#just an overall silly guy who's a bit laid back but still a strong and courageous warrior

[tiredfoxtf]

Please tell me more about your ocs, I'd love to know more about them :3

Thanku for being interested!!! Most things about them are currently work-in-progress, I started putting together the entire world of Your Spirit (WIP name, it's kinda lame, I'm working on it) like 2 days ago. dsfsdfsgd So they don't have names Yet! But I laid out their personalities I can share that!!! Under the cut. :3

So the first guy with heterochromia is that upbeat guy, who will take everything you put on him, just because he can't say no, even if he wants to. He is too kind for his own good and paired up with his inability to decline requests of others he gets into Situations. He lacks the sense of fear, quite literally, he isn't able to be afraid (and high threshold for pain) so he doesn't quite get it when he needs to back down and turn back and run. He desperately wants positive attention and affirmation from others. There's a few reasons why he doesn't get it as much as he would like it and how no matter his unconscious people pleasing he has very few friends. But it's a bit complicated! He is walking smile and loud positivity in the room and overall trying his best to be a nice guy, but he kinda lacks some social skills so usually he ends up saying stuff he isn't supposed to say.

The girl with cool earrings is the overachiever type, the "I have more things to prove than anyone else" vibes. She has the will of steel and the temper of volcano, she often snaps at people, especially the ones she considers ungrateful and rude. Quite unable to relax, always tense with some pressure in her stance. Overconfident and a bit self-absorbed, but for good reason. She believes in "lead by example" and she is The one to set this example. Who if not her? She is very reliable and strong, with sharp mind, but gets carried away easily with anger (and later feels shameful about it). Deeply she cares for people, just her way of expressing it is in form of screaming on them and talking down on them, to motivate them to improve themselves.

The boy with eye-bags is just tired and done. He doesn't really wants to do what he is doing with his life, but he doesn't exactly has a choice. He just follows the flow of his life, wishing the waterfall comes sooner than he tears his hair out. He just wants to nap and listen to how wind plays with leaves and puts waves on the water. Very laid back, but incredibly smart, people would call him a genius and how he wastes his natural talent. But under his not caring lazy attitude he really afraid of letting people down, especially his parents, especially his mom. He cares about things more than everyone thinks, he just too tired to express it enough. And talking is hard. And everyone are so goddamn loud.

The woman with tanned skin is kind of a woman-child, she is just a bit silly. In a goofy mood. She's capable of being serious, of course, especially in a fight, she's incredibly capable fighter. Still cracks jokes in the middle of it though. That's how she just is under stress. She dislikes a lot of rules and responsibilities that were put on her. But not her team of teens she trains and fights with. That's her fucking kids, her pupils. The fact that she can't be transparent with them because Rules pisses her off. She often fights with higher-ups because of it. Really dislikes keeping important things that could be useful to others secret. But she dislikes being hunted for treason herself more or let alone if something were to happen with her pupil. So she sucks it up. But her own family doesn't like her at all for such free way of thinking.

[we-rate-tmnt]

rate RAPH

Bro I love Raph so much, he adds such a nice layer in the dynamic with his brothers in all the series and I’ll go over a bit of this below!

1987 Raphael

Besides Rise, I feel like this Raph is an overall chill dude. He’s mainly sarcastic and his ‘brute-ness’ is in his insults. Sure he fights a lot, but it’s at around the same level of violence as the rest of his brothers. I really love that he breaks the fourth wall so directly, it’s so neat to me when characters do that, which is a reason why I like Rick and Morty and Parks and Rec (although Parks and Rec is different because it’s live-action and the characters know about being filmed. Rick and Morty has them as cartoon characters that don’t know they’re a show, or maybe not. There’s a lot of theories, but I digress). He’s voiced by Rob Paulson, who also voiced 2012 Donatello, Foot Luteniet in Rise and is the voice casting director for Rise as well (This doesn’t add anything to the rating, just thought it was neat). Sassy, fun, mentions multiple times that the reality he lives in is a children’s cartoon, he’s great.

8/10

Next up is the tiny angy boi of the early 2000’s

2003 Raphie

I love this Raph’s personality! Smart mouthed, hot-headed and quick, I wish I could fire insults as well as he could. In this version, he’s more open about how much he likes fighting and physically trains quite a bit. Although, as a character, I feel that he’s lacking and a bit dry. The only episode I can think of where his character was expanded on was the time he looked out for a kid as hot-headed as he was. After that, I can’t think of anything else. He also HATES bugs for some reason, we don’t what reason, he just hates them and I wish they had more on that. I also wished there were more episodes with just Raph and Casey, they’re fun to watch with one being angry yet smart in battle with the other being semi laid back, but rushing in. On a surface level, he’s a cool character, but since he’s not Leo, he doesn’t get the spotlight that much.

5/10

And now, my SON I seriously love him wow

2012 Raph

He’s still angry, he’s still small but he has some more fun details to him! The rips on the ends of his mask, the crack in his shell, his two pet turtles/fire tortoise (???), his nerdy hobbies. I really liked that they were showing him saying stuff like ‘tickle attack!’ and also keeping the good ol’ ‘I give a flying-!’ kind of attitude. He not only feels like a teenager, but he feels pretty fleshed out. Unlike, 2003, his bug phobia is very prominent in quite a few episodes and I think that was a fantastic decision! He has hallucinations and panic attacks, which really grounds him as a character, his phobia is something that genuinely affects him and he manages to get past it. He still despises those creepy crawlies (who can blame him) but he makes sure it doesn’t get in the way when it comes to protecting his family and friends. Also, he’s just plain adorable, even when he’s ready to murder someone. He’s also the only one out of all the turtles in the 2012 series to have a lovely romantic relationship with this BADASS ALIEN LIZARD GIRL. And she’s not just there as a romantic fill in, she’s important to the turtles space adventures and in the final season as well (despite that we hardly see her after that episode, but I’m not going to get mad about that today). Let’s see, nearly cussed, sarcastic, hot-headed but soft, adopted a cute alien fire turtle, has an AMAZING BADASS LIZARD girlfriend, some noice character progression, squishy face, hit’s quite a bit on my checklist!

He owns all my uwu’s/10

I’ve noticed that this movie has the turtles and other characters involved behave quite differently, so I’m going to add this one to my list!

Half-Shell Heroes: Blast to the Past Raph

Guys, this Raph was just so goddamn cute like bro. I feel like despite that this is supposed to be a continuation from 2012, the personalities of the characters have some pretty big changes. Raph, throughout the whole movie, seemed much kinder and seemed more open to his brothers. That pterodactyl scene just HMMMMM GOT ME IN THE FEELS. I think this rating is based mostly on cuteness, because it was a movie it can’t really do too much character development (especially for a silly one like this).

7/10

Next up is the Raph I just watched last night!

2014 Raph

I actually really enjoyed this movie! While a lot of people didn’t like the designs, I really liked them quite a bit (except for the antagonists). This Raph I think is one of my favorites, with the more ‘done with this bullshit’ attitude, gruff design and woodworking skills. I really liked how well they dealt with his relationship with his family. They showed how much he cared about everyone so much throughout the entire movie. I wrote that note down even before we got to the part with all of them seemed like they were about to die, and it shows that even before that scene, that impression of Raph is left with us. He also was able to form bonds with April very quickly because he knew that this whole thing wasn’t her fault and could see that she would still stand with him to get his brothers back. They handled his character very well and that’s hard to do with a movie. I also like the little toothpick detail and that he was so stubborn with keeping it in his mouth. Overall, a tough boi with a big heart and loves his family a lot.

9/10

Now for the newest Raph and the sweetest Raph to date!

Rise Raph

I really need to give him more attention! I really can’t give too much analysis because it’s hard for him to steal the scene for me. I only really notice Rah when a scene or episode was directly focused on him. However, when this did happen, they were always fantastic! I really liked the savage and Mrs.Cuddles episodes, which showcased Raph’s weaknesses. He’s big and strong, but I feel like that he just grew up too fast. He has to be careful with his size and strength, which are useful when it comes to protecting his brothers but he knows how much he could hurt them by accident. I really want to see when they’ll expand more on that, perhaps there was an incident involving his brothers in the past? It’s really fun to see how he’s handling the leader role and the dynamics this creates with his brothers. Just a big lovable boi with some trauma.

9/10

Next up is our good ol’ comic book turtle!

IDW Raph

The idea of him being separated from the rest of the turtles for the first couple of issues was so neat! I think it added to him getting his family bonds and making everyone’s dynamics and interactions with him different compared to the rest of the incarnations of him.  It made for an interesting connection with Casey as well. I’m still quite a ways away from the most recent chapter of this series, but will update this whenever I get to it! A good child that deserved a family and got one!

6.5/10

Storytime: I used to think his Sai’s were those little rake garden tools when I was little and would nab my mum’s to play ninja turtle if I was in a Raph mood.

[jiminspjm]

Rock Hard + K. Seokjin

❋ “recreational activities make me hard”

⇢ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Oc

⇢ Genre: Slice of Life 

⇢ Fluff, Smut, Baby Angst, Humor

⇢ Rating: Explicit

⇢ Word count: 13.5k

⇢ Warnings: minor description of injury, oc isn’t rlly an outdoors person so gets hurt sometimes lol, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap ur willy), riding, oral (m & f receiving), fingering, nipple pay, slight spanking, cock warming, lazy sex at one point (idk), jin has a big dick (duh), cock worship, praise-kink, multiple orgasms, squirting, they have sex on a piano and against a window???, pet names, dirty talk, daddy is said once?? kinda rough sex.

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 “No.” you said, laying on your stomach flipping through your textbook. You blew a bubble with the once flavorful piece of gum in your mouth, a smooth deflating sound came out.

“Please!! ___, sweetheart.” You looked up at Namjoon, a pout prominent on his full lips. Rolling your eyes at the brunette haired man, you sat up pulling your glasses off.

“Why? You know I prefer to stay indoors, with air conditioning, and my book Joon. What’s in it for me?” you squinted at him as he sat on the floor across from the bed. Blinking at you, he looked at the ceiling. Confused, you looked up as well.

“I’ll buy you coffee and food this week,” he bargained. You tilted your head side to side, contemplating his offer.

“Nah, I can starve,” you shrugged getting up off the bed and walking out of the bedroom. You heard Namjoons deep groan behind you as you walked into the kitchen.

“Please, ___.” Joon said, leaning against the counter. Humming, you opened the fridge and tapped your fingers against the stainless steel door. Pulling out a carton of juice, you opened it drinking straight from the carton. Ah, the perks of living alone. Namjoon grimaced.

“That’s disgusting,” He said pointing at you. You rolled your eyes, pulling the carton from your mouth. Wiping your lips with your arm, you shrugged.

“I live alone Joonie, it’s fine.” you said, placing the juice back in the fridge. You heard Namjoon sigh, as he walked over to the couch and flopped onto it.

“Please.” he whined. Walking over to him, you tapped his butt lightly before walking back to your room.

“Outside has too many diseases.” You joked, sitting on your desk chair and spinning in circles. Namjoon walked into your room, placing his hands on the back of the chair. Tilting your head back, you looked at his disheveled platinum hair. Smiling, you pushed his circular frames up his nose.

“Seokjin is our instructor.” Namjoon said, a hard stare on his face. You immediately pulled your hand back, and clumsily got off the chair. Looking at him with wide eyes.

“That’s all the more reason not to go!” you cried, pulling at the roots of your hair. Namjoon smirked a bit, pulling his lanky body on your chair.

“I know you like him. And have since like, what? Middle of Sophomore year? You’re  23 now, __. You’ve only kissed a few guys, maybe gave a blowjob. And you had sex once and didn’t even cum, like,” Namjoon kept listing things, as you shake your head and cover your ears.

“I fucking know, Namjoon.” you hissed, stomping over to your bed and laying on it. He had a point though. Sighing, Namjoon swiveled on the chair to look at you.

“___, sweetheart I am not saying these things to be mean. I am just saying it because, I think you really have a chance with Jin. I’m not gonna force you to go, but think about it, please? I want you to date someone who cares. Not someone who will stick their dick in you and leave.” Namjoon said softly, looking at you.

You twiddled with the bottom of your cotton shorts, sighing inwardly. You knew he was right.

“I’ll go, I guess.” you said quietly. Namjoon spun in the chair enthusiastically, and then quickly pushed over to you. He poked your cheeks and took your hands in his larger ones.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you, I promise you won’t regret it. “ He smiled, pressing a kiss to your hairline. Rolling your eyes and smacking him away, you laid down on your bed, starting at the ceiling fan. A faint buzz was heard next to you, rolling over you picked up your phone, Mia with the little fairy emoticon popped up on the screen.

“Hello?” you spoke.

“So have you proceeded to get Kim Seokjin’s dick wet yet?” Mia said into the receiver. You groaned, sliding your hand down your face.

“No, and I probably won’t,” you said. Mia barked a laugh over the phone.

“Bitch if you don’t, I’ll make you watch me suck Jimin’s dick,” Mia teased. Rolling your eyes, you sit up and lean against your headboard.

“Fine by me, his ass is nice.” You joked, picking at your nails.

“Damn straight, anyway you better talk to him! This week! Or your ass is mine,” She chastised. Rolling your eyes you told her a short ‘yeah, yeah’ before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up.

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You sat in the car, an annoyed look on your face as you crossed your arms over your chest. Namjoon, hummed as he tapped the steering wheel along to the music. It was especially hot today, and the activity Joon graciously decided to attend was rock climbing. Yay. Sighing, you lean your elbow against the door and look out the window, the rocks whizz by as Joon pulls closer to the Park.

“I’m so excited,” Joon said, a dimpled smile coming across his face. You nodded, pulling your at your plain black muscle shirt. Namjoon glanced at you, poking a finger at your exposed ribcage which showed your grey sports bra.

“Wow, showing some skin for Jin aren’t we?” Namjoon teased. Glaring at Namjoon, you swatted his hand away and pinched his bicep.

“Ow, don’t be a brat. Brats don’t get dick.” Namjoon said, pulling into a parking spot. Rolling your eyes again, you picked at the loose threads of your tan shorts. You were nervous, not necessarily being an outdoor person due to experiences that happened in the past. But having a hyper-active best friend who is all about the outdoors, he always tried to get you outdoors. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even register Namjoon opening the trunk and coming around to your door.

Looking up at him, he gestured a hand for you to get out of the car. “Let’s go sweetheart, Jin is waiting.” Namjoon teased. Huffing you pulled at the bandana around your neck. Grabbing your water flask, you got out of the car. Your hiking boots scuffed across the dirt, as you and Namjoon walked through the park. Children pulling parents by their hands to look at activities in the rec center. Families sitting at picnic tables, and children swinging on a tire. Following closely behind Namjoon, you pushed your sunglasses up your face as you walked to where your group is meeting.

Looking up a bit, you noticed a group of people clustered in front of the information booth. They were all looking at pamphlets and talking among themselves.

“Hey Namjoon!” You immediately were met with a strong back stopping in front of you. Stumbling back a bit you glared a Namjoon who turned around to see who called his name. Craning your neck a bit, you looked up to see him pull his sunglasses down a bit. A wide smile graced his features, indents prominent on his cheeks.

“Seokjin! What’s up bro?” Namjoon said walking past you. You stood there, still not facing the other way. Gripping your water flask a bit tighter, you were about to slowly walk away when someone says your name.

“___?” You shut your eyes tightly. So close. Spinning around quickly, you came face to face with Kim Seokjin. Did he get more muscular. His lush black hair was pushed back from his strong face by his sunglasses. Plush, pink lips pulled up into a smirk. Due to the hot weather, he wore a purple tank top and black sweat shorts, showing off his toned thighs. Strong fingers grasped the straps of a large backpack, a vein leading up to the swell of his large biceps. You didn’t notice you were ogling until Namjoon snapped his fingers in your face.

“___!” Namjoon spoke loudly. Jumping a bit, you felt your face heat up even more, not just because of the weather. You blinked behind the tinted shades of your sunglasses. Waving nervously, you said a quiet hello Jin. Seokjin smiled, walking over to you. Leaning down he pressed a kiss to your cheek before walking towards the group of people. You swear you died right there. Touching your cheek lightly, you looked at Namjoon.

“Did he just-,” you stuttered. Namjoon nodded.

“Yes, he did.” Namjoon smiled, patting your shoulder and walking past you. Smiling a bit, you touched your cheek one more time, before catching up to Namjoon.

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After about half an hour of instruction, and filling out death wavers, your group was on their merry way. Your safety gloves were itchy against your fingertips, as you walked through the canyon to the spot where you would climb. Namjoon basically abandoned you, walking closer to the front with Seokjin. What a filthy traitor you thought, as your group came to a stop in front of a waterhole with a small waterfall. You weren’t too deep in the canyon, maybe 3 miles iin. It was quite cool the lower you got, some of the rocks were slick due to the weather. Overall the canyon was nice, the rocks were definitely tall enough to scale. Lost in your thoughts, again you barely heard Seokjin hushing the group.

“Okay everyone! You are allowed to scale around this area, if you are more experienced then go ahead and start climbing near the water or in this general area. The climbing bolts are marked with chalk so you should be able to tell where to climb!” Seokjin said giving the more experienced climbers a thumbs up. “Also make sure the bolts are good and if not be sure to let me know,” Seokjin spoke with a smile. Namjoon walked towards you as Jin kept talking.

“Come with me small child, I will help thee.” Namjoon spoke, puffing out his chest and saluting you. Snorting you punched him in the arm as you followed him toward the area to climb. Namjoon walked towards the water, wading into it. It only reached his knees, confused you looked at him.

“Just in case you fall and like you know die, the water will help a bit so maybe instead of dying you will just break your back.” Namjoon said giving you a thumbs up. Blinking at him, you were tempted to dumb your chalk bag all over his stupid tanned face.

“Hey don’t look at me like that, either break your back falling, or break your back when Jin is blowing out-,” You felt your face heat up as you quickly ran over to him, drenching your bottom half in the process. Namjoon laughed as you punched him repeatedly in the chest.

“I hate you,” you hissed turning away from the lanky man. Namjoons laughter died down a bit as he poked your cheek.

“I love you too sweetheart,” Namjoon said, pulling the straps of his harness tighter. Sighing, you pushed your hair from your face wishing you tied it back. Pulling at your wrist for a scrunchie, you realized you left your fanny pack on the shuttle with everyone else’s things.

“You look distraught, kitten.” A low voice chuckled behind you. Cheeks heating up at the pet name, you turned to see Seokjin standing in the water as well. His fingers looped in the straps of his harness, strong biceps bulging. His hair was now pushed back by a red bandana, exposing his forehead. The water barely reached his knees, while it went well to your waist.

“You know it’s not a good idea to have your hair not pulled back,” Jin spoke, a teasing grin on his face. Your face burned, as you fiddled with your shirt.

“I uh, don’t have a hair tie or anything.” you spoke, looking at your distorted reflection in the water. Seokjin hummed, as he dug his hand in his pockets. Looking up at him, he presented a dark green scrunchie. Trudging over to you, he pulled his gloves off. Sticking your hand out, he smiled placing them in your hands.

Gesturing you to turn around, you did, the water swishing with your movements. Meticulous fingers carded through your hair, pulling it loosely into a french braid. About two minutes passed when Jin pulled the end through the hair tie.

“And, done!” He spoke, taking you by the shoulders and turning you around. Bringing your hand up to your hair, he actually didn’t do a half bad job from what you could feel. A small grin came across your face as you handed him his gloves back.

“Thanks Jinnie,” you smiled. Winking, Seokjin waded past you to look up at Namjoon hanging off his rope.

“Look at me I’m Spiderman!” Namjoon bellowed above you. Rolling your eyes, you took a step back to look at rock wall, it wasn’t too tall but tall enough to kill you if you fell. How reassuring.

“Okay, so since this is your first time I decided to come help you, one on one,” Jin smiled, clasping his hands together. You nodded, a grin still plastered on your face.

“I’m just gonna make sure everything on your harness is good and then we can get going, sound good?” He asked. You nodded, giving him a thumbs up. Jin got a bit closer to you, he was a good foot taller than you, wide shoulders not helping. Bringing his hands out, he pulled roughly on your harness resulting in your being yanked forward as well. Steadying your hands on his chest, you felt the water slosh between your bodies. Jins hands steadied your waist as he tightened the harness. You felt your eyes widen as your palms laid against his strong pecs. You had the urge to poke them.

“Okay, everything seems good. Are you ready to get started?” Jin said stepping back and looking at you. Quickly dropping your hands you nodded, a smile on your face. “Great, okay so those bolts in the rock?” Jin said gesturing to one a few feet above you, “Your gonna make a knot with your rope, I suggest the figure eight it’s good for beginners; and then attach the rope to your carabiner.” Jin spoke, pointing to the assorted carabiners hanging on your harness. “Then you will hook the carabiner on the bolt and free climb. If you fall don’t worry, the last spot you attached the carabiner will stop you.” Jin spoke with a smile. You felt your eyes widen a bit at the thought of falling, Joon would kill you if you died.

“I um, dunno Jin.” You spoke, rubbing your hand against your neck looking up at the other people rock climbing. Jin placed a hand on your shoulder reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, I promise I won’t let you fall. This rock is pretty short compared to the bigger ones, so let’s do this one then you can decide if you wanna do the bigger ones. Sound good?” He asked, looking at you. Making eye contact you nodded at him, giving a small smile. Jin winked patting your shoulder once more and walking closer to the rock.

“Okay, so you know how to the proper knot right?” Jin asked, untying his rope from his harness. You nodded doing the same and grabbing a carabiner from your waist. You stuck your ungloved hand in the chalk bag, making sure your grip was good. Quickly you knotted a figure eight through the carabiner, before turning back to Jin.

He was already done and gestured you to hand him your carabiner. “I’m going to hook this for you, then we can get climbing.” Jin said, placing the carabiner between his teeth. You looked at him with wide eyes, he was going to just scale the damn rock? Jin chalked his hands, clapping them together causing some salt to disperse. You watched as he put his foot into a hole, placing his hands on the rock and began to climb. You probably looked like an idiot, with your mouth wide open as you watched Jin climbed. His ass is nice. You thought, as you watched his biceps ripple as he pulled himself up. His calf muscles strained as he scaled the rock to reach the bolt. Jin hooked your carabiner into the bolt, then hooked his in a spot that was a bit higher. Letting his weight fall back a bit, he pushed off the rock going down a few feet.

Sitting in his harness, he hung in the same spot letting his feet rest off the rock.

“Okay, now just climb. Let yourself get a good grip on the rock, it’s basically just rock climbing like you would a wall.” Jin spoke above you. Taking a deep breath, you stepped forward. You felt the tug of your rope above you due to the carabiner being hooked. Gripping your hands in a slot of the rock, you grunted as you began to climb. Surprisingly it was easier than you thought, Jin was right. It was exactly like the rock walls you climb at the park. In less than five minutes you made to the spot your carabiner was bolted. Huffing a bit, you slacked your rope so you could lean back like Jin. Wiping the sweat from your nose, you looked over at Jin who had an encouraging smile on his face.

“Well done darling,” Jin said, swinging in his harness. You felt your face warm, not just because of the heat, you smiled at Jin and punched him in the arm. Chuckling, Jin looked up and around the canyon. “Alright, you go ahead of me so I can make sure you don’t fall,” He said, grabbing another one of his carabiners.

You snorted, doing the same. “You just wanna look at my ass, don’t lie.” You teased, leaning back a bit to see where to climb.

“You act like I wasn’t doing it already,” Jin said, smirking at how your cheeks heated up. Shaking your head, you stuck your hand in the chalk bag, slapping the access on your thighs. Letting go of your rope one hand at a time, you gripped the rock and began your climb once again. You felt your thighs and biceps begin to burn as you slowly climbed towards the next bolt. This one was much higher than the last one so it took some effort. You felt sweat trail down the nape of your neck as you strained your arms to reach higher. The next bolt was only a few more feet above you, but as you reached for the indent of the rock you mistepped and the gravel below your foot gave out. You gasped as you lost your footing for a moment, only hanging by your hands.

“Shit, ___ are you okay?” Seokjin asked rushing his climbing to catch up with you. You groaned, feeling the burn of your arms as you held up your body.

“I am fucking peachy, Jin thanks for asking.” you hissed, finally getting your footing. Shuffling your feet up a bit, as you heard Jin above you. Looking up, Jin hooked his carabiner on the bolt and then let some slack go on his rope as he scaled down to you. Your face was almost squished into the rock as you tilted your head to look at you.

“Would you like some help kitten?” Jin asked, a teasing smile on his face. Sticking your tongue out at him, you leaned your head against the bedrock as Jin leaned back in his harness. After a few moments, you heard a movement as Jin swung over to you. Hooking a carabiner on the front of your harness.

“C’mon, I will help you to the top. If we are hooked together I can support your weight.” Jin said, ghosting a hand on the small of your back. You nodded, wiping sweat from your upper lip as you allowed him to help you to the top of the rock. Sighing, you unclipped you leaned back as you felt the front of your harness tighten as Jin began to ascend the rock again. You began mumbling to yourself as you felt climbed behind Jin.

“Stupid Namjoon for dragging me on this stupid rock climbing bull crap.” you mumbled below your breath, or so you thought. “Stupid Seokjin, with his stupidly attractive face and plush lips, and god-like body. How could you be so dumb, ___ , thinking Jin would like you and your introverted ass.” you chastised yourself as you watched Jin climb ahead of you.

“Kitten, as much as your compliments fuel my ego immensely, you need to pick up the pace if we wanna get back before the sun sets.” Jin jokes, a small grunt coming from his mouth as he hooked another carabiner on the bolt. You stuck your tongue out at the older man, as you tried to pick up the pace. Looking up, you saw Namjoons legs hanging off the bedrock, kicking them back and forth as he downed a water bottle. Bastard. You thought, as your arms burned in retaliation. You sighed, knowing damn well Jin was probably irritated with your helpless state. Sighing once again, you were frustrated with yourself, and also you were contemplating on how you were gonna kill Namjoon.

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Long story short, Jin ended up piggy-backing you up the mountain, and you almost threw Namjoon off the mountain. You probably apologized to Jin a thousand times, but him being him said it was no big deal and was honored to feel your ‘tits’ against his back. You angrily scribbled notes onto the music sheet recalling the events of last week.

“Sweetheart, I am really sorry,” Namjoon said, leaning against the sleek, maroon, grand piano. Luckily the shared condo between you and Joon was large enough to house the instrument, considering it was the only talent you think you had. You glared at Namjoon over your reading glasses, the abnormally large frames covering your scowl. It has been a week since you and Namjoon went rock climbing, and you barely spoken a word to him.

“Yeah sure you are, you know I wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t make me go in the first place,” you spoke calmly, tapping a few notes on the piano, the smooth sound resonating through the living room. Namjoon groaned, walking over to the large floor to ceiling windows, which gave you a view of the city. He banged his head against the glass, squishing his cheek into it.

You hummed along to the melody, as you tapped the keys of the piano. Namjoon looked over at you, watching you nod your head along to the notes.

“Is that new? What your working on,” he asked, walking over to you. You nodded, anger slowly dissipating as Namjoon looked over your shoulder at the music sheet. Him majoring in music at uni, made you both very compatible as best friends and roommates.

“Clean the window nerd, your face marks are all over it,” you said, a teasing tone in your voice. You felt Namjoon wrap his long arms around your form, pressing a kiss onto your cheek. Swatting his hands away, you picked up your pencil noting down the change in pitch. “I’m still mad, you can only make it up to me if you buy me coffee for the next week and buy that poetry book I have been wanting.” You said, turning around to raise an eyebrow at him. Namjoon snorted from the kitchen, a rag and window cleaner in his hands.

“Deal, as long as you aren’t mad at me princess.” Namjoon said, waltzing over the window and spraying the cleaning solution. Humming, you got up from the cushioned bench and stretched your limbs. Walking through the kitchen to find a snack, you heard the ping of a phone. Looking through the cupboard, you shouted for Namjoon.

“Was that me or you,” you shouted, reaching for a box of granola. You heard footsteps pad on the wood flooring and into the kitchen.

“It was me, and it was Jimin who texted me.” Namjoon said, putting the cleaning stuff away. Shutting the cupboard, box of granola in hand you leaned against the marble counter.

“What does he want?” you asked, stuffing the snack in your mouth. Namjoon looked down at his phone, tapping the message app open.

“He asked if me and you wanted to go to the beach tomorrow,”  he said carefully looking over the text. Chewing on the granola, you watched him push his fingers through his dark locks.

Swallowing, you responded, “You know I can’t swim.” Namjoon looked up at you, giving you a dimpled smile.

“I know, so you don’t have to go,” Namjoon replied, beginning to type back to Jimin. You slowed your chewing as you stared at him. Thinking for a moment you asked, “Well, who is going?” Namjoon stopped his typing and then looked back at you.  

“Well Jimin obviously, his girlfriend, Hobi, Guk and Tae, I think Tae is bringing Yeontan.” Namjoon said looking down at his phone again, he waited a moment, “Oh also Yoongi is as well,” Namjoon finished looking back up at you, waiting for your response. Tilting your head side to side, you chewed thoughtfully before swallowing.

“I guess I will go, Jin isn’t there so it’s not like I can embarrass myself, also it will give me a chance to work on my music and read.” you shrugged. Namjoon smiled and nodded at you, typing back to Jimin most likely. You inhaled, curling your toes against the floor.

No Jin, no problem. Right?

