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samzzarella · 1 month ago

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Closer 😩

~pairing: se-mi / player 380 x fem!reader

~ fluff, drunk se-mi, confessions

Se-mi still hadn’t called you back. You sighed, tucking your phone away. Unwilling to chase her, you hadn’t gone further than a missed call and a few texts. But you couldn’t get her out of your mind, couldn’t stop thinking about the things you’d overheard her saying to Min-su

°°••....••°°

The night before, you’d gone to hang out at Nam-gyu’s with a couple of friends. Se-mi had been acting weird for the past few days, distant. She hadn’t been spending any time with you, or looking you in the eye. She was your best friend, and you had hardly spoken to her properly in a week. You decided not to confront her and cause a scene in front of everyone, and instead did your best to distract yourself. You chatted with Thanos, because at the very least conversations with him were pretty entertaining. You drank and laughed, letting all thoughts of your best friend seep out of your mind.

But of course, it didn’t last long. You were helping Nam-gyu refill everyone’s drinks when he asked you, “Where did Se-mi go? Could you find her and ask her if she wants a refill? Yeah and that Min-su too”. You really didn’t want to, but if you refused, you knew he would start asking questions that you did not have the energy to answer.

You begrudgingly headed up the stairs to find them, eventually seeing them having a tense conversation in the darkened hallway. You could’nt hear the words she was saying, but it didn't seem like they were fighting. You stayed out of sight, creeping a bit closernto hear what they were saying, figuring that the conversation must be about you.

“I just, ugh I don't know what to do? I mean, she’s my best friend, you know, and these stupid feelings just make things too complicated. If she knew how I felt I’m sure she would hate me. She would never talk to me again. I can't risk that. You know I’m not a coward. Telling her… would just make things worse. But I just can’t bear to be around her knowing that she won’t ever feel the same. I mean, have you seen the way she looks at that co-worker friend of hers. That stupid guy, I just hate him”, she was speaking faster than you could keep up with. What was she talking about? She liked you? You could hardly believe it, someone like her having feelings for you and being so overwhelmed by those feelings that she hadn’t even realized yours. The only reason you had brought a friend from work for a gathering was to make her jealous, but it seemed to have worked too well. She thought you actually liked him?

You couldn’t keep listening to this. “Se-mi?”, you couldn’t keep the surprise out of your voice. She spun around when she heard you, her expression painted with horror. “Did you hear all that?”, her jaw clenched, her piercing gaze shattering any will you had to confront her. In this situation, how were you supposed to tell her that you too had feelings for her? Before any words could come out of your mouth, Min-su interjected, “What’s up? Are the others calling us?” You sputtered out a yes, and Min-su hurriedly pulled Se-mi with him down the stairs, unwilling to be in the middle of whatever was brewing between you too. You stood there stunned for a few minutes before heading downstairs youself.

Se-mi was pulling on her jacket. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you guys later”, she didn’t meet your gaze as she slammed the door shut behind her. Ever clueless, Thanos asked you, “What happened?”

“Um, nothing. I dunno”. You were grateful that Min-su didn’t say anything either.

You couldn’t bear to be there a second longer and decided to just head home. When you reached your apartment, you immediately called Se-mi, but she hadn’t picked up. She’d even ignored your texts. There was nothing you could do but wait for her to reach out.

°°••....••°°

Your phone ringing shook you out of your thoughts. She finally called you back! And you could tell her everything and… nope it was just Thanos. Rolling your eyes, you picked up, your tone uninterested when you answered. But upon hearing the worry in his voice you were instantly on high alert. “Listen, you have to get here right now. I don’t know what you did to my girl Se-mi, but she’s turnt. I legit have never seen her like this”, he was, for some reason, almost rapping this information to you, and your brain was struggling to keep up with how fast he was talking. “What? Where are you?”, you questioned.

“Oh, we’re at my place”.

“Ok, I’ll be there in a bit”.

You were getting more worried every minute that passed by as you drove to Thanos’ apartment. Se-mi never got drunk. She didn’t like being vulnerable around others, in public. And especially not if it was with Thanos and Nam-gyu, because even though they were your close friends, you would definitely say they weren’t the most responsible guys. You pulled up to the building, nearly jumping out of your car.

°°••....••°°

She-mi rubbed her temples with a groan. It was such a stupid fucking idea to come here, knowing that the only advice Thanos would give in this situation was to get shit-faced. And of course, being a heartbroken idiot, she listened.

