#just because women speak out about something and you don’t agree doesn’t make them delusional

[anothermansjeans]

not a kim k defender by any means but it’s soooooo fucking disrespectful to call her delusional when she’s reflecting on HER experiences with her past relationships and how uncomfortable she is with k*nye’s behavior

[btssavedmylifeblr]

This is not void related but just something that has been sitting heavy on my chest lol.

For some odd reason I really don’t like listening to bts songs like Woh, I need you, pretty woman or any song with female pronouns in it. It just doesn’t seem real to me? Like I remember these eras, and looking at them now and knowing they’ll never do anything that would be considered “heterosexual” so the past just seems fake and forced to me.

Like it wasn’t them singing their true feels but their company making them do it.

Compulsory heterosexuality is a real thing. And idc if i sound delusional but BTS truly are more themselves in recent years compared with their debut days. That also means they making music that speak more of their real personalities AND their sexualities. Now all their music is gender-fluid, and I enjoy that more because at least now I’m sure they’re not singing these lyrics halfheartedly without meaning any of it just for the cheque.

I don’t know why you are assuming to know their sexual orientation. Like… they might be heterosexual or they might not. They clearly want to keep that portion of their lives private from us and I am glad they have privacy in that regard.

I don’t want to argue with you about their sexual orientation because its not our business and neither of us really know but I do feel badly that you have built this narrative of them being persecuted by their company that is clearly distressing to you that we just don’t have any evidence of… like the rapline has writing credits on all of those songs you mentioned. There’s no reason to assume they were forced to write those songs that way.

My interpretation of the pattern you’re talking about is that BTS’s music has always been a message for their fans. They are speaking to us through their music. It’s always the messages they want us to know. And in the beginning there was a stereotype and assumption that they and the company were making that all their fans were women. At some point (probably around the time of the controversy with woh) they realized that their audience was much broader and included people of all gender identities and sexual orientation and they have written their music such that it speaks to anyone, not just heterosexual women. I’m really glad they made that change but I don’t think it tells us anything about their personal sexual preferences.

I do agree that BTS are more confident and free to be themselves than ever before. But I also think they have always been themselves? Like their authenticity is what drives people to them. I watch a live performance of Let Me Know and they are singing their hearts out. They’ve never done anything “half-heartedly” in their whole careers.

[dahlia-coccinea]

A few thoughts on Rachel Ablow’s essay: she perfectly frames that while Cathy does have sway over others, she lacks a true autonomous power within society, outside of her ability to make a socially advantageous marriage. She doesn’t have the opportunity Heathcliff has to go and make her fortune, nor can she inherit and be given political power like Edgar. She can only peripherally have this power through her marriage and to what the time period termed “female influence”. To contextualize “female influence,” it’s the idea that women held such influence on men that it was equivalent to actual civil rights (???). Ablow quotes author Thomas Henry Lister (1800-1842) who was against female liberation and said of “female influence”, "the question is not whether direct influence shall be substituted for the indirect, but whether it shall be superadded.” This is something I’ve seen in other writings around this time period (and unfortunately I’ve heard echoed to this day). 

So, Ablow makes clear how Catherine is excluded from true authority and political clout of any kind - and yet sides with the “Cathy only loves those who obey her” narrative, saying:

"Catherine has no real power, after all; what she saw as power, her supposed slaves appear to have seen as nothing more than requests they might or might not choose to fulfill. And at the moment when Catherine recognizes this fact, she is forced, too, to recognize her insanity.”

(Side note: calling Heathcliff and Edgar her “slaves” bothers the heck out me). She expands on this later saying:

"Catherine's madness thus reveals the double bind the married woman faces, having to choose between being delusional (believing she has power when she does not) or being insane (experiencing and recognizing the truth of her subjection).

Therefore it is not: “...the product of her recognition of her mistake in marrying Edgar (Raymond Williams), her inability to separate herself from Heathcliff (Philip Wion), her attempts to starve herself to heath (Susan Gorsky, Michelle Masse), or her dread of the coming birth of her child (Margaret Homans).”

I can’t agree with this because Catherine’s lack of power is something she recognizes and Abow’s argument paints her unnecessarily as a narcissist like so many others do...Literally, sentences ago Ablow points out how Catherine is aware of her position and that is what makes her marriage to Edgar inevitable in her mind. Yes, she declares: “I have such faith in Linton’s love, that I believe I might kill him, and he wouldn’t wish to retaliate.” But that doesn’t negate her understanding that she toes the line with welcoming Heathcliff (and simply hurting Edgar unfairly) when Nelly says she “deemed it judicious to moderate her expressions of pleasure in receiving him.” 

Ablow also picks the quotation of Cathy speaking to Isabella about her relationship with Heathcliff: “I never say to him, 'Let this or that enemy alone, because it would be ungenerous or cruel to harm them;' I say, 'Let them alone, because I should hate them to be wronged,” to say that shows her faith in her ability to command those around her - but ignores the later on in that same conversation: “I’m his friend—so much so, that had he thought seriously to catch you, I should, perhaps, have held my tongue, and let you fall into his trap.” Catherine’s relationship is not so one-sided. I don’t see why we should doubt her words here as she does care for Isabella and Isabella does (except for during her obsession with Heathcliff) love Catherine. 

Also, this shifts any blame from the other characters onto Catherine for no reason. Edgar IS wrong for blaming Isabella’s immature actions on Catherine. Heathcliff IS wrong to pursue Isabella with the intent to hurt her and Edgar. Isabella IS wrong to fetishize Heathcliff and be uncivil towards Catherine.

I would say that her ensuing madness is (among other things) brought about by Edgar casting Heathcliff out. That is at least the catalyst. I believe it is twice she mentions the desire to break both of their hearts - right after the argument she says “I’ll try to break their hearts by breaking my own.” and then again on her deathbed to Heathcliff she references this saying: “You and Edgar have broken my heart, Heathcliff!” But her focus is definitely on revenge against Edgar. She repeatedly states sentiments like: “If I were only sure it would kill him,” she interrupted, “I’d kill myself directly.” and she does reject him (although he seems to ignore it and just blame it on her mental instability) when she says: “What you touch at present you may have; but my soul will be on that hill top before you lay hands on me again. I don’t want you, Edgar: I’m past wanting you.” This is a stark contrast from her feeling towards Heathcliff, who even though he disobeyed her she says: “But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I’ll keep you. I’ll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won’t rest till you are with me. I never will!” Her acceptance of him even after he is a “brute” towards her is another bit of evidence that her love isn’t based solely on obedience...

[spade-riddles]

Sorry mate TTA but I'm gonna need more cuz it's easy & convenient for you to say all that AFTER the fact. Hell any one of us couldve sent in that ask. Perhaps ur legit but I still feel like ur just another hater making up stuff to make us look stupid.

Anonymous asked:

And we should care, why, Tea Time Anon? I'm not seeing any reason to continue supporting those two women or to put any faith into what you say.

Anonymous asked:

I really really really hope that that teatime anon isnt giving us false hopes. Like im already at the edge, one more step and im out. But right now im taking 2 steps back and hang around… again.

Anonymous asked:

Well! It's a REALLY good thing for the girls that buying out of contracts is a thing, then, isn't it!

Because them doing it ASAP is the ONLY thing that will make it so that the number of people that will support them as a out couple ISN'T so low that you can count them on one hand! 😒🚬

Anonymous asked:

Yeah sure like she moved the re-release of her most successful and most anticipated album ever *at the last minute* because of Karlie. As if she was ever gonna incorporate Karlie while married to a Kushner (the divorce wouldn't have come right away). I used to believe so much in tta. But the timeline of events they describe doesn't make sense. Am not falling for the "pivot" excuse anymore.

Anonymous asked:

“I think you all may have guessed that a PR divorce was planned and cancelled because of his Instagram deletion and subsequent reactivation.” No offense to you SR, but this sounds really manipulative. Make us feel good for something we indeed were assuming to gain our trust in order to then excuse their inconsistencies. Also even if 1989 were to be released on May, Speak Now was never gonna be released in July as they had said. Too short of a rollout for 1989. Explain that TeaTimeAnon. 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous asked:

Renegotiate!? Come on. Nope. Taylor better carry on, cause that is bullshit if true. Hell nah. Karlie is ridiculous to keep agreeing to shit—and Taylor is ridiculous to keep going along with it. Nope. Sorry. 😏

I do feel like something was coming in May for sure. I'm not sure what's going on, but things are for sure off. And it is weird that she all of a sudden announces RED 5 months early after dropping 1989 merch. Cool, no problem, but a weird rollout.

Anonymous asked:

Uh why does KK need money from jerk if she has Taylor? The whole she needs his money thing which is why she’s staying is getting to be an old excuse.

Anonymous asked:

There's no way the jerklie divorce was scheduled for the end of May. The end of the contract maybe. But there's absolutely no way they'd be getting divorced 3 months after the birth of the baby. It would have drawn too much unnecessary attention.

Anonymous asked:

Lmao tea time is just saying what we’ve all been saying. They are NOT legit. Stop trying to convince us that they are. They sound like regular fans taking a guess. Enough

Anonymous asked:

Sigh. I am a long time Kaylor and I really don’t find 🍵 credible. There was nothing in that explanation that we haven’t already speculated about at length on here. Unless there’s some strong corroboration of why they’re a trustworthy source, I really don’t need anymore “tea”.

Anonymous asked:

I mean come on. Would a real insider reveal so many details about Karlie's contract which is STILL ongoing in a place that is HEAVILY monitored by Jerk's team? Are we really that naive to believe that someone is offering such precious info without any care? TTA is either a troll or worse... they're dangling fake hope again right when everyone has started saying how sick and tired they are and how pointless it is to still support them. TTA must prove themselves, or not bother us ever again.

Anonymous asked:

Some of what TTA is saying makes sense... But here's my big question: Is Karlie sad and blue every day for months like Taylor talked about in Hoax? Or is she willingly prolonging her contract, pushing Taylor's re-recording schedule, and making it harder to untangle her and her kid from the K*shners? Both cannot be true. I'm not a big Karlie fan rn, but I think it's the first option. Also, TTA said 1989 TV would drop 5/14. So K renegotiated and T pushed 1989 in under 2 weeks? I'm skeptical.

Anonymous asked:

… so a “PR divorce” was scheduled for May, but instead we get Karlie w Joshua’s mom walking the baby and Karlie posing for pics in their stunt apt and a Father’s Day post? Among other pap walks? Literally makes NO sense.

Anonymous asked:

If anything is worth staying tied to the K*shners when you had a chance to be free, I have no respect left.

