#jokes on them they actually look comfy
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heyclickadee · 2 years ago
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I think I've been assigned "dad" by tumblr. I keep getting ads for cargo shorts.
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yardsards · 6 months ago
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
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#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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elegyofthemoon · 1 year ago
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on silly gender moments with snow: realizing you've been saying "i shouldve been born a guy" since you were like. 10
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victorluvsalice · 2 years ago
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-->And then Victor was attacked by bees. In fact, he was attacked by bees twice. *facepalm* Yeah, kinda forgot that spring meant those little bastards would be awake and unhappy. . .they eventually left Victor alone, though, allowing him to offer his wrist to Smiler for a taste. After Smiler had gotten their fill, I had them mop a slime creature while having Victor finally change into some more gardening-appropriate clothes --
-->And then had Smiler try out some flower arranging, because it was New Skill Day, and they needed to level up a skill they were low in! And they already had a bit of Flower Arranging skill from tending the bonsai bush in the living room, so I figured, why not have them arrange some bluebells? They fiddled around for a little bit while Victor continued harvesting and tending his plants, eventually getting skill 2 and making a vase worth a whole twelve simoleons. XD To be fair, that’s still all pure profit, as the arrangement cost nothing to make, sooo. . . XD Plus it actually completed their New Year’s resolution as well, so double bonus! Flush with success, they headed upstairs to check the trends on SimsTube, then make another gadget review for the masses. Still in their party wear, because why not. XD
-->Alice, meanwhile, came back from her jog with Fitness level 5 (also fulfilling New Skill Day!) and some Flirty feelings about how well her romantic relationships were going. In fact, the moodlet suggested that maybe she should write a book. . .so that’s exactly what I had her do! I mean, she is working on the Bestselling Author aspiration anyway, so. . . She promptly started “It Takes Two Sometimes,” a book of her musings on her polyamorous “vee” relationship with Victor and Smiler. :)
-->And Victor continued his pottering in the greenhouse -- harvesting his oversized crops (just medium sized this time!), replanting and fertilizing them all, harvesting his regular crops, and finally giving his bees some demiting treatment to see if that would calm them down. Did it work?
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autumnation · 1 year ago
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everytime I want to finally draw an oc and get some development in, my brain always makes me unable to visualise them properly as if I haven't had these brainworms since I was 14
#im TWENTY ONE NOW#but noooo i have to make a moodboard so my dumb little baby brain can know what they look like#as if one of them isnt one of the most wettest pathetic loserboys in a collared white button up and wingtips#i literally have to make moodboards for them this is so annoying#last time i opened the oc moodboard file was april this year#im not even halfway done 😭😭#one day ill get this done and then i can actually put them on paper and then NO MORE ILLNESS#ally isaac benedict fiore flynn charlotte im gonna draw u guys one day 🫵 just wait for me#(just realised i have a pretty clear visual of hunter in my head but. he's not even part of my main cast of ocs UGH)#its bc he's so stereotypical like he has messy unkempt hair and a huge ass scar across his nose and its like he doesnt take care of himself#ohmygod i need to make a moodboard of hunter. my main ocs are gonna kill me 🥴#.txt#edit: just remembered one of my ocs outfit inspirations was supposed to be wallace wells (and this was way way back before the anime)#but i never put anything in his moodboard and. oh im so sad i didnt bc comic wallace looked so comfy in winter fit#and i can't find the refs#edit 2: didnt wanna say it but hunter looks like a very messy cellbit in my head (and cellbit is already v unkempt and scraggly)#aight now that ive done a mcyt link i was googling messy anime businessman for benedict refs and#NO JOKE one of the refs straight up look like elmariana it made my jaw drop#LIKE. DOES BENEDICT LOOK LIKE COURT SUIT MARIANA TO ME#I'll scream I'll cry i cant do this today please. let me finish this half completed benedict moodboard#god please dont. dont do this to me benedict is already sad wet and pathetic enough i cant- i can't visualise him looking like qmariana i-
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maplesyrupsainz · 2 months ago
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙op(rincess)81 | OP81˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: oscar piastri x princess!reader y/n (she/her)
genre: social media au
warnings: just fluff, idk anything abt royal families i have taken many many liberties so please forgive
summary: in which after bagging a princess, it takes a long while for the fans to realise it actually is oscar
a/n: haven't written for oscar in ages so i picked him!!! also my first royalty smau so hope it's ok
request!!!: could I request a royal princess!reader with Oscar or Lando please and they are spotted and nobody believes it’s actually them until their is a statement made about them being engaged or something!!!!
my masterlist
fc: christinanadin
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instagram ->
mclaren 📍 monaco
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liked by princessyn, oscarpiastri, and others
mclaren swipe to see our very special guest in monaco!
tagged: princessyn
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user1 NO WAY
user2 omgg i can't believe she was there
user3 and with mclaren too wth??
user4 princess y/n's first f1 appearance!!!! & in papaya too she's jus like me fr
user5 so cute love her
oscarpiastri some might say...... papaya princess
liked by mclaren, princessyn
user6 ??? HES SO CHEESY
user7 oscar trying to flirt?
user8 who is she??
user9 y/n! she's the princess of monaco
user10 tbh i thought she was gonna be in ferrari garage or something
landonorris was such an honour!
liked by mclaren, princessyn
scuderiaferrari can we have her next 😕
mclaren not sure about that
princessyn 📍 monaco
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others
princessyn my first experience of formula one!! it was so much fun in the mclaren garage, thanks guys :))
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user11 she's soo humble
user12 love her, so cute
user13 THE OSCAR HAT AND PICCC
user14 taste omg??
user15 she's so real
user16 she said piastri rights
oscarpiastri so fun having you this weekend!
princessyn loved being there! thx again for your hospitality :)
oscarpiastri anything for a princess!
user17 rizz
landonorris thanks for coming y/n! (even tho you werent repping number 4)
princessyn hahah maybe next time 👀
lnfour we hope so
mclaren you're welcome back anytime 🧡
liked by princessyn
yourbff next time invite me
princessyn oh for sureee
twitter ->
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messages ->
txts between oscar & lando !!!
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instagram ->
yourbff
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liked by princessyn, friend1, and others
yourbff can you tell i love my best friend
tagged: princessyn
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user22 we love her too tbh
user23 something something two pretty best friends
user24 oscar piastri's gf?
user25 HAHAH
princessyn love you more than anything
yourbff my princess (literally)!!!
princessyn and u? my queen 👑
oscarpiastri me too apparently
yourbff HAHAHA apparently? are you sure?
princessyn oscar 💀
user26 HAHAHA OSCAR?!?!!!
user27 omg he's a jokester
user28 oh it's definitely not true if they're this comfy making jokes 😂
user29 love this new era of y/n being friends w the f1 grid
princessyn posted a story
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liked by oscarpiastri, yourbff, and others
user30 going where y/n <3
user31 omg so gorgeous
user32 how do u look so good without even trying
user33 perfect girl
oscarpiastri wow
princessyn shush you
oscarpiastri 😉 see you soon
user34 i wish i was u
user35 come to spanish gp pls 🥹
oscarpiastri posted a story
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liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and others
user36 omg who???
user37 OSCAR?
user38 wait...? tan? brunette..?
danielricciardo oh we are lucky enough to be graced with the princess’ presence again? 👀
oscarpiastri you know it
user39 fanning the flames of that random y/n & oscar rumour ..... 👀
user40 a moment for the dress, whoever she is
user41 soft launch much
landonorris making me feel extra single right now
liked by oscarpiastri
user42 WHO IS SHEEE
twitter ->
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instagram ->
princessyn 📍 barcelona
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liked by francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, and others
princessyn back racing!
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user43 ahhh oscar cameo
user44 this is so cute
user45 she's so gorgeous
user46 wish i was a princess 🥹
landonorris god i hope you weren't the one in the car doing the racing
princessyn shut up lando
oscarpiastri shut up lando
landonorris okay okay my bad
user47 HAHAHAHA
yourbff you never miss 😍
liked by princessyn
francisca.cgomes oh to be you 💋
princessyn omg?! if you dont shut up
user48 she's real for that. kika is too perfect already
user49 the wags in her likes & comments ahhhhh
oscarpiastri posted a story
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liked by yourbff, landonorris, and others
user50 WAIT IS THAT Y/N???
user51 what
user52 huh? so u are dating her or what
user53 oscar trying to rizz up the princess of monaco lol
user54 so sweet they're all friends now
landonorris good luck 😉
oscarpiastri thanks, i'll need it
alexandrasaintmleux 😍
liked by oscarpiastri
princessyn posted a story
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri, and others
yourbff god it's so so beautiful
princessyn ikr 🥹 still crying
francisca.cgomes congratulations gorgeous
liked by princessyn
alexandrasaintmleux 🥹🥹🥹 angels
liked by princessyn
landonorris one of us now
princessyn ...great
user55 wait huh
oscarpiastri i love you
princessyn i love you
twitter ->
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instagram ->
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, princessyn, and others
oscarpiastri my future wife ❤️
tagged: princessyn
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user61 omg what the hell how is this real
user62 WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU WERE DATING
landonorris nah you just didnt look hard enough dont blame osc
user63 LANDO?!?!!?
user64 he cooked
yourbff CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!!!
charles_leclerc congratulations to the happy couple!
logansargeant congrats guys! it was a long time coming
user65 fym long time coming omg how long have they been dating bro
carlossainz55 so happy for you guys
pierregasly hope this means we'll be seeing more of y/n around the paddock!
oscarpiastri did kika hold a gun to your head as you wrote this?
estebanocon such amazing news, congratulations 🥂
mclaren our princess 🧡
liked by oscarpiastri, princessyn
francisca.cgomes congratulations sweeties <3
alexandrasaintmleux most gorgeous couple!
georgerussell63 hope im invited to the wedding !
user66 *crickets*
flavy.barla wishing you a lifetime of happiness 💖
alex_albon congratulations oscar & y/n
lilymhe gorgeous girl & gorgeous ring 💍
carmenmmundt such a lovely couple, congratulations 💕
user67 all the drivers & wags omgg ugh
princessyn ahhhhh i have butterflies!! i love you so much
oscarpiastri i love you so much more
THE END 🧡
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icarusredwings · 3 months ago
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Thinking about Logan getting really worried when Wade's (metaphorical) mask comes off and he's not the guy dancing on the bar, making boob jokes and kicking people in the face but rather the one with his face in the toilet at the club, promising he's okay while still struggling with the side effects that come with cancer.
"No no, really its fine! Go on, go have fun ill be out in a second!"
And being the emotionally closed off manly man that Logan is, doesn't press about it but still waits outside by the door, not letting people in the bathroom, ending up causing a bar fight because hed rather get punched in the jaw then let someone see Wade like that and embaress him.
Thinking about him coming home with groceries and finding him dead asleep on the couch, but the kind of sleep that looks like it was taken by force rather than comfy. The kind where you pass out because your body has had enough and just coming to check on him every couple of minutes before eventually sitting next to him and just waits until he wakes up.
Al can't see. But she's had a smug look on her face ever since Logan has walked in the door because she can hear him walking back and forth to go check on her room mate.
"You're really worried about him, ain't you?"
"What?"
"He's fine, you know. He does that. Go on. Go do what ever it was you angry men do."
But he doesn't go. He stays put. Like a loyal dog at his owners death bed, hoping if he stares enough, he'll get better. Eventually, he falls asleep too And Al is going to tease them both about this for the next month. She took photos to prove it.
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Soon enough, it evolves into him picking up tasks so that Wade can rest but refuses to tell him why. He doesn't want to embarrass him and make it feel like a big deal.
"Alright. Well, I'm gonna go walk mary puppins. You want anything from the bodega?"
"No.. actually.. could I walk her? I can take her. Being in this apartment is killing me."
"What need to get your steps in or something?"
"Something like that."
"Ah I get it. Wild cat needs to prowl. Well alright. But dont be taking our baby to any skanks house! Shes too innocent!"
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doestalker · 3 months ago
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their fav panties!
including: toji, nanami, gojo, geto, choso, sukuna & hiromi (nsfw, mdni, geto's reader has hip dips)
thank you sm for 700 followers!
