#joke art but still im so miserable

[humanmorph]

lemferos. thinking so much about them lately

[begay-startrevolutions]

Lotsa experimentation in this one… Enjoyed the product so now you all can have it

[ratfuck]

every day. every single fucking day is just one personal travesty after another. I stuck around and refused the allure of self-destruction on others' behalf, on the words of others' that it will get better. I've stuck around and found that it was never worth it, and feel as if I am forced to stay alive for those who depend on me against my desire for rest.

Im not the same person I was years ago, and I won't be able to be that person again. I've withdrawn from my hobbies and art, the connections I've established with others have disappeared. My sense of humor has been replaced by a deep cynicism for everything around me. I have nothing to my personhood anymore

My job is pushing me to the brink. I fucking loved my career in art and design and I now just resent every amount of effort to try and change my life for the better for the past 10 years. 9 long months of struggle and pain searching for another good video job after being laid off from the "forever job" I was given last year and I end up at a place that simultaneously pays me the lowest I have ever been paid in my life while demanding the most fucking labor I have ever done. I do the work of an entire department: including digital strategist, social media manager, account manager, multimedia specialist, videographer and editor, graphic designer, and animator, and am being paid $19 an hour. I was making $32 an hour at my last job on qualifications alone just doing multimedia and video. Every week I travel hundreds of miles to single handedly film, edit, and photograph advertising content for dozens of clients. The content I deliver is outstanding and they still refuse to pay me a living wage. I am supporting 2 adults on top of myself with my peanut salary and have nothing left over to invest in the future. No amount of fucking praise from my bosses is equal to paying me what im fucking worth

What remains of my family is falling apart. My dad is medically committing suicide by refusing a heart surgery. That fucker ruined my childhood and adolescense, never supported me in my life, beat me, humiliated me, and continuously picks on and belittles me for who I am, and he's taking the easy way out and presenting his decision as a big final "fuck you" to me. My mom's health is failing, and my remaining grandparents are doing worse

My medical issue is escalating. My phantom pain syndrome fucking flares up every day now. The bleeding from my eye socket is getting worse and worse. I can see the implant bulging out and tearing through my flesh. Every time I cry, I cry actual tears of blood. My pillowsheet is stained ruined by the uncontrollable bleeding pouring out from my face at all times. I will never be able to wear a prosthetic eye again, and will be permanently scarred and forced to wear eye patches for other people's comfort. People are so fucking insensitive about it. I am so tired of the stupid pirate jokes or being told it makes me look scary.

I fucking hate being transgender, specifically I hate the experiences I have had with others who I'm supposed to feel fellowship with. I am so fucking tired of meeting trans women who present normal at first, and as soon as I show vulnerability I'm being fucking raped, I'm being used for financial gain, for housing, for drugs. Most I've met at this point have turned out to be fucking emotionally unstable sociopaths or some pathetic cretin who just wants someone to manage their fucking miserable shit life for them while they jerk and fuck whats left of it away. I have not felt this fucking alienated from any other community or identity I am part of, fucking dumbass cis people in my life have treated me with more inclusivity and respect than the trans people in my life. I still am getting stalked online by a couple of these fuckers for choosing to cease contact. I just want to fucking knife every one of them who just hits me up for pointless sex or for me to cuck them with their stupid fucking girlfriend

The miscarriage fucked me up so hard. I still think about it. Its been years. The fucking pandemic and that COVID-19 infection control job fucked me up. Seeing fucking hundreds of corpses in months and seeing them fucking getting stuffed with cotton balls soaked in antiviral chemicals and their faces sewn shut and then stacked in a fucking trailer every week isnt good. Escorting a grieving family to say goodbye to their dying kid fucking plugged up with tubes in every orafice was something that a fucking 22 year old shouldnt have been exposed to. The amount of people from the public who screamed at me and accused me of being part of some fucking NWO conspiracy and getting a fucking gun raised at me with no fucking repercussions for them. I witnessed so much fucking death and human suffering in such a short fucking time and absolutely no fucking validation for these experiences and I'm expected by family and peers to just continue on like it was a fucking hiccup. Losing the uncle that encouraged me to finish college and built me my car to COVID to cap it all off is just the final 'fuck you' from the universe, from God, for surviving through that nightmare

I know posting this is a fucking mistake, I hate revealing myself and being open about my life. I fucking have no other outlet for these feelings though. my friends don't fucking give a shit or check in on me. I have no more desire to explore myself through art. I have no hobbies or interests that are compelling enough anymore to distract me from feeling like im in constant misery. I don't want other people's pity, I want to be able to scream in anger and hate and lament at the life I am OBLIGATED to live

I know that by posting my feelings, im only inviting the vermin who waste their time encouraging me to kill myself to escalate their rhetoric, and use my vulnerabilities against me. You can't hurt me, not when I died years ago

[femboty2k]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.

[gallapiech]

im held hostage to do this tag game

thank u @spookygingerr for making this week's tag game heeeheeee and thank you @lingy910y @sleepyheadgallavich & @creepkinginc for tagging me!

favourite nickname someone gave you: NOT GREG. hm, maybe Fernsie? People usually just call me Pie lol.

favourite thing in your room/house: my computer :3c

your favourite thing about a friend/partner/family member: the joking jokester you make me laugh so much for the next challenge we will be painting using mythica's blood

what is something you’re grateful for today? The people who ordered a keychain :)

what’s your favourite thing about this fandom? The creativity!!!!!

if one song could describe your day today, what would it be? I'm so ass at doing these kind of things uhhh

pick one of your pocket pals and tell them something you admire about them: I'm gonna do this one a little differently, and use it for my tags at the same time!

@ian-galagher I admire the fact that despite also being Dutch you still haven't come to my house and beaten the ever loving shit out of me, yet. ♥ Also the Africa fic is so good I love it and you.

@lee-ow ur ok ig.

@deathclassic Molllyyy I always get excited when our paths cross! I admire your work ethic because I would've exploded 100 times already if I had the same work hours that you do LOL.

@thepupperino I love talking to you sooo much omg! I manifest you having insomnia every morning just so I can catch you in the discord server :) Also your stories are always so crazy and amazing oh my god.

@deedala I love it whenever we struggle at trivia together <3 What's the dps number of the shit toilet in fallout 4? hint: 0 vowels @doshiart I admire your dedication to art so much!!! Your art is so fucking good and I love your backgrounds and rendering I got much to learn from you.

@roryonic I admire your work ethic and I love your fics sooo much, your dry sense of humor is also very funny. @jrooc Your big sister energy is ooffff the charts Jess I love talking to you and I always feel like you give me a safe space. Also your writing is bomb dot com I eat all your words up. @heymacy YOUR GIFS AHHHH tyheyre so amazing macy, I also love it whenever I can catch you in the server. I always feel like you bring the sun with you wherever you go. @transmurderbug Sky I love talking to you, seeing you fail so miserably with the snail race commands and then giving up. I can't wait to hang out again next netflix n chill.

