#jesus what a ride the wick movies have been

[pastafossa]

Watched John Wick 4 finally and I'm emotional no one talk to me

[sleepyskunk]

List of Movies / 2023 Movie Trailer Mashup

* * *  PART I - I WOULD STILL FOLLOW YOU  * * *

0:00 - Barbie (double shot)

0:04 - Peter Pan and Wendy

0:06 - The Iron Claw

0:08 - River (double shot)

0:11 - Second tour

0:13 - Barbie

0:19 - Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

0:21 - Canary

0:22 - Soudain Seuls

0:24 - Killers of the Flower Moon

0:26 - When You Finish Saving the World

 « Why did you look for me? I just wanted to see you one more time. Because you left so suddenly. » - Past Lives

0:26 - The Magic Flute (triple shot)

0:32 - Past Lives

0:35 - A Thousand and One

0:36 - King Coal

0:37 - Les Enfants des Autres

0:39 - The Velveteen Rabbit (double shot)

 « I still think about what would've happened if you hadn't left. I've been kind of wondering the same thing recently. » - Somebody I Used to Know

0:41 - Somebody I Used to Know (double shot)

0:44 - What Happens Later (double shot)

0:45 - Love at First Sight

0:47 - Earth Mama (double shot)

« Is it better to have had a good thing and lost it, or never to have had it. » - Love at First Sight

0:49 - The Other Zoey (double shot)

0:51 - Love Again (double shot)

0:52 - Scrapper (double shot)

0:54 - Oppenheimer

0:56 - Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

0:57 - Amerikatsi

0:58 - The Last Voyage of the Demeter (double shot)

1:00 - Pravednik

1:02 - Lord of the Wind

1:03 - The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (double shot)

1:05 - Society of the Snow (double shot)

1:08 - Lord of the Wind

1:09 - The Creator (double shot)

1:11 - Sitting in Bars with Cakes

« Even if you chose the saddest, darkest, coldest town, all I knew is that I’d follow you. Because you just... see the spark in everything. » - Sitting in Bars with Cake

1:12 - Elemental (triple shot)

1:15 - The Boy and the Heron

1:16 - Wish (double shot)

1:19 - The Tunnel to Summer, the Exit of Goodbyes (double shot)

1:21 - NYAD

1:22 - Knights of the Zodiac

1:23 - Migration

1:26 - The Little Mermaid

« Just remember, the thing you're running from is almost always the thing you're running towards. » - Carmen

1:28 - Poor Things

1:30 - Peter Pan & Wendy

1:32 - The Eight Mountains

1:33 - Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

1:34 - Trolls: Band Together

1:35 - 65

1:36 - The Mission

« But this... this is the place to be. » - Mending the Line

1:38 - Jesus Revolution

1:39 - Knock at the Cabin

1:41 - Mending the Line

1:42 - The Unknown Country

1:43 - The Color Purple

1:44 - The Royal Hotel (double shot)

* * *  PART II - BITCH I GOT 'EM GOIN' CRAZY  * * *

1:46 - Skinamarink (double shot)

1:53 - Cobweb (triple shot)

« Don't be scared. I just wanna talk. It seems to be that you could use a friend. I know I could. But if you don't want one, I'll just leave. » - Cobweb

2:01 - The Boogeyman (quadruple shot)

2:09 - M3GAN (septuple shot)

2:19 - The Wrath of Becky (quadruple shot)

2:21 - Bottoms (triple shot)

2:24 - Theater Camp

2:25 - Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (quadruple shot)

2:28 - Evil Dead Rise (double shot)

2:29 - The Seven Faces of Jane

2:30 - 80 for Brady (double shot)

2:32 - Millie Lies Low

2:33 - Flora and Son (double shot)

2:34 - House Party

2:35 - Anyone But You (double shot)

2:36 - Dicks: The Musical

2:37 - Next Goal Wins

2:37 - Magic Mike's Last Dance

2:38 - Joy Ride

2:40 - Juniper

2:44 - House Party (double shot)

2:45 - Fair Play (double shot)

2:46 - Dumb Money (double shot)

2:48 - The Beanie Bubble (double shot)

2:49 - Flamin' Hot

« Nobody ever got rich without doing no crime. » - Your Lucky Day

2:50 - Your Lucky Day

2:50 - Eileen

2:51 - Priscilla (double shot)

2:52 - The Outlaw Johnny Black

2:54 - Barbie (double shot)

2:57 - No Hard Feelings (double shot)

2:58 - Joy Ride (quadruple shot)

« You're drug dealers now, bitches! » - Joy Ride

3:03 - Talk to Me

3:04 - birth/rebirth

3:05 - Venus

3:05 - Amanda

3:06 - Silent Night

3:07 - Thanksgiving

3:08 - The Killer

3:09 - Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken

3:10 - Til Death Do Us Part

3:11 - The Blackening

3:12 - Blue Beetle

3:13 - John Wick Chapter 4 (double shot)

3:15 - Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (triple shot)

3:18 - Shazam: Fury of the Gods

3:19 - Godzilla Minus One

3:20 - A Brighter Tomorrow (triple shot)

3:21 - Second Tour (double shot)

« I just want you to know one thing. I'm not a monster. » - Anatomy of a Fall

3:22 - Mafia Mamma

3:23 - The Equalizer 3

3:24 - Fast X

3:25 - The Marsh King's Daughter

3:26 - Plane

3:26 - Anatomy of a Fall

3:28 - Hypnotic

« You don't look so good, mom... Open up now! » - Evil Dead Rise

3:29 - The Pope's Exorcist

3:30 - Unwelcome (double shot)

3:31 - Evil Dead Rise

3:32 - It Lives Inside

3:34 - House Party (double shot)

« That is the craziest thing I've ever seen, and I'm Dennis Quaid and Dennis Quaid has seen some shit. » - Strays

3:36 - Strays

3:41 - Infinity Pool

3:42 - Scream VI (double shot)

« You f*ckin nutjob! » - Sanctuary

3:43 - Sanctuary (double shot)

« Let's decimate this mother! » - Polite Society

3:45 - Polite Society (triple shot)

3:48 - Miss Marvel

« There was a bear. It was f*cked! Hey, that's inappropriate. » - Cocaine Bear

3:50 - Cocaine Bear (sixtuple shot)

3:59 - Five Nights at Freddy's (triple shot)

4:01 - No One Will Save You (quadruple shot)

« And now I have become death, the destroyer of worlds. » - Oppenheimer

4:06 - Hidden Blade

4:07 - The Flash

4:09 - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

4:10 - Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

4:11 - The Creator

* * *  PART III - ART FROM A TRUTHFUL PLACE  * * *

4:14 - Oppenheimer (double shot)

4:18 - The Wish of Fairy Fish

« History is not simply a study of the past, it is an explanation of the present. » - The Holdovers

4:19 - The Holdovers (double shot)

4:21 - Emily (double shot)

4:22 - Hilma

4:24 - Paint

« In Japanese culture, the belief is that the cracks, the breaks... become an intrinsic part of the life of an object. An object becomes more beautiful because it's been broken. » - Rare Objects

4:25 - Rare Objects (double shot)

4:28 - The Zone of Interest

4:29 - Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

4:31 - Oppenheimer

4:33 - Cats in the Museum

4:34 - Insidious: The Red Door

4:35 - Inside

4:36 - Revoir Paris

4:37 - Air (double shot)

4:39 - Tetris (double shot)

4:42 - Blackberry (triple shot)

4:45 - La Chimera

4:47 - A Million Miles Away

4:48 - American Fiction (double shot)

« What's the image tucked away in your brain, that makes your heart ache and your soul feels like it's going to burst? » - Paint

4:50 - Paint

4:52 - The Nun II

4:53 - Dream Scenario

4:54 - Bird Box: Barcelona

4:56 - El Conde

4:57 - Beau is Afraid

4:59 - The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

5:00 - Poor Things

5:01 - Asteroid City

« When you make art from a truthful place, people find out something about you. » - The Kill Room

5:03 - Carmen

5:07 - A Haunting in Venice

5:08 - The Nun II (double shot)

5:11 - Maestro

5:13 - Oppenheimer

5:14 - Gods of Mexico

5:15 - Killers of the Flower Moon

« Ideas live forever, but humans only have one ending. » - Barbie

5:16 - Wonka (double shot)

5:18 - The Forger

5:19 - L'Immensità

5:20 - All of Us Strangers

5:22 - A Good Person

« You can't have it all, kid. » - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

5:23 - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

5:26 - Bones of Crows

« Nobody dies! Now we have to stop. Sometimes you just have to let go. » - The Flash

5:27 - The Flash (double shot)

5:30 - Napoleon (double shot)

5:31 - Haunted Mansion (double shot)

5:33 - Beau is Afraid

5:35 - 65

5:36 - Evil Dead Rise

5:37 - Oppenheimer

5:38 - The Animal Kingdom

5:39 - Ferrari

« Cats die. Music fades. But art... is for keeps. » - Inside

5:40 - The Exorcist: Believer

5:40 - Foe

5:41 - Gods of Mexico

5:42 - Peter Pan & Wendy

5:44 - Spinning Gold (double shot)

5:45 - The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

5:46 - Landscape with Invisible Hand (double shot)

5:48 - Hilma

5:49 - Inside

5:50 - Chile '76

5:51 - Hidden Blade

5:51 - Divinity

5:52 - Oppenheimer

5:53 - The Super Mario Bros Movie

5:53 - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (double shot)

5:54 - The Boy and the Heron

5:55 - Chevalier

5:55 - The Beast

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

Pixar was on quite the winning streak for most of its existence. From the very first Toy Story in 1995 up through Toy Story 3 in 2010, they built up an image of producing incredible, emotional animated features that really redefined the medium. Ratatouille, WALL-E, Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc., Up… Sure, sometimes they’d release something like Cars or A Bug’s Life that wasn’t praised quite to the high heavens, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would call the movies outright bad. But then, in 2011, Pixar’s home run streak came to a screeching halt as Cars 2 pumped those brakes hard on their endless victory with critics.

Cars isn’t the most beloved property to begin with, criticized for its generic plot and clunky worldbuilding, though at least it’s cute, endearing, and fun for kids. It’s absolutely not anything the world was hankering for a sequel for, but John Lasseter is quite skilled at forcing unwanted things on others. The Cars franchise is his pet project, so he pushed this right on through, and Disney was probably not inclined to say no to him considering the merch sales from the first movie (though it’s not like a ‘no’ ever stopped Lasseter before). What came from this was the only Pixar film to ever be a complete critical dud, Lasseter deciding to step away from the directing chair, and the fans and even the sequel pretending that this film absolutely never happened.

There hasn’t really been much of a reappraisal of this film over the years, mostly because that means you have to suffer through 90 minutes of Larry the Cable Guy (a fate reserved only for the most wicked sinners in the deepest bowels of Hell), but I mean really, even if it’s not great it’s still a Pixar movie! Is it really that bad? Well, fasten your seatbelts because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride as I try and elaborate on this utterly bonkers kid film.

THE GOOD

Yes, forget what Mr. Enter or the Nostalgia Critic told you, there is some good stuff here.

If there is one thing in this movie that is completely, unironically amazing, it’s the settings. We’re kind of on a world tour here, going to all these beautiful new locations that are animated with a level of detail and beauty that’s almost insane for a movie about talking cars. This isn’t too surprising, as the first film was rather gorgeous as well when we got to explore around Radiator Springs, but this is a whole new level.

But if we’re talking in a somewhat ironic sense, the absolute biggest quality this film has is how completely and utterly batshit insane it is when you get right down to it. This seriously feels like the sort of film where absolutely no one gave a shit in the best way possible, and it leads to an absolute goldmine of ludicrousness.

This of course starts with the fact this is a spy thriller WITH FUCKING CARS. We have Jason Isaacs and Bruce Campbell cameoing as spies… and then we get to see the former’s ground-up corpse onscreen, and we get to watch the latter be tortured and brutally executed! Yes, this family film has a body count, and it doesn’t even stop there, as plenty of bad guys get crushed, shot at, blown up… And that’s not even getting into the fact the third act is about stopping the assassination of Lightning McQueen, which also features Mater having a bomb strapped to him! Literally who the fuck thought of this?

And then there’s some of the absurd worldbuilding, which includes the Queen of England being a car and the actual fucking Pope appearing as a sentient Popemobile. This, along with Mater confirming that Catholicism is real, raises so many questions you’ve likely seen brought up many times before, not the least of which is how the crucifixion of Jesus Chrysler went, were there Crusades and an Inquisition, and are there car Chick Tracts in this universe? Cars have bathrooms, cars eat wasabi, cars drink water, planes and boats and trains are all sentient as well… The more and more they establish new things, the less and less anything about this world makes sense, and the more it feels like they just came up with a regular human spy thriller and just slapped cars onto every character. But hey, you get to see a car do karate, and that is genuinely, hilariously absurd.

Oh, yeah, and they essentially give Sally a foot fetish. I’m not fucking kidding.

THE BAD

Mater. Just… Mater.

Mater is a character best enjoyed in small doses; he wasn’t incredibly overbearing in the first film, after all. But apparently Lasseter really thought the world wanted this character to be the star of his own show. Leave it to a sex offender to think Larry the Cable Guy is funny enough to headline a major motion picture. Mater is just plain unfunny in this film, and what’s worse, he’s annoying. He getsin a few good scenes here and there, maybe a chuckle or two, but those moments are few and far between, buried under an avalanche of cringe. He’s an absolute idiot and a hindrance to everyone around him, which could lead to some really good comedy a la Johnny English or Naked Gun if written better.

It’s not written better. The two main spies, Finn McMissile and Holley Shiftwell, just completely and utterly believe Mater is a spy right up until the third act, never questioning anything as he bumbles through every single mission. Sure, they always end up succeeding, but still! It’s absurd they actually ever thought Mater was legitimate for even a moment, because he did nothing but jeopardize them at every turn. And that’s not even getting in to how Mater is a

Yes, Mater starts the movie getting all mopey and sad because Lightning wants to go out with his girlfriend and not have Mater third wheel. Then Mater inserts himself into Lightning’s pit crew, costs him his first race, and generally just mopes around about how much an incompetent boob everyone thinks he is. It’s even worse because, despite Mater demonstrably being a hindrance to his friends, the narrative bends over backwards to exonerate him, leading to an extremely cringeworthy segment at the end where Lightning chases down Mater, spouts the most homoerotic apologies you’ll ever hear from a talking car, and essentially says that if people don’t like Mater, that’s their problem and they’re the ones who need to change. Not the best message to send to kids, mind you.

And of course there’s how Mater’s spy plot distracts from the racing. You know, the thing this franchise built its image on. I get that second films like to mix things up and try new things, see what works and what doesn’t while a franchise isn’t fully established—it’s led to great films like Freddy’s Revenge, Gremlins 2,  and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom—but I really don’t think “Violent spy thriller” was the right direction to take the cartoonish and goofy world of Cars. Yes, it’s absolutely hilarious seeing cars brutally murdered, a menacing evil German Bond villain car, and the attempted assassination of Owen Wilson via death ray and, when that fails, terrorist attack… But there’s really no denying that they’re kind of going way too far out there, and these aren’t really concepts the originals fans or even the target audience of this film are going to gel with.

The rancid, rotten cherry on top is how this film has what would become the Disney standard a few years down the road: The twist villain. No, the legitimately creepy and intimidating German doctor is not our big bad, it’s a villain who was hidden in plain sight the whole movie and who is both completely obviously the villain and also nonsensically the villain. Their entire motivation doesn’t make a lick of sense, as they essentially funneled all their resources into creating an alternate energy that they were planning to sabotage to force everyone to rely on oil… oil they already had in the first place. And to this end, the villain decided the best course of action is to publicly assassinate popular racers using this alternate energy to give it a bad name. Worst of all, this stupid twist villain utterly wastes Eddie Izzard. It’s so bad that Bellwether, Hans, and Evelyn Deavor all look better and more interesting in comparison.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Ok, yes, this movie is bad. Or more accurately, it’s not good. But after hearing this movie described as some sort of crime against humanity for so long, I was kind of surprised to find it was kind of enjoyable?

Yes, Mater is annoying and the plot is filled with nonsense, but there’s just so much insanity, absurdity, and “what the fuck” moments that it’s kind of endearing. It very much feels like the spiritual successor to Freddie as F.R0.7., one of my favorite animated films of all time, and while it never quite reaches those levels of enjoyable insanity, it’s hard to deny there is a bit of that Pixar charm keeping this from being unwatchably bad.

Currently it sits at a 6.2 on IMDB, and, yeah, that’s way too high. This is a 5.2 at highest, and I’d even go as low as 4. But I definitely think this film is definitely “so bad it’s good” as opposed to the just plain bad I’ve heard reviewers parrot for the past decade or so. It could be a good, if somewhat misguided, film to ease kids into the spy thriller genre, and at any rate it’s not really ever boring. So long as you can at least kind of tolerate Mater’s stupid antics and how the universe seems to go out of its way to suck his dick, this one’s not the worst thing to put on. If nothing else, it’s worth a watch for morbid curiosity alone.

Really, it feels more like one of those “Mater’s Tall Tales” short segments stretched to feature length than anything else... which probably explains why it isn’t canon. This whole movie is just a bullshit yarn spun by Mater to impress tourists! It all makes too much sense, guess I can just crank that score up to a 10/10 now.

[some-kindofgnome]

Kinktober #29: Fade In: Katsuki Bakugou

On a late-night movie date, you and Bakugou have the theatre to yourselves. You take advantage. 

Characters: Katsuki Bakugou / f!Reader

Warnings: smut (18+ please!), aged-up characters, overworked pro hero Bakugou, movie theatre (public) sex, lots of dirty talk, Bakugou’s sailor mouth

Notes: Today’s prompt was “Dirty Talk.” The premise is inspired by real-life events that are FAR more innocent than I’m making them sound. 😂  I’m enjoying writing all of these little Bakugou bits! Let me know if you want to see more of our grumpy boi after Kinktober.

Kinktober Masterlist

The city is buzzing with life, even at 10pm on a Tuesday.

You drag Bakugou out of the train station, practically hauling him up the stairs and dashing across the street in the last few seconds of a walk light. A few months ago, you’d have been amazed that he’s even holding your hand in public, but these days he’s quite happy to- even if he pouts the whole time.

