#just because I don't love my country doesn't mean my friends suck because they live here or I can't experience love or something

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

y'all ever get annoyed at like. food snobbery

[doberbutts]

I remember reading a post that men are the oppressor class so why would they bother to dismantle systemic patriarchy when they actively benefit from its existence? And as I read it, I thought, Damn, so an entire half of the population can never conceivably help us, and the people who love men in their lives are doomed. It wasn't a helpful post. It basically felt, here's some actual material analysis on feminism and said, That trying to educate and make men be part of feminism is fundamentally a flawed effort, because again, they are the oppressor class, why should they care about uplifting the oppressed?

And it made me think about this very good pamphlet I read, explaining how the white worker remained complacent for so long because at least they weren't a Black slave. And that the author theorized the reason labor movements never truly created exceptional, radical change is because of internal racism (which I find true) and failure to uplift black people. And the author listed common outlooks/approaches to this problem, and one of them was: "We should ignore the white folks entirely and hold solidarity with only other POC, and the countries in the Global South. Who needs those wishy-washy white fragile leftists who don't care about what we think or want?" (roughly paraphrased.)

And the author said, This sounds like the most leftist and radical position, but it's totally flawed because it absolves us of our responsibility to dismantle white supremacy for the sake of our fellow marginalized people, and we are basically ignoring the problem. And that blew me away because this is a position so many activists have, to just ignore the white folks and focus entirely on our own movements. I wish I knew the name of the actual pamphlet, so I could quote entire passages at you.

But I feel this is the same for men. Obviously, we should prioritize and have women-led and women-focused feminism. But saying that men are an oppressor class so they can't reliably be counted upon in feminist activism--it's such a huge oversimplification. And mainly, I'm a Muslim, and I've been treated with plenty of misogyny from Muslim men. And also plenty of misogyny from Muslim women. And I love my male friends, I want men to be part of the movement, and I dunno. Thinking about communities, movements, and the various ways we fail each other and what it means to be truly intersectional keeps me up at night.

I don't know the pamphlet you're talking about but I've read and been taught similar. There's a reason much of my anti-racism is so feminist and most of my feminism is anti-racist. Many people coming at this problem from a truly intersectional angle have seen that there is no freedom to be had without joining hands across the community. Not picking and choosing our allies based off of identity but off of behavior.

As used in a previous example, a white abled moderately wealthy man saying "wow Healthcare sucks in this country, why does this system suck so bad" should be told "hey, this system sucks so bad because it's built off of sexism, racism, classism, and ableism. You want to improve the system? Fix those things and it will be much better in the long run" and not "shut up you're a man. Healthcare is always going to be better for you". The second response doesn't fix that Healthcare is still a problem even if you are at the "top" of the privilege ladder. If we want true change, we have to dismantle the entire system at it's core and build it up without the yuck, otherwise you're gunna get to the top and realize this place sucks too.

Something something if the crabs worked together to hold each other up, they could all get out of the bucket and be free.

[novelconcepts]

There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.

What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.

With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.

Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.

It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.

That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.

It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.

In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.

[zoe-oneesama]

Hello, Zoe! I can't believe there's only four episodes left of SL. I see you recently finished Frightningale. The next is I believe Malediktator. I would love top hear your thoughts of the episode.

Lord have mercy, this episode wasn't good when it came out and only got worse with hindsight:

There are two big, huge stinkers in this episode. Chloe's "arc", which got covered in even more mold over time, and Adrien.

My thoughts at the time (and I know because I went back and FOUND my thoughts) was that this episode would've been a good START for Chloe's redemption..but it was the Finish. So it sucks.

It had all the elements. Chloe being Chloe:

Pretending to be Ladybug just to sing her own praises as Queen Bee

Making her Important Historical Person Project about herself

Getting insultingly defensive when called out and doubling down despite how obvious her lie is

Focusing on Marinette telling her she's not a hero despite the rest of the class being just as "mean" about her time as Queen Bee

Her over the top demands of a disproportionate punishment for the slight by crying for Daddy to shut down a school and banish Marinette from the city

Having an over the top tantrum when she doesn't get her way by declaring she's leaving the country despite her father being on his knees, begging her not to go

Making an over the top announcement of her departure under the delusion that her going to live in New York will somehow negatively effect her former classmates

Her continuing to lie about the circumstances of the akuma to Ladybug herself, only trickle truthing after being pressed multiple times

And in the conclusion, flaunting her ridiculous wealth to not only her peers who were doing something nice for her, but to her best friend who was genuinely upset at her leaving.

Chloe being Chloe. Chloe being a liar, a bully, a spoiled princess who only cares about what SHE wants.

And in this episode she breaks the one person who was always in her corner, even more than Sabrina - her father. As far as a redemption arc goes, that's probably the best way to start things, because this is the guy who'd drop everything for her, bend heaven and earth for her whims, who abandoned his dreams of being a movie director to instead become Mayor to get the power and money to take care of her (at Audrey's insistence). And she broke him. Left him, just like her mom left them both before.

In another universe, maybe this would be the thing that broke Chloe, that finally made her look inward and realize that the call of toxicity, negativity, and entitlement is coming from inside the house. She is the one who makes people around her miserable, and in turn, herself miserable, because it makes no one want to be with her, it makes no one like her.

Realizing this, vocalizing this, and doing something about this could've been a good start. She can be rewarded for being vulnerable and open and taking responsibility by being given the Bee Miraculous and being allowed to fix things, which could start her wanting to fix things without a Miraculous. Thus, a START of her redemption arc.

But as I noted back then, and as I note now, this isn't the start. It's the finish.

All this vulnerability about not being liked and hurting her daddy's feelings and feeling worthless comes after info-dumping about her Sad Mommy issues which were pretty much resolved as soon as they were brought up THANKS TO HER SWORN ENEMY MARINETTE, and after she picked up a Miraculous and kept it for herself, and after she abused that power to CRASH A TRAIN to try and win herself clout. So I'm sorry that I don't care that Chloe "deserves a second chance" or that "maybe Queen Bee will make her a better Chloe" after she almost killed people to show off for Mommy.

The big finale says "Well Chloe's sad so maybe she could possibly be good, though only when it directly effects her." She can't even muster a goddamn thank you for the party, they didn't even pretend she was going to change.

And that's where hindsight makes this even worse. I clocked this as a failed start when this episode came out, but adding on top of that the next two seasons where she unofficially joins the villain's side makes this even dumber.

The episode does the usual shtick of Somehow Blaming Marinette: she feels bad for telling Chloe she's not a hero, she feels bad for celebrating her leaving, she gives HERSELF partial blame for Andre being akumatized. Well, I don't blame her, show. In fact I'd say she's pretty justified.

