickly made his way towards the counter with a suddenly very uneasy feeling - and he found the devil fruit as well as the coins gone.

"Shakky!" he called.

Alarmed by the sudden urgency in his voice, Shakky came back to the counter. She took one look at the empty container and sighed. "Shit… I should have known… after being half-starved, that girl eats everything in sight and runs off with the rest, probably hoarding it somewhere."

"Let's hope she's only hoarding it," Rayleigh said. "You realize she will be our responsibility if she really ate that Devil Fruit? Those powers need to be trained - and used wisely."

"Isn't she already our responsibility?" Shakky sighed.

Looking around the bar, things seemed to have settled down. People already had returned to their drinks and conversations, so Shakky and Rayleigh quickly went outside and started to look around.

“Cordelia!” Shakky called. “Rayleigh, we’ve got to find her!”

"If she's already eaten the damn thing, something tells me she's not far off," Rayleigh said. "Those things taste horrendous."

They ran around the house just in time to see a sickening scene. Cordelia knelt on the ground, retching violently. She was as white as a sheet.

“Oh, dear,” Shakky said. She rushed to the girl’s side, kneeling down beside her. “It’s alright, Cordy. It's very bad food and you were not supposed to eat it."

"I'm amazed you managed to eat it all," Rayleigh said with a chuckle. Yes, the situation wasn't ideal. But what was done was done. At the very least, the Devil Fruit didn't seem to have altered the girl's appearance. That would make it easier to hide that she now had powers. "Most people only take one bite."

"Let's take you back to the house so you can have a glass of water to get that taste out of your mouth," Shakky suggested, gently stroking Cordelia’s hair.

Rayleigh knelt on the girl's other side, concern replacing his usual humor. “Sometimes, things are not yours to take, Cordelia,” he said softly. “That fruit you just ate was definitely not meant for you. And it will have - well, let's call it side effects. You will never be able to swim now and you need to be very careful around water. You understand that?"

Cordelia coughed, frustrated and nauseous. "I can't swim anyway," she muttered.

"Well, now you will never be able to learn," Rayleigh said. "Also, I do believe you have some coins that do not belong to you either."

Panicking, Cordelia scrambled to her feet.

"It's alright, just put the coins back in the container once we're back in the house," Shakky told her.

But Cordelia was in full-on panic mode now. She instinctively raised her hands, projecting a shimmering force field that enveloped her, pushing Shakky and Rayleigh back several feet.

“What the…,” Shakky exclaimed, caught off guard. She tried to step forward, but an invisible wall held her firmly back.

“Stay away!” Cordelia shouted, her voice trembling. She looked like she didn't understand what was going on and was more scared of what was happening right now than of Shakky and Rayleigh.

“Hey, it’s alright!” Rayleigh said, his tone soothing. “We're not mad at you. We'll fix this, ok? You can just put the coins back and we'll deal with your… ability. Just take a deep breath.”

But Cordelia was scared. She felt safe behind the force field but on the other hand, she was scared of the force field - what the hell was happening right now?

“Just stay calm, Cordy,” Shakky added, trying to keep her tone of voice light and friendly. "Don't be scared. The fruit you ate is called a devil fruit - you've seen some pirates doing things they shouldn't have been able to do, right? Remember that strange guy two days ago? He also ate one of those fruits. You have a power now too - and one that is pretty handy, it seems. It protects you - you will be very safe from now on. Nobody can touch you without permission anymore."

The words hung in the air. Cordelia peeked at the two adults through her shimmering shield, her curiosity battling her fear. Shakky stood firmly, smiling at the girl. Rayleigh, too, showed a patient expression. With a deep breath, Cordelia took a few steps back first before slowly lowering her hands. “You’re not… angry I ate the fruit?"

“Not at all,” Rayleigh replied, his voice steady. “Truth be told, if I were your age, I would have taken a bite too. If anything, we should have told you you were not to eat it."

Slowly, the force field dissolved. “It… tasted so horribly," Cordelia whispered.

"They always do," Shakky replied with a smile. "Let's go and get you a glass of water to get rid of the taste."

Cordelia hesitated. Then she slowly put her dirty little hand in Shakkys. "Ok…"

They went back in the bar where some impatient customers were already waiting to get more drinks.

"What do we have to do to get served around here!?"

"You'll get your drinks when you get them," Shakky told them off. "Now sit down and shut up. I'll be right with you."

"I'll get her some water," Rayleigh said and opened the door to the backroom for Cordelia. He did not want the girl in the bar where she might get scared and project a force field in front of all these people. "I'll be with you in a minute," Shakky told them and went to get her customer's orders.

Cordelia had sat down on the couch when Rayleigh approached her with a glass of water. He was walking very slowly and stopped some steps away from her, putting the glass on the table.

"Here you go…"

"Thank you," she muttered, not meeting his eyes.

