#just because i'm feeling sad and pathetic and like a failure

[theflyingfeeling]

...🤔

[jesuistrestriste]

Idk if anyone can hear me on this but we don't have anywhere near enough fics about comforting older men with erectile dysfunction 💔 I'm pleading for a divorced!art fix about this 🛐‼️(ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ʷ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵈᵃᶜʳʸᵖʰᶦˡˡᶦᵃ)

-balls anon (can I have a name that isn't balls anon:()

balls anon, i hear your cries. (also yes, pls pick a new anon name if you want loll)

i adore the concept of comforting dilf!art <3

like he told you the first time you tried to have sex with him that he has some.. problems .. in the bedroom. he explained how he’s ‘working on it’—recalling all of the times he’s been to his primary care physician for it, how he’s tried the little blue pill, and detailing the three (3) psychiatrist appointments he forced himself to go to. all of the time and effort has only left him feeling worn out; a failure of a man.

so when you look up at him when he’s hovering above you, desperately trying to jerk himself off to get his dick hard for the umpteenth time since the two of you got together, he can’t swallow down the emotions quick enough before he’s sniffling and choking on the tears pooling in his eyes.

and god, it’s sad. it’s more than sad, it’s heartbreaking. you know how hard he’s been trying to satisfy you; you know that every time you two decide to skip penetration for the night because of his ‘issue’, he dies a little inside. you can watch it happen in real-time— the look of shame in his glossy blue eyes, the awkward chuckle that spills from his chest, the way his hands retreat from your body.

so it doesn’t take much more than his brow wavering before you’re frowning and sitting up to wrap your arms around him, rubbing your palms up and down his trembling back as he drops his forehead to your shoulder and starts to sob. the cries come out all pained and stifled, his fingers digging gently into your hips as he silently begs you to tell him that he’s not a disappointment.

“i’m,” he shakes his head, choking on a hitched breath, “i’m sorry… i’m sorry, i’m sorry…”

all he can think about is how much younger you are than him, and how all you should be doing at this time in your life is having amazing sex (and how he is failing to provide that for you, the person he wants to provide for the most).

you feel the warm wetness from his flushed cheeks drip over your bare skin, sliding down your chest as you bring your right hand up to stroke his hair. that only makes him cry harder.

“Art… c’mon, babe… it’s fine, it’s alright, you know it’s okay,” you try to reassure him in the most tender voice possible.

he just wraps his arms around you tighter. he can’t bring himself to say what he wants to say, it’d only make him seem more pathetic. but fuck, he wants to beg for your forgiveness, for every time he couldn’t get it up, for putting that look on your face that you always plaster on when you don’t want to make him feel bad — like he’s some sort of dying pet that you’re about to put down. one last ball-toss before fido gets the kiss of death. ugh.

he hates himself.

“you deserve more than this,” he whispers shakily into your neck, two more fat tears dribbling down his face, “this is such bullshit. i’m bullshit, my body’s a fucking mess, but i should at least be able to—“

but he’s cut off when you snake your hands to cup his face, pulling him back from your chest to look over his expression. it hurts to see him so shattered; puffy eyes and wet lashes and a bitten bottom lip. you can tell he’s scared that you’re about to admit your frustration with him.

“i love you.”

you breathe the words out gently, looking between his eyes as he tries to blink away the sting of the tears. your thumbs stroke his skin.

“i love you, okay? i love you. this— all of this— doesn’t change that. you know that. i’m with you, baby.”

and art just crumbles again. this time, though, for a different reason.

he’s slumping against you and nodding, his hands splaying over your shoulders as he presses his body to yours.

god, what did he ever do in his sad, disaster-of-a-life to deserve you? to deserve this kind of understanding? he’ll never know.

“i love you too,” he clings to your very being, closing his eyes, “m-more than anything, more than everything.. i’m sorry..”

you kiss the side of his head, deciding to just let him have this breakdown. maybe this is what he needs.

“more than everything,” you whisper, “it’s gonna be okay..”

[descendant-of-truth]

Sooo has anyone else noticed that Chaos Sonic seems to know things about Sonic that he logically shouldn't?

He constantly brings up Sonic's failures, describes him as looking "sad and pathetic" and being "tragic" when Sonic doesn't even look upset, and seems to have inherited chili dogs as his favorite food to boot.

But the Chaos Council doesn't know about Sonic's biggest failures. They don't know that he feels sad about anything, or that he likes chili dogs. Not even Nine knows these things in detail, and even if he did, we're not given any indication that he told the Council anything after giving them the initial idea for Chaos Sonic by accident.

And yet, he takes every opportunity to poke at Sonic's insecurities, even targeting his friends and blaming him for getting them hurt.

How does he know Sonic well enough to make these kinds of targeted remarks? I like that he can, it leads to a lot more interesting interactions than if he couldn't, but what's the in-universe explanation?

Well, Sonic absorbed some of the Prism's energy when it shattered, and Chaos Sonic was created mostly with the energy from the shards. While this could give them a sort of mental connection, it doesn't seem to go both ways, and I have a slightly more specific theory for how it all works.

That being: I think the Prism itself knows Sonic. Which is kind of a bold claim, I think, but hear me out.

First of all, the energy that's in Sonic's body (once tempered with Nine's tech of course) adapts his gloves and shoes to his environment in ways that'll protect him. New Yoke doesn't require anything special, but the Boscage Maze has tall trees that are difficult to climb, so it gives him retractable claws. No Place is filled with water, and Sonic can't swim, so he gets hover shoes to keep him afloat even if he falls in.

That's a suspicious amount of intent going on there, isn't it? And they appear the instant Sonic enters a new world, so he doesn't even encounter the obstacles his clothes are protecting him from before getting them. It's like the energy already knows what the world is like and what Sonic's capabilities are.

Secondly, Shadow reacts physically to the giant sparkly specter of Tails that shows up in the void, which tells me that those are all Actual Things that the Prism conjured up.

And that's. kind of weird, right? I just assumed these were symbolic of memories flashing through Sonic's head, but I guess they're also flashing through space itself, which I will admit did get a laugh out of me the first time I watched it

(They might not be "memories" exactly since we never flashback to when these lines were originally said, but they're certainly Something that came from Sonic's head so my point still stands)

Finally, when the Chaos Council uses the Prism energy to make the Giant Eggman, it specifically takes the form of the original. That didn't come from Mister Doctor's imagination - that's how Sonic remembers Eggman.

Not to mention, they keep hammering home how uniquely linked Sonic is to the Prism, so why not have it be the other way around? I'm not saying that the Paradox Prism has to have any kind of sentience for this theory to work (in fact I'd be surprised if it did), but it could be acting as a sort of container for data on Sonic, just like how Sonic is a container for its power.

And if that's the case, then it explains how Chaos Sonic knew so much; he's tapped into that very data bank from the get-go. It also complicates the question of how to restore the Prism a bit, because yeah Sonic might have to put his energy back into it, but does the Prism have to give anything back to him in return?

Regardless of the answer, I'm really looking forward to learning more about how the Paradox Prism works (and also any potential future Chaos Sonic appearances because I loved every moment he was on screen)

[sleepymarimo]

𝕚 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕓𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤

summary: he didn't know that being yours could be so painful pairing: sanji x gn!reader cw: pining (but is it mutual??) takes place during wci, so spoiler warning! an: honestly? just sad. i may have shed a tear while writing?? idk, y'all know my style 😭 this am event got me all emotional. not a lot of dialogue, mostly descriptions of feelings and all that, so wc: 650 ⤷ based on this song! ⤷ part of this arctic monkeys mini event!

he swears it's one of the hardest things he's ever had to do.

but it was for the crew, right? it was for you?

even so, it didn't make it any easier. no amount of justification could make him feel confident in his choice. it was his unfortunate fate.

your eyes, irises that once looked towards him with joy and a glimmer of adoration, were now filled with fear and betrayal.

nami's wrath seemed like a blessing compared to what you had to offer him. 

he wanted you to slap him. scream at him. at least then, he'd feel your touch. he just wants anything other than that cold, distant gaze that made him feel like a stranger.

you cradled luffy in your arms, using yourself as a shield to protect him from further harm. the blond's heart crumbles in his chest. were you afraid of him? did you finally see him for the monster he was? it feels like his insides are getting carved out, like hot lava was bubbling in his throat and burning his lungs.

