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holysanctum-a · 2 years ago

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ACTIVE MUSELIST.

STEPHEN KING UNIVERSE

eddie kaspbrak

beverly marsh

richie tozier

patricia uris

audra phillips

ben hanscom

stan uris

carrie white

sue snell

wendy torrance

danny torrance

AVATAR SERIES

ronal of the metkayina

neytiri of the omaticaya

tsireya of the omaticaya

WEDNESDAY 2022 / THE ADDAMS FAMILY SERIES

wednesday addams

enid sinclair

xavier thorpe

tyler galpin

bianca barclay

morticia addams

pubert addams

pugsley addams

ophelia frump

deborah jellinsky

STRANGER THINGS

steve harrington

nancy wheeler

eddie munson

robin buckley

chrissy cunningham

tammy thompson

jane ives hopper

will byers

jonathan byers

joyce byers

angela russell

alexei volkov

erica sinclair

lucas sinclair

max mayfield

dustin henderson

tina coleman

carol perkins

mike wheeler

eden bingham

suzie bingham

gareth hill

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE

house of the dragon;

rhaenyra targaryen

alicent hightower

ser harwin strong

helaena targaryen

mysaria

alys rivers

H20: ADD WATER

cleo sertori

rikki chadwick

emma gilbert

isabella hartley

MONSTER HIGH

cleo de nile

abbey abominable

spectra vondergeist

robecca steam

laura dracul

jinafire long

torelei stripes

clawdeen wolf

c.a cupid

lagoona blue

ghoulia yelps

scarah screams

rochelle goyle

katrina de-mew

viperine gorgon

venus mcflytrap

gigi grants

SCREAM

sidney prescott

tatum riley

charlie walker

kirby reed

HALLOWEEN

laurie strode

annie brackett

lynda van der klok

allyson strode

michael myers

judith myers

ANOES 2010

nancy holbrook

quentin smith

kris fowles

gwen holbrook

AMERICAN HORROR STORY

zoe benson

violet harmon

madison montgomery

misty day

brooke thompson

montana duke

UNTIL DAWN ( adapted from canon. )

emily davis

ashley brown

jessica riley

sam giddings

beth washington

THE QUARRY ( adapted from canon. )

max brinly

emma mountebank

ryan erzahler

kaitlyn ka

jacob custos

abigail blyg

nicholas furcillo

pansy parkinson

lily evans / potter

narcissa black / malfoy

hannah abbott

ginny weasley

andromeda black / tonks

nymphadora tonks

zhang qiu

daphne greengrass

astoria greengrass

luna lovegood

fleur delacour

marlene mckinnon

dorcas meadowe

mary macdonald

molly weasley

katie bell

lavender brown

tracey davis

millicent bulstrode

susan bones

cedric diggory

helena ravenclaw

angelina johnson

alicia spinnet

parvati patil

anne sallow

sebastian sallow

poppy sweeting

adelaide oakes

charlie weasley

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

spencer hastings

allison dilaurentis

aria montgomery

hanna marin

THE HUNGER GAMES

klatniss everdeen

primrose everdeen

clove heidenriek

annie cresta

johanna mason

finnick odair

peeta mellark

MARVEL

jean grey

emma frost

gwen stacy

mary jane watson

peter parker

clint barton

pepper potts

kate bishop

anna marie

harleen quinzel

selina kyle

pamela isley

rachel roth

june moone / enchantress

bruce wayne

barbara gordon

dick grayson

jason todd

harvey dent

TWILIGHT

isabella swan

jane volturi

rosalie hale

alice cullen

CORPSE BRIDE

emily petterson

victor van dort

victoria everglot

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

sally hardesty

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

dana polk

jules louden

HOCUS POCUS

sarah sanderson

winifred sanderson

mary sanderson

alison blythe

dani dennison

emily binx

FEAR STREET SERIES

sam fraser

deena johnson

simon kalivoda

sheila greene

hannah miller

sarah fier

corky corcoran

annie greene

becky hemmings

will goode

ziggy berman

cindy berman

joan kutcherson

alice gallagher

BRIDE OF CHUCKY

tiffany valentine

THE CRAFT

nancy downs

AQUAMARINE

aquamarine brown

GREASE

sandy olsen

betty rizzo

marty maraschino

frenchy conrad

THE OUTSIDERS

marcia smith

cherry valance

MYSTERY INC

daphne blake.

dorothy blake.

daisy blake.

delilah blake.

dawn blake.

velma dinkley.

sally mcknight.

dusk davenport.

luna reynolds.