Anonymous asked:

can someone clarify what the 3rd part of tta's message?? taylors sm, interviews have been messy? like no?? that was(is) karlie?? the only "mess" on her part are that she sent out clues for multiple albums, and even that I refuse to believe that such a meticuluous planner as taylor did not take absolutely every factor in consideration, especially one as big as jerk renemwing their contract or whatever exactly went down. here im assuming that jerk had the power to single handedly renew [PART 1]

the contract, and that the term 're NEGOTIATE' is used loosely, because what could the kushners possibly have to offer to karlie other than money- black, dishonest, taxpayers' money- even her rep isnt being helped by the kushners, so why would she agree to extending their stupid skit that no one signed up for? and taylor has more than enough money to last 7 lifetimes. and if jerk had the power to renew the contract without karlies involvement, there is just no way that taylor didnt [PART 2/4]

take that into consideration. Also, the 22 weeks and men's day thing is too perfect to be planned on a whim, but it is possible that like some anon had previously said, it was planned for 2022, so we can overlook that. but otherwise, there are only so many possibilities: 1. 1989 was postponed because karlie DECIDED to continue playing house with the kushners for money. in which case, either a) taylor supported her (seems unlikely but still possible) or b) they broke up because of this [PART3/4]

2. karlie and jerk are together for real and have a kid together and karlie refused to being a part of 1989 tv era because she doesnt want kaylor rumours again, which i agree would be unpleasant if she really is with jerk, taylor is or is not with joe, and karlies refusal caused 1989 to pivot, and all of us kaylors are delusional to think there is anything more between them. <PART 4/5>,

3. karlie is, infact, bearding with jerk but kaylor broke up a while ago and taylor doesnt want to relive 1989 tv so soon after her breakup because it would remind her of karlie. 4. they broke up sometime in the past and taylor asked her now ex to be part of the 1989 tv era and she refused. 5. tta is a fraud. these are really the only situations i think are plausible, others are free to add more and share your thoughts on these. <PART 4/5>

also, another thing that has me doubting the credibility of tta is how direct their messages are. there is a chance that spade is/was legit because they spoke the same language as taylor- one of codes and puzzles. but tta's messages are wayy too straightforward to be approved by taylor i think. so either, as another anon requested, show some proof, like maybe a single release date for red tv or something, or stop sending supposed "tips" <PART 5/5>

Anonymous asked:

Convenient that TTA shows up after Red TV has been announced. Taylor has been dropping hints about all her albums since before May. Red tv being next makes sense and there is Easter eggs and evidence that was the case. Also: if negotiations happened at start of May, why was KK dropping 1989 hints as recent as last week. It’s doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous asked:

TTA: What about Speak Now TV coming out on July 9th, like you said last time? That album has nothing to do with Karlie. Taylor said pretty clearly that the next album she's releasing is Red TV. So what's your explanation for Speak Now's release being pushed to some unspecified date?

[nancylou444]

I tried to be nice

Replies to this post:

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Became this:

THEM:  hi! thanks for the answers I really appreciate the discussion. normally if someone ships something I don’t like or something like that, I’ll just leave them alone but.. just to be clear I completely respect all of your opinions, even agree with some of them, even if we might disagree on the incest and Castiel haha. So I don’t mean any disrespect with this at all, please let me know if I’m out of line though!  

 But... I saw some things you said, and they come across to me in a way that I don’t think you intended? I feel really awkward sending this haha, you’re very nice and I don’t think you said anything on purpose, but I just.. wanted to let you know that some of the things regarding your opinion on certain characters come across not very well? I don’t think it’s intentional or anything, and I don’t mean to call you out at all which is why I didn’t want to point it out in the replies y’know?  

 Don’t get me wrong though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not liking castiel or destiel. I’ve been watching the show for a while with my dad, and he isn’t a huge fan either, I don’t think that’s a problem :) 

I’d continue without waiting for a response but I don’t want to say something you’ve already been told, or continue without knowing if I’ve said something out of line already 😅

ME:  I'm kind of distracted dealing with my Mom's rehab center. But you can keep going.

THEM: Alright! I’ve tried rephrasing this a million times but I don’t know how to make it seem not antagonistic. I promise I don’t mean that you’re doing it intentionally, it’s just, uh a lot of your criticism of spn feels like it could be read as homophobic? Again I don’t think YOU are I just wanted you to know it kind of reads that way!

That sounded so confrontational. I really don’t mean it that way 😭

ME: HOMOPHOBIC? Really? A lot of the 'proof' your fellow shippers use border on stereotypes but you think I'M homophobic? Considering my top two ships are Wincest and Malec. Yeah, sounds confrontational.

THEM:  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I guess there’s no other way to say it, but I understand why you feel accused. What do you mean by proof..?

Also I don’t really think having gay ships means you can’t be homophobic. *I* used to be homophobic years ago, and I’m a gay person!

ME:  How old are you? https://nancylou444.tumblr.com/post/154098904136/a-guide-to-dean-winchesters-imaginary-bisexuality

THEM:  yeah this is starting to get frustrating. I’m gonna be real with you, why does it matter if people think dean is bisexual? like, bottom line, that is my question for you

and your answer will determine if your veracity is homophobic. why does it matter that some people think dean is bisexual. not the fans or actors or writers or anything. why does it matter that some viewers will watch, and they will think dean is bisexual?

ME:  My problem isn't that some people think he is bi IN FANON, my problem is that they want CONFIRMATION OF A FANON SHIP. And that some people DENY how the show ended. These same people think that fake weddings are more canon than the FINAL EPISODE.

THEM:  I get what you mean, but how is it a fanon ship when it’s confirmed romantic from one side, and interpretable as mutually reciprocated in Latin America? (I’m going to disregard the bit about the wedding, because I’m a firm believer in Neil Gaiman variety death of the author. Also that’s just people having fun with fanon, who cares?)

ME:  Confirmed romantic?By whom MISHA, who wanted to sell necklaces? Have you never said 'i love you' to a FRIEND or FAMILY member? The dub is not canon, so don't even try using that as proof. Death of the author is just another way of saying MY VIEW OF THE SHOW IS SUPERIOR TO HOW THE CREATOR WANTS TO SEE IT. Jensen has said many times that the ship isn't canon and that Dean is straight. But it's better to believe what Misha says because he agrees with you. You think somebody is bi because of how they sit or the color clothes they wear? That would make YOU homophobe.

THEM:  LOL You know what? I change my answer. I looked through your blog and you ACTIVELY and viscously hate Cas, Charlie, Claire, Kaia and the implication that Jack may not be straight. You’ve said Cas coming out as gay and in love with dean makes the rest of his actions predatory, compared him to a teenage girl, called him creepy, and openly rejoiced in your idea that dean looked ‘disgusted with him’. You said that Claire is awful, that Kaia is a wooden plank, that they ‘shoved them together’ for ‘woke points’ and said that Jody saying Claire was IN LOVE WITH Kaia ‘doesnt count’ and called it ‘lip service’. And it doesn’t end there! After all this, you said that you preferred the old better s4 Claire. Is it because she was ostensibly straight? Are you uncomfortable with queer women? And then you have the audacity to use these characters (Claire and Kaia and Charlie) as reasons to epicly own the Hellers and claim they already have represention. You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling. You are openly hostile to the idea of non-binary jack and were pissed that Alcal endorsed that. You devalue Jack’s value and relationship to Cas who is, textually, his father figure. I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Feel free to explain how you aren’t homophobic. I’m so sorry if I got the wrong impression.

ME: Wow I see your true colors have come out HELLER.

THEM:  Idc if you think I’m mean. Go ahead and make a post about me lol, have fun with it. Give me a moment to respond to your paragraph it’s... a lot to dissect.

I’ll touch on your comments about the dub and the Spanish language in a moment. First though

I ’m gonna be real with you, I don’t think you know what death of the author is. Neil Gaiman’s variety of the dead author principal is that once canon ends, the story belongs to those that consume and engage with it. That’s... also literally the theme of supernaturals final season. Anyway I really recommend you read up on death of the author and Neil Gaiman’s takes on fanon. It’s a fun way to consume your media, and in the end that’s what I’m here for.

I don’t care what Misha says, and I don’t care what Jensen says! I think they are both queer because I have eyes and watched the show. I think it’s a lovely narrative that is supported by canon, and it’s fine if you disagree with that

On your last sentence there... lol. It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people. But what do I know!

And finally... ‘the Spanish dub isnt canon’

I am literally cuban. My first language is SPANISH. my entire household speaks Spanish, and my family past 1st cousins don’t speak any English. My Boricua cousins have watched supernatural in full for years, and they watch it in Spanish. Do you think America is the center of the universe? Do you think our media is somehow less than yours, that our interpretations of English language media isn’t valid? What, do you think we are idiots who don’t know how to analyze literature and media? Do you think the people who work at Telemundo, people employed as dubbers and translators, you think they do a worse job than the American crew?

Why, because they aren’t American or don’t speak English? ‘Te amo’ said to a non family member is, in 99% of any instance, ROMANTIC. it’s something you say to your spouse in serious situations like weddings!! Even MARRIED people don’t normally say te amo, everyone uses te quiero unless it is very serious or romantic in context.

All of my family who are Spanish language, they heard dean say ‘y a yo ti, cas’ and think that they were in romantic love. Sorry dude! The United States might be the center of your universe, but Latin America is HUGE. Spanish is one of the most spoken languages in the WORLD. In fact, more people speak Spanish than English. Sorry that you seem to hate gay characters SO MUCH you have to say an entire language somehow isn’t valid to consume media in!

ME: 

Obviously this heller is batshit crazy. 

Some of those things she thinks I said just show she has no idea how to follow a tumblr thread. 

You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling.

Wow. 

I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Where have I hated canon gay characters and degraded them using tropes and stereotypes? The bitch has me confused with HER FELLOW SHIPPERS. 

Gotta love how she is defending the Spanish dub. Hit a nerve did I? 

It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people.

Now who is using stereotypes? 

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[hellwurld]

june 17th, in southern appalachia

jamie’s mama says that we should ignore the angels in the road, because they’re doing their best to help the common folk. jamie’s mama is round and quiet and she has these sharp nails that don’t quite fit the rest of her, a hug that clings and stays a bit too long, wraps a bit too tight. she’s sweet though, bakes in just the right way that has a lot of the older ladies and men fawning over her, and talks in just the right accent, just the right tone, that most people really don’t bat an eye at the way she’s not from here.