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TOJI likes the black thong with the red 'property of toji' embroided on the front you bought as a joke. when he pulled down your shorts and read it, he burst out laughing, you did too. but he actually loved it and made sure you knew by giving you the most life changing backshots you've ever gotten, thong still on. his hips bucked in an angle that always hit the right spot with the tip of his cock. he also made sure to fill you up with his cum, just to further mark his property.
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NANAMI likes the frilly ones that look like a little skirt, specially the one with a bow behind. he likes to look a it when you're on your knees, bent over and struggling to fit all of his girth inside your mouth. his arm rests on the back of the couch, a glass of whisky hanging from his fingers, his tie is loose and his hair is all messy. he looks like a mess and he knows it, but he also loves the contrast of his rugged self and the softness of your figure in front of him, offering your warm throat as stress relief.
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GOJO likes buying you lingerie sets any chance he gets, that's the benefit of having a rich boyfriend! he likes the ones with the tiny and lacy thongs he can just pull to the side and let you bounce on his dick all you want. he loves it when you're on reverse cowgirl, and how from his point of view there's nothing but a thin elastic clinging to your ass cheek. he buys them custom made, and makes sure to add a little 'SG' charm on the back so he can mark his territory anytime you wear them with your low rise jeans.
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GETO likes the calvin klein set you have that matches his boxers. he likes it when you both come back from the gym and start undressing for a quick shower together and sees in the reflection of the mirror the matching sets. he then focuses on how your dips on your hips stand out more with the high waisted underwear and his mind starts to go places. as much as he loves the way your figure looks with them on, he much prefers them out of the way, craving nothing but the warm feeling of your pussy wrapped around his cock mixed with the cold tiles of the shower.
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CHOSO likes you in anything, but if you were to ask him, he would say the black boyshorts are his favourite, the ones you often wear with one of his band tees to walk around the house. it's comfy and sexy, and he likes that he can smell himself on you when he hugs you from the back. although he can't help himself and a hand may slide down to your pussy and start lazily playing with your clit. the soft fingers massaging your bud sending shockwaves through your entire body and his hot breath whispering sweet praises on your ear.
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SUKUNA likes the ones with the slit, he's a man with urges, so he appreciates the easy access for a quickie in a public bathroom or in the car. he just lifts your skirt and spreads you open with his cock, no prep or anything. 'cause he knows that you like the burning sensation followed by the delicious fullness of his length buried deep inside of you.
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HIROMI likes the sheer pair of briefs you bought for your one-year-anniversary as a surprise. the meshy black fabric lets him see those puffy pussy lips when you bend over for him and he can't help but lick you through the panties. thankfully the fabric is so thin you can feel his tongue messily lapping at your cunt and the friction that the mesh adds is just so nice.
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Clownfall: the Election Cometh
It's a long one, lads. Buckle up, get comfy, but the circus is in town for its final run. Ambient music as you read can be found here or here, take your pick. Get popcorn. Get snacks and water and a blanket.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Wednesday 22nd May
7.12am
Household favourite and queen of our hearts Pippa Crerar of the Guardian (her who did the investigative journalism that revealed PartyGate to the world) reports that UK inflation fell to a mere, paltry 2.3% in April.  The lowest level in three years!  Huzzah! But … still smaller than the decline that was expected. 
Nonetheless, Rishi Sunak and Jeremy Cunt whoops I'm so sorry I meant Cunt haha whoops said it again make a big fuss about how brilliant this news is, and how it shows that they are Good At Maffs after all that trouble with Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng, who defined themselves as being Good At Maffs and then obliterated the economy in a single day.  Remember that! Good times. But hey, look, THIS PM/Grand Vizier combo are great at this! Inflation has fallen! Stop looking at the predicted rate! A fall is still a fall!
Crerar wonders whether people will actually feel better off, though – prices and mortgage rates are still high, after all. Food for thought.
10.04am
Jeremy Hunt is asked on the Today programme whether Sunak will call a general election.
Now, the logic here is that the government is likely to do better in an election if the economy’s improving; which, SunakCunt are now shrieking from the rooftops. So, is now the time? It's a win, and they've had so few of those, but historically people really do like to fall for the right wing = better economy myth... 
BUT – the Tories are doing so very badly in the polls.  Journalists favour the idea of an autumn election.  Tories do better when the weather’s bad, because fewer people go out and vote.
 “Well that’s a matter for the prime minister, it’s not a matter for me,” says Cunt. 
... Well.  Not ruling it out, then? Diddorol.
10.30am
It's Wednesday, aka the date that Tory cabinet ministers have their weekly meeting. They are duly sent the agenda.
There is no mention at all of an election announcement, nor any plan for an election.
Fair enough! 'Twas an idle thought. Plus, it would actually be bad timing from a logistical perspective - David Cameron, Foreign Secretary and Bae of Pigs, is currently flying out to Albania for an important international meeting, and Jeremy Cunt is on TV all day today - ITV next.
12.18pm
Sunak is asked at Prime Minister’s Questions whether he’ll call a general election.  He doesn’t rule it out.
12.56pm
Fun tweet alert!
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2.31pm
Pippa Crerar asked Sunak’s press secretary whether he was calling an election.  She refused to comment.
Surely it’s a terrible time to call an election! Everyone hates them!  But suddenly …
A Cabinet meeting is scheduled for 4.15pm.  David Hameron suddenly u-turns in Albania and comes straight back home, his meeting un-met.  Jeremy Cunt cancels his ITV appearance.  The afternoon meeting is cancelled. Number 10 stops responding to journalists.  Manifesto work has stepped up.  Sunak’s chief-of-staff is spotted wearing a suit and tie WHICH IS UNUSUAL.  Senior ministers have spent the last few days doubling down on dividing lines.  And Tory bosses had a meeting this week to discuss how much money they could spend before a summer election.
The UK press sense blood in the water.
3pm
Okay.
There’s something you need to understand:
People suspect Rishi Sunak doesn’t actually want to live in the UK.  He’d prefer to be in California.  He’s here because he’s an MP.
You need to know this to understand this truly historic incident.
Nadine Dorries has produced a good tweet.
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...
...
...
No, we all need to sit with this one for a minute
(For the record... to us, that is an excellent joke. But I strongly suspect she wasn't joking and was trying to make a catty accusation instead, which coincidentally appeared like a roast.
Scientists are referring to this as Stopped Clock Syndrome.)
5.17pm
With great dignity, Rishi Sunak stands outside Number 10 and announces a general election on 4 July.
And by “great dignity”, I mean he’s soaked by rain, while “Things Can Only Get Better” plays in the background courtesy of an anti-Tory protestor with a big speaker and a dream; the song adopted by he Labour Party for the 1997 election, where Tony Blair famously won a landslide victory after 18 years of Tory rule. Eventually, the volume of it is raised so high Sunak is, on more than one level, drowned out.
5.37pm
According to Gabriel Pogrund of the Times, Labour can’t believe Number 10 allowed this to happen.
One Labour insider texts: “Umbrellas are woke”
6.06pm
Good tweet alert!
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8pm
A later Guardian article reports that Sunak greeted around a hundred Tory activists – still wearing the same rain-soaked trousers from the announcement.
No word at all on why he doesn't have aides capable of fetching him dry trousers. Perhaps those, too, are woke.
8.14pm
A Sky News reporter is at Sunak’s campaign launch.  But, bafflingly, he’s forcibly removed.  Extraordinary scenes
Elanor's Pro Tip: Removing a journalist may not be the best PR move for the start of an election trail.
8.27pm
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9.36pm
A GBNews reporter claims that some Tory MPs are trying desperately to replace Sunak as leader in order to call off the general election.  For this to work, they’d need a vote of no confidence before the dissolution of parliament on Thursday 30 May.  Except actually, that would have to happen before the proroguing of parliament on Friday 24 May.
So … this won’t work.  But how very incredible - and hilarious - that they’re trying.
10.39pm
Let's take a look at the evening headlines!
A great start to Sunak’s campaign, with newspapers - including the Tory giant The Telegraph - celebrating the triumphant launch of his campaign:
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Well! WHAT a day! Let's see how Thursday goes.
Thursday 23 May
8.00am
The BBC takes a moment to gleefully throw off the shackles of political oppression of the last 12 years to reveal that Rishi Sunak's announcement of a July election, the single most important announcement for a sitting government, the most sensitive and vitally-timed event in their calendar...
Was a total surprise to the rest of the party.
Tory party MPs found out when we did that they were about to have to campaign again. For a snap GE. Three weeks after having just done it for the council elections, in which they experienced the greatest single loss of their councillors in history. Even the damn meeting agenda was fake.
Still. Perhaps this explains the lack of umbrella or trousers.
9.09am
Nigel Farage confirms he will NOT stand at the general election. 
*pause for applause*
That’s because he’s helping Trump get re-elected in the US right now.
*pause for screams*
This is good news for the Tories!  And the rest of Britain, actually (commiserations to America. Please shoot him). Farage’s right-wing populist party - Reform UK - is the spiritual successor to UKIP and the Brexit Party, who’ve been splitting the right-wing vote for years.  Farage is popular; it’s bad news for Reform if he’s not part of their campaign, but simply fantastic news for those of us who think queer folks, women and people of colour deserve human rights.
9.19am
According to BBC News and others, Sunak has hired Isaac Levido, the election strategist behind the Tories’ landslide win in 2019.  Levido knows his stuff, and advised Sunak to stick with an autumn election.
Sunak ignored this advice.  Lol.
9.20am
In the Guardian, Sunak says there WON’T be planes of immigrants flying to Rwanda before the general election.  Good news for those of us who think it’s monstrous to deport immigrants to countries with unsafe governments.  Bad news for Tory voters who were hoping to get racists to vote for them.
Now, this is particularly funny, because promising to deport refugees to Rwanda in spite of overwhelming legal opposition on human rights grounds is probably the single hill that the Tories have chosen to commit genocide on. This bill has been in and out of every court in the land since they promised it in 2019. It's been on again off again more than a tawdry tabloid romance. But, they finally managed to push it through, and the first planes were set to fly in July.
This means! That Sunak's strongest cards going into the election were the drop in inflation, and the Rwanda bill. He could sell it as "In spite of those bleeding heart liberals, we persevered and managed to tenaciously get rid of these browns and thus fulfilled our promise", and the fact that it won't actually affect the immigration numbers wouldn't be clear until after the election. And make no mistake, it is VITAL that those planes fly before any election - quoth one influential Conservative MP on the right of the party to the BBC:
“I know what question you’re going to ask us again and again. "You’ll say we’ve been banging on about Rwanda for years and we’ve only managed to fly one migrant out there - and we paid him to go”.
It took a single day for that gamble to dramatically fail.
Lol. Lmao, even. One might almost say rofl.
9.21am
Sunak is emphasising his own role in managing the economy.
The Guardian’s Rowena Mason points out that it might be better to sell this as a Tory victory rather than a Sunak victory, considering how badly Sunak’s doing as an individual in the polls.
10.45am
I'm obviously giving a lot of attention here to the funniest and most ridiculous stuff, but let’s take a moment to celebrate some genuinely brilliant journalism:
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0_o
The whole article’s worth reading. It confirms that at least one more hi-vis wearer was a Tory councillor in disguise (in this case Ben Hall-Evans). Perhaps this is why they started by removing all the real journalists.
12.42pm
Sunak’s campaign takes him to a brewery in Wales!  He attempts some Bonding With The Working Man and asks the workers if they’re excited for the football.
Top tip: if you don’t realise the country you’re in hasn’t qualified for the Euros, maybe don’t even mention the subject.
6.55pm
... here is a new problem. Ish.
As mentioned, three weeks ago, England held local council elections. In that time, the Tories lost over half their councillors; an unprecedented and staggering loss in one event. We are all still bathing in the schadenfreude.
But, many of those then left the party (probably fairly, actually - monsters though Tories are, that cannot have been fun.) But, the way politics in the UK works is that when you vote, you don't vote for the party - you vote for your local representative, and then it's a numbers game as to which party gets to rule. This means, with this sudden last-minute possibly-impulsively-declared-by-one-soggy-madman election now six weeks away, those candidates all need replacing so that the Tories will have a shot at getting the numbers they need to form a majority government.
Channel 4’s Paul McNamara reports that Conservative HQ have emailed asking for candidates in almost 100 seats.  The deadline’s tight for this – and apparently, joining the lengthening list of people who weren't informed of this stupid election plan, Tory associations are livid at being left so unprepared.
