#jesus im 28 now

[ohmygillygoshoppler]

OOOOooooooooooOOOOO its my BIRFDAAAYYYY

I WANT

I WANT

i wand

what do I want????

[deet-doot]

this guy's name has been making me chuckle for nearly ten years

[umbruhcorpsez]

[Edit 2-28-24: I will be keeping this up cause i’m still proud of the art itself and how it turned out. But god damn wtf.

Im terribly disappointed in wilbur and his bullshit, bro should really stay in therapy cause jesus christ- anyways i wish Shelby and anyone affected by his actions the best of luck in the future and a very good rest of your day to whoever’s reading this :)]

Probably gonna stop the old art dumping here for now…

this is the most recent one so far (April 2023)

anyways I’m still really proud of this, I tried selling it as a print one time but no one bought it :(

[smoopy]

update— it was kind of a shit show but i made it thru!!

i take the lsat tomorrow!!! shaking in my little boots wish me luck

[bwabys-scenarios]

🎄Fixer Upper🎄

Pt 29

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

part 28

part 29.5

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! There is a lot of smut in this chapter, and the next few chapters will be a flashback to the Chimera Ant Arc!

⚠️warning⚠️: there is a sex scene in this chapter, virginity loss, creampie, oral(reader receiving), fingering, boob sucking

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah @themanicwriter01

If you’d like to be ADDED to the taglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

The week was taking forever to pass by, Kurapika becoming more antsy by the day. Killua watched as the blonde nearly tripped staring at (Name) as she passed by.

“Jesus Christ man, I know you’re like head over heels in love with her, but can you at least watch where you’re going? You nearly spilt coffee on my Minecraft creeper slippers.”

Alluka giggled, circling the blonde. “You like (Naamee), you like (Naaamee)!”

The blonde turned bright red, trying to quiet the girl as (Name) turned back around. “Hmm? What were you saying Alluka?”

Killua patted Alluka’s shoulder, giving her a look. “Oh… nothing, big sis.”

Incidents like this happened nearly daily. Kurapika couldn’t help swooning every time she walked by, and sighing like a wife whose husband left for war when she left.

“She’s only been gone for 15 minutes, Kurapika.”

The blonde huffed. He had just been peeking out the window and Killua felt the need to tease him. “I just miss her, is that a crime?”

“No, but being a clingy loser is.”

(Name) got back a few minutes later, carrying a few grocery bags. She was immediately greeted by Kurapika, who took the bags and hovered around her like a lovesick puppy. “Did you miss me that much, Pika?”

She gave his cheek a peck as she put away the nutmeg and cookie mix. Kurapika had been by her side at all times for the past few days, wanting to cuddle, kiss, or hold hands as much as possible. It was like he was making up for lost time.

After putting up the groceries, (Name) was pulled towards the couch so he could “discuss their Christmas plans”. In reality, it was an excuse for him to lay his head in her lap while she talked and played with his hair.

“(Name)…”

She combed through his hair with her fingers, humming softly. “Yes, Pika?”

Kurapika glanced at the newly set up Christmas tree, its branches still bare. He stayed quiet for a second before speaking, his voice now softer, almost sounding nostalgic. “The Kurta… we didn’t celebrate Christmas, but… we still had similar traditions during the winter.”

(Name)’s eyes widened, her hands pausing before resuming. Kurapika almost never brought up his clan unless it was in reference to his revenge, so she was a little surprised. “What traditions were they?”

“… we would decorate the trees in our village. Each family had their own tree to grow and take care of throughout the year, and during winter we would decorate it with jewelry and handmade ornaments. When… I discovered the massacre, not only had they killed my family, they burned down our homes and trees. It’s stupid, but… when I searched the rubble of my home after burying the dead, seeing my childhood ornaments burnt to a crisp made me cry. It was something I never thought I would lose, I took the little things for granted.”

(Name) cupped his cheek gently. As he spoke, Kurapika’s eyes began to water, before tears freely fell.

“It’s not stupid, Pika. That was something important to you, a hint of normalcy that you never thought would be ripped away. It’s okay to be upset with it, small things like that made up your life.”

Kurapika leaned into her touch, allowing her to comfort him with her warmth. “Pika… you know, we could make ornaments together… if you wanted.”

He let out a shaky sigh, turning to bury his face into her stomach. “That… would be wonderful, (Name).”

She smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to the side of his head. “We’ll pick up the supplies when we go in our date this Saturday.”

‘Our date…’

He nuzzled against her, his arms wrapping around her waist to gently squeeze the fat of her hips. “Sounds like a plan…”

It felt like being in the Hunter Exam again. He was so soft and sweet with her, wanting to snuggle and cuddle with her every second he could. Although they still struggled with kissing due to their shyness, hugs and cuddles were becoming common place.

Before they knew it, the day of their date had come. The entire day, Kurapika paced around, taking an extra long shower. After he got out, he dressed himself in a pair of sweatpants and a tanktop so he could get some work done. It was only 12 pm, their date was supposed to be at 5 pm.

“Ah, where are my shoes…”

Kurapika looked up from his laptop, raising an eyebrow as he watched (Name) pull on an ugly Christmas sweater over a tanktop. “Our date isn’t until 5 pm, why are you getting ready? Are you going somewhere?”

The blonde had grown even more attached than he had been during the Hunter Exam, wanting to be near her or at least know where she was at all times.

“That’s none of your business.”

Kurapika turned to see Killua wearing a matching Christmas sweater, carrying Cornbread the cat in one arm, and a cat carrier holding Meatloaf in the other. By the looks of his scratched up hand, Kurapika knew Killua probably attempted to carry Meatloaf by hand the first go around.

“Are… are the cats wearing sweaters too?”

“Yeah, and what of it? It’s cold.”

(Name) rolled his eyes at Killua’s sassy remark. “We’re going to take pictures at the mall with the cats.”

Kurapika nodded slowly, starting at Meatloaf as she growled in the carrier. “Uh huh…”

He turned to (Name) looking a little shy. “Can I come?”

“Oh hell no! This is a mother and son trip, no deadbeats allowed!”

“Killua!”

She folded her arms at the boy, frowning. “I know you’ve been excited for this, but there’s no reason he can’t tag along. You should be nice baby, it’s almost Christmas.”

Killua cursed under his breath, mumbling something about Kurapika ruining things before he sighed. “Whatever, but he can’t cling to you the whole time. It’s annoying.”

Kurapika glanced down to his arm wrapped around (Name)’s waist, and reluctantly pulled it away. “… I don’t… I don’t cling to her.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.”

(Name) held onto Kurapika’s hand, smiling softly. “I don’t mind it, Kurapika. I like that you want to be close to me.”

His cheeks erupted into a blush, and he could only nod, lightly squeezing her hand as they walked to the car.

Killua and (Name) sat for pictures, Cornbread in Killua’s lap and Meatloaf in (Name)’s. They both smiled, though Meatloaf spat and hissed at both Killua and the photographer. “Aww, these pictures are going to be so cute!”

Kurapika watched from behind the camera, peeking at the two. (Name) seemed so happy, and Kurapika found the way she held Meatloaf in her arms like a newborn baby quite cute.

“Can I… get in one of these pictures?”

Killua seemed personally offended by Kurapika’s question, scrunching up his face. “Um… are you a mother or a son to anyone here? No? Yeah, get back behind the camera. You might break the lens.”

(Name) gasped, pinching Killua’s cheek. “Killua, that’s way too mean, even for you! Come here Pika, I’ll take a picture with you.”

Killua grumbled, holding his cheek as he walked away with the cats. Kurapika raced towards (Name) quickly sitting next to her and pulling her close for a picture.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, taking the chance to lightly squish her hips before resting his hands on her stomach.

After the photos, the group got them developed and made their way home. “Aww, Killua, Meatloaf was looking at you in this one!”

“I think she wanted to eat me.”

(Name) glanced back at the cat, grimacing as it growled at Kurapika from its carrier. “Well… she’s got her muzzle on. You’re… probably safe.”

To be safe, (Name) carried Meatloaf in, cooing softly as she helped her out of the carrier. The cat purred in her arms, kneading at her Christmas sweater. “There, there, sweetheart. I know, it was a stressful day wasn’t it?”

She placed Meatloaf on the floor, Kurapika stepping out of the cat’s way. Over the past few months, he learned to avoid the cat to keep the peace.

They still had a few hours left until their date, so Kurapika locked himself in his room to get ready.

———————

“Oh… is that what you’re wearing?”

Kurapika frowned as Leorio inspected his clothes with a raised eyebrow. “I want to look nice, this is our first real date.”

“Yeah, but you’re going Christmas shopping, not ballroom dancing.”

The blonde had put on the tailored suit he got when shopping with Leorio and (Name) last week. “Haha, real funny. She said I looked handsome in this.”

“Kurapika, she thinks you look handsome in anything. I saw her blush when you came home covered in blood.”

A blush spread over Kurapika’s cheeks. “Really? I… think she looks gorgeous in anything. Or nothing.”

“Dude. Killua is right there.”

Killua stood by the door, holding his overnight bag with a horrified look on his face. He wordlessly backed away and walked back towards his room. They could hear Alluka questioning him about his disturbed expression.

“Ahh… I didn’t see him there.”

“Clearly.”

The blonde combed his hair, looking at himself in the mirror. Since he’d been living with (Name), the dark circles under his eyes had grown smaller, and his hair was much softer and healthier. Although it was still long, she’s given him a trim last month to get rid of any split ends.

Kurapika was still insecure, though. He was awfully pale, and still thinner than he was “supposed” to be. His old suit hadn’t only been torn and bloody, it had also been slightly baggy on him. He was still trying to take better care of himself, and (Name) sure was helping by making sure he ate three scare meals a day, along with snacks. He had gained a few pounds, finally able to wear some of his clothes without them sagging as badly.

He didn’t think he looked very handsome, but the memory of (Name)’s words made his face flush again. Maybe it was okay if he struggled to see his own self worth. He had her. That was enough, right?

The blonde stepped out of his room, standing in the living room. “(Name), I’m ready.”

“Coming!”

He heard the jingling of her keychains as she came running downstairs, the smell of her perfume the second thing he noticed.

The third thing he noticed was that she was wearing the cardigan she wore during the Hunter Exam and a pair of jeans.

(Name) was smiling as she reached the final step, although she looked a little confused at his formal getup. “Pika, sweetheart, you do know we’re going shopping, right? Wouldn’t you rather be comfortable?”

He blushed, looking down at himself. Kurapika could imagine getting sweaty, or having sore feet after wearing his nice shoes all day. “Yeah, you’re right (Name)…”

Kurapika sulked back to his bedroom, (Name) following behind. He only noticed when he turned to close the door, seeing her standing right in front of him. “(N-Name)? What-“

She shushed him, sitting him on the bed. “I’ll find you something to wear, okay? Just sit there looking pretty for me.”

His face turned bright red as she rummage through his closet, the blonde unable to speak. His cock grew hard at her compliments, and he cursed his body for being so sensitive when it came to her.

“Hmm…”

She took out a light, peach colored sweater and some gray jeans. “This with your coat should be good. Come here…”

She stood in front of him, cupping his cheeks teasingly before moving her hands down to his tie, undoing it. Kurapika felt his entire body heat up, the bulge in his pants growing. “W-what are you doing!?”

“I’m helping you get ready for our date, Pika. I have to make sure you’re nice and comfortable, don’t I?”

As she spoke, she began unbuttoning his shirt, her hands slipping beneath the white fabric to caress his chest. “Oh, angel…”

His voice was soft and affectionate, with a tinge of lust underlying his words. Kurapika’s hands met hers, holding them gently. “If I let you do that, we may not make it to our date. I won’t be able to control myself.”

With a kiss to her forehead, Kurapika sent her away. “Wait for me outside, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

(Name) waited for him in the van, her cheeks warm and a fond smile on her face. ‘Maybe… he really does like me.’

————————

The two arrived at the mall right on time. Kurapika ran to open her door for her, his cheeks a soft pink as he helped her out. “Oh, what a gentleman. Thank you, Pika.”

He looked away, keeping a soft grip on her hand. “… you’re welcome, (Name).”

The mall was crowded more than usual, but not as bad as when they went on their midnight trip last week. Even so, Kurapika kept a protective arm around her waist as they walked through the mall.

“So, where should we start first?”

(Name) hummed, pulling out her shopping list. “Well, why don’t we start with getting the supplies to make ornaments?”

Kurapika paused, a warm and fuzzy feeling taking over his body. “That’s… a great place to start.”

Kurapika guided her through the crowds of people to where they needed to go. (Name) looked around at the rows of Christmas decorations and ornaments, finally spotting some plain white and clear ornaments. “Ooo, we can paint these and place glitter or little objects in the clear ones!”

She held them up, giggling. Kurapika nodded, picking up a pack of clay and paint. “I’d like to hand make some as well… my people were artisanal, when we went into the outside world, we sold textiles and pottery, along with paintings.”

(Name) nodded, placing everything in the basket. “Okay, now just to get some glitter and other little things…”

Kurapika couldn’t help but feel excited about what the future held. He couldn’t wait to make ornaments again and have memories that he could build up again.

“Mmm… next is a big gift for Alluka…”

The spent a few hours shopping before they settled down to eat some cheap fast food at the food court. As Kurapika bit into his burger, he realized just how different the date Illumi and (Name) had to theirs.

Illumi took her to a fancy restaurant where they ate expensive food and wore nice clothes, while Kurapika and (Name) were dressed in jeans and sweaters as they wolfed down burgers and French Fries.

For a moment he almost felt a bit embarrassed. Maybe Illumi was better than him?

Then he saw (Name) smile and laugh, her eyes twinkling. She didn’t look at Illumi like that once during their date, and upon further reflection, Kurapika realized she looked pretty uncomfortable the entire time.

Now, with Kurapika, she smiled brightly and giggled, her chubby cheeks warm. She was happy to spend time with him, no matter where it was or what they were doing.

“You’re really cute, (Name). I don’t think I could ever get tired of hearing your laugh.”

She blushed, giving him that pretty smile of hers. “I could say the same about you, Pika. Hearing you laugh makes me feel so happy.”

He was caught off guard with how sincerely she stated that, causing his cheeks to redden. “O-oh… I… want you to be happy all the time, I guess I’ll try to laugh more often.”

The two looked at each other for a moment before they both bursted out in laughter, having to bend over and hold their stomachs. “P-Pika please, my tummy hurts, haha!”

“Sorry, sorry.”

