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nowis-scales · 2 years ago

Note

Reverse unpopular opinion on Fates? (Or if it's too general, just Corrin!)

This ask is in relation to this post.

I’m a menace to this fanbase at this point, so I’ll do both!

For Fates in general, I… just… so much. So much. The drama, the world, the tiny details, the way they weave in little bits of character intrigue… it’s wonderful! I love it! I’m going to actually have to stop myself from going on a rant about every individual thing, because there’s so much I can talk about, and it would probably be filled with a lot of trivia. Still, I’ll try to hit as much as I can without going too far.

I believe I’ve mentioned it before, but I am absolutely in love with the nature of the choice made in Fates. There’s always been some kind of discourse on which side one should choose, but the fact of the matter to me is that they both make reasonable sense. I know I’d be swayed to join the Hoshidans based on my empathy for their situation and their clear affection for “me”. At the same time, though, I might join the Nohrians because I’ve been where they were with people like Garon before — and I might want to help them create that change from the inside the best way I know how, and of course I’d want to be with the people I love. They’re both such good choices, but that’s what makes them difficult! That’s why we even bicker about what’s best in the first place!

And don’t get me started on the drama the choice creates. I’m sure I’ve made the joke before, but I’m the kind of person who hates drama in real life, but absolutely loves it in my fiction. Lucky for me, Fates is full of that good fictional drama. Even the things that don’t seem like they could be much to toy with turn out to be pretty big things. Take the fractured relationship between the Hoshidan siblings, for example. It doesn’t seem like it might be that much beyond some character intrigue at first (which I personally eat up anyway), but it ends up being a major catalyst in Conquest as well as playing a big role in Birthright. Most of the decisions taken within Fates to create drama are used to tell you a lot about its characters — you learn the depths of Flora’s self-hatred through her demise, about Hinoka’s steadfastness when fighting against her own siblings, about Xander’s quiet desperation for Garon’s return to normalcy… it kills me that so many of these things were tampered with by the localization team because they’re just so good! There is absolutely no fear of making you feel bad for what you’re doing in the game, and I would argue that there’s often times where they’re more subtly telling you that even your favourites probably aren’t the great people you might think they are. And I think that’s something that really captures the essence of what it’s like to be at war, but also to be the person caught between. It’s knocked for not being morally grey, but of the games I’ve played, I’ve found that it’s probably one of the ones that’s more willing to confront characters acting poorly.

Speaking of that, one of the things I really, really love is that they tell you information about the world through a lot of tiny details. They don’t just vomit a bunch of information on you; they work to weave it into the little things. You don’t outright hear that Silas tends to get too absorbed in gossip as a consequence of being the guy everyone likes, but after a few support conversations, you start to notice it. You might not recognize that Felicia is actually really emotionally intelligent, but after a few supports, you realize that she’s prone to the words “don’t you lie to me” and can almost always figure out when people are putting up a front. Even with the localization’s attempts at scrubbing Hoshido of its sexism, it actually turns out that it cannot be erased — because it always shines through, whether it’s Reina telling her life story or Hinata remarking on the abnormality of the female samurai or Takumi’s fixation on physical strength or Ryoma’s overall self-expression being aloof at best and a burning rage at worst. They build all of these little things into the text, and I love just picking them out and examining them like I’m mining for gemstones.

The best part about some of these tiny details, too, is that they’re not even just story-related. They bury them in the mechanics, as well. Like have you ever noticed that more of the Nohrian royal siblings are pre-promotes than the Hoshidan ones because they’re supposed to be more well-versed in war? Or how Charlotte’s heart seal makes her class into a troubadour, suggesting that she really does have a heart of gold beneath her rough exterior? Even the way money is used in the game, with the Hoshidans positively rolling in it and the Nohrians having to manage a tight budget, is a show of care for these small details. They don’t shy away at all from implementing the details of character and world building into the way they actually structure the game, which I think is really interesting!

I could probably go on forever if you let me, but these are just some of my favourite things that the game comes out with. Fates really speaks to me because even if it’s not the perfect FE game, I can still feel the love that those who worked on it put into it. It’s absolutely not without its merits, and I love it to pieces for what it is.

As for Corrin, well, I’m gonna offer a particularly hot take in opening my gush about Corrin: for some people, it seems as if the reason why they don’t like Corrin is simply because they are not Ike. For me, though, that’s precisely why I like Corrin. While there’s nothing wrong with protagonists like Ike, I find they’re much more common due to their obvious popularity, so seeing someone who’s more about being heroic in a soft and gentle way has always interested me. In particular, I think what stands out about Corrin’s nature is the way that it is so integrated into the choices they have to make. Their decision is already so difficult, but to put so much energy into caring for others, avoiding hurt, and just generally wanting the world to be a better place — while having seemingly no choice that will allow you to do just that — it really plays into the struggle of the situation. Corrin’s gentle-hearted nature is what gives them power as a protagonist, because they’re not willing to just throw in the towel and do only what makes them happiest. They still want to go out of their way to try and help everybody, even if it’s not good for them, even if it causes them a whole lot of pain in the end. Their biggest concern is still how they can come out with the best outcome for the scenario.

And honestly, I think something is added by the fact that Corrin is sometimes obviously wildly out of their depth! Sometimes they make decisions that are a little ridiculous, or may not be the most clever choice at the time, because it adds a layer of humanity and jives well with their backstory. A kid raised in a tower is not going to have instant leadership qualities. While Corrin does have things like caring and charisma going for them, they’re more than able to cause trouble if they don’t think about how their actions as a leader will affect others. They’re not so thoughtless as to willingly fling soldiers into danger, but they stick tightly to their own moral code. I think that in terms of relatability, going for this kid who’s out of their depth but still trying their best to make a better future is a great thing for a protagonist. The fact of the matter is, that’s what a lot of us would be in Corrin’s situation, so as an Avatar character it does make sense to have them be this way. I think Corrin’s gentleness and humanity are overly dismissed as unhelpful and boring, but the fact of the matter is, it’s much more genuine than a lot of the other stuff out there. There’s no attempt to make the ultimate cool guy that everyone will love — there’s an attempt to make someone who’s more of a person.

Overall, both Fates itself and Corrin deserve more credit for being what they are. Sometimes we become some absorbed by all of the things we think are bad that we can’t even see all of the amazing stuff in front of us, and I think that with a little more time and attention, more people might recognize that there are actually some pretty great things in Fates that deserve their respect. As someone who loves this game deeply, I’m glad that there are people out there who are willing to give it a chance... or maybe even more than one!

#fire emblem fates #fe corrin #unsuspecting-person asks

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monako-jinn-stories · 2 years ago

Text

Crosshair X Fem!Reader FanFic

It Started With a Vacation

Main Master List

Story Master List

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Five

After you put your daughter to bed, you began to get ready to sleep as well. As you got ready, you kept a holotransceiver on, with the other end being in the nursery so you could hear if Cyar’ika started to cry. You took your time, allowing yourself to fully relax after your day. You decided to take a bath, adding a bunch of bubbles, and letting the world around you fade as you rested.

You hadn’t realized it, but you’d fallen asleep in the tub, and when you awoke, you instantly sat up. You sensed something strange, and when you grabbed your holotransceiver, you heard soft cries coming from it. When you realized your daughter was upset, you jumped out of the tub, threw on a robe, and made your way to her.

When you walked into the nursery, her cries weren’t much louder than they had been through the device. She instantly quieted in your arms when you grabbed her, and she looked up at you with wet cheeks. The sight reminded you of your last morning with Crosshair, and you had to fight back your own tears.

“It’s okay, Cyar’ika,” you whispered, holding her closer. “It’s okay. I’m here.” She made a little noise, and you gently rocked her in your arms. When she fidgeted in your hold, you pulled her back slightly to look at her better.

“What’s the matter, hmm? What does my little cyare need?” She wiggled again, and you decided to check her. Sure enough, she needed a change, and so you did your best to do exactly as Ahni had taught you. Once done, you carried her out onto your balcony again, and watched as she gazed up at the stars. Her eyes sparkled in wonder as she looked at the night sky, and in that moment you knew you’d made the right choice. Having your little girl was the best decision you’ve ever made, and you couldn’t wait to see her grow. Even with the war still raging, you’d use any spare seconds you got to be with her.

As you rocked her in the night air, Cyar’ika started to drift back to sleep. You gently brushed her thin hair back, and you watched her mouth part slightly. You wished Crosshair could be here, experiencing this with you. You felt a sharp pang of regret at the thought, and closed your eyes to once again fight back the tears.

This wasn’t fair, you weren’t being fair. Not to Cyar’ika or Crosshair. Your daughter deserved to have her dad in her life, and Crosshair deserved to know about his daughter and see her when he could. Keeping this secret would create a divide later, one that you aren’t sure you’ll be able to heal. You doubted Crosshair would understand if you waited too long, but you also don’t think he’d react well if you told him right away about why you’d really been here, and why you’d kept it secret.

You sighed, stopping your thoughts for long enough to put your baby back in her crib before heading to your room. Once there, you began to think again. You’d made a bad decision with keeping this secret, and what will the consequences be when Crosshair finds out? When will you tell him? What will you do if it goes bad?

You groaned, dragging your hands down your face before dropping them to your sides. It all would have been easier if you’d just been honest, but now you’re not sure if you could be. The threat of the war was still present, and the things that might be done if the wrong people found out that Crosshair, a soldier of the GAR, had fathered a child worried you all the same.

But you also knew you couldn’t let yourself get worked up over this, because it would affect you and your baby. You needed to have a clear mind for her, and for the 17th when you got back. Being distracted in battle is the last thing you needed, because then Cyar’ika wouldn’t have either of her parents. And, you didn’t want her to pick up on your stress or anxiety either, because you didn’t know how it’d affect her health and mind.

In the morning, you managed to keep those thoughts away and focus on spending time in the moment with her. Your mind lingered on the feelings of warmth and bonding that washed over you as you held your small daughter in your arms. When her eyes twinkled up at you, your whole heart felt full of love at the sight of the most magnificent person in all of the galaxy.

A gentle knock at the door had your attention, and you turned to look towards it. Codo softly walked in and had the same big smile that he’d worn last night.

“I hope she slept well,” he said, walking over to the two of you.

“Yes, she didn’t wake me much,” you replied, brushing her hair back from her eyes. “I still can’t get over her.”

“I don’t think parents do ever get over their children,” he chuckled, “nor do grandparents.”

“I’m glad you love her so much, even though I didn’t really ask if you wanted to be her grandfather, I just decided for you.”

“My ad’ika,” Codo said, turning you to look at him, “you are my daughter, not by blood but by bond and love. You know I’d do anything for you and yours.”

“Thank you, Codo,” you said, smiling up at him before letting him take Cyar’ika into his arms. “Would you be able to watch her for a bit? Kwol and I have an early meeting, and I have a feeling you want to bond with her.”

“Of course I can, I would be thrilled to spend some time with my bu’ad,” he replied, gently poking her nose. Her face scrunched up in the cutest way that looked exactly as Crosshair’s did whenever you would poke his nose. Each similarity you noticed between them pushed a little deeper on your heart, but a knowing and supportive look from Codo told you that he knew how you felt, and would continue to stand by your side throughout your decision.

“Great,” you said, smiling down at your daughter. “I’ll comm you when I’m done and come get her.” Codo nodded and then you turned and left, leaving him to babysit.

“So, my little princess, what shall we do?” Cyar’ika wiggled in his arms, an uncomfortable expression coming to her tiny face. “Now, what’s that face for? Do you not like being held by your ba’buir?” Cyar’ika wiggled again and made a small noise, causing Codo to tilt his head as he thought. He brought her a bit closer and took a sniff, and then held her back again as realization hit.

“So I see your mother decided to leave me with diaper duty,” he said, before adding, “no pun intended.” She just blinked up at him in response to his joke, a blank expression on her face. Codo just gave a small chuckle and shook his head, carrying the little bundle over to get changed. When he was all done, he lifted her up and smiled at her, causing her to let out a tiny giggle. His heart warmed at the sound, everything about her was perfect. Codo had always had a sweet spot for babies and children, and little Cyar’ika was even more special to him. He saw so much of you in her, and he knew she’d grow up to be just as strong and fierce as both you and Crosshair, possibly even more so. She would have a heart full of endless love and would fight fiercely for those she loved.

“What shall we do now, my little one?” Codo asked, looking down at her as he spoke. She just cooed in response, and he looked around the room while he thought.

“Ah, I know,” he said, moving her to rest on his hip while he walked over to grab something. Using his free hand, he used the force to carry a few bottles of milk behind him as he left the room. He then headed to his own room, and set the bottles inside of a belt with bottle carriers. Codo set Cyar’ika down for a second while he put it on, and then picked her back up with a smile.

“All we need now is to get you a little sunhat and we’ll be ready to go,” he said, tossing her up gently before catching her. She let out an excited squeal and waved her arms as Codo tossed her again before leaving the room.

Codo searched for Ahni as he carried Cyar’ika through the halls. He knew she’d have a baby hat stored away somewhere, and thought it would be better to ask for one instead of looking for it himself. He also wanted to take Cyar’ika through the palace, giving her a sort of tour of the home she would be growing up in.

“Ah, there you are,” Codo said as he found Ahni in the kitchen. She turned and smiled at him, her eyes lighting up even more as she saw Cyar’ika in his arms.

“What are you two up to?” she asked, walking over to brush a gentle hand over Cyar’ika’s cheek.

“I was wanting to take her out to sit in the gardens, but I was wondering if I could borrow a little sunhat for her so she doesn’t get burnt.”

“Of course! Though the ones I have might fit a bit weird because she doesn’t have lekku.”

“As long as it protects her from the sun, it’ll be fine,” Codo replied, and Ahni nodded before leading him to get one.

“Would you mind if I joined you? I was hoping to have a talk with you about something that’s been on my mind for…a while,” she said as they walked to her closet, and Codo agreed. Once they found a hat that would fit the best, the three of them went out to the gardens and sat down, relaxing in the nice weather.

“What are you wanting to talk about, my dear?”

“Y/n, actually,” Ahni replied. “I’m just…worried.”

“Worried?”

“Yes. As a mother, she should be around her child as much as possible, especially when they’re first born and growing. I know she has duties as a Jedi and a general, but I don’t want her to miss out on any of Cyar’ika’s life, especially not the important moments.”

“I know, I do not wish for that either, but it is a sacrifice she must make. She knew that having her child would come with these complications, but her love for Cyar’ika will overcome any lost time. And if luck is on our side, the war will be over soon enough, and she’ll be able to bring Crosshair home to meet his child.”

“I still don’t know if she made the right choice keeping his daughter a secret. I understand she wants to protect him, but it’s just…complicated.”

“Everything about y/n’s life seems to be complicated. From the time I met her to now, nothing has seemed easy.”

“It certainly hasn’t been,” Ahni agreed. “She deserves a break, though.”

“Hopefully she will get one when the war is over,” Codo said.

“Yes, hopefully,” Ahni repeated. A silence fell over them as they sat there, looking around and down at Cyar’ika as she drank from one of the bottles Codo had brought. He could sense that something was on Ahni’s mind, but didn’t push for her to talk about it. A few minutes went by as they sat there, each in their own thoughts, before Ahni finally spoke.

“I don’t think y/n should go back, I think she should stay here and raise her daughter.”

“I’m afraid that isn’t possible. She would have to leave the Order, and we both know she would never give up being a Jedi.”

“But this is something that’s worth it. This is her child, surely she loves her more than she loves fighting.”

“Of course she does, but she also believes that being a Jedi is what she’s meant to do. Cyar’ika was a surprise, a welcome one, but a surprise nonetheless. She is making changes and will be visiting at least once a standard week, if not more. It will be hard, but I believe she can do it.”

“I hope you’re right,” Ahni sighed, looking away from the baby to gaze out at the rest of the palace grounds, “because she’s going to need all the support she can get.”

“You and Kwol will support her, correct?” Codo asked, and Ahni looked back at him, eyes slightly wide in shock at his words.

“Of course we will, we’re her best friends. Our entire lives we’ve supported each other, and we wouldn’t dream of not doing so.”

“And if she asks for your help?”

“We will provide it.”

“Good, because she’ll need all that she can get,” Codo said. “And Ahni?”

“Yes?” she asked, looking back at him again.

“You are the greatest mother I’ve ever known. Y/n looks up to you, and I know she’ll be asking for your advice and help more than anyone else. Ringo and Tayah are perfect examples of your skills. Both of them are strong and brave, able to make life-changing decisions for themselves at a young age. I hope you are able to spread that to y/n and Cyar’ika.”

“I will do anything for them, Codo. Thank you. Hearing that means…a lot.”

“I know, my dear,” Codo said, wrapping his free arm around her and pulling her into a side hug. “I’m proud of you. I consider you one of my sama’s as well.”

“And you my kora,” Ahni replied with a smile. After a few more quiet minutes, the two fell into another conversation and took turns holding Cyar’ika as they waited for you and Kwol’s meeting to end.

After your meeting, you went back to your room to grab your holotransceiver, when it started to go off. You answered it and were greeted by a group of eager faces with bright smiles. You smiled and shook your head at them, but were delighted nonetheless.

“Y/n!” the boys of Jawa Squad all said, and you laughed at their excitement.

“Hello boys, what are you up to?”

“We’re on our way to come meet the little one and see who the favorite uncle really is,” Steele said.

“Hey! We were going to surprise her, you di’kut!” Hex said, giving his brother a light slap on the head.

“Ow! I forgot! You don’t have to hit me!”

“I slapped you with barely any force. It was more of a swat.”

“Well I’m not a bug, so you don’t need to swat me.”

“So, how long will it be until you guys get here?” you asked, interrupting their banter.

“We’re about to land right now, actually. Once Tie gets back into the pilot’s seat,” Sans stated.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Tie grumbled, leaving the area and, you assumed, sitting back in his seat.

“How are you feeling?” Aid asked, moving to be in view.

“A little tired, and sore obviously, but not too bad,” you replied.

