#jongdae oneshot

[euswex]

gölge | chanbaek

Söylemek istediklerim var.

Geç kalmışlığın sancısıyla kıvranan benliğim, sana olan aciz bağımlılığım tarafından baskılansa da söylemek istediklerim var. Yüzüme bir kova soğuk su boca edilmişçesine sarsıcı bir uyanışla edindiğim farkındalıktan sonra yüreğimde yaşadığım duygu geçişlerinin hızına yetişemiyor, senin için aklımda peyda olmuş hiçbir kelimeyi içimde tutamıyorum. Bu yüzden bu gece, beş mayısı altısına bağlayan gecede, senelerdir kutsal saydığım bugünün ilk dakikalarında okuduğun satırları kaleme alıyorum. Çünkü ben artık susamıyorum. 

Tanıştığımız günden bu yana her altı mayısta apayrı bir heyecanla dolardı ağzıma kelimeler. Sana söylenecek tonla güzel sözüm, saçının her bir telinden başlayarak ayağının küçük parmağına değin edecek iltifatlarım ve varlığınla şenlendirdiğin dünyadan bahsedecek kadar da enerjim vardı geçirdiğimiz sekiz sene boyunca. Varlığın benimkine neşe demekti. O vakitler Byun Baekhyun’un adı anılsa dahi genişçe gülümser, iri gözlerimin istemsizce ışık saçmasından memnuniyet duyardım ama ne yazık ki son birkaç aydır bırak adını duymayı, bana seni anımsatan herhangi bir şey; bir eşya, bir koku yahut da bir kelime karnıma ağrı sokuyor, daralan göğsümle birlikte aklımın farklı yerlere kayarak senden uzaklaşması için çabalıyorum.

Benden böylesi bir itiraf almayı belki beklemiyordun, belki de senin için korkulan gün geldi. Yoksa sonsuza kadar böyle kalacağımı mı düşünüyordun? Sonsuza kadar en büyük hayranın olarak kalacak, daima senin yanında ve tarafında bulunarak elini uzattığın her an kendi ellerimle sımsıkı kavrayacağımı mı sanıyordun? Şüphesiz, böyle düşünüyor olmalısın ki beni kaybetmekten hiç korkmadın. Bir gün uzattığın elinin boşluğa düşeceği ihtimalini hiç aklına getirmemiş olmalısın, diğer türlü sen de benim için çabalar, yanında bulduğun anlar hatırına minnetini gösterirdin. Ama sen, Baekhyun, sen bir numaraları müptelan Park Chanyeol’ü kaybetmeyeceğine öyle emindin ki beni görmezden gelmekte hiç zorlanmadın.

Ama ben de senin yanındaydım.

Beyninin kapalı sandıklarını aç, o narin parmaklarını geçmiş defterlerinin yıpranmış sayfaları arasında dolaştır. Dikkatli bak geçtiğin kalabalıklar arasındaki simalara. Ayrıntıları eşele biraz, eminim bir şeyler bulacağına. Endişelenme, bulacağın şeyden ürkmene gerek yok. Zira bir yabancıyla yahut düşmanla değil, benimle karşılaşacaksın. Ben de oradayım. Çevrendeki diğer insanlara, özellikle de kalbinin anahtarını yıllardır kendine zimmetleyen Zhang Yixing’e kıyasla daha az önemliyim muhtemelen. Ama yüzüm bulanık olsa da, sesim diğerlerine karışmış seçilemez titreşimler halinde kulağına ulaşsa da tam yanındayım. Kahkahalarınla aydınlattığın gecelerin karanlığına karışmış olsam da izliyorum seni. Kimi zaman destek aldığın vücut, omuzlarına bir şal bırakan el, çantanı taşıyan sırt ya da dinleyen kulak oluyorum ama hep oradayım. Yanıbaşındayım. 

Mutlu anılarında ufacık, dikkatine değmeyen bir ayrıntı olduğumun pekala farkındayım ancak… Gözünden düşen incileri sildiğim; hıçkırıklarla sarsılan bedenini sabitlemek amacıyla sımsıkı sarıldığım; kalp kırıklıklarını, kursağında kalanları dinlediğim o anlarda da mı görünmezim senin için? Muhtemelen değilim, değil mi? Esasen tamamıyla görünmez değilim senin hayatında çünkü biliyorsun, her zaman biliyordun. Moralin bozuk olduğunda, kalbin kırıldığında kime koşacağını, kimden destek alabileceğini biliyordun. Bu yüzden öpmek için can attığım dudaklarının büzülmesine mahal vermeden bana koşuyor, tesellimle şefkat arayan ruhunu besliyordun. 

İşte yüreğimde kabaran öfkenin nedeni de bu, Baekhyun: Biliyor olman. 

Güzelliğinle yarışan zekânı hep takdir etmişimdir. Ne zaman aklını kullanman gerekse parlayan gözlerine, sinsi gülüşüne de hayrandım. Beyninde birbirinden kurnaz onlarca tilki varmış da vakti geldiğinde hepsini yuvarlak bir masa etrafında toplayıp öyle sonuca varıyormuşsun gibi gelirdi bana, buna da hayrandım. Ta ki kıvrak zekânın kurbanlarından birinin de ben olduğumu idrak edene değin…

Çok kişiyi kullandın, Baekhyun. Çok kişiyi kölen yaptın, çok kişinin yarası oldun. Yixing’in senden esirgediği ne varsa başkasından aldın, armağan olarak ahlarını da yüklendiğini kafana takmadın. Karma sana hiç vurmaz sandın. Yixing’den gayrı kimseyi umursamadın, Yixing’in kollarındayken dünyanın sana ulaşamayacağı hesabındaydın ve sen, bu noktada feci yanıldın.

Yalnızca ben değildim ya görmezden geldiğin. Belli ki sen, kendi aşkının umutsuzluğunu da tilkilerinin sofrasına meze yapmamak için görmezden gelmiştin. Diğer türlü imkânı yoktu Yixing’in huysuzluklarına katlanmanın, yaptığı onca şeye rağmen peşinde koşmanın. Çok aşıksın, öyle zannediyorsun. ‘’Aşkta gurur olmaz.’’ diyerek savunmaya geçiyor, yaptığın onca rezilliğe kılıf uyduruyorsun ama bu satırları okurken kendinle baş başasın, Baekhyun. İtiraf et. Zhang Yixing’e sarılmak yalnızca bahanen, şah damarına yakın olmak istiyorsun ki zehrini uygun noktaya verebilesin.

İtiraz etmeye geçme hemen. Tilkilerinin bana hak veren cümlelerini susturma ve egonu bir kenara bırak. Yixing’i deviremediğin için kucağındasın. Ondan kopamamanın tek sebebi bugüne kadar karşına dikilmiş en güçlü rakip olması. Aşkına katlanarak artan hislerle dönmek bir yana, seni ilgisine dahi layık görmediği için zedelenen egonun intikamını almak istiyordun. Hoşlantıyla başlayan duygularının seyri bu nedenle değişti ama sen, yüzündeki masum gülümsemeyi hiçbir şeyin lekelemesine izin vermeyeceğin gibi hin düşüncelerine de müsaade etmedin ve dermansız aşık rolünü pek güzel üstlendin. Öyle iyi oynadın ki bugüne kadar kendin de aşık olduğunu sanıyor olabilirsin ama değilsin, Baekhyun. Uğruna hastalandığın adama aşık falan değilsin. 

Aşk, senin kalbinde konaklayacak kadar aşağılık bir duygu değil.

Hakaret etmişim gibi oldu, değil mi? Ama sözlerimi geri almayacak, kalbini kırdığım için af dilemeyecek, laflarımı yumuşatmayacağım. Ben bu yaşıma gözlerimin açılmasıyla girdim sayılır, sen de yeni yaşını benimle aynı şoku yaşayarak kutla. Bu farkındalık sana doğum günü hediyem olsun. Küfretme arkamdan, sonunda biri seni, sana ve bitmek tükenmek bilmeyen savunmalarına rağmen daldığın gaflet uykusundan uyandırmaya cesaret ettiği için şükret. 

Aynı savunmaları bana yapacağının da bilincindeyim tabii ki ama bu defa haklı çıkmana izin vermeyeceğim, Baekhyun. Her şeyi göreceksin. Karıştırmaya başladığın defterlerdeki tekrar okumaktan çekindiğin anıları birer birer sereceğim önüne, kafanı çevirdiğin detayları üzerine basa basa işaret edeceğim. Göreceksin. 

Çok çok uzun yıllar öncesine götüreceğim seni. Sayfaları çevirmekle uğraşma, defterin kapağını kapatıp yeniden aç ve en başa, hayır, benimle değil, Yixing’le tanıştığın sabaha dön. Tıpkı bana anlattığındaki gibi her şey hâlâ zihnindeki tazeliğini koruyordur sanıyorum. Yağmurlu bir sabahtı, şemsiyeni evde unutmanın cezası olarak sırılsıklam ıslanmış halde Sehun’un çalıştığı kafeye güç bela atmıştın kendini. Arkadaşının yeni paspasladığı yerleri ıslatmanın mahcubiyetini duymuyordun. Hatta Sehun’un o yoğun günde başına iş açtığınla ilgili söylenmeleri de vücudunun titremesinden kulaklarına ulaşmıyordu. Tek ereğin üzerindeki ıslaklıktan kurtulmak ve ısınmaktı. Montunu üzerinden atıp da kafenin sahibine yakalanmayı umursamadan tezgahın en köşesine konulmuş hırkayı almak için sallanan kapının diğer tarafına geçmen de bu yüzdendi. Sehun’a ait sanmış, sana büyük gelmesini de aynı sebebe yormuştun. 

Dakikalar sonra Yixing’in unuttuğu hırkasını almak için kafeye dönmesine ‘’Kader bu,’’ dedin. ‘’Tanrı, hayatımın aşkına kavuşabileyim diye her şeyi ayarladı.’’ Yixing’in yakışıklı sıfatını görür görmez aklında beliren cümle bu oldu. Kalbininse hırkasını giyiyor olmanın utancıyla mı yoksa çattığı kaşlarının kattığı karizmasından mı hızlandığını bir türlü çözebilmiş değilsin. Kolaya kaçıp onu da Tanrı yaptı varsayıyorsun.

Anlatırken bana takındığın göz alıcı gülümsemenin aynısını Yixing’e de sergilemiş olmalısın, ilgisini çekmemen garip olurdu. Ve maalesef, Baekhyun, garip olan yaşandı ve Yixing’in ilgisini hiç mi hiç çekemedin. Her şeyi senin için ilmek ilmek işleyen Tanrı, hayli büyük bir engebeyi de koydu önüne. İlk karşılaşmanızda senin kalbin ona hazır, bomboştu ama Yixing’in kalbi Sehun’un ilgisiyle doluydu. En yakın arkadaşın Sehun.

Çok geçmeden anladın. Doğrusu, herkese göre kolaydı anlaması. Yixing’e attığın flörtöz adımların geri çevrilmesinin nedenini bulmak için bakışlarını takip etmek yeterli oluyordu. Sen Yixing’le konuşmaya çalışıyor, ona başkasına yaptığın takdirde nefesini kesecek kurlar yapıyor ama karşılığında Sehun’un tepkisini izlerken ağız ucuyla verilmiş, gergin cevaplar alıyordun. Hayatına dahil olduktan sonra, tüm olaylara geç kalmışlıkla hakim olmaya çalışan benim dahi çabucak çözdüğüm bir sahneydi. Sehun da biliyor, sen Yixing’den hoşlandığın için özellikle geri duruyordu ama sen arkadaşın için aynı özveriyi gösteremedin. Belki de bu yüzden kaybettin.

‘’Kaybetmek’’ senin lügatında bambaşka bir anlam içeriyor olmalı. Sen kendini kazanmış sayıyorsun. Çünkü Sehun’un da Yixing’i kesin bir dille reddetmesini fırsat bilerek hamlelerini daha ustaca attın ve tabiri caizse düşkünlüğünden faydalandın ama kazandın. Senindi Yixing. Aynı masada oturduğumuzda bakışları Sehun’da oyalansa da senindi, benim senden ayrılmayan bakışlarımı hiç kıskanmasa da senindi. Güzel sözler söylemese, mesajlarına dönmese, aramalarını cevaplamasa da yani kelimenin tam anlamıyla sen yok gibi davransa da sana aitti. Ve buna sen kazanmanın hazzına doyana kadar devam etmeliydi. İlişkinize bir buçuk ay dayanıp terk etmek suretiyle senin olmayı bırakmamalıydı. Hakkı yoktu. Byun Baekhyun terk edilemezdi. 

Ayrılığınızın ardından gruba, daha çok Sehun’a çöken rahatlamayı hatırlıyorum. Jongdae ve Kyungsoo da sürekli Yixing’i dahil ederek gerginleşmesine sebebiyet verdiğin grup buluşmalarından çok sıkılmışlardı ama Sehun… İki arada bir derede kalma durumunun bittiği ve artık arkadaşlarını ekmesine gerek kalmadığı için resmen sevinmişti. Mutluluğunu bana belli etmek gibi bir hata da yaptı. Sence ben ne yaptım dersin? Arkadaşının ayrılığına sevindiği için ona kızdım mı? Ben, Sehun’dan daha büyük bir hata yaptım ve ona söylememem gereken bir şeyi açık ettim, aniden oluşan bu güven bağının tazminatını da feci şekilde aldım. Evet, aylar boyu senden hoşlandığımı, ondan katbekat fazla yansıttığım sevincim yüzünden anladı. Ben hislerimden kaçmayıp tasdikleyince daha da derin bir nefes verdi ve Yixing’in senden kurtulduğu her saniye Sehun’un yanında biterek şansını zorladığı bombasını patlattı. Ama hiçbiri senin için ‘’yeni’’ niteliği taşımıyordu.

Bunları da biliyordun.

Tanıştığımız an senden hoşlanmaya başladığımı biliyordun, Yixing’in sana Sehun’a daha yakın olabilmek için katlandığını da biliyordun. Daha sonra söylediğin üzere, Yixing’in bulabildiği her fırsatta Sehun’u zor durumda bıraktığına da bizzat şahit olmuştun ama ne sevgiline bağırıp çağırmak ne de Sehun’dan seni sırtından bıçakladığına dair bir hesap sormak tercihin değildi. Sarhoş olup ayrılığın acısına bunu da katarak omuzumda ağladın yalnızca. Çünkü senin, çok daha başka planların vardı. Zafer kupasını yeniden, kuşku barındırmayacak şekilde kaldıracağın sinsilikte planlar.

Zekân ve sinsiliğin durumu kurtardı kurtarmasına ama senin de yanıldığın -ya da egonu yaralayacak doğru ifadeyi kullanmam gerekirse insani hırslarına yenik düşerek kendini aşağılık gösterdiğin- durumlar da yaşandı. Yixing’i kıskandırmak için kaç kişiyi harcadın, Baekhyun? Tatlı sesine, samimi temaslarına kanan kaç aşığını işin bittikten sonra zorba tarafınla tanıştırdın? Kimisi umursamaz herifin tekiydi ama içlerinde Kim Jongin gibi öyleleri vardı ki, hassas bir kalple dünyaya gelme lanetinden tabağında kocaman bir pay bulunduruyordu. Fakat Kim Jongin’in şansı yahut şanssızlığı, zorba tarafınla hiç tanışmadı. Çünkü yakışıklı yüzü ve düzgün fiziğiyle Yixing’in kendine dişli bir rakip olarak gördüğü tek kişiydi.

Hassas bir kalbe görenin dönüp tekrar baktığı bir fizik de eklenince… Bir insan daha ne ister, değil mi? Senin ellerine düşmeyi istemez. Jongin bunu o zamanlar nimet sayıyordu; gösteriş yapmak için kullanılan süslü bir aksesuar olduğundan büsbütün habersiz…

Yixing’in dikkatini okuldaki namını gölgeleyen ismi tavlamanla çekmiştin, benimki ise başından beri sendeydi zaten. Yixing, Jongin’in sana nasıl baktığıyla ilgileniyordu, bense Yixing dahil kime yakınlık göstersen deli gibi kıskanıyordum. İkimiz de yanlış yolu seçtik. Yixing, sana ondaki kimi hisleri harekete geçirebileceğini açık etti; bense hislerimi senden köşe bucak sakladım. Ama söylesene, Baekhyun, ben de bildiğin bir gerçeği açığa çıkarsaydım tepkin farklı olur muydu? Anladın sanıp paniğe kapıldığım tüm o durumlarda yaptığın gibi şakaya vururdun, değil mi? ‘’Chanyeol-ie, sen benim en yakın arkadaşımsın. Seni hepsinden daha fazla seviyorum!’’ der, saniyeler evvel kalçamı gizlice avuçlamanın da tıpkı arkadaşlık çizgisini aşan diğer davranışların gibi bitmek tükenmek bilmeyen bahanelerinin ardına sığınmasını sağlardın. Açık açık söylesem çok şaşırırdın muhtemelen. Susmama, ufak bir temasınla elimi ayağımı nereye koyacağımı bilemememi izlemeye alışmıştın. Belki de cesaretimle oyunlarının artık bitmesi gerektiği için arkadaşlığımıza da son verirdin ki bu toy Chanyeol’ün yaşayabileceği en dehşet verici senaryoydu. Seni kaybetmek… Şimdi senden kendi isteğimle vazgeçiyorum.

Neyse, konuyu dağıtmayalım. Allem ettin kallem ettin, Jongin’le verdiğin cesur pozlar ve birkaç kışkırtıcı hareketle Yixing’i yeniden koluna taktın. Bu sırada Jongin’i güzel harcadın ama Byun Baekhyun’dan bahsediyoruz. Jongin’in ayak bağı olması türünden ihtimallerle uğraşamaz, Yixing’in aklının tekrar çelinmesini riske atamazdın ve sen de tilkilerinin en mantıklı bulduğu eşleşmeyi yaptın. Jongin’le çıktığın haftalar boyu oldukça usta bir işçilikle aklına kazıdığın Sehun’la önlerini açtın, ikisine de düşman kesilmeyeceğine, anlayışlı biri olduğuna dair imalarda bulundun. Hâlâ kendini tanıyamadığını da Sehun ve Jongin el ele yanımıza geldiğinde anladın. 

Gözlerinde parlayan, kimseye çaktırmamak için yandığı kadar çabuk söndürdüğün ateşi aynen hatırlıyorum. Çekingence oturduğumuz ağaç gölgeliğine doğru ilerleyen Sehun’u görüşünle, senden katbekat fazla bozguna uğramış ama senin aksine duygularını, hayal kırıklığını saklayamayan Yixing’in omuzuna yanağını dayaman arasındaki o birkaç saniyelik zaman diliminde bakanı cennetten iki taş düştüğüne inandıran gözlerin öyle hinle parladılar ki, yeni çifte sarf ettiğin tebrik sözlerinin hiçbirinin altının dolu olmadığını peşinen tasdiklediler. Tabii, yakın arkadaşına yanık olan sevgilin ateşinin farkına varmadı, zavallı Sehun ve Jongin çifti de ağzından damlayan bala kanmaya devam etti. Bir yanım Kyungsoo’nun anladığını söylüyor ama… Eminim sana konduramamıştır. Jongdae’yse sözde arkadaş grubumuzun rahatladığına seviniyordu yalnızca.

Herkes seni seviyordu, herkes sana güveniyordu… Kalplerini kırdığın insanlardan yayılan onlarca söylenti bile çevrenden birilerinin azalmasına yetmiyordu. Öyle iyi kuruyordun ki dengeyi… Yixing’le sürüp giden çalkantılı ilişkinizin de herkesçe mağduru olmuştun. Kötücül niyetinin aksine mutluluğu bulan Sehun’u yakinen seyretmeye dayanmayan Yixing seni terk ettiğinde yemeden içmeden kesiliyor, çevrene müthiş bir ‘’aşk acılı bitik çocuk’’ imajı çiziyordun. Dedikodular ve beraberinde gelen baskı Yixing’i buluyor, bazen onun arkadaşları hatta bazen de alakasız diyebileceğimiz kimseler dayanamayıp aranızı yapmaya kalkışıyordu. Bir yerden sonra Yixing’in kendisi de manipülasyonlarına inanmaya başladı, seni terk ederse yitip gideceğini sandığından çizdiğin mutlu ilişki resminin içerisinde somurtan suratıyla hapsoldu. 

Gerçi, Yixing’in sana inanmasında dolaylı değil, direkt bir etkin de var. Evet, o geceden bahsedeceğim. Hatırlıyorsun, değil mi? Bende bıraktığın devasa yarayı, kestiğin nefesimi sana vermekteki tereddüt etmeyişimi ve sonunda nasıl da ortada kalışımı hatırlıyorsun.

Sonunda okuldan mezun olmuş, iş hayatına atılmıştık birer birer. Eskisi gibi sık görüşemiyor oluşumuzdan dolayı ayağımdaki sen prangaları bir tık gevşemişti sanki. İş hayatının yoğun temposuyla dolan kafam sayesinde düşüncelerim senin yörene uğrayacak vakti bulmakta zorlanıyor, yeni ortama ve insanlara uyum sağlamaya çalışırken karşılaştığım simalar seninkinin üstüne eklenerek ilgimi dağıtıyordu. Yalan yok, bilincinde ve çok memnundum halimden. 

Bana iyi gelmediğini anlayalı bayağı oluyordu ama kabullenemiyordum bir türlü. Sehun’un, beteri Yixing’in inadına yaptığın sevgililikle ilgili herhangi bir şeye katlanmakta zorlanıyordum. Sehun ya da Yixing’le uğraşmadığında da beni hedef belliyor, senden deli gibi hoşlanmamdan faydalanarak yarattığın etkiden zevk alıyordun. Başka biriyle konuştuğumda yahut da size bakmama özsaygısını gösterebildiğimde ise dozu arttırarak gece üzüntüden uyuyamayacağım manzaralar sergiliyordun. Bütüne bütün bir sahne gösterisi haline getirdiğin ilişkinin midemde attığı sonsuz düğümler özlediğim hisler değildi ama apaçık ki sen, tıpkı ben gibi yetişkin oluşunu senden uzaklaşmak için bir gerekçe olarak kullanan Yixing’in de oyunundan kafasını çevirmesiyle delirdin. O gecenin daha makul bir izahını yapamıyorum.

Yine -kaçıncı olduğunu sayamadığım- terk edilişlerinden birinde, ancak sanıyorum Yixing’in dilinin ayarının uygun olmaktan çok uzak kaçtığı birinde, ve galiba artık ‘’tamamen bitirdiği’’ hakkında ettiği yeminlere sonunda seni inandırabildiği bir tanesinde umutsuzluğa kapılmıştın. Sayıp dökmelerle bitiremediğimden de anlaşılacağı gibi bu defa düştüğün umutsuzluğun pençeleri dört bir yanını sıkı sıkı sarmış, sana çırpındığında kurtulacağın hiçbir açık bırakmamış olacak ki son perdeyi oynayıp her şeyi ciddi ciddi bırakma kararı aldın. 

Kendini bir başkasının, benim kollarıma attın. Benden, onun sende bıraktığı izleri silmemi istedin. Ruhunda ve bedeninde Yixing’den kalan ne varsa benim bıraktığım yeni izlerle kapanmasını, seni kandırdığını, yıllardır hata yaptığını ama bu hatandan dönerek onu tamamen unutacağını, artık seni ve sevgini hak eden kişiyle birlikte olacağını söyledin.

Sen bataklığından kurtulsa da daima bir paçası batık olan benim ağzıma bir parmak bal çaldın, ben dudaklarının tatlı sarhoşluğu etkisindeyken omuzlarımdan bastırıp gerisingeri dibe yolladın. Şikayetçi değildim. Baştan ayağa battığım çamuru aşkın sanıyor, nihayet bataklıktan kurtulup da engin denizlere açıldığımın hülyasıyla aptalca sırıtıyordum. 

Sabah kollarımda seninle uyanmak… Ne imkânsız düştü… Hangi duamın kabulüydü..?

Huzurla uyuduğun kollarımda uyanıp da güneşimin ikinci kez doğmasını heyecandan karnım taklalar atarak beklemiştim. Biliyordun. Sahiden, kuruntuya ya da kuşkuya yer vermeksizin kalbimde beslediğim ne varsa hepsinden haberdardın. Alacakaranlıkta uykuya dalmadan evvel masal dinler misali dinlemiştin. Yorgunluğun da etkisiyle aşkımı anlattıkça mayışmış yüzünde ortaya çıkan tembel tebessümlerini izlemiş, belki milyonlarca kez hayalini kurduğum şekilde cümlelerim arasında verdiğim ufak molalarda dudaklarına ardı arkası kesilmeyen öpücükler kondurmuştum. Hepsinin de uykuyla uyanıklık arası beceriksizce ileri uzattığın dudaklarınla memnuniyetle karşılanması çektirdiğin onca çileyi, kalbimin bölündüğü sayısız parçayı unutturmuştu. Kollarımda, aşkımla sarmalanmış halde huzurluydun; varsın peşinden bir bu kadar daha koşturmuşsun, umursar mıydım?

Erken konuşmuşum.

Kusur bende değil ya, hayranı olduğum gözlerini açıp da nerede, kiminle olduğunu idrak eder etmez gece öpmekten harap ettiğim dudaklarından dökülen ilk sözcüğün ‘’Hataydı.’’ olacağını tahmin edemezdim. Yataktan bir hışımla kalkarak izlerimi bıraktığım bedenini yine benim gömleğimle kapatırken ‘’Unutalım. Yaşanmamış sayalım.’’ diyeceğini, ‘’Yixing bilmesin.’’ diye eklerken de gözlerime bakacak cürete sahip olabileceğini düşünememiştim. 

Kapıyı çarpıp çıktın. Ardında bir enkaz bile değil, aldığı nefesin doğruluğundan dahi emin olamayacak kadar ne yapacağını bilemeyen, dosdoğru bir tasvirle alenen kullanıp atılmış birini bıraktın. 

Peşinde koştuğum günlerin umutsuzluğu dağ olup aramızda dikiliyorken attığın tek adımla o dağı aştığımızı sanmıştım. Görmezden gelinmenin ve umursanmamanın, fenası kullanılmanın ayaklar altına serdiği gururumun üzerinde bir de ben tepinmiş, narin parmaklarının tenimi okşamasından aldığım güçle onu parça pinçik etmiştim. Senin uğruna yapılmış bir hareketti bu. Peki, sen neredeydin? Muhtemelen yapmayı sevdiğin biçimde Yixing’in göğsüne kafanı gömmenin en çabuk yöntemiyle ilgili tasarılar kuruyor, Yixing’in kalp atışlarının kendi sızlayan vicdanını bastırması için can atıyordun. Acınacak durumdaydım. Senin de benden aşağı kalır yanın yoktu.

Toparlanmayı seçebilirdim. Ortalığı ayağa kaldırıp acındırmalar ve baştan çıkarmalarla manipüle etmek için haftalarca uğraştığın Yixing’in, senin adını silinmeyecek bir kalemle çizmesini sağlayabilirdim. Sözde çok değer verdiğin, hırsların doğrultusunda hepsinin başını düşünmeden ezeceğin arkadaş grubumuzu dağıtabilir, kendim de yanında olmayarak seni yapayalnız bırakabilirdim. Mevzubahis sen olduğunda kullanmayı beceremediğim iradem herhangi birine müsaade etseydi eğer en büyük hayranın, aşığın, enayin… nasıl istiyorsan öyle adlandır, senin için neysem hayatını altüst eden düşmanına evrilebilirdim. Kırılan kalbimin, ayaklar altında hırpalanmış onurumun; sonları mutlu bitse de Sehun’un ve Jongin’in; bugüne değin üzdüğün kim varsa her birinin intikamını ağzımdan çıkacak iki-üç cümleyle alabilir, şah damarın saydığın Yixing’i senden ayırarak karmanı ödetebilirdim.

Envai çeşit hakareti hak ediyorum ancak uzatmanın manası yok, düpedüz akılsız olduğum için kıyamadım. Ya da bağımlıydım? Kalbimi atışını kontrol edemeyeceğim kadar hızlandıran aşkının hissine, gözümün gördüğü en dinginleştirici manzara olan gülüşüne bağımlı olmam; ‘’sırrımızı’’ saklayarak seninle aynı ortamlara girmeye devam edip Yixing’le yan yana görmeye katlanmama iyi bir mazeret sayılabilir. 

Ben sana bağımlıydım, sen başkasına takıntılıydın… Benziyoruz, değil mi? Seni andırdığım için mi beni görmezden gelmeyi seçiyordun? Yoksa kendinden mi kaçıyordun?

O meşum hadisenin ardından kaderin, hayır, suçu Tanrı’ya atmak saçma olur, arkadaşlarımızın bizi yeniden aynı masa etrafına topladığı gün ikimizin de hastalığı hiçbir iyileşme emaresi bulundurmuyordu. Sen mekana kolundan sürüklediğin Yixing’le girmiştin; bense aptallığımı sindirmekle geçirdiğim aylara, sizi birlikte gördüğümde kalbime saplanan sancıya, suçlu olduğunu bilen gözlerinin inatla oturduğum sandalyeden kaçınmasına rağmen paragrafın başında ‘’meşum’’ diye bahsettiğim gecenin aklıma doluşan hatırasıyla kulaklarım kızaracak mı diye endişeleniyordum. Kızarmasa da pembeleşmiş olmalı. Dikkatinden kaçmayan, gecenin devamında Yixing yerine benden seni evine bırakmamı isteyecek cesareti alabileceğin tonda bir pembelik. 

Sana ettiğim bu son sözlerimde öfkemle üreyen hakaretlerime gem vurmayacağımı belirtmiştim. Alçaksın. Öyle alçaksın ki, zehrinden damarlarını arındıramamış bir adamı kandırıp diğerinin koynuna koşacak, sonra da yine unutmasını isteyecek kadar alçaksın. Ve haftalar sonra, doyumsuz nefsinin biriyle yetinemediğinin idrakıyla aramızdakilerin gizli kalarak devam etmesini teklif edecek kadar da yüzsüzsün. Ama söyledim ya, biz aslında benziyoruz. Senden daha az alçak ya da yüzsüz olsaydım en azından beni arkadaşı sayan Yixing’in arkasından dolap çevirmeyi kabul etmek şöyle dursun, balıklama atlamazdım.

Yaptığımla övünmüyor, aksine hicap duyuyorum ancak yaptım işte. Beni kullanmana izin vermeye devam ettim, adımın başında yazdığı upuzun bir liste insanı kandırırken sana ortak oldum. 

Lafın gelişiyle dahi olsa ‘’Biliyor musun?’’ diye sormayacağım, biliyordun. Yaşam boyu tanıdığım en alçak insanın ikram ettiği şaraptan, dudaklarından kana kana içerken kendimden geçtiğimi, aklımı oynattığımı biliyordun. Aşk, arkadaşlık… insan ilişkileri hakkında öğrendiğim nice doğruları hiçe sayarken arka planda bas bas bağıran vicdanımı zorlanmadan susturdum ancak Yixing’in dudaklarının ağırlığı terazinin dengesiyle oynamış olsa gerek, aynısı senin için geçerli olmadı. Aklanmak, temizin yanından bile geçemeyecek olsan da ona yakın hissetmek istedin fakat senin tilkilerin ahlaksız, Baekhyun. O masadan çıkan herhangi bir sonuç sıradan insanların ahlak anlayışına uymuyor. Ama… Kime anlatıyorum… Tilkilerin tokalaştıktan sonra dünyanın kalanı umurunda mı ki?

