#just because what happened to be ties into other aspects of life blah blah blah

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to people with trauma that is uncommon.

Shoutout to people with trauma that little people have experienced.

Shoutout to people who have had trauma from multiple sources, making their experience unique.

Shoutout to people with trauma who struggle to find anyone who went through what they went through.

[universalcataclysm]

Once Upon A Time.

With - Ty Lodgston. (@nxclearwinterxx​​) Where - The Myer’s Yacht; Murphy’s Fairytale Fling Party. When - Seven months before the end. 

The evening air was balmy enough that Iza was almost regretting his choice in costume, especially now that he had a few drinks in him; Well. Drinks amongst other substances. There was the coke. And that delivery guy he’d swallowed down in the bathroom half an hour ago, the douchebag who had ruined his makeup and hadn’t even returned the favor. Honestly, Iza should have shoved him overboard.

But it was fine. The night was young and so was he. He’d fixed his makeup and it looked better the second time around than it had the first, and his outfit, despite being warmer than the short shorts and tank/polo/crop- top combo he usually defaulted to during the hotter months, was to die for. A silky baby blue swavorski studded number that even Iza’d had to question if it verged on being too gaudy, thigh- high silver boots, a lacy white capelet that perfectly matched the lacy underbust corset around his waist and his white bowtie and mask, because of course he had to play up the mystery aspect of his chosen fairytale. And then there was the ribbon, also baby blue silk and tied in a bow around his pristine blonde bun, a tiny glass slipper charm pinned right in the middle of the bow.

Over the top? Maybe. But that was just who he was, and he wouldn’t feel shame over it. Besides, yeah, he looked good.

And he was feeling good as his dearest friend’s party started coming to life. First came the earlybirds, those they knew well enough to feel comfortable to swing in for a little pregaming; a few people who Iza hated, most who he was neutral towards, one or two he sort of liked. His phone buzzed in his pocket. A text from his boyfriend, an apology for how he wouldn’t be making it tonight; Iza sent a series of sad emojis and rolled his eyes. Fucker was always complaining about pre- med homework, blah blah. Boring. Iza wasn’t sure why he hadn’t broken up with him yet, but he secretly kind of liked the stupid couple stuff. Luckily for them both, because that was about all there was between them these days, and even that was scarce. 

Whatever. Just meant there was one less complication in his plan to get railed tonight. 

His phone was turned off after that, and from then on the party steadily grew wilder and wilder. He was a little nervous being in too close of quarters with the drunk assholes, even though he was an asshole who definitely couldn’t be called sober, because this delicate outfit was too nice to ruin yet. So instead of squirming his way to the center of the dancing crowd, as he might have at any other party, he flitted to and fro, downing shots at what would have been an alarming rate if his tolerance hadn’t been so high and chatting up familiar faces and gathering up as much juicy gossip as he could. Wise to do that from time to time, collect useful knowledge, bolster a few fake friendships. He was in a good mood, thriving off of the company, the blissfully exciting vibe that accompanied a booming party, and the spirits.

And then he was catching sight of the most beautiful face he’d ever laid eyes on and choking vodka up his nose in the least graceful manner he’d ever displayed. 

It took him a moment to recover from that, coughing and swiping at his nose and watering eyes and trying to tame his wildly beating heart, but eventually he regained something resembling composure and waved off the hands patting his back and the people questioning whether he was okay, if he needed some water, if he needed Murphy. He didn’t need water, didn’t need to disturb Murphy, and he was- well. Something else. 

The man had only just boarded the yacht, and there was a girl with him. Girlfriend? Iza felt a reflexive swell of loathing, but she disappeared pretty quickly and that was either a good sign or a terrible one. Either they weren’t a couple, or they were an unhappy or distant one that would be easy enough for Iza to sink his claws into the handsome Prince- literally, he was Prince Charming, the prettiest one at this party- or they were a couple so established and trusting in each other that they didn’t feel the need to stay attached at the hip.

It wasn’t impossible to seduce someone in a relationship like that, but it was a little more work than Iza’d intended on putting in tonight.

This guy, though- Iza wanted him.

It was weird, though. Oftentimes when he set his sights on a man it was with the intent of getting him into the nearest semi- private area- if that- and trading orgasms as quick as possible before moving on to the next, and shit, sure he wanted that with this guy too, but... just... weird. He was struggling to get past how much he wanted to go over and introduce himself. Get a closer look at the man. Or just stay here and admire him and internally gush from afar. 

Then, Iza could have sworn that the man looked right at him, eye contact from across the deck of this overloaded yacht, and something in his chest rose up and overflowed- seconds passed, and then he blinked, and it was over, leaving him to wonder if it had ever even happened at all. Between his fuzzy thoughts, jelly knees, dizzy head and racing heart, Iza had to wonder if someone had snuck something into his drink again- but he decided this didn’t feel like last time. It was a different kind of scary.

He chugged down half his drink because his mouth had gone terribly dry and decided, nope, legs weren’t working anytime soon, but hey, at least he had a good view. Maybe it was creepy to just fucking stare at someone, but it was a big party, lots of people. He could have been looking at anyone and anything. He was just hanging out. Relaxing. Nursing his drink. It was fine. It was the finest night of his entire life. Definitely.

And then that eye contact thing that he maybe but surely couldn’t be imagining happened again, and luckily he wasn’t trying to take a drink that time, but god, that swoopy feeling in his stomach sure returned with a vengeance. What the fuck, honestly? Where the fuck was Murphy? He’d have an explanation for this. His explanation would probably be something along the lines of you need to get dicked down, and as always, he would be right.

Iza drew in a deep breath and counted down from a hundred, calming his stupid ass down and attempting to return his heartrate to normal. Maybe he’d just had too much cocaine. Maybe that was to blame for this. There had to be some sort of logical explanation- the dicking down, he reminded himself. Dick. Solved all problems, didn’t it? 

It dawned on him then that this was the longest he’d refrained approaching a target in- well, ever, probably. This was fucking unprecedented, and now that he’d come to that realization, well, he certainly couldn’t stand for it.

Of course that eye- contact- that- nearly- killed- him thing would happen again right then, and Iza all but whined, deflating against the railing and resolving himself to marching over there as soon as he was sure he could trust his legs. This was ridiculous. He was going to dance with that man and prove to them both that the Prince had absolutely no magic powers over him, and- and horrorstruck, Iza realized that the very thought of a simple dance with the man had him blushing. And not a cute, faint little blush either, it was a full- faced, red heated mess, he could feel it. 

Briefly, he considered throwing himself overboard before he bit the bullet and slipped through the crowd. He wasn’t sure what the fuck was wrong here, he only knew he had to fix it immediately, whatever it took.

It was easy enough to sneak through the maze of bodies until he was behind the Prince, but it took him a few moments to boost up his courage enough to speak, and that was another thing on an ever- growing list of shit he wasn’t used to. He took a sip of his bubbly drink for courage and then fixed a coy grin on his face, leaving the flute lifted near his lips as if pretending to hide and wrapping his free arm around his waist, a totally casual picture. Not at all the fluttery gay disaster he’d been turned in to inside. “I’m fairly certain this is the part where you’re meant to ask me to dance,” Iza told him, trying valiantly to steel himself for when this man turned around and Iza was met head- on with the full force of what Iza knew would be devastating beauty. “It is how the story goes, you know?” 

[thehereticaldeserthermit]

𝕆𝕦𝕥 𝕆𝕗 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣 ℚ𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

ROLE PLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Alright TDC Community It’s time for a task, 

and this time we’re all going to get to know each other a little better. 

Under the cut, you’ll find forty out of character questions split into two parts: OOC about your muses, and OOC about yourself! Answer what you’d like, add more if you’d like.

When you’re done TAG some of your writing partners and keep FUN going. 

-there is no pressure to participate

-IF You Are Reading This And You’d Like To Participate Consider Yourself Tagged My Friend! 

Much Love,

TheJesseWhoLurks

I tag @lyr-taxidermist  @theghostofharar  @hurdygurdyskeksis  @urskekyagvi  @skekmal-the-hunter  @skekso-the-emperor  @gourdplayer   @hedonistschambers  @ulvanmaudra  @littlebluezoologist @the-wandering-urru  @queenofthetides  @juliejewel24 @thecastleurru

OOC About  Your Character(s)

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

The reason I wanted to write for Gra was to meet fellow fans that loved the world of TDC as much as I do, I wanted to find fellow writers. I wanted to steep myself in the fandom. You can easily consider me skeKSis obsessed but I am growing a fondness for their counterparts -slowly ❤

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Passionate | Erratic | Trustworthy

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Originally I was going to pick up The Ritual Master, he’d been my OG fav from the movie BUT Gra kept ... poking me with his scepter? Like; I live in the desert, you live in the desert, Ima recluse, you’re a recluse =we are simpatico. I think The Heretic picked me because he simply would not leave my mind when I considered him as a possibility. 

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Canon. I mean they left us kinda hanging there. We really do not know what happened do we? They are simply, just not there anymore. I do not want them to perish, I want them to make it to the finish line and become urSkek. It breaks my heart to think they did not make it.

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

I would not say anything, just hug him REALLY tightly and probably not let go until he gives me a chitter-laugh.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I would like to give them...ME. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I do not want to take a positive thing from the fibers that make up Gra. I feel they are very interwoven in his tale. Removing one would make another untether. If I could take away or diminish a bad trait Id have him not be so stubborn and or impatient but then again he would not be Gra now would he?  

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His determination, passion. Damn son. You get things done. 

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Yes. He’s gotten his ass handed to him, I think he might be owed a slice of peace and happiness.  What makes him most happy? He’s already showed me; his relationships whether its friendship, extended family or a lover those are treasures he holds near and dear to his heart.  

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

Usually I prefer to plot out angst rather then let it completely run a-muck because you never know what your partner is comfortable with, what might trigger them in a detrimental way and simply set fire to a plot unintentionally. 

I already know; it literally is ... break his heart. 

11. What do you love about your muse?

His dynamic energy, the wild fire, the mystical chaos, the creativity is off the charts. His sharp distinguished features, the way he looks shamanistically feral as compared to his brethren and their Garthic garb. His use of the color red. His scratchy rasp of a voice. His laugh. 

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He is a high maintenance muse, he is demanding and screeches loudly for what he wants. 

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that he is a skeKSis. This brings a whole slew of challenges to the table for a writer. Case in point, I was writing a reply one day and I went to put something in along the lines of ‘he arched his brow and blah blah’ THEN he hit me! He has no eyebrows to arch, ahhh! I have to stop and think about how to write out expressive traits or reactions that are not of the usual human reaction tone.

14. What about your muse makes you sad? 

How fragile his heart really is after all the shit he’s endeared. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

Get Ready For A Wild SURPRISE!

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Yes, I like creative souls. I cherish them. 

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I do not think I am or he is better than the other. 

But I will say he is a handsome devil, for a skeKSis. 

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Creative. Outcast. 

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

His passion and drive. I’d say its the same answer for us both. All of the accomplishments he tackled probably had their stacks of obstacles with each to-do. You’d have to have an unending supply of passion and drive to keep going, to complete all. He really is a work-a-holic and a busy body skek.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

Not yet but I am sure he will, creative liberties will be taken since I only have a a episode or two to work with -am I right? 

About You!

1.     What is your name? 

Jesse. 

2.     What is your profession?

secret shit. 

3.     What do you do to relax?

I write. Play video games. Naps are divine. Hot coffee and watch YT videos. DOodle. Desert combing walks. Long hot baths. Organize things xD

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

All kinds, I’m not picky. I love me some chocolate lately. 

5.     Favorite movie

Too many to list. Its October right now. All I want is Hocus Pocus, some Harry Potter and Practical Magick at the moment. Tis the season. 

6.     Favorite book

I do not think I have a favorite. BUT I will admit that I have a copy of The Dark Crystal that I STOLE FROM A LIBRARY YEARS AGO! I have kept it all this time, its falling apart and its aged with beauty and I adore it  ❤ I also have a Jim Henson book about puppetry and his works, there is a page from TDC and if my memory serves me right it has the concept art of skekGra in it sooo sooo I was looking at skekGra YEARS AGO AND HAD NO CLUE the conjunction that would line up in the future! I really neeed to go find this book but its in a storage shed that will be a fresh hell to get to =[ *

7.     Favorite vacation spot

Anywhere where its either very green and or by some body of water. Ocean, river, lake. Yes, good. -not very many humans around save for present company reading thiiiis. 

8.     Favorite Disney movie

Are you kidding me? Too many to list, although I will say The Sword In The Stone did play a part in Gra’s Crystal Skimmer named Archimedes after the grouchy old owl. 

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

Years ago. I started writing on face book. I wrote for a pirate believe it or not, he was my first muse and he holds special place in my black heart and probably always will. But I am disinclined to acquiesce the gift of further details about this scurvy cursed muse, Ha!

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was face book, before they got all crazy about accounts and security. I moved over to tumblr because writers were incredibly rude and rapid fire RP-ers. One liner sentences and I’m like NOPE I need a novel length. 

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Sometimes I have a touch of dyslexia, sometimes I typo, sometimes I am too tired to proof read, sometimes I make blunders. But I tend to focus on my mistakes rather then other peoples. I just go with the flow, I just write no matter what their level of ‘proper grammar’ IS because I’d like to think that maybe they are just starting out, maybe they will fall in love with writing and maybe they will be the next author who creates a world we all fall in love with and want to immerse ourselves in.  

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

I do not RP in other languages. However I did have a muse at one time who was French, I would throw in little phrases but it was never entirely done in French and I do have a British muse at the moment, so again I will use slang and little sayings to make them well rounded as best as I can. Those are just little details I like to include that many others might skip on but I thrive for deets. 

I do however have role play writing partners that are from ALL over the world which is amazing to me. 

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

ALOT. I have tracks specifically for skekGra, that take me to his frame of mind. Even TDC soundtrack at times, the puppet show song and the blue flame part 2 are on replay a lot. 

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

I am all over the place. My life is very hectic. I’d like to say its usually in the afternoon of evening for me, the house is settled down and things are silent but thats not always how it works out. Oftentimes I will sit down and write a reply or two, then dip to do mundane human things that adults do, then return back for a few more replies. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Kills it. The weekends I work long hours therefor my brain is like WHAAAT. 

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

It is always TIME. Sometimes stress levels can be an obstacle too, no lie. If something major is going on, I just throw my hands up like ‘I got nothin’’ and thats that.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

Oh damn. Been there done that. I am much more picky about it nowadays. I try to limit skekGra to a certain number of replies because he also has to allow room for other muses. 

Currently: Gra has ten replies on tumblr -no actually 11 &&& 4 on discord. I am two shakes away from cutting HIM OFF! lol. 

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

I’m open to different characters, I have written with a lot. I love a writer who has style, I appreciate the effort.  

Etiquette, manners and consideration are oftentimes LACKING as of late. 

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

ANYTHING as long as it is not anon HATE. 

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

T I M E not having enough time to write the angst fluff and dialogue, smut too lets be real. It really is a bummer to me when I  do not have the time, I work, I have a a lotta responsibilities, my life is like a hurricane a lot of the time so TIME is my weakness, oftentimes I am super J E L L O of people who are online all day, every day, always there I’m envious and I get writers FOMO which makes me laugh but its so damn true I could ugly laugh cry about it. 

[maidenof-thesea]

Snakes & Butterflies | Part VI

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Soulmate Au!, Fluff, Angst, Smut (Maybe, still debating)

Words: 2.9

Warning: minor swearing

Note: Part 6 is finally here!! I just finished last night, and I was debating in what direction I wanted to go with this story and I think I finally found a flow. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged so that you guys can be notified right away when I post. I would do a calendar but life is always hectic even when you try to stick to the schedule. Hope you enjoy and I hope you guys are having an amazing week so far. Lots of love <3

Reminder: * conversations in Korean *

The boys, minus Jungkook, who went out for a run, slept the day away while Rosa and I worked on cleaning the kitchen and living room. It was already well past noon, they must have been really jet lagged. In spite of that, Jin apparently had done a lot more than wash the dishes last night.

“Did you clean?” Rosa asked, her voice thick with confusion.

“No,” I said, shrugging. It wasn’t exactly a lie but I would have to talk to Jin later so that Rosa wouldn’t notice. “Um they should have some laundry if you want to get started on that?”

“No it won’t be enough for a full load,” She replied, rubbing her hair out of her face. “Should I help you set up for tonight?”

“No, that's okay,” I replied, handing her her jacket. “You can go home for today.”

“I feel like I didn’t do much..”

“That’s okay, Rosa,” I said smiling as I walked her to her car. “We have a whole two months to go.”

