#just because i don't care anymore doesn't mean i don't respect other fans' wish to not see spoilers

[flowerandblood]

I'm back

And I'm back with my oneshot with Michael Gavey. He fucking came back from the dead. Some can call it resurrection.

I needed these 24 hours just for myself to think about why I was writing at all and why I was doing it.

To talk about it with my husband who, as always, knowing me inside out, said that I didn't deserve to have my work and commitment here wasted by people who don't have the courage to write to me under their own nickname.

Just to be clear - it doesn't matter when or if any of you would read my oneshot. When, why or if you will do it is neither something to feel guilty nor proud of, like reading or not anything I wrote or will write.

I remind you that's my space, not yours. Anon asks stays off, because I know who you really are.

Cowards.

From now on, I will be much stricter about what other people "opinion" should and should not be.

I will block anyone, anons, writers or readers, who cannot watch their words - even if it's on your blogs, in your asks, comments, reblogs or statements - I don't want to see any ironic, hurtful bullshit on my wall anymore.

I will block them, but I will never nag them. I just don't need them in my life, in my space. Learn from me, anon haters. I hope me coming back is your stick in the ass and not in the pleasurable way.

I don't care if you think I'm a sweet and innocent author with no flaws - I'm not. I've never been. I don't care about maintaining this image either.

Yes, I can't stand anons who send me and other authors baseless criticism. They were and will remain my enemies. I will never be nice to them, because by hiding they lose the last of my respect.

However, I have never been and will never be unpleasant to people who ask me thoughtful questions with the respect that one person can and should expect from another. Usually it's not about the question itself, but about how it was asked.

Writing anonymously to others that you wish their pets to die, that it's good that they lost their child, or to me that I don't really love my husband and I'm cheating on him because I write fanfics is not the smartest idea.

You are just sad, jealous idiots.

Now.

A few of people here are trying to keep this sticky tape glued fandom from falling apart and I sincerely admire them: @ewanmitchellcrumbs @targaryenrealnessdarling @oneeyedvisenya @theoneeyedprince @valeskafics @black-dread

This fandom doesn't deserve you, but there you are.

+ I wanted to say 'thank you' to all of the writers who just reached me to say that they are sorry, to say that I have a right to write whatever I want. Do what I want without being judged.

Finally, I cannot help but mention the wave of anonymous and non-anonymous messages from my fans, to which I apologize for not responding. I've read them all.

Many of you came out of the shadows and wrote to me for the first time, showing me how much my stories mean to you. Thank you for all the memes, photos, drawings and words of comfort, very long and very short messages.

If it weren't for you, if it weren't for my husband who told me that I needed a break - not to destroy everything I created, I would have deleted this account a few days ago. He said that I should care more about my own mental comfort, which I intend to do.

I deleted my Discord account to withdraw from the fandom a bit and to put what happened behind me. I don't have good emotions right now that I could share with you in these groups, which you deserve. I don't want to be a ghost account there.

If you want to talk to me or explain something, you can reach me in private messages.

So. Karawana jedzie dalej, as we say in Poland. Those who want to be tagged, please let me know here or privately.

I don't know when I will publish my other works, but I will.

Welcome back.

[datastate]

(sending this as an ask because it got WAYY too long to be a reply whoops) i really like your opinions on the routes!! especially on the ais waugh…. i am planning on playing kanna's routes whenever i eventually replay this summer + i am excited to see what they entail…. but yeah overall i really like your thoughts and man do i need to replay yttd T_T it has been so long. (+ this is where the reply turned into a small ramble about qtaro because the autism) plus your comment about how the main games have gone + the qtaro thing. sorry i am ill about him. glad to see someone who understands his intent there because although i am not active in fandom ANYMORE i used to see so many people absolutely hating him for that (<- like obviously not the best way of going about things but he had intentions. okay?) (also i would like to make the comment of although in 8th grade i had intense hyperfixation on alice, ever since my first playthrough in 6th grade (HOW HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?!) qtaro has + always will be my favorite sorry society….). i still remember when 3-1b came out + so many people were like "oh maybe qtaro is not deplorable" meanwhile i was over here #1 qtaro fan sobbing. sorry this is so long

(in response to this ask! also, for my own sake, i've broken up replying this into little sections :] <3 but i don't mind at all!!!)

REPLAYING YTTD

oho...!! i do think even a general replay (without seeing other routes) is really worthwhile to get a better feel for the characters & see how you can recontextualize things they're doing/have said at the time... i love combing through to see what nao and kai were up to in particular just before the main games <3

while i do think there was more that nankidai could've stood to do to differentiate the two routes particularly to make kanna & shin's separate routes feel like an actual choice, i do think that what small things are changed are still worthwhile & cool to see! i hope you enjoy your replay!!! :D

Q-TARO

YEAH exactly... i'm really sad that it's taken until his literal death to truly appreciate him as a character when more morally ambiguous characters like... well. shin, keiji, and even kai (though i'd honestly argue that most people don't see kai for who he is, you know; rather they place emphasis on his attractive appearance...) -- what they've done & how they behave are excused because they're, frankly, thin enough to care abt.

i've gone on about this before, so i won't linger much more than i need to, but i find it so strange that most people don't seem to recognize that - if not in the moment, i can understand that everyone's emotions are in a swirl. even the player's, but in chapter two when he says he felt a connection w kai - q-taro is autistic. and this definitely makes how he approached things in the first main game all the more understandable, personally... being so blunt about it when he'd settled on it being the clear solution, he even outright says that he doesn't want to see any of them just resign themselves right away to being voted out! & then we learn in ch3 as well that he's also experienced suicidal ideation which just lends so much more value to what he says...!! he doesn't want anyone to die, but certainly not with the belief that it's the only option they had. he wants them to at least have the chance to fight, just in case. and he's willing to hold himself to the same standard!

of course, first impressions mean a lot, but i feel like people saw this and completely missed the entirety of chapter 2 where he quickly warms up to gin afterward & even apologizes to sara for all she's had to deal with, despite it not being his fault, and expressing that he wishes there was something he could do even irt miley... he cares so much abt the kids within the group, even if it takes a lot of courage to support strangers when he knows he has other kids waiting at home for him... he still tries his damnedest, you know? i feel like there's something about that you have to respect. even when he's attempting to leave, you visibly see how conflicted he is about it & it's why sara can pick up on it so early, because he doesn't want to do this, it just feels like the only option... which. well. there's something to say about how gin's the one who's freely handing out tokens and yet q-taro goes to someone like sara first. someone who's been steadily pushed into the figurehead of the group, who is clearly strategic... versus someone who resembles the people q-taro's trying to get back to. hmmm. i sure wonder what the implications are here. (& i have a post for you. that you might enjoy... i've been meaning to write it for a while but i forget. but the idea is there.)

but. yeah... they didn't give him much room to grow in their mind after this point, which is so disappointing & definitely created a very toxic space. beyond that, it played into general southern stereotypes of him being the only homophobic/transphobic one, which i honestly often find treatment of to be in poor taste (it can be used well in stories, but you shouldn't just. throw bigotry on characters simply because you hate them...) -- but also just. blatantly untrue?

even just. everything about his treatment of people in general being so understanding once you explain something to him, or his desire to be a good person worthy of looking up to (which is why it doubly wrecks him when he sees himself become disabled/suicidal in the hospital, because he's become such a rotten person and he feels it and it's a terrible, terrible cycle) for the orphanage kids & to prove something to the parents who abandoned him that he's still worthy of being loved too... he believes in equivalent exchange in social dynamics, only ever giving out what you can take, just... in what world would he be so insensitive?

and this isn't even bringing up the fact that he has slightly longer than shoulder-length hair + nonetheless treats kai/mishima with a lot of respect and care even with them both generally being considered (physically, as well as in their demeanor) strange. combined with the fact that he relates to kai on the basis of being "lonely" rather than "loved" for what's unchangeable about them... there's so much there to read into. not just with autism or ptsd, but. gestures. transgenderism, being mixed, so on. things that sara had people to help support her with prior to the death game, or that she lacked altogether (if she's fully japanese)

but i digress! i'm glad that ch3-1 skirted some hatred toward him, but i definitely agree -- he's such a well-rounded characters even prior to that & it deserved to be acknowledged...!!

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I'll never understand why Freddie stans hate Brian. As someone who's been ever so slightly insane about FM for years, Brian is my second favorite out of the four bc he's basically the founder of the Freddie Mercury fan club. (It's actually an in joke amongst my friends that he's the only one who talks about Freddie more than I do- but that's not really important). Like how dense do you have to beto actually think that Brian doesn't care about him and never did. I'm convinced the only people who buy into that narrative are either very new to the fandom or just Really want Mary's version of Freddie to be real.

Yeah, it was a big point of contention among me and the other Freddie fans/jimercury fans on insta back like 3 years ago when I had a fan account on there. They hated him and thought he hated and disrespected Freddie no matter how much I tried to point them to reality. I've talked about this from time to time, but there are three main reasons why Freddie stans tend to hate Brian, in my view: Brian says things about Freddie that they don't want to hear, specifically things which contradict their headcanons of him, they think Brian's love for Adam means he doesn't care about Freddie anymore, and it's because of Brian's defense of the movie. With the first one, it's usually people who are angry that Brian says Freddie was gay, vulnerable to being used by fake friends, and got fucked up on the club scene. Those three things apparently trigger people lmao. With the second thing, people are just idiots and can't fathom that Brian can love and respect more than one singer at the same time.

