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masked-disciple · 4 years ago

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19 through 25? :0

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

Hmmmm.... Honestly, not that I can think of? I mean characters in my head sometimes walk up and inform me they’ve committed incest again, but that doesn’t usually make it to AO3. (Shoutout to Rhada for informing me of a whole lot of shit he did with Sisyphus, who is related to him in Mirrorverse on a fucking technicality, jfc. But also Rhada’s been committing incest by way of sleeping with Gordon, aka Minos’ son, since the bronze age so.)

I mean, I probably overuse Toby quotes, but tbh I actually can’t think of something I overuse too much. Huh.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I’ve already done this a lot (I’m actually answering this last because I’m trying to think of my favourite here), and. Hmmm. Honestly, I’m gonna go with IKM Minos, because while I have rambled about him before, only in DMs, and I haven’t talked about IKM much yet.

The thing is, I know as much about him as y’all who follow the series do. He’s very quiet in my headspace, and only ever comes out when I sit down and write him. But he’s four things. Four things, completely at odds with each other, and yet completely in harmony. He’s a griffon, he’s a Spectre, he’s noble, he’s feral. And everything he is can be summed up in those four traits.

He’s a griffon, to start. Half cat, half bird. All the casual arrogance of cats, all the flock behaviour of a bird, all the loyalty, all the insistence to guard. That’s what griffons do. They guard. And that’s his fundamental beginning: he’s a griffon, once you strip everything else away from him.

On top of that, he’s a Spectre. He’s casually cruel and vicious, very traumatized (how, I don’t know, he won’t tell me), he’s a strategist, he prioritizes his own survival but looks out for the others in his division, and he’s very very choosy about who he trusts to not hurt him, who he trusts he won’t hurt on purpose.

Then, his demon star, Nobility. This comes from the Age of Myth. He’s at ease with humans, can interact well with them, can slip around their social etiquette with grace, despite being nothing like them. He’s a little bit chivalrous, has honour enough, tries not to get too messy, actually does have a moral compass of sorts.

Lastly, he’s feral. Wild. Untethered and unforgiving and free. This is the opposite of his demon star, yes. But it is what he is, and he has no issues stripping free of his fancy clothes and running naked through the mud with nothing but fur to cover him and howling at the moon as he rips through prey with his teeth.

Seems contrary, and indeed, he’s a very contrary person. The real joy in how those go together.

A griffon Spectre means he’ll guard his division. He doesn’t need to love them to have no option but to guard and protect them. He’s the leader of the flock, and he’ll do what needs doing. He’s cruel, he’s responsible, and he does what he needs to. This ties in well with Nobility, his star, because he has enough of a moral compass to know when he has to sacrifice someone, and how to feel bad about it, while his Spectreness allows him to not feel as bad about it as he could.

Naturally, most of the time, he’s noble, a bit fussy and imperious, likes his poetry as a way of speaking. But the more he’s hurt, the angrier he is, the more upset he is, that stripes away into his feral nature. His nobility is a mask and a shield for his true nature: simply a wild griffon, untethered by any rules and unforgiving to any that meet him. I’ll explore this part a bit further later on as this is the part of him that Alba really falls in love with, but this is where his personality begins to really shine. That duality between his noble, imperious nature and his honest, wild self.

He’s a hard as fuck character to write. But oh, I love the results.

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

As answered previously, I Have No Fucking Idea But Probably Anime.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

As also answered previously, yes, because I have no other choice if I want to see my damn rarepairs most of the time, and I enjoy doing so because I like most of my fics.

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

I answered last time as Rose’s story, but I checked my spreadsheet for what I’d forgotten and gold star me, I forgot about one I really do want to talk about: the TLC version of Seanan McGuire’s Every Heart a Doorway as a long fic! Harry Potter AUs are out. Wayward Children AUs are in as fuck.

What I know is that Aiolos and Aiolia run a school like Eleanor does. It may be located not far from Sagiverse’s Saint Shion’s University, probably Academia Terrestria. Most of the cast is TLC, Golds and Spectres mostly. It follows the adventures of one young Sasha, kicked out of her world by Hades himself after going mostly all the way through the plot of TLC itself, as she deals with coming back without her brother - a possibility she’d already made peace with - but with him still in Sanctum Greece, out and committing mass murder - the part she isn’t cool with.

She walks in during the first few chapters to meet Aiolia just as Minos - from a high Nonsense, high Wicked world where everything is the theatre and the rules make you think it’s Logic and it’s not - bolts across the room, swings a grappling hook around the chandelier, and scales the wall in the nick of time before Pandora throws her trident at him. They’re roommates. Pandora’s from Prism, Kade’s world, as the Goblin Princess so she is understandably wanting Minos dead here.

Sasha blinks, immediately goes on the defensive because hello, two Spectres, but neither know who the hell she is. Lia takes her with him as he negotiates getting Minos into the tower room with Albafica, from the Moors where he and his dad fend off vampires with a strain of woody rose poison they put into their blood, and then puts Sasha in with Pandora, who helps her figure out that just because she knows all of these faces and names doesn’t make them the same people. (This is after watching her freak out over Minos and Alba sharing a room, because she watched them kill each other.)

And then like two weeks later Alone shows up, immediately throws himself at the Dragon Prince Rhadamanthys, who is sixteen and doesn’t know how to handle a small child without a tail and shares the attic with Aiacos, who lived in a world of fire and brimstone and light and wind, moderate Virtue, moderate Logic. Sasha freaks out, Pandora sits on her, and it is discovered not that long later that Alone brought Hades with him.

I have no idea what the plot is past that point. I figure I’ll be asking Zander or another system how I should best write Alone and Hades, which is a standard possession that I want to be thinly-veiled multiplicity, because really those two things are the damn same from where I’m standing and that would be cool.

I’ll write it when I’ve got a plot. Gah.

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Oh abso-goddamn-lutely. I finally figured out how to show and not tell so much, and how to vaguely fix my biggest problem that I had forever: expanding individual threads so I didn’t rush everything. Now that I’ve figured out how to do that, I’m pretty sure I could redline for another writer struggling with the same thing. One of the bits of advice someone said that really fixed my writing was the idea of one, ‘always name at least two sensory details in every paragraph’, and two, ‘for the next six months never write ‘they saw that’ ‘they felt like’ ‘they wanted to’ etc etc, and find a way to say that without saying that, take no shortcuts and never say it outright’. Once you understand why they’re telling you to do that, you can go do it again and avoid the purple prose, but it teaches you how to expand things.

Instead of just going ‘he was sad’, if you can’t say that, then what ends up happening is that you quietly restate he was sad by referencing it in his every action. Body language. Tone of voice. Show don’t tell is advice that works great with examples. Take out every ‘they were’ ‘they saw’ ‘they felt’ and you have no choice but to show it without telling it. And it makes your writing so much stronger.

Another thing I learned was that a Mary Sue isn’t a level one character, they’re a level twenty in a level-three-recommended story. Their backstory is their plotline. This one I learned from Betsy Lee, with No Evil versus Brother Swan- specifically, Ozma Angeline. Look at her child form. Now look at her adult. Her adult is the perfect idea of an edgy Mary Sue. But it’s clear the moment you see her child form, that her every adornment was gained after she first appeared. She wasn’t born that way. Every mark she has is a part of her story. I first met Angel in NE, and I got to know her. Then I saw her in BS and I was like “is that fucking Angel???” and suddenly everything made sense. That’s a well-written character. Sure, we see fuckall of her arc, but that’s when I finally understood how to write a powerful character without making them a Mary Sue. Because nothing stands in the way of a Mary Sue, they never struggle. You set the Mary Sue as their endgame, twenty years after the series ends, and you’re golden.

The last thing I really learned that helped me so much owes itself to Seanan McGuire, of course the Toby books. Specifically: Luna Torquill. This is where I learned that allies become enemies offscreen if they want to, and how to give your side characters a true arc without ever giving them the spotlight. Toby characters don’t feel like they’re just waiting for Toby herself to check in with them. They go do their own stuff when she’s not there, and actively get more development offscreen without ever feeling out of character. Luna is the most obvious example, but Sylvester, Antigone, Tybalt, and Cass all do it too. Actually, the only one who didn’t was Connor and he died and I didn’t like him anyway. Luna really showed me how to bring my side characters to life, and in that understanding helped me really get how to write a character arc.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Sneaking in metaphors and foreshadowing and recurring motifs and parallels, and doing so accidentally because I’m just that good. /lh No really, I love having parallels and shit in my writing that make me look smarter than I am, because most all of them are accidental and I only notice after someone points it out. I look like a genius. I’m bullshitting it the entire way. But when I do actively do it, and it works out, I like it even more. I love hiding little things that reinforce the storyline and atmosphere and add a deeper meaning to my work.

Like, for example. In Aeternum, specifically As We Watch The Hourglass, Tsuko pointed out that the state of the boiler room perfectly represents Minos’ mental state. She’s fine, she’s fixing things, and then outside circumstances causes her to fall apart and Alba just attempts to patch it up enough that it’s vaguely safe enough to work with, but still very very fragile and prone to collapsing at any second. Add in that she’s an engineer and this is her specialty and biggest talent, and it seems like a super cool parallel to do, especially since I really like reflecting my characters in the world around them.

It was completely accidental. I wanted to show that her sadism that canon Minos has is in there, that she isn’t totally OOC and just hasn’t yet become more like her canon form (he’s more traumatized and has gone down a path she’s only inching onto at the moment), but I also wanted them to get a damn bath so Alba could bitch about his hair, while showing that Minos is actually surprisingly useful. In order to do that, I needed the boiler room, I needed to show her fragility, and then I needed to show what was underneath that. And then I needed the threat gone so they could do other shit. In order to make that realistic, I forced her to not panic about it even though she really wanted to, and Alba did a shoddy job because we gave him like an hour and he’s running on little food and less sleep. That was it, that was my entire thought process. And on the page, there’s symbolism that makes me look smart.

When I go to rewrite Aeternum, I’ll be showing more of their early relationship, so she actually is useless onscreen for a bit, so the scene has more oomph when surprise, she has talents after all. (Later those talents will prove very important, but I haven’t written that part yet and won’t for a while.)

So yeah. Accidental symbolism. I love doing that shit.

#asks #anonymous #saint seiya #thank you very much!!!#Anonymous

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fnaf-sxc · 5 years ago

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Any thoughts on, what you'll do with the unfinished M!As that you have on here?

FUCK

TL:DR: I might scrap the Magic Anons that are unfinished, I want to rework old ideas and comics but not make major changes to the AU, Im waiting for Security Breach for an idea I have.

Long ver under the cut:

I’ve re-reading parts of my AU to unlock the plot of them from my memories, its been interesting and some-what cringe worth it, mostly because my english was bleeagghhh, somewhat worst to the level I have now (?) I still dont know the time verbs but jfc sometimes the english text was literally a spanish phrase, that only sound good in spanish.

There are also some topics in the AUs that I felt I did poorly, because I was younger and way inexperienced in storytelling... still, I still love a lot of things I did for the AU and even when there are some I wish i didnt implemented, I had fun

I am currently reworking the first meeting of Dark and Spring in a mini comic format because HOLY that is an old comic and is show poorly (i dont know if i should go with gijinka, animatronic or the furry ver (?))

As for Magic Anons... mhhhh

I quickly check just now and... well, is complicated, because retake them would mean reconect with the original ideas i had before and like i said, i didnt like how i introduced and potrayed some things, specially in The Spin Set, which was the first AU I did 100% myself, without talking and rambling to a friend to collectivelly make ideas... and I feel im weak when I do ideas on my own jklaghsjkd

The M!A that are left are Phantoms in the Room (pretty light hearted, nowhere to go), Big Bun (lighthearted, nowhere to go), Dominant (im somewhat uncomfy with this, nowhere to go) and Age Storm, which for some reason I begin to add actual plot to The Spin Set to it and because I begin to make it heavier, I begin to ignore the main plot jkhaskdas.

At first M!A were supposed to be a lighthearted escape from the AUs, unpredicteable and overall fun, but after I completed one and read it in one go I re-read it and is very messy chronologically, things happen too slow or too fast, there is nothing planned so is super weird and I didnt like that, so I begin to use M!S and try to think on a plot and make the asks interact and guide it, but I knew what story I wanted to tell and what I had to do. Which is why I also add rules to the ask and overall ignore thoses who were trying to gain control over what I was showing, what I was telling.

If anything this is the main base of the Sonic AU project im currently working, im telling a story, i know whats going to happen and what will happen, and people can send asks and interact, but never interfeer. I am the puppet master, and as much people want to take the lead and make me change the story, they cant.

I guess I complitelly broke the whole magic of the Magic Anons heh, but it was because It made me uncomfy to not be in control of my own story, and make a flip-flop comic had make no sence when I finished it.

I used to had in mind “how do I make a comic that people like enough to want to do a comic dub about it?” and work towards that idea, make comics that were insteresting, had a structure and look atractive (as much as it can being a plain doodle and not fullcolor).... I even make a few myself to fullfill that desire I had. This is a problem I still had till today, I know it sounds selfish when I write it and people read it, but it was like a “personal goal”, the “reach this level of professionalism in your work”.

I dont think I want to retake the 5(6?) AUs I worked on originally, the whole “Silververse”, at least not with how they are currently. Like I said, there were choices I made that I didnt like when I re-read them, but i still have some nostalgia about it.

I know The Fright is the only AU that has an end (which is not very good written im so sorry I wish i could write), Nightmare World never got to the endgame since I could never fully work on Nightmare/Golden relationship, their toxicity and their redemption to start like a healthy couple, The Spin Set has 2 endings and the more I remember them, the more I realize I had to do a lot to even get to the endgame stage, I never get to fully work on Purgatory Simulator and UCN is a whole new thing that I want to work on in the future.

There are 2 things I regret that I did a lot in the AUs and is hightly tied to how emotionally inmature I was back in 2015-2016, but I dont want to enter in discussion, All i want to say is that I can make it better, I can make it great.

I want to give closure but I cant in the current state things are, I need to fix but note errase the original aura this had. And with my FNaF hype back bc all it took was see the FNaF AR animatronics move like animatronics (bc this series at some point stop being about animatronics and more about “What did Mr Afton did now?????”), I want to work on things.

Here is the plan I have:

I want to rework a few comics, maybe not all of them, but a few, maybe add a few more to patch parts of the story I felt needed to be fixed.The Fright had ended, I could pulish it. Nightmare World never reach endgame even with all the backstory of the nightmares, I could make it happen. The Spin Set needed more development before I reach the 2 endings, I could make that happen, even better to what I had in mind before. Purgatory Simulator could be a short AU comparated to The Spin Set, but dense and straight to the point, and it would be great.

But that takes time, a lot of time, specially when Im just entering the world of being a freelancer, not having a stable job to sustent myself, and a lot of different projects Im working on and I dont want to leave behind. But i could do it, if you believe in me and have patience that I always come back, I could do it.

I also want to have fun, and not tie myself to anything.