HALLOWEEN TOWN

marnie piper

sophie piper

scarlet sinister

THE BLACK PHONE

vance hopper

finney blake

griffin stagg

donna

billy

THE WALKING DEAD & GAME

maggie greene

beth greene

judith grimes

sophia peletier

carl grimes

clementine

carley

RESIDENT EVIL

rebecca chambers

jill valentine

claire redfield

leon kennedy

ada wong

sherry berkins

donna beneviento

bela dimitrescu

daniela dimitrescu

cassandra dimitrescu

CHARMED

piper halliwell

phoebe halliwell

prue halliwell

paige matthews

parker halliwell

p.j halliwell

tamora mitchell

kat mitchell

chris halliwell

THE VIRGIN SUICIDES

lux lisbon

bonnie lisbon

mary lisbon

therese lisbon

cecilia lisbon

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT

jane romero

lee yunjin

feng min

kimura yui

the onryo

the ghostface

the huntress

dwight fairfield

meg thomas

nea karlsson

claudette morel

kate denson

mikaela reid

the legion: julie kostenko

the legion: susie lavoie

the legion: joey campbell

the spirit

the nurse

the plague

zarina kassir

élodie rakoto

david king

adam francis

the pig

the trapper

the hillbilly

the doctor

the wraith

felix richter

jake park

the trickster

heather mason

yoichi asakawa

lisa garland

the executioner

alessa gillespie

SILENT HILL

maria

mary sunderland

jodie mason

harry mason

VALORANT

viper

sage

jett

neon

skye

reyna

fade

killjoy

raze

STARDEW VALLEY

haley

alex

jodi

leah

sam

abigail

maru

shane

EMH

vinnie.

jeff.

jessie.

jessa.

steph.

MISC

rouge the bat — sonic universe

princess peach — mario universe

princess daisy — mario universe

princess rosalina — mario universd

barbie — barbie cinematic universe

abigail hobbs — hannibal ( soloblog @fawneyes )

veronica sawyer — heathers

lydia martin — teen wolf

allison argent — teen wolf

malia tate — teen wolf

faye chamberlain — the secret circle

martha may whovier — the grinch

rose cotter — smile 2022

jennifer check — jennifer's body ( pre-succubus. )

anita lesnicki — jennifer's body

colin gray — jennifer's body

layla williams — sky high

magenta hui — sky high

gwen grayson — sky high

penny lent — sky high

ginger fitzgerald — gingersnaps

patrick bateman — american psycho

sarah miller — tlou

dina — tlou

shauna shipman — yellowjackets

jackie taylor — yellowjackets

jade west — victorious

tori vega — victorious

cat valentine — victorious

elijah — midnight scenes : from the woods.

virginia — sons of the forrest.

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

mason wheeler — stranger things

spencer harrington — stranger things

priscilla munson — stranger things ( affiliated with @slaymetal )

kevin watson — stranger things

avonna-leigh millicent lane — stranger things ( affiliated with @hauntingh0ur )

ember riley smith

haerelian — affiliated with @seirsenes

cordelia syphe

princess saereliette of alryia — stardew valley

thorn winters — resident evil : village.

oleander sykes carson — pyreford mystery series.

marisol renatta lora — pyreford mystery series.

seraphina holly-grace saddler — pyreford mystery series.

marilyn victoire ophelia blackwell — fandomless with verses in teen wolf, stranger things and IT.

lauren richter — dead by daylight.

legion : bambi ( beatrice dane ) — dead by daylight.

milana renee van der kamp — stranger things ( affiliated with @jedova )

lorelei koen — the last of us.

isabelle walker — until dawn.

matilda greaves — emh / scream.

princess helanys — elden ring.

rosalind wilson — apocalypse based.

marina james — sons of the forrest.

6 notes · View notes

amberjazmyn · 8 months ago

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she waits

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - she waits

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - parent abandonment, mentions of emotional childhood abuse, tears, pregnancy, happy ending

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - jules (julianna) benedict (nee holowitz) grew up without a mom after being abandoned by her. she never got over it and still waited for her. and maybe that was why her husband rob benedict was so against his wife's constant want and longing for her mom. this will chronical jules' life when she's a kid, teenager and now an adult with her own family with rob and the spn family.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i love the song "she waits" by supernatural's rob benedict's band louden swain. even though i cannot personally relate to the song since i did not experience either parent abandoning me and my brother, i still love it and think it's a gorgeous song with so much emotional meaning to those who can relate to the song.

masterlist listen to "she waits" here!

- - -

have faith, promises were made. you just take care and behave, you left and now you are saved, the path it walks you away.

julianna shouldn't be upset anymore. it was no longer news that jules' mom left her and emotionally abused her when she was a much younger kid. now as a teenager, it still hurt her feelings when her mom fell through on a promise she had made to her daughter and the rest of her siblings. jules' mom was the best at giving excuses after making countless promises of coming back to her family.