“You’re going to take it easy and not rush back into things, right?”

“Yes, Medic. I will be responsible and take care of myself,” you said in an almost mocking tone.

“I may be a medic, but that’s not why I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to because I’m your friend.”

“You know that you guys are more like family to me than friends,” you replied with a smile.

“Ouch, first you date another guy, then you have his baby, and now you family zone me,” Sans said, and you just laughed and rolled your eyes at his comment.

“We’re leaving hyperspace, and about to break through the atmosphere. Might want to strap in, boys,” you heard Tie call.

“Alright, we’ll see you in a minute, mesh’la,” Sans said before you nodded and ended the holocall. You went to the hangar, seeing Codo on the way and taking Cyar’ika from him as you went to greet the troopers. When you walked in, the ship’s boarding ramp was starting to descend, but the boys were already running and jumping from it, racing to get to you.

“I want to hold her first!” Steele said.

“Too bad, I’m closer!” Tie countered

“That’s not fair! I called dibs!” Aid complained.

“It’s up to y/n to decide who gets to hold her first,” Hex stated.

“Yeah, and she’s obviously going to pick me,” Sans said matter-of-factly.

“None of you are going to be able to hold her unless you can act mature,” you said, and they all stopped running as they reached you.

“I was acting the most mature out of all of us,” Hex stated, and the others all gave him a look. “What? It’s true.”

“He’s got a point,” you said, before walking up to him and handing him Cyar’ika. His eyes widened and his grin grew as he looked down at her. The others leaned over and looked at her as well, gasps and awes coming from them as she giggled up at her group of uncles.

“Now, who wants to hug me fir-” Before you even finished your sentence, the others all surged forwards and tried to hug you, which resulted in a group hug that Hex kept Cyar’ika from being squished in.

“I guess you all do,” you said, slightly breathless. Once they released you, you hugged them all individually as they passed Cyar’ika around. Everyone’s eyes brightened and smiles widened when she was in each of their arms. They all instantly fell in love with your little bundle of joy, and were already coming up with their own nicknames for her. You just smiled as you watched, enjoying how much your little family was quickly bonding with each other.

When Cyar’ika’s giggles filled the room, all the uncles looked at her with so much adoration that you swore you felt their hearts bursting through the force. They kept passing her around, everyone wanting more time to hold her. Eventually, you told them it was time to lay her down for a nap, and so they followed you to her room.

“She looks so perfect in here,” Aid said.

“I know, you guys did an amazing job helping me decorate,” you replied.

“Yeah, but we still need to fix the ‘favorite uncle’ label,” Tie commented.

“You’re all the favorite uncles,” you countered.

“We can’t all be favorites, that’s not how it works,” Sans said.

“She doesn’t know that, she’s just a baby, and she needs to sleep, so leave,” you said, shooing them from the room. “Now, you’re not only here for her, are you?”

“Of course not, we’re here for Kwol and Ahni as well,” Steele joked.

“Haha, real funny,” you said, playfully elbowing him in the side. He just chuckled and tossed his arm over your shoulder, squeezing you into a brief side hug.

“What do you guys want to do, then?” you asked as you walked through the halls.

“Well, since it’s getting close to dinner time, why don’t we take you out to town?” Hex suggested.

“Yeah, you can have your first night back out with your troopers,” Sans added.

“I will go out, but I’m not drinking or staying out too long. Cyar’ika will still need me in a couple hours.”

“Ah, right, you have a baby,” Steele said.

“Did you forget already? Wasn’t she the main reason you came to visit?”

“No, I didn’t forget, I’m just not used to you having that kind of responsibility to keep you from having fun.”

“I can still have fun without drinking,” you countered.

“Why don’t we just go to Mrs. Dure’s?” Aid suggested.

“Oh yes! Please can we go to Mrs. Dure’s!” Tie exclaimed, excitement covering his and his brothers’ features.

“Sure,” you laughed, and they all cheered in response. “Just don’t cause a big ruckus, I’m trying to keep news of Cyar’ika quiet, and you know how Mrs. Dure feels about lots of noise.”

“We’ll be on our best behavior,” Sans said, giving you a salute.

“Somehow I don’t believe you,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Ah, as long as I’m with them, they’ll be kept straight,” Hex said, giving you a wink.

“Yeah, except only one of us is,” Steele joked.

“I am the token straight of Jawa Squad,” Sans responded. “And I’m your biggest ally and defender.”

“And we thank you for your service,” Aid said with an eye roll. “Now, back to dinner.”

“Is she even going to remember us?” Tie asked as you all walked out. You laughed at his question, giving him a look.

“Of course she’ll remember you, she asks about you every time I come visit. Actually, she’s been wondering when you were planning on visiting her. She said it’s been too long and you boys should know better.”

“Well we better hurry then, shouldn’t we?” Sans said, gently grabbing your arm and beginning to pull you along. “Don’t want to keep her waiting any longer.”

“You’re just rushing because you want her soup!” Hex called after him before the rest began to hurry after you and Sans.

As you walked through the city, people spared you brief looks before going back to their business. It was no secret that you, their queen, was also a Jedi general, and your troopers were also well known throughout your home planet. When they visited, kids often wanted to spend time with them, hearing their stories of battles and admiring their armor. It always brought you joy when your citizens treated them so kindly, much different from how people often treated them on Coruscant and other worlds, where they’re only sent to help.

“So, how is Tayah doing without Ringo around?” Hex asked as you walked beside him. “Is she missing him?”

“Well, I think that’s a guarantee,” you said, “but she’s okay. I think she’s finally starting to move into a part of life where she isn’t always with him. I’ve taught her a bit with the force and how to use it for gardening, which she really enjoys.”

“She always did strike me as a future botanist,” Hex chuckled. “I’m glad she’s okay. I can’t imagine my life without my brothers. Any of them. These boys are…well, they’re my brothers. My vod. Losing Bomber was just…I don’t think I’ll ever really be over it.”

“You know, you guys and the Batch have your differences, but you’re also similar in ways. I know they also can’t imagine life without each other, and would do anything to help one another. I can imagine the pain they’d be in would be similar to yours if they lost one of their members.”

“I think that’s how pretty much every trooper is raised. The Kaminoans treat us in ways that we can’t stand to see others suffer through, and it drives us closer together because it happens to all of us.”

“I wish there was more I could do to help,” you sighed.

“You’re doing more than enough. More than most people,” Hex said, setting a hand on your shoulder. “As long as you speak out and up about our deserved rights, you’re doing enough.”

“Thanks,” you replied, smiling weakly. “It just doesn’t feel like enough.”

“I have a feeling that, in time, it will be,” Hex assured you before smiling and nodding forwards. “Looks like we made it.”

“Certainly sounds like we did,” you said as the others started getting louder and rushed to the door. You just laughed with Hex before quickly joining them. There were only a couple other people inside when you walked in, and no one paid much attention to the boisterous men that you followed. Only after they all stood at the counter did Mrs. Dure come from the back to greet everyone.

“Ah, well, if it isn’t Jawa Squad, finally coming back to see me after so long,” she said, tucking her towel into her apron and folding her arms over her chest as she looked at them.

“Mrs. Dure, you know we wouldn’t have stayed away so long if we had a choice,” Steele countered.

“Yeah, we would come visit you every day if we could,” Sans said.

“And not just because we love your soups and treats, but because we love you,” Tie added.

“Hmm, if you say so,” she replied while chuckling at them. “Now, go on, take your seats and I’ll bring you out your treats.”

“Oh, Mrs. Dure, that’s really not necessary. We actually came for dinner,” you said.

“They can still have treats, can’t they?”

“Yeah, can’t we?” Sans repeated.

“I was going to pay for them,” you countered. “I’m more than capable of it.”

“I know you are, but I feel like giving these out to my visitors for free today,” she replied before spending a few minutes gathering treats. When she came from the back, she was holding two covered platters, and the boys eagerly sat in their seats as they waited for her to set them down. After looking around the table and meeting everyone’s eye, Mrs. Dure gave a cheeky grin before lifting up the covers.

“Oh, wow! Mrs. Dure, have I ever told you that you’re my favorite person, like, ever?” Steele said as he took in the sight before him.

“No, I thought your favorite person was your twin Hexy here,” she said, ruffling the aforementioned clone’s hair.

“Oh, no. No, he doesn’t even come close to being as great as you,” Steele replied, licking his lips while grabbing a biscuit. He took a bite and groaned in pleasure as he sat back, the flavor immediately filling his mouth.

“I assume you like it?”

“Mrs. Dure,” Sans said, taking a bite of a cookie, “you should know that anything, and I mean anything you make will be loved by us.”

“Well, I’m glad to know I’m appreciated,” she chuckled.

“Appreciated and loved,” Tie said through a mouthful.

“Now now, didn’t Bomber ever teach you any manners?” she tsked at him, and Tie’s expression immediately dropped. Mrs. Dure seemed to sense the sudden mood change, and a look of realization washed over her.

“I’m sure he taught you many great lessons that you’ll never forget. The love of a big brother being one of the greatest.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Dure. He would have loved to be here with us,” Tie mumbled.

“He is,” she said. “In your heart, and in the force. He’s always with you, Tie.”

“I know. I feel him. Well, I think I do at least.”

“You do,” you assured him, and he smiled at you before taking a bite of his brownie.

“So, will you guys only be having these treats tonight, or are you wanting to get some soup as well?” Mrs. Dure asked.

“Soup!” they all cheered at once, causing you and her to laugh.

“I think the boys of Jawa Squad want soup,” she chuckled. “But something tells me that I should ask their general if it’s okay, first. General Jinn?”

“Oh, please, you know I hate formal titles,” you said with a shake of your head. “And these men can make decisions for themselves, they don’t need my approval.”

“Yes, well, they’re also still your responsibility, and your guests,” she teased.

“You are right about that,” you sighed, smiling at the men as they chatted and ate their treats.

“I’ll go ahead and bring everyone’s favorites out,” Mrs. Dure said before heading back to the kitchen.

“So, how has everything been going without me?” you asked, taking a roll for yourself.

“Well, Sans was actually a better leader than we thought he was going to be,” Steele admitted, earning a glare from his commander.

“I don’t even know why you didn’t think I would do well, I’m a perfectly good leader, and I can be serious when I need to be.”

“Yeah, and we realized that while y/n was away,” Aid said.

“I didn’t even step up to help unless he asked me to,” Hex added. “It was quite nice, actually. Almost normal, except Sans was both you and himself.”

“I don’t think I want to imagine Sans being me,” you said with a shiver, causing everyone to laugh.

“Don’t worry, Mesh’la. I didn’t do a disservice to your name,” Sans said, giving you a wink. “I also didn’t fully take on the roll of you, I didn’t seek out Crosshair or spend any extra one on one time with him.”

“Good. I think I’d have a heart attack from shock if you told me you willingly hung out with him, or anyone in the Batch.”

“Well, we did spend some time with them, but not that much,” Hex said. “We just sometimes saw them in the mess hall or the hangar and would say hi.”

“Huh, and you got along? No unnecessary fights or sour looks or comments?”

“Nope, we were on our best behavior, just like we are right now,” Sans replied.

“You are behaving quite well, to my surprise. Usually you’re getting a bit boisterous by now,” Mrs. Dure said as she walked back over with some soup.

“Ah, we’re not that bad,” Steele said, waving a hand dismissively at her comment.

“No, I think that’s more Kwol and his friends from the academy that I’m thinking of.”

“Don’t get me started on them,” you grumbled, remembering the terrors that they were. “Would you believe me if I said they’re still like that when they’re at the palace?”

“Oh, I have no doubt they are,” Mrs. Dure chuckled. “Enjoy your meals, and say goodbye before you leave.”

“We will Mrs. Dure,” they all replied in unison. She just chuckled again before wandering back to her kitchen, most likely to start cleaning up for the night.

“So, when do you plan on coming back to Coruscant?” Aid asked. You were all walking back to the palace now, having enjoyed chatting at Mrs. Dure’s and saying goodbye before leaving. She had stood in front of the doorway, blocking the boys’ exit until they promised to come visit her more often, and breaking a promise with Mrs. Dure was not something anyone would want to do.

“Hopefully in about five standard weeks or so,” you replied. “Although I don’t know if I’ll really want to leave Cyar’ika that soon.”

“You’ll be able to come visit her though, so it won’t be too bad,” Steele said. “I mean, it’s definitely not the same and not as good as seeing her all the time, but it’s still something.”

“Yeah, I’m just worried that I’m going to miss something important. And what if something happens to me? She won’t have me or Crosshair then, unless someone else introduced Crosshair, and I just don’t think that would be right. I think it should be me to introduce them.”

“It should, and it will be, because we won’t let anything happen to you,” Hex said. “Will we, boys?”

“No sir,” they responded, and your smile grew at their loyalty. You didn’t deserve it, they were too good for you, and yet they gave it to you, and you gave it back. There wasn’t anything in the galaxy that you wouldn’t do for them, and nothing they wouldn’t do for you.

“I’ve really missed you guys,” you said as you reached the palace entrance. “And call me crazy, but I also miss the war.”

“You’re definitely crazy,” Sans laughed, “but I think I know what you mean. You miss the action, being out and improving your skills.”

“Right, and you don’t like being holed up somewhere dealing with politics for months,” Steele teased. “Speaking of which, how was that?”

“Don��t even get me started on it,” you groaned, and the boys all just chuckled at you.

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Hex said. “There wasn’t one interesting part of it?”

“No, nothing. Just local issues, nothing to do with the Republic or the war.”

“Well, I think that sounds pretty boring,” Tie said, “so I can’t blame you for wanting to be back.”

“Plus, she definitely misses Crosshair and the rest of the Batch,” Aid added.

“You going to give him a nice night when you see him again?” Steele teased.

“Oh shush, I’m not telling you that,” you said, playfully nudging him in the side.

“You didn’t say no.”

“None of your business,” you retorted, giving him a look before laughing. “So, are we doing anything else tonight?”

“Holovideos!” they cheered, and you laughed again before they ran off to the lounging room. You joined them a few minutes after, using the force to float a mix of different snacks and drinks for them. Once everyone was settled, you watched one of their favorite ones. You’ve seen it so many times with them that Bomber and Tie had memorized the script, and sometimes they’d randomly start quoting it before or after missions.

You turned to Tie as you felt a small wave of sadness come from him. You could see tears brimming in his eyes as he silently mouthed the words to the holovideo. Reaching out, you gently rested your hand on his shoulder, causing him to look at you. You gave him a sympathetic smile, and he returned it with a sad one. You mouthed the question, “are you okay?”, to which he mouthed back, “yes, thank you.” Satisfied with the answer and how he felt through the force, you turned back to continue paying attention.

The rest of the night was spent watching more movies, and with each one, someone else fell asleep. You were the second to do so, with Aid being the first. Sans fell asleep after you, and Tie and Steele had a silent game of seeing who would fall asleep first. Hex watched as they both fell asleep at nearly the same moment, and he chuckled softly before turning off the holovideo and joining everyone in slumber.

In your sleep, you snuggled up more to the troopers of Jawa Squad. You’d missed their comfort and warmth, and truly couldn’t wait to be back with them more often. You also couldn’t wait to reunite with Crosshair and the Batch, as it had been much longer without seeing them. You hoped that luck would be on your side, and you’d be able to bring Crosshair home to his little girl soon.

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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years ago

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“I’m loyal, that’s my whole thing.” - Scorpia, Season 4 Episode 6, Princess Scorpia

“Everything they taught us in the Horde about loyalty is meaningless” - Lonnie, Season 4 Episode 5, Protocol

Rewatching Season 4, I just finished Princess Scorpia. This is an episode that has always stuck with me, especially the A plot of Scorpia realizing how badly Catra has treated her and everyone else and deciding to leave. One thing I’ve been thinking about since I finished the series, though, is what this episode is telling us on a larger level. Looking beyond the character arcs and more at this show’s larger themes and message. Because this show is very much a show that says things, made by people who believe them. That earnestness and depth is one reason I keep coming back to it.

In the pull-quote above, and throughout the episode and before it, Scorpia defines herself in terms of loyalty. It is her identity - as she says, that’s what Scorpions do, they’re loyal. Her actions for three and a half seasons bear this out. When she first shows up, she tries to position herself as Catra’s new best friend, the one who won’t leave her and will stick by her no matter what. And that’s what she does, until this episode. She sticks by Catra through Catra’s increasingly villainous plots and erratic behavior. But she doesn’t just stick around. Until the portal, she barely contradicts Catra, and even afterwards, does so only furtively and immediately backs away as soon as Catra pushes back. For more than a year of show time, Scorpia has not just stood by Catra, or supported her, she’s actively assisted her in her most villainous and destructive acts. Scorpia is fighting by Catra’s side, eagerly carrying out her orders, and doing her utmost to see that Catra succeeds. But her loyalty goes beyond this practical help. Because for all that Catra loudly declares that she doesn’t need a new best friend, she consistently seeks out connection throughout the show, even when she’s at her most isolated in season 4. She needs moral support, and connection, and to know that she isn’t alone. Scorpia provides that, and keeps Catra going. Though Scropia isn’t initiating Catra’s various misdeeds, she’s assisting and supporting Catra throughout. On a personal, psychological level, the only word that seems adequate for this is ‘ennabling’ - Scorpia, sweet as she is, is Catra’s enabler. We see in the next few episodes what happens when Catra doesn’t have Scorpia’s support - she breaks down, and realizes that her actions really do have consequences, and that the affection she took for granted for so many years is something she can’t live without. But as long as Scorpia’s still around, Catra can’t make that realization.

Now I’m not going to say that Scorpia is morally culpable for Catra’s own actions. She’s not. Catra is solely responsible for her various betrayals, manipulations, violent outbursts and assorted murder attempts against...most of the rest of the cast (though being raised by Shadow Weaver sure as shit is a mitigating factor). But while Catra is obviously being a bad friend to Scorpia throughout, Scorpia isn’t actually being as supportive or helpful to Catra as she thinks, because Catra doesn’t actually need unconditional support, she needs people to be honest with her and express to her how she’s hurting them. She needs people who will stand up for themselves just as she needs to take responsibility for her own actions. This is part of why she and Adora have such a healthy dynamic in season 5 - Adora doesn’t take her crap, and Catra takes responsibility for her crap.