On the other hand... I had an idea for another AU that includes UCN, FNAF VR, FNAF AR and the upcoming FNAF SB. It wouldnt be part of “Silververse” because the end of thoses is FNAF SL and FNAF 6, not a continuation as there would be too many timelines, but a frash start on another verse... this time in hands of another Nightmare Puppet, not Nightmarionne.

I have ideas, i’ve working on designs of thoses games for fun and to check if it could work, but I cannot do much till the new game is out. Its an idea I would like to do, and if I fail well, at least I will make comics about it.

So yeah- sorry for the long explanation/rant, Mr Hippo is my spirit animal (?). I guess this was a weight i begin to carry since 2016, the “work on too many things and only about one series” expecting to have something in return, so when my Sonic Forces art begin to have that recognition I lean more on that side.

But you know what? I graduated as an Illustrator, and along all thoses years I connected to the idea that I draw to make myself happy, and make people happy is such a bonus that makes me more happy.

I love FNaF, I dont have to tie and restrict myself for something I love, love is free and I can perfectly draw and be into something for months and then move to a different place, as long as it makes me happy.

And as long you sitll have fun with my content, things will be okay

#fnaf sxc

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

Text

Survey #268

“i got a switchblade wit that cuts like a bitch, and i think you two should meet.”

What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? Jason and I knew each other like... I think two or three weeks? We clicked so fast. Are you a fan of inside jokes or do you tend to stay away from them? I... don't feel a particular way? Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? No, I'm not into theater. Which movies currently out in theaters do you want to see? I don't know what's in theaters right now, but I don't think anyone does rn lol. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? If it's seriously incessantly, yes. There's not a lot you can say to have a conversation when they just ramble about the person, especially when you don't even know the partner. How close would you say you are to your relatives? Not very. What’s your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why? Well, I'd assume my parents will be dead by that point, so. Probably my best friend. If you play the Sims games, which one is your favorite? I've only ever played Sims Animals, which I looooved back in the past. I haven't played it in years, though. If your parents searched your room, would they be mad at what they’d find? No. Ever taken a picture kissing somebody? Yes. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night? Morning is a great start to the day, but only after your teeth are brushed. I cannooooot do morning breath. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? Aggressive. I am such a sub lmao. How serious are your feelings for the person you like? I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWWWW Ever had your driver's license suspended? Don't have mine to begin with. Does the person you like know that you like them? Yes. How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Somewhat rarely lately, less than I did some months back. I would read some pretty big chunks. When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? LMAOOOOOOOOO I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that's like, a daily occurrence. What small things have the ability to get under your skin? I'm trying to think of something I haven't said before, but I'm not sure. OH, it may seem like a small thing, but letting balloons go outside. It's littering. Many end up in the ocean. What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? A car ride riding shotgun with music blaring. I fucking love it. What was the last big change through which you went? Some moral beliefs altered. ^ Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? Fuck no. It blows up my anxiety. How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I used to feel kinda guilty, and I actually still do, but it's more subdued. It's just too normal by now, to the point when I'm bored, I sometimes briefly forget there are other things to do that aren't on the computer. God it's sad. What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? I'M BIG SCARED OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm really understanding and can relate to people's pain well. What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? Christ, a lot. My room is STUFFED with decorations that make me happy. There's posters, some artwork, all my Silent Hill game cases or manuals + more SH stuff, meerkats galore, Venus is in here, I have this "shrine" for Teddy... I've got a load of stuff. What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? I love a lotta stuff, ig. Animals, music, dark stuff, games. When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? UMMMMM I should have a question for this fucking immediately. I'm sure it was something when I was at Ashley's inlaws for Mother's Day. What is something about which you are very confident or self-assured? My knowledge of meerkats lmaooo. Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? FUCKIN ANXIETY. Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I love love love giving compliments!! When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Hm. I guess nightmares where I literally flail and attack shit while shrieking. Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I dress entirely for myself. What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? Binge music I can relate to. Which can make it worse, but sometimes helps. I'll usually get to the point of being teary and cry a bit, but then I start feeling better. Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? I guess it's not really an... insult, per se, but I hear "you're too quiet!" all the time. What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? Everything happens for a reason. Nope. What is something you hope you never have to do again? Deal with another Jason-level heartbreak. Of the many different American accents, which one is your favorite? I'm actually not sure. Not a fan of any that I can think of. Do you know anyone who had a kid before they were financially stable? Oh yeah, plenty normal nowadays. Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Yes, the pink bead necklace from my sister's baby shower for Emerson. Sometimes I hang my purse there too. Why did you move to where you're living now? We got evicted for not being able to keep up with rent and needed a cheap but semi-decent place to live. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? I remember I was grounded from the computer for at least a week, maybe more. My punishment was always taking technology away and/or spanked or popped on the arm. I remember she once hit my arm so damn hard that I had her handprint there for a while. My mom was horrible at *keeping* me and my sisters grounded, though; she'd normally calm down within a few days and things would return to normal. What was the topic of conversation the last time you spoke to a sibling? Ummm I don't remember. I should, I saw one just a couple days ago. Are you currently looking for a new job? I don't have a job currently, but while Mom has cancer and surgery coming up, I'm not really looking, but pondering opportunities. She'd have to drive me, which just can't be done right now, and I'm also not comfortable leaving her home alone right now. Who is the person you are the closest to? (emotionally, not physically) Mom. What was the last caffeinated drink you had? Do you drink this often? Strawberry Sunkist, and ugh, too much lately. Whose photo did you last look at? I was on Facebook a bit ago, so someone's on there. Who was the last person to pick you up? You mean like, physically? I don't know, probably Girt because he got a kick out of our height difference and he would do that when we hugged. What are you wearing around your neck? Nothing right now. Have you accidentally mistaken a stranger for someone you know? Oh my god, yes. I did that at the tattoo parlor once at a guy that looked like my sister's ex, who I got along with well. He looked at me like "uhhhhh" and it will haunt me forever. Who did you last blow a kiss at? Venus. I do that and wave a lot when she comes out of her hide and looks my way. Have you ever seen lava in real life? No. Who did you last bite? Um I don't just casually go around biting people lmao. Probably Jason. Do you remember the date of your prom? Ha, it's honestly surprising to me that I don't recall the date of either, considering how I remember, y'know, a weird amount of obscure details through our entire time knowing each other. Was your last kiss long and sensual or short and sweet? Why’s that? Short and sweet, because it was just a goodbye kiss. When kissing, do you like to be on top or bottom? Good Lord, am I a bottom. I hated being on top because I felt he had a better view of me and my body, and I was self-conscious as shit even when I was fit. Does your boyfriend/husband know what size your boobs are? UHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't have a boyfriend but I've sure never actually talked about it with any. Do you have hair extensions or do you think those are strictly for the scene kids? ..... No? I don't wear extensions, never have, but wearing them doesn't tie you to a label??? List all the things you have from your boyfriend at your house right now? Not everyone has a boyfriend, friend. Last time you exercised and for how long? I DON'T WANT TO THINK OF THIS lkja;dslkfjwe Last girl who called you hot/sexy/something else of the sort? I shared a picture of myself on Facebook for once just the other day, so let's so. *checks* HAHA MY MOM. #1 cheerleader, friends. OH I should probably clarify she said "gorgeous," but I guess that counts? Was she hitting on you? Jfc no. Last guy who called you hot/sexy/something else of the sort? Does getting a comment from Ian of a Spongebob screenshot of Squidward with heart eyes count? lol Was HE hitting on you? *shrugs* He's very open with sharing love for his friends though, so it very well could've been just friendly support. Have you ever taken the 5,000 question survey? Parts of it, and God did it get stupid. What would you do if your boyfriend/husband got drafted into war tomorrow? I. Am single. And not everyone. Is interested in guys. But hypothetically, I would fucking panic. I physically wouldn't be able to handle an s/o in the army; I would constantly, absolutely constantly, be actively fearful. We'd have to find a way to get him out of it. Has a guy ever touched your butt without permission? If so, how did this make you feel? I don't believe so, thank God. How many formal dresses do you own? Sun-dresses? I have two prom dresses (which I'm finally comfortable enough to get rid of at some point) and I think like... one or two other black knee-length dresses that I could now never fit into? What do you hope you grow out of? Social anxiety. It ruins many parts of my life. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthy? Oh fuck. I, uh, usually have one bottle of water, I guess? Unhealthy, definitely drink soda. I need to stop. When looking for a SO, what three things are most important (besides looks)? Kindness, patience, and compassion or understanding. How much do you judge a person by their appearance? Define "judge" here. Like, I can conclude someone is impoverished or well off in many cases, but I don't judge them as people. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Hm. I'm unsure. What is the strangest habit you have? I don't think I have odd habits. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook or Old Yeller, I think. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Realizing I was getting a dog for Christmas. Fuck, I miss Teddy. What belief do you have that most people disagree with? I'd rather not get political right now. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? I fucking hate admitting it, but Jason. The last thing he told me was to stop saying "I'll try" but rather "I will," and I actually recently almost had a breakdown about it because I shouldn't put SO much value into what he says, make it holy "rules." I treat him like a god in so many ways. Still, in my stupid head, his word is law. I still want to make him so proud. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? Long-distance was getting extremely hard, but I think the bigger factor was that we both have problems we need to work on before we can properly support one another. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) I guess... no. I'd be too afraid of it being any worse than it already feels. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? Political and religious beliefs I don't at all like admitting I had. Where would you like to retire? Hell if I know, that's a long whiles away. What brings you the most joy in life? Oh yikes. Family and close friends, probs. What was the last song that got stuck in your head? "Blush" by Jeffree Star is on repeat ahhhh What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Drawing people. I don't really do it BECAUSE I'm not very good. In art in general, I have a hard time with proportions. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, a lotta other fruits, broccoli, there are these granola and cashew bars I LOVE, salad can be good, scrambled eggs... now I'm blanking. Like there are a lot of foods that can be on either end of the spectrum, depending on how they're prepared. Do you ever eat dry cereal as a snack to munch on? Any particular kind? No, generally too crunchy and dry. When you run out of something to drink & are thirsty, are you quick to retrieve a new beverage or are you lazy about it? It depends on how thirsty I am and what I'm doing at that moment. What is your favorite part of a slice of pizza? BITCH all of that motherfucker. What was the longest power outage you ever experienced? Two or so days. I was so, so scared for Venus because it was in the winter. Poor girl was scared. I had to let her inside my hoodie and shirt to use my warmth for a lengthy period at a time, there were blankets draped over her terrarium... I was genuinely afraid she was going to die. But nope, my baby is good and thriving. :'D Do you believe that children should do all of the chores around the house, or do you think the parents should do them? Or do you have an entirely different opinion? As someone who was raised with chores poorly enforced and now I suck at doing them, they should ABSOLUTELY be a required thing. Children shouldn't do *all* the chores though, of course, especially those involving serious chemicals. Have you ever painted a pet’s nails, or known someone that has done such? Do you think that is cruel? I haven't, but I suppose it depends on whether it's toxic or not and if the animal doesn't mind? I do know people who have. What is something you did as a child that you didn’t realize back then was “wrong”, if anything? I didn't know interracial relationships were perfectly fine. It's funny, I don't recall me seeing black as any less than whites, I just thought it wasn't supposed to happen. Being raised in the South does that, ig. Do you get an excessive amount of bug bites during spring/summertime? Are you one to itch constantly or can you control yourself? No, I've heard because I have A-type blood. Whenever my sister (O-type) and I used to play outside, she would always come in COVERED in mosquito bites, and she's still a magnet for them today. Supposedly bugs don't prefer A, but O the most. I do itch, though. Holy shit, do I itch. Do you own any sports equipment [balls, basketball goals, mitts, etc] that you rarely use? No. Could you ever willingly hunt down & shoot an innocent animal for sport? Over my dead fucking body. Would you be uncomfortable changing someone else’s baby’s diaper? Ugh, I have twice I believe, and I hated it. Have/would you ever want to own a pet frog, or do you think they would be too boring? I don't think I've ever caught and kept one? I don't mind "boring" pets, I just don't desire one. What internet/television provider do you use? Fucking CenturyLink. Stay away from it. Are you uncomfortable going out in public with leg stubble? Even if it’s so light that no one would notice it unless they were looking for it? That much, no. Now I literally haven't shaved my legs in over a whole year because it's not like anyone sees them, but holy fuck would I be mortified if someone did lol. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. I'm terrified to because of tornados. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. What’s your favorite piece of furniture in your house? ...? If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd want to, but it'd be Mom's decision. Favorite type of cracker: Cheez-Its. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders, especially when they're making their webs.

#survey #surveys #questions

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lexiy-dreyar · 5 years ago

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new enemies, old faces

chapter 4

((Let me point out that some of these moments might need a visual reference so if you could tell me which line I will add some illustration

the boy looked at the blonde confused "what it's not like you haven't ever heard me say sorry before" he hissed "yeah but when did you start saying it takes me? Normally your all"

-put a sock in it blonde- -quit your whining and move- -aww you gonna cry about?- -stop bitching and let's go-

Void looked at her in disbelief "do you really think that low of me that you don't think it's me when I apologize to you for once!? Fucking bitch…" he grumbled "what you say?!" Lex yelled "you heard me!!" Void shouted back. And thus they began to fight.

_-------------_

Star deadpand for a second "I get the feeling Lex and void are fighting…."she sighs like the disappointed parent she is "well you should have expected that it's those two childish fucks"frosghen rolled her eyes "your just as worse with Lila" Obara bluntly added

"THAT FUCKING PATHER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS" frosghen shouted at Obara "see what I mean?..."Obara looked to the side…"I'm worried about gem.."he mumbled "huh why?" Nikita's brother added "she's the only one of us besides Lex and Chara who can revive someone" he muttered "why not have lex do it?" The frog whined "cuz it's more likely to fail and kill lex as well you know how her magic works" the younger blonde stated out "still chara's magic is stronger ‘then gem's" the brother mumbled sitting a bit closer to star "yeah but she's the one that killed him!" Cherry said "Hmm b-but maybe she could.." the brother looked down "that doesn't matter as long as gem's trying to revive him it'd be good enough for now" star sighed

_unfortaly over with gem_

The purplett looked at the deceased boy in front of her she's tried all her life spells trying to bring him back but failed. On the floor holding her hands panting trying to get them to de crystalized

"d-dammit.. what the hell is blocking my magic" she groaned trying to get up "...nkita I know you can hear me..you may not have a heartbeat but I know you can hear me….why did you run….all because Lizzy found out about what you did?... because they were all judging you casting you out for it?? You know if you just stayed by us we could have explained things to them..plus then you were blindly in love with Chara..the funny thing is when ever you were on missions Chara would be worried.. always a bit slow on her work. This sad look on her face, not the 'talk back to me and your as good as dead' look, haha it was so cute to see her having other emotions besides anger and annoyance...maybe you would have gotten that hug one day…" the below stopped her rambling "it hurts you know…. I've known you the longest out of every one here besides frosghen...you could have talked to me...I know deep down you wanted Chara to push you off hell that is what you wanted isn't it! AFTER SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE OVER AND OVER AGAIN" the girl snaps.