She wiped a tear from her eye, leaning back in her chair. Kurapika thought she looked gorgeous like this, her face warm from laughter and her eyes bright. If he was being honest, he would find her beautiful in any circumstance, she was his angel, the one he loved more than anything.

“Mmm… I think we got everything on the list. How about we grab some hot chocolate and cookies then head home?”

“That sounds good to me, angel.”

As they picked up their hot chocolate and cookies, Kurapika quirked an eyebrow at (Name), peeling into the bag. “You only got enough for the two of us. You usually get some for Killua and Alluka too.”

(Name) smiled, grabbing the bag before holding onto his hand with her free one, giving it a gentle squeeze. “They went to stay with Leorio for the night. It’s just going to be us at the house.”

A chill went down his spine, and he was sure she noticed the he gulped as his cheek turned red again. “Is that so?”

She nodded, tugging him towards the mom van. “Mhm, just us. We can watch some Christmas movies and snuggle on the couch with no interruptions! Killua usually would come sit between us like some kind of chaperone!”

She said this with a playful huff. “It’s weird, he acts like you’re going to pounce on me or something.”

‘Ah, he’s not wrong to think that, honestly…’ Kurapika thought, looking away. The bulge in his pants had returned, and he was just glad to be wearing an oversized sweater.

‘The thing I said during the fall get together probably didn’t help anything…’

They got into the mom van and drove home, sipping on their hot chocolate and snacking on cookies.

———————

Kurapika carried in most of (Name)’s shopping bags, insisting that she just get the Christmas movie started while he placed them in her closet upstairs. When he came back downstairs, she was heading up. “I’m going to change into my pajamas! The movie is already starting, so you can get changed and we can meet back up!”

The blonde nodded, watching her hips as she ran up the stairs, tripping on the same step she always did. He had to bite his lip to prevent himself from laughing.

After getting into comfortable pajamas, the two sat on the couch together, a few feet apart. They were both nervous, the energy a bit different than it had been the other times they’d been together.

After about 10 minutes into the movie, (Name) scooted closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. Kurapika felt his heart pounding. She smelt so good, like hot chocolate and vanilla, along with her usual fruity perfume. It made him feel soft, and before he realized it, he had wrapped an arm around her to bring her closer.

“Mmm…”

He nearly whimpered when he felt her bury her face into his shoulder, her soft warm breath tickling his neck. “Pika…”

She planted a little kiss on his shoulder, her chubby cheek resting against him. “Can I… sit in your lap?”

Kurapika’s brain short circuited upon hearing her request, his face heating up to the point his entire face was now red. (Name) took his silence as him being uncomfortable with the question, and immediately pulled back. “N-never mind, I didn’t men’s t-“

She yelped when the blonde pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her plush frame. He rested his flustered face on her shoulder, trying to calm his breathing. “Please… just let me hold you. Stay…”

(Name) relaxed, returning the embrace. Her plump thighs were on either sides of his, her knees resting on the couch. He nearly shivered when she finally sat down completely, his hands falling to her hips to keep her in place.

It took Kurapika a moment to calm himself down, and when he did he looked up to see her gazing at him in a way that made his heart race. It was pure adoration and love, something he hadn’t experienced since he was a child. “(Name)…”

He cupped her cheek, his other hand lightly squeezing her hip. “You’re… everything to me.”

Her breath hitched, and they began leaning into each other. “Pika…”

When their lips met, he couldn’t help put pull her flush against him, feeling her breasts squish against his chest. “Mmm…”

His hands began to wander to her ass. Kurapika gave it a quick squeeze, making (Name) yelp. He took this as a chance to slip his tongue into her mouth, dancing with hers. She tasted sweet, like the hot chocolate and cookies they had earlier.

She could feel his bulge pressing into her, and she even lightly rocked her hips against him, causing him to moan into the kiss. His hands shot to her hips, helping to guide her over his bulge.

When they pulled away to breathe, his hands moved to her shirt, yanking it off. He nearly choked when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra, her soft breasts now on full display for him. “(Name)…”

He glanced up at her, the blondes eyes widening in surprise when she guided his hands to her chest, placing them over her ample breasts. “Please.”

Kurapika took in a shaky breath as he gave her breasts a light squeeze, his hands trembling lightly in excitement. They were softer than he could have ever imagined, and fit in his hands perfectly, almost like she was made just for him.

His thumbs brushed over his nipples, the blonde neatly shuddering when he felt them harden under his gentle touch. The little whimper that left her lips was enough to encourage the shy Kurta to continue.

He wanted to kiss every inch of her body, so before he knew it he was leaning forward to press his lips into her breast, his tongue lapping at her nipple. “M-Mmph, Pika!”

Her face was hot, and she could feel the wetness pooling between her thighs as he looked up at her with those scarlet eyes, his mouth latching around her nipple. His tongue danced around her sensitive nipple, his other hand lightly pinching and tweaking the other. “Gorgeous… you’re beautiful…”

After releasing her breast with a soft “pop” from his mouth, he moved to sucking on her neck, giving her little bites and licks. By the time he was done, (Name) was a panting mess and her neck was covered in love bites and hickeys. Kurapika was also feeling the heat, and he was sure she could feel his bulge pressing into her clothed pussy.

“I want you, (Name)…”

He stared up at her, his eyes a brilliant shade of scarlet, the unique shade only she got to see. No one else got to see Kurapika’s eyes like that, they only turned that specific shade when he was looking at the one he loved.

“I… I want you too, Pika… I need you.”

He had been waiting for this moment for so long, and now that he finally had her in his arms, the blonde almost get overwhelmed.

Kurapika had hurt her, more than once, and he never would have thought he would have a second chance at this thing called love, especially not with her. He didn’t deserve her, not one bit, but he was determined to have her. Maybe he was being selfish by loving her, but in that moment he didn’t care. Her body was pressed against his, and he wanted her more than anything.

He scooped her up in her arms, smiling a little when her thighs wrapped around his waist. “My room or yours?”

She buried her face into the crook of his neck, humming softly. “Doesn’t matter…”

Kurapika squeezed her thighs when she began nipping at his neck, her soft lips brushing against his jaw as he walked upstairs. “A-angel, please, ah!”

He bit his lip when she nibbled on his ear. The blonde hurried up the stairs, his body trembling from her kisses and nibbles.

He figured her room would be more familiar and therefore more comfortable for her, so he passed his room and made his way to hers,

The door was kicked open, and the two fell onto the bed, their lips meeting again in a flurry of kisses. He couldn’t keep his tongue out of her mouth, not when she tasted so sweet and felt so good.

He blushed when he felt her tugging at his shirt. Kurapika knew sex meant getting naked, but he couldn’t help but hesitate. He wasn’t exactly the most confident in his appearance, but with one look at (Name)’s lust filled eyes he was tearing off his shirt in a hurry, quickly moving to unbutton his pants.

She pulled him back in for another kiss, pulling his hips into hers, letting his clothed cock run against her clothed pussy. “F-fuck (Name)…”

He groaned, holding onto her hips as he moved against her. “Need these off, now…”

He yanked down her pants with shaky hands, making her whine softly when her soaked panties were exposed to him. She hid her face away in embarrassment and tried to close her legs, but he pried her thighs open.

Kurapika couldn’t speak, his heart running a millions miles a minute. He was so close to her wet heat that he could smell her arousal. His actions had caused this. His.

It was enough to make his cock twitch in excitement at what was to come. “Need it…”

His voice was hoarse, like a man that had been wandering through the desert for years on end. “Pika…”

She blushed as his thumbs hooked under her panties, giving him a little nod when he looked up at her. With her approval, he pulled them down, his breath hitching at the sight before him.

She was soaking wet, her pussy drooling, all because of him. He leans down, his face hovering above her cunt as she peeked at him through her hands. Feeling a surge of confidence, he met her eye as he leaned forward to press a soft kiss into her pussy, his tongue flicking out to lick her clit.

Her eyelashes fluttered as her hips rose to meet his lips, a whine leaving her lips. She was shy and needy, all in one, and Kurapika wasn’t the type to tease, especially when he wanted this just as much as she did.

Without further ado, he buried his face into her cunt, his mind going fuzzy when he got a good taste of her. “Mmm, mm…”

He was losing himself, letting out a moan when he felt her thighs squish his face.

“Ahh!”

Her hands shot out to tangle themselves in his hair, causing him took look up at her with hazy, pussy drunk eyes. Kurapika kept his tongue on her clit, remembering how she masturbated when he watched her.

She let out a whiny moan when he inserted a finger into her. The blonde’s eyes widened at just how tight she was. He’d done his research and knew that virgins were tight, but there was only so much a book could prepare him for. It didn’t prepare him for the way she bucked her hips into his face, of the way his body reacted to the taste of her pussy and the sound of her mewling moans.

“Pika, I’m mmph- close!”

He glanced back up at her, seeing just how hot her face was. She was looking down at him with half lidded eyes, her lips parted to pant in pleasure.

He wasn’t experienced at eating pussy, but (Name) was already so close to cumming. It made his chest swell with pride, and he added another finger to get her even closer to the edge, curling them just like Leorio said to.

This made her call out his name, her walls tightening around his fingers. “P-Pika, cumming!”

He could feel precum oozing from his tip as he lapped up her cum. In the future, he would take a lot more time between her legs, but right now, he needed her desperately.

Kurapika wiped his mouth before moving up her body to get a good look at her post-orgasm face. It was quite the sight to behold, and he was amazed that he was able to cause it.

“You taste amazing…”

She blushed, burying her face in his shoulder. He could tell she was a bit nervous at what was to come by the way her thighs tremble around his hips. “(Name)…”

He cupped her cheek, brushing away a tear that fell down her cheek. Kurapika felt his heart drop. Had he been too pushy? Was she crying because of him? Seeing her cry made his protective instincts flare up, and he was quick to attempt to soothe her.

“We don’t have to keep going if you’re scared, (Name). I’ll stop the second you tell me to, angel.”

She shook her head, her hands going to his boxers to lightly tug at them. “N-no, I want you… I’m just nervous.”

He laughed, resting his forehead against hers. “Me too.”

They shared a smile before Kurapika kissed her again. It was a lot gentler this time, with light caresses and touches as their lips locked. He wanted her to feel safe and loved. Kurapika loved her more than anything after all, and he wanted their first time together to be special. He couldn’t say he loved her through words yet, but maybe he could say it through his actions.

“You’re gorgeous…” he said softly, his hands running over the sides of her body, past her chubby tummy and plump hips, resting on her plush thighs. Her soft flesh turned him on more than he cared to admit.

With a few more tugs, his underwear was off, and (Name) caught a glimpse of his cock for the first time. She had jerked him off before, but hadn’t actually see it since his dick since it was in his underwear, but now it was on full display for her.

He seemed nervous when she stared, only relaxing when she reached out to touch it. His breath hitched, a groan leaving his lips as she stroked him lightly. “Pretty…”

His cheeks flushed at the compliment, and he quickly but gently pushed her hand away. “I-If you keep that I’m going to cum…”

She giggled, pulling him forward his tip brushed against her folds. “Then let’s get started, Pika. Just… be gentle, please…”

He nodded quickly, his fingers interlocking with hers as he looked down. Kurapika bit his lip as his cock prodded at her pussy, the feeling of her juices coating his tip enough to make him cum. It was all he could do to hold back, the blonde glancing up at her again for permission as he positioned his cock at her entrance.

“Are you ready, (Name)?”

She nodded, kissing his cheek. “I am… I’ve wanted this for so long…”

Kurapika stared down at her with those scarlet eyes of his, his cheeks a dark red. “I need you… I’ve needed you my whole life.”

He touched her forehead to his as his cock sunk into her inch by inch. He didn’t mind that she was gripping his hand too hard or that she was whining softly. “I know, angel… shh…”

Whne tears of pain beaded in her eyes, he kissed them away, pushing his own pleasure away to tend to her. Even though she was squeezing his cock so deliciously, he pushed in slowly. He wanted to pound into her, to watch her breasts bounce as he fucked into her, but he wouldn’t. Not tonight.

When he bottomed out, he kept a hand on her tummy, pressing kisses into her neck and cheeks. “F-fuck… doing so good, angel.”

His inexperience was starting to show with the way his chest rose and fell, a soft panting leaving his lips. “M-Mmph, (Name)…”

It was arousing to see how his body was reacting to hers, the way she watched his eyes get hazy and his cheeks go red. Those scarlet eyes were proof of how strongly he was feeling, and she wanted to believe it wasn’t just lust. “Pika…”

The both leaned into each other, their noses brushing against each others tenderly. “I love you…”

This was said tenderly, her voice soft as she looked up at him. He felt his eyes widen and she could feel his cock twitch inside of her. She said she loved him before, and even though he’d heard her say it in a romantic way before, this felt different. She loved him, in the way lovers do. Sexually, romantically, all of it, she wanted him in every way she could have him. It made him want to cry, he had never been loved in this way before.

To be desired and needed in such a way was something Kurapika never though he would experience, and the blonde choked up, tears falling down his cheeks. “(Name)… oh angel…”

Kurapika peppered kisses along her neck and jaw, his fingers sinking into the fat of her thighs. “Pretty… so pretty…”

She whimpered, pulling his attention back to her face. With a light bucking of her hips, she signaled exactly what she wanted.

He took a deep before lightly pulling out before pushing back in, the mewl that left her lips making his hips stutter. Kurapika wanted to hear that pretty sound over and over, so he began thrusting in and out, keeping his hand over her tummy.

That thought he’d been trying to push away came back to his mind as her pussy clenched around him. The image of her with a little baby bump, smiling and laughing as held each other close. It was enough to make precum leak into her from his needy cock.

‘W-wanna… wanna…’

He moved faster, holding her legs over his shoulders as his instinct took over. Kurapika watched as his cock sunk into her, biting his lip.

‘Wanna get her pregnant…’

“Pika.. f-fuck, gonna-!”

He shuddered, feeling her walls flutter around him. “M-me too, angel… let’s cum together…”

Kurapika didn’t want it to end so soon, but he knew they wouldn’t last long with them both being inexperienced virgins, so he let go, the last thought he had before cumming being the desire to impregnate her.

His eyes squeezed shut and he groaned, pounding into her pussy as they came together. She whimpered at the filling of his cum filling her up, painting her walls white. Even after he finished cumming, it took him a moment to stop. Thrusting in and out of her felt so fucking good, he never wanted to stop, but he knew he had to. One look at her exhausted face was enough to calm his racing heart.

