#jim kirk has glasses and i am right

[shigeoreum]

silly quick doodles of jim and spock meeting as a little kids ^_^

[lavender-romancer]

He's So Pretty 

Jim Kirk x Reader  CW: distress, angst, romance 

Kirk had no idea you felt the same way for him as he did for you, as you plan to leave Starfleet. Is it all too little too late for the two of you? 

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

He felt dead inside, Kirk wouldn't show it but he couldn't stand the fact you were leaving and it hurt even more that he'd never gained the courage to be honest with you. His plan was to have a meeting with you as a farewell in his Captain's quarters before you left the enterprise when they docked in Yorktown to refuel in a few weeks. But he didn't know if he could wait that long, he'd been holding this in for so long it felt like it was begging to be let out. You were too good for him and he knew that his feelings were real because he hardly ever bit his tongue but he was terrified you wouldn't feel the same as him. The only person to ever get his tongue tied, the only person who he would always be looking for in a crowd, it was unexplainable how much he cared about you. But now... now you were leaving and fuck, he wished you knew everything going on in his head. 

"You're gonna kill yourself with guilt if you don't say something," Bones said in a matter of a fact way.

"I am aware, Bones." Jim grinned because he knew how dumb and high school it all was.

"Just tell the damn girl!" Bones exclaimed.

"Oooo. What girl is this!" Both the men jumped at the sound of your voice walking into the bar, they both went silent "Awh come on, is this a boys club conversation?" You put your hands on your hips and Kirk laughed. 

"Something like that, dumbass," Kirk looked up at you and you rolled your eyes before punching his arm.

"You love me really, no matter how many times you insult me. You're gonna miss me!" You reached over the bar and grabbed some vodka making yourself a quick mixed drink. 

"More than you know," Bones muttered so only Jim heard and gave him a look. 

"Right, drink up Cap!" You cheers' with Jim and then both downed what was in your glasses. 

"No cheers for the doctor I see," Bones rolled his eyes and you shook your head 

"Absolutely not letting you run free! I'm just pouring another drink my dear doctor." You poured a vodka shot and looked at Bones who was regretting speaking up. 

"Cheers to that I s'pose!" You and Bones clinked glasses before knocking your heads back. Kirk just looked at you in awe, his eyes looking up in adoration. Bones noticed it first and smiled to himself. 

"What's with the puppy eyes, Kirk?" You teased and Jim very slightly blushed. He thought he hid it well but you couldn't help but think about how pretty he looked. 

The following week, Kirk was mentally planning when to have that meeting with you, he had two weeks left till they docked. That wasn't that much pressure but he'd been holding in these feelings for nearly 6 years and didn't really know what to do if you didn't see him the same way. Kirk had absolutely no idea how you thought of him, he knew you were friends and maybe a bit flirty from time to time but nothing that couldn't be explained by being close friends. I mean Jim flirted with everyone, he was an Aries through and through so it didn't surprise him that regardless of gender he was going to be a bit playful. But with you, he had actual physical reactions and it was like being a teenager with a pathetic crush. You gave him butterflies, you made him nervous blush and hide his face and pretend he hadn't noticed your hand on his arm. 

Kirk couldn't help but believe you knew what you were doing but it seemed so unlikely because you were so confident, you were afraid to tell someone how you felt. Why would you keep your feelings towards him hidden if they were there? 

"Y/n, you've been asked to the Captain's quarters," Nyota told you with a friendly smile. 

"Oh lordy, what kind of going away malarkey has been prepared, I wonder." You grinned at your friend and she raised her eyebrow.

"Oi you, get that mind out of the gutter," you rolled your eyes. "I'm sure it's sweet , he's always been very thoughtful when someone leaves the ship." 

"Oh I'm sure it's very personal…" she winked and you covered your mouth so you didn't laugh. 

"What merriment have you two clowns got into then?" Bones asked as he walked past with some new equipment he'd been testing. 

"You have to be nice to me, Bones. Leaving orders say so," you narrowed your eyes at him, he stopped 

"Oh is that so, Sunshine?" He raised an eyebrow "And on whose authority is that?" 

"The Captains of course, I've been summoned to his quarters for what I can only hope is an attempt to celebrate my leaving without sounding too excited," you laughed and Bones said nothing. 

"Cat got your tongue?" Nyota asked Bones, folding her arms with a smile. 

"Oh not at all, I'm just holding it so I don't gossip like some old woman." Bones raised an eyebrow and you looked at him, puzzled. 

"Well what does that mean then?" You paused and he said nothing "Bones? What are you talking about?" 

"I mean if I can get in on some gossip where Bones is involved then I'm all ears." Nyota let one side of her mouth turn up. 

"You two are out for trouble, look it's not my secret to tell so you'll just have to find out eventually yourselves." Bones gave Nyota a knowing look and you looked between the two of them till Bones looked away. 

"Well what the hell was that?" You exclaimed looking at Nyota. 

"Well now I know you have to go and see Kirk right this second," Nyota leant against the corridor wall and had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. 

"You," you pointed at Nyota, "you are a troublemaker." You laughed and headed off in the direction of Kirk's quarters. 

You had no idea what Bones was on about but deep down you hoped. You'd been pining after Jim for so long it felt like an age, you had known each other for so long that you really didn't think there was any way Jim could've gone this long without revealing his feelings. You got drunk together so often and had never even kissed, he'd never revealed any secrets about his feelings whilst inebriated. Being realistic if Kirk hadn't revealed his feelings whilst being drunk it was unlikely he had those thoughts in his head, he was so easy to get secrets out of when drunk. But you couldn't help thinking about the weird interaction between the three of you a minute ago, what did they know that you didn't? 

You knocked three times of Jims door and held the sides of your skirt with your thumbs pressing against your fingers through the fabric. It was so damn frustrating how nervous you were when you could just be walking into a normal and civil meeting. Getting your hopes up was a dangerous activity especially when it came to heartbreakers like Jim Kirk. 

"Y/n!" Jim exclaimed, opening the door with a big smile, he stood back and let you step in. 

 "To what do I owe the pleasure." You looked around the room you'd been in often and considered that you might never see it again. 

"Come sit," he gestured to the sofa with a bottle of wine on the table and two glasses. "Your departure has made me think about a lot of things." As you sat down Jim began pouring. 

"What kind of things Kirk?" You narrowed your eyes. 

"It's hard to determine, I mean definitely thinking of the past" Kirk carried on for a while, talking in what you would call filler but you weren't listening. He looked so fucking pretty, his eyebrows moving every now and then, his hair a bit ruffled after he had got changed. Jim was so so pretty and you didn't know how to focus on anything else, watching his lips move you just wanted to shut him up and kiss him. 

"Y/n?" You snapped out of it "Do you know what I mean?" Kirk asked and you had to think for a moment about what would be a neutral reply so a question you hadn't heard any of. 

"....yes?" You said in a curious tone and Jim laughed. 

"You weren't listening were you," he smiled and you giggled. 

"Not my fault you look so pretty," you mumbled into your glass as you took a drink, you thought it was quiet enough but Jim had heard and he almost choked on the wine in his own mouth. 

"Was that a compliment I just heard?" Jim tried to play it cool but his voice cracked on the last word and you burst out laughing. 

"Okay well now you deserve no explanation if you can't even get through puberty properly." You smiled at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Well I'm not the one who thinks I'm pretty, am I. Hmm?" Jim teased. 

"Well, I'M not the one who can't speak without sounding like a pre-teen." You shot back, jokingly narrowing your eyes at him. 

"You're a little shit, you know that?" Jim asked, placing his glass down. 

"Well you won't have to put up with it for too much longer will you," you joked and a silence fell between the both of you, joking like this had made Kirk forget about that fact "Are you okay, Kirk?" 

You looked deep into his eyes and it took all his willpower not to take your face in his hands and kiss you. Instead he stood up and walked around the room, hands on his hips he sighed. 

"Well now I know you're not alright," you paused and stood up, there was a distance between you both and you were slowly closing it down "What's wrong?" You asked at almost a whisper.

Kirk turned around and you were only a few steps away from him, his eyes were unreadable but looked deep into yours. He closed off the gap between the two of you and took you into a deep hug, you were caught off guard but didn't stop him. Instead you wrapped your arms around him just as tightly and leant your head on his shoulder. Closing your eyes the moment felt like forever and you didn't want to let go because it would mean you leaving him was something real. Kirk's hand went up to the back of your neck and slowly stroked your hair. The affectionate action could have made you cry if you weren't so determined to not reveal to him how you felt. 

"There's something I need to tell you, Y/n." Kirk said near your ear and you drew apart, still holding onto his arms

"What is it?" You looked into his eyes and tried to read them, glancing down at his lips you bit the inside of his cheek. 

"I've loved you ever since I've known you, Y/n. I can't help it and- and I've tried to show it but fuck, you won't let me. I can't think straight when you're around me and I've been pining after you for so long it doesn't even feel real that you're leaving now," Kirk's eyes held so much emotion you feared you might fall into them. How…how was this real? 

The silence had been considerable now and you didn't know what to do, your mouth slightly open and staring into his eyes. You couldn't find the words so you just hugged him again, closer than before. Jim held the back of your head, scared you'd slip away forever. You mumbled something against his shoulder and he perked up. 

"What was that?" He whispered and you turned your head to lay your cheek on his shoulder. 

"I can't believe this has happened, I- fuck. I wasn't expecting it," You whispered and it made Kirk so anxious that he just held you until you'd eventually slip away. 

"You can leave whenever you want," Kirk told you and you really did feel like you could but you didn't want to. Kirk may have been holding you but only because you allowed it to be so. 

"What if I don't want to?" You asked, slightly pulling away from his shoulder and looking into his eyes with a smile. 

"What?" Jim whispered, not believing what you were saying.

"What if I don't think what you're saying is crazy," you let your hands run down his arms till you were holding his hands "I don't know what you know about how I feel o-or how I…" you trailed off trying to find your words "But my feelings aren't so far from yours."

"You're making me fucking hope for something now," Kirk grinned. 

"Oh shut up, talk like the normal Jim, please. I'm not used to you being all soppy." You teased, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. 

"You mean say something like how fucking highschool this all is?" Jim gripped your hands before looking down at your lips and back to your eyes. 

"I mean I'm not surprised you come neatly packaged up with some drama." You raised an eyebrow and he just rolled his eyes. 

"Oh do shut up," he let go of your hands and put them on either side of your face before leaning forward and kissing you. 

You rested your hands on his forearms, leaning into the kiss as a warmth spread into your stomach. It was almost unbelievable that this morning neither of you knew how the other really felt and honestly you found it extremely endearing how honest Jim was. 

"All the planets, places and people to see but all I wanted was you," Jim whispered when you drew apart and leant your foreheads together. You smiled and looked at him, he looked so lovely, all happy and pink cheeked. 

"You're so pretty," you paused and he laughed "No I mean it, just so pretty." You trailed off and looked into his eyes, you could only imagine what they would look like in between your thighs…

"Someone's getting distracted by a thought, you've got that glazed over look." Jim narrowed his eyes. 

"Ohhhh, nothing…" you turned around and pulled his hand with you "Just how much prettier you'd look going down on me. You know, nothing that exciting." You sat down on the sofa and held your wine in your hand as you crossed your legs. Bringing the glass to your mouth you raised an eyebrow and Kirk ran his tongue along his top set of teeth, thinking. 

"I mean I can't say what it would look like from your point of view, but seeing you like that would be angelic," he walked towards you and knelt down Infront of you.

"Guess you'll just have to prove it won't you," You were teasing him now but Jim didn't seem to mind. 

Jim was running his hands up your thighs until he met the hem of your dress, moving his hands inwards till they met the crossover of your legs. 

"We could test your theory, you know, for research." He gave you a shit eating grin and you uncrossed your legs, leaning down to be face to face with him. 

"Come on then pretty boy, prove your worth to me." You whispered and he looked so damn excited he could burst, you always suspected Kirk had a submissive streak. 

[joaquinwhorres]

Treacherous Waters (Leonard McCoy x Reader)

SUMMARY ››››› After finals at Starfleet Academy all of the cadets flock to local bars in search of a good time. Which is exactly where you meet Leonard McCoy. And you are more than willing to show him a good time with the understanding that come Saturday morning he'll be gone, and you'll never see him again. Which is exactly what happens...until five years later your starship has a massive failure and the only ship around to save you is the Enterprise.

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,072

WARNINGS ››››› Drinking and mentions of sexy times. 

A/N ››››› Sooooo originally this was just supposed to be a “dancing in a bar with Leonard McCoy” fic but then I got an idea and well, it’s this. 

Prefer OC’s? Read it on AO3.

Finals Week at Starfleet Academy was a glorious occasion.

Or perhaps, more accurately, the Friday evening after Finals Week at Starfleet Academy was a glorious occasion. Because the Friday night of Finals Week was when the beautiful, young, pent up cadets flooded the local bars in desperate search for some unbridled fun.

Which Y/N was more than happy to provide

"Kirk's here," Kiesh hissed, her fingers digging into Y/N's arm in her excitement. Y/N flinched, and Kiesh released her quickly, but was too distracted to mutter an apology, her gaze fixated on the near mythical figure of San Francisco nightlife.

The tales that followed Jim Kirk were outlandish and obscene and wholly captivating.

There was the story of his birth aboard the USS Kelvin minutes before his father saved the lives of everyone who'd been aboard the ship.

There was the story of how he'd earned his spot in the Academy by taking on three security Lieutenants in a fist fight and walking away with no more than a bloody nose.

And of course there were the stories of his romantic conquests. Although romantic was probably not the right word for it. Carnal, sensual, lustful, and erotic all seemed a bit more descriptive of what transpired between Jim Kirk and the girls of San Francisco.

And like any mythical figure, these tales were enough to warn off a good number of girls from falling into his sheets...while prompting others to search for him to either worship or conquer themselves.

Kiesh fell firmly in the later category. She was no Kirk acolyte, but he had become a point of fixation for her because he was what no other man had been to her--unattainable.

Y/N scanned the crowd for the golden haired casanova, but the bar was too packed. It was an ocean of voices and species and color, all flowing to the electric undercurrent that ran throughout the bar. Y/N's eyes caught on the blood red uniforms of cadets too eager to indulge their youth to waste any time by going home and changing clothes.

Two palms pressed into either side of Y/N's face as her roommate turned her attention away from the cadets, past groups of people wearing the colorful and patterned designs native to their home planet, and to the end of the neon purple bar. There, just visible between the bodies of two friends having a chugging contest, was Jim Kirk with his head thrown back laughing.

"He's gorgeous," Y/N murmured. She'd figured he had to be, but it was one thing to hear about Adonis and another thing completely to see him in person. Kiesh's hands fell from Y/N's head, allowing the other girl to turn back to her. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"I might not make it to breakfast." A coy smile curled Kiesh's lips up as she started off through the crowd, disappearing amongst the crowd.

Y/N followed her progress, watching the other girl choose a space at the bar directly in Kirk's line of sight, sliding into the chair and tossing her long purple hair over one shoulder to reveal the expanse of skin from her neck to her chest, and then below the crop top.

And then she waited.

Watching Kiesh work was a sight to behold. Each trap was delicately set, carefully tailored to the man she'd picked on that given night. She planned each movement--the way she walked, the angle of her body against the bar, the look she painted on her face--to snag men like a siren, luring them into her dangerous waters.

As much as she wanted to see this play out, Y/N had other more important things to accomplish.  Like finding her own catch for the night. And she wasn't going to do that by standing in one spot all night.

If Kiesh was a siren, then Y/N was a shark, moving constantly throughout the room in search of the perfect prey. She weaved in and out of small groups, eyes scanning the members therein. There were groups of friends laughing together, cadets challenging each other to drinking games, girls who like her and Kiesh came with one purpose in mind, and others who came to have a good time by themselves, cadets be damned.

But it wasn't until her fourth slow, methodical lap that she saw him. Or rather, she saw Kirk slap him on the back with a large grin before making his way over to where Kiesh leaned on her elbows. More than the broadness of his shoulders, the tussle of dark hair, and the deep red color of his uniform, it was the scowl he was shooting at Kirk's back that caught her attention and drew her across the bar to him as if smelling blood in the water.

"You look like a man who doesn't dance," Y/N said, folding her arms on the back of what was once Kirk's chair. It took him almost three seconds to realize that she was talking to him, and when he did, he lifted his eyebrows--the look an interesting combination of amusement and apprehension.

"Well, that's a first," he remarked. There was just a trace of an accent under his words that Y/N couldn't quite place.

"I highly doubt I'm the first person to notice," Y/N said, rocking on the balls of her feet. "Unless of course I'm wrong, and you're constantly barraged with requests to hit the dance floor."

He exhaled a laugh, the sound sailing past his lips, and into the glass he lifted up to his mouth. "You're not wrong," he said, taking a sip of his liquor and then placing it back down on the bar in front of him.

"Didn't think so. I rarely am."

He gave her a cautious look out of the corner of his eye as if still unsure where this conversation was going and why she was talking to him. As if people chatted up strangers in bars just to pass the time.

"So, since you don't dance, that begs the obvious question…what's a man like you doing in a place like this?"

He cracked a smile then, slowly tilting his head to look at her, really look at her, for the first time. "Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"Only if you subscribe to archaic 20th century gender norms," Y/N shrugged, smiling back at him. "Besides," she leaned closer, tipping her head towards his conspiratorially, and he shifted closer as well. "I don't think it's much of a mystery for me. I mean, look at our clothes."

His eyes wandered down to her deep V halter before seeming to realize he was still in his reds. "Fair point," he conceded, pulling back a little to take another sip of his drink.

"So?"

"A friend dragged me out," he admitted, eyes sliding back over to her. She raised both of her eyebrows as if she was surprised and didn't see Kirk abandoning him just five minutes ago.

"And left you to fend for yourself in a dive like this?" She shook her head as if scandalized by the idea. "You need better friends."

The cadet snorted and nodded his head. "You've got that right."

"Well, you're very lucky I found you before another girl did," Y/N said, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"That so?"

She nodded. "They may try to take advantage of you in such a defenseless state. All alone by the bar nursing a...what is that, whiskey?"

"Bourbon, actually." His eyes sparkled with an intoxicating warmth similar to the liquor he was drinking.