Now, a lot of these seats are Labour strongholds, so you don’t necessarily need more than a token Tory candidate for them. Phew! A great relief.
But some of them are actually good Tory seats. Uh oh!  Basildon, Bury St Edmunds, Wellingborough and Rushden …  It’s a bad hit to the Tories to have so little time to find good candidates for these seats.
8.59pm
Labour launch a campaign video.  It’s long, but the message is, “Remember life before the Tories got into power?  Wasn’t it BRILLIANT?”
And to prove how great 2009 was, they’ve included a clip of David Tennant’s Dr Who saying “I don’t want to go.”
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Lol.
9.57pm
Filmmaker Richard Cubitt jokily suggests he could stand as a Tory candidate, and immediately defect to Labour as soon as possible once elected.
I don’t know if the deadline’s closed, but I am now speaking to the chat. Lads: the time will never be better. Do it. Tell the Tories you'll stand for them. Immediately defect. You have the opportunity to do the funniest thing. Be the rot in the barrel. The time is now.
ANYWAY. Oh boy. Day one of campaigning was quite bad. Ah well! Onwards and upwards for Wali Heb Broli. Let's see what Friday brings.
And of course: the losses are staggering (100 candidates!), but it could be worse.
At least it's not senior MPs.
Friday 24 May
7.00am
Over 70 MPs confirm they will not be standing for re-election.
7.35am
It’ll be lovely to see this election get rid of some truly awful Tories.  But no need to wait that long!  John Redwood stands down.  I haven't mentioned him before, but let's look at his clownface eggshell.
He opposed reducing the age of consent for homosexuality in 1994 and 1999, he voted to keep Section 28 in 2003, he opposed same sex marriage, he voted to reintroduce the death penalty in 1988, 1990 and 1994, he’s argued against Greta Thunberg over the UK’s climate emissions.
Although English, he became Secretary of State for Wales in 1993, and at a Tory conference, had to mime badly to the Welsh national anthem which he hadn’t bothered learning.  In 1995, he cheated Wales out of a £100 million grant by returning it unspent to the treasury, so it could go back to England.
So, John – if by some fantastically rare chance you’re somehow reading this – it’s wonderful to see you step down.  I wish you a very warm fuck you.  And I hope the rest of your life is absolutely horrible and filled with immeasurable pain. Kisses.
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7.58am
Vicky Spratt of the i newspaper announces that, with an election announced, the Renters’ Reform won’t pass.
This is a big deal, actually - this was a rare good promise in the Tories’ 2019 manifesto to protect renters by ending no-fault evictions.  A good promise!�� With cross-parliamentary support, only slowed as much as it was because most Tory backbenchers are landlords and so tried to block it. But the fighting raged on, and it was finally agreed.
And now it’s broken.  Wasting months of work by stakeholders, and thus forming another election promise that would have sailed through if only the election hadn't been called for July.
8.09am
Jeremy Corbyn – remember him? Former Labour leader, who was expelled from the Labour party in 2020 – confirms he’ll be standing as an independent.  He’s continued to be a member of Labour despite being an independent MP – but standing against Labour in an election means he’ll have his membership revoked too.
9.26am
So where are we at? How do you reckon the normal Tories in the party are faring? Do you think they're positive of a win? Do you think they expect to lose?
Great Guardian article here:
Highlights - one government minister happened to bump into his equivalent opposition member, and immediately thrust his official folder towards them, saying, “You might as well have this now.”
Another Tory MP hugged a Labour colleague and cast their arm around the room.  “Good luck.  This is all yours.”
One Tory backbencher was asked if it was a good idea to call an election.  “It’s a disaster. I can’t understand it.”
Even when they’re being optimistic, the Tories seem a little glum.  One long-standing MP said: “Of course I’m going to fight it, I don’t believe in just giving up like the prime minister has obviously decided to.”
A former minister raises an interesting point.  It’s not long, after all, since the Tories suffered those major defeats at the local council elections.  That's impacted the number of candidates, of course - but, local canvassing is largely done, on all parts of the political spectrum, but activist volunteers.
That loss was three weeks ago. If you were a volunteer who just spent weeks knocking on the doors of your neighbours and community, trying to convince them to vote for the dead horse, and then lost – maybe you won’t feel like hitting the streets again so soon. Maybe you'd prefer to be able to meet your neighbours' eyes when you bump into them in the bread slicing queue at Morrisons.
Some MPs have even admitted they won’t be cancelling holiday plans to fight the election.  On top of that, there's over 70 MPs that have already confirmed they’re quitting and won’t be seeking re-election!!! Absolute scenes.
Interestingly, some anti-Sunak Tories report frustration.  They reckon they were close to calling a vote of no-confidence, in the hopes of replacing Sunak with a different leader.  No idea if this is true – and if true, whether Sunak knew it. But given the panicked speed at which it seems to have been called...
11.08am
The campaign takes Rishi Sunak to the Titanic Quarter, to be interviewed by Belfast Live.
Elanor's Pro Tip: if you’re the leader of a failing political party, maybe don’t let journalists interview you on a site named after history’s most famous sinking ship.
11.57am
How’s the campaign going, Rishi?
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Oh, Rishi. Looks like someone else is not meeting anyone's eyes in the bread-slicing queue.
1.12pm
Politics UK reports that 75 Tory MPs are now standing down at the election – the same number of Tories who stood down ahead of the 1997 election.
2.49pm
Sunak’s campaign takes him on board an aeroplane.
Elanor's Pro Tip: if you’re the leader of a failing political party, maybe don’t be photographed in front of an exit sign.
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7.07pm
MICHAEL GOVE ANNOUNCES HE’S STANDING DOWN AS AN MP!
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I could honestly use that gif like seventeen times in this write up. You can all thank me for my restraint in choosing just one.
The 79th Tory to do so at this election – an all-time record exodus.  Hey gang, would you like to see some familiar names joining him in this?
Theresa May
Sajid Javid
Dominic Raab
Matt Hancock
Ben Wallace
Nadhim Zahawi.
It’s just … not a great sign for the party, is it? That so many prominent MPs don’t reckon it’s worth sticking around.
7.50pm
Hey, remember those parody videos of Hitler getting angry with funny subtitles?  Someone made a good Sunak one:
vimeo
10.48pm
The Guardian’s Kiran Stacey reports that Sunak will retreat from the campaign trail, spending the next day at home.
Honestly... that's probably best. Let him recover from the bread excitement.
10.50pm
We round off the day with Andrea Leadsom announcing she too is standing down as an MP. Bye, bitch.
WHAT A DAY! Still, Saturday will probably be better.
Saturday 25 May
12am
New episode of Doctor Who drops! It contains Welsh faeries. I later write a post explaining this. You're all welcome. Back to the circus.
10.06am
Good tweet alert!
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11.14am
Keir Starmer promises to lower the voting age from 18 to 16 if he wins the election.
2.43pm
Hey remember how David Hameron was supposed to be in Albania? And actually went there? And then had to come back because of Rishi's totally-planned-for election announcement?
The Mirror reports that David Cameron spent £60,000 of taxpayers’ money getting to Albania for that trip.  He was there for 89 minutes, before he had to come back in light of the general election announcement.
This means it cost the country £674 a minute for Cameron to be in Albania for about as long as it takes to watch The Lion King.
6.14pm
Labour and the Tories put candidates forward for 650 seats in a general election.
Of course, that's not quite all of them. The Times’ Patrick Maguire understands that Labour have only 13 candidates left to select, which is pretty good.  The Tories are missing slightly more than that. 
They need to find around 190.
(The number is rising. Chat, you know what to do.)
9.29pm
According to the Telegraph, Theresa May has said if she was still PM she would have used an umbrella to declare the election.
She probably would have, too.
10.11pm
Now then!!! Gather round boys and girls and all the rest!
Remember: the election was called based upon the following main cards in Sunak's hand:
The Rwanda bill
Inflation falling
The Renter's Reform Bill
Inflation fell, but not by as much as it should have. The Rwanda plan fell through a day later. The election itself has blocked the Renter's Reform bill.
Rishi needs a new set of promises stat, in order to shore up votes from his most important bastions of support. What can he offer?
The evening brings the answer!
At 10.11pm - note the time - in spite of having taken the day off, Sunak promises mandatory national service for every 18 year old if he wins the election.  Either a year-long army placement, or a weekend a month volunteering for a year.
Sounds like a good pledge, if you’re hoping to motivate 18-year-olds to vote against you.
10.16pm
The Financial Times’ Jim Pickard reveals that the National Citizen Service (David Cameron’s legacy project) had its funding slashed by two-thirds in a 2022 review of government youth funding - when the chancellor was Rishi Sunak.
Five minutes.  That’s how long it took a journalist to melt Sunak’s new pledge.
Still; Tories never let facts get in the way.
10.27pm
Politics UK reports that leaked documents suggest teenagers would be jailed for refusing this national service.
11.47pm
Sunak's bad ideas generator works hard, but the meme makers of the internet work harder:
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Still. Sunday is a day of rest! Hopefully Sunday will be better.
Sunday 26 May
9.50am
Let’s check the Sunday tweets.
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Starting to think whoever is in charge of optics for Rishi Sunak may be a Labour plant.
10.21am
Fantastic tweet alert:
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I Agree With Gabby
3pm
And then... PLOT TWIST!!!
FT’s Lucy Fisher reports that Sunak’s national service pledge - including assigning up to 30,000 18-year-olds to the military - was rejected this week by one of his own defence ministers.
Defence personnel minister Andrew Murrison warned of a hit to morale, headcount and resources if “potentially unwilling national service recruits” were introduced alongside Britain’s professional armed forces.
EVEN THE ARMY DON'T WANT THIS.
6.47pm
And then:
Incredible story from Gabriel Pogrund of the Times.
St Paul’s School, if you haven't heard of it, is an expensive and famous private school in England somewhere (I forget where and don't care).  As with other private schools, they’d be subject post-election to a Labour plan to remove their VAT exemption.
Tory MP Greg Hands took matters into his own Greg hands, and messaged the school’s parents’ WhatsApp group to try and drum up anti-Labour sentiment.
I can see the logic. These are parents with money, who have chosen to send their children to a private school that often means an easy track into politics generally and the Tory party specifically. I see why he thought he was safe.
Tumblrs, he was not safe.
Parents intervened, complaining about Hands spamming the chat, and claiming his use of the chat was “inappropriate”.
One parent messaged: “Can we stop assuming everyone is a Tory in this group.  A return to more morality, less corruption and more social conscience in British politics is not something to oppose necessarily.”
Another expressed that some parents will “feel it is hard to defend private schools being vat exempt.”
Ouch. Swing and a miss, Greg Hands.
Anyway. New week, new campaigning. I am writing this on Tuesday, and so our tale is nearly at an end for now; so let's see what happened on Monday.
Monday 27 May (Yesterday)
7.40am
Britain's teenagers respond to the national service plan. I love this tweet and the video it reposts:
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And here, for your viewing pleasure, is the video:
8.17am
Tory MP Steve Baker (more on him later) actually tweets a public criticism of Sunak’s national service plan.  You might be thinking "Well yes, obviously"! But no! For you see, when approaching elections, parties need to be united. Divided parties generally find it harder to win elections.
Naughty Steve.
8.41am
Foreign Office Minister Anne-Marie Trevelyan, having seen the absolute shambles of Sunak’s campaigning, wakes up this fine Monday morn and invites him to hold her beer.
Appearing on Times Radio, she’s asked whether the parents of teenagers could be prosecuted if the teens refuse to take up national service.
And she doesn’t rule it out.
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NO BUT WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ANNE-MARIE. IS THIS YOUR FIRST DAY OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Parents are NOT prosecuted for any wrongdoing of their ADULT CHILDREN.  How do you not understand this basic legal concept. The answer to that question was “no”!  You say “no” because it makes your party more likely to be elected, and you say “no” because the answer is no.
Oh dear. What a gaffe, as the papers say. Gosh, I really hope Anne-Marie Trevelyan’s gaffe stays contained.
8.56am
The Telegraph duly reports that parents of 18-year-olds might be fined if their children refuse national service.
Anne-Marie Trevelyan’s gaffe did not stay contained.
10.55am
Looks like the Tories are unhappy that the press revealed that Sunak took a day off from campaigning.
