#jokes and japes <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[tenasorimura]

oh my blood tastes like bile? oh nooo my humours are off youre gonna have to suck the melancholy out of me and get an acquired taste for it or something idk

(crossposting from bsky, also the first pic is def still a wip but im in no good position to attempt finishing it rn)

[adamsvanrhijn]

[suppenzeit]

skwisgaar is evil not only because hes a swede but also he has his bed in the center of the room.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I am convinced you didn't read the very first line of this post<3

I'm sorry I understand the issue is more complex than this but Namor is literally like 'my people have lived in a peaceful utopia for centuries. but I feel like starting a war with every other nation on earth<3' like bestie. What.

[nomsfaultau]

out of context plot points in Mandatory Family Reunion

Most of these are from gags from my fic. But others are horrific events completely reframed. Good luck guessing which is which !

A Dr. Pepper ruins Techno’s life

Tommy gets grounded for trying to shoot Philza

Techno has an AA meeting with his kidnappers

“Fun life advice with Techno: Turns out it’s not hard to fake cry when you’re constantly trying not to sob! Neat. Probably super applicable for normal people too.”

A black ops raid is sent to deliver Christmas presents

Tommy carries onions in his pockets so he can fake cry on command. This is funny until it isn't

On the other hand, that isn't modeling clay in Wilbur's pockets

Techno’s parents always have his back!

“It’s just the anxiety. I feel like I would’ve seen the achievement pop up if I got PTSD.”

Philza gets a rabies shot because of Techno

“But if [Philza's] years of running a criminal empire have taught him anything, all it takes is a can-do attitude and unfathomable wealth.”

Officer Jenny commits police brutality

It's always a bad sign when you can hear your parents giving you advice

Philza straight up drinks poison but is alright (unlike Skeppy)

Squidkid loses hide and seek with Wilbur bc he’s a dirty cheater

Techno’s hair is burnt off but, like, it’s not a big deal

If you can't replace your son's abusive parents yourself, store bought is fine. (Philza actively gets more scared when it works)

It's not a coma if you're in enough denial about it!

“[Tommy] hands over a real security ID. Sure enough, the middle name actually is Danger. Sam has very interesting parents, and a long and fascinating backstory that will never be mentioned again.”

Quackity implies Edgeworth x Wright is cannon

Techno hits rock bottom in an elevator. actually 3 people in the fic have elevator trauma. Maybe the real Mandatory Family Reunion was the elevator trauma we made along the way.

“Skeppy, I think the dog has ulterior motives.”

GPS failure nearly costs a court case

Techno helps run a criminal empire for like 2 weeks. But not that criminal empire.

“They were like a family to me” and “I love you” and “For you? The world, Phil” are the most devestating lines techno says

Yes. This story is definitely pure crack. No angst here no siree! It's all jokes and japes galore. Ignore the sobbing.

[ssruis]

Every1 saying ena will be transphobic & making funny jokes and japes about her slinging slurs will start coughing in 3 days

[adalrikr]

"So your friend stole them then. Sounds simple enough." Erk still doesn't bother looking up, more engrossed in the book clumsily hidden (not hidden at all, really) underneath the stand. The judge casts him an odd glance, but Erk decidely ignores it. He doesn't care how he's percieved in this farce of a courtroom, he just wants to get this over and done with.

"Unless you're lying about even having a friend in the first place." Erk glances over at the defendant for a mere brief moment, taking note of how nervous he looked. Was that simply a matter of being put on edge by being on trial or was that his default state? If it was his default state, then Erk couldn't see him having the courage to even make a single friend, let alone accept a random box of tea from said "friend" without inspecting it throughly beforehand.

"What's your "friend's" name? Would it be possible to have her testify?" Erk asks, tapping his foot idly against the ground as he multitasked between the world's most uninteresting session of court and the much more interesting book in his hand, "After all, if she's the one who brought you the bag with the herbs, then she might know something you don't. I suggest calling her in at once, if that is alright with the defense."

um. actually-

“Court is now in session! …” | Anniversary Mission Board | Authority +1

[bannock-freak]

fanfic where kuboyasu punches saiki's dad after he pulls the 'haha if i was my kid's age i'd punch him so much' line again then saikis dad is all 'it was just a joke D:' and kuboyasu was all 'lol so was me hitting you just jokes dude japes :3'

[raccoonhusband]

Theory: Bill Cipher probably ate his Parallel Dimension Twin

Or should I have done an Earl of Lemongrab meme? Okay, jokes and japes aside I feel this has some real merit behind it, that I'll leave under the cut.

---

There's a lot of good ideas going around with how exactly Bill destroyed his dimension, but my personal pet theory is that he made contact with his parallel universe twin. Specifically, he consumed him. The evidence of what can happen when parallel universe copies make contact with each other is described in journal 3 by Alternate McGucket:

"As soon as they touched hands, the entire dimension began to warp and fizz with static ... In fact, that whole dimension has ceased to exist."

