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rhosyn-du · 5 days

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The Case of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates, chapter 1

Dead Boy Detectives/The Sandman crossover | Jenny Green/Johanna Constantine | Explicit | WIP

Tags for this chapter: Case Fic, Strangers to Lovers, Casual Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Panic Attacks

Link on AO3

For the @sandman-rarepair-fest prompts Strangers to Lovers, AU/Crossover, and Femslash

Summary:

Jenny didn't leave her flat planning to have a semi-public anonymous hookup. She was supposed to be having drinks—and hopefully sex—with a woman she met through a dating app Crystal talked her into downloading—"I'm not saying you should go out looking for your soulmate; I'm just saying maybe you'd feel better if you got laid. Have you even relaxed for five minutes since you got off the plane?"—but Natalya hadn't shown up at the pub she suggested they meet at. But there there was a pretty brunette at the bar with a cocky smirk and a foul mouth who turned out to be every bit as hot as she was annoying and also extremely down for a quick fuck in the restroom and absolutely nothing more than that. Which is probably for the best, Jenny figures. Someone who isn't interested enough to take her home or even ask her name is far less likely to turn out to be a grifter or a control freak or a stalker with homicidal tendencies.

The last thing Jenny wants or needs is to get dragged into another one of the Dead Boy Detective Agency’s cases. Unfortunately, the universe has it out for her. At least the sex is good?

Public restrooms are nicer in London than in Port Townsend. Jenny's been told with a startling amount of vehemence by multiple people that they're nicer all over the UK than anywhere in the States, but she hasn't exactly done a personal survey of the country. Even with her limited experience of public restrooms—toilets, she thinks inanely; they're called toilets here—she can definitely say she's never been tempted to have sex in the toilet of a sketchy pub before.

"Your jeans are too damned tight," the woman whose name Jenny didn't bother asking complains between heated kisses.

"You seemed plenty happy with them when you were checking out my ass," Jenny points out, pausing in her quest to unfasten the truly stupid number of tiny buttons on the woman's shirt to help unfasten her own jeans.

And it's extremely unlikely Natalya would have been this talented with her fingers, holy fuck. Jenny makes a noise she's not at all proud of, head falling back against the wall of the toilet stall as the woman works her clit with deft fingers that don't seem at all hindered by the tightness of her jeans.

"Knew you'd be loud once I got you going," the woman says smugly, urging one of Jenny's legs up over her hip to give her better access.

Jenny wants to argue, but she's really not in any position for it, so she settles for unceremoniously pulling open the last of the buttons on the woman's shirt and finally getting her hands on her tits while doing her best to bite back the sounds she wants to be making.

The woman pushes into Jenny's touch with a pleased hum. "That wasn't a complaint, to be clear." She leans in, their difference in height being just enough to put her lips against Jenny's throat, over the racing beat of her pulse, as she says, "Let me hear you."

"Are you trying to get us kicked out?" Jenny asks even as she shifts her weight so that her own thigh is pressed firmly between the other woman's, and her thumbs brush over stiff nipples.

"Not gonna happen," the woman gasps, rolling her hips eagerly against Jenny's thigh. "The owner owes me."

Any attempt Jenny might have made to ask what exactly the owner owes is completely derailed by the woman sliding two of those clever fingers inside Jenny's cunt as she scrapes her teeth along Jenny's neck in sharp counterpoint. There's no hope of keeping quiet then, not with the woman's fingers inside her while her thumb works her clit, alternating sloppy kisses and sharp nips and sharper curses against Jenny's throat while she rides Jenny's thigh like it's her fucking job.

It's quick and it's frenzied and it's nothing at all like most of the sex Jenny has had in her life. It's also kind of amazing. She tilts her head down so she can capture that filthy mouth with her own, and then lets herself get lost in the slick slide of fingers and tongues, in the frantic rutting and the desperate, grasping pleasure that rises in her like a tidal wave: inevitable and devastating.

Jenny screams when she comes, not even caring anymore who might hear, especially with the woman gasping a litany of fuck, fuck, fuck as she works Jenny through the aftershocks, her own hips starting to stutter. Jenny has just enough piece of mind to grab the woman by the hips, pulling her tight against her thigh as she shudders through her own orgasm moments later.

They stay like that for a few moments as they catch their breath. Just as Jenny is starting to feel the faintest twinges of awkwardness—Do you kiss after a toilet stall hookup? Is that a thing? Should she say thank you? What's the etiquette here?—the woman pulls back with a soft laugh.

"Fuck, I needed that."

Jenny's agreement turns into a gasp as the woman pulls her fingers from Jenny's cunt, seeming to consider for half a second before popping them into her mouth and sucking them clean.

Jenny realizes she's staring and quickly looks away, busying herself with the process of refastening her jeans and making some vague attempt and straightening her clothes so she doesn't look quite so much like she just got extremely well-fucked by a complete stranger.

When she looks up again, the woman is fastening the last of the buttons on her shirt, looking far less flustered than Jenny feels.

"Right," Jenny says. "I'm gonna—" She gestures toward the exit. "Thanks," she adds, and then she leaves before she can find out if that was entirely the wrong thing to say.

She feels a brief moment of relief when she heads back out into the pub and the woman behind the bar doesn't give her a second glance—maybe she hadn't been quite so loud as she thought?—but then she sees how the three women at the table closest to the restroom are looking at her, and she ducks her head and hightails it out into the comforting blanket of fog that feels almost like home if she doesn't look or listen too closely.

She's halfway back to her flat before she realizes that she really does feel better, and much less tense than she has been since she arrived in London four months ago. Maybe even less tense than she's felt since before she watched the woman trying to kill her die a gruesome death in front of her and got possessed by a literal demon and watched her livelihood go up in flames and, oh yeah, started seeing ghosts.

Dammit.

Crystal is going to be so fucking smug when she finds out she was right.

~~~

"I take it the date went well?”

Briana is usually Jenny's favorite coworker, partly because she mixes a better drink than any other bartender Jenny's met, and partly because she doesn't usually ask about Jenny's personal life.

"It wasn't a date," Jenny says, reaching for her apron. "And anyway, she didn't show."

Briana studies her. "But you did have a good time last night." It's not a question.

"A better time than I'm having right now," Jenny tells her, pulling on her hair net.

Jenny is extremely grateful when Briana's questioning is interrupted by the arrival of their boss, who greets them with his ever-friendly smile.

"Ah, Jenny, do you have a minute before you start? I wanted to talk some scheduling with you."

"Sure thing," Jenny says, happily abandoning Briana and her prying in favor of following Rob back to the office.

When the insurance rep told Jenny exactly how long it was likely to take before she saw any money from the destruction of her butcher shop, she'd been livid. That lasted about an hour, until she realized she was in an unfamiliar city—an unfamiliar country—with no money to start fresh like she planned and exactly no experience working for anyone other than herself and before that her parents, at which point it turned to mild panic. When Edwin mentioned that the agency's landlord also owned a pub and had mentioned something about needing to hire new back of house staff, Jenny was extremely dubious. Not only was working a kitchen very different from running a butcher shop, but she was more than a little wary about working for the kind of guy who rented office space to a couple of teenage ghosts.

But Rob turned out to be a decent guy, and almost freakishly normal from everything Jenny's seen. He inherited the New Inn along with the building Charles and Edwin—and now Crystal—work out of and a few other properties from his favorite uncle, but that's the most remarkable thing about him other than the whole seeing and talking to ghosts thing, and she's hardly going to hold nearly drowning as a child against him. The man is a part-time history lecturer at City University and wears loafers, so Jenny figures he's pretty low on the list of people likely to drag her into more supernatural weirdness or attempted homicide, and he pays her better than she's probably worth given her lack of experience.

All in all, it's a pretty good deal, especially since Rob knows she'll be gone as soon as her insurance money comes through and she can find a decent shop space to rent.

Jenny stops dead in her tracks when she sees the two people already waiting in Rob's office.

"No," she says flatly, addressing the two ghosts—one leaning against the office wall and the other perched on the edge of Rob's desk—before turning on her boss. "What the hell, Rob? You said you wanted to talk about scheduling."

It's not that she has anything against Charles and Edwin, but Crystal's two ghost friends are private detectives who take jobs for other ghosts, and the fact that they're ambushing her at work suggests this isn't a social call. The last thing she wants is to get caught up in one of their cases. Again.

"This is about scheduling," Edwin says, "in part."

"We need an assist on our latest case and Robbie's got a friend with the right kind of skills," Charles adds.

"I figure it'll be safer for everyone involved if I make the introduction at the Inn." Rob's tone is apologetic. "You're the only one on staff unlikely to get freaked out if anyone gets shouty about things, so I was wondering if you'd mind closing up tonight so I can invite her over and make the introduction after close. I know you're only scheduled until ten, but I'm happy to pay you double for the extra hours."

"I don't mind closing," Jenny says, "but what's the catch?"

"No catch, I swear," Rob says, holding up his hands. "I wouldn't even ask, but I've got an early lecture tomorrow and would rather not be up prepping the kitchen by myself after I introduce the boys to my friend."

Despite the revelation that Rob apparently has a friend with skills to help Charles and Edwin on one of their cases, Jenny doesn't get the sense that he's trying to deceive her in any way.

She looks at Edwin. "You said 'in part.' So what's the catch."

"Ah," Edwin says, sliding off the desk. "It's not a catch, per se."

"Eds," Charles chides softly. "What he means is, we've got a message for you. From our client."

Jenny feels the bottom of her stomach drop out. "Your client?" she repeats. Their client can only mean another ghost. Someone who died.

"Natalya Mesi," Edwin says. "She wants you to know that she's very sorry for missing your appointment last night, but she was quite dead by then."