“Okay then,” she said as she got on to her car. “See you next time!”

I waved and as she pulled out, Jungkook was approaching the house in a slow jog. He waved at Rosa who waved back enthusiastically. She liked Jungkook a lot. And like my mother she referred to him as a bunny, much to his delight. I wait for him to come up to the porch and I hand him a water bottle from a pack we had stored near the front door since we were both too lazy to take it all the way into the house.

“Thanks Noona,” he said, opening the bottle and taking a chug of water. “So you know that cop that lives down the road?”

“Yea, Mr. Chang” I replied as I sat down on the patio chair. “Did you tell him about last night?”

“Yea,” he said as he sat next to me untying his shoes. “I figured since he’s also the head of the neighborhood watch, I should report it to him.”

“What did he say?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“The works,” Jungkook sighs. “‘We’ll keep an eye, but technically no laws were broken and we can’t prove they were stalking us blah blah,’”

“Don’t worry, Kookie,” I said pointing to the camera. “I won’t let any of those crazy beach girls touch you.”

“Noona,” Jungkook said with a slight blush but his tone was also stern. “This isn’t a joke, this is serious.”

“Kookie-”

“He’s right Y/N,” a voice said and as I turned around Taehyung was leaning against the front door. His hair was tied back into a man bun and his face looked freshly washed and dewy. I should ask for his skincare routine. “You could have a stalker.”

“Doubt it,” I said with a small smile. I spent my whole life hiding on the sidelines. I made sure to blend in so that no one noticed me. “I appreciate the concern but trust me no one would want to stalk me, I’m no one. Most likely it was not-”

“Why would you say that?” Taehyung interrupts with a hint of annoyance. “You’re precious to someone, you should value yourself more.”

“Hyung,” Jungkook interjected his tone pleading. “Let’s go eat some breakfast hmm?” He began to push Taehyung inside. He smiled sheepishly at me in apology and they both went in leaving me confused outside. 

You’re precious to someone 

No one has ever said that to me. It was another first. I didn’t know how it made me feel, but I couldn’t help the tears that began to burn in my eyes. I had been crying too much lately. Yuki then made her way outside almost as if she sensed my turmoil and she nudged her way into my lap. 

“I guess you find me precious right baby?” I said smiling, wiping my tears. I began to pet her and she immediately purred and stretched her legs. “That’s already two times someone has called me out on my bull huh?”

“What bull?” Yoongi said joining me on the porch, making me jump in surprise. Yuki then hissed and ran off. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you or your cat.”

“That’s okay,” I said, accepting a cup of coffee that he handed me. “Thank you.”

He sat down and started to drink his coffee. I sat looking down at the coffee, letting it warm up my hands and I couldn’t help but feel a bit touched. From what I can remember Jungkook telling me about him, Yoongi seemed a little rough around the edges but he really was a softball, especially around Hoseok.

“Where’s Hoseok?” I asked, bringing the cup to my lips.

“In the shower,” He replied. “You can call him Hobi, he likes that better, Hoseok feels too serious to him.”

“Oh okay,” I replied and once again it was silent. 

“What bull were you talking about?” He says with a hint of curiosity.

“Oh,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “Nothing really, just something I’m working out.”

“Oh,” he replied, almost dejected, which made me feel a bit bad. “Well you can always talk to me you know?”

“Oh,” I said once more, feeling a bit touched again. “I didn’t expect you guys to be so caring towards me..”

“Well,” Yoongi said smiling and ruffling my hair. “Must be because you’re cute.”

“Stop,” I pouted and he only laughed and pinched my cheek. Heat spread onto my cheeks and I sat still. For some reason he reminded me of my father, but from what I could remember my father hardly showed any affection towards me. “Yoongi…can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” He said, re positioning himself so that he faced me fully. “What’s up?”

“Before Hos- I mean Hobi-and you met..” I said not meeting his eyes. “Was there ever a time that you may have thought you would never meet? Or did you guys meet each other when you were young?”

“We met when we were young,” Yoongi replied with a small smile. “I struggled a lot with coming to terms with the fact that my soulmate was a man as well, you see my parents weren’t the most supportive in the beginning..”

“Oh,” I said nodding in understanding. A part of me can sympathize with him in that aspect. “How-”

“Did I overcome that?” Yoongi finished for me. “Hobi. He was always patient and he was always there for me even when I wouldn’t accept it at first. It was hard for him too.”

So his Soulmate helped him value himself more.

“Why do you ask?” Yoongi questioned and when I glanced at him, I had his full attention. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Not really,” I replied with a shrug. “Just trying to figure out how to value and love myself more.”

“Self-love is important,” He said nodding. “Self value, however, is more behavioral than emotional. You can ask Joon since he’s more philosophical than me but I know that much..”

“Hyung,” A deep raspy voice said from the porch causing both me and Yoongi to jump in surprise. Jimin stood at the door with the sweater I was wearing last night on. He regarded us with unreadable eyes. “Hobi-hyung is looking for you.”

Yoongi then patted my clasped hands and smiled at me and got up to leave. Jimin stood there for a bit staring at the spot next to me. He took one step and I bolted right up. I grabbed Jungkook’s forgotten shoes and made my way inside, leaving Jimin to stand there alone. For some reason, I felt a sense of shame creep up on me, as if I was caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing.

I placed Jungkook’s shoes in the shoe rack and made my way into the kitchen to wash my now empty cup. Once I was in the kitchen, Jin was already at the stove frying himself an egg and Jungkook and Taehyung were playing Xbox while Namjoon had AirPods on and was reading something on his phone. Yoongi and Hobi were nowhere to be seen, they must be upstairs.

“Oh,” Namjoon said, taking his AirPods off once he noticed me preparing to wash the dishes in the now full sink. “Hey so I had a question.”

“Shoot,” I said with a smile, rolling my sleeves up. From my peripheral I could see that Jimin had now entered the kitchen. 

“So I remember that we choose the option of tourism when booking our stay here, so does that mean we can go to museums and whatnot?”

“Of course,” I said, opening the dishwasher to start placing clean dishes to dry. “What did you have in mind? I was gonna wait till breakfast was over to ask if you guys were up for any-.”

“Excuse me,” Jimin said as he reached for a cup from the cabinet. The cabinet that happened to be on top of the sink. The sink where I was currently washing dishes. My mind went haywire while my body went completely still. Jimin’s chest was only pressed against my back for only a couple of seconds but it felt like eternity. His breath ruffled the top of my hair, his cologne made my mind go fuzzy. And almost in an instant he was pulling away, already opening the fridge. However I didn’t recover as fast as the encounter lasted.

“I know Jin-hyung wants to take pictures at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art but I was wondering if the Crocker Art Museum is worth the drive…” Namjoon rambled on not really noticing my state. 

“Yea,” I agreed with a slight shiver, turning off the faucet and drying off my hands. Once I turned around Jimin was appraising me with a slight smirk, and my breath got caught in my throat. “Nam-Namjoon, we could always go a different day, maybe plan an early drive-”

“Your car isn’t big enough though,” Namjoon said rubbing his head. 

“Namjoon, remember we said we would rent a SUV?” Jin interjected and Namjoon’s eyes widened and he nodded. “I believe Hobi already called the place the airport recommended, we just have to go sign the papers and what not.”

“Oh that saves a lot of time,” I said, rubbing my arms and avoiding Jimin’s eyes, that have yet to leave me. “Do you need me to drive you there Namjoon?”

“Hyung, doesn’t drive yet,” Jimin said. “I could go-”

“Wait!” Taehyung said running into the kitchen. “If Jimin’s going I want to go!”

“Where are we going Noona?” Jungkook asked following Taehyung, who slammed a surprised Jimin into a hug. 

“Um, I’m not going anywhere yet,” I said quickly walking past the sandwich that Jimin and Taehyung were starting to look like. Taehyung must have been a koala in the past life. “I’m gonna get ready, you can drive them there.”

                                      Jungkook

*

“Okay!” I said, smirking at Jimin, who seemed a bit annoyed. “What’s the matter hyung?”

Instead of answering, Jimin took a quick glance at y/n who was now being hugged excitedly by Hobi-hyung. Both me and Taehyung rolled our eyes and started to drag him out and a little whine escaped from Jimin. Once Y/N was out of his sight, Jimin almost looked like he snapped out of a trance. 

“You okay there hyung?” I asked once more while Taehyung ran ahead to Y/N’s Jeep, calling shotgun, almost as if he was giving Jimin space.

“Why do I still feel drawn to her?” Jimin whispered almost as if he could hardly believe it himself. “I could hardly sleep last night…”

“Well I’m sure the hyungs could help us understand more,” I said rubbing his arm. “Namjoon’s family has the archives that could maybe tell us more but we could only do that if you feel comfortable with us knowing.”

“That’s the only way I’m gonna get answers huh?” Jimin said entering the backseat of the car. When he glanced at Taehyung, he continued once he saw that he had headphones on. “Do you think with time, she’ll remember me more?” 

“To be honest, hyung,” I said starting the Jeep. “I find it strange that she can’t remember as well, is that one of the affects of her reje-”

“Okay I got a playlist ready!” Taehyung cheered as he grabbed Y/N’s aux cord. “Let’s go!”

“Let’s go!” I said to Taehyung as I looked at Jimin in the rear view mirror, he seemed to be lost in thought. 

Once we arrived at the car rental place, Jimin went in to pay for the rental, mostly because he spoke more English than Taehyung. Jin’s parents were basically the ones paying for everything, it helps that they own the most luxurious restaurant in Seoul. Too bad Jin wants to be a chef instead of managing the restaurant.

“That card has been there since you came to pick us up that day at the airport,” Taehyung muttered looking at the front window. He was right, there was a card. I hadn’t noticed it before. I reached as best as I could to grab it but before I could graze it with my fingers, Jimin grabbed it.

“Who is Lee Minho?” Jimin muttered with a furrow in his brow. I shrugged and so did Taehyung when Jimin looked at him. “That’s a Korean name…”

“Must be someone Noona knows,” Taehyung said, causing Jimin and I to raise our eyebrows. “What?”

“She’s only two months older than you,” Jimin said with an arched brow. “You don’t have to call her that.”

“Wait, you guys have the same birth month?!” Taehyung said in surprise. “And why can Jungkook call her Noona and not me?”

“Trust me,” Jimin sighed. “I don’t like that he does either.”

“She called Jin-hyung ‘Oppa’ yesterday,” Taehyung muttered, crossing his arms. 

“She did what?!” Both me and Jimin yelled causing Taehyung to flinch. Me more in disgust while Jimin seemed angry.

“Him and his ‘Oppa’ fetish,” Jimin muttered in annoyance, as he walked towards the large black SUV that an employee drove out. “Then these jerks won’t let me be alone with her.”

“We can still hear you hyung,” I said and I laughed as he flipped me off. 

I don’t remember him being this possessive before.

“He reminds me of Hobi,” Taehyung muttered. “They’re so scary, I mean Hobi-hyung has sort of chilled since he claimed Yoongi.”

“Claimed?” I said in confusion. 

“Bro,” Taehyung said, rolling his eyes. “You really didn’t pay attention at all in homeschool huh?”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” I said, starting the car and pulling out once I saw Jimin hop into the SUV. “Jimin has already been rejected.”

“Maybe it’s different because Y/N is human,” Taehyung shrugged. 

“YOU KNEW?!” I yelled and I almost let go of the brake, causing Jimin to honk at us from behind. “Hyung, how did-”

“Did you think we were born yesterday?” Taehyung said smacking me on the head, even though I was driving. Wait-

“‘WE’?!”

“Yes,” Taehyung said nonchalantly. “We’re just waiting for Jimin to open up to us.”

And for once Taehyung rendered me speechless. So all of them knew. Jimin is gonna lose his mind. The only one who doesn’t know is Y/N herself. 

“You know what I don’t understand?” Taehyung said all of a sudden in a serious tone. “Humans don’t possess the ability to reject a Soulmate right? I mean have you ever heard of it before?”

“No I haven’t heard of them evolving that way.” I said, I am somewhat confused by it as well. “There’s been a lot of cases lately, where people’s Marks are being erased.”

“Really?” Taehyung said in surprise. “Huh I wonder…”

“Wouldn’t it be more likely that Neanderthals are rejecting their human Soulmates?” I asked. “I mean do you think Namjoon has heard of more cases from his father?”

“I mean, we can always figure that out later.” Taehyung said, shaking his head. “My concern is for Jimin and Y/N.”

“Right.” I agreed already seeing the cottage in sight.

“We know Jimin thinks Y/N rejected him..” Taehyung drawls.. “But that’s simply impossible, she doesn’t have the ability.”

“What are you saying hyung?”

“I’m saying that your Grandpa is a liar.” Taehyung said, clenching his fists. “I know Jimin, and I don’t think he had the heart to reject her but I can’t help but think-”

“No,” I said clenching the wheel. “Hyung loved her so much.”

“That’s the only thing that makes sense.” Taehyung said with a sigh. We both sat in the car as Jimin hopped off the SUV and started to pet Yuki, who seemed to only have warmed up to him. As he pulled up his sleeves, his broken Mark was like a crack on his skin. Like a reflection of his broken soul. 

“We need to get her to remember.” I said with determination. “She has the answers.”

“I don’t mean to be pessimistic,” Taehyung whispered as he got out of the car. “That doesn’t change that the bond between them is broken.”

“I don’t care,” I said, marching my way up the walkway. “They don’t need the bond to know they belong together.”

“But-”

“Besides,” I said. “I don’t think the bond is entirely broken.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung whispered as we made it to the front door. Jimin and Y/N were both sitting on the couch with Yuki laying across both their laps. “His Mark-”

“It’s like you said,” I whispered. “Jimin is acting possessive because he hasn’t claimed her. He’s not just being jealous and she may not remember him but her body does which is why-”

“What are you guys whispering about?” Jimin asked in English, his face slightly pink. 

“Yea,” Y/N said, her face matching Jimin’s. “You guys have been awfully quiet, it’s quite suspicious…”

“It’s nothing Noona,” Taehyung said with his box smile and a wink, causing Y/N to splutter.

“YAH KIM TAEHYUNG!” Jimin yelled in Korean as he chased him around the house. “DON’T CALL HER THAT!”

*

“Is he gonna kill Taehyung?” Y/N said slightly worried.

“Maybe.” And just then we hear a picture frame fall from somewhere in the house.

“Shit.” 

Yep shit is right Noona.

Prev / Next 

Masterlist 

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keeper - Chapter XI

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA+18

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.  

Chapter Warning:  Character devolving.Graphic sex. Torture. Rape Necrophilia.  Heavy trigger warnings!

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other.  Boys will be boys…

A/N: This chapter might be a hard read, but it's supposed to be because Hvitserk is devolving. It's hard to explain without giving too much of the story away, but trust me, there's a reason for this. I hope I did a good job showing the struggle within the character.  

Chapter XI

I don't remember this ever being so stressful. Maybe it's because we've never taken two of them before.  Well, we’ve had two in the same night, but never two at the same time.

I thought it was logistically impossible, but Ivar had everything planned to the letter. He's brilliant – a tactical genius. Just being able to think of every move before it happens, all of the calculated risks, even the reactions…if I could have his looks, charisma, and his brains?  I’d be the total package.  

Even though every part of the plan worked perfectly, there’s still something nagging at me.  All of this feels off. Of course, Ives says it’s because I’m just a creature of habit, but I think it’s more than that.  We’re doing all kinds of stuff that we have never done before. We’re breaking rules, making shit up…

I’m all for him being spontaneous, but for the first time since we were kids, I can’t read him.  Normally, we’re on the same page when it comes to this.  We know what the other is thinking by a look or a head nod – but right now?  I don’t know what the hell is going on.  

He came up with this plan and didn’t tell me about it.  He just did shit. Naturally, it worked out; it’s Ivar.  But, he just did it...without me.  

He said he didn’t want to burden me with the details, that I’ve been so stressed lately, that he just wanted me to sit back and enjoy.  I know and trust that he would never do anything to hurt me, and that he always has my best interests in mind, but it’s a little scary not being able to be inside his head. 

It’s empty when I can’t feel him. 

This bond we share, not as brothers, but as soul mates - being two life forces that are perfectly in-tuned with every aspect of each other…that feeling...he’s slipping away from me.  

Now, he’s doing shit that he knows I don’t like. Take drugging them for example – I’m not into that. There’s a big difference between getting high with someone and drugging them. When we get high together, they get to pick their party favor, sit back, and enjoy the ride.  It makes our night together so much more fun because we’re both in an alternate reality before anything ever gets started. It’s kinda like Star Treking through the Twilight Zone.  

