#jily mulan au

[rhaeblack66]

marauders era girls as disney princesses (+ two others)

because there is simply not enough about these girls in the fandom

narcissa black | mulan

narcissa is a survivor first and foremost and a slytherin all the way. mulan seems like a gryffindor at first glance - running away into battle and defying the role laid out for her, she seems more like sirius than narcissa - but she’s also doing this for her family, for her father, which is literally what narcissa is all about. the song honor to us all gives such narcissa vibes to me. the quiet but still fierce girl that turns into a soldier for her family.

andromeda black | jasmine

this one is more obvious. young princess sick of the world she’s stuck in falls in love with someone far below her station who teaches her about world outside the palace. andromeda and ted tonks anyone? plus jasmine is plenty sneaky and does what needs to be done.

bellatrix black | merida

bella was difficult for me to decide but i chose merida because they’re both headstrong but still care about their families. bella is the only named female death eater and pure blood daughters were expected to be trophy wives, she didn’t exactly fit the mold did she? merida refuses to be contained and i see bellatrix, especially young bella, in her.

pandora rosier | snow white

i always imagine pandora as kind of dreamy. intelligent obviously, but she’s definitely where luna got some of her personality from. she seems like someone who would be content in nature and appreciate the little things, and i feel like she would resonate with snow white.

dorcas meadowes | elsa

dorcas very much strikes me as an independent woman. she has her soft spot (marlene) like elsa does anna, but she’s not afraid to be her own person. i can also definitely see her needing to find herself like elsa does, especially when she finds herself on the opposite side of there war from her best friends.

marlene mckinnon | moana

marlene is definitely a gryffindor. she’s wild and free and does what makes her happy. i can definitely see moana’s free spirit in her and the determination to do what’s right, even when it’s not the easy thing **cough cough facing down a bunch of death eaters on her own**

lily evans | belle

i feel like this one is obvious. lily loves learning and she’s good at it. she reminds me of belle so much. girl ends up with a guy pining after her who she hates but eventually realizes that he’s not so bad once she gets to know him. like please, that’s literally jily. lilys also really headstrong and will do what she thinks is right, just like belle.

alice fortescue | tiana

alice was also a little difficult for me just because i feel like we don’t know that much about her. but she just gives me such tiana vibes. i feel like she’s definitely hardworking, i mean she becomes an amazing auror soon after graduating hogwarts. she’s kind, but won’t take anybody’s shit.

mary macdonald | anna

i feel like mary is just the kindest soul ever and will help anyone who needs it unless they give her a reason not too. she’s the friend that won’t stop reaching out to you if you’re being self destructive and trying to ice everyone out (see what i did there). her heart is huge and she sees the good in people.

+2

sirius black | ariel

classic kids rebelling against their parents and what they’ve been taught their whole life about the people who are different than them.

harry potter | anastasia

child is separated from the world they were born into when their parents meet an untimely death at the hands of enemies. when they’re older, they discover their true identity (i didn’t realize i needed a harry potter anastasia au until now).

[startanewdream]

I can't believe I only just found your Jily lion king au ?! It's freaking amazing and I need to read Mulan one next !!

Aaaaaw! You found my fave gems 😍😍😍 I am so glad you enjoyed the Lion King AU!

[gryffindormischief]

epoch - part 3

A/N: IT’S FINALLY DONE!  I really hope you enjoy this after the long wait!  Definitely need to read part 1 & part 2 first.  Thank you everyone who helped me & @petals-to-fish for being beautiful and encouraging and helping me not write completely nonsensical sentences.

I’ll reblog in a moment with the FF and Ao3 links!

Reinforcements arrive quickly, maintaining as much stealth as possible while emptying out the cave for any evidence available.  Lily’s got her third crate packed and has swallowed down half her supply of polyjuice over the course of the evening when James reappears from directing traffic toward the apparition point just down the beach and makes a beeline toward where she’s working.

“Alright, Ben?”

Lily nods, summoning a bit more packing fluff with her wand to cushion the top before tucking it around a few mostly empty and unlabeled jars.  The next one she grabs at random is similarly unmarked, but the sharp green leaves of Belladonna aren’t one she’s likely to forget.  Living as she has for most of her existence, Lily made a habit of memorizing characteristics of things and people apt to kill or maim. Benjy called her morbid more than once, but it had paid off on more than one occasion, and definitely was already beginning to do the same here. So far, the ingredients she’d identified just in passing made her more than certain there was an explosive element to whatever plot the Death Eater’s were preparing.

When she tells James as much, he doesn’t seem particularly surprised, but of course, is less than pleased.  “How big are we talking, scale wise?”

Lily tilts her head toward a packed crate marked with broad, eye catching letters F R A G I L E.  “There are three hollowed out Erumpent horns in that one – this one’s equal parts Belladonna and Dittany.”

James’ brows pinch together as he glances around for eavesdroppers, before he squats next to Lily and begins absently packing ingredients alongside her. He pitches his voice low, “So they’re planning to blow us up – and then heal us?”

Humming softly to herself, Lily doesn’t answer right away, still turning the issue over in her head.  “Depending on the preparation and how proficient the brewer is in potions and charms, there can be multiple effects for one concoction that happen in a preordained succession.”

He forces a light chuckle as a few Order members shuffle by, still in fairly good spirits in the wake of their success this evening. Once they’ve passed, he murmurs, “Which, in theory, is a fairly banal concept, yeah?  I’m guessing it’s not here though.”

“I can’t be sure until we catalog all this and examine it in the whole,” Lily begins, taking a swig from the flask tucked under her coat, just as a precaution, “I can’t be sure. But so far we’ve got bobotuber pus, which in general brings up open wounds.”

“And gets rid of spots,” James says, dry.

“Know from experience, Potter?”

He grins, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Mummy have lots of pictures of ickle Jamesie?”

“As if I’d introduce you to Mum Potter already – I’m not that easy,” James scoffs, studiously tucking in a few more vials away, likely hoping Lily won’t notice the flush burning the tips of his ears.

He needn’t have wasted the attempt, since Lily’s somehow got to the point of complete and utter attunement to James Potter.  A state of being which is awful for her sanity, particularly since his flush isn’t for her. Not really.

So in her own best interest, Lily offers a short smile before changing the subject by resuming her explanation.  “Belladonna, which causes hallucinations and convulsions, among other things.  And the Erumpment fluid – ”

“Dad definitely drilled the whole ‘this will blow up the entire house’ concept into my head,” James interjects, “But the dittany?”

Lily grimaces, “Imagine opening wounds, getting a hallucinogenic in the bloodstream, along with an explosive,” she pauses and runs a shaking hand through the carefully coiffed hair she’s still unused to, “And then sealing it all inside.”

Lily stays at Order headquarters late into the night after they’ve retrieved every last vial, crate, jar, and scrap of paper within the cave. She categorizes about a third of it before her vision blurs and she begins worrying that utter exhaustion will loosen her tongue.  She’s already almost forgotten her dose of polyjuice once, absorbed as she was in a particularly useful potions tome James had ‘borrowed’ from his dad.

Through it all, James was at her side with helpful comments, fresh cups of tea, and a particularly beautiful moment when he supplied a brand new packet of Madame Rosmerta’s butterbeer biscuits.  Lily’s currently attempting to muster up enough energy to actually floo home when a thought occurs to her.  “How’d you get them?”

James blinks at her, rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses in an endearingly childish manner, “Er- Benjy.  Do you not remember how we got the Death Eaters?”

Lily lets out a groan and rolls her eyes, just to be sure she exuded the appropriate level of dramatic frustration as she drops her head back to rest on the chair.  “I mean the biscuits.  Rosmerta only sells them at Christmas.”

“Sirius did a particular – and top secret – favor for her back in the day.”

She flops her head so she’s facing him, slumped down in her seat.  “So you tell me about your secret society but not about secret biscuits.”

Stacking papers filled with Lily’s cramped writing into some semblance of order, James slants a smile her way, “There are some things you have to earn trust for.”

That startles a laugh out of Lily and she uses the momentum to bring herself to her feet.  “I should be off.”

James flicks his wand and the crumb filled plates and cups sipped to the dregs float off to the already sudsy sink.  “You can always stay,” the blush again, and he ruffles his curls, “I mean there are plenty of beds. I’m staying so – not that we would be in the same – ”

And for a lot of Lily’s life, she assumed her death would be at the hands of some death eater or perhaps the result of a poorly executed prank against Benjy, depending on her levels of jollity during the day in question, but she’s rapidly becoming certain James Potter’s adorably inept flirtations will do her in before the week is out. The worst is, she can’t really enjoy it, not with the half full polyjuice flask weighing against her ribcage.

“Take a breath, eh?  I’ve got terrible lumbago – got a special mattress and everything.”

His answering smile is almost enough to have her damn the consequences and snog him within an inch of his life. But Lily’s not deficient in the self-control department; so she lets her lips quirk in response and manages to get herself home in one piece without tearing off James’ clothes and having her way with him.

The following morning – or more accurately, afternoon – Lily treats herself to an extravagant breakfast and lingers over it lazily, muscles still tense and eyes still bleary and overworked from the previous night’s antics.  

She’s dragging her last bit of toast through the remains of the yolk on her plate when the front door slips open and shut.  “Lily, wake up sleepy face.”

Lily groans and slumps back in her chair, propping her socked feet on the other.  “Shut it, I’m right here.”

“Miracles do happen,” Benjy booms, not even pretending to drop his tone.  

“God, my scalp hurts,” Lily mutters, “Are scalps supposed to hurt?  Does your scalp hurt?”

Benjy drops the grocery bags on the counter, thoughtful.  “I mean, it’s skin, so. And no, polyjuice doesn’t work that way - what is wrong with you?”

“I wonder if anyone’s studied the prolonged effects of polyjuice on scalps,” Lily muses, then points at Benjy, “Not that I was wrong - this was still our best option.  And nothing is wrong with me.  Except I’m hearing knocking.”

“No, I hear that too, Lil,” Benjy laughs, flicking the latch on the window open and letting a rather stately looking owl inside.

It flaps about the room in a wide arc and then perches on the seat back above Lily’s feet, clicks its beak, and then offers its leg importantly.  Lily quirks a brow and Benjy snorts while the owl blinks at Lily, expectant.

When it becomes clear the bird is not going to pity Lily and her aching body and come closer, she leans forward with a wince and slips the parchment from its proffered foot.  It chirrups happily and then levels a meaningful glance at the jar of owl treats on the countertop.

While Benjy complies with the silent demand, Lily flicks open the wax seal and frowns at the blocky letters.  “So I’ve been summoned.”

“You, or me.”

“Me-you.”

“Why?”

Lily scans the missive once more, “I’d wager it’s related to the haul last night.  But they’d hardly detail anything like that in a letter - Sirius mostly just babbles on with some nonsensical coded mush of sentences.”

“Annoyed?”

Lily shrugs, “Endeared.”

“How long ‘til you’ve got to go?”

“A few hours yet.”

“Telly?”

“Telly.”

Time passes quickly when watching back-to-back episodes of your favorite science fiction adventures and before long, Lily’s a foot taller and combing back her hair with a slick of Sleekeazy's.  “Ben?  I’ve got to be off.”

He tosses aside the wrinkled copy of Which Broomstick? and scrunches his nose, “That’s still weird.”

“What?  Me wearing you better than you do?”

Benjy throws a cushion at her head, “Off with you.”

“No good luck or ominous warnings?”

“I’m tired of your face.”

“You mean your face.”

“Get out.”

After sticking out her tongue in the most grown-up way possible, Lily disappears into the study and soon finds herself reappearing at Order headquarters in a swirl of green smoke and ash.

The room’s empty again, which leads Lily to believe that arrival times on invitations are likely staggered to avoid notice from the outside.  Or the Ministry, which is no doubt monitoring magical travel activity.

More at ease since her first trip, Lily offers a wave to the portraits - most are dozing save a stately man who simply sniffs and wipes his monocle - and makes her way into the hall.

At first, she’s unsure where to go in the darkened halls, with no sign or direction to point her toward the meeting, but after a large cracking sound and a resulting tremor that nearly sends a porcelain vase tumbling to the creaky wood floors, Lily turns definitively toward the west end of the house.

Before long, she’s outside a room with a wide wooden doorway where rumbling and good-natured jibes sound from within and she knocks twice - a likely futile gesture - and pushes the door open.

It’s a lot to take in, this many grown men and women firing spells with expert precision.  Given her upbringing, most of her training has been in groups no larger than she can count on one hand.  Here, there are dozens of witches and wizards fighting as if they’re really in battle, the rules of duelling set aside in the name of preparation.

She’s certainly seen her fair share of spats with Death Eaters during her time with the underground, but given the covert nature of their operations, numbers remain small and all parties involved prefer to keep things low-key.

These people - they’re all flash and substance.  Beautifully executed, non-verbal spells that slash with expert precision, only to be blocked with equal proficiency.

Lily’s still marvelling at a particularly lovely Bombarda followed by a tuck-and-roll when a ‘whoop’ catches her attention on the other side of the training space.