"did you not care about what she did for you then?...back at that lab…..the one you father controlled…"the one you wanted to be free from to make new friends….find a better life for your brother and cousin... unfortunately you failed...now your cousin's resting in the sky with all the other angles" she softly reached her hand up "I wonder what it's like there...no worries...no rules...no pain….no guilt. Heh" she smiled darkly "so many so greedy to get into heaven... willing to try so many things to get there~ hahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA THEY'LL ALL DIE BY MY HANDS SO FOOLISH" the girl proceeded to have a laughing fit "ahhh mortals are so fun to play around with" she sighed rolling onto her back "hmmm so..sleepy"she slowly closed her eyes falling asleep.

(In case you didn't notice gem got possessed by her greed)

_-------------------------_

Panting covered in bruises sweating staring intensely at each other. The blonde stands up straight wiping away the blood spilling a bit out of her mouth "tch Damm you void" she growls "right back at yeah..but we gotta get to where I said we needed to be"the black head groaned slowly getting up. The blonde pulled her hair back into a ponytail "about that what's going on why did you drag me out so quickl-" "remember those ruins? Of where we found her?" Void asks

"her…? Who?" She asks "HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER!?!!" Void shouted at her. Wondering about short term memory "don't you remember the last time you almost die?" He asked her. She placed her thumb on her chin

"uuuuummmmmmmmmmmm……yes????????" She said very confused trying to convince the black hole "JFC lex. Ok rembere that jerk girl who tried taking gem as her own" void pointed out "Ohhhhhh that bitch"lex scoffed "why didn't you just say s-" "OH FUCK OFF" void shouted at her grabbing her shirt "this isn't the time to play around! Someone we know died and we did nothing!!" He glared at her, "what the hell could we have done!!? We were still looking for him!" Lex argued "what about your God Damm nose you didn't use it till later you could have done it sooner!!" "We-" "hmhmmmmm~ I see you two haven't changed a bit" a voice said, "who the hell are you" he growled letting go of the blonde "show yourself!!" She added clenching her fist.

"Aww don't tell me you forgot about little old me lovely lex~" the voice said getting closer. "What..no way…" lex lowered her guard for a bit "shit it's him let's go" void whispered "aww so soon it's been forever since I've seen you two~" the voice said slowly surrounding the two in a dark mist. Void quickly stood in front of the blonde

”STAY BACK” he shouted 'wait what the hell am I doing?' he thought as he blushed "v-void?" Lex muttered blushing a bit "just stay close to me" he whispered to her "the last time I did that... nevermind"she looked down "guess we'll have to fight are way out" they said at the same time.

{{Ehh I guess I'll leave it there this chapter is quite confusing XD

#fairy tail oc #lexiy drayer #star drayer #void-senpai #obara #cherry #no fandom oc's #nkita #gem #frosghen #nkita's still dead #void x lex

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serbrienneoftarth · 6 years ago

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GoT 8x4 Jaime/Brienne Thoughts

Please have my still incredibly disjointed order incomplete ramblings post 8x4. My apologies for how I’m not even bothering to edit this, I’m sick of looking at it now lmao.

I am of course missing so many things, there is so much to cover and I’ll never manage to get it all in one go. I’m only going to cover Brienne and Jaime related things here, but I’m glad to chat about the rest of it outside of this post.

There are things I did not necessarily enjoy within the episode. I would have written it quite differently, but as a whole, I’m not as mad at it as I know much of the fandom is.

What I am irritated with is mostly due to the way things were written and presented rather than the actual series of events.

This is honestly part of the scenario that I have always said would be my want for a canon ending. While I would love a happily ever after, I have never thought that I was going to get it in any way. Realistically the narrative supporting anything of the sort isn’t going to happen. If they offer it, I’m gonna take it happily lol. But let’s be real, one of the two of them is likely to die by the end. They have always been heading in the direction to be together. But I have long since assumed that it would also be ill-fated.

My want for an end to their story has always been something along the lines of Jaime and Brienne briefly realising they wanted one another and being together for whatever amount of time during the war. I have always expected that Jaime would then go back to Cersei, not necessarily to either be with her or to murder her perhaps to try to convince her to give up or to aid in her removal from the throne. And then he’d possibly die with her, though not necessarily intentionally. Brienne would mourn him heavily, but she would understand that he couldn’t have stayed no matter what she said. And in mourning him she would come to find that she was carrying his child. She would lose Jaime, but she would have a physical reminder that he loved her once too. Brienne would then have the heir she hadn’t ever married for. The child would perhaps be legitimized a Tarth, though she would never deny who was her child’s father. And if she had Tarth to go back to she might, and if not she would spend the rest of her days at Winterfell.

I know. I’m used to that being an unpopular want for a ship.

*cracks knuckles* Let’s get into the events of the episode.

I’m incredibly pleased that Jaime and Brienne became canon in a sexual sense. I wouldn’t have written it the way it happened. But I have some thoughts on it as it is. The problem with television is that often times everything is cheapened for a laugh. And the way they presented it as Jaime stumbling in drunk does that. Though Brienne is far soberer than I think people assumed. And while some of the chemistry is missing between the actors in the scene, the fact that Brienne is confused and a little scared makes that a little easier to take. She is very bold in her actions in the scene, undressing Jaime and herself with really no hesitation. They’ve seen each other unclothed before, take care of each other, in the past and recently, that isn’t where hesitation would be anyway. She trusts his sincerity but is unsure of his intentions because for her it’s all very new. Until he lifts onto his toes to kiss her (which was also played for the laughs *sigh*), it wasn’t quite yet real.

Asleep in her bed, Brienne is quite content, and Jaime then looks restless. I’d expect him to be. Not necessarily because he regrets it. (Please note for all I know he is and canonically Brienne is terrible in bed lmao.) This is the first time that he’s been with a woman other than Cersei. For 40 years he has loved the same woman and never strayed. His relationship status is a recent change even if it’s been a long time coming. And Jaime still thinks that Cersei is pregnant with his child. (Is she? Who knows at this point. I’ve stopped guessing.) Perhaps it’s long enough later that he’s fully sober, woke up for a glass of water, and has a headache and feels guilty for how he initiated the whole thing. But regardless, I’d expect him to have a lot on his mind.

At this point, I’d almost skip commentary on Tyrion and Jaime’s conversation, but really Tyrion? A couple of days earlier he was respectful and then this episode he’s back to his drunken little beast persona. What’s she like down there Jaime? What sort of answer is he even looking for here? (Jaime: Like Highgarden. Tyrion: Super gay? Full of thorned bushes? Jaime: No, now that I’ve plundered it I’m back off to see Cersei.)

So here is where I complain about the shit was this show portrays the passage of time, it’s all over the place. But I’m going to say at this point now Brienne and Jaime have been lovers for weeks, a month, maybe more. At least by the time he leaves.

On Jaime leaving…

I fully expect to find out something has happened off camera, more than just Jaime finding out what he did from the raven that Sansa received. But until we know, it doesn’t yet apply.

Cersei has done something to anger Daenerys more than she had been, Jaime knows that Tyrion will not be able to temper his dragon queen and that Cersei’s life is likely now forfeit pregnant or not. And how can Jaime allow that to happen without doing something? Even if he doesn’t love her the same way now, even if he left, Cersei is still a woman he has loved his whole life and she is carrying his baby. He still loves her in some ways and nobody should expect him to be able to just turn that off with a switch.

And beyond that, he knows what she is capable of. I’m not going to call her mad, because I think she is smart and strategic and that people let their dislike of her colour their views of her as a whole. But she has limited things left to lose, and if she has to, she is capable of great destruction. And Jaime has always made himself invested in the city, he ruined his reputation for it.

We don’t know what didn’t get shown between Jaime and Brienne. But I don’t think he has ever told her about the baby. I don’t think Brienne would have even tried to stop him if he had. She tells him that he cannot save her and that he’s better than Cersei. But canonically she doesn't know Cersei or her life and what drives her to her decisions. And I personally would say Brienne would understand parts of her if she did. And anyway, I think that if she knew why Jaime needed to leave, beyond him pushing her away with ugly words, she might have said give me a half an hour, we’ll both go. It’s not that he’s leaving at all, but she knows that he’s throwing away his life to go. Brienne knows that if he leaves he’s going to die. But he doesn’t tell her anything and instead he pushes her away and breaks her heart and leaves alone.

Fuck, I half want Brienne to just tear out of Winterfell after Jaime and be like no, you're going back and that's fine, but you aren't going alone. I’d do it.

He was an idiot. But Brienne will always love Jaime even if he goes back to Cersei, if he dies or doesn't. And she will NEVER hold love against him. You don't get rid of love for anyone so easily. Neither one of them.

Jaime Lannister and his lack of honest communication jfc.

Maybe he did the best thing he thought he could for her, which was to make her hate him a little bit. Or maybe he just hates himself a little for it. For all he cannot be yet, if ever. He is still tied to Cersei and her fate, he’s not free yet.

I'd have preferred if he had said I love you in a clear conversation on screen, but I think he still doesn't trust that it can last either. That he can have happiness. Jaime was awake and watching her. Not with what I think are regrets for loving her, but just a lot of things he hasn't said. And things he has to do still. He's not free yet at all. He’s with her, but his head and his sense of duty are still somewhere else too. He had a taste of a normal life with Brienne, loving someone openly. Because I have no doubt that he loves Brienne and loves her still. But it couldn't last for him at that moment. So much remains unfinished. And now it might always be.

#jaime x brienne #got spoilers #got season 8 #{ otp; i dreamed of you } ♥♥ { brienne x jaime }#{ the name was a knife twisting in her belly } ☽☼ { jaime }#{ My father’s only son } ☽☼ { Brienne }#long post #1600 words of wtf bryn #i know #i'm so sorry i'm like this

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lokislytherin · 5 years ago

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나 너를 사랑해 // namjin

pairing: kim namjoon x kim seokjin, slight mentions of jikook and yoonseok

summary: a fic in which namjoon has heart cancer and seokjin’s summer job is to spend time with him

word count: 6076

a/n: this was a monster to write jfc i lowkey regret writing it in a notebook before transferring it here also i planned this to have a sad ending at first but i couldn’t bring myself to write it lol i lowkey don’t wanna break my own heart. sorry if it’s bad? i’m not exactly the best fanfic/romance writer, but i’m learning tho (i’m better at crack fics haha) also i didn’t edit this because the tumblr words on computer are so thin and hard to read

kim seokjin was bored.

it wasn’t like he had nothing to do, per se- he had to look after his younger brother taehyung, as well as work in the restaurant his parents had left him after they’d passed away within months of each other- it was that he felt like he’d lost his purpose.

“maybe you should try volunteering at the local hospital,"his friend and flatmate park jimin suggested one day, "who knows, you might even meet someone.” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

seokjin groaned, but agreed. it wasn’t like he had much else to do with his life anyway.

a few days later, seokjin found himself standing at the front desk of the hospital. "hello?“ he peered down at the beady-eyed woman sitting behind the desk. "i volunteered for the volunteer program here, do you know where i should go…?”

the receptionist glanced up at him, uncaring eyes behind thick-rimmed glasses. "name?“

"seokjin,” he said quickly, “kim seokjin.”

the receptionist turned back to her table, rifling through one of the many stacks of paper on her desk. "kim seokjin…“ she scribbled something on a post-it note and slapped it on the space in front of him. "follow the red line on the floor, and stop when you reach the room with this number,” she instructed him curtly, “you’ll be assigned a patient. or you could just ask nurse jung.”

a brief feeling of horror swept over seokjin as the fact that patients were assigned registered in his mind, but he pushed it down, thanking the receptionist instead. jimin hadn’t told him that! or maybe he’d done it on purpose, seokjin thought bitterly to himself.

he wandered down the corridors until-

“oof!”

he barely had the time to react before he was falling backwards, landing on his ass.

“sorry!” yelped a voice. "are you okay?“

seokjin groaned, staggering to his feet. "i’m fine,” he wheezed, “my ass would say otherwise, but otherwise i’m fine. besides, it’s mostly my fault fo not really looking where i was going.”

there was a loud “haha!” from the voice, which as seokjin saw, belonged to a tall young man around his age, maybe a little younger. "maybe you should use your eyes,“ the young man teased as he pushed his glasses up his nose, "they’re there for a reason, you know.”

seokjin put a hand on his chest, mockingly insulted. "shut up,“ he told the other man, "i don’t even know your name!”

the man standing in front of seokjin grinned. "i’m namjoon, kim namjoon. now you know my name!“

seokjin couldn’t help but laugh.

namjoon stared at him for a few seconds before beginning to laugh himself. "you sound like a windshield wiper!” he gasped out between snickers.

seokjin grunted, trying to reign in his blush. "yah, i know, i get that a lot.“

namjoon opened his mouth to say something else, but he was interrupted by a man in a white doctor’s coat running towards him and shouting his name. "namjoon!” the man yelled. "stop running away from your room! do you have a death wish?“

namjoon shrugged playfully. "nah, i was just bored.”

the man rolled his eyes. "you’re becoming a bad influence on jeongguk,“ he said, rubbing his temples, "he may be paralyzed from the waist down and possibly bound to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, but he’s learning to just disappear like you. i have no idea how he does it.”

namjoon laughed again, and for a brief second, seokjin felt like capturing the sound in a jar and keeping it with him forever. "i’ve taught him well, then.“

the man, who was probably namjoon’s nurse, started to lead him away. "come on, we need to get you hooked back up, you need your meds-”

“wait!” seokjin blurted. "i signed up for your volunteer thing, and i have no idea who my assigned patient is! do you happen to know where i can ask or something?“ he looked at the post-it from the receptionist. "the receptionist said go to room 314, or ask ‘nurse jung’, but i have no idea where room 314 is, or who 'nurse jung’ is.”

the nurse grinned. "well, you’re in luck! i’m jung hoseok.“ the man plucked a sheet of paper from his coat. "what’s your name?”

“kim seokjin.”

the man scanned the piece of paper for seokjin’s name! “oh! what a coincidence!” he smiled broadly. "you’re paired with namjoon! lucky me, i have to do less work, since you two are already acquainted.“ he shot namjoon an obnoxious wink. "i’ll head off now. i’m a busy man, i’ve got things to do.” he dashed off, this time yelling for jeongguk.

namjoon snorted to himself. "yoongi- whoops, dr min- he means.“

seokjin frowned. "huh?”

