#just because someone made fun of him on the internet or in high school

[animaldamnation]

Fat men that mock and degrade fat women should be hunted for sport.

[missaengg]

An Innocent Question

Day 27 of Kinktober: Visions of Temptation hosted by @xxsycamore found here Featuring: Love and Deepspace | Caleb x f!reader Tags: mdni, smut, pwp, alternate universe - college, friends with benefits, cunnilingus, fingering, finger fucking, making out, p in v sex, caleb being a sexy little shit Prompts: Casual Sex/FWB | “Come here. I'll make it all better.” A/N: Yeee~ Finally wrote one for Caleb :) ao3 link here.

It started with an innocent question.

You were in Caleb’s dorm room, perched on his bed after you raced over the moment you finished moving in.

“Hey, Caleb, is it true that the average penis is between five and six inches long?”

You’d read that somewhere on the internet, and who better than Caleb, a man with a penis himself, to answer the question?

Caleb choked on his drink, spraying soda on his dorm room carpet that had definitely seen better days. “Pipsqueak, did ya just ask me about penises?”

“Yeah, I read it somewhere on the internet, and I was wondering if it was true.” You nonchalantly shrugged, confused as to why he was making such a big deal out of your question. “I mean, you have a penis, you should know, right?”

Caleb looked at you like you’d lost your goddamn mind. It was unnerving… how he was just staring at you without uttering a single word.

“You don’t have to be so weird about it,” you huffed.

“I’m not being– Pipsqueak, why’re ya asking me about penises?” Caleb asked, still eyeing you strangely.

“Six inches just seems like a lot, that’s all,” you said annoyed. “Whatever, forget I said anything.”

Caleb was still eyeing you with that strange look in his eyes when his expression shifted, a sudden thought dawning on him. “Pipsqueak, are ya a virgin?” he asked incredulously.

Of course he made it sound like it was this horrible thing to be one.

“N–no!” you blurted out, your cheeks burning.

Technically, you weren’t. A virgin, that is. You had a high school boyfriend who was your first and only experience in that realm, but the two of you had been inexperienced teenagers fumbling your way through the mechanics of sex, and well… it had been underwhelming to put it nicely. You’d always heard how fun sex could be, but you’d never experienced it yourself, and you were curious about how it might feel with someone different… someone more experienced… maybe even someone like Caleb…

Caleb smirked, and you felt your blood freeze in your veins because you knew that smirk. You knew it all too well. It was the shit-eating grin he’d get when he was about to ruthlessly tease you… and he loved teasing you.

“Pipsqueak’s still a virgin, eh?”

“I am not a virgin, thank you very much. Not that I have to prove anything to you, asshole.”

“Mmhmm.”

Your blood pressure skyrocketed. Caleb had this way of just burrowing under your skin, and you knew… you knew you were playing into his hands, but the skepticism in his gaze had you steaming, and you wanted nothing more than to scratch the disbelief off his face.

“I had a boyfriend in high school, jerk face,” you snapped, “and not that it’s any of your business, but we had sex, okay?”

Caleb mockingly nodded, that stupid impish glint in his eye glittering at you dangerously. “And lemme guess, it was just the one time and ya never orgasmed?”

You snapped your mouth shut, pressing your lips into a thin, tight line, the retort you wanted to throw at him dying in your throat because he was right. You had nothing to say to that. 

“So I’m right,” Caleb sniggered, and you bristled at the infuriating sound.

You hated when he was able to see right through you and used it for his own sick enjoyment.

“Well, I dunno what to tell ya, Pipsqueak.” Caleb shrugged. “I dunno about other guys, but I’m definitely bigger than six inches.”

Your mouth dropped open. Six inches already seemed like a lot of dick, and you couldn’t imagine anyone being bigger than your ex-boyfriend who had been roughly around five, and that had seemed massive to you at the time.

Your curiosity got the better of you, and you cringed when you couldn’t stop the next question tumbling out of your mouth.

“Can I see?”

Caleb’s eyes widened, shocked by your outrageous question. Hell, you shocked yourself asking something so ridiculous, but the next thing you knew, you found yourself splayed on top of Caleb’s extra-long twin size bed trembling violently while he obscenely licked away between your legs doing things with his tongue you never would’ve thought a tongue could do… never would’ve guessed he knew how to do.

Thrilling tingles were running up and down your back building into something you’d never felt before, a dizzying pressure of pleasure tightening in your stomach until you burst, and you shook uncontrollably against Caleb’s mouth suctioned to your bits, ecstasy rolling through you in torrid waves. 

“Thatta girl,” Caleb snickered. “Congrats on your first orgasm, Pipsqueak.”

You wanted to smack him. Or ask him to do that again. Or both. But you just laid there instead, flushed and spent, thinking about how much you’d been missing out in the sex department.

You and Caleb never spoke about what happened after you left. Not once.

But you thought about that night often, how explosive your climax had been from just his mouth, and if a mouth could make you feel so sinfully good, how much better would it be with an actual dick?

As the year progressed, you started dating, which wasn’t hard considering how desperate college boys were for female companionship, and while you didn’t go all the way with them, none of them came close to being able to pleasure you with their clumsy mouths the way Caleb did. They were too rough or too tentative. They used too much tongue or too much of their teeth. They ignored your sweet aching clit or stroked it with too broad of a touch.

Each tryst left you feeling more disappointed. Unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. And no matter how much you tried to relieve yourself of the pent-up frustration building between your legs using your own unpracticed fingers, you couldn’t. It just wasn’t the same.

Which was how you found yourself back in his room, a textbook in your hands, under the false pretenses of wanting his assistance with Biochemistry, one innuendo leading to another until your study session devolved into him shirtless, pinning you down on his narrow bed with his strong, muscular body.

The muscles on his back delightfully rippled under your palms, a stark reminder of how much he’d grown since he left for college. Caleb had always been athletic and toned, but this…?

His hungry lips crushed yours with deep, bruising kisses, his hot breath mingling with yours, sweeping you away in a cloud of his irresistible cologne. You were light headed and woozy, drowning in a sea of everything Caleb, and you wondered how it was possible for you to come undone so quickly from his kisses alone.

“Fuck, Pipsqueak, the things ya do to me,” he huskily groaned, and just the sound of the thready throb in his voice had electricity jolting down your spine and buzzing in your sex.

One large, calloused hand slipped under your shirt, roughly groping your soft breasts and tweaking your firm nipples, and the other trailed up your quivering thigh and under your skirt, deft fingers sliding into your slick opening and curling against a part of you that had you moaning shamelessly and seeing stars. 

He was kneading and pulling and pinching, and as you rocked your hips and arched your back, you thought it couldn’t just be Caleb who could make you feel this heavenly, surely there had to be someone out there who could make your body sing the way Caleb could?

The thought lingered in your mind afterwards for some time.

The next boy you dated felt promising. You weren’t his first girlfriend or his second or even his third. He was older than even Caleb, a senior mere months away from graduating with more experience in four years of college than you’d had in your entire life. He seemed kind and sweet, and he was… He was very sweet, but when you eagerly jumped into bed with him, desperate to feel what Caleb made you feel, you quickly realized he wasn’t very sweet at all. 

He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands or his tongue or his dick, often skipping the foreplay and jackhammering away until he finished without any regard to whether you had cum at all, and as he moaned away, you found yourself squinting at the ceiling wondering if it truly was just Caleb who could make you cum.

You ached. Your body craved release, and no one, not even yourself, was able to give it to you the way Caleb did with just his hands and his mouth. It was like you were addicted, and no matter who you sought out, it seemed as though they would never be good enough compared to his honeyed touch.

You squirmed sitting in his room, despondent at how disappointing your dating life had been. 

“So, how’s the boytoy?” Caleb asked, wiggling his eyebrows like the dumbass he was.

“Awful. We broke up.”

“Aww… why? He seemed nice.” 

You sighed, dejectedly twisting your hair around your fingers, relishing the sting of pain on your scalp when you twisted too hard. “The sex sucked.”

“Ew, Pipsqueak. I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”

“Caleb, you’ve eaten me out and fingered me twice already. I think that ship has sailed,” you stated, finding his response immature and silly.

“Just doesn’t feel right.”

“That… that doesn’t make any sense.” 

And it didn’t. It didn’t make any sense because this man had given you the most divine orgasms of your life and was grimacing at the thought of you having a sex life when the two of you had done practically everything, but actually fuck.

“Yea, I know.” He looked at you pointedly, something you couldn’t read flickering in his eyes. “I just don’t wanna hear about ya with other guys is all.”

You didn’t say anything. You weren’t sure how to interpret what he just said, but you didn’t dwell on it too deeply. You were occupied with the thoughts of yet another failed quest in finding someone other than Caleb to make you feel rapturous joy and whether perhaps… you were the problem.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, twisting your hands together in your lap. “Hey, Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“Why can’t anyone I date make me cum?”

Caleb observed you silently, the gears slowly turning in his head. “Is that why the sex sucked? Cause ya didn’t have an orgasm?”

“Yeah. The only person who’s been able to give me an orgasm is…” You swallowed thickly. “...is you.”

You whispered the last two words, your confession both humiliating and vulnerable because you didn’t know how Caleb would react. Would he mercilessly tease you like he always did? Or comfort you in a strange turn of events? Or would he… touch you again?

The silence was deafening.

You peeked at Caleb. He looked startled, frozen in place with his magical, immoral mouth hanging open. The tension hung in the air, heavy and palpable, and you waited with bated breath for him to react, to say or do something… anything…

Caleb broke into laughter, wild tremors shaking his stupid, sexy body, and you scowled, the irritation only Caleb could wrench from you bubbling to the surface. You opened your mouth to scathingly retaliate when Caleb wiped the tears from his eyes and cooed, “Aww… is my poor Pipsqueak frustrated? Come here. I’ll make it all better for ya.”

You wanted to vehemently refuse, but your body had a mind of its own, and you melted into Caleb’s embrace when he wrapped you in his arms because… well, who were you kidding really.

“I’m warning ya, though, Pipsqueak. Like I said, I’m bigger than six inches,” he whispered in your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe.

You gulped, your heart beating madly in your chest, the anticipation of what was to come flooding you with a blistering heat…

And before you could even process what was happening, you were naked, bracing yourself against the wall, and he was bullying his fat cock into your dripping cunt – and you were dripping because his scent alone drove you insane – stretching you deliciously open, and you gasped because… because, fuck, his cock was just simply godlike.

He wasn’t joking when he said he was bigger than six inches. He was the biggest you’d ever had, and every time his tip kissed your cervix, you keened, your fingernails digging into the standard, white paint of the dorms.

He rutted into you brutally, his broad palm shoving your head into the wall, and your hips bucked back to slam into his because you needed him deeper… harder… 

“Shit, Pipsqueak, taking me so… well,” Caleb grunted, speaking erratically from the exertion. “Ya really…  really aren’t a virgin… are ya?”

“That’s what I’ve… fuck… been saying… you… hah… you asshole!”

Tears stung your eyes because this… this was what you had been searching for… what you craved… what you had been missing in your life.

You were on fire, searing flames blazing into an uncontrollable inferno, ravaging your poor body until there was nothing left and you were shuddering… spasming… pathetically mewling Caleb’s name in strangled sobs.

“Ah, fuck, I can’t— I–” Caleb sputtered, and for the first time, you saw him lose control, and he shouted, “Fuck!” before spilling ribbon after ribbon of his cum into your drooling, convulsing cunt.