The blonde gave her a tired smile, leaning down to kiss all over her face before he pulled out. He wanted to stay inside of her, his instincts telling him to plug her up so his seed could stay inside of her, but his need for comfort and snuggles outweighed that.

He laid on his side and pulled her to his chest, his body feeling hot and tired, but good at the same time. The room smelled of sex and (Name)’s signature perfume, making him relax.

As his mind cleared of his post-orgasm haze, his mind drifted back to the thoughts of getting her pregnant. He came inside her, that meant it was a possibility, wasn’t it? The more he thought of it, the more his heartbeat picked up. He couldn’t think of anyone better to rebuild the Kurta clan with.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt her tremble in his arms, the blonde picking up the unease and fear in her aura.

When he felt her chest begin to shake with sobs, he pulled her closer, his hands shaking as he cupped her cheeks. “Angel, what’s wrong? Was I too rough? Are you hurt?”

A chill ran down his back when she clung to him, her face burying itself in his chest. This wasn’t an embrace, this was a desperate attempt to keep him close to her. “Please… please don’t leave me… I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me again…”

It only took him a moment to realize why she was so upset, and his blood ran cold to think this was all his fault. He had traumatized her to the point she was terrified that once he had his way with her, he’d abandoned her, like she was nothing.

Had he really been so cruel that she believed he would use her body then abandon her? Kurapika held onto her so tightly it was almost painful.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Tears welled up in his eyes. He’d done this, he made the love of his life tremble in fear at the thought of him leaving her again.

All he could do was whisper apologies into her ear as he rocked her, trying his best to soothe and comfort (Name). “I can’t… I can’t live without you, Pika… promise me… promise me you’ll never leave me again…”

She finally looked up at him, her eyes a bit puffy from crying. He paused, his hand reaching up to wipe away her tears.

Was he really okay with staying with her? He didn’t want to become soft, to lose his anger and hatred, and if he stayed with her that might happen.

Kurapika brought her in closer to pepper her face in kisses, unable to stop as tears fell down his own cheeks. He loved her, but his mission would always come first.

“… I promise.”

She finally relaxed, laying her head on his chest. “Mmm… I’m so happy, Pika… I want…”

Her eyelids began to droop, her hands playing with his hair. “I want to stay… with you forever…”

As she fell asleep in his arms, Kurapika hoped that he would be able to keep that promise. A sinking feeling in his chest told him that if he didn’t, there would be no second chances, just heartache.

———————

(Name) woke up early the next morning, giggling to herself when Kurapika grumbled at her attempts to move. “Stay…”

His face was buried in her neck, his hand reaching around her to trail down her tummy to her pussy. She squirmed a little, feeling his cock slip between her thighs. “Pika, what do you mmph~! Think you’re doing?”

Kurapika kissed along her neck, gently sucking on her most sensitive spots. “It’s warm…”

She let out a shaky breath when he pushed into her wet cunt, feeling his fingers rub at her clit as he thrusted in and out lazily, his hot breath on her neck. “So good… you feel so good…”

His free hand groped at her chest, as if he just couldn’t touch her enough. Kurapika wanted his hands all over her, to touch and kiss every inch of her body. She whimpered, lightly watching her back, turning her head to capture his lips in a sloppy kiss.

It didn’t take long for them to cum, the blonde groaning in her mouth as she filled him up. “That’s my angel… such a good girl…”

He hummed in contentment, nuzzling his face into her neck before pulling her closer. “All mine…”

She squirmed a little, giving his cheek a quick peck before she wiggled away. He began to whine again, but she stopped him with a gentle boop to his nose. “Killua, Alluka, and Leorio will be here within an hour. Leorio’s staying over to decorate ornaments for us, so we both have to be showered and dressed before they get here.”

Kurapika pouted at her, his face falling onto her lap. “Just five more minutes… it feels nice to be snugged up with you…”

She smiled softly, gently brushing his hair out of his face. “I’d like that too, Pika, but not right now. How about…”

She hummed, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “How about we snuggle up and watch Christmas movies with everyone later? How does that sound?”

Although he would prefer to snuggle with her alone, he wouldn’t turn her affections down. “I’m okay with that…”

The two separated, much to Kurapika’s annoyance. All he wanted to do was be stuck to her side like glue, but she was busy. He felt a little bad and a bit hypocritical due to calling her a stalker in York New all those years ago. Now he was following her around like a lovesick puppy… he was whipped.

After they both showered and dressed, Kurapika helped (Name) set out the Christmas ornament decorating station. Kurapika even had his own space for molding clay, along with tools and paint. He seemed about ready to dig in, but refrained from doing so until the others got there.

It was nearly noon by the time the others got there. Leorio came holding two boxes of pizza, smiling. “Hey sunshine, I brought lunch.”

“Oh, thank you Leorio!”

She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck on his cheek, causing the blonde to huff in annoyance. Kurapika didn’t like how affectionate she was with other men, despite the fact he hadn’t even asked her to be his girlfriend yet. He seemed to believe she already belonged to him.

Killua looked at Kurapika, his eyes narrowing. He didn’t like the satisfied, love-dovey look on Kurapika’s face one bit. It made him… suspicious. Especially after Kurapika’s words during the fall get together…

As the group gathered around the table to start eating, Killua pulled Kurapika aside. “Kurapika.”

Kurapika blinked. It wasn’t often Killua used his actual name, so he looked at him. “… yes, Killua?”

“… don’t get her pregnant.”

And with that, Killua walked away to eat with the others, leaving Kurapika a blushing, stuttering mess.

———————

“If you use this tool, you can create a nice texture…”

“Ooh, Pika that’s so neat!”

Kurapika had (Name) perched in his lap, his hands on hers as he helped her mold the clay into little Christmas themed shapes, like gingerbread cookies and trees. The entire group was having so much fun, with Alluka and Nanika switching out to paint their own little glass ornaments.

“You’re a natural, (Name). My father would have loved to have your help with his work.”

(Name) felt her face warm up, melting at the heartfelt compliment. Kurapika mentioned his family less than he mentioned his clan, so it was a compliment of the highest honor.

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun! You said your mom taught you how to sew, right? I bet they would have kept me busy!”

Kurapika laughed at that, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Yeah, I bet they would have loved you.”

He gave her shoulder a kiss before moving the clay over to a baking sheet. “Alright, angel. Let’s get these to the oven. After, we can paint them together.”

She stood up then helped him stand, giggling when he leaned against her. “You may have to carry me (Name), I think my legs fell asleep…” he purred, his cheek nuzzling against hers.

“Oh really? Maybe you won’t be able to come see the Christmas light with us then~”

Kurapika grumbled, standing up on his own. “You’re no fun, (Name).”

She laughed, bumping her hip against his. “Mmm, maybe, but I know my stuff. Come on…”

After decorating ornaments, they decorated the tree with them. Leorio was kind enough to place the star at the top, the group looking on in wonder as they saw the fully decorated tree.

“It’s really nice…” Kurapika said, pulling (Name) close to him. He had a soft, nostalgic smile on his face, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

“It is, I’m glad you got to do this with us, Kurapika.”

The two shared a kiss, causing Killua to gag and Alluka to “ooo”. Leorio laughed and rolled his eyes. “Okay lovebirds, we should go see the lights soon, it’s dark out.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, already.”

The group separated, getting dressed for the occasion. Kurapika sighed dreamily as (Name) walked down in a simple Christmas sweater and jeans. Honestly she could walk down in a potato sack and he’d still get flustered, she looked good in pretty much anything she wore.

“Oh wow, you look nice Pika!”

She looked over his nice red turtleneck and black slacks, nodding in approval. “You look cute yourself, (Name).”

She beamed at him, grabbing the arm he offered with a laugh. “Aren’t you a charmer? Let’s get the cat warmed up, it’s freezing out there!”

The group rode in the car to see the Christmas lights, munching on cookies and hot chocolate (Name) prepared before they left. “These are good, mama!”

Nanika was present at the moment, munching on a cookie. Killua seemed to be pouting over this. “Why does Alluka get more cookies? It’s not fair!”

“Well, Alluka has Nanika with her, it’s only fair they both get the same as everyone else!”

“Mom, they share the same vessel! It’s-“

Nanika buried her face in (Name)’s chest, whining. “Big brother is being mean to me…”

Killua started stuttering out an apology as Nanika and (Name) giggled. Kurapika glanced at them through the rearview mirror, his cheeks a soft pink.

“Take the next left, and it should be right there.”

Leorio was looking at his phone, calling out directions to Kurapika. The tall man had some spiked hot chocolate before he left and (Name) didn’t like driving long distances, so that left Kurapika behind the wheel.

He put the car into park outside of the the place, glancing around at the lights with a wonderstruck face. Kurapika had heard about Christmas lights before, and he even helped Leorio put some up at (Name)’s house a week ago, but he’d never seen anything like this.

Pairo had always wanted to see the big parks full of lights after he read about it in a book.

“Even with my failing vision, I’d still be able to see the lights! We should go see them someday, Kurapika!”

“Yeah, I promise I’ll take you one day!”

“Will you hold my hand so I don’t trip?”

“Haha, I’m sure I will have found you a doctor to help your condition by then, but I’ll still hold you hand. You’re a bit clumsy regardless.”

“Hehe, I guess I am!”

Kurapika stayed frozen near the gate, a hand over his heart as memories of old broken promises plagued his mind.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a hand taking his own, giving him a light squeeze. “Are you alright, Pika?”

Kurapika smiled, letting the tears fall down his cheeks. “Yeah… yeah I’m fine. I just… remembered that I had promised Pairo I’d take him to see the Christmas lights one day. I… never got to.”

(Name) pulled him a little closer, leaning her head against his shoulder. “… you carry him in your heart, Kurapika. He’s here with us, even if he isn’t physically. Can’t you feel it?”

The blonde paused, his eyes going wide. There was a certain feeling in the air, nostalgic and familiar. “I do… I do feel it.”

She smiled, laughing when he hugged her a little tighter. “I think… he’s happy I have you now.”

The others watched with smiles on their faces, even Killua. As they walked into the park, Kurapika felt truly at peace for the first time since he lost his clan. It felt like his friend was right next to him, experiencing each new sight Kurapika did. If there was an afterlife like Kurapika believed, he hopes Pairo could see all the sweet parts of life through his eyes.

Alluka and Killua played in the snow as Kurapika and (Name) gazed at the lights in wonder. “Oh wow, these ones are linked to a radio station! They blink in time with the music!”

They walked through a tunnel of lights, pausing to look at each other. To Kurapika, (Name)’s figure lit up by the soft lights above made her look beautiful. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, each part of her had his heart thumping away madly.

He leaned in for a kiss, cupping her cheeks, but stoped short when her phone buzzed in her pocket. The both seemed irritated by the interruption, but Kurapika gave her a patient smile. “Go ahead, I’ll still be here.”

(Name) giggles, walking away to take the call. He waited, watching as her face fell.

She walked back a moment later, looking simultaneously pissed and worried. “Is something wrong, angel?”

The woman groaned, leaning against him. “My boss called, he said there’s a natural disaster that needs clean up and rescue efforts, and he needs me to into work. My nen is very useful when it comes to both healing others and getting rid of debris.”

Kurapika pulled her in closer, his face scrunching up. “… how long will you be gone?”

“About a week, which means I’ll be home a few days before Christmas Eve. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind helping others, but it sucks going into work during the Christmas season… but…”

She texted Leorio, who said he would call her a taxi. “I have to remember that these people are experiencing these natural disasters during the holidays. My family is happy and safer, theirs aren’t.”

Kurapika was always surprised by her unending compassion and care for complete strangers. He nodded, cupping her cheek tenderly. “Do you want me to come with you? I don’t want you to go alone a-“

“No, I need someone that can stay at the house. Leorio has classes so he can’t always be around to help, you’ll need to take care of the kids while I’m gone.”

Kurapika frowned at that, but he couldn’t help feeling a small iota of pride at her trust in him. Killua was her baby, something she made clear, so to put him in Kurapika’s care meant she thought he was worthy enough.

“I won’t even have time to pack, I’ll just have to wear my work uniform and buy clothes there…”

She began walking towards the gate, texting numerous people on her phone as Kurapika followed. “You’re leaving now? I was hoping we’d have more time together…”

The knowledge that she’d be leaving for an entire week was starting to sink in, making the blonde feel extra clingy and needy. He held onto her hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss it. “I’ll miss you…”

She turned back to smile, embracing him as tight as she could manage. “I’ll miss you too, Pika. I love you…”

She gave his lips a soft peck, waiting a moment before sighing softly. “… I’ll see you next week then, take care.”

His face dropped as she turned, a soft look of sadness taking just his features. He could tell she was a little upset he hadn’t said he loved her back. Kurapika couldn’t blame her, not one bit. He wanted to say it, he wanted to scream it from the rooftops that she was only one for him, but he just couldn’t.

It wasn’t good, and would hurt them both later on if he couldn’t man up and say it.

The blonde sighed, watching her get in the taxi before he turned to join the others, the spark of excitement over the Christmas lights gone.

At the time, he didn’t realize that she was that spark, that person that allowed him to feel childlike wonder again.

And he might end up taking that effect she had on him for granted.

———————

The week (Name) was gone was hell for Kurapika. The kids misbehaved, the cats kept getting into trouble, and Leorio was too busy with college to help him most of the time.

But most of all, the thing that hurt Kurapika the most was the debilitating loneliness he felt with (Name)’s absence. He had gotten so used to her presence, that he could barely function when she wasn’t around. He stumbled through his routine, waking up early to feed the kids, working to find clues about the scarlet eyes or phantom troupe on his laptop, making lunch, going back to work, making dinner, then passing out after.

“You’re like a soggy cat!” Alluka said, watching as Kurapika slumped on the couch, his laptop on the coffee table. “You miss (Name) so much that you haven’t smiled or laughed once since she’s been gone! Not even at my puppet show.”

“Your puppet show was about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.”

“I thought it was hilarious!” Killua chimed in, jumping over the couch to sit down next to Kurapika. “But she’s right, it hasn’t even been fun to tease you lately.”

Kurapika frowned at that, shutting his laptop. “It’s really none of your business how I feel. She’s important to me, of course I wouldn’t be frolicking around when she’s gone.”

Killua raised an eyebrow at the blonde. “Hey, she’s important to me too, but I can function on my own. I know she’ll be fine.”

“But what if she isn’t? Have you ever had someone you loved die? I worry that she could be in horrible danger every day…”

Killua went quiet, staring at Kurapika as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t. “… she’ll be fine. I… I know she will be. She promised me she would never…”

He clamped his mouth shut, his eyes staring at the floor as Kurapika looked up from his laptop. “She promised you what?”

