#its 7am i only slept for. 3 hours ?

[lunarcowgirl]

lean with me | two

yeah yeah i wrote another part for my fuckass jack abbot x f!doctor!reader fic <3

read part one here and part three here

not my gif! but i do feel crazy about it!!!!!

~

jack abbot made a damn fool of himself in front of the one person he desperately wants to rely on him, now he's got to hope you'll let him fix it.

~

from the office of the author: damn! ya’ll got me feeling some kind of way in the comments and reblogs, I didn’t look at tumblr all day after part one scared it would have no notes 🥹 thank you so so much for your kind words!!!!! ideas for these two are currently eating out my brain like a terrible infectious disease, so expect more soon xoxoxoxo

also, if by chance you have requests/ideas/thoughts drop me an ask, you’d warm the freezing cockles of my heart <3

warnings: age gap of 10+ years, old man is a goose, the weather is shit in pittsburgh but i am from the southern hemisphere so i don’t understand how real winter works pls forgive me, #rollins apologist behaviour from the author, characters stand close to the edge of buildings but they don’t have any plans for leaving said building, bad grammar, bit o’ angst, bit of fluff (as a treat)

word count: 1.6k

Dr Abbot thought he was doing a rather terrible job at feeling anything other than pathetic thank you very much. The final 30 minutes of the shift dragged into eternity, and you were never close enough. You quietly extracted yourself from every scenario in which Jack might touch you or say your name. Hands quick, words gentle, you continued to heal your patients, but the wound between you and Jack remained gaping.

As 7am dawned, black and cold, Jack found himself to be in an entirely black and cold mood. And Robby’s aggravating cheerfulness upon arrival certainly did little to help.

“Brother,” The new father chirped across the desk, “How’d it go last night?”

“Sparkly.” Jack deadpanned, nearly tearing through the paper under his hands with the scratch of his pen. The computer you’d spent so much time hunched over this shift was now dark and quiet.

Usually you would wait to say goodbye before leaving, punching him lightly on the arm, cracking something wise-ass about putting his compression sock on right when he got home, letting his body rest.

“Don’t want the old legs given out on us now do we?”

You’d smile a smile that would tear right through him, making him feel young, like he could run on those old, broken and missing legs forever and ever. Every time it was a battle to not chase after you, to catch you at your car, to ask if you’d smile at him somewhere other than a place that always stunk of pain. That smile was no where to be seen. He tried his best to ignore the sensation of panic sitting near his heart.

“That bad huh?” Robby frowned, looking across one of the calmest Pitts they’d had in months.

“How is it at Casa Robinavitch?” Jack asked, putting down his instrument of destruction to look up at his friend. Robby looked 20 years younger, almost *glowing—*the freak.

“Baby slept 12 hours,” He declared throwing his hands up in delight. “Heather is perfect, and she is all mine tonight,” He added, only marginally quieter, eyebrows dancing.

In the wake of PittFest and all its rotting, rubbing, terror and ugliness, Robby and Heather deserved some goodness. But so much of it, right in front of Jack, was not kind on the stomach in this particular moment.

“Godspeed brother.” Jack laughed, rising from the desk and grabbing his friend’s shoulder for a quick squeeze. “Don’t fuck it up please?”

Robby nodded, smile unmoved, “I won’t. Now can you get your ugly mug out of my face please, I have work to do.”

“Yeah, yeah, have a good shift.”

Standing in front of his locker, the prospect of returning to a freezing, empty house for the next few days held no sense pleasure for Jack. What were the chances that if he wished hard enough, when the door clicked open you would be sitting on his couch in that ratty Penguins jersey you so adored, arms open and waiting for him? Slim, he decided. The usual low growl of the shift’s repressed hardship echoed through his head, waiting to eat away at him in the silence outside the ER. A quick trip to the roof, a few minutes in the freezing cold, would steady him enough to face it…and the absence of you.

The echo of your words seemed to bounce off the concrete walls of the stairs as he ascended.

What right do you have? Like it’s me that’s hurting you*?!*

He sped up; as if he’d ever been able to escape your voice. How was he going to explain his regret, his apology to you? Every last combination of words he tried felt shallow and inadequate. You deserved so much more than cello-taped sentences of shame.

Exploding out into sub-zero was euphoric. For just a moment, the world was in sharp focus, the blur of the past several hours evaporating into nothing but white. Pittsburgh peered down at him, the concrete offering its own disapproving look, the glass its own sting, the barren trees their own answer. Someone else was peering back at it, standing on the other side of the rail, leaning against the freezing metal.

That puffer.

You’d bought it on the very first day of Summer, parading it around the sweltering heat of a Pitt with aircon on the fritz.

“It cost me barely anything,” You told anyone who would listen, “Guess how much!”

You’d twisted back and forth, ensuring everyone got a good angle of the quality, nearly taking out Whittaker in your enthusiasm. Eventually you’d spun around to face Jack.

“Go on Cap, guess!”

He’d said something, a number plucked from obscurity. He couldn’t remember it now, or wether he’d been right. All he was thinking, now and then, was that it exactly matched the colour of your eyes.

He didn’t approach quietly, not wanting to startle you. Each crunch of snow felt like a choice being made, a door fast approaching, a step towards an abyss. You spoke without turning.

“I thought you’d come up here.”

Your words settled; a stone in a pool, ripples dancing out, brushing gently against his heart.

“I can leave if you want.” Jack said, hoping against all hope you would shake off the offer.

Your eyes turned to him, even brighter against the snow. You sighed, dusting off a patch of metal beside you and patting it firmly, “Lean with me.”

Jack only just managed to steady himself in his haste to join you, head nearly colliding with the steel as he ducked between the rails. For a moment you and him leant in breathless, anticipatory silence, looking out at the city that you had sweated and fought and cried for all night long.

It was you that first spoke into the void, “I’ve applied for the new Emergency Pedes Fellowship at PTMC, or have you forgotten that residents do have to find another job after the program ends?”

Jack’s eyes snapped to your face. He remembered Robby mentioning the opening position weeks and weeks ago, just in passing. But all the times you had mentioned your interest in Emergency Pedes medicine, every case you had jumped on to heal a little body, to calm a little mind, to soothe a little heart…he should have put the pieces together.

Without thinking he blurted, “You’ve been the only one ever any good with parents,” The internal wince at his messy attempt at soothing was immediate. Good with parents—what?

Your voice was small now, a tear soaked laugh just perceptible in it, “I didn’t want to tell you until I’d heard either way. I didn’t—” You did laugh now, “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Jack turned out to the city, the biting January air far, far easier to face. What an utter fool he was.

“I’m sorry.” He said, shaking his head. You didn’t say a word, just let the wind blow right through the both of you.

Jack returned his gaze to you, letting his eyes have their fill. Taking in each and every line and crease and feature. His favourite face in the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” Your name so soft and reverent on his lips, “It was incredibly…asshole of me.”

Your face scrunched at the words, rallying against a growing desire to laugh, “It was asshole indeed.”

The smallest of smiles. Your proximity. Your endless well of warmth and hope and joy. It made him want to be brave.

“I don’t quite understand it yet, but I feel very strongly about you. You are the first and last person I think about everyday. Yours is the face I picture when its all too much. Your voice is what I hear when I’m afraid. Your laugh is what stills me, calms me.”

Your mouth parted, just a bit, eyes becoming endless, swallowing him whole.

“When I thought that you might leave, perhaps that you would go overseas again, I was struck with fear I haven’t felt in a long, long time.” He took a long, stuttering breath.

“I don’t ever want to lose you.”

You surrendered, moving towards him, hand outstretched.

“It’s not an excuse,” he said, the words coming like a released river now, an outpouring of everything gathering dust within him, “I was selfish and I shouldn’t have done that, it’s not fair—”

Your arms enveloped him, face burying deep into his neck, hands curling into his hair. Everything you had wanted to do from the very first moment your eyes found his. He melted into your embrace, strong arms banding around your body, face pressing into the softest skin between your collarbone and shoulder. You cried into his scrubs, your relief and disbelief and joy bleeding out onto him—this man who had just given you a gift you had never even hoped could be yours.

Jack mumbled into your skin, “Baby, my baby.”

You pulled back, just enough to send your lips flying across his skin, every last bit you could reach. He accepted them gladly, so malleable and giving in your hands. Finally, finally, you found his mouth, crashing home with delight. For one precious eternity you simply remained pressed together, as if somehow endosymbiosis will begin. When you released each other, there was shared breath to relish in, and the feeling of foreheads connected, hands twined together. Could it have possibly been winter? Spring had come to a hospital rooftop in Pittsburgh. Something entirely new had bloomed. Jack gently released you to capture your face in his hands, with one thumb he carefully smoothed the skin between your brows, banishing for now any hint of a crease. There was no confusion, no frustration, no fear here.

