#jesus this came out long
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i have come up with three possible names for the foundation and i need help choosing! (I’ll reblog this with a poll)
The SCP foundation is known as Special Containment Procedures or Secure, Contain, Protect. which is also their motto.
taking inspiration from that i came up with two names:
1. ABL Foundation, also known as Apprehending Baleful Lifeforms or Apprehend, Bottle, Learn
the pro for this option is that abl is an abbreviation for the word ablative. the word ablative has multiple definitions:
grammar
adj. designating, of, or in a case expressing removal, deprivation, direction away from, source, cause, or agency
noun. the ablative case: this case is expressed by inflection in languages such as Latin, Sanskrit, and Hungarian
astronomy
that ablates, as the protective coating material on the nose cone of a space missile
he word "ablative" derives from the Latin ablatus, the perfect, passive participle of auferre "to carry away".
2. BEL Foundation, also known as Barricade Extraterrestrial Life or Box, Examine, Limit
this word also has multiple definitions!
in physics, bel is a unit used for measuring sound intensity, equal to 10 decibels. so 1B = 10dB
the other meaning might be the coolest one yet
in Babylonian Mythology Bel is the the god of heaven and earth
Babylonia, ancient cultural region occupying southeastern Mesopotamia between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers (modern southern Iraq from around Baghdad to the Persian Gulf). the name “Babylon” is derived from the Akkadian word babilu meaning “gate of god,” it is an evident counterfeit of God's eternal city. The opposition to the rule of God by world powers or the exile of God's people from the land of blessing is conveyed properly through the metaphor of Babylon.
the words origin is the Akkadian form of Baal
Akkadian is an extinct East Semitic language that was spoken in ancient Mesopotamia from the third millennium BC. native to Assyria and Babylon.
ok so i just did some more research into this and apparently it’s way more complicated than what ive written. so im going to finish with the polls and then do some more Olympic diving into rabbit holes and update you guys because im a nerd and i want to share what i find for the maybe one person who will actually read it
3. LSB Foundation, known as Limiting Supernatural Beings or Locate, Seize, Bind.
stands for Least-significant bit. the LSB is the least weighted bit in the number, meaning, the LSB holds the least value in a multi-bit binary number
#jesus this came out long#dictionaries my beloved#you can really see the adhd taking form in this post#have i mentioned that history is one of my special interests?#A.B.L Foundation
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very much not a youtuber fanart person but the end of hermitcraft season 9 really got to me so here's ya boy grain.
#cringefail minecraft fanart I KNOW OKAY#IM SICK ALL I CAN DO IS SIT IN BED AND DRAW#grian#grian fanart#hermitcraft#secret life#life series smp#hermitcraft smp#my holiday season kinda sucks okay give me this one#its wild how long ive watched hermitcraft tho its very much my no thoughts head empty watch while eating thing#but i remember watching like. season 3 when it came out?#which i think was like a decade ago#jesus.#also like. gaming youtube is pretty nuts i have a general rule not to go near any content that like#doesnt get that their main audience is 12#like if they swear im taking it as a red flag#and so far have not been proven wrong#Bitter Content#fanart#digital art#no one look at me okay im too tired
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To celebrate 10 years in this god forsaken fandom, I redrew the og art of my fave paranormal investigators !
Singles and small rant below cut :P
Cannot believe it’s been a damn decade. This fandom and these characters have done so much to shape me and help me turn into the person- and artist!!- I am today, and I am forever grateful for the friends I’ve made along the way. (You know who you are 😉)
I cannot believe young Gooze looked at Johnny Ghost and said Yeah, that’s my entire personality now, and then it WAS. Now I’m an inducted thespian with a love for dramatizing everything, and for doing stupid voices, and a buncha other stuff. I even took his name, Johnny/Ghost. Which I suppose a lot of us have, huh?
Anyway if you’re looking down here, hi, here’s the first ever piece of fanart young Gooze did (that I can find)
(Yes, that’s Ghost and Jimmy. And yeah it’s bad, but I was a very young child. Let’s appreciate how far I’ve come, yeah?)
#taleblr#johnny ghost#johnny toast#venturiantale#jesus christ i cannot believe its been 10 years#the impact this shit has had on me… lord…#i will never forgive Them for turning out the way they did#but i can continue to love these characters and the Things they gave me#my love for theatre and drama and improv and doing voices. my love for the paranormal. my entire sense of humour.#johnny ghost literally came to my house and transed my gender and forced me to be hella annoying the rest of my life#also fun fact Johnny Toast was my first ever fictional crush ! and now i call scratch (his model) my wife. so.#thats just funny to me. JHGHGHDFS#i realized the other day it has in fact been 10 years. since 2014. i remember young me sitting in class doodling the vt logo frm memory#shit blows me away. young me had no idea what i was getting into#watching that shitty lil gmod rp channel. had no idea the person it would turn me into.#taleblr fandom i love you. i give yall big smooches. yall are amazing and i thank yall for indulging my silly art#ik. i havent been posting art long. but yknow. still.
