#just abt anything n everything really | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

i wna write

#🌙.rambles #just abt anything n everything really #even if it's not particularly good or just a dump from my messy head #i've always loved to write #yeah i've always been an open person in terms of how i express myself #i loved painting as well when i was a kid >.>#n i learned the piano too yeah music #but then aside from creatives i also performed well in school #i rmb it was mostly just probably a lack of recitation that maybe pulled me down a bit #bruh i've always been generally quiet but loud when i'm comfy huh #hmm one thing i like about myself is my intelligence #it's pretty balanced out just the way i've grown to like it. one way i love myself #i'm far from the smartest. i'm no genius. but i am naturally smart #part of my intelligence is my curiosity and capacity for deep emotions and my capability to learn quickly #but i'm somewhere in this weird clash of still 'fitting in' and feeling so out of place #it often feels like i don't belong in this world. with societal expectations n all that #i still perform well. i can't deny that. but it weighs me down n makes me do worse than i would have otherwise #i'm gna read n write more again. of all sorts of things #there's no end to what i want to learn from all aspects of life.#from stories to games to sciences to peoples to . everything #wah i have sm to do perhaps it wld be a waste to regret when i cld allocate that time for the future instead #costantly confused with an abundance of dilemmas and questions #it's interesting though. that's why i keep on going. there's so much more left to see and experience and learn and understand #i will not leave anything undone until i accomplish all that i can. i will not lose.#n along the way i hope to find more of myself. more meanign each n every time. people and memories. lessons and stories.#the vast depth of life intrigues me. even if i feel like i'm not a part of it then oh well i can observe from afar for now #someday i hope somewhere in myself i can finally allow myself to accept all that for me as well. properly. wholly #idk i have a habit of ending up treating things like work;; my innate sensitivity makes me overthink n overanalyze easily n. help wait #im doing that to myself again >.> idk i think i want to read more to see from other's perspectives #bcs most of what i know isn't actually from idk informative books. nah this is from my life n my thinking n emotions

1 note · View note

sideblogdotjpeg · 1 month

Text

i am not immune to launchpad sol and albin thoughts

#ramble tag #its so like. okay.#launchpad was when they 'peaked'. best years of their lives #the . i think what we canonically know happened at launchpad was like.#laquidditch (fun!) christmas special adventures (fun!)#and then . also #getting deeply bullied. sol lightly kidnapped to launchpad. lizer. claudius. 'you made us run until we threw up' 'im pretty sure he got off #on torturing kids'. literally what the fuck was their deal #getting stuck in a spiders web ???? for a semester ?????#......??? getting chased down by a vaccum cleaner ..........#'it got a lot darker near the end' ... fun pretend child endangerment #like . man.#not to sound CRAZY or anything. does anyone get the impression launchpad was like. a bad ? time ? for them ?? like. it just straight up. bad #by god does it rlly sound to me like #the feeling of when high school was so bad it made ur life a living hell to be in. and u were truly just. surviving #but then youd b goofing off w ur friends in a little dorm. and the stress and the exhaustion seems to color everything that isnt that.#in a beautiful hazy rosy golden film #it hurt but the hurt was monotonous and dull. so all u remember were those shining bright in betweens #sol and albie sneaking into the kitchen and enchanting the self moving cookingware and just seeing what happens #and watching mothership approved saturday morning cartoons in bed #and studying together late at night n sol tucks albin in after hes crashed from hiss allnighter #and passing notes in class #and all that free time over crittermas breaks to do stupid dares and long rambling conversations abt nothing #sol knits albie his first sweater #they have their first beer together #they come back after a really bad day for the both of them and lie on the floor and talk abt anything but that #albin practices spells on sol and its not a good or safe idea but its probably fine #albin pettily bitching about his assigned partner for an arcana class project and sol blindly tsking his side always #only wizards can check out library books and albie checks out all sols books for him #...... anyway