Manipülasyonunun olgun meyvesi, artık kölen haline gelmiş Yixing’e ihanet etmek yüreğine ağır geldi, sana verdiğim hazdan da vazgeçemedin ve durumu eşitlemek için Yixing’i de bizim şarampolden yuvarlandığımız yoldan çıkarmaya çalıştın. Başardın da. Sarhoşluğun etkisiyle bilincini hiç kazanmamış gibi yitiren Yixing’i izi kalmış gönül yarasıyla, esas yüzünü bilmeden seninle arkadaşlığını devam ettiren ve en az Yixing kadar sarhoş olma bahtsızlığına sahip Sehun’la aynı odaya soktun. Mükemmel bir plandı. Çünkü Yixing’i etkilemek amacıyla hiçbir şey yapmamış olsa da Sehun’a da bilenmiştin, değil mi? Gecikmiş intikamını da böylece aldın. Senin aksine mutlu ve sağlıklı bir ilişki sürdüren Sehun’a muazzam bir vicdan azabı verdin. Ne de olsa Sehun’un Jongin’i kaybetmemek için bu sırrı saklayacağını biliyordun. Ayrılsalar da umursamazdın ya, neyse.

Sonra, senin dahi hesaplayamadığın bir şey oldu. Bu okuduklarını nasıl öğrendiğim gizemine kafa yormana gerek yok: Sehun sırrını paylaşmak için yine beni seçti. Bir gece kütük gibi sarhoş olup kapıma dayandı, ciğerleri çıkarcasına ağlarken olan biteni anlattı. ‘’Yardım et Chanyeol,’’ dedi, ıslak yüzü dizlerime kapanmış yalvararak. ‘’Jongin’i kaybedemem ama onu aldatmış olmayı da yediremiyorum. Ne olursun yardım et.’’

Doğru andı. Aklımı başıma toplayıp karşına dikilmek ve işlediğin sayısız günahın bedelini ödetmek için karşıma çıkan en doğru andı. Yapacak savunman yoktu, kaçacak yerin yoktu, o veya bu şekilde kandırabileceğin kimse yoktu etrafında. Yine de senin sadık enayin olmaya devam ettim. Sehun’a onu anladığımla ilgili telkinler verdim, Jongin’e söylememesi konusunda tembihledim. Ama, kötülüğünün dehşeti dudak uçuklatacak seviyeye ulaştığından çok sarsılmıştım. Biraz da… Kıskanmıştım. Diğerleri gibi değil. Seni her zaman başkalarının nazarından, Yixing’in varlığından bile kıskanıyordum fakat bu seferki ötekilere benzemiyor. Bu defa, beni Yixing kadar değerli görmediğin için, onu düşündüğün kadar beni düşünmediğin içindi.

Saçma. Pekala farkındayım. Sonuçta ben aldatılan değil aldatırken kullandığın adamım, suç ortağınım ama beni Yixing’le aynı kefeye sokan etmenlerin de olduğunu inkar edemezsin. Ben de çok aşıktım, ben de senden vazgeçemiyordum ve ben de sen tarafından kullanılıyordum. Yixing bilmeden seni paylaşıyorsa da ben göz göre göre yaparak fazladan acı bile çekiyordum. Yixing senin aşkına sahipti, yüreği dağlanmış bense acımana bile layık görülmemiştim. Hâlâ görünmezdim. Hamle yapmaya karar verdim. Yixing’in aşkıyla çirkinleşebileceğin seviyeyi görünce benim de payıma düşsün istedim ve seni kıskandırmaya çalıştım. Ofisten arkadaşım, kibarca reddettiğim flörtöz girişimlerin kaynağı Minseok sayesinde başarılı da oldum.

Yanınıza kolumda biriyle gelmemi beklemiyordun. Beni yalnız, sefalet bir biçimde karşılamaya alışmıştın. Minseok ve Yixing yanımızdayken masanın altından oramı buramı elleyerek kendini hatırlatman da bu yüzdendi. Baştan çıkarıcı dokunuşların kime ait olduğumun, kimin için yandığımın ince bir hatırlatıcısıydı. Hiç unutmasam da geri adım atmadım. Narin parmakların altında erimedim. Kolum Minseok’un omuzlarındayken gözbebeklerinde parlayan hırsını zevkle izledim. Bildiğin gerçeği yeniden itiraf etmeliyim, Minseok’la ilişkimi de aynı sebepten ilerlettim. Sonunda senden bir tepki alabilmiş, ilk kez görünür olabilmiştim. 

Sahiden çok acı… Yıllarca beslediğim saf duygular veyahut da benden faydalandığın sürüsüne bereket fırsatın hiçbiriyle dikkatini çekemeyip de başka bir çift gözün dikkatini çektiğim an bakmaya değer bulunmam… gurur kırıcı. Gurur kırıcı yanını senden bulaşan kötücül, çıkarcı hislerimin büyük bir çukurda kül edeceği kadar da harlayıcı. 

Beni Minseok’tan kıskanman… Sahiden, Baekhyun, eğer böyle basit numaraların insanı olduğunu bilseydim en başında kalbimdeki aşkına sadık kalmaz, birileriyle flörtleşir, hiç olmazsa kendimi senden gelecek ödül mamasını bekleyen sadık bir köpek yavrusu gibi hissetmezdim. Sen, benim sana duyduğum sadakati de hak etmiyordun. Kaybettikten sonra birinin olası her şartta sana bağlı kalabilmesinin değerini anladın. Üstelik Yixing ve Sehun’a yaşattığın geceyle de bu bağlılığa yalnızca ben cephesinde sahip olduğunu tasdikledin. Ama çok geçti çünkü ben, seni kışkırtmanın yolunu bulmuştum bir kere.

Minseok’la takılmam, toplu buluşmalara onunla gelmem, sosyal medyada paylaştığım birkaç gönderi ya da bana aldığı bilekliği takmam… Hatta Minseok için zar zor ayarladığın ‘’özel buluşmalarımızı’’ ekmem… Minseok’un güzel yüzü ve cesurca yaptığı kombinleriyle dikkat çekmesi, övgüler alması… Bayağı hoş çocuk ya Minseok, bir de senin bocaladığın, Yixing ve ben yüzünden kırılmaz kabuğun olan özgüvenine çizikler aldığın döneme denk gelince, Sehun da Jongin’le bozulmadan devam edince... En büyük rakibin olup çıktı. Aynadakinin hinliğine bakmadan faturayı Minseok’a kestin, tilkilerinin masasına ana yemek yaptın.

Hakikati saklamaya çalışmak manasız, feci hoşuma gidiyordu kıskanç hallerin. Minseok şu durumda kusur bulmaya haya edeceğim karakteri ve güzelliğiyle yanımda dikilirken bana ışık olmuş da varlığımı nazarında aydınlatmış gibiydi. Artık senin için görünür olmuştum. Peşinde koşan Chanyeol değildim artık. Başkalarının da istediği hatta senin olduğunu kimseye söyleyemeyeceğin için yalnızca Minseok’un sayılan Chanyeol’düm. Oyuncağı elinden alınmış, hayli de şımartılmış bir çocuk misali çıldırıyordun ama sesini çıkaramıyordun. Pasif agresif tavırlara başvurmak zorunda kaldın. Üstü kapaklı laf çarpıtmalar, aklımı karıştırma yöntemlerinden biri olan belli belirsiz temaslar, baş başa kaldığımız ihtiras dolu anlarımızda sergilediğin sahiplenici hareketler… Yine de her seferinde Minseok’a yeniden dönüyor olmam egona vurulan en sağlam darbeydi. Yixing’in sen yerine Sehun’u beğenmesinden bile daha büyük bir darbe çünkü sen bu darbeyi hiç beklemediğin yerden almıştın: Hayatında olduğunu fark etmediğin Park Chanyeol’den.

Sen, beni hayatında yalnızca bir kere gördün, Baekhyun. O da başkası sayesinde oldu.

Beni kazanmak, daha evvel tenezzül dahi etmediğin ancak denediğinde ne denli zor olduğunu anladığın bir mücadeleydi. Kaybetmemiştin, hiçbir zaman iplerim ellerinden tam manasıyla kopmamıştı ama birlikte geçirdiğimiz yıllar boyunca da hiç bu kadar gevşek olmamışlardı. Talihsiz yanı, senin kontrol edebildiğin bir mesafe değildi bu. Başaramamanın körüklediği hırsınla yıllardır bir çöp kadar değersiz olan beni, isminden başka bir şey sayıklayamayan bir kukla olduğum halime döndürmek için Yixing’i bile boşlamaya başlamıştın ama yapamıyordun. Artık parmaklarını hareket ettiremeyeceğin raddeye gelecek kadar ellerine doladığın iplerimin uzunluğu, bir türlü bana ulaşabileceğin kadar kısalmıyordu.

Yixing de afallamıştı tabii. Bense hazla kendimden geçiyordum. Yixing’in yanında olmamızı umursamadan açık seçik gösterdiğin ilgiden, benimle birkaç saat fazla geçirmek için onu ekmenden ya da senden istediği ilgiyi bana verebilesin diye uydurduğun yalanlardan öyle zevk alıyor, lanet kibrimi öyle besliyordum ki… Sanki dünyaya hükmeden bir kralmışım gibi hissediyordum. O sıralar yapamayacağım hiçbir şey yoktu. Herkesi yenmeye gücüm olmasa da inancım vardı. Senin ilgin, senin gözlerin… Biz fanilerce sahip olanın aklını tahmin edemeyeceğin şekillerde bulandıracak etmenler, Baekhyun. Biliyorsun.

Ben bırak gecemi, gündüzüme ve mevcut benliğimin her bir zerresine zuhur etmiş rüyanda kendimi kaybetmiş, Minseok’un tertemiz niyetlerle sunduğu hoşlantısı ruhumu temizler ve senin kirli ellerin bıkıp usanmadan kirletirken arada dengeyi bulduğumu sanıyor, ilerisini düşünmüyordum. Neden bununla kendimi yoracaktım ki? Piyon değildim sonuçta. Oyunun ödülü bendim. Kazanana altın tepside sunulacak, değerli ve arzulanan kupaydım ben. Neden geleceği düşünerek olumsuz ihtimallerle göğsümü kabartan bu ‘’değer’’i yok edecektim? Ama yapmalıydım. Biri, özellikle de yüzüne baktığımda karşılaşmaktan korkacağım biri üzerime bir kova su atarak kaplandığım sahte yaldızı bedenimden akıtmadan, altta yatan ucuz maddeyi ortaya çıkarmadan evvel düşünüp önlem almalıydım. Yapmadım, bu hatamla da acısını çekerek yüzleştim.

Minseok’tu görmekten korktuğum yüz. Seninki olmasını beklerdin muhtemelen. Sehun, yalan söylemesini sağladığım Jongin, beni arkadaşı sayan Yixing yahut işlediğimiz günahla artık oturup sohbet etmekten utanacağım grubumuzun diğer üyeleri. Hiçbiriniz değildiniz çünkü bana ya da diğerlerine yapılmış bir yamuğunuz olsun veya olmasın, ne kadar hicap da duysam kaşarlanmıştım. Sizlerin kötülük seviyesiyle alakası yoktu, sadece senin ilginin sahibi olmak yüzleşmeyi kolaylaştırıyordu. Belki de çevremizden birinin öğrenmesi durumunda yalnız olmayacağıma, seninle beraber hüküm giyeceğime güveniyordum ama Minseok için öyle değildi. Minseok’u gruba da diğerlerinin hayatına da ben sokmuştum. Haliyle Minseok’un hesap soracak benden başka kimsesi yoktu.

Keşke… Keşke öğle vakti kapıma dayandığında birkaç yumruk atsaydı, diyorum. İkimizi gizlice bastığı bar tuvaletinde direkt yanımıza gelip beni bir güzel benzetmeyi seçseydi de bayağı memnun kalırdım. Günlerce susup üzüntüden kendini yiyip bitirmek yerine öfkesini benden çıkarsaydı, evime geldiğinde bile nezaket çizgisinden şaşmayan kibar karakterini bir yana bırakıp ağzıma sıçsaydı vicdanım daha az sızlardı. Ama Minseok… Bizim pis zihniyetlerimizin alamayacağı bir saflıkta yetiştirmiş kendini. Evime geldi, sakince oturarak olan biteni anlattı. Nasıl etkilendiğinden ve hatta suçu kendinde aradığından da bahsetti. Sonradan doğru sonuca vararak tüm kabahatin bizde olduğuna kanaat getirmiş elbet, ama ifade ederken seçtiği kelimeler… Uyandım, Baekhyun. Minseok bana ‘’Onu seviyorsun, Chanyeol, bu çok bariz. Ama hayatınızdaki kimse için doğru olanı yapmıyorsunuz.’’ dediğinde adeta bir kabustan uyanıyormuş gibi kendime geldim. Minseok benimle ilişkisini kökünden kesmek istediğini beyan etmesinin hemen ardından, aynı anlayışlı sesiyle ‘’Aşk masum bir duygudur. Sizin onu yaşama biçiminiz pek öyle görünmüyor. Aşkınızın arkasında durmak istiyorsanız bunu duygularınıza yaraşır biçimde yapın.’’ diyerek parmaklarına bağlı iplerimi kökünden kesti.

Beynimin zaten bildiği gerçekleri başkasından duymak değildi bence etkili olan. Beni esas etkileyen şey bu çarpıcı cümlelerin masum birinin, gerçek iyi niyet sahibi birinin ağzından dökülmesiydi. Minseok’u haksız yere üzmüştüm. Sen ve ben, başımıza gelecek musibetlerin sorumlusu olsak da bataklığımıza çektiğim Minseok’un bizim pisliğimizle bir alakası yoktu. Ama yine de karşımda, bulaştığı çamur gönlünün parıltısını kapatmaya yetmemişken tüm hüsran ve zarafetiyle oturuyor, telafi edilemeyecek kadar kırılsa da yollarımız ayrıldığında benim için en iyisini diliyordu. Yaptıklarım, aptallığım, bencilliğim, sayamadığım fakat orada olduğuna yeminler edeceğim her kötü yanımdan utandım. Masum sandığım sana olan bağımlılığımın gerçek bir masumu nasıl etkilediğini gördüğümde utançtan ciğerlerim söndü sanki. Dünya beni bir nefeslik oksijen daha vermeye layık bulmuyormuşçasına nefesim daraldı.

İşte, uyanışım böyle oldu, Baekhyun. Senin, körü körüne taptığım, kendi yarattığım bir puttan ibaret olduğunu idrak edişim Minseok’un yumuşak sözlerinin yanağımda sert bir tokat olarak patlamasıyla vuku buldu. Kurtulmam gereken bir bağımlılıktın sen. Minseok’un yolculamamı beklemeden çıkıp gittiği evimde yankılanan kapı sesi uyarıcı görevi görerek bendeki bir şeyleri tersine çevirdi. Birden, seni görmek bile midemi bulandırmaya başlamıştı.

Bu hissin üzerine gitmedim. Bıraktım, beni rahatsız edebildiği kadar etsin, senden ve kendimden iğrenmemi sağlasın. Vicdan temizlemek diyebilirsin buna ama vicdanım geçen aylarda duyduğum nefrete rağmen bir iğne ucu kadar dahi ferahlamış değil. Şu an sadece Minseok’a karşı ezilip büzülmüyorum. Yixing’e, Sehun’a, Jongin’e, arkadaşlarımıza ve listenin son satırında eğri büğrü yazsam da kendime de mahcubum. Çok yanlış yaptım, çok ayıp ettim. Yıllarımı ve güzel insanları senin uğruna heba ettim. Ama artık bitti.

Bitti, Baekhyun. Bittin. Sen, benim için tamamıyla bittin. Kalbimden atması zor olsan da bittin. Başardım. Kurtuldum senden. Zihnimi meşgul edişin de bu mektup aracılığıyla içimi dökmemle son bulacak çünkü mektubun sonuna geldiğimde, seninle paylaşacak hiçbir şeyim kalmamış olacak. 

Minseok gibi güzel dileklerde bulunmayacağım, sana benzediğimi üst satırlarda birden fazla yerde yazmıştım. Ben, senin için kötülük istiyorum, Baekhyun. Pişman olmanı, başta Yixing olmak üzere tilkilerin masasına kimi yatırdıysa af dilemeni, hiçbirinden merhametle karşılık bulamamanı ve eğer mümkünse yalnız kalmanı istiyorum. Sen yanında yöresinde barınılacak biri değilsin, egon böylesi zehir saçıyorken değil. Bu yüzden yalnız kalmalı, yalnızlığınla imtihan olmalısın.

Ama buna ben karar veremem, değil mi? Defalarca zikrettiğim üç ismin yaptıklarını öğrendiğinde ardlarına bakmadan gideceklerine şüphem olmasa da Kyungsoo ve Jongdae’nin yumuşak yanları için kesin konuşamıyorum. Eh, birilerini zehirlerken insaflı davranmışsın ya da sen de hâlâ biraz sevgiyi hak ediyorsundur. Evet, hak ediyor olabilirsin. Sonuçta, kullanılıp atılması bir yana, diğerlerini kandırmanda sana yardım eden ben de şu an bir nebze sevgi için aranıyorsam… Dönüştürmene izin verdiğim adam olarak hak etmesem de, uyanmış ve teşbihte hata olmasın, yeniden doğmuş Chanyeol olarak hak ediyorum.

İnsan açgözlü ve ahmak, değil mi Baekhyun? Başkalarında sebep olduğu tonlarca yıkıma aldırmadan kendi kalbinde ufak kıpırtılar isteyebiliyor. İnsan unutkan, insan utanmaz… İnsan gerçekten arlanmaz. 

İnsanların kusurlarını kişiliğinde nasıl muhafaza edip besliyorsan, bunları da öyle biliyorsun ama artık benim için senin ve bilip görmezden geldiklerinin zerre kadar önemi kalmadı.

Senden, düşüncelerinden, bedeninin hülyasından, ruhunun kirinden… Özgürüm.

Hor kullandığın eski kuklan,

Park Chanyeol

___________________

‘’Ne yapıyor? Yine o mektubu okuyor, değil mi?’’ dedi Haerin pastanın üstüne kuruladığı çilekleri dizerken. Mutfağa henüz girmiş kardeşi Eunjung’dan kafa sallamasıyla onay aldığında ufak bir iç geçirdi.

Eunjung ablasının çalıştığı masadan bir sandalye çekip oturdu, kasedeki çileklere uzanırken mırıldandı. ‘’Kim bilir sabahtan beri kaçıncı okuyuşu bu?’’ Ablasının eline vurmasına kaşlarını çatarak ağzına bir çilek attı. Lokmasını yuttuktan sonra bir süre bekledi. ‘’Kyungsoo amca yine gelmez, değil mi?’’ 

‘’Ne zaman geldiğini gördün ki?’’ Haerin spatula yardımıyla bozduğu kremayı düzeltirken cevapladı. ‘’Yine hediyesini gönderir, her sene aynısını yapıyor.’’ Bu defa iç çeken taraf Eunjung olmuştu.

‘’Keşke oturup görüşmeyi kabul etseler. Ne zaman konusunu açsak duymazdan geliyorlar! Baekhyun amcayı anlıyorum, kazadan sonra travma kalmış olmalı, özellikle şeyden sonra…’’ Eliyle yanağına, Baekhyun’un şimdi yüzündeki aynı noktada ev sahipliğini yaptığı yaraya benzer bir şerit çizdi. ‘’Kimseye görünmek istemeyebilir. Ama Kyungsoo amca vicdansızlık yapıyormuş gibi geliyor bana.’’

Haerin kafasını iki yana salladı. ‘’Bence o sebepten değil.’’ Küçük kardeşinin anlamayan ifadesiyle devam etti. ‘’Daha derin bir şeyler olmalı. Baekhyun amcanın kazasından çok daha derin. Mesela, düşünsene, kaza biz doğmadan çok çok önce yaşanmış ama Baekhyun amca bizim evde kalmayı kabul edeli ne kadar oluyor? Beş sene mi?’’ Spatulayı havaya kaldırıp kardeşine baktı. ‘’Aralarındaki bu kopukluğa sebep olan başka bir şeyler olmalı.’’

‘’Babamdan bile uzak durmak isteyeceği kadar büyük bir kavga...’’ diye sesli düşündü Eunjung. ‘’Cidden, ne yaşanmış olabilir de aralarına kocaman duvarlar örmüşler? Yatağın altındaki fotoğraflarını hatırlıyor musun?’’ Baekhyun’un onlara taşındığı hafta sonu salondaki konsoldan ebeveynlerinin yattığı karyolanın altındaki kutulara kaldırılan çerçeveleri hatırlayıp kafasını salladı Haerin. Babası ve arkadaş grubunun gençlik fotoğrafları ara sıra çarpan özlem dolu bakışlarla yıllarca salonlarında sergilenmişti. ‘’Halbuki omuz omuza gülümsüyorlardı… Kyungsoo amca Baekhyun amcanın boynuna sarılıyordu,’’ Eunjung şimdi dirseğini masaya yaslayıp mırıldandı, ablası da onun cümlesini ‘’Babamın aralarından fırladığı fotoğraf.’’ diyerek bitirdi.

‘’Annem o fotoğrafı gördüğünde ne demişti, biliyor musun?’’ Buzdolabından yeni bir çeşit meyve almak üzere arkasını dönerken sordu, kardeşinin dikkat kesildiğini görmese de biliyordu. ‘’Hatırlarsın belki, Baekhyun amcayı Kyungsoo amcanın elinden kurtarmak için hamle yapan biri vardı orada.’’

‘’Chanyeol amcam mı? Onu tabii ki hatırlıyorum, canım! Chanyeol amcamın kulakları ve upuzun boyu gençken de belli ediyor kendini.’’ Bariz olanı dile getirdiğini sanıyordu ancak elinde birkaç muzla dönen ablasından mimikleriyle ret aldı.

‘’Diğerini diyorum. Bizimkilerin solunda kalıyor, daha kısa olan. Yanağında gamze vardı. Hatta Baekhyun amcam uzanıp onun elini tutmuştu.’’

Eunjung’un kaşları çatıldı. ‘’Neydi adı? Y ile başlıyordu sanırsam… Yi-... Ying miydi?’’

‘’Yixing.’’ diyerek düzeltti kardeşini. Yixing babalarının hayatında geçmiş bir isim olduğundan amca kullanmaya gerek duymamıştı.

‘’Yixing!’’ Parmaklarını şıklattı. ‘’Kazadan sonra Kore’yi terk ederek memleketine dönmemiş miydi o?’’

Haerin tezgaha, muzları soymaya yönelmeden önce kardeşine imalı bir bakış attı. ‘’Belki de kaçtı? Suçlu olduğu için?’’

Eunjung duyduklarıyla şaşırarak yaslandığı masadan hafifçe doğruldu. ‘’Kaçtı mı?’’

‘’Annem dedi ki,’’ Haerin elindeki muz kabuğunu tezgaha bırakıp tam olarak Eunjung’a dönmeden kapıya bir bakış attı. Belini biraz büküp sesini daha da alçaltarak yarattığı gizem havasını arttırdı. ‘’Baekhyun’un Yixing’den şikayetçi olmaması çok garip. Hem de her şey onun suçuyken.’’

Eunjung’un gözleri fal taşı gibi açılmıştı. ‘’Yixing mi yapmış her şeyi?’’ Haberin şok etkisiyle sandalye üzerinde dimdik oturdu, ifadesinde korku açık seçik okunuyordu. ‘’Yani… Baekhyun amcamı merdivenden…’’ Sesi neredeyse bir fısıltı gibi çıkmıştı. Baekhyun’un kazası, duyup da üzülmesine karşın bir önlem olarak evlerinde tabu sayılıyordu. Aslını astarını da bu sebeple hiç soramamışlardı. ‘’Cidden böyle mi olmuş?’’ 

Haerin ikinci muzu alırken omuzlarını silkti. ‘’Anneme sorduğumda ağzından kaçırdığını anlayarak konuyu geçiştirdi, ‘’Kaza anında yanındaydı sadece.’’ dedi ama… Bence öyle. Yoksa neden ülkeyi terk etsin ki? Kaçmış işte.’’

‘’İyi ama… Bizimkiler neden yakalatmamışlar ki?’’ Eunjung’un kaşları çatıldı, kararlılıkla ekledi. ‘’Babam asla yanına bırakmazdı!’’ 

‘’Bence Kyungsoo amca da susmazdı. Hatırlasana, geçen sene, babam işten kovulduğunda Kyungsoo amcayla konuşana kadar tazminatını istemekle uğraşmamakta kesin kararlıydı.’’ Duvara yaslanmış kesme tahtasını indirdi, muzları üzerine yerleştirdi. Bu sırada kaşlarını çatmış, Kyungsoo’nun taklidini yapan kız kardeşinin yüzünü kaçırsa da kalınlaştırdığı ses tonu ve birebir anımsadığı cümleden çıkarmayı başarıp kıkırdadı.

‘’Kim Jongdae! Eğer o parayı almazsan senin ben aklına-’’ Ablasıyla orada bulunmalarından dolayı cümle bitmeden Kyungsoo’nun ağzına kapanan babasının elini taklit ederek kendi sesini boğdu, bir yandan da gülüyordu. Ciddiyetini kazandığında ekledi. ‘’Evet, susmazdı gerçekten. Demek ki Baekhyun amca çok büyük bir yamuk yapmış olmalı. Yine de böyle bir durumda yalnız bırakılır mı?’’

‘’Bilemiyorum…’’ dedi Haerin, masadan meyve bıçağını almak için hamle ederken. ‘’Açıkçası denklemde çok fazla açık var. Babama ve Chanyeol amcaya da mı yamuk yapmış demektir bu? Ya da resimdeki diğerlerine? Baekhyun amca o kadar kötü biri mi ki?’’

‘’Herkes tamam da,’’ Eunjung yine masaya dirseğini yaslamış, çenesini de avuç içine konumlandırarak hülyalı hülyalı buzdolabını izlemeye başlamıştı. ‘’O yakışıklı oğlana da yamuk yapmazsın ya!’’

Haerin yarı güler yarı şaşırmış bir ifadeyle kardeşine döndü. ‘’Şapşal!’’ derken nefesinin altından kıkırdıyordu. ‘’Hafta sonu Sehun amcanın düğün davetiyesini aldık ya, haberin yok mu? Senin imkânsız aşkın artık başkasının,’’ Yalancı bir yas havası takındı. ‘’Üzgünüm…’’

‘’Saçmalıyorsun! Hani aşka küsmüştü Sehun?’’ Hararetle yaptığı savunması ablasının ‘’Sehun AMCA!’’ düzeltmesiyle bölünürken umursamadı. ‘’Ben küçükken babama onunla evlenmek istediğim için ağladığımda ‘O aşka küstüğü için kimseyle evlenemez, kızım, sen başka biriyle evlenirsin.’ demişti bana!’’

‘’Esmer olan var ya, Sehun amcayla birlikte kareli gömlek giyen, Jongin amca. Sehun amcamı affetmiş. İki senedir sevgililermiş zaten ama annemler bize söyleme gereği duymamışlar.’’ Kardeşine küçümser bir bakış attı. ‘’Belli ki sen yine ağlama diye.’’

Eunjung kollarını birbirine kavuşturdu. imkânsız ilk aşkını kaybetmiş olduğu gerçeği onda garip bir huysuzluğa yol açmıştı. ‘’Hayır, belli ki çok da ciddi bir ilişki olmadığı için.’’

‘’Evleniyorlar!’’ Eunjung, arkası dönük ablasının göz devirdiğini bu tek kelimenin söyleniş biçiminden anlayabiliyordu. Yine de neden yaptığını bilmediği savunmasını sürdürdü. ‘’Ee? Ciddi olsalardı barışmalarını hep beraber kutlardık! Bak annemin arkadaşlarına, her yeni çiftte upuzun sofralar seriyoruz! Ama ne hikmetse Sehun Jongin’i hiç buraya getirmedi, demek ki ciddi değil’’

‘’Sehun amcanın kendisi gelmiş gibi bir de Jongin amcayı getirmesinden mi söz ediyorsun cidden?’’ Doğramayı bitirdiği muzların üzerinde uzandığı tahtayla masaya adımlayıp eski yerine geçti.

Eunjung, ısrarla yaptığı savunmasında üzerine düşünmeden söylediği ‘’Biz küçükken geliyordu ama!’’ cümlesiyle bir duraksama yaşadı. Beynindeki çarklar hızla döndü, ablasıyla göz göze gelmek için kafasını kaldırdığında Haerin’in de onu beklediğini gördü. ‘’Baekhyun amca bizimle yaşamaya başladığından beri gelmiyor…’’

‘’O zaman tüm suçlu o!’’ İstemsizce yükselttiği sesiyle refleks olarak kapıya baktı, sonra normal desibeline inerek devam etti. ‘’Sorun kesinlikle Baekhyun amcada olmalı, herkes birden onunla küstüğüne göre.’’

Haerin kardeşi kadar kesin hüküm veremiyordu. Düşündü, bir süre sessiz kaldı. Sonra rahatsızlıkla konuştu. ‘’Ama bakınca… Baekhyun amca mağdur olan değil mi? Merdivenlerden yuvarlandıktan sonra tekerlekli sandalyeye mahkum kalmış, herkes tarafından terk edildiği için senelerce bakımevinde yaşamış, ailesi bile kabul etmemiş onu! Yani…’’

‘’Bizde kalabilirmiş, babam en başından beri söylüyormuş bunu! Baekhyun amca kendi uzak durmuş, demek ki suçunu biliyor!’’ diyerek ısrar etti Eunjung. ‘’Kesinlikle, babamdan bile çekineceği bir kabahat işlemiş olmalı.’’

Pastanın kenarlarına muz dilimlerini yerleştirmek için eğilmişti, kafasını kaldırmadan savını sürdürdü. ‘’Öyleyse babam niye affetsin ki? Kyungsoo amca, Jongin amca, Sehun amca, Chanyeol amca ve Yixing…’’ Saydıkça durumun ona göre absürtlüğünü vurguluyordu. ‘’Hepsini birden kendine düşman edecek kadar büyük bir şey yaptıysa, babam neden affetsin?’’

Eujung tahtadan aldığı bir dilim muzu ağzına attı, çiğnemeden konuştu. ‘’Annemle babamın tanışmasına o vesile olmuş, unuttun mu? Belki o tip bir minnet borcudur? Babam yufka yüreklidir zaten, halini görünce kıyamamıştır.’’

Omuzlarını silkti, kardeşinin ısrarla Baekhyun’u suçlamasına ikna olamıyordu. ‘’Ben hâlâ Yixing’in de bir haltlar karıştırmış olabileceği ihtimali üzerinde duruyorum. O adam boş yere kaçmış olamaz.’’ 