With the last one, people think that Brian can't actually care about Freddie if he so vehemently defended the film which portrayed him in such a shitty way. I get where those people are coming from initially, I used to think the same thing in my very early days of the fandom tbh, but then I actually heard Brian talk about Freddie and quickly saw how genuine his love for him was. It was Brian's clear fondness for Freddie that made me pause and listen to the things he actually had to say, and prevented me from becoming a Brian hater tbh. I read more and realized that Brian became very protective of the movie because he sees it as part of Queen and as a net positive for the band and Freddie, and Brian becomes very defensive of anything related to the band and Freddie. I guess I still wish he understood the criticism of the film more, but ultimately, I just decided it wasn't worth being mad at him over tbh when there was this tidal wave of quotes from him which proved that he did, in fact, care about Freddie, so I let it go. But there are people online who won't do that, they stop at his defense of the movie and don't listen to anything else he has to say because they hate the movie so much. I loathe that film, but it doesn't negate everything Brian has said about Freddie, and you really do have to be incredibly uninformed or straight-up deny reality at this point to think Brian doesn't care about him. Like you said, Brian was basically the founder of the Freddie Mercury Fan Club lol and has said some stan-like things about him

[dojae-huh]

Hlo huh nim..! Happy New Year! How was your first day? Since it's a fresh start, I wanted to share my little journey with Doyoung. I hope you won't get bored.

To be honest, I wasn't into any Kpop stuff before. Even now, I only follow NCT and don't really look for other groups. But seriously, COVID brought a lot of people into Kpop, including me. And you know what? I'm really grateful for it because I got to meet Doyoung.

It was amazing how I got interested in him through his old videos when he was just starting out. YouTube only showed me his time with NCT 127, and I saw all the criticism he faced for newly joining, not being a dancer and the teasing from his members. He even had haters calling him ugly. But we all know that he had a glow up after that. Everything was happening back then, and I even found out about his show champ era afterwards. Funny, right?

But what really made me admire him more and more was his savageness and youthful energy. Then he started getting more opportunities and his popularity increased. Now he's the global ambassador for DOLCE&GABBANA, a famous fashion brand. Isn't he great? As an idol, he's far better than a lot of people and serves as a great role model. Everything, and I mean everything, about him makes me wonder. I'm his fan, but I don't even want him as my boyfriend. It would just be amazing if I could talk to him. That would be heaven for me. That's how much I love and respect him. He's truly someone worth following, and I'm glad I chose him as my idol.

Seriously, these past few days with his McDonald's project and all those hate comments have made me really sad. I don't want those people to understand what he's doing, nor do I want to explain it to them. Nobody explained it to me, but I still understood it. If they really wanted to understand, they would have done the same, but they don't want to. So what's the point of explaining? Besides, he's a grown-up and he knows what he's doing. Who are we to judge his decisions? But all these situations have made me realize one thing for sure: I love Doyoung more than I even thought I did.

I'm not sure if it's because I liked him when he was unknown, but even if his popularity doesn't grow this year or his fans abandon him, I don't mind if he becomes unknown again. I'll always be there for him in any way I can, supporting and cheering him on for his success. Do I sound like an idiot who is starstrucked by some kpop idol?? 😅

The post got a little longer...let me conclude with the new year wishing.. May this year bring happiness and success to everyone who knows how to show kindness like Doyoung. Happy New Year huh nim...have a great year...

(This Ask dropped while I was writing the "sad post", so it's independant)

Happy New Year. I ended up procrastinating after all, heh. It's so easy to find an excuse not to work...

You know, I like how idols serve as a kind of diplomats and ambassadors. Korea gained a lot of soft power thanks to its tv-series and music. And eventhough I don't subscribe to the notion that idols and celebreties must be the best of people, unblemished and untainted (their job is to act, sing, write music, nothing more), it is nice to have not only talented people but also those who can serve as a good example amidst their ranks. They have reach afterall.

Doyoung's type is rare. He is a natural "soft" leader who leads through earned respect. It is no wonder his fans turn into the people he takes care of as well (I'm referencing to all his life advice, the way he tries to build up a mutual emotional support bond, be better (History exam) to be worthy of following).

It is advantageous to have all these programmes and interviews recorded and available, to have idols do lives and vlogs. They are not just highly curated images anymore, PR managers can't hide the true characters of idols, paint a fake picture. I mean, they still can produce a desired impression, but a fan has the ability to test it by observing the idol in multiple contents. A person can't lie or act 24/7, there will be slip ups. Not to mention, authenticity is popular nowadays. Sure, it takes time to get to know an idol. Still, a fan can rely on and trust his/her own observations.

I want to point out that although Doyoung is a kind person, he doesn't let his kindness be used. His kindness isn't his weakness how it often is, he doesn't let others take advantage of him. One can only help others if he is mentally OK himself, from a position of power (energy resource advantage, financial stability, emotional health, etc).

Doyoung wants to stay in history, heh, be an idol to other idols. And he wants to sing. It is hard to fill in concert halls without demand. So let's wish him to be known. Kpop is still a niche genre. There are no soloists with a popularity on the scale of Western singers.

[rocksalt-and-pie]

i've decided not to care about marvel spoilers anymore btw. why? spite. those are multi million dollar franchises that are 99% cgi being treated like they're some kind of classified top secret information files from the cold war or something to the point where the literal actors don't know for sure what movie they end up being in (which is fucking ridiculous), just because marvel realized that by making their content feel hyper exclusive they can make more money with it. feel free to send me the entire Spiderman No Way Home script, i don't care. im not gonna go out of my way (let alone spend money on it, imagine that lmfao) to watch it and I know I won't be able to completely avoid any spoilers whatsoever anyway. it's really not that big of a deal to know of some scenes that weren't in the trailer even if they made it feel like it is

[etheriadearie]

Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

~

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[nexyra]

RWBY Analysis - Ozpin & Ruby, on the concept of leadership

In her song "Burned out", Dodie sings of her fans, how they look up to her and how uneasy that realization made her. For everyone is at the end of the day just as human as their neighbour; and having the hopes and expectations of others put upon you when you're just as lost as them can be a frightening thing. And this... made me think of Ruby & Ozpin.

On the subject of leadership, Ozpin tells Ruby the following : “Being a team leader isn't just a title you carry into battle, but a badge you wear constantly. If you are not always performing at your absolute best, then what reason do you give others to follow you?”

While I love this quote, I also have to analyze the drawbacks of this mentality and how they align with both Ozpin and Ruby. At the time, Ruby is a newly appointed leader and unsure of this reality. Ozpin's counsel give her the confidence needed to step up as a leader and take her duties more seriously, which in return appeases Weiss' and make their team all the more balanced. It is, in that context, good advice. A good leader should strive to lead by example and work hard to be worthy of the respect others give them, both in and outside of battle.

However there is one aspect that I find much more complex and that is... what does it mean to "always perform at your absolute best" and to have others follow you ? Note the use of follow, people letting you lead alone as opposed to "standing by your side" or a similar expression. It showcases in my opinion one of the biggest problem of Ozpin's leadership, but one that I feel has been inadvertently repeated by Ruby's.

- - - - - - - -

To cultivate hope and lies

When it comes to Ozpin's lies, I am of the firm belief that he had good intentions. Soo if you think he's the scorn of this earth, this might be a good time to tap out :D Now, this said I have a lot to say on the subject but I'll keep this short to stay on track (& make another unrelated post to develop my thoughts.)

In my opinion, at the core of his lies stand different beliefs. And on the subject of leadership, I think one stands out in particular and aligns with the advice he gave Ruby : the need to perform at your best to give others a reason to follow you.

Ozpin is the reincarnation of a centuries-old wizard and the headmaster of a school : what is one aspect almost every character agrees on upon meeting him ? "Oh, he's wise. He's knowledgeable. He has the answers. He has his shit together. He can tell us what to do."

Inherently, Ozpin's existence inspires respect and reassure. Just like to a child, a parent is all-knowing and unbreakable, Ozpin's status automatically give others the assumption that he knows what he's doing. And this, in my opinion, is one of the core problems of his leadership.

May it be with his inner circle, with RWBY, with ANYONE really; as soon as Ozpin reveals himself there are unspoken expectations that will chain him. He has the knowledge, he was here when it all began, he's the one calling the shots so he HAS to know exactly what to do. In that situation, breaking down and revealing to everyone how lost Ozpin is, how out of his depth... is unconceivable. And this is where Ozpin's conception of leadership becomes a problem as well. If you always perform "at your best" then you keep your doubts to yourself, you hide your sorrows and you put on a brave face. There are expectations in place that Ozpin wants (needs even) to meet. And thus the hopes of others and Ozpin's desire to fulfill them feed one another, as a perfect recipe for disaster. Because the more time Ozpin spends acting as if everything is under control, the more the expectations pile up... And coming clean about his humanity, the fact that he's just as powerless as the rest of them, becomes impossible.

And in that sense, breaking down the pedestal Ozpin had been put on was probably one of the best thing to do for his own mental health (though the method lacked a bit of compassion in my opinion xD)

The other part that somehow causes problem is how RELIANT on him his inner circle is. Despite their apparent friendship, Ozpin is the clear leader and as soon as he's out of comission, everything falls apart. Ironwood is the only one to call out Oz but in the end still wishes for the wizard to tell him what to do in period of stress. Qrow plays spy and takes order but doesn't seem really interested in stading at Ozpin's side as an equal. Glynda is stern but still defers to him etc...

All of them FOLLOW Ozpin but are just a few steps off from standing at his side. And this is something I see reflected in Ruby.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Following optimism up until it fails you

In Vol6, as secrets and lies are brought to the light, the loss of Hope that Ozpin feared so deeply happens. Is it worth it ? What are we even going to do with an immortal foe ? Maybe we should just go home. In that situation, Ruby is the simple soul who manages to keep her optimism, stand tall and say "No. We are taking the lamp to Atlas." And from then on her position as a leader and a bacon of light is reaffirmed. As Jaune put it in V4 "You gave us the courage to follow you."