“Are you working tonight?” You asked, words too full of smile to really parse.

“No, I’m off for the weekend,” His lips were in your hair.

You kissed him again, more desperate this time, seeking something more. His hands drifted south, smoothing over your shoulders, finding your hips, the tips of his fingers just grazing your ass.

Heart beating wildly, hot skin on hot skin, you took a dive, “Have breakfast with me.”

~~~~~~~~

There is fluff and hope for them in the sunrise people! Thank you for reading, these two will be back very very soon xo

previous | next

[guitarstringed-scars]

the ravens eye diner- hajime iwazumi

masterlist

just a black coffee

hajime iwazumi is a man of routines.

almost every day he wakes up at the same time, 6:30.

he gets dressed, puts on his socks and running shoes and goes for a run.

he runs the same 4 mile loop every morning, and pets the same dog around the 2 mile mark. after that, he attends his classes, does his homework, and goes to volleyball practice.

hajime never strays from this weekday routine. sure, on the weekends he’ll mix it up a bit. hanging out with friends and enjoying himself. and maybe, he’ll wake up at 7:30 instead of 6:30. maybe.

hajime iwazumi hates breaking his routines. and he doesn’t, until one fateful morning. he wakes up at 6:46. he slept through his alarm. its fine, he thinks, i just need to run quicker today. so, he gets dressed, and goes for a run. he’s about 3 miles in when he runs into closed roads on his regular route.

this is just not my day, he thinks, sighing.

so, he takes a turn. as he hits his 4 miles, he realizes he has no idea where he is. hajime never goes this way on a run, or even ever. he looks around a bit, and spots a diner. the sign over top reads ‘the ravens eye’. he spots the hours on a sign outside. 7am-1am daily. he checks his watch, its 7:10.

it wouldn’t hurt to get a coffee before i try and find my way home, he thinks.

so, he swings open the door, a bell rings signaling his entrance.

the diner is quiet at this hour, booths are filled with who he assumes to be regulars. he hears the soft music over the loudspeaker and the whir of the coffee machine from the back. as he ducks into the entrance, he’s greeted by a girl with blonde hair. he reads her name tag, hitoka. he can tell she’s not fully awake yet as she asks him how many people in his group.

“uh, just me.” he says.

she picks up a menu and a roll of silverware.

“okay! i’ll have you follow me!” she squeaks out.

she leads him through the cozy diner to a table in the corner.

“your server will be right with you!” hitoka says before rushing back to the host stand.

as he waits, hajime admires the little restaurant. the floors are blue and white tile. music posters hang on the walls, and he feels a sense of nostalgia. he isn’t waiting long before his server shows up.

you have no real routine. you wake up when you wake up, unless you are on the schedule, such as today. in that case, you groan as you get up 30 minutes before your shift, scrounge up your uniform and apron, and trudge out of the door.

on those groggy early mornings, it takes you a bit to fully wake up. you may make a few mistakes with the orders or overfill the coffee machine, but 20 minutes into your shift, you are at peak waitress performance. unfortunately, your first table today only shows up 10 minutes into your shift.

hajime is greeted cheerfully, but groggily, by you.

“g’mornin,” you say, a little quietly. “names y/n, how are you today?” you smile sleepily at him.

he is wide awake.

“good morning, i’m good.”

“what can i get started for ya to drink?” you ask, pulling your notepad out of your apron.

he looks down at the menu for a second, even though he knows exactly what he wants.

“um, just a black coffee please.” it’s what he gets every time he gets coffee at a restaraunt.

“good choice,” you chime as you write it down. “just brewed a fresh pot.”

“sounds perfect.” he smiles as you walk away.

maybe i should start coming here more often.

he solidifies this thought when you come back with his coffee. you carefully set down the steaming mug on his table.

"i'll be around for a refill in a bit." you say.

hajime decides he'll stick around for another refill, or maybe two.

and he does.

and the next morning, he comes back. he is seated in the same seat again, and you greet him again. hes back earlier this morning, coming in just a few minutes after opening.

"look whos back!" you greet him. he laughs. "another black coffee today?"

"yes please!"

as you turn the corner into the kitchen, you come face to face with a grinning alisa.

"what." you say, pouring the coffee into a mug. you pick out a nice navy blue one for the man.

"seems like you've got a new regular, and he's cute!" she sounds overly excited over this.

you simply roll your eyes and take the coffee out to his table.

"a black coffee for..."

"hajime." he cuts in.

"hajime." you nod, taking a mental note. you'll be sure to remember that name.

he comes back the next day too. and the day after that. except on the fourth day, he wasn't greeted by you, instead a blonde girl. "hi! y/n isn't working this morning, so i'll be taking care of you today." she greets.

"oh. uhm, i'll just take a black coffee." hajime only drinks half of his coffee that day.

on his walk home, he thinks on the interaction. maybe it's a bit embarrassing that your coworkers know he's only coming to see you. do you think he's some kind of creep? he sure hopes not. maybe it'll be a good idea to take a break from the ravens eye. even though hajime hates to break routines. especially new ones.

𖦹₊⊹fun facts⊹₊𖦹

-iwazumi actually thinks the coffee is kind of gross

-but he feels like he kind of made it his thing

-maybe one of these days he'll try some food

-if he ever comes back :)

-the ravens eye has a very eclectic collection of mugs and they like giving ones out that fit the customers vibe.

a/n: FIRST INSTALLMENT WOOHOO!!! so happy with the planning for this story and i LOVE writing for iwa.

taglist: (open! send an ask to be added!) @wyrcan @nbcvs

[ramblingautisticman]

Me : Right, I'm gonna try and get some more sleep

My brother : Cool! And I'll sit in the living room (where I sleep at my dad's) and continously talk to you until you ask me to pick something to watch so I get mad and leave, then proceed to loudly play guitar for 3 hours!

Me : ....sure...

(This happened at 7am. Its 10am. I've slept for a solid 5 hours between 9pm last night and now cause of the storm, and the only thing keeping me going is watching Deadpool and Wolverine and reading fanfiction of them.)

[godza]

why did nyquil do the exact opposite ive slept like 3 hours. i wasnt even in that much pain i was just half conscious the whole night. im gonna sleep more since its only 7am and i slept in till 4pm yesterday. im so incredibly sleepy but just cant sleep. yeowch. i love complaining

[edgeray]

Hello Ray! 🍅 anon here (again!)

I've been swamped irl these past few days (hence the relative radio silence) but. oh my goodness. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we have been eating GOOD. Going to ruin my digital footprint and quote zy0x on this: "I'm (s)creaming!" (both ways intended)

I absolutely love your dragon AU!Arle being a humongous dragon and nobody knows how old she is, thinking that she's some ancient beast when in reality she's still young, then "kidnapping" reader back to her nest where they spend some family time together... The trio coming to reader for food mainly because Arle Cannot Cook is hilarious, no wonder they went ham on the fish!

Arle only able to "cook" will forever be a running joke, istg. She and Tighnari would probably get along cuisine preferences wise, with their dislike of strong seasonings. Imagine Arle and Sumeru food?? Heavily seasoned to an inch of its life??? She's going to cry internally.

Let's avoid talking about the Angst TM of your madoka AU (Absolutely well written, love the style, love the effort, but screw it it's angst I left sobbing)

Comfort fics??? like one of your recent ones where reader just??? up and feeds Arle and then falls asleep in her arms??? are really to die for!!! ARLE IS SO SOFT OMGOMGOMG- Plus the teasing and banter that you throw in here and there? Absolute GOLD.

But I do agree about Arle on her period would show absolutely zero signs given what we know about her nature. Making Arle feel safe enough to fall asleep in reader's embrace is. SO ADORABLE HUHUFIWHUFWFIOJF;OI;JFJFIOW ARLEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 It is prime time to spoil her.

"The beach episode that no one asked for" I think I can speak for everybody that it just hasn't been asked for YET because Nobody has cooked it YET. THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD-

Poor reader having to choose to look at either the children having fun and enjoying themselves and Arle's handsome body? Reader you have two eyes and so many Kameras!!!!! Give the children the true family outing experience by shoving the Kamera in their face as they laugh! Unleash the inner pervert by taking all sorts of photos with your husband's bare ABS EXPOSED!!!

"It's my sixth? seventh? Who knows, I lost count" reread of practically your entire fic offerings and I would like to express my continued gratitude. If you need more requests I'll be happy to send some! (I'm not sending requests currently because you might have some on your list and I am not adding on to it)

[I still have. not. done Arle's story quest. I'm not ready for the heartbreak even though it means now I've been farming using the handbook instead of being able to go to the arena. I don't need 100 primogems. I need Clervie and Arle to still be together /copium]

Hi 🍅 anon! Getting your asks always makes me giddy haha. No worries on the radio silence.

First of all, I'd like to say I made the smart descision of staying up until 7AM and then deciding maybe staying up longer isn't a good idea, so I went ahead and slept until I woke up again. My response will be fueled by 3.5 hours of sleep so apologies if it's not coherent.

I'd like to say that you will be seeing more of Dragon AU considering that my 3 out of 8 requests sitting in my inbox are asking for a continuation 😅🤣 which frankly I'm surprised about because there wasn't much Arle in it and it wasn't that good quality of my writing but I guess the inclusion of the trio was nice and the random worldbuilding I threw in there. I don't know why I was so detailed about the fantasy elements.