"...c'mon jules, have faith. she promised us...mommy promised us that she'd be here so she has too!" julian, jules' younger brother was so hopeful and it broke jules' heart as she sighed

"i know she promised us julian but bub, she's never ever followed through on these promises," jules sighed as julian sniffled, upset that his older sister was telling the truth

of course, because julian was still young, the youngest of the holowitz siblings, he still had faith and belief in his mom. he still couldn't understand why all his older siblings were so against their mommy. he didn't know why they were always so mad at her and why they'd constantly spew their hate for the woman that gave birth to them and then just left them.

"i know...i just...i just want my momma..." julian cried softly as jules felt awful for the little boy who had no idea why their mother just up and left

"...i know bubba, i do too...i do too..."jules sighed as she picked up her brother and hugged him tightly

just like she was told to do by her dad, jules took care of herself and she behaved. her mom left and she was saved and now the path was left for her to walk it and see where it took her. of course, she'd always wait for her mom, she'd wait for her for eternity but she knew her mom would never come back especially when it was clear that her mom never loved her and the kids she gave birth to. or the man she married. it was clear she wanted a whole new life for herself so, that's what she did. and now, it was up to her now ex-husband to pick up the pieces that were broken forever.

and meanwhile the house is empty, the floors lay naked and weary. the walls, barely hanging on, carry on and she waits for you.

jules never thought she'd see this house again. today, jules was back in houston, texas due to a supernatural convention that was being held there. and because the convention centre was so close to her childhood home, she decided that after the convention, she'd take a quick little drive and check it out. see if it still looked the same or see if her dad had changed it like he had planned to do since the day his wife abandonded the family and his kids. even though she genuinely never thought she'd ever want to see the house again, her ego was forcing her to check it out. just to see if it would still have the painful connotations it did before she decided to leave houston when she was seventeen for hawaii.

so, it shouldn't have surprised her and made her heart physically hurt when she got out of her car and walked to the front door to see the house as it looked now. but it did make her heart physically hurt. the house was empty. the floors laid naked, weary and worn in from all the abuse it had been given by her and her siblings. the walls, were barely hanging on. the wallpaper clearly ripped off so aggressively that it had basically destroyed the walls as well. and even though jules shouldn't think this and hadn't thought of her in years, she still waited for her mom even though she had carried on with her life without her. she still yearned to be loved and appreciated by that woman. if anything, she just wanted to know why. why did that woman decide to marry that man, have all those kids and then just decide one day that she was just going to leave.

sniffling, jules was embarrassed as her husband rested his chin on her shoulder, "...you alright baby?" rob's soft voice whispered behind her as jules held back the sob that was waiting to be heard

"no...i just...i don't get it...i don't understand why we weren't enough for her, you know? were we not good kids? was dad not a good husband?" jules' voice shook as rob sighed, turning his wife around and hugging her properly

"i know babe. i know what it feels like...and i highly doubt it was your guys' fault. i think a hundred per cent it was her fault. you were more than enough for her, the whole family was, and she didn't know how to appreciate that. it scared her that she could have people that loved her and she ran away because she didn't how to deal with it like an adult," rob whispered as jules nodded her head and smiled at her husband

she knew the pain of her husband's own abandonment by his dad and how that affected him. which was why it was so easy for rob to comfort jules when she'd get upset about her mom's abandonment. so she was glad that when she told that side of her to rob, she felt safe knowing that he could relate to her, as depressing and so dependent it sounds, it meant that they both had something traumatic that they could relate to. it was something they could bond over because they knew what it felt like to be abandoned by a parent, by someone who was supposed to love unconditionally and love them.

"yeah...she was probably scared but, why couldn't she just be the one to break the generational trauma? why does it have to be me and my siblings?" jules now felt mad as rob sighed, biting his lip as he shook his head

"i don't know darling but, if you don't break the generational trauma right now, then who will?" rob spoke as jules nodded her head, knowing she couldn't argue with that so she didn't

"no one would. it'll continue happening each generation that's created so, the cycle ends here," jules breathed in heavily as she clenched her fists as rob smiled, feeling proud of his wife

"atta girl. let's go, we don't need to be here anymore," rob smiled as he held his hand out for his wife as the benedicts then left the house that held many a bad memory

last night you left like a bird, fly away and never be heard. the wind, it's cold and absurd but man, you gave her your word.

as jules and the rest of the horowitz family slept peacefully, there was a sudden slam of the front door. this made all the siblings jolt awake as jules clambered out of her bed, down the hall, down the stairs and to the front door whilst the rest of the brothers and sisters fell back asleep. where her father, john horowitz stood as he sobbed. wailing for his wife, hollie-anne horowitz to come back as he opened the door back up again after hollie-anne had slammed it shut. begging for her to not leave him and the family. apologising if he had done something wrong that caused her to up and leave, abandoning their children. and this worried jules. as the third oldest child but first oldest of the girls, she rushed to be with her dad. wanting to comfort him and wanting to know what had happened.