For one, what did Chloe do as Queen Bee that was heroic? Try to crash a train to get credit for stopping the crash, which she couldn't even do, and then being akumatized? How about the fact that she found this Miraculous and didn't return it? Or let's look wider and assume Marinette wasn't even talking about just Queen Bee: What has Chloe done that was heroic? Oh one time she kinda helped with Despair Bear - oh wait but she also CAUSED that akuma so it kinda cancels out.

Chloe's not a hero. She could be, she has all the resources, she just isn't because she doesn't want to be.

And why should Marinette feel bad that Chloe's leaving? Adrien says she left angry and upset, but she seemed pretty content when she was throwing out fliers from her helicopter and announcing it to the whole school in one last hurrah. Play me the world's smallest violin. After TWO SEASONS of abuse from this whiny little rich girl, why shouldn't Marinette be happy for herself? Happy that she won't have to worry about her property being vandalized? Or work stolen? Or relative's career sabotaged? That next year she doesn't have to dread going to school because there's no chance Chloe will be in her class? Why WOULDN'T she throw a party over that?

And in what universe is Marinette to blame for the akuma that she didn't even come in contact with? Just because, as usual, Chloe decided to blame Marinette for all the backlash she rightfully got even though Marinette was the last one to say something? Just because her classmates agreed with what Marinette said, and Chloe got weirdly fixated on Marinette, and Chloe took it out on her father, it's somehow Marinette's burden and blame for Maledictator? Sure Jan, that'll hold up in court. The mental gymnastics to even blame a twice removed party...

And all of it is for naught. Marinette sees a vulnerable side of Chloe and gives her a chance as a hero and throws her a party to celebrate her "accomplishment" as Queen Bee because "Being Ladybug made me a better Marinette, maybe being Queen Bee will make her a better Chloe".

Well guess what. It didn't. It inflated her already massive ego and gave her another thing she felt entitled to that she didn't earn and led to the mother of all tantrums when she was told multiple times she wouldn't be getting her way, leading to Marinette losing Fu as an ally. All the self flagellation, all the bowing to Chloe's ego, all the hoops Marinette went through to make Chloe feel better did nothing to help Chloe change into a better person, so all it is is a waste of time and teaching Marinette a lesson that ends up blowing up in her face. It was frustrating back when this episode came out to see how unearned it all was, and now it's extra frustrating because you know how pointless it all was. All the deliberate audience manipulation for a complete non-starter.

SPEAKING of frustrating to watch, I believe I promised you TWO big stinkers in this episode.

Get back here Adrien, I'm barely even started with you. How fucking dare you come in here and lecture anyone about treating Chloe badly? I don't care if Chloe was your friend when no one else is, that doesn't invalidate the happiness everyone - and I mean EVERYONE, including teachers, your classmate, and your own Best Friend - was feeling at her departure. Good for you that she was a warm body to stand next to in your childhood years, but what kind of criteria do you even have Mr. If We Made Eye Contact We're Friends?

Because you haven't shown us that she was a good friend. Hell, you haven't shown us YOU were a good friend! If you were so concerned for her, why didn't you go after her when she left in a huff? Why didn't you text her or try to convince her to stay? Why didn't you stop your class from pointing out her bullshit when she gave her duplicitous presentation? Why NOW is your only move to berate her number one abuse victim (next to Sabrina) and then sulk in the corner like a dark cloud trying to ruin everyone else's good time?

Why aren't you NOW going after her or texting her? Why are you still at this party? Why aren't you lecturing any of your other friends about what they're doing? Why why why?

(Logistically it's so Marinette and Adrien are on the outer rim of the party and don't get hit by Maledictator's command spell to destroy the school, but literally since when has the show cared about logical reasons for the two to get away from a crowd?)

You know what sucks? This episode was fun until Adrien opened his big mouth. Everything was fast paced and melodramatic and over the top and fun - and then party pooper Adrien has to call everyone TeRriBlE despite ALL the terrible things Chloe's done over the course of this series RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

And because the writing is poor and doesn't want to actually challenge Adrien in any way, they have Marinette call Chloe "useless" when that is literally the least of her problems: a bully, a brat, selfish, spoiled, vindictive, manipulative, a liar, self centered, delusional, I don't know, just plain fucking MEAN. If Marinette stuck to any of these things that Adrien couldn't refute, maybe we could've had something INTERESTING here. But instead they gave him a near strawman just so he could refute ONE THING "bad" about Chloe instead of confronting the fact that his childhood friend was and is a shitty person.

Maybe on top of Chloe realizing something about herself, we have Adrien realize the nature of their relationship: that he's so conditioned to accept her and his father's crap that he's even conditioned to be uncomfortable when anyone ELSE challenges their crap. That he's put unrealistic expectations on his other friends just because of his own coping strategy against the people in his life that constantly take advantage of him. That it's unfair of him to expect other's to just shut up and put up with unfair treatment just because shaking the status quo makes him kinda nauseous. Just, you know, if they wanted to do something INTERESTING for once.

Maybe this could've where Adrien realizes that not only do his friends deserve to be treated better, but so does he. That by not invalidating his friend's feelings, he can stop invalidating his own. It could be a first step to him overcoming his people-pleasing nature and begin his own arc about taking charge of his life, maybe eventually leading into him taking control of his portion of the plot, MAYBE leading him into being an actual deuteragonist in this series instead of the semi-damsel love interest.

If Adrien would've been made to actually face the fact that the person he grew up with was a garbage person, maybe he'd take some time to look at his dad differently, or Nathalie, or even his own mother and try to see them from a different point of view. A view where he realizes he deserves better.

But instead he manages to guilt trip the only person in the room who wouldn't have challenged him so badly that she actually gives the cruelest person she's known a freaking Miraculous and throws her a celebration party for doing ONCE the thing she herself does on a daily basis with no accolades. And it was aaaaaaaall worthless.

Or should I say "useless"?

[plutosmainhoe]

☾ Aquarius Moon Tings ☽

Just some observations I have picked up along the way as a 4H Aquarius Moon that married a 12H Aquarius Moon

🚨 By no means am I an astrologer. Please take this with a grain of salt 🚨

🌙 IMO most people know that natal Aquarius Moons don't acknowledge their feelings and emotions very well; But it's much more than that. From what I have seen, they understand their emotions, they just don't process them. Aqua Moons are very good at analysing situations but it only extends to there. If a negative situation occurs, they are likely to analyse and move on and not dwell on the situation.

🌙 Relationship with their mother is strange; depending on aspects ofc. Though, looking away from aspects, I've noticed that Aqua moons tend to have an okay relationship with their mother, it is just complicated and inconsistent. They often want to seperate themselves from their mother figure yet continue a low-key relationship with them. Most rebellion forms from the connection to their Mother.

🌙 Aqua Moons have a thing for music, I swear. It is such a big part of their lives. And it's not to just enjoy the music they listen to, it is how they openly express their emotions. I can give you a song based on how I feel towards my mother, but I absolutely cannot tell you how I feel about her through my own emotions.