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You rolled your eyes as Taehyung and Jungkook belted out the lyrics of “Do you wanna build a snowman.” Looking over the lens of your sunglasses in the rear view mirror, you eyed the red haired and brunette man.

“I swear you guys are five year olds,” Mia mumbled next to you in the driver's seat. You chuckled, as you scribbled down another note onto the music sheet. Nodding to yourself, and tapping your pencil against your thigh, you didn’t notice Taehyung looking over your shoulder. Before you could even shuffle the papers back into your notebook, Taehyung’s large hand swiped over the seat and grabbed the music sheet. Flipping your sunglasses onto your head, you whipped around in your seat to see Taehyung and Jungkook looking at the paper.

“Give it back you brats,” you whined, grabbing at the paper. Taehyung slapped your hand away, eyes flitting between the notes.

“Hey, this is actually really awesome.” Jungkook beamed at you. A small smile made its way on your face at the praise.

“Thanks Guk, but it’s not done yet so, give it back,” you sternly said, twisting your body in the seat. Taehyung ignored your protests and passed the paper back to Yoongi who asked what all the ruckus was about.

“I think you have some competition Yoongi,” Taehyung teased to the older man, who grabbed the music sheet. Yoongi’s feline eyes moved along the lines of notes, lips parting as he read them. You felt your eyes bulge out of their sockets as Yoongi read along the lines, he has always been a mentor for your music so you looked up to him.

“Change this measure to 6/8 beats, and add a dotted half note where you erased,” Yoongi spoke, handing the sheet back to Guk who handed it back to you. You nodded, a smile coming across your face.

“Thanks Yoongi, I have been stuck on this measure for a few days now,” you smiled to yourself. Yoongi felt his cheeks warm at the compliment, mumbling a ‘no problem’ as Jimin began to tease him.

“Alright you hooligans, we are here.” Mia said turning the key out of the ignition. Quickly noting the change Yoongi said to make to your music, you shuffled the papers into the leather bound folder and shoved it into your backpack. Everyone quickly got out of the car and unloaded everything. Taking in a deep breath, you let the sun warm your skin as you carried the picnic basket. Walking alongside Mia, you two looked for a spot as the 6 men behind you argued over the pool noodles. The sand was warm underneath your feet, as you removed your sandals.

“Let’s set up here,” Mia said, spreading out a blanket. Nodding, you set the picnic basket down and your backpack to help Jimin set up the shader. After a few minutes of getting situated, you flopped onto the chair, stretching your body out. You watched as some of the boys threw a football around, or others were dunking each other in the ocean. The beach wasn’t too busy today, but you could still make out the laughs of children and teens around. Playing with the sleeves of your oversized shirt, well Namjoons shirt, you watched as Jimin rubbed sunblock on Mia. Pulling your glasses over your head, you contemplated whether you should or not.

“Hey princess did you want some sunblock on?” Namjoon said running up to you, water running in rivulets down his toned chest. You grimaced, poking him in the stomach.

“Ew, no you are all wet,” you teased. Namjoon shook his wet hair back and forth, like a dog onto your body. Shrieking, you kicked sand at him causing him to laugh and run away. Grinning, you relaxed into the chair once more. Mia laid a few feet away from you on a towel, kicking her legs back and forth as she laid on her stomach.

“___, come lay with me!” Mia said, gesturing you over. You looked up from your backpack, that you were currently digging through looking for your book.

“Mia, that would involve me taking my shirt off and exposing my baby fat,” you joked. The truth was, you left your one pieces at your parents house and still have yet to retrieve them. So of course you dug up the white, triangle top bikini that was in the depths of your dresser. Mia gave you stink eye, getting up from her towel and ducking under the shade.

“Please,” she asked, poking you. Sighing, you decided to just do it because she wouldn’t leave you alone otherwise.

“Fine,” you grumbled under your breath. Mia clapped, as you began to lift the shirt over your head. Just as you were about to pull the shirt completely over your head, you heard Jungkook shouting.

“Jin!” Jungkook yelled, football in hand. You stopped, as the shirt was above your neck and looked toward where Jungkook was looking. You have got to be kidding me, you thought. There was Kim Seokjin, running across the sand like he is in Baywatch or some shit. But dear god, did it look like it. His black hair was curled around his strong face, plush lips pulled into a smile as he ran up to Jungkook. You swear you choked on air when you saw he was shirtless, tanned chest on display. Now, he wasn’t ripped like Jungkook, but soft indents of muscle were present. Deep muscles ran upwards by his hips, peeking out from under his swim trunks. You mouth watered as you saw his wide shoulders stretch forward to give a hug to Jungkook, the muscles clenching along his back.

You still haven’t completely pulled your shirt off, but thank god for Mia, right? She didn’t even witness you thirsting as she yanked the shirt over your head, causing your sunglasses to fall on your lap. Shrieking, you crossed your arms over your supple hips, trying to conceal the skin. Mia’s eyes widened as she took in your slightly tanned skin. You definitely weren’t fit, fit flat model like but you thought you were decent. Although your chest was smaller than most girls, you’d say your backside made up for it.

“Damn, if I wasn’t dating Jimin,” Mia teased, poking at your thigh. You felt your cheeks heat up, and not from the heat. Huffing, you allowed her to pull you up from your seat to go under the sun.

“Mia, I really don’t think this is a good idea,” you mumbled, as she dragged you out from under the shade. Ignoring you she looked back at you, flipping her shades on top of her head.

“What are you talking-” her sentence was cut short when, you saw Jungkook toss the football to Hoseok who wasn’t paying attention. Your eyes widened as Jungkook yelled a quick ‘look out!’ as the ball flew towards you and Mia. Shoving Mia out of the way, the ball missed her but bounced off the side of your head with such force it made you fall onto the sand. Groaning, as you laid on your back you squinted into the sun. Guess you will have to kill Jungkook as well, you thought.

“___! Are you okay?” Mia asked, her face came into view, blocking the sun. You rubbed the side of your head, flinching a bit at the tender spot. Mia helped you sit up on your elbows as she rubbed your arm.

“That shit hurted,” you whined. A few moments later the boys were all running up to you.

“___, I am so, so sorry!” Jungkook said dropping to his knees in the sand, and looking at you. You rolled your eyes, patting the boys head.

“Jesus Guk, why do you have to be so strong,” you joked as you sat up all the way. Jungkook, looked up at you for the first time, not noticing your.. Attire.

“I, uh,” Jungkook’s words came out garbled as his eyes, not to subtly, raked your form. Sand stuck onto your tanned and sweaty skin, making you shift uncomfortably.

“Jungkook, her eyes aren’t on her chest.” Mia snorted next to you. Slapping her in the arm, Jungkook blushed, rising from the sand and offering a hand up. Wobbling slightly, you stood up eyeing the boys who either looked at you with concern, or at your ass.

“Can you guys like not look at her like that, or at least not make it obvious,” Namjoon snapped, slapping Hoseok on the back of the head. A chorus of ‘what’ and ‘her ass is nice’ came from the group. Blushing, you turned away from them and began to walk back to the shade.

“Are you alright, kitten?” a low voice spoke behind you. Whipping around, you saw Jin saunter up behind you, a frown on his face. You felt yourself cross your arms over yourself. Nodding a bit, you smiled at him.

“Yeah! I am good, just a little dizzy. I’m just gonna take some aspirin and lay down in the sun!” Seokjin walked closer to you, looking up at him, he took your jaw gently in his grasp. His hand was slightly cool, warming your heated face. Tilting your head to the side, he examined your injury.

“Hmm, you should be fine darling. It probably will be sore.” Jin mused, releasing your jaw. You snorted.

“What are you? A doctor?” you spoke, dropping your hands from your body and placing a hand on your hip. Jins eyes raked down your form once more, jaw clenching slightly as he eyed your muscular thighs and soft stomach. His tongue dampened his lips as he shook his head.

“No, but I am a lifeguard.” he winked, walking back to his post. Your jaw dropped slightly, as he sauntered away. Sighing, you walked back to the shade and flopped on the chair. Slipping your sunglasses back on your face, you closed your eyes praying your headache would go away and the certain thoughts of a man who made your swimsuit bottoms wet.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Is she awake?”

“No, dumbass she sees with her eyes closed.”

You don’t register that Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok are looking at your sleeping body splayed out on the chair.

“Do you think Namjoon will kill me if I grab her ass?”

“Uh, not if she doesn’t kill you first. Seriously why are her tits small but her ass isn’t? That’s not how math works!”

Hoseok smacks the back of Jungkook’s head.

“Okay pick her up slowly,” Jungkook nods leaning down and hooking his arms under your legs and back, slowly lifting you out of the chair. Your body shifts for a moment, stomach contracting before you still. The three boys let out a breath, as Taehyung removes your sunglasses and places them on the chair.

“Oh my gosh her stomach looks so soft let me kiss it.” Taehyung comments, cooing at the supple skin.

“No you idiot! You know damn well Jin will have your dick served to the wolves.” Taehyung grimaces at Jungkook’s comment as they walk towards the ocean. Mia and Jimin are nowhere to be found, and Namjoon was in the restroom. Yoongi just didn’t care. The plan was to throw you, you wake up and then they run away before you kill them. Jungkook walks into the water, the waves almost knocking his form over.  

“Do you think this is a good idea? The waves are kind of rough today.” Hoseok comments, as he steadies the floatation toy. Jungkook waves him off, and carefully places your body on the toy.

“Nah, she’ll be fine, I’m sure she will wake up before soon,” Jungkook comments pushing the toy out into the water.

“She’s gonna kill us, you know that.” Taehyung comments watching your body float away.

“I know!” Jungkook says, clapping his hands together and turning back to walk out of the water. You don’t float too fat out, but far out enough that your feet can no longer touch the floor of the ocean. You stir on the floatie when you begin to feel abnormally warm and you feel like you're sinking? Rubbing your eyes, you blink a few times before you feel water seep into your swim bottoms.

Sitting up abruptly, the only things you register are the fact that you are in the middle of the ocean, the floatie you are on is deflating, and a giant wave is about to knock you out. Oh, and the cherry on top?

You never learned how to swim.

Thanks mom and dad.

You don’t even have time to scream when the wave engulfs your form and you are being swallowed roughly by the salty water. You grab onto nothing as you are thrown around, water filling your lungs and nose. Violently you are jerked up by another wave that pushes you closer to shore. You begin to feel yourself choking, trying to will your legs to move somehow to keep you upright and out of the water.

“Where’s___?” Namjoon asks, returning from the other side of the beach where he was looking for crabs. He found a pretty purple one with a blue spot on its back, he named it Johnson.

Jungkook bites into a peach, kicking the soccer ball with Mia and Jimin.

“In the ocean.” He said through a mouthful of the fruit. Namjoon stills for a minute, registering what Jungkook said.

“What do you mean, in the ocean.” Namjoon asks, voice alarmingly calm.

“We pushed her in, on the floatie like 10 minutes ago?” Jungkook responds. Before he can register what’s happening, Namjoon is throwing him on the sand and screaming in his face.

“You fucking idiot! Jungkook! ____ can’t swim!” Namjoon screams. A look of guilt seeps across Jungkook’s face as he looks over at Taehyung and Hoseok.

“Fuck,” Namjoon curses getting off Jungkook, and running towards the water.

“You idiots!” Mia says, running towards the water as well. Namjoon desperately pulls at his hair, looking for you in the water, wading out far enough to where it drops off.

“Shit, shit,” Namjoon curses, eyes welling up with frustrated tears. Looking left and right down the beach, he can’t seem to find you.

“Namjoon!” He hears Mia call from the sand. He whips around to see Seokjin, cradling your body in his hold. He holds his breath still as he approaches the shore.

Seokjin lays you on the sand as cough, lungs and eyes burning from the water. Your blink a few times, holding your chest as you lean over in the sand. Seokjin rubs your back as you eventually calm down, swallowing a few times.

“Shit,___ are you okay?” Namjoon practically skids through the sand next to your body. He moves his hand to push your wet hair from your face, as you rub sand from your eyes. “Jin you're a damn lifeguard, do something!” Namjoon yells, throwing his hands in the air. Your lungs continue to burn as you cough, barely being able to speak. Before you know it, large hands grip your waist and flip you on your back. Blinking a few times, Jins face comes into view and before you can protest he is placing his plush lips on yours.

Jin doesn’t even blow into your mouth, just presses his mouth gently on yours and puckers his lips. After a few moments you reciprocate, letting the warmth of his mouth envelope you. You feel Jins tongue begin to prod at the seams of your lips gently, teasing the skin. You are about to give him access, when he pulls away, a string of saliva follows him as he sits back up.

Gasping, for dramatic effect, you sit up. Coughing a few times, you make a grab for the water bottle Mia hands you. Chugging the water down, until the plastic deflated in your hands.

“Woah, Jin buddy, thank you for saving my life,” you said, an over dramatic tone in your words. Seokjin’s cheeks were a light shade of red, as he wiped the saliva from his face and gave you a nod.

“I uh, sure no problem darling. I would do it for anybody.” He said winking at you. But the reality was, if it was anyone else he would make the other lifeguards take care of it. The reality was, you are the only person Jin has ever done mouth to mouth with in his two years of being a lifeguard.

Jin is in his own world as he watches Mia and Jimin walk you back to where your stuff, your hips sway slightly, the smooth tan skin littered with grains of sand. He feels his swim trunks begin to harden, as Mia swipes the sand off your body. Your thighs and ass moving as she goes down your body. Jin would like nothing more than to sink his dick into-

“Seokjin I owe you one, bro. Come back tonight for dinner? I am staying with ___ this week, you can spend the night since you don’t have to work tomorrow.” Namjoon brings Jin out of his perverted thoughts, as he pats him on the shoulder. Seokjin blinks a few times, looking at his friend who stands above him in the sand.

“Yeah sure, sounds like fun dude.” Seokjin smiles at him, accepting Namjoons outstretched hand to help him up. Namjoon gives him a dimpled smile as he walks back to their friends. Seokjin can’t help but glance over at you, who is looking down at the three culprits currently on their knees begging for forgiveness. Seokjin finds himself grinning a bit as you look down at them, lips pulled into a frown and hands on hips. He doesn’t miss you glancing at him for a brief moment, and he thinks he saw you pull a small smile.

You did.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You ignore Hobi, Jungkook and Tae the whole way home. They whine and poke at your cheek, even as you exit the car to go up to your condo, the three bouncing men pull at your hair and pinch you. You already yelled at them, calling them a bunch of colorful words they didn’t understand.

“We said we are sorry! What is it gonna take for you to not be mad!” Jungkook whined as your group entered the elevator. You pretended to ignore him as you busied yourself with your phone, pretending to text. Namjoon snorted loudly behind you, ruffling your hair.

“Buy her coffee for a month and that new Nintendo game she’s been wanting,” Namjoon said, eyeing you. You raised your eyebrows above your head, insinuating that he was right.

“Fine! Fine, I’ll do it,” Hoseok groaned, “But you two have to help as well,” he said, flicking the two younger boys in the ear. You hummed, a smile on your face as a quiet ding sounded through the elevator, insinuating you made it to your floor.

“Oh,___ I invited Seokjin over for dinner.” Namjoon said, a smirk on his face as he walked past your frozen figure. You fingers stilled on your screen as Namjoon swung his keys on his lanyard, whistling to himself as him and everyone exited the elevator. You didn’t even register the elevators closing and taking you back down to the first floor.

“Shit,” you groaned, pressing your floor button again as you went down to the first level. As the doors were about to close a voice halted you.

“Wait! Please hold the door!” Quickly springing forward and shoving your hand in between the stainless steel doors, causing them to stop and reopen. Of course it has to be Kim fucking Seokjin.

A smirk falls onto his face, as you shove yourself in the corner of the elevator.

“Hello Kitten,” Jin drawls, leaning on the rail opposite of you.

“Hello Jinnie,” you mock him, knowing he hates the nickname. He rolls his eyes at you, the smirk turning into a soft grin. The elevator stops, you look at what floor you are on, 3 it reads.

The door slides open and a few people pile in, causing Jin to move over to where you are standing. He keeps his front to you, bracing the rail and caging your body against the wall. A few business people enter and a pregnant woman. The doors close again, you hold a breath as you feel Jin breath against your head. The faint smell of sea salt and mint makes its way to your nose, as Jin’s chest rises and falls as you try and look anywhere but his face.

The elevator stops once more, this time a delivery man with a cart and packages enter. The people around you shuffle to make room, causing Jin to let go of the bar and grip your waist instead. Your eyes widen as your arms are stuck between your chest and his. Looking up at him, he raises a teasing brow as his hands skim across your bare waist. You regret not putting your coverup, feeling his warm hands against you is torture. Finally, you make it to your floor. Jin steps away from you, as he pushes past the people in the cramped space mumbling an excuse me. You let out a sigh of relief as you two make way to your condo, digging through your bag to find the keys. Standing in front of the oak door, you fumble with the lock with warm cheeks. You couldn’t forget how Jin’s hands felt on your bare skin. Before Jin could say a word, the lock clicked and you practically threw yourself in.

“Kim Namjoon!” you screamed, tossing your stuff on the table in the foyer. Jin chuckled, shutting the door behind him as you stomped down the hallway. Pounding on the bathroom door, you waited a few seconds until a very wet Namjoon opened the door.

You didn’t even bat an eyelash at his bare chest, and bright pink towel wrapped around his waist. Lean chest exposed, as rivulets of water ran down his chest. Dark hair flat against his head, as he leaned against the door way, phone in hand.

“One sec,” he spoke into the device. “Yes sweetheart?” He asked, throwing a dimpled smirk at your fuming stature. You slapped him across the chest, and walked away to your room. “Ow! What was that for?” Namjoon cried, rubbing the sore skin. Walking into your room and closing the door, you began to pull at your damp swimsuit. Right as you dropped your bikini bottoms, you heard Seokjin yelling something and before you could register what was happening, your door was being thrown open.

“...room am I staying-,” Seokjin's words went quiet as he stood in the door frame. “In,” he finished. Plush lips parted slightly, you swear you saw his cheeks turned a shade darker. You felt your cheeks heat up by a hundred degrees, as you covered your modesty; well attempted to. Before you could scream and throw whatever was in the vicinity at his stupid, attractive face, he mumbled an apology and gently closed the door. Quickly walking to the door, you locked it and lightly banged your head against the wood.

“Stupid, stupid! First you can barely rock climb,” you mumble to yourself, walking over to your vanity and pulling on underwear, the deep red silk ones that your shitty ex got you. “You almost drown, and Seokjin has to give you mouth to mouth, when in reality, he kissed you!” You continue to chastise yourself as you pull on a hoodie and some cotton shorts. “He saw you naked!” You groaned, slamming your sock drawer closed and pulling on your favorite baby pink socks, with little sheep on them. Huffing, you flopped onto your bed and buried your face in the sheets. Not even a minute later, there was a knock at your door.

“Sweetheart, I’m ordering take out! Do you want your usual?” Namjoons low voice spoke through the door. You groaned into the pillow, bringing your face up for a moment.

“I’m not hungry Joon, can you please leave my bag outside my door? It’s on the table by the foyer,” you said. You heard him sigh.

“I am still ordering you food, ___. But, yeah I will grab it. Is everything okay?” Namjoon asks. Taking a deep breath, your eyes follow the motion of your ceiling fan.

“Yeah Joon, just tired. You and Jin can play video games or something,” you said. You didn’t hear another response as Namjoon walked away from your door.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You haven't left your room since the evening, and it was now dark outside. The lights of skyscrapers left a soft glow in your room. Leaning against the long windows, you looked at the moon. The waning crescent winked at you, as you looked through your music sheets. You chewed on the rubber end of your pencil as you edited the piece you’ve been working on for weeks. Sighing, you rubbed your eyes under your glasses, pacing back and forth around your room. You figured that Namjoon and Seokjin were long asleep, due to the lack of screams over Minecraft have now ceased. Walking over to your bed, sheets of music littered the comforter as you shuffled through the papers. In the few hours of locking yourself in your room you ate the food Namjoon left outside of your door, counted to one hundred twenty-six, waxed your legs, and cried about how much of a fool you are in front of Seokjin. You couldn’t even face him, let alone have a coherent conversation with him. He was just so, him. And you were just so, you.

Frustrated with your own self-deprecating thoughts,  you dropped the stack of music sheets on the bed. The papers slapped gently onto the comforter, as you walked around the bed and picked up your empty take out. Yawning, you pulled your glasses off and set them on the nightstand before proceeding to walk to the kitchen. The condo was dark, besides the glow from the city lights below you. Walking quietly out into the kitchen, you threw your trash out.

“What are you doing awake?” a low voice asked behind you. Whipping around, you placed your hand on your chest.

“God, don’t scare me like that.” you spoke to Seokjin. Squinting in the dark you made out his form, a very shirtless one at that. He didn’t say anything as you leaned against the marble counter.

“Okay goodnight,” you said, quickly rushing to leave the kitchen. Before you could make it past the living room, he caught your wrist in his grasp. Stopping, you turned to look at him.

Seokjin's’ eyes flitted towards the piano in the corner of the room.

“You play?” he asked, genuine curiosity lacing his voice. You nodded wordlessly.

“A little bit,” you shyly spoke. Seokjin released your wrist, and walked over to the piano. You watched as the moon illuminated his strong chest and shoulders. His black sweatpants hung low on his hips, exposing the band of his Armani boxers. Seokjins’ fingers grazed the glossy keys, tapping one of them gently. The soft sounds resonated through the quiet room.

He looked at you, who stood in the same position.

“Play something for me?” He asked, nodding his head towards you. Flitting your eyes between him and the Piano, you nodded, hesitantly, and walked over to the piano. Seokjin pulled out the bench for you, as you sat down on the padded cushion. You felt goosebumps form on your legs, as you stretched your feet out to put pressure on the pedals. Taking a deep breath, you placed your hands on the keys. Tapping one softly a few times, you began to play a song you memorized from one of your favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice. The song was called ‘Liz on top of the World.’ Your fingers gently tapped the keys, as you left your fingertips glide across the smooth keys. You let yourself get absorbed, playing the song and letting out all your frustrations of the week. Playing the piano was the only time you felt confident in yourself, something you could actually do without making a fool of yourself. You hit the keys a bit harder than usual, not caring if you woke up Namjoon or the whole damn complex. So invested playing, you didn’t realize that Seokjin was staring at you, a dark look in his eyes as he watched you play with such emotion, such fire in your eyes.

You didn’t even hit the final note of the song, because Seokjin was closing the cover of the piano keys and grasping you by the chin, and kissing you. You gasped into his mouth, as he kneeled onto the bench, placing his knee between your thighs. Seokjin sighed into your mouth, putting pressure onto your chin. Your mind was in a haze as Seokjin's hand grazed down your chin and neck, leading it down between the valley of your breasts. You groaned against him, as you felt the warmth of his hand squeeze your breast through the material of your shirt. Seokjin's tongue grazed against the seams of your lips, as he teased your pert nipple. Opening your mouth fully, you allowed his tongue to slide into your mouth, tangling with yours.

“Fuck,” Seokjin muttered against your mouth. Pulling back, Seokjin got up from the bench and clicked on the lamp next to the Piano. You felt yourself suck in a breath, as you raked your eyes down his tan chest. His plush lips were slick with your saliva, eyes holding a deep, carnal lust.

“Stand up.” Seokjin said. It was a demand, not a question. Slowly rising from the bench, you pushed it under the piano. Seokjin closed the distance between you two, as he locked your mouth into another heated kiss. Immediately, you brought your hands up to his hair, pulling at the nape of his neck. Seokjin’s hands grazed the back of your thighs, patting them, you hooked them around his waist. You groaned as you felt his erection begin to grow in his pants, tilting your head back, you rutted against him. Seokjin sponged kisses against your exposed neck, splotching bruises of purple and red on the skin.

“You drive me insane, kitten.” Seokjin groaned against your neck. You moaned as he continued to kiss your neck. Jin walked over to the couch, laying down under you and allowing you to straddle him. His hands never left your waist, as you leaned over him. “Do you know how hard it was today at the beach, to see you in that swimsuit? I wanted to bend you over and fuck your tight, little cunt , in front of all those boys, to show that you are mine.” You felt yourself whine as he began to move you back and forth on his clothed erection.

“You know I really like you, ___.” Jin confessed, groaning as you slowed down your pace. You looked down at him, his eyes were heavy, his plush bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

“R-really?” You asked, placing your hands on his chest. Jin nodded, allowing his hands to graze your bottom, before slapping it. Moaning, you grinded faster, allowing your needy pants to echo in the room. Jin’s hand began to move up your shirt, feeling the warm skin. You wasted no time allowing your hands to grasp the bottom of your shirt and pulling it over your head. Jin cursed as he saw your chest and pert nipples, now exposed to him. Bringing his hand up, he swiped his thumb over the bud. You held back a moan as he slowly rubbed the skin of your nipple, back and forth between his fingers.

“Fuck you are so sensitive,” Jin groaned, fondling your other breast. You found yourself beginning to move against him again, rubbing your clothed center against his. Jin continued his assault on your nipple. Bringing his head up, he puckered kisses along your breast before taking it into his mouth, licking across the skin. Groaning loudly, you fell against him and pulled his head closer to you. Jin’s hands trailed down your body to grab onto your bottom, rutting you against him harder. “C’mon, give it to me,” Jin growled against your skin, taking your nipple into his mouth. You felt gripped onto his hair, whining at the pressure being placed on your clit. Feeling the coil begin to form, it was quickly gone as you felt yourself collapse. Calling out Jin’s name in whiny pants as he suckles on your bud harder. The movement of your hips slow, as Jin hands rub up your hips to pull you up. Looking down at him, his lips are parted, harsh breaths escape the reddened skin. Jin pulls himself up from under you, flipping you on your back. Huffing as your body drops on the couch, you look up at him as a small smirk overtakes his face. A bead of sweat trails down the front of his chest, spots of perspiration dotting his smooth skin.

“Kitten,” Jins low voice drawls, “...didn’t your mommy and daddy,” he says slowly, dragging his lips down your neck, “..teach you that it’s not nice,” his lips trail further down to the ribbon of your cotton shorts, “...to stare?” He finishes pulling the ribbon loose of your shorts. Your breath stutters a bit, as he pulls at the band of your shorts, slowly peeling the clothing down your legs and creating a trail of goosebumps. You watched Jin toss the shorts behind him, now face to face with your white, lace panties. You could feel your arousal seeping out of you, holding a breath as Jin held your thighs apart. Bringing his face closer to your center, he licked a stripe up the lace of your underwear. Digging your hands into the pillow behind you, your hips jutted up as a moan wracked through you. Jin watched as you tilted your head back, exposing the splotches of purples and reds he left. Trailing his hands up your thighs, his fingers skimmed the band of your underwear, snapping the elastic against your thighs.

“Please, J-Jin,” you whined, moving your hips. Jin held your body down with his hands, looking up at you.

“Are you gonna be a good girl for me?” Jin asked, digging his fingers into your hips. You whined as he teased the skin of your thighs.

“Yes, Jin please.” You groaned, pulling the skin of your bottom lip between your teeth. It was silent for a moment, until Jin began to shuffle his body under yours, pulling you on top to straddle his waist. Confused, you looked down at his face as he guided your clothed center over his face. You felt your cheeks warm, as you looked down at him. “J-Jin this really isn’t a good-!” Your sentence was cut short when Jin moved your underwear to the side, and pulling you down onto his face.

You swear you screamed, back arching as your hips raised off Jin’s face. Jin held a firm grip on your hips as he took your clit in between his lips, and sucked. Rolling the bud between his lips, you fell forward, caging his head between your shaky arms. “Jin, p-please,” you whined, grinding harder against his face. Jin’s grip got tighter on your hips, as he moved you back and forth, slicking your sopping center on his face. Jin could feel his cock throbbing in the confinements of his pants.

You could hear the wet, slurping sounds of your center as Jin licked around your tight hole. Your arms were about to give out, and you could feel the tension begins to build around your stomach. Moving your hips against his face, you leaned up on your arms. “W-wanna feel you too,” you slurred, prying his hands off your hips and turning around. Jin licked your wetness from his lips, looking at your bottom he felt you begin to pull of the band of his sweats. Gripping your hips behind you, Jin groaned as he felt you palm him through his briefs.

“Kitten, what are you d-doing?” Jin asked, his voice turning into a groan. You felt yourself grin, as you looked down at the outline of his dick. You felt your eyes widen, as you palmed him, feeling the hot skin sear through the fabric. Licking his lips, Jin gripped your hips and pulled you toward his face again. Jin groaned, tasting the sweet slick of your center. Getting lost in the bliss for a moment, you began to sneak your hand under Jin’s briefs, finally coming to contact with his throbbing cock. Jin’s hips tighten against you, as you drag a finger up his length. You feel your mouth water as you fully pull out his cock. In the dim lighting you make out that he is well… endowed. The tip is a rosy pink, a sheen of cum already on the tip. A thick vein trails up the length, leading down to a neatly trimmed tuft of hair. 

You slide a finger down his shaft, licking your lips as it twitches. “You have such a pretty cock, Jinnie,” you tease, wiggling your hips harder against his face. “I wonder what it will look like, in my mouth…” you said, finally taking his cock into your mouth. You suckle on the tip lightly, before taking his length, well what you could, into your mouth. You felt Jin groan against your center, causing vibrations to shake your center. He mumbled something against your center, causing him to pull back for a moment.