‘’Eh, o halde Chanyeol amca da suçlu! O da herkesten habersiz gitmemiş mi sanki? Tam oalrak nerede yaşadığını bile bilmiyorlar!’’ Eujung’un kendini haklı çıkarmak için ortaya attığı şey, ikisinin de zihninde yeni birer kapıyı aralamıştı. Yixing kaçtıysa, Jongdae’nin yalnızca yılbaşında mail almak suretiyle haberdar olabildiği Chanyeol’ün ondan bir farkı kalıyor muydu?

‘’Ya her şey onun başının altından çıktıysa?’’ Haerin daha kardeşi ona katılmasını takdir edemeden başını iki yana salladı. ‘’İmkânsız, annem hep ondan zavallı diye bahsediyor.’’ Cümlesinin ortasında çalan zille bu defa da kafasıyla dış kapının olduğu tarafı işaret etti. ‘’Bizimkiler gelmiş olmalı.’’

İşareti alan Eujung, hiçbir şey söylemeden kapıya gitti. Kucağında büyük olanın temelini oluşturduğu üç paketlik ufak bir kuleyle dikilen babasının centilmenlik yaparak önden girmesine izin verdiği annesine kısaca sarıldı, babasının elinden paketleri almak için uzandı. ‘’Kyungsoo amca bu sene cömert mi davrandı?’’ dedi merakla, normalde her sene yalnızca bir paket gelir, Baekhyun tarafından açılmazdı.

‘’Yok,’’ dedi kızına gülümseyen Jongdae. ‘’Üstteki küçükler sizin. Üzerinde isimleriniz yazıyor.’’

‘’Bizim mi?’’ Kulak misafiri olmuş Haerin hole çıkan mutfak kapısında göründü, açıklama ona bir öpücük verip pastanın durumunu kontrol etmek için mutfağa giren annesinden geldi. ‘’Dönüşte Minseok amcanlarla bir kahve içtik. Junmyeon amcanla Amerika’ya gitmişlerdi, biliyorsunuz, size de birer armağan getirmişler.’’

Eujung’un yüzü kocaman bir sırıtışla aydınlandı, Baekhyun’un hediyesini konsola bırakıp iki küçük paketle mutfağa koştu. ‘’Sizden sonra en sevdiğim çift, yahu! Hiç bizi unutmuyorlar!’’ Paketi yırtarcasına açarken peşinden giren babası ve annesine hitaben söyledi.

Kızının heyecanına kıkırdayan Jongdae uzanıp saçlarını karıştırdı. ‘’Junmyeon amcana kök söktürdüğünüz için olabilir mi acaba? Size kendini sevdirmişken unutturmak istemiyor.’’ 

Kendi paketini açmak için yıkadığı ellerini kurulayan Haerin ufak bir kahkaha attı. ‘’Minseok amca konusundaki hassasiyetimin arkasındayım. Kendisi en yakın arkadaşlarım listesinde ilk beşteki yerini koruyor.’’

‘’O da bir şey mi? Benim ilk üçte!’’ Paketten çıkan son model kulaklığı gördüğünde koskocaman açılan gözlerine ağzından kaçan hayret dolu bir nefes eşlik etti, annesinin ‘’Junmyeon amcan düşünmüş bunu almayı, özellikle belirtmemi istedi.’’ ufak notuyla ‘’Ama sanırım artık Junmyeon amcayla yer değiştirme zamanları geldi.’’ diyerek lafı çevirdi. Mutfak yeniden kahkahalarla şenlendi.

‘’Tatlım, yardıma ihtiyacın var mı?’’ Kulaklıkların yarattığı heyecan dalgası geçtikten sonra Mihee büyük kızına sordu. ‘’Neredeyse bitmiş görünüyor ama,’’ Gerçekten de Haerin son süslemeleri dışında bir şey bırakmamıştı, muzları dizmeye dönerken annesini kibarca reddetti. Onun bu dönüşü Eujung’da ebeveynleri gelmeden önce ettikleri sohbeti anımsatmış olacak ki genç kız henüz oturduğu yerinde kıpırdandı. Bir su içen babasına bir de kahve makinesinin başına geçmiş annesine baktı, dayanamayıp ortaya bir laf attı.

‘’Kyungsoo amca bu sene de gelmeyecek, değil mi? Keşke gelse… Baekhyun amca çok mutlu olurdu bence.’’ Kardeşinin lafı istediği yere getirmeden önce şöyle bir dolandırmayı seçtiğini anlayan Haerin hiç ses çıkarmadı ama babasının annesine attığı bakışı yakalamıştı. 

Mihee kahve makinesiyle uğraşmayı bırakıp eşi yerine cevapladı. ‘’Biz varız ya, Baekhyun amcan bizimle de çok mutlu.’’ Ancak kızını ikna edememişti. Eunjung’un ‘’Hiç sanmıyorum. Mumlarını bile üflemiyor, istisnasız her sene düz bir suratla teşekkür edip odasına çekiliyor. Memnun değil.’’ sözlerine bir bahane bulamayınca eşine devredip kahve makinesinde birkaç tuşa bastı. 

‘’Baekhyun amcan halinden son derece memnun. Sadece…’’ Jongdae bir yudum daha su içti. ‘’Biliyorsunuz işte, bazı sorunları var. Hoşgörülü davranacaktık, unuttunuz mu?’’

‘’Biz de ona iyilik yapmaya çalışıyoruz zaten.’’ diyerek kardeşinin başlattığını devam ettirdi Haerin. ‘’Kalabalık bir doğum günü onu mutlu etmez miydi? Kyungsoo amca lütfedip gelse, eski arkadaşlarını görse? Bence bu değişiklik onun monoton hayatına da biraz neşe katardı.’’

‘’Evet!’’ dedi Eujung, ablasına destek çıkarak. ‘’Baekhyun amcam hep çok yalnız, hep çok suratsız! Kyungsoo amcamla barışmak onu nasıl da rahatlatırdı! Bizim dışımızda da birilerini görmek isteyeceğine eminim.’’

Jongdae derin bir iç çekti, hemen konuşmamak için bardağının dibinde kalan suyunu bitirdi. Yıllardır konuşmaktan kaçındığı konu açılmıştı. Kızlarının artık bunu sorgulayacak yaşa geldiklerini, onlar küçükken yaptığı gibi basit bahanelerle geçiştiremeyeceğini biliyordu. Yine de tam olarak emin değildi. Eşinin gözlerinin içine baktı, herhangi bir onay yahut ret arıyordu. Mihee kafasını çok hafifçe eğerek, belli belirsiz bir onay vermek dışında sessiz kaldı. Jongdae masaya, Eugunj’un karşısına yerleşirken Haerin de muzları dizmeyi bitirmiş, kardeşi gibi babasına pür dikkat kesilmişti.

‘’Baekhyun amcanızın durumu biraz karışık, zaten çoktan sorgulamaya başladınız.’’ Burukça gülümsedi. ‘’Baekhyun amcanız…’’ Doğru kelime tercihi duraksıyor fakat hâlâ tam anlamıyla emin olamıyordu. Mihee’ye çevirdi başını. ‘’Kazazede demek nasıl olur? Aşk kazazedesi?’’

Fincanını eline almış mutfaktan çıkıp eşi ve kızlarını yalnız bırakmaya hazırlanan Mihee, yüzündeki garipser ifadesiyle boş elini Jongdae’nin omuzuna koydu. ‘’Canım, biz ona ‘Kendi etti kendi buldu.’ diyelim.’’

Jongdae salona adımlayan eşini gözleriyle takip ederken derin, sıkıntılı bir iç daha çekti. Doğru söze ne denirdi ki? Kızlara döndüğünde eşinin sözlerini tekrarladı. ‘’Evet, kendi etti kendi buldu.’’

Eujung dudaklarını kendini bir şey söylemekten alıkoyuyormuşçasına büzmüş, ablasına bakıyordu şimdi. Haerin duymasa da bakışın ‘’Sana söylemiştim.’’ demek olduğunu anladı, yine de babasının ağzından dökülmesini bekledi.

‘’Zamanında fazlaca çalkantılı bir aşk hayatı vardı Baekhyun amcanızın.’’ 

‘’Kiminle? Kyungsoo amcayla mı? Oha! Bu yüzden mi görüşmüyorlar artık? Oha!’’ 

Tahmin etme heyecanıyla yükselen Eujung’u elini havada sallayarak sakinleştirdi. Hiç oturup anlatmamış olsa da bu kadar yanlış yorumlanmasını beklemiyordu. ‘’İkisi arkadaş çizgisinden hiç çıkmadılar. Yixing amcanızla sevgililerdi.’’ 

Haerin, tıpkı lafı ona bırakmakta gecikmediği gibi kardeşinin büyüyen gözlerinden kazayla ilgili bir pot kıracağı çıkarımını yapmakta da gecikmedi. ‘’Çin’e taşınan arkadaşın, değil mi? Biz onu tanıma fırsatı bulamadık ama -küçükken tanışmadıysak tabii.’’

‘’Tanışmadınız. Baekhyun’la ayrıldıktan sonra hepimizle iletişimi kesti.’’ Baekhyun’un ihanetini dillendirmekten özellikle kaçınıyordu. Sanki arkadaşının suçundan kendisi utanıyordu. ‘’Onların ayrılığı gruba bomba gibi düştü sayılır.’’

‘’Chanyeol amca da ikisi ayrıldığı için mi kesti hepinizle iletişimi? Sonuçta, o da seninle veya Kyungsoo amcayla görüşmekten kaçınıyor, değil mi? Yanlış mı biliyorum?’’ Haerin daha net cevaplar almak için sorularını doğru seçmeye çabalıyordu ama Eujung’un böyle bir ereği yoktu. Pat diye ‘’Evet, o niye kaçtı? Yoksa kazadan sonra Yixing’le mi kaçtılar?’’ diye sorularını dizdi.

İşin hepten kontrolden çıktığını idrak eden Jongdae yeninden elini havada salladı, pes etmişlikle üçüncü bir nefesi ciğerlerinden saldı. ‘’Chanyeol amcanız kazadan önce gitmiş. Onun gidişiyle de kaza yaşandı.’’ Kızları tarafından yeni bir soru yağmuruna tutulacağını görünce ara vermedi. ‘’Bakın, bir kere söyleyeceğim, tamam mı? Ama ikinizi de peşinen uyarıyorum,’’ Masadaki pastayı işaret etti. ‘’Baekhyun amcanıza bu konuyla ilgili tek bir kelime dahi etmeyeceksiniz. İmalı bakışlar dahil.’’ Kelimelerle ifade etmeseler de ikisinden de söz aldı.

‘’Chanyeol ve Baekhyun… Yasak bir ilişki içerisindeymiş. Baekhyun Yixing’le sevgiliyken.’’ Kızlarının yüzlerinde oluşan şok dalgalarını anbean izledi. ‘’Sonra Chanyeol bir gün artık yapamayacağına karar vermiş, aşkı bitmiş.’’ Minseok ayrıntısını özellikle atlamıştı. Yıllar evvel yeterince dallanıp budaklanmış bu mevzuyu yeniden derinlemesine açmak istemiyordu. Kapatması hayli uzun sürmüştü. ‘’Baekhyun amcanızı bir şey okurken yakaladınız mı bugün? Hani şu her sene okuduğu mektup…’’

Haerin fısıldadı. ‘’Veda mektubu muydu? Chanyeol amcadan?’’

‘’Öyle. Baekhyun Chanyeol’ün onu terk ettiğini öğrenirken Yixing de aynı esnada aldatıldığını öğrenmiş. Mektubu okurken Yixing de yanındaymış, aynı anda okumuşlar resmen.’’ Eujung’un eli, babasının sessizce söyledikleriyle ağzına kapandı. ‘’Kavga çıkmış haliyle.’’

‘’Peki…’’ Haerin büyük bir tereddütle söyledi. Gözleri saatlerdir uğraştığı pastadaydı. Yıllar boyu haline üzüldüğü, içten içe garip bir sevgi beslediği adamın gerçek yüzünü öğreniyor, boşa gitmiş emeklerine bakıyordu. ‘’Yixing mi itmiş onu merdivenlerden?’’

‘’Hayır, hayır.’’ Jongdae düşünmedi bile. ‘’Polis de biz de Yixing’den şüphelendik ama Baekhyun uyandığında her şeyi anlattı. Kavga bayağı hararetliymiş. Baekhyun Chanyeol’e gitmek isterken Yixing durdurmaya çalışmış ve ufak bir arbede yaşanmış. Ama Baekhyun merdivenlerden düştüğünde Yixing’in ona müdahale edemeyecek kadar uzak olduğunu doğruladı.’’

Eujung suçladığı iki adamın suç ortağı olduğunu öğrendiğinde Chanyeol’ün de üzerine eşit miktarda gitmekten geri durmadı. ‘’Chanyeol amca peki? Hiç görmeye gelmedi mi Baekhyun amcamı? Sonuçta o da en az Baekhyun amcam kadar suçluymuş bu işte!’’ 

‘’Chanyeol o gün Japonya’ya gitmiş ama bunu bile bilmiyorduk, ulaşabileceğimiz tüm iletişim kanallarını kapattığı için de gidişinin ardından neler yaşandığını ruhu duymadı. Ancak üç sene sonra, yılbaşı gecesi mail aldığımda öğrendim neler yaptığını. Çok ayrıntı vermese de her sene sürdürdüğü bu gelenekle haberleşiyoruz Chanyeol amcanızla, denk gelmiştiniz birkaç kere.’’

‘’Sonradan söylemedin mi Baekhyun amcanın ne halde olduğunu? Nihayetinde iyileşemedi.’’ Haerin Baekhyun’a kızsa mı üzülmeyi sürdürse mi bilemiyordu, o an için, daha kuvvetli bir mukayese yapmadan öğrenebileceği her şeyi duymaya karar verdi. ‘’Hâlâ kazanın bıraktığı hasarla yaşıyor. Hem fiziksel hem de mental olarak.’’

‘’Aslında düşünüyordum ama ben daha karar veremeden Kyungsoo amcanız da bir mail aldığını haber vermek için beni aradı, tartıştık bu konuyu. O olaylara biraz daha mantık çerçevesinde bakıyor,’’ Jongdae, Kyungsoo ile yaptığı konuşmanın verdiği sıkıntıyı bugün dahi anımsıyordu. Her şey bir yana, vicdan azabı kalmasından endişelenmişti ama Kyungsoo’nun ikilinin yaptıklarına olan sinirine Chanyeol’ün üç sene sonra haber vermeye tenezzül etmesi de eklenince, böyle bir şeyi umursamak gibi bir derdi yoktu.

‘’Söylemediniz mi yani? Biraz acımasızlık değil mi?’’ Eujung konuşurken aklına gelen asıl acımasızın Baekhyun ve Chanyeol olduğu gerçeğini hızla geriye itti. ‘’Seviyorlarmış sonuçta. Artık aşkı bitmiş de olsa bilmek isterdi, değil mi?’’

‘’Onunla ilgili herhangi bir şey duymak istemediği için ülke değiştirmiş ya,’’ Haerin’in yorumu Jongdae’nin o yılbaşında Kyungsoo’dan duyduğuna çok benziyordu.

‘’Kyungsoo amcan da böyle düşünüyordu.’’ Ayrıca eklediği ‘’O şerefsiz de yeterince şey saklamış. Yixing’den başlayıp Jongin’e kadar hepimizi ayakta uyutmuşlar. Hak ediyorlar.’’ yorumunu da kendine saklamayı tercih etti. Kızlarına gereğinden fazla ayrıntı vermekten mümkün olduğunca kaçınacaktı çünkü bu hikaye, bir babanın evlatlarına anlatmak istemeyeceği kadar çirkinlik barındırıyordu.

Haerin hâlâ pastayı izliyordu. ‘’İyi ki doğdun Baekhyun!’’ yazmak için boş bıraktığı orta kısmı gözleriyle dolduruyormuş gibiydi. Tıpkı kardeşi gibi şaşkındı. ‘’Kyungsoo amcayı anlayabiliyorum. Ben de böyle bir arkadaşla görüşmek istemezdim.’’

Ablasının sessiz yorumuna anında katılan Eujung ‘’Değil mi?! Ben hediyesini bile göndermezdim. Sahi, baba, siz niye arkadaş kalmaya devam ettiniz ki?’’ diyerek sorguladı. Neden evlerinde kaldığını sormanın kabalık olacağını düşündüğünden o soruyu atlamıştı.

Bunun geleceğini bilen Jongdae’nin omuzları çöktü. Kızlarının şu an yaptığından tonlarca kat daha şiddetli bir beyin fırtınasına tutulmuştu zamanında. Aklen ve vicdanen rahata ereceği yolu seçmek için çırpınmıştı. ‘’Baekhyun amcanız yalnızca bu olaydan ibaret değil, kızlar. Gönül meselelerinde berbat biri olabilir ama Kyungsoo ve benimle olan arkadaşlığında gayet uyumlu ve sorunsuzdu.’’ 

‘’Tüm grubu dağıtmış!’’ diye ısrar etti Eujung. Haerin de omuzlarını silkti, babasına baktı. ‘’Yani, baba, seninle bir sorunu olmaması yaptıklarını örter mi? Ne kadar kötü biri olduğu gerçeğini değiştirir mi?’’

Jongdae ve Kyungsoo da bunu epeyce düşünmüştü elbette. Bu, üç aşamalı bir karardı. Baekhyun yoğun bakımdayken, hastanedeyken ve bakımevine geçtiğinde olmak üzere üç kere daldığı düşünce girdaplarında aklı ve vicdanı arasında parçalara ayrılmış, bocalasa da vicdanının sesini susturamamıştı. ‘’Yoğun bakıma alındığında pek bir seçenek hakkımız yoktu doğrusu. O, yarattığı kaostan habersiz uyurken bütün arkadaş grubumuz belki Sehun ve Jongin gibi on beş sene sonra barışmak, belki bir daha yüzlerimizi bile görmemek üzere parçalanıyordu.’’ Açıklamaya en başından başlarken yanlışlıkla ağzından kaçan ayrıntıları fark etmedi. ‘’Kyungsoo ve ben kime sırtımızı döneceğiz diye düşünmedik hiç. Bir yanda yaralanan diğerleri, öte yanda cezasını çeker gibi gerçek yaralarla yatan Baekhyun… Sonra da-’’

‘’Jongin ve Sehun amca ne alaka ki? Onlar neden ayrıldılar?’’ Eujung’un keskin dikkatiyle kalakalan Jongdae bir süre susmak zorundaydı. Eşini yanında istiyordu… Bu konuşmayı tek başına yapmak pek de mantıklı gelmiyordu şimdi. ‘’Durumdan onlar da etkilendi. Halihazırda sorunları da varmış, çok sorgulayamadık.’’ diyerek beyaz bir yalan söyledi. ‘’Sonradan Baekhyun’a ne olacağına yoğunlaştık hem. Biliyorsunuz, bakıma ihtiyacı vardı. Ailesiyle de kalamazdı.’’ Bununla ilgili de soru geleceğini bildiğinden ekledi. ‘’Gençken reddedilmiş, üniversiteye başlamadan.’’

‘’Sehun ve Jongin amca da arkadaşlarıydı ama sırt çevirmeyi seçmişler.’’ Haerin belirli bir noktaya parmak basma ihtiyacı duymuştu. Alttan alta babasının neden bu arkadaşlığa bu kadar tutunduğunu sorgulayan bir beyan cümlesi.

Eujung kollarını birbirine kavuşturdu. ‘’Ben artık Baekhyun amcanın doğum gününü kutlamak istemiyorum.’’ İşte, Jongdae’nin beklediği sonuç da yaşanmıştı. Haerin’e baktı, genç kızın durgunluğundan onun da hevesinin kaçtığı okunuyordu. Aralanan sır perdeleriyle birlikte kızların gözünde Baekhyun’un imajı yerle bir olmuş, yeni tanıdıkları amcalarını ise hiç sevmemişlerdi. Jongdae onlara hak verebiliyordu. Sonuçta, tüm geçmişlerine rağmen kendi bile Baekhyun’u kabullenmekte zorluk çekmişti.

‘’Bakın, Baekhyun amcanız sandığınız kadar kötü biri değil.’’ Alyansını parmağında çevirdi. ‘’Annenizle tanışmamıza vesile olan kişi oydu. Mihee’yi sevdiğimi ilk ona itiraf edebildim ben, hatta aramızı yapan da Baekhyun’du.’’ Kızların şaşkınlığı yeni bir boyut kazanıyordu, fırsattan istifade devam etti. ‘’Kazadan sonra, yürüyemeyeceğini öğrendiğinde biz yeni evliydik. Borç batağındaydık haliyle ve Baekhyun amcanız ne yaptı, biliyor musunuz?’’ Etkiyi arttırmak için kısa bir mola verdi. ‘’Bankadaki parasını kullanarak kendine bir bakımevi bulmamı rica etti ve evini bana devretmek istedi.’’

Oturdukları, büyüdükleri evin iki katlı olması kızların beyninde bir şimşek gibi çaktı, gerçekleşmesini istemedikleri bir tahmindi. ‘’Bu ev mi?’’ Haerin derince çatılmış kaşlarıyla doğrulamak için adım atan kişi oldu, babasının ağır ağır salladığı kafası dehşetlerini katladı. 

‘’Baekhyun amcam bizim merdivenlerden mi yuvarlandı?’’ Eujung’un ağzı bir karış açık kalmıştı. ‘’Salondaki merdivenlerden?’’ Jongdae yeniden kafasını kullandı. 

‘’Ve odasından her çıktığında o vahşeti yaşadığı yerle karşılaşıyor...’’ Haerin’in fısıltısı söylenebilecek tüm cümleleri yutmuştu. Baekhyun’u tekrar olay yerine getirmenin sonuçları Jongdae tarafından da hesaba katılmıştı ama imkânları dahilinde arkadaşına daha iyi bir yaşam sunabilmek için bu riski almak zorunda kalmıştı. Kızların, özellikle de Haerin’in düşünceleri başka şekillere bürünüyordu. Sessizliğe yeni bir fısıltı ekleyen de Haerin oldu. ‘’Demek ki bu sebeple odasından hiç çıkmıyor...’’

‘’Pişmanlıktan kendini cezalandırıyor da olabilir.’’ Eujung’un yapmaya tereddüt ettiği bir tahmindi. Ablasının duygusal yaklaşımına acımasız bir bakış açısı katmış gibi hissetse de babası ona katıldı.

‘’Öyle,’’ dedi Jongdae. ‘’Baekhyun amcanız pişman ve kendini hayattan izole ederek cezalandırıyor.’’

‘’Chanyeol amca da gününü gün ediyor, öyle mi? Hah! Ne acımasızlık!’’ Eujung öfkesini sadece Chanyeol’e yöneltti. ‘’Arkasında bıraktığı yaralardan haberi bile yokken gönül ferahlığıyla yaşıyor.’’ Sesinde Baekhyun yerine duyduğu kin vardı.

‘’Gerçekten.’’ Haerin de kardeşinin kinine ortak oldu. ‘’Baekhyun amca on beş senedir yaptıklarının buhranıyla yaşıyor. Yürüyemiyor bile!’’ Baekhyun’un yaşadığı hayat ve sahip olduğu engel, vicdanlarınca yaptıklarının karşılığı olarak sayılmış ve bir tık yargı indirimine sebep olmuştu. ‘’Ama Chanyeol amca ne yapıyor? Japonya’da kurduğu yeni hayatında hepimizden çok mutludur belki de.’’

‘’Bazen…’’ Jongdae kızlarını yatıştıracak bir yanıt verebilmek için düşünüyordu ama ne diyebilirdi ki? Yaşamış ve kendi yollarına ayrılmışlardı. Yargıları da bizzat kendileri tarafından kimseye bırakılmadan halledilmişti. ‘’Yaşantılar ortak olabilir ama sonuçlar herkes için aynı olamaz, değil mi? Chanyeol amcanız mutlu olduğunu falan söylemiyor ayrıca. Yaşadığını ve sağlıklı olduğunu yazıyor.’’

Kızların ikisi de ikna olmamıştı. Genç yaşlarının verdiği toylukla daha somut, daha belirgin sonuçlar görmek istiyorlardı. Chanyeol’ün de Baekhyun gibi fiziksel ya da mental, günahlarının karşılığına tabi tutulduğunu görmek istiyorlardı. Eujung burnundan hoşnutsuzluğunu belirten bir nefes koyuverdi, Haerin sözlü ifade etmeyi seçti. ‘’İşte, sorun da bu. Yaşıyor ve sağlıklı olduğunu yazabiliyor. Baekhyun amcamsa tam on beş yıldır tekerlekli sandalyeyle dolaşıyor!’’ 

Jongdae hafifçe omuzlarını kaldırdı. ‘’Ne diyebilirim ki? Chanyeol’ün hayatı hakkında cidden pek bir şey bilmiyorum. Baekhyun’dan daha kötü bir durumda da olabilir, değil mi? Bilemeyiz.’’

‘’Neden daha fazla ayrıntı istemedin ki? Biraz ısrarla dili çözülürdü bence, sayfalarca mektup yazmış zamanında, sana da yazardı bir şeyler.’’ Eujung huysuzca mırıldandı. Her geçen saniye Chanyeol’e daha fazla kuruluyordu.

Jongdae kızının yorumuna burukça gülmeden edemedi. ‘’O mektup da kalp kırıklıklarının ve aslında hayli zorla atlatılmış bir sürecin eseri, kızlar. Veda mektubu sonuçta. Chanyeol amcanız da kimi savaşlar vermiş ki böyle bir sonuca ulaşmış.’’ Bir baba olarak öğüt cümlelerini de araya sıkıştırmadan edemedi.  ‘’Yaşanmışlıkların birikimi sonumuzu hazırlar, unutmayın. Herkes hayata ne katarsa er ya da geç, onunla mutlaka yüzleşir.’’

‘’Chanyeol amca yüzleşmişe benzemiyor ama,’’ Haerin yargısının arkasında durdu. Baekhyun’un görmekten hiç hoşlanmadığı yüzüne karşın bir tarafın kendini böylesi sıyırmış olmasından da hoşlanmamıştı. ‘’Bir korkak gibi her şey açığa çıktığında kaçmış. Baekhyun amcamı herkese karşı tek bırakmış.’’

‘’Hak ettim,’’ Mutfak kapısından gelen sakin, ruhsuz sesle üçünün de ödü koptu. Gelişini büyük bir dalgınlıkla sezemedikleri ve yakalanmanın utancı ve paniğiyle yüzüne bakmaktan başka bir şey yapamadıkları Baekhyun, tekerlekli sandalyesinde düz bir ifadeyle üçlüye bakıyordu. Odasından çıkışını da, onları ne kadar süredir dinlediğini de kestiremiyorlardı ama belli ki sohbetin konusunu ve gidişatını anlamıştı. 

Jongdae anında ayaklandı, ‘’Baekhyun? Bir şeye mi ihtiyacın vardı? Seslenseydin keşke,’’ diyerek arkadaşının önündeki mahcubiyetini kapamaya çalıştı. Baekhyun’sa ona attığı kısa bir bakış ve yukarı kaldırdığı kaşlarından başka bir cevap vermedi. Şaşkınlıkla dona kalmış, babalarının durumu ele almasını seyreden kızlara döndü.

‘’Sahne ışıklarını seviyordum, tek ve daimi başrol ben olmalıydım.’’ dedi Baekhyun, tek eliyle tekerlekli sandalyesinin küçük kolunu ileri iterek mutfağa girerken. Tavrı kabullenmişlikle sabitti. ‘’Yıllar boyu gölgede kalan Chanyeol de onları tamamen bana bıraktı.’’ *************** selam?? huhhh gerginim ciddo, ne soyleyecegimi cok kestiremiorum su an exo fic yazamayali bayagi bir oluyor. cok kirgindim bu konuda,, ama golgeyle beraber bir laneti daha kirdim !! cok heves ettigim bi ficti, umarim sizin de hosunuza gitmistir her duzyazimin sonun ekliorum buna da ilistireyim -> yapici elestiriye her zaman acigim geri donuslerinizi almaktan cok mutlu olurumm kendinize COKII bakin <3

[chanyeolsbiggestfangirl]

ANNOUNCEMENT

EXO headcanon and drabble requests are now open across all genres (Smut, Angst, Fluff)

Details that are needed to be specified in order for the drabble to be written:

Member's name and the genre

the au or troupe you'd like it to have. eg: non idol au or a best friends to lovers or friends with benefits, etc.

the supposed prompt or storyline or plot you want it to follow

Any other necessary details you'd like me to add would be appreciated in the asks.

You can send me your requests through dms or anonymously.

- Katie

P.S:- Reblogs and comments regarding any doubts are welcome.

[ohhmydyosfics]

(Xiuchen) Dy(e)ing to Tie You Up

For Snow Spark Prompt No: 581

Prompt: Character A was excited to sign up for his new kinky rope-tying class, until he discovered that shibari and shibori are two different things. He wasn't super interested in dying T-shirts... except the instructor was /really/ cute.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38099695

[idreamtofthereaper]

My Dear, September

To the softest, sweetest, most caring, most talented person of them all- Kim Jongdae. EXO wouldn’t be where it is now without this man, happy birthday Kim Jongdae. You deserve all the happiness the world gives you.

Pairings: chen x reader

--

“I feel like I shouldn’t be here.” As you turn to look over your shoulder, your face instantly turned as it you were a dear caught in headlights. 

Standing at the threshold of the kitchen was your husband, his shirt now loosely tucked from his pants and his hair already messed up. Unlike you, his shocked face turned to amused and even somewhat teasing as he saw your reaction. 

“You weren’t supposed to be home for another hour.” You said timidly, turning to face him fully with the mixer still on your hands, some of the contents dripping on the floor. 

Jongdae shrugged, opening the fridge on the side to take a water bottle out. “Sehun and Chanyeol wanted to do a live, our manager made us go home immediately.” Jongdae said, a smile on his face as he opened the cap and begin drinking. 

You sighed in defeat, turning back around to place the mixer beside the bowl and lean back to the counter. “I thought I still have an hour.” You said before letting out a defeated sigh. 

Jongdae just chuckled at this, going over to you and giving you a kiss, backing away to admire you with the most shinning look, brushing a hair back before giving you another kiss. “Don’t worry, continue what you’re doing. I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything.” 

You whined at his teasing, Jongdae smirking at this before exiting the kitchen. “Tell me if ‘dinner’ is ready.” Jongdae added as he made his way back, turning to give you another look to add some bunny ear motions on the word dinner.

It’s at this moment you knew the Jongdae you met from day one was still here, and doesn’t have any plans on leaving.

[doyoungbunnyagenda]

Atlantis

Mermaid!Reader X Sailor!Jongdae

Genre: A mix of fluff and angst,but with a happy ending.

Length: 7.9k+ (Wow)

Warnings: Mentions of death

A/N: how long has it been since I last posted a fic? Idk anymore but this is finally here! Inspired by The Little Mermaid so get ready for Disney level fluff and angst. Also I’m on mobile so I couldn’t put read more. Once I figure out how I will. Hope you enjoy and sorry for the inconvenience.

