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gaffney · 4 months

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USER GAFFNEY MAY WE GET HALLWAY / 9-LINE HCS FOR PRIDE MONTHS? doesn’t even have to be headcanons, just anything you want to say about them.

talking about them is like my favorite hobby so i love this ask. i'm gonna start with hallway and then write up another for 9line later

alright so you know how there’s this stereotypical family dynamic on tv that’s always like kids: mom can we go get ice cream mom: no you’ll ruin your appetite kids: dad, mom said we can go get ice cream dad (without bothering to double check): ok let’s go get ice cream mom (holding dinner): literally what the fuck

that’s jesse & charlie with the ducks. they’re team dads where the kids only listen to charlie when jesse’s not there lmaooo. at least until that part in d3 where charlie has a meltdown and the ducks are like wtf and file for emancipation…

BUT fulton & julie are always team charlie. guy & portman are always team jesse. russ, kenny & connie switch sides based on who knows how to bribe them better. averman plays both sides bc he's always trying to start something. adam tells charlie “of course i’m on your side” and then turns around and tells jesse the exact same thing while charlie’s still standing there going wtf. dwayne actually takes both sides which never makes any sense

jesse’s never called charlie spazway because he thinks it’s a stupid nickname (and being the king of GOOD nicknames, he’s totally right) and also because he’s been picking charlie’s butt back up whenever he trips since kindergarten so he knows that it bothers charlie more than he lets on. also, i wanna point out how in the novelization jesse never doubts charlie’s ability to take the last shot and even says “you’re our man” so all of the above is actually canon bc jesse believes in charlie’s capabilities as a player

also in the novelization jesse is the only other duck who also executes a triple deke so i like to hc that he practiced them with charlie 😌

they look for each other first!! d2 being a great example—when charlie is asked to round up the ducks, the person he starts with is jesse. when jesse doesn’t want to start the flying v because he’s still pissed with bombay, he looks charlie’s way because he doesn’t know what to do. and then there’s a couple of background scenes where you can see them look @ each other whenever something happens like they want validation. it’s cute

no one on the team talks about it but everyone knows jesse has a soft spot for charlie. this is also canon because in d2 there's that montage where everyone's paired off while adam's got his arm in a sling, right. it's hard to see but off to the side there's jesse, charlie & an unknown (who i assume is averman because everyone else is accounted for) as the only kids working as a trio (probably bc adam's out of the running and luis is trying to learn how to stop). anyway you can see jesse yank at the hockey stick that's connected to averman, causing averman to fall flat on his face, but is just letting charlie skate around peacefully lmao. it's true jesse hall plays favorites

also bombay pairs them off for drills so they can bother each other instead of bothering him this is 100% true

their families are close and charlie & casey spend a lot of christmases with the halls. jesse’s dad thinks charlie is literally the best kid in the world (he is) bc charlie’s always polite and considerate and helps jesse with his homework. casey thinks jesse is literally the best kid in the world (he is) because jesse’s kinda polite and considerate and helps charlie with his homework. at least until jesse's dad and casey get called into the principal's office because apparently they've just been copying each other's notes and playing video games

also for two people who are pretty emotional and combative, i think it’s pretty telling how they’ve never gotten mad at each other despite having conflicting views. jesse doesn’t pile on top of charlie to try and make him feel bad (like peter/karp do) despite being one of the first people to walk out on bombay. charlie doesn’t try and stop jesse from taking a stand against adam despite wanting to put the past behind them by accepting him into the team. like, even when they don’t agree with each other’s takes, they respect each other and i think that’s huge

anyway you know how you’ve got that one person who can basically read you like an open book (even after you haven’t seen them for a while) because they grew up with you and have been there for the weirdest shit? that’s charlie & jesse. like, fulton would be the best man at charlie’s wedding, but jesse’s the one who’d know charlie wouldn’t want a wedding in march because that’s when his grandpa got stung by a bee and died bc of an allergy or whatever. yes, charlie’s absentee dad is anthony bridgerton, you heard it here first

jesse isn’t a fan of pda unless he’s the one to initiate (which he does!!! sometimes!!!), but he never says anything when charlie blatantly disregards this and goes full-on clingy panda anyway. when confronted by this by the other ducks who totally think this is unfair, he acts like he has no idea what anyone’s talking about

charlie literally stopped talking to jesse for the entirety of d3 because he was still upset about him moving or rejecting the scholarship or whatever the reason is that he's not there, which is why the ducks never bring jesse up because i simply reject the canon where everyone ignores that he ever existed. when they make up, the team barely sees charlie for weeks bc he's holed up in jesse's room

SPEAKING OF. i’ve talked alot about charlie’s personality transplant but i think the problem with him taking center stage in d3 is that every conflict that spawned didn’t seem like it’d be a conflict d1/d2 charlie would have, except for his resistance to change (aka bombay/his father figure leaving). bc he was never the ducks’ ringleader. and not to dunk on his skills bc i am a nhl player charlie conway truther, but canonically he was never a great player either (to the point where it seems like in d2 he already made a full switch to assistant coach). he also never held a grudge against ‘cake-eaters/preppies’ – that’s all jesse. the writers were clearly aware of it and i think that’s partly why the movie’s a little jarring at times, because they had to “level up” charlie and pretend that person was always him (and i think this is also the reason why jesse was cut from the movie altogether). he even starts wearing pinky rings like jesse!!! anyway, all this to say that i think the writers are cowards, but i really do headcanon that charlie’s simply trying to emulate jesse in d3 because he (at first) doesn’t know how to lead the ducks without jesse there to take charge and also he misses him 😔

lastly some random stuff i basically always refer to in my fic: charlie always steals jesse's shit. jesse likes charlie's curly hair. they know how to read each other's body language but suck at actual verbal communication. i also think the idea of jesse hitting on linda because charlie never introduced them bc REASONS is hilarious, as per my latest fic. and that's it for now!!! stan hallway besties and boyfriends

#bashslash #the mighty ducks #charlie conway #jesse hall #hallway #as i always say i truly believe they're two sides of the same coin #yes i rambled thank u for ur time

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jungle-angel · 11 months

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*GASP* 19 and 20 for Miles please? 😊😊😊

Babes.......you had me at Miles Miller.......the genie shall grant thy wish!!!! (lol).

Miles hummed happily as Baby Jesse nested further into his chest, the tiny little baby all snuggled under his cowboy blanket and his blue knit cap warming his little head. Miles's whole entire hand covered his newborn son's little back, holding him safely with the other as the precious little one began falling asleep.

"Dada I got Jesse's blankie!" Benny proudly declared, hauling the heavy quilt into the room after it had been freshly washed and hung in the living room to dry.

"Oh Benny be careful buddy," Miles said, cringing a little as Benny dragged most of it behind him.

"Miles, relax," his mother assured him. "Your dad and I swept the floors earlier and I helped (y/n) with a few things, so it's no big deal."

"You sure Momma?"

"Yes I'm sure," Kathy assured him. "She's doing fine, no need to bring her to the hospital in Bozeman, but Jesse will probably have to go for shots tomorrow."

Miles cringed at the thought of it. He remembered the day after Benny had been born, taking him to the hospital in Lake Tahoe the day after to get his shots. Poor Miles had cried when he heard Benny wailing like a banshee, but it had proved to be for the better.

"You wanna stay the night in that case?" Miles asked her.

"I think we might," Kathy answered. "Snow's getting bad and I don't want your father falling and breaking a leg or some other bone on the ice."

"Plus it's colder than a witch's tit outside!" Otis called from the hallway.

"Hey watch your mouth Otis John!" Kathy ordered. "Your grandchildren are present!"

"I've watched my mouth for thirty years Kathleen Ellen!" Otis called back, laughing. "That's nothing compared to what the boy heard at their age."

"Oh don't even start," Kathy chuckled. "I'm still mad at your brother for teaching him to swear in fifteen different languages."

"It wasn't my fault that Frank learned how to curse in Chinese," Otis informed her.

"Yeah? And lest you forget that your father taught him some pretty obscene things in French and Spanish before you taught him how to drop F-bombs in Japanese."

"Hey when you spend a good year and a half driving a gunboat around Okinawa and having to spend fifteen days there after the fact, THEN come talk to me!"

Miles laughed and rolled his eyes at his parents banter. It made for great comedy in the end, listening to Otis and Kathy go back and forth, but when it came to getting the boys to go to sleep, that was a different matter.

You emerged from the bathroom to find your husband, sons and mother-in-law all in the same room, everything still sore as hell but relieved that at last you didn't have to be encumbered by your heavy bump.

"Oh honey c'mere, do you need help?" Kathy asked.

"Just a little," you said. "I'm still kinda sore, especially in the legs."

"Lets get you into bed then."

You changed into your favorite white lace nightgown, cut low enough just in case Jesse needed to be fed. Kathy left you both alone for the time being, leading Benny out of the room to tuck him into bed.

Once you were snug in your shared bed, you couldn't help but marvel at your husband and your precious little boy all snuggled against his father, nor could you ignore the soft look of pure love on Miles's face.

"My sweet little angel," Miles cooed softly, rubbing the tip of his nose against Jesse's. "You know, you're alot lighter than when you were in your momma's tummy."

You smiled a little listening to Miles coo to the little boy in his arms, but the moment Jesse's little fists went to his mouth, Miles brought him right back to you.

"I think he's hungry," Miles said with a chuckle.

You gently took Jesse from your husband, opening the front of your nightgown and letting your little one latch on. "Giving your daddy trouble I see," you laughed.

Miles felt a stirring in his chest, a deep desire to reach for the sketchbook and his charcoal pencil box to draw the intimate moment. His hands quietly sketched it all out on the thick paper, going from dark to light and shading everywhere in between until a clear image of you with Baby Jesse had formed on the page.

Miles had gone to turn the page when he was suddenly taken aback by an image on the other page, one of him all snuggled with the baby in the rocker, his lips forming a soft kiss on Jesse's head.

"Sweetheart did you.....?"

"I did," you answered, smiling broadly.

"When?"

"When you sat in the rocker earlier this morning after breakfast."

"You were supposed to be sleeping," Miles told you, the smile breaking out on his face.

You stuck your tongue out at Miles, playfully as you carefully switched Jesse to your other breast, laughing a little bit.

Miles kissed your lips sweetly, putting away his book and pencil set. "You need sleep," he told you. "As soon as he's done I'll tuck him in, but I want you sleeping."

"Yes dear," you laughed sleepily.

As soon as Jesse was done and all had been taken care of, Miles tucked him back into his crib at the foot of the bed, his tiny little belly full of milk and ready for sleep. Miles crawled in beside you and kissed you again, turning out the lights and settling in for a long winter's night.

#miles miller #miles miller x reader #bad times at the el royale

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wonderlandleighleigh · 2 years

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(Have I reached the pinnacle of self indulgence? It’s entirely possible.

An alternate universe Keg! Max! from Schneiders of Stars Hollow)

After the second “Jess, wait,” he rolls onto his back and takes a breath.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. That was-sorry.”

Rory frowns and sits up. “I don’t want it to happen here.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“What is going on with you?”

He stays silent for a long moment.

“Jess…”

He takes a breath and sits up, rubbing at his face. “I’m graduating.”

“Yes. That’s a good thing.”

“Right. But- I don’t know what happens next,” he admits. “You know? I don’t-what do I do now?”

Rory bites her lip as she listens. She knows his grades are so-so, but so-so isn’t good enough to a ton of schools, and he has no extracurriculars. Just two jobs he’s been juggling.

It’s no wonder he’s stressed out. Squeaking by to graduate, working two labor-intensive jobs. To say nothing of how hard Luke can be on him, and the complete lack of support from either of his parents. Adding to that how everyone in town tends to think the worst of him (including Rory herself sometimes…), it’s a wonder he hasn’t had a nervous breakdown.

She takes a breath and takes his hand. “Maybe you don’t need to know right away.”

“You do,” he points out.

“Yes, but I’m me,” she reminds him. “And we’re different. Maybe you just- need a break.”

He thinks that over. “It doesn’t sound…bad. A break. What kinda break?”

Rory shrugs. “I don’t know. I have a couple of weeks between graduation and Europe. Maybe we could take a roadtrip. Go up to New York. Just…spend a day or two getting lost.”

“I don’t get lost in New York,” Jess reminds her.

“You know what I mean,” she chides.

He nods slowly, thinking about all of this. “It sounds nice. Your mom will freak out. The two of us alone together, out of town. Luke will lose his mind.”

“We’re grownups now,” she points out. “They can’t actually stop us.”

Jess lifts an eyebrow. “Gilmore, you rebel.”

She shoves his shoulder playfully. “The point is, a day or two to clear your head, really think about things. You have plenty of time to figure out what comes next. And I can help.” She hops off the bed and tugs him to his feet. “Now c’mon. Lane’s band is gonna do another set, I don’t wanna miss it.”

He doesn’t move for a moment. “Rory?”