It was the first time you’d let someone finish inside of you, and you felt his essence filling you to the brim, creeping out from around his dick and down your quavering inner thighs. Fucking Caleb had been like having a taste of the forbidden fruit, and you smoldered with desire for more… more of the succulent rapture he’d shown you.

Caleb planted his lips on your shoulder, grazing the skin lightly with his teeth, electric sparks radiating from every part of you he touched, and in the depths of your hazy, post-bliss muddled mind, you heard him tauntingly say…

“Geez, Pipsqueak, if ya think that felt good, wait till ya see what I do next.”

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #23

Diavolo: What is “lore”

Mammon: Baby don’t hurt me

•

Mammon: Compliment me

Beelzebub: Barbecue sauce

Mammon: Thanks

•

Satan: Once a man now deemed a clown

Solomon: This is without a doubt the funniest description of the joker I’ve ever seen

Leviathan: This is an excerpt from my resume

•

Solomon: When you brush your teeth you are petting your skeleton for a job well done

MC: Smoke meth – Hail Satan

Solomon: What the fuck

•

MC: I haven’t cha cha slid since high school

Mammon: I’ve never seen the cha cha slide referred to in the past tense and I am fucking shaken

•

Leviathan: I’m so glad they removed the “nut” from honey Cheerios

Asmodeus: Now you gotta add your own

Leviathan: Why must you do this to my posts

•

Diavolo: What does it mean when someone says they’re pescatarian and vegan

Raphael: Land animals are innocent of crime but the fish have sinned

•

Thirteen: We only came to this site in the first place b/c we were gay and liked Harry Potter

Asmodeus: I actually came to this site because of onceler incest

Thirteen: Your just gonna say those words huh

•

Leviathan: When manga characters add a heart to their speech… I wish I could do that

Simeon: You can. Just put a little love in your voice. Smile, people hear it

Asmodeus: Moan

Barbatos: Duality of man

•

Simeon: “Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung” — P.T. Barnum

Leviathan: Pegging clowns???

Asmodeus: Pegging hung clowns???

Lucifer: This is why this website is worth negative money

•

Mammon: Pregnancy is a hoax the baby sprouts out of the ground I’ve see it happen

Mammon: People pretend to be pregnant for clout it started with one woman named dvd and people been chasing the same high since

Mammon: Meant eve

•

Leviathan: I wish I had an even more vague void than the internet to scream into

Satan: An abandoned Kmart parking lot just before Dawn

Leviathan: Jesus I didn’t say a whole different dimension

•

Belphegor: They’ve got me in some kind of secret facility

Belphegor: Doing experiments on me

Belphegor: I have powers now

Belphegor: I’m gonna fight the government

Solomon: Me when I’m an original character made by a 12 year old

•

Leviathan: I’d rather see 1000 graffiti penises than 1 product billboard. I’d live in dick city if it meant I could avoid advertisements in my daily life

Asmodeus: We built dick city

Mammon: We built dick city on cock and balls

•

Mammon: It’s fun to stay at the y

Mephistopheles: M

Leviathan: M

Thirteen: M

Simeon: *smacks the side of my boom box to get it to stop skipping*

Luke: C

Satan: Young man

•

Solomon: People in the 70s would wake up and be like I need to go hitchhiking right now

MC: Mfs be like good morning Susan! Another serial killer in the paper today, so not groovy! Welp, time for our daily car ride with a stranger!

Mammon: I’d reply to this post but I’m waiting for my Uber

•

Satan: Imagine searching your whole life for the chosen one who will destroy the matrix and save the human race and you find him and he’s fucking Keanu Reeves

Diavolo: YOU FIND HIM DOING WHAT

First • Last • Next

[dr9com9ge-ix]

Tis the tech fellas this time! More under the cut as per usual- Gay people who handle their town’s internet and tech (And their robot kids c:)

Garnold

26 he/him

- Eloped with Clukr to the town after they both graduated university because his family disapproved of their relationship. Their marriage was officiated by the Mayor’s assistant.

- His family was rich and influential to the area he and Clukr lived in and had a reputation to uphold.

- He is an only child. When asked if he wished he had siblings he’d say “No” on account of how his parents and relatives are.

- Went to a prestigious school and was a star student due to his parents pushing him to be one. Would have preferred to go through his school life generally unbothered.

- Speaks with a very monotone deadpan voice- Made more robotic sounding by his suit’s modulators. This is on purpose, he likes making people think he’s simply just a robot.

- Is pretty serious about his job inventing/creating helpful tech alongside Clukr but is bad at explaining things in layman’s terms and often drones on.

- Fan of old rickety animatronics, Wanted to go to a arcade pizza place with some for his birthday once as a kid but was brought to a fancy restaurant instead.

- Though he is an already large and strong person he made his suit enhance this even more, to the point of allowing him to bend and crush metal quite easily with his hands.

Clukr

25 He/him

- Eloped with Garnold to the town, Did not mind running away much. Came up with their new last name “Electrum” as neither wanted to carry their family names.

- Was in the custody of his uncle and worked at his garage from a young age. Wasn’t usually supervised much so hung out with delinquents around his age at the time.

- Smart enough to get a scholarship at the same prestigious school as Garnold. Holds much pride in this fact and in his own intellect. Can be a bit hammy with this pride.

- He met Vineria as she was one of these delinquent kids. She’s been the only person out of the kids he hung out with that he’s still friends with. Both because of distance and because most of them started to pick on him once he got the scholarship and even more so when he was interested in/ started to date Garnold.

- Was formerly rivals (one sided) with Garnold in high school due to several science fair 2nd place medals, Tried to start a fight with him after another fair but Garnold simply complimented his project and Clukr had to leave because he was incredibly flustered.

- Is alot better at explaining technical things in simpler terms than Garnold, though often laden with profanity as a force of habit.

- Cannot sit still, absolutely feels like he needs to be doing things all the time! Whether tinkering or sprinting around the place. Gotta do something or he gets antsy.

- Would fight things twice his size if Garnold or anyone else didn’t keep him from doing that.

Funbot

3 (programmed to act 13) It/its

- One of the first AI that Garnold and Clukr made. It considers them it’s fathers and they consider it their child. Was specifically built because they didn’t want to deal with pregnancy but wanted a child.

- Clukr sometimes calls it “Funsies”, Garnold calls it “Funnington Funsleburg” and Fun computer calls it “Felix”. All these names are on Funbot’s town document as “Funbot Felix Funsies Funnington Funsleburg Electrum”

- It is made of pieces of Garnold’s prototype suits along with some more silvery metal and a solar panel to power it.

- Is sluggish in the dark but hyperactive in the light.

- Helps out its dads with work and frolicks outside when it isn’t busy with that.

- Likes skateboarding and climbing things with its grippy hands and feet.

- Would love LARPING probably.

- Innocent and naive, would believe someone if they told it that clouds taste like cotton candy.

-Knows what swears are and acts like its the coolest most punk thing ever.

- Can be called from a phone as it has a phone built in. Often takes video calls from its sibling wanting to see outside.

Mr. Fun Computer

3 (Programmed to act 20-ish) She/He/Its

- The second AI made by Garnold and Clukr, was sort of a request as the town needed an easier way to handle its citizen documentation and later it’s technology. Her creation was started the same year as Funbot but finished much later. Thus being considered the litte sister between her and Funbot.

- Calls herself “Felicity” and presents as female, though uses male honorifics and is alright with He/it due to being referred to like that for the first year she was operational.

- Has access to the town’s registry and documents and is connected to a framework that spans the whole town. Though this means she is immobile. Only being able to “visit” certain locations with screens and cameras meant to allow her to see and be seen.

- She also operates the automatic electronics and machines in town.

- Was programmed with a “heart” or more specifically: Empathy, Unconditional love for everyone who is a citizen of town and a feeling of responsibility for them. This was asked for by the Mayor’s assistant out of some fear she could turn on them if something went wrong.

- Wants a mobile sprunki-like body to go outside but thinks it’s too much trouble to ask her fathers so just video calls Funbot to see through their cameras.

- Is incredibly intelligent due to her access to the internet and what her fathers had put in her database. This is also how she picked her and Funbot’s names.

-Loves trivia night and often hosts it when she can.

[causenessus]

YAY CONGRATS ON 1k!! you totally deserve it and your work is phenomenal and i can’t wait to see what else you make <3

for the event.. could i get a fluff 📚 fic w/ kuroo where the reader helps him find a book as a library aid??

see you again. | kuroo t.

kuroo x f!reader

written in 3rd pov

one word prompt from 1k followers event: 📚 -> library

"my heart's on mars, kinda hard to see, but you know i'll see you again <3" from when will i see you again by shakka (DOES NOT fit the vibes at all i mean kind of in my delusional brain but i just like the song and it fits the title <3)

word count: 1.9k words

notes: lots of fluff!! kuroo being down bad for the reader upon first meeting her, reader also being down bad. kuroo being a nerd bc man could be sexy or flirt to save his life <3 bokuto being the real star of this entire follower event apparently who knows how many more fics he's gonna make it into. also this was really fun to write bc little lore drop but one year in high school i once got kicked out of a class (very convoluted thing, they thought the class was triggering me which was lowkey a fair statement) so i got to be a library aide instead <333 i'm going to say this is not edited bc i don't want to deal with my mistakes or take responsibility for them. THANK U FOR THIS REQUEST WYR!! I LOVE YOU SM <3 I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS FIC

although she enjoyed the solace of re-shelving books on her own, she enjoyed helping others just as much. it was like getting snippets of people’s lives through the books they were in search of. sometimes students came in looking for books for classes, which allowed her to meddle a little into just how many majors her school really offered, and how niche they could be. others came in looking for books to pass the time and she was always happy to recommend one of her favorites if they were open to suggestions.

while some of the other aides were there because they saw the job as an easy, quick way to make some extra money, she took pleasure in her job. when lost students came up to the counter asking for help locating a book, most of the aides felt that they had done their job well when they gave the student some kind of cryptic number and last name to scour the shelves for in return. however, numbers revealed nothing of where a single book could be in a large room piled with books that lined and stuffed every shelf and corner they could fit into.

she often took it upon herself to go on a search with the students who came to her for help. she’d consult the system for where a book was located and then lead the student to where the book was located rather than just sending them on their way. sometimes it took a few minutes to find what they were looking for, but they always found it in the end.

asking someone to wander around a university’s library and expecting them to know where a book labeled “796.31 dearing” was located was the equivalent to asking them to find a needle in a haystack. she didn’t expect anyone to know where a book was right off the bat; that was her job, and she was happy to help.

kuroo always dreaded going to the library. he dreaded everything about it. he loathed having to be quiet, aware of every noise he made, every rustle of his pant legs brushing against each other, and he hated trying to find the single book he was looking for amongst thousands of others. sometimes he felt like he'd be better off pirating a pdf version of a book off the internet, but it never appealed to him as much as a physical book.

over lunch with bokuto one day, he had rubbed a hand down his face and groaned at the thought of even stepping foot into the library, “i have to get a book for one of my social science classes, but do you know how hard they make it to find any kind of science book?”

“you should ask for y/n!” bokuto responded with a mouth full of food, “she’s really nice, she actually walked with me to help find the book i was looking for.”

“you went to the library to get a book? i would’ve expected you to just sparknote it,” kuroo teased with a sleazy grin.

his friend huffed, crossing his arms, “you should have more faith in me! i did read the book, but... it was because my professor had already caught me using sparknotes and said she’d fail me if she caught me using it again...” he trailed off and kuroo laughed.

“i think you just proved your own point wrong, buddy,” he rested his hand in his palm, looking down at the table they were sitting at. “you said her name’s y/n? what’s she look like?”