Remus claps his hands appreciatively while Sirius takes a bow with a flourish.  This earns him an eye roll from James, who is.  He’s sweaty, ok?  Like ‘look at those glistening muscles’ sweaty.

And just as she thinks the one grace afforded to her is the t-shirt that at least partially disguises James’ delicious physique, he tucks his wand into a damn thigh holster and whips his t-shirt clean off.

It’s a beautiful sort of torture, worse than anything a Death Eater could imagine, being trapped inside Benjy’s body as a sort of spy while a disgustingly attractive bloke you definitely fancy trots about shirtless.  

Luckily, she’s apparently gone unnoticed so far, a state of affairs that holds true as she gapes like the lonely cow she is.  After a handful of moments, Lily drags herself from the indulgence that is ogling James Potter and strides across the room to join him and the others - they are her contacts after all.

“Alright, Potter?”

James twists around, laughter still on his face from whatever teasing banter he’d had going with Sirius, and his eyes widen.  “Ben!  Glad you’re here.”

And though he keeps his bravado, Lily’s half certain a flush rises on James’ cheeks.  Which is gratifying but also not because she’s bloody Benjy and this whole damn situation is going to drive her to madness.

Regardless, James doesn’t seem too eager to re-shirt himself, tossing the damp top over his shoulder and slipping his hands into his pockets.  He begins sauntering away and Lily’s luckily got some level of immunity from her pre-announcing herself gawking because James Potter looks just as good going as he does coming.  Oh god.

She’s so lost, she grabs to toy with the end of a braid that’s not there, desperately craving the little nervous tic like an addiction.  

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Sirius claps her on the shoulder and guides her in James’ wake toward the surprisingly well-stocked refreshment table.  “Benny - Benny and the Jets, my boy, my man, how are you, the hero of the hour?”

James takes a gulp of water and swipes at his mouth in that messy way that has Lily salivating.  Still, she’s not totally useless.  “Benny and the Jets, never heard that one before.”  Benjy has grown to hate that particular association game with his name.  Lily made sure of it by the end of 1973.

Smiling, James punches her shoulder lightly.  “You really did get the two of us massive points with that whole reverse engineering bit,” James says, “I’d hug you but I’m pretty rank at the mo’.”

As Lily’s mustering up a sarcastic ‘thanks’, Sirius ruffles James’ hair and drawls, “What’s a little sweat between friends.”

And because someone up there has an amazing love-hate relationship with Lily Evans and loves screwing with her as a result, James winks at her.  “Raincheck - Ben’ll like me better after a shower.”

James doesn’t have to deal with the ramifications of whatever that was, mainly Remus’ raised brows and Sirius’ knowing look.  Which is loads more unbearable when they’re teasing her because James is flirting with Benjy-Lily instead of Lily-Lily.

Honestly, if she didn’t hate Voldemort already…

Still, her romantic frustrations are relatively low on the list of priority, so Lily brushes those thoughts to the side and turns toward Remus as he munches a biscuit, “So, we reverse engineered - what’s the plan?  Have we got one yet?”

Sirius finishes preparing his tea and leads the way back out into the hall and toward a small drawing room Lily's not explored quite yet.

It’s a cozy nook, the fire flaring under a flick of Lily’s wand, and they soon claim seats on the golden tufted furniture that fills most of the room.  

“James is, I will admit,” Sirius begins around the rim of a surprisingly delicate china cup, “The mastermind for this sort of thing.”

“He is surprisingly good at strategic planning.”

Lily strokes her chin, finally getting used to the feel of a scruffy jawline.  “Well - not really.  Wasn’t he quidditch captain?”

A scoff sounds from the doorway.  “At least someone remembers I’m not just a pretty face.”

“It’s a good thing,” Sirius says with a smirk that quickly turns into a scowl as James aims a stinging hex for his shoulder.

James slumps into the only empty armchair, casting his chiseled face golden in the glow of the fire.  He’s dressed in a surprisingly modern manner - another t-shirt with a muggle band emblazoned across the front and distressed trousers Lily’s certain he didn’t just buy to look like he supports muggles.  

Still damp, James’ hair sticks up in random bits when he ruffles it thoughtfully.  “Anyway, the plan is twofold - we’ve changed the main focus of training to either aim toward keeping the opponent from using the potion or to mitigate the effects if it’s unavoidable.”

Lily nods, thoughtful, and James continues, “The secondary goal is to create our own counter potions.  Definitely to protect ourselves from the effects.  But more importantly, and perhaps more difficult as well, we need something to protect the muggles the fire bombs are certainly intended for.”

A lump forms in Lily’s throat at the thought muggles left defenseless and she can’t really find much to respond with.  

Remus kicks a leg up on the table and drops his head back with sigh.  “Yes, because we can be certain they aren’t prioritizing attacking anyone who can actually fight back.”

“Bunch of damn - bloody - ”

James produces a flask from...somewhere, and takes a swig before offering it around the circle.  “You’ll have to excuse Sirius, rage does wonders on his articulability.”

Accepting the proffered flask, Sirius adds a healthy serving to his tea. “That is not even a word.”

“I think it’d be articulacy,” Remus muses.

And somehow, the squeezing at Lily’s chest lightens at their banter.  It’s not that they don’t feel the weight of, of everything.  But they draw strength in the moments of shared ease, that familiarity reminding them exactly what they fight for - for themselves and others.

The rest of the evening is filled with meetings, planning sessions that involve more people, more egos, but luckily no less illicit beverages, until Lily leaves in a cloud of green smoke.  James’ lingering glance and shy wave the last thing she sees.

Shite.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on Lily’s mood, Dorcas happens upon her not a quarter of an hour after she returns home.  And it’s genuine curiosity and not entirely diversion motivated questioning that has Lily’s brow furrowing.  “What brings you to Fenwick Manor at this late hour, Miss Meadows?”

Dorcas rolls her eyes and drops back onto the couch cushions with a dramatic sigh.  “Sadly, nothing so scandalous as you’re insinuating.”

“Aw, Benny giving you a hard time?”

“I’ve got closer to shagging you as Benjy than Benjy-Benjy.”

“We do have some raw, animal tension, Dorky.”

Lily unbuttons her collar scratches at her scalp, that tell-tale itch of de-polyjuicing rising all over her skin.  

Plopping her bare feet into Lily’s lap, Dorcas shoves another handful of popcorn into her mouth.  “I can’t deny that, my dear.  But I have a feeling your affections lie elsewhere.  With a certain dark haired rake?”

“Doesn’t matter one way or another,” Lily groans, “The whole situation is a giant steaming pile of dung where no matter how you slice it Lily Evans doesn’t get any.”

Dorcas’ face softens, sympathetic.  Lily’s best defenses against feelings are generally sarcasm, innuendo, and references to shite.  “It’ll work out somehow, love.”

“Well James was flirting with my personality in Benjy’s body, Benjy’s got his head up his arse, you’re in love with him, Remus just makes knowing faces at me, and the Death Eaters have bloody fire bombs - ” Lily cuts off, voice quieting from it’s steadily ratcheting pitch, “So if you’ve got an answer to how any of that can work out, I’m all ears.”

Shuffling closer, Dorcas tucks her head onto Lily’s shoulder, now dwarfed within the borrowed robes.  “Well there’s no need to be snippy, Miss.”

Lily runs her fingers through Dorcas’ curls.  “I’m sorry, Dorky.”

Dorcas snorts, “For calling me Dorky?  Yeah, you will be.”

“I really am.”

“I know, me too.”

The fire crackles comfortingly, Lily’s toes warmed by the steady glow, and everything cozy and quiet so each thinks the other has drifted off.

Until Lily clears her throat.  “So.  I saw James Potter without a shirt.”

Lily’s plans for a rushed and slightly hungover breakfast the following morning come to a screeching halt when she stumbles into the kitchen and finds Benjy shirtless stirring something at the stove.

“Want some oatmeal Dor - ”

He’s halfway turned to face Lily when he realizes his mistake, cheeks immediately flushing, “Lily!  We - I thought - ”

“You better have berries - Lily!”

Any remaining composure Lily had immediately vanishes at the sight of Dorcas’ tanned skin barely hidden beneath Benjy’s Portree jersey.  And where Benjy’s a whole mess of flushing and stutters, Dorcas simply shrugs, “After our chat last night, I tucked you into bed and then - well.  You just got me thinking, yeah?”

Benjy sets two steaming bowls on the table and returns to the stove, “Ew, please don’t say we shagged because of my sister.”

Lily rolls her eyes, “At least some good is coming from my misery.”

The grin falls from Benjy’s face as he flicks his wand so his bowl and another full of fruit settle on the table.  “Lily, if you want out we don’t have to - ”

“No - I - it’s just,” Lily grips the roots of her hair, then takes a breath and grabs for the brown sugar, “I am fine.  More than, now that you two pulled your heads out of your arses.”

Benjy links his foot around the leg of Dorcas’ chair and tugs her close enough that he can press a kiss to her hairline.  “Yeah, me too.”

Gag-reflex aside, Lily’s really genuinely happy for the two of them.  Two of her all time favorites are happy, together, and safe.  For the time being.

Lily scoops a couple of spoonfuls into her mouth and crunches a slice of toast between her teeth.  “Really though - I need to go slip into something more manly and then slip into something else manly.”

“We both know what you’re talking about, Lily, why are you using terrible codes?”

“My life has few diversions and distinctions,” Lily shouts over her shoulder, “Don’t begrudge me my terrible attempts at humor.”

Soon enough, Lily’s in some muggle sweats and heading off for headquarters, a foot taller and with alternative...baggage.  It’s a relief, not being all stuffed up into the prim robes expected for a wizard of Benjy’s ‘standing.’  

Plus, she’s got a lot of pent up - whatever - and a few hours of sparring should take the edge off.

When she arrives, it’s still barely half past nine and the house is quieter, less full than the previous evening.

Her status within the wizarding world means she’s never been able to enter the workforce in any traditional sense.  She’s done some work from home, had a few muggle jobs, and the finally with the escalation of...everything, decided to go full time with the Underground.  

Which means she’s one of the few Order Members with relatively full time availability.  So her arrival is fairly exciting for her portrait friends, Gert being the most outspoken, as usual.

“Lovely seeing you again, Benjy,” she says from the corner in a low whisper, her gaze darting to a few of her still slumbering companions, “Dear James has been in a tizzy since just past sun up this morning.”

The meaningful glance that accompanied that statement would be much more fun if Lily wasn’t in such a bloody mess with this whole James business.  Still - he’ll probably understand, given time, if she’s ever able to come clean.  It’s not as if there was much choice.  And he doesn’t trust her with all their secrets yet.  Would be a lousy spy if he did.

Given her train of thought, the smile she offers Gert is a bit forced, which only earns her another knowing smile.  Damn portraits with too much time on their hands…

Lily’s saved the trouble of any further response by the bell tolling half past - her proscribed meeting time with James and the others - and excuses herself into the hall.

Before she can venture far, James appears from somewhere toward the front of the house, similarly attired to last night.  Sadly with shirt.  Though it means Lily’s sanity stands a far better chance.

“Ready to get down to business, Benjy?”

“Always, Potter.”

Like last night, there are mats spread throughout the training room, likely a former ballroom given the size and relative posh feeling of the room, and Sirius is lounging in a settee tucked off in the corner.  “My favorites are here at last.”

Lily elbows James, “Does it hurt that I’m a favorite after investing less than a month and you’ve got what, fifteen years?”

“He’s such a dog.”  James snickers, apparently enjoying some joke Lily’s not a party to, but he sobers, “Really, I’m always glad to see we haven’t screwed him up.  Plus he’s a fairly good judge of character.  Unless it’s about roadside carts.”

“That fruit was fine, swanky boy.”

James grimaces, “I threw up for a week.”

“It was purging you of toxins,” Sirius shrugs, “That’s what fruit is for.”

“I’m fairly certain it’s not, Black,” Lily says with a smirk, “Sorry.”

And then James links an arm around Lily’s neck and presses a kiss to her cheek, nearly stopping her heart in the process. “You’re the best, Fenwick.”

If the kiss stopped her heart, ‘Fenwick’ turned it to a brick.

For the first hour, Lily and Sirius volley spells back and forth, criss crossing over the empty space like a pair of dancers while James calls out critiques, tips, and occasional jeers.  Sirius’ energy begins to flag, strokes remaining effective but sloppy and James’ expression has turned less than jovial.

“Sirius, you’re not helping anyone with your half-arsed duelling.”

Rolling his eyes, Sirius fires a few stinging hexes Lily easily blocks and scowls at James, “It’s been over an hour, one of us would be dead by now.”

James’ expression darkens, his jaw clenching as he crosses his arms over his chest, “Don’t bloody say things like that.”

“It’s true - god James, it doesn’t matter what happens in here - you saw what happened to Gideon and Fabian - ”

Sirius never finishes his sentence, letting his arm drop and storming from the room.  The thick wooden door falls shut with a thud so Lily and James are alone in the silent room, morning light spilling in past the glamored window panes.

