#joel gets to be a dad and a grandpa

[im-not-a-virgo-im-a-lesbo]

Y'know what, in light of my most recent actual post I made, here's a little snippet of something I'm working on

It's unedited because I'm still in the early stages of writing, but I'm enjoying working on it so far.

[kedsandtubesocks]

seasons of you (year 1 - spring)

Farmer!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: it’s your very first spring living in the valley & you’re very sure Joel Miller already wants you leave

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, stardew valley AU, reader is a new farmer & has a family but no physical description, mentions of unspecified age gap (reader’s age is not mentioned but Joel is older & in his 50’s) very light use of gendered language, handyman & farmer!Joel, grumpy!Joel, wound tending & blood imagery, discussion of family loss with light navigation of grief, Ellie being Joel’s daughter, secret softie!Joel, alcohol consumption mention, use of nickname, budding romance

word count: 5.4k

a/n: our first ‘Joel’ fic for our stardew AU series! Here’s to starting this new aventure with y’all! I couldn’t have the strength to post this without @swiftispunk @lowlights @ahauntedcowboy @burntheedges @perotovar you angels don’t know how much I appreciate y’all and am so grateful for you babes…and to you, if you read this - I’m so thankful for you too ♡

No one in Pelican Town hates you more than Joel Miller does. George, the crabby older elderly man in town, might be a close second, but Joel has him beat by miles.

For someone so incredibly handsome, almost beautiful in a rugged wilderness way with his misty mountain gray hair and sharp lovely nose, his glare could wither your entire family farm’s field.

“He’s just an ass sometimes.” Your Dad had told you with a sigh over the phone. “Been that way even when your gramps was around.”

At first you didn’t want to fully admit it but yeah, Joel is a prickly cactus of a man.

He owns a farm further down the path from yours. You love walking by it when you take the long way home and getting to spot all the sheep roaming around his fields. He’s also the town’s handyman.

“A jack of all trades, more like it.” Pierre, the main store owner, snickered that to you while Joel was in the store fixing a light fixture.

After that Joel helped you set up your first fencing gate. Then he fixed your sink. And then your water heater.

It’s been a lot and you know it. You feel guilty at how bad you can’t seem to get a hang of this new life yet. Your grandpa did it, thrived even. You can too, or you hope you can.

Until Joel glares at you like you’re a bug ready to squash, then you feel incredibly small.

Once you physically and accidentally ran into him walking out of the blacksmith’s shop when he was heading in. You sputtered out an apology, but without a single word Joel walked past you as if you weren’t even worth his time.

One night you went to the town’s saloon hoping to maybe mingle and get to know everyone better. But simply seeing him sitting inside made you turn on your heels and scramble out.

From that point on you’ve been avoiding him.

But now unfortunately, a few paces away from Joel Miller’s farm, your hand bleeds out a bit aggressively.

“Shit.” You hiss, slipping off your backpack to search for your mini first aid kit.

Yesterday you stubbornly tried fixing your fence and accidentally scrapped your hand pretty bad against the wood. Earlier you believed you wrapped it good enough but now the blood soaking through the bandaid mocks you.

“You alright?!”

The sharp accented drawl rings out loud in the early morning and fear collides into you.

Of course Joel hadn’t left for the morning.

You yell back that you’re fine but scramble frantic now trying to find the damn first aid kit.

“Is that blood?” Joel snaps, sounding closer, as his boots rush against the dirt.

“No, I spilled paint.” You grumble to yourself annoyed.

“M’old but I fuckin’ heard that.” Damn.

He’s much closer now, so close his shadow falls over you but you refuse to look at him.

“What happened!?” He barks confused.

Sighing, you give up hope on finding the poor elusive first aid kit.

“Just cut my hand, that's all. It isn’t deep. I’m fine.” You reassure him.

Joel sighs angrily.

“Come on.”

Now you turn and discover his soil eyes stare at you with such a steeled intensity you almost want to scurry away.

“Fixin’ this up inside.” He doesn’t even ask or let you leave. With one yank Joel Miller pulls you towards his farmhouse.

“I’m fine.” You snap back.

“What? Just wanna let it bleed ‘n get everywhere?” An edge in Joel’s voice silences you.

Any argument you wanted to hiss out immediately floats away the moment you cross the threshold into his house. Your eyes go wide. You never once thought you’d ever see the inside of Joel Miller’s place.

It’s larger than your grandpa's.

Joel deposits you into his kitchen. The lingering smell of breakfast, possibly oatmeal with its warm cinnamon notes, hangs in the air. Yet you feel like a caught feral cat that doesn’t know how to react being inside a house for the first time.

So you let your eyes wander.

Beautiful wood cupboards line the walls. A fridge is covered with various papers held up by sweet colorful cartoonish magnets you never would’ve expected from him. A worn cozy, well loved, couch peeks out from the slight view of the living room you spot being inside the kitchen.

Joel’s house seems knitted together by a rustic weathered comfort. Yet, there’s a hollowness to the house, like it’s waiting for more spirit to fill the halls. You can’t pinpoint or describe the stillness here in this place, but you sense it.

After rustling around a drawer, Joel yanks out a rather impressive medical kit. Largely bulky and intimidating, like him, it’s no surprise a handyman and farmer has such a first aid kit.

“How’d it happen?” Joel asks gruff and quiet as he rummages around the bag.

You tell him and his seasoned face scrunches up frustrated.

“Why didn’t ya call and have me go fix it?”

You thought about that. But you couldn’t handle the thought of asking him to help again, to deal with his frustrated sighs and gruff annoyance. He barely said a word to you last weekend when he went to check your sink again.

“Don’t need you to fix everything.” You tell him composed while Joel pulls out various things to wrap your wound.

“Besides, I can fix things on my own.” You add firm.

“Not all the time.” He replies.

You stay quiet and watch his hands, large and callous, gingerly dab away all the crimson from your cut.

He’s never been this close to you. You catch the faintest smell of wood and of something clean crisp, his laundry detergent maybe. It threatens to fog your senses knowing he smells this lovely.

“Y’dont ask for help and shit like this happens.”

Your face hardens at Joel’s words. You even childishly want to yank away your hand and storm off.

“Look I get it, you barely tolerate me and think I can’t do shit. I know I’m still new, but this was an accident. It happens.” Your words come out harsher than you intended, sharpened scythes that cut through the room, and Joel freezes.

“I don’t think that.” He replies clear as a spring blue sky.

You want to bark a laugh of disbelief, but instead you simply stay silent.

Joel sighs, keeping his eyes on the medic tape he readies.

“And I… tolerate you.” He sputters like he’s trying to muster the words out.

A moment passes. Then Joel sighs, ancient and heavy.

“Don’t mind me. M’just some grumpy old fuck-”

“Hey you’re not old. You’re just grumpy.” You interrupt trying to ease the mood and your heart jumps hearing him snort.

“M’old.” He clarifies. He is older, older than you, and that fact creates a strange flutter in your chest you don’t want to explore just yet.

“And…don’t want ya feelin’ like shit.” He continues with a curt softness.

You never knew his voice could sound this layered, so tough but tender.

“Just tryin’ to look out for ya like your gramps asked me too.”

There’s a strange apology shaded in his words but you manage to catch it. A rush of emotions drown you in their current.

“You were close with my grandpa.” You comment with a curious question lingering below the surface.

“Yeah,” Joel answers low now tenderly moving to wrap your hand. “His ol’ ass used to keep me in place.”

You smirk fondly. That sounds like your gramps.

“Miss seein’ him walk by this place and hearin’ him complain that he likes the sheep more than me.”

Joel’s fond and aching voice digs its hooks into your soul. You miss gramps too, so much.

“Used to fish a lot together out by the lake.” He adds.

This is the most Joel Miller has ever spoken to you and you worry the sun might fall out of the sky soon.

“I bet he out fished you.” You tease soft.

Joel snorts. “Damn right he did.”

You can almost picture it clearly, your gramps and Joel laughing together, having a friendship.

“He’d be proud of ya.” Joel mutters but his words chime clear.

Your attention flickers to Joel. He keeps his focus steady on your hand. However his words crystallize deep in your heart and you blink away tears. You ever expected Joel Miller to almost make you cry like this.

“Thanks…means a lot.” You truthfully tell him while you swallow back the heartache and love threatening to spill over.

“He’d also say you’re a fuckin’ stubborn thing for not askin’ for help.”

You snort at that.

“Well you knew the old guy, it runs in the family.” You reply.

Joel chuckles.

It’s small - like the faint flash of seeing a cardinal in the trees. But you heard it, his amusement, and it’s lovely for a man quietly layered as him.

“Alright, all fixed up.”

The wrap is tight, secure, and speaks of his many times previously doing this before.

“Thank you Joel, appreciate it.” You do.

“Can't be a handyman if I can’t fix up people sometimes.” He shrugs but there’s a deadpan charm to his words you’re slowly catching now.

“Doctor and a handyman, no wonder the town keeps you around.” So you dryly joke back.

This moment isn’t much. Yet it feels like gaining a good step in the direction of something right and solid.

Gathering your things, you decide to head out. Even though curiosity claws at you to take in a few more moments being inside Joel Miller’s home, you have seeds to buy.

“Where ya headin’’ to?” Joel asks.

“Pierre’s.” You huff. “Need more parsnips.”

He hums a noise of acknowledgment.

Back outside the mid morning sun’s warmth soaks you in its gaze. Maybe you could fish for a bit before you head to the store. After all, the weather is so nice.

“Hey.” Joel barks out and before heading back on the road, you turn to him.

He’s a sight on his porch. You think of the typical romance movies of the handsome farmer trying to woo the newcomer in town and how right now he puts them all to shame.

Hands crossed over his chest, his broad shoulders seem like mountains against the doorway, so striking and large taking up the entire focus.

“Don’t hesitate to call y’hear? Don’t fuckin’ care what it is or what it’s for, call me.” Joel’s face is hardened and serious, reflecting the unwavering tone in his voice.

Something heated crawls up your throat and makes you dizzy. You blame it on the blood loss.

“Besides, s’what neighbors are for, right?” He adds a bit awkwardly.

It hits you. He’s the closest homestead to you. You are neighbors with him.

“Alright will do, promise.” You nod and mean your words.

“Thanks again neighbor.” Those words tingle on your lips.

Joel nods and with that you head out.

You’re on such a strange high you simply float straight to the pier and fish. It’s comforting being among the crashing waves, the sea breeze, and the wonderful weather. You also think of your gramps and Joel here.

But by the time the sky starts to turn into a ripe tangerine you realize in horror you forget to buy more seeds.

You almost scream in anguish when you find Pierre’s doors locked. Accepting momentary defeat, you head home.

When you reach your porch, there against the steps a bundle of parsnip seeds and a small pack of bandaids sit waiting for you.

- ☼ -

Your hope to quietly enjoy the egg festival, your true first event here in the valley, is diminished when Mayor Lewis practically drags you into the egg hunt saying it’s a rite of passage.

His deadly polite politician smile said there was no way you could worm your way out of participating. So you simply start the hunt thinking of the strawberry seeds you can’t wait to plant once this is over.

You’re not overly competitive, but these eggs are getting harder to find. You want to finish at least with some dignity.

Besides the area around Stardrop Saloon you scan every inch like a hawk. Someone coughs, clearing their throat, and it catches your attention.

Under the shade of the building, nursing a cold drink, Joel slightly turns towards you.

Now instead of a hawk you feel like a surprised field mouse caught in his gaze.

Without saying anything Joel flickers his eyes a couple of times towards the corner of the building. Is he giving you a hint?

Heading to the spot his eyes vaguely guided you to, you discover a colorful egg.

You almost want to keep it as proof this happened. Joel helped you.

By the time the egg hunt ends everyone already seems to be packing up and the mysterious Mr. Miller has vanished from the commotion.

Abigail wins the egg hunt and you aren’t even upset. In fact you walk home feeling like a champion.

The next morning on the help wanted and errands bulletin board in town you spot Joel’s name. Below it is a request asking for a small pack of wood.

You readily answer it and drop off the bundle eagerly, a way to help pay him back for everything.

The pretty decent payment he gives you is nice but the crooked soft hint of a grin on his face when you arrive to deliver the request is worth iridium.

A few days after that he mails you a recipe. The letter is so simply Joel - a straightforward recipe then a scribbled JM below it. You hang the letter up proudly on your fridge.

Spring blooms more and more before your eyes.

You decide to take advantage of it by foraging for the day.

“Where y’heading?”

You’ve been taking the long way to the forest these past few weeks in hopes of seeing him again. Now that you’re not actively avoiding him, you discover, small town or not, Joel is a surprisingly busy man.

When you catch glimpses of him, instead of glares being thrown your way, Joel Miller simply nods acknowledging you. Comforting as it is to know he doesn’t outright detest, you don’t like how much you hope to run into him more.

Now he’s here sliding on his backpack while moving to lock his gate.

“Just heading to the forest, gonna forage and walk around for the day.” You answer him.

“Works out, hafta head that way myself.” Joel explains falling into step besides you.

Alone with Joel Miller once again.

The small talk comes - asking each other how your days have been, anything new or interesting happening. The heat is starting to pick up announcing summer’s close arrival. Thankfully it’s still not unbearably hot as you and him fully enter the woods.

Cindersap forest is tranquil. A beautiful glimmering evergreen haven you enjoy simply strolling through. You never thought you’d ever be here with Joel.

“No new crops coming in?”

“Nothing exciting.” You shrug. “I’m more upset that I didn't plant any tulips this season.”

“Those your favorite?” Joel asks, surprisingly curious.

“Not mine, my gramps.” Your memories of the farm might be hazy, but you always remembered fresh tulips in the kitchen.

“They’re for the fairies.” Gramps would tell you with a wink.

You were bummed after realizing Pierre had flower seeds and it was too late to see them bloom in your kitchen.

“Damn,” Joel sighs. “Ain't your fault. Pierre’s an ass and hides all the good shit, flower seeds included.”

You’re almost positive Pierre doesn’t do that, but you burst out laughing.

A giddy twinkling glee consumes you and fills you buoyant. He’s trying to comfort you in his own Joel way. And it’s dangerous how fast you’re growing to enjoy the company of this grumpy cactus of a man.

You move to snag a few dandelions and wild horseradishes. You make a face at one that smells a bit ripe and decide to leave it for the forest.

“You can eat those y’know.” Joel comments.

“Yeah so I’ve heard.” You tried your first ever daffodil this month. “A wild horseradish might be a bit too much right now though, but who knows. Maybe one day I’ll try ‘em.”

“My kid used to eat these all the damn time. Never took a likin’ to ‘em myself.” Joel grumbles kicking the disposed horseradish.

Kid.

“You have a kid?” You ask curiously.

Joel blinks to you and there’s a gleam in his earth eyes of something reserved slowly revealing itself.

“Uh… yeah. A daughter. Ellie.”

A daughter. He’s a dad.

It fits him in a way that you never would have expected.

“She doesn’t live here?” You ask but then quickly apologize for pressing the subject. Joel waves you off, casual and unbothered.

“She did, just graduated highschool this year. Wanted to do the whole college deal. She lives out west now.”

So he’s an empty nester.

Delicately, wanting to know more about him and his daughter, you ask about her.

Joel inhales deep then exhales slowly, as if an immovable weight on his shoulders rattles deep to his bones.

“She’s a headache, my Ellie.” Fondness trickles out of Joel a steady stream.

“Stubborn, damn near impossible to argue with cause she’s so fuckin’ smart. Got a good heart. Good head on her shoulders too, wants to be an astronaut.”

“An astronaut?! That’s incredible!” You exclaim in brilliant excitement.

Like the proud dad he is, adoration tugs at Joel’s lips.

“Yeah, been wantin’ to be one for years. That’s why she’s going to school.”

“She sounds incredible, Joel. You must be proud.” You earnestly tell him.

“I am…” His voice is thick, and you don’t miss the way his eyes gloss over distant and misty.

You decide not to press the subject any further. He instead does it for you.

“She loved livin’ here until the damn flower festival rolled around. Then she’d swear up ‘n down about how much she hated this town and was gonna leave the second she could.”

The flower festival is just days away. The town swirls in a controlled chaos for its arrival.

You laugh warm. “I’m guessing she’s not a fan of dancing.”

“Takes after me.” Joel nods.

“Ahh…so guess that means you’re not asking anyone to dance this year.” You comment lightly and Joel snorts.