It’s a warmer night for the season, so you’ve got on something cute- with a playful little skirt swishing around your bare thighs. You figure there’s no better night to push your comfort zone than one you plan to spend sitting in a dark theatre.

Comfort zone or not, you feel cute. Especially given how many glances you’ve caught Bakugou stealing at your legs.

You’re meeting this late on a weeknight because it’s the only chance that Bakugou actually has to see you. He’s been busting ass night and day at the agency lately, and he’s been pulling weekends for months. You’ve got work in the morning, but you’re so thrilled to actually go out with him you don’t mind.

It’s not like your job is particularly exciting these days, anyway.

You file into the theatre, snag a popcorn to share, and take your seats. You’re the first ones in the theatre, which doesn’t surprise you- this movie’s been out for a while, and it’s not exactly a primetime showing.

Besides, you’re early.

You catch up a little, taking handfuls of buttery popcorn. Bakugou does not like taking on the role of sidekick, but he’s way ahead of the rest of his classmates even landing a job like that at twenty-one. Still, everyone knows that sidekicks are some of the most overworked heroes in the game.

It’s not until the theatre goes dark and the previews start that you realize. Nobody else is coming.

Holy shit.

“Are we seriously the only ones in this theatre right now?” You turn to Bakugou in nervous disbelief. He gives an absent little shrug, reaching for more popcorn.

“I’ll still kick your ass if you start texting halfway through.” He shoots you a wicked smirk, stroking an indulgent palm affectionately over your thigh. You’ve still got goosebumps from the chill outside, but fresh ones race across your skin when he touches you.

It’s been a while. For both of you.

“Be honest.” His voice is gruff in your ear, cutting deeper than the noisy previews that flash across the giant screen. “You wore that skirt for me, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t wear it for anyone,” you chide. You rest your palm on top of his. His fingers curl against your thigh- and yours curl around his.

“So fuckin’ cute,” he growls. He nips at the lobe of your ear and you suppress a gasp. “Looked so naughty, stickin’ out the bottom of your jacket. Like you were walkin’ around the city with nothin’ on.”

“Stop,” you chide, heat rushing to your face. “We’re-“

“What? In public?”

Whatever witty retort you had planned dies in your throat. You’re the only ones in here. It’s dark. The doors are shut. The music is loud.

You’re not sure how long it’s actually been since they needed someone up there in the projection booth, but you’re pretty certain it’s empty.

Bakugou slips an arm around your shoulders and tugs you in close. He nuzzles the spot where your ear meets your jaw, then tilts his chin up and nibbles at the same place.

It’s getting harder to say no to him. Not that you were ever trying very hard to begin with.

You relax into his affections as the previews end and the movie itself rolls. The opening credits begin with a burst of music as you turn your head and surrender yourself to a searing kiss. Bakugou twines his fingers into your hair and tugs gently, tilting your head back for access to the bare column of your throat.

“D’you have… any idea… how long… I’ve been thinking about this,” he gasps into your skin. You try not to whimper. It doesn’t work.

Bakugou’s rough palm slides up the tender skin of your inner thigh. You part your legs just a little, encouraging him. His fingertips brush beneath the hem of your skirt. You’re already damp and heated, ready for him after what feels like a lifetime apart.

You’ve seen each other plenty over the past couple of weeks, but it was always in passing. You’d drop by the agency at lunch (and embarrass the shit out of him in the process), he’d come home to you exhausted on weeknights and pass out seconds after falling into bed. He’s so fucking overworked these days it’s a wonder he’s got any libido left at all.

You’re going to take what you can get.

“Fuck,” he snarls as his mouth trails back to your ear. “You’re wet for me already, sweetness? I knew you were into this kinda shit. So dirty, sweetheart, so fuckin’ naughty.”

“Katsuki,” you plead. He’s running his mouth especially hard tonight. It’s doing more for you than you’d care to admit.

“That’s it, baby,” he continues. “I know it makes you sloppy when I talk to you like this. C’mere, sweetness, lemme take care of you.”

He slips his arm down to your waist and drags you over the armrest into his lap. You don’t fight him, letting your thighs spread across his jeans. Immediately, he anchors one powerful arm around your waist to hold you in place, sliding his other hand between your thighs and pushing your underwear to the side.

“God,” he gasps against your shoulder as he sinks two fingers into your tight heat. “I’ve missed your pussy. I’ve missed fuckin’ you so goddamn much.”  He draws his fingers back and pushes them in again, settling into a slow rhythm. You’re right there with him, rolling your hips smoothly into his touch.

He’s hard already, stiff and excited down one leg of his jeans. You felt it the second he tugged you onto his thighs, and you’re not shy about rubbing yourself against it.

“That’s it, baby,” he growls. “You want it? You want my cock, right here in the fuckin’ theatre? You do, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” you find yourself whining. You never used to be adventurous. Not before Katsuki came along. But he makes you wild.

He lets go of you and you lean forward a little, letting him scoot backwards to fumble with his fly. He unzips, pulling his thick cock out and hiking your skirt up. You feel it, heated and already dripping with precum, against your ass.

With one hand braced on your hip, he lifts you. You tug your underwear out of the way and hold it there. As you sink down on him, he lets his head fall back against the seat with a feral groan.

“God damn, sweetness. Fuck, you’re as fuckin’ tight as ever. So goddamn wet for me. That’s it, ride my fat fucking cock. Shit, you really know how to milk it outta me, don’t you?”

You start to rock your hips atop his, keeping the movements subtle. As you let go of your panties, your skirt flops back down around your thighs, concealing your union. Bakugou keeps one hand braced on your hip while the other roams, tugging your shirt out of the top of your skirt and slipping his palm over your chest.

“Not… gonna last long,” he warns tightly behind you.

“Me neither,” you pant. It’s been too long for both of you.

Bakugou loses patience and lifts you by the hips, planting his feet on the sticky theatre floor and rutting up into you with a sloppy slap slap slap. He pants hard into your shoulder, sucking and biting at your tender skin and growling more filth into your ear.

“That’s better. God, I really needed to fuck you, baby. Look at you. You’re gonna cum so fast on just my cock. You’ve been holdin’ out on me this whole time, huh?”

He’s right. You’re tipping your head back against his shoulder and riding out the waves of pleasure he pumps into you. He knows your body well- he can feel the way your thighs begin to tense and shake as you get ready to cum.

“Fuck, Katsuki… b-baby, I…” Your voice dies in your throat as your peak hits you, tight and silent. You dig your fingers into the fabric armrests on either side of your hips and grip him tight, descending into shivers atop him.

“Jesus Christ, baby, you’re squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight.” Bakugou’s voice is beginning to break, too, but he keeps it down hard and growls softly from the depths of his chest. “Wet little pussy drippin’ out all over me. God, you’re such a mess. Fuck, I can’t wait to fill you up. Gonna put so much cum in your belly, sweetness. Gonna make you so messy for me. Getting so fuckin’ close, baby, oh, shit, oh g-gah…”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence either. He cums hard beneath you, intense and sudden and fast. The wet burst of him inside you is harder than you anticipated but you let him fill you. You let him fuck out the pleasure and you let him collapse, spent, into the plush chair behind him.

His jeans are a mess. Your underwear is, too. Slowly, you work your way off of him and he tucks himself back into his pants. You settle into the pleasant weight of each other. To your immense surprise, nobody finds you. Nobody discovers what you’ve done. You leave the theatre without incident and later, when he takes you home, he fucks you twice more.

The next morning, your coworker slinks eagerly up to you in the break room as you’re grabbing your first cup of bitter office-brew. You didn’t get much rest last night.

“So?” She nudges you, grinning wickedly. “What’d you think?”

“Of what?” You eye her sleepily.

She rolls her eyes. “Duh. The movie. How was it?”

“Oh.” Your brain freezes up. You panic. Think of something to say. Quick. “It was… great. Such a cute ending.”

Quite an answer, considering it was a horror movie she’d recommended yesterday.

[praphit]

Bullet Train: K.I.S.S. and crank the Beyonce

Have y'all ever taken a ride on a bullet train? I've ridden The Superman ride before... (remember that?? Is that still around??) I don't know how fast that is, but when I rode it, I thought I was going to die. It was puke city for some as well. Think about vomit flying at your face at an excessive speed. Then, I went and rode it again :)

Bullet trains can get up to about 250 mph.  I'm not sure The Flash can run that fast.

Imagine yourself on any train, and all of a sudden, Brad Pitt boards, and then some of the peeps from the show "Atlanta", then Bad Bunny, then Joey King (which btw how is she only 23 years old? I feel like she's been around forever. She should be at least 35. Vamp? Yeah, I'm onto you, Joey.) and Hiroyuki Sanada (can't make a movie involving Japan and swords without him).

Pretty cool, right?? THEN, you learn that they're all assassins, hellbent on killing each other. Would you even get off of the train, if you could? I wouldn't. That list of characters, being stylish, about to unleash chaos... I'd want to see where this is all going. Now, THAT would make a good ride - If you added actors, playing killers, wreaking havoc, all while you're on some super-fast contraption, and avoiding airborne puke... and other bodily fluids.

YES!

Brad Pitt (who plays "Ladybug") was once a ruthless assassin, but lately has been on some spiritual enlightenment kick. Like he went to a party with Aaron Rodgers and Joe Rogan, took some pills, opened his third eye, and saw Jesus playing video games with Buddha. Now, Ladybug is... well, still an assassin, but all about personal growth, and therapy, and peace, and grace, and gluten-free, and sparkling water, and such. Right off the bat, Brad Pitt is making me chuckle. I loved him in this role. 

You might say, "How can you be chuckling when assassins are around, probably doing assassiny things?" There is a lot of murder, and torture, and children being put in danger, and psychopathic devices, yet... yeah, chuckles. There's a scene in which 17 kills are described in detail, and it was a delightful experience. David Leitch (who directed this movie - along with Deadpool 2, John Wick, Hobbs & Shaw, Atomic Blonde... yeah :) has sprinkled his magic all over this film.

I had fun with this movie, but from the looks of Rotten Tomatoes, some others did not:

54% critics 78% audience (last I checked)

What do they have to say, you ask?

"filled with chaotic, confusing, almost nonstop violence that becomes tediously boring." (I'm with ya, until the "tediously boring" part. That's like having sexy time with a partner who dresses up like a clown and makes sounds like a duck when they get excited, and you say that you were bored with them in bed. You may call that whatever you'd like, except "boring".)

"Bullet Train keeps getting slowed down by flashbacks to exceptional violence and cutesy phone banter... " (How's that bad? and "slowed down"?!)

"... this comedic thriller spins its wheels without any meaningful dramatic substance beneath the surface spectacle"? (that's what you were looking for? did you even watch the trailer?)

"Bullet Train is shooting nothing but blanks." (Proud of that one are you?)

Look, I'm not the guy who needs everyone think/feel how they think/feel about things (no one likes that guy), but I am genuinely curious how I'm seeing this so differently than these folks. I was expecting a fun, slick movie about assassins on a train, and that's what this is.

You wanted more of a plot? - I mean... while they're killing each other, they all want a certain briefcase - plot enough for me.

I say that simple works best:

"Lord of the Rings" - I liked it, but... it's just 9 hours of a group of hippies trying to destroy a ring. 

Simple.

Beyonce's "Renaissance" 

Simple.  Not knocking it, and I like it, but it's just a forty year old going clubbing and having sex (and lots of it... everywhere:) Again, I like it, but some act like it's Mozart or something.

I recently watched "Nope". People were irritated that I didn't show enough respect to Jordan Peele's "masterpiece"; mad that I didn't get it. No, I got it... is there more? No offense, but the "lesson" there was one that you'd hear on some stoner's podcast. Too much going on for a dull payoff (in my humble opinion). Gotta keep it simple.

Sometimes, you just go down the street for milk and a pack of smokes - that's not an interesting story to be told, BUT if you add assassins to that story, and something about Brad Pitt - please tell me more! I don't care about your core plot, just give me the good stuff. What am I missing?!

Plus, I'D say (humbly) that this film DOES have some depth. not a wow-factor "omg you just blew my mind" type of depth (that I was looking for in "Nope":), but this flick has a lot to do with fate and how our paths connect. When you leave the theatre and start peeling away some of that... it gets fun. But, maybe I was high or something when I went to see this movie, cuz no one else seems to think this :) But, I'M with you, Brad! You and me, buddy! If you make a sequel, I'm down - call me. I really hope this becomes the next "Fast & Furious". I want to see at least 8 more Bullet Trains! Bradchise here we come!

The only issue I had with this movie was its length. It could have been trimmed 30-40mins,  but I still enjoyed it.

Grade: a surprising A-

I will take one thing back - you CAN have a lot of action and still be bored. The recent movie "The Gray Man" proved this.

However, that movie took itself way too seriously. "Bullet Train" knows what it is. It's a party where it's loud; really loud (Beyonce is cranked!), and everyone is popping pills and getting sweaty and sexy on the dance floor (the under-sized living room). But, you've gotta be up for that. I get it.

Sometimes, you want a quiet evening at a hipsters crib, with fancy drinks and convo. A party with a couple of Karens around to call the police when they think the party next door needs to turn down the Bey, and be more mature like them. To each their own :)

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[littleredroseonthevalley]

Reverse Cow

Summary: Sawyer has never seen a porn movie in his life. Morgan introduces him to it, and gets more than she expected.

Rating: MA - Content is only suitable for mature adults. May contain explicit language and adult themes.

Explicit adult content. Reader discretion is advised.

Words: 1100

Notes: Here be lemons, I warned ya. So, I never did BSC because I stopped reading at chapter 11. Of the first book. I was waaaay too bored with it. However, I’ve been revisiting some of the abandoned stuff, and lemme say, I’m apreciating them more.

Anyways, I never posted any smut, so I hope you deem it acceptable. Enjoy.

“How on God’s ever-loving green Earth is she doing that?” Sawyer looked positively shocked at the scene before him.

Morgan looked up from her phone and let out a laugh at his incredulous comment, his eyes wide as he watched the newest clip from a popular performer who came up when she googled the surprisingly controversial phrase “Who’s the best porn star?”.

“What about it?” She asked.

“Her knees must be aching.” He commented in response. “She’s been in that position for a long time, now.”

The Oakley family was spending the week in Billings, finishing some errands related to the ranch and Morgan seized the opportunity to binge on the city comforts she relinquished when she moved to rural Montana.

Imagine her surprise when, as she sits on the remote and a porn channel comes up, Sawyer comments he had never seen a film like that. She looked at him like he had grown another head. It is not as if she was addicted to porn, that it was such an integral part of her life, but mother of God, she kind of silently accepted that every boyfriend she would ever have would like to, er, spend some time with himself, watching a flick like that.

The blond rodeo star explained that, yes, he knew what porn was and yes, he knew it was ubiquitous, but there was no internet in Sweetridge when he was a teen, and even now, it is limited to cybercafes and the library, neither very conductive to some self-loving.

“What about the rodeo competitions?” She asked, incredulous. “You travelled all around, you stayed at hotels. Hotels with pay-per-view!”

“Well, yeah, but I always roomed with dad or Duke.” He pointed out. “I had no privacy.”

“You had a girlfriend! Didn’t she show you any, either?” She accused.

The blond man laughed. “Of course not. Besides, she was from Sweetridge, too, she didn’t saw any, either.”

“I can’t believe it, Sawyer. I honestly can’t believe it.” She shook her head repeatedly.

“It isn’t that strange.” He defended.

“Yes! Yes, it is.” The girl waved her arms like a crazy person. “Sawyer, every man in the city jerks off to porn. I don’t have to ask for me to know. That’s how normal it is! I, just… Ah!”

She hid her face in frustration on the pillow.

Sawyer patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry, darling. I guess I’m just different.”

Morgan turned her face towards him. “It’s not a bad thing. It’s just that… I came to expect it. It’s just familiar to me.”

He smiled, supportive but very, very uncomfortable. “I know. I’m sorry, but it is as it is.”

Then, an idea shone through her face. “Well, actually…”

That is how they came to be where they were, with Sawyer analysing a porn movie with an interpretative zeal that made even the stringiest English teacher roll their eyes in complaint and Morgan amusing herself with the absurdity of the situation.

She hummed and observed the position. “I mean... I suppose if the guy is holding her knees, he can pull her hips tight to his, but I still think her biceps and abs must be killing from holding herself up.”

Sawyer grinned, amused. “Putting a lot of thought into this, aren’t you, darling?”

Morgan laughed. “Says the guy who was concerned that Ass Busters 6 would have plot points that he wouldn’t understand.”

The cowboy shrugged. “I still think that the bald guy is in love with the Asian girl. Do you reckon they will get together in the seventh?”

“Oh, I’m absolutely sure they will have sex sooner or later.” She responded, mirthfully. “How do you find the experience?”

“It’s not as fun as the real thing, but they are creative.” He said, nudging her neck with his nose and trailing his hands up her thigh. “Do you wanna give some of it a try?”

Her expression turned wicked. “I could be persuaded, yes. What are you thinking about?”

“What about that thing they are doing now?” He said while wrapping his arms around her midsection and pointed with his chin at the television.

“Oh, that one is called the Reverse Cow.” She provided.

The blond chuckled loudly. “I have you know no cows could ever do that.”

“I believe you. It would be funny to watch them try, though.” She pointed out, amused. “Come on, cowboy. Let me see how you handle cattle.”

“Alright then.” Sawyer grinned. “Up you get, darling.”

Morgan grinned and stood up.

“Right, I’ll touch the ground, you grab my legs and wrap them around you, OK?” She asked, turning around and getting into position.

Sawyer smiled in delight and slapped her ass. She bent over, touching the ground, presenting her vagina to her boyfriend, who hummed, trailing his fingertip over her privates and smirking at her gasp.

“Ready?” He asked and she nodded, holding her breath as he lifted her legs off the ground, wrapping them around his hips as he guided his cock into her cervix.

“Fuck.” He muttered, squeezing her hips slightly when she shifted her weight on her hands, causing her to wriggle around slightly.

He started moving into her, slow at first, quickening his pace when he was certain to not drop her weight.