She turns to him curiously.

“I uh…” he stammers, looking at his shoes. “I just-I really-”

Rory smiles slowly and kisses him. “Me too. Really.”

He nods, and follows her out of the bedroom, pulling him down the stairs, only to run into Dean.

“What’s goin on?” he demands, looking from Rory to Jess and back again.

“Nothing,” Rory tells him.

Jess rolls his eyes, letting Rory’s hand go. “Gonna get a beer.”

He doesn’t get far, though.

“Dean, no!”

It happens so fast. Dean grabs Jess by the jacket, and Rory somehow manages to put herself in-between them, managing to catch Dean’s fist in the jaw, sending her reeling back into Jess.

“What the fuck, man!” Jess yells, turning Rory away from Dean to put more distance between them.

Dean stands there, frozen, completely stunned at what’s just happened.

“Rory, I coulda taken the punch,” Jess childes, obviously panicking as he takes her face in his hands, looking over her quickly-bruising jaw.

“S’fine,” she says, dazed. “I’m good. I’ve never been punched before. Good-good experience before college, because you never know.”

“Okay, time to go home,” Jess tells her, glaring back at Dean. “You, I should kill.”

Dean says nothing, still stunned. “I-I-I didn’t mean to-”

“Save it,” Jess snarls, before guiding Rory to the door.

*****

“A perk of living above a diner,” Jess tells her as he comes back with a bag of ice. “Industrial ice machine.”

She sighs and takes the bag, pressing it to her purpling jaw. “Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.”

“So what you wanna do,” Jess tells her as he sits next to her. “The next time somebody tries to punch you, is put up your arms to block.” He takes the bag and presses it to her jaw for her. “But what you really wanna do next time, is just let me take the punch.”

“You didn’t do anything to deserve the punch,” Rory reminds him.

“Neither did you.”

“He was coming after you because of me,” Rory argues. “Ugh. I feel nauseous.”

“You might have a concussion,” Jess points out. “Maybe I should take you to the hospital.”

“No way,” Rory tells him. “My mom will freak.”

“You got punched in the face, she’s gonna freak no matter what,” Jess points out.

“Are there cheese fries?” Rory asks. “I bet cheese fries would make me feel better.”

Jess shakes his head. “Unbelievable.”

“Jess?” Luke voice calls from upstairs as he steps down. “Jess, what ha-” he stops dead when he sees Rory. “What the hell happened?!”

Rory winces. “Not so loud, please.”

“Why does Rory look like she took a punch?” Luke asks, bewildered as she walks over, shoving Jess out of the way to inspect her bruised jaw.

“Oh, that’s because I did,” Rory explains. “We were at a party, and Dean tried to punch Jess and I kind of got in-between them, and Dean hit me instead by accident.”

“What the hell did you do to deserve a punch?” Luke, asks, turning to Jess.

“He didn’t do anything,” Rory insists. “Really, Dean made some assumptions and got upset and then right in the kisser. Or…jawbone, really.”

“She wants cheese fries,” Jess comments.

“Fine, go make her cheese fries. I’m gonna call Lorelai.”

“Which means I’m gonna hide upstairs after I make the cheese fries,” Jess tells them.

Rory groans and gets to her feet, obviously a little wobbly. “Jess…”

“She’s gonna blame me,” Jess reminds her. “She’s gonna take one look, know deep down in her mom bones that this was my fault, and I’m never gonna be able to see you again, mostly because I’m pretty sure she dug a hole in your backyard when we started dating with the express purpose of throwing me in it and burying me alive.”

“Then I will dig you back up,” Rory promises. “Just…stay. Please?”

He sighs heavily and nods, heading for the kitchen.

Rory sits back down heavily and closes her eyes, taking the ice and putting it back on her jaw. “Can I call my mom, Luke? I think she’d take it better hearing it from me.”

*****

Lorelai rushes into the diner, incensed. “So let me get this straight,” she snaps as she sits down with her daughter, who still has an ice pack on her jaw, and is eating cheese fries. “Let me see if I have the sequence of events correct here, because I feel like I have lost my mind: You went to this party. Jess was taking some alone time upstairs, and you went to find him. You guys made out a little, and then talked-”

“A very good conversation,” Rory tells her. “He’s not sure what he’s gonna do after graduating, and he’s been so stressed out about-”

“You went back downstairs, with the intention of rejoining the party with your friends. Dean saw the two of you coming downstairs from a bedroom, assumed the worst, tried to punch Jess, and you got in front of him?”

“That’s about right,” Rory nods, but then winces. “Ouch. How long does this sting for?”

“A day or so after,” Jess says as he sets a cup of coffee down in front of Lorelai, who grabs him by the shirt. “Okay.”

“You,” she snaps. “You are supposed to make sure my daughter doesn’t get punched!”

“I didn’t know she was gonna jump in front of me! I was bracing to get hit!”

“Mom, it’s not Jess’s fault,” Rory tells her. “It’s not. I knew if Dean punched Jess, Jess was going to hit him back, and it was going to be a huge, terrible mess, so I took one for the team.”

“What team?” Lorelai asks, bewildered. “Rory, you could have really been hurt.”

“I’m pretty sure I have a concussion,” Rory tells her, shoveling more food into her mouth. “But the calories are really making me feel better.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” Lorelai asks.

“Oh, I’m really mad,” Rory tells her. “I’m so mad at Dean the next time I see him I might- poke him in the eye or- step on his foot really really hard. I’m angry. But my jaw really hurts, and I don’t feel so good so rage will have to wait.”

Lorelai huffs and shakes her head, looking up at Jess and finally letting go of his shirt. “Can you get us a to-go box?. I’m gonna take her home.”

“I’m gonna finish them here,” Rory tells her. “I’m almost done. The food makes my head feel better.”

Lorelai huffs and sits back. “Okay. Well. I’m gonna call Dean’s mother in the morning. Tell her he’s slugging unsuspecting future Yale undergrads in the face.”

“I was not unsuspecting,” Rory argues. “I knew.”

“She didn’t put up her arms,” Jess says. “You’re supposed to put up your arms.”

“Duly noted. Again.”

#fic #au #Gilmore Girls #The Schneiders of Stars Hollow #Jess x Rory #Literati #Luke Danes #Lorelai Gilmore #and uh Dean

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bi-lavelent · 2 months

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Lone Wolf (Quinn Fabary x Fem-reader part17)

Warning: Fluff, Angst, Cussing, Bullying, Smut

McKinley high glee club:

Schue held up a list ranking all of the Glee members based off sexiness.

“This is serious principal Figgins is threatening to disband the club.” Schue said

“Why are we playing this game we all know it was Puck.” Santana said

“Back off I didn’t do squat.” Puck said

“Then why’s your girlfriend first on the glist.” Tina said

“Why is Puck even at the top? He should be, like, negative 3000.” Hope said

“Why are you bullying me?” Puck asked

“Because my sisters not here anymore to knock you down a couple pegs.” Hope said

“The only reason your sister hates me is cause she wants to get into the pants of all the girls I’ve had sex with.” Puck said

“Well I didn’t know that. If wasn’t you it was Jesse.” Hope said

“Why me?” Jesse said

“Cause you finally got away from the low lighted library and realized Rachel looks like an ogre. That’s why you put Mostly all women at the top.” Hope said

“Stop no one’s accusing anybody of anything seriously Puck did you do it?” Schue asked

“I said no I’m a delinquent sure I like setting stuff on fire and beating up pepole I don’t know. I own that. But I’m not a liar.” Puck said

“What to say it’s not one of the women.” Hope said

“Yeah like you.” Rachel said

“Hello no if it was me I wouldn’t be in sixth place. I would put myself at the top baby.” Hope said

“Okay here’s the important point between this and posting coach Sylvester’s personal video on YouTube. You guys are getting a pretty bad reputation.” Schue said

“Why is that a bad thing maybe if we seem more dangerous people would stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.” Artie said

“Look things are hard right now I get it your under a lot of pressure with regionals coming up and I know that winning sectionals hasn’t had the positive effect on your popularity that a lot of you thought it would. But becoming what you despise is not the answer.” Schue said

“Man this song is whack.” Mercedes said

“No it’s not it’s a terrific song on a long list of top hits that because of time or some bad press has become a joke and like you guys it time to start rehabilitating it’s bad reputation. The assignment for the week is for all of you to find songs like this mine them for what works and make them great again and then hopefully you can apply this musical lesson to your own lives.” Schue said

“This song should be arrested for the crime of sucking.” Jesse said

“You wanna bet.” Schue said

Yo VIP, let's kick it Ice, ice baby Ice, ice baby

Alright stop, collaborate and listen Ice is back with my brand new invention Something grabs a hold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know Turn off the lights, and I'll glow

To the extreme, I rock a mic like a vandal Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle Dance, go rush to the speaker that booms I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom

Deadly, when I play a dope melody Anything less than the best is a felony Love it or leave it, you better gangway You better hit bull's eye, the kid don't play If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby

Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla

Now that the party is jumping With the bass kicked in, and the Vegas are pumping Quick to the point, to the point, no faking Cooking MCs like a pound of bacon Burning them, if you ain't quick and nimble I go crazy when I hear a cymbal And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo I'm on a roll, it's time to go solo

Rollin' in my 5.0 With my rag-top down so my hair can blow The girlies on standby, waving just to say "Hi" "Did you stop?" No, I just drove by Kept on, pursuing to the next stop I busted a left, and I'm heading to the next block The block was dead, yo So I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis Jealous, 'cause I'm out getting mine Shay with a gauge, and Vanilla with a nine Ready for the chumps on the wall The chumps acting ill because they're full of eight ball Gunshots rang out like a bell I grabbed my nine, all I heard were shells Falling on the concrete real fast

Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas Bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack Police on the scene, you know what I mean They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla

Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet Miami's on the scene, just in case you didn't know it My town, that created all the bass sound Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground 'Cause my style's like a chemical spill Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept

We make it hype, and you want to step With this, Shay plays on the fade Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade So fast, other DJs say "Damn!" If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram

Keep my composure, when it's time to get loose Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it Check out the hook while D-Shay revolves it

Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice, ice baby Vanilla Ice Yo man, let's get out of here Word to your mother

Ice, ice baby, too cold Ice, ice baby, too cold, too cold Ice, ice baby, too cold, too cold Ice, ice baby, too cold, too cold

“Pls don’t rap again or else I will walk out that door.” Hope said

“So Jesse, Hope do you think this song still sucks?” Schue asked

“No but please I’m begging you never rap again.” Hope said

At Crawford

“okay guys this weeks theme is songs that got canceled. Originally it was gonna be country songs that got canceled. But I’ve realized that country artist can get away with saying almost anything. So find a song that was canceled rather by the public or by the industry as a whole or by the artist themselves. Like Eminem with cleaning out my closet.” I said

”An example please.” Jess said

“Okay. Loretta lanes the pill.” I said

You wined me and dined me When I was your girl Promised if I'd be your wife You'd show me the world But all I've seen of this old world Is a bed and a doctor bill I'm tearin' down your brooder house 'Cause now I've got the pill

All these years I've stayed at home While you had all your fun And every year that's gone by Another baby's come There's a gonna be some changes made Right here on nursery hill You've set this chicken your last time 'Cause now I've got the pill

This old maternity dress I've got Is goin' in the garbage The clothes I'm wearin' from now on Won't take up so much yardage Miniskirts, hot pants and a few little fancy frills Yeah I'm makin' up for all those years Since I've got the pill

I'm tired of all your crowin' How you and your hens play While holdin' a couple in my arms Another's on the way This chicken's done tore up her nest And I'm ready to make a deal And ya can't afford to turn it down 'Cause you know I've got the pill

This incubator is overused Because you've kept it filled The feelin' good comes easy now Since I've got the pill It's gettin' dark it's roostin' time Tonight's too good to be real Oh, but daddy don't you worry none 'Cause mama's got the pill Oh, daddy don't you worry none 'Cause mama's got the pill

I went home and started looking for songs.

“What is your lesson in glee club this week?” I asked Santana

“Finding songs that lost their traction because of bad press or too much time. How about you babe what do you have to do.” Santana asked

“Pretty much the same songs that have been canceled rather by the public, the industry or the artist themselves.” I said

“Well maybe we could help each other look. I mean we’re not competing against each other yet.” Santana said

I stopped by McKinley the next day I was sitting in Coach Sylvester’s office.