“Ain’t danced with anyone in a very long time.”

A wistful ace now twists your heart thinking of Joel alone in his home, alone watching the others in town pair off.

“You gonna ask anyone?” Joel turns the question around to you and you almost choke on an inhale.

Not wanting to get flustered or react wildly you focus on the wild springs among the lush forest.

“Uh no. Don’t think anyone wants to dance with the newbie in town. Which is fine.” You answer.

There are lovely and gorgeous people in town. Some have caught your eye. However, you didn’t feel brave or interested enough to ask anyone to dance. And no one seemed intended to ask for your hand in the dance, and you find you’re not too upset about that.

Joel hums low, a sign you’re catching on means he’s listening without having to reply much.

“Hopin’ someone will ask ya to dance?” That question takes you by surprise.

You shrug not wanting to fully answer the question either.

Someone suddenly calls out to Joel from behind. At the edge of the forest leading back into town stands Maria, the town’s legal counsel and assistant mayor.

“Caught playing hooky, busted.” You snicker and Joel scoffs.

Maria yells out Joel’s name again.

“Can you come back to town and help us with something? Thought you’d be at home seeing how it’s your day off today. I’ve been trying to call ya but nothing went through.” She yells.

The service here in the forest was awful compared to the town, a hard lesson you’ve learned quickly.

But you also don’t miss Maria’s comment.

Joel had today off. Yet he decided to stay a bit with you. That thought has teeth and you can’t stop their bite from sinking into your heart.

Joel groans but doesn't hesitate to head towards where the assistant mayor stands. Maria of course spots you and a wonderful grin lights up lovely her face.

“It’s good to see you.” She calls out.

“You too!” You reply back thankful your voice is level.

Joel glances over his shoulder to catch your eye.

“Good luck foragin’. Don’t eat any weird shit.”

You sputter out a squawk at his casual comment.

“Next time I see you, I’m giving you a wild horseradish!” You playfully snap the ridiculous reply before you can even stop yourself, but Joel thankfully rolls his eyes unbothered.

Maria’s eyes however flicker curiously between you and Joel. Too many emotions heat up your skin now. So bidding Joel and Maria a quick goodbye you stomp back into the forest to continue foraging.

Now along in the woods, your thoughts still think of Joel. The bag of parsnip seeds, the bandages, and the recipe, come to mind. You never once discussed any of it with him or him with you. It’s something you keep locked in your heart, just like today will be.

Soon the day melts into early twilight. You snag a couple of dandelions and a few other forageables before deciding to head home.

Joel’s farm house looms quietly still with no lights. You can’t bring yourself to open the gate to his farm and walk up to the house.

So instead you place a few dandelions along with a nice fresh large wild horseradish on top of the mailbox by his gate then head home.

Even when you unwind for the night, you mind still feels like it’s snagged on Joel Miller, still there with him foraging in the forest.

- ☼ -

The flower dance, as strange of a custom as it is, is rather ethereal. So many vivid floral arrangements decorate the space with dynamic colors and the air even smells fresh.

The flower dance honors the legacy of celebrating the final days of spring. But it also is a celebration of love blooming.

“It has roots dating back to fertility rituals.” Demetrius, ever the town scientist, told you while you were chatting with him and his wife.

He was right of course. The flower dance is the opportunity for someone to extend a hand of romantic feelings towards another. Those who hope to participate in the couples dance, or possibly win the crown of Flower Queen, are dressed in glorious attire. Soft light fabrics and flowers woven into crowns create a scene conjured out of a fairy’s kingdom.

Compared to the others in lovely attire with flowers in their hair, you didn’t even dress up or change out of your messy dirt covered jeans. And the only flowers in your hair are actually twigs and leaves from cleaning up more of your property.

With no need to worry about someone asking you to dance, you instead simply enjoy the various foods prepared for the occasion.

“Be careful, the salsa actually has a pretty good kick.” You’re about to go in for a second helping when a gentle accented voice floats out to you.

Besides you is a man with the kindest eyes you’ve seen. Faintly you recognize his face and can recall seeing him around town.

“Tommy Miller.” He reintroduces himself seeing your slight hesitation and your eyes go big.

“Oh, Maria’s husband!” You fully remember her introducing him to you. But now something else clicks.

He’s Joel’s brother.

“Yup.” He grins proud at his wife’s mention.

You apologize profusely for not remembering him sooner and with a kind understanding smile Tommy reassures you it’s fine.

“Been a busy first month for ya, I get it. You’re a tough cookie handlin’ it all.”

Even though his twang mirrors his brother’s, Tommy already radiates a much different energy than Joel. He’s warm in a way that reminds you of a soft summer day welcoming everyone with his vibrant energy.

You thank him earnestly. “The town’s been good to me.”

A part of you wants to add Joel has been good to you. Weeks ago, you would’ve laughed at just the idea of Joel Miller showing you an emotion other than annoyance. But now you and him seem to slowly be warming up to each other.

“Don’t go stealin’ all the good stuff, y’little shit.” Joel arrives with a gruff grumble of a voice and quickly nudges Tommy.

Yet his eyes remained glued on you.

You also seem to notice how striking Joel looks in the crisp light jean button up shirt he wears.

“Speak of the devil… was just about to ask our new farmer here if ya haven’t scared her away yet.” Tommy jokes.

Joel’s face flickers with a scowl fighting to form but he keeps himself surprisingly composed.

Guilt sinks in your gut. You know he’s hard to read and you even feel bad for thinking he’s mean. Because you’re learning fast Joel is earnest in his own way.

“Nah,” you tell Tommy, answering for yourself and Joel almost. “His sheep are actually scarier than he is.”

Tommy busts out laughing and you grin. Your eyes flicker to Joel but see he isn’t grinning. Instead Joel’s handsome aged face stares at you guarded and you can’t read the emotions shimmering in his eyes.

Shit.

You might have overstepped and upset him. So to physically stop yourself from saying anything else you take a bite out of the delicious cornbread on your plate, wave a weak goodbye to the Miller brothers, and scurry away.

Now alone under the shadow of one of the lovely cherry trees, you’re aware of how new you still are, a fresh bud still trying to foster roots in this new ground. You wonder how your gramps dealt with this every year.

Soon enough, the music starts and Mayor Lewis claps excited ready to begin the dance.

At least this will be over soon.

The couples slowly sway to the soft melody then rustling arrives at your side. Gently your eyes turn to the source and you almost collapse seeing Joel move in besides you.

His eyes though stay on the couples dancing among the blooms.

“Could’ve at least picked better music to dance to.” He mumbles bored.

Your lips press hard trying not to smile ridiculous and wide.

“Could you imagine if someone played the wrong song?” You whisper back. “Like, some heavy metal rock song suddenly started screaming out?”

Joel snorts, masks it with a few coughs, but you did it. You made him laugh.

Golden soaked triumph fills you and it feels like the first morning you woke up and found a sprout peeking up from the dark tilled soil.

He’s a complex man and you’re barely even scratching the surface of him. But it’s a tender start you want to continue kindling.

For all the commotion and production given to the festival, the dance only lasts a few moments. It’s over thankfully fast.

“Bit anticlimactic.” You mutter under your breath.

“Yeah it’s dumb.” Joel deadpans.

Your lips fight from letting out a laugh.

Everyone claps joyously at the couples concluding their dance. You wonder, even as silly as this is, if one day maybe you’ll dance with flowers in your hair. But you don’t give that thought too much attention. Just imaging yourself next spring already seems so far away.

“Headin’ home?” Joel asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You hum, narrowing your eyes at the gorgeous meadow.

“I’m kind of tempted to maybe see if I can steal some of the leftovers but yeah, I’m heading back.” You reply.

“Tell me which food you’re eyein’ and I’ll grab it. No one will tell me no.” He offers and you laugh.

“Tempting as that is, I’m just gonna go home.” You wish Joel a warm good night.

He continues walking alongside you.

Your heart jumps until you realize he lives in the same direction. The chatter from the festival still lingers in the air even while you walk further away from the meadow.

“How do you deal with that every year?” You ask with a sigh.

“Alcohol.” Joel dully answers and you snicker at his reply.

“Maybe one day you’ll be dancin’ out there.” Joel comments like he’s trying to continue the small talk. But the suggestion makes you skin itch for a reason you can’t pinpoint.

You only reply with a simple ‘maybe’ and a shrug.

“I’d pay a hundred bucks to see you dance though.” You joke, but also quickly imagine Joel a picture of softness with a flower behind his ear resting beautifully among his silver curls and it makes your knees weak.

Joel however rolls his eyes.

“Next year we’ll just sneak in and take over the music. See what happens.” You offer.

“Now that sounds like a plan.” Joel agrees gruffly.

It sounds like a promise.

You bid him good night until his eyebrows crinkle so classily grumpy Joel.

“Whadya doin’? Ain’t lettin’ ya walk home alone, sprout. Now come on.”

He continues walking as if nothing while your mind tries to recover being tilted on its axis for a bit.

Joel is walking you home.

And he called you sprout.

You want to cradle this new nickname so tenderly in your hands.

Joel quietly asks about your plans for the upcoming season, almost as if he’s trying to keep you focused.

To settle your flutter heart, you manage to ramble about the new incoming seeds you’ve heard about. You talk about your hopes of going to the beach more, not just to fish but to simply enjoy the ocean.

Among all that discussion, in a blink you’re back at your farm.

Instead of Joel rushing home, he lingers.

He checks your porch almost like he’s making sure the thing still stands.

“Hope one day to see that dang greenhouse up ‘n runnin.” He points to the broken greenhouse and you can’t help but sigh at the sight. You hope so too.

Then Joel moves to stand next to you on the land.

It feels different seeing him here.

Just a few weeks ago he was shouting every profanity known to man trying to fix your ancient water heater. He also glared at you the entire time.

Now he stands next to you suggesting on what to grow for the upcoming season.

“You could plant the tomatoes over on this side, give ‘em more shade to grow.”

Joel already reminds you of a back alley cat, one that hisses and refuses to let others near until he decides when to warm up to others. And, like a fresh new sprout, you want to soak up this warmth of him up.

“Also… Don’t forget to plant flowers.” He adds with a soft grumble.

“I won’t.” You grin impressed he remembered.

When you bid him goodnight and thank him again, you almost want to promise you’ll stop by with coffee tomorrow morning.

However that feels too much, like you might make the wrong move and spook him. But you do want to know if he makes it home okay. You can’t even bring yourself to ask him for his phone number.

So you watch Joel leave until your thoughts move fast and you blurt them out.

“Wait how will I know you made it back?”

Joel suddenly stops then glances back to you.

A very soft twinkle comes over his face and he gives you a crooked grin. It colors him with such a boyish expression. This new face of Joel feels sacred, special, and it steals your breath away.

“Hang outside for a bit. I’ll give ya sign, don’t worry.” He nods then melts into the darkness.

You stay frozen on the spot, not wanting to miss whatever it is. You wait, hoping he makes it back safe. Then out from the darkness, far down the path, you see it.

A light from Joel’s house blazes alive.

Then it flickers on and off, like someone flipping the switch a few times. The movement of it against the darkness even feels like a wave of some sorts.

You wish so badly to wave back.

Reassured that he’s home, you head back feeling as light as a feather.

Stepping onto your porch, something catches your eye.

Resting on the main railing barrier are a batch of tulips that were not there when you left.

Your heart jumps into your throat. You didn’t even see Joel place them there.

Delicately placed, the tulips so brilliantly colored sit warm and bright for you - the most beautiful end to your spring.

Though, in your heart, these blooms feel like something closer to a beginning.

[yourmomsawh0r3]

Barbecue

pairing: No Apocalypse Joel Miller x Fem! Pregnant Wife reader

summary: the miller family has gathered their family and friends to have a barbecue

The summer sun was beginning to set, casting a warm, golden glow over the Miller household. Joel and Y/N had been preparing for this barbecue for weeks, wanting everything to be perfect for their family and friends. The scent of grilled burgers and hot dogs wafted through the air, mingling with the laughter and chatter of loved ones gathered in their backyard.

Ellie and Sarah were running around the living room when the doorbell rang. They sprinted to the door, flinging it open to reveal their grandparents.

"Grandpa! Granny!" Ellie shouted, launching herself into Joel's parents' arms.

"MawMaw! Pawpaw!" Sarah followed, hugging Y/N's parents tightly.

Joel and Y/N's parents laughed, enveloping the girls in warm embraces. Joel's mom knelt down to their level. "Look at you two! Getting bigger every time we see you."

Y/N's mom gave Sarah a gentle squeeze. "How are our favorite girls doing?"

As the grandparents fussed over the girls, Joel and Y/N exchanged smiles. Joel's dad straightened up and looked at his son and daughter-in-law. "You two have done a wonderful job with this place. It's beautiful."

Y/N's dad nodded in agreement. "And how's our expecting mom doing? How close are you to being due?"

Y/N rubbed her belly, smiling warmly. "About three more months to go."

Joel's mom stepped forward, eyes twinkling. "Mind if we give the baby a little hello?"

Y/N laughed softly. "Of course not."

Both grandmothers gently placed their hands on Y/N's belly, their faces lighting up. "This is Granny here," Joel's mom said. "We can't wait for you to be here."

Y/N's mom added, "And this is Mawmaw. We're all so excited to meet you."

Ellie and Sarah watched in awe as their grandparents talked to the baby, their excitement palpable. Joel placed a hand on Y/N's shoulder, feeling a wave of love and gratitude for the family surrounding them.

"Need any help, hon?" Joel's mom asked, turning to Y/N.

"I'm alright, thank you," Y/N replied, placing a hand on her belly. "Just making sure everything's set up."

Joel's dad chuckled, "You kids have outdone yourselves. This is quite the spread."

Tommy and Maria arrived shortly after, their little one toddling around, trying to keep up with the older kids. Joel manned the grill, flipping burgers with practiced ease, while Y/N set the table with a spread of side dishes and drinks.

As the evening wore on, everyone settled down to eat. Joel made sure Y/N had a comfortable seat and plenty of food, fussing over her until she playfully swatted his hand away.

"Joel, I'm fine. Go eat," she laughed.

He kissed her cheek and went to join the others. The conversations flowed easily, filled with laughter and the occasional clink of glasses. Joel looked around, feeling a deep sense of contentment. This was what he had always wanted a loving family, good friends, and a home filled with joy.

At one point, Y/N started fanning herself with a paper plate, the heat of the southern summer getting to her. Joel noticed and quickly turned on the fan for her.

"Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were hot?" he asked, concern etched on his face.

Y/N smiled, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "Honey, we live in the South, and it’s 90° outside. I’m pretty sure everyone’s hot. But thank you, baby."

Joel grinned, kissing her on the cheek. "Anything for you."

As the night drew to a close and the last of their guests departed, Joel and Y/N saw their daughters off to bed. Ellie and Sarah were exhausted from all the excitement, and they fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

Joel returned to the living room, finding Y/N on the couch, her feet propped up. He sat down beside her, his hand instinctively going to her belly. He rubbed it gently, feeling the baby move beneath his touch.

"How's our little one doing?" he asked softly.

"Active," Y/N replied with a smile. "I think they enjoyed all the excitement today."

Joel leaned down, pressing kisses all over her belly. "Hey there, baby. Did you have a good time? We can't wait to meet you."

Y/N watched him, her heart swelling with love. "You're going to be an amazing dad again."

Joel looked up at her, his eyes filled with emotion. "And you're going to be an incredible mom. Again."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Joel's hands never leaving her belly. He continued to rub and kiss it, whispering sweet nothings to their unborn child. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, feeling completely at peace.

"I love you, Joel," she murmured.

"I love you too, Y/N," he replied, kissing her forehead. "More than you'll ever know."

As they sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, they knew that no matter what the future held, they would face it together, with their growing family by their side.

[cowgurrrl]

“I want to be great or nothing.”

Summary: When world famous rockstar Joel Miller finds himself in some hot water with the press, his PR team suggests fake dating an up and coming actress to refine his image. However, when they actually start spending time together, the happy couple can’t stand each other. Will they be able to turn it around for the cameras or will it all be for nothing?