“mm, i don’t remember,” bokuto said, after a thoughtful pause, “she’s probably wearing a nametag, though. or just ask for y/n! someone will direct you to her.”

“that’s weird, man. what am i supposed to tell her when she questions why i specifically asked for her?” he responded with a sigh.

“just tell her i sent you! she knows me pretty well now, she won’t mind,” the dual hair colored boy shrugged before shoving more food into his mouth, “it’s that or search on your own for your book, but i’d say just find y/n, she can help.”

bokuto had a way of making everything seem like it would turn out fine, but all that confidence left him the moment he walked through the library doors. all he knew was he was on the lookout for a girl; nothing about what she looked like, just her name.

he could pretend to be cool and suave from afar, but when it came to actual interactions, he was never the best at maintaining his composure. he always talked too fast, or would regrettably talk more than was acceptable by his standards.

he settled for trying to find the book himself first. it was some kind of book about behavior, by a last name he thought sounded slightly like a serial killer. if he couldn’t even remember the author’s name, he was helpless. was it even worth trying to find someone to help him? or would he just make a fool of himself trying to describe the book he was looking for?

but he needed to find this book tonight, he knew that. he’d already put off reading it for long enough, and his deadline was coming up. knowing his grade was at risk, he defeatedly dragged his feet to the foot counter. it was impossible for him to casually stand there, looking at people’s name tags, and a girl at a computer was already looking at him, waiting patiently for him to tell her what he needed.

“uh–” he started off, trying to keep his voice low, “is y/n working tonight?”

the girl’s eyebrows knitted together, and he was distracted by the way her lips pursed before he tried to focus on her eyes instead, “that’s me. did you need something?”

perhaps it was luckier that he had found her on his first try rather than walking around like an idiot looking for a mysterious girl, but he couldn’t help worrying about how this interaction was already off to a bad start. he couldn’t believe bokuto could ever forget a face like hers when he was sure it’d be stuck in his head for weeks. “yeah, i’m looking for a book…?” he cringed at his own words. what else would he be here for? she only raised her brows, waiting for him to continue. “it’s um, a book on behaviorism i think. i’m majoring in sports management and i need this book for a social sciences class but i don’t remember what it’s called.”

his honesty made the corner of her lips lift, and he found himself staring again. she had to be wearing lipstick; there was no way her lips could be that red. “behaviorism? and you don’t remember what the book is called? what about the author?”

he shook his head. did he tell her his analogy? he’d already made a stupid first impression, “i don’t remember what his name was, but it sort of sounded like…”

“like a serial killer?” she finished, eyes flicking up to his own.

his own brows raised in surprise, “yeah, how did you know?”

she laughed softly at his remark, “i took a psychology class. it’s how i remembered his name too. i called him beef skinner, but his name’s b.f. skinner.” he found his own lips turning up, and they shared a smile before she cleared her throat, turning back to her screen. he watched her fingers fly across the keyboard under her hands before she turned her monitor screen around so he could see it. “does this cover look familiar? maybe by the title?”

it was a simple cover, dark blue with a tri-colored atom at the bottom. the title was written in bold capital letters: Science and Human Behavior. it clicked with him as he read the title and he could only nod, dumbfounded as she returned the screen back to its normal position.

“that’s exactly it. you’re like a genius, i can’t believe you found it based on three basic words,” he complimented, watching as she stood up, dusting off her pencil skirt. 

he felt a puff of pride in his chest, seeing the way she smiled at his words. “it’s my job,” she laughed again, “i think i had someone else come in looking for it a few days ago. too. call it good timing. your book should be somewhere in the 300s, i’ll lead you there.”

she waved a hand, motioning for him to follow as she came around the side of the counter and he was quick to follow. they walked along the aisles, her head tilting up ever so often to look up at the number plates adorning each shelf. “if you don’t mind me asking, how did you know my name?” she asked, turning back to him.

he fell into step walking alongside her as he hummed in thought, “i had a friend that mentioned you. i always get lost coming here and i was telling him about it and he said i should try to find you because you’re really nice.”

“aw,” she commented with a small smile as they turned down an aisle, “that was sweet of him to say. i’m glad i could help.”

their conversation went silent as they continued walking, and he found himself tugging at the collar of his sweater nervously. “he was right,” he mumbled.

“what was that?” she looked at him again, and he inhaled sharply again, looking into her eyes.

“nothing. i mean—i was just saying my friend was right. you’re very nice,” he spoke quickly, averting his eyes towards the floor. this was what he’d meant when he said he always talked too much; he really needed to learn to keep his thoughts in.

but when she laughed at his compliment, he thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to make a fool of himself if he could hear her voice again. “thank you, i’m glad to hear that. what was your name, again?” she asked, a blush dusting her cheeks. she couldn’t believe she was letting a boy’s words affect her in such a way when she didn’t even know his name.

he was thinking the same thing; how had telling her his name completely slipped his mind? “kuroo,” he said, stopping when she stopped, crouching to run her fingers along the spines of a row of books close to the ground. “my name’s kuroo tetsuro.”

“well, kuroo,” she said, standing back up and looking at him with that smile of hers. paired with the sound of his name on her tongue, he felt like he was going to pass out. “it was nice to meet you. and here’s your book. maybe i’ll see you again?”

“definitely,” he said too quickly, but it was worth it to watch her nose scrunch as she laughed, “i’ll definitely come back, it what meant. um, not just to see you. well— actually— it’d be kind of nice if maybe we saw each other again. maybe over dinner? could i get your number?”

“yes,” she answered, and when she bit her lip, trying to stop the way her smile had grew, he felt like he was standing in front of angel, “to all of that. meet me back at the counter?”

"okay," he breathed, watching her walk off, her hands grabbing fists full of her skirt. maybe the library wasn't as bad as he thought, after all.

[sngj08]

[We Meet Again] idol!anton x fan!fem!reader

summary: RIIZE liked your tiktok video. You didn't really think much of it until a fan seemingly dmed you something interesting. You ended up realizing that one of the members knows your dad as a family friend.

genre: strangers to friends, family friends, tiktok

warning: cursing, reader may be harsh and opinionated on some riize members, old internet slangs

based on real life events

- acc m.list

"YN WAKE UP!!! YOU HAVE SCHOOL TODAY!!" You heard your mom screaming from downstairs as you groan to yourself.

You forced yourself to stand up and get ready for school.

You did your morning routine, grabbed your school backpack, phone and left to school.

"Girl did you do your math homework?" Your friend said to you.

"Not a good morning Giselle?" You said playfully to your friend.

"Girl I'm serious. I already have 2 missing assignments in class." She nudged you as you smiled back at her.

"Yeah yeah. I did the homework." You said while handing her the homework.

"Ok send it to me, by lunch the latest. Bye girl and good luck in class." She waved goodbye as you both parted ways.

"Ok guys lets do it!" Your teacher opened the door, as it was your reminder to go to class.

As soon as you placed down your stuff by your table, you took your homework out and took a picture.

You sat down on your chair and properly prepared yourself for class before you send the homework to your friend.

You tried sending the message but your school wifi was not helping at all.

'Ugh f the school wifi.' You said under your breath.

"Do you want my pocket wifi?" One of the guys you thought was cute in your class handed you his pocket wifi.

Without hesitation, you took the wifi and entered the password onto your phone.

"Thanks." You said quietly to him while giving the wifi packet back with a smile.

"No problem." He smiled back. And without any hasle, the message went through easily until your phone started pinging nonstop.

"Can you please turn off your phone Yn. You are disrupting the class." The teacher said to you.

"Sorry sir." You said as you placed your phone on silent and placed it in your bag.

After school you went straight home and checked your phone.

You finally opened your phone from its slumber and your phone started pinging nonstop again.

"The fuck?" You cursed at yourself to see what it happening.

*RIIZE has liked your post*

You found the notification that were most likely the problem of all the spam notifications.

RIIZE just debuted and your sister introduced them to you.

You can say aren't a big fan of them but you still made tiktoks about them for fun.

It didn't bother you that RIIZE has been commenting on posts they see on tiktok because you thought of the low chance of the possibility to happen until now.

You got a mix of notifications of fans liking the same post and spam liking your other posts as well. You also got some notifications of some people following you out of no where.

You checked all the notifications until you saw some profile pictures of the people who followed you.

You decided to follow back fellow briize whom their pfp looks interesting.

You followed probably a 5 people until your mom called you.

"YN!!! DO THE DISHES!!!" Your mom screamed to you from downstairs again as you roll your eyes in annoyance.

"OK MOM!" You screamed back at your mom while going downstairs.

As you finished washing the dishes, you ran back upstairs so that your mom won't tell you to do more chores.

You only had one year left to be with your mom because you were already a senior in high school this year and you would start to live separately during college which scares you.

You shake off the idea of paying for rent when you went back up to your room and grabbed your phone.

*someone messeged you on tiktok*

A notification was shown on your phone from a person you just had become friends with on tiktok.

briize532: your yn right?

They probably looked into your instagram or something which is conncected onto your tiktok bio so you had no worries replying

you: yeah, why are you asking?

briize532: you're ****'s daughter right?

As you say another weird message from the person, you thought to yourself maybe they really looked in depth to your instagram profile.

you: my dad told me to say hi.

You were so confused of whats happening so you asked the user.

you: your dad?

briize532: yeah, your dad and my dad are friends. they met up at sm town for that meeting during ****(the year)

You vividly remember that year because you had gotten into kpop and your parents were going to korea without you because they said they had a meeting to attend to in sm town. You begged to let your parents take you with them but they said no because you had school. You didn't know who they met specifically tho.

you: I remember by dad going there lol

you didnt know what else to say because your dad was still at work for you to ask him a question of whom he was friends with during that year.

briize532: I saw you like riize, who is your bias?

you: my sister made me into riize a few weeks ago but I think eunseok and wonbin are good. who are your biases?

briize532: my bias is anton. what do you think him?

you: imma be real with you i could see why fans like him as well but i didn't appeal to his charm. it seems like a me problem but thats my opinion if you were asking for it

briize532: i see. not everyone has the same taste and they just debuted so they haven't shown everything they've got just yet

you: a riize defender i see

You chuckle while typing that message on you phone.

briize532: what if i told you i was anton

you: you'd be capping

you laughed at his message

briize532: i'll prove it. ill call you on kakaotalk. whats your kakao id?

You raised your eyebrows at his determination so you sent them your kakao id.

You got the friend request and accepted it and in a few moments, the user called you.

"Hey" The person said from the other side of the phone said, just showing his hair.

"I can't see your face." You sad to the phone as he readjusted his camera.

"Can you see me now?" Anton said from the other side of the phone.

"How the fuck is that you? Are you just a recorded live like those omegle videos?" You say in disbelief.

"Nope, it's really me! briize532 on tiktok!" He said with a small tone.

"So let me get this straight... Your producer dad.... knows my dad... and they met each other during ****?!" You said adding 2 and 2 together.

"Yeah" He said from the other side of the phone making you realized what you said about him on tiktok.

"Yo- I am so sorry what I said on the tiktok dms" You said to Anton who has seen your opinion about him.

"It's fine, atleast you listen to our music" He said a bit uncomfortable.

"Did i ruin your ego and everythng? gosh-" You said yapping your heart out your 'sorrys'

"No, my ego isnt ruined at all. You were being honest. It was my fault I asked." He said as defense.

This went on and on until your dad arrived, you showed Anton who was stiil on video call on your phone.

"Hi Anton!" Your dad said casually, still surprised your dad knows his name.