But that’s okay, they have a new strategy!  Reported by Politico, they’ve decided to suggest that Keir Starmer is too old to be a good Prime Minister.
They called him “weary” yesterday afternoon;
Tory Party Chair Richard Holden says it’s “bizarre” for Starmer to rest at home the day before a speech (but not for Rishi to - ? You know what, never mind);
A Tory aide tells the Sun that Starmer should be dubbed “Sir Sleepy” (what a Zinger, as those conscripted into national service say);
Another Tory aide calls Starmer “Sleepy Keir” according to the FT.
Keir Starmer is 61 years old.
11.17am
Let's check Tory candidate numbers!!!
Now last we looked it was 190, but obviously, as this is possibly their most urgent priority, they've been working flat out and recruiting across the land and so they have, fair play, managed to reduce that number.
The Spectator therefore reports that the Tories have 12 days to select 160 candidates.  Would you like to see the maths?
This means, on average, they need to select one candidate every 100 minutes.  Which is slightly less time than it takes to watch Toy Story 3.
#ChatYouKnowWhatToDo
12.41pm
The FT’s Lucy Fisher reports that Tory HQ has accidentally sent out an email criticising Tory MPs for failing to campaign, and warning of financial concerns in some seats.
Cannot stress this enough: even if the Tory campaign was going really well and they were predicting a landslide their way, this would be a terrible blow.
5.02pm
The Mirror reports that Tory MP Steve Baker is on holiday in Greece.  That’s pretty irresponsible, isn’t it?  What does Baker have to say for himself?
"The Prime Minister told everyone we could go on holiday and then called a snap election. So I've chosen to do my campaign work in Greece."
… this is the greatest Tory campaign in history.
(And once again... when exactly did you decide to do this, Rishi?)
5.15pm
In an absolutely baffling move whose motives I still cannot entirely fathom, Tory MP Lucy Allan - a repugnant, malignant liar of a woman who once altered an email from a constituent so she could claim it contained a death threat against her - is suspended by the party, for telling voters in her ward to vote for Reform UK instead of the Tories.
...
...
...
...wwwhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
6.18pm
Good tweet alert! Here's political journalist Jonn Elledge:
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6.30pm
Meanwhile, a Tory chooses to contact journalist Theo Usherwood over WhatsApp, criticising the election strategist Isaac Levido:
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Now this is particularly interesting, because Levido is the guy who managed to swing the last GE to BlowJo, even though Labour were riding high on Corbyn. And I don't know, maybe he is actually shit at this and all that was luck.
I just... wouldn't have said he was the reason for this one going the way it is. Necessarily.
Finally, let's finish off Monday with a last good tweet:
10.06pm
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***
That's all for now, folks! Thank you for reading, enjoy the circus playing out this week!
2K notes · View notes
justporo · 1 year ago
Text
Headcanons about living with Astarion
I thought about some of this lately and since yesterday's warmup got out of hand... (Behold him lounging:)
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First things first, if you think living with Astarion will be neat and organised just because he himself always looks put well together: you are in for a surprise
This man - as much as he cares for aesthetics - tends to be messy
Especially since it's been forever that he could actually have and keep stuff, so expect books everywhere, cups left on surfaces, stuff laying around on the floor (and let's be honest, growing up as a noble before didn't teach him anything about being domestic...)
He'll learn though, especially when you reach a point where you could almost throw stuff at him (but he still struggles with it and him buying so many books surely doesn't help)
Astarion is basically cat: lounging everywhere - no surface is safe! Although a comfy sofa or chaiselongue are preferred spots!
Especially when you've sat somewhere and it's still nice and warm and smells of you; "Was that your seat, darling? Well, not anymore!"
But then he would pull you in with a chuckle and have you cuddle up on his lap and also refuse to let you go ("Love, I've only just gotten comfortable, you can't leave now!")
What he lacks in order he makes up with style - to a point it might make your blood boil: "Astarion, please, I couldn't care less if the red of the drapes matches the pillow cases!" "Yes, well, darling - don't take it personally - but I wouldn't have expected you to care anyway." Then he has to dodge several pillows being flung at his head)
Astarion leaves little notes for you to find, like for example if he's gone to run some errands or maybe just because - to tell you he loves you; at some point it kind of becomes a game of him hiding notes somewhere in the house and waiting how long you take to find them - scolding you if you take too long! ("My sweet, a trained donkey would have found it by now! Open your eyes, love, you can't possibly be that distracted by my beautiful face!")
Astarion learns about companionable silence with you - obviously he's very chatty and you love nights just wasted away with talking and joking - about everything and anything; but he also learns how pleasant it can be to just sit there, all cozied up with you and feeling the deep peace of easy silence with you
That or spending some quality time together: him spending time with reading or doing embroidery, you with drawing, also reading or anything else - as long as you're together
At least for a while Astarion really enjoys having a place where he can just... be; obviously this eager little vampire can't sit still forever but he revels in the knowledge of having a place he can always return to, somewhere to be safe and comfy, somewhere he can always be with you
Alright - at least that's how I could very well imagine living with Astarion might be, hihi. This man keeps living in my head - by now I'm sure he's changed my brain chemistry forever, for good...
2K notes · View notes
makethemhoesmad · 3 months ago
Text
love you till my lungs give out
paige bueckers x reader
word count- 2k(lord)
notes: this fic was such a great write for me, as it focuses around eating disorders, which is something i’ve personally struggled with. i know this is a sensitive topic, so please, if this makes you uncomfortable, scroll away, or read at your own risk.
thanks to: literally the biggest thanks ever to @melpthatsme for dming me your idea and helping me work through it, i really could not have done this without you, so everyone thank them
also thanks to @imaginespazzi and @bueckersstrap for reacting to my random messages about this
the first time it happened, i barely realized i did it.
“paigey, my head hurts so bad right now. like, im gonna die right here,” i groan, hiding my face in the fabric of her hoodie, trying to lock out any stray amounts of light coming from the covered windows. she runs her hand through my hair, and starts to ever-so-gently massage my temples. i sigh in quiet relief, and then she tries to pull me up to lay on top of her.
“uh uh, paige, no,” i say. i try to shake my head at her, but a bolt of pain flies through me, forcing my head back down.
“jus’ tryna help you get comfy, ma,” she whispers, bundling me up in a blanket and pulling me back into her side. she moves her warm hands up and under my t-shirt, but i squirm about, complaining that they’re too cold, even though i’ve never felt anything more soft and warm, so she moves them back over my shirt. but i don’t notice it, not really. and neither does she.
the second time, i know what i did.
“so, what should we order to eat?” paige asks, scrolling on her phone for different options. 
“mm, what if i cooked here, for something different! i can make you a grilled cheese,” i joke, nudging her arm with my shoulder. “that’s all i know how to cook anyway.”
she giggles, standing up with me and following me to the kitchen. she hoists herself onto the counter, and watches me intently as i pull out the things for a sandwich. i grin at her, moving to step in between her legs and take her face in my hands. 
“you’re so cute,” i say, pressing a kiss to her nose. she hops off of the counter and follows me to the stove. paige is just too sweet to me sometimes. i’m cooking dinner for her, the least i can do, really, and she’s cozied up behind me, arms around my waist her hands are barely touching, she can barely fit them around me and her chin is resting softly on my shoulder. she’s pressing light pecks to whatever area she can reach, and i feel at peace, in the kitchen, for a few moments. then it stops.
“why aren’t you making one for yourself baby?” she asks, spinning me around to lean me against the countertop, forgetting her sandwich beside her.
“i’m feeling, um, nauseous,” i stutter, stumbling over the excuse. she lets me go, though she looks skeptical.
“cmon, just have a bite of mine then. baby, you really need to eat more, that’s probably why you haven’t been feeling very well lately.”
i allow her to feed me a small bite, then quickly use my fingers to silently add that to whatever else i ate today. i read somewhere that to lose weight, you need to burn more calories that you eat. tomorrow, i need to burn around 800. Well, 804 now. 
the third time, i think paige noticed something was up.
“ma, this is literally the fourth time you’ve said that you’re cold. just take my fucking hoodie, i’m actually begging you,” she pleads, taking it off and offering it up to me. i shake my head, again, and press myself further into her chest, rubbing my arms to try and make the goosebumps disappear. she pulls me into her, then moves her mouth to my ear.
“is everything okay baby? do you wanna go home?” she whispers, nuzzling my neck with her nose. i shrug, not wanting to make her leave if she wasn’t done chatting with people yet. she makes the decision for me, standing up and tugging me with her. her hand finds its way to the small of my back, and she guides me towards the door. i sway slightly as we stand, blood rushing to my head. i take it as my lack of protein, or anything really, catching up to me. she stops walking, lurching to grab me by both shoulders and bend to eye level with me.
“darling, i want you to be honest with me. what have you eaten today?” i shake my head, feeling my cheeks going red at the thought of her confronting me. i look down, trying to avoid eye contact with her as my eyes fill with tears. she wraps me up into a hug, planting a kiss to the top of my head. she pulls me to the car and helps me in, then climbs into her own door, but makes no move to turn the car on. instead she pulls out her phone and asks me “so, where do you wanna stop and pick up food on our way home?” 
“paige, i’m really not that hungry, just tired and need to be with you in bed for the night. can we please just go home?” 
she nods, but looks at me skeptically out of the corner of her eye. she must know that all i’ve eaten today is half an energy drink and a piece of gum. i’ll eat something with her tomorrow, i guess. we can go out to lunch together and then when she goes to the gym ill go on a run. then she’ll see that im okay.
the fourth time, or probably the fifth or sixth, really, i don’t notice it, so i don’t think she does either.
“cmere pretty,” paige mumbles, reaching her arms out to me from where she’s laying on the bed. i slowly move to lay next to her, but roll away when she tries to take my sweater off.
“hey, baby, what?” she whines, apparently frustrated by the lack of contact.
“i wanna leave it on, paigey,” i tell her, moving my hand into the waistband of her shorts.
“but i wanna see you, please baby,” i don’t like saying no to her, but this is one thing i very rarely back down on.
“uh uh, sorry. lemme taste you, though,” i respond, moving to tug her shorts down.
“nah, come and sit on my face, cutie.” she smirks at her own words, but i’m not laughing. i scramble off the bed, standing up to black spots in my vision. i stand still, squeezing my eyes shut to get rid of the feeling. i stay there for im not sure how long, when i feel strong arms loop around my shoulders and help me onto the bed. paige helps me lay down, placing my head in her lap, then starts to comb through my hair with her fingers. she doesn’t say anything, and i’m grateful for that. obviously, she just thinks im tired. she knows im okay.
this time, im sure she noticed. it would be hard not to.
i’ve just come home from a run to the gym, dripping in sweat. it’s part of my new routine. i jog a mile and a half to the gym, i walk on a stairmaster or inclined treadmill there, then run home. normally i leave when paige leaves for practice, and come home just as she’s getting home, if not a little before so i can shower before she gets here. today, i must’ve done a little too much, because by the time i walk in the door, my head is spinning. i walk into the kitchen, sitting down at the island and resting my head in my hands, trying to clear my vision. i don’t hear when the door opens.
“baby, are you okay?” i hear. i sit up quickly, startled, then put my head back down immediately, because my vision goes nearly dark again.
“mhm, just tired you know? just got back from a run.” 
“you’ve got to take a rest day sometimes, darling,” she coos, taking my face into her hands and pressing a kiss to my nose. i nod, knowing i won’t do it.
sometimes i don’t realize it, but she knows exactly what to do.
i’ve just finished cooking dinner, just some simple spaghetti and a salad. i place her bowl of noodles in front of her, then settle down with my salad. when i stand up to get a glass of water, then come back, i can’t help but notice she’s switched our bowls.
“paigey, could i, possibly, maybe, have my bowl back?” i ask, trying to seem lighthearted.
“oh, yeah, sure,” she answers, sliding it back towards me. but when i try to slide hers back, she stops me. 
“nah, you eat that too. seems like you forgot to serve yourself noodles, so ill go make myself a new bowl.” she stands up, but i scramble in front of the stove quicker, blocking her way. 
“why would you do that, when i made you a whole bowl? eat it,” i tell her, pointing back to the countertop. she lunges at me, lifting me easily and placing me on the countertop. why would she pick me up? she definitely thought i was too heavy. i bet she leaves after this. she drags her my bowl over, twirls a few noodles onto the fork, and begins to prod my mouth with it. 