Killua shook his head and grabbed Alluka’s hand. “Nothing. Let’s go, we need to clean up our rooms before mom gets home.”

Kurapika had a sinking feeling that whatever Killua was talking about had something to do with the Chimera Ant Incident.

He would find out what happened eventually, but at what cost? Now, he didn’t know just how much damage the truth would cause.

They say curiosity killed the cat, and Kurapika had always been the curious type.

————————

It was 3 days before Christmas Eve, and (Name) was supposed to be home at any minute. There had been radio silence on her end the past two days, filling Kurapika with worry.

“What if she got hurt? Someone could have taken her phone and used it to say she’s fine before throwing it away!”

“Kurapika, she sent us a picture of herself two days ago.”

“… it could have been edited.”

Killua groaned, rolling his eyes. “She’s fine, blondie. You worry too much, she’s going to feel smothered by you.”

A knock at the door had them all jumping up. “Mom?” “Angel!” “Big sis?”

They ran to the door, Kurapika throwing it open to reveal (Name) behind it. Before they could all throw their arms around her, they noticed how she swayed slightly, the bags under her eyes now visible, along with the tired look on her face.

“I’m home… please… call Leorio…”

With that, she fell into Kurapika’s arms, the blonde neatly vomiting when he saw his hands coated in blood. There was a large patch of blood seeping through the back of her shirt.

Killua pulled Alluka away so she didn’t see, though he was panicking himself, he wanted to make sure his little sister didn’t have to see (Name) in this state. As he dialed Leorio’s number, Killua ushered Alluka to her room. “Go play on my switch, I’ll come get you in a minute, okay?”

Kurapika laid her on the couch, tearing off her shirt to reveal her bandages torso. When he turned her on her side, he spotted where the blood was coming from.

There seemed to be some kind of wound on her back, a fact that infuriated Kurapika. Someone attacked her while she had her back turned, and he hadn’t been there to watch over her. He felt utter shame and disgust at himself for being selfish the entire week, pouting over her absence while she was out risking her life to help others.

Leorio threw open the front door, his eyes scanning the room before he spotted (Name). Killua had crouched down next to her, tears running down his cheeks as he pushed her hair out of his face.

“(Name), Killua…”

The man kneeled down in front of her, his hand grazing over her wound. “Fuck, (Name), what happened to you?”

She shivered, sweat beading down her forehead as she struggled to speak. “Someone… who lost their family… took it out on me. He was angry… that I couldn’t… save them… I… didn’t press charges.”

Kurapika nearly crushed the coffee table with his grip. “He hurt you, (Name), why the hell did you let him get away like that? I don’t care who he lost, he doesn’t have the right to…”

He froze, a sudden chill running down his back. “He… didn’t have the right to hurt you. Not even if he was angry.”

Leorio held his hands over her back, focusing his nen on her injury as the group stayed quiet.

‘I’m a complete hypocrite. I’ve hurt her out of anger, for the sake of my anger… how can I even begin to lecture her?’

As Leorio worker his nen, her breathing slowed down. She finally relaxed once her wound healed up, giving them all a tired smile. “I’m sorry I took so long… I had so many plans for the Christmas season, but… I’m going you way too tired to do anything but rest the next few days…”

“No, no don’t you ever apologize for that, (Name). You’ve done more than enough.” Kurapika said, cupping her cheek. “This Christmas season has been the best I’ve ever had, all thanks to you.”

She sniffled, wiping away her tears before sitting up with Leorio’s help. “Thank you… I still want to cook a nice dinner for Christmas, it just… won’t be as grand as I hoped…”

Kurapika kissed her forehead, pulling her close. “As long as I have you, I don’t care. You’re all I need to be happy…”

She blushed, giving him a peck on his lips. “Could you help me upstairs? I don’t think I can do it myself…”

He nodded, scooping her up easily. “Of course. Come here, angel.”

Leorio and Killua watched as he carried her upstairs, before the man pulled Killua close. “Hey bud, she’s going to be okay. This isn’t like last time, you don’t have to worry.”

Killua was a mess, anxiety pulsing through his veins. “It’s hard… it’s hard not to worry. I can’t… I can’t lose her again. She’s my mom, I…”

Leorio patted his back. “I know, bud. I know…”

Kurapika placed (Name) on her bed, covering her up with her comforter. “Is that better, angel?”

She smiled, gently tugging at his sleeve. “It would be better if you were with me.”

She lifted the blanket, and he happily joined her, his cheeks turning pink as he buried his face into her neck. He felt just a little pathetic at how excited her got when he smelled her perfume again for the first time in a week, but that faded away when she nuzzled her nose against his.

“I’m so happy… that you stayed…”

Kurapika paused, his eyes widening a bit. “Did you… think I was going to leave while you were gone?”

She looked away for a moment, then nodded slightly. “… yes. I did.”

He felt hurt, but he couldn’t blame her for feeling the way she did. After his fight with Uvogin, he abandoned her as soon as he woke up, leaving her all alone. After that, he attempted to push her away, leading to their separation.

“I’ll never leave you… never…”

She sighed in contentment, giving him a soft kiss. “Thank you…”

The two fell asleep, the blonde keeping a protective hold over her, as if to protect her even if her dreams.

—————————

Christmas Eve arrived, and (Name) was finally feeling good enough to get to work. She delegated chores, giving Kurapika and Leorio the grocery list, then having Alluka and Killua tidy up the living room as she did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.

Before long, the house was sparkling clean. “This looks great guys, I’m sure Santa will be very happy when he comes down the chimney tonight!”

Alluka jumped up and down in joy, nearly spilling her hot chocolate. “I’m so excited, I can’t wait for Santa to come!”

Killua took her cup, laughing. “Well I can’t wait to open presents. Mom, we still get to open two each tonight, right?”

(Name) nodded, giving both of their foreheads a kiss. “Yep! Tonight we’ll eat dinners, open gifts, then bake cookies for Santa.”

She started cooking as soon as Leorio and Kurapika got back with groceries. Within a few hours, dinner was ready and the kids were getting restless. They all ate quickly, too excited to open presents and bake.

“Okay, we’ll open gifts youngest to oldest. Alluka, you’re up first.”

They kids opened their gifts, smiling. “Ooo, new hair clips! Thank you (Name)!”

Killua was too busy putting on his new shoes to try them out to speak, his face lit up light a Christmas tree. Kurapika frowned when (Name) handed him his present, remembering that he was younger than her.

“This is from me!”

She smiled, watching as he looked over the small box in his hands. “I also got you something to open tomorrow, so you have two gifts!”

Kurapika blushed at that. He had only gotten her the one gift, and now he felt a little bad that she wouldn’t have anything from him to open tomorrow. “Th-thank you, one gift would have been enough, I promise…”

He carefully unwrapped the paper, careful not to tear it. Once unwrapped, his eyes widened, his eyes going wide with shock.

“This… is an ornament made by the Kurta people…”

Tears fell down his cheeks as he lifted it from its packaging. “Yes, I found it while I was gone on my job. Some flesh collector was selling it, but I didn’t feel good giving someone like that money, so I stole it. You’re the rightful owner, after all. You can choose what to do with it.”

He held the little ornament in the air, watching the gold paint glitter in the light. When he turned it around, he nearly dropped it in surprise.

“Oh my god…”

‘Pairo, 4’ was written in Kurtan on the back, confirming that it was a genuine Kurta ornament, but also made by Kurapika’s childhood friend. He couldn’t contain his sobs, holding the little trinket to his chest.

“Pika…”

(Name) wrapped her arms around him, letting the blonde cry into her chest. “Thank you… you don’t understand what you’ve given me, (Name)… I couldn’t ask for a better gift…”

Once he was okay enough to let her go, (Name) opened her gifts from Alluka, Leorio, and Killua.

Alluka got her new fuzzy socks with her favorite Sanrio character on them, Killua got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant, and Leorio got her a plush of her favorite anime character. She hugged them all, giggling as she placed all of her gifts in a small basket that she would carry upstairs. “These are amazing, thank you so much!”

Killua hugged her tightly, then looked away shyly. “I have another gift for you…”

(Name) tilted her head as Killua reached behind the Christmas tree, hanging her a gift bag. “Open it.”

She opened the bag, pulling her present out of the bag and looking at it, tears ending at corner of her eyes as she pulled him into a hug. “Oh, Killua…”

She held a mug in her hand, that had the words “World’s Best Mom” on the front. “You really are the best mom… you kind of… saved me.”

(Name) choked up, giving his forehead a kiss. “No, baby, you saved me.”

After a long hug, Killua squirmed away to stand off to the side, his face red. Expressing gratitude and love wasn’t easy for him, and (Name) knew that. “Okay, Leorio it’s your turn!”

(Name) handed him a gift, smiling. “This one is from Killua and Alluka!”

“Ahh, thanks guys. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

He took the wrapped present, holding it in his hands with barely contained excitement. Leorio was almost more into unwrapping presents than Killua and Alluka were.

He unwrapped it quickly and held up a blue tshirt with white lettering on it. It read “Med School Student”.

“It’s awful, I love it.”

Leorio pulled off the sweater he had on and put the tshirt on in its place. It was a little tight, clinging to his pectoral muscles, but it fit well enough. “Oh wow, you really are a stud!”

The group laughed, and they all gathered in the kitchen to make cookies for Santa. Alluka helped make the dough with (Name) as the boys mixed the icing. Kurapika, who seemed to be clumsy any time he tried to impress (Name), was forced to wash the cookie cutters instead.

“I don’t think there’s any way I could mess up icing…” Kurapika mumbled, drying off the icing. (Name) leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“Mmm, don’t jinx us, Pika.”

His cheeks flushed at her affection, causing him to lean into her. “I think I’ll be okay if I get another kiss.”

“Oh really?”

She laughed, pulling him in for a kiss, her lips tasting like sugar cookies. He wrapped his arms around her, letting his tongue flick out to taste her. “Mmph-! Okay Pika, that’s enough. The kids are right there,” she whispered, pulling away.

(Name) and Alluka laid out the dough, and with some help from the others, they made cookies. It was a lot of fun, and even though they all ended up covered in flour and dough, they all laughed. “I’m glad I didn’t have you all change into the matching pajamas yet, that would have been a disaster!”

She helped clean off Alluka and Killua’s faces before putting the cookies in the oven. “There we go, let’s get this mess cleaned up while they cook.

(Name) stood at the counter, wiping it down. It wasn’t every day she allowed her friends to help her this much, and she was realizing just how much easier life was when she let them take a bit of the weight off her shoulders. Instead of taking an hour to clean up the mess, it only took 10 minutes, the cookies being done right when they got done.

“Okay, they’ll need to cook off for a few minutes.”

Kurapika nodded, looking over their little cookies. Some were a bit lopsided and crooked, but he adored each and every one of them. He tried not to laugh at Leorio’s crude attempt at making a stethoscope. It looked more like the head of an elephant, but Leorio still seemed proud. “Oh, my cookie came out good!”

After they cooled down, everyone decorated and ate cookies. (Name) snatched up a few to keep for “Santa” before they could be devoured. “Alright guys, don’t forget who we made this for!”

She pinched Nanika and Killua’s cheek. Nanika was more of the artistic type, while Alluka preferred baking over decorating. “Sorry mama, they’re good!”

Kurapika sat, hunched over his own cookies. (Name) attempted to peek over his shoulder, but she was quickly swatted away. “Hey, no peeking, and get out of the light!”

(Name) snickered. “Oh my, so sorry Kurapika.”

She moved on to look at Leorio’s cookies, humming softly. “It’s… unique.”

“It’s ugly.”

“No, no it’s not!”

Leorio looked over his attempt at a stethoscope. They didn’t have silver so he had to use green, making it look more like a tree with vines than a stethoscope. “It’s cute, and it looks tasty.”

Kurapika cleared his throat to catch (Name)’s attention, and she smiled softly. “Can I see them now?”

He nodded, holding out the plate for her inspection. It was two gingerbread men, one with yellow hair and the other with (h/c) hair. “I uh… I made us. And we’re holding hands…”

She blushed, her fingers tips grazing the Kurapika cookie. “This is too cute…”

A phone was whipped out of her pocket in a split second, Kurapika blinking when she neatly blinded him with the flash. “There, now we can eat them!”

After they all feasted on cookies, they all slumped on the couch. (Name) was sitting on Kurapika’s lap, the blond rubbing circles into her tummy. “Ughh I think I ate too many cookies.”

He hummed softly, and at the moment he reminded her of a satisfied cat. His hands kneaded at her soft flesh as he held her close, his face buried in her neck.

“Mom can you make him stop? I’m gonna get sick,” Killua said with a groan. He was sprawled out on the floor as Alluka patted his back.

“Don’t be mean, Killua. He’s helping me feel better.”

She sighed, getting comfortable in Kurapika’s lap before selecting a Christmas movie for them to watch before they went to bed. Occasionally Leorio leaned closer to the two, getting some snuggles from (Name) before she was pulled back into Kurapika’s embrace. “Stingy!”

Kurapika stuck his tongue out at Leorio. “Maybe, but I’m stingy with what’s mine.”

(Name) blushed, her face buried in his shoulder. Was she really his? He wanted her to belong with him and stay by his side?

All she could hope is that he was hers too, and that he would stick by her as well.

The Christmas movie ended, and Leorio carried the kids to their rooms as they snored. “You two go ahead to bed, I’ll handle the Santa duties.”

(Name) kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Leorio. I’m so tired…”

“I figured, you still haven’t fully recovered.”

Kurapika held onto her hand as they walked upstairs. She put on a good show for the kiddos, but Leorio and Kurapika could see the exhaustion in her eyes. “Let’s get tucked in, angel. You need your rest.”

The two snuggled in bed. Ever since they had sex, Kurapika had been finding his way to her bed. Sometimes he slept in his own room due to staying up late for research, and then (Name) would wake up with him in her arms.

As she drifted off, she felt him give her forehead a kiss. “Merry Christmas, angel.”

————————

Kurapika woke up to an empty bed, bus first reaction being to panic. The blonde patted the empty spot before his eyes shot open and his chest began to heave. “(Name)? Angel, where are you?”

Usually his grip on her meant they woke up together because she couldn’t get out of bed without waking him, but he had turned over in the night.

Although he knew that she was probably just downstairs, he couldn’t help the panic that set in. He had lost so many people, it was part of the reason he was so clingy. He couldn’t lose her, he refused to.