“___, shit, k-keep doing that, choke on my fat cock like a good girl.” Jin said, slapping the skin of your bare bottom. Slurping on Jin’s dick, you jerked the area’s you couldn’t reach. Licking down the vein, you took his heavy ball sack in your fingers. Jin dug his large palms into your hips, slapping the skin lightly. Bobbing your head up and down, you swirl your tongue on his tip, tasting his release. Pulling yourself up from his cock, you jerked his cock in your hand.

“Mmm, taste so good, will you come for me Jinnie?” You teased, kissing his tip. Jin groaned, jutting his hips upwards. Bringing your mouth down again, you allowed him to thrust his hips into your mouth. Your spit slicked his cock, running down your mouth. Jin continued his ministrations against your center, the coil almost snapping. Jin stopped his thrusting, causing him to pull out of your mouth. Before you could bring your mouth back down, Jin pulled you off his dick a lewd wet pop echoing in the room. Confused, you placed your hands on his thighs, as he brought your center over his slick cock. You both groaned simultaneously when your sexes rubbed against one another, your wet cunt sucking in the length of his cock.You had to find the will in you to hold yourself up as Jin guided your pussy, back and forth on his bare cock. Your arms gave out, as you laid in between Jins’ legs, he took his cock in his hand and rubbed his bulbous tip on your clit. You choked against the blanket on the couch, as you felt him circle your aching bud. 

“Give it to me, I know you want to kitten,” Jin spoke lowly, slapping his hard cock against your bare center. You arched your back as you felt your cunt clench, before you felt the coil finally snap, as you released all over Jin’s cock. 

“F-fuck! Jin! Jin, Nggh,” your cries were muffled in the couch as Jin smeared your arousal all over his cock. 

“That’s right kitten, squirt all over my cock. Can’t wait to fill you up and shoot my hot cum in your tight hole.” Jin growled, digging his hands into your ass. You felt Jin’s sweats dampen under you, as he slowed his assault. With shaky hands, you began to pull of the drenched material of Jin’s sweatpants, pulling them below his knees. Jin’s hands grazed up your bare sides and turned you to face him. Placing your hands on his chest, he looked up at you. Pupils wide, and dark he brought his thumb up to your swollen lips, rubbing them in between his fingers. “Are you sure you want this, darling?” He asked, eyes softening at the smile on your face. 

You smiled, scratching your nails lightly on his chest. “Always the worried one Jinnie.” You teased, laughing when his hand lightly spanked your bottom. Your laughter died down as you look at his strong face in the soft glow of the lamp, you dragged your fingers through the damp pieces of his dark hair. “Yes, Seokjin, I want this. I want you, more than anything.” You spoke softly, watching the grin appear on his face. Jin kept a hand on your back, as he pushed you down to meet his lips. His plush lips swallowed you, as he fervently pecked kisses on your lips. Pulling his plump bottom lip between your teeth, you sucked on the skin, allowing your tongue to slip in his mouth. Jin’s hold tightened on your back, eventually sliding his hands down to your ass and giving the globes a harsh squeeze. Your tongue’s tangled, allowing one another to suck on the muscle inside each others mouths. You felt the heat emitting from Jin’s erection, that laid heavily on his taut stomach. You felt your arousal begin to leak from your center, as you moved your hips once more. Pulling back from Jin, you looked down at his wet lips, breathing heavily.

“Can I, please?” you asked, shifting your hips against him. Jin groaned, tilting his head back on the couch cushion. Gripping your hips tighter he looked at you. 

“Fuck, yes- shit- please kitten, be a good girl and sit on daddy’s cock?” he asked. You nodded, finding his length and grabbing it between your fingers. Rubbing the tip and slicking it with his precum, you teased him against your wet heat, both of your groaned simultaneously as you finally slid down on his cock. 

“Oh my, god-!” you couldn’t even get a sentence out as you sank slowly onto his thick girth. You had to place your hands on his chest to steady yourself. Not even halfway down, you had to stop, sweat began to slick your body as you threw your head back. “Dammit Jin, why do you have to have a fat cock-!” Your words were thrown out the window as Jin fully seated you down on his cock, earning a groan from both of you. 

“Why do you have to have such a tight cunt, kitten?” Jin teased, cursing when you clenched around him. Whining, you placed your head in the crook of his neck, breathing heavily and trying to get accustomed to his length. Jin ran his hand up and down your back, fighting the urge to fuck you sideways. After a few moments, you slowly began to move your hips up and down. 

“Ah, fuck.” You mumbled, feeling your arousal seep down his cock. You didn’t waste any time, moving your hips rapidly, slicking your wetness down his length. Skin slapped against skin loudly, as you moved your hips around him. You felt his tip prodding at your cervix as you went all the way down. 

“J-Jin, I feel so full,” you whined, throwing your head back in ecstasy. Jin looked up at you, pure, unadulterated lust seeping into his pupils. You kept having to slow your hips, due to the fact Jin’s cock kept slipping out of your wet hole. 

“Slow down kitten, my cock can’t fill your tight hole if it keeps slipping out. God you are so wet, your cunt is dripping all over me,” Jin hissed, digging his blunt nails in your hips. You nodded, not processing his words as you clenched around him endlessly. You felt your thighs begin to burn, eyes welling with tears from the pleasure.

“J-Jinnie,” you whined, slowing down a bit. Jin hushed you, pressing a kiss to your chest. Still inside of you, Jin laid you down on your back, deciding to take over. Caging his arms over your head, he slowly thrusted into you, allowing his cock to hit your cervix. You closed your eyes, raking your nails down Jin’s strong back. 

“Gonna cum for me? Gonna let me fill up your tight hole with my seed, and let it spill out of your tight hole,” Jin spoke against your neck, rutting against you. You whined, digging your nails into his back as he thrusted harder. 

“Faster Jin, please, fuck me.” You whispered into his ear. Jin growled into your skin, thrusting into your heat faster, harder. You gasped as the couch began to shake slightly. Half of your body hung off the couch, the only leverage was you holding onto Jin’s back. You were honestly surprised Namjoon hasn’t woken up. Jin huffed, thrusting so hard into you, your bodies tumbled off the couch. A shriek fell past your lips, as Jin flipped your bodies so he would catch most of the fall. Jin grunted as his body met the fluffy rug below him, your weight on top of him. A moan fell past your lips as you felt Jin’s cock still seated inside of you as you came down on him hard rutting against him. You didn’t waste anytime, lifting your hips and slamming down on him. Cursing under his breath, Jin gripped the corner of the couch pulling him up with you in his hold. You whined as he walked towards the piano, causing you to stop bouncing on him. 

Gasping as your back met the cold piano, you looked at Jin who held a smirk on his face. 

“Seriously?” you laughed, raising an eyebrow at him. Jin giggled, placing his hands next to your head on the piano. “This shit didn’t come cheap Seokjin,” you whined, gesturing to the instrument. Jin kissed your nose, adjusting his cock inside you.

“I know, so that’s why you need to hurry up and come so that it doesn't break,” Jin spoke, his tone turning dark again. You nodded, groaning when Jin took your nipple into his mouth and thrusting into you. Good thing Jin was tall, or his dick wouldn’t be nowhere near as seated inside you as it is right now. You felt a shudder wrack through your body as Jin swirled his tongue around your bud, and thrusted into you fast and hard.

“Jin,” you choked. 

“I know baby, come on, I’m close too,” Jin spoke, taking his mouth off your pert bud. You nodded, wanting a release so bad. You clenched around Jin endlessly. You felt his cock begin to throb, as he thrusted into you. Your tits bounced rapidly, as Jin thrusted harder and harder into your wet hole, making the knot in your belly swell as you felt the rope begin to snap.

“Oh fuck! Jin!” You screamed, throwing your head back against the cold piano. Jin thrusted harder and harder, as you felt yourself come undone around him. Shortly after, you felt Jin release inside you, his warm seed spurting inside you. You clenched around him, wanting every drop inside you. Jin thrusted inside you a bit more, shaking the piano slightly. You whined, and clenched around him due to the sensitivity. “Ah, Jin give me a second.” You whined, gripping his forearms. Jin gripped your arms, pulling you up, dick still seated inside you. Breathing heavily you looked at Jin with a pout on your lips. He laughed, pecking your mouth a few times. 

“One more baby, please?” Jin asked, sponging kisses on your neck. You nodded, tilting your head back as you enjoyed his plush lips kissing the sweaty skin of your neck. You felt goosebumps trail onto your body, as Jin scooted you body off the Piano and hooking your legs around him. You felt his cock begin to harden again inside you, making you raise an eyebrow at him, a grin spreading over your face. 

“You horny bitch,” you teased, reaching down to pinch his bare ass. Jin yelped, gripping your ass tightly and slapping the bare skin. He walked over to the tall windows that surrounded your apartment, you could feel his seed begin to get cold and drip down your thighs as Jin pushed your body against the cold glass. A huff left your lips as Jin, a bit roughly, held your body up against the glass. You made out the smirk on his face, as he gripped your thighs and leaned his face close to you. You breathed in heavily, as he began to jutt his hips into yours. You held your lip between your teeth, as your sweaty body moved up and down the glass. Jin breathed heavily, placing both his hands on the glass next to your head as he began to thrust harder, but still painstakingly slow. Jin’s chest rubbed against yours, spreading perspiration across your nipples. 

“Jin- ahh- please, faster,” you begged, trying to push his body into yours. Jin grunted, moving his hands from beside your head and pulling your thighs from his waist. Confused, Jin pulled out, making you cry from the loss of his throbbing cock inside you. 

“Turn around,” Jin spoke, looking down at you. Tilting your head to the side, you did as he said and turned your body to face the window. You looked down at the lights from skyscrapers and billboards, illuminating the already dimly lit room. Jin looked at, you gripping your hips and pressing your body into the glass. Gasping when the cold window made your nipples perk up, you breathed out heavily, watching the glass fog up. Jin ran his hands down the length of your exposed body. You tilted your head back on his chest, as he lazily ran his hand down your tits, pinching your nipples. 

“You are absolutely exquisite, darling.” Jin murmured, pressing a kiss on your damp hairline. Jin’s hand began to trail lower, eventually coming in contact with your slick heat. Lazily teasing his finger on your clit, he dipped his finger into your wet hole. “Oh fuck, your soaked kitten. I bet I could fit my whole hand inside there.” Jin groaned. You choked back a moan as Jin began to rub his erection on your back. 

“Please Jin, stop teasing me. Want your cock,” you mumbled, clenching around his finger. Jin hummed, pulling his finger from your hole. Jerking his cock a few times, he then guided it to your wet cunt, thrusting it in quickly. You groaned as your body was pushed against the glass once more, breath visible as Jin thrusted into you fast and hard. Jin stuttered out a curse, as your wet heat enveloped his cock. Slapping skin echoed in the large room, heavy pants from you and Jin against one another's skin. 

“So, fucking, pretty. Your cunt was made for me, practically- fuck- sucking me in.” Jin grunted against your neck. A moan made its way from your mouth, as your breasts pressed against the glass. You couldn’t form coherent words, as Jin kept thrusting over and over into you. You whined when his tip prodded your cervix, making you feel full. It wasn’t long before you felt your center begin to tingle, and you jutted back against Jin; meeting his thrusts. 

“Yes, yes, yes, Jin, fuck me!” You screamed, moaning when Jin went faster. 

“Ah fuck, Kitten, come, come for me,” Jin said, bringing his finger to rub your clit. Not even a few seconds after, you felt yourself releasing on Jin’s cock. “F-fuck, look at that Kitten. Squirting again all over my cock, such a good girl.” Jin moaned, slapping your ass gently as you rode out your high. You were sobbing at this point, as Jin rubbed your clit. You could feel your arousal dripping from your thighs, wetting your sweaty skin even more. 

“Jinnie, w-wanna feel you come,” you slurred, finding his heavy sack between your bodies. Jin grunted as you pinched the skin, fondling his sack. 

“Fuck,” Jin groaned, as you clenched around him. You moaned as Jin released inside you once more. 

“Yes, Jin fuck.” You whined, squeezing around his cock to release more of his seed. Jin slowed his thrusts a bit more, until his dick softened and he pulled out from your abused hole. Jin groaned when he saw your mixed arousals drip down your thighs. You leaned your tired body against the glass, the cool material aiding your sweaty body. You felt your legs about to give out, until Jin leaned down, hooking his arms under your body.

“You did so well baby, I’m so proud of you,” Jin murmured, pressing kisses to your scalp. You nodded, a smile seeping onto your face as your eyes started to droop. Jin laughed at your fucked out state, walking into your room and placing you on the bed. You allowed your body to melt into the sheets, as Jin turned on the bedside lamp. Your eyes were dropping in and out of sleep, as Jin went to the bathroom to get a rag. You heard the water run, and footsteps pad back into the room. Taking the damp rag, Jin wiped your release from your thighs and bottom. Once he was done he tossed the towel into your hamper, and walked back over to you. Through bleary eyes, you smiled at him as he ran his hand through his messy hair. Jin smiled at you, pearly whites still visible even in the dim lighting. Leaning down, he sponged kisses all along your face, making you giggle. Taking your face in his hands, he rubbed his thumbs along your cheeks. 

“Get some sleep, baby.” Jin gently spoke, tapping your nose. You nodded, pulling him down with you. 

“Not without you though, right?” You asked, gripping onto his arm. A smile crossed Jin’s features as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheeks. 

“Right.” Jin whispered, kissing you on the mouth.

-

-

Bonus +

Namjoon rubbed his hand over his face, hearing Jin’s low grunts and your breathy moans. He looked up at the ceiling, staring at his unmoving ceiling fan. Leaning over to grab his phone from the bedside table, he opened the messaging app, and going into a group chat between Him and his friends. 

Squinting at the bright screen, he typed out a message.

1:46am [namjoon]: you guys all owe me and yoongi 20 bucks lol. 

Namjoon pressed the voice recording button, making the speaker face his door. After 30 seconds, he ended it and pressed send. 

1:50am [mia]: dammit! now i have to suck jimin’s dick >:(

1:51am [jimin]: hey! I'm right next to you, first of all and second of all you act like its a bad thing you nerd

1:51am [guk]: damn does that mean i can’t look at y/n’s ass anymore :( also don’t get a boner from listening joon l o l

1:51am [namjoon]: fuck you lol

1:52am [yoongs]: go to bed fuckers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

A big thank you to @cherrynochu and @seokstrivia ;-; they really helped me get through this haha, i love you guys! I hope you enjoy also fyi I start my classes soon, soo i will try and get up my hoseok or tae fic soon, if not i will try during my schedule, i have half the classes i had last year so i should have more time hopefully and if not, im sorry, i have sports and stuff as well oof, but if i like go MIA my mutuals can ask for my discord or kkt, hehe i will keep you all updated. xX

[kittycataes]

Tier Ranking “Friends” Characters (Part 1/3)

This is going to be an extremely long post haha

Let’s start at the bottom- 

“Whomst”: is characters that I couldn’t really recognize right away. Like maybe I remember that character’s story arc, but that doesn’t mean I feel any certain way about them. FORGETTABLE. WHOMST? NEXT!

“i hate you”: these are characters I have such negative feels for, they deserve something worse than an F.  -  Starting off with Dr. Geller himself. There’s so much misogyny in this man... if it weren’t for David Schwimmer’s excellent facial expressions and hilarious slapstick comedy, I would’ve made a separate row for him to be exiled forever. However David Schwimmer is a great actor and we stan his acting choices. -  Next is Dr. Greene, Rachel’s dad. I hate men who force their power over others through loud, aggressive, intimidation that reeks with the threat of violence. And this mother fucker does all those things on top of openly ridiculing his daughter.  -  Barry the orthodonist. He’s a snake for cheating on Rachel with Mindy. And he’s a snake squared for then cheating on Mindy with Rachel.  -  Cop character... Whose name I forget. ACAB, you creep. Stop using your access of information as a tool for strong-arming women into dating you. -  Rachel’s sister. She’s just stupid and vain and annoying, and extremely disrespectful.  - That Angry Guy. *See Dr. Greene notes* - Kip. This guy is creepy too... He like stalks Joey and is just overall very weird. - Ben. I love the Sprouse twins. But I did not care for Ben becoming a character on the show.  - Alec Baldwin/Positive Guy. I hate him becuase I think he was a stupid character but I don’t hate him as much as I hate the angry characters for sure, he’s just a dude high on life. - Chandler’s boss. I don’t like that he slaps his employees on the butt. I don’t care if they like it. It’s weird. I wish we could all just hi-five or hug normally 😂

“i wish we saw more of u”: these are characters I thought were really interesting and maybe they were in a few episodes, but they didn’t really get their own story arc with the gang. And while I do like them, there’s nothing spectacular about them.  -  Hot but messy bug Lady. I loved this character and I wish she had an arc with Ross about teaching him how to compromise more and grow together a bit. She was so pretty and funny, I wish they let her stick around. - Rachel’s mom. I loved this lady. I love that she divorced Rachel’s awful dad, and she seems like a fun-loving gal! I wish the best for her. And I wish we got a few more episodes of her, so we could see her living her best single life.

“LIFE CHANGING”: these characters are recurring/one-off characters who really buttered my breadroll. I feel like each of these characters helped shape me in someway, even if it’s just a little! -  Joanna, Rachel’s boss at Bloomingdales. This is the only character from my childhood/adolescence that I remeber being a Boss Lady who was independent, but still flawed and silly and goofy and sexy. This was my first view of what kinky sex could look like and it intrigued me and aroused me terribly. To this day I love office and bondage scenes! -  Susan, Carol’s Lesbian lover and hot-wife extradornaire. When I was younger and still believed Ross was a redeemable character (read: my critical thinking skills hadn’t start yet developing) I didn’t like Susan and her condescending tone. Now, I love her for making fun of Ross in a way that still manages to be respectful to her son’s Father, but points out his obvious prejudice. You could say she puts Ross in his place, and is kind of a ball-buster. I love that attitude and I find her extremely attractive <3  - Kathy, Joey and Chandler’s ex-girlfriend. From the moment I laid eyes on Paget Brewster, I knew I wasn’t 100% straight. I deeply deeply sympathized with Chandler falling in love with her, and the scene where she cuts his hair is so iconic- the actors’ chemistry is palpable!  - Julie, Ross’s ex-girlfriend. I love Julie first and foremost for existing. A pretty, smart, and likeable Asian American girl. I felt she had such strong big-sister energy when I was little, and I liked that even though Rachel didn’t like her (and she kinda knew) it didn’t shake her confidence. She had that difficult convo with such grace and maturity, it ws refreshing to see after so many episodes of immature Ross/Rachel shenanigans. - Janine, Joey’s ex-roommate. Janine was cool and nice, and she was so effortlessly glamorous. I liked that she was a kind character, who never judged Joey or belittled him. And through Joey I felt I was able to have an outlet for my growing realization that I wasn’t straight. - Chandler’s dad, the drag queen. This was one of my first exposures to drag, and I loved how composed/poised Chandler’s dad was even when it was clear his son and ex-wife disproved of her life choices. Also Chandler’s dad was played by a woman and therefore I headcanon her to be trans :3c -  Dr. Richard Burke. Tom Selleck is arguably one of, if not, the most beautiful man in the world. That plus his character was so sweet and silly and loving, and he treated Monica right and respected her relationship with Chandler. And I just loved their story arc, especially when they try to get back together the second time. I LIVE for the YEARNING in that arc. Great performances from Selleck and Cox ❤️ - Paul Stevens, the love machine. God. This character/arc is so stupid haha. I feel like you can tell Friends as a show has been going off the rails and at this point, it’s very clear. Like Ross fucking a student who also happens to be Rachel’s boyfriend’s daughter? Crazy. He’s mainly up here because of the silly mirror dance he does, I just love that. - Pete Becker, Iron-man in training. Before all the UFC stuff made him kinda go nuts, I really liked Pete. I liked how he was successful, impressive, focused, determined, etc. etc. I kinda wanted to be him when I grew up- just a laid-back baller travelling overseas on a whim and following his wildest dream. A more modern look on Pete reveals more problematic issues, but name one Friends character that isn’t problematic haha.

[mcrvictoria]

God (the play)

Written by L.A. Glanvill Copyright 2018 (rev.)

Characters: A mottle group that went to grade school together till the end of High school. Even though they have different personalities, they maintain a close relationship even in there late twenties. Bringing New couples into the mix and dealing with the off-putting scenarios the characters create. 

God: Stereotypical character, white toga Style robe. Seems innocent almost naive. Seems to have an Identity crisis. Definite wisdom but seems simple when dealing with tough situation. Playful and whimsical as well. 

Phil: Late twenties, anal and looks for people's approval even though he's successful at his job. Seems a bit needy with a touch of sarcasm that is retracted when he goes to far. Can be self-defeating and can be a bit of a whiner. 

Martha: Wise but quietly wanting everyone to be happy. A people-pleaser, her main goal is to become the perfect host. Dedicated to Phil. Knows things others don't seem to know but can be so blind at times and a bit of a snob. She seems to miss the small things. 

Tom: Very religious, devout, a little dumb. Easily influenced by Jen. Very scattered and reactionary. Illogical. Blind to all around him. Controlled by base emotions and short tempered. 

Jen: Tom's Girlfriend. Not smart but thinks she is. Really argumentative. Emotional and reactive. Very aggressive. Uses sex as a weapon with Tom. Massively manipulative. 

Tammy: The most unlucky person ever. If anything can go wrong, it will. She falls a lot, always hurt, outer circle even affected. Can be sad and meek at times. But still seems to carry a smile even if fake. Has an expecting nature about her and stoic. 

Dr. Segal: Arrogant, controlling, big ego. Is a Player and condescending. Very shallow and materialistic. Male chauvinistic personality. Objectives women. Really believes he's better than others. 

Corina: Very shallow, gold digger, materialistic. Only wears and top brands but never pays for anything. Has multiple boyfriends. Dr. Segal being one of them. Using her looks for gains. Very flirty cheats on all relationships. 

Zoe: A clone of Corina but pretends to be dumber. Wrestles with being moral has a conscience but ignores it most times. Important to mimic Corina as much as possible. 

Liz: Rhon's Girlfriend, an accomplished musician, university TA. Sweet, kind, a little silly, quiet and very smart. Super humble, supportive and affectionate. Loves animals and people. Can be naive because she wants to believe in the best of people.

Death: Based on a grandmother character. Super sweet, soft just exudes love. Must have grannies glasses. Flowered dress. Little hate, like going to church on Sunday. Cane, just someone you would love no matter what. 

Rhon (the actor): Liz's boyfriend, logical, scientific in nature. A intellectual always ready for a debate. Can be loud at times. Knows a lot about the universe and not afraid to share his ideas. Strong sense of self. 

Rhon Grenon (The director): Laid back but impatient, direct, demanding if pushed. Also has a contradicting personality, a “I don't care attitude”, but takes everything personal. Knows what he likes and can be a little arrogant about it. 

Cue card guy:  The real Rhon Grenon. AKA, L.A. Glanvill

Song list: 

Voy Vance - Make it rain. 

Kidnap kid - first light. 

The Pete box - Wave. 

Syd Matters – River sister. 

Pretty lights – Finally moving. 

Patrick Watson – To build a home. (Tammy Dies) 

Youngblood Hawk – We come running. 

Our last night – Voices. 

Two Feet – Had some drinks. 

San Holo – Light. 

Suuns – Translate. 

The Chemical Brothers - Snow. 

Miike Snow – Cult logic. 

John Butler – Ocean. 

Waterboys – To close to heaven. 

Phosphoroscent – Song for Zula. 

The Strumbellas – We don't know. 

Ray LaMontagne – Empty. 

The Acid – Basic Instinct. 

Low- Lullaby

Crews: 

Sound Crew: Responsible of overall feel of the atmosphere and vital to success of the feel of the play. 

Lighting crew: Timing is everything. Absolute focus is necessary or wont work especially in the end. 

Food Crew: Have to do set up during end of play, Quietly and quickly. Then responsible to encourage people to start to eat. Bring them food or ask them what they want. 

Audience Plants: Willing to engage neighbours and encourage them to get involved to the party. Start before the play starts. 

Make-up crew: Responsible for all wardrobe and make-up but essential at the end to make Jen a car accident victim.. 

Visual Crew: Responsible for timing and visual play on TV. Easter Egg 

Set Crew: Layout and design as well of placement for optimal full party organization. 

Media Crew: Hit all formats of social media. Create a buzz.

Flood of lights across a room, showing all the details of the stage. Centre stage is a typical living room with couch and TV facing audience. Modern style decor Music plays softly in the background. Looks like there is a preparation for a party going on. Banner saying congratulations up and balloons, food out. Three characters are already walking around finishing prepping. The Lights dim, the characters continue to do what they are doing, above the lights and music comes the deep booming voice of God as his speech continues, the rest get the room finished and ready for the party. 

GOD: In the beginning there was nothing. Pause Nothing here anyway. This darkness, which wasn't actually darkness at the time because no one had come along to start naming things. Just was... Pause nevertheless; anyway; All the same. From the darkness I created the sun, the moon and all the stars. People weren't even on my mind at this point. I was creating scenery. See. Then I laid out the earth here and touched it up with all the beauty I could imagine. Birds, flowers, trees, beetles, rocks, sand, rainbows and snowy peaked mountains. Eventually, water crept up on the land as land invaded the waters and beasts I envisioned lived in blissful ignorance. All but one; Distaste in voice HUMANS. Humans who started thinking that they had monkeys as ancestors. Who considered themselves the descendants of muscular slugs, who heroically dragged their slippery bodies from the water to land to evolve. Again distaste in voice Suddenly, I feel a need to inform them of their folly; To make my presence known; To inform educate, instruct and edify; To help them understand themselves and to do something. Pause You see, I've become so incredibly bored. 

Lights rise again full. The three characters are speaking with one another from across the room. Light music. The doorbell rings.

Phil: I'll Get it. Walks towards the door. Stage Left. Martha raises a hand but not her head as she works away at making finger sandwiches. Phil opens the door to Tammy, Jen, and Thom. Who is carrying a bag of ice. Tammy has a grease mark on her face and her hands are slightly stained, her clothes are wrinkled and hair all messed. 

Oh my god Tammy what the hell happened? 

Tammy looks at her feet and doesn't answer. 

Tom: Her car had a little trouble. 

Jen: A little Trouble? I didn't even know that thing could move. It was a rolling horror show.

Tom:  She just had a flat tire. Jen:  A flat tire!?! I think all four tires of those tires were running on rims. She had flat rims.

Phil: Takes Tammy's hand You ok, hun? 

Tammy nods her head walks over and puts a bowl of crab dip that she brought on the table.

Tammy: I'll put the Crab dip here that I made here Martha. Is that ok?

Martha: Come in, come in all of you. Why are you all standing around? Yes Tammy that's fine, right there is fine. 

Phil moves to the side and holds the door open. The three walk by him and toss their jackets on the side chair. Phil, looking towards the entering guests goes to close the door behind him but Dr. Segal with Corina and Zoe walk in one on each arm like arm candy. Bumping into Phil as they enter. 

Dr. Segal:  How's it going, Hi, Hi. I'm here let the party begin. 

Phil goes to close the door and looks out to the audience. The spotlight focuses on him. The rest of the cast greet each other , and talk give hugs and hellos. They all grab drinks that Martha is holding on a tray. 

Phil: I decided to throw a party. Because I never do these kind of things: Normally I like a nice quiet night in with my fiance, Martha. Or a night on the town at a play, an intimate blues bar or a open air concert. But not in my house, I'm not to found of having people in my house. But these are my friends.

Pause, looks at the group. 

A motley crew of misanthropes; self-doubters the lot of them. But aren't we all? They hide it well though, don't they? Dr. Segal there, with the ladies by his side. A plastic surgeon. He has devoted his life, specifically, to enlarging the mammary glands on the already well-endowed women: Women such as Corina, The young woman on his left. 

Corina laughs, pushes her chest out, and gives Dr. Segal a slap on the shoulder

Corina didn't always look like that. Nor did any of us really want her to. She's beautiful, in her own way. Then there's Zoe who's thinking of surgery herself, but isn't sure. Why you ask? Because she isn't sure of anything or at least that's what I think. She sure seems to know everything. 

Zoe steps back from the other two and raising one hand begins to yatter in a way that the others two roll their eyes at her

Phil:  Jen and Tom, have a dysfunctional/ destructive relationship if there ever has been one. They can fight about anything; where the sun sets. What time it is on the moon. If an orange was purple what would it be called? But then they have, or so I've been told, knock out sex. Isn't that the way though? 

Jen and Tom seem to be arguing about something of near the kitchen table 

And then there's Tammy, poor, poor Tammy. We've been calling her that for years now. Nothing that we know of has ever gone her way. Her father left when she was four, then her mother died on her when she was five. She was shipped off and raised by a grandmother who didn't believe in children. Lucky for her she died when she was Ten. Then many foster-homes. And she disappeared for a good five years. These things are not mentioned in the group. None of ask and she doesn't share. Since she came back her luck has even gotten worse. If there is a chair leg to catch a toe on , she will. If she jumps a green light, she'll get t-boned by another car. If she dates a nice guy. An aspiring doctor...and don't let her know I told you this... he'll end up being the doctor only so much as that he'll get caught dismembering the neighbourhood cats. 

Tammy goes to sit down and falls of the chair. Spilling her drink on herself 

Then there is Martha and I, We've been together six years now. One day soon I am going to ask for her hand... I didn't know I could love someone this much. And this is my party which I have been planning for two weeks. Now you are all up to speed let's jump in and see where this goes. 