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I feel like yesterday I had a conversation worthy of a Tumblr shitpost and I can't get it out of my mind. But I really wish I could, get it out of my mind. It was harmless, it was amongst friends, but it was so fucking cursed that even if the words used were indeed in the bible they should edit them out because they don't belong there anymore. They have been tainted forever.
#and we were both sober and not on drugs but jesus christ#what the fuck#how did I retroactively traumatised myself with something I came up with#it was pure shitpost but sometimes even that reaches a level where it's like 'you know what I should go out of the house and lay down#on the grass'#I crave grass. I need to get whatever the fuck was that out of my mind.#you know what? There is something as too much commitment to the bit.#and I usually stop this stuff before time because I can genuinely get tired of coming up with absurd shit#and this time I didn't for reasons (?) I genuinely wanted to see how far we could push it and if my friend would stop#he fucking didn't. The conversation ended on the fucking bit and we were both like 'hey what the fuck was that about'#anyway never dragging the bit for so long again.#maybe it's just because I am tired like if I had a decent ampunt of sleep yesterday today I wouldn't he even thinking about it but#I woke up with the memory of that conversation likr a bad hangover
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i talked alot about juwons guilt but i dont think i properly took the time to indulge in dongsiks guilt (mainly because. look at him. where do you even start) yuyeon going missing + her fingers appearing on their yard is such a pivotal moment for his entire character and his motivations towards the world. like yeah he's angry he's disheartened he's helpless but most of all he's guilty. in a way none of those police thought he was. he's guilty because he didnt look after her better. he's got survivor's guilt on top of that because none of his family members went through that ordeal without either dying or being bedridden, meanwhile he's still walking on two feet and he's still the one people point at and cast aside and still the one cleaning up the house and dusting the windows and visiting his mother and bringing her fruits and trying so, so hard to compensate for what he couldn't manage to do; protect his sister. he becomes caring. thoughtful. loving. he becomes the most sympathetic character among all of them. he cared about every single person in that town despite their wariness towards him. he cared about jihwa and jihoon and jeongje and literally everyone else in that circle in a way he thought he should've been when yuyeon was still around. and still that would never bring her back. which is why on top of all that care and love is the madness and the slight dip into insanity because what's the fucking point. but at the same time it's i cant handle another person ending up like yuyeon. which is why minjeong dying was so fucking heartbreaking because he tried so so goddamn hard to protect these people out of the guilt that he didnt protect his sister enough and STILL he failed at it. (in his own perspective of course) its why he takes the ENTIRE responsibility of handling the truth by himself because he thinks it's HIS fault that it's happening all over again and this endless cycle of beating himself up and trying to amend things by himself and ruining himself in the process starts begins once more until. until juwon arrives with a guilt as big as his, a guilt that mirrors his own and that endless cycle slowly starts to shatter and both of them began to unknowingly try to find redemption through each other and its why that last scene is so fucking important too because dongsik getting handcuffed is like closing the door on the abuse that the guilt has done to him and twisting the key and throwing it away and he needed juwon to do that for him, because no one would understand the guilt better than juwon. there was never gonna be another person to arrest him because even though he's resolving his own guilt he's also taking juwons guilt upon himself and telling juwon look, here, cuff it away, youre good now, you dont have to suffer anymore. even though his future seems so bleak with the arrest he still tries so hard to do what he failed to do with yuyeon. protect her. at least this time he could protect juwon before the man could live with the guilt forever. at least this time when he meets juwon again he knows he succeeded.
#its 7am i only slept for. 3 hours ?#and i havent watched beyond evil in a long time but this came up in my head out of nowhere#and im pretty sure someone's done a more articulate meta on his guilt#but i just needed to get this out of my system#JESUS CHRIST THIS SHOW#finishing this show gave me a grief that would come back out of nowhere and send me spiralling again and again#also i just realised i didnt bring up him becoming a cop thing but i guess because its so obvious why#beyond evil#beyond evil meta
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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Saw the fucking hazbin episode 4 leak. Who's fucking idea was this.
Rant below. TW for discussion of S/A and its effects.