Y/N rolled her eyes lightly. "Same thing."

"Only technically."

"Technicalities are everything," she grinned. "Anyway, I'm willing to offer my protective services as a long time San Francisco resident to navigate these treacherous waters."

"You're from here?" he asked, genuine curiosity overtaking his features for the first time in their conversation. Y/N's smile turned a bit strained, but she nodded.

"Not quite. But I've been here for fifteen years. Just haven't figured out how to drop the accent," she shrugged.

"So are you from England then?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Next round's on me if you can guess where."

"Lon…" he started, and a grin grew across Y/N's face before he switched course. "Birmingham?"

She shook her head. "London."

"You tricked me," he accused lightly, his brow furrowing slightly but into more of mock offense and surprise at her cunning than anything else.

"You're highly suggestible," she shook her head, fighting to keep a smile down. "Which brings me back to the fact that you absolutely cannot remain alone in this bar tonight. It's far too dangerous for you."

"Guess I'll have to take you up on that offer then, darlin'." His smile was more subtle--apparently the fight to keep it off his face was going better for him.

"Y/N," she corrected, lifting her hand to offer it to him.

The man took it, his fingers surprisingly soft for a cadet. "Leonard," he answered.

Y/N let her hand linger in his, not pulling back until his grip loosened and his fingers trailed against hers to go back around his glass. She leaned her elbow on the back of the chair, placing her chin on top of her hand. "So Leonard," she asked. "Are you going to buy me a drink or am I working for free?"

He smirked, lifting a hand to call the bartender over as Y/N slid into the seat next to him, leaning her arms against the smooth chrome bar. The Tellarite bartender made his way over, and Leonard looked at Y/N.

"Well are you going to order or sit there staring at each other?" the bartender snapped. Leonard shot him a dirty look, and Y/N snorted.

"I'll have a Samarian Sunset on his tab," she ordered, pointing a finger at Leonard, and the man grunted. Leonard still looked rather displeased with the exchange but ordered himself another bourbon. The bartender walked away grumbling, and even Leonard looked rather grumpy.

"You know that's just his way of greeting right?" Y/N asked, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "Tellarites consider it polite to attempt to start an argument when meeting someone. If he wasn't mildly insulting I would have been majorly insulted."

"And I thought you were kidding about being a guide."

"I would never," Y/N said with mock indignation, placing a hand over her heart. "Leonard, I take my promise to you very seriously. I will be at your side all night."

"All night?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

"All night," Y/N repeated with a nod, keeping her eyes locked on Leonard. He met her gaze with an intensity that made her stomach twist with delight.  And of course it was right then that bartender reappeared.

He placed a martini glass full of clear liquid in front of Y/N, and a rocks glass with amber liquor in front of Leonard before making a derisive noise in his throat and walking away. Leonard didn't seem to mind as much this time.

"Cheers," Y/N said, reaching forward with her glass, and Leonard clinked his against hers, lifting it to his lips. She watched intently as she swirled her own drink so that a luminescent gold wisp spiraled out, turning the clear liquor the color of a burning sun. He pulled the glass from his lips, and she returned her attention to her own drink, taking a slow sip before placing it back down on the bar.

"So, Leonard," Y/N let the name roll off her tongue teasingly. "Tell me about yourself. Where are you from? What are you studying?"

"I'm a medical student," he said, setting his own glass down. "And I'm from Georgia."

"Ooh, a doctor and a southern gentleman," Y/N teased, shimmying her shoulders. "My mother would be so proud of me."

"Who said I'm a gentleman?" he asked with raised eyebrows, leaning closer to her. Y/N's mouth fell open slightly before she caught herself, stopping her body from melting completely right there in the seat.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Leonard," she quipped, taking a sip of her drink.

"If you didn't want a good time then why did you come over here?" he asked, and Y/N grinned at him.

"Because you look like a man who doesn't dance."

"Well darlin," Leonard started, his eyes sparkling with the slightest bit of mischief and a look on his face that was enough to make something delicious twist in the pit of Y/N's stomach. "The night's still young."

The night grew in both the amount of time passed and the amount of drinks finished. It was hard to state exactly how much of either had slipped away from the two of them as their glasses had been cleared a few times, but the world was just a bit lighter and hazier at the edges than was usual and the crowd slightly thinner than it had been when Y/N entered.

"Well, darlin'," Leonard's accent had grown heavier with the liquor, words dripping like molasses from his lips. "I should be gettin' back before curfew."

Y/N exhaled, the sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. "Leonard," she said slowly, dragging out the word. Her own accent adding a richness to her words that had been precise and sharp earlier in the evening. "I thought I made it quite clear that I wasn't leaving your side all night, so you can't go running off to the dorms on me now."

"Need me to walk you home?" he asked, pausing from putting on his coat to settle the tab.

"Such a southern gentleman," the words rolled like waves from her, her voice rising and falling as he lifted an eyebrow at the screen he was signing. "Yes, I require an accompaniment home," she mocked. "And then I need you to pick a side you want me on for the next part of our night: top or bottom."

Leonard's eyes darkened, pupils blown wide before grabbing her hand and leaving the bar behind.

The cab ride to her apartment was...restrained. The two of them sat shoulder to shoulder in the backseat, eyes focused ahead through the windshield. Even as Y/N's hand drifted from her own lap into his, venturing up his thigh, both of them remained focused on the passing San Francisco streets. Leonard's hand came on top of her own. "Just wait, darlin'," he said, his words dripping with the richness of molasses as he folded his hand around hers.

"It's not polite to make a lady wait," Y/N quipped, shooting him a look out of the corner of her eye.

He snorted but made no attempt at a retort, instead patiently holding her hand until the cab stopped. Y/N opened her door, dragging Leonard by the hand and towards her apartment building.

The ride on the elevator was just as restrained as the cab drive, only instead of the beautiful lights of downtown, the pair stared at their distorted reflection in the sleek chrome doors.

There was a hum in the elevator though. Inaudible, but she could feel it singing across her skin, radiating from each part of her body that touched Leonard's. She bit her lip, and could feel Leonard look down at her. She allowed her gaze to slide over to him, drifting up to his face, meeting his eyes, already dark and boring into hers.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the doors slid open, pulling their attention away from each other and out of the elevator.

The pair walked down the hallway, stopping outside of her door so she could punch in the code. It took two tries for her to get it before the door clicked and she pushed it open, revealing her dark apartment. Y/N ventured in first, turning to invite Leonard in, but she'd barely opened her mouth before her face was in his hands, and he was walking her back into the wall.

The light switch jammed into her shoulder blade, and she felt a bit off balance, but his lips moved over hers with such a ferocity, it pushed everything else from her mind. Instead, all she could focus on was the feeling of his lips against hers, the taste of the sharp tang of alcohol he'd been drinking all evening. He invaded her senses, making it impossible to think of anything other than pulling him closer to her.

Y/N wound her fingers into his hair, urging him nearer to her, which he did, stepping forward, and moving a hand from her face to her waist, pulling her flush against him. His other hand wandered down to her chest as his lips began a journey down the curve of her neck. "I don't usually do this type of thing," he murmured against her skin.

"Go home with--ah--a strange woman from the--fu--the bar?" Y/N panted, pushing her hips into his for a taste of the friction she needed.

He pulled himself away from her collarbone to look up at her with hooded eyes. "Exactly."

"You're missing out," Y/N grinned, chest heaving. "Now take off your clothes so I can prove it to you."

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of bare skin and desperate sounds and more pleasure than Y/N had gotten out of a night out in a while.

It almost made her sad to see him go in the morning. Almost.

But him leaving was always a part of her plan for Saturday morning. Whether it was before or after breakfast, he would walk out of her apartment, never to be seen again. Instead, he'd fade into a memory of lips trailing against skin, fingers tangling in hair, bed frame rattling into the wall.

At least that's what was supposed to happen.

She wasn't supposed to see him again.

And she especially wasn't supposed to see him in a starship's transporter room, rushing towards her as she pressed her hand into Kiesh's side, desperate to keep the blood inside of her friend's body and not spilling out onto the transporter pad. He wasn't supposed to be there. And neither was she.

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):

Balance of Terror

Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."

Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.

The Ultimate Computer

Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"

Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."

Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.

The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").

Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.

There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.

The Trouble With Tribbles

Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).

All Our Yesterdays

Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.

He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"

Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.

Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.

When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."

Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.

Of Bread and Circuses

Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.

Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."

First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.

So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)

[kairoscelrosis]

ST: Into Darkness

So I watched into darkness after a really long time, and for the first time after watching ST: WOK. And I liveblogged it.

*spoilers* 

Jim's so disappointed that Enterprise got taken away from him. owo

Aahh Carol Marcus is British

Scotty has a moral compass (which I feel TOS Scotty does as well)

When Kirk learns that Spuhura are fighting, and then the lift opens and Spock's about to enter, he looks at both of them. It really gives me the vibes that he knows both his partners are angry at him 😂

Bones McCoy: a dictionary of metaphors

Yaayyy Sulu on the chairrrr

Whaaatttt???? Sulu references Mudd (Harry freaking Mudd) in the movieeee!!!!! (He says: Acting Captain Sulu to Shuttle Bay 2. Please have the trade ship we confiscated during the Mudd incident last month fueled and flight ready) !!!!!

"If you test me, you WILL fail."

The way Bones' expression changesss 😂

"Mr. Sulu, remind me to never piss you off."

"I am not the only one who is upset at you. The Captain is too." "No no no no don't drag me into this."

"She IS right" spirkkkkk

"Captain we will not fit" "We'll fit. WE'LL FITTT."

"I told you we'll fit." "I am not sure that qualifies." 🤣

Why do the Klingons look so different???

Why is Benedict's voice so deep? Like deeper than usual.

SPUHURA 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Tho i hate that a british dude played KHAN, you can't deny Benedict's Khan has charisma

Carol Marcus says "I am a friend of Christine Chapel's" like what??? JJ do you even know that Christine would never be engaged with Kirk in a romantic relationship??? That he's not her type??? 🤢

"Any idea what caused it?" "No sir. But I expect full responsibility." Aww my baby chekov 🥺

"Jim? You're gonna wanna see this." Ooohhhhhh

Okay... so wasn't this Khan a dictator as well? Or like, did the Eugenics war never happen in AOS? Did JJ do this so that Khan would be morally grey? Cuz he loves Benedict? IDK

"I'm sorry." Ohh Kirk my bby 🥺🥺

SCOTTYYYYYY HELL YEAHHH YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER *cries in jimmy doohan*

"Captain, I strongly object." "To what? I haven't said anything yet." Bitch you really think he doesn't sense your crazy ideas?

"'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.'" "An Arabic proverb attributed to a pronce who was betryed and decapitated by his own subjects." 🤣🤣

Grab at the shoulder and "I cannot allow you to do this." and an almost "Jim"

"The Enterprise and her crew need someone in that chair that knows what he's doing... and that's not me." You can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces in the background.

How Jim's about to cry during that dialogue 🥺🥺🥺

Is there like... a competition going on between Pine and Benedict Cumberbatch trying to decide who's eyes are bluer???? Because I can't see anybody winning

"Captain. You can't even guarantee the safety of your own crew." Ooohh I so wanna punch you in the face. 👊

Aaaahhhhh TRIBBLLEEEEEEE

New Vulcaaaannn!!!! Our Spock's coming baaaackkkkkk yaaayyy

Aahh Sulu you are so talented

"This door is very wee. I mean, you know, small" 🤣

"It's gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, into your shot glass." "It's okay. I've done it before" Khan: 👀

"It's not easy. Just give me two seconds, all right, you mad bastard!" 😂😂

Bones, sitting down to watch the most scary movie of his life: Tell me this is gonna work.

Spock, shivering with fear in his seat: I have neither the information nor the confidence to do so, Doctor. 😂😂😂😂

Bones: 👀 👀 Boy, you're a real comfort.

Omg Sulu's so nervous and worried 🥺

I actually kinda DO like the transitions.

"You're big." 😂

"Spock, if I get back, we really need to talk about you bedside manner." Why is everyone so pbsessed with bedside manner in Star Trek😂😂

Scotty 😂😂😂 wheezing and panting, complaining he can't do it but he does 😂😂😂

Shitt the momentum!!! How would they have filmed that??? Rolling and rolling and rolling

LEONARDDD NIMOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Mr. Spock." "Mister Spock." Aaahhhhhhhhhh you both wanna kill meeeee 😂😂😂

He deserved that slap!!! GO CAROLL!!!!

"Where'd ya find this guy?" Ohh Scotty 😂

Spock!Prime really be like, "I can't tell you about it, but I am my own master, so I will. 😂

"Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous adversary the Ebeterprise ever faced. He is brilliant, ruthless, and he will not hesitate to kill every single one of you." *cries in Ricardo Montalban*

"Did you defeat him?" "At great cost. Yes." Aaaaahhhhhhh how would you know the great costt spocckkkkk😭😭

The sudden appearance of the man scared the shit outta mee😂😂

"Where's Khan?" AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JIM SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO SPOOCCKKKK

Yaayyyy "Damn it, man, I'm a doctor not a torpedo technician!" 😂😂

"This way." Whewww.

Aaahh he's awakeeeee.

Yesss that's my Jim Kirk. No killing. Yes.

Aahhhhhhhhh. Wtf why're you punching Jimmmmm

Aahh Carolll ahahhh

Omg wtfffffffff nooooooooo frickfrickfrickfrickfrickk that was baaaddd

"Oh, you are smart, Mr. Spock." I really do wanna punch you in the face.

I will repeat myself. Having said that a white dude playing Khan is irritating, Benedict really does play him well.

Aahhh the ploy is same like the one in ST: WOK!! This time, it is Spock playing the game!!!

"Vulcans do not lie." Spock lies.

"No ship shoild go down without her captain." *silent screaming*

OMG he's firinggggg

"He armed the damn torpedoes." Is that pride I hear, Kirk

"Not bad, Commander." "Thank you, Lieutenant." XDDDD

Smarty pants Spock XD

WTF is Uhura doing in the Med Bay???

"Good to see you, Jim."

"Spock's cold, but he's not that cold. I've got Khan's crew." Awww :))))

"Seventy two human popsicles, safe and sound in their cryo tubes" POPSICLES😂😂😂😂

"Son of a bitch!"

"I hope you don't get seasick." 😂

"I will remain behind and divert all power to life supprt and evacuation shuttle bays." 🥺🥺

Sulu: Shut up, BITCH.

"I order you to abandon this ship!" The voice his voice cracks 😭 Who says Spock doesn't feel????

"All due respect, Commander, but we're not going anywhere." YEAAHHHH SULUUUUU GOOOO

"One day I've been off this ship! One bloody day!" Same, Scotty, same.

Hah. Running on walls😂

CHEKOV MY HEROOOOOO

Smart baby Chekov exclaiming in Russian.

"The ship's dead sir. She's gone." 😭😭😭

"You're not making the climb" JIM NOOOOO OH GOD YOU SELF SACRIFICING IDIOT.

Jim coming back to belt Scotty into place 🥺

How's he gonna do that????

Aaahh that oit of the clouds shot justttt 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Sulu's so HAPPYYY uwu

"It's a miracle." "There are no such things." Wait till you get to know Spock.

"Sir, you'd better get down here. Better hurry." *traumatic WOK flashbacks*

"How's OUR ship?" "Out of danger."

"That's a nice move." Is Jim referring to Chess????? You really have the nerve to do that???

"It is what you would have done." "And this, this is what you would have done." *TOS 😭😭😭😭*

"It was only logical."

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be."😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I do not know. Right now I am failing." 😭😭😭

"Because you are my friend."😭😭😭

That Vulcan kisssssss 😭😭😭😭😭

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JIMMMM

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Why tf is everyone wearing those weird goggles???

I don't like Zoe Saldana as Uhura AT ALL.

The way Zach's bangs are flying😂

BONEESSSSSS 😭😭😭

Yeaah yeah yeah yeah yeah that tribbleeee

How tf did spock jump that high???

Why doesn't he like nerve pinch him???

Why can't they use the blood of the man in the cryo???? They have the same blood right???

"You get that son of a bitch back on board right now!"

Ohnonononono he's tryna crush Spock's skull.

Shit Spock why so angry NOOOOOO

Yeah Spock stops when he hears the name 'Kirk'.

"You were barely dead." 😂

"Tell me, are you feeling homicidal? Pwer mad? Despotic?"

"Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know." Ohh bones😆😆

Spock called Kirk JIMMMMMMMMMMM

But, like, why didn't they kill Khan off??? He can be awakened again, can't he??? Like????

I love their formal uniforms!!!

Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my introooooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺

"C'mon Bones, it's gonna be fun."

"Five years in space. God help me." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The fond look Spock has on his faceeeee

And on Jim's face toooooo

"I defer to your good judgement, Captain." 🥺🥺🥺

[movedto-mastcrmarksman]

Others would take Clint as a downer, or their expressions would paint with concern. They might suggest that he get out here or offer some kind of alternative, worry even that he's already breaking sobriety although most probably didn't know that he was trying now.

He may have been avoiding McCoy because he would 9be on his ass about the glass in his hand; it would have been coming from a good place. However, he wasn't being a downer. Not really, he was challenging himself and proving that he had the power to make good decisions and right choices for himself. Later, he'll talk to his friend about the challenge and wants.

For the moment, for the night; he's just settling into his second, fourth, ninth chance. Clint wasn't going to exclude himself from the celebration, not directly involved, but watching from near enough.

❝ Use and abuse, but I got 'ere. Proved I could make it. ❞ He mumbles, but Jim seems to get what he was saying. Clint's thinking about that, the aptitude tests and interviews. The answers he had spun, half truths and hoping that he wasn't caught out to be some fraud; he wasn't a fraud but he didn't believe at the time he was going to be cut out for this.

A certainty that he was going to wash out. That's not the case anymore.

Clint laughs when Kirk ponders if his poison was the adrenaline. That's always been his poison, ❝ I wasn't the clearest about what I was doing before all this, but adrenaline has always been my mistress. I use to do stunts dropping from a hundred feet, no, uh, safeties or anything. ❞ He's done a lot more than that, and Clint will still brag about that life if even the chance. Risk the chance of being found out he use to run with some the biggest con artists on Earth.