sanji wishes he can explain. he wants to tell you that it'll be okay and that this is for you. 

he'd kiss the ground you walked on, everyday for the rest of his life, if it meant that you would give him a chance to be loved by you. to be used by you.

he wants nothing more than to kneel on the dirt and beg for forgiveness. he'd let you push him to the ground with the heel of your shoes until his bloodied knees hit the bedrock of the earth. anything and everything you'd ask of him, he'd do.

because all he's ever wanted was to be yours.

pudding was a treat in her own right, sure, but you were something else entirely.

your laugh was like honey, sickeningly sweet and capturing him in a sticky web of infatuation. your voice was a liquor so strong that he'd find himself tipsy after a simple hello. your touches made him feel as if he was having his first meal in decades. as much as he wants to savor each and every flavor you offer, another part of him wants to swallow you whole.

actually? he wants you to be the one to consume him. the blond wouldn't mind being chewed up by you, reduced to pieces. the thought of being surrounded by you in your entirety is rather appealing.

he has to walk away, not being able to bear it. he has to hide it, has to push it away because, like everything else he did, this was for you.

the reluctance in his steps is masked by feigned apathy, the finality of his steps contrasting with his trembling fists. his nails dig into his soft hands, knuckles white.

then he hears it.

the sound that makes his steps falter, just ever so slightly.

a choked out sob of his name, spilling from those pretty lips of yours that he just wants to capture in his own. it's so pathetic sounding, so lowly of you to beg for a failure like him. "sanji!" you cry, each sniffle and ragged exhale ripping his heart to pieces. "please! don't go!"

even after all that he's done, you're still pleading for him?

he feels nauseous, forcing himself to continue walking towards the carriage that would carry him to his doom.

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. it plays on and on, repeating in his head like a broken record. a part of him hopes it'll drown out the sound of your cries.

in the carriage, while his brothers are mocking the desperate show you put on, sanji rakes his hands through his blond hair. he finds little comfort in how his fingers brush through his scalp. his body trembles and he breaks, tears spilling from his eyes.

was it always this hard, being yours?

taglist: @dimplewonie

[edensxgarden]

hi so first of all the amount of cockwarming blurbs you’ve been writing recently makes me so so happy!

second of call can we maybe talk about cockwarming logan or charles? like they both tried so so hard this past weekend and didn’t get the results they worked so hard to achieve so they’re both a little sad and just need to be inside you and feel like everything will be okay?

Aww I'm glad you enjoyed! After Vegas and everything else going on my Logan deserves some attention!

The two of you were so excited after quali!! It'd been such a tough year for Logan and this was huge for him! The two of you were like giggly teenagers as you sipped on sweet champagne, celebrating him <3

But after the gp, there was absolutely nothing to celebrate. It was just yet another week where Logan was stuck out of the points and in the end it all was for nothing :(

And the little sad puppy look Logan had on his face made your heart shatter! He was such a talented driver, he just wasn't getting the opportunity to show it and you knew it was making him question his own abilities :(

After the race, the two of you decided to skip the festivities and just head back to the hotel. Logan was heartbroken at yet another promising week ending in failure and you internally decided it was your mission to make him feel better!

You offered to order in his favorite foods and watch his favorite shows and you tried your very best to bargain a smile onto his face but nothing was working and you just hated seeing your boyfriend like that :(

So you decided to do the one thing you always knew would put a smile on his face.

You made your way to where Logan sat on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels to find something to take his mind off the poor race result :(

You walked over to him, nothing but an oversized Williams t-shirt covering your body and sat on his lap, your needy cunt leaking onto his jeans

The damp stain on his pants embarrassed you but you knew it was worth it because Logan lifted his hips and quickly shuffled his jeans and boxers off until his halfhard dick rested against his toned tummy <3

And you just sat yourself down on it, letting your warm, plushy walls accommodate to Logan's pretty dick, savoring the way his fat tip felt so deep in your cunt.

And you instantly felt his tense body relax against you as he laid his head in your shoulder and let out a small whimpery moan. He sounded so needy and pathetic and it made your cunt tighten around his sensitive cock which made him moan again and it was just an endless cycle :(

But after a few short minutes with your pretty pussy hugging his dick and your nails softly scratching his scalp, his sweet moans turned into sleepy snores as he dozed off with a smile <3

[egg-emperor]

I can't believe people think making Eggman into a depressing pathetic failure and secretly insecure groveling woobie loser incel that's miserably desperate for love, with the only reasons he's evil being due to mommy and daddy issues and bullying, isn't even really evil or even enjoy being evil, and can be completely changed in a second by the power of love and family- is actually a good and preferable characterization for him

I'm so happy game canon Eggman isn't like that at all. That he really has immense genuine self love and confidence, that it's not "Woe is me why won't anyone love me", instead being like "YEAH I'm the fucking best smartest and sexiest person ever and I know I deserve the world and you WILL worship and serve and obey me if you want to live lol" His true self love and confidence and entitlement is his entire motivation instead of a sob story

^ His self praise and confident full of himself laughter and stride, this is a man who truly believes he's the best fucking thing on the planet and deserves it all (and he's so right lol)

You can always see his immense passion for his evil and ruling the world and deep belief in his self love and superiority, with his wide grin of absolute glee, jolly laughter, and energetic enthusiasm. He doesn't need validation, he KNOWS he's the best and DEMANDS everyone else to acknowledge what he already knows, it's why he wants to be worshipped and praised by the entire planet and rule and run it his way

It makes him so fucking charming because he's a major asshole and does super evil fucked up shit but he's so damn passionate about it and having such a blast you have to adore him for it. That's what makes him lovable and it's so much better than the scenario of if it was just because he's so pathetic and insecure and desperate and sad that have to feel sympathy and want to fix him. He has real qualities

I'm so happy that Eggman isn't going anywhere because he's the one true main Eggman in the games and that's never gonna change. The passionate evil genius who genuinely loves himself so much that he feels he deserves the world literally and loves trying to accomplish it with fun diabolical evil. And his passion, enthusiasm, and unshakable confidence keeps him dedicated to accomplishing it because he truly believes he can do it

That's my boy and I'm so happy that he'll always be here to stay 🥰💜

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

The family you make

Azriel's week: Day 1

Hosted by: @azrielappreciationweek

Word count: 1300+

You returned to the House of Wind more mentally than physically exhausted, tears stinging your eyes. You regretted the silly decision the moment you stepped into your parents' house. How could you be so naive to think things would change? After so many years that only proved that your parents wouldn't change. Never.

For them you were the biggest disappointment in their perfect lives. Whatever you did, nothing was enough, nothing was good. Your work in Library and cooperation with High Lord and inner circle? Pointless. Living in the High Lord's palace? Pathetic. Being part of his inner circle? Embarrassing. Suddenly your entire life felt like one big failure and you were drowning in it.

You were so tired and beaten by the life itself, that you weren't able to make it all the way to your room and needed to find some silent place nearby where you could put yourself together, away from prying eyes. You looked around, realising there is small family library right on your left.

Silently you entered and quickly closed the doors behind. You forced legs to take you to the one of the corners hidden behind shelves where nobody would notice you. As you dragged yourself through the room you didn't see anybody in there. The sets of armchairs and sofas were empty as well as the aisles between the shelves. You sighed in relieve. At least Mother had been merciful to you. Sitting down in the dark corner you pulled knees to chest and resting head on your arms you gave free rein to the feelings.

You didn't hear anybody to enter the library, so you startled when a deep voice came from the other side of aisle.

“Are you okay?” You couldn't see a thing because of the tears that wouldn't stop rolling down your cheeks, but you didn't even need to. You knew the voice as well as his owner. It was Azriel, the dangerously looking shadowsinger.

You became part of inner circle just recently and while others had welcomed you with open arms, he kept his distance. You still vividly remembered as he flinched when he first met you as well as his piercing gaze that followed you for the rest of that day. It was quite uncomfortable, making you feel naked in public. Even now you sometimes sensed his eyes being glued to your back causing unpleasant shiver ran down your spine. Only good point was he had never been mean to you, but he wasn't friendly either.

“I'm fine,” you managed to breath out between sobs, still hiding face in sleeves. Azriel huffed.

“If you insist,” was the only thing he said, but you could hear the sound of his boots getting closer to you. You tried to stifle sobs, but he certainly still heard them anyway. Wings rustled as he sat down in front of you. “Something happened when you went to visit your parents earlier?” Surprised, you looked up at him through tears.