~~~

Rob is nice enough to give Jenny some privacy and a very stiff drink—on the house—after Charles and Edwin leave. She goes through the remainder of her shift in a daze, glad that the dinner rush doesn't prove to be too much for her distracted mind to handle and that Eoin doesn't comment on her much more frequent than usual minor fuckups. Jenny decides he's her new favorite coworker.

Crystal arrives just before closing, slipping back to the kitchen to give Jenny a quick, fierce hug.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs, and Jenny knows she's apologizing as much for pushing Jenny to download the dating app in the first place as expressing condolences for the death of a non-quite-acquaintance.

"I didn't even know her," Jenny says when Crystal releases her. "Not really."

"I'm still sorry," Crystal insists. "You didn't want to be involved in any of our cases, and I got you involved, sort of, so I'm sorry."

"If I were that worried about it, I would have stayed in Port Townsend," Jenny points out, as if staying in Port Townsend with the memories of Niko and Maxine and her parents and her shop and every person and every dream she's ever lost wouldn't have been a complete nightmare. But. She didn't have to come to London.

Crystal squeezes her arms and offers her a weak smile. "I'm glad you're here."

It's a slow enough night that there are no stragglers by the time closing rolls around, and Eoin is out the door in time for Rob to lock up behind him. Rob says something about his friend running late, and Jenny tries to ignore the two living humans and two ghosts talking quietly at a table in the corner while she cleans the grill and wipes down the counters and refills the condiment bottles, but her eyes keep drifting over to the only people who know the answer to the question that's been plaguing her since that afternoon. The question she didn't have the courage to ask at the time.

She makes it halfway through refilling the salt shakers before stalking over to the table and demanding, "How did Natalya die?"

The four at the table look up at her and then exchange uneasy glances with each other.

"We aren't exactly sure about that yet," Charles says. "That's sort of what we're investigating."

"But you know something," Jenny presses. "That's why you're here to meet Rob's friend, right? Because you found something you need help with?"

"We could be wrong, though," Crystal says. "And it's not anything you need to worry about—"

"All signs point to demonic activity," Rob interrupts, and Jenny is grateful to him for saying it even as the room starts to go fuzzy around the edges.

"The woman I was supposed to meet for drinks was murdered by a demon?" Jenny hardly recognizes her own voice, high-pitched and squeaky as it is.

"We don't know that a demon did the actual killing," Edwin explains, "but we're fairly certain a demon was involved. Your friend is actually quite lucky. A demon could have done far worse than kill her."

"She wasn't my friend," Jenny says faintly, grabbing for a nearby chair to keep herself upright before her knees give out completely.

She misses, and only Rob's quick reflexes save her from falling on her ass.

"I got you," he says as he hoists her with surprising strength into the chair she'd failed to grab onto. "Just breathe. You're safe. No demons here, I promise."

Jenny does her best to follow his instruction to breathe, trying to force her lungs to expand and contract in some sort of regular rhythm. It's not the first panic attack she's had in the past six months. It's not the tenth. But every one is as awful as the last.

She has no idea how long she spends struggling to calm her heart, her lungs, her mind, only that she's only just managed to start feeling like an actual person again when she's startled by the sound of the bells over the tavern's entrance. Which makes no sense, because didn't Rob lock the door?

Dazedly, Jenny looks up only to find the very last person she's expecting to see. She blinks her eyes several times, but the image doesn't change.

"Damn exorcism ran long," the woman says, shrugging out of her pale coat.

This time, Jenny notes a little hysterically, the shirt underneath doesn't have any of those absurd tiny buttons.

"Demons are not terribly respectful of your time, are they?" Rob says wryly. "These are the tenants I was telling you about. Charles, Edwin, and Crystal of the Dead Boy Detective Agency. And this is Jenny, who's on staff here at the New Inn.

“Everyone, this is Johanna Constantine. If you've a demon problem, she's the best person I can think of to help you solve it."

#jenny green/johanna constantine #jenny green #johanna constantine #sandman rarepair fest #sandman rarepair fests 2024 #the sandman #dead boy detectives #sandman fanfic #dead boy detectives fanfic #my fic

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densewentz · 3 months

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i dont know much but i know Jenny the Butcher and Johanna Constantine should get absolutely wasted together

#johanna constantine #jenny green #jenny the butcher #dead boy detectives #the sandman #theyd make a terrible couple but the absolute bitch-session these queens could have

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bludpudding · 4 months

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hello and welcome to

the series where i take a bunch of sandman characters, throw them into a drag race simulator, and make stupid 100% biased commentary. that’s it, really. (now with the dead boy detectives!)

{Week 1}

quite the ball fondler, aren't we, thomas?

monty, I'm a bit skeptical. you were just born like. yesterday. and spent most of your life in a cage. not exactly sure that's the best option.

crystal? something tells me that her abilities might aid in doing impersonations,,,, maybe,,,, i have faith in her

very cat thing to do.

what's with the birds and rhytmic gymnastics bitch you're birds

she's gonna serve and she fucking knows it!!!

death are you even allowed to do that on stage

oh they're all gonna eat. charles i'm laughing at you (affectionate)

THEY KNOW WHERE THEIR TALENTS LIE

and if i said this was a dumbass choice

guys is he gonna carve himself a new face i'm scared

winning the idgaf war

LUCIENNE ABSOLUTELY GIRL YOU GOT THIS

ESTHER??? OKAY. WHATEVER

oh you know his ass is gonna do a dramatic reveal

CORINTHIAN WHAT DID I SAY. WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY

yk i really thought edwin's gay boy piano recital was gonna take the cake but i was right crystal's got some extra powers

i am. staring at my screen rn. i swear to fucking god. we cannot do this in the first fucking week corinthian don't expect me to give you a welcome home

yk. this is not the first time this match up has happened.

THANK FUCKING GOD SORRY ROSE CORI HAS TO STAY ITS FOR THE GOOD OF THE PEOPLE

desire do i even want to know

ABSOLUTELY NOT NIKO WOULD NEVER. WRONG. WRONG. ALL OF YOU ARE WRONG

Relationship Updates

Recap

saw my life flash before my eyes tbh corinthian you're on thin fucking ice

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tryan-a-bex · 21 days

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Words: 1.9k Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV), The Sandman (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Modern Johanna Constantine/Death of the Endless, Crystal Palace & Niko Sasaki Characters: Crystal Palace (DCU), Niko Sasaki, Charles Rowland (DCU), Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Jenny Green (Dead Boy Detectives), Modern Johanna Constantine (The Sandman TV), Death of the Endless, Kingham and Litty | The Dandelion Sprites Additional Tags: AU-gust | August Writing Challenge, Everybody Lives, Found Family, literally found, witchery, summonings, it's scary for the characters at times but not for us, I don't like writing thrillers I guess too much adrenaline, Returning Home, Charles and Edwin meet Death of the Endless, Crystal's Tree Summary:

Crystal finally gets a response to her texts to Niko, and the Dead Boy Detective Agency turns their resources to finding her back.

“I’ll be back soon, I promise.” Crystal stared at the text on her phone. In the last two months, she’d sent hundreds of unread texts to Niko’s number. Someday, the number would be passed on to someone new and she’d have to stop, she knew. But this. This wasn’t the “you have the wrong number” text she’d been dreading. (It was way too soon for that, anyway.) This was Niko. Or at least, there was no sign of it being fake that she could use to convince herself otherwise. Crystal realized that there were tears running down her face.

