#job… u could be real
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realizing that in my initial excitement abt the cr2 show, i totally overlooked the most important aspect: i can make a use her professional video editing skills to create the imaginary music videos i have in my head for soo many songs/characters
#cr blogging#fjordcaleb ‘the woodpile’ video i imagined all the time when my coworker and i would play frightened rabbit during slow shifts at college#job… u could be real#i love my artistic friendships that r just like bullying each other into making things in circles forever
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8x01 | Mercy
#richard pls#Rick Grimes#*#rg#S8#flashing gif#you little shit#love u#why are you the way you are#bottle this attitude#he's 2 much#you could snap a picture of me to keep later#.....#a sweet memento god what did you think i meant?#heathens#😇#just kidding i'll take them myself and leave them in his pocket#surprise#i apologize because my brain is fried after almost 2 weeks of new job training#but let's be real i'd say something like that anyway
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right clicks boyfriend -> relationship -> discuss expanding the polycule
throws my shakey handed hurried doodle at you and runs back to the tasks i was supposed to be doing. even tho this is basically the same joke i drew of them a little while ago kind of teehee oopsie :3
#twisted wonderland#twst#cater diamond#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#uhhh#treycayrid#ridtreycay#idfk what theyre called as a trio but#heartslabyul boys i lvoe u#cereal tries to draw#looks in my drawing tag actually last time i drew them i also had a similar vibe. god damn it#well SORRY it's a concept i think about a lot#i DO think they can and would find a way to make things work#i just think there would be cater induced hurdles in the way first#well okay maybe it's not all cater. i just think about cater a lot KLFJDSKLFJDS#riddle and trey have their own hurdles too tho theyre group hurdles#i could talk about htis trio FOREVER but i literally am supposed to be doing a job art test rn#so GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#trey whenever i draw him btw: 🧍♂️#trey im so sorry i simply do NOT have time to look shit up for ref rn im in a HURRY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#me making excuses as if i dont always do this lol OKAY BYE FOR REAL!!!
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the nhl is so funny bc they will go great lengths to protect people accused of sexual assault or domestic violence, but they really draw the line at drugs and gambling, which is like.... isn't that WHAT your player assistance program is for? if anything..........
#like..... is that not.................#all these fucking guys part of the wjc shit are 'on leave' and still technically part of their teams and yet....#when something like this i gotta see random statistics accounts being narcs like the nhl/SOMEONE wouldnt see and report it#think if ur out of ur mind enough to post that on a public story. u need help more than you need 'punishment' i see so many ppl begging for#and if it was a more prolific player theyd be protecting him too i bet lol#just a fucked up league be so real.. humanity and empathy aren't prioritized at all#nhl#hockey#all the ppl that know nothing abt drug use come crawling out of the woodwork with stupid ass opinions like fnklds#of course u shouldnt be doing that but um. stripping someone of a job that COULD easily provide them the resources to get help#when u let actual criminals and rapists get away with far worse and still pay/provide for them is just a wild precedent
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it's annoying as hell to have my disability blog blocked by like 75% of radical disability tumblr because i don't believe in the anti-scientific concept of mind-body dualism, specifically because my specific disability outright disproves it entirely as my "mental" and "physical" symptoms are one and the same (and make me almost entirely incapable of existing in public, and therefore broadly unable to build friendships and support networks offline). good job building community for isolated housebound disabled people who need it, y'all. 10/10.
#cripplepunk#cripple punk#dyspunktional#madpunk#tagging this because i'm feeling really bitchy and feel like people need to be confronted with the reality of what their like#bullshit terminally online gatekeeping projects actually and for real do to mentally disabled cripples unable to leave the house#good job are u proud of the environment y'all have created?#do you really actually think i am CHOOSING to be housebound and do not have physical access issues?#if i could go out and make friends i Fucking Would you dipshits but i physically cannot enter most public spaces lmao?