All he could see was black, as he floated to the bottom of the ocean. He tried to breathe but it was to no avail. He tried to open his eyes but that was in vain as well. His world had shattered right before his eyes and was about to end as well. His body stopped the fight to try and stay conscious. He fell asleep for what he thought was going to be eternity. This was the end for him. Or so he thought...

You heard the ship crash. You heard the panic, screams and tears. The debris sinking down to the bottom, with the ship that once stood proudly on the seas. Then you saw him. He looked helpless. Shirt ripped and tattered. Blood coated his hands and face. His body descending into the depths of the ocean. You couldn’t leave him like this. Even if you were going against your strict father’s wishes, you wanted to help. Carefully, you gathered him in your arms and swam up to the surface, your purple tail slightly poking out. You laid him on the hot sands and waited for him to wake up. You thought it was maybe too late and he had already kicked the bucket. You had no knowledge on how to revive humans so you just stared at him. His blonde hair damp and all over the place. His eyes shut tight. After sometime, he started to regain his consciousness and awaken. The first thing he saw was your orbs boring deep in his soul, tracing his frame.

“The ship.” He murmured, looking at the sand, “ Where am I?”

He looked at your and saw your tail.

“What are you?!” He said, “Get away from me!” He tried to get up, but staggered down to the sand in pain.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. I’m here to help you, even.” You said in a soft reassuring tone. You gave him a small smile hoping that would calm him as well.

“You’re a mermaid?” He asked, cocking his head to the side slightly.

“ Yes, I am.” You replied

“I still can’t believe it. I’ve met a mermaid.” He said loudly, showing of his bright pearly white smile in the process. You swear that smile could kill a person. It was that infectious.

“I’ve heard bad things about your kind. Like how you are all manipulative cheats and how you are all good for nothing. But you don’t seem to bad.” He explained.

“Same on my side.” You said, “ They say humans are evil and all they want to do to is kill our kind. I’m actually disobeying my father by talking to you. In the mer world any contact with humans is forbidden.” You laughed a bit at your similar situations.

“Jongdae.” He said reaching his hand out.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you Jongdae.” You returned his hand shake.

You enjoyed Jongdae company, finding his loud and quirky personality appealing. Every time he laughed, you ended up laughing. He had this positive energy radiate off of him, you had never felt another mer-person have. You felt with him like you could faced anything. You felt complete with him. You guys just clicked. It was shame when your conversation was interrupted. Someone walked on to the beach and looked in your direction. You quickly hide behind a rock, trying not to be seen.

“Jongdae!” The man shouted, “Look at the state of you! We better get you to a hospital.” He had a sympathetic look expression as he lifted Jongdae up and supported him while walking. Jongdae turned his head round, to see you. He mouthed a silent thank you and walked away from the beach. “Until we meet again.” You hear him quietly say. The sky was now an light orange with the sun slowly sinking down below the sea. You also decided it was getting late to head back home. Diving your head back into the water, you swam back home. On your way someone called your name.

“Y/N, where have you been?” It was your friend Kibum . “I was waiting for you all day.”

He complained. Kibum then saw the smile on your face and knew that something had happened.

“Why are you smiling like that?” He questioned, “What happened?”

You decided to open up to your best friend as you knew you could trust him. He would keep your secret safe for sure.

“I.. Umm saved a human from drowning.” You said wearily.

“Y/N.” He sighed,”Why? You know how much trouble you would be in.”

“But I had to! He was going die if I didn’t!” You tried to argue.

“I just don’t want you to get into trouble. I’ve seen how bad your dad gets when he’s angry.” Kibum voiced his concern. He was always worried for you, which you could always appreciate.

“I know, but he doesn’t have to know.” You said with a hint of mischief.

“Are you implying what I think?”

“ Just please don’t tell anyone,Kibum, please, just for me?” You tried to convince him.

“Fine, you know I can’t resist.” He finally gives in. “ But you have been warned.” He said and swam away. You didn’t see what was so wrong with humans. You saw one up close and he was fine, nice even. You swam back home only to meet your father outside the cave door.

“Would you look at the time.” Your father said sarcastically,”What were you doing, that made you stay out so late?” He knew something was different about your demeanour, you were being skittish and hesitant. “Answer my question!” He demanded. Kibum wasn’t lying when he said your father gets angry quickly. He can go from 1 to 100 in a second, always scaring you. “I’ll give you 5 seconds to answer, if you don’t answer things will become serious.” He threatened you.

“1...... 2.....3......4-“

“ I was with a human, okay!” You said as you tensed up. You thought there was no point trying to hide it anymore, it was better to get it done and over with. Maybe he would understand this time.

“A HUMAN!” Your father shirked, “Out of all the things to do you decide to be with a human!”

“He was going to die, I had no choice!” You retorted.

“Not only did you engage contact with a human but also saving one as well?” Your father said, “Y/N you are such a disappointment, I have done nothing but raise you the best I can and then you go and bring shame to me!”

“No wonder mum left you, she must have felt trapped! Suffocated. You give me no space to breathe. Maybe that’s how she felt as well!” You said in the heat of the moment,with tears pricking your eyes and clouding your vision, not fully processing what would happen next. You mum has rarely been mentioned as she left when you were small. Your dad had never mentioned her, maybe because it hurt to much.

“How dare you disrespect me like that. That’s it go to your room. You’ll be lucky if you ever see the light of day again.” He said coldly, pointing to the door of your room. You knew you had gone to far, but he called you a disappointment. A disappointment, he was crossing the line to. You just silently obeyed his order with a scowl on your face. You swam to your room, once there you finally allowed yourself to cry. You felt as this was injustice, he didn’t even give you chance to explain that Jongdae was a nice person, who meant no harm. Humans weren’t as bad as he thought. Mer-people were no different to humans in your eyes. You wondered if you were the only mermaid to have this point of view. Everyone else around you seemed to despise man kind. You just couldn’t wrap your head around everything. Eventually, you drifted to sleep dreaming of Jongdae, the cute sailor boy you had meet earlier that day and how you yearned to see him again.

Weeks you spent cooped up in your house, no matter how hard you pleased your dad he refused to let you go out. It was miserable. All you could do was stretch your fins and swim around your room. Staying inside also didn’t help your feelings for Jongdae. You hadn’t seen him in days but you fell harder and harder for him. *That smile. That damm smile.* You know it sounds cliché, but you couldn’t help it. He was perfect to you, an absolute angel. You knew your feelings could only lead to bad things, as your father was fuming at you just for taking to him. However, no matter what you’re brain tells you, you will always follow your heart. Your heart wanted Jongdae. Interrupting your reverie, your heard bang on your window, breaking the lock preventing it from opening. You looked outside, only to see Kibum , splashing his yellow tail around.

“What the heck do you think you’re doing!?” You shouted in a low voice as it was late.

“Trying to get you out of that cave,” he replied sarcastically.

“What happened to *you must listen to your father *.” You rolled your eyes.

“Forget about that.”Kibum said,”Anyway I have much more important news to tell you, but you need to be down here for that.”

“Ugh, fine.” You carefully opened the window and left the room you’ve been locked in for weeks. You swam down to the sea bed where Kibum.

“So what did you want to tell me?” You asked in a whisper.

“I know how you can turn human.” He said. “WHAT!” You shouted but quickly covered your mouth soon after. “Turns out it’s not that hard, it’s simple even.”Kibum said. “What do I have to do then.” You said a lot quieter this time. “Turns out all you need to do is walk on land.” He replied. “That really is simple, how did you find out?” You questioned. You were always told that if mer-people stepped on the sand of the other world you would die. Your soul too pure to handle the filth of the human world. “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know, I went to some pretty sketchy places to find out that, perhaps a little bribery as well.” He said slyly. If what Kibum is saying is true, why would they make up this lie. Are they trying to hide something? Is this something we are even supposed to know? Some deep truth locked behind the walls of secrecy for millennia? Of course Kibum was the only one who could get this kind of information. You rolled your eyes and sighed at your friends antics. “Let’s not waste any time and go the surface to try it out.” You said.

The both of you swam up to the shore, feeling the sun’s rays beat down on you. The scorching hot sand against your fingers tips was quite a contrast with the slight chill of the ocean. “The only thing you may have to worry about is the heat. As it human summertime, You’ll have to take more water breaks than usual, but apart from that you’ll be fine.” Kibum explained. “Wait you’re not coming with me?.” You said. “Nah, I rather stay here where it’s cooler, I don’t wanna to deal with heatstroke.” Kibum remarked. “So you are saying that we could die of heatstroke, but still sending me up here!” You exclaimed. “Y/N,honey, I’m doing you a favour here! I saw those *doe* eyes you had after you came back from saving him.” He snapped back,imitating the look on your face. He* did *have a point. You chuckled slightly then looked around the beach. Your eyes found the figure of a man. You looked harder and found it to be Jongdae. He looked much healthier now, his cheeks fuller and blood-free. Scars now replaced the once massive cuts and wounds that adorned his cheek bones and callloused hands. His expression looked lifeless though as he stared out to the seeming never ending ocean. “Kibum, look over there, that’s Jongdae.” You pointed to him, sitting on a rock not that far away from you. “Ooooh, he’s cute, but looks a bit lost, maybe you can cheer him up.” He patted you on the back and signaled you to lie on the sand. You followed his instructions and lifted yourself upon the sand, waiting in anticipation of what might happen. You felt a weird tingling sensation in your tail and you shut your eyes tight, hoping for the best. When you opened them again your shimmering purple tail transformed into a pair of legs. You gasped as you looked down at them, you did still see a few purple scales but you didn’t care. You were now wearing a purple skirt instead. After a few attempts, you managed to stand up and walk.

“Wow, girl you look amazing!” Kibum screamed,” Now go get your man, I’ll be waiting for you when the suns down!” You waved him off, watching him disappear in the aqua sea. It was time to see what these legs could do as you walked over to Jongdae, tripping on the way. You lightly tapped his shoulder, making him turn around and look at you.

“Y/-N...” He stuttered, with a look of pure confusion on his face. “It’s me.” You confirmed with a smile. His expression then turned to once of happiness and bliss as he engulfed you into a hug. “What happened to your tail?” Jongdae said, with his lips curving up in a genuine smile. “I found out how to turn myself human.” You answered. “Why, I liked your tail,” he smirked. “Because I wanted to see you again.” You looked down the ground to try and hide the evident embarrassment on your face. “Don’t look down, your cute when your shy,” He said laughing a bit. That didn’t do anything but worsen your flustered state. Jongdae laughed a bit louder this time and used his hand to lift up your chin so your now facing him. “Are all mermaids this cute?” He gushed and booped your nose. “Hey don’t do that.” you said while covering your nose. He whined and pouted at your defiance. “Why don’t you let me take you around the city? Don’t worry it will be fun.” Jongdae offered.

You accepted quickly and grabbed on to his hand as he lead the both of you out of the beach. Your heart was racing and a shot of adrenaline rushed through you. You knew your dad would kill you but you didn’t care what he had to say any more. You were happy and safe with Jongdae. Even in the short time you had known him in, you know he could never hurt you. If he was really out for you he would have killed you by now, right? But you trusted him and he trusted you. While walking he turned back and looked into your eyes. “Everything all right, you’ve been really quiet back there.” He said concerned. “I’m fine, I’m just excited.” You said with a reassuring smile. “Oh good, I’ll take to a place I know you’ll like.” He replied.

Those eyes that held the galaxy. That stare that caught your attention every time. That smirk that could make anyone feel weak to their knees. That laugh that lights up the earth. You were getting addicted to everything about him. He was the breath of fresh air you needed. A chance to show how adventurous you could be ,without your father’s restrictions. You could finally have fun with your life. Jongdae was the perfect person to let out that side of you to. He was fun and explosive, the type anyone would warn you, to stay away from as they might seem like a bad influence. But Jongdae has this aura that surrounds you and suffocats you in the best way possible. You were intoxicated with Jongdae’s appearance and personality and you couldn’t get enough. You would take any chance to get to know him better and this was your time. But you didn’t get ahead of yourself, knowing he definitely won’t feel the same, or did he?

In the hot midday sun, you and Jongdae walked, hand in hand, down the pavement leading off of the high street. You were to busy looking around in curiosity to notice that you had stopped in front of a store, until Jongdae nudged your shoulder.

“Come inside, i know you’ll love it!” He exclaimed. You were a bit apprehensive about it but you trusted Jongdae and you knew he could never hurt you. He could never have it in him. The man led you into a vast shop filled with shelves upon shelves of books.

“A library!,” you shouted. Jongdae was quick to cover your mouth with his hand and put his fingers on his plush lips, signalling that you should be quiet. You mumbled a quick a sorry in embarrassment. “We have these as well.” You said whisper shouting this time.

You’ve always wanted to learn about the human history and customs but,of course, anything to do with humans is strictly forbidden. You still wondered how Kibum got that book.

“See I knew you’d love this place!” Jongdae said with his smile beaming as bright as sun rays and eyes crinkling into moon crescents.”I guess you’d want to go into the history section. You know to read up about stuff?” He scratched his head. “ Or would you like to read some fiction, I have some good recommendations?”

“History,” you said and let him lead you through the seemingly endless isles of texts and stories. Jongdae gestured his hand towards a certain line of book, saying you should choose some. You stared in awe at the selection of things to read. In the end you decided to reach your hand out and pick a book on the bottom right side. You swiped of the dust on the worn spine and carefully flipped so you could see the front cover. It said “History of the Myth of Sirens”

“What are Sirens?” You questioned Jongdae. “Ahh them....” he looked a bit troubled and hesitant to answer you. “ What are they Jongdae.” You asked a bit more firm this time. He noticeably took a deep breath and continued, “Remember when I told you about how bad the human world think mermaids are. How they are liars and manipulators?”

“Yeah,” You replied,recalling the conversation when you first met Jongdae. “That’s basically what a siren is. It is said that their voice are so beautiful that they can hypnotise even the strongest willed person. Once they have them under their spell, it said that the sirens lure them to their inevitable deaths.” You gasped. “Don’t worry, not many people believe of there existence anymore, anyway you’re living proof that the myth is false.” He tried to reassure you.

“It all sounds so familiar...” you said deep in thought trying to recall the memory. “ I remember, when I was young seeing an older mermaid swim up to the surface. Because I was young and naive I followed her. The girl started to sing to a boat near the shore. A ma-n. He fell out...” your voice fell quiet as the story got harder and harder to tell without bursting into tears. Jongdae quickly came by your side, tugging you into a comforting embrace. You sighed trying to regulate your breathing. “ He-e swam-m towards us.” You felt your tears, as salty as the ocean you came from, trickle down the apples of your cheeks and landing on Jongdae’s shirt. “You don’t have to continue if it’s too hard Y/N. I won’t force you to do anything.” He said softly, his words light like air.

You shook your head building up all the strength you had in your heart to continue. “The girl dragged the man into the water.....” you breathed in,” The next thing I saw was b-blood in the water...” You allowed more of the salty substance to fall down your cheeks. You saw a wet patch on Jongdae’s shirt where all your tears had landed. You rested your head on his chest seeing if his heartbeat could calm you. He soothing rubbed your back as if you were a child. “ When she saw me, she told me not tell anyone, not a single soul.” You said as you looked up at Jongdae. “If she could do that to someone, she could do the same to me or anyone else I know. I was so scared.” You whispered. “Hush now.” He replied, continuing to rub your back. “It’s okay now, I’m here.” “Was I the first person you told that too?” He asked voice still soft.

You nodded your head. “I could never trust that information with someone else. My best friend has a kinda big mouth, he could reveal the secret.” Your expression lightened at the thought of Kibum while you chuckled a bit. Jongdae’s feature’s lifted immediately after He saw you laugh. “And my dad is well my dad, he doesn’t take well to these type of things.” You started to lighten up again and a small smile finally returned to your face. “That’s what I like to see.” Jongdae gushed,” You’re really cute when you smile.” You quickly looked down at your feet in pure embarrassment. It looked like he felt the same way about you but you didn’t want to test your luck. Your heart rate rapidly increased and you soon felt tongue tied. He must have said this to so many other people you thought trying to convince yourself you weren’t special in his eyes.

“I have another story to tell y’know,” you said trying to change the subject. “Okay shoot.” He replied. “We were always told a story about a group of mermen and mermaids who went on the shore and met a human. They never returned.” You continued,” Something about that story always seemed fake to me. It was branded like a fairy tale instead of the fact it was claiming to be. Like a myth.” “Maybe both of our worlds are lying about something to us.” Jongdae added. “We are more similar than we think, only if the people back home think about you and your kind the way I do.“ You remarked.

“Yeah,” He answered his voice a bit rough , a contrast to his normally soft tone, as started into the other direction. His grip tightened your waist as his gaze was fixated in the other direction. You look to your left and saw a man ,who looked a bit older than Jongdae, with dark brown hair and glasses at the end of his nose, scowl at you and walk out of the library. “Who was that?” You pointed at the door he walked out from. “No one special,” he spit coldly. You were taking aback at his sudden chance in demeanour. The once sparkle in his eyes had changed to a look of what seemed like pure spite. “Just hang close to me okay. I don’t what you near people like that. When I talked to him about you, you wouldn’t want to hear what he said.” You nodded, walking out of the store with him.

You were now back outside, walking in the scorching sun. It was at times like this you dearly missed the ocean. How the water felt against your skin and scales. The refreshing salty air and how it felt cool it felt on a hot day like this. Even if you talk bad about it a lot, it’s your home. You were getting tied of walking on land with legs. It could never compare to the thrill of swimming in the ocean. There you were free but here you were... For a lack of better words lost, letting the man you trust so dearly lead you around. You tightly held on to his hand, making sure to try and keep up with his fast pace. But after going through shop after shop you started to feel weak. Your lips were getting dryer and a faint headache you had earlier was becoming almost unbearable. It was getting harder and harder to keep your body up straight. Jongdae saw your face getting paler by the second and decided to sit you down for a rest.

“Y/N, what’s wrong,” he said worry evident on his face. As he got nothing but a few whimpers from you in response, he got more scared. “Are you hungry,sick,tired.?” He pressed. Somehow you managed to feel all of those at once, creating the most horrible feeling you had ever felt. “Thir-“ was all your lips were able to make out before Jongdae quickly completed your sentence. “Thirsty, you’re thirsty!” He exclaimed.”How was I so dumb to not notice.” He put himself down. “Hang in there, okay Y/N.” Like you were glass, he carefully picked your frail body up and made you lay ,face up, in his arms. You could barely remember what happened in the span of time when Jongdae and what’s and and you were in the water. Everything else was just a mindless blur. All you could remember was Jongdae occasionally looking down at you telling you he was sorry and it would be okay, as your body struggled with the fight of consciousness.

You don’t know how long he was running for, but when your legs and face were finally submerged in water again, you felt alive. A familiar tingling was felt in your lower half and your legs were turning back into your beautiful purple tail. You felt strong enough to finally sit up and face the man who saved you. “I’m so so sorry.” He apologised,” Do you feel better now? Do you need anything? I should have noticed the symptom-“ He was about to start a tangent before you cut him off. “Don’t be sorry, I should be the one saying sorry for putting you through that mess. Anyway I’m fine now and if it wasn’t for you who knows what would’ve happened.” You praised him. He smiled sweetly feeling his cheeks getting warmer because of your compliment. “Thanks Y/N. If you are feeling better, would you like to see the fireworks with me today? It’s okay if you want to go home now, but I think it would be really nice to watch as the sun goes down.“ He asked a bit timidly. “Yeah that would be amazing.” You answered, equally as quiet.

“Okay then let’s get a good spot people will start to gather soon.” He said his words full of joy. You noticed the sky was turning an orange colour, with the sun slowly making it’s descent under the sea. Kibum said you should be back by sun down. You decided to make an exception just this time. He wouldn’t mind. You felt the sand between your feet again, as your tail morphed into legs. Jongdae grabbed your hand again, leading up towards the venue above the beach. You guys sat on a table close to the middle giving you the perfect view of the shore line and the aqua waves rolling through.

Waiting for the firework show to start, you guys made small talk going deeper into your lives and up bringing. Even if it had only been less than two days, you guys acted as if you had known each other for years. You and him clicked almost immediately when you first met. You had a chemistry with him that you had never felt with anyone else. Every time he looked at you ,your heart would do flips and your stomach would be filled with butterflies. When you were with him you felt complete, like a he was your missing piece. Were you in love? No, you tried to convince yourself. It was to early, you can’t fall in love in two days. Anyway he was a human, you were a mermaid, you could never be in love. Wasn’t he supposed to kill you by now? You’re head was hurting as everything you ever learnt about him and his kind started not to make sense anymore. It all was so wrong but so right. He completed you in ways no one ever had but he couldn’t be yours. The universe would never allow that. Mum if only you were here to tell me what to do you thought to yourself.

”It’s starting!!” Jongdae squealed excitedly, interrupting your reverie. You looked ahead at the now charcoal-black night sky. Bright orange and red sparks flew into the air, bursting as if they were dying stars. The colours dotted the sky like a constellation. Nothing as breathtaking as this was possible in the ocean. In awe you stared at the display, concentrated on the rise and fall of every firework as it fizzled out into the night sky. Jongdae ,on the other hand, had his gaze fixated on you. The way your eyes lit up when you heard the boom of each explosion. The way your smile shined brighter than any of the fireworks out there. Maybe it was just the light from the show, but he thought you looked stunning. You always looked amazing to him, but today there was something different. He noticed how much he cared for you when you cried earlier today, how protective he was over you. How terrified he was when you almost fainted in his arms. How scared he was to lose you.

He liked you.

It all made sense now. When he didn’t see you for a while after you both first met, something felt empty. He felt cold, maybe it was just him feeling weird after the shipwreck but he felt lifeless. At the time he didn’t realise what he felt, but he does now. He loved you. It had only been a day or two but he had never been so sure about something in all his years of living. But how would he tell you. You were this ethereal goddess to him, while he was just a normal sailor. You deserved the whole universe,he couldn’t offer that. He had nothing while you had everything to offer. You could never love him back or so he thought.

“Y/N,” He said in the softest tone you had ever heard. You looked at his face he looked a bit distraught. “Yes, is anything wrong Jongdae.” You replied worriedly. “Nothing. I’m fine. I mean-“ He deeply inhaled and exhaled before continuing. “When we first met, how did you find me? Did I wash up on shore or did you save me?” “The latter. You reminded me of that man, I couldn’t let the same thing that happened happen again. I was older so I could do something this time. I didn’t know your exact condition but I think you blacked out.” You finally told him. “You saved my life...” he whispered looking deeply into your orbs and taking your chin into his calloused hands. You felt your cheeks get warmer at the closeness. His eyes were boring deep into yours, as if they were searching for answer of some sort. “And you saved mine.” You murmured, with all the air left in your lugs.

Without even doing anything Jongdae made you feel breatheless. It was as if time passed slower the longer you stared at him. Your breathing became heavier and more irregular as he started to close the distance between your two faces. “So I returned the favour.” He mumbled into your ear while finally pressing his lips on yours in a sweet kiss. Fireworks flew up in the sky as you kissed back. The moment was magic. What any girl dreams of. You felt as if you were in a fairytale. All of this too good to be true. You felt as if you would soon wake up and face your old reality. But this was your new reality, your new life. You don’t know how you lived before you met him, but now you can’t go on without him.

He slowly pulled away and giggled like a child. “Thanks for everything today.” “I should be saying that, this has truly been one of the best days of my life.” You replied a bit sadly knowing you’d have to go soon. You left poor Kibum waiting a few hours to long. “Someone’s waiting for me back down there, I have to get going,” “It’s alright, may you have the sweetest of dreams.” You smiled at his cheesiness and started to walk back down to the ocean. “Till we meet again my love,” he spoke softly but still loud enough for you to hear as you walked away from him. You divided into the ocean and swam back to the place you last met Kibum. The hole in your heart now filled by the sailor but who had truly won you over.

“Hey Y/N!” Kibum shouted from the sea floor below. “I was getting worried I had sent you to your death up there.” But when he took a look at your face, his tone and demeanour changed from serious to light hearted. “Wait something good happened up there, really good. You have that love sick smile. Tell me~” he whined begging you to explain. “He kissed me Kibum! Kissed me.” You cried happily, helplessly in love. “That’s why you took so long.” He laughed heartily. Everything in that moment felt so perfect, until you remembered your father. You had been gone for a few hours, you sunk out. What if he found out about what you were doing? What would he make of you or Jongdae? A look of horror appeared on your face. “Everything alright?” Kibum asked,a bit taken aback. “My father what about him,does he know about where I’ve been? Did you tell him? What if he found ou-.“ Kibum put a finger on your lips hushing you. “I would never tell him what really happened, do you think I want to die as well?” He stated,”He just thinks you went for a sleepover at mine, he trusts me. Definitely more than he trusts you.” Both of you laughed at the situation, in front of you. “Let’s go to mine where you can tell me everything that happened.” Kibum said and you nodded excitedly, impatient to tell your best friend everything that happened that day.

You spent the rest of the night, talking and acting out your time with Jongdae, how he was so sweet and kind when he talk to you. How he saved your life. Kibum occasionally put in this own thoughts and comments but for the most part stayed quiet, too enraptured in the story to say anything. The night was filled with laughter and gasps of shock. After what felt like hours of messing around, both of you decided to call it a night and let the land of sleep take over your bodies. Jongdae’s words from earlier that day rung in your ears as you drifted into a deep slumber. May you have the sweetest of dreams. And that you did.

Everyday after that one felt as if you started anew. Turned over a new leaf. You couldn’t remember that last time you felt this amount of happiness and contentment. It all felt like a dream. With him was just pure bliss. This was the man you wanted to spent the rest of your days with and with every passing month and changing season, you became more sure of that. Life was perfect. he was perfect. You would change nothing about him. Jongdae complimented your personality so perfectly it was a miracle you even found him in the first place. You were on cloud nine,your heart soaring like a dolphin jumping out of water.

But in your bubble of bliss, you didn’t notice your behaviour changing. Unknown to you, your father noticed your change in mood. You went from just fine to extremely happy. Every time he tried ask what was making you so happy, you became cold and didn’t give a clear answer. At first he wasn’t complaining, he loved to see his little girl so happy. But as you spent more and more time away from home, not returning for weeks at a time, he became extremely worried. Your father wasn’t putting up with Kibum’s subpar excuses anymore. The boy thought he was being slick telling him you had gone to an extra long sleepover with one of your other friends. Yeah right. He Kibum would never give him a decent answer so he decided to find out for himself.

One day when you told him you were leaving, he waited for you to leave the house and then follow you. It quickly became obvious you weren’t going to a friends place. One part of him wanted to call you back down, right this instant but he wanted to see what you would normally do. He was terrified when he saw you swim up to the surface and swim to dry land. He felt as if though he had failed as a father. Everything he had taught went out of your ear, appearing as if though you never listened to him at all. When he saw you run into the arms of a human boy that was what made his blood surge through him. He clenched his fists out of pure anger. How could you deceive him like this. Make him look like a fool, every time you went outside not telling him that you were going to meet the once race he despised the most. His stomach churned when he looked at both of you so content tangled in each other’s arms. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be and he needed to show the both of you that.

“Y/N, what on earth do you think your doing !” He shouted from the water, startling you and Jongdae,turning to face where you father is. When you heard his voice a look of pure horror appeared on your face. All your worst nightmares came true right before your eyes. In your head you cursed Kibum for not trying to hold him off, for at least one more day. “Dad.” You said your voice barely above a whisper, terrified of what he would do to you or Jongdae. “So is that your friend you’ve been seeing for all these months?” He questioned, pointing his finger at Jongdae. Both of stayed quiet, scared to say anything in case you might anger the beast anymore than you already have. “But it’s obviously more than a friendship. I can’t believe you fell for one of those monsters. Out of everyone you just had to pick him ,didn’t you.” He spit enraged. “He will eat you alive, share you with all his friends. He will kill you Y/N. I could never live knowing my only daughter, child at that, would die at the hands of a human. It would kill me.” You finally decided to speak up and say,” I know how you feel dad, that human’s are all evil and trouble. But believe me when I tell you that Jongdae’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met mer or human. He could never hurt me and I’m sure of that.” You saw Jongdae smile at all the sweet things you just said about him but it soon faded when your father started to speak again.

“Y/N do you hear yourself speaking? You don’t realise the amount of shame you have brought on to my name. Don’t you know how bad it sounds to say my daughter’s with a human, we would get ridiculed, outcasted. You’re mother would never have been proud of this.” Your father coldly spit, slowly cutting through your heart with the last sentence. You couldn’t believe he had the nerve to say that about you or her. Your mother always promised to love you no matter what, even when she disappeared. You always remembered her words and kept them close to your heart. Jongdae couldn’t stand to see you be brought down like this so he stood up for you. “Who are you to say. The only wish from any mother is their child happiness. Y/N’s happy with me. If she was a good mother, that should be enough for her.”

“Silence boy.” Your father fumed at Jongdae’s speech. “Y/N I am never to see you near the shore or this monster again. Do I make myself clear?” A few tears escaped from your eyes as you stayed quiet. “I said do I make myself clear?!” He repeated even louder than before. A sorrowful yes came out of your lips before you burst into tears. “I’ll give you to a moment but don’t even think of running off, you don’t know what I’m capable of.” He spat as he disappeared into the ocean.

A waterfall of tears cascaded down your face as you wept away your never ending sadness. Jongdae look distraught having his happiness, his light being torn away from him. “Love, look at me.” He said all colour washed away in his voice. “Nothing is going to stop me being away from you okay.” “Jongdae you don’t get it, I care for your safety,you don’t know what he is capable of. I can’t live knowing you are hurt. It’s best if I stay away.” You sadly told him the truth. “I should’ve known from the beginning,” he stated,”Some as beautiful and as god-like as you couldn’t be mine for a long period of time.” He put himself down. “Don’t say that, you are gorgeous, no matter what you think. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” You tried to reassure him.

“I love you.” He said pulling you into a deeper embrace. You returned the hug saying how much you loved him as well. How you’ll miss this. He quickly pecked your lips in a short but loving kiss. “I’ll miss you Y/N.” He told you meaning every word. “I’ll miss you even more.” You replied,”One day I’ll be back from Atlantis, my love.” ”And I’ll be waiting until the I day die, for your return.” He gave you one last peck on the check and watched as you disappeared into the azure ocean for the last time in god knows how long. Jongdae felt a pang in his chest, knowing that you would probably move on and forget all about him and what you had. But he was sure you’ll be happier without him. What your father said to him started to make sense now. Your love was forbidden. He was foolish for falling in love with you. Nothing good could come out of it. But every kiss. Every hug. Each one of those whispered sweet nothings, late into the night. They all felt so right. His head was a mess. Maybe getting away from you would do him more good than he thinks. But no matter how many times he tried to tell himself that, the more he realised how much he needed you in his life.

You weren’t doing much better, if not worse. Your father forbid you from ever going outside, unless he told you could. You felt like a prisoner in your own home. A person taken hostage. All your rights were revoked. When you tried to question your father about his treatment of you, he just stated that this was the why for you to learn a lesson. So you’ll never disobey again. Heck, you weren’t even allowed to see Kibum anymore, your father claiming that he had lost his trust. None of this helped the constant pain in your chest, from your bleeding broken heart. Jongdae had been your rock during times like this,keeping you sane and making sure you always end up with a smile on your face. You missed him so dearly. Everything you looked at reminded you of him in one way or another. It was complete torture, the only man you could think of is the only man you couldn’t see. The once permanent smile on your face was now replaced with a frown coupled with red and puffy eyes, from crying all night.