#dead boy detectives #niko sasaki #crystal palace #constantdeath #johanna constantine #death of the endless #jenny green #dandelion sprites #charles and edwin #tryana find it back #au-gust 2024

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lesbiannieism · 4 months

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i think shipping jenny with death or johanna constantine are both great ideas, and while i’m probably leaning a little more toward constantine (there are a lot of realistic ways they could meet and the butcher and the exorcist would be such a badass ship), i do really like the idea of death have a human she favors the same way some of the other endless do. and death is so peaceful and spiritual and understands the beauty of life and connection and the meaning of it all and i think she would be really endeared by jenny’s grumpy nihilism, especially because deep down jenny really just wants to be loved

#jenny green #johanna constantine #death of the endless #dead boy detectives #the sandman

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seiya-starsniper · 1 month

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Six Degrees of Separation - Ch 6 COMPLETED

(Sandman x Dead Boy Detectives)

Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Crystal Palace/Charles Rowland (DCU), Johanna Constantine/Jenny Green

Rating: Teen & Up | Chapters 6/6 | Words: 12K

Tags: POV Multiple, Hob Gadling gives live advice to a bunch of teenagers, while helping them solve cases, that's it that's the fic, also he maybe plays matchmaker for his hot mess bestie, fic starts out as crystal/charles and ends with charles/edwin, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Hob Gadling adopts the Dead Boy Detectives

Tumblr Posts: Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5

Read Chapter 6 below, or at the above link on AO3

A year after Hob’s adopted three teenagers and a full grown adult as his unintentional, supernatural crime-solving family, a small Japanese girl walks into his pub covered in glitter and blood.

And she's with Dream , of all people. Dream, who looks like someone had run him through a blender and spat him out the wrong way. He’s not covered in the same glittering blood as his mysterious companion, but his messy black hair is even more wild and unkempt than normal, and the exhausted look on his face tells Hob he’s just gotten himself out of one hell of a situation and needs to talk about it.

Well, at least the pub was completely empty so that made things easy. Which, now that Hob thinks about it, was probably intentional intervention on Dream’s part.

“Hello old friend,” Hob greets Dream with a wave as they approach the bar, where he’s cleaning and drying off some pint glasses. Hob turns his gaze down towards the girl, who for all intents and purposes appears human, but somehow still looks like someone out of a cartoon with bubblegum pink hair that is definitely not wig, and wide, iridescent blue eyes a shade of blue he’s pretty sure does not exist in normal human eyes. “And you are—?”

“You don’t look like you’re over 600 years old,” the girl says bluntly, shocking Hob enough that he nearly drops the glass he’s holding. “You’re not feeding children to a giant snake to look young too, are you?” she asks him.

“Niko,” Dream growls at the girl and Hob’s brain short-circuits even further as he processes the name. “That is not what I told you.”

Hob gapes for a solid minute looking back and forth between the two of them as Dream and Niko (Niko? Niko?!) start arguing about the semantics of immortality.

“You said he was immortal, so I was expecting a wise old man!” Niko exclaims, gesturing a glittery blood-soaked mitten in Hob’s direction. “Not a guy who looks like a middle school teacher! Esther had to eat kids to look like that!”

“Hob is not eating children,” Dream replies with an exasperated sigh, resting a palm over his head. “For the last time Niko, my sister—”

“Niko? As in Niko Sasaki?” Hob blurts out, interrupting their conversation because otherwise his brain is going to explode. Both Dream and Niko whip their heads at him in surprise.

“Niko Sasaki with the weirdly large manga collection?” Hob continues as his brain recounts every single thing he’s heard about the girl in the past year. “Niko who tried to set Jenny up with a serial killer and it didn’t quite go as planned? Niko with the parasite fairies that lived inside her for months?”

“You know who I am?” Niko gasps. She turns to Dream, who looks just as shocked as she does. “How does he know me?” she demands. “Wait!” she exclaims before Dream can even reply, turning back to face Hob. “Are you psychic too?”

“No, but I know one who will be very happy to see you,” Hob answers, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here I’ve heard so much about—oh shit wait! JENNY! GET OUT HERE!” Hob yells at the top of his lungs, remembering belatedly that there was someone in The New Inn right now that would be thrilled to see Niko.

“ Jenny ?” Niko practically shrieks, and both Hob and Dream wince at the high pitched sound. “Jenny’s in London? Wait, why is Jenny in London?”

“Moved over here with Crystal and the boys,” Hob says. “Oy, Jenny!” he calls out again, and this time, the American comes rushing out of the kitchen, looking extremely annoyed but also alarmed.

“What? What’s happening? Are we under attack aga—” she goes silent when she sees Niko. “Niko?” she whispers.

“Oh my god, Jenny!” Niko cries out, which seems to break Jenny out of her trance. Suddenly, the two girls are rushing towards each other, collapsing into a pile on the floor as they hug and sob.

“Oh my god is that blood and glitter on you?” Jenny says. “What the fuck? Are you alive? Am I dead? Oh God, I’m dead aren’t I? I can see the grim reaper right over there,” she adds, noticing Dream for the first time as she clutches Niko desperately to her.

Niko giggles. “No silly, that’s Dream. He just looks like that,” she says, gesturing to the Endless, and Hob can’t help but laugh at Dream's dour expression. He’d thought Dream was the embodiment of Death once upon a time because of that face too. “He’s the one who helped me get back to Earth!”

“Back to—where the hell have you been, Niko?” Jenny asks incredulously.

“No, not Hell silly, I was in the Dreaming!” Niko answers brightly. “Although Hell did try to take over, which is why it took so long for me to get back.”

“Hell did what now ?” Hob cuts in, suddenly feeling quite faint. He’s quite glad he’s still behind the bar, else he may have also collapsed on the floor himself.

“It is,” Dream says with a deep and weary sigh, “quite the tale. It seems you have your own stories to share as well, my friend.”

“I—yeah I do. I’ll close the bar and call the boys and Crystal,” Hob replies. “Best if we get both stories out in one go, I think.”

“Agreed.”

-------------------------

There's a lot of screaming and crying that follows, and Hob is pretty certain he's going to be hard of hearing for the next few days while his eardrums recover. He doesn't mind though. Not when the kids all look so happy.

Niko's soul, it turns out, had been blasted to an entirely different dimension when she’d died, and that had been due to the cocktail of magical essences Niko had been carrying on her person unknowingly at the time. A lucky charm in the shape of a polar bear from someone named Tragic Mick had protected her from the magic that Esther the Witch had used to kill her, but then that magic had collided with the magic of the dandelion sprites. Apparently, when Litty and Kingham left Niko’s body without killing her, they had left some of their essence behind in her body, forging a connection that forced them to go wherever she went. And if all that wasn’t complicated enough, there was also apparently a cursed magic 8-ball! Hob’s really not sure how that played a part in anything, but according to Dream and Niko, the fact that she’d carried it with her at the time was vital to her transformation.

Which is to say, Niko Sasaki was no longer necessarily human. At least, not human by this dimension’s standards. Apparently her hair had once been black, then bleached blonde when the sprites had left her body, and now this newest brush with her own mortality had left her hair bright pink, and her eyes a glowing blue. Apparently it gave her the ability to see in the dark, and also sometimes see the future, amongst other abilities that she and Dream were still discovering.

In short, as she described it, Niko had become “a magical school girl! Without the weird uniform though. But all the cool magic!”

Dream had come across her when she’d attempted to get back to the reality she knew. Her transformation had given her the ability to dimension walk, though she didn’t know that’s what she was doing when she’d been drawn to the gates of the Dreaming. She’d only walked towards something that felt like home to her, and the gates of the Dreaming, also recognizing Niko as one of its original inhabitants, had swung open easily to let her and the sprites inside.

Dream himself had not been so welcoming at first. He’d taken Niko’s accidental wandering as intentional trespassing with an intent to invade. Niko and the sprites had tried to explain themselves, but they didn’t get very far before an actual threat to the Dreaming appeared in the form of Lucifer Morningstar and their generals from Hell. Although they were not obligated to, all three joined the battle against Hell, Niko because she felt it was the right thing to do, while Litty and Kingham claimed Hell was no place for faeries.

In the end, however, the sprites had perished during the battle, giving up their lives and the last of their magic for Niko, which is why she was covered in glittering blood. Apparently, sprite blood doesn’t wash out, but would fade on its own over time. Since Litty and Kingham had died within the boundaries of the Dreaming, Dream had offered them a permanent place in his realm as residents, as gratitude for their sacrifice. They had chosen to become nightmares, which, according to Niko and the others, was entirely appropriate considering their personalities.

Hob’s head is spinning by the time Dream and Niko finish recounting the tale. Edwin and Charles immediately start asking dozens of questions about Niko’s time in another dimension, while Crystal and Jenny bracket the girl on each side, holding her tightly as if she may disappear again if they weren’t around to tether her to this dimension. Johanna shows up at some point to be moral support for her girlfriend too, and further breaks Hob’s brain by confirming she too had been blasted to another dimension due to magic spells gone wrong.

Hob should maybe update his wards to include prevention against interdimensional travel. He’ll figure out the how of that later, though. Right now, tonight was a night for celebrating, school night be damned. It does not escape his notice that he’s the only one of their group that even has to worry about that.

-------------------------

Hours later, Hob finds himself alone at the new Inn with Dream, cleaning up dishes and putting away the chairs for the night. The others had offered at first to help clean up, but Hob had insisted they all go home and rest, but Dream had insisted that he would stay behind to help clean up and well, Hob’s never been able to deny Dream anything.