Lily tucks her wand away and takes a swig from her flask before slipping it back into her pocket.  James is slumped against the windowpane, eyes studying the floorboards when he mutters, “They’re not dead - Gideon and Fabian.  Not yet, that is.  God - at some point I was an optimist.”

After a moment, Lily closes the distance between them, reaching a tentative hand for James’ shoulder.  His gaze darts toward her grip, then toward her face, before he softens further, like the fight’s gone out of him, “Does it really matter if I’m still here if I’m not me?”

She cups his jaw and lifts his eyes to hers, “You’re still you - we might not be the same people.  But after ten years, who can expect to be the same?”

“Getting all philosophical on me Ben?” James asks, his voice barely rising above a whisper.

Lily’s half caught up in the golden light of his eyes beneath the sunbeams that warm her face, enough so that she somehow steps closer.  “You started it, Potter.”

James’ hand rises to her waist, palm warm and broad against her pack, silver rims of his eyeglasses glinting and nose just brushing hers.

It’s all so perfect, so blissful, until Lily tilts her head back and reaches to knit her fingers through James’ hair and realizes the reach is not so far as expected, as far as it should be.  Because she’s not her - they’re not -

Abruptly, she clears her throat and steps away, “I uh- we- so do you have a potions room?”

Stepping back rapidly, James stumbles into the window again and rubs at his neck.  “Yes we - yes.”

When she’s ensconced in her domain, surrounded by bundles of dried plants, jars of various bits of creatures - magical and non - and whatever else a potioneer could dream of.  Because it really is a dream, that is.  A bright spot and a place of respite in the midst of lies and deceit and death and fear that surround on a daily basis.

So that’s how the remainder of the day passes, in a blur of ink stained fingers, hastily scrawled notes across yellowed parchment, and more than a few botched attempts at creating the (for lack of a better term) antidote to their problem.

At some point, James appeared at what she presumes was lunch time and with a platter of sandwiches, a sheepish smile, and a quick disappearance.

As if another messy feature needed to be added to Lily’s life - knowing she’s got some mutual unresolved sexual tension happening with the fittest bloke she’s ever seen and her, in her brother’s body...it would be really nice for something to be off her plate.

Which seems to be a vain hope until she swaps out the powdered erumpent horn for armadillo bile and adds a diced bat spleen, a bit of ground up asphodel, and a dash of powdered lionfish spine.

The potion swirling in the broad cauldron darkens to near blackness, red spots like bits of shimmering ruby run in circuits under the careful twists of Lily’s wand.  There’s a tickling at her scalp and she scratches, ruffling up her carefully coiffed hair, too lost in potioneering until she recalls - itching.

With quick, shaky hands, Lily unscrews her flask and takes a long swig.  “I need a bloody nap.”

A squeak sounds as the dark wooden doors on the dungeon swing open, James entering with a much calmed Sirius in his wake.  “How’s things Benjy?”

Lily rolls her neck, just now realizing the tightness that’s settled in, and leans back in her rickety chair.  “Ready for some testing?”

James tucks his fists into his pockets, “As I’ll ever be, eh?”

Sirius flicks his wand and a blockade of sorts surrounds a test dummy tucked in the farthest corner.  

They duck behind the upended crates and transfigured sandbags before Lily counts to three and tosses the recreation of the incendiary potion with accuracy born of too many hours spent holed up with only Benjy and a quaffle for entertainment.  The dummy immediately goes up in flames, heat filling the room with muggy thickness.

“On the ready, just in case?” Lily asks, grip tight on her hopefully antidote.

As Lily blows out a breath, her companions nod in unison and she sends the second vial arcing through the air.

And somehow, by some miracle, it runs over the canvas dummy and slowly quenches the rising magical flames, leaving behind a slick of sparking black and red liquid like a volcanic eruption.

Sirius grins and claps Lily on the shoulder.  “You’re all right, Benny.”

After Lily carefully records her exact recipe and makes multiple copies to be carefully guarded by trusted Order Members (and keeps one for herself, with James’ quiet approval) she heads back home to soak the tiredness from her bones with a warm bath filled to the brim.

By the time she’s home, swallowed down a hastily prepared sandwich, and gotten her bath to the ideal temperature, she’s fully back in her own body and half ready to fall asleep.

The warm water leeches the pain from her muscles and the heady scent of lavender calms her racing blood until Lily’s dozing against the white porcelain, long red waves cascading over the side like a crimson waterfall.

Continuing the treat of an evening, Lily eventually drags herself from the tub as the temperature cools to tepid and her fingers grow pruny and wraps herself in a thick, wool-lined dressing gown and slippers to match.

Poirot is about to reveal the unexpected culprit when the floo flares and real Benjy stumbles from the flames.  

Immediately snapped back to reality, Lily drops her book and rises, arm banding around Benjy’s waist. “What happened?  Is everyone alright?”

His usually carefully coiffed hair is a mess of blond tendrils falling around his face, drawing attention to the already purpling ring around his eye.  “Guess the safe house wasn’t quite as secure as we hoped.”

“Did - ”

Benjy nods, anticipating her question.  “We all got out, nothing beyond a few cuts and bruises - Mary splinched herself getting a couple kids out but we had that dittany on hand.”

“Oh god, Ben I should’ve been there,” Lily groans, shepherding him toward the couch, “I spent the damn evening soaking in the bath and - ”

“What could you have done that we didn’t?  You can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone - though if anyone could I’d bet on you,” he droops back against the cushions, “The dittany - that was you.  Hell, we knew about the likelihood of new and fiery tactics because of your sleuthing.”

Lily chuckles wetly, settling her emergency kit on the table and unzipping the worn leather.  “Sleuthing?”

“I said what I said.”

He winces when she dabs the salve on his bruising face, though the tension relaxes from his body with every passing tick of the clock.  “I do - I do think that maybe we should.  That maybe it’s time to cut things off with the Order.  If they’ve got a leak, if we’ve got a leak.  It’s doubling the danger and if they realize you’re you and pretending to be a pureblood.”

Benjy doesn’t continue, likely already anticipating Lily’s flat refusal.  Which, isn’t for a lack of self preservation instincts or respect for his judgment.  She just, can’t.  Can’t sit back and wait for someone to tell her they decided she gets to be what she is already, always has been, and can’t really un-be.  

And she knows, after all this time, Benjy is more than aware of her stance on the matter.  But it’s that sad last shred of hopefulness anyone who loves someone understands.  That last ditch effort to try keeping them from harm, even when you’re more than aware that it’s a lost cause.

“You already know my answer, Ben.”

“I do.”

“But I love you for caring.  About me, about people like me, about a world that sometimes doesn’t seem to care much for anyone.”

A tear tracks through the dark smudges over his cheeks and he hauls Lily in against his chest and tucks his nose into her hair.  “Aw, you’re fresh and clean and I’ve gone and got you all nasty.”

“I love you anyway.”

Nodding tiredly, soot falling from his lank hair, Benjy sniffs and hugs her closer.  “Love you too, Little Bit.”

It’s easy when things feel so big to forget the smaller moving parts that build up to the overall state of affairs.  Most are guilty of forgetting at some point or another, and Lily’s no exception.  And funnily enough, it’s Sirius Black that reminds her.  They’re staking out a muggle neighborhood they got word was on the hit list for Death Eater activity, which seems to have been rained out, when Sirius takes a sip from his thermos and readjusts his squat.  “From one black sheep to another,” Sirius begins, “You’ve really got to keep an eye on your public image.”

Lily ruffles her hood up further over her face.  “Come again?”

“You’ve not been seen out and about much lately - that draws more attention than trying to draw attention,” Sirius shrugs, “Take out that bird you brought to that little soiree.  It’ll make James right jealous.”

Flushing, Lily swallows a healthy gulp of polyjuice and licks her lips.  “Not sure why he would be - or why I’d want him to be.”

“Sure.”

“But point taken - Dorcas and me, that’s how we ended up at that party, and at Diagon a couple of weeks earlier.”

“And if it bothers James a bit in the meantime, I get some entertainment.”

The rest of the stake out passes without much interest, rain apparently delaying plans.  Which is a short term positive, but long term, indicates that the Death Eaters really are hinging their plans on incendiary potions, spells, and whatever other hellish devices they’ve managed to cook up.

A slow night does give Lily time to turn over what Sirius said, begin plotting another little date with Dorcas.  Benjy’ll be a pit put out that Lily’s going on a second date with his girlfriend before he’s got a chance to do it once.

She’s planning to send Dorcas an owl when she gets home, but the minute she steps from the fireplace she’s confronted with a lot more of Benjy than she prefers to see - things she’s managed to avoid over the past months with studious attention.

“Oh shite.”

Dorcas yelps and sends herself and Benjy rolling onto the rug, wedged awkwardly between the sofa and the table.  Benjy groans.  “Thought you’d have a debrief and such.”

“Short, nothing much to report.”

Dorcas raises her hand like she’s in a classroom.

“Yes Dorky?” “Can we reconvene this meeting for long enough for me to put on some trousers and there to be one fewer Benjy?”

Lily nods, eyes still covered.  “Sounds good.  I expect fresh biscuits to be waiting.”

The next quarter of an hour or so  is spent de-Benjying herself, taking a scalding shower, and snuggling into an oversized jumper and soft cotton joggers.  She stumbles down the stairs, tugging on wooly socks, and makes her way into the kitchen where her companions are luckily much more clothed than previously.  And bearing chocolate biscuits.

Once they’re all gathered around the table, mugs brimming with tea and fingers full of crumbles, Lily tosses her damp hair and props her foot on the seat of her chair.  “So I had a chat with Sirius Black.”

“Was it about his hair products?  That man has disgustingly gorgeous hair,” Dorcas drawls, “I hate him for it.”

“I’ll see if I can get you some intel,” Lily chuckles around a bite of biscuit, “But no.  We were talking about Benjy - me - and how he needs to be more visible.”

“Ironic we forgot,” Benjy says.

Lily hums.  “So I as you need to steal your - girlfriend?”

“Lover,” Dorcas snorts.

Wincing, Lily tosses a serviette at Benjy’s head when he teases, “Paramour.”

“I was going to apologize, but never mind.”

After much teasing, ribbing, and the like, they manage like they always do and have a semblance of a plan hammered out by the time Lily’s yawns punctuate every sentence.  Benjy orders her off to bed and Lily demands massive amounts of silencing charms as she stomps up to her room.

She’s asleep before her head hits the pillow.

Two days later, their plan is set into motion - another Diagon visit - but with much more obvious displays of affection.  Mostly hand holding and the like.  Even considering any of the bases is too much for all parties involved.

Lily and Dorcas are just stepping out from Flourish and Blotts and into the sunny afternoon when they get a face full of broad man chest.

Catching Dorcas around the waist, Lily manages to keep them both upright while a strong hand grips her elbow.

“Ben!”

Lily blinks against the sun’s rays and finds herself face to face with none other than James Potter.  She was going to bloody murder Sirius Black.

“James!  This is my - this is Dorcas.”

Ever polite, Dorcas offers her hand and makes easy small talk.  But James’ answers remain short and perfunctory.

Until he shakes his head and squints at Lily.  “Why are you here?”

Lily glances down at the bags in her hands and blinks at James.  “I’d say it seems fairly obvious.  Why are you here?”

“Errands.”

Her eyes narrow and Dorcas seems obnoxiously content to watch this trainwreck unfold.

James’ lips quirk into a grin as he lets his gaze travel up and down Lily’s - Benjy’s - body in two quick circuits.  “You clean up alright, Fenwick.”

“Wish I could say the same for you.”

“Well that’s just rotten.  See if I save you a seat next bingo night.”

Dorcas’ eyes follow the conversation like a tennis match and Lily feels her face heat.  She coughs.  “So, you’ll ah - let me know when the next game is?”

James glances at Dorcas and his face shutters.  “Sure thing.  You’ve probably got plans - should let you go.”

Before he can get away, Lily grabs James’ arm and frowns.  “Is everything alright?  You’re not one for outings.”

He scowls back and murmurs.  “Order business.”

“Dorcas and I - we’re about finished.  I could help.”

“Nah, it’s all under control.”

“That’s barely an answer, Potter.”

James bites his lip.  “If we really do have a leak - ” he trails off.

“It’s not me - hells James I’m not the bloody enemy.”

“I know.  But you’re new and they know that - they’ll see you as a potential weakness to exploit.”

“So I’m just a damn liability?  Nothing I’ve done matters, just that I’m not part of your little asinine club.  You know I’m getting tired of wizards and witches edging people out because they’ve not got the right background.”

James’ face darkens.  “That’s not the same thing and you bloody well know it.”

Dorcas grabs Lily’s sleeve, “Ben - we’ve drawn some attention,” Lily glances around to see Dorcas’ warning is far from an exaggeration.

Smoothing down her robes, Lily nods to James before disappearing into the crowd.