I never really had an issue with how Angel dust was portrayed. I thought it was apparently common knowledge that sexual trauma can lead to hypersexuality, which is kind of one of his main character flaws (being overly sexual to the point of being creepy and uncomfortable, not being sexual in and of itself). Hell, Addict showed it happening straight up, both in present and in flashback, and I think it did great in showing his distress and the actions themselves.
But I really don't think we need to have such an explicit scene of a character being assaulted to get the point. I think the "FLASHback" approach used in the post credits scene for addict really portrayed the feeling without being too explicit or extreme. It shows it happening, shows the extent of the characters suffering, shows the effects, but doesn't prolong or exploit it.
I fully support making that sort of art on your own and not sharing it with anyone. It's really important to remember that certain kinds of art can easily end up in the hands of people who enjoy it for the wrong reasons. I've drawn that shit. It's fine to cope. But if someone who wants to assault people gets their hands on it, then it's an issue.
I'm just gonna leave a couple ideas down here of how I think this can be done right. Please be aware that I'm not an expert in writing and this is simply my opinion.
The FLASHback I mentioned earlier. Show it flash on screen so you can tell what's going on and portray the emotion without prolonging it. Even repeated flashes can work just to show how badly it's affecting the character. However, this can make scenes inaccessible to photosensitive viewers.
Show the beginning of the event but cut out once it gets explicit, or skip to the aftermath at that moment. This way it can be longer and show what's going on, but, again, doesn't prolong it or exploit that sort of distress.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST DONT SHOW IT EXPLICITLY IN ITS ENTIRETY! All you have to do is not have uncensored rape and abuse available to see for everyone! There's no downside! I generally don't believe in censorship, but I do for this type of shit. I don't know who thought this was a good idea, but I feel like they should probably be fired.
Anyway I literally just wrote this because I was panicking after seeing that. Somehow it worked and I'm all good now. Enjoy the results of my frantic typing.
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caught in between being desperate to have time to write fic and also doing my best to navigate adult responsibilities which this week alone look like: an assignment due, a lawyer meeting (everything is fine I just had some questions about stuff), an interview, and my bestie about to go into labor at quite literally any second and I have to be Available
#and i'm sure i'm forgetting stuff#i miss writing!!!#on the plus side a friend sent me a king cake straight from new orleans because i was homesick for louisiana and it is Very Good#hadn't had king cake since 2016 and that's way too long 🤧#the foundation of my mental health currently looks like dough with icing and colored sugar on top with a plastic baby jesus inside it#i hope i didn't accidentally eat jesus idk#also i've been trying a new antidepressant idk stuff is happening man i miss my fics 🥲#not that i think i'm an incredible writer or anything but like that was my one creative outlet and#the only one i've ever had that came organically to me#and now i don't have the time for it or when i do i don't have the energy because Chronic Fatigue and anyway i'm very sad about that#it feels like a loss of self in a way and i think i'm gonna go talk to some king cake about this#i'm not depressed though i'm just whining! i've observed that my life tends to play outs in cycles so i know it'll be fine! always is <3#hekate.txt
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i'd love to pick taylor's head about her metaphors all over ttpd but i especially would love to understand what specifically drew her to the metaphor "flesh and blood amongst war machines, you're the new god we're worshiping" in clara bow
#like#i'm still trying to wrap my head around what exactly it means#because the great context of the song feels both bitter & yet hopeful?#like bitter about what will be said about her after she's gone. bitter about the women who came before#and yet the ''war machines'' and ''aslyum'' metaphors feel so deeply tied together#''don't want money just want someone who wants my company'' is especially eye opening?#because like. so many of us agree she's never alone and most people would DIE to get to hang out with her#but it's not *felt* it's not *real*#you're the *god* we're worshipping you're not a *person*#which jesus christ i feel like each song on ttpd - like a poetry anthology - builds upon each idea#and it cannot be divorced from the context of who taylor is and her history#see: how the bolter brings up a story no one heard and talks at length about it#and how it sharply recontexualizes even blank space#like there's so much going on in ttpd that i feel crazy if i think about it for too long
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you can tell who actually came here to fish and knows the horrors of the sun and who is just here for fun silly pr and have no intentions to deep sea fish
#only 3 boys came with long sleeve light weight shirts? oh we've lost the ancient texts#yeah ekkys worn that hoodie before#thats one of his many fishing outfits#because ofc the man who bought a fucking fishing boat because he kept annoying matheson about taking him out on his boat has fishing outfits#ekky did not come here to play hes locked the fuck in#while mikksy and forsy do fish and have gone deepsea fishing before you can kinda tell its not super their thing#forsy has stated before he likes lake fishing more despite ekky taking him out for some deep sea fishing#and mikksy has bragged about catching a dorado but thats about as much fishing stories ive heard from him#aside from the sturgeon tagging trip ekky organised (and mikksy was invited!!! so he does like fishing a lot!!!!)#lundy also likes fishing and does fish in the summer#but the scandinavians give more of a “i like lake fishing more than deep sea fishing” vibe#ekky has also taken benny out fishing in his boat but it seems more of a eh its a fun activity to fuck around with if a friend invites me#but im not gonna go out of my way to do it like ekky does#anyways why am i rambling about fishing in the tags jesus#im just here for maffhews cute fun flirty shorts hes been flaunting about in the same way animals have favourite colours#which tend to be fluorescent because its very attention grabbing re: gators preferring the colour pink and gravitating towards pink flowers#if they fall in their water enclosures yeah that was a study i read the article and it was fantastic
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happy 7th birthday to your turn to die!!! the only media that i enjoyed before the pandemic that is still with me today!!