God, you’d overheard everything, all the feelings she had tried too hard to hide from you. In the end, all she could do was run away, and now your friendship was ruined.

The doorbell rang, practically drilling a hole in her head. Nam-gyu nibbled over to the door, pulling it open to reveal you standing there. “Se-mi, c’mon I’m taking you back home, you’re staying with me”. Even in her inebriated state, she knew there was no fighting it, and she wasn’t in any position to anyway. She obliged, letting you loop your arm around hers and pull her up. Saying a quick goodbye to the others, you led her to your car, setting her in the passenger seat and buckled her seatbelts before she had a chance to fall over. As you drove home, you kept checking to make sure she was alright as she began to doze off.

°°••....••°°

You held Se-mi up as you entered your apartment. She was held so close to you that you could smell the alcohol, as well as her own scent lingering underneath. Setting her down on the sofa, you filled a glass of water, bringing it to her. “Finish all of it okay?”, your voice was gentle. She emptied the glass and set it down, turning to face you. She looked up at you with wide, vulnerable eyes, her expression making your insides melt.

“Why are you taking care of me?”.

Your eyebrows furrowed, “You're my best fr- you're the most important person to me. Of course I'll take care of you”.

“Even after what you heard? Do I not… make you feel weird?”, she looked away, unable to meet your eyes. With a gentle hand on her chin, you pulled her gaze up to yours.

“I don’t feel weird because… I feel the same way Se-mi. I always have”. You didn’t even realize what was happening when, the next moment, her lips were on yours, soft and sweet. Instinctively, your hands reached up to grip her hair, hers cupping your jaw. Heat flared through your entire body as her tongue pushed into your mouth, the kisses becoming deep and hungry. You pulled away from her, both of you breathless.

Unable to read the expression on your face, she began to stutter out an apology. “I’m sorry… that was sudden and I didn't even ask or anyth-” “It’s okay Se-mi, I..uh…I wanted to kiss you too. But you’re drunk and I don't want to take advantage of you or something so…” “Hmm”, was all she replied, her eyelids dropping, and you could sense the exhaustion setting over her. You chuckled, “Let’s get you to bed alright?”. You helped her to your room, getting her settled with whatever she needed. As you were turning around, Se-mi grabbed onto your hand, grumbling sleepily, “Where are you going?”

“Oh I was gonna go sleep on the sofa…”

“Just c’mere”, she pulled you onto the bed. With a small laugh you settled in next to her, rubbing little circle on her arm. Wrapping her arms around you, snuggling her face into your hair. She let out a content smile, immediately falling asleep.

She looked so peaceful in her sleep, calm and relaxed, and you couldn't believe she was here with you, bundled up in your arms. Slowly, you too followed into the realm of sleep, chest rising and falling along with hers.

p.s. pls send requests for other squid game characters (especially headcanons), or even for any of the other fandoms I write for. <3

pt. 2…smut…? ;)

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midnight--sadness · 1 month ago

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"my girl can wear whatever she wants because..." squid game edition

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amiaclone · 2 months ago

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player 125(min su) and 120(hyun ju) relationship headcanons with a gender neutral partner please? preferably fluffy and smut,but if you don't do smut, ignore that part :]

Im not that good at smut but I’ll try to write a few!

Min su

Pls protect this man he can’t protect himself If the two of you are cowards ig you two are trying to live in this unfair world together 😭

SO SWEET would get you anything you ever showed interest in that random top in the market you thought would look nice on you? He got it and he insists!

Would randomly compliment things about you when you probably didn’t realise just little things that mean a lot to him

Shy about well any psychical touch you’ll likely have to engage he really doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable even holding hands he’s afraid :(

If you ever do insist he’ll always tug onto you in public like tug on your arm in big busy areas <3

Once he gets comfortable with psychical touch if you like it i see him giving small pecks on the cheek and liking them back!

His preferred dates are staying at home but if you wanna go out he’ll do it he just likes a few stay at home ones

Pet names are usually sweetheart or something simple as he gets afraid somehow he’ll be seen as cringe you say it’s fine though ❤️

You trying to make him confident challenge go!

In bed submissive in the streets and the sheets im fully confident with this one

Would prolly try to top once and fail miserably and cutely

Probably takes it slow and wants you to take it slow with him very much pls

Hyun Ju

I already wrote some headcannons of her before so I’ll try to make some of them different!