“How do you know where I went?” He shrugged shoulders as if to say that the answer is clear. Another wave of tears welled up in your eyes as you remembered all the insults parents told you today.

“Sometimes people we are bond to by blood aren't the best of the family,” he said, his voice much softer than you had ever heard him to use.

“They are the only family I have,” you opposed. A lump rose in your throat as sadness consumed your inside.

“You are wrong,” he simply said.

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean?” He measured you from head to toe with unreadable expression.

“We are your family or at least can be one if you let us.” His hazel eyes with gold flecks wandered around your face, searching for answer on unspoken question. You were too tired and felt so bad, you really didn't get what he was telling you at first. You shook your head in frustration. Corners of his perfect mouth lifted up in hardly-there smirk.

“Rhys and Cassian already consider you their little sister. Mor and Feyre like you, too. I'd dare to say even Amren kind of likes you in her own way.”

Any other day these words would make you happy, but today wasn't that day. For some reason it hurt you even more. His words were like salt to your widely open wound and you broke down. Azriel made a restless noise and his wings rustled while shadows whirled around you, caressing your back and arms. He hesitantly reached out and his big warm hand landed on your head, gently patting it.

“They really do?” you sobbed.

”Yeah.”

“And what about you?” He stiffened. “You don't want me around you and your family.” You felt bad for what you said as soon as the words left your mouth. It was a blow below the belt, especially when he was trying so hard to be nice.

He thought about it for a second, silence stretching between you. "I like you too," he muttered reluctantly at last, his voice slightly shook on word 'like'.

"Liar," you laughed through tear, but there wasn't any joy in it.

"I'm honest. You are my family," Azriel stated, his voice flat of any emotions. "Maybe I can't show it as easily as others, but I do think so. Really." His eyes seemed to be earnest, but his body was sending the opposite signals. You just nodded, blush spreading on your face. Even though it was confusing, something in his statement put on a spark in your chest and you felt a bit better.

"Thank you," you muttered. One corner of his mouth lifted up forming a lovely dimple in his cheek, his hand slipped down to your shoulder and rubbed it reassuringly.

"Anytime," he mumbled. "I'm here for you." He watched you for a while with lips pressed into a tiny line. "Should I leave you alone?" he asked hesitantly.

You shook head. "I mean if you don't mind, but you probably have some work to do." You wanted to add that he always seemed to be busy, but you didn't. Azriel just nodded in answer.

And so you sat there in quite comfortable silence. Your sobs gradually calmed down, but he continued to rub your arm in soothing circles.

Suddenly doors opened and you could hear heavy steps. "Y/N, you in there?" Cassian called into the room. Azriel looked into your wide eyes and nodded once in understanding. Then he swiftly stood up and peeked from the aisle.

"She isn't here," he answered seemingly bored. "Do you need something from her?"

Although you couldn't see Cassian, you could imagine how his brows furrowed now.

"Not really. Y/N went to her parents, but she should be already back. She's always depressed after that, so I just wanted to make sure she's okay."

"I see," Azriel said without interest. "Did you try her room?"

"Yeah, I did, but she isn't there. Books are quite her comfort, so I thought she might be in here. Never mind. I'm going to ask Clotho if she has seen her." And with that Cassian left.

Azriel waited few moments before he returned to you. "You okay?" he asked sitting back down.

"Thanks," you nodded. Once Rhysand told you that even though it didn't look like that, when it comes to family, Azriel is very caring and protective type. Now you wondered if this was also his way of taking care of family. As you were thinking about it, something warm raised in your chest.

You wiped your tears on the sleeve. "I guess I should go clean myself. Cassian is already worried enough. He doesn't need to see me like this."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Azriel cocked head to the side, watching you carefully.

"I feel much better thanks to you. I'm really grateful," you gave him small smile.

Shadowsinger just nodded, helping you stand up. Then he stepped aside, so you could pass him.

Before you turned the corner you looked back at him once again, but he was already searching the shelves with books. "Thank you," you whispered and left.

[moistvonlipwig]

some thoughts on angel's pov on the buffy/angel relationship in the later seasons of the buffyverse, under the cut because b/a shippers may not want to see it. this is an angel-positive post though, i'm interested in looking at his mindset, not tearing him down:

it's interesting and imo telling that post-early s3 of ats, angel only seems to bring up buffy & get caught up in the idea of a relationship with her when he feels like a failure of a hero. when he's happy with baby connor he never says aw gee i wish buffy could be here to meet him. when he's sad and needs comfort (e.g. when connor gets kidnapped) he never says god i wish i could talk to buffy about this. it's only when jasmine takes cordelia and connor away from him and he lets it happen and he signs his soul over to wolfram & hart to try to save the last bit of connor that's left that he goes crawling back to buffy all like, if buffy still wants me then maybe i'm not the worst most pathetic biggest failure in the universe. maybe i can pretend i'm still the cool hero guy she always thought i was. and in s5 it's only when spike comes back from the dead full of swagger and seemingly the champion angel feels like he no longer is that angel suddenly starts obsessing about which one of them buffy likes more, and again nearly always explicitly in the context of feeling like a failure of a hero.

(even in tgiq there's the context of angel literally planning to go on a suicide mission in a couple weeks. he certainly was not under the impression that he and buffy had any kind of actual future together. it seems more likely to me that he saw an opportunity to say goodbye and when spike interfered it raised his hackles and made him defensive again.)

post-buffy's resurrection, as much as the writers liked to throw bones to buffy/angel shippers (imo to the detriment of both shows' narratives), it still doesn't actually read as angel still wanting to be with buffy so much as angel idealizing his time with buffy as a simpler time when he felt like a good person just by dint of being around her. she isn't someone he super wants to hang out with (unlike, say, cordelia), she just represents 'goodness' to him and when he feels like he is running out of his own goodness he grasps at her image to try to make himself feel better. it's no coincidence that he seems to regress in maturity every time the shows try to bring back his feelings for buffy in btvs s7/ats s5, because at that point in his arc, when he retreats into his old feelings for buffy, he is essentially taking comfort in a childish ideal to avoid facing reality.

it does frustrate me that the shows never let him realize this and let go of this coping mechanism (because, again, i think they wanted to keep shippers on the hook), but at the same time i think it's pretty textually obvious that that's what's going on in his head. it's not that he hasn't actually moved on from her or is incapable of doing so, it's that when things get too hard and he loses his actual support system, angel (unlike poor billy pilgrim) becomes stuck in time, longing for the days when he only cared about one person and his life was easier for it. easier -- but not better. and he knows that, which is why, per "awakening," he doesn't actually wish he could go back to those days. not truly. he just wishes his life didn't suck quite so bad.

[markantonys]

Someone on Twitter:

"Have we even had a scene showcasing Rand's potential/ power? Neither the Eye of the World nor the "battle“ with Ishamael felt like Rand's accomplishments I think."

I'm tired. 1. The Eye absolutely counts. 2. Okay I was underwhelmed with the Ishy battle I wanted it to be more flashy cause that was supposed to be his declaring himself Dragon moment and that definitely didn't land for me because of that. 3. Did Turak and his soldiers not count? That was brutal and efficient and definitely shows his potential imo. Rand doesn't even reach the same power levels that he does at the Eye bookwise til at least Knife of Dreams so like...I think people need to chill

man i'm so tired of people who have no idea how power progression is supposed to work lmao if they want rand to be having flashy big showdowns in the first 2 seasons then they'd better be prepared for him to feel stagnant and/or like a letdown in future seasons 🤷 you just know they'd be going "but why isn't rand able to do X in this season when he could do it LAST season?" if the show did exactly what the early books did in constantly giving rand a big blowout moment at the end of one book and then resetting him to being a helpless baby channeler at the start of the next one.

as for his ishy showdown not being ~flashy~ enough or not being ~his moment~, that's literally the point. it's a pyrrhic victory for rand - he was able to defeat ishy, but absolutely would not have been capable of it without his friends & moiraine assisting him (and risking their own lives to assist him, at that), and i'm sure he's very aware of this. this will motivate him to be desperate enough to improve his channeling skills that he's willing to get training from a forsaken. simple as that. if he was already skilled enough to have a big exciting moment of self-obtained victory in 2x08, then why would he need asmodean to train him in s3? audiences wouldn't buy him being desperate enough to resort to something so drastic.

especially since the show has upped the threat level of the forsaken massively and is actually making them frightening villains. book!asmodean is sad wet and pathetic for all of his onscreen-time despite his evil backstory, so it doesn't feel that risky for rand to take him as a teacher, but if show!asmodean is made more competent & scary in the same way as ishy, lanfear, and moggy (based on her one scene) have been, then that means rand is taking a much bigger risk in the eyes of the audience and we thus need a much stronger reason to believe he would be wiling to take such a risk. rand needs to consistently fail in the early seasons so that he's motivated to improve his skills by any means necessary in s3, same as how nynaeve needs to consistently fail so that she's motivated to break her block by any means necessary. basic cause and effect here, people! basic character progression! characters need to fail so that they can grow, and people who do not understand this have no business criticizing the storytellers who do understand it (not directing this at you here anon haha just at the annoying crew whining about rand and nynaeve Not Getting To Succeed At Anything).