“Coach Sylvester will you please put me and Brittnay at the front of the next cheer performance.” Santana said running in

“No we are supposed to be there right Coach Sylvester.” Mercedes said

“Calm down will you. Also I have no say in what you guys will do.” I said sitting in Sues chair

“Why are you here?” Santana asked

“My monthly meeting with Sue.” I said

“What is she your therapist?” Kurt asked

“Yes, Yes, I am trust me I know more about her than you guys do.” Sue said

“Sue play nice they were just asking a question.” I said

“They put a video of me on the internet.” Sue said

“THEY did what? IF I found out that was ANY OF YOU THREE. YOU know what just know that when I found out who it is that I will have a serious talking with you and By that I Mean I will find a video of them and post it on the internet. unless the person who posted the video comes here by the end of the day and APOLOGIZES.” I said angrily

“Everyone except for Y/N get out now.” Sue yelled

“Anything else I should know.” I asked

“There’s a glee sex list circling around.” Sue said

“I leave for a couple months and those kids act like there’s no consequences.” I said

“How are you doing?” Sue asked

“Not good Sue, I have fallen head over hills in love with her and I’m scared the lay person who I felt like this about was the father of my child and he left me. What if she leaves me.” I said

“Are you kidding me I’m rooting for you and Santana.” Sue said

“Thanks sometimes I just don’t think that she feels the same. I feel like every second I’m not here at McKinley she fades further away from me.” I said

“Santana hi how long have you been standing there.” Sue asked I refused to look back

“Coach can I have a moment ?” Santana asked

“Sure.” Sue said

“Baby look at me. I do feel the same okay I agree that it hard to be apart I do but nothing gonna change my feelings for you and I was thinking that after regionals that maybe I could transfer.” Santana said

“No you’re not throwing away being a cheerio for me.” I said

“It isn’t for you. If I have a chance to be stuck here in Lima then I’d rather be out of here and if that means being at the same school as you then I would be happy to be there with you.” Santana said

“I didn’t want to be a burden to you but I’ve just been really worried about us lately.” I said

“There’s no more need to worry. Come on let’s go ditch school together in the library in the computer room.” Santana said

“No one uses the computer room.” I said

“You’re right it’s the perfect place to make out.” Santana said

“Hell yeah.” I said

We were sat in the computer room making out when we heard music. We went out of the computer room to see Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Artie and Brittnay dancing and singing can’t touch this.

You can't touch this You can't touch this You can't touch this You can't touch this

My, my, my, my (You can't touch this) Music hits me so hard Makes me say "Oh, my Lord Thank you for blessing me With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"

It feels good when you know you're down A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown And I'm known as such And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch

I told you, homeboy You can't touch this Yeah, that's how we livin', and ya know You can't touch this

Look in my eyes, man You can't touch this Yo, let me bust the funky Iyrics You can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants You got it like that Now you know you wanna dance So, move outta your seat And get a fly girl And catch this beat While it's rolling

Hold on Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on Like that, like that Cold on a mission, so fall on back Let 'em know that you're too much And this is a beat, uh, they can't touch

Yo, I told you You can't touch this Why you standing there, man? You can't touch this Yo, sound the bell, school's in, sucker You can't touch this

Give me a song or rhythm Making them sweat, that's what I'm giving them Now, they know You talk about the Hammer When you're talkin 'bout a show That's hyped and tight Singers are sweatin' So pass them a wipe or a tape To learn What it's gonna take in the 90's to burn The chart's legit Either work hard or you might as well quit

That's word, because, you know You can't touch this You can't touch this Break it down!

Stop, Hammer time!

"Go with the flow", it is said If you can't groove to this, then you probably are dead So, wave your hands in the air Bust a few moves Run your fingers through your hair

This is it, for a winner Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner Now move, slide your rump Just for a minute, let's all do the bump (Bump, bump, bump)

Yeah You can't touch this Look, man You can't touch this

You'll probably get hyped, boy, 'cause you know you can't You can't touch this Ring the bell, school's back in Break it down!

Stop, Hammer time!

You can't touch this You can't touch this You can't touch this Break it down!

Stop, Hammer time!

Every time you see me That Hammer's just so hype I'm dope on the floor And I'm magic on the mic

Now, why would I ever Stop doing this With others making records That just don't hit?

I toured around the world From London to The Bay It's "Hammer! Go, Hammer! MC Hammer! Yo, Hammer!" And the rest can go and play "U Can't Touch This"

You can't touch this You can't touch this Yeah You can't touch this

I told you You can't touch this Too hype, you can't touch this Yo, we're outta here You can't touch this

“That was very cute I’m gonna talk to my pastor and see if I can’t get you guys to perform that for our Sunday service.” The librarian said

“Just a Normal day at McKinley.” I said

“Let’s get back to what we were doing.” Santana said

“You know we could just go out to my car I can put window covers up that way we can make sure that no one sees us.” I said

“Hell yeah.” Santana said

We went out to my car I put up the sun protector in all the windows and we continued to make out.

I got called into Mr.Schue’s office.

“Admit it you made a list of people in glee to have sex with.” Schue said

“Can I see what you’re talking about.” I said

“Here.” He said showing the paper

“No, yes that’s definitely a list but it’s not my list. My list consists of four names

1. Santana

2. Quinn

3. Brittnay

4. Tina

Trust me if Tina’s not on the list and Brittnay’s in fourth and Santanas in second trust me I didn’t make this list. But I would totally post a revised one with the actual hot members of the glee club which wouldn’t have Puck in third but dead fucking last. Know if you ask anyone ask the top four. I also would have ranked them over who to have sex with.” I said leaving

“Hey Y/N one last thing Rachel wanted me to invite you to see her music video tomorrow during glee. If you can’t make it.” Schue said

“Yeah I’ll be there.” I said

The next day during glee I was sat next to Santana as it was the only open seat. Not that I was complaining. “Listen up another week as almost passed if a list goes up later today this issue is out of hands and it becomes principal Figgins jurisdiction.” Mr.Schue said

“Seriously Mr.Schue whoever made the list isn’t gonna come forward so will just bend over and take what’s coming.” Finn said

“That’s not true okay I lied it was me but it isn’t based off sexiest from my view it’s based off who the school finds the sexiest.” I said

“Why am I fourth?” Brittnay asked

“Because if I put three women first Schue would have definitely known it was me. I stand by what I said to Schue if it was from my point of view Santana, Then Quinn, Then Brittnay.” I said

“No tell us the entire way you would rank us?” Santana said

“You know what yeah if you actually made the list tell us unless you want us to think that you would fuck Puck.” Finn said

“Santana, Quinn, Brittnay, Tina, Mercedes, Rachel, Artie, Mike, Kurt, Finn, Matt, Hope, Puck.” I said

“You find your sister sexy.” Finn said

“No but I don’t want to kill her when I look at her. But I want to kill Puck when I look at him.” I said

”Okay well then let’s get to it Rachel how about you show us your bad reputation project.” Schue said

“I would like to say a few words first but I know that a motion picture should stand on its own. I do realize that some of you are not well versed in the complex vocabulary of the filmic arts. I expect that this video will go over the heads of some of our less cultured teammates. So let me just say I hope you enjoy my bad reputation.” Rachel said

youtube

“Why don’t we take a moment to absorb what we just watched.” Rachel said

“No this is garbage.” Finn said

“Finn.” Schue said

“No he’s right. first of all I need to trust my instincts more because I had a feeling when we were shooting that. That it was not gonna be good.” Puck said

“Why didn’t you tell me they were gonna be in this to. I thought that you and I were going out. Being triple cast with two other guys to play opposite your girlfriend it’s mortifying.” Jesse said

“It was an artistic statement.” Rachel said

“No it wasn’t it was you trying to look like you had a bunch of guys fighting over you so you can stop looking like some kind of outcast and be seen as some hot sluty girl singer.” Finn said getting up and going over to Rachel “How could you do this to me. To all us guys is your stupid reputation more important than your relationships.” Finn said leaving followed by Jesse

“Jesse wait.” Rachel said

“Rachel that was more embarrassing than Y/N ranking all of us.” Quinn said

“I agree I am some more embarrassed by second hand embarrassment than I was when that tape got leaked.” I said

After class Quinn hoped in my car.

“What are you doing?” I asked

“You didn’t post that sheet.” Quinn said

”Yes I did.” I said

“No you didn’t because I did.” Quinn said

“Why?” Quinn said

“My popularity has been taken away, my body has been taken away everything. So I put myself above everybody else.” Quinn said

“Well if it makes you feel better I will always see you as top of the food chain. Look I know that I don’t know what it’s like to be popular and lose it. But that list really hurt me so if you don’t mind letting me believe that I made the list and that’s why I’m not on it and that don’t view me as much of a loser as you view Kurt, Artie, Mercedes and Tina. Then I’ll be fine.” I said

“I don’t view you as a loser.” Quinn said

“Oh really well then why am I not on the list. Look I put you in second and I stand by that you are one of the sexiest people in that glee club.” I said

“Then why was Santana higher?” Quinn asked

“Because I am dating her. Oh shit I shouldn’t have said that.” I said

“Don’t worry your keeping me having a crush on Rachel a Secret I will keep you and Santana a secret although the whole glee club already knows.” Quinn said

“What how?” I asked

”You too can’t keep your hands off each other. The entire glee club meeting your hand was on her crotch.” Quinn said

“Well it still doesn’t explain why I wasn’t on the list.” I said

“Because Rachel’s not my number one girl crush anymore you are but I also knew that I put you high on the list Santana would be all up in my business you got a jealous one you know.” Quinn said

“Yes I’m aware I find it hot.” I said

“Okay well I’m gonna drive home, I’ll talk to you again soon.” Quinn said getting out of my car

“Bye.” I said

I drove off back towards Santanas house.

“So what do you see number one takes you for a spin.” Santana said as soon as I opened the door

“Damn your hot but I’m not feeling too good right now.” I said

“Okay then how about dinner and a make-out movie.” Santana said

”Sounds great.” I said

“You know I thought that Jesse was gay.” I said

“What makes you say that ?” Santana asked

“I don’t know a siren went off in my head the second I saw him. If he’s not gay he’s at least bisexual.” I said

“What am I ?” Santana asked

“You don’t know yet you’re not like me and Jesse when you’re a senior you will know what kind of people you love.” I said

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compacflt · 2 years

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Watching battleship right now and it got me thinking about ur post wondering how maverick and ice would react to current recruitment methods like e-girls and I just have to wonder what their thoughts would have been about this movie. It's more focused on the ships and not so much the fighter jets, obviously, but still...just a giant ad for the Navy. Also Rihanna which is perhaps the most important part of it all.

im no whitemanologist but if ice & mav are anything like my dad theyd probably think it’s some pretty sick shit

full disclosure: had not seen battleship until just now, when i watched it so i could answer this ask. thoughts: man, what a waste of jesse plemons! actually the whole cast is kinda stacked: liam neeson COMPACFLT (fuck yeah), Rihanna, alexander skarsgard….. woof. and yeah, it’s a gigantic fuck-you ad for the navy, but even i got a freedom boner when they hopped on *that ship* at the very end (70-year-old ordnance notwithstanding). like, i get it. that kinda whipped ass actually.

as recruitment material it’s very interesting. *guy who has only ever seen top gun watching any other movie* WOW JUST LIKE TOP GUN!!! no, but seriously, all these pro-Navy pro-mil movies are pushing a characterization of the military & the people in it that is laughably absurd. Our main character is always some guy who’s quietly very talented but outwardly a huge asshole who never plays by the rules & stays in the institution that gives him power only by the skin of his teeth. These movies are about *belonging* and push a message that even the most screwy of screw-ups can find their place in the military with a little patriotism and perseverance (maverick voice: “just wanna serve my country and be the best fighter pilot in the Navy, SIR”)—when that’s clearly not true. so, yes, in Battleship hopper is our asshole persevering main character who does everything (EVERYTHING) wrong until he just happens to do one thing right (read sun tzu I guess?) & gets a command of his own. The message is, join the navy, doesn’t matter how much of a fuck-up you are in real life, you too can excel & be recognized & get the outrageously hot chick & lead other men & have immense power….

…when we get invaded by aliens. cause that’s always the other part of these movies that kinda confuses me: unless it’s a historical movie (black Hawk down, american sniper, SPR, hacksaw ridge etc) in the modern age of pro-mil movies we have to make up an enemy to propagandize. TGM’s “fifth-gen fighter” advanced nation, for instance. Not Russia and not Iran and not DPRK, some other shitholistan that isn’t made of real people so we can drop fictional bombs on them without feeling bad. And these fictional enemies are always more advanced than us, because we are perpetual underdogs (& have been since the AmRev war, it’s part of our historical DNA). But… that discrepancy doesn’t reflect reality, obvi. If Tom Cruise hadn’t wanted to film inside real planes, TGM could’ve been a 5-minute short film of an F-35 dropping a precision guided bunker buster from 40,000 feet. like, we have the logistical/materiel capability to execute pretty much any mission we want with little to no actual struggle. But that makes for poor propaganda storytelling. So… aliens it is

It is also worth engaging with Top Gun: Maverick as a recruitment text in and of itself, and I don’t mean like “oh planes cool = people want to join the navy” I mean, this is a movie where the CORE EMOTIONAL TENET is that a kid who wanted to be in the navy got shut out & is still pissed about it. The central emotional tenet of TGM is Rooster trying to finally prove to Maverick that he IS ready to join the Navy. The whole movie is built upon the assumption that the Navy is someplace You Want To Be. It’s not just a recruitment text, it’s a recruitment story. And again, it’s asshole-rule-breaker Maverick who juuuuust manages to stay in because he’s actually super talented all along and not actually a fuck-up, and the Navy legitimizes him as a person (in my reading, as a man) at the end… warlock voice: “You’re where you belong.” Is he, though? All the evidence seems to suggest otherwise!