I like. Highkey forgot that Arlecchino didn't like heavily seasoned food so I had it so that she liked Sumeru food because of the spiciness 😅. Fr I'm a fake fan. I think that's what I put in "Rest Your Worries, Lax Your Heart" (do not ask me how I come up with titles for my requests. You can tell how tired I am after making requests based on how lazy the titles are lmfao).

I also like lowkey forgot about the existence of Kameras. Taking pictures during vacation is not natural to me and kind of forgot that I can actually do that. 🤣 hence why i forgot about including it in "Rest Your Worries, Lax Your Heart." (can you tell this was the part that was very self-indulgent? I wanna touch her abs 😩)

Do the story request, get your heart ripped out like the rest of us. Don't be a coward /j. If you need Clervie and Arlecchino together, don't worry. I do have a domestic Arlevie sitting in my inbox...

Anyways, this makes me super giddy, and was a nice start to my morning. I'm glad that my efforts are worth it and that people like you get to enjoy my work. 🫶 I still have much more to write over the summer. I've looked back on my Google Doc where I compile all the requests and looks like I've written over 20k~ words since starting writing at June 1, and it's been 13 days since (with a 3 day break because of vacation which means on average I write around 2k~ words per day that I'm actively writing). And somehow in that time, I've done 12 requests 😲.

At this rate, by the end of the summer, I will have written enough to have a whole ass novel worth. 🤣 I've never had the commitment for long books so that's why I stick to oneshots. I definetely would write a 100k+ Arlecchino x Reader if I could but sadly I cannot. That bitch would be discontinued by like 25k because I get bored of the plot or something, idk.

Enough rambling ehehe, I really appreciate this ask 🍅 anon. 🫶 do expect me to write daily for a while. much more content to make you (s)cream hehe :D

[chokkito]

I think i have gone insane the only thing i have eaten all day is one bread with salami, i slept exactly 3 hours before having to wake up at 7am and i am now drinking a whole monster just to see if i survive until midnight

Its 4pm.

[into-the-center-of-things]

day 3: last day on the train and arriving at chicago il

July 18, 2024

"to parse down a life

means to sow a dozen seeds

off the modern path"

I slept through most of Kansas, I don't remember how much sleep I got (maybe 2 hours, I couldn't get comfortable) but I do remember seeing the everpresent sprawl of moonlit cornstalks out the window.

I woke up to the sun rising and, seeing it was 5am, I started to go back to sleep, but Z came to my seat and woke me back up because the Kansas City stop was 10 minutes away (because apparently my clock wasn't synced up to the time zone—it was actually 6am, not 7am, we jumped ahead an hour, meaning I probably didn't get as much sleep as I should have...).

I exchanged contact information with A, then got off the train to stretch my legs. At Kansas City Union Station the stop was only 15 minutes, so my goodbyes to Z and A were brief but I wish them well and hope to hear from them again soon.

As we departed from Kansas City to dive deeper into the Midwest I got another seatmate—an older woman and her two granddaughters, also on their way to Chicago to be picked up by the daugher. The kids complimented my stuffed animal and were very fidgety, they couldn't have been older than like 8 or 9. The grandmother gave me some grapes which I appreciated since I was dehydrated.

The scenery of Missouri and Iowa was mostly farmland, which besides the occasional creature (I swear I saw a crow or hawk with a snake in its mouth). It wasn't very interesting to look at but we passed over a lot of rivers, including the Missouri River, the Des Moines River, and most importantly the Mississippi River which we shot over once we passed Fort Madison Iowa and entered Illinois. There was a lot of different bodies of water flecked with what I believe was playful summer fistfuls of green algae—ponds, rivers, streams, lakes, swamps...

I spent the last 3 or 4 hours of my trip either listening to music or eavesdropping on the grandma and grandkids beside me. At some point the grandma was asleep with her eyes closed and one of the kids leaned over and said "grandma can I have my jelly?" to which Grandma replied, without opening her eyes, "No, because its not 11 o clock yet" and the kid (in awe) exclaims "how did you know that" (it was, in fact, not 11am).

Another thing to make note of was me taking advantage of the remaining time, I changed into clean clothes, then repacked my blanket and the food that didn't go rancid into my suitcase (I had to throw out the yam I was saving for myself because it smelled like mold...). I was obstructing the hallway for the brief 5 minutes I was repacking and I apologized to the conductor because he had to squeeze by me at the lower storage hall where the luggage was, but he just shook is head calmly and said "Oh, its okay, I am a trained professional, mind you" and very daintily weaved by me (mind you, this is a very grizzled old man with a beard, he's probably at least 70 years old).

I never went to the observation car because every time I went in to refill my water it smelled bad. I was getting increasingly inpatient about arriving because my body hurt and I wanted to shower and lie down. @germfreeadulthood and I were texting about the Amish and keeping track of our respective ETAs.

We breezed through the scruffy suburbs leading into Chicago and I made a minor observation that the newer suburbs reminded me more of the Southern California suburbs in terms of less architectural details and overall more dull and boring. I also noticed the closer we got to Chicago the gas prices jumped.

I chatted a bit with the grandma next to me about travel (she was traveimg to Santa Cruz from San Jose with Amtrak buses)—her granddaughters pestered me about my destination, where I was from, asked if you could use the train to travel across "the whole world like...Miami?" (the grandmother replied yes, you can use Amtrak to get to Miami to which they squealed "as in, Miami Florida????") and if it was possible to stay on the train even when the conductors tell you to get off ("Then you get arrested"). I bid them farewell and exited—got kind of lost looking for @germfreeadulthood at Union Station but I found them and they offered me kimchi onigiri that they made, which I nibbled on later. We waited at the street corner for our uber back.

@germfreeadulthood set up an air mattress for me ahead of time which was very nice. I showered (finally), and @germfreeadulthood made us curry while we chatted about a lot of different things: menial gossip, academia, potential disciplines for their PhD interests (once again i am reminded of my limited grasp of theory, but at least a lot of the Big Names...), the possibility of revising the oppressive religious structuralism of the amish into a marxist-leninist commune (I promise this was way more interesting than it sounds—between my random Googling on the train and seeing the Amish in real time made me wonder if it was possible to create a sort of sanctuary that carries some of the values of hard work and anti-materialism without the religion fundamentalism nor the shoddy inconsistent rules and misogyny, the practice of shunning/isolating members...there has to be a way to rectify the current Amish education model to be more useful if its focus is to integrate the youth into the Amish simple life instead of cutting them off at age 9 or whatever...)

I don't know if I am making sense. I am just exhausted but also very happy to see my friend again. Tomorrow we will go to the Poetry Foundation building and later look at some cool perfumes with insane descriptions and even more insane scents (the one below quite literally smelled like a burnt motherboard...)

...very excited to be able to walk around...but for now I sleep...

[satiricaily]

i talked alot about juwons guilt but i dont think i properly took the time to indulge in dongsiks guilt (mainly because. look at him. where do you even start) yuyeon going missing + her fingers appearing on their yard is such a pivotal moment for his entire character and his motivations towards the world. like yeah he's angry he's disheartened he's helpless but most of all he's guilty. in a way none of those police thought he was. he's guilty because he didnt look after her better. he's got survivor's guilt on top of that because none of his family members went through that ordeal without either dying or being bedridden, meanwhile he's still walking on two feet and he's still the one people point at and cast aside and still the one cleaning up the house and dusting the windows and visiting his mother and bringing her fruits and trying so, so hard to compensate for what he couldn't manage to do; protect his sister. he becomes caring. thoughtful. loving. he becomes the most sympathetic character among all of them. he cared about every single person in that town despite their wariness towards him. he cared about jihwa and jihoon and jeongje and literally everyone else in that circle in a way he thought he should've been when yuyeon was still around. and still that would never bring her back. which is why on top of all that care and love is the madness and the slight dip into insanity because what's the fucking point. but at the same time it's i cant handle another person ending up like yuyeon. which is why minjeong dying was so fucking heartbreaking because he tried so so goddamn hard to protect these people out of the guilt that he didnt protect his sister enough and STILL he failed at it. (in his own perspective of course) its why he takes the ENTIRE responsibility of handling the truth by himself because he thinks it's HIS fault that it's happening all over again and this endless cycle of beating himself up and trying to amend things by himself and ruining himself in the process starts begins once more until. until juwon arrives with a guilt as big as his, a guilt that mirrors his own and that endless cycle slowly starts to shatter and both of them began to unknowingly try to find redemption through each other and its why that last scene is so fucking important too because dongsik getting handcuffed is like closing the door on the abuse that the guilt has done to him and twisting the key and throwing it away and he needed juwon to do that for him, because no one would understand the guilt better than juwon. there was never gonna be another person to arrest him because even though he's resolving his own guilt he's also taking juwons guilt upon himself and telling juwon look, here, cuff it away, youre good now, you dont have to suffer anymore. even though his future seems so bleak with the arrest he still tries so hard to do what he failed to do with yuyeon. protect her. at least this time he could protect juwon before the man could live with the guilt forever. at least this time when he meets juwon again he knows he succeeded.