The new captain doesn't miss a beat with that reminder that Clint's not sure why he's denying that his life was getting better, turning around. I'd rather drink apple juice with you was not comradiery that Clint had ever known. While his brother and him may have defended each other from their father, but life earlier on had everybody survive for himself.

Such a sentiment isn't one that he has known, ❝ Honestly, a cold glass of milk with chocolate in it would be my substitute. ❞ A light suggestion if there are any futures where Kirk shares a drink with Clint. He's saying nothing on the proud comment, when he had announced how long and it hadn't been that long, he's managed to battle his liquor demons off.

A smile is earned with a laugh, glad that the glass doesn't go to waste, and Jim's boisterious becomes infectious, ❝ Guess I must'va been saving that for you. ❞ He comments as Kirk downs the glass in a go.

Clint was excited, he may not seem like it and that's a lot of bullcrap about Starfleet and sciences thar he doesn't care for. No excitement there, but he passed the piloting courses; its nothing like what he use to doing, but he liked it. ❝ Oh, I am. ❞ Deathly terrified, hated the idea of no dirt and blue skies; but he's always was one for challenging death. Space is death (and disease adds another voice), he really did spend too many nights at McCoy's.

❝ Definitely not looking back. Nothing in Iowa will be missed, certainly no worse place than Iowa. ❞

Jim  doesn’t  view  his  friend’s  melancholy  as  rain  on  his  parade.       rather,       he’s  almost  scared  to  ask  what  the  cause  is.       the  amber  glimmer  of  the  liquid  resting  idly  in  his  glass  doesn’t  go  unnoticed.       doubt  virtually  bubbles  in  his  throat,       but  before  it  can  form  into  words  stringing  a  question,       he  shoves  them  down  in  the  depths  of  his  heart.

he  trusts  him.       although  they  are  not  yet  as  close  as  they’re  destined  to  be  in  the  following  years,       there’s  an  inexplicable,       established  system  of  gravity  between  the  sun       &       the  moon,       both  equally  in  need  of  each  other.       ❝          yeah,       i  remember.          ❞       he  confirms  quietly,       barely  wiping  the  grin  off  his  face  with  Clint’s  commentary.      

❝          it  sounds  like  alcohol  had  its  uses  for  you  when  you  needed  it,       but  that  doesn’t  mean  it  has  to  stick  around  forever.          ❞       he  adds  as  he  recalls  his  interview.       he’s  convinced  that  the  real  reason  they  let  Kirk  in  was  so  that  he  would  shut  up       &       stop  being  disrespectful,       annoying       &       a  proud  display  of  ego  with  a  basis  in  his  aptitude  tests.      

those  on  the  Enterprise,       especially  Clint,       are  not       EMPTY       people.       not  talent,       no,       empty  hearts       &       minds                             there’s  no  such  concept  on  his  ship.       holy  shit,       he  has       HIS       ship.       he  reaches  for  the  other’s  glass  slowly,       his  index  finger  drawing  a  circle  on  the  rim,       his  grip  gently  undulating  the  liquid.      

❝          what’s  your  poison  now       ?       we  always  switch  one  thing  for  the  other.       is  it  the  adrenaline  rush  of  being  in  near-death  situations       ?          ❞

clearly,       they  have  plenty  of  those  in  Starfleet.       there  will  be  no  shortage.       his  words  are  mere  quips       &       that  fact  is  revealed  when  his  tone  shifts,       losing  its  mirth  for  sincerity.       ❝          i’m  proud  of  you,       you  know       ?          ❞       a  shake  of  his  head,       he  sighs  into  the  glass  he  brings  to  his  lips.       ❝          i’d  rather  have  apple  juice  with  you  than  have  this  by  myself,       but  i  better  not  let  it  go  to  waste.          ❞       with  one  motion,       he  finishes  off  the  glass.

boisterous       &       bright,       Jim  continues  to  act  like  Jim.       ❝          get  excited       !       we’re  gonna  have  so  much  fun  out  there       !       i  won’t  even  look  back  at  Iowa,       not  even  once.       i  don’t  think  so.       i'm  not  sure  if  you  will  either.          ❞

[thatfanficstuff]

Married? - Spock

Pairing: Spock x Wife!Reader; Bones x Friend!Reader

Warnings: blood, injury

A/N: I combined a request for a kind of quirky Spock marriage fic and a hurt/comfort fic for spock. Enjoy. I’ll be trying to work through all these requests over the next few days. 

***

Bones hurried beside you as they rushed you to the medbay. The two of you had been on an away mission when you’d recklessly thrown yourself between him and a large beast with sharp claws and too many teeth. You’d managed to kill the thing but not before it took a good swipe at your chest. Bones had done his best to stop the bleeding with what he had on hand but he needed the equipment in the medbay to see to you properly.

As soon as you passed through the doors, he began barking orders and started trying to seal the deep wounds while also attempting to keep you infection free. Who knew what that creature had on its claws? “Give her the whole range of antibiotics,” he told one of the nurses. “There’s too big of a risk for infection.”

“Where is she?” a familiar voice bellowed and Bones frowned at M’Benga as they both worked on you.

The other doctor voiced his thoughts. “That sounds like Spock, but it can’t be. Not yelling like that.”

Before Leonard could agree with him, the voice came again. “Where is Y/N?”

“You got this?” Bones asked as the bleeding had all but stopped. All that remained was sealing up the wounds and making certain you weren’t in pain.

M’Benga nodded and McCoy stepped out of the room to find that it was indeed the Vulcan pitching a fit in the middle of his medbay. Bones took him by the arm and steered him to a chair. “Spock. What is the matter of you? Sit down.”

“Where is she, doctor? Where is my wife?”

He furrowed his brow, now concerned for both of his friends. He pulled out his penlight to check Spock’s eyes. “You do realize that the two of you aren’t actually married, don’t you? You were only posing as husband and wife for the mission.”

“I beg your pardon, doctor, but you are mistaken.” He shoved Bones hand aside so the light would quit shining in his face. “If you will check her records, you will see that I am listed as both her spouse and her emergency contact. Now, for the last time, where is my wife?”

It was rare for Bones to see Spock angry, but at the moment he was furious. And he obviously believed everything he was saying. Bones glanced around looking for a PADD. Even as he grabbed one, he held his other hand up in front of Spock. “She’ll be okay, Spock. M’Benga’s making sure all the bleeding has stopped and we treated her to prevent infection. Just calm down. She’s sedated at the moment anyway.”

Bones quickly pulled up your file and his brows lifted in surprise as he saw that it did indeed list Spock as your husband. When the hell had that happened? And why had Kirk told you two to pretend to be married for the mission?

Kirk came through the door but a moment later and patted Spock on the shoulder. “She’ll be okay. She’s tough.”

“Or course, Captain.” Spock sounded much more agreeable than he had earlier but a muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Jim, can I have a word?” Bones asked even as he pulled the captain across the medbay and into his office. He pointed at his PADD. “When the devil did this happen?”

Kirk shrugged. “Not sure actually. They were married before she joined the crew. I thought you knew.”

“Literally no one knows, Jim. Trust me on this. Why did you tell them to pretend to be married for the mission then?”

“I didn’t. I told Spock he better introduce her as his wife. It seemed the smart thing to do given their opinion on unmarried females.”

Leonard felt a sharp pain settle somewhere near his temple and closed his eyes. He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “I’m going to go check on the Mrs. You should check on Spock.”

Bones stopped before he walked into your room and observed through the glass. M’Benga and the nurses were gone and in their place was a much calmer Vulcan. Spock held your hand in his and brushed your hair back from your forehead.

“They’re so cute together,” one of the nurses said as she came to stand beside him.

Bones gave her a quick glance. “Yeah. Cute.”

“Did you really not know they were married, Dr. McCoy? I thought everyone knew.”

He closed his eyes and counted to five before stepping into the room. Spock glanced up then turned his attention back to you. “She’ll wake in a bit, Spock. It’s better to let her come out of it naturally.”

“Yes. Thank you, Doctor. I apologize for my earlier outburst.”

“It’s fine, Spock, and understandable given the circumstances. I’m sorry I wasn’t aware the two of you were married.”

“It is quite all right. I don’t believe we have had occasion to discuss the matter though I believed it to be obvious.”

“You owe me a ring, Spock,” your voice was weak and McCoy was by your side in an instant.

Spock stood and held a cup for you to take a drink from.

Bones checked your wounds to make sure everything looked okay. “How you feeling, sweetheart?”

You nodded and pushed yourself up so you were sitting in the bed. “I’m okay, Len. Not feeling much of anything at the moment.” You tugged on Spock’s hand and turned your attention to him. “I told you the next time someone was surprised we were married and you said it was obvious, you had to buy me a wedding ring.”

He kissed the back of your hand. “As you wish, ashayam.”

“So, I’m not the only one that didn’t know?” Bones asked, slightly relieved.

You gave a little laugh. “Of course not. I think he finds it amusing when people are surprised. I don’t know why. It’s not as if Vulcan’s are prone to public displays.”

“I am being very affectionate at the moment, wife.”

You waved him off. “That’s only because I scared you.”

Spock pressed his forehead to yours. “I will gladly kiss you soundly in the middle of the bridge on a daily basis if you promise not to scare me like that ever again.”

“Now that I would very much like to see,” you teased and as your husband closed the small distance between your lips, Bones backed out of the room. There were some things he was quite happy not witnessing.  

[scarletwidowvibes]

Other Times

Spock x Fem!Reader

Warning!: Swearing

“What the fuck Jim?” You ask, staring at the former first officer.

“I didn’t expect him to throw us off the ship!” Jim exclaims while throwing his hands up.

“Well now he has and we’re stranded on this ice planet so bravo!” You yell at him.

Jim turns at the sound of something heavy hitting the ground. You turn in time to see some monstrosity that almost looks like a bear running at you two.

“Oh this is your fault!” Jim yells, grabbing your hand and running from the... animal. 

“How is this just my fau- what the fuck!” You yell when another monstrosity, this time a huge red... lizard? eats the bear thing.

Jim screams in confusion and you both start running from the lizard thing, jumping over a cliff and into snow.

“Into that cave!” You yell, pointing to an opening in a glacier and you and Jim start running again. 

Unfortunately the lizard thing is small enough to fit into the cave and backs you and Jim into a corner.

“Oh brilliant idea Y/n!” Jim yells over the roar of the lizard thing.

Before you can respond fire is thrown at the lizard thing and it backs off and out of the cave. The man who’s holding the torch turns and furrows his brows at the two of you.

“James Tiberius Kirk and Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n.” The old man says. 

“A friend of yours?” You ask Jim who in turn shakes his head.

“I am Spock.” The old man, Spock, says.

“You know I kind of see a resemblance.” You say before being pushed into the snow by Jim.

“Bullshit.” Jim says.

~~~~~~~~~~

You and Jim sit with Ambassador Spock for who knows how long, listening to him tell his story.

“Wow, so you and Jim are besties? Could’ve fooled me.” You say, leaning against the glacier wall.

“Yes, me and Jim are very close. But you and I, Y/n, are married.” Ambassador Spock says causing Jim to choke.

“Oh my god! You and Spock are married?” Jim asks through his very loud laughter. You roll your eyes and push him over, into the snow.

“Well then why did you throw me off the Enterprise?” You ask.

“Right now I am experiencing pain I never thought I could. My planet has been destroyed and as you both say my mother has died. Currently I am trying to do what I think is most logical.” Ambassador Spock explains. “Jim, you need to expose my pain to the crew and make me realize that I have been emotionally compromised. Then you must become captain of the Enterprise, make me your first officer, and defeat Nero.”

“Sure, that sounds simple enough.” Jim says, rubbing his head with his hands.

“Okay aside from all that thrilling stuff, we are still stuck on a ice planet with no way to get back into the Enterprise.” You remind the two of them.

“There is a Star Fleet officer on this planet and we will need his help.” Ambassador Spock says, gesturing for you and Jim to follow him.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh great! Finally you brought me some food!” A Scottish man says, sitting back in a chair. He starts an argument with his friend while you and Jim look at each other with confusion.

“You are Montgomery Scott.” Ambassador Spock says, to which the Scottish man nods.

“Scotty yes, and this here is Keenser.”  Scotty says, pointing at his friend.

“I am Ambassador Spock, this is Y/n and Jim.” Ambassador Spock introduces your little group.

“Okay that’s great and all but do you have any food?” Scotty asks.

“Uh I have some cheese puffs.” You say, taking the bag of cheese puffs and handing them over to Scotty. Ambassador Spock and Jim turn to you with raised brows but you just shrug.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ambassador Spock pulls you aside while Keenser, Scotty, and Jim get the launch pad prepared.

“Y/n, when Jim reveals my true emotions I will be very distraught. You will need to try and comfort me to the best of your abilities.” He tells you.

“I mean I’ll try but I can’t promise anything.” You reply. He nods and then gestures for you to join Scotty and Jim on the launch pad.

“Live long and prosper.” Is the last thing you hear before being transported into the Enterprise.

“Uh Jim, where’s Scotty?” You ask. You and Jim look around before hearing someone knock from inside one of the water containers.

“Scotty?” Jim asks but Scotty gets sucked into a tube before he can answer.

“Oh my god, Scotty!” You yell chasing after him. Jim follows close behind, trying to find a way to open something so Scotty can at least breathe.

You’re standing under a panel, watching Scotty zoom towards you when Jim pulls a lever, opening the panel and dropping Scotty onto you.

“Ow! What the hell Jim?” You yell, taking Scotty’s hand as he helps you up.

“Who told you to stand under the panel?” Jim asks, beginning to walk towards the bridge.

“You could’ve given me a warning.” You counter.

“Sorry to interrupt but are you two always like this?” Scotty asks but before you can answer there’s a phaser pointed at your face.

“You’re coming with me... cupcake!” A man yells at Jim. You and Scotty give each other a look.

~~~~~~~~~~

“We are travelling at warp speed how did you get aboard the Enterprise?” Spock asks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Jim replies. Spock looks to you next but you’re to busy waving at Bones. Finally his eyes land on Scotty.

“Are you a Star Fleet officer?” He asks Scotty who just nods, “How did you board this vessel.”

Scotty starts to explain but Jim cuts him off which puts him in a very awkward middle position. 

“You know I don’t think I should get involved.” Scotty says, backing up. You try to hide your laughter with a cough which unfortunately makes everyone look at you.

“Hey could we get some towels?” You ask, gesturing to you and Scotty who are soaked. Bones sighs and calls someone down at the medbay to bring towels up to the bridge.

You and Scotty slowly sneak over to Bones while Spock and Jim argue. You both snatch a towel and look over in time to hear Spock give his position as acting captain up to Jim. 

Spock breaths heavily as he storms off the bridge, his father following close behind. You and Scotty watch him go while Bones leaves your side to argue with Jim.

“I think it’s your turn lassy.” Scotty says, lightly pushing you to the exit. You look over at Jim who nods in understanding.

“Y/n will be my temporary first officer and her first job is to go check on Spock.” Jim says which makes Bones scoff. You turn and leave the bridge behind, going to find Spock.

~~~~~~~~~~

You find him at the transport pad, staring at the place his mother should have been transported to. His father passes you on your way in but he doesn’t say anything.

“Why are you here?” Spock asks, not turning to face you.

“I’m the temporary first officer, Jim tasked me with checking up on you.” You say, going further into the room.

“I assume we are turning around and going back to the Romulans.” Spock says, finally turning around to face you.

“Yes, we’re going to get Pike.” You reply, leaning against the wall that separates the transport pad from the transporters.

“How did you get on the Enterprise?” Spock asks.

“Scotty is a very talented man, he used some equation, and something about space being the thing that’s moving.” You try and explain. Spock nods in understanding.

“Everyone doubts Kirk, except for you.” Spock says, searching your face.

“Well Jim’s been my long time friend, I’ve learned that he’s both smart and pretty,” you say, “and we have shared life experience.”

“Yes, you both lost parents on the USS Kelvin.” Spock says blandly. You nod, frowning to yourself.

“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” You tell him. “Or if you ever want to play chess, someone told me you’re pretty good at it.” 

Spock raises an eyebrow but doesn’t stop you as you turn and leave, going back to the bridge.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spock enters the bridge a few minutes after you, just in time to hear Jim’s brilliant plan on entering Nero’s ship.

“Spock, you’re my new first officer, Y/n take the con, come on Spock we’re going to Nero’s ship.” Jim says quickly, patting Spock on the shoulder as he walks by.

“After this is done, I would like to play chess with you.” Spock says as he passes by you.

“Understood Mister Spock.” You say with a hidden smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Ambassador Spock.” Spock says to his alternate reality.

“Commander.” Ambassador Spock replies.

“Why did you send Kirk and Y/n when you alone could have explained everything?” Spock asks.

“Because you needed Jim and Y/n in that time and I believed in their capabilities to win this fight.” Ambassador Spock says.

“Hey Spock! And uh, Spock.” You say, walking up to the two. Ambassador Spock waves at you and you give him a smile. “We’re having a party, since we beat the Romulans. You both are invited.”

“While I do love Jim’s parties I will have to decline this offer, I need to take the remaining Vulcans to New Vulcan.” Ambassador Spock says.

“Yeah that makes sense,” you say, turning to Spock, “what about you Spock?”

“I believe we were to play a game of chess.” Spock reminds you.

“And we will play chess, but I need to make an appearance at the party or Jim will never leave me alone.” You tell him, “And you’re coming with me.” 

You turn on your heel and walk away, towards the party room.

“Saying live long and prosper seems oddly self serving so I will simply say, good luck.” Ambassador Spock says to Spock.

“Good luck.” Spock returns then turns and follows you.

You link your arm with Spock’s and lead him to the party room, wanting to make your appearance quick.

~~~~~~~~~~

“You know we’re married in Ambassador Spock’s timeline.” You tell Spock, moving a chess piece.

“Ambassador Spock failed to mention that to me.” Spock says, his ears tinged green. 

“Well it’s true.” You say, taking a sip of your drink.

Spock nods, moving one of his chess pieces. 

“You’re turning green.” You whisper teasingly, moving one of your pieces.

“You’re turning red.” Spock retorts, thinking of his next move.