Now is that, in itself, a problem ? Of course not. In fact I loved seeing Ruby come into herself and take the lead in Vol6. The problem in truth comes after, from the ramifications. From Vol6 onward, Ozpin has essentially been rid of his leader position and Ruby inherited it. And on a surface level sure, they are pretty different. Ruby is certainly closer to her partners : they're a family and they care about each other.

However, she is still clearly put at the lead. The others relied on Ruby's optimism and resilience to get to Atlas, and continue to do so. Setting foot in Ironwood's office, Blake tells Ruby "We'll follow your lead". They trust her, and whatever Ruby does... goes. They lie to Ironwood and Yang expresses some hesitations but eventually rally to Ruby's decision. And I emphasize this again : it is Ruby's decision. They did not pre-emptively discuss this as a group and then let Ruby be the spoke-person. Yang herself in Vol8 criticizes not their actions but Ruby's choices. Ruby calls the shots, Ruby is responsible for what happens, Ruby is their beacon of hope... Ruby is the new Ozpin.

Ruby has to be optimistic, and make the decisions and take risks because she's the leader. When Ruby leaves the room to break down, conversation & strategy stalls : the others don't take the lead. When things go south, it's Ruby's choices that led them here. Ever since Ruby has left Beacon, the only person who consistently encouraged Ruby to express the BAD, to share the negative has been Oscar. Even her silver eyes ask her to focus on only the happy memories to go off without a hitch ! The others comfort, they smile, they trust, they love even. But they don't want depressed Ruby finally grieving, they don't want honest "I don't know what to do" : they try to bring back confident and optimistic "we're gonna try" Ruby Rose. They want their earnest and happy but ultimately perfect leader that gives them reason to follow. In the end, even if they deeply care for her and have no shortage of warm coated reassurances for the teen, they still chain her down with their expectations. Ruby is NOT built for this. And I don't even say that in the "why is a kid calling the shots" sense, but "why is a kid put in a position where she's RESPONSIBLE for calling the shots ?"

Ruby is the youngest of the group apart from Oscar. The others should not rely on her this much to function. Blake telling Ruby that she looks up to her and that they'll follow her lead is admittedly sweet, but still builds up the pressure weighing her down. Blake calling out for Ruby's help when the teen has just been crashed to the ground by the Hound isn't even sweet anymore. They're all supposed to be equals. Blake is just as capable as Ruby. Calling out to your mind-controlled friend to bring them back from the edge is good. Calling out to your 17-old sister who's been beaten up because you need her to fight isn't.

They need to recognize that Ruby should not hold up the place alone. Because yes, they love her. But at the end of the day, Ruby is still the one bearing the weight of their decisions... Alone, even surrounded.

✦ ✦ BURNED OUT - DODIE ✦ ✦

He was certain; So was I There was comfort in her sighs

Dreams and ideas should not be the same thing You waited, smiling for this?

Oh, she'd want it, if she knew She could take it, I thought too Be careful, be cautious but you just wished harder You waited, smiling for this?

"But they love you!" Over and over, "they love you!" Thousands and thousands of eyes just like mine Aching to find who they are

"Oh, they love you!" Oh, you can feel how they love you ! Coated and warm but that's all they can do Words only get through if they're sharp

Oh, how fitting For one so fake Make me a fairy Whatever it takes

And just like a tale my dream was a scam You waited, smiling for this?

I am burnt out I smell of smoke It seeps through her cracks and so I start to choke Sentences sit in her mouth that are templated You waited, smiling for this?

Oh, maybe I'll talk about it... (maybe I'll talk about it) I can just talk about it... (I can just talk about it) I'll never talk about it... (I'll never talk about it) No, I cannot talk about it...

Don't build hope on something broken I am not cartoon. Cry for help, I am not joking I might just leave soon

[anne-white-star]

Platonic!Freddie Mercury x reader : it means so mutch

Notes : reader is on holiday in Montreux, Zwitserland one night reader is on a walk and comes across the statue of Freddie, she sits down on the ground in front of the statue softly singing a queen song when something happens that she never espects. Read to find out What happens (pandemic never happend au) based on a dream i had a few nights ago. This doesn't make sens to me eiter just roll with it pls 😅

Song love of my life

Warnings: sadness later comfort

Words: 901

(Photo doesn't belong to me)

Montreux, Zwitserland, 2021

Y/n had finaly been able to save enough money to travel and see the wonderfull land marks, and being a queen fan she of course had to visit the statue of Freddie Mercury that over looked lake Geneva.

That night y/n walked out of her hotel to the place where the statue was located with a bouquet of Freddie Mercury roses. Once she reached the statue she placed the flowers on the pedastole and smiled softly up at him

The night was warm and there were no clouds in the sky and the moon shone bright with all the stars.

She sat down on the ground and looked up at the stars and wondered if brian or roger or even john were looking at the same night sky when all of a sudden she saw a falling star, so she made a wish.

Y/n softly started to hum love of my life, then she started to sing

🎶Love of my life, you've hurt me

You've broken my heart, and now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don't take it away from me

Because you don't know

What it means to me

Love of my life, don't leave me

You've taken my love, and now desert me

Love of my life, can't you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don't take it away from me

Because you don't know

What it means to me🎶

Tears streamed down her face as she sang with her feelings put out

🎶 You will remember

When this is blown over

And everything's all by the way

When I grow older

I will be there at your side to remind you

How I still love you (I still love you)

Back, hurry back

Please, bring it back home to me

Because you don't know

What it means to me

🎶🎶Love of my life

Love of my life

Ooh, ooh 🎶🎶

She stood up and looked around in shock when she heared an other voice sing, but it wasn't just any voice, it was the voice of Freddie, when she looked at the statue again she saw it move. Rubbing her eyes she was wondering if she was dreaming.

"Hello my dear"

Y/n gasped audible "am i dreaming?"

"Certanly not my darling im real"

"But You are, wel...."

"Not Alive anymore?, yes i know but somethimes i can wander and its a special night tonight" he stepped of the pedastole and walked up to her

"Oh please pinch me"

"Do you want me to do it for you" he laught

"If you don't mind" she held out her hand, Freddie did as he was asked and pinched her arm "outch! Yeah that hurts" she rubbed the place "Im not dreaming oh my god" she put a hand over her mouth while tears streamed down her face

"Hey don't be sad now dear cheer up"

"Sorry im just, stunned you have died so many years ago it was so sad mr Mercury"

"I know dear i know but its alright, tell me what happend to Brian, roger and John?"

"John stepped out the band after you passed i respect his decision, and Brian and roger are still rocking and going strong and they are doing the show togeter with a man called Adam Lambert hes very talented but he will never be able to replace you"

"I see, im so proud of al of them i wish i could let them know"

"Does this happen a lot? I mean you coming alive?"

"Wel not a lot it usaly happends when a meteorite shower happends and tonight one happends, i hope Brian can see this"

"I hope so to i bet he will enjoy it a lot"

"Make a wish my dear"

"I just wish the boys keep having a peacefull and happy life and that they stay healthy"

"Thats a wonderfull wish..."

"Y/n my name is y/n"

"Wel y/n If they could hear that wish i bet they would be extremly happy for that" he smiled, Freddie turned around and looked at the pedastole he stood on "are these for me?" He grabed the roses

"Yes they are, they are named after you"

"They are gorgeous just like me" he smiled proudly

"Yes just like you...... you know i wish i could have met you when you were alive, but in your last few years i was (your age)/(not even born yet)"

"But You have met me now havn't you" Freddie softly grabed her shoulder and gave her a side hug

"Yeah true ... this is a dream come true thank you Freddie"

"Your welcome y/n, you probably should go back to the hotel you will catch a cold"

"Yeah you are right about that, Freddie will you please look over Brian, john and roger? Thats all me and the fans ask for, you are their guardian"

"Of course i wil y/n"

"Thank you" she hugged him

"Take care dear I wish you all the luck in the world" he steped back on the pedastole

"Thank you Freddie" she placed the flowers back

Freddie went to stand back in his pose and he smiled back at her softly and then turned back to bronze

"Good night Freddie" she smiled, and went back on her way to the hotel that night she went to sleep peacefully

The end

I hope you guys enjoyed reading please let me know what you think 😊 also concider rebloging if you like the story it helps to reach more people. ♥️

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Spotlight: A Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Ch 2

Word Count: 5,483

As usual the party was much bigger than expected. By the end of the night almost everyone was totally wasted.

"Hey Y/L/N! I just wanted to thank you again..you know for-for everything." Sommer shouted into Y/N's ear. She was way beyond drunk at this point. Y/N tried to stay sober after she spotted Colson locking lips with Brinna, the DJ from Rock 93.9 FM. He had totally ignored her all night.

"Don't sweat it. That's what friends are for right." Y/N replied with a tight smile.

"You consider me a friend? After everything I've done to you?" She asked bewildered.

"Yeah. Why not?" She shrugged.

"Awww you're the sweetest." Sommer gushed as she gripped Y/N in a bear hug.

"Sorry to interrupt but I need to borrow Y/N quickly." Ashleigh grabbed Y/N's hand and dragged her to the bedroom.

"What's up?" Y/N asked, breathless.

"What's going on? I just witnessed Colson doing tongue wrestling with Brinna..You saw him too didn't you?" Her face fell.

"Yeah, I did but it's no biggie." Y/N tried to brush it off. "It's not like we're exclusive or anything right?"