Hob hadn’t missed the pointed looks Crystal and Edwin had given him as she and the others had filed out of the pub, nor the curious look from Jenny, and most certainly not the look of abject horror from Johanna. Charles and Niko had been the worst offenders, both giving him two obnoxious thumbs up on their way out. Hob doesn’t even know Niko, this was just getting embarrassing at this point. Everyone seemed to have some sort of opinion on Hob’s relationship (no, not a situationship) with Dream.

Hob really only cares about one person’s opinion though, and he’s currently staring at Hob as he finishes wiping down the tables, the last activity left before he closes up for the night.

“You did a good thing, reuniting those kids,” Hob says to Dream as he tosses his rag on the counter and turns to face his friend. “I've never seen them so happy.”

Dream hums contemplatively. “I hardly did anything,” he replies, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “It was Niko's determination alone that carried her as far as it did, and her bravery that kept my realm from falling. I simply delivered her back to the Waking World.”

“I’m glad she was here, to have your back,” Hob says. “And I’m glad you brought her here. I know you said earlier you didn’t know the kids were here, but did you really not notice?”

“I did not,” Dream admits. “I have been—preoccupied with many things as of late. I simply brought Niko to where I knew for certain that she would be safe. Cared for.”

“I’m honored,” Hob replies, grinning from ear to ear. “That you’d consider me a good caretaker for her. I would hope you know I’d be happy to care for you too, should you ever need it.”

“I am—aware,” Dream says, his cheeks taking on the slightest hue of pink. Hob briefly wonders if Dream blushes everywhere on his body, or only just on his face. Then he feels his own face heat up as his mind goes off in other directions.

“Would you like to come upstairs?” Hob asks, trying to distract himself from his wandering thoughts, but then he realizes just how suggestive his invitation sounds and blushes even more. “I mean, I uh, if you don’t have anywhere to be I’d uhm—I’d like to keep talking,” he adds quickly, trying and failing to banish thoughts of what they could be doing in Hob’s flat other than talking . Christ, this was his oldest friend, not some girl he was trying to take to bed for the night. Dream doesn’t respond right away to Hob’s question, only tilts his head at him as if assessing something that Hob cannot see.

“Hob Gadling,” Dream finally says, his voice suddenly serious. “You are aware I can see into daydreams as well as sleeping ones?”

Shit.

Well cat’s out of the bag then. Might as well own up to it. Crystal’s never going to let him live this down, Hob knows.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Hob says, before taking a deep breath to calm the rapid beating of his heart. “I really did want to just talk, I promise. I’m a grown man, Dream I know how to take a rejection. I’m happy for just your company, and friendship.” He means every single word of it too, and if Dream didn’t believe him, he could apparently just read his mind to find out.

“Hmmm,” Dream replies, before he takes one, two, three wide steps into Hob’s personal space. Hob inhales sharply, tasting petrichor and stars and infinity in that single breath.

“I have been made aware recently,” Dream continues after a moment, looking up at Hob from his eyelashes, “that I carry a lot of ‘baggage’, as Niko likes to put it.”

“We all have our burdens,” Hob replies, with a shrug. “I'd help you carry yours, if you'd let me. Or well, if I could.”

“No,” Dream says. “I asked another once, if she would be my queen, and share that burden with me. She told me the burden would be too great for her, or any mortal.”

“Dream,” Hob starts, more ready to make his case. “I could—”

“No,” Dream interrupts, shaking his head, his gaze suddenly faraway as he recalls what Hob assumes to be a painful memory. “She was right. I would not ask you to take such a responsibility. It would fundamentally change you and leave you unable to live your life as you have been accustomed to these past centuries.”

“But?” Hob asks knowing there is a but in Dream’s tone. Dream sighs, before he meets Hob’s eyes again, his gaze clearer and perhaps a bit…hopeful?

“But perhaps…maybe coffee?” Dream asks shyly. Hob laughs.

“Did you learn that from Niko too?” Hob teases him.

“In a way,” Dream answers, cryptic as ever. “If you are willing to be patient with me, Hob, I would gladly cherish you as both a friend and… something more than that,” he adds, and Hob’s heart soars. “There are limitations, however, and I—”

“Dream,” Hob interrupts. “Remember how we started? A hundred years between each meeting? That was enough.” He takes Dream's hand into his and kisses it, then moves his lips across each individual knuckle.

“I don't know how relationships with anthropomorphic personifications are supposed to work, but I know it won't be what I'm used to,” Hob confesses. “And it's okay, Dream. It's enough for me, just to know that you feel something for me too. We can figure the rest out later.”

“You are too free with your affections,” Dream tells him, but there’s no real reproach in his voice.

“Maybe,” Hob replies. “But I have a lot of love to give, what with living forever and all. Let me show you just how much?” he adds, this time unashamedly letting his daydreams unspool from his mind. The innocent and dirty alike. Dream’s eyes widen as he seems to physically taste Hob’s dreams, before his eyes darken and he squeezes Hob’s hand in turn.

“Lead the way then,” Dream says, his lips quirking just the slightest bit into a playful smile. Hob kisses Dream's hand once more and winks, before leading the Endless upstairs to end the night.

#dead boy detectives #dbda #the sandman #dreamling #payneland #painland #seiya writes dreamling #seiya writes dbda #AND WE ARE DONE

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thepenguinandthefiend · 6 months

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My F/Os

Since I've decided to become a self-ship blog now, here's a list of my f/os. There will likely be more added later.

Romantic F/Os:

Zatanna Zatara (DC comics) {no sharing} Johanna Mason (Hunger Games) {no sharing} Desire (The Sandman) {no sharing} Elektra Natchios (Marvel comics) {no sharing} Bucky Barnes (MCU) {sharing iffy} Illyana Rasputin (X-Men) {no sharing} Bill Potts (Doctor Who) {sharing ok} Dean Winchester (Supernatural) {no sharing} Mazikeen (Lucifer) {sharing iffy} Remy LeBeau (X-Men) {sharing iffy} Gareth Ritter (Brain Dead) {no sharing} Vanessa Morales (In the Heights) {sharing iffy} Faith Lehane (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) {sharing ok} Elsa Bloodstone (Marvel Comics) {no sharing} Boodikka (Green Lantern) {sharing ok} Felicity Smoak (Arrow) {sharing iffy} Lena Luthor (Supergirl) {sharing iffy} Emilia Rothschild (Jack of All Trades) {sharing ok} Shotzi (WWE) {no sharing} Finn Balor (WWE) {no sharing} Abadon (AEW) {no sharing} Tulip O'Hare (Preacher) {sharing ok} Queen Emeraldas (Galaxy Express 999) {sharing ok} Dr. Kimiyo Hoshi (DC Comics) {sharing iffy} Darby Allin (AEW) {no sharing} Jenny Green (Dead Boy Detectives) {sharing iffy} Bleez (Green Lantern) {sharing ok} Klaus Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) {no sharing} Harley Quinn (DC Comics) {sharing iffy} Poison Ivy {sharing iffy}

Queer-Platonic F/Os:

America Chavez (Young Avengers) Ella Lopez (Lucifer) Finnick Odair (Hunger Games) Hartley Rathaway (Flash/DC comics) Kate Bishop (Young Avengers) Monica Rambeau (Marvel Comics/MCU) Larissa Duan (Check, Please) Roxie Richter (Scott Pilgrim) Shvaughn Erin (Legion of Superheroes) Bling Mag (Repo: the Genetic Opera) Drew McIntyre (WWE) Yelena Belova (Marvel Comics) Ianto Jones (Torchwood) Benny Lafitte (Supernatural) Carla (In the Heights)

Platonic F/Os:

Kon-El (DC comics) Eliot Waugh (The Magicians) Jonathan Crane (DC comics) Wallace Wells (Scott Pilgrim) Ragdoll (Secret Six) Yukio Okumura (Blue Exorcist) Winn Schott Jr. (Supergirl) Edward Nygma (Gotham) William Poindexter (Check, Please) Jaysen Caulfield (Icebreaker) Onomatopoeia (DC comics) Topher Brink (Dollhouse) Danhausen (AEW) Roy Harper (DC comics/Arrowverse) Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice: the Musical)

Familial F/Os:

Alfred Pennyworth (DC comics) [grandfather] The Master (Doctor Who) [father] Wanda Maximoff (Marvel comics) [mother] Ursula (The Little Mermaid) [mother] Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland) [mother] Bruce Wayne (DC comics) [father] Pietro Maximoff (Marvel comics) [uncle] Lorna Dane (Marvel comics) [aunt] Erik Lensher (Marvel comics) [grandfather] John Constantine (DC comics/Arrowverse) [older brother] Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil) [older brother] Leonard Snart (DC comics/Arrowverse) [older brother] Lisa Snart (DC comics/Arrowverse) [older sister] Kent Parson (Check, Please) [older brother] Dick Grayson (DC comics) [older brother] Jason Todd (DC comics) [older brother] Enjolras (Les Miserables) [twin brother] Tim Drake (DC comics) [younger brother] Damian Wayne (DC comics) [younger brother] Stephanie Brown (DC comics) [younger sister] Cassandra Cain (DC comics) [younger sister] Duke Thomas (DC comics) [younger brother] Billy Kaplan (Young Avengers) [younger brother] Tommy Shepherd (Young Avengers) [younger brother] Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) [adopted brother] Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) [cousin] Graham Miller (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) [cousin] Percy de Rolo (Vox Machina) [cousin] Luna Maximoff (Marvel comics) [cousin] 10K (Z-Nation) [son] Lonnie Machin (DC comics) [son] Andrew Wells (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) [adopted son] Giovanni Zatara (DC Comics) [father-in-law] Piotr Rasputin (X-Men) [brother-in-law] Teddy Altman (Young Avengers) [brother-in-law] Sam Winchester (Supernatural) [brother-in-law] Adam Milligan (Supernatural) [brother-in-law] Dream (Sandman) [brother-in-law] Death (Sandman) [sister-in-law] Delirium (Sandman) [sister-in-law] Despair (Sandman) [sister-in-law] Destiny (Sandman) [brother-in-law] The Prodigal (Sandman) [brother-in-law] Luther Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) [brother-in-law] Diego Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) [brother-in-law] Allison Hargreeves (Umbrella Acadmy) [sister-in-law] Five Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) [brother-in-law] Ben Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) [brother-in-law] Viktor Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) [brother-in-law/best friend]

Pet F/Os:

Lockheed (X-Men) Dex-Starr (DC comics) Cheshire Cat (Alice in Wonderland)

#self ship #selfship community #my f/os

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bludpudding · 4 months

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hello and welcome back to

the series where i take a bunch of sandman characters, throw them into a drag race simulator, and make stupid 100% biased commentary. that’s it, really. (now with the dead boy detectives!)

{Week 2}

yk i do believe she could make a mean wig. out of the human hair of little girls probably but that's neither here nor there

THANK GOD corinthian's making a comeback i was about to file for divorce for like the 9th time this year

since this is a dance competition i feel like we should give them grace because one of them was made human about a week ago and the other is a pumpkin. but NOBODY listens to me

THATS RIGHT DAY TIME DRAMA MAMA. TOP 3 MILFS OF THE DAY

oh it's because she's goth isn't it. mhm. mhm. i see.

THATS RIGHT. THATS RIGHT. IMMEDIATE VENGEANCE NOT FUCKING AROUND TODAY NO MA'AM

see now what did i say about monty getting grace for being a bird. don't get any fucking opinions in this autocracy

you think jenny brought the cleaver on stage

like i cant say im surprised. but. yk. survival of the fittest. bro got butched.

wait is jenny being a butcher a pun on

no.

i'm mad now

carrying on

who's after morpheus? most people i think. me included

is this foreshadowing something

Recap

edwin and crystal are tied for 1st place, corinthian is trying to avoid sleeping on the couch tonight

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bludpudding · 4 months

Text

hello and welcome to a lil somethin i like to call

the series where i take a bunch of sandman characters, throw them into a drag race simulator, and make stupid 100% biased commentary. that’s it, really. (now with the dead boy detectives!)

i have done two seasons of sandman drag race before on my instagram stories but since this is the first time i’m doing it on tumblr, i’m just gonna call it season 1. really all you need to know from past seasons is that corinthian lost to desire BOTH TIMES somehow and i lost my shit. if it happens again i’m throwing in the towel.

things in the simulator i can control:

the characters competing and their stats (tried to make them somewhat accurate to what i think their skills would be; morpheus having a maxed out design stat, edwin having a killer runway stat, etc.)

who can return once after being eliminated (all of this will be premade so unfortunately we cannot do a poll. hopefully i will find a workaround for this in the future so we can get some crowd participation going)

things in the simulator i cannot control:

the songs chosen for lipsyncs (sad)

character’s actions and their drama. if (when) characters start making out and yelling at each other i’m an innocent bystander and had nothing to do with it. i'm playing house but my dolls are alive and doing their own thing.

who gets eliminated

who wins

Here are your Season 1 Queens:

we begin tomorrow.

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bludpudding · 4 months

Text

hello and welcome back to

the series where i take a bunch of sandman characters, throw them into a drag race simulator, and make stupid 100% biased commentary. that’s it, really. (now with the dead boy detectives!)

{Week 3}

i'm imagining lucifer with killer hips

oh cat king is ABSOLUTELY a pro at making clothes out of recycled objects

all yall mid

THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT HE SHOULD NOT HAVE WON

oh I KNOW you're not taking death from me this early on

bro.

THANK GOD

but

does this mean she's fucking dead

new rule: anyone who loses to death in a lipsync is canonically dead

uh. corimatt shippers this one goes out to you

everytime i see something of them together i get flashbacks to that one drawing of matt pegging cori. two pump bird.

cori can do whatever he wants as long as he comes home to me at the end of the day. gonna be picking feathers out of his pussy i GUESS

OH THERES GOTTA BE LORE BEHIND THIS

what's funnier is thomas literally just left the set but decided he needed to come back for this. possibly trying to make edwin jealous on purpose. i see you. i see you.

NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT??? THEYRE HAVING A TEA PARTY

Recap

morpheus, esther, crystal, and edwin are tied for first place good lord

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seiya-starsniper · 2 months

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Six Degrees of Separation - Ch 4 (Sandman x Dead Boy Detectives)

Summary:

The Dead Boy Detectives run into a familiar pub while out on a case, and Crystal has to contend with an unfortunate event from her past. Hob Gadling wasn't planning on adopting three teenagers and a full grown woman, but stranger things have happened in his long centuries of life.

Tumblr Posts: Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3

Read Chapter 4 below, or at the above link on AO3

---------------------------------

“Jenny, can you help me with these boxes?” Hob calls out to the kitchen as his supplier finishes unloading their cargo from the delivery truck. It’s early, and only the two of them are at the Inn at present. Hob had told Jenny that she didn’t need to come in the mornings when she’d first started, but the former butcher had wandered in anyways on her first week, claiming she needed to do something with her jet lag or she’d go insane.

Almost two months later, Jenny’s still on the morning shift most days and Hob’s grateful for it, honestly. Having run her own place back in the states means she’s efficient, and doesn’t take any nonsense when suppliers are late or trying to argue with him. She’s also great for commiserating with, whether it’s about customer service or really annoying supernatural occurrences. Like the poltergeist in her apartment that the boys had to exorcise the week before.

When they’re done unloading everything, Hob stays back in the kitchen to put everything away, while Jenny gets ready for opening. There’s not usually a lot of people right at opening, except on Sundays, when all the hungover university students are craving brunch, so Hob’s not worried about leaving Jenny alone out there while he preps in the back.

When he finally emerges a little after 1:00pm, right when the lunch rush starts to pick up, one of his newer regulars is chatting happily with Jenny, and he can tell by her body language that she seems utterly charmed by the American.

“She seems nice,” Hob teases his newest employee later. “Pretty too.”

“Yeah I’m not—really into blondes,” Jenny replies, and something about the caginess in her voice tells Hob that there’s a story behind that. He’s not sure if it’s related to how she ended up with the Dead Boy Detective Agency or not, but he makes a note to ask Edwin about it later. He was coming by later to look at Hob’s tomes again to see if there was a spell in there that could help with their latest case.

“Ah well, plenty of fish in the sea,” Hob says easily. “Especially when you go from living in a small town in America to great old London. How are you adjusting, by the way?”

Jenny happily accepts the subject change and takes the opportunity to complain about her flat. The boys had exorcised the poltergeist, but not before it had flung nearly all of her belongings about the entire place, and put a few holes she’d have to fix before her landlord noticed. Hob had offered to help her find a new place while the whole incident was occurring, but Jenny had been stubborn and refused to move. Still is refusing to move, in fact.

Godspeed to her, Hob thinks. Hopefully another ghost won’t move in.

---------------------------------

“Niko attempted to play matchmaker with Jenny by arranging her to meet with her secret admirer,” Edwin tells him later that afternoon as he peruses the pages of one of Hob’s, or rather Mad Hettie’s, cursebreaker books. “Unfortunately, Maxine also revealed herself to be Jenny’s stalker, and when she saw that made Jenny uncomfortable, tried to kill her.”

“Oh bloody hell,” Hob says, nearly choking on his tea. “Yeah, I’d swear off dating for a while too.”

“Indeed,” Edwin says, flipping through the pages of a particularly heavy looking volume. “Relationships seem so much more…complicated in this day and age,” Edwin notes casually. Hob studies him for a moment, wondering if Edwin had come to talk to him about something that wasn’t quite related to his work.

“They are,” Hob agrees, taking another sip of his tea. “But there’s a lot more freedom too. You can choose who you love now, regardless of status, race, religion or…gender,” he adds, carefully studying Edwin’s face for some sort of reaction.

