#juries i just want to talk
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The eurovision results have upset me and I'll be honest it didn't even surprise me but I've never hated sweden winning before. If they do the show in Stockholm next year maybe I should just go on a weekend trip to finland instead. The outtakes here in sweden were so clearly rigged to make loreen represent us in eurovision and now she won with the most boring song in a long time. I can't even be happy about the abba 50 year anniversary next year i wish finland had won and not mentioned abba a single time when hosting.
Anyway I'll be turning off the radio anytime they play loreen and listen to käärijä instead 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 amazing to see the good taste of the public with second highest score ever now abolish the juries pls
#eurovision#it was full of great entries this year why vote for the blandest ones#juries i just want to talk
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i watched American Psycho again last night with my partner and (because we often discuss the movie after we’ve watched it, at my behest) I said that I think the incel interpretation of the movie is so interesting because Bateman is a sympathetic character but he’s also evil, and it’s the type of movie where you’re kind of left in an ‘am I a bad person for feeling a bit bad for this guy’ situation at the end. You can relate to him while acknowledging that he makes the wrong choices and is deeply affected by a poor environment and mental breakdowns, and that you can learn to see where you, as the viewer (if you do relate to him), should take The Right Path instead of doing what Bateman does.
And they asked me to explain my point a bit more so I did, and they paused for a moment and said “I think you start your media analysis at the level that most people only reach after years of study” and I laughed bc I actually don’t think that’s true?? I think a lot self-titled ‘cinephile’ people and even general audiences just don’t want to analyse their fav blorbo/media because they don’t want to feel uncomfortable when they engage with something bc they might have to make changes to themselves and have to admit that what they’re idolising/fixating on is actually not Good For Them
#also i go to a movie club and no one ever wants to talk to me after a movie bc i want to analyse it (which surely you do at a cinema club?)#and they don’t like it when i say shit like this#and it annoys me bc i thought we were all here to do exactly that!#so the jury is out on whether or not I just have dogshit takes or whether people are mean to me#chat am i wrong i’m so confused
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wait wtf who broke Tucker
#bb26#bb26 tucker#no bc why is he talking about not being able to stay until jury#and wanting to book it as soon as he’s a final nom like-#everyon overdosed on the haterade it seems#I know he’s just venting and he’ll be back to normal soon but still
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Must know your Furina thoughts cause I’m forever a Furina defender. I see her as different from Focalor and like… I get why Focalor did what she did but god I’m so… I don’t like her
I have more thoughts but I’d like to know yours and then I’ll explode
Heyy hiya hi hey! Sorry for getting back to this a bit late, I have been in a hole. You know how shrimps are
But the short answer is, regretfully, MHY's writing made me really viscerally dislike her, at first. There was definitely resistance in my heart and that was frustrating in itself, because I do not hate Her exactly and I see why a lot of people liked her a lot (my friends liked her too. I was pretty solitary in my extreme disdain of her). I just hated the story that MHY is trying to tell with her, I hated what she represents (to me, at least), and I hate that I'm seeing people being a lot more forgiving with her (compared to Ei) because she's shown to be more emotionally vulnerable, which makes her more relatable (this isn't so much as like, a 'her fans are bad!' take from me, just to clarify. More so, it is an observation about how MHY is able to very easily use their storytelling to sway the audience and keep their attention on certain narratives, and I don't like the effect of their writing decisions).
Disclaimer, though, I hate, hate Marie Antoinette and that "sad, helpless, rich (white) woman" archetype, so when Furina/Focalors clearly has some inspiration (and when I see the audience immediately make some of that connection), it was immediately rigged against her in my head, lol. She had no chance.
In retrospect, though, the Marie Antoinette reference isn't that strong, but I don't know if that's because MHY really chickened out of the French Revolution inspiration, or because they just vaguely wanted the vibes of it without ever intending on committing to it, and I end up looking silly because I'm making connections where there are none. MHY writing is notorious for making people do that because it expects you to extrapolate from minimal and vague writing at times.
Anyway, then I started writing her. I wrote her into the family dynamic of the WRLT family, streamer modern/future AU thing I've got going on, and even for my canon rewrite/reinterpretation/filled-in-the-shit-I-didn't-like-and-made-it-work-for-me fic where she shows up very briefly at times, I couldn't exactly make her completely villainous either. That role I reserve solely for Focalors (who, arguably, isn't portrayed as a villain in canon, either. I just hated her more, and she's specifically written as a scapegoat for Furina Criticisms by MHY, anyway, so she's literally used, narratively, as an excuse for Furina's action as the ruler of Fontaine, so. It's functionally the same shit as Ei being like "erm that was the robot, not me..." just much, much better executed).