It was hard and painful to live without your love and your dad was just starting realise that. All these months your father stayed adamant that all Jongdae would bring was trouble and it was best for you not to be together. However when he started to bring back your privileges, of going outside and meeting up with friends, you declined. When he asked if you wanted to eat dinner, you always replied with a no and locked yourself up in your room. It broke his heart to hear you cry yourself to sleep every night. His once happy go-lucky girl had turned into something he didn’t recognise . He finally noticed how happy and complete Jongdae made you feel.

After days of thought he decided to sit you down to talk.“Y/N I’ve seen how you’ve been acting these past few months and it hurts me to see you this way. All I wanted to do from the beginning is protect you. Now I’ve noticed I’ve done more to harm you than good. I’m sorry I let my pride and beliefs come before your happiness.” He looked and sounded completely sincere, sorry for his actions. You weren’t ready to forgive him just yet but you were willing to make a start. “Even if I don’t completely trust him, I will allow to start seeing Jongdae again.” He stated. You couldn’t believe your ears. You tried pinching yourself but you didn’t awake. Even if you’ve hoped and prayed for this day to come. It sounded surreal hearing the words come from his mouth. “Are you serious?” When he nodded his head, you enveloped him into a bear hug. “Thank you,Thank you so much.” You cried, a single tear of joy managed to escape your eye.

For the first time in months, you arose from the seabed, your head poking above the water. As you got closer to the shoreline, a figure could been seen sitting on a rock. You instantly knew who it was.

“Jongdae! You screamed running towards his form. As soon as he caught wind of what was happening, he turned and met you at the middle of the beach, not hesitating to lift you up in the air with his hands around your waist. Your lips met as you shared a passionate kiss full of happiness and love.”You’re back, I can’t believe it.” He laughed. “I told you I’ll be back.” “Turns out your really good at keeping promises,love” hugged you tighter. This is the time you realised all the pain you went through was all worth it if you got to see him and his beautiful smile again. He was all you needed and you couldn’t wish for anything else. You had finally been reunited with your light on the darkest of days, your sunshine but most importantly your soulmate.

[singingunderthecurtain]

Love is insane, Baby and we are too. [M]

Author: julietsoddeye Genre:  Smut | Non-Idol AU Pairing: Jongdae x Female Reader Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: Uuuuhh, jealous Jongdae being a little rough? Also, a bit of arguing and language thrown here and there and katoptronophilia (mirror kink), a little bit… and a very quick unprotected sex, sorry. *shifty eyes*

Plot: It’s your birthday and you had an argument with your secret fuck buddy.

A/N: HELLO!!! It’s the birthday of one of my favorite Tumblr unnies, Jangmi a.k.a @oh-beyond and this is my birthday gift to her!

I love you to Pluto and back!!! I hope you’re enjoying your special day! You deserve all the love this world can offer because you’re a great friend to everyone you encounter!!! Also, I was thinking of writing Luhan or Junmyeon, buuuuuut… I’m evil so I wrote Jongdae instead lol. I hope you will like this!!!

Another also, SURPRISE!!! I’m in this, sorry lol. I’m the evil bestfriend of Y/N, or OC, or MC, or YOU, or whoever reads this! I just have to! SORRY! D:

And another also, sorry I haven’t written smut in a long while so this is really bad, I am really sorry. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“SURPRISE!!!”

The sound of people’s happy shouts and party poppers blew all up in your face the moment you opened your apartment door.

Your shared apartment with your best friend, Aikie, to be precise.

You don’t like surprises that much. This is probably why none of your past relationships worked because for some reason all you ever attract in your life are guys who are inclined to the element of surprise.

One ex surprised you one Valentine’s with multiple (you don’t even know how many it was, to be honest) balloons in the trunk of his car, and all of it accidentally flew off when he asked you to open it up to “get something” there for him. You were so mad, so furious that he contributed to the Earth’s plastic problems that you immediately broke up with him that instant.

She knew you’re not exactly ecstatic about surprise parties or surprise anything, but she still did it. She said she will just randomly throw you one at least once in your lifetime, and here you are now...

“I’m going to kill you once all these people leave our house.”

Your words seethed through your closed teeth, you tried smiling as you went through people greeting you a happy birthday and congratulating you on adding another year to your life. But you can feel the smile that you have doesn’t meet your eyes, and they are ignoring it probably because they’re all a little smashed already as they wait for you to get home.

“Can’t wait…”

Aikie replies sarcastically in a sing-song manner. She was guiding you through the sea of bodies of your friends to the center table where your already lit birthday cake and food & drinks are located.

When the last few people parted ways in the middle, you were faced with Junmyeon holding your birthday cake and Jongdae next to him holding a camcorder pointed at your face in his hands. Gaddammit!

“And you even invited Junmyeon and Jongdae. Great, I really can’t wait to murder you later tonight.”

You whisper to your best friend with the same fake grin still plastered on your face.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…”

She started clapping and singing and the people around you followed.

“Hey… Happy Birthday!”

Junmyeon greeted once he put down the cake and everyone started partying. He opened up his arms wide and you almost hesitated but took the hug anyway.

“Thank you, Junmyeon. I– I am so sorry about the other day.”

“Heyyy, it’s fine. I know work’s a bit crazy lately, can’t blame ya!”

He smiled so sweetly and gave you a nose scrunch as well. Gosh, why is this man so nice? You rain checked on your date with him the last hour, saying you have to work late all of a sudden. But that wasn't exactly the truth…

“Hey, can I borrow the birthday girl for a bit?”

Jongdae came out of nowhere and wrap his arm around your shoulder, his hand squeezes on your arm. His other hand that wasn’t holding you was playing with a few pieces of his hair in a cool manner.

“Yeah sure, I need to ask Aikie about something anyway. See you around!”

Junmyeon shrugs his shoulders and gave both of you a sweet smile before turning around to find your best friend.

Jongdae then drags you across the room to the bathroom, locking the door as he slams it shut.

“What was that?”

He almost pins you to the door, his eyes burning with passion looking straight in between your eyebrows.

“What was what???”

You raise one of your eyebrows as you return the question to him.

“Why was Junmyeon Hyung hugging you?”

“Uh, it’s my birthday and he greeted me???”

“And?”

You scoff, ‘why is he asking me these questions?’ you think to yourself.

“And???”

“Why do I sense some kind of tension as I watch you two interact?”

Jongdae’s moves towards your face and you lower yourself as he did.

“I was just apologizing to him for canceling our date the last minute, Jongdae. What’s your fuckin’ deal?”

He smirks, this jerk smirked and was about to laugh when you poked your pointer finger at his chest.

“And it’s your fault why I canceled that date, Jongdae and you’re smiling like you’re so proud of it?”

The laugh that was interrupted quickly came out of his lips.

“I am proud of it! You can’t date other men, especially not Hyung.”

“Why not? The last time I checked we’re not exclusive!”

Jongdae purses his lips in a thin line as he exhaled through his nose, obviously starting to get furious. You can’t lie though, you love it when he’s mad. You press your legs together tightly when he cups the left side of your face with his right hand and slightly squeezes your cheek with his thumb.

“I know that, but you also know I get extremely jealous when your attention is not on me.”

His lips curl in a mischievous smirk and his other hand found its way sweeping stray hair behind your ear.

“Do you hear me complain when you’re flirting with other girls?”

“No, but I know you get jealous too, don’t lie.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a jerk about it!”

You snapped and attempted to push him off, but he grabbed your face with both hands and smashes your lips together in a heated kiss.

Jongdae spins you around and pushes you roughly to the bathroom counter, your butt being squished in between him and the edge of the sink.

“Jong–dae,”

You chirp out successfully as his tongue sweeps along your teeth, asking for entrance. He just hums a response, continuing his attack on your mouth.

“Jongdae, not here.”

You manage to push him just enough to make him stop from devouring your lips.

“We’ll make it quick.”

He leans in towards you again, but you blocked his lips with your palm.

“What if someone hears us? This is crazy!”

Jongdae grabs your wrist, pinning it down to your lap.

“Love is insane, Baby and so are we too. We just gotta make it quick and silent.”

“Fine!”

You snarl at him and one side of Jongdae’s lips quirk up slyly. His mouth found yours again as you help unbuckle his belt and it was a challenge to unzip his fly because of how tight his pants were and how unbelievably turned on he is.

“Gaddamit, Jongdae, why do you keep wearing these tight pants?”

You spout, still struggling to unzip him when the doorknob was suddenly being twisted. Knocking comes next when it didn’t open.

“Is someone using the bathroom?”

Both you and Jongdae freeze still when you hear Junmyeon on the other side of the door.

“I–It’s… It’s me, Junmyeon.”

You stutter and Jongdae successfully freed himself from his tighter-than-life skinny jeans. Without warning, he turned your body around so you’re facing the sink counter and you squeal a bit with the motion. Your eyes grew wide in warning when you see his shit-eating grin on the reflection of the mirror in front of you.

“Are you okay in there?”

Junmyeon asks in concern, he probably heard you squeak through the door.

“Y–Yeah… Sorry, I–I just have an upset stomach, oof–”

Jongdae hikes up your skirt and snags your underwear down to your mid-thigh, just enough for him to spread your ass for a look.

“Are you sure about that?”

Junmyeon asks again.

“Y–Yeah. If you need to use the toilet, th–there’s another one u–pstairs.”

“Okay, thanks!”

At this point, Jongdae has already freed himself from the constraint of his underwear and you felt his cock sliding in between your dispersed butt cheeks.

“Fuck! You’re so wet, how long have you been this wet?”

All you can reply is a needy hum as his tip swipes onto your clit just enough to make you want for more.

“Don’t you like the rush, that feeling of being caught by someone, huh?”

Swiftly, Jongdae inserts himself, hands letting go of your ass completely. You brace yourself by grabbing onto the edge of the sink counter.

“Fuck!”

He screamed silently, one hand settles on your stomach while the other lands on your pussy, fingers promptly played with your clit. Your eyes closed right away and your head tilted and fell back on his shoulder, but Jongdae hissed at you when you did. You open your eyes just enough to see him looking so displeased with you.

“Look towards the mirror.”

It wasn't a request, but more of a command and you instantly pick your head up to look at him through the reflection.

“Good girl, now watch yourself get fucked by me.”

You let out a moan when one particular thrust was so hard. Thank God the music outside is loud enough for you to be able to make noises without anyone noticing.

“Don’t close your eyes again or you won’t get to cum!”

“Fuck you, Jongdae!”

You spat, your hand hovers over his, the one over your pussy, and you push it vigorously to create more friction.

“That’s the point, my darling!”

His thrust gets rougher and sloppier and you feel yourself nearing the edge so you brace yourself again by holding onto the counter and letting Jongdae do the rest for you.

It didn’t take him long after you clench yourself on him, he silenced his moans by burying his face on the conjunction between your neck and your shoulder.

Both of you are a sweating mess as you wait for your breathing to recompose to normal, with him still inside of you.

“Happy Birthday, Noona.”

Jongdae whispers in your ear and gives your neck a gentle peck. You smiled at him through the mirror and kisses his knuckles in return.

—fin—

[treasure-exo]

Catastrophe

Genre: humor, slight fluff

Pairing: Jongdae X you

Word count: 1633 (I went overboard a little I know, I’m sorry)

Description: A simple evening can lead you up to unexpected situations.

A/N: so this is my little drabble for @nunchiwrites :) as a part of @exo-writers-net secret valentine’s drabble. Hope you like it, I did my best. Also I’m back after probably more than a year, so please anticipate this :) (idk please read this on desktop, mobile app is trash and don’t make a gap between two paras and it’s so clogged that you can’t have a good reading experience)

You’re constantly looking from the wall clock to your phone checking time, wishing that the time goes by a little faster today.

You brighten up your lock screen, to check how many minutes passed by. You sigh, putting down your phone on the kitchen counter for the nth time in the span of two hours. Just a minute, it felt like an hour though.

The windows behind you are continually clattering even though they are closed, winds thumping the window panel, making them bang against the frame. This has been the only noise in the kitchen except for the distant noises of chattering of people and rumbling of dried leaves.

The weather is windy, cloudy too but not somber, sun rays are still visible through the clouds making it pleasant to view.

You stand, leaning your back against the counter and your hands crossed over your chest. Lightly tapping your foot on the cabinets, You look at the wall clock.

It’s exciting how you’re so eager to meet him again. It’s only been couple days when he left for his business meeting and he will be coming back by any time now. A smile forms on your face thinking about him.

A sudden ding startled you from your reverie. You look over your back, shifting your eyes from the counter to the oven. The lights inside are off and it shows the time at 0:0.

“Finally” You mutter, taking out the pan of cookies from the oven.

You put the pan on the dining table opposite to the counter, when you hear the doorbell. Your focus immediately shifts from the cookies to the noise. You take off your oven mitts before starting off.

You take long steps, almost running to the front door. You can hear your heartbeats, loud and clear. This is the moment you have been anticipating from the past two weeks and it's finally happening. You turn the door knob and open the door.

There he is, looking at you with those hypnotizing eyes and then he gives you a smile and a tight hug, which is genuinely sweet with just the right amount of tenderness that unexpected warmth rushes through you.

“I missed you, Jongdae,” you mumble, hugging him as tight as your power can allow.

“It’s only been two weeks that I’ve been gone, Kara” he chuckles, enveloping you in his warmth and kissing the temple of your head.

“So you didn't miss me? I see!”

“Defense rests, I missed you so much that I didn’t want to attend the meeting and come back as soon as possible”

“Liar,” you scrunch up your nose to jut out your lower lip at him.

He shakes his head and burst out laughing. He enters, breathing in the citrus scent of the home that comes from the candles you’ve placed on every countertop. He looks at you and gives you an appreciative nod with a smile before removing his shoes and wearing his slippers.

Before he can say anything, you take off his coat and hat with his luggage to unpack and give it to the laundry “I’ve prepared the tub with hot water and essential oils with light music as you like, towels are in the middle rack with your pajamas right next to it. I know you’ll be tired and will need some relaxation, so I’ve prepared this for you, if you need anything you know I’ll be right here,”

He seems to be taken aback from all these but nod anyways. You give him a smile but before you can leave, he pulls you into a tight hug, kissing you deep and passionate. His hands in your hair keeping you as close as possible, in the process you drop his coat and hat and your hands wrap around his neck to give him all he wants.

                                                         ***

You sit down on the couch, waiting for him. Crossing your legs, you go through your phone to check any mails or texts when Jongdae suddenly puts his head on your lap, snuggling into you more. You smile, putting down your phone.

“How was your trip, Jongdae?” you ask, ruffling his hair.

“Okay,”

“It was a two week trip and all you gotta say is okay?”

Silence fill the room for minutes while you are playing with his hair. So you think he is asleep and don’t ask any further questions anymore.

“Because you were not with me,”

You chuckle. “Alright, ok so Jongdae don’t freak out from what I am about to say,”

He sits instantly, looking at you with serious eyes. “What?”

“Jongdae, I saw a strand of gray hair,” you say, pursing your lips and holding back a laughter.

“WHAT!!” he shrieks, standing abruptly, eyes wide, mouth wide open from terror or funk, you can’t decipher.

He stand at the same place in same horrific manner for couple minutes, looking like a live wax statue but can breathe. His hands are on his side loosely hanging as if not knowing what to do with them. He is not blinking and for a second you think he has lost the ability to do so.

You can hear his heartbeat, loud and clear. He’s alive, thank god. You blink, unable to think what you should do next, this is not how you thought it would turn out. It’s impassive but also funny. You keep looking at him before you gulp, hard and raise you hand to shake him from his state.

“Jongda-” before you can complete his name, he growls - loud enough for you to be surprised and terrified that you have to hold your chest to calm yourself down.

He starts pacing in circles, hands in hair - ruffling, tousling and pulling them until they are all over the place and disheveled.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my go- NO,” he whines, blinking rapidly and halting suddenly. He looks at you from which you are taken aback, “NO, I shouldn’t have tousled my hair, I LOST that gray hair…”

He starts pacing again, hands in air, trying to make the situation understandable to me(more like himself) looking more confused than ever, “what if you can’t find it again, wait- no, no, that can’t be,”

“Jongdae, what can’t be? What are you saying?” you ask, confused.

“You’re kidding with me, right? This is a prank, knew it, knew it Kara” he lets out a brittle laugh, stopping in his tracks to shoot a glance at you.

“I’m not kidding, this is not a prank, let me sho-”

“NO, don’t. I don’t need to see,” he yelps, before you can stand up he starts pacing again.

“I need to cut that strand of hair,” he say, rushing to the kitchen and bringing back a scissor. “No, no, they say if you cut one strand, it will be multiplied by two, no.”

“Booking my appointment at a salon, right now.” he picks up his phone, and put it right back on the coffee table, “No, dyeing will damage my hair,”

“I need to hide the gray hair,” he asserts, pointing at you, “you also help me hide it,”

“What if, what if people see it and make fun of me? What if our future kids will see and think of me” he throws a tantrum, pacing again, “no I can’t let that happen,”

“What if all of my hair turns gray now?” he covers his mouth with his one hand and holds the cough with another.

“Worse, what if I go bald?” he vouches, utterly shocked. He is bewildered, throwing hands in air in weird directions, sometimes screaming odds, sometimes whispering crazy, continuing with his circles and only stopping when he comes with his new ‘what ifs’.

You try to interrupt him, telling him to stop but he seems like his hearing ability is at stake too, he can’t seem to see you’re speaking and if he do, he don’t let you speak. You can’t think while Jongdae is pacing in front of you, it was funny at first but now, it seems it's getting out of control and you can’t do anything about it.

“Jongdae, calm down. It’s just A strand of gray hair,” you try to reason and stop him from his dramatic quarter-life crisis but failing miserably.

“Just, just? Just A gray hair? NO, IT’S NOT. Not for me, I’m getting old, oh god I’m looking old,” he unlocks his phone and checks himself on the front camera.

“Jongdae…...listen,”

“I’m looking old, I’m old, so what if...what if you leave me, what if you don’t want to be with me, Kara,” he wraps his forehead with his palms, stopping and looking in void.

“Jongdae, no-”

“What if you want to break our engagement after this and don’t want to marry me?”

“What if…”

“JONGDAE,” you shout, making him look at you and stop talking.

You stand up from the couch and walkover in front of him, as soon as he opened his mouth again, you cup his face and kisses him. It’s slow and soft, comforting him in a way words will never. He reciprocates, resting his hand below your ear and pulling you closer until your breathes mingle.

You break the kiss after couple minutes, “Jongdae, I’ll never ever leave you, I want to be with you as long as possible and I’ll marry you no matter what,” you smile, wrapping your hands around his waist.

“Are you sure?” he ask. You nod still smiling at him.

“And for our future kids, they’ll think nothing because it’s natural, also stop thinking about what’ll people think of you,” you cheer, gaining his smile.

“Ok, so now stop worrying and eat this cookie I made for you,” you say, stuffing Jongdae’s mouth with cookies.

[fairyshuuu]

Growl pt1

Genre: Fluff (will contain smut/angst in future chapters) Length: 4.5k Pairing: Jongdae x reader Other member’s stories  ✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

part 1.  part 2.

You run your fingers through your hair and stuff your keys in your jacket pocket, wind nipping at your legs. Leafs of the trees along the sidewalk ruffle loudly, and a thick choking smog scent is ever present. Even in July, the air is still cold this early in the morning. Despite all the complaints you could think of, you like the city. You like the liveliness and the fact that you get a new shot whenever you need it.

The air though, is a little much for someone with a sensitive nose like you. It's overwhelmingly gross, and you don't think you'll ever get used to it. You’ve lived in cities bigger than this one for long enough to at least appreciate that there’s small parks littered all in between the houses. A last remnant of the wild nature that used to bloom underneath the stone buildings. Strange how much you still long for the open woods, after being away from them for so long.

Moving through rows of people who all stand much taller than you, your eyes shoot across the street as if automatically. A pale man, tall, with pitch black hair. Your skin twitches almost uncomfortably, and with a knowing gaze he meets your eyes. He seems inconspicuous enough, and you know no human would ever notice him, but you're no human and sensing another is very easy. He disappears quickly, barely sparing you a thought, and so you step into the tram without a second glance. Passing through most likely, since most don't like spending time in the city like you do. Too many people, too many chances to get recognized. But, you think, taking a seat in the plush chairs, way more chances to just blend in and be normal.

Being a lone wolf, literally, isn't fun. It is not easy, and if you could do it again maybe you wouldn't have left your pack at the age of 17 to see the world. But you did, and now this is the life you've accepted. You sip your coffee slowly, sinking away into the mass of people heading to work. There's a lot of rich people here, you've noticed. CEO's, lawyers, men and women dressed in fancy clothes. If the city is just rich, or the people in it are, you're not quite sure. Your latest apartment is quite small, and definitely crappy, but it's cheap and that's what counts. The tram stops, making most of the properly dressed people get off. Here is where you've sensed some others of your kind before, when scoping out this city.

You're quite sure a pack lives around this side of town, down in the woods a few miles away. Not that you're going to go and check. They would just chase you out of their territory and you'd be forced to move again. The tram goes on further, away from the rich city center and towards the edges of town, where you spend most of your days. You drink the last of your coffee, and look at the beautiful views that pass. You really like this city. And you'd do anything to stay out of other's radar, for once, just living the life you've always hoped for. A normal one.

***

"Excuse you?!" A sharp voice yelps, right next to your ear. If you weren't a nice person, you would have smacked the bitch across the diner. A growl fights to make it's way up your throat, but you hold it down, and give the woman a forced smile. The bleached middle aged wench across you glares up at you with a huff, and shoves the plate in your direction. "I've been coming here for 7 years and not once have I had such a rude waitress. How dare you?!" Her blue eyes flick all over the plate, and back at you.

You swallow, fisting your hands into the skirt that's tied around your waist and blink at her a couple of times, before repeating yourself, artificial smile plastered on. "You asked for a veggie burger, but without any dairy, fat or salt. You wanted no sauce, no carrot or cucumber, and onions were too oily here. That's what I told the chef, and that's what he gave."

The woman points her manicured nail at your face, and then at the plate, which has a mountain of lettuce and nothing else. "I'm lactose intolerant! You are making fun of my diseases, aren't you, you rude scoundrel?!" Biting your lip, you have to look away. Did she just call you a scoundrel? "I want to talk to the manager!" The wench screeches, all up in your face when she stands up, and gives you a victorious eyebrow raise.

Of course, the asshole she calls for shouts your name right that instant, like a cosmic joke of the universe.

"Sunny!" His voice raises above all other noise in the room. "Get your ass over here."

You just sigh, rub your hand over your face once and give the blonde witch a smile. "He'll be right over, ma'am."

Stuffing your hands in your pockets, you stomp away, and into the back room, where the angry owner of the place is. He doesn't acknowledge you, keeping his eyes on the paperwork in front of him. His face is sweaty, even though this room is far from too warm, and the smell almost makes you want to throw up. "What the fuck is the problem this time?" He sighs, penning something down on a blue post-it note.

"Someone had a complicated order, and is not happy with what the chef made for her, Sir." You start, anger now morphing to annoyance. Knowing him, it'll be your fault again, even if you just brought out the plate you were served.

"What time do you get off, Sunny?"

You frown and look at the clock. 5:54. "At six, Sir. I've been here since 7 am."

He hums and puts his pen down, clasping his fat hands together on the desk. "You're working until nine."

Mouth dropping open, you dig your nails into your own palms, feeling them dig sharply into your skin. If you weren't a nice person, you would have smacked him across the diner as well. "But Sir-" Your last tram comes at 8:57, so you’d have to walk all the way back home.

"And next time I have complaints about you, I'm throwing your pathetic excuse of an employee out, understood?!" He lifts himself from the chair and has the audacity to come to loom over you, while you swallow and glare at the bookcases there.

"Yes Sir."

Your foot collects with the trash can so hard that it flies all the way against the back of the alley with a loud clang and drops to the floor in a mess of litter. "If you can't have lactose, maybe don't go to a diner which serves only dishes with lactose! Seven years my ass, what have you been eating all those years, tHe FUcKiNG NaPKiN?!!" You shout at no one in particular, stomping around the alley like a child throwing a tantrum. "'If I hear complaints about you one more time-', the only one who complains every time is you!"

You take a deep breath, and come back to yourself, trying to focus on finding your calm before you shift and ruin your entire day. The cold air helps, though your hands are still shaky and your heart beats too fast. It’s eight and a bit now, and when your colleague spilled an entire jar of water on your feet you just had to take a breather outside. The younger girl apologized profusely though, and you're not mad at her. She's basically still a child, anyway. A pretty girl, but you do wonder how she was ever hired. She looks underage.

Running your hands through your hair a few times, you groan. You hate your job so much, but you need to in order to pay rent. After another second, you give in and pull open the door, frustration settling and determination taking it's place. You wouldn't let yourself give up that quickly. No way you’ll let that arrogant prick get under your skin like that. You’ll show him how capable you are.

***

Jongdae flashes a small smile, and scans her face. The girl across him is, with her long black hair and cherry red lips, definitely pretty, but Lord- does she talk a whole lot. And that means something coming from him. He takes a sip of water.

"... so pasta with cream sauce would be fine! It will remind me of my time in Italy." She flicks some of her hair over her shoulder and smiles sweetly, beaming up at him. "So how do you know Sehun anyway? I noticed he's never one to talk to the girls in class but I think I would have noticed that he had such an attractive friend if you were in our major, right?'

Jongdae nods, really questioning the girl's need for air, and leans back in his chair a little. "We're long time friends. I finished my major last year. I'm still on part time with my mentor."

The girl responds with an enthusiastic hum, and clasps her hands together. "Psychiatry seems so interesting! You must be really smart too, then huh, along with funny and handsome? I couldn't do it, you know, listening to all those people's problems and thoughts." She leans into her hand when giggling, and blinks up at him.

"Really. Who would have guessed." Jongdae nods quickly, averting his gaze to look around the diner quickly. What was Sehun thinking, setting him up with this giggling schoolgirl? She seems nice, but he can't deal with someone who talks more than he does.

"I hope someone comes to take our orders quickly though, I'm starving." The girl mumbles.

His eyes zero in on someone then, as if drawn by a magnet, even in the slightly dimmed light. A waitress, bright copper wavy hair and her hands and arms balancing five plates at once. She's shining, sparkling almost, a fiery determination in her eyes as she moves through the tables and delivers everyone's food. He almost chokes on his sip of water there and then. She's smiling, but her eyebrows are bunched, a funny fighting expression on her flushed face. Jongdae thinks he holds his breath, but really, it's hard to know what he does when this tornado of a person comes speeding past, too absorbed in her work to notice him. His eyes follow her already leaving shape until she dusts off her sweaty palms and moves back into the kitchen. It's only then, that his senses start working again, loud cluttered noise of the restaurant filtering in and the acute feeling of his heart beating about a million beats a minute. "Sunny!" The younger waitress calls, "that one is for table 5!"

Jongdae can't help the huge smile that comes on his face when it registers. This whirlwind of a person, full of thunder and lightning and static jumping off her persona like that of dark clouds, is called Sunny? Cute, that.

She comes walking back into the room with only two plates this time, and as she does, her eyes meet his in confusion. Her blue silver eyes meet his, and then they widen as if she just figured out how to fly, plates almost falling to the floor when she comes to a very abrupt halt.

Without hesitation, he's up out of his seat, following her with his eyes as she backs toward the kitchen.

"...and that was the- Jongdae?" His date suddenly blinks, surprised by his movement.

"Your story is super interesting, Annie, but I have to go. Sorry." He hurries, giving her a real smile this time.

And he's off, chasing after his mate with the biggest grin on his face. It's impossible how warm he feels right now, and how much he wants to know her already.

"It's Angela..." The girl calls after him, pouting.

***

Not good. Not good at all.

You stumble into the kitchen, slamming the door behind you. With wide eyes you try to process what the hell just happened. The wave of burning heat, slapping you in the face, and the fact that every cell in your body seemed to tremble and twist in his direction. You put your hands against your flushed cheeks in an attempt to calm them down, and take a deep breath.

You just met your mate. Your actual mate, the person who has been your other half for 28 years and the person who you thought you'd never find. It feels so sweet, way sweeter than you ever imagined it, but also terrifies you. You really like your life the way it is. You don't need a man fucking it up. And that seems to go both ways because he was clearly on a date.

You don't get the chance to process everything fully because the door you're resting your back against is being pushed open. You jump and push back, only causing him to giggle. It’s warm and melodic. The sound makes your heart swell, and you wish you could hate it but it only makes butterflies erupt in your stomach.

The young man of earlier pokes his ridiculously handsome face between the door once he pushes it open wide enough, an adorable kitten smile on his lips. You just frown at him and take a step away, folding your arms over your chest.

"Hello." He grins, voice deep and smooth. "I can already see you don't like me very much, but at least give me a chance?" The giggle that passes his lips is almost childlike, and makes your heart all soft. What kind of dark magic...

"Did you just run away from your girlfriend to chase me?" You frown at him, as he regards you with shimmering eyes, as if you are the most precious thing he's ever seen. It's almost insulting. Almost. You’re a lot of things, but cute isn’t one of them.

Again he laughs. You can already tell that this man is going to ruin you, with his joyful spirit and charms spilling out of his pores. He shrugs, and stuffs his hands in his pockets while taking a little step closer to you. "It's kind of our first date. Safe to say I won't be seeing her again though."

"Yeah, because you left her in the middle of a shitty diner to chase after another woman on your first date." For a second you wonder why you are so seemingly angry at him. Your past hasn't been easy however, and it's hard to convince your heart of that. He doesn't seem to mind though. And that in itself makes you even more frowny.

"H- Well, yes, probably, but also because I just met the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes upon."

Turning towards some of the dirty plates on the table behind you, you start stacking them nervously. "Oh, really? Where is she?" You turn over your shoulder to look at the guy, only to jump when he's right behind you.

He doesn't say anything for a while, just smiling down at you with his stupidly adorable moon eyes, before humming softly. "How do you do that?" He mumbles then, smile slipping off to really look at you., "You're looking at me with eyes that could shoot lightning and still you're brighter than the sun. Sunny really fits you."

When your name slips out of his mouth, you feel the full force of why people love their mates almost immediately. The word sends warm shivers down your spine and makes you feel floaty like nothing ever has. "I- I w-" you stutter, stepping from under his chin to slide to the side with flushed cheeks. "I'm really focused on my job, and I don't really do soulmates."

He just nods his head cutely, and smiles. "That's okay, I don't either." He runs a hind through his black hair, and grins to himself. "Can't you just see me as a normal guy asking you out? Just one date."

You giggle nervously, running your finger along the metal table edge over and over. You're acting like a total love struck fool right now, but it's impossible not to when your heart mellows at every second you're near him. "I don't even know your name." You just sigh, a horrible attempt at an excuse and you know it.

