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topperscumslut · 1 year ago

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Flip the Script (NSFW)

Summary: Bill punishes you after you make him break character during a sketch

Time: roughly sometime from 2008-2010

Content/warning: smut, porn with a plot, unedited stoned writing, fingering, oral (fem receiving), spanking, vaginal sex, protected sex, choking, breast worshipping, brat kink, praise kink, begging kink, male moaning, public sex

Word Count: 1.8k

It was your favorite night of the week - Saturday night. It wasn’t that you had a crazy party to go to, well, not until after work at least. It was that you had the best job in the world, working for Saturday Night Live with your steady boyfriend Bill and your castmates who were like family to you. Tonight, you and John had something special planned.

Mulaney was always making Hader laugh by switching his lines in Weekend Update with Stefon, but this time John had let you take the reigns. You were newer to writing but he coached you through it, and with a little help from Andy Samberg, you had a sketch that was sure to send your boyfriend into hysterics.

You felt a little bad at first, you didn’t want to upset or embarrass Bill, but John reassured you he did it all the time and he wasn’t upset. He was right, you thought, and what should I be scared about? Even if Bill was mad, he would never hurt me… unless I wanted him to.

Now, it was finally the night of the show and you, John, and Andy, couldn’t contain your giggles about the switched lines you were unexpectedly springing onto Bill later tonight. You made your way over to your boyfriend��s makeup chair where he was getting ready for the show, already in his game show host character suit, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, love bug!” he wrapped you up in his arm, “I’m so excited to be performing the first sketch you’ve ever written tonight! That’s huge!”

You giggled at how enthusiastic Bill got over you, you really were extremely lucky. “I gotta admit, I do have a few little surprises planned…”

Bill’s eyes widen.

“You better not make me break up there!”

“Aww, whatcha gonna do about it Hader, punish me?”

This makes his eyes widen even more, before he collects himself and pulls you in closer, whispering in your ear.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do.”

You attempt to control the arousal now pooling between your legs from the rasp in his voice, and see how much you can get away with teasing him.

“Oh noooo, I’m so scared!” you chuckled, giving your lover a snarky wink.

“You’re scared? I have no idea what I’m gonna have to say out there!”

You roll your eyes with affection and place your hand on his neck, “babe, it’s not that bad, I swear. I love you, and I know you’re going to crush it.”

Bill plants a kiss on your cheek. “I love you too.”

The two of you pull yourselves together from the dishevel of the sexual tension, and continue getting ready for the night before exchanging a quick peck right before the start of the show.

After opening with one of your skits with Amy, Bill is up. John flashes you a mischievous grin and you feel your stomach churn from adrenaline.

Only a few seconds in, you’re getting the tiniest smile out of Bill, him shooting you a look as he sees his opening line is changed. By two minutes in, he can hardly keep it together as his lips grow into a goofy smile and he’s nearly doubling over with laughter.

You lock eyes with him as he starts to calm down from his laughing fit, mouthing “good boy,” which causes him to squirm in an attempt to fight back both the laughter and the sudden tent growing in his pants.

By the end of the sketch, you and John are laughing your asses off and Bill is red as a tomato, playfully flipping the two of you off as he walks backstage.

He takes you into his arms and places a chaste kiss on your lips, pinning your hands behind your back when you try to hold his face. “I don't know whether to be more proud of you for your writing or annoyed at you for embarrassing me.”

You kiss him back with a small laugh. “I’d stick with proud.”

He leans down and whispers in your ear, “let’s just hope you decide it’s worth it after tonight.”

Chills run down your spine in lust and anticipation as Bill kisses your cheek and walks away. The rest of the night goes by smoothly, act after act, just as planned. At the end of the show, you and the rest of the crew all join the stage to say your goodbyes, before gathering together to clock out and head to the cast after party.

Bill’s already teasing you in the back of the taxi, kissing your neck with his fingers in your hair, and rubbing his hands up and down your thighs.Your purple cocktail dress barely covers you, and your beloved boyfriend can’t keep his eyes off of your body.

When you make it to the nice Mexican restaurant the party is at, you greet the cast, hugging an already tipsy Kristen and fist bumping Andy. You and Bill go sit down with Seth and Jason and make small talk while waiting for your food after ordering. In the middle of the conversation, you feel Bill feel his way up your leg, making his way from your knee nearly to where your legs meet. He pretends to nod along to something Jason said, but then turns and nods to you to ask for consent, to which you nod back.

Before you know, Bill has his right hand in your panties, massaging your clit while you fight to hold back your moans.