#ice & mav walking out of the TGM theatre: …well that was fucking stupid #’how come rooster didn’t just do NROTC in college it would’ve taken just the same amount of time’#’how can an O-6 who makes 80-90k a year afford a 4 million dollar plane’#’how come they didn’t wait another 30 seconds to fire the tomahawks so the time limit could be 3 mins instead of 2.30’#i think it’s like #you know how doctors can’t watch scrubs/any other medical drama #I bet that’s how it is for military personnel too #‘that would never happen in real life’ etc etc #so maybe ice & mav wouldn’t think battleship was sick shit after all #i liked the aliens’ goatees #thank you for the ask & thank you for thinking of me :)#sorry i turned it into an essay #asks #top gun maverick #top gun meta #?#i take my ‘mav is incredibly ooc in tgm’ opinion extremely seriously #wait i might be wrong about the nrotc i maybe meant to say OTS #u know what i mean

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typewriter83 · 22 days

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Pheww... Oh man, I missed this story.

So, let's Review!!!

First, I live how ellie's first instinct was going to Bill and Franks house after seeing her apartment wasn't an option that moment (and also, a little break to tell how much that whole scene seemed like two grandpas comforting and sheltering their granddaughter). We see that Bill knew (and was sure) about joel's affair with ellie since she started to speak about the fight, meanwhile Frank is also suspecting but doesn't jump to the conclusion as something verdict. I was as curious as ellie when she was overhearing their conversation (I was like "nooo" when we couldn't read anymore what frank was saying), and I'm very interested what they think about it. Anways.

Jesse and Dina. I already forgave Dina, and I'm on my way to forgive Jesse too. I feel like he's still reluctant to accept that a minor-not--minor is dating a grown man (he's such a good boy), but I feel like he's going to eventually not care anymore.

Tommy and Maria. Was hard not to be mad at them this whole chapter. Okay, I knew Tommy was maria's puppy, but I thought that after the church scene and everything he was going to kick the bucket and be like "you know what? Fuck it. Joel, do what you want 👍" but no, homeboy is really scared of having a divorce. Maria... Man I don't even wanna talk about her but I have to. Look, I understand her (If I saw a man dating an underage girl irl I would lose my head too) but she's so selective on the things she worries about, that's the part that she looses the reason to me. Ellie is not child enough to study, but she's child enough to have some religious therapy against her will. Ellie is not a little girl enough to be forced to live with her and tommy, but she's a little girl whenever she's next to big bad wolf Joel? She contradicts herself. It's like Bill said, Maria was just waiting for Joel to step on thin Ice, at the first opportunity to label him a pedophile, she did so. I hope she feels really guilty about what happened to ellie, because even tho I know the the aggressor is the only one who is to blame, maria also has at least a finger on this whole shit too. Ellie said everything she deserved to hear.

Talking about ellie... SHE SAYS SHE LOVES HIM AAAAKSJKSJDJDJD oh god, okay let's breathe. Okay, so, I really thought Joel would be the first one to say these little words (I usually love when it happens like that; the man confessing first) but I like how ellie did there, with no fear (I really I thought Maria was going to faint at that or scream like a banshee. Imagine if ellie had said "oh, and I'm pregnant too" lmao). This leads me to think that joel is going to say he loves her too next chapter (I'm wondering if it's before the 🌶️🌶️🌶️👀).

Also, when you say you gonna end this arc and planning others, that means the story is not close to ending, right? You think this will be a long fic or no? Honestly I wouldn't even care if you wrote about their daily life even if there's no drama plot anymore, I got so attached to It.

Anways, loved the chapter and now I can't wait for more (I can tho)❤️

Sweet cub, you always have the most extensive, amazing analysis - if you’re the same cub that always leaves these comments 🩷

Let’s dig in: chapter 10 spoilers below

I’ve missed this story too, and like everything else, writing angst, drama and action takes extra time, and time was not something I had to offer of the summer. Now that we’re into the school year I have more time to dedicate to this. To answer the end of your comment: this is a long story, and the second one will be long (hopefully) as I have some ideas for the next arc. Will it be 100k words long? I don’t know how big it’ll be. But I do have another story to tell in this universe.

I love having Bill and Frank here - I have more planned for them, interacting with Joel and making a role in the town. Frank wants to see the best in everyone, including Joel, and he wants what’s best for the town - Frank should be on the council, but he’s just too kind and gentle, best for the grandpas to run their little corner of Jackson and take care of the people in their own way. But Bill, I think he’s the type that as long as no one is getting hurt, it’s the end of the world and there are no rules.

I have a soft spot for Jesse and Ellie’s relationship in all universes, so we had to mend that wound. Also, keep an eye on Jesse as we start to navigate Tommy…

Speaking of Tommy. Tommy has a lot at stake: his marriage, his son, his brother, his status in town - he’s made a name for himself in Jackson, a good name. People trust him, look to him as a de facto leader and even Joel doesn’t want to ruin that. I mentioned in an earlier response that Maria needs to be knocked down a few pegs, needs to get things into perspective - she also has a lot at stake, a lot to lose if she’s not careful. I think Maria wants to keep such a tight grip on the safety of Jackson, that her intentions are good, but the way she goes about it isn’t always great. I’m not saying Maria is gonna make a 180 before the story is over, but she’s got some soul searching to do.

I wish I could remember where I posted a headcanon about Ellie and “But Daddy I Love Him” - it basically looks like what you said. “Maria, there’s really nothing you can do - I’m having his baby” and Joel is standing there looking her over like… what? Yeah, ok, don’t mess with my girl… and he kind of leans close. “What are you doing? Because we haven’t… you know…” “Joel, if you can’t say sex or fuck, then you’re not ready for it… also, no, of course I’m not. But you should see your face” 🤭

Joel has said those little words first in most of my stories, and I love that, too. However, Ellie shouting it in her tirade, before she’s even said it to him had speaks volumes. The spice in the next chapter… well, I enjoyed writing it 🤭🤭 I hope you enjoy reading it. Our girl was traumatized and at some point, she needs Joel… that’s all I’m saying.

I’m so glad you enjoyed 🩷 it was a lot to write but I wanted to cross that 100k milestone, and here we are! I’m pivoting to the other story, for at least one if not two chapters before coming back here for the finale

🫶🏻

#mama bear speaks #ask away!#joellie #ellie x joel #joel x ellie #ltw ao3

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werewolfbansheelove · 7 months

Text

Bad Reputation (Glee Kids)

I'm excluding the adults parts

Some glee members were laughing at a video of someone dancing to Olivia Newton John's Physical. Finn (enters the room): What’s so funny?

Rache and Jesse enter the room. Rachel: You aren’t watching the video of me falling off stage at my first Tiny Tots beauty pageant?

Kurt: That was Carrot-Top funny compared to this comedic tour de force.

Jesse: That’s Olivia Newton-John's "Physical." It was pretty groundbreaking subject matter at the time considering its depiction of fluid sexuality.

Mercedes: (Laughing) Oh, my G- Wait, wait.

Finn then realized: That’s not Olivia Newton-John. That’s -That’s Sue Sylvester.Where did you get this?

Kurt: I can tell you that I certainly did not steal it from her locked file cabinet yesterday when she sent me back to her office to get her hormone replacement injection during Cheerios practice. (Laughs)

Artie: Wait. Did she just do the Cabbage Patch?

[Mercedes Laughs]

Finn: I’m posting this on YouTube.

Rachel: No, no, wait, wait. Do you think that’s a good idea? She might kill us.

Mercedes: Oh, let her get a taste of some of the humiliation she put us through.

Jesse: I’m with Finn. You guys need to stop being such asses and start being badasses.

Finn smiled at Jesse as he took the laptop. Finn: Ten bucks it goes viral by lunch.

–—––—

Will held up a list with some names on the list. Will: Who did it? This is serious. Principal Figgins is threatening to disband the club.

Santana: Why are we playing this game? We all know it was Puck.

Puck: Back off. I didn’t do squat.

Tina: Then why is your girlfriend first on the Glist?

Rachel: And why am I last? Aside from the fact that I refused to put out for you.

Will: Okay, enough! No one is accusing anyone of anything. Puck, seriously, did you do it?

Puck: I said no. I’m a delinquent, sure. I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don’t know. I own that. But I’m not a liar.

Will: All right, here’s the important point. Between this and posting Coach Sylvester's personal video on YouTube you guys are getting a pretty bad reputation.

Artie: Why is that a bad thing? Maybe if we seem more dangerous, people would stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.

Will: Look, things are hard right now. I get it. You’re under a lot of pressure with regionals coming up. I know that winning sectionals hasn’t had the positive effect on your popularity... that a lot of you thought it would. But becoming what you despise is not the answer. (Hands papers to the members)

Mercedes: Man, this song is wack.

Will: No, it’s not. It’s a terrific song on a long list of top hits that, because of time or some bad press, has become a joke. And like you guys, it’s time to start rehabilitating its bad reputation. The assignment for the week is for all of you to find songs like thi mine them for what works and make them great again and then, hopefully, you can apply this musical lesson to your own lives.

Jesse: This song should be arrested for the crime of sucking. (That served a lot of laughing.)

Will: You wanna bet?

Artie: Oh, no, he didn’t!

Will: Yo, VIP Let’s kick it

New Directions: Ice ice baby, ice ice baby.

Will (with New Directions): All right stop, collaborate and (listen) Ice is back with a brand new invention. Something grabs ahold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. (Will it ever stop?) Yo, I don’t know. Turn off the lights, huh, and I’ll glow to the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal. Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle (Dance) bum rush the speakers that booms. I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom(Deadly) When I play a dope melody, anything less than the best is a felony. (Love it or leave it) You better gain way, you better hit bull's eye (The kid don’t play). If there was a problem, (yo) I’ll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

New Directions: Ice Ice Baby, vanilla, Ice Ice Baby. Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby.

Will (with New Directions): Take heed, cause I’m a lyrical (poet) Miami's on the scene just in case youdidn’t (know it). My town, that created all the bass sound, ennough to shake and kick holes in the ground. Cause my style's like a chemical (spill), feasible rhymes that you can vision and (feel). Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept, we make it hype and you want to step (with this). Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja Cut like a razor blade so fast, other DJs say ("Damn") If my rhyme was a drug, I’d sell it by the (gram). Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose. Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice, if there was a problem, (yo, I’ll solve it), check out the hook while DJ revolves it.

New Directions: Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby. Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Too cold, too cold, Ice Ice Ice Ice

Will: Yo man, let’s get out of here, word to your mother.

Will: This song is officially paroled! Right, Jesse? You got me? (Jesse nods, agreeing.)

–—–—

Rachel walked beside Artie.

Rachel: I need to enlist the services of the A/V Club.

Artie: What did you have in mind?

Rachel: My shame at appearing so low on the Glist has made me reevaluate my image at this school and beyond. I've realized that in today's culture of bad boy athletes and celebrity sex tapes a good reputation is no good at all.

Rachel stood or leaned down to Artie. Rachel: Artie, you know how our Glee Club assignment was to find a song with a bad reputation and rehabilitate it? Well, mine is going to afford me the worst reputation in this school. Rachel Berry is going to get a little down and dirty.

Artie: I’m gonna stop you. You had me at "sex tape." How can I help?

Rachel: Hold on to your hat because Rachel Berry is going to become musically promiscuous. She smirks and walks away.

–——–

Kurt, Artie, Tina and Mercedes were in the choir room around the piano. Kurt: Fellow Glee Clubbers, I have called this meeting because our free-falling reps have reached terminal velocity. We are at DEFCON 1.

Mercedes: We’re such zeros, they didn’t bother putting us on the Glist.

Kurt: What does a C-lister do when their tiny star is about to fall off Perez Hilton's radar screen? They cause a scandal so extreme they can no longer be ignored.

Artie (raising a hand): Um, excuse me. Why is she here?

Brittany was in the room but they didn’t notice her until Artie said something about it. Brittany: I’ve been here since first period. I had a cold, and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and now I can’t remember how to leave. But I also don’t know why I’ve only made fourth on the Glist. I made out with, like, everyone in this school girls, boys, Mr. Kidney the janitor. I need to do something to get into the top three.

Kurt: Fine, you’re in.

Mercedes: In what? We don’t even have a plan.

Kurt: What is the worst thing a student can do at this school?

Tina: eat in the cafeteria? (Making Mercedes and her laugh)

Kurt: No, be a disruption in the library. I’m not talking about trying to check out a reference book. Uh-uh. I’m talking about full-on chaos including getting your Glee on in the stacks.