Martha is handing out food still and the doorbell rings again. Stage lights up and Phil walks over to answer the door. 

Rhon:  Hey buddy boy! Gives Phil a hug then pushes him 

Phil: Where's Liz?

Rhon:  She's on her way. She wanted to bring her own car so she could leave when she wanted to from work. 

Rhon Takes of his coat and drops it on the couch, Phil goes to close the door and Liz enters with God slightly behind her. She runs in leaving the door open, God wanders in as the attention is on Liz 

Liz: Rhon, Rhon. I won! I won the award for my composition! 

She runs across the room and hugs Rhon. Rhon raises a glass in his hand to toast her 

Rhon: A toast, To Liz, who just won some epic award for which I assume is a beautiful musical composition. 

Everyone raise their glasses, cheer and then drink deeply. Then the girls jump up and down in excitement and joy. Before going back to what they were doing. Lights dim. God Stands beside the couch examining the room, Hands behind his back, Tipping forwards on his feet. Phil goes and closes the door and turns to the audience. Spot light on Phil 

Phil: Then there's Rhon and Liz. There's not a better couple out there, as far any of us can tell. And If I have to admit it I'm bit jealous of their relationship. Supportive and loving, disgustingly perfect. And then there's this... 

Pauses looks at God hand stuck in air and confused 

This Guy who I have never seen before. Who is this guy? 

Stage lights up Phil walks over to Liz and Rhon who is excitedly talking to Rhon.

Phil:  Who's your friend? 

Liz: Who?

Phil: Dude with the beard. He came with you didn't he? 

Liz:  Never seen him before. 

Everyone looks at God who is now watching the TV. Music changes to christian Gospel 

Rhon: Who is this guy? And What's with the music? 

Phil:  Martha can we put on a different CD? 

Martha walks over to change the CD but it keeps playing as she pulls out the CD as she holds it. She looks dumbfounded. Phil walks over to God 

Phil:  Hi There. 

Looking quizzical, God just smiles, a kind generous smile 

God: Good day, Sir. 

Phil: Umm, Might I ask who you came with? Who you came with? 

God pauses for a second, glances around the room and back to Phil. Some are looking at him, Liz, Rhon, and Tammy are paying attention to what he's saying. All others are conversing about there places and do not hear what he is about to say

God: I am God 

Looking puzzled like he doesn't understand the question 

Phil: God? As in Godfry. Right? 

God: No, no, no. God. 

Glances till he locks eyes towards Martha direction 

Ask Martha. 

Phil: Oh, you're a friend of Martha's. 

God: Yes and no. But she'll understand. 

Phil: God. Okay, God. I see. 

Lights dim again, spotlight on God. Rest of the cast freezes. 

God: To the audience. People simply do not understand. Was I to believe that they honestly would? God is not something that comes and talks to one Saturday night. Something, someone? That just shows up in your living room. God is supposed to be ethereal, everlasting and above all else, somewhere else; Somewhere mystical and above the clouds. Or trenched deep within one's heart: not standing on your carpet in your front room. How can I make them understand who I am? Well I cannot; they simply do, or they do not. 

Lights back to full 

Phil: God then.

God: To audience And Phil here does. 

Phil: May I introduce you to my friend, Moses, Jesus and Mary. Snickers 

God: I see. Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Has no one ever told you that, Phil? 

Phil looks slightly shocked 

Phil: How do you know my name? 

God: I told you Phil, I am God. 

Phil: I see. 

God: Need I prove this to you somehow? 

Phil:  That may be a way to get over this awkwardness, no? 

God: No. 

Phil: No? 

God:  Yes, yes, of course. How might I prove this to you?

Phil:  Snapping his fingers What was the name of the dog I had in high school? God responds quickly

God: Skippy 

Phil:  Where did I lose my Blanket when I was four? 

God: You didn't, your mom threw it out? Taken aback and surprised but determined to catch him 

Phil: Fine then, what is my favourite food? 

God:  Chocolate: which is odd, thought not as odd as the fact, bearing in mind the aforementioned fact, that you have never had a cavity. Thanks to me. He winks and giggles 

Phil:  And what... 

God:  Toothpaste. 

Phil: Where... 

God: Georgetown. 

Phil:  Stepping back But... 

God: Spruce street, a quarter past five or quarter after five, Simultaneous multiple partners, a lakeside resort on the edge of Owen Sound, A four hundred dollar plate, the grass behind your house, with-in the bushes, Dying cats and teddy bear named Woo-woo you lost while searching for your little sister when she was lost one foggy May morning.

Phil: Head dropping Woo-woo. 

God: Speaking in a Jamaican accent Yah Phil. I'm da real ting mon. And to answer you next question, I am here to raise my praise. People jus don believe anymore. Don believe in anything. And we all need somethin' to believe in, right mon. I am da lord and Savior. But if yu need some more proof.... Raises his hands above his head 

Phil: No, No, that's alright. I'll play along. 

God:  Normal voice Are you sure? I have this amazing dancing elephant that will materialize at a moments notice. Doesn't make a mess. It's the dearest little thing I have ever seen. 

Phil: No, I'm certain. But, could you do me a favour? I know you want to raise your praise and all, but could you keep the preaching to a minimum? I have been planning this party for a couple of weeks and really, well religious talk is such a downer. We just want to have fun. 

God: Kicking his at the ground, head hung low, eyes looking up puppy-dog like Aww come on, I need to help people , help them understand that's there's something out there looking out for them. 

Phil: Please. Begging 

God: Oh All right, I'll try. 

Phil: Try? If memory serves me right, you tried a few things a few times before and they have hardly worked out properly.

God: British accent Scotch, ma boy, I kna yu have a bottle a twenty five under yu bed. 

Phil:  Smiles I was saving that for a special occasion. 

God:  Well that special occasion is here. 

Martha:  Having made her way over to God Rod is it? My, my you should be wearing more clothing: it's cold out there. 

God:  Do you know what might warm me up? 

Martha: Pigs in a blanket? 

God: Yup. Pigs in a blanket. Smiles 

Phil walks over to help Martha grab the food

Phil: It's god you know that don't you? 

Martha: Yes of course I do. Who wouldn't know God? 

Dr. Segal walks over quickly. God walks of to the food table. Picks up the crab dip that Tammy brought, Snif s it and gives a troubled face. Puts it back down 

Dr. Segal:  Who is that?

Phil: He's God. 

Dr. Segal: With a smile on his face Let's look at this rationally, shall we. God, the being who created the universe, who created the prototypes for you and me. Who keeps the world spinning, who sends the sun up and the moon down. Or whatever it is that happens there. The big guy in the sky. He's here in your living room. The man with a plan, all the answers. 

Corina overhears and comes over with Zoe in tow 

Corina: This is stupid. If he has all the answers I don't care! All that matters is how you look and what you have. Everyone knows that. 

Zoe: OMG! Corina come on that's not true. What about sad people: They need our help to make them happy. Like makeup and stuff. 

Corina: Laughs loud and claps here hands like she has a great idea I know everybody feels better when you get a good haircut. Looking with wide eyes like she has a secret to share. We should start a club or crowd funding or group or facebook or whatever to give make-up workshops in Africa or hair extensions to the poor. 

Both Girls squeal in delight and give each other a high five 

Both: OMG YEAAA!!! 

Phil looks dumbfounded and looks back to Dr. Segal to finish his conversation. Both girls talk among themselves 

Phil: Umm, anyway sure, To answer you. Why not? I mean why not? Don't you...

Dr. Segal: Believe in God? Sure, sure. Why not. I believe in God But The guy with the beard over there is trying to steal your gold pen. 

Phil: Pointing at God Hey, hey put that down! 

God: Looking startled It's a beautiful pen Phil, lovely Fine gold. 

Phil: Yeah, well you can see why I would be a little nervous about it then. 

God:  Indeed. 

Dr. Segal and Phil walk over to where God is 

Phil: And you might expect that I will Question why you have chosen to visit me. Tonight of all nights. 

God: Indeed 

Spot light on Phil 

Phil: To Audience A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer, The bartenders says, Says we don't serve ropes here. The the rope bends over and shows him the top of his head and says fraid knot? No, wait that's not the one I wanted. Slaps himself on the knee Guy walks into a party and says, “ I'm God.” No, that's not nearly as funny. Guy throws a party and everything that could go wrong goes wrong. And God walks in.

Tom:  To Phil smugly I see you are humouring the deity this evening Phil. 

Phil: So you don't believe? 

Tom: I do believe in God. I don't believe that that is him. I know God and his will: you know I am one of the faithful, one of his flock. I understand the heart and mind of God. I hate to say it Phil. But I am closer to God, more than any of you.

Jen:  I don't believe it's him either. But let's have fun with him. 

Phil Hangs his head as his friends walk past him. He turns around to find that the rest of the party members have gathered around God 

Dr. Segal: Those are some hefty bags under your eyes, old timer. Drop by my clinic and I could help you out with those. 

Martha hands God a snifter of scotch

Zoe: Like, where do you stand on abortion? 

Corina: Can you make me Prettier? 

Rhon: When I look into the night sky I can only see so far, right? I want to know what the edge of the universe looks like. 

Everyone is there surrounding God 

Liz:  Where is the most beautiful place on Earth?

Phil: Once we have figured out DNA what will we know? 

Jen: To Phil Why would he care about that? 

Tom: To Jen Why would he not? 

Jen: Where do you even come up with such dumb things to say? 

Tom: Oh-for-crying-out-loud Jen! Why can't you just agree on one thing for once? 

Jen: You always say that! I have my own thoughts, I don't like when you say I argue. Last time you did that I washed your shirt and nothing is ever good enough for you. 

Tom: What the hell are you talking about? They both walk of arguing getting softer as they walk away. Improve argument from here. Everyone turns back to God to ask more questions. But not loud. Silent but dramatic actions. Music louder like a Montague 

Tammy softly speaks as music drops almost shy like 

Tammy: What is luck? 

The party slips into slow motion but for God and Phil 

God:  Looking mournfully towards Phil You know Phil, You weren't selected at random. Your house was chosen. Wilfully selected. Let me tell you why I am here, Phil. Going into salesman mode People have managed to get the wrong idea about me Phil. My message has been bastardized to the point where I cannot tell what these people are talking about anymore. You have all made it more difficult than it needs to be. They've taken my words and ruined them. Changed them. Switched them up and spat them back out in odd formations to feed their own ego's. Someone should just ask me what I am talking about. Not these single little questions. These insignificant whims. Ask me what it is I mean by it all. 

Phil: God, What are you talking about? 

God:  Ask me what it all means. What this world is all about. 

Phil:  What's it all about God? 

God:  Beats me. Giggles 

Rest of the party snaps back out of slow motion and God and Phil are in there original places 

Tammy: Why were all my loved ones taken from me so early on in life? 

Jen comes back as Thom pouts in the corner by the food. She interrupts pushes her way in, then Thom follows back with a frown on his face 

Jen: Is true love a reality? Or some sort of chemical bullshit? 

Tom: Why are you asking this guy anything? He's not God! 

Jen: How do you even know? Well? How could you know? It might be possible! 

Tom: I, I, well I'd just know. I mean God doesn't come and start nattering to people in their living rooms, some night. Does he! 

Martha: He could. 

Liz: Is music truly the greatest divine blessing? 

Rhon: okay, so what I find hard to swallow, is what religion is selling. It seems flawed, in a way that is beyond explanation. Hypocritical, controlling, and self-centred. I think that is the problem. Self-centred. Seriously though, I use to look up into the nights sky when I was a kid and wonder what was up there, all night long, watching the stars move and the clouds and the moon. Then one day I found out that it was us that was moving and not the stars. Or that the stars had already moved and what I was seeing was not even there anymore. They were just what was left of what was once there. Like that flicker when you turn off a TV at night. And seriously listen I couldn't go to church any more. I mean, If I can stare at something with my own eyes like that, something that doesn't even exist anymore, and the lights are beautiful. The earth moves on its own accord, and all this, all this stuff was actually created by something. I was damned certain that it, whatever it was that created all of this, was not going to care whether or not I stuffed myself into a little blue suit every Sunday morning and sang songs about how much I loved him. And how much I praised him. Come on wasn't Sunday supposed to be a day off anyway? 

Everyone stops and looks at Rhon rant. For a moment when he's done silence. Then in unison to God 

Everyone: Aren't you going to give us any answers?

God looks tired, settles down in a seat. Martha grabs a drink and brings it to God and a small plate of pigs in a blanket. He smiles at her and sips his scotch and closes his eyes to enjoy it 

Martha: Let's all leave him alone for a moment, give him some space you guys.

Cast but Phil walks back to the food table talking to themselves 

God: He makes me sound like I've been neutered or something. 

Phil: We are not supposed to know the face of god, Or so we have been told.

God:  Not supposed to know? Who decided this? Shaking his head at the statement 

Phil:  Only his work. 

God: My work. Hmm. But not me. The product but not the inventor. 

Phil: But are we to thank you? 

God:  Thank me? For what? For what I have done for you? But not know who or what you are thanking? 

Phil:  Does it sound odd? 

God:  A little. Might I have a moment alone?

Phil: Certainly. 

Phil walks over to where Tom is standing, Jen Kissing Thom Passionately, God looks likes talking to someone, then sips his drink quietly. As Thom Phil is there and pushes Jen of of him 

Phil:  Tom, you don't believe that God is right there do you. 

Tom:  Oh he's here. He resides in our churches and cathedrals and in our hearts. He's all around us. Watching, judging every moment of our existence.

Phil: So, you don't believe that he could come to earth and talk to us? 

Tom: If he did, who would believe him? Unless he turned the sky into fire, and the world to salt. He would show the power of who he is. 

Jen: Yea right, he's right! 

Stage Darkens, spotlight on Phil. Who walks to the front of the stage. Rhon walks over to God. And you can see them starting a deep debate. Can only see actions no words

Phil: Well, I do. We've made him human. Sometimes some of us; If we care at all to look outside of ourselves for answers. But then, most of us are too busy for that anyway. Doesn't it seem that the stranger things get the more willing we are to accept them? The tabloids draw our eyes their stands at the grocery stores. Tweets build fear. Facebook isolates us. We don't know how to be friends anymore. The news that people have won millions in a lottery, keeping us buying and wanting and hoping that in someway or some how our number will come up and we will finally win. We have lost faith in anything tangible. And as we lose faith we begin believing more and more in things, like televangelists, products that will make us beautiful. People that lie to us and we want them too. Trying to be perfect trying each to be a God in our own right, hoping one more person will push the like button to make us closer to perfection. We have created a God so far from who he is here in my living room, that we can't even see who he is now. Or understand. No one has direct recourse to the Lord. 

Lights come back on and Rhon Is beside God. Phil walks over in mid-conversation. 

Rhon: So, you see what I mean? No, no seriously, if we live in a multi-dimensional universe. The introduction of infinity proves that a God could not exist in this wider sense of multiple infinitives of north, east, west, south, up and down. Time, God. Time could not exist if God does. What we have is a world within which we are attempting to link existing things, things we can touch and see. Like this glass of wine. Holds up glass of wine Like wise cannot see, like time, or infinity, or God. And that makes sense. Doesn't it? 

God: You cannot multiply infinity times infinity, then interject variables with an earthly construct. Quantifying the equation and expect there to be a big equal sign n the end. Counting things out on his fingers 

Phil:  So then we made God. We made God for the answer to these questions?

God: Yes, that is entirely possible. The world spinning in infinity without a leader, without a God. So, there is no God. No, wait a moment... There is Dammit you guys, I'm God. 

Phil, and Rhon Snicker At God for a moment Tom walks over near the end of god speaking 

Tom: Extending his hand Right then, God I'm Moses. Would love to talk to you a little longer but there's Sea somewhere that needs to be parted. Tom walks off laughing 

Phil: You could have said something. 

God:  I don't bother with his type. He has his own perception of who I am, what I do. I could do anything I wish to him, but he's still going to be looking for a bloody tear to come off of some manikins face or a bush to spontaneously combust. It's easier to let him live his life. Let him live simply. Than show him the truth of who I am. Like I said before the message has been lost in time. The ultimate telephone game. 

Phil: So the faithful are wrong? 

God: Hand to chin No, not wrong. But blind faith in anything will get you killed. 

End of Act I

Act II 

TV is on. Rhon Flicks remote begins to press buttons. God remains sitting munching on pigs on a blanket and sipping on his drink 

TV: In Syria today, UN troops are gaining access to previously un... On highway 7 today at 2:00am just east of Peterborough, Five teens driving what is believed in excessive speed crashed into a tree. Alcohol may have been a factor. All Five teens... For only $29.99 plus shipping and handling. That's right Greg, we pay the shipping and handling this time. What Fran We do?... It's generally our notion that, upon discovering his men bogged down in heavy snow of a Russian winter. Napoleon chose, against the wishes of his commanding officers and advisors, to continue on, but what was he expecting to find in Russia that... Show me the way to go home, everybody now, I'm tired and wanna go to bed.

Phil: Hey Rhon turn up the music, turn that thing down. More party man. 

Martha while walking across the room, takes the remote from Rhon and places it back on the TV, music plays softly in the background 

Martha: What is it I have to do to live a good life? Sorry to bother you, I really am, but I have been asking myself this question for so long now and I need to know the answer. 

God: Slow, steady, psychiatrists voice Need. Need as a word, if I am correct, normally signals something which, were one to not receive it, one might very well die? Well, will you die if you do not receive an answer, Martha?

Martha:  Looking at the couch, running her finger up and down the seam of the arm rest I suppose not. But will I be allowed into heaven?

Phil: Wanders over and sits beside Martha Yes, is there a heaven? I've always wondered that myself. 

God: Well, a while ago I rented this warehouse location on Roosevelt Island and now we get those souls packed in there nice and tight. 

Martha:  What!?! 

God: Giggling No, Martha I'm kidding. I'll have to leave that up to your imagination. But yes to live a good life Martha. I will tell you a secret Motions for her to come closer Rubber bands. You must collect more rubber bands. 

Martha nods her head and stands, when she passes the TV, there is an elastic on it and she takes it 

God: Turns to Phil I've realized over time I'm not that good with people, Phil. I often forget how ridiculously low their sense of humour is. 

Dr. Segal: At the kitchen Table But Club Monaco is the new big thing. Those Tight little tops that show off the ladies belly-rings. And the skin. Short, short, short. Legs, legs legs. 

Zoe: Club Monaco? Like, whatever. I spend, like a thousand on a shirt I can wear it like forever. Club Monaco cost like Fifty bucks. 

Dr. Segal: You could wear it forever? But do you?

Zoe: Guuuroossss, NEVER! 

Dr. Segal: Nothing I like more than a woman in a tight sweater. Takes Corina's hand and smiles I really do appreciate the subtlety of a woman. I know that sounds hypocritical being a surgeon in the art of plastic. But to me seeing a beautiful angel filling a sweater, where a lot is left to the imagination...mmm...mmm 

Corina: Sweaters! But they hide so much. They're so, regular. I mean, Like, I mean. They hide everything. 

Dr. Segal: And there is beauty in that, isn't there? In the unknown about another person? 

Zoe: No, there isn't. We should be able to judge people without talking to them.

Jen:  Well, maybe if boobs are all you have then... 

Zoe:  Take that back! Waving her finger at Jen 

Jen: Why do you immediately assume I am talking about you? 

Zoe: Take it back! Jen: Well, it's true. 

Zoe: You don't mean it. Take it back!

Jen:  I do, and I won't! 

Zoe: Why do you have to be such a bitch? 

Jen: I just say what I know. 

Zoe:  Well maybe you should, like, think about keeping some of these things to yourself, do you know what I mean? 

Jen: Honesty is a virtue. Right God? Looks across the room at God 

Spot light falls on God, the rest of the room slips into slow-motion. God speaks to the audience 

God:  Petty disputes. What makes them think that I can solve their Problems? Who was it that said, all of your dealings with one another, your financial troubles, your social concerns, your love and loss of love take them to god. Send them my way. I can fix it. In the dead of night when you have just hung up the phone with the only person you ever believed you would be able to love. Who has just told you that you unfortunately are not the one for them. Well, yell to good old God. Tell him your troubles. You've driven your car into a wall because your high. Lying there in your own stupid pool of blood and cry out to God. Maybe God can turn back time, you'll think, maybe God is the answer here. Then while you're laying a hospital room, contemplating how ephemeral it all is, how absolutely tragic the world is. How horrible you have been treated, you will say, Why, God, why have you forsaken me? And I will tell you why. Because, dumb-ass you did it yourself. It was was your choice to smoke that joint and text. Not mine. And that person that convinces you to buy Bitcoin but at the last moment you bail.

God: They become rich and you don't. You can't blame them for your lack of courage. You wanting to play it safe. You make choices that dictate your future everyday. I'm not saying hardship won't happen for no reason now and then. Sure born into the wrong part of the world what choice do you have. But definitely you have a choice here. You already won the golden ring. You by being here in this moment of time in this place have won the lottery of life. Every opportunity is given to you. I look out for the ones that need it, the little people. Putting little angels on their shoulder... But these people are beyond my jurisdiction. They've made their own rules and now must live by them. Sorry to say. 

Stage lights back up 

Jen: I'm not saying that you are a bad person, Zoe. Just self-centred and. 

Zoe: What? Self-centred and What? If you are having about of honesty here and all. 

Tom: Simple. 

Phil: Please stop it you guys. 

Zoe: Simple! Simple! What do you mean by that? 

Jen: Maybe more ignorant than simple, actually. I'd say. But that is not a bad thing. You just decided to live your life a different way. Different things are important to you. 

Phil: No really guys please, my party come on don't be mean to each other. We can work this out.

Zoe:  Pfff, like okay. What. The. Hell. 

Dr. Segal:  Laughing All I was saying is that I like a woman in a sweater. But if we're going to be talking like this well Jen, I mean, really, Pot, Kettle, Black. Hahaha 

Zoe: Oh shut up you, you, you pimp. 

Dr. Segal: Whooaa Hahaha. Pimp? Hahahah, let me explain to you what pimp is. 

Zoe: Like, I know what a pimp is. And. And. Why are you all being so mean to me? Starts to cry 

Jen: To Dr. Segal as she puts her hand on Zoe shoulder to support her What do you know about or anything you glorified sculptor! 

Dr. Segal:  I'll take that as a compliment. Hahaha 

Zoe: What did I do wrong? 

Jen:  What is it that I said so wrong? Or awful? It's just the truth. 

Tom: I wish this never started. Why can't you just keep your mouth shut? Why do you have to fight with everyone at every moment? 

Phil: Guys, guys, my party remember?

Corina: I think my left Boob is bigger than the right one. Can anyone see this?

Rhon:  Why can't we just get along people. It's the differences that separate us and we have to start finding common ground here. Common you guys. 

Tom: That kind of attitude will get you beat up these days. Hahahaha 

Dr. Segal:  Softly There's more to life than looks. 

Jen: And you would know. 

Tom and Phil both start laughing 

Liz: Guys what's going on? 

Tom And Phil Still laughing 

Jen, Zoe: what you you laughing at? 

In the background Tammy is eating her Crab dip, standing alone. No one else is there after eating it she sits. She waves for help but no one notices. Then leans back and dies with her eyes open. Everyone is focused on Phil who is awkwardly laughing.

Phil:  Ha, Ha, So here's a good one. This guy, he decides to have this party and, Hahaha, makes everything perfect for everyone. For his friends and then, ohh, here's a good one. The Lord almighty shows up and. Hahaha his friends start to fight with one another and Hahahaha, toss some drinks around and insult one another and then, hahahahaha. 

Dr. Segal looks over at Tammy where she is slumped over eyes open, as Phil has his break down. He walks over puts his ear to her mouth and listens for a moment. Picks up her arm and checks for a pulse. Stage goes dark and the spotlight focuses on God. God put his drink down and shakes his head 

God:  This isn't going to be pretty. Lights come up full on the stage 

Dr. Segal: Tammy's dead! He shouts out to everyone. 

Everyone: Dead? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead! 

Everyone: Dead? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead! 

Phil: How? 

Dr. Segal:  Dead!

Rhon:  No, How? 

Dr. Segal: Shrugs his shoulders Might have been something she ate. 

Zoe: I told her to go on a diet! 

Everyone glares at her still in shock. 

Phil: And then, here's the punch line. I mean get this one, It's better than three guys walk-into a bar. A priest, a mime and a drunk Irish man. Or the one about guy and his neighbour wife? Which is a good one. A real good one. This one is better. This guy, see, he throws a party and wants everything to be perfect. But then God shows up and his friends fight and argue. And then, here it is, here's the big one, the clincher. The old whoompa! One of his guests Dies. DIES hahahahahahah 

God: As he eats the crab dip and other things It was the crab Dip. I guess I could have mentioned that but then I got this scotch and got into these conversations and then the ladies here started fighting with one another. 

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? I mean really God. Come on. 

Phil: I let you into my house. For the party. 

Zoe: She was my friend. 

Tom:  I can still remember our night together. Walks over to Tammy strokes her hair 

Dr. Segal: No leave her be.

Everyone sits down at the table then ignores that Tammy in dead. Someone pushes the Crab dip to the end of the table. The stages darkens slightly Music in the background. Death walks in touches Tammy on the arm and she pops up fully animated, Stands and tests out here new body. She seems stronger, more confident, both move to the back of the table and seem in a good happy conversation 

Jen: Wait! What night with her? Thom? I introduced you to her. So if you did anything with her I'll Frig'in lose it I swear to God! 

God Perks up and looks at them points to himself questioningly 

Tom: Aww, Tammy. I feel so betrayed. Jen How could you think this? 

Zoe:  Like, Serves you right. 

Tom: Oh shut it Zoe! 

Phil: My party. 

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? You're God for Christ sake. You didn't get around to mentioning that the Crab dip was going to kill our friend? 

God: Well, I knew the possibility was there that it could maybe, kill her. But things can always go one of two ways. 

Zoe:  Like, whatever. IF you're God, I'm Marilyn Monroe.

Tom: And I'm Moses. 

Jen: And I'm Princess Di. 

Zoe: That's pretty Tasteless. 

Jen:  What do you know about taste? 

Tom: Name one Tchaikovsky Symphony. 

Zoe: Who? Me or her? 

Tom: Either of you. And at the same time points to God Prove you are who you say you are. Prove you're God. Let's get it all figured out here. All the cards on the table. 

Phil: No, no, please don't make him prove anything. The elephant and the destry what's left of my party. And. Oh, please just don't make him prove anything. 

With a big pause, everyone's attention is focused on God he sighs and gets ready to speak 

God:  This girl has an unlucky life and I get the blame when she dies? I didn't make the dip. I didn't make the crab dip with old eggs and old crabs. I didn't take it from the plate and stick it in Tammy's mouth. But I get the blame? See that's what I have been talking about. You all think that I have something to do with this.

Tom: Well, you do have the ultimate control over everything. Right? That's the deal. Your job description. Right? Or will you just admit now you aren't God. 

Phil: Gone, deceased, dead hands flutter in the shape of a bird. Taking off above his head an at my party. The party I have been planning for over two weeks.

Rhon: Oh sweet-Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ Phil. Shut up about the damn party. We get it, we know, but right now things have gone a little sideways here and we have bigger things to think about that that right now. 

God:  There. There is my flaw. Snaps his fingers and points My cosmic joke, my point of break or my cracked vase. You little buggers can only think yourself. Yourself and how you can be better than one another. But, in the end, just yourself. Yourself first and last. Start, middle and end, me, me, me. Do you know how I got here today? I took the subway. While I was standing there on the platform, a woman named Patricia Barker, was severely depressed. Believing the world was to much for her. She was so desperate, to much pain to speak of. Decided to remove her and her child from it. The world that is. Remove herself completely. By jumping , child in arms, in front of a oncoming subway. I was the blind black beggar at the station. You want me to help? Well it's not my job!

Martha: That's awful. 

God smiles sadly at Martha

God:  But this woman beside me, Three piece suit, a couple grand worth of jewellery, late for a business meeting as it was. She began to complain. Complain that she was going to be even later for this meeting. Huffing and puffing. That it would change her world. That it would make more and more money. “Screw this stupid woman, who is dressed like a street person.” She said aloud. Decides to jump in front of a train, I mean come on people, you want to know everything in the world there is to know? Life on mars, eternal happiness, the perfect orgasm, long life and maybe inner peace? Well, compassion is a good start. Compassion and empathy is a damn fine start actually. 

Phil:  And then my guests piss off God. 

Death makes her way to Tammy stands beside her and Tammy instantly comes to life. they talk but know one notices as all focus is on God. Death waves hello to God, God nodded in acknowledgement

Liz:  God: are you okay? 

God: Runs his hands over his face I'm sorry. You are no more to blame than anyone else. But you must understand that it is all about free will. And that is going to shock you all. I mean, especially Tom there who actually believes in me. 

Tom: Looking sheepish and acting defensive I believe in God, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you my friend are not HIM!

God: You are a rarity these days. But no one really has it wrong. Well, except for the Scientologist. They are way out in left field. Anyway I created the earth, and it was good. I created the plants, the sea, the sky, it was all good. Good. Put animals in the mix nice batch of insects all life. Then I got tired or maybe bored I can't remember. So I set the program in motion, a basic free will if you like. It was good. I went away for awhile and I came back and what do I see. It was no longer good. Yu'all screwed it it up. Yu'all forgot a few things changed a few things. But yu'all had yer purposes to fulfill. And and yu'all don't like it. Then you have someone like Tammy here who, tonight, has fulfilled her duties. Who's free-will has brought her to this. And this. 