However, Scorpia -is- responsible for her own actions. And as I said above, she’s been with Catra every step of the way as Catra has attacked just about everyone and made war on Etheria. On a larger, political level, Scorpia is a willing participant in upholding the Horde’s oppressive system, and executing a war of aggression and colonization against innocent people. Speaking of colonization, perversely, she’s loyal to the very organization that dispossessed her and literally stole her birthright, then discarded it like a useless trinket when it was no longer useful to them. No one ever suggests ‘why don’t we let Scorpia connect with ~her runestone~’ until Glimmer does (and Glimmer’s motivations and arguments aren’t exactly forthright). Scorpia’s loyalty makes her an accomplice in her own oppression (like a bunch of the themes in this show there’s some interesting post-colonial stuff that the show doesn’t fully explore, probably because Noelle and the crew felt self-conscious about telling a post colonial story, or just didn’t know where to go with it). Interestingly, Scorpia’s loyalty to the Horde here parallels her loyalty to Catra, which has made her completely disregard her own wellbeing, which is the most obvious take away from the episode.

But I would argue that everything above shows that for Scorpia loyalty has been a way of avoiding developing her own moral compass. Scorpia repeatedly shoves aside questions of right or wrong in favor of being loyal to her friends and to the Horde. Loyalty has made Scorpia not only willing to accept her own mistreatment, but to willingly mistreat others, and to keep herself from asking any hard questions about what she’s doing or why. This is despite the fact that Scorpia is, by inclination, an incredibly gentle, kind and compassionate person. She’s willing to silence the best parts of her nature out of loyalty to Catra and the Horde. In the end, she also commits acts of violence and perpetuates the oppression of Etheria. And this is so insightful, because we see this sort of thing in our world all the time. So many oppressive institutions depend upon the loyalty of their members to keep them ‘just following orders’; so many abusive systems depend upon loyalty to stifle dissent and silence potential whistleblowers before they even speak. We see this in some of the most oppressive institutions and the worst scandals in our own society, and looking back through human history we see it in some of our nation’s and our species' most infamous crimes.

And when we look at the Horde as a system that Hordak has built in imitation of his elder brother’s empire, we see just how central loyalty is an ethos. Hordak himself is motivated entirely by loyalty to Prime - being a former clone, he spends the entire series not fully capable of accepting himself as an autonomous being (even when he acts like one and enjoys it, there’s some fucked up religious shit there that I won’t get into). He seems to have instilled this in his followers. The Horde Trio, Catra and Scorpia all hold loyalty as one of their highest values. Catra clings to it as her biggest accusation against Adora - that she was disloyal, as expressed in Catra’s perception that Adora broke her promise and abandoned her. Loyalty keeps the Horde Trio together and fighting for the Horde, and Scorpia with Catra. I think we can read between the lines and say the Horde runs on loyalty (as well as fear) and this is a very insightful portrayal of oppressive military and paramilitary institutions like armies of conquest and occupation and other instruments of state violence.

There’s another, related way of looking at how a sole reliance on loyalty as a moral framework has stunted Scorpia’s moral growth, and I think that brings together both the ways that it makes Scorpia willing to accept her mistreatment and participate in the mistreatment of others. Namely, loyalty in the Horde style isn’t just sticking with someone or something, but subsuming your own will into theirs. Following orders. Supporting your friend in what they do no matter what. Whatever you call it, it’s about turning off your own self - your self preservation, your self respect, your conscience, whatever other things you value - and just going along with what the person or institution you are loyal to wants you to do. And this is where Horde loyalty goes full circle, back to its origin - Horde Prime, the narcissistic self-made god who wishes to control or destroy everything that is not himself. Loyalty as Hordak conceived of it and as the Horde believes in it is a reflection of Prime's absolute control over all his domain.

In a way, self-determination is one of this show’s highest values (together with love). It’s at the heart of Adora’s 5-season, 3 year struggle to become her own woman and her own hero as she shrugs off one imposed destiny and then another and finally embraces what she wants. In a more negative form, it’s at the heart of Catra’s arc, as she finally accepts responsibility for her own actions and their consequences and starts working to make a world that she actually wants to live in, as well as admit to herself that what she really wants is love. And I could go on. This self-determination is existentially, obviously threatened by Prime chipping people, but it is also stunted by horde-style loyalty that demands unquestioning support and obedience.

Both the Horde Trio and Scorpia reject the Horde’s ideal of loyalty and walk away, but I think it’s interesting how they do it. Neither rejects loyalty entirely (not on the way Adora does) - the Trio, realistically, remain loyal to each other and simply walk away and walk out of the war (this might save their lives), joining the other disillusioned cynics in the Crimson Wastes. They reject loyalty to the horde and embrace a more supportive and respectful form of loyalty to each other. Scorpia leaves, but she actually comes to her crisis and makes her decision out of loyalty, and because it’s clear that her loyalty isn’t returned. The immediate situation - loyalty to Emily and Entrapta’s memory on one hand and Catra’s orders on the others - creates the conflict between loyalties that forces Scorpia to actually make her own choice rather than deferring to Catra. But she also reflects how Catra betrayed her loyalty to Entrapta, and thus how all of her friends’ loyalty to Catra is not returned.This is another point about horde-style loyalty - it’s one way - Hordak or Catra will demand your loyalty, but they feel no obligation to return it, which reflects Prime’s view of every other being in the universe as disposable. It’s only when she’s with the Princesses that Scorpia starts to find a new moral center, though sticking up for and protecting her friends remains important to her. In neither case, though, are these kinds of loyalty coming at the cost of either the Trio or Scorpia’s autonomy or ability to make moral choices of their own. In the very next episode, she says she wants to 'be A good friend' which is how the Princesses typically describe sticking together, which is a much more active and holistic concept than 'loyalty'. Scorpia confesses that she doesn't even know how, but she wants to learn and thinks the princesses can teach her.

There's another interesting counterexample to Horde Loyalty. Adora repeatedly breaks with the people around her to do what is right. First she leaves the Horde, then walks away from Catra by stages when it is clear that Catra is going to continue to harm other people and Etheria. Then she walks away from Glimmer, defies Light Hope and breaks loyalty with her supposed destiny and purposes as well as loyalty to the homelans she has never known. By season 5, Adora is loyal only to herself and the people she cares about, but she isn't constraining her will to anyone else's. For all that she seems like a rule follower Adora has a rebellious streak a mile wide, and she will do what is right, no matter what. This is what allows her to save the universe 3 times.

So the show’s argument is that loyalty is not a good moral framework to base all of our actions around. I don’t think it goes so far as saying that loyalty has no place in our ethics (being a good friend, which is such a huge part of the show, certainly includes loyalty, especially sticking with people when the going gets tough), but the show stresses time and again that being loyal to something or someone shouldn’t make you disregard yourself and what you think is right. Because it’s only by living out our own values and taking responsibility for our own actions that we can come into our own as moral beings. Moreover, if we insist on maintaining loyalty to institutions that oppress us and others, we can’t dismantle the systems of oppression that are holding us and other people down. (Yes, this is a pretty radical message, but I suspect that Noelle is some kind of anarchist? Anyway, it’s a thing.)

Okay, so that’s what I, a 35 year old, get from this kids show. I think it’s also worth pointing out that this lesson applies to younger viewers too, in their most immediate lives. Younger viewers will have had friends who didn’t treat them well, or might not have treated other people well, and who might have pressured them into participating in the mistreatment of others (this is kind of how bullying works a lot of the time). I think it’s important that younger viewers see how being a good friend never means disrespecting yourself or other people and it means a lot to me that She-Ra shows this in such a nuanced and realistic way.

#she ra #she ra spoilers #spop #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #meta #analysis #scorpia

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catty-words · 4 years ago

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on the school dance fallout or, a thorough examination of the boys’ apologies to julie

full disclosure, i used to take serious issue with 1.06 for what it did to julie’s righteous anger in light of the boys letting her down, and my gripes haven’t fully gone away. but i have spent some time thinking on the fallout since my first (several) viewing(s) of the show and i finally noticed some emotionally nuanced storytelling that i needed time to come to appreciate. so, if you’ll indulge me another gif-filled meta post...

everyone knows that a good apology demonstrates an understanding of how you wronged the person you’re apologizing to, otherwise the words i’m sorry end up being fairly empty. and luckily for the boys, julie does a good job of immediately and effectively communicating her hurt feelings:

the first part is directed at luke specifically as her main co-writer, while the rest is about how all three of them let her down. it couldn’t be more clear that the reason she’s so betrayed is that a) they’ve made her feel like julie and the phantoms is less important to them than sunset curve and b) they’ve failed to consider her point of view or empathize with how important the show was to her.

which is why singing sorry a bunch of times, though charming, leaves her unmoved. and it’s why booking another gig actually makes her angrier. a gig the boys have deemed important enough to show up for is not a present or an olive branch to her, it’s a slap in the face. and if the boys had actually been paying attention to what she’d said the night of the dance, they could have anticipated her reaction.

but they clearly haven’t listened, so they haven’t learned how to do better or make things right. which is why this is such an important beat in the scene in the studio:

hounding julie to rejoin the band, even with such nice sentiments as “you’re the best thing that’s happened to us since we became ghosts”, does nothing to address how undervalued julie feels getting stood up because, as she points out above, their ability to do what they love is very limited without her. that makes her a powerful and essential member of the band, but it doesn’t prove that they care about her, julie, the person. and you can see in the reaction shot how the truth of her words lands for all of them.

their remorseful silence gives julie the opportunity to reiterate one of the points she made the night before, and it’s important to note which part of her hurt feelings she chooses to revisit.

the fact that they made the choice to pay more attention to their old music in spite of the music they were creating together is the thing that hurt her feelings the most. and, of course, her open hostility and her imagined reasons for why the boys picked sunset curve over julie and the phantoms (i.e. selfishness) puts luke on the defensive and ends with everyone leaving the scene dissatisfied.

great! okay, so here’s the part that’s bugged in the past (and the present, just. a little less so.) — in their attempt to deescalate the situation, alex and reggie give julie, and the audience, the all-important luke backstory. but like asking julie to rejoin the band with a shinier gig than a school dance flies in the face of actually making amends, so, too, does asking julie to empathize with luke’s emotional journey when the boys failed to take julie’s into account when they hurt her. only this time, it works as an olive branch.

now, i’m not saying that julie’s acting out of character in being sympathetic to luke’s pain, quite the opposite is the case. and i’m also not saying it’s bad that she does find sympathy for his situation — again, i’d argue that the opposite is true. it’s just, at the same time, it’s not a good look to force aside the young woman of color’s hurt in service of the white dude who hurt her feelings in the first place’s tragic backstory. the narrative is asking julie not to be mad at the choices luke made in the past two episodes because he’s really sad, actually.

and sure that’s an ungracious read of the moment, but i stand by the fact that it’s present in the text of the episode all the same, even with a little more nuance than i’m currently giving it credit for.

all that being said, alex and reggie do a bit to win back this highly insensitive maneuver with another stab at an apology.

alex addresses julie’s comment about them knowing “how tough it’s been for her to play” by reiterating that not showing up let her down and they get that that’s a crappy way to feel, while reggie takes a crack at julie’s “our songs were good” by emphasizing that they all love being in a band and making music with her. it’s a slight step up from their sorry in the garage, but not a complete fix because they’re all still sitting with the fact that they need julie to make the most of their music and how that complicates their declarations of loyalty.

the thing that makes this attempt at reconciliation different than those prior, of course, is this line:

the acknowledgement that things haven’t been fixed + the politeness + the implication that they’re willing to put in the time to earn her trust back so long as she lets them makes the apology a good enough one to accept. well, that, and:

one gets the sense that if rose could actually speak to julie in that moment, she’d be reminding her the value of grace. and, of course, we know that this also serves as a reminder to julie that good things are fleeting, loss is around every corner, and holding close what you care about is important. so she does just that by letting go of her (righteous, righteous) anger and reuniting the band.

still, even though alex and reggie have had their chance to make amends, luke doesn’t get the same moment to show he’s actually paid attention to julie’s needs in 1.06. so, naturally, he starts immediately in their first scene together in 1.07.

i mentioned in my exhaustive list for “finally free” that julie picking a sunset curve song for their reunion number is a lovely, understated way for her acknowledge luke’s lost musical legacy, and i have similar feelings about the fact that luke suggests “edge of great” for their follow-up gig. it’s his first step in proving to her that he does care about the music they’ve written together with actions instead of empty apologies and misguided gestures.

by the end of the episode, though, the three of them take a step back (reggie gets points for his being, like, half a step) when they learn that, in addition to letting down julie, one of the consequences of their night chasing revenge is a ticking clock on their existence.

though i understand the urge to protect julie from the alarming news that their power is going out, there’s also a lot of selfishness behind the decision. julie loses them in the end no matter what, but lying to her about it and planning to leave without an explanation shows a disregard for her emotional journey in a similar way standing her up did. in fact, this plan is basically to stand her up for eternity. not cool, guys.

naturally, since it’s luke who’s the one proposing the terrible plan and it’s luke who never officially demonstrated his understanding of how he hurt julie’s feelings by not showing up when it mattered, it’s fitting that he’s suddenly more in tune with his own feelings. and, with that, comes a new awareness of how his and julie’s feelings interact, starting with this moment in 1.08.

you can see his conflict over her declaration. she’s worried without knowing just how much there is to be worried about, and that makes him sad because it’s confirmation of the fact that he’s important to her. that losing him will mean a lot of pain for her. but instead of cluing her in, he makes a conscious choice to continue withholding the information of his imminent departure. and maybe it’s such a weak deflection because he’s already starting to come to terms with how unfair he’s being to her, but even so, he’s not being a good friend when julie is showing up for him in big, unexpected ways he’d never even thought to ask for.

and again, here —

— just after they’ve acknowledged that there’s a something and not a nothing between them, you can see him sober with the thought that she doesn’t know they’re about to lose each other. but it’s still not enough to move him to share. maybe because he prefers that she live with the possibility of that something when he no longer can, maybe because he’s too caught up in his own feelings about how crappy this hand they’ve been dealt by the universe is. but in any case, he keeps tight-lipped.

UNTIL.

it’s seeing her excited about a future their music can’t have that finally pushes him into coming clean. and i love how subtly this demonstrates that he has been paying attention, actually, and he knows that what hurt julie the most was the feeling that their music took a backseat to his past. if he crosses over without telling her the whole, ugly truth about the mistake he made by standing her up, then he crosses over stuck in that mistake. because part of that whole, ugly truth is the beautiful realization that no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you. and he’s not quite at that particular aspect of his truth yet — he still has to experience the what if of caleb’s club to be able to make the declaration with the conviction he does — but when he finally does tell her that and means it, she’s given the catharsis she’s needed since the dance. because he’s backing up his apology with action (i.e. being willing to literally no longer exist instead of making music with someone else) and providing her with the same consideration she showed him when she rejoined the band because his loss felt more important than her anger. and reaching that level of give and take in their relationship, physically represented in their hug, finally sets them free.

so, yes. even though 1.06 is clunky and a little tasteless at times, i can acknowledge that the story manages to win any missteps back. quite poetically, honestly. all’s forgiven.

#julie and the phantoms #jatpedit #jatp meta #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer #gifs by catty #long post #am i disappointed with myself for not being able to include any gifs from 1.09 because i reached the limit already #yes. absolutely.#should i have split this post into two parts to fit it all?#maybe so #will i do anything about it?#obviously not #FATED BANDMATES #melody & words #together my cats can queue anything

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supercantaloupe · 4 years ago

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on Aelwyn Abernant, the Reformed Villain Squad, and redeeming teenage antagonists

an analysis on antagonist character development in Fantasy High. spoilers through sophomore year and (mildly so) the most recent roll20 oneshot. essay under the cut bc i am very long winded

the turnaround with Aelwyn in s2 is handled so well i cant get over it. she was such a major antagonist in the first season and just. despicable. she had no pathos. we hated this bitchy older sister who tried to kill Adaine and her friends and raise an evil dragon, and when she gets knocked on her ass and thrown in jail, we cheer.

and then s2 fucking starts saying “hey she’s in jail still if you’d like to look into that” and pursuing that thread ends up being almost as comedic an idea as it is a reluctant one; it’s also quickly shunted to the background as soon as more pressing leads present themselves, to the point where we almost forget about her until Adaine is kidnapped and then the first time you see her it’s just. viscerally upsetting.

she’s bad. she did evil. she got what she deserved.

but she already got what she deserved. last season.

she got her ass handed to her by a bunch of 14 year olds including her little sister (how embarrassing!). her plans were thwarted. she got punched in the face and made fun of. she already got her punishment.

it just……immediately registers as over-the-top Wrong to be told “hey, remember that antagonist you beat last season? she’s still being punished for that, except it’s way worse than just going to mumple.”

and there’s that reminder that like…this is a teenager. a child. who has been manipulated and abused. which is a really fascinating look at this character we used to see pretty much unilaterally as a one dimensional bitchy villain.

i mean we got a more in depth look at Penelope’s and Biz’s motivations in s1 (Penelope being the popular rich girl sorceress obviously hungry for power and the alllure of the high school clout that is being prom queen, but also we know that her having to turn on her best friend Sam Nightingale as part of the scheme was something she was reluctant and not happy to do; and Biz being that predatory incel creeper type dude besides just a nerd with computers and a lack of social graces). and they were as much willingly active in the plot as Aelwyn was. yet in s1 they really never do bother to explore Aelwyn’s motivations. i remember after watching s1 but before s2 that was one of my biggest lingering questions: why tf was Aelwyn involved?

well. she was manipulated and abused. her terrible parents raised her in an awful environment that conditioned her to Listen and Obey and Behave and Be Perfect, and then Kalina helped cinch the noose around her neck with threats and coersion into the KVS Kaper and the NMK crown debacle. she doesn’t freely choose any of it; she’s coerced, manipulated, abused.

and she already got justifiably punished for her bad actions in s1. the torture is almost literal overkill. it’s just……there’s this immediate turnaround in sympathy and view of the character. on first watch, it’s viscerally upsetting to see her getting so brutally punished for actions she already faced consequences for, and on rewatch, it makes your skin crawl to know she’s being tortured for terrible things she had little choice in carrying out. and tortured by some of the very same people who coerced her to behave terribly in the first place, to add insult to injury.

and it’s still fucking frustrating when they rescue her and her memory gets reset and she goes back to her parents because it’s like “well shit, she’s evil again, and we just wasted all that effort for nothing” but it’s also sad cause we know she’s running back to her abusers and she isn’t happy about it but doesn’t feel like she has a choice. and it’s sadder still that what eventually inevitably gets her to turn to good for good (i.e. away from her parents) is just. a full dissociative mental breakdown.