Warnings: smut indicated with an asterisk, tlou au, fake dating, enemies to ???, Sarah is alive :D

01. Smile You’re on Camera [1.7k]

02. When The Sun Goes Down [2.6k]

03. BWFW [3.8k]

04. Kiwi [3.8k]

05. A plea for tenderness* [7.3k]

06. Blueberry Pancakes* [4.5k]

07. Losing My Cool [1.1k]

08. Never Thought [3.5k]

09. Layla [2.3k]

10. Pine Point [4.7k]

11. Old Friends Die Hard [3.6k]

12. Too Close [2.5k]

13. The Chain [2.6k]

14. From the Dining Table [4.5k]

15. Wonderfully Bizarre [1.2k]

🎸🎸🎸

Drabbles

A Soulmate Who Wasn’t Meant to Be: You settle into life without Joel

Night Shift: Joel settles into life without you

Tennessee Whiskey: A (somewhat) quiet night as you and Joel adjust to sharing life again

Thank God I Found You: You and Joel talk about going public with your relationship

Gold Dust Woman: Oscars season with Joel

The Actress: Red carpet interviews with Joel

Je te laisserai des mots: You and Joel realize forever doesn’t sound too bad

I Want To Marry You: Joel asks you The Question

Kiss Me Once, and Kiss Me Twice: You and Joel get married

Heavy Metal Drummer: When Joel’s drummer suddenly drops out, who better to fill in than the girl who’s been there since the beginning?

Just A Boy: Joel struggles with your newest cast mate

Small Bump: You tell the girls you’re pregnant

Beautiful Boy: You and Joel find out the gender of your baby

Hayloft: Joel being protective of his family

Choreomania: Sammy tries to figure out if he likes what his dad does

Brooklyn Baby: You and Joel welcome your son

Iris: Sarah and Ellie hold Sam for the first time

Hey Me, Hey Mama: Mother’s Day

Jackie and Wilson: A night in the Miller household

Little Wonders: When Mom Guilt takes over, Joel finds a way to support you

Mama’s Boy: Sam’s going through a phase

Daydream Believer: Daisy seems to know something you don’t

As It Was: You and Joel have an announcement

At Last: Sam doesn’t seem to know the difference between real life and acting

Daylight: An almost perfect Texas day with the Millers

Yo Gotti: You and Joel read thirst tweets together

Beautiful Girls: Your first night at home with your twins

Love You: Joel being the best dad to tiny baby angels

How Could I Not Love You?: A special day

Unknown: You find out Violet has asthma

I’m Still Standing: Actors on Actors: You and Carolina Garcia-Long

My Girls: The first of many Sophia and Violet days

Lucky: The girls are going through a phase

Girls On Film: Joel accidentally starts discourse

I’m Just Ken: A Halloween fashion show with the Millers

Live from New York: You and Joel take on SNL

Please Come Home for Christmas: The Christmas season with the Millers

Wildflower and Barley: Jealous joel

Bug: The BuzzFeed Puppy Interview

Salad Days: The t-shirt coup

The Millers: A Year in The Life: A documentary about your lives

So This Is Love: A Beach Day

Good Old Days: A SAG-AFTRA Career Retrospective

🎸🎸🎸

Extras 🤠

Joel and sundress season*

Dancing with Joel

Your instagram story 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

ACL with the Millers

Joel’s tattoos

You and Joel find out you’re having a baby

Your reaction to questions about kids

Family headcanons

Random thoughts 1

Random thoughts 2

Honeymoon with Joel

Actress!reader freaking out about Joel on Instagram

Talking about your relationship with Joel

Sammy Insta posts

Family instagram posts

Sophia and Violet

Birthday headcanons

What the kids do later in life

Text threads :D 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

The kids’ instagrams

Grandpa Joel

Grandpa Joel pt. 2

Instagram stories: Barbie edition

Random family thoughts

[j0elmill3r]

babygirl teaching her daughter how to say grandpa so they can surprise joel 🥹

"Sarah, baby, look at mama," You crouched down in front of your daughter, grinning back at her as she smiled at you widely. "Can you say grandpa?" You spoke the last word slowly to try and get her to follow along with your speech.

"G'a'pa!" She cheered, pleased within herself at her attempt at the very complicated word you had asked of her. You giggled, you were happy enough with her attempt, so held your hand out for her to take and help her get down from the chair. "We goin' to see him?" Sarah asked you hopefully, her wide, innocent, eyes looking up at you. You smiled as you nodded.

"Yeah, and when we see him I want you to yell out his name as loud as you can, baby, okay?" Sarah nodded, skipping along with you as you walked down the street to your dads house. You smiled softly to yourself, hearing the gentle plucking of guitar strings coming from the porch as you made your way up the side enterance steps. You looked down, hearing your daughter gasp in excitement and let go of your hand. "Sarah!" You called out after her in a futile attempt to get her attention.

"G'an'pa!" She called out, making her way to your dad, who set his guitar aside and await the imminent arrival of his granddaughter. Joel grinned, but faltered a little as he let out a groan as he bent down to pick her up and sit her on his lap. "Hi!"

"Hey, sweetheart," He greeted her, placing a small kiss on her forehead. "Where's your mama, huh?" Joel smiled as Sarah shrugged, a wide smile on her face.

"I dunno, but mama old and slow," She smiled, making Joel chuckle at the thought of your daughter thinking that you were old. "Always sayin her back sore." Sarah gave Joel a dramatic re-enactment of you cracking your back.

"Well your mama has a sore back sometimes because when you were in her tummy you were heavy on her back from carrying you," Joel explained to her. Sarah made a small 'oh' sound and nodded, smiling as you came out onto the porch, holding a cup of juice out to your dad to take for her. "Hey baby girl. You know, Sarah called you old." Your dad told you, making you laugh.

"Oh really? Well wait until she finds out how old you are, grandpa."

Joel Miller Tag list - Want to join? Fill out this form!

@mrvlxgrl @white-wolf-buckaroo @change-the-world-someday @mand1ora @sleepylunarwolf @kobiiblog @rrickgrrimes8 @wxnderingthoughts @mimi-luvzyu @mookiepookiesblog @actually-lea @tracysnook @pauphs @thefragmented @hufflepuffriver @miareadsbooks @moonwayne @auggiesolovey @space-xplosion @howlerwolfmax @delicatedinosaurperson @sammy-13 @t-stark35 @ilovereadingfanfics-blog @twkobii @homeslices @d4rno @hummusxx @amberputh @eternallyvenus @namgification @sunnysidesadie @wisecolornight @prettysbliss @twkobii @uwiuwi @katmoonz @jackierose902109 @venomsvl

[hypnotisedfireflies]

He don’t want her baby?! HER BABY?!!!!!! Make it make sense. Make it make sense. He said it with his whole chest so I’m expecting her burn down his car. Bye. BRB Joel calling my grandpa to talk shit on you.

I forgot to promo the latest chapter yesterday, but no time like the present with such a passionate comment from anon!

(Also, if Joel doesn't answer, get your grandpa to call Joel's dad because you'd better believe Luis will have a thing or to to say about this!) ANON I am screaming. <3

[soulofapatrick]

Forbidden Fruit - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Your dad’s best friend, Joel, saves you at the bar and it leads to more than either of you expected

Words: 3.4k 

Warnings: creepy guy; Joel punching someone 

Notes: Forbidden Fruit Series Masterlist

Y/N’s POV 

I knew I shouldn’t have come out tonight but it was Daisy’s birthday and I promised her I’d be here. As I slide out of the booth to get my second drink of the night I can’t help but feel a little out of place, watching them all giggling and throwing back shots like it’s water, their faces flushed from alcohol and slurring their words. I arrived late so I missed the pre-drinks which I don’t mind as I’m not much of a drinker, the sight of my weird friend group making me shake my head fondly when I make my way to the bar. 

As I order a cider, I lean against the bar and take a moment to survey the scene. The dimly lit bar is bustling with people, all talking and laughing over the sound of the jukebox in the corner. This place is very different from my usual surroundings so it’s a little overwhelming, especially when a hand touches my arm and the strong scent of beer fills my senses. 

“Hey, there beautiful.” The voice is slurred and every muscle in my body tenses as my fight or flight kicks in as this random stranger leans on the bar in front of me. My cider arrives so I take a quick sip of it, feeling a mixture of fear and annoyance as I try to ignore him. He doesn’t take my silence as a hint, even when I pull my arm away from his touch, “Playing hard to get?” His tone is quickly becoming aggressive and I’m looking around for help but no one seems to be paying enough attention to us to see how uncomfortable I am. I’m feeling trapped, like a deer in headlights as he continues to make his unwanted advances, a sense of panic rising within me. 

“Please leave me alone,” I speak finally, meeting his gaze and instantly regretting it when I realise how close he is to me. He leans closer, his face a mere few inches from mine and his breath smells sour and I can’t help but scrunch my nose in disgust. 

The man seems undeterred by my request, in fact, he seems to take it as a challenge as he leans even closer, breath damp and gross against my neck as he whispers a pick-up line in my ear, making my skin crawl, "My couch pulls out but I don’t.” I’m taking a big step back, my back hitting a familiar chest, the smell of woodsy musk mixed with burnt coffee and something citrusy has me relaxing. 

I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding when Joe’s strong and muscular are wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I feel so safe and protected, knowing that nothing can harm me with Joel around. His voice is low and dangerous as he speaks, breath ghosting my neck and leaving a trail of goosebumps over the skin. “She said to leave her alone.” 

“Shut up grandpa, she’s mine, I saw her first.” The guy sneers back, his sweaty hand gripping my wrist almost painfully. Joel’s grip tightens around my waist and I can feel the tension in his body as he speaks again, voice even lower and even more dangerous than before. 

“Let. Her. Go.” But, of course, the guy doesn’t listen and before I can even react the guy is on the floor, Joel standing above him with his chest heaving and hand still raised. The guy's grip on my hand is gone and I’m placing a gentle hand on Joel’s strong forearm making him turn his head  to see me, guilt filling those honey eyes as he lowers his fist, “Sorry sweet girl.” He’s turning around to face me properly, calloused hand moving to cup my jaw and thumb caressing my cheek softly, sending a flurry of butterflies through me. 

Joel is my dad’s best friend and seeing him so hot and with a light sheen of sweat across his skin has me leaning into his touch. He’s such a DILF and I can see my friend group watching us, giggling behind their hands and sharing glances as they look Joel up and down like he’s a slab of meat. I don’t blame them really as Joel is so fucking fine. 

He’s a ruggedly handsome man with dark and loose curls, warm honey eyes, and a strong jawline. There’s a thick, bushy beard that covers his entire jawline and chin. It's well-groomed and appears to be trimmed with a bit of length. The beard is dark brown, matching the hair on his head, and has a slightly rough texture to it, only adding to his rugged charm. His physique has featured in a lot of my late-night fantasies but who can blame me when I see him shirtless almost every day during summer? Being my dad’s best friend I get to see him almost every day and he and his younger brother and daughter are always having dinner with me and Dad. He’s muscular and chiselled except for his tummy that you can see ever so slightly against his teeshirt but it just adds to his appeal, taking some of the hard lines from him. His muscles ripple and flex when he moves and his thighs are thick, jeans hugging his body in such a way that leaves very little to the imagination. 

“Your friends are ogling sweetheart.” There’s a smirk on his lips, eyes crinkling slightly with amusement and suddenly I’m aware of how close he is to me, my mouth drying up as my eyes focus on the way he wets his bottom lip with his tongue, a small sound escaping me that he definitely hears as he’s moving closer. 

“Can you blame them?” I choke out, heats flushing a little, “You are really good-looking.” 

“You think I’m good looking hmmm?” He’s ducking his head, nose bumping mine as he leaves no space between us, his firm body pressing against mine and his other hand gripping my hip. I can feel my heart racing as his lips press against mine, stealing all the air from my lungs. His kiss is firm, yet gentle, and I can feel the warmth of his lips against mine, tasting the beer on them adding to my heightened senses. His hand on my hip leaves me feeling secure and wanted all at once, his other hand moving from my jaw to my hair. 

My friends are hollering in the background but their voices sound distant as I lose myself in the kiss. It feels like we’re the only two people in the room like time has slowed down for us. I’m acutely aware of every sensation - the way his lips move against mine, the feel of his stubble grazing my skin and the heat of his body against mine as he presses my back in the bar. It’s a long and slow kiss that leaves me feeling dizzy and breathless when he pulls away, desire in his eyes and something else. 

“Was that okay sweet girl?” His voice is low and gravelly, sending shivers down my spine as he speaks. His tone is both commanding and tender, conveying a sense of strength and vulnerability. It's a tone that exudes confidence and experience, yet also carries a hint of hesitation as if he's not quite sure how I will respond. As his hand moves from my hair back to my neck, his thumb rubbing my jaw, I can feel the roughness of his calloused skin against the softness of my skin. It's a touch that's both gentle and possessive, and it makes me feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I just nod, still trying to catch my breath, “Y-yeah, that was more than okay.” I manage to say, my voice a little shaky. I can feel my cheeks flush as I meet his gaze, eyes flickering over his handsome face and settling on his beard. It’s scruffy and unkempt but somehow still suits him perfectly. I’m reaching up and scratching my fingers through it lightly without thinking, feeling the coarse hair under my fingertips, “I like your beard.” I murmur, voice barely above a whisper.

He chuckles softly, a low rumble in his chest that I can feel against my own, “Yeah? I was thinking of shaving it off actually.” There’s amusement in his tone 

I’m shaking my head, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips, “No, don’t! I like it. It makes you look… rugged.” 

His smile morphs into a grin, eyes sparking with amusement, one eyebrow raised, “Rugged, huh? I’ll have to remember that.” I just hum in response, eyes flickering to the guy still passed out a few bar stools away and Joel follows my gaze, his hands tightening on my hips, “You want me to take you home sweet girl?” 

“Not home.” I shake my head, knowing my dad would never let me go out again if he finds out what happened, “Can I come to yours?”

Joel’s nodding, a small smirk on his lips, “Sure thing, baby doll.” He’s letting go of my hip to interlock our fingers and I’m being led back over to my friends who are staring in almost disbelief at me and Joel. Of course, Daisy has no filter being this drunk, jumping up and pulling me into an unsteady hug that rips my hand from Joel’s. She smells like alcohol and I feel back leaving her but she doesn’t seem to mind, whispering in my ear that I need to tell her everything about how the neighbourhood DILF is in bed. It has me spluttering a choked laugh as she pulls away, too drunk to know she’s not whispering but yelling. Then she’s pushing me towards Clemmie, Sadie, and Hazel who all hug me goodbye and whisper-shout variations of the same thing Daisy said before I’m moving back to Joel’s side and taking his hand again. 

“Neighbourhood DILF?” Joel’s asking once we get outside, the night air hitting me and making me shiver a little, “So, you gonna tell me what a DILF is sweet girl?”

“I’d rather not.” I’m choking out, blushing a little as he squeezes my hand, sending me a quizzical look as he tugs me lightly in the direction of his car. He unlocks the doors and opens the passenger side for me, gesturing for me to get in and I think my heart swells as he is ever the gentleman as I slide in, feeling somewhat self-conscious under his gaze. He’s studying me for a moment before closing the door and walking around the driver's side. He gets in the driver's side, starts the car, and pulls out of the parking lot, and I can’t help but feel a sense of nervousness and excitement. I kissed Joel, my dad’s best friend, and I’m going to be sleeping over at his. I’ve stayed at his plenty of times but this time feels a little different as Joel’s hand moves to settle on my thigh as he drives, an act that seems to be done subconsciously but has butterflies erupting in my stomach. 

I’m glancing down at his hand, feeling the head of his touch through the fabric of my jeans, and then back up at him, my heart pounding in my chest. I still can’t quite believe this is happening, that I’m in Joel’s car and that he’s touching me like this. It’s all so surreal but at the same time feels so damn right as we sit in comfortable silence for a while. The only sound is the hum of the engine and the occasional shift of gears and I’m acutely aware of Joel’s fingers flexing against my skin every so often, both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. 

Finally, we pull up to Joel’s house and he’s switching the engine off before turning to me in his seat, gaze intense, “So, what’s a DILF?” 

“No, nope, not-“ His large hand grips my wrist before I can move to open the car door, curiosity on his face as he sees the blush and shyness on mine, those enthralling eyes narrowing as he raises an eyebrow and I’m blurting it our, “Dad I’d Like to Fuck.” 

He lets out a spluttered sound before suddenly I’m being lifted over the seats and straight onto his lap, my legs settling on either side of his thick thighs as he grips my jaw in his large and calloused hands, asking in a low and husky tone, “Do you think I’m a DILF?” 