“some town up north” is how jamie phrases it, the place he used to live. some town, that’s all they say. all anyone knows is that there’s jamie and his mama, miss. j, and that’s all anyone has to know. some of the true southern men, the ones who stand outside with guns on their porch and deer heads above their doors, call them filthy northerners, outsiders, patriots slumming it down with the small town appalachians. jamie doesn’t listen to them much, but jamie doesn’t really listen to anyone, especially not anyone too much older than him. which is why jamie baits out the younger kids to see the angels. all of them keep a close guarded secret, not the fact that they go out but what they see out there.

everyone knows to listen to jamie’s mama about the angels, it’s the one thing all the adults agree on. there wasn’t any angels before jamie’s mama came, but they sure do exist, and jamie’s mama knows the most about them, which makes her the authority. some are more reluctant to listen, but the angels are an invasive species we could never really kick out, so the next best thing is to listen to the experts. jamie never cared much for knowledge or experts though, dragging out the younger kids, the ones maybe six or seven years old, just a few younger than him, down to the creeks and cliffs and old abandoned paths. jamie says there’s angels down there, if you know where to look, and jamie has 20/20 vision according to that old doctor down on St. Elizabeth road. the kids swear to keep their mouths shut, but they’re kids, so whispers always arise the next day. they’re all fantastical, speaking of thousands of eyes and hundreds of hands and rings that circle around too quick to see, but the kids like believing and the parents like when the kids are excited to go to church on sunday, so everyone let's it happen.

i’m too old to go with jamie on these angel trips, a bit older than he is, and far too old to believe in his funny stories. my ma was never a bible woman, not aloud anyway, so the angels were always just pretty men and women dressed in white in the faded stained-glass windows of the old church building. carolina isn’t though, not my little sister. one night, in the room we share together, i watch her get all dressed up in her fancy dress and nice sneakers and favorite ribbons in her hair. she says it’s because she’s going to see the angels, and jamie says the angels appreciate it when the kids look their best. makes them feel appreciated, he says. i think it’s silly, i think, to listen to what a bunch of northerners have to say about angels and dressing up. a bunch of stuck-up yankee’s wanting to dress all fancy because they’re delusional about angels walking around on earth is something just stupid enough for it to be fitting of them. i don’t trust it though, whatever jamie’s doing with these angels, so i follow carolina. i ask her if it’s allowed, just to humor her, and she says jamie don’t really mind all that much. so i follow her.

there’s a bunch of kids around when we make it to the shed a bit past jamie’s house. his mama waits by the kitchen window, washing the dinner dishes and giving us her watchful eye every so often. she creeps me out, jamie’s mama. too quiet, too sharp. we hear her yelling sometimes, not often, but jamie’s a troubling kid and along with that, a bit of a troublemaker. my ma tells me to mind my own, but she always seems a bit angry, especially in the summertime. i think, personally, that it’s because jamie’s at home too often. my ma always gets more tense in the early summer, because she’s not used to seeing us so often, but she’s not usually as violent. jamie’s mama is a bit mean, giving jamie that quiet sort of reprimanding when he laughs too loud on the playground or talks too loud on the church grounds. we all see it, i think, me and the rest of the older girls, but we all have the same type of ma, so i’ll bet we all get the ‘mind your own business’ speech whenever we ask if she’s angry with adults too. i stopped asking after a bit, not because of my ma, but because it always feels like jamie’s mama can hear me, and i’ll throw myself into old man carl’s pigpen before getting scolded by her.

if jamie sees me, and has a problem with it, he doesn’t say it. but still, he sure does show it, ushering the kids farther into the forest the moment i turn my back. which is, not fine, but expected. as long as carolina is semi-safe. my ma just wanted me to watch for a little bit, so i mean to just to head home. jamie’s mama isn’t at the window anymore when i look away from the woods, curtains drawn and backyard silent without her looming presence. i creep to the front yard, a foreign sense of shame overtaking me. i shouldn’t be here, is my instinctual thought, even though there’s nothing wrong with it. i have permission to be here, i am allowed to be here, there’s nothing rule-breaking or nosy about me being here. my brain still tells me i shouldn’t be here anyway.

the lanterns in jamie’s backyard are almost misleading, because the front yard is dimly —practically not-at-all— lit. there’s a soft light, coming from a streetlamp far down the street, but it’s foggy almost constantly at this altitude, and the near starless sky isn’t helping much either. the streets are damp, and the feeling of humidity, water clinging to my clothes, makes me feel both overheated and freezing to the bone. it’s claustrophobic, that’s the right word.

there’s a deer in the street, doe-eyed and long-legged and very, very dead. it’s been hit, maybe by a car or a truck or the odd bus or van, but it clearly hasn’t been hunted. it’s bleeding though, still bleeding, and i feel bad for it. it’s a dead deer though, and dead deers are more common than men and women combined up here, so i mean to keep walking. but the angel stops me.

he’s tall and shrouded in white and it feels like one moment i blinked and the next he was there, looming over the deer just a few feet back from me. the only human thing about him is the eyes, but those things are foggy as the night sky and blind as a bat and there’s at least six of them, from what i can bear to count. there’s a lot of questions i thought i’d ask the angels, but none of them come out. my ma always said i had awful impulse control and i ask the only thing i can think to ask: “what are you doing down here, with the dead deer and the loud children, when you could be up planting camellias with god?”

the angel looks down at me, and for a long moment it’s just a twelve year old girl and an old angel making eye contact on some side street on some mountain in alabama. the angel grins, teeth sharp and in rows of three and says: “girlie, god has got plans for deer too. even the dead ones. even the loud ones.”

i don’t like looking at roadkill for much longer than that. so i tell the angel goodbye because my ma says that’s the polite thing to do and i don’t ask anymore questions. what happens to that deer is between the deer, the angel, and god, and i find that there must be more dangerous things then angels in the forest to worry about anyway.

[terfetuloa]

I recently 'peaked' and started doing feel how you do about libfeminism too. I still struggle with this fear that I'm buying into some kinda fascist rhetoric (even though there's no evidence for that) but it makes me happy that there's a community on here of women, many lesbians and woc, who are speaking their mind freely

Hey anon! Beforehand, lemme apologize for replying to you this late, the past days were a bit hectic for me. I sincerely hope for this reply to reach you somehow. 

I'm glad you peaked! It's a hard and confusing process, mixed with disappointment over lots of stuff you've done before 'waking up' and towards people and discourses around you that consider your new opinions as something too extreme, hateful, or even devoid of serious analysis (as if you're just an irrational hateful person who can't think straight). When I first started to question my beliefs regarding gender ideology and trans rhetoric my immediate response to my doubts was to tell myself that I wasn’t a bad person. 

When you're systematically conditioned to hate the evil terfs and to shudder at the mention of radical feminism and terms alike, it's hard to get rid of this impression once you start to realize you're probably one of the evil terves. I had feelings along the lines of "I'm probably leaning towards radfem, but I'm not like them, I can be gender-critical and be a good person". See the problem? Lots of women full of doubts will never approach radical feminism and gender-critical concepts because it's rooted on their very core that said ideas are essentially evil, regressive, even fascist. 

I understand your fears, but after months interacting with radfems and TRAs I can assure you I never saw any radical feminist advocating for trans people to lose civil rights (like healthcare, housing, a job) or sending them rape and death threats, orchestrating campaigns for them to lose their jobs and to boycott their business... While all of this was already done by TRAs against women. As I said in my pinned post, I believe that there are trans people minding their own business, trying to live their best lives without claiming rights at the expense of female sex-based rights. But trans ideology on its political aspect is harmful. Harmful to women as their politics deny them their female-only spaces (like shelters, bathrooms, sports), erase language concerning female reality (by saying "people who menstruate", "people with wombs", "people with vulvas"), by hurting children, especially gender non-conforming young girls (by reinforcing the idea they have to get hysterectomies/mastectomies, puberty blockers that will ruin their physical development, testosterone with its everlasting effects)... 

I see trans ideology as a selfish liberal agenda that only reinforces the ties within which patriarchy holds women submissive. Try to ask a trans activist about what's a woman and be ready to listen 1) circular definitions (a woman is a woman), 2) stereotypical aspects of femininity as equivalent to womanhood (women are fragile, delicate, they like pink and makeup), 3) the "lady brain" argument (neurosexism), 4) the transcendental argument (a woman is a feeling)... And we know that's not why we're women. We're women because we're adult human females. The material reality of my body explains why I was socialized a certain way, why I'm the target of some specific forms of violence. Yes, across cultures gender roles change and the perceptions of what "looks like" a woman or a man too. But the material reality of what is a woman and a man doesn't change.

What makes me a woman is the same thing that defines what's a woman in Sri Lanka, Ghana, Austria, or even in an isolated indigenous tribe in the middle of Bolivia. You know this, everybody knows this, even those too delusional to raise the trans flag know this. If they didn't they wouldn't be so eager to crucify women daring to say the truth, desperately trying to change the meaning or words, and coercively trying to change reality. To call out a woman for stating facts about her material reality accusing her of being a bigot, someone equivalent to a nazi is PURE MISOGYNY. Most of the time you don't even have to say "trans women are men" to receive your Evil Terf badge. You just have to say "women menstruate" or anything related to your experiences as a female. And the backlash is HUGE. So, who are the fascists here? Not the women raising their voices against a male-centered movement trying to pass as an oppressed minority whose tormentors are "privileged cis" women. 

So don't feel afraid, you're not aligning yourself with a fascist movement. It's hard to act based upon what we feel in a world where critical women are haunted down like witches (side note: curious how "oppressed queer people" have such power under capitalism, right?), but you can try to see if you're lucky enough to have any of your irl friends agreeing with you, you can go anonymous and ask questions, you can create a side blog and make new friends... There are lots of smart women here to listen to your questions and share their experiences. Eventually, your fear will pass and you'll find yourself. Be safe, anon.

[quillquiver]

Alex’s Big Nerdy Destiel Canon Rant

I love talking about canon: what it is, what gets to be part of canon, etc. so I want to add my two cents to all the discourse! To my mind, yeah, literary theory uses the word ‘canon’ to describe the complete text (including subtext), but like... that definition isn’t necessarily useful in a fannish context, and it’s certainly not useful in the Destiel fandom.

Just hear me out: even deciding what is part of SPN canon text-wise is a mine-field. Are we counting what Jensen and Misha have said at cons? Are we counting tweets? What about the series of SPN tie-in books that exist? If all these things are paratext, and we’re really only looking at what has been said on the show that’s cool, but I suspect that many people have differing opinions on what SPN canon even consists of! And this makes a lot of sense: the show has been around for 15 years, and the fandom is composed of a whole bunch of people whose ideas about canon, even coming into the fandom, are probably pretty different. Plus, we’re an online fandom, so things are de-centralized and it’s wayyyy harder to even agree on or establish a definition of what the actual, canonical source text even consists of. 

Setting that aside, language has also always evolved to suit the needs of the community using it. Queer culture, for example, re-appropriates, reclaims and creates new terms all the time (that then may get picked up in mainstream media, where the meaning may change yet again!). Because fandoms can sometimes drastically differ in terms of language usage, I can’t speak to other fandoms besides the ones I’m in. But! By my reckoning, Destiel fandom took the word canon, (which in a perfect world refers to a single, total, indisputable source text, subtext included), and changed its meaning. In the linguistics world, this is called a semantic change! We’ve largely removed ‘subtext’ from one of the things we consider canon, because that doesn’t suit our purposes - due to the really fraught history between SPN creators and DeanCas fans, canon for us has come to mean something different. But more on that later.