“hobi-hyung- aish, i keep forgetting he’s a nurse now, and not just my next door neighbor- has a crush on one of the doctors here. one of the best heart surgeons in korea, actually. dr min likes him too, but neither of them realize it. i don’t quite know what they see in each other- hoseok-hyung is always so warm and happy, but dr min is so cold and cranky.”

seokjin laughed, effortlessly keeping up with namjoon’s long strides as he led them back to his hospital room. "well then, i guess you could say they’re polar opposites.“

seokjin cackled as his own pun, earning a few judgmental glares from the nurses, doctors, patients and visitors scuttling along the corridors. one doctor gave him a particularly harsh scowl as he swished by in his white surgical coat. "what?” seokjin wheezed out between bouts of windshield wiper laughter. "that was a good pun!“

even namjoon couldn’t help but laugh. "that’s min yoongi for you.” he pushed the door of his room open. "after you, jin-hyung.“ he paused for a second. "may i call you jin-hyung, actually? it just slipped out of my mouth. i mean, it sounds nice, but i wasn’t sure if you’d mind being called jin. after all, i barely know you, we just met-”

seokjin decided to cut off namjoon’s rambling. "jin is completely fine, by the way. nobody’s ever called me that, but i like it.“ he gestured towards the door. "after you. you’re the patient, i’m just in charge of watching your back.”

namjoon shook his head. "no, you first. i’m already holding the door open for you, don’t make my efforts go to waste.“

seokjin wedged his leg between namjoon ad the door, attempting to subtly nudge the other man through the door frame. "no, after you.”

“after you!”

“no, after you!”

there was a loud “ahem!” as a young man in a wheel chair smoothly wheeled himself into the room. "after me, before joon-hyung manages to break the door handle again.“

seokjin cocked his head curiously. "how’d you manage to break a door handle?”

namjoon blushed, flustered. "it’s a long story.“

seokjin heard a familiar high pitched voice screech for jeongguk. he turned around, spotting-

"jiminnie? what are you doing here?”

namjoon turned to seokjin, a look of confusion on his face. "wait, how do you know jimin?“

"he’s my roommate!” jimin piped in, he was dripping with sweat, but seemingly unfazed by the workout he just had from chasing jeongguk around the hospital. "i told you about him, didn’t i?“

realization dawned on namjoon. "you’re that seokjin?”

seokjin, however, had a completely different response. “you talk about me behind my back? this is betrayal, jimin! betrayal!”

jimin deliberately ignored the melodramatic older man, instead focusing on helping jeongguk haul himself from his wheelchair onto his bed. seokjin realized that jeongguk was the 'cute patient’ jimin kept talking about. for a rather small guy and another guy who’d lost function of his loweer body after a car crash, they made a pretty strong couple. seokjin subtly nudged namjoon into the room, before heading in himself.

“and yes, namjoon, i am that seokjin.”

namjoon laughed, plopping himself down on one of the beds. "yeah, jin-hyung, i figured as much.“ he patted the empty space next to him. "come on, sit! i’m not a bed hogger like gukkie.”

true to namjoon’s word, jeongguk lay starfished across the bed, arms crossed under his head, long legs splayed over jimin’s lap. "it’s not my fault, hyung,“ jeongguk grumbled, "you know i can’t move my feet.” namjoon only laughed in response.

in a blink of an eye, hours had passed. jimin jumped up from his position next to jeongguk, shoulders oddly stiff. "seokjin-hyung and i have to go now. our shift is over.“

seokjin glanced at jimin, faintly alarmed. they had shifts? even if they did, he wasn’t sure if he could leave- namjoon was leaning on his shoulder, and seokjin had lost feeling in it completely.

jeongguk frowned, as if he too sensed jimin’s sudden tenseness. "alright. i’ll see you soon, jiminie-hyung.”

jimin smiled, a faint blush on his cheeks. "see you tomorrow, gukkie.“

namjoon turned to seokjin, a hopeful expression on his face. "will i see you tomorrow, seokjinnie-hyung?”

seokjin hummed thoughtfully, eyebrows creasing as he thought about it. should he? he’d had a nice time with namjoon (who was cute too, as a bonus), but would tomorrow be the same? he felt jimin, namjoon and jeongguk’s expectant gazes on him. "yes,“ he decided spontaneously, "why the hell not?”

namjoon broke into a grin so wide it almost split his face in half, deep dimples carving themselves onto his cheeks. "i knew you’d say yes.“

jimin cleared his throat. "seokjin, we have to go, remember?”

feeling bold, seokjin blew namjoon a kiss. "bye, namjoonie.“

namjoon had called him 'seokjinnie’, so 'namjoonie’ was a fitting nickname, was it not?

jimin pushed seokjin out the door, promptly pulling the door shut behind them.

as soon as they were out of earshot, jimin turned to seokjin, a wide grin on his face. "now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

seokjin shrugged, trying to hide his frantic heartbeat. "namjoon’s pretty nice to hang around.“ namjoon was pretty, too.

jimin whooped loudly, and the receptionist glared at him as the two young men passed her. "has he told you about his condition yet?” he asked, lowering his voice.

seokjin shook his head. "no, why?“ seokjin waved goodbye to hoseok, and the nurse saluted him in response.

jimin shrugged, walking a little faster in order to keep up with seokjin. "he’ll tell you in his own time, i guess.”

“do you know his condition?” seokjin asked curiously. jimin probably did- he’d been doing this for far longer than seokjin had, and jimin and jeongguk were so close, namjoon probably trusted jimin too.

the shorter man nodded. "he’s kinda sensitive about it though, and now that you two are friends, i don’t want you to think differently about him because of it.“

seokjin left the conversation alone, making a mental note to ask namjoon about it the next day.

a little over half a day later, seokjin was at the hospital again, casually chatting to jimin as they made their way to namjoon and jeongguk’s room. he wondered if he’d even be there if not for a certain kim namjoon, and apparently, so was jimin.

"so, seokjin-hyung,” the younger began with a sly grin, “are you looking forward to today? you get to spend more time with namjoon-hyung.”

hoseok hurried past, complaining to jimin that jeongguk had ran off- or rather, wheeled off- again. jimin just laughed, telling hoseok it was okay, he was used to it.

seokjin glared at jimin, shoving him away. "watch your mouth,“ he warned, threat as empty as his stomach, "and watch your boy crush.”

jimin spluttered, cheeks growing red. "i do not- jeongguk is not-“

seokjin smirked. "yah, jiminie, karma’s a b*tch, but so am i.”

jimin flipped him the bird before running off in search of jeongguk. "hey! ungrateful brat!“ he shouted at jimin over dr min’s head. "you should learn to respect your hyungs!

there was a laugh from behind, and seokjin jumped a mile high. he whirled around, clutching his chest melodramatically. "aish, joonie! you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

namjoon laughed loudly, covering his mouth afterwards. namjoon blushed, looking a little flustered. "sorry, i have a habit of doing that. before, dr min told me off for laughing too loudly, and i’m still kinda scared of him.“

seokjin awkwardly patted his arm. "it’s okay!” he smiled. "i like your laugh.“

namjoon cleared his throat, a professional looking expression on his face. "yeah, about that…”

“hmm?”

“i need to tell you something.” he lowered his voice. "in private.“

seokjin agreed. he had to ask namjoon why he was in the hospital anyway- from an outsider like seokjin’s perspective, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

they made their way to namjoon and jeongguk’s hospital room, namjoon making himself at home on the bed before asking seokjin to join him like the day before. hoseok strolled in, exchanging a few words with namjoon, occasionally glancing at seokjin while attaching wires and tubes to namjoon’s skin.

hoseok gave seokjin a few instructions, pointing at a bag and telling seokjin to fill it up with the transparent liquid next to it. seokjin followed dutifully, only looking up at namjoon when he winced.

hoseok left a few moments later, instructing seokjin to keep an eye on namjoon’s vitals and to press the help button on the heart monitor machine if anything happened.

the awkward silence seemed to stretch between them, the quiet beepbeepbeep of namjoon’s heart monitor the only sound in the room.

"so, joonie, mind telling me about what you dragged me all the way here for?” seokjin asked, breaking the pregnant pause.

namjoon made a wounded sound at the back of his throat. "i didn’t drag you, you came willingly!“

airily, seokjin waved a hand. "there’s not much of a difference-”

“not much meaning there is!” namjoon interjected triumphantly.

seokjin grunted, trying not to smile. "i still wanna know what you have to tell me so desperately.“

namjoon took a deep breath. "are you sure you want to hear it?”

seokjin nodded firmly.

“i have a cardiac myxoma.”

seokjin blinked. "a what?“

"a malign heart tumor,” namjoon explained, “and according to the doctors i only have around half a year, give or take, left to live.”

“i’m sorry.” seokjin didn’t know how else to respond.

namjoon breathed out sharply. "no, i’m sorry. i’ve always been too much of a romantic, and jeongguk keeps teasing me for it, and you’ll probably hate me for this, or think that i’m weird, but i- i think i like you.“ he confessed.

seokjin fell over backwards, lying across namjoon’s long legs. "damn. okay.”

namjoon cursed under his breath. "i’m sorry, that was such a dumb thing to say. forget what i just said. i can’t believe i just said that, oh my god-“

seokjin laughed, reaching up and flicking namjoon’s nose. namjoon blinked, a small look of surprise coming over his face. "what can i say? i’m a very likable person. only dr min seems to hate me, but again, he seems to hate everyone.”

namjoon breathed a sigh of relief. "you took that remarkably well. i mean, a guy who’s about to die just told you he liked you, and you just responded with 'okay’. i would’ve freaked out, big time.“

namjoon sat back up. "i mean, you seem like a nice person. for 'a guy who’s about to die’, as you so eloquently put it, you seem pretty upbeat. if i was about to die, i’d be pretty depressed about it.”

namjoon frowned thoughtfully. "for a while, i was, actually. i mean, i don’t want to die, you know, i’m only twenty four.“

seokjin’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. namjoon was younger than him!

"i don’t want you pity or anything, i just want to make the most out of what little time i have left.” namjoon smiled wistfully. "speaking of which, have you ever been to america? it seems like a nice place. i’d like to go there one day.“

seokjin nodded, unable to help but feel bad for the man with a faulty heart, the man with so many dreams and aspirations, the man who deserved so much more than a life snatched away by the cruel hands of fate.

"i studied there for a few years,” seokjin replied quietly, “performing arts. i used to want to be a singer, or an actor, but after mom and dad passed away, i put that dream aside so i could raise taehyung. i quit school to manage our family restaurant. taetae’s my little brother, and i love him so much. he deserves so much more than what i could ever give him.”

namjoon sniffled, and seokjin looked at him in alarm. “sorry,” he sniffed, “i just think taehyung should be grateful to have such a great hyung like you.”

seokjin smiled, flushed with pride. "thanks, joonie. you should meet tae one day, i think you’d like him.“

namjoon hummed thoughtfully. "jin-hyung?”

“yah?”

seokjin looked up. namjoon was blushing so hard, even the tips of his ears were pink. "could- could you sing for me?“ he asked shyly.

now, it was seokjin’s turn to blush. "ah, i haven’t sung in years…”

“please, hyung?”

namjoon pouted, and whatever resolve seokjin had melted away at the sheer cuteness of it. "are there any songs in particular that you’d like me to sing?“

"i don’t really mind…” namjoon trailed off, looking at him hopefully. "have you written any?“

seokjin nodded guiltily. he’d written quite a few, but he’d never sang them to an audience. sure, taehyung and jimin had heard his first song, awake, but he’d never sang them epiphany.

"i’ll sing you epiphany,” seokjin decided. namjoon could listen to awake another day. he’d written epiphany not long ago, as a sort of follow up to awake. seokjin had written awake when he’d dropped out of performing arts, pouring all the heartache, all the pain, all the loneliness into the song. epiphany was about him moving on, with the knowledge that taehyung would support him, no matter what.

seokjijn opened his mouth and began to sing.

and by god, it was beautiful- his voice was hauntingly melodious, notes of pure power escaping his lips, the strength of the vibrato enough to bring tears to anyone’s eyes. even though the melody was simple, it was as if seokjin had put his heart on his sleeve, bared his soul for those who were willing to listen. namjoon closed his eyes, unable to resist the temptation to tune out the sounds of the outside world, drowning himself in the beauty of seokjin’s voice. for a while, it was like seokjin had swept namjoon away from the dreary hospital he was stuck in until his imminent demise, a welcome distraction from the pain that plagued his heart.

but as soon as it began, it was over.

seokjin was blushing, cheeks tinted rose. "was… was that okay? it’s the first time i’ve sang that to anyone.“

namjoon was too busy gawking at seokjin with wide eyes and an open mouth to respond. "wow.” kim namjoon was rarely ever rendered speechless, but seokjin…

kim seokjin was something else entirely.

“wow.” namjoon repeated as intelligently as he could. "you- wow. just wow.“

seokjin smiled shyly. "i’ll take that as an 'it was okay’?”

namjoon nodded, still looking a little starstruck. "that was more that okay, that was just… wow. i have no words.“

seokjin laughed, relief visible on his face. "thank god.”

suddenly, the door was kicked open, and jeongguk rolled in on his wheelchair, jimin pushing him in with an annoyed expression on his face. jeongguk gave namjoon a subtle thumbs up, mouthing you chose well, hyung!

namjoon smacked jeongguk hard on the head as he rolled over. "shut up, guk!“ he hissed.

"seokjin-ssi, your singing is so good!” jeongguk gushed, a devious grin on his face.

seokjin’s mouth popped open in an 'o’ before he collected himself. "thanks, jeongguk, and hyung is fine.“ he laughed a little. "i wasn’t even aware i was singing that loudly!”

jeongguk burst out laughing. "did namjoon-hyung tell you that he used to be an underground rapper?“ he asked, eyes gleaming with mischief.

behind seokjin, namjoon shook his head rapidly, mouthing at jeongguk to just shut up already and stop ruining his life.

"no,” seokjin replied, “he didn’t, actually. i wonder who would bury such a good looking wrapper, though. maybe they thought the wrapper looked too precious.”

it took namjoon a few seconds to understand what seokjin had said. "did you just use a pick up line disguised as a pun on me?“

seokjin let out another one of his infamous windshield wiper laughs, throwing his head back. "it’s not a pick up line, it’s a fact,” he told namjoon with an obnoxious wink.

namjoon groaned, burying his head in his hands. he didn’t even know he could get this flustered in a day.

“jiiiin!” he wailed.

“i bet you five hundred won seokjin-hyung is a top,” seokjin heard jeongguk whisper to jimin.

the kid really thought seokjin couldn’t hear him, huh.

“thanks for your faith in me, but i’m not a shirt,” seokjin said with a grin, unleashing another bout of windshield wiper laughs.

the door burst open, revealing a panicked looking hoseok. "what’s happening? namjoon’s heart rate is dangerously high.“ he turned to seokjin. "didn’t i tell you to press the alarm if anything suspicious happened?”

namjoon slammed a pillow onto his face, groaning into it. "if i have a heart attack right now and i die, jinnie-hyung, you’re paying for my funeral.“

hoseok sighed, grabbing seokjin by the shoulders and frogmarching him away from namjoon. "please try not to accidentally kill joonie. his heart is fragile enough as it is.” hoseok leaned closer. "if you break his heart,“ he whispered dangerously, "i’ll make sure yours stops beating and make it look like a convenient accident.”

seokjin gulped, barely hiding the squeak that came out of his throat. "are you allowed to do that?“

hoseok smirked. "who knows?”

seokjin swallowed. he didn’t want to cross the nurse. "it’s not like i have any intentions of breaking joonie’s heart anyway.“ he muttered under his breath.

namjoon looked at the older duo curiously. ”hyungs? what’s wrong?“

"nothing!” seokjin yelped as hoseok subtly stomped on his foot. "just got something lodged in my throat, that’s all.“ he said in his normal voice. "i’m fine now.”

hoseok gave him one last warning look before slipping out the door again. jeongguk snorted. "hyung, your lies are as bad as joon-hyung’s old haircut, and your excuses are as cringey as runch randa.“

namjoon gasped, visibly offended. "excuse you, gukkie, but runch randa is great!”

seokjin nodded in agreement. "taehyung forced me to come along to one of runch randa’s shows. i don’t regret it one bit, though. the guy seemed pretty cool.“

jimin grinned slyly. "seokjin-hyung, namjoon-hyung is runch randa.”

seokjin’s eyes went wide before he composed himself. "well, i regret watching that show even less now.“ he turned to namjoon, who buried his head in his hands. "your rapping’s pretty good.”

but not as good as your looks, seokjin added in his head.