“Have done for quite a while now.” My hand slams over my mouth in surprise at how easily that slipped out and he’s grinning like the cat that got the cream, prying my hand from my mouth. He’s grinning as he pulls me closer to him, lips brushing mine teasingly before he kisses me properly. His lips move against mine, teasing and coaxing, before deepening the kiss. His other hand is on my lower back, slipping under my sweater to splay across my skin as he pulls me closer to him and his tongue slides into my mouth, exploring and tasting every inch. The car is filled with the sounds of kissing and heavy breaths as he leaves me breathless. 

He’s pulling away with a smirk, “Let’s not rush this sweet girl,” I can feel the heat rising as I nod, trying to catch my breath as my fingers play with the soft tufts of hair at the nape of his neck. My eyes fall back to his lips, wetting my own with my tongue as I know that now I’ve had a taste I’m not gonna be able to not kiss him and he notices, a light rumble of a laugh in his chest as he breathes out, “One more kiss.” Before he’s tangling a hand in my hair and pulling me into an almost bruising kiss. It’s intense and passionate, with Joel's tongue expertly exploring every inch of my mouth while his hand remains tangled in my hair, pulling me closer to him. I can feel the heat between us, our bodies pressed tightly together, and my hands roaming over his muscular shoulders and chest. It's a moment of pure desire, and I feel myself getting lost in the sensation of his touch. 

When we finally break apart, gasping for breath, Joel opens the driver's door and helps me off his lap and out of the car before following suit. His hand finds the back pocket of my jeans as he locks his car behind us and leads me to his front door, unlocking it and leading me inside. As soon as we step inside, Joel kicks off his shoes and I do the same before he’s pulling me into another kiss. This time, it’s slower and more tender, and I can feel myself melting into his embrace. His hands sliding down my back and settling on my hips, pulling me closer to him as our tongues dance together in a passionate tango.

 A soft sound leaves my throat when he breaks the kiss, looking at me with such an intensity that I feel my knees go weak, ‘God, you’re so beautiful. What would your daddy think if he found out you were here with me like this?” He murmurs, voice low and husky. My cheeks flush at the thought of it all and he’s leading me to the living room where he settles on the couch and suddenly I’m in his lap again, “Can’t get enough of you, sweet girl,” His forehead rests against mine and his eyes slip shut as if he’s fighting something, “This is so wrong, you’re best friends little girl-“ 

“I’m twenty-four.” I protest but he runs his thumb over my bottom lip, silencing me, and my breath hitches. 

“And I’m thirty-eight, ” He moves his mouth to my neck, body betraying his mind, “That’s fourteen years doll.” 

“Joel,” I grab his face and make him look at me, feeling the coarse hair of his beard under my palms and make sure his honey eyes are on mine before I speak, his hand still gripping my jaw and thumb close to my lip, “I am a grown adult who can make my own decisions and I have like your for forever.” 

Joel’s expression softens at my words and he leans in to place a soft kiss on my lips, free arm moving to wrap around my waist, “I know sweet girl,” He murmurs, “But I can’t help but feel like I’m taking advantage of you.” 

I’m shaking my head, caressing his cheek and he leans into the touch, “You’re not,” I reassure him, “I want this too, Joel. I want you.” He smiles at me, his eyes alight with something I can’t quite decipher, before he’s leaning in to capture my lips in another soft kiss. The lust and desire fading into something sweeter and more caring. It’s tender and slow, his lips moving gently against mine. His hand still cradles my jaw and I can feel the rough pad of his thumb brushing over my cheek. It’s a kiss that speaks of deeper feelings and emotions, a connection between two people who have known each other for a long time. The heat and passion of earlier are replaced with a softer, more intimate feeling and I can feel myself melting into him as we kiss. 

Joel’s pulling away from the embrace, “Come on, it’s late.” His voice is soft as he stands, letting me slip to my feet and he’s capturing my hand in his before he’s tugging me towards the stairs. As we walk, I can feel my heart racing with anticipation and nervousness, not sure of what’s gonna happen next when he hit the landing. He’s turning to me, “The spare room is made up for you…” His voice trails off when h feels how tightly I’m gripping his hand and how hesitant I am to let go of him, “Alright, you can stay with me, sweet girl. Anything you’re comfortable with.” 

Relieved, I’m nodding and follow Joel to his room, feeling a rush of excitement at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as him. He’s gesturing for me to sit on the edge of his bed as he rummages through his drawers, searching for something before coming back over with a teeshirt for me. He silently moves back to the other side of the room to strip down to his boxers and he keeps his back to me while I shimmy off my jeans, sweater, and bra before pulling on the shirt he gave me. It smells of him: burnt coffee mixed with his woodsy cologne and something citrusy like oranges and it’s intoxicating. 

Joel’s crawling into bed, the mattress dipping under his weight as he reaches over to wrap those strong arms around me and yank me onto the sofa mattress beside him with a shriek of surprise. The heat from his bare skin seeps through the fabric of his shirt and his chest hair tickles my cheek as he nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck. I can feel the tension in his body as he pulls me closer, almost as if he’s holding on for dear life and I just snuggle closer to him despite the worry building up in my chest that he’ll wake up with the regret of all this. I’m turning my head to look at him, but his eyes are closed and his breathing is even as if he's already fallen asleep. I chew on my lip, trying to calm my racing thoughts and assure myself that everything will be okay. After a few minutes of laying in silence, I finally allow myself to relax and fall asleep in his warm embrace as I will face tomorrow when tomorrow arrives, for now, I can just let myself have this moment.

----------------

Part Two ⇢ A Moment of Clarity

The Last of Us Masterlist

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[astro-ellie]

what style do you think modern abby dina and ellie would have? ♡♡♡♡

i honestly think ellie would have the same style that she has in tlou2. flannels and a little bit of a grandpa style (thinking about her rocking joel’s jacket) kind off… sunky core y’know. always uses converse no matter the season, has a pair of black headphones she takes with her everywhere with a bunch of stickers on. she wears a lot of rings and bracelets, and she has a signature necklace with joel’s old guitar pick. i think she’d like green a lot, and her room would be be filled with plants and those plastic plant vines you can hang on your wall/from your roof. nerdy posters all over her walls, with planets and dinosaurs and nerd stuff. starts getting patchwork tattoos as she gets older, many of them designed by herself, a few professional and a few stick’n’pokes.

as for dina i headcanon her as someone who would be enrolled in a billion different dance classes so she uses clothes that she can dance in, and that looks good dancing in. i think dina wears a lot of darker shades of red, and that she likes to wear long flowy skirts. i also see dina with a lot of piercings in her ears. she can keep earrings in while dancing, and they’re more comfortable to dance with than the most necklaces and bracelets. also think she’d like floral patterns and stuff on her clothes. also think dina would keep her hair down more often, and every once in a while she’d show up with some crazy coloured highlights in her hair. hot pink, blue, hell she even tried green once. in general she likes colours and don’t like dressing too plain.

abby is a total gym rat. mostly wears vintage/plain t-shirts that show of her biceps, likes to wear cargo pants or sweatpants. when it’s warm abby wears knee length gym shorts or jorts. abby always has her airpods in wherever she goes. mostly wear her hair in a braid or ponytail cause it’s easier when playing sports or working out. has a varsity jacket (obviously she plays whatever sport the university she goes to is the best at, volleyball, basketball, american football, football.) abby is a nike girl everyday of the week, and strictly wears airforce ones when she isn’t in the gym or on the (insert sport here)’s field. rarely wears jewellery because she would have to take them out all the time for her sport, but does have one earring on each ear . i can see her with very simple gold studs that her dad got her years ago. will walk around with her girlfriends scrunchie on the wrist at all times

[galaxyedging]

Cold Meds Musings

Emotions and smutty under the cut:

Joel Miller

Joel sat handling the carved wood with a delicate touch that betrayed the size of his fingers. The ornate bird whistle was complete, except for a coat of paint but he knew the recipient would love to do that.

As Joel ran his fingertips over the wood, he reflected on the journey that had led him to lay down root in Jackson. His trip down memory lane was cut short by the sound of hurried foot steps above. Another memory rose. One from a time when his daughter's feet were so tiny that they made the same sound over head. Joel's heart clenched at it. His little girl was long gone.

The foot steps turned and grew louder as their owners races his way. Voices added to the noise as they came into view.

"Uncle Joel!" "Grandpa!"

Two beautiful, curly haired, doe eyed children attached themselves to either leg as he stood from his stool to greet them. "Oooft. Hey, kids. Has the party started yet?"

"No, Uncle Tommy told me to come get you. Mom just came back from the store. I asked them to tell me what the party was for and they told me to ask you." Joel's granddaughter looked up at him with a face he hadn't seen for a while. Sarah used to use the same one on him.

Speaking of things Sarah does, he could imagine her grinning up a storm with Tommy as they past this task onto him.

"Well, baby girl, a long time ago, some people got real sick, real quick...."

"That rhymes Uncle Joel." Tommy's son gave him as much shit as his old man did.

"Yeah, I know." Joel smiles. "Anyway, those people could have gotten the whole world sick, so a brave doctor, Doctor Pertiwi, came up with a way to stop it. By some miracle, it worked, and we were all saved."

"Why was she brave, Grandpa? That's what Doctors do, help people." This one was even sharper than Sarah at her age.

"The way she found...it meant that her and people she loved had to...well, they gave up their lives to save us, honey."

"Oh. Like Uncle Tommy's soilder friends?"

"Excactly." Joel sighed in relief.

"Dad? Dad, you down here?" Sarah's voice barely proceeded her down the basement stairs.

"I'm here. I'm comin'. I just seem to have some trouble walkin' for some reason." Joel grunts as he drags his legs with two amused children clinging on tight.

"Come on, you two." Sarah chases the kids ahead of her before stopping to turn to Joel. "I almost forgot! Happy birthday, Dad."

Thought: What if the outbreak was contained?

Dieter Bravo

"Bola! You have to help me." Dieter's ratty bathrobe swished behind him. Leaving him looking like an unhinged superhero as he ran the halls of the mansion looking for someone to help him. Unfortunately, he didn't possess super speed, or in his Crocs, the regular speed needed to catch Bola as he slipped through the door at the end of the long corridor.

Like the steady beeping in Alien, the click of high heels on solid wood flooring alerts him that his adversary is near. He shouldn't think of her like that. She isn't the enemy, his cock's Pavlovian response to her is. He should just say no, but he is far too weak to.

Before he sees her round the corner, he hears the sound of her riding crop smacking the leather of her thigh-high boots. His cock leaks at the thought of what she can do with that crop.

"Curse your sudden but inevitable betray!" Dieter berates his wayward nether regions.

"There you are!" A crimson smile spread across her beautiful face as she makes her way towards him.

Backed into a corner, all Dieter can do is try to talk his way out. He's good at that. He's studied human behaviour for years, and he has always excelled at improve. He opens his mouth to tell her that, as much as he is enjoying their time together, he is afraid that he cock might actually fall off at this rate. All that comes out of his mouth is a whine as she latches on to his pulse point and sucks.

"I was afraid that you were avoiding me. Now, be honest, Dieter, do you want to have sex with me?"

"Oh, God, yes." He moans while he tongue traces the ropes of his neck.

"Good, because Momma has a wide on and she needs you to fill it." With a short sharp slap of her crop to his balls, she's off to her room.

Dieter makes a silent pray for the safety of his cock before kicking his less than aerodynamic footwear off to chase her down the hall.

Thought: What if Dieter was locked down with someone hornier than him?

[kkcauseway]

Upgrade To Grandpa

Summary: Sarah survives that fateful day and so she and Joel are happy in Jackson surrounded by family. She has been feeling off for a little while and so goes to get checked, its there she finds she's pregnant. Aged 22 and having recently lost her boyfriend she needs her family around to support her and they do just that. Content and warnings: Tw-depictions of childbirth, brief mention of sickness. So much family fluff, Caring!Joel, Parent!Joel, Joel being the best dad/ grandad imaginable. Word count: 4.4K Authors note: Okay so I was so excited the entire time I was writing this! Like it honestly makes me happy writing about Grandpa Joel. I really really hope you enjoy this. 🩷

After missing her period for three months in a row, firstly expecting it’s due to stress and then grief, Sarah finds herself at Jackson’s doctor with Maria in tow for support. It’s there she finds out that she’s pregnant, she cries for a long time having just lost her boyfriend; killed in an ambush a few weeks prior. She’s definitely happy about it to an extent, but what sort of life is this child going to have, Jackson’s safe, probably the safest place on earth but anything could happen. That thought is always in the back of her mind, even though she berates herself for ever thinking it. However, having a piece of Sam with her forever in her child is somewhat a blessing. Is 22 too young to have a baby, especially alone? Her dad, did it? Her mind’s constantly jumping with questions, fears, even regrets. How is she going to cope with all this?

After having a long talk with Maria, once she’s calmed down from the initial shock of news, she decides on telling her dad that night. ‘Just bite the bullet and get it over with’ Maria encourages; she knows Sarah doesn’t need the extra stress that keeping a secret like this would entail. And it’s not like anyone was going to be mad she’s an adult, but she’s still scared of disappointing her dad.

“Daddy you’re gonna be so mad at me…” is how the conversation begins. And it ends with ‘Baby I’ll always support you; nothin’ would ever make me turn my back on you, ever, I love you forever, that will never change, I’m happy s’long as you’re happy.’ And she is happy, -well since the initial shock of the fact she’s growing another life inside of her blew over that is. He gives her a long hug at the end of their chat.

Her dad, Tommy and Maria have been there for her all the way through her pregnancy. Anyone would think they’re more excited than she is. Tommy and Joel especially dote over her and the bump, and as soon as she started showing she wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do anything. They’re always adamant on her resting, and them doing the jobs she needs to do for her. Does she listen hell no! It’s boring being sat around all day; she may not have been going out on patrols, but there’s enough to do around town to keep her occupied. It’s only when she’s near full term that she agrees to ‘light duties only’ if she refuses rest.

It’s a cool December’s afternoon, she’s at the stables with Tommy helping him to brush the horses. She’s been feeling off since the night before, so Joel demanded ‘no lifting and no excessive exercise’ if she refused to stay home, which she did. She’s feeling a little off, not incapable of any and all activity, and so brushing the horses under the supervision of her Uncle it is. She loves them, and they help her to feel at ease; nobody could be mad at her for that.

They’re down to the last four mares when Sarah feels some pressure below and something of a small gush. Did her water just break? When she feels a second small rush of liquid accompanied by a spasm in her back, she’s sure.

It’s starting…

“Erm Uncle Tommy” Sarah breaks the comfortable silence between them as she puts the brush down on the nearest surface she can find. Holding the underside of her belly with her free hand.

“What is it, Babygirl?” he looks up to her over the horse he’s brushing.

“I think… I’m pretty sure my water just broke”.

“Ha ha good one”

“No Uncle Tommy I’m serious, I definitely felt something, and I know for sure I didn’t pee myself”.

Tommy throws his brush down and races over to her. He automatically goes into panic mode on seeing the wet patch of her trousers. Sarah actually has to calm him down before they can go about doing anything about the current situation.

“Tommy it’s okay it’s just my waters, I’m okay it’s not like the baby is just going fall out we have so much time. First babies take forever we read all about this. Let’s just put these horses away and then we’ll walk back home, okay?”

“Are you sure? Cus we can just go back now. Fuck the horses.”

“Tommy I’m okay, promise”. She laughs.

Once the horses are tied back up- Sarah isn’t allowed to help, she’s told ‘to sit her ass down and look pretty’ whilst her Uncle rushes to finish the current task- they get ready for the walk home.

“Right Babygirl, let’s get you home.” He says walking back over to her. He holds his hands out to her, and she takes them gladly, pulling herself up. Tommy zips her coat all the way up before linking arms with his niece, they then begin the slow walk back to the house. Snow is falling, it’s a pretty sentimental moment.

“How you feeling Sar?” he quizzes softly.

“Uncle Tommy I’m okay”.

“Are you sure?” his words catch in his throat slightly.

“Are you just gonna keep asking me?” she asks with a soft chuckle.

“Heck yeah I am!”

“You’re funny” she pats Tommy’s arm as she laughs.

“Ah, I know” he laughs with her “So, y’think them pains and the way y’been feelin’ was to do with labour then?”

“Early labour probably, I dunno, but I’m glad I stayed active this morning, couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck in bed.”