"Jongdae." He grins, quick to respond as he walks a little closer to you again.

This is a shitty idea. A really shitty idea.

"I promise I'll be sophisticated."

A giggle escapes you then, making you roll your eyes. "I really doubt it."

He gives you another smile. "Pinky promise." He holds out his phone for you to put your number in, right as your colleague walks in. Her eyes widen considerably at the sight of a customer here, but she doesn't say anything.

"You better not break your promise then, Jongdae." You are an idiot.

***

He didn’t lie. He looks more than sophisticated, with fancy suit and gold rimmed glasses perched on his pretty nose. Jongdae picked you up at 6, three days after you two met. And you hated to admit it, but he hadn’t left your mind for a second since that day. The entire walk home, you were practically singing, that’s how stupidly happy you were.

You’re dressed a lot more, how should you say it, dead inside, than Jongdae is. You’re wearing a black pencil skirt with a beautiful colored dragon on the side, a lacy top and several black rings adorning your slim fingers. Older people stared when you walked past them, Jongdae only grinning when you gave them a wink.

“Why are you so quiet?” Jongdae turns to you, cheeks high with smiles. He always looks so deliriously happy, you wonder if that ever gets tiring. Probably not. “You’ve been all shy the entire evening.”

You huff and glare up at him from where you’re holding his arm hooked in yours, before grinning slightly as you come to a stop at another big photograph, displayed in this gallery. You don’t really know why Jongdae chose to take you here, but it sure is sophisticated. “That’s just because you’ve been talking so much that I couldn’t get a single word in.”

Jongdae pushes your shoulder, giggling. “Not even true at all. I’ve been holding back more than I have my entire life.”

A snort passes your lips before you can help it. “How sweet.”

“I know.”

Right when you want to respond, you two turn a corner, where a big group of people is talking animatedly. You immediately feel that most of them are wolves, humming in interest. Is this the group of people that lives at the edge of the city? You doubt it, they don’t seem familiar. Still though.

Some of the people are looking at the photographs on the wall, some others crawling on each other’s backs and hanging on top of each other like a huge mess of limbs. Most though, are crowded around a small girl who has a huge blush on her chubby face, apart from the one black haired couple to the side who just look at the group lovingly. “Guys,” the one girl mumbles, looking around at some disproving people walking past, “quiet down. Thank you but you are really too much.”

One of the smaller men, red-brown hair bouncing up and down as he enthusiastically speeds over to her and throws his arms around her neck. “I’m never quieting down. We’re so pROUD, dUNgi!!” She just giggles and swats him away, before taking a sip of her champagne and coming to rest her head on one of the other man’s shoulders.

This group fill the entire room, and you can’t help but snort as you lean into Jongdae a little more. “See, this is why being alone is better than being in a pack. What a mess.” Giggling, you pass by the room where the huge crowd is, continuing down one of the halls. You catch eyes with one of them for just a split second, as his eyes widen, but before you can notice you’re out of view.

Jongdae grins a little sheepishly, and rubs his free hand at the base of his neck. “Yeah, I guess they do look like a whole mess.” The smile doesn’t reach his eyes fully.

“Loud, too. I couldn’t do it, I think, even if I tried.” Stopping for yet another picture, you frown, this one a lot more dark than most of the other works displayed here. “Do you think that one girl was the photographer? She takes really good pictures.”

The man to your side hums, before turning towards the side. “Yeah, she is really talented. I don’t like this picture though,” cocking his head at the dimly lit, deep blue picture full of small bubbles, as if it was taken underwater, “way too sad. Her works are so bright and pretty, they shouldn’t have hung this one up.”

You can’t help but nod, noticing the fire behind his words. “It seems like this one was taken in a sad past, where she had no hope. Drowning, almost.”

Jongdae quiets at that, finding your eyes for a second and resting on your lips. It makes your whole body shiver, but he seems lost in thought. Maybe that hit a personal note, you don’t know. Though being around him feels like being around an extension of yourself, you don’t know of Jongdae’s past, much like he doesn’t know of yours. The entire evening has just been filled with happy teasing and occasionally letting him slip his hand into yours, before giggling and pushing him away.

He breathes deeply, before coming back to you and smiling softly. “You have freckles.” He says it so softly, like it is something that makes you a dainty little flower, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear and you don’t have your right mind to shoo him away. “I didn’t notice it before, but- they’re all over. Here-” he points at your nose than, smile returning fully, “and here-” he brushes his thumb softly along your cheek, “and right- there.”

He puts his finger on the one freckle you know you have right at the edge of your lips, a very light one. When you move forward, or if you even do, you don’t know, but suddenly he’s way closer than he was before and your heart is beating out of your chest. His hands come up to cup your cheeks softly, and then is lips press to yours.

And when you close your eyes, you see fireworks. It’s just a peck, and Jongdae soon pulls back, but you’re frozen in the moment for way after that. Your lips tingle with the feeling of his, so soft and warm and pillowy that you’re lost at what to do. In your entire life, you’ve never had a kiss this careful, this gentle and it’s like the entire world has yanked up the saturation when you open your eyes again.

He doesn’t say anything for a while. When he does, a shy smile comes to play at his mouth corners, one you’ve never seen on him before. He always seems so confident in all he does, and yet here he is, blushing after a single kiss. Not that you can blame him, you feel bright red as well.

“I’ll walk you home, they are closing this place soon.” He sighs, before slipping his hand into yours and pulling you into his side.

The whole walk to your house, which was luckily only a good couple of minutes, was spent in a comfortable silence, or with soft whispers and giggles. You don’t know when it became so late that the sun sunk entirely behind the horizon. It must be at least 11 pm right now, since the city has become almost completely silent. Surprising, for a Wednesday evening.

Jongdae has been playing with your fingers the entire time, giggling every time you glare up at him or give him little jabs in the side. You’ve never been like this with a person before, but here you are. He lets out a deep breath, the warm air painting off against the cooling down evening, and then smiles. “Don’t look.” He suddenly says, disconnecting your hands and placing the one over your eyes.

You yelp, and take hold of his arm. “How can I walk when I don’t see where I’m going, Jongdae?”

“I’ll lead you.” He says, while you can hear his take something out of his pocket. His hand drops from your eyes. “Don’t look, yeah? I’m serious.” He doesn’t sound at all serious, so you laugh, but do as asked. His hand wraps around yours again, warm and solid, and then you feel the distinct feeling of a pen on your skin.

You bite your lip and smile, still walking on as you lean into him a little more. “Are you writing your number on my hand? You do know that this stuff only works in movies when I don’t have your number yet, right?”

Jongdae laughs loudly at that, the sound ringing through the street, before huffing playfully. “I’m not writing my number.”

“Hm.” You smile, patiently waiting until you feel the pen still on your skin, and hear the click of it. Jongdae squeezes your hand softly. “Can I open up now?”

“Yes.” He nods, grin audible in his voice, while he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

You don’t know what you were expecting, but a soft smile comes on your lips. On the back of your hand is a little sun, accompanied with just two words. ‘Yours, Jongdae’. He doesn’t say anything when you glance up at him with shimmering eyes, and leads you to the side, where to your dismay, you recognize your door.

“We’re here.” Jongdae smiles, holding in front of you and taking both hand in his. “I don’t know if I still have to say it, because it seems obvious, but I really enjoyed my night with you.”

“I really enjoyed my night with you too.” You nod, looking at your feet. “Do you want to come in for a while?”

His eyes flick to your door, and then back to you, to your door again. He gives a pained smile, before shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I promised to be sophisticated and I really plan on keeping to that. Next time, maybe.” He leans forward and presses a sweet his to your forehead, and then nods. “Have a good night, Sunny. I’ll text you tomorrow?”

“Okay.” You just nod, and wave him out. “Have a good night.” When he walks away backwards, he sends you a last breathtaking smile, and then he’s gone. You almost melt into a puddle right then and there.

What did you say again? Not letting a man fuck up your life?

Well… you’re done for.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! New characters!! Yet again. By now you’re used to this, right? This au is going to keep going until it kills me. I really enjoyed writing Jongdae for once! I feel like I’ve been lacking a lot of him throughout the series so I’m very sorry toward any Jongdae stans.

Please leave a message about your thoughts, anything you noticed this chapter or what you liked in general!! Just know that if I get input I’m a lot more motivated to put out more content.

Thank you for reading! ♡♡

If you want to be (un)tagged for this story or any of my others, just let me know! @rissa-is-a-nerd (it’s finally here, mom. how long ago did i say this would come?) @ninibears-erigom @baekfanapleintemps @vamprrr

[mybiasisexo]

Vice & Virtue

Genre: Angst | Fluff | Superhero!au | mama!au

Pairing:  Jongdae x Reader

Length: 12.6k

Warning: Language | Violence | Sexual Themes

Summary: You grew up in a world where the line between good and bad is thick. But when that line begins to thin, the one you care for most must decide which is more important--morality or love.

Author’s Note: Happy Exo Day!! In celebration of exo’s comeback, here is a little something for my king, Kim Jongdae! I know it’s been a while, so I made it super long for ya! I pulled a lot of inspiration from Mr. & Mrs. Smith on this one! It’s different from anything I’ve ever posted and I hope I can show new sides of my writing. As always, don’t be shy to comment and let me know what you thought! I love feedback so much! Enjoy~

MASTERLIST

Maybe it is time to admit you have a problem.

The saying goes, twice is a habit, and you exceeded that years ago. What you have now is a full-blown addiction. Knowing damn well you can stop at any given moment, but hesitant to surrender to normalcy. You are too far gone. Too dependent on the adrenaline, on chasing your highs, on securing the bag. You feign for the chase.

Being bad never felt so good.

Your body hums in anticipation as you’re enveloped in the darkness of the room. You are so close to your final destination, having already quite literally slithered passed security towards the target.

“We’re in,” you breathe, locking eyes with your partner-in-crime, your cousin, Kim Minseok, before straightening up and heading over to one of the four lit cases.

It’s ironic to you, how these places never want their items to be taken, yet they display them at all hours, beckoning in the most tantalizing way. It is as if they wantthe expensive items to be taken and who are you to deny such a request?

Underneath the harsh glow of the fluorescents, the jewelry shimmers relentlessly, nearly bringing a tear to your eye. You have never seen anything more beautiful, nothing that makes your heart swell with such love.

You just need one more fix.

“Step aside, Snake,” Minseok mumbles. You roll your eyes at the name, but oblige nonetheless, shifting slightly to your left so not to miss the show.

Minseok places his hands firmly on the glass, his fingers spread widely against one of the four encasements. You can see the material fog up between the gaps until there is a sudden shift, it taking another form. Frost soon leaks from his palms, spreading across the entire top of the glass leaving an icy layer. He throws you a smirk before adding the tiniest of pressure, shattering the cover under his chilly hands.

“Oh, Frostbite,” you sigh before jumping into action, wasting no more time pulling the bag from your waist to swiftly slide all of the jewels inside the box into it. When all four boxes are emptied, you both bolt the same way you had entered, becoming one with the shadows as you make a stealthy getaway.

As you flee the scene, a couple police vehicles and a familiar van speed past, heading towards the direction you are escaping.

“Just missed us,” you sing, grinning manically as you pull out your newly acquired ring, watching the diamonds within it dance in the moonlight.

“You would think they were amateurs,” Minseok adds, causing you both to chuckle.

“Or we’re getting a little too good at this.”

~*~

Minseok rolls the van to a stop in front of your home and you hop out, waving a hasty farewell before sprinting into the garage. Your steps falter when you notice one of the two shiny cars that inhabit the small area is missing, but brush it off, knowing you don’t have that much time to ponder these sorts of things. You have a bag to stash.

As soon as you enter your walk-in closet, which is the size of a small bedroom, you head to the back wall, shoving aside the old discarded dresses that hung as a shield to cover what is behind it. To anyone else, it will appear to be just another part of the wall, but you know better, having created it. Finding the small latch, you slide the wall back, revealing a hidden hatch that holds your most treasured secrets. Your eyes dilate from the light bouncing off the hundreds of jewels you have collected throughout the years.

You sigh longingly. The urge to bathe in the jewels is tempting, at least a moment to relish in your new additions. But, alas, you are short on time and can’t afford such luxuries. Instead, you pour out the contents of your bag into the ever-growing pile, shutting it quickly before beginning to strip out of the body suit you don for your missions. The skintight outfit is made of black snake leather, after all, you have an image to uphold. To the country of Exo, you are known as the infamous Cobra, Exopolis’ most wanted jewel thief. You have had many run ins with the law—in all its various forms—and have yet to be captured, much to their chagrin.

As you take off the head piece you wear to allude to the name, you hear footfalls steadfastly approaching your bedroom.

“Shit,” you hiss, tossing the helmet on a shelf and throwing a pile of dirty clothes over it before rushing to slip out of your suit. You have just barely gotten your arms out, yanking your wedding ring from the safety of your bra onto your finger, when the closet door swings open, the person pausing once he notices your presence.

He grins warmly, a little out of breath. “I knew I would find you here.”

You attempt to return his smile through your rising anxiety. Your outfit bares your alter ego and if he realizes who you truly are, you’re doomed.

“Are you calling me materialistic?” You ask, impressed by the control in your voice despite your nerves.

He laughs good heartedly. “I would never….”

You hum, playing along as he enters the room fully, the size of it shrinking drastically with his nearness.

“You’re home late,” you note, trying to keep him distracted.

“Work,” he answers simply and you nod understandably. Your husband has been out later and later the past few months, work holding him captive. You should probably be more concerned for him, but his absence allows you the freedom to pursue your other more illegal interests, so you didn’t mind.

His eyes flicker down your frame and your heart pounds strongly against your chest as he frowns. “What is this?”

“I was trying on a new outfit for you,” you lie easily through labored breathes. Your suit is rather risqué, so you use that to your advantage. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

You fake a pout and run one of your hands up his firm chest suggestively.

“If it looks this tantalizing now, I can only imagine how sexy you look with it on all the way.” His voice comes out as a growl as his hands grip your hips, fingers dancing against the smooth fabric as he tugs the discarded sleeves, holding them out, getting a good look. His frown returns, eyebrows cinched in thought. “Although, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen it before…?”

You force out a laugh, nearly wincing from the sharp note. “I just bought it! I’ve been wanting to try something a little different. You’ve been so busy with work and I’ve missed you.”

That seems to draw him from his thoughts. He takes in your returned pout with a sigh of defeat. “I know. I’m sorry. I promise it will get easier soon.”

“Well,” you begin in a lilting tone, intertwining your fingers at the nape of his neck. “Why don’t you help me out of this thing so I can show you just how much I’ve missed my husband.”

He hums lowly, the noise rumbling through his chest. “I think I can handle that.”

Your smile is genuine as he leans forward to capture your lips with his, kissing you heatedly. For the time being, your secret is safe with you.

~*~

“Why do I have to go again?” You ask through clenched teeth as you stare out the tinted window in disdain, rows of people blur past, awaiting your arrival.

Jongdae shifts beside you. “I know you don’t like doing this, but it’s a part of the cycle. A strong unit always appeals better to the public. We’re already at a disadvantage because we have no children, but we’re young. We bring hope around us and together we are the Exopolis dream.”

You sigh at the speech he has been feeding you for the past three weeks, nearly having it committed to memory at this point. Yet, it still somehow finds a way to calm your nerves some.

He places a hand on your shoulder and in a low voice says, “you only have to do five simple things: smile, wave, look beautiful, stay by my side, and gaze at me as if I hold the entire world.” He replaces his hand with his lips before his chin rests on your shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll have no trouble doing any of that.”

You finally turn to lock eyes with him, taking note of the teasing glint in his. It pulls a smile from you as your car rolls to a stop at the town square.

“Let’s get this over with,” you huff as the door opens and you stretch your lips into the fake smile you have been practicing. Jongdae calls it your ‘political face’.

It is such a bizarre thing to you—being a governor official’s wife. Yet, that is what you are ultimately trying to accomplish.

Kim Jongdae, your husband of six years, is a governor’s son. Grew up in the world of politics and wealth. It is what drew you to him in the first place. Your paths crossed the first month of you living in Exopolis at a museum of all places. He was there representing his father, while you were scouting for your next raid. You thought he was cute and funny. After finding out he was utterly loaded, you decided to seduce him and a year later was rewarded with a nice heavy ring on your finger that still filled you with pride. Marriage to Jongdae is everything you could’ve possibly wanted. You live as a trophy wife, doing nothing but spending money all day. Jongdae isn’t all that bad either. He has shown you things you never knew existed, and made you feel secure, but most importantly, the fool trusts you. He was enamored from the first moment he laid eyes on you, and it really blinds his judgement. He never really questions you, attracted to that aura of mystery that shrouds you to this day. You are an enigma in many ways, but he never pressures you to reveal anything you aren’t comfortable with telling, it is his fatal flaw, and one you hope he never attempts to change.

Unfortunately, all the traveling and hot sex came to an end two months ago when Jongdae decided he was going to follow his father’s footsteps and run for governor. You should have seen it coming. He is extremely passionate when it comes to the people of Exopolis and he has been tailored since birth to lead. His ultimate goal, which he has shared a few times during his most vulnerable moments, is to become president of the country of Exo one day and he wants to do it with you by his side, the romantic. But as you stand in front of the crowd, smiling and waving as Jongdae instructed you can’t help but feel claustrophobic. The tailored suit you wear feels itchy, the pearls at your neck uncomfortably tight around your slender neck. Your lips tremble from stretching them for so long and you want nothing more than to leave, to purchase a ridiculously lavish gift for yourself that you could hang on a wall. Or better yet—steal one.

Jongdae does well though.

~*~

“Looks like Cobra and Frostbite got away with another robbery,” Jongdea updates as he scans the news on his phone over dinner later that night.

“Are you serious?” You ask, sounding as exasperated as anyone else would.

Jongdae lets out a heavy breath, rubbing his temple. You watch the vein in his neck jump from anger. “I don’t understand. They are some of the most wanted people in Exopolis, and yet we can’t seem to catch them. Always a second too late.”

A prideful grin threatens to unleash and you hide it behind a glass of water. For seven years now, the pair of you have been causing a ruckus in the city. Nobody knew anything about you other than your alters which drove the police insane.

“At least they are one of the only villains in the city who don’t, you know, actually kill people,” you chime in after sitting your glass down.

Exopolis has the highest crime rates in the country. It is riddled with it, that being one of the main reasons for your relocation all those years ago.

Jongdae drops his hand from his head and pins you with a hard stare. You match it, your eyes struggling to shift threateningly from his gaze.

“Honey,” he says softly, although his voice is stern. “They are the enemy. They may not kill people, but they still hurt families and companies by stealing. They are still committing crimes and must be punished for it!”

The passion in his voice shakes you. He truly has a vendetta against Cobra and Frostbite. You try not to take any offense, but it’s hard because, well, it’s you he’s talking about.

So, you can’t help but grow defensive. “Well, why don’t you tell that Thundercat to do his job better! He’s always so worried about the people of this city, but he never seems to be there when he’s actually needed. Too busy doing whatever it is cats do, I guess.”

He flinches at your words, jaw clenching tightly. “What makes you think I could tell Thundercat that?”

You laugh and it rings mockingly. “Aren’t you a politician? I thought all those in power were intertwined. Thundercat and his gang of misguided vigilantes swear to protect the city, do they not? Well, go tell him to do a better job at it and maybe Cobra and Frostbite wouldn’t be getting away as often!”

“’Misguided vigilantes’?” He repeats in disbelief. “If I didn’t know any better I would think you disliked them.”

You merely shrug,

He says your name with shock. “They are the closest thing to superheroes we have! Who knows what kind of disarray Exopolis would be in without them risking their lives trying to protect us all!”

“If I didn’t know any better I would think you worship them!” You bark back, chest practically heaving from agitation. “Superheroes? Please! Just because they aren’t using their powers for their own selfish gain doesn’t mean they are any better than the rest of us!”

“I can’t believe I am hearing this right now.” He shakes his head slowly, his expression fallen as if he is staring at a stranger. “So, what? We should just let everyone run around recklessly? Get rid of laws all together? Would that be better than having people take time out of their day to fight for what is right?”

“Who’s definition of right, Jongdae?” You ask. “What you view as right might not be the same to somebody else. Who are they to judge what someone does as good or bad? Who put them in charge of other’s morality?”

Jongdae rubs his head before sliding his hand over his face. It falls limply at his lap and he stares blankly at his discarded dinner. “I, honestly, don’t know what to say. I thought it was obvious. If someone does something that hurts others…that’s wrong. It’s wrong to hurt others. It’s that simple. At least, I thoughtit was.”

You gulp, realizing you got carried away, have broken character. His eyes wander, taking in the beautiful dining room you decorated, looking everywhere but at you. His hands are curled into tight fists, and you swear you feel the static in the room shift slightly.

You want to say something, anything to redeem yourself, to bring things back to how they were ten minutes ago, but before you open your mouth to apologize, his phone begins ringing. He clears his throat, glancing briefly at the device before slowly getting to his feet. “I have to go into work.” His voice is quiet as he slumps out of the room, food forgotten.

As his figure retreats, guilt twirls in your gut, causing you to lose your appetite. You want to call after him, but resist. Instead, you let him leave the house for another long night at the office.

~*~

Your fight with Jongdae affects the both of you harder than you thought it could.

A week passes and Jongdae acts differently the whole time. He’s more visibly exhausted. When you confront him about it, he blames it on work, but you both know it has everything to do with the conversation you had. He’s still upset about it and it puzzles you as to why he’s taking it so personally. You assume it’s because he prides himself on his morals, so much so he uses it as the slogan for his campaign.

His silence speaks volumes. Throughout the seven years you have known him, Jongdae has gotten the reputation for being loud. It is one of his more endearing qualities. He fills the house with sound, your life with it and as annoying as it can get at times, it’s what makes him him.The silence bares unfamiliar, unsettling. It makes you want to fill it yourself, but you don’t know how, so instead you internalize it.

When it comes to morality, you are at opposing sides. What in his eyes he deems wrong, you perceive as right—if you see anything at all.

To be completely honest, you haven’t thought much of the topic, constantly acting purely on your urges, on what gives you pleasure at that instant. Unlike Kim Jongdae, you come from extreme poverty. The only thing that kept you alive growing up was the pursuit of a life of luxury and as soon as you and your dear cousin, Kim Minseok, were of age, you began down the road of crime.

At first it was small things: stealing food from stands or clothes from stores. As your power grew, so did your heists. Both of you getting bolder and using your powers to your advantage. You robbed your first bank at the tender age of seventeen.

The two of you became the Bonnie and Clyde of your tiny town, but only having a taste left you hungry for more. So, you left your small town in the dust, relocating to the biggest city in the country, Exopolis, which was also the most dangerous. You would fit right in.

The line between right and wrong is thin here, blurry. Almost everyone in the city lives a double life. In the exposure of the sun, everyone wears masks, plays polite, sticks to the roles they create for themselves. But at night, under the protection of the moon, the masks are removed. People now unafraid to reveal their hideous true natures. Many civilians possess powers. Special abilities that enhance them in some way. Some use these gifts to fight crime, others to cause it. The night life of Exopolis is one giant underground. The freaks come out to claim a piece of the chaos. It is your home.

The name Cobra was given to you due to your powers resembling that of a serpent. Your pupils shrink to slits, allowing you better vision at night, you have a small sac in your throat that holds poisonous venom that you can spit out at any given moment, and your muscles are stronger than most, allowing you to constrict lethally around your enemies.

The origins of powers are a mystery many are still struggling to solve. The world gathers the science behind it—a mutation in the DNA allowing people to be born with inhumane abilities—but no amount of studying has figured out what triggered the event. Nearly thirty years ago, out of nowhere, there was an influx of newborns with mutations. Millions were documented and more are being born every day. It is still rare to be born with powers, but the fact that there are as many as there are is bizarre. Minseok and you are the only ones in your family to have them—Minseok can control frost—and it is what bonds you. He is your best friend and partner-in-crime.

There are other more famous people who hold powers, such as Thundercat, Exopolis’ reigning hero. Although, he too is shrouded in mystery, for no one knows the man beneath the mask. His abilities are pretty straight forward, he controls lightning, could release electricity from his hands.

You have encountered him a few times. He usually tags along with the police and has two sidekicks—Rocky, who holds power over the Earth, and Tornado, the one who controls wind. The three of them are the most popular ‘good guys’ in the city. So, it’s safe to say, you get great pleasure constantly eluding them.

That is until recently.

You can admit that you steal now more out of habit than anything else. What once fed your soul, left you rather empty after acquiring the life you were seeking through robbing. Minseok is also living rather comfortably himself. Stealing is all the two of you have ever known, but maybe it is time to retire. Seeing the way Jongdae had looked at you during your fight made you feel like a child disappointing their parent. Since that night, you can’t help but wonder what he would think if he ever found out who you really are. Would he still love you unconditionally if your darkest secret saw the light? Would he still hold your hand tightly and introduce you as his wife with pride as he does now? You didn’t think so and as much as you keep telling yourself you don’t care about his opinion of you, you are aware that his affection towards you is your ticket to freedom. Heis your ticket to freedom, always was. As long as you are with him, you don’t have to steal. He supplies all the money you will ever need. Anyways, once he becomes governor, your actions will be monitored, not allowing you to sneak around as easily as you can now.

It is time.

~*~

“Are you sure?” Minseok asks as you both sit on your patio watching the ducks float on the lake in your backyard.

You take a deep breath and nod. “I am. I have everything I need in Jongdae. It’s been a long game, but I have his trust completely. Stealing is more of a bad addiction at this point. Also, you started your own business and it’s doing so well!”

He smiles at the mention of his ice cream parlor. He opened it a year ago and it is doing 1000% better than either of you anticipated, quickly becoming one of the most popular restaurants in the city. He has always had a love for frozen treats and, unlike you, he became wealthy on his own. You are nothing but proud of his success.

“I was thinking about opening another location closer to the campus,” he admits, biting his bottom lip to hold in his excitement, but you are also filled with the emotion on his behalf.

“Min! That’s a great idea! But how much free time will you have juggling both stores?”

“Probably not enough to keep masquerading as Frostbite,” he muses quietly. You nod encouragingly as he thinks over everything you have laid on the table. “So, what? We just hang up our suits? Put this life of crime behind us? I…don’t know how to do that.”

“Me neither,” you admit with a shrug. “It’s all we’ve ever known. But, I think we both knew this day would come eventually.”

“I always imagined us cornered on a cliff with nothing else to do but drive our car over it,” Minseok says with a laugh.

You lift an eyebrow. “I like this turn out better.”

“Okay, then we stop,” he says slowly. “But after one more heist.”

“Minseok….” You protest.

“Listen. Do you remember what drew us to Exopolis? The one thing that had our mouths watering at the mere thought of having it in our possession?”

Your heart stops beating at the mention of what he’s alluding to.

“You couldn’t possibly mean…?” He nods in confirmation. “But, Minseok, there’s a reason why we haven’t.”

“Because we were never ready.” He spins in his seat so that he’s facing you. “But we are stronger and more prepared than ever before. Why not go out with a bang? Our last heist and it’s the fucking biggest blood diamond in the world! Sitting beautifully untouched at the Museum of Rarity.”

Chills run up your body at his words, your lust at its pinnacle. He is right. That diamond is the main reason for your move. It is the biggest, rarest, diamond to ever be found and it sits mere miles away.

“But that museum has the best security system ever. Like, it’s probably a suicide mission.”

“We have this thing down to an artform. We do what we do best: study the building, learn the ins and outs, plan a foolproof strategy with two fallback plans. It’s how we always do it, it’s just on a bigger scale.”

You ponder over it. If you have to steal one more time, what better way than the blood diamond. The one jewel you’ve yearned for most of your life. Back then, it would have given you riches beyond your wildest dreams. Now, it will be the last final stop on this road of vice.

“We’d have to be more thorough than ever before,” you mention. Minseok agrees. “Alright. I’m down. Let’s go get us a blood diamond.”

~*~

Strategizing takes lots of time and effort. Despite a week of hardcore scheming, neither one of you are able to come up with the perfect time to strike. Never mind trying to find a way around the security system, you didn’t even know the lay of the building!

That all changes the day Jongdae happens to be home.  

“So, your favorite person is getting a statue of honor,” he reveals rather stiffly to both you and Minseok, as the two of you sit pretending to watch television.

You tilt your head confusingly and he lets out a bitter laugh. “Thundercat.”

“Oh.” You try not to roll your eyes, but he can sense your indifference regardless. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it’s going to be a huge party filled with the city’s most elite. We all want to thank Thundercat for all he has done for Exopolis and since you are a part of this society now, your attendance is expected.”

“What? Why?” You ask, sitting upright.

“Because one of us has to attend to help our image for the campaign and I unfortunately will be preoccupied.”

“You want me to go alone? Without you?” Your voice is quiet. A foreign feeling seizes your throat, causing your heart to race and palms to sweat. Is this what fear feels like?

He sighs and kneels before you, grabbing your hands in his. It’s the first time he has made any move to touch you since your fight and the contact nearly brings you to tears. It is as if you missed this, missed him. “You will do fine. You know practically everyone that will be there and I’m sure Minseok will have no trouble accompanying you on my behalf. I’m sorry, but I already made plans that I regrettably can’t step away from that night. I would love nothing more than to be there with you.”

You can’t help but get lost in his gaze. His dark eyes appear topaz under the fluorescents overhead and the fond look in them that you can never get used to causes them to sparkle uncannily like the gem itself. The semblance breaks your resolve.

“When and where?” You ask in a sigh and he smiles brilliantly at your reply, his eyes crinkling adorably.

“The event will be held on Friday, seven o’clock at the Museum of Rarity. The statue will be in front of the building from now on.”

You surreptitiously steal a glance at your cousin to find him already looking at you, mischief evident in his eyes.

“Sounds perfect,” you grin, already formulating a plan.

~*~

The plan is set in motion.

You both decide that you will attack after the commencement ceremony. This way, you’ll already be inside to learn everything you need to know.

As you both step into the building the following Friday night, you are filled with nerves. It really feels like an ending, but at the same time, like the first time all over again.

You both are cladded in expensive clothes. Minseok wears a luxurious black suit tailored personally for him while you are covered in an elegant shimmery baby blue silk gown that flows around your feet and covers your arms and neck, hiding Cobra’s suit underneath.

Your excitement for the festivities later overrides your disdain for the current event. You find yourself in a sincerely good mood, greeting everyone with a wide smile, feeling grateful to be there. As soon as you see champagne floating around, you waste no time snatching one before breaking off to do your research. Minseok sneaks off into the lobby while you venture deeper into the museum. Despite its name, it isn’t as public as other museums. The treasures it holds too precious to expose for too many. It’s more of a glorified banquet hall used for privileged parties and special occasions such as tonight. You have only been in it once before, a week after your wedding to Kim Jongdae, when you saw the diamond in the flesh and knew that you wanted it more than anything you’ve ever yearned for in your life.

