#jen way way WAY overshares

[a1taraxia]

The Maladroit Manifesto

“All forms of madness, bizarre habits, awkwardness in society, general clumsiness, are justified in the person who creates good art.” – Roman Payne

The world is full of beautiful, graceful people. People who are not only attractive, but are also well kempt, elegantly spoken, intelligent, confident. These people, the people who seem like the baseline for a proper human or the perfect amount of likes on Instagram, are all façades of themselves. Whatever it is about them that makes others think they consist of nothing but positive attributes is merely the shell that holds the awkward and clumsy human inside. Everyone has an idea of perfection when it comes to what heights a human being can reach. Rarely will they find a person on this Earth who meets every point, and never will they find one that reaches those points without some flaw that forces a compromise.

Picasso is a great example of a human who did not produce art for the sake of praise to feed his vanity, but he produced art to invoke emotion. The Old Guitarist is not there to make you swoon, it is there to make you feel uncomfortable and sad and longing for something you have not found yet. In fact, artists often do not make art for other people, but for themselves to cope with emotions they do not fully understand.

Brayan Salinas does an excellent job in I Refuse to Report Bugs to Their Creator of expressing the feeling of dread with not fitting in to the social norm he is exposed to. For a lot of people, myself included, even the individuals who shaped me in to being the person I am today can still make me feel awkward to be around. Even with the people who know me the best, I still find myself questioning if they truly understand my intentions, or if they would even accept me if they did.

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt like the oddball amongst my friends. I have always felt like I never truly learned how to socialize like a “normal” human being. What is a normal human being? How do they know when they are oversharing, or if they are even in a good position to be talking at all?

Hamlet never saw himself as the villain he was. He spent the play narrating about how different he was, how much better he was than those around him. He never had the self-awareness to know that he was the bad guy.

We will all go through periods of change in life. Middle school is an awkward time for everybody, although it is hard to see that in everyone around you when you are living in it. During my teenage years, I felt like I was the only one who was insecure. As I grew older, I realized that everyone dealt with their own struggles of self-image, some were just better at hiding it. As a teenager raised by rednecks in a place where that was not something to be proud of, I was ashamed to let friends come over to my house. I was worried about what they would assume of my personality based on where I came from. I learned how to speak without an accent. I learned that people don’t think airboats are nearly as cool as I do. I exposed myself to every genre of music that people who said “I listen to anything but country” enjoyed. As an adult, I now proudly play Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash while I cook dinner. I sing Harper Valley PTA like my life depends on it. I learned that change does not have to be a complete elimination of myself, but picking and choosing what I want to take with me. Change is learning what I like, being proud of it despite outside judgement, and being open to changing it again if I need to for the sake of my own happiness.

So why does all of this matter? Well, the truth is, it doesn’t. We are all awkward to somebody. We are all someone’s idea of marriage material the same way we are all someone that someone else would dread being stuck in an elevator with. We are all clumsy and imperfect humans. And we have the right to be. We all have the right to be human. With that comes the occasional laugh so hard you shoot milk out of your nose. When I was a young girl, I saw women in their twenties as gods. I saw them as beautiful and confident and sophisticated. Now, as an adult, I realize how naïve I was about what growing up meant. Growing up is not growing into a flawless human. Growing up is becoming a human that embraces their flaws and is patient with themselves and their imperfections. Do not punish yourself for being awkward and clumsy. Let it remind you of how beautiful individuality is.

[novantinuum]

I wasn't clear, sorry. I was thinking about any story in general. But now that you mentioned it, the questions can be applied to those about mental health also, if you're willing to share or if you have any.

kjdsfgj ahhh okay, thank you for being willing to clarify for me! It’s late and I’m tired, please excuse me. XP

Hooo boy, do I have all sorts of half-baked ideas bungling about, though. It’s actually a huge problem, ahah. The moment my brain hits a wall on one fic, I jump to working on another, or create a new one all together, and rinse and repeat until eventually I finish one of them and can post.

Some random concepts or half-written ideas I have:

A fic wherein Greg has to try and figure out how to explain the concept of “being part Gem AND part human” to a toddler for the first time. I figure that- since Steven probably spent a lot of time around the Gems when he was very young, he might’ve for a while assumed that everyone was like him, had a gemstone somewhere on their body, and... hoo, boy. I feel a certain way just trying to contemplate the first time someone sat the boy down and essentially had to tell him that he’s unique and there’s no one else like him in this world. ;w;  That being said, this fic is on hold, because I’m AWFUL at writing children and thus am at a block. You may laugh, but there’s a reason I mostly only write Steven when he’s old enough to be angsty already- it’s easier for my jaded adult mind to wrap around.

A fic wherein Connie discusses nonbinary identity with Steven. (Through Stevonnie, Connie has discovered that being seen as neither man or woman feels... really great?? And Connie wants that.)

A fic wherein through weiRD Gem magic stuff, Steven ends up zapped back into the past, and gets to like... yell at a Very Pregnant Rose. Rose is very confused. Steven gets some great catharsis.

A fic from Lars’s POV wherein (pre-movie) Steven ends up showing up on Lars’ doorstep in the middle of the night and they play video games while having deep conversations.

A fic wherein Lapis reforms after Reunited and is greeted by Peridot, and they have a bit of a debrief/convo about their past hurts together. Lapis formally apologizes for leaving