#john price x reader funny

[soupsandwich64]

Imagine Price having the Reader on one of those backpack leashes people put their kids on because she kept running off or accidentally being left behind. Imagine it's one of the ones with animals on it and Price would ask you which animal you preferred before he ordered in on Amazon. Everyone else is like "wtf" till they see how effective it is and then suddenly everyone else is using it too. You can't go out with any of them without getting buckled up like a toddler and probably tied to one of their belt loops. This is just the consequences of your actions. They order you a camou one for missions.

Also imagine Price getting your attention in meetings like that one Markiplier clip of him with the spoon. Like jingling keys in front of a baby. The others would also see it working and now Ghost carries a little shiny dangly thing in his pocket so he can make you focus instead of having to repeat everything. Soap just uses this to mess with you and snatch your attention at random times. You may even be pavloved at a certain point so it'll make your reaction stronger.

Pretty much any imagine with Price treating the reader like a literal child cracks me up.

[shadow4-1]

I'm just imagining Price walking up to the front door of your job in a full suit.

He's agitated and checking his watch as he starts asking your coworkers where your boss is. They think he's an angry client but he softens when he finally sees you. You hug him, tell him you'll be ready in a minute before running to go retrieve your bag.

You pack up as many of your personal belongings as possible. Your boss takes you to the side with faux concern and annoyance in their tone. They want to know why this (handsome) "mystery man" is here for you.

"I just won the lottery." You smile at your boss, patting them on the shoulder before you walk towards Price.

You wave to all of your coworkers as you leave the building for the final time.

"I quit!"

[ghastlybirdie]

John Price is, of course, the husband that has a special whistle just for you

Did he lose you in a store or needs to get your attention? He whistles in the way meant for only you

Only needs to do it once till you’re bounding the corner seconds later and going straight to him, no detours, smiling at him just the way he likes

It’s worked on day one and knew from then that you were his

[gothghostiie]

also. I had a dream about price last night and it would be a crime not to share, so

imagining price fucking you, he's got you pinned underneath him. thighs pressed towards your torso as much as he can without hurting you one way or another, hips rutting into you at a speed and strength that knocks the breath out of your lungs. he made you cum before fucking you - you're always his priority - so you're extra sensitive, walls clinging to his fat cock like they're trying to not let it get away, while everything is too much at the same time. you're fighting tears of overstimulation, chanting his name between babbled pleas, gripping whatever you can get of him. it only gets worse when he's about to cum; his thrusts get nearly brutal, making you cry out with each one. you try to push him off, slow him down, do something to make the overstimulation stop; but it's all for nothing when he lets go of your legs and leans forward, the angle letting him thrust even deeper. one arm is hoisting him up, the other is suddenly cradling the back of your head and pressing you into his hairy chest to muffle your pitiful moans and mewls while he finishes :(

[imaginesheaven]

Funny moment with TF 141

*on the way to the mission in the car*

(Y/N): *turns on music*

(Y/N): *sings* Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

Gaz: *joins you* So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

(Y/N): I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

Soap, Gaz & (Y/N): If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends

Ghost: *sits between singing Gaz and Soap* …

Soap, Gaz & (Y/N): Make it last forever, friendship never ends

Ghost: … I really want to get out …

Price: *drives* Sorry, buddy, (Y/N) won the bet.

Ghost: …

Soap, Gaz & (Y/N): If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give! Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is!

Ghost: … *tries not to cry*

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

Gentle!Price with a skittish, touch starved Reader who notices when you flinch or shy away from something as innocent as his knuckles brushing your cheek.

Gentle!Price who wants you to feel safe with him, not crowded or pressured, and gives you space to come to him when you're ready. Which you don't do because you don't know how. It's always been safer to keep people at a distance.

Gentle!Price who initiates contact by offering his hand, palm up, for you to accept or refuse on your own time. Sometimes, you accept. But mostly, you refuse. And he never makes you feel bad about it either way.

Gentle!Price who ducks his head with a smile when the two of you are out for a walk and you link your little finger with his. Or press your leg against his under the dinner table.

Gentle!Price who stands before you after dinner one night and slowly brings his hands up, studying your expression to see how you'll react. When he cups his palms to your face, it's wonderful and overwhelming and you're not breathing but you're not running away either, so you take that as a win. "There you go, love," he murmurs softly, because he always speaks softly around you. "That's not so bad, is it?"

Gentle!Price who waits with endless patience as you reach across the gap between the two of you with shaky fingers and trip over his belt, wander up the buttons of his coat, and rest your hand against the solid warmth of his chest. He knows how hard that was for you but it's a sign of how far you've conquered together.

Gentle!Price who always leaves an available space on the couch for you beside him. Just in case you need it. When you walk through his door after a long day and drop beside him, burying your face in his shoulder with a grumble because people suck and I really missed you, he just gives that delicious deep rumbling laugh you've come to love so much and tugs you more fully into his arms with a kiss to the top of your head.

Masterlist

[spidergutz-writes]

Soap: when’s the last time you cried, guys? Gaz: last month price: a couple weeks back when I got pisspoor drunk ghost: cant remember y/n: a couple minutes ago actually.