🌙 It is awkward talking about emotions, most Aqua moons I have met don't really have the tolerance for sympathy/empathy? i.e. I have a Cancer Venus, I am very compassionate and I have a lot of love to give, but fuck I don't want to hear about how bad your week has been, idk how to fix it for you.

🌙 Depending on their Mercury sign/aspects to mercury, an evolved Aqua Moon can definitely process and communicate their emotions effectively; they just need to evolve first. My husband, 12H Aqua Moon trine 9H Libra Mercury, is bloody awesome at discussing his emotions. I, on the other hand; 4H Aqua Moon non-aspecting 8H Gemini Mercury, am horrid at discussing and processing my emotions and tend to avoid it most of the time (bcos I'm un-evolved asf)

🌙 Adding to above ↑ Just because you have evolved doesn't mean you will magically process your emotions each time. Aqua Moons have a habit of living in their head, though they analyse and move on, they can tend to overthink.

🌙 Definitely have a 'I don't fucking care' or 'Whatever' vibe. It can be hard to connect to Aqua Moons because of this. They can be very straightforward and direct (remember, they display sympathy/empathy weirdly), I wouldn't suggest looking for emotional advise from an Aquarius Moon.

🌙 They be old souls 100%. Old movies, music, tv shows, clothing. Or they may have very different tastes in these aspects to the norm. Aquarius being eccentric, free and rebellious, it is unlikely you will find an Aqua Moon that has the same interests as society (or any Aquarius placement for that matter, my Aqua Sun dad is WILD. He is so fucking weird ilhsm)

🌙 I just want to talk about the 4H for a minute, because I haven't read much on this placement regarding an Aqua Moon. I have 4H Aquarius Moon, Uranus, SN, I/C (ofc) and 3H Aqua Neptune - all conjunct to each other (help). Let me tell you, when I say my upbringing was unconventional, it was fucking unconventional. ☾ I was always travelling, whether it was to family 30mins away or across the country; We were never really at home, always doing something (perks of having a Sagg mum ig) ☾ Traditions are very important, as well as ties to home. However, though these are important to my family, I would prefer to break from these chains (Moon conjunct Uranus) ☾ speaking on my 4H Moon/Uranus friends, how much does it suck that we have to be the ones to break ancestral generational curses? ☾ Black sheep of the family vibes - I constantly fight with my mother about the standards she sets for me and the standards she sets for my sister. (Thnx 3H Neptune conjunct 4H Moon 🖤) ☾ Definitely have a high chance of leaving home young - They seek freedom and being tied to home is not free; especially if there are harsh aspects to the Moon. Using my 4H placements, I left home at 19. ☾ Pluto aspects are super interesting when the Aqua Moon is in the 4H. Depending the aspect, natives can either face easy transformations to their emotions regarding home life/mother/emotions, or it can be super difficult. Mine is sextile Pluto; I am really good a reading emotional atmosphere changes and can pinpoint when a change is happening with my emotions internally. Harder aspects (Square, Opposition, Conjunct) will make it difficult to understand when a transformation in atmosphere/emotions is present.

🌙 Notice how Aqua Moons have a small, tight group of friends; no matter their Sun sign? I've noticed it is because the people they pick to become close friends with have something to give emotionally. We don't understand our emotions, but someone else does. You could have a Gemini/Sagittarius Sun and have a massive group of friends, but if you have an Aqua Moon alongside this, you will likely have a large group of friends, but a select few that you actually connect well with.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! ~PMH 🍃

[mrs-monaghan]



Tk being a couple makes literally ZERO sense. To truly believe they are a couple is wild AF!! I for one think Tae is quite obviously straight but let's look at more empirical evidence...what Tae and JK have actually said/done...

JK and Tae both admitted to having a falling out that lasted years 2016-2021.

Tae back in 2016 during the bungee jumping episode said: "I didn't notice Jk ignoring me because he always does."

We've all seen Jk and Tae's live interactions when it's just the two of them, look at their vlives and even Bon Voyages--they struggle to not be awkward when it's just the two of them. Some can claim it's because they are hiding but anyone with half a brain knows the difference.

Legit GCFT is a whole thing...no Bf would make a whole vlog with romantic music about another man...RM even said GCFT would get more views if it was with Tae but JK did it for Jimin

Speaking of GCFT, that whole trip was paid for by JK

Jk looked peeved when he had to share a room with Tae during BOn Voyage 3

Bon Voyage S1 Jk (in front of Tae) said he wanted to share a bed with Jm

Body language alone shows that they are nothing but bros

Tae...get out your imaginations

Also Tae looking smug (on multiple occasions) when talking about Jk and Jm hanging out all throughout the night

JK sucked JM's ear on stage

JM gave JK a hickey and laughed about to members

when JK was sick only JM was allowed to stay no other member, even JK wanted them all to leave but not JM he was okay with him staying behind.

Tae literally said that if he could be any member he wouldn't want to be JM or JK because something alongs the lines of they do weird things.

Tae slick acknowledging JM's preference for JK during that Live where they had to write a note for each member and then guess which member the note was written for and Tae was like "I know JM well and this is deff for JK"

JM and JK are always together (according to staff), always going home together, etc. etc. and Tae doesn't seem to care less

JK had his own room (when they all lived together) for a while but chose to sleep in the same room as Jihope and was their unofficial 3rd roommate...so much so that he was grouped with them on Muster.

JK being able to choose who he spends the most time with but when on tour he chose to always be with JM to the point Tae said he didn't know if the room was JM's or JK's. (Tae didn't seem to mind)

When JK needs comfort he seeks out JM, this is clear in behind the scenes moments.

JK called JM his all nighter friend and when JM should have been home (he was at home) he was with JK (for his birthday) crying about their Grammy nomination?!?

Tae not knowing Jk's room number when they go on tour and would have to text the group chat.

JK only giving JM bday presents for a good while.

Tae telling JM he liked him the most (not JK, Jimin)

JK saying he didn't talk to anyone but JM and J-hope when they were on like a 3 month break (but somehow he dating Tae and not talking to him?)

Tae not being apart of JK's bday activities when on break but JM flying across the country

oh and let's not forget that JK dedicated a whole live to watching videos about JM and then in his other lives became an absolute child in love whenever JM's name was mentioned. Oh and when JM came into the chat how he begged him to come over...changed his profile pic to JM etc. etc.

This list could go on and but I will stop here. This is not to say JK and Tae aren't friends...I think they have a close relationship but are quite obviously nothing more than friends. Like it's the most obvious thing ever and I don't know how this ship is so big or why people believe it. I know some ppl ship them for aesthetic purposes but to actually believe it means either one is blind...doesn't ever watch real content...brainwashed...or doesn't have a fully developed brain i.e. a child. The lack of critical/logical reasoning in that ship baffles my mind.