“Ah ha! Found it,” Edwin exclaims, either completely ignoring Hob’s comment, or too caught up in his discovery to notice what the immortal had said. He looks up at Hob and smiles. “Do you mind if I borrow this for our case? I promise to bring it back unharmed.”

“Go ahead,” Hob nods, waving casually. Edwin snaps the book shut and heads towards the door of Hob’s flat, then abruptly stops. Something tenses in the boy’s shoulders and Hob thinks he can guess what it is Edwin wants to ask him.

“Mr Gadling?” Edwin asks, turning back around to face him.

“Hob,” Hob corrects him. “What is it? Did you need something else?”

“No I—this is a more—personal question, if you wouldn’t mind,” Edwin says, his tone now shy instead of confident like it had been moments before.

“All right,” Hob says, shrugging and trying to look as non-threatening as possible. “What is it?”

Edwin’s face goes through a multitude of emotions before the boy finally seems to find the words he’s looking for.

“How long have you known your proclivities tended towards men as well as women?” Edwin asks, and the bluntness of the question causes Hob to choke on his biscuit. He coughs violently into his sleeve, which catches most of the small crumbs he manages to dislodge from his throat. When he looks up next, Edwin is staring curiously at him, arms wrapped around the book he’d decided to borrow, waiting for Hob to answer his question.

“Uhhhh…” Hob coughs again, then gulps down the rest of his tea, dislodging the last of the offending biscuit. “I guess since the 14th or 15th century?” he says uncertainly, flailing about as he tries to recall the first time he’d ever fancied a man. “I know when you were alive there was all this—” he gestures vaguely, “nonsense around homosexuality, but well—things weren’t always like that. So I guess I’ve known for. A while,” he finishes somewhat lamely.

Edwin sighs, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He looks like he wants to follow up on his question, but doesn’t seem to know how.

“Something you want to talk about?” Hob asks after a brief silence. Edwin sighs again, then steps back towards the living room, and Hob makes a mental note to make more tea for this longer conversation.

“It was brought to my attention recently that I am in love with my best friend,” Edwin says, still as straightforward as ever. “But I assume you already knew that.”

Hob shrugs helplessly, not willing to confirm or deny his conversation with Charles. Edwin seems to understand the gesture immediately though.

“I don’t require the details of your conversations with Charles,” Edwin follows up. “However, I suppose I am seeking some—commiseration. For a broken heart.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right spot,” Hob says with a soft smile. “I know a thing or two about unrequited love with your best friend and all that.”

Edwin tilts his head curiously. “You are speaking of your patron? Death’s brother?”

Hob chokes again, this time only on air.

“Why,” Hob groans, burying his face in his hands, “Does everyone seem to know this?!”

“I am a detective,” Edwin replies, deadpan. “However, you are also extremely obvious in your affections. Perhaps more so than Charles is about Crystal, and that is a feat, I assure you,” he adds, rolling his eyes.

Before Hob can retort that he is very much not obvious, and that Edwin himself is oblivious to just how affectionate Charles is about him, there’s a loud rapping at the front door, which causes both Hob and Edwin to jolt in surprise.

“Oy, Hobsie! Open up, I need your help with something!” a female voice yells from the other side of his door. Hob sighs, knowing the source of the voice all too well, and then reluctantly gets up from his comfortable position on the couch to answer the door.

Johanna Constantine strides in without so much as a hello, making a beeline straight for his study, but then stops suddenly, making direct eye contact with Edwin.

“Hobsie, don’t be alarmed but there’s a dead child in you flat right now,” Johanna says. “And it looks like he’s stealing one of your books.”

Edwin scoffs. “Excuse you, I am borrowing this tome, with permission, I may add.”

“Right,” Hob interjects before Johanna can get another word in. “Jo, this is Edwin, Edwin, this is Johanna Constantine,” he says gesturing between the two of them. “We’re all friends here, no one’s stealing anything.”

“Oh, a Constantine!” Edwin exclaims with delight. “How ever did you get involved with her?” he asks, turning to Hob.

“Long story, kid, but I don’t have time for that right now, I need some help with a case,” Johanna says. “Unless you’ve got any expertise on weird fish men who live in swamps and eat people.”

“Actually, I do,” Edwin says, much to the shock of both Johanna and Hob. “1974,” he adds, as if this explains everything. “I’m happy to help, and I’d love to pick your brain on an old cursed fountain pen, while we’re at it, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Johanna stares at Edwin for a moment, her eyes narrowing.

“You’re those ghost investigators or something, aren’t you?” she asks. “I’d heard of you, but I hadn't realized you were actual children.”

Edwin scoffs. “We are the Dead Boy Detectives, thank you very much, Miss Constantine,” he says. “Now would you like our help or not?”

---------------------------------

A week later, Hob is questioning whether he should’ve introduced Johanna and Edwin as he hangs suspended above a supposedly haunted pond.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Hob yells from his precarious position.

“Don’t worry Hobsie!” Johanna yells back as she adjusts the rope to lower Hob closer to the pond. Hob swears he hears a weird growling coming from below the water’s surface. “This shouldn't be low enough to kill you, I think,” Johanna continues. “And anyways, if it is, you’ll just come back!”

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO DIE IN THE FIRST PLACE JO!” Hob shouts back.

“Not to worry Mr Gadling!” Edwin pipes in. “Charles and I shall ensure your library is well guarded should you unexpectedly perish and we’ll help Jenny out the Inn. Crystal is also quite experienced at sneaking bodies out of hospitals.”

“That was one time!” Crystal exclaims indignantly.

“If you die, do I still get paid on Friday?” Jenny, who has inexplicably decided to tag along for this case, asks. “Or is there like, a 3-5 business day turnaround for resurrection?”

“You better still pay her, Hobsie!” Johanna chimes in, and Hob can see her grinning devilishly at his employee. “A girl’s gotta eat after all,” she adds with a wink towards her.

Terrible. These people were all terrible and he was going to have to die and start over with a new life. And he was going to find some new friends while he was at it too.

---------------------------------

Hob doesn’t die, but he does lose a chunk of shoulder to what’s later revealed to be some half shark, half man monstrosity. At least the damage from that will be gone by tomorrow. Hopefully anyways. Even if Hob did have to cover it up, it certainly wouldn't take nearly as long to heal as a whole resurrection does.

“Jenny is romantically available, by the way,” Hob hears Edwin tell Johanna in a low voice once he's been let down and wrapped in five layers of bandages.

“Is she now?” Johanna asks, in a tone Hob knows is definitely interested. “And you’re so interested in my love life because—?”

Edwin shrugs, and Hob catches the barest hint of a smile on his face.

“I think you’d like each other,” is all he says, enigmatic as ever.

“Are you trying to play matchmaker to distract yourself from your own love life?” Hob asks Edwin later when the boy comes to return Hob’s book. “Because I can tell you from first hand experience it only makes you more sad when you do that.”

Edwin hums. “It’s something Niko would’ve wanted to do,” he says. “She felt so bad after the whole thing with Maxine. But she’s no longer here, so I’ll have to do it in her memory. At least this time I can guarantee Miss Constantine is not a serial killer. The rest of her character though...I suppose she seems...pleasant?”

Hob howls with laughter. “Yeah okay, that’s fair. Need some help with your little scheme then?”

Edwin’s eyes dance with mischief and delight, and Hob’s painfully reminded of Robyn in that moment. He’s never had another child with anyone else besides Eleanor, not knowingly anyways. Being a father was far too painful when you would easily outlive your own child.

But Edwin was already dead, and would be around forever, just like Hob, so perhaps it was inevitable that Hob would love him like a son.

“Okay, so let me tell you what I know about Johanna—”

#dead boy detectives #dbda #dead boy detectives fanfic #the sandman #dreamling #payneland #seiya writes dreamling #seiya writes dbda

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seiya-starsniper · 1 month

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Six Degrees of Separation - Ch 5 (Sandman x Dead Boy Detectives)

Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling, Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Crystal Palace/Charles Rowland (DCU), Johanna Constantine/Jenny Green

Rating: Teen & Up | Status: Incomplete | Chapters 5/6 | Words: 9.3K

Tumblr Posts: Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4

Read Chapter 5 below, or at the above link on AO3

Charles and Crystal call it quits after only four months of dating. They tried, they really did, but there’s way too many other things that Crystal’s worried about right now that just make dating impossible for her.

For one, she still has David buried in a corner of her brain, and he’s already made two attempts this month to try and break out. Crystal desperately needs to find a way to get rid of him completely, before he could wreak havoc on her body without her permission again. Not to mention Crystal’s been trying really hard to make up for all the horrible things she did while she was possessed by David. Each day, it seems like she crosses one item off the list only to find two more things she hadn’t remembered before.