But when you drug a person, you’re taking away their choice.  They don’t know what the fuck is going on.  They’re all spacey and shit, and I can’t tell if they really want to be there with me, or if it’s the drugs talking.  I need them to be able to make the choice. I need them to submit to me and not give up because they’re high.

I know I’m being a bitch about this.  He was just doing the best he could to make sure we got both of them.  I can’t help but to try to think that had to have been another logical way to do this.

I wonder if Ivar knows that I went inside their house last night?  I bet they didn’t know that their bilco doors weren’t locked, or that Ms. Johnson never fixed that cellar entrance from that time when we got in there to get some of her pills, a few years ago.  Hmm.

I was good.  I didn’t touch anything; I just watched them make love.  She is beautiful and the way she looks at him is enough to make me want to lick her face.  Her body is amazing. I could tell that from when she was standing in the back yard, but naked?  Dainty, pale skin, soft curves...she’s gentle and he was a little too rough with her, for my tastes.   

His body was the direct opposite of hers.  He’s got defined muscles, hard plains, tanned skin. The way he touched her, picked her up, slapped her ass...you don’t manhandle a woman as delicate as her, like that.  It took everything I had not to kill him right there. 

But she seemed to like it.  He turned her.  He destroyed a perfect, angelic being and turned her into his personal blowup doll. That’s why they had come.  I have to save her, and he has to pay.

So, what other choice did we have?  How else were we supposed to get them here?  Drugging them was the lesser of the evils, but fuck...this?  

If it was just slipping them something, I could live with that.  But what the fuck am I supposed to do now?  How am I supposed to go through with this if I know their names and their story? 

I seriously don’t think I can do this anymore.  I mean, I want to. God I really, really want to. But they're like real people now.

I guess it would have been a little weird to just take them out for drinks and not ask them anything about themselves. Well, I didn't ask, not really. That guy, Bishop…what did he say his real name was? Heahmund?  Like I gave a fuck. Well, he decided to tell us all about him and his beautiful wife, Aud. And because that shit for brains doesn’t like the natural lull in conversations, we had to find out all about how they just got married and moved out here. 

He's from up North and she’s from the back East and apparently, they met someone in the middle, blah, blah, blah...  I don’t care about their life story.  But I do care that their families back home are going to miss them.

Just talking to them was weird, too. Usually, people only talk to Ivar. But them? They were talking to me, like looking at me and everything. And the way Aud’s eyes twinkled every time she said, Fitz, it was like…wow.  I just wanted to keep hearing her say my name over and over again.  I almost told her my whole name, just to hear what it sounds in her mouth. 

I want to eat my name off her tongue.  God, that would be fucking amazing.

Maybe that’s why I started getting hot and dizzy when they got up to dance, and Ivar opens the capsules and dumps the contents into their drinks.  I just wanted her to say my name one more time, without being drugged. 

"Now!" Ivar's voice fills the cabin and pulls me out of my head. My eyelids feel heavy as I open them. My neck doesn't start to hurt until I reposition myself in this chair. From this new position, I realize that this guy is naked and handcuffed. He’s wearing the dog collar around his neck and Ivar is holding the end of the leash in his hand, practically dragging him around the room. 

But, what is that damn rattling noise? Wait, are those the leg shackles? Where the hell did they come from? I thought Ivar got rid of those things months ago. 

It hurts my neck, but I still strain it to look around them until I can find Aud. 

There she is, sprawled out on the mattress, her arms tied to the metal grates of the fireplace, and her legs are tied to something that Ivar has sticking out of the floor. What in the hell is that, anyway? Whatever it is it looks sturdy enough. 

I must say, Ivar's been doing a lot of work fixing this place up. He must have spent a lot of time here when I was out of it before. The lights in the ceiling work…they flicker but, at least, they're on. Most of the other shit has been cleared out, too. Between cleaning up this place and taking care of me, where does he find the time to do anything for himself?  I really need to do a better job of taking care of him.

Bishop’s muffled voice is weak as just before he falls over when Ivar puts the cattle prod to his chest. If only there was a way to make him understand that my brother would just as soon electrocute him for the hell of it - it would be in his best interest to just follow along. 

If dude thinks it’s bad now, just keep defying, Ivar. He’ll learn.

The sound of my chair leg scratch along the floor makes Ivar’s head turn toward me.  His smile splits his face in half and he offers me a wink. "Glad you decided to join us. You woke up just in time." Now that he has an audience, I know he is not going to hold back.  

Truth be told, I’m a little sad about that fact. I kinda liked them, Aud & Bishop.  It might have been nice to have some friends or possibly get to know some people that Thora and I could go out with as a couple or something.  I’d like to hang around some regular couples to see how they do things, get some tips on how to be normal.  Judging by how far things went while I was out, there doesn’t seem to be much hope for that now, though.  

Oh, well.  It’s not like I can do shit about it now; unless blacking out counts. That seems to be all I can do lately. That must be why I'm sitting over here in this lumpy ass chair in this corner, like a child on punishment.  I don’t even really remember what happened.  One minute Aud was sucking me off and her husband was calling for her.  Then I was sad because his voice was breaking my heart.  Next thing I know, I’m waking up here, just in time to watch my brother break my two new friends.  

"You with me, brother?  Come over here, you gotta see how cool this is.” Ivar's face turns from pleasant to harsh when looks back at Heahmund, "I told you to get over there and fuck her. Now!  Don’t make me tell you a third time." Did I wake up on planet Quaddork?  Ivar usually does the torturing, but now he’s going to use them to do it to each other? 

It’s a brilliant idea, but shit if I don’t feel bad about it. 

My legs are wobbly, but I make my way over to the mattress and I swear Aud's eyes remind of Thora's when she's afraid. Just the way she's looking at Heahmund to save her, like a kid who needs their daddy to protect them from the things that go bump in the night…fuck. Out of instinct, I kneel down and touch her bare her foot. Even if I can't help her, I just want her to know that I'm here. 

She's so scared, but I want her to know that she doesn’t have to be scared of me, “It's okay Thora. I'm not going to hurt you." I need to find her clothes. Her body is on display. Every man in this room, including me, can see her entire naked body.  This isn’t right.  She needs to be covered up, at least part of her, at all times.  When she’s naked, she becomes the parts and the reaction I need and not the woman that I want. She can't be like that.  Especially not here and definitely not around my little brother.

"If you don't fuck her, he will." Ivar's voice is harsh causing the tears to run faster from her eyes. "They think I'm fucking around, Serk. Why don’t you show Bishop, here, how it's done?"

I love Thora and I make love to her all the time. But not like this and I won’t do it in front of him. I have to keep something separate, something for myself. "Ivar, please.  Keep Thora out of this."

"Aud." Ivar has the leash wound tightly in his hand as he kneels beside me. He strokes my hair and whispers in my ear. "Her name is, Aud."

I nod my head, "Right." That is her name, Aud. 

Fuck Aud. She's not Thora. My hand trails her leg and when I reach her hip I hear a scuffle behind me. Bishop is trying to get at me. I guess Ivar’s trying to stop this from happening. I don't know how he managers it, but somehow he’s gotten the larger man on the ground and when he nods his head, I know what he wants me to do. I cover her body with my own and before anything happens, I remove the ball gag from her mouth. "It'll be over soon. I promise."

"Please help me, Fitz?" Her whisper makes my heart skip a beat. I stroke her hair back and focus on her face as she sobs her request. She's so pretty.  So innocent. Ivar doesn't understand, we have to protect the innocent ones. 

"It's okay, Thora.” I close my eyes as I kiss her forehead.  “I'm here.” My thumbs trace the side of her face and I wedge my hips in between her legs. 

I just need to look at her for a moment. I want to take in all of this innocence before I possess it.

I hear screaming behind me and it makes me turn around.  My brother looks satisfied, he must have gotten his way from the man in the collar. "If you want him to stop, you know what you have to do." He gives the leash some slack before yanking it down forcing the man to kneel on the mattress.  Holding his hand out to me, Ivar motions for me to come to him, "You'll have her soon, Serky. Let her husband have a turn."

As soon as her body is exposed again, I realize she's not Thora. She doesn't look like her; her body is not like Thora's. She's laid out and waiting for another man. Thora would never do something like this whore in front of me. Instead, she would be putting up a fight, trying to keep what we have sacred. She wouldn't betray me and lay with someone else.

"Heahmund?" She cries as he says muffled words into the bend of her neck, slowly positioning himself on top of her. He's taking his time, trying his best to stall. Little does he know, he’s just going to piss Ivar off more. I can't take my eyes off of them. All this human interaction is marvelous. "Just do what he says and he'll let us go," her words come out weak and choppy as she tries to reassure him.

"No, he won't," Ivar laughs at my statement. He’s squeezing my shoulders and cracking the fuck up like I just told the joke of the fucking century.  I have to admit, his laughter is making me start to giggle, "He's never gonna let you go."

She turns those hopeful eyes towards me and suddenly it’s not funny anymore. "But, you can, right, Fitz?”  Why is she nodding at me? Does she want me to agree with her? “I promise we won’t say anything.  Please, help me?”  

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ivar's boot come down on Bishop's hip. "I gave you an order, slave," his voice is so calm and even that it scares me.  I know that tone – this is the calm before the storm.  If this guy doesn’t get his shit together, Ivar’s going to get angry.  

I don’t even know to describe what it looks like when Ivar’s angry.  That time a few weeks ago, when he had a tantrum because he wanted to go out is nothing compared to when he loses control.  It’s like his eyes cloud over to this shade of blue that’s not known to man, and his normally electrifying smile makes him look psychotic.  That’s why I usually go into another room when Ivar works.  I love to see him happy, but I hate watching him become a monster.   

For my little brother to be such a beautiful man, his monster is so ugly.  I hate the way it twists his face and how it sucks all the good out of him.  It’s like he just becomes a black void, that can only destroy.  I know it sounds crazy, but when Ivar’s monster takes control, he’s so ugly because he forgets he loves me.  

Judging from the slow transformation in his features, I’d say Bishop’s only got a few minutes to get his shit together before Ivar starts turning, "Just fuck her, like you hate her." I don't know why I'm trying to help him. Maybe it's because I know what he's feeling. I know damn well what I'd be feeling if it was me and Thora.

Bishop pleads with her eyes and she permits him to hurt her. He's slow about it. He's trying to make it as pleasurable as possible, considering. He shouldn’t deviate from the script, just do what the fuck he’s been told. Oh well, I tried to help him. He's not listening to my advice, that’s just too bad for them.  Any and everything Ivar does to them now will be on his head. All he had to do was follow the rules. Just let Ivar be in control without trying to be the hero. Now it's his ass. Literally.

Without warning, Ivar shoves the cattle prod into him, causing him to push violently into Aud, making her scream. I can’t stop laughing at the fact that Ivar's going to shock him from the inside until he gets his desired reaction. 

"I said fuck her." He sends another shock to help coax him along.  It’s not until the husband is behaving like a good boy, does Ivar pat floor next to him for me to join him.

I trust that Ivar knows what he’s doing.  I’m sure that he wants me beside him, getting a front-row view because there’s a lesson here that I need to learn.  I’m just too tired and confused to concentrate on it.  My mind keeps wandering and I can’t seem to stay fully in this moment.  

As soon as my head lands on his lap, his strong fingers gently rub my scalp.  It’s almost enough to make me want to go back to sleep.  Only, I can’t stop watching this man fuck his wife with so much force because he's afraid to have me do it. I don’t know if I’m enjoying this.  It’s a little too fucked up, even for me. 

"Punch her." I didn’t even realize how heavy my lids were until Ivar’s voice broke my concentration.  He’s just saying the first thing that jumps in his head, now. I can tell by that boyish chuckle of his.  Sending another shock to Bishop makes him react like a trained monkey. Each time he sends a charge, Aud gets another punch to her face.  Each punch she gets, makes Ivar laugh. Every laugh from him, makes me wrap my arms around his waist tighter, and smile.

I can't tell who's crying harder, him or her...poor things. 

Ivar's entire body shakes under my head as he laughs, but he never stops massaging my scalp.  It’s the weirdest, most comforting sensation.  I wonder if it feels like that for him, too.  "Good dog.  Now, choke her." His Pavlovian response technique seems to be working because he doesn’t even need to shock this guy into playing out his fantasy. 

Without any more guidance than just Ivar’s words, a large hand wraps around his wife’s throat, but he’s not applying any pressure.  “That’s not hard enough to choke somebody,” Did I just say that?  I was thinking about it, but why did the words come out of my mouth?  I don’t want him to hurt her.  I like her.  I have to protect her.  If anything, I want to hurt him for hurting her.  But, maybe this was his way of trying to keep her safe.  Maybe by not choking her, he thought he was appeasing my brother and protecting his wife. 

The only problem with his plan is Ivar knows it’s not hard enough to cut off her oxygen supply. "I'm sick of repeating myself to you, dog. You will learn to do what I say." This time when he shocks him, he doesn't let off of the button. He sends the shock waves throughout Bishop’s body in a way that makes the muscles in his hand stiffen, locking around Aud's throat.

Those eyes. All of that innocence seeping out of those eyes with each tear that rolls down her pretty face. She was so beautiful. So angelic. Now she's nothing. Those large eyes are fixed in my direction, staring lifelessly at me, begging me to help her. "Thora?" I reach my hand forward but she doesn't respond.

"You see what he did, Hvitserk? He killed Thora." Ivar's voice is soothing as he tries to console me through my grief.  All the loving and coddling in the world can’t fill this empty void suddenly growing inside me.  I know what I need to do. This man was twice her size and he raped and strangled this beautiful, innocent creature. 

He is evil. "You thought he was your friend, Serk. But now Thora's dead because of him. He needs to be punished."

I stand to my feet in one swift motion and I kick him in the ribs. I watched him kill her. All she wanted was for him to protect her, but he was too weak to do that. Well, I’m not weak. 

He is going to pay for failing her. 

The cattle prod lands with a crash across the room and I'm inside of him faster than he can recover from it. "You like raping women? Do you like how it feels?" I pound into him ignoring his cries. My weight, on his back, lands him on top of her and he gently shakes her body to try to wake her up. "She's dead, fucker! This is your fault!  Why didn't you just fucking listen?" I grunt my words because I'm so angry. How could he let that happen on his watch? He didn't deserve her.

The leash is wrapped so tightly around my hand that the blood no longer circulating in it. With each thrust, I pull back on it until I start to hear the bones in his neck crack under the pressure. He can't die soon enough.

"That's it, Hvitserk. Just like that." Ivar coos from behind me, his lips gently grazing my neck.  I know that panting sound he makes when he’s jerking off. When I look over at him, I feel myself smile at the sight of his hand vigorously stroking his cock. The harder he jerks, the harder I thrust. It's like we're finally in sync again, pumping rhythmically with each other.

I didn't understand what he was trying to show me before, but now I do. People like Bishop, the strong ones, they deserve this. They are ones that the world bows to because they're charismatic and exude a presence that people like me don't have; they deserve to be taught a lesson. Ivar has shown me that I'm stronger than I think and that it's my job to let the rest of the world know my strength.

It has nothing to do with the act; this all about power. No matter how many muscles Aud’s husband has or how tough he thinks he is, I'm more powerful than him. She should have known that, too. She should have chosen me to be with, not him. They made the wrong choice by overlooking me. Now they have no choice, I'm the last thing they'll ever see.

Bishop's lifeless body lies limp in the corner until Ivar decides what he's going to do with him. Right now, he sees fit to just stare at him while smokin a joint and listening to music. I, on the other hand, can't get enough of Aud. I don't understand how I could confuse her with Thora before. 

Maybe it was something I took before I left the house or maybe it was the helpless, innocent way she looked at me. Whatever it was, I’ve never met someone that could blur everything around me like that. For the briefest moment, I couldn't tell what was real and what was just in my head. Right now, though, being inside her now, I know the truth.

She feels just as soft and just amazing as I thought she would. She didn't see me before, but now she does. I've shown her more care and love that fucking coward she married ever could.

It’s because I need her to see that I can take of her that I can’t stop indulging in her. It’s almost like I need to show her that I’m worthy of the gifts that she's given me. She helped me get back my confidence. 

She showed me how to find my strength, and she gave me back my power.  

My new neighbor, Aud, saved me.

I want her to feel how much I appreciate everything she's done for me. Every time I cum, I'm hard again, just thinking about what freedom feels like. If I could figure out a way to consume her so she would never leave me, I would…I just don’t want this feeling to ever go away. I've already licked her; tasted her; bit her; cut her and loved her. What other way is there to make her a part of me?  

She drove the hunger away. It's not just fed, it's gone. She did that for me. She gave me a chance to have a normal life.