Artie (amused): Genius!

—–——

Rachel was at her house in her rom. Rachel: Do you know that when we dated, the rest of the school gave us a nickname? Puckleberry.

Puck was in horror wearing a mask that was from Phantok of the Opera. Puck: That’s humiliating.

Rachel: The fact is that slumming it with me actually improved your reputation. It gave you a sense of humanity.

Puck takes off the mask. Puck: Wait. Do you want to date again? I was wondering why you invited me here.

Rachel: As you know, I’m taken, but I can be of some assistance. Help me with my song for Glee Club. I-I might be the last chance you have to salvage what’s left of your reputation and stay in Glee. Besides, you need a song that’s gonna help you to express your inner pain.

Puck: What song do you wanna do for your assignment?

Rachel: I’ve chosen David Geddes's fantastically terrible '70s Top 10 hit, "Run Joey Run." It’s a story song, so we get to play parts. I’m gonna play the role of the tragic heroine who dies in the end la Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge and you can be the hunky, heroic male lead.

Puck: Do I get to kill you?

Rachel: N-Actually, my dad shoots me with a shotgun.

Puck (Sighs): Do you think I made that Glist? Honestly. (Sits down on Rachel’s bed)

Rachel (follows): Well, it does sound like something that you would do.

Puck: God, I’m so tired of people judging me for a few mistakes I’ve made. I try to be a good guy. I go to school and I say, "Be cool, Puck. Be nice." But by second period, I’ve got a fire extinguisher in my hands and I’m spraying some dweeb with it, and I don’t know how I got there.

I understand. Yeah. I sit in Glee Club and I watch a couple of imperfect performances and a litany of criticisms just start building up inside of me like a volcano and I keep telling myself to hold it in, and then it just comes bursting out. Granted, generally, I’m right but doesn’t do much for my reputation.

Puck: It does suck when you do that.

So, uh, how do you think

we can get people to see us differently?

Puck: I don’t know. (He leans in but Rachel stops him)

Rachel: I ca- I can’t do this.

Puck: You know, whoever made that Glist is gonna put you at number one when they find out you cheated on that Jesse kid with me. Besides, Jesse will never fully understand what it means to be a Jew.

Puck leaned in again, but Rachel stops him again.

Rachel: No, I-I’m ironically turned on by your bad boy image but I think we should just keep this professional.

Puck (scoffed): All right, I’m out. Why should I stay if there’s no chance of us making out?

Rachel: Uh, Noah... (takes his hand) Please come and sit down, and let’s work on the project. Okay? It’ll help us both, I promise.

–——–

Artie, Brittany, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina entered the library wearing bomber jackets and colorful pants.

Mercedes: Looks like we got a full house, y'all.

Artie: I’m kind of getting cold feet here.

Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?

Librarian: Shh!

Kurt: Team, listen up. If we pull this off, we will be legends at this school. We’ll rocket up the Glist. We’ll be top five, easy. Artie, pump up the jam. It’s about to go down.

Artie: U can’t touch this

Artie (The Group): My-my-my-my (U can't touch this) music hits me so hard makes me say, 'oh my lord thank you for blessing me, with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet. It feels good. When you know you’re down A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown. And I'm known as such and this is a beat-uh! U can’t touch

Artie with the Group: U can’t touch this

The librarian came out from her seat and approach the teens. Artie: Here it comes.

Librarian: That was very cute. I'm gonna talk to my pastor and see if I can't get you kids to perform that for our Sunday service.

That didn’t work.

–——–

Will: Look, I don’t like doing this any more than you do but if I don’t find out who made that Glist and stop another one from being published the whole Glee Club's going down, and I can’t let that happen.

Will was investigating the members and the first one was Finn.

Finn: Look, I know I’ve been kind of angry lately, and sometimes I kick over chairs and stuff but I didn’t do it.

Will: All the pieces fit. You have a very big ax to grind with several people on that Glist. Quinn broke your heart, Puck betrayed your friendship you’re dealing with Kurt's dad dating your mom. And I happen to know you’ve had your ups and downs with Santana and Brittany.

Next up was Mercedes:

I have nothing against Santana, and I like Brittany. Quinn's the one that has a beef with them.

Will: Well, there are an awful lot of Cheerios on that Glist. Isn’t it true that you still feel like an outcast in that group?

Mercedes: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I like being a Cheerio. And why does everyone just assume I’m angry all the time? It's called being sassy, Mr. Schue.

Next was Artie.

Artie: It’s simple math, Mr. Schue. The Glists are posted at a height of five and a half feet, comfortably out of my reach. It could not have been me. And I have it on good word that....

Tina was next...

Tina: I saw Puck putting up the Glist in the hallway.

Then Puck...

Puck: I was moving it! Somebody put it on Rachel's locker, so I moved it. I was being a man, doing the right thing.

Will: At some point, Puck the lies are gonna stop, and you’re gonna start to sing.

Puck: If I did it, why would I put myself at number three? As far as badasses go, I'm number "wha." I’ll say it again, I didn’t do it!

Then Brittany but....

Brittany: I don’t know how to turn on a computer.

Quinn was next.

Quinn: Rachel did it. Think about it. I stole the guy she's in love with then stole the guy she dated to get over the guy she’s in love with and I’m a bitch to her.

Will: Just doesn’t seem like Rachel.

Quinn: She’s gone behind your back before. And I mean, who's to say that there's only one culprit?

Will slams his hands on the table. Will: Look, I know you know something! So we’re not leaving here until I get some answers!

Kurt looked at him oddly. Kurt: Mr. Schuester, may I be blunt?

Will [Sighs]: Shoot.

Kurt: Ever since you separated from your wife you’re spent a lot of late nights watching reruns of Law & Order, haven’t you? (Will looked down) Hmm. Thought so and no, I didn’t make the Glist.

Will: [Sighs] Right.

Kurt: We’re as menacing as Muppet Babies which means our squeaky-clean reputations are still very much intact.

Artie: We have to do what we’re been dreading something more terrifying than Rachel's personality. We have to go to Sylvester and admit that we posted the "Physical" video.

Tina: But we’ll get suspended.

Kurt: It will be worth it. Finally, the entire student body will see us as badasses.

—–—–

The School Bell Rings, as the five Glee kids were on the hallway. Artie: Remember, if Sylvester hits you in the face after you cop to posting the video don’t scream like a woman.

Mercedes: You’re so brave for doing this, Kurt.

Kurt: I know. Thank you.

Mercedes: Oh, my God! Alarming Kurt.

Kurt (approached her): Coach Sylvester, can I have just a minute of your time?

Sue: What do you want, lady-face?

Kurt: You’re aware a tape was leaked onto the Internet causing you to become a national laughingstock? We stole the tape from your syringe-and-pill drawer. We posted it online. We’ll accept whatever punishment you see fit.

Sue: So it was you. I can’t thank you enough.

—–—

Later, the five were in a classroom looking up on the laptop. Artie: She wasn’t angry at all. It was weird.

Tina: Maybe the comments online have gotten so mean, and people have started to feel sorry for her. She’s finally getting some sympathy, so she’s in a forgiving mood.

Kurt found a link that got his attention. Kurt: Wait a second. Take a look at this.

Mercedes: Isn’t that...

It was Sue Sylvester and Olivia Newton-John doing Physical together.

Mercedes (letting out a breath): Phew!

Mercedes + Tina: Again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again! Banging the table.

Artie: I need to learn to do this verse.

Brittany: All day.

–—–—

It was someone's project for Glee Club. Will: All right, guys, listen up. Another week has almost passed. If a list goes up again later today, this issue is out of my hands and it becomes Principal Figgins's jurisdiction.

Finn: Seriously, Mr. Schue, whoever made that list is not gonna come forward. We might as well just bend over and take whatever's coming.

Will: Fine. Okay. Well, then, uh, let’s get to it. Rachel, how 'bout you show us your bad reputation project?

Rachel: I’d like to say a few words first, though I understand that a motion picture should stand on its own I do realize that some of you are not well-versed in the complex vocabulary of the filmic arts. I expect that this video will go over some of the heads of our less-cultured teammates. So let me just say I hope you enjoy my bad reputation. Lights. Okay, go.

The film started with Santana and Brittany as angels.

Brittany and Santana: Aaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah.

Rachel appeared as the main protagonist.

Rachel with Brittany and Santana harmonizing: Daddy, please don’t , It wasn’t his fault. He means so much to me, Daddy please don’t. We’re gonna get married

Rachel: Just you wait and see

The video starts out in Puck's room, with Puck starring as Joey.

Puck: Every night, the same old dream, I hate to close my eyes. I can’t erase the memory, the sound of Julie's cry. She called me up, late that night She said, "Joe, don’t come over". My Dad and I just had a fight and he stormed out the door. I’ve never seen him act this way, My God, he’s going crazy

Puck with Brittany and Santana harmonizing: He said he’s gonna make you pay, for what we’ve done, he’s got a gun.

Puck with Brittany and Santana: So run, Joey run, Joey run!

Rachel with Brittany and Santana harmonizing: Daddy, please don’t , It wasn’t his fault. He means so much to me, Daddy please don’t. We’re gonna get married

Rachel: Just you wait and see

The scene was outside in a red car with Jesse as Joey #2.

Jesse: Got in my car, drove like mad, Til I reached Julie's place. She ran to me, with tear-filled eyes and bruises on her face. All at once I saw him there, sneaking up behind me (Rachel: Watch out!) Then Julie yelled, "He’s got a gun!"

Then Finn was Joey #3. Sandy Ryanson was Julie's dad with a gun up.

Finn: And she stepped in front of me. Then, suddenly, a shot rang out and I saw Julie falling.

Finn with Brittany and Santana harmonizing: I ran to her; I held her close, when I looked down, my hands were red!

It was fake blood on Finn’s hand.

Finn: And here’s the last words Julie said:

Rachel: Daddy, please don’t. It wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me. Daddy, please don’t We’re gonna get married.....

Brittany and Santana: Aaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah

Julie dies.

Jesse with Brittany and Santana: Run, Joey, run, Joey, run,

Finn with Brittany and Santana: Joey, run,

Puck with Brittany and Santana: Joey, run,

Finn, Jesse, and Puck (with Brittany and Santana harmonizing): Joey, run, Joey, run.....!

Rachel: Well, why don’t we just, um, take a moment to really absorb what we’ve just watched?

Finn (angry): This is garbage!

Will (coming to defense): Finn!

Puck: No, he’s right. I need to trust my instincts more because I had a feeling when we were shooting that it was not gonna be good.

Will tried to speak up but Jesse cut in.

Jesse: Why didn’t you tell me they were in this too? I thought you and I were going out. Being triple cast with two other guys to play opposite your girlfriend- it’s mortifying.

Rachel: It was an artistic statement.

Finn: No, it wasn’t! It was you trying to look like you had a bunch of guys fighting over you so you could stop looking like some kind of outcast and be seen as some hot, slutty girl singer! (Finn then stood in front of her.) How could you do this to me, to all us guys? Is your stupid reputation more important than your relationships?

Jesse left the room. Rachel: Jesse, wait.

—–—–

Will walked out of Emma's office and saw how Quinn was behaving.

Will: I know you’re behind the Glist.

Quinn: You have no proof. I can’t believe that you’re gonna pin this on me. I’ll be expelled. I mean, it makes sense. Everything else has been taken from me- my popularity, my body. Might as well throw away my education.

Will: You know when I realized that you did it? The moment I felt what it was like to walk in your shoes. I mean, it takes years to build a good reputation but only seconds to destroy it. Couple bad choices, and you go from the top to the bottom. (Got on his knees) You have lost so much, Quinn which means you had the most to gain from the Glist.

Quinn (cries): I never meant to hurt anybody.

Will: I know.

Quinn (scoffs): I was captain of the cheerleading squad, president of the Celibacy Club. I had Finn. People would part like the Red Sea when I walked down the hallway. Now I’m invisible.

Will: And you think being seen as a cheap tramp is better?

Quinn: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.

Look, I know that high school feels like your whole life right now but it’s going to end. You’re gonna give that baby to a family who really wants it, who’s gonna love it and then you are gonna go on to do amazing things, Quinn.

Quinn: You really think that I can get it all back one day?

Will [Exhales]: No. I think you can get something even better. I mean, come on! You're Quinn Fabray, right? [Quinn Chuckles] Those people didn’t part when you walked down the halls, you moved them with your attitude.

Quinn: Thanks, Mr. Schue. You’re a really good teacher even if everybody is calling you a man-whore.

Figgins (enters the choir room): You wanted to see me, William? I trust you have come up with the perpetrators of the Glist.

Will: I, um-I grilled every single one of my students and, uh, no one no one copped to making the Glist. They all closed ranks and wouldn’t rat out who did it.