It takes three days for Lily’s anger to cool to a low inferno, though any mention of secrets, leaks, James Potter, or anything that even remotely related to or rhymes with any of those things and Lily’s fists clench with repressed rage.  She’s pacing at the foot of her bed when Benjy knocks at her door.  “I guess you could do worse things than pace a hole in the floor while wearing my face.”

“I hadn’t thought of that - I could murder James and frame you.”

Chuckling, Benjy saunters over to her bed and settles on the mattress with a creak.  “You know.”

“Don’t make excuses for him.”

Benjy watches Lily resume her circuits, “I’m not making excuses.  Maybe try and put yourself in his position though, eh?”

Grunting, Lily storms from the room and tramps downstairs, before she’s late.

Glumly, Lily sits through the general meeting, holding her tongue and scaring off anyone who tries to claim a seat next to her.  Until Remus Lupin lopes over and meets her glare with a quirked brow.  “So James has been in just as foul a mood the last few days.”

“I’m not.”

“You nearly made Pete cry.”

“So where is he, then?”

“Pete?  Drowning his sorrows in half a rhubarb pie.”

Lily snorts, face wrinkling into the first semblance of a smile since she arrived.  “I meant Potter.”

“He left this morning, top secret something or other - ”

Before Remus can continue, a clatter arises in the drawing room and someone shouts for a healer.

Without hesitating, Lily rises.  “I’ve unofficially trained in healing since I was thirteen.”

Remus nods, “Makes sense, given your affinity for potioneering.”

Humming, Lily’s mind is already half on whatever she’ll face in the drawing room turned hospital wing, dreading the very likely reality that the Death Eaters have already debuted their fire weapons.

She’s shocked back to reality by a riot of black hair and Remus’ pained gasp.  “James.”

Even from a distance, Lily can see where the flames licked up James’  hands, arms, even up to his jaw.  In three strides, Lily’s at James’ bedside, barking orders and shooing away anyone who gets in her way.  “Remus, please, tell them.”

“Benjy’s been studying these potions and spells since the raid - he’s James’ best shot.”

Lily’s operating entirely on instinct, Remus operating as her assistant of sorts, grabbing or summoning whatever she asks for as she spreads salves, tinctures, and spells over James’ burns.

Once the initial excitement has worn off, their audience disappears and Remus goes to get a debrief from the rest of James’ team.  Lily’s worked about halfway up his right arm when James wakes with a pained groan.  “Where’s - ”

A strand of hair falls into Lily’s eyes and she blows it away absently, brushing her fingertips along James’ unmarred skin in a show of comfort.  “Everyone’s alright - you’re the only injury,” she snorts, “I’d bet on showy heroics for that explanation.”

James blinks tiredly, breaths calming before his eyes widen.  “Who’re you?”

“I - ” Lily glances down at her hands and her stomach drops.  In a feat of quick thinking, Lily sends a mild stunner James’ way and takes a swig from her flask.  

Once the telltale tingle runs through her, Lily rouses James and grins, “Having a nice dream there?”

James furrows his brow, wincing when his raw skin pulls with the motion.  “You- I- can’t really remember much.  Just a woman.  Shite she was gorgeous.”

Lily darts her eyes away while James shifts uncomfortably and his cheeks turn rosy.  “I mean.  Thanks for.  I know we aren’t on the best of terms.”

“Water under the bridge,” Lily says easily, tugging her robes back over her shoulders against the late night chill, “I’ve done what I can for now, you’ll have to take it easy for a few days.  Which will be a greater feat than the Order potluck surviving Peter.”

That earns Lily a chuckle, quickly followed by James’ wince as he re-settles against the scratchy bedsheets.  “So now I owe you an apology and a life debt.”

The room is silent around them, save the crackle of the fireplace and Lily’s movements as she closes up the jars she’s used to treat James.  “We can hardly hold each other to life debts, James,” Lily says softly, “Though I will accept the apology.  If I can add one of my own,” Lily fiddles with her sleeve, “I’m still supremely unhappy, but I do understand your position,” James grins and Lily answers with a smile of her own, “It’s the wrong position, but understandable.”

Slowly, James reaches for Lily’s hand, “Thank you.”

“I just patched you up.”

“No, I mean.  Without your sleuthing, we’d have died.  All of us out there tonight.”

Weary with subterfuge and tiredness, Lily allows herself one indulgence, fingers brushing through James’ singed hair, thumb lingering at his temple, eyes drifting shut so she can pretend, just for this moment, that her life isn’t an utter fiasco.

Lily’s laid up with a head cold, which means Benjy ordered her not to leave the house, so she’s holed away in the family library with a favorite book just to pass the time.  She’s dozing against the back of her chair when she’s jolted awake by a clatter.  Sighing, Lily marks her place and sets the book aside, shuffling into the hallway.  Sometimes living with Benjy is like having an elephant for a roommate.  “Alright, Ben?”

After finishing setting the umbrella stand upright, Benjy straightens and grins sheepishly.  “I - uh.  Who really is alright, what does that mean, in the grand scheme?”

“See, that’s just lazy.  You want to tell me whatever happened but you’re too chicken to just blurt it like a normal person.  So you make a mess and then force me to drag it out of you,” LIly sniffs, “It’s rude.  Especially when I’m so ill.”

“Don’t whine, it’s unbecoming.”

“Stuff it and spill.”

Benjy tosses his cloak onto a hook and leads the way into the sitting room.  He takes a seat, rubbing at his knees nervously before he rises and leans against the mantle.  “How about some tea - would you like some tea?  Honey would help - ”

“Can’t be all that bad, Ben.”

“How bad would it be if, hypothetically, I ran into Potter?” Lily blinks and Benjy continues, “And he saw me?” Lily takes a deep breath, so Benjy plows ahead, “And we had a chat - it really wasn’t so terrible.”

“So you’re clearly an unreliable narrator - did anyone else witness this?  I need to know what my damage control plan should look like.  Where’s Dorky?”

As if on cue, the floo flares and Dorcas emerges looking cozy and warm in an oversized jumper she nicked from Benjy.  “So crazy over there made a right mess for you, Lils.”

Groaning, Lily droops on the couch and throws an arm over her face.  “I’m too sick for this.”

“That’s it!” Dorcas shouts.  

Or perhaps says at a relatively normal volume, but Lily’s got a head cold so...

“You just stick with the truth.”

Benjy frowns.  “‘Sorry, James.  I’ve been polyjuicing myself to be my brother and yesterday you actually met him instead of me.’  That’ll go over great Dorcas.”

Dorcas tosses a cushion at his head with minimal success and focuses on Lily.  “By ‘truth’, I meant tell him you were sick when you saw him and that’s why you behaved like someone who had never interacted with humans before.”

Snickering, Lily props her feet on Dorcas’ lap and feels the tension in her shoulders relax.  “You’re brilliant Dorky.  I’ll never know why you’re with my lunk of a brother.”

“My animal magnetism,” Benjy calls over his shoulder as he disappears into the hall, likely in search of libations.  

Dorcas smirks, “More like his - ”

“Do not finish that sentence.  I’ve not sicked up for at least two hours and I’d like to keep it so.”

It’s just luck that James shows up at the house when Benjy’s out running strangely banal errands for the afternoon and furthermore that Dorcas is there to receive him.

She makes enough noise, practically shouting ‘Hello Mr. James Potter, in Fenwick Manor for the first time’ that Lily is able to apparate up to her room, take a sip from her emergency polyjuice, and scrabble on some wrinkled sweats she swiped from Benjy ages ago.

Lovely, amazing, wonderful woman that she is, Dorcas has plied James with tea and damn sandwiches.  It’s no mystery why Benjy fell in love - and if Lily wasn’t disgustingly and complicatedly infatuated with James Potter she’d probably throw her metaphorical hat in the ring.  

And she’d win too.

Shaking out her shoulders, Lily strides into the library with a welcoming smile.  “Potter.  Nice to see you again,” Dorcas clears her throat and Lily adds, “So soon.  Everything okay?”

James nods, “I was just telling Ms. Meadows - ”

“Dorcas is fine.”

“ - Dorcas that you seemed a bit off in Diagon and I wanted to be sure it wasn’t a cry for help.”

Lily pours herself some tea and parks herself on the edge of the settee.  “Nah, I’m a bit under the weather, Dorcas ordered me off to bed just after we arrived home.”

At that, James’ gaze darts between them and Lily’s already got a clarification on her tongue.  Until she realizes that would be a lie.  She’s Benjy, Benjy is with Dorcas, really isn’t available.

So she fiddles with her cup in her saucer until Dorcas takes pity and changes the subject.

It’s not long before James rises, excusing himself with some vague explanation.  Dorcas makes herself scarce and Lily escorts James toward the floo.  “Is everything alright with you?”

James startles at her hand on his arm and looks as though he hasn’t followed her train of thought.  He blinks twice and seems to catch up, turning to face her.  “Oh - er.  Yeah.  Sorry to barge in here like an angry murtlap.”

Smiling softly, Lily pats his shoulder and tries quite hard not to let her touch linger too horribly long.  But she’s feverish and woozy so it’s anyone’s guess.  “You’re fine, James.  Didn’t mean to worry you.”

James flounders a bit before grasping Lily’s hand in both of his, thumb rubbing across the back of her hand.  “S’alright.  Just,” he squeezes and releases his grip, “Feel better, yeah?”

“And you uh - ,” Lily runs her fingers through her hair, finally not caught off guard when the strands end an arm’s length too soon, “You stay safe.  I’ll not be around to take care of you if you get yourself beat up tonight.”

“Later, then, Ben?”

“Later.”

It would be nice, Lily thinks, if life scheduled itself in a more kind and convenient manner.  After sleepless nights, week-long illnesses, post-exercise soreness, what have you, the world would just be a little more easy going.  Wade you back into existing.

Instead it seems like the universe is intent on making Lily want to absolutely hurl with tiredness, post-fever malaise, and overall discomfort by allowing the larged Death Eater activity in the last year and a half occur while she’s not even washed the stink of her cold off.

She’s sudsing up in the shower not a handful of minutes after Remus’ patronus arrived when the loo door slams open.  “Lily you can’t possibly intend to go out in this.”

“If I stayed in every time it rained I’d never leave the house, Ben.  We live in England,” Lily calls out, swiping shampoo bubbles from her eyes.

“Don’t be cute.”

Ripping back the curtain so she can peer out, Lily grins.  “Aw, Benny, you think I’m cute?”

“It’s too dangerous.”

From within the now turned off shower, Lily summons her towel from the rack and dries herself off hastily before grabbing her dressing gown and slipping it over her still damp shoulders.  “Ben,” Lily starts, throwing back the curtain and stepping onto the plush mat, “Everything’s dangerous.  Just by virtue of my existence - who I am - I’m constantly in danger.  I don’t want to feel that way anymore.  I want to have kids someday who can go to Hogwarts when they’re supposed to.  Not fifteen years later, under spell damage, and confined to the Hospital Wing.”

Benjy’s expression softens and he reaches for her shoulder.  Sighing, Lily gives him a short embrace and pulls away.  “I’m not saying all that to be a martyr.  I just - this is so much more personal when you’re someone like me.  You’re fighting to make your world a better place.  I’m fighting to be a part of it.”

Swiping under his eyes, Benjy nods and makes to leave.  Lily squeezes his arm.  “Be safe Ben.”

Less than a half hour after Remus’ message, Lily’s greeted Gert and followed the sound of heavy footfalls and shouted instructions, ending up in the training room turned command center.

Voices bounce off the walls as small groups of wizards and witches gather in small klatches, others mill about nervously, seeming - for the first time since Lily’s been a pseudo member of the Order - like a rudderless boat set adrift.

And if it seemed like something was missing, or perhaps someone the answer to Lily’s unasked question is answered when a dramatic flare from the oversized stone fireplace gives way to reveal a tall wizard in the place of flames.

Distracted as she was, Lily didn’t notice James’ arrival at her side until he murmurs in her ear.  “Dumbledore’s never been one for low key entrances.”

Lily’s about to question him further on the subject, when she recalls Benjy would be well aware of the Headmaster’s habits and propensities.  So she nods and does her best impression of one of Benjy’s commiserating grins, though it would be a lie to say there wasn’t a bit of flirty Lily slipped in there.

It’s with mixed emotions that Lily notes the interest that flashes in James’ eyes.  Though it does pass quickly as their attention is called back to the front of the room.

Dumbledore’s every bit as odd and brilliant as Benjy’s said, his long silvery beard tucked into a broad belt that wraps around the blue and purple brocade robes.  His half moon glasses glint in the firelight as he listens to a few hurried reports.  It’s only a few moments before he’s addressing the whole group, kindness in his eyes as he greets them all - though his lingering gaze on Lily unsettles her a bit, like he’s working out a puzzle.  

Which would be odd, even under the most normal of circumstances, but given the fact that there is a bit of a puzzle to put together, Lily’s ill at ease.