I can go on forever so I'll force myself to stop here, LOL. If I didn't mention you then you probably already tagged me :3, or I'm too lazy to add you but i still see u and appreciate u muah muah muah

[b3742864234]

Futa x reader, Futa x reader, Futa x reader. Please please. There aren’t that many out there, which is a shame~

Ok so for this I decided to do just regular relationship hcs (lmk if you want a pre milgram him xreader about how you got together as i already wrote one for current him) buut i included both pre-milgram fuuta and the fuuta we have now :)

Pre-milgram silly

he can and will be agressively protective of you

im talking like, if someone looks at you wrong he is not afraid to get in a fight with them

he's proud to show you his accomplishments (by that i mean. getting a whole group of people to bully others)

but also, he's be very proud of you

he's the kinda person that will show off his s/o at any chance he can get

annoying-couple style, he posts about how cool and great you are

he easily adapts to your love language, he treats your needs as more important than anyone else's

his love language is physical touch. so get ready

he plays soccer with you :)

if you don't know how to play/aren't that good at it, he teaches you instead

when he first asked you to play you were. surprised to say the least

smth smth twitter user goes outside !?

sorry

but still. he doesn't seem like the kinda person to enjoy sports all that much

if you're in any way artsy or just want to get out and do something, he's the one

like in backdraft's mv, i imagine he actually enjoys drawing graffiti

it's a nice way to destress, express yourself, all that

if you mess up it's whatever. who's gonna judge a graffiti drawn in some secluded place

he draws you at one point. it's not the best but you know he tried his best.?

you both take a few selfies in front of the art :)

it's Your Spot <3

.........

he found out about his victim's death when he was with you

and oh. oh

he didn't mean to do this

he just. stares there at his phone, mumbling excuses to himself

because he's not a murderer, right?

you wouldn't date a murderer.

he's okay. he didn't do anything bad

he just hopes you don't blame him

Milgram silly

he feels weird about this relationship

in a way that, he doesn't fully understand your reasons to date him.

but he's happy with you

he often says how you're "the only normal one here" and you "keep him sane"

he's joking. obv

half joking

if you're a prisoner, he fully believes you are innocent

honestly i feel like he wouldn't even date you if he thought otherwise

as in, he'd first have to know your story and then he'd judge you based on that

if you're a guard? that's a funky dynamic

the annoying loud angry prisoner becoming more and more calm around That One Guard

everyone is quick to notice, which results in him kind of avoiding you

he fails miserably. you are a guard. there is no escaping

either way he cares about you. a lot

he talks about you to haruka

it started kind of involuntarily. haruka just asked him about his opinion on you

and oh boy. he sure had an Opinion

he "offhandedly" complimented you a lot, noticed a lot more details about you than about other prisoners

haruka understood the situation. pretty quickly

he does not mind :) he finds it kinda cute

anyways

fuuta thinks about you. a lot

he likes to imagine you both in different scenarios, he has soo many ideas for you guys for when he's (or you both) released

speaking of which, you're his new motivation to get out of milgram

he now just wants to live with you, be free to do whatever he wants, all with you, without That Feeling at the back of his mind that someone is watching (other prisoners/guards)

:)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas!! hope you're doing good <3 so my best friend realised something huge about her future recently; she has always been into this one career but now she finds more interest in this other career and in my country those two careers are like completely different streams

the following info from Google for context :- Science: Includes subjects like physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and computer science Commerce: Includes subjects like accountancy, economics, business studies, and mathematics Arts/Humanities: Includes subjects like history, political science, sociology, economics, and languages she was very science oriented and her current stream in mind falls under arts/humanities. we get to take more personalized subjects in about two years time in school and its an absolutely crucial time. my best friend is undoubtedly pretty smart. she doesn't know whether to stick with science incase she doesn't like her arts/humanities subjects or to just take them instead but her parents want her to keep science and I know I'm just her best friend but she has been my absolute closest friend since the first day of 3rd grade which is around 6 and a half years so I think I can say I know her pretttttty well and this is just my pov but she seems way more relaxed with the career option she has right now in mind versus the science oriented career? like I have noticed a SIGNIFICANT change in her behaviour. she's less worried about being a perfectionist in science (she still tries to get good grades obviously but she doesn't get as obsessive about it) and its really made her idk, happier these days? like even my mom would describe her as sort of "grumpy" in the joking way but I swear everytime I see this girl in school she is SMILING and she is GLOWING and I could go on but she just seems so RELAXED, and I'm just her best friend but I'd say the current career option is pretty well suited for her. but idk. im too scared to tell her too much of my opinion because I'm literally her age and well what if her parents are right about the whole "take science to keep your options open" thing? my parents agree with hers but a friend of mine agrees with me - she should drop science because honestly? science in our country in our junior and senior year is PRETTY HARD and if you ask me taking science with the intention to study arts/humanities in college is pretty stupid because our school is literally one of the best in the city (in my opinion its the best because our competitor school is just "all show no substance") and we do have a prettttty good reputation for arts/humanities and commerce. science not so much but people take coaching outside school anyway. so if we already have such a good system she should just trust in it. but idk I don't wanna push her to make any wrong decisions. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can because in our country, taking science is deemed to be a really respectable thing and everyone is under the impression my best friend would take science. but I know its making her happier. but I don't wanna push her to do something that could impact her whole FUTURE. I'm a pretty extroverted person and I'm friends with loads of sophomores and they have to pick their subjects for their junior year right now and I know one person who's taking the same career path my best friend is interested in and I intend on asking her how she was sure and stuff. and I'm trying to research on the side as well to help her make her decision, I'm asking peoples opinions and what they think and am kind of getting mixed reactions?

im so sorry for this rant but I just want my best friend to be happy. she means the literal freaking world to me.

Honestly, I think you should support her to do what will make her happy, as long as she's making an informed decision. Too many people decide on their careers based on what everyone else thinks, and then they end up miserable. If she's sure that she wants to wrk in humanities and seems happy, support her.

My only warning with this is with any career choice, it's important to research it before making life-changing decisions (selecting coursework, for example). So she should look into the career she wants. Check the requirements, the pay rate, the hours, things like that. Make sure it fits with the lifestyle she envisions. If it does, and she is making an informed choice, then fuck what everyone else thinks.