“cmon honey, just a bite. it’s not like it’s poison, you literally just cooked it,” she presses. i start to shake my head, so she moves the fork and instead swoops in for a kiss. i return her advances eagerly. hoping it distracts her. she moves her head down, pressing open mouthed kisses to my neck, and my mouth falls open. i don’t realize she’s noticed that until she’s setting the forkful of food between my lips and lightly closing them.
“it’s one bite, ma. let’s get it eaten, then you can be done.” i chew, not really having the choice to run and spit it out. once i swallow, she beams at me.
“such a good girl, baby. i’m so proud of you.”
at some point, she wins
“come here now, baby,” paige demands, grasping me by the waist and yanking me in front of her. i’d been about to climb into the shower when she spotted me through the bathroom mirror, stripped down to nothing. she’d grabbed me, pulled me into my room, and positioned us in front of the full-length mirror to the side.
“you see how perfect you are? how pretty?” she mumbles into my ear. i let my eyes flutter shut as she snakes her hand down my body, stopping to circle her finger over my clit. a groan slips out from my lips, and she stops.
“alright, i want you to keep on looking right in the mirror, ma. want you to see how perfectly you take my fingers.” i writhe against her, trying to keep my eyes open and hold myself up at the same time. she plunges three fingers into me. i cry out, locking eyes with her in the mirror, she smirks, the same way she always does when drawing a climax from me. i go boneless. if she hadn’t been holding me so tightly, i would be on the floor.
“now can you see how amazing you are? you don’t gotta change anything about you, i’ll love you no matter what. you should stop listening to what others say, because people that love you, like me, want you, no matter what you look like. i, personally, think you’re perfect. i’ll love you till the day my lungs give out, and even then, i’ll use my last breath to say it again.”
after that, it happens less often. some days, i still forget to eat, and some days even looking at a scale makes me want to throw up. but paige is always there. she’s always there to hold me, or help me eat just a little bit, or to help me lay down and relax after i’ve panicked so hard ive puked into the toilet. one day, looking at her from across the couch, i realize that when she told me she’d love me no matter what, she was telling the truth.
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enwoso · 6 months ago
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Hi, I love your writing! I was wondering if you could write a fic where Rooney and Russo are recording there new podcast and they mention a funny story to do with you. With Alessia x reader pairing. You can make the story up but I thought it would be funny
THIRD WHEEL — alessia russo
sorry to whoever requested this as it’s took me so long to actually finish it, but it’s finally here!
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"hello! and welcome back to the tooney and russo show with me y/n l/n, and before you all ask don't worry i'm not stealing vic's job she's just poorly" you said down the microphone, getting yourself comfy in the big chair opposite the couch that alessia and ella were sat on.
"thank god we only have to put up with you for one episode!" ella says rolling her eyes playfully as you gasp, the two bursting into laughter.
"hey!"
"anyways i'm here with two of football most famous friends, alessia russo and ella toone!" you cheered as the two opposite you clapped as well as the people behind the cameras.
"are we the most famous friends?" ella turns asking alessia who shrugs, you clearing your throat to get the brunettes attention back.
"they've just written that on the script to boost your ego" you smile quickly before looking back down to the ipad as the ella starts laughing as does less.
“i’m not lying it’s on here!” you hold the ipad up in there direction showing them, “you really know how to make someone feel good about themselves don’t you, y/n!” ella jokes as you nod you head.
“it’s my speciality — ask lessi i do it on the daily for her!” you say winking jokingly towards less who shakes her head at your silliness.
“whatever helps you sleep at night love” alessia sighs, not wanting to disagree with you knowing the ramble you would go into.
"anyways before we get sidetracked anymore, the fans want to know a bit more about your routine when playing, asking if you find it hard to sleep before a big game?" you read out the question that was on the ipad in front of you.
"speaking on behalf of all three of us here, but we all sleep like babies!" ella says as you and alessia nod in agreement humming.
"yeah what's the saying, can sleep on a camels back" alessia blurts out making you make a confused face, as you mouthed a what to ella who shook her head also having no idea what the blonde had just said.
"that's not a saying babe, you've just made that up!"
"i have not, search it up!” the blonde defended her self as you still looked at her with a confused face trying to understand what she meant from her try at an inspirational message.
“um yeah moving on.. i sleep good all the time to be fair. but do either of you remember the night before the euro final?” you asked them both, ella nodding while less say shaking her head.
“oh yeah, i remember that night. do you not?” ella agreeing with you as she directed the last part of her sentence the blonde sat next to her, who shook her head while mumbling a no into the mic in front of her.
“so obviously we was staying in this really nice hotel, the tottenham hot spur hotel it was i think, and everyone was asleep and um in the night the automatic blinds kept coming up” ella explained as you nodded along.
“i never even noticed to be honest, but i remember you complaining about it in the morning” alessia pointed over to you.
“yeah and i only noticed them because you’d took all the blankets from me and i’d woke up freezing, and then-“ you began as the blonde across you cut you off with a gasp as her mouth went wide open.
“you say this all the time, but i don’t hog the covers!” the blonde said in a defensive tone, ella watching with a smirk on her face at the bickering between the two of you an occasional giggle coming from her.
“how would you know if you do or don’t? your asleep less?” ella commented as you hummed your eyes going wide, “exactly!”
“and then the stupid blinds kept me awake and then less had her alarm set for dead early and she didn’t even wake up — honestly worst night sleep i’ve ever had.” you grumbled carrying on with your small story as alessia mumbled into her mic about you being overly dramatic.
“oh i hate alarms me, i’m the type who had to wake straight up as soon as it goes off” ella says as you hum, “cause once you start snoozing, it’s game over”
“lessi is the worst for snoozing”
the podcast carry’s one as you talk along with the two girls, about random things that start a different conversation until you get up to the fan questions section of the pod.
“so we are up to when you guys at home get to know ella and lessi more off the pitch as they answer your questions where nothing is off limits, i’m excited for this bit” you smile down the camera before smirking to the two girls as they look at each other scared. you continuing to scroll through the ipad.
“first one is weirdest thing your both scared of?” you say giggling to yourself knowing what both of their answers are going to be.
“probably bananas” ella says pulling a face of disgust as you ask why. “i dunno, i just really don’t like them.
“um turkeys or just birds in general” alessia shrugs as your mind takes you back to the world cup of when there was loads of them there.
“there definitely both weird, the next one is directly for you lessi — this fan has said: alessia your half italian but can you actually speak it” you say reading the comment word for word off the ipad, looking up to see the blondes blank face as you begin to laugh along with ella.
“well i can understand it, i tried to learn how to speak it and i can speak a few words..” less trails off her words getting quieter and quieter with each one she spoke.
you raised your eyebrows humming in amusement, “yep and by tried you mean one duolingo lesson?”
“pretty hard to try and learn it when you have someone distracting you every five seconds wanting attention!” alessia argued, taking a sip of her water which was next to her.
“sorry for showing and giving my girlfriend some love?” you scoffed jokingly as you placed your hands in the air in defence. “next time i won’t bother” you added sassily.
the blonde pouting, mumbling along the lines of that you know that she loves giving you her attention you humming at her response, the blonde holding her hands up in an attempt at a heart with her fingers getting a small smile from you.
as ella dry retched down the mic, “do you have to do the lovey dovey stuff every where we go!”
“okay this is a good one, who’s the better driver” you ask, putting the ipad to the other side.
“well i think we can both agree who it’s not-“ alessia smirked pointed between her and ella who nodded in agreement knowing what the blonde was going to say.
“who?”
“you- do you not…” alessia began before you cut her off, “hang on the question wasn’t to include me, and i know the story your gonna tell and it’s gonna be completely wrong but carry on” you sulked, sinking further in the chair you were sat in opposite the two best friends.
“no so you were in a really tight parking spot, which can i add i told you not to park in-“ alessia began to tell the story in between laughs as tooney listened intently, you sat across from them with a frown on your face.
“—and there was this bollard to the right of the car and i told you that you were gonna hit it if you carried on but you were adamant you weren’t gonna hit it. and of course who was right cause then the back of your car ended up with a massive dent in the back along with scratches along the side”
“yeah but in my defense right, since i did move slightly the way you told me to and if i hadn’t i definitely would have missed it” you defended yourself as alessia rose her eyebrows not totally convinced.
“is this the day you came to england camp sulking?” ella asked as alessia nodded her head slowly in response for you, you not wanting to admit it.
“and now i’m banned from driving lessi’s car-“ your frown deepened.
“i mean i’m not surprised!”
“and that’s all we have time for today, before i get outed anymore!” you perked up once again, the two girls straightening themselves up as you looked down the central camera.
“like you haven’t been outing us for the whole ep love” alessia commented as you waved your hand at what she said.
“thanks for joining me, less and tooney as i third wheeled-“ you began again but got cut off by ella. “no i was, as always!”
“bye!”
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sugarlywhispers · 9 months ago
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☆– a.n; here's a lil piece for valentine's day, even tho it was yesterday <3
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Your first kiss with Bakugou was nothing like you expected. You thought, because of his fiery personality, that it was going to be fireworks and heat and passion all over. 
How wrong you were.
Bakugou Katsuki was a massive bundle of nerves, completely clumsy even in his walk–and Jesus, seeing that big mass of muscles trip on his own feet each two or three steps in your walk home from your date, gave you several heart attacks thinking he might kiss the ground at any minute. 
You were not expecting this at all. He was so confident when it came to his job, to his friends, to any situation he was in. Except you. Least to say, it took him for-fucking-ever to ask you out, and when he did, he stumbled upon his words and instead of asking you dinner he asked you, "would you like t'go hungry wit' me?" It took you a minute to understand, he almost backed down due to the embarrassment. Obviously, you grabbed his arm, avoiding him to run away –or better said, explode himself away– and said yes. That night, at the door of your apartment, he tried to kiss you. He bumped his forehead with yours in the rush to get his face closer down to you. He apologized and left.
You remember thinking, that was all. He was not going to speak to you ever again, or at least until his embarrassment backed down a bit, which could be months. It surprised you to see him the next morning entering the little coffee shop you owned with a bucket of roses in his hand, cheeks cutely tinted pink and a funny scowl in his face, lips slightly pout.
You decided then that it was your turn to ask him on a date. Of course, he said yes. But this time, you decided to eat something at your apartment and watch movies. Something easy and comfy. No need to let the pressure of going outside invade him, considering who he is and what it means to be seeing outside on a date with the Number Two Pro Hero. You still didn't know how people hadn't already said something about your first date, when Bakugou took you to a very expensive and recognized restaurant.
After dinner, clearly prepared by him and shared in between cheeky jokes, laughs and innuendos, you were finishing washing the dishes while he dried them. It was that domestic kind of view, him smiling relaxed and amused, his big hero body taking a big portion of space in your small apartment kitchen, his hip resting on the counter, hands busy with his task, the lines at the corner of his eyes showing how happy he actually felt, it was all of him that made you realize…
It’s him.
Bakugou Katsuki is the one.
When he finished, he folded the cloth he was using to dry the last plate and placed it on the counter behind him, before he turned to you, the amusement of the last funny thing you said still printed on his face. “What?”
“I’m going to kiss you, Bakugou Katsuki, so don’t move.” You don’t want a repentance of last time and the bump he left on your forehead thanks to his nervousness.
He visually gulped and you chuckled, but still gave him time to assimilate your words, and your actions, so you moved slowly as if it was a scaredy cat you were dealing with. His breathing was loudly heard with each movement of yours and his hands grabbed the counter strongly like his life depended on that grip. He was serious now, concentrated even in not moving. And that was so cute, that even if he looked that desperate to get close to you, he also wanted to do as you said.
You stepped closer, hand coming to rest just above his heart, and his chest loosened. Katsuki let go of his anchor at the kitchen counter and slipped his hands around your waist immediately and tugged you against him, brushing your noses together. Choosing to dive into whatever ocean you were living as a siren in.
 “If you don’t want to…”
Oh, yeah. You were going to make him say it. Because he was Bakugou freaking Katsuki and you were on fucking cloud nine at the knowledge that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.
“If you don't kiss me right now…” he murmured, voice trembling, and you couldn't avoid the smirk that appeared on your face.