Taekook hanging out or standing next to each other is more proof of two people dating then GCFT, JK planning a whole ass trip for JM for his birthday, a hickey, JM traveling across the globe to be present for JK's bday, Or them spending time together at questionable hours . . .make it make sense?!?!

I could say so much more regarding my one on one interactions with taekook shippers young and old but I'll stop here.

Damn anon. I'm out of mic drop gifs. So here you go. Just take it.

[butters-flower-mom]

Just curious, I'm wondering how you got into South Park since you don't fit most people's idea of somebody that would be a fan of the show.

I'm honestly not sure how I ended up into it myself since it's so outside all of my other interests. I watched it when I was far too young. A lot of things in it were disturbing but I watched it anyway because it was a show for adults and at the time I wanted to be mature, which in my immature mind meant watching things that were sexual and violent and not playing Pokemon anymore.

I was also going through major changes in my life with my parents divorcing, moving away from my best friend, being forced to go to a new school, and my mom instantly remarrying and getting pregnant. My mom also wasn't paying much attention to what my brother and I were getting into so it was easy for us to watch the show. At first we only had rented VHS tapes because our new house didn't have cable or satellite. A friend of the family would babysit us at her house and her older kids would let us watch episodes on TV with them.

I don't remember when exactly it happened but I became attached to Butters. He was my fave before he got his very own episode, I know that for sure. I don't know if I would have kept watching the show if it weren't for Butters. I was no longer watching it just to seem adult. The show became comforting to me somehow and only became more comforting as Butters got more and more screen time. I remember being terrified they were killing him off when his mom tried to drown him and I was fully prepared to drop the show if they did.

By Season 6 I was in high school which absolutely sucked. I had no friends. All anyone there seemed to care about was parties and sex and I wasn't into those things so I was a loser. My mom's new husband was an abusive drunk. It felt like my life was falling apart. I did things to hurt myself. But through all of this Butters was there. And he was suffering too with the way his friends and parents treated him. We were suffering together. He made me feel less alone. His speech in Raisins made me somehow love him even more. He got me through high school.

As I graduated from high school and entered my 20's my interest in the show began to fade. I'd watch episodes if I learned Butters played a big role in them but I stopped watching the show consistently. Eventually I stopped watching it all together. I think the last new episode I managed to catch was Where My Country Gone? while I was flipping through channels. I saw they gave Butters a long-distance girlfriend and it kinda felt like catching up with an old friend and finding out you're both in a better place than when you last saw each other. (I was blissfully unaware of how short-lived his relationship with Charlotte was and how ugly their breakup was.)

Then around March of last year I randomly got recommended a video essay about Butters on YouTube. By this point I had ironically become almost anti-South Park, maybe due in part because of the fact it doesn't line up with the rest of my cute and soft interests. But I clicked the video because I remembered how much he used to mean to me and instantly all the love I had for him came flooding back. I'm not sure if it ever really left. I might love him even more now. We both made it through. We're both still here. And we both found each other again.

[krikeymate]

I hold by the idea of Tara and Sam having a off childhood from the jump like the idea that their father would dip completely and not stay in contact with Tara, who as far as we know, is his biological kid, just reeks of “I’ve been searching for a valid way out that wouldn’t make me a complete deadbeat and you just gave me one.” He probably married Christina out of obligation since they were together in high school and fell out of love (if he was ever in) years ago. And I like the idea that Christina was always unstable and Sam was the solid foundation for Tara growing up. Sam leaving knocked Tara off balance and made it easier for someone like Amber to insert herself in Tara’s life (shout out to the tamber crowd tho no shade)

Anon I'm in love with you.

I've mentioned before that I had some really dark thoughts on how their childhood could have been, and I have decided I am going to explore some of them. I've kind of held off on them because they seem to focus more on Tara than Sam, and I don't want people to think I love Tara/Jenna more than Sam/Melissa, because that's just not true, I love them equally. I'm just very cautious of the Sam v Tara attitude that I've seen a lot of. My theories hurt both of them, just in very different ways.

I think you're spot on that Mr Carpenter married Christina out of obligation. Neither of them were in love with each other, they were just having fun, but well shit they're in this situation now. Maybe they were even prom king and queen, jock and cheerleader, a real stereotype. Maybe there was an expectation they would end up together anyway. Christina didn't want a fucking baby at 18 but she really did love Billy and now he's dead.

They make the best of it.

She puts her career aspects on hold, he works in sales and sometimes travels for work. Sam is an easy baby, all things considered. She's a deep sleeper and she rarely cries and it means Christina can continue living her life with barely any interruption. He doesn't care for children, but Sam is his and he can admit she's cute in the recesses of his mind. It works for them, they even settle into the role.

Then one day, Christina learns she's pregnant again.

Despite being relatively content with the life she's found herself in, she's not looking to add to it. She makes the mistake of talking about it with a girl friend over lunch, about how she doesn't want another baby. Sam, who should have been napping, is awake and hears and gets excited. It's all over from there. Her husband finds out and he's weirdly excited about it. He didn't pay attention the first time, content to let Christina do the parenting, but he's ready now. He loves Sam, and he can't wait for the baby.

The enthusiasm doesn't last long.

Tara is a difficult baby.

Born 10 weeks early, it takes a month in the ICU before they can bring her home. Sam nags her to see the baby daily, as if staring at the little thing in the basket sucking on a ventilator is worth wasting her time for. She has problems with her lungs from the get-go. And that's only the start of it. She cries, she doesn't want to feed, she won't sleep. There's constant hospital visits and check-ups with specialists. Her husband decides to go back to work early, escaping across the country, previous sentiments forgotten.

One day she just won't stop crying. She was crying when she left to pick up Sam from school, and she was still crying when she returned. The only thing that stops her from taking a pillow to its face is the sight of her daughter on her tiptoes, reaching through the bars to press chubby fingers to its cheek, cooing at the baby. The thing actually shuts up for once.

Christina offloads most of the parenting onto Sam.

Baby Tara is receptive to Sam because she's gentle and touches her and doesn't yell. Babies are sensitive to emotional cues.

By the time Sam is 10, Christina is gone most of the time, working, or not working, it's hard to tell.

They're both cheating on each other. He gets so mad about the Sam lie because of all the years he wasted stuck with her.

Tara starts pre-school a year late because neither of her parents remembered to enroll her. The school tried to put her in the grade she should be in, but quickly realised that wasn't going to work. Tara was smaller than the other kids, and with her health problems, they decided it was better to downgrade her a year.

Sam does her best to help Tara with school, but she doesn't know about learning disabilities or how to help her.

By the time their father left, Christina did nothing except drop off an envelope of money on the counter monthly and pay the bills. Sam learns to forge her mother's signature to sign off on Tara's medical needs.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Hey I saw the post about the cigs and I don't know how comforting this is going to be but setbacks happen. Recovery ain't always linear and that's ok. I'm not a smoker, but I'm almost a year self harm free and I completely get how much harder it is to not give up after you fall back into it.