“Bed is what y’needed girl”.

“God how did I just KNOW that’s what you were gonna say, stop sounding so much like dad you’re supposed to be the cool one”. She pulls a face at him.

“Listen I am the cool one, but you’re in labour I cannot be cool right now, it’s taking everythin’ in me not to run around like a fuckin’ headless chicken t’ask anyone and everyone I can see f’help.”

“Jeez you drama queen. Never thought a baby would turn you into such a wimp”.

“I ain’t no wimp”

“Mmm you sure about that?”

“Super sure,” but he couldn’t sound less sure if he tried.

They continue on the walk, snow crunching underfoot when a wave of pain overcomes Sarah, she tries to walk through it, but Tommy can feel the tightening of her arm on his and he sees the way her expression begins to change. He makes her stop then and turns to look at her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“You’re okay darlin’ just breathe, okay?” She nods as she exhales looking him in the eye. “Good then, y’got this.”

Sarah takes deep breaths in and out. The pain not being too bad to manage yet. But she knows what’s to come and that’s what panics her. She can’t handle this. She’s not ready for this. Her breathing begins to speed up, but not because of the pain.

“Uncle Tommy I can’t do this, I’m not ready, I’m not ready to be a mom. I’m not ready yet.” She looks down in teary eyed shame to her bump as she gasps.

“Babygirl” he grabs her chin softly, raising it so she has to look him in the eye “you’re so ready, so so ready, we’ve been preparing for so long now. And you’re so excited for this so don’t go getting scared now. You’re going to meet your baby! After all of this time waitin’ an plannin’, you’re finally gonna meet them! It’s excitin’!” Thankfully, Tommy manages to bring a smile to her face, and with the pain completely gone they can continue walking.

They eventually make it to the front door; Tommy knocks rather frantically which of course is gonna scare the shit out of Joel.

“There’s no need to knock like that, he’s gonna think someone’s died.” She scoffs as they turn their heads to look at one another.

“Meh, play with his head a lil, give him some excitement.” He jests cocking his brow at her.

“Listen Dad’s gonna have more than enough excitement, anger and literally any other emotion you can think of thrown at him till this baby is born he don’t need you starting him off.”

“Sorry mommmm” he utters in exaggeration rolling his eyes.

“Shut up” she says hitting his side with a smile.

Joel doesn’t answer, but the lights on inside prove he’s home, meaning he’s probably too busy focusing on his latest woodwork project in the back and can’t hear them or he’s sat on the back porch with his guitar in hand. Something like that, curse his bad ear.

“Let’s see if we can get in round the back gate, your dad’s so deaf I swear”.

“Hey.” She hits him softly. “The man has been shot at and shot more guns than literally anyone else I know at least he has reason.”

“Nah he’s just an old fart.”

“Well, that still makes you the old farts younger brother, the younger fart”.

“Aha you’re sooo funny.” He remarks sarcastically.

“Runs in the genes so thanks I know I am.” She smiles, before shivering slightly. Tommy notices.

“Right, come on sweet girl let’s get you in the warm. S’freezing out here.” Tommy sighs.

He guides her round to the back gate of the house.

“Joel y’here?” He shouts, letting go of Sarah to open the gate leading to the back of the house. Once open they make their way through. He’s not on the back porch and on trying the back door evidently because Joel’s home, it’s unlocked. Yet Joel is nowhere to be seen.

“M’gonna get some water.” Sarah says solemnly, waddling to the sink once they’ve made their way inside.

“Sure, I’m gonna go upstairs n’find your dad, he must be there.”

“Okay. Just, don’t panic him please.” She smiles at him sadly as she makes her way over to the cupboards.

“Promise.” It’s said with sincerity.

Tommy makes his way upstairs and finds Joel exactly where he expects to, whittling away in his woodworking room. Vinyl player playing softly next to him. Completely in his element. Tommy knocks on the open door as he walks into the room.

He looks over his shoulder “Oh, hey Tommy” he begins swiveling round on his chair to face him. “You’re back early, everythin’ okay?”

“You promise me you’ll stay calm?”

His face falls instantly “Tommy what is it? Where’s Sarah, she okay?” he reaches behind him to put his latest creation down, before crossing his arms.

“You gotta promise me” he puts his hand up in front of him, and that’s when Joel realises how serious it is.

He sighs “okay fine, I promise” and with that he sits up straighter, bracing himself.

“Sarah’s water broke,” Joel’s eyes bug but he doesn’t say or do anything as Tommy continues “I think she’s real scared, she’s tryna act brave, but she’s scared”.

After a few seconds of processing the news his breathing speeds up as he brushes a palm over his face. “Shit Tommy her water, you’re sure?”

“She seems pretty certain. It’s time.”

“Shit.” It’s a whisper as he rakes his hands through his hair.

“We’ve gotta stay calm, I can tell how scared she is”.

“You’re askin’ an awful lot of me there Tommy, she’s my lil girl.” He laughs nervously as he stands from his chair, pacing.

“I know, but that’s also gonna go in y’favour, you always know how t’calm her down, so just be yourself, you can let the panic out when it’s all over.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He looks behind Tommy to the landing then, knowing his daughter is in labour down those stairs. Panic evident on his face.

“Joel she’s gonna be great. She’s got”- he’s interrupted by a glass breaking.

Instantly reacting they’re both quick to run down the stairs.

“Sarah! You okay?!” Joel shouts as he scrambles his way into the kitchen. Almost tripping over where Sarah has left her shoes, right in the damn middle of the floor like usual, he takes a mental note to tell her off about that later.

They find her gripping onto the worktop hard; Joel runs straight to her rubbing her back. “You’re okay babygirl just breathe; you’re doin’ so good”.

“It hurts Daddy!” She cries.

“I know Baby but you’re doin’ so good. You just remember t’breathe through it like we read about, in an out, good, in for four, hold, out for six. Calm it right down that’s it.”

Sarah lets out a shuddering breath as the pain begins to deplete. “I am not lookin’ forward to how this is gonna carry on” she says as she stands up straighter.

“Don’t move Baby” Tommy says softly, “you’ll cut yourself on the glass, just stay still and let me clean this up.”

“M’sorry I broke it.”

“Joel, sort your daughter out, fuckin’ apologisin’ when she’s got nothin’ to apologise for.” He shakes his head scoffing as he bends down dustpan and brush in hand to clean up the glass.

🌷🌷🌷🌷

After about an hour Jackson’s midwife Alison makes her way over to their house to check in, it seems the beginnings of labour are really taking their time. It’s like they always say first babies take their sweet time. Sarah’s warned that it’s ‘gonna be a long one’.

The next few hours are spent with them finding any way they can to entertain Sarah. Games of cards, they manage to get an old DVD player working and watch a classic, heck her and Maria even bake some cookies. Well, more they TRY to bake cookies, its Mainly Maria with the slightest input from Sarah when she’s not in agony. Anything to distract her from what’s to come.

The fresh batch of cookies make everyone’s mouths water. And Sarah eats four before any of the rest of them have finished one. Usually they’d tell her it’s too much too fast, that she’ll make herself sick, but anything to keep her strength up. She needs all the energy she can get even if that is helped by a sugar rush induced by freshly baked cookies.

When the pains begin to get worse, but it’s obvious it’s still going to be a long time until baby comes, they use exercise to try to move it along.

Tommy and Maria stay behind to help set the room up ready for when Sarah is ready to give birth, and Joel and Sarah decide on a walk. Joel helps to wrap her up warm, layers and layers so she will be comfortable. They take it slow walking the dark snowy streets of Jackson, lit up by strings of lights, stopping with each pain that hits.

“Oh Babygirl, what are we gonna do with you. Forever scarin’ the shit outa me.” He laughs shaking his head.

“Oh, I apologise that the birth of your grandchild is such an inconvenience.” She laughs back.

“Hey, no you take that back, m’only jokin’.” He’s serious.

“Jeez dad so am I, God you really are on edge.”

“You bet your fuckin’ ass I am. Takes me right back t’the day you were born.”

She sighs solemnly “Was it awful?”

“Mmm, well it was awful watchin’ your mom in pain especially when there weren’t much that I could do t’help. I felt more like a nuisance than anythin’, but when it was all over, I’d never been so happy.”

“You and me against the world huh Daddy?”

“Babygirl, when I first held you in my arms I couldn’t stop cryin’, shit I was just a kid myself, I didn’t know what I was doin’, but from that day onwards I vowed t’always be the best version of myself f’you.”

“You’ve always been so amazin’.” She smiles at him cuddling into his side much harder as his arm tightens round her even more.

“You had so much hair, god I’ll never forget thinkin’ I’ve never seen a baby with so much hair, and your tiny little hands and feet, you just really were perfection. The definition of perfection was born that day. My beautiful Babygirl. I knew from that day on that everythin’ was gonna be okay, I vowed t’work so hard to give you the best life I could, and I know we weren’t rich, and obviously your momma decided she couldn’t cope, but I always tried to keep you happy, this end of the world bullshit makes me feel like I failed but-”

“No stop- I was always the happiest child; you don’t have to worry about failin’ me. I’ve always been so happy because of you. Even with the end of the world and everythin’ else we stayed together; we grew together. Honestly dad if I’m half the parent to this one than you’ve been for me, they’ll never want for anythin’!” she rubs her stomach as she briefly looks down to her bump.

“Oh, Baby you have no idea how happy it makes me feel hearin’ that.” He says his voice breaking as he evidently tries to hold back tears.

“Dad don’t cry cus you’ll make me cry.” They look to each other briefly and Sarah being so up and down hormonally, breaks at the sight of her teary-eyed father, which then sets him off too. They stop in the middle of the street to embrace. Before they both burst out laughing tears still streaming.

“Whew, emotions really are high tonight.” Joel laughs.

Sarah goes to reply but is sidetracked by a really bad pain. Instead, she leans into her dads shoulder as she groans through it. She’s grown to be very vocal as times dragged on, which Joel knows means she’s progressing as she should, but he hates everything about having to watch her go through it. He reaches to try to push on the bottom of her back, whispering to her to keep breathing and reminding her of how good she’s doing.

She eventually lets out a long breath standing straight. “I just want them to come out now. I can’t take much more of this” she groans sadly.

“I know babygirl I know; they’re comin’ I promise. First babies always take their time, but it’s almost over. N’hey listen Sam would be so proud of you, you know that? He was a good kid. Y’know I never liked him at first, but he really grew on me, he was a good man to you, and I respect him so much for that. He’s gonna be lookin’ down on you so so proud” he whispers.

“I miss him, I wish he was here to help me” she begins softly crying again as the words leave her.

“Shhh, I know you’re scared; I know you feel unprepared trust me I felt the same, and in a way you’re never really ready, you just learn as you do. You’ll be an expert in no time babygirl. You’re a natural anyways, always have been with your dolls when you were younger, n’you’re amazing when you help out in the nursery. Everyone says so. So, there’s none of this ‘I can’t do this’ ‘m’not ready’ because you’re so ready. Plus, this walkin’ will really help trust me and when we get back Alison already said she’ll check you t’see how far along you are, as it’s been a while, I’m sure it won’t be too much longer now.”

“I really hope so, I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“You got this Baby.” He kisses the top of her head before they link arms again and carry on walking back to the house.

🌷🌷🌷🌷

It’s another two hours till she gets to the point where she can push. They set the living room up for her ready, and she opts on squatting before the sofa as she finds that is the most comfortable position. Alison is on the floor watching between her legs waiting for the signs she can begin to push; ready to catch. Maria next to her on the floor in awe rubbing at Sarah’s lower back so that Tommy and Joel can sit on the sofa either side of her, both holding one of her hands. Unable to see anything more than her face which is just as she wants it to be.

“I feel sick.” She whimpers when in position just having got through another contraction, her breathing erratic. It’s clear she’s panicking about it.

“There’s a bin here ready just in case.” Maria reassures.

“A lot of ladies feel sick or even throw up when they’re in labour, it’s okay don’t be worried; all perfectly normal.” Alison states rubbing a hand up one of her legs. She seems to relax at those words, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Can I have some more water please?” she asks to no one in particular.

“Here baby.” Joel is quick to grab a glass of water from the side. She sits back on her heels releasing both hands she’s holding to take a large swig from the glass.

“Ugh.” She grimaces as she swallows, handing the glass back to her dad. “That’s made me feel worse, I thought it might help.” She moans rubbing a hand against her bump the baby obviously kicking her.

“I’m sure it has helped baby y’bodys just goin’ through so much right now s’finding it hard, you’re fine babygirl trust me.” He smiles at her whilst stroking her cheek.

She nods then briefly smiling at her dad before moaning as another pain begins. She quickly grabs both hands back and sways in her squatting position.

-

When she gets the all clear to push, she gives it absolutely everything she’s got, desperate for it all to be over now so she can finally meet her baby.

“Come on babygirl!” Joel shouts as Tommy and Maria simultaneously shout “You got this!” “Go girl!”

Alison counts to ten and at ten Sarah lets out a large gasp.

When she’s able to get her breath back enough to speak before the next contraction she adds “No one tell me what it is, okay? I wana see for myself when they’re in my arms.”

“That’s fine sweetie we can do that no problem, you can be the one to announce it okay?” Alison utters.

She begins nodding, but the next pain takes over and Sarah switches right back into the pushing mindset, going completely silent as she pushes and pushes. Finally releasing her breath with a gasp.

“One more and the head will be out Sarah come on, baby is nearly here!” Alison cheers from below her.

“Come on one more baby and the worst is over!” Joel reassures.

Eyes moving upwards “promise?” she looks pleadingly to her dad.

“Yeah Baby, heads the worst part, the baby will be out before you know it after that.”

“Oh thank god.”

“Push with all you’ve got on this next pain! They’re almost here!” Alison enthuses.

When the next contraction begins Sarah screams the house down as she pushes, squeezing her dad and uncle’s hands to death. She feels the head pop out and Alison requests that she pants.

“Can- can- fuck- is it okay if I feel?” Sarah requests frantically between pants.

“Sure!” Alison enthuses.

She releases her dad’s hand to feel her baby’s head. Gasping at first touch “is- is that hair?” she questions.

“Yup, and they’ve got a hell of a lot of it!” Alison exclaims.

“That’s just like you Baby.” Joel utters causing Sarah to look into his eyes. She smiles at him, and he smiles back. “Now gimme your hand back so you’re ready to push again.”

“No Daddy, my hands gross now.”

“I don’t care come on I’m supposed to be supportin’ you.”

She seems hesitant but when the next contraction gets into full swing, she throws her hand back at her dad and pushes. She takes a quick breath in and is advised to push again. With that final push the baby leaves her body, and she relaxes instantly.

“Good well-done Sarah! They’re gorgeous!” she exclaims as she begins wiping the screaming babies face with a clean towel.  “Let’s get this cord cut so you can sit back nice and covered up whilst we wait for the afterbirth, okay? Then everyone can meet this beautiful baby.”

With the cord having turned white she cuts it, and Sarah carefully moves so her back is against the sofa and Maria carefully picks up the swaddled baby and places them in her arms. Alison places a sheet over her knees so she can focus on getting the afterbirth out without anyone having to see.

“Well, what have we got?” Joel whispers leaning over his daughters shoulder to coo at his beautiful grandchild screaming softly swaddled in the towel.

Sarah opens up the towel to investigate letting out a wet chuckle at her findings. “It’s a girl!” she announces excitedly.

“A girl!” Joel replies wetly, unable to stop the tears that begin to flow.

Joel is absolutely besotted. Unable to tare his eyes away from the content little bundle in his daughter’s arms. She’s a mom now, his baby is a mom, his baby has a baby.

“God she’s just so beautiful Baby. Looks so much like you did too. You’ve made me so proud” he praises softly.

“I can’t believe I did it.” She murmurs softly not taking her eyes off her daughter as she strokes a finger over the fist of her daughter.

“You did amazin’.” Tommy praises. “S’like a trip down memory lane aint it, God she could be your twin Sarah aint that right big brother?”

“Absolutely.” Joel agrees.

She turns her gaze to her uncle. Then she looks to her dad. “I’m sorry if I killed your hands.”

“Nah none of that.” Tommy quicky shuts her down.

“She’s so beautiful.” Joel coos bringing a finger to stroke over his now silent and content granddaughters tiny foot.

“You wana hold her?” Sarah whispers questioning her dad as she watches the way he loves her already from his delicate touch.