“Sawyer!” She gasped out, clenching around him as she neared her climax.

Said man grunted in response, pounding rougher, if that was even possible, to ride a shared orgasm.

Morgan groaned, enduring the muscular exhaustion, trying to balancing on her hands and relying on Sawyer to hold her body up. Finally, she came, groaning at the feeling of the rodeo star spurting into her.

“Goddamnit!” He called out, slamming with slow, hard thrusts.

At that moment, her arm spasmed and gave out. That, coupled with the force of Sawyer’s hips, caused her to topple face first into the carpeted floor.

“Jesus Christ, Morgan, are you fine?” He asked, quickly helping her up from the floor and pulling her down to lay on the bed with him.

“I’ll be fine.” She giggled, still slightly dazed. “That was… Intense…”

“That’s one way to put it.” He smirked. “Are you OK? You hit your head pretty hard against the floor.”

Morgan patted her forehead and felt a small bump. “I guess I’ll have to use a lot of makeup to cover up the bruise on my forehead tomorrow, but I’m fine. I wouldn’t want to have Cliff asking where I hit my head.”

Sawyer laughed and kissed her hair. Meanwhile, without either of them noticing, the flick was still playing on the background.

[lovehugsandcandy]

Eight Days a Week, Eight Seconds a Kiss (Part 5)  (Colt x MC)

A/N: Still don’t know what I am doing but as long as we’re having fun. Or, as long as Mona is having fun, I guess. That’s all that matters. (Ellie, girl, you’re so close here! So close!)

Pairing: Colt x MC, ROD

Length: ~2K words

Rating: PG-13 (Swearing, probably, because I swear a lot.)

Summary: Ellie wants to live her life to the fullest, starting with her first kiss. She just needs a little encouragement.

Wednesday: Somewhere Between I Want it and I Got it

“Have you ever tried eyeliner?” Mona studied her, circling in silent evaluation.

“At sleepovers?” Ellie felt shy, melting under Mona’s piercing gaze; no one had ever looked at her with such an calculating stare. She was pretty sure that she was coming up short.

“Hmm….” Mona pursed her lips. “Might be a little too aggressive then. Some shadow?”

“Why are we doing this again?”

“Why did you borrow my clothes the other day?” Mona turned to her closet, flinging clothes through the air, digging for something underneath the leather.

Ellie froze, not knowing how to answer without spilling the embarrassing truth.

Thankfully, Mona breezed by her silence. “Just letting you know, I can suit you up a little better than Junior can.” She held up two dresses, a strapless grey and a black number with a plunging neckline.

“Sleeves. Dear God, please, sleeves.”

Mona laughed and threw it at her. “Change.”

Ellie looked at the dress. She may have miscalculated; it looked like a lot less fabric when it was in her hands. “Wait, here?”

“I promise you, you have nothing I haven’t seen before. Many times. Many, many earth-shattering times.” Mona leered. “But you can use the bathroom if you want.”

She ducked through the door, leaning against it with a deep breath, staring at the fabric in her hands. There were sleeves at least, but what was this strap? And if these were the sleeves, then was there nothing to go in front of her boobs? Were those shorts? What was this monstrosity?

It took five minute, three tries, and one tuck of a strap just away, hidden in her bra, but she thought she got it. It was a dress, low cut, straps crisscrossing her back in what she hoped was the right way, and slit that slid so high she could almost see the tiny freckle, near her hip, that had only seen daylight at the beach. She was unsure until she looked up, peering in the mirror for the first time, and damn. Ellie was used to wearing her sweatshirt everywhere but in this, she actually looked hot! She peered closer. Was that her? Damn.

She sauntered out. When she emerged, Mona’s eyes widened and Ellie smirked, self-satisfied, striking a pose. It looked like she put the dress on correctly.

“Verrry nice,” Mona purred and leered while Ellie flushed, shooting her a shy smile. “You ready to go?”

“Wait now?”

Mona turned on her heel, shooting her a wink over her shoulder. “No time like the present.”

Crap.

She followed Mona out, scanning the floor. Toby and Ximena were in the back of Kaneko’s Aylesbury and it sounded like they were arguing about a carburetor. She couldn’t see Logan but she knew he was around somewhere.

As she looked around, Colt stood up from behind his bike. “Mona, where are my-” He froze as he took her in and she felt the blush forming as his eyes swept down her. “God damn.” It was a whisper and, judging from the look on his face, he definitely didn’t mean to say it out loud, following it up with an awkward cough. “Uhh…I mean…well done, Mona.” He rubbed the back of his head.

Mona smirked. “I do know what I’m doing. And your wrenches are by the Maranello.”

“Thanks.” He nodded and turned away, tips of his ears red.

Mona laughed, deep and loud, pulling her through the shop, passing the cars, the tools, the dented toolbox. “Come on, Ellie! You’re driving!”

“Wait, what?” Ellie had to stop every few seconds to pull the dress down so she was struggling to keep up.

Colt also stopped. “What? Where are you going?”

“Why do you care?” Mona was grasping the top of the open door, grinning wolfishly at Colt. 

“But where are we going?”

“We want to see and be seen.” Mona was still staring at Colt as she spoke to Ellie, eyebrows raised. “You coming, Junior?”

Ellie looked between the two, at whatever nonverbal communication that was happening right in front of her, but just over her head.

Colt narrowed his eyes, striding towards them, never dropping his gaze from Mona. “Let’s go.”

~~~~~

Ellie settled up on the sea wall, looking out at the volleyball game happening in front of her and the sunlight glinting off the ocean beyond that. Mona was right; apparently, the boardwalk was the place to see and be seen. Even better, with the crowds and the outfits and the bikinis, she wasn’t so out of place as it was in a garage in Gramercy Park, her dress barely catching a wandering eye.

Mona’s hair blew lightly in the sea breeze, dark strands flitting in the wind and catching Ellie’s shoulder as she leaned close. Colt had wandered off to find fries, at Mona’s orders; directives from Mona were never to be taken lightly and apparently even Colt agreed, acquiescing without a fight. Ellie was in awe of her powers, would have asked for pointers, before Mona interrupted her thoughts.

“You gonna tell me what’s really going on?” Mona’s eyes were assessing, so sharp that Ellie had to duck her head.

“What do you mean?”

Mona rolled her eyes. “You making moon eyes at Logan. You and Kid Kaneko borrowing my clothes for your driving test. You getting so distracted you crashed your car in the shop?” She shook her head. “I’m not an idiot, Ellie.”

“It’s stupid.” Ellie sighed to herself.

“Try me.”

“We’ve been trying to…you see…” Ellie sighed, watching the surfers glide across the horizon. “I’ve….I’ve never been kissed.”

Mona laughed. And laughed some more, until Ellie pushed her. “Mona, shut up.”

“Are you kidding me? All this work for a tiny little kiss?”

Ellie flushed, cheeks red. “I’m 18 years old. Is this like a bad Drew Barrymore movie?”

“Excuse you. A good Drew Barrymore movie.” Mona bit her lip, considering. “I guess I thought a girl like you would want your first kiss to mean something, to be with someone who likes you, like really likes you, like a kiss in one of those movies.”

“I dunno, I guess that would be nice but…” Ellie shrugged, looking at her hands; apparently, she had given up on that. “But what if that never happens?”

Mona rolled her eyes. “Jesus, why don’t I kiss you right now?”

“What?”

Mona glanced around, surveying the crowd behind them, and leaned closer with a devilish smirk. “I can take care of that problem for you.”

“Wait.��� Ellie was caught in her stare. She felt like she was drowning; Mona had to be one of the most beautiful girls she had ever seen in real life and she was being pulled in. “There were some caveats to this thing.” For this life of her, she couldn’t remember what those caveats were.

“Really….” Mona leaned even closer and Ellie couldn’t help but look down, at her lips, inches from hers. “Why don’t you let me show you how to kiss and you can tell me all about those caveats later?” She tilted her head, eyes dark.

Ellie followed, tilting her head just so, and shut her eyes.

“Fries.”

Ellie pulled back with a gasp, blinking, She and Mona almost…she couldn’t move for a second, willing the breath back into her lungs, watching the giant smile split Mona’s face in two as she looked behind them.

“Hello, Junior. Don’t you have perfect timing.”

“Your fries, Mona.” Colt was gritting his teeth; Ellie could hear his molars grinding above the crash of the surf.

If anything, Mona grinned wider, taking the fries with a wicked gleam in her eye. “Why thank you, Colt. This is exactly what I wanted. But I’m gonna go grab a milkshake too.” She shook her hair out as she stood, radiant in the sun, catching Ellie’s eye. “Who knows? You might get your movie moment after all.” With a wink, she sauntered off, Ellie’s eyes on her back the entire way.

“What was that about?”

Did Mona think she would have her first kiss with someone who liked her? Did Mona have more faith in her than she herself did?

Ellie blinked at Colt, standing with his hands in his pockets. “I’m….” She swallowed. “I’m…not sure.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, rocking back on his heels as she watched, trying to process what just happened.

“Ellie-”

“Damn. Maybe Logan isn’t who I should have been focused on.” She wrinkled her nose, thinking out loud. She was in her own head, but not enough that she didn’t notice his face fall and jaw clench as he looked out at the waves. “Colt?”

He turned away, shoulders raised. “Let’s go.”

~~~~~

The ride back was quiet. Mona wouldn’t stop smiling, humming the verse of every single song on the radio, while Colt just glowered in the back. Ellie sighed. She thought they were over the whole death glare situation, especially after the last few days. Apparently, she was wrong.

She put the car in park, checking the e-brake once, twice, three times just to be sure, as Mona headed to the break room and Colt peeled off towards his bike. She sighed, still thinking. Mona wasn’t wrong. She had always imagined her first kiss being somewhat special, though it seemed like that would never happen for her. But, if she was doing all this work and putting herself out there, she might as well shoot for the moon.

She sighed again, leaning her head against the steering wheel before she climbed out of the car. That grumpy jerk was not going to like this.

She gingerly headed over to him, leaning against a toolbox. “Hi.”

“Sorry about the lack of making out.” He barely looked up at her, hands rifling through the metal.

She couldn’t stop her eyes from rolling. “Eloquent as ever.”

“Hey, I’m trying here.” He shrugged, turning over a screwdriver in his hands before dropping it with a dull thud.

“Yeah, right. Sure. You know, I was thinking something.”

“No.”

“You didn’t even listen to what it was!”

“Didn’t have to, answer is still no.” He turned back to the toolbox in front of him, opening another drawer.

She sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “Well, I am going to tell you anyway. Mona and I were talking-” The sound from Colt’s throat was between a guffaw and a choke but she ignored it. “Ahem. Mona and I were talking and she thinks I should hold out for someone who like me. Not just someone who thinks I’m cute.”

“Jesus Christ.” He froze, the only movement the blinking of his eyes, looking down at her. “You’re not doing what I think you’re doing-”

“One more, Colt. One more request.”

“What the fuck.” He slammed the drawer shut. “Are you just making this harder on purpose?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve had any luck with you helping me! And Mona-”

“I didn’t want to help to begin with, ok? This is fucking stupid.” He leaned closer, eyes blazing.

She met his glare head on and leaned closer herself, ignoring his sharp inhale as she scowled at him. He was so close she could see the shades of brown swirling in his eyes, could see every individual strand of his eyebrows, all furrowed into an angry line.  “You agreed to help me so let’s just do this and get it over with.” She wasn’t going to back down, no way. 

He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes hard, staring right back at her. She had to will herself not to look away. “This was before all your stupid rules-

“They’re not stupid-” She had to stop herself from reaching out and shaking him.

“They are stupid! I agreed before all these stupid additional rules and before-” He swallowed, still staring at her, eyes inches from hers, cutting himself off. She watched his tongue trace over his lower lip.

“You agreed to help me so let’s just do this and get it over with.” 

They stared at each other; Ellie felt goosebumps start to sprout on her arms, the cool air in the shop sliding over Mona’s flimsy dress. Still, she didn’t move, didn’t look away, and the charged moment held where all they did was wait for the other to fold.

She waited, watching his eyes trace over her face, settling on her lips, shoulders dropping. He ducked his head to look at the ground, look behind her, look anywhere but her. She grinned; he was starting to cave.

And now that she was no longer the singular object of his glare, Ellie finally felt like she could breathe again.

“Fine.” 

She took a deep breath. “Fine. So my addition…” He scoffed but she continued right over him. “So my addition is that I want them to actually like me. Like, romantically.”

“You sound like a 13 year old.” He hadn’t moved away, was still inches from her. She hadn’t moved away either.

“Says the person who has no functional human relationships with anyone.”

“Actually, says the person who’s kissed someone.”

“Shut up.” She couldn’t help but wonder who Colt had been kissing. Did he have someone he could kiss now? “So that’s my addition. I want them to like me.”

“And tolerate you.”

“And think I’m cute!”

“Christ.” He rolled his eyes. “We have like three days. You think you can find someone else to fall for you in three days?”

The insinuation stung, badly, and she tried to fight back the flash of hurt. “You know, half the shit you say is actually really insulting.” She locked eyes with him.

He only looked away, taking a step back. “Force of habit.” Now that there was some space between them, Ellie could feel her heart evening out, the uncomfortable racing slowing to a more manageable beat.

“Well, if you were half as clever as you thought you were, I might actually get my kiss.”

He turned to her, peering at her for so long that Ellie coughed, awkward. He only shook his head. “Tomorrow. We’ll all go out.”

“That’s all we’ve been-”

“Everyone. Logan. Mona.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “The entire crew. You can have your pick of anybody.”

“Anybody?”

“Yeah.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think anybody…”

“Well, if you were half as clever as you thought you were…”

“What’s that supposed to-” She had to stop herself from stomping her foot. He was so goddamn frustrating. “You know what, whatever, tomorrow. We’ll all go out tomorrow.”

He nodded, looking like he was about to reply before thinking better of it. With one last raise of his eyebrows, he turned and walked away, hurrying through the shop floor.

Ellie watched the set of his shoulders as he cut down a dark hallway before disappearing. She had an eerie sense that, while she won this battle, maybe she lost the war.

She fought back a pang of guilt as she left the shop, driving the familiar route home. Yes, she pressured him to help her and he was trying, in his completely frustrating Colt way. Regardless, after today, she was sure that she could get Mona to kiss her before the week was out; she wouldn’t need Colt’s pity kiss at all.

The thought wasn’t as much of a comfort as it should have been.

Tags:  @deimosensblog @alegria1580 @choicesarehard@thefarrari@client-327 @moonlit-girl-wonder@going-down-downtown@soniadotalves@jolietmaraud @hazah@flowerpowell@poeticscolt@brightpinkpeppercorn @zaira-oh-zaira@desiree-0816@leelee10898@maxwellsquidsuit@liamzigmichael4ever@octobereighth@omgjasminesimone @waytooattuned @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction @emichelle

[jtsodergren]

The Best of 2019

2019, what an exceptional year for movies! A great way to close out the shittiest decade! Here are the 50 best films I saw this year... click on the title to go to the IMDB page, and I’ll try to post a link to where you can see many of them. Also for the first time this year, I’m including MOM WARNINGS! My mom reads this list and sometimes actually watches these movies... so to save her some grief, sadness, or general concern for my psyche, there will be a NOT FOR MOMS!! warning where applicable... here we go!

50. STAR WARS - EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Amazon)

People really hated this movie... I actually really liked it! Aside from the horses running around on the outside of spaceships (which makes no fucking sense... didn’t Leia get all space frozen exactly one movie ago??), it was a satisfying conclusion to a franchise I guess I don’t really care about as much as other people, so I was into it!

49. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM (Amazon)

Quickly becoming one of the more well produced action franchises of all time. Probably two too many machine gun shootouts in this one for me (I get a little exhausted with gun violence), but the hand-to-hand stuff is brilliant and bloody and badass! Not to mention the deepening of the mythology and Halle Berry and her dogs. It’s a fun time, a welcome addition to the series, and I can’t wait for number 4.

48. QUEEN & SLIM (Amazon)

Billed as the black BONNIE AND CLYDE and from first time feature director Melina Matsoukas, this atmospheric tragedy is gorgeous to look at, delivers a pair of standout lead performances, and proves to have one of the more stressful final 30min of any of the films I saw this year, even if you know the inevitable conclusion is just around the corner.

47. UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (Amazon PRIME)

A wild Los Angeles noir story from the director of IT FOLLOWS. Plays like if David Lynch directed THE BIG LEBOWSKI, a weird, screwball whodunit. It’s a little long, and there are so many loose ends that seem to be thrown in just to fuck with the protagonist (and the audience), but it’s a really fun time and you’ll want to stay to the end to see it all play out. LA looks gorgeous too.

46. KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Netflix)

Truly inspiring. Really shows how if you put your mind to something, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference, you can accomplish anything. Regardless of your political leanings, or how you feel about AOC personally, this is well worth your time and it has a great message for young people, especially those young women of color who might not think they can achieve great levels of success. It made me cry the happy tears.

45. LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Amazon)

Best known for it’s remarkable 59min-3D final take, this hallucinatory journey through memory and dreams is mind-blowing and breathtaking. Hard not to leave this one feeling like you’ve been put though some kind of experiment that you don’t fully understand, but you’ll want to experience again. Highly recommended if you have access to 3D, or simply have some killer edibles and want to be thrown for a loop.

44. CLIMAX (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of being under the influence, holy shit is this film nuts! From Gaspar Noe, who if you’re aware of his work, you kind of already know what you’re in store for here. It’s been described as “FAME directed by the Marquis de Sade”... incredible dance sequences and audacious camerawork that slowly but surely devolves into hell. It’s a blast!

43. HAIL SATAN? (Hulu)

A fresh and funny documentary about a group of smartass Satanists exposing the hypocrisy amongst bible-thumping Christians who’d rather stomp their feet and be the loudest in the room than listen to anyone else’s perspective. Frustrating and entertaining in equal parts, this compulsively watchable film makes you want to scream at these Jesus freaks as much as you want to laugh along with the antics of these harmless, intelligent and organized troublemakers. An excellent time well spent.