Figgins: That’s poppycock, Will. I will not let this school be held hostage by juvenile shenanigans.

Will: I know, but I mean, your point has been made. The Glists have stopped. I think we should just call this a victory and move on.

Figgins: Fine. I’m still praying for you, Will.

Quinn: [Whispers] Thank you.

–——–

Rachel opened her locker but then Jesse stood beside it. Rachel: Hi. Are you still mad at me?

Jesse: You know, before I transferred here to make you my girlfriend I asked around about you, found out your rep, what kind of girl you were.

Rachel: What did they say?

Jesse: Most of them had no idea who you were. The ones that did said you were kind of sneaky hot but that that quality was canceled out by a compulsive need to be right and a strange affinity for sweaters with animals on them. The most interesting part was that even though no one particularly liked you they all said you were a person who could be trusted.

Rachel: I still am! I have this pathological need to be popular, okay? I- I just want people to think I’m cool so bad sometimes that it just clouds my judgment. As a fellow star in the making, I’m sure you can understand that.

Jesse: On that level, sure. As the guy who gave up everything to be your one and only I just can’t see past this. I should have been enough for you, Rachel.

Rachel: I knew you’d break my heart.

Jesse: Well, that’s the funny thing about reputations. Everyone thinks I’m the big heartbreaker but the fact of the matter is you broke mine first. Do me a favor. If we end up next to each other on the bar at Ballet Club this week just do your arabesques and piqués in silence. Don’t talk to me. (Walks away from her, completely hurting her) (But who cares.)

—–—–

Time for one last performance from Rachel since eshe hurt Finn and Jesse but Puck didn’t care that much.

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Total Eclipse Of The Heart BY Bonnie Tyler

Finn: Turn around

Rachel: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round

Puck: Turn around

Rachel: Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears

Jesse: Turn around

Rachel: Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

Finn: Turn around bright eyes

Rachel: Every now and then I fall apart

Rachel with New Directions harmonizing: And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever, and if you only hold me tight. We’ll be holding on forever and we’ll only be making it right, Cause we’ll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (New Directions: All of the time) I don’t know what to do I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks (with New Directions: I really need you tonight) Forever's gonna start tonight (New Directions: Forever's gonna start tonight)

Once upon a time there was light in my life

Rachel with Finn: Now there’s only love in the dark, nothing I can say, Total eclipse of the heart

Jesse: Turn around bright eyes

Rachel: Every now and then I fall apart

Jesse: Turn around bright eyes

Rachel: Every now and then I fall apart,

And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever, and if you only hold me tight. We’ll be holding on forever and we’ll only be making it right, cause we’ll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (New Directions: All of the time) I don’t know what to do I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks (with New Directions: I really need you tonight) Forever's gonna start tonight (New Directions: Forever's gonna start tonight)

Everyone started to leave the room, with Finn going first and Rachel didn’t like it.

Rachel: Once upon a time I was falling in love

Rachel with Jesse: Now I’m only falling apart There’s nothing I can do

Rachel: A total eclipse of the heart

Jesse: Turn around bright eyes

Jesse was the last one to leave the room, leaving Rachel all alone.

#transcript #glee

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reservoirreputation · 1 year

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I have a problem called Harvey Keitel, but damn do some of the movies he stars in sound real fuckin depressing.

AND. THEN.

I spot 'Two Evil Eyes'

SO GET THIS

it's got Harvey in it (duh) it'S DIRECTED BY GEORGE ROMERO AND DARIO FUCKING ARGENTO????? DOING ADAPTATIONS OF STORIES BY EDGAR ALLEN POE????????

THIS SOUNDS AMAAAAAAAZZIIIIIIIIIING

Romero's first, THE FACTS IN THE CASE OF MR. VALDEMAR

Our main female character's suit is both very eighties, but actually looks nice? It was *only* 1980, I guess it's before things got our of control.

Couldn't help but like her a bit. Practicing her retort in the car is so human, you can't help sympathizing with her.

The mistress wants to get paid- is it wrong I kinda agree with her? I mean, assuming she has nothing to do with her husband's impending death.

Obvious forgery is obvious.

Ernie and the Doctor sound very similar *side-eyes*

One, the house is beautiful, two, are Jessica and her totally-not-sancho wearing clothes made from the same bolt of fabric? I mean, that's one way to code that they're working together.

Jessica at least has some shame- the titular Mr. Valdemar is pretty much a puppet, at this point. Her cohort is trying to justify it, saying her husband's a bad man.

ROBERT AN JESS ARE EXES

Valdemar literally stole his girl, damn.

Well then. I went from pitying the poor guy because he's awake now and in so much pain, to disliking his ass because of how he talks about his wife.

Wall safes are so cool. Also, Robert clearly didn't know about it. Looks like he won't need Jess' full cooperation, huh?

'nothing at all to connect us' nothing telegraphs that their romantic relationship is dead more than that, huh?

Gotta love Ernest having such a timely death. So much for those efficient millions.

Three weeks at Valdemar's baaaaabbbbbyyyyyy.

oh shit, at fist I thought they chopped him up (stupid, they were just talking about making him look fresh for a mortician) but DAMN my brain really went there.

So many similarities between this and Bernie. Wild.

That shot of the feet disappearing under the stairs- *chef's kiss*

'I'm glad to see that you're finally doing the right thing' YES NIGHT NURSE, RUB THE SALT INTO THAT WOUND

Damn, that pool might as well be an ocean between them, huh? Also, they're wardrobe couldn't be visually further apart, now.

Those massive fuckin' sunglasses, listen to the Eagles baby, you can't hide your lyin' eyes (also a song about a young wife cheating on her cold as ice husband with a much younger man, more 'age appropriate')

OH NO DON'T TELL ME THAT POOR BASTARTD'S STILL ALIVE

OH NOOOOO

DON'T ACTUALLY MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR HIS BITCH ASS (they're all terrible tho)

FUCKING HELL ROBERT, KNOCK ASSHOLE

He's totally alive down there.

OK tubi's got ads, no shit, but I just got a Credit Karma ad? With a non-binary MC named Morgan?? I LOVE THIS?? I LIKE THIS PICTURE BECAUSE I AM IN IT?!?!?!

Back to the movie 'I'm here, I'm with you, nothing is gonna happen' SOMETHING IS ALREADY HAPPENNING

I love how Jesse's vibe is never 'oh no, my husband's still alive and is suffering!' and instead is 'I'm being HAUNTED'

No, wait she's not in denial?

Hm, your husband has some freezer burn, I'm afraid you'll have to throw him out.

NO WAIT, OH SHIT OH FUCK IT'S THE HYUPNO BULLSHIT MOTHERFUCKER IS STILL ALIVE

What a fucking nightmare.

Nope, sorry, he is in fact dead. I'm apparently as confused about it as this doctor is. BTW, trying to pry his frozen eyes open? That's also good shit.

Boy, I started this to get to some Harvey Keitel, and I ended up watching some existential terror.

Oh god, he just wants to be woken up.

'The others are coming'?? Oh shit, I've seen this Doctor Who episode.

'It's over' insert John Cena meme 'are you sure about that?'

'they're coming for you Jessica' is so close to 'they're coming to get you, Barbara' that I am unreasonably delighted by it.

Yo, Robert, you might wanna GTFO

Hey, isn't that the guy from Night of the Creeps?

When all your budget went into the location and Ernest's special effects, that the 'others' gotta settle for body suits.

Nevermind, a good portion of the SFX also went to Robert.

Heh? Get it?? Blood money??

Next is Dario Argnto: THE BLACK CAT

We get a bunch of crime scene photos, and then one very good boy (a black cat) Look, I've got four black cats, I don't know if I can put up with any impending slander.

'Sir, you think there's any chance of me being transferred back to parking violations?' SHIT GIRL SAME WE'RE IN THE DEEP END ALREADY

You know, I was wondering why they were using an obvious dummy, and then we get the overhead shot. In just a few seconds, we get a very different tone and execution, holy fucking shit.

"I'm sorry' proceeds to take cool-ass shots of a death trap. Gee, I wonder what fate will befall this poor artsy bastard.

AHHHHH IT'S A CUTE BOOOOOOOOOY (Harvey in a bow tie)

AHHHHH IT'S A CUTE BOOOOOOOOOY (Black cat existing)

Correction: AHHHHH IT'S A CUTE GIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLL

Found the cat on the street, story of all my animals. They just show up, know that we'll feed 'em. Sure, you might get your balls cut off, but ain't that worth the kibble? Also, you'd better not be pointing out that white mark on her chest just to kill her later, and that be the only identifying marker. I swear to god, movie-

One, yeah that cat's staring at you. Two, this sweet girl reminds me so much of Buttons. The eyes, the white patch. God, I miss him.

You know what, fair enough, worrying about gettin' your eyes clawed out. One of our cats likes to attack people's feet, but only when they're covered. He prefers my Mom's which just comes across as spiteful. (God, this movie's gonna expose me as an annoying cat owner, isn't it?)

How the fuck did this fucking cat get OUTSIDE? Bitch, you were in the hallway, stop teleporting. Also, LET THE BABY INNNNNN.

You motherfucker, throwing the shoe and then pretending you were asleep. Your girlfriend needs to smack you.

My dislike of the photographer aside, Harvey looks great in a bathrobe, soaking wet. Also, is he contractually obligated to have a comb with him in 90% of his films? 'Cause it sure feels like it.

If this doesn't end with his obvious witch girlfriend sacrificing his ass because he pissed off/hurt the cat, then I don't know what's gonna happen.

Welp, the cat's dead, innit? Well, she may come back and haunt his ass, but he totally killed her. Girlfriend's underreacting BTW. If I knew with certainty that my partner/anyone I was living with killed my pet-

Now I'm really hoping his ass gets cut in half. Or that the cat comes back to eat his eyeballs.

There's something very wholesome about a village coming together to execute an animal abuser.

'But I didn't finish!' is unintentionally hilarious. Buddy, I think you got them all.

Who the fuck is this student?? And why does he literally look like a child?? Who looks at a woman crying and goes 'God you're beautiful?' *Grabs spray bottle for both of these idiots*

Did he really- deny killing the cat- and then release a book showing him killing the cat?

THE BITCH IS BACK

IT'S DEFINITELY HERS

Buddy- did you not learn your lesson? Killing the cat twice isn't gonna help. Also, he's apparently gonna hang, a shame. I was really banking on him getting cut in half.

That shot of the staircase from the top down- I think I know where Rod's gonna hang.

Something about the CC reading 'knife pierces skull' that just- oof.

The shot of him frantically scrubbing off blood, then it cutting to her blood staining the bath water- that's cinema, right there.

Oh shit OH SHIT ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A SECOND BODY

Nope. Something about jazz music playing loudly in the background makes this feel even more insane.

'together forever' honestly made me think he was gonna kill himself. No, I think he's just gonna- carry her corpse everywhere. They're going on vacation, after all.

HE'S HIDING HER BEHIND A WALL!?!?! BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

*Grumbles* Piece of shit still looks cute in a bowtie.

The cutout of her face is hilarious. You can't tell me they didn't do that for a laugh.

'Nobody will think of looking for you in the house' AND WHEN SHE STARTS TO SMELL?! WHAT THEN!?!?!

I guess you could say that the call was coming from inside the house? Eh?

OH CAT VISION THE BITCH IS BACK

So, the student that looks like a child is Christian. I'm still convinced this fucker's in high school, or he's just got a baby face.

Okay, I don't like the little twerp, I'm biased against him, but like, acting all cocky, like a know-it-all going, 'That's strange. Well, you think if she'd have gone on tour, she would have taken her violin.' And then Rod calmly replying 'She has two' I actually cackled.

God, Gloria looks horrified to know she's friends with a woman who was living with her boyfriend, not her husband, like they're shacked up in sin.

Look, Christian, you're right, but I don't like you. Fuck off.

The hole starting to form, bringing something into the light, as Rod slinks off into darkness- I LOVE MOVIES, OKAY!?

Oh, I see, it's a symbol. Neat.

Wasn't the phone just unplugged? Did they force him to plug it back in when I wasn't looking?

OKAY. LISTEN.

WHEN THE LADY FROM THE BAR SAID 'IT'S DESTINY' THE CC READ RIGHT AFTER 'SHE'S PREGNANT' BUT I DIDN'T HEAR SHIT. I THOUGHT IT WAS A GLITCH

THIS IS FUCKING NASTY/GREAT

Not to help the animal abuser/girlfriend beater, but don't you have a knife, buddy? To cut off the dead weight? I know fear makes us stupid, but um

AH FUCK HE DIDN'T HANG IN THE STAIRWELL

Thank you movie, for that Humane Society seal of approval. Like, the cat was so obviously not being tortured, just a little squished, but it is still nice to see.

Trust Dario Argento to pick out a catchy soundtrack.