Are you, by chance, friends with another anon on here? Naming you future anon

[burningvelvet]

on percy shelley & human connection & coping through art

to set the mood of this post i must say i'm writing it really quickly on my phone over a bowl of pasta with bread & broccoli & some orange flavored sparkling water & im still dressed in my outdoor wintery clothes (all black, knee boots, wool, silver chains & rings, although i mostly prefer gold jewelry).

so anyway today i've been kind of sad over ppl not replying to my texts & my usual reaction is to say "ok, guess i'll kms, wah wah, cry cry" but this sort of passively cynical joking schtick has gotten old & i would rather occupy myself some other way instead of moping about failed connections or the difficulty of initiating contact with anyone or the struggles of modern socialization as a whole.

instead, i will read the works of percy shelley tonight, and think about how he struggled with all of this over 200 yrs ago. of how hard he struggled to make leigh hunt and lord byron collaborate with him on their journal the liberal, and how he struggled all his life to build a positive community even in spite of years of bullying, ostracization, and family strife - he often felt like giving up, and like human connection was impossible, but he never gave in to apathy and instead he continuously curated his ideal life by seeking out other like-minded people, even when he occasionally embarrassed himself in public or when others were decidely averse to him or lukewarm in their reception. john keats didn't entirely take to him when they met and some of keats' friends straight-up disliked percy for being weird, but percy (though scarcely knowing him) loved keats as a brother-poet nonetheless, was generous to him, wrote one of his masterpieces in his favor, and died with a copy of his poems in his pocket.

percy always reached out to others and was a loyal friend even when others disrespected him or ignored him or just simply didnt love him as much as he did them. his letters to lord byron show how reverent he was to his friend, and how his affection was never returned in quite the same gusto, but, while still trying to keep his self-respect, percy quelled his frustrations and continued his correspondence with byron regardless. percy acted as the mediator between byron and claire even when his stress was so high it weighed heavily on his health. he actively tried to choose to be positive even when the people around him were negative or miserable. like most writers back then, he sent his writing to his idols, and sought mentorship from people he admired, like william godwin and leigh hunt, and he continued to respect them even when they took advantage of him financially (moreso in godwin's case).

anyway what i mean to say is that whenever im feeling lonely or rejected or alienated or socially stupid or am just second-guessing my role in society or whatever whatever whatever, i cling to creativity/art/literature/etc. even harder than i regularly do, because thats what it exists for.

i knew a therapist (not one i saw as a patient, but someone i knew through mutual interests in media/the arts) who said that a certain musical performance we both loved probably saved way more lives than any single therapist ever has. - the performance in question was david bowie's tokyo 1990 live recording of rock n roll suicide, an anti-suicide song (its available on youtube, go watch it lol, he performs it with so much conviction).

any way even though at the end of his life shelley sometimes felt like he was failing to achieve his dream of building a utopian art commune - he actually did succeed in introducing several people to each other in ways that changed peoples lives. his friends jane williams and thomas jefferson hogg got married only through his mutual friendship. whole literary societies have been started in his honor - to this day there are conferences & whatnot that meet annually - his life & writing continues to inspire people and bring them comfort - & he would be extremely proud of that - any artist would. the main goal of any famous dead writer is basically to become the imaginary friend of their future readers & he accomplished that - even though all the time he was wracked with doubt/depression/suicidality/illness/chronic pain, etc. - as a political/philosophical radical, he realized that having hope is one of the most influential & radical things one can do - & i'm glad that, even though this is a person who died over 200 yrs ago, there is at least one person who really resonates with me - even though we're from different centuries, different continents, different sexes, etc. - it's helpful to have positive influences to look up to, especially when they've also struggled in similar ways as you. and although shelley was pretty privileged (rich englishman) he really did struggle a lot mentally & physically - his life was a chaotic mess - and he wasn't perfect at all - but i think he's still inspirational for my previously mentioned reasons - his ceaseless hope. the last poem he was working on was titled the triumph of life, even though he wrote it during a deep depression. the last poem he published in his lifetime was hellas, which he hoped would raise money for the cause of greek war of independence. from the poem:

"Life may change, but it may fly not;

Hope may vanish, but can die not;

Truth be veiled, but still it burneth;

Love repulsed, — but it returneth!"

[j2zara]

j3j4 time!!!!! director's commentary for the part starting with "He says it again" and ending with "there really is something thrilling about being chased, isn’t there?"

Oh my god i asked for this, didn't I? I'm gonna interrogate my deeply horny art. Sorry I put this off for so long but again i got a little embarrassed trying to analyze my own smut and needed to take a break. This is gonna get long winded. Please bear with me.

He says it again. His voice shaky. “Punish me.” A beat. “And why would I do that?” she asks, feigning naivety. “When you’re being so good for me.”

This is gonna sound funny but. I do think there is something to like. J4 actually being kinda bad at the reward/punishment framework of like a Scene b/c she's just ultimately too soft for J3. But to be fair, she is getting something she wants in this situation. He is articulating at least something about his wants to her.

And I've joked before that LJ3 is a little jaceporter coded in that there is a slightly less hostile version but still an undercurrent of "The only time you liked yourself is when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like". And in this moment (well, just prior) he's laughing, he's happy. She likes making J3 feel good, likes herself when she's doing it. She sees herself as too ugly on the inside otherwise, too unloveable and cruel and miserable. She wants to be a person, but she feels like she's getting how to be a person wrong, unless she's with him (and its her god given right to fuck up being a person, she knows this, but part of being a person is the hope that you're doing something of meaning and this? weirdly. Is the only time she feels like she's doing something of meaning)

Anyway. There's this weird dance the two of them are doing of J3 like refusing to articulate what he wants or only doing it in half truths and J4 trying to get him to speak and giving him what he wants but only to a certain extent also those wants conflict anyway. He wants a reward. He wants punishment. he wants EVERYTHING. Is J4 refusing to give him what he wants (punishment) part of their delayed gratification game? Or is it more important to satiate the initial expression of want from earlier (touch me). And obviously, she's doing it with the mage hand so. She's giving him what he wants but there's still that element of denial. That is part of the delayed gratification game, part of the punishment, but also part of her real and genuine boundaries. Her feelings are hurt in this moment, so maybe she's not ready to touch him just yet.

she has to bite back a pathetic moan of her own [...] because he moans her name so loudly, and it makes it sound real, she sounds real, like it’s something of meaning and not just a number—she’s been fighting to be real her whole life and he just willed it into existence, just like that.

Funny b/c i just made a post abt the Eurydice vibes i felt writing this scene. Anyway I know i was a total coward and didn't commit to the Electra-Ellie-El name for J4 in this bc. As much as I personally like it (and its an @neerdowellnarrator Esme Special so thank them) and use it interchangeably i'm always scared abt adding new shit to the lore... Mainly bc idk. I feel like I don't want my decisions to carry that much weight but im also terrified of my choices being rejected. I was so scared abt that with Bluejay as well. But like it seems like everyone has really taken to it so tbh i feel less weird abt it now. Thank u Esme, go pay ur respects to them.