Aud sacrificed herself to cure me. I will forever be in her debt.

Kissing her mouth hungrily, I turn her head to have her eyes focus on me. "Thank you." When I roll on my back to look up at the ceiling, I notice Ivar's smiling face looking down at me. "Did you have fun tonight?”

I look at the hole at the ceiling before cutting my eyes back at him.  Rubbing my bare chest I start to laugh, "Ives, tonight was fucking awesome!”  Gently placing a hand on Aud’s thigh, I give it a light squeeze, “Thanks, brother. I needed that.”

“Of course,” he says, winking his eye at me, “I will always be my brother’s keeper.”

Previous Chapter|| Next Chapter

Tags: Let me know if you want to be added/removed from tags:

@youbloodymadgenius​​ @idea-garden​​ @kol--mikaelson​​ @mooniemouse​​ @didiintheblog​​ @waiting4inspiration​​ @tempt-ress​​ @where-beauty-goes-to-die​ @crazyaboutmotleycrue​​ @oddsnendsfanfics​​ @geekandbooknerd​​ @ivarthebloodyking​​ @honestsycrets​​

[fe-husband-heaven]

Idk if this counts as a request but what characters can you see being bi/gay?

I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!

((Had to rewrite this twice cuz tumblr flubbed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh))

_________________________________________

Nyaha, this doesn't count as a request but I tend to get indulgent with HC's and stuff djdjdj

P.S. Niles isn't included cuz he's obvious and canon kkkkkkkkk

P.P.S. I also included some relationship HC's(?)/ What the character in particular needs in a relationship!

(In FEH verse, with the units already in the game haha)

Takumi:

Takumi really wants someone who sees his worth. He really needs someone who believes in him wholeheartedly and never wavers from his side.

He gets attached quite easily once you befriend him and it will evolve (against his will) into thinking about how good it would feel to be with you every second of the day. ((He cringes at his own corniness-))

Takumi has a fear of abandonment and he falls into lapses when he thinks someone might be better for you. (Namely when a new hero with incredible strength catches your attention) and he'll work excessively hard to impress you.

It only takes a direct reminder from you that you love him more than anyone else and that you wouldn't want anyone that wasn't him, to quell his worries. :')

Grima:

Hnnnn Grima is more of a "I am a god, I do what I want" situation-

If you insist on worming your way into his life then he'll make you his, he doesn't care at all what you are. Girl, guy, god, goose, its all the same to Grima.

Rest assured though, he's extremely -and I mean EXTREMELY- protective. He's very territorial and once he's decided you belong to him, he's completely invested in every aspect of your life.

He follows you around as you work (glaring at everything) and he insists on guarding your door at night. While you may have earned his favor, his distrust in humanity is not easily erased, and he believes they'd conspire against you any moment...

Or at least that's what he says but that wicked smile he has when you pull him into your room and into bed (You will not have him losing sleep for no reason) is suspicious...

Soren:

Soren doesn't form bonds easily, so managing to befriend him is a feat in itself. And when you do, you won't know, because he won't suddenly be all buddy buddy with you. You'll have to be able to decipher his feelings through his constant fretting disguised as chiding.

You have to be able to read between the lines, especially when he slips up and makes a remark that even vaguely insinuates he cares about you.

Most of his feelings are apparent when you're not there/paying attention. If anyone has anything to say about you, Soren doesn't waste a second with verbal decimation. He does it in a manner that makes it seem as though he has no particular feelings towards you, and is merely looking down on the trash talker.

Like, "Oh, you think you're any better? Oh, its nothing, just amusing." in the most teeth grinding condescending tone he can muster.

Alfonse:

Ahh would it be better to say he's Summoner-sexual-

Alfonse's plan of "blah blah keep you at arms length" failed miserably but in turn, he got something that's incredibly precious to him, you. You are always at his side, so much so that he feels lonely in a room full of people if you aren't there.

Like Takumi, Alfonse is afraid that you might just leave him one day. He trusts your feelings but every once in a while, the feeling of dread creeps up and he'll need a little time to have you to himself.

Ah but he frets over you a lot, more so than he did when you weren't together. He wants to take care of you and it comes naturally to him but if you express a wish to do the same, he'll blush shyly.

Claude:

Claude originally started his ties with you as intending to use you to achieve his dreams. You have strange powers as a summoner, that Breidablik you wield is different than a relic, and you yourself are quite the mystery to him too

Once you've piqued his interest, he gathers information discreetly about your likes, dislikes, and any heroes you're close to in particular. Somehow, your name just happens to pop up in conversation.

Soon enough, he was more interested in having you at his side when he finally achieves his goals for his world, rather than as a proxy for his wishes.

Ranulf:

Ranulf can be quite cheeky, swaying hearts right and left, but what he's really interested in is a nice cat nap where he can curl his tail around you and be pet into a relaxed sleep.

He won't let you overwork yourself and wishes you'd rely on him more. He wants you to trust him and let him handle some battles before you work yourself to death. He thinks exhausting oneself for others to the point of collapse is a weird Beorc thing

If you take him up on his offer, he'll return triumphantly from battle sporting a playful smirk that screams "I told you I'd do it". Of course, what he expects in turn is express alone time where he can receive scratches behind the ear and purr to his hearts content when he has you in a cuddling session.

That does it! These are all the ones I personally think could be gay/bi, off the top of my head anyway! + HC's~

[softgrungeprophet]

it’s that time again. time for me to be annoyed/frustrated at the comics that came in the 20-teens that simultaneously responded directly to the 2000s, followed in the 2000s’ continuation, but completely glossed over and ignored the very serious topics that were brought up. and then we get the fucking 2018 run which does NEITHER and just seeks to make it worse for shock value without being even remotely thoughtful about anything it does! wow.

we could have had some really interesting growth for eddie and the symbiote’s relationship by honestly addressing things like eddie’s illness, hypocrisy as anti-venom, his status as a victim of abuse, and so on...

of course i know if i say “eddie is a victim” people will get hissy but like.... i’m not saying he’s an innocent blameless baby who was manipulated into being the weirdo he is... i’m just saying... he’s a victim of abuse. he’s been taken advantage of a lot. almost any help he’s received has required some kind of reciprocation.

he’s a shithead and he went off the deep-end after new ways to die because remender’s version of eddie fucking sucks, he’s smug and weird and violent, and also he’s been neglected and tortured and abused and experimented on and he needs therapy and blah blah blah

he’s also not some fuckin accidental drunk driver who was hit into thinking he’s innocent. that’s so fucking--jeez. everything about these retcons donny has been doing miss the point even more than the comics he says he loves so much. it’s wild. like i don’t like new ways to die OR new ways to live, remender’s run was okay but i hated the way he wrote eddie, marvel knights spider-man just sucks in general, the hunger 03 also sucks, but like they do feed into each other in a way that.... sort of makes sense....

i just wish there was a way any of the comics would have said, “hey look there are some ways in which eddie is a victim but there are also some ways in which he needs to take responsibility for his actions”

but that kind of nuanced take is impossible for the way these comics are put out and canceled and retconned and so on forever.. it’s so ... ugh.....

the hunger 03 sucks... it also influenced over a decades’ worth of Venom comics including costa’s in its own weird way.... and i just wish we could simultaneously be like, Yes the symbiote is not inherently evil or corrupting but Also it did abuse Eddie, and Yes Eddie has been treated poorly for a great deal of his life and Also is a motherfucker who needs to be held responsible for his actions.

Is this hypocritical to be like, “can we address the 2000s” while also saying “2018 run is not valid”

in my defense even the shitty 2000s were like a continuity and didn’t try to fully retcon every single aspect of venom lore that ever existed (tho it sure did plenty of retconning....) whereas the current run... is doing exactly that....

of course this goddamn run will probably also influence the following comics unless the next writers retcon the retcons or like, ignore it and it gets put into its own earth or something. idk. like no one really counts dark origin right? and that works cause it also had a negligible influence on the rest of the comics. but like, the bad hunger had a very lasting impact on the comics. so i guess we just hope that donny cates, despite currently selling super well, does not actually influence any of the comics that come after?

i don’t fuckin know. i just think it kind of sucks that like “eddie was abused” is something that gets used as either a “lol no that never happened and if you talk about it you hate the symbiote” or else an excuse to demonize the symbiote even after its own character growth arcs in the apparently supremely unpopular gotg and space knight stuff... lol

maybe if every fucking series from 2013 to 2016 (minus costa which is honestly more 2017) didn’t get canned we could have gotten more. like honestly, 2016′s Carnage--for all its flaws--seemed like it had something to say about Eddie as a character, about his flaws and so on, and I gotta wonder where that was going. It flat out says “Venom didn’t make Eddie Brock a bastard” so like? But then at the same time all of the symbiotes in that series were completely silent so? I don’t even know.

Cullen Bunn was clearly going somewhere too but I have no idea where other than “symbiote is alive but has trouble communicating” and “eddie is coming down from his murder spree as he realizes flash thompson is in fact helping people as agent venom”

the two fit together in a very strangely complementary way. sometimes i gotta wonder about a universe in which those two comics in particular ran concurrently to address venom, flash, toxin, and eddie’s many issues. but toxin’s probably gone... though in my heart they are with jubulile and her mom in south africa, learning what it’s like to be part of a loving family...

man. the resigned “Okay.” at the end of twav...... twav good imo.

anyway

i don’t even know what the point of this is. i’m all over the place in this post. it’s frustrating that donny has made it kinda impossible to bring up eddie’s victimhood without like... qualifying it to the ends of the earth to clarify that you don’t think he’s some kind of pure cinnamon roll who’s been dreadfully manipulated for 12 years....

I feel like I’m not making any sense!!! Words are hard.

I feel like I’ve kinda been avoiding writing about the symbiote though in part because it’s hard for me to balance that many characters and in part because of Donny’s stupid bullshit, which is dumb as fuck but I guess that’s what he wanted huh!!!! Need to read Lethal Protector to cleanse my palate but it’s taking forever to get it from the library because they only have one copy.

ugh

The symbiote is not an evil creature like he wants everyone to think... goddammit.... but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t carefully address both its and Eddie’s mistakes without fabricating new different mistakes to obscure the previous ones. Or whatever. Fuckin I don’t know lol the entirety of the continuity is just a bunch of bullshit. 80s-90s continuity largely separate from 2000-20...15ish continuity largely separate AGAIN from the 2016 continuity yet also directly tied to it, against completely separated from the 2018 continuity which is off saying “fuck you” to literally every venom writer to ever exist since Eddie’s conception, ironically including the guy who wrote the cursed hunger

What am I trying to say! I don’t know! i feel like a broken record. There’s a lot of empty space between Agent Venom and 2016 that was never filled! also between 2016 and 2018 lmfao.

Donny “everything went wrong and I’m not going to explain how other than ‘God’ and ‘Eddie lost his job cause screaming symbiote’“ Cates really pullin some shit. what do you mean eddie tends to work toward solving his own problems EVEN WHILE DYING. waid’s mini-story in NWTD showed that eddie, despite being sad and sick and exhausted was still like.... eddie, stubbornly searching out his own solutions and getting angry. ofc i’m not sure how well it succeeded at parts. the comics in those days were still pretty steeped in the weird symbiote hallucinations that it was never clear if they were meant to be caused by the symbiote or just eddie’s sick brain. like the Last Temptation. I have a love-hate relationship with those two issues... I think they’re pretty well-done but also something about them just rubs me the wrong way. 

Anyway back to Cates: it’s not like there wasn’t space for a spiral after FH or anything. You could have really dug into Eddie and the symbiote’s insecurities wrt family and parenting. but nah. let’s just make it so there’s a SECRET CHILD, and oh the pre-established sibling? we could have dug into her and made her a real character. but no, she doesn’t exist, women are either fake or dead or violated.

asshole.

but again like..... the 03 hunger, cursed and bad... like... it’s still workable. you can work with the corrupting forces, the addiction metaphor (on the SYMBIOTE’S part, with adrenaline) and the intense codependency, and still have them move on and into a healthier-by-comparison relationship.

but cates’ run is like... much harder to recover from if it has as lasting of an effect, because it leaves no part untouched, and goes beyond “normal” abuse into really weird unforgiveable territory... like the canon of that comic is the canon in which everything has been completely changed into something unrecognizable.

i joke about my AUs being unrecognizable because, visually at least, they WOULD be unrecognizable for most Venom fans, but the comics inform them as characters a lot in the stories i write in those AUs, from the 96 good hunger, to the 03 bad hunger, to space knight to venom inc, and so on. But donny cates really is out here essentially reverse-engineering retcons to justify his characterizations.

barely related: the way eddie was raised and the way he coped by overachieving and so on and so forth makes me think he would have--despite presumably gaining a great deal of confidence in college once out of his father’s home--been really vulnerable to being taken advantage of by like, other students or teachers, but idk how exactly to articulate what i mean like... uh... not even that he WAS taken advantage of but that his need for validation would have left him open to it... i guess??

that’s got pretty much nothing to do with this post though but kinda ties into what i’ve said before about how i think eddie was a withdrawn and isolated adolescent who only opened up in college. why i disagree with donny’s retcon for that reason in addition to other reasons--the way he’d been shown to be bullied as a kid in previous comics, as well as the lack of history of alcoholism, the clarification in lethal protector that carl wasn’t physical, so on and so forth.

again that’s not related to this post really... and it’s like, a good 50% headcanon, but it makes sense in my head as something that fits his history?? i guess?

[sh1p1nab0ttle]

Hey @espriexo I'm your secret santa! I want to apologize beforehand as I am still practicing my writing as it is my weakest subject which is why I included a drawing along with the story to make up for it. Anyways, I went with your third wish which was the writing prompt of Russia and America collaborating for space exploration to mars set in the future late 21st century.

Summary: Finally turning their attentions back onto space exploration, Russia and America are able to meet to discuss their trip to Mars. However, unexpected feelings overwhelm America and causes the nation to have other plans. 

Pairing: RusAme 

Ratings: K 

Words: 2493

@rusame-secret-santa-2017

Footsteps echoed through the halls as America got nearer to the doorway. The narrow space he was traveling through felt suffocating, or maybe that was just his anxiousness. The blond had no clue as to why he felt so nervous. It was just a meeting with another nation, no big deal. He could hear his heart thumping louder than his footstep and soon trying to reassure himself wasn't an option anymore. As he reached the opening, his eyes met those of shining purple staring back at him.

“Always late aren't you? I know we are not the best of ‘friends’ but could you still try to show up on time?”

America huffed at the comment he was greeted by. “Well I can’t help that flights in America are busier than flights in Russia!” he boasted proudly to mask how nervous he really was.

The older nation just rolled his eyes at the response he received. Had this been before 2050 then he would've most certainly started a physical fight with the younger nation. Though, ever since better leaders, well better in their people’s eyes, had taken both offices, their relations had been steadily rising. And now that there had been successful completed missions in sending people to Mars, it was their turn, his and America’s; the original Space Exploration Duo as they called it. Russia found this title to be quite ridiculous, but it seemed whenever America had heard it, he had a triumphant look. The Russian would never understand the American.

“So are you ready to do some space exploring once more? I haven't been able to just think about space in years! It’s always been about politics blah blah blah! I think the last time I really truly focused on space was back in the Cold War with you. Man I would never have admit it then but you getting to space first both scared me but also made me gain a lot more motivation and admiration for you. Of course, I thought you were going to use your access to space to destroy me and my people which was why I was so dedicated to getting to the moon! In some aspects though, had we not been so competitive, space would still be left unexplored and we wouldn’t be here planning for an exploration to Mars-,” America rambled on.

Russia sat quietly and listened to the other nation’s voice. Contrary to what most believe, he doesn't mind America’s outbursts of words. Russia loves the sounds of voices in meetings despite the chaos they usually bring. He would always prefer to be with others in a room full of noise than alone in a place of silence. The Russian ordered his papers while he waited for America to finish. The older nation always found it amazing how America could kill an eternal silence by filling it with sound just by himself. Suddenly the room went silent again and Russia looked up from sorting his papers.

America sat still in his seat across the table and fidgeted. He looked as though he were thinking about something. Russia peered at him curiously and wondered what made America stop his one-sided conversation. Finally the American looked up and gave a bashful smile which seemed unusual and out of place to the Russian. Russia could never have imagined seeing America shy or embarrassed in any circumstance. He seemed too outgoing and laid-back. Still, there America was, looking as though he was done talking.

“Ahem. Hey, Russia,” America began. He played with the corner of one of his papers subconsciously. “Are you nervous?”

Russia was slightly caught off guard by the question and tilted his head. “Why would I be nervous?” he inquired as a response.