"...daddy? what are you doing? what's wrong?" an exhausted jules muttered as she cuddled up next to her dad at the front door that was opened for the dark early morning hours to see

"ahh...jules, honey! what are you doing here? you should be sleeping!" john sniffled, trying to wipe away his tears before kneeling down to his young daughter's height

"i heard the front door slam, it scared me...where's mommy? was it her that slammed the front door?" jules was scared, sure, her mom wasn't a great mom but that was still her mom and jules adored her mom when she shouldn't be

"yeah honey. it was mommy that slammed the front door..." john whimpered, not even trying to stay strong as jules' eyes started to tear up as well, her dad's big oversized shirt she was wearing as her pyjamas made her look even smaller as john looked at her

"...where did she go? is mommy going to come back?" jules whimpered as her eyes welled with tears and her bottom lip shook as john shook his head, closing his eyes

"i don't think so baby girl. she seemed pretty certain that she wasn't going to come back..." john then shivered, as did jules, the wind cold and absurd for this time of year as hollie-anne vowed to never do the very thing her own mother did to her

"...but...but she promised she wouldn't leave...she pinky promised me she wouldn't do what gma did..." jules' teary voice broke john's heart because he remembered that pinky promise that hollie-anne made with jules when she was actually somewhat of a nice mom

"...i know she did baby girl but...i'm afraid your mom is not good at keeping her pinky promises..." john trailed off as he finally picked up his eldest daughter to bring her back into the house since it was below freezing and it was getting late

but jules wriggled out of her dad's grip and she stepped out to the front porch step where she and her father were not even a minute ago. tears streaming down her small little cheeks as she just looked into the darkness of the houston chill and she waited. she waited as long as she could before john knew better to leave his daughter out of the house like this. bringing jules back inside the house was a struggle but once he picked her up and brought her inside, closing and then locking the front door, she couldn't fight anymore. she was too weak and exhausted, falling asleep out of pure exhaustion of her tears on her daddy's shoulder as he walked them upstairs and into daddy's room. john knew his daughter wouldn't be able to stomach falling back asleep in her own bed. so, he let his six-year-old daughter sleep in his bed with her for the next four months, right up until she turned seven.

and meanwhile the house is empty, the floors lay naked and weary. the walls, barely hanging on, carry on and she waits for you.

moving into a new house with her boyfriend rob should have excited jules. it was a happy occasion. jules left hawaii to move back to the "mainland" usa and live in los angeles with her boyfriend. however, walking into this new house felt eerily similar to her childhood home back in houston, texas. the one that haunted the adult in her sleep every night. the one that her father and youngest brother julian still lived in. the one that took years for her father to get rid of everything that had connotations to his ex-wife that just left that one evening with no other word of warning but a measly letter that john had later found after jules had finally cried herself to sleep that night that hollie-anne left. but that was exactly it, no matter where jules moved to, every single house she's moved into, it reminded her of her mother. especially when it was a house that was empty, the floors naked with no rugs or carpets or worn in from the years of it being lived in. the walls were new and pristine but to jules, she saw the walls in the same way she saw herself, barely hanging on.

"...jules, babe, you need to stop doing this every time we move houses. you're slowly killing yourself by thinking everywhere we go is houston and your mom..." rob sighed, feeling bad that his girlfriend felt like this because he knew exactly what it felt like, he too had a parent abandon him

it was his dad that abandonded rob and his family but, he still knew what parental abandonment felt like. he had to live with it and still lives with it every single day but, he doesn't let it constantly control his life. he wasn't doing what jules does which is every new place they move into, bring in the memory of her mother that left.

"...i know i need to stop but i...i just can't! i don't know how!" jules sighed as she plopped herself onto the new velvet couch - which, when she really thought about it, was definitely nothing like the couch she had in her childhood home in houston

"yes you do, jules, you just don't want to stop it. and i know that because i did the same thing for a little while too but, i eventually stopped it because i realised i knew how to stop it, i just didn't want to because i thought if i stopped bringing my dad into every situation that my world would end. but, as soon as i stopped bringing dad into everything and waiting for him, my life became better and i didn't think of him everywhere i went. and i was so much happier knowing that i could live without him and that i no longer had to wait for someone who was never going to come back..." rob was exhausted, not of his girlfriend but of the pain she was putting herself through every single day

rob really did love jules but he didn't love that she couldn't let go of the woman that abandoned her. all because somewhere inside of her, there was still the little six-year-old jules that stood outside that front door in a cold houston chill waiting for her mommy to come home the very same evening she up and left.