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I know it hurts." Ashleigh hugged her and stepped back. "He shouldn't have led you on though. Jerk."

"He didn't promise me anything okay? We just kissed a couple of times so that doesn't mean anything to someone like him." Y/N sank onto the bed and started to strip off her dress.

"Are you calling it a night then?"

"Yep. I can't go out there and put on a brave face anymore. I'd rather stay in my room and have a pity party." She said morosely as she jumped under the covers.

"Okay, call me if you need me. Goodnight." Ashleigh shut the door behind her and as she turned around she saw Colson and Brinna ripping each others clothes off, as he kicked open his bedroom door. Poor Y/N she thought as she went back to the party.

"Hey Ash, where's Y/N?" Baze asked.

"She's got a bit of a headache so she's called it a night." Ashleigh lied.

"Oh I thought maybe it was because of Colson's behavior."

"Why would she care about that?" She said on defense mode.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter." He mumbled as he walked away.

The party was in full swing and most people were having a great time. Sommer and Slim were all over each other as usual and Iann even tried to flirt with Ashleigh. Colson resurfaced an hour later, it looked like he had showered and changed again. Ashleigh was a bit tipsy by now so she decided to confront him. She marched towards him with great determination, not thinking about the consequences that would follow.

Colson was sitting out by the poolside with his friends and there was a random blonde sitting on his lap. This made Ashleigh angrier than what she was before.

"Hey Colson can I have a word?" She stood in front of him, a martini in her hand.

"Hey Ash. I'm kind of busy now..as you can see." He leaned over and sucked the girl's face.

"You're a jerk you know that?!" She said with venom and her voice.

"Tell me something I don't know sweets." He laughed and took a sip of his drink.

"You're a waste of time!" She threw her drink in his face and walked away. Everyone at the table gasped

"What the-??" His face twisted in anger as he stood and went after her.

"Hey how dare you??? Who do you think you are to do that to ME??!" He grabbed her roughly by the arm.

"Ash." She said sweetly.

"What??!" He snapped.

"You asked me who I think I am and I said Ash. That's what you called me remember??"She gave him an angelic smile.

"Don't try and be smart with me or you'll regret it!" He pointed a finger at her and pushed her back forcefully, causing her to stumble back.

"Oh I will.. but probably not as much as Y/N regrets hooking up with you right now." She gritted her teeth.

"She wanted it just as much as I did. Unfortunately I couldn't unpick her lock cos it's too much work. So I had to find a well that's already been dug out. But next time she gives herself to me willingly-she won't leave my room a virgin." He smirked as he walked backwards.

He winked at Ashleigh before turning round and going back to his table. She stood there trembling with anger. How could they have all been so wrong about Colson? Everyone assumed he was a nice enough guy, yes he had a few rough edges here and there but he was a good person wasn't he? It was so easy to believe what you read in the tabloids but this time around they seemed to be right. Colson Baker was a bad boy in every sense of the word.

"Hey Olivia something is about to go down-you and Y/N need to get out of here now!" Baze came and grabbed her by the elbow and made for the fire-escape.

"What's going on?" She asked confused, as they hurried along.

"I'll explain later. Just go somewhere safe for now. Here's some money," He gave her a thick wad of cash, "Go and check into a hotel or something. I'll call you. Keep your phone on." He pushed her towards the stairs.

"Please tell me what's going on??!" She cried. He wasn't making sense and she was scared.

"I will. Promise. I need to go and get Y/N before it's too late so please go!" He turned around and walked back into the penthouse.

"Excuse me Colson but there are police officers in the foyer with a search warrant. What's the way forward?" Jax whispered into Colson's ear.

"What? Are you sure??? Stall them I need to find Y/N and get her out of here." Colson sprang into action. He ran to Y/N's room and fortunately she was wide awake. She was on Facetime with her friends when he barged into her room.

"Hey! We need to get out of here now. The police are on their way up to raid this place so please get dressed fast!" He threw off the covers and dragged her out of bed.

"What? Raiding the place? For what??" She put on her shoes, threw on sweatpants and a sweater quickly.

"No time to explain now okay? I'm going to need you to trust me on this okay?" He held her shoulders and looked at her earnestly.

"Jax is going to drive you to a safe place. I will follow through if I'm not taken in-" He didn't get to finish his statement because police bust into the room and commanded them to raise their hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quite a number of Colson's friends and friend's friends spent the night in a holding cell. The police found a significant amount of illegal drugs at the condo. It turns out Travis was actually an undercover detective. They had been trying to bust a drug ring so they were interrogating Colson and his friends to try and get a name of their supplier but they were all tight- lipped.

Finally one of them let it slip that Slim knew the name of the link so they let everyone else go. Colson's lawyer, Andre showed up much later before they were released. Y/N in her disheveled state, followed behind, her eyes puffed up from crying all night. Andre had arranged for them to use the back entrance in order to avoid the paparazzi.

"Thanks for taking your time to get here." Colson snapped as he walked towards the waiting SUV. Y/N jumped into the car wordlessly. She had a lot of things to say to Colson but now was not the right time.

"I've been trying to do damage control. The story is all over the media and drug possession is a serious crime in case you didn't know." Andre said with a grave look on his face.

"I didn't have any on me okay?" He countered.

"But all your blood tests contained high volumes of-" Barry tried to say but was cut off as usual.

"I know what the freakin' test said! I don't pay you to be my father okay? So back off!" He yelled, before he jumped into the car.

Y/N was seated at the opposite end and she just glared at him briefly, then continued to stare out the window. Colson ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. He needed to make things right with Y/N but he didn't know where to start. She didn't deserve to be caught up in his mess. She didn't deserve any of this.

"Y/N." He said softly.

"So you know my real name? Hmm.." She folded her arms and stared at him.

"Look I'm not good with apologies..For the longest time I haven't had the need to apologize to any one for anything. It's always the other way round." His blue eyes pierced through her.

"So you're expecting me to-"

"No!No. That's not what I meant." He held up his hands. "I don't know how to say this but-" He moved and sat closer to her and held her hands. "I'm sorry that you got caught up in this mess. This isn't what you signed up for."

"You got that right. I have a good mind to hightail it out of here and catch the next plane back to Ohio." She scowled.

"Please don't do that. At least give me a chance to make it up to you?" He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. " Please?"

"Why does it matter to you whether I go or stay?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Simply because." He said and she raised an eyebrow.

"Not good enough Baker."

"I like having you around?" He gave her his million dollar smile that caused her heart to melt.

"Fine. I will stay...on one condition.." Her face turned serious.

"Name it." He held his breath.

"I'll need you to keep your distance..just until your figure out what it is that you really want."

"I'm sorry-"

"Let me finish-if that's okay?"

"Sure." He placed his hands on his knees and listened intently.

"You can't keep toying with my feelings. I have them you know? And it hurts when you go hot and cold on me. I know that I'm not even your type and that I was easy but this can't go on. I won't allow it. I came here as your fan and not to be your babysitter so I would really appreciate it if you treated me as such. If you want something more then I would also require something more from you-like fidelity and respect-a real relationship. But I know that is way beyond you and wishful thinking on my part." She said wistfully, her brown eyes clouding with tears.

"Look sweets I'm sorry about the way I treated you but that's just who I am. I like you- a lot. But I can't give you what you want. I don't think I ever could." He said, his voice filled with regret.

"I know. Thanks for being honest." She blinked back tears. He slid over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She put her hands round his waist and laid her head on his chest for what she considered to be the last time.

"You deserve better than me Bambi. I'm no good. I don't want to hurt you so I will try my best to keep away from you. Though I'm not making any promises.." He turned to face her and smiled.

"You're hopeless." She swatted his shoulder and laughed.

"I need to ask you one last thing though?"

"Anything." She looked up at him.

"Will you go with me to the prom? I'm making a guest appearance at a high school prom so.."

"I have a few other options to consider but I think I'll go with you." She teased.

"Gosh! You have just made me the happiest guy Y/F/N Y/L/N." He winked at her and she blushed.

********************************************

Jax had driven them to Colson's other house in a secluded area in Los Angeles. So far the press had no knowledge of his whereabouts so they would be staying there until it was time to leave for Canada on Sunday. Y/N had called Olivia to check on her and the others -they were safely guarded at the penthouse. Baze had tried to call her but she cut the call. She was still angry with him, he could have at least given her a heads up.

"Bambi are you done yet? It's only a high school prom sweets-there's no need to go all out." Colson glanced at his Apple watch again and started to pace the room impatiently. He was dressed in a white shirt, that he had left unbuttoned and a midnight blue designer suit, the latest collection from Giorgio Armani, where he was currently one of the brand ambassadors. His blonde hair was sleeked back and it accentuated his handsome face.

"I'm almost done." Y/N put the finishing touches on her face, examined herself in the mirror and when she was satisfied she left the room.

Her hair was swept to the side and she had donned a sleeveless, glittery midnight-blue gown, with a halter neck, that accentuated her curves and exposed modest cleavage and her back. She had protested to Melissa that she would be a bit overdressed for a prom but to no avail. Byron told her that they would be there briefly and after that she had to accompany Colson to his concert at Madison Square Garden where she would have to change again. This was good publicity. He had assured Y/N that she was good for Colson's image. She was a regular girl that no one knew so they could use that to their advantage. It would prove to the public that Colson Baker was a changed man.

"Wow! You look beautiful." He stared at her as she walked into the sitting room. "It was definitely worth the wait. Shall we?" He held out his arm for her.

"You're looking very handsome but that's nothing new right?" She linked her arm with his as they walked towards the elevator.

"It's nice to hear it if it's coming from a genuine reliable source." He grinned.