She gulped down all the water at once.

"That must have been one foul-tasting fruit," Rayleigh grinned.

"I'm never eating one again," the girl said with a shudder.

"Well, that's good news then," Rayleigh chuckled, making sure to sit on a chair opposite of the girl and not directly next to her.

To his surprise, however, she did get up and walked over to him, stopping shortly before she had reached him. Holding out her little hand, she showed him the coins she had taken from the container earlier.

"Well, thank you," he said, gently taking them from her. "If you need some money in the future, just ask first."

She nodded and went back to the couch. When Shakky entered the back room, Cordelia had her hands outstretched, staring with fascination at the force field she had created.

"Someone's having fun," Rayleigh chuckled.

"Looks like it," Shakky said with a grin. "You want to sleep on the couch, Cordy?"

There was a tiny moment of hesitation. Then Cordelia nodded.

"Good," Shakky smiled. "Then you'll need to wash yourself and brush your hair."

Slowly, Cordelia got off the couch and walked up the stairs. Shakky and Rayleigh watched her go.

"Looks like she's slowly starting to feel at home," Rayleigh remarked.

"I was trying to look into where she comes from," Shakky admitted. "But nobody seems to know who the parents are. People have seen her around though and there are a lot of maybe this, maybe that kind of answers, but… nothing concrete. Looks like she was not rescued from a sinking ship - I'm sure that's something people would remember."

"Guess we're her parents now," Rayleigh said with a smile. "I mean, she's only one girl… after raising Shanks and Buggy, how hard can it be?"

"Oh boy," Shakky grinned. "Let's hope you're not in for a surprise…"

[vergess]

So a friend reblogging this interview tips post, which is a perfectly fine post with advice that is useful or whatever.

But I desperately need hiring managers to stop acting like the livelihood and continued survival of their interviewees is "playing the game." It's not a game; it has never been a game. It's people's survival. Our lives.

I understand that to management it's about showing team spirit. But to everyone else, management just said that I need to buy new clothes if I even want to be considered a meritorious applicant, regardless of my skills, experience and attitude.

Because every single thing I own is "ratty." That is to say, it is worn out, thread bared, and has stains/rips embroidered over. That's what being a poor person looks like.

"Oh just spend $20 on a shirt and pants."

I'm also fat. Button down shirts that won't be an Obscenity charge are $40. Pants are $60. I have 37 dollars to my name and I still have to buy medicine and shelter.

And remember: this expense is for the lottery chance that I may get hired. It is NOT an expectation presented AFTER an offer.

I get to pay for new clothes for russian roulette.

I should spend everything I have and more to buy one outfit for interviews and really, really hope that this time I get the job. Even though interviews are notoriously biased against fat people, POC, queer people, and women.

Management also just said I need to prove that I know about the company atmosphere from personal, unpaid, off the clock research above and beyond the application and interview process.

That I should self teach, BEFORE so much as an offer is made.

Meanwhile literally hundreds of my applications are thrown away on a weekly basis (I do about 15 applications a day most week days, and have been for multiple years now). The reasons for this are varied. Sometimes its because my name sounds too ethnic (I've had so many interviewers compliment me for not being Black which they thought based on my name). Sometimes they think I'm over qualified for every single job within 55 miles of me, as though having a college degree means I can photosynthesize instead of needing a home.

Often it's simply because companies lie all the time about whether they are actually hiring, posting dozens of fake job listings. That way they can tell their overworked and underpaid staff, "Oh, the reason you have 3 doubles a week is because of all those lazy unemployed assholes that don't want to work."

The fact that there is a "game" where the loser may become homeless or dead at all is deranged. The fact that the losing players all have to smile, and cheer, and cooingly tell the winners what a Good, Good Job they did is significantly more disgusting.

And let me be clear: the OP of that post is a hiring manager. That shit about "ratty clothes" is entirely under the hiring manager's opinion. There's no way to know what a given hiring manager thinks of your clothes, though if you're visibly poor, fat, or nonwhite chances are they would think you look unkempt in a full 3 piece suit with garters.

That shit about "show me you did independent unpaid labour to prove your loyalty to a company that isn't even hiring you yet" is ALSO under the manager's absolute judgment. You have NO way of knowing what stupid tidbits of information are the "right" ones to recite. You could memorize every piece of information that company has ever published and you STILL would not know which trivia is the Right Answer.

Same with the "ask me a question" shit.

There is no right answer. Interviews don't check for skills, abilities, experience, or even team cohesion.

They are vibe checks. They exist to give hiring managers a way to disqualify IMMENSELY qualified candidates over their own unexamined bigotries.

And btw? We have the science to prove it. It's called "implicit bias."

If you have an accent, are fat, aren't white, are visibly disabled or queer in any way, etc? Your inability to get a job is not because you "didn't play the game."