That being said. The other reason i wanted to hold back i guess is. I really liked the idea of J3 imbuing the name "J4" with meaning even though it's just a number just because he wants her so much, he reveres her that much. The name J4 is not inherently meaninful but he imbues it with meaning. And like. Doubly so because that's not even her hand, its through use of a tool.

And there's something so... Unfair I guess. I loved the unfairness of it. Of someone else being the one to give J4 meaning. And it being so easy. Like. She wants to feel real. But she's fought so hard to be the person who determines her own life. She strives for personhood. And J3 doesn't have to fight. He just says it and she just feels real. And that's so unfair. She wanted to be the one to do that. But she'll take it. It's why she moans too. She wants it. She's used to being difficult to love. It feels so good in this moment to be wanted, special, loved—especially for being who she is, and not as an extension of anybody.

There's also the idea of like. The follower having power over the god. Putting a name to it. So that it is Borne into existence. Belief as a form of power.

And being in his head—no wonder he is the way he is, she pities him, the incessant loneliness is abated as he’s filled, as she pushes in deeper, all the other swimming thoughts are vanished completely, he simply wants someone to touch him, wants her to touch him, wants that hand to be hers so badly, in his head she’s right there with him—

There's so much like. J3 being like Jace, being like J2, wanting to amalgamate into one perfect being energy here to me. In the like. Being filled in a sexual way but also like also the. spiritual way i guess? I think thats the one thing that i can't picture J4 wanting that the the others secretly or not so secretly desire. Like. On some level they want someone, porter especially, to take over and like. ALmost live their life for them. Or Be with them always. They want that level of closeness and intimacy, and they maybe even want to abdicate their own responsibility. And. As exhausted as J4 is i do think she understands the appeal in that but she still would resist.

There's also J3 and his like. Use of touch and sex to like. Shortcut intimacy while also being terrified of vulnerability. As like. Connective tissue with Biggest Lie, J3 is always telling himself he doesn't need intimacy, he's better without it while also craving it so badly. And then being afraid to ask for it. So like. He wants to be touched, he wants to bridge a gap, he is so lonely and ignored all the time.

And this is part of a recurring thing of like. It's hard for J4 to tell if he wants her or wants someone. Most of the time, when we get in j3's head, there is a little bit of both and so im always leaving it ambiguous. However, I said this before, obviously ppl are free to read it as they like, but i do belief J4's self hatred makes her a bit of an unreliable narrator. Yes, there are thoughts of broad loneliness in j3's head, of wanting someone not just her, but as much as wanting someone vs. wanting her are both thoughts in j3's head, it usually ends up coming back to her. He wants intimacy, not just with anyone, but with J4. it's why he's always picturing her in his head when all he's getting is the mage hand.

She’s still slow, still teasing, she’s enjoying making him come undone and all without touching him, getting right into the rhythm she knows can make him keen like fucking animal, and then he does—it’s not quite the same, but she’s getting the hang of it, and he really needs to get out of her head, because she wants it, too. She wants it to be her. She wants to give him everything.

I think the like. J3 and J4 understanding each other really well thing is very present here. I call it Homophrosyne which was coined to refer to Penelope and Odysseus, when two people think alike. Like. There's the irony of J4 saying J3 should get out of her head when she's the one reading his mind. And her also craving intimacy with him.

I also think this is an LJ3 + Jaceporter parallel. J3 and Porter as people who are ravenous, they want everything. J4 and Jace as the person they truly want most of all yet are always looking past. You are all I want. You will never be enough. And that's where J4's doubt always comes in. How could she truly satiate someone who wants everything?

But the reversal could also be true. We could see J4 as Luxury Sex Object Prison Coded Porter. As a god who wants to bestow all the best onto her favorite worshipper. So he never has to want for anything else every again. (maybe in a way that is selfish on the part of the god. That way, they can truly monopolize the mind of their saint. Be the only thing they will ever need)

Like what you see? he asks, mouth slightly agape as he makes eye contact with her—the intensity of it knocking the wind out of her. Somehow even when he submits, the pull he has on her, it’s unreal. Not a message. A thought. “Yes…” she breathes before she can help herself. Dawning horror, and then, “Do—Do you want me out of your head? “Nah. I like being double-penetrated.” [...]“You are such a freak,” says J4, but she can brave running her nails along the underside of his thigh. He notices, too, gasps.

Again this is like. Calling attention to the IYWD thing of like. The relationship between god and follower being a two way street. The follower has power over the god just like the god has power over the follower. The person submitting having power over the one in control. Which is very like. J4 kryptonite. She wants to have control over her own life, and when she's with J3 she feels weak, not in control, like his mere existence has power over her.

Again, I think there's like. More homophrosyne, or J3 understanding J4. In that he knew that J4 was using detect thoughts on him the whole time. And J4's reaction being. Like. She truly does believe in personal autonomy, so she does feel terrible and guilty about this violation that she was willing to commit. (A violation that is. To take. To invade. Something she is afraid aligns herself with porter, with everything she hates)

And. Ok. I do think the DP joke is funny. Like. I will give myself that. I'm silly but i do think it's clever. This does kinda go in line with my like. I love when J3 is filthy but in my mind he's also the funniest clone and this kinda goes with that. But also, he's not lying. J3 seeks out everything. He is into everything. He wants it all before he goes. And as much as he gets off on being told he's gross and disgusting and he can make jokes about it, a part of him is truly worried those desires are too dark, too unpalatable, they make him too unlovable. J4 does affirm he is a freak as lot, like, half joking, but to me that's not condemnation. It's like. instead of being like "oh no don't worry you're so normal <3" it's like. I love you amidst all your flaws. Because of them. You don't need to be perfect. You are a perverse, but there is nothing wrong with being perverse.

“Would it make you smug if I said you do this better than He does?” “Maybe a little.”  The best part? She knows he means it, too. She'll do anything for him after this.

Listen. I love when LJ3 is good for each other but i love when they're a little bit fucked up. Like. The ambiguity of whether they can escape the narrative!!! They should be able to exist on their own terms!!! They willed this, they chose this, they want each other intentionally, but also. This is such a tie-in to Biggest Lie as well. Because in that, J3 gets off on the idea that Porter thinks he's better than Jace. And here, J4 gets off on the idea that she's better than Porter. Like. It always has to come back to invoking jaceporter. They get off on the idea of transcending their creators, but is that true escape? For them to always be tethered to Jaceporter?