42. FIRST LOVE (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

Director Takashi Miike’s yakuza action-comedy is the most accessible of his films I’ve seen (he’s now made more than 100 movies, which is insane), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a gonzo wild time at the movies. The violence is here in full force, but unlike AUDITION or ICHI THE KILLER, you don’t need a barf bag close by to enjoy it. It’s often hilarious and moves at a breakneck speed. Super fun!

41. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (Amazon PRIME)

Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded, droll zombie-comedy came and went from theaters without much fanfare, but provided me with plenty of laughs. It’s also the second of 3 Adam Driver vehicles to be on this year’s list. Bill Murray and Driver lead the way along with plenty familiar faces in cameos throughout (including the RZA in one of my favorite scene’s of the year). Classic Jarmusch... a meditation on death and mortality in his vintage style.

40. EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE (Netflix)

Dude, Aaron Paul is a legit GREAT actor. Picks up right where the show left off, and I was on the edge of my seat and filled with anxiety just like I was during the best moments of the now classic series. It was good to hang out with my old friends again.

39. DOCTOR SLEEP (Amazon)

A box office flop due to poor promotion and a title people weren’t familiar with, this sequel to THE SHINING is based on the Stephen King book of the same name, which I read, and I can’t recommend it more. Great suspense, and fantastic performances from both Ewan McGregor and (especially) Rebecca Ferguson. It’s a dark and scary film that is a fun trip back to the Overlook Hotel... provided you wish to return there...

38. THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO (Amazon PRIME)

About 90min into this beautifully shot film I was ready to lock it in as a possible Top 5 contender. Then the bottom fell out for me the last quarter of the movie and lost my confidence. No bother, it’s still wonderful enough to find a spot on the list and carry my recommendation. Young men and women watching their city change before their eyes, and wondering what the concept of “home” really means is a real challenge facing many people here in the Bay Area. This film does a fantastic job conveying that, for most of the film anyway. 

37. THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON (Amazon)

A bonafide crown-pleaser of a movie, and another example of the true talent Shia LeBeouf has and is capable of (more on him later). A young man with Down Syndrome escapes his assisted-living facility to track down his wrestling idol the Saltwater Redneck with the help of an outlaw and a social worker. Sweet, funny, and heartfelt... a feel good surprise.

36. A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (Amazon)

I didn’t cry nearly as much as I did during the excellent documentary WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR from last year, but if you’re a Mr. Rogers fan, you’ll still shed a few during this heartwarming film. Tom Hanks does his thing, and even though this movie is guilty of borrowing a little too much from the previous doc, it’s still a great showcase for the truly selfless and beautiful force of nature that Fred Rogers was. Bring tissues anyway.

35. CARMINE STREET GUITARS (In Theaters Now)

A love letter to both New York City and the art, joy, and love that goes into honing and maintaining one’s craft. Meanwhile the looming doom of gentrification hovers over the proceedings, never letting you get fully enrapt in the sweetness that these artists (and their many famous customers) exude when talking about and playing their one-of-a-kind works of art. A stunning and lovely piece for musicians and talentless fans of music alike.

34. HOLIDAY (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A tough, cold film with nary a character to actively root for... until after about an hour of icy behavior comes (no pun intended) a scene so shocking in its graphic and disturbing nature, people left the theater without staying for the final resolution. First time director Isabella Eklof pulls off the bold and audacious maneuver, all while making it seem like she doesn’t care whether you like her characters (or her film) at all. It’s a very fine balancing act, executed to perfection. But be warned... it’s rough.

33. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Disney+)

What can I say? You saw it. It’s good. A bunch of Supermans fly around and blow shit up. A satisfying end (until the next 20 films).

32. MIDSOMMAR (Amazon Prime)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A disturbing slow burn of a gothic horror film. Characters do hallucinogens while ritualistic religious murders and tribal mating practices threaten to ruin everyones existence. Florence Pugh is phenomenal (more from her in a minute) in a very trying roll. Doesn’t pack quite the punch of the director’s last film, HEREDITARY, but it’s still well worth the watch. But yeah, it’s disturbing.

31. APOLLO 11 (Hulu)

A fascinating look at the first moon landing from rarely seen archival footage and audio. Seeing it on the IMAX screen was intense and exhilarating, unlike narrative pictures like the severely overrated FIRST MAN. This isn’t my favorite documentary of the year, but it is an absolute lock to win the Academy Award for Best Doc of 2019. It’s a must see, a must experience.

30. HIGH LIFE (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

French auteur Claire Denis’ bizarre, erotic sci-fi mindfuck about isolation and humanity is not for everyone, but is a brilliant take on the genre, and is yet another showcase for Robert Pattinson, who is quietly becoming one of my favorite working actors. Juliette Binoche also is on fire here and has what one critic calls “the single greatest one-person sex scene in the history of cinema.” So it has that going for it.

29. TRIPLE FRONTIER (Netflix)

A fully loaded heist film with no real bad guy, but instead a group of recognizable badasses in a Netflix-released action thrill ride. There’s absolutely no reason this should’ve worked, or even been half as good as it is, but boy is it good! Compulsively watchable, and rewatchable. If this were on Showtime as much as DEN OF THIEVES is I’d have seen it 30 times by now. It’s one of the most pleasant surprises of the year.

28. 1917 (Amazon)

An unbelievable visual achievement from cinematographer Roger Deakins and director Sam Mendes. The story isn’t the greatest war story ever told (are there great war stories?), but it’s shot to look like one continuous long take, sustained for 2hrs. It’s really an unbelievable feat, but doesn’t come off as gimmicky or distracting. It’s intense, beautifully staged, and sad. A big screen spectacle. 

27. TOY STORY 4 (Amazon)

Woody and the gang are back, and the films continue to keep the dust from collecting. It’s still so much fun to hang out with this group of misfit toys. There was talk that after the incredible TOY STORY 3 this was just a money grab and was labeled unnecessary, but I found it to be a sweet, charming, and nostalgic trip I was glad I took.

26. HONEYLAND (Hulu)

My pick for documentary of the year comes from the mountains of Macedonia, where a woman named Hatidze lives with her dying mother making a living cultivating honey. When a family of shitheads moves into a shanty next door, what seems like a fix for her lonely existence becomes catastrophic as they disregard her teachings and threaten her livelihood. I was an emotional wreck throughout the experience and it goes without saying it’s a must-see. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

25. LITTLE WOMEN (Amazon)

I have never read the book, nor seen any of the film adaptations, so I went in blind to this lovely film. Director Greta Gerwig follows up the phenomenal LADYBIRD with this Altman-esque rendition of the widely beloved literary classic. I found it exceptional in its execution and performances, including the previously mentioned Florence Pugh, who is a knockout. A wonderful addition to the ever-growing stable of Christmas films I look to enjoy during future Decembers.

24. GREENER GRASS (Hulu)

It’s as if Tim & Eric made BLUE VELVET. Bizarre, outrageous, gross, and a guaranteed future midnight movie favorite. My sides hurt. A satire skewering upper-middle class suburban soccer moms and dads alike. Babies are given away. A boy turns into a dog. Everyone has braces. There’s a creep on the loose. It’s wild and flat-out hilarious literally from start to finish. Almost too many jokes to keep up with. Watch it! Bring weed. 

23. RELAXER (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of gross, this film is disgusting, but in a good way. A satire about lazy consumerism and self-destruction. It’s a short hang, thankfully, but if you can stomach it to the end (remember, it’s nasty) you’ll be rewarded with not only a hilarious dark comedy, but also an unexpected haymaker of sadness you didn’t see coming. It’s a pretty impressive feat, and an overall success. But, yeah, it’s fucking gross. 

22. AD ASTRA (Amazon)

APOCALYPSE NOW in space starring Brad Pitt. If you need more information than that, I don’t really know what else to do for you. 

21. SLUT IN A GOOD WAY (Amazon PRIME)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A black-and-white raunchy French arthouse teen comedy that gives a middle finger to the double standard set by the equally raunchy teen-boys-will-be-boys genre. It’s so much fun, and honest, and the actors are such natural talents you forget the subject matter is at times shocking (only because of said double standard) and just go with it. I think it’s just wonderful. Seek it out!

20. US (HBO)

Jordan Peele’s excellent follow-up to GET OUT. Doppelganger home invasion terror with a killer twist. To describe more would be to risk giving something away. I’ll just say that Lupita Nyong’o is my pick to win her second Oscar, this time as Best Actress, here in a dual role. She’s incredible. If you haven’t seen it, try to go in blind, you’ll be rewarded.

19. THE FAREWELL (Amazon PRIME)

A heartfelt homecoming film about family, culture, and how the things we don’t say can be just as strong of a show of love as the things we do say. It’s sweet, tender, and bursting with personal flare and emotions from director Lulu Wang. Awkwafina also curbs her more manic and loud tendencies as a performer for more quiet, thoughtful, and somber choices. She’s phenomenal. 

18. KNIVES OUT (Amazon)

A clever ensemble whodunit that’s just as funny and smart as it is mysterious. Everyone across the board delivers as the assorted motley crew. The film rewards repeat viewings and Daniel Craig knocks it out of the park, stealing every scene he’s in, reminding us all what a fantastic actor he can be when he’s not sipping the Vespers. 

17. BOOKSMART (Hulu)

The female SUPERBAD is the elevator pitch, but this coming-of-age gem is really unlike any other example in the genre. They’re privileged, uber-smart, and have never partied. Yet they have the same neuroses as any other teen scared to death of what to do next or how to be normal. It’s also fucking hilarious. You wanna hang out with these girls and at the same time bury your head under the covers because you feel their pure terror/embarrassment. It’s a blast.

16. THE MUSTANG (Amazon)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, one of the finest actor’s working today, this understated and emotional drama about rehabilitation and redemption floored me upon first viewing. It is a gorgeous film. You’ve probably seen stories similar to this before, but rarely is one told with such compelling conviction. A borderline masterpiece. 

15. HONEY BOY (Amazon PRIME)

Remember a few years back we had the McConaissance, where everything Matthew McConaughey did was solid gold after years of middling bullshit? I’m calling it right now: Shia LaBeouf is about to have the same thing. He wrote the script and plays a version of his own father in a brutal version of his own fucked up childhood as an up-and-coming child actor. It’s heartbreaking and absolutely riveting. I’m hoping he gets an Oscar nod, but regardless I implore you to seek this film out, he’s incredible. 

14. MONOS (Hulu)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A bizarre, bewildering, chaotic, and unsettling film. Some of the most beautiful photography I saw on the big screen this year, yet some of the most surreal and disturbing imagery as well. It’s a militarized, Latin American LORD OF THE FLIES with commentary on tribal behavior and violence. It can be a tough sit, but boy is it beautiful. 

13. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

What a wonderful, welcome surprise! Eddie Murphy in an awards caliber performance as Rudy Ray Moore, the multi-hyphenate performer who created the alter ego Dolemite, spawning a film franchise and many legendary comedy albums. It’s obviously hilarious, and a great behind-the-scenes biopic, but also shockingly sweet and heartfelt, even between all the cuss words. I even teared up a couple times. The 3rd best thing Netflix released this year (more on that in a minute).

12. JOKER (Amazon)

You already saw this.

11. THE IRISHMAN (Netflix)

It’s far too long. It could’ve done with being cut as a three part miniseries or special. There’s about 45min worth of scenes that are quintessential DVD bonus features (I’m looking at you Action Bronson), but goddamn if it’s not Scorsese doing his Scorsese thing. It’s a gangster film, but it’s also a meditation on aging and death. Pesci is incredible and Pacino steals the show. Sure, the de-aging thing is distracting, the curb stomping scene is embarrassing. But still, I mean... IT’S MARTIN SCORSESE!

10. PAIN AND GLORY (Amazon)

Pedro Almodovar’s most personal work to date, a tale about making art and the loneliness of love. If you are unfamiliar with his work, this is a great jumping off point. His movies can be challenging and dark, but this film has such joy and hope amongst the heartache. The final reveal, while not earth shattering on paper, is nonetheless so moving it left the screening I attended without a dry eye in the place. It is his best film yet. 

9. THE LIGHTHOUSE (Amazon)

From the director of THE WITCH comes another type of gothic horror, this time with the legendary Willem Dafoe and the (already mentioned) brilliant Robert Pattinson marooned on a lighthouse rock alone to drive each other completely insane. It’s hallucinatory, violent, disorienting, and flat-out brilliant. If it weren’t for another guy we’ll get to in a minute, Dafoe would be a lock for Best Supporting Actor here. It’s a slightly challenging film, with the period style mariner dialogue, but it’s just as funny as it is terrifying.

8. JOJO RABBIT (Amazon)

A beautiful, touching, funny, crowd-pleasing comedy about a little Nazi whose imaginary friend is Hitler. Yep, your read that correctly. There are about a million reasons this should absolutely not work. Yet, it’s one of the best theater going experiences I had this year. A must see... ESPECIALLY with Mom!

7. MARRIAGE STORY (Netflix)

The best written and acted film of the year, and the third Adam Driver vehicle to appear here. Sad but honest. Touching but brutal. It’s awkward and a bit of a bummer, but there’s such great work being done here, in front of and behind the camera. Noah Baumbach is a force of nature, and has yet to make a film I was even iffy about. He’s the real deal and this might be his masterpiece. 

6. WAVES (Amazon)

Speaking of auteurs, Trey Edward Shults is now 3/3 on features after the brilliant KRISHA and IT COMES AT NIGHT. Here he follows a middle-class black family, led by a domineering father, through a tragic moment in all of their lives. The first half deals with the son’s story, then abruptly switches to the daughter’s life post said event. It shouldn’t work, yet somehow manages to be one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of art I saw this year. The camera never stops moving, constantly swirling and whirling and you can’t help to be sucked up into it. It’s a beautiful tragedy.

5. LONG SHOT (HBO)

The biggest and most pleasant surprise of the year. An opposites-attract rom-com with more brains, bite, social commentary, and laughs than it has any right to have. Easily the most fun you’ll have with (almost) the whole family... there’s a lot of cum jokes. But don’t let the vulgarity dissuade you! It’s a total riot with just the right amount of sweetness to balance out the saltiness. I love love love this movie.

4. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE (Hulu)

What starts as a strange, dark comedy morphs into a FIGHT CLUB-esque thriller with allusions to disturbingly toxic masculinity and an offbeat take on what it takes to “be a man.” It is laugh-out-loud hilarious, and expertly made, while really having something to say, and it says it in a way I’ve never really seen before. It’s not surprising this didn’t get more attention, the characters are truly difficult to relate to, let alone root for, but as far as originality goes, you’d be hard pressed to find anything this year much better than this. 

3. UNCUT GEMS (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

The cinematic equivalent of being locked in the brain of a lunatic having a cocaine-fueled anxiety attack. If that sounds like fun (AND IT IS!!!) then this is the film for you! Oh, and Adam Sandler is going to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor. For real. It’s a chaotic, stress-filled masterpiece.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (Amazon)

My favorite filmmaker’s 2nd best film. A personal story about the love of film during the late 60s, a time of dirty hippies and Charles Manson, as well as the passing of the torch from old Hollywood to the “golden age” of cinema. It’s a fairytale of sorts, with Tarantino’s trademark flare for spontaneous violence and mining multiple genres to make his most mature work since PULP FICTION. I’ve been rewarded with new takeaways upon each subsequent viewing, and my love and appreciation for it only grows and grows. Brad Pitt is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, he’s magnificent. It was always going to be my #1 with a bullet no matter what, because it’s just that great...

1. PARASITE (Amazon)

...but then Bong Joon-ho, the master of new Korean cinema unleashed PARASITE. Not only is it the best film of 2019, it’s one of the best films I have ever seen. Like EVER ever. He is in such astonishing control of his craft it’s hard not to sit back and marvel and the sheer skill on display. You can be laughing one moment and then recoiling in horror during the same breath. He’s using multiple genre tropes, incredible set design, pitch perfect acting/writing, and such exquisite planning you can’t possibly know what’s in store for you from one scene to the next. It is an absolute masterpiece and if it doesn’t sweep every category it’s nominated for at this year’s Oscars, it’ll be a travesty. If you have even a passing interest in film as an art form, the power it can wield, and the messages it can convey, you owe it to yourself to see this film. It’s perfect.

Well, there it is. Thanks for reading any part of this. Now go see PARASITE. I love you.

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, I just read through your AU recs, and I need more, holy hell!? Do you have a similar list for canon fics? What are your favourite genres? You're one of the brave souls who posts about mpreg...what other kinks do you recommend?

Yessssssssss, a chance to do part two of my prison 25, fuck yeah!!! I edited this canon rec list down, and Jesus, that’s the hardest part of it. Luckily, I can save a lot of ‘em in other categories--and I have recs in just about any category, so lemme know if anything in particular floats your boat (I tend to bookmark/save in collections like mpreg, a/b/o, omorashi, daddy, toys, panties, phone sex, dirty talk, etc., but yeah, I can hook you up with allll kinds of fic, god bless the ao3 bookmark feature). 