It's because the "game" was rigged to fuck you over from the start.

[mudhamster]

CHWHWN: 14. December - "carry your bags"

Kacchan: At this point, I would like to mention that every message I send to you could basically start with a 'WTF'. *image attached* Every following message with the simple question: WHY Deku Deku: ISN'T THAT PRACTICAL?!? Kacchan: I can carry my own bags, moron Where did you get the idea that I would accept that in any way? Deku: I don't know. I just thought that when you buy Christmas presents, it's convenient to have someone help you carry them? If you want your own bag of nachos for movie night this Friday (totally understandable on my part) and I buy them for you, then I'll carry 'your' bag. More or less. Deed done. Kacchan: Of fucking course I'll bring my own shit on Friday. Your paws in my chips - borderline yuk, but ok You have decent personal hygiene nowadays But Pikachu No one knows which socket he stuck his fingers in before. Deku: I'm happy you'll be there on Friday. Spot the same? On the couch? Kacchan: Yo, that was ok. But let's switch seats. I don't want anyone else to sit next to me and become all touchy. Deku: Kaminari's always touchy with you. Kacchan: I hate it. I'll sit on the outside. Then you. Then him. He can't get the chips that way either. Deku: Whatever you say ʅ(°ヮ°)ʃ So you want nachos? Or Doritos? We're on our way to the city anyway. Kacchan: Get both. Spicy Please Deku: Okeydokey ♡

It was the word 'please'. Just one 'please' from Kacchan and he went weak like chocolate in the sun. And then, um, … he had let himself be tempted. (And there were only 10 days until Christmas, so he really had to be active while he still had enough courage!!!) And then he had done it. He had dared. He had SENT A HEART. A HEART. Then he'd stuffed the cell phone into his pocket like it was made of molten steel and turned his attention to the distracting and exhausting task of shopping. Shouto casually told him that he would be leaving the dormitory on December 20th, and Ochacko, who had been busy choosing snacks a minute earlier, confirmed the same date. He realized that he should discuss the matter with his mother soon. But that was a problem for Future-Izuku. It wasn't until almost an hour later, when he finally wanted to take a picture of the 'bag' of Doritos on his purchase while standing in line at the checkout with a queasy feeling, that he read the last message in their chat. Or what was left of it.

Kacchan: Deleted message

[phantomdoofer]

Chapter 1: Strambos

Peppino sighed as he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Bags under his eyes. Body: getting fatter. Cheap food had that effect. Hair: still thinning. Still got its color, though. The thought gave him a slight little smug grin. And considering everything he'd been through - war, debt, that damned tower - it was a miracle he still had any hair left. He had his pizzeria - finally out of debt, for now - his old buddy Gustavo was joining him at work now, and with all the Tower residents living nearby these days, his business was, well, not exactly booming, but at least he could afford to eat more than once a day again.

The thought lightened his mood a bit.

He reached for his razor and carefully started shaving around the mustache he so carefully maintained.

As he shaved off the night's stubble, he reflected. All thing considered, it could be worse. Better than they'd been for a while, actually. And he had to admit, after spending all that time running, he was starting to feel better about himself. Maybe he could get back into his old football regimen. He doubted he'd be able to get back to his old weight - his diet alone would see to that - but he might feel more confident about himself. And it would make his Ma happier.

I need to go visit her. It had been too long. Before, he couldn't have taken a day off without driving himself further into debt. With things more stable, he could probably afford to take a day to go over and visit every so often. She told him she understood every time he called her, but he knew she missed him.

He set the razor down. Good enough. He rubbed the stubble on his chin, which never seemed to go away no matter how hard he tried. Maybe I should grow that little beard out again. He chuckled, remembering the little goatee he'd had as a teenager. The army had made him shave it off, but they'd let him keep the mustache. Ever since, he'd kept the same look. The tower had given him a bit more confidence, though. At least that much had gone well.

Maybe it was time for some changes.

Peppino grinned at his reflection, snorted, and turned.