There's also this like. Thing about. Porter wanting to be the center of Jace's world. Remaking jace in his image. Wanting to be Jace's one and only. And is this instinct, this desire for J4, to dominate J3's mind, monopolize it, be the only one for him. Is it Of Porter?

Gonna skip some of the stuff that's just plainly horny that i don't have much commentary on... I will say, her kissing the corner of his mouth and finally getting him off is like. AFTER the "Being better than Porter" confession which is so funny like it takes that for them to broach the intimacy. For her to fulfill her desire and give him what he wants. And like. Nice? Or fucked up? who is to say.

“Come on then,” says J4, flashing him a wink over her shoulder before turning away again. She beckons him forward with the Mage Hand as a final act before it is dispelled. Once in the bedroom, she lays herself upon her master’s comforter, her legs spread. Waiting. The creak of the door being pushed open tells her that J3 is quick to follow her, and J4 smiles to herself. Then he’s on the bed, and the sight of him on his knees, crawling toward her makes her heart skip a beat. She likes to think of herself as the kind of person who takes action, but there really is something thrilling about being chased, isn’t there?

I do like J4 reclaiming a bit of her power here. Like I know she's femdomming for a lot of this but i feel like in her mind she very much perceives herself to be on the backfoot. The wink feels like a moment where she is truly confident.

But also! The willing reversal! J4 usually being the one to act, to take control, and that's seen as an act of power in most ways, but also, it's to perform labor for someone else. The person who commands the attention, who doesn't even have to lift a finger. Do they not have power in their way? And J4 is exhausted. And she wants to be the one to will her own destiny. But that means she's always the one doing the work. Like she has to fight to have her personhood even recognized. And maybe. A part of her wants to be loved simply for who she is.

And so. In this, she wants to be pursued! Especially after so long feeling like a second choice, feeling abandoned when J3 left her for Porter. She's used to him running, returning. Very Orphydice / Persephades. Very Eurydice joining Hades in the underworld.

("Whatever happened. I'm to blame" / "no!" / "You called my name" / "You came!")

She gets to be the god, the one who is worshipped instead of the worshipper. Instead of the sacrifice. (Mr. Hades is a mighty king... seems like he owns everything / kinda makes you wonder how it feels).

On a personal note. I want that for her so bad. She deserves it. She deserves to be pursued. Loved for who she is. But also. J4 wants to be her own person so badly. And yet isn't the desire to be pursued, to be chased? Isn't that so unabashedly Of Jace? Here they are, defying the narrative. Carving out their own future. But are they? Have they transcended the Starbreaker Pantheon? Or are they doomed to repeat the cycle? Are they going to make it?

("Do you trust each other? Do you trust yourselves?" / "We do" / "well listen, brother / if you wanna walk out of hell / you're gonna have to prove it before gods and men / can you do that?" / "We can" / "a'ight! Time to go" / "Mr. Hermes?" / "Yes?" / "Its not at trick?" / "No. / It's a test")

("Do you trust each other? Do you trust yourselves?" / "We do")

[croutondave]

I've read your addition to your post about the fatphobia and ableism inherent in Wall-E. In the last sentence, you say something like "I could go on about how I'd fix [the film] but this post is getting too long."

If you haven't done so already, could you please post your thoughts about how you, personally, would rewrite Wall-E to get rid of the fatphobia and ableism? And also, do you know of any similar media that gets its messages across in a better way?

(this two month old ask references this three month old post)

thanks for writing in corey. hmm. good questions all around. lemme throw this under a readmore

unfortunately, having fat characters/actors in sci-fi is pretty rare. falls into the (bullshit and lazily written) presumption that characters can't do sick stunts or action shit if they're quote unquote overweight. if anyone can dispute this or has evidence against the contrary id love to hear some suggestions. if not for me for people like me who're looking to get into that type of thing

as for the first part of your question: ive been thinking about this for a while. there's a pretty big difference between what id like to write in order to make a compelling story and what would be easy to portray/fit into a movie-length easily digestible childrens movie, if that makes sense

seeing as wall-e is a movie about life, id like to see the humans on the axiom be given a bigger role. as of now, they're pretty heavily sidelined and reduced to fat jokes (even the captain, who's name is forgettable even if his personality and role isn't). wall-e is a product of its time; one of the first "big things" that had a strong concept of a post-capitalism ecological apocalypse (ironic now from the minds of disneypixar).

something that has definitely been left untouched in mainstream movies of this type is how capitalism and the government fucks over disabled people, and centering a concept around this idea without portraying people who use disability aids as lazy and privileged could be interesting i feel like.

i'm not entirely sure how this could be done, ill admit. im not a film student i do pixel art and reblog other peoples posts. but i'd really like to see someone smarter than me try. wall-e is a movie that's extremely dependent on the cute robots to do the heavy lifting moral-wise, so squeezing in anything apart from that while appealing to the disney audience would be difficult.

what i'd do personally is turn the inside of the axiom into a work of art.

700 years is a long ass time. the nature of humanity is to create. wall-e failed hard in that regard, showing us a snapshot of a miserable looking world where "everyone got dependent on technology to cater to their every need until they couldnt even move for themselves". that sucks balls and i dont agree with it at all LMAO. humans will always have a sense of boredom, a sense of drive. there will always be people who want change, who need something different that their environment can't provide for them. and it'd be up to them and their community to provide that change, not just the robots.

the beginning of wall-e sets up the idea that the affluent plan on leaving earth on spaceships to escape the trash-ridden world. a small scene with an ad showing the sad minimalist inside of one of these ships would be enough to introduce the idea of a boring cruise ship into peoples minds. i really enjoy the idea of contradicting this as soon as he makes it to the axiom: the doors, white and boring on the outside, open up into a brilliantly colorful banner-ridden repurposed hub for creativity. it would still scratch that "this place is so much different/cleaner than what wall-e is used to" itch that they attempted to do through the clean and sad capitalist hellscape they threw us ass backwards into

and to really answer the question you originally asked: i would show how humans on the axiom live. there's plenty of scenes of storybuilding showing how everybody brainlessly lived in these conditions for hundreds of years; i would replace those scenes with showing how people have changed the axiom since it's launch. and instead of relying on how it changed everyone to look like the same unoriginal blob, i'd highlight the differences between everyone. ways of life that would be necessary in order to live in such an environment.

people who have named their own accessibility robots and customized them, people of all different body types. people who need canes, people who prefer the chairs. lifts with space for hoverchairs, benches and rest stops and signs about how to exercise properly without hurting yourself in gyms. people walking with difficulty, people of different ages, people who've identified others as friends and family who can help out with their disabilities. people who are actually human rather than props, you know? if you think that's too much to ask for or unrealistic fuck off, cities are like this every single fucking day. go outside and admire the strangers in your everyday life.