At this point, I know a lot of people are gonna argue with me. BUT THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE THERE’S AN AGENDA! LANGUAGE IS OBJECTIVE! IT’S A TOOL! To which I say: language has never ever been objective, because people aren’t objective. If you think that language does not exist to serve a purpose, consider the assimilation of Indigenous peoples through the use of English. Or the fact that the Ancient Greeks used to describe colour differently than we do, because that served them better. Language always exists so we can better communicate and understand each other, and policing it has always been a form of subjugation, whether that be through the policing of what language or dialect you are/are not allowed to speak, or how to speak it. One of my profs loved to remind us that grammar is classist - as long as we can understand each other, how something is spelled really shouldn’t matter. 

But back to SPN. We as a general fandom have a really unique relationship to our content producers. We always have. It’s the reason we’re the go-to case study when fan studies scholars want to look at the fan/producer relationship in western media fandom. Destiel fandom? An even more fraught relationship, because for a very long time, the producers did not consider Destiel as part of the canon of their own show. If they had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation! But the first time SPNs narrative even deigned entertain the idea of Destiel as existing seriously and explicitly in the narrative, it was during their 200th episode, and it was a “you have your interpretation, we have ours”, which super invalidates the mocking hell they put us through beforehand. The fact that DeanCas fans have been condescended to and queerbaited for so long means that, largely, we’ve decided that DeanCas canon cannot and does not include subtext... even though, yes, the existence of Destiel romantic subtext technically means the ship is, was and has always been canon (i.e. part of the complete episodic source text). After being told you’re delusional, you’re wrong, you’re crazy for so many years, the idea of a canon DeanCas became entwined with the idea of explicit, incontrovertible romantic text in the show, because it’s not only about Dean and Cas... it’s about the recognition that our reading is also correct. That we were right all along.

People will argue with me here, but don’t misunderstand me: I’m not saying that fandom needs approval or validation from the creators - we really, really don’t. Whatever we see in any show is canon just by virtue of it being there, and so is a valid reading, and that is definitely enough. But SPN is nothing if not the exception to almost every rule, because context: 12 years of being told you’re insane by the people in the diver’s seat, and 15 years of having this on-and-off fraught relationship with creators in a way that had previously never happened. SPN fans are close to the writers and producers and actors in a way that very few other shows are, and we have been for a long-ass time. The writer’s room is an authority, for sure, but they’re also like a group of fans we're constantly at odds with, and that means we treat them like we would other fans. We discuss, we ask questions, we argue. And yeah, the mentality of fighting over ownership of the narrative is one that is very early 2000s, but considering that’s when the show started, it’s not a surprise that it never really left us. In other words: because of our closeness to TPTB and our history with them, there’s a desire for recognition and validation (vindication?) that is unique, but nonetheless there and important.

Back to canon. In the literary world, canon is used to describe a complete text (which again, people have a hard time agreeing on what that even consists of), but it’s also used to describe a complete body of literature. For example, you often hear literary scholars talking about “British literary canon”. Here, canon is used as a way of organizing the most important, worthwhile works of a community, and so is also used as a tool of exclusion and subjugation. Canon excludes people, like BIPOC and women writers, to serve the most powerful culture’s interests - it has a very specific purpose. In this same way, I’ve seen people using their own definitions of canon to invalidate the feelings, experiences and definitions of other fans. For example, there have been a couple posts floating around saying that we absolutely and in no uncertain terms need to use the canonical definition of literary theory (one single, subtext-included source text to rule them all) and I have an issue with that because first of all, not everyone knows literary theory, and second of all... why? Canon is and always has been a polysemic term - it has multiple meanings. The OG example of this is religious canon: it eventually stabilized, but like, I’m Greek Orthodox, and my bible does not look the same as that of a Catholic Christian. But to hear both sides talk, they each have the real canon. So canon can mean something different depending on who you’re talking to, even when you’re talking about the same thing. The important thing is that whatever a community decides is canon, that’s it. That’s what canon becomes. 

But what if your community doesn’t have one single definition, because canon means something slightly different to everyone? Well, that’s also fine! Because again, language is only there to allow us to understand each other. If we’ve all been talking about canon and largely understanding one another for the past 12 years, that means we actually never had to have these kinds of conversations, because we largely agreed that subtext was not canon, and destiel never really left the subtext. But we just had Castiel confess his love to Dean (still reeling from that), and so the minutiae of what constitutes canon (a kiss, a hand-hold, a love confession) is suddenly pertinent and important - because we’re all on the same side, but we all have slightly different ideas regarding the details, and who the heck knows what we’re gonna get in the finale, if we even get anything. So we’re all talking and yelling at each other, all trying to say my very specific definition is the right one because xyz when in reality... all of us are right. 

Believe it or not, this discourse about what the minutiae of canon is, is actually how we come to a more specific definition. That takes years, and will be infinitely more difficult in a community that is so de-centralized and whose members are always changing, but it’ll eventually happen. Maybe. For now, though: your definition? That’s the right one for you. 

Do not let anyone shame you for thinking Destiel was already canon, or not thinking it is by the end, or insisting their definition is the best, right and only one. Canon is a polysemic term, and that means your reading is in there. But that also means everyone else’s is, too. 

[heathersgameoftag]

preview of next fic under the cut

not me forgetting that i put these on my blog now

“I wanted to do a nice happy greeting, but instead I have to warn you that you have a problem up ahead.’

Betty, Martha and JD had all met them by a window that Duke had happily perched herself on. Well, happy was a stretch. Content might be a better word. She hadn’t exactly been joyful at any point throughout the entire morning, it was starting to get excessive, even for her. It made Heather so sure that she was still keeping a lot from her, even though she had confessed she was upset because of her parents, because there had been plenty of times she had been upset with her parents and she had recovered the next day. It was down to the sad fact of ‘growing numb from it’, but still. She wouldn’t even turn away from the scenery outside, though it was grey and dim, to greet any of the newcomers.

Heather followed Betty’s gaze as she nodded up the few steps next to them. She had been speaking to Veronica, but it concerned her too.

“Oooh, look who decided to show her face,” Veronica commented, having also turned to see the figure furiously marching towards them.

“Oh, she looks mad,” JD said, coming to stand next to her. “And she’s looking at you directly. Good look, babe!” He shoved her forward playfully, to which she grunted at him indignantly.

“I love having support from my boyfriend,” she snarked, before turning back to the huffing girl stopping just a few feet away, glowering at her dangerously. Not that it was scary, Courtney wasn’t all that tall.

“What the hell did you do?” she hissed. Heather just smiled innocently at her.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You - or somebody here, knows exactly what I mean.” She shot an accusatory glare to all of them. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. People have been whispering about me all goddamn week, and I want answers.” She reached out and grabbed her collar, sneering, “What did you tell them?”

Heather slapped her hand off in disgust. “You’re delusional,” she said, feeling a twinge of guilt for pretty much gaslighting her, but she reminded herself that it was different from when her parents did it to her. Courtney actually deserved it. “I haven’t spread anything about you.”

“It has to be you!” Courtney barked. “I know you’re upset that I insulted your little loser posse.” She eyed Betty, Martha, JD, Veronica and Duke in disdain. “It’s not my fault you let a bunch of nobodies infiltrate your friendship group, I was just pointing out the obvious!”

“Now, if you keep talking like that, maybe I will spread a rumour about you,” Heather said. “How’s, ‘the amount of times I’ve seen Courtney not wash her hands after using the restroom is gag-inducing, to say the least.’”

The group (except Duke) chuckled quietly while Courtney looked disgusted.

“That’s not even true!”

“Doesn’t have to be true. They’ll believe me.” She examined her nails, looking aloof. That only enraged Courtney more.

“You spread something! Tell me what it is, Chandler!” she demanded furiously. “Nobody will tell me. Whatever it is, you’re going to tell me right n-”

“Oh, fuck off, Courtney,” Duke suddenly spoke up, turning her head away from the window at last to shoot her an irritated glare. “Take your damage elsewhere, would you? Literally none of us care about some random preppy bitch scared of what some randos in the school are saying about her. You’ll be forgotten as soon as we all leave for college, hell, you’d be forgotten now if you didn’t constantly whine like a stuck up, spoiled little brat.”

Courtney, as well as everyone else, was understandably taken aback by the sudden outburst. Perhaps it wouldn’t have seemed so harsh, had Duke not looked so disinterested. She didn’t even hold her gaze, she just turned back around and gestured for her to leave with a flick of her wrist. Courtney let out a frustrated grunt, but exited the scene and made sure to glare at Heather snidely on the way out. Once she was out of sight, she laughed out loud.

“Oh, she is mad,” she chortled. “Coming up with a non-existent rumour was perfect, Heather.” She glanced at Duke, hoping to catch her eye to give her some praise, but she didn’t turn around. She gave a shrug, to Heather’s disappointment.

The group frowned at her, and while Mac decided to sit next to her on the window sill, she heard Martha lean to Veronica and whisper,

“Is she okay?”

“Um… she’s…” Veronica stammered, wondering what to say that wouldn’t get his head bitten off by Duke.

“Her parents are… getting on her nerves,” Heather quickly said, saving Veronica the stress. That shouldn’t reveal more than Duke would have liked; everyone gets irritated by their parents.

“That’s one way to put it,” Duke muttered, mostly to herself. Mac scratched the back of her neck nervously.

“So, should we go grab lunch? Since we’re all here,” she asked, looking around the group. The mood lifted and everyone agreed.

“I’ll catch up,” Heather told them. “I just need to get today’s question for lunchtime poll.” She left with them down the hallway, but stopped when they reached a turn.

“I also need the bathroom, so, I’ll catch up too,” JD added, hurrying off ahead of the group. Heather went in the opposite direction, and just before she reached the door to the student room, an arm slammed in front of her. She stepped backwards, immediately growing irritated upon seeing Courtney again. Didn’t she ever quit?

“I know you did something,’ she growled. ‘I’m not giving up until you tell me what.”

“Fuck off and stop bothering me, you goddamn leech.” She pushed her arm aside and tried walking towards the door again, only for her to step in her way.

“And here I thought you were wise in picking friends and enemies, Heather,” she hummed patronisingly. “As of late, it appears that isn’t true.”

“I know what I’m doing, so quit acting like I’m falling from grace or whatever you want to call it. Those people sit at my table because I let them. They’re Veronica’s friends, so I’d rather they not be harassed by bitches like you. And, you know, I’m dating one of them, of course,” she quickly amended. Courtney’s eyes narrowed.

“So you’re picking loserdome over people actually worthy of recognition now?” She not-so-subtly gestured to herself. “You’re a disappointment.”