“Please.”

“Maria can you-?” she begins but Maria is already moving “I’m one step ahead of you” she laughs. Helping to remove the baby from Sarah’s arms to give over to Joel.

“God she’s so gorgeous” Maria coos before handing her over to Joel.

He sits back with his granddaughter cradled into his large arms.

“Oh.” He whispers quietly when her big brown eyes open to study him. “Hello beautiful girl, god just look at you. Aren’t you just the most beautiful little thing. And little do you know just how lucky you are having Sarah as your momma? You’re so lucky babygirl, just like we are all lucky to have been blessed w’you.” He shushes her when she makes a little grunt noise, but she settles quickly. “Sarah m’so proud of you she is the most beautiful little thing.” He looks to his daughter who looks back at him exhausted, but she’s beaming with pride.

“She’s got a name y’know dad” she jests.

“She does, well what’s that then babygirl, can’t keep calling her ‘she’ now, can we?”

“Bea. It means ‘she who brings happiness’, I read it in a book and knew instantly that that was gonna be her name if she was a girl.” Sarah utters, with a big smile plastered on her face as she admires her dad cradling her tiny daughter; his granddaughter.

“Bea huh?” he chuckles wetly. “Well aint that just the most beautiful name, for the most beautiful girl.” She coos in response making everybody laugh. He adds “Yeah y’know it don’t you Bea Miller, you’re gorgeous just like your mama.”

“This is the best day of my life.” He adds a short while later, “’part from the day you were born of course babygirl.” He strokes Sarah’s head, and she laughs lightly before he looks at his granddaughter again.

He’s besotted, so full of love he could burst.

[toxicanonymity]

RULES & FAQs

THIS BLOG IS 18+ NO MINORS 🔞

WELCOME ABOARD! This blog has amazing readers which makes it a lot of fun. You can call me Tox or Toxy (she/her). I usually write smut. Sometimes I write darkfic. I dabble in horror. Please do not follow me if you're sensitive to the warnings on my masterlists, found in my bio. Check your content settings to make sure you can see everything. Heed warnings on fics. Last updated July 2024.

Basics

Tox/Toxy, she/her, millennial. English or Spanish.

WIPs are on hiatus. I'm kinda struggling but trying to do my best. Thank you for your patience.

Do not copy, translate, or reupload my work. Do not put it into AI or make bots of it. Ty for understanding.

Please do not follow me if you are averse to dark content including dubcon and noncon.

Q: Are Requests open?

A: No, but questions are welcome 🩷

Q: Will you write more every inch/left in Lincoln?

A: I would like to. More here. For Every Inch, there are two more parts planned.

Q: When is [fic] coming back? How many chapters?

A: IDK, sorry :( If I knew I'd tell you. In the future, I'm not planning to release things as I write, I'm gonna try to finish everything before posting. Problem is I have a lot of one shot fails / play as I go AUs. We'll see. I can tell you Every Inch has 6 total parts planned.

Q: Did you read my fic?

A: I wish I could read everyone's fics, but in addition to there being a lot of you, I'm a slow/bad reader. I'm also overdosed on pedro rn, but I still share fics on @toxicrecs. You are welcome to send a fic or tag me if you think the readers here would like it. When I read a fic, I also reblog it here on main. I am most likely to read shorter drabbles/fics.

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A: Here, I've done a lot of catching up but still not everything is on there. If there's something specific you would like me to bring over let me know and I will.

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A: Please follow @toxicfics, use the person icon to turn on notifications, and use this trick for getting a tab on your dashboard just for your blog subscriptions so you can see what you missed.

Q: Are the fics always dark on this blog?

A: No.

Q: What is the brothel?

A: I HC my characters as living in a brothel which has its own crack sideblog @toxicbrothel.

Q: What are Joelkémons?

A: Reader-coined term for the Joel variants on this blog. Some are listed here: Joelkémon cards.

Q: Can we make your characters into bots?

A: No, please don't do this. It makes me feel bad and they don't even work. Every time, it puts me farther away from updating the fic. Please lmk if you ever see my work made into a bot, copied, etc. Please don't draw attention to it without speaking to me first 🙏🏼 I generally like to keep things quiet and not make a big deal out of it.

Q: Who's night walks!Joel? Who's thighs out?

A: Night Walks is an AU where Joel is your hot, older, creepy pothead neighbor. Night walks masterlist. Thighs out (another AU) is your boyfriend's hot slutty dad.

Q: What's a HOG? Who/what is GILF?

A: Hot Old Guy, from Silence can never be bought pt. 2 and 5. GILF is grandpa I'd Like to Fuck and may refer to the one from Pawn Shop (Joel in his 60s) @gilfjoel.

Q: Who is Dr. Rock?

A: Hot sex therapist who roleplays my characters. Dr. Rock is also the poster boy for avoiding discourse.

Q: Do you still write slashers?

A: Yes. I just wrote my first Thomas Hewitt in March 2024. Main/slashers masterlist.

Q: What other fics & blogs do you rec?

A: Please check out @toxicrecs

Q: How can I stay motivated to write without getting a lot of notes?

A: Please see these posts: here and here.

Q: Which anon tags are taken?

A: 🍯 🍹 🍓🦡

Q: Why did you unfollow me?

A: I could've lost (some or all) interest in your fandom. I may have forgotten why I followed you, especially if what you're posting has changed. Or I might be wanting to reduce the discourse I see.

✨Q: Am I blocked? Why can't I see your main blog from my account? / Did you soft block me?

⚠️ A: The most common reasons I block are for policing or judging what others post, kink shaming, or spreading harmful rumors. ⚠️

When it comes to rumors and shaming, silence is not a sign of guilt or agreement. It's confidence in the truth and desire to keep harmful takes off the dash. As a rule, I would ignore and block false accusations, rumors, or kink shamers instead of giving them a huge audience by responding or addressing it.

Harmful takes in the wild / targeted harassment: blocked. And if a post is bad enough--such as calling for targeted harassment of writers or trivializing a serious crime by casually accusing writers of it, I may block people for positively interacting with it. I don't want to be on your dash if you share those views, even if it's about something I don't write. On my blog, it's important for readers to be able to understand fiction can't be equated with real life. And who's to say I won't offend or traumatize you on a different topic one day? It's for your own good.

You can get blocked on anon too.

[cowgurrrl]

Ok I have fluff angst idea…Charlie is pregnant and freaking out about telling Joel because she is kinda young. And Joel is mad, scared, excited , crying and also grandpa Joel?!

Hello why did this make me tear up

April, Come She Will

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: it’s canon to me that reader and Joel live to be 100 and nothing bad ever happens to them ever again

Summary: The next generation of Millers find their way [3.6k]

Warnings: teen pregnancy (what’s new for this series lmao), arguing, language, call backs

Charlie's been acting weird for the past few weeks. She's been coming in and out of the house at strange times, not showing up for patrol, and giving you vague answers about where she's been. She's nineteen now, so she doesn't necessarily need you and Joel breathing down her neck all the time, but you still like to know where your kid is. She tells you she's been with Ellie or her boyfriend, Eric, which is fine. You like Eric. You just wish she would spend a little more time at home. 

Charlie and Eric met on patrol. No matter how much you tried to dissuade her from joining the patrol team, she wouldn't listen. She had watched you guys go out and defend Jackson as she grew up and even talked to Ellie about her adventures outside the walls. She knew how to ride a horse, and Joel taught her how to handle a gun. The intention was never to "train" her for patrol but to be prepared in a worst-case situation where she needed to protect herself but the second she was old enough, she signed up. She got paired with Eric, a sweet boy her age she went to school with, for her first patrol, and that was it. They've been together ever since. 

Joel was hesitant when they started dating, but you reminded him she was an adult and could make her own decisions. Eric was somehow more hesitant when Charlie invited him over for a family dinner. Eric grew up hearing stories about your family, and his dad occasionally worked patrol with Joel, but knowing him by proxy is much different than sitting across from him at the dinner table. Joel promised to be on his best behavior, but poor Eric was terrified any time Joel asked him a question. Since then, they've gotten a little closer, but they are by no means buddies. You're a little nicer.

All this runs through your head when Eric trails behind Charlie into the house. It's a Saturday, and you and Joel are off patrol, sitting next to each other on the couch. You were supposed to go see Ellie and Dina, but they rescheduled for next weekend without much explanation as to why. JJ might've gotten in trouble. At seventeen, he has more of Ellie's wild personality than anything else. It's a little fun to watch her try to handle a younger version of herself. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Charlie asks, a slight tremble in her voice. You look up from your book, and Joel leans forward to drop his wood carving knife on the coffee table. She and Eric sit across from you, her leg bouncing anxiously when she does, and you glance between them. You're a little confused as to why Eric has to be here for this, but she's clinging to his hand so hard you almost worry she's gonna break it. Worry claws at the back of your throat, but you swallow it down. Whatever it is, you can handle it.

"Sure, bug," you say. "What's up?" 

"Um, so there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to get some things squared away before I did because I didn't want you guys to freak out or anything. I understand this is a really big deal, but it's under control, and we have a plan." She explains rapidly, and Joel chuckles as he removes his glasses to rub at his eye.

"You ain't pregnant, are you?" He asks, and Charlie is silent. That's when you feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Your mouth goes dry, and you sit up, staring at her like you're waiting for her to say she's joking. "Charlotte," Joel says, his tone even and scarily calm. "You're not. Right?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she says, tears shining in her eyes. "But we… we have a plan. We're gonna get set up in a house, and Ellie's gonna lend us some of JJ's old things, and we're gonna pick up some more shifts before the baby comes. It's all gonna be okay."

You can't help but feel like you set her up for failure, not only with your own teen pregnancy but with your inability to keep her safe. In the old days, you might've been able to put her on birth control or give her condoms when she started dating, but those things aren't on the top of the list for what little FEDRA manufacturing is left. The best "safe sex" talk you could have with her is letting her know her options if she did get pregnant or sick. You hated it, but there wasn't much else you could do. And now look where you are. 

"Mom, can you please say something?" Charlie begs as Eric rubs her back. You thought you'd be prepared for something like this with your and Joel's (and Ellie's) family life starting earlier than most. Instead, you find yourself, possibly for the first time ever, sympathizing with your mother. You pull yourself together enough to open your mouth. 

"You wanna have this baby?" You ask, and she nods. 

"We already decided. We're not gonna get married or anything yet, but yeah, we want this baby," she says. Eric doesn't say anything. You figure that's probably smart. It's only a matter of time before Joel freaks the fuck out about the fact that he got your baby girl pregnant. "That's why I went to Ellie's the other day. I was talking to her, Aunt Dina, and Uncle Jesse about when they had Jay." She says. You try not to be offended that she told Ellie before she told you. You told lots of people before you told your mom you were pregnant. Still, you thought you and Charlie were closer than you and your mom were. 

You look at Joel, the same panic and anger taking over his features, and take a deep breath. He grinds his teeth as he thinks, and you have to stop yourself from scolding him. When you look back at Charlie, her face is splotchy, and her brown eyes sparkle in the mid-afternoon light. She looks so grown up but so little at the same time. Your eyes slide from hers to Eric's wide ones.

"I'm assuming you know the stories about Jane and her dad?" You ask.

"Yes, ma'am." He croaks, and you nod.

"And I'm assuming you know how Joel and I got to Jackson in the first place?" 

"Mom," Charlie starts, but you catch Joel shaking his head at her in your peripheral vision. Eric swallows thickly and nods.

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Good," you say. "If I ever hear anything about you not being there for Charlie or that baby, or if you even think about leaving them, I'll fucking kill you." You haven't had to speak this way in years, and it, obviously, rattles both Charlie and Eric. Good. You hope it does rattle him. 

"Mom!" Charlie scolds, looking to Joel for help, but it's clear that he has your back with this one. You'll be damned if she ends up a single parent like you two were. She scoffs and stands, pulling Eric up with her. "You don't have to listen to this, Eric."

"Yes, he does." You say.

"Baby, what did you think we were gonna say?" Joel asks. 

"That you'd support my decision or, at least, find a way to!" 

"Of course, we support you. I just..." Joel trails off. "I just don't think you know what this means. How much this is gonna change your life. And I know you love each other, but havin' a baby ain't an easy thing."

"That's why we're doing it together," she says, her eyes moving from Joel's to yours. "That's why it's fucking crazy to talk to him like that. And unfair. You didn't act this way when Ellie had JJ." 

"That's because we didn't need to have this same talk with them. Jesse and Dina had already decided to co-parent Jay. There was no way Dina was gonna be a single mom," you say. "But there were three of them, and it was still hard. You were just a baby when he was born, so you don't remember, but it was a lot."

"So, you don't think I can be a mom?" She asks, and you stand with your hands up in defeat.

"I didn't say that. I just want you to be prepared. I remember what it was like, and I-"

"Just because you were miserable when you had Jane doesn't mean everyone is." It's mean and calculated and hits you right where it hurts. It doesn't matter if it's the hormones or not. The sting of her words renders you silent. 

"Don't you speak to your mother that way!" Joel yells. He never yells anymore, especially at Charlie. The scary boom in his voice fills the room, but you catch the glint of tears in his eyes as his breathing stutters. "This ain't just playin' house, Charlie. So, if your mama is a little worried, she's allowed to be. Shit, we're all allowed to lose our fuckin' minds for a minute, but that isn't an excuse to talk bout your family like that." He says, and she taps her shoe on the ground twice, a nervous tick she picked up from Joel.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I can't just sit here and listen to you threaten Eric like that," she says. You nod but don't apologize. You can't find anything to say. Charlie stares at you like she's waiting for you to lash out or yell at her, but you can't. She wipes a stray tear away furiously and turns away. "I need some air," she mumbles, dragging Eric out of the house before you can even protest. The door slams behind her, and the floorboards she took her first steps on shake with the force. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls you into him. He murmurs soft assurances into your hair, his voice cracking and tears spilling from his eyes as he does, and all you can do is let him hold you. 

What the fuck else are you supposed to do?

You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the bathroom door in the hall slamming open. You and Joel jolt upright in bed at the sudden sound (old habits die hard, right?), and you sigh as you rub your eyes. You check the alarm clock next to your bed for the time and see it's close to three. The dark mountain town is still asleep outside your window, and you grab a soft flannel from the floor to pull over your shoulders. 

You don't remember falling asleep. You were up, waiting for Charlie to come home so you could talk further, but when the front door opened and closed, and she basically sprinted to her room, you couldn't find the energy for another fight. But when you laid down, you couldn't sleep either, your conversation from earlier playing on a loop in your mind. You and Joel just sat there in silence, staring up at the ceiling until your eyelids got too heavy, and you fell into a dreamless sleep. You couldn't have been asleep for over an hour or two when the bathroom door swung open. Joel looks at you, confused when you stand.

"What are you doin'?" He asks, and you wave him off.

"I know why she's up. Just go back to bed." You say without much explanation before padding down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Your footsteps are loud enough on the tile for her to hear you, so she doesn't flinch when you suddenly pull her hair away from her face and hold it out of the way. She glances at you and softens a little before retching into the toilet again. She does that for another minute or two before her stomach is finally empty, and you can safely let go of her hair. She sighs and leans against the wall as you flush the toilet and hand her a towel. You settle across from her, your back pressed against the sink, and rub her leg as she wipes her face. 

"Thanks," she mumbles as she tips her head back against the wall. She looks tired and weak. All you want to do is scoop her up in your arms like she's three years old again. "I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry. That's my genetics. I was super sick with you and Jane." Her name rolls off your tongue so fast you almost forget the last time it was invoked. The air stiffens between you, and she shifts uncomfortably. 

"How long were you sick for?" She asks softly. You sigh as you track your memory back and try to remember the exact details.  

"About six months," you admit, and she groans. You laugh a little at her reaction, but only because you know how frustrating it is. If you could take it from her, you would. When you settle, she stares at you guiltily and starts picking at the nail bed around her thumb like she can't stand the silence. "Where did you guys go?" you ask to put her out of her misery.

"I just… needed to get out of the house. We walked around town for a while before going to his parent's house," she says. "They still don't know. We wanted to tell y'all first." You nod, unable to give words to your gratitude just yet, and she swallows thickly.  

"You could've stayed," you whisper. "I wanted you to stay."