I’ll put the full list under the cut, in length order...in lots of cases, the author has done many, MANY more, so I’ll highlight that, too! Enjoy! (Oh, and check out the postscript at the end, too...a lot of these are older, but if you want newer, just give me your parameters/needs, and I’ve gotcha, bb)

Hello, Heaven (you are tunnel-lined with yellow lights), by objectlesson, 2.9k words (E). Or, Louis buys Harry things sometimes.  (LISSSSSSSSSSSSSTEN, read every single fic Phoenix ever wrote, jfc, she’s so good, the stories are so good, and this particular one was a gift to me, so I’m biased, but it combines a lot of my fave kinks into one. I edited most of her stories in this fandom, which means I literally can’t pick a fave, they’re my step-children, but this one is noice)

so wicked in the way he moves, by ballsdeepinjesus, 3.6k words (E). Harry and Louis are parents at football practice. (don’t be scared; no kids, just hot van sex and banter, and this author EXCELS at sex/banter, so lots of gold here)

She Feels So Good, by zedi, 4.1k words (E). Louis knows that voice. Harry’s used that voice in his ear more times than Louis can count, said such sweet, naughty things while popping a hip out and pressing up against Louis. That’s the voice that comes out when Harry’s in a skirt, nails done and gestures soft and flirty. (Jumpsuit Harry on the Late Late Show)

like poison coursing through me, by orphan_account, 4.1k words (E). The one with copious dirty talk, Daddy Louis, and Harry wetting himself in the shower. (pee kink, but honestly, give it a try...it’s about desperation, and it’s so hot)

took me by the wrist, by tomlinzn, 4.2k words (E). harry's twenty-one; louis still loves him. there's birthday sex. (Hima’s legacy, god, it’s beautiful)

Take a Chance, Just Feed Me, by yeah_alright, 4.3k words (E). Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along. (MARCEL COSPLAY)

Fertile Ground, by Blake, 4.4k words (E). Or, Harry doesn’t know what comes first: the lies that shape his want, or his want, which shapes the lies. He only knows that there’s lies, and want. And Louis, of course. (ANOTHER GOD-TIER PERSON TO READ EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER WRITTEN, and this one has a big ole dose of angst, but it’s so fucking goooood, so real, sob)

You Don’t Need Me to Show You the Way, by LoadedGunn, 6.5k words (E). Or, 2011 fic where Harry rides dick for the first time and Louis appreciates technology. (X Factor era, and I think this was the fic that made me create a whole technology tag, lmaoooo)

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst, by eyesofshinigami, 6.5k words (E). Louis wouldn't exactly call it a thing, his newfound fascination with the curly trail that starts below Harry's bellybutton and disappears into his skinny jeans. It's definitely not a thing. It's just... Alright, maybe it's a thing. (the entire reason for pubefest2020, tbh, this is such a fave fic, sigh)

domesticated, by sky_reid, 6k words (E). nothing gets harry going quite like mentioning a marriage licence. (fluffy but still hot five times story)

Agent Provocateur, by orphan_account, 7k words (E). Harry looks like he's constantly about to drop into subspace when he's talking to Louis onstage. (you can kinda guess from the title, but this is panties panties panties, plus more)

let the only sound be the overflow, by sarcasticfluentry, 7.6k words (E; needs ao3 account). Harry and Louis explore new kinks while staying in Tokyo. (another AMAZING author, check out the rest of their fics; this one’s based on a specific video--read the notes--and you’ll never see Louis, Harry, or clothespins the same way again)

little black dress (it’s all right), by istajmaal, 8k words (E). harry is a girl sometimes. louis loves her all the time. (this one’s part of an ahead-of-its-time series featuring genderfluid harry)

horizontal like a quarter to three, by orphan_account, 8k words (E). The worst part is that Louis just wants to get really rough with him. He's wanted it right from the start, and it doesn't make sense, because Harry's always been so gentle and understanding and sweet, and yet all Louis wants to do is fuck him up. (some serious kink exploration nicely done)

give you my fever, by beautlouis @thelovejandles, 10k words (E). x-factor era. harry's never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (it is as it says, and it is INCREDIBLY hot/well done, as is everything beautlouis has ever written, immediately finish this one and then go read everything else)

shit, i still love you (still see you in my bed), by wankerville, 10.9k words (E). it's valentine's day and harry wants to be fucked in his gold boots. (another author I adore!!! this one is as it says, and wow, so visual)

Let Me Be Good for You, by onlyhuman, 11.9k words (E). Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt. (I love some good hair-related porn!! This one features the bun, sigh)

Autumn at My Window, by TheCellarDoor, 20.4k words (E). a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. (this is one of those canon-compliant AUs where you’re meant to ignore A LOT, but it’s still a good lil story with a lot of pining)

Maybe I Miss You series, by 13ways, 26k words (E).  Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (a newer series that does a good job of weaving in all kinds of real emotion for an ultimately happy ending)

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), by Teumessian, 28k words (E; needs ao3 account). Louis braids Harry’s hair. There are good times, bad times, fancy houses, supportive bandmates, secret boyfriends, small rebellions, bigger revolutions, some nail varnish, ribbons, cute clothing, and a Pinterest. (THE PINTEREST FIC!!!! and another admittedly canon-compliant semi-AU...but then again, most of them are, right?? idk, idk, i just know this one’s very visual and oh so soft)

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones, by flimsy, 32.9k words (E). Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously. (touch o angst, but it kind of is as it says)

Drifting, Weightless, by @dinosaursmate, 41k words (E). Harry and Louis are exes with benefits until they're not, and the Mediterranean Sea might just be the perfect place to work through some unresolved issues. (this is actually a really funny one, in addition to being emotional and hot, plus I for one would take a One Direction cruise when they get back together in 15 years, sob)

the dark and the dentist, by sunshiner, 66.2k words (E). An account of the events of November 2014. (there are actually a few really big monster fics/series that cover this particular time, but I occasionally skim this one because I like the flashes of random domesticity)

To the Ends of the Earth, by stylinsoncity, 68.4k words (E). During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm. (THE IDAHO CABIN FIC!! And if you haven’t read it in a while, check out the new epilogue from earlier this year...or buy the whole thing on Amazon! Another great one that’s emotional, angsty, soft, and hot, all in one snowball)

Untangle Me, by suicxne, 100k words (E). The one where Harry and Louis finally get it right. (this is another one where you have to ignore A LOT, but it’s like reading a beautiful movie, jesus, I’m still so weak for this fic!! One of the first ones I read in this fandom, and I still randomly think of it every now and again)

Obviously, lots of old and gold here, but that’s because it’s the canon all stars, or whatever...I love a TON of newer fic for all kinds of reasons, so if you need some recs, say the word!

[prophetandprincess]

Tin Man - The Lost Chapter

This is the first part of my multichapter Marvel fic. If you prefer to read on Ao3 here is the link.

Summary: Alexandra is a 22 year old college sophomore studying Biochemistry. Since she moved to the city from a small Midwest town 2 years before she has had a colorful dating history, but all of her exes have taught her skills to survive in the city. However, walking home one night, one of the exes, Markus, decides that Alex’s smart mouth needs to learn a lesson. She is saved by a mysterious stranger who doesn’t have a lot to say and has a metal arm. This act of kindness sets off a series of events that turn her life into something straight out of a movie.

Trigger Warnings: Attempted sexual assault, threatening language, blood, violence Author Note: Sometimes, you are reading through a previous work because you're attempting to get back into the story but have forgotten everything you have written. And sometimes, while you are reading through a work, the page numbers are off, which is VERY aggravating. So, you go where you published the story to see if something accidentally got deleted. You find that it wasn't, but that when you published the story literally years ago, you missed posting a whole ass chapter.So, here is the lost chapter, which takes place between Chapter 5-6. If I have completely lost my mind and this chapter IS somewhere in the story, sorry about the second posting. Things are a little crazy over here these days.