“If it pisses you off, that’s fine by me.” She went to step around her, but Courtney wasn’t finished.

“Fine. If that’s how you want to play this, then maybe I’ll just find something to spread about you. You know, to make it even.”

Heather laughed out loud at that. “Good luck getting people believing you. Why do you think no one ever bothers us, hm? I make sure they don’t.” She turned to sneer at her. “Spreading lies about me won’t get you anywhere.”

Courtney took a step back, but brushed her threat off. “You’re not exactly as respected as you once were, Heather. Hence my whole warning about the friends you’re picking.” She cocked her head to the side and smirked. “Besides, I wasn’t going to spread a lie. I’m sure behind that perfect little image you’ve made for yourself, there’s something dreadfully embarrassing that you’d hate for anyone to get their claws on.”

Heather did her best to keep her expression from changing.

“Then I wish you luck finding whatever secrets you expect to find somehow. You’ll need it.” She straightened herself up, brushing non-existent dust off of her collar as if the mere presence of Courtney was making her filthy. “Meanwhile, I’ll find a lot of entertainment in your weird obsession with me.”

“It’s not an obsession-”

“Yeah, yeah. Have fun stalking me to figure out what’s happening in my personal life!” she sang over her shoulder as she walked away. “Totally not weird of you at all!”

She was soon out of her view, having stepped into the student room to grab her clipboard from Peter. She read over the question several times on her way back to the cafeteria, but it was hard to focus. As amusing as her argument with Courtney had been, the thought of her actually figuring something out did alarm her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. It’s not that she felt insecure about her choice in friends - even times when she thought she regretted expanding her bubble the way she did, she immediately shook the thought away when remembering what had happened last time she had disregarded Veronica’s friends as little more than the scum of the school that she could take advantage of whenever she wanted.

She wasn’t going to go back to that state of mind all because Courtney didn’t approve of her decisions. As daunting as the status quo change had been, she knew it was for the best to rid of that toxic mindset. But since she was making that choice, it seemed now she was an easy target for sabotage. And there was a lot of material one could use, if they found out somehow. Small things, like how her relationship with JD wasn’t real, or that she hasn’t seen a Remington party invite in ages, and didn’t want to see one ever again. Or there were the bigger things, like her actual choice in partners, or her reasonings for being so much more wary at parties. If any of those things got out, she knew it would be the end. Sure, Duke had managed to stay in power, but she wasn’t sure if she could be quite as strong as her if it came out that she was pansexual. Last time people had assumed she was attracted to women, hell had broken loose, and… she never wanted to go through that again.

The exception being her family, of course. That hadn’t bothered her at all. Coming out was little more than a tool to cut them out of her life for good.

She unfortunately found herself wondering if it would be better to separate the lunch tables again; perhaps she’d be safer that way. Not even just her - all four of them would be safe. Then that thought was dismissed upon seeing Veronica so happy to have Betty and Martha with him, laughing as he attempted to toss popcorn into Betty’s mouth from one corner of the table to another. No, she absolutely could not return to the old status quo, even if it benefited her a lot more. She had to stop being so selfish.

Then she found herself wondering, what of her reputation? She wasn’t about to deny that it was definitely crumbling. People still looked up to her, sure, but how long would that last? Would her newfound generosity slowly erode it away until she was just a face in the crowd?

But that thought got chased away while she was travelling around table to table, when she saw JD in the line for lunch, later than the rest of the group due to his trip to the bathroom, probably. A couple of guys were pushing and shoving him, all to cut in front of him in the queue. Well that just wouldn’t do. She marched over and grabbed his arm, pinning all three boys with a piercing glare.

“Is there a problem here?” she spat. Their brave, cocky expressions all collapsed, frightened ones being left behind in their place. They slowly shook their heads, awkwardly and fearfully. One of them stepped backwards in line, as if offering JD his place back, but she just scoffed scornfully and walked forward, until the two of them were right at the front. She felt bad for the girl who was about to grab a tray and walk through to grab her food, but it was worth it to gain the satisfaction of having JD grin at not having to wait in line any longer. When the girl behind them shot them a disgruntled look, she glowered at her threateningly, which got her to lower her head.

“Nice, I love boyfriend privileges,” JD said, grabbing a tray. He stepped aside and gestured to the space next to him. “You coming?”

“I’ll be there in a bit, I still have to bother some people with today’s question.” She stepped away. “See you later.”

So, no, she wasn’t going to change anything about her relationships to get Courtney off her back. If Courtney wanted to try and have her revenge with her, then so be it. If she suffered because of her, then surely, surely it would be worth it.

[asterekmess]

Scott McCall stans claiming he's revolutionary because he's totes "femme and queer coded, the queerest and most effeminate of the male cast" or some other delusional garbage is so funny because 1) LMFAO no, he's not and 2) they treat female characters (especially Scott’s canonical love interests) like utter shit despite claiming to love Scott for his canonically nonexistent ~feminine~ traits and mannerisms

Honestly, I have no clue what Scott fans say about Scott. I kind of avoid most Pro-scott stuff because it turns my stomach. So, I didn’t know they say anything about him being feminine or queer-coded, but I don’t really agree with that statement either.

From what I see...Scott’s really masculine? He’s got the shaggy boy haircut (which isn’t really feminine?) thing going...but that immediately goes away and we end up with the shaved sides quiff thingy. He starts off with the layering thing (also not feminine) but switches out to muscle T’s and Henley’s? He’s really beefy, which is seen as masculine. he plays a very high contact sport, which is also seen as masculine. He drive a motorbike which is masc. Even his Tattoo is masculine (no color, no intricate designs, I dunno how people make tattoos masc or femme, but apparently they do) He’s not well read before Season 3, and he only does that as a form of self-betterment (not that I’m knocking any attempt at bettering himself), not because he’s actually a lit buff. Honestly, I have no idea what feminine traits they think he has? When he gets angry he doesn’t cry (which is seen as a feminine response) he shoves people and he snaps lunch trays and leave dents in the walls with his head. V masculine. He cried once when Deaton taught him the pain drain thing...but??? So does Isaac? He works with a vet...and I guess working with animals is kinda seen as feminine? Kinda? He’s not soft-spoken. He’s not very empathetic to most people. He’s not fashion-minded. I’m struggling to think of any feminine things about him? (If you know what they think some of those traits/mannerisms are, I’m actually curious)

As for queer-coded...what? Scott shows no interest in men. He sniffs Danny to find out if he’s a werewolf and compliments him on his Armani when he gets caught. When Stiles asks questions that are clearly a lead-in to some kind of sexuality conversation, Scott barely hears him, let alone cares. He’s very sex-positive, very romance positive. There’s the weird moment with Isaac at the rave, yeah. It was uncharacteristically intimate, the whole “i care about you” thing. But I find it very very hard to believe Scott has any interest in Isaac when he THROWS HIM into A WALL for saying he might like in Allison. TWICE. (And we’re not talking about sterek here, but yes, I know that Derek pushes Stiles up against a wall and smacks his head on a steering wheel and punches his hand. None of those are BODILY LIFTING someone [for the record, someone who was regularly abused for the majority of his childhood] INTO THE AIR and THROWING THEM at  a WALL. Also, Derek is established as having issues being touched/body issues and Stiles made him STRIP in front of Danny. They were both being assholes here.) He gets all smiley when someone at Jungle buys him a drink, but it was pretty clearly not him being excited he got noticed. It was him teasing Stiles for STILES not getting noticed by anyone except drag queens (Which was a horrible horrible joke), hence their little snipes at each other. Hell, Stiles asks if Scott wants to make out with him (just to test. you don’t have to be in love with someone to kiss ‘em.) and Scott laughs at him and walks off. What part of that hints in any way at someone being queer? Unless they’re talking about queer as in like, his gender? Which, I mean, I’m not knowledgeable enough on the trans/non-binary experience, so I guess maybe. But he never seems to show any kind of dysphoria with his body (NOT that dysphoria is required in order for someone to be trans/non-binary. I am NOT saying that.) or an interest in breaking gender norms, or even any interest in the concept of gender at all. Those are all ways in which people are ‘coded’ to be trans/non-binary within media, and I see none of it? Maybe I’m missing something.

As for being the queerest, most effeminate male character...uh...Danny is canonically gay? He automatically wins? Even Jackson is canonically Bi at the end of the show, and in being fashion-forward (which is apparently femme) he technically hits the top of the merged section. (unless you count Danny’s armani as him being fashionable). And if we’re just going for the most effeminate, I’m pretty sure that actually counts at Isaac? With the scarf thing, his trauma causing him to have similar mannerisms to women just by virtue of him trying to look smaller and speaking softer. Especially around Scott? Uh...he’s skinnier than the others, not as beefy (though still v muscles). Anyway, no matter what, I’m pretty positive Scott is neither the most queer, nor the most effeminate male character of the cast.

On the topic of how the Scott fans treat Scott’s love interests, I’m not super familiar with it, but I honestly don’t doubt that someone can both be incredibly proud of effeminate men while still disrespecting women. Women are nurses, men are doctors. Women are housewives, men are chefs. Women like clothes, clothing brands are mostly owned by men. Men are often praised more for things than women, just by virtue of being men.

[karama9]

Foreshadowing...?

Of the bad kind. This is about JK Rowling and her transphobia, so trigger warning here. I’ll tag too.

To be clear, yes, I’m calling her transphobic. I know she disagrees, I think mostly because she believes she doesn’t actively want to harm anyone, but she is delusional in thinking she’s not in fact harming transgender people by denying their identity and excluding trans women from women places. Her words and actions have been harmful and it is due to her inability to accept and recognize that transgender women are women and transgender men are men. Anyway, I’m not here to even debate that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s obvious and goes without saying.

I wanted to point out another red flag. I’m sure it’s been mentioned somewhere before because I can’t imagine being the only one who picked up on it, but I haven’t seen it discussed much when I last looked a few weeks back. I didn’t look very hard, so I might have missed it, but this post is just to boost awareness of a disturbing parallel.

As you may know, Rowling writes a series of detective novels under the pen name Robert Galbraith. We could talk all day about using a male name, after using a neutralized name for the Potter series, and how her willingness to deceive people about her own gender may bleed into her opinions on transgender people, but I’ll leave that to others.

The parallel that bothered me when I read it and that keeps coming back to my mind now is a part of the plot of I believe the third Cormoran Strike novel. In the book, Strike and his assistant come across people with body integrity identity disorder (also referred to in text as transable I think) and need to get information and help from them for their case. 

Strike despises them. Their existence makes him very angry. He’s amputated himself, the result of a war injury IIRC, and people who, in his mind, are faking it (they’re not, it’s far more complex than that), enrage him.

The gut reaction is I think understandable in the narrative, so it’s up to the author to do something with it. For one thing, she chose to include this plot element, and it’s not something that can be brushed off as just plot convenient. It received a fair bit of emphasis in the story.