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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do i make ashara more devoted to mythal post trespasser or do i alienate her from the evanuris entirely. is she immune to propaganda by virtue of how badly solas damaged her ability to believe in anything or is she especially vulnerable to it now bc she still WANTS to believe in anything. is she sporting subtle mythal details in her costume design or is she not
#love talking to myself on tumblr dot com <3#oc: ashara#i feel like she's always believed in the principles/vague mythos of the evanuris more than taking it all at face value#so even tho she might know the truth abt the evanuris she would still hold mythal's values of justice close to her and express it thru her#but also like. having MET mythal. and drank from her well. actually meeting not just the gods but YOUR god and her being confirmed the#''nicer'' one who tells u that ur cool and are doing a good job... idk. i think theres a possibility of her being manipulated/doubling down#and like.. she got rid of her vallaslin for solas and then HE left. her inquisition is frail her relationship with her clan is frail#her family is mostly dead lol. no arm no anchor...... like. mythal's approval + the well is all she REALLY has at this point#and she gets attached to people. to things. so so much .idk. its tricky bc shes lonely and needs some sort of SOMETHING to keep her going#but she also deeply believes in The Truth and accepting reality even if it sucks. so idk if she'd hold on to smth just out of comfort/habit#bc shes a pragmatist at heart and open to change. but like circumstances are sort of pushing her to her brink lol#i genuinely have no idea. maybe the secret third answer is that This is the problem shes facing in datv#the crisis of faith. wanting to stand by her ideals versus wanting to feel held by SOMETHING even if its a lie#and a character breakdown as a result that could go one of two ways#man its so funny talking abt her like shes a Real character i am being paid to write. insane that im doing this for free for an audience of#like 3 people who care JKJGFKJFGKJGKF
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My flavor of giftedness isn't gifted kid burnout, my flavor is "never quite burned out but now is stressing because academics aren't the same as the real world and while I'm good at academics I'm horrible at real world stuff so I'm desperately trying to find a career that's somewhat close so I don't utterly fail whenever I get a job"
#staring at the ceiling and wondering what I'll do once my job is no longer “learning for free-ish”#that's part of the reason why I wanna go in research; at least then most of my job is discovery#but I knew from the get-go that I'm a “theoretical/thinking kind of job” person and not a “hands-on job” person#that's the kind of stuff that makes me happy and that I could feasibly feel fulfilled by#but then I still can't get by on my purely theoretical knowledge alone u-u#the pain of real life is quickly approaching - soon I can't just do classes and internships; I'll have to work T-T#capitalism sucks I wish I could just do my hobbies and not have to worry about a living wage :c#intellectual giftedness#actually gifted
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ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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GRIMACE SHAKE RECIPE
i am SICK and TIRED of all these recipes online that aren't even trying, like yes of Course it will be *tasty* but raspberries blueberries and vanilla ice cream will Not taste like The Grimace Shake it will taste like a Froot Smoothie
when i tried the mcdicks version, the two flavors that immediately stood out insanely clearly to me were:
creamsicle ... and berry cap'n crunch
i was 94% sure i was riight, but didn't have a chance to test that theory ... until today >:3
that's all for my yappin here's that recipe! ingredients:
berry cap'n crunch cereal (we didn't have the 'oops all berries' it had regular mixed in, i just picked out the berry ones). blend or crush as finely as you can!
orange creamsicles
additional vanilla ice cream
milk (as needed to thin mixture)
optional black raspberry ice cream (for additional fruitiness if desired, purple colour also!)
optional whipped cream (topping)
i've only tried this once and it tasted too strongly of the cereal so i used too much of that, and i don't have exact measurements(sorry, if i try again and get closer i'll keep track and update!), but this go i did the following:
put approx 1 cup of berry crunch in blender and mix to break apart
add 3 creamsicles (minus sticks), and milk as needed, blend together
optional taste test
add 2 large scoops of ice cream, vanilla or black raspberry, depending what you have and/or how fruity the current mixture tastes, blend (add more milk if needed)
pour into cups and add whipped cream on top :3
it made about~ two good sized cupfuls, we split it in three unevenly so i'm not 100% sure lol. if you let the ice cream/creamsicles melt enough to be mixable by hand and went to absolute town on the cereal you could probably make this without a blender!
anyway go be free summon grimace and ik they dont have these anymore but dont give those clowns any money
#if you wana you can drop me a buck tho kofi links on my main page♡#grimace shake#grimace#recipe#milkshake#im sure you could add purple food colouring or something#the cereal does give it flecks of colour i bet if u added sprinkles and/or something glittery itd be real pretty#was gona get a pic but left my phone downstairs and wanted to Consume#pretty close i think! even with using too much cereal#i didnt use vanilla ice cream myself but both flavours were a bit too strong to match the grimace shake so i think adding some more to it#would make it even closer#id just been hoping there was enough in the creamsicles and was too lazy to get out another thing of ice cream lol#wouldve tried this MUCH much sooner but been between jobs and am just now finally Finally starting to get a little bit of money back up#which is gona be going right back out the window because current job is temp and the end is around the corner:'3#just me#in case it wasnt clear FUCK mcdonalds btw#free palestine#im sure capn crunch isnt great either😭 there might be store brand fruit cereals that are super similar??#if anyone tries this and wants to post a pic/give feedback or thoughts id love to see!:D
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sorry the funniest thing about hockey is that they really make these guys play in. des moines. st paul. loser ass sports cities.