Anyways sleepovers!!! She likes those things it makes her forget about all her problems for atleast a second

Likes doing those couple funny tiktok vids with who does this and makes you do them with her 💀

Random pet names? Honestly wouldn’t really know what she’d call you one day your name the next baby or smth she’ll call you whatever she wants to call you 😭

Number one defender if anyone crosses you

Likes wearing matching clothes and begs you to wear them atleast once

Prefers going out as dates if your more introverted and laid back she doesn’t mind though as long as she’s with you

Random headcannon but i think she sleep talks and sometimes you hear her say your name <3

In bed pretty uncomfortable first over her not having her surgeries done so you insist it’s fine and you’ll wait till she’s ready

She decides she’ll try as you accept her for who she is anyways and once she’s comfortable you well…yeah

Honestly giving switch lean to top just the vibes

Says your doing so well with a soft voice and takes it slow depending on your and her mood

Calls you beautiful <3

Anywaysss hope you liked itt!

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welcome2thetop · 1 month ago

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Team Thanos

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lenteur · 6 days ago

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Digital single <come back> 2025.02.17 (Mon.) 18:00 (KST) 🍀

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xiaobaosnoona · 5 months ago

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#tomb of the sea #sand sea #dmbj #hei xiazi #wang haoxuan #su wan #ji chen #hei yanjing #the lost tomb #noonas dmbj #noonas gifs #the silence after that statement was so loud #he regretted his choice almost immediately

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leembeanz · 8 months ago

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Hm. reinvigorated my Kung Fu Panda brainworms by doodling a KFP Ji-Su after watching KFP 4. movie was just Okay. i like Zhen as a character but her execution was undercooked imo. in my mind i am recasting her with Michaela Dietz and adding more markings to her design. and more onscreen bonding with her and Po. cuz i like their dynamic a lot. i'm just a sucker for thieves who turn a new leaf. also kicking screaming crying Frows Up over lack of Tigress but anyway. mini-movie review over.

#rawk talks #ji-su #they call we answer

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ritestodeth · 5 days ago

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squid game doodles ft me n my friends oc 👅👅 dont look at the ocxcc im embarrassed

#squid game #thangyu #thanos squid game #choi su bong #player 230 #nam gyu #player 124 #kang dae ho #player 388 #cho sang woo #player 218 #hwang in ho #ji yeong #kang sae byeok #art

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thanosscross · 30 days ago

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Saving Grace - Dad! Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P & Teenage Daughter!reader

Summary: Having a child at the start of his career, Seung Hyun wasn't sure if he could handle it, only for you to prove to be his rock and biggest motivation growing up.

Warnings: None <33 Just some sappy stuff

Translations!:

Aein: Sweetheart

Appa: Informal way of saying 'Father', meaning dad

Whenever Choi Seung Hyun had his first official one night stand before his first BigBang tour in 2007, he'd never expect to come back to find a whole child waiting for him. It took a minute to track your mother down after she had left young 2 month year old y/n with the three remaining members of BigBang while Seung Hyun was out of town filming, claiming he'd be a lot better to raise the kid than she was, considering who he was.

Seung Hyun would be skeptical at first, not that he didn't love you, he just really didn't think he'd be capable of caring for a child, especially during his Military enlistment time, you were only ten whenever he left for training, leaving you alone, yes you had your uncles, but they weren't your dad. You weren't that sensitive, the boys going out of their way to make sure you could handle the world of k-pop, especially with you being in the spotlight with your dad. Whenever Seung Hyun left BigBang, you were fifteen, old enough to understand the things your dad had to deal with was not okay in the slightest. Seung Hyun wouldn't lie to anybody, you were his rock and his saving grace during those years he'd spend tucked away in his home, you always made sure he took care of himself, even if he lost his cool once or twice. You didn't ever mind though, you loved your dad, you knew the story of how your mom left, and even if your dad would never admit it, and get pissed at you for even saying it, you knew your dad could've given you away to continue with the life he was in the line of getting with clubs and partying with women. That's why you didn't mind helping him, he could've left you but he never did, he went above and beyond for you instead, he loved you more than anything and you were always on a mission to show him how much you appreciated him constantly, even if sometimes you'd argue and annoy each other.