“thanks.” namjoon mumbled, voice muffled by his palms.

they spent the rest of the morning like that- the two maknaes bringing up old memories to embarrass their hyungs, namjoon being a flustered mess and seokjin heroically defending namjoon with dad jokes and embarrassing jimin and jeongguk instead.

seokjin had struck up a conversation, both of them giggling like teenage schoolgirls whenever seokjin made a pun, laughing when they both lapsed into awkward silence and the heart monitor beepbeepbeeped in the background.

at one point, namjoon had fallen asleep, exhaustion taking over after laughing too hard. seokjin had stayed awake, staring down at him with loving eyes, fondly stroking his hair, fingers brushing against his skin. for a second, seokjin wondered how it would feel to wake up to that beautiful sight every morning.

he felt his cheeks grow hot, and he forced the thought away. he’d always been too much of a romantic.

namjoon’s eyes suddenly snapped open. "jin-hyung?“ his voice was uncharacteristically weak.

"yah, namjoon-ah?” seokjin asked, concerned for the younger man. "what’s wrong?“

namjoon whimpered. "hyung, my chest hurts.” his voice was growing weaker, even the beeping from the heart monitor seemed a little quieter. "i- i- think i’m dying.“

seokjin’s eyes went wide. "no. joon-ah, stay with me.” he slammed the 'help’ button several times, hoping that hoseok would arrive quickly.

“but hyung, it hurts…”

“kim namjoon, you are not dying on me.” seokjin demanded. namjoon was not going to die, not on his watch.

“jin-hyung…” namjoon’s eyes fluttered shut.

seokjin nearly screamed.

“no! namjoon, stay with me. namjoon, please. hoseok-ssi is coming, and dr min-ssi too. you’re going to be okay. joonie, goddammit, stay with me.”

the heart monitor flat-lined, and this time, seokjin screamed for real. "namjoon!“ he could feel hot tears of dread pooling in his eyes against his will. "namjoon, please don’t go.”

hoseok kicked the door open, dr min behind him. "what did you do?“

"i didn’t do anything!” seokjin wailed. "he just said his chest hurt, and then-“ he waved his arms wildly, unable to put the whole experience into words. he turned to the surgeon, desperation written all over his face. "dr min-ssi, please, you have to help him!” hoseok and another nurse started loading namjoon’s unconscious body onto a trolley, ready to wheel him off elsewhere.

“please, you have to help him,” seokjin croaked, voice cracking with emotion he didn’t know he had. "i- i think i’m in love with him.“

dr min smirked. "i’m not the best heart surgeon in korea for nothing, you know. i try my best to save my patients” he put on a pair of surgical gloves, latex snapping against his wrists. "you can count on me, seokjin-ssi.“

seokjin collapsed in relief.

"someone get him out,” commanded the surgeon, “i don’t want to risk him freaking out and getting a heart attack too.”

one of the nurses dragged seokjin out, sitting him down on a bench and warning him to stay there. seokjin just prayed that namjoon would be alright.

***

namjoon woke up alone in a hospital room. he sat up curiously, looking around. beside him, the heart monitor beeped, reassuring namjoon that he was still alive. he glanced down. his chest was covered with bandages, but it didn’t hurt anymore. he just felt numb.

hoseok walked in, sat down beside him. "so, namjoon, how are you feeling?“

"like i just died,” namjoon rasped out as dr min pushed the door open with a concerned but proud expression on his face. "what happened? i can’t remember what happened. did i pass out? where’s jin-hyung?“

questions, questions, so many questions.

"namjoon-hyung!” jeongguk shouted as he wheeled himself in, almost rolling right over jimin who was holding the door open for him. "you’re alive!“ he yelled gleefully.

namjoon shook his head. jeongguk was being too loud. everything hurt, but at the same time nothing did.

"what happened?”

jimin stepped in, another young man in tow, looking at them curiously. jimin whispered something to the young man, whose gaze focused on namjoon for a few seconds before he made the 'i’m keeping my eye on you’ gesture at namjoon.

“guys? why is nobody answering my question?”

hoseok took a deep breath. "namjoon, you were-“

”-clinically dead for almost a minute,“ dr min finished for him. "your heart stopped beating-”

“so we gave you a heart transplant.” namjoon raised an eyebrow. since when were the surgeon and the nurse so close to each other that they could finish each other’s sentences? "luckily, we had a willing donor.“

"you were out for two days afterwards, but thankfully the surgery went successfully.” dr min added, rubbing his eyes. now, namjoon could see the dark circles and the eye bags- one of the cons of working as an er surgeon.

“we still have to run a few tests to make sure you’re completely fine, and that the tumor won’t reappear elsewhere, but if everything goes alright, you’ll be discharged in a few days.” hoseok told him happily.

namjoon nodded, glad that he’d be able to see the outside world again. but there was still one question at the forefront of his mind- where was seokjin?

the young man namjoon didn’t recognize gave him a sad look. "who do you think gave you his heart?“

namjoon choked on his breath, and hoseok immediately came dashing over to his aid. "what?” namjoon could barely hear himself over the thumpthumpthump of his new beating heart. "no. no. no-“

the young man passed namjoon a card with a grim look on his face. it was red, with black spots, folded up to look like a ladybug. "he wanted you to have this.”

namjoon nodded his thanks, swallowing the lump in his throat and unfolding the card with shaky hands. with his luck and destructive tendencies, he accidentally ripped a corner. he read the neatly written words: go out the door, and look for all the ladybugs.

namjoon blinked. ladybugs? why would seokjin want him to look for ladybugs?

“what does it say?” the young man asked namjoon with a look of childish curiosity. "hyungie wouldn’t tell me,“ he said with a pout.

so this is taehyung, namjoon realized, seokjinnie’s beloved baby brother. he wasn’t quite sure when exactly he’d started calling seokjin nicknames in his head, and he couldn’t hide the blush sweeping across his cheeks at the realization. "he told me to find the ladybugs.”

jimin raised an eyebrow. "ladybugs?“

jeongguk shrugged, wheeling himself behind jimin and pulling the shorter man onto his lap. "i’m sure he did it for a reason. seokjin-hyung doesn’t look like the type to do random things, and i’m pretty sure he wouldn’t send namjoon-hyung on a wild goose chase, not in this state.”

“i think you mean wild card chase,” namjoon said with a small grin.

jimin groaned, leaning back against jeongguk. "oh god, you’ve been spending too much time with seokjin-hyung.“

"either way, i’ll do it.” if nobody would tell namjoon where seokjin was, he’d find jin himself. maybe it was payback for all those times seokjin had to hunt namjoon down after another one of namjoon’s hospital room escapades.

“you have to be careful, though,” warned the surgeon, “your body is still weak.”

namjoon nodded. "i will, dr min.“

the surgeon gave namjoon a rare but genuine smile. "please, just call me yoongi.”

namjoon agreed, eyeing hoseok, who blushed a dark red and dismissed himself. "alright, yoongi-hyung. i’ll get going now, and you can go find hobi-hyung.“

yoongi shot him a familiarly terrifying scowl, stomping off to find the nurse he was denying his obvious love for.

now, it was time for namjoon to find his love. it was all a bit strange, really- namjoon had never believed in all that 'love at first sight’ stuff jimin loved to spout, but embarrassing as it was, seokjin had changed all that.

gingerly, namjoon pulled on a shirt, stepped off the bed and almost fell flat on his face. it seemed like he’d forgotten how to use his legs. jeongguk snickered. "now you feel my pain, hyung.” namjoon chose to flip the boy the bird, taking another cautious step forward. he’d do this. for seokjin.

slowly but surely, namjoon made his way through the hospital. it was strangely quiet, for midday. but that didn’t matter- he kept walking, left foot after right, guided by the ladybug cards plastered to the wall, steps powered by his love for the man who’d stuck them. he’d opened up a few of the cards, which were filled with puns, each one more ridiculous than the last. namjoon couldn’t help but smile as he read them.

“oof!”

he stumbled forward as somebody bumped into him. he reached out for something, anything, to stop himself from falling. he latched onto something hard and warm, and a pair of muscular arms wrapped around his waist. he looked up, spotting an angel with broad shoulders and twinkling brown eyes.

“wow, namjoon, you should be careful.” the angel 'reprimanded’ him. "can’t have you falling for me already, eh?“

namjoon gawked up at him. "jin-hyung?” the older man looked gorgeous as ever, even with messy hair and a hint of dark eye circles. like always, he looked too beautiful to be real. "are you really here?“

seokjin grinned, smile lines appearing on his face. "i’m real, i promise. i do like hearing that i’m beautiful, though.” he handed namjoon a small red box with black spots on it.

namjoon snorted. "you’re so vain.“

"hey! respect your hyungs!”

namjoon choked out an apology between snickers, unable to help but smile. "but really, jinnie-hyung? ladybugs?“

seokjin helped him to his feet. "what can i say?” he said with a mischievous wink. "i guess i’m your lucky charm.“

namjoon laughed. "another pun? i should’ve known.” he thought he was used to seokjin’s love for puns, but apparently not, it seemed.

“open it, namjoon-ssi!” an excited voice cried. "hyung’s been waiting for this moment since-“

seokjin all but shoved taehyung out of namjoon’s line of sight. "ignore taetae.” taehyung stood beside seokjin, bouncing up and down like an excited child. seokjin pushed him a little further. namjoon glanced around, seeing jeongguk, with jimin sitting on his lap. even hoseok and yoongi were there! jeongguk made a small ripping motion, waiting for namjoon to open the box.

seokjin cleared his throat, yelling at everyone to piss off because they were making him nervous. nobody responded. “open the box, joon-ah.” he told namjoon softly, a stark contrast to him mere seconds ago.

gently, namjoon opened the ladybug box, gaping when he saw the heart bracelet inside, 'knj + ksj’ carved on the back. "what-“

he looked back up. seokjin was kneeling on me. "kim namjoon, i gave you my metaphorical heart. now will you be my boyfriend?”

namjoon’s brain spun. now it all made sense- another donor had given namjoon their literal heart, and when taehyung asked 'who do you think gave you his heart’, he’d meant seokjin had given namjoon his figurative heart. impossible as it seemed, namjoon’s love for seokjin- and seokjin’s love for him- had kept namjoon alive.

“thank god,” said namjoon, stalling for time, “i thought you were proposing.”

“say yes anyway!” jeongguk shouted impatiently, only for jimin to turn and smash his palm on jeongguk’s mouth.

“marrying me wouldn’t be that bad,” seokjin protested, “i’m just a little high maintenance-”

“stand up,” namjoon told him demandingly, using the voice hoseok had playfully nicknamed him 'president’ for.

seokjin did exactly that. "it’s okay if you reject me, i just-“

namjoon smashed his lips to seokjin’s. "shut up,” he whispered with a small smile.

seokjin had a goofy grin on his face. "make me.“

namjoon kissed him again.

6 notes · View notes

thelowlysatsuma · 6 years ago

Note

Ramble in whatever form you choose. I won’t be able to be active all the time so if you want to be able to do it whenever you want I’d say text posts but I’ll also try to occasionally ask you about them so there’s some variety

!!! okay! well i think i’ll choose a couple from the list that i haven’t made many posts about before (aka no ts or go) and ramble on here!

oof under the cut bc idk how long this will get

steven universe

oh hon don’t even get me STARTED on su like that shit? that shit is so good? okay first of all i love the cast so much? gosh they’re just all so sweet and cool and sometimes they collab w/ thomas sanders and i love rebecca sugar and im gonna cry they’re so sweet im so soft

okay SECONDLY the show itself oof

okay okay im just? god im so soft?? like the music is so good, i can (and do) watch it w/ my parents, GOD do i wanna cosplay pearl’s new outfit (and rainbow 2.0, if i can pull it off), im in love with the concept and all the fusions and the story and the worldbuilding and god, this made me realize my utter love and adoration of COLOURS like they’re so PRETTY im in LOVE oh my gOD and just

god it has such a good message and such a good plot and such good characters i wanna be steven’s friend i wanna be all of their friends oh man i just can’t wait until my baby cousins are old enough for me to show this to them because i’m going to enjoy that experience so much

ducktales

oh jfc where the fuck do i even start with ducktales okay david tennant as scrooge mcduck makes my fucking life literally he’sthe best goddamn charaacter in the show – well, best besides the triplets (my BOYS), webby (!!! my KID), f e n t o n (god i love that nerd), mark beaks (what an asshole), mrs beakley (i wanna be her when i grow up), launchpad (!!! he!!), and so many others??? this is like serious every character in the show erasure but hot damn duck tales says gay rights and it does so in style (oh yeah also i love lena della donald oh webby’s new friend whose name i forget uhhh herules oh the inventor guy fenton’s boss that dipshit love him uhhh gandra dee who’s voiced by jameela jamil if im not mistaken??????) and yeah it’s a hilarious show but it’s also just a really good one for me to watch whenever i start to like. feel empty inside?? but then like i’ll put on ducktales and i’ll feel better

gravity falls

this show. this show RUINED ME. i started watching it like four years late (aka last year lmao) but GOD, im so in love with it. def another one i wanna show my cousins.

like?? just??? the ciphers and mysteries appeal so much to me and my love of mystery and crime novels, the characters are all amazing, alex hirsch himself is just such a g?? and like. it’s so good. it hurts me so much but then it’s all okay in the end and it’s just. it’s so good.

yeah i sobbed my eyes out when i watched that series finale.

camp camp, which somehow i forgot on my other list

god, is this show hilarious. like, fuck is it funny. it’s so good. it’s so fucking good. i was a little shocked when i saw the first episode but i’m so into it now, and i’m so attatched to all the characters bc they’re just dumbasses trying their best (or worst, in a few cases) and i love them for it. that’s peak fool energy right there and it speaks to me

orphan black

okay okay okay veering now into a much darker type of television, orphan black is??? phenominal???

okay so my best friend @fuck-me-gently-with-a-slurpee got me into it when i was like 14 or 15 i think and i honestly cannot thank her enough because this show is incredible. the plot’s super engaging, i literally cannot say anything about it without giving away spoilers, and the main character has quite possibly the best actor i’ve ever seen playing her

like. you think thomas sanders is good? he ain’t got SHIT on tatianna maslany

mythbusters

you guys. you guys. mythbusters was my childhood. like seriously, i watched that show religiously.