Time and time again, Bill is associated with static. In his "blood", attempts by the government to vivisect him, his memories of the event, his therapy notes, and depictions of his parents.

We know his goal with what ended up becoming the Euclydian Massacre was to "show everyone what they were missing," and it was enough to destabilize and destroy everything.

How'd he pull it off? I'm thinking he built a dimensional portal of his own, but honestly in this show anthyding can hadplen. It would definitely explain where the portal idea came from in the first place.

But why do I think he consumed his twin? It's all these very suspicious comments he keeps making to Ford specifically...

"How about that; you've got an inferior clone! Why didn't you just eat him in the womb? Think of how powerful you'd be!" "You can't just eat your twin, Bill." "You'd be surprised what you can eat."

And in the microscopically rare moment of honesty where he admits to himself that he's a monster, even if Ford isn't aware Bill's talking about himself yet, he follows up Ford's offer for revenge with, "It would eat you alive." You'd be surprised what you can eat.

And it's not like he hasn't consumed others after, as the page in the Book of Bill on the topic of Human skin, there's a desperate note at the bottom from a Grembley Hemberdrek of Zimtrex 9, who Bill devoured trillions of years ago and who's soul has been trapped inside forever after, tortured with "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch on an endless loop. Who's to say his parallel twin isn't in there too?

It's very possible that his ultimate goal, aside from getting revenge, opening his world's eyes to the third dimension, and the sweet sweet high of proving everyone wrong was ultimately to find a better world, consume his "inferior twin" and take over his identity in his dimension. Thematically, it would also cement his status as Stanley's dark foil, who also took over and stole his twin's identity leading to a better life, albeit for much nobler reasons.

Additionally, on top of the practical reasons for taking over Earth, choosing Ford had that bonus that he wouldn't be alone by molding Ford in his image. It's why he kept giving him so many chances to join him. By setting him up to destroy his world, betray his twin, and become monsters together, he'd finally have a companion who's exactly like him. Only fitting for the Multiverse's ultimate narcissist, isn't it?

Anyway, if you read this far, thanks! This is only a theory and tbh I'm probably going to be proven wrong in time but hey!

[stargareed]

Do You Speak GRRMan?

While GRRM naturally writes in American English, he's been slowly increasing his use of GRRMan (which is based on British and older forms of English, as well as shit he simply made up) during asoiaf so that, by AFFC and ADWD, one must at least be conversant in the language to understand the plot. Indeed, some of his most famous GRRMan-isms didn't come about until later in the series.

"Nuncle" (as opposed to "Uncle") - 35 times in asoiaf, the first in AFFC

"Six-and-ten" (as opposed to "Sixteen") - 11 times, the first in AFFC (though that system of numbering appears at least as early as ACOK)

"Nipples on a breastplate" - 3 times, the first in AFFC

"Near enough to make no matter" - 5 times, the first in AFFC

"Hour of the wolf" - 8 times, the first in AFFC (the other named hours, like bat, eel, owl, nightingale, etc., also begin in AFFC or later)

"Cyvasse" - 45 times, the first in AFFC

"Words are wind" - 21 times, the first in ASOS

"Kissed by fire" - 15 times, the first in ASOS

"Pray tell" - 5 times, the first in ASOS

"Arse" (as opposed to "Ass") - 75 times, the first in ACOK

"Much and more" - 45 times, the first in ACOK

“Moonblood” - 8 times, the first in ACOK

“Flowered” - 17 times, the first in ACOK

"Bugger" - 54 times, the first in ACOK

"Mayhaps" (as opposed to "Maybe" or "Perhaps") - 54 times, the first in AGOT

"Jape" (as opposed to "Joke") - 101 times, the first in AGOT

"Moons" (as opposed to "Months") - 55 times, the first in AGOT

"Make water" (as opposed to "Piss" or "Pee") - 6 times, the first in AGOT

"Must needs" - 50 times, the first in AGOT

"Man grown" - 43 times, the first in AGOT

"Mummer's farce" - 21 times, the first in AGOT

"Half a hundred" - 71 times, the first in AGOT

"Sweetling" - 95 times, the first in AGOT

"Queer" (i.e., "strange") - 178 times, the first in AGOT

"Half a heartbeat" - 70 times, the first in AGOT

"Gaoler" (as opposed to "Jailer") - 61 times, the first in AGOT

"The Others Take ___" - 29 times, the first in AGOT

"Dark wings, dark words" - 14 times, the first in AGOT

"Wroth" - 50 times, the first in AGOT

"Nonce" - 13 times, the first in AGOT

"Seven Hells" - 53 times, the first in AGOT

"In his cups" - 15 times, the first in AGOT

"Summer child" - 3 times, the first in AGOT

"Gods be good" - 57 times, the first in AGOT

"Smallclothes" - 58 times, the first in AGOT

"Break __ fast" -- around 20-30 times, the first in AGOT

"Name day" - 59 times, the first in AGOT

"By the old gods and the new" - 6 times, the first in AGOT

"Craven" - 134 times, the first in AGOT

"Bend the knee" - 34 times, the first in AGOT

Have/had/has "the right of it" - 16 times, the first in AGOT

"Make mock" or "making mock" - 9 times, the first in AGOT

[shortfictionweeklychallenge]

Ten Years Ago Today

A decade of prompts from Short Fiction Weekly Challenge.