This movie got batshit crazy by the end. I definitely prefer the second movie to the first, but both are good. *jams out to 'woman singing in Italian'*

#potential live watch?#harvey keitel #george a romero #dario argento #Two Evil Eyes #tw animal abuse #tw domestic violence #edgar allen poe #removing streaming mentions #either google where to watch or go to your local library

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blue-eyed-bloodstains · 1 year

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1. Do you enjoy Jim Carrey movies? HELLLL YES! ALLLLRIIIIGGGHHTTYY THEEENNNN! :D

2. Don’t you love to eat watermelon on hot, sunny days? I’ll eat it anytime really

3. Does your hair change color with the seasons? it gets natural blonde highlights the more it’s in the sun

4. Have you ever made a CD with music that reminds you of someone/something? yep several times

5. Do you watch Saturday Night Live? What do you think of it? not really I’ve seen it in the past and I’ll see occasional clips but I was more a huge MadTV fan. I think it’s alright, some are funny and some aren’t.

6. What is your favorite sporting event to watch during the summer Olympics? What about the winter ones? I never really watch em but if I do, I definitely love the gymnastics and snowboarding...curling too

7. Do you play the Sims? Would you say you’re addicted to it? I used to so much in the early days of it I’m so far behind!! I wanna play it so bad to see how different it is!

8. Name the last five artists you listened to. Jesse McCartney, Eppic, Michael Jackson, Tyga feat. Chris Brown, Skillet

9. Do you know anyone who is lactose intolerant? Do you know anyone who is allergic to wheat? I mean I don’t think so personally, at least they never told me or made it obvious for either one?

10. Do you usually make plans for the week ahead, or do you just make them as the days come? nope never really make plans at all except figure out what I’m craving for dinner to DoorDash...I play it by ear

11. Is there an animal in the same room as you? yeah my passed out with full belly cat

12. What language do you take in school? Is it boring to learn it? I took mandatory Spanish like everyone, and once I was able to choose my own I took Italian for a few years. It wasn’t boring really, I loved it...just wish I remembered more than a few words :(

13. Do you remember what the last kind of gum was that you had? Ice Breakers Cubes, Spearmint

14. Do you tend to grow out of things fast? ...meaning like, emotionally and mentally? unfortunately I lose interest in a lot of shit I normally love due to my severe depression so I guess in a way yeah...

15. Do you like to eat cinnamon rolls, or do you find them disgusting? I love em especially if they’re real moist and creamy

16. What is the approximate time and date? May 19, 2023 Friday, 8:10am EST

17. When was the last time you went on Facebook? a few days ago I’ve been too sick

18. Who is your favorite survey maker on Xanga? What about layout maker? I think I’m the only person I know who never went on Xanga! *hides*

19. What is your favorite kind of salad dressing? tie between ranch and balsamic vinaigrette

20. Do you know where your favorite band/singer originated from? If so, where? Which one? JoJo from Mass., Tay Swift from right here in PA, Eminem from Detroit, Alexz Johnson and Avril Lavigne both from Canada...

21. Do you tend to take or make more surveys? take

22. Isn’t it revolting when big hairy old men walk around with their shirts off? And also when women wear clothes that don’t fit them? Fuck this question???

23. What color are your earphones? white

24. Do you remember the last photo you took? What was it of? What about the last photo you put on a website? I believe it was a selfie on FB, and took was of my cat

25. Do you like long surveys or short ones? long

26. Have you ever used a silver Sharpie? What’d you think of it? no I’d like to though

27. Do you enjoy Japanese anime? Have you ever seen the Miyazaki films, like Howl’s Moving Castle, Kiki’s Delivery Service, or My Neighbor Totoro? hellllll yessssssss omg don’t get me started!!

28. Do you like to eat out more or eat in? Which do you do more often? I love getting take out or going out to eat but we mostly DoorDash and stay home...

29. Do you believe you’ve gotten better at making surveys? I’ve never made any, only taken em

30. Do you enjoy watching shows about survival? Why/why not? meh not really, just not my thing really...I’m more about the crime shows and docs so complete opposite :P

#survey #bored #random #about me

0 notes

maximumverbosity · 2 years

Text

2023-02-10

They had a whirlwind romance, which is to say that they fell in love during a tornado watch in Hebron, Ohio. Luckily a tornado never made an appearance in that little trailer park, and the only thing that got blown away that day was Jesse’s heart.

Monica was the kind of girl that could stop a bus. Not because she was stunningly beautiful but because she had a tendency to stand in the middle of the street and wave her arms about. Raving, they called it, at the mental institution. Stark raving mad.

She was stark raving mad in love with him.

And he was mostly afraid of her but also pretty certain he loved her too.

---

“Hi,” Monica said that day, and winked at him.

Jesse, always one to pick up on social queues, replied casually, “You got a gnat in your eye?”

Monica’s face contourted into a series of ticks and she winked at him fifty-seven more times. Jesse counted because he was bored and had the time.

“You wanna go out and get ice cream sometime? Or coney dogs?”

“Sure. I like coneys.”

And just like that they fell in love.

“Sure is windy out today,” Jesse remarked.

Monica nodded and took off all her clothes and ran away.

---

Jesse got fired from the car dealership because instead of selling cars he decided to sell the entire car dealership. In theory, this was a pretty bad ass move which should’ve made him the best salesman ever, selling two hundred and thirty-seven cars and a building and several employees all in one sweet twenty-dollar deal with a guy who wandered in looking for a bathroom. In reality, it just pissed off his boss who had had enough.

“I’ve had enough!” Jesse’s boss shouted. He was boxing up his belongings because the man who had bought the dealership fired him on the spot. “You’re fired!”

“You can’t fire me,” Jesse countered. “You just got fired so you’re not my boss anymore.”

Jesse’s former boss conceded and looked at the guy who was still looking around for a bathroom and the guy said, “You’re fired too.”

This made Jesse sad.

He came home and got a beer out of the fridge and cracked it open.

“I lost my job today,” he told Monica, who was so excited that he was home that she almost got off the couch.

She laughed. “Dumbass.”

Jesse slammed the refrigerator door closed, chugged his beer, and said, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He opened the fridge to get another beer.

Monica got up and tiptoed over to him for some reason.

“I’m sorry baby,” she said. “I love you and you’re my man and I support you.”

They kissed.

When Jesse and Monica kissed, they always kept their eyes wide open. It was weird to look at from afar, and for both of them it was weird in first person, but for whatever reason they kept doing it. They started making out, unblinking. As Monica rammed her tongue into his mouth, their eyes bulged.

Then something else bulged.

“I can feel your penis on my leg.”

“Sorry,” Monica said.

---

In couples therapy later that day, Jesse and Monica had a threesome with their therapist. After paying her like the apparent prostitute she was, they both exited the building and sat in Jesse’s old beat up pickup truck for about six hours in silence before speaking.

“I—“ Monica said.

“You—“ Jesse said.

“You go first,” Monica said.

“Sorry, no you go first,” Jesse said.

“Oh, no I insist,” Monica said.

“No, I insist,” Jesse said.

“Why don’t we both say what we were gonna say together on the count of three?” Monica said.

“Okay,” Jesse said.

“Okay, one—“

“One—“

“Wait, what? I’m counting.”

“Oh, I thought you wanted me to count.”

“Why would I suggest that we do something on the count of three and then expect you to count?”

“Well, I didn’t know there was some kind of protocol—“

“That’s simply unheard of. Whoever suggests the count should be the one to do the count.”

“What if we count together?”

“That’s fair.”

“Wait, which one of us is speaking?”

“I don’t know. I lost track.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“Probably not.”

Together they counted to three.

“One,” Monica and Jesse said.

“Two,” Jesse and Monica said.

“Three,” they both said in unison.

They had never felt more connected than in that moment, more of a team, more of a unit. Counting together had some how brought them closer than any of their weird ass open eye kisses or even their marathon lovemaking sessions in which Monica bent Jesse up like a pretzel, but not because she was kinky or anything but just because she liked pretzels.

“I want—“ Monica started saying.

“You’re ruining—“ Jesse began saying.

“A divorce,” Monica finished saying.

“My life,” Jesse concluded saying.

---

And so, a mere week after they had fallen in love, Monica and Jesse called it quits. It had been a tumultuous relationship, almost as tumultuous as the weather conditions the day they met, and while no funnel cloud had manifested in that trailer park, a twister of emotion had formed around the two of them, swirling them together in a metaphoric dance of connection before tearing them apart in a metaphoric dance of disconnection.

But that’s just the way love goes sometimes.

You win some.

You lose some.

But he’d never forget her naked ass when she’d ran away from him, or how she’d stopped that bus, causing it to swerve into a tree and killing seventeen people.

It was love.

But sometimes love hurts.

Especially if you’re on a bus.

0 notes

golldenvallion · 2 years

Text

Bad with words

An Aaron Z & Jesse centered fanfic that could be read as platonic or romantic.

Summary :

Jesse and Z her harassed by the paparazzi and Z gets overwhelmed by the whole situation.

So the most logical thing to do is for Jesse to beat a bitch up.

--------—--------------

''Jesse? Jesse? can you tell us anything about the last scandal about you being romantically involved with your manager?'' Z just wanted to get some groceries for tonight's dinner. why did the paparazzi have to show up? Poor Jesse.

''Yeah, That it's bullshit. can you leave now? we're trying to get home'' Jesse was just as done with their shit as Z was. They thought that they were about to leave after they saw the reporter back off only for a camera to be shoved into Z's face.

Z just froze as a reaction to how close the camera was and he didn't want anything more than for these weirdos to get lost.

''What about you Z?'' the cameraman was now being joined by the reporter. '' Got any news on the topic?''

Z ignored the question. As Jesse said, it was bullshit. Why would anyone of them date their manager? Instead of answering Z just walked past the two in the hopes that they would leave soon.

''Come on Z don't be like that. Y must have some hot gossip on your hands . why don't you tell us?'' They were still following them. Z just walked next to Jesse and got a little closer to the older member every time the reporter screamed for them to answer.

Every time the reporter yelled for them he just got louder and Z started to shrink into himself. Jesse picked up on Z's discomfort.

Eventually, the reporter stopped walking and Z thought that they had finally gotten rid of them. Until he heard the cameraman speak up.

''Yo, Retard. Can't you just answer a simple question or what?'' The voice of the man was a lot deeper than the reporter, louder too. Z just wanted to leave so he turned to Jesse to ask him to walk faster only to see Jesse launch himself at the cameraman and punch him square in his face.

Aaron Z might be one of the older, taller, and stronger members of the group but sometimes he just gets overwhelmed.

Jesse might be the oldest of the band but he won't hesitate to make some bad decisions when it comes to his bandmates.

Z gave Jesse the ice pack he had just taken out of the freezer and brought him some new tissues so he could wipe his bloody nose. Jesse took them without hesitation.

"Thanks, man," Jesse said before bringing the ice up to his swollen cheek and eye and letting out a small hiss.

Z just gave him a nod. While Jesse was busy icing his bruises Z took the time to look at him.

He took a good look at his bloody nose, the cut on his upper lip, and the multiple bruises on his face and arms. Z wasn't sure if Jesse had more of them under his clothes but he would not be surprised if he did.

As soon as Jesse looked up at Z, Z looked down. He was trying to abound eye contact the best he could. He was trying to act as calm and collected as possible but his shaking hands gave him away.

"you good?" Jesse asked. Z just nodded while still looking down and Jesse knew he was lying but didn't want to push him. Not after what happened today. Instead, he just petted the spot on the couch next to him.

"Wanna come sit with me?"

Without saying a word Z just sat down. He was slumped over and leaned on his knees with his elbows. He still avoided Jesse's gaze but Jesse could tell by the expression on Z's face and the tenseness in his shoulders that Z must still feel guilty about what happened.

There was a moment of silence between them and Jesse knew that if he didn't say anything the atmosphere between them stayed strained.

" Z? Are you OK?"

Z didn't answer at first but he seemed to think about what he should say to answer that question.

"Why are you asking me that?" Z asked and finally looked up at Jesse.

"I don't know. Because you seem kinda down" Jesse said as if he wasn't the one icing a black eye right now.

"No. I mean you literally just got into a fight with a paparazzo 10 minutes ago and you are asking me if I'm OK?" Z could not understand it. Just a minute ago he was sure that Jesse must have been mad at him and that he was just acting nice because he didn't want to make a scene or because he was too tired to fight. Now Z was sure that Jesse was just genuinely asking him how he was feeling and it confused Z even more.

Jesse just shrugged at Z. "I mean, I guess" Jesse said. Z just stared at him for a hot minute until he let out a sigh. "I give up," Z said as he slumped back into the couch and turned away from Jesse.

"what?" Jesse asked with a little smirk, finding it oddly amusing to see Z act so concerned.

He was about to make a sarcastic remark but that plan was cut short when he heard a sniffling sound coming from Z.

Jesse tried to get a good look at Z so he could confirm his suspension only for Z to turn away again.