Ghost:…that was..pretty recent y/n, tears already forming and voice cracking: i-is that a prObleM, GhOsT?

[lazybutsmexy]

Incorrect COD quotes

Mystery

Price: so, who is responsible for this?

Gaz: I...I found it like th-

Price: I know, Gaz. I wasn't asking you.

Price *looks pointedly at Ghost, Y/N and Soap*: Who. Did. This.

Y/N *cannot handle unresolved tension*:...I did it. I'm sorry.

Price: I don't believe you. *Stares at Soap*

Soap *offended*: it wasn't me!

Price: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!

Ghost *did it*: yeah, what the fuck, Soap.

[konigsblog]

which cod men would react best to waxing and which ones would be dying from pain? 🧐

johnny would scream, yell and probably shed a few tears. he's in denial – yeah, he totally didn't't cry, it WASN'T even sore... – but, the tears streaming and rolling down his cheeks is evidence, and you can't help but giggle, hearing him suck in a sharp breath as you prepare to wax him again... only then, will he crack, laughing and pushing your hands away, his skin red from the ache.

price would wince, he's grit his teeth a little, shutting his eyes tightly, but wouldn't dare shed a tear, or two. he'll admit it, though – hurt like a bitch! – but, could manage doing it again. :3

simon would have the quietest, calmest reaction. he'd shut his eyes, closing them tightly, biting the inside of his cheek as you finish, rubbing your hand against the waxed area. he could do it again, but won't admit it hurts – even if it did !! he knows it's sore, but doesn't have a reaction, instead comparing it getting shot, making it seem less sore to calm himself.

gaz would have a mixture between johnny and price. he'll wince, rolling over and clutching the waxed area, holding back tears as you giggle, telling him to relax. he'll admit it, as well, hurt really fuckin’ bad, and would fight your hands the second you come close with the wax strips. don't wax him again, dove !! 😮‍💨

könig would wince, he'd let out a grunt, covering his eyes with his forearm as he furrows his eyebrows. his reaction is similar to price; grunting and biting the inside of his cheek, somewhat... admitting that it was kinda sore... he doesn't wanna seem weak, but he sure as hell doesn't want to ever get waxed again, liebling...

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Saying “Aye, Aye Captain” to Price just to see him look like this

[soupsandwich64]

Price: Good job. *handshake*

Soap: *nod* Captain.

Price: Good job. *handshake*

Ghost: *nod*

Price: Good job *handshake*

Gaz: Thank you, Sir.

Price: Good job *hands her a lollipop and pats her head*

Y/N: :)

Soap, Ghost & Gaz: ???

[yeyinde]

devoured midnight mass and now i can't stop thinking about a Price-Priest au for some reason, but like:

he's a good leader. a pillar. but you keep making him question his faith, his morality. he clenches the rosary so tight in his fist whenever you come into the confessional that it leaves permanent marks on his palms. fresh wounds on his back from self-flagellation. hides in the confessional for days, muttering miserere to himself, acts of contrition. he's fully convinced you were put on this earth to tempt him. lead him into damnation.

you become his ultimate Test. he has to save you. has to. but you keep driving him mad until he breaks. bends you over the pulpit and fucks you in a house of god, consumed by his own downfall. all wicked, bastardised religion. the grievous weight of lust crushing him until he's broken in your hands. now a wrecked, wretched man in search of absolution that he decides can only be given to him by you. thinking along the lines of corrupted salvation. that slow crawl to unhinged, obsessive devotion. madness, honestly.

he's a zealot; you're the sanctuary that will save him. no matter what. after all, god made you just for him.

(except that god has fangs and eats flesh.)

[molotovmetro]

The 141 + König with a s/o who goes non-verbal

Tiny disclaimer: im autistic and have moments of being non verbal during breakdowns etc, so this is based mostly off of my own experience, but if anyone feels like ive said inaccurate or offensive things, please let me know as that would never be my intention. The way I've written this suggests this is a negative feeling (, since thats how i experience it) but I understand that might not be the same for everyone. For some people this might just be a daily or

Requested by @apocalypticseagull

Warnings: mentions of stress and the slightest hint at possible injury, besides that nothing I can think of

M!reader

Ghost

Ghost relates to you. While he wouldn't claim his experience is the same, he gets moments of overstimulation where he wants everyone to leave him alone, and will just stop reacting to people.

When he feels like this, he prefers to sit in his room, either completely in the dark or with only a small lamp on, and have as little noise around him as possible.

If you're in a stress situation, not knowing what else to do to help you, that's what he'll resort to.

He'll take you into either his room or yours, whichever you would prefer, and holds you while letting you get away from all the triggers for a bit. Unless you're dealing with life or death situations, whatever work you have left for the day can wait. Your wellbeing always comes first.

Soap

Soap is a lot more observant than people give him credit for. He's the king of avoiding stressful situations for you whenever he can.

But alas, he can't avoid it every time. Whether you start saying less and less as the minutes go on, or just stop talking suddenly, he notices immediately.