Week of April 3, 2015

Japes, Satire, and Parody: Beings of every kind tell jokes, often about each other.  What about your character?  Do they delight in mocking those who desperately deserve it?  Maybe they’ve been the butt of someone else’s spoof.  Or perhaps they just enjoy seeing authority taken down a few pegs.  This week, have a little fun at the expense of your character, their friends, or enemies.

[homestuckredo]

WE ARE OUTSIDE THE ROOM! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT WE ARE OUTSIDE THE ROOM!!

IT'S- ..... Well it's outside the room and that is what I wanted most. Who cares that the Architect who design their home was probably murdered in their sleep. OR maybe he fell down those stairs. The clowns are a nice touch tho. Sorry, Harlequins. I know not everyone enjoys the comedic prowess of the Masters of Jape and Jest, but I was that weird kid who rented clowns for birthdays, and wanted to go to clown school, so me and dad would probably get along lol.

We get some really, profoundly beautiful verbiage this update. "As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays." "The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." is not Mark Twain for the record. John when is the last time you did your English homework? (This is a JOKE. The fact he remembers the entire quote is terrifying. i could never.) Anyways it's from Timon of Athens, by Shakespeare. But the whole bit is absolutely beautiful and a better narration than what we've seen so far. Especially compared to the Gamebro review. Hussie has range apparently.

Apparently he and Dad also has the plan to give John some really unhealthy relationships with food. 3 cakes??? and another in the oven??? This is a recipe for some really painful medical experiences. Maybe even diabetes. Metawise tho, it would be really cool representation to have a diabetic MC. Also I called it. GameBro is soggy af. No burn.

OMG WE HAVE NEW CHARACTER ART!! I don't care that she's dead. SHE'S A NEW ART TOPIC. *cries in illustration* Nana gonna have ART. Also at least dad seems the supportive type, even if he's a crap dad, that's a point towards growth and rebuilding the relationship. The doll would join bro in the fire tho. I hate dolls.

[from-stars-to-shadows]

Omg if you do play UT again, you should definitely liveblog or share your favorite shenanigans :3 I'd love to hear about it! (-dragonsmooch)

I think I might! I'm unsure which route I want to go through- Do I want pain and suffering or fun japes and jokes!?

[sparkarrestor]

Traintober Day 8: Squawk Shock

Written By: SparkArrester

Bill & Ben were feeling put-upon. A large order of china clay had caused them to be put in overtime, and the worst part of it was that they couldn't pull any jokes, japes, or good natured tomfoolery in days! Their manager tried to keep them calm and entertained, but as time went on, the urge for mischief grew in the twins.

“It’s terrible Bill!” Began Ben one night, “It took every pound of metal in my body not to reverse under the hoppers!”

‘I know!” Comforted Bill, “Life’s been so boring these past few weeks! It's a good thing there’s only a week or two of hard work for us! I’ve got a bucket-list of good stress relievers…”

“But Bill! I don’t think I can wait much longer! I have to do something!”

“...yeah, I definitely cannot wait anymore. We’re going down to Brendam tomorrow, but that begs the question: who shall be the victim…?”

The twins smiled deviously as they went over their targets. But as they went down the list, those smiles dissipated faster than a wisp of smoke. Timothy would be too easy, Marion would be oblivious to anything and everything, Cranky was low-hanging fruit, and BoCo would probably murder them. That left only one possible candidate without heading to the main-line.

“Are you sure Bill?

“Positive.”

“But when was the last time we got him?”

“The day we arrived.”

“That was 3 decades ago!”

“All the more reason to get him!”

The twins simply couldn’t fall asleep after that, and they stayed up all night, planning on a way to get Edward the Blue Engine.

The next morning, Edward was sizzling happily at the harbor station. He was just about to come off of his train and get to the sheds when, creaking and groaning, a line of trucks came crawling past him, with no engine to move them! Timothy, who was on the other line, yelped and banged into some wagons, but Edward just laughed.

“It’s been a while, you two! I can see you’re bringing your A-Game into this!”

Bill and Ben came out of their hiding place and snorted.