Being in a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person. Nor does reaching your limit. Considering the fucked up situation Italian government is in, it's already stressful in general.

I'm rooting for you 💪

i havent been self harm free in like months at this point - full blown alcoholic and all (but i am working on it, i swear). but yeah i mean, i dont like wasting money that im eorking hard for, for shit like cigs and alcohol. i genuinely don't. i feel so dumb bc i'm working like a bastard for money and im also studying to earn another scholarship so i should know better but i just... i've been thinking "i need a good smoke" for like a week and i gave in today. i feel so shitty. i took 2 showers, washed my hair twice, brushed my teeth and flossed and used mouthwash like four fucking times, and i still smell it, still feel it. i hate it. i feel so stupid. therapy isnt working and my life is a disaster and um a bad friend and it all sucks. and yes, the fact that this world fucking scares me, not unironically - i'm fucking terrified, every day i read of people dying and every day i want to kill myself because it all hurts so much and i feel useless and dumg complaining about dumb shit when people are out there being slaughtered, and i now live in a dictatorship so nothing makes sense and im genuinely scared that one of these days someone is gonna kill my unimates and i right outside uni because the police there is heavily armed and they dont care about beating unarmed young adults. i hate it all. i hate living this life - had i been x10 richer or smth like that, it wouldn't have changed. being here in this life and knowing whats going on in the world and in my country and with me within myself is enough to send me spiraling as soon as i wake up - provided that i manage to catch some sleep. i hate it all. i'm also aware i'm manic rn and my therapist said so too but i always feel like this and i want it to stop. i want to make one good decision in my fucking life. sorry for the yapping im genuinely desperate. thank you so much for the lovely words and im also super happy that youre doing good.

[aroaceconfessions]

Okay so this is the confession place for aroace people. Ummm so I may have done something to one of my parents. This was mostly unintentional. The parent was talking about crushes that the parent had when parent was younger. The crushes in question were of both girl and boy gender. Parent (to my knowledge) is hetero. I asked if parent was bi. Parent said parent had always liked both but was hetero. Uh sorry, I don't remember where I was going with this but um,,,,, This, I guess??? Currently also confused as to whether I'm actually aroace or just a very late bloomer. So I've never had a crush in my life and I don't really want one, but according to a parent (the very same one I talked about earlier) they're not something you can ask for or refuse. I also feel like crushes would just be a waste of time (for me, this doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else). I'm also a romantic according to the very same parent, but I still don't know what that means? Please tell me what it means. I mean, I love romances and close friendships in stories and cute romantic things, but just as long as I'm an outsider looking in. (Wow, that sounds really creepy haha. I don't actually mean it in a creepy way though!!) Sooo maybe I am aroace, maybe I'm not? Another thing, I got a few plants but for the life of me I absolutely cannot get them to stay alive :(. A bit sad about that. One of the other states of affairs in my strange life is the fact that my extended family on the other side of the world is bonkers! I feel like I'm watching a sitcom without the funny bits! I'm so glad I don't live near them! My little sister is also getting kind of weird around me :(. She has a best friend now who isn't me and they talk about everything (I could be wrong though). We're kind of growing apart and I don't like it :(((.

I also really want a cat.

Will I ever hit my rebellious teenager phase? I hope not. I love my parents and don't want to cause them any more anguish. They have a bunch to deal with already (including my bonkers extended family).

I'm kind of hungry now. maybe I should have lunch early?

Worried about college too. I need to take my SAT and apply and do a whole bunch of other stuff and I'm worried I won't be successful. I'm worried I'll fail my SAT, I'm worried I won't get into college, I'm worried I won't graduate college, I'm worried I won't find any jobs, I'm worried I won't be accepted by any jobs, I'm worried I'll hate my job, I'm worried I won't ever retire, I'm worried I'll fail life basically.

I'm also nonbinary (agender) and the same parent I've been talking about doesn't want me to come out publicly because parent says I'll "face many hardships and might get hurt/killed and I don't want that for my child". I mean, I get where parent is coming from, but dang, that's kind of a wild thing to say to a kid who has thousands of other things to worry about. Also I don't want to pretend I'm a girl for the rest of my life, that would suck so bad.

Oh another thing, racism sucks :(. I'm not white btw. When you get mad at brown people, you do not tell them to go back to their own country or some bull like that!! I mean I haven't experienced that yet, but both parents and sister have experienced things in that vein. I, however, have experienced so many little microaggressions (so has my sister D:<). For example when we go biking, one of the first things people ask us is "Are you from here?" or "Do you live near here?" I mean, come on! I know this is a mostly white neighborhood but you don't go around asking people those things! You never ask the white kids that! Don't pretend it's something you ask everyone! So rude!

Well I've been typing for about 20 minutes, maybe this is enough? No, I still have more to say.

I'm kind of tired of everything I deal with :(.

Also I hate what went down with Dobbs. The justices just yeeted our rights out the window, huh? Anyway reproductive rights should be protected on both the state and national levels.

More stuff,,, uhm,,,,,another confession... I am deeply uncomfy around republicans. They kinda just remind me of all the bad stuff.

Also I have no irl friends :(. (not counting my sister). Parent (yes, that one) says I'll make friends in college but I'm worried nobody will like me for who I am. When I was younger I had no problems being myself around other people, but now I just tailor my personality to fit other people because I want them to like me. I have no problems making 'friends' with people multiple times my own age, but making friends with people my own age is just difficult.

I'm also worried about the people I love dying because about 6 years ago, a close family member died. I also saw a post here that said you'd treat people better if you pretended everyone was going to die at midnight, and now sometimes I still can't shake the feeling that it might actually happen. I do try to be nice to everyone.

My sister says I'm too trusting of people, and I'm also too optimistic. Anxiety and optimism isn't the best combination haha.

My parents are nice, but they don't really understand all this stuff and everything I'm going through. For example, I told one of them I had anxiety and was believed! And then I told the other (yes, this is the parent who I've been griping about through the whole thing, the very same), but was told "no you don't have anxiety because other people get more worried than you". HGJK BVNKM SO FRUSTRATINGGG!!!

Also I'm half-convinced that parent (yes, that one) actually dislikes me?? :( The parent in question says parent wants what's best for me and stuff but I don't know...

Also the pandemic has taken a large toll on my mental health. Also the Roe v. Wade being killed thing. Also the midterm elections. Also climate change. Also capitalism. Also college stuff. Also being a human. I wish I was a jellyfish. Immortal jellies are really cool. Also Portuguese man-of-wars are cool. Also Sailor-by-the-seas. Jellyfish salad is pretty tasty though.

Sometimes I just wish the earth would swallow everyone else up and I'd be alone with the animals and Earth could start anew.

I wish life wasn't so complicated.

Also I got a therapist recently, she's helping a bit. She told me I have anxiety (not a surprise). She said I may also have ADHD too (also not a surprise).