“Too much drinking.” You say, swirling the alcohol around in your glass.

“That is one logical hypothesis.” Spock responds, watching as you move a piece. 

“You know I have always liked circle ice.” You say, staring into your glass. Spock looks at you with confusion, raising an eyebrow. “You know, like the ice in spheres.”

“Ah, it is aesthetically pleasing.” Spock says, moving a piece.

You take turns moving chess pieces until eventually Spock wins making you huff in frustration. You look at the bottle that was full of alcohol but is now empty and sigh, getting up and starting to clean the glasses.

Spock starts cleaning the chess pieces and chess board up while you put the dishes in the sink, leaving them for tomorrow.

“I suppose it’s time for me to take my leave.” Spock says after putting the chess board away.

“Yeah I guess so, it was nice spending time with you Spock.” You say, walking him to the door.

“I had a pleasant time as well Y/n.” Spock says, stopping at the doorway. You lean up on your tiptoes and give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Have a good night Spock.” You say, settling back down onto your feet.

“Until next time, Y/n.”

[horta-bae]

a delicious, filthy, Spirk fanfic rec

Lurk, or Through the Looking Glass

by Yoyos_on_the_wharf

RATING: Explicit

WORDS: 3,842

SUMMARY: “Somethings never change, Mr. Spock,” the other Kirk stopped when he was directly behind Spock.

“Such as?” Spock asked, still staring straight ahead.

“Like how deeply I desire you,” Kirk said, his voice like melting honey, “How deeply you want me back.”

“You are mistaken-”

“Am I?” Kirk spoke in a whisper, intimate, right in Spock’s ear. “Shall we see how our better halves are faring?”

{Or, due to science fiction screwiness Mirror!Kirk has a portable Tantalus Field which he uses to spy on Mirror!Spock seducing Jim whilst he tries to seduce Spock}

[boldlygo-boldlygoing-boldlygone]

And We Do It All Again - Chapter 7

Summary: Jim has two big problems right now. The first is that he is hopelessly in love with his First Officer and his Chief Medical Officer, and neither seems to return his feelings. The second is that he’s stuck in a time loop where his ship is destroyed and his crew killed, over and over again.

Things can never be simple for James T. Kirk, can they?

Warnings: angst, (temporary) character death, swearing, time loops, suicide attempt in a later chapter (again, it’s in a time loop so it doesn’t really work)

Pairing: McSpirk

Chapter 7 of 7

First  Previous Next

A/N: Can also be read here on AO3!

-

Jim woke and sighed, his eyes catching the chess board, the whiskey glasses. A familiar sight by now. He thought about the confessions.

Without another thought, he rolled in his bed and grabbed his communicator. Bones and Spock arrived together, just as Jim finished pulling on his uniform.

"Jim, is all well?"

"Seriously, you better be dying. I was still asleep!"

"I need to tell you both something." Jim informed them, watching them enter the room from his seat on the bed.

"It couldn't wait until breakfast?"

"It's waited long enough." Jim looked at them both, love and a desperate need for them to know rising in him. "This may sound insane, but I promise, I am mentally and physically fine. Bones, you can even check after this, if you want." He began calmly. Both looked concerned, but he continued before they could interrupt. "I am in love with both of you. Have been for a while."

There was a long silence, a moment where they both just stared at her. Then, Spock spoke.

"Captain, I must ask, what has caused this outburst?"

Jim shrugged. "It needed to be said. I'm tired of hiding it." He was so damn tired. It had been so long and he was just so tired. It felt good to admit this. After the last few cycles, it almost felt natural.

"Jim, stop messing around."

"I'm not." He shrugged. "I'm in love with both of you. Whatever happens next is up to you guys. I don't expect anything, but I needed you to know."

"T'hy'la." The word was whispered reverently, Spock's voice shaking. Jim felt a smile tugging at his face despite his exhaustion.

Bones glanced between the two then straightened, shaking his head. "Idiots." He mumbled, turning for the door. Jim rose to stop him, but Spock beat him to it. Spock caught the doctor's wrist and pulled him back. "Leonard. Please, do not leave. I- I must confess, I have also been harboring feelings for both of you as well."

Bones didn't look convinced. "Look, you two are great for each other. You don't need me mucking it up. Just- let me go with my dignity."

"Shut up, Bones." Jim couldn't think of a time when his heart had felt so full.

"I must agree, Leonard."

"This is insane. Actually insane. You just wanna jump into a polygamous relationship? What's the crew gonna say?"

"It's the 23rd century, Bones. I think it'll be okay. And we don't need to rush into anything. Like I said, I don't expect anything. I just... I needed you to know."

"Perhaps we should continue this conversation after our respective shifts. It is nearly time for us to be on the bridge, Jim."

Jim nodded. "We can meet here at 2300, okay? We'll figure out what this all means." The promise of later felt so abstract, so unreal, but it was what they'd expect him to offer. So he offered it.

"Affirmative."

"I guess."

Jim stepped forward, love washing over him as he took the two in. Then, he grabbed Bones and pulled him into a tight hug. "I love you, Bones."

Bones returned the hug. "Love you too, kid." His voice was gruff, but Jim knew better.

In the turbolift with Spock, Jim put a hand on his First Officer's bicep. "I know touch is sacred to Vulcans, so I don't expect anything. I just want you to know I love you."

Spock looked at him, face as calm as Jim had ever seen it. "I love you as well, Jim."

It should have made him happy. Here was Spock, saying he loved him. After everything, it should have been a relief. Somehow it only managed to break his heart.

"Captain on the bridge!"

He sat through his shift, sneaking glanced at Spock (who was doing the same to him) and hating everything. It had been shockingly easy. They weren't his yet, but they were willing to talk. They were both interested.

Well, Spock was. Bones hadn't said it explicitly, but Jim could remember how he'd kissed him, how he'd gripped him. He knew Bones loved him. He suspected he'd always known, deep down. Until now, he'd just been too afraid to allow himself to hope. Of course, now knowing that didn't do him much good. Not when he'd wake tomorrow starting all over again.

"Sir, there's an unidentified ship approaching."

There it was. The worst ship in the galaxy. If only he could stop it. Steer the ship to some safe location. Maybe get aboard it and-

Get aboard it.

An idea hit him hard and he jumped up, body in motion even before his mind had fully considered this new plan. "Mr. Sulu, shields up! Mr. Spock, take the con!"

"Captain-"

"Do it, that's an order!" He called, already sprinting from the room.

He commed Scotty to meet him in the transporter room. They both arrived just as the first hit shook the ship. Jim jumped onto the platform, the seconds ticking away in his head. "Beam me onto that ship!"

"Sir, I don't know if-"

"That's an order!"

Scotty's eyes widened and he began punching buttons, clearly shocked. Jim wasn't one to bark orders like that.

He wasn't sure where he was when he landed, but he had a half-formed plan and that was further than he usually got. Jim took off, squinting at the signs and arrows directing him. As he ran, he shot any and all he came across.

"Enterprise to Captain Kirk!" There was a tightness to Spock's voice. A small shift, something most wouldn't notice. But Jim knew his first officer well. Spock was not pleased with him.

"Kirk here." Jim responded, slightly out of breath as he approached the engineering room.

"Captain, you must beam back aboard the Enterprise immediately. We do not know who is controlling this ship, but they are clearly hostile."

"Can't, Spock. Nothing else is gonna work, they're too strong. I'm taking it down from the inside."

"Captain-"

"Sorry, Spock." Jim snapped the communicator shut and shoved it back into his pocket, just in time. He sprinted into the engineering room, scanning for the most volatile pieces of machinery. It didn't take long to find them. Jim wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. He knew how the Enterprise ran. He knew what to do to keep her happy (though not as happy as Scotty kept her), but this wasn't the Enterprise. It was all cruder, more basic machinery.

Good thing he wasn't trying to keep this ship happy.

"Hey!"

Jim spun, phaser up and firing, but too late. He gasped, grabbing his side as pain seared through him. Huh. Being shot. That was certainly different. Boarding the enemy ship really had opened a world of possibilities.

Still, his aim was true and the last guard was down. He turned back to the equipment and set to work destroying anything he could get his hands on. The timer inside his head was running out. Jim counted himself lucky, then, when something exploded a few feet away from him. The force knocked him down and sent pain up his side, but he ignored it and scrambled to his feet, sprinting for the door.

"Kirk to Enterprise! Requesting immediate beam up, if you have the capability! I repeat, requesting immediate-"

It was too late. Just as he cleared the door, fire engulfed him, catching him and spitting him out. It was somehow just like being on the Enterprise as it exploded and yet so different. Briefly, he was relieved he didn't have to see Bones or Spock die again. As he was thrown out into space, he shut his eyes and let the darkness come, that thought a comfort as he slipped away. Maybe next time he'd figure out how to save them all. Maybe next time, he'd do better.

. . .

He woke slowly and repressed a sigh, keeping his eyes shut this time. Briefly, he wondered if this was a day when he stayed in bed. It was like his pain from the last day had followed him. Everything ached and he was so, so tired. Still, he should probably keep working. Getting aboard the other ship was new. Exploring that might bring new choices. He had to escape this damn loop somehow. There had to be a way. There had to be.

It was just so hard to keep going.

"Jim?"

And now he was hearing things. Great. This damn loop had finally driven him crazy. He thought repeating the same day would keep that from happening, but evidently not. Because now he was hearing Spock's voice, and-

"Jimmy, open your eyes."

And Bones. Great, just great. Like this wasn't hard enough as it was.

"We can see your vitals. We know you're awake."

Might as well get it over with. Sighing softly, Jim let his eyes fall open.

He wasn't in his room.

Immediately, he bolted up, eyes widening and head twisting, searching the area. He was in the sickbay, in a private room. Spock and Bones stood beside him. "Woah, calm down!" Bones grabbed him and forced him back. "You need to lay down!"

"I'm not in my room."

"No, you're not." Bones scowled. "What the hell were you thinking, beaming onto that ship? You're lucky Scotty had the brains to get Chekov to catch you or you'd be dead right now!"

"Chekov caught me?"

"Yeah, after that damn ship blew up and spit you out."

"Wait, the ship- Is the Enterprise okay?"

"Oh for God's sake!"

"Yes, Jim." Spock responded. "There was substantial damage, but because of your early order to put up shields and distraction aboard the other ship, we were able to avoid destruction."

"How many dead?"

"None. Thirty-six injuries, but no deaths."

No deaths. Not a single one.

"We very nearly had one." Bones scowled at Jim, jabbing a hypo into his neck. "You damn fool!"

"Ow, Bones!" Jim complained.

"Don't wanna get hypoed, don't almost get yourself killed!"

"I had to."

"No you didn't!" Bones' eyes were burning. "You pull this damn stunt right after telling us you're in love with us and you expect me to believe you had to? Bullshit!"

"Bones-"

"I was preparing my speech to convince you two to enjoy yourselves without me and then I find out you beamed onto an unknown, hostile ship? Seriously, Jim?"

"I'm sorry."

"You damn well should be! You're an idiot!"

"I am."

Bones stared at him for a long moment, then grabbed him and pulled him into a bruising kiss. "If you'd died before I had a chance to kiss you, I'd have brought you back just to kill you again myself."

"Noted." Jim let out a breathy laugh, chest bubbly with too many emotions to process. He could feel Spock's eyes on him, so he turned and raised two fingers, remembering the Vulcan way of kissing. The corner of Spock's lips turned up and he returned the gesture. Before Jim could speak, however, Spock's other hand curled around the back of Jim's neck. He pulled Jim into a human kiss. It was gentler than Bones', but still filled with emotion.

"As illogical as it is, I must agree with Leonard." He said once they'd pulled apart. "You must learn not to endanger yourself."

Jim let his eyes flutter shut and he laughed again, breathy and tired and so relieved. "I think I can do that. For you two."

Bones snorted. "Yeah right."

"Hey!"

"Lay back down. You still need to rest."

"I'm fine!"

"You were shot, you arm was nearly burned off, and you almost suffocated. Shut up and rest."

"Bones!" Jim moaned, obeying none the less. He let the doctor work, smiling fondly as he grumbled and Spock stood over his bed, watching with those sharp eyes of his. He thought about explaining his actions. Telling them about the loop, about being stuck going through the same day over and over. Giving them the highlights of his experience. But then Spock's fingers pressed rest lightly against his wrist and Bones' hands lingered a moment longer than necessary on his shoulder and he knew he couldn't ruin this. So he lay still and let their presences wash over him.

It was over. The nightmare was finally over. And in this moment, he didn't want to relive any of it. He'd tell them eventually. He'd explain why he'd done what he had, tell them about the highs and lows of his experience, about how much he'd seen and done and felt, but for now he just wanted to remain in the present and let himself feel loved.

And how so very loved he felt.

[sarcastic-space-gal]

Dark Past (Part 2)

Summary: Black shirts are supposed to be the most trained and deadly members of the Starfleet. However, they are considered just stories or legends, because no one has ever saw one before. But after John Harrison attacks the London’s Archive, the Enterprise may acquire a new crew member.

Pairing: James Kirk x Reader

Word Count: 1600

Warning: None

A/N: Hi everyone, this is the secon part of Dark Past! Here is the Part 1 if you missed it. Part three will be the last so stay tuned! Hope you will like it and i also hope to bring you some joy in these troubled times, please stay safe 💖 As always, feedback is always appreciated. Love you all xoxo

She should be dead… How can she still be alive?

Kirk couldn’t think at anything else since he saw you taking that shot from Khan. The blood, the gash on you shoulder and then nothing, your skin closed and healed in front of him. Anyone else would have died in his track but you didn’t, and even he wouldn’t admit it, he was glad of it.

Since you took your first step into the bridge, he couldn’t take his eyes of you. There was something in your appearance, in your voice, in your gestures, the way your mouth moved while you spoke… you were intriguing, and without a doubt, really appealing.

Then he saw you fighting and, if possible, his curiosity towards you and who you really were, increased even more. With surprise drawn on his face and the adrenaline from the fight still pumping in his veins, he watched as you skillfully faced your opponent without flinching or giving any sign of fatigue. A war machine, made to fight, but elegant and solemn.

Then you were hit. His heart stopped for a second and his eyes widened in horror. Instead, you felt pure anger as you slowly turned again towards Khan and you shipmates, the wound was healing fast. Oh, you had so much to explain now.

Perfect excuse to talk to her Jim thought.

The Medbay was exactly as you remembered. The tickling of instruments and the beeping of monitors, that weird plastic smell, the beds and their colourless sheets.

You were sitting up straight on a biobed, your expression emotionless, your eyes focused on an unknown direction. After you were beamed back to the ship the Captain gently offered to accompany you to the Medbay and you knew you couldn’t avoid it. Not that you disliked being near the Captain, instead you were quite pleased. You walked down the corridors alongside Kirk and you couldn’t help but notice how he would occasionally linger his glare on you. Maybe because I took a shot in my shoulder and there is no sign of it anymore, besides the huge hole in the fabric. He is probably asking himself who the hell I am…he probably has so many questions… and I don’t know if I can answer them…

By accepting this mission you knew that this could happen, but you decided to join the Enterprise nonetheless. Khan was a powerful opponent, smart, logical, devious, he could have done anything to get what he wanted: shooting at you and exposing you for example. There were secrets no one should have ever known about you, but fighting against Khan had its drawbacks, and this was one of them.

So now you stood there ready to see Doctor McCoy and his confused look when he will receive your test results.

Bones and Kirk were talking right outside Medbay when Spock approached them.

“Captain” Spock appeared from behind them.

“Spock, how is the ship?”

“Warp speed is still unusable, Mr Chekov is working on it, but for now, we are stranded here sir.”

The Captain sighed loudly “Alright. What about Y/n, Bones?”

“I don’t know Jim, this is…” the Doctor kept looking at the pad in front of him. Your test results.

“What? Did you find something?”

“I’ve never seen something like this”

Kirk folded his arms and shook his head lightly “Neither did I”

“So she was hit by John Harrison, or Khan, on her shoulder and in just few seconds the wound healed. By itself.” Bones looked at him with a confused expression.

“That’s what we so” Jim shared a look with Spock.

“Well, that explains a lot”

Kirk’s eyebrows furrowed in perplexity “What do you mean?”

“All the blood test results are out of range, it seems like her cells regenerate and transform constantly” Bones kept looking at the pad in his hands.

“Interesting” Spock said.

“What Spock?”

“Well Captain, Khan and Y/n seem to know each other, and they are obviously opponents. So why shoot her in the shoulder? We already had a demonstration of Khan’s skills with weapons of any sort, it is hardly believable that from his position and his distance from Y/n, he would have miss a lethal spot”

Bones and Kirk listened carefully. Spock was right.

“I need to talk to her” Jim said before entering Medbay “Spock go to the bridge, inform me if anything changes”

“Yes Captain”

You heard approaching footsteps and you immediately knew it was the Captain and the Doctor. You watched them enter in silence, Kirk stood next to a medical counter and McCoy was right in front of you, holding his pad.

“You probably have some questions” you said with a small smile.

“Seeing someone healing a shot like that is no daily routine, sweetheart” said Bones.

“I understand” you looked to your right and saw the Captain glaring at you.

The Doctor took from a nearby table an empty hypo and placed the pad down.

“I’ll run some more blood tests, I have to take a sample”

You grabbed your suit’s sleeve and pulled it up. Once the hypo was full with blood Kirk moved towards you.

“Bones can you give me a minute?”

He looked at his friend and than at you “Of course” he said while exiting, living you two in silence.

“May I?” he said pointing at empty spot near you.

“Please” why is my heart beating so fast? you thought.

His handsome blue eyes peered in yours, it was almost impossible to look away.

“Normally I know almost everything about my shipmates, but I think there’s something you didn’t tell me about yourself”

Contrarily to what you’d expected, he was calm and gentle, something rather new for you. You couldn’t help but stiffen a little after his encouragement to speak.

“You see captain-”

“Jim” he said smiling “call me Jim”

Smiling back, you continued “You see… Jim, there are things I can’t say. Even to my Captain”

“If they are inherent with the mission I should know everything”

Jim could sense your uneasiness about the matter, but he needed to know what was going on.