Lights focus on Death and Tammy 

Phil:  Who is this? 

God: Death. 

Rhon: This old lady is Death? 

Death blows her nose and fixes her glasses and smiles a big smile Tammy Appears beside Death. The rest of the cast realize shes alive and standing

Rhon:  Oh my God, It's Tammy! 

The rest are shocked 

Liz: Tammy I thought you died? 

Tammy: I think I did.

Phil: Wait I thought she died! 

Tom: I told you she wasn't dead. 

Corina:  Tammy Come here, with us. 

Death: No folks we need her with us. 

Phil: Then Death shows up. What a party! 

God: Yes, Gladice here is Death and she does a damn fine job of it to. Don't you Gladice. He raises his glass to Death 

Death: I try. 

God: You've been with me for what? Two, three generations? 

Death: Going on four, God. 

God: Elected by a body of her peers each time. And she still loves the lot of you.

Death: I do, I truly do. 

God: With birth out of the way, and Death taking care of business. I have so much time on my hands. Thank you Gladice.

Death: No Thank you God. 

Dr. Segal: Sounds reasonable to me. 

Rhon: But can't you stop Death? 

God: Sure, why not. Throw a stick in the spokes of history. Why not? But it's none of my business, now is it. 

Rhon:  What if we found a good reason? 

God:  Ahh a salesman. Great, perfect. Hit me with your best pitch, Mr. Lowman.

Rhon: Can I discuss this with my friends? 

God: Certainly, By all means, take your time. 

God rises from his seat with a grunt and joins Death and Tammy behind the table. The rest go join Phil on the couch 

Rhon: What are we going to say? 

Liz: Tell him Tammy's life was horrible and that she deserves a break. 

Jen: Tell him that we could trade some of Corina's hair for Tammy. Or a leg. What are your legs insured for now Corina? Three, four hundred thousand.

Corina:  Like shut up! 

Rhon: Or maybe we could just bribe death? 

Dr. Segal: Cheat him, lie to him, bribe him. Sure, what the hell, hahaha. The whole shebang. Bring her to her knees in negotiation. Tie her up in litigation. Appeal her rulings then jump bail with our Tammy in hand. Hahahah. 

Liz, Rhon, Zoe Tom: Shut up Segal. 

Jen: To Tom You shut up. 

Tom: To Jen No you shut up. 

Jen:  Why do I hate you so much? 

Tom: Talking through clenched teeth Why must I talk through clenched teeth whenever I talk to you? 

Jen: Why... 

Tom: If only... 

The two of them lean into one another and start kissing 

Phil: Two weeks. Two weeks I planned...

Liz: This is never going to work. 

Rhon: We will have to make this work, figure out some loophole never thought of. 

The group come together heads close like they are making plans hands waving and pointing. Death, God and Tammy seem to be in a deep conversation as well. Pointing to the other group. Lights start to fade as music plays up. 

End Of Act II

Act III 

On one side of the table is God, Tammy and death. God and death standing on either side of Tammy who is sitting in the middle seat.. On the other side Tom, Phil, Liz, Rhon and Corina standing. Jen and Tom have moved to the couch and pawing each other. The TV playing old family 8mm home movies in silent mode.

God:  I see you have a couple of non-players on your side. Gestures at Jen and Tom Never-the-less, we should do this properly. Everyone, this is Death, Gladice. God points as he introduces each one to Death. This is Rhon, Liz, Zoe, and Corina, Phil and Martha. Oh of course you, know Dr. Segal. 

Dr. Segal moves across stage towards Death. He sticks his hand out to shake her hand then pulls it away 

Death: Yes, Dr. Segal, I know your work well. Rhon, a Lovely boy, Liz. Liz there are some pianos in the great beyond that you will simply love. 

Tammy: To Liz Sorry I didn't get to talk to you tonight, but that CD you loaned me is on the cabinet by my bed. You can get it back whenever... 

Liz: Aren't you scared? 

Zoe: Like of course she's scared. I mean, She's like dead.

Corina: I'm not sure I understand all this. 

Dr. Segal: You don't have too, dear. 

Tammy:  Actually, I'm not scared. Death told me about where I am going and everything and it sounds nice. And I did put on clean underwear today so we can take the express route. Anyway, I had a huge Visa Bill. Hehe. So all is good. 

Dr. Segal: Hahahaha Good one. 

Rhon: Coughs into his hand Ummmm. 

God: Yes, yes, our salesman. Gladice, these young people would like to discuss the removal of their friend from this earthly plane. If that would be ok with you.

Death: Checking her wrist watch We really haven't the time. I wish we did. 

Liz: Yelling I don't think its fair you are taking Tammy. 

Zoe: Yeah, Like her life sucked and you're, like taking it away from her early and it's wrong. 

Dr. Segal: Well spoken. 

Zoe: Go to hell. 

Corina: Maybe I could do work or something.

Death: Now, now, my children. 

Rhon: Okay. Let's take this back one step. Calmly, Calmly. Tammy is our life long friend, ok? Everyone nods. And she has had a pretty horrible life. If something could go wrong it would. By far the most unluckiest person I have ever known. It was like watching someone being tortured slowly. There has to be a better way to do this this ending I mean. 

Tammy:  Well, it did have its moments. 

Rhon: But it wasn't that great. I mean, your parents, your living conditions, your poor, poor luck. 

Tammy: You make it sound like I should be happy to be dead. 

God beams a big smile 

God: You're losing your defendant. 

Rhon:  Tammy I don't mean it the way you think. What I mean is you deserve to have a little luck fall your way. A chance to turn it around a second chance. And bottom line Tammy we want you with us. 

Tammy:  I kind of like this dead thing. It's tingly. 

Rhon: Tingly? 

Phil: Why did she have to die at my party though?

Death:  It's that easy isn't it? Someone snaps their fingers and someone is dead. There is no research in this no analysis. My team of professionals... 

Phil: Phhhhh 

Death: Who work very hard. 

Phil: Phhhhhhh 

Death: Very hard to get everything organized. Okay what is it Phil? Is there something you would like to tell us? What is it? 

Phil: Absurd! 

Death: Absurd? 

Phil:  Does no one else find this absurd? 

Death: There is nothing absurd about this, young man. This is a very serious business. Where is he going? 

Phil moves away towards the TV and just stares at it.

Tammy: Listen you guys, I don't know why this happened, well I do it was the Crab, but what I mean is this is bigger than me. More important than all of us. I feel like This means something and what I thought was bad luck or sadness or even loneliness, was teaching me something that I needed to learn. I may not understand all the nuances but I feel like for the first time. What I do matters. If you think about it, I will get to see my mom and dad, right Gladice? Gladice Nods her head yes and to me that's a greater gift than anything I have here right now at this time. 

God: Okay folks, time to jump in for a bit here. What I want to mention is that what you are forgetting is that Tammy does not have a choice. Her life was designed this way for a purpose. It was all to teach her for the moments to come. She was being trained to take over for Death. In time she will have the compassion and the grace to help people cross over. Her training started before she was born. Everything she needed to be was planned out every second in time. Tammy nods like she understands and accepts this idea with a smile.

Rhon: What about free-will. You were pretty hip on that before. 

God: It's all part of a system. Systems do not change at the drop of a hat. Everything has a function to the overall purpose. 

Dr. Segal: Devil's advocate here for a second. You tell us all about you, the almighty, your work. Ect, ect. Then you introduce us to you organizational skills. Aka this free-will deal. What, in effect, is a program set in motion to do your work for you while you were elsewhere. Taking a nap and such. Correct? Right, then you introduce us to Gladice who you inform us, is part of a system as well. You can't believe in two systems of thought. You either believe in free-will or fate. Both can't exist. And, whoa is it just me or are there some things here that no longer make any sense?

God: This is getting out of hand. I know I made the rules, but I made them a long time ago and now I cannot recall the sensibility behind them all right now. Searching his pockets 

Rhon: You're contradicting yourself now. 

Dr. Segal:  Now I was never a lawyer but I did go out for Law school before I became a doctor and I must say that... 

God: Giving a stern look finger up Tammy serves a better purpose dead than alive. 

Dr. Segal, Rhon, Liz, Zoe, Corina, Thom, all at once, after a slight pause, say But, Then fire questions fast then they pair of slowly mock talking to each other 

Rhon: An infinite universe. Indeed, But what if is flat? And what if something created it which we can't even fathom. Something outside of cumulative reality than the God we know? Of even stranger what if we are just senescence stuck on an event horizon. On the edge of a Black hole? Existing only for a nano-second, but time being relative we exist for trillions of years before our reality is destroyed by another dimension. An mathematical nominally. Mistake by happenstance. 

Steps aside 

Liz: There is so much beauty in the world. But there is so much hatred and violence. How can I believe or not believe? 

Zoe:  Do we need to know?

Corina: If there is a god, and I’m a saying if, what will it think of us? We inject plastics into ourselves, we pierce our bodies and we plaster them with ink. We shave off bits here, suck out fat there. We don't consider ourselves or others in eight out of ten actions. Or we don't care. I can't believe because too many of us don't seem to care. 

Tom: From the couch, unattached himself from Jen For the moment my belief is strong. 

Jen: My will is strong. 

Phil:  I believe. How could I not. But it's like my party. God created this thing, this world, these existences, and then everyone ruined it on him. 

God: Stop! Silence! 

Lights strumming in the background all actors go to speak but find they cannot, they open and close their mouths like fish on land, god does circles at the centre of the stage like he's in deep thought and concern

God: I came here with the idea of teaching, showing people the problems which exist and possible solutions. And, again, to prove some things to myself. I mean, I had that Job fellow awhile ago, but what did that prove? You need to keep testing and testing and testing till you find a weak spot. The spots where the light gets in and you patch them up. You make them stronger. You make them better. Thicker, Darker, more resilient. But I wasn't expecting all these questions. Or all these people with all these problems. All self-centred, petty little people have confused me. I mean, what am I supposed to do with them? What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to say?

Lights have a soft dim not full, spot light on God, he walks to the front of the stage puts his hands to cover his eyebrows to look out to the audience, to stop the glare. 

God: Rhon, Rhon Grenon. Are you out there? 

Out in the audience is the director of the play Rhon Grenon. On each side of hims is an AD cute with pens in her hair and a clipboard. On the other is a model like woman Possible Girlfriend. Super classy, snobbish air about her. 

Rhon: Right here God. 

Rhon the actor on the stage pipes up and God turns around to answer him then turns back into the light searching the audience.

God: Not you, you fool. You're not even real. 

Phil: What does he mean you're not real? You've come here and really ruined my party. You've drank my wine, filled yourself with my Doritos. 

Rhon: Yeah, I ate his Doritos. I'm real. 

God:  SHHHH! None of you are real. Rhon I know you're out there! 

Rhon G: Yes God what's up? Stands up 

God: What is going on here Rhon? Apparently I am God And have ultimate control over the universe. Right? I don't get it, where were you going with this?

Rhon G: I was trying to show ideals and obedience with conformity and such do not necessary guarantee a good life. Or a good afterlife, whatever the case may be. 

Rhon: Who are you? 

All the cast walks to the front of the stage, stay in character, they stand beside God. Do what you thin your character would do but silently 

Rhon G: I'm you but real. Look forget it. 

Rhon: He's telling me to forget it. Gestures to the other actors Forget it, he's me, But real. No problem, right, Rhon No problem. 

Rhon G and God: Please be quiet. Timing Is very important here they must say it together perfectly 

God:  Rhon, what are you going to do about this play? It has seemed that it has spiralled out of control. 

Rhon G: Well, I had a god handle on what was going on until people started shouting at one another. But that was all planned, in away, as it was, but now…

Jen removers herself from Tom walks to the forefront to face Rhon G.

Jen: So, You're God? This is our friend Rhon, And this guy here points to the Rhon G is the real Rhon who created us all and, of course, we are all just characters in a play? Well, then none of this would matter... That's it I'm leaving, are you coming Tom. 

Tom: I, I don't think so Jen. No, Not this time. 

Jen: Looking angry Fine! Have it your way. I'm sick of you and this dumb group anyway. And just so you know I'm glad this is over. I wanted to end it a long time ago Tom. So screw you! 

Jen runs to the front of the stage jumps of and storms of through the audience and out the back door 

Rhon G: Calm down everyone. It's okay. She can go. I wrote that scene in to get her to leave. I wasn't a big fan of her character anyway. I think I wrote her to pushy. That's why she gets hit by a car now. 

From the back of the theatre doors open, you hear the long screeching of tires and a hard body thump. Hit by car, Out back have a team of make -up artist ready to bandage her hun give her bruising and deep wounds. 

Tom: WHAT?? NOOO, NOT JEN!! Runs after her in hysterical After Tom leaves out the back 

Rhon G: See, now he's all distraught and horrified. Now he has real emotions. Now he feels.

God: Is that what this is all about then? 

Zoe: Okay. Like, what was that? I'm bored and confused and freaked right out and I have things to do tomorrow, I wanna leave too. 

Rhon G: No, Zoe you still have a love interest. And what is this all about? This is all about Said quickly The conceptual reality within the confines of a subversive universe, will only express the complex level of benevolence that a higher manifestation of God Transfers. But we colour our realities in deep conjecture of patronizing subtle passions. I created you, God, with a reality which transgresses all boundaries. There is no logical process or grounds of functionality that readies the mind in a state of perpetual grandeur. With willingness to explore we touch the spiritual bond of life and we express as well as experience the differences that enumerate the belief of something bigger than we are. 

God: Uh-huh. 

Pause 

Zoe: Like really, A love interest? For real? Okay I'll stay. 

She sits on the edge of the stage looks out pick a cute none actor in audience and flirt with the person. Try to convince him/ her to come and chat and eventually on stage. At this point the food crew will start to move food in slowly and quietly on the side of the audience 

Rhon: It wouldn't actually be for real though would it? If we are just actors and all in a play?

Rhon G: Don't get bitter now Rhon, whos to say what is real and what instinct. How do you know if I'm just and actor playing a part in a bigger play or reality. It could be endless. 

Rhon:  I have my own mind. I am real. 

Rhon G: I can prove you're not. 

God:  Here we go. 

Rhon: Okay, Go ahead. 

Rhon G: Think of a Number between zero and one hundred. 

Rhon: Okay got it. 

Rhon G: Forty-two 

Rhon: Uh-uh... No. uh. 

Rhon G: Yes it was. 

Rhon:  Clenching his teeth as he says it Fine it was! 

Rhon G: Go sit down big boy. 

Rhon G and Rhon Sit down at the same time in the same pose.

Rhon G: Carry on with the play now. We'll talk , After the show. 

*** Ref. 58 PG 

God: Wait. So if you created me then I am not god? 

Rhon G: That's not true at all. God is the ultimate power in the universe according to some. I can't Create God. Only God Can create God if God even exists. Which I can't prove... or disprove. I just wanted to challenge people's thinking. That's all. People are so damn set in there ways sometimes. I mean, don't people want to see different things? Different views? Visit a concept they never experienced before? Life is about experience and all the times we can see things differently, added to a whole of who we become. 

Zoe should at this point should have dragged someone up to stage to come and get food. Other audience plants should be making there way up trying to bring someone with them 

God: So I am God. 

Rhon G:  Yes 

Phil:  I want you to know mister, whoever you are. Pointing to Rhon G in the audience That I know who I am and I am not a character in a play. I am a man who spent a great deal of time putting together a party which has been, for all intensive purposes. The cast Laughs at him I have parents and a pet, and a woman here who... more laughter What are you guys laughing at?

Rhon G: Look Phil. None of this, is in the play. Now I put a lot of time into this play and would really appreciate it if you would, you know, follow the script. 

Phil Stares out into the audience. The light goes to his eyes as god turns back to the party. Phil stares for a moment then turns around and sits back down at the table. With his head in his hands he yells 

Phil: LINE! 

Guy with a cue-card steps out from the side and shows it to Phil so the audience can see it 

Cue-card guy: So you are the creator of the universe then. And this is all a joke.

Phil: In a tired and defeated voice So you are the creator of the universe, God. And all this is an elaborate joke and laughs hard and long But me, I've been planning this party for weeks now and nobody seems to care. 

God: No Phil It's all real. You've done a great job. But I think that maybe this is what I've worried about all this time. I guess the world is doing ok and As the side tables of food and drink get placed food crew get slightly louder, not as careful. Talking saying is it ready improve at this point. Ask people closest if they want a drink or a bit to come and get it. Actors on stage will have to compensate at this point that people do look out for one another every so often and that in the long run will all do fine. Right Rhon? 

Rhon: What's this God?

God:  Not you. Quiet voice Rhon. Rhon Grenon. I'm a little worried. I'm a little scared how does this all end? 

Silence from the audience 

God: Softly Mr. G? How does this all end? The party. 

Rhon G: Louder God, we can't hear you! 

God: How does this all end? 

God pauses no one says anything, makes his way slowly with Tammy and Death. They all leave out the front door 

Phil: What was that? 

Rhon: Huh? 

Liz: Where were we? 

Zoe: What was that? 

Dr. Segal:  We have just witnessed something miraculous. 

Rhon: What was it? 

Liz: Yes, what ?

Phil: It's a pretty good party, isn't it? 

Rhon: I've had a blast. 

Liz: Are we purposefully not talking about God being here? 

Phil:  Who? 

Rhon:  Who? 

Zoe:  Who? 

Dr. Segal: Who? 

Liz: Okay. Who? 

Phil: Much better. Welcome to my party. There are more people to come, I welcome you all with open arms. I think. We'll just wait and see what happens next.

Party Continues this will grow from page 58 any free hands will join on stage at this point and help pull friends and family up or to tables on the side lights will finally rise full in the audience. But will happen slowly from page 58. so subtle you cant notice it should take about 7 minutes till full. All Chartres even ones that left will come back and join in the fun. Make small talk, engage people full talking now, normal voice. Some will dance and lots of laughter. Create a real party. The goal is to make an amazing transition into real life., the goal is to have no one clap no ending to the play. All behind the scene crews will join now eat, talk about the play enjoy the success of what has happened and let go of the reality that has been created. If we do this right we will blur the lines and will give the audience an experience of a lifetime. Thank you for all your hard work and bask in the wonderful thing you have created 

One last thing as the music plays God will read “New.” As long as he wants. A key style writing that challenges the way you think. Join the party when the timing is right for you 

God: It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Or maybe it's just dumb luck, and being stupid with the choices we make that end up breaking the continuity necessary to find that one willing to work as hard as you do to make love last... 

Is that the meaning of existence? 

Do you think I can see your soul?

Do we choose what to forget? 

Are you the answer to the question I have asked all my life? 

Forgotten along the way no place is safe for us to lay our weary head. Two hearts beating. Is this all we know? I tell you now we are not ready for the truth. As far as I can tell we hide from what is offered all around us. Every part of the world is angry at what is to come. But high with our heads in the sand as a fee is paid to crazy... Raise the Goddamn alarm, both middle fingers raising to the sky. One question we haven't been able to answer yet is how do we break the chains of capitalistic greed? Enslaving all that buy into a system of empty promises and high hopes. Since when do we allow corporations to decide in the matters of love, freedom, free-will, ideas, health, science, passions, morals, values, environment and life? A marketing wet dream of sheeple walking doe eyed into the grinder. Homogenized pale realities swallowing one red pill at a time. Laughing the whole way loudly, blinders on, crying inside, screaming for sweet release. How can I explain the infinite to you if we can't grasp the lack of survival we seem to adapted to without a touch of nature. 

Feather touches the mind of entropy, brushing utopia around the corner. Ideas and ideals brought forth by constant thoughts hell bent on saving humanity. As the masses fight tooth and nail to destroy all that we know. A collective autistic nature, allowing institutions to lead us down a path of paranoia and greed. Selling phantom pocket ringtones, created in the cerebral cortex a basic animal instinct to be sold bought controlled keeping us further from our true self. Keeping us yearning for connection, even if its forgotten in the depths of time. Warning signs of cold nights to keeps us safe and alive. Are we getting better generation after generation? Right now we seem to collectively want a reset but don't know how to accomplish this task. A hard reboot. But the system has grown past anyone's self control. We hope that religion will guide us to the next time. Laughing that this is the start of the road to ruin. Fulfilling the prophecy that we decided long ago that we do not want to be here any longer. 

How is it possible that the masses have decided this delusional state of mind? Willing to challenge life itself to its very core. Does cancer know of its existence? Manipulation of idol passive conquests. Steer us into non-reality voids. Painting colour apon colour. As our perception gives way to chaos. Disintegrating terror gives us hope that we are not sheep that we really are. Safety in anxiety of a world gone mad, we have watch all empires fall.

Wheels grinding , screeching and folding as humanity is perforated into bite size portions. Fed miss-information, lies and miss-steps. Taking us to the brink of loss. 

Two minutes to twelve... 

Extinction grows closer… 

Pockets of us see a clear path a picture if you will. How to wake us up to survive. Answering questions on how to build on what has been destroyed. The more we hold on to our own reality and try to control it. The more we lose control of the awesome nature that life it self has to offer. We have to start to understand our nature. The will to feel what is real all around us. Seeking those moments of clarity wrapped in a soft blanket and a warm hot chocolate. Mother is coming folks. She is waking up. She will set us straight once again. On a paths of balance one way or another she will show us what her truest self is. Holding our hand like impetuous children we are. Time out, nose in the corner, looking over our shoulder waiting for the punishment to end. But my dear reader/ listener. I paint an easy picture in your head. If we pick our fight now... 

If we wait. We will see the witch rise and all hell will break loose. A wash of fury that not one human in the existence of humanity has ever seen. It will be a cleansing like no other. There will be no record to keep. Now idols to worship. Not one person will be safe. Some may survive, some may even grow. But not like now. Time will have wiped the memories clean. You know I'm right. Think about it my friend. Inside you is the actual light of the universe longing to know itself. 

It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. I once heard, dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. In that vision of truth. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. My passion for you encompasses all. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Passions remembered. Never giving up, never willing to fall. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. I once heard. Dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. As monsters run wild inside of me. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. I can feel your soul. In that vision of truth. But the question is. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multiverse, My passion for you encompasses all. And all possibilities are real. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. Passions remembered. And that is to hold on to hope. Never giving up, never willing to fail. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. We are the grandest illusion ever created. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. Stepped in, time is up, here we go! Feel the wind on your face, the sun in your eyes. Blue all around you. Paradise found. 

[jojosthetic-boogaloo]

@marysuepatrol says: Hi! I’m sending this in as a submission for length’s sake, don’t want to annoy you by sending in a ton of asks! Anyways, if it’s not too much to ask, may I please get a moodboard matchup from parts 1-5? (they’re so pretty omfg)

I’m a bi 5'2 Asian girl, and I’m an ENTP. I love taking care of plants and cats, along with most other animals! I’m a pretty bold person with something of a sense of justice, and I’m never afraid to speak up against stuff I don’t agree with. I have some trust issues due to a formerly emotionally abusive relationship, mostly relationship-wise and not friendship wise. I’m pretty witty, and I’m a huge believer in fate and supernatural stuff, like fortune telling and the occult. I like reading, drawing and writing! I find world culture very fascinating, especially the languages and music, and I’d love to travel the world one day! I love learning new things, and I really like going to libraries (especially older ones!) on a nice afternoon, especially with my s/o! Usually, I’m pretty laid back and a friendly person in general. I like to tell jokes/bad puns with people I’m really close to, and I love giving to people/helping them out! With a s/o, I’m more attracted to smart people and people who have more life experience than me tbh, since I’d also want someone who can guide me in a relationship!

That was sorta long, but thank you so much!! Please take your time on these matchups, I know they take a while sometimes but you’re doing great! <3

Hi Mary sweetheart!!! I’ll smooch your entire face you’re adorable as heck sashdhf <3 Now before I get rambly and spend this entire matchup just saying how much i love you and thank you, let’s get to the juice. 

Your matchup! You do realize that you’re giving me here a type that I could not pass over, right? The moment I got midway your request I knew exactly who to match you up with. When I finished reading, I also decided to add in a small brochup, for the sake of being soft. So, here ya go! Double the jojo double the fun!

Translation: “It must have been fate, but I’m thankful we met, bella.”

Risotto Nero!

You met because Risotto had to leave the office for something to snack on since the gang had eaten almost everything there was in there. He was terribly hungry, terribly tired and terribly irritated, but he still kept his usual neutral expression.

As he walks, he makes his way to the nearest convenience store, that currently has a construction team working on a platform to fix the building right next to it. When he’d crossed below the platform, you happened to be about to enter the store too, looking at him from a distance due to his peculiar appearance and telling him with a raised eyebrow and half a smile in a friendly tone “That’ll be bad luck for ya, sir.”. He finds your remark amusing and retorts with “I could be back luck for them, miss.” You laughed it off as a casual tough guy comeback, though, you did not know he was serious about it.

Since he barely ever makes the effort to speak to others, he decides to let the conversation be done with as soon as you both enter the store, each making your way and giving a small departing nod to each other as you leave for different aisles.

After a while walking though the aisles and grabbing your items, you notice a common thought cross your mind. “I haven’t crossed him once yet.” And it slightly saddened you. You thought of this as a simple after effect reaction to having interacted with a handsome (and kinda scary) man that gave you three seconds of his day and exchanged some words with you. It had been a notable experience in your day and your brain was just giving it some spotlight, no big deal.

To your pleasant surprise, you notice him step before you into one of the checkup lines, and decide to go to the same one just to try and get the chance to even say a simple goodbye after checkup. When it’s his time to pay, you hear him let out a confused and quite irritated “hah?” for he did not find neither money nor his credit card in his wallet. Formaggio must had taken it without permission; again. All for his stupid gambling habits.

As he clenched his perfectly sharp and strong jaw (you couldn’t help but note this, the man was quite a sight), not knowing how to react; you stepped in tapping him on the back, smiling at him confidently when he turned and announcing to the cashier you’d pay for his items. He was only purchasing a beer and some chips, what harm could it do to your wallet.

He’s indebted to you now, Risotto instantly thought. That’s how it worked in his mind. If he ever gets something from someone, it must not be left as a good action, there has to be some interest behind it. Yet, when he could not pinpoint the reason you’d want him to pay you back for anything, he simply decided on paying it back to you because you seemed just genuinely nice and not mean spirited in the slightest. Just a regular, nice civilian. 

He offers to invite you to some coffee next time you meet as thanks and offers you his number, which you take in gleefully. You didn’t even have to ask and you got this hell of a man’s phone number? Today was worthy of being noted in your calendar. After exchanging numbers, he gives you a nod and the slightest, smallest hint of a cordial smile and leaves his own way, leaving you wondering if you’d just seen the slight hint of a dimple form on his overall solemn looking face.

You sent him a text informing him it’s you, the convenience store girl. He replies with a “Ok” which throws you a bit off balance. He can’t help it, he’s bad with words and even worse with texts. “Is your schedule open on Friday afternoon?” He follows up, making you smile due to his unnecessary formal tone. “For coffee, I mean.” He quickly adds, which makes you giggle. He’s endearingly awkward and stupidly formal, that was interesting, you were curious.

When you meet for coffee that wonderfully awaited Friday, you almost fall off the chair when you see him dressed in what, usually, you’d call casual clothes (because let’s be honest, what he wore to the convenience store made him look like a bdsm gester, not that you minded though). The perfect fit of his V neck white shirt and the lack of his hat made you swallow, quickly composing yourself and placing your hands on your lap under the table. “Hi, you look…” He started, seemingly struggling to find his words as he slid the chair back and sat before you. “Positively beautiful, Y/N.” You felt a knot in your throat when this handsome, intense looking man told you that, giving him a nervous giggle and a smile, looking him in the eye after much effort and adding an almost too quiet. “You too, Risotto.”

He’s the silent listener type, he nods at your statements and gives you the occasional “yes” or “mhm”. You did not expect him to actually end up asking after you mentioned you liked books. “What type of books?” He asked, a curious, most endearing smile on his face while he stirred his coffee in the big black mug he’d ordered. You took a sip off yours and after organizing your thoughts, you told him. When you mentioned you’d love to go to an old library to spend the afternoon, he immediately told you he’d be glad to join you. What a shame he didn’t let you finish the sentence with a “-with my future significant other, that’d be a wonderful date.” You didn’t dare utter those words now, having a rotund “yes” already from the man.

You go to a fancy, old Italian library next weekend (after admittedly sneaking out of the office and leaving Prosciutto in charge for the afternoon). He tells you about his favorite reads, recommending you some books while you quietly admire him from the side and give him the occasional nod and smile when he catches up on you being silent for longer than expected, fearing you’d grown bored of his rambling.

As the afternoon goes by, you stop by at the romantic-drama aisle. The big round glass windows letting the golden hour sun sip through and clash against his herculean features, which you couldn’t help but stare at. Seeing him standing there, the way he calmly stood there with such a mature look in his face whilst skimming through a book he’d surely have read before already… it was silly, but it made your heart thump gingerly on your chest.

He catches you staring, scoffing quite embarrassed thinking its because you think he’s weird looking. After clearing his throat and placing the book back in the bookcase, he turns to you and gives you an intense stare whilst crossing his arms over his chest. Oh god, he was well trained as well. Just by looking at his biceps you felt he’d be able to snap you in half without any problem if he so desired to.