Melissa had selected her outfits as usual. The press would be there in and they wanted to portray the best side of Colson. Anything to get their focus off the bad publicity he had received recently. It was hard to believe that they had only been here for two days and there was already so much drama that had happened.

Y/N was not sure if she would go along with this whole plan of being Colson's girlfriend, but Byron said it was pure speculation. He just wanted to lead the press into thinking that but Y/N could not understand how it would help. Byron said he would give her time to think it over and they would discuss it further tomorrow morning.

They arrived at Mira Vista High School's hall just before they were about to crown the prom queen and king. The honor was given to Colson of course and people were falling all over themselves to get a glimpse of him. They had prepared a corner table for him, his guards were surrounding the area and they were not permitting anyone to get close.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It is my utmost pleasure and honor to welcome America's golden boy, every teens rock-idol-please help me welcome to the stage the one, the only superstar of all time: Colson Baker!!!" The MC announced and all the students went wild as Colson stood up and walked to the podium. He pulled Y/N along with him although she tried to resist at first.

"Please." He mouthed over the noise. She nodded her agreement and stood with him.

They could hardly contain their excitement. The girls screamed and the guys hooted.

"Colson, Colson, Colson!" Was resounding all over the school hall causing the walls to vibrate.

"Thank you. Thank you all so much. I love you guys." More screams and "We love you too Colson."

"Well I'd love to sit around and chat a bit-but as the saying goes the show must go on." He spoke into the mic. "So my lovely date over there-and I will announce your homecoming king and queen, then we gotta bust outta here cos we got a concert to go to. Is anyone coming out to Madison Square tonight?? I will be giving out ten free tickets tonight so keep your fingers crossed. But most definitely the king and queen deserve tickets right?"

The crowd roared.

They crowned the prom king and queen, then Colson and Y/N opened up the dance floor. He put his hands round her small waist and she looped hers around his neck. She rested her head on his chest and it felt like home. Like she belonged here, in his arms. He smelt so good and his masculine scent was intoxicating, causing her senses to reel. The DJ was playing Lover by Taylor Swift. Colson started to sing along as he looked at her pointedly.

𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐

𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆?

𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒉 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓

"So I got a private performance..I feel kind of special." She smiled as she put her hand on his chest.

"You are..Thanks for doing this sweets." He whispered into Y/N's ear as they danced, sending shivers down her spine. "I owe you one." He brushed his cheek against her soft one.

"I'll hold you to that." She said softly.

"Baby you can hold me to anything." He laughed and it made him look young and carefree.

"You should do that more often." Y/N said as she smiled back at him. His smile was contagious.

"What laugh? Smile? I know it seems I have everything in that I could possibly want-and don't get me wrong I am grateful but-" He shook his had sadly, " You know what let's not talk about this right now okay?" He kissed her forehead.

"Okay," She touched his cheek lightly.

"Smile." He said as he put his head closer to hers and snapped a photo of them. She pulled out her tongue instead.

"I'm soo going to post this pic." He chuckled as he typed wildly on his iPhone.

"Go right ahead." She swung her hair back and grinned at him.

"Hey sweets..let me sign a few autographs and take a whole lotta selfies, then we can get out of here. I'll be right back-don't move." He led her back to the table and left her seated with Jax.

He made his way back accompanied by his other guards and he melted into the crowd. It was evident that his young fans still loved him by the way they interacted with him. He always grabbed the attention of everyone in a room, people were instantly drawn to him like a moth to a flame. When he was done the guards cleared the way for him as he walked back over to Y/N.

"You're ready to get out of here Bambi?" He put his hand on the small of her back and steered her towards the exit points.

"You look tired?If you're not up for the concert I can get Jax to drop you off at the condo?" He asked with concern.

"What are you kidding me right now?? I wouldn't miss your concert for the world! That's what I'm here for after all!"

"Okay, okay let's go then." He laughed as he entwined their hands.

The press ambushed them as soon as they walked out of the school hall and they were inundated with questions. The body guards pushed them through forcefully and Colson protectively cradled Y/N's head on his chest and she kept it there until they jumped into the limo.

"You're okay?" Colson cupped her face.

"I'm okay Baker. Still in one piece as you can see."

"Good." Silence fell as their eyes burned into each other and the air became electric. Sparks were flying and the attraction was undeniable. They both seemed to wrestle with their feelings but common sense took over.

"I want nothing more than to kiss you right now.." He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbed. "but I can't-I will respect your wishes.' He dropped his hands from her face, as if burned.

She turned her head aside and the moment was lost.

They arrived at Madison Square and as soon as they stepped out of the car Colson was whisked away and she didn't see him again until much later. Melissa led Y/N to the dressing room, where Ashleigh and Sommer were also getting ready and helped them to change into casual outfits.

"Hey stranger!" Ashleigh hugged Y/N as soon as she entered the room.

"Hey you, where have you been?" Sommer hugged her awkwardly.

"Hey..I'm glad you guys are okay." Y/N said as she sat in front of the dresser and allowed Melissa to work her magic. "I couldn't come back to the penthouse because of the press and I had to go to some prom with Colson. We came straight here after."

"So you and Colson..?" Sommer asked.

"No. Nothing like that." Y/N stressed.

"So Travis is a detective.." Ashleigh swayed the topic of discussion, picking up that Y/N was uncomfortable.

"Yeah. Who would have thought huh?" Y/N mused. "Is Slim still-?

"No. They let him go. Insufficient evidence." Sommer tried to make light of it.

"Right girls you're all done . Let's get you to the concert." Melissa announced.

"Yeah! That's what we came for." Ashleigh shouted excitedly.

"Group hug." Sommer said and everyone huddled together and ended up taking photos.

Jax led them to the VIP section where they had a pretty good view of the stage. They were served drinks of their choice and the tables had champagne on ice, tequila and drinks they couldn't even pronounce.

Colson was on stage performing hit after hit and doing what he does best. Sweat was dripping all over his lean body and girls in the audience were about to pass out just by looking at him. He seemed oblivious to all of this as he continued with his performance. One lucky girl was hurled onto the stage and screamed her head off when he started grinding on her.

"This next song is dedicated to all my fans. But especially my ultimate fans that made it through to the competition. I'd like to bring them out to the stage so you can all meet them. C'mon guys." Jax ushered them onto the stage and left them standing next to Colson.

"You guys ready? You all remember the routine right?" He whispered to them and they nodded. "Great. Let's do this." They positioned themselves behind Colson and he started to sing.

He lingered behind Y/N a little longer than necessary and when he decided to kiss her at the end of the song the audience went crazy. It was a spur of the moment thing and he hadn't planned to do it. Y/N blushed furiously and hid her face in his shoulder and he laughed.

"Sorry about that sweets. Blame it on the adrenaline." He whispered in her ear before he walked back to the center of the stage.

"Everybody give it up for my Ultimate Fans!!" He gestured towards them and they took a bow before walking off the stage.

********************************************

The sun blasted through the windows causing Y/N to groan and wince in pain. She couldn't remember when or how she got home last night. Her head was pounding and felt like it belonged to someone else. The room was spinning slightly and it hurt when she opened her eyes. Alcohol was bad. Especially when it was free.

She managed to drag herself out of bed and went to revive herself in the bathroom. After a cold shower she felt a bit better, but her head was still hammering. She downed a few painkillers and made her way to the kitchen and bumped into a half-naked blonde standing by the kitchen sink.

"Hey." She said and scampered off.

Y/N held her temples and took deep breaths. Her heart was being squeezed but she tried to tell herself that it didn't matter. What Colson did or who he did didn't matter. But the more she tried to bury the pain the more evident it became. She steadied herself on the counter and drank a glass of water but the pain manifested its ugly head. She rushed out of the kitchen with tears streaming down her face but what she saw next only caused her more pain.

Colson was standing just outside his bedroom door making out with the mystery blonde. She was clinging onto him like her life depended on it.

"You made my night sweets. Hope I run into you again next time I'm in the neighborhood." He said to her as he gave her a final peck.

"See you around Colson." She crooned and blew him a kiss before descending the stairs.

Y/N stood transfixed on the spot unable to move. Their eyes met and Colson simply winked at her before closing the door in her face. She trudged back to her room and threw herself on the bed. Then she made a decision-she had to go back to the penthouse. There was no way she would stay under the same roof with Colson while he continued to play ping-pong with her fragile heart.

"I can't do this anymore." She said to herself.

With her bag packed she hauled it downstairs and went in pursuit of Jax or any other driver that would take her back to the condo. She found Jax in the kitchen, giving the cook instructions to take breakfast up to her room.

"That won't be necessary Jax." She came up from behind. "I'm going back to the others-at the penthouse."

"Is Colson aware of your intentions?" He quirked his eyebrow as he towered over her.

"Why would he even care?" She lashed out. "Sorry Jax. I shouldn't be-"

"That's quite all right Miss Y/L/N. I know Colson can be a bit too much to handle sometimes." He winked at her, his brown eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Do you wan't to leave now or after brunch?" He lifted her heavy luggage off the floor.

"Now please." She pleaded as she followed him out to the car.

"I'm risking a lot by taking you away without Colson's knowledge. You do know that right?" He looked at her through the rear-view mirror.

"Really? He could have fooled me." She muttered under her breath.

"I know it may seem like he's a bit of a...jerk but he's under a lot of pressure. He doesn't have any real friends, except Slim maybe-but he's good kid. Just be patient with him. He'll come around sooner than later." Jax was fiercely loyal to his boss.

"I'm sorry but I can't play his games anymore. It hurts too much. I just can't." Her voice broke.

"I understand." Jax replied.