The disturbing part? Nobody really corrects him, and neither do circumstances. His assistant is way more chill but although they discuss it, she just shrugs off his opinion, agrees to disagree. He’s the one who has lost a limb, she figures his opinion is more valid than hers maybe? I honestly can’t remember the details but basically, the ‘confrontation’ was basically her asking him why he was so angry, him angrily telling her and her accepting it. As the reader, if you go in neutral on the issue, what you’re seeing is the disabled hero rightfully angry at the “fakers” (again, they’re not actually faking) and his non disabled assistant not realizing at first why. The narration even takes pain to point out that one of the characters is using up a handicap spot because she’s using a wheelchair.

I can’t speak to the needs of people with this disorder. I cannot speak to whether or not treatments are reasonable, effective, painful, or helpful. I have no idea but I do know researching it on the internet would not be reliable since I don’t know enough to evaluate the sources I’d find. I tried, and the one thing that seemed to be fairly safe to conclude was that it’s quite rare.

So why do I find this plot line disturbing? I cannot unsee the parallel with transgender people. Especially the very noticeable, well emphasized idea that one of the transabled person was using up a handicap spot and shouldn’t have been, and that the hero felt they were basically faking, and the heroine, although she didn’t share his anger, pretty much didn’t dispute this. You’re left with the impression that the overly kind girl is just willing to let them fake if it makes them happy. She’s also in an abusive relationship, making it distressingly easy to see her attitude towards the characters with  body integrity identity disorder as just in character for her, as if they were abusing her kindness too.

To my mind, the whole thing was a stand in for transgender people and how Rowling feels about them. Like Robin, she wants to be accommodating because she strives to be kind, but she firmly believes she’s allowing them to play pretend and like Strike, she will not give ground on this - as far as she’s concerned, they’re playing pretend and they should absolutely not be treated like actual men and women.   

And as I said above, I have no idea how to feel about transabled people. I haven’t seen enough (this was my first and so far only exposure beyond some googling) to know what their needs are. Strike absolutely seems intolerant, and it made me very uncomfortable because the characters were clearly being earnest and not malicious. 

But seeing it as a parallel and stand in for transgender people, it really hammers in the things Rowling has said and it is SUPER disturbing.

[fymagnificentwomcn]

Farya was not only a bad and unnecessary character, but was also sooo annoying, not only for me?

I mean…

outside how her character was out of the place, she wasn’t even likeable? My mum knew nothing of Ottoman history & how her character is so ahistorical and she hated Floprya so much, you cannot imagine.

Her ranting that if Mu/rat does not kill Ayşe, she will do it herself & being all “Damn ilahtar and Kösem, they will try to convince Murad not to kill Ayşe, and otherwise he’s so merciless DANG”.

Her feeling of superiority and being special truly shows you why she had best relations with

Mu/rat and Atike in the palace lmao.

She’s also repeatedly completely ignorant of Ottoman system & yet thinks she can be Valide (ater)?

Kösem, Gevherhan, and Ayşe told her multiple times how it works and what might ultimately befall her. Of course Ayşe wanted to just piss her off, but she actually told her truth – Murad was keeping her as his mistress closed in golden cage and just waiting when he decides to grace her with his presence, mostly at night to have some fun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) . Living outside harem meant that (surprise!) She had a worse situation than slave Ayşe, who had an acknowledged & legitimate position as haseki and mother of princes. Being a foreign princess meant nothing there – she was kept in hiding, had no clear position in Murad’s life, and was actually living in sin with Mu/rat (yes, Murad was so mad about Kasim breaking the rules, but he was doing something far more scandalising himself when it came to sexual propriety & he was the ruling padişah). Her being so happy about not being placed in harem initially & thinking how she was so special she was given a separate palace.. shows precisely how ignorant she was of the system she CHOSE to live in.

Kösem and Gevherhan warned her how not having a kids meant she would later fade into obscurity & even legal marriage could not change it – she completely dismissed it because of “their great luv” & stuff.

Kösem knew Murad much better than Floprya did LBR and when she said his “great luv” would pass, she knew what she was talking about – she was even shocked when Mu/rat gifted Farya with necklace because it wasn’t in his nature to do romantic gestures and caring about giving his women gifts. And even if you don’t trust these women because they don’t like you much, look at how this man is truly behaving towards you (if you ignore his behaviour towards Ayşe because yes we know you are a special snowflake).

Ignoring stuff such as period-appropriate behaviour (Murad laughing at Farya wanting to command an Ottoman army, I guess even less misogynistic men would laugh her off), he calls her his prisoner even before the pig incident, and afterwards…. 1) he hits her without even asking her why she put a freakin’ pig in; 2) keeps her wounded and bleeding in cell while making his decision, at the same time being all emo about how poor HE is because he loves this woman and she hurt HIM so; 3) when he (graciously, please everyone clap) decides to spare her, he doesn’t just let her go, he makes a show in which he scares her and “shows her her rightful place” aka on her knees before him; 3) continues to be offended and passive aggressive towards her afterwards; 4) gives her throne away behind her back without even asking her if she wants to stay with him; 5) rides after her, tells her “you slept with me, so you are my woman & you belong in my harem” & takes her on his horse forcefully (it doesn’t matter if she secretly wanted it inside); 6) didn’t explain why he gave her family’s throne to someone else even after he took her back to the palace, Atike had to do it; 7) yes, kept her without any status and intention to change it hidden in another palace, without any participation in his daily life and only visiting her when it suited him, not even sticking to any promises to come if he decided so, only the terrible incident with Farya’s miscarriage made him marry her and seeing how his “great luv” began to die after it, one does question whether it was out of love or him simply wanting to show everyone (both his mother and subjects) that he could do as he pleased, even against any rules; 6) he actually never promised her he would marry her and not have other women, it was only Farya always saying this – conversely, in MY Suleiman DID actually promise this to Hürrem and then did not keep it [doesn’t make Murad less of a dick, but shows how delusional Farya might be because he never actually said so himself or agreed to it].

And I said in one of my previous posts how Hürrem (and any harem women) weren’t homewreckers because it was indeed their only chance to have a family & love, but damn Floprya is a homewrecker because she truly didn’t have to stay with Mu/rat – she had her family, her throne, friends to come back to… please you knew what mess you created by coming there, and you had all the signs how violent this guy was and about his attitude to women… you could truly do a lot better, honey.

Murad never saw her as a consort of importance either. He never asked for her opinion on anything (he’d sooner even ask his mother) and when she got an accidental chance to say something (pleading with him not to execute a poor guy who forgot his lamp to bring his dad dinner, nota bene an incident described by Ottoman historian Mustafa Naima, just without Farya in the picture obviously), he completely ignored her and looked pissed she even dared to do so. It was frankly the only instance Floprya tried to talk Mu/rat out of something bad – even when he executed people who simply had been on the market during the attack on her (and even completely unrelated ones as later turned out), even though Kosem had already punished the actual attackers, our “kind-hearted” Floprya did nothing…. I’m not surprised he didn’t consult her before because he never does & well… talking sense to him never works because Kösem tried to reason with him it’s wrong, even for him because it provides people who want to go between him and ordinary people with great opportunity… and he didn’t give a fuck as always, but Farya never said anything, even following this? It was a matter closely connected with her and we never even see them talking about this or Floprya’s reaction to it? I can’t believe she didn’t hear about this… she likely just didn’t care.

Kösem also told her that marrying a sultan is not enough, and (since we know she couldn’t have kids) she should at least drag her ass and do something useful, like take care of people? Well, it was the only time we saw Floprya doing charity.

 Following the wedding, Mu/rat began to gradually lose interest in Farya, including going after Sanavber after he saw her with dagger pointed at him because it seems he has a dagger-fetish & now Floprya  even stopped wielding his favourite toy to have his attention… And again never forget Atike’s “Murad finally met a woman worthy of him, she can wield a sword like A MAN!” (STFU ALREADY ATIKE).

Speaking of Atike… Floprya encouraging Atike to pursue Silahtar even if it’s clear from Atike’s words he isn’t responsive to her, bah, even after it’s known he loves someone else… how stupid you can be to encourage Atike to get the guy who loves someone else and keep telling her again how special & daring she is, so go on and take what you want? Or Floprya threatening Silahtar to expose it was Gevherhan because he called her out on threatening Ayse at night with knife (yes, Ayşe was guilty, but there was no evidence at that point & it was not for her to go and punish somebody without evidence like that). He was just doing his job.

Farya later begins to openly mention her frustrations and how she’s now sidelined because she cannot have children… which of course makes her more the bitter and angry at Ayşe & striving towards revenge so bad – she  isn’t satisfied that Ayşe got exposed and would be punished, she wants her DEAD & would not accept any other option (never mind that poor, innocent children would be orphaned in such a case).

Even after  the matter is revealed and she does regret what she did, she’s as defensive as ever and tries to put all blame on depressed, abused woman aka Ayşe… she sees no fault of Mura/t’s there.

Still, she didn’t deserve execution for that, especially from hands of person who was chiefly responsible for the tragedy aka her husband… and her being pregnant saving her was meaningful.

Yet she continues to be ignorant about Ottoman system – now that Mura/t continues to pay her little attention even though she gave birth to two sons and instead spends time on drinking parties with Yusuf & other male buddies, she wants to be Valide and supports changing succession law back to the one involving fratricide… Okay, she doesn’t care about Murad’s brothers, but her own sons? Mu/rat being all “I don’t give a fuck” to Kösem pointing out one of his sons will kill the other is… well, him being himself, but Floprya should get worried about implications for her sons, right?

The scene with Sinan is SO indicative of Farya later on – she sits on balcony frustrated because she sits at palace all alone with her sons, while her hubby spends time on one of his parties & watching some (sexy!) dancer after promising her he would be now focused on his family (and even in that scene she still looked so scared of him), Sinan comes, calls her future "Valide Sultan”, she smirks, brightens up & already feels relevant and in better mood, so immediately does what he wants her to do and sends message to Mura/t about Kösem holding meeting with statesmen and ulema about changes in succession law.

Yet another win for Sinan!😂

Farya and Mu*rya stans claiming she was sooo "good-hearted” and they were equals.. were we watching the same show, eh? He didn’t treat her as her “equal” or whatever, even in “their best days”. The relationship was a disaster WAY before he tried to kill her.

I really never hated MY/K ship as much as I hated Mu*ya, a total disaster that really had nothing appealing to me – it was straight-up abusive plus it wasn’t even interesting. I swear even Mihrimah and Rüstem, while thouroughly dysfunctional, were more interesting to watch as a totally fucked up, toxic couple ugh.

- Joanna

Tagging @onlythelonelysurvive because it might be of interest to you and maybe take your mind off your worries :)

[misssophiachase]

Time After Time

@joyholmesblog AH where Caroline and Klaus are best friends. And Caroline finds Tyler cheating on her. She goes to Klaus and they drink and confess their feelings for each other. How about that??