it would still scratch the itch of "everyones mindset has changed" without it being "everyones mindset has changed for the worst". wall-e is about hope, goddamn it, where's the fucking hope for humanity?

there's still innovators, there's still scientists, there's still people with fucking hobbies and honestly it's disrespectful to think that nobody would know about how life used to be on earth. there's still going to be historians, there's going to be people who want to help those around them, theres going to be people who want better for themselves and others. 700 years is an insane amount of time. god damn.

ok tldr cause i went off again: the way id rewrite wall-e to combat the rampant fatphobia and ableism is not by removing the reliance on mobility aids and fat body types, but by normalizing and highlighting the everyday use of mobility aids and showing the different lifestyles different people partake in day-to-day. basically doing the opposite that wall-e did for us. i know for a fact that there is absolutely no way that every human in a ship of a few thousand would all have the exact same mindset, all id do is highlight these differences and show how things have changed for the better since the capitalists who made their prison died out. yknow

it mightve been too much to ask for in 2008 and itd probably be labelled by way too woke for people with no brains but that's what i've got

thats it thanks

[the-peddito-and-doise-show]

YAHOOO IM SO PROUD OF YOU TWO THAT WAS SOA WESOMEEE YYEHAHSGGZHAHVCBAGDGD

... Also. Uhh. Not tryna break the happy atmosphere but... Doise, my bbg, you prolly gotta say your goodbyes now....

“Yeahhh… I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about that.” The Doise ashamedly said, putting his hands behind his back. “About(-a) what?” Peddito, Pizzamancer, Eigilante, and most importantly Doisette all said in unison. “So, uhh… I may have gone to the afterlife, and I may have possibly struck a deal with a literal god that allowed me to come back… and I may have to come back there again because I’ve already done my part…?” Peeperman: “Y-YOU DID ALL THAT?!” Eigilante: “This is The Doise we’re talking about, peeps. After all, he’s always been a broadway actor, so he’s always going to get in some dramatic situations and whatnot.” “I’m not believing this, I’m not fucking believing this—please tell me you’re joking. Please. Don’t go.” Doisette begged in disbelief. Doisey whimpered, as he couldn’t imagine life without his own father to guide him through the tough parts especially. Doise Chan lowered her head with a saddened expression, as she also couldn’t imagine life without her big little brother. Peddita Chan wanted to thank The Doise for introducing her a friend that was like a father to her. Pizzamancer tried to remain stoic and calm, but he too had been given a purpose to serve someone, that very someone who had treated him like he was his friend. Though he didn’t admit it out loud. Even though all of the recolored “ocs” were made to be blatant copies of their original versions, they too felt miserable about the thought of their friend leaving again when they just got here. Peddito… well, Peddito was glad that The Doise was going. He’d been trying to kill him all of this time. Still though… there was a shard of sorrow somewhere in him that missed the years of friendship he had with him. But he didn’t know that yet. Right as The Doise was right about to part ways with his newfound group of friends, both new and old, a mysterious yet familiar figure appeared behind him.

Once The Doise noticed, he was immediately taken back—and so was the rest of the gang who was not expecting this at all. “YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG!” He had screamed.

“Now, now, calm down, calm down! I am deeply sorry for interrupting your hour of grieving, but I believe I have to speak with him right about now. Come with me.”

The spiritual being then gently led The Doise away from the gang, who was still confused of the whole thing. Meister Stiff: “Uhhh… do you know that guy, Mr. Pizza Magician?” “First of all, I am a professional master of the dark arts for your information, you FOOL! But second of all… no, I have no clue who that guy was.” Gusto: “This-a day keeps-a getting weirder and weirder… I can-a barely remember everyone’s name!” Cement agreed with that statement, still having no clue of who was each person was.

“So, you may have known that your time is up, and since now you can finally rest, right?”

“Yeah, I guess…” said The Doise. He didn’t know where was this leading.

“Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you!”

“…What’s the bad news?”

“I have to take back the power that I’ve given you before you came back here, y’know.”

“…Aw man—” The Doise had started saying, before immediately being struck by a wave of lightning stemming from the paranormal essence’s hand. “YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG!” He had screamed… again.

“Sorry about that, but it was necessary nonetheless.”

The Doise took a while being back to an average Joe, as he eventually refocused. ”So, uh… what’s the good news then?”

“You have shown incredible bravery, one that you were determined to protect your friends from a being who ‘thought’ he had the upper hand at any costs given. And you were ready to sacrifice yourself for the greater good, while still honoring the memories made with your own friends. For that reason, you’ve been given another chance at life again. I trust that you’ll resting here a lot more peacefully than that rather dark void back there!”

It took Doise a good moment there, before celebrating cheerfully. “Yippieee!” Then, the rest of the gang (who had been secretly listening to the whole conversation), rushed over to celebrate along with The Doise, cheering as well that he was able to stay with them. Especially Doisette (who didn’t care if it affected her tough image) kissed him many times on the cheek for how incredibly lucky she was to have him.

“Oh, and also, I’ve got two familiar friends with me as well—guess you can say that they’re back from their travels! Say hi to them, would you?”

Golden Pizzaboy waved over both Nick and Jerome, who were waiting patiently for them to be called in. “Wassup?” Nick said, trying to be edgy and cool (but horribly failing at it). Jerome himself just gave a supportive thumbs up. Peeperman: “H-Hey, I’ve been won-wondering of where you gu-guys have been!” Eigilante: “Where did you two even go in the first place, anyways?” Nick: “Uhh… South Dakota?”

[b1gwings]

15 Questions for 15* people

haiii i got tagged by @babacontainsmultitudes & @oakay :3 thx for tagging me this is fun !1!!

1. are you named after anyone? I named myself after Clay from the Wings of Fire book series :) I started going by Clay a little over three years ago, I think? When I was thinking about changing my name, I knew I wanted it to be after a character that was really important to me, and Clay checked all the boxes. I think he was the first character I ever looked at for real and went "wow he is so me" LMAO. he's also where my username comes from, too...

2. when was the last time you cried? i want to say it was listening to dndads or taz but i think the real answer is in the middle of finals week after an INCREDIBLY cathartic phone call with my mom

3. do you have kids? no and I don't think I ever want to LMAO

4. what sports do you/have you played? i don't play any sports right now. i played soccer when i was, like, five years old but i HATED it

5. do you use sarcasm? yes but in an autistic way. where allistic people think im being serious and other autistic people know im joking and then they respond to build on the bit and then i can't tell if they're still doing the bit or not. you know

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people? IDK AUGHHGH. i think how someone's hair looks?? if they're wearing any cool jewelry??? im so bad at being aware when im meeting people LMAO

7. what’s your eye color? green-ish grey :]

8. scary movies or happy endings? i don't think these things are opposites but I think happy endings for sure. those little dudes have already gone through so much :( let them ride off into the sunset and live the rest of their lives in peace :(

9. any talents? idk lol ? i consider "talents" to be stuff that you're naturally good at, versus "skills" being things you actually put time into improving or whatever. i'm naturally good at sliding my joints around (sarcasm) and i can do funny voices sometimes (real)

10. where were you born? the swamp (florida, usa)

11. what are your hobbies? drawing, writing, and d&d i think are the main ones right now :] i've been drawing a lot more recently and not feeling super exhausted about it, which has been lovely!!