You looked away from him, images of your past came through your mind, ghosts that haunted your nights for years, and now, they came back to haunt you again.

“How do you know him?” Kirk was almost scared to know the answer, excepting a connection between you two.

Your head slowly turned towards him, your eyes severe. “If you are asking if we work together in any way, you are wrong. Instead, it’s quite the opposite”

With a small sigh of relief the captain nodded.

“As you and all your crew, I am here to end him and complete my mission”

Kirk saw your single-minded determination, the fire in your eyes that captured him since the first time he saw you.

“I must know who is he or else I won’t be able to complete this mission.”

After a brief moment of silence you spoke again.

“John Harrison is just a mere smokescreen, a fiction, used to conceal his true identity. His name is Khan and he was a black shirt like me” You couldn’t finish what you were saying because you were cut off by the First Officer’s voice.

“Captain, Khan has been confined and the Doctor is ready to take a sample from the prisoner”

“Alright” Jim looked at you and nodded “We will continue later”

Khan looked like a lion in a cage, calm but with piercing eyes ready to attack once the cell was open, and when he saw you he couldn’t help the rage he felt rising in him. He didn’t consider your presence in this mission and he knew you were a possible thorn in his side. You or not you he would get what we wanted, with his cleverness or with the force.

Spock, Jim and you approached the cell and watched as doctor McCoy opened a small gap in the glass.

“Put your arm through the hole. I’m gonna take a blood sample” he said.

Khan drew near the glass and did as Bones ordered.

“I see your shoulder is doing fine” his vicious voice resonated in your ears.

“Not thanks to you” he laughed a little and then turned his attention on Kirk.

“Why aren’t we moving, Captain? An unexpected malfunction, perhaps in your warp core conveniently stranding you in the edge of Klingon space?”

The Doctor looked up from Khan’s arm in utter surprise “How the hell do you know that?”

“Bones.”

“I think you’d find my insight valuable, Captain. Ignore me and you will get everyone on this ship killed.”

“Bones let me know if you find something” Kirk said to his friend as he walked away.

“Captain, I would not recommend engaging the prisoner further” Spock tried to calm the Captain but you could see he was fuming.

“Why did you surrender?” you suddenly asked as Kirk turned his head towards you.

“Y/n you should know very well” he responded.

Your jaw clenched.

“I’m here to convince you Mr Kirk of the truth”

“Truth? You know what is the truth? You are a criminal. I watched you murder innocent people and shoot at one of my crew member”

Involuntarily, your head turned to him, we was boiling in rage.

“23-17-46-11, if you want to know why I did what I did go and take a look or perhaps ask to your new crew member, she probably has the answers you are seeking Captain”

Kirk darted his eyes in your direction and saw your features twist in anger and slight panic but you didn’t hesitate and addressed him.

“You still did not respond, why did you surrender? What was the reason?”

“I can give you 72, all aboard your ship. I suggest you open one up”

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Love and Cat Pee - Leonard McCoy x Reader

Words: 1952 Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader Warnings: None, just a lot of fluff.

A/N: My Tag list is old. Please tell me, if you want to be removed! Some of you seem to have changed their usernames so I’m sorry if I didn’t tag you in this story. Tell me if you want to be added <3

Some days, being able to work on the Enterprise was the best thing that ever happened to you. You got to travel, see new planets, and meet people from all over the universe.

On other days, being able to work on the Enterprise made you wish you had stayed back on Earth in your hometown, working in your family’s little shop, instead of almost dying 200 light years away because you accidentally drank from a wrong glass.

Today was one of those days.

“Sit her down over there,” Captain Kirk ordered and two Security officers grabbed you under your arms, helping you sit down on a bench. “Kirk to Enterprise. Enterprise, please come in.”

“Enterprise. Scott here.” You heard a faint voice coming from Kirk’s communicator.

“Scotty, be prepared to beam Lieutenant Y/L/N up. And tell Doctor McCoy to get ready to treat a patient with Ladocsris poisoning.” After Mr. Scott acknowledged, he closed the communicator and looked down at you, frowning. “How are you feeling, Lieutenant?”

“Horrible, Captain” you managed to get out. You writhed in pain, arms tightly clutching to your side. It felt like someone had stabbed you with a burning hot knife right in your stomach and now continued to twist it around. “Am I dying?” you asked with gritted teeth.

Kirk shook his head. “You’re not going to die from this.” He suppressed a chuckle and shook his head. “Why the hell would you drink that, Lieutenant?”

“Certainly not because I wanted to spend my day in sickbay!” You wiped away sweat that had formed on your forehead. “Excuse me, Captain, but – fuck!” Another wave of pain washed over you.

The Enterprise had delivered some medical supplies to this planet and as a thank you, the crew was invited to join their Spring Festival. Because the ship was on a tight schedule, a landing party consisting of only six people beamed down to avoid coming across as disrespectful. At one point, you were all offered drinks. There were two different glasses on the table. You didn’t correctly understand which one you should take and since everyone was involved in conversations, you didn’t want to interrupt and ask. So you just took one.

Kirk looked at you sympathetically when you closed your eyes in pain. “Do you know what it was?”

“What?”

“The drink.”

“No, why?” You opened your eyes in suspicion.

“Well,” he looked down to hide the obvious amusement in his eyes. “They have this giant cat-like animal on the planet. It’s a sign of fertility because …. because its urine is basically the best fertilizer you can get.”

You stared at him, words slowly starting to make sense in your head.

After a few seconds, he continued. “Even though it’s not meant for drinking, they still collect it for their Spring Festival. It’s like a … religious thing.”

“You mean … You mean, I just drank …”

Kirk nodded.

What happened next was probably the worst thing you had experienced since the day you started working for Starfleet. You felt it coming up in your throat but it was too late - with a groan you leaned forward and vomited. All over your Captain.

***

When you woke up again, the pain was gone. It was replaced with a slight dizziness and a faint headache.

You tried to sit up, realizing you were in sickbay. Oh, you hated it here. That’s why you had become an expert of skipping annual exams and basically coming here at all. Not because you were afraid of them, no, that wasn’t it. Simply, because since day one you had the biggest crush possible on one particular Doctor – and you didn’t know how to deal with it. At all.

“Don’t get up just yet.”

Speaking of the devil.

Doctor McCoy appeared from behind a curtain. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. Of all the professionals working here, he had to treat you? “Just a headache.”

He nodded. “That’s normal. The heada-“

“Oh, she’s awake!” Christine Chapel interrupted. Apparently she was on the way somewhere, carrying various blood samples in her hands, on her face a big grin. “You’re feeling better?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, slightly confused.

“That’s good to hear!” The grin didn’t fade when she walked away.

Furrowing your eyebrow, you looked over to McCoy. He kept his eyes locked on a hypo in his hands but you didn’t miss the amused sparkle in his eyes.

“What is it?”

“Mh?” The doctor cleared his throat, injecting you with the hypo. “The headache should disappear within a few hours. I will keep you here for a bit longer and run another test but I believe you should be fine.”

Another nurse kept passing by, nodding at you with a big wide smile. Ignoring what McCoy had just said, you answered: “I’d like to think everyone is just really happy to see me here but I’m sensing it’s something different.”

“I don’t know, maybe it has to do with you vomiting all over our Captain,” McCoy said casually and shrugged. “Just an idea.”

Oh fuck, was the only thought running through your mind when you suddenly remembered.

“Ugh,” you let out a loud groan and dramatically placed your hand over your eyes. Why did those things always happen to you?

On the last mission, you had accidentally pushed Chekov into a lake with a reddish color which resulted in him having a weird rash all over his body for two weeks and red hair. Now you not only drank something you wasn’t supposed to and probably sabotaged the whole shore leave, you decided to throw up on Kirk afterwards.

“I sabotaged the whole mission,” you scolded. “Fuck!”

“Watch your language in my sickbay. I’m the only one allowed to curse here.” The doctor was still standing in front of you when you removed your hand from your eyes. “Now stop being so dramatic, that corn-fed goblin –“

“Corn-fed goblin?” You interrupted.

“Yes.”

“I thought it was green-blooded goblin and corn-fed idiot.”

“Sometimes I like to vary a little with my insults.” He gave you a half smile before continuing. “The Captain will be fine. Jim had worse things on his body than vomit. Believe me.”

You frowned. “Do I wanna know?”

“No.”

A sigh escaped your lips. “I still have to apologize though.”

“Probably.” He turned to his instruments, shuffling things a little while you stared at the ceiling. “The crew won’t let you live that down, be prepared for that.”

You made an indefinable sound.

“I won’t either.”

Great. As if the embarrassment hadn’t already reached its highest point for this month.

“One of the security guards has also the opinion that you could’ve turned away if you wanted to. Now people are wondering why you didn’t do it.”

“How do you even know so much gossip?”

He shrugged. “My nurses talk a lot.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “Why I did it?” You scoffed. “Oh I don’t fucking know – excuse my language – maybe because I felt like it. Or maybe it was just me trying to get here so I can confess my love to you!”

Doctor McCoy put down the instruments and turned around again. “Well, was it?”

Realizing what you had just said, you kept your eyes locked on the ceiling. “No!” You denied, with probably a bit too much force in your voice. “Of course not. I mean. No.” You felt heat rising to your cheeks.

“Right,” the man replied. You didn’t see the smile on his lips. “Maybe I’ll just let you rest for a while, alright?”

“Maybe my headache will actually disappear then, Doctor.”

He left with a chuckle.

***

You weren’t able to sleep after he had left, so for another hour you were just staring at the wall, listening to regular beeping noise coming from the instruments.

You weren’t sure which event of the day was the worst but the more time you were thinking about it, probably the latter. He knew. He wasn’t supposed to know but now he did and you a part of you was – aside from being embarrassed – terrified. Yes, you had a crush on him but it was the kind of crush where you just admired him from afar. Nothing would happen between the two of you. But now that it had slipped from your mouth, it was real.

“I brought you something.” The curtain got pulled away and McCoy came in.

Oh no.

You lifted your head from the pillow. He was holding a small cup, which he placed on the small table next to the bed. A delicious smell ascended from it.

“My favorite tea?” You asked him a bit puzzled.

“Yes,” he smiled at you.

“How do you know?”

“You always drink it.” He simply said.

“You noticed?” A warm feeling began to spread in your stomach.

The doctor nodded.

“Well, thank you.” You took a sip of the tea. It was still hot, but not hot enough to burn your tongue. Just perfect.

“So about earlier –“

You almost choked on the liquid. “Please, don’t. I’ve been humiliated enough for one day.”

“I know,” McCoy chuckled. “That’s why I wanted to ask –“

“What?”

“Damn, you really need to stop interrupting people.” He shook his head.

“Sorry, please finish,” you mumbled and lifted the cup to your lips again.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to have dinner with me tomorrow. Dinner as in … a date.”

This time you choked for real. You started coughing and Leonard was luckily fast enough to get the cup from your hands before you spilled hot tea all over yourself.

“So is that a yes?” He asked when you calmed down and were able to breath normally again.

You stared at him with mixed emotions, not quite believing that Leonard McCoy actually asked you out. Goddamnit, you were acting like a lovestruck teenage girl not like a full grown human and Starfleet member. “Yes.”

“Fantastic!” There it was again – the smile that Leonard McCoy almost never showed. It lit up the whole room, you thought. “Normally I’d take it slow and wait for a few more days before doing what I’m about to do next but you have already confessed your love for me so –“

“Oh, please stop it!”

“– so there’s no real reason to wait,” he finished his sentence with a smile. McCoy took a step forward so that he was now standing directly next to your sickbed.

“Wait for what?” You asked furrowing your brows. He already asked you out on a date. There was really nothing more he could do to make this day any better.

Slowly Leonard leaned down towards you and before you realized what was happening, you felt his lips on yours. The kiss was slow and tender and made you feel dizzy. His lips were soft, much softer than expected, and you wanted to melt when you felt his hand cupping your cheek. Apparently there was something he could to make this day any better. Two seconds later, the kiss was over. Leonard pulled away and looked at you lovingly. You were out of breath.

Suddenly his smile vanished and he grimaced.

You felt your stomach plummet. What happened? Were you that bad? Did he already regret asking you out and kissing you? “Did I do something wrong?” You asked, your voice barely audible.

“No, no, darlin’,” he reassured her quickly and lifted his hand to his mouth. “The kiss was … something else.”

“But?”

“But I think I can still taste a hint of that cat pee drink on your lips.”

***

My Masterlist

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[brideofedoras]

Hungry Eyes

Disclaimer: the usual

Word count: 3900+

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Head injury, terrible flirting, amusing reaction to medication, concussion and old-fashioned doctoring

Notes: I struggled for a few months writing this one.  Yesterday I finally found my muse and it totally got away with me.  I wanted to incorporate a birthday in it, since thefanficfaerie just celebrated hers and I will be celebrating mine this Friday!  It’s a long one!  Enjoy!

**Accidentally posted to my main blog, which is still flagged as “sensitive (stupid tumblr!).  Reposting here so no one has issues reading!  

Hungry Eyes (Star Trek AOS Leonard McCoy x female Reader)

“McCoy to Enterprise, Scotty, do you read me?”  Leonard paced ten steps further away from the cave he’d found and tried again.  “McCoy to-- dammit!  If anyone can hear me, this is McCoy.  Ensign Y/L/N and I are still stuck on this godforsaken rock, Y/L/N has a head injury that needs immediate medical attention and I’m not liking the looks of the purple clouds building on the horizon!”  He snapped the communicator shut and shoved it in his pocket before stalking back to the cave.  “No luck, Darlin’,” he sighed heavily, ducking down  to avoid hitting his head on the low overhang.  “Looks like we’re stuck.”

Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut.  She groaned.  “I’ve had worse birthdays,” she said after a moment.  She shifted on the hard ground and whined when pain shot through her head from the movement.

Leonard dropped to his knees beside her.  “Today’s your birthday?”  His brow furrowed over his hazel eyes as he fished his tricorder from his pocket to run another scan.  

She nodded.  “Uh-huh,” she opened her eyes to look up at him despite the blinding pain shooting through her head from the gesture.  “If I’m stranded on a strange planet on my birthday, I’m glad I’m stranded with you,” she managed a weak smile.

The doctor grabbed his bag where he’d set it by her booted feet.  “Sugar, I don’t know if I’d count that as a good thing,” he warned as he pulled out his medkit and popped it open.  He grabbed a hypospray, “I’m the worst person to be stranded with.”

Y/N watched him load the device.  “You’ve been the perfect companion so far,” she squeezed her eyes shut when his fingertips grazed her neck.  

He snorted.  “I dragged you out of that ravine, field-dressed your head, carried you over my shoulder up another damned hill and made you lay down on this damp, hard ground.  Hardly the perfect companion, Sweetheart.”

“You did what you had to do to get me to a safe location and call for transport,” she flinched when he administered the hypo.  She sighed when he began to massage the injection site.  “How long before it kicks in?”

“Shouldn’t take too long,” He pulled his hand away.  “Once it kicks in I’ll stitch up that gash on your forehead.  I’d rather do it in my Medbay in a sterile environment, but I can’t risk infection setting in if I don’t act now.”

She frowned and whined again in pain.  “Owww…  You didn’t give me pain medication?”

“I did, before I dragged you out of that ravine,” he frowned back.  “This is a local anesthetic.”

“A local…”  Her eyes widened.  “If…  If I say something weird or do something weird, I apologize now,” she reached up to cover her face.  “I don’t handle any anesthetic very well…”

Leonard’s eyes narrowed as he caught her hands.  “Don’t touch your forehead, Sweetheart.  Now, what do you mean you don’t handle anesthetic very well?”  His eyes searched hers.  He reached for the medkit to grab the penlight he kept in there.

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” she sighed.  

He looked up sharply.  “Hell,” he muttered under his breath.  “This wasn’t in your medical records…”

“Not allergic, just…  you’re really sexy when you frown like that,” she smiled.  “Everyone else finds it scary… not me.  I really like it.”

“Dammit all to hell,” he swore quietly.  “All right, can you feel anything?”

“I feel all floaty,” her eyes slid shut.  “Am I dreaming?”

“Maybe,” he muttered.  “Sweetheart, I’m going to shine this light in your eyes.  I need to check your pupils.” “Nothin’ wrong with my eyes, Dr. McCoy, I can see just fine,” she murmured.  “You get this dimple when you frown, right here,” she reached up and nearly smacked his nose when she tried to touch the divot between his eyebrows.  “It’s adorable.”

Leonard could not help but chuckle at her.  “That’s one word nobody has ever used to describe anything about me, Sweetheart,” he admitted.  

“They’re idiots, every last one of ‘em.”

“Keep your eyes on that dimple, this light is bright, but I gotta check,” he warned. 

“Okay.”

He turned on the light and quickly shined it in her right eye, then the left.  Her pupils did not constrict.  His frown deepened.  “All done, Sweetheart,” he turned off the light and tucked it away.  “No promises, but I am going to try to be as gentle as I can stitchin’ ya up.”

“‘Kay…  If we were home… would you just use the dermal?”

“Not yet,” he shook his head.  “Cut’s a little too deep for the regen, Y/N.  I’d still stitch it up.  The dermal would be to further advance the healing and lessen the chances of scarring.”

“You have a scar,” she reached up again to touch his chin and the scar below his lip.  “Right here.  Scars are sexy.”

“No, they’re not,” he groaned at her soft, uncoordinated touch.  He gently caught her hand and lowered it to her stomach.  “Can you keep your hands to yourself so I can stitch you up?”

“I don’t know about that…” she sighed.  “How’d you get that scar?”

He groaned.  “I’ll tell you about it as I stitch you up, how’s that?  I’m gonna try to comm the Enterprise again before I start, though.  Sit tight.”

“Not goin’ anywhere,” her speech slurred slightly as he stood up.

“I know, Sweetheart,” he shot her a worried frown before turning away.

He stalked out of the cave as he pulled his communicator out of his pocket.  “McCoy to Enterprise.”

“Bones!”  Jim’s voice crackled and faded slightly.  “We’ve-- trying-- comm you-- we lost your --nal!”

“Slow down, Kid, you’re breaking up,” Leonard paced further from the cave’s mouth until the unit stopped crackling.  “Ensign Y/L/N and I are holed up in a cave at the moment.  She’s got a head injury I need to stitch up and a concussion on top of it.”