"I know," she says. "I'm sorry. For everything." She looks like she could start crying again, so you take a deep breath, scoot over to her, wrap her in your arms, and kiss her temple. You feel her relax into you, and a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

"You know your dad and I worry about you. It's not about you not being capable or not smart enough because you are plenty capable and smart. But we also know that it doesn't matter how prepared you think you are. There's nothing that can prepare you for being a parent, and that's not me trying to scare you. It's just how it is." You explain, and she nods into your neck. 

"That's what Ellie said, too." She says. 

"Smart kid." 

"I feel like I fucked up," she pivots dramatically, but you hold on tightly and wait for her to continue. I'm right here with you, baby girl, you think. "I want to be happy because Eric seems happy, and you're supposed to be happy when you find out you're pregnant, but I'm so fucking scared." She sounds like she's on the brink of tears again, and you shush her. She sighs heavily and wipes at her face as she leans back enough to see you. "Were you scared when you found out you were pregnant?"

"Both times, I was fucking terrified. With you, it came later, though. Even though your dad and I talked about having another kid and how amazing you'd end up being, I remember going into labor and shaking cause of how scared I was." You say, and she nods. 

"How did you... know you were supposed to be a mom? She asks. It's a loaded question. How does anyone ever know they're "supposed" to be a parent? You certainly didn't think you were meant for anything that important at sixteen, but you do remember why you made the decision you did. 

"I, um…" you trail off, laughing. "I started having these dreams after I found out I was pregnant."

"Dreams?" 

"It was pretty much the same thing over and over again for a few months. I would be going through my regular routine, but this… baby was following me around. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but I knew it was my baby. And it came with me to school, the grocery store, work, everything, and as time passed in my dream, the bigger the baby got. They'd get more personality or start laughing, or their eyes would change colors, and I'd be so in love with them," You know you sound crazy, but that's because it was crazy. "The first few times, I woke up crying because the baby from my dreams wasn't there. I thought there was nothing worse than waking up in the morning and not having my kid there," you say. The weight of your words catches up with you, and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from crying. "And I was right." You shake your head and take a deep breath, hyper-aware of her eyes on you.

"I had the same dreams when I got pregnant with you, except they were a little different. In all of them, you were always with Ellie and Dad— every single time. I thought you were gonna grow up and not like me as much or whatever other reason my hormones gave me for the change, but, towards the end, you started showing up alone. You were just this little light. I can't describe it exactly, but everything I did in the dream was a little more magical because you were there. Things were shiny or glittery, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle," you say, smiling at the memory. You grab her hand and squeeze hard, looking directly into her eyes and fighting more tears. "You turned my world technicolor even before you were born, and I knew I would always do everything I could to protect you. That's why I was so hard on Eric. I know he's a good kid and nothing like Jane's dad was, but I don't want you to end up like me, kid." Charlie squeezes your hand, somehow harder than you squeeze her, and a familiar crease appears between her eyebrows.

"Mommy, if I'm half the woman you are, I'd be so fucking happy. Are you kidding me?" She says. 

"Charlotte-" 

"I'm serious," she cuts you off, Joel's commanding yet gentle tone seeping into her voice. "Mom, you made my lunch until I was in high school, and even when I asked you to stop, you still had one ready to go just in case I needed it. You used to take JJ and me to the park so Ellie and Aunt Dina could get some sleep, even though everyone knew that meant you didn't get any. You convinced Dad to talk to Eric because you knew I loved him and wanted him to like him..." She slows down a little bit, scanning your face before she continues. "You kept a kid alive during the Outbreak despite everything. You still buy her flowers on her birthday. You tell me about her. You let me know her," you take a shaky breath, and you can't stop the tears anymore. "You're a good mom, and I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm sorry for what I said and for getting pregnant and-" 

This time, you stop her by hugging her tight and letting yourself cry. She gets emotional, too, and a very unlucky Joel finds the two of you crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. Like everything, he takes it in stride and joins you two on the floor until the sun breaches over the mountains and a new day shines down. 

It's hard to say things got easier after that day. Eric's parents didn't react very positively at first, and it took them most of her pregnancy to come around. Charlie goes through weeks of sickness and bed rest. They argue a lot about the future and what it should look like, but they get there in the end. The next year, the house is filled with a familiar chatter and chaos. Charlie and Eric's twins (which explains why she felt so bad), Elliot "Ellie" Beth, and April Theresa Miller-Donovan, squeal as Joel takes turns dancing with them in the living room.

Elliot is, obviously, named in honor of your Ellie, but she bears Sarah's middle name. April threw you for a loop. The twins were born in snowy January, confusing you as to why they would name her that and not January, but Charlie smiled as she handed April to you. "Jane's birthday is April 7th. I didn't want to steal your name, but I remember you taking me to the meadow to pick flowers for her. April 7th was always my favorite day." She explained, making you choke up. When she told you April's middle name, you and Joel completely lost it. Theresa, for your Tess, the woman who believed so much in Ellie, she forced you to believe in her, too. The woman who saved your life in more ways than one. The woman who would've absolutely adored Charlie if she ever met her. 

You love being grandparents again— admittedly, a little older than you were the first time around. Joel teaches the girls Spanish words and lets them pull on his beard. You make extra food so your baby has something to eat after the long days and nights of keeping them alive, and you play silly games with them. They don't look like you or Joel or even Charlie or Eric. They look like their own little people. People who will never know the loss, destruction, and nights spent staring hopelessly at walls you went through. People who will grow up safe and loved and cared for. People who carry names they won't be able to put a face to. 

That's okay. They don't need to know about the people you were before you were their grandparents, and maybe it's time for you to try to let that time go. Maybe, in your and Joel's old age, with the deep wrinkles and graying hair, you can just be. Maybe you can just dance in the living room and make warm blankets and fall asleep holding hands. Maybe everything does turn out okay.

[vacantgodling]

anyway y'all are gonna get my unncessary cole cassidy backstory notes.

so basically i'm breaking up cassidy's backstory into the different personas he defines himself as during that time period in his life. currently there are 5 eras, with the 5th being this current cage-universe era.

ERAS:

CJ Cassidy III [age: birth through 15]

The Deadeye Kid or "Kidd" [age: 15-20]

Jesse McCree (deadname jumpscare) [age: 21-36]

Joel Morricone [age: 31-present day kinda]

Cole Cassidy (!! CURRENT ERA !!) [age: 37-present]

CJ CASSIDY III ERA

went by CJ or junior, even though he's a third because his grandfather stopped considering his father his son after he was born and his dad kept fucking up. really looked up to his grandfather and had strained relationships with both of his parents. after his grandfather's death, he started down a bad path as he had no guiding figure in his life.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Grandma: Eliana “Silver”  Cassidy (mn: Clearsky) (1977-2032; age at death 55)

Eliana was a force of a woman. She was from the Apache tribe in New Mexico, and she had storm grey eyes that always seemed to mirror the rare storms that overtook the area. 

She was always the disciplinarian for their son Cole Jr (cj's father), and did partially regret when he began to go astray. She passed away 6 years before Cassidy was born and Cassidy Sr never married again.

Grandpa: Cole Justice Cassidy Sr. (1979—2055; age at death 76)

The man who really raised CJ and whom he has an extreme reverence for. Cassidy Sr. was a stoic man but he did have a soft spot for his grandson.

the mexican clan that would eventually become known as the cassidy’s used to rule the Old West back in the 1880s, or at least the part of Arizona that they reside in now; and it was when their first ancestor Judas (Jude) “Justice” Cassidy made contact with an ancient spirit of the West. Some say it was a demon, some an angel, some malevolent, some mischievous—either way the spirit challenged Jude to a shootout, which Jude won. Afterwhich, he fell into a trance and the spirit granted him the Deadeye ability. This ability passed down through the generations, when that fiery red and gold skull and crossbones appeared in his own son’s eye when he was 6 years old. Most Cassidy’s start showing their ability when they’re around 6 or 16 and Cassidy Sr was no different. The ability however, skipped Cole Jr (cj's father), and ended up getting passed to CJ.

Father: Cole Justice Cassidy Jr. (2022—2059; age at death 37)

Cassidy had a strained relationship with his father; he was a drunkard and beat his longterm partner (Selina Ballard) and was adulturous, and was overall a disappointment to Cassidy Sr.

CJ took up the same disdain for his father, and esp after his grandfather’s passing, he began to treat his father with more ire. The last time the two of them spoke, they actually came to blows over Cassidy joining a gang.

When his father passed away suddenly in a drunk driving accident (he was a trucker) when he was 19, Cassidy didn’t go to his funeral.

Mother: Selina Ballard (2024—2076; age at death 52)

A semi-neurotic, anxious woman who was raised in a religious commune with her parents up until she turned 14 and began public school after her parents took their own lives. Selina has always held fast to her religion, and has always tried to be chaste—at least until she met Cole Jr. She fell head over heels for him, and consequently did anything to get him to stay with her, which included losing her virginity at 16 and falling pregnant with their eventual son, CJ. She changed her religion to Catholicisim shortly after CJ’s birth, and lived with Cassidy Sr as he didn’t want the mother of his grandson to live on the streets, esp after he found out she was an orphan. The two steered clear of one another, but she always acknowledged that the man was a great influence on Cassidy’s life. Cassidy hasn’t spoken to his mother in years, and despite Reyes encouraging him in Blackwatch to try and reach out to her, its just not something he could ever bring himself to do. He always called her ‘mama’ and he carries with him a good helping of religious trauma which he doesn’t try to wade through—just feels like too much work.

Her passing occurs just when Overwatch is shut down by the PETRAS act. Cassidy takes the time to leave everything behind him (grieving heavily) and goes back to the states to bury her since he’s the only one she has left. The funeral arrangements were already set up, the Cassidy ranch sold off, and the only thing that Cassidy had left of any of his family aside from their memories are his mama’s rosary beads. He keeps them as a memento, even if he’s not religious.

THE DEADEYE KID ERA

After Cassidy Sr. passed away, Cassidy began to spiral. He was already a rambunctious kid who had a hard time sitting still, but without the guidance of his grandpa, and the mess of his family life between Cole Jr.’s drinking, and his mother’s religious fervency and anxiety around him doing anything outside of the home, he began to sneak out, run away, and get on the wrong side of the law.

It wasn’t long before he was doing small run ins with the local gang; the notorious Deadlock gang who had been operating around these parts since 1976. Eliana Cassidy (grandmother) had a few family members who were mixed in with the gang (though it was a life she herself avoided—she didn’t like taking orders, which is something Cassidy kinda gets from her) and so when little CJ started coming around, they opened their arms to him like he was a cousin. By the December of that year—The Alleyway Shootout as it would come to be called occurred, which led to Cassidy formally using his Deadeye ability for the first time to kill 3 police officers. The gang saw his ability and decided to take him under their wing formally, training him for bigger jobs and keeping him out of the clutches of the law. This is also where he began his eventual lengthy bounty. The mokier the cops gave him was “The Deadeye Kid” and it stuck. Elder gang members took to calling him “Kidd” because 1. Billy the Kid but 2. because at 15-16 he was the youngest member.

Kidd dropped out of HS at 17 and stopped returning home, never mind that his mama worried about him. The last time she reached out to him was at 19 when his father passed away in a DUI incident, and all he said was “Ma, ya know I ain’t comin’.” and he hung up on her. Whenever she tried to reach out, Kidd never responded.

Kidd rose the ranks of the gang pretty quickly; he became acquainted with their arms trade, became their enforcer whenever deals went south. the high that cassidy got from stealing, shootouts, joyriding and more just couldn’t be beat. and on top of this, his gang became his new family: sure, they treated him like shit sometimes and teased him something fierce when it was discovered that he was bi, but they cared about him and he cared about them. for the most part. the only time he doubted this is when he got into an argument with the leader of deadlock once; and in exchange, they got him jail time for about 6 months when he was 20… getting out just before they were fully apprehended by overwatch—so basically he got out of jail and was immediately taken in by head of blackwatch, Gabriel Reyes.

THE JESSE MCCREE (OVERWATCH) ERA

After being apprehended by Overwatch, Reyes offers Kidd two choices: join overwatch under his command, or rot in a jail cell for the rest of his natural born life. It was an easy answer, and since he's been left his true name behind, kidd now needed a new mask to wear; eventually settling on the name Jesse McCree. Under the watchful care of a few key Overwatch members, Jesse's morals, outlook on life, and skills begin to evolve once more.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Gabriel Reyes ⟶ a mentor and father figure to jesse and the first one who really saw his true potential. he likes to claim that even if jesse said no to joining blackwatch he would’ve kept badgering him until he said yes. reyes always reminded jesse of his grandfather, even if he wasn’t as wise or as patient as the man. even still, having that strong presence in his life helped change his morals—even if he’s doing things “wrong” if those wrong things equate for the greater good, then that’s what matters. reyes saw jesse, towards the end of overwatch, as basically his own son.

Dr. Mina Liao / Echo ⟶ while jesse always had a hard time understanding what the hell dr. liao was always talking about whenrever she started rambling about omnics, ai, and engineering, he did know that she was a kind, bright soul and he really took a shine to her. in a strange way she reminded him of the kind of bright spark that his mama used to have before she met his dad and before she delved headfirst into a reductive religion. to jesse’s eyes, ai was basically like a religion to dr. liao, but one that she was taking part in understanding, learning, and shaping. consequently, he never had any issues helping her train with echo and really began to value her research for what it was: a way for humanity to move forward. he didn’t ever have strong opinions about omnics until he met dr. liao, but she shaped his view that so long as something has thoughts it has a soul and while he doesn’t consider himself religious that is something he holds onto. in the same vein, echo is special to him; he feels horrible about not being able to protect dr. liao and one of his many demons is wishing he knew who, what, or why the explosion in her lab took place. 

Ana Amari ⟶ the kind of mother that jesse wishes that he had—he understands fareeha’s struggle with having a mother who pulls away from her but at the same time, if there’s anyone who truly shaped jesse, it’s ana. she learned of his deadeye and helped him hone it; training with him for hours and days on end to become a sharpshooter so that deadeye itself was only a last resort. she made sure he washed behind his ears, and said his please’s and thank yous; re-instilled the manners that he lost being in the gang for as long as he was. he’d move mountains for her and she knows it.

Genji Shimada ⟶ the two of them, similarly to hanzo and himself (in the future), did not start off on a good foot but this was mostly due to genji’s attitude and demons and less to do with jesse’s personally investment with his attitude problem. the one place where they seemed to find some sort of equal footing was during training sessions; genji would beat him up and then feel better enough to express himself a little bit, then he would close off and the cycle would continue. jesse can’t pinpoint exactly what made genji’s mold fully crack open and open up to him, but he assumes that part of it had to do with the fact that jesse helped him (along with blackwatch) dismantle the shimada clan. during genji’s darkest hours during their stings, jesse was the only person willing to get close enough to extend a hand to him; even reyes was decidedly more hands off with genji, just expecting him to perform. but jesse recognized that he was a man within his cybernetics, a hurting man. and that is partially why genji considers jesse/cassidy not only his closest friend, but damn near a brother. 

Moira O’Deorain ⟶ moira always said that the ire jesse held for her is because she was uninterested in dressing up her controversial views and research in pretty clothes; such as many scientists like angela ziegler or dr. liao were wont to do. jesse never liked that not only did she rub him the wrong way, generally speaking, but the fact that her employment was a secret is something that jesse never agreed with—and was the first time that he and reyes butted heads (before rialto anyway). when he found out that moira was experimenting on some of the other blackwatch personnel he rose hell—but he never knew that reyes himself was part of those experiments.

Gerard Lacroix ⟶ jesse resected gerard and trusted his judgement. he felt definitely more like a boss that you wanted to be on your best behavior for and was shocked when he heard the news of his death; never mind the fact that his assassin was supposedly his own wife.