“Then what?” You whisper, your other arm surrounding his neck as your fingers interlace with the short hair at the back of his head, and he breathes out loud.
“Then I'll… I’ll have to do it myself.”
You looked up at him through your eyelashes, smiling one more time, before your lips finally pressed over his. This time softly, generously and carefully loving.
His arms around your waist tightened just as his heart beated fast and strong under your hand. A clear sign that he was as human as you. And he felt as deep into you as you to him.
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daenysx · 7 months ago
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hi love <3
first off i wanted to say that i find myself lurking in your blog way too much than I should (i mean i have a life and i cant spend all day reading your fics, OR CAN I?) and i love how you write and hejsusjsjsj you just make my day, so i hope you’re having a wonderful day gorgeous💗
second of all, can i please request either a poly marauders or a sirius (or James whichever you think fits the story better) x fem reader where her birthday passed and just no one seemed to really care except for the boys? Some of her friends forgot and some others gave a half hearted birthday wish and she just feels sort of unloved? and just lots of hurt/comfort/cuddles/fluff hehe thanks
if u cant tell, im projecting🤧 my birthday was on the 9th and lets just say it was not that important of a deal for most people :)
you are the sweetest angel, my love, happy late birthday!! i'm really sorry, you deserved the best birthday and i hope you can accept this little fic as your birthday gift!! ♡
it's my first time writing for poly!marauders, please share your thoughts with me!!
poly!marauders x fem!reader, fluff + a little hurt/comfort
your cheeks ache from giving smiles to your boys all day.
it wasn't an eventful birthday for you, but it was so so nice. you woke up to kisses from james, his whispers of sweet nothings as remus came back to your side from kitchen. sirius's hair was wet from the shower he took as he does every morning, you and james watched how remus took care of his curls from bed. you spent more than an hour just staying in bed, feeling more loved than ever with their words and kisses.
when remus finally convinced you to leave the bed, james offered to carry you in his arms all the way to kitchen. "anything for my birthday girl." he said, your lovely boy. sirius kissed your lips as he handed you a cup of coffee, pancakes and fruits were just like you enjoy. a perfect birthday breakfast, you laughed at every joke sirius made, accepted every forehead kiss from james. remus was giving you heart eyes, you blushed from the attention you got. he gave you an easy smile and you blew him a kiss.
the boys had plenty of offers for your birthday celebration but you decided to stay at home. you wanted a quiet day with them, just being lazy and careless. thinking about wishes and dreams about your new age. you liked how easy it was to do as you wanted with them, no explanations or excuses needed.
you could hear the whispers coming from kitchen when james got you comfy on his chest, cuddling on the couch. he kissed your hair, your arms tightened around his body. legs tangled, fingers curled up on his shirt.
you checked your phone, the screen was bright, showing there's a birthday message from lily. you smiled, replied her long text. there were other texts from a few of your friends. well, technically they were birthday messages but- none of them felt like they actually wished you the happiest birthday. why would people text like celebrating someone's birthday is a chore? you frowned, couldn't accept the fact that you were in fact, waiting for something better. didn't you deserve it?
james noticed how your smile fell, he could see the texts on the screen. "happy birthday, love u." that girl was supposed to be one of your closest friends. you really were expecting something more- heartfelt? you always tried to make sure people you like know how much they are liked by you, texted the sweetest messages to them, cared about their birthdays more than yours. it didn't feel fair. still, you didn't want to jump into conclusions and ruin your day. you let go of your phone to wrap your arms around james.
he held you gently, kissing you again. "anything wrong?" he whispered. you shook your head. it was nothing important. he nodded, giving you a little time to collect your thoughts.
"angel." he said, "there's something here you may want to see."
you looked up, saw your boyfriends holding a birthday cake for you. it was beautiful, covered in silver colored candles. remus held the cake for you to see better as you sat up, the candles were definitely sirius's choice. you forgot about the texts, seeing them smile at you like you were the most precious thing in the whole world was making your head dizzy with affection.
you blew the candles, making a wish. james's fingers were drawing circles on your arm. you kissed your boyfriends thank you, a slow but happy tear rolled on your cheek. "come on, sweetheart, there's nothing to cry about. you're still young." sirius said, winking. his lips were curved into a playful smile.
"let's eat the cake." you said. "god, it looks so good."
"you remember remus's friend who owns a bakery? we got the cake from his shop." james said.
"who, charles?" you asked, remembering details about charles for a second. "i always see the cakes he makes on instagram, he's really good."
"first slice for the birthday girl." remus said, giving you your cake. "happy birthday, sweetheart. we love you so much."
"i love you so much." you said before taking a bite. "it's delicious. thank you."
sirius ate his own slice in three seconds. "this is better than i expected. another slice, please moony."
you kissed his chocolate covered lips fondly. hours were spent on eating cake, gossipping about sirius's workplace, drinking tea, and changing into different cuddling positions. your phone was silent, no one called. there were no other texts. it's weird, you thought. even the people who celebrated their birthdays with you didn't bother to give you a small text.
the day is almost finished, you are full with cake and sweets. james insists on doubling up the princess treatment he gives you every day and helps you with your skincare. you are sitting on bed as his fingers apply your night cream on your achy cheeks, sirius and remus brush their teeth at the bathroom after you and james leave for bed. your hand reaches to your phone. nothing.
"i think," james starts. "it's time you should tell me what's been on your mind all day."
you shrug. what can you tell? expecting birthday wishes from people feels weird. maybe they forgot. maybe they didn't care enough. should you remind them it's your birthday? no, that's stupid. is it? you don't know.
"what's upsetting my baby on her birthday?" he says. "tell me."
"there's something upsetting our baby?" sirius steps in after remus. "what happened?"
you give them a smile that says you're okay. "nothing." you start. remus's eyes find yours, worry sparks in them. "it's just- the girls and my friends from work- some of them forgot about my birthday, and other messages were a bit weird."
"i'm sorry." remus says, holding your hand. "i'm really sorry about that, angel."
"it's okay." you say. "i mean, no one has to remember."
"um, yeah, they kinda have to at some point." sirius says. "you do your best to remember things about your friends and you have every right to expect the same from them."
"i know." you say. you know, but what can you do?
james leans in to kiss your cheek. "i know it's terrible. you don't deserve it. i think- it's not your fault, yeah? you didn't do anything wrong. you deserve the best."
he says the last part silently like he's sad and it breaks your heart. they tried to make your day perfect, they don't deserve to end it sad. you don't deserve to sleep upset on your birthday. you look into james's eyes. "i already have the best." you say. "have you seen our boyfriends?"
you are being sweet on him. "have you seen yourself?" you say, pulling his face to kiss him. he smiles into the kiss. "i'm okay, really." you say.
"of course you are." sirius says. "in what world the birthday girl goes to bed upset?"
remus brushes a kiss on sirius's curls. they are lovely, sitting up in bed to comfort you the best they can. you need a bit time, you think. it's a hard thing to carry, feeling like you are not loved by some people you care about. it's not fair to the boys though. you are so incredibly loved by them and you feel it in your every breath. you can think about the others later. for now, you only need to show your love to your boys. the three people who deserve it the most.
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armpirate · 8 months ago
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Did I say I love you? || Jungkook
Bf experience
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pairing: idol!JK x fem!reader
w.c.: 6k
Warnings: smut, fluff, breast play, female masturbation, male masturbation, public sex, unprotected sex (Minors DNI! Refrain from reading if you're not +18, and ignore if you don't like this type of content)
Aprox. time of reading: 26 minutes
Summary: Jungkook didn't prepare that trip with the idea of confessing his feelings, but his heart spoke up before he could control it.
MASTERLIST
Boba ball: Put smthg comfy on today
Boba ball: I'll pick u up at twelve
You were quite used to the special weekend dates you two planned, it was the only thing that made you move throughout the week in a good mood, excited for Saturday ever since Monday kicked in.
Two months back, it was his way to adapt into your life when seeing you in the evenings, after you finished your shift, wasn't enough. Although most of those dates happened usually in either of your places, because even if you liked each other a lot, you knew the risks of going out in public. Maybe that was what pulled you back from actually accepting a date from him the first time he asked you out.
You knew him long before your eyes met at your company's year-end party. His aura was already powerful when you admired him through a screen, but it was completely different when he approached you first, with a nervous smile that you thought he'd never dedicate to you. You knew everything about him before you two went on a first date, but it felt like you were discovering those things for the first time as you heard them coming out of his mouth directly. You knew the superstar, and all the consequences that'd come with it. But you also knew that boy who made dumb jokes that you'd only find funny if they came from him, because his giggles had you smiling immediately after. And with that boy you were head over heels for, you completely ignored those consequences, and were ready to face them as soon as they came.
You frowned, confused when you saw his car parked in front of your building while he waited for you, with his lower back resting against the bonnet.
Jungkook smiled as soon as he saw you doing a little run to him, ready to wrap his arms around you as soon as you stood in front of him. Although you stopped yourself from doing, holding back from also linking your lips together in a small peck, followed by a new one, and a new one, until you moved your head back to look into his sparkly big eyes, when you realized you were out in the open.
"I see you're excited for today" he joked, standing straight in front of you.
"What did you prepare?" you questioned, tilting your head.
"Hmm" he pursed his lips, looking away from you, "Should I tell you or should I let you guess?".
"You won't tell me, right?" your eyes were squinted at him, knowing him for long enough to know that he probably would keep the suspense until he thought it was the proper time to reveal it.
You hopped inside the car after he opened the door for you, seeing him surround the bonnet before he joined you and gave you all those pecks he felt only safe giving you behind the tinted windows of his car.
As he drove, you tried to guess what the surprise could be, taking in consideration the fact that he was wearing comfortable baggy clothes -not that they weren't his usual style, but he also asked you to wear something similar-, and how he brought his car instead of his motorbike.
As time went by, and Jungkook kept driving on different roads you hadn't been in before, you turned to him.
"Are we going on a trip?" you asked excitedly.
"You're close" he nodded, tilting his head while he kept his eyes on the road.
That answer left you confused, trying to think what could be close to a trip, and that'd also require you to leave the city.
"We aren't going camping, are we?" you tried to take a guess, unable to hide the hope for a positive answer with your question.
His hand laid on your knee, squeezing it as he giggled to your reaction "That's exactly what we're doing".
Your legs shook on the spot, before you took off your seatbelt and kissed his cheek out of excitement. You remembered you had mentioned it a week back, while you were watching one of the episodes of the kdrama you started watching together. It wasn't something you gave a lot of importance to, just something you mentioned because it also appeared, and it reminded you of when you used to do it with friends back home. The fact that he took all that information, and turned it into a surprise made your heart squeeze in your chest.
After twenty minutes on the road, Jungkook turned his face at you, giving you a quick smile "Is it a good plan? Or maybe you'd have preferred to stay at home and get some rest?".
"Don't be silly" you squeezed his knee, trying to reassure him that you were the happiest by his idea. "This is the best plan you could've come up with".
Your words only made him smile wider, thinking the corners of his lips would leave his face at any point by how they kept stretching whenever he was around you. It was simple: you made it all better, and seeing you excited and happy only topped that full sensation on his chest that he was feeling in that moment.
He remembered the first time he saw you, and how it all clicked even before you two spoke to each other. He thought that floating sensation that people talked about was only real in movies, but then he met you. Jungkook was convinced that the moment you two made eye contact for the first time, his feet raised from the ground and made him fly exactly where you were.
It was a non-stop need since you exchanged the first words, never getting enough and extending that small talk, that was supposed to last a few minutes, to turn it into a conversation that would only end when he dropped you at home the morning after.
He didn't even think he had that many things to talk about with anyone.
"How's work been?" he asked first.
"Good. It has been a calm week, surprisingly" you scoffed, turning to him. "What about you? How was it like to go back to the routine?".
When you two met each other, Jungkook was enjoying his last few weeks of that improvised break. He had all the time he could think of, and he invested most of it in you as soon as he met you. Calls, texts, quick visits to your company, late night sneaks to take some fresh air, or chill evenings cuddling on the couch... that was what you were introduced to after you started seeing each other after only a few weeks. And right when you were close to growing a deeper connection, he was sent back to reality -almost having him regretting getting back to work.
It still worked out.