16 notes · View notes

lemongogo · 9 months

Text

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

48 notes · View notes

carcarrot · 10 days

Text

ok sitting down for a moment at disneyland. elaborating on the post-beat concert shenanigans in the tags

#for those of you invested in my silly misadventures #ok so .#there was the meet n greet earlier which as i said was short but very nice and i was squimshed against ade for the photo #AFTER THE SHOW . go around the concert venue to the area by the stage door #but unlike the beacon theatre we were a long ways away from the stage door it was the huge parking lot and we were fenced off #and based off of the spars concert from last year at the beacon where the guys just left after we waited for almost an hour #i didnt really expect the beat guys would come over or anything but i was willing to wait a while #and wait a while we did and then danny carey came out and eventually came over to us and was really sweet and signed stuff #he wasnt taking any photos but was very nice just like the epitome of fun drummer guy #waited a while more. doubting still that the other guys would come over #next was adrian! and being the absolute sweetie he is he did come over and everything abt him is true #hes just the most wondrous sweet guy ever. he was also radiating comforting dad energy bc that annoying prog fan was there again #and ade was kind of like nicely protective where i was w my friend #ade also liked my inner revolution shirt and remembered me from the meet n greet :)#waited a while more and then eventually steve vai came out and well im sorry what can i say . i was 😵‍💫#it didnt help that when he signed my poster (as the other guys had before him) that like. his hand was resting on my hand god anyway #im sorry. old men musicians are my number one weakness as anyone whos been following me knows #oh i had gotten a blurry photo w ade and then got a flash photo w steve. its horrifying <3 #we waited like an hour more for tony who was on a long ass phone call #but very nicely he came over too and somehow the photo w him turned out nicest. hes such a sweet polite guy #he also sounds like ron mael kinda lol #and thats my adventure!#and now ive spent an obscene amount to see em again. god

14 notes · View notes

toastsnaffler · 4 months

Text

dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....

#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date #but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo #i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them #to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad #i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends #but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd #which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf #this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found #their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them #i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media #like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends #also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute #ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole #im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee #.diaries

13 notes · View notes

keeps-ache · 29 days

Note

The OCs you posted recently look really cool- could you talk a bit about them? Maybe the antagonists as well?

!! oh thank you :D

suuure yea :>> it's a smaller, newer thing of mine so not a lot n some of it may change!! but here's some profiles lol,

✧ Tide (the square head; they/them) is some sort of creature thing who lives in a remnant of an old world that decayed a long time ago after finding themself trapped there (that changes after they meet the goddess). they're head over heels for the goddess that still remains in the corridors there and they're not very normal about it hbfhvs - they can't be killed by any regular shmegular means and i have fun with that loll

✧ Vernor (ponytail gal; she/her) i don't have a lot for her, but she ended up in the same place Tide did and is very upset about it, understandably. she's good a martial arts and cries easily, and is pretty suspicious of most strangers :) she has a small knife-thing that works like a witch's broom (you have to hold the little handle for dear life though lmao) but i haven't gotten around to drawing it so !

✧ Dire (red circle; he/him) was created by the aforementioned goddess to dump emotions/thoughts she didn't want into, and then just sent him on his way lmfvhsh - because of that he is confused most of the time and still pretends to know everything but is figuring things out for real lol :3👍he hates to change his clothing and is snappy, and the snappiness may get worse on personal proximity hbfshv

^ these three have a Thing goin on. mostly qpp cuz i think it's fun :33

✧ Sleepy (the antagonist, he/him) the elusive guy. elusive bc i haven't drawn him lmfsh - another budy trapped in this old chunk of a dead world, he is also upset about it but to a much more desperate extent lol - his name isn't actually Sleepy but Tide nicknamed him that when they first met and now he can't seem to shake it hfsh, he Does hate it :) he is violent but he can play nicies so he does that most time loll