(but then she survives and it’s gonna be good!!! until Adaine dies in her fucking arms. which is. almost funny. she’s been through so much shit and that isn’t something that Brennan would have just. preplanned. like a written in plot point. no, that was just an unpredictable consequence of the battle. what a juicy fucking moment. she’s been through All That Shit™️ and has finally turned to fight for good and her sister just fully dies in front of her. yeowch)

and she turns out okay in the end. she comes out the other side alive and whole and supported by her sister and her friends, with the hope of a future and recovery. there is an acknowledgement that A) she can and will grow from her mistakes and damage, B) it’s going to be really hard, and C) the post-s2 one shots both prove that she’s doing okay now. hell, she has a whole squad now of other former-teenage-villains-turned-good-guys. she has friends now, Ragh and Zayn, with common ground, and a secret handshake and everything. they’ve all grown from the mistakes of their past into better, happier, healthier people

and about Zayn and Ragh. we’ve seen a lot of characters, protagonist and antagonist, teenage and adult, PC and NPC do some really fucked up shit and get punished for it. but why do they get happy endings? why are Aelwyn, Ragh, and Zayn the only members of the RVS and not someone else like Biz or Penelope or Dayne?

well, the latter two are dead by then; but then again, Biz and Ragh were also killed by the Bad Kids in s1, and subsequently resurrected. (Zayn died too, but was neither killed nor revived at the Bad Kids’ hands, so i’ll get to him in a sec.) and there are plenty of adult antagonists the Bad Kids face who are killed and left that way by the Bad Kids without second thought: Johnny Spells, Coach Daybreak, Captain Wicklaw, the Abernant parents (presuming Arianwen doesn’t survive in the forest for very long, which i doubt). why do some characters get second chances while others don’t?

in the case of Zayn, his death was pretty much out of the Bad Kids’ hands, and they later found out he was manipulated by Daybreak into being bad anyway because of his sad living situation. he was a pretty minor antagonist in the scheme of things, and when we re-meet him as a ghost in the s1 epilogue, he’s pretty obviously remorseful for his actions. and dying seems like a steep enough punishment to me for the shit he did to contribute to the KVX caper; returning as a ghost, free from the trappings of his unfortunate living life, he now has the room and freedom to grow into a better person.

in the cases of Daybreak, Spells, Wicklaw, and the Abernant parents: these are bad people who should know better. these are fully grown adults who actively choose to do evil. whether they think it’s the right thing to do or not (in Daybreak’s case), whether they think it will benefit them and don’t care about anyone else (in the Abernants’ case), or whether they don’t care much at all and are just doing shit because they feel like it (in the cases of Spells and Wicklaw), these are all adults who consciously make the decision to do terrible things and hurt other people. of course Johnny Spells, who is generally a punk thief and thug, is not on the same level of bad as Angwyn, who kidnaps and tortures his own daughters for political gain, but the point remains. these fuckers should know better. they’re grown ups. they had their chances to be good and they chose not to heed them. their minds are set on bad actions and they are a continued danger to other people as long as they are alive. when they die, the Bad Kids do their damndest to make sure it stays that way.

now, in the cases of Penelope and Dayne: these are teenagers who actively chose to participate in an evil plot. Penelope, Dayne, and Biz were all fully cognizant of what they were doing trying to raise KVX back to his former power. why? well, to some extent, we can only speculate. i suspect Penelope was just one of those Regina George bitches who is rich and popular and powerful and obsessed with power and popularity within high school as if that’s the end-all-be-all of existence (which, like, when you’re currently in high school, is a somewhat understandable worldview i think). Dayne being her boyfriend and a musclehead jock probably falls into a similar line of thinking. they are actively and willingly trying to cause harm, and teenager or not, must be stopped. they’re killed, anyway, during the Climactic Battle™️ anyhow; it’s not like the Bad Kids were going to gain anything at that point by keeping them alive.

now, Biz: Biz is the creepy Nice Guy incel type, sees woman as a prize he deserves to win, yadda yadda. he does, like Penelope and Dayne, actively choose to help KVX. there might be something to be said about his motivation the Bad Kids discover after the arcade battle by detecting his thoughts (that being to upload the captured maidens from the palimpsests to “call the shots” himself) is an altered memory; whether this was his original motivation from the start or not, i’m not sure. but the Bad Kids do kill him – and then resurrect him for important, time-sensitive information. and they beat it out of him – he gets two of his fucking fingers blown off. and Riz reattaches them once they have their info, and they realize his memory is altered. of course, the Bad Kids don’t know at this point that the altered memory was something he, Penelope, and Aelwyn had planned and agreed on and done to themselves, but this points to something important in my opinion: the Bad Kids, and the narrative/show as a whole by extension, acknowledge that external manipulation affects how guilty someone is in a crime.

which brings us to Ragh. Ragh, introduced from episode 1 as the meathead jock. Ragh the archetypical one-dimensional high school bully. Ragh who works with the harvestmen in effort to (ostensibly) end the world/provoke international war. Ragh, whose low intelligence but high loyalty and internalized homophobia led him to be fully swayed and blindly led by his coach and captain, who have actively chosen to do evil. Ragh who is killed in combat by the Bad Kids and resurrected for information, not Daybreak. Ragh, who the Bad Kids realize was probably not aware of exactly what he was being made to do and how bad it really was. Ragh, who by their kindness in sparing his life and directing him on a better path, becomes a well-rounded character and an active ally to the Bad Kids during and after prom, an invaluable companion during their quest in sophomore year, and overall a really good friend and person.

(it might also be worth considering the case of Jawbone here, too, who started out a very minor antagonist in a fight but ended up becoming a major NPC because the Bad Kids talked to him, found out he came from an unfortunate situation and set of circumstances, and showed him kindness in offering the school guidance counselor position, a kindness that isn’t really owed but given anyway and ends up changing his entire life for good.)

and then, Aelwyn, whose case is already discussed above. so, why is the RVS what it is, why them but not others?

if you’re familiar with Avatar: the Last Airbender, you’re probably familiar with Zuko’s character arc, and how it’s often lauded as a masterful example of developing a villain into a hero over the course of a narrative. what makes Zuko’s arc so well done and exceptional is that he starts out as a kid in a bad situation under the influence of bad adults seeking to do bad deeds, but he later realizes the error of those ways, actively removes himself from that situation despite the difficulty and danger in doing so, goes through a lot of shit and reflects on his past mistakes and learns from them, and then actively chooses to fight for good in the end with the help of close, trusted friends, found family.

this, i believe, is the same in the case of Fantasy High and its treatment of the RVS. its members, like Zuko, are all teenagers who came from shitty situations and were manipulated by evil adults to do bad. they are punished for their bad actions, and they learn from their errors and mistakes. with the kindness and help of good people, friends and chosen family, they are able to escape their abusers and bad situations and grow into their own people. and they actively choose to improve themselves with that help and fight for good.

Fantasy High, through the arcs of Jawbone, Zayn, Ragh, and especially Aelwyn, asserts that it is not your fault if you come from a bad situation and are forced to behave badly as a result. it does not pretend that you are absolved of any responsibility for those actions; quite the opposite, as even though they were externally manipulated into their evil actions, all of those mentioned characters face tangible consequences for their actions and later express remorse for their mistakes. but Fantasy High also asserts that even if you have made great mistakes in your past, even if you came from a bad situation beyond your control, even if you were manipulated and abused, with care and love and support and a hell of a lot of work and effort, you can improve your situation and find good, happiness, peace, you can thrive. evil adults who should know better don’t get redeemed. teenagers who aren’t coerced but actively choose evil don’t get redeemed. but abused kids deserve another shot at happiness. with enough work, and some love and help along the way, they can get there, even from the lowest imaginable point, from rock fucking buttom. it’s possible.

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 live #dimension 20 #fantasy high sophomore year #fantasy high freshman year #d20 #dimension 20 live spoilers #brennan lee mulligan #aelwyn abernant #zayn darkshadow #ragh barkrock #sasha reviews #hello tumblr. tonight i bring you a 2.3k word essay. tomorrow? who knows #i'll just throw myself into the nearest river if this doesn't show up in the tags this is fine #this one's for y'all in my notes i see u and i love u here's some content #the first half of this is mostly copy pasted from my discord ramblings #i didnt intend for this to be as long as it got but yknow. i never do and it always is #so thats why the first part of this is written differently from the rest of it lol

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dystopiandilfs · 3 years ago

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Theory with the Island that c!Dream has brought up multiple times now.

So at first I thought the island was the area where they were testing the revival book however Dream mentioned the island to Punz who was with him when testing the book so that didn't make sense in my head.

On top of that he mentioned the Island to Sam who has no clue about him testing on Vikk and Lazar and it wouldn't benefit Dream to tell Sam that or anything about the book especially after their whole conversation about "Being the bad guy depends on perspective". I doubt Dream is going to tell Sam about Punz either because he's had multiple opportunities and just hasn't so since he didn't mention Punz I don't think he'd tell Sam about the Revival tests.

So my next thought was that the Island Dream keeps on being vague about is the End Island. Recently a lot of DreamSMP things have been End related which makes me think that they're slowly easing in the End Dimension.

We had the Team Seas contest which whilst not canon in of itself the prize was an Elytra which became part of Hannah's character lore. We also had George's lore which not only contained an actual visit to the End it also had multiple End based hints/items. Callahan was killed and dropped an inventory full of Ender Eyes, Karl was killed and dropped a bunch of Dragon Heads and DreamXD was killed at the End Portal and his death is why George was able to open the End.

DreamXD, who was "first" introduced to block Phil and Techno from accidentally opening the End, is constantly involved with End based shenanigans from him wearing the Dragon Skull when replacing Dream as George's best friend to him commissioning a statue of himself that's depicted holding an Eye of Ender. So DreamXD and End Dimension go hand in hand.

So my theory is that the Island Dream keeps on mentioning is the main Island in the End Dimension that hosts the Milf Dragon.

(This is where I lost my mind because I didn't take my meds so feel free to stop reading now)

Dream and DreamXD are both aware of eachothers existence especially since DreamXD based his form on Dream. So how well do they know eachother and was DreamXD lying about how he chose his appearance. I think they are both non human species that exist only in the End Dimension. It would explain why DreamXD guards the portal and why Dream and Ranboo are constantly connected to eachother. Ranboo being part Enderman, another End Dimension species.

So Dream's secret island being the Island where the End Dragon lives makes sense. To further that, there was time periods where Dream would disappear for a while and come back even more geared than ever which I presume was him refueling and refilling at his base but nobody could ever find traces of where he went which could signify him leaving the overworld dimension.

It's also no coincidence that the Revival book ended up in Dream and Punz's hand whilst it's twin book ended up in Sapnap's. Sapnap being the closest link to both Punz and Dream, brother and best friend respectively. DreamXD also took no issues with Sapnap having the book which I think means he intended the book to end up with either Sapnap, George or Bad. I think it was originally supposed to end up with Bad but he got trapped with the Egg Cult and George got trapped in his own mind leaving Sapnap as the only other option. I think Sapnap was originally the last option out of the three as he was the last to leave Dream but was also the loose canon of the 3.

I think Sapnap was also the best candidate because of his connection to not only Dream and Punz but Quackity and Karl. Quackity who is currently Dream and Punz's enemy and Karl who is his own biggest enemy. Meaning Sapnap is going to have to make some big decisions and is going to loose some important people.

There's a reoccurring theme of choices and the consequences following those choices and I think that Sapnap is going to get stuck with the choice of his old friends and family or his love interests. Knowing Sapnap's character he tends to put other people before himself and really only was shown putting himself first when shown that Dream put George over him constantly (because cc!Dream is the biggest c!dnfer). I think another person who is in a similar position to Sapnap is Sam and I think he also has to make a bunch of choices regarding Dream and Quackity aswell as himself.

#have i been huffing too much copium #dreamsmp theory #this is a result of being off meds and having no sleep #dreamwastaken #mcyt #dreamsmp #dream smp

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol)

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol)

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you?

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???)

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic

- ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!!

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha)

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

- remy rogue

🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence

baby u r my

ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it)

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents)

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do

birds of a feather motherfucker

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet)

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha)

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go”

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most.

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage)

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s p r e t t y solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D:

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!!

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all)

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol)

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

#x men evolution #x men #gambit #rogue x gambit #aaah this is like therapy for me... just dumping all my emotions into a tumblr post and then let them go into the ether #I am now wondering if I'm desperate enough to go all the way back to the x-men animated series (which I've never seen before!)#like am I willing to go there for more Contente. time will tell I suppose #happy tag #...this is very long #MAN why can't I channel this dumbass energy into fiction writing I'd get so much DONE

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variousqueerthings · 4 years ago

Text

thinking about these awesome tags from @catzy88 and wanted to just speak to essentially what they talk about and one of my favourite writing choices of the show (so far, considering my predictions for what’ll happen moving forward):

and it’s Johnny’s two-steps-forward-one-step (sometimes several steps) -back journey.

1. Introduction

there’s a few of things that happen on the show that get wrapped up in a semi-fantastical/wish-fulfilmenty way (Miguel recovering from his back injury like he does, Daniel sorting out his dealership problems with Doyona, etc.) and I’m not mad about it, it fits in with the generally optimistic tone of the show + various circumstances that surround these choices, so they’re not one-note writing decisions -

ex. aftermath of Miguel’s surgery will continue to be explored on s4 so it’s not done and over with without consequences versus the way Daniel’s journey to Okinawa is about healing in various ways, so that deus ex machina fits in with the tone of that storyline. People’s mileage probably vary, but I think it’s all relatively well-balanced (pun not intended) with the deeper, less-easily-fixable issues and character dynamics that the show explores.

2. Johnny’s Story

If everything on this show were easy it wouldn’t be so watchable. Which is where Johnny comes in (amongst other characters, but I’m gonna focus).

in contrast Johnny’s journey for three seasons has had a lot of good intentions - help Miguel, get his life in order, forgive and forget the past, mend his relationship with Robby, be generally better to himself and others - and the majority of it’s gone pretty badly.

I have predictions that there’ll be a flip in s4 and Daniel’s going to spiral more obviously, while Johnny’s going to be healing/functioning somewhat better. I also think it’s important to show him failing despite being in a better place than end season 2/beginning season 3. And failing again. And failing again.

Johnny (and Daniel, but I shall focus!) doesn’t come onto this show with easily fixed issues. He’s likely been an alcoholic since he was in his 20s, he’s isolated to the extreme, he can’t hold down a job, he’s still under the thumb of his stepdad, and his relationship to Robby is non-existent at best.

In 100 different ways he’s trapped and he’s so trapped that he can’t even envision being less trapped. Starting the dojo is a fluke, combined by meeting and saving Miguel and wanting to spite Daniel. He’s not planning on “getting better,” hell, he doesn’t even think that he has a problem that can be fixed to begin with. Up until this moment life has largely just happened to him and his decisions have been reactionary (and if there were times we don’t know about before now where he tried, he obviously failed)

His thinking clearly goes something like this: “I’ll make this kid not get beat up... and I guess now I’ve got a business so I need other kids? and now I care about this kid I guess, oh and his mom’s pretty nice (and pretty) too... and now I’ve got a business I can buy Sid out, that’s cool... ” etcetcetc. (still reactionary to an extent, although that gradually changes) right up until the tournament happens and he starts to have to face some of the shit he’s been telling these kids and Robby’s with Daniel and Kreese has reappeared...

I’d argue it’s not until mid-ish season 2, when Kreese reveals he’s homeless and Johnny decides that their forgiveness is tied into one another and especially when Tommy dies (still got one thing I don’t... time) that he actually really starts thinking about what all of this means for him longterm, that he can and should want for the future and that he has real responsibilities to do so because of others. It’s also the first time he properly admits that it’s not just “the tournament as a single event,” but the whole philosophy that he was taught that fucked him up (which is scary, because then he’s gotta admit a whole bunch of other stuff - that he has deep-rooted issues and that he needs to try to get better. That he’s both a victim and a perpetrator of this cycle. That just saying things are shit and won’t ever change won’t cut it anymore).

And just as he begins this thought-process and is incredibly vulnerable because of that everything goes to hell.

All of the structures Johnny had been building were on sand, right up to the choice to handshake deal on the dojo, and they all come crashing down spectacularly all at once in the season 2 finale.

Back to square one.

3. Square one (but not really)

This is amazing! It’s giving us a narrative on top of the more fantasy-like narratives that goes: “Not everything can be fixed easily just because we want to fix them,” and, “some things need to fail so that the next time you try, you try better!”

It’s not square one at all.

A whole bunch of shit that Johnny was carrying with him without being able to voice in the first season is now out there, in the open. The ugliness needs to be exposed before it can be healed and (as myself and so many people who’re dealing with xy and z know) when you first “discover” what’s fucked up you can feel like everything’s worse. Your ability to deal with that thing can get a whole lot worse.

Johnny relapses into a version of himself that on the surface looks even worse than in s1, but actually he’s way more open to change, he’s got reasons to get back up again, even if it takes a moment for him to pull himself together to actually do that. It takes pretty much all of season 3 for him to get there (and that was necessary too), but now he’s there he can start from a much stronger place than he previously did.