Anyway, if you read the whole thing, have a nice day!!! Even if you didn't, you can have this ->❤<-

~ (:)Anon(:)

[kiindr]

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, self hate, existential crisis.

Why should I care about my life? Everybody telling me, that I'm important, that my feelings matter, that I'm smart, handsome, strong etc, but my life still sucks. From my childhood I was surrounded by books and cartoons with stories where strong should help those who are weak, where kindness and honesty were rewarded and violence wasn't an answer. I was raised by these stories and to this day I think that this is right. But I feel like I'm wrong. People used my honesty and kindness against me and speaking against violence now illegal in my country as well as helping those who in need of help.

Okay, I can't control the world around me at the scale of global events, but I can control my own life, right? WRONG

"Don't worry, son, later in life you'll have a lot of opportunities to make friends" Nope. I went to a lot of places, events and people that I've found there disappeared as quickly as I found them.

"Don't worry, my friend, you're an interesting person and conversations with you are really deep" Nope. Every conversation is a coin flip, where it decides who will be speaking and who will be listening without any interest.

"Don't worry, my love, you're a strong person and thing will be better" Kinda. Some things became better, some things just became less relevant. But every winter I'm still thinking about ending all of this. I still want to end my existence, because I still can't see purpose of this hard life.

And you know what the worst part of it? I'm still standing and I know that I will continue to fight. I will live. Just because my life doesn't matter to me, it doesn't mean that my life doesn't matter to others.

But it's hard. It's so painful. Sometimes I beg death to come for me. I want to see a God or any other supernatural omnipotent being, that will grab my hand and tell me that's it's all over and I've deserved some rest. But I fear that this is not what will happen.

It sounds like you're disappointed and very, very exhausted. I can only imagine the kind of pain you're in. It must be really hard to be you right now.

The fact that you still persevere and carry on although admirable, is no easy feat. Nobody can know the immense amount of courage and effort that must go into it on your part. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you for not giving up. That even though life seems meaningless to you right now, you're still sticking around.

I know that all of the nice things that people have said to you seem far from the truth and unreliable right now, so I'm not gonna tell you any of that. But what I will gently put on the table for you is this:

You define what's meaningful for you and that definition is subject to change. There is no right or wrong answer to this. And it can take however long for you to find it but it is possible for you to find it.

Pick it up when you're ready.

Maybe you already know this. Maybe someone has already said this to you. In that case, feel free to ignore it, or let it reinforce all of that previous information. Whatever feels right to you.

I'm sure there's a lot going on in your life that has lead to this point where you feel so helpless and dejected. Please feel free to use the askbox again if you need to talk about any of that. This blog and the kind people who read it are all rooting for you. We all hope that you're able to regain meaning and joy in your life <3

[dearweirdme]

It's honestly kind of weird to me that if j*kook was real that they would ever show that "hickey" story (which literally looks like a bite just as jm said but let's not digress), that would be a gay relationship in a very homophobic country, they would edit that shit out so fucking fast if they were dating

also a lot of people equate fanservice = trying to make people believe two members are in a queer rs which I also find kind of weird cus once again they live in a homophobic country, to me the whole point of fanservice is literally just people like seeing these two members interact so we'll put them in more situations where they can interact and play off of each other, which doesn't mean they're acting fake the whole time, just that these situations can sometimes be produced, and that the companies intention isn't to create gay relationships out of these moments but rather that is something that naturally occurs in fandom

also I'm honestly convinced some people can't fathom that you can be physically close to your friends because some people are naturally more touchy feely and express themselves that way, to me regardless of all of these shipping wars and bullshit one thing remains true and that is that j*kook and taekook are close to one another and primarily good friends that love and respect one another

like I do see something in taekook that I personally don't see in other duos but that's literally just my subjective opinion and we will most likely never be able to know which ship is actually real if any of them are (frankly seems like all people really care about these days is just tallying up all the interactions we get and fighting about who has more and who "won" 🙄) so I don't really see the point in all the fighting and hate getting thrown around at members, like it genuinely sucks the fun out of everything so idk why a lot of shippers are even here if they're just miserable and trying to prove a point

this was a long ask without a clear point, just ramblings, so sorry about that😅

Hi anon!

Oh no, ramble away please! I fully agree with the above. I got a reply from a Jimin and Jk stan yesterday and I’m trying to convey what you’ve just said (also a bit more, and I will post tomorrow). So thanks 😁

[bronanlynch]

this one has a muffin recipe which hopefully makes up for the extended discussion on gender in a disappointing YA novel. anyway. happy wednesday

listening (podcast): keeping up with Palisade, where the table friends are as usual entirely on their bullshit. love a story that asks the real questions like, what if you follow some guy into a public bathroom and then it turns out he's in charge of the fucked up evil intelligence organization that used to kind of be in charge of the entire planet.

I'm also going back and listening to the Great Gundam Project episodes on original Gundam, which they did at the very beginning since they're going in chronological order and it is so funny to go from later episodes where I'm like "wow these people are so smart and know so much more about Gundam than I do" to "wow these people are so smart and are doing some incredibly insightful analysis considering they don't know shit about Gundam"

also this was a Media Club Plus week. Jack made lots of fun observations about Killua and his relationship to violence and also Gon that will be very interesting to revisit in like a hundred episodes. god I love dramatic irony

listening (music): for once in my life I'm listening to new music, from a self-described "flaming queer power pop" band from New Jersey called Teenage Halloween (I would say they're more punk than that description implies to me, the lead vocals especially are very classic punk, by which I mean rough and hoarse and shouty in a good way). here's their bandcamp, I think my favorite tracks are Takeaway and Getting Bitter, but they're a fun band and they have a sound that I enjoy. and also for normal reasons I like when people sing about New Jersey and/or living in a shitty suburban town

reading: finally finished Leigh Bardugo's Rule of Wolves (last book in the Grishaverse series). some wild tonal dissonance at the end because it's supposed to be a hopeful ending where the future is going to be better and maybe Ravka as a country can change and be better, except the main characters spent the past two books inventing industrialized warfare and that is not something that can just be undone?? they have missiles now??? sorry but once you introduce missiles to your fantasy setting I no longer believe that the future will be kinder & less violent than the past. also, the gender. it's time to talk about gender again. Nina's love interest Hanne, who has repeatedly been uncomfortable presenting as feminine, kills a guy who sucks and steals his identity, and talks about feeling more like themself because now they're not seen as a woman. this is the part that I like, it's fun and interesting and I think it's cool when trans people do regicide (the guy was a prince). the parts I feel conflicted are the way Nina reacts with such disappointment that Hanne no longer looks how they used to (though she does come around to the idea), the fact that all of this comes from Nina's perspective (when Nina has spent the entire duology waxing poetic about what a beautiful woman Hanne is, when Hanne is explicitly uncomfortable with being seen as beautiful or a woman) with nothing from Hanne's point of view, the fact that this reveal happens at the very end leaving no space to see how this changes their relationship moving forward or to see Hanne exploring what their transition means to them, and the way it ties to something Bardugo said, back between the Six of Crows duology and this one, where she said that the next time she wrote Nina, her love interest would be a woman. and don't get me wrong, I love that Nina's bisexuality is very present on the page. however. Idk. that doesn't seem accurate and it feels clumsily handled like. sorry that's a transmasc butch who deserves a girlfriend who isn't constantly thinking about how pretty they were when they were forced to have long hair