THE JOEL MORRICONE INTERLUDE (OVW TWILIGHT YEARS)

After the Venice or Rialto incident (used interchangably throughout Cage), Jesse McCree was sidelined from Overwatch as Blackwatch itself was dissolved. Because he is essentially in timeout for his role in the incident (never mind that he told Reyes this was a bad idea), Jesse decides to take time for himself and starts to travel on his own; creating the persona for himself Joel Morricone. Joel is the first truly civilian life that he's ever lived; but even then he can't help but involve himself in one of his best kept secrets, writing, by ending up becoming a journalist who especially defends Overwatch's actions. However, as bad influences begin to find the cracks in Overwatch's amror, he starts to wonder if he should strike out on his own as Joel Morricone for good.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Lakeisha “Blue Jay” Thompson -> black canadian. As a jounalist who also sees the good in overwatch, after cashing in a few favors she unexpectedly meets one Joel Morricone at a bar after the press conference about the impending fate of ovw.One thing leads to another and they end up sleeping together, and then keep each other’s contact info and meet up a few more times. When lakeisha falls pregnant with their child. she debates heavily if she wants to keep it, or even tell Joel about it, yet, when overwatch is outlawed by the PETRAs act and she decides that she’s going to retire from journalism and consequently, keep the baby. she tries to reach out to Joel to tell him, but he seems to have all but disappeared and she wonders if its because of overwatch’s disbandment and because he was such a staunch supporter if he’s laying low to avoid the heat. she decides then to go back to canada and begins to raise their daughter on their own. something she does remember from the times that they were together is joel mentioning that justice was a family name for him, so she decides to name the baby when she’s born raleigh justice.

Raleigh Justice Thompson aka “RJ” — 4yo; Joel (or Cassidy tm) currenlty doesn't know she exists but Oh Boy when he finds out--

CURRENT CAGE/SCHISM ERA

When Overwatch implodes literally (with the explosion at Swiss HQ) and figuratively, Jesse McCree has no choice but to lay low, or face the music and turn himself into authorities. The Joel persona becomes an afterthought as he feels he needs to do something with this anger and misplaced frustration, so he ends up becoming a vigilante for a few years to earn money, and to take justice into his own hands in his own way, since the UN seems to have no interest in doing so. Things come crashing down when he's confronted about his true heritage by a contact he makes during this time, and are further complicated when Winston launches the recall. However, his guilt in his "old" age have begun to really gnaw at him--so he decides to go back; dropping his old monikers behind, and finally going by Cole Cassidy for the first time in his life.

[ragnarssons]

Hi! Is it okay if I sent a small rant here?

Most are saying that Joel damned the world by saving Ellie. The world was already damned and killing a innocent little girl wouldn't have made it better. The doctors were incompetent. They were going to kill the only known immune person. They didn't even do any tests. This is enough to prove that even if he left Ellie, there was never going to be a cure because the doctors were idiots.

Did you know that Joel is living his best life at Jackson? Ellie and Dina are married and are rasing JJ together. They also gave Joel a "world's best grandpa" Mug. Joel started teaching guitar lessons it has been a few days let's see how that goes.

It's okay, it's okay, you can come and rant and vent here! People saying Joel damned the world are TLOU2 fanatics who believe the worship-style narrative Abby forced upon the players/audience, because that damn woman can't see no fault in her father. Not even her father murdering a 14yo without her consent. It's funny how we say "well saving the world shouldn't be on Ellie's shoulders"... well technically, "damning" the world shouldn't be on Joel's either. First of all, literally, the world has been ended and doomed for 20 years, while Joel was a poor-ass single dad/contractor not eating his flour. He didn't doom the world, as you say so yourself, at the moment of the game, the world is already doomed, has been for a while, and has revealed a lot of uncomfortable truths about human kind. And yknow, if we gotta delve into questions like this, we still can raise with: How are the doctors any good if they're so willing to kill a child without her explicit consent? And if they get her consent, is it "good consent" if Ellie accepts out of trauma and survivor's guilt? Can they still do it? Where is their duty of care? And then let's say they go with the procedure, everything apple-pie they get their cure. Then what? They use it to beat FEDRA? And how many people would die in the process? What would even be the point of beating FEDRA when it's about "sAvInG HumAnItY"? Or they just distribute it freely like that, happy happy everyone is happy? P l e a s e. The way the world is portrayed in the game and the show, you can't believe that's how it's gonna happen. It's stated multiple times on the show, how FEDRA and The Fireflies are these huge, determined, strong entities going at each other's throat, so much so that oftentimes, human casualties ensue, and it doesn't stop them. Like can we take a minute and weight in on how many people The Fireflies might have killed in approx. 20 years? (I'm sorry anon, literally battling TUMBLR to post this maybe it's too long so I gotta cut this-)

[bluiex]

Hey! Is me! The anon that give you the spire family AU cause I need help with some things cause I’m finally working on it again!!!

First let’s set the scene to help you(me) visualise the story better! I think it’s set like some of the Empires still exist just to expand the world, Shopping centre is still shopping centre but it’s like the resort in Mystreet season 6, with like the tower thing in the middle and all other like islands(aka like Aqua town and stuff like that) are. Mother Spore is like on this Erie off coast of the shopping centre that was originally connected to the shopping centre but when humans came they destroyed the eco system that connect them</3

(We keeping the Undergrove, Overgrown, Ocean Empire(Swamp is literally just like under the rule of the ocean empire), Meazalia(?), and Grimlands(cause imagine, Count fWhips twin sister ‘KIDNAPPED’ by the evil Mother Spore! Is so funny!!)

Kept the Undergrove cuase im thinking it’s like where the sporelings are most accepted(cause Shubble’s well- a gnome- but she’s got her whole mushroom thing so I’m making her bestie with Mother Spore)

(THIS GIVE ME AN IDEA!!! Everyine else trying to find where Mothers Spire other hide out is: Shubble having FUCKING TEA with Mother Spore: And i told her, that he was a cheat but she just gaslit me!)

So like Lizzie. Let’s make her God of the Ocean cause obvi! Jimmy’s like the Demi god who fell in love with mortals(cause my heart PAINS for that</3)

Lizzie and her Human Joel who just- “What? Noo gods don’t exist.”

Kathrine is the kinda queen that pretends to be a peasant and is friends with her whole kingdom without a single one (-The guards cause incase she gets hurt) knowing(Scott use to live in the Overgrown)

(IM PUTTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD OF THE UNDERGROWN CAUSE ITS MEANT TO BE LIKE THEIR OPPOSITES THAT OBTRACT!!)

fWhip has gone insane when Scott hurt Gem in ESMP1 so what happeneds when she gets ‘kidnapped’? HE GOES SO INSANE ITS FUNNY LIKE AT 3AM THERES LIKE A GUARD COMING TO TAKE HIS POST AND FWHIP RUNS PAST “WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO???YOUR MY ONLY BRAINCELL AND ILL KILL ANYONE AND EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH YOUR DISAPPEARANCE!” And the guards just like “He pays me enough…but it really could be more”

So the sporelings-

Scott’s brother Spore- like I’ve mentioned before-

Pearl’s Scott’s actually sister so just cause if that she sister spore but it’s like when a princess runs away from being a princess except she doesn’t know she running.

All the resistance members are still there obvi! (Stress, Impulse, Ren,  Doc, Jevin, XB, Etho)

But also Sausage went cause Scott flirted with him.

Joey’s there cause Xornoth(Scott’s cousin) is there-(that’s real gay)

Lauren(cause I her😭) is Xornoth’s sister, went with her cousin cause that’s her bestie!

(There are just random NPCs, some are there cause Scott flirted with them. Some went cause they thought Grian was hot. NPCs are gay/thirsty as hell.)

HEP are all scientist

Zed’s that one that’s like super smart, gets like a lot of the important info but does stupid shit- like drops the very poisonous specimen then says “Oopies!”

Pix is there cause I feel like he just does it for ironically.

TFC(I miss him😭) was a scientist that left and joined the Sporelings but instead reminded Grian of his dad, and he’s like like “Da- Grandpa spore.”

Ofcourse Theres NPC duh!

Now….WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH MUMBO??? Is he sporeling, random gardener, redstone shop owner or just a nobody? OR LIKE AN EX BESTFRIEND/LOVER OF GRIAN CASUE I LIVE FOR DRAMA!!!!

I’m still working on placing all the other hermits and an one else I want to add. They’ll all get something special, even if just one scene. 

Okay that’s all from 2am anon! Okay, Bye bye! Love you! Eat food! Drink water! Stay safe!

-🌺🪸🥀

I love all of this! I wish I could give you ideas of my own but brain mush atm 😭

But Jsut know I'm absolutely living for this. And I think Mumbo should be a sporling

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: Joel trying to plan out a Date for you and him

When Joel asked you out you were stunned! beyond stunned. the last conversation you had with him. was threatening to cut his balls off for being a stupid man.

Joel, Elle, and you traveled to check on Tommy. you were friends with Tommy. and were worried. you never really cared for Joel he was rude, Brass, and emotionally cut off.. he was burdened with Guilt of surviving , of Living after the world ended and his little girl. you Only knew about Sara because Tommy mentioned it. then after they started doing highly morally questionable things. to survive. Truthfully Tommy was your favorite Miller. especially after Joel agreed to human traffic a kid. you went with him. incase you had to Kill Joel and whoever was planning to use a kid.

things changed. once learning Ellie was immune, Joel started to open up and you could see the good man. that Tommy swore was behind all the grit and asshole behavior's. it was when Elle found a old Cassett tape making a joke about how Joel must of loved Hank williams growing up. you chuckled as he said trumpery that was before his time as Elle asked if your dad listened to him.

"yea.. those.. My grandpa use to love this guy. he saw him at a fair once. "

"Jesus how old are you?" Joel asked as you chuckled, "i was 17 when the world ended.. after i turned 18. i stopped counting."

'Jesus Christ." he mumbled as you chuckled as you spoke, "Sorry old man."

you weren't used to see Joel smile. you knew him for years. And before Elle you don't think you ever seen him smile. not even with Tess. they have a mutual bond a respectful love. you personally think they both were so fucked up that they found each other by the cosmo's and they used each other to survive. you missed Tess. she was a equally Hard ass but she was funny.

It was when you arrived at the compound where Tommy was living. and thriving you were at the movies with Maria when you got back to the house to hear Elle screaming at Joel. you got upstairs asking what was wrong as Elle said Joel was passing her off to Tommy to send her to the rest of the way. 'Joel rubbed his face as he spoke, "he will be better. he's younger and he knows the land... Y/N isn't going with you."

that is when you three all fought. It was after you calmed Elle down and she kicked you both out. that you started fighting with Joel again about you going with Elle. you weren't leaving Elle. Joel made the case.. shew as under he's protection. he's weird 'guardianship" and he said that you would just get Tommy killed.

which you cursed him off and stormed off and slept in the guest room. you culdn't even enjoy a real bed with clean lining and being clean because Stupid Joel ruined your mood. you didn't slepe at all. when you heard Joel get up and leave the house. you rolled over to your side. cursing at him. you knew he would probably physically hold you down So tommy could leave with Elle. you hated. he was Right. you couldn't go off without him. you relied on Joel to much. you were a decent Shoot. but you didn't have that gut reaction. when you had the truck and a kid came out of no where screaming for help. your first reaction was to help him. Joel realized it was a trap.. you would just Put Elle at Risk.

Getting up with Elle the first thing she said was you looked like Shit. "I feel it.. come on."

you walked her down to the stables to see Tommy was there as you turned Elle around looking at her as you Pulled out your lucky flashlight. "you stay safe.. okay you listen to Tommy. out of the two Millers. Tommy is funnier. he will love your puns." Elle smiled weakly as you whipped your cheeks quickly as she spoke, 'i'll be fine."

you nodded your head as Joel was there as he gave Elle a choice as she choose Joel. you said you would go with them. but Joel gripped your shoulders pushing you away from Tommy and Elle as he spoke, "I need you to stay here.'

"what why?"

"because Someone needs to be a aunt to Tommy's Kid and out of the two of us.. your better qualified to help out with the kid then I am."

"I never changed a diaper.. Look- I 'm not leaving you now! we can do this together." Joel sighed heavily as he said No. as he told Tommy to hold you back as he and Elle left you cursed out Joel calling him every name in the book.

then he was gone. they took longer than expected to return. you were sitting on a yard chair talking with Maria you couldn't figure out how a idiot like Tommy landed her. she was far to good for him. when you heard the door alarm beeping as they opened. you stood up to see the riding party return with Joel and Elle. you smiled brightly running over as they got into the compound as you pulled Elle into a hug hugging her tightly.

'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN!" YOU cursed out hitting Joel's Leg as he got off the horse. he was stunned he was speechless seeing you as Elle spoke up for him. "Had a bit of trouble.. they didn't need me."

you hugged her tighter as you spoke, "God I don't care if they did or not i was scared to bits over you guys."

"they need a proper meal." Tommy ordered as you freed Elle as Joel was now off the horse you pulled him into a hug. he wrenched from the pain in his side. but when you tried to free him to ask what was wrong he just squeeze tighter.

It was after they got food in their bellies and got washed up. at your place. that Joel walked over as he spoke, "I want to take you out on a date."

you nodded your head as he smiled saying good as he said he would plan it. all as you said okay as you asked if you needed to find a new place to live. that took the smile off his face as you spoke, 'well- Tommy lives across the road, I'm assuming you and Elle are staying. I mean we haven't seen a nicer place then this in years.. So you aren't going back to the QZ right?"

he shook his head, "No, were staying.. why can't we just.. live together?"

you chuckled as you spoke, "okay.. just fair warning I'm planning on being the babies third favorite person." he chuckled saying impossible as you laughed as you spoke, "is..Is Elle alright how did that all turn out?" he shook he's head, "fine. it was fine.. we had a bit of trouble.. i'll tell you later." you agreed as you said you had to go for your shift in the kitchen he said okay. as you walked off.

Joel walked around finding Tommy as he asked for help. it's been years since he did anything like plan a date. he never planned a date with Tess. they just happened without having to court. they just found each other and clung onto each other he never did anything romantic. but you deserved that. he wanted to be romantic with you.

Tommy was stunned hearing about Joel asking you out. he remembered living in the QZ and you use to bug the Hell out of Joel because he would call you too "naive" and a danger to society with your kindness. but seeing how you reacted these few weeks. shielding your emotions and pushing away whenever Tommy mentioned Elle or Joel. he just couldn't think how this happened. Joel got a gazeeboo covered in white lights. as a few people helped out. dinner and drinks under the stars and a old classic flim "Sabrina" to watch on a projector that would shin onto a wall. that they put a white curtain out to watch.

Tommy spent the day helping his brother and watching the smile and sparkle in his eyes. he hasn't seen that side of joel in years. which only made him wonder what the hell happen during that trip.

it was after work you walked home to see Elle was reading a dairy. "you have a diary?" you asked as she spoke, 'No- it was whoever use to live here.. did you have one?" you chuckled softly, "yea. those my older sister was snoopy and would always read it. so I stopped." "you have a sister?"

you nodded your head softly, you haven't thought about your sister in years. to painful. your entire family was taken down in one swoop. brownies.. brownies. turned your entire family. into the infected. you got home from a school dance when they were all infected. you ran. "Long time ago. my entire family got infected the first night.. ugh.. I was at a school dance. with a awful Date... when it all happened."

"what did he do?"

hearing the door open you answred Elle. ingoring Joel, "Oh, he put the moves on me. tried feeling me up. and when I regretted him he went to my best friend."

"who's feeling you and Tommy up?" you smiled Hearing Joels tone he was playful, you chuckled, "Fucking Lance Lane."

"who's that?"

"my Prom Date." he chuckled as Elle spoke, 'you know that Y/N had a sister?"

Joel nodded his head, "and two brothers." I nodded my head, "good memory." Joel grinned pleased with himself as you smiled turning to Elle. "Proms were very lame.. and too much pressure its just a stupid dance. right Joel?"

"I don't know.. I liked mine. I went all the way with my date." Elle gasped grossing out as you rolled your eyes. "which didn't late long i bet." he chuckled at that as elle said what as you spoke up distracting her, "I Got to get washed up.. from work. Elle, Maria asked if you wanted to go to the movies tonight?" she nodded her head saying sure as Joel told Elle to have fun.

Once Elle was gone. you walked down freshly washed as Joel was always cleaned up as you smiled, "So what we doing?"

I thought dinner and drinks.. and maybe a movie? hope you don't have a curfew." you laughed as you spoke, "hopefully you can stay up late old man." he chuckled as you both walked off.

the Dinner and drinks were great it wasn't until the movie started that you noticed the northen lights. you grabbed Joels arm pointing them out. you were both under a blanket as you spent the time watching the lights move in the sky vs the movie.

It was once you both got home that Joel asked how the date was. you smiled brightly shaking your head, "annoyingly perfect.. i dont know how im going to ask you out now. and beat snuggling under the northern lights." he smiled brightly. "I get a second date? huh?" you smield as you nodded your head. "yea. what you say?"

I'll love to."