12. do you have any pets? YES!!! A WONDERFUL LITTLE DOG... her name is Buffy & she's a rescue so we don' tknow what kind of dog she is but she LOOKS like she could be some kind of rat terrier mix ? i love her with my whole entire heart. she's my best friend. lmk if u want me to send u pics of her :3

13. how tall are you? i don't even know. 5'6" i think? im taller than my mom who is 5'4" and shorter than my friend who is 5'8" so we'll go with that

14. favorite subject in school? in high school, art class was my favorite. I adored my teacher; he was the best ever. but i was MISERABLE when i took an art class in my first semester of college. im a creative writing major now, so probably that idk. history & social studies n that kind of stuff has always been super interesting to me, too

15. what is your dream job? i would LOVE to eventually be in some kind of writers' room one day. playing & running D&D games has opened my eyes to just how much I adore storytelling with collaborative aspects. being able to just...make something with other writers...building off of each others' ideas...getting excited about it together... it feels so magical to me.

*anyway i think i have to tag 15 ppl now but idk if i know 15 ppl so im just going to tag as many as i can think of (literally no pressure if u don't wanna do this lol)

@itsbrucey @maxwellamus @flowercrowns-n-punks @kronoose @meteortrails @thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls @simonsnow-irl @lemonofthevalley @iersei @raemeh @phillycheesesteakcore @officialgleamstar

[pikaflute]

sam and max 001 :^))

smiling and giggling. this got long because of autism.

when I started shipping it if I did

i think like. legally if you play the telltale games or consume any sam and max media youre required to think they're a old married couple. it's the law. i also thought they were gay when my tumblr mutuals put sam and max gay comps and art on my dash for many years. and shoutout to that one person who put max's penis on my dashboard too.

and special shout out to my friend teddy for getting me into these games we're going to be fighting in gladiatorial combat but like we'll be kissing while we do so.

my thoughts

theyre going to hell. like for real. do you know how much time i've spent thinking about them these past two months. like. i have a 6000+ word fic still brewing, two wips of ideas that i will probably not finish, and two google docs of headcanons for them. and my THREE playlists for them. here they are btw:

general s&m playlist - he let me hit cause i'm goofy as hell

sam playlist - look at my detective dawg, he's doomed by the narrative

max playlist - UNIDENTIFIED THING! BLOW IT UP NOW!!!

i have also spent so much on those sam and max figurines and the max plush. we're all lucky i haven't found keychains or pins yet to make an itabag. joking. maybe. anyway they're very cute and special to me. i love them so much and i love the way they love. im throwing pipe bombs at them

What makes me happy about them

i love the way they love. seriously, i read the comics over the weekend and they were very funny and very cute together. that whole road trip they took together was so adorable. i also love their interactions in hit the road. the lousy golfer bit is the most married they've ever been in my mind.

i just love couples who have been together for so long that their love language is funny banter. there's a part in 303 where sam finds max's brain and they immediately get into an argument because max was too loud. keep in mind sam just went through all the stops and was so broken up about losing max but they still have time to do this. in 304 before max turns into a monster he fucks with sam. it's really funny.

love them so much. sam throwing max out a window is a declaration of love to me.

What makes me sad about them

im under the impression that telltale games still needs to be tried in court for episode 305. like treason. TREASON. anyway post 305, they're together again (yay) but things have to be different right. like this new max does things differently than what our max did and it's making sam question if this is right. like is this really helping him let go of max? also he feels like if he gets close to this max he'll end up losing him again as he did everything he could to save max but it ended up failing at every step of the way.

meanwhile max is bottling everything up inside because he doesn't want to think about it. when he does eventually think about it, he feels awful and feels like he killed sam and is now thinking whether or not if he should stay to not allow sam to feel anymore miserable about losing max. he doesn't want to hurt sam anymore and will sacrifice his own happiness by being with sam to do that.

anyway that fic should be done soon. looking at you autistically

things done in fanfic that annoys me

surprisingly: ive only read like two sam and max fanfics (that were about them specifically, i read my lovely friend teddy's stuff because we're soul bonded) and one of them is my own draft. i think just in general, they should already be married in the fic. like even post 305 they should like get married again. sam and max have been married ever since max got one of those spider rings from sam at age 5.

things I look for in fanfic

i think they should be annoying. and in love. that's it. actually also give sam a hug max, please. please he needs a hug after the shit in season 3.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

i'm under the impression that they need to be a couple or else. like the world is going to collapse if they don't get hitched 50 times. also i don't think anyone else is right for them besides each other.

but. i have an image for this. do you get it. walk with me.

My happily ever after for them

not living in new york for one. but seriously, i think a lot of people imagine them retiring at some point, but honestly i think they would be freelance police until the end. they just love to do what they do: sam because he loves to be a detective and be with max and max because he loves to be the "long arm of the law" aka shoot people and be with sam. when they do die they're gonna terrorize hell too. you will never separate them ever again.

if they ever retire however, they are living in new jersey for my sake. i hate new york.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

"oh wouldnt sam be the big spoon because hes like 6 feet?" yeah but max is like a cunt. he tries spooning sam and sam lets him because he's a) tired and b) doesn't want to get bit right now. half way through the night sam either rolls onto max or max wants to be cuddled instead and max tries to get sam to change positions and wake up and sam ignores him because he knew this was going to happen because it happens literally every night.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

throwing rocks at each other. but also i think they really like doing any silly shit together. watching movies together but making fun of them. playing poker and max shooting the cards when he loses (which is often). them playing video games together and max breaking his controller because he lost (also happens often). them goofing off on cases. going to a diner for dinner and annoying everyone there. they just love to spend time together with one another. its so cute.

[rabbitgardens]

welcoem to my fuck house

Red | 21 | it/its | main blog

making this sideblog to meet people to play games with and justify my ffxiv subscription!

I dont have very much experience with mmos, and my histories with both gw2 and ffxiv are Falling Madly In Love With It Before Ive Even Beaten The Tutorial and Buying All The Expansions and immediately falling off because of some kerfuffle or another game catching my attention. But i wanna get back into them now!

this blog is a big fat work in progress so mind the dust, I’ll make a proper character list with art/pictures and shit Later

(current list under readmore!)