Not only did you make sure Seung Hyun took care of himself, you also without knowing, caused him to become a little more comfortable with BigBang's music after he left. You loved your uncles, and while you understood why your dad had cut them off, you missed them a lot, so some days you'd blare their music through your house, it helping you feel closer to them while respecting your father's wishes of keeping your distance. Seung Hyun already felt terrible for keeping you from them basically, so he wouldn't dare argue with you again about what music you played, not after the first time. You had looked so heartbroken after he had threatened to ground you for it, stating softly you just wanted to leave and live with your uncle Ji, after that he realized, you didn't listen to the music as a way to do your exposure therapy thing you were always trying to get him to try, you just really wanted to hear the boys' voice again.

Despite that, you were still close with your dad, always supporting him, especially whenever he decided to take on the role of Thanos in squid game. You followed him to work basically every day, even with you being sixteen, you were still very close with your dad, you couldn't help it though, between being homeschooled over your father's fear of you being bullied or stalked, and your extreme emotional maturity, you understood why your dad needed you around so much.

As you stood in the kitchen, in the process of making yourself and your dad breakfast, you nodded along to your uncle's verse in Bae Bae, a song wasn't too fond of you singing, but he also knew at the end of the day, there was no stopping you, you'd just make sure to wake him up belting the lyrics everyday if he tried. As soon as your dad's verse start, you were quick to sing along, using your spatula as a microphone as you mimicked their old choreography, not noticing your dad until he smiled, making his way out to you as he copied your moves. Even if it was a song, he wasn't very fond of you knowing, he'd always feel a sense of confidence wash over him knowing you were proud of the art he helped make.

As the song faded into the next, you slowly stopped laughing, smiling as he served him his plate, he thanked you, sitting down at the table as he watched you curiously. It was rare you cooked, always preferring to order in compared to cooking, unless it was your dad's cooking, sometimes. Seung Hyun watched as you spun around grabbing everything you needed for your food, following along with every word to 'Doom Dada' "Do you listen to anything other than this?" He asked playfully, watching as you shot him a glare "leave me alone, I am having breakfast with my appa and uncles" You huffed, never stopping your movements of dancing to the music "And yes I do, but you wouldn't like it" You smirked rolling your eyes, knowing your dad probably would like it, just not the idea of you liking it, due to the rather..sexual messaging behind the lyrics. As you finished rapping to the music, you smiled as you heard the already familiar beat to your uncle's new song 'Power'. You slid your feet around as you sung along, finishing up your breakfast as you sang, the entire time your father making a plan he wasn't too sure about.

After breakfast, your dad was quick to hide in his bedroom, keeping the door locked as he contemplated on his plan. You were currently outside of his door, a nervous wreck, you didn't mean to be, but with your dad's past of getting depressed and locking himself away for days, you had a little worry. Your worrying was cut short whenever your dad's opened sorry "Appa! You..." You stopped yourself, staring at him, debating if it was the best idea to call your father an asshole "You father" You huffed finishing your sentence, causing Seung Hyun to raise his eyebrows towards you "Really? That was..the best insult you've ever had, aein" He replied playfully before leaning against the wall "Come in here, I want to talk to you" He stated calmly, watching as you walked in, plopping yourself down on his bed happily "What's up, Appa" You smiled softly tilting your head "Gotta go to work early? You want to give me a mansion and a million won? You're so kind" You smiled playfully as he laughed "Ha! In your dreams, anyways...I talked with Ji-Yong" He stated, his tone changing to a more serious one, you were quick to look at him in shock "You did!? That's amazing!-" He cut you off by raising his hand, you quickly stopped speaking, looking at your father nervously "If you want to...He's willing to let you stay with him for a week, so you can see your uncles again" He whispered, not taking his eyes off of his socks "Do not, ever power your phone off, other than for the plane ride, you listen to every staff and flight attendant that is in charge of you, and always answer your phone please" He listed off rules before giving you a serious glare "Do not, sign any contracts, I've already told you, I don't want you in that world, not yet" He explained, you just shook your head "I know, but really? You're going to let me go? Are you sure, Appa?" You asked nervously as you grabbed onto his arm to get his attention "Yea..yes I'm sure, as long as you follow those rules, and promise to call me every night and to come back whenever you're supposed to" He whispered, you hugged him tightly, feeling yourself start to tear up at the thought of not only seeing your uncles again, but also the thought of not seeing your dad for a whole week.