And there’s so much he’s still not facing - can you imagine the fallout when he has to deal with being an alcoholic?

Johnny as a character has made so many mistakes (note: I’m not a fan of using the word “fault” as a descriptor for characters (as in “whose fault is X”) because they’re fictional and it’s more about motivations than tracing faults) and those mistakes make a whole lot of sense to his character - a broke, drunk, traumatized guy with more failings under his belt than you can count.

I confess, I’m not sure how I feel about him not visiting Robby in juvie from a writing perspective, however it’s on the show, so now we get to analyse how it can make sense - which, considering that Johnny isn’t good at prioritising - and as an ADHD that’s a mood - it can totally work. Is it very bad? Yes. Does it sound like something Johnny would do when faced between an easy-fix of his relationship with the Diaz family and his much more difficult and complicated relationship with Robby? Sigh, yeah... unfortunately parenting Robby is the biggest fear he has... it’s not pretty, but it’s not meant to be...

4. Anyway, TL;DR

I’d have felt cheated if Johnny could just magically “become” better - both mentally and in his relationships to others. He’s made big mistakes, has a lot of unresolved mental health issues, and - ironically - has chosen flight over fight for so much of his life that “simply wanting to become better” being enough of a motivator to change all of that around would’ve been unrealistic for his character and unsatisfying for a longterm plot in which we see how difficult it is and (hopefully) get to revel in the continued upwards journey despite that.

Also it would’ve been kind of insulting to these journeys in real life (to do a little conflating for a moment).

Trying to make good is admirable, but it sure isn’t easy and it won’t always work, especially if you don’t know where to even start.

The joy of his story is in seeing someone continue to try despite that.

#johnny lawrence #cobra kai #robby keene #cobra kai meta #my writing #oh hey I wrote just straight-up meta without going halfway narrative about it #ramblerambleramble #i love characters who fuck up over and over again

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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(Tai’s joke anon) The thing about RWBY, the show renders a lot of its defense null and void. Your arguments are valid, but what happened in V8 tells me that the writers are selective. What happened here is going to be treated as a sacrifice Yang isn’t going to have to grow from. Twiin iinks talked about how Yang’s arc should’ve been getting over her PTSD, and that’s what I intend to focus on in my rewrite. Yang will get therapy, she’ll learn how to use her arm, etc. I’ll stick to my guns.

Each of those examples have a very different context though. While I agree wholeheartedly that the group as a whole, on Ruby’s say-so, is incredibly reckless now (hello, airship debacle) and that the writing is failing to call that out, the Volumes 4-5 material is its own thing and, most importantly, the existence of others being reckless doesn’t suddenly absolve Yang of her own flaw.

The key difference between Yang’s behavior and Ruby’s during the Tyrian fight/Blake’s during the Ilia fight is that the latter two were working from a place of strategy. Ruby was ignorant, though through no fault of her own. Qrow deliberately never told her about his semblance and thus she’s unable to think up a reason why he wouldn’t want their help. She initially does keep her distance though, doing what he asks, but when Qrow fails to win the fight — when it becomes clear that he and Tyrian are on equal footing, or that Tyrian may even win — Ruby decides to enter the fray. An order with no justification and, from her perspective, no logic does not outweigh the boost that their teamwork would provide, especially when Qrow is the only who trained Ruby. They clearly work well together. Why not just team-up to beat him? That’s the best plan here.

Similarly, Blake didn’t just set her house on fire for the fun of it. That was a calculated move in battle to even the odds. Ilia had killed the lights and, using her ability to morph into the environment, starts running circles around Blake. Black then decides that the damage done is worth being able to effectively fight back against somewhere who is here to kill her and her parents. She outright says, “Sorry, Dad” as she takes the shot. The strategy is “not dying is better than an undamaged house.”

Yang, in contrast, is not someone whose battle choices stem from strategy. That was partly Tai’s criticism: stop attempting the same thing over and over again with your semblance. That’s the major flaw in her fight with Neon, where she just chases her around the ring, never varying her combat, never trying any strategies, relying entirely on her semblance to win the fight. And when that initially doesn’t work she has, as Tai puts it, a temper tantrum about it: “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Rather than thinking smarter, Yang screams at the sky and punches harder. Unlike Ruby who made the calculated but sadly ignorant choice to assist her uncle in battle and unlike Blake who set her house on fire to regain her sight in a battle, Yang needed to learn how to change up her reactions in a fight. She needed to learn strategy, not just bank on a powerup to win because, as her encounter with Adam shows, that doesn’t always work. And for a while the story did that! We see Yang heeding Tai’s advice. She thought to take her arm off to avoid Mercury and later thought to catch Adam’s sword with her arm. Those moments are great! Yang was heading in the right direction, figuring out how to strategize in battle even if she still struggled to keep her temper in non-combat situations... but then Volume 8 happened. Yang regressed to charging blindly rather than thinking. Ruby and Blake never needed to learn strategy, Yang did, so when Yang gave up on strategy to instead throw herself bodily at Ruby — when she might have used her arm to block Neo’s hit instead, or send in a shot, or anything else she might think of — that reads as far more of a problem. The writing forced Yang back into a specific flaw she had, but it’s not a specific flaw that Blake and Ruby shared.

As for Weiss, that was a purely emotional response. Weiss doesn’t recklessly send a boar after someone and nearly kills them, her summoning activated without her say-so, resulting in a boar that nearly killed someone. Weiss was being manhandled by her abuser after being emotionally gutted by no one caring about the fall of her school. She reacted instinctively. “But Yang also reacted instinctively with Blake and Ruby.” Yes, but the difference is Weiss grew. After the disastrous party Weiss is locked in her room and proceeds to spend all her time practicing summoning. By the time she reunites with the group, she doesn’t summon instinctively like that anymore because she’s got a handle on that part of herself. There was a problem, she worked to fix it. Yang, however, is now right back where she started.

Finally, there’s a huge difference between the character who is chastised and the characters who are not. We can certainly criticize the writing for failing to write additional scenes where someone calls Ruby, Blake, and Weiss out on those choices, but the fact remains that no one did (largely for practical reasons: Qrow is too sick, no one else knows how the fire started, and Weiss only has her abuser who obviously doesn’t care about her growth). Yang, however, did have a loving authority figure to say, “Hey, you need to work on this.” That knowledge makes her more responsible than the others. Criticizing characters for something they may not even realize is an issue is not the same thing as criticizing a character for something they were explicitly told is a problem they need to work on.

As always, context matters. Two characters made dangerous decisions, but they had clear battle outcomes in mind when they did it: a 2v1 battle is more likely to end in our survival, fire makes it more likely for me to survive. Another character instinctively did something dangerous, but spent a whole bunch of time off screen working to fix it. Our fourth character, however, has a habit of making dangerous decisions with no clear strategy in mind, despite being warned against this behavior. Frankly, at this point I think Ruby is as bad as Yang, but Ruby getting worse doesn’t suddenly absolve Yang of her own flaws. Throughout the series — notably before the writing tanked — she has consistently been portrayed as the reckless party girl. Yang is the one who goes to a night club and destroys the place. Yang is the one who is so easily riled up Ruby’s response is, “Oh, here we go” — that’s her norm. Yang is the one who doesn’t have any noble plans for being a huntress, she just likes the excitement, something that she gets by throwing herself into dangerous situations. Yang is the one with the massive arc about the consequences of revving up her semblance and throwing herself at an enemy without a plan... only to, a few months later, rev up her semblance and throw herself at an enemy without a plan. The others are definitely reckless now too — Ruby throwing herself into a cannon comes to mind — but whereas this is a new writing problem since Volume 6, Yang’s recklessness is an established part of her character that was always a part of her.

#rwby #mymetas #Anonymous

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veebs-hates-video-games · 3 years ago

Text

More ranting from Discord about Assassin's Creed Odyssey:

ACO continues to be stupid because it's just good enough to make me want to play more and just bad enough to make me wish I didn't more often than I'd like. I finally went back to it after like three weeks hoping to either have lost interest/be burned out on it or just finish the main story and be done with it so I can reclaim the like 70 GB it's using up, and instead I'm still clearing out all the side quests too. At least I got to employ a Socratic dialogue against Socrates?

Also the scaling of the different combat types as you level up gets increasingly uneven, so it's gone from it being totally viable to use a mixture of everything to being overwhelmingly more efficient to just crank up assassin skills, including the ones that work while already in combat, because "deals 60% of assassin damage" is pretty good when that's 60% of 10x your normal melee attack.

Also the level scaling in ACO is the worst in anything I've played since BL2. I'm constantly overleveled for every area I go to at this point because I did enough side quests and optional stuff to get me a little above the main storyline (which scales to be no more than two levels below you on the normal difficulty settings), which means I get loot that's at least a couple levels below me 95% of the time, which means when I run into something a couple levels higher than me it takes like five minutes to kill a single miniboss because I'm trying to fight a level 41 enemy with a level 37 weapon that does like 2% of their hp in damage when I'm level 39. And I could just go to the blacksmith and manually level up whatever weapon I happen to like, but that just feels dumb because it takes a bunch of resources and you constantly get new stuff anyway.

Neat, I managed to crash it for the first time by failing a quest. Good timing too, because I was just thinking, "Imagine if I'd spent all this time playing a good game instead?"

I think the best way to describe it, along with most of what's both good and bad about it, is that they've smoothed all the edges off everything. There's extremely low friction when it comes to just playing a little longer and seeing what the next mark on the map is or turning in a quest or talking to a person or whatever, and so much stuff progresses so smoothly that it doesn't feel like a big commitment to do any given thing. but also so little you do has any consequences, and there are so few meaningful choices to be made in so many areas of the game.

Like, every weapon of the same level and rarity will have exactly the same DPS. The other stats will vary a tiny bit, but not enough to feel like they matter, so it's just pick whatever has the highest number on it and is of a weapon type where you like the main combo string for it. And you never have to choose between helping different factions or anything because none of them care what you do at all outside of the main story quests, wo there's very little stopping you from doing whatever you want at any point or making any decision, but also very little reason to choose any one thing over another either because none of them matter.

But wow does it do the best job I've possibly ever seen of just getting out of your way and enticing you to play just a little bit longer, even more than Civ's infamous "just one more turn". I might just turn the difficulty all the way down and finish the story, because the combat hasn't changed in any meaningful way in like 50 hours other than taking longer, and it's getting kinda tedious.

Either that or take another break from it or hope I'm sick of it enough to give up on it. But at this point I'm far enough that I just want to see how it ends. I'm skipping more side quests than I was before though, and I've mostly lost interest in the DLC even if it has like another 20-25 hours more story.

#assassin's creed odyssey #assassin's creed series #mentioned:#borderlands 2 #civilization series

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bestworstcase · 4 years ago

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🎥 and i know you already answered this buuuut just in case u have something else big lying around 💥

ask game

🎥- Favorite Season (1/2/3)?

vbhgfhjdfshjd you know. i rag on it constantly but 3. like, flawed as it is– the essentials of it, the broad strokes of the plot arc and lore and cass breaking away from rapunzel and of course demon hours, that’s... what i wanted out of the show, ultimately. and the poor execution is just an opportunity for me to tear it apart and put it back together again the way i like, which is not... a downside, in my mind, because that’s pretty integral to how i enjoy things.

that being said 2 gets points for having RATGT in it

💥- A big a opinion you have related to the Tangled movie/series?

i mean u know me i hoard opinions like a dragon hoards treasure but one i don’t think i’ve fully voiced on here before is that i actually like where rapunzel’s characterization goes in s3. the frustration for me is that it doesn’t feel like it was intentional, and that’s a problem of poor writing that creates an annoying tonal dissonance.

but like, if we look at rapunzel’s behavior in s3 and take that at face value... like you said here rapunzel kind of does this weird swerve where despite her refusal to give up on cass she also feels much quicker to anger, quicker to judgment, quicker to making snap decisions. she stops accepting blame for things that aren’t her fault and she also becomes more forceful about trying to get her way (e.g. in KAQOH). she verbalizes care and concern for cass without proactively doing...anything about the situation. she meets the mind trap theft with a shrug, meets zhan tiri’s gloating with a shrug, and appears to only care about varian’s kidnapping because it ruins eugene’s birthday and her planned proposal.

and like, much as i get the impulse to read that as rapunzel repressing her true feelings and putting on a happy front so solid she even starts to believe it... i don’t think there’s a lot of textual evidence for that reading, in the end, just as there isn’t a lot of textual evidence for the reading that cass is using the gothel thing as an easy focal point for all her other issues with rapunzel; because in both cases, there’s never any narrative payoff for these supposed acts of repression. the deeper truth never comes out, is never mentioned or even hinted out.

and that doesn’t make them bad readings per se but it does make them... not super interesting to me, because damn it if characters are hardcore repressing their feelings i want that to MATTER and i want to see the CONSEQUENCES for that.

conversely

even though i know it wasn’t the intention, i like reading rapunzel as genuinely growing into a more selfish, more callous person in response to all the shit that happens in s2. i think that makes sense! and i think it is a really fascinating avenue for her character! and i think it opens up a lot of really interesting and complicated options for further growth–like

1) for eighteen years, rapunzel grows up sheltered and inculcated with terror regarding everything outside her tower. then she learns that her “mother” is actually her kidnapper, goes through a harrowing experience that ends in gothel dying pretty horribly right before her eyes, and then goes straight to her real parents in corona

2) where she is then immediately thrust into a position of enormous authority and responsibility and expected to get up to speed on how to be a competent princess in, like, six months

3) then at the six month mark she gets a whole bunch of magic destiny bullshit dumped in her lap on top of everything else

4) she tries so hard to break herself free of the psychological chains gothel left her with, to see the goodness in the world and trust people and embrace the world outside the tower... and then the QFAD stuff happens, and she’s traumatized, and the fallout of that traumatizes her more so she sort of snaps herself back into Repression Mode and pretending everything is fine, and that leads indirectly to varian, her friend, snapping and assaulting the kingdom and kidnapping her mom and trying to kill her mom and best friend.

5) so she Immediately Leaves corona to deal with the magic destiny bullshit but that’s scary so she treats it more like a vacation than a serious quest but that causes friction between her and her best friend and she’s just coping! not very well but she’s trying her best!

6) but her best isn’t good enough and things with cass keep getting more and more tense and the magic bullshit destiny keeps getting more and more real as they get closer to the DK and more information comes to light... and then the great tree happens, and rapunzel makes a choice that leads directly to cassandra getting horrifically injured

7) and this is not a situation that rapunzel is equipped to handle AT ALL so she dumps whatever guilt and shame she feels onto cass as anger and blame and gets extremely anxious and pushy about trying to make cass apologize/accept this narrative that the injury was cass’s fault and not rapunzel’s, and it even seems to work for a while because cass ends up being the one who apologizes at the end of RDO...

8) ...but at this point like, the whole friendship has broken down, right? cass is so shut down and alienated that after RDO imo it was only a matter of time before cass left altogether, and it’s just rapunzel’s bad luck that zhan tiri stepped in to be that final trigger to make that happen. but like from rapunzel’s perspective, everything was fine after RDO until cass just. suddenly. lashed out at her and stole the moonstone and ran away to do lord knows what.

9) and to make matters worse the only explanation cass offers is that she’s mad at rapunzel because gothel was cass’s mom and abandoned her, something that obviously is not rapunzel’s fault. and rapunzel at this point has PLENTY of experience being blamed for shit that isn’t her fault, and very little experience dealing with guilt for things that are her fault in a healthy way (in fact RDO ended up rewarding rapunzel for refusing to deal with her guilt in a healthy way) so... she has very little incentive to take cassandra’s betrayal as a reason to introspect on her own behavior, right? she has no reason to stop and think well what did i do to make her feel like she had to do that instead of talking to me about it?

10) and the rest of the friend group likes raps better than cass so they also don’t have any reason to be like hey, rapunzel, we didn’t treat her very well, did we?

11) and then she returns to an environment where she is effectively the acting queen, and her friend group has this narrative that rapunzel is a kind and compassionate person almost to a fault (because she is) so she is constantly having this idea that she didn’t do anything wrong, this was all cass reinforced. [remember how in DC eugene implicitly agrees with rapunzel’s sentiment that cass, not rapunzel, is to blame for cass’s injury? “that’s how cass hurt her hand”]

12) and frankly all this seems to me like a PERFECT storm for some of the behaviors rapunzel observed/inherited from gothel to float to the surface. she has always been a little pushy, a little prone to not accepting culpability, a little inclined toward black-and-white thinking. right? so for those things to, in the wake of this traumatic betrayal by her best friend, coagulate together into rapunzel being more forceful, more confident, more focused on her own happiness rather than trying to please other people, all while still giving lip service to being compassionate and refusing to ever give up on anyone and missing cassandra... like, that makes sense as a character development for her to undergo, i think.

and i LIKE that. the only problem is that it goes unremarked upon and it’s clearly not intended for rapunzel to be this way, which means that the narrative ends up sort of presenting all this as ~positive~ character development when it’s... really... not. and that creates that tonal dissonance that i mentioned.

but like, character development does not always need to be positive and it does not always need to be linear. people can get better then worse then better again and that’s fine, and i think there’s just... so much mileage to be gotten, in fanworks, out of taking this negative character development in s3 at face value and then running with it to the logical consequences thereof: i want to see rapunzel’s friends slowly realizing that she has changed in the aftermath of s3, once they don’t literally have a demon waging war on the kingdom to deal with; i want to see rapunzel getting called out, i want to see her struggle as she learns how to deal with guilt and accept blame for her actual mistakes; i want to see rapunzel wrestle with the personality traits she learned from gothel and figuring out who she is and who she wants to be; i want to see her slowly-dawning horror as she realizes how she’s overcorrected from “people-pleaser” and become callous to other people’s feelings, and the work she does to pull herself back onto a healthy middle ground instead.

like!! i get, i totally get, the impulse in fanworks to just kinda put all this down to poor writing (because that’s what it is) and take the obvious intentions of s3 (that rapunzel has come into her own and found a good, healthy place for herself and does truly care for cass and want to help her etc etc) and roll with that. that’s a totally valid way to read the text esp for the purpose of creating fanworks

but i just think it’s neat and fun to take it at face value and then try to like, work through the consequences of that. let rapunzel have serious flaws 2k20

#rta #ancientriverbed

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dragonrajafanfiction · 3 years ago

Text

Tokyo Tower (End) The Script is Rewritten

*waggles eyebrows* Hinted at in the chapter Butterfly Effect, little decisions lead to huge consequences. :)

"Is the King General's legacy?" Chisei's back was against Tachibana’s.