And she's really grown on me! Like, if I'm not so hung up on her whole "I may be the ruler of a police state, but I have feelings, too" thing, I think her personal story of having to perform a role, and having to meet an expectation that just gets further and further out of reach, and how she was shown to quite literally fall apart under that pressure was (through gritted teeth) well done. I Guess. I liked the way they unravelled her on a literal stage at the end of the MSQ. If anything, I will give it to MHY for their understanding of effective visual storytelling.
In her defence, Neuvillette also had the whole "I may be the ruler of a police state, but I have feelings, too" thing going for him. In many ways, you can argue that he's Worse because he's the actual, functional facet of Fontaine's Justice System, while she was treated more as the theatrical side. But, I will Say, MHY tried to sneak it in there that she also does work behind the scenes to help vulnerable people, and they also tried to say that she takes her job very seriously behind the scenes as well. She just acts like she's all fun. But, once again, because of their writing, I think it's horribly executed. Because aside from those Few Specific Moments where they showed her doing these things, no actual impact of her leadership was ever shown within Fontaine aside from the way she represents the Theatre-Court thing, BUT EVEN THAT MEANS NOTHING ANYWAY.
(So once again, in the same way as my Neuvillette ramble, you have MHY being like "is she actually helpless? Is she not? Can she actually make changes, can she not???" and they end up playing Accountability Hot Potato between her and Neuvillette where they're like, No, Actually. You're the one In Power! No You! No You! I'm a clueless Sovereign, I don't know humans, you're the Archon! But you are the one people actually take seriously as the Iudex, you're the one with actual political influence, and I'm not the real Archon anyway! Then Focalors is like, Wah, Celestia! That's the actual party you should blame! I'm actually the martyr here! Feel bad for me! And if Celestia pops up with playable characters you know they're gonna be like erm, actually, we also have clones who's been acting as us who's the actual evil ones, but it's not us I prommie.)
Like how the fuck have they not figured out about the Primordial Waters shit, like, a hundred years ago. You're telling me they are so damn good at their jobs, but it took them this long? To realise??? The Primordial Waters can be a big ass problem in the future that they should have prepared for in the past? It's almost like a nod to how IRL governments will ignore global warming and line their pockets allowing big corpo to continue wrecking the environment at the cost of the common people— oh wait, MHY vaguely suggested that too in the world lore about pollution caused by Fontaine's rapidly growing technological landscape, but they didn't do anything with it, because the Government that would get narratively criticised in Fontaine is Entirely Made Up of the Two Characters Products they're trying to Sell?
Oh, you're telling me the way Oratrice Mechanique D'Analyse is feeding off the people's belief in Justice while it literally hoards all the energy of the nation in order to fulfil Focalor's plan can almost be seen as commentary on how Media like True Crime commodifies Justice while platforms like TikTok literally profit off your engagement— oh wait it falls apart the moment you try to say that Focalors did this out of necessity in order to give Neuvillette back his sovereignty because those vaguely evil, undefined Ceslestia people?
And I'm sure someone could pop up and say like That's The Point! They're trying to show that someone is always above someone else, pulling the strings, and that Everyone has to do a little evil sometimes! As if that's not the easiest excuse for MHY to wave off writing accountability into their character stories.
But you know what poisons all of their writing to me? Knowing that they make products first, stories after. Every writing decisions they make, I am sitting there like, "This is designed for an audience, this is specifically made this way to sell to the most people possible." I can't look at Furina and think "they're trying to make a sympathetic and relatable character" because I Know there is a board of Rich Guys somewhere who sits there and say "but she has to be redeemable, she has to be relatable, and she has to be just a little bit of everything to be palatable to the widest swath of people."