America was silent for a moment regretting having brought the subject up. “Well, uh, I mean the last time we went to space was decades ago, because of everything that's happened and it's just unnerving to think about you know?” He paused and then added, “What if there are, like aliens on Mars!?”

The Russian just stared at America. “You know Tony is an alien...right?” he questioned.

The younger nation shook his head and looked dumbfounded. “No way! Tony’s my friend and plus he’s not from Mars,” America argued.

Sighing, Russia responded with a hand on his forehead, “America there are no aliens on Mars so you have nothing to be frightened of.”

“What about robots? Or a parasite that could kill us? Or-or-” America continued.

Standing up with papers in one hand and walking over to the blond, Russia put his other hand on America’s shoulder. “Alfred, relax. We need to focus on this mission. Our people have already gone to Mars and checked for all those...things. Plus, we are nations remember? We’ll be fine,” the Russian reassured the overexcited nation.

America felt his heartbeat quicken and face reddening at Russia’s touch as he looked back down as his papers. “Y-yeah,” the American murmured. He had needed Russia of all people to calm his squabble down. Wait- had Russia called him ‘Alfred’? America quickly glanced up quizzically at Russia before looking back down at his papers. It must've been a slip of the tongue, as nations never called each other by their human names unless they were close and were outside of business, neither of which the situation was.

Russia sat down in the empty seat next to America instead of returning to his seat. He hadn't realized he had used America’s human name when speaking to him. Looking back to America he asked, “What will you bring on this trip?”

America reluctantly raised his head and hoped that his blush had ceased or that the Russian wouldn’t notice. He was wrong with both. “Uh, just the necessities and what my bosses and space program suggested I bring.”

Now Russia was confused as to why America looked slightly red. Nervousness and worrying about dangers weren't usually like America, and on top of that America was now blushing? The Russian shrugged it off and responded, “I did too. You have finished packing everything, да?”

America nodded, “Yeah I did, since we'll be leaving soon and all.”

Russia checked the time upon hearing America’s response. “We still have a some time left before we have to leave,” he stated. It had turned from evening to night but there was still much for the two to discuss business wise. Before Russia could say anything, though, America interjected.

“Hey Russia, wanna go stargazing?” the American inquired.

This confused the other nation as he looked down at their papers and then looked back up at the American for an explanation. He didn’t know what compelled America to ask him, of all people, to go look at the stars together, but there was no denying that the Russian nation enjoyed watching the stars at night just as much as he enjoyed being around others. Still, would his boss really be okay with him disobeying orders? Before he could give a response, however, America grabbed his hand and began dragging him out if the meeting room and building. The cool air hit his face upon their exit out of the space centre. He looked up at the darkened sky and was about to say something, but the American had let go of his hand and disappeared to somewhere else. Russia looked around him and saw the other nation speaking with someone in a vehicle. The blond looked away from who he was conversing with and beckoned Russia over. The Russian sighed and began to jog over.

“He said he’d take us to the top of the mountain nearby,” America explained to the older nation. “It has a great view of the stars.”

Russia glanced back at the space centre and sighed. There was no changing America’s mind now. Instead of saying anything, Russia just silently nodded. The two nations were driven over to their destination and it had been a fairly quiet trip. As they got out and started to walk the rest of the way towards the top of the low mountain, America finally broke the silence again.

“Hey Russia?” the younger nation began.

Russia turned his attention from walking to listening to the American. He waited for the other to continue, wondering why he had lost his optimistic and outgoing tone. The Russian didn’t understand why America was behaving weirdly ever since almost the start of the meeting when Russia first saw him again.

“Do you...actually wanna be around me?” America continued quietly and nervously. He wished he could make the nagging feeling in him go away but he couldn’t and so he felt obligated to ask.

The Russian stopped walking and turned to look at America. “Ufufuuf~ Why do you ask the most silly questions America?” he giggled. Russia looked up towards the sky speckled with stars. “I want to be around you. I think you are what keeps me going. You are loud and noisy but that is what I need in my life sometimes,” he explained softly. The lighter blond looked back down and gently patted the other’s head. “Let us go now to the top of the mountain.”

America pouted as he felt Russia’s hand pat his head and reverted back to his defensive competitive attitude towards the Russian. “Ack-Don’t pet me like I’m a little kid! I bet I could beat you up the mountain with no problem!” he taunted.

“Oh?” Russia asked with amusement. “The last time we had a race with Space involved, I won, no?” He smiled as he saw the American get flustered again.

“That was a tie! This is just a foot race anyways,” America argued. “And I’ll totally win this ti-” Before he could finish what he was going to say however, Russia had already began the race and had gotten a head start against the other nation. For Russia’s size, he sure was fast. “Hey, that’s not fair!” America cried.

Russia just continued to run up the mountain but when he looked back, he saw that the younger nation was catching up. Their destination was in view and with a final burst of speed, Russia exited the path up with trees and entered an open space perfect for stargazing. America stopped behind him shortly after and was out of breath, they both were. “Looks like I win, little American,” Russia teased.

America frowned at the defeat. “That’s because you started before I even finished talking,” he argued.

Russia smiled and faintly replied with, “All is fair in love and war.”

Confused, the younger nation was about to ask what he had meant but Russia had already turned to find a spot for watching stars. He watched the Russian sit down and joined him silently. Love and war, they weren’t at war directly or indirectly and hadn’t been since before 2050. But love, there was no way there was any love between them. It was always tension, right?

“America, look,” Russia commented breaking America from his thoughts. The other nation followed to where the Russian was pointing and saw the red speck in the sky. “It is where we will be going soon,” Russia added.

The blond nodded and thought about what it would be like on mars. It was slightly unnerving to the nation but he remembered that he wouldn’t be going alone. Russia would be with him and they’d be the first two nations on Mars, together. He looked at the other stars and tried to find any constellation he could. His favourite would have to be Aquila the Eagle Constellation. “Hey Ivan-I mean Russia, what’s your favourite constellation?” the American asked.

The taller nation blinked in surprise when he heard America use his human name, but it also made him smile. “Canis Major and Canis Minor,” he answered.

“Dogs? I didn’t know you liked dogs,” America responded curiously and wondered if the Russian had a reasoning for liking the two dog constellations.

Russia was quiet for a moment until he said, “Laika.”

America understood and didn’t need to ask anymore. He recognized the name of the Space Dog and felt slightly saddened upon remembering that day. He knew Russia also felt remorse. The American decided to go back to watching the stars. The night was growing colder and he felt the need to instinctively move closer towards the Russian.

They sat quietly throughout the night making small remarks and pointing at stars, planets, or constellations every so often. Russia looked to his side when he felt a weight on his shoulder and saw that the American had fallen asleep. Feeling tired himself, the Russian wrapped his scarf around the other nation and laid his head on the other’s before drifting into a sound sleep under the star-filled night sky.

xxx

America felt a warm light as he opened his eyes. He was met with the sight of a rising sun at dawn. He felt something around his neck and saw it was Russia’s scarf. The larger nation was still asleep but woke up when he felt America stir and move away from him. The blond quickly unwrapped the scarf and stood up avoiding any eye contact with the Russian. Instead, he opted to look at the sun on the horizon. “We should go before our bosses send out a patrol to search for us,” he pointed out.

Russia was still a little dazed but nodded and stood up as well and adjusted his scarf. He followed America’s gaze towards the ball of light. A new day was beginning, and it was the day they would begin their flight to Mars. America grabbed his hand and began leading him back down the path towards where they had been dropped off the night before.

America felt as if his heart would leap out of him and wished it would calm down. It seemed he lost any control of it, ever since he woke up and found himself leaning against the taller nation. He pulled out his phone and saw all the missed calls he received from his boss. He ignored all of them and called the driver from before, who met them at the bottom of the path and drove the two nations back to the space center.

Upon entering the building, the two were bombarded with people scolding them and shoving them to different rooms to get them ready for the Mars trip. Having gotten into their space suits and everything in their capsule, Russia and America found themselves preparing for take off with a few other astronauts and cosmonauts. America looked over at Russia and took the other’s hand as he mouthed the words “You ready?” Russia nodded and held onto the American’s hand as the take off began. Something inside told him that something was going to go wrong, but the Russian didn’t care. He wouldn’t be alone this time; he’d have America with him, right?

[mcnstres]

( casually slides onto the dash ) HEY THERE! i’m s, and yes, it does indeed stand for shithead, and i live in pst. i turned twenty just four days ago so that means three hundred and sixty-one more days until i can legally drink in the united states. cue the confetti poppers. but anyways, i’m v v excited to be here and can’t wait to plot with you all! that being said, hmu if uh, you know, you wanna like, plot or sumthin sumthin. my IMs are open but if that’s not really your style, i also have a discord that i’d happily give out if you ask. but yeah, below the read more is all that jazz, yadda yadda, ye. 

rape tw, abortion tw, death tw

*  ADRIA ARJONA  &  CISFEMALE  / /  here we’ve got BELLE MÁRQUEZ-ROSALES,  the  THIRTY-EIGHT  year old VAMPIRE  -  luckily, SHE  actually looks about TWENTY-FIVE years old.  with a reputation for being  BENIGN,  AUDACIOUS,  CREDULOUS, and  SELF-DEPRECIATIVE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them.  BELLE has been around faulk hollow for 2 WEEKS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear CONFIDENTLY LOST by SABRINA CLAUDIO? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

she was born and raised in grand haven, michigan. her mom had her at 16 and idk where her dad went but uh, he wasn’t in the picture. her aunt was 27 when her mom had her, and she’d already been told she couldn’t have kids, so when belle was born it was kind of a blessing in disguise for her. the mom didn’t really want anything to do with the kid, she was a teenager at the time and was too wacked out over the fact that the baby-daddy vanished. so yeah, her aunt and uncle were basically her parents

never had a good relationship with her mom. also has a lot of half-siblings due to the fact that her mom just wouldn’t stop having kids lol

belle’s always been kind of, idk, perfect?? she was a good baby, quiet, barely ever cried, always sleeping; she was a good kid, remembered her abc’s and times tables in the first few weeks she learned them, never talked back to her tia; she was an exceptionally good teenager, didn’t drink or smoke like the other kids, kept straight a’s, did hella volunteer work, etc. you get the whole gist. she was just... good. she did everything she could to NOT become her mother, and so she worked hard and kept out of trouble

but then when she was 16, belle was raped. it happened after her sophomore homecoming football game; her friend wanted to go to a party to celebrate and belle didn’t want her to go alone so basically she only went to keep an eye on her. long story short, belle found herself locked in a room with a drunk guy and that’s when he took advantage of her. she ended up pregnant afterwards and got an abortion. at first, she was going to keep it because she was raised by a very religious family, that’s partially the reason why she has so many damn half-siblings, but her aunt supported her decision to get the abortion

despite what’d happened to her, belle continued to try and see the best out of her life. she used it as her motivation to get stronger, to get out of grand haven and make a better life for herself. she graduated high school as valedictorian and then ended up going to the university of michigan

she entered college as a human biology major. she wanted to get her phd in gynaecology and eventually join the msf, aka, doctors without borders

life seemed to be going well for her. she fell in love, got into med school, and she just felt like everything was on track

but you know, something bad always has to happen when she thinks everything’s good and dun dun dun she gets turned into a vampire!! she, tommy(da bf at the time), and his sister were ambushed by vampires. while tommy survived, she and his sister were turned. they decided to stay away from him and let him believe they were dead because one, belle couldn’t control her bloodlust for shit and she didn’t want to end up killing him or sumthin, and two, she was ashamed of what she was. she thought he’d see her as a monster. to this day, belle still hasn’t really come to terms with the fact that she’s a vampire

belle and tommy’s sister have basically been moving from town to town, living in a place until blah blah something goes wrong and they have to move again. the last time they had to move from somewhere was because belle almost killed someone, yay. they’ve been in faulk hollow for about 2 weeks now and she isn’t really aware that there are other things besides vampires out there??? like “ghosts??? ghosts aren’t real”

no daylight ring so ya girl stuck in da dark. BUT if there were some kind of witchy woo out there that’d make one for her... that’d like.. be a nice thing to plot out *eye emoji*

totes drinks blood bags. she a bambi lover and drinking from humans is a huge no-no for her because uh surprise she still has problems with her bloodlust

*  THEO JAMES  &  CISMALE  / /  here we’ve got ANDREI OVCHUKHOV,  the  SEVEN HUNDRED AND THREE  year old VAMPIRE  -  luckily, HE  actually looks about THIRTY-SIX years old.  with a reputation for being  ENDEARING,  VIGOROUS,  IMPETUOUS, and INTEMPERATE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them.  ANDREI has been around faulk hollow for FIFTY-FOUR YEARS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear GLORY & GORE by LORDE? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

he was born into a family of farmers in early 14th century russia. he was the eldest out of six children and his parents were simple, kind people. they struggled to make a living out of their harsh environment but always remained optimistic

things only got harder after his father died of disease. he had to take on the role of the “man” in the house and continued to farm, which mind you, was not at all what he wanted to do. he wanted something more out of life, to be something more. he had such ambition but was tied down to a lesser living by his obligation to family

1351, the black death came to russia. the weakest and less fortunate were contaminated first, so it came to no surprise when one by one, his siblings began dying of the plague. first it was his youngest sister, then it was his brother, and so on. the last person to die was his mother. he’d been by their sides the whole time, not caring if he too would get infected, and took care of them all until their last breath

one night, when andrei was sitting alone in the empty little house, a stranger came knocking at his door. it was storming heavily that night and the woman was looking for shelter. he warned her that the plague still lingered in his home, but oddly enough, she didn’t care. he let her stay and during the short time she was there, andrei basically told her his whole life story. she was an unfamiliar face and he was in dire need of letting out all his pain, so who better to tell than a person he probably wouldn’t ever see again? the next morning, she turned him without permission and without hesitation

at first, andrei had doubts about his vampirism. he didn’t like the idea about having to feed off of humans, but after awhile, all those doubts and sense of moral faded away. he realized that being a vampire was what he’d wanted all along - the abilities, the immortality, all of it. he could get anything he wanted and soon that power started to get to his head. that, and the bad influence his maker was on him. they spent his first century as a vampire together, sometimes as lovers, sometimes not, but in either aspect, she always had some kind of hold over him. she introduced him to the wealthier side of life, to over-indulgence, luxury, all that sha-bang. she created the person he is today. but after awhile, things began to get strained between them and their companionship ended rather abruptly(probs pretty violently too ngl) and to this day, andrei still holds hella negative feelings towards the other

after three centuries of taking lover after lover, partying like the world was gonna end, surrounding himself with luxury and wealth, basically living as the dionysus incarnate, he met yelena vladimirovna. he found her absolutely breathtaking and it found it extremely hard to stay away, even after news of her betrothal got around. the night of her wedding, he seduced her with promises of immortality and ever since then, they’ve been together. that’s his boo yo.

they partied hella and lived an extravagant life for the longest, so when they decided to settle down in faulk hollow, it was a huge change for him. he didn’t really like the boring and subtle lifestyle, but let’s be real, he’d probs do anything for yelena so he dealt with it. but fifty-four years later and he’s starting to get real anxious, he might even start killing people randomly because he’s bored and needs something to do lmao

got a daylight ring wayyy back when. also probs gave one to yelena as some kind of “engagement” ring

can be seen strolling around town in gucci and versace because he’s #extra

[lewepstein]

The Challenges of Dealing With Depression, Part 2

Beyond the more conventional and clinical treatments available for depression, there are a number of tools and techniques that come to us from other  disciplines and practices.  And since depression can be viewed as both an illness and a condition that affects body, mind and spirit, it may be helpful to apply a multimodal approach to healing.  I am not recommending self-help as the best approach - in fact a therapeutic relationship may be an essential part of healing for some - but the following suggestions and practices may be a useful supplement to other therapeutic work:

A good place to begin examining depression is by taking a close look at  our relationships.  It is impossible to overstate the positive impact of having satisfying, intimate relationships, strong family connections and a network of close friends with whom we share the narrative of our lives.  If we are suffering from low mood and other depressive symptoms, exploring what is going on in our marriages and our families can be a valuable starting point.  We are used to thinking that depression exists within an individual, but that is often only a part-truth.  The symptoms of lethargy, low self esteem and fatigue, among others are often present and  clearly reported by the person who is labeled, “depressed,”  What may be less apparent is that marriages and entire families can also be depressed.  This may be due to life circumstances, emotional distance, or a lack of participation by a partner or parent that leaves a relationship or an entire family depleted of positive involvement and energy.  When any of us spend time with an unhappy couple it is impossible not to feel their gloom.  The fact that one family member is manifesting the symptoms of depression and has become the “identified patient” may only mean that he or she has  become the symptom bearer for the system.  This is one  reason to consider couple’s counselling, or a family systems approach to therapy.  It provides another lens through which we can understand depression.