"...you're right rob. i do know how to stop it and i don't want to stop it because if i do stop it, i feel like i'll never get the answers i deserved. the answers that that little girl all those years ago deserved...and i want answers rob, i want to know why she decided to leave! i want to know why she thought it was a good idea to just leave my family alone in the late night houston chill. i want to know what we did that made her leave us!" jules cried as rob softened immediately, not that he was fighting her or mad, he just hated seeing the hurt and pain that was still etched on his girlfriend's face

"i know babe but that's not healthy. and it's not going to do anything to actually help you, even though it may seem like closure, it's not actually going to help you, it's only going to make you fall into a deeper spiral of the what ifs," rob soothed as he pulled jules in for a hug as jules nodded her head

"yeah...you're right..." jules whispered as she sniffled and pulled out of the hug as she then saw all the boxes filled with everything that she and rob had brought with them to fill their new house with

"...well, how about we make this house a home? it shouldn't stay empty cause then that'll be boring.." jules smiled as rob's eyes lit up with joy as he nodded his head

"..that's an amazing idea, jules. i'd love to do that, let's start with this room we're in now and go from there..." rob smiled as jules nodded her head as her tears were gone and her joy had returned

even though today was a win, tomorrow was a whole nother story because she was always going to wait for her mom. but, right now, she didn't feel like she needed to because it was clear that right now, she wasn't going to come back. and jules was okay with that because she was with rob and in a new house where her mother wasn't.

she can't hear anything they're saying, she can't believe what is true. it doesn't make sense what they're saying, she can't see anyone but you.

in all of the supernatural storylines, jules had never really explored the storyline about her characters abandonment issues. and there was a reason for that. robert singer didn't want to put jules back into the position of when she was a child and her own mother abandoning her and she loved that and appreciated what robert did. but, since it was a major part of who she was as jules but also a major part of who her character in supernatural was, it would only make sense to let that part of her story be shared. so, jules begged and begged robert and andrew dabb to create that part of her character's story into a storyline for the next season and they actually said yes and jules was bursting with joy. she was so happy that she could finally tell this side of the story to her character whilst also not needing to stray too far away from her own self to make it seem authentic and believable.

her character, leigha watson, was a hunter alongside the winchester brothers, sam and dean, and angel castiel. leigha was the youngest of the group but she was the one with the most authority, what she said, goes. and for a while, dean didn't like that because he was the leader until he met leigha and he kinda fell in love with her. however, there was a huge secret that leigha was keeping from the boys and castiel. that she was abandoned by her mom at fourteen-years-old who covered it up by saying that she was leaving for a hunting trip and would only be gone for a week. and, after the week passed, it worried leigha and her family that their mom and wife still hadn't returned. so, leigha, the oldest of the kids went out to look for her mom in the place where she had told the family where her last known location was. however, mrs watson wasn't there but what was there was a note. and written on that note was mrs watson explaining and apologising. saying that she was sorry she lied but said she lied so no one would try to find her because she knew that if she didn't lie and told the truth her family would come looking for her. which, i'm sure you can guess, is not what mrs watson wanted. she didn't want to be found because she didn't want to be a mother or a wife anymore. she wanted to be a full time hunter and not worry about wondering whether or not she was doing a good job in keeping her husband and kids safe. so, she just decided the best thing was instead of leaving her job as a hunter that it would be safer if she just left her family and abandonded them instead.

and as you can imagine, this devastated leigha and her family. it caused so many fights in her family that it broke the family up. to the point where the older children, excluding leigha, left and the youngest and leigha stayed with their father. that was until leigha had to leave since she wanted to become a hunter just like her mom. and, also because she hoped that if she became a hunter that she would run into her mom. however, leigha was still waiting for the day she'd run into her mom as it hadn't happened yet. and it discouraged her...

...that was...until she saw someone whilst on a hunt with the gang. and the woman she had seen looked exactly like her mom. she couldn't verify if it was her mom but, it gave leigha hope that it was her mom. and because she was so hyperfixated on the woman that could be her mother, she couldn't hear anything that the boys were shouting at her. she couldn't believe what the potential truth could be. the truth that she could have found her mom, finally, after over a decade of looking.

sam, dean and cas all kept on trying to get her attention but it fell on deaf ears as they watched the way leigha tried to see if she could look at the older woman's face. because that was the only thing she could see. she couldn't see anyone but her...

...until the woman turned around fully, her eyes widened and she ran away because she knew they were the hunters, the people trying to capture her because she was the monster they were hunting for. but, because leigha had full faith that it was her mom, she had no idea until she let it run away before realising that she was what they had been hunting for the entire time and now, she had just let her go.

"...i...i am so sorry guys..." leigha stammered as she knew how mad the boys would be at the fact that she let the monster go

"...it's fine, leigha...we're just worried about you, what happened back there? you are usually an amazing hunter but this trip tripped you up. what went wrong?" dean was worried as were sam and castiel, sure it was annoying that they lost this hunt, but it wasn't the end of the world

what they were catching wasn't anything like a wendigo or a dangerous changeling. it was just an angel that had lost her course of travel and all they were sent there to do was to guide the angel back on her course to wherever it was she needed to be. so, it wasn't a danger that they hadn't caught her and that she had been let free.