Thank you, luv. It’s a little bit different but I hope you like it : )

“Who’s there?” Caroline hissed, looking around anxiously. It was dark, the sun had gone down a few hours ago and she was all alone on the football field, or so she thought. 

“You’re in big trouble, young lady. Saturday detention for you.” She’d know that accent anywhere and wasn’t altogether upset that if someone had to catch her it was him.

“Took your time, Mikaelson,” she drawled, putting down the shovel and turning to face him. 

“My plan was to get here late so you did all the manual labour,” he teased. “And looks like I was right. I’m loving the all black ensemble, very cat burglar-esque.”

“Please tell me you at least brought the tequila?” She asked, ignoring his comment. He produced the bottle from behind his back triumphantly, she grabbed it greedily, opened the top and took a long sip of the amber liquid. “Well, now that you’re finally here make yourself useful,”  

“Still bossy as ever, I see,” he noted, picking up the shovel and resuming her digging. 

“Still think you’re funny but not,” she shot back. 

“Hey, you told me once that my sarcasm was attractive.” 

“We’d just lost the cheerleading championship to Jefferson, stolen their mascot because it seemed like such a great idea at the time, oh and I was incredibly drunk,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I also told Tyler Lockwood that I loved him that night and look how well that ended.”

“I heard about the divorce,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, love.”

“Of course you heard, word travels fast when your friend is married to your younger brother. And I’m not sorry,” she muttered. “Tyler is free to have sex with all of the women he wants now while I enjoy the huge settlement Katherine won me in our court battle. Not that I needed it, of course, but a little bit of revenge is sweet. ”

“Congrats on being away from that pratt and on being rich I suppose?” He scratched his head, obviously not sure how to respond to her comment. “You know, I always thought Katherine was going to be a WFC champion but I suppose law is another, less violent way to fight.”

“Don’t worry she works out all her stress at her weekly fight club,” she teased. 

“I thought the first rule of fight club...”

“Is not to talk about it?” She finished. “Yeah me too. So enough talking, more digging, Mikaelson. How is that girlfriend of yours, Hayley is it?” 

“She wasn’t a girlfriend she was just a big mistake.”

“Well, we can commiserate together,” she smiled, passing him the bottle so he could take a sip. 

“I’m surprised you came actually.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked, sitting on the ground and helping herself to more tequila after he’d finished. 

“You say and do things when you’re drunk and are finishing high school but it doesn’t always mean that you go back and revisit them.”

“Well, I just got divorced and I haven’t seen you for ten years since when we planted this thing. I figured a little tequila,” she gestured to the bottle, “and some nostalgia wouldn’t hurt.”

“You missed me, didn’t you Forbes?” The blush that crossed her face was telling. They’d been accepted to colleges on different coasts so keeping in touch had been difficult until one day the friendship evaporated.

“How did you guess?” She asked her voice laced with sarcasm. “No, I just really want to know what you put in the capsule. I bet it’s something about your crush on Ms Fitzgerald. I’ve never known anyone so excited for math class.”

“She was one stunning math teacher,” he conceded. “Anyway, like you can talk, remember Mr Hamilton the tennis coach?”

“He was hot.”

“So hot that you, Katherine and Bonnie took up tennis specially I recall.”

“Hey, I like tennis,” she replied defensively. 

“Oh, so when was the last time you played, Serena Williams?” 

“So, are we there yet?” She asked, avoiding his question on purpose. He finished the rest of the digging and bent down to pull out the tin box they planted all those years ago. 

“If yours is about John Mayer I will never let you live it down, Forbes.” She rolled her eyes as he sat next to her and drank more tequila. “I’m going to need alcohol to deal with this.”

“We open them on three, okay?” Caroline said, pulling out her paper and handing him his. “One, two three.”   

If it was quiet before in the middle of the football field, it was deathly quiet now. Caroline bit her lip, reading through her neat cursive, while Klaus anxiously skimmed his eyes over his print. 

“How about you go first?” Caroline suggested. 

“No, by all means, ladies first,” Klaus replied, not meeting her gaze. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind some more tequila.”

“Great idea,” she agreed, taking a long swig after he did. 

“Maybe  we should put them back in the ground and come back in another ten years? I’ll bring more tequila next time.”

“I have a confession to make,” she murmured. “I kind of knew what was in mine before we got here.”

“Why? Did you sneak a look beforehand?”

“No, I remembered, dumbass,” she shot back. “It was only a decade ago and I guess I thought if I was the only one here...”

“You could hide the evidence?”

“How did you know?” She asked.

“I did the same thing,” he admitted. “I know exactly what I wrote and why I wrote it but now it’s a tad embarrassing.”

“How about we swap them?” They held each other’s gaze, silently agreeing to it. They felt their fingertips grazing each other, their eyes still firmly on each other. 

As they opened them and read there was an extended silence. Each holding their breath, not quite expecting what the other had written. What they wanted. Who they wanted. 

“You loved me all that time?” She squeaked, struggling to speak properly. 

“Seems like you did too, love,” he murmured. “Wow, were we delusional about our feelings or what?”

“I didn’t think you liked me like that, you could have dated anyone during school.”

“I only wanted you, did you notice how I rarely stayed with anyone longer than a couple of dates? If anything I thought I had no shot after Tyler and you...”

“Well, history has shown us that it was one of the most monumentally bad decisions I’ve ever made. If only...” 

“Do you think that maybe we could...” he trailed off. 

“We’ve wasted so much time, Klaus,” she smiled, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t want to waste anymore.”

He grinned pulling her closer and placing a kiss on her lips. It didn’t take long for it to escalate, his tongue finding her warmth as Caroline groaned against his lips. 

“Hold on, should we be doing this here?”  She asked, pulling away quickly. 

“Oh come on, having sex on the football field was on your bucket list I seem to recall, Forbes.”

“You may be right,” she chuckled, pulling him closer. “Let’s do this. It’s only taken us ten years.”

[darealpatyu]

The Kingmaker Review: A Story of How One Family Screws the Philippines

Without a doubt, The Kingmaker is one of the best documentary films that I’ve seen in a while. I don’t know if that’s because it’s about a social issue that continues to haunt the Filipino people, or because the Marcoses are such a rare display of narcissism and greed that you can’t help but be astounded by the sheer incredulity of it all. The Marcoses are like the Filipino Kardashians, and it was both a treat and a pain to watch the whole circus of their lives unfold.

Could a Filipino filmmaker have made a documentary like this?

I would say that a Filipino couldn’t have created a documentary with this level of bluntness and sarcasm. Filipinos are more than capable of being sarcastic and artistic at the same time, but as a citizen living in this country, you can’t release a film as critical of current politicians as The Kingmaker was and not suffer consequences. You’d probably wake up dead if you did. Also, I think that the Marcoses wouldn’t have allowed a Filipino team to interview them and ask them about their regime because they already know that they have a band of haters in the country, and only haters want to find out more about that period in life. The Marcoses don’t openly acknowledge the haters, so I highly doubt they would’ve agreed to a personal interview like that. A foreigner conducting the interview, on the other hand, is a different story. The Marcoses love attention. If there’s anything they love more than money, it’s international acclaim. Interestingly enough, studies show that a telling sign of psychopathic tendency is their propensity to crave attention. I’m not directly saying that the Marcoses are psychopaths, but I’m sure you can piece two and two together. Anyways, Lauren Greenfield is an internationally recognized filmmaker, so you can imagine Imelda’s excitement when she found that she was to be her next subject. In the film, one of Imelda’s first lines is literally, “I miss the clout of being the first lady.” She misses the clout, everyone! Who even says that? Getting back to the point, I’m certain that the Marcoses and other prominent people agreed to be interviewed because they thought that they would be having a beautiful historical film about them – which is exactly what they got, in all fairness. Not only was this interview done for the clout, but it was probably also done because they knew that this documentary wouldn’t harm them in any way. They’ve already successfully revised history in the Philippines – they have a steadfast Marcos loyalist base that is only getting bigger. They literally have nothing to lose by taking part in this documentary. Think like Imelda – “I lose nothing, AND become relevant in the international sphere once again; I’ve gotta do it!!”

How were Imelda Marcos’ answers as the film progressed?

As the film progressed, Imelda was trying to portray herself as the victim of everything that had happened. She was trying to turn the experiences of all those innocent people who had suffered into her experience of suffering. I really lost my cool when she talked about how she was the mother of the Philippines and how she had been wrongly stripped away from her child. She would constantly try to victimize herself, probably because she realized that the interviewer’s questions were meant to attack her character, and not to give her the positive clout that she was expecting. When Imelda’s words of care for the country is contrasted with the reality of what happened in Calauit Island, it’s clear that she’s delusional. The historical information presented in the film was meant to be an antithesis to every word that came out of Imelda’s mouth because that’s the best way to expose a liar. You hear her saying she brought the beauty of exotic animals to the Filipino people, and then you see that she displaced over 200 families. You hear her feeling sad about the impoverished state of the country, and then you see her boasting extremely expensive paintings and giving out thousand-peso bills from plundered wealth. You hear her pride about the peace that Martial Law brought, and then you see the blatant disregard for human rights that occurred as accounted for by the Martial Law victims themselves. This presentation of historical truths, presented side-by-side with the proud lies of Imelda, was flawlessly executed. I could clearly deduce how far from the truth Imelda’s words were, and I’m certain that everyone who watched it experienced the same.

Thoughts on Sandro Marcos?

Talking about Sandro Marcos and his future role in Philippine politics, I do think that he has intentions to have a career in politics. I saw this 2017 article writing that Sandro had earned a Master’s degree in Development Studies from the London School of Economics. Given that his family has a solid reputation for lying about their academic credentials, I don’t think it would come as a surprise if he were lying too. Because the Marcoses heavily publicize Sandro’s achievements, I really think that they’re planning to make him continue the Marcos legacy of screwing our country as well. In the film, there was this part where in front of a crowd, Bongbong was telling Sandro that he’s ready to become a politician already – even though Sandro was only 21 years old at the time. This kind of mental conditioning – that you’re entitled to a successful political career even though you’ve achieved absolutely nothing and don’t have the passion for service – is the kind of conditioning that creates dictators at worst, and at best, corrupt political dynasties. When you have parents that constantly push you into thinking that your destiny is to dominate Philippine politics, you end up thinking that you’re entitled to it – willing to do anything to get what you want to make your parents and yourself proud. As a young adult, your entire self-worth becomes grounded on whether you become a successful politician or not. I assume Sandro’s conditioning to become a politician is the type of parenting that Bongbong was raised with, and look at how great he turned out, right?