GUILD WARS 2 CHARACTERS

Revylin- it/any sylvari, cycle of dusk,mesmer. Just call it Revyl! My current main im using to relearn the game! Got converted to the nightmare court as a sapling for its higher than usual magical aptitude, had an Awful Time and was rescued by the Wardens before it could become a knight. Now travels around tyria pursuing a wyld hunt he cant remember (itll be fine!! itll come back to him itll be fiiiiiine) working as a dancer/storyteller before getting tangled up in the Plot

Irysel- she/they sylvari elementalist. max level commander from my original 2019 playthrough! idk if i’ll ever play her again but i remember having such a blast with elementalist i’ll probably try her again eventually

Rika Sunstalker- he/they ash legion charr thief. old dnd character made gw character! the campaign he was in stopped so now he only exists here! a gladium, formerly rika sunblaze, who got his warband killed?? Somehow??? and took the stalker name/joins a pirate crew of other disgraced charr to travel and see the world (still working his details out adldjd)

(I havent made these next few characters ingame yet, but plan to once im farther along!)

Irene- he/she sylvari, cycle of noon, guardian. Warden turned adventurer turned revyl's travelling partner (and eventual co-commander and lover!) Very devout dreamer with a strong sense of justice and desire (read: overwhelming uncompromising need) to be the pale tree's most devout, prized, heroic son. Travels around tyria working up the ranks of the vigil, trying very very Vewy hard to fuffil a wyld hunt she cant remember (all he knows is that it Must be tied to revyl. thats why she feels that way whenever revyl looks at her, right?)

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Pyrotechnician Taz- she/mirror asura, college of dynamics, engineer. do not let her get in contact with revyl shenanigans will ensue

FFXIV CHARACTERS

Ciel D’luxe- he/they viera summoner/archer hes my little meow meow so full of problems. hes a drag queen. he has trust issues. hes trying to find love even though he thinks hes the wettest most miserable man in eorzea. his ex is hunting him for sport. the only reason he became a summoner was because he saw a carbuncle for the first time and Lost It. hes a bitch hes a lover hes my little booboo bear

(havent made these characters ingame yet but plan to!)

alta haragin- she/it au'ra pugilist/lancer (or pugilist/gladiator? i know i can technically have all three but shes gotta have two Mains yknow), Rapscallion Criminal turned pit fighter turned adventurer turned ciels girlfriend and co-captain of ciels adventuring party

drakaz verkach-he/him hroth hhhhheavy armor class of some sort. maybe he'll be the gladiator. the beavis to altas butthead. just here for a good time! please pay no attention to my myriad mental health issues/simultaneous identity crises

(this last guy is a joke character but i honestly cant gey him out of my head maybe ill make him a retainer like i wanna do with kaz)

nagayuki ittetsu-any pronouns au'ra(?) spellcaster who wants to ammase enough power to Become A Primal. he is always and forever getting tricked by ascians/beast clans/random fucking guys and gets Almost Murdered several times-

[jennamacaroni]

I have no idea if you have unposted asks that already submitted these so one or all (or none if I'm too late boohoo): CHIA or PAPYRUS or SAGE!

my fuckinnnnn guy ty! you picked 3 i hadn't done yet!

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

i feel like this is one of those things, like picking favorites, where the second you try to think of one... you suddenly have none.

one of my oldest friends growing up and i have an inside joke related to that part of the princess diaries when mia first visits her grandma's state house or whatever and upon inspection of her bag, she says the iconic line: "please don't crush my soynuts". we thought at the time that was the funniest fking thing and to this day still randomly text it to each other

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

lol this is the most on brand answer: it's 'one last time - deb's final stand up' by carlos rafael rivera from the s1 hacks score. its the best arrangement in the show because it starts off with deb's sad piano theme (which im obsessed with) and then towards the end transitions right into ava's theme and it makes me want to scream! THIS IS A LOVE STORY!

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

it's a really REALLY hard choice between the written word and music, but if i had to choose, it'd be music. i'm just obsessed memories that can be associated with music and how the art form can literally, like, transport you back in time? idk as someone with a pretty bad memory, if i hear a certain song, it can just send me. but also BOOKS i would be miserable without BOOKS

[multitrackdrifting]

your stuff makes me want to make stuff too. i don't even know what i want to make but i want to just do something and post it because i can! it's the joy of just making stuff because we're people and people make stuff. sometimes things in life aren't about money or popularity. wish more people understood that about life

readmore just bc its a long response

yeah i'm kinda at the point where like yeah sure i can get a bag working really hard and never having free time, but nothing makes me feel like a zombie more than working 50 hrs a week plus 15 hours commute total and then just having [good] money and no time to express myself creatively or do anything i feel happy with. its common in a lot of different sectors, but i digress

i just want to make something i feel proud of - lot of people can find that in being super successful and others being envious of how much they make, what car they drive and all this other stuff and its like i don't want to be part of this rat race - i want to convey something i felt was important at some point in my life

i have really bad adhd, i've had it my whole life basically but i only sort of overcame the stigma fairly recently (for myself, not others) and started getting help and all that but before that, I started these videos as a matter of ethic back in july of '22. i made a joke post just saying "thinking abt becoming a video essay guy" thats floating around here with a few thousand notes, then i just did it. I thought to myself that if I can make one video every two weeks then I can beat this thing, while I can actually do that, coming home and having three hours free and hten spending 2.5h staring at a wall was getting a bit unsustainable so after a while i had to deal with that BUT

the fulfilment I get out of making something I feel proud of even if it's not 100% true to my vision, it's better than anything I ever learned in multiple college degrees, or even my job. as a kid i planned to be an artist ( i used to draw and everything), but i just became really disillusioned over time with my own skills and didn't put in the ethic to overcome that feeling. making videos is something i've always done since a lot of my popular edits still get reposted to twitter a lot, but making one that was just about something i'm trying to convey is new. i haven't been a writer for long but i've always been good at public speaking, so i figure, why not combine that untapped skillset and combine them together which brings me to where i am now.

of course, there's this tug of war that's like "liking your job is a privilege" and it is, i agree, but that doesn't mean i should feel miserable at work for the rest of my life - and making stuff im passionate about in a video makes me happier than doing a good job for a client even if i work really hard at that too.

if i can make one person happier with my videos and the only person is me, then i know i already achieved my goal by doing right by myself - that is basically how i try to live. i'm surrounded by plenty of amazing and hardworking people, their ethic and efforts make me want to make stuff all the time too.

you're right anon, people like to make stuff - i guess that's why life feels kind of whack after art class stops being mandatory in school. took it until 10th grade then stacked everything into science and math (clueless).