which also means.. wtf do you mean it's been almost 5 years of me playing it. as of like november. hey man. what.
#jesus CHRIST#happy birthday your turn to die#anniversary the word is#fuck#guys i have covid okay i'm stupid as shit rn#i have been thinking about replaying it#i have it on steam and i do need my little guys back#fuck i cannot believe i've been playing this game since 2019#also it came out in 2017??? that long ago???#i was 10 wtf#oh#i was 10 a long time ago#yttd#your turn to die#i want to play your time to shine actually#i love that one#i can actually save everyone#mostly#your time to shine
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I appreciate that John Wick 1 was like, oh, an action film, hmm. Okay. Then for every film after that, they were like "Well, we just need a vague plot and we'll let the actors madlib some yeahs and some huhs and we don't really need a screenwriter for that, right? So all that extra money can go to hiring a human-sized swarm of moths to be the DP?" And they did.
#the home depot lighting aisle is the john wick cinematographer's happy place istg#like i know the fighting is theoretically the point because this film was by and for stuntpeople#but if you look at the sets and the lighting 90% of the fights are clearly just an excuse for everything else happening in the shot#i'm kicking myself for not seeing No. 4 in theaters when it came out#a bunch of reviews were like 'diminishing returns' and 'interminable fight scenes' and it's almost 3 ass-numbing hours long#but jesus christ the fight in the abandoned house on the way to sacre coeur#you're only supposed to be paying attention to the fighting in the fight scenes for three minutes tops#the rest of it is for admiring the flawless shot composition you heathen fucks
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Someone went through and liked all of my Power Rangers 2017 posts
#keep in mind they're from when the movie came out. so like. 6 years ago#jesus christ it was that long ago
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when your first canonical gay awakening was f-cking stevonnie from Steven universe
#listen kid me was experiencing a whole nother world when SU came out#like thanks for helping me discover I might not be straight#cause sweet Jesus them and garnet were so fine to me#AND THEN ROSE AND BLUE CAME ALONG AND THEY MADE IT WORSE#AND NOW I KINDA LIKE JASPER BECAUSE SWEET LORD THAT BODY#like their reveal(before I knew they were not a girl) and garnet just being garnet#we’re my first major signs looking back on it but blue and rose singing that one song(we all know what I’m talking about shush)#also the fusion dance for rainbow quartz(the 1st)#made me feel some type of way too#like I was in denial for so long because#”well that doesn’t really count”or#”well what if your just making it up cause it’s popular”(thanks internet)#it was really hard to come to terms that I might like girls in the way that I might like boys(tho I dont really have much interest in them)#my stuffy stuff#lgbt#my denial knows no bounds#Steven universe#I guess
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Fundamentalist christians don't care if something is a lie as long as it isn't "unbiblical".
#i stopped frequentimg the church my family goes to because the pastors have been pretty relentlessly anti-science#and not in the antivax way. we've circled back to “psychology is demonic and depression is a sin” preachings.#so my aunt came talk to me out of concern because my mom is convinced i'm evil or whatever#she asked me why I wasn't coming to church so I told her “bc the pastor's always spewing some nonsense completely divorced from reality”#and she asked “but is it 'divorced from reality' or is 'unbiblical'?”#and I (frustrated and too socially exhausted to mask) asked her to point to me where in the bible it says depression is a sin#and she was all “oh we know it isn't but that's silly. are you really walking away from jesus because of that?”#to me. who had to go stay with my other aunt who lives back in my hometown#because every day I was contemplating diving headfirst from upstairs into the concrete floor#and only didn't because I thought I might survive#anyway if you're in a fundie church leave. run and never come back. they're a death cult#sprry for typos and the weird ramble I'm just going insane right now#long story short i'm looking for another congregation#christianity
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genuine question: what is wrong with the peyton beachdeath lma trans thread? I know…too much about peyton himself so we don’t need to revisit that, but i’d love to see you rip into some shoddy scholarship and ways to (mis)understand historical queerness
oh god...