#i can say this bc i have at various points in my life driven to both of these places once a week.#i mean i like st paul and i have gone to st paul sts games etc and tbh i like dsm too but it's soooo funny to me#dude living their professional sporting dream. lives in st paul. dude gets drafted to an nhl team. moves to DES MOINES#or rockford#god i don't even like Rockford but they have a banger off-season robotics comp#i can't even bear to go look at the full list of where these teams are.#mke is cool tho even tho i literally didn't know mke had a hockey team until like. last month#do u guys hate me i have strong opinions on Midwest geography. i can't believe im going to Boston for 6mo#im going to be eaten alive and then maybe move out west for one more winter OR im moving to the tc and getting a real job#hock.txt#'to the tc' I need to be an hour away or im killing myself#i worry these posts Will let u find out where I'm from but then i remember i post about it occasionally lol. if u know u know.#ALL THIS cuz i saw a pic of big dew and i was like wow he could have been one of the average-cute boys at my hs#So instead of making a mean post. I made this one.
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.
#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but#idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or#what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way#like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck#& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t#*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk#bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc#great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say#which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING#get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one#this is best left to be forgotten#so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!
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>:(
#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts#SH tw !!!!!!#this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work#and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh#and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material#he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s#even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my#barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then#this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a#horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get#/���that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry#and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head#but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur#portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on#and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally#i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and#idk it made me feel really lonely#im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed#i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad
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looked at old pics of myself at the wrong time and now im crying.,
#i always thot i was just kinda ugly and weird and lame and like. i wasnt. not that it would matter if i was but like. i wasnt i was just. me#in my memories im so mean to myself and then to like look back at who i was at that time is like. so hard like why was i so mean to myself#and why am i still so mean to myself. like who does it benefit to remember myself as awful and annoying and ugly and unlovable#like the only person in my life who thought i was all those things was me. like the only person that hated me that much was ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fine :)#this was a nice wakeup call i suppose.#also all those old pics i looked so hot im crying actual tears im so mad i could have been getting so much pussy if i wasnt so depressed#idk im just like. trying to be nice to my inner child and my inner teenager is one thing but like. being nice to me early 20s is even harde#i always thought ppl hated me and its like no bitch..... You hated YOURSELF................... anyways im dehydrated#this blog turning 13 sent me into a real spiral ill tell u WHAT.#having spent all my formative years online to then become almost completely offline after getting a job. its drama to say grieving but like#idk it felt like looking at pics of a dead relative. like it looked like me and i could remember taking those pics. but like. thats not me.#GOD. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#AND ITS ESPECIALLY CRAZY TO LOOK BACK NOW HAVING GAINED ADULT BODY WEIGHT AT PICS OF ME AS A KID WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. AND I WASNT.#AGAINNNNNNNNNNN NOT THAT IT WOULD MATTER IF I WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#but i spent my whole life being treated as FAT without actually being fat. WHICH I AM NOW. and now im the happiest and fattest ive been.#like i actually wasnt a horrible ugly fat freak of nature. i just needed to get away from my mom#i really am rambling at this point. i know i need to Look Within and Figure Out Who I Want To Be and What Kind Of Person I Want To Become#but also i have work#and the answer is some kind of transgender. one of em. thats for sure. but like. im a waitress so like. rain check that convo....#anyways. i am not a bad person. and i wish i didnt spend so much of my life convincing myself i was. but u live and u learn i fucking GUESS
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I have a question about darkness exists to make light truly count. How come the fanfic I locked to ao3 users only?
ah yeah, that was a recent change because there was evidence that popular AI bots were scanning writing share sites like A03 in order to get better at fake writing. i don’t want my writing, that i spend a lot of time and energy on, to be used by AI to spit out automated responses to prompts. so i locked all my A03 fics to be user only (hopefully preventing any bots from having access, though i’m sure that’s not 100% foolproof).
i’m not sure what the current situation is, i’ve heard the A03 legal team was aware of the problem and working on a solution but until i know for sure, i’d rather be safe than sorry. i do apologize for the inconvenience, i’m not happy about it either (traffic and comments on my A03 took a sharp dive as expected) but it’s gonna stay that way until i know for sure my writing won’t be stolen by AI. god help us if AI starts farming from tumblr (luckily our reputation isn’t that of a writing site).
#my writing#anyway if you don’t see a problem with AI ‘art’ then you’re not paying attention#and if you support AI ‘art’ then you should probably unfollow me#and dw anon ur question was totally valid it’s just that the answer is unfortunately pretty grim#cannot emphasize enough how much i hate that AI is stealing work from creatives when it could be doing so much good in the world#but if AI steals ‘real’ jobs (eyeroll) then we’d have to restructure our society around a universal income#ANYWAY. i’m done salting now LOL friendly reminder to commission artists and writers when u can#and always share how much you love their work. if you aren’t an artist or writer yourself it’s hard to understand how much it means to us
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