And that’s the other thing, Crystal’s fully back in London now, trying to pick her life back up where she left off, and that includes interacting with living people, people who can’t otherwise see Charles and Edwin. She still makes time to help the boys with their cases, but most of her involvement is now restricted to late nights and weekends, and even then, her old friends now think she’s some sort of weird shut in when she declines invite after invite to some party here or a nightclub event there.

Crystal doesn’t know how she previously managed to live the way she did before. Going out to parties every single night, skipping classes until she got kicked out of every private school her parents used their money to get her into, getting into fights with literally everyone. There’s just so much that she did wrong, she’s surprised she had any friends left to go back to. And even then, none of them trust that she’s turned over a new leaf, that she wants to be better. Some of them even think she’s just putting up an act for some guy, and that once he dumps her she’ll go back to being the same old Crystal.

The worst part is, she is— was —doing just that. Being part of the Dead Boy Detectives made Crystal feel good , like if she somehow saved enough souls, helped enough people, she could make up for some of the awful things she’d forced people to do when she abused her psychic powers. There weren't a lot of things she could outright apologize to the wronged parties for, not without revealing that she had powers in the first place.

Being with Charles too, that had made her feel good. Charles was so much nicer than all the other boys she’d loved before, he was earnest, kind, and optimistic, even if that last trait annoyed her from time to time. Charles was patient with her too, he always offered her a word of comfort and a shoulder to cry on as Crystal struggled to reconcile her memories of the past with who she was now.

It still wasn’t enough. And they both knew it. Charles was still terrible about opening up about his insecurities, and Crystal still had a bad temper. They fought a lot, sometimes about Crystal’s mean personality, and sometimes about Charles' hero complex. Charles had nearly died on a case more than once, and even though Crystal, Edwin and even the fucking Night Nurse had scolded him about his recklessness, Charles had brushed them off and retreated back into his sunny, optimistic personality. She also hated that even though Charles could manifest a somewhat physical form to cuddle with her at night, Crystal still inevitably woke up alone, because ghosts don’t sleep, and the Dead Boy Detectives are always on the clock.

So, in the end, a breakup was inevitable, but she doesn’t regret it, even if things are going to be awkward for a little bit.

Johanna and Jenny take her out for a girl’s night when it happens, but that just ends up reminding Crystal of what she very much doesn’t have. It’s not like Johanna and Jenny are the gross PDA type of couple, but there’s no denying that they’re madly, stupidly in love with one another, even if the two of them try to hide it with sarcasm and friendly jabs.

-------------------------

“I want what Jenny and Johanna have,” Crystal confesses to Hob later over a plate of fish and chips. “I mean—not the girlfriend part. Actually wait, I don’t know about that either,” she adds, nibbling on a particularly crispy chip. “We’ll put a pin in that, for now. But what I actually meant was—I want to love someone who’s alive . Is that terrible of me? Charles can’t help what he is, but—”

“It’s not terrible,” Hob interrupts her before she can spiral into a mess of self-loathing and guilt. “You’re going to eventually grow older, become an adult, and Charles won’t. It’s neither of your faults, that’s just the way it is.”

“Yeah,” Crystal agrees, sighing. “We had a short shelf life to begin with, but it still sucks, ” she laments.

Hob nods, then takes a sip of his beer. “I understand, sort of anyways. Never tried to date a ghost before, but, well, every relationship is a short one when you can’t die.”

“Really? You’ve never tried to like, date a vampire or some other immortal?” Crystal asks. “Or is it because you’re holding out for your situationship to work out?”

Hob groans. “For the last time we’re just—”

“Yeah, yeah, friends,” Crystal interrupts him, rolling her eyes, before she brazenly steals a crisp off Hob’s plate. “At least I have someone to talk to who’s also miserable and single, I guess.”

“Misery does in fact, love company,” Hob agrees with a laugh before he holds up his beer to her. “I’ll drink to that.”

“I would drink, but someone won’t serve me alcohol while I’m here,” Crystal snarks, holding up her lemonade. She may or may not have spiked it while Hob wasn’t looking.

“Laws are laws, Crystal,” Hob replies, clinking their glasses together. “And no, I don’t want to know if you added anything to your own drink, let me be a responsible bar owner for once, please, ” he adds, and Crystal laughs. They toast, and then Crystal checks her phone and responds to messages, while Hob grades a few more papers.

“So how come I haven’t met your situationship yet, anyways?” Crystal asks, breaking the silence. Hob groans.

“Let’s switch to a different topic,” the older man says, before his face lights up. “Crystal, what do you think about enrolling in University next year?”

-------------------------

Things slowly fall back into place as Charles practically glues himself to Edwin’s side now that he and Crystal have called it quits. Crystal also finally draws some boundaries on how many late nights she can actually afford to give them to help with solving cases. Edwin is more than generous with giving her some slack, and Crystal sometimes bitterly wonders if he’s only being so kind because it gives him more alone time with Charles.

Right. Negative thinking is definitely the first thing that she needs to work on.

So Crystal lets herself rest, lets herself slowly work on sorting out her relationship with her friends, her parents, and all the other living people in her life. She lets herself grieve Niko. She makes Hob and Johanna help her lookup ways to banish David from her brain for good.

It helps. And slowly, slowly, Crystal starts to feel better about herself.

Of course, right around the same time that happens, Edwin nearly dies (permanently) when someone stabs him with an iron knife. The noise Edwin makes is not something Crystal ever wants to hear ever again. She desperately holds his hand while Charles sprints back to the office, searching desperately for

“Don’t you dare die on me, Edwin,” Crystal says, squeezing Edwin’s hand as tightly as she can manage.

“I–I,” Edwin coughs, then groans in pain. “I’m already dead, Crystal.”

“Fuck off,” Crystal bites back, but she smiles, despite herself. “You’re going to be okay. Charles is getting the book that’ll heal you and you’re going to be just fine.”

“I know,” Edwin says, then coughs again.

Charles comes back what feels like hours later, a large book in hand. He starts reciting the spell in a language Crystal’s never heard before, and when the last of the iron damage disappears, he pulls Edwin into a bone crushing hug that somehow turns into a desperate kiss between the two of them.

Crystal quickly makes herself scarce, already deciding to drown her sorrows at The New Inn.

Jenny brings her the most ridiculous looking fudge sundae, and Hob doesn’t even say anything when Crystal takes out her flask and pours vodka into the lemonade he serves her. He doesn’t open a tab either.

“Well, can't say I wasn't expecting that,” Crystal says, as she recalls how the night ended. She sighs and takes a deep gulp of her spiked drink, not really caring that Hob was looking at her disapprovingly. “More of a matter of when it would happen, really.”

“You gonna be okay?” Jenny asks her, clearly concerned. Crystal laughs because if Jenny was worried about her, then Crystal really must look like shit right now. Still, she nods and then takes another large bite of her sundae.

“Yeah. I’m the one who broke up with Charles after all,” Crystal says, then sighs again. “They really are made for each other aren't they?”

“Yeah,” Hob agrees, before sliding a glass of water in front of her. “They are.”

Crystal rolls her eyes, but sips at the water anyways. Hob had given her a little umbrella with her cup, it would be a crime not to drink it.

-------------------------

Funny enough, it's Edwin that corners her first the day after witnessing the awkward kiss.

“Charles is researching something,” Edwin tells her, which Crystal knows is Edwin speak for ‘I kicked him out so we could talk alone.’

“We don't need to talk about it, Edwin,” Crystal sighs, rubbing her forehead. Even with Hob practically forcing water on her yesterday, she still had a headache, and it was way too early in the morning to be having a feelings discussion. “It's fine. Really. We're cool. It's not like it wasn't obvious how you two felt about each other from the start,” she adds, trying not to sound bitter about the whole ordeal.

“I assure you, nothing was obvious to either me, or Charles,” Edwin says. “And…well. It was still rather impolite to—how did you say it—‘make a move’ on your ex?”

Crystal snorts. “Technically, Charles made the move, not you,” she replies, recalling how Charles had just gravitated towards Edwin like he always had. Edwin simply hadn’t protested when it finally happened.

“Semantics,” Edwin says, waving a hand. “But Crystal,” he says, looking at her very seriously now. “I do not wish there to be any bad blood between us. You are—our friend.”

Crystal brightens immediately. “You just called me your friend,” she teases, then laughs when Edwin blushes straight to his ears and coughs.

“ Our friend,” Edwin insists.

“Semantics,” Crystal says, parroting Edwin’s earlier remark, much to his chagrin. “You’re never getting rid of me now,” she adds, right before hugging him. Edwin hugs her back this time, even if it takes a few moments for him to lift his arms.

“I really am happy for you,” Crystal admits when they finally pull apart.

“Thank you,” Edwin replies, giving her one of his few genuine smiles. He looks so happy that Crystal can’t help but grin at him too.

“You owe me like, five thousand favors for helping you two figure your shit out, though,” Crystal says, then laughs when Edwin gives her a withering look.