Alex pulled out her phone, mainly to have something to do because she was still shaken up. She had a missed call and a text message from Mr. Malone. She sighed and opened the text. They were putting in a new door when I came in. Left bags inside. Looks like it has been mauled by a bear. What happened? Alex thought about answering, but decided she didn’t have the energy to think up a convincing lie. She texted back a simple thank you and threw the phone back into her purse. “Why are there so many damaged buildings?” James asked as they headed for the subway station. “Left over damage from the Battle of New York. Most areas have been so worried about rebuilding the destroyed buildings that they haven’t taken care of the cosmetic stuff. Brooklyn really didn’t even get the worst of it, not compared to places like Hell’s Kitchen, but Brooklyn’s been slow to deal with the damage.” Alex explained. The Battle had happened the summer before Alex was supposed to move to the city. She had been trying to figure out what to tell her parents about deciding to go to New York University, which had offered her a full ride scholarship. They had all watched in horror as the city was blasted to pieces and a hole opened in the sky. Alex remembered looking for Stark Tower on the news, because if it still stood, then everything else would somehow be okay. If Tony Stark had kept his tower safe than the rest of New York couldn’t be the hell that it looked like. Her heart sank when she saw that the portal was coming from the Tower itself. That’s when she knew New York, the world, would never be the same. After that, she decided she wasn’t going to tell her parents that she was going to New York until a week before she was leaving for freshman orientation. They had been horrified, her mother breaking down into tears and her father spending all night out in the barn. They had called Jake to fly home and talk some sense into her. She had moved up her flight time and left before he ever touched down in the city. “The Battle of New York,” James said the words slowly. “You didn’t know it happened did you?” Alex said as they headed down the steps to the subway. “Are you are missing that part of your memory as well? Or is that when you were overseas?” “I don’t think I was awake for it.” Alex turned, thinking he was being funny, but James’s face was still and serious. Had he been in a coma? What the hell was this guy’s story? The subway train was a lot less crowded and they both got a seat, James hesitated before sitting down next to Alex. Alex made a point to look out the window during the whole trip, her arms burning and her legs shaking. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to tell herself it was just the cold. She tried not to think about the number of times she had been attacked in the last forty-eight hours. She tried to retreat behind her walls of calm and collectedness. She failed. She felt James’s eyes fall on her multiple times, but he made no move to comfort her or speak. When they got off the subway, Alex stopped to buy herself a coffee from a street cart. She didn’t offer to buy James one, it didn’t even cross her mind. He didn’t say anything. Alex unlocked the door to the apartment building and trudged up the flight of stairs, only to be greeted by a new door and a sticky note saying that Jason, the maintenance man, had the new set of keys. Alex knew that she could pick the lock if she needed to, but she didn’t have the energy. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Alex sighed as she walked down to the basement, where Jason’s apartment was. She knocked loudly on the door, knowing that he probably had his Xbox headset on, and waited for him to get untangled to open the door. “Hey A.J.,” Jason said with a yawn as he opened the door. He was the normal maintenance man in a rundown apartment building, late twenties, single, not exactly known for his hygiene, but extremely pleasant. He was the landlord’s younger brother and while he was pretty good was a hammer and a wrench, Alex got the feeling that he was shoved down here almost to hide him from the rest of the world. “Hey Jason, what are we playing today?” It was forced cheerfulness, but Alex didn’t want another person to ask her what was wrong. She might start crying. “Oh, Destiny. I just got it and it is wicked,” Jason said with a smile. “You want to come in a watch?” “Sorry, I have a test to study for. They said you had my new keys?” “Right, right. That door was annihilated, girl. You need to be more careful with those guys.” Jason said as he reached into the bowl by the door and pulled out a set of keys. “If you ever need help, you can always come down and get me. Or call, you have my number.” “Thanks Jason,” Alex said with a sigh as she took the keys from him. She loved that everyone wanted to keep her safe, but if one more person showed concern she might scream. She was a twenty-two year old woman who could, under most circumstances, take care of herself. The references to her dating history was also starting to get old. They were assholes, that is why she broke up with them. Alex got back up to the fifth floor and everything hurt. She didn’t think she had ever been more tired. James was leaning against the door frame. He’s eyes questioned her, but Alex just unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Son of a bitch,” Alex said as she tripped over the shopping bags from earlier, completely forgetting that Mr. Malone said he had left them right inside the door. Alex felt tears start to well up in her eyes and became even more furious with herself. “Are you alright?” James asked, but Alex just kicked the bag out of the way, slammed her coffee cup down on the counter, and stomped into her bedroom. She slammed the door shut and dropped onto her bed. A few tears leaked out of her eyes, she brushed them away furiously. “Alex?” James voice called through the door. “Just give me a minute, Jesus.” Alex called back, angry that her voice shook. She buried her face in the pillow, and screamed. After she was out of breath, she let herself cry silently for a solid ten minutes. It wasn’t just the fight with James, it was just everything that had happened in the past two days. A lot of it was James’s fault, but if hadn’t been around, she knew she would be dead. Alex finally rolled onto her back and took a few deep breaths. Alex hated crying, she found it completely unhelpful because that time could be used to work toward a solution. However, sometimes you just needed a good cry. It was also supposed to help clear your skin or something else too. But you can’t cry forever. Alex sat up and used a tissue to blow her nose. She then stripped out of her clothes and pulled on a pair of oversized sweatpants and a hoodie. Alex braided her hair and used makeup remover to scrub her wrecked makeup off her face. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before emerging from her room. James jumped off the couch when she entered the living room, worry and guilt written all over his face. Alex took a good deal satisfaction in that look. James didn’t try to say anything, but his blue eyes searched for some sort of answer. She didn’t have one. “I…I cleaned up the coffee. It splattered everywhere,” James explained. “Well at least you’re good for something,” Alex mumbled as she walked into the kitchen. She knew she was being unreasonable, but she didn’t care. She had to channel her emotions somewhere and James was standing right there. “I’m going to make some hot cider, do you want any?” Alex asked as she poured water into the kettle and put it over the flames. “Do you have tea?” James asked. Alex snorted. “Orange or Chamomile?” She asked as she grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. “You don’t just have regular tea?” James asked. Alex just stopped and glared at him for a few seconds. “Orange will be fine,” James said as he took a seat at the table. Alex got out the milk and sugar for James as she waited for the water to heat up. She also pulled a bottle of aspirin out of a drawer and took two, dry. All of her aches and pains were starting to get to her. Finally the kettle started to whistle and she made the drinks. Both were silent as she put the mugs on the table and James fixed his tea the way he wanted it. As Alex waited for him to start she started to become more and more unsure if this was a story she wanted to hear. If she could emotionally handle it right now. However, the longer they sat there sipping their drinks the more restless she became. She really did have a test that she had to study for. Alex knew that her priorities were out of order, but it was the only way to keep herself sane. Plus, she needed to keep that scholarship. “I am not going to tell you specifics,” James finally said setting his tea mug down. “Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t want to put you in more danger.” James folded his hands, the metal flashing in the afternoon light. Alex wanted to protest, but a bit of the truth would be better than no truth at all. She folded her feet underneath herself and wrapped her fingers around her coffee mug. The picture of friendly interest. James picked at a scar on his hand, collecting his thoughts. “I was a solider of the U.S. military, part of a specialized group of fighters.” “Like Black ops?” Alex asked. She knew she shouldn’t interrupt, but just listening had never been her strong suit. “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, we worked on a number of high risk and dangerous missions. On one of these missions I got injured and separated from my team. They thought I was dead, I should be dead, but I survived.” James stopped here. “Is that how you got the metal arm? This accident?” Alex asked. “The bones were basically turned to powder. Considering the fall, my entire body should have looked like that, but I survived.” James flexed the fingers on his metal hand. “Maybe it would have been better if it had turned out the other way.” They both sat for a few seconds thinking about this statement. Alex’s knee-jerk reaction was to comfort James, but she was worried that if she interrupted the story she would never hear all of it. She had also out of emotional energy for the day. “Anyway, I was found, treated, and brought back to good health. My memories, everything, were erased gone. The only thing I knew was what the people who saved me told me. So I worked for them and were until recently when my memories started coming back.” “That’s why you came to New York,” Alex said connecting the dots. James nodded. “I got here and nothing looked familiar. My memory would come and go and I got disorientated. That’s why I was walking around that night I saw you forced into the alley.” James said finishing the story. “I have a question,” Alex said as she finished her cider. “I’m pretty sure you have more than one,” James said with a small smile. “True, but that will take hours,” Alex said with an answering smile. “How did you get back to the states? You said you got injured in the war, that’s a long way from home.” “I was on a mission in the states when my memories started to come back,” James explained. Alex nodded as she digested this information. This wasn’t really anything that Alex hadn’t figured out on her own, but the news about him working for someone other than the military was interesting. Not only that, but it sounded like it was also some sort of mercenary organization. Then a thought popped into her head that chilled her. “The people, who saved you…” Alex picked her next words carefully. “They are not exactly friendly are they?” Not as laid back as she wanted it to sound, but the general meaning was there. “That’s one way of putting it,” James said with a ghost of as laugh before turning serious. “They have a view of the world and how it should be. They don’t like opinions that aren’t in line with theirs and will destroy anyone in their way.” “Terrorists?” Alex’s voice was a lot shakier that she planned it to be. Terrorists and terrorism were buzz words that had almost always been a part of Alex’s life. The life of any kid that grew up in American since 2001. However, talking to someone who might have worked for a terrorist organization terrified her. And here she thought she did have any more terror to expend. “I don’t know if they would classify themselves that way. Hey,” James reached across the table to take her hand, but she flinched despite herself. James pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” James said seriously. “Even if it’s you?” Alex asked without looking up at him. “Especially if it’s me,” James said without hesitation. Alex looked up and he met her gaze without flinching. Alex was suddenly filled with such a surge of emotion that she felt the self-control she had been holding onto crumble. She wasn’t sure if it was James’s determination to protect her or the stress of the last couple days, but Alex started to cry. It was just a few tears at first, traitors that escaped from her eyes without thinking. Then they turned into sobs that made her whole body shake. She knocked her mug over as she put her hand to her mouth to try and stifle the sound. Alex closed her eyes and tried to hold onto her runaway emotions. Arms came around her and she leaned against James’s chest. Alex turned her head and sobbed into his shoulder as he held her close. At one point Alex was crying so hard that she felt as if James’s arms were the only thing that was keeping her in one piece. James put his head against hers as she cried, speaking to her softly, though the words were lost in her sobs. Slowly the sobs subsided and Alex got herself under control. She was still almost hyperventilating and nauseous, but the tears finally stopped. She was drained. The warmth and comfort in James’s arm made it so that she didn’t try to move. She just leaned there until hiccups set in. “Well, that was embarrassing,” Alex said shakily as she leaned back. Another hiccup made her jump as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Do you need anything?” James asked as he continued to rub her arm. “Probably a tissue,” Alex said with a sniff. “And I wouldn’t be against a glass of water.” James got up from his kneeling position on the floor and got her the water and a napkin. Alex blew her nose not caring that it sounded like an elephant trumpeting. “Deep breaths,” James said as he resumed his position kneeling next to her chair. He reached up and pushed damp hair out of her face while she concentrated on slowing down her breathing. She took small sips of the water and finally got the hiccups taken care of. “I’m better now,” Alex said both to herself and James. Her head throbbed from how hard she cried and her throat is raw. She went to reach for her mug and realized what was left of her cider was now all over the table and the floor. “I’ll make you some tea,” James said as he got up. He got out a clean mug and filled it was water. It wasn’t lost on Alex that he grabbed the bag of Chamomile and dropped it into the mug. Alex blew her nose again as he brought the mug over. “Drink it slowly,” James advised as he placed the mug in her hand. He then grabbed some paper towels and cleaned up the remnants of her cider. “You don’t need to do that,” Alex said as she sipped the tea. It felt fantastic on her throat and she closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. James didn’t say anything as he finished cleaning up the spilled cider as well as the two dirty mugs. “What time is it?” Alex asked as James finished playing maid. “Just after three,” he said, wiping his hands on a towel. “Shit, I still have to study.” Alex leaned her head back and sighed at the ceiling. “Chemistry isn’t going to learn itself.” It didn’t matter that it felt as if someone had smacked her in the face with said Chemistry book. She was exhausted and felt as if her body was jelly. “Maybe some rest would be best,” James said as he took the mug from Alex’s hand, worried she was going to drop it. “I have to study,” Alex protested weakly. “The test is tomorrow.” “Are you really going to remember anything that you read in this condition? An hour nap isn’t going to kill you.” James said evenly. The pounding headache was more convincing that James was, but his argument was compelling. “Will you wake me?” She asked. She picked up the mug of tea and took another sip. “I can do that,” James said with a small smile. Alex got to her feet and, while her headache got worse, she could stand. She grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before trudging to her bedroom. James walked with her and stood in the doorway as she crawled into bed. “One hours,” Alex said around a yawn. “See you in two hours,” James said. “That’s not-” but he closed the door before she could finish. Alex smiled a little and shook her head. It wasn’t long until she fell into dreamless sleep. Something was brushing against Alex’s cheek and forehead. She turned and rubbed her face against the pillow and snuggled deeper under the blankets. However, whatever was rubbing against his forehead didn’t go away. Alex flicked her hand up to flick the annoying piece of hair out of her face. “God damn it,” Alex grumbled as her hand smacked against metal. “It’s your own fault for not waking up when I called you from the door,” James said with a laugh. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like he belonged there. Alex rolled onto her back and rubbed her knuckles. “I didn’t hear you,” Alex groaned as she sat up. She felt as if she had been asleep for years, but also that she just closed her eyes. Either way, she did not feel rested. “You were pretty much dead,” James agreed. He reached out and took her hand. After examining her knuckles in an exaggerated fashion, he brought the hand up to his lips. He kissed each one softly in turn. Alex stopped breathing. He might have scared her earlier, she hadn’t forgotten that, but she also hadn’t forgotten all the times he had protected her either. James stopped, his eyes looking up to stare into hers. That’s when her heart stopped. The slight smirk, the feel of his lips just barely on her skin, it woke her up pretty quickly. “You were brushing the hair out of my face,” Alex said softly as the pieces started to fall into place. “I guess I should have used my soft hand. You really can’t help hurting yourself,” James reached out with his other hand and pushed her hair away again. His fingers lingered against her skin, tucking it behind her ear. He was careful of her piercings. Without realizing it Alex had leaned toward him so they were mere inches apart. James slowly lowered her hand and inched forward a little. His lower lip trembled. “You…you have studying to do,” James said as he got up and cleared his throat. His departure was so abrupt that all Alex could do was blink after him as he left the room. Suddenly the room seemed very cold. “What are you doing to yourself, Alexandra?” She said, flopping back on the bed. Restless energy made it impossible for her to go back to sleep. With a growl, she threw off the covers and prowled around her room. She grabbed a brush and yanked it through her hair in such force that it brought tears to her eyes. The act soothed her though, and helped her compose herself. “So what have you been doing for the past two,” Alex looked at the clock, “and a half hours. What, don’t you know how to tell time, Tin Man?” “Someone didn’t wake up when I first called her,” James said from the kitchen. “And I’ve been reading.” “Anything good,” Alex asked, as she moved into the kitchen. “Anthem,” James waved to the book on the kitchen table. He hadn’t turned to look at her since she came out of the bedroom. “Ayn Rand is pretty heavy stuff. Not exactly light reading. I got it for a class,” Alex went back into the living room and grabbed her Chemistry book. She didn’t know what to do now. The chances of her focusing on Chemistry after what just happened in the bedroom was next to none. “If you’re hungry, I made something,” James called from the kitchen. “Like food?” Alex asked as she brought her book with her back into the other room. “No, a bomb.” James said as he put a bowl of steaming soup on the table. There was also a glass of Coke and crackers at her place. “You made soup,” Alex almost started crying again. “The directions are on the can, wasn’t that hard.” James said with a smile. “Now if you had a whole chicken and vegetables, I would have shown you what soup was.” “You cook?” Alex asked as she folded herself into the chair. “You’re just full of surprises.” “This, this isn’t cooking,” James flung the ladle about as he spoke. “Roasted chicken, fried potatoes, carrots, fresh bread and butter. That is cooking and that’s a meal.” Alex felt her mouth water at him describing it. “You could cook all that?” Alex asked and James gave her a look. “Don’t look at me like that. Not many men can cook all that. Though with your strong mothering instinct I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” “When you grow up in a rough spot in Brooklyn with a best friend that decides that he wants to get into back alley fights you develop some mothering instincts.” James countered as he sat across from Alex with his own bowl of soup. “Not a lot of back alley fights back home. Not a lot of alleys period,” Alex said with a small smile. “Though I did get in my fair share of recess brawls. People stopped bothering me after about fifth grade.” “You got a reputation by then?” James asked with a laugh. “Nope, started developing boobs. Suddenly boys didn’t want to fight me and girls had evolved to talking behind my back.” Alex said as she took a sip of her soup. It wasn’t just canned soup, he had spiced it. “I hit a growth spurt about the same time. Girls started noticing me and guys decided they would find other prey. Unfortunately, it was usually Steve.” “Your best friend?” Alex guessed. James nodded. “Me and Jake were inseparable, even as kids. I hung around with mostly his friends, who were mostly male and mostly older. They kept me safe from everyone else. I had two friends I kept most of the way through school. Haven’t talked to them since I left home, though…” Alex hadn’t thought about Georgia and Diana in months. “I get the feeling that you burned a lot of bridges when you came to the city.” “Not burned…more like put up detour signs. Most of the people in my town never left, they lived there all their life. I didn’t want that to be me and suddenly that made me uppity. My father didn’t think his baby girl could handle herself in the big city and my mom just didn’t want an empty nest. I still talk to my parents, but we aren’t as close as we use to be.” Alex shrugged. She tried to act as if it didn’t bother her, and on most days it didn’t, but with everything that had been happening she was a bit homesick. She wanted to talk to her mom. Grace Harper always knew what to do. Then again, she would probably start crying again. “You shouldn’t stay away from home too long. You never know when you might not be able to go back.” James grabbed a cracker and dunked it into his soup. “I’ll head home over break, but until then I have chemistry to study.” Alex was done with the subject of her family. “I always was interested in science, but didn’t really get a chance to explore it. I was into technology, though. I was always reading about the latest Stark invention as a kid.” James said as Alex flipped open her book. “Which Stark?” Alex asked. Howard Stark had died when she was a toddler and Tony took over the company. She had the feeling that James was a few years older than her, so he might remember Howard. “What?” James looked confused by the question. “Howard or Tony?” James still looked confused so Alex dropped it. “I was never really into explosions or fire that was the staple of Stark Industries for so long. The new Arc Reactor was pretty amazing, but I’m more interested in biology based science.” “Is that why you were so interested in my arm?” James asked. “I was interested in your arm because that is some seriously wicked metal work not to mention the mechanics that went into it. I’m more into what goes on in the brain.” Alex explained. She had decided that she was going to major in Biochemistry in high school, but part of her was starting to wonder if Neurobiology was the way to go. Alex decided to get through the chemistry test first before she rethought her whole life plan. “You can finish your food before hitting the books.” James said as he got up and refilled her soup bowl. “It’s called multitasking,” Alex countered as she bit into a cracker. “Well, then I’ll take a page out of your book,” James said as he grabbed the novel and resumed his seat across from her. They sat there eating and pretending to read, but their eyes would stray to the other when they weren’t looking. Instead of seeing the words on the page or the definitions, she kept thinking about his blue eyes. The feeling of his hands against her skin, both of his hands. There was still the lingering pull to reach across the table and grab him. His brow was furrowed and his lips moved ever so slightly as he read. Lips she wanted to sink her teeth into. “I…I need a change of scenery.” Alex said when she couldn’t take it anymore. “Was I bothering you?” James asked as he pushed a piece of hair out of his face. “I’m just not feeling the vibe in here.” Alex lied as she gathered up her materials. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” After Alex closed the door she leaned against it and sighed. Alex had been in her fair share of relationships and causal hook-ups, but this was the first time she couldn’t control her emotions. It was frightening and exhilarating, but not when you had a test at nine the next morning. Not with a man that might have been part of a terrorist cell or something else equally shady until a few days ago. Alex grabbed her IPod and put in her earbuds. She turned on her study playlist, which consisted of mostly dubstep and house music. As the bass slowly replaced the thoughts of James, Alex started to make notecards to help her study. Four hours and almost a hundred notecards later Alex was feeling a lot more confident about the test. She was also pretty sure her eyes were going to start bleeding. Hitting the pause button on her IPod she got up and stretched. It was definitely time for a snack. “How’s the book coming?” Alex asked as she passed James on the couch. “I’ve read it before, but it is a lot more interesting now.” James said as he marked his placed before closing the cover. Alex pulled a bag of popcorn of the cupboard and stuck it in the microwave. Alex had brought her notecards out with her and flipped through them as she waited for the popcorn to pop. “Not much of a study break if you don’t stop studying,” James said as he padded into the kitchen. He had pulled his hair out of the ponytail it had been in all day, which gave it a slight wave. Alex was pretty sure there were male models that didn’t look as good as he did. Alex jumped when the microwave dinged and dropped the cards that she had in her hands. Swearing under her breath, she turned and popped the microwave door open. She turned to start picking up the cards to see James already kneeling down to collect them. “You don’t need to do that,” Alex said quickly getting down to get the few remaining that James hadn’t picked up. “You need to start letting people do things for you,” James said with a small laugh. Once again the two of them were nose to nose and once again Alex felt a charge between them. Part of her wanted to just reach over and kiss him, the other part knew that he was lost and confused. It wouldn’t be fair for her to complicate things further. If he decided to kiss her, however, all bets were off. “Your popcorn is going to get cold,” James said. It was the same type of dismissal that he had used before, but this time he didn’t move to put distance between them. “I’m not worried,” Alex’s voice was soft. James’s eyes darted to her lips and then back to her eyes. They were questioning, but they were also confused. As much as it killed her, Alex knew that she didn’t want to push him into anything that he would regret. She got to her feet and grabbed the popcorn bag. “Do you want any of this before I go back into my study hole?” She ripped the bag open a bit more furiously than needed. With all this pent up frustration she might need to pull out her little friend with the batteries before she went insane. Then she remembered she hadn’t gotten batteries when they were out. “I’ll take a handful.” James got to his feet and reached into the bag. Alex looked anywhere but him. She didn’t just trust herself not to jump him if they shared another one of those looks. She was only human after all. “You’re good to go,” James said. “Feel free to grab something if you get hungry,” Alex said as she almost ran back to her bedroom. She closed the door and was starting to wonder when she became a hormone monster that in which she had to cage herself. You’d think with her current run in with men she would want nothing to do with them. She put her headphones back in, propped the popcorn against her leg, and turned her thoughts back to studying. It wasn’t that long before she heard a knock on the door. She pulled out her headphones and looked up at James. “I’ve been thinking,” he said from the doorway. “Though I smelled something burning,” Alex said as she flipped over a notecard and looked up. “What’s on your mind?” “I’m going to be leaving tomorrow.” It took a few moments before the words made their way into her brain around all the Chemistry facts. “What, why?’ She asked, putting all her study materials down. “I can’t just stay here until I figure out what to do with myself. That isn’t fair to you,” James explained, but he wouldn’t look her in the eyes. “This isn’t about this afternoon is it?” “No,” James raked his hand through his hair. “Okay, yes it is. But it isn’t just that. It’s not safe for me to be here. I can’t stay any place too long or the people looking for me would find me.” James paced into the room to remove nervous energy. “The people you use to work for?” Alex’s brain was furiously trying to think of a way to make him stay. “Them, and other people…” James continued to pace. “Either way it’s time for me to move on.” “I just don’t understand why now? Did I do something?” Alex was trying to understand. “What? No! That’s not it.” James blew out and stopped moving. “Alexandra…I just…you make me feel things that I haven’t in a while. That scares me because I can’t control it and that makes me unstable. This afternoon was proof of that. I don’t want to do that to you and I can’t do that to myself.” James stopped and looked out her bedroom window. Alex felt as if her heart was about to pound out of her chest, every one of his words both made her happy and terribly scared. “So you are doing this to protect yourself.” Alex couldn’t blame him, but that didn’t mean that she had to like it. It almost scared her how comfortable she had become with him around in just a few days. “It isn’t that I don’t want to stay with you. Actually, it is the exact opposite,” James said slowly, “but the people I worked for are going to come for me. When they do, I don’t want you in the crossfire. I am trying to keep you safe, to keep us both safe.” “But I feel safer when you are here,” Alex didn’t want to whine, but that is exactly what she was doing. James’s blue eyes were sad, but he shook his head. “Sometimes, and sometimes you have to wonder if I’m going to turn on you. Alex,” he said when she opened his mouth to protest, “I can see it. I don’t blame you. If anything, you aren’t nearly as scared of me as you should be. This is not how you should live.” “There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind, is there?” Alex knew by the tone of his voice that he made up his mind. “The fact that you want to makes me worry about your mental state,” James said, giving her a small smirk. She sat there for a few moments, letting it all sink in. Alex felt panic rising in her, but she squelched it. She had no right to keep him here. “Just…just do me a favor. Wait until I get out of class before you leave?” Alex asked clearing her throat. “I have my exam in the morning and then we can get lunch before you head out.” “I can do that. We’ll have lunch together and then I’ll disappear as easily as I appeared.” James said and his voice held a conviction that Alex knew she couldn’t shake. Alex felt her heart constrict, but nodded her head. He was right, it was better that they parted ways before anyone got hurt or got attached. But Alex knew it was already too late for that.

[nightglider124]

Japan: My Trip

Thought I’d put together a little photo diary of my two weeks in Japan because why not and I just like to share with my tumblr pals.

Read on to find out what I got up to.

Sunday 13th May

This was the day I flew out to Japan. I packed my bag and was ready to leave at 11am UK time. I’m not gonna lie to ya’ll, I was an emotional mess, leaving my family behind. 

You should know, I’ve never been on a trip without my family and I’ve never been out of Europe. So, going out to Japan with just my best friend was a big thing for me. So, was pretty tearful and then my mum like burst into tears; she’s a worrier. 

Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet my bestie and we did all the boring airport stuff and soon enough, we were on the plane. The sky is ridiculously pretty at different times during an overnight flight or at least, a flight that crosses different time zones. 

Pretty uneventful. I mostly ate, slept and wrote chapter 1 of CTD: Bound. 

Monday 14th May

So, I arrived in Japan’s Narita airport at 11am.

Then I went up and grabbed my suitcase as well as going and grabbing my pocket wifi - Something that is tremendously helpful if you go to Japan. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys but in London, I pretty much have wifi anywhere I go whereas in Japan, it wasn’t as easy to come across; at least not for free. 

The pocket wifi was a godsend. It can connect up to 10 devices and it lasts all day long when fully charged. Now, there were a couple times it tapped out but you just need to turn it off and turn it on again. 

It cost about £60 for 2 weeks but if you’re going with people, it works out better. Me and my friend split it so we only paid £30 each but very worth it.

But, yeah, defo recommend this for anyone who is going to Japan. It was a big help, especially when needing to look up locations and/or directions.

Next, we went and grabbed our Japan rail passes which look like so:

This was probably the best thing I bought for Japan. Not even joking. 

Even if you aren’t going very far, this thing helps so much. It’s a pass that allows you to use any trains that are owned by the JR company which is a fair amount that helps you get around Tokyo and surrounding districts. Note: You have to buy it before you fly to Japan and take the exchange form that comes in the post with you to Japan. You exchange it at the airport and they give you the passes above. Just make double sure your passport has been stamped because otherwise, they won’t let you have it. 

Anyway, this was £310 for 2 weeks but again: WORTH IT. It does depend on what you’re doing but me and my friend were out and using transport every single day. We also went far. We went to Hiroshima, Kyoto and Osaka - All covered by the passes. And for example, £310 is basically a return ticket to Kyoto so you are already making your money back. 

So, we picked these up and using them, hopped on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Shinjuku (Sound familiar, Titan fans? Yes, it’s the ‘roughest part of town’ according to Robin in the Trouble in Tokyo movie). It took about an hour and then we checked into our hotel which was: Shinjuku Prince Hotel.

It was a really nice hotel actually. The staff were friendly and spoke really good English. I recommend staying here; it’s right in the heart of busy Shinjuku and was only 5 mins from the station. We booked a deluxe twin room because two rooms worked out more expensive and it was not too shabby at all. I didn’t actually take any pictures so I snubbed some off google.

Anyway, we were running a little late and we had tickets to the Studio Ghibli museum so naturally, I was freaking out because the website expresses that they are strict on being on time for your slot. I nearly had a breakdown because... dunno if ya’ll remember but I had a right time trying to get a hold of these tickets. They sell out so quickly it is unreal. Anyway, our slot was 4pm and they only allow you to be 30 mins late. 

We arrived at 4:50pm and I was close to tears as I ran into the park it’s situated in. I was so annoyed and so scared they weren’t going to let us in. But...

They did!! The guy was so sweet; I think he could see by my face how much I wanted to go inside. He was like all smiley and was like it’s okay, go on in. I was like THANK YOU JESUS. Here are some photos:

They don’t allow photography inside to preserve the magic of visiting. And honestly, it was so nice inside. It felt just like a Ghibli movie and seeing the animation process and the short film and the original drawings... it was all so amazing. Being a Ghibli fan makes this 1000% better but it’s still great for people who aren’t as into it. My friend isn’t really into Ghibli movies but she thought it was still pretty cool whereas there was me in like awe over all of it.

Anyway, we stayed there about an hour and as you can imagine, we were frazzled af. We were tired from the flight but I wanted us to force ourselves to stay up so jet lag wasn’t as much a problem. 