The deadpool in front of you has not only evolved a snake tail, but even evolved a pair of membrane wings. In the legends of countless ancient civilizations, the difference between ordinary beasts and gods and demons is the power of flight.

These Deadpool have very little human to them; they are far closer to wild dragons, dancing in the air.

The legendary dragon deadpool has appeared in the world.

"Go back to the elevator!" Chisei shouts to you. But he himself suddenly burst past you, sword executing a swift arc of twisted light.

The flying beast in front of you folded its wings like a raging gargoyle and lunged at you with its blade-like claws, but hit Chisei’s longsword before it could pounce over the railing and cut you open.

The sword made a rhythmic whoosh-whoosh sound, brightly spinning out of Chisei’s hand and through the air like a helicopter's rotors, before stopping suddenly, firmly grasped in your hand. You draw your claw dagger. “Those words give me Deja vu. You were saying?”

Having lost Onimaru to you, Chisei draws his remaining sword Dojigiri as a deadpool pounced from the top of the tower. Just as it neared reaching him, it cracked in half. Dojigiri had split its body in two and with the sharpness of that sword, the wound took a few seconds to show.

Another Deadpool swooped up from below the observation deck and swung its tail at you. You might not be an expert swordsman but you swing the blade automatically in the manner of a slashing dagger, only this dagger was much longer. The blade cut so easily through the deadpool, like a carving knife cutting a fresh ham, severing through the skin and muscle fibers smoothly, the bones cracking in pathetic resistance. You’d never felt anything cut through dragon tissue like that. Your eyes sharpen and widen with the thrill of killing! You swing again and the head goes flying off!

“Leave these to me! You go back to the elevator!” You call, your voice filled with a mocking sort of laughter. Your hair is flying in the rain as you run off to confront your next victim who slashes at you and collides with the sword blade. You roll and parry and sidestep, dancing with each opponent until you find an opening and then you go in with Onimaru, stabbing through and cutting out, leaving grievous wounds with it. The long sword forced a bit more distance from your opponents than you were used to, so your claw dagger served more as a parry weapon, than your main killing blow, punishing those who dared reach inside the hitbox of Onimaru to get at you with a lost finger or a cut wrist.

You dance back into the observation room to join the others. Sakura and Bondarev were gathering what little weapons were strewn across the floor.

“The elevator isn’t on the floor any more!” Bondarev shouts. “I do not know who is summoning the elevator below but they took our weapons!”

You turned toward the voice briefly, but had to turn back to fend off another attacker. Every instinct told you that was BS. There was no one else here unless Caesar and Zihang were coming up too. Bondarev was a military man and a strategist, not some old coot in a sweater waiting to retire. You still remember him on skis, his sleeveless shirt showing immaculate physique while he stood in minus 3 degree weather with a wind chill of minus thirty-three. LIke some Siberian Heracles. And now he had taken dragon blood to bolster his aging strength, not to mention give himself a significant healing factor.

He was delaying for some reason. Was he still trying to kill you? It would be wise to assume so. You’re not getting on the elevator. You got a very bad feeling that Bondarev was not going to let you leave this tower alive.

Chisei Gen also retreated into the room and swung his long sword clean, throwing away the black blood on it. The three of them regrouped, Sakura holding a sword with both hands, Bondarev holding the blunt end of a two-meter-long European lance, the tip of which resembles a crescent moon.

"Come on!” Chisei beckons to you. “Crow and Yasha, they will think of something."

You see the shock and dismay in his eyes when you back away and shake your head.

He tries again. “MC! We need to put aside our differences right now!”

“Some things cannot be put aside I’m afraid.” Bondarev sighs sadly. “I killed her best friend in Black Swan Bay. She was young. Barely a woman. I have no right to ask her to fight by my side.”

You sneer at his performance. Then you rudely and sharply cut through his bluster with facts. “If I get on that elevator, he’s going to kill me. The same way he killed her. He won’t kill you. At least… not directly. He’ll manipulate you into dying, giving up your life by choice. That’s how it works… right Bondarev?” You look at him directly. “How can a master spy like you not know your precious asset would be here to save you?”

A very dark shadow obscures your face and when you look up, the sky above the glass ceiling is seething with deadpool. The deadpool let out a shrill whistle and swoop down as if the black mountain of clouds hanging overhead had collapsed.They smash that glass ceiling all at once and come flying in, their jagged bone wings snapping violently open.

You roll and flee the group waiting for the elevator, putting as many deadpool as you can between yourself and Bondarev. Z’s words to you ring in your ears. He said, ‘your ride will be here shortly’, right before Fingel came crashing out of the sky. He wasn’t referring to leaving with Fingel, he meant your alternate way out that was waiting for you, waiting for this moment. The rope that dangled from the Tokyo Tower saved Fingel from death. And it would save you too.

In the distance came the sound of a bell tolling twelve o'clock at midnight. The sound of the bells are unusually cold to the ears, and Tokyo seemed to be transformed into a ghostly medieval city in this rainstorm, with the bronze bells on the churches roaring and the devils laughing wildly in the shadows.

The deadpool creatures no longer have hands. Judging by the puckered scars at the joints, they appear removed by some kind of surgery, replaced with curved metal serrated scimitars granting them a long reach but no grappling ability except for their prehensile tails. So long as you target their wings, they wouldn’t be able to climb back up the tower very easily. That fearlessness that moved Chime Gen to praise you in front of your peers takes hold of you again.

The beasts chase you like seagulls, creeling, getting in each other's way and bunching up. You slide like a baseball player under a canopy of razor sharp blades and jump up behind one, slamming Onimaru into its back and dangling from the hilt to cut the wings off the other beasts. You brace yourself on it, like riding a rodeo show horse. The monster beneath your feet heaved and rolled, howling in pain but was more occupied with defending itself from being overwhelmed by its own brethren than attacking you.

You were eye to eye with them in mid air, using the deadpool dagger to cut into their wings, tearing the membranes. You stab into the space between the joints and the biomechanical working of the muscles is so strong, it nearly wrenches your dagger from your hands. The deadpool creatures with damaged wings start to fall from the sky, unable to keep up their flight but they still have the strength to glide back onto the platform.

You twist the sword and leap back onto the platform to regroup. One beast rears up to battle but then its head snaps back to the sound of a distant rifle. You dash in to slit its throat. You grin! Somewhere on the roof of a far building, Mingfei was still there with his sniper rifle! You calculate in your head. You know he was shooting before. You make a conservative estimate for his ammunition and assume he still has your rifle and ammunition as a back up.

This was good news because reinforcements were arriving on the Deadpool side. More of them are climbing up over the railing, their scales shimmering. In addition to the dragon-like Deadpool, there are more of those snake-like Deadpool from Genji Heavy Industries, and they are all converging on the observation deck.

The demon hordes of Herzog and Bondarev had amassed against you.

A buffeting downdraft came from above. Huge black shadows descended from the sky. The support from Crow and Yasha in the form of helicopters finally arrived. The elite of the Executive Board of Japan stood on the landing gear and fired. Intense firepower pinned down the group of Deadpool. The helicopter’s heavy rapid-fire machine gun poured out a rain of bullets without a care in the world -- or a care for you for that matter! You’re forced to take cover from their reckless rain of bullets that could easily kill you as much as they beat back the Deadpool!

You snarl in your heart, cursing Bondarev again. The helicopter slowly approached the observation deck. The Executive Board's plan was apparently to open the way with a barrage of bullets, allowing their three leaders to jump directly onto the aircraft.

"Follow me!" Through the broken windows and heaving mass of bodies, you see Chisei bend down and pick up one sword after another. These blades began to spin in midair. He could wield them without touching them! He used these blades to open the way. Deadpool could not approach him when the royal blood was burning.

The Hydra members were inspired by the leader's godlike bravery, and the Gatling machine guns roared even louder as the barrage of bullets drove Deadpool and you to the sides, leaving the way for Gen Chisei and the others, but pushing you farther away from your rope! You wished you had a ballistic weapon in your hand right now so you can shoot Bondarev! He seemed to realize that, like the King, you were betting on an alternative and was forcibly moving you away from your desired position.

Chisei didn’t seem concerned for you any longer. Who knew what that snake whispered in his ear to wipe away your warning words. The helicopter lowered the ladder and approached the observation deck, and the men stopped firing to wave desperately for Chisei to jump up quickly.

A new black shadow shot out of the observation area like an arrow, having taken a mighty leap, and bit the hanging ladder. The men on the landing gear were stunned. They didn't even think that these ferocious beasts had such intelligence. They seemed to be completely suppressed by the rain of bullets, but in fact they were waiting for their chance to attack!

For a bloody meal, these things are happy to trade their lives. A second black shadow swooped out of the tower and latched onto the first one’s tail. The men’s eyes are wide with terror as they shoot at the deadpool who had bitten the hanging ladder. But the battered Deadpool didn't let go. Its mutilated face seemed to be wearing a maniacal grin as more and more of them bit its tail, hooking their bodies upward with their metal blade appendages. One black shadow after another swarms into the cockpit, the men’s guns still roaring, but to no avail. They could not expel those who had come to feed. The helicopter had become their coffin.

Chisei watched in silence as the helicopter moved away from the observation deck, like a wounded eagle going to find a place to heal, but it didn't get very far before it lost its balance and plummeted toward the square.

The helicopter landed in flames.

With no helicopter and the elevator taking its sweet time getting here, Chisei took quick stock in the situation. Bondarev was still limping next to his guardian Chisei, sticking close to him. If anything happened to Chisei, you’re not sure how you would face Chime ever again. But so long as that viper was next to him, your survival couldn’t be guaranteed. So you keep your mouth shut about the rope and keep your distance.

You’d have to find a way to separate those two, not only physically but mentally, but time was ticking. There were too many enemies, not enough weapons. From this high in the air, you couldn’t use your Soul Skill. It was too wet inside and out to use fire. So long as those deadpool were swimming all over this place, there was no way you’d be able to use the rope and escape scot free. You had to beat these things to escape!

You hear a sudden low, melodic snarling.

Chisei recited the long lost language and his Soul Skill, Majesty, was released, expanding slowly, the borders glowing with a faint luminescence. He walked to the center of the special observation deck where his ability could just about cover the whole area. This was Chisei’s coup de grace. While it was overwhelming, he would be as weak as a baby later. But this would be your last chance!

You rush toward the staggering deadpool, a whirling dervish with twin blades. Black blood splashed in fountains and ran like waterfalls off the observation deck. This was no time for finesse or art killing. You fell on them like a mad beast while they could not move. How long did Majesty endure the last time you saw it? Around 30 seconds to a minute? This would be a greater fitness test than anything you had experienced in Black Swan Bay. You had to kill, de-wing or disable dozens of deadpool in 30 seconds.

It was an incomparably bizarre scene. The deadpool were prostrate on the ground, unable to even lift their heads, inert pieces of meat for you to slaughter. The floor tiles cracked and they sank inch by inch into the concrete floor platform.

What world would Renata think of you now? Or even the loving father version of Dr. Herzog that you used to believe existed? You imagined them watching the clock, cheering you on. Vera applauding and whooping, saying you can do it. In your head, these fantasies seem to be extending the time longer than thirty seconds, but you try not to think about it. Every second lost would never return. You had to take every one and kill two or even three deadpool per second and not think about the clock.

Then it was over. A deadpool hissed at you and swiped out one claw. You leap back and sever it at the same time. You look towards Chisei and Chisei looks back at you. He opens his mouth to speak but vomits red. You look around as the deadpool raise their upper bodies even as their lower heavier bodies are still stuck. They’re so insanely ravenous that they pull hard, and in their attempt to drag themselves, pull their own bodies apart! Their naked vertebrae, stripped of flesh, dripping black, gives the scene the new appearance of a zombie apocalypse as they crawl forward, cutting you off from the elevator. But they’re still weak. You can still kill them.

You shake your head at Chisei as he gazes at you from across the gap. It shocked you. He should be concerned about Bondarev. That man had his invisible shackles around his mind, but he hesitated. He wanted to save you. But you knew that the minute you were ‘saved’, you would be in the clutches of Hydra and that was the end.

You would take your chances with the deadpool horde.

Chisei finally turned back, staggering and near collapse. The deadpool slithered after him, slowed, but still active. He was still making an effort to support what you felt was a malingering Bondarev when suddenly Bondarev fell to the floor, pulling Chisei to the ground.

Majesty released further and the beasts were starting to attack closer to full speed! You’re dodging and slashing and Mingfei was still firing to give you back up support, but if Chisei didn’t leave now, he would die. Time was truly up!

You gasp, momentarily torn. If you left the edge of the tower now to go help Chisei get to the elevator, you’d be completely committed to that route with Bondarev. But if you lost Chisei…

Chime’s cry echoed in your mind. Brother!

You chew your lip hard and turn to go back to the Observation deck to help! But as you do you see that someone else is carrying Chisei!

Sakura Yabuki had leaped up and grabbed Chisei’s arms and carried him on her back. She didn’t look that strong but she was. Apparently, she’d tired of his delay and was hauling him like a sack of potatoes to get out.

Now you just needed to secure your own escape. The half bodied deadpool were no match for your twinblades and you laughed at cutting them down like mere chickens. You felt free to expend the last of your energy doing this. Your escape was now guaranteed. You’d run the gauntlet and once again come out the winner!

Surrounded by corpses, you look around. There were no more deadpool coming. You straighten in confusion. Was it something you said?

As one swarm, the deadpool abandoned you to chase something else and your heart twisted in despair and tears sparked from your eyes. You screech in desperate fury! “No! Chisei, you idiot, you didn’t! You didn’t sacrifice yourself for that MAN!”

You scream at the flying figure above you. The person, however, was not Chisei. It was Sakura! Using a ballistic grapple hook like Batman, she was soaring over the top to the observation deck through the broken windows!

You stomped your foot in a fury! That Bondarev siren song of suicide! What was she thinking? Did Sakura not think you might have a way out? Did she figure that you were giving Chisei a way out by killing yourself? You weren’t like everyone else in the Japan Branch! You didn’t give your life away like them!

Sakura didn’t deserve to be used as food for Bondarev!

Sakura was climbing to the top of the central spire of the Tokyo tower, the huge radio tower on top of the observation deck, while being pursued by every deadpool in the tower. Just like in the elevator shaft, they ignored you completely, sweeping by and slithering and trailing drool. Once they got to the base of the spire they started to kill each other to be the first to climb up while suppressive fire rained down from Sakura’s last remaining gun.

Lu Mingfei shifted his focus from you to the tower in support of Sakura. You follow her trajectory closely the way she climbed, the way she was lining herself up with you on the top of the tower. She was lining herself up close to you.

You feel a slight shiver and your eyes widen. She really did believe in you. She believed you had an alternate way out!

She’s now standing up at the top of the radio tower and bows deeply in thanks to Mingfei for his support.

She was going to jump and that whole horde was going to follow her down into the void. Your heart is beating. A spotlight was on you. You had only one chance at this. You slip Onimaru into your belt. You climb the safety railing as she takes her leap of faith, a wave of black scaly bodies falling in a beautiful, horrible arc.

You throw yourself off too.

At the critical moment, your bodies align and your eyes meet. You sweep up with your claw dagger. The hooked claw rends the bloody fabric that the deadpool found so irresistible. Then you wrap that arm around her slender waist and reach out for the rope you knew was there, the rope that had saved Fingel not too long ago from the same fate.

The sudden stop pulls your shoulder out of its socket and your arm nearly releases but by then, Sakura has recovered her senses and grabs hold of you before you can fall, clinging to the rope herself.

The tattered wet and bloody clothing continues the rapid descent Sakura should have taken had you not been there. Had you not climbed the steps. Had you not loved Ruri Kazama enough to obey his words and not Caesar’s.

The deadpool continued their fall after the clothing and you could hear the disgusting continuous splatter of their bodies slamming into the concrete and bursting apart in an ebony fountain.

Sakura Yabuki supports you and helps you cling to the rope. She’s completely topless and her body is warm against yours in the cold rain.

“I have to ask you, because I don’t understand. Why save me? Chisei killed the man you loved. It would have been easy to let me fall. Let me die. To let Chisei feel the pain you felt that night. Some would even call it justice.” She gasped out the words.

You’re both shivering and out of breath.

You stare at her with frigid eyes. “I don’t know what justice is, first of all.” You snap, angry and desperate, your emotions swirling in a hurricane in your mind. “And second of all, I didn’t save you because of Chisei.” Your eyes sparkle in the dark with unshed tears. “Third of all, I’m sure he is feeling what I felt that night, because he thinks you’re dead right now. But unlike Chance, you will come back!”

Sakura Yabuki sobered. She didn’t know you, but you had the feeling she was listening closely and understanding.

So you continue, each sentence a shouted exclamation above the rain’s metallic rhythm on the tower struts. “I didn’t come here with morals or life lessons that teach me mercy. I’m no better than he is. I was raised by Dr. Herzog for God’s sake! Chisei Gen was raised by that child-murderer Bondarev! We both kill first and ask questions later. Our father figures just tried to rip each other’s throats out! It shouldn’t surprise anyone that we’re going to hurt each other, so don’t think I care for him! The only true difference between us, in truth?” You pause, your eyes wide. “I just hang out with better people! Caesar, Chu Zihang, Lu Mingfei, and Ruri Kazama. They’re my world. I will do things that will please them. So I look better. But I’m not better!”