"bUt EgWeNE-" egwene is not the same character as rand, and thus is not developing at the exact same rate as rand, and thus is allowed to have her victories whenever it suits HER progression, even if rand hasn't gotten his victories yet. egwene's victory came in 2x08 because s2 is when her biggest formative storyline of the early books occurs, whereas in s3/TSR she takes a step back while rand comes to greater prominence with HIS biggest formative storyline of the early books. and egwene sure as hell had her share of failures in s2 before getting her victory, just the same as rand even if he needs to cook a little longer before getting his own victories.

[zeravmeta]

*Hopes for the as least of a harsh response* Yuya Sakaki

Why I like them/why I don’t:

さぁ、お楽しみはこれからだ！

What the hell can I say about Yuya that I haven't already said in the past decade. Arc-V is the series that got me out of my ygo hiatus and back into the series as a whole, and Yuya is a big part of that. I've written metas on him in the past which you can find on my blog, but whats always stuck out to me about Yuya is that he's kind of a pathetic depressed loser failure (best way possible) but still drags himself back up. We see him stumble so damn much throughout the show and he does fail and lash out and suffer and make things worse BUT HE STILL GETS BACK UP!!!!

HE!!! TAKES THE STEP FORWARD!!! WITH COURAGE!!! HE WEARS A SMILE!!!!!! NOT BECAUSE IT IS EASY!!! OR BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO PLEASE THE AUDIENCE!!! BUT BECAUSE A SMILE CAN HELP YOU FEEL COURAGE!!!!! BECAUSE PENDULUM IS THE RANGE, THE OSCILLATION BETWEEN JOY AND SADNESS!!! IT'S AN EXCHANGE, A CONVERSATION!!!! A WAY TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE AND HAVE THEM UNDERSTAND YOUR VIEW!!! ENTERTAINMENT CAN BRIDGE THE TRAGEDIES OF WAR BECAUSE WHATS MORE UNIVERSAL THAN THE SMILES IT CAN BRING!!!!!!

I've made the joke before but he is the closest analogue yugioh has ever had to shirou emiya which is a hilarious statement but it's true, from clinging to his fathers ideals because he knows no other way to live to his genuine mercilessness when pushed to the edge, all the way down to the living weapon metaphors and transfem subtext

What I like about their appearance: I think Yuya's design is unironically the best out of the protags, he just combines so many aspects of what makes previous protags designs work, but specifically I also love that they put him in different outfits. I have such a soft spot for his clown outfit and his riding duel outfit is sleek and minimalist.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?: Sub only man, again I have a candid vitriol of YGO dubbing past DM because it turned any serious dubbing of ygo into a joke

OTP: As an Arc-V fan I'm under a binding geas so it is physically mentally and spiritually impossible for me to answer anything other than Fruitshipping here.

NOTP: probably the only one of these I hold but out of all the protag/rival ships across all ygo, yuya/reiji never actually compelled me all that much.

OT3: I while ago I made a post talking about how awesome the fucked up codependency of yuya/serena/shun could have been so yeah here. IG fruit salad also works here, any combination of the yuboys/bracelet girls is funny to me, selfcest is not just a suggestion but a necessity as well as a competition and THEY ARE WINNING

Favourite card they use: This one might be a hot take but out of the three archetypes Yuya blends in the Performapals, Odd-Eyes, and Pendulum Magicians, my favorite bar none and my fully fav archetype in all of yugioh is the Magician Pendulums. Yuya's own arc in the show is about differentiating himself from his father, and I think the Magician Pendulums stick out to me so much in this regard because they're HIS archetype: Performapals are from Yusho and the Dragons are from Zarc, but the Magician Pendulums are from Yuya!!!

I think Enlightenment Paladin and Nirvana High Palandin are my fav cards he ever uses, but Arc-V does this genius thing with action duels where it just wildly humanizes the monsters, so they all have tidbits of personality throughout the show and I love all of them.

Also obligatory shout out to Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon I love the big chicken and no one loves Yuya the way Odd-Eyes loves Yuya

Favourite moment they were in: Man. People thinking that Yuya just shouts Egao and fixes everything and that he never examines this when we have the Barret duel within ep91-92 where hes having a panic attack between saving Yuzu and just. discarding Smile World because he's so desperate to cling to his dad while also desperate to save Yuzu he is at one of his lowest lows here its just SUCH a good character moment that shows how much Yuya suffers from all the responsibility on his shoulders, self-imposed and otherwise

Least favourite moment: My live reaction- "Man, the Zarc duel was so fucking good!!! Literally peak yugioh, the best duel of all time! Alright so I bet we've got 1-2 more episodes to finish things off we've hit the series climax no way they can ruin this- Why are there 8 more episodes?"

Would I fuck, marry or kill them: im sorry yuya but move over im going to humiliate your older dragon god alter ego and shape the mattress like him

[magpiemoon6]

Extraction point

Simon Riley x Y/N

Sad fluff !!!

Warnings: PTSD, depression, mental health issues

( I'm sorry if there is any writing mistakes I'll fix them tomorrow)

Reminder people, you are loved and deserve happiness always <3

A thousand tones feel like it’s on my chest, I cannot breathe. Like the world has chosen this exact moment to swallow me up in my pain and stress. My mind betrays me and falls in its own trap of self-doubt. I’m so far behind where I’m meant to be and the guilt of not living up to my own expectations for my inner child is eating me up. And in this moment every single mistake or failure seems to pile up in my head. I’m drowning even though I’m on land.

But he seems to be a light in my darkness, I need Simon, and before the guilt stops me, I reach for my phone under the pile of covers and duvets. Searching through the stuffy warmth till my hand claps the cold object. Pulling it to my chest, my eyes are swollen from crying and my nose is entirely blocked from my crying till my vision goes blurry.

I search for his name in my phone, I just want to hear his phone, the warmth of his voice is like a drug and the euphoria should shield me from my pit.

Si <3

“Hey, are you free a second? If not no worries x”

I feel so wrong for relying on him, but I promised Simon, that if it gets bad, we won’t shut each other out not again. That we can be each other’s extraction point.

Buzzing snaps me out of my brain unravelling in my hands. He’s calling and my heart drops because if he hears I’ve been crying he will come running and I can’t do that to him. Clearing my throat, I click to answer.

“Hello lovie” Simon says, and it feels like the flood gates are getting harder to hold shut, I just want him here and I’m so fucking selfish for that.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have texted you” I respond, I don’t want him to panic so I’m praying that my voice sounds calm, and my breathing is even enough he won’t realise.

“What happened? Tell me please y/n? I’m here” I can hear the anxiousness in his voice creep in, shit he knows and when he says that everything in me that was protecting him from my pain breaks from his kindness.

I’m crying again silent tears and my breathing stops trying helplessly to hold it in.

“I’m fine, I’m fine Simon, it’s stupid I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’m a big girl I just needed to hear your voice,” my voice is breaking as I say it, my grip on my phone is too tight. I need to let go. But I cant.

“Y/n?” the softness in his tone is so different from his voice yet hearing him say my name gives me more comfort than the dozens of duvets on top of me.

“Yes Simon?” I need to get control of my sadness, it kills me knowing he has to hear me like this.

“It’s going to be okay love” and that makes me sob harder, holding the phone away from myself so he is saved from my pain.

“Okay, thank you. Bye Si” and that’s all I can say because if I say anything else it will involve me pathetically asking him over and he deserves better than the mess I am in this moment.