After, we made our way back to Shinjuku where I took some pics from my hotel room:

Then we grabbed some McDonalds which was literally just across from us; something quick so we didn’t starve. I facetimed my family, showered and fell asleep.

Tuesday 15th May

So, the first full day we were there, it was a more chilled, sightseeing day. Nothing too taxing and we felt a lot more refreshed after a proper sleep.

First, we went and checked out the Tokyo Imperial Palace which was really pretty but we couldn’t go inside. It was mega hot the entire time we were in Japan; I thought I’d die. I hate the heat.

And because I was out in the heat all day and didn’t think to put suncream on... yeah, you can see where this is going... 

More on that later, because then we carried on to the Yasukuni shrine which is just down the street from the East Gardens of the palace. 

The shrine was cool and everything was so pretty; very tranquil and peaceful.

In the afternoon, we headed over to the Sunshine City mall in Ikebukuro where I forced my friend into the Pokemon Centre Store which was LIT.

I was fucking excited, ya’ll. I got some really cute stuff too. Got myself some Mimikyu chopsticks, an Eevee tail key holder, a Pikachu glasses case, a Pikachu makeup bag and a little Mimikyu figure bc Mimikyu is a fave and I have no cool stuff with it on. 

I also got my brother most of his souvenirs in here because we have loved Pokemon since the dawn of time. I mean, we’ve fallen out of it in recent years because all the new gen pokemon etc... we’re more for the original pokemon and original series and games. Seriously, when kids come up to me like, do you even know Pokemon I’m like bitch step back you don’t even KNOW. It’s like I got a Pokemon CD for my brother and it had a japanese version of one of the songs from the first movie and we were like screaming. That film man, don’t even look at me.

Ahem... the Pokemon store was so wicked but mega expensive like shit son. Glad I took so much money with me because I NEEDED IT.

After the Pokemon store, we went down a level to the Studio Ghibli store where I didn’t get as much stuff as I thought I was gonna. 

But, I got a Spirited Away fan with No Face on it, a Totoro and No face figure as well as a Totoro bib and hat for my niece. 

Then we went and had fooood where I noticed... I was extremely sunburnt... Like in the below pic, you can’t see it that much because it hadn’t really come out full pelt yet.

Pls ignore my hamster face but see my chest? Burny burny burnt burnt. I got back to the hotel later that night and I had the shakes where it was hot and all the heat was there rather than all over. It was horrible.

I’m lucky I decided to wear full on makeup that day otherwise my face would have gotten buuurnt. Well done, Estee Lauder foundation, well done.

But yeah, it wasn’t the best end to the day because then I was all uncomfortable and my skin was sensitive and I was mad at myself for not putting on cream so then I got all upset and cried but I think I was still tired from the journey too and I was overwhelmed but yeah; kinda sucked.

Other than the sunburn, I also didn’t pack shorts for under my dress so my thighs rubbed and were in agony as well as my vans gave me like 4 blisters on each foot so I couldn’t walk or at least was in extreme pain when I tried so getting back to the hotel was a damn hoot.

Besides all that, it was a pretty good day!

Wednesday 16th

This was the day we trekked all the way down to Hiroshima which is like a 5 hour journey by train. We had to take two trains but it was actually not too bad. It certainly didn’t feel like it took that long to get down to Hiroshima. 

One thing I will say about longer train journeys; remember to reserve a seat. Some like the one from Narita Airport are reserve only so you have to reserve a seat for it. But, others don’t need it and have “non reserved” cars but mark my words, if you’re travelling on these trains at a busy time, it really pays off to reserve a seat. We didn’t for Hiroshima and whilst we found seats for the 3 hour part of the journey; on the second train, we had to stand for like 45 minutes because there were no seats and then even when we did get to sit down, it was separated so yeah; book your train seats, people.

Once we arrived in Hiroshima, we hopped on a ferry which took us to Miyajima island. It’s about a 10 minute journey and once again, it’s covered by the JR pass. I loved that thing to death not even kidding.

Here’s some pictures I took on the ride over:

This island is home to the big red Torii gate that people may know of. I picked up some cute souvenirs and ate katsu. And there were even deer roaming around the place! A couple got married too whilst we were visiting and it was so nice. Again, it was mega hot so I was dying from that aspect but otherwise, I could live on this little island.

Unfortunately, we spent so much time at the island; we didn’t get round to doing the two other things we had planned which were seeing Hiroshima Castle and the Atomic dome memorial. I was kinda bummed by not seeing those but the last train was at 5pm and we weren’t staying the night so we had to get said train. It was okay though; it’s something to add to the list of things to see when I eventually revisit.

We got back at about 10pm and then it was lights out because we were exhausted.

Thursday 17th May

This was another sightseeing day that was fairly local considering we were pretty tired from Hiroshima still. 

We traveled over to Asakusa which has the lovely Senso-ji temple and shrine. It was really cute, the walk up to the temple is lined with all these little shops and souvenir like places which have charms and fans etc. Really nice.

Inside, they do this thing where you pay 100 yen and you shake a metal box that contains lots of sticks with numbers on. When you bring out a stick, you find the number it matches and you bring out the fortune. You get a good fortune, regular fortune or bad fortune. I got myself a regular ol’ fortune XD. 

But, they also have this rack so that if you get a bad fortune, you tie it to the rack to rid yourself of the bad fortune whereas a good or regular one; you would carry it with you.

Other than that, we hung out and then went back to our hotel for a while before heading out again to check out the nightlife of the area. Everything was mega lit up and was so nice. We went and grabbed dinner and also went and got crepes. They were a m a z i n g. Like they were so good ugh. 

After that, went back, showered and slept. Pretty uneventful day; just being touristy. 

Friday 18th May

Again, more sightseeing on this day. We went and saw the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and looked out over Tokyo.

Then, we went to the Meiji Shrine.

Aaand lastly, we went to Shibuya for the evening.

Yes, those are people dressed as characters from Mario Kart driving in the streets of Tokyo. This place was crazy. XD

After seeing the crossing scramble that is so infamous, we trekked back to the hotel and fell asleep.

Saturday 19th May

This day we literally went on trains all day to collect stamps. In Japan, they do these things called Eki stamps which are stamps you can find at stations, museums, shrines, tourist spots etc.

I haven’t got any pictures of mine but i got like 50 of them whilst I was in Japan. Going on one train line at all the stops got me like 30. 

We had nothing else planned on this day so my friend suggested the collecting stamps XD.

Sunday 20th May

This was one of my two absolute favourite days whilst I was there. It was the day I went and saw Mt Fuji and went into Aokigahara forest. 

It was approx 2 hours from Tokyo but we’d booked a tour instead of trying to do it ourselves. It worked out a lot easier. When we reached the highest point you can go to on Mt Fuji, by vehicle anyway, we had 30 mins to sightsee. We took pictures and went into the souvenir shop etc. 

My god, it was so frickin’ cold up there. Obviously. We were high off the ground like shit, it was freezing. But, pretty pictures.

We then went caving in an ice cave that is iced over all year round and is not usually open to the public. 

After that, we were taken back to Shinjuku where we grabbed food and went back to sleeeep.

Monday 21st May

We went to Kyoto on this day. We managed to see all we wanted to as well but then again, Kyoto was only a 2 and a bit hour train ride away.

When we got there, we saw the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

They were pretty but boy, was there a lot of people. I had to wait for so long to get pictures with none of very few people in it.

Then, we headed over to Kinkaku-ji which is this golden temple.

Again, very pretty.

Lastly, we checked out the Arashiyama Bamboo grove which was pretty also.

After that, we headed home to our hotel. We had an exciting day the next day.

Tuesday 22nd May

TOKYO DISNEYLAND, BITCHES.

I was excited and I can see why people hype Disneyland up. No matter which one you visit, there is this big sense of nostalgia and magic. It was unforgettable and wasn’t half as busy as some theme parks get here. But, I suppose we did go on a Tuesday.

Would hate to see it on a weekend.

The mike melonbread was delicious <3

Disneyland catered to the childish side of me and I loved every single bit of it. <3

Wednesday 23rd May

On this day, we visited Osaka which is about the same sorta time out from Tokyo as Kyoto is. Again, not too much going on. We checked out Osaka Castle.

And then, we checked out Dotonbori which was also very cool.

After that, we headed back to Tokyo. There wasn’t too much we were desperate to see in Osaka and it was raining which wasn’t the nicest.

Thursday 24th May

Last full day meant Harajuku and Shibuya for shopping day. I haven’t got any pictures but omg we went and did those purikura photo things? They are hilarious. It was funny doing them but even looking at them; they funny XD

I bought a bunch of stuff for myself as well as my family as souvenirs. It was funnn. 

Friday 25th May

The day I flew home to London :(. I was sad to leave Japan but I was really happy to be coming home. No matter how much you may call your country a shit place, there’s no place like home. 

Omg, I went over my bag weight limit with all the stuff I bought. I’m allowed 23kg and my suitcase was 27kg -.-

I paid £65 for that extra weight because I was not about to be that person who opens their suitcase in the middle of check in trying to decrease the weight XD

Pretty straight forward afterwards. I flew home and when I got to my house, my family let me have reign on dinner so we got KFC.

So, that is what I got up to in Japan. I loved every minute I was there. It is so very different than London and it has much more beauty than any city I’ve been to has.

I can’t wait to go back someday and I encourage anyone and everyone to go there. It is something else! <3

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! I appreciate it ^.^

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2021 - Day 7 - Knuckleball (2018)

Will this movie be a strike out or a homer?

Much like ‘The Pool’ last year, this one comes courtesy of YOUR BOY Jay Hunter of OSW fame who did a review last year. Basically a horror version of Home Alone? You had me at hello...

The story goes that young Henry is dropped off at his Grandfather’s remote farm house as his parents are en route to a funeral. But, when Grandpa pops his clogs in the middle of the night, things take a devious twist and Henry goes down a rabbit hole into some dark family history.

I’m not sure what he’s playing on the car ride over though, some sort of Castle Crashers-esque side scroller. Those graphics are really reminiscent of the Scott Pilgrim game, I imagine this isn’t an actual game they’ve licenced for use but it’s also a bit odd that someone would to the expense of having a fake game mocked up. Usually the most you get is the sight of someone slapping away at a controller whilst random sound effects play to give the illusion of them playing a game without ever actually seeing the screen. Usually it’s a really weird mix too, like they’ll have PS4 controllers in their hands but you’ll hear Atari 2600 bleeps and bloops coming from the TV.

Too much playing on his phone drains his battery though and wouldn’t you know who forgot to bring his charger?! Pop pop never believed in them there phones though so little Henry has no way of raising the alarm, other than a 5 second voice mail he’s able to leave with his Dad who now have to dash back. I suppose even Home Alone had to write around why Kevin didn’t just phone the cops so we’re in good company here.

Whilst Home Alone might have had some mild violence and threat, it had enough charm and comic mischief about it to still come off as fairly light hearted even as the Wet Bandits were trying to kick the back door in.

But it’s kind of hard for Knuckleball to capture that same level of charm when young Henry is having to fend off turbo nonce Dixon over here rather than a couple of incompetent burglars. Kevin McAllister might have been looking after his family’s jewels but Henry is looking after his family jewels. Does kinda add this whole extra level of tension to affairs. It would bring a whole new meaning to the name Sticky Bandits though...

Dixon is played by Munro Chambers who actually had pedigree on this blog as he was in that Beethoven Christmas movie that I watched a few years back. I thought he looked vaguely familiar.

This movie can get pretty sadistic too with the level of violence on show. Home Alone is pretty violent considering that it’s a PG, hello blow torch to the scalp, but then you have things like tripping over the Micro Machines or stepping on the baubles. It brings things down a few notches from the extreme of the blowtorch but it also works in terms of those being believable things Kevin would have around. Given than Henry is on a farm though, his choices include razor wire and pelting Dixon with mason jars full of fuel.

Pretty much his opening move is to set Dixon on fire after dousing him in petrol. Jesus Christ! There’s not going to be much of a house left to survive in if you burn it down right out of the gate.

This does leave Dixon with a wicked cheek scar for the rest of the movie though, his skin all festering and bubbling...disgusting. Doesn’t help that Henry then slashes it with a knife before stabbing him through the hand. This kid is messed up.

I’m being a little non spoilery for once given this is relatively new and is probably a lot more unknown compared to some of the other things I’ve looked at but I feel there are some unanswered questions regarding some of the things that come to light in this story. But perhaps it’s one of those instances where something being left to your imagination makes it much worse, now I’m speculating in my head about how some of the events played out and certain people’s involvement in them.

The general theme of baseball is a little odd to me though, even going so far as to name the movie on it. It doesn’t play a massive role in the story, more a little seasoning for some of the characters. It does serve as a bonding point for Henry and his Grandaddy so maybe that’s the point, to lure you in with this slightly frosty but seemingly loving family relationship before peeling away the layers to reveal the skeletons lurking in the closet...

[s-o-a-p-ing]

PSALMS S.O.A.P.

PSALM 70

Friday, 4/9/21

Wow... so many verses spoke to me... here's the one that spoke the loudest - or whispered the closest...

SCRIPTURE:

I will shout for joy and sing Your praises, for You have ransomed me.  ~ Psalm 71:23

OBSERVATION:

Ransom is usually paid for one who is/was kidnapped - kidnapped because they were overpowered despite their own efforts to fight the kidnapper... who often does the snatching as an "inside job..."

Here, the kidnapper is the enemy - who often wheedles his way in and smooth-talks and convinces me to go along... (remember the "scary" movies in elementary and middle school about not accepting rides or candy from strangers - not allowing them to approach with a puppy or story of a missing kitten - of claiming to be a friend of your parents who need to get you to them with some made-up story?  And how the "victim" hollered or cried in fear once they realized what was going on...? Or am I REALLY showing my age? 🥴)

Ransom is paid by one - in this case THE One - has the means - and in this case, it is Jesus - the "gift" without price...

Here my shouting should be joyful and singing, not crying in fear...

APPLICATION:

Shout for joy~!

Sing His praises~!

Be aware of the enemy's lurking - of the stranger with "candy" or a misleading story...

PRAYER:

Protecting, rescuing Father God - my rock of safety where I can always hide - thank you for rescuing me from the power of the wicked and the clutches of cruel oppressors, even, or especially, my own self-defeating wants and desires... Please allow Your Spirit, O Lord, to remind me that You alone are my hope, that I have trusted You from childhood, that You have been with me from before I was even born... from my mother’s womb You have cared for me. May Your strength and protection in my life be an example to many, and may I never stop giving You praise and glory - and thanksgiving for ransoming me from the enemy and myself, through the matchless, priceless, perfect life and love of Your Son Jesus, who taught me to pray in His Name and His Name only...

>>>>ix<<<<

Just because it's the weekend doesn't mean you can't reach out here, hear?

For Him, for y'all...

g

<))><

[words-and-fangirling-wonder]

(Definitely Not) A Double Date

Fandom: One Piece

Rating: General Audiences

Pairing: Law/Lu

Prompt From @fitgirlfaith24: Luffy drags Law on an outing to a Cider Mill was the original prompt, but I talked to her and she was okay with changing it to a surprise! Double Date with Zoro, Sanji, Luffy and Law at a cider mill, bless her heart.

Author: Fangirl Wonder (WordsandWonder on AO3)

As the car pulled to a jerky stop in the unpaved cider mill parking lot, Law couldn’t help but wonder what the record was for amount of times regretting a decision in a half hour period. Because throughout that car-ride, he had regretted his decision to accompany Sanji on what was “totally not a double date!” about five thousand times. He’d known, he’d known, damnit, that this was a double date. He knew when Sanji first asked him to come and tried to stealthily add that the guy he liked was bringing a friend, hoping Law wouldn’t catch it before he agreed. He knew when after he adamantly refused, Sanji pulled out the puppy dog eyes and bribed him with promises of home cooked meals twice a week for a month. He knew when the whole group showed up at his apartment that morning and Zoro’s mysterious friend turned out to be none other than Luffy.

Luffy, who was constantly blowing up Law’s phone with excited text messages Law could barely read between the grammar mistakes and exclamation points. Luffy, who sometimes showed up at Law’s work with food for them both and wouldn’t leave until Law caved and ate. Luffy, who dragged Law to the movies every other week because “otherwise Torao would never have any fun.” Luffy, who Law may or may not have drunkenly made out with last weekend. A lot. Luffy, who insisted it was okay (when Law apologized for his behavior), because they were boyfriends, so it was bound to happen eventually. Which had been news to Law, but of course Luffy had been unfazed by his insistence that they were, under no uncertain terms, not in a relationship.

So yeah, really, he had no one to blame for his situation but himself, because he had fucking known. But that didn’t stop him from shooting his blonde friend a murderous glare as they exited the car.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sanji muttered as he watched Law slam the door.

“For which part, exactly? The “Oh no, Law, it’s not a double date, come on, I wouldn’t do that to you” bullshit? Or for having me sit in back with him so you could hold hands with Zoro in the front seat?” the raven-haired man snapped.

“Well, it’s not like you hate him, though!” the chef defended in a hushed whisper. “You’re kinda dating, aren’t you? You hang out with him all the time!”

“We are not kinda dating!” Except they kinda were, if you squinted. Or, you know, just looked at the situation normally, because fucking goddamnit, they were, weren’t they? When the fuck did that happen? But that did not mean Law was ready to admit it. “And even if we were, you still conned me into going on a double date and you know I hate double dates.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to make you all your favorite food twice … three times a week! For the next month!” Sanji reminded. “I really am sorry, though. I know you don’t like this kinda thing, but I just … I really like him and I wanted my best friend here for emotional support the first time I went out with him, is that so bad?”

Well, damnit, how was Law supposed to be mad at him after that? “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Three times a week. And no-”

“No bread, I know. Jeeze, Trafalgar, how long have I been feeding you? I know your thing about bread.”

Law smirked at the blonde and tilted his head, indicating where Zoro and Luffy were whispering together a short distance away. “I guess we better join them, huh? What do you think they’re whispering about over there?”

“Probably something similar to what we were,” Sanji shrugged. “Zoro had to beg Luffy to come today too. He kept saying he didn’t want to join because you’d be mad.”