She doesn’t have much time to dwell on it, and thankfully neither does Dumbledore, as he quickly moves on to bigger issues that pertain to the group at large.  And in the grand scheme, it seems whatever questions he has for a Benjy Fenwick that doesn’t seem all that comfortable in his own skin, Dumbledore deems it a discussion for later.  

The tip was apparently dire enough for this ‘all hands on deck’ meeting and to require the large majority to be sent out into the field.  

Gravely, Dumbledore wishes them all luck and Remus takes over at the front, grouping them all into teams and James sends her a grim smile.  “Ready to go, partner?”

In hardly any time at all, they’re sent off to the trio of locations where sources tipped the Order off to heavy Death Eater activity.  It’s been traced to a water treatment center outside of Sheffield, a series of caves not unlike their original raid point, and a power plant in bloody Cokeworth.

So of course, Lily’s life is a series of terribly unpredictable and yet totally predictable coincidences, and she and James are among those assigned to the latter.

They’re broken into groups of three and four as Emma Vance passes off portkeys with instructions regarding Muggle interactions and what’s to be done with any gathered evidence - or prisoners.

That jittery feeling that precedes exams, public speaking, and even more so, a raid where armed and deadly witches and wizards are ready to wipe out everyone and anyone that stands in the way.

It’s muddy and smells of that odd mix of fresh grass and coal that’s so characteristic of Cokeworth Lily feels as if she’s transported back in time rather than across England.  There’s a lull before things get started, that uncomfortable waiting period where you half hate yourself for wishing things would just get started.  

James gestures toward a hill - one of the few with more than just saplings in the area surrounding the plant - and says, “Shall we head up there?  It’s a good enough vantage point.”

Nodding, Lily follows, gaze carefully avoiding the view just a bit to the east where she knows she’ll see that quiet little neighborhood, the neat rows of small but well loved houses, that one in particular…

“Not the best way to get back into the swing after a bout of the flu, eh?”

Lily laughs.  “Is there ever a good way to get back into the swing of this shite?”

“S’pose not.”

It’s a boring haze after that, counting the minutes between doses of polyjuice essentially Lily’s only excitement.  Aside from James’ witty chatter that Lily enjoys way too much.

He’s about to close a whispered tale involving Sirius, a flying motorbike, and muggle police that Lily’s about eighty-nine percent sure is actually true when sparks go up from one of the groups a little closer and they immediately tense.

“Ready Ben?”

“After you, James.”

And as easily as Lily thought it was too quiet, the entire world seems to go to chaos.  

An explosion rocks the northwest corner of the powerplant, sending up a ball of flame into the night sky.  Luckily appearing to be non-magical.  Though it certainly won’t remain so for long.

Lily brushes her fingers over her coat, rough leather familiar under her palms as she reassures herself that each vial, powder, and potion is still in place.

Like a well-oiled machine, James and Lily dive into the fray, following the sound of spellfire through dark, dank corridors and into a large metallic room.  Shouts and clashes echo off the walls, kicking up dust and gouging out crevasses in the cement floor.

The death dance unfolds, masked Death Eaters sending slashes of green at every turn while their partners work, presumably setting the charges for their firebombs.

A spell slashes across Lily’s cheek, a second quickly following and sending a searing pain to her ribs as she stumbles backward.

James is locked in a heated duel with a witch, her wild curls seeming to crackle with energy, so he misses the hits Lily takes, falls behind one of the broad machines.  

Her attacker follows, his spindly fingers wrapped around his wand with comfortable ease that speak of training not just in magic, but dark and twisted torture and pain.  His lank hair is dark, shining in the orangey light that illuminates the plant.

Disadvantaged though she is, Lily fires off three spells in rapid succession in the hopes that her opponent will at least be delayed long enough that she can regain her footing.

She never gets to learn whether her plan would’ve worked as another joins their battle, sending the Death Eater sprawling and offering Lily a hand up.

“Thank - bloody hell.”

Benjy grimaces.  “What are the odds?”

“About the same that we got called to Cokeworth,” Lily says with a smirk, before her expression turns serious, “How - I can’t leave they’ll think something happened to me, to you.”

“And I - ”

Spellfire continues in flashes and crashes while Lily tries to ensure no one has noticed Benjy suddenly has a twin by casting a few haphazard wards around them.  

Before the last phrase leaves her lips, a figure stumbles around the pipes and blinks at her, then glances at Benjy, eyes going wide.

“Why the bloody buggering hell are there two of you?”

And somehow, in all Lily’s nightmares, all her daydreams about revealing herself and riding into the sunset with James, she never really thought about how that revelation would happen.  But whatever scenario she might’ve cooked up, it definitely didn’t look anything like this total trainwreck staged in Lily’s hometown.

Lily’s jaw works as she searches for something, anything to say that might make this okay, when Benjy sends her a sympathetic grimace and dives back out into the fray.  It’s a strange turn of events that somehow battling blood thirsty dark wizards feels like the less painful choice.

But there really isn’t one, a choice that is, not when James’ stare pins her in place and the wards she’d erected finally settle into place like a barely shimmering bubble around them.

“James - I - ”

An angry flush rises on James’ neck and he takes a step closer, “I can’t - you - why would someone pretend to be Benjy?”

A spell lands against Lily’s ward, the dull thud shuddering through the pearlescent surface as tiny fissures appear.  Lily glances at them nervously but James barely spares them a passing glance.  “He knew - he recognized you.”

Lily quirks a brow.  “Well obviously he recognizes his own face.”

James narrows his eyes.  “You bloody well know what I mean Ben - who are you?”

The tiny cracks spread, glowing gold and dangerous, mere moments from splitting their temporary haven into shards and Lily growls, “James, can we please do this later?”

“No,” James grunts, sending a rather impressive and effective stunner at their attacker, “Not until you explain why you’ve been lying.”

“Right now?”

With the speed of a man who’s spent most of his life either training for quidditch or battle, James sizes up their surroundings, eyes lighting on a closed door to god knows where, and grabs Lily’s arm.

Before she knows it, he’s thrown up every locking and shield charm she’s ever heard of, and a few she hasn’t, and then his full attention pins her.  “Talk.”

“James, people could be dying.”

“And you could be a Death Eater.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Lily kicks at a crate in the corner and drops down onto it.  “About twenty years ago, the Fenwicks found a little orphaned muggleborn waiting to be processed at the Ministry and greased the proverbial wheels of bureaucracy with some cash.”

James’ mouth ticks into an almost smile.  “As the wealthy are wont to do.”

“So this scrawny red-haired nobody is all alone in the world and suddenly she’s part of the legendary Fenwick dynasty - but no one can know.”

“Which is why you weren’t at Hogwarts,” James supplies, pausing his circuit of the small room.

“Part of the pay off at the Ministry was to keep awareness of my survival to a minimum,” Lily adds, fiddling with the burnished buttons on her coat.

“So this whole charade - ”

James’ sentence is cut off by an explosion that rocks the room and nearly sends them both sprawling.  

Instantly, their eyes find each other and Lily knows she’s got to say something that gets them out of here before she ends up locked in a broom closet while the world goes to hell.  “I - I thought it was justified.  Ben was drawing attention because he wasn’t drawing attention and the underground was on the verge of being compromised - ”

His mouth twists, brow furrowed thoughtfully while some inner battle rages.  Clearly, her shortened tale hasn’t fully convinced James - not that she can blame him too much.

But he’s not totally against her, considering he continues his mini interrogation, “So why not send Benjy out into the world?

“I didn’t want to take him away from the underground.”

James’ brow rises.  

Not entirely convinced herself, Lily continues, “And I was tired of being hidden away - it gets old.  I know I am lucky to have been kept safe but.”

For a minute, James stares at her, expression unreadable.  “I’m curious about the logistics of,” he gestures vaguely, “all this, but I’ll buy into it for the time being.”

It’s the stiff, closed off set of James’ jaw that has Lily’s heart plummeting, her mind for the first time off the battle a door away.  “I’m sorry.  James, you weren’t - this wasn’t to plan.”

He ruffles his hair, head ducked as he murmurs, “I’m sorry too.”

And then without so much as a backward glance, the wards drop and James dives back into the thick of things with Lily at his side.  There’s some comfort in that, the fact that he doesn’t totally shunt her to the side.  That whatever is between them, or is no longer between them, he must not hate her entirely.  

Besides, it’s for the best that he isn’t going out of his way to avoid her since he’s completely off his game, for every spell he dodges, two half hit their mark.  And each third that he fires goes astray.  Which is why Lily’s nerves are thrumming like they never have and she’s poised to dive in front of him when a dark, fiery hex dashes across the room and seems intent on finding its mark on James’ chest.  

Desperate and short on time, Lily barely thinks before diving in front of him.  Wild, untamable flames lick past the edges of her dragon skin coat and dance over her skin.  She sees James’ expression shift from shock to fear to rage just as glass breaks behind her and the impact sends her flying.  Just before everything goes black, James’ panicked face appears above her own, smoke and ash heavy in the air as he gasps out, “It’s you.’

The sun’s a pale yellow glow breaking over the horizon when Lily wakes in a strange room.  Ancient stone walls are split by broad windows that look over a lush green landscape, rolling hills slowly warming with the first brush of morning.

There’s a dull ache at the back of Lily’s head, a persistent itching that covers most of her exposed skin, but less burning than one would expect after being practically charbroiled alive.  Or at least she assumes that’s what happened - the explosion made a lot of things pretty unclear.  And while she’s sure that snog by a moonlit pond with James Potter, unlimited whipped cream, and a cozy little blanket nest wasn’t real other things are a little more difficult to discern.

Groaning, she fights to lift her eyes open to more than just slits and finds Benjy slumped in an uncomfortable looking chair at her bedside, dead to the world in sleep like only a Fenwick can achieve.

A quick glance at her bedside table reveals little in the way of projectile weapons, so Lily settles for a quick jab to Benjy’s knee with her bare toes - probably the only place on her body that isn’t unbelievably stiff.

With a jolt, Benjy wakes, righting himself in his chair and pushing his rumpled hair away from his face.  “Shite, Lily.”

Her grin turns to a grimace as her split lip reopens, but Lily still manages to grind out a dry answer, “I guess we won?”

Benjy huffs out a laugh, “As much as anyone can win, yeah.  We destroyed their supply and got the traffickers.  And the muggleborns.”

Lily waves Benjy away as she lifts herself into a sitting position with somewhat of a struggle.  “Well good, because the Order’s not going to work with me anymore.”

Leaning forward, Benjy swipes a roll from what Lily assumes is her breakfast and bites into it messily.  “Actually, some bloke called Mad Eye was pretty keen on keeping ‘that sneaky little potions mistress’ around…”

Arms heavy with overexertion, Lily manages to lift the cup from her bedside table and crunches on the ice chips inside as frigid water slips down her raw throat.  “I’ll do whatever I can - but.  From the outside - James is more important, what he does, what he is.  He won’t want me around.”

Broad doors on the far end of the wing fall open and closed while a cloaked figure enters and drawls, “What exactly makes you think I don’t want you around?”

Abruptly, Lily sits up, dizzy enough that she nearly tips over the bedside.  Benjy jumps to prop her up, grip on her arms gentle but firm as he helps her settle against the re-fluffed pillows, before awkwardly excusing himself.

Her new visitor lingers a few paces away while Benjy presses a kiss to LIly’s forehead and disappears through those same large doors.  

It’s quiet, save for the ticking of an antique-looking clock that clicks steadily like a mechanical heartbeat, until Lily clears her throat.  “So.  Where am I exactly?”

The stranger steps forward, face still shadowed - though Lily has little doubt who’s beneath the hood.  His voice is scratchy, tired, but so familiar it awakens an ache in her chest.  “Hogwarts - Hospital Wing.”

Lily hums.  “Well at least I finally get to see some of it.”

Nimble fingers rising to grip at the edges of his hood, the visitor lets it pool around his neck and steps closer.  “We can do a tour before you leave.  I’m a bit of an expert.”

“Potter.  James - Don’t you hate me?”

His lips twist in the grin that sends her pulse thrumming.  “No.  It’s like a wise man - woman I suppose - once said, I don’t like it, but I understand why you did what you did.”

Lily nods, biting her lip.  “This is going to sound so shallow, and it’s really not the best time.  But I don’t even know what time we have anymore.  We’re hardly in a world where any kind of certainty is possible - ”

James clears his throat and Lily takes a deep breath.  “Right.  Sorry, I think I got a good knock to the head.  My question - I - do you like girls?”

Flushing, James ruffles his hair and fills the seat Benjy abandoned.  “I uh - yes.  One in particular.  She really messed with my brain though.  I thought she was her brother and had a whole reevaluation of my sexuality,” he laughs to himself, “And I also don’t know her name.”

It’s only the memory of the split in her lip that keeps Lily from grinning ear to ear.  “I’m Lily Evans.  Fenwick is fine too, I suppose.”

“Well Lily Evans-maybe-Fenwick, I definitely had a thing for false Benjy - didn’t know I could be into Benjy - it wasn’t really him, but still.  It’s a bit of a mess, generally.  But no, not going to make a play for Benjy.”