You didn't see each other as much, but it was still enough to remind you both of how bad you actually wanted to be next to the other. Even then, your minds were still linked, to the point where the smallest thing would be a reminder of your relationship, or the things the other liked or disliked, the places you could go to together, or the things you could try to eat when you saw each other in the weekend or in those secret and short night outs in the middle of the week.
Jungkook settled everything when you arrived at the place, all while you stayed to the side while waiting for him to need your help. But he'd only turn to you every two minutes to dedicate a gentle smile to you while his nose scrunched, before he turned back to the half assembled tent.
"Are you hungry?" he turned to you with a sided smile, clapping his hands when it all was already settled.
Your stomach squeezed at the mention of food. Even if you two stopped at the resting area to get something for lunch on your way to the beach, your body was already craving for something more than some snacks.
It only took him one tiny move of your head to start walking back to his car and open the truck to get a few bags out. As you looked inside, you could see some meat packages, but also some recipients that you were sure had food inside.
You sighed, aware of all the work it took him to prepare all that for you "You should've told me, I would've prepared or bought something".
Jungkook smiled at you fondly, poking his hands inside his baggy pants. He obviously had the money to buy all the food you wanted in the world, yet there you were again: making it seem like he wasn't and he'd probably go bankrupt after buying a packet of pork belly. Maybe that was what he liked the most about you. It was always with small gestures like the one you just had, with the way you never, in those two months you had been seeing each other, made him feel out of place. You gave him a safe corner, where he was allowed to be himself, to be seen as much more than just the idol.
"If I had told you, there would have been no surprise".
You puckered your lips while smiling, thinking that he definitely had a point with that, but still feeling a bit guilty.
"Don't look at me that way" he chuckled. "I'll let you cook if you want".
"Okay. Deal".
Your upset expression quickly turned into a playful smile as you reached for the camping gas box he had brought along with the bags. Although it'd quickly disappear in a frown when you tried to understand how to get that thing to work.
You looked up to him with a naughty smile, pointing to the pan "Can you do one last thing for me?".
"Five thousand wons" Jungkook answered with a serious expression, offering his hand to you. Your smile dropped at that, feeling your eyebrows slowly turning into a straight line while you looked at him "Or, a kiss".
"Okay" you giggle, motioning him to get that thing started.
It probably was more simple than what you thought if you had only paid attention to it, but your focus was on the way the tip of his tongue peeked through his lips and moved his piercing to care about how Jungkook got that thing to work.
"Done" he sighed, catching you red handed staring at him. "What will you do if it stops working?".
"I'll ask you to turn it on again" you shrugged.
Snorting before he giggled, he bent over you to go for that peck he earned, aiming to go for a second one before you moved your head back.
He was so good at distracting you. And he knew.
As you fought to open the meat package, he saw some of your hair locks falling over your face, turning into something that could bother you to cook -at least until he took his beanie off, putting it on you so your hair wouldn't be getting in your eyes and face.
While you cooked, you could feel Jungkook's eyes on you. It was nothing new from him, but they had a special spark that day. You could feel there was something different in the way he looked at you, but you couldn't quite tell what. You just knew it made you nervous, ending up feeding him every few pieces that were cooked to try to divert his attention from you. But it only had you giggling at him while he chewed on the hot food, exhaling some air while he tried to cool it down in his mouth. And Jungkook wouldn't take long to do the same for you, taking his chopsticks before blowing on the piece so it would be at the right temperature when he offered it to you.
Just like you cooked, Jungkook offered to clean all of the things that were used, singing random verses with his honeyed voice while you just stared at him the same way he looked at you before, unable to believe everything was indeed real, and that special human being allowed you to take a spot in his most genuine and intimate side, which wasn't too far from what Jungkook kept thinking about whenever his eyes laid on you. You fitted together perfectly like puzzle pieces, and you made him feel complete, aware of how there was something missing when he thought he had everything he needed.
Right when you thought he'd sit still and finally join you to enjoy the chilly weather and the beautiful sight, you saw him walking back to his car with the bags, and returning to you with a small bottle and something that seemed like a tiny canva.
Of course his creativity wouldn't relax, not even in that short getaway.
"What's this for?" you took the canva from his hand.
"I'll explain it to you there. Let's go".
Jungkook held your hand tight as you walked into the beach, leaving behind the grassy space you had settled your camping on. You'd have expected anything, but not that he actually wanted to create a memory out of that weekend with you.
It was special, meaningful... and it also meant that he probably saw your relationship as something that could be long-term even if you had been only two months into your relationship.
"Let's put some glue on your hand" he started, holding your wrist to keep your hand stable as he traced a line on each one of your fingers and some circles to mark your palm, "and stick it on the canvas".
"You saw this on TikTok, didn't you?" you teased him, with Jungkook answering shortly with a proud nod.
You knew because you had also seen that video of a couple doing exactly what you were doing.
"It reminded me of you" he confessed with a soft tone. "That's why I picked this place".
You smiled as you followed his guidance, pressing your hand to later help him pour some sand over it. When it was his turn, you tried to make sure you poured the white glue the same way he did, marking the main lines of his big hand before he placed it next to yours.
Jungkook lifted it up with his clean hand once it was done, showing it to you proudly. That was it, apart from all the videos and pictures, that was your first memory together.
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Sitting next to each other, you two looked up at the starry sky, while covered with a warm blanket Jungkook just happened to have in his car -and that thankfully he carried with him. Your hands were sneaked under it, intertwining your fingers close, while his thumb traced some nonsensical lines that made your head feel at ease.
"Thank you for today" you whispered, only moving from looking at the stars in the sky to looking at the universe reflected in his eyes.
"Thank you for every day you've spent with me" he answered back, dedicating one of the sweetest smiles you had ever seen on him.
The burning sensation on your cheeks didn't take long to show up, forcing you to move your eyes away to look back at the sky as you fought to control the wide smile that was attempting to appear across your face.
"Hmm, what wish would you make if you saw a shooting star?" you quickly tried to switch the topic.
At first, you thought it'd be a way to change his focus from you to get it back on the sky over you, but it only made his gaze feel heavier on you.
What wish could he make?
He already had everything he wanted and needed, but he still tried to find the answer to your question, going through all the aspects in his life, covering up every corner, and all of a sudden every wish had something related to you. Jungkook didn't want that to end, that was his wish. He wanted to be with you, and he felt the sudden need to know you also felt the same way.
His heart pumped against his chest harder when those thoughts started crossing his mind, trying to order them all in his head to find the best way to say them out loud and getting them to make sense so you could understand.
"That the girl I love says she loves me back".
When you first heard him, you thought that maybe your Korean failed at some point. Could be you misunderstood a word, could be you misplaced the sentence in your head as you translated it. But it didn't seem like it when you looked back at him, finding his doe eyes bigger than usual, filled with that spark you had seen a few times throughout that day.
"I love you" he pronounced each word with the softest voice, holding your hand a bit tighter as he said them. "I know it might be too early, and maybe I'm rushing it, but I really love you. I want to be with you, and have these dates for a long long time. But I also want to be there for you when you need me, and look after you when you feel weak, I...".
"I love you, too".
You couldn't contemplate a universe where you didn't tell Jungkook you wanted exactly everything he wanted. Getting to know him during that time, actually spending quality time with him as you witnessed each and every single one of his facets made all those feelings that you had for him intensify every time your lips touched.
Hell, even your body felt lighter when he only pronounced your name.
His lips felt soft in contrast with the rough metal of his two lip rings when you linked your lips together, sucking on his lower lip before you moved to suck on the top one.
You just wanted everything from him.
"Come here, babe" he whispered, breaking the kiss.
"That chair won't handle our weight" your giggle built a few centimeters of distance as your head moved back.
"It will. Come here" he assured you, letting go of your hand to move the blanket away on his side.
How were you supposed to ignore those big brown eyes when he asked for cuddles?
You held onto the warm cup filled with hot chocolate he made sure to prepare on the camping gas before you could get all cozy.
"Can you say it again this close?" Jungkook asked once you were covered by the blanket while sitting on his lap.
A scoff left your lips at his question, knowing by the look he was giving you that he wanted it to be the second of so many other times hearing those words coming from you.
"I love you" you whispered, kissing his cheek.
"That won't work" his head shook while his lips were pressed together in disappointment. "You can't say those words and kiss me on the cheek. Repeat that, please".
"I love your annoying ass" you repeated, kissing the corner of his lips.
"Wrong sentence, and wrong place again. I can do this all night" he assured you.
His sassy tone made you giggle, trapping your lower lip between your teeth before you spoke again: "I love you".
Jungkook moved his head first, capturing your lips before you could totally lean over to him. It started sweet and gentle, but both of your mouths opened a little wider with every move you made, knowing it probably would be only the beginning of a whole make out session that could last for hours if you wanted to.
Except for the chair underneath you.
You only felt your body losing stability, and a loud gasp announcing the soon landing on the ground before you were actually aware of what happened.
Your cackles could probably be heard from meters away once you both made sure the other was okay, except for the hot chocolate messing up your oversized sweater and staining a bit of Jungkook's hoodie -although it was barely noticeable through the black fabric.
He got up first to help you stand up, holding your hands tight to make sure you wouldn't trip in the process.
"Look at your clothes" his concerned face made you giggle, thinking that he was more worried about it than you. "Change it and wear this".
Your mouth went dry when he took his hoodie off by pulling the neck up, making the white t-shirt he was wearing underneath rise with the fabric and expose his well-marked abs. You could feel your hormones start boiling up with that slight exposure of skin, feeling like you were back in your teenage years when the smallest thing was instantly connected to sex.
It was his power though.
Ever since you started dating, and even if you two tried to assure a normal date, the desire and hunger you felt for each other was always bigger than your willpower. Neither of you ever got enough of it. And that night would be no exemption.
"Babe, what are you thinking about?" he scoffed, looking at your blank expression as you held his hoodie tight in your hands.
But he already knew what was going on through your head. He could easily recognize the way your eyes darkened with some thoughts, and how you instinctively bit your lower lip to suppress them.
"Nothing" you shook your head, trying to get back to reality.
But it was too late to escape your ideas, because Jungkook already had a glimpse of them.
"Let me help you take off your sweater" his eyebrow raised with pettiness, stepping closer to you.
He blew into his hands, rubbing them together to warm them up before he started lifting your sweater slowly, making your body squirm lightly when the reverse of his fingers touched your stomach for the first time. The smirk told you everything you needed to know in that moment: he was going to help you give in to those filthy thoughts that flashed through your mind at the speed of light.
His nose rubbed against yours softly, almost getting your lips to touch as his hand moved dangerously close to your bra.
And you were already lost in him and his touch. With your boyfriend not having to do much more than just move his finger through your torso to have your knees almost shaking, eager for the kiss that would get you to lose your balance.
Before Jungkook could kiss you to let all his intentions be known, you moved your head back while a palm stopped him by his chest.
"Someone could see us" you giggled nervously.
"There's no one around. No one will see us. Don't worry" he assured you with a honeyed tone, rubbing right below the arch of your bra.
You both had tried to be careful with your relationship since the beginning. Barely going out -or showing no affection in public when you did, acting like strangers-, unable to act like a normal couple because the weight of his image was always heavier than your relationship. That, now that you were alone in the middle of nowhere, just lighted up by the fire he started, had you paranoid of someone popping up out of nowhere.
Jungkook was relaxed about it though.
Two of his fingers hooked on your chin, linking your lips together on a sweet kiss that would wash all those worries away, knowing a little bit too well how to get you to focus on him only.
Not even his smile kept you from moving along when your arms wrapped around his shoulders, sinking your fingers in the strand of his short locks as you tried to deepen the kiss. You could feel his mouth opening a bit wider when the tip of your tongue played with his lip rings, asking permission to get through. A gasp was shut down and drank by him when the hand on your torso moved down it until it reached your ass, squeezing one of your cheeks to pull you closer to his body and allowing you to feel the way his bulge started to grow against your lower belly. His hand moved a bit lower, digging in the link between your legs to steal a moan from you, when his fingers teased your pussy over your sweatpants.
You broke the kiss first, pulling from his lower lip, sucking on it, until it freed from your grip with a loud pop sound. Your open-mouthed kisses through his throat and neck, giving attention to every single mole in it, were also in sync with your silky and cold fingertips digging down his t-shirt, hearing Jungkook's groan above you by the contrast with his warm skin. You could feel the way his muscles contracted as you traced down your fingers over them, pulling playfully by the earrings on his left ear to get him to squirm and giggle because of it.