[tinytveit]

bro i have been on like 3 - 4 hours of sleep everyday the whole of this week

no i am not ok????

[fever-dreamxo]

Me: well since tomorrow I am going to work in the morning and then go to a concert immediately after it’s very important that I get lots of sleep! :)

My shit brain: ok cool. You’re getting exactly 25 minutes of sleep.

[inkinflux]

Expedition (Part 1)

Modern!AU Viktor x gn!Reader | 1.5K | SFW

Viktor is a postgraduate student just trying to write his thesis. You’re the new research assistant undergrad who’s eager to use your new access card to work in the research office. Viktor can’t seem to focus when you’re around.

A/n: I decided to be nice and post the first 2 parts at the same time 🥰enjoy!

PART 2 | PART 3 

🚫 I DO NOT CONSENT TO MY WORK BEING USED TO TRAIN AI 🚫

First day back on campus, and Viktor’s year was already off to a brilliant start.

Jayce had picked him up an hour late, since he’d slept through his alarm. Then Viktor had spent twenty frustrating minutes waiting for the student hub workers to print off his new access card, upon which contained a gross misspelling of his name (how many times did he have to tell people it’s with a K, NOT a C?). After that he’d made the trek all the way to the other side of campus to hit up his favourite coffee shop, only to find out it had shut down over the holidays.

And finally, after struggling up eleven flights of steps, because of course the elevator had to be down for maintenance, he entered the usually empty research office to find the anticipated peacefulness sullied by the presence of a big-headphone-wearing undergrad who was slurping a cup of noodles.

Viktor took a deep breath, trying not to get upset. He’d woken up at 7am for no reason, since it was now midday and he was only just now sitting down at his desk to put a dent in his thesis. He opened up his research folder, refreshing his mind on the topic, before opening his word doc, already formatted according to submission criteria, though the due date wasn’t for another seven months.

His fingers flexed over the keyboard, his mind urging them to cooperate with the thoughts he’d been refining over the break. He had his hypothesis perfectly pictured, yet he couldn’t put it into words, the blank document taunting him as the clock passed its tenth minute past the hour and he still hadn’t pressed a single key.

He leaned back in his chair, sighing. It would certainly help if he had absolute silence, which he normally did, since no one usually utilised this office apart from him. He peered over his monitor, envious of the way your hands moved swiftly, the taps of your keys almost as loud as the music escaping from your headphones. How you could focus while having your music turned up to the max, so loud that Viktor could make out the lyrics of the god-awful song you were currently listening to, was an absolute marvel.

Your cup noodles sat half-eaten and forgotten by the side of your keyboard, their spicy aroma permeating the air with a stale tinge. Viktor stood to open a window, already annoyed at the overstimulation of smell and sound that were adding to his already sour mood.

Once opened he turned to face you, to see if you noticed. He wasn’t usually so petty, but he’d rather send a strong, silent message than actually confront you. But you were engrossed in your work, your face almost pressed to the screen as you frowned, backspacing frantically before continuing your onslaught of key-tapping.

Viktor huffed, deciding that enough was enough. He limped over to your desk, waiting for you to look up. He waved a hand to catch your attention, and to his utter dismay, you held a finger up in his face.

“Just a sec- why the fuck do you hate me right now?” you muttered, and for a moment Viktor was worried he’d come across as too mad, but you were still staring at your screen, “Oh, of course. I’m a fucking idiot. Stupid private function.” You finished typing quickly, then turned to Viktor while taking your earphones off. “Sorry, that bug took me an hour to find. What’s up?”

Viktor stood there, stunned. He didn’t know whether he wanted to be mad at you for being rude and cutting him off, or if he should’ve been thanking you for your time. You were the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. Somehow simultaneously angelic and grounded.

“You…” Viktor cleared his throat, “Your music is turned up too loud. It is distracting.”

“Shit,” You picked up your phone, roughly tapping the volume down button, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise.”

Viktor pointed to the access card that hung around your neck. Only newbies thought it was cool to wear them in such a fashion. “Are you an undergraduate?” He asked, already knowing the answer. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t returning to his desk; it was clear he had no chance with someone like you.

“Yeah,” You smiled brightly, excitement evident in the way you picked up the card, cradling it like it was a precious gem, “I’m one of the new RAs for Professor Medarda,” you relayed proudly.

“Ah,” Viktor said, “the school of computer science.”

You nodded, “What about you?”

“Engineering. Postgraduate.”

Your eyes widened. “Geez, I feel bad for you guys. I hear you don’t sleep. You need a coffee?”

Viktor smirked, “What do you think?”

You promptly stood, strolling over to the coffee machine in the corner of the room. “How do you take yours?”

Viktor tapped his fingers against the handle of his cane, pursing his lips. You looked over at him expectantly after you loaded the coffee pod. “I am a fan of milk and sugar.”

You raised your eyebrow. “Okay. Already breaking engineering student stereotypes. Next you’re going to tell me you don’t drink.”

Viktor watched you pour two cups, leaving the milk out for him to choose how much he wanted. “I would not have been able to survive the duration of my degree otherwise.” Viktor shuffled over, splashing his milk into his cup before taking a big spoon from the drawer.

You watched as he scooped spoonfuls of sugar, the white mounds of granules dissolving one after another. Viktor flushed when he realised you were watching, picking up the handle and bringing his coffee to his lips before you could see how affected he was.

“I like them sweet,” he murmured, taking a sip.

You gave him a look he couldn’t translate, then you picked up the spoon and copied his measurements, stirring the massive amount of sugar in before tapping the silverware to the rim with a loud clink.

Cradling the cup in your hands, the warmth savoured as you hummed in delight, you brought it to your soft-looking lips and tasted.

“Mmm,” you nodded enthusiastically, “I get it now. Who needs the energy from caffeine when a sugar high is just as motivating?”

Viktor found himself liking you more and more as time passed. “Have you heard of Vietnamese iced coffee?” he asked, and you shook your head, “It’s just like this, but they used condensed milk. It is a miracle.”

“I’ll have to try it sometime,” you said, returning to your desk.

Viktor was surprised to find himself feeling forlorn at the absence of your full attention. He went back to his desk, now with coffee in hand, and sat, greeting his blank word document once again.

He found himself glancing over to you every now and then, distracted by your endearing mannerisms. The way you’d frown at the screen, taking personal offense whenever your code wouldn’t work. Every now and then you’d say things out loud, as if you needed the extra support of your voice to work it out.

Once the clock struck 3pm, Viktor knew Jayce would soon be heading over to the parking garage to drive them home. He stood, collected his things, and turned to leave, then stopped.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you again,” he said, a troubled look on his angular face.

“No, honestly, don’t be sorry! I’m sorry for being kinda rude before,” you stammered in response, noticing how bright his tired eyes were, “It’s just sometimes I need to finish a thought before I lose it. It might take me a second to be with you but please, feel free to interrupt me whenever you like.”

Viktor nodded, taking in the surplus of words. You wanted to sink into your chair and disappear.

“I wanted to formally introduce myself, since I forgot to earlier,” he held his hand out, “I’m Viktor.”

Your hand had slid into his before you could think, the sensation feeling more intimate than it ought to. “(Y/n).”

“(Y/n),” Viktor spoke your name aloud, nodding to himself with a small smile. As he let your hand go your heart sunk, as you had made the startling discovery that he was earth-shatteringly cute. “It is nice to meet you. If you ever need an engineer’s expertise, I will be,” he waved his hand in the air, “around.”

“Sure,” you grinned, “I can’t promise I’m the best programmer on campus, but if you ever need help in that department, I’d be happy to lend a hand.”

Viktor went home that day with his thesis word count still at 0, but he found he wasn’t mad at himself. He was overcome with the sort of giddiness that only occurs with the birth of a new crush on an unattainable beauty; the comfort of pining without the pressure of consequence.

He went to sleep that night hoping he’d bump into you again.  

[nikrangdan]

roommate!heeseung pt. 1

pairing: roommate!heeseung x female reader