Like, all the "flaws" of Genshin's writing are barely "flaws" at this point, in terms of intention. There's no one sitting there being like "this is what we wanted to achieve, but we went about it wrong", it's more like "this is good enough to make us money. Some people might complain or look into it deeper, but most are still gonna buy and keep using our product." And they're right. Fuck, I might come back for Natlan just to see what the fuck they'd do. And I hate it lol
#like its not Flaws when they clearly never intend on fixing any of it#and like there was that youtuber i watched who talked about the like. problems with hate-watching or engaging with media just to shit on it#and how that still gives it revenue. i think it was shanspeare#and it made me reconsider a lot of my engagement with genshin. of course the Situation i am in is a bit more complicated.#taking into account of autism and hyperfixation and how that isn't. exactly fully in my control. and how also like. at the core of it#I don't really hate genshin. well I Do. But i don't. it's complicated. for starters I Enjoy Writing up these. rants. I sound pissed and#I sorta am. but also. this does give me something. Whether or not it's healthy for Me or beneficial to Others is something I am still#feeling out. I do want to be more authentic this year (LOL) and this is one way of going about it. but it sure is a wack ass way.#jurys still out or whatever.#krill#ask
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honestly if i had a bigger brain, i would write an entire android shouto fic
#I JUST HAVE SO MANY SCENES IN MY HEAD#you fix his faceplate but cant get him a better eye so he just as this neon blue light#he's always saying things like 'my mother used to read to me when i was young'#and you're always like 'you don't have a mother. you were never young.'#bc you've spent your whole life afraid of machines and how overlord-esque corporations have used them to implement their beliefs#they've taken away so many jobs they are unfeeling they are ruthless they are judge jury and executioner#they're given more power for the sake of being morally grey but they're really just EMOTIONLESS BEINGS THAT SHOULDN’T MAKE CERTAIN DECISION#and then you find him 🥺#and at first you want to sell him and make a quick buck but his face is all fucked up and then he starts TALKING#telling you he can feel pain and sadness and love#and you're like !!!!! no you cant !!!!!!!!!#and then someone tries to bother you in some bar and shouto smashes his face in — literally smashes HIS FACE IN —#and then someone tries to stab you and he moves in the way and takes it and HE BLEEDS AND HE CRIES AJFHSIAKALAL#AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK !!!!!!!#WAAAAHHHHH#but it would be so in depth i couldn’t do it justice honestly akfbsjakqk#GOD i wrote too much in these tags#✿ willow writes#✿ shut up willow#✿ thoughts: shouto#✿ theme: android shouto
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This discourse going on (specifically on Twitter) about America and Cameron really makes me uncomfortable. Like regardless how you feel about her, to say that her “flirting” (which honestly is how she acts with everyone in the house) warrants the comments he makes is really gross and misogynistic. Like you don’t see Jag or Matt making comments like that and she acts the same way towards them. Imo there’s a clear difference between how she’s like with Cory versus Cam. Like her body language seems uncomfortable with Cam and she tries to switch the topic whenever Cam tries to bring up something weird. Idk it makes me really uncomfortable how people are trying to say she’s “asking for it”
Anyway I hope Cam loses the comp on Thursday 😁
#“I need to clean myself up 🤮#like I hate Jared too and how he’s ruining Cirie’s game but I just don’t want cam in jury#the way he talks to and about Cory is also really patronizing and gross#I just needed to rant bc I just really hate it#bb25
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ok i get why anthy has creature of delirium now
#rgu ramblings abound:#i just assumed she had many-faced as in. socially. shifting to be whatever the current Engaged wants#but no yeah ep 23. she does do that.#what in the (end of the) world were those hands during ep 22 though#like yeah yeah time is fucked so the hourglass is blue for illusion#tokiko's lipstick on the teacup was orange so like... juri-color. hopeless relationships? i cant pin it down in words but yknow what i mean#but what was the black cats teacup butterfly guys holding hands etc about? might be missing cultural context. ill read some analyses later#god mikage is such a good character though. WILL miss him going ''fukaku motto fukaku''.#i know akio is the patriarchy but like. is he... a reverse bodhisattva or something????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#keeping people in the schoolgrounds-of-not-letting-go-of-the-past??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#..himemiya under orders from himemiyas brother pretended to be mamiya trying to get people to kill himemiya so mamiya could become himemiya#not quite ''vergil teamed up with vergils brother and vergils son to kill vergil so vergil could become vergil'' but close enough#saionji is the only one sweating during the intro. wonder what that means#i saw an utena out-of-context compilation before watching the show and like#nanami lesbian moment which i have no context for had birds. juri shiori episode had a birds. is birds lesbians???????#the cmwge seed program is EXTREMELY utena student council huh.#...i watched a few more episodes before posting#i had written a whole thing about how i didnt get why anthy was on CoD because they pull the sword out of *her*#and had an epiphany about how she like. used the black rose duelists as vessels and extracted the student council's swords#but nope! she's straight up pulling the sword out of utena now#the subtitles called the elevator a ''gondola'' and... I Don't Think That's What That Is. Like. At All#also god is akio creepy. viscerally uncomfortable man. i wish to Punt him#is the new ed song about jesus??? a full analysis wouldnt fit here but yknow. dante's paradiso mentioned. also nge is full of jesus so#also! empty motion??? after the primum mobile thing??? that seems important!!! is it referring to the eternal thing? i guess?#from that ooc compilation- touga repeated akio's throbbing engine thing p much verbatim to saionji. something something cycles of abuse#(it WAS an EXTREMELY funny scene though)#huh. not a single man in this show is normal about women. is that a themes thing or#oh wait no. yamada tanaka and suzuki. love those guys. i def didnt have to look up their names what are you talking about#also mamiya i guess but he doesn't count he's dead#was really expecting utena to turn into a car during the saionji duel. like. the whole arena's cars. i know she does it but if not now when
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I wish being weird and batshit insane was socially acceptable, conforming to societal norms is killing me.