“Shit.”  

“Yeah,” he echoed Jim’s sentiment.  “Transporter down?”

“Yeah, Scotty’s working on it,” the captain relayed.  “Could be hours.  I’d send a shuttle, but Spock doesn’t like the looks of that storm brewing.”

“I’ve seen worse,” the doctor eyed the swirling purple clouds.  

“Doctor, we do not have any data on storms for this planet,” Spock’s voice chimed in.

He rolled his eyes.  “I’d rather not risk a shuttle anyway, with Y/N’s concussion.  Does Scotty have a time frame?”

“No,” Jim groaned.  “I’m hoping it won’t be all night, Bones.”

“If it is, I’m somewhat prepared,” he grimaced, looking over his shoulder toward the cave.  “You always give me crap about keeping my medkit and mission bag stocked up with more than what I could possibly need, but Y/N will be thanking me for it later.”

“How bad is it, Bones?”

He snorted.  “You remember how drunk the kid across the hall in the dorm got from one glass of Saurian brandy?”

“Half a glass, he was butchering ‘Tubthumping’,” Jim chuckled.  

“Y/N can’t handle a local anesthetic…” he trailed off when he heard something coming from the cave.  “Shit, she’s singing now,” he groaned.

“What was she doing before?”

“Flirting.”

“Ensign Y/L/N doesn’t flirt,” the captain sounded amused.  “She gets tongue-tied around you, Bones.”

���I know,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “She’s either going to forget all about this, with the concussion, or she’s going to remember it all and avoid me like the plague out of sheer embarrassment.”

“Out of curiosity, what’s she singing?”

Leonard rolled his eyes.  “Sounds like an old Earth song,” he moved closer to the cave and strained to listen.  “Can’t believe I’m doing this…”

“Get close enough so I can hear it,” Jim told him.

“With these hungry eyes… one look at you and I can’t disguise, I’ve got hungry eyes…  I feel the magic between you and I…”

Laughter erupted from the comm.  

“What’s so damned funny, Kid?  She’s injured, she’s got a concussion, she’s having a reaction to the meds I gave her, and we’re stranded!”  Leonard barely reined in his temper.

“Song’s from an old movie, Dirty Dancing.  Nobody puts Baby in the corner?  Jo Jo loves it,” Jim explained.  “I… uh…  I teased Y/N about the way I caught her looking at you.  Told her she had hungry eyes.”

“You what?!?!?!”  the doctor exploded.  “Dammit, Jim!”

“Relax, Bones, all I said to her was ‘you’ve got hungry eyes’, I made sure no one heard me say it, and told her to stay safe on the mission.”

“What the hell does that even mean, hungry eyes?”

“She likes you.  She’s just too shy to do anything about it.  She still singing?”

“No,” Leonard frowned worriedly.  “I’ll check in once I’ve got her stitched up.  If Scotty gets that transporter fixed before I check in, tell him to not beam us up.”

“You got it.  Kirk out.”

He snapped the comm shut and jogged back into the cave.  “Sorry, Darlin’, transporters are still down and it looks like we might be here all night,” he kneeled down beside Y/N.  “Y/N?”  He took her face in his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.  “No, no, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“I thought you left me behind,” she sniffled.  “I’m sorry if I said anything embarrassing to you, I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Darlin’,” he shook his head.  “Let’s get you fixed up and settle in for a while.”

She nodded and groaned.  “I might throw up on you,” she warned.

“Wouldn’t be the first time anyone has,” he chuckled.  “My ex-wife threw up on me a few times.  She drank too much at a party in college, then morning sickness.  My daughter threw up on me a lot before we figured out the formula she was on irritated her stomach.  Jim’s puked on me a few times after a long night of partying.”  He pulled back.  “Let’s get you comfortable and cleaned up before I start stitching up your forehead.”

“Okay,” she sniffed.  “Can you… can you talk to me?  While you stitch me up?  I’ve… never had stitches and I’m scared,” she admitted.

“I promised I’d tell you how I got this scar, didn’t I?”  He smiled as he pointed to his chin.  He shifted back a little to unzip his flight suit.  He shrugged out of the sleeves and let the top fall before pulling off the long-sleeved black shirt he wore beneath it.  “Can’t have the cuffs of my sleeves contaminating the wound while I stitch ya up,” he explained.  He folded the shirt and leaned over her.  “I’m gonna slip this under your head for now.”

“Why can’t this be mandatory uniform?”  Y/N lightly tugged at the snug black tank top he had on.  “Better ‘n the tunics…”

“I’ll pass your recommendation along, Darlin’,” he felt his cheeks warm.  “It’s too cold on the ship, if you ask me.  Don’t know how you ladies handle wearin’ the dresses with the short sleeves all the time.”

“Tights and cardigans,” she closed her eyes.  “Commander Spock approved it for those of us who get cold easily.”

“Could be something as simple as a change in daily vitamin regimen, Darlin’,” he murmured, grabbing for his medkit.  He pulled out the mini sanitizing wand.  “Let’s get everything sterilized here.  Are ya still feelin’ numb?”

“Yeah,” she closed her eyes.  “Your voice is soothing…”

He smiled.  “Never been told that before, I’m accused of yelling most of the time.”

“At the captain and the engineers,” she nodded.  “You never yell at us scientists.”

“I never yell at the sensible ones,” he agreed, setting the wand back in the kit.  He grabbed the suture needle and suture thread.  “Tell me if you start to feel any pain, all right?  I can’t administer another anesthetic or pain hypo until these wear off, but I have something that will help.  I’m not supposed to have it, it’s against regulations, but I’ve got it labeled for medical use.”

“I’ve heard rumors of a flask of bourbon,” she grimaced.

“Not a drinker?”

“I prefer fruity flavored drinks.”

He frowned thoughtfully, storing that little bit of information away.  “Here we go,” he warned.  “About the scar on my chin…  I was ten at the time, in the fourth grade.  We had a new student transfer in after winter break.  Cute little brunette.  I wound up developing a huge crush on her.  But she never paid any attention to me.  Never looked my way, always just walked right by and ignored me.  One Friday afternoon it was warm out, the teacher decided to give the class a twenty minute break from learning and took us outside to the playground.  I very unwisely decided to show off and attempted a handstand on top of the jungle gym.  Ten feet off the ground, top of the damned slide.  One minute I’m balanced on my hands, arms shaking, the next I decide to attempt it with one hand… and I fall.  Busted my chin open on the slide, broke my arm when I tumbled off.  Mom about had a heart attack when she came to pick me up, and Dad… he just shook his head and asked if I got the girl’s attention.”

“Did you?”

He frowned at the subdued tone in Y/N’s voice.  “No.  We later found out she wasn’t interested in boys at all, she had a crush on my sister’s best friend.  Wouldn’t have done me any good anyway, my parents wouldn’t let me date until I got my license and a job.”  He grinned, “One good thing came out of trying to show off, though.”

“What’s that?”  She winced when he pushed the needle through for the seventh stitch.

“You all right, Darlin’?”

“I felt that one,” she admitted.

“Three more after this one, do you want to try the bourbon?”

She started to shake her head but stopped.  “N-no.”

“Okay.  Tell me if you change your mind,” he told her.  “Now, where was I…”

“What was the good thing about showing off?”  

“Ah…  That’s right.  My dad was a doctor, so Mom took me straight to the hospital where he worked.  Even though he couldn’t stitch me up himself he recorded it because he knew I was interested in following his footsteps.  Mom thought he lost his mind, but Dad pointed out that this might cement my decision one way or another on becoming a doctor.  Now, I’ll admit, I threw up the first time I watched the video.  Hell, I threw up when they set my arm before they put it in an air cast until I could be scheduled for surgery.  That was recorded, too.  Even though I threw up, I thought it was the neatest damned thing I’d ever seen and told my parents I definitely wanted to become a doctor.  I wanted to become a surgeon…  Sorry, Darlin’, one more stitch to go.”

“And now you’re the chief medical officer on the flagship of Starfleet,” she smiled.

“I am,” he nodded.  “I still perform surgeries as needed, but I get to do so much more than what I did when I was still in Georgia.  And I’m really glad I joined Starfleet.”  He finished off the last suture.  “There we go,” he murmured.

Y/N’s eyes slid shut.  “I’m glad you joined, too…”

Leonard fumbled as he dropped the needle, scissors and forceps into the medkit and grabbed the hypo and a vial containing antibiotics.  “One more hypo to fight off any possible infection,” he warned.  “Then I’ll wrap you up and comm the Enterprise once more.  Are you hurting?”

“Yeah… a little,” she admitted.  She whimpered when he administered the antibiotic.  

“I know, Sweetheart,” he massaged her neck.  “Want that bourbon now?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he grabbed the gauze.  “Can you sit up for me?”

Y/N shifted onto her elbows before groaning.  Leonard reached out and helped her sit up.  “There we go,” he steadied her.  “I’ll help you lay back down after I wrap your head.  Can you hold this in place for me?”  He held up an antibacterial pad.

Y/N reached up.  “Okay.”

Leonard looped the gauze around her head three times.  “Now hold this so I can cut it and tie it off.  There we go,” he dipped his head to check her eyes before he eased her back down.  “Need anything before I comm the captain?”

She shook her head.

“All right,” he squeezed her shoulder before moving away from her.

He pulled the flight suit’s sleeves on once more and zipped it up as he headed for the mouth of the cave.  “McCoy to Enterprise.”

“Good news, Bones, transporter’s fixed,” Jim answered.

“Good,” Leonard let out a relieved sigh.  “I’ll pack my kit and get Y/N.  Oh, and Jim?”

“Yeah, Bones?”

“Can you do me a huge favor, I need a slice of birthday cake and a candle ready for Y/N.  It’s her birthday.”

“Okay, I can do that,” the captain agreed.  “Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“You gonna tell her you like her, too?”

“Shut up,” he snapped the comm shut and headed back to the cave.  “Good news, Darlin’, Scotty’s got the transporter fixed!”  He kneeled down beside her and smiled when he realized she had fallen asleep. 

He silently packed up his kit and slipped everything into his backpack and shouldered it.  He eased his arms under Y/N and lifted her to his chest before pushing to his feet with a grunt.  

The transporter room of the Enterprise had never looked more welcoming.  Leonard nodded a thanks to Scotty before making his way toward the nearest Turbolift.

After leaving instructions with the nurses to clean Y/N up,  get her settled and start running scans he headed for his quarters to clean up.  He was not one bit surprised to find Jim waiting when he came out of the bathroom after a quick shower.

“Did ya tell her?”

“She was sleeping, Jim,” he rolled his eyes.  “Now if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to get dressed in private.”

“You keeping her in Medbay for observation?”  Jim watched his best friend disappear into the bedroom.

“Yeah.  She hit her head pretty hard when she fell,” Leonard glanced over his shoulder to make sure the captain had not followed.  He dropped his towel and started dressing.  “I hated just leaving her in medical but I needed to clean myself up so I’m not contaminating a sterile environment.”  He walked out of the bedroom with a clean tunic in one hand, boots and socks in the other.  “Any reason you’re still here?”

“Just checking on my best friend,” Jim turned away from the photos lining the wall separating the living and sleeping spaces in Leonard’s quarters.  “Must’ve been quite a shock to learn the girl you like likes you back.”

“Yeah,” he dropped onto the sofa.  “Not gonna act on it, though, she was under the influence of a head trauma and medication.”

“If she doesn’t remember, are you gonna tell her?”  

“Only if she asks,” he raked a hand through his hair before leveling a glare on the captain.  “Don’t you dare tease her about any of this.”

“I won’t,” Jim drew an X over his heart.  

“Or me.”

He chuckled.  “That’s not a promise I will make,” he shook his head.  “When do you want the cake and candle?”

“Before the end of the day,” Leonard pulled the tunic on and stood up.  “I need to get back to medical and check on the scans I had my team run.”

“Anything else you need?”

He stopped halfway to the door.  “No,” he shook his head.  “Can’t exactly sneak a cocktail into medbay without the nurses demanding to know where their’s is.”

Jim laughed.  “You forget who you’re talking to, Bones,” he walked by the doctor and slapped his shoulder.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I was kidding about the cocktail,” Leonard glared at him.

“I know,” the captain let himself out.  

It was late when Y/N stirred.  She groaned as she opened her eyes.  

Leonard was sound asleep, slouched in the chair beside her with a blanket draped over him (likely from one of the nurses).  His hand cradled hers on the bed.  A small rolling bed table sat in front of him with a reusable water bottle and a clear container holding, of all things, a cupcake with a candle.  She smiled as she shifted her hand under his.

The doctor startled awake.  “You in pain?”  He asked, his hazel eyes immediately focusing on the biobed monitor to check her vitals.

“A little,” she admitted.  “Is… is that a cupcake?” 

Leonard gave her a sheepish smile.  “Yeah, it is.  Thought I’d get one for ya for your birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Darlin’,” he squeezed her hand.  “Other than a little pain, how are you feeling?”

“Disoriented,” she shrugged.  “I had some weird dreams, Dr. McCoy,” she looked over at him.  “Not weird…  That’s not the right word…”

He frowned.  “What were they about?  Sweetheart, I’m not being nosy.  I’m only asking to make sure it’s not something indicative of a more serious head injury.”

She grimaced.  “They’re… embarrassing,” her eyes shot up to his and away before he could study her pupils.  

“Y/N, no need to worry about being embarrassed if it means helping me diagnose you better,” he shifted in the chair to lean forward.  “You don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want to, just give me enough to work with.”

She nodded.  “Can I sit up, please?”

He reached forward to press a control to raise the head of the bed.  “Here,” he stood to adjust the pillows for her.  “How’s that?”  

“Better,” she smiled shyly.  “I… um…  I know I fell and hit my head and the transporter malfunctioned.”

“Yeah,” he sank down into the chair again and took her hand.  

“My memory is fuzzy after that,” her eyes dropped to their hands.  “But my dreams…  I dreamed we were in a cave where you were taking care of me.  And I was saying things completely out of character to you.”

“Out of character… how?”  Leonard squeezed her hand.  

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.  “I’m the quiet, shy type, not bold and… flirty,” she whispered the last word.  She let out an embarrassed giggle.  “I, uh, dreamed I was flirting.  Badly.  And singing.”

He cleared his throat.  “You’re rememberin’, Sweetheart,” his voice was low, his Southern drawl coming out.  “And the flirting wasn’t bad.  Trust me, the captain’s my best friend, I’ve seen him in action.”

She groaned.  “I am so sorry,” she pulled her hand free to cover her face.

He caught her hands.  “No need to apologize, Y/N,” he smiled.  “Don’t apologize, don’t feel embarrassed.  We’ll talk about this when you’re feeling better, all right?”

“Can I have that cupcake?”

“Let’s start with something bland first, you were nauseous earlier,” he grinned.  “But I can’t light that candle for you to make a wish on, not in here.”

“You’re already holding my hand,” she smiled back.  “My wish already came true.”

He stood up and leaned forward to brush a soft kiss to her cheek.  “Happy birthday, Darlin’,” he murmured.  

[halfblood-fiend]

On Humans and Nightmares - Star Trek TOS (with ST: Discovery lore), pre-relationship Kirk x Spock

Taking place shortly after the episode, The Conscience of the King, Kirk grapples with his dredged up trauma and Mr. Spock offers a solution taken from his own past personal experience with his adopted sister.

Words: 4,792

Rating: General Audiences

Warning(s): some hinting to the murder fate of Burnham’s parents, maybe some PTSD if you had annoying/irresponsible older siblings 

Read it on AO3

Jim Kirk sat at the desk in his dimly lit quarters and tried to focus on the words swimming in his vision as best as he could. No matter how stubbornly he stared, the words refused to stay put, to stay sharp. In fact, they seemed rather hellbent in proving this to be an exercise in futility. The reports on the PADDs blurred together in his mind until he couldn’t remember which he had read and approved and which he hadn’t. His itchy eyes and heavy lids were all but begging him to go to sleep. Just get some damn sleep, you miserable fool!

Funny. His inner voice of reason sounded an awful lot like Bones. That thought distracted and amused him for a moment and Jim tried to stretch out his neck and shift in his chair to keep himself awake. Because no matter how badly his body or that inner voice of Bones wanted him to sleep, he couldn’t listen to either.

Or wouldn’t listen to it, as was more the case.

For three days now, nightmares had plagued him. It was silly and childish, and very much not befitting of a captain, to be so afraid of the dark—of sleeping—but Jim thought that if he had to relive Tarsus IV again one more time it might just be the death of him.

Maybe he should have gone straight to Bones for help after the first. If he went right now, maybe he could cajole his friend into giving him some sleep-inducing hypo-spray. Jim considered it…and then dismissed it. The risk of Bones pouring him a glass of whiskey and sitting Jim down to make him “talk it out” was just too great. That was the last thing Jim wanted to do, no matter how good a medically induced death-like sleep sounded. No, he couldn’t risk Bones deciding to do his job this time around. Jim already knew, definitively, whiskey or not, that he did not want to talk about this. What else was there to say about Tarsus that hadn’t already been said before?

Kodos had murdered thousands of people, and then Jim just let him get away with it. Twice. He hadn’t listened to his old friend or his gut and then the murderer was allowed to just…die. All those souls who could never rest easy… Jim had let them all down. Four thousand souls sitting heavy on his shoulders. Like ghosts, they haunted him, plagued him with nightmares as penance for not extracting their justice in their name.

There wasn’t enough whiskey in the galaxy to numb that, let alone in Bones’ stash.

So his perfect and flawless plan to avoid the nightmares? Avoid sleeping.

Jim massaged his eyes with his fingers until black dots popped in his vision. He sat back, yawning, and then the door chime rang. For a heartbeat, he stared at the bulkhead and considered pretending to be asleep, until a nasty thought occurred to him:

Jim had already shirked his duty as a survivor, it would be shameful to avoid his responsibility as a Captain too.

He set his mouth. “Enter,” he sighed.

The door slid open, revealing his first officer in the hallway. Mr. Spock glided inside, his eyes glued to his own PADD. He was already speaking before he had made it fully through the threshold.