Whenever you made it to the airport, you tried not to cry, giving your dad a tight hug before waving goodbye, heading towards the gate. As you tried to keep your tears a secret, Seung Hyun still noticed, he had raised you after all, pulling out his phone quickly he called you. "Hello? Appa why are you calling?" You asked, trying to steady your voice as you approached security "Oh my gosh, don't look now, but there's a famous person behind you" He whispered playfully, you couldn't suppress your giggle as you turned around to see your dad playfully hiding behind different objects he could find. Even with your distance, you could still notice the tears going down your father's cheeks, even when crying, he was still trying his best to cheer his little girl up, but that was just the type of person he was. "You're so stupid" You whimpered into the phone "Aein...please don't cry...you'll be back" He assured, wiping his face quickly, offering you a thumbs up from where he stood "I'm just..I'm gonna miss you..and I'm scared..what if you need me?" You whispered, squeezing the fabric of your jacket in your fists as you tried to calm your anxiety, a sob slipping past your lips instead "W-What if you need me, and I'm not there and won't answer" You repeated, Seung Hyun could feel his heart break, he hadn't noticed how badly his depression had effected your anxiety. Of course you worried yourself with your father's mental health though, having the same issues, you knew how important and good it felt having someone actually care and notice your patterns, your anxiety just got in the way sometimes.

"Oh Y/n...Aein, I'll be okay, don't you dare burden yourself with my things right now, they're for me to carry, will I miss my #1 amazing awesome daughter? Of course, but I'll be okay..It's only a week" He assured, nodding softly, you gave one more tearful goodbye to your dad before walking through security and boarding your plane.

The plane boarding process was smooth, you quickly found the flight attendant that was responsible for making sure you made it to Ji-yong safely. After that you had fallen asleep, only waking up for about an hour to eat and take a few pictures of the clouds for your dad. As you got off the plane, you looked around for any of your uncles or their security, spotting Ji-Yong and the others standing off to the side you rushed over smiling. "Sorry Ma'am, no photos right now" Their security guard huffed, you just rolled your eyes smiling at Dae-Sung brightly "Y/n!!" He squealed out, never being able to forget the famous Choi Seung Hyun smile you had inherited, the guards moved to the side, allowing you to hug them all excitedly "Oh my god! Look at you, Aein! You're giant just like your Appa!" Tae-Yang smiled, hugging you tightly, you just smiled, missing their nicknames for you. Aein being the most common. "You're so grown up, and you look just like your Appa" Ji-Yong smiled in awe, holding your hands gently as you bowed to the three of them "I've missed you guys, more than anything" You stated smiling as the flight attendant brought your bags over "Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! Thank you!" You smiled brightly, taking them before turning your attention back to your uncles.

The week you were there, you had a lot of fun, spending all the time you could with your uncles before it came time to leave, while you were upset, and you knew you'd miss this more than anything, you were also relieved to see your dad again. "I'll miss you guys, but you have my number now, so I expect texts from all of you, or I'm exposing you for the most random things I can think of" You threatened playfully, trying to hold back your tears, you couldn't help but tear up though, seeing the three boys' sad faces as they stood with you at your gate. "We will, just..be careful okay? Keep taking care of your Appa for us, please.." Dae-sung offered, hugging you tightly, giving you a tight squeeze before pulling away "Yea..we're all lucky to have you, Aein, you always take care of your Appa, just, keep at it, make sure our brother knows we love and miss him" Ji-Yong whispered, pulling you into a tight hug as he tried not to cry himself, but he couldn't stop himself. Ji-Yong took a big part in raising you, if it wasn't Seung Hyun with you, you were almost always clung to Ji-Yong's hip, begging him for something your dad said no to. "I'm gonna miss you so bad, Aein" He whispered, kissing the top of your head before stepping back, letting Tae-Yang pull you into a hug. "Be a badass, keep being my amazing thoughtful y/n, alright?" He stated as he squeezed you tightly, you tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you nodded softly "I'll try...you guys promise to call me?" You whispered, biting the inside of your cheek trying not to cry "Of course! You better hurry before you miss your flight" Tae-Yang assured, rushing you off towards the boarding hall.

The flight back you stayed curled up in your seat, trying to get all of your tears out before you got home, not wanting your dad to feel bad for having you only stay a week.