“Well that’s good because Dorcas would fillet you.”

They fall silent, catching each other’s gazes accidentally as every revelation from the last twenty-four hours, from the last ten minutes, settles in the air around them.  

After a time, Lily murmurs, “In case it wasn’t clear, I uh, like you as me...that wasn’t fake.”

“You stopped the kiss,” James cuts in abruptly.

“Because I was Benjy.”

“Well I thought I was doing it wrong, or that I had. I dunno. Misread?”  

Lily licks her lips.  “Too soon to ask for a second go?

James’ smirk is torturously teasing, his voice low and warm as it rumbles through his chest.  “We’ve not even been on a first date.”

“What about that lovely evening spent on the seaside?”

“Where you were your brother and we were staking out a Death Eater hideout?”

“Moonlit stroll.”

“Order raid.”

The shrug is habit, but Lily instantly regrets the pull on her still tender skin.  She powers through and fires back, “Bonding over mutual interest - isn’t that a big date thing?”

James pauses, “I do love a good night of ‘fighting the man.’  Particularly the tyrannical, hegemonic man.”

Lily’s brows rise, leaning forward to brush her fingers along his hand where it rests on the mattress.  “Using big words to woo me?”

He leans in closer, voice low, “Maybe.”

“Are you going to kiss me or not?” Lily asks breathily.

Sirius’ stage whisper echoes through the room, “I can’t believe this is working.”

Dorcas’ hiss to be quiet cuts him off.

With a laugh, James lets his head drop to Lily’s shoulder and her fingers knit through his hair as he mumbles, “Should I still try?”

“Are we ever going to get a better shot?” Lily chuckles.

James sits back and smiles, “Probably not.”

“Well then, lay one on me Potter.”

“Alright, Evans.”

[ao3feed-jily]

Honor

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3kQWZD8

by PetalsToFish

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

Jily mulan AU

-originally published in 2016-

Words: 7908, Chapters: 3/10, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of Disney Jily

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Lily Evans Potter, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black

Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Mulan (1998) Fusion, Magic, Adventure, Fluff, Humor, Fun, Romance, Young Love

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3kQWZD8

[blitheringmcgonagall]

@petals-to-fish @frustratedpoetwrites @elemtee you put everything so perfectly!! I love everyone’s writing : yours, @bcdaily and @ghostofbambifanfiction and lots of other people’s, absolutely... the advice not to compare yourself to others is brilliant and very wise. Encouraging and supporting other people is such a wonderful way to feel part of this fandom and I love it. I agree that taking the time to read and encourage new writers is definitely worthwhile and fun, I mean I’m constantly finding brilliant new Jily and Wolfstar fics! 😍😍😍!!! And delighted when someone reads my stuff!

@petals-to-fish who is writing the Mulan au????? Very exciting 😉❤️❤️❤️!!!!!!

There seems to be a very big gap between the big jily writers like yourself and the majority of the writers in the fandom. Do you like the divide? Do you think it helps people find the better writing? Do you wish more quality writers were recognised.

I don’t really think about it that much? I’ve been writing and posting Jily fic, on and off, for close to fifteen years and the fandom has always looked different at different times. My approach is to write my fic, post my fic and interact with the people who are kind enough to read it and wish to speak to me.

From my perspective there seems to be a lot of very popular writers out there who communicate with each other with great regularity, but as I generally don’t read fic I have no real idea if there are quality writers out there being overlooked. The only writers I have read in the past few years are Bee and Kristina and that’s because a) I was a big fan of their stuff over a decade ago and have therefore taken that enthusiasm with me through the years, and b) they are both very close friends of mine. It’s not really the most interesting answer that I can give, I know, and you’re probably disappointed, but of course I would like to see writers getting the praise they deserve. Praise encourages people to keep going, and sticking at it is the best way to improve.

[gryffindormischief]

jily mulan AU teaser :)

A/N: I just wrote a bit more on this one and I wanted to share a little for fun and also accountability xD.

Dorcas hums thoughtfully, swiping an hors d'oeuvre from a passing waiter and crunches into the little mini crunchy something-or-other.  “I always got a good feeling from him – bit of a prat, but who isn’t at thirteen?”

“Me.”

“Eh, special case,” Dorcas says lightly, “They always had a head for pranks but the four of them tended to be on the right side when it counted.”

“So – “

Dorcas rolls her eyes but tucks her arm through Lily’s, pulling her through the pressing crowd to keep up the pretense of ‘carefree partygoers’.  “Haven’t seen him yet – but it’s rare to see one without the other.”

“Sounds a bit,” Lily hesitates, “Codependent.”

A throat clears behind them and Lily’s heart jumps in her throat, though she keeps her demeanor cool and calm.  Though her pulse thrums when she turns and finds herself faced with six-foot-something worth of lanky beauty, with a rakish grin and clumsily adorable spectacles to boot.  He blinks, head tilting sideways as if he’s examining her.  “We prefer endearingly brother-like connection.”

Somehow, she does manage to will the blush from her cheeks and puts on that signature Benjy Fenwick swagger, but it’s her teasing drawl that spills from her lips.  “I’m sure you do.”

[gryffindormischief]

Jily Mulan AU Preview

@beks21 tagged me and I’m going to take this as a cosmic nudge that I should prob not abandon this fic hehehe.  I’ve floated a few possible conclusions for this fic toward @scaredofrobots already and I promise I will not do any of them, you’re welcome.

They make a more dramatic entrance than Lily would normally, but they are trying for noticeable so fashionably late and booming laughter it is, Dorcas draped over her arm in a respectable nevertheless flirtatious manner.  Lily leans close and murmurs in her ear, “We seem to have the floor, proverbially speaking.”

“Fuchsia has always been my color,” Dorcas whispers back as she sends a flirtatious smile to a nearby wizard.  He spills his drink and Lily has to bite back her smile.  “Apparently so.”

Pressing a kiss to her freshly shaven cheek, Dorcas winks.  “Stick with me and we’ll be talk of the party.”

A promise Dorcas more than makes good on. They glide through the dance floor effortlessly – Lily’s been learning to dance as a man, but she always fought the instinct to lead so it’s not too challenging – until Dorcas declares it time for a drink and makes her way off to ‘powder her nose.’

Lily’s made her way toward one of the many open bars and claimed a place on line when the spicy scent of expensive cologne wafts over her shoulder and making her eyes water a bit.  She’s debating whether she can hold her breath long enough to tolerate the smell until she gets one of the many necessary she will have this evening when her new companion comes even with her.  “Evening, Mr. Fenwick.”

Idk who has WIPs at the moment?? @julxr4, @v-nnika, @diva-gonzo, @a-collection-of-nonsense, @chierafied

[startanewdream]

Tbh i have never been that interested in multichap jily aus but theres just something about your mulan and lion king jily fic thats probably going to make me read more of them from now on. Maybe i only like them if they’re in a disney au hm 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Hi! 💖

Oooh, I'm so glad it inspired you! We all have our prejudices in fanfic (I can't read Text AU for some reason), but there is a whole world of stories to be found!

@jilyarchive has a whole tag of Disney AU and if you want my fave Jily Royalty AU, here is Deception and Disguise by @maraudersftw (or one of the two major inspirations I got for writing Springs).

[startanewdream]

As promised, Part 3 is now posted on AO3!

_______

‘You saved my life’, whispers James, watching her longingly, but he doesn’t move, and Lily knows why. He was the one to take the leap of faith two nights ago and he is taking another now, but she needs to take one too to reach him in the middle ground.

Two nights ago Lily hesitated. But now the fear of losing him is still too close on the surface, so it’s easy not to worry, it’s easy to just dive into her feelings and move her head closer to him in search of his lips.

Captain Potter

Summary: Lily Evans has a secret that the army cannot know and it doesn't help that her captain is trying to be her friend.

Note: So I was watching Mulan and it's Shirtless JP May and this got me into googling shirtless army man, so please enjoy this piece of very much self-indulgence set in another AU. Also, I have no knowledge of military ranks, so bear with me.

Read on AO3 or below:

‘Evans’, the captain calls, and Lily turns to him, slightly afraid as she always feels when she hears her name. Maybe this is the day her secret will be found, this is the day she will be expelled and will fall in disgrace —

But Captain Potter has one of his carefree trademark grins, none at all looking as if he is about to arrest her. He looks at ease, leaning against one of the training posts, arms crossed lazily, watching her with interest shining in his hazel eyes as if she is a puzzle he will understand someday.

Lily truly wishes he won't, so she avoids looking at him directly in the eyes.

‘Captain’, she answers at least, saluting. That seems to amuse him.

‘I have a name, you know’.

‘Hum’, she stops, unsure. Her interactions with the captain have been restricted — well, her interactions with everyone have been limited —, but she has watched him from afar.

He is young and yet he never tries to act bossy with all the other soldiers, never tries to impose himself. He may have a more affinity with three of the soldiers (his friends for a long time, as she gathered), but he tries to treat everyone fairly, encouraging and teaching all soldiers equally, from the weakest of them to the strongest, and it’s not hard for her to see why everyone is willing to follow him into battle. The only one that he hadn’t been able to reach some sort of relationship was with her.

Something that had fit Lily’s plans and worries very well.

‘Captain Potter?’, she tries.

‘I am someone besides a rank’, he suggests.

‘Mr. Potter’.

‘That would be my father. I am James ’, he says at least, as if she is unfamiliar with the name of the youngest captain of the army.

‘I know , but — it would not be proper —’

‘Liam’, he stops her and, just as anytime someone uses that name, Lily wants to look around searching for that person until she remembers her situation. ‘Can I call you Liam?’

‘I’d rather Evans’, she answers, grimacing, and when he looks dismayed, she adds quickly: ‘It’s how everyone calls me. Not… it’s more personal, really’.

‘Fine, Evans’. He grins again. It’s a beautiful smile, so open and inviting, that again Lily has no difficulty understanding the success he makes with all the other soldiers, why their unity is unanimous in praising him. There is something on him that draws people to him — her included. ‘Well, call me James. I can order you to if it will make it more proper’.

Lily lets out a laugh before she stops herself, biting her lips, worried. She shouldn’t laugh; though she can disguise her voice mildly well, her laugh is too thin, too sparkling. It’s not a man’s grave laugh.

Fortunately, the captain doesn’t seem to find anything amiss. He looks just… glad with her reaction.

‘So you are capable of laughing’, he notes teasingly. ‘I had my doubts, you know’.

‘There has never been an occasion, Cap — James ’.

He opens his mouth in an offended expression; it’s so dramatic that, again, she wants to laugh. ‘I beg your pardon? Yesterday, when someone — a very clever someone, I might add — pretended to be shot by an arrow? That was an occasion!’

‘Wasn’t that you?’, she asks, raising her eyebrows. It had been a long tense one minute in which one of the other soldiers, Sirius, had been sure he had shot by mistake the captain and his best friend before James had revealed himself alive, laughing hysterically and showing the fake arrow attached to his badge.

Sirius had punched him, all rank forgotten, but then he was laughing too and everyone thought it was hilarious.

‘It was fun ’.

‘It was terrifying’.

‘Oh, so you were terrified I’d died?’, he jokes, his grin now very smug. ‘And I thought you didn’t like me’.

Lily blushes, lowering her head and hoping he hadn’t noticed it. Truth was she had misjudged him on the first day, annoyed by the way he acted with that captain badge pinned on his chest. He came from a long family of militars, after all, and he was very young, no matter what his father would praise about his grades in military school, so she had truly believed he didn’t deserve to be a captain, that he had only got there for his family name.

In the last few weeks, though, she was forced to admit he was a good captain. He had the vision for it, good ideas, an efficient way of training everyone and, of course, he was a leader.

‘I have nothing against you, sir — James’.

‘I’m glad to know’, he says, sounding earnest. ‘I am worried about you, you know’.

‘Have I done something wrong?’, she asks, surprised, fear involving her again. Lily had taken care of doing all exercises, overworking herself, all to prove that that stupid rule that forbid women in the army did not make any sense. They needed everyone in the fight against Voldemort, after all, and she would not wait patiently, especially when people like her were one of his targets.

‘No, no, you’ve been perfect, really, no one dedicates as much as you’, he assures her. ‘But you don’t socialize. You stay quiet during dinner. You don’t participate in any of the games', he pauses, before adding again dramatically: 'You don’t laugh at my pranks!’

All of it is true. Lily has purposefully gotten away from everyone, afraid they would notice something different about her, though that quiet soldier, Remus, had tried to talk to her. She just feels she can't risk.

‘I do not think it’s time for pranks, James’, she answers, deciding the last point was probably the easiest.

He shakes his head. ‘We are at war, Evans. If we don’t laugh now, we may not laugh after’.

She supposes he is right. And even though he enjoys more pranks than she thinks it’s reasonable, she knows he worries too. More than once, when she is on guard duty, she has noticed the light of his tent is on very late in the night. James may look carefree with everyone else, but he has concerns about the war — and what lies in his shoulder.