“Captain, there seems to be minute inconsistencies in the computer’s analysis of the geothermal data we collected on Al’her V. I wonder if—”

The Vulcan glanced up at Jim for the first time and stopped dead. The look in his eyes made Jim wonder what an awful sight he was, to give his first officer such pause. He tried to give Spock a smile, hoped it wasn’t more of a grimace. “You wonder if?” he prompted.

“Sir…” Spock cocked his head to the side. Jim had hardly known Spock to hesitate when he had something to say, and something in the timbre of the other man’s single syllable made him curious. Jim felt it teetered on the edge of something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He stared at Spock’s mouth for a moment, fascinated by it. Waiting.

No, he was thinking too much into it. He was delirious. Jim rubbed his face again and said a quick prayer to anyone listening that his exhaustion wouldn’t give way to impropriety.

At least, not today.

“Captain,” Spock said seriously, appearing to make up his mind, “are you well?”

To tell the truth or to tell a lie? To tell or to lie? There were merits and downsides to both, and Jim attempted to weigh them all quickly in his sluggish mind.

“No, Spock, I…” Jim began… and then lost his nerve. “I’m just tired is all.”

“Tired,” Spock echoed. His dark eyes flicked to the bright green letters of the chronometer beside Jim’s bed and then to the neatly tucked in sheets. Been that way for days. “If you have not slept since our last full shift on the bridge, I calculate that you will not have slept for nearly thirty-six hours.”

“Oh?” It was thirty-eight, actually. If one counted the two hours before their shift that Jim’s last nightmare had stolen from him. But who was counting?

“That is unsafe for a human, and more so for a starship captain. You should consider seeing to your needs for the greater benefit.”

Jim could only find it in himself to nod. He knew that already. He had given the same sort of lecture to himself, but the consistency of the nightmares made it difficult. Even if he did fall asleep, the snatches of rest he got were fitful at best. So, what did Spock know about it? Jim didn’t have the patience right now to listen to this.

His displeasure may have shown on his face, for Spock’s brows knit. He approached Jim’s desk and sat gracefully on the other side of it, laying his PADD aside. When the man spoke again, his voice was gentler, and made Jim’s heart ache in his chest.

“It is something else, isn’t it? Something, perhaps, to do with the travelling theatre troupe? I do realize how the loss of Govenor Kodos must have affected you.”

“How could you possibly realize that?” Jim spat before he could stop himself.

Spock may have appeared unmoved by the venom in Jim’s voice, but he felt immediately guilty anyway. Spock didn’t have anything to do with it, he didn’t deserve to be snapped at. He was even, quite unexpectedly, trying to help Jim.

His heart shriveled up in his chest. He backtracked. “I’m sorry, Spock. I… yes. Kodos or Karidian or whomever he was… his end was…dissatisfying to say the least. I’ve been unsettled ever since.”

“You are dissatisfied with his death?”

“I am dissatisfied with the lack of justice in it.” Jim considered saying more. He considered telling his first officer that it was unfair and frustrating and made him feel like the useless child once again, watching the horror unfold from behind the stands. Powerless once more. But these were all feelings, just raw emotions and Spock would never, either by his nature or by his own desire, understand any of those.

And Jim refused to unburden himself by burdening this Vulcan with his humanity.

Besides, Jim was sure that Spock was sure there was more to it anyway. It was hard to put anything past him. The other man’s interlaced fingers pressed to his lips; Spock’s lovely, deep-set eyes regarded him.

“One would assume you wouldn’t lose sleep over mere dissatisfaction. “

“They’re just nightmares, Spock,” Jim said quickly, realizing that he had to act fast if he wanted to wriggle out of the same impromptu therapy he had wanted to avoid in Bones. “Old faces. Old nightmares. Nothing to be very worried about, but still. I don’t sleep well.”

“Ah.” Spock nodded, more to himself it seemed. “And you hoped that staying alert for as long as possible would—”

“Make me too tired to dream, yes,” Jim finished for him. “That was the idea, anyway. I wish there was a guarantee it would work…”

Spock was quiet a few moments, his brows knit a little while he thought. Jim found himself sleepily taking advantage of the vulcan’s downturned gaze. He hadn’t been this close to Spock for some time, trying to give him the distance he deserved, even though Jim wanted very badly to be near him. Constantly, inexplicably. Vulcans, he knew, didn’t appreciate that. But maybe if he drank in Spock’s face now, Jim could replace his nightmares with far pleasanter dreams. Filled with long steepled fingers and black bangs and dark eyes, curving pointed ears and high cheekbones—Spock suddenly looked up, brightly, for a Vulcan, and took Jim aback. “If I may…Jim, offer something of a solution?”

His name! Jim didn’t think Spock had ever used his name before. He was surprised that he had used ‘Jim’ and not ‘James.’ It was more proper, more expected. Overwhelmingly curious, Jim indicated that Spock continue.

“It has been my experience that humans, as social creatures, garner direct benefits from social interactions. I…knew of another human who often had nightmares in the first several years that I knew her. These dreams went away with time and mental discipline, but a temporary solution could be found once she was no longer alone in a room. It is…an imperfect solution, and perhaps it would make you uncomfortable, but as an integral member of this crew with so many lives at risk, I hope you give it proper consideration, Jim. So, it is by this logic that offer my company in your room tonight so that you may get some clearly much needed rest.”

Jim stared. He couldn’t believe his ears. Spock was offering to—what? —stay the night with him? Keep him company? That couldn’t be right. That seemed...so out of character. Not that Jim claimed to know his first officer very well beyond a spotless service record. Did he make a habit of keeping nightmare-having women company in their quarters? That wasn’t something that was on his file.

There is nothing else for it but to ask, Jim supposed.

“And…just what are you intending to propose? I am…afraid it’s unclear. Forgive me.”

Spock nodded as though there was nothing amiss and Jim wasn’t sitting across from him having an audible heart attack while being prodded with jealousy. “Not surprising given your sleepless state. I am offering my presence for whatever comfort you might take from it. It is my estimation that I may just as easily analyze reports in your quarters as in mine. Only here, I hypothesize I would aid in putting your mind to rest.”

Ah. So…just offering to stay over to be another body in the room. Jim tried to ignore the way his heart shrunk in disappointment.

He didn’t know what his imagination had been on about. That, all-of-a-sudden, Spock would crawl right into his bed was ludicrous.

And yet.

Rubbing his face again, banishing impure thoughts mingled with disappointment, Jim agreed. “It’s worth a shot. Better than what I’m doing, anyway, if I’m being honest. Though I will request that you don’t tell Bones. About the nightmares, I mean. He’d have my head if he knew I wasn’t reporting sleeping problems again.”

“It is my experience that our dear doctor has ‘had men’s heads’ for less, but I will comply.”

Jim smiled. “Bones is just a staunch believer in tough love, that’s all. I…appreciate what you’re doing, Spock. You will…wake me if—”

“I will keep an eye out, Captain, and wake you if anything seems amiss.”

Jim hadn’t missed the way Spock had switched back to his formal name-calling. He wasn’t upset about it. He wasn’t.

With a final lingering look, Jim rose and drowsily made his way to his bed. His heaviness hit him all at once. He had really managed to stay up for a long while, hadn’t he? He hadn’t pulled such a stunt since all-nighters in his academy days. But it wasn’t just his finals he was risking anymore. Spock was right about becoming a danger to his ship, of course. Jim was putting all their lives at risk with his fear.

He had half a mind to crawl into bed in his clothes, both for ease and to protect Spock’s eyes, but Jim knew he could never get comfortable like that. So he stripped down to his briefs and dove into bed as quickly as he could manage. He blushed, but made sure not to glance back at Spock, presumably still sitting at the desk.

Don’t think about him watching you undress.

Closing his eyes, Governor Kodos’ face swam into Jim’s vision right on time, but it didn’t bring with it the pangs of anger or regret. This time, the half-shadowed memory hardly bothered Jim at all.

This time, Jim didn’t have to face his demon alone.

Spock resumed his previous manual calculations and noted that Jim was quiet for several hours. It was just as well.

For a moment after he made his offer, Spock experienced a fleeting pang of regret, a sudden nagging at the back of his consciousness that he was being far too forward with the Captain.

Obvious, to put it bluntly. He was being obvious.

Whatever base attraction he had to the captain had to be controlled and ignored. He mustn’t let him know. Not because the Captain would be cruel or make an ordeal out of it—he wouldn’t, Spock was certain—but because Spock would never be able to live with the soft pity he could vividly imagine in Jim’s eyes if he learned of Spock’s infatuation.

Tonight, he had nearly given himself away.

While logical for a human to require the comfort of another person in the room with them to sleep, Spock had promptly assessed that his offer was being taken in a more physical direction than he had originally intended. Jim’s blank and uncertain surprise had all but confirmed it.

Spock caught and corrected his behavior, as he so often did around Jim, but decided not rescind his solution.

The offer, after all, had been genuine, and from genuine experience.

Since her arrival in their home, Michael Burnham had been plagued with nightmares.

At first, her shouts in the dead of night from down the hall were irksome to him, disturbing Spock either during his late meditation or his own slumber on numerous occasions. When it became apparent they would be a regular occurrence, Spock found himself uniquely concerned. Not only for himself, and how being woken through the night might affect his days in the Learning Center, but also for the affect it had on his mother, who was most often the one who would go to Michael and console her. He never spared much thought for the wellbeing of the new intruder, Michael Burnham until some time later.

After Michael had lived with them for a few months and his concern now included her, he got up the nerve to ask about her nightmares. It was a particularly cool afternoon, late in the year, and they worked together on assignments in a sunny spot on their kitchen table.

“Why do you have nightmares every night?”

Michael turned furtive in her seat across from him. She pulled the textbook they were sharing nearer to her PADD and pretended to be engrossed in it.

“What are they of?”

Shrugging, she mumbled, “I dunno. Just...bad dreams, I guess.”

Spock could tell she was lying but could also tell that pressing the issue outright would yield him no new results. He judged a new tack of lending helpfulness would fare better. Humans, generally most people, responded well to being helped by their peers.

“When I have bad dreams, father cautions me to meditate on them. Being afraid of them gives them power. He says it’s better to face it outright—”

“I guarantee you that we don’t have the same bad dreams, Spock.” Her voice was cold and hard, and her eyes did not move over the text in any attempt to appear she was reading anymore. “Can’t you just drop it?”

“I want to help you,” Spock insisted, leaning forward in his chair. “If you don’t do well in the Learning Center—”

“I’m doing fine!”

“No, you’re not. Your productivity is declining by 2.3 percent a week and your response times are most likely inhibited by—”

Michael clapped her hands to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, crying, “Just STOP IT! Can’t you see I don’t want to talk about it? Just STOP ASKING!”

This was not going as well as he planned. “I only want to help—”

“My parents were murdered by Klingons right in front of me! I have to hear it every night! You can’t help that! NO one can!”

Spock's mouth snapped closed and he stared across at her. For a long time, he couldn't think of a single thing to say. What could be said?

And before he realized an apology should be tumbling from his lips, Michael had scooped up all her study materials and rushed from the table, tears streaming behind her.

Sybok slouched into the room just as Michael pushed past him. He looked up at Spock with bleary but accusing eyes. “What did you do now?”

“Nothing!”

“They might not have as much control over their emotions as our kind, but even humans don’t cry for ‘nothing’.”

“I wasn’t doing anything. I was trying to help!”

His older brother’s lean face was impassive, but Spock swore he saw the glint of mischief in his eyes. “Of course,” Sybok scoffed. “You did a great job.”

Scowling, Spock shoved away from the table and collected his own things.

Don’t be mad. I don’t feel anger. The way his human eyes pricked in the corners were in direct contradiction to his thoughts.

Spock was trying to help. And what did Sybok know about that? All he did was stay shut up in his room, sometimes for days on end, until Amanda lured him out with food. Spock didn’t think he had ever thought about helping Michael.

“Where are you going now?”

Spock ignored him. He kept his head low, intent on pushing past Sybok if he tried to stop him. But he met no resistance.

“How about you try not to make it worse this time,” Sybok called after Spock as he reached the stairwell.

Without glancing back, Spock took them two at a time.

He would speak with Michael again. He would apologize. He would—

But he never did get to that day, or any day after. The next time he saw Michael, she acted as though nothing had transpired at all. Spock had been forced to let it go.

Until one night, when both Sarek and Amanda were out for the evening at a dignitary’s gala.

Spock had nearly fallen asleep when a scream—Michael’s scream—echoed through the house.

Turning over, Spock pressed his pillow around his head and attempted to go back to sleep. Sybok was in charge. He would handle it in his parents’ absence. Likely in the same indifferent way he had handled “dinner”, but he would handle it all the same. Michael’s wellbeing wasn’t Spock’s problem tonight. Their parents had said…

And then a small, timid knock on his door roused him from the edges of a hazy dream.

Rubbing his eyes, swallowing his annoyance, Spock threw himself out of bed and stomped across the floor. He yanked on the handle, and there Michael stood, with tears in her eyes. Sneaking a glance down the hall, Spock saw Sybok’s door firmly closed and Michael’s thrown wide open.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, struggling to keep irritation out of his voice. “Are you hurt? Do you require a healer?”

Michael shook her head, but still the tears ran silently down her cheeks. “M-may I enter?”

Without a valid reason not to, Spock stood aside for her. She wiped her nose and tried to gather herself in the dark room as he waited. He focused on keeping perfectly still to keep his foot from tapping. It helped to busy himself counting the seconds of lost sleep in his head and attempting to calculate the impact they would have on his marks at the Learning Center the next morning. In the end, it was impossible to be accurate because his data was incomplete without a single important variable: how long this interruption would take.

“I can hear them, Spock,” Michael said finally. She was quiet and her voice sounded raw on the edges from crying. “Have you ever heard a Klingon growl before? My dad, he shouted at them, but he couldn’t stop—my mom—” Whatever else she might have said choked off in a sob.

Spock’s eyes grew wide and his body became tense. He was not equipped to deal with…this.

Suddenly, Spock understood. Sarek had informed him and his brother before she arrived of the fate of Michael Burnham’s real parents and warned them against asking Michael about it.

“Humans don’t often wish to discuss such things,” his father had said. “They find these emotions difficult to process and attempt to avoid them. You should respect that desire until she is ready.”

Sybok yawned in a way that felt very purposeful, but Spock had diverted Sarek’s reprimand by asking, “How long should we expect that to take?”

He pressed his mouth in a line as he stared at his eldest son for a moment before answering his youngest, “It is impossible to approximate. Perhaps she will never choose to speak of it, but we must maintain that it is her choice to do so.”

How he wished he had made the connection between this and Michael’s nightmares. It seemed so obvious now.

To his surprise (or maybe relief) she didn’t say any more, though neither did her tears subside. Spock wondered if he should attempt to comfort her somehow, but found he was ill-equipped to do that either. Spock couldn’t even raise his arms to offer a hug. He just stood there motionless, mouth glued shut, tongue like lead.

Helpless. Useless.

Michael finally spoke. “Would.. would it be okay if I slept in here with you? I could get my blanket and stay on the floor? Usually Amanda comes and stays with me until I go back to sleep, but… but…”

But his mother wasn’t here, he finished for her.

Spock licked his lips and tried to speak, but still nothing would come. The request didn’t seem outlandish, through his mind pricked with a strange desire to do more. But what, he didn’t know, so he nodded.

As Michael dashed away to grab her things, Spock tried to reconcile what it must have been like to relieve the loss of your family over and over again in your dreams. Being tortured by the other children was one thing. The vague monstrous shapes of his imagination that haunted his own nightmares was one thing. But a memory that wouldn’t leave you? He tried to imagine his mother screaming, his home burning, his father fighting the hulking shapes of Klingon warriors wielding fierce glinting bat’leths, and Spock understood. His heart ached terribly, and he felt his own hot tears prickle at the corners of his eyes.

Inappropriate, as Vulcans do not cry. Shaking his head, Spock bid the imaginary specters to leave him alone, assuring himself that the only danger threatening his mother and father tonight was an overabundance of champagne.

By the time she had returned clutching her duvet and pillow, he’d regained control of himself.

Michael closed the door behind her and followed him back towards his bed. She stopped short and tossed her pillow on the ground by the thick rug protruding from under the bed’s feet.

Pausing in pulling away his covers, Spock made a quick and logical decision. “That is unnecessary,” he said, finding his voice at last. Maybe he couldn’t describe his empathy to her, or fully realize how awful it must have been to relive your parents’ final moments, as he still had his. Maybe he couldn’t quite give the Terran the exact comfort she might have needed, but Spock was convinced he could still do something. “Your dreams have already deprived you of hours of restful sleep tonight. I see no reason to spend the rest of your time in discomfort when my bed is plenty big enough for the both of us.”

Michael, wide-eyed and disbelieving, looked from her pillow on the floor to Spock’s large bed. “Are…are you sure?”

Admittedly, he swam in it most nights. “Yes. It’s logical.”

She blinked at him a moment more before scooping the pillow up and climbing up onto the bed, dragging her own duvet behind her. She wriggled to the far side as Spock clambered in after her.

“Good night, Spock,” Michael whispered as he gathered his own blanket around himself.

He hoped it would prove to be now. “Good night, Michael.”

They both quickly fell back asleep and did not wake the rest of the night.

It was the first of many such encounters in their youth, and eventually, she stopped asking permission at all. It came to be that whenever Spock heard his door open, rousing him from sleep, he rolled over to the side to make room for his sister.

There was a marked difference, she informed him objectively, in the consistency of her nightmares when she had his presence beside her.

Spock was satisfied he could similarly aid his captain, now.

Just as he decided to settle in for a meditation, Jim’s rest took a turn for the worse. He began to pant and to moan piteously as he shifted in his bed. Then he thrashed, a twist of limbs and blanket. The only intelligible words that could be discerned by Spock’s ears was “No.” The single syllable left his lips in a string and ended in a final, barely audible, “Not them.”

Spock crossed to Jim and deliberated a moment. The Human’s handsome face was scrunched as though he were in pain, lovely mouth open and gasping for breath. Spock reached a hand towards Jim’s forehead, but paused. No, that seemed like a severe breach in manners. Many humanoids did not appreciate their minds being invaded without permission. He didn’t know the Captain quite well enough for that.