Your voice lowers to a dull snarl in her ears. “I could have just walked away, easily! I could be eating a warm bowl of ramen noodles, right now!” Your snarl turned to a soft bitter laughter. “But Chime… Chime would never have forgiven me if something happened to his brother because I did that. I could have let you fall. But Chance is gone. I might have another chance… at love. That is.” You again crack a brief joke. “But Chime wouldn’t want me to hurt his brother by letting you die.”

Your laughter takes hold of you, but it’s painful. It was just a way to stop from crying. “I’m only here because of my boyfriend. You heard that right. It’s so stupid.” You shove Onimaru back into her hands. “Here, take his dumb sword back. I don’t want it.”

Sakura looked down at you and a small smile graced her features. “Fair. Still, I must thank you. Farewell. Until we meet again.” Sakura Yabuki slid down the rope, speeding down the rest of the way down from Tokyo Tower. You see her land and she’s gone in the blink of an eye.

#Dragon Raja

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echo-bleu · 4 years ago

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Brothers

A little Manes brothers canon divergence for @eveningspirit ‘s birthday! I hope you like it :) It also happens to fit with today’s @alexmanesappreciation theme: legacy.

[concussions, mentions of vomiting, mentions of abuse, mentions of the shed scene]

The exact sequence of events that leads to him, Flint and Gregory sitting together on a mattress in the bared living room of a house he doesn't know will remain blurry in Alex's memory. He puts it on the massive concussion he sustained at the hands of his own father, because he was careless enough to let his guard drop for ten seconds and the bastard managed to sneak up on him.

He remembers waking up in his childhood home and almost throwing up on the floor of the basement at the goddamn awful feeling of being back there−or maybe that was just the concussion. Probably the concussion.

He'd suspected that his father was faking most of the consequences of his stroke for a while, and he'd known about the bug on his phone for days. He just didn't expect his father to act so fast, in the middle of the junkyard, when Alex was supposed to report back in the morning.

Maybe Jesse heard something in his voice down in the bunker. Alex let his emotions carry him away and said more than he meant to, so maybe his father figured out that he was made somehow. Either way, he got the drop on him, and Alex woke up with a killer headache, pissed off, confused, and, yes, scared. Even after all these years, after three tours overseas, his father still scares the shit out of him.

The one who greeted him upon waking up, however, was not his father. It was Flint, a gun in his hand and a hard look on his face. Alex's sudden hope that Flint was here to free him was squashed quickly at his sneer. He listened to Flint and their father argue up in the living room about where to keep him for hours−something about Jesse grabbing him too early, before things were ready−before Flint came to get him. He'd learned his lesson from last time, because he stayed out of range of Alex's zip-tied hands the whole way out of the house. Alex nearly fell down the stairs at least three times because of the dizziness, and threw up, with some satisfaction, on his father's shoes.

It's been days, but he's still dizzy and nauseous all the time, and the killer headache is a constant companion.

Greg's hands are on him, checking him over. He finds one of the bumps on his head and Alex flinches away, almost overbalancing off the mattress when the cuff on his wrist pulls him back. “Are you alright?” Greg murmurs. Alex nods, and immediately regrets it as it sends a spike of pain down his spine.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Greg?” Flint growls. For once, he doesn't have his gun in his hand. Alex realizes that it's because the gun is tucked in Greg's waistband and he frowns, trying to keep it in his line of sight just in case. He thinks Greg actually cares, that he's not in on this with Flint and their Dad, but if he's not, why is he here?

“Now that's a real funny story,” Greg smirks mirthlessly. “Why don't you sit down, Flint?” He formulates it as a question, but it's obviously an order. And in a situation where there's only one gun, ranks don't matter much. Greg is out of the Navy and Alex outranks both of them anyway. Flint slowly drops to the floor, just outside the mattress, and crosses both his legs and his arms petulantly.

“See, yesterday morning, I got a call,” Greg stars. “It's the funny thing about being the only one in our family Alex trusts enough to list as next of kin. You get these calls. I got one before,” he nods to Alex's leg. “No, two, actually. There was that one time−” Alex glares at him and he rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay, back to the point. I was told that Alex had been AWOL for 72 hours, and they were looking for him.”

Alex winces. Of course he already knows that crawling this way out of this one, even if everything ends well and no one dies, is going to be impossible. Being AWOL will earn him jail time, which is already bad, but if they start looking into his recent activities out of suspicion...well, he hopes to God that Liz has really emptied the lab, or things will get a hell of a lot more complicated.

Speaking of Liz...

Helena Ortecho was a surprise. There's a kind of irony in there, that Alex would be more surprised at being held captive by a woman he hasn't seen in over a decade than by his own family. He wonders what Liz would think of Helena being a kidnapper−or of her being more motherly to him that he's ever seen her be to Liz and Rosa. She watched Flint tie him up to a radiator without a word and then brought him food and clothes that weren't covered in vomit and dust, even getting Flint to briefly untie him at gunpoint to get his arm through the sleeve. Alex might have tried to seize the opportunity to fight back if he'd been able to see straight.

“Now I'm a good brother, and I know there's no way Alex would go AWOL without a good reason,” Greg continues. “Especially the day after he drove to the rez with a bunch of suspicious people who are supposedly his friends, and tells me he thinks that Dad has changed.”

Flint huffs.

“Yes,” Greg nods. “Either our baby brother really is more naive than we thought, or something fishy is going on.” Alex rolls his eyes, and Greg just glares at him.

The last few days, after getting to the house, are even more fuzzy. Alex remembers trying to push the mattress against the wall to get a better range of movement, and Flint coldly making him pull it back. He remembers pulling off his prosthetic, his stump swollen and sore from too much time with it on, and then trying to hit Flint with it the next time he came by, which earned him what is probably a second concussion from the butt of his brother's gun. He doesn't really remember anything since then. From the stubble on his face, it's been at least three days, but time is wonky and his mind unreliable.

Which brings him to now, and now has Greg sitting beside him on the mattress. Alex tries to blink away the confusion and sit up properly, wincing when his stump moves on the mattress. Days without a shrinker will make it a bitch to get back into the prosthetic.

Greg shifts. “I took a family emergency day, since that seemed to be the case, and I drove to Roswell. I had to look up my own brother's address in the phone book,” he glares again.

Alex throws his free hand up. “Hey, you're the one who didn't want to come.” His voice is weak and hoarse from disuse, and Greg looks more concerned than chastened.

“Right. I broke in−sorry, Alex, I'll replace the lock if you want me to. Alex's house was empty but his suitcase was still waiting on his bed. So I looked up Isobel Evans.”

“Really? Isobel?”

Greg shrugs. “I don't know what's going on between you, Guerin and Maria, but I'm not getting in the middle of it. Besides, Isobel seemed the most sensible of all of you.”

“You're just attracted to her,” Alex mutters.

“Alex, the choice I had was her or her brother. I know you're gay, but would you really go to Max Evans first?”

“I see your point,” Alex concedes, though he's still really not sure “sensible” is the adjective he'd use to describe Isobel. His muddled brain can't seem to come up with a better one, though, so he lets it go.

“All Isobel could tell me was that no one had seen you since you came back from the rez, but she got everyone moving to find you. Guerin went at it with Dad, got him to admit that he got to you first and Flint took you from him. Don't ask me how, I don't know.”

Isobel, Alex thinks after he's parsed all this−with at least a thirty-second delay. Isobel must have gone into their Dad's head, he would never have told them that willingly. But Greg doesn't know about aliens and there's no way he'll risk telling Flint something he could use against them, so he keeps quiet.

“After that, it wasn't hard to follow Flint here from his place,” Greg finishes. “I disarmed him once I confirmed you were here.”

Flint grunts. Alex looks over at him, amused. He's never been the best at self-defense, even when they were kids, too easily overtaken by his temper.

“Now will someone explain to me what's going on here?” Greg straightens up more, in a stance that looks relaxed but Alex can feel is fully vigilant. He may be missing part of the story, but he's a force to be reckoned with.

Alex and Flint exchange a glance. Somehow even as they stand on opposite sides of this fight, this decision−tell Greg about the aliens or try to lie their way through some kind of resolution−comes down to them. “Where's Helena?” Alex asks.

“In town,” Flint answers, some of the confrontation gone from his tone. “She won't be back for a few hours.”

“Who's Helena?” Greg asks.

“Flint's accomplice,” Alex answers. “Ironically also my friends' mom.”

“Which friends?” Greg frowns.

“Liz and Rosa. You remember them?”

Greg nods. “Rosa was the girl in Flint's year who died, right? Her mom is helping you?” he asks Flint.

Flint shrugs and looks at Alex again, trying to communicate something silently. Alex doesn't bother figuring out what it is. His head isn't quite clear enough to see all of the implications, but he already knows that there's no way Greg will settle for anything short of the truth. And Greg has always been very good at reading his brothers.

Plus, Greg is in control here, and he's been more than sympathetic to Alex since his injury. This could come out well for Alex, so he won't let Flint turn this to his advantage.

“Dad tried to take me down because I've become an inconvenience to his little genocide plan,” he says before Flint can stop him. “Flint thinks he can use me to get Michael to build him a bomb.”

That's the little he's gathered from Flint's talk with Dad the other day, and from Flint and Helena's interaction. He has no idea where Helena comes into it or how she learned about aliens, but he knows Flint's motivations well enough. They've been clear since Caulfield.

“Wait, genocide? Bomb?” Greg spits out in shock. Then he shakes his head, as if realizing that he shouldn't be surprised. “What the fuck are you doing, Flint?”

“They're invaders,” Flint says. “They're dangerous.” He's looking at Alex rather than Greg, as if he's trying to convince him. Alex wonders if he's not still trying to convince himself. Dad's twisted ideas coming from Flint's mouth sound so perverted and out of place.

“They're people,” Alex shoots back.

“They're aliens!”

“They're refugees!”

“Whoa,” Greg throws up his arms. “Am I missing something obvious or did you suddenly become a racist asshole? Are you even hearing yourself?” he asks Flint. Flint has the good grace to look a little abashed.

“Literal aliens,” Alex mutters. “We're talking about actual aliens.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Not even a little,” Alex sighs.

Greg closes his eyes. “Okay. Aliens. And Dad−”

“Wants to kill them all. Kept some of them prisoners for decades and experimented on them.”

Alex watches both Greg and Flint's face closely as he says that. Greg's is suitably horrified, but he doesn't know how to interpret Flint's expression. It's not disgust. It's not glee, either. He may be parroting Dad's rhetoric, but he's not lost to it.

“Dad was just trying to protect us,” he says. Not perfectly assured. The facade is cracking.

“Was?” Greg notices.

“He's been weaker, since the stroke.”

“You know he's faking the limp, right?” Alex asks.

A shadow goes through Flint's gaze. “Of course,” he says, but it's obviously a lie.

“Another lovely moment, finding out my father has been faking a disability for months when he hit me over the head with his cane,” Alex casually turns to Greg. Flint winces, glancing down at Alex's empty pant leg. “I love how well we communicate in this family.”

“Alex−” Flint starts.

“You don't get to say anything. You've been holding me chained up for days against my will. You've lost the right to tell me how great a family we are.”

“I'm still hung up over the alien thing, but I have to agree with Alex here,” Greg says. “What the fuck were you thinking, Flint?”

“He wants Michael to do something for him,” Alex says when Flint doesn't answer. “I don't even know why you'd think Michael will do anything. We're not together. And you're asking him to build a bomb designed to wipe out his entire species, Flint.”

“Wait, wait, Guerin's an alien?” Greg interrupts him.

“Yep,” Alex pops out the 'p'. “That's Dad's great threat to earth. Three orphan refugees who just want to live their life.”

“They're not alone,” Flint mutters, at the same time as Greg asks, “Three? Who else?”

“Max and Isobel Evans,” Alex smirks. The cat is out of the bag anyway, since Flint knows, and this little revenge feels good. Having one of his brothers on his side will feel good.

Greg blinks. “Okay,” he drawls out. “Let me get this straight. Guerin and the Evanses are aliens, even though they look just like us. And Dad knows about this, and wants to...wipe them out? And you're helping him?” he points to Flint.

“It's not just them,” Flint says. “We had specimens in Caulfield who could cause cancer with a simple touch, blow up whole buildings. They have dangerous powers.”

“And you have a gun,” Alex says. “How is it less dangerous than any of those powers? Powers, I should add, that Dad had no trouble using for his own agenda when it came to eliminating Jim Valenti.”

“Jim Valenti was killed by Subject N-38,” Flint frowns.

“And what, you think he went into his cell for fun? I have all the video surveillance, Flint. All the records. Decades of Dad and our grandfather randomly torturing people before going home for Sunday dinner.” From those surveillance tapes, he knows that Flint never had real contact with any of the prisoners. He never even went beyond the upper level, where he did the designs for his bomb. Alex spent hours and hours watching those tapes. “They're the same as us. Just people.”

“They want to wipe us out,” Flint says.

“They're my family,” Alex counters softly.

The shock on Flint's face would be comical, if it wasn't so painful. Greg's gaze on Alex is lost and sad. “They're more my family than you've ever been,” Alex adds for Flint.

He tries to mitigate that blow by putting a hand on Greg's arm, to show him that he doesn't mean him, but Greg shakes his head and gently moves away, guilt obvious on his face. Alex pushes through and leans his shoulder on Greg's, welcoming the support. His head is clearer now, but he's aching all over.

“Did you ever stop to think, when you were overseas?” he starts, his voice barely more than a whisper as he's trying to conserve some energy. “When you pointed your gun at insurgents or civilians or whoever it was that day you were ordered to contain or kill, did you stop and wonder who they were? If they had a life, too, a family? A brother?”

Flint looks away.

“Michael was the first person who really understood,” Alex continues. “He grew up in the system and he got the worse luck. He made me feel safe, for the first time since Mom left. He made me feel like I could get out of Roswell, escape Dad.”

“What happened?” Greg asks in a murmur.

“Dad found us,” Alex answers. “He didn't know what Michael was, but it didn't matter. He knew what I am. He started to choke me, and Michael tried to step in, so Dad took a hammer to Michael's hand.”

Neither of his brothers look shocked. Greg is clearly pained, and he drapes his arm around Alex's back in comfort, and Flint won't look at him, but they're not shocked. That's probably the saddest thing, that they all know exactly what Jesse Manes is capable of.

He waits until he's caught Flint's eyes again. “Michael's mother was in Caulfield,” he says. “He got to see her blow up with the building. He wanted to stay with her. He dreamed of going to college, but he stayed in Roswell because his sister needed him. He used to play the guitar while I sang, before Dad ruined his hand. That's the threat you're trying to eliminate, Flint.”

Flint swallows. “Did Dad really kill Jim?”

“I have the video on a secure network,” Alex nods. “We'd have to go to my place to show you, but yes. He did. I'm sorry,” he adds after a moment.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I'm sorry that Dad isn't the man you wish he was. I wished for something else for a long time, too.”

Flint stands up suddenly, and starts pacing. “I've read the reports,” he says. “The aliens attacked people when they arrived. And there's been thirteen murders in the last ten years done by aliens.”

Greg looks at Alex. “Is that true?”

“Yes,” Alex sighs. “They're people. No worse than us, but also no better. We found the murderer. He's dead now.”

“We're talking about a serial killer, Alex!” Flint loses his cool. “What if they're all like that?”

“What if they aren't?” Alex yells back. He regrets it as the sound rings painfully inside his head. “Tell me how many times you've heard that same question asked about Native men, Flint.”

Flint opens his mouth, and closes it again. He paces the length of the room faster, giving the edge of the mattress a kick when he passes by.

Greg clears his throat. “Can we go back to the bomb? What the fuck is it?”

“It's not really a bomb,” Flint says. “It's a chemical agent, designed to eliminate people who have specific DNA strands.”

Alex can almost see the cogs turn in Greg's head. “How do you plan on dispersing it?”

“My team designed an atomizer,” Flint explains. He looks hesitant, like he knows he shouldn't be talking about that but he can't quite remember why. They've got through to him at least a little, Alex realizes. “I just need someone to build it.”

“Michael,” Alex explains for Greg's benefit. “He's a mechanic. And a genius.”

“So it's not a sanctioned mission,” Greg raises his eyebrows. “You and Dad have been working on this for...how long? Years? A Manes family mission to commit genocide?”

“We're doing what needs to be done,” Flint stops pacing and stands at attention.

“By fucking kidnapping Alex? Flint, did you stop even once to think about what you're doing?”

“They got into Alex's head. I'm doing this for his own good.”

Alex lets himself fall back until he's lying down on the mattress, prompting his brothers to look at him. His headache is getting worse, not better. “His words, in your mouth,” he tells Flint. “I expected that from Clay. Not from you. Have you forgotten everything, Flint? All of Granddad and Granny's history lessons?”

Flint looks away. Greg seems to seize the opportunity, and he stands up and grabs Flint's arm. “Let Alex go, Flint.”

“I can't.”

“Do you remember the last time we were all at the house together?” Greg lowers his voice, almost as if he doesn't want Alex to hear, but the room is small. “We promised we'd look out for him,” he nods toward Alex. “That we wouldn't let Dad get to him again.”

“He shouldn't have come back to Roswell,” Flint sets his chin stubbornly.

“Maybe not. But he's still our brother. We need to stop failing him.”

For the first time, Flint truly looks torn. “I'm trying to protect him from the aliens,” he says slowly.

“I think you and I both knows that's not who we need to protect him from,” Greg says.

Alex resists the urge to retort that he can protect himself−his current situation would tend to disagree, although he swears he'll free himself the minute his head stops swimming−and finds himself feeling oddly touched.

Flint looks down at his shoes.

“Let him go, Flint.”

“Fine,” Flint finally relents. He grabs a key from his pocket and tosses it to Alex, who scrambles to open the cuff around his wrist.

He eyes the gun in Greg waistband again, trying to figure out if it's worth making a go at it, but he decides to trust Greg. It's not like he can stand up, anyway.

“What now?” he asks.

“We should really get you to a hospital,” Greg says.

