#jewish dad joke

[skankhunt44]

The most cringe Jewish joke I've ever seen, but I love it ❤️

[frownyalfred]

joke’s on everyone sending me shit because I’m going to Jewishpost about Bruce Wayne even harder now.

reasons I think Bruce Wayne is a Jewish Dad (non-canon reasons, just things he does that remind me of Jewish Dads I know):

he has longstanding beef with multiple people downtown but won’t explain

currently walking around with an injury he should’ve seen a doctor about at least two years ago

observing his kid do something stupid and hurt themselves “why did you do that?”

either has no adult friends at all or has a bunch but they’re all kinda weird so he never brings them up

happiest with the NYT crossword and coffee strong enough to pass as rocket fuel

loves his children. has trouble saying this out loud, explicitly, to his children

can fall asleep anywhere

[wilsonpussyindulgence]

if you ever doubt how WHITE Seattle is, know that I just did an audition for THIS ROLE

because they specifically called me in for it

[orcelito]

Ok. Real question. How many people Actually have believed in Santa? Bc I never did, mostly bc my dad never bothered with the entire pretense, so the whole concept is just. Really fucking strange to me

Putting an actual poll bc I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit thinking about how apparently widespread it is. Like. It's just so... weird? Why is this the thing people have popularized? It makes no sense.

[soulgathered]

jokes ro.mani should make : "the only time I don't keep kosher is when I let ( name ) go ham"

[docotokautism]

are these too specific

[shalom-iamcominghome]

A positive to never having cut my hair after shaving it off: insta payos

[couriernewvegas]

going to have lunch on rosh hashanah with friend i havent seen in awhile yay :)

[thevagueambition]

a thing that sometimes happens with weird edgy men with no situational awareness but who are public figures is that some edgy joke or comment goes viral as the reason they suck when like, in reality they definitely do suck, but for entirely different reasons that don't garner the same public attention

[mx-paint]

.

[psychologeek]

okay, i think i figured this out

"Hogwarts legacy" - well, apparently that legacy is "a child missing? let's kill those long-nose outsiders! they ate MY BABY!"

I wonder if it was the creator's Final Solution?

you know, since there is a gas crisis in Europe.

[is it too dark? maybe. am i still going to use it? HELL YEA]

tag ppl i think would like it: @dreamofbecoming @burntloaf

@evilwickedme @a-witch-in-endor @balsa-margarita

so many goyish trans ppl like 'ill pirate it i dont give a fuck' like okay. catch my block. i really dont care what your excuse is, there is no reason to play Blood Libel: The Reckoning (Where The Main Task Is To "Clear Out" Goblin Hovels Because Otherwise They Would Kill And Eat Pureblooded Children). like i just dont care what your excuse is. i really fucking don't

There's 100,000 better games on itch.io for a couple dollars max. go pirate Disco Elysium or Barbie's Horse Adventure or something. go outside and make some friends. do literally anything else. how hard is it to just not play a fucking video game that sucks and is bad?

[theiloveyousong]

i'm a proud jewish american princess

[girlfictions]

something i’ve been thinking about lately is like. growing up muslim right after 9/11 is something i’d never really reflected on much because it was all i’d ever known — at 5, my friend’s mum didn’t let her invite me to her birthday party because i was the only brown girl in our class, at 12, my classmates would joke about my family being part of isis, at 16, my dad was interrogated by american airport security for hours — and it always stung and it always hurt but it was just the way things were because the western world hated muslims. but i don’t think i’ve ever fully comprehended the extent to which we were hated until now.

palestine is being turned into a mass graveyard. every single day there are new photos of the atrocities being carried out against them and videos of them pleading for help and still those who can actually intervene turn a blind eye. israel is claiming to only be targeting hamas “terrorists” while bombing a refugee camp. israeli police raided and assaulted a non-zionist jewish neighbourhood. israeli soldiers are posting tiktoks of them torturing captured palestinians. this is not a complicated issue and it never has been. ethnic cleansing is being committed right in front of us. and yet the western world leaders refuse to call for a ceasefire.

and while zionist organisations accuse pro-palestine demonstrations of anti-semitism, while zionist celebrities insist that they’re afraid to leave their mansions in los angeles, a six year old muslim boy was stabbed to death and his mother wounded in the same attack in chicago. a muslim doctor was murdered while sitting outside her apartment complex in texas. hundreds of peaceful protesters have been arrested (many of whom have been jewish). despite what zionists want you to believe, this is not a jewish/muslim conflict. i have so much love and gratitude to my brave jewish brothers and sisters all over the world who are condemning israel for their actions.

ultimately, israel have been granted impunity by the west. they have slaughtered thousands upon thousands of innocent palestinians. they have bombed hospitals and schools indiscriminately. they have used white phosphorus, violating the geneva convention. they have completely eradicated nearly 900 bloodlines. how many more need to be wiped out? how many more children need to be buried underneath the rubble? how many more doctors need to be confronted with the bodies of their own family members? how many more journalists need to detail the horrific acts of violence they are witnessing? what more can be done to the palestinian people that has not been done already?

i truly believe that palestine will be free one day. i believe the palestinian people will receive the justice they finally deserve. but what breaks my heart is how much they have suffered and will continue to suffer before they are deemed worthy of help. and it would be to all of our detriment if we ignored how much of a factor palestine being a predominantly muslim state has played into the way the world has reacted to their genocide.

[giraffeonstrike]

Catfish, livers, and "fries" (latkes) acquired. I was given advanced notice because they wanted *me* to make it. Frying catfish and livers outside so it doesn't make the entire house fishy or liver-y, and my wife asks me:

"Is catfish kosher?"

No, but neither am I so it's fine?

"Is kangaroo kosher?"

Um...no?

"You know what IS kosher though? GIRAFFE MEAT."

I will not repeat the joke I made about her putting giraffe meat in her mouth, it was not kosher. Thank you and goodnight...

[deadpool-scar-bro]

guess who's getting a second exorcism tomorrow?? :D

[dogboyboyshorts]

pt 2 of me complainging about anime thumbnails that misinterpret my favorite girls. Why would you say this about her. i get that all of the eva kids are doomer as hell or whatever and would Absolutely be chronically online if given access to the internet (this is what serial experiments lain is about), but do you seriously think its reasonable to take a girl whose kind of abrasive and misguided and go “yeah she would definitely do a swan dive into the alt right pipeline”. Rude. shes just a bruh girl and this is what you do to her