genre: mini fic(?), fluff, comedy, tiny angst(one little sad part)

warnings: cursing!!! 

word count: 4.3k

description: i guess you just didnt realize you were in love with your roommate...... who has a girlfriend

————

“ow!”

you had just hit heeseung over the head after he said he would burn all of your plushies

your Precious. Plushies

hell no you’ve been collecting these since you were 11 no way in hell heeseung would threaten ur babies

you rolled your eyes and started to walk to the kitchen to get a snack

stupid heeseung

hes always saying stupid shit🙄

before you walked out though you noticed the look on his face

like he was contemplating something

“y/n... can you do me a favor?” he nervously uttered out before you walked out his door

“....what kind..?” you furrowed your brows

why was he being so cryptic

“uhh i need you to get flowers and chocolates for me from stacys....”

STACYS?????????

stacys was this fancy store 45 MINUTES AWAY..

“ur fucking serious?” you deadpanned

this was something new

in all your 8 months of living with him he had never asked you of a favor this big

for context.., you had moved to this city apartment for college 8 months ago but you couldn’t afford it without a roommate

but luckily you overheard a certain boy praying for an apartment while you were on campus

and you guessed it!!! it was heeseung

you two clicked easily and you were very thankful he was your roommate

after 4 months of living together he told you he got a girlfriend

you didnt really know about his campus life since you didnt have classes together and you never saw him walking around

you dont know why you were surprised when he told you... i mean have u seem Him.....

but nonetheless

u were like “Omg heeseung!!! thats great<3” like the supportive friend u were

yeah and that was that

you didnt meet the girl until another month later

Now that..... that was an experience......

FLASHBACK WHOOSH

*knock knock knock*

who tha hell was knocking at 7 in the morning.........

you staggered your way over to the front door with your matching hello kitty pajamas

and u open the door to see a blonde Lady who looks around your age

Why did u forget to look thru the little peephole in the door...... ur probably just tired whatever

anyways ur like

“uhm....”

and shes like

“? who are you.?”

and ur like

??!!?[\^€]€\¥,_[+{*}*

“i live here....”

and shes like

“?...? oh sorry i thought my boyfriend lived here..”

and ur both just standing there like ;-;

shes all dressed up and u look like a childs room threw up on u

And thats when it hit u

“OH”

“are you heeseungs girlfriend?!!???” your hand raises up to point at her unconsciously

“ yes.. i am” she looked so lost it was so funny

“oh then you have the right place im sorry! hes my roommate” you scurry back into the apartment, gesturing for her to come in and close the door behind her

“what? he didnt tell me had a roommate..”

poor girl 😭😭😭

you quite literally pounce into heeseungs room and smack him while shes still standing outside awkwardly in the living room

“fucking idiot” smack to the face

“wake up” smack to the chest

“heeseung i swear to god” you shake his head

“are you fucking dead???? wake up!!!!” you pinch his ears really hard

that woke him up

“Ow ow ow ow OWWW y/n what the hell???” his eyes are forced open but theyre squinted due to the sunlight

“your girlfriend is here” you whisper-yell at him

“what???” he sat up so quickly you almost laughed

you were 90% sure she heard everything

oh well

his problem

he just stares into space for a second before his eyes go wide

ur just sitting on his bed waiting for him to do something like Uhhh

“shit i planned a date today oh my god” he jumped up from his bed and hastily told you to “stay put” before throwing on a hoodie, walking to see his girlfriend, and slamming his bedroom door leaving u sat on his bed

yes u were nosy Muahahahahah

so u pressed ur ear against the door to listen to their conversation

“sora, im so sorry i slept in late i promise ill make it up to you please baby dont be mad”

you had to stifle your laughter with your hand

God this was gold

“heeseung why didnt you tell me you lived with a girl.”

oooooooh hes in trouble you laugh to yourself

“ah about that.. im sorry i didnt tell you.. dont worry though, you know i only like you! shes just my roommate”

ouch

Why did that hurt 😪

“whatever heeseung.. ill call you later” and then you heard the door slam

already???? you were ready to get ur popcorn :///

you didnt even notice it had been a while before the door opened with you still leaning on it

boom u fell on the floor

“ow”

“shut up” he said before jumping face down on his bed

you stand up to lean against his door again, staring pitifully at the boy

“you okay?” you cross your arms

“mmm” he mumbles into his pillow

“you know i think i deserve a treat for being woken up at 7am on a sunday by your little girlfriend”

“little? shes taller than you” he turned around to lay on his back and chuckle

“oh so you’re making jokes right now when your girlfriend might break up with you?” you glare at him

“shes not gonna break up with me over something this little” he rolls his eyes and grabs his phone from his nightstand

“you know you’re a little piece of shit heeseung!” you yell out to him after you walked out of his room

“how?!” he yelled back

“treat your girlfriend better!”

he kept his mouth shut after that

yeah you two didnt talk for the rest of the day because he stayed in his room sulking or whatever

fast forward to now

Right after he asked u to get him the chocolates and flowers

“please y/n, sora is gonna be here in 2 hours and i need to get everything ready and i dont have enough time to do everything” he begged

WITH THOSE CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOG EYES OF HIS GOD

“do you really need them from stacys though???” you whined

he just huffed and glared at you “yes! sora only likes them from there.”

“nuh uh mister dont give me that look” you narrow your eyes at him

he immediately stops his glare and tries to look neutral

it almost made you laugh

you just looked at him for a few seconds before giving up

“fine. but what am i getting in return?”

his eyes lit up and traveled up as he was in thought

“hmmm ill buy you food whenever you want for a month”

Wow

“woah thats more than i bargained for but deal!” he didnt realize that until after you shook his hand, very enthusiastically might i add

Lol

so now you were on your way home with the MASSIVE bouquet of roses and beautifully wrapped chocolates sitting nice and snug in the passenger seat of your car

these two things costed $115

oh well its heeseungs money not yours

you found it amusing because heeseung was nowhere near rich so where was he finding this money to blow

over an hour later and ur finally back home

u open the door

u struggled very much btw

almost dropped everything haha

but woah......

your eyes widened and your mouth fell open

“heeseung? you didn’t tell me you two were having the date here..”

as soon as you walked in you smelled a pretty scent and the lighting was dim

it was beautiful

there were candles lit on every surface

rose petals were scattered messily everywhere

the two seater dining table was topped with elegant decor

there was quiet jazz music playing from his speaker

the familiar aroma of your favorite food hit you

standing there in your apartment didnt feel real

it felt like you were in a dream

you couldnt believe your apartment could turn into room from a fairytale

you were never one to be into disney princesses and fantasies

but for the first time ever you almost wished for a prince charming yourself

you almost got lost in a trance

and then....

the boy himself walked out

donned in an all black suit with a sliver of the white undershirt peeking underneath and the white tie

his bangs were covering his forehead and you noticed he styled them to be wavy

he had his earrings in and rings were present on 3 of his fingers

he looked absolutely dazzling

you dont know how or why.. but your heart began to race

why did this feel like it was for you...?

you wanted to be his disney princess

staring at him wistfully, it felt like time had stopped

“oh thanks y/n, i almost thought you ditched me” he chuckled quickly

he was frantic and out of breath as he snatched the things out of your hand

“right!” he began as he sped around the room setting everything up

“im sorry but i forgot to ask if you could leave for today. im such an idiot, im sorry y/n.. you can stay at a friends house or something for the night?” he didnt even look at you as he perfected the chocolates on the counter and the plates on the table

you couldnt help but notice your heart clench and your stomach twist at his words

you were still glued to your spot infront of the door

“o-oh! yeah, okay thats fine ill get my stuff now” you scurry to your room

you speedily threw some clothes and necessities in a bag before walking back to him

“hey..”

he didnt look at you

“helloooo”

“heeseung” you poke him

he finally turned to you

“sorry what?” he gazed down at you with big eyes

“its okay.. just wanted to let you know im leaving now” you give him a small smile

“oh right! thank you y/n again” he grinned

his pretty smile

“you look great by the way... have fun” you manage to say before slipping out the door

you didnt let him reply back because if you stayed in there a second longer you think you would’ve fallen in love with him

where did these feelings come from...?

you smack yourself on your forehead as youre walking down the steps to your car

ur probably just feeling like this because no man has ever done anything like that for u

and seeing it in real life made u want a bf 😟😟

yeah... thats it

so now ur at sunoos house

a close friend from your finance class

he lives in his parents house but theyre never home so he basically owns the place and doesn’t have to pay for it

Yeah u kinda envy the boy

but you love him because hes great

“y/n ..do you like him????” sunoo gasps

you guys are watching tangled for the 10th time and you were explaining what happened back at your apartment

“what? where did you get that from?” you snort, your eyes still focused on the movie

you could literally feel his eyes piercing into your soul with that stare