"i...i thought she was my mom..." leigha stammered as the boys looked at each other and then back at leigha in confusion

"...your mom? i thought you told us that she had died...that was definitely not your mom, leigha!" sam was shocked and confused as leigha scoffed a laugh and provided the truth

"i lied sammy. my mom's not dead, that i know of. she could very well be dead now but, i wouldn't know because she abandonded me and my family when i was fourteen. she covered it up with a lie, saying that she was going on a hunting trip and that she'd only be gone a week...obviously, that was a lie as by the time the week finished and she wasn't home by dinner time, i went out to what she told us was her last known location and found a letter in place of where she should have been...and she's been gone ever since and that was why i started hunting...because, if i went on a hunting trip, there was always a reason for me to believe that she could be on the same hunt that i was on and i'd see her again..." leigha trailed off as the boys watched on in sadness for their best friend

"...but you never came into contact with her even though you saw her in everyone you came into contact with..." sam finished as leigha nodded her head as she breathed out shakily, tears welling in her eyes at the memory of every hunt she had gone on just hoping she'd bump into her mom

"...yeah...that's about right..." leigha sniffled as dean pulled his lover in for a hug as the distraught girl mustered a smile

"...why didn't you tell us sooner sweetheart? we could've asked castiel to go and look for her..."

"...no, you couldn't have and i wouldn't have let you. i can't keep doing this and think that my mom's going to be there when i wait for her because she won't be there and i have to finally take that as a sign to stop waiting for her..." leigha trailed off as leigha faded away and the tears streaming down her face was jules' tears and it was jules' cheeks

the director called for a cut and jules was left to cry on her own on the sound stage as she had to pick up the pieces of herself that broke and had to start glueing them back together to fix the broken pieces of herself.

little girl hold on and wait, it's not fair the fairness is overrated. wait and you will be saved, the path it walks in this way.

jules smiled as cheers and laughter could be heard all around her as she sat onstage during a supernatural convention in texas but this time, it was san antonio so she wouldn't have to see her childhood home this time. it was nearing the end of her panel with rob, jared and jensen when a little girl all of a sudden shuffled up to the microphone.

"...wait, wait, guys, don't end the questions just yet, i am so sorry but, i think this little girl has a question..." jules felt bad for stopping the moderator who was about to halt all questions but, she saw a little girl walk near the microphone stand and it was obvious she had a question

and the moderator nodded her head and stayed at the microphone stand as the little girl made it, "...hello sweetheart, what's your name and what's your question?" jules asked softly, inching off her seat even more to see the little girl clearer

the little girl smiled with a shy energy to her as she breathed into the microphone, "my name is julianna and...and my question is for jules..." julianna, the little girl spoke in her little high-pitched voice as the crowd cooed, jules, rob, jensen and jared doing the same thing

"...hello julianna, what a beautiful name, did you know that's my full name? jules is just my nickname?" jules smiled at the little girl who lit up at hearing that she shared the same first name as one of her idols as she then started to ask her question

"well, my question is, i really loved the storyline about leigha's abandonment from her mom and i wanna know, what was it like for you to film since i know from watching it that it was very hard to watch as my mom also left me and my family so...i...i was just wondering if it was hard for you to film that or not..." julianna got teary at the end of her question as that broke jules' heart as rob, jensen and jared watched closely, their hearts breaking as well

julianna, the little girl only looked to be eight...maybe, just maybe nine but, if julianna was nine, nearing ten, she was awfully small for that age. and it broke jules' heart into two because whilst jules was a lot younger, six, when her mom left her and her family, when she was julianna's age, she was still very much struggling with the fact that she didn't have a mom to run to for help or even an older sister since she was the older sister in the family, she didn't have a girl older than her to run to for help.

"...oh honey, are you okay? do...do you need a hug?" jules stood up from her seat as she watched little julianna started to cry, no longer able to hold her tears in anymore as the audience stayed quiet

julianna nodded her head as she slightly stepped away from the microphone so it wouldn't pick up her little sobs. jules stepped down from the stage and walked the two steps to where the moderator and julianna was and picked the little girl up and hugged her tightly. it was obvious to rob, jared, jensen and the fans in the audience who knew jules' story, that she saw herself in little julianna and how unfair it was that she was still hearing these stories of little kids being abandonded and left behind by either one of or both of their parents. a few minutes later and little julianna had stopped crying, only little sniffles could be heard and jules was content in knowing that the little girl could go back to her seat back to her dad who had come to the convention with her. it was obvious that little julianna's dad had also been crying duirng that exchange because not only had julianna's mom abandonded her, julianna, but she had also abandonded her husband and the father of their children. so it wasn't shocking that little julianna's dad was also crying and it wasn't something that needed to be made into a scene either because it was a father having his heart break as his little girl tells her favourite group of actors that she can relate to one of the storylines in a tv show that technically, she is still too young to watch and comprehend properly. but, again, it's stories like these that jules and the rest of her cast mates hear on the daily that makes what they do nine months out of the year completely worth it in the end.

as little julianna went back to her seat, it only felt like now, that she was away from the microphone and with her dad, that jules felt like she could properly answer the question.