"I can't allow my self to get in too deep. I might not make it back out. So it's better this way. I need to keep my distance." She croaked, fighting back tears.

"It's not a question about keeping your distance but about whether you two can stay away from each other." Jax stated.

"We've only known each other for less than two weeks. I'm sure we can manage." She bit her bottom lip and her heart leaped. Even she didn't believe that.

"If you insist." Jax said and began to hum tunelessly to himself.

Y/N sighed and leaned her head back on the seat. She must have dozed off somewhere along the way because next thing she woke up in her room at the penthouse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile somewhere in Los Angeles a grouchy Colson had finally woken up and decided he wanted to take a certain doe-eyed raven beauty to a late lunch. But alas, when he opened her bedroom door he was met by a soft breeze that wafted through billowing curtains.

"Bambi?"He called out from the landing. No response. "Y/N?" He made his way down the stairs and met with Jax who was sitting on a chair in the sitting room.

"She isn't here Colson." He said from behind a newspaper.

"What? Where is she? Where did she go?" He grabbed the newspaper out of Jax's hands and scowled at him.

"No point in taking your frustrations out on me. You should blame yourself." Jax reprimanded him. He was the only one that could do that and get away with it.

"I don't want her to get too attached." He pulled on his hair and sat on the couch.

"You or her?" Jax raised his eyebrow.

"What? Her obviously!" He scoffed.

"Right. If you insist." Jax started to hum tunelessly, as he usually did when he wasn't buying a story.

"Stop that humming. It's working on my nerves." He snapped.

"If you really want to know she's back with the others at the penthouse."

"But the press is crawling all over that place. She should have stayed here. Why did you allow her to leave??" He demanded.

"Because she wanted to leave after seeing you with that blonde-and I can't blame her." Jax grunted. "You should at least show her some respect."

"I promised to keep my hands off her so I needed a distraction." Colson paced the room like a caged animal. He didn't consider how his actions would affect Y/N, he was too self-absorbed for that.

"Your little stunt that you pulled on stage made it to the entertainment page. Evidently.." Jax cleared his throat and straightened the newspaper.

"Let me see that!" Colson took the paper and there it was for all the world to see-him and Y/N, their lips firmly glued together, her fingers buried in his golden locks. His blue orbs closed as if he was savoring the moment, not wanting it to end.

"You got what you wanted." Jax observed.

"I-not exactly..I was just caught up in the moment that's all." He put his hand behind his neck.

"Really Colson? And you aimed straight for Y/N's puckered lips. Interesting." He straightened out the paper and continued to read the article.

"Bryon is going to have a fit." Colson sighed as he leaned back on the couch.

"So since it's official that you and Y/N are an item-officially not unofficially. Then I think it's time to clean up your act." Jax put the paper aside and looked at Colson intently.

"Yeah..for the first time you could be right." He said, thoughtfully weighing his options. "Truth of the matter is I'm a sex-addict Jax. I can't control it. Especially when hot, sexy girls throw themselves all over me.. I can't resist them." He shrugged helplessly.

"What a load of bull manure!" Jax spat out. "I don't believe that crap for one second." He said with distaste.

"It's true man..I have a problem.. a real problem" He expressed with his hands.

"Rubbish." Jax replied. "You need to stop making excuses for your bad behavior Colson. The drugs, the alcohol, treating women like toilet paper, the bad attitude-IT needs to stop. Only you have the power to change it. No one else." Jax said with concern but he knew his sound counsel was falling on deaf ears.

"I need that in order to survive in this industry. You don't understand-forget it." He said with a wave of his hand.

"Actually I do. I'm 33 and I was your age once.. I was once an addict and and alcoholic. My wife took my kids and left me. I hated her for a very long time but now I understand why she did it. It took me a while but I finally cleaned up my act. I did it for my family and most importantly I did it for myself. I needed to get clean and stay clean for me. I just hope you can do the same before it's too late." He stood up and walked out leaving Colson to his thoughts.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

I won't judge this person (the one who likes ben) because i hope it's not the case. But i saw fans loving characters or ships just because they were hated or disliked in SM or because they want attention. I don't know why they don't that, they are forcing themselves to love stories and characters they don't care or don't even like just because they want to look better or be different, i don't know. It's not even just in emmerdale, it's everywhere. People do what they want but it's frustrating to see that happens especially because they just want attention or want to look better than anyone else.

As a no aaron fan, as a no ben fan, i can see why people can love individually both of the characters, i respect that a lot. But as a couple, you can see there is no effort in them, that words matter more than actions, that hearing aaron saying "ILY" so quickly after what he endured and how are it was for him to say that before, you can see something is wrong with the writing. Idk, i don't even know what i'm saying but i wish the people who love benron would expect a better storyline for them and not just because they hate robert, robron or others fans or whatever reasons. It's just even people who aren't fans of them can see how rubbish their story is weird. Nothing makes sense between them. How ben can be over with the aaron's violence and saying in the same episode that he love aaron? It's not logic. To me, each of their conversations, each look they give to each other show how much they don't like each other.

I really don't know what i'm saying. I feel stupid seriously!! Stupid because as a viewer i can't believe to their love story. Stupid because i feel cheated by the show who continue to telling me what my eyes don't show me. Stupid because i always wonder if it's not me, or not just us because we love Robert, because i see people online who say how great Ben is. I don't like that, i don't like the writing and i don't like ships wars.

Sorry again for my rant. Again, i don't even know why i'm telling you that except i feel kinda a bit better.

you can always come rant to me anon! especially if it makes you feel better.

But i really wonder if those 5 people on twitter who love Ben and Ben/Aaron ACTUALLY like them or if it's a case of Aaron being with anyone but Evil Robert.

but yeah they went from I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS to i love you and you're the reason i get up in the morning in about 20 minutes... I'm just... what??

and i mean we know Danny can play a believable romantic scene - there are plenty of robron moments that still make me melt - but that scene (and a lot of others lately) is just like he's just going through the motions. Like he's only in it for the money and doesn't care about anything else anymore.

But a lot of the robron antis have jumped onto vanity (and a lot of them were Chrissie fans - and Rebecca because the robron fans hated her) and the ones that like m/m couples are now latching onto Ben/Aaron because Ben/Callum in EE isn't very exciting at the moment (i think).

it's exhausting. I don't even have enough time and energy to talk about the things i do like and they devote their online life to a character *just* because he's not another character...

[dutchdread]

Hi why are people so toxic about shiping.

Hi, good question, short, and to the point, I like it. Wish my answers were like that. There are a lot of reasons, and the first reason is that this is the internet, and you're not looking each other in the face. Lets be honest here, almost all disagreements online turn toxic if they go on long enough, it's just the result of poor communication. When there is poor communication, people get tired, then they get snippy. Then when people get snippy against them, people get snippy back and you have escalation. Normally when there is a human face infront of you that serves as a mirror reflecting back the consequences of your words. You're constantly reminded of the humanity of the person you're talking to and the impact your words have. There is nothing like that online, every voice becomes just a representative of the whole, so you're not talking to a single person anymore, you're talking to a representative of all the people you've talked to about this before, who didn't listen, or who were dismissive, who, in short, were as tired about the whole thing as you were. Talking online is like talking in a hurricane, no one hears you anyway so you might as well scream.

This is why I am generally more inclined towards civil conversations here than on other platforms, because it's not a hurricane. The comments aren't lost, there are not a dozen other people who can interrupt and ensure the conversation goes nowhere. When people respond with toxically worded questions, you just don't post them, and the cycle is broken. I guarentee you that arguments about shipping very rarely turn toxic when the debate is happening in real life. People would be more inclined to adhere to the charity principle, just the very fact that you'd be talking to an actual person would make you feel heard, and therefore more careful not to break this fragile productive discussion. But online it really doesn't matter, you can say whatever and it doesn't matter, people wouldn't listen anyway and there is always a sea of other people to feel ignored by. In real life, mainly important topics get heated, not so online. It's death by a thousand cuts, every single back and forth makes people slightly more annoyed, instead of de-escalating every subsequent back and forth pours a bit more fuel on the fire. And since it doesn't matter how civil you are, you're not inclined to stay civil. You can write a very reasonable respectable 10.000 word reply and have it be dismissed by someone saying "you're just a cloti". Well, that doesn't really incentivize people making civil 10.000 word replies does it? You waste your time an achieve nothing, but you call someone a name and at the very least they get annoyed, at the very least you get something, so you might as well, get some revenge for all the time you've wasted. Besides, throwing crap around is a lot easier than cleaning it up. Someone can make 10 low effort troll replies designed to disuade people from having a discussion in the time it takes to create one well thought out good faith reply. As for why shipping debates in particular get so heated? I could say something cynical about it, but I prefer a more wholesome theory. I think people just love love. Toxic disagreement ultimately is the result of some form of passion, and love is a matter of the heart. If people aren't passionate about it, I think you've probably failed as an author. Great stories speak to people, they influence them and sometimes the events that happen to characters become as real as those that have happened to us ourselves. Every experience is precious, even if it just happened in our heads. In the words of Dumbledore "ofcourse it's happening inside your head, but why on earth would that mean it's not real?", a sentiment that should be extra poignant to fans of FFVII. The ability to empathize is one of mankinds most beautiful traits, and it allows us to not only understand and experience the feelings of other people, but even those of fictional characters, allowing us to learn and grow by experiencing things we could not experience in a thousand lifetimes, and yet, the very non-fictional concept of love is the one that's perhaps still closest to our hearts. So when we empathize with a character, and experience love through their journey, and then are told that that's not what happened, I think people feel a genuine sense of loss. Which is rather touching, regardless of the toxicity of the conversations it spawns.