“Pika? Were you calling?”

(Name) peeked in the door, still wearing her pajamas that matched his own. “Angel…”

Kurapika stumbled forward, holding her face in his hands so he could pepper kisses into her face. “Please, if you leave the bed, wake and inform me before you go… I worry.”

She smiled, feeling her body melt under his touch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up so early. I was just making a Christmas breakfast…”

He stared at her, the harsh, terrified shade of scarlet fading to the one only she got to see. “Let me help. I’m good with breakfast foods.”

The two made a heaping amount of pancakes, eggs, and bacon, and once the smell wafted through the house, everyone left their rooms.

Leorio rose from the couch, wiping the drool from his face. “Mmm… I think I was dreaming about your pancakes, (Name).”

She giggled. “Maybe! Come on, let’s eat so the kids can open their presents! I think I see a few more under the tree…”

Alluka gasped, running over to the plate of cookies, seeing that Leorio Santa had taken bites out of a few cookies, beheading the Kurapika cookie. Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched at the sight. “Was that necessary?”

Alluka huffed. “Hey, don’t question Santa! He might have thought your head looked tasty!”

Kurapika rubbed his temple. “Sure, sure…”

Killua snickered before stuffing his face with another bite of pancakes.

———————

After breakfast, (Name) pulled presents out from under the tree, placing them in piles in front of each person. Kurapika was surprised to see he had quite a few wrapped. “Where did all of these come from?”

(Name) smiled. “Gon and Melody sent you a gift in the mail, and the rest are from Alluka, Killua, and Leorio.”

Kurapika felt so loved in the moment. Since he had lost his clan, he rarely got many presents for his birthday or Christmas. The gift he got from (Name) on his birthday two years ago had been the first gift he received in years.

He had come so far, now surrounded by friends that appreciated and cared for him. “Alright everyone, you can start opening presents in 3, 2, 1!”

They began opening their gifts, Kurapika staring for a minute before he followed suit.

By the end of the session, Kurapika had a brand new pair of shoes from Leorio, a nice hair care kit from Alluka, a new book from Killua, a pair of heavy duty sunglasses from Gon, and a pastel pink scarf from Melody.

Kurapika looked so proud of his gifts, showing them off to (Name) before tucking them away safely in his room.

When he got back downstairs, (Name) smiled. “You have one more from me, Pika.”

He looked up before looking back at his gift. “You’re too kind, (Name)…”

He tore off the wrapping, tilting his head. “What is this?”

She giggled. “It’s a switch, a handheld game! You can play with friends across the world. You have a few games on it, so why don’t you let Killua and Alluka help you out?”

Kurapika nodded. “Ah, this is like the gameboys Pairo and I would see in magazines. Oh!”

He looked in wonder as he turned it on, and (Name) left him, Killua and Alluka taking over teaching him. By the time Leorio and (Name) finished with throwing away all of the wrapping paper, they had all started playing Minecraft with Gon.

“(Name) look, I’ve made a house!”

She peeked over Kurapika’s shoulder. “Wow, you really have!”

The day was spent with the adults laying around and watching movies or playing on their new game systems, while the kids ran around outside with their new toys.

Killua got a new skateboard and dirt bike, which he rode through the forest with Alluka clinging to his bike. “You sure they’ll be fine?” Kurapika asked, not looking up from his switch.

“They’ll be fine enough.”

By the end of the day, everyone was relaxing by the fire, sipping hot chocolate as they watched another Christmas movie. Kurapika kept a hand on her thigh, smiling. “I think this has been the best winter season I’ve had since…”

He didn’t have to finish his sentence, she knew what he meant. (Name) took his hand, planting a kiss on it. “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.”

As she snuggled up to him, her pajama pants leg rode up a little, revealing she still had a few healing scratches and scrapes from when they went ice skating a few weeks ago. “(Name), why haven’t healed those up? I can’t imagine they’re comfortable.”

She set her hot chocolate down, Leorio and Kurapika freezing in their spots. With a sigh, she rolled her pants back down. “I’m sure you’ve heard about the Chimera Ant incident by now.”

Kurapika felt his heart race. Was finally she going to tell him what happened now?

(Name) looked like she was choosing her next words carefully, her face concentrated in though. “Well… during that incident, I… lost my ability to heal myself. I… don’t want to talk about it, but I’ll say one thing. It was… in exchange for… something… at least that’s my theory.”

Kurapika was a little bit disappointed by how little information he got, but he was still concerned to hear she had lost the power to heal herself. When he thought about it, she had relied on Leorio to heal her wound. ‘I should have realized sooner… what if she got hurt, and I didn’t know she couldn’t heal herself?’

He was glad to know this information, because it would mean he’d be more prepared and able to keep her safe. If he knew her weaknesses, he could plan around them. “I see…”

Kurapika didn’t push the subject. He could see the topic made everyone but him and Alluka uncomfortable.

As they got in bed that night, (Name) stared down at her leg, remembering the events of the Chimera Ant Incident.

‘I can’t let him know, it would break him…’

[sisterandscripture]

Christ as a Caretaker 💞

Hi siblings!! It’s mee, Elle, your sister in Christ! 🎀

If you’re new to my blog, welcome!! I created this to help strengthen my relationship with God and hopefully help others do the same ^^

I was feeling a little down today, so I thought of posting this for a bit of comfort <333

Soooo if you’ve had a bad day…

Sit down, relax, and take comfort in Christ 🙏

📜Bible Verse of The Day

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ‭[NIV‬‬]

💌Something’s in your Inbox!

(im terribly sorry for the random info dump, please bear with me sharing my experience 😓)

I’m an eldest daughter, so uhm…

As you can imagine, there was definitely a lot of pressure put on me, even at a young age. I’m always expected to be independent and strong.

Even now, my sister gets most of the attention in the family and that’s okay with me, I understand why. She’s younger and needs more care than I do.

Along with the rest of my family, I take care of her too.

Sometimes though, it comes to the point when there are times that I have no one to go to for comfort, and I can’t even care for myself.

When I am burdened by something, I’d much rather keep it to myself than add to my parents’ burdens. I don’t want to become someone else’s problem just because I’m dealing with my own.

Yet, I can’t help but yearn for someone to take care of me— for someone to prioritize me, give me their undivided attention, unwavering comfort, and put me first.

Now that I’m growing up and growing more in my faith, it’s time I taught myself run to God.

Matthew 11:28 reminds us that there is someone who cares for us, someone who is willing to pay attention to our struggles and to lift our burdens.

God is our caretaker, He is the one person we can constantly go to for comfort.

Jesus Christ is the epitome of safety, warmth, and care. (I mean, the guy loved us so much that he died for us sooo…) He will always be there for us.

If you’ve been feeling a little unloved today or for quite awhile now, it’s okay :))

You don’t always have to be strong, sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. Whatever you’re feeling is valid. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to break down, it’s okay to lose sight of your path.

Leave it to God to build you back up again and bring you back on the right track.

Come to Him, and he will give you rest. Come to Him, and I promise, you’ll instantly feel much better 🥹🥹

Christ is our caretaker and our refuge— without fail, He will care for us. He will always be there for us. Whenever you feel alone, you aren’t.

God’s just waiting for you to reach out to Him. He loves you so much. Even when it feels like the whole world hates you, God is there.

Take comfort in Christ, and you won’t regret it.

And who knows? Maybe there will come a time when He’ll send someone here on earth that will care for and love you sincerely.

(hey, if you do need someone to talk to though, you can always reach out to me too— just send a message, and i can include you in my prayers or we can pray together!! but I strongly encourage you to go to God first :3)

📞God’s on the Line

I always say that prayer is a powerful thing. It’s your strongest weapon and your biggest comfort. It’s a one-way ticket to reach out to God!! ✨

Almighty God,

Thank You for being my caretaker. Thank You for constantly being there for me, and for being my best source of comfort. Thank You for allowing me to go to You when I am tired, sick, burnt out, sad, and hurt. Thank You for Your unconditional and perfect love— and the ultimate sacrifice that proves it, dying on the cross for my sins. I love You and offer all that I have to You. In my times of need, remind me to always go to You.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen!!

(you may continue this on your own, take all the time you need. let the prayer bring you comfort, let Him speak to you)

Goodbyeee my siblings!! Take care of yourselves, and remember that God takes care of you too. He loves you sooo much!! 💗

[hero-next-door]

Defending Nathan Prescott

(From Every Accusation)

All fact proven & common sense theory

No bullshit.

I suck at grammar. Deal with it.

I've replayed the game far too many times to gather this. I read into everything and even read into and WATCHED people who have suffered the same mental illness and situations Nathan has been in.

What I'll be covering:

Illness, rib breaking, dead animals, bdsm, Chloes pic, Rachel, gun on campus, Kate, Pompidou, Jefferson, wealth and his father.

And dont even THINK about skipping ahead!

Everything here is tied into one another. Read from start to finish. You're on this post to understand, right? Or to argue? Im not here to argue so, bye.

Lets start from the top...

Nathans downfall was caused by society and all who failed him. He's driven by hatred of others who don't understand him, and the game purposly wrote him off that way. They want players to hate him from what sides of the stories we've experienced. They gave this character controversial hobbies and a cynical bully attitude to really keep you suspecting him and not guessing Jefferson. The game isn't about Nathan. It's about Max. We learn so much about Max and everyone close to her. The tears they shed, the pains they've endorsed. Same with Chloe and Rachel's story. My heart goes out to all of them. We don't get to see that with other characters. Therefore, we don't care for them...or that's the games' intentions. We don't know the ins and outs of Nathan. Only what the game shows us, which are all negative. So, of course, disliking Nathan is only reasonable.

Mental Illness

We start with mental illness. He has Psychosis. Lots of proof, but i'm assuming you've seen it all already. Like, do people know what Psychosis is? Do they REALLY know what it is? Because this ALONE changes everything. And not Psychopathy ..Psychosis. Two different things, pookie. Psychopathy is the one where part of the brain is missing or disturbed. THEY'RE the ones that don't have empathy. Psychosis is different. Anybody can get it. This illness can take your empathy and awareness away, then bring it all back after the harm is done, leaving you to process that. Schizo and Bipolar are also all quite a handful to deal with too. Loud Noises/downgrading voices in your head SO LOUD that people will do anything to calm them. (Dont be shy, youtube: "28- Psychotic Episode" by Collège d'Alma) The feeling of loosing your mind is something I notice a lot of haters dont empathize on especially if they killed or hurt sombody. The brain slips into a state so disconnected that interviews with recovering patients I've seen describe it as confusing and scary and dont recall saying the stories they told and actions they did others. Imagine not being able to remember the hurtful things you've said and done. Imagine being told you killed somebody... with your own hands? And you can hardly remember what happened. Like... how would you react? Think about it. Anybody can get psychosis with enough trauma or a kick in the noggin. Some people who were interviewed that had psychosis said that they found relief when getting high or drunk. Little did they know the symptoms could bounce back up to 5x during withdrawal. But they were so desperate to get rid of the voices that they abused the drugs. Like....wow the game really did their research to create such a complicated character. Anyway, moving on.

Edit: After further research, he certainly had bipolar disorder first. Then it went left untreated, therefore sunk him to worse mental state of many other illnesses. Drugs only made things much, much worse. Bipolar disorder can cause schizo and schizo to lead to psychosis. 🙄Jesus Nathan quit hogging all the illnesses.

Now, let's break down everything else...

Shooting Chloe

Just rewatch it. Aims gun, Chloe pushes him, it tightens grip, ACCIDENTLY shoots her, immediately drops gun and gets really scared of he's done, checking to see if she's alive! If you specifically rewatch the ending of Lis1 when Chloe gets shot, they extend his reaction. He goes back and forth, checking her body. If he wanted to kill her, you check pulse and then run. Not sticking around crying about it. There's your empathy you're all saying he doesn't have. Other times where he could have shown more empathy ties with his Psychosis. Some people with the illness said that the voices loudly in their head will convince them that everyone around you is your enemy. Everyone is after you. It can twist your brain to feel anger and fear towards others. Nathan is always hung up on how everyone is using him and trying to control him. Which people ..DO use him. So now he's convinced that everyone is. He's not choosing to feel this way. He just needs psychiatric help.

Breaking Ribs

In Before The Storm, his entire demeanor is completely different than the Lis 1. He's more cowardly and not loud and aggressive. We'll be mentioning his creepy "pervy" binder later. Nathan isn't violent until the end IF you let Nathan get bullied and push his life in a negative direction. Sure, it's not Chloe's responsibility, but this is the game's way of showing you his downfall. We need to remember the game hides scenes and expect you to make up what happened behind the scenes. He broke Samantha's ribs over ..what? She's always so desperate to defend Nathan and even gets upset with Chloe when she doesn't help. So, if you tell her the wrong option to pressure kindness into Nathan, it results in him breaking ribs. How, though? Haters immediately hop online to say cause he's a mean and abusive non-empathic nut head. Are you sure he didn't just push her away, and her clumsiness just fell over? This took place after the play...so he possibly...pushed her off... 😰 She did say she was clumsy. You don't think she would have tried to hug or touch him in any way. Ok ok...calm down... Let's take a step back.. You get this "breaking ribs," ending from letting Nathan get bullied and embarrass himself during the play that his father pressured him about! Adding a little "..fuck you.." to the audience. Showing his start to his villain career and the start of him hating everyone, and you tell Samantha to go hug him!? This is the start of his mental spiral if you let things play out this way. But hurting her with intention? No. Lets tie this in with the other endings to their relationship. You get the clumsy ending. She hurts herself differently, and Nathan is with her in the hospital. Saying how he feels bad that she got hurt. (empathy bell) And they continue yo talk about her photo or whatever. Tie this with the rib one, tie this with the Chloe getting shot incident, and tie this with his mental illness. Come on, do i gotta spell it out for you.. Hurting someone is not what he attends to do. Like he quotes in his voice mail. (Speaking of that voice mail, empathy bell.) He does get angry at Samantha and hurts her, and we as players dont know the full story. But what was playing in his head seconds before and the entirety of the game that led up to this IS the reason why he accidentally hurts her. His anger from the entire game was built up and, unfortunately, released on her. Whatever happened, breaking her ribs was not on his to-do list! And then we have.. The good ending. He sits beside her, smiling.

Oh, wait! He's a little psycho with no human emotion? Psychosis has all parts of the brain attached, pookie. For most cases, It can be cured and helped. I can get it. YOU can get it. He has human emotions when he is at his very rare peaceful moments like with this good ending, when with Victoria ig and other scenes we tend to forget. Because painting him as the villain was the games goal. Jefferson was the plot twist.