“We would've figured it out on our own eventually,” Edwin protests.

“In the 21st century?” Crystal snorts. “Unlikely.”

#dead boy detectives #dbda #the sandman #dreamling #painland #payneland #seiya writes dreamling #seiya writes dbda #totally forgot it was painland week so I'm posting a new chapter of this instead lmao #we're so close to the end!

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seiya-starsniper · 3 months

Text

Six Degrees of Separation - Ch 3 (Sandman x Dead Boy Detectives)

Tags: POV Multiple, Hob Gadling gives live advice to a bunch of teenagers, while helping them solve cases, that's it that's the fic, also he maybe plays matchmaker for his hot mess bestie

Summary:

Tumblr Posts: Chapter 1 || Chapter 2

Read Chapter 3 below, or at the above link on AO3

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Crystal thinks she's being clever by hiding in a corner of the pub away from where most of the staff can see, but somehow, Hob finds her anyway and places a steaming hot mug of tea down on the table in front of her.

“On the house,” he tells her, and Crystal frowns.

“I can pay,” Crystal tries to insist, reaching for her bag to pull out her wallet. Hob shakes his head and shoos away the attempt, and Crystal doesn’t have it in her to fight too hard. Not today anyways.

“Next time then,” he tells her with an easy smile. “If I’m being honest, you look like you could use a pick-me-up right now anyways.”

She really could. Crystal imagines she looks like shit. Her eyes are bloodshot from crying, and her nose feels stuffy from all the times she’s blown it in the past hour. She hasn’t even bothered trying to hide the pile of used napkins on the table.

“You did say Tuesdays were slow,” Crystal manages to croak out, trying to keep her voice even as she takes the tea in front of her into shaking hands.

“I did,” Hob agrees, and then he sits down in the chair opposite her and starts taking out what looks like a pile of homework from his canvas bag. “I actually have some papers to grade, if you want some company. I’m happy to listen if you want to talk about it. Or we can just sit here in silence, if you’d like.”

She does want to talk about it, but the problem is, Crystal doesn’t know where to start. Doesn’t know how to tell Hob, who is both a complete stranger and not a stranger at the same time, that her life is both the best and worst it’s ever been in a very long time. She doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s Niko’s birthday today, and that the giant shopping bag next to her on top of the table is full of dozens of manga volumes she’ll never read, but felt the need to buy because, well because .

But, true to his word, Hob doesn't press her for more conversation, instead focusing immediately on the pile of paperwork he'd stacked. Crystal watches him smile when a student gets the answer right, and frown when they get an answer wrong. Every once in a while, his face takes on a bewildered expression, and Crystal wonders just how terribly bad the answer he’s looking at is.

Crystal wonders if Niko would have been in school now if she hadn't died. She seemed happy to simply solve cases with Crystal and the boys once they’d gotten the parasite out of her, but how long would that have lasted? Did Niko want to go to university? Would she have come to London if Crystal asked her to?

“I walked by a bookshop the other day,” Crystal finally offers, unable to keep the raging storm of emotion to herself any longer. Hob looks up from his paper and puts his pen down. She has his full attention now.

“They had a new volume of a manga out on display,” Crystal continues, glancing over at the shopping bag from that exact same store. “I thought, ‘Oh I should tell Niko, she'll be so excited there’s a new volume out!’ But then I remembered Niko’s not here. Niko's not here because she died trying to save me.”

“Ah,” Hob sighs sympathetically. “You're feeling guilty you're alive and she's not.”

It shouldn’t hurt so much to hear it spoken out loud, but Crystal's tears begin anew. She drops her gaze down to the steaming mug of hot tea and blinks them away as best she can, knowing that the hitch in her breathing gives her away anyways.

“Survivor's guilt is a bitch,” Crystal says, and just like that, the dam of emotions she’d been holding back finally breaks. “I didn't even get to say goodbye ,” she practically wails into her mug. “We get to say goodbye to all these other strangers, to watch them go into their afterlife and I didn't even get to say goodbye to Niko. I hate it.”

It feels good, to finally get it out there in the open. To put words to her heartache, to the giant, endless maw of raw emotion and guilt. Crystal had tried to vocalize how she’d felt to Charles and Edwin, but they were too used to death, to people moving on. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, but they didn’t know what felt like to be left behind, not really. Not when it was all but guaranteed that they’d always have each other.

“Life's unfair like that, sometimes,” Hob tells her, and the tone of his voice tells Crystal that the immortal is full of unsaid goodbyes himself. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance, truly.”

“You would've liked her,” Crystal replies, wanting to move away from the subject before she has another breakdown. The staff at the bookshop had definitely thought she’d gone through a bad breakup when she was paying for everything. Crystal looks back up at Hob and gives him a wry smile. “Probably way more than you liked me. She wouldn't have tried to burn the place down.”

Hob snorts. “I like you just fine as you are now, kid,” he says, returning her smile with one of his own. “Just no more arson attempts and we're good, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Crystal agrees. “Can’t guarantee a different ghost won’t try though.”

“They’re welcome to try,” Hob says, then gestures around the room. “But you’ve seen my wards. Been building them up here for almost twenty years now, not much is getting in or out of here without my permission.”

“How did you end up owning this place anyways?” Crystal asks, curiosity now burning a hole in her. “Charles and Edwin said the other night that when they first met you and were a traveling merchant or something.”

“Ah,” Hob replies, and his expression turns soft and fond. “I have this…friend, and we used to meet once a century at the old White Horse tavern down the road. For drinks. When they shut the place down, I bought this place, so we could still have someone where to go.”

Crystal narrows her eyes at the way Hob says friend and drinks .

“Is that a euphemism?” Crystal asks, and Hob chokes on his tea. “You know it’s 2024 right?” she continues. “Being gay isn’t ille—oh god, ” she cuts herself off, realization dawning upon her. “Are you in a centuries-long situationship? ”

Hob goes into a full-on coughing fit now, but still manages to vigorously shake his head at the accusation.

“No I—cough—we’re just—cough—friends!” he insists, but Crystal isn’t convinced.

“What do you even talk about?” she presses. “And who the hell only meets once a century for just drinks? ” she adds, putting the words in air quotes.

“It’s complicated,” Hob replies, seeming to finally get his breathing under control. “Mostly just this and that,” the man adds, waving his hands around to emphasize the vagueness of their meetings. “You know, current events.”

“Current. Events.” Crystal repeats incredulously. Right. Yeah. Definitely a situationship. “Sure. Whatever you say.”

“You know what, next time he comes in, I’ll introduce you,” Hob huffs indignantly. His face is bright red too, and Crystal just knows that isn’t all from the loss of air to his windpipe just moments ago. “And then you can see we are just friends .”

He looks so serious, so intent on proving Crystal wrong, while still so desperately pining , that she can’t help but burst into laughter. It feels like a cord unwinds in her chest when she does, loosening a pressure she’d forgotten was there.

“Yeah okay, sure, I’d love to meet you ‘friend’,” she replies, putting the word friend in air quotes. “But for like, actual drinks, and not ‘drinks’”, she adds with an exaggerated wink. Hob grumbles something about ‘kids these days’ which makes her laugh even more.

----------------------------------

When Crystal leaves The New Inn hours later, her heart and belly both full, she curls up with her gigantic pile of manga and reads while waiting for Edwin and Charles to get back from their latest case. Since their investigation took them to a condemned building that was quite literally falling apart and structurally unsound, Crystal had been ordered to stay home, and wait for Charles and Edwin to bring the evidence back to her.

When they do eventually make their way back, it’s with Jenny in tow, and she’s holding a giant cake box in her arms. Crystal smiles through the mist in her eyes, when she opens the box and sees ‘Happy Birthday Niko’ in bright red letters.

“You remembered too, huh?” Crystal hiccups.

“Stop it, I don’t want to cry too,” Jenny replies, her voice also wavering. Her hands are shaking when she places the cake box down on the table. It’s way too much cake for two people to eat, since Edwin and Charles don’t partake, and Crystal thinks she’s going to be eating leftover cake for the next week at least. Jenny handles the cutting of the cake, and when the two of them each have a slice in hand, Edwin clears his throat, directing their attention to him.

“Right then. A celebration of Niko is not complete without Scooby-Doo,” he declares, and though his tone is light and teasing, Crystal can hear the emotional weight behind it too.

“Right,” Crystal agrees, and when Charles wraps his arm around her, she gives up all pretense of not wanting to cry, and sobs openly into his shoulder. “I’ll get the TV set up. Just—give me a minute.”

Crystal falls asleep to the sound of cartoon feet running away from the latest villain of the week, and in the moments just before her mind is claimed by the Dreaming, she swears she catches the scent of poppies and dandelions.

#dead boy detectives #dbda #dead boy detectives fanfic #the sandman #dreamling #payneland #hob gadling #crystal palace #edwin payne #charles rowland #seiya writes #seiya writes dreamling #seiya writes dbda

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