[h0neyjaehyun]

☁︎ 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 ☁︎

Summary // Chenle finds Tali such a precious thing in his life, especially her eyes that have this shine that he wishes that would never go away.

Characters // Talia Flores + Dreamies(except Jisung)

Era / Years // May 2016

Word Count //

⚠️Warning⚠️ // bullying mention

It's no secret that Chenle LOVES Tali. Everyone in SM knows that, ever since they partnered up during the trainee days he has been attached to her. Honestly Tali finds it adorable and doesn’t mind. Chenle just loves being in her presence since he feels so loved around her.

But the thing that Chenle loves the most about Tali is her eyes.They are so pretty to him and her eyes, he can tell how much she loves him.As people say the eyes are the window to the soul, and when he looks into her eyes, he couldn’t agree more.              

He always tried to look into her eyes at least once everyday to reassure himself the light was still there .Sometimes he would look at them for so long Tail would get flustered.He would just smile and coo at her and say “Aww I'm sorry didn’t mean to make you flustered.” then he would hug her and giggle cutely.

There have been many moments fans love of either Chenle or another member complementing Talis eyes and her getting flustered.Most of them is of Chenle just admiring her and complementing than the other members.

Chenle has heard about Tali’s talent and her beauty, especially her eyes, so when he was partnered with her and Renjun he was ecstatic. When he first saw her boy he was amazed with her eyes, prettier than he thought they would be, vibrant.

When he met her, he was so shy yet out there. Over time when they were trainees he had gained confidence and complemented her eyes, but was disappointed with what he discovered.

Tali just came out of vocal practice for a 30 minute break to eat lunch.She went to the cafeteria to grab some food and she saw a familiar group of boys eating.

”Heyy,” Mark said, dragging his voice first to notice his female friend.Tali smiled and responded.

"Hey Marky." She sat between Mark and Chenle, Chenle hugging her.Jaemin started feeding her since she forgot to grab her food.

Chenle started to stare at Tali admiring her eyes, unlucky for the Chinese boy, Haechan noticed and started to tease him.

“Ohh~ is out Chenle checking out Tali, ahh~ he's crushing on her, Chenle has a crush on Tali ,Chenle has a crush on Tali.” Haechan said with a high pitched teasing voice, with a smirk on his face.

Everyone in the group knew that he just finds her precious, so they  were now either teasing or pitied the flustered Chinese boy in front of them.

“N- no it's not like that” They poor boy was trying to explain, but he was still too flustered to speak properly.

“Then what is it?” Jaemin said in a teasing voice while handing Tali her water that she couldn’t open. Tali just shook her head at the boy handing her the water, feeling bad for the flustered boy that couldn’t seem to get his words out.

That's when Chenle finally had the courage to say something that caught Tali off guard.But something the boys all agreed on.

“I- i was just staring at her because I wanted to look at her eyes.”Chenle said with embarrassment, all the boys laughed in agreement. He then looked up at Tali expecting her to be smiling but instead she looked shocked and confused.

He was surprised when she was shocked. Did he do something wrong? She could tell that he was worried that he said something wrong.

“Oh uh sorry you didn't do anything...it's just." She said hesitantly while shaking her head.

”It's just I don’t get complimented on my eyes” She said with a shy smile.

They boys were surprised over that, everyone gushes over her eyes, and talks about it what does she mean she doesn’t get compliments.

“No~ it's just I get the opposite...some female trainees in my dance practice say I don’t look pretty because of my eyes or I should have colored contacts because I look weird.”She said hesitantly but with a cute head tilt and a sad smile.

Everything went quiet

Tali looked at all the boys and she could tell they were mad

But before any of the guys could say or do anything she gave them a smile 

 “ Hey it's fine, I'm used to it, and it doesn't bother me much. I've always been called weird or been told my eyes make me look ugly it's okay, either way I gotta go back to vocal practice, please behave. I don't wanna cause problems.”

The boys were quiet when she left, all thinking who the hell would do that to Tali, their noona. 

Chenle was conflicted, how can people be so insensitive, he was mad really mad.Who would do that to his noona she was always sweet and caring-

“We have to do something”

Everyone looked up to see a pissed off Haechan.

“You know what she said-” “Oh please Mark, you really think it doesn’t bother her anymore, she bottles up her  emotions, we can’t just sit here and not do anything when we know what is happening.” Haechan snapped at Mark.

“Haechan we know, but we also have to respect her wishes. ” Jeno said with a stern voice trying to calm him down.

”but Haechan has a point we need to at least do something.”Renjun said with a sad tone.

They were all conflicted on what to do.Part of them want to have a “talk” with those girls while the other part of them want to respect their noona’s wishes.It was getting late and they decided the older ones to try to figure out who did it secretly.

While Chenle distracts her which he did to his excitement since even tho how long he has been clinging on to her, he never got the chance to hang out with her alone.

“We are….what?” Tali said with a surprised voice wondering what's going on with the adorable boy infront of her brain.

“We are going to go out together just the two of us!” Chenle said with such excitement in his face excited to finally have time with his noona alone and get to know her better.

Chenle could never see if she was sad or mad or any negative emotion from her so at times it was hard to read her.So he took this as an opportunity to get to know her better.

Tali looked at him confused on why out of all people, why her.She thought about it while looking at his face thinking to herself...how can I reject that face. She sighed while looking at him with a sweet smile,

”Sure, why not”. 

With all of that Chenle melted, her eyes looked at him so lovingly, and when she accepted, happiness filled him and he started to drag her to the mall.He wanted to buy her everything thinking she deserves the world.But she stops him and it doesn’t take a lot of convincing either. It just takes one caring look in her eyes and everything doesn’t matter anymore.

The things he has learned about her is that she is not that girly; she is more of a soft person and her color palette in clothes wise is around the warm colors like pinks and browns, yet also blacks, grays, whites. He finds her style pretty simple.Then realized he has never seen her in a dress or skirts even tho she has a uniform mostly cause she changes pretty quickly after school.So when he gave her the puppy eyes when he asked her to put on a dress and she couldn’t say no.

She came out with a short flowy white flower dress off the shoulders.He was shook on how pretty it looked on her.He noticed how she became shy about to run back in dressing room her quickly back hugged her while she hid her face in her hands, “NOOooNa yOur SO PreTty….can we please buy it and the next time we go out can you wear?” He asked so cutely knowing at this point, that's the trick.She looked at him embarrassed and she huffed.

“...sure”

They left the mall with smiles on their faces.Chenle excitement knowing he is probably the only member that has seen her in a proper dress.Then Tali is just looking at him with adortion knowing that she made his day, and honestly that was her goal for the whole day.

Just to make him happy. 

Then the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that it seems like he likes her like a girlfriend. But both Tali and him know that is platonic and he just loves her so much and finds her the most precious thing in his life.He came to the conclusion that he doesn’t care what people think as long as Tali knows he loves her.

Chenle was looking at Tali writing in her note book some lyrics that came to her mind, remembering the memory about the mall.Tali noticed him looking at her, she looked up tilting her head with a confused but cute look on her face. He smiled at her knowing exactly what he was gonna say.

“Noona….can we go buy a dress for you” he said with a cheeky smile.Tali looked at him with confusion still written all over her face wondering why he wants to go buy a dress for her right now?

“Why?” she looked at him with her eyes so innocently his heart could burst about how cute she looks at the moment.

”Yeah, it's been a while you been in a dress, and it's been a while since I bought you one, last time i bought you one I'm pretty sure it was during the trainee days and i'm pretty sure you outgrew it.” He said with a smirk putting his head on his hand looking at her.

She looked at him in thought but realized he is probably gonna whine if she doesn’t accept his invitation on buying her a dress.So she tilted her head while  she looked at him with the same loving eyes as before maybe even more that he loves to look at with so much emotion coming from them that he could just explode from just a gaze.

“Sure, why not.”

[char-lotteral]

Look I'm not one of those people who believe Kishimoto decided to have Hinata and Naruto end up in the middle part of Shippuden. I believe he decided in the very last arc but he wanted to sound smart so he said he decided earlier on. Otherwise, they obviously would have more scene together. In Shippuden, they have only three scenes together ; when Naruto came back, the pain attack and the neji death scene. That's it. In the original Naruto, they probably have less than ten canon scenes not including fillers.

So I'm sorry I'm one of those who wasn't convinced by The Last. They literally had a basic villain go after Hinata who was cringe btw (the villain). They gave Hinata op powers which she doesn't have in the novel 👀. Despite having op powers, they made her the damsel in distress. Very "The hero saves the princess" cliche. Again, to justify them being together. I mean Naruto can't differentiate his love for ramen and romantic love so how??? He was just being nice to Hinata just like he does to everyone. He stood up for her just like he does for everyone.

Don't get me started on the Sakura Sasuke relationship 🤣. Cringe. They never knew each other. The whole Sakura's love for Sasuke saved him doesn't make sense. They spent barely a year in their genin year before sasuke left. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura multiple times. Then at the end of the war, Kishimoto tried to do the "oh they have such a deep understanding between each other" which comes off as cringey. He gets her pregnant then leaves for years. She's literally a single mom who's broke.

Every relationship in Naruto is so cringey and forced except shikatemari. Kishimoto should've focused on the main story and fixed his potholes and leave the ending open.

Naruto would not have been perfect but at least it would've been remembered for staying true to its vision but instead it's remembered for cringey relationships, dumbass villain (except pain and madara) and a story that lost its core which is a shame coz I used to love Naruto. I was inspired by its messages but now....

OKAY LOL WAIT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS LONG ASS RANT PREPARED XD

BUT FIRST Ive read what you said and I lowkey agree :p

HOWEVER

I DRAW THE LINE AT TONERI SLANDER. BECAUSE WHY

TONERI?? CRINGE?? THIS SEXY MOTHERFUCKER??