"Hi Uncle ****(your dad's name)" He says from the other side of the call.

"You look so much like your dad now!" Your dad said in reply.

"Thank you!" Anton said politely back to your dad.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

We discussed in the last episode how when Chad and I were shooting the last episode, that's when they announced that the show was coming back. But they had not offered either of us contracts. And it was basically them being like, we're good, you can leave. And we were just like, Ugh. Well alright, cool story. So then, well I finished filming and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do in this situation? I'm gonna go back home to Sterling Park and I'm probably gonna go kiss some dudes from high school and have a couple beers and then I'm gonna figure out a plan. And so remember we had our Southern Gothic productions, the production company that I started down there. And you had just made a movie with Nick Austin and I, you know, like we were, we were doing fun stuff, but I had before social media, a production webpage. Remember when we had like vlogs? The world of the vlog. So I was like, I'm gonna just, I'm gonna post a vlog 'cause news has been out that the show's getting picked up, but I'm not. So I posted a video that it, you know, has like so many views on the internet at this point where I was like, I have no control over the creative and I'm really sad. I love Peyton. I'm not coming back but still watch the show. It was a big deal. And it dispelled those rumors of someone in, someone had gone to the press and put out all these rumors that I wasn't coming back because I was demanding lots of money and being difficult when in reality I was willing to take less money so that all the other actors could get favored nations and get paid more. And so I was butt hurt about that. So I put out this video and then I get this script and I'm like, what? Okay, fine. I'm gone. Like, what more do you want from me? I, so James is directing and he's you now 22, maybe 23 years old. If we were 26 when this happened. How much younger is James? Alright, so he is 22 and he's doing a beautiful job and I see how important it's to him and how much we need to keep the drama at bay. Like we just need to show up and do our jobs. And so Chad comes and he's ready to cry and I show up and I've gotta cry in every fucking scene... -Hilarie 

[drdt-headcanons]

April Fools’ Day Headcanons!

A list of headcanons for what each DRDT character thinks of/does on April Fools’ Day!

———

Teruko Tawaki: She hates April Fools’ Day. No matter who the pranks people set up are meant for, she always ends up being the one pranked. She usually gets at least a few minor injuries throughout the day. She doesn’t want to prank anyone, since she’s worried one of her pranks will go wrong and she’ll accidentally hurt someone, whether it be physically or mentally.

Xander Matthews: He takes this holiday as an excuse to break school rules, especially the stupid ones. Running in the halls, chewing gum in class, breaking the dress code, etc. etc.. Any rule he deems a useless restriction. (He soon realized the rule of no running in the halls was not a useless restriction when he crashed into Teruko while running, making her nose bleed).

Charles Cuevas: Routinely forgets it’s April Fools’ Day…Until someone (*cough cough* Arei and Whit *cough cough*) decides to prank him and others. He thinks the holiday is dumb and immature, meant to be grown out of once you graduate high school. That’s the reason he gives for disliking it, but in reality he doesn’t like how he’s almost always the butt of the joke for the whole day.

Ace Markey: He’s been dreading April Fools’ Day for weeks. He doesn’t really like to pull pranks on anyone else (he’s terrified they’ll somehow get revenge and pull a humiliating prank on him). So the whole day he’s on edge and on the lookout for any obvious pranks. But his intense paranoia fails him and he usually falls for a few anyway and he hates it.

Arei Nageishi and Whit Young: They pull pranks together all day. They’ve been planning for months and have at least one prank for every one of their classmates. Arei usually comes up with the idea, and Whit tones it back to be less mean-spirited, because he wants everyone to have fun. They plan pranks to pull on each other, too.

Rose Lacroix: She forgot what day it was until she fell asleep in class and woke up with a drawn-on mustache, hearts, stars, etc. on her face. She thought it was kinda cute and pretended not to notice for a bit. Nico felt bad and admitted they submitted to Arei’s peer pressure and drew on the hearts, but she told them she really didn’t mind.

Hu Jing: She doesn’t usually participate in any prank-pulling, but is happy to see the class having fun. If she thinks a prank was too cruel she’ll step in, but she mostly stands to the side to let the others have their fun. She might switch up her wardrobe to wear something silly as a ‘prank’, but it only really works on Levi, who is horrified at how none of the clothing she’s wearing matches.

Eden Tobisa: She likes to pull pranks in literally the nicest way possible. She’ll give someone a cake, claiming it’s vanilla flavored, and then say “Ha! April Fools!! It was actually a chocolate cake!” once they take a bite and she’ll be so proud of herself. It’s cute, and people get free baked goods, so everyone’s happy.

Levi Fontana: He’s not quite sure how to approach pranking someone, because he worries any attempt will be too mean. He tries to look up light-hearted pranks on the internet because he doesn’t want to be left out. (I was looking up pranks for him and thought this was a vaguely fashion-related prank he could do:)

(I think this one is funny to imagine him doing).

Arturo Giles: He didn’t want to participate, but Veronika insisted he do something, or else she would prank him as many times as she could. Arturo, admittedly afraid of that threat, pulled a prank by copying dozens of photos of Mariabella Rosales and putting one copy in everyone’s locker. People were very confused and he found it quite hilarious. But he won’t ever tell Veronika he enjoyed himself, she’d never let him forget it.

Min Jeung: Doesn’t see much point in participating, and was quite annoyed to find that Whit and Arei replaced her textbooks with identical copies, just that the ones they made were blank inside. She demanded to have her books back and they eventually relented. She retaliated by pulling a prank so amazing I can’t even think of one good enough to put here. But it was great, whatever she did.

David Chiem: He enjoys playing nice pranks on the people he likes (he puts misleading compliment cards in Xander’s people’s lockers) and plays mean pranks on people he doesn’t like, except he never admits the mean ones were him and always ensures he never gets caught.

Veronika Grebenshchikova: She enjoys pulling as many outlandish pranks as possible, on anyone and everyone. No exceptions. Since she doesn’t have a Whit to tone stuff back like Arei does, her pranks are a lot more…eccentric. She really likes scaring people the best when it comes to pranks, and litters fake plastic spiders all over the school (Ace fell for at least five of them).

J Moreno/Rosales: She really wants to pull a cool prank but doesn’t know what prank to pull. But she doesn’t want to look on the internet for ideas because she wants her’s to be original. Evantually she settles for hiding behind doors and then jumping out and scaring Arturo specifically.

Nico Hakobyan: As previously stated, they drew hearts on Rose when Arei prompted them to, but otherwise were too scared to pull any pranks, since they thought people might get mad at them. They decided to just tell cat puns instead, which Whit loved. His reassurance that this was a worthy replacement for a prank made them happy.

———

All done! Hope you guys liked it, I know I don’t usually post my own headcanons. But if people wanted to ask me for headcanons about characters, ships, situations, etc. I’d be cool with that! This was really fun!

[hihigherdi]

This is long.

I had dinner last night with my friend/employee who’s here for a work trip. He had some incredibly profound things to say about the election that I’m still thinking about today.

I’m reflecting on where I could have been braver. Where I could have been kinder. Mostly, on a part of my life where I was on staff with Young Life, a Christian organization I was heavily involved in during college, and afterwards. When I graduated, I signed up to support a small tutoring program in Seattle’s Central district with at-risk kids that were little, not in high school. Mostly Black and Samoan. My parents hated it. I was the rebel.

The most profound thing I experienced from that year was seeing and contending with my own racism. My classism. I learned how my family had made choices in where we lived so it was predominantly white. I felt unsafe being the minority. I hated how I was seen differently by the other white people in camp, I was there with the kids who made them uncomfortable. I saw how much my identity was viscerally tied to being one of them, these white leaders who had so much fun, were so funny and made me feel like I belonged to a group of people who wouldn’t reject me. But it was these kids who made them do that, I thought to myself. Now they see me as “other”. I hated it.

I remember buying a brand new car and the kids oohing and hanging over it, and I felt sick, realizing the wealth disparity between us. I was 22 years old, realizing some of this for the first time.

It was the most uncomfortable time of my life, I hated almost every second of it but I emerged from it differently, mostly because my Black and Samoan colleagues were so kind to me. I confessed a lot to them - I asked a lot of questions that were likely exhausting for them. They never called me a racist, even though it would have been true. They never scolded me. They loved me and were excited for me that I was on this journey. They were right next to me the whole way. They weren’t shy about asking me questions or saying hard things. They moved in a way where I felt deeply accepted in my vulnerability. Looking back, how hard that must have been in the face of my ignorance is not something I take lightly. It was by far, the most foundational year of my life, I think about some aspect of it almost everyday. I became more aware. Less racist. More empathetic. It changed me permanently.

One man in particular, a speaker at a camp, said something to me that became a core memory. There was a certain girl that was very tough, and I was trying to figure out how to be with her. He just stared at me, probably bewildered and said “just hang out.” that answer baffled me at the time, mostly because I had no idea how to do that with anybody. He spoke to a large group of people after that, mostly white people, and someone asked him how they’ll know they aren’t a racist anymore. He quietly said “when you are willing to give a person of color the full and complete control - the last word - on who they are.” I’ve never forgotten that. Isn’t that what any of us want?

There’s much to be humbled by. Am I invested in being angry, or effective? Everyone infuriated me during this election - Trump supporters, Christians, Andrew Tate supporters, Joe Rogan fans Jill Stein supporters, even pro-Gaza supporters and a lot of the Leftists in the political landscape. I was furious with everyone who wasn’t completely behind Harris. I called people racist on the internet. I called them evil. I scolded, I routinely and regularly vented my moral outrage. The worst part is that I meant it.

So this is my confession, this hatred. My misuse of moral outrage. My need to feel like I was liked.My rage when someone wasn’t acting in my own very specific terms. My behavior that made so many defensive instead of supported.

Ironically, those who I felt were screaming at me (broadly, not specifically) for my Whiteness, for not supporting Gaza enough, saying I support genocide if I didn’t do or say or agree with their very specific terms of support absolutely shut me down and I felt myself pulling further away from them, just keeping all of my thoughts to myself. I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud and felt like I couldn’t, after all it was largely this group that got us a decent candidate in the first place. Were they right, and I was just being defensive? Well yeah - they were right. And yes, I was defensive. Maybe I didn’t care enough. All I knew is I was tired of being told my level of care was not acceptable, and trying to appreciate the position that the VP was in with our Ally as Putin pushes further into Europe meant I didn’t care at all. That was not giving me the last word on who I am, and I was pissed. I stopped learning about it, I minimized my engagement with them. There was no psychological safety to be vulnerable.

It’s overly simplistic to say who is at the heart of that blame-wise. I think it’s more important to acknowledge it’s pretty human, and the damage it causes when we go underground is significant. And that in this decolonizing journey, I still don’t know how much of the oppressed opinions of me I need to accept if it doesn’t ring true for me in my soul. If there’s any space to say “no you’re wrong about me.”

And I have to wonder if that’s how a lot of people in the country who voted for Trump felt about me. I know that’s true. I wanted to feel like I was part of “the best”, and I treated them as though they weren’t. I hated their character - I still do. They genuinely frighten me. But being the same as those who I saw as the most righteous was more important to me than anything else, it was more important to belong to those I saw as “right” vs being effective. It’s my need to have a family. To not be alone.

It is also my Whiteness, needing to never feel rejected or that someone is mad at me, that’s how it manifests most for me but I’m glad I’m at the place where I am know it’s not entirely that. I am not my Whiteness entirely, though people can and do see me that way. I still get to acknowledge those other aspects of me that many might be unwilling or just not invested in seeing.