It doesn’t take long to find it. It is in the center of one of the square rooms at the end of the main hallway. The room is dark except for the spotlight on the gem. It isn’t even encased, shining tauntingly before you, almost asking to be taken. The diamond gets its name from its color. The jewel is as red as blood and the color reflects off of it, bouncing around the walls, casting an eerie glow across your dress, as if you are the one bleeding. Saliva floods your mouth from the distance and you have to gulp it down in haste, wincing slightly from the burn of venom.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” A male’s voice speaks from the darkness, halting your steps.

You blink rapidly, awakening from the daze you were in before scanning the area, not catching anything with your human eyes.

“It is,” you humor, taking a bold step towards the diamond. Movement draws your attention and your head snaps in the direction, watching the dark figure enter from your left. You take a slight risk and allow your pupils to shrink enough to see the familiar leather suit and mask, unmistakable cat ears on the top of his head.

“You look like you can’t wait to wear it upon your ears.”

“What can I say?” You begin with a shrug. “I have an affinity for shiny things, Thundercat.”

He approaches until he is bathed in the warm light as well and studies you. He smiles playfully. “Mrs. Kim.”

You lift an eyebrow. “You know who I am?”

He chuckles at your shock. “Why wouldn’t I? Your husband is running for governor, is he not?”

You feel slightly dumb. Of course, he knows who you are, you are pretty famous around these parts. “That is correct. It is an honor to be in your presence at such an occasion. Congratulations. I’m sure you are very proud of your work.”

His smile shifts, becoming humbler and you can’t help but be transfixed by it—his mouth. It’s strange that it’s the only clue to his identity, the tight dark suit hiding everything else from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes. “I’m just thankful the city has accepted my hand of help graciously. Though you should know, I would still be doing this without all of the praise.”

It feels almost as if he is defending himself. You dare a few steps towards him, taking note of him backing up, not allowing you to close any distance. He is again cloaked in darkness and it leaves you agitated, your curiosity getting the best of you. “Ah, well, even so, this night is about you. We all are grateful for your fight for justice and hope you continue to pursue it.”

“I’m sure there is a cat joke somewhere in there,” he says, pointing a finger at you.

You chuckle. “Maybe.”

“You should join the party, Mrs. Kim. I’m sure there are many people awaiting your presence as well.”

He is shooing you and that is fine. You nod in farewell before taking your leave, downing the rest of your drink as you head back to where the rest of the guests are congregated.

Minseok catches your eye immediately once you return. The satisfied smile spreading his lips is more than enough an answer to his findings.

“This might be simpler than we thought,” he whispers in your ear once you’ve joined him. “I found the security room and there was a guard inside. He recognized me and I chatted him up. He was more than willing to show me everything. Even better, the whole thing is computerized, so I can freeze the entire system, buying us more than enough time to get what we want.”

“Brilliant,” you purr with a grin that matches his. “I know the route to the diamond. It’s down the main hall and close to an exit. We can slip in and out in ten minutes.”

“Let the games begin,” Minseok says before a man comes up to the small stage with a podium. He taps the microphone, gaining everyone’s attention.

“Thank you all for gathering here today! As you know, since the day powers have come to be, our beautiful city has been the playground for many evil people to unleash destruction and corruption. No matter how hard our strong police force has tried, they are made up of simple men and women who cannot withstand the strength most of the city’s villains possess. Luckily, not all those with power use it for evil. Some use it to fight against their own, to make Exopolis safe for those who cannot fight back, to keep our children safe. Today, we pay homage to one of those heroes. A man who does what is right, not for fame or glory, as many others would, but because he loves this city. Everyone, please give a warm welcome to our city’s reigning hero, Thundercat!”

The place explodes with applause, you clap along robotically, ready for this to be over with.

Thundercat strolls up to the podium in his shiny leather black suit that hugs his muscles. He isn’t very broad nor tall, much to your surprise. His mask, as stated before, covers his entire head minus his mouth. His eyes are also visible, but the mask darkens them, obscuring any chance of his true identity.

“Thank you everyone,” he starts, waving at all the camera flashing furiously behind you all. He winks and the entire area fawns, you swear you even hear a few men sigh from the action. He laughs, enjoying the attention before sobering for his speech. “It genuinely is an honor to be up here today. Never have I ever imagined the people of Exopolis to welcome me in such a way, to believe in my fight for justice and allow me to do all that I can to bring peace to this wonderful city we all call home.”

Everyone claps accordingly before he continues. “I couldn’t have done all that I have without my fellow teammates, Rocky and Tornado. I hope within the next year, they too will receive statues of their own right beside mine. I want my statue to be a reminder to all those creating trouble in my city. I want them all to know that I will always be there, watching them, ready to stop whatever mischief they aim to start. I will not relent or give up on the good fight. These powers we have been graced with should not be used in vain. We could do a whole lot of good if we realized what a gift our powers are. Isn’t that better than destruction? The media labels us as monsters, but that doesn’t mean we have to be. Let’s show them who we really are. Let’s prove them wrong.”

His clouded eyes take in almost everyone in the room and you nearly jump out of your skin as they lock briefly with yours. “The choice is yours. But, if you do decide to play the role of the monster, I will stop at nothing to take you down.”

The applause is thunderous. The crowd going crazy over his words. Even outside the museum, where many civilians and fans have crowded to watch the speech on the screens broadcasting it over the lawn could be heard, making you wince. You can’t relate. His words leave a bitter taste in your mouth, and in an act of defiance you drop your pretenses and refuse to acknowledge his speech, not clapping along. You’re pleased to find Minseok still beside you as well. As your eyes travel the crowd, you notice a few others with hard faces, hands motionless at their sides, how interesting….

~*~

The speech, as inspiring as it was, doesn’t persuade you into stopping your plans and two hours later, you find yourself right back in the museum, now dressed in dark snake leather as you and Frostbite make your way within the building.

You’re shaking with nerves, something you have never done before and the odd sense of foreboding is hard to miss, but you shove it aside, not allowing it to get in the way of your formulated plan.

Sharing a look with Frostbite, you both nod before going your separate ways. The plan is simple. You’re going to be the one to fetch the diamond while Frostbite takes down the security system before meeting you in the room so you both can exit out into the maze-like garden behind the building that will lead you back to your getaway car only a few blocks away. The whole mission should take around ten minutes to execute and then you will have a brilliant blood diamond in your hands.

You wait for Frostbite’s signal, not daring to move with the system still on. Without warning, the power goes out, leaving you in complete darkness. That’s the signal.

You allow your pupils to retract to slits, allowing you to see and, without a fault in your step, you run into the building, retracing your steps from earlier until you enter the same room as before. You can’t help but stare at the jewel in awe, even without the spotlight, it still glows exquisitely. It still seems to reflect, relying now on the moonlight casting through the window. You take cautious steps as need drips into your veins. Your hand reaches out, ready to pluck it from its stand, but something makes you stop.

Your hands are sweaty, something that never happens and it feels as if all the hairs on your body are standing on end. You have never experienced such a reaction, but put it down to the weight of the moment.

Shaking off the tingling sensation in your skin, you press on. Fingers skim the smooth surface of the giant gem before you pause again at the sound of someone clearing his throat.

That isn’t Minseok.

“Why did I have the feeling you would try to steal the Blood Diamond tonight?” You slowly turn around, spotting a familiar leather suit.

“Thundercat,” you hiss. “What an honor to be in your presence.”

“Ah, but the honor is all mine,” he says, making his way towards you. “I see my speech had no effect on you.”

“I stopped listening the moment you started winking at cameras.”

He smirks at your reply. “Well, let me catch you up to speed. If you use your powers for the wrong reasons, I will be there to stop you. Hence, why I’m here now. Your time is up, Cobra. I’ve been waiting for this a long time.”

His words don’t mean a thing to you, instead you wonder briefly how he got into the building in the first place. Then you realize he has you cornered. You are going to have to fight your way out of here or you really would get caught. This could be the time Thundercat actually captures you, you nearly roll your eyes from the irony. You just hope that whatever happens, Minseok gets out unscathed.

“There is no way out,” Thundercat continues. “Surrender now and come with me down to the station.”

You crouch, hands at the ready. “Now what’s the fun in that?”

His lips press into a thin line before he bends his knees to match your stance. Without a word, you both attack. You throw an elbow that he dodges, quickly sweeping his leg under yours, causing you to fall backwards but before you can hit the ground, you do a backflip, landing silently on all fours before slithering back to him. You have never fought Thundercat before, but you can tell he is going easy on you. Every hit he lands stings with his electric current, but nothing you can’t handle.

You spin, swinging your hand so that the back of it will slap against his face, but he catches your wrist, pulling you flush against him.

“I think you’re going easy on me, Kitten. Is this some sick form of foreplay to you?” You taunt with a sly grin.

His eyes narrow at your assumption. “You’re not really my type. Too cold blooded.”

“What a shame,” you pout, before wrapping your legs around his waist, using the momentum to fall to the ground. Your strong thighs hold him in place as you wrap an arm around his neck, securing him in a headlock. He struggles briefly before touching your arm, static shock runs through it, startling you into loosening your grip.

“That’s enough, Cobra!” He snarls, his patience gone as he gets back to his feet. “You’re coming with me.”

“I don’t think so,” you say, standing with slight difficulty. “Not without my diamond.”

He scoffs. “All of this over a simple jewel?”

“Don’t you know?” You ask, tilting your head to the side and folding your arms over your chest. “I have an affinity for all things shiny.”

He opens his mouth to retort something but pauses, taken aback. “What…. What did you just say?”

His reaction confuses you, but you know an opening when you see one and take advantage of his distraction. Instead of answering him, you flood your mouth with venom and spit it right in his face. He tumbles back from the attack, yelping as it burns his face and mask.

You waste no more time. Knowing this is the only chance you have, you sprint towards the sparkly jewel. You reach out again for it, your hand nearly closing around it before a shock of white flashes before your eyes. Excruciating pain bursts from your shoulder, seizing your body until your struck stiff. You find yourself frozen, yet your body convulses as pain runs down your body. Your mouth is open in a silent scream, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you begin to lose consciousness. It’s gone as quickly as it came and you fall hard to the ground, vision blurry and ears ringing.

The world comes in and out as you try and fail to catch your bearings. You hear what sounds like a scuffle, but it’s as if it’s taking place under water. Your vision is still out of focus as you try to drag your body upright, to no avail. You finally move your arms in front of your, beginning to crawl when someone grabs them. You scream, trying your hardest to fight them off, but resign when Minseok’s voice comes from the person holding you. Despite him speaking through a mask and your ears still ringing violently, you hear the concern in his voice.

“We have to get out of here!” He yells before picking you up bridal style and running through the exit, escaping through the maze as planned.

You lose consciousness before he leaves the building.

~*~

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit!”

You slowly come to and even in your sleepy haze, there is no mistaking Minseok in the middle of a break down.

“Calm down,” you slur, dragging yourself upright.

“Oh, thank god!” Minseok rushes towards you, fretting over you helplessly as you take in your surroundings. Last thing you remember, you were touching the blood diamond, and now you are in Minseok’s living room.

“What happened?” You ask, voice scratchy from lack of use.

Minseok help you to a sitting position on the couch you are lying on. “Thundercat struck you! I went to make my escape and saw you convulsing with lightning coursing through you before you hit the ground! I took Thundercat down and got us the hell out of there before any more bad things could happen! Are you all right?”

It takes you a moment to wrap your head around the situation. “He…electrocuted me?”

Minseok nods earnestly.

“That bastard!” You holler, seeing red. Anger explodes within you. “I was so close! I felt the diamond in my hand! And he just—!”

You stop, staring blankly at Minseok as dread fills you up. “Min…. What time is it?”

He glances at his phone. “Two.”

“Two? In the morning? Jongdae is going to be worried sick! I have to go!”

“You’re not going anywhere!” Minseok says, pinning your shoulders to the back of the sofa. “I don’t think you realize, so let me say it again. You just got electrocuted. Lightning ran through your body! You’re lucky I couldn’t send you to the hospital, although that’s probably where you should be right now. You’re staying here and that’s final! Plus, I already called Jongdae and told him you were spending the night here.”

“Fine,” you concede after a short stare down. Mother Minseok is quite terrifying to be honest and you are too exhausted to fight your way out of the house. “But I have to be back first thing tomorrow.”

“Of course. In the meantime, let’s get some food in you.”

~*~

Your body is ridiculously sore the following day.

Cobra’s suit got burned badly at the shoulder, charred to a crisp. You think about how you’ll need to invest in more snake leather which doesn’t run cheap, before remembering your early retirement. Maybe it’s a sign.

The house is unnervingly silent as you enter and climb up the stairs, refraining from limping as you make your way to the shower.

Once washed, you examine the forming scar on your left shoulder. What appears as a multitude of pink tree branches stretching out across the stop of your shoulder before cascading down your arm and back. You shudder and quickly hide the hideous mark with an oversized sweater, ignoring the stiffness growing in the joint.

The next thing on your agenda is getting rid of the remnants of your suit, which you take care of by stuffing it in a discarded dresser in your room.

“How was the event?” You jump as the deep voice fills the empty space. Although spoken rather quietly, it sounds like a bomb going off in the silence.

You brace yourself before finally facing your husband, taking in his form as he slouches in a chair at the corner of the large suite. Off the bat, you can see his exhaustion. Still clothed in the white button down—albeit wrinkly—and black slacks he left in the night before. His hair sticks up in all directions and deep purple bags sag miserably under his eyes.

He looks how you feel.

“Uh….” You’re too fatigued to come up with anything clever, so you switch it up and tell the truth. “Interesting. Thundercat was there, obviously. It was strange…seeing him in person.”

“Yeah?” He asks. Unlike his body, his dark eyes are alert, taking in your every move with intent. “What kind of trouble did you and Minseok find yourselves in afterwards?”

An eyebrow lifts at his wording, but you choose to ignore it, paranoia probably stemming from lack of sleep. “Nothing too exciting. Ate unhealthy food and watched cringy movies.”

“Sounds fun,” he replies, but he sounds distracted, as if he isn’t actually listening. He drops his head down, now watching his hands rest limply on his lap.

“What about you?” You ask, turning the conversation away from yourself. “How was your night?”

He lets out a heavy tired breath. “Long. I had to fire a supervisor last night. Turns out this whole time they were plotting against me. They weren’t the person I thought them to be.”

“Damn,” you sympathize after an unsettlingly heavy silence. “That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” He takes you in again. “I missed you though.”

You give him a tight-lipped smile before slowly making your way to him. “I missed you too.”

He stands and meets you in the middle, placing his hands on your hips to stop you from closing the space completely.

“What—?” The question sticks to your tongue as one of his hands comes up to brush some damp hair from your face. He studies you so intensely you forget how to breath. His eyes taking in every little feature, committing it to memory.

“Do you remember how we met?” He suddenly asks. You nod, but before you can answer he does. “It was at a museum. One very similar to the one you were in last night. Filled with luxurious items—jewelry, golden artifacts, and priceless art—but nothing in that building held my attention quite like you did.”

His confession is sweet enough to give you a toothache and his earnest leaves you breathless. You can’t help but whisper his name affectionately, but he hushes you softly, not quite done with his speech.

“From the first moment I met you I was captivated. I would give you my life if you asked. I was so enraptured by your beauty and mystery that I always failed to ask…. What led you into that museum in the first place?”

The question confuses you, where exactly is Jongdae going with all of this?

He answers your unasked question. “But then it hit me. You’ve always had an affinity for shiny things.”

A wave of vertigo hits as the familiar phrase is said. All of a sudden you yank yourself from his grip, the contact making you too overwhelmed to think straight as confusion fills you up inside. An odd need to escape triggers your adrenaline and the walls appear to be closing in on you. “I need something to drink.”

You turn on your heels, resisting the urge to make a run for it, but then there is a sound of something tearing and everything abruptly stops.

Slowly, you glance behind you and the first thing you take notice to is your sweater clutched in Jongdae’s fist. A rush of cold air rises goosebumps on the exposed flesh of your shoulder. The same shoulder Thundercat hit last night.

Jongdae takes in the pink welting scar with wide eyes in disbelief. There is something else there also, but it’s an emotion you have never seen within him before, a foreign look you can’t seem to place.

That’s until he speaks.

“I knew it,” he whispers with a wobbly voice, stare still locked on the grim reminder of who you are, of what you do.  

His remark drives you to action and you scramble to hide the retched imperfection with your now shredded sweater, covering modestly before facing him fully. His face is now void of any emotion, which is a first, but his arms are flexed at his sides, hands tightly wound fists.

“Jongdae.” You call almost frantically. Still unsure of what exactly is going on, but knowing something is amiss.

He acknowledges you, but the blankness in his eyes leaves you terrified. “Get out.”

His words are a solid slap to the face, but more painful. It’s chilling, the twisted dark tone of his voice. The hairs on your arms rise and it’s like déjà vu when the static fills the air. You find yourself braced for an attack, preparing for another shock to your system as your husband glares at you with storms brewing in his eyes. That’s when you notice the strange puckering of his flesh above the side of his mouth, as if he had gotten burned by something.

By, say, your venom.

It all clicks then and you struggle to breathe as the reality of the situation crashes down on you like a tsunami. The static, your words from yesterday, him knowing about your scar, the abrupt coldness from him….

Kim Jongdae is Thundercat.

A multitude of emotions ransack you in a second from the epiphany before settling on your favorite—anger.

“What are you going to do?” You ask, voice dripping like poison. “Strike me?”

His eyes narrow and now you know that he knows that you know that he knows. “Don’t give me a reason to, Love. Right now, I have no problem matching that shoulder of yours.”

“Asshole,” you mutter, shaken to your core by his response.

He acts unfazed. “Go now before I drag you to the police station.”

“Oh, please do!” You goad. “I’m sure that will look great for your campaign.”

His jaw tightens at your statement, but he refuses to humor you with a reply. His lack of fight angers you further and you scoff. “Be that way! I was just leaving!”

With that, you storm out of your home of six years, fighting tears that eventually win in the safety of your car.

~*~

Two days.

It takes two days for you to fully come to terms with what happened.

You’re not all that proud of how you handled the situation—bawling your eyes out in the shower until it ran cold and drinking yourself to sleep the first night. The second was filled with you ranting and raving to Minseok, who was shook to his core at the circumstances you were both now in. And then you sat numbly for hours staring at a wall before you decidedly got over it.

In all that time, Jongdae hasn’t attempted to reach you once, the bastard. As frustrating as that is, you know he is coming to terms with this his own way. He just found out that the woman he was in love with is one of his biggest enemies. You can only imagine.

No. You refuse to feel any sympathy for the man. It’s not like you are in love with him. Not like your heart is aching from the separation. This whole marriage is a sham. One you created to survive in this dark world. His revelation might have set you back some, but you are a survivor. Always have been.

“I have to go to the house,” you tell Minseok. He didn’t take the news of Thundercat’s true identity any better than you had. You both know the ramifications of Jongdae’s newfound knowledge. If you both want to remain free, you will have to run, simple as that. It still sucks. Minseok’s restaurant is flourishing and it also meant Cobra and Frostbite are back in business.

“Jongdae let you walk free once. Knowing him, there won’t be a second. If he’s there….” Minseok left the implication to your imagination, but you have already thought out every single scenario there is.

“I’m not leaving without my jewels. That’s my ticket out of here.” You took nothing with you when you left the house. If you both are going to ditch town, you will need money to do it, and all that you own is currently stashed in a hole in a wall of your closet. “It’s been two days, Min. Aren’t you curious as to why he hasn’t dropped the ball on us yet? He’s had plenty of time to snitch, but he hasn’t. At the end of the day, I’m still his wife and he needs me if he wants to become governor. I think this is all just a show. He’s angry and I understand, but he loves me. He won’t hurt me.”

“Jongdae, maybe,” Minseok concedes. “Thundercat? Absolutely not. Justice is his main concern and he will put what is right over everything else—you included”

“Then I’ll deal with it when the time comes.” You shrug. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning. I need those jewels.”

“Alright,” Minseok relents. “Be safe. Be tough. You know better than I how persuasive politicians can be.”

~*~

And that’s how you find yourself in your closet hours later, stuffing handfuls of jewelry into the backpack you brought with you. Getting into your home is a lot easier than anticipated, but you figure it’s due to Jongdae’s hectic schedule.

Once the bag is secure, you rush down the steps, coming to a stop when you enter the living room and see him. In the darkness, he’s only a figure hovering over the door, legs spread apart and arms folded over his chest.

So much for easy. You almost sigh.

“You must think I’m an idiot.” His voice is still hard, void of any affection he ever held for you. You adjust your eyes to the darkness and instantly catch the feral look in his eyes. He’s beyond furious.

“I could never think so lowly of you,” you say.

“Then why are you here?” He growls with a quirked brow.

You wrap your hands securely around the straps of the backpack resting on your shoulders. “We both know why.”

He gathers what’s in the bag and smiles wickedly. “It’s not because you missed me?”

“What is there to miss?” You slip, regretting it instantly when hurt flashes across his features.

He hides it quickly. “I was wondering, you know, how much of it was real. Did you know who I was the entire time? How does that saying go? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?”

“So what if it was?” You push out, ignoring the stab in your chest from lying. “You were the best protection for me. Nobody could ever suspect a governor’s wife of doing such heinous crimes. You were the perfect cover.”

He scans you with slight disgust and when he speaks again, his tone is absolute. “I want a divorce.”

You don’t expect that. You nearly laugh at the statement, but it’s the most serious he has ever been and that sets you off.

“Fine!” You snarl. “None of it meant anything anyways.”

“I bet you’ll be relieved. We both know you weren’t fit for office.”

That stings a bit. Despite your distaste for anything political, you tried your best to be the wife Jongdae needed. You thought he understood at least that much.

You take a deep breath, reigning in your emotions before you slip up and tell the truth. “Well, now that that’s all settled, could you please move so I can go?”

“Oh, we both know I can’t let you leave with that.” He nudges his chin to the bag at your back and you tighten your hold on it.

Your eyes narrow. “I said please.”

He shakes his head. “I let you leave last time because you were my wife. I refuse to do that again, Cobra.”

This time you allow a laugh. “Oh, so I’m Cobra now? Well then, Thundercat, let’s dance.”

He finally drops his hands, blue lightning crackles menacingly over his hands and forearms and you are transfixed. How can he harness such power and keep it a secret from you for so long? Kim Jongdae is deadly and bright and you’re drawn like a moth to a flame.

It terrifies you.

“No powers.” You gulp, still lost in his light. “That’s cheating.”

“Whatever.” He yields and the bolts vanish as quickly as they came. “If you want to leave this house, you’ll have to kill me with your bare hands.”

“That was the plan,” you say before leaping over the couch, going for his throat. He dodges the attack easily, expecting it. You both are well versed in martial arts, needing it for your aliases and he proves a worthy opponent. It’s as much a mind game as physical.

You kick his chest and he flies into the wall behind him with a bang. He scrambles to his feet, leaving a dent in the wall as he rushes you, throwing a left hook that connects with your jaw. You stumble back, tripping over a table.

The fight continues for a while. All of your décor becoming ammo as you use anything around you to your advantage. The house is trashed as you both fight throughout the halls, accumulating bruises and cuts. Jongdae throws you into the kitchen and you land next to a paring knife. As discreetly as you can be, you tuck it away before somersaulting to your feet. Using the island as leverage, you lift your legs up, wrapping your thighs around Jongdae’s neck before pushing away, your momentum bringing you both to the floor. He flips you easily and slaps your face so hard you see stars. Blood gushes from your nose and you cough as he stands, using your current distraction to kick you in the stomach a few times. You blindly throw a punch, hitting him right in the groin. He yelps, falling sideways painfully. Free from an attack, you crawl back to a standing position, shoving away the pain your body is in, you head for the door. Before you can touch it, Jongdae grips your backpack, yanking you towards him as he pulls the bag off, tossing it aside while simultaneously spinning you around and shoving you against the wall, holding your there with a hand to your chest.

You’re just as fast. As soon as he has you pinned, you pull the knife you grabbed earlier, pressing it dangerously against the skin below his chest.

Now at a stalemate, you both attempt to catch your breaths. The electricity resting in his palm tingles the skin of your chest, it stings slightly as it buzzes, roaring with immense power. All it will take is a single thought and he can surge enough electricity into you to stop your heart. On the other hand, you just needed to push the knife up to lodge it under his ribs, puncturing most of his vital organs.

You both watch each other, chests heaving from the fight. His chiseled face is drenched in sweat and blood, muddy brown hair sticking to his face, falling into his eyes, one of which is showing signs of swelling. His mouth is open, trying to swallow as much air as possible with ragged breathes. His eyes, which only a few seconds ago held nothing but fury, simmer down to a tender look you knew all too well, one that causes your heart to race in a different beat.

The pressure on your chest loosens.

“I…I can’t do it,” he admits quietly.

Your eyebrows furrow as you snarl, “What do you mean you can’t?”

His eyes bounce between yours. “I can’t kill you.”

“No,” you object, anger rushing through your veins. Your vision becomes obscured with unshed tears and your throat burns with them. “Fight me! This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Do it!”

He’s resolute when he talks. “You want your freedom, I’m giving it to you.” The hand that sits on your chest lowers to capture your own, wrapping around the knife you hold, adding pressure to his skin.

You gasp from the action and the tears fall. You’re sobbing, hand shaking as you fight with yourself. He’s right. This is your way out. You never loved the man, only used him for his power. Yet, why couldn’t you do it? It’s as if something holds you back, not allowing you to lose him forever.

“I love you,” he whispers against your forehead, a tear of his own falls.

You make your decision.

The clatter of the knife hitting the ground is drowned out by the hungry clash of your lips against his. It’s almost feral the way you both fight each other, but this time for dominance over the kiss. His hands cup your face tightly as you yank him closer by his shirt before sliding your hands up around his neck, pulling him down to your size.

He growls, running his hands down your frame until he’s cupping the backs of your thighs, bringing them up around his waist before slamming you painfully against the wall. You scream and he chuckles darkly, the sound turning you on more than you ever have been before. Driven by desperate desire, you tear his shirt off of him, kissing his sweaty firm pecs. He pulls away from the wall, sitting you roughly onto a dresser nearby. Once stable, you shove him back, pulling your shirt over your head before going for the button of his jeans. You’re need has never been stronger. Nothing, not even all of the jewelry you have taken has been able to feed your addiction quite like the way Jongdae is at this moment. You are truly high off of his body, his mouth, the beautiful noises leaving it.

“You want this?” He asks, voice giving away just how badly he wants you in turn. His hands meet your bare skin and you gasp. He’s too lost in you to fully control his power and for the first time he allows the currents to lick at you, tickling your sides in a soft heat.

“Shut up,” you mumble against his lips before biting his bottom one harshly. He hisses and snatches you off the dresser, banging your face against another wall. The pictures hanging on the wall of you both fall to the ground in a loud crash as he yanks your pants down before entering you roughly.

Sex with Jongdae has always been more of a chore. Something that came with the job of being his lover. There were times when it actually meant something, but for the most part, it was just sex.

Not this time.

Now that you have let your guard down and stopped lying to yourself about your true feelings for the man, it is brand new, your real first time. It is a mixture of desperate love making and vengeful fucking. The odd mix of pleasure and pain leads you both to the biggest most mind-blowing orgasms ever and you find yourself on your back beside him gasping for breath. He throws you a cocky grin that you instantly want to smack off, so you do, cackling before climbing back onto him for another round.

~*~

“You know,” you start, voice hoarse from overuse and sleep. You somehow made your way to the bedroom and are now cuddled comfortably deep within the blankets. Sweat still sits on you both, sticking you together wherever your skin connects. He’s lying on his back while you’re sprawled over his chest. “I’m kind of upset you always dismissed the fact I would constantly get shocked when I touched you. It all makes sense now.”

He bursts into laughter and you pout, but it quickly melts into a tender smile at the pleasant sound. His finger makes a lazy trail across your spine, the currents under his skin humming against your own. You are still amazed by how well he was able to hide such a mighty ability for so long. “I couldn’t admit the real reason why that was happening to you without giving myself away.”

“What are the odds that we are who we are?” You muse, baffled by the coincidence. “How did I end up married to my enemy?”

“Hey,” Jongdae protests. “I’m the superhero. So, that makes youthe enemy.”

You roll your eyes and hit his bare chest lightly. “There’s nothing super about you.”

“Oh?” He asks teasingly. “I think your screams from earlier beg to differ.”

“Ugh.” You groan and shake your head playfully. This is nice and different. Both of you are exposed—both literally and figuratively—now that your biggest secrets are out in the open. There is nothing more to hide, and you now felt you could be your complete and honest self with him for the first time in all the years you’ve been together.

This thought sobers you and you realize there is more to reveal. “Our whole relationship is a lie.”

The phrase sits in the air, a hovering elephant in the room. It pulls Jongdae away from the cloud nine he had been in, back to reality where the future didn’t seem as bright.

“Did you really marry me because I’m Thundercat?” He asks, voice quiet.

“No,” you reassure ardently. “I had no idea you were Thundercat until you kicked me out. That being said, I was still using you, but it was because you were rich.”

“What is your obsession with wealth?” He asks, hand tightening around you in frustration.

“I had none of it growing up,” you reply casually. “And I didn’t want to be like the rest of my family. I wanted something more, something bigger. I wanted a life of luxury and you could give that to me.”

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” He asks through clenched teeth.

You nod. “Everything and more because…because I get to live it with you.”

He hesitates at that, deciding whether or not to be still be angry before giving up with a chuckle. You see this as a sign to continue. Swallowing your pride, you shove down the awkwardness at being cheesy and let your heart do the talking for once. “I lied when I said our marriage meant nothing to me. It means everything. Youmean everything, Kim Jongdae. It might have taken us beating the living shit out of each other for me to realize it, but believe me when I say there is nobody else I would rather fight with—rather fight for.”

His smile grows bigger with every word and he’s kissing you before you can get the last word out. It’s soft, loving, and passionate. When the need to breath is too urgent to ignore, he pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours. “I lied about wanting a divorce. I was hurt, betrayed. I felt like our entire relationship was a lie—”

“It technically is,” you remind and he rolls his eyes at your words.

“But when it came down to it, I couldn’t pull the trigger. I love you too much.”

“But can you love the real me?” You ask mutely. “Not the girl that I created for you, but me. Someone who doesn’t share the same values as you? Someone who has hurt a lot of people and has done a lot of unredeemable things? Who has caused more harm than good? Can you truly love the real me?”

He lifts a hand to trail a humming finger down the side of your face, his own features are relaxed in a way you’ve never seen before. He appears completely at ease, safe here wrapped in your arms. “I’m positive I can. It’ll be fun, don’t you think? Falling in love again?”

You grin before turning to kiss the finger still pressed to your flesh and he laughs airily at the action.

“I’m retiring Cobra,” you reveal.

His eyes widen in surprise. “For me?”

You shrug. “She was getting old anyways. Plus, there isn’t much left for me to take now is there?”

He grins. “Let’s make a promise then. You can stop being Cobra and start being my wife and I won’t snitch and allow you to keep all you’ve already taken.”

You nearly cry. “You’d do that for me?”

He nods eagerly. “It wouldn’t look good for my image anyways. Now, tell me more about you. The real you. Not the person you pretended to be for me.”

You both sank deeper into the bed. “Well, for starters, I never went to college.”