#finding new friends is hard because they wanna talk about their life or say smth about the weather when i'm foaming at the mouth about#some gays either driving fast cars or fast bikes or in insane sitcoms the average person just doesn't know exists or like wont watch#why must we talk about the weather when i can explain to you in excruciating detail why annie from community is lesbian#“hi” and he said he cloned him with the dna of a homing pigeon so if he feels a compulsion to come back- hey where are you going man#but also talking in general is hard like no that's not the response i wanted but no now you're too enthusiastic so my mind tells me ur faki#not just this stuff but this shit id what i can say rn#anyway#my finals over time to deep clean my bedroom & find a relic from my toxic codependent homoerotic teenage friendship that blew up in my face#also languages suck i can't express myself in any languages i know i should learn german i've heard they have a lot of words#kevtalks#im very close to some sort of breakdown also the jury is still out for what kind tho and it's the fucking uni entrance's fault
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I feel like the little kitty in a "hang in there!" motivational poster, except I'm acutely aware of the passage of time from my place on the wall, but unable to do anything about the fact that I am trapped here and the office I was put up in has been long abandoned
#//juri speaks#it is 3am and all the cracks in my facade are so very visible to me#i feel like my chances to escape the poster all passed me by long ago#should've moved away for undergrad; should've moved away after graduation; should've moved away after my master's#but i *didnt* bc i always feel like i *cant* like im not good enough and will fuck up and fail and am not even allowed to anyway#and *now* i feel like i cant bc i am become irrepressible thoughts of death barbie#and am afraid if i move off on my own i will just Die and no one will notice bc#i am terrible at making friends and keeping in contact with people#i need to get out of the poster and i want to get out of the poster#but i cant get out of the poster and im scared to get out of the poster and i dont feel real enough to get out of the poster#and i dont know how to reconcile all of that and i dont have anyone i can actually talk to#bc at the end of the day the street is so so busy outside this office and i am just a forgotten motivational poster
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i think haruka and michiru should both date juri somewhere. in some random universe. and that’s the most random take i have in my head but i think it’s funny and i actually do think about it a lot i think it would be cute and silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#kibitalk#i know it’s kind of a Narrative thing that juri will never really stop loving shiori#and she can’t love anyone else or whatever#but i dont think it would matter that much to harumichi#because as individuals both of them have a lot of unconditional love to give#AND THEY CANT STOP FLIRTING WITH PEOPLE#and also i just really adore haruka and michiru#and we need more utena/sailor moon crossovers…#i want them all to be friends…#plus. juri has hobbies that line up with BOTH of their interests#this is the part of my juri fungus i giggle about to myself#kibinevershutsthefuckup#<—i kept talking too much in tags…
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about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and don’t want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because it’s a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also i’m like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely i’d trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i can’t be lying to you. i can’t remember morgan’s gf’s name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos 😭 help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldn’t and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know that’s tyson’s gf it’s like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc that’s how we’d know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (she’s a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CAN’T MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E i’m about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and it’s based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said ‘Joel’ about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on calla’s blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it must’ve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kay’s twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frosty’s gf’s fingernail marks in the back of frosty’s shoulders i am talking about / I can’t find her vsco linked anywhere#but i’m like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettype’s acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOEL’S CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULD���VE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! it’s 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
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feeling bad again today
#thinking too much. feeling awful. and i have jury duty again tomorrow#and now we've decided to wait until the place we want has an open unit. mid nov. this is gonna suck#i just really hope we get accepted im so scared we're not going to and we're gonna end up back in [redacted] and i really dont#wanna be back there. i cant go back.#going to dinner and trying to look hot at least. dont think its working.#talk tag
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police have blockaded the road again
#I think so they can bring the jury to visit the scene#really don’t have the mental ability to talk to police this early in the morning#I just want to leave the house#.txt
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I started with posting about my autistic experience on twitter, reading posts on there, and interacting with people there.