✧ the goddess (only thing holding this world together, She/her/it (capitalization is optional :3)) has been here for ages, ages, ages. her world's been long dead but she just keeps living for the monotony of it hfsh; plus, it's like her job never ended if she just keeps doing the same regular things she always did. bc of that it's actually preserved her chunk of annihilation, and sucks other creatures in w/o her knowing. the chunk is like a maze that keeps changing shape, so unless you can see it from a god's eyes the place is iiiiiinfinite! and terrible; the place changes to her moods and wishes, which can be interpreted p strangely lol :3 she's talked to and kept Tide around bc she needed somebody to deal with all these weird people coming into her dang house, and it's worked out fairly well (dubious)! :D

the world-chunk is inspired by vaporwave, abandoned malls, and the distinct smell of chlorine my mother has sometimes loll :)

#just us hi #a dollar and 75 cents #HELLO #thanks for asking. here are many words bfhsvkk #the main 3 have their little powers too but i'm still workshopping those n they aren't so important really lol :)#they're kinda my 'neutral' project so if i get stuck and can't pick anything i wanna do/think abt i just default to them hfh :>>#also tide can go by any pronouns but i am/was tired. depending on whose talking abt them they'll change sometimes hfsbhv #vernor made everyone in the group a lesbian by default so everyone say thanks vernor lmvjskvj #dire is trans 💥💥💥 was created and immediately went 'do we have other options' and She went '? yeah' 'well let's see them' kfsvhb #sleepy was transported here in his PJs n that's how he got that funkin name hfbvsj <3 he's got good reasons for everything but Aaaaawful #methods lolll - he n tide were semi-close but then Uh Ohh !! he went and did a thing hfh :)#the goddess pretends like it doesn't see anything but She is LOCKED in. laser-focused. next to nothing is escaping her #despite being the goddess here she can't harm anybody; thaaat's another reason for tide lol :3 #mmm and i think i only missed Diane; diane lives in a place that never moves and nearly anyone can find when they need to #i think the goddess loves her n that's why she doesn't move hfshb :3 #//ANYWHO yeah. stuff #this is one of my smaller projects...#can you imagine how unmanageable pi.e is Lmaoooo #//THANKS for the ask and interest ! ! ! :D #[spins spins throws glitter on you spins]

4 notes · View notes

seventh-district · 5 months

Text

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

12 notes · View notes

motherforthefamicom · 2 months

Text

finally got the new desk set up in my room and cleaned out my dresser nd closet (had barely touched anything in there for Literal Years cuz of how much of a mess they were). feels surreal

#we still gotta figure out a new chair situation cuz the one ive been using #is Not Good its this awful office chair my dad had since before i was even born and its the most uncomfortable thing ever #also theres still a lot in my room that needs to be cleaned…….namely everything on top of the dresser XD #nd i gotta sort out a lot of my closet still ive been using it to store all my art n stuff for years its piled up so much stuff #that ive been meaning to get more organized AND scanned since its just. so much theres no real way i could take all of it #whenever i end up moving out.. i want to be able to still look back on it even if its not all physical #i found some goofy stuff while throwing out these old binders frm middle school i might post em #inquisitivewaltz.txt #realizing as im typing this out its a little. silly that this feels like such a big accomplishment #my rooms been fucking disgusting and an absolute mess for years now and im not very good at taking care of. well anything #so little stuff like this feels sorta relieving like. im kind of getting my life together in some sorta way #idk #oh wait also we didnt end up having to move as much as originally expected which im #pretty happy about i was really reluctant abt getting the new desk purely cuz itd completely alter the layout of my room #….which isnt very good rn but i didnt want to have to deal w the new thing i know for a fact what my parents had planned wouldve been worse #also the new desk has shelves so have more room to put shit and itll hopefully be actually more organized instead of #just throwing things onto my dresser and forgetting it even existed in the first place becuz it gets completely buried by everythint else