however, in books that I'm enjoying much more, I'm reading The Death I Gave Him by Em X. Liu, a near-future sci-fi Hamlet retelling about trying to create a scientific cure for death in which Horatio is the AI of the unethical science lab and also (I think, based on what I've read so far) in love with the Hamlet figure. it fucking rules. I'm a known fan of Hamlet & Hamlet retellings, and also when the setting is alive & sentient & loves you, and also relationships between people and like, non-humanoid intelligences (it's kind of like the reverse of a possession romance, instead of the god/robot/etc inhabiting the human the human is the one doing the possession). also, I think the sense of paranoia & claustrophobia from the original Hamlet is done really well here, in a way that works well thematically and also feels. Idk. I'm trying to figure out a way to say this without psychoanalyzing myself on main but it's a very compassionate depiction of the Hamlet figure's mental state that's just. nice to read. anyway. structurally I love that it's framed as though it's someone's thesis about an incident that they've researched, so there are bits that are excerpts from phone logs and trial transcripts and things like that. I'm partway through but it's extremely good so far

watching: continuing to keep up with the TGCF donghua (for once I've seen the newest ep before posting this), which continues to be a good fun time, even if the cr*nchyroll subtitles are pretty awful (both in terms of typos and also the way they sub gege as Lian). but I do like this arc! it's fun! Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are in love!

watched a few more episodes of Hunter x Hunter to keep up with MC+ and I've gotta say, I enjoy Hisoka as a character a lot more than I did the first time I watched this. I am not immune to when a fucked up guy with a cool design murders people with playing cards. however, even though Kurapika didn't do much in the assassin/battle royale bit of the Hunter Exam, Kurapika is still my favorite

moving on to the normal amount of Gundam we watched, we finished Zeta! god. Zeta my fucking beloved. I think the ending pays off a lot of the stuff about Newtypes as a stand-in for human connection, by which I mean it fucking rules that the Zeta Gundam has ghosts in it and that Kamille can defeat Scirocco, who does not form equal partnerships with anyone or listen to their advice, by listening to the advice of his (dead) friends who live in his brain & his robot. also like, I still don't like Reccoa's plotline overall but her confrontations with Kamille & Char do a lot of good characterization work for both of them (Kamille refusing to believe that she's not just really deep undercover! Char uninterested in hearing her reasoning and attacking immediately but still unable to kill her and surprised by that!) and also I love her final fight with Emma. her and Emma killing each other is yuri, to me. on a design note, I think I tend to prefer the mobile suits in 0079, because under no circumstances do you have to hand it to the Principality of Zeon but they knew how to make a grunt suit with some fun shapes in a way that the Federation/Titans simply do not apparently. however! shout out to the Qubeley. what a neat-looking robot

and of course, immediately after finishing Zeta we started ZZ so. that also is a thing I watched. the tone whiplash from the ending of Zeta with a bunch of people dying and a kind of bittersweet victory to the beginning of ZZ was wild. Judau is so much more of a plucky YA protagonist, and there's so much more of a tone of, these kids are going to do some wacky shenanigans. like, Yazan goes from horrifying to a comedic figure. which is not to say it's bad! I am enjoying it! but sometimes it kind of feels like an entirely different creative team (which I know it's not, I know this is still very much still Tomino. but there's such a major vibeshift). my favorite thing about ZZ so far is all of the class stuff, it's nice to have that as a lens to view this setting (an extremely predictable thing for me, guy who loves stories about class conflict, to say). but I like having protagonists who are concerned about their own economic stability (though it does raise questions of like, is Bright getting paid?? by whom??? is he getting paychecks from the Federation still/again?? who is paying for Kamille's hospital bills??? Tomino please show me the Argama's budget spreadsheets). my other favorite thing is that Bright is still here, even though he is very tired and deserves a vacation. he has Such big single parent energy now, good luck to him. my other other favorite thing is that Roux Louka exists, she's a lot of fun so far

playing: still working my way through Ace Attorney 5. Aura is back and I love her! also I'm becoming invested in the concept of Clay/Apollo, partially because I am not immune to Apollo wearing Clay's jacket and partially because I love when you go to Aura's lab and Apollo is there talking to her, and he immediately realizes that Aura and Metis were in love even though Aura denies it, and her loss of Metis is paralleled with Apollo's loss of Clay. there's something compelling to me there as a story about queer grief, and mourning someone's loss even when you can't talk about exactly what they meant to you

making: we've made a couple of recipes from the Skyrim cookbook (cheese fondue, glazed carrots) (not at the same time to be clear. those were different meals) and they both turned out pretty tasty. however, the most exciting thing we made was the muffins from this post. they are, in fact, extremely good. we doubled the recipe because what would we do with an extra half a can of pumpkin

drinking: one of Lamplighter's pride beers from this summer was a sour ale with butterfly pea flower & lemon, and I'm trying to drink through the summer beers in our fridge to make room for all of the autumnal ciders. this one's tasty! again, love it when beers are citrusy & floral

writing: still working on a zine fic that I can't share yet, and also the extremely Palisade spoiler-y Integrity fic from a few weeks ago (to be fair I haven't gotten to the spoiler-y parts yet, instead I'm continuing to be possibly the only person in the fandom who cares about Orbit Shard). also, predictably, I've started writing Gundam fic. predictably, it's Emma/Reccoa and instead of getting to the kissing part Emma is introspecting about ideology

[dollfaceksj]

bestie, I'm in my final year of university, so if you need any advice, I'm always a dm away. Anyways, here's what I learnt in my 4 years in university (this can go for everyone too:

- Do not feel bad if you fail one assignment, or if you think that it'll kill your GPA - it literally just depends on the scaled weighings for that assessment piece. There are also ways you can resubmit or reassess. You're in univeristy to learn, and that comes with failure, not sucess.

- Talking of GPA, I'm not sure how it works in other countries, but here, in Australia - your GPA doesn't go on your graduate certificate - so even if you just scraped by - p's get degrees. (Passes). Don't live by this though, aim high! The only way people are going to find out your GPA here is if you tell them.

- You don't always need to do every reading or watch every lecture - rest assured. I think like out of my four years (this is my last year), I did only half of this, but I still know what to do, when to do it, etc. Majority of your learnings come from class time, and assessment pieces, etc. Readings aren't compulsory (unless otherwise advised.) Majority of them are there to support you not to teach you, that's what your tutors, lecturers, professors, etc., are there for.