“the way you were telling me that story.... you sounded a bit jealous if i do say so myself..” he raises his eyebrow and leans back into the couch

“i do not like heeseung, sunoo” your eyes roll and you turn to look at him finally

he has a little smirk as he looks at u suspiciously

“hmmm okay, i get it” he raises his arms in defense and surrenders “you don’t wanna talk about it”

you scoff and laugh at his actions “you’re so annoying”

so ..*time skip* lol

you slept at sunoos for the night

it wasnt anything new bc u used to stay at his alot while u were in the process of moving into your apartment

one of his guest rooms is practically urs bc u have some decorations and spare clothes there :P

when you woke up that sunday morning you realized you forgot to set an alarm

so now its like 11am

well its not like you needed to be home so you shrugged it off

“morning” u said to sunoo when u saw him sitting on the couch watching wreck it ralph

boy loves his movies

“when are you going home?”

“wow rude.... not even a good morning back??” you found him amusing

“sorry, good morning. when are you going home” he turned his head to look at you

it made you laugh

Sunoo is so funny u love him

“do u wanna get rid of me that bad??? i hate you”

“ni-ki and jungwon are coming over today and i dont want you smothering them like you always do” he playfully glares at you

NI-KI AND JUNGWON???!!!??!!!!!!

“MY BABIES????” you exclaim and jump on the couch next to sunoo

“yes” he exasperatingly says

“now leave before they get here”

“WHAT?? no im staying because i wanna see them”

“NO!!!! now get out of my house y/n”

“why not?!!???! sunoo please i bet they miss me so much”

“y/n please.. they do NOT miss you”

“they literally do i always make them cookies and theyre like y/n ur so cool we love you”

“u mustve been hallucinating....”

“sunoo please please please i dont wanna go home” u tried to muster up the cutest puppy dog eyes ever

he looked at your face for a moment

“no u look ugly”

“YOU’RE SO ANNOYING” you push him

“theyre coming back tomorrow you can come then! today is boys night”

“boys night?” you snort “what the fuck are u kids gonna do that i cant be around for?”

“SHUT UP Y/N get out of my house!” he just starts to drag you out of his house himself

“ow oW OKAY fine ill leave... have fun doing.. whatever you’re gonna do” you grab your bag and start to head for the door

sunoo slams the door in ur face after he says “bye dont come back please” 😭😭😭

“asshole!” u yell to him thru the door

you just huff and stand on his porch for a second

you wonder if heeseung still has his girlfriend over and decide to text him

y/n🦧: hi can i come back home

welp

now ur sitting on sunoos porch waiting for a reply

10  minutes pass while ur scrolling on your phone and still no reply

you look up when you hear the front door open

“why are you still here?” sunoo frowns at you

“heeseung didnt answer my text and i dont wanna go back if his girlfriend is still there” you reply

“go home y/n plz.... i lied jungwon and ni-ki arent coming over.. my grandparents are” he tries to shoo you away

“why would you lie about that” you laugh

“theyre really mean! but you can come back tomorrow because the boys are actually gonna be here.. now go because my grumpy grandparents are gonna be here in like 5 minutes” he guides your shoulders down his porch

“ugh.. if his girlfriend is still there its your fault” you pout

“wha- how is that my- whatever y/n go home!!!”

when you drive off you dramatically wave your hand to him trying to show how desperately you did not wanna go home

sunoo just giggles and runs back inside

you drove home extra slow Lol

and now you were at the door contemplating whether or not you just make a run for it

but u said fuck it because u missed the comforts of ur own room

well u knocked a little before unlocking the door

how embarrassing to be knocking on the door of ur own home 💀

you didnt get an immediate answer so u just stood outside in the apartment hallway....waiting....

after waiting for like 30 seconds (because ur impatient) you knock again

well i tried to be nice you thought

you finally gave up and unlocked the door with your keys, kind of slowly opening the door to peek in

hmmm.... nothing

the sun was emitting some rays of light through one of the windows but none of the lights were on

and why was there food still on the table..?

you were kind of afraid to go see heeseung 

but

you did notice one thing

there wasn’t a pair of shoes u didnt recognize sitting on the rack by the door 

so... is his girlfriend not here or did she bring her shoes to his room lol..

“hello?” you unconfidently called out to nobody in particular

no answer

you slipped your shoes off quietly and tiptoed towards the hallway that included both of your rooms across from eachother

the kitchen and living room looked untouched 

to describe u being confused would be an understatement

you set your bag down on your bed and then made your way to heeseung.. just to check on him

you were genuinely so confused rn

you thought they would be cuddling on the couch or talking in his room or something but it was dead silent throughout the house

“heeseung?” you soft knocked on the door of his bedroom

surely he couldnt still be asleep.. it was noon on a monday and heeseung would normally be up by 10 because he said he would “start being a more productive man” as he said it

you always laughed at him because he used to wake up at like 3pm on days he didnt have class

anyways you didnt get an answer which was slightly concerning because you didnt forget to take note that you saw his car in the parking garage when you arrived

“i’m coming in” you called out to him before twisting the knob and pushing the door open

you realized you might be crossing a line and he’d get upset at you for invading his privacy but you were honestly worried for your friend

at first you didn’t see him

his room was empty, not a single person in sight

that is until you further examined the big lump on his bed

“heeseung? what...” you walked over to the lump that you only knew was him because you could see a bit of his hair peeking out from the top

“um.. am i interrupting something..” you awkwardly said, debating whether or not to go closer

he wasn’t saying anything so you guessed he was sleeping

how odd for him

you wanted to just check real quick and then you’d leave his room

so your feet padded softly against his wooden floor as you made your way over to him

and you bent down a little to kind of tug the huge blanket away from his face

as you got closer you also noticed his girlfriend wasnt here

the first thing you noticed was that he was definitely not asleep

your eyes widened and your hand instinctively went to his face to cup his cheek

“are you okay?! why are you crying?” you quickly asked, your eyebrows were furrowed in worry

in your months living with him you have never seen him show any emotional feelings in front of you and it almost made you panic

his eyes locked onto yours before he looked away from you and closed his eyes

he still hasnt said anything and you really didnt know what to do in this situation

you took your hand off his cheek before sighing

now you’re just sat on the side of his bed just looking at him.. wondering what to do

you were sure he wasn’t sleeping even though his eyes were shut and he wouldnt move

but you sat there for 5 minutes and he didnt seem to mind

“sora broke up with me” 

he finally broke the silence

...

you didnt know what to say

you couldnt ask if he was okay when he obviously wasnt

“do you wanna talk about it? you looked over to heeseung to see him staring at you

“not really” he broke eye contact once again and looked up towards the ceiling

“later i will.. just not now” he breathed out

you nodded at that, understanding his situation

you felt terrible for the boy

his eyes were red and his voice was all nasally like he’d been crying

“i’ll leave you alone now..” you patted his big blanket fluff to lighten the mood and walked out his stuffy room

hours had passed while he was stuck in that room and you didnt know what to do 

it was 7pm already

you spent the day watching tv in the living room 

but it was dinner time and you made ramen (his fav!!!) in hopes that he would come out of there

“heeseung you’ve gotta eat” you knock on his door again

you had told him to eat at 2 earlier but he insisted that he wasnt hungry

you were surprised when he instantly opened the door and your hand was still in midair as you were knocking

if your hand moved an inch you wouldve been knocking on his chest which you found very funny but you didnt think this was the right time for jokes

“hi” you looked up at him

he was wearing his purple beanie with sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt

he definitely looked better than he did this morning which you thanked god for

“hey” he gave u this look :]

“you okay? i made ramen.. can you smell it” you kinda giggled

“yeah, thanks” he tried to send you a small smile which you were thankful for

“okay well come eat because i worked very hard on it” you turned on your heels and went towards the tiny kitchen island with two seats

he followed you and sat next to you as you gave him his bowl and chopsticks

“bon appetit!” you clapped your hands before digging in

you were proud of urself ngl... the ramen was smacking

“thank you y/n” he said softly

you refused to admit it but he was.. So Cute

“no problem, just eat” you grinned

and you two ate in silence for a good 15 minutes

he said he would do the dishes after you were done which was relieving because you wanted to go jump in your bed and watch tiktoks very badly

there was a slight awkwardness in the air too so you wanted to let that cool off too

so now you were cuddled up in our bed with your phone very close, almost too close, to your face

and you could hear the sink running as heeseung washed the dishes

you silently prayed he was feeling better and that he would be over it soon

the sink turned off and you could hear his footsteps coming towards the hallway

what surprised you was that you heard knocks on your bedroom door

“can i come in?” he asked

“yeah its open” you replied

u had to get out of ur blanket cocoon :///

you watched him stride over to sit next you on your bed