“Us, play tricks on you? Don’t be silly Edward.”

Of course, the expression on Ben’s face and the deadpan delivery betrayed everything.

“Come on you two, you’ll get a rest in a week or two! Surely you can wait that long!”

“No. No we can’t”

“So all bets are off then?”

“Yes. Yes they are.”

Edward just smiled.

“Ah well. Good luck to you two!”

“Thanks Edward!”

“Ben, shush!” 

The twins tried all sorts of tricks. They tried adding more wagon’s to Edward’s trains. They tried hiding themselves on his trains with their brakes hard on. They even tried making him a middle engine! But nothing seemed to work. Worse still, each of their schemes took a while to prepare with their workload, so half the time, Edward could guess what they were doing anyways. The twins weren’t the only ones on edge however. Edward was beginning to get tired of always being on guard for any of the twin’s tricks. It got to the point of affecting his work.

“You should stand your ground Edward.” said BoCo a few days later, “Or else it will never end!”

“I know BoCo… but”

“But nothing! I get that the twins need to let out some stress, believe me I’ve gone giddy seeing them scurry round, but boundaries must be set!”

As the two engines were discussing, another pair of engines were also scheming in the night.

“Should we do it?”

“Why not Ben?”

“It seems unfair to weaponize his weakness” “And your point is…?

“...Nevermind. But what about the clay pits? We left the work-half finished!”

“Eh, we can do it later! Now let's get some sleep!”

The next day, Edward was once again at the harbor station as he heard the whistles of Bill and Ben. He sighed and prepared for any tricks, but he was surprised to see something else.

“You two, what on earth are you doing?!”

Bill and Ben were not only pushing the train, but the train was unbraked with no brake-van and dangerously out-of-date stock. It seemed like they were desperate enough to just want a reaction. In that department, they certainly succeeded. But they were heading for trouble. With the trucks in front, they couldn’t see BoCo on their line!

“Watch out!” Shrieked Edward in an uncharacteristically shrill voice.

But it was too late, as both trains collided with one another!

Lucky for them, they didn’t hit BoCo, but rather his train, and being at the back of their train helped them escape any serious damage. But they had something else to deal with. Edward came up to them, but instead of yelling at them, he began belting out unintelligible hoots and squawking! It was a while before he started to speak actual words, and even then, he laid into the twins until they had the paint blistered off of them! BoCo just sat back in awe.

The twins had to stay and clear up the mess. They were looking forward to a nice rest back at the clay pits, but their manager immediately put them to work with the backlog they had left. I think it’ll be another three decades before they even think to play games with Edward again, don’t you?

[preet-01]

OMG OMG OMG scanielax historical au has a special place in my head and heart and i just discovered that THERE IS MORE!!! a second part and a snippet? screaming crying throwing up 😭😭

how is max handling in the longer run scotty trying to get into his head, voicing her claim on daniel more and more, calling him whore and other things? does he snap at her at some point? does max confront daniel about his relationship with lewis when he returns? also does daniel return in time for his childs birth? did he have an affair again with lewis? sorry i have so many questions 😭 im so intrigued i love this whole dynamic and au so much 🥺

sending much love 💖💖💖

ahh thank you!!! scanielax historical au is one of my favorite toxic threesome fics

I have been working on a part 3 multi-chapter fic for this au that answers most of these questions since I often think about them

so that should be coming out in the next few weeks

here's a little snippet:

"I hear congratulations are in order," Lewis says. They're riding just ahead of the others, giving them privacy and some quietness. Men behind them joke and jape with one another as smiles still grace their faces. The journey has only just begun and they have not been apart from their loved ones for long. They dream of glory and setting their names in the annals of history. Daniel, however, does not share the same sentiments. A smile does not grace his face and his thoughts are filled with the ones who await him back home.

"Huh?"

"The Kingdom rejoices, its Princess carries their beloved Prince's heir," Lewis states.

"My part in the matter was minimal, the congratulations are better served for someone else," Daniel replies. He had done very little in the conception of his soon-to-be-born child. He'd only hurt his wife and lover with his inability to do his duties as the heir without help.

"How were your travels?" Daniel asks, not wanting the conversation to continue. He had not seen Lewis in many years. Lewis had led his own platoon of men on a different front during the war and afterward had traveled the other kingdoms in search of a lost friend he'd briefly seen during battle. "Did you find who you were looking for?"

"Lest war breaks out, this shall be my last campaign," Lewis replies with a smile. "I may never sire children, but I have found my home and reason to live a life of peace, not fighting.

[gaywarcriminals]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last ten people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals & followers!! <3

Ahhh this makes me nostalgic for mid 2010s Tumblr 

My cat

Lakes

A new recipe turning out perfect on the first try

My boyfriend's jokes and japes

Thrifting a new clothing item in my preferred shade of teal