#jts even more terrifyin for someone with did. i didn always know we had this baggage
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Kazakhstan’s Minister of Communications and Informatics has blocked the Tumblr site because it contained 60 sites of terrorism, extremism, and pornography in 2015.
Text
okay very srs vent / trauma dump ahead i seriously advise No1 reads this..
tw for the same described in last rb i am sorry
i apologise for usin this acc for ventin a lot heh i prommy i try 2 keep it silly.. but its more convenient here than on instagram. 🙏
#i know it is an extremely heavy topic but really when i think ab it. it also stays so unspoken abt cuz of this culture of not talkin ab it#its kinda like a he who shall not b named thing#n i of course feel an insane amnt of guilt n shame even tryin 2 bring it up#jts even more terrifyin for someone with did. i didn always know we had this baggage#but certain memories wer shared with me by one of our trauma holders in a flashback & it. it like everythin suddenly made sense#its like. puzzle pieces comin together like Oh so this why we have this. this is why we have survival instincts on top of survival instincts#this is why we r deadly scared of everyone in this household. this is why im so anxious with the. all too feasible idea of ofhers besides#Him bein attracted to us too#idk memories r a blur but suddenly there is a reason dat i realise Why we wer growin up with primal fear n grief instilled when#it comes to family & .. closeness#sure i have my own notions abt it as well havin the exomemories thst i do but. they also mske so much more sense once i learned our#lived experiences#we still live under the same roof with him#its been.. 16-ish years. it started arnd when we wer 4-5 purely judgin off our trauma holders age. shes a little girl. surprisingly quiet#im glad she is warmin up to people (friends & partner) nowadays altho she hasn been arnd for months now..#i worry but i think her bein away for now is for da best#but yeah. i feel awful jus knowin shes the one who took most of dat & the one still carryin the memories#i remember jus. feelin a deep void for weeks after i got the flashback. its an indescribable feelin my chest honesly hurts as im typin this#but i am glad 2 b sharin this burden as well..#its weird cuz it started n then ended n its been years of weird uncertainty where its not like we r actively bein abused (by him) but#there wer Moments#gawd jus last year. i remember wkain up2 him on top of me#n iys this weird kind of thing where ya feel yr body violently shake n jolt awake like a literal fight or flight respojse wakin ya up#the only reason he left is cuz i screamedwso loud i woke others up#then later he acted like he was drunk n apologised#i.. did nawt forget#i also will never forget the. actual childhood memories but god they ffeel entirely too disgustin to even put in text#they feel like they r fiction made to specifically awaken most fierce disgust ya can feel#but they r not. how??#i reached max tags...
1 note
·
View note