Getting at the root cause of why we (white women) do so much damage is mystery and is pretty personal but I think there has to be space for vulnerability to see the brokenness inside of us that is the source of so much unconscious, harmful behavior. There are margins of us that are broken and kind of insane - what do we need to get ahold of it? Is there any solution? I don’t know, beyond something supernatural but I do know being scolded by those who are aligned with elevated values does not seem effective. Part of me as I write that says “oh my God, are you saying you need to be managed and catered to?” that’s gross if the answer is yes, and exhausting. I just don’t know what’s truly effective in promoting change. Part of me wonders if full change is possible and we just need to be overcome/minimized/outnumbered. Its possible.

So I own a lot of contribution to this failure. This rage I feel is weird, particularly when I''m not going to be hurt much by any of this. I need to figure out what parts of it are grounded in empathy and which parts aren't. All I can do is be more honest about my missteps, my own lack of character and braver in talking about it and hope the journey will find some companions along the way. Or not, most of this is a journey we take alone, I guess.

Do you want to be angry or do you want to be effective, Diane. You can be both, but not when they cancel the other out.

[pinguwrites]

Kinktober 2023 | Day Seventeen — Jonathan Breech + recording

Pairing -> jonathan breech x girlfriend!reader

Warnings -> filming a porn video, exhibitionism kinda even though the video is private, cute, mention of pegging, possessiveness, , sex toys,

KINKTOBER 2023 MLIST

Disclaimer: On The Edge characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

You and Jonathan giggled as you ran down the hallway, hand in hand like a pair of schoolkids up to no good — which, you supposed you were, up to no good, but not at all the type you usually got into. 

It was your idea, actually. You weren’t really into porn, mostly because it wasn’t very enjoyable for you, with most of the content targeted towards men, but after shuffling through your old items, you came across a tape of a man and a woman together, one your friends had given you back in high school. 

You played it, all hot and bothered, and, with you and Jonathan’s relationship being very open, told him all about it. He thought it was hot, too, and suggested you watch it together, which promptly ended when he got all handsy and you all horny. 

It was then when you whispered in his ear, “Let’s make a video together.”

Jonathan’s blue eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face.

The very next day you bought some supplies. You both received some weird looks from the guy at the counter of the sex shop, but you ignored them, and prompty bought a couple of things you bought thought would be enjoyable.

One, a dildo and harness. It took a bit of coaxing, but you once eased Jonathan into the idea of pegging, he agreed (he was definitely more excited about it than you were, even though he didn’t say so). You also got some vibrators, a couple pecies of lingerie, and, of course, a recorder. Without it, everything was pointless.

“Slow down!” a nearby professor yelled, but you and Jonathan paid him no mind and simply ran past him. You both made it into Jonathan’s dorm room, where he said his roommate was visiting his family for the break. 

“Excited?” he asked, as he set up the recorder by his bed. “You know, I won’t hold it against ya if you back out.”

You snorted. “As if. But the same goes for you, too. Anytime you want to stop, we stop, okay?”

He hummed a ‘yes’.

You had already gone over a couple of ground rules before this, including wanting to stop, but it did no harm to mention it again. Amongst the safewords and no go’s (meaning the things you absolutely didn't want to try), you also talked about exactly what you would do with the video once you were finished.

You weren’t too opposed to publishing it on the internet. You heard recently that the market for this stuff was going up and it was much easier to start creating content now that everything was online, but the idea that someone you knew could stumble upon it was terrifying, especially now that you were still in college. You would rather wait until graduation before doing something so risky. 

Jonathan agreed, but you were almost certain it was for different reasons. He had always been a little possessive over you. If he wanted other people to see you two having sex, it was out of the reasoning that he wanted to show you off, show others what he had and they couldn’t. 

Jonathan hesitated before pressing the start button. “Ready?”

You nodded your head, a grin on your face. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

Taglist:

@rainyforest777

@thatwitchybitch420

@madeinuk

@gentyleman

@henrywintersdearestgirl

@shroombloom-rry

@meetmeatyourworst

[missmaymeltsmymind]

You are welcome in this place, but be warned, for dangers lay within...

Well met, friends. You enter the lair of Miss May, hypnotist, writer, and Dominant. I'm the horniest, kinkiest asexual you're ever likely to meet, apart from every other grey-ace I know, I have Extensive Opinions on Many Subjects, there's so many disabilities in this fleshy prison of Mine that it's almost easier to list the ones I don't have, and I am extremely interested in hypnosis for both sexual and non-sexual reasons, on account of the fact that it’s bloody witchcraft. In the (paraphrased) words of Sir Pratchett (GNU): just because you know how it works, doesn’t mean it’s not magic. The fact that it’s unbelievably hot doesn’t hurt, mind.

Age: I'm old enough to remember the idea of online privacy. The only thing you need to know about Me is that I am a legal adult. Fun fact: you can dox someone with their name, age, and hometown really easily. Don't tell the entire goddamned internet your personal information. Lie to corporations, for fuck's sake.

If, for some reason, this irritates you, please answer these questions: what's your name? What about your age? Mh-hm. Noted. And what high school did you go to? In what city or town? Okay, thank you. And, one last one, how many people on the entire planet share that exact same set of answers? Two? Three? None? Yeah. And you've brought this up in casual conversation how many times without thinking about it? On the internet, where literally anyone could find records of it? Protect your damned privacy.

Gender: Good question! Answer in progress. There's definitely more girl in there than I originally thought, but who knows if it's enough to win a majority vote in the pronoun elections. For now, please assume I will respond to most things. She/they is preferred, but I've found that there are specific scenarios in which I respond better to he/him or fae/faer. That said, if you have a new and exciting neopronoun I've never heard of before, please tell Me! I love funky genders. I collect them.

Sexuality: Queer. By specific flags, I'm Asexual (grey), Bisexual Lesbian (women by preference, but if you try to ignore My attraction to men and the Funky Options, I'm swapping your knees with your elbows), Aromantic (maybe?), Transgender (DEFINITELY), Nonbinary, and Polyamorous. Just - just go with Queer. It's so much quicker. I also accept Ace, because 1. It’s definitely the most important individual one, and 2. It makes Me sound like a fighter/mech pilot. Which is very cool. (But not a LAM pilot. Those things suck.)

Asks: Send them! I accept your queries and questions with relish! But be warned, pretty thing, if you approach My lair looking all delicious and vulnerable, I may decide to have a bite...

DMs: I will respond to DMs as soon as I'm able, but generally, I'd rather know you before I speak to you on there, with some exceptions. If you're a friend of a friend, or I'm communicating with you for professional reasons (I'm commissioning art from you, or editing some writing, that sort of thing), then speak freely, but do not be surprised if your message receives no reply. I'm a busy lady, I have many things to do.

My tags, of which there are many:

#Miss May's Magic - Inductions, hypnotic language, and other such things I, Myself, have made. Mantras, indoctrination posts, covert triggers… the list goes on. Abandon free will, all ye who enter here.

#How the Magic is Made: Informational posts about hypnosis. Do bear in mind that I love conversational/covert inductions, please. Enter at your own risk…

#Guard your Mind: Safety talks will go here. I have extensive opinions on this subject. Time will tell if they are revealed to you.

#Someone Else's Spellbook - If I see any ideas from someone else that I consider interesting, admirable, or just really goddamn hot, you'll find them here. Consider this a list of My personal favourites from others.

#Dominance as Joy - I'm a Dom. I'm always a Dom. I refuse to not love being a Dom. This involves some wants and needs considered 'violent' or 'distressing'. I want to degrade, hurt, and manipulate people, consensually, on purpose, for our mutual pleasure. I will not apologise for this. Fight Me. And by me I mean My thralls, because one of them has more muscles in their arm than I do in my entire body, and they can lift my ass up. Which is hot. Hi Dear!

That said, I do absolutely understand that you may not wish to see such things‚ so block this tag at your leisure. You are perusing My blog for your own reasons‚ I do not know them. If this is not to your taste, for whatever reason, I actively encourage you to look away.

#Powerful Playthings - Several of my hottest fantasies involve the unique interplay between submission and hypnosis, particularly the idea of having a switch control others for Me. You will find these ideas here. To be clear, I’m not a switch; I just enjoy a good bit of proxy warfare. Who doesn’t?

#Pretty Little Playthings - If I see any cute little subs being especially delectable and vulnerable, I may just have to comment... This may, of course, be to their detriment. Or their advantage; after all, shouldn't they want to serve Me?

#Thralls at All Times - CnC, constant control, unawareness, the unrelenting devotion to My will, anything that reminds My thralls that I command them at all times is found here. CnC is a personal favourite of Mine.

#Fuckery and Fun: Sometimes you just want to be silly. Hypnosis is an excellent tool for that.

#Kind On Purpose: Hypnosis can also be a tool used for immense kindness. Relaxation, de-stressing, massages with phantom touch, the eradication of fear, gender euphoria, hugs, intimacy, closeness. I choose to be kind on purpose.

#Cognitohazard Warning: Any spirals, swinging pendulums, hypnotic foci of all forms, they’ll be found here. I tend to avoid flashy ones by preference, but My standards may differ from yours, so if you’re at risk of eyestrain or worse, this is the tag to block. They should all be under readmores (and if you notice that one isn’t, please tell Me, I have not yet achieved apotheosis and can as such still make mistakes), but still, if you want to avoid those, block this. Or, if you want to be good for Me, have fun staring~

#Hot Shit - Listen, I may be ace, but people can still be hot. Sometimes. I like boobs. Boobs are good. Mmm, tiddy. Need to grow Me some of those…

#Project Masterwork: This one, my friends, I shall be keeping to Myself. Though, there is one person who might figure it out...

#Transgenderism and Faggotry: The gayest most trans shit imaginable. My ultimate goal is to create a post so transgender that it performs gender-reassignment surgery on everyone who reads it. And also causes Joanne Rowling to explode. Love trans people more than you hate transphobes, though. I'll know if you don't.

To be clear: this tag will be a celebration of queerness, never a challenge, or a discussion of, say, transphobia. While I may well discuss that topic, it will be tagged separately, under Masks Off, most likely. This is for joy, not for sorrow.

#The Gallery: I do love a good piece of Art. And art. Paintings, drawings, pixel art, and everything else, you'll find it here.

#Words Words Words - Should I ever feel the need to talk about my writing on this blog, or just writing in general, you'll find it here. Mostly this will relate to…

#The House of Fun - My kinky hypnotic writing universe. No clue if I'm ever going to talk about it here, but it does exist, and I assure you I am pioneering new and gayer forms of sex with every word I write for it. Also demons. Demons are hot.

#Mind Over Metal - Big robots, cybernetics, and mechs are extremely cool. No further information required. Also, yes, I am a robofucker. I see you, C&H Kalisto. I see that tetsubo. The things I would do to you are not covered by the Utopian Pillars.

#Speak of the Devil - I have a very specific kink for demons. Succubi, Tieflings, anything that carries hell in its heart, spells on its lips, and horns. More of my thralls should have horns, I think. The better for me to use as handles.

#Tally Five - Anything relating to my experiences with asexuality and how that affects my gender, kinkiness, and sexuality will end up here. It's a complex one, to be sure...

#Miss May's Meanderings - At some point, I will inevitably begin rambling about a subject partially or completely unrelated to hypnosis or kink. This will go here. Or I might also ramble about kink! That works too!

#Pinned to the Wall - Personal favourites, for whatever reason. Anything that particularly strikes My fancy can be found here. Note, this most certainly does not mean they're better in some way than the other posts - just that they stick with Me in a way others don't.