he even got under the covers and laid down like dang lmao u getting comfy i guess

“whats up?” you were sitting up while he was laying on your pillows

“so.. she broke up with me last night” he spoke while hugging one of your plushies

oh OHH so this is what this is about

“oh.. are you feeling better now?”

“yeah i think.. we only dated for 4 months but i really liked her....”

“did she say why she did?” you asked

“she said she found someone else. i dont know if you know this but shes a year older than me and she told me she wasnt into younger guys which doesnt even make any sense because her ex was younger than her too and-”

“okay heeseung” you laugh “people are like that, you just gotta deal with it”

“yeah yeah, i know” he sighed “i dont know.. i dont know if im sad i lost her or if im sad over the fact that i dont have a girlfriend anymore”

“was she your first girlfriend?”

“me? y/n” he laughed “ive had plenty before”

“oh” you didnt even wanna ask

“why? have you never had a boyfriend or something?” he joked

“no....” you trailed off, unable to look him in the eye out of embarrassment

you were never even embarrassed about that but for some reason admitting it to heeseung made you shy

“what?! no way” he was actually shocked

“yes way now can we change the topic this is terrible” you roll your eyes and shove a plushie in his face

“awee little y/n” he teased you

“get out” you snickered

“okay okay fine.. but yeah i think i’ll be okay. she broke up with me as soon as she got here so all of my planning was for nothing. i think that was what devastated me the most, i had no one to eat with”

you wanted to yell I LITERALLY EXIST soooo bad

Why is he so stupid....... 

“thats sad...” you said

you wanted to laugh at your reply bc what else could you say

“yeah anyways you dont have to worry about taking care of me while im sulking or whatever im cool now’

“well that was quick.. you were acting like a baby this morning now ur this tuff guy” you tease

“yeah yeah i dont even know why i was acting like that” his cheeks went pink

“im just kidding” you send a small smile his way “you know im always here for you right? dont be afraid to be a little emotional sometimes” you reach over to pat his head

“thanks y/n” he smiles “you’re a really great friend”

ouch

yeah.. friend

[voidbeomgyu]

life update: missed my 7am lecture bc i felt not good at all and slept thru it but i managed to email my prof before so its okay🦉its 10am and feel better now so im gonna go to my next lecture that starts at 11:45am (yes i only have two classes today and they are 3 hours and 25 mintues apart bc my first lecture ends at 8:20 cries) my mom said she's cool with driving me so thats cool i wont have to leave at 11am to catch the bus since the next bus comes at 11:55am o.0

[bishiglomper]

Today is super miserable I dont even.

I've decided caffeine isnt as big of a factor as i thought it was when I end up staying up late fixating on art because i didnt have caffeine other than a bottle of store bought tea as opposed to the decaf I make at home. I went to bed at 7am. And hardly slept for 3 hours before I whined at mom who had me take a full muscle relaxant.. I remember rolling over at some point and thinking "yes.. this is just enough." It took until 8pm for that overtired, over caffeinated exhaustion to wear off and actually feel like i got some actual sleep. And the whole night I was burping up awful things. Woke up with mild vertigo. Within 15 minutes of being awake and just chatting with mom, all my check engine lights were flashing. By the time I left I was all hunched and miserable. And i had just been sitting on her bed. Like c'mon.. Why does just being conscious make my body fall apart?

Several areas in my guts are unhappy but only half of them want pressure. The other half muchly do not. 😒 I cannot get comfy..

I took my prescription migraine drugs but all its done so far is trade the burning for pressure. 😣

Why does my body have to be so frickin dysfunctional I stg

[zaikaglow]

Umbrageous Part 4

Pairing: Hange x Reader, Eren x Reader, Erwin x Reader (soon to be Levi x Reader)

Summary: Erwin is out and leaves you under Eren’s watchful eye to keep you out of trouble but when he gets called into the office on a Saturday what is a girl to do to entertain herself while plotting her next move of her office conquest

Content Warnings: Step dad! Erwin, alcoholism mention, size kink, cheating, pseudoincest

This chapter is the longest yet but I decided not to break it up for cohesiveness (if its to hard to read I may break it up if I get that request)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

You were laying in bed wrapped under the covers when you felt a hand touch your foot, Erwin you assume. A smile spreads across your face even while it's buried into the pillow, you feel happy knowing Erwin couldn't resist you so badly he was sneaking into your room while your mother slept off her hangover upstairs. But it's still only 7am and you're tired so you just tug open the covers as an invitation to slide in next to you. Instead of feeling a warm Erwin sliding in next to you to wrap you up in his big arms you're jolted as someone jumps into the bed and a nose starts to nuzzle behind your ear and under your jaw. “Eren”??? You exclaim as you sit up in bed looking bewildered that somehow this boy had gotten into your room. He’s laying down, head propped up on one hand, his elbow digging into the pillow next to yours. “Your dad told me to come and wake you” he says smiling ear to ear “uhh what are you doing here? On a saturday?” you reply still confused as to why he’s here. His eyebrows raised a little, seeming almost a little hurt that you seemed more confused than excited, the poor boy was so down bad for you at times you almost felt a little bad that he was a pawn in your deprived incestous game. “Mr.Smith told me he had an event to go to today and that I should come hand out to keep you company today, he’s making breakfast downstairs”. You place a hand onto his cheek rubbing your thumb in circles in an attempt to placate the saddened look on his face. It works and his smile returns and he takes your hand in his “let's go downstairs”. 

Erwin is at the stove wearing a white tee shirt and his old plaid pajama bottoms, so simple and yet he looks oh so handsome especially when he turns around and smiles “Thanks for getting y/n out of bed Eren”. You both take a seat at the table Erwin places plates of pancakes in front of you and Eren and the dark haired boy slides his hand onto your thigh. “So are you and mom going out tonight or something” you say, still confused as to why Erwin would have invited the “Jaeger boy” into your house and then sending him into your bedroom. Erwin now sits down with the two of you at the table “Yes we have an engagement for her work this evening but we’ll be leaving soon. I figured your friend Eren here could keep you company while we're gone. Keep you out of trouble” He says with a wink. “I'll do my best Mr.Smith” Eren says mouth full, he’s lucky he’s hot otherwise that would have been utterly repulsive. 

A few hours later and your mom and Erwin had left, they were probably going to be staying the night at some Inn since the event was so far away but Erwin had made sure to tell Eren that while he was to keep you company today he shouldn't be staying the night and that he’d be checking in. You and Eren were sitting on your bed, you laying down feet propped up against the headboard scrolling through your phone ignoring a text from Jean asking how you were doing over break and asking if you wanted to hang out once the break ended and that he missed you.. Like he missed his other friends of course (him trying to cover up his feelings only making them more obvious. Eren is sitting at the foot of the bed rattling off things that you could be doing. He wanted to prove to you that he could show you a good time, hopeful that after you both went back to school that you’d still want to see him. You two had been at the same campus this past year and you had never even known he existed; he worried about how easy it would be to forget him after the winter break ended. “Well we could go sledding? I have some old ones back at my place and there's this hill right in town I think that will be fun? Would you think that would be fun?” Eren was rambling when suddenly his phone went off and his eyes went wide “Mr.Ackermen? No it's okay, yeah I can help. Uh actually I was supposed to watch Mr.Smith's daughter today can I bring her? Oh really? Okay I guess that works out” he hangs up the phone. The words coming out of his mouth are so fast they almost blur together “Uhh y/n Im really sorry but Mr.Ackerman’s client had a problem come up and I know it's saturday but I have to come in a help but also the client is there and they're pretty cool i've met them so do you want to come with me? You could hang out with Hange or something. I'm sorry” he looks so nervous that you're about to get mad or upset but his face relaxes as you turn your head and just say “sure” right as you send a text saying the exact same thing to Jean.

It feels strange being back at the office on a saturday the normal bustle of people gone but also you were excited this felt like a way to get your foot in the door or zipper? Of Mr.Ackermans pants. You still knew that this would be the best way to get under Erwin’s skin and force his hand, but you hoped you could do it without Eren finding out it would break the poor boy's heart and he was a pretty good lay in the meantime besides you’ve never even seen Mr.Ackerman for all you knew he was an ugly old guy. You werent even sure if he’d be someone you could tolerate fucking for pure revenge yet.

But that fear was quelled when you saw him, surprised a little by his height he was tiny and you’d have to look down to meet his eye but he was beautiful. His undercut raven hair makes his stealy eyes look exceptionally blue. He was so perfect and little it was almost like he was a doll. And you were surprised at yourself, you mean you had laughed at the jokes about short guys before using the word “manlet” but you couldn't help but notice the tingling in between your thighs thinking about how hot it would be to be towering over him tilting up his perfect little chin to look you in the eyes as you pinned him down with your thighs.