When it comes to doing individual work on depression, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be an effective approach.  It has a well documented track record for treating depression and the behavioral part of the work may be a good starting point.  The symptoms of low energy and fatigue that are so often a part of the experience of depression can make it difficult to mobilize one’s self to move or to act.  But activity and movement can be effective antidotes to low energy and the inertia that tends to set in.  Efforts that push against the feelings of lethargy can generate the very energy that is needed to jumpstart one’s engine. Simple tasks are good to complete.  Aerobic activities may be even better. It has been said that where the feet go, the mind and heart will follow.  There are also specific Yoga positions and breathing exercises that many have found helpful and that have been documented as effective measures in several studies. The Yoga texts I recommend that have specific chapters and poses for anxiety and depression are: Yoga for Wellness, Gary Kraftsow and Yoga,The Path to Holistic Health; B.K.S. Iyengar.

Depressed mood is often accompanied by depressive thoughts.  The cognitive work in dealing with depression has much to do with the expression: “Don’t believe everything that you think.”  This is a good general aphorism but strongly applies to thinking while depressed.   Depressive thinking is often shrouded in pessimism which is both a part of the depressive state of mind but also something that perpetuates negative thinking and low mood, creating a downward spiral.  Our thinking and our awareness of where our thoughts can take us is central to the process of healing and change.  If we are able to both accept all of our thoughts as they arise as “just thoughts,” while simultaneously disputing and challenging the veracity of the one’s that are depressive and often not true, then we are using our mind to change our mood.  For a deeper understanding about how to confront helpless, hopeless and worthless thinking, “The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression'' by William Knaus, 2nd edition, is an excellent resource. https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depression-Step/dp/1608823806

Along with our specific thoughts, our broader appraisals and perceptions about what is occurring within us and around us are crucial aspects of emotional health and healing.   Compare the overgeneralization, “Life is meaningless,” with the more nuanced appraisal:  “Life feels meaningless now, but this feeling will pass. It always does.”  Being aware of brittle and black or white appraisals can help introduce people to new perspectives that are especially important when depressed.  Viewing a depressed time of life as a “stack of photos,”-  a period that is both nuanced and variable over the course of a day or a week rather than a solid and unchanging mass of darkness and gloom can generate hope rather than a sense of hopelessness.  The mind can take us on many journeys, but it is important to understand that our perceptions - the ways that we interpret our emotions and experiences -are actually choices that we make and are subject to our conscious control.  

When we are feeling depressed our biology often feels off.  Fatigue and lethargy may accompany increased irritability.  Some have no appetite while others overeat.  Some experience insomnia while others oversleep.

A  key principle in dealing with these depressive sensations and body/mind states has to do with accepting the physical experience without attaching our own “storyline” to what is happening - in other words separating thoughts from sensations.  If we do not catastrophize or make other negative interpretations about what is going on within, the cycle between depressive sensations and depressive thinking tends to abate.  Accepting our sensations without our “add-ons'' helps to challenge what has been called our “emotional reasoning”- assuming that our negative emotions reflect the way things really are.   Acceptance of uncomfortable sensations can also increase our “distress tolerance,” our capacity to be OK even while we are experiencing a low period. We may be experiencing “the blahs,” but we don’t have to give it any additional meaning or power.

“Perfectionism” is clinging to standards that do not allow us to feel “good enough.”  It is tied to the emotional states of fear, anger and depression.  The self talk of someone who is  perfectionistic often includes words like “should” and “must.”  Self worth and self acceptance are often casualties of these perceptions along with positive mood and manageable anxiety.  At the core of perfectionism is usually a harsh “inner critic” - often the voice of a parent or other early authority figure that has become blended with the self.  Work on perfectionism can involve examining one’s “contingent sense of worth,” - feeling valued based mostly on one’s performance. The antidote to a contingent sense of worth is  becoming more aware of one’s  “inherent worth.” -  valuing one’s self unconditionally.  Albert Ellis, one of the leaders in the field of cognitive therapy viewed what he called, “unconditional self acceptance” as the antidote to both perfectionism and depressive tendencies.  Changing from the type of thinking that insists things turn out a certain way, to a more “preferential outlook” - “This is how I prefer things will turn out,” - can be  useful in dealing with one’s  “inner critic.”  There are many good books on overcoming perfectionism.  Stephen Guise’s, “How To Be an Imperfectionist” is top rated and Brene Brown’s, “I Thought it Was Just Me,” explores the connections between perfectionism and shame.

Trauma can be a major component in depression because of the ways that trauma engenders a sense of helplessness.   Trauma is often the result of situations and life events in which our regular mechanism of fight and flight have been overwhelmed or rendered ineffective.  Some of this occurs below the level of our thinking mind.  There are parts of the nervous system that may be left “frozen” and in a state of collapse.   Complex emotional traumas from childhood may require body/mind treatments that go beyond the scope of this article.   The inability to simply be present and the lack of a sense of agency in one’s life are often due to the tug of the past on trauma victims that will not allow them to live mindfully in the present moment.  The very high levels of anxiety and panic that are  connected to trauma can exceed our “window of tolerance” which can leave us feeling immobilized and depressed.  “The Body Keeps The Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk is a good introductory work on the healing of trauma. https://www.besselvanderkolk.com Peter Levine’s  “In An Unspoken Voice,” is an authoritative exploration of  the mind/body connection in the treatment of trauma.  https://www.somaticexperiencing.com

If trauma exerts a force that pulls us out of the present moment, it is precisely this capacity - to remain mindfully in the present and engage in the  practice of meditation that has proven helpful in the treatment of both trauma and depression.  MRI studies have shown that.. “experienced meditators were much more efficient than non-meditating control groups at dropping extraneous thoughts and focusing on the matters at hand when they were bombarded by stimuli…..the simple practice of focusing attention through meditation may help patients suffering from depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other conditions characterized by rumination.”   When we focus on each breath and gently say to ourselves “just thinking” as thoughts arise in our minds, the acceptance of our sensations and the transient nature of our thoughts can become a healing balm.  A comprehensive and methodical gateway into practicing mediation is Sharon Salzberg’s, “True Happiness.”  It is a compendium of wisdom that intersects with the principles of CBT.https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/real-happiness-book/

Perhaps the best healing balm for all of our thoughts and behaviors that may be contributing to and perpetuating depression is our ability to do what psychologist and author Rick Hanson calls “taking in the good.” In his masterwork, “Hardwiring Happiness,”  Hanson combines brain science with Buddhist philosophy to offer a cutting edge method of healing that challenges readers to use their minds to change their brains.  His mental  “exercises,”  have to do with peace, contentment and connection and over time can create a neurological framework that allows gratitude, gladness and personal empowerment to flourish. https://www.rickhanson.net/books/hardwiring-happiness/

Sometimes, the simplest answers to what seems like life’s most complicated emotional problems can be the best.

In the website: The...wisdom...of...the...shamans,  there is a quote by Gabriella Roth:

In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: When did you stop dancing?  When did you stop singing?  When did you stop being enchanted by stories?  When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

.      

[idosurveystovent]

7.

Adam: Is there a secret you’ve tried to hide from everyone for a long time? 

I have a lot of secrets. A lot of stupid shit that I am ashamed of. But nothing really major at all.

Alex: Have you ever been confused about your sexuality? 

no

Alli: What are the best and worst things a significant other has ever done to or for you?

Best: Seth literally saved my life. He got me to sober up from several addictions and he has always loved Makena like she was his biological daughter.  Worst: I am torn in between my first husband walking out on me suddenly because his dad paid him to...orrrrr My second husband that was kinda abusive. One time that sticks out is when he tackled me in his living room in front of his parents, his new girlfriend, my mom and seth (my current fiancé) because I took an ornament off the Christmas tree that I thought belonged to me. No one tried to stop him or did shit about it either. lol

Anya: Have you ever tried drugs? yes.

Ashley: Have you ever changed your image? 

I've dyed my hair, gauged my ears. and that's about it

Becky: Have you ever stepped outside of your comfort zone to do something you thought was right? 

I probably have...but its not something I would typically do. The borders of my comfort zone are STRONG

Bianca: Have you ever experienced an intense event that changed your perspective on something? 

yes

Cam: Have you ever had to stay strong and hold on during something that caused you physical, mental, or emotional pain? 

when my son died. who knew that keeping that shit bottled up is harmful

Chantay: Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? 

I am a terrible gossip. I'm sure its just a matter of time before I lose my job over it. I work with a bunch of dramatic, crybaby 30-40 year olds. its ridiculous 

Clare: Are your parents divorced? 

well not technically yet, I don’t think. they are separated though, since late 2016

Connor: Do you consider yourself intelligent? 

semi intelligent

Craig: Have you ever run away from home?

nope.

Dallas: Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else?
 family (my fiancé and daughter)

Darcy: Have you ever fallen for someone you never thought you’d like?
 yes.

Dave: Have you ever had a very rough breakup? 

sure

Declan: Do you like to date people casually, or do you prefer long-term and exclusive relationships? long term for sure.

Derek: Have you ever judged someone before getting to know them, or the other way around?
 yes.

Drew: Are you athletic or do you play any sports? 

I am like the least athletic person in the world, although I did play softball until middle school

Eli: Do you suffer from any mental disorders?

tons. bi polar, add, depression, anxiety, and PTSD

Ellie: Have you ever self-harmed?

yeah. when I was young and thought it was like cool or something

Emma: What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past?

nothing comes to mind

Fiona: Have you ever tried drinking? 

yea

Holly J: What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? 

nothing really.

Imogen: Do you have any beloved pets?
 yes. a pit-chow that I rescued from the pound when I got sober. we have ashihtzu right now that we are babysitting for my dog that we were thinking about keeping but that tard has pissed in my floor like 20 times since sunday night and I am ready to kill him. and then I brought home a solid black kitten two nights ago. his name is Bagheera

Jake: Are you the outdoorsy type, or would you rather stay inside?

inside

Jane: Have you ever cheated on anyone? 

yes

Jay: Have you ever changed yourself permanently for a guy/girl? nope, I don’t think so

J.T.: What’s something you’ve had to step up and take serious responsibility for?

my daughter of course, my rent, car payment, insurance, credit card bills, groceries, electric, internet, water............

Jenna: Have you ever done something drastic to gain the attention of someone you were interested in? no.

Jimmy: Have you ever forgiven someone that may not have deserved it?yeah. I'm way too fuckin nice

Johnny: Have you ever told a serious lie to anyone?

I'm sure I have

Katie: Are you satisfied with your body image?
 no.

K.C.: How is your relationship with your parents?
 it’s whatever. I don’t really fuck with them as much as I should but their divorce had me majorly fucked up for a minute

Liberty: What do you want to major in in college, and where do you want to go? 

n/a

Luke: What’s your religion? 

baptist

Manny: Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory?
 yes lol

Marco: What’s your sexuality? heterosexual

Marisol: Do you look out for others over yourself, or the other way around?
 i usually put others before myself.

Maya: Have you ever had to deal with the loss of a loved one?
 yes.

Mia: How many kids do you want to have? 

I will only ever have one :( I had a stillborn baby in 2011, had my living daughter in June 2012 and got my tubes tied right after that because they never figured out why Bryson died and also, the pregnancy is extremely rough on me. 8+ months of strict bedrest plus 2 weeks of hospital bedrest, until I have baby. And I have to have surgery with each pregnancy

Miles: What’s the last extravagant purchase you made? 

computer?

Mo: Are you scared of any aspect of the future? 

blah...not really. shit happens. there will be good times and bad times. 

Owen: Have you ever been involved in bullying, whether it was the victim or the bully?
 not really. 

Paige: What’s the number one thing about school that overwhelms you?
 i don’t go to school anymore. I’m 28 lol

Peter: Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of?
 no.

Riley: Is there anything about yourself that you really want to change?
 yes!

Sean: Have you ever gotten into a fistfight?
 no. never been in any real fight, if you don’t count the abusive men I liked to date and the time my mother in law tried to beat me up and throw me off of her tall ass porch

Spinner: Have you ever been seriously ill? no. flu is the worst thing I have ever had

Terri: Has anyone close to you ever hurt you, physically or emotionally?
 emotionally. I have been physically abused before but I would much rather be hit than being told how much I am a lazy piece of shit. bruises and shit heal, but those comments and things that are said when we are mad or drunk or whatever....that shit stick in my brain so much and I can’t get it out and it tortures me to the point that I just want to die because if the person who was supposed to love you says that you are all these things, just imagine what everyone else thinks.

Tori: Have you ever befriended a former enemy? 

idk probably

Tristan: Do you consider yourself up-to-date with all the latest gossip, trends, movies, etc.?
 not really

Wesley: Do you drive? yes.

Winston: Do you feel like people notice you?

I would prefer them not to

Zane: Have you ever had to help someone through a very tough time in their life?
 yes.

Zig: Have you ever liked someone else while you were in a relationship? 

yeah

Zoe: Do you dream of being famous and living the high life, or do you prefer living more quietly and not in the spotlight? living quietly. I would HATE the spotlight

[ardent-x]

Twin Flames energies for 01/01 till 11/01.

As I said I was planning to start doing such collective readings, and here is the first one! I believe those energies will be prominent throughout the whole month, but I will do shorted updates.

DISCLAIMER! By referring to Divine Feminine as she, and Divine Masculine as he, I am by no means referring to genders. It’s simply for the sake of easier and less confusing typing. The energies are not limited to gender, in heterosexual twins they often jump as well. Many times the DF will be experiencing the masculine energies and vice versa. It’s the same with homosexual couples, so yeah. Just wanted to make that clear!

Combined energy of both - 2 of Swords

It’s the moment where both energies are in the state of “What should I do? How should I approach?” Both fall in the state of lack of clarity which often brings to more problems that we create ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to just go with it and have faith it’s for the best, because currently we might not have the bigger picture and might not fully understand why something is happening which might as well put us in a state of fear. The DM and DF are both making important decision in their life. One that are concerned with faith and trust, positivity. It’s about chosing to be open and positive without having the knowledge you might want. She is blindfolded in the picture, which means she doesn’t see clearly, which brings her in the state of wonder… which sword do I pick? What do I say? What do I do? We cannot find the answer to this problem from the same level of consciousness that created that very question.

Current energy of Divine Feminine - Ace of Cups

Divine feminine has risen to a point of renewed energy inside of her, a renewed sense of love and a new understanding of it. A brand new perspective on what love is and how it should look like, one that is very much lacking ego. She is bringing that healing that the divine masculine needs and cannot have without her help. She is ready to give her love without any expectations, doing it for the sake of doing it, for the sake of love itself, unattached to any outcomes.

On the other hand Divine Masculine is in the stage of healing AND manifesting with the Star card. He wants the union as much as the feminine wants it, that should be clear, but sometimes we don’t know how to receive the things we want and manifest and work for. It feels “Too good to be true”. And that’s a phrase that comes from the ego. Who are we to define what’s too good to be true? Is there something in this universe that is TOO GOOD to be true? No of course, it’s our ego that says that. Very much what’s happening with the divine masculine. He is very much questioning himself if he is good enough for his counterpart, if he can provide what she wants and needs, it’s all his ego and fear of not being the best he can be, of which he needs to let go. That’s a huge blockage for the union itself. So here comes the part where the divine feminine needs to be loving and open, and showing her counterpart that there is nothing too good to be true or real, and that he should not operate only from fear. “She can’t be that good, there must be something off.”

The good thing is he is getting there, he is finally acknowledging that blockage and healing it and it’s a massive healing. HUGE! I felt the pull a week ago from my twin, it literally felt like a blockage being released and shattered, and this new energy was able to flow in. Which is perhaps what the DF is experiencing with the Ace of Cups.

How DF sees DM? 10 of Wands. That is to be expected.

For most of DFs we have been acknowledging the tough times our counterparts have been going through. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. It has been rough on them, that I can tell you for sure, partially because the Divine has been really pushing on them, because their resistance can go on forever, and that’s not why we came here. DF is acknowledging the tough period and also the fact he IS working, he IS changing, and working on himself, which is the best damn thing ever. And she is being patient and compassionate, understanding and supportive of the process. It’s all he has wanted from his counterpart during this time. Understanding and patience.

How DM sees the DF? Justice. Well that’s quite interesting.

I believe for some DMs have sort of build that “divine” image for their twins, which is not bad, but that really interferes with their ego. He sees her much as this almost unrealistic creature that has achieved balance and happiness in her life, that is whole and can manage on her own, that is just and fair on a very deep soul level, hence where her unconditional love comes from. He acknowledges also how much the divine feminine challenges him to become better in every aspect of his life, to achieve the perfect balance we all look for. To find the firm base in which he will be able to feel secure and unbreakable and provide the things he wants to provide to his feminine.