#Supplicants Speak to Me - A record of any asks I may receive from others, for good or for ill. Come into my parlour! It ended well enough for the spider‚ didn't it? Be at ease, honoured guest; the only dangers you'll find here are very, very enjoyable. I'm sure you'll agree with me on that... and on a great many other things, too.

#All are Welcome - Disability-related posts, specifically in regards to kink. Everyone is welcome here. Everyone. Regardless of how your bodies and minds may betray you, you deserve to be loved how you desire. This includes Me, too, hard as it is to remember some days...

#Masks Off - This is My 'serious issues' tag. If I'm putting this in play, I'm making a genuine point, going off on a major rant, or otherwise being far more direct and less hypnohorny than this blog normally is. Imagine Me turning off the spiral on-screen and replacing it with diagrams, or the like.

Divine Your Fate - The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that I have something of a divinity kink. I will admit, referring to Myself in capital letters is something of an affectation from this part of Me. This will be one part heretical conversation, two parts acts that would get Me banned from the church I used to go to, and one part lusting over the idea of corrupting the divine to My purposes.

#Remember It My Way - Memory play! Unawareness, memory modification, common sense alterations, long-term brainwashing, the occasional bit of gaslighting, induced forgetfulness... The list goes on. In fact, you're sure there's supposed to be more here... aren't you?

#Mesmerising Magecraft: Hypnosis is literal, actual magic, yes, but sometimes fiction creates more magical magics of magicness, and here shall they be found. Enchantments, spells, magical beings both benign and malevolent; this is the place for them.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

CW: exorsexism, transandrophobia, slurs, brief un detailed mentions and hints to SA, mentions of sex

This is going to be a VERY long anon, i apologize a thousand times, I am very long spoken and wrote about things ive experienced in the last decade of being trans. If anyone is going to respond to this please do so with compassion, not just towards me but to the people I mention, particularly my gfs. Im going to write about some very unhappy moments and i wont be accounting all the very happy moments I shared with these people. I want the take away from this to be “we should do something about the rampant transandrophobia and exorsexism in the community” and not “wow you sound unhappy, break up with ur gf”. Please be kind:

Im very hesitant to send in a transandrophobia/anti transmasc testimony for a couple of reasons. Ive sent someone else some anons about some of my situations before and it resulted in that person receiving more anons directed towards ME shaming me for venting about my trans girlfriend online; as well as some people saying rlly terrible things about my gf and telling me to break up with her and what not. In order to send a full testimony Im going to have to discuss some of those things my gf has said/done to me and im scared to do that because Im scared of what people will say again, Im fully aware of how shitty some of her actions have been but I am only talking about specific instances of our relationship, I wont be writing a novel about the rest of our relationship and how good it is otherwise just to convince strangers on the internet that maybe telling me to “kill” my gf is not a nice thing to say to someone.

Anyways, I wanna start at maybe a decade ago- when I first came out. I had heard about trans people before, and I even knew a few youtubers, but they were all trans women so i guess nothing really clicked for me. It wasnt until freshman year of high school, when I physically saw with my own two eyes that one of my classmates was a feminine trans man and it changed my life. About a week later I decided I was also a trans man and coincidentally my best friend AND my sibling also came out as trans. The next 4 years of high school I used a different name and he/him pronouns among my closest friends. Me and my sibling were (surprisingly) allowed to have autonomy over our hair for the first times in our lives and we both got the ftm pixie cut special lmaoo. My sibling got caught w his online gf by my dad and basically was forced to out himself- he tried telling our dad that he was pansexual and genderfluid (now he IDs as transmasc- not fluid anymore) and for the next 2-3 years i had to listen to my dad make fun of and ridicule those identities and go on long anti trans bathroom rants.

I had a few gfs in high school, when my transness wasnt acknowledged, I was known as “the ugly dyke” that was man hating and annoying. When my transness WAS acknowledged, I had boys harassing my gfs telling them Id never be a real man and that shes going to be disappointed with my “future mutilated penis” and that it would never be as good as “the real thing” (mind you I had never and still have never considered phalloplasty). I remember only really being openly trans on the internet and getting sent horrible shit from strangers- one thing that really stands out was when I was bombarded by a gaggle of cis men calling me a tranny and making assumptions about my body and voice- mind you I was only about 14-15 at the time.

I had that stupid ftm pixie cut for only the first 2 years of high school; i was a scrawny kid and a late bloomer in terms of puberty, Im also latino and very short- I wasnt passing as a boy- I was passing as a really off putting ugly brown girl, and I struggled to make friends. After sophomore year I started letting my hair grow, and my transness became more and more secret, I made friends with girls and crushed on them but kept everything about me a secret- scared that they would reject me and treat me like some mutant monster if they knew the truth. I started talking to boys and sometimes getting their attention. The last 2 years of high school is about when Kalvin Garrah and transmedicalism rose to fame, there was A LOT of sentiments going around about how if you were feminine then you couldnt possibly be a trans man- it all really started to confused me. So i kept trying to fit in with the girls, still using a different name and pronouns with my closest friends- but on the outside i was indistinguishable from a girl. I got braces, hit puberty and grew my hair out. Then I really started getting attention from boys. I did a lot of things i regret- touched people i didnt want to touch and let them touch me where I didnt want to be touched.

I watched how people, especially my peers, reacted to and treated trans people. The transmascs in my classrooms were endlessly mocked and made fun of, seen as ugly dykes and their gender was never respected. I was scared. And confused. The following bit of my life is very complex- and kind of specific- im not gonna go into too many details because I want to remain anonymous, but long story short: the rise of transmedicalism, the transphobia I experienced, and the sense of normalcy I gained from “being a girl” led me to socially detransition, I was still questioning whether I might not be cis but after I ended up essentially running away from my dad, i was basically couch surfing for places to live, and being a girl who could attract men made that so much easier. Men offered me places to live in exchange for… well… me. I ended up an 18 year old girl with a 38 year old boyfriend for over a year (there was 2 other bfs - and with each one i went through some really horrible life shaping trauma- but im not gonna go into that bc it doesn’t rlly have anything to do w me being trans and this anon is already a novel).

Eventually, while still living w one of these men; i met my primary gf, who was still “a boy” at the time. I honestly found her annoying at first cause she was just another annoying guy i worked with that would flirt with me relentlessly; but after we talked about some shared interests, and ESPECIALLY after she dropped me a hint that she was actually a woman - she reeaaally piqued my interest. Eventually we got together, and i came out as a lesbian, and she came out as a woman. She told me she wouldnt have started transitioning if it werent for my support. She told me that i made her feel safe and comfortable enough express her femininity (Which made me feel rlly good) but i remember sometimes feeling like I couldnt express too much of my own femininity and that i was getting pushed into more masculine roles in order to give her the experience of being “the girl” of the relationship.

She had a small circle of trans friends- I opened up to all of them about how I used to be a trans man in high school and how my best friend and my brother was trans, so I was regarded as somewhat a part of the community but I remember wanting to join in on conversations about being trans and holding myself back because “wait.. im not trans…” Eventually, after I was given a gender neutral nickname, I tried coming out to them all as nonbinary. I was still figuring it out myself- everything I had ever heard about nonbinary/genderfluid/etc people up until that point was just cis and trans people alike belittling them and making fun of those identities- so it was very new and scary and i was very hesitant to test those waters. My gf and her friends only somewhat acknowledged my enby identity, but continued to use my legal name and she/her pronouns.

Eventually, those anti trans/lgbt bills started rolling out if every state, especially ours. My gf woke up one day to me sobbing about how scared I was for our future- especially her future- the beginning of her transition was hard enough already and now our state wanted us to use certain bathrooms and possibly ban HRT. So we made the decision to move. It wasnt until the day we were driving to our new state where she was cracking jokes about being put in a camp for using she/her pronouns- that i decided to be bold and try to assert my identity. I tried cracking back an attempt at a comforting joke: “dont worry, ill be in here with you- for using any pronouns :)” She looked at me, and rolled her eyes: “tch, dont start with that shit.”

It fucking broke me. It still kinda breaks me now as im reminiscing and writing about it. This was maybe almost two years ago now? This is probably the worst most hurtful thing shes ever said to me- which is strange because weve had arguments where we cussed and yelled at eachother- but this one moment; I cant recall ever feeling THAT broken again. After a brief pause she immediately apologized, said something like “im sorry that was mean, that was my dad talking, dont listen to me” But the damage had been done. In my mind- in her eyes- my gender was a joke, something to be belittled, something not to be taken seriously. It hurt so bad because it had taken me so long to figure this out for myself, and it took so much courage to even crack that fucking joke about using different pronouns for me,all the while she had been telling me she wouldve never found the courage to transition without me just for her turn around and completely invalidate me when I was trying to come out to her- it fucking stung!

“Don’t start with that shit” i think those words might have physically torn my heart a little, i remember literally feeling the pain. I dont remember if it was that night or the next night, but we ended up discussing it, maybe even arguing?? I cant remember it clearly anymore but I know somehow I ended up SOBBING on the bed while she tried comforting me, like the most uncontrollable snot-blubbering sob session youve ever seen. She apologized so many times and she truly seemed remorseful, told me she couldn’t believe shed made me feel so lost and unsupported. I forgave her, and i cant remember if it was that same night or a different argument entirely where she called me by my birth name and i smacked myself so hard in the head that she finally got the message that I didnt want to be called that anymore. I started exclusively using they/them after that.

The following year had its ups and downs, we lived in a house full of other trans and enby people, it was a very special time in my life. I started presenting more androgynously and proudly wore my they/them pin and nonbinary earrings everyday to work. I was lucky enough to work in a queer environment and i had several trans coworkers, however all of my customers, all of my cis coworkers, and even most of my trans coworkers, would CONSTANTLY/always misgender me.

Ever since I was a little ftm in highschool I struggled as seeing myself as masculine- I wasnt feminine like the other girls either, and i definitely felt like an imposter among girls, but I certainly didnt feel like a “man”, and ive never felt particularly masculine. Ive always wanted to be in on “boy” things and “be one of the boys” but stereotypically masculine things didnt really interest me. When I initially came out as enby thats all i wanted to be, just an adrogynous person who does their own thing. But the CONSTANT misgendering from everyone INCLUDING my gf (WHO STILL SOMETIMES SLIPS UP MY PRONOUNS TO THIS DAY!!!!) and even some of my trans roommates made SUUUPPERR dysphoric. I started presenting exclusively masculinely, i had breakdowns about my voice and body until I couldnt take it anymore and basically emergency started HRT.

After starting T, i started identifying as transmasc, not necessarily because my gender felt “masculine-aligned” at the time, and moreso because from a medical standpoint I am transmasculine. I am on masculinizing hormone therapy, I plan on getting top surgery, and Ive considered meta bottom surgery- therefore physically i am transitioning to become more “masculine” in a sense, thus I am transmasc. I was presenting exclusively masculine to make up for my dysphoria, but told myself once the T started kicking in and my voice started dropping and i could see the results, that I would allow myself to feel comfortable expressing my femininity again. It has now been a little over a year since I started HRT, and I still have not allowed myself to present femininely save for a few nights out a bar or kink event (ill get into that in a sec).