it’s what first got me into science, and it’s what kept me interested in explosions. it’s light and funny and ridiculous and scientifically accurate in the dumbest ways possible. i swear to god the main cast nearly dies once an episode

these guys are my idols. like, i seriously cannot overstate how much i love the mythbusters. adam and jamie, tori, kari, and grant.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mythbuster when i grew up, and god damnit, i still do. they mean that much to me

bill nye

fun fact! i actually had no fuckin clue who bill nye was until seventh grade, when i had to watch an episode of his show for homework because i missed a day of class. it was the episode on static electricity, and i remember sitting at my dining room table in the dim winter afternoon light, squinting at my computer, and thinking “what the FUCK am i WATCHING?”

needless to say, i’ve seen more since then, but that initial what the fuckery is still present and i love it.

not only is bill nye the science guy a flippin fantstic show, but bill nye himself? the coolest guy alive. god, i love him. what a g.

various comedians including but not limited to john mulaney,john oliver, and hasan minhaj

okay, as a gay, i am legally required to love john mulaney, but seriously that guy is so. fuckin. funny that i can’t help myself. his timing is priceless, the way he moves onstage is hysterical, just. god i love his stuff.

literally his comedic timing and style is half the reason people find me funny. i just phrase my sentences the way he would because, you know, i’m good at stealing things, and people laugh, and i go “hey. that actually worked”. and then i keep doing it

next, john oliver. okay, so while i don’t watch his show religiously, i do watch it when my parents do every now and again, and fuck is his stuff funny. like. just. shit.

finally, hasan minhaj’s patriot act is just. one of my favourite current events comedy shows out there. it’s in a similar vein to john oliver’s stuff, just more international, and shit, is he good at what he does. i lvoe it.

hoodwinked the movie (i am dead serious)

okay, while i haven’t seen it in over four years, this is still my favourite movie of all time. it also has one of my favourite villain songs of all times, and some of the best character exchanges just. ever. especially with wolf and twitchy

...god, i love twitchy. also the goat. i’m probably gonna be the goat when i grow up, let’s be honest

one day at a time

i just.

there’s so much to say about odaat. like. it’s so funny. it makes me nearly cry every episode (and makes my mother actually cry every episode). the characters, god, the characters

like. alex is such a cute dumb kid (who’s smarter than he looks), penelope is so salty constantly and i love her but she’s genuinely so cool and such a good mom and i cry??? elena is so amazing like god she’s such a fuckin nerd but she’s also so salty (takes after her mom) and is literally the best????

and then there’s abuelita, whom i adore. like, god, rita moreno is SO cool and SUCH a great actress and has SUCH an amazing sense of comedic timing and GOD, i LOVE HER

can’t forget about syd and doc berkowitz, which like. okay first off the good doc. just. god i love the doc. he’s so sweet and such a genuinely good dude and he’s a bit of a coward at heart but that’s okay because he genuinely cares and does his best and god he’s just such an amazing character im !!!!! and then syd is such a dork and i love them and elena and god, it made me so happy to see not only an actual enby character on a big sitcom, but also just?? like??? it’s not forced but it’s still there??? like there’s one episode where one of the plots is just syd and elena trying to figure out what elena should call them, since neither of them are comfy using “girlfriend” for syd since they’re not a girl, and they finally agree on “significant other” and schneider imMEDIATELY says “dont you mean, SYDnificant other?” and then they use that for the REST OF THE SHOW IT”S SO CUTE OKAY

and finally, schneider. he might be my favourite character in the entire show (which is a damn hard list to pick from!!!), but he’s just. he’s so sweet, he and penelope have one of the absolute best male/female friendships i’ve ever seen (which! never! turns! romantic! ever!!!), he’s actually got surprising depths but he’s also like such a nice goofball that when they get revealed, it hurts, and he’s just this canadian dumbass (heyyyyy repreSENT) with the worst goddamn canadian accent sometimes and he’s a hipster and The Dumb Friend and the weird uncle all rolled into one and GOD, i love him so much

the good place and brooklyn 99

okay, i love these two both so, so much, but i’m lumping them together because a) they’re both mike schur shows with a similar sense of humour, that say gay rights, and with characters who’d definitely love each other if they met and b) my hand is getting tired from all this typing but i still have so much love to go around!!!!

okay so so SO! they’re both so good. they’re so fucking funny and amazing and i was immediately hooked on both of their pilots. their characters are all so genuine and flawed and fucking hysterical to watch, and the ships and friendships are all so amazing and pure and good and soft and they have their problems and they WORK THEM OUT HEALTHILY AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY OKAY!!!

god, i literally cannot overstate how much i adore these two shows. mike schur, you’re a wonderful, wonderful dude. thank you so much

many musicals (top faves include BOM, hamilton, legally blonde, chicago, matilda, and more!)

i’m putting the musicals together because while i do adore each and every one of them individually, i also just have great big deep-seated love of the art of musical theatre itself in general, ya feel?

like, as someone who’s been both performing and viewing them from a very young age, the sheer sense of utter joy they bring is almost unparalleled

not to be That Bitch who quotes musicals, but “and that hop in our hearts as the overture starts lets us know how lucky we are” might be the closest i’ve ever gotten to finding words to fit the feeling when the lights go down and the show begins. it’s simply phenomenal

the others series by anne bishop

okay, OKAY, if you haven’t read this series (first book called written in red – they have terrible titles but god, they’re worth it), then what are you doing with your life? like, not only is there the perfect logicality au to them (just sayin’), but god, it’s such an incredible series

the worldbbuilding is so cool and the characters are all great and god the ships are the damn hill i die on it’s got literally such a good “sort of enemies mostly just dislike each other to reluctant acquaintances to friends to lovers” ship and it deals with some serious issues rlly well and it’s got baby puppies!!!

like, they’re wolf puppies, but still, they are b a b e y

and finally (for now, at least), the mysterious benedict society, by trenton lee stewart

this book series was my childhood. i mean, there are so many other books i could be talking about right now that i utterly adore (the artemis fowl series springs to mind), but gosh, MBS just brings me such absolute joy to read that i just had to have it on here.

i’m not thinking straight at this point in the evening, but i just wanna say that i will never, not ever forget about reynie. about kate. about sticky. about constance. about rhonda and number two and milligan and miss perumal and my absolute son sq pedalian and, of course, i will never, never forget about mr benedict

it’s bright, and it’s bittersweet, and it’s beautiful.

and it’s good. simply, utterly, wonderfully good.

thank you for the ask, anon.

thank you.

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icharchivist · 5 years ago

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God it keeps getting worse i think i need to at least. ramble about it bc i’m really starting to bottle it all up and it’s frustrating me

i’ve moved away from home bc i can’t stand my family anymore and they all put me into too much amount of stress

my mom is also currently sueing my dad so he pays back the allowance he had stopped paying, illegally, those past few months, and she is already being heaviy about it bc she is putting herself even more in debt for that endeavor as if it wasn’t a mess already

and ever since the trial officially started my father keeps sending messages alongside a “proposition” to avoid the trial all together (of course something that would be good for him y’know) He doesn’t say what the proposition is ofc, since if he writes it down he becomes engaged to it and he wants to avoid that; He just keeps taunting me into meeting him so he could make that proposition.

Meanwhile bc knowing my dad once we are done with the trial for him to pay back what he’s due, i’ve covered myself by hiring a lawyer so later i could do a work so the allowance would be legally given to me, so my father doesn’t pull what he does to my sister ie blackmailling her into doing things if she wants the money he’s due to her but doesn’t have an official state document stating so

I should also remind that my fahter is very well off, like, very much so. this isn’t some petty scambling to get 2€ or something, the guy has a lot of money. He also holds back goods that belongs to us and would eventually bring us money that belongs to us.

anyway, birthday around the corner, my sister calls me to wish me a happy birthday- and start talking about what my mom had told her, that i moved away, and that we were gonna follow my father to court. So things my mom spilled to her. She tried to dissuade me, telling me not to.

She also worded what my father’s proposition was: to give us the money of the goods he’s withholding so he wouldn’t have to give the allowance instead. so basically she says that instead of the 780€ months i should just take the ~15k€ net, despite the fact the 15k€ actually belong to us and my father has no right withholding them (very long, propriety story not worth telling)

Anyway I told my sister the lawyer was mostly a protection not to talk about the rest and here we are since then:

my father knows that i moved away and knows where i live, which he had made sure to let me know through very ominous texts. He also keeps sending messages about the Proposition with emotional blackmail like he does so well. He also left a voicemail for that. He makes very clear my sister told him about my situation so he tries to have things going his way.

Meanwhile my mom, whom i don’t talk with much since i moved out, is still being harrassed by my dad and she complaisn about it everytime we talk so it adds to the very heaviness i was trying to run away from to start with (on top of her others problems like with my ex step dad)

Eventually today i brought to her attention that my sister had kept my father aware of my moves, without even accusing my mom, just that “what you told my sister about came back to my father’s ears”

My mom first started to defend herself that it wasn’t her who told my sister about my whereabouts which is... absolutly impossible (like my sister knew my friend paid for my caution since none of my parents helped out, she knew the name of the specific friend who helped out, so like... She has to know). But my mom rejected the blame.

But apparently since then she’s also been yelling at my sister because of her telling my dad about it

which came back to my father’s ears who is now sending horrible messages because “how dare didn’t you keep our conversation between the two of us”, as well as well. Tasteful coments as always.

(”Since it doesn’t stay between the two of us. Your asshole of a mom is shitting all over your sister now. I remove myself from my good intentions. See you in court. It’s the judge who will decide since you refuse to grow up and take upon yourself the fact you decided to not do a fucking thing at 24yo. No more wanting to help you. Keep manipulating your mom, since she’s too stupid to understand your circus, but not enough still”. This is a rough translation of the text i’ve just received and no matter how much i’m used to those they always, always have an impact.)

He sent messages all day long and this is just... the last straw.

I’ve dealt with my father’s bad messages and never blocked him in case i could/should use his texts in court and all (which is such a fucked up way to see your dynamic with your family) but i ended up caving in and block him

and anyway i feel terrible about this whole situation despite knowing i have cause for behaving the way i do, that I can’t trust my family, and that every single of those problems that had got out of hands and are blamed on me were all based on my parents doing bullshit. and how they expect me to deal with their bullshit,that i somehow should control my other parent or something.

And i hate how insidious it gets, how then it creeps into my mind thinking i’ve done something wrong for not playing in the hands of my parents, that i’m a bad person for such or such reason or how they twist my actions to fit their own narrative and i’m just... so tired of having to work everytime on the way i perceive myself to not get completely overwhelmed. And it adds to the general fear of not trusting my reality/my memories that I have had since forever with this family and honestly my only brink of sanity is having friends who had followed the case for a while and read my parents’s words directly so i am sure they have the raw thing and not however i would have “twisted it” (and even there it comes with its own weigh of guilt bc i throw at them a lot of heavy shits my parents send me and i wish i didn’t have to do this, it fucking sucks to read about. But i couldn’t have got this far without their help already).

This is exhausting and i’m tired and i hate that this is what i have to expect as family drama.

I just want to be left alone. I’m so tired of it all and it drains absolutly all of my energy.

I’ve left home because of that for crying out loud.

I just can’t wait until it’s finally all behind me and moving out was already a step forward but jfc is it always heavy to remember that

So yeah when i meant a few days ago “woudln’t be a birthday without a family rama” this is the sort of things i am talking about and i hate that this is my normal.

God I have so much enough of this family i swear to god.

#family drama under the cut wouuh it's been a while since one #but this had been a heavy day and i'm so #sO tired #ichapersonal

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coldtomyflash · 6 years ago

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Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^; My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context?

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there.

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is -

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words.

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because -

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it.

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again.

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because -

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible.

But -

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice.

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it!

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space.

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management -

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs.

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic.

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help!

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends!

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops

#redhead vs. writing #long post #long post for ts #phyn rambles #writing advice #depression tw #ask to tag #Anonymous

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queenklu · 6 years ago

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So You Think You Can Dragon pt15: THE END

Part 1&2 | Part 14

I can’t believe we’ve made it.

Int. Night Before the Battle:

Morrigan: What if I told you there’s a way to make sure the demon dies and it doesn’t kill you or Alistaire or Cannonfodder McDeadsoon (the third grey warden he doesn’t even go here)?

Magnus: Heck yeah, sign me up!

Morrigan: Fantastic, all you’ve gotta do is bang me.

Magnus:

Morrigan: It’s genuinely no big deal, we’ll just conceive a child and then the demon when it’s looking for a host will jump into this infinitessimally small not even barely a cluster of cells

Magnus: and then....you miscarry right and it’s dead that....way.......?

Me: I can’t believe this game is sort of endorsing abortion but o--

Morrigan: Oh no the baby will be fine and grow up big and strong and definitely probably not evil? probably?

Me: What in the FUCK is HAPPENING

Magnus: Okay but I feel like we’re glossing over the fact that I’m REAL GAY

Morrigan: does Zevran want you to DIE TOMORROW or bang one chick tonight? ;)

Magnus: I think we both know the answer to that but I still wish this game gave me the option to ASK

I let Morrigan know this is a garbage decision and I don’t want to do it, and she says the only other option is if she bangs ALISTAIRE. JFC. HEIR TO THE THRONE, DUMB AS A LABRADOR AND TWICE AS LOYAL, A L I S T A I R E

Magnus: Uhhh buddy? do you....wanttobangmorrigan?

Alistaire: da fuq

Magnus: you’rerightpretendineversaidanythingnevermindbye

Alistaire: Thank GOD you were joking HAHAHAHA

Me: oh my god what the FUCK do I do I AM NOT READY TO BE A FATHER

So. In the most cringe worthy bullshit thing I ever had to do in this whackado video game....for the good of THE WORLD.....I.........slept *gag* with Morrigan.

“that sure is the face of a guy who isn’t being coerced into sex” -- no one

I....just............Dragon Age why

Note: I did almost do all this bullshit for nothing bc some guy was all “Who do you want to bring with you on the last boss battle?” and i’m like “WYNNE” bc I figure we’ll need healing Real Bad and then Morrigan’s like “All that for nothing?? Well I’m gonna LEAVE THIS BATTLE RIGHT NOW” and i had to go back a save point -.-

Oh. You Know What Else I Found Out. In The Last Battle.

I HAVE BEEN DELETING SKILLS TO FIT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES THE WHOLE!!! TIME!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT!!!! WE HAD FINITE!!!! SLOTS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“This is fine.” - Magnus

It only took me losing the first fight several times to realize there was a little box in the corner where I could call for help from the dwarves/men/elves who’d promised to help. Also with Morrigan’s lightning storm spell taking out all of the darkspawn grunts who walk into it and immediately die, so. Morrigan WAS good to have in the fight.

AND ALSO the last battle had BASICALLY CANNONS and the dragon mostly held still and just got...shot. But not before chomping Grey Warden Cannonfodder McDeadsoon.

I’m...honestly I’m just assuming the spirit thing worked and the demon jumped into Morrigan’s microscopic baby??? The graphics were real unclear. She also super bounced as soon as the fighting was done.