Daddy Issues, Smug Talk, and a Gun on campus

Simple guys. Simple. You represent this school. You represent our name. This is a legacy. You will not embarrass me. This isn't about you or your problems!

Sure, YOU wouldn't crumble under that pressure, but Nathan sure did. Sure, child abuse isn't an excuse to "kill" people. But is it the child's fault? Sean-beanbag prescott should be arrested for not taking his boy to the asylum. Instead, he argues with a doctor!? Goofy, bro. But so many people are fueled with anger towards Nathan instead. It's whatever. Prescott, literally being his name, was already a red flag to other characters and chose to hate and bully him over it. Drew hated for what his FATHER did. Nathan did ..what again? Notice how that "rich Malfoy talk" wasn't really present in Before The Storm. Sure he tried to burn Drew with a family financial situation insult but the "Im rich, my father owns everything, I got a lawyer, money this and that" wasn't in his character in the Before the Storm. I believe being a prescott wasn't really in his future goals, and he wasn't ever really passionate about it. It's all in the annoyance in his tone with his father before the play. Lis1 he uses it so often to show that he's the boss and in control. He is influenced by representation for his family/school, wealth, intimidation, and of course hatred and believing everyone hates him. In his mind, everyone is against him, after him, and wants to use him. Again, he doesn't choose to think this way. Let me explain my last sentence clearly, though. Imagine being surrounded by a ton of people. All their attention is on you. They hate who you are. They talk about you. You have a defensless stomach sinking feeling and scared because all these people surrounding you are looking at you and all your insecurities and laughing at you. Well, obviouslysome of that is not going on in reality. But to Nathan, that IS his reality, and he has no control over it. Anyways I shouldn't have to keep explaining mental illness and how it stresses the brain. The bottom line is that his status and waving a gun around is what he thinks keep others out of his head. He can barely throw a punch. He had to use his head on warren, and did you catch when Max hit him in that scene? The dude was literally holding onto his face like he'd been battered. Like she did NOT hit that hard lmao. He's weak. He's always been the same tiny Nathan from before the storm. Just now, he uses masks for intimidation to stop his bullies, and anyone he thinks is "after him." He never meant to use a gun on anybody, just a threat. During the second scene where warren reunited a head butt with Nathan.. If you pull off warren, he barely even aims the gun when he runs away towards his room. Cowardly. He feels that he has to, to protect himself. He also uses his father as a threat, but clearly, that never worked. Also, I noticed him crying when you let Warren get crazy on him? Dudes apologizing and sobing? Guess that's not his first rodeo, rip.

Dead Animals

There is no proof he hurt animals. That's not really like him. He does have a list of illnesses, but Psychopathy isn't one of them. Y'all can keep yappin, but it's not. Clearly NOT one of them. He could have hurt an animal during an unaware episode, but there will not be any awareness behind it. Anyways, there are plenty of artists that do the same thing. Nathan is very passionate about photography and protraying solitary but not in the same way Jefferson does. Jefferson certainly uses that manipulation, but we'll get to that later. There are artists that like to shine on death in a positive light and in sorrow. There's also beauty in anatomy. It's not my cup of tea, but someone close to me can name me all kinds of gross organs and would be down to disect any animal. Yuck. But to them.. its fascinating, and they are the greatest people in my life. In love and in empathy. (NOT comparing my pookie to Nathan, PAUSE.) In anatomy theres Education and surprise. Death is also a theme and style too. Skulls and gore, super "rad" fukin "knarly."

BDSM Skip to (●) next part if needed

Ok.. so he's a little frisky. Y'all need to remember this is a fictional game first, okay? Lol Anyway, I can't defend him much here, but I got something. Firstly, the game WANTS you to suspect Nathan. Can't keep his room pretty and pink. They have to make it freaky and spooky. They paint Nathan as the villian for you to only focus on him as a suspect. So that everyones jaws are dropped with Jefferson twirls in.

Anyway...defending BDSM? This can bring trauma to those who have experienced it negatively or view it negatively. So skip to the Frank defense or read more if you want.

Bdsm relationships are very controversial. Some people see it as unhealthy, abusive, and sick. But if you have talked to or listened to other people within these relationships, they state that its completely consensual, safe, harmless, a breach of deep trust with their partners, and simply a fetish or kink The goal is to have fun at your limit..not pass the limit. There are twisted people who have broken that barrier and made it not fun and abusive. That's where I can't argue. If you feel that way towards the topic, I completely empathize with you.

Nathan has shown in his other photos a black and white theme of solitary. And you can tell that he might have taken those bdsm photos himself. As the quality is almost like the Pompidou photo. Everyone blends him taking bdsm photos with his angry behavior and "non empathic" demeanor. But this is where I loop back to Before The Storm hugging-my-binder Nathan. It's shown that in one of his endings, he took photos of Samantha. Obviously, NOT bdsm photos. His binder was a school project. But Samantha obviously consented, and Nathan was passionate enough to show her. He sees them as art. Naked girls have been models for sculptures and paintings. Its beauty. That's IF she was naked in some way in those photos. Which I still doubt. School project. Im sure the photos were gentle and strange and misunderstood, and Drew was just in his bully era. His reaction would have been a lot more eye-opening if he had a face full of tits or straps. Nathan begged for his binder back and even nervously reacted, showing he had love for his work and 'took time with it' (as he quotes when Drew throws it). I bring this up here to show that the women in his photos were indeed given consent, and if hes passionate about depicting his art, hurting them wouldn't be on his agenda. As we all learned today that hurting people was never his intentions until drugs and illness met with pressure and intimidation clouds his brain.

I read up on other artists that painted things similar. In their paintings, they expressed dread, vulnerability, feeling traped, and ..feeling used. If Nathan did find the images he took arousing, then why would he hang them up like everything else in his room like art? I believe that they're depicted in an artful way and in its black and white shading brings a sad darkness. If it's anything like the painters I mentioned, maybe Nathan has a deep level of empathy we don't understand.

●Frank and Pompidou

I didn't even know he took a picture of Franks hurt dog in the road because you little freaks threw his treat in the street!? This will also tie in to chloes pic, but we'll get to that. Frank first, as it's pretty simple. Nathan runs some system with Frank. And it's pretty obvious it's the same thing Drew was doing in Before the Storm. Nathan clearly doesn't like it as he finds it controlling, but getting his hands on drugs is a great way to forget his flaws and calm his illness symptoms. Which only created a loop of his symptoms worsening, as talked about before. His illness is very active towards the end of Before the Storm. You can tell by his huge character difference that drugs only made it worse.

Pompidou is a good dog, but just remember he's not the one who hurt him. This ties in with what we explained in the dead animal phase. The Imagine is black and white. It's a strange art most people don't understand. Man, I don't even understand it. But these people aren't heartless, and they're simply expressing pain. Or.. he took it for the same reason he took Chloes pic. To feel that he's in control, thinking this will help his mental reality of thinking everyone can use him, as explained earlier. But i doubt it. One is in color, and Pompidou is not. One is misguided, and one is "art."

Jefferson, Rachel, Kate, Chloes pic

If i see one more person throw him in the same trash bin as Jefferson, im going to puke. Anyway, I've twisted my head around this story so many times, begging to see the bigger picture. No pun attended. Jefferson was pulling the strings all along ..you know that, right? If Nathan was never there, Jefferson would have still done his disgusting projects. He certainly brought Victoria over without Nathan's usage. He didn't need Nathan, Nathan just made it easier cause he can easily be manipulated. Making Nathan do it all so the consequences will fall on him. Jefferson is smart and knows the right words to say. Nathan is missing the kindness of a father figure. All he has to do is play with his feelings. Nathan falls too easily to kindness. He felt the kindness of Samantha during the good ending, and He felt the kindness from Victoria.. but Victoria toxic bully nature wasn't helping. The bottom line is Jefferson easily manipulates him and understands his mental reality and uses that against him. Adding thoughts into Nathans head. Jefferson learned to use Nathan's illness to his advantage. Nathan trusted Jefferson as did everyone in that school. Why on earth would Jefferson wrong him? He looked up to him, so when Jefferson slowly brought him into his plans of drugging girls, Nathan thought that it was all ..moral. In reality, you and I know obviously that's not okay, but to Nathan (and his severe illness), he trusted Jefferson was doing no wrong. We don't understand the mental strain he was under. Manipulation goes a long way. Heres how he did it. He probably said things like 'We are the same Nathan, this is art just like yours.' It starts small, Nathan gets him the drugs. Then he pulls him in, and Nathan starts drugging the girls for me. Start driving them here. Start helping me inside the dark room. Start helping me inject my victims. Jefferson had so much power over him. He was connected with his father. He can threaten his grade, his representation, and his future in art. He knew all the right things to say and do. He knew how his head worked. Clog him up with drugs, and keep him quiet. Heal his missing father needs and demand him for your needs. Does this not make Nathan a victim, too?

Then ...the Rachel incident happened. Nathan was NOT mentally aware of what he's done. The excited "Rachel!" When he saw Max at the diner clearly shows that he truly expected her to pull up. This mixes with the symptoms we've discussed. He only remembers bits and pieces as obviously it was beyond traumatizing. Sending him in an insane spiral and the infamous psychosis drawing. (Don't be afraid, google psychosis drawings. Damn. Just imagine you recovered from psychosis and laying eyes on that and not remembering you drew that..ugh...I'd cry.) Someone with Psychopathy wouldnt feel traumatized from such events, debunking the fact everyone thinks Nathan has Psychopathy. He doesn't have Psychopathy, he has psychosis. Moving on. Jefferson was certainly angry with him and drugged Nathan himself after the incident, which really helped Nathan to forget what he's done. But Jefferson's anger and not talking to him tore him apart. His emotional attachment clearly wasn't having it. The note he wrote Jefferson in desperate attempt to bring him back after ruining Jefferson plans goes to show just how much he wants that sense of being cared for. If only it was someone else that wasnt Jefferson ..or his dad can do is fucking job too.

Alcohol was certainly a great method of forgetting what he did. So then comes Chloes' interaction with him. We know the story. He did not SA her, I can say that right here and now. Nothing like that was behind this. You can tell by the way Chloe presented the story to Max. There wasn't an uncomfortable tone to her story. She didn't seem traumatized but more shocked, and "it was pretty crazy." She also wasn't drugged for that long. She woke up very soon, fully clothed. What obviously happened is that Nathan used this to feel in control like the mentioned way above. Drugs and Psychosis is no jokes. Who knows what hell is playing in his mind, but I unfortunately believe that this was to try to win back Jefferson. He had been angry at him and ignoring him, and even tho he hates drugging, his confusion and drunk state led him to this. He's cowardly, and his mind is slipping and tries to do what he thinks is right for him. He's misguided and leads down the wrong path.

Nathan did not SA Kate! Kate story breaks my heart into a million pieces, but if she was SA-ed, it wasn't Nathan. After everything I said above, you can tell that that isn't in his character. But here I want to bring up the voicemail. Nathan claims multiple times that he never wanted to hurt anybody, implying that he felt forced to do harm. Something he DID NOT want to do. Why on earth would anybody have felt forced to SA somebody!? I'm not saying Kate WASN'T SA-ed as I can only assume maybe the boys she was shown with in the video did something or Jefferson. Victoria was Kates bully!!! Nathan wanted to be liked by Victoria and was influenced by her nature. He's desperate for attention and kindness. Victoria did far more to hurt Kate and her reason as to why was shit. You go THAT FAR to one up your photography game. Girl, bye. She spread that video, and she still has empathy, too? Her regretting everything? Did she reallyy regret it? Or did she want to make herself look good for her representation? She showed regret via text message in Before The Storm, too? She doesn't have a mental illness, but the game gave her an act of forgiveness and used her as a victim so the audience would sympathize with her. Goes to show you the game controls what they want you to feel. If they were to do that with Nathan..would opinons be different? Taking us into his mind and how he sees the world around him. They could have..but didnt. Well.. We have the voicemail, but obviously, that didn't stop the haters. It's unfortunate. But the game gave me just enough little clues for me to shine light on in this post. They put so much into his character but never showed the audience the truth.

Conclusion

What we've learned today is that Nathan isn't the villain you think. He's been manipulated, used, and needs mental help, but im sure my old Nathan-defending friends have said this time and time again. Im here to add something....

It's been PROVEN that he's capable of all human emotions. You just refuse to believe it because you're mistaking his illness and claiming all of this was intentional. Psychosis can be temporary. It's like a hand that steals your common sense, feelings, empathy, and sympathy, and you're only left with acting on pure chaos and negative or fearful emotions. After long treatment, your sense of reality returns, your feelings, your empathy, your sympathy.. And all you have now is guilt and regret and self blame that you hurt somebody. If you let Nathan kill Chloe, he is arrested. He had doctors aware of his illness and would have been charged with illness in mind. Forcing the treatment he needed ages ago. By the time Lis 2 came out... I wonder how he's taking it all in? What he did to everyone, what he did to Rachel.

He was written off to die, be locked up, and blamed. Unfortunately, he was caught in the crossfires of the harm of our favorite characters. If he was born in a different family and away from Jeff, he would have never hurt anybody. Matter a fact, he would never have suffered with his listed mental illnesses.

This goes out to all real accidental murder cases. There will always be a great divide in opinions. I hate comparing fictional games with real life, but I find it crazy that we call others nonempathtic when they aren't empathic themselves. It's like the word "accidental" is worthless.

Its always a debate..

Do we feel bad for the lives lost and their families

or

Do we feel bad for the mental crumble of the one who never meant to kill and how their familes have to deal with that.

Are they worthy to walk this earth? Are they worthy to see the daylight again? Are they still human, too? Should they die, too? Is redemption possible?

Who knows. Peoples opinions won't change unless they themselves fall onto the opposing team. If they were to suffer the chaos of accidentally murdering someone or the grief of losing someone from an accidental murder.

Red Nathan, the first Nathan we all experienced from Lis1. Damaged and doomed. Used and mentally obstructed. It's unfortunate things ended this way.