So now I’m sat here in my cold dark room alone. Submerged in my pain. I’m so tired of this, I want to be better, to get better and no more need for meds and therapy and other people to hold me together. I feel pathetic as if I’m dragging on everyone’s life. I want to live without all my sadness.

I’m too sucked into my own depression to hear the door of my flat opening and shutting. Too distracted to recognize the footsteps moving towards my room.

Simon opens the door, and I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. My heart practically burst knowing he came over, giving me some hope that maybe I am worthy of his love. But then he has to see my darkness, the hypocrite I am knowing I’ve seen him where I am and gave him all my love I possibly could.

“Hey love,” he’s quiet even for him, moving through the room like he is terrified he may break something or me.

“You didn’t have too” the guilt stays heavy on my shoulders.

Knowing he is staring at me, someone who is normally so full of light now covered in darkness that fills the room and holds it down. He begins to move onto the bed gently, moving himself silently under the covers with me. My heart hurts. Loving him gives me air in my lungs, everything about him gives me hope and love. I could stare at him for a thousand years and still not get enough.

“Y/n, I love you, okay? I will be here if I’m dead or alive, a million miles away or next door.” Pulling me into his chest, the heat of his body makes the blankets feel cold.

I cant stop crying even if I wanted too, pushing my face into his chest and curling into him, I let him hold me and begin to pull away all the darkness that doesn’t seem to drown me as much now. I feel him large hand begin to gently stroke my hair, moving through it as he soothes soul with his love.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest, this makes his hand stop its rhythmic pattern of brushing through my hair. Tilting my head to his eyes.

He stares back and I fall in love all over again, those honey eyes are only filled with compassion and understanding. Before him my loneliness was my company, and everything was always so violent. But with him now I’m learning to live without violence and less loneliness.

“What’s our promise?” he asks me, still holding me tightly letting my pain wash away his love flooding me and bring me back to the now.

“That we will always be each other’s extraction point,” the quote we made up before we even started dating. The quote that we held onto before we knew our love wasn’t one sided.

“Exactly,” he says and goes back to stroking my hair and listening to my hiccupping breathing, never judging just existing with me.

“Thank you, I love you” and I mean it, the same way I know he does too. Our darkness still haunts us both, but we have learnt to comfort each other and hold out the light when we need it.

“I love you too”.

[thebottomfromhell]

I want some angst. How about the Superior Moons kill him for a certain reason and go on with their lives normally, but finding themselves unable to escape of your "ghost". Little things they saw or did reminded them of you and that started to torment them, turning into sadness and longing, although like demons it was very likely that they didn't quite understand these feelings. Preference for human and male readers, but can be gender neutral too

We want some angst! I'm very sorry of how late this came, I really hope I can make up for the time. It was a long and busy week.... also, I hope everyone had a nice Halloween! Thanks for everything and let's see if you enjoy this work.

Uppermoons facing the "ghosts" of dead Human Male Reader

Warnings: Angst, Manga spoilers, Cannibalism, Literally dead reader, Self-harm, Self-steem/self-worth issues, Unhealty dependency, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Eating disorders, Character with PTSD, Character with paranoia, Emotionally stunted character,

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

This wasn't supposed to happen, you were not supposed to die! He just... forgot how fragile you can be and how aggresive Daki can get, ok? Ok, he forgot. He forgot and that costed you your life.... fuck! He should have done something! Said something! Protected you! Kept your mouth shut! Anything! "Onii-chan?" She doesn't have any blood on her as he focus his gaze as his own blood heals (he is scratching his face, there as pieces of skin missing and a lot of blood), of course she wouldn't. Daki didn't like you that much, to her you where just some random guy trying to steal her big brother away. You were too proud to actually try and get along with her, you didn't like her much neither. "Are you ok?"

He can se your death in her, and he loathes it but... "Let me hug you.... ne..." he just smiles as she open her arms to recieve her onii-chan as Gyutaro butries his face on her shoulder, not minding that his blood is falling into her as he heals. It's her blood as well (she thinks remembers that much). Gyutaro always chose her over you and there is not even the choice right now, so.... and even if it wasn't the case, she is first.

Because you would have left anyway, was it because Gyutaro is nothing but an ugly freak or dying as a human. You would leave, you left, and it's because of him. Meanwhile Daki won't, can't leave. "I'm so sorry.... little sister... my little sister.... that you have such a pathetic excuse of a brother...." he hugs her tight as he whispers, not crying but needing to feel she is there, that she is safe, that is is happy. "Wha- No! Onii-chan is the best! You are the best big brother ever!" No, he is not. He failed her before, just like he failed you. He is nothing but a failure to others.

He is completely sure most people would be better if he never existed at all, but most of them are people he doesn't care about so he doesn't mind, let their lives be worse. But.... would Daki be better if he was not her onii-chan? You definetely would have been better off if you had never met him.... he should have let his mother kill him.

Gyokko:

You had a really bad taste from time to time, you know? He really tried to teach you how to correct it, but... you were a mere human. A handsome man, with an attitude Gyokko switched into hating and loving, but still a human. He should have known from the start to not get his hopes on you, he only ever wasted his precious time and effort on your but you have also tainted his art. Now in his times of creation he can't fully concentrate, the lessons he gave still imprinted in his mind! Every time he tries to connect with the sublime feeling a memory of you awakes! How is he supposed- fuck it! Let's just speak normaly.

You did a number on him, and Gyokko doesn't like that. What what else is there left to do? He already killed you, your guts are in a pot right now. He would get rid of them but he has been just adoring the taste so far, too bad he really can't get more from where those came from. That would be an interesting concept for a work of art, too bad it would only work on demons. Maybe he should have turned you into a demon instead of killing you, but you were so offensive to hi- HERE YOU GO AGAIN! YOU DON'T LET HIM CONCENTRATE!

Why can't you just leave like the rest? You keep pestering and pestering even after dying. This is why he killed you. But one day he will move on, until then... well, it's his own business.

Hantengu:

It wasn't him... it wasn't him, please believe it wasn't him! It's not his fault, he is innocent! Those are false accusations! False! .... But nobody is accusing Hantengu of anything. He is just.... it just wasn't him, ok? Don't mind that he is lying please, just believe it wasn't him. He wouldn't have killed you if you had believed it, but you didn't and NOW YOU ARE DEAD!! He can't take it! It's too much! Too much for him! Tiny and pathetic, defenseless against those villains! Those villains are to blame!

You are not coming back, though... are you? Not that he did anything but you are not mad at him, right? You would not become an onryō and take revenge, right? You love him too much for that! Probably... so it's just his imagination. Things just look like you, that it's why shadows have your face! The clones say there is nothing there, that he is just nostalgic, melancholic, maybe even guilty. They just don't get it! You are there!

He is constantly in a panic, trying to scape, trying to deny, "pl-pl-please leave me alone!" He crys and sobs when you are not there, yet... you are everywhere. The clones don't believe it so they can't protect him! Someone help him! You can't do it anymore... because Hantengu killed you.

Sekido:

You were the one to cross the line first, that is what Sekido tells himself. You made him angry, of course he was bound to react! You didn't make sure to have the other clones as back up! (Where the fuck was Karaku?! He is the one to take the bad end in those situations!) You were to one to insist, and insist, and insist in your argument of "I wAnT tO sTaY a HuMaN!" Look how well that ended, since you died a human! You should have just let Sekido turn you!

He is always angry, always violent. You knew that, said you loved hin for that but it seems you did all you could to deny yourself that Sekido could hurt you. THIS IS SO IRRITATING! You are- were a mere man, how DARE you go against him and think that just because he liked you a little you would get a free pass in surviving Upper 4?! That was so idiotic it infuriates him! "SHUT THE FUCK UP, Y/N!" He turns around to find Karaku, corcened for the other clone. Pleasure doesn't say anhthing, clearly contemplating if he should try and comfort Sekido, leave him be or tease him, last one is very tempting. You would know, you also liked to tease Sekido, and a lot.

Sekido uses his staff to attack Karaku, angry that his sole presence is reminding him of you, that he lost you. The anger is almost consuming him, to the point tears appear in his eyes as his face becomes red. He hates it! Just ehy did you have to be so stupid?! Why did he have to love you?! "Fucking.... WHY ARE YOU SO INFURIATING?!" His chest aches and he can only let the anger get the best of him, that is how he is built, after all. Maybe it was bound to happen, and it makes him cry.