And then...it was over.

Alistaire offered me anything in his power, which was nice, but also not the bi-curious makeout session Magnus was hoping for. Wynne’s gonna stay behind and help him be king, which is GOOD, boy needs all the help he can get. Leliana’s off to fake!France, Sten is back to his homeland, asshole dwarf is going to drink himself to an early grave, and Zevran...

FLASHBACK TO THE BATTLE:

Zevran: So...you’re not taking me with you?

Magnus: I’ve got three slots, two of which have to be Morrigan and Alistaire, the other one has to be a tank, babe, and I think we can all agree that ain’t you

Zevran: True. Still, I would have fought with you...to the end.

Magnus: Hey Zevran? I love you.

Zevran: [A DIRECT QUOTE] “Ah. Cruel to the end.” *moonwalks off to fight*

Me/Magnus: ....why

END FLASHBACK / PRESENT DAY:

Zevran: I’m probably going to get killed by Crows one day, even though we killed everyone who knew about me deserting, so I should probably move around a lot to keep that from happening

Magnus: ...kay

Zevran: But you’re going to stay here, right?

Magnus: Not without you.

Zevran: Then we stay. And we fight anyone who comes at us together, yes?

Magnus: *with heart-shaped tears dripping from his eyes* y-yeah *sniffle*

What’s his name, Magnus’s brother who’s wife and kid got slain at the start of the game: Hey bro

Magnus: Who in the fuck are you

CREDITS ROLL:

AND LO, THE KINGDOM WAS MOSTLY OKAY. THE DWARVES WERE STILL MORONS WITH A BROKEN SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT THAT CRUMPLED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NEW KING DIED. BUT THINGS GOT NICER FOR THE ELVES IN TOWN, AND ALSO KIND OF FOR THE WOOD ELVES BUT A LITTLE BIT LESS. ALISTAIRE WAS A GOOD KING, WHICH SURPRISED EVERYONE. MORRIGAN WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN (OR WAS SHE) AND SHE WAS MAYBE PREGNANT (WHO SPIED ON US). UHHHH NOBODY ELSE GOT MENTIONED. I BET THEY DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME THAT ZEVRAN AND I DIDN’T WORK OUT IN THE LONG RUN. LOOK I KNOW HE’S WILD AND FREE AND ALSO NEEDS ALL THE THERAPY. OH AND I GUESS THE CIRCLE’S DOING OKAY. DAGMA THE DWARF GOT A SHOUTOUT BUT NOT STEN OR LELIANA. HISTORY FORGOT ABOUT THEM I GUESS. THAT’S BULLSHIT. ANYWAY. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY, AND ALSO MY DASH FOR PUTTING UP WITH THESE RAMBLING RECAPS OF A DECADE-OLD VIDEO GAME. I’D LIKE TO PLAY THE NEXT ONE NOW THAT I’M AN ~EXPERT.~ AND I GUESS SINCE THE GAME DIDN’T GIVE ME MUCH OF AN ENDING I’LL GIVE MAGNUS ONE MYSELF: HE LIVED A GOOD LONG LIFE, LONGER THAN ANYONE EXPECTED, AND WHEN HE AND ZEVRAN LOVINGLY PARTED WAYS HE FOUND A GOOD OL’ BOY WITH WAY LESS BAGGAGE AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, AND ONE TIME ALISTAIRE GOT DRUNK AND SMOOCHED HIM AND GOT ALL BLUSHY AFTERWARD BUT DECIDED THEY’D BE BETTER AS FRIENDS.

THE

END

#So You Think You Can Dragon #dragon age origins #oh my god guys i can't believe it's over #i'm gonna miss my new best friends :(((((

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unsettledink · 3 years ago

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From the Ask Game Post celebrating finishing Act 1 of Gotcha:

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Grrrrr I have a very low opinion of him lol. But as to the actual question – with the exclusion of Gotcha, definitely a gardener. I generally get a snapshot or a scene or two, and then start working out from there. Sometimes it's just letting it sit for a while and see what starts connecting, and sometimes I'm actively going okay but what happened between? How did they get there? After I've got enough parts I have to start getting a little more specific about the daydreaming. Or, well, I don't, nothing is topping me from posting 2k of one random scene!

(And now I ramble about outlining Gotcha lord what a project:)

Gotcha is a very different experience. It started out because I wanted a lot of not that kinky sex between Quentin and Peter, way back in... ooof, Sept 2019. So I literally made a list of the things I wanted them to do, lol, and then kept thinking of more. There were so many that I wanted to be part of the same fic that I realized I'd have to have some sort of connective bits between, sigh.

And then, uh, the connective bits started getting more important and there were emotions and plot and wtf? By that time I had realized I couldn't put this all in one massive doc, but I didn't have a timeline or a real idea of what went where, just that some certain things happened and how I wanted it to end. Scenes kept popping up and it was getting more and more overwhelming. It didn't help that I was working overnights at a hotel during that time, so I literally had eight hours all alone with nothing to do but daydream and write (well it was a good thing too but).

I realized that as much as I've never been a fan of outlines, I needed something for this monster. I'd finished Better Than not that long ago and not having a structure for it was difficult.

I ended up really liking the format of the percentage outlining I found here, because I could figure out those basic points easily enough, and then start figuring out where the problems went, and then roughly how much space should be filled between them. I probably spent four or five nights messing with it, getting one for the fic as a whole and then one for each of the six acts (also basically why I did six acts vs any other number lol). And while a few things have moved around, those have stayed pretty solid throughout.

Great! But then I reached another point, where it was like... the space between 20% and 35% of one act ends up being like 20k, I need a little more structure withing THAT jfc help.

I spent a really, really long agonizing amount of time trying to map it out precisely on a calendar. Which was really frustrating when I had something pinned to a certain date – say, Halloween – but I wanted scene 1 to happen at least two weeks before that and that meant scenes 2-5 need to happen before that but scene 6 is tied to a date only a month earlier, how can I fit that many scenes in there???? But forcing myself to really work within that framework helped me make stronger connections between scenes and reasons for things to go where they do.

I've gotten away from being exact down to the day of a specific year and let most things fall 'sometime within this week', but it's still really useful. Right now I've actually got a sticky note map up on my wall that I was using to restructure Act 2 before I got really going on edits. I did that for 1-3 at one point and being able to visually see color coded clusters like that was incredibly helpful.

I kind of hope I don't ever have to get that exact or detailed for another fic because holy crap it's been a lot, but I also don't think I could have gotten far on Gotcha without it.

#ask games #act1 and done

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seven-oomen · 4 years ago

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Hi, Ben! Hope your day is going well so far! Congrats on the new sofa, and on getting it up the stairs (did you at any point develop the urge to start shouting “Pivot! Pivot!” ? XD [Sorry, can’t help myself, it’s where my brain immediately went.]) My home reno I’m currently avoiding is getting my Christmas tree up. I have managed to get the boxes out of my storage unit to my apartment, and managed to clear a (hopefully) big enough space, but I can only seem to do things in fits and spurts today before either my spoons or my focus give out for a while.

Because I have terrible impulse control, I looked at the family tree despite knowing I’d get spoiled. (But I mean, knowing where it’ll end up doesn’t mean I know how it’ll get there, so.) Since I did that on a break at work yesterday, it meant I got to spend a large chunk of my shift alternating between internally ferally screaming over the continuing SPN saga, and internally ferally screaming over the things I’d managed to guess correctly about future chapters and the things I didn’t see coming at all. Gotta say, it at least helped keep me distracted during a very long, short-staffed shift. Not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out the letter code in people’s names. At first I was like, “oh, a middle initial”, then I realized it was the same few letters, and who had what, and felt like an idiot. XD I noticed there wasn’t a (T) in Isaac’s name, and now I’m curious if he stays human, or you just haven’t added that detail yet. (Also, Jesus, I both can’t imagine what Chris and Noah might do to Mr. Lahey, and kinda really want to see some epic smackdown at the same time.) And holy shit, do the boys know the truth about Scott’s parentage? Because if not that is a massive angst bomb about to drop on the three of them (because of everything that happened with Claudia). I feel the need for a drink just thinking about it.

Also, that SPN shit is getting wilder by the day. I think Misha may have put out some sort of video earlier about the reactions and theories, but I haven’t actually watched it to see if it’s shade or towing the party line. I feel very “I don’t really go here, but I did do a semester abroad here and enjoyed it immensely so now I feel unwillingly invested in the outcome” about the whole thing. I also really, REALLY want to scream at my friend who also watches about all of it, but she didn’t see the last few episodes, and is militantly anti-spoiler, so I just have to sit here and quietly vibrate with impatience until she some day sees the ending. (Or someone else spoils it and I don’t have to take the blame. XD )

And I’m really glad you liked the story! I was kinda worried about that one, so I’m glad its gotten so much love. Although it’s also kinda funny to me, because it’s the one that’s most likely to cause thoughts like “oh, I could have phrased that better” or “jesus, I’ve got to stop using that word so often” when I read through it.

So I’ve seen that Doctor Who post you shared, but never that version of it, and I love it because it is completely right about Torchwood, and also leaves out my least favorite character from the summary, who is very much like an older, female version of Scott. Same tendency towards narcissistic arrogance, and irritating self-righteousness. I could rant for days about it (don’t worry, I won’t. XD ) Anyway, I was very amused by the whole thing.

I feel like there were other things (there usually are), but I’ve also just remembered that I had dishes sitting in a sink full of water, and I should really probably check on those. ’>.> Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better, and I look forward to whatever creative outlet you eventually decide on, because it’ll be great either way. (And if my brain lets me focus that long I’ll try to come up with some Noah headcanons for your post!) Take care! *Hugs to you both!*

Sup B? My day went alright I guess? Said new sofa arrived at 9 am and was big enough to completely block the doorway. And bulky enough and the stairs small enough that getting it up the stairs was a matter of trying to wrestle an object of 86 pounds up an area that is smaller than said object, on my own, while I don’t have the strength to lift it above my head. And having a turn in the stairs meant that at some point I had to slip under the couch, got stuck between the couch and the wall and couldn’t get out. Almost called 112 (911 for Dutch people) because I got so stuck it was crushing my ribs but then my phone dropped out of my pocket and I couldn’t reach it.

It was then that I remembered a trick from my days as a tree climber (from when I was a kid and climbed a lot of trees and other places), which was, arms up, tummy in. Though my goddamn boobs got in the way (I seriously want these off and I can’t wait for surgery.) And I slipped free enough to end up on the other end where I proceeded to somewhat lift the couch up enough to eventually get it on the plateau of the hallway. Where I put it on one end and scooted it into my apartment.

But yeah that was an adventure, the couch got lightly damaged in the process and I am hurting all over. But, I succeeded. I was out of commission for the rest of the day though. Didn’t do much beside that. And I didn’t have a pivot! pivot! moment. Mostly because 1. I never really watched friends, and whenever it is on tv I quickly zap to another channel. 2. There was no room to pivot or turn it. This is a small ass stairs in a small ass house in a small ass country XD.

And hey, those are good accomplishments! You got your boxes, check 1, you cleared your space, check 2, you can be proud of that! I’m proud of you. And I’m very curious as to what your Christmas tree is going to look like ^^.

This is making me smile in one of those, hehehehehe gleeful ways only an author can smile in. Making my day here. And I’m glad I could provide that distraction for you. And the letter coding is (H (human), T (turned), W (Werewolf), K (Kitsune), Ban (Banshee), B (Beta, since that is basically the ‘trans’ coding), HH (Hellhound), D (druid) ) And I think that’s all of the coding I’m using right now. I didn’t fully update it yet, I generally do bits and pieces when writing something is not working but I do want to work on OUAT. So Isaac will be turned in the story, I just hadn’t added the T yet. Also not sure what I’ll keep on Chris just yet. Still debating on that one.) Some of the names might also still change. (as in baby boom #2 to keep it easy)

And Mr. Lahey, oh he’s gonna get it. Isaac is just gonna be unofficially adopted into the family even before he ends up with the person he ends up with. (hopefully that’s vague enough for tumblr XD)

Everybody loves Isaac, Kyra, and Lydia. Scott though, well, he needs to grow and convince the people around him, especially the person he ends up with. That’s gonna be something of a road trip too.

And no, neither the young generation or our boys know about Scott’s parentage. Peter has always suspected, but Mel never wanted to confirm it. When Noah learns, when Stiles, Malia and Scott learn.. Shit’s gonna hit the fan again. I already bought an extra bottle of wine to write it.

Yeah man, I can barely keep up with the rollercoaster that is SPN right now. But it’s SO compelling! Omg! I haven’t cared about this show in three years and suddenly it’s all back in my life and I don’t know how to feel. I honestly stopped watching again after they killed off Gabriel for the second time, and never got back into it. Until now. jfc.

I honestly loved it and despite it being 3 am when I read it I can still very clearly recall what happened and still smile. Which is a very good thing! I actually have your first fic open in a tab rn and once my brain wants to cooperate again, I’ll read that too because I honestly just really love your writing. You’re really good at it! Also remind me to rec all of your fics, I think I forgot that last night but I meant to. And sorry for the rambling, despite my day it is once again 2 am XD.

Hope your day has been going well too! I’ve almost finished recording all the needed episodes from Season 1 to start giffing for OUAT and will let you know when I can start posting. Hope your dishes went well too, and let me know if you have any headcanons, would love to hear them <3.

Now I am turning in though, I’m starting to fall asleep. Take care and lots of hugs from me and Mo. <3

#ben says stuff #my convos with anon #B #once upon a time comments #submission

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bixgirl1 · 7 years ago

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The Sexual Awakening Of An Innocent Pureblood, Dating The Randy Prat Who Lived - Ch. 20

Well, well, well! What do we have here? Are there some happy faces in the crowd? I know there were definitely at least two, yesterday, but I’m pretty sure they were too wrapped up in each other to get on to tumblr. (They waited so long, didn’t they?)

And so, for the for this week’s final post, @l0vegl0wsinthedark and I bring you what happens when Harry and Draco finally return to real life. (I believe we got some Ron requests? I swear you guys are psychic sometimes, jfc. LOLOL).

You can find the previous chapter here: Chapter 19. And for those just coming in or looking to refresh, the masterlist of chapters can be found here: Masterlist

Contains: Awkward conversations, inappropriate revelations, graphic references to to graphic sex and -- can anybody guess? -- the ever scandalous mouth pressing!

Chapter Twenty: Eleven

~MLE Headquarters, Monday, late morning~

Harry, stopping to help a messenger wizard who'd dropped a sheaf of parchment, smiling widely at his thank yous: No, no problem! Of course! Here to help! *claps him on the back* Have a great day! *is stopped by a random person who got lost; signs an autograph warmly* Anytime!

Ron, incredulous: Harry?

Harry, turning around and brightening: *crows* Ron! *wanders over to the doorway of Ron's office and pulls him into a hug* How are you?