3 notes · View notes

netherdevil · 2 months

Text

unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head

#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow #i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect #hEeEeLP MEeEeEE #i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me #SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK #i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn #like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid #plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask #i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is #or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever #okay speakijg of his face reveal #i have something i want to explain to the wall #a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488 #the rest of me is neutral because idrc #the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features #it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all #idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it #I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character #that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much #but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling #anyway back to what i was saying #hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl #IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY #DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN #i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U #IM SO NORMAL #also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE #DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY

5 notes · View notes

fadeintoyou1993 · 3 months

Text

forcing myself to not give a fuck is kinda stunning like ill start feeling guilty or self conscious about something that is literally NOT MY FAULT and ill just force myself to go like. who cares its literally not my problem 😭 and ill feel like. Wait yeah. it literally isnt my problem. and ill feel a little better until it happens again 5 minutes later-

#txt #its so weird idk why i need to be okay w everyone n everything at every second but im trying so hard to let that go #like can i do anything abt it? no i cant. so why the fuck am i obsessing over it so much its literally not that serious ever...#i just genuinely convince myself in my brain that every small issue is life or death and its really not.

3 notes · View notes

bright-and-burning · 4 months

Text

something that’s actually pissed me off lowkey w some of my irl friends recently (and this is actually like just a stupid rant lol idk) is they like. refuse to read adult fiction now??? i’ll try to recommend books (and im talking like. books that are very up their alley. or even are YA/YA adjacent! just not from when we were twelve!) they’re like “oh idk im just gonna reread divergent.” which like. is fine. but they’re dragging everyone else along w them? like my old roommates just made one of our friends reread all of harry potter. they’re all 23!!!!!! like hello. even ignoring the *hand waves* everything abt that. they won’t watch new movies, they won’t read new books, it’s so. i was like oh you would really like this book, i actually own it i could lend it to you! etc etc to one friend and she was like oh well im actually rereading the hunger games series rn… and then i promised [friend] i’d reread percy jackson… and it’s like. this is why there are no new ip movies……. you can like what you like!!! but why is the only regular large hangout of our college friends someone getting several ppl to reread all of fucking harry potter and then watching each movie when they’ve finished that book. i don’t go ! bc jkr is fucking evil and it’s stupid ! and every time we hang out otherwise it’s like making fun of the one friend for not finishing it fast enough or talking abt what movie’s next etcetc and it’s like oh my god. can you please experience something new

#i think this actually comes from a frustration w them #for refusing to make new friends. basically. lol #they just like. don’t want to do anything new!!!!#they want to watch old disney movies and read books that everyone was obsessed w in middle school #and rewatch greys anatomy six times over and never go out #bc why would you make new friends in ur twenties if u have college friends in the same area. eyeroll #everything is abt returning to simultaneously being 12 (media wise) and being 20 (friendship/hang out wise)#idk i can feel myself getting distant from everyone and it’s really upsetting bc i don’t have irl friends really in this city #outside of work! but it’s hard when they all have cars n live in the WAY suburbs and do things like #host a movie night a two hour bus trip out of the city w thirty minutes notice on a tuesday night.#and also when this one girl makes me craaazy lol.#maybe i need bumble bff

4 notes · View notes

sucrose-soymilk · 1 year

Text

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow #Seven’s Small Thoughts #not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary #and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much #i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know #i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else #which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways #and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog #i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t #nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty #anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah #i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently #it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy #maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get #i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller #and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available #which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless #that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine #trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip #i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly #eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it

10 notes · View notes

transfemzedaph · 8 months

Text

hm

#posting this here. just. cause.#i just uagh i feel so bad i feel like a) no one cares abt me b) no one even likes me #and like idk i also feel like everyone hates everything i make or like all of my writing is like shit idk bc no one ever really like #says anything about it. like even in rbs mostly ppl either say nothing or just tag the people like idk.#i feel like no one even reads my writing and just like ignores it n shit #which makes me feel like even worse bc some of these im like really proud of and all of them took time and effort and idk #reccently w this blog i have been feeling kinda like lonely which makes no sense but idk i think im just having a not great time mentally #whatever

