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writing-in-the-impala · 8 months ago

Text

Secret Smokes (Part 14)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 2400

A/N: I haven't had time to proofread this one but I wanted to get it out in celebration of it being Remus's birthday today. Happy Birthday Moony.

| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 14, Next Chapter

The trees outside were becoming greener, and the air a bit warmer. Remus and you would even sometimes take walks outside together to enjoy the sunshine, obviously distanced and acting appropriately. Acting appropriately was beginning to drain you as the honeymoon stages of being with Remus began to wear off.

January was filled with the thrill of being together and sneaking around, you got comfortable in February and now it was March. You were entering your third month of being exclusive, but not being anything, spending evenings together but barely ever sleeping in the same bed. No matter how much you enjoyed it you couldn't hide it was all becoming slightly draining. You longed for a date, to go the theatre like Remus once promised, to go for a walk and hold hands. To kiss in a public space.

"Any plans for the weekend?" You asked Remus as you strolled through the grass in the morning on Friday, you asked in the hope of finally going on a date again.

"I have a meeting with some members of the order, apparently there's rumours of activity between death eaters" He kept his hands firmly in his pockets. "What's your plans?" He looked at you with a gentle look of admiration as he spoke.

"I was thinking you could take me around London?" You asked slightly nervously.

"I'm sorry, not this weekend. There's too many people from the order around right now. Besides we shouldn't speak about this in public." His body was closed off as he looked around and spoke in a hush tone, it used to thrill you the secrecy, but it was beginning to hurt.

"When can we? You promised me the theatre." You said and he smiled gently.

"As soon as possible."

"When's that?" You pushed and Remus shook his head. "When it's less risky."

"Fine can I at least come officially meet Sirius?" You asked.

"I would like nothing more,"

"But?" You interrupted

"But, the order operates out of his house, and there's been more meetings recently, it's not safe for us to be hanging out there." He explained.

"What about your cottage? Or is that too risky too?" You tried your luck.

"That's actually a good idea, but," You rolled your eyes at Remus again. "I need time to make it habitable, it's a mess there. I'll go this weekend and depending on the progress soon we can go together." He explained and you nodded satisfied with getting at least somewhere. He looked around before continuing. "Tomorrow, after my meeting I'd love to see you. If that's okay? Although I don't know what time I will be back it would mean a lot to me if you were free." He almost whispered.

"Of course, if you won't take me out on a date at least we can have one here." You said and he offered a weak smile.

"Now tell me, how's your preparation for exams going?" He changed the subject now speaking in a louder tone and it felt more like spending time with Lupin than Remus. You enjoyed all sides of Remus J Lupin. You enjoyed learning his habits and quirks, you would sit in your DADA lesson and watch him intensely as he would tap his fingers on his wand when he was nervous. You could quite define what was going on between you both, on one hand he was very reserved, he wanted for you to come over to spend time together and then for you to leave, like you were a way for him to have company. On the other hand he was passionate, he talked about his dreams of showing you the world, about how he saw the future it made you feel like maybe you were special to him. You spent the day alone waiting for Remus to come back, every few hours you would walk past his office to find out if he was back yet no sign of him. It was getting late and you were begging to believe he won't come back today and you wasted your evening waiting for him.

Finally around nine pm as you walked back to your dorm from his office you saw him walking in your direction towards his office, you smiled at the sight of him. He was very dressed up in a nice shirt and blazer, he looked like he really cared about his appearance today as he went to the meeting. You didn't really understand why he got so dressed up to see the order or why his "meeting" lasted all Saturday. He greeted you in the corridor with a nod and you turned around walking side by side to his office. "Hello Professor." You said with a playful tone.

"Hi Y/N, I know it's Saturday but do you mind coming to have a quick discussion with me in the office?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"My pleasure." You said as he held the door open for you and you stepped inside.

"Hello my dear." He said as soon as the door closed and he leaned in to kiss you. "Sorry for running so late, everyone couldn't stop talking I left as soon as I could." He explained as you walked up the stairs to his office.

"You look really nice." You pointed out.

"I've got to impress you, how else would I keep you interested in boring old me." He said, at this moment you clicked the thing you could smell was fire whiskey, he had been drinking.

"Do you often drink at important meetings?" You asked, a sting of jealousy on your tongue.

"Only when they run late," He explained as he poured two drinks and you sat down.

"I waited for you like an idiot all evening." You explained feeling upset by how you ruined your day waiting while he was drinking and dressing up for a meeting.

"I'm sorry, dear, I tried to leave as soon as the meeting finished but everyone wanted to talk, they wanted to talk to me, which rarely happens, you know how I talk and people lose interest well this one time when I wanted them to not listed they did listen. But I wanted to come back to you this whole evening. Anyway we're here now and I can bore you instead of them." He gave you a soft kiss on your cheek as he sat down next to you.

"So tell me about your cottage." You said making yourself comfortable on the couch, with your legs crossed and your drink in hand.

"What do you want to know?" He re-adjusted himself to face you as he sat on the opposite end of the sofa and music played in the background, he had his favourite vinyl on which filled the room with positivity even if your conversations didn't start on a good note.

"I don't know, we always just talk about music and me, I feel like I barely know you."

"I'm an open book."

"That's a lie."

"What do you want to know?" He said gently ignoring your remark.

"Did you grow up there?" You snapped.

"In the cottage? No, god, no." He snapped back instantly looking down at his glass with the last three words.