‘Your work has been impeccable’, he adds quietly. ‘I just want you to get to know more of your colleagues and for them to know more about you’. Lily presses her lips, hoping her worry doesn’t show on her face. That was all she was trying to avoid. ‘You will need to count on them in the battlefield and they will need to know you have their backs too. And the only way to do that is if we trust each other. Can we do that?’

James is waiting for her answer, his eyes boring into hers firmly, and Lily can’t turn away now. In the light of the morning, with the sun shining on his face, his hazel eyes seem to glint in gold, the pupil barely visible. He has wrinkles on the side of his eyes, and she suddenly wishes they weren’t meeting in the army while she is pretending to be an introverted thin young man.

He seems the kind of guy she would like to meet in college, or to grow up together with, or even in a dancing club with her friends; they would talk and she could be then fully herself, could share with him her witty side and even help him in a prank or two. In that other life she would appreciate how nice and beautiful he is, with that black hair that’s always messy no matter how much he tries to comb, and those hazel eyes that were made for laughing, not to be worried for the war.

But that’s not her life and she is sure that if he ever finds out about her, he will hate her. Somehow, with how much she has learned to admire him in the last weeks, she fears his rejection more than she fears being expelled from the army.

Lily knows she would trust James Potter with her life, knows she would do her duty and die for him if it was needed, and yet she also knows she can't ever tell him  her secret.

So she does what she has been doing best ever since she joined the army.

‘We can trust each other’, she lies.

He beams. ‘Great, Evans! And I thought we could start sharing your mourning runs’. He raises one eyebrow when she looks surprised. ‘I’ve noticed you awake at dawn to run’.

‘I like to train’, she admits. ‘I am… thinner than the others, so I am trying to get fitter’.

‘You look a lot better’, he compliments, touching her arm, where her biceps have been evolving nicely. It’s a pat, a soft brush, and yet it sends shivers down Lily’s spine; his hand is warm . ‘Mind if I join you?’

She hesitates just a little. ‘I will stay quiet’, she warns him. ‘I like to think while I run’.

‘Works for me. And if you want to share a thought or another, well, I’m here, Evans’.

He winks at her, again so friendly that she turns her eyes away, wishing she could tell him the truth. But she can’t, so she presses her lips, ties the ribbon around her hair so the bun stays in place, and kneels to make sure her shoes are tied. Then she raises and her heart stops for a full second.

James has taken out his shirt. She knows he is fit — there is no way he can’t be with all the years of training he had — and she has seen before shirtless, but only when she was far away in the line, hoping to get unnoticed as she trained the movements.

Now, it’s only him, his tanned skin glistening under the morning sun, a god coming out of her dreams. She is staring and she knows it, but there is no way she can avoid it; weeks at the army have made her lost a lot of discomfourt around men's body, but this... This doesn't seem fair.

She watches the muscles in his arms, his biceps far more evident than hers will ever be, and it suddenly occurs to Lily that she would like very much to feel them around her, involving her, holding her. There would be only benefits in hugging him, she realizes, as her eyes move to his torso, enjoying the firmness of his chest and the muscles in his abdomen, a six pack that seems drawn perfectly. In his arms, she would glide her hand through his chest, would place a kiss over his heart and then she would raise her head and they would be so close —

And then James stretches his arms, raising them above his head, and she notices the hair on his torso, a few patches near his chest that shine with a few drops of sweat she wouldn’t mind drying, and then the darked patch over his abdomen, in a path that goes on vanishing inside…

When she finds herself staring at his pants, Lily decides she has crossed more limits that it's reasonable.

She turns, all her concentration in avoiding glancing at him again, though she feels it's fruitless. The sight of him seems to be recorded in her mind. He will appear on her dream, she is sure of it.

‘Everything all right, Evans?’, he asks, right behind her, and she jumps. 'You look red'.

Lily knows it; her face is hot, burning even before she has started to run, and she won’t fool herself pretending she doesn’t know the reason.

‘I'm fine, let’s go’, she answers quickly, heart racing in her chest. This was a horrible idea; mourning runs with her very gorgeous hot captain will do no good for her keeping her secret.

She sprints without warning, but he catches up with her easily. She keeps her eyes ahead. Don't look, don't stare, don't ogle.

‘There is something special about you, Evans’, he declares, the run not seeming to disturb his breathing. ‘I will find out one day’.

[gryffindormischief]

LOL @flowersgrowback​ my reading comprehension skills are apparently not at their peak right now LOL....let’s see some of my favorites of my Jily fics are:

perpetuus | Statue!James AU #1 featuring brilliant nerdy adventurous Lily, wealthy explorer Sirius, barely there Peter, expert guide and nerd Remus...there’s a couple more in the series too!

flicker | First War AU where James is missing and suddenly returns - probably one of my angstiest fics but also some solid sultry...I like this one

epoch | First War AU/sort of Mulan or Twelfth Night adjacent - I love this one...it was self service

moppet | Single Dad!James AU, Modern, Muggle - it’s super fluffy

victorem | Jily Olympics AU (figure skating/ice dancing)

skirting | James is very cheeky, it’s a muggle AU with James sticking it to the man as it were

Tantrum | Canon-verse, probably kind of a crack fic and I would love to not spoil it xD

Honestly, this was really a fun trip down memory lane...I forgot the fics I have written! I kinda want to read them all just to see what I think now haha

i loved matutinal! can you rec me ur fav of your jily fics? 💞

AH Thank you!! I am so glad. It is SO hard to pick favorites - so I'll say these are some favorites, but definitely not all because I am SURE I am neglecting to include some of my favorites.

The Vegan Cupcake by PetalsToFish @petalstofish

Hufflepuff vegan!James who bakes. The AU nobody but Petals knew we needed, but that I can't live without now

Season Ticket by Glisseo 

Possibly the cutest Jily lives + Harry AU

Her Oddest Customer by sunaprincess7

Modern Royalty AU - James is precious

Salmon Fishing in the Olympics by GhostofBambi @ghostofbambifanfiction

Fake dating modern muggle AU - James is an Olympic medalist...I think you might be the person who reminded me of this gem

The Yeast I Can Do by elanev91 @elanev91

Muggle AU - James is a baker and Lily is a doctor. This is a fic I will never forget, very comforting to me when I was very lonely :')

Are You Experienced? by AnnaBtG

Canon-verse Jily first date...someone just recommended this and I loved it soooo much

[startanewdream]

The last Part is now posted on AO3!

_______

‘James’, she calls him once again, and he hears in her voice the plea to believe in her. ‘I can fix this’.

He wonders what ‘this’ she is referring to. There are many things that need to be fixed.

And yet she will need to start it somewhere.

‘This is the last time, Evans’, he whispers, his voice as desperate as hers. This is the last time I’m trusting you .

Captain Potter

Summary: Lily Evans has a secret that the army cannot know and it doesn't help that her captain is trying to be her friend.

Note: So I was watching Mulan and it's Shirtless JP May and this got me into googling shirtless army man, so please enjoy this piece of very much self-indulgence set in another AU. Also, I have no knowledge of military ranks, so bear with me.

Read on AO3 or below:

‘Evans’, the captain calls, and Lily turns to him, slightly afraid as she always feels when she hears her name. Maybe this is the day her secret will be found, this is the day she will be expelled and will fall in disgrace —

But Captain Potter has one of his carefree trademark grins, none at all looking as if he is about to arrest her. He looks at ease, leaning against one of the training posts, arms crossed lazily, watching her with interest shining in his hazel eyes as if she is a puzzle he will understand someday.

Lily truly wishes he won't, so she avoids looking at him directly in the eyes.

‘Captain’, she answers at least, saluting. That seems to amuse him.

‘I have a name, you know’.

‘Hum’, she stops, unsure. Her interactions with the captain have been restricted — well, her interactions with everyone have been limited —, but she has watched him from afar.

He is young and yet he never tries to act bossy with all the other soldiers, never tries to impose himself. He may have a more affinity with three of the soldiers (his friends for a long time, as she gathered), but he tries to treat everyone fairly, encouraging and teaching all soldiers equally, from the weakest of them to the strongest, and it’s not hard for her to see why everyone is willing to follow him into battle. The only one that he hadn’t been able to reach some sort of relationship was with her.

Something that had fit Lily’s plans and worries very well.

‘Captain Potter?’, she tries.

‘I am someone besides a rank’, he suggests.

‘Mr. Potter’.

‘That would be my father. I am James ’, he says at least, as if she is unfamiliar with the name of the youngest captain of the army.

‘I know , but — it would not be proper —’

‘Liam’, he stops her and, just as anytime someone uses that name, Lily wants to look around searching for that person until she remembers her situation. ‘Can I call you Liam?’

‘I’d rather Evans’, she answers, grimacing, and when he looks dismayed, she adds quickly: ‘It’s how everyone calls me. Not… it’s more personal, really’.

‘Fine, Evans’. He grins again. It’s a beautiful smile, so open and inviting, that again Lily has no difficulty understanding the success he makes with all the other soldiers, why their unity is unanimous in praising him. There is something on him that draws people to him — her included. ‘Well, call me James. I can order you to if it will make it more proper’.

Lily lets out a laugh before she stops herself, biting her lips, worried. She shouldn’t laugh; though she can disguise her voice mildly well, her laugh is too thin, too sparkling. It’s not a man’s grave laugh.

Fortunately, the captain doesn’t seem to find anything amiss. He looks just… glad with her reaction.

‘So you are capable of laughing’, he notes teasingly. ‘I had my doubts, you know’.

‘There has never been an occasion, Cap — James ’.

He opens his mouth in an offended expression; it’s so dramatic that, again, she wants to laugh. ‘I beg your pardon? Yesterday, when someone — a very clever someone, I might add — pretended to be shot by an arrow? That was an occasion!’

‘Wasn’t that you?’, she asks, raising her eyebrows. It had been a long tense one minute in which one of the other soldiers, Sirius, had been sure he had shot by mistake the captain and his best friend before James had revealed himself alive, laughing hysterically and showing the fake arrow attached to his badge.

Sirius had punched him, all rank forgotten, but then he was laughing too and everyone thought it was hilarious.

‘It was fun ’.

‘It was terrifying’.

‘Oh, so you were terrified I’d died?’, he jokes, his grin now very smug. ‘And I thought you didn’t like me’.

Lily blushes, lowering her head and hoping he hadn’t noticed it. Truth was she had misjudged him on the first day, annoyed by the way he acted with that captain badge pinned on his chest. He came from a long family of militars, after all, and he was very young, no matter what his father would praise about his grades in military school, so she had truly believed he didn’t deserve to be a captain, that he had only got there for his family name.

In the last few weeks, though, she was forced to admit he was a good captain. He had the vision for it, good ideas, an efficient way of training everyone and, of course, he was a leader.

‘I have nothing against you, sir — James’.

‘I’m glad to know’, he says, sounding earnest. ‘I am worried about you, you know’.

‘Have I done something wrong?’, she asks, surprised, fear involving her again. Lily had taken care of doing all exercises, overworking herself, all to prove that that stupid rule that forbid women in the army did not make any sense. They needed everyone in the fight against Voldemort, after all, and she would not wait patiently, especially when people like her were one of his targets.

‘No, no, you’ve been perfect, really, no one dedicates as much as you’, he assures her. ‘But you don’t socialize. You stay quiet during dinner. You don’t participate in any of the games', he pauses, before adding again dramatically: 'You don’t laugh at my pranks!’

All of it is true. Lily has purposefully gotten away from everyone, afraid they would notice something different about her, though that quiet soldier, Remus, had tried to talk to her. She just feels she can't risk.

‘I do not think it’s time for pranks, James’, she answers, deciding the last point was probably the easiest.

He shakes his head. ‘We are at war, Evans. If we don’t laugh now, we may not laugh after’.

She supposes he is right. And even though he enjoys more pranks than she thinks it’s reasonable, she knows he worries too. More than once, when she is on guard duty, she has noticed the light of his tent is on very late in the night. James may look carefree with everyone else, but he has concerns about the war — and what lies in his shoulder.

‘Your work has been impeccable’, he adds quietly. ‘I just want you to get to know more of your colleagues and for them to know more about you’. Lily presses her lips, hoping her worry doesn’t show on her face. That was all she was trying to avoid. ‘You will need to count on them in the battlefield and they will need to know you have their backs too. And the only way to do that is if we trust each other. Can we do that?’

James is waiting for her answer, his eyes boring into hers firmly, and Lily can’t turn away now. In the light of the morning, with the sun shining on his face, his hazel eyes seem to glint in gold, the pupil barely visible. He has wrinkles on the side of his eyes, and she suddenly wishes they weren’t meeting in the army while she is pretending to be an introverted thin young man.

He seems the kind of guy she would like to meet in college, or to grow up together with, or even in a dancing club with her friends; they would talk and she could be then fully herself, could share with him her witty side and even help him in a prank or two. In that other life she would appreciate how nice and beautiful he is, with that black hair that’s always messy no matter how much he tries to comb, and those hazel eyes that were made for laughing, not to be worried for the war.