“You doing ok, (Y/N)?” Seth asks.

“Y-yeah, just, a little, um buzzed.”

Bill laughs, shaking his head with affection, “my little lightweight.” He shoots you a devilish glance, knowing damn well the real reason isn’t the alcohol in your system.

Right as you start to speak up again, Bill gently sticks one finger inside of you, causing you to gasp. You collect yourself as quickly as possible, trying not to let on to what was happening under the table.

Bill suddenly stops, abruptly stepping up from the table, announcing he’s going to use the restroom, leaving you with the guys to pretend like nothing had happened. Within five minutes, the three of you had diverged, still waiting for your food, splitting apart and joking with your coworkers when you get a text from Bill.

Meet me in the closet by the kitchen.

You bite your cheek, exhilaration flooding your body. No one will notice if both of you are gone for a couple minutes, right? You excuse yourself, walking to the hallway and right past the bathrooms, over to a large closet across from the kitchen.

You open the door and Bill beckons you in, shirt already unbuttoned, before pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

“Did you think it was funny making me break out there, doll?” he asks, fingers brushing your chin. He kisses you again before you can answer.

Between heavy breaths, you try to talk some reason into things. “Bill, we can’t do this here, someone could catch us. What if our friends-“

“What? What if our friends what? You can make me break character on live television, but are scared of all our friends knowing what a good little slut you are for me?”

Your breath catches in your throat, unable to speak. Bill starts to kiss up and down your body and you surrender to the sensation as he engulfs his face in your breasts, slipping off your dress to expose you to his touch and sucking and licking them while praising you. Telling you what a good girl you are, what beautiful tits you have for him. He leaves dozens of hickeys on your chest before making his way down to your bikini line.

Bill starts to kiss around the bottom of your pelvis, making you whine and beg for him. He finally gives in, holding you up against the wall before removing your lacy panties and sticking his face between your legs. Your knees start to give out as you moan and gasp his name, Bill licking up and down your folds and sucking teasingly on your clit. He inserts two fingers into you, curling them around your g spot, before pulling out as he feels you start to clench.

“Damnit Bill!”

He chuckles a little and looks you up and down, “told you there’d be consequences.”

Bill starts to undress, throwing his clothes recklessly onto the floor. He pulls out and slides on a condom, before lifting you up onto the wall again and making you beg before sliding into you. He steadies himself by placing his hands above your head before starting to pump into you as a familiar Arctic Monkeys tune plays through the restaurant stereo.

“Holy fuck, Bill! Harder!”

At this point, you don’t really care who hears. All you care about is your desperate need to cum. Most of the cast is probably enjoying their dinner anyway, none the wiser to you and Bill being gone.

You gasp in pleasure and pain as Bill raises his hand and spanks you while thrusting in you. “Such a good little fucking brat. Taking it so well.”

You start to feel him throb inside of you and his dominant demeanor falls from his face as his head tilts back and his eyes roll back in pleasure, lip quivering. You can tell he’s getting close and clench your walls on him, eliciting a deep groan.

Bill’s speed increases as he muffles his moans into your neck, so close to release. You feel your orgasm approaching as well and dig your nails into his back as he pumps into you. You throw your head back, nearly hitting the wall before Bill’s hand secures you, as he fills you completely and the tingling pleasure overtakes your whole body. You swear you see stars as Bill pushes you over the edge, hand wrapped gently but firmly around your throat.

Bill reaches his high at the same time, pulling you into him for an intimate kiss, hands fondling your body. He pulls out of you before planting a kiss on the top of your head and helping you get dressed, adjusting the collar of his shirt as the two of you make your way back to the party.

“You did such a good job, babygirl,” he whispers to you with a kiss as you join the rest of the guests.

“(Y/N)!” Kristen calls to you. “Where the hell have you been? Your quesadilla is getting cold!” She gasps in surprise and amusement as her eyes draw to your neck and chest, noticing your hickeys.

“Damn, why do I never get that treatment when I make you break?” John chuckles.

Bill turns beet red again, laughing awkwardly with the group while helping you to your chair. After a long night of laughs, food, and drinks, you and Bill finally make it home, changing into your pajamas and holding each other until morning, excited to spend your day off together repeating the night before.