My Three Takeaways on Leadership and Diplomatic Relations

The three takeaways about leadership and diplomatic relations that I got from the film are: 1) you need to be open to honest feedback to be a good leader, 2) just because you personally think a certain plan of action is going to be good for the group doesn’t mean that it’s good for the group, and 3) be critical of yourself and listen to your own words before and after speaking. My first learning was inspired by Imelda Marcos and her inability to acknowledge her haters. She seems like the kind of woman who listens to no one but herself. She hasn’t had any character development after all these years, and in the film, when she showed the picture frame of her acquittal from thousands of crimes, she had the audacity to say “the truth always wins” or something to that effect. She’s not open to feedback at all. My second learning was inspired by when Imelda brought all those animals to Calauit Island. She thought it would bring beauty to the Philippines when it actually had the opposite effect. My third takeaway is inspired by the fact that Imelda thinks she solved the Cold War. Leaders really need to listen to their own words and analyze their statements to understand if what they’re saying is factual and makes sense. If I were to compound all my takeaways into one unified idea, my one great learning would be: A great leader does not do anything that a Marcos would do.

What historical facts did I uncover through the film?

During the film, there were a lot of significant historical facts that I didn’t know about; these facts should really be taught in school. The historical facts that I was not aware of were: 1) exotic animals were brought to Calauit Island, 2) Ferdinand Marcos had affairs with other women, and 3) the reason why Imelda was the chosen diplomat was that the Marcoses were anticipating a coup d’etat. Also, I don’t know if this historical fact is verified but it shocked me when Imelda said that she checked into a psychiatric hospital before her husband became president. Is that true? I’m sure you can understand why I’m a bit wary of Imelda’s stories.

The Big Conclusion

To conclude this lengthy blog entry, I think that the greatest lesson to be learned from this film is that leaders are here to serve us, and not the other way around. They are not gods – they are fallible and must be held accountable for their mistakes. If we fear our leaders, follow them blindly, and make excuses for their incompetence, we encourage a culture of fascism, fanaticism, and corruption. Sadly, a parallel reality of the Marcos regime is happening today. If a dictator will not take advantage of the current political climate now, one will eventually find a way soon. That’s why this film should be making waves and reaching the masses. If only more of us knew about what is happening in the political landscape, we’d take the problematic status quo seriously. This documentary deserves to be acknowledged as educational material for the sole reason that history is being rewritten as we speak, and it is the duty of those who know the truth to let everybody know as well. There are so many material facts that remain unknown and hidden from the public, and it’s ridiculous that people don’t know about them. People need to know because we might just make the same mistake again, and that’s sad.

In conclusion, MARCOS IS NOT A HERO. THE FACT THAT THERE’S A MARCOS LOYALIST BASE IMPARTS A SENSE OF URGENCY TO THOSE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH. HISTORY MIGHT REPEAT ITSELF.

We really don’t want to see what happens if it does. #NeverAgain

[onisiondrama]

PART 5 - videos #9 & #10

and more...

- He announces this is the intense part, the controversial part. There was an NDA signed, but apparently it doesn’t matter because it seems the other person didn’t mean it. He has to go into the beyond to tell the full story now. It’s not fair for only one person to be able to speak. - He thought it was unfair how many times Sarah was rejected. After she kissed Kai, she immediately went downstairs and hugged Greg. He was indifferent, he didn't feel attraction to her. He was more interested in the idea of Sarah filling a giant hole in Kai’s life. “Couldn’t they just be friends?” That’s a good point, but that’s not what Sarah wanted. He was on a circular chair (he mentions they got rid of it later) and she laid while hugging him. - He thought Kai and Sarah’s drama was beneath him, he thought it was stupid. If you want to kiss somebody, you just kiss somebody. You don’t make a big deal out of it. - Kai and Sarah had a text conversation where Kai said Sarah could possibly in a relationship with them. It fell apart, then got back together. - He suggested getting an NDA so if they ever have a falling out they won’t trash each other. He didn’t want to hate Sarah or have beef with her. Sarah said she’d sign, but only if she gets what she wants. They were all clothed in bed when she said that. They just all finished WWE wrestling. The goal was to have Sarah and Kai beat him, but they couldn’t. They sucked. Sarah was strong, but not good enough. -  He says people think he’s 5′ 7″, but he’s 5′ 11″. - Everyone knew Sarah meant sex when she said "what she wanted.” At that point he’s sure she and Kai had kissed again. They believed in Sarah and thought she was kind and compassionate. She said she was a second mom to toddlers that exist in their life. They thought she could be a contribution and awesome. - They didn’t consider her an option at all. The last Christmas, Greg made a joke about dating someone her age and she got mad at him.  - A few months before the NDA Sarah joked and said “you know if I wanted to I could destroy your lives.” He didn’t take it seriously because he thought it was just a joke. This was before she turned 18. This is one of the reasons why he wanted the NDA. He doesn’t know what she would say about them besides “dat booty tho”, but he didn’t want her to talk about that either.  - Once she said what she said about the NDA, he and Kai felt pressured because he remembered the booty comment and he slept with her and she performed oral on Kai. He says Kai wasn’t 100% on board. Greg was more on board. He 100% slept with Sarah in January 2019. After that everything seemed fine. They did stuff the next day. Then Sarah left. He doesn’t remember why, but she was planning on coming back but there were jealousy issues.  - Kai decided he wanted to go back to being friends with Sarah. It’s hard for Greg to admit, but he ignored the signs that Kai didn’t want to date Sarah. It’s really bad for him to admit that, but it’s important to be honest with yourself. - He was ok with sleeping with Sarah at 18 1/2. If you could die for your country you could sleep with someone. - Kai verbally told him after the fact that he only wants a relationship with Greg. There’s a lot of guilt on himself and Sarah for what they did to Kai. - Greg wrote Kai a horrible text saying he was a horrible person and he took Sarah’s virginity. That’s not true, Kai only ever kissed Sarah back. Kai didn’t want it. - It seems Kai doesn’t want to talk about it because he went through something traumatic and horrible. That borderline makes himself and Sarah evil people.That sucks for Kai [here comes the sniffles]. - He accused Sarah of things, but they haven’t taken legal action because it’s a messy topic. To see Kai dragged though the mud is like beating an obvious victim down until they don’t want to live. It’s horrifying for him. - Kai didn’t want Greg to talk so he could keep his privacy and have his own life. - Sarah knows what she did and he knows what she did and he knows his part in that.

a lot

- There was a text circulating where he blamed everything on Kai. He said Kai was horrible for how Kai treated Sarah. That was one of the most delusional things he’s ever texted someone. He was mad at Kai for rejecting Sarah when Sarah was trying so hard. He hurt for Sarah and saw her as someone whose feelings were disregarded. He saw her as a damsel in distress and he has a hero complex. With Billie he almost always took her side, same with Sarah. He wanted to save Sarah from her sadness. - [He talks about a crime that was committed against Sarah when she was in her home state. I’m not going to type up any details about that.] Sarah hasn’t tried to press charges and instead focuses on demonizing other people. That’s confusing because someone actually committed a crime against her and we (the audience) don’t even know about it. I guess real crimes don’t matter. He says it’s odd she didn’t report it because she’s reported someone in the past and they got in trouble. - Kai gave Sarah a chance because he wanted to make Greg happy. Kai only genuinely wanted to be with Billie. - There was a 22 year old who Kai rejected and she didn’t handle it well. She went to college in Canada. Greg didn’t do anything to her and wasn’t intimate with her. It was weird when she was upset she was rejected and left. Kai is obsessed with the idea of the perfect women and that’s Billie, but Kai thinks Billie never loved him. That might be how Sarah felt about Kai. - Sarah and Greg were rude to each other and they would trash talk each other when they played video games. It was a friend thing. - Greg proposed he would date Sarah and Kai cound join when he was comfortable. He didn’t propose this until he and Sarah were both trying to get with Kai again. They would really try to get Kai to be ok with it and they would come up with ideas and Kai would be like “nope.” Sarah would talk to Greg about how to on Kai’s good side and how to get Kai to like her. They would strategize on how to get Kai to like Sarah. Eventually they got to a point where he would kiss Kai then pull Sarah over and kiss Sarah too. Kai was caught off guard. He would make love to Kai and Sarah would be intimate too. Sarah figured it out before him that it wouldn’t work with Kai. After they slept together for the last time it felt weird after. He and Sarah were ok but Kai was weird. That’s when he proposed the dating Sarah thing and Kai agreed to a week. Kai thought if Sarah was really his friend she would never agree to this. It looked like Sarah was trying to steal Greg away. - One time he texted Sarah asked when she was going to visit and she asked why doesn’t he visit her. He thought that was crazy. Why would I visit you if you’re supposed to be with me and Kai. He can’t date people separately and split his life. Need to be a perfect trinity. The relationship was an abomination. Kai knew, but he was drunk on his re-invention of Billie and thought he could make it work. - Eventually Sarah was rejected so much she was pushing just for Greg. When Sarah visited and Kai left, they agreed Sarah and Greg couldn’t have “junk to junk” sex, but Kai didn’t say anything about the back end. Greg says this sounds crazy, but sometimes the truth sounds crazy. He said he wouldn’t go inside anybody when Kai was away, no kissing, and no oral. He proposed junk to rear to Sarah and she was immediately down. - [He goes into detail about the crime Sarah went through. Not typing that up.] He says you have to include these things so we understand everything. - The first time they did it was in the shower. She complained she couldn’t go to the bathroom correctly. He apologized, but this was their only option because they made an agreement. You don’t realize how dysfunctional it is in the moment. He says Sarah was loud, like an animal losing their mind, which tells him she was holding back with Kai. - They were passionate for two days, but it fell apart when she said something that implied she wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with Kai. He wanted them to all come together. He says there was good intentions, but it wound up being ugly. He abandoned ship and she had 4 more days there. - There are two reasons why we wanted to break up with her. The first was when they saw the live action Aladdin together, she kept trying to make out with him but he didn’t want to. After the movie, she guilt tripping him for not making out with her and that turned him off because he wasn’t supposed to be her solo boyfriend. They needed to think about Kai and make thing work with Kai. The other reason was when his fist was blocking their junk from touching so junk couldn’t go in. The tip was still there and she told him to go in, like impregnate. That really bothered him. He said that’s crazy because she didn’t consider Kai. He says Aladdin the live action was a good movie. [what the fuck am I listening to] - Sarah tried to out Kai for smoking marijuana, but Kai didn’t smoke. Kai was in the other room. She tried to split up their marriage. - She tried to say the second day she was there and they weren’t together that he was only interested in her psychically. He told her why would he break up with her early on in her trip if that was true. - He says they always kissed out of sync. He and Kai always kiss in sync. Greg and Sarah weren’t meant to be together on a genetic level. - He told Sarah she raped them. She asked how and he said because she said she wouldn’t sign the NDA without sleeping with them. She said sorry for raping you and walked off. She came back later.