"Z? Are you crying? " Jesse asked but Z didn't answer. In response to the silence, Jesse just got a little closer to him and laid his head on his shoulder. "Z buddy, are you ok?"

Z let out another sniffle but at least he was talking to Jesse again." Why do YOU keep asking ME if I'm OK? You are the one with an ice pack on your face! Why are you asking me?"

" Wow wow wow, Z, calm down." Jesse put a hand on his friend's shoulder but it had little effect on him. Z was clearly upset about what had happened but knowing him, Jesse knew that Z was probably not gonna talk about it until he had calmed down. For now, he would just offer a comforting hand on Z's shoulder.

" I'm trying but I just don't understand you," Z said and Jesse was glad that they were getting somewhere. "What don't you understand?" Jesse asked.

"I don't know. Why you would you push a photographer?" Z asked

"Because he was following us and getting all up in your business" Jesse answered

" And why did you have to sucker punch him?"

"Because he Called you retarded for not answering his questions and he deserved it"

Z was quiet for another moment. Jesse was still rubbing his shoulder with his hand and they shared a moment of silence.

"You don't have to do those kinds of things for me, you know?" Z Spoke. His voice sounded wavey and it was clear that he was still on the verge of crying.

"You're my friend. Why wouldn't do-" Before Jesse could finish he got interrupted.

"Jes, I mean it you don't have to do shit like that." Z raised his voice a bit louder but the way he said it just didn't sit right with Jesse. This was about more than just that whole paparazzi fiasco.

"And with that you mean I don't have to do that shit 'for you'?" Jesse heard another sniffle.

"I can handle shit like that on my own, Jes." Z paused. He probably expected Jesse to say something again. To make a joke or to tell him that he didn't have to handle it on his own. Z would have liked to hear that but felt like he was supposed to hear it. That he didn't deserve to hear it. At least not right now. Because no matter how you look at it. Jesse got injured for him, he was most likely going to get in trouble, and he did really try to help him.

And Z couldn't even give him a simple 'thank you.'

Z really just wanted to show his gratitude. To tell Jesse that he appreciated the attempt to make him feel better. But the guilt that he had been feeling this whole time was just in the way.

It hadn't been the first time. Z knew how much his bandmates tried to help him and he wanted to help them. They meant a lot to him and he wanted them to know that but he just didn't always know how to properly show it.

Sometimes he would get overwhelmed by the niceness and he would not know how to handle it. Which in turn made him feel like he didn't deserve any of it. He wanted to be able to handle it. To show his gratitude and his happiness. He wanted to be able to understand his friends better. He wanted to be understood. And he knew that all 5 of them were trying but sometimes it was too much.

He wished he could just say that or at least communicate it somehow.

"I'm sorry." at this point the tears were just rolling off his face. "I'm really sorry Jesse. About all of this. That fucking photographer and that fucking fight and that I didn't say anything" he was trying to fight back tears but he knew just as well as anyone that that was hopeless.

Jesse was staring at him with a concerned expression on his face. Jesse knew that something was bothering Z and it was not just today's incident but he was not expecting his friend the have a meltdown in front of him.

Z just kept ranting about how he was sorry and how he didn't know what to do. So Jesse did the only thing he could think of right now and just embraced him in a big bear hug. Z didn't seem to accept it at first but he didn't pull away from the hug and eventually leaned into the touch.

"Z" Jesse started "You have literally nothing to apologize for." Z let out a small sob and Jesse hugged him a little tighter.

"This is not about the fact that I got into that fight, is it?" Jesse asked. Z was now trying to dry his tears. He still didn't know what exactly was bothering him. His feelings were hard to explain but it was nice knowing that if he had been able to put it into words, Jesse would be there to listen to him.

" No, it's not, but I don't know. It's just that.... I don't want you to-to get into fights for me"

"Z I would have done that for anyone of us. If someone would come up to Robaire or Tae young or Aaron T, do you think I would not have smacked a sucker?" Jesse asked and Z seemed to think about what he said.

"No, it does sound like you think to do I guess," Z said which earned him a little chuckle from Jesse. "It's just..... I wish I was able to do it myself you know?"

Z had started to pick at his nails. He felt like such a child with the way he was acting in front of Jesse. The oldest member didn't seem to mind his strange behavior all that much. He was just leaning forward.

As if he was wordlessly telling Z that he had his full attention. Z just took a deep breath.

"It's just... I sometimes feel like you guys need to do everything for me, you know what I mean?"

Jesse didn't know what he meant. To him and the rest of the band, Z was one of the most hardworking people they have ever met.

"Not really." Jesse answered honestly "What'd do you mean?"

Z let out a sigh. He was dreading the fact that he needed to explain it but he could not just leave Jesse hanging like that. If he didn't explain it now he would worry his friend and that wouldn't solve anything.

He was going to try and tell Jesse everything, but he was not staying on this couch.

Z stood up and walked over to the kitchen that was combined with the living room and started to boil some water.

"Z?" Jesse called him from the couch.

"I mean," Z paused to gather his thoughts "You guys are always doing the work for me. In interviews I mean. Or just in general"

"in general?" Jesse asked

"When we have interviews or were interacting with fans or we just have to talk you guys are always there to talk for me," Z said.

Jesse thought he was starting to understand "And that... You don't like that? Cause of so, I get it we can-"

"No, it's not like that" Z cut him off. "I'm actually really happy when you guys do that it's just... I wish I could handle it on my own you know? You guys are so good with words and you always seem to know what to say. Especially you and Robaire, and I just wish that I could be like that."

Jesse didn't say anything. He didn't really know what he was expecting to hear but it wasn't that. Jesse wanted to say some reassuring words but he didn't really know what Z needed to hear right now. Before he could open his mouth he heard that the kettle was done boiling water. Z just took 2 mugs and some thee out of the cabinet and turned back to Jesse.

"What flavor do you want?" Z asked casually as if he didn't just open up about something that no one knew was bothering him.

"Eur? Mango" Jesse said

"Two sugars?"

"One is fine"

"OK"

Z got back to getting the thee ready. While he was steering Jesse was still thinking about his friend's confession.

"Z?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you're great right?"

Z stopped with what he was doing but didn't say anything. Jesse tried to stand up but let out a grunt which made Z turn around and walk back to the couch with two cups in his hand.

"Don't push yourself old man, you should rest" Z joked while passing one of the mugs to Jesse. Jesse flies him off but took the mug anyways while Z sat back down next to him.

It was quiet again but the atmosphere was a lot less tense than it had been before. Jesse turned to Z after taking a sip of his thee.

"So, That was quite the confession you just made," Jesse said.

Z just shrugged "It's not that big of a deal. Don't worry about it" and that was easier said than done for Jesse.

"If you say so, man." He took another sip of his thee and put an arm around Z "But just so you know, I'm not gonna push you or anything but if you ever wanna talk about something, or maybe not wanna talk about it. I'm always here. You know that right?"

Z nodded for he also took a sip from his mint thee but made a confused face when he pulled the mug away from his lips." Why would you be here if I don't wanna talk?" it came out a bit blunt but it made Jesse smile.

" I mean, maybe you don't wanna talk about it but you just need a hug or something. Or maybe you just need to spend some time with someone."

"And that someone is you?" Z asked.

Jesse looked at him. "if you want me to"

Z seemed to think about it. He thought about all the times that he would just retreat into his room and it didn't seem half bad to have someone he can turn to when he needs to.

"Yeah that sounds good," he said as he smiled at Jesse which he returned.

"it's a deal then kid," Jesse said before planting a kiss on Z's forehead which took Z off guard but he didn't mind it. Jesse wrapped both his arms around Z and slumped back into the cough while taking Z down with him.

"Bro, watch out I'm holding thee," Z complained.

"See it as revenge for calling me an old man" Jesse joked as he ruffled Z's hair. Z rolled his eyes but didn't move away from Jesse. They just sat peacefully on the couch and had a little cuddle session until the rest of the band came home and Z and Jesse had to explain why Jesse was all bruised up and why Z had been crying.

Between all the fuzzing from his friends and scolding from Robaire Z and Jesse just sat back and smiled to themselves.

The boys really did care for each other.

#4town #4town fanfic #4town jesse #4town fanart #turning red #4town aaron z #boo bitch #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #4town headcanons #4town turning red #turning red headcanons

29 notes · View notes

estrel · 3 years

Text

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too. PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one.

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now.

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles.

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.”

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know.

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits.

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued.

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea.

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow.

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush.

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand.

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]

#b*gen #bookshelf #spnprideweek #sam and cas #rambleoncas writing #roc original #my post #theedorksinlove #userdainty #klinejack #usershey #creativecaviar #userpris #usersully #spnclownpals #hope it was okay to tag!!

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obitoshotaf · 3 years

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Akatsuki dad headcannons? Like what kind of dad would they be like and what daily life is like with y/n as their wife and their lil family?

(I lowkey hate y/n getting prego au's but we shall do this for comedy also sorry for not posting for a bit cause school T-T but now it's break and now im back) NOT INCLUDED KONAN CAUSE U JUST SAID DADS BESTIE IDK IF U WANTED MOMS TO

Sasori

I have many questions one being, how? Like he is a puppet yk, but let's say you had adopted or something just one thing led to another and you guys now have a kid. Okay, I feel like Sasori would be a very decent dad (although may experiment on your kids if they are human just saying) but he would be so nice other than that. He would do all the things he never got to have as a child with his dad like playing ball, woodworking together, father-child outings just the really sweet stuff. Also fun little extra I feel like if they were puppets he would try so hard to simulate the actual human life experiences for them like taste so they can do things like eat ice cream and feel emotions.

Hidan

Hidan would be a "cool dad" by that I mean he would teach them all the wrong things. Basically, Hidan as a father to me is like if the Christian conservative dad kept all his ways of putting his beliefs on his kids but as a Jashinist anarchist. So like "NO YOU LITTLE SHITS I TOLD YOU AT LEAST 5 KILLS FOR JASHIN, OR ELSE NO ICE CREAM" It would be hilarious. Also, feel like his only rules would be "worship Jashin, don't die, and always use protection." Other than that he would be the most fun, dad, ever but your kids would never want him to pick them up from school cause all their friends would get a crush on him. He would also just be like a more ruthless Uncle Jesse (from full house) in my opinion.

Kakuzu

Kakuzu would be the most awful damn dad istg idc what you say. Like okay okay he would be good emotionally but financially those kids gonna be looking broke af for some rich kids. he would also be super protective and shit like you wanna ask his kid out to prom okay "how much?". Mans finna try and make money out them kids. Hell, he may even sell them behind your back. But in all honesty, he would teach them how to save and spend money and raise pretty good kids.

Itachi

Itachi would be the best dad and I mean that with all my heart (and this is coming from someone who doesn't feel sexually attracted to him at all). Itachi would take your kids on outings, to go get ice cream, amusement parks, festivals, ect. Also he would be like the best at calming them down and helping them thru things like mental breakdowns or just really bad days. And when they are babies he would be so scared to shower them he would activate his sharingan to make sure they don't get hurt. Also he would def get them plushies like tons and a pet cat. Also Sasuke would be an amazing uncle and just spoil them kids rotten.

Deidara <3

Deidara would be a very awesome father, he would make sure his kids take pride in both his and their own arts. He would love to make their events a "blast" by adding cool fireworks and stuff. He would also be the type to pull pranks on all of you nothing that would hurt you guys ofc but still, it would be really funny. Also, he would blow up the kids' exes' house if needed too. (was the kid in the house when he blew it up no one needs to know <3) He would also take so much pride in his children and show them off like gold.

Pain

Pain would be a decent father he would be there for his kids when they needed him, however, he would turn them into the biggest edgelords and emos. I'm taking pure my chemical romance fans with no shame. Enough piercings to make a car with the metal, just pure edge. But he would love them to death and take care of them with his life. He would take them to hot topic every week and they would all match too.

Kisame

Kisame would be another awesome dad. He would be kinda like a beach dad where you would all live near the beach and he would teach the kids how to swim, take them to the ice cream truck on his shoulders and he would also teach them how to swim. Also, I feel like as they are learning he would do that thing where he goes underwater and pulls them under by their feet and then goes back up with them and then just laughs as they just got scared shittless. And they would all go on weekends and clean up the beach and the waters so that the animals there don't get hurt. <3

Obito <3

Obito would be another god of a dad, he would spoil them kids rotten. He would take them and play all the sports train them, teach them, give them piggy back rides, let them ride on his shoulders, tell them bedtime stories, ect. He would love them and you to death protecting you guys at all costs. Those kids would be going to school in damn uchiha crests and gucci istfg.

Zetsu

black zetsu

he would eat his damn kids.....

(white Zetsu would be a mix of Sasori and Obito)

#naruto #akatsuki #anime #anime gif #obito uchiha #kisame #zetsu #sasori #deidara #hidan #kakuzu #pain naruto #itachi uchiha #naruto shippuden #naruto series #headcanon

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