"well, julianna, to answer your question properly, i have to say, it was hard to film that because, just like you, i was also abandonded by my mother. i was a lot younger than you and way younger than leigha was as her mom abandonded her when she was fourteen whereas i was six when my mom left back home in houston. so, i was very, very young yet, i still felt like i was old enough that i could understand what was going on and that mom was leaving and never coming back. however, i feel like as i've gotten older, it's been harder to understand that my mom left and never came back. and, i remember when cut was called on that scene that ties up that abandonment storyline and i just remember i started crying. and, i couldn't distinguish if these were tears for leigha...like i couldn't tell if these were leigha's tears and emotion or if was jules' tears and emotion. and i say that because my last line in that episode regarding leigha's mom and it's after dean asks why leigha hadn't told them as they could have had castiel look for her as they were on the hunt where they were trying to find the lost angel and leigha goes, "no, you couldn't have and i wouldn't have let you. i can't keep doing this and think that my mom's going to be there when i wait for her because she won't be there and i have to finally take that as a sign to stop waiting for her." and, it just hit me in that moment that it was life imitating art imitating life because that was what i was needing to do. i was needing to stop myself from waiting for someone who i know is never going to be there for me..." jules trailed off as she smiled at the little girl and her father who clinged onto every single world jules had said but it was clear that they weren't the only ones, it looked as though the whole convention hall had clinged onto every single world and you could hear a pin drop

because it was unfair but if little jules could wait and this was the life she lived now, so could little julianna. because little julianna's life was going to change forever and in the best way and it was her mom's loss that she was never going to know about it or see it because she made the decision to leave rather than stay.

and meanwhile the house is empty, the floors lay, naked and weary. the walls barely hanging on, carry on and she waits for you.

jules hadn't ever been happier in her life. she had just found out that she was pregnant with her and rob's first baby. and the way she surprised rob was in the empty spare room at the end of the upstairs hallway that was next to their bedroom. the room, that used to lay naked and weary was now decorated from top to bottom with everything that had got to do with babies and having a baby. it was colourful, it was vibrant, it was happy. it reflected the new joy of jules becoming a mom after always being scared of being one since the only mom she ever knew was a mom that lied and eventually ran away, never to be seen again but always waited on. and that wasn't what jules wanted to be as a mom. she wanted to be a mom that told the truth, that stayed and was always one message or phone call away if help was needed, and a mom that didn't need to be waited on. a mom that didn't break her pinky promises.

"...jules? babe, where are you?" rob giggled as he entered the house after a long work day as jules bit her lip in excitement

"upstairs babe, in the spare room next to our bedroom," jules tried to hide the excitement in her voice but it was clear that it couldn't be hidden way as rob giggled

he made his way upstairs to the spare room that was always empty, with confusion as to why his wife was up there. but, because he was too tired to question it, he didn't. however, what he saw when he made his way into the room made so many questions fly through his head that it almost made him burst.

"wait...is this...are you pregnant, jules?" rob questioned as his eyes widened as jules bit her lip and nodded her head

"uh-huh! all five tests said positive!" jules burst into excited squeals and tippy taps as rob laughed in joy, pulling his wife in for a hug as tears welled in his eyes

"oh my gosh, baby, you're pregnant pregnant!" rob sobbed with a giggle as jules giggled and nodded her head

"mmm, i'm pregnant pregnant!" jules sighed with contentment as rob then relaxed his shoulders as he noticed that jules wasn't worried like she used to be

"and...you're not...worried?" rob questioned, pulling out of the hug as jules shook her head

"no, babe, oh my gosh no! i'm not worried at all. if this was happening at the beginning of our relationship or even the start of our marriage then, hell yes, i would be freaking out and thinking about not wanting it. but, because, i've stopped waiting for her and expecting her to be there when i know she won't, i feel so much better and i'm so excited rob. i'm so excited to be a mom and for you to be a dad..." jules sighed as she sat her and rob down on the bed as rob released all the stress he had just gave himself

"...i'm glad you're excited about this because you will be such an amazing mom, jules. i have no worries at all that what happened to you when you were a kid is not going to happen to this baby...to our baby. because i'm not going to leave this baby and you're not going to leave this baby, we've already broken the generational trauma to make sure it never ever happens again to the future children and their childrens children. we're doing a great thing here, jules and i cannot wait for it. if anything, we're no longer waiting for our deadbeat mom and dad but our little baby," rob smiled with tears in his eyes as jules nodded her head as she gave her husband a kiss

"we're waiting for our little benedict," jules whispered as rob nods his head as he then goes to his knees to kiss the non-existant baby bump

she waits for you, she waits

after waiting eight and a half months, in december on a cold evening in austin, texas during christmas with the padalecki's and ackles' families that jules gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. the baby girl was named tallulah eleanor benedict and was healthy at a steady five pounds and eight ounces.

hearing the cries of little tallulah sounded like the angels in heaven. whilst it may have been exhausting for jules and painful to deliver a baby into this world after it living in the womb for nearly nine months, it was still a beautiful thing. and something that jules and rob could definitely see themselves doing again if they wanted to give tallulah some siblings in the future. but, right now, tallulah had just arrived and it was all about her.