- Group assignments will SUCK. I mean it here. They're so bullshit with the grades and this (I'm a big advocate for individual markings in group pieces). The amount of times I'd have to haul ass on the assignment cause some sick shit head decided to go partying instead of study as bullshit. I'd personally do this thing where I would snitch on you if you don't pull your load of the coursework in a group assignment. I'm not a dog, guys, promise, I am nice. Just - respect goes both ways, and it would be obvious that some group members are there for a joyride, to ride off your academics - it's not cool!

- You're not really there to make friends. But if you find some great people, with great personalities along the way - go for it! I met one of my best friends in my first year of university and we've been friends since!

- Your mental/physical health matters most. Fuck your assignments and your classes if you're having a bad day. I guarantee you won't fail for missing a week - sure you'll be behind and that can be stressful - but YOU matter most. Not your assignments. At the end of the day, you can always fill in for an assignment extension - look after yourself FIRST! Good teachers will understand this and emphatise well. Mental health matters!

- Don't leave your assignments to the last minute - or do it's up to you. Last year I partially lived by the good old saying, "if it's not the DUE date, it's not the DO date." This really stressed me the fuck out, but thats procrastination for you (and partically cause I have ADHD lmfao)

- Enjoy your time. Easier said than done. It's really not easy - university/college. What they don't say at open days is the level of mental breakdowns you will have on ONE assignment, because the marking feedback is BRIEF or the teachers didn't explain it properly. Best thing you can do, look to the course outlines in your selected courses - they are LIFESAVERSSSS. I cannot emphasise this enough. They explain better than some of the professors I have had, trust me, they're godsends.

That's about it from me. but if you really want more - DM me, love you clo! I'm super happy foor you! I can't wait to hear more about it!

thank you for the tips bestie 🫡🫡🫡 i’ll think about you

[traumatisedadult]

I'm gonna post on here because my other blog, everyone knows me there.

So I have a fiancé and he lives in America, while I'm in England 🇬🇧. Even tho I'm on benefits, I found out I'm not eligible for the winter warm discount by the government. Fucked up I know.

My family is stalking me and won't stop till they are in prison for life. The police know btw. 8+ years of stalking, none stop. My family tried to kill me too. So I need to get out of this bastard country.

My fiance is so depressed, he thinks he can't get me over there in America. He's so depressed, he's waiting to die. He's so depressed (he's a norse pagan) he's begging the gods not to take him away because he thinks he's dying. He's so depressed, he thinks death is the only option sometimes. He's so depressed, he's in 40k in debt. He's so depressed, he thinks I deserve better than him and he can't give me the future that I deserve. He's so depressed, he causes arguments because it's the only thing that gives him the run rush of adrenaline. He's so depressed, he thinks I don't deserve him. He's so depressed, he thinks no one loves him. He's so depressed, he doesn't talk to his friends anymore. He's so depressed, he sleeps the day away. He's so depressed, he begged me to dump him. He's so depressed, he regrets getting engaged with me.

It's hard to love him sometimes. Especially when I don't feel safe where I live and he pushes me away, thinking it will save me.

Idk what to do anymore.

He told me today about "I'm begging for the gods not to take me". Wtf is that supposed to mean. He's not dying, but he thinks he is? I don't get it and I don't understand. Is this what depression feels/looks like. I don't get it at all.

I had ex friends tell me to dumb him because I don't deserve a depressed bf (at the time lol). Like I deserve someone who's not depressed. That's what they said, so I just removed them. Also, they suffer from depression. Like, projection much 🙄.

I had an ex best friend tell me "well he's depressed. He doesn't deserve you. I'm not depressed and you can date me". Which I know that's bs, because he's fucking depressed too. He smokes weed because he's depressed.

I truly don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck.

I love him. I truly love my fiance. But his depression, makes it hard for me to love him.

I'm having such a hard time over here, while he says shit like "well it won't happen. You will never move over and change won't happen". Makes me think, me moving over will never happen and I will be forever stuck here, not living my life. Living my life in fear. It sucks.

I want out of this bastard country. I don't feel safe here.

I begged the police to help me move. They were no help. It's not gonna happen. I'm gonna be stuck here and no one is gonna help me.

I'm crying. That won't change anything. Nothing is gonna change.

[lambsearandlavender]

The other day my husband was like, "ok I really need to confess that I like (my best friend's husband) less and less every time we interact" and it was such a RELIEF

And we talked for like an hour about all the reasons she deserves better and why he went from "kind of boring and moderate politically but overall nice" to "spineless, truly only cares about himself and people he personally knows, low empathy for anyone else, increasingly finding out how conservative he is, and treats my best friend *fine* but not at all *how amazing as she deserves* and also so fucking white bread stick in the mud etc"

And it sucks because he's not abusive, he's not mean, he's fine. He does shit that incredibly pisses me off but like, it's not stuff that's egregious to her.

The best way to explain it is, she is straight upper middle class and very privileged; and like in college she would always always fall for moderate to conservative guys, homophobes, etc and is just willing to overlook and forgive SO MUCH in a man, like.... she'll just shrug and be like idk it doesn't affect me and he's nice to x people Overall even if he thinks x politically and whatever

And I'm the rabid queer feminist friend who is like frothing at the mouth bc she's liberal and I'm like WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESNT BELIEVE IN ABORTION BUT KNOWS YOU DONT WANT KIDS

To her credit she doesn't excuse homophobia or transphobia etc anymore bc she has moralls yall, really fucking good ones, but she still agrees to disagree on so much shit that I could never

And I just look at her moderate to conservative husband and his shitty truly awful family and speaking as someone who had to go no contact with their in laws, and my husband is low contact with them, I'm like GIRL DO IT. TRUST YOUR GUT. THEY FUCKING SUCK AND IF YOU MOVE STATES TO LIVE CLOSER TO THEM LIKE YOUR HUSBAND WANTS, YOU WILL BE ABSOLUTELY ALONE AND AWAY FROM EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU LOVE AND THEY WILL *D E S T R O Y* YOU

They literally cause so incredibly much drama in her life from halfway across the country and are not nice to each other or her, do not communicate like literally the worst communicators most secret keeping bullshit people I've ever had the displeasure of meeting, they're so fucking awful and he wants her to leave every single thing and person she knows to live near them. He literally moved to our state temporarily, made friends, fell in love, and chose to marry someone who said they never wanted to leave this state, chose to stay here, has a whole life and friends and support system up here plus her family are the kindest most loving and generous people, and now he's like no we need to move to my state and my shitty unsupportive family in a state where you don't have friends like I do here, where you have less rights, etc

I want to scream

I'll never tell her any of this unless they divorce, of course, but I really can't see him ever doing anything bad enough for that in her eyes

I just. Yeah. I like him less every time we talk and I'm glad my husband and I are on the same page and it's frustrating.