LOOK AT HIS WHITE FLUFFY HAIR AND HIS CERULEAN BLUE ORBS STARING DEEPLY INTO YOUR SOUL

SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW?!#*@*#&@*

okay lol now for the juicy part click readmore and beware I shall be brutally honest so yea enjoy

I mean, Naruto in general is a mess, not just the ships if we're being realistic. Alot of plotholes, rushed endings, this and that, the w a r a r c, Kaguya, the way they rushed Boruto ehhh. Honestly, getting into Naruto is literally my biggest regret of 2020 :"DD

Im an NH shipper as you can tell by my hotmess of a blog but i fully respect your opinion and understand your point of view. I also know a bunch of nh stans who have their complaints with their development. I wish Kishi gave more attention to his female cast really, thats all I fucking ask. If he did that one single basic thing, then maybe the endgame relationships wouldnt have been an asspull and theyd be given propper screentime with their love interest, both Sakura and Hinata. The Last tbh i think the writers played it safe and stuck to the whole Naruto shounen vibe thingy, so im not surprised it was plotted that way. Typical cliché shounen movie.

But does that bother me? No! The Last was a mess, their development was shit, they definitely needed more screentime but hey at the end of the day theyre cute as fuck, we have that kiss scene, flirting scenes, a shit ton of official art, three kids, Seiki's gif :33 and a whole ass arc for their wedding all that for just a shounen anime so eh. Compensates for it i guess xD theyre not toxic, unhealthy or whatnot. Theyre wholesome, soft and vanilla as fuck and exactly what i need in my hectic life rn. No drama, just two kind souls who are adorable as heck and theyre dynamic means so much to me and I will love them until i shall leave this earth.

Anon, im not even gonna waste my time and defend their development because i think it sucked too xD but if you wanna know why i love them so so so soooo much, Id be more than willing to tell you :33

Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand eeeehhhh i can see why people like them. Sasuke's hot, he's your typical hot bad boy aad Sakura's hot and pretty too. Basic blue and pink trope. Aside from their canon interactions, fans have all the opportunity to play around with their dynamic but for me, its just sooo basic and so hetero and can easily appeal to any 16 yr old teenage girl, no wonder it has an active fanbase on twt and---- AM I MAKING ANY SENSE? AHDBAJJE LIKE ITS SO-- BASIC, your usual bad boy x pretty girl trope that you get to read in YA and coming of age novels. Not only that, but going back to canon, they have too many negative interactions for me to like them together :p The least Sakura can do is put down her own foot and yell at him for not contacting them for god knows how long. I also dont like how he always gets easily forgiven >=[[. I mean at least He's compensating as a dad good for him but ehhhh i still dont like him and Sakura together :v And im not falling for that "Sakura is the reason why Sasuke isnt lonely anymore" because thats NARUTO AHHH. Sasuke said that Multiple times. HE LIGHTS A FIRE INSIDE OF ME. HES MY SUN. MY ONE AND ONLY FRIEND. LIEK?? THATS NARUTOOO romantic or not, Naruto was the reason for his not so lonely existence anymore smh >=[[

Sasuke almost murdered her and Naruto and made their lives a living hell but hey its all good!! He's my best friend and Sakura loves him!! So set him freeee into the worldddd~~

Sasuke left his family without even simply contacting them but can easily contact Naruto through a hawk but hey thats fine! His and Sakura's feelings are connected afterall! Sasuke gave her a ring and said thank you! Who cares about leaving your family. She loves him and he loves her so yey!!! All is forgiven :D

DID I MENTION SASUKE ALMOST MUREDERED HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HE WASNT CALLED OUT FOR THAT@*#&@??!?#,*@#,#

Sasuke gets too many life points this isnt fair >=[[ But tbh he's nerfed so bad in Boruto manga and anime power wise. Like in that time travel arc and the manga. The rinnegan kunai thing was still so funny to me even if it was Borushiki. I just idk its so funny to me lmaoo

OKAY WHAT ELSE. I dont even know any more. Im tired of complaining about Naruto and just when Ive finally gone a little bit away from Naruto, Hinata fucking pulls me in again 😩 she has me on chokehold pls send help. Watch castlevania!!! and one piece!!!! ten times better than this anime about a loud blonde boi who wants to be president. Trust me

overall, i dont fully agree but i lowkey agree i guess. I do respect your opinion tho :))

EXCEPT WHEN YOU CALLED TONERI CRINGE. HOW DARE YOU CALL THAT SEXY MF CRINGEY---

[jeffywittek2020]

Ah, so it was painful to watch. But at the same time I'm kinda proud of him, he had the courage to go on there and he took all the shit that came his way and owned up to stuff. I have to be honest and say, he was trying to talk his way out or around some stuff, which I don't like, but I feel like he's doing that to not incriminate his friends. And that's going to be his downfall, if he doesn't stop. He has to just say his last word, like Ethan said. He needs to read the article fully and make another video about this with the new perspective that he gained there, own up to it, say sorry, and he'll be good. Because to me, it was clear, when he was starting to trip over his words, it was because he was trying to explain himself and tell the truth without throwing his friends under the bus, which, sadly in this case, doesn't seem to be possible and in the end it made it worse for himself.

And that brings me to my next point, which is... Fuck Todd and David. They are watching this from the sidelines as Jeff is being chewed up online, called a rapist and pedophile and they don't even seem to care. He is still being loyal and trying to not throw them under the bus, but his "friends" are not returning the same energy. Especially Todd... Hope he enjoyed his fucking vacation.

And even bigger point - how do they (David and Todd) not feel guilty about what happened that night and think it's okay to ignore this kind of stuff. Especially when at the end of the article the girl who was assaulted said that all she really wants is for them to acknowledge and apologize for this. (not a direct quote, but what I remember from reading it few days ago, so correct me, please, if I was wrong) Where is their respect and compassion for this girl???

About the interview again... I think Jeff was just very nervous and flustered, and also scared about how this all affects his future. And I completely uderstand, I would be shitting my pants if I were in his position and would probably start crying after being grilled like that.

I'm supportive about Trisha and Ethan correcting and checking him on few things, but I don't really feel good about the fact that they wanted him to speak on his friends. Like he said himself, they have to speak for themselves. But in the end it all got better. Also, I was glad to see that Jeff and Trisha have come to terms with whatever kind of beef they had. It feels like this thing is coming to closure with Jeff and I'm content with still supporting him, because it is visible that he cares and he's learning from this.

At the end of the day, I'm sad that the focus has been taken away from the main problem here, which is Dom and getting justice for the girl. Instead this has become this whole "he said - she said" thing. I really hope something is coming for Dom, legally talking. Because otherwise he's not gonna come online and it won't affect him that much. He doesn't have an online career anyway, so nothing to lose, and if there's not any action taken legally, he can still get a job at McDonald's or something, so he would be fine. But I hope he won't be.

I'm so so sorry this is so long but I wanted to gather all my thoughts together (and they're still all over the place lmao) and also hear your opinion if you're up for it. Because I respect the way that you can look at things from different perspectives instead of blindly defending or hating on someone.

I hope you're doing well and are resting after your exams, even with all this going on. This is mentally exhausting, so if you need to step back, please do! Wishing you the best! <3

Okay and I just want to re- empathized something you said right away. A girl was SA and she deserves peace and justice.

I may be a fan of Jeff, but at the of the day this girl’s story deserves to be heard and I’m glad it is. What happened that night was not okay and I am disappointed Jeff played a role by being there , even a minor one at that.

I agree that I think Jeff should make one last statement. He should own up to his missteps and then as much as I don’t think it’s gonna be fun for anyone; he just has to ride the wave of hate. Like Ethan expressed, I think Jeff can come out on the other side of this and I really am rooting for him

As for Jeff seemingly protecting people I really don’t know what to think. I was talking to my friend about it and I think I truly don’t understand his position. Because I said to my friend is you pulled some BS ima call you out. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore. However, I would never have to publicly call out my friend for 100,000s of people to hear/see. And maybe people would argue Jeff choose that life by being “an influencer” but I’m not gonna act like I completely understand what position he is in.

Todd and David not speaking out this and frankly anyone else who was there but obviously some people are involved then other is just disrespectful. I haven’t read the article since it came out so I also really can’t remember but I think asking them for apology and them not even acknowledging the situation? Not okay

And again I will repeat if there is a reason your not commenting on it now; say that.

And l am def skipping around but I am glad Jeff went on the podcast. I don’t know if Jeff was watching the whole stream but the things they were saying, whether you agree with them or not, they were tearing him apart and frankly I was like holy shit and the fact that he was still willing to go on after all it says something about his character that he willing to be criticized and actually listen to it and hopefully he will take away some of the points they made to him.

I know it’s not time to be jovial but what fucking time line did we land ourselves in where Jeff and Trisha had a mostly civil conversation over zoom ? Never thought I would see the day.

Dom deserves jail.

I been trying so hard to form my opinion about all this from the day the article came out until now, but I really can’t. My brain is all over the place

And I’m not ready to stop supporting Jeff. I don’t think I will be posting on here like the way I was before for a bit, but at the end of the day I really do have so much love for him. I just want to see him learn and grow from this and I really think he can.

Thank you anon 💕 right back at you or anyone else reading this: you are not obligated to stay here or read these things if they are making you feel some type of way. Besides the fact I had exams, I was truly upset by all this and being on here or any other social media platform would have made it worst.

Wishing the best to you anon :) I hope you are having a great end of the weekend

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

[mental-health-advice]

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren