#jon and martin. i just. be okay. please.

[holeodemony]

Laughing crying choking on my tears why am I constantly haunted by the thoughts of all these tragic little gay men I just want then to be okay for once yet terrible things always happen why they just need to be in each others arms and in my arms I need to comfort them why because they're tragic little gay men and they're stuck in my head and consuming my every waking thought and I'm not okay because they're not okay.

[ravenlilyrose]

I keep seeing posts about Jon asking the assistants to commit crimes. But honestly, it read a lot more like this to me:

Archivist: Please get me more information about x.

Tim: Okay!

Tim: *goes off to seduce more people*

Archivist: Please look into y for me.

Sasha: Sure thing!

Sasha: *starts hacking*

Archivist: I’d like to know more about z.

Martin: *breaks into a house so that Jon doesn’t think he’s incompetent*

Like, yeah, past a certain point he absolutely knows what they’re doing and is at least somewhat indicating approval by not telling them to stop, but it doesn’t seem like he’s standing there from day 1 going: “you seduce a cop, you hack into government servers, and you break into this list of buildings.”

Then again, I’m always in favor of anything that makes the assistants all as weird as possible, so maybe I’m just going for the interpretation that most supports their collective insanity.

[nightvale359]

Op you just became my favorite person

You mentioned undeniable proof??

@helinedmightbehere

WELP, I SPENT 40 MINUTES WRITING AN ANALYSIS JUST FOR THE PAGE TO CRASH AND I AM NOT WRITING IT AGAIN. SO TAKE THESE CAUSE I’M PISSED OFF D:<

[annabelle--cane]

Please what is your fucked up somewhere else idea that you referred to?

half-formed concept in my mind where jonathan "coping mechanisms" sims starts trying to "desensitize" himself to some of his trauma by asking martin to do things to him that roughly approximate the feeling of certain events. restraining him and putting lotion on his chest and back, laying on top of him and covering his mouth so it's hard to breathe, holding dulled blades so they just press into the line of his throat scar, etc. the way jon explains it is that he wants to process these memories in a controlled environment with someone with whom he feels safe, and that's probably at least partially true, but martin is really skeeved out by the whole thing and is sure it's really not healthy. however, he doesn't say anything and just goes along with it, because he's also pretty sure that if it weren't for this setup then jon would almost certainly be doing something worse to himself. he has the lingering thought in the back of his head he feels safe with me? he feels like I won't hurt him? I forced a knife through his ribs.

the only semi-concrete scene idea I have for this is that further down the line jon works himself up to asking martin to slap him, which is comparatively much more tame and normal than most of the other stuff they've done, it's like, one of the most commonly known about kink activities, but martin sets himself up and just can't bring himself to do it. for the first time he actually says "okay, time out, this doesn't feel right to me, I can't just hit you in the face" and, without a beat missed, like he's been biting back saying this for ages, jon says, "so you could do it when I didn't want it, but now when I ask it's too much?", and the scene either ends with the (metaphorical) fog coming down and martin simply leaving the room/building in complete silence or with that remark stinging martin something awful and him then hitting jon right across the face before he thinks twice about it.

and the problem is. that is where my vision of the scene cuts out. I have no idea where the hell the relationship or even the conversation goes from there. oh muse, you chose The Wrong Vessel.

[theeverchase]

📼🌫️ JMART!

“Martin- Martin, look into my eyes, and tell me what you see.”

“I see…I see you, Jon.”

(season 1-5 jmarts under the cut!)

So…scratches my neck….heyyy long time no see! I lowkey forgot I even had a cosplay tumblr blog and in an endeavour to post more on here, here’s a cosplay duo that’s probably one of THE MOST FAVOURITE DUO’S IVE EVER DONE

I was SO EXCITED FOR THIS IN PARTICULAR. Because I am such a fan of JMart and I just KNEW me and egg would knock it out the park and I was literally fanboying over doing it even though I was the one who was partaking in it??? Crazy but it’s a bucket list duo and I’m so so pleased we got it done! And we got through all these different JMart iterations AHHHH AHHH YAYYAYAYAY ouugghhh

We were SOLDIERING through it though because I was shaking off the day before doing dyhard and was SO tired and only operating off of breakfast and coffee for like 12 hours . Both of us . We were WORKING for the takeout we got it was just sitting there taunting us….but we made some STELLAR tiktok content….GAHHHHH ITS JMART GUYS ITS THEM ITS THE okay I need to be put down soz

🎭 Characters: Jonathan Sims ( @theeverchase ) and Martin Blackwood (@eggballi ) - from Rusty Quill‘s The Magnus Archives

👁️ Jon Contacts: Pinkyparadise Persona Green (not-sponsored)

👕 Clothes + Wig : Closet / Thrifted!

[first-time-tma]

episode 139

Uh... JON

ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?!?

Because this did NOT sound okay in the end!!!!

PLEASE DONT KILL YOURSELF WHILE TRYING TO CHECK IN WITH MARTIN

YOU COULD JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER

Also omg omg omg

"I need him to be okay"

DO YOU KNOW WHO SAID YHIS AS WELL?!?!?!

MARTIN!!! IN EPISODE 117 OR SOMETHING

OMG THEY ARE SO PERFECT I JUST NEED THEM TO HE TOGETHER PLEAAAAAASEEEE

Alsoo: the more I learn about hilltop roads and agnes the more interesting it gets!!! I looove how many different povs there are for every single story!!!!

[somuchbetterthanthat]

A very very small birthday snippet for @emperiocism 😊

There was a quiet pleasure in opening his own office door slower than usual, watching Jon scramble at the noise from one of the paintings hung inside, no doubt incredibly annoyed and panicked at the fact Elias was coming back up earlier than expected. Elias had always thoroughly enjoyed Jon's drive and single-mindedness when it came to investigations beforehand, but this new flair of paranoia had the distinctive taste of their patron all over it, and it was all the more satisfying to witness.

When he and Jon made eye contact at last, Elias made a show of surprise before frowning at his Archivist, still standing over Elias's desk.

"I know I have an open door policy Jon, but I can't say I appreciate the thought of you being here when I'm not," he said. Then, only because it was all too tempting-- "It's hardly appropriate, and quite a breach of privacy."

"I, er." Jon cleared his throat, clearly battling his urge to get defensive. That technique already worked less and less with Tim and Martin, and he'd noticed. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Elias sighed. "We have a meeting planned tomorrow morning. if this is about what your employees have been telling me --"

Jon froze. "What did they tell you?"

Elias threw him his best disappointed look. "Jon, please. I'd like to believe we've build enough of a rapport these past few years to be honest with one another, haven't we? Let's not pretend as if Ms Prentiss' attack didn't take a clear toll on you. Now, I'm willing to be understanding, but you ought to work with me to--"

"This has nothing to do with that," Jon cut him off, cheeks flushed, taking a few steps towards Elias. He was, very badly, shoving some papers in his back pockets. Elias wondered if he would ever grew into a good liar. He doubted it. Still. It was the end of the day, and he hadn't had a chance in indulging Jon in too long.

"What is it, then?" he asked.

"I--" Jon had not thought this far, apparently. "It's -- personal. Yes. Right. It's why I needed to do this... in private."

Elias raised an eyebrow. "Well, if something is troubling you, I'm of course more than happy to help," he said. "Perhaps a week or two out of the Archives might--"

"Oh for god's sake," breathed Jon and then, before Elias could react, he was crossing the last of the distance between them, pressing his hands against Elias's collar, and kissing him.

This.

Was unexpected.

More so the brief moment of blindness that overtook Elias in answer; when he came back to his senses he was already kissing Jon back, hungrily, his own arms curling around Jon's waist. He blinked, took a step back, and stared at Jon's flushed face, his hazy, wide eyes, the wetness of his lips, and thought: well, I need to see where he will go with this.

"This...is a terrible idea," he told him. "Truly, Jon, you're clearly not in your right mind--"

"Haven't we wanted this for years?" Jon asked and then wavered on his feet like surprised at himself for having said it out loud. He's just known this, realized Elias, and immediately the desire to get his mouth back on Jon grew stronger. "I almost died," Jon continued. "Can't we just--? I... I want this."

And he did, still, underneath all the very bad reasons he was doing this. He wanted to distract Elias foremost but, ah, well -- Elias was happy to be distracted, right now. He made a show of hesitating, only to let Jon's impulsivity get the better of him again.

When Jon kissed him the second time, it was more hesitant, softer, and Elias felt his shoulders relax. Oh this was going to be terrible indeed, and such a good evening.

"Okay," he whispered, fondly. "Okay. How about we close the door?"

[hellostarposts]

Ep 17 The Bone Turner's Tale

Okay so, as it was pointed out to me Mary Keays was mentioned in this episode. I honestly don't remember that, so I'm going to go back to it before continuing. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not good with names and their spellings.

Naturally a librarian would talk this erotically about books.

Micheal did way too much work to get a cursed book into that library. Trying to get rid of it? Maybe.

Ah could it be that there's only specific ways that someone can get rid of the lighter books?

OH YEAH this is when we find out that the Lukas family is connected to the institute. (and yes I know that family is important)

Bickering with your boss is not a good career move Jon!

Also, now knowing what Martin is dealing with makes me sad.

Jared is an asshole and low-key deserves what's coming to him.

Flattened rat time! (R knows that I sympathize with this rat too much)

How did I miss that Jared snatched the book?

Does not having extended skin contact with the lighter (lightener?) books really have an impact on not loosing it?

Bleeding books is a vibe.

imagine that this is is just someones diary about the murders they committed.

"Hi I'm Jared and I just learned how to read"

Tells a monster that the library is closed and then throwing a punch is iconic behaviour.

Jared is squishy, and knows that spitters are quitters.

Did Jared steal his mom's arm????

At least everyone believed the lie you told the police.

Final thoughts, good that I revisited this. BUT there was no mention of Mary Keays. I feel lied to, I even gaslit myself into thinking that it was the mother but the last names don't match.

I could've listened to ep 24 in this time but didn't.

Adding down here that R has started laughing at my uncanny ability to pick up important things. Why? Asking if people would be upset with me for the Jon comment. And like isn’t it obvious that Elias (please correct me) is like in kahoots with the Lukas family or at least scared of them? Like why else would he be giving Jon shit for taking Naomi’s statement.

[thelambthatkilledthewolf]

I feel like not enough people talk about Melanie's tragedy. Everyone talks about Jon and Tim and Martin and Sasha and Gerry and Michael and Elias and every avatar that gets five seconds of screentime and even Jonah, but I barely see anyone talking about how badly Melanie suffered too.

Do you ever think about it? Her friends, her community abandoned her. Her dad was already dead. She joins the Institute, working under a man she already dislikes, only to find out that the big boss is actually literally evil. The only reason the Slaughter bullet worked so well is because she was already so angry at everything, and who can blame her? She had as much right to be angry as Tim did, which is to say, she had every right in the world - even if that anger was a little misplaced.

And then, she is so desperate to get away, that she gouges her own eyes out. Do you understand that? She mutilated her own body, took away the main sense that we humans use to survive. Just to get out of that god forsaken place. Do you know how traumatizing that must be? Everyone is going insane, she's going insane, and then she gouges her own damn eyes out. She was not just okay after that.

And then, and then, just when she thinks everything is over and she can just be happy with her girlfriend, the fucking APOCALYPSE happens. The goddamn mother fucking end of the world. And she's one of the only people who can help others. She's suddenly a savior? All of this is thrust upon her, the world as she knows it is fucking ending, and she has the ability to save people. How stressful that must be, feeling guilty if you didn't help but being burdened with the title of savior if you did. How awful. How downright horrific. I'm amazed she didn't kill herself to get out of all of this.

I just. Melanie. Guys. Melanie. The level of desperation she must have felt to get out of the institute, that she was not only willing, but able to fully go through with gouging her eyes out? Guys I don't think we talk about that enough. She gouged her own eyes out with her own fucking hands and a book binder. We don't talk enough about how much that must've fucked her up. And then to turn into someone else's savior. A martyr. A prophet. I think by the end, she was just as, if not more traumatized than Tim - and yes, I'm going to keep comparing her to Tim, because they are so similar, and yet one is far more loved and spoken about than the other. Melanie deserved so much, and got so little, and she will never be the same. None of them will ever be the same, of course, but again - SHE MUTILATED HERSELF. SHE GOT RID OF HER PRECIOUS SIGHT, THE ONE SENSE THAT WE (generally) RELY ON THE MOST. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS, HOW DESPERATE YOU HAVE TO BE, FOR YOUR BRAIN TO EVEN ALLOW YOU TO DO THAT?

Just. Melanie. Guys please talk to me about Melanie I love her so much she deserves everything.

[chocolatey-umbreon]

my perspective on jon and martin has gone like this:

season 1-2: okay i see why people ship that. it does sound like something tumblr ppl would like.

season 3, when basira and melanie talk about martin liking jon: oh it’s going to actually be part of the show, it’s not just a fan thing. also aw martin is the one with the crush first, that’s v cute to think about actually.

rest of season 3: i mean it’s a cute ship but i’m much more interested on whatever elias has got going on.

season 4: oh um. fuck. fuck. okay. this um.. this Thing. going on. between them has skipped every rational part of me processing the show and gone straight to squeeze and punch and tear my heart apart without my consent? hello!! im sobbing and crying and screaming and i don’t even know when it started?? what is happening please help me

[sewliia]

Magnus Archives Episode 154 / 200 Analysis

(If this was mentioned by anyone before, I am sorry. I found one tumblr post showing the similarity in John's “Together - one way or another” but nothing more. So if you guys know more sources on this topic please share them with me. I would love to talk about this more.)

(also this is maybe a bit messy but I hope you guys see my vision)

I believe the Ending of the Magnus Archive was already decided in the episode “154 - Bloody Mary” or at least episode 200 is a parallel / continuation of the post statement scene.

I will show 154 in order while adding the matching parts from 200 (the parts from 200 are coloured differently to easily recognize them).

In 154 John learns that they can leave the Institut if they damage their eyes permanently.

After gaining this information he goes to Martin. He is the first to know.

(This one is not hard evidence - just something small I noticed)

(200) Martin is also the first to know what John did (also the only one).

(154) John then proposes to Martin that he wants to leave with him, because he trusts Martin and doesn't want to do it alone. He doesn't even consider the others here. He just wants to be with Martin.

This also plays into Jon's identity crisis in Season 4. Martin was there for him all the time and Jon values Martin's opinion more than the others, cause he loves him, cause he hopes Martin wants the same, cause he wants someone who gives him permission, to tell him what is right.

(200) Here we have it the other way around now. Martin trusted John not to kill Jonah on his own and John finally had the courage to do something on his own.

(154) Martins response is:

He doesn't want to choose for John, since he knows how insecure John is.

(200) John made it Martin's decision. He can’t kill himself at this point and already made his choice.

(154) This scenario is almost the same, just that the roles are partly swapped. In both cases they aren't sure if John will survive this, that it is a risk and a wish to escape.

Ending with the famous “one way or another” spoken again by John.

(154) After John proposes his idea to Martin he gets unsure, saying his idea was stupid. Martin says he has to see things through with Peter, which triggers John to try again.

(200) There is no exact line that fits this, but John derails everything by killing Jonah on his own.

(154) This one is interesting.

Martins says John would never blind himself. John indeed doesn’t want that. He wants to live, he wants to see and he likes his powers.

Blinding himself would be the easy way out.

In this season John fights a lot about his wants and his identity, so it makes sense that he asks the others for guidance and opinions. He is not sure what he really wants and even if it is okay to just take it. I am sure that John at this point loves Martin deeply and wants his input on the situation. He wants to hear “of course I come with you John”, but Martin denies that from him.

(200) At this point not even John's love for Martin holds him back and he does what he wants to do, going from “could” to “did”.

Martin is also in disbelief here, mirroring his and John’s words in 154.

you do - you didn’t

I could - you can’t

“I did. I am “

John is confident in this scene. He IS what he decided to be. He is whole.

(154) More evidence that even Martin doesn't believe John.

Again a parallel:

I can't follow you

Martin pushing Jon away ( to save him)

(200) Where you go I go.

John pushing martin away (to save him)

(and then changing his mind, accepting the proposal of escape)

In short:

(154)

John proposes to leave together.

Martin says John would and can not do that.

He won't make the decision for John.

Martin pushes John away.

John says he waits.

(200)

John does something that Martin dared him to do.

John tries to push Martin away.

Martin proposes to leave together.

Martin has to make the decision for John.

They stay together.

Maybe I went a bit crazy here but these scenes have so much in common.

[python-nebula]

Alright, by popular demand here is my rant analysis of how 'Rex - Brutus II' by The Buttress is basically just TMA season 5!! :3

(WHY DO THINGS KEEP STOPPING BEING IN BOLD) (okay just ignore it)

[first of all: 'Brutus' = 'Jon', 'Rex' = 'Archivist']

secondly from a purely sound standpoint, the song has such TMA vibes anyways, the discordant tune, the eerie-ness, like,,

(okay, let the lyric analysis commence!) (also I'll put the lyrics in different font + bold) (also most questions as rhetorical)

______________________________________________________________

Speak with me! No - Your eyes already say the things that with your mouth you won't

I feel like this bit is self-explanatory (first part: Jon's Compelling thing, second part: he Knows things/has emotions about things but won't tell Martin, Martin can tell)

Below my countrymen cry out for each other's blood and anguish The men and women now at war, each camp speaking different language and yet both sides curse out at me as they toil and they languish

Very reminiscent of the first Slaughter domain + Jon projecting his self-blame onto everyone else (aka thinking that everyone must blame him bc he blames himself, even though they don't even know that he caused the eyepocalypse)

am I even Brutus still? It's like I've forgotten my own name... But the people call me Rex

'am I even Jon still? It's like I've forgotten my own name... But the people call me Archivist'; trying not to give up his humanity but feeling a duty to help humanity that requires not being one of them

My heart never beats in me alone But always through the hearts of other men That want me dead

Jon's been manipulated for 4 whole seasons and he's sick of it- he doesn't want to be a disposable pawn anymore

[I skipped most of the next verse bc I don't feel that it fits neatly]

I do not do what is best for myself, but for us - The Public

He's trying to convince himself that the only reason he's smiting avatars and getting to the Panopticon is to save the world; that is one reason, but there's an element of selfishness too

Also in this section of the song, you can hear people shouting in the background which a) is reminiscent of the soundscaping in Mag 189 and b) representative of the pressure Jon feels to succeed in his task

during this instrumental section, voices in the background whisper 'Brutus'[/'Jon']; either the Eye calling Jon to the Panopticon or Martin trying to get through to him

But now here I supersede you - The difference between you and me - You act out of love for yourself I do so for my love of the people

Again, trying to convince himself of the previous point, however this time it's directed at Elias/Jonah; Jon maintains that he's better than Jonah, but is he?

the aformentioned shouting begins again in the background, as well as the 'Brutus' whispering

There, you - Have you no pride? What are you doing? Feel shame, it is I - Brutus the human

Jon talking to the other avatars and/or smiting them; also 'Brutus' = 'Jon' so he is restating his humanity once again

Make them like oil from water - I will separate them! Mothers will kill their own daughters and friend will kill friend

How Jon basically gets to decide who is watcher (an avatar) and who is watched (a victim), and how neither option is good; the people will suffer anyway

It's not cruel or loveless or hatred Cause even if it means I must erase you I do so for the good of the many of those who must remain so please forgive me!

He is insisting (to himself or others?) that what he is doing isn't malicious, it's right/good in the long run, it will help everyone eventually, but still a part of him begs to be forgiven

It is my duty, I must separate them Must divide them - With tear in eye and iron stomach

He is losing himself, no matter how hard he tries; but is he? he still feels sadness for people (if vague) and has to steel himself before going into a domain/smiting someone- is that not humanity?

Here I go now... Like Samson among the Philistines... For I am become.... Death.

Now eventually, he has come to the end, they all have destroyed the Panopticon and killed Jonah, he and Martin have carved their way through domains like Samson, and now they bring death to Jonah and the Fears , but also to themselves [although those last two are debatable]

Finally, the outro of the song has not only the shouting return, [all the elements together are so good and remind me of the soundscaping in Mag 200 after they succeed]

but elements of the previous song 'Brutus' also bleed through (the tune and the laughs/violin, the word 'Brutus' repeated like a mantra); Jon is being pulled back to himself and his humanity in his last moments; although in the song these elements sound sinister, I think it just reflects how the Archivist comes back to being Jon as the man he loves agrees to kill him - they die/disappear together, as themselves.

And there you have it!! I might add to this later but for now its finished, lmk if I missed anything (I probably did) :3

[tagging the people who seemed interested:

@cupsy-daisy @sushisocksthereal @cinemasapph1c @lobsterwizard

@kitsunesakii @rotting-and-so-beautiful @malthedreamer]

[boredclarinet]

oh how quickly my brain ruins my good choices. anyways, because sleep is off the table for a good while, lets make another list, shall we? Technically, i should finish the killers. but they have a lot of albums. so, I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME time.

tma spoilers

RAZZMATAZZ

Leave Me Alone - Peter Lukasssssss omggggg so peter lukass. or martin abt peter lol. but so much peter.

Mad IQ - would be web coded if it wasnt MAJORLY ELIAS FUCKING BOUCHARD. bitch.

Nobody Likes The Opening Band - grifters bone lol.

New Invention - Lol jonelias. i swear theres always one.

Sugar Pills - Another “jons statement addiction” one. its a concept i quite like.

Kiss Goodnight - timsasha

Lights Go Down - so s3 circus coded. that finale? yeah. hell yeah. woo.

Need You Here - Tim. about Danny and Sasha. poor guy.

Door - micheal and helen. no, i didnt just see door and go to the distortion. (i saw door and went straight to the distortion. BUT THERES JUSTIFICATION IM JUST REALLY BAD AT IT)

Boys Dont Cry - timmmmmmm fuck.

GLOOM DIVISION

DOWNSIDE - timsasha.

SATANIC PANIC - okay mass hysteria. slay ya know? erm. yeah that spiral. yall theres was a thought here… OH YEAH THAT ONE FUCKED UP VILLAGE IN S5 WITH THE FUCKIN MOLD IN THEIR BONES AND MAYPOLES AND SHIT. yeahhhhh. slay.

SPKOTHDVL - Elias fucking bouchard. Eliass Bitcharse, if you will.

A LETTER - jmart or timsasha. ya know. slay.

SIXFT - timsasha.

iDIOTS OF Oz - literally all the other avatars about the institute/eyevatars. elias is the wizard of oz.

i realize i had the album on shuffle. im mad. its fine.

OTHER

Modern Day Cain - can i say elias? idk like. please? its elias. fuck off.

Do It All The Time - Elias.

Bleed Magic - Jane prentiss.

Social Climb - dunno how to explain it. but it is. oh archives btw. yeah.

Absinthe - OHHH MY GOD 9kay. Archvies. oohhh mu god . AAAAAA . okay im fine

anyways that was slay. im tired but yeah. probably obvious. lots of elias. idkhow is very elias. dunno why. vut yeah.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

could not foresee lying beside you

Another fic for the little mundane au! Huge thanks to @minky-for-short for the idea behind this fic and putting up with my current obsession.

Please reblog and comment over on Ao3!

----

Jon has a very awkward conversation with Sasha that leads to a very good evening with his boyfriend Martin.

Note: contains sex favourable ace jon

-----

Jon had always thought he maintained a certain level of professionalism in the Archives. 

His department may have been the smallest, the least funded and, if the way the other department heads reacted to him was any indicator, the least liked out of the whole institute. But, as long as he was in charge, their professionalism would never be called into question. The work they did would always come first. 

Jon had always thought that. But things had changed lately and, to no one’s surprise more than his own, he was changing with them.

But old habits clearly died pretty hard. Which was his excuse for why he’d been hovering awkwardly in the break room, trying and failing to steer his conversation with Sasha in the right direction for most of lunch. 

Fortunately, Sasha had clearly worked with him long enough to not notice when Jon was being a few degrees more awkward than usual. She was well practised at keeping the conversation going with no input from him beyond stammerings and far off, distracted gazes. 

“So Eddie is swearing blind that this mirror was sent to storage but I checked twice and, if it’s there, the damn thing is supernatural enough to turn invisible!” she stirred her coffee with an irritated clatter, “Or grow legs and walk away. Neither of which were mentioned in the statement, just a lot of blood.”

“And the emaciated version of yourself for a reflection,” Jon mumbled vaguely, tapping his fingers on the wobbly little table they all had to squeeze around.

“Yeah, that too,” Sasha nodded, “My point is, that place has gone really downhill since I transferred…anyway, we’ve got five minutes left of lunch. So are you going to ask me whatever you’re chewing over or what?”

It took Jon a minute to realise what she’d said, his face realising first and taking the liberty of blushing darkly even before he could groan, “Am I being that obvious?”

Sasha smiled, tilting her head, “Not really. I’ve just gotten to know you pretty well.”

Not all that long ago, her saying that would make Jon squirm, feel like he’d been pinned under the glare of a microscope, like he was failing as a boss if his team saw him as a human being. But, again, things had changed. 

Jon swallowed hard, trying to poke nonchalantly at his salad like he hadn’t rehearsed these words until they’d worn thin, “Listen. This is me speaking as something other than your boss, okay?” 

“So…as my friend?” Sasha prompted him, with the patient smile you’d give a child. 

“Right,” Jon cleared his throat, “Um…so you know I’m with Martin…”

“Yes, I realised when you two snuck off from my wedding reception to hook up,” Sasha smirked.

Jon couldn’t help spluttering just a little, “We weren’t together together then…I had another month or so of being an obtuse asshole to get through…”

Sasha’s voice softened, turned kinder, “And you worked on yourself and now you’re both very happy together, the way you were always meant to be. So what’s the problem?”

“Me. As per usual,” Jon’s laugh didn’t sound completely convincing, not even to him, “It’s been a long time since I was in a relationship and I’ve never been in one where I wasn’t a total wreck. I’m realizing there’s a lot of Relationship 101 classes I missed somewhere along the way.”

Sasha tilted her head, her smile turning gentle in a way that managed not to be pitying, “That’s not you being a problem, Jon. There’s no time limit on this kind of thing, you can borrow my notes any time you like.”

Jon wondered if she’d end up regretting those words somewhere in the next ten seconds, as he realised he’d hit the point where he had to just cough it up and get it over with.

“I don’t…” he waved his fork vaguely in the air, “I don’t know how to go about initiating…y’know. Sex?”

There was a beat of silence as Sasha absorbed that. Jon wondered if she was comparing  him to the first version of Jonathan Sims she’d met, the one with the constant tremor in his hands and his too tight ties and short hair, if she was trying to imagine that Jonathan asking her about her weekend, let alone anything that involved taking off clothes. 

From the way she grinned, Jon thought she might prefer the version sat in front of her a little more, even if his hair was already falling out of its bun less than halfway through the day and he was drowning in a jumper Martin had knitted for him rather than a suit. Jon rather thought he preferred this version too. 

“Oh so it’s one of those questions, huh?” Sasha beamed, leaning forward with a new bright eyed energy that was only slightly terrifying, “This is so fun, I never got to play the cool big sister…”

“Ninety percent sure I’m older than you,” Jon rolled his eyes but her smile was infectious, he felt one pulling at his own mouth as he sat back and braced himself. 

“It’s a spiritual thing, Jon, don’t take this away from me,” Sasha waved her hand airily, “Okay. So you want to be straightforward about it? You want to flirt a little, make it a surprise, what are we looking for?”

Jon fidgeted with his glasses, pushing them up his nose, “I mean…I want to ask Martin if he’d like to have sex with me without sounding like a robot that was programmed to make people uncomfortable?”

Sasha chuckled, though not unkindly, “I mean, it’s always going to be a little uncomfortable, Jon. That's not something you can fix, it’s just something you learn to embrace and so do they.”

“I’m…starting to see that,” Jon nodded slowly, trying to chase down the feeling in his chest, pin it down clumsily with words, “I’m not used to wanting this. Wanting to be with someone like that, to make someone look at me in that way. I still don’t want sex the same way other people want it, I’ve sorted out that much. But I want it with Martin.”

“And how do you ask for something you’ve never wanted before?” Sasha nodded, sympathetic, “I hear what you’re saying, Jon.”

It was strange how such a simple thing, something most people never had to question, could mean so much to him. He supposed that's what came of actually choosing to speak, to ask. 

“Thank you, Sasha,” he smiled at his friend, sitting up a little, “So…how do I go about this?”

Sasha grinned, “Oh that’s easy. You have some fun with it.”

-

Jon thought he was doing pretty well. He’d only texted Sasha are you sure about this three times since Martin had left to go to the shops.

His latest message received the same answer as the first two, equally as patient and equally as reassuring. 

Trust me! As long as ur comfortable with it, he’ll <3 it

Jon looked at himself in the mirror again, trying to find something there that Martin would love. He sighed, picking up his phone again after he promised himself he wouldn’t.

And this worked on Tim?

A few moments of a reply bubble. 

He got a speeding fine driving home after I sent him pics of me in that pink shirt he has

Jon’s eyebrows shot up. That pink Hawaiian shirt was objectively hideous. 

Point taken. 

An older version of him would put the phone down then, nothing more to say. But he knew better now. 

Thank you for this, Sasha. 

He somehow heard her smile in the reply that pinged through. 

Don’t thank me yet. Gonna demand some details on Mon as tax. have fun boss!

Jon rolled his eyes, setting his phone down for good now. Martin would be back soon, allowing for how many of their neighbours he stopped to talk to on the way and if any of them were walking dogs he could fuss over. He gave himself a last look over in the mirror, not that anything would be different. 

He’d spent a long time choosing the right jumper out of the many Martin owned. He’d wanted one in green after his boyfriend said the colour brought out his eyes, an offhand comment from months ago but it had snagged in Jon’s mind. He’d wanted one of the larger ones so he didn’t freeze but not so large it didn’t skate the edge of his thighs and slide down off one shoulder in a way he thought- hoped- was sexy. He’d wanted his hair loose, lying across his shoulders in the way that had always been an invitation for Martin to run his fingers through it. 

Jon had planned out everything, this was exactly what he’d been picturing in his head in the hours since he talked to Sasha. And he still thought he looked a little ridiculous. 

But now his reflection wore a soft smile, a little shy, a little uncertain but it was there. It was still hard to believe there was anything in the mirror that Martin would love but Jon did see something he wanted to give him. And that felt good.

A creaking floorboard somewhere out in the hallway sent him scrambling for the sofa. Damn it, he’d been counting on Mrs Nowack and Biscuit keeping Martin occupied for at least ten minutes, she must have had somewhere to be. He had just enough time to arrange himself in a vaguely casual position against the cushions, one leg up, the hem of the jumper sitting just right, before he heard the front door to their flat open. 

“Jon? I’m back,” Martin’s voice was a little winded from the long climb up the stairs but it still had that bright smile in it, “They had that mango juice you like!”

Jon chuckled softly as he heard shopping bags hitting the floor, Martin shrugged off his anorak, boots being kicked off, “Nice…I’ll put it all away, just leave it there.”

“What? No, no, I’m already on my feet,” Martin’s voice moved, going towards the kitchen, “You stay comfy, I’ll put the kettle on…”

Jon struggled not to laugh, he hadn’t accounted for this, for being tripped up by his boyfriend’s implacable politeness. He tried to figure out how he could coax Martin into the living room without being obvious, while their ancient kettle rattled and wheezed towards boiling point and the man he was trying to seduce whistled as he put away the shopping. He should have just sent a picture. Or maybe an embossed invitation. Skywriting, possibly?

Though, Jon had to admit, there was a distinct satisfaction as Martin walked in, saw his boyfriend sprawled on the sofa in nothing but one of his own jumpers, and dropped two full mugs of tea on the floor. 

“I’ll clean that up later,” Jon grinned, watching the heat rise in Martin’s face, “Do you…do you like it?”

“I…I…you…you’re so…” Martin’s jaw worked but his brain clearly wasn’t, his eyes wide like they wanted to take in every inch of Jon. 

“Thank you,” Jon shifted onto his knees, rather enjoying the way the fabric pulled higher on his leg and Martin’s eyes snapped to it like a cat watching prey, “I wanted to surprise you.”

Martin swallowed hard, like his mouth was dry, “Do you…I mean…can I…do you want…”

“Very much so,” Jon purred, freeing one hand enough to beckon him, “Come here, darling.”

“Oh thank god,” Martin groaned, rushing forward and sweeping him into a kiss that told Jon he’d done a very, very good job. 

The moment their lips met, Jon realised he had what he wanted, even if he couldn’t put a name to it. This closeness, this warmth, all the emotion he didn’t have words for expressed physically instead. He could never say what Martin meant to him, he couldn’t ever thank him for the way he took the parts of Jon that were broken and malformed and sharp and pressed them close without fear. 

But he could kiss him. He could root his fingers in those loose red curls, he could part his legs and make room for him between them, he could moan softly as their tongues brushed each other. And Martin would just know. 

“I can’t believe you did this for me…” his words were breathless, coming between a smile and hungry kisses that trailed down Jon’s neck, to where the jumper revealed his collarbone.

Jon’s words came out shaky as Martin’s leg pressed between his own, his nerves sparking at the contact, “Wanted to make it clear...wanted…fuck, Martin, I wanted you…”

Martin drew back, an expression softened with a heartbreaking mix of disbelief and joy. An expression that told Jon he’d never expected to be here, holding him and hearing those words, believing them, “You have me. You always have me.”

So Jon gave him no doubt, rolling his hips against him, sliding his hands down and under Martin’s shirt, across the warmth of his skin, “I love you…”

“I love you too,” Martin helped him pull off his shirt, sending it to the floor, his jeans and boxers pushed down enough that Jon could wrap a hand around his cock. 

Jon pulled back, eyes travelling across Martin’s body. He’d always felt the need to study the things he felt drawn to, to tag and categorise and collate until he understood them down to the last atom. Martin was no different. Jon found himself making an index of every little detail that made his heart beat faster and the muscles low in his stomach twist, Harvard references to the desire racing through him. 

Freckles, face. Freckles, shoulders, collarbone, like someone had taken a paintbrush full of ochre and flicked it at him. Stomach, soft, rounded, perfect to rest on. Hair, soft to touch, heavily dusting his chest and running down his stomach, between his legs. Cock, thick, heavy enough in his palm to make his wrist ache, slick warmth running between his fingers. Noises, moans. Noises, gasps. Noises, fuck, Jon... 

He guided Martin’s cock between his legs until he felt him press against where Jon was so hot and wet it felt like he was melting. Like their bodies would just run together like candle wax, into one whole and they’d never have to be apart again. 

“Easy, Jon…” Martin’s voice was tight, trembling like a plucked violin string, “Don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t,” Jon’s voice came out a raw moan, halfway to a growl, his heels pressing into Martin’s back, urging him forward.

It wasn’t a complete lie. Martin was a big guy in every sense of the word, there was a bite, a stretch his body wasn’t used to and cried out at. But the word pain implied something bad, something he didn’t want. That burn meant Martin was sharing his body and, right now, he wanted that more than he wanted air in his lungs. 

“Fuck, Jon, darling…” Martin groaned, his face pressed to the side of his neck, one hand wrapped around his waist, the other braced on the arm of the sofa behind him. 

Jon panted heavily, waiting until enough of him broke the surface to think again, to form words, “I’m all yours, sweetheart. Take me.”

More references, more data points rolled in as Martin shifted his weight to his knees, leveraging enough to rock into Jon. Arms, strong, enough to make him feel small in the best way. Scent, warm, amber, heady. Muscles, deceptively hidden under layers of softness but the feel of them tensing, relaxing, tensing was intoxicating. Stubble, rough in the best way as it scratched his shoulder. So many things thrilling Jon, leaving him utterly helpless to his most base instincts, so many things that made up his Martin. 

“More, Martin, fuck, faster…” he begged breathlessly, digging his fingers into his boyfriend’s shoulders so tight there would be marks in the morning.

“I got you, Jon…”

Martin was already thrusting so hard the sofa was creaking dangerously but, just because Jon had asked it of him, he found a way to go harder, faster, hitting Jon’s sweet spot every single time like his whole purpose for existing had become giving him pleasure. It gave what was coming the inevitability of a law of physics, something comfortingly certain, something Jon knew couldn’t be taken away from him. 

“Martin, darling, I…I think…” his voice broke, words unravelling, dissipating when he tried to grasp for them.

“I know,” Martin gasped, voice raw, “I’m with you, Jon, I’m with you, let go…”

It hit Jon with the force of a wave, shattering his control and leaving him reeling. It could have burned up into panic so quickly but Martin was there, heat flooding into him as he came with a soft, sweet cry. There was a long moment of ringing tension that hung like a droplet of water before falling, breaking, and suddenly Jon was back in his body. 

His laugh was half a gasp as Martin collapsed on top of him, the two of them left giggling like teenagers. 

“God, sorry…” Martin panted softly, grinning, trying to shift off of him.

But Jon held on tightly, nuzzling against his shoulder, “Don’t you dare, Martin Blackwood.”

Martin grinned, fingers trailing across the sleeve of the jumper that was now rucked up just underneath Jon’s chest, after their activities it looked like he was going to have to return it in a far worse state than he found it. It seemed like he’d be forgiven, though. 

“Good to know my first attempt at seduction was a success,” Jon smiled, combing back Martin’s curls where they’d stuck to his forehead. 

“Your first huh? Could have fooled me,” Martin snorted, leaning into his touch gratefully, “Where did you even get the idea for this, what on earth possessed you?”

Jon opened his mouth and closed it again before his smile turned slightly coy, “Um, might not be a conversation you want to have while you’re still, y’know, inside me…incidentally, if Sasha looks at you weird on Monday, don’t worry about it.”

Martin, to his credit, managed a whole two seconds before he burst out laughing, which was more than Jon had expected from him. He just had to cling to him, grinning and kissing him until he had no choice but to shut up. 

“You are so adorable,” Martin gently extracted himself from Jon, sitting back and letting his boyfriend pillow his head on his chest, “What happened to the Mr Sims who insisted on strict professionalism on Archive property?”

Jon rolled his eyes at the poor impression, though he couldn’t help smiling at the answer that rose to his lips as he reached up to kiss him softly. 

“You happened.” 

[azacat-alias-lost]

Okay so artblock is being a bitch rn but i just had a BRAINBLAST of a crossover au idea

@sinisterspoon you're gonna lose your shit about this

So picture this. The TF2 Red mercs are getting back from yet another fight with Blu, and yknow its the typical banter n stuff. Then, out of NOWHERE, two people crash through their ceiling. One is a large, freckled man with whitening hair and a horribly stained blue sweater, knocked out cold. The other is a thin, dark-skinned man with salt and pepper hair and oh my god thats a lot of eyes. Holy shit. And they're all open. Dazed, unconscious, but open. He also has a stab wound that is healing unnaturally fast.

Medic is like "Well we should probably make sure they don't die" And so he does. He takes them into his clinic and is going to heal them, and maayyybe do a few experiments along the way. But before he can even make the first incision (he chose the smaller guy), the man's hand shoots up and grabs his wrist. In a voice tinged with the static of a tape recorder, he whispers..

"Where am I? I Know for a fact this isn't London"

Eventually, they both wake up, recover, etc. The Mercs are very intrigued as to where they came from, y'know with falling out of the sky and all. As they hang around each other more, it becomes exceedingly clear that they are Not Human. Fog, Knowing, the way the cameras move to watch them... Heavy is the first to point it out, and Engie is the first to confront them directly.

The Magnus Institute, London. The Fears. The Apocalypse.

Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood are sitting at the table with 9 unrealized avatars of the Slaughter.

What do they do? Well naturally, they ask the two to help in the Gravel Wars. They give them gear, test their abilities, and train them in combat. They connect them to the respawn machine, and familiarize them with the proceedings. The first (and only) time Medic tries to experiment on Jon, he nearly bites his arm off. Yeah, the end of the world kinda made him feral.

And so two new Mercs are created.

JONATHAN SIMS: THE INTEL - The Intel can certainly fight, although their damage is very weak. Mostly specializing in overseeing the battlefield, they give information and locations to members of their team. They have a spot on the map that they can go to view cameras, picking off Spies and warning of Snipers and Engineer's turrets. In this zone, they cannot be harmed, but no one else is able to get in range to be harmed by them. They also have the ability, (once per game) to pick one person on the enemy team and just absolutely obliterate them. Smite them, if you will.

MARTIN BLACKWOOD: THE WISP - A master of stealth, the Wisp has the ability to float around the battlefield like a cloud of mist. Just barely visible, they can hide in almost any place. The moment they materialize to fight, however, they become vulnerable. Extremely vulnerable. Their damage hits like a tank, but their defense is very poor. After materializing, they have a cooldown before they can turn to mist again. Their weapon of choice is a damage-heavy knife, much sturdier and more jagged than Spy's switchblade.

This is NOT what they thought their Somewhere Else would be like. But hell, it beats being stuck at the Supernatural Horror Collecting Factory.

"Where you go, I go."

"Always."

Anyway, please let me know what you think!! This has been rotating in my mind for a little bit and might be the best crossover I've ever come up with

[zabala0z]

Welcome back to the first episode of “Listening to TMA S5, blind” I’m your beloved host and guys. Guys guys. I actually am freaking out.

MAG 161: Dwelling

I’m actually screaming. Hearing the old gang actually made me want to cry. SASHA. SASHA I MISSED YOU :(( also Elias: “I’d like to keep an eye out” you think you’re so fucking funny. I loved the very off key singing of Happy Birthday. Accurate. I wonder if Elias/Jonah sent the tapes for a reason. It’s definitely not to gloat. Is this apart of a wider web of manipulation? The Web style? Also, the fact Sasha could’ve been head archivist. Jesus

Hearing the description of the entities, that they don’t care enough to keep humanity fed and watered unnerved me a lot actually. I don’t know.

MAG 162: A Cozy Cabin

GERRY!!! Nice to hear him as a human, without all the ghost-like qualities. Although hearing Jon rewind the tape over and over and over and over again just made me feel bad.

And then Sasha and Tim.

“we had the ill-advised hookup, the awkward aftermath, and the gradually rebuilt friendship, but – that’s all season two stuff. We’ve got like five more seasons before we get the heartwarming epilogue that makes it canon.”

“No. You took it too far! I’m unforgettable!”

So what if I just ended it all?

Also Jon’s monologue. For a bit, I thought he was “knowing” one of Martins poems that he made during this since Martin was the one who did not like staying at the cabin but no, I was wrong. But time to see the outside world

MAG 163: In The Trenches

I wanna go back to the cabin.

I love TMA so much because of how the format switches up every season. Like season 1 was pretty simple enough with season 2 having Jon add in those supplementals and having a new setting (the tunnels). Season 3 cranks it up with having live statements from recurring characters, statements read by others, and dropping some lore. season 4, while similar to season 1 in terms of format, has Martin reading statements, more god damn lore and some new settings. And now season 5 has uh all this. It’s so amazing and I love it and I’m terrified.

Hearing Jon describe everything going on actuslly made me horrified. Like I got spooked out by the statements but this made me feel so much dread like I’m not even kidding. I also wanna know more about that weird ass doctor and the man with the red flower. Avatars of The Slaughter I presume.

Also that phone. ???? What???

MAG 164: The Sick Village

Gross. While the previous episode made me experience horror, this made me feel disgust. Disgust that just burrowed into my bones (get it. Cause..the episode-). I had such a deep instinct of repulsion. Like actually. I also read the triggers just cause you can never be too careful and I remember thinking, “how can xenophobia be involved with The Corruption?”…apparently xenophobia was very prevalent

Now I know where the whole “Martin’s middle name” thing comes from. I’m glad Basira is alive. And heart broken at the tragedy there is. She’s always chasing Daisy and Daisy is always chasing another thing SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

I think Georgie and Melanie are in the tunnels. It’s been established before that Elias can’t see in the tunnels which probably means Jon can’t see them. I’m glad they are safe. They need it.

Helen! Nice to see her again, I actually cackled when she said “check up on the happy couple”. Nice to see a confirmation about the relationship. This is like the worst time to be dating someone though 💀 Helen’s so happy. I’m sure she has a ton of people in her hallways. I don’t know if she’s lying about the “friend thing, but it’d be funny if she wasn’t

Okay. That’s everything. Sorry for the long wait, I had to take a break after season 4’s finale and then ANOTHER one after listening to the first 3 eps. This is like, actually heavy. Kinda draining. But god, I’m actually going insane.

I want to know how this is going to be fixed. Like. There’s gotta be some happy ending. ??? Right??? Please tell me there is one.