Karaku:

You liked to stargaze a lot, it was of the few activities you could both do together any time. Most of the time you fell asleep, tired of whatever you did once the sun came up. Karaku always asked but barely did any effort to keep the information in his head, why would he? It was a world he was never part of. But he knew you, besides not knowing who you were under the sun, he knew the man you were under the moon and the stars. He likes that man a lot.

He tries not to feel guilty of your death, it was an accident, after all. He was fighting off some slayers and overdid it with his attack, making some trees fall over you. Humans are so easy to break, he always had to be way to careful with you. So he is more delicate with things on average now, so the won't break the same way you did. He doesn't like being careful, but it helps. He wonders where you are, he heard some people once say people go.... up. Whatever that means

Are you in the stars he is looking at? Can you see him? Karaku feels he can see you, so he will jeep coming back for you. "Are you that star? Shines more than the rest. I bet you are there." He is pleasure. He is not meant to be sad, or angry, or frustrated, or mourning, or... or anything that is not pleasurable. So... he keeps getting pleasure from you, in some way. "You better be dedicating it to me."

Urogi:

Urogi molts a lot, and that is not normal. He only ever does it when he is stressed, before that meant whenever was a fight between the clones or their master showed sights of being dissapointed or to show aggression, but now? He is doing it from start to end whenever he separates from the rest, leaving the others extremely concerned. Feathers fall off like leaves of a tree in autumn as they keep groing back, Urogi scratches himself way too much, not only ripping them off but irritating the skin and sometimes even causing wounds. If it wasn't because of his regeneration he would definetely look like those caged birds, almost featherless and and sore red, tensed up.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! Please Y/N! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He is joy, he is not supposed to be like this. He is not supposed to cry, whine and beg like a pet that misses it's owner, but he misses you. He misses you a lot. He can't even look at himself without remembering you, because he can no longer feel you, smell you, see you or touch you. It was an accident, and he feels extremely guilty for it. He knew you could not keep up with him, that you could not stand him playing rough. He doesn't know why he did it, he got way too excited and suddenly... you were bleeding out. Urogi tried to help, but you had already lost too much blood by the time he got you to some human place.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Y/N! Y/N! Please come back! Please come back!" He keeps scratching himself, blood falling off his wings and wrists as it dries when the wounds heal, skin still irritated against the constant friction as he lies on to of the group of feathers that also start to cover him. You also liked his feathers a lot, just like he liked you a lot. He is basically waiting for to to pick him up, even if he knows you will never come back. "Y/N! Y/N! Please!"

Aizetsu:

He was always sad, is always sad. He is used to it, besides he doesn't come out that often. Sekido is a lot less careless than Karaku with his neck, and most of the time the those two are more than enough to deal with anything. Aizetsu doesn't like to come out, to work, to fight. You were one of the very few things that made him want to be separated from the others, he was not able to skiot his duties as Upper 4, but he always adored your company. Than you got in the way in a fight, and not only that, you got injured, and badly. One didn't need the knowledge he had of the human body to know you would not survive, and killing you quick instead of letting you agonize would be the most merciful thing to do. He knew exactly where to strike to make it painless, and he did it for you.

He can't bring himself to regret it, it was for the best, but that doesn't change the fact that he is disliking a lot more than he used to being outside. It's just sad. Sometimes he wonders why he isn't a "crybaby" or something, he just... doesn't cry, can't bring himself to do so, even for you. He doesn't know if it's because his body is so deppresingly tired or if it's his demon nature, but he is not one of those people who constantly cry, even is he constantly feel the need to express sadness.

"Y/N.... are you better in there?" He asks in the sky knowing there won't be an answer, the outside reminds him of you, even if now it feels... a little bit more empty than before. "I really hope you are." He misses you dearly, and he won't ever deny that. He wants you, but men like yourself are not meant to be forever around demons. You are meant to be free, he is not. That is sad.

Nakime:

Nakime is a quiet person, you were never as silent as her. It's weird to be back at the spaces empty of any sound, even your breathing made a noise she could detect, louder than hers, it took her a while to get used to it. Now, it seems it will also take her a while to get used of it being gone. She never thought she would miss a man, much less a human one, specially after she was the one who killed you. Well, it was not really her, but she is still responsible, since she should have known better than to let you wonder through the castle. Why didn't you tell her so she could keep an eye on you.

Nakime is a demon with a power than is above time and space, she didn't realize you got lost for long enough time for it to be unhealthy. She found you before you died, but the lack of food, water and sun made you sick, and that eventually kicked in. Why are humans so weak? Se doesn't remember being that fragile before she was turned, but again, she doesn't remember much about it.

Now the silence reminds her that you are gone for good, and she doesn't know what to do about it, since she doesn't have it inside her to fill it with anything that are not the cords that should have saved you. Another reminder. Then again, she will be ok. She lost her husband once she can get over another man in her life. She will get over it.

Akaza:

He didn't want to... but why? Just why? He tried to save you. Akaza barely remembers what happened, just that you were kissing and suddenly biting into each other and your scent, the one of your blood was so good, he couldn't help but have a taste. He has been so hungry! He already wasn't a glutton demon, but after meeting you he just... ate less. He ignored his master anger and disapproval in order to gain yours, to show he was not a monster, no matter how painful it became (Akaza suspects he has been manually making it worse as a punishment), he fasted. (Akaza already did fast from time to time as a buddhist, but extending the time periods did harm him).

Now he is not eating at all, he can't. Before he just could not eat women, they didn't do it, she was just a maid, how was Hakuji not supposed to let her go? But now? Now he can't eat men neither. The masculine scent, the high levels of testosterone, the blood... it ends up being you! It's always you! He can't it no matter how hard he tries to swallow- it hurts! But you being dead hurts even more than the angry twists in his stomach, and he is getting weaker. He needs to eat but he can't.

Why has Muzan-sama not killed him already? Did he enjoy seeing Akaza like this? A crying mess that only awaits for death? Because he wants to die. He doesn't care anymore, he WANTS TO DIE! Let him go back, let him go back! "Please... please, I beg you. Just kill me. Just kill me! KILL ME RIGHT NOW! I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE! I DON'T WANT A LIFE THEY ALL LEFT ME BEHIND!" He screams and sobs as he lies down on the ground, exposed. No swordsman comes in, they are all dead. No oddly optimistic adult hitting him until he calms down, he is also dead. No soft girl trying to make him feel better, she also died. Not even you, because he killed you.

Times passes, is the sun coming out. He feels like dying, he really feels like dying right now. Is the sun coming up? It doesn't even matter, is a matter of time. And as always, death comes by a whisper "Kibutsuji Muzan."

Douma:

Sometimes, just sometimes, Douma misses talking to you. But good things got to end sooner or later, don't they? And this ways, you will be always part of him, living forever inside. He had to find new ways to entertain himself at first, after he killed you, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Just a bit of boredom! Everyday he finds new ways to entertain himself, might as well go to see what other Uppermoons are doing. If he is lucky he might even find Akaza-dono! Akaza-dono is always fun to be with, is the only one that doesn't try to scape him or outright ignore him, he is the closest thing he ever had to an equal. Yes, thinking about him is making think a bit less about you, should definetely give it a try.

Why does he things about you and his chest feels uncomfortable would be odd if it hadn't happened before. He has told you, shared that detail with you. You were a guy he could tell anything too, instead of just the other way around (that is probably why he misses you so much), so ofcourse you knew about Kotoha! Though, you seemed to dislike having Douma talking about for too long, you did your best to hide it, but he knew. How funny that you are now it the same situation then! Except he ate you for different reasons, you got too hurt by another demon a night you were outside, but you were just so hurt. Really bad, he just had to end your suffering, he did not like seeing you like that....

"I'm heading out tonight, thank you! I will be back in time to meet my followers, bye!" He tells a servant who knows, his parents served him too, got to see him grow up into an old man. Douma never got attached to him or his parents, just like he never got attached to his own parents, or any rollower at all... well, that is not true! You, Kotoha and to a lesser extent Inosuke have craved yourself a place in his mind, never leaving at all, following him 24/7, causing preassure in his chest. It's annoying. "Now, whe could Akaza-dono be today? Or maybe I can just visit the siblings! I know exactly where those are!" Douma will live, though. Same as always.