How DF sees the connection? 2 of Pentacles.

Many of the feminines I feel have been going back and forth, because at times it feels like we are the only ones “caring” for this connection. As if we are the only ones doing all the work, all the support, and we receive nothing, and we trying to juggle literally with what we have. That’s very much tied to the 2 of swords. It looks and feels like that because we lack the knowledge. But I don’t believe this is true. I believe DM is doing a lot of work on his side, it’s just invisible to us as of YET for a reason. Ask yourself, do you really NEED to receive? Don’t you have ENOUGH inside of you to be willing to just give with no expectations? Of course!

And in a sense many divine feminines have finally found the perfect balance of giving their attention to the connection and their personal life, it’s the perfect balance that makes them not obsessing over the connection, nor being clingy, but also giving enough to NOT neglect the connection.

How DM sees the connection? Page of Swords.

I kinda feel that for most DMs the relationship is starting to be real but only in his head as of now. He is starting to accept and acknowledge this possibility and is kind of getting comfortable with it from a far. As if the union is now happening “in his head” which is more likely said on a mental and soul level. But he isn’t quite there yet. Patience is needed, as DM is integrating this information on many levels.

What DF brings to the connection? 9 of wands

Well aren’t we that? The wounded warriors, that still stand their ground, willing to protect what’s theirs and what’s true. Having faith that is. And yes we have been wounded, it hasn’t been easy on us either, but here we are fighting for and protecting this connection! I feel like most DFs are in a “warrior state” so to speak. They have channeled immense inner strength that helps them move forward also helps their twin a lot!

Combined with what DM brings to the connection - 9 of cups - it’s very much about us as individuals coming together. I feel like the energies have swapped a little to be honest, but thats not uncommon at all. It’s much like now the DM is bringing the emotional side, the insecurities, the wishes so to speak, cos isn’t that what most DFs have wished for? Their twin finally opening up emotionally and being vulnerable. So now we are taking the role of the protector, the nurturer and carer, the one who is strong enough in themselves to welcome the other part that needs that reassurance and support.

Divine feminines however are faced up with an ego battle. Strength that fell with the 6 of wands. It’s all about ego here. Most of us came at the point of … well yeah okay I really am strong, so then do I even need this? Like, why am I even wasting my time here, when I feel like I don’t need this anymore? It just feels tiring and like I’m doing most of the work, so if he can’t step up his game, then not my problem.

Those are questions many of us face, and they come from a very deeply rooted ego, very well masked one. I call it the twin ego, the shadow ego. It’s one lightworkers and more ascended souls are now begining to face. It’s the ego that’s masking itself as something good, something spiritual, but if you dig deep enough, you will see it comes from another place of fear. Knowledge is power and is dangerous, so the knowledge we have might help us bend our own truth and reality as we want it to, but it’s important to have ego check from time to time, and see if your reality really comes from a place of love and not fear. And the divine feminine will be the first wave to feel this new hit/upgrade.

Love and compassion are Strength and Victory. Because it does take a lot of strength to not become egoic when you have it all and don’t really need anything. Isn’t that what we were fighting for? To become whole by ourselves. Well now, that you have became whole, how do you deal with that? It’s a food for thought. :)

The divine masculine on his side is being challenged with Hermit energies. He is at the point where he realizes IT’S TIME for something to happen, for some sort of connection, physical, 3D one. He realizes it’s time he “stepped up” his game, make himself present and stand tall in front of his feminine counterpart and say “HEY! I AM HERE!”. Before he was hiding a lot in the shadows, trying to make himself invisible, unknown, because he wasn't ready to follow up with an action, now that he is clearing and healing, he is starting to have this inner pull towards his feminine. Having this inner PUSH to act and do something. THis itself is a challenge he needs to face, and break the wall he has build around his comfort zone, otherwise there is no way to let his twin inside.

And the outcome. *drumrolls* Hierophant.

So, shit, unions are really happening. I’ve been hearing this for a month and I was like “Blah, bs, fluffy crap, nothing IS happening.” but well that was my ego battle x). I am starting to feel a shift and huge movement indeed, and I do hear of and FEEL quite a lot of twins coming together, and it’s beautiful! It’s exciting and it’s almost like a drug haha. This is a confirmation that unions are here, BLESSED by the divine. We have done so much work on an emotional and spiritual level that now it’s time to move forward, and be gifted with the physical connection, so we can enjoy it fully. <3

Good job, collective! Stay awesome!

[laymlone-blog]

Rant #2 (13.1.20) Identifying and Defying

Every Indigenous person defines their Indigeneity differently. Yeah it’s about who claims you, but it’s also a spiritual thing. Country never forgets you. 

I can stick up for my Mobs and Countries, but that’s it. 

There’s other Blakfellas who try to claim for being from home when they’re not. 

Yeah it pisses me off, but overall it makes me fucking sad. 

Like you’re Blak! It’s obvious, but you don’t know the name of your Country. 

I’m sorry, but you don’t have the authority here and you don’t have the right to access cultural knowledge without permission. 

Being Blak means respecting Country. 

You respect the people of the Country. 

The land you live on belongs to a people. 

The entire fucking continent of Austraia is divided up hundreds of times. 

Colonisation has stolen you from the arms of your mother, and you’re reaching out to claim a new mother; but she already has children and you’re not one of hers. But you can be looked after and you can help look after her. 

But if you know the name of your Mother, or where she is - go find her. 

She has YOUR stories and identity. 

You can’t have my mum. 

***

When people claim to be from a place they have no family ties to, they’re objectifying Country. 

They’re not seeing Country as an entity that thinks, feels and talks - they’re seeing it as something you can take. 

***

If you don’t have the connections to people, if you don’t know the Elders, if you don’t know what’s happening with Mob - then you aren’t a part of them.

Blakfellas work like that. News travels fast. Everyone knows where everyone lives. 

Fuck me, most people knows each other’s pay day in community. 

If you don’t know the people, and the people don’t know you: don’t you dare say you’re from that place.

***

If you’re Blak and grew up on a land that isn’t yours you still aren’t from there. Otherwise Non-Indigenous people can say the same fucking thing. 

You have a place. Your Country/Countries know you. You’re disrespecting your Country if you claim another. You’re disrespecting yourself and your Ancestors too. And you’re definitely disrespecting Mob. 

You can say “I have a connection to this place because it looked after me.” which is different from saying: “I grew up here so I am from here.” That’s fucking gross. 

***

And you can say “I have Aboriginal ancestry” but that doesn’t mean you’re Aboriginal. It doesn’t mean you’ve faced systems head on like your Ancestor or Mob who currently do. 

It doesn’t mean you have cultural knowledge or spiritual connection. 

You’ve lived your life with that as a side fact about you. It’s not your essence. It’s not the core of your identity. 

I was born Aboriginal and I’ll die Aboriginal. 

It’s never been a thing I found out later in life. 

Every Blakfella lives as a Blakfella. 

There’s no escaping or running away from who you are. 

If you can’t stand up and say “My name is …, and I am Blak!” then don’t bother mentioning who your great, great grandparent was. 

***

In that aspect, respect your Ancestors and give support to Mob who have the knowledge and practices going.

Focus your attention to helping them do better. 

Give before you receive. 

You can’t just bust open the door and be like “Hi my name is BLAH and I am Black but I didn’t know that until three days about, teach me how to be Black!” 

You shut the fuck up. You sit the fuck down and listen. 

We need support. We fight everyday to protect our Countries and our lives by keeping culture alive and learning about the world. 

You wanna connect with your Ancestor - make them proud. 

Help the Mob where you are, retrace your history and take baby steps. 

Remember we grew up as Blak. It took me years to grow my identity. I’ve been listening since day 1, and been experiencing Blakness straight outta my mum. 

You need to invest time and effort too. It’s not that fucking easy. 

[paxgalra-blog]

Headcanons

Since I gotta study tonight, I’ll post this monster that’s been sitting in my drafts. All of this is subject to change; just spitballing here. I’ll make a headcanon-specific page at some point. I need a new theme anyway, so blah...maybe when I get around to making or commissioning that..

NATURAL APPEARANCE. Lotor can shapeshift extensively, though it took him a long time to develop this ability to its full potential (see heritage below). As a child, he was skillful enough to change his skin tone, hide his Altean markings, make his mouth shape more Altean, and hide the ridges of cartilage which interrupt his hair at two or three points. He maintains that simple transformation as his ‘default’ as an adult for a variety of reasons. It doesn’t take energy to maintain a simple transformation, just to initially transform, so he doesn’t return to his genetically ‘natural’ form when unconscious or weak. He can shift to look entirely like a Jekan Galra (subspecies stolen because it’s a fantastic idea from ograndsovereign) like Zarkon, entirely Altean like Honerva, entirely human, or a variety of other alien species, and can mix features freely. It can be intimidating. He doesn’t bother with this very much, stubbornly presenting himself as the hybrid he is.

RETRACTABLE CLAWS. As implied by animation in canon, Lotor’s hands and feet have claw-like nails which retract and extend like a cat’s. When he is relaxed, they’re usually in, his hands looking almost human. When threatened, they extend. He can control the claws on his hands, but not those on his feet.

REDEMPTION. The show can’t and won’t give him a redemption arc yet. Putting aside all joking about Lotor being another Zuko, how can a character be redeemed when we don’t even know what he’s doing yet? Even after we discover what his overarching plans are, we need to see him break down and question his most fundamental values before he can even begin down that path.

NARTI. What Lotor did was logical, but not morally justifiable. We’re still unclear on his feelings about her death and his other generals’ subsequent betrayal, though it seemed he was as upset as we’ve ever seen him. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who shouts or throws things or cries. Silent grief may be all he expresses.

MORALITY. There is little canon information about Lotor’s inner workings.  My interpretation is that Lotor’s alignment is true neutral: a self-serving, goal-oriented, flexible person who turns any situation he’s thrown into to his advantage. Though he considers himself an outcast and a rebel to his people, the cultural norms of the Galra are ingrained in his mind, so he inevitably judges based on that criteria (which may vary by verse, of course, but by default are nihilistic and gray and almost Lacedaemonian). He doesn’t commit evil acts randomly, and he doesn’t lack any sort of moral center: it’s just a very foreign way of thinking because he’s a goddamn alien from a militaristic society who also may have had a traumatic upbringing.

HERITAGE. Though his appearance is a fluid mixture of Altean and Galran features, he does not remember meeting any Alteans and grew up without Altean cultural influences. For all practical purposes, he is mentally and socially entirely Galra...if a bit of a subversive counter-culture type. He learned to use Altean abilities, like shapeshifting and manipulating quintessence, with great difficulty and only after decaphoebs of trial and error.

MOTHER. Lotor does not know Haggar is his mother. He knows his mother was Honerva, and he’s aware of her research and vaguely of how it killed her. He doesn’t know the full story of what happened afterwards and believes his mother permanently dead. He has no memory of her. Growing up with stories of Honerva, he loves her anyway, and is determined to honor her by never hiding his status as a hybrid.

FATHER. Lotor saw little of his father as a child. He doesn’t know whether this is because of a lack of caring, a norm within their family line, or because Zarkon doesn’t like to be reminded of Honerva. Being the emperor, everyone in Lotor’s life worried about what Zarkon would think, hoped to win his favor, and feared his wrath. As a child, Lotor internalized these observations into a hope for his father’s approval and love, which he never seemed to receive. Now that he’s an adult, this relationship has only grown more complex.

AGE. There are two main theories I subscribe to on this blog, because they’re both enjoyable to RP. First, and the one I think is most likely canon: Lotor is a test tube baby created with genetic material from Honerva and Zarkon before their deaths. He is the Galran/Altean equivalent of about mid-twenties to thirty. Second, which I don’t believe is canon but is very entertaining, is that Lotor is a few years younger than Allura and was born before his parents’ deaths, though his mother was already quite ill. He doesn’t know what happened to them, other than that his mother died (permanently, as far as he knows), because he was a young teen and at the Academy, cut off from his family, when it happened. Time dilation and cryogenics have prevented him from aging very much, and he’s still about mid-twenties to thirty.

CHILDHOOD. (This is heavily headcanoned, and I don’t expect other Galran characters to adhere to this. If you don’t, I’ll work with you and will never inflict my personal headcanons on your character if you don’t want them.) Like all Galran children of the highest classes, Lotor was sent away to the military academy at age seven to become a professional soldier. Lesser classes may sometimes serve in the military, but they don’t become officers above a certain rank, and it’s a job, not their life’s work. In order to support the highest ranks being full time military, populous slave and servant classes do the work of agriculture, manufacturing, trade, and maintenance. To Lotor, this seems like a natural order. Without the influence of his Altean mother, he isn’t particularly aware of any other system, except those of worlds which were easily crushed by the Empire. It ties in to the meritocratic beliefs which were instilled in him: their system is the best, because their system is dominant. After many years of education in all aspects of command, strategy, tactics, weaponry, piloting, a solid body of scientific knowledge, literature, history, and a variety of other subjects, he earned his place as an officer and a citizen of the Galra Empire, just like everyone else. Like most citizens, he is proud of this accomplishment, even when he disagrees with tenets of the system it’s part of.

[thievinimp]

This question’s been sitting in my askbox for WEEKS now, apologies for taking so long to respond to this!

To preface this post it’s important to note: I’m not a professional, and don’t have professional experience.  All thoughts are based on personal opinion, preference, and prior experience designing characters for personal projects!

Click the jump for a big post with me rambling about character designs I do and don’t like, and why I do/don’t like them!

So several months ago I went on a tirade about character designs in all these big multiplayer games coming out.  You know the ones!  Overwatch, Battleborn, Battlerite, Gigantic, Splatoon, etc. etc., there’s a thousand of these released every few months it feels like.  At any rate, one of the big draws for all of these titles are the characters you control in them obviously.  Partially thanks to the success of MOBAs like League of Legends and DOTA 2 we’ve seen more and more focus on games with these characters referred to as “heroes” and “champions”.  While this should be really exciting for a lot of those who are interested in the character design aspect of titles such as these (like me!), I feel as though a lot of them miss the mark for one reason or another.

There’s several important aspects to designing a character, I believe the most important are all tied to their shape/silhouette.  Ornate details and color are important, but in terms of character design hierarchy, a good shape will trump all other details.  A silhouette is what you’re gonna see first always, you might acknowledge decorations or color choice first, but your brain is focused on the outline they’ve got.  This is where my problem lies with a lot of these games (which stems from my love of diverse shapes and sizes in these rosters.).  Most of these games feature characters with proportions that don’t stray too far from reality as to not scare people away with stuff that’s too unfamiliar, or in some cases “too cartoony”.

For example, let’s take a look at some Overwatch’s characters for a moment.

Here we’ve got a small sampling of characters from 2016′s GAME OF THE YEARRRRR: Overwatch.  Notice something with these 5?  They’re a bunch of people in fancy costumes, coupled with some stock personalities.  This isn’t a diss at the art itself (courtesy of Blizzard artist Arnold Tsang), the art itself is great.  These characters are the result of focus testing to reach as broad of an audience as possible.  They are played as safely as possible as to not offend with their depictions of race, and are shaped in ways that are very safe to people who don’t typically play video games too much, let alone first person shooters.  I think this is boring.  They didn’t play around with the different characters shapes to identify them better, instead we’ve got a few very similar body types dressed and animated differently (the in-game animations are actually really good, and I don’t want to discredit Blizzards work on a lot of the character animations).

Now, that’s not to say Overwatch is riddled with designs I perceive as boring, I think there’s a couple strong, unique designs in the game that actually look good, one of which stands above the rest.  Look at this big asshole:

This is Roadhog.  This is a character with a clear, concise concept and idea that’s executed as perfectly as they could within the constraints they have with the characters.  He has an immediately recognizable shape, he’s decorated appropriately, every aspect of him visually conveys what he is and who he is.  He’s big, he’s bad, and he’s ugly (in the best possible way).  They really went all out with this particular design, and it saddens me a lot of the other characters feel under-cooked compared to him thanks to how safe they played it with most of the cast.  SHOUTOUTS TO Reinhardt, Reaper, Torbjorn and Zenyatta for doing their best to break the mold as well.

With Overwatch out of the way let me gush for a minute about Gigantic.

This is a game that gets it, the people at Motiga have created a colorful, diverse cast of characters in terms of shape and size and they’re each immediately recognizable from just their silhouettes.  They’ve gone with more stylized and unconventional shapes not typically seen in MOBAs (LoL, DOTA, etc) or games like Overwatch, Paladins or Battleborn.  Let’s get a sample of Gigantic’s characters.