"...here she is, well done jules. you did an amazing job, does the father want to cut the cord?" the attending midwife turned to the husband as rob smiled and nodded his head

the midwife offered him the sheers and he cut the cord clean and perfectly as tallulah was properly swaddled up and returned to her mommy and daddy.

"isn't she just gorgeous, rob? we made her, we actually created an entire little human being!" jules muttered, clearly still loopy and delirious from her epidural as rob could only smile with teary eyes at his wife

"she's beautiful, jules, just like her mommy. and yes, we did make her, we made a gorgeous human being who looks like the perfect mix of her mommy and daddy!" rob smiled as he caressed both jules and then tallulah as the midwife returned

"sorry to disturb you mom and dad but, i think the godparents want to be introduced to their goddaughter..." the midwife smiled as rob smiled as did jules as they nodded their heads

although it was tradition for the grandparents to meet the new baby first, rob and jules didn't fly that why. of course, rob and jules both loved their singular parent, of course they did. but, because they had tallulah in austin, texas, not in either of the states that rob's mom and jules' dad currently were, it just made sense that the godparents and other uncles and aunties met baby tallulah first. since mrs benedict and mr holowitz were on flights over to austin which meant that it was still a few hours before they'd land in austin and then arrive to the hospital to then meet the baby.

which leads to the question that everyone was curious about and that was who the godparents to baby tallulah was. and, the godparents of tallulah are jared and gen as well as jensen and danneel. which, everyone should have theoretically seen coming but, it was still a shock when rob and jules announced it.

"...of course, they can come in," jules smiled as she sat her and baby tallulah up in the hospital bed as jared & gen and jensen & danneel walked in

the two couples were confused that all four of them were asked to come in rather than just one of the couples. but, they didn't argue and they all cooed in adoration for the new spnfamily baby.

"oh my gosh...jules, rob...she's gorgeous! what's little bubba's name?" gen cooed as she looked at the baby lovingly, danneel, jared and jensen doing the same

"thank you gen, her name's tallulah eleanor benedict..." jules trailed off as she looked down at the little girl she was cradling that was hers and her husbands

"...tallulah eleanor...that's such a perfect name for a perfect little princess!" gen cooed again as jared could tell his wife was getting baby fever even though they already had three kids as jensen could tell that danneel was trying hard to hide her own baby fever as well

"she's gorgeous jules but, why do you need all four of us in here? i thought you only needed the godparents..." jensen asked in confusion as jules and rob giggled as little tallulah wiggled and made little noises

"...exactly...all four of you are tallulah's godparents," jules smiled as they all looked at their best friend and castmate as though she had four eyes

"wait, that's allowed? i only thought only one couple were allowed to be a child's godparents..." jared trailed off in confusion as to be fair, he did have a fair point

"...technically, that is true and if there is any "paperwork" that needs only one pair of emergency contacts, it'll be you and gen, alright jared. but, if it needs a second pair of emergency contacts, that's where jensen and danneel come in and why i want tallulah to have two godmoms and two goddads cause she already has enough aunties and uncles..." jules trailed off as they all giggled but it was clear that it really touched both couples that they both had been chosen as tallulah's legal guardians if anything were to happen to jules and rob

"...well, she does have a lot of aunties and uncles and cousins but, that's the best way to do it. you wouldn't want to bring a kid up with no one around them," jared smiled as he moved over and hugged jules and placing his gigantic hand on baby tallulah's teeny tiny head

"that's very true, jared, very true," jules smiled in content as she looked at everyone around her plus the others in the waiting room and her dad and mrs benedict who were also on their way as well

she had never felt this amount of love before but she loved it but she loved her new baby girl the most. baby tallulah was what jules had been waiting for, not her mother.

- - -

okay phew, this was fun to write but i don't know if it's good i guess. mainly because i've never written about parental abandonment because i never experienced that. but, alas, i did enjoy writing this as, like i said, i do love "she waits" by louden swain and i have had this idea for a while but i just never knew how to write it or how it'll turn out. but, i am still proud of it.

ok bye ily xx

wc; 7233

#supernatural cast #rob benedict x jules #angst but happy ending #she waits #abandonment issues

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