6 notes · View notes

unproduciblesmackdown · 10 months

Text

The Billions Showrunners Go To See Bway Bmc like lgw "the problem has always been me" and they look at each other approvingly and nod like now he's getting it :) and then the squip's deactivated and everyone's embracing the realities of being a person and rejecting the idea there can be, should be, and is a set of standards to meet to get everything you want and preclude yourself from being mistreated and they're like nooo what a powerful tragedy :(

#then the nyt critic listens in on their conversation like Jot That Down Jot That Down ''jeremy deserved to stay In Crisis & bullied''#it'll be a lingering irritation with billions just like w/any other work that is supposed to earnestly engage w/anything But Then #is ultimately / reverts to being about Vibes instead when it was in fact not meant to be a work ultimately about vibes #like good news i in turn earnestly engaged with your work. that's why it's on sight #winston billions #bmc #was gonna say obviously don't know if anyone from billions went to bmc but No....daniel k isaac confirmedly did lol iconique #can't fathom the thoughts the showrunners would really have lmao #just like i have to assume their thoughts abt will as jared was the typical/superficial ''wow guy we find bothersome rude & undeserving!''#maybe it wasn't maybe it wasn't....but they did only give him a would've been one time bit part whose job was to be so rude & undeserving #like jk save for tossing in an inadvertent? misgendering of taylor for good measure quant kid 2 was wholly in the right #having him be an object to be crumpled up & thrown into the trash was Their intended bookend. but really it's that wags should die #and that winnie n tay was everything. the way quant kid 2 wasn't meant to be a character in 3x03 #winston was barely handled as a preexisting character in 7x03 besides the [object to be crushed] & [computers?] angles #Except the flickers of specific interaction w/taylor; totaling like 3s overall fr; were what was most like ''yeah he's someone specific''#anyway again ''you were purporting to make something about anything but ran over that w/your Vibes Based approach in the end'' annoyance #couldn't lose in s4....yearning to be able to film winston more; which would've been him being [winston: __ everyone: get his ass]#but b/c he wasn't very available winston is presumed locked in a supply closet somewhere not invited to meetings or gatherings. works too #k&l surprised at ppl not picking up on an intended Literal Death Exception to think not Everything the main epic winner does is epic win #like well yeah sure but your show was then in fact about how all that really matters in the end was being in the superior Winner class #whereupon it's then not about your actions & their consequences so much as it's about your feelings & intentions #and it's not so much about That (relevant specifics expire 6 eps later or by the end of the season) as it is abt being that Winner #then thinking losers Could get organic aba (abuse forcing compliance) like well yeah of course!#the classic excuse about a hypothetical Conversion into winnerdom/correctness to uno reverse blame/responsibility #anyways like i said it's on sight; a testiment to that attentive & earnest enough engagement w/your work out here lmao #everything Else abt billions making it more & more incredible they had Taylor in the midst of it all #but by in fact going ''this character is supposed to Contrast w/usual 'winner' traits'' you Do disrupt that Vibes Based approach #and ofc can't consider some kind of ''oh nooo they've become fr thee Typical winner'' b/c failed step one they stay nonbinary #casting winston just as serendipitously more than billions deserved or could handle #will roland acting it tf up right away even w/quant kid 2 in a way the writing would never step up to lmfao. beautiful

5 notes · View notes

weirdlizard26 · 1 year

Text

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!!#i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

4 notes · View notes

hua-fei-hua · 1 year

Text

*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*

yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...

#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like.#more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh.#(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something)#why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc #speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week #it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable #they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way #n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it'#n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL #n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female #so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender #but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk #花話 #anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer #Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier #(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word)#(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O')#when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer'#i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that.#anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning

6 notes · View notes