Kokushibou:

Get out of his head.... GET OUT OF HIS HEAD! YOU HAVE NO PLACE AMONG THE LIVING ANYMORE, IF HE CAN BE CONSIDERED LIVING, YOU ARE DEAD! And a dead man should always stay dead! He can't even look at his Katana without seeing your reflection in it! GET OUT! He hates it, he hastes how the death of a human is affecting him this much, he heates that he can't forget anything of you. What is he? A lovesick maiden? Damn it, why did that come to his head. You always used to call him a "fair and shy maiden", joking that you were his destinied gentleman. AS IF! NOT ONCE YOU EVER FIT INTO THE STANDARDS OF THE GENTRY!

He hates you. It's your fault! Why did you die?! What did you think was going to happen if you wore Hanafuda earings?! That he would like them?! That he would feel nice! He TOLD you several times the Hanafuda earings were nothing to mess with, that it was a past he didn't want to share. Was that your way to try and make him tell you? Tell you about a freak of a twin brother who was the strongests withojt even trying?! Brother that was better than him in every way?! Bother that now is DEAD and Michikatsu Kokushibou never had a chance?! Well, NOW YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!

"Why did you have to be just like him? I hate you both." He speaks out loud. He hates you. He hates Yoriichi. He hates himself.... you deserved it and he will forget you. Sooner or later he will have to fully forget you both. He has time enough for that. He should just focus, and practice with the katas. "Hachi no kata...." And best you all.

[pickupthephoneboy]

OOC: Well you guys voted for it on the Levi blog, now it's here. (@never-gets-sick pspspsps)

INTRODUCING: Ross crying in the bathroom.

The Cold Floor

(Heavy topics might be applied)

Welcome back to Nimone, they say. You're back home, they say. But it doesn't feel like home anymore.

I stood in the dusty bathroom of my old home. A place that I once grew up and loved, now abandon and left to be forgotten.

It was quiet, dark, and dust covered the whole room in a gray fragile blanket. Only spiders now occupied this room, nesting by the toilet and shower. Not even the lights cpuld turn on because the bulbs either died out or no one paid ghe electricity bill.

I wiped my glove across the sink mirror, staring at my reflection. It was just me in this bathroom. Alone in this enclosed space.

I shut the door in order to have privacy. I don't feel safe when others are safe. They can't see me like this, no matter how much I try to hide it.

Everything was starting to settle in. This week has been Hell front and back, I hate it. Too much stress, work stole my sleep, and everyone is in pain. I'm failing as a captain.....

This trip to Nimone has been a mistake, all it did was create pain and suffering for everyone. Now, the whole world is at risk at two crazy scientists. If I didn't get everyone involved in my affairs to beat up the men who hurt my sister Ikuo wouldn't have had new scars, Ikari wouldn't have had been snatched away, and Scarlett wouldn't have to be in pain again.

I feel hurt, and I'm not the one who even got physical hurt as well. But it pains me to stand by the side and let this all happen just because I can't come up with a good plan. None of this would have happened if I was good enough.

I may have won battles before on my own as a mass weapon machine, and I may have led our men through war like a leader, but that was years ago I'm not the same weapons I was trained to be. Hell some of that stuff was winged, I was never good at planning and men lost their lives because of it.

Scarlett once asked on our way here, "What would mom and dad think of me when we arrive?" She doesn't know does she? That dad left one day for no reason? That mom became a sad woman and died from sickness? That I wasn't there to protect any of them?

I felt my hands grip onto the sink tighter.

What type of captain am I, if I can't even keep my own family apart? What type of son am I, who couldn't support his own mom when she was sad? What type of brother am I, when I couldn't even protect my own sister?

My hands start to turn into fist and my knees slowly bend to the cold floor. The safe abandoned floor, covered in dirt and dust. It's the only thing I trust that can support me. I can't been seen as weak in front of others....

I felt my weight finally collapsed and I let put a heavy sigh. Not now Ross, I can't break down now. I have to get back to working, but I can't. Everything that I come up with is a bust. Nothing is working.

I became a failure and everyone knows it.....

I could feel my throat tightening, as I gazed at my pathetic state in the mirror. Eye bags under my eyes, my hair is a mess, and part of my outfit is ruined. This is really my life huh? Being a constant mess.

Now slumped to the floor, I continued to gaze at myself. I look like a fool, a failure, I'm not cut out of any of this. After all these years I don't think I can continue like this.

My vision starts to blur, I bite my lip but muffled cries start to force their way out. I gripped my head in my hands and held it to my knees. Soon before I knew it I was crying on the cold floor. A sense of desa vu washed over me, I been in this moment before. And now it has come back to haunt me again.

I don't remember when I passed out, all I remember was that I felt alone and worthless in that moment.

[anghraine]

I meant to post a bit more about the Jedi: Survivor experience with my best friend and Ash, and keep ... not doing it, mostly because I couldn't think of a way to do it without massive spoilers. But here are some (yes, massively spoilery) impressions of the first half (or so?) of the game under the cut:

There are definitely traces of the usual Star Wars uncritically colonialist assumptions, IMO—we're still discovering exactly what ye olde Jedi got up to on Koboh and how the narrative will ultimately treat it, but it's even more striking in some ways in Cere's dynamic with the Anchorites on Jedha, I feel? I like Cere a lot and it's not uncomplicated, but ... yeah.

Aesthetically, Jedha fucking rules. For all the variety and diversity of Koboh, Jedha feels so drastically different in every way, and the locations there are just incredibly cool and distinctive while still feeling recognizably "Jedha." I've loved just about everything we've seen there, especially the singing temple stuff. The revelation that the Empire didn't even know this amazing ancient temple they were destroying was a safehouse and were just destroying Jedha's wonders for unrelated casual Imperial reasons made its destruction hit even harder, honestly.

I also love Koboh a lot. It is nice to spend time in a planet with varied biomes and some of the specific locations are deeply interesting—I like the old meditation chambers/puzzles a lot, the Lucrehulk "dungeon" was absolutely fantastic, and I love the way Pyloon's evolves as you recruit people and do quests and things. It reminds me a bit of one of my favorite mechanics from the beloved game of my childhood, Might and Magic VII, in which your initially shitty castle evolves over the course of the game as you build up your reputation with people who can work on it. That was a lot rougher and more basic than Survivor's development of the saloon, though, so I'm really loving this base-building kind of aspect to it. You can even grow a garden <3

OUR GIRLFRIEND MERRIN IS THE GREATEST <333 I don't even like the concept of Nightsisters and I adore her to pieces. The romance is incredible. J, who is handling the controls (Ash and I have admitted we don't have the nerves for the game's parkour requirements), managed to navigate the whole "Do you trust me" portal sequence without a single failure, so it was just this wildly cinematic experience following from one of the few really good game kisses I've seen. I'm pretty sure J was sweating after the portal sequence though—it was wild. Definite MVP.

I really enjoy the variations in personality between the random indistinguishable enemies. Even the basic raiders have people who sound like Sith cultists and others who talk about how sad it is that the Jedi are gone, and the B1s are funny but also the fact that there are some who are ambitious and wildly overconfident, some are just kind of amiably clueless, some are scared and actually say they don't want to be used by the radiers ... B1 rights, honestly.

We have a lot of reservations about Santari Khri and also enjoy the sheer obnoxiousness of Dagan Gera. There's obviously quite a lot to learn about what exactly his deal is (apart from being the latest in the SW tradition of Scary Disabled Men, I guess!), but he's such a dick, lol. J trashed him in our most recent fight and the whole time, Dagan was sneering about how pathetic and pitiable Cal is and how everything is part of his master plan before running away with his tail between his legs. Ash went, "this guy, what is his deal" and I was like "Obviously it was all a social experiment!"

I think the raider bosses who have been rewarded with ancient recovered lightsabers are really interesting as foes in combat, because the first time it happened, we were like "what the fuck?? is this another Jedi apostate or what" and as the fight really kicked off, I went "...actually, I can't exactly say why, but I'm pretty sure this guy isn't Force-sensitive." J went "yeah, it really feels like he was never any kind of Jedi, but not for any especially obvious reason..." It's an interesting element of game design that you get such a distinct vibe from lightsaber-wielding combatants who can't use the Force without a single obvious element.

Fratricide guy was creepy as fuck, what the hell was that character design, God

I love nearly all the other named locals, though. Not just Greez (though I love Greez), but the bar regulars are just such a fun crowd. Not sure anyone can surpass SKOOVA STEV but Caij is a delight, the random finance bro is hilarious, Monk is one of my favorite droids ever, Zee the droid is more truly Jedi than most actual Jedi, etc etc.