Yet.

Spock pressed the thought from his mind with vague irritation and considered alternatives when Jim suddenly rolled over away from him towards the wall. The new position exposed an ample amount of space on the mattress, ample enough to—

With hindsight, Spock realized he could have—and perhaps should have—wakened Jim and let events unfold from there. But in the moment, with Michael’s ordeal still on his mind, and wanting Jim to have a full night’s peace, Spock did what he would continue to argue was “perfectly logical” for days later. Even when he knew, deep down and with burning shame, that it very much was not.

He dispensed himself of his polished black boots and carefully tested his weight on the edge of the mattress. Spock watched Jim closely, searching for any indication he was waking. All he saw was Jim’s broad back heaving, his head twitching minutely on his pillow. It appeared to be safe enough. He was not disturbed.

Spock climbed into bed behind the fitful captain and when that alone did not appear to ease Jim’s heartrate, he snaked his arms around the other man’s waist. Michael had found this comforting in their youth, he reasoned, and most, if not all, Humans gained distinct benefit from touching others. He would ask forgiveness later, he decided, closing his eyes. He listened to the erratic patter of Jim’s heart and labored breathing, counting the beats and noting their rhythm.

Jim’s relief with the pressure of his arm was very nearly instantaneous. Tense muscles in his back and neck relaxed, a long sigh parted his lips, and, slowly, minute by minute, the frantic heartbeat settled. As Jim relaxed into a deep sleep, he pressed himself into Spock’s chest and the Vulcan noted that he fit snuggly. Almost as though it was where he belonged.

Spock roughly shoved the thought from his mind before it could have the chance to plant itself and grow.

This is logical, Spock thought firmly, settling his head onto the Captain’s second pillow. This is necessary to protect the rest of the crew.

His own fluttering heart was the only thing brave enough to call him a liar.

Thank you for reading! <3

[hurt-spock]

Fic: Lava 3/?

When Nurse Chapel returned from her meeting with Kirk she saw McCoy must have returned to his office as there was an engaged light on and she sighed. She'd check on the doctor shortly.

She thought Kirk might be right about Spock. Taken out of sickbay would probably be a lot better for him. She'd have to check in on him daily, as he wasn't eating or drinking still but was certain without the watchful eye of medical care, he would attempt it sooner rather than later.

As she approached the bed, Spock almost appeared to curl in on himself. It broke her heart to see him be so affected by something out of his control. She ignored his troubling body language and took a seat beside him.

“I have some good news,” she said, sounding more positive than she felt. “I think that it was be good for you to finish healing in your own quarters at your own pace. You've already done so well but we just need to get you speaking and eating again and you'll be good as new.”

She noticed he seemed to react well to that news. He sat up a little more and the strain on his face didn't look to be as intense.

With effort, Spock cleared his throat before whispering gruffly “Thank you.”

Christine beamed a smile at him. “Doing better already,” she said. “I'm just going to grab you a few things to take with you to make sure you take care of yourself and you can go. Do you want me to notify Nyota? She can help you back rather if you'd prefer that?”

He nodded.

“Okay, you sit tight.”

~

Nyota arrived quickly to help Spock.

He may not have needed her physical help, but he needed her support. He was not ready to speak to anyone and he was afraid McCoy might speak with him again.

They got to his quarters without incident. Spock kept his head down, not wanting to see anyone else and it seemed to him that people went out of their way to avoid him from the lack of people they passed.

He felt great relief when the door to his quarters finally closed and he let out a content sigh. Uhura put the few items Chapel had given to Spock beside his bed.

“You should get some rest,” she said. “You don't look like you've had much sleep, even for you,” she commented as she closed the gap between them. She hesitated as she closed the gap between them. He flinched away and she stopped. “It's okay,” she soothed, understanding. “I get it. The last time you touched someone, you hurt them.”

He hadn't expected her to speak about it, not so soon. She pulled his desk chair around and behind him, encouraging him to sit. He did.

She crouched down beside the chair and placed her hand on his knee. It was contact but not skin to skin, she didn't think he could handle that right now.

“You won't hurt me,” she said gently to him. “Leonard is scared about what happened. His working things out in his way and once he has, he'll know that you are not capable of what happened to him.”

Spock let out a shuddering breath. He could feel hot tears prick at his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall and blinked them back, furiously. She believed in his so much that it hurt his heart to realise it. But she didn't know everything.

He cleared his throat. It still hurt, like something was lodged in it.

Sensing he was about to try and speak to her, Uhura held up her hand and got him a glass of water first. “Try drinking just a little,” she said.

He took a tiny sip of water but seemed to be content with that. Quieter and with more trouble than she imagined, he spoke. “You do not know the truth,” he managed.

“What truth?” she asked. She hated asking him a question when it seemed to be such an effort for him to speak.

“I know exactly how he felt when I tried to kill him,” Spock's words were quiet and clipped short.

“No, it wasn't you. Not mentally. You would never hurt anyone like that.”

“The Captain,” Spock reminded her. He took another sip of water. “He even thought that I would kill someone one day.”

“Spock, he was scared.”

“No, he's right. I am not safe to have on board.”

“You need some time to think about this,” she said.

Shaking his head, he handed her the PADD he had bought back from sickbay. Looking at it was an approved request from Starfleet for him to return to New Vulcan.

~

McCoy was half cut in his office when Jim stormed in.

He had a PADD with Spock's request to leave on it and he dropped it in front of McCoy to see. He watched as the drunk doctor attempted to make sense of it before giving up.

“That could be anything,” he said, shrugging.

“It's Spock's approval to leave.”

“Oh. Well... good,” McCoy muttered. “Hey, I'll drink to that!” he said and grabbed for the bottle. Jim was quicker and snatched the bottle away and swiped the glass of the desk so it shattered.

“Look at the state of you, McCoy. You're supposed to be on duty, god dammit.”

“I'm having a sick day. I deserve one.”

“Did you tell Spock to leave?”

“Hey, I gave him choices. He didn't have to leave.”

“What other choices?” Kirk pressed.

McCoy snorted a laugh before breaking in to one.

“Get your shit together because if you don't, Spock's not going to be the only one leaving.”

Kirk threatened. He walked over to where he knew McCoy kept his bottles and grabbed the two remaining ones as he left the room, McCoy calling out to him as he left.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 4: 1x13 The Conscience of the King

Past midnight and I’m tired but!! The Conscience of the King!

This was a wild ep. A lot to untangle about it.

Dramatic Shakespeare! Jim’s very invested in the performance.

I legit thought that the guy next to him was McCoy the first time I watched this. I hadn’t seen much ST at the time and that’s my excuse but also in my defense he has a similar facial structure and it’s dark.

“What do I do about my log???” New hydration game: drink whenever someone mentions their logs.

So Tarsus had only 8,000 people--that’s not very many. They must have been very isolated and new. And Kodos killed 4,000.

The Karidian players are part of the “Galactic Cultural Exchange Project.”

One of my problems with believing this Kirk/Lenore romance outside the usual honeypot aspects is that she is a little young for him perhaps??? I say as if I didn’t know couples with a bigger age gap but--she’s only 19 so it’s different.

So Kodos faked his death, fairly immediately had a daughter, and then changed his identity. Her age being exactly 19 is probably just about keeping math simple but I would like to read more into it than that.

Major plot hole that there’s a PICTURE of Kodos in the database. Like???? Then everyone knows what he looks like? The idea that only 9 people have the secret knowledge to bring him to justice and yet also everyone with an internet connection can see his photo is just nonsense.

Kirk, being charming at a party. I feel like his flirt game isn’t so strong at first (here, have this glass I’ve already sipped from?) but it gets stronger as their conversation goes on. He doesn’t have the greatest lines but his attitude is so charming and attractive it legit does not matter what he’s saying.

I used to feel, at least, that Lenore was one of his real, legit love interests, probably because of the ending and because it was one of the first eps I saw so I took it as more face value, but on a rewatch... not really sure. At any rate this initial flirting is all about the Strategy.

I find it somewhat disturbing that Lenore played her father’s wife.

The Astral Queen??

Lenore is really bad at judging Kirk, like from beginning to end. If this were airing now and I were in the fandom, I’d be getting into internet fights with people about how her analyses of him are biased and shouldn’t be taken at face value because they clearly have no connection to how he actually is. “Where’s the brash young man from the party?” Was there ever a brash young man? Is he in any way different on their walk versus inside??

A dead body, what a mood killer.

I like the aesthetic of this planet, though.

Wow, wtf, Kirk, your friend’s widow is crying and you give her a five-second hug and then literally push her off screen? Gotta hurry it up ma’am!

So he just has to say ‘over and out’ and the communicator cuts the transmission and he can call someone else. Very high-tech.

Spock is displeased. A little suspicious. A little jealous.

How did you know she was coming on the ship? “I’m the Captain.”

Spock should appreciate how sneaky Kirk is being with all his schemes. It’s not Menagerie level but still.

Riley! I wish he were in more eps. He’s one of my favorite minor characters. I realize he’s only in this one because they accidentally cast the same actor twice but still--he had potential. I see he’s been taken out of Navigation. And given a backstory in Engineering, and then moved to Communications. But he keeps the gold shirt. Busy fellow.

“Star Service.”

So he transferred Riley to protect him because he figured... no one knows where Engineering is?

I love this Spock and McCoy scene. McCoy being so laid back and Spock being like “I am suspicious of this suspicious situation.”

Vulcan was never conquered though??

“Your personal chemistry wouldn’t allow you to see that” sounds an awful lot like a veiled “you’re gay” reference.

Someone finally comments on the romantic lighting that follows Kirk around.

Wow, how did all this “surging and throbbing” talk get past the censors? Tone it down, Lenore.

Kirk claims he eventually really liked her, but this is like the last positive scene they have and he’s still CLEARLY fishing for information.

Love that cut from Lenore and Kirk making out to Spock alone on the bridge at night, brooding. (No one needs to steer the ship at night I guess?)

Poor Riley, stuck by himself in Engineering during the late shift. “You’ve been a bad boy.” I love when the crew gets to just hang out and be friends. Also interesting that Uhura has borrowed Spock’s harp.

Spock: “Riley can’t die because KIRK.”

This is a great triumvirate scene. I love how they play off each other, and how they simultaneously care about each other and about their jobs and doing the right thing.

I do find it weird that McCoy is so anti this whole investigating Kodos thing. Like, this isn’t some crazy vengeful path that Jim’s on or whatever he’s implying. Jim’s actually being pretty careful and slow in his actions? And there is someone actively killing people, like--the threat is imminent? It’s just a weird side to represent. I get the balance they’re trying to portray with the three sides but McCoy just doesn’t have a good argument and Jim doesn’t really need to be pulled back--if anything, he needs to be pushed, as Spock is pushing him.

“Logic isn’t enough. I’ve got to feel my way.”

 Double red alert sounds like double secret probation.

Spock shushing the Captain.

Throw the phaser out the window.

Lol after all this hullabaloo about being extra sure and all this scheming to get people on his ship--Kirk just comes out and asks Karidian if he’s Kodos. Well that’s one way about it!

Kodos, like his daughter, fundamentally misunderstands Jim. I know he seems very ‘starship captain with his technological tests’ or whatever but--to call him not human?? He is the MOST human!!

Kirk does understand life or death decisions but he would never have made the decision Kodos made.

I’m with Spock, this is not ambiguous. This man is clearly Kodos. I’m glad there was a character actively saying that the alleged tension in this “who is he really?” plot line is not actually real.

This guy is such a manipulative drama queen oml.

I feel like the morality of this situation is not as gray as some characters are trying to make it. Like, no, Lenore, no one’s crying a river for Kodos lol.

The Kodoses again are either not good at reading Kirk or are deliberately trying to gaslight him into incorrect beliefs about himself because he has literally been nothing but human and merciful this entire time!!! An inhuman person would be like “logically he has to be Kodos” and an unmerciful person would be like “and he needs to die” and just like killed him 10 minutes into the ep.

This is the downside of audio logs--private things don’t stay very private.

Riley’s on the loose! Very IC of him.

I love that the ship has a theater, btw.

Riley must have been very young on Tarsus. No more than maybe 6, 7 years old. Knowing what I know about people’s inability to actually remember things or identify people with any accuracy at all, I don’t actually believe he recognizes Kodos’s voice. But what were we saying about how Kirk is unmerciful and in human?

Riley sure backs down fast when Kirk says so.

This Lenore and Kodos scene is probably the best in the whole ep. Really laying bare their fucked up relationship and how absolutely, tragically, irredeemably mad she is. The drama! I love a true wild woman.

The irony! The Shakespearean over-the-top-ness of it all!

You know at least one person in the audience thinks this is just a really weird play.

Leave it to McCoy to ask all the wrong questions lol. He wants to know if Jim liked the girl--who the fuck cares? He knew her for one day. Maybe he was briefly legit interested in her for a few minutes there, but she’s certifiable AND she tried to kill him, so that’s that on that.

The real important thing we should be talking about here is how Jim feels about the death of a man who killed 4,000 people and traumatized him for life.

And Spock stays away entirely, instead of walking over the chair as he usually does. Giving Kirk space to sort out his feelings, perhaps?

So yeah there’s a lot to unpack in this ep.

I think I once ran across a tumblr post that said this ep implied Kirk was slated to be on the to kill list but honestly it’s pretty clearly the opposite--Kodos killed exactly who he wanted to kill, so if Kirk’s alive, Kirk was supposed to live. (I guess they thought the implication came from Kirk being one of the people to see him? But we have no idea what the circumstances of that were, or why the people to see him included a couple of teenagers and a small child.) Also I think I heard once that there was a deleted line about Kirk saying he was one of the people considered worth saving.

This ep is really wild because introducing Tarsus into Jim’s background really changes a lot and introduces a lot into his character and yet it’s basically just done for plot purposes, to make sure the main character stays at the center of the story. But truly it must have transformed him to witness that at ~15.

Overall we hear very little from Kirk directly here. We know he wants to be sure Karidian is Kodos, and he goes to a lot of trouble to be sure, even though it’s quite obvious there’s no mystery to these massive coincidences. We know from his actions--bringing the players aboard, using Lenore, transferring Riley--that he’s deeply affected by this. And sometimes people (who don’t know him well) talk about him, mostly incorrectly (though in a way where I wonder if the writer was trying to get us to think this stuff is true of him? for the dramatic effect?) But for all that, he doesn’t talk about his feelings much at all.

Another take on this ep that I also saw on tumblr and liked a lot was that Kirk is so optimistic and hopeful in part because of Tarsus, because he saw that Kodos rushed to kill people when he really didn't need to, when he didn't think the supply ship would come in time--but then it came early. So the lesson to take from that is, to always be hopeful, to always believe in the last minute save, to always prioritize people's lives and safety first because anything could happen.

I feel like we're supposed to feel bad for Kodos in some way because he left all the mass murdering behind ages ago BUT it doesn't work so well because we're also supposed to believe, imo, that he was the killer, not Lenore. Like, Spock wants Kirk to act as if this man is Kodos and be proactive, but he's not doing it because he's a vengeful person--he's doing it because Kodos, he thinks, is threatening Kirk. Spock never goes beyond that to advocate, for example, a vengeance killing versus giving him to the authorities versus idk just yelling at him or something. So this idea that interfering with Kodos in any way is just being mean is sort of bizarre--there's an active threat here.

Plus sorry but committing genocide 20 years ago isn’t something we just sweep under the rug. He was the mastermind of something truly horrendous and he got away with it! I’m not going to feel bad for him!

And on top of that the idea that he was just killing people to save other people is one thing--at least morally gray I GUESS lol. But he was targeting people for his own eugenics purposes!! He even says this is part of "the Revolution." The famine was an excuse. He wanted to kill them.

Like I realize most of the people getting on Kirk's back for literally everything are the Kodoses, who are nuts and evil, but I feel like he took a lot of shit for doing nothing wrong.

My mom was wondering how Lenore knew her father was Kodos. I’m not entirely sure but I will say I love her and how just unrepetentedly mad she is. I prefer Lenore to most TOS women because I often feel like the show doesn't......really know how to write women. With Lenore there was no attempt to make her anything but off her rocker nuts. And the twist that she was the killer was effective.

She has that very classic insanity, which is the person who has only one thought and it consumes them. Only one purpose. I think she must have been raised separate from literally everyone but her father--he's been a traveling actor her whole life, so she never socialized, she never went to school, she had no other family. He's very private so she never had, like, a social circle. So he's her WHOLE WORLD. And then maybe she got suspicious as to why that was, and discovered his past. And then she felt that this past threatened him, and anything that threatened him threatened EVERYTHING. So she became...this person we see here.

And, as my mom also pointed out, the ‘body burned beyond recognition’ story is so suspect. With all their future tech? There was no way to id it? Also, what was the official explanation as to how that happened? We know 4,000 people were killed; we know a supply/rescue ship came early, and we know Kodos died and his body wasn’t identified. But what’s the rest of the sequence of events? Was there a riot or revolt and he was killed? Did he kill himself? It’s unlikely he burned to death on accident. The point is that he did not fake his death by himself.

One downfall of this ep is that it is very complicated for only 50 minutes. So much stuff is cut short or cut out--a lot of the backstory, most of Kirk’s feelings, but even stuff like Riley backing down so fast, or Tom’s widow getting literally pushed off screen while she’s grieving. The idea that Lenore and Kirk were supposed to have a real romance somehow? And, the eugenics angle is obviously a huge part of the story but it’s barely touched upon.

According to the trivia on amazon, the original script explained Kirk's presence on Tarsus as being related to Starfleet--he was just out of the Academy and stationed there. That would make him older than other episodes assume him to be--about 42, versus 34-36. But I like it better having him be a teen bc then we don't expect him to know all the stuff that went down later, the aftermath etc. My mom suggested he might have been doing the high school version of a study abroad year, since he’s so smart. This would also explain why his family doesn’t seem to have been on Tarsus, even though if we take his age from other episodes, he was not an adult.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think AOS Kirk was on Tarsus, if in fact Tarsus happened at all in the alternate universe. I just see no evidence in his character that would make me think he’d had that experience.

Next up is Balance of Terror, yet another favorite episode. I mean Mark Lenard?? Romulans?? Can’t go wrong with that.