Look at this!  Look at how much they’ve stylized the proportions, how unafraid they are to make characters with these shapes.  The little round man, the hulking armored juggernaut, the top-heavy bull, the short and squat witch, and the elegant and mysterious masked warrior: all with completely unique bodies.  Not only are they shapes unique, the colors used throughout either support aspects of the character, or are used masterfully to break up the color in ways ideal for 3D character animations.  The animations in-game are incredible as well, every single character oozes personality through just their movements and designs!

Unfortunately, characters like these don’t appeal to everyone.  They aren’t as immediately appealing as the Overwatch cast due to their unorthodox shapes and stylized bodies.  Some will deem them “too cartoony”, others will insist the characters are “ugly” because they aren’t familiar with characters stylized like this.

Overwatch and Gigantic are going for two completely different looks overall, and especially with their characters.  But there’s one comparison I want to make that demonstrates the philosophies behind both, but more importantly shows why Gigantic’s direction is so strong.

These are Zarya, and Zandora, respectively

Zarya is the absolute weakest design in Overwatch.  She’s an awkward mashup of shapes that convey absolutely nothing.  She’s got big arms and a short haircut to clue players in on how powerful she is.  She totes around a big gun too, ain’t that somethin’?

Zandora is what Zarya’s design should have been in several ways.  Her power isn’t overstated with a bevy of cheap visual cues slapped onto something that’s just “large”.  Her power is communicated through the strong shapes that make up Zandora: the top heavy armor, the overall wider build, big in-your-face hair, and a sword that was crafted to compliment her.  What might be most notable is her star-shaped silhouette.  It’s handled so tastefully and executed perfectly.  I want to say that her design is by Devon Cady-Lee, who also did these illustrations below that show how good that idea looks on paper as well:

Gigantic is paragon of quality among a sea of games full of safe, boring marketable designs made to attract the largest possible crowds.  It pains me knowing this game won’t reach the same success Overwatch will partly because of how visually distinct this title is.

While I clearly have a bias towards Gigantic, I will admit Overwatch as a whole is mostly competent.  The character designs serve their purposes, even if I happen to think they’re boring.

What about those other games?  Here’s a game that I’ve enjoyed playing recently: Battlerite.

Battlerite is a top-down arena brawler.  One might call it a MOBA, but it’s a team deathmatch game sort of.  Your goal is to defeat the enemy team in a first to 3, 2v2/3v3 match.  You moved with WASD and you’ve got keys for abilities, vaguely similar to games like LoL or DOTA 2 in a way.

Battlerites case is very much “we want the MOBA crowd”.  This sounds like a really lazy descriptor that lacks any value, but hear me out:  Battlerite is the spiritual success to a game just like it called Bloodline Champions that came out a few years ago.  Here’s a sampling of characters from Bloodline Champions:

Bloodline Champions is a game with a unique, clear visual identity.  Whether or not you like it, it’s clearly something wholly unique in terms of color and how they’ve decorated their characters.  Weird shapes (top left, top right) as well as familiar ones with distinct ornate details (bottom two).  They all adhere to colors that the games overall aesthetics thrive from, it’s very gritty and twisted.

SO WHAT DO YOU MEAN “WE WANT THE MOBA CROWD”???  JERK

This is what I mean.  The first character showed off that wasn’t a direct adaptation of a bloodline champions character was Pearl.  Here’s Pearl:

Pearl is the epitome of the differences between Bloodline Champions and Battlerite’s character designs.  Half-baked ornate details because without them, the characters would end up more generic than they already are.  Battlerite’s cast is comprised of archetypal MOBA character stand-ins.  They’re boring, and hollow uninspired renditions of characters that had a lot more style in a previous life.  Here’s some really boring Battlerite characters:

BLAH.  They’ve got the Overwatch “problem” but even worse.  These guys really just look like cosplayers doing characters that don’t exist.  Staff man.  Sickle man.  Gun woman.  These designs convey nothing beyond what you see.  I don’t mind cool characters for the sake of cool characters, I’m the last person to complain about it, but Battlerite really tests that for me.  The in-game camera doesn’t do these designs or models any favors too, unfortunately.  There’s a single very standout design among the roster.

This is Pestilus.

He’s shaped strange.  He’s round, he’s got really stubby limbs, and he’s got these big bug legs on his back.  Pestilus is cool!  Lookit’ his gnarly teeth, wowie.  Unfortunately the in-game model doesn’t do him justice:

He’s paler, his teeth are simplified and lack the character his chompers had in the above illustration.  I still like this one, he’s in a league of his own compared to most of the rest of the cast.  HONORABLE MENTIONS GO TO RUH KAAN AND ASHKA:

I’ve said that the worst thing a character design can be is mediocre.  Not good enough, not bad enough.  Battlerite rides slightly above that line.  There’s a few interesting characters here and there.  Some have unique silhouettes (Ashka, Ruh Kaan, Pestilus and Rook) and most server their purpose.  They’re boring, but they’re not aggressively boring/mediocre.  That line of design goes to a little game called. . .

Paladins: Wizards of the Coast or whatever the fuck the subtitle is

Chinese bootleg overwatch.  A game that was trying to be a bit unique before a lot of changes were made to match a similar, “hero”-based shooter game where you push payloads and capture points.  This is a game with aggressively boring characters.  The characters are in this game because if you had none, you wouldn’t have anything to play as.  They’re crude facsimiles of better looking, more thought-out characters and designs.  Here’s a sampling of these lot of losers.

These characters are nothing.  Their silhouettes are bland.  You’re either big, small or medium with no rhyme or reason.  You have a gimmick.  Your colors don’t serve much purpose beyond “we needs color-keys to recolor for skins”.  Very rarely are they in service of the shapes in question, or to break up monotony in big stretches of solid color.  The knight on the left is dull as dull can be.  Sure, knights are done to death but good lord they’ve really found a way to try and make him exciting but failed miserably thanks to:

A silhouette that is nothing beyond “TALL MAN”

Colors that are gray all over, his armor is supposed to be metallic but the textures and shading do it no favors.  The yellow in there doesn’t do enough in breaking it up because they’re only along the trim of each armor piece.

His shield doesn’t compliment him, it’s an obligation.  He has a lance, he needs a shield, and not one that works in conjunction with anything solid.

There’s a single design in Paladins that I don’t think is the absolute most mediocre thing in the industry: Bomb King.

He’s big and loud both visually and personality wise.  He’s got a standout silhouette, and colors used mostly tastefully to break up his main blue coat.  Bomb King doesn’t look like he belongs in this game, and is strangely. . .  Toyetic.  I kind of like Bomb King.

Paladins is mediocre.  Paladins is very unimaginative and dull, the most recent characters are some of the most unmemorable I’ve seen in recent times, when it comes to these games.  While Paladins is mediocre, at the very least it isn’t. . .

COMPLETE, IRREDEEMABLE SHIT.

ENTER: BATTLEBORN-

Battleborn is a game that isn’t aggressively boring, it’s aggressively ugly.  It’s annoying.  It’s messy, it’s loud, it’s busy.  Battleborn is garbage.  This game is rife with characters that convey nothing, silhouettes that are awkward and make no sense who are modeled in one of the most unappealing looking games of the past 5 years.  This one is so bad I really don’t want to post a sample of characters because I hate looking at 99% of the roster, but I have to. . .  I have to. . .  Here’s a sampling of Battleborns characters. . .  eugh. . .

Do you like any of these designs?  Legitimately curious.  Unnappealing shapes, ugly facial features, completely mangled details that are hard to make out, poorly balanced silhouettes. . .  There’s so much wrong with all of these designs.  Some of the ones in the game wildly stylize proportions, mostly very poorly, some are very restrained and more realistic, some are complete abominations like the monster in the upper left: Attikus.

It’s worth singling out Attikus because his concept art has something very interesting behind it:  He didn’t look like complete fucking shit, his shapes were solid and his silhouette would’ve worked perfectly, but they seemingly went out of their way to get the ugliest possible outcome they could achieve. See below, Attikus thumbnails:

These are all so much more sound than the final product.  Why didn’t they go with any of these four beyond “We gotta make it uglier to fit in with everything else!”.  While still asymmetrical, the shapes here tell you he’s powerful and ready to rip and tear through every living thing in his path to victory.  That final Attikus looks like it tried to go with something weirdly proportioned like some of the Gigantic characters, but with a fresh coat of grime.

At no point has this stream-of-conscious post has been about nitty gritty things like facial features but Thorn looks vile:

There are no honorable mentions for Battleborn.  The very best of the bunch is still very boring and half baked.  They’re plain, and that’s really it.  They don’t assault your eyeballs with how putrid and gaudy they are, which, by default, makes them the best.

One thing worth nothing is that there are piece of concept art here and there that actually look great, but are put through Battleborns poor “World of Warcraft” + “Disney Infinity” + GREASE filter don’t look nearly as good.  The one I like most is this rendition of one of the first DLC characters, Pendles.  Here’s the piece in question:

Very lovingly rendered.  I don’t want to talk about Battleborn any more.  I’m sick of looking at it.

Anyways, there’s some insight on what I think does and doesn’t work in the form of this weird stream-of-consciousness, giant post.  Feel free to ask more and I’ll weigh in on it as poorly as I did here!  I’d love to hear what everyone has to say about these games and their character designs, and what you like most about the, as well as what you like least about them!

[swanqueenproof]

The Final Proof

*A lot of people have come up with this theory, but it’s so perfect I had to write it down.

They say you learn the most from your mistakes. Mine came as I was watching “Murder Most Foul” and Charming said this:

I hadn’t really been paying enough attention to realize that he was talking about the sleeping curse that the Evil Queen had placed on him and Snow, so my mind immediately went to: What other curse needs to be broken? Luckily for me there is another curse that needs to be broken. Many of you know this, but it’s the curse that is keeping everyone in Storybrooke.

What we don’t realize is which part of the curse is still active. It’s not the dark aspects of the Dark Curse - that was broken by Emma as was prophesied/dictated by Rumpelstiltskin. No, it’s the other part that the pesky imp created that is trapping everyone here still.

The Savior curse. Think about it. The only reason Emma Swan is the Savior is because Rumplestiltskin made it so. In theory, Emma was no longer supposed to be the Savior after she broke the Dark Curse. Everyone was supposed to go back to where they were from, but that didn’t happen. Which means what? That portion of the curse, that tiny little drop, is a curse all in itself, and it too needs to be broken. When it is, Emma’s fate as the Savior will be broken; she will live.

Now you ask: But Emma was given the Shears of Destiny or whatever to cut herself from her fate and no longer be the Savior and she didn’t take it!

Well, we know how Rumple’s curse works right? A pair of pretty scissors wouldn’t break this curse because only one person has that power: Emma herself.

We’ve come full circle. Once upon a time Adam and Eddy pitched the idea that the curse would take seven years to fully break. Now we’ve reached that point. Once Emma breaks the Savior curse, Rumple’s spell that he placed on her life will break. Her Hero’s Journey will be complete, and she will return to her life in the real world, where no one needs her to protect them.

(I’ll come back to this in a minute)

So we know what needs to happen. Here I take it a step further and answer:

How?

It turns out that we have that answer too:

Ah yes. True Love. Here’s where I know I’ll lose half of you because “Once Upon a Time is obsessed with Captain Swan. Why can’t you see that, you’re blinding yourself, stop perpetuating nonsense, wake up blah blah blah blah.”

Well, I’m going to counter that with: Why is Emma still the Savior then? If Once Upon a Captain Swan is genuinely the entire point of this show, why is Emma still fated to die?

Answer: You can’t break a curse where you’re the Savior of the fairytale characters with one of the said fairytale characters.

Here you respond again with: “Well, Smartypants, you call yourself a Swan Queen shipper, but you’ve just contradicted yourself. You think the Evil Queen can break the curse with Emma? She’s a fairytale character too!”

Well, reader, you are very clever indeed. But shall I provide you with my next exhibit:

While it was super fun to watch, Split Queen was not just done for the optics. It was a setup for endgame. The Evil Queen may be a fairytale character, but Mayor Regina Mills (like Emma and Henry) is a completely original creation of our world. Which means, like Emma, the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White, she can live a completely normal life outside of the Enchanted Forest.

I was trying to figure out the purpose behind bringing Wish Robin Hood back, and this line really explains it:

The writers are priming us for a much bigger version of this concept. Robin is the first test of the portal system. Will it allow someone who isn’t supposed to be “real” stay in the “real world”? We know Storybrooke, by our standards, isn’t a real place, it’s a refuge for fairytale characters from many realms, so it makes sense that he passes the test in this case, but what about Regina? Will she, a person who isn’t supposed to be real, be allowed to live somewhere like Boston or New York if Storybrooke doesn’t exist. This first trial proves that yes, she will be able to because something about her is connected to our world (that thing is literally the writers themselves). They have Regina grapple with this issue- Why was wish Robin able to come here?- because she’s next, and she needs to know that she’ll be okay when she tries to stay in this world.

If Regina remains unconnected to the Evil Queen, she should be able to help Emma break the curse and remain in this reality. Will it really be True Love’s Kiss that frees Emma from the Savior Curse and sends everyone to where they belong?

I would hope.

I also hope that I’ll find $2000 on the street tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen.

But it’s certainly the most reasonable solution since literally every curse is broken with True Love’s Kiss…

Have you ever wondered why there’s never been a True Love’s Kiss with Emma & her parents or Emma with Hook? Perhaps part of that is because True Love’s Kiss can only work with people who are from the same reality. Since Regina had True Love’s Kiss with Henry, that means she’s a part of his reality. Part of her belongs in our world. Emma has never shared True Love’s Kiss with Hook because he isn’t a part of her reality. He’s still a fairytale character. They can get married, she can choose that life, but that means she will remain tied to her fate as the Savior. She will always be connected to the Fairytale world. She will eventually die for them.

But if somehow, Regina Mills is Emma’s true True Love; if two “real people” who were created in this world- Emma Swan the bail bonds person, and Regina Mills the Mayor- shared True Love’s Kiss (not saying they’ll make it gay like they should) then the entire curse could be broken.

I just don’t see any other way they could go with this. The show has always foreshadowed that Storybrooke isn’t supposed to last.

We know there’s going to be a “reset” for the show…

And we know that Regina is no longer connected to the Evil Queen. Everything is setting up for the fairytale characters to return to their world.

But what happens next?

A good story always comes full circle, but the hero returns home with more knowledge and is in a better place. Odysseus goes on a crazy journey with a bunch of messed up shit but eventually makes it back home. Dorothy wishes she could experience life over the rainbow, but when she does, she learns that there’s no place like home. Harry Potter steps onto Platform 9 ¾ for the first time alone, and in the last book he steps on with a family. So if in the Pilot we see Emma in her lonely Boston apartment, wishing on a star to no longer be alone, it only makes sense that the last time we see her, she’s in her Boston apartment but she isn’t alone- she has a family.

We know Henry will be a part of that family, but it’s safe to assume that Regina will be there too, because of this promise:

Unfortunately all magic comes with a price, and my prediction is that price will be that everyone forgets that any of this ever happened.

I’m grounding this theory in the fact that the last time there was a reset, that happened to half of the parties involved: Emma and Henry 

In that scenario, the Dark Curse was destroyed. The Dark Curse’s purpose was to create Storybrooke, so once it was gone, Emma and Henry forgot that Storybrooke ever existed… But everyone in the Enchanted Forest still remembered Emma and Henry because the Savior Curse still existed- they all remembered the Savior. They were able to go back and get her and recreate the bridge between our worlds because Emma was still the Savior. Once the Savior Curse is gone, everything will be wiped out. Everyone will forget that the Savior existed, and why she existed. All the fairytale characters will return to their world where their stories will play out, and all the characters from our world will begin to lead a normal life.

That life for Emma and Regina could very well be together. It’s not guaranteed, but it would certainly explain why the writers have made an effort to keep Emma and Regina apart in Storybrooke while maintaining a certain amount of tension between them- because their story isn’t meant to play out in Storybrooke. It would also explain why it’s not a topic of conversation for any of the writers or actors- it’s a major plot point,  and talking about it would be a spoiler. Lastly, Adam Horowitz said himself that they weren’t queerbaiting:

If they’re planning on having Regina be a part of Emma’s new life free from the Savior curse, then technically this isn’t a lie.

But could they make it so that Emma and Regina’s relationship is merely as platonic co-parents in the real world? Of course. But at the end of the day we would still be right: Swan Queen would still technically be endgame, and it’s still a hell of a lot better than Captain Swan.