then twitter got unbearable, so I moved back here and made a new account and side blogs to mirror twitter and lurk in the tags.
i've noticed a difference between autism twitter and autism tumblr from the big algorithm-controlled posts I usually see:
autism twitter makes me feel like i'm not allowed to say autism disables me or causes problems in life
while autism tumblr makes me feel like i'm not allowed to feel positively about being autistic and can only see it as a struggling disability.
the contrast makes me dizzy 😵💫 it's like no one wants to see the perspective of other people when we are all different. each side wants their narrative to be the told one.
#autistic#actually autistic#autism#a little criticism for both. can we not do this 😭#twitter is always “dont use your autism as a disability/excuse for why you cant do a thing! it'll mean i wont be able to do the thing#anymore if they know i'm autistic!“ like when i asked if i can be exempt from jury duty because TALKING HARD. due to autistic#but on tumblr it's always “dont call autism a difference in brain. it's a disability and that's all it is because it ruins my life and is#so hard for me! stop trying to make it look like a positive thing!“#and like....both????? its both?! because it depends on the person and how they see it themself and how affects THEM. not you.#its both positive thing that makes me who i am and disability that makes many things difficult. it can be both 😭#let people describe whats best for them and dont speak for everyone!#linking this to twitter too because both sides gives me headaches lmao#lee rambles#i know people disabled by autism want their storoes told. i know people not as didabled by autism want their stories told#but we cant just do ONE and push only that narrarive. telling one doesnt discredit the other. both are equally important!!! learn to share!#help each other. dont disagree and post passive aggressive posts about each other on social medias. ugh.#i feel like im stuck between where i see it positivly while it disrupts parts of my life at the same time so i dont fit anywhere#people tell me “if you want friends then be friends with other autistics” but i dont even fit in with “my people” sometimes#if anyone else noticed or feels like this then *internet ghost hug* belonging ks difficult :(
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People is making me mad. Apparently a male can’t get along with a women without people jumping into conclusion they are something else or that one of them wants something more.
#I'm so pissed#People just keeps assuming that Jorge is in Love with Escanes#and he is not#he has seid it several times#and of people just listen to him he is actually uncomfortable when talking about it#and I think Jorge might be in the aromantic spectrum which even further annoys me#he talked about not wanting to loss hos freedom to anyone#and there's no one right now which he will be okay to leave the freedom and independence he currently has#and let me tell you something some aro feel like that#that being in a relationship means losing a part of your independence and it'a an equilibrium#finding someone who you are comfortable enough to lose that part to gain a significant one (not romantic)#and there's another thing Jorge can't remember shit about Laura who apparently meet at the maximum a year ago#but he remember stuff that happen nearly 2 decades ago because Pedrosa is involved#so no Jorge is not in love with Escanes he got mad and pissed he was booted from the final and did what he did to ashame the jury#Jorge is a little shit just that no hopeless romantic guy
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I just be in situations and honestly I think it’s cause I’m unemployed
#I’m the type of mf that u call at three am n I’m just like oh yeah btw im at silent hill :3#oh yeah my wife went missing months or years ago n I finally chased her down to a fuckin mansion#uh yeah I heard some kids talking about a mansion with a monster in it so me and a small group of my closest friends are gonna explore it#and get caught it a time loop- oops wrong version#you get it#haha#I want a job < guy who doesn’t want a job but desperately wants to feel normal#and have money#but mostly feel normal#and contribute to society#society…..#I had a coffee at like 4 there’s no reason for me to still be this riled up up#anyway I hear u can text juri in sf6 and she’s a cringefail meangirl and um#real#chevy and I are gonna manic pixie dream girl her
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