“Yes, I do know I look scary, but I’ve no intention to harm-” you cut him off with something he did not expect to hear. “No, Nero, I just think you’re someone I could look at for hours and never get tired.” You blurted out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear and looking down when you thought back on what you’d just told him. 

Before you could apologize, you rose your gaze and noticed he’d just taken his eyes off you and cast them back to the books on his side, the slightest shade of red decorating his cheeks now as he visibly bit the inside of his cheek, clueless on how to react properly to your remark. Sure, he had the emotional intelligence and the self awareness of a log, but even he knew that wasn’t meant as a casual compliment.

“…Anyways, I think you’d like this one.” He kept going, as if nothing happened, which made you smile tenderly at him. You gave him a nod and kept browsing books with him until it got dark. He silently assigned himself to escort you back home, with his hands on his pockets while you occasionally commented on the weather or on the books you’d taken notes off that he mentioned.

One day, you met up to chat about a book he’d lent you, his favorite. You mentioned you liked it, but that you’d like to try something that dealt with more obscure themes, like the occult or the supernatural. He gave you an amused smile, thinking of your taste as interesting and kind of cute. He lent you the perfect book for your request, which you read in record time and spammed his text messages with commentary about it’s ending almost immediately, amusing him through his sleepless working night. Honestly, late working nights had taken a different turn ever since he’d met you, with your occasional messages and even more rare calls. He worried if you got enough sleep, but still, greatly appreciated your figurative company.

One of those late night messaging sessions, you decided to take your relationship a small step forward, aside from talking about books and going for coffee or to the library, you wanted to share a meaningful experience with him. And you’d just gotten a perfect Ad for the situation on your social media. 

“Riz, u up?” You began, smiling mischievously for you knew he’d look at his phone with a raised eyebrow when he read your text. “Did you just shorten my name to address me?” He replied, almost immediately, which caught you a bit off guard. It was 2 am after all. “Yes, ur up. Anyways, could you come with me tmrrow to a special event? I really want to go, but none of my friends are interested and I really need someone I can trust to go with” He’d seen it, he stayed in the chat, but he took slightly longer to reply than usual, he was surely thinking about what you meant with “special event”. “…” He started, earning a quiet victory gesture from you on your end. “You trust me?” Your face fell into a pout. How did just three words from him make you feel so bad all of a sudden? You felt like giving him a hug honestly, but sadly, your relationship hadn’t gotten so far, yet. “I think I established that, yes.” You typed down, and after three painful minutes of wait, he came back with a quick, simple answer. “Hour and location, I’ll be there.” After a short pause, he followed the message up with another. “But, if I may ask, what is the event about?” You smiled, feeling your heartbeat chirp away in your chest upon such a quick, assertive and formal response. “A fortune teller is in town and I really want to get my future read.” You almost added “with you”, but refrained. Quickly beaming a bright smile at your phone at his reply. “Alright, sounds good.”

At the reading, the fortune teller tells you she sees a tall, handsome man coming into your life in an unexpected turn of events and invading your mind with thoughts of him. Eventually invading your heart as well. She gives a side glance to Risotto and then back to you, then back to the cards. “Maybe this has already happened or is about to.”  

You shift in your seat awkwardly and let out a nervous laugh. “Is there anything else about it?” The lady looks back down once more and flips the three remaining cards, a wide smile on her lips as she gives you both a nod. “I see wealth, happiness and great amounts of love in this reading. You’ll enjoy your lover’s input in your life greatly, long-term. Here, it shows just how intensely they care and nurture you with their knowledge and feelings.” Risotto was looking intently at the fortune teller, and you did not know how to react to this, placing your hands tightly in fists on your lap. “That’s wonderful… Thank you miss, now we better be-” She cuts you off and points at Risotto. “I believe I’ve got a reading for this man too, don’t worry, for the price of only your reading.”

You sit back down, patting your thighs nervously while the woman mixes the tarot cards once more. Risotto chooses his cards and the woman begins flipping them. “I see you’re a man who’s suffered a great deal, this is what your past tells me. Immense amounts of pain, of loss and of uncertainty. You did in fact feel a sense of emptiness and unfullfillment in you, until recently.” She stopped. A knowing smile on her face when she flipped the present cards. “Your present tells me there’s been a femenine figure in your life that has completely bewitched you. She’s managed to carve her presence into your heart and you let her do it willingly. Could it be an innocent crush? Or maybe it’s something deeper?” After hoovering her hands over the cards and closing her eyes for a moment, she clicked her tongue with a mischievous smile on her face. “Yes, you’re completely enthralled. You even often dream about this woman, and it’s not always as innocently as you present it in your heart to be.” 

Risotto coughs and looks to the side, you notice he’s nervously playing with his fingers, then he looks back at the woman. Flipping his last cards, she chuckles and claps her hands. “This is a wonderful future ahead of you mister! Nothing but a bright light that you so desperately needed in your life is what occupies your future reading.” She paused, caressing one of the cards with her finger and nodding. “I see a determining turn in your feelings, taking a solid form somewhere soon. During some type of trip maybe? Is it just a date? Or is it you’re going somewhere together?” She questioned for herself, then looked back at you both. “At any rate, I’m very happy for you both.”

You shook your head while waving your hands in front of her, dismissive. “No! It’s not like that! We’re just… friends.” You felt hurt just by uttering the word. And, by what you saw out of the corner of your eye, so was Risotto, who looked at you and back at the fortune teller with a rare, saddened and tense look on his face. “I…” he started, swallowing before getting up from his seat and giving the fortune teller a nod and her money. “I do hope your readings are correct, miss.” He finished in a quiet tone, turning around without looking at you with a slight blush on his cheeks. 

Before he exited the room, the lady spoke once more, shuffling the cards back into the deck once more. “You really do feel for the woman in question, do you not, child?” He stopped in his tracks, not turning around and looking down on the floor. After what felt like forever for you, and feeling your heartbeat on your throat, you heard him mutter. “I do.” Then he left. Why was he so dramatic?! 

You were about to run after him when the lady directed her speech to you once more. “Miss.” She started, tucking the deck back into a very pretty, fancy looking box. “Cherish him, he’s damaged goods and I get a hunch you are too. He’s risking breaking again just to get to you.” 

You gave her an enthusiastic nod and a smile as you ran out to chase after him. “I will, thanks!” You replied after crossing the curtain and stepping outside once more, noticing the subject of your affection standing quite noticeably (why is he so tall??) next to the bus stop’s post, letting the bus leave without him. He was waiting for you even though his embarrassment.

“Riz!” You exclaimed, waving your hand at him and smiling awkwardly as you walked close to him, ending up almost touching his arm with yours when you caught up. He gave you a small smile, and this time you did notice the dimple that formed on his face. Not helping it, you giggled and pointed it out. “You get dimples when you smile, that’s an adorable contrast to your serious look.” He coughed whilst covering his mouth with his fist and pretended to look at the timetable once more. “Don’t say that.” He muttered, and you felt your lips turn down into a confused pout. “Why not?”

He turned to look at you, raising his arm and hoovering his index and middle finger over your lips, not touching but almost, feeling the warmth from them seep into your lower lip. “Because I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it as well next time. And I want to keep being your…” He dragged off, letting the sentence die down in his throat as he stared down at you with half lidded eyes, thinking about something and noticing how his mouth curved slightly down.

You slowly rose your hand and grabbed his wrist, guiding his hand and letting it rest flat on your cheek instead, tilting your head and nuzzling into the touch of his hand. “Riz.” You prodded him, giving him a gentle smile. You swallowed trying to disguise the huge ball of nerves you were right there, with his hand on your face as you’d dreamed all those late nights where you texted and wanted to have him there instead. After a deep breath, you closed your eyes and gave the hand on your face a gentle press against it. “I’m in love with you, I think.” You finally confessed.

Not having the time to even open your eyes, you felt your body lift off the ground, being prompted into strong arms and instinctively wrapping your arms into this person’s neck. As you were being held bridal style in the most stupidly romantic scenario, the sunset bathing both your figures and the delightful summer breeze blowing away your worries, you felt a pair of plump lips press against yours, gently, clearly filled with sentiment but still keeping the sensation as sweet.

You stared at him through half lidded eyes and finally, kissed him back, which earned a pleased grunt on his part and a small tug on your bottom lip. Then he broke off the kiss, seemingly coming back to his senses. Quickly, he dropped you off (careful not to hurt you and placing you with practiced gentleness on the ground), his expression apologetic and extremely distressed, not knowing where to place his hands. 

“Y/N I’m, I’m so immensely sorry, I didn’t mean to- Well I did but I didn’t- I don’t know if I should-” He was stuttering, he didn’t know what to say and was sincerely panicking over the simple thought of you not ever wanting to see him again, or worse, you disliking him. You gave him a small smile, pressing two fingers to your lower lip whilst relishing the sensation to yourself. When you looked back at him, he seemed to be weirdly quiet, staring at your gesture, confused. “Risotto.” You began, tentatively stretching your arm and gently touching his hand with yours with the purpose of holding his in yours. When you did, you felt him take a sharp breath in, looking at you, expectant. “…Then does this mean it was okay to-” He got cut off by himself when he shut his mouth tight after seeing you rise his hand in yours to your lips and giving it a loving kiss. 

“Risotto, please do that as many more times as you’d like. I loved it.” 

The man was over the moon, prompting you into his arms once more, this time holding you by your hips and placing another tender kiss on you, a small triumphant smile lingering on his lips.

When dating, he’d love to laze around his or your place on a couch or in bed, watching horror movies or having you rest on his lap while you let him play with your hair and hum a soft tune. He’ll only do this when you’re alone though, he won’t appear so vulnerable and soft in front of anyone else.

For your birthday, expect him to always gift you the same things. A new tiny plant, a book of his choice and an item that caters to your obscure tastes. Will it be a tarot deck, a creepy doll, an amulet this time? Who knows, only Nero knows.

He knows you love cats, so eventually, he’ll surprise you with a cute big box on Christmas, when you open it, you did not expect the tiniest, cutest kitten to be inside of it. As soon as it saw you both and meowed, you threw yourself into Risotto’s arms and showered him in kisses, which he couldn’t help but chuckle about and hold you tight so you wouldn’t fall from your monkey hug.

“See? I got her a tabby, so you can’t joke about it being bad luck.”

You just love so much this man what did you do to deserve him. 

He actually really likes to cook when he’s got the time to! So get ready for nice fancy dinner nights when you get to meet after work or on weekends!

He’s surprisingly really cuddly once you’re behind closed doors, and, well, if you suggest it, a little bit more than cuddly too.

When one summer he comes back home announcing he got a slight raise in his pay, you can’t do anything but jump from the sofa and run at him for a hug, which he takes advantage of and sweeps you off your feet, giving you a welcome kiss instead and, once you’re back down in the floor, he takes an envelope from his back pocket and gives it to you. The amount of love and pampering the Italian got that night was memorable when you noticed the contents of the envelope were plane tickets to that place you always so dearly wanted to visit.

He’ll read to you in a quiet, murmuring voice when you can’t sleep at night, having you rest against his chest or his side as he lets his reading glasses rest on the tip of his nose, which you laugh about sometimes, but he shushes you with a kiss on your forehead or the tip of your nose telling you to “quiet down and hurry sleep”.

He won’t get your bad puns at first, he’s dense like that. But, eventually, you’ll hear him let out bad puns as well when you’re at home, or whispered into your ear as you wait in line in public. You’d let out a pun and he’d look you dead into your eyes and after cracking half a smile he’ll reply with “That, wasn’t very punny of you, my dear.” Please laugh he looks so happy with his progress he’s aching for your bad pun validation.

Bruno Buccellati!

Bruno just really likes how you have this kind, easygoing nature to yourself, yet never quiet down if you want to speak out about something. Strong and kind, he thought of you very highly!

He does feel quite the scare when you mention your rather unconventional likings, but he can’t help but listen with a tender expression on his face. He can’t help it! You look so happy talking about it he just feels bound to listening.

Bruno will be very nurturing towards you. He’ll surprise you with gifts now and then. Need new art supplies? He’s got you. New books to read? He’ll take you shopping for one. Just need a hug and someone to talk with? He’ll be at your door in negative seconds. 

He gives you very good advise with your plants! He didn’t look it, but he’d read enough books about tending to plants to know his stuff when he told you.

He really likes cuddles, he lives for it. Be it after a long day at work, after an entire day in the house, a date day, even out in public, he won’t mind the stares and he’ll hold you close into a hug from behind, resting his chin on your head.

Will absolutely never let you eat takeout if his life depends on it. You either eat his home-cooking or yours, but if you do anything else, perish. (Not perish, he’d rather die for you instead but like, you get it.)

Sometimes you’ll help him out with his work by sitting next to him on his desk, and he’ll thank you with a smile, a sweet kiss and a promise of a nice dinner date. He’ll do the same for you when he’s free from his work! Though he’ll be the one to thank you for letting him help you, sitting you on his lap and spending the rest of the day into each other’s arms.

Brochup: Prosciutto!

Being his boss’s significant other, he’s bound to interact with you more often than usual. Be it him bringing you flowers or breakfast at his boss’s request or just dropping by to take some papers from the apartment, Prosciutto had gradually opened up to you. Even so much as sometimes excusing himself with a false “Risotto told me to fetch something” and spend some time at your place, sitting on the sofa with you while he rambles about his tedious work and you offer him some snacks as consolation.

He really likes you, he finds you sincere, strong and posed. He admires that on a person, and is very happy his superior had found such a partner for himself. Even sometimes, he found himself wondering what it would be like if he were the one in a relationship like yours. He held your relationship as his ideal in the romantic spectrum.

Though not a big fan of occultism, he could get behind you liking supernatural stuff. He even mentioned once he enjoyed reading about cryptid creatures online on his spare time, it was interesting, for him at least. 

You opened a whole new world to him; writing. He’d never in his life had written anything for pleasure. And there you were, telling him he could write down anything he thought about into a document on his laptop or a notebook and it would be wonderful. Not long after, he’d bring you his drafts for you to read through. You noticed he had a liking for writing poetry and short descriptive stories about his surroundings, experiences and feelings. You realized he was a very deep person, and when you pointed it out, he blushed and snatched the text from you, muttering an embarrassed “thank you”. He wasn’t good with compliments.

[gascon-en-exil]

Mercilessly Judging the Men of Jugdral: Part 3

Part 1: FE4 Gen 1

Part 2: FE4 Gen 2

Last and least (least filled-out on average, anyway) there are the men of Thracia 776. Unlike the epic breeding fest that is its predecessor, FE5, like the Archanea games before it or FE6 after, pads out its roster with filler recruits devoid of any character beyond a portrait and a line or two of dialogue. As such I have no choice but to keep this post to a filthy highlights reel of Thracia’s men. Playables not included here may be assumed to be like those guys you skim past all the time because there’s nothing eye-catching or memorable about them; given enough alcohol you may end up messaging some of them and maybe even come away with some photos of varying quality, but men who make such little effort to express themselves can’t possibly expect to leave much of an impression…or to get laid with any regularity.

(Also note that, as mentioned previously, characters who are playable in FE4 as well don’t get an additional entry here. As such we may enjoy the fitting irony of Leif not getting a profile in the post for his own game.)

Rash and impulsive, he’s quick to indicate interest in any guy he finds hot - generally with dick pics - but just as quick to stop responding once he’s finished jerking off or, more rarely, is actually successful in securing a hookup. Never remembers to bring condoms or lube, but it’s not much of an issue for him since he’s happy with trading handjobs and getting sucked off. He’s tried giving head and even anal whenever he happens to meet a guy prepared for a full encounter, but anyone who takes longer to cum than he does frustrates him and makes it tough for him to keep up the pace. Not looking for anything beyond quickies since he’s already got a reliable FWB or two and he’s some years off from having the dedication for a serious relationship. He’s got a soft spot for twinks and might eventually date a nice one once he’s matured a bit, but since they tend to make him uncomfortable in person this currently only manifests in his preferred porn tags.

Is used to being “the average guy” in his group of friends and, to his credit, has probably stopped a few drunken benders from turning criminal and/or lethal. As such he’s not very accustomed to having guys hit on him, but he’ll surprise everyone by immediately going after anyone who expresses a passing interest. Whether that reads as assertive or desperate will vary on the person, but any guy looking for a steady boyfriend with some bulk - a little less glam and a little more pudge if he’s being honest, but then he’s not one for sugarcoating - won’t be disappointed. An experienced top with enough stamina to go for multiple rounds and enough flexibility and cushion on the back end to take a turn bottoming if so desired. He’ll be often overlooked like so many of the other guys in Thracia, but his friends are just crazy enough to keep him from looking too boring.

Unusually involved for a late-in-life gay, he can always be relied upon to be organizing something within the community, whether it’s an amateur sports team for his favorite bar or a drag show for charity. He’s more likely to meet guys at such events than he is on hookup apps, though he does put in a token appearance on all the ones friendly to more hirsute men. Doesn’t have a problem with femme guys but isn’t likely to get naked with them either, and if he finds his (second) better half it’ll most likely be with a good-natured cub. The Bear flag hangs prominently in at least one of his offered selfies, which also include close-up action shots of him breeding and/or getting bred by someone just as hairy as he is (but don’t worry, he’s on PrEP and has all the relevant links and pamphlets on hand to encourage you to get on it too).He may be a bit short and stubby below the belt, but his gut isn’t as pronounced as it often is for men of his build so there won’t be too many problems with maneuvering at least. Likes to fuck long and slow for hours, but he won’t push his partners if they can’t keep up with his pace.

Deceptively hairy, as anyone will discover once he starts sending pics, but aside from that he seems like a typical gym bunny at first glance. It’s only after getting to know him through conversation - generally after exhausting him via a lengthy session of circle jerking and oral - that he reveals that he’s been recovering from a reckless past of partying and drug use. Has unquestionably engaged in PNP, possibly with meth, but if nothing else he deserves props now for making an earnest effort to clean up his act. Is not really that much of a top - after being dependent on alcohol and drugs to get in the mood he doesn’t stay hard for long - but this will work out in his favor since what he really needs is a strong guiding hand from an older man. As a power bottom he’s both loud and sloppy; his aim is terrible even when sitting on a dick. Even so, he’s a dream come true for a bear looking for a beefy young man and/or a good project.

Still in some equivalent of a teenage mall goth phase, though in his case it’s more like a pirate phase what with the piercings and tattoos and overall swarthy look. Not very secure in his sexuality, but he’ll angrily rebuff any attempts at playing therapist or any requests from guys looking for something more than a blow-and-go. Will open conversations with a dick pic and precise stats, and if that proves enticing he might be feeling risqué to show off his (underdeveloped) torso. May never progress beyond the level of glory holes and handjobs with no eye contact until he addresses his myriad hangups, which range from a deeply embarrassing crush on a guy who used to bully him in school to an even more embarrassing diaper fetish - any evidence of which he’ll immediately scrub clean from his internet history after each guilt-laden wank. In the end he’s probably best off being left alone, though it’s anyone’s guess what amount of trouble he could end up in on his own.

He can always be counted on to spend most of his time at bars hanging outside by the door, greeting all the twinks with a winning smile and heckling any homophobic passerby with taunts and poses that he assumes look more threatening than silly. His white knight-ish behavior has indeed gotten him laid on more than a few occasions, but he’s got just as many rivals as he’s got satisfied fans. Buffed up to full-on twunk shortly after hitting the scene for the first time when he realized that no one was going to take him seriously as a Dom otherwise with that face. Flexible enough to work with ropes, leathers, blindfolds, or simple hard vanilla fucking depending on what’s being asked of him, although he does get an extra thrill out of the kinky stuff. He’s got a good sense for when he’s worn out his welcome and would be better moving on, something he can accomplish with ease thanks to a lack of serious career aspirations and his ability to charm his way into hearts and beds no matter where he ends up. It’s unlikely he’ll ever return to his hometown, after an incident in which he drunkenly made a pass at a guy that he later figured out was his own brother.

Still a few years away from being old enough to drink - and about fifteen years away from looking old enough - but he gets in anyway since he has a tendency to hang around upperclassmen. Unironically wears booty shorts and flashy scarves and sometimes glitter because he’s a twink and knows it, and even though he gets all the tops in the place hot and bothered he’ll swear up and down that he’s never danced on top of a bar and never plans to. He’s actually quite faithful to the aforementioned older friends, to the extent that he may list himself as in a relationship on hookup apps even if he’s not technically dating any of them. Likely feels this way toward the guy who took his virginity, specifically. Still a little willowy to really bottom well, and with his intellectual interests and career aspirations that’s unlikely to change much as he gets older. Maybe once he hits college the freshman fifteen will give him a little more cushion. Expect to see him settled down and at “we only play together” status a few years down the line…unless the object of his precocious affections happens to be looking elsewhere, in which case expect to find him one night bent over a desk by one of his professors.

His entire personality may be perfectly summed up by the word “surly.” He expresses non-verbal interest often on apps (i.e. he’s a “serial woofer”) but never initiates conversation, and on the rare occasions that he goes out he’s the type to hang out against the wall by himself nursing a beer and watching the crowd. He almost never responds to attention either, though he’s got a hidden soft spot for wide-eyed types who seem just as out of place as he is. As might be expected of a guy who rarely hooks up and whose idea of a good sex partner is just that - an idea - he feels more comfortable pleasuring himself in solitude than in performing the act itself. It’s a shame, too, because he’s got a pretty nice dick and naturally high skill and stamina to put it to work. He’s even bottomed a few times though he’s loathe to say he liked it, not because he’s got any problems with that but because his sex life is one of the many things he never likes to talk about.

His profile is fully descriptive but not all that interesting - looking for friends and good conversation, not willing to hookup or jump into anything too quickly, goal-driven but not pushy, and so on. He’s the perfect guy to bring home to your mother, and on the surface he really does seem as dull as that entails. However, he’s benefited from a surprisingly thorough education courtesy of an older friend and longtime community member, and after he’s gone on a few dates and gotten comfortable with someone he’d be more than happy to show off everything he’s learned. Fully vers but still inexperienced with taking charge in the bedroom, he’ll be happy to follow his partner’s desires wherever they may lead. Quite a nice package too; it’ll be worth the wait to see it since he doesn’t take naughty selfies as a rule. At or just before his eventual wedding he’ll introduce his new spouse to his friend, a meeting that will lead to many warm and companionable nights together that may optionally end in orgies.

By all appearances he’s your average clean-cut mild-to-wild twenty something, looking for casual dates and maybe a little fun while he finishes up school or ascends his chosen career ladder. He has a weakness for younger guys though…including those who are clearly falsifying their ages to be on the apps in the first place. It’s no big deal now - who doesn’t understand the appeal of a twink who knows how to work it? - but in a decade or so he’ll be decidedly in creepy sexual predator territory. As his current trajectory seems to be setting him up for a high profile position it’s probably best to stay away or risk being caught up with him when the shit hits the fan, but then again he could find himself a nice stable boy to date and settle into the comfortable and mostly-monogamous role of sugar daddy. His biggest fantasies involve electroshock kink, so his greatest challenge will be finding a twink who’ll get into that too.

Still bears the remnants of a tragic emo phase that he hasn’t quite left, but to his credit he can take (some) jokes about his weird hair and makeup choices. Pot and hallucinogens used to be his scene, but he’s been trying to get clean for a little while now. Unfortunately he’s still the type of guy who’s best dealt with through a phone or in the dark and smoky atmosphere of a bar, because he smells horrendous up close. Hookups are surprisingly fun though they come with the challenge of sneaking into whatever sober living community he currently calls home, and with that environment if he’s hit it off with anyone there odds are things will get awkward if he’s discovered playing the field. He’s quite aware that he’s not boyfriend material in any sense to anyone who’s not as screwed up as he is, but he’ll still smile and give his partners a warm hug and a reminder to come back anytime after they’ve gotten dressed. He just really appreciates the company. Has an interesting selection of cock rings, up to and possibly including a Prince Albert.

His selfies surprise in their quality and variety, and it takes only one meeting with this guy to figure out that the serious tone of his profile regarding community outreach and sex positivity belies his dark sense of humor and even darker bedroom proclivities. He’s enjoyed the company of numerous call boys and amateur porn stars and will let anyone know it, though he’s not enough of a dick to be the kind to expect that level of performance from anyone. All the same he’ll be more engaged in conversation with a guy he can sense is experienced, as he doesn’t get much out of training untried virgins (or claims he doesn’t, anyway). Can go either way - he loves to take bottoms hard and fast just as much as he loves to take huge uncut cocks (more than one at a time if he can get it) himself. He’s by no means hardcore femme, but he wears the reclaimed labels of effete gay stereotypes with pride and won’t hesitate to throw them in anyone’s faces if they take issue with that. It’s doubtful anyone’s seriously looking to date him given how rough around the edges he can seem, but he’s got a little something lowkey romantic on the side of all the wild fucking so he doesn’t much care if his unconventional life choices raise any eyebrows.

His marriage is happy in spite of its conventionality, and he only found himself making a profile on the apps after he shared with his wife the story of the college roommate he had a massive crush on but never had the courage to approach. He’s just as painfully earnest online about his situation: he’s just looking to experiment with something he’s not yet experienced outside of his own fantasies and the occasional foray into the equivalent porn. Can’t take a selfie for the life of him and his looks are just starting to go - maybe he’ll try growing a beard at some point once he learns about bears and such - but there are still a few friendly and open-minded men willing to take him up on his offer of mutual masturbation and possibly some oral. Anal play of any kind is still a pipe dream for the moment, but one has to give him points for trying…and his wife for being so understanding, even if after cumming with someone he might quietly intimate that things weren’t always so peaceably open between the two of them. Never blocks anyone, but all his hookups tend to forget about him shortly thereafter anyway. His wildest dream involves meeting his roommate again somehow, having a few drinks and seeing where the night takes them, but what are the odds of that?

He may no longer be on active duty, but he maintains the strict sense of duty and regimentation that comes with the “military” tag on his profile (though this clearly does not extend to his personal grooming). Is one of those guys who’s really into exotic pets, but at least his favorite reptiles are low-maintenance and won’t interrupt foreplay by demanding cuddles. Shies away from rough types like himself, preferring the company of twinks who love to ogle his biceps and make him feel needed and important even if it’s just for the few minutes it takes for him to fuck them to an explosive prostate orgasm. Tends to get wistful after sex, and some prodding will reveal that he’s still holding a candle for someone he knew back in his service days who ended up marrying someone else. It’s exactly the sort of thing to ward off more vapid partners from looking for repeat visits, but a sufficiently sensitive touch may just be able to help him move on and turn him into long-term relationship material. The dick alone would be worth it. 

Is a known regular at every bar, strip club, and urgent care center (for gonorrhea, and hopefully nothing worse) in the area. Perpetually drunk, frequently high, and willing to hit on anything that moves, even high school students if he thinks he can get away with it. His hookup space is casually enticing for seekers of NSA, and he’s got a fully-stocked album and a range of videos showcasing everything on offer. Likes to manspread in public to show off the goods, not that he’s packing anything huge down there. Similarly, when not performing for the camera his skill in bed is more imagined than actual, even on the rare occasions when he’s actually sober. When he’s not indulging his vices he’s busy composing filthy poems of questionable quality and writing half-formed sentences for a novel that may surprise everyone by actually getting written one day, assuming he doesn’t OD or get himself murdered first. No one knows what he does for a living and he’s not telling; the best guess anyone has is that he’s a humanities major dropout and either a trust fund baby or a prostitute. Possibly both.

Never uses a face pic and gives out a pseudonym when asked, which he explains by telling guys that he’s a politician. Dreams of silk sheets and caviar and a media circus should things go south are quickly dashed before the first date even begins however, because in fact what he really means is that he’s a working-class aspiring politician with a massive chip on his shoulder and a hunger to work his way up through whatever menial government post he can manage. Resents anyone with more money than him and will angrily rebuff offers of compensation for his time *ahem*, and the sex that he does have is stiff and almost never ends in orgasm for anyone. Very few guys will come back for seconds, particularly since his political views lead toward establishment conservatism and as such he’s almost certainly got some internalized homophobia he’s making a powerful effort to ignore. Everyone may at least take comfort in the fact, should he ever actually get elected anywhere, his stubbornness and various neuroses will ensure that he’s terrible at the job.

Forget about asking for stories of wild nights in the seminary, because he’s always been a priest on a mission. He’s not on any hookup apps and rarely goes drinking, but he’s met his share of guys nonetheless doing community outreach or missionary work. Is usually too busy and too dedicated to even consider being fun in bed, but he’s not bad to look at for a little clerical fantasizing and makes for a fascinating conversationalist for all manner of theological and philosophical discussion. His political sympathies are just slightly radical for his order so it’s not entirely out of the question that he might one day be tempted to indulge himself, but lacking experience it would mostly come down to affectionate cuddling and cute fumbling with the logistics of the serious stuff. No one could keep up with his lifestyle of wandering service, but he doesn’t mind since he can make sincere friendships and encourage guilty boners wherever he may happen to find himself.

By a combination of good fortune and deliberate cultivation he’s a near exact likeness for a celebrity much lusted-after by the gay community at large, a point that he exploits to his advantage whenever possible. Protects himself from the possibility of lawsuits and the strong likelihood that his doppelgänger is straight by using the classic headless torso and genitalia close-up approach to serve for introductions and only agreeing to discreet NSA hookups in semi-public places. He can only maintain the façade in the digital space however, as anyone who meets him in person will instantly note that he sounds and acts nothing like the man he’s impersonating. He’s unskilled and clumsy during sex, but bizarrely he makes for an excellent teacher and has successfully helped many a hapless kid hone his technique at topping or giving head or taking a dick…or a dildo rather, since he can’t be relied upon most of the time to aim himself properly. His world will implode if he’s one day rebuffed by a guy who claims adamantly that he’s not who he says he is because the actual celebrity’s dick is bigger - and he’s got the photographic evidence to back it up.