Ever since I started T, no matter how many times (which has been a lot of times) Ive reiterated that I am genderfluid, that I have a masculine and a feminine gender, and that I am NOT a man and NEVER wanted to be one, my gf (and literally any person on the internet- queer or not) pretty much just regards me as a trans man. Even tho I am not one. My girlfriend constantly uses he/him/sir/daddy/etc for me. Ive asked her why she does that and even told her im uncomfortable being referred to as “daddy”, and she just says “its easier” (esp within the context of talking to cishet people- she refers to me as her “husband” and only uses mostly he/him instead of they… the cishet people see me and call me “maam” and she/her) and continues calling me whatever she wants.

Ever since I started T she pretty much exclusively wants to bottom when we have sex(were both bottom leaning switches). I practically have to have a breakdown to get her to top me- and even then I feel uncomfortable and i cant enjoy the sex until i flip her over and top her because i feel like im forcing her to do something she doesnt want to do. We are polyamorous and sometimes she tries to hook up with other men, and anytime a man hits her up wanting to bottom, she goes on a semi homophobic rant about why on earth would she want to top a man, and then she says not so nice things about their bodies. And then i point out that she kinda sees me as man and that i like to bottom, and then she tells me that i dont count because im not actually a man, and that when she talks about mens ugly bodies theyre not comparable to mine. She says all this while continuing to never top me.

Theres a lot of other things shes done since I started T, lots of jokes about how Im supposed to do certain things because im “the boy” and shes the girl. Im supposed to pay, im supposed to fuck(top), im supposed to drive, im supposed to kill spiders and wasps and other big scary bugs (we live out in the woods now- lots of big scary bugs) etc etc. She makes jokes about how “faggy” i am for a boy, she “jokingly” calls me a faggot when I express wanting to bottom/submit, she makes fun of other men AND me for “cross dressing” and just doesnt respond when i tell her im not a man or says “yeah i know im just joking”

Sometimes (very rarely) we go out to bars and events and these are some of the only times were I allow myself to be feminine. There is a queer kink event that gets hosted a few cities over, weve only been to this event 3 times. The first time- i presented masculine, chest taped and exposed, i was one of only 3 masculine presenting people there. Nobody talked to me that night, I was avoided like the plague. The second time I tried being more androgynous, tried wearing some makeup and girly clothes, but kept my hair short and curly and i kept my mustache. Some people actually talked to me this time. My gf and I met a very beautiful trans girl, we all got pretty fucked up and started touching on eachother, the 3 of us left to go have a threesome. The “threesome” was basically me getting cucked as that girl fucked my gf ON TOP of me and then they went to bed and I cried myself to sleep. Ever since I started T and presenting masculinely i feel SO undesirable and unwanted. I was joining those events hoping id find someone whod desire me and want to fuck me and instead got cucked and watched my gf get fucked instead. (Dw my gf acknowledged how weird that whole situation was and we pray we dont ever see that girl again lmaoo) We went to one more event. I straightened my hair, shaved my mustache, put on makeup, and put on some girly lingerie- i was indistinguishable from a girl.

My gf saw me, and her eyes lit up. She was looking at me in a way I havent seen at her look at me in so long. Hungry eyes. Desire. She thinks im beautiful and desirable and sexy as a girl. She made comments about wanting to fuck me all night. We went to the event, so many people talked to me, so many people danced with me, so many people kissed me and grinded on me. So many people desired me. I was a pretty girl that night and everyone liked me. We went home and my gf fucked me. I think about that night a lot, and about the first night when everyone avoided me; and i get real sad. Were planning on going to the event again, but I feel like I can only show up as a femme, otherwise no one will talk to me or care about me.

I have an additional gf now, she is also trans :) and shes a top, but we dont live together and our schedules are packed so i hardly get to see her. I love both of my gfs, but both of them have said things that made me feel… not so respected I guess?? Or like maybe my feelings arent being considered?? As far as my secondary gf goes, shes cracked a few jokes about “theyfabs” that made me uncomfortable… as someone who was afab and uses they/them.. her bestfriend is also literally a fem enby she/they afab person so im like… why would you post these jokes when two of the people closest to you could be considered “theyfabs”?? We also had a discussion where she admitted she thought it was weird for trans men and non binary(afab) people to say the word “tranny”. Though ive said it like once or twice infront of her and it didnt seem to bother her. Those are the only things my secondary gf has done to make me uncomfortable and I havent really spoken up much about them cause I guess im scared of having those conversations and somehow getting hurt/made even more uncomfortable.

My primary gf has also cracked at least one joke about “theyfabs” and has said stuff along the lines of “transmasc have it easier than transfems” (mostly in reference to our transitions but also in terms of oppresion). Which is strange that she thinks transmascs pass way easier than transfems because she passes 8/10 times and I pass 0/10 times. Im pretty sure she ALSO said something about only transfems are referred to as trannies and then i had to remind her about the whole “tranny” voice trend and how many times I’ve personally been called that word.

About a month or two ago…(this is the situation I had sent someone else an anon over and then got told simultaneously to kill my gf and that i was an asshole for complaining about my trans gf publicly).. even though i hardly get topped, i worked up the courage to ask my gf to top me anally while I wore my strap, for the gender euphoria of getting fucked “like a man” while having a penis. She said “I feel like yall are just culturally appropriating transfems now”…. I was GOBSMACKED… i muttered something about gay men and she goes “oh yeah i forget men exist haha” (kinda unrelated but it feels worth mentioning that several times she has admitted to me that she completely forgets that trans men exist… even though she kinda sees me as one and several of our friends are trans men) needless to say, i did not get fucked while wearing the strap, and i dont know if ill ever work up the courage to ask someone to do that for me again.

This ask is already way too fucking long and i need to wrap this up but not included in the above stories are the countless times online where binary trans men and women have been racist to me while telling me why transandrophobia isn’t real and why i shouldn’t be invading lesbian and women spaces and that im a trans misogynist for being uncomfortable about the word “theyfab” etc etc/other common things transandrophobes like to say.

So. Yeah.

TLDR; my trans gfs, a lot of my trans friends, and a lot queer spaces have an aversion to masculinity and tend to be pretty exorsexist; and I feel like im only treated with respect as well as only ever desired when i present feminine. In trans spaces I am told im not trans for being enby, in lesbian spaces im told im not lesbian for being transmasc, and in transfeminist spaces im either a ftm who has privilege over transfems and im inherently trans misogynistic or im a cis woman “theyfab” who wants to feel special and is also inherently transmisogynistic.

.

[convenientalias]

Why You Should Watch White Christmas (the 2011 Kdrama): A Manifesto

Yesterday I was watching White Christmas (specifically episodes 4 and 5) for the fourth time. I watched it for the first time like five years ago and all my feelings are still there and still potent so today I am here to tell you that you should watch it too.

THE BASICS:

Seven kids at an elite private high school over winter break. They stayed there because they all received mysterious black letters, accusing them of vague, nonspecific crimes and claiming that on New Year's Day someone will die. When they find out that ALL of them received this letter, they decide one of them must have been the one to send it--and they set out to discover who it was. In the meantime, a giant blizzard shuts down all the roads, and telephone and internet connections go down as well, leaving the school isolated and all on campus trapped there together.

things develop from there.

THE CHARACTERS:

Park Moo-yul: A Good Boy. His grades are constantly second highest in the school; he's obsessed with studying and wants to someday come in first. Sort of a leader type, he tries to organize the investigative efforts (and later, keep things from falling apart--except, much as he'd like to believe it, he's not immune to the Lord of the Flies effect lols). For the first couple episodes, he's sort of the main/POV character, but by the end it's more of an ensemble cast show. In the episodes I just watched, there are multiple scenes with him staring down a gun and waiting to get shot. Some ppl think he's boring but I love a guy with a hero complex.

Choi Chi-hoon: The Genius. The first place to Park Moo-yul's second. People call him unemotional and heartless; it turns out later he does have difficulty feeling emotions due to a neurological issue. Loves science, interested in the black letters as a puzzle but for a while pretends not to be. The least likely to go Lord of the Flies but his Very Logical plans are often actually very risky.

Yoon Eun-sung: The Only Girl. (except for that one other woman who shows up later but she's not one of the seven so we're not counting her.) Used to be the most popular girl in school and also Park Moo-yul's girlfriend but then she Changed (aka she developed depression). Sarcastic and possibly suicidal. Everyone is OBSESSED with her (well, four, arguably five characters are obsessed with her, but this show only has a total of 11 characters so that's really too many).

Also, she's played by Esom, so if you like Esom, you should watch White Christmas.

Lee Jae-kyu: Why are you here???? For the first few episodes, that's a genuine question; he doesn't have an apparent connection to the others in the group, and it's a mystery why the black letter sender would have any grudges against him. It turns out later he has some secret issues. He's a bit of a snake in the grass. I won't go into it.

Yang Kang-mo: He wants to be a reporter someday! His nickname is Cameraman Yang, and he's always carrying a camera around. He's deaf, and partly as a result, gets bullied a lot. He is the favorite character of the friend I was watching this show with yesterday. Also there's a whole episode of him getting chased around with baseball bats, look forward to it.

Jo Young-jae: A bully, a coward and a messed up kid. A line he says in the show is, "Yes, I'm used to people hating me. To the extent that I'm scared when people don't hate me. But you made me hate myself!" A line someone else says to him is, "You're not a bad person. You're weak. If everyone knew how weak you were, they wouldn't hate you." To watch Jo Young-jae have multiple mental breakdowns, watch White Christmas, I promise it is very fun.

Also, he's played by Kim Young-kwang, so if you like Kim Young-kwang, you should watch White Christmas.

Yoon Su: His nickname is Angel. In general, it requires incredible academic acumen to go to Susin High; Yoon Su got in bc his parents donated money to the school. He's a loner and does not want to be here; his ambition in life is to be a musician, and he loves playing the guitar. He has some mental health issues and takes (unspecified) recreational drugs. He also has a giant grudge. Against who? Stay tuned to find out.

Also he's played by Lee Soo-hyuk, so if you like Lee Soo-hyuk, you should watch White Christmas.

Kang Mi-reu: THIS BOY IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. Remember how I said seven kids got letters, seven kids stayed at the school? Meet kid number eight. Kang Mi-reu didn't get a letter and he didn't get permission to stay on campus either; technically he's on probation and on his way to being expelled. He sneakily stayed on campus to investigate who framed him for exploding a statue, the reason for his expulsion. He can go through air vents and has a great theme song. He wants to solve his problems with violence. Actually he once beat Choi Chi-hoon at academics but got pissed off at always losing to him and gave up on being a perfect student. We all love Kang Mi-reu.

Also he's played by Kim Woo-bin so if you like Kim Woo-bin, you should watch White Christmas.

Yoon Jong-il: The teacher who stayed on campus to supervise. Wow, I'm sure with a responsible adult around, there will be no chaos or violence breaking out on campus.

Kim Yo-han: He's not even affiliated with the school. He got in a car accident near it and then got stuck here due to the storm. He keeps getting concussions/broken bones/deadly fevers. Also, he's a psychiatrist, and finds all the weird shit going on at the school rather intriguing.

IS IT SHIPPY?

I mean, is there any actual romance? No.

Do we see slow burn friendships develop from suspicion to deep trust and affection over the course of the show? Also no.

Do I think some of these people should make out? Yeah.

A few ships I have specifically:

-Choi Chi-hoon/Park Moo-yul: Obvious rival ship, overemotional dude/kind of cold dude, leader type/genius type. There is also some hurt/comfort towards the end that I really can't describe without spoilers but the mix of resentment and trust is immense.

-Kang Mi-reu/Park Moo-yul: This is my just for fun ship. Good boy/bad boy vibes. Also Kang Mi-reu seems to actually listen to Park Moo-yul when for the most part he won't listen to anyone. Also he snuck into Park Moo-yul's bedroom once while he was sleeping and teased him about the fact that he and all the others got black letters and won't the sender be so offended he dares to sleep instead of sitting up paranoid all night. I just think they're cute.