Your clit throbbed when his fingers digged over your clothed pussy "You aren't naked yet, and I can already tell how wet you are" his raspy voice teased you, while his fingers traced circles over your entrance.
"I haven't touched you directly, and I can tell how happy you're to see me by just doing this" you grinded your pelvis against his, feeling how hard and big he already was. "You're in no position to tease me about that".
"Get inside the tent".
You obeyed, taking your shoes off before you crawled inside the tent he settled earlier that afternoon. Before Jungkook could join you and tell you to get naked, most of your clothes were already gone, only having your underwear left. And when he joined you, he was also dressed with only his boxers, kicking his pants inside the text to crawl inside and close the zip.
It didn't take him long to kiss you again, with hunger and neediness, that you easily recognized because it was the way he kissed you whenever you were in that situation, moving his lips dominantly over yours while his tongue fought against yours.
The straps on your shoulders felt loose when he moved his hand through your back, moving the fabric away until it was blocked by your elbows on the flood, although it was just enough to expose your tits.
His tongue moved around your stiff button, almost as if he was preparing you for the moment he moved his flat tongue over it, sending an instant electricity through your spine. While one hand held your back, covering most of it, to keep you arched, his other hand reached to your mouth, moving his thumb in between your lips for you to suck it. He felt every rugosity as it got harder against his muscle, with his dick twitching in his boxers by the way you sucked on his finger.
"You're so beautiful, love" he admitted with a raspy voice, giving a peck in the middle of your breasts. "And you taste so good, too...".
Those last words were almost muffled with his lips enclosing around your nipple, moving his thumb away from your mouth so he could move it around the other one, just like he would have with his tongue, just to later pinch it at the same time his teeth bit on the other to get a loud gasp from you.
Suddenly the straps of your bra were a bother, keeping you stranded from touching him until you took it off completely. Your fingers sank in his hair again, making sure he wouldn't move away from that spot, while your other hand moved back his wide back with a soft caress that almost made him go insane.
Jungkook was too focused on the way you tasted, on the sounds you made, and the way your body squirmed under his, to notice the moment your hand moved to the front and digged in his boxers until your fingers wrapped around him.
The chilly air made you hum when he moved your panties aside, sliding two fingers through your slit until he found your entrance. He slid them into you slowly, until they were knuckles deep into your pussy. The steady in an out pace made your heart a little bit faster, and your mind clouded a little bit more, driving you crazy when he added a thumb on your clit, to tease you back by the way your fingers wrapped a little bit tighter around him whenever they reached his tip.
His fingers curled inside of you, tempting a spot that almost turned your spine into hot tar as he moved them up and down against that sensitive spongy spot, with your legs trembling the longer he went on it.
"Kook..." you tried to warn him.
"I know, babe. Cum on my fingers".
He said those words while his chin rested on your chest, admiring your face as he helped you be teared apart. Jungkook loved seeing how those lovely and innocent eyes went all lustful and dark when he did those things to you. He loved knowing he was the only one who could see you that way.
Your fingertips digged on his scalp, and your fingers set him free as your wrist twisted with the pleasure that ran over you, and took control over your body, when Jungkook awarded you with an orgasm.
You took a few seconds to get back at yourself, looking down at him with hooded eyes and a pleased smile, before you pulled him again for a kiss.
Your bodies moved almost at the same time, reading through each other as you sat on your knees to get rid of the remaining pieces of clothing to be fully naked.
Jungkook dragged you with him, sitting with his legs crossed, while his hands guided you to wrap yours around his body.
"Wait, the condom..." you reminded him, breaking the kiss.
"Fuck, I didn't bring any" he whined, throwing his head back.
"I didn't either" you puckered your lips, holding onto his shoulders. "It's alright" you shrugged, moving your hands up to his neck ", I'm on the pill".
"Alright" he purred, giving small kisses that never fully ended up with him sucking your lower lip.
One of his hands never left your body, always making sure you knew he was there for you, while the other lined himself up to your entrance.
You both moaned in sync when you helped him, lowering your hips slowly to take him in inch by inch, feeling him stretch you out and getting used to him while your walls wrapped around him perfectly.
One hand was supported on his thigh, while the other found some support around his shoulder and neck, finding the perfect stability to start moving the best you could in that position. He dedicated you one sweet smile before you felt attracted to his lips, feeling the need to kiss him even if it'd be interrupted every few seconds by your gasps and moans, or your sudden need to get more air.
"Are you comfortable like this?" he tried to make sure, rubbing his palm on your flexed thigh.
"Uh-hum" you nodded, too concentrated on the way his cock felt every time you dug it back in after lowering your hips.
"You're such a goddess" he caressed your cheek.
Jungkook was the type to do dirty talk whenever you had sex. He loved the blush on your cheeks, or your fucked out face whenever he said something that'd have you slapping his face in any other context. But he also loved showering you with love and praises when the mood asked for it. And that night he only wanted to worship your body, stare at you as you took him in and admire the way your lips parted whenever his tip rubbed over the right spot every few thrusts.
When you opened your eyes, you found him staring at you with that particular look he had given you many times before, making you smile almost instantly. You wrapped your arms around him, gluing your torsos together as you worked on him.
"I love you" he whispered against your lips, moving your locks away from your face. "I'm so in love with you" he repeated, almost as if he indeed wanted to leave it clear for you.
Your answer was interrupted by a sudden moan, before you tried to speak again "I love you, too" you let him know with a high-pitched voice, resting your forehead on his.
Your fingers dented on each other's skin, tried to get ready for the new wave of pleasure as your pulse started racing up and your breaths got heavier and more difficult with every move. There was desperation in his eyes as you looked into them, knowing your eyes were probably reflecting the right same thing with every move you made. His needy short moans almost made you lose yourself, delighting yourself with those sounds and knowing that was one of the few things you'd want to keep hearing for the rest of your life.
Both of your moans turned messier and cracked, while your fast and determined moves turned into arrhythmic and sloppy as all the hairs in your body raised with the new orgasm. And even though you could feel his cock twitching inside of you, spilling his seed, Jungkook held you close and tight, caressing you through the last few and slower moves until you stayed completely still on top of him.
The only things that could be heard in the tent were your shaky breaths, and the fabric of the bed beneath you wrinkling as Jungkook adopted a more relaxed position for his legs.
"Did I already say that I love you?" Jungkook inquired, looking up at you.
You didn't answer with words, but you did answer with a happy giggle and an intimate peck that quickly evolved into a deeper kiss.
The next afternoon, after eating lunch early on the beach, he drove you back home. Jungkook's hand rested on your thigh, while the other kept the wheel controlled, dedicating you a few looks every few minutes just to get to see you smile again.
"Are you sure you don't want to spend the night?" you asked, after Jungkook parked his car in front of your building.
"I'd love to" he assured you. "But I have a schedule tomorrow, and I don't want to wake you up earlier than needed. I'll send you a text when you wake up".
He always did.
Jungkook learned your habits the more time he spent with you. So even if he woke up earlier and you weren't together, his good morning message always showed up on your screen at the same time your alarm blasted to interrupt your sleep.
"Don't stay up too late" you asked him.
Although Jungkook gave you an accusing look, reminding you you were always the reason he stayed up later than what he planned first.
"I won't answer your tests after nine. This time I mean it" the threat you just threw at him was probably the biggest lie you had ever told him.
"You will, unless you want me to show up here five minutes later".
And he'd certainly be able to.
"You're so annoying" you scoffed, shaking your head.
"But you love me anyway".
Jungkook had been dying to say that sentence and for it to be true for a long few weeks already. And the fact that he was already able to say it with certainty that it was true made him proud, and you could tell by the way his voice sounded cheerful as he said it.
"I do. That's why I'm telling you to rest well" you repeated.
"I'll try my best" Jungkook assured you.
"Send me a text when you get home" you softly said, leaning over to kiss him.
"I will" Jungkook always did, but you liked reminding him.
After giving him one last peck, you got out of the car and walked to your house. Not without turning to him a few times to wave goodbye at him and manage to see his smile one last time before you close the door to your building behind you. 
Taglist: @ttanniett
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catcze · 1 year ago
Text
⠀「 Wearing his clothes 」 
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Reblogs are greatly appreciated !!
「 FEAT : 」 Kazuha, Wriothesley, Neuvillette, Kaveh (separate) x gn! reader
!! Hello !! Haven't even had a shot of tequila for the night yet but I'm already writing, look at me go !!
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[ #KAZUHA ]
This guy has the absolute comfiest sweaters and hoodies!!
They're the ones that are warm and soft from use, and that you know he's cared for over the years. They're also so good because they smell like him, too! Smells like sunshine and a light breeze, if that makes sense?
Kazuha's hoodies and sweaters are practically free range for you— at this point, half of the cozy clothes in your closet have been pilfered from him!
And he always encourages you to steal from him, too!
It's a cold day out today? Here, have his hoodie. No, don't worry about returning it. Just keep it over at yours and he'll pick it up sometime. (spoiler: he does not, in fact, pick it up)
Oh, he left his sweater behind at your place while you were hanging out? It's okay, just keep it for now.
But really, he does enjoy seeing you in his clothes! Like, for one, it's you wearing his cozy clothes, so he's insanely attracted to you when he sees that. And for another, it makes him happy seeing you all cozy and bundled up, you know?
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[ #WRIOTHESLEY ]
For Wrio, his leather jackets and black button ups are the premiere option to snatch from him.
His jackets are insanely comfy! His leather jackets always keep you warm, and the way it drapes over you and smells like his cologne makes it kinda feel like he's giving you a hug :(
And as for his button ups, he buys the high quality ones, you know? None of those itchy ones that chafe or anything. His button ups are so good to wear, whether you button them up and use them as an actual shirt, or just wear them as an outer layer over another shirt.
Funny thing is though, though Wriothesley doesn't really care about which of his button ups you snatch, he's very particular when it comes to his jackets.
Like, he'll let you borrow them of course, and if you're on a date and you get cold, he'll drape it on your shoulders and let you wear it while he walks you home. He even lets you steal a few right out of his closet and scurry them over to your home, pretending that he doesn't see that your bag is noticeably bigger than when you came over.
But sometimes, you'll get a call from him late at night— "Babe, is my jacket with you?" "Which one?" He then names one of the many, many jackets you've stolen. "Oh. Yeah iIthink I have that with me." "Can I come over and get it? I want to use it when I go for a drive tonight." "At this hour?"
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[ #NEUVILLETTE ]
Oh, Neuvillette's coats are to die for!
They're the good ones, the designer ones. My guy doesn't shop in the discount aisle— no, he's bougie.
His coats are incredibly cozy and stylish without being too bulky or heavy. They're big, though! Neuvillette is a big, tall guy, and his coats are the same.
It's almost like drowning in an ocean of (expensive) fabric when you steal borrow his coats. But you do it so often because they're so so so warm and cozy!
You always snatch some of his coats if you can— and Neuvi never voices any complaints. He just smiles, and sometimes even makes playful jokes about you going shopping in his closet.
It's to the point that whenever the weather's cold and he comes to pick you up, he brings a spare coat just for you.
He does the thing where he puts it on you, straightens it out, fixes your collar, makes sure you look presentable and nods to himself when he deems that you are— then ends it all with a kiss placed on your nose.
"That's your rental fee for all my clothes you've scurried away," apparently.
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[ #KAVEH ]
HIS SWEATERS !!! They are sooo comfy !!
Kaveh buys his sweaters oversized and the kind that gives him sweater paws— those are the ones that you always go for when given free reign of his closet.
Can you help it?! They're oversized sweaters with sweater paws! And they smell like your boyfriend! And they're incredibly comfortable !
It's especially cute when you both go out in his sweaters— both of you look so cozy and warm, wrapped up in your big sweaters, holding sweater paws.
He probably spritzes his clothes with whatever perfume or cologne catches his fancy that week, so that you smell similar to him when you go out.
And! If one of the sweaters has one of those kangaroo pouch things, you guys hold hands inside the kangaroo pouch, so your hands stay nice and warm <3
He's such a cutie about it too. Kaveh always grins sooo wide when he sees you wearing his sweaters. Makes sure to hug you lots too, because you look insanely huggable like that.
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