Walking off of the plane and into the airport, you tried to spot your dad, it was late at night, the airport was mainly empty, most people on your flight getting taxis or getting on connecting flights. The longer it took to spot Seung Hyun, the more you started to panic, he knew what time he had to meet you here, he literally reminded you the entire time you were with your uncles. "Aein!" You heard him shout as he rushed out of the baggage claim "Sorry! I wanted to grab your things, I wasn't expecting it to take that long" He smiled softly, you just smiled brightly, rushing over to hug him tightly "I missed you, Appa" You whispered, holding onto the back of his hoodie tightly "I missed you too, Aein! Did you have fun? How was it?" He asked smiling softly as he led you towards the car. As you rambled about all of the things you did, Seung Hyun just smiled, happy to see his daughter this excited and happy over just one week. "They miss you a lot, Appa.." You whispered, knowing it was a touchy subject, you watched as he clenched his jaw for a moment before looking at you "I know..I miss them too..but it's not time yet" He whispered, grabbing your hand gently "Until it is time though? I just need my y/n" He sighed contently as he drove you both back home "What are you going to do whenever I move out?" You asked playfully, watching as he shot you a glare "Don't talk about that, it's not time for that either" He whispered, causing you to roll your eyes, of course he didn't want to talk about you moving out yet.

You like? It's very long yes yes oh my lord ><, tell me what you think as it is my first Dad! Seung Hyun fic!! Lmk if you'd rather see Daughter! reader with Ji-Yong, or reader having a kid with Ji-Yong?

Taglist!!

@onyxmango

@ag02212023

@acehasmyheart

@mitchko11

@learninglinesintherainn

@seunghyunwifey

@alexandralibbre

@jajabro

@heartsforseo

@lilou-0401

@maenoakasuna

@ericityyy

@alexandralibbre

@jajabro

@heartsforseo

@frangiipanii

@seunghyunwifey

@sturnioloslut-b

@isssaaaa2111

@goodnight-n-go-home

@skzdreamz

@enhasrii

@sunhyeswife

@ilovethe141

#squid game thanos #thanos x reader #top x reader #choi su bong x reader #thanos squid game #squid game #t.o.p x reader #squidgame #choi seunghyun #t.o.p #bigbang x reader #kwon ji yong bigbang #g dragon bigbang x reader #kpop gdragon #t.o.p icons #t.o.p bigbang #top #choi seung hyun x reader

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prodineonblue · 1 month ago

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thanos and kang mi na 💔

let's try getting it out there again cause the first time got 1 note (love that 1 liker btw xx)

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luluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu · 27 days ago

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˗ˏˋ♡ˎˊ˗𝓗𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓮𝓷 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓮 ˗ˏˋ♡ˎˊ˗

˚ ✶ ⋆｡˚𓆟 Synopsis: You're not in love, that's what you keep telling yourself. But if you keep denying it, it'll only hurt you more

˚ ✶ ⋆｡˚𓆟Extra Details: F!Reader, Unrequited love. Angst, only cussed once or twice I think

˚ ✶ ⋆｡˚𓆟 Lovely Notes: This took me a week to write so hopefully you guys like it! Requests are open and I will be posting Se-mi fake dating tomorrow since it needs MAJOR editing. Also Requests are open!

────────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────────────

It's easy to live in denial, but accepting the truth is one of the hardest things to do. Acceptance and denial. Two words so closely related yet so different. It was so easy to convince yourself Se-mi was just a friend whilst you ignore the way your heart races when she looks in your direction. It’s so easy saying you don’t like her despite the tingling jealousy that builds up whenever she talks or even mentions another girl. Convincing everyone that you had absolutely no romantic feelings for her was almost as easy as breathing, but the more you deny it, the more painful the truth and acceptance will be.

The more the words repeat in your head, the more you are forced to remember how long you've been putting these feelings aside all in denial. Se-mi is going on a date with a girl she met at one of Thanos's parties. “I’m just looking out for her” was the same excuse you had always told yourself. Just a protective friend definitely not because the mere idea of her even looking at another girl in that way hurts. We're just friends and I'm just a friend to her.

Just a friend

Just…a…friend….

The more the words repeat in your head, the more it feels true yet the impending hope of what things could overshadow the denial. I mean if it's so easy to convince them…why can't you convince yourself? Why is it so hard to just be okay with her going on a date with another girl…a girl that isn't you. Why is it so hard to just accept that you are nothing more than her friend?