-Yang Kang-mo/Jo Young-jae: Yes this is a bully/victim ship which is not usually my thing, but I love both of them and also Young-jae is so pathetic and Kang-mo honestly scares him at multiple points. Meanwhile Kang-mo is kind of tired and fed up with him but at this point has sort of a weird connection with him regardless. They know each other.

-Yoon Eun-sung/Jo Young-jae: Young-jae is my favorite of the dudes who's obsessed with Eun-sung, and the most toxic of them as well. She used to be perfect and he had a resentful crush on her for that; now she's kind of messed up but still aloof and superior, and he still wants and hates her at the same time. And she knows, and teases him about it, and he acts nonchalant but you can tell it grinds at him. The best m/f dynamic of the show.

I have a bunch of other ships.... explaining them involves spoilers so I'll just list a few: Kang Mi-reu/Yoon Su, Yang Kang-mo/Yoon Eun-sung/Park Moo-yul, Lee Jae-kyu/Choi Chi-hoon, Lee Jae-kyu/Jo Young-jae.

BUT, PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY... THE VIBES!!!

I love the characters of White Christmas but I mostly rewatch it so much bc 1) the pacing is on point and 2) it's so cinematically satisfying.

In terms of plot and pacing--Everything moves fast. Each episode is very distinct from the others, the plot consistently moving forward at a breakneck pace. Each episode I would say gets a little faster and wilder (with the exception of episode 3, perhaps, which moves a little slow--but then episode 4 goes completely unhinged, so it's a fair exchange). There is shit going on and they are going to cram a whole show's worth of content into 8 episodes and you are going to eat it.

In terms of production: Visually stark. Lots of glass and snow and shadows everywhere. Fun shots. A great soundtrack. For one thing, Wake Up by Arcade Fire recurs a lot and the vibes are immense and very teenage angst and "what the fuck am I supposed to do".

Anyways here's some shots I think convey the vibe:

ANYWAY.

Watch White Christmas! And if you do, or if you've already watched it, please talk to me about it! I am currently in the White Christmas feelings, as I often am this time of year.

[aphrostiel]

Thank you for showing JC as a human being and for reminding me that there is love in Christianity. I know there is, because my mother is a very good lovely woman and she’s very faithful, but I get very depressed seeing how people use Christ and the Bible for cruelty and hatred, and I’m very appreciative of your JC and the Palestinian gazelle. Thank you.

(this text might be long so I'm sorry for any bad wording) First of all thank you very much for your kind and sweet words, people like you all are the reason I can keep pushing forward, other than my love for art.

On the topic of doing Christian art, I must say I was anxious at first, because in the past I didn't have a good experience in a religious group (high school) and some people often made fun of what I drew. So I didn't know, and don't know, how it can be received on the Internet. I of course respect every view, nobody has to like my art, and that's okay. What I really don't like are words of hate which I'm very grateful to say I didn't receive. On the contrary, I see a lot of love towards this type of art and that's really inspiring.

It's sad to see how many people get damaged with religion, ever since I was little I just never understood why something that promotes love can cause so much hate, as an adult... I still don't get it. But it happens, and I understand why people break their bond with religion. I just want to say that it's okay, I'm so sorry that people rejected you and hurt you. Know that there are people and communities who are very open and friendly (some hard to find, I will admit), so if you ever want to go back to your Faith, you can. There is no rush, I just say that the door is always open.

My relationship with God, like everyone else's, is very personal and I think showing it in the form of art feels very good to me, and helpful to give a message (like the Palestinian gazelle drawing you mentioned) There's something comforting I feel everytime I draw something like this, too. My latest drawing of Snoopy with Jesus pretty much summaries my relationship with Him: a relaxing person, friendly, who you can talk to about everything, anytime, someone who creates this safe space for you. He's my best friend, and I love that. <3

[orbital-inclination]

Me: I do not need another thing to think about I’m in the middle of drafting a comic and some 4-5k ish words into two chapter drafts I do not need—

My brain: ok but what if in an inverse twist of the undertale multiverse, all au monsters are sentient/robotic androids, sort of like how bitties are in Bitty AUs. With different “brands” representing different AUs. Thus allowing things like “coding” to have a very literal meaning. Underfell bots are constructed for gladiator cage match’s for the entertainment of betters (and probably 100% illegal), Swapfell Gold and AU off shots are military androids sent off to fight wars for their human owners and governments so human soldiers never have to be faced with the brutality of their nation’s international policies. Meanwhile, Class, Swap, and Outer are all domestic brands with varying emphasis on subgenres; pop stars, fashion icons, artificial internet celebrities designed to market certain company’s as “approachable” to the masses, or even legal unpaid domestic servants or nannies.

(Info dump continues below)

Outcodes are fun because they are individuals who were corrupted in some way, and therefore considered disposable by the company who made them. Realizing this individually or because another outcode contacted them, most who are still online out in the world are in hiding. A caught outcode is sent back to the factory to be destroyed and recycled. It’s a death sentence.

On The Star Sans: Dream, Blue, and Ink are outcodes who independently escaped captivity, met each other through happenstance and have since established not just a team but a found family in the process. They live double lives, by daylight they pose as functional domestic bots, and by night they are the Star Sanses, heroes of Ebott City! Motivated by the altruistic desire to help others in need (humans included) but especially other monsters/bots who need help.

Legally, a domestic bot must be registered to a human owner. Normally the bot has no control over this. Dream, Blue and Ink have found a way to bypass this system. Independently they’ve picked out decent people to live with. The humans are unaware they’ve been setup. Dream picked a kind but lonely elder woman, who without family nearby, needed someone to help her live safely and independently. She sees Dream as the grandson she never had. To the surprise of no one, Ink chose an artist; an eccentric magician who moved to Ebott from France, intending to settle down after trotting across the globe for a good couple decades. Ink has accepted him as a father figure. Blue is happily rooming with a professional athlete who volunteers to coach at the local high school, the women has a busy professional life and when she’s gone, he has run of the house and equipment.

Error specifically is one example of a horrible tragic case of a classic sans being tossed into gladiator rings, miraculously survives his first match and than every single one after that but at a steep cost. The brutality of the ring gradually corrupts his code because he is being forced into a function that conflicts with the programming he was “born” with, (the birth of Geno), and later, utterly desperate, Geno hacks into his own systems. Though surviving the attempt is not intentional, he does. His owner, believing him to be defunct throws him out. Error awakens in a trash heap, finally free; and vows untold destruction on the men who made him. (And naturally all of Ebott city too)

And also later: Y/N finds and mends Error’s battered body (after a vicious fight with another outcode) and this starts a very tentative relationship or something idk this is as far as I got.

[inhibitionfreewriting]

r u a noah kahn enjoyer? not sure if ur taking requests rn but northern attitude for ludwig

oh not this song make me feel a lot of emotions 😳 okay.

listen. i've never heard this song until you suggested it. first of all, thank you for the suggestion. second of all, my heart vomited this up but i like it.

there will be AT LEAST a part 2 because when i got to where i got to i was like okay time to put it down and look at this again tomorrow. this is my version of putting down a piece of art to look at mistakes tomorrow, except i'll be writing more tomorrow.

-- PART 1 --

You and Ludwig hadn't seen each other in a few years, a fall out due to graduation and time. It's funny, they say you'll lose the friends you made in high school but the ones in college are friends for life, yet here you were with one of your friends from high school asking you how you knew Ludwig.

"We went to college together. We were study buddies, how do you know Ludwig?"

"He's a streamer - how do you," she stopped and put the picture frame down. "How do you not know that? You're online, like, all the time?" You shrugged. You were on your computer all the time but you worked on graphic design, you weren't necessarily on the internet. Half the time you just listened to music.

The curiosity gets to you though, would he remember you? You certainly remembered him - plenty of nights in one of your rooms, working on homework together, a night or two drinking shitty wine and watching a movie. A love found but lost.

you: hey ludwig not sure if you still have my number but we were friends in college, heard you are a big streamer now, good use of an english degree lol

An olive branch, a life line, even. You put your phone down, either he'd delete it because you seem like some random fan or he had your number blocked. Within minutes though, you had a reply.

Ludwig: how could i forget you i wouldn’t have passed biology without you. glad SOMEONE appreciates my english degree; usually i’m roasted for it 💀

You laughed. You made fun of him for it from the moment you met him, it made sense that everyone else did too. Conversation flowed easily. You couldn't remember the last time you laughed so hard, and honestly, he couldn't either. It was easy for you two to fall back into a rhythm, like it had only been a weekend apart.

Ludwig: would you ever want to get lunch or something?

He would never admit to how long it took to get the courage to ask, just as you would never admit how little thought you put into your 'yes of course!' reply.

--

Just a few days later and you were walking into a little café with him standing up to greet you and banging his knee into the table, yelping.

"Oh my god you didn't have to stand, I'm not the president," you laughed, crossing the distance and embracing him in a long awaited hug. He returned it, shrugging off your comment and for the first moment of many today, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Ludwig's arms tight around you, he still smelled like the same mix of deodorant and cologne. Something akin to a forest, teakwood... maybe birch. Something generic but home to you.

"It's good to see you," his voice was quiet in your hair, almost lost. There was a pounding in his chest that made his hands sweat and when you pulled away he anxiously rubbed his palms against his jeans. You both sat, your bag sliding between your feet at the table and conversation flowed like a waterfall.

How has life been? How are your folks? Do you still talk to anyone from school? How do you like streaming? What's been the best part of the experience? Are you in love with anyone? What do you do now, for work? Do you like it? Do you still go to the movie theater? Do you still think of me when you watch Crimson Peak?

"Do you still have that stuffed chipmunk I won you?" He leaned back in his seat and knocked his feet into yours. Suddenly, the embarrassment bubbled up onto your face, cheeks getting hot-hot-hot and he noticed. "If you don't it's okay."

"No I- I do. I uh," you felt like you were going to pass out, Ludwig leaned forward and rested his head in his hands, a shit-eating grin sliding onto his face. "I still sleep with it? It just. Lives on my bed." He wanted to tease you about it, keeping such a stupid memento for the past, what 5-6 years? But any comment was caught in his throat. "Well, say something already! I know you want to!"

"I-I'm just happy you still have it... would have thought you'd toss it out or somethin'," he found it hard to look you in the eyes, choosing to look at the cup on the table.

"How could I ever throw Mr. Stripes out? He was basically our mascot to get through tests. He's my good luck charm." You knocked your foot into his a few times, light taps and he looked back up at you with an almost nervous smile.

Hours had passed, drinks and snacks had come and gone. Your volume had only gotten louder and the laughter more rambunctious. One of the employees came over and Ludwig wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, we're about to close for the rest of the day. Do either of you maybe want anything to go?" You shook your head, finally calming down from laughter.

"Thank you, I'm okay. Lud?"

"I'm good too," he shook his head, standing up. "Sorry if we deterred any customers, didn't mean to be so loud." The worker shook her head with a pleasant smile.

"It was nice to see you and your girlfriend on such a nice date."

"Oh we're not-" "We're not dating."

"Oh! I'm so sorry. Anyway - we close in a few minutes. We hope to see you two again." She left before you could reassure her it was fine and not an issue but Ludwig was holding his hand out like you need the help to stand up. You take his hand regardless after grabbing your bag.

"You uh, wanna come back to my place?"

"Sure."