Ron, gusting out a breath as he's thumped repeatedly on the back: Okay, so apparently we hug for no reason now?. *peers suspiciously into Harry's eyes when he's released* *whispers* Mate, if you're high, you should take something, I mean if someone finds out--

Harry, chuckling: *heads into his office as Ron follows, baffled: No, I'm just... In a good mood! *sits in a visitor chair, crossing one leg over the other and twitching his foot to an invisible beat* What about you? How's 'Mione? I haven't talked to you since…

Ron, standing lamely in the middle of his office, staring with his mouth open: ...Since last week, I suppose, at the Burrow. *tilts his head curiously* Why are you in a good mood?

Harry, full of energy, grinning: *shrugs* I just--am! What, am I not allowed to smile anymore? *glances around Ron's office* Need any help? I'm killing time before lunch.

Ron, rounding his desk: *sits down, leans back in his chair and scrutinises Harry closely* *abruptly* You're being promoted? Is that it?

Harry: *scoffs, still smiling* No! Honestly, I'm just--happy!

Ron: They're putting in a new coffee machine?

Harry, laughing: Are they? I don't know. I just feel good. Don't you ever have one of those days?

Ron, shrugging: I guess, I mean usually when 'Mione and I-- *eyes widening* Wait a minute-- *leans forward so suddenly his chair creaks* You didn't-- Did you?!

Harry, unable to repress a smile: *staring down at his knees* *bites down on lip to keep his smile from growing* *studiously smooths a wrinkle from his trousers while not looking up* *innocently* Did I what?

Ron, staring fixedly, eyes slightly narrowed: *suddenly scoffs* No, you didn’t, not with the virgin! *uncertainly* D-did you? *hisses incredulously* Did you and Malfoy...?!

Harry, beaming:*bursts out happily* Eleven times this weekend! More if you count--*shakes head; giddy*--everything else. Eleven is a lot--he was pretty sore after the third--fourth?--round, but we're wizards! *nods sagely* Healing charms, you know?

Ron, spluttering vigorously: What the f-- how did-- I mean, when did you-- when did he-- *eyes suddenly bulging* Eleven?

Harry, delightedly: Eleven! And Ron! *looks up to the ceiling as if for answers, eyes going glazed as he remembers Draco laughing unabashedly when Harry bent him over the back of the couch, then gasping when Harry had covered him, sliding into him with one smooth thrust* You'd not believe the things he--we--did. It was... *swallowing hard* Perfect. Like, the way you talked about you and Hermione after the-- you know. He just wanted to try so much! He was just so eager and attentive and Jesus, I was right about his arse, I swear to fuck, I just-- *inhaling sharply with satisfaction, face wide open with untempered joy*

Ron, with a weird warbling sound: *shaking his head frantically* I'm not doing this again with you. Not without a drink. *looking around slightly crazed* Is this why you weren't answering your Floo?! You were buggering your boyfriend's brains out all weekend?

Harry: *nodding frantically, eyes wide and excited* Yes! *wandlessly Summons a bottle of Firewhiskey from Ron's cabinet; tosses it to him without thinking* *gets up and begins pacing* He's just... Like, wildly responsive. You know, he's been wanting to-- *makes an abortive hand gesture*--for the last, oh, month I guess? Since before my birthday. But I sort of accidentally hurt him that night, got all up in my head about it, especially since he hadn’t said-- But it just takes time, you know, Ron? For men. And prep. And sometimes spells. Spells help. And patience. And rimming, that works really well too-- *nods, half speaking to himself*--, I could fucking do that to him all day, the noises he makes as I tongue him. I wonder if I should pick up some flavoured lube... *laughs* Hell, not that he needs it, he tastes like-- *glances up to Ron, grinning*

Ron, looking like he's about to burst into furious tears: I will break up with you if you finish that sentence.

Harry: *staring at Ron intently, but really thinking of the way Draco had gasped and keened as Harry pressed him against the wall that morning, opening him up again with his tongue before jerking him around and lifting him, then fucking him so stupid he couldn't speak for ten minutes* *snaps to* What? Oh, yeah. Anyway. You know we've been--*sheepishly, considering his ramble* doing... stuff a lot lately, but I'm glad we saved it. This, you know? His arse, god, Eleven times, Ron, and he's so fucking tight and perfect around me each time, it's like... *gulps, stops pacing; heads back to the chair and drops into it* *bites his lip and leans forward, face oddly crumpled*

Ron: *checks his watch, shrugs resignedly* *unscrews Firewhiskey bottle and takes a swig* *wipes the back of his hand over his mouth* *hoarsely* What. What the fuck is it.

Harry, chin wobbling a little: *eyes bright* And do you know what else?* I'm in love with him. And he is too. I mean, with me. Malfoy--Draco Malfoy, do you get it?--is in love with me! We're in love with each other. You know, mate-- *shaking his head in stunned euphoria* I'm going to marry him, I think. Fuck, don't tell him that, okay? I should probably give him time to get used to the rest first… Hey, what time is it?

Ron, scrabbling for the bottle again: *takes a long gulp* *slams the bottle down* *wheezing* My lips are sealed. It's-- it's a quarter to twelve and you're really going to marry him?

Harry, happily: *nodding definitively* Yep, if he'll have me. He doesn't care about the Pureblood thing, not like I thought. *a small, private smile curves his lips as he remembers* *looks up, nods again; stuffs his hands into the pockets of his robes* You'll be my best man. *laughs at Ron's open mouth* Whether you like it or not. I've gotta go. *winks; snickering* Lunch date. My place. I'll see you later, okay? Say hi to Hermione?

Ron, croaking: Will do. *fervently under his breath* As if I even have a choice. Do as the wife says. Do as the arsehole best mate says. Who are you, Ron Weasley, what are you?

Harry, overhearing: *calls out over his shoulder as he walks away* A great fucking friend! See you later. Uh, probably shouldn't Floo tonight either!

Ron, strangled scream: I'm never Flooing you again!

~Monday, late morning, The Ministry of Magic, cafeteria~

Pansy, examining the lettuce on her plate: *wrinkles her nose* How is one supposed to eat this again? *inches her plate away with two fingers* We could have gone somewhere else, Draco. *under her breath* Anywhere else…

Draco, one elbow on the table with a shocking lack of etiquette, head resting on his hand, goofy smile on his face: *poking at his sandwich* Oh, it's not that bad... *sighs, smile widening slightly*

Pansy: *lip curls* What. What is that? *points to his face* *sighs* Can you just tell me how you fucked up with Potter again so I can get out of here?

Draco, blinking up at her in surprise: Fucked up? As in something going wrong between Harry and me? *shakes head, hair falling into his eyes, shy smile creeping in*

Pansy: *narrows her eyes* Draco. Do not tell me that I dragged my Prada covered arse down to the Ministry for-- *disdainfully* --lunch for no fucking reason or I swear I'll hex your bollocks to your thigh.

Draco, chewing his lip nervously, a flush steadily rising up his cheeks: *half hearted scowl* Isn't meeting me reason enough? We missed lunch this Saturday, so I thought we'd make up for it.

Pansy, giving him a flat glare: We "missed lunch" as you so eloquently put it, because you stood me up and had your boyfriend send me a Patronus three hours late, Draco. You didn't even give me a good excuse! "Busy, Pans, will owl?" And now I get soggy lettuce and no gossip about trouble with the Golden Boy. *shaking head, ebony hair bouncing* Why couldn't we have met at a proper restaurant?

Draco, eyes far away as he thinks back two days to when he remembered halfway through sucking Harry off that he was supposed to be at lunch with Pansy and refusing to continue until Harry sent her a Patronus; blushing at the memory being taken apart by Harry minutes after the Patronus galloped out: *coughing awkwardly* Oh-- I-- *lamely* I have an early meeting…

Pansy: *snaps* It's called Apparition, Draco, Jesus. *crosses her arms over her chest* What the hell is going on with you lately? You look-- you look-- *pauses, brows drawing in; perplexed* Well, weird. Are you okay?

Draco, sighing deeply, sagging into his chair with another smile: More than okay, Pansy... *runs a hand through his hair* Merlin…

Pansy, rolling her eyes: All right, I get it, you're mad for him. He's got a very strong and lean body and he's an extremely skilled mouth presser and you think he may really care about you, though you wish you could be sure and you let him see your chest and you hate his stupid scar and all the attention he gets-- *off his surprised look* --Oh, what? *exaggerated* Excuse me, but you've only been ranting about him for fifteen bloody years! I'm over the shock that you're dating him, Draco. Either give him something good or I'm going somewhere I can eat. *glowers at her plate*

Draco, with suspiciously narrowed eyes: How do you know about his body?

Pansy, scowling: You told me, you daft idiot! You mumbled it over dinner a couple of months ago--*pointedly*--which you rushed through, by the way. Something about having a night-time Seeker's game with him. *disgusted; voice mocking* "He still looks good in his Quidditch Leathers, Pansy..."

Draco, sighing with a grin: But he does look good in them-- *dreamily* ...And even out of them, fuck, but his body is-- *presses his lips together, turning a vivid red and refusing to acknowledge Pansy's interested eyebrow lift* I-- I mean…

Pansy, slowly: Yes, what.. do you mean, Draco? *mouth pursing into an unholy smirk* *teasingly scandalised* Are you telling me that you've seen Potter in less than full attire? Last time you talked to me about this, you were still wavering on whether to try taking off his shirt. You've been... *drums her nails on the table, examining him as his blush deepens and he shifts, avoiding her eyes* ...suspiciously quiet about him since then, come to think of it. Potter's either very patient or it's possible you might have actually...hmmmm... *wickedly triumphant, lowering her voice* You've seen him in his pants, haven't you! Did you--did you let him see you in yours?

Draco, frozen in a wide eyed stare as he recalls Harry fucking him into the tiles in his shower, Draco's cock in his hand, both of their pants forgotten somewhere on the floor of his room for over two days: *scrabbles for his bottle of water and downing a large gulp* *wiping his mouth and carefully avoiding her eyes* S-something like that…

Pansy, sighing: *instantly growing bored* Right. Well, congratulations on finally deciding to take off his shirt. *straining to be nice through gritted teeth* I'm very happy that you like each other and that you've seen bits of his body, but I actually am hungry, Draco, so--

Draco, almost vibrating on the spot, hands balled into fists, eyes overbright and slightly crazed: *bursting out suddenly* Harry and I did all the naked touching! *slaps a hand over his mouth as Pansy puts down her fork*

Pansy, waving a lazy hand: Yes, yes now can we-- *screeches, half-rising in her seat* --Naked touching? What kind of nak-- *at the sharp, panicked hex Draco sends her way* *sits back down, eyes huge, mouth working silently for several long seconds* *faint, disbelieving* A-all the naked touching? *breathes deep, recovering a bit* So... You... Used your.... Hands on him then? Right?

Draco, visibly fighting off a smile but looking completely mortified: Hands... *leans forward and whispers* M-mouth-- everything. *panting* We did everything, Pans. *swallows hard*

Pansy: *sputtering* But you don't know what everything is!

Draco, licking his lips and finally breaking into a huge grin: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, my darling Pansy.

Pansy, blinking hard at Draco's smug look: *eyes go shifty* *airily* Oh, well,then I'm sure you know all about how he might want you on your hands and knees to... *raises an eyebrow as Draco looks at her without cringing* ...touch you... *slower; shocked when Draco's mouth pulls into a smirk* ...while you're naked? ...Draco, why aren't you shutting me up?

Draco, eyes shining: Why would I when he's already done all of that and-- *blushes deeper but continues anyway* --and I enjoyed it - so much?

Pansy, taken aback: *blurts* He'll want to put his cock in your arse!

Draco, shushing her and looking around: *glaring at her but looking very pleased* He did want to, yes. And he did. Several times. *thoughtfully* I lost count after the 7th time…

Pansy: *makes garbled, choking noise* *stunned* He didn't! You wouldn't! That just-- Draco! *searching gracelessly for words* I- you- you haven't even told me you'd taken off his shirt! *low and furious* If Potter convinced you to-- when you didn't want-- I'll Avada Kedavra the sonofa--

Draco, facepalming: For Merlin's sake-- *leaning forward and hissing* I asked him to. No, scratch that-- I begged him to. *leans back and crosses his arms and legs, smug and satisfied at her expression*

Pansy: *voice small* But-- but you hadn't taken off his shirt!

Draco, apologetically: Yes, well-- We've gone a lot beyond...shirt removal and, yes, I-- I haven't told you yet-- *before she can flare up* --But then I haven't told anyone!

Pansy, blankly: But... You're not married. *at Draco's sudden stricken look* *helplessly* I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. You know how I feel about-- but... Draco... It's always been so important to you to stay-- *shifts awkwardly*-- pure. And I know you're mad about him, and that Potter really likes you too, but if it turns out to be just that... *quietly* I just don't want you to get hurt.

Draco, looking slightly hurt: Do you think I'd...with just anyone? I love him, Pans... *softly* We're in love.

Pansy, eyes widening: Well, of course you wouldn't, but.... *softer, uncertain* Potter feels the same way? *attempting a smile* Maybe he has better taste than I thought.

Draco, nodding as he looks down at his hands: I don't have a doubt.

Pansy: *sighs, shoulders relaxing a bit* *lighter, smug* Well of course, how could he not? So... Do I get any details? *wheedling* Any? Assuming this is all true, of course, which honestly--I'm not completely convinced of…

Draco, narrowing his eyes playfully at her: I'm not new to your whole reverse psychology act, Pans-- *laughs at Pansy's excited lean forward* Maybe just this once. A little. What the hell can we even cover in the span of one lunch? It's barely enough time to tell about his sinfully talented tongue - I mean, Merlin, Pans, the things he's done to me with his ton--

Harry, jogging up to him, skidding to a halt: *swoops down and lifts Draco's face for a long, deep kiss, stroking into his mouth with his tongue for much longer than could be deemed remotely appropriate* *pulls back, breathless and flushed* *straightens, practically tap-dancing in place, face excited and eager* Hey, baby. Where've you been? I thought we were going to-- *notices Pansy, staring, her jaw hanging open* Er... Hey Parkinson, didn’t see you there. *back to Draco* --have lunch. *looking at him with unsubtle significance* We were going to head back to my place? For lunch. Remember? *jerking his head in a let's-get-out-of-here motion*

Pansy: Whaa--

Draco, beaming up at him: Well, I haven't eaten yet anyway, so-- *gets to his feet and takes Harry's hand, seemingly unable to stop himself kissing him swiftly once again* *gazing sappily at him as they turn away* *abruptly pauses and turns back* Pansy, darling, you don't mind, do you? *stares intently, eyes pleading openly*

Pansy: *whispering* You did. You really did. Salazar. *turns to Harry, clearing her throat as she sizes him up* If you hurt him, I'll make that scar on your forehead the least painful thing you've ever had to endure. *stands, turning to Draco* Of course not. I need to find some real food anyway. Ta for the chat, love. *pointedly* Owl me later. *walks away*

Harry, staring after her in astonishment: What'd I do?

Draco, kissing his jaw to regain his attention: *low* I was hoping, me.

Harry, breath catching: *raises eyebrows as his mouth curves*

Draco: *returns the feral grin he receives; drags him out determinedly*

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