Law definitely did not blush at that. “That’s a good sign, then, right? That Zoro wanted to hang out with you enough that he was willing to beg Luffy?”

Sanji tried to hide a smile behind his hand under the guise of rubbing his nose. “I guess. Hey guys, wait up!”

Zoro and Luffy turned around and waited for the other men to catch up, Luffy with a brilliant smile and cheerful wave, and Zoro with a slightly happier-looking scowl than usual. As soon as Sanji and Law caught up, Zoro nudged the blonde with his shoulder playfully.

“You girls have a nice chat?” he teased.

“Shut up, Marimo. Let’s go look at some pumpkins or something.”

Luffy appeared suddenly at Law’s side and laced his fingers with the surgeon’s tattooed ones. “I want doughnuts! Do you eat doughnuts, Torao? Or are they too much like bread?”

“Huh?” Law glanced up when he realized Luffy was waiting for a response. He’d been too distracted by the sudden warmth of having his hand held. “Uh, too much like bread. I like cider, though.”

Luffy beamed. “Cool! Then let’s go get some cider! And I’ll get doughnuts, but you don’t have to. Or, you could get some and I could eat them for you. I’m willing to do that for you, cuz I’m just that good a boyfriend.”

"Damnit, Luffy, I've told you a hundred times, I'm not your boyfriend." Despite Law's obvious irritation, Luffy only snuggled closer to his side and grinned up at him. "Shishishi! Sure you are, Torao! Otherwise why would we be holding hands?" "Because you won't let go," the man spit back, bringing their linked fingers up to Luffy's face as proof. "Well," Luffy said slowly, "I will if you want me to. Do you really want me to?" "..." When Law didn't agree or pull his hand away Luffy's energetic grin returned full force, so bright and sudden the doctor almost felt blinded by it. "Oh, whatever, just ... C'mon. We're falling behind." Catching up apparently wasn’t on Luffy’s to-do list, as he began practically dragging Law to each thing they passed, becoming more and more excited at each new cider mill activity. Law tolerated this with a decent amount of patience, and even found himself smiling a little at the younger man’s enthusiasm. He did balk, however, when Luffy found one of those wooden cut-out things that usually made an appearance at carnivals and such.

“Don’t even think about it, I am not sticking my head in th-”

“Hey! Could you take a picture of me and my boyfriend in this thing?” the boy interrupted to ask a passerby, pointing hopefully at the wooden painting of a farmer and his wife with holes where their faces should be. To Law’s horror, the woman agreed and accepted Luffy’s phone without complaint. “Hurry up, Torao, they’re waiting!”

“Ugh, fine! But I’m not being the wife, Luffy, you move over right now,” the taller man grumbled, taking his place behind the cut-out and sticking his face in the hole.

“Very nice,” the stranger complimented as she handed the phone back after taking a few pictures. “You two are cute together!”

“We’re not - oh whatever. Where the hell are Zoro and Sanji?”

“Don’t worry, Torao, we found you two just in time to see that. So precious,” Zoro commented from behind them.

Law smirked at the green-haired man. “Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. I’ll take the picture if you and Sanji want to do it too.”

The wicked grin fell off Zoro’s face comically fast. “No wa-”

“Oh come on, Marimo, it’s fun! Please?” Sanji pleaded.

The doctor honestly expected Zoro to refuse, but instead got to watch as the man looked between the absurd novelty board and the chef. He was obviously having an internal battle with his want to please Sanji and his want to not look like an idiot, and Law thought that was just adorable.

“Fine,” he finally consented. “But if you post this on the facebook I’m gonna be pissed.”

“Aw, don’t be a spoilsport!” Sanji booed. “Besides, how would you even know? You don’t have a facebook.”

“I’ll get one just to make sure.”

Watching them bicker back and forth as they took their places, Law really couldn’t see why Sanji was so worried. It was blatantly apparent that Zoro was totally into him. If the way he looked at the cook wasn’t enough to prove that, the fact that he was actually trying not to look completely miserable as he stuck his head though the face hole of the farmer’s wife certainly did. And while that made Law really happy for his friend, it absolutely did not mean he wouldn’t still mess with the bulkier man.

“Say cheese!” he called in an overly cheerful voice meant to irk Zoro.

“Cheese!” the blonde replied.

“Fuck you,” the other grumbled.

Law snapped the picture and gave Sanji his phone back. “Did you guys already get your cider and stuff?” he asked. “Luffy got distracted.”

“Nah, we got distracted too,” Sanji admitted.

“Yeah, distracted by making out against that big ‘ole tree, there,” Luffy interjected.

Arching an eyebrow, Law enjoyed watching both men light up a brilliant shade of red. “Oh really? Well then, should we stick together or split up so you two can get back to your debauchery?”

“Split up,” Zoro responded confidently, even as his partner firmly asserted that they should stay together.

“Shishishi, you guys are funny. I think we should split up and then Torao and I can do some bauchery too.”

It took a great deal of willpower for Law not to facepalm at that. “Luffy, there’s no such thing as bau-”

“No point, man,” Zoro interrupted, pointing to where Luffy and Sanji were inspecting an apple tree together. “He’s not even listening anymore.”

Law shook his head as he watched Luffy animatedly tell Sanji about something. “How do you do it?” he asked.

“Do what?” Zoro questioned. “Deal with Luffy?” Law nodded. “Dude, I don’t know why you’re asking me that. You handle him better than anyone I’ve ever seen. Even Shanks can’t get him to focus as much as you can. Which reminds me.” Zoro suddenly turned to face the doctor with a very serious look on his face. “What’s this shit about you telling him you’re not his boyfriend?”

“I … what do you mean? It’s not shit, it’s true. I’m not his boyfriend.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not! Jesus, why do I have to keep repeating this?”

Zoro glared at him like he was the dumbest creature on the planet. “Because it’s bullshit. I see the way you look at him. You’re doing it right now! No one looks at someone like that if they don’t at least have some feelings for them. And let’s face it, Trafalgar. You’re not the kind of guy to waste a bunch of time with someone you aren’t interested in, but you spend a ton of time with Luffy. Plus, Sanji always talks about how you’re not much of a texter, but Luffy is constantly grinning like an idiot at his phone, and he only does that when it’s you he’s talking to. Oh, and you eat his shitty food when he visits you at work and I know how gross his cooking is.”

“He brings take-out sometimes,” Law argued lamely.

“And that’s something right there. He drives from the restaurant to your hospital with delicious, tempting take-out and he doesn’t eat it.”

Law did have to admit, he’d been impressed when Luffy started doing that. He knew how much the man liked to eat.

“Yeah, but … you can’t be in a relationship just because someone decides that you are. Without consulting you, by the way.”

Zoro rolled his eyes. “Sure you can. See, you can hem and haw all you want about the details of it, but Luffy is just gonna call it as he sees it. He and I have that in common. So when you’re doing all the things that boyfriends do, Luffy’s gonna call you his boyfriend, and so will anyone else that ever watches you two together. You might as well stop trying to deny what literally everyone can plainly see.”

Watching Luffy climb the tree, with Sanji yelling at him to get down, Law heaved a sigh. Goddamnit. Goddamnit all to hell, because seeing a grown man act that way should annoy the hell out of him, but as he watched Luffy do it he was unconsciously smiling. He found it fucking endearing. Ever since they met, Luffy had been blasting through each and every one of the walls Law had so carefully built around himself, and now, seeing the other so happy and carefree … he wanted to be his boyfriend. He didn’t exactly know how, but he knew he had fallen for Luffy a long time ago, and that somehow that exuberant man, who on the surface appeared to be Law’s opposite in every way, made him happy. So maybe Zoro was right. Maybe it was time to stop denying it and for once just … let himself be happy.

“You do realize you’re staring at him like a lovesick moron?” Zoro inquired dryly. “But hey, you’re probably right. That’s not your boyfriend. I’m sure you look at all your friends like that.” The man paused for a moment before adding, “Just don’t … you better not look at the cook like that.”

Defenseless against the first part of Zoro’s statement, Law chose to focus on the end of it and rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, Marimo. He’s all yours.”

“Hey assholes! Neither of you could have helped me get the monkey out of that tree?” Sanji huffed as he stomped up to them, dragging Luffy along behind him.

“Aw, Sanji’s no fun. If they didn’t want people to climb the trees they shoulda put up a sign,” Luffy protested.

Law glanced at the sign posted a few feet away that politely asked patrons not to climb the trees, but said nothing.

“Can we get some damn cider now? I’m thirsty,” Sanji griped.

“Sure thing,” Zoro agreed, wrapping an arm around Sanji’s shoulders and steering him in the wrong direction to get to the cider barn.

“Uh, Zoro, the press is the other way,” Law pointed out.

The green-haired man smirked over his shoulder. “Yeah, but the orchard is this way.”

Luffy pressed against Law’s side and stood on his tiptoes to whisper, “They’re gonna go make out some more.”

“Oh.” Well okay then. So much for sticking together. But then again, since he was admitting Luffy and he were dating now, and they were all alone … “Hey Luffy?”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna go to the orchard?”

Luffy grinned. “Yeah! But a different part from where Zoro and Sanji are, because that’s weird even if this is a double date, you know?”

Law couldn’t help returning Luffy’s bright smile. “Definitely.”

“Cool! Let’s go make out!” Luffy cried, pulling Law insistently toward the line of trees in the distance.

Shaking his head and chuckling once again at something he should have found tasteless and annoying, Law allowed himself to be towed along. He had to admit, it felt kinda good to not deny what was going on with them. It felt right. He could definitely get used to this feeling.

“Oooh, look Torao! Let’s ride the train!”

“What? No! That’s for kids! Damnit, Luffy, I said stop! I am not getting on that thing!”

… It was a pretty fun train ride.

[botslayer]

Random character analysis: The Hobo with a Shotgun

This post exists because I love this movie and it’s protagonist is worth a deep dive. 

For those unfamiliar, Hobo with a Shotgun is a grindhouse/exploitation-style action/lite horror movie about... A Hobo with a Shotgun. He rides into “Hope Town” and starts doing what you expect. Begging, looking for money and digging through trash. But the longer he stays in the city, the more he sees rotten and awful things happening. Corrupt cops, buckets of blood, as he explains to the police chief in once scene “... people don’t go bad like they do here.” eventually he hits a breaking point, buys a shotgun with money he saved up from degrading himself, and starts cleaning the streets. Now, if you haven’t seen the movie, I’d recommend watching it, as not only am I about to spoil it up and down, but it’s VERY much worth a watch. It’s a film that isn’t afraid to go to some scary places, but between all that everyone turns in one hell of a performance, and the movie has a surprisingly great emotional core. Ideas like family and in a strange sense, nobility are represented here in ways you’d probably not expect. It’s a damn fine movie if you have the stomach for it.  With all that out of the way, let’s talk about Rutger Hauer’s character, the Hobo, who goes otherwise unnamed in the movie. I also wanna talk about some of the symbolism used throughout the movie.

I wanna start with a running plot thread that lets us look into the Hobo’s psychology: we have the scene with Abby where the Hobo says she should be a teacher. She’s a sweet, caring, and somewhat intelligent young woman. And The Hobo clings to this idea as the movie goes on. Later scenes have him telling a guy who refers to her as “just a fuck tube.” That she IS a teacher. And then later, when she’s in the hospital, he gives her some fresh picked dandelions in a cup. He says they’d look good in her classroom window. 

But When she reminds him she isn’t a teacher, the Hobo says “Everyone ‘otta have a dream.” Why though is he so insistent she become a teacher?  Why though does he say she IS a teacher? She taught him something. See, it’s my firm belief that Abby, in showing him hospitality and telling him a little bit more about how the city works, she taught him there was some good in the city. That somewhere in the rotten husk of Hope Town... There was something worth protecting, someone worth helping. Hell, go a little further, she may have taught him what it’s like having a warm bed for the evening. He doesn’t remember the last time he had one. Going back to the first scene where he mentions she should be a teacher and she gives him a bed: She gives the Hobo the bear sweater, and he tells her about bears. How bears are very territorial. “They don’t care if you’re like a mile away.” But if you get to close, they will maul you. How a single bear claw can take your face off your head. And when they get a taste of human blood, they tend to become people killers and can only be stopped by killing them. “And that’s why you don’t hug a bear.”

Later, as The Hobo kills the robbers at the pawn shop, we can clearly see the blood go into his mouth. And he still has the bear sweater Abby gave him. The Hobo is just like a bear. Earlier in the movie, he doesn’t help anyone, he doesn’t do anything about the crime running rampant, save for stopping the character of Slick from Kidnapping Abby and taking him to the cops because it’s really not his business.  The Hobo is not a bad guy at the start. It’s just not his place to mess with things. But he can’t afford not to care when people like Abby are around. Or, as in the shop, when the man with the witch mask is waving a gun in the face of a baby. This continues throughout the movie as he never takes the bear sweater off. The Hobo’s last interaction with Abby has her saying she wants it all to stop, she wants to go to the zoo with him and see the bears. “... Bears don’t belong in a zoo.” He doesn’t belong in a zoo. For he too, is a bear. He doesn’t deserve this happy thing. All he, as a manic killing machine deserves, is the death of a wild animal, but he’s content taking a monster out with him. Moving on from that, Let’s talk about the film’s primary antagonist, The Drake and how he relates to a certain other symbolism. 

Interestingly, people refer to him as just “Drake,” Like his brother. Then there are people who refer to him as “The Drake,” mostly himself. Why does he do this? Because he isn’t just “Drake.” That’s just a name. “The Drake.” That’s a title... He’s not “The Drake” because that’s his name. He’s “The Drake” because he’s a fucking dragon. 

What do I mean? He has a god complex the size of the Roman empire stacked on top of the Byzantine empire. He’s so far above everyone else, he knows how to “Entertain” the masses, frighten them, make them compliant, he has wealth, women, power, a larger than life personality, often complimented by his bright white suit and how he stays perpetually clean as if he were above all the filth... And his name is a capstone to all that. He is, for all intents and purposes, not a human threat. He’s a manifestation of everything wrong with the city. He’s a CREATURE who spreads pain and suffering everywhere his foul claws get close to. No mortal man does the things Drake does. So again I say, his entire point is that he isn’t just another thug The Hobo can kill. He’s the greatest challenge our hero will face. The people scarred by the actions and words of The Drake and his sons Ivan and Slick are broken. Diseased. The Hobo calls them “Vultures, circling the city, tearing the flesh off of everything that is innocent.” These aren’t people to him anymore. It’s a great plague upon the land. A curse that cannot be cured by any other means than through a purging. The Hobo is not just our resident Rorschach-type “Good-man-broken-by-a-bad-world.” He’s basically a knight in a fantasy movie when you cut down to it. Consider again: the bear sweater. The Hobo gets it from a girl named Abby, and he gets it from her in a very intimate way, in a very bright, warm, and solemn place, her apartment. He’s also clearly at least a little religious, I site “Mother Theresa is a god-damned saint!” This is a knighting ritual in a strange way. The Hobo the next day and in the presumed week or so following that night, lives up to being the bear and being a knight, protecting the innocent, the kind, and the ground he considers worth protecting.  Look at the Plague two... You know... These guys. 

They aren’t just armored psychopaths, they’re skilled fighters with a heavy focus on melee weaponry and a dubious alliance with The Drake. In a deleted scene, Abby calls them “Demon fucks” and their established targets include Jesus, the Easter Bunny, and several old and Christian adjacent figures. The plague are not just bounty hunters, but also Black knights. Warriors who are supposed to be some flavor of virtuous corrupted until they serve a monster or monsters.  This doubles over with the alternative ending where Abby forcefully becomes a new member of the plague. Abby does good things in the movie, and would, in an ideal circumstance, become the teacher the Hobo thinks she can be. Either that or she continues the Hobo’s work, being the Evey to his V and making society at large better. But no. Rip drags her away and makes her a monster. 

Continuing the “Knight” theme built into the movie, when The Drake is referred to as a “King” around him, The Hobo simply says “Kings fall. You ‘otta read a history book, Chief.” This is true, kings do fall. And The Hobo, as if undertaking a holy quest to do it himself, starts his rampage a few scenes later.  And after giving the Dandelions to Abby, he says he has to “Go back to work.” I.E. killing bad people. Why does he refer to this as “work?” Because it's what he did with the money he was going to use to start his lawn mowing business. Now that the money he was going to put towards work went to the gun, his crusade is his job. Now let’s talk about something that might seem insignificant: The Shotgun sound. It sounds nothing like an actual shotgun. There’s that almost electrical discharge after he fires it every time... Almost like a magical spell. And that spell is one of eradicating all that is wicked. What is a gunshot to the people of Hope Town? It isn’t much. Just another punk getting robbed and murdered. What is that sound to The Hobo? Power incarnate. The sound we hear is what The Hobo hears in his heart as it were.  Last but not least: I wanna talk about little hints the Hobo kinda gives to his own history.  He says two things that point to a life of wandering. When asked if anyone welcomed him to Hope Town, he says “They never do.” And when Abby notes that he’s not “From around here.” The Hobo says “I’m not FROM anywhere.” This tells us that the Hobo has been riding rails and taking hikes for as long as he can remember. This also explains some of his basic fighting ability and why he’s such a tough old bastard. He’s been places, seen things, and gotten into some serious shit. So he’s fine being thrown into a dumpster or chewing glass.  I would also suggest that at some point, The Hobo had a brother. He relates to pain, the abstract physical feeling, as a brother of sorts. “And brothers... Fight sometimes.” This suggests to me that he’s very much familiar with having a family even if they were constantly moving. The Hobo however... is the last one. He’s all that’s left. Maybe some sort of fight with his aforementioned brother broke up what was left of the family unit and sent them on their separate ways... That is, until a bear attacks. Why does the Hobo know so much about bears? I think it’s because he’s gotten into it with them before. I think there may have been some sort of friction between The Hobo and his brother at some point that... frankly he can never take back. not any more. His brother is gone because a bear mauled him to death. The bear, having acquired a taste for human flesh, goes after The Hobo, who has no choice but to kill it. How long ago this was is anyone’s guess, it was probably back when The Hobo was younger, if I had to guess.  This is all just theories, speculation, and me probably reading too deeply into the blue drapes as it were but it’s always fun to think of this stuff. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.