“Damn,” he snaps his fingers. “I really liked that about you.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint. Minsoek really is my cousin though. I didn’t lie about that.”

“Wait, does that mean Minseok is Frostbite?!”

You sigh. “This is going to be a long night.”

~*~

Six Months Later

Exo’s national anthem blares through the speakers as you stand in front of the crowd waving happily as you cling to your husband, who is just as—if not more—excited as you, Jongdae. Or, as he will be called for now, Governor Kim.

It’s hard to believe that you can’t be happier. Jongdae is achieving his dreams, fighting the good fight even harder from a new playing field.

“I’m so proud of you,” you whisper in his ear and he beams down at you before kissing you deeply. The crowd loses it as you both separate, eyes sparkling at one another before giving your attention back to the people of the city you will now help to better.

The past six months has been a whole other brand of battles. You both decided on an honesty pact since getting back together, swearing to tell the truth and nothing but. It’s refreshing and beneficial. Both learning new things about each other every day while building a strong foundation of trust. Minseok opened that second ice cream parlor he was talking about, gaining even more popularity, if that was even possible. He and you kept your word and retired the suits, although he was a tad disappointed that you wouldn’t be acquiring the Blood Diamond. To be honest, it didn’t upset you much. Your need for superficial things has waned greatly now that you have something else to be passionate about—leading a city. And maybe one day a country.

But you are getting carried away. Life, you’ve learned, is all about baby steps.

Jongdae leads you to a room inside the capital building with a flourish, bringing you into a spacious room.

“This is my office,” he says with wide arms and a satisfied grin. The floor to ceiling windows against the back wall reveals a beautiful view of the city.

“It’s big,” is all you can say.

He lifts a knowing eyebrow, allowing you your truth.

“It’s old,” you say. “And it smells stuffy.”

He makes an agreeable sound from the back of his throat. “It needs a lot of work, just like our city. But, with your help, I’m sure it will look like the office of a governor.”

“Have I mentioned already how proud I am of you?” You ask, approaching him and wrapping your arms around him. He returns the favor.

“Yes. Like sixty times since the announcement.”

“Well, I’m proud of you.” You smile up at him and he leans down to kiss the top of your head.

“I’m proud of you too,” he whispers into your hair and you feel like a child getting a gold star at school. It is nice to know that all your hard work is paying off.

“I’ve been thinking,” Jongdae starts once you pull away slightly. “We should get married.”

“But, we are married?” You question.

“Yeah, but I married a stranger,” he counters. “I want to marry you. Let’s renew our vows.”

You laugh. “If you insist. I could marry you over and over again if I could.”

“Then it’s settled. Let’s make change together.”

“Whatever you say, Thundercat.”

[baekberrie]

🍁f o r g e t - bbh🍁

Baekhyun x Reader x Jongdae

Genre: Angst, romance, two-shot

Part 2

"I'm sorry,"

His voice was unusually soft when he spoke the first words, his eyes were gazing into yours, but they were void of any emotion. These words could never mean anything well, and although your hand was still in his, you were fearing; suddenly paranoid. The way he was holding it was different, lighter, just as if he was going to let go and before you could help it, you were already tightening your fingers around his.

"What- Jongdae, what do you mean?" The words felt like thick syrup in your throat and they caused you, even more, fear, in your chest was your heart hammering against your ribs, teeth digging into your cheek as you searched for something in his eyes, anything, that could promise you the opposite of what you were expecting. But you were only to be disappointed when he didn't waver, at this point, you were sure that your heart was starting to crack, waiting for the final blow.

"We should break up." Even though you had expected exactly this to happen, the words still crashed on you like a wave, it felt as if ice had been dumped at you because the moment the words left his lips, you felt your heart stop. Something warm burned behind your eyes and you were blinking furiously before it could cloud your view.

Unfair. It was unfair, he was unfair. It was so unfair that he had to look so unavoidably beautiful in a moment like this when his fingers were loosening from yours, when he was letting you go.

An angel, he was an actual angel.

His brown hair was impeccable, parted in the middle, leaving a clear spot of his forehead. His skin pale and silky smooth, his lips, oh, his lips were the most beautiful thing you acknowledged on this earth, colored in a faint pink and incredibly smooth, and warm.

The question why tumbled over your lips, voice shaking so much that it had been practically impossible to help it, at that Jongdae sent you an apologizing stare, guilty but also pitiful. As if he knew too well that his next words were going to stab you very deeply and he was feeling bad for you. And to be frank, you hated it.

"I'm just not, in love with you anymore. And I'm really so sorry to say this now, in this stage of our relationship, but I hope you understand that I-" Jongdae halted for a moment to sigh frustratedly, it made you more anxious that he wasn't saying it all at once because it was just extending the blinding pain of your clenching heart.

"I hope you understand that I can't go on like this. Y/n, I love you, just not that way." But I do, the words lingered on your tongue. His hand was not holding yours anymore, and you already missed the warmth of his body. It was cold. And while you eyed him with wide glazed eyes, his other hand proceeded to slide off the engagement ring from his ring finger, took your hand and pushed the small diamond into your palm. You couldn't help the tear that fell flatly on your cheek.

He had just returned your heart, in the worst shape you could ever get it back. Broken was an understatement. The pain was so strong that you felt it spread through your whole body. Feet glued into the ground, legs weak and trembling when all you wanted to do was to run away from him.

You didn't know how you managed the smile on your lips as you nodded understandingly.

"Of course, I understand. I hope life will go well for you." You were asking yourself why you still were keeping back the tears instead of screaming at him and hitting his chest as any other person would have done. He was your husband to be after all. Was.

Jongdae bit his lips, nodding uncertainly, looking uneasy. He probably didn't know what to say now that you had answered him, and you understood it.

And then he did the last thing you expected him to do. His warm hands were suddenly back on your face, and foolishly for a moment, you thought that perhaps the past minutes had indeed been just a very bad nightmare. Jongdae's warm and damp lips pressed against your forehead. His lips lingered for a while, though you were so shocked that you hadn't even gotten the time to relax against him that he had already stepped away.

A soft "Goodbye," lingered in the thick air of his apartment, you returned the words just as quiet and hurriedly made you away outside the entrance door. Leaving behind you everything you had been through together. Everything. At least so you thought.

Because when you were outside in the rain it finally got to you that you weren't going to see him smile at you anymore. Those crescent moons of his would never be directed at you anymore. His laughter had been one of your favorite things, and even though you could recall it perfectly, it seemed to fade away the more you thought about it. His long fingers weren't going to protectively curl around your anymore. Jongdae wasn't going to let you hear his angelic singing ever again. Jongdae was gone.

A sob erupted from your lips and the salty tears mixed with the cold rain on your face. A sudden urge of running back inside, into his arms just to hear him say that he never left you overwhelmed you, but you fought it back. Hands clutching your aching heart as you crouched down. Eyes tightly shut as the tears fell unto the ground until it became mud.

Though you opened your eyes because as if it wasn't enough, Jongdae's smile had to flash in front of you as soon as you closed them. You hoped that this wasn't going to haunt you forever. And what were you going to do with the rings? Yours was still placed on your finger. You had never removed it from the moment he had slid it on you.

It took you a while to realize that the rain wasn't landing on your hair anymore. Your thoughts had been clouding your mind so much that you hadn't been hearing how the water splashed on something that wasn't the ground. Dizziness came to you when you whipped your head upwards too fast, only to see the impermeable texture of an umbrella hovering above of you. Just as quickly you faced the person who was holding it. Your eyes widened when they met a pair of familiar warm orbs.

Despite the pain in your chest, your heart still fluttered the view of the blonde man crouching beside you with a genuine look on his face. This face, this person, you knew him very well. You and he had been very close as teenagers, it must have been a good amount of years since you last saw him. Sadly you had parted ways after school and seeing each other had stopped being an option in all of the work the both of you had been into.

You remembered when his hair had still been black and a bit too long, you also recalled his title as heartthrob of the school. His face looked exactly the same, there were a couple of differences though, maybe it was the bright hair color, but his cheekbones were sharper, his jaw too.

His chocolate brown eyes held no pity for the state that you were in, you were sure that you weren't exactly looking splendid; and that your mascara was probably smudged under your eyes. But that was what made a warm feeling of comfort spread inside of you. He was only showing genuine worry, and even if he felt pity for you, you were glad that he wasn't showing it. You didn't need anyone to remind you how miserable you were.

"Baekhyun?" His name rolled off your tongue breathlessly, tears still sliding down your now flushed cheeks, you almost couldn't believe your own eyes when a soft smile displayed on his puffy lips, was he really there?

"That's me," He whispered, and for some reason, his voice felt so relieving.

There was a soft breeze rustling the yellow and red leaves around, his platinum fringe following their movement on his forehead.

"What are you doing here outside, you'll get sick." He stated obviously and suddenly you felt ashamed. You hadn't realized how stupid you had actually been looking, crouched under the rain and sobbing loudly. The blood rushed to your cheeks without your permission and you just pointed your eyes downwards, more tears welling at the waterline. What am I doing?

Gentle fingers hooked under your chin, lifting your gaze up to his. It was almost strange how easily he was touching you. It had been years since you had last seen each other and you couldn't say for him, but personally, you would never have been able to get into the skinship that you had before after being distant for so long.

Baekhyun let the pad of his thumb run ever so softly on the tear-stained spots of your right cheek, and the carefulness in his touch made your tears spill once more, he was touching you like he was afraid you would break anytime, compared to Jongdae who had considered you broken from the start of your conversation.

Lip caught in your teeth you tried to keep in the sob, only to have Baekhyun frowning with concern, taking small steps closer.

"Hey," He soothed, "What's wrong?" How were you supposed to tell him that your fiance had dumped you? That he wasn't in love with you anymore, while he pretty much still had you around his finger.

Mouth quivering, you broke down.

"Everything."

His eyes widened in disbelief.

"Oh, honey," Baekhyun murmured sweetly as he quickly discarded the umbrella to the side, taking you into his embrace, ignoring the way he was ruining his signed pants against the muddy ground. And you could only remark that he was so warm, so comforting, that his scent was just as dazzling and sweet as it had been years ago.

"Whatever is wrong, we'll fix it." He whispered into your ear, hot breath tickling your skin. If it wasn't for your state, you would have probably scoffed, because there was no way someone could fix your heart, your relationship with Jongdae.

But at that moment, when he said it, you trusted it. That he could fix it, fix you. In fact, Baekhyun could've said the most ridiculous thing in the world, and you would have believed him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do not own gif!

hi hi hi there, so I know this isn't either the cozy one shot or the him and her update that I promised. But today this popped into my head when I was walking to the train station. Here where I live it's fully fall and I felt really inspired.

I'm really bad at angst lol, but maybe this wasn't that bad.

Oh also, I'm contemplating making a second part to this? I mean only if you guys want it, of course, you may suggest what you want to happen next and I'll consider it!

Have a lovely day loves🍁💖

[add-v-bae]

Day 1

Rating: G

Pair: Jongdae x Reader Word count: 246 Prompt: “Tea is much better than cocoa!”

24 Days til Christmas masterlist

You let out a heavy sigh as you trudged into the house, kicking snow off your boots. “I’m home!” you called, hoping your boyfriend was in. 

There was immediately footsteps and soon you were being scooped up into his arms, grunting from the pressure on your aching muscles. “Jongdae, not right now...” you grunted out.

He pulled back and frowned. “Bad day?”

You nodded. “I had to stand outside for an hour waiting for a client...I’m freezing and tense.”

Jongdae nodded and set you down. “Okay, I’ll get started on cocoa then. Want marshmallows?” he asked, getting out a pot.

You shook your head and sat at the table. “Put on some water, I’d like some tea...” you said, dropping your head to the table.

He paused, turning to look at you. “Tea? But cocoa is the perfect thing to help destress though.”

You lifted your head to look at your boyfriend, surprised by his response. “Green tea is proven to be good for stress?”

The brunette instantly grimaced. “But it’s so bitter! Wouldn’t you rather have something sweet and tasty?” he asked, sliding over to you and leaning against the table.

You were silent for a moment before setting your hand on his leg. “Jongdae. Make me some tea. Please.”

He pouted and moved closer, kissing the top of your head. “Fiiiine. I love you, even if you do have crap taste in beverages,” he said, turning to go and fix you your warm drink.

[ohhmydyosfics]

(Xiuchen) An Overwhelmed Heart

SnowSpark Prompt No: 569

Prompt: "Are you really just bored? Or is your love just quiet and sure?"

Five years into his relationship with Minseok, Jongdae has a retrospection of the love he and his boyfriend have built for themselves.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38027443

[artificialskyway-archives]

Games and Love

Type: Fluff/ Smut

Member: Jongdae

Length: 1273

~Admin RatedM

    “Oh hey Y/N! What are you doing here?” your friend Jongdae greets once he opens the door for you. He must’ve just taken a shower, because he’s shirtless and his hair is wet, slightly dripping.

    “Damn…” you let out. You couldn’t help but stare at his spectacular body. He laughs at you, a red tint now covering his cheeks. Realizing what you just said, you quickly shake out of your gaze. “Shit. Uh- I’m sorry.” You drop your head in embarrassment, hoping you didn’t just ruin everything.

    “Haha, that’s okay. I tend to have that effect on people,” he jokes before moving to the side to let you in. You smack his arm as you enter, taking off your shoes by the door. “So, what brings you by? And at three in the morning?”

    “Well, I was at home watching a movie because I couldn’t sleep, but Wheein came home from that frat party and kicked me out to get laid. So I came here, hoping you’d still be awake. By the way, who takes a shower at three in the morning?” you ask while watching your friend slip on a shirt and dry his hair.

    “Couldn’t sleep either, and I felt all sweaty from being under the covers so I took a shower. But now that you’re here, wanna play the new game I got?”

    “Only if we can build a fort like we did last time. Ever since then playing video games doesn’t feel the same,” you declare.

    “Aw. Couldn’t play without me? I’m touched,” Jongdae teases.

    “No. I couldn’t play without all those pillows and blankets surrounding me like a big hug. You were just my snack boy,” you tease back.

    “Snack boy? Oh hell no!” Jongdae whines as he throws a couch pillow at you. He jumps over the couch and is at your side in a second, tickling you until you’re on your back screaming and giggling.

    “Ah!! Okay! Okay! You’re not just my snack boy! Ah!!!” you scream as you push him off of you. You’re both out of breath and laughing like crazy before you finally get up and grab the blankets for the fort.

    30 minutes and an amazing fort later, you’re both snuggled next to each other on the floor playing the night away. Hours pass, and you beat Jongdae 5-3 rounds. You’re getting sleepy, but you persevere to last at least another hour. “Babe, it’s six in the morning, don’t you think you should sleep?” Jongdae asks, fatigue evident in his voice.

    You grunt. You drop your head on your pillow, nodding into it. He chuckles, plopping next to you and you both are falling fast asleep before you know it.

    You finally wake up from your long nap, not having any idea of where you are. You start to freak out, until you turn and see Jongdae there, sleeping soundly. You can’t help but smile. He looks so cute when he’s sleeping. You’ve always had a bit of a crush on him, but it was never enough to say anything and mess everything up. Besides, there was no way you were good enough for him. He’s perfect, and you felt like a potato. You quietly try to get up, until you feel something tighten around you. It’s Jongdae’s arm. His arm is wrapped around you, and he’s holding on tight. He must have done it by accident; there’s no way he’d actually want to be so close to you. You try to pull away again, but he pulls you closer to him again, your noses now touching. Your eyes practically pop out of your head. What is happening? Is he still asleep? He can’t be. There’s no way he’s asleep. But you’re just his friend. He can’t-. Jongdae’s eyes open, staring right into your shocked ones. He gives you a sleepy smile before draping a leg over yours, trapping you in his embrace. He rubs his nose softly over yours, like a cute, little eskimo kiss. Your cheeks are warm as an oven and your cheeks are bright red. You can’t hold yourself back anymore and you lean closer, your lips landing on his soft ones. He’s smiling really big now, and he kisses you back. His hand goes from your lower back to the back of your head, prolonging the kiss. It’s passionate but soft, and it send sparks flying in your heart. The butterflies in your stomach are long gone and you get even bolder, pushing him on his back. You straddle Jongdae, and he wraps both arms around you in response. The kiss is heated now and you feel like your body is on fire. You move to get more comfortable, accidentally rubbing against his bulge. He moans into the kiss, and it’s the most sinful but beautiful thing you’ve ever heard. You moan softly in response, grinding into him now to get more of those delicious sounds out of him. He grunts and whines, hands moving to your hips to make you grind even harder into him. You build a steady rhythm, the both of you getting closer and closer to your end. You break the kiss to move down to his neck, making sure to mark up his jaw on the way there. He gasps at the feeling of your lips on him, and he softly moans your name when you suck on the sweet spot of his neck.

    You feel your body tightening but you’re trying to hold on and wait for him. “I-I’m so close Baby,” Jongdae moans. You grind harder into him, the friction being too much to handle. You finally let go, your body going rigid as you reach your climax. He looks at your face and moans softly, the fucked out look on your face sending him over the edge. You collapse on top of him, rolling off quickly to keep from crushing him. He drapes an arm over your waist, bringing himself closer to you.

    After a few minutes of winding down, you look at each other. Neither of you can hold it in any longer, and you both laugh. You’re both laughing uncontrollably, grabbing your stomachs and gasping for breath. Once you both calm down, Jongdae looks at you with what you can only describe as love in his eyes. “So..I think I need another shower,” he starts, a chuckle leaving his lips, “care to join me?” A blush settles on your cheeks, but you feel the stickiness from your own orgasm and you squirm as discomfort takes over.

    “I’d like that,” you shyly accept. He grins softly, leaning in close to you now, lips lightly brushing against yours.

    “And what if I asked you to be my girlfriend?” Jongdae questions nervously. Despite his boldness, it’s all a facade. He’s nervous as hell, knowing he’s not good enough for someone as beautiful and wonderful as you.

    Now it was your turn to smile widely. “I’d like that a lot,” you say against his lips.

Masterlist

[shesdreamingofamonster]

A Royal Holiday

Word Count: 788

Genre: Royalty AU, Fluff

Pairing: Jongdae/Chen x Reader

Summary: You celebrate Christmas with your husband at the castle.

As Requested. :)

Whenever the holidays came around, Jongdae made sure the castle was fit for the occasion. You would walk through to find Christmas trees in various rooms, tinsel everywhere, the finest decorations that money could buy. Your maids made their way over to you, with a beautiful red dress in hand. The material was a very soft velvet with jewels sewn in to accent the color. “Your highness, the king has instructed that you were given this dress to wear today. When you woke up, Jongdae had already left your quarters, probably doing some important business so he can enjoy the holiday with you later. He always bought you the most beautiful things, this dress was no exception. You told him that he needn’t bother with all of the nice things, but he would respond that you were his queen and his queen deserved the best.

It took you a while to get used to letting people help you get ready. When you had been approached by Jongdae you were aware of his status, but he was only a prince at the time and you didn’t think your relationship would actually go anywhere. But it did, and you two fell deeply in love. It wasn’t that you wanted to become royal, you just wanted to be with him. And being with him required people helping you and surrounding you at almost every moment. It also required you to help him with difficult decisions and bring him peace when he needed you most.

The dress flattered your figure in every way. You also put on the diamond necklace he had given you as a coronation present. When you were completely ready, you were instructed to go to the dining room. He was waiting there, a giant grin on his face. “Merry Christmas Beautiful! You really look extravagant right now.” You smiled as he wrapped his arms around you and give you a sweet kiss on the lips. He tried to keep his displays of affection minimal around the castle and outside of the bedroom. Small kisses here and there, holding your hand or your waist when standing or walking with you. He intertwined his fingers with yours as he led you to the table. A feast was laid out before you, all of your favorite holiday foods and treats. Your favorite wine resting in a bucket of ice. He pulled out a chair and gestured for you to sit. “Some wine my love?” You nodded, thanking him as he filled your glass. He also got your food for you. When he sat down beside you, you couldn’t help but look at him. He was truly an amazing man, always treating you so well even if he was dealing with the pressure of all of your subjects. “What are you thinking?” He had a quizzical and mischievous smile as he looked your way. “Just about how lucky I am, to have you, to love you, and to be loved by you.” He took your hand in his and kissed it. “I love you too, now eat before the food gets cold.” You both giggled as you nodded in agreement.

After your meal, Jongdae led you to the main foyer. A glorious and magnificently decorated tree stood in the center of the room. This tree was by far the biggest in the castle. He sat you down in the large chair and backed away with a grin. “What are you doing?” You knew how spontaneous and unexpected your husband could be at times. “Oh calm down would you, a husband can’t serenade his wife without being questioned anymore?” You blushed and relaxed into the seat, “Alright, continue then.” With that he began singing all of your favorite Christmas songs as well as the love song that he wrote for your wedding. You loved the sweet honey sound of his voice and whenever he sang for you, you loved him more and more. As he finished he came closer and kneeled in front of you, taking your hands in his. You leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I have a proposition for you, what do you think of trying for an heir?” With that question, you couldn’t help but break out in a smile. “Yes! Of course, I would love that!!” You shot up and he took you into his arms, showering you in kisses. After the excitement had calmed down a bit, you both just stood in each other’s embrace, enjoying the time that you had with each other. 

“Then next Christmas we could have a little prince or princess,” you smiled, looking into his eyes. “That sounds perfect to me,” he said pulling you close once again and kissing you sweetly.

Masterlist

[kpopwishes]

Sparks//Kim Jongdae

➤ Pairing -  Kim Jongdae x Reader

➤ Summary -  Meeting Kim Jongdae was something you could only explain with only one word. Sparks.

➤ Word Count - 772

➤ Genre - Fluff 

➤ Warning(s)/Heads-up - None

➤ Author’s Note - I’m sorry I don’t post a lot. Things have been getting a lot harder lately and having to post things on my main blog as well, inspiration is honestly to come hard by these days. Anyways, here’s a one-shot for one of my favorite bias wreckers! I’m sorry if this is short, I just really want to post something. Sorry if you don’t like it either :(

➤ Admin - Yoongz

“But what if they don’t like me Chanyeol?”, you looked up, pouting to your best friend who kept insisting on you meeting the people who he had been friends with and were in his K-Pop boy band, EXO.

You were nervous to meet them. You kept fidgeting with the rips in your jeans, playing with the broken threads as your talked with Chanyeol.

“Stop worrying! You’re amazing and they will think you are too!”, Chanyeol smiled happily, messing with some of your hair up and throwing an arm around your shoulder lazily, pulling you close into your side.

It was unusual for you since you two have been best friends since the age of four-years-old, you even took bubble baths together. You were each other's first kiss at the age of fifteen but never spoke about it since then. He even helped you through the pain and grief of losing your eldest brother, who you extremely close too.

You were there for him every time he has had a bad day when he felt like he had to make everyone smile and laugh even though he was faking his own. 

You were each other’s rocks and were basically joined at the hip.

“C’mon, Y/N! We are here!”, he announced excitedly, dragging you along with him as you pouted, still hoping none of his members would dislike you because you know how much they meant to Chanyeol. 

You mumbled lightly that you still didn’t want to meet them and Channyeol poked you which turned into him tickling you, his fingers dancing on both of your sides, making you erupt into a fit of laughter.

“Okay, okay! I’ll stop!”, you laughed, trying to push Chanyeol’s hands away from your sides. 

He smiled, putting his arm back around your shoulders and stopped then walked inside his band’s dorm, calling out to them from the front door,”Guys! Come meet my friend!”

Soon, 8 guys in their twenties piled into the front hall smiling at you openly.

“Guys, this is Y/N, my best friend since we were four-years-old.” his finger moving along the line of men who were crowded in the hall.

You smiled at each one, responding to their own kind miles.

“Hi!”, a man walked up to you, seemingly bright a bubbly, and wrapped his arms around you, bringing you into a hug, which you hugged him back and only let go when he moved away,”I’m Byun Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s other best friend. Nice to meet you!”

You smiled back at him, looking up because of the height difference,”It’s nice to meet you, Baekhyun. It’s good to know Chanyeol has someone else to look after him and help him when I’m not around. Thank you.”

Baekhyun lightly blushed and shook his head, smiling at you again,”You don’t have to thank me.”

You watched as another came up to you, he had wavy blonde hair, a mischevious look in his eyes, and greeted you with a smile,”Hi, I’m Kim Jongdae, but everyone calls me Chen.”

You smiled back at him,”Nice to meet you, Chen.”

Five hours later, you were still hanging out and talking with EXO. The men had welcomed you openly in the conversations, all of them would bond with you separately while going to different places to have fun since it was their day off.

You were talking to Junmyeom when Jongdae walked up to you, catching you by surprise when he softly took hold of your arm, enclosing his hand around your forearm as he tugged you towards him, making Junmyeon hit him across the head for spooking you.

Jongdae smiled sheepishly as Junmyeon murmured that he should not scare people, making you giggle as Jongdae looked towards you. 

“Sorry about that,” he apologized as he looked down at you. Shaking your head you dismissed his apology,”It’s alright.”

Jongdae lazily put an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, being pulled into his side. Blood rushed to your cheeks, a deep red blush appearing on your face.

He chuckled when he looked at you and realized you were blushing. You couldn’t help it, you started to feel goosebumps appear on your arms and on your neck.

Being so close to a guy other than Chanyeol for too long felt weird, but with Jongdae, you didn’t mind. You never liked being close to guys that long, but it felt different with Jondgae. It didn’t feel as weird or awkward. It felt comforting like it did with Chanyeol, but better.

It was like you were feeling sparks emitting between the skin of Jongdae’s and your’s.

That’s the only way you could explain it.

Sparks.

[baekkxong]

Stay Here

Pairing: EXO Jongdae (Chen) X Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,068

47: “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

77: “Are you jealous?”

79: “Stop hogging all the blankets!”

98: “Don’t touch me.”

143: “Just how stupid do you think I am?”

send me a number + an idol

A/N damn fitting five prompts into one scenario was more difficult than I thought lol

ALSO THESE EXO TEASERS ARE KILLING ME

It was clear Jongdae and you were going to become more than friends. You’d known each other for a while, constantly throwing flirtatious comments and teases back and forth between each other. Both your feelings were obvious. Your relationship was built up over sarcasm, jokes and making fun of one another; you were rarely serious.

Jongdae’s friends always teased the both of you about it, asking over and over when you’d finally get together. While you’d both turn away in flustered, embarrassed messes, you couldn’t help but wonder the answer to the question. Was Jongdae going to make a move? Or did it depend on you? You couldn’t help but think about it all the time.

The two of you had frequent movie nights, taking it in turns on where you’d spend it. Today, it was Jongdae’s turn to host the occasion. You’d walked over to his apartment, carrying a bag full of snacks which you’d bought along the way.

It had been a humid summer’s night, thick with heat. It wasn’t a short trip, the walk taking about 40 minutes, but you didn’t mind. You enjoyed strolling through the city while it was quieter. You’d been so hot when you’d arrived, Jongdae had supplied you with one of his own t-shirts so you could change out of your uncomfortably warm jacket.

You’d built a sort of fort on the sofa – blankets and cushions splayed all round the living room. It looked childish; Jongdae’s energy never failed to bring out your playful side. You were nearing the end of ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, a bowl of popcorn in your lap and legs tangled with Jongdae’s.

“You know,” you began, “I can’t help but find Draco Malfoy pretty attractive,” you commented.

“What?! You like Draco Malfoy?” Jongdae exclaimed.

“Mmm,” you mumbled. “I dunno, it’s just something about him.”

“Well, I couldn’t disagree more,” Jongdae huffed, hastily crossing his arms.

“What, are you jealous?” you chuckled, taking another handful of popcorn.

His cheeks flared up and he raised his eyebrows in alarm, looking away and fixing his eyes on the TV.

“No…”

You smiled to yourself.

The movie finally came to an end and you were beginning to shrug your jacket back on. Jongdae glanced with concern out the dark window, leaning against the frame and holding the curtain out the way. Drops of water were hammering against the glass. He dropped the curtain.

“Err, Y/N? Have you seen the weather outside?” Jongdae asked, concerned.

“Why, what is it?”

“A storm.”

The lights were set dimly, a flash of lightning from outside suddenly brightening up the room. You hesitated.

“It’s okay, I’ll find a taxi,” you sighed. You pulled open his front door and stood in the hallway outside, while Jongdae accompanied you. He leaned against the frame of his door. You tucked your hands in the pockets of your jacket.

“Are you sure?”

“Well, what else can I do? I don’t fancy walking in the pouring rain and getting struck by lightning.”

Jongdae looked at the floor and inhaled softly, his feet awkwardly shuffling and playing with the welcoming mat. He looked up.

“What I mean is, you could… you could stay here?” he suggested, a shy and hopeful smile adorning his lips. You pretended to think about it, though really you were wondering if something would finally happen between you. If either of you would initiate something. Would you sleep in the same room? Same bed? Your insides began fluttering with excitement.

You both knew you wanted to, too anxious to breathe the thoughts plainly aloud. When it came to moments like these, your relationship was like embarrassed school children: a collection of blushes, shyness and bundles of nerves.

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not? Come in!” He opened the door wider in welcoming and tugged at your sleeve, pulling you back inside. You undressed yourself from the jacket and hung it back up, next to his. You remarked at the way your jackets hung next to each other and how your shoes also sat neatly against one another. Domestic, you thought.

Suddenly it was 3am and the both of you were in the large double bed that belonged to him. It was unbelievably comfy, and you loved the way it was just so Jongdae. His pillows had his scent all over them and you loved it.

The storm was still raging outside, thunder bellowing and echoing in the sky outside. It only heightened the sense of safety and comfort in Jongdae’s room, the cosy bed becoming a small haven for the two of you.

“Stop hogging all the blankets!” you hissed playfully, tugging them completely from Jongdae and cocooning yourself in them. Jongdae cringed as his uncovered skin was exposed to the cool air of his bedroom.

“Hey!” he yelped, reaching his arms around you and battling with the bed sheets.

“Get off, don’t touch me,” you quipped, pretending you were annoyed. You began slowly discarding the blanket from yourself and allowing Jongdae some.

“You’re cute when you’re angry,” he dared, half whispering. You froze on your side while fiddling with the covers, facing away from Jongdae. You craned your neck and twisted your body to face him, smiling.

The only source of light was the small lamp on his bedside table, creating a vague yellowish light in the room and casting restless shadows along the walls. The light enhanced the shade of Jongdae’s skin, the tan coinciding nicely with his dark, messy hair.

“You think I’m cute...?” you teased, a glint in your eye causing Jongdae to sheepishly look away.

“No…” he lied, a grin splayed on his face, the pretty corners of his mouth tilting upwards. You turned fully on your side, narrowing your eyes and leaning your head on your hand.

“Just how stupid do you think I am?” you asked, a soft pink colour obvious on your cheeks. Jongdae didn’t know how to respond, he simply looked into your eyes with anticipation. The both of you were slowly edging towards one another, still lying on your sides.

“Y-You’re actually quite intelligent,” he stuttered, finding some excuse of an answer to your question. Your lips were inches away from each other, slightly parted as you felt his breath tickling your skin.

“It was rhetorical,” you whispered, before crashing your lips together in a kiss full of long-wanted passion and desire.