“Eren, when you said you had to watch someone I figured it be a child” Mr.Ackerman said raising an eyebrow

“Yeah well my dad seems to think I’m one” you replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. The corners of Mr.Ackerman’s lips lifted and he let out a small chuckle “I’m Levi, you dad's business partner” he says extending his hand. You give it a slight squeeze to his hand shake admiring how delicate his hands were. “Im y/n it’s nice to finally meet you”. Eren steps out from behind you “So does this mean I can call you Levi now?” Eren chimes in “No” Levi replys rather flatly. It looks like he’s about to say something else when suddenly you see someone emerge from Levi’s office “Leeeeviiii is that your little friend whos here to help? Oh Eren it's nice to see you again!” you're a little surprised how this stranger is also very attractive, you were so used to messing with boys that you were a little caught off guard by just how attractive this feminine  presenting person was. What the fuck was in the water in this town. Instead of walking around the couch that was placed by the office door they clamored over it, Levi wincing as their feet touched the cushions. “Hi, I’m y/n” you say extending your hand the stranger grabs it with both of their hands “I'm Hange Zoe, it's nice to meet you” they say with the most endearing smile. “Hange I told you to keep your goddamn feet off my couch!” Levi exclaims, still holding onto your hands Hange replies ``oh relax, you're so uptight I know you’d make everyone take their shoes off in here if you could”.

“Absolutely I would. Eren we have work to do, Hange try not to bore y/n to death” Levi says before closing the office door behind him. Hange pulls you back onto the cough they had previously just climbed over and asked you how you felt about science. “I like it, I'm actually majoring in biology right now” you say Hange’s eyes light up. They tell you about how they owned a small biotech company that was undergoing a merger and that was what brought them to Levi and Erwin’s business. They went on for a few hours about the intricacies of what they did when suddenly they stopped noticing you staring “Im sorry am I boring you? I’m told I have a habit of droning on” they say apologetic looks in their eyes. “No you're not boring me, I just noticed how beautiful your eyes are”. That's when they invited you back to their hotel, you had both been there so long, Eren and Levi were still working and it would be a while so why not? They popped in to tell the men they’d be giving you a ride home and that when you found yourself sitting on a queen sized bed drink in hand when Hange tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I’ve never done this before, had sex with someone who’s not a man” you say shly Hange is kissing up your neck when they make it to your ear they whisper “youre a scientist” they nip at your earlobe “consider it a sort of experiment” they kiss you tasting sweet tang of their drink on your mouth. You bite your bottom lip sliding your hand up their thighs “will you teach me?” Hange bends down to kiss your ribs over your shirt their hands starting to move towards the button of your jeans when you place your hands over their harms running them up till you meet their jaw and pull their face back up to meet yours “you first” you mutter before dropping to your knees your head now between theirs. Your fingers make quick work of Hange’s button down and when you get to their chest you notice they weren't wearing a bra under their shirt. You kiss by their navel dragging your tongue up till you reach their nipple swirling your tongue around it before latching your lips to it. With how soft they felt in your hand and the way they moaned, threw their head back and gripped at the bed sheet you could feel your own panties getting soaked. You start to move your head back down kissing along their stomach until you get to their waistband you look up at Hange while your delicate fingers start to unbutton their slacks ``you're going to tell me what to do right?” their hand brushes your hair back, their fingers massaging through your scalp “of course my dear”. 

Hange’s hands are pressed to both sides of your face “hhmm thats it, keep circling just like that” you have 2 fingers inside their tight cunt moving in and out making sure to use your knuckles to hit that sweet spot at the top just like Erwin does for you. You keep your pointed tongue moving in quick circles around their clit pausing every few strokes to wrap your lips around it and suck, until finally the fist your hair in their hands as you feel them start to clench around your fingers “good girl, now your turn”. They take your arms pulling you up as they lay down bringing your core right above their mouth kissing your slit over your panties hand running down your thigh, trailing their finger down the crease of your thigh and and core until they reach around the fabric pulling it to the side before dipping their tongue inside you. Your thighs squeeze around Hange’s face as they drag their tongue out of you and up around your clit. Fingers starting to run up your body making their way to your bra. Instead of unclasping it they pull down the cups letting your breasts spill out, fingers tweaking your nipples. It's all too much as you reach back to undo the rest of the bra you feel yourself getting closer as their tongue is back and forward from your dripping slit to your clit and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you ride out your orgasm on their thick tongue.

Laying back in bed Hange has their hands folded behind their head while your sitting cross legged blankets are pulled up to your wrist but your chest is still bare “hey Hange this may not be the best time for this.. But uh is that Levi guy single?” you say playing with fabric between your two fingers too embarrassed to look at the person who just fucked you into oblivion about another. A smile breaks across Hange’s face as they sit up and prop their head up under their fist “Levi?? You're interested really?” you look over at them trying to contain the nervous smile you feel tugging at your lips “yeah I think I am”. They laugh “That little hardass he seems tough but I know he’s lonely he’d appreciate attention from someone as delectable as you”, they tilt their head to the side “I'll introduce you to him again, I know how to warm him up”

Tag List: @thestrugglesofateenagedirtbag​

[darlingoddity]

Retrograde Survival Kit: Everything I’ve Ever Known

Happy Retrograde. Words we never hear. I was born during Mercury in Retrograde and I’m currently living near my Mercury transit line on my astrocartography map. So, Mercury is kind of my thing. 

So much so that I just slept for 28 hours to welcome it… I went to sleep Sunday around 11pm. Woke up around 1:30pm to watch some youtube videos, fell asleep during those again till 6pm… stayed up for about 4 hours and woke up at 7am on Tuesday. I can’t remember the last time I did something like this, but I highly recommend! I’ve been on a JOURNEY the last two days without leaving my bed except to poop and eat once.

In that time, I dreamt a lot. And cried. I woke up crying at one point. I cried about my ex—I swear at one point a corner of my sheets smelled like him and I missed being hugged. I cried about my mom and how we haven’t had a healthy relationship EVER and I”m not sure I’ll ever know what it feels like to be loved by her, even though I know in her own way she loves me very much.

I did a lot of breathing. I guess that’s the caveat—don’t do this unless you’ve been doing breathwork exercise for quite some time, at least 6 months. These episodes without breathwork can tunnel down into depression. I however, woke up wanting to start a blog.

I’m alone. I’ve been alone for over a year now, and kind of my whole life. People hurt, so I usually only get close to them in seasons. 

I was crying about these old pains that I feel are somehow trapped in my body, and I’d really like them to leave. And that’s when a voice—a voice? A thought? Spirit? You know, GOD maybe? When that More Knowing voice in my head reminded me: it isn’t your pain, it’s theirs. People spread their pain because it’s the only color they have to paint with. And how do we ever feel “ideal” love without knowing its hue. 

I’ve worked very hard my whole life not to hurt people, and I’m sure I have. And yet, I carry other people’s pain inside me. Why do I identify with their pain and not the kind I create?

Something symbolic happened Sunday, hours before my slumber, my mirror fell off my closet door. It’s like the world—YES THE WORLD—my own little precious world inside my Los Angeles apartment, was telling me to reflect in a new way. I had to put the mirror in a new place for the time being.

I think that’s what retrograde is: reflecting in a new way. Resting so we can notice what pain comes up while being in the position to see it, feel it, and give it breath and rest. 

I’m not sure I have ever known love the way I’ve dreamt of it. I’m not sure anything has ever lived up to my wild imagination, except maybe in pockets of time when it has actually superseded my expectations. I don’t know why pain is easier to remember than these ecstatic moments, which I know I’ve had, because I remember telling myself to “be there, in that moment and never let it go.” And then I step in shit or something and it’s gone immediately.  

Retrograde comes 3-4 times a year. On purpose. Like Mary Poppins trying to feed us a spoonful of medicine with maybe a little sugar… and the sugar to help it go down is REST. The memories, the pain, the retrograde will come back regardless. So you might as well rest, breathe, and cry. I think it helped me realize it was never all up to me to make these things go right. That if I sit some things out, I’m stronger for it. Because an uphill battle doesn’t change whether you take a break or not. The hill remains upright and uphill. And sleep and dreams are a gift. I spent a lot of time with my dad in my dreams. We shared a lot of cool moments like a car chase and eating at a diner he owned in this dreamland. We bonded. And even if it was a dream, I felt very loved and woke up refreshed at the beginning of retrograde.