But that’s not her life and she is sure that if he ever finds out about her, he will hate her. Somehow, with how much she has learned to admire him in the last weeks, she fears his rejection more than she fears being expelled from the army.

Lily knows she would trust James Potter with her life, knows she would do her duty and die for him if it was needed, and yet she also knows she can't ever tell him  her secret.

So she does what she has been doing best ever since she joined the army.

‘We can trust each other’, she lies.

He beams. ‘Great, Evans! And I thought we could start sharing your mourning runs’. He raises one eyebrow when she looks surprised. ‘I’ve noticed you awake at dawn to run’.

‘I like to train’, she admits. ‘I am… thinner than the others, so I am trying to get fitter’.

‘You look a lot better’, he compliments, touching her arm, where her biceps have been evolving nicely. It’s a pat, a soft brush, and yet it sends shivers down Lily’s spine; his hand is warm . ‘Mind if I join you?’

She hesitates just a little. ‘I will stay quiet’, she warns him. ‘I like to think while I run’.

‘Works for me. And if you want to share a thought or another, well, I’m here, Evans’.

He winks at her, again so friendly that she turns her eyes away, wishing she could tell him the truth. But she can’t, so she presses her lips, ties the ribbon around her hair so the bun stays in place, and kneels to make sure her shoes are tied. Then she raises and her heart stops for a full second.

James has taken out his shirt. She knows he is fit — there is no way he can’t be with all the years of training he had — and she has seen before shirtless, but only when she was far away in the line, hoping to get unnoticed as she trained the movements.

Now, it’s only him, his tanned skin glistening under the morning sun, a god coming out of her dreams. She is staring and she knows it, but there is no way she can avoid it; weeks at the army have made her lost a lot of discomfourt around men's body, but this... This doesn't seem fair.

She watches the muscles in his arms, his biceps far more evident than hers will ever be, and it suddenly occurs to Lily that she would like very much to feel them around her, involving her, holding her. There would be only benefits in hugging him, she realizes, as her eyes move to his torso, enjoying the firmness of his chest and the muscles in his abdomen, a six pack that seems drawn perfectly. In his arms, she would glide her hand through his chest, would place a kiss over his heart and then she would raise her head and they would be so close —

And then James stretches his arms, raising them above his head, and she notices the hair on his torso, a few patches near his chest that shine with a few drops of sweat she wouldn’t mind drying, and then the darked patch over his abdomen, in a path that goes on vanishing inside…

When she finds herself staring at his pants, Lily decides she has crossed more limits that it's reasonable.

She turns, all her concentration in avoiding glancing at him again, though she feels it's fruitless. The sight of him seems to be recorded in her mind. He will appear on her dream, she is sure of it.

‘Everything all right, Evans?’, he asks, right behind her, and she jumps. 'You look red'.

Lily knows it; her face is hot, burning even before she has started to run, and she won’t fool herself pretending she doesn’t know the reason.

‘I'm fine, let’s go’, she answers quickly, heart racing in her chest. This was a horrible idea; mourning runs with her very gorgeous hot captain will do no good for her keeping her secret.

She sprints without warning, but he catches up with her easily. She keeps her eyes ahead. Don't look, don't stare, don't ogle.

‘There is something special about you, Evans’, he declares, the run not seeming to disturb his breathing. ‘I will find out one day’.

[notthatchhavi]

Ahhh this is amazing

I never knew I wanted a Mulan AU Jily until now

Captain Potter

Summary: Lily Evans has a secret that the army cannot know and it doesn't help that her captain is trying to be her friend.

Note: So I was watching Mulan and it's Shirtless JP May and this got me into googling shirtless army man, so please enjoy this piece of very much self-indulgence set in another AU. Also, I have no knowledge of military ranks, so bear with me.

Read on AO3 or below:

‘Evans’, the captain calls, and Lily turns to him, slightly afraid as she always feels when she hears her name. Maybe this is the day her secret will be found, this is the day she will be expelled and will fall in disgrace —

But Captain Potter has one of his carefree trademark grins, none at all looking as if he is about to arrest her. He looks at ease, leaning against one of the training posts, arms crossed lazily, watching her with interest shining in his hazel eyes as if she is a puzzle he will understand someday.

Lily truly wishes he won't, so she avoids looking at him directly in the eyes.

‘Captain’, she answers at least, saluting. That seems to amuse him.

‘I have a name, you know’.

‘Hum’, she stops, unsure. Her interactions with the captain have been restricted — well, her interactions with everyone have been limited —, but she has watched him from afar.

He is young and yet he never tries to act bossy with all the other soldiers, never tries to impose himself. He may have a more affinity with three of the soldiers (his friends for a long time, as she gathered), but he tries to treat everyone fairly, encouraging and teaching all soldiers equally, from the weakest of them to the strongest, and it’s not hard for her to see why everyone is willing to follow him into battle. The only one that he hadn’t been able to reach some sort of relationship was with her.

Something that had fit Lily’s plans and worries very well.

‘Captain Potter?’, she tries.

‘I am someone besides a rank’, he suggests.

‘Mr. Potter’.

‘That would be my father. I am James ’, he says at least, as if she is unfamiliar with the name of the youngest captain of the army.

‘I know , but — it would not be proper —’

‘Liam’, he stops her and, just as anytime someone uses that name, Lily wants to look around searching for that person until she remembers her situation. ‘Can I call you Liam?’

‘I’d rather Evans’, she answers, grimacing, and when he looks dismayed, she adds quickly: ‘It’s how everyone calls me. Not… it’s more personal, really’.

‘Fine, Evans’. He grins again. It’s a beautiful smile, so open and inviting, that again Lily has no difficulty understanding the success he makes with all the other soldiers, why their unity is unanimous in praising him. There is something on him that draws people to him — her included. ‘Well, call me James. I can order you to if it will make it more proper’.

Lily lets out a laugh before she stops herself, biting her lips, worried. She shouldn’t laugh; though she can disguise her voice mildly well, her laugh is too thin, too sparkling. It’s not a man’s grave laugh.

Fortunately, the captain doesn’t seem to find anything amiss. He looks just… glad with her reaction.

‘So you are capable of laughing’, he notes teasingly. ‘I had my doubts, you know’.

‘There has never been an occasion, Cap — James ’.

He opens his mouth in an offended expression; it’s so dramatic that, again, she wants to laugh. ‘I beg your pardon? Yesterday, when someone — a very clever someone, I might add — pretended to be shot by an arrow? That was an occasion!’

‘Wasn’t that you?’, she asks, raising her eyebrows. It had been a long tense one minute in which one of the other soldiers, Sirius, had been sure he had shot by mistake the captain and his best friend before James had revealed himself alive, laughing hysterically and showing the fake arrow attached to his badge.

Sirius had punched him, all rank forgotten, but then he was laughing too and everyone thought it was hilarious.

‘It was fun ’.

‘It was terrifying’.

‘Oh, so you were terrified I’d died?’, he jokes, his grin now very smug. ‘And I thought you didn’t like me’.

Lily blushes, lowering her head and hoping he hadn’t noticed it. Truth was she had misjudged him on the first day, annoyed by the way he acted with that captain badge pinned on his chest. He came from a long family of militars, after all, and he was very young, no matter what his father would praise about his grades in military school, so she had truly believed he didn’t deserve to be a captain, that he had only got there for his family name.

In the last few weeks, though, she was forced to admit he was a good captain. He had the vision for it, good ideas, an efficient way of training everyone and, of course, he was a leader.

‘I have nothing against you, sir — James’.

‘I’m glad to know’, he says, sounding earnest. ‘I am worried about you, you know’.

‘Have I done something wrong?’, she asks, surprised, fear involving her again. Lily had taken care of doing all exercises, overworking herself, all to prove that that stupid rule that forbid women in the army did not make any sense. They needed everyone in the fight against Voldemort, after all, and she would not wait patiently, especially when people like her were one of his targets.

‘No, no, you’ve been perfect, really, no one dedicates as much as you’, he assures her. ‘But you don’t socialize. You stay quiet during dinner. You don’t participate in any of the games', he pauses, before adding again dramatically: 'You don’t laugh at my pranks!’

All of it is true. Lily has purposefully gotten away from everyone, afraid they would notice something different about her, though that quiet soldier, Remus, had tried to talk to her. She just feels she can't risk.

‘I do not think it’s time for pranks, James’, she answers, deciding the last point was probably the easiest.

He shakes his head. ‘We are at war, Evans. If we don’t laugh now, we may not laugh after’.

She supposes he is right. And even though he enjoys more pranks than she thinks it’s reasonable, she knows he worries too. More than once, when she is on guard duty, she has noticed the light of his tent is on very late in the night. James may look carefree with everyone else, but he has concerns about the war — and what lies in his shoulder.

‘Your work has been impeccable’, he adds quietly. ‘I just want you to get to know more of your colleagues and for them to know more about you’. Lily presses her lips, hoping her worry doesn’t show on her face. That was all she was trying to avoid. ‘You will need to count on them in the battlefield and they will need to know you have their backs too. And the only way to do that is if we trust each other. Can we do that?’

James is waiting for her answer, his eyes boring into hers firmly, and Lily can’t turn away now. In the light of the morning, with the sun shining on his face, his hazel eyes seem to glint in gold, the pupil barely visible. He has wrinkles on the side of his eyes, and she suddenly wishes they weren’t meeting in the army while she is pretending to be an introverted thin young man.

He seems the kind of guy she would like to meet in college, or to grow up together with, or even in a dancing club with her friends; they would talk and she could be then fully herself, could share with him her witty side and even help him in a prank or two. In that other life she would appreciate how nice and beautiful he is, with that black hair that’s always messy no matter how much he tries to comb, and those hazel eyes that were made for laughing, not to be worried for the war.

But that’s not her life and she is sure that if he ever finds out about her, he will hate her. Somehow, with how much she has learned to admire him in the last weeks, she fears his rejection more than she fears being expelled from the army.

Lily knows she would trust James Potter with her life, knows she would do her duty and die for him if it was needed, and yet she also knows she can't ever tell him  her secret.

So she does what she has been doing best ever since she joined the army.

‘We can trust each other’, she lies.

He beams. ‘Great, Evans! And I thought we could start sharing your mourning runs’. He raises one eyebrow when she looks surprised. ‘I’ve noticed you awake at dawn to run’.

‘I like to train’, she admits. ‘I am… thinner than the others, so I am trying to get fitter’.

‘You look a lot better’, he compliments, touching her arm, where her biceps have been evolving nicely. It’s a pat, a soft brush, and yet it sends shivers down Lily’s spine; his hand is warm . ‘Mind if I join you?’

She hesitates just a little. ‘I will stay quiet’, she warns him. ‘I like to think while I run’.

‘Works for me. And if you want to share a thought or another, well, I’m here, Evans’.

He winks at her, again so friendly that she turns her eyes away, wishing she could tell him the truth. But she can’t, so she presses her lips, ties the ribbon around her hair so the bun stays in place, and kneels to make sure her shoes are tied. Then she raises and her heart stops for a full second.

James has taken out his shirt. She knows he is fit — there is no way he can’t be with all the years of training he had — and she has seen before shirtless, but only when she was far away in the line, hoping to get unnoticed as she trained the movements.

Now, it’s only him, his tanned skin glistening under the morning sun, a god coming out of her dreams. She is staring and she knows it, but there is no way she can avoid it; weeks at the army have made her lost a lot of discomfourt around men's body, but this... This doesn't seem fair.

She watches the muscles in his arms, his biceps far more evident than hers will ever be, and it suddenly occurs to Lily that she would like very much to feel them around her, involving her, holding her. There would be only benefits in hugging him, she realizes, as her eyes move to his torso, enjoying the firmness of his chest and the muscles in his abdomen, a six pack that seems drawn perfectly. In his arms, she would glide her hand through his chest, would place a kiss over his heart and then she would raise her head and they would be so close —

And then James stretches his arms, raising them above his head, and she notices the hair on his torso, a few patches near his chest that shine with a few drops of sweat she wouldn’t mind drying, and then the darked patch over his abdomen, in a path that goes on vanishing inside…

When she finds herself staring at his pants, Lily decides she has crossed more limits that it's reasonable.

She turns, all her concentration in avoiding glancing at him again, though she feels it's fruitless. The sight of him seems to be recorded in her mind. He will appear on her dream, she is sure of it.

‘Everything all right, Evans?’, he asks, right behind her, and she jumps. 'You look red'.

Lily knows it; her face is hot, burning even before she has started to run, and she won’t fool herself pretending she doesn’t know the reason.

‘I'm fine, let’s go’, she answers quickly, heart racing in her chest. This was a horrible idea; mourning runs with her very gorgeous hot captain will do no good for her keeping her secret.

She sprints without warning, but he catches up with her easily. She keeps her eyes ahead. Don't look, don't stare, don't ogle.

‘There is something special about you, Evans’, he declares, the run not seeming to disturb his breathing. ‘I will find out one day’.