#bill hader #bill hader x reader #bill hader smut #bill hader fanfic #snl #saturday night live #smut #saturday night live after party #andy samberg #john mulaney

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supercalifragipopculturevomit · 6 months ago

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WHO'D YOU RATHER?: 100 MALE ACTORS EDITION

A game I often spring on friends who are as obsessed with pop culture as I am is Who'd You Rather?. The terms are loose and we usually do it as a progression (so your last choice is often pitted against a new one). It's light fun but my diabolical goal is usually to torture someone with a choice of nearly equal weight (like I did to myself with the first two selections).

Sharing this here in case anyone would like to join in 😊 My own picks are in bold. If anyone has a round or two for me, feel free to add it in the comment section.

Daniel Brühl vs Benedict Cumberbatch

Cillian Murphy vs Rami Malek

Gael García Bernal vs Diego Luna

Pedro Pascal vs Oscar Isaac

Riz Ahmed vs Dev Patel

John Cusack vs Ethan Hawke

Hugh Grant vs Jude Law

James McAvoy vs Tom Hiddleston

Michael Fassbender vs Tom Hardy

Matthew Goode vs Dan Stevens

Edward Norton vs Sam Rockwell

Brad Pitt vs Colin Farrell

Keanu Reeves vs David Tennant

Matt Smith vs Hugh Dancy

Adam Driver vs Jake Gyllenhaal

Robert Pattinson vs Jamie Dornan

Regé-Jean Page vs Jonathan Bailey

Michael Cera vs Jesse Eisenberg

Andrew Garfield vs Nicholas Hoult

Matt Bomer vs Andrew Scott

Bill Hader vs Paul Rudd

John Mulaney vs Ramy Yousef

Jason Sudeikis vs John Krasinski

Zachery Levi vs Adam Brody

Paul Dano vs Barry Keoghan

Steven Yeun vs Henry Golding

Domhnall Gleeson vs Ben Whishaw

Elijah Wood vs Daniel Radcliffe

Ryan Gosling vs Ryan Reynolds

Hugh Jackman vs Ewan McGregor

Timothée Chalamet vs Tom Holland

Paul Mescal vs Josh O'Connor

Jeremy Allen White vs Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Shia LaBeouf vs Miles Teller

Mike Faist vs Dane DeHaan

Kingsley Ben-Adir vs Daryl McCormack

Mads Mikkelsen vs James Spader

Robert Downey Jr. vs Tom Cruise

Matt Damon vs Mark Ruffalo

Idris Elba vs Michael B. Jordan

Jeremy Renner vs Bradley Cooper

Henry Cavill vs Chris Hemsworth

Chris Evans vs Sebastian Stan

Alexander Skarsgård vs Bill Skarsgård

Austin Butler vs Jacob Elordi

Mahershala Ali vs Sterling K. Brown

Mark Strong vs Stanley Tucci

Steve Carell vs Bob Odenkirk

Michael Shannon vs Bryan Cranston

Joaquin Phoenix vs Christian Bale

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hauntingneighborhood · 6 months ago

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i wanna do what tashi duncan did to bill hader and pete davidson

#challengers #john mulaney #zendaya #tashi duncan #bill hader #pete davidson

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standupcomedyhistorian · 6 months ago

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Good morning!

I know it's been a long time since I've posted (I've finally settled in to my new home with my boyfriend Jeff), but I had to write about my new favorite comedy thing right now:

EVERYBODY'S IN L.A.!

There have been two live episodes so far (Coyotes and Palm Trees), but the chaotic and absurd nature of the program has been an absolute BLAST to watch, and I am totally digging John Mulaney's new look lol.

If you're a fan of improv comedy or just want to see some of your favorite comics sitting in a 1970s living room set getting snacks from a roving robot (Saymo scared the SHIT out of Jon Stewart last night on multiple occasions lol), then I urge you to watch.

The episodes are live at 10pm ET, and there are four topics left:

Helicopters

Ghosts

Earthquakes

And so many fun guest stars will be showing up, including my boys Gil and George! (Oh...HELLO)

Have you been watching? What do you think of John's talk show format? Doesn't it sound similar to what he proposed about interviewing experts in that ill-fated 2020 GQ article?

But I always wanted to do a talk show where the guest is always someone from a job that I don't understand. I'd love to interview a dog catcher and be like, "What is that like? How do you feel about yourself? I'm not judging, but I am a little. How do you feel rounding up dogs and taking them to the pound?" I had two ideas for a talk show once. And by ideas, I mean I thought about them in the privacy of my own room. One would be just interviewing people who do anything that interests me. And I don't mean like on the ground and I'm watching them do their job. It would be like a talk show set and they'd come out and there'd be a band and so forth.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of the episodes, and keep it here for more comedy fun! ✌🏼🐔