There's a random interspecies gay couple, which was kind of charming, in part because their relationship is apparently built on the strong basis of them both being haters. Love it for them, though the one is so visibly inhuman that it's like... okay, cool, but feels like LF definitely hedging their bets still.

It's taken a long time to mention the protagonist, but I actually do really like Cal. He definitely doesn't exist in my personal OT-based vision of this era, but I don't feel like I need to accept him into my personal Star Wars Prime Storyline to enjoy this for what it is. I wish more SW EU products felt that way, honestly.

[zaimta]

T.M.I

zai says: i think imma release these every friday, when the other ones come out yall will be able to tell that this was the first one i did also i'm gon milk this arc till the day i die n y'all know this

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you looked in the mirror in disgust, you hated what you saw, nothing but a broken person who couldn't even stay true to what they believed in. nothing more than a puppet being toyed with by the puppet master.

you and freed walked side by side to the church, he could tell you were feeling a slight amount of guilt but he had yet to figure out something that was bothering him “y/n. it’s clear that laxus will only listen to you at this point. but maybe he is beyond that point…however, i must ask why haven’t you told him to call this all off? it’s clear you don’t want much to do with this. so why y/n? why do you fight for something you don’t believe in?”

“because i-”

“damnit!” you shouted at the memory flooding your brain, you clutched your head looking down at your feet, and you then felt tears streaming down your cheek “why wasn’t i strong enough? i’m pathetic.”

back then you knew the answer to his question and you still do now, your guilt was eating you alive not allowing you to think clearly

your arms fell slack by your sides and you fell to your knees, tears still streaming down your cheeks

“maybe i’m just a fool freed.” he sent a smile your way his eyes screamed pity, just a pitiful glare for a shameful idiot and you hated every second of it.

“i should have done more back then, anything would have been better than this outcome. i was too weak to stop it, i was just a love-sick fool who was blinded by that fact. after all this time did he even love me back? was i following him blindly just for him to not even love me back?” despite all the fond memories you made your doubts triumph over everything you knew and what he told you.

shame flooded your mind, you felt embarrassed to feel this way, to wallow in your own shame and regret. these feelings were all too familiar to you and you hated every last second of it, every pitiful millisecond was nothing short of hell to you, he was long gone and out of your life but yet your doubts in your relationship still followed you.

“please…make it stop.” you mumbled weakly as if your pleas would be heard while your tears flowed like a river.

“because i loved him. no matter how many people i had to hurt i wanted to see him happy again.”

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry stupid self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts

you don’t know but you picked yourself and decided to go to the guild hopefully some time around your friends would do you some good, and there it was again the pitty glances, you smiled throughout them all but there was only so much you could take.

you went to an empty table to clear your thoughts and felt a hand on your shoulder, you tensed up bracing for those words “how are you holding up?” lucy spoke to you as if you were fragile and you could break at any second, or that’s what it felt like to you anyway. you snatched your shoulder away from her grip and sent her a glare “im fine. why does everyone treat me like i’m some fragile thing?”

bet you wish you never asked sorry if i made you sad at least you know now where i'm at

you dropped your shoulders suddenly aware of how tense you were, you groaned and ran a hand down your face “shit. i’m sorry lucy i’m just…tired.”

“y/n im sorry i didn’t mean to-” you cut the celestial mage off “no it’s not your fault you were just trying to check on me.” you felt something run down your cheeks, we’re you crying? after all this time an ‘are you okay’ was what it took to get to you. you excused yourself and headed into the bathroom, it was pathetic you felt like a failure crying in a public restroom. you were nothing more than a waste of space who couldn’t have anything go your way.

“it’s all my fault. maybe if i was more firm?? who am i kidding maybe if i said something anything he still would have been here.” you think to yourself causing your tears so flow like a river down your face.

you looked in the mirror and saw the weakest person you ever saw, and it took everything in you not to smash that mirror.

“y/n?” evergreen said while knocking on the bathroom door “im coming in okay?” she walked into the bathroom and noticed the tears on your cheeks and she wordlessly wiped them away and sighed “what am i going do with you n/n? we’ve got to get you a better coping mechanism” she chuckled quietly at her own joke, she pulled down her dress so it was at least covering her legs and sat on the floor, she patted the spot next to her with a gentle smile inviting you to sit. you wordlessly sat next to her with your knees pulled up to your chest.

“i know this is hard on you right now, but you can’t keep pushing us away we’re here for you…freed told me how you have been feeling.” you sighed deeply “so you know everything?” she shook her head “i only know freed’s assumptions, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but you can’t keep letting your emotions eat you alive it’s not healthy for you y/n.”

the two of you sat there in silence for a while, you broke the silence with a small sigh and began opening up to evergreen about how you’ve been feeling “i feel like it’s all my fault ever…i feel like i could have done more maybe if i said something this whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe he wouldn’t have been kick out of the guild” you pull your knees closer to your chest as you speak “i loved him ever, and now i might not even see him again.”

evergreen rested her hand on yours with a soft smile, you looked at her and her eyes didn’t scream pitty nor did they feel as if they were looking down at you and it was comforting “you don’t have to be guilty for anything y/n, we all made the choice to follow his plan…and he’s quite the ambitious man you know that, no matter what he would have seen his plan through till the end.”

you returned the smile “yea you’re right” the smile didn’t reach your eyes and she knew that, she knew you needed time how much time was all up to you however.

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry super self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts if you knew me better, you would like me worse t.m.i

[scaly-freaks]

Okay so here are my thots ( I am the original anon sorry I didn’t get a chance to respond right away but here I am lmao) I think dark was the wrong word to be honest. I just think it was more sad than anything.

Like here’s this guy who clearly has unresolved issues and trauma within himself who had nobody else to go to except the brothel worker he slept with when he was too young. Tbh considering the time period it’s not so crazy. It’s realistic. What was there to do as a royal with no real power besides drinking, whoring, and watching blood sports. That’s besides the point. The madame isn’t a villain she’s doing her job. Seeing this scene now I think Aemond’s discomfort with her in season one wasn’t because of violation (it could be that too but I have another theory) but maybe a different sort of shame. He’s involved with the faith (seemingly) and he doesn’t want to be seen as a sort of failure like how Aegon was being perceived to be with his habits.

Whatever my point being I think the discomfort we all felt watching that scene was intentional and well placed. We see vulnerability. We see he’s not totally on board with his own actions. And it’s foreshadowing his loss to Daemon because like you said, he’s not the same caliber as Daemon. Nobody is (that was George R R Martin’s point [He loves Daemon and made him a gray character purposefully])

The body shaming situation is gross but I don’t expect anything less than that from a fandom who is also openly racist. It’s actually on brand. (Go on HOTD fandom. Give us nothing girl)

-I shall deem myself 🐚 anon for clarity purposes

Heheh hi 🐚 anon!

I do want to point out that nothing we've been shown or told suggests Aemond slept with the brothel worker at 13, or that anything sexual happened. A whole range of things could have occurred instead. Maybe he sat there and refused to do anything until Aegon returned to pick him up. Or maybe something did happen. Who knows? Maybe his most profound feeling about that situation was how Aegon abandoned him there, or maybe he doesn't care and it's just the idea that Aegon thought he could teach him anything which offended him. Even on Driftmark, with Aemond being so young, he curled his lip with disgust at Aegon's idiocy and clearly deemed himself the better son (that "I would do my duty" was sanctimonious and you can't tell me different).

Some people interpret his 'hm' towards the madame in S1 as discomfort, but I interpreted it as dismissal at her attempt to think she can flirt her way back into his royal patronage (which is what she'd do with any man to get her coin) but not upset/discomfort exactly. That's my interpretation though so I'm putting my hands up.

I also don't remember any evidence of him being particularly religious, beyond that one scene praying at the table which felt more derisive than anything (even Aegon lowered his head for it).

I also think no matter what Aegon does, Aemond will think he can do it better. It's just how the family set it up - Otto and Alicent have treated Aegon like a worthless piece of crap (only sweet talking him when they need something) and Aemond goes along with that status quo.

I think George painted Daemon poorly, but there was unlimited scope for what he could have been. The show's more pathetic version of him paired with George's version would work really well, but they're leaning more to their own interpretation.