Saturday afternoon rolled around, and a harsh knock at your bedroom window had woken you up. It was Se-mi, it was only ever her. You slowly get up from the warmth of your comfortable bed, a strangely unfamiliar place. This was wrong, you knew it was wrong but why are you still giving in? Despite your better judgement, you open the window and let her in. Se-mi does her signature smirk “Woke you up?” she asks, sitting on your bed. “No..Kind of?” you say standing up and looking at her. “Uhmm? What's up?” You say, your voice sounded quieter and slightly nervous but why were YOU nervous? It was just Se-mi. “Okay so I'm supposed to meet Ji-Yeong- later at the amusement park” Se-mi says excitedly. You stare at her, your eyes looking hollow as you try to hold in the jealousy. No, it wasn't jealousy, you thought to yourself, it was just that you didn't like how Ji-Yeong treated her. That's all. “Uh-huh” you gave her a half response as she talks about her excitement “She's pretty and nice, it think we'd be more than a casual fling” Se-mi jokes. Se-Mi had always been a bit of a player ever since you had met her. It was never the same girl.

“Cool, have fun with her” you say, your tone was harsher, colder. A tone you've never used with Se-mi. Your response catches her off guard “Woah, something wrong?” she asks. Se-mi had always been good at reading your feelings and being able to tell when something was wrong. “Nothing’s wrong, I just woke up so I'm just sleepy! yep very sleepy still and probably tired..like REALLY tired” you say starting to ramble and hoping that your response was convincing enough.

“Staying up late editing again, huh?” She teased.You roll your eyes “shouldn’t you be getting reader for your date with Ji-yeong” You say as your voice became snarky the instant you said her name. “Woah don't get all sassy, I just know you too well” She says with a big grin. But if she really knew you so well, then how come she didn't notice? How did she not see how you were so obviously in love with her. Maybe she did and just chose to ignore it or maybe she didn't know you at all. You're suddenly taken back to reality when Se-mi places her hand on your shoulders “Hey, you're not upset about me waking you up right?” Her voice was gentle and sweet. Your face flushes “Yeah” you say as Se-Mi smiles and hugs you gently

It was a tough day that day, after se-mi had left for her date you couldn't stop wondering. Wondering if the date was okay, wondering if Se-mi talked to Ji-yeong the same way she did with you. Se-mi’s date should be over by now, she hadn't even texted you. You were hoping, begging even that Se-mi would come over to say it didn't go well. For her to go to your apartment and realize she wanted you. No, you just want her to be okay, you don't like her, you're not in love. But if you're not, why does it hurt so Goddamn bad that she's on a date with Kim Ji-Yeong and not YOU. It's almost like your prayers had been answered the moment you heard your door knocked, you rushed towards your door, wiping your face from any kind of imperfection you thought you had. Slowly, you open the door and smile warmly seeing Se-mi. “Hey!” you said, your voice seemed all too happy. “Hi” she smiled warmly as she walked in and sat on your couch. “How'd it go?” you say quietly, wishing in every bone in your body that she'd say it went horrible, it was bad and she'd never go to Ji-yeong ever again.

“We’re dating now!” Se-mi says with such excitement in her voice. Your smile immediately drops and before you know it you’re staring at her, dumbstruck.”What?” what, the only words you could muster out. “The date went perfect, we were going to take it slow but she’s just too good to lose” Se-mi says with a bright grin. You stare at her in silence “You need to go” you whisper quietly. “What? Did I say something wrong?” Se-mi says in an upset tone “I just need you to leave, like right now” You say your voice cracks as you feel tears threatening to fall. “I’m not fucking leaving you until you tell me what’s wrong?” she says as she stands up. Her face was stern as she stared at you. And before you know it, you’re crying screaming out every single thing you’ve felt for the past 5 years. “I’m in love with you Se-mi! I can’t keep doing this! It hurts knowing you’re not MINE. I can’t even stand the mere idea that you’re hanging around other people. You can’t even see that, I’ve tried so hard to not be in love with you but I can’t. I can’t… I can’t keep living like this, I can’t keep acting like I don’t love you and that we’re just best friends” You say, stumbling on your words as you rant. Se-mi stared at you with a blank expression. “Look, You’re a great person and the best friend” she starts but you don’t even let her finish “Please… Just leave” you choked out through your tears and she glances at you one last time before leaving.

WIth a heavy heart, you knew you should’ve stayed quiet. Emotions aren’t easy. Maybe if you had just accepted instead of denying, maybe the weights in your hearts wouldn’t drag you down like an anchor. Maybe then, Se-mi would still have been your best friend.

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