i mean aside from people taking the word of a notorious clout-chasing liar and conspiracy theorist at face value...peyton just doesn't understand or even really care about history when it does not directly benefit him. full disclosure i have not read the thread since it was first posted but it is burned into my memory unfortunately, i also don't know a lot about lma as a historical figure
aside from cherry picking quotes from lma's diaries there were no actual sources. nothing from her biographers, no secondary scholarship at all. it was just peyton presenting quotes purposefully stripped of their context in order to further a point that he wanted to be right.
this should be like. queer history for pre-schoolers but people in the past who were or may have been queer understood themselves and their queerness differently than people do today. peyton is incapable of looking at queerness outside of his very specific 21st century lens. could louisa may alcott have been a trans man? possibly! could she have also been cis and/or gnc? sure! could she have simply been writing in both her private and personal lives about how suffocating the experience of being a woman in the 19th century was? yeah. we have no way of knowing which of this could be true, and whether they overlapped at all. queer history exists in shades of possibility. in some cases (and we're going to use trans men contemporary to lma), like those of albert cashier and charley pankhurst, we can pretty definitely say that they were both men; that being a man was essential to their continued survival, that they would have wanted to be remembered as men. in other cases, it's more slippery because the taxonomy we use nowadays to classify ourselves and especially our differentiation of gender identity vs sexual acts is SO recent that it does a disservice to classify all historical queerness with it.
it's insane that there are MULTIPLE notable 19th century trans men in american history at the time lma was living and he still was like no this is not good enough for me i can only emotionally relate to something if i can force my own image onto it. that's really the problem here, not the shoddy history and the deliberately misleading language, but the fact that peyton is seemingly incapable of enjoying or relating to a piece of media or a person if he cannot find a direct comparison to his own life. he did the same oh "(x) was 100% absolutely a trans man if you tell me wrong you're transphobic" thing with katharine hepburn (iirc??) a few years back and this is a personal gripe but having read a 600+ page bio of hepburn that was very generous to several queer readings of her life: lol. lmao even. his insistence of flatting the experience of anyone with a moderately fucky gender into "you're either Like Me or your not" is so purposefully stupid.
like, do all the trans readings of little women you want! i myself made a deranged little women trans post a few weeks ago. but lma isn't a fictional character who you can apply different literary lenses to! she was a real human person whose relationship with her gender we will never fully understand because we were not there. at some point you just have to accept that it is not your business. why are you so desperate for any shred of historical representation that you are willing to exhume the dead in order to out them?
peyton relates to jo march, so he insists that reading jo as a trans man is the only (morally) correct reading. he likes little women but has to make it fit the public view of transness that he is made his personal brand. i actually followed him for longer than i'd care to admit, and it's a trend with any piece of media that he is publicly into that he has to make a character a trans man in order to relate to them.
he also has this deranged idea that any author writing with emotional depth about the """opposite sex""" must have been trans. see the article he wrote for the niche about how must have been a trans man because he gave dido's emotions and the collapse of her marriage to aeneas the same "dignified treatment as any sprawling, epic battlefield scenes." [direct quote] the article is literally called " vergil had a pussy and i'll prove it." no further comment.
one of his "proofs" is that lma was called "lou" by her family, which he then proceeds to call her for the rest of the thread. lou is....a very normal nickname for louisa both now and then. you know what else was a 19th century nickname for louisa? wheezy. imagine that same thread but he calls her wheezy alcott. thank you, good day.
#anonymous#answered#THIS IS SO LONG I'M SORRY#this ask came in immediately after my alarm went off so i had a Long Think in the shower#did you guys know that peyton actually swindled a nyt article out of that twitter thread?#and that as a result he is fucking cited on louisa may alcott's wikipedia page? meesa hate it here#i am not even a big lw fan!! i think it's an interesting piece of media to look at the way it's adapted but that's it!!!#i thought the book was resoundly Fine! i think the way people respond to and reinterpret it is interesting! but i won't die on this hill#i just think that it's none of my or yours or peyton beachdeath's business whether or not louisa may alcott was cis. jesus christ#long post
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