Blue Nathan, Appears in Before the slStorm and Max's alternate timeline. He is clean and hasn't touched drugs. He had not been involved in crimes or violence yet. In this alternate timeline, he has been somehow saved and kept away from mental destruction and Jefferson. We will never really know what drove Nathan towards this peaceful path, but I assumed that it was the kindness of Max that led him in the right direction. (Max somehow changed Victoria, too. With her demeanor being so gentle. I really am curious about the whole back story of that timeline... I think about it alot)

[gxhaode]

To all the boys I’ve loved before

Pairing: Student!ChoiYeonjunxstudent!femreaderxchildhoodbestfriend!ChoiBeomgyu

Summary: Your romantic life was practically non-existent, only having crushed on a handful of guys which never went anywhere. All of this took a turn after Yunjin, your best friend, decided to mail your crushes the letters that you wrote for them during your crushing phases. What happens when one of the letters ends up at Choi Beomgyu door, your best friend since diapers or worse, your ex best friend's boyfriends, Choi Yeonjun? Will Yunjins tactic finally get you to find love or will it just lead to disaster?

Genre: Highschool au, social media au, love triangle, light angst, fluff, crack

Warnings: swearing(this is all I can think for now but if theres anything else that you notice and think should be a warning do let me know:) )

Features: Txt, lesserafim, aespa,enhypen

Start: 10th March 2023

End: 12th July 2023

Status: Completed

A/N: I am currently in my last year of school before I start university so A LOTTT of exams are coming up so my posting days might be a bit off due to that:’) but I’ll try my best to be organized and have everything ready for u guys in time:)

Taglist:OPEN

Profiles:

Moodboards:

Y/n, Yeonjun, Beomgyu

Socials:

y/n’s bullies | skateboardclub | thechadsquad

Chapters:

Monologue

Chapter 1: I hate it here

Chapter 2: im single BY CHOICE

Chapter 3: WHOS WE💀‼️

Chapter 4: this bouta be good🍿

Chapter 5: I AM A COWARD.

Chapter 6: Message from Unknown

Chapter 7: Jesus’s doorstep

Chapter 8: DO IT

Chapter 9: he dead.

Chapter 10: Soobin the human shield🤩🛡️

Chapter 11: did that girl just faint? (Written)

Chapter 12: Man its only Tuesday

Chapter 13: Yuny/n era?🤭💗💗

Chapter 14: hes lost it😭😭

Chapter 15: oNe EyE oPen wHen YoUre SleEpinGggg

Chapter 16: r u gasslighting me rn?😀

Chapter 17: Hunting y/n for sports😍(Written)

Chapter 18: Are you mental?

Chapter 19: Get that dick y/n😩

Chapter 20: the contract

Chapter 21: just go knock?💀

Chapter 22: oh.

Chapter 23: text y/n

Chapter 24: its on

Chapter 25: you’re cute♡

Chapter 26: rebound shit😭

Chapter 27: oh bby…

Chapter 28: The scrunchie (written)

Chapter 29: no💞

Chapter 30: YOU JEALOUS BROTHA(Smau +written)

Chapter 31: its always Soobin(Smau + Written)

Chapter 32: im fine wdym

Chapter 33: wtf is going on😭

Chapter 34: Operation SS

Chapter 35: SS Shananigans

Chapter 36: Toxic Relationships(Written)

Chapter 37: Ill be here for you(Written)

Chapter 38: OH IM WORRYING

Chapter 39: Ski trip day🥳🏔️

Chapter 40: me and you<3(written+smau)

Chapter 41: never🤙🏻

Chapter 42: haters gonna hate.

Chapter 43: guys?😀

Chapter 44: Jacuzzi(Smau + Written)

Chapter 45: we need to talk (Written)

Chapter 46: preach🗣️

Chapter 47: no homo

Chapter 48: pull a y/n

Chapter 49:Endgame

Taglist: @ghostfacefricker6969 @yumilovesloona @il0vebeomgyu @curly-fr13s @blueishwoodz @kaewonie @uno7 @hyu-kas @daisyhwa @captivq @s00buwu @lixie-phoria

[funnyscienceman]

Ok but like WHYY did ubisoft have to insist with the one game a year thing. Why couldnt they let syndicate cook in the oven more. Why do they have THREE queer men in the same game and not do ANYTHING with them!!!

Like yes, yes, i get it, i get wanting to for once make a story in a fun setting where you dont have to think about real life prejudice and hardships and bigotry and just have characters be silly, i love that too. I do! And id be all for that if doing it just didnt waste a potentially banger study of the characters and the setting ;-;

Like god i go back and forth on this constantly. I already love syndicate as it is, i think it's fun and neat and the happy gaming vibes about it is core to its identity, it's just that simultaneous to that, three queer men in the same game!!!

like GOD im still miffed that there are only, like, two or three fics about this, and so far i havent found any discussion or anything of it, but oh my god how different all three of them are from each other. You could do so much just with having any of them in the same room — and they are often enough in the same room (jacob and either ned or roth at a time), but nothing's really done there!

we have roth who sees fcking nothing wrong with getting kids hurt, because he doesnt actually care about anyone or anything, he's just some fucking joker wannabe that yeah, sure, probably has some anger and resentment at society because he's a gay man in his 40s or 50s by now, but jesus fucking christ retaliation against homophobia does not equal rampant needless unproductive violence roth!!!

then we have ned, who — i mean he doesnt ever give his opinion on whether kids deserve any respect or anything but considering in every other department he's pretty much just Some Guy, it'd be fair to assume he also has the extremely average stance of 'dont fcking kill kids and dont blow up buildings for no good reason??' in the grand scheme of the templar-assassin stuff he has just about as much relevance as roth: roth was just the boss of the blighters, ned just finances the fryes by virtue of them working for him. He probably doesnt even know about it, and tbh i dont even know if he'd care??? But like i imagine roth doesnt care in the way of 'as long as you dont get in my way, it's all set dressing,' ned i imagine would be smth like 'are yall fckin serious? are you kidding me rn? i have to skirt around transphobes on a daily basis, now youre telling me there's a secret society on top of that with even worse ideas?? What the fuck???'

like uh, not caring about it as in 'I cant deal with this rn i need a nap'

HE'S JUST AN EXTREMELY REGULAR PERSON (besides the crime lord stuff) IS WHAT IM GETTING AT.

then there's jacob, who's the youngest out of these guys btw, fckin 21 good god he should be at the club not trying to disassemble systemic oppression— ANYWAY

(ned is 27-28 over the course of the game, btw; we dont actually have a solid timeline for anything, just the year, so tbh jacob could've also been 20 and not 21 yet during the game. both he and ned have late birthdays, just a month apart)

so, yknow, being extremely early 20-somethings, both frye twins just take a train to london completely on impulse and dive headfirst into undoing the templars that've had an iron grip over the city for basically as long as they've been alive, yknow, as you do; and throughout the game jacob has to deal with goddamn daddy issues and fighting with his sister and insecurity and trying to be an assassin — and that's a lot for a guy to handle!! Especially one who's still just a couple years out of being a teenager! That's a fucking lot and if the devs are right, then he hasnt even realized that he's bi yet! Not until roth fucking kisses him while jacob's got a knife in his throat for the aforementioned indiscriminate, unproductive violence!

i mean, granted, yeah there were gay undertones during sequence 8, but i have to admit my bias here because i honest to god cannot take those missions seriously. Roth fucking preaches this and that about freedom and whatnot and then im plopped into the mission and it's the most rule-heavy shit ive ever seen in my short life as an assassin's creed player. Like what the hell, those missions were atrocious. Apprently i need to detonate the bombs a specific way, i cant just shoot them from a distance, i have to hold a button crouching down right next to the bombs, and then run the hell away! I have to avoid THIS and THAT while kidnapping xyz! Like there's freddy's apprehend missions and then there's THIS.

at least with ned's missions all you have to do is get the shit and go… i'm still salty that ubisoft cut his questline because they fucking insist on releasing a game a year >:((

my battery's dying. All these guys are different flavors of queer on top of just being pretty different and pretty similar in various ways, and there's just… barely anything about it. Ned especially, since he's just a quest giver whose screentime totals to, like, 2-5 minutes. I just wish they really did more with the setting; not just the queerness and these three specifically, but like, evie, henry, the class conflict — like there are shreds of it, seeds, but there's not much before you kill starrick and credits roll :((

idk. im just gonna refresh ao3 again cjemddjekjx

[ashe-stxr]

RIDDLEBIRD VN CGS 7/16

"Last time I was sent there for killing a cop, how long do you think they'd keep me there for killing the mayor?"

"Are you seriously threatening me right now?"

jesus christ. i always forget how bad my executive dysfunction gets when im hyperfixated on something. especially when what im hyperfixated on is a fandom so i just want to spend all my time scrolling through tumblr or tiktok just to see the silly guys my brain has decided to attach itself to. so that being said, i havent done that much work on the visual novel this month like i hoped. which again, SUCKS because i had this month off of work, which surprise, instead of being my most productive month of my year, the lack of structure only made me depressed and worsened my already bad life habits. luckily, my executive dysfunction also extends to posting art, so i actually have a few CGs to show off this week :]

but essentially what im getting at with all this is im kind of kicking myself right now because i was really hoping to get this first chapter out for playtesting in time for the one year anniversary of me starting this :// (or at the very least finishing the CGs) so right now i have absolutely no idea what next month is looking like in terms of progress while my motivation is kind of on standby for the time being while i try to wait out this hyperfixation (this happened in april/may of this year as well, and the months after were my most productive so crossing my fingers and hoping this happens this time as well !) i know that the standards ive set for myself dont actually exist outside of my head but i cant help but feeling awful about how this month went 😭

anyways, complaining to the void about my problems aside, this CG and the whole scene its in is very interesting !

writing arguments are really hard, so this scene was sorta pushed to the end in my writing process, but i think it turned out pretty well !! the funniest thing about the coward routes is that i wrote them side by side, so i would go from writing about these two having a nice heart to heart during dinner straight to ed making vague threats to oswalds life LMAOOO the emotional whiplash i went through was an experience unlike anything else ive gotten while writing

the final result of the CG ended up being 28 pictures/frames as well. which is still only the second biggest set in the first chapter,, the second half of this set i actually tried out something new by making it have a comic feel to it. i might have to make its own post for it, since i didnt want to clutter this one too much

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 5

chapter 9:

1. OMG DID REMUS FORGET TO GO BACK TO HIS CELL WAIT HOLY SHIT THIS ISNT GONNA BE GOOD

2. oh good wait, remus left and came back

3. sirius’ first thought is to brush his teeth to kiss sirius 😭😭 he’s so me fr. i wouldn’t let my ex kiss me unless they brushed their teeth first. or had a mint. im so sensitive to smells

4. “He used to build things. Create things. And now he's lucky if he doesn't destroy what's already formed.” JESUS FUCK. THATS LITERALLY SO SAD WTF

5. 😭😭😭 sirius is literally amidst gay panic beyond your wildest comprehension and remus is just like ✨☺️😏🥱🩷🏳️‍🌈 “touch me”

BABES

6. “Remus hums. "Imagine how I feel. No one's touched me without causing me pain in five years."” NOOOO BABY

7. god, wolfstar deserves everything. the best wolfstar content i find is always in a fic that is centered on another ship. i could literally survive off wolfstar alone- no water, no food, no air

8. wolfstar calling each other beautiful>>>>>>>

9. 😬 what did sirius jsut say. i must be going crazy. cause there’s no way he just said he needed to brush his teeth

10. wolfstar deserves the world universe

11. reg is no longer a pathetic teen with a crush, he’s a pathetic adult with a crush

12. reg being grumpy even in his sleep <33333

13. james having a pathetic crush on reg while cuddling together is top tier

14. there really needs to be an emoji to accurately show the face i just made. it probably looks similar to this- 😀😟 what. there’s no way reg is about to tease james, just to get his old 14 year old self off

15. 😀😀 girl what is he doing. i-

16. how he became freinds with barty is so crimson rivers canon, i can’t even. like, i KNOW that it’s canon. but it’s also canon that bizzarestars was right about. no author mistakes in that piece

17. damn, reg is actually gonna go at it. i don’t know how james is gonna survive this and make it to the actual arena.

18. “James says his name like it's the only word that has meaning. His voice is rough, and Regulus' name is sloppy and desperate in his mouth, like a hail mary or a form of salvation.” CHRIST. I SAID I DIDNT KNOW HOW JAMES WOULD SURVIVE THIS, BUT HOW THE HELL DID REG SURVIVE THIS??

19. “Barty is a good lover, there's no denying that—but he'll be damned if James isn't just better.” 😟 shocked. omg. who would have guessed this would be reggie’s thoughts

20. “"Because you might die today," Regulus tells him bluntly, shrugging one shoulder as he stands up. "Consider it a parting gift. Now, get out."”

😧

they just fucked, and all reg can do is be like “yeah yeah, now get out horny bitch” no fucking way i just read that right i-

bitch that’s foul

21. “Regulus is a conundrum, honestly.” yes. that’s the word i’d use to describe him.

22. james: don’t tell sirius that reg and i just fucked. also james: “he’s in the shower”

bitch if you could be any more obvious

23. “Remus Lupin. If there's one good thing to come out of all this, it's him.” YES YES YES ABSOLUTELY! REMUS IS THE GOOD IN THIS

24. “”James, I am so grateful to know you, and so sorry that I had to. Every name that I call is a name I wish I never learned. Yours—you—will remain etched into my heart forever."” BITCH I CANT CRY OVER THIS- MY EYE MAKEUP LOOKS TOO GOOD TODAY TO CRY

25. “"I'll see you again soon, Regulus."” BITCH WTF THAT HURTS EVEN MORE THAN JAMES’ GOODBYE

26. maybe it’s been too long since i’ve read the books, BUT this fic seems to capture the absolute tragedy and horrors of it before it even starts even more

27. christ, not reg saying the “i don’t want to go” that hurts. like holy fuck. he’s still just a scared child. don’t put him in that arena

28. god, the way the death of james feels like sirius dying too. and sirius deciding that once james is dead, sirius will be too

how the hell is this people’s comfort fic???

29. not sirius having a lapse of memory and losing his memory of his last moments with james. that shit hurts

30. fabian <3333

31. 😧 wait fabian is dead. they just shot him. holy shit

32. gideon <3333

33. wait gideon is dead too.

y’all. i just-

this whole chapter was a fucking rollercoaster.