Probably look goofy, anyway.

~~~~~

What's-a up with these strambos?

A bunch of people had been hanging out in the pizzeria all evening. Not that unusual these days, but Tuesdays were always quiet. Besides, these weren't teenagers or the tower residents. If anything, they reminded him of some of the military spooks from the war: big, quiet, and way too serious. They were paying for everything up front, though, buying drinks and ordering pizzas. Good tippers, too. One even bought a stack of pizzas to go, left, and came back and sat with some of the others.

They were giving him the creeps. Something was up, but he couldn't imagine what.

"Hey, Peppino, I've got everything cleaned up back here! It's past closing time, you want me to stay?" Gustavo called from the kitchen.

For a second, Peppino considered it, then decided against it. If these guys are up to something, I don't want anyone else tied up in it. "Nah," Peppino called back, "I'll-a cover it til the customers are ready to go. I'll-a be all right. You head home, it's late."

Gustavo called a affirmation back. "All right Pep, see you in the morning!"

Shortly after he head the back door close.

Good. Whatever happens, he's out of it. Peppino idly thought about the shotgun he had stashed below the counter. The tower proved he still knew how to use one, even if just holding it gave him the shivers. But not everyone was a good guy. Sometimes you had to be prepared.

The bell jingled as a new customer walked in. He was average height, wearing sunglasses, and built like a linebacker. He was balding himself, and had a full black beard. And yet, Peppino could see his shoulders stooped a bit, like he was carrying a huge weight. He nodded at the other customers, who nodded back.

They all stood up as one, and went outside.

Oh, Mio Dio, here we go... Peppino tensed and immediately started sweating, but he stood his ground. This was his place. He'd be damned if he was letting anybody run him out of it.

The man walked up to the counter. When he spoke, it sounded gravelly but oddly familiar.

"Buonasera. Tu sei il proprietario, immagino? Peppino Spaghetti?"

Peppino was surprised. Other than his mother and Gustavo, no one around here spoke Italian. While this one sounded a bit formal, he was pleased. "Sì, è il mio nome. Posso aiutarla?"

Then man nodded, and took off his glasses.

Suddenly Peppino realized why the man's voice sounded familiar. He heard it every day. The man's eyes were the same ones he saw in the mirror every morning. And yet, somehow, they looked infinitely more tired.

Peppino started shaking. "Questo non può essere giusto. Chi sei? Sei un'altra di quelle cose della torre? Cosa sta succedendo?"

The stranger with a copy of his face leaned his elbows on the counter.

"Peppino, my name is Giuseppe. Giuseppe Spaghetti. And I've got a lot to tell you."

Next>>

Side Stories

In and Out>>

Running Hell>>

[thequeensthroat]

Steve Albini’s mini-essay on record stores for record store day 2009, run as an ad in the Chicago Reader by Reckless Records (transcribed below the cut).

RECKLESS RECORDS APRIL 18TH. 2009

Tomatillos, "pop" & Neil Young by Steve Albini

People go to record stores for the same reason they go to the farmers market. You get to see the merchandise, wander around, look at things you would never consider on your own, take advice from people who know what they're talking about, stumble onto stuff and maybe get your mind changed about something. No kidding, since when are there more than two kinds of eggplant? Man, a butternut squash. I've always wanted to try barbecuing a butternut squash. Ramps? What the hell is a ramps? Like a leafy onion that fights with you? I do not like tomatillos. No thank you. Never have, never will. I'll eat this to humor you, but I do not like tomatillos. What else is in there? Just tomatillos and ramps? What the hell... Give me that squash and some ramps. Okay, okay. Some tomatillos.

Not everybody will go to the farmers marker. Some people will stumble instead into the convenience store and grab some potato chips and a tub of onion dip. Maybe splurge and get an enormous soda. They call it "pop" here, not soda. Soda is out West and out East. Here it's "pop." In the South you mostly hear everything called a "coke." Sometimes "cold drinks." Speaking of convenience stores, as I recall they call them "dairies" in Ohio, and "party stores" in Michigan. "Bureaus" I heard someplace. I want to say Boston, but that's probably wrong. I first heard "convenience store" when I moved to Chicago, but most people said "White Hen," even if they were talking about another franchise. Why does this matter? Because shit's different everywhere. You go to a record store in one city and the staff will have their own inside jokes and bizarre Top Ten lists and ridiculous polaroids taped to the walls. You go to another store and okay, they have jokes and Top Ten lists and polaroids, but they're all different. And the girl behind the counter is as likely to collect Merzbow as Kitty Wells, and who better to advise you on 90s latino dance music than the slightly-overweight guy who inexplicably has made it his special interest? Every store is different. The 90s latino dance music guy could just as easily be a black metal guy or a Toscaninni Conducts guy or a Boney M completist.

By choice or fate, however, he will always be a little overweight, unless he's real scrawny. One or the other. Or he could be a girl. Whatever (a word invented for record stores), he wants to help you. He wants you to only listen to the good stuff, don't bother with that bullshit. It matters to him, and he thinks it might matter to you. Let's say you want to buy one Neil Young record, and not as a joke, so you can skip the rockabilly one. He has maybe 20 credible albums to choose from. "Trans," that's a tweener. You need a record store guy who is super into Neil Young to help you through that maze. He'll talk to you, learn your opinion on tomatillos, introduce you to ramps and humor your squash-grilling aspirations. He will find you the right Neil Young album for this moment in your life.

Jesus, that's an easy one. What about Willie Nelson or the Fall? You could stock a whole store just with albums by Willie Nelson and the Fall. That's actually an amazing idea. In the back, two dudes. One really into the Fall, one really into Willie.