"So where did you grow up?"

"Everywhere, we moved around a lot because of my condition. Listen Y/N I would rather not talk about this today. Ask me any other day and I'll tell you, today I want to listen to some records, hold you in my arms and sip some expensive whiskey." He said putting an arm around you and pulling you closer.

"So you'll speak to others all night but all you want is to sit next to me and listen to music?"

"I also want to kiss you." He said planting a light kiss on your lips making you blush.

"Remus, I feel like you don't want to let me into your life."

"You are in my life, dear. I spend more time with you than anyone else. The last time I was around someone so much it was Sirius and I was your age."

"Yet you won't even let me meet Sirius." You left his embrace sitting on the opposite side of the sofa.

"Y/N, we spoke about this..." he said sitting up himself.

"What are we?"

"I don't know." He said slightly defeated.

"Are we dating?"

"No." He replied calmly but instantly without time to even process the question .

"But we're exclusive?" You asked after a moment of thinking

"Yes." Once again instantly.

"Why?"

"Because I can't bear the thought of anyone else kissing you."

"Why won't you date me?"

"Because I'm your teacher." He didn't break eye contact.

"Bullshit. You've crossed that line too many times for it to matter, why?"

"Because it's me. Y/N, I wouldn't want to curse anyone with me, especially not you. You don't understand what I am..."

"I do Remus, and I don't care so drop this self destructive attitude and let yourself feel happy."

"I want you to feel happy!" He almost shouted but controlled himself. "I am sacrificing my job for you to be happy-"

"Yes because you don't get any enjoyment out of it, you're just having sex with me and inviting me over for my enjoyment." You snarked back and he rested his head in his hand as he massaged his temple trying to find the right words to say.

"Y/N, you know what I mean. I care about you, I am smitten by you. But it would be selfish of me to decide to date you to call you mine. You're a young witch, you have so much potential. I have to change jobs before people realise my condition, I am always moving, I'm not safe, and I'm not safe to be around. I want to keep you safe and happy, I don't want to ruin your future by people finding out you're dating not only your teacher but a werwolf."

"Selfish is you not giving me a chance. Do you know what would make me happy? If you held my hand. The day you took me to the British Museum was one of the best days I've ever had, I was so happy, you can offer me happiness but you decide not to. You would know all this if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice." You now raised your voice a little bit too much.

"This isn't how I wanted this evening to go." He simply said looking down at his feet almost defeated.

"I'm sorry but you can't keep running from this conversation Lupin it's March, am I just your plaything or do you hate yourself so much that you truly won't allow yourself to feel okay for a moment?"

"Dear, can we just come back to this tomorrow when you're more calm and I'm more sober?" He asked with a soft tone that contrasted your own.

"Maybe I should go." You said standing up and gathering your belongings.

"Dear-" he began as he stood up and followed you towards the door.

"No Remus, I'm not going to allow you to hurt me with your mistaken nobility, the worst part is you truly think you're doting the right thing." You said emotions getting the best of you.

"Y/N. Please stay." He placed his hand on the door to stop you from opening it.

"Why? Why are you so desperate for me to stay when you won't talk to me about anything real."

"Because it's my birthday..." he said and it hit you like a wall of bricks.

"Remus I'm so sorry-" you began but he seemed dismissive.

"Actually I believe it may be best if you do leave," Remus said letting go of the wall and walking to sit back down, downing the rest of his drink and closing his eyes as he sat there not looking your way.

"Yes I should go, we should go. Let's go to London."

"What?" He shot a confused look at you.

"Let's go, what are we doing wasting away here? Do you really want to spend your birthday sitting here like every other evening? Or do you want to celebrate?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday, I just don't want to be alone this year."

"Why isn't Sirius here?"

"Because I already saw him, they bought out a cake and sang me happy birthday at the meeting. I didn't like the attention but it was nice if Sirius to organise it, but I told them I just want to sit at home today."

"No let's celebrate!" You insisted sitting down next to him and putting hands on his knee.

"I told you I don't want to I just want to sit here and have a nice, normal, evening with you." He said sternly, his body stiff.

"Remus, why didn't you tell me it's your birthday?"

"Because I didn't want you to react like this, it's not important, I didn't want a cake, I didn't want people singing happy birthday, I just wanted to sit with you here and feel normal and happy." He explained it felt like he was lecturing you.

"I don't understand..."

"No you wouldn't would you?" He stood up moving your hand off his knee and walking away to go top up his glass before he continued speaking. "I didn't want to be reminded another year has passed, another year where there no cure, another year where each month is a curse, another year my mother is dead, my friends are dead. Another year closer to loosing my father, to loosing Sirius and another job. What is so fun about celebrating this?"

"Because it's about celebrating the person you are." You emphasised walking over to him, you stood in front of him looking up at him hoping he would kiss you as you moved up your him standing on your toes.

"There's nothing to celebrate about me." He said walking past you to sit on his office chair. You followed right behind him.

"Yes there is Remus. You're amazing, do you really think I'd be waiting for you all evening if you weren't worth celebrating." You moved in closer invading his personal space and straddling him on his desk chair. His body shifted below you as he cleared your throat, you could feel his penis twitch as he was begging to get hard. "I'm sorry Y/N, I think you should leave." He said almost whispering. You looked into his eyes for a moment before storming out. "Self destructive asshole" you murmured as you slammed his office door behind you.

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

A/N: sorry for the angst I had to do it.

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