[amoirsetpacis]

NAME / ALIAS: roo AGE: 28 [ 29 this year ] PRONOUNS: they/them TIMEZONE: kst [ 13-14 hours in the future from the master list depending on daylight savings ] WHERE ARE YOU FROM?: [ deep sigh ] kentucky CHARACTERS IN THE GROUP: vash the stampede ( this guy ) and soon to be bravern from bang brave bang bravern! A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF:

hello i am the little critter you hear jittering about in your walls and i like trigun very much. please let me talk to you about trigun i promise im so normal about it.

ive been rping on tumblr since i was uhhhh 14-ish, so literally half of my life at this point, jesus christ. before that i was rping over yahoo instant messenger and skype and ff.net forums. i was in [redacted] before isola, and ive specifically been rping vash on and off in both groups. i live in korea which is why im typically not active at the same time as most folks unless i decide to waste company time, which, lol. i teach little kids and i love them but also the boss makes a dollar i make a dime so i write yaoi on company time

i like viddy games and reading, so if im not writing im usually doing either one of those things. i like horror movies even though im a huge baby and im unfortunately turning into my father in the way that i unironically also like westerns now. i cant play any sports but i'll go a little bit crazy about college basketball. i prefer savory foods like soups but when my sweet tooth rears its head i'll easily make myself sick. i like coffee and aesthetic cafes and fashion, but ive been kinda lazy on that last one for a while now. im getting married [ ah???????????????!!!!!!!?????????? ] in the fall, which is really fucking weird

you can find me in the group discord or on my twitter @jiycnq

[c0rpseductor]

im about to talk at length about my dragon age rook-inquisitor and his extreme mary sue forceful power so for the love of god be careful

i think in general my main enjoyment of veilguard i was getting is that like. before i watched it i decided i wanted my rook to be my old self insert inquisitor. but i also didnt want him to be significantly older than i am, so i aged him down in inquisition, making him like...around 16ish then, and then 18 in trespasser and 28 in veilguard (i cannot believe i am turning 28 in a few months btw. heinous.)

so during inquisition i had to change his dynamic with the cast and im still sorting some of that out but the BIGGEST change was that solas sort of decided like. "hey i love the sound of my own voice and when people think i'm right and the warm fuzzies i get being ostensibly nice. and also i feel bad that this Child has my stupid anchor in his hand. i will become his mentor and project some weird fantasy i only half admit to myself about raising children with mythal onto him and, well, it will certainly turn out in a way!" and then it certainly turns out in a way

and veilguard (kinda clumsily) sets up a relationship between solas and rook where he kind of "mentors" them, and also manipulates them at the same time, and ends up being kind of hot and cold in terms of sudden kind of unprovoked genuinely mean bitchiness that, coming from inquisition, felt startlingly out of character. although maybe he has some kind of secret approval stat in charge of that, idk. anyway. because i was going in with a very related Miserable Dynamic the whole thing slotted together nicely in my head with the main theme being about self-determination against both societal institutions and individual mentors and so on. i think this was maybe the intended thesis of veilguard, but the real thesis of veilguard i think is "ok fine solavellan fans. here. jesus. are you happy now?", and also "this writing team is extremely white and we have barely stopped to consider any of the unfortunate implications of this god killing plotline, let alone competently unpack them," although in fairness they were somewhat constrained by the massive ball drop in this arena that inquisition did. but i felt there was not much damage control. anyway

long meandering story short it was fun to me to imagine the entire thing as some weird like, pseudo-father and adult son power struggle at an absurd scale given the circumstances. "no Professor Dad you do NOT get to choose my job i am 28" but instead of your studentson's job it's the entire fate of the world forever. i particularly liked that bit where solas helps you escape elgarnan's gay little fade trap in arlathan with the specific imagined vibe of "hi nerd from elf high school whose girlfriend i stole. i am going to steal your lunch money again. this time, the lunch money is your son. and im going to give him a swirlie"

i think for my rook i would have to invent a new ending where he does get to punt solas into magic hell but he also still gets some kind of emotional parting words. because he is having massive disorganized attachment big issues huge meltdown forever the whole game and really wants Professor Dad to like him and cares about him. but he also hates his fucking guts and is disgusted by him, so i think there's no reasonable way to interpret an ending where he has to continue to interact with solas or breathe his same air as good

[lightasaghost]

made this at the beginning of the month, idk if it’s accurate still.

day 1: started at 54.5 and am currently 49.0 kg !

day 2: im 5’2, my heights okay, somtimes i wish i was smaller

day 3:

when i first stared looking at 3d cont3nt, this was my first goal, and still is :3 i love how tiny their legs are and how small they look scrunched up

day 4: teeth rotting, hair loss, memory loss

day 5: i do it for me i think. i want to be pretty but i also want to look scary ? i want to have control.

day 6: i used to be more b3d than an4, i binged every single day but now i dont.

day 7: i dont think they know but my siblings do and no one really takes it seriously.

day 8: i usually walk 10k if i have things to do but i never actively go out of my way to try and exercise

day 9: ive never been bullied for it ever, but i think it contributed to why i was bullied in the first place

day 10: my favorite foods and spending time with family. ive been mean to my friends so also that maybe.

day 11: (fill out later)

day 12: i normally try to eat nothing and if i do its under 200 cal, averagely id say i eat abt 80 cal

day 13: unhealthy, i like to not eat good and f4st half the time. i want this as fast as possible.

day 14: my goal is to be 39.6 kg or bmi 15-14 ^^

day 15: i was veget for a while and it really made me faint more often than loose weight. this was during an era of being normal so idk.

day 16: from my rel4pse, sept 27~ but from the very beginning ? id say jan of 23

day 17: id say i have an4 as a couple therapists have said so but i have no idea

day 18: sweets and junk, so addictive i always have to c/s something ( im trying to get rid of that habit )

day 19: i think 3 months ago before i rel4psed again

day 20: jesus diet <3

day 21: xs ( means nothing to americans though. )

day 22: 42.7 kg. i was eating only apples, nuts, chocolate, and oatmeal for couple months. i didnt even realize i weighed so little at the time. i gained after by binging everyday though

day 23: not really, only locals on twt or insta talking abt 3dtwt made me check it out.

day 24: im personally not for promoting 3ds as it krills people and its wrong to think others are below you just because they are bigger.

day 25: yes, its really gross and i hate the taste if some foods coming up, especially noodles because they comeout the same as they go in :/ i still think of doing it often.

day 26: being able to wear my lw clothes and being able to dress as i like !! i hope people will treat me better and worry abt me more.

day 27: i c/s if im trying to make people think i eat but i just stare at it sometimes with sadness.

day 28: i hate how big my thighs are and the only reason im gross is because i dont have them. what body i think is the prettiest is super lw ones and i wish to be them !!

day 29: for everyone ? being a kind person. for me ? being small and kind.

day 30: i like alt music, i love cats and cows, i love to collect bug pets, i wish to be a kinder person once im smaller, my fav colour is black, my hair is orange for the season 🍁, my birthday is in september, i love to draw !, i dont have any friends irl, i sorta collect squishmallows !

stats at the end are..: 48.6 ( while eating 😭 )

[saccharineshadow]

- Things in Ride The Cyclone I think about on the daily (SPOILERS!!!)

1. Jane’s head not being visible during the starting number “Karnak’s Dream of Life”

2. In “Fall Fair Suite” when everyone is looking down at Uranium City (from a place Im guessing is limbo) all of them smile or show some kind of joy or nostalgic feeling of sorts, all of them except for Mischa, since he didn’t grow up in Uranium City nor sees it the same way the rest of the choir see it

3. Jane’s Singing during “Fall Fair Suite”

4. Ocean confessing her discomfort before riding the cyclone, feeling rather unsafe (basically the fact she predicted her own doom)

5. The Choir’s catchphrases sort of predicting per say the member’s character development (Ex. Mischa’s catchphrase revealing his soft nature and vulnerability, Ocean’s catchphrase starting as a joke and ending up as her real perspective on things) or reveal something from their past life (Ex. Jane’s catchphrase being an animal fact either predicting she would become Penny or that she used to be Penny *reference to Legoland*)

6. Noel’s Catchphrase (it lives rent free in my head)

7. Jane trying unsuccessfully to get a hug from Ocean

8. Noel’s shadow being more feminine than himself in “Noel’s Lament” representing the version of himself he wished to be

9. The positioning of each member of the choir in each song representing their relationship to the one singing at the moment (Ex. Ocean being shafted and staying in the same pose in the back for the whole of “Noel’s Lament” as well as the major roles both Mischa and Ricky got in that same song)

10. Noel (Or Monique) playing with Ocean’s hair

11. Jane walking normally in "Noel's Lament" (it cracks me up srry)

12. Constance laughing at Mischa’s sarcastic responses to Ocean

13. The fact that Mischa mixed up the plots of Saw 5 and Saw 6 (the plot he describes is the one from Saw 6, not Saw 5 if im not mistaken)

14. Ocean’s song after “Noel’s Lament” (im just putting this one here cause it reminded me of my parents *especially my mom* asking me about the “morals” or if such was educational for pretty much everything *Videogames, Shows, etc*)

15. The fact that no one really knew Ricky for who he really was so they just went with the “Disabled=Literal Child that doesn’t know anything about the world” Therefore shocking the choir (Especially Ocean) when he says something “””perverted”””

16. On the same note, Ricky’s little speech about Porno and how taboo it became to talk about something completely natural and how demonized it is in our Society as a whole (very deep, magical indeed)

17. In some productions (or maybe just one idk), Mischa’s line about not being homophobic mentions the fact he’s watched all seasons of Rupaul’s Drag Race

18. Constance playing the Role of Mischa’s mother (which made me create the headcanon that Constance in some way reminds Mischa of his Mother)

19. I haven’t mentioned it yet but I like that every member has a little moment to talk before their song (except for Jane if I remember correctly)

20. Mischa having two songs (he deserves it tbh)

21. Jane discovering the existence of sunglasses

22. “I lay my masculinity on the altar of your maidenhood”

23. The beatdrop at the end of “Talia” representing Mischa’s rage at the fact he could never meet Talia and will never be able to talk to her again

24. On the same Note, (if Talia is even real in the first place) it’s possible Talia will never really know Mischa died

25. Ocean distorting what Noel was trying to say originally when Mischa was given the opportunity to see what could’ve happened if he met Talia

26. Karnak speeding up Ocean’s rambling

27. On the same note (i’ve used that phrase three times holy crap) Karnak messing with Ocean the whole show

28. The whole of Space Age Bachelor Man

29. "Oh my goodness what have I gotten myself into?"

30. "There's only one rule in the Space Age Bachelor Man Bible, Don't be a dick"

31. "We listen to you now Space Jesus"

32. The whole of "The Ballad of Jane Doe"

33. The shadow behind Jane having the form of wings

34. The New birthday song

35. The duo interactions after/During Jane's made up birthday

36. Constance's speech before "Sugar Cloud" (Jawbreaker) *that shit made me cry I relate to Constance so bad omg*

37. Ocean's Final Vote

38. The expressions of each member at the end showing fear and being unsure to cross to the other side, then showing acceptance and somewhat joy at the fact they will finally rest in peace

39. The Musical ends the same way it starts (Jane singing her part from "Karnak's Dream of Life" The rest of the choir going back to their positions when they rode the cyclone inicially)

40. That existencial dread that you get once you finish the show. Damn

Wow this was long and totally did not take like 3 days to put together but I had to get it out of the way

[h3rmess]

Do u want to hear a fun fact about me ?😍 yes? Wow!.

In 2023 august I had a painful tooth ache for 2 days. My mom tried planning an appointment for me at the dentist, but specifically during the week of 21-28 (I don't know I'm bluffing, but late august) they were BUSY. They were supposedly packed.

So my jaw becomes swollen, like REALLY swollen. My sharp jaw (that doesn't exist)? GONE. It was SWOLLEN. I looked HORRIBLE. my mom like "tf happened to u" so shes like, "bro PLEASE make an appointment. Hello???" and the dentist is like "nah dawg we got too much. Go to the ER or something."

Its now the 3rd day ish of it, and like 7 p.m. my mom like "vivian cmon beta we gotta go to the ER." And I'm like "HOLY SHIT." because I have a very high immune system. I hardly get sick. When I do, its not BAD (it kinda is, but whatev. because early 2023, I believe I got a really bad stomach bug. But other than that, I haven't been sick)

The nearest hospital (for context I live in a city, but right at the point where its like the border of the suburb and the city iykwim) was like 40 FLIPPING minutes. Or 30. IDK, I was pretty "WHAT THE FUCK" in this moment. My mom freaking hate car rides mostly. In my opinion, its because of the crazy ass drivers that drive their kids to school buts that a whole different topic. We drive to the hospital and since my ugly siblings weren't coming, I got the whole back seat to me. I get like a typical check up when we like sign in. their like "wait, we got patients" so we wait.

We ended up waiting like a whole hour.

When its my turn to go, I don't remember, but I'm in a small hospital room. They check my swollen jaw for like something idk.

also WEIRD encounter alert: the doctors (3 males, 2 very elderly men) but 1 was actually checking me. So he inserts his finger in my mouth. I swear to GOD he says "deep" just DEEP when he inserts his FINGER in my MOUTH. my MINOR mouth. My CHILD mouth. The 2 elderly men laugh. FUCKING LAUGH. like I swear to JESUS, my dead grandma, and that is all holy, I never felt anything more uncomfortable than fhat. And my MOTHER. The women that BIRTHED me was WATCHING. SITTING right in front of ME. Like I was still a petween (whatever its called) at the time!! Like HELLO??Remember my jaw was SWOLLEN. I couldn't SPEAK. I couldn't sing my fight song!!!

But thankfully they leave. I get an different doctors (2 lovely men) after that. Now its almost 8:30 pm.??.

also funny encounter (whatever considered funny to u hermes) the main doctor because the other doctor it was his first day at the job asked me how'd I like my water. I say small ice because like I mean a small quantity of ice. And he's like "okay your Highness" So ig that was funny.

Now heres the dumbness of me really comes because idk if the cat scan takes place before the funny encounter or after. But probably after if I had to guess. I don't know a cat scan is. So their fucking wheel chairing me to the cat scan room. Like pushhhhhhhh. I wanted to laugh but it hurt to speak. The cat scan itself was pretty kewl. I saw light buzzyear and woody anf other fictional characters. It was pretty weird to take off your shoes in a room full of adults but k.

i finished the cat scan. It was mostly looking up inside a literal tube canal thing. but light buzz year was innit so I'm pretty cool with it. Im back in my room now. They tell my mom something. Im staying in this hospital over night. Like I'm healthy mostly. I ain't ever get sick. Especially to the point of hospitalization. I've never been hospitalized at this point of my years of living.

So this is part 1 :p srry for info dumping.

Vivian lore!! >_<

HELP THIS IS SO INTERESTING

those damn doctors better get their hands off you unless they wanna see my alpha side 😈😈