Seems innocuous at first glance, a kindly older bear with some mildly interesting conversation and a handful of tame pictures of himself at home or out with friends to offer. He’s been through some rough patches but lives quietly and comfortably now, and while he’s a bit past his prime he’s easily pegged as a dream daddy, with or without sugar. It’s after the night’s wearing on and the foreplay has moved into a horizontal position that a major problem presents itself - this man will not cum. Suck him until your jaw locks, ride him until even he can’t handle the strain anymore, tongue him and fuck him until you can’t stay hard, leave hickeys all over his neck, massage his balls, nipples, ass, feet, and wherever else he can think to point out…nothing will get him off. It’s not because he doesn’t want to and isn’t trying either, but whether it’s because the years have taken their toll on him, he was never very sexual to begin with, or he has a crippling porn addiction you’d practically need to host a sixteen-man orgy with the wildest, dirtiest fucking anyone could conceive in order to get him to blow his load. He’s bound to lose interest eventually in anyone who can’t satisfy him in bed too, so there goes those ideal daddy fantasies. Would it even be worth all that effort, though?

He’s very well known for his charisma and presence, and not just to the local community. He makes friends easily on apps not by trading pictures but by engaging in extended, thought-provoking conversations that get gently steered away from sex at every opportunity. Larger than life he may seem, but he tends to underwhelm on a first real meeting; he’ll come across as aloof and distracted, and he doesn’t seem to have a very good grasp on how to progress a relationship beyond cocktails and warm glances. Presumably he’s never had much in the way of sexual mentorship, but whatever the explanation don’t expect too much from him once his clothes finally come off. Oh, he’s surely very well-endowed and well-formed in general, but it would be better to look elsewhere if you’re in search of someone who actually knows how to put his good genes to work. He’s got a nice selection of toys though, particularly for anal play, so those might work as bedroom icebreakers.

He’s downright grungy from the state of his appearance and the dingy backdrops of his selfies, enough to where the aged bad boy charm might not even be enough to carry him. He spends his life floating from one dive bar to the next, a recovering something or other who’s fallen off the wagon so many times it’s a wonder he’s not dead in a ditch. He’s even paying child support for a kid or two, a result of either youthful experimentation or genuine bisexuality that was poorly thought-out regardless of its cause. Skilled and domineering in bed, but won’t be into breeding guys since he’s just now learning to be responsible with condom usage…not that those will stop him from occasionally passing on his crabs or his herpes. He’ll never be a reliable father, husband, or partner on any level, but under his gruff exterior there are a wealth of stories to be teased out of him during whatever pillow talk he’ll allow, poignant and bittersweet and most shockingly of all reaching back to a past life of wealth and privilege when he was (comparatively) sober and washed his clothes more than once a year.

[likelovelikesuicide]

Malec - Rant - “True Love Cannot Die”

Ok so… Since 2.10 first aired I’ve seen a lot of discussion about the “I love you” scene between Alec and Magnus. Some seem to think it was too early in their relationship, not fully true or that it was done for the press or even shock value. Also, prior to the episode airing there were a lot of people insisting that Magnus and Alec would break-up following the “fight” over Izzy’s yin fen bullshit.

However, I think the point of their relationship was always this. A story of intense, raw, open, honest, true love from the start. And they both knew that going in...

 Click it or ticket (I did warn you it was long) 

When Alec met Magnus in 1.04 - his world shifted, brightened. We see him really smile for the first time. He’s clearly attracted to Magnus immediately but it’s complicated, he had already accepted that this would never happen for him and the internal struggle he had ignored for years wouldn’t be any easier to get over now than it was when he was a kid. But what if he really could have what he always wanted? Cause... Hey...

When Magnus first saw Alec he KNEW - without even speaking to him, Magnus felt something for Alec the first time their paths crossed and being hundreds of years old he couldn’t help but be curious as to why his body, his heart, his very soul would spark with sudden feelings for this random boy, and a Shadowhunter at that… and after all these years, how could he not chase after that feeling? Anyone would… and goddamn if Alec didn’t look cute when flirted with...

In 1.05 they agree to a date but Clary happens.

In 1.06 their connection becomes palpable after joining together to save Luke. When everyone else leaves, Alec stays with Magnus - I think it’s important that Magnus was completely straightforward with Alec about his feelings from the start, because Alec is the most straightforward, to the point, on mission guy and he never would have read into anything if Magnus hadn’t explicitly and openly told him “for almost a century I’ve closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone... you’ve unlocked something in me” - and the next words Alec is able to say to Magnus are “Look, Magnus, I wish…”  - this small conversation established a mutual attraction, acknowledged requited feelings (and they apparently spent the night together, talking and drinking and flirting and gimme this scene please) it should also be noted that Alec went to Magnus’ despite his orders to stay out of downworld affairs and he acknowledged that he didn't do it for Jace. He did it after being told he was being pushed into a marriage by his family for the clave despite what he wanted - also he liked Magnus.(everyone saw their connection immediately btw)

1.08 brought the wrench into play - Alec was expected to marry a nice shadowhunter girl and take over the institute, as was his birthright and Lydia must have seemed like a perfect solution. They could marry and run the institute and he need never worry about feelings between them…

However, in the following episodes it becomes clear that Alec couldn’t blindly follow the orders of the Clave while also being true to himself. He had no choice but to push Magnus away, but he never expected to find himself battling against Jace and Izzy… however he was determined to follow the plan he had laid out for his life. To do his duty, to honor and restore the Lightwood name… Even as the thought of Magnus nagged at his mind, he pushed forward. Magnus didn’t make it easy on him though… throughout Izzy’s trail and the lead-up to the wedding, he refused to let their connection be forgotten. He wanted Alec for himself, dammit and he wasn’t backing down without a fight.

The thing is, Alec would have married Lydia that day if not for Magnus showing up. In his head he knew marrying Lydia was the right thing to do, for his family - but in his heart and soul he wanted Magnus, it wasn't until the moment that Magnus appeared in the hall that Alec’s head finally found his heart. Because this wasn’t about his family, this wasn’t even about Magnus (well not completely) this was about him. His life. Alec. the boy who wanted to love another boy. And now that boy was here, offering him all of it. He just had to stop… and take it.

So Alec stepped off the altar and kissed Magnus -  He kissed Magnus to thank him, for not giving up on him - he kissed Magnus to show his parents that they couldn’t control this part of him, because this was what he wanted. He wanted a guy, and that guy happened to be Magnus (the High Warlock of Brooklyn) Bane - He kissed Magnus because they had both waited long enough. Then he asked him out for drinks. Good on you Alec!

1.13 was a bit of a rough patch as they dealt with other people's drama and started to actually feel each other out - They both acknowledged that moving forward with this would be complicated for a million reasons. And yet they remained by each other’s side…

As they worked together through s2a they established a comfort and care for each other, a growing respect and a level of security. So when they both agreed to pursue their feelings further in 2.06, they were on level ground and together they chose to dive in. It is clear from the start that they both wanted to be together, in a relationship… a serious one. Neither is looking for a fling or a one night stand or any of that - if they are doing this, they are all in and they both wanted this. Naturally, after time together (traveling, dates, etc.) their mutual desire led them to move forward (and I know a lot of people had issue with the 2.07 “sex scene” but that’s another conversation) - not only intimately but publicly as well.

I think it’s underappreciated that the moment Alec was asked to throw a party for Max, a party specific to his people, his world - he went to Magnus as his partner - because “this, us, it’s not going away” - and they hosted the party as a couple. Together. That is a sign of commitment, and devotion to each other that can’t be overlooked, especially given that traditionally Magnus wouldn’t have even been allowed to attend the shadowhunter party. They present themselves to their conflicting worlds as partner's.

2.09 Both of them realized something was up with Izzy and it’s going to take me a long time to forgive her for all the shit her little drug addiction has caused but … after yelling at Magnus, only to be pushed away by his selfish drugged out sister, Alec finds himself smack dab in the middle of an assault on the institute.

And the next thing he knows he faced with the very real possibility that he’s lost Magnus. For Good. There was every chance that his boyfriend was amongst the dead in the institute and Alec had left him pissed off for something that wasn't his fault…

It’s Canon that Alec spent hours searching, knowing he might find his lover’s dead body at any moment. And he's clearly desperate when he exits the institute with the light of dawn, still searching, at a loss for what to do - So when Magnus finds him, having Alec immediately confess that he’s in love with his boyfriend, was not at all far fetched to me. He’s been in love with Magnus since he kissed him at the wedding .. perhaps longer. And Magnus has been in love with Alec since first sight, because he had the benefit of knowing what the feelings were, how they would grow if explored…

They were always going to fall in love, they both knew that. And more to the point, they both WANTED to fall in love with each other.

 Now, I want to put it out there that the real issue here is the faulty timeline of the show overall. - When you consider all the things that Alec and Magnus have done together (traveling, shopping, sharing personal stories, all the sex, established the loft as home, fighting the war, dealing with their own lives, etc.) - these things require a certain level of extraneous time that simply doesn't exist in the canon story. Everything is always happening 1 day to the next with little to no breaks between the episodes or scenes and THAT is why the timeline of their relationship doesn’t work. Their timeline is not a story issue, it’s a pacing issue that affects the whole show, including all characters, plots and relationships.

Look, we all know I have no life and during the hiatus I did a full scene-by-scene write-up for timeline reference from episode 1.01 to episode 2.10 (it’s legit like 25 pages people, I’m seeking professional help) but for real, Clary has known she was a shadowhunter for, at most, 2 months. And that is pushing it, I’m not kidding. The timeline will never make sense, but as a faithful viewer of both LOST and GLEE, I’m totally used to dysfunctional timelines by now. TV Writers don’t write based on following a 24 hour, 7 day a week concept (unless you’re Jack Bauer) - they write scenes, they fill in the story and the editors splice it together in a way that pulls the audience in… rationality (and continuity) is often left on the editor's floor in favor of drama, and progression of plot.

My point bring, Magnus and Alec shared strong, intense, undeniable feelings from the moment they met. They both wanted to pursue those feelings from the start, despite the complications (Alec agreed to the date in 1.05, damn you Clary) - and they stood by each other through a whole lot of nonsense to get to the point in 2.10 where Alec enters the Opt center and the possibility that he’s lost Magnus hits him for the first time. - Now, Magnus had already almost lost Alec several times, so he was somewhat atoned to this feeling - But for Alec, the idea that he could lose Magnus was new and as he said, terrifying. Esp. given that Magnus is immortal. When Magnus admits he's afraid of losing Alec in 2.07, it seemed silly to him because Alec never considered losing Magnus now that he had chosen this. He didn't need to, his boyfriend is immortal … Plus you have to take into account what Alec considers love - he loves his brother and sister, he loves his parabati. These are people he would lay down his life for, they are the people he trusts to have his back. And Magnus has become one of those people to Alec. He is where Alec goes when he needs advice, or just a break - plus, he brought Alec a kind of happiness he never dreamed he would have. Even his parabati can feel that Alec is happier with Magnus… he wanted this - In a way, the confession was a long time coming for Alec and Magnus, but they both wanted to get there, together.

[fanficcreator]

Wedding Day Jitters (Steve x Reader)

//Hope you guys enjoy and I’m truly sorry for all of the unexpected hiatuses lately. Good news is school will be over in a two weeks, and then I’ll have more time to write! Bad news is there probably will be a few more hiatuses until then :/ But nevertheless, I hope to finish this fic and post it fully tomorrow. Hope I won’t disappoint!

…

//Modern AU

The wistful light of the sun at noon spilled through stained glass windows and lightly shone on the two families below it.

Light chatter fluttered about the room as they awaited the bride’s grand entrance through the wooden doors behind them. An overall feeling of joy and excitement for the bride-to-be filled their tones and the room to the brim.

Suddenly, a chord was struck on the organ, the melodic sound resonating through the room as each guest stood and looked at the large double doors behind them. Soft smiles spread across their cheeks as they laid eyes on the beautiful girl covered in white lace.

A graceful tune wafted through the air with each slow step she took, her left arm linked with her father’s right. A veil of sheer white shielded her face from view, and her hands were tightly clenched around the bouquet of flowers that she held before her.

The white tail of her dress trailed behind her as she made her way down the aisle to her awaiting husband to be. Her lips were painted in red, and her eyes were covered with shadow. The neckline of her dress showed a modest view of her chest and if one looked closely, they would see that glitter shone atop her skin as well.

The woman looked like an angel sent down from the Heavens. Yet, she did not feel like one.

Nerves settled in the pit of her stomach, feeling as heavy as an anvil as she made her way down that long aisle. Her hands clenched the bouquet of roses so tightly that the plastic wrapped around it crinkled and cracked. The sound was covered up by the organ’s music flowing its way through the room. Her heart was beating so fast it felt as if it were trying to break its way through her ribs, and a lump had grown in her throat making it hard for her to breathe.

She couldn’t understand why she felt so nervous. She loved this man…right? She was so happy when he proposed to her that night on the beach that they spent together…oh, what a lovely night that was. She was excited and filled to brim with elation at the very thought of having that shimmering ring rest itself on her finger…

Why had that excitement deflated?

As she got more and more tangled in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized when she and her father reached the steps to the alter, until she stumbled up the first one.

She snapped out of her daze as her father steadied her, “You okay there, honey?” Her father asked, concern settled along his dipping brow.

She just sighed as she continued up the steps, “Yeah…just let my mind wander a bit.” she muttered absentmindedly. 

Her father glanced over her with a wary eye, before letting the ordeal go, and unlinking her shaking arm from his. “Alright…” he answered back as he turned to face her with a dopey smile on his face and eyes shimmering with unshed tears, “I can’t believe it…my little girl is all grown up…”

(y/n) just chuckled and rolled her eyes, “No need to cry dad…I’ll still be your little girl after this…having a ring on my finger doesn’t change that.” she playfully said back.

“I know I just…it’s your big day, and I don’t know if I’m ready to let you go, yet.” he said, an earnest look in his eyes as he looked from her to her husband, who was patiently waiting for (y/n) to meet him at the alter.  He then bashfully lowered his eyes as he rose one hand to scratch the back of his neck, “…but I guess I’ll have to, huh?”

(y/n) just smiled, her nerves stepping aside for a bit at her father’s silliness. He always knew how to make her feel better, even if he hadn’t known he was doing it.

He then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead through the sheer veil, and with a proud smile upturning his lips and putting creases in his cheeks, he gave her a small nod and turned to head back to his seat.

Once her father arrived at his seat, she closed her eyes for a bit and tried to swallow the thick lump in her throat that made itself known once more.

Here she was, on the steps that would lead her into the next stage of her life…and she was terrified.

Could she truly do this? Be with this man for the rest of her life after only dating him for six months?

Were they moving too fast?

This question bounced around in her skull as she slowly crawled her way up to the alter to stand across from her fiance, her pace matching that of a snail’s.

Once she turned to face him and saw the earnest look of adoration pooling in his eyes, she couldn’t help but fall into them a bit. She always loved his eyes, the way they shined like the skies in the pure light of the sun. They were nearly child-like, in the way that they shone when he smiled or cried. As if he had never been exposed to the evils of the world around him. 

This only made her love the man more. Though every horrid loss he had gone through, he never lost his honest kind nature. His smile still stayed pure, and his touch remained soft. He is a complex man with a story that goes deeper than the ocean, rich and dark and interesting in its nature. 

The juxtaposition of the soldier hidden in his eyes and kindness in his smile made him out to be one the most complex beings that (y/n) had ever laid her eyes on. He was a puzzle that she never wanted to solve.

“We are gathered her today to celebrate...” a deep, droning voice croaked from beside them as the melodic music stopped flowing throughout the room, filling it with a rich silence that had most of the room feeling excited and the bride feeling anxious and numb.

His voice brought (y/n) out of her few minutes of peaceful adoration, Steve’s story now the farthest thing from her mind. The ball of anxiety was now swirling as strong as a hurricane in her troubled stomach. She felt as if she was going to be sick. 

Steve’s wonderful eyes wandered over her form, immediately noticing how tightly she had had her hands clenched around the bundle of roses that sat in front of her torso. Now that the music had stopped, he could hear the small crinkling noise it made as her hands squeezed tighter and tighter around it. Her entire body held a tension that made him wince. And once he met her deep eyes, he could clearly see that something was wrong with her.

A line formed between his thick brows as he continued to study her distressed form, and once he began to voice his concern, the priest turned to address him, interrupting his thoughts and forcing him to turn his attention away from (y/n). 

“Do you, Steven Rogers, take (y/n) (l/n) for your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?” he asked, a subtle smile settling on his thin lips as he joined the two young lovers in marriage. He failed to see the turmoil that the poor bride was going through at the mere thought of it. 

Steve bit his lip and turned back to his distressed fiance, noting that her worried eyes were still not focused on him, rather on the hem of her delicate dress that now pooled at her feet, the trail flowing down the steps that lead her to the alter that they now stood. 

 “...Yes,” he answered after a few moments of pregnant silence. “I do.” confidence had now settled in his voice, in hopes that he could at least bring her gaze up to him. 

The priest then turned to her, the same modest smile resting on his lips, and repeated his simple question, yet (y/n’s attention still stayed on her feet all throughout his inquiry. 

In the silence that settled in after the he asked his question, (y/n) had re-thought everything that she had ever thought of how this marriage would turn out. In that moment, she made up her mind of how she wanted to take on this new life. 

She wasn’t going to.

All at once, it was as if everything stopped once she uttered the single word that finalized her decision.

 “No.” She muttered. yet it was loud enough for everyone to hear.  

There were no large gasps. No monumental exclamations of surprise. Just more silence. It rung in her ears, and yet, she had no regret over letting that word leave her lips.

Once she turned her gaze to her fiance, she saw his look of heartbreak and confusion over answer, and pushed herself to elaborate on why she said what she did. 

She knew why, but putting it into words that he would understand seemed like an impossible feat. So she started with the two that would soften the blow. 

“I-I’m sorry...” she muttered,  glancing down to collect herself before meeting his sad gaze once more, “Steve, I love you but...this?” She gestured to the building around them, “After six months?”  

The end of her question hung in the air, and the tension was so thick one could cut it with a knife. Nothing she could say would take the sting out what she was doing. But she had to do it, she had to. She was trying her hardest to convince herself that she was doing the right thing for the both of them.

Steve was a sensible man, he would understand...hopefully.

Minutes crawled by in a pregnant silence as Steve thought over what his response would be. He truly loved this girl...but six months was a quick time, wasn’t it? 

A marriage would only annihilate their relationship and he knew it. His gaze flitted back to his fiance, and wasn’t surprised to see the determined look on her face. He hadn’t realized how much stress this must’ve put her through, choosing between moving on into the next step of her life, and staying put where she was.

He could see how much stress this whole ordeal had put on her body, and her mental state, though her mask of determination was one of the thickest he had ever seen, aside from when he looked in a mirror. 

He saw her still clenched hands, and the indent below her painted lips from biting them all throughout the day. He knew this was a hard decision for her to make, and him showing how disappointed he was at the turn of events.

So with a single finger, he lifted her chin, and removed the veil from over her shining eyes. An earnest look of understanding shone in his deep blues as he caught her hard gaze. “We’re moving too fast.”He said simply, summing up all of her thoughts into one statement. “You were scared of our relationship falling apart.”

She nodded as her eyes shone with gratitude. “Yes...all that I ask for is your patience and understanding, Steve. Understand that I still love you with all of my heart but...marriage is too much for us.”

 His lips quirked up in a smirk as he cupped her face in his hands and looked down in to her bright eyes, “I understand...” 

Those two simple words were all that she needed and wanted to hear. He didn’t have to expand on his thoughts, nor did she want him to. Is understanding was truly all that she asked for. 

And the promise that a new life awaits her when she’s ready for it, was merely a bonus. 

@shut-it-tinman @meatballevan 

[mfmagazine]

Grammatrain

Article by Erik Schultz

Photo by Ashley Genevieve

Last year began a new chapter in the lives of Pete Stewart, Dalton Roraback and Paul Roraback. Grammatrain was riding high on the rock circuit from 1994-1998, but that came to a halt in late 1998. Pete went solo and began producing, Paul began other projects and session work, and Dalton got a “day” job. Now, over ten years later, they are back with a new album and a new outlook on the band; same hard hitting sound, but a slightly different message. I had the pleasure of chatting with Pete and Paul; talking about the new album, plans for the future and the spiritual side of the band.

Let’s talk about the new album, Imperium. How does it feel to have a new album out after 10 years?

Pete: A bit surreal, but mostly very satisfying. I don't think any of us envisioned this happening after the band split up in '98. It's been nice to really do things our way with no outside label or producer and see the whole thing through like this.

When you decided you guys were going to record a new album, what were the expectations walking into the studio?

Pete: We started this thing really low key. When the idea first emerged to make a new record, I thought it was important to keep the attitude very casual with it and not have it be a high-pressure situation. I think we figured we'd try to record a few songs, and if it seemed like it was working and it was a good idea, we'd continue the process.

Paul: I knew Pete would write great music, and Dalton is a very capable bass player, so really my only expectations musically were for myself. I've always been the kind of musician that plays for me first, taking into consideration the boundaries or challenges of the song. I have to record something that I can listen to for the rest of my life, so my first instincts are rather self indulgent. However, I've always felt that if you write something that you like, someone is bound to like it also. I feel sorry for musicians that spend all their time trying to write music that someone else might like. If you don't like it, it's possible that no one will like it. But if you do like it then it seems likely that someone will like it.

Pete, since you have played the musician and producer role in the past, how did those experience help in creating this album, compared to previous Grammatrain records?

Pete: Well, certainly the experience of being on the other side of the glass so much during the last 10 years changed the perspective this time around. Paul has also had a lot of experience recording and producing during the last several years, so we were able to communicate about the process in a way that neither of us were able fully to in the old days. It's a lot more responsibility when you decide you're going to produce your own album as a band. There's a great aspect to being that much in control...but you also bring a lot heavier workload on to yourself. There were many, many late nights for us during the whole process, but as a band, we've never been afraid of hard work.

Does this feel like the 4th studio album for you guys and a continuation of the band, or the first album and somewhat starting over?

Paul: A little of both. Since it's been 10 years, and we've progressed so much since we recorded Flying, it feels new. The chemistry is still there for us, I remember when Pete came to Austin with his solo project and asked if I would play drums for him; we had one rehearsal and then played SXSW. From the very first beat Pete and I felt like we'd never been apart.

Pete: It was kind of amazing to us once we started fleshing out the songs together that the "Grammatrain sound" started to kind of emerge on its own. It felt like we were able to write whatever kind of songs we felt like and not have to worry about sounding like us, because that part just happened on its own.

Tell me about the first couple times you guys got together and practiced/jammed after not playing together for 10 years.

Pete: The first time we stepped in a room to actually play our instruments together was last year when we rehearsed for our reunion show. For me, it was a really special feeling filled with anticipation. I think we knew it was going to be a really unique and special experience...we kind of respected the weightiness of what we were doing, if that makes sense. We also knew we were in for a lot of work, having to relearn much of our old songs that none of us had played in a decade!

With the change in spiritual direction of the band, how have long time fans responded to the reunion and new material?

Pete: It's been mixed. There's some people who have said they respect the fact that we're being real about where we are and are just excited that we're playing together again. There are some who are, of course, disappointed that I'm not a Christian anymore. I can sort of understand that. Some people have a hard time with change, and some people can feel a sense of ownership with their favorite bands or musicians and have that ownership feel violated when the person turns out to be something other than what they want to perceive. It certainly doesn't make me feel good to let anyone down, so to speak. But, I think that reality is better than the alternative, which would be to pretend to be something that someone else might want to see. Overall, the response has been positive, though. We did have one fan actually send his CD back in the mail saying he preferred "his Grammatrain" to be different than who we were. I found that a little odd...but in the end, that was his choice.

Again, with the spiritual change, does it give different meanings to old songs as you perform and rehearse them?

Pete: Yes, as a matter of fact. I still resonate with the emotions that I felt when we created those songs and when I wrote many of those lyrics. There was actually a moment during an encore in our CD release show last weekend where we played one of our oldest songs and I started feeling tears in the back of my eyes. I started thinking, "Okay, let's not lose it here in front of everyone..." I'm different in a lot of ways to who I was all those years ago when we wrote those songs, just like everyone is as they grow older, but I still relate to the guy I was when those words came out of me originally. There are certain songs that I've chosen not to perform in our current shows, and Paul and Dalton have been extremely understanding and gracious about it. I know there's words in certain of our older songs that mean something to people to this day, and I almost feel that I could ruin that for them or come off hypocritical by singing something that may not ring true for me today. But, overall, most of the songs still resonate with me in their own way.

The Last Sound...What kind of momentum push has this unique project given you?

Pete: The Last Sound is an example of an idea that ends up taking on a life of its own. We wrote this song and thought we'd give it to the Sounders organization to see if they might be interested in using it. I don't think we dreamt that a month later Drew Carey would be publicly talking about our band and funding a big budget video or that our song would get used in so many ways as a team anthem. It's certainly raised awareness of our band. We probably couldn't have asked for a better way to re-introduce ourselves to the world during the process of releasing this record. I'm sure that had a fair amount to do with selling out our (Seattle) show last weekend. Being on the field after the match when the Sounders won the US Open Cup and hearing our song get played at the stadium while much of the crowd sung along during the trophy presentation is something that still gives me chills when I think about it.

You guys have been at this, either as the band or in other projects, for over 15 years. What is the biggest thing you have learned about yourself through this whole process?

Pete: I can't be happy doing anything else. Music is evidently what I am wired to do. It's what makes me feel the most whole. At the same time, I think I've learned to balance things a little better and find a little more peace in life than I was formerly able to. It's important to have goals and a strong work ethic, but it's important to keep it all in perspective and not miss out on the whole journey.

Paul: I've found that it's easy to take things for granted. When we were touring an average of almost 200 shows a year I thought I was miserable. This was partially due to our record label making us feel like failures if only 200 people came to a show, but when the band broke up and I worked a day job I was more miserable than ever. I'm not saying anyone who works a day job should feel miserable; I'm just not wired for that. I've really just never been good at anything else but music. I don't even think about much else - music, family and God pretty much sums it up for me.

What does Grammatrain mean to you?

Paul: It's one of the few places I fit in, even if not entirely. Pete and Dalton and I are a lot different, yet somehow there's this amazing connection when it comes to playing music together. We have a great time hanging out too, deep conversation and lot's of laughs, which is funny because we come across like such a serious band, but behind the scenes we're actually quit silly.

When you look back on the first half of Grammatrain, what is the one moment or event that sticks out in your mind?

Pete: Having all our gear laid out in a parking lot in Memphis days before our first tour was about to start with no vehicle and no idea how we were going to get to our first show. I've probably never felt that much stress in my life...mostly because stressful things happen constantly on tour and you just learn to deal with them. We had zero experience with that kind of stuff then. It's funny how huge obstacles just become routine after a while.

Paul: There was a girl that decided NOT to commit suicide because of something that Pete said from the stage. That's pretty much the highlight of my career.

What is next?

Paul: Pete and I have talked a bit about some ideas for the next record, but if we tell you we'll have to kill you.

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company part 1

Chapter Twenty-One [part 1]:

The One Where the Herpetological Society Drops By

 

Lemony was careening through the city in his taxi. He had told Jacquelyn that he would much rather prefer to travel via secret tunnels but she explained to him that time is of the essence but she wouldn’t explain to him what that meant until he arrived at Dr. Montgomery’s. Lemony assumed the worst had happened because when you work for VFD that is usually what would eventually happen. Lemony sighed. He was hoping the authorities wouldn’t pull him over. He was driving an awful like his damn sister. He chuckled to himself. Okay, maybe I’m not driving that bad. He thought to himself remembering when he was stupid enough to ask his older sister to teach him how to drive. What a nightmare that was. It ended with the two siblings driving through a couple of hedges and nearly driving the taxi into a pond. Jacques, their brother, was not happy. Ever since that day, Lemony was always a bit terrified to get into a car that his sister was driving. He frowned. He missed both his brother and his sister terribly. He silently imagined what kind of uncle Jacques would be and what kind of aunt Kit would be. Jacques would be that serious but sometimes fun uncle. He’d be the one to give her life lessons when she needed them but would also play the silly games that every little girl wanted to play. He probably would have offered to test out each and every one of her inventions for her. Kit would be the trouble-making, sarcastic aunt. Letting Violet get away with anything. Sneaking the child sweets behind Lemony’s back and teaching her skills that Lemony would prefer she not learn. He laughed to himself, imagining scenarios in his head of his siblings being able to be in his daughter’s life. There was no way in Hell that Kit would teach my daughter how to drive. His laughter turned to sadness when he realized that Violet was missing out, and it was all because of him. She will never get to meet her mother, she has never gotten the chance to meet her aunt and uncle, and she will never meet her half-siblings. Lemony punched the steering wheel in anger. He sighed. This wasn’t fair...none of this was fair to his daughter.  He spent the next several minutes driving silently. 