Not that he'd be quick to admit it, but he's got a written list of everything you like, even if it's just something you mentioned in passing. He absutely will use this list to do whatever he can to make you smile and relieve some of your stress.

He'll make sure to find a way to still communicate that both of you are comfortable with. He'll happily lend you his journal to write in, or he'll ask Roach for some lessons in sign language. He'd break his back bending over backwards to make you comfortable if he had to.

Gaz

No matter how often it happens, Gaz still feels a jolt of panic whenever you don't respond over coms when you're on a mission. He almost sags in relief as soon as he hears you hum, or even just hears the crackly static of you pushing your radio's button.

He knows you're a talented soldier and you're more than capable of handling yourself, he still prefers to be near you at all times. What if something happens and you can't tell him? You could be in trouble without him even knowing. He'll, just knowing you're stressed is making him want to reach for you.

He likes his job, likes helping people and ridding the world of danger, but his favourite part of every mission is when you're sitting in the exfil helo after a good mission, and you give him that wide smile he's been waiting hours, if not days to see.

Price

You and Price have been working together for so long, you both know the drill. When he starts to notice you going quiet, he makes sure he only asks yes or no questions. On your side; one click of your radio button for no, two for yes. Throw in some improvised morse code when necessary, and you've got a solid communications system.

Having this system is also a huge bonus during stealth missions, when he can't talk freely without risking being spotted.

He loves hearing your voice, but he doesn't treat you any differently when you can't talk. He'll support you in whatever way you need, without making it feel like he's babying you.

The two of you are a well oiled machine. No matter how stressful the situation, usually you can tell what the other one is thinking just by looking at them. You know you both have each other's back, verbal communication or not.

König

König doesn't mean to make a big deal out of it, and he won't if you don't, but he does worry.

After a situation like that happens once, he commits everything that helps you to his memory, and uses the knowledge to help you the next time it happens.

Even down to the tiniest detail, he'll remember. If you don't like a certain texture or can only stand a certain flavour of drink during moments like this, he's making sure you have everything you need and are as comfortable as possible. Whatever is stressing you will be dealt with by him while you're resting and calming down.

If you want to be alone, he understands and respects that, and gives you the space you need. But if you don't, there's nowhere he'd rather be than by your side.

[skauni]

Price: *Walks in.* “Eh… why are they in a cage?

Ghost: “They bit me.”

Soap: “Licked me.”

Gaz: “They growled at me.”

Y/N: “RRRAH. RHARRHAR!” *Shakes cage violently.*

[rodolfoparras]

Ok but imagine price's wife catches them in action and price saw her but he begged the younger recruit to still keep going🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

ANON THIS WAS THE BEST THING IVE HEARD TODAY

Price’s wife who’s always heard such good things about the young recruit that price is mentoring. Your name is a common topic at the dinner table. She’d been to many of your award ceremonies, had even invited you over to her and Price’s house a couple of times, Price had even gone as far as calling you the son he’s never had

Imagine the absolute horror when she finds the very same recruit fucking her husband in their shared bedroom

At first she doesn’t even know what’s happening, having just arrived from work and standing behind the door, listening in on the strange noise coming from inside the bedroom.

She peaks her head inside, only to see price pinned down to the bed, head pressed into the mattress and ass propped up in the air

She’s absolutely horrified and for a brief second she thinks he must’ve been forced into doing this

But price isn’t sobbing because he’s upset, isn’t shaking because he’s scared, matter of fact he looks like he’s enjoying it, even from where she’s standing she can see the way his eyes roll back in his head, mouth agape and drool dribbling onto the mattress where he lays as he willingly takes everything you give him

“I bet your little wife cant fuck you like this isn’t that right pretty?” You say, thrusting harsher, deeper, into him, while she watches her husband eagerly buck up onto the young recruit’s cock.

“Answer me pretty” you say punctuating every word with a thrust to his prostate and Price makes a sound she’d never heard her husband make before.

“No no only you! Only you can do it please please let me cum please sir I need it”

“What do you think? Should I let him?” You say, words no longer directed at price but instead to his wife as you meet her eyes.

Her heart drops to her stomach, bile rising in her throat but you don’t cease your thrust, instead you continue to bully your cock into her husbands hole

[miguel-owhora]

yk what, price/mreader but you just like to randomly hump him. not even in a sexual way, but he can be standing, drinking some coffee or going over reports, and you'll slide up behind him and hug him. and he becomes tense—nit because he doesn't like hugging, he does, especially if they're from you, but bc he doesn't know whether or not you'll hump him. it's a 50/50 chance. everytime he's startled when you just straight up hump him, and he's exasperated but also amused.

bonus points if you do it in front of the others. you do it so often no one bats an eye, if anything, they encourage you to go harder. ooooh ykw? if it's in an open space price will either 1. shrug you off him or 2. full on just flip you over his shoulder; you'll land on your back and wheeze out a laugh, warmth spreading to your cheeks and ears, and all around your chest when price peers down at you, and fuck if he doesn't look so good.