“No. I need to see that Michael's okay. And I need to stop their plan,” he waves at Flint, including Helena and his father as well. He gives Flint a defiant look. “I can't let you harm them.”

“I know,” Flint sighs. “Helena's gone to bring Guerin here.”

“Will you stand down?” Alex asks him. “Let me do what I have to do?”

“I won't try to harm you,” Flint holds his empty hands up in a surrendering gesture. “Or your family,” he adds reluctantly.

“Good.” Alex turns to Greg and holds a hand up to be helped into a standing position. “You have a phone? I'm going to need it.”

“Who put you in charge?” Greg asks, amused. “You have a concussion, Alex, you need medical care.”

“I know. I'm doing to call my doctor,” Alex answers. “After I call Michael, anyway. Anyone know where my leg is? We have a lot of work to do.”

#roswell new mexico #alex manes #alexweek2020 #gregory manes #flint manes #roswell nm #mine #echo's fanfiction #manes brothers #eveningspirit

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modernidolater · 4 years ago

Text

TW: Violence, dark humor, all that jazz. Go no further, angry shit, yadda.

So, yanno...i'm just gonna yell into the void about something.

When i was very young, I read a lot of encyclopedias. Most of my knowledge of the world was attributable to the Encyclopedia Britannica, which my mother kept because well, a home should have a nice, impressive looking set of books. Along with a bunch of other old books that just...really weren't the best choice for a regressive anti-technology apocalyptic fundamentalist cult, but then, as we used to joke, my mother doesn't have to make sense, she just has to make decisions.

So, I eventually started plumbing the depths to try and figure out "what the hell is wrong with my family."

While i didn't get an answer about my family in general, I did note that i seemed to be oddly suited to the definition of "psychopath," minus the whole "being a problem for society at large" thing. Asocial, low empathy, lack of guilt, inability to plan cohesively, difficulty conceptualizing consequences, near total lack of emotions except curiosity and rage, both of which are carefully stifled, aggressive tendencies...frankly, I look at my younger siblings and i can definitely assure anyone that asks that had I not been raised quite far away from society, or if I'd stayed in the cult, I would most definitely have been a problem for society.

But psychopaths are *monsters,* you see. They're so, so bad, you see. Everyone assured me, at great length, that I couldn't be that, no, no sirree. I was too nice. Too kind. I didn't punch people nearly often enough (largely because I don't like being punched outside of sex, and I like to be in charge of where I'm being punched, and even that mostly cause I'm kinda badly out together physically, but that's aside the point.)

I wasn't *hate-able.* My empathy was too high.

On that last note, I have spoken elsewhere and i believe here regarding my empathy. My empathy is specifically a learned skill picked up by reading Edgar Allen Poe's Auguste Dupin stories. Dupin explains his near preternatural ability to get inside people's heads by his learned skill of micro-mimicking body and facial language and then analyzing what he feels when he copies someone else. Works absolute wonders, particularly as up to that point (i was 8-9), I was using the classical technique of provoking and hurting people around me to experimentally figure out how other people worked. Admittedly, it's somewhat like recording a speech and listening to it at the lwvel of a whisper in a crowded room, but then mimicry is far less likely to get you punched, and see previous for my feelings on getting punched.

But now i had, for all intent, a system to demonstrate empathy. Thanks to my mother's abuse, I had a complete paranoid delusion aping guilt. I could check plans past others, and once I got my hands on Google at 14, I had the capacity to directly look up what the general, societal consequences of most actions were and model behaviors that achieved my ends. I further had 18 years of direct training in mind control and manipulation, thanks to my cult.

You may notice that what you just read sounds like the origin story of a serial killer. Ape people around them to avoid detection, paranoia making them scrupulous enough to not get caught, and careful study of laws to find the lines, plus a hyper manipulative persona.

Roll with me here. This continues forward.

So, i'm out and about, 2, 5, 6 years free of my cult. I have married a self avowed psychopath who actually HAS been diagnosed with antisocial disorder thanks to a teenage habit of theft and punching people. He is fairly sure I am not one, since I perform guilt and empathy fantastically, by rote at this point. I literally have days that my face hurts from faking emotions for too long, i am slowly developing agoraphobia because there are far too many people to mimic in a retail job, and my guilt subroutine is just a voice chanting in my head, "they're coming to get you, don't fuck up" 24/7 to the point that i am developing hallucinations, but yeah. It's definitely not psychopathy. At this point, that's just ASPD, and i'm just too darn social. Never that. I'm no monster, you see. I'm "nice."

About this point, I have learned to use mind control techniques to help people, carefully applying them with direct permission to help people open up and discuss problems. My near preternatural ability to get into people's heads, my ability to find information, and my absolute lack of fucks about morals (thus making me wildly nonjudgemental), makes me the go-to confidant for many of my friends. This neatly surrounds me with people that can smooth my life out, but you can't tell people you're friends with them cause the world is made of grey paste and you're deathly bored 24/7 and being allowed to pick through people's minds and help them optimize is the closest you get to not wanting to shoot yourself or others. Or that you carefully maintain contact with people so you can check and make sure you're not doing anything jail worthy. Or that a large group to mimic lets you blend in easier, and finding one that also is transgressive, but socially permissable (thanks, kink) blows off some steam.

Of course, people that don't know me find me deeply off-putting, as I am at this point rapidly learning to turn off the mimicry when not immediately interacting with people. This results in me appearing utterly emotionless, but as soon as people talk to me, bing, back on. I had also joined the kink subculture, giving my hedonistic and transgressive sides an outlet.

I'd also gone to the trouble of getting a multifaceted degree. Ostensibly, my degree is "multimedia journalism." If you aren't aware, this means I have a degree in research, interpersonal communication, public speaking, written communication, mass communication, some psychology, critical thinking, media creation and analysis. In short, I have the literal perfect degree for figuring out, communicating with, and functionally understanding people, as well as a vastly enhanced ability to locate obscure information.

Fast forward again. Three mental breakdowns, four years of therapy, poking at my gender, figuring out a lot of mental health problems, and a rotating series of diagnoses, life is...slowly improving. I've left a toxic marriage (toxic on both sides), moved to a completely new place, started over. I have sort of resigned myself to focusing on my (admittedly annoyingly complex and wide ranging) physical disabilities.

And it comes up, in talking to my partner, that his adoptive mother displayed (she's dead) quite a few signs of ASPD. And he asks curiously if there's any connection between ADHD, autism, and ASPD, mainly cause the "personality disorder" part. PD's can, with long or early exposure, sometimes be passed on, you see.

Guess what's being studied, right now? Not a connection between ASPD and ADHD. A connection between psychopathy and ADHD. Wait, but I thought psychopathy wasn't a thing, says I? I thought there was only ASPD, now?

Ah, but for you see, the DSM is a load of horseshit. And i have heard that from multiple communities with different relations to it, and from multiple therapists, psychiatrists, professors...as a general rule, when the people who use it, the people it's used on, and the people who teach it all agree that a document is manure, I get a touch distrustful. I get more so when current studies use umbrella terms disavowed by a document known for being reductivist and that has been noted as having a great number of entries that were manipulated deliberately to make them as narrow and unusable as possible.

So anyway.

Turns out that while no, ADHD and Autism don't make you a psychopath, there's a distinct overlap. Empathy issues are a possiblity in all three, though both ADHD and autism can create *hyper*empathy. Inability to navigate social constructs is another point of overlap.

But really, it's the serotonin deficiency that hurls it across the line for me. And the genetic factors. Can psychopathy result from environment? Yeah, seems so. But there does seem to be a genetic and neurochemical component. Which is...curious for a disorder presented as purely a traumatic abreaction that creates dangerous amorals.

I then looked it up. And wouldn't you know, psychopathy is only pathologized as ASPD/APD, and DPD? The former is the sort of psychopathy that is characterized by violent amd criminal antisocial behavior, and the other an inability to understand and perform social mores at all. But this is the DSM, so these are of course diagnosed by problems caused for others as a first line.

Violation of societal norms, lack of emotions other than rage, aggression...it's almost like the same people that named a serotonin and function deficiency Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to enshrine the disorder only by those aspects that make neurotypical people uncomfortable rather than seeking to help the neurodivergent person, the same people that invented torturous behavioral correction therapies to "fix" the neurodivergent person? Those strike me as people that might possibly have looked a serotonin deficiency that causes rage, limited emotions, impulsivity, difficulty conceptualizing consequence, and potentially a hell of a lot of other fun side shit and decided to call that "Doesn't get along with others well" disorder.

What really kicks it in the teeth for me, however, is that psychopathy used to mean more than "a social pariah." You see, Theodore Millon, the guy that wrote the book on personality disorders, noted between 5 and 10 subtypes. Do you know what they are?

Nomadic

(including schizoid and avoidant features)

Drifters; roamers, vagrants; adventurer, itinerant vagabonds, tramps, wanderers; they typically adapt easily in difficult situations, shrewd and impulsive. Mood centers in doom and invincibility

Malevolent

(including sadistic and paranoid features)

Belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, sadistic, malignant, brutal, resentful; anticipates betrayal and punishment; desires revenge; truculent, callous, fearless; guiltless; many dangerous criminals, including serial killers.

Covetous

(including negativistic features) Rapacious, begrudging, discontentedly yearning; hostile and domineering; envious, avaricious; pleasures more in taking than in having.

Risk-taking

(including histrionic features) Dauntless, venturesome, intrepid, bold, audacious, daring; reckless, foolhardy, heedless; unfazed by hazard; pursues perilous ventures.

Reputation-defending

(including narcissistic features) Needs to be thought of as infallible, unbreakable, indomitable, formidable, inviolable; intransigent when status is questioned; overreactive to slights.

(It should be noted: the features listed above are simply what each presentation is most likely to display if disordered. A reputation-defender may not display narcissm, a risk taker may not be histrionic. A malevolent [what a terribly judgy name...] could be negativistic, or avoidant, or histrionic. And so on.)

Now, ya may be going, "wait, hold up, narcissism is on there! We still have that! Schizoid is on there, we have that! Sadism, paranoia, we got all those things!"

Flash quiz: do you know what a personality disorder is? It's a series of learned behaviors that require moderation and unlearning.

Why yes, they did spin multiple neurotypes off into diagnoses that require behavioral therapy to "fix." Why on earth would you think they wouldn't? They're still trying to use reparative therapy on auties. Hell, near as I can figure, histrionic got spun into Borderline Personality disorder. You know what the therapy for that is? DBT, aka, "it IS your fault and you SHOULD feel bad."

Beyond knowing there used to be different flavors, did you know that there is about a millionty scare articles about how psychopaths are everywhere? Guess why.

What do you get when someone has an absolute need to see what's on the other side of the hill and no real fucks to give about how you get there? You get scientists, explorers, people utterly driven to find out. Think about how many of our science and exploration heros are noted as deeply weird and off-kilter. We have whole stereotypes about this. There are books and articles devoted to the transgressive personas and behaviors of famous scientists and explorers.

What do you get when someone is belligerent, paranoid, truculent, violent, fearless? Snipers. Literally. The army has openly stated they like psychopaths quite a lot. Someone that can look at a map of human lives and commit calculus with the phrase "acceptable losses" makes a damn fine general, wouldn't you say? Hunters, too. Make a good king? Or bounty hunter. Or, if we're going to be honest, a martial artist. Hell, think of all the ways our society accepts violence in real terms and symbolically. Management. Video gamer. Espionage. Actuary. Pest control. There are THOUSANDS of of societal uses for people like this.

Covetous? Well, banks are openly quite loving towards psychopaths. CEOs are indicated here. Businessmen. Fandoms with collection as a function have any number of anecdotes of individuals who have an intense drive to get more. "Focused on the chase, rather than the victory, to the exclusion of all else" is considered a positive, laudable personality trait. To put it in other terms, "can't stop, won't stop, never done." Sports players, yes? Football, rugby, hockey...

Risk takers are the real standouts, in terms of societal love. Doctors. Firemen. EMT's. Skydivers. Extreme sports players. Equipment testers. The list goes on. Society loves risk taking psychopaths. Hell, look at the diagnostic criterion up there: it's mostly traits with high positive connotations.

Reputation defending? Politics. Law. Advertising. Acting. Writing. Religion. Leadership of any kind.

I'm not talking out my ass here. All those fields have been noted as friendly towards, attractive to, and having a high representation of people who fit the behavioral model of psychopath.

But only if they're useful. Like literally every other non-normative neurotype.

Society loves ADHD and autistic people when they're displaying savant abilities or when they can mask well enough to use their sensory and cognitive differences to societal ends.

And if they're a problem for people around them, that's treated. The underlying difficulties? The societal structures that punish and harm them? The pain of adapting their entire neurobiome to do all the work of interfacing with different neurotypes while being driven to harness anything useful and discard the rest of their brain? No, we don't treat that. That's just the price of doing business. "Pull yourself up and don't be a problem."

And here's the problem, in plain terms: psychopaths who learn to cope, to mask, to adapt like I did are never diagnosed. I have spent most of my life fairly concerned about the fact that I seem not to have emotions or compunction, that i am always consciously working to figure out and connect to people around me on the most basic level, that I am constantly working to keep an active model of social norms going at all times. And I don't mean "shake hands, eye contact." I mean I have the same mental conversation regarding "don't shoot that person" and "use a turn signal." All prosocial behaviors, all social behaviors period, are a struggle to understand.

The funny thing is, it also makes antisocial behaviors difficult. Shooting someone seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Regardless of whether I care about getting caught or not, shooting somone will interrupt my day.

Not shooting them also seems remarkably inconvenient in many cases. Yes, it'd be a pain in the ass to shoot them, but then again, if I do it correctly, I only have to do it once.

But again, "correctly" is a wildly unfixed variable, and the whole question won't come up if I always ensure I fail the "do i currently have a firearm" step. And I don't. Ever.

That's how my brain works. Y'all go on about moral and ethical and legal reasons. That's an exhausting conscious mental conversation to have every other day, so my shortcut is:

"Should I shoot them? Oh, right, I don't have a gun. Guess not. Should I get one? No, cause I might shoot someone, and that'd be a pain in the ass. Welp, no shooting people."

And so it goes. I don't understand any social norms. Good or bad. I have all the problematic issues still, mind you. Environmental factors. I mimic and I was raised in an apocalypse cult in Oklahoma. I spend a lot of brain space sorting between prosocial behaviors and the violent antisocial behaviors I was taught were prosocial.

Because, you see, I can't really understand the prosocial behaviors, but I can see they work. And antisocial behaviors don't, really. Have i impulsively pocketed something? Couple times. Even got away with. Can't steal a house, though. And theft gets boring, for me.

Ok, except piracy. I may quite enjoy piracy.

Cooperation with a larger whole can and does yield benefits. Forcing myself to sit through mind numbing gratification delays does seem to yield results that are beneficial, though I really try to keep that one to a minimum. I refuse to be bored if I can help it. Making nice talky sounds gets me shit faster than making angry talky sounds.

Possibly this is a result if being raised manipulative. No idea. Kinda don't care.

Point is, I'm one of the psychopaths that, while not immediately useful, is also not actively a problem. So no-one will listen when i talk about everything being gray and cold and exhaustingly complicated because people make no sense and almost all my emotions are dialed so far down it's a joke i lack the ability to laugh about.

No one has believed me that the one emotion I have in spades is rage and that i have to literally consciously work out from first principles why violence is a bad option as my sole method of controlling that, my ONLY EMOTION OF ANY STRENGTH, which I cannot allow myself to feel for any length of time because I start losing sight of that consequence model and I worry i'll make a mistake I can't unmake. Or that it took me two decades to learn not to smash things I need when someone looks at me funny. Or just smash them.

Or that i have to keep my hands in my pockets and chant "don't steal" in my head some days. That I wear tight clothing with shallow pockets to make stealing harder so that, like guns, I simply can't do it easily and therefore short circuit my behaviors.

People are more than happy to hurl me at any problem that requires a lack of emotion, but if I dare to be less than appropriately emotional on a date? At a wedding? Funeral? If I make an error and don't diagnose it myself and perform contrition appropriately, regardless of if I knew there was a social or personal rule there? Well, I'm fired/broken up with/punished/evicted.

But I am not actively a problem for society. So none of those things are worth diagnosing. Or helping in any way.

And those that are useful? Are often fed utter horseshit and encouraged to break society. Bankers creating recessions. Generals commanding useless wars. Cops. Doctors that uphold a broken system. Politicians that pursue a broken society.

I know, I can see, that ASPD people catch a shit ton of shit cause they get blamed for "useful" psychopaths mistakes, and none of the benefits when said same psychopaths are lionized. Looking back at what it was, and what it is now, pathologically speaking, it makes perfect fucking sense for the asshats that designed a diagnosis to only include the people they don't like as the "sick" ones, and label the "good" ones as "heroes." Makes a nice distinction there between people we want to demonize and people we want to lionize for having the exact same chemical imbalance, and neatly creates a fall group when any of the "heroes" trip up. Silence those who can't cope, elevate those that can, treat neither effectively, and if an elevated one stops coping, we can just "realize" they were "sick" all along, and oh, yeah, those sick people are so bad, you guys, nothing like those heroes at allllllll.

I am...so tired of this society bullshit.

So anyway, I'm a psychopath. Paranoid, some schizoid. So whatever grains of salt you feel like taking, grab 'em, I guess. I'd mostly like for people like me to stop being weaponized, lionized, or punished for having a different neurotype. I'd like to be able to talk to a doctor about that and for there to be some options beyond "stop that," "get locked up," "have you considered the army" (yes, a doctor actually asked me that as a teenager) or "you seem fine, tho."

And if you resonate with this, well...I'm 32, never been arrested, mostly managed to avoid terrible shit, and I've got a life, couple partners, and I'm surviving, so like. You can do this. Lotta people wanna tell you you can't have this or that cause "you're not bad, tho." They're stupid. Y'ain't evil, just different. Don't let them get to you.

And (this is a joke) if you decide to shoot someone, do it once, correctly. Saves time.

#actuallymentallyill #vent #tw violence

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