After a few minutes, his mind went back to wandering about his siblings. How have they spent the last decade and a half of their lives? He had a feeling they were both extremely loyal to VFD but he wondered had they started a family? Was he also missing out on being an uncle? The last time he saw Jacques, he was briefly dating Larry. He was unsure if that ever went anywhere. He imagined that whoever Jacques settled down with, he’d probably have one, possibly two children. Unless he allowed VFD to get in the way of living his life, which wouldn’t surprise Lemony. The last time he saw Kit, she was engaged to Olaf. He made a face of disgust, shaking his head. His sister always had the worst taste in men. He knew that after certain events that Olaf had retracted his marriage proposal to Kit as Beatrice had done the same to him. Maybe that was the best thing to happen to Kit. He knew deep down that at first she was probably heartbroken but she was strong. She probably got over it and began dating someone else. He wondered if she had any kids either. Nah, Kit was too afraid to be a mother. Which was true. Due to the Snicket siblings' involvement in VFD, the children hadn’t known their parents and they were orphaned at a young age. Kit always had issues even thinking about becoming a mother, she didn’t know how...she hadn’t been able to learn from her mother the basics of childcare. Lemony knew deep down that his sister would have made an excellent mother.

Lemony began coughing as the stench of Lousy Lane began to infiltrate his nostrils. “God damn!” he yelled. He knew why Lousy Lane smelt like this, he understood that it was a bit necessary but it didn’t make the smell any better. He followed Jacquelyn’s instructions and drove around Dr. Montgomery’s property so he’d be able to hide his taxi. Once he parked, he sat waiting for Jacquelyn. Eventually, a woman completely covered in bronze make up approached his taxi. Another man who was driving what appeared to be a moving truck approached. Lemony looked at the woman, realizing that it was Jacquelyn and then looked worried at the approaching vehicle.

“No need to worry, Snicket. He’s with me,”

“You brought another person to help us!” Lemony asked annoyed. “What part of ‘don’t tell anyone’ did you not understand!?”

“With Gustav down for the count I assumed you would be grateful to find you another helping hand for your quest to save the Baudelaire children,” Jacquelyn said. “At least come meet him.”

“Oh, we’ve already met,” the man said as he exited his vehicle and walked towards the taxi.

Lemony looked to the man and saw that he did, in fact, know the man from his past.

“It’s nice to see you again, Jac-” the man began before taking a longer look at Lemony. “You’re not Jacques Snicket.”

“You’re very observant, Larry,” Lemony said laughing extending a hand out the taxi window.

“No...no...you’re dead,” Larry said looking from Jacquelyn to Lemony.

“No. I am alive and...well, I’m alive,” 

“Does...does Jacques know?”

“No. Neither does Kit and I hope to keep it that way,” Lemony said glaring at Jacquelyn. “But who knows how long that will last with Miss Jacky showing more and more people that I am alive.”

“We’re going to need more help, Snicket,” she said rolling her eyes.

Lemony shook his head fiercely. 

“Lemony, I am only here because the word has gotten around about Gustav’s death,” Larry said finally shaking his old friend’s hand. “I promise, whatever your terms are. I will agree with them.”

Lemony studied him for a second. “You won’t say anything to my siblings.”

“If you don’t want me to, then no. Although, I do agree with Jacquelyn. Both Jacques and Kit would be very helpful.”

Lemony shook his head. “Too dangerous.”

“Then mums the word,” Larry said smiling. 

“So even with your history with Jacques, you won’t say anything.”

Larry shook his head. “Unfortunately, your brother and I have not spoken in quite some time.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,”

“Oh. I’m completely over it. We have stayed friends over the years. But as of recent, I haven’t really spoken to either him or Kit.”

“Do you think they’re dead?” Lemony asked worriedly.

“Oh. Heavens know. You should know it’s hard to kill a Snicket. You’re living proof of that.”

Lemony chuckled at this. “I guess you’re right.” 

“Well, since introductions have been made. I hate to tell you boys, but Dr. Montgomery is dead. He was found this morning by the Baudelaire boy.”

“Wait,” Lemony said looking at Jacquelyn. “How...how did Monty die? You were here. You said you had everything…” he began and then noticed that all of her visible skin was painted bronze. “Why are you bronze?”

“Well, I was disguised as a statue,” Jacquelyn said. Both Lemony and Larry looked at her in utter confusion. 

Lemony opened his mouth to speak but then closed it. Then he opened his mouth again and instead of speaking, he sighed.

“Are you okay?” Jacquelyn asked.

“...I’m just making sure that I completely understand. You...you stood out here...you stood outside for who knows how long and allowed Monty to be murdered?” Lemony asked still not fully understanding what Jacquelyn’s plan was.

This time Jacquelyn was the one opening her mouth to speak but she was at a loss of words. In her head, this plan made perfect sense but now that Lemony was saying it out loud, she began to realize how useless and idiotic this plan actually was.

“What the fuck! What sense does that make!?” Lemony yelled.

“Ummm...I wouldn’t yell right now…” Larry muttered.

Jacquelyn simply shrugged her shoulders. “I infiltrated didn’t I?”

“In all honesty? No. No! You stayed outside. Allowing that bastard to kill Monty and nearly kidnap Beatrice’s children!”

“Lemony...I would advise not yelling,” Larry muttered again.

Lemony gave an angry sigh in response as he rubbed his temples. “Dear God...why is this harder than it should be?”

“Why are you so obsessed with these kids?” Jacquelyn asked. 

“They’re my….” Lemony began before looking at both volunteers who stood before him. He remembered that no one knew the existence of his daughter and with Jacquelyn not even understanding that he doesn’t want many people knowing that he’s alive, he wasn’t going to risk it. “...they’re Beatrice’s children. We need to help them.”

Both volunteers nodded but neither said anything as Lemony got out of his taxi and went to the trunk. Lemony was already wearing black overalls on top of a light blue button-up shirt. Not too formal but not too laid back. He began rummaging through the disguise kit. 

“Can you guys help me with my disguise,” he called out to the two adults watching him.

“Why? What do you plan on doing?” Larry asked.

“Honestly, I’m not sure yet. All I do know is that I’m going in.” Lemony replied.

Jacquelyn peered down at his disguise kit. “You can only use the supplies from the VFD disguise kit so many times before getting recognized, Snicket. Olaf was once a member, he is probably using the same shit.” She peered down and held up a pair of glasses and a fake beard. “Like these two items. He’s currently wearing them.”

“What do you want me to do then?”

“Think outside the box,” she said looking at Larry. “Did you bring the supplies?”

Larry nodded as Jacquelyn ran towards the truck. “Snicket, you’re going to love this.”

Lemony rolled his eyes. “Doubtful,” he muttered. 

“Can you just trust me, Snicket?”

“I’m trying. But again, you keep making me not trust you.”

“How so.”

Lemony merely points at Larry. “Oh and don’t forget Gustav.”

Jacquelyn rolled her eyes as she handed him a beekeepers hat.

“What the fuck is this?”

“It’s part of your disguise,”

“Not what I was going for...but okay,” Lemony said.

“Do you want Olaf to recognize you?” she asked.

“No.” 

“Then figure it out. You’re a smart man, Snicket,” she replied as Larry nodded.

__________________________________________________________

“...he’s an actor, he must’ve covered it up with make-up.” Klaus tried reasoning with Mr. Poe once they had reached Monty’s house. Stephano had the brilliant idea of all four of them walking back to the house, due to Monty’s car being ‘as damaged as Mr. Poe’s.’ So Klaus and Sunny spent the time trying to figure out how the fuck Count Olaf got rid of his tattoo. Klaus placed his suitcase next to the door as he turned to Mr. Poe who continued to cough.

“Klaus, this is getting rather tiresome, going over this again and again with you. We have just seen Stephano’s unblemished ankle. ‘Unblemished’ means…”

“ I know what ‘unblemished’ means!” Klaus yelled. “But that man is Count Olaf! Why can’t you see that?” 

“All I can see is what’s in front of me. I see a man with no eyebrows, a beard, and no tattoo on his ankle. Meaning this man is not Count Olaf.” Mr. Poe said.

Klaus realized that it would be easier to argue with the snake-shaped hedge than with Mr. Poe when he had made up his mind. But Klaus wasn’t going to give up before he was about to try to reason with Mr. Poe one last time, he heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Stephano yelled rushing passed Mr. Poe and the children. “Good morning,”

“Good morning. I am Dr. Lucafont from the local sheriff’s department’s medical examiner’s office,” the tall man said, pointing to himself with a big, solid hand. “I received a call that there’s been a terrible accident involving a snake,”

“You’re here already?” Klaus asked as Sunny stared at the man’s oddly stiff hands.

“I believe that speed is of the essence in an emergency, don’t you?” Dr. Lucafont replied staring down at the young boy. “If an autopsy needs to be performed, it should be done quickly.”

“Of course. That makes perfect sense,” Mr. Poe commented.

But Klaus and Sunny were skeptical. 

“So where’s the body at?” Dr. Lucafont asked.

“Poor Dr. Montgomery is in the Reptile Room,” Stephano replied pointing in the direction where the Uncle Monty’s corpse still lays. He turned to Mr. Poe, “When I spoke to the doctor on the phone, I told him about the accident with your car and he was nice enough to offer to give you a ride into town once his job here is done. While I stay here with the precious orphans.”

“No,” Klaus said firmly, “Sunny and I will not be staying here alone with you at all!”

Mr. Poe looked sternly at Klaus. “Klaus, I realize you are very upset, but it is inexcusable for you to keep treating Stephano so rudely. Please apologize to him at once.”

“ No!” Klaus cried. “I’d rather die!”

Stephano smirked and leaned down close to Klaus as Mr. Poe began to cough. “ Careful what you wish for, orphan.” He hissed in a low, chilling voice. Once Mr. Poe stopped coughing, Stephano turned to Mr. Poe. “Oh, Mr. Boe. It’s quite alright. The children are so upset about Dr. Montgomery’s murder that they’ve forgotten how to behave.”

“Aha!” Sunny yelled.

“Murder?” Klaus asked realizing exactly what Sunny had realized. “Why did you say murder , Stephano?”

Stephano’s face darkened and his hands clenched at his sides. It looked like there was nothing he wanted to do more than scratch Klaus’ eyes out. “I misspoke,” he said calmly.

Before Mr. Poe had a chance to speak, Dr. Lucafont reentered the room. “I have determined the cause of death. It’s definitely a snakebite no question about it?”

“Thank you, doc.” Stephano replied grinning.

“Are you sure?” Klaus asked.

“Two bite marks are on his cheek. Only a snake could’ve done that.”

“Case closed,” Stephano commented.

“Suspi!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “This whole thing seems super suspicious.”

“Sunny’s right. That autopsy was done rather quickly. Are you sure you’re a qualified doctor?” Klaus asked.

“Klaus! It’s rude to question authority figures.” Mr. Poe lectured.

“Maybe the children should go upstairs. I’m about to take the body out to my car and being in a room with a dead body might be very traumatic.” Dr. Lucafont commented.

“I’ve already been in a room with a dead body, thanks to Stephano,” Klaus commented.

“I’ve had enough of this, Klaus. You need to stop.” Mr. Poe said before coughing.

“Once I’ve put Dr. Montgomery’s body in my car. I can give you a ride to the mechanic, sir.” Dr. Lucafont said.

Klaus and Sunny both quickly realized that the situation they have found themselves in was more or less a game but with desperately high stakes. The object of the game was to not be left alone with Stephano or else he would whisk them away to Peru. What would happen to them then, when they were alone in Peru with such a greedy and despicable person, they did not want to think about it.

“We’re not staying with that bastard!” Klaus yelled holding Sunny closer to him. Then at that moment, he got an idea. “Why don’t we ride with Dr. Lucafont and Mr. Poe? Sunny and I have always wanted to see the inside of doctor’s automobile.” he lied. Sunny looked at him confused. She was sure that he wasn’t noticing the odd stiffness in the doctor’s hands that she had noticed. But she nodded her head in agreement. 

“I’m afraid that won’t work,” Dr. Lucafont replied. “Once I place Dr. Montgomery’s body in my car, I’ll only have room for one more passenger.”

“Are you fucking serious!?” Klaus yelled annoyed.

“Klaus! I know it is quite shocking that Dr. Montgomery had died, he seemed like an appropriate guardian for you…” Mr. Poe began.

“Mor!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “He was more than that. He was much, much more than appropriate. But now he’s dead because of that rat bastard in the ridiculous disguise!” and Klaus was quick to translate.

“Baudelaires!” Mr. Poe shouted just about having enough. 

“Look, Mr. Poe, we don’t care what this doctor is saying! Monty was one of the world’s leading herpetologists. He’d never allow a dangerous snake to bite him! Stephano murdered him! Why can’t you just trust us!?” Klaus shouted slamming his free fist into a wall.

“Little boy, I tested his blood. In his veins, I found the venom of one of the most dangerous snakes in the world.” Dr. Lucafont replied looking worriedly at Klaus, whose face was turning red with anger.

“Good heavens! Which one?” Mr. Poe asked.

“The incredibly...deadly...viper,” Stephano replied dramatically. 

“Bull!” Sunny yelled angrily in defense of Ink.

“That’s impossible, dumb ass. The incredibly deadly viper is one of the least dangerous and most friendly creatures in the entire animal kingdom!” Klaus yelled. 

“Come now, Baudelaires. It’s called the incredibly deadly viper.” Mr. Poe replied.

“It’s a misnomer! Uncle Monty named it that to scare his colleagues at the Herpetological Society!” 

“He sounds highly unstable. Not good guardian material.” Dr. Lucafont commented as he began to make himself a pot of coffee.

“He was a wonderful, caring person!” Klaus yelled through gritted teeth.

[littlej097]

For Those in My Heart - Chapter 5 “Mom’s Don’t Get Sick Days”

Prompt: Illness plagues the Locksley-Mills Household and it's up to Regina to take care of her family.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

The Locksley-Mills family couldn’t seem to catch a break. For the past two weeks, illness had plagued their household. It started with Roland who came down with a bad head cold. Regina had fawned over him all day in an attempt to make him feel better.  Henry was the next one to catch the virus and he was miserable. Henry always had been a tad bit dramatic when he was sick. However, it was nothing that Regina couldn’t handle. She had been dealing with her son’s sick time antics since he was a baby and had it down to a science on how to make him feel better. Robin was next. He had probably gotten it caring for Roland. Regina could only laugh when she looked at Robin’s pitiful form on the couch. His dramatics rivaled Henry’s. Regina tried to keep Addy away from all the boys so she wouldn’t get sick, but the virus was persistent and Addy was the next to fall ill. 

The poor little girl was miserable. She was so congested and cried relentlessly, which only made the congestion worse. During that time, she was permanently attached to Regina’s hip. Both she and Robin had assumed that the little girl would end up being a Daddy’s girl. However, they were both wrong. Addy was very much attached to Regina. When she was fussy, Regina singing softly to her was the only thing that could calm her down. Also, Regina was the only one who could ever get Addy to sleep. However, because of this cold, even Regina was having a hard time getting the little girl to feel comfortable. She had been bouncing Addy and walking around the house for hours and nothing seemed to help. 

“Would you like me to try, Love?” Robin asked. 

“You know she’ll only cry even more. It has to be me.” Regina said with a sigh. She wanted nothing more than to hand the baby off to Robin and let him try but this wasn’t her first rodeo. She knew Addy and Regina was the only one who was going to be able to calm her. 

“I know. I just feel bad.” Robin told her, his voice still nasally due to his lingering congestion. “You’ve been so busy taking care of all of us. You must be exhausted.” Regina shrugged her shoulders. 

“Mom’s don’t get sick days.” She replied. “I’m tired, but I can manage,” she added as she continued to rock Addy, who’s crying were becoming soft whimpers. “Besides, you still look pretty bad. Why don’t you go lie down with the boys? I think they’re in the living room watching a movie.” 

“Alright,” Robin finally agreed. “If you need anything, just let me know.” Regina nodded. She wandering into Addy’s nursery and sat down in the rocking chair. The little girl began to whimper again and Regina was quick to shush her. 

“Shh shh, it’s okay baby girl.” Regina cooed. “I know, you feel yucky.” She watched as Addy’s nose scrunched up and she let out a series of three sneezes right into her mother’s face. “Well, bless you,” Regina said. After a while, Addy finally closed her eyes and settled into sleep. Regina got up slowly and gently placed Addy inside of her crib. After tiptoeing out of the nursery, she moved towards the living room. 

“What are you guys watching?” she asked. 

“Frozen...for the second time,” Henry replied dryly. “Roland insisted.” 

“It’s a good movie!” Roland protested. 

“Whatever, I’m going to head to bed,” Henry replied. When he walked past Regina, she placed a hand on his forehead. 

“Well, I think your fever is gone,” Regina replied. “How are you feeling?” 

“Just tired. And, I still can’t stop sneezing, but overall better.” Henry told her. 

“Alright. Probably one more day home from school for you.” Regina added. Henry just nodded and coughed into his elbow before lumbering down the hallway. 

“Mama, can you come cuddle?” Roland asked. 

“Of course, my love,” Regina replied. She squeezed in between Robin and Roland and Roland practically climbed into her lap. Regina was relieved when his skin also felt normal. 

“How do you feel?” Regina asked Robin. 

“I’m okay,” Robin told her. “I’m sure by tomorrow, I’ll be back to normal. Colds don’t hit adults as hard as they do children.” 

“True,” Regina agreed. “Do you think you’ll be able to watch the kids tomorrow? I haven’t been into the office for the past three days and I really need to try to get some work done.” 

“Of course love, I can handle it.” Robin told her. “Besides, you deserve a break after taking care of all of us for three days.” The three of them laid on the couch until the end of the movie. As the credits played, Regina looked down at her son who was fast asleep in her embrace. He was snoring slightly from the congestion in his nose. “Do you want me to take him?” Robin asked. 

“No, I’ve got him.” Regina replied. She stood up with the six-year-old, his head resting on her shoulder and took him to his bedroom. She laid him down gently and tucked him in. “Goodnight my little prince,” she added while pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

After checking on Henry and Addy one last time, Regina changed into her pajamas and climbed into bed with Robin. The past few days, they had tried sleeping apart because Robin really did not want to get her sick, but Regina couldn’t sleep when she wasn’t cuddled in Robin’s strong arms. Not wanting to be away from him any longer, Regina nestled her body into his side and lifted his arm so it was around her. “Love, your gonna get sick.” Robin muttered. 

“Don’t care. I’ll probably be getting it anyway.” Regina replied. “I want to sleep with you.” Robin knew not to fight with her so they stayed like that for most of the night until Addy woke them up demanding to be fed. 

When morning finally came, Regina knew that she had caught the virus. Her head ached from the pressure in her sinuses and her nose was congested. Worst of all, her throat was extremely sore and it hurt to swallow. Despite her symptoms, Regina pushed herself out of bed and began to get ready to go into work. Mom’s didn’t get sick days and neither did the mayor. She left the house with a full box of tissues and a very large travel mug full of tea that she hoped would help. 

Stepping out into the chilly outdoors, Regina shivered and pulled her coat more tightly around her body. Suddenly she felt her nose began to tickle and she let out a loud sneeze into her elbow. Sniffling, she pulled out a tissue and blew her very congested nose. Today was going to be a long day. 

When Regina got to the office, she tried to get some work done but she was constantly being interrupted by a sneezing or coughing fit. Also, the amount of pure exhaustion that she was feeling from the past few days was really beginning to wear on her. At one point, Regina reached down for yet another tissue and saw that the brand new box of tissues that she had brought was empty. “Oh, whatever…” She groaned as she packed up her stuff and headed home in frustration. 

When she went through the front door, Regina saw Robin asleep on the couch with Addy on his chest. Even though she felt horrible, she couldn’t help but smile and feel relieved that Robin had gotten Addy to sleep.  She walked over and picked up the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lightly placed it over them. Robin began to stir and he opened his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Regina said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” “It’s alright.” Robin replied. “Did you get some work done?” 

“Yes I did some of it-” She said before breaking off into a harsh coughing fit into her elbow. 

“Oh sweetheart, you caught it.” Robin said pitifully. 

“I’m fine.” Regina replied, trying to shrug him off. “I should go start dinner.” 

“Regina!” he tried to argue, but the woman was off. Robin groaned. She was so stubborn. He just wished that for once in her life, she would let someone take care of her. He gave Regina about ten minutes and during that time, he heard her sneeze about fifteen times. Shaking his head, he stood up from the couch and placed Addy in her baby swing and went into the kitchen. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Robin said, walking over to her. 

“What?” She asked. 

“You are not making dinner. You are going to lie down on the couch and rest.” Robin told her. 

“Don’t be silly-” she began. 

“No, Regina. You’re sick and you need to rest. I can see that your exhausted and your not going to get rid of this cold by pushing yourself.” 

“What about dinner?” she asked. 

“We’ll get Granny’s.” Robin told her. “It won’t kill the children not to have a home-cooked meal. Please, my love. Go and lay down.” 

“Fine,” Regina finally agreed. She went in to give Robin a hug but had to break away early as another lengthy sneezing fit hit her. 

“Alright, couch now.” Robin said and Regina actually listened to him. She curled up her side and huddled under the throw blanket. Meanwhile, Robin got to work on dinner. He pulled Granny’s menu out of the cabinet and start to look at it. He chose what he wanted and then went to the boy’s rooms to ask what they wanted. Last to choose was Regina. However, when Robin went into the living room, he could see that Regina had fallen asleep. “Good,” he thought. “She needs some rest.” He ordered a bowl of chicken noodle soup for Regina and then added the rest of the food to the order. He put Henry in charge while he ran to town to grab the food. When he returned, he gave the boys their food and then went into the living room with the soup to wake up Regina. 

“My love, time to wake up.” he said softly. Regina’s eyelids fluttered open and she slowly woke up. “Do you think you could eat some soup?” Regina shook her head. “You need to put something in your stomach love.” he prompted. 

“I feel awful,” she groaned. 

“I know, but in a day or two this will pass and you’ll feel much better,” Robin told her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Unlike the rest of her family, Regina didn’t start to feel better. In fact, she began to feel worse. Three days later, she was cocooned in her and Robin’s bed shaking from the chills. Her cheeks were flushed from a very evident fever and her teeth were chattering. Her cold symptoms had gotten more intense. Instead of sneezing every few minutes, she coughed relentlessly. The cough was harsh and sounded painful as it left Regina’s frail body. 

“102.5, my love.” Robin said as he pulled the thermometer from her mouth. 

“I’m f-f-fine.” she replied, her teeth still chattering,

“I’d say a fever that high hardly constitutes fine.” Robin told her. 

“H-henry h-had a f-fever t-too. It’ll b-break.” she stuttered. 

“Henry’s fever wasn’t even over 100 and he didn’t have that cough.” Robin remarked as Regina launched into another coughing fit. “I think we should take you to a doctor.” 

“N-no. N-no doctor.” Regina pleaded. 

“Sweetheart, your fever is very high. Your cough sounds horrible and you haven’t had a proper meal in three days. I’m worried about you getting dehydrated.” Robin told her.  Once again, Regina just shook her head and burrowed further under the covers. Robin rolled his eyes at how stubborn she was being. He left the bedroom and went into the living room. 

“How’s Mom?” Henry asked as he lightly bounced Addy in his arms. 

“Not great. Her fever’s pretty high, but she’s refusing to see a doctor.” Robin told him. 

“Yeah. Mom’s never been a great patient.” 

“Is Mama gonna die?” Roland suddenly asked, his eyes full of tears. 

“No, of course not.” Robin said, taking his son into his arms. “Your mom is pretty sick right now but she’s going to get better.” 

“But my other mommy got sick and she went to Heaven. I don’t want Mama to go to Heaven.” Roland cried. 

“I promise my boy that your Mama will be just fine.” Robin told him. “Why don’t you make Mama a get well card for when she’s feeling better?” he suggested. That seemed to keep Roland distracted as he went to find his arts and craft supplies. 

“Do you really think she’ll be okay?” Henry asked. “Her cough sounds awful.” 

“I sure hope so, Henry.” Robin replied honestly. Right now, he felt that something was seriously wrong with Regina, but he didn’t know what. Later that night, Robin got a glimpse of just how sick Regina truly was. In the middle of the night, Regina sat up as she fought off another coughing fit. Robin instantly woke up and rushed into the bathroom to get her a cup of water. “Here love, drink this.” 

“R-Robin, I-I can’t breathe.” she said breathlessly. He could see that she was breathing fast. He placed a hand on her forehead and felt that she was burning up. He quickly grabbed the thermometer. He placed it under her armpit because there was no way that Regina was going to be able to keep it in her mouth with how fast she was breathing. The thermometer beeped and Robin was shocked. The number 103.9 reflected back at him. 

“That’s it. We’re going to the hospital.” Robin replied. Regina continued to cough and wheeze. She didn’t even argue with him which how Robin knew how sick she truly was. He called Snow and asked her to come over and watch the kids. She instantly agreed and said that she’d be over in fifteen minutes. However, Robin didn’t want to wait that long. He woke Henry up and told him that he was taking Regina to hospital and that he was in charge until Snow got to the house. With a blanket wrapped around her, Robin lifted a very sick Regina off the bed and held her close to his chest as he went out to the car. She felt like a furnace from her fever. He got her situated in the passenger seat and then got in himself. “We’re almost there.” Robin said while he was driving. “Just hang on.” 

“R-robin, I’m tired.” Regina muttered. 

“I know you are, my love.” Robin said. He pulled in front of the hospital and quickly raced to get Regina out. He tried to help her stand up, but her legs just buckled from beneath her. 

“I don’t feel good…” she muttered breaking off. Her eyes rolled back and Robin felt her begin to fall. He grabbed the unconscious woman and went into the hospital. 

“Help! Help! I need some help!” Robin yelled. Whale and two nurses ran over to him with a gurney. 

“What happened?” 

“She’s been fighting off a virus. Her fever has been quite high and she said that she couldn’t breathe.” Robin stammered out. “She just passed out.” 

“Alright, we’re gonna take care of her.” Whale told him. “I need vitals and we need to get an IV in her. Also, get a mask, she’s going to need some oxygen.” Whale and the nurses started working on her while Robin stood terrified in the corner of the room. 

“BP 130/90, Heart rate 130, Respirations 26 and Temperature of 104.” The nurse told Whale. 

“What’s her pulse ox?” 

“89” 

“Bump up her oxygen to 10 L.” Whale said. Robin watched as they slid a mask over Regina’s pale face and tried to give her some oxygen.  

“Robin, you can’t be here right now.” Whale said. 

“I-I can’t leave her!” 

“We need to get her stabilized. For now, I need you to leave.” Whale said sternly... Robin looked helplessly over to Regina. She looked awful. He wanted to stay but he knew he was just in the way so he left and went to the waiting room. As he left he heard Whale tell the nurses that they needed blood cultures and a CBC. He also watched the nurses run back into her room with cooling blankets to get her fever down. It seemed like forever, but eventually, Whale came out to where Robin was sitting. 

“How is she?” he asked. 

“She’s stable.” Whale said. “The labs reveal that she’s got bacterial pneumonia so we have her on IV antibiotics and fluids. Also because of the infection, she’s having a hard time breathing so she still has oxygen on.” 

“But she’ll be okay?” 

“Yes. She needs a lot of rest and to finish the course of antibiotics, but she should make a full recovery. Your lucky that you got her here when you did. Pneumonia can be truly nasty.” Whale told him. 

“Can I see her?” Robin asked. 

“Yes, you can.” Whale led Robin back to Regina’s room and he went inside. She looked so tiny and fragile in the bed. She looked nothing like his strong, extremely stubborn Regina that he was used to. He took a seat next to Regina’s bed and reached out for her hand. Eventually, Regina began to stir. 

“Robin?” she muttered from under the oxygen mask. 

“You’re alright.” he told her. “You’re in the hospital. You have pneumonia. How are you feeling?” 

“Tired.” She muttered. 

“I bet.” Robin replied with a laugh. “You don’t do things halfway, do you?” She watched a slight smile form on her face, but it disappeared suddenly when she let out a  harsh cough.“They’ve got you on antibiotics so you should start feeling better in a day or two.” 

“I have to stay in the hospital?” she asked. 

“Yes, I’m afraid so.” Robin told her. “You really scared me, Regina.” “I’m sorry.” she muttered. 

“I hope that you’ve learned from this experience that you need to take care of yourself. You know that the kids and I love you too much to see you like this again.” 

“I know. You’re right.” Regina amended. 

“Now I know you’re sick. You just agreed with me.” Robin replied with a laugh. 

“Where are the kids?” 

“At home with Snow.” Robin told her. 

“You should go be with them. Addy was still feeling sick and Roland will worry if we’re both gone.” 

“Snow can handle it.” Robin assured her. “Besides, I am not going anywhere,” he added, pressing a kiss to her still warm forehead. “I told you Regina, I’m with you...in sickness and in health.” Regina smiled and her eyes began to droop, the exhaustion once again hitting her. “Go to sleep, my love. I’ll be right here.” he told her. Regina once again fell asleep and Robin stayed by her side for the rest of the night. In the morning, Henry and Roland came to the hospital to visit. Snow stayed with Addy because they didn’t want her catching anything else because she was so young. Roland gave Regina his get well card, which made Regina’s heart burst with joy. On the front was a colorful drawing of the two of them and it said “Get Well Mama!” on the inside of the card. Despite feeling terrible, Regina couldn’t help but feel lucky. She truly had the best family on the planet and she knew that they would always be there for her, like she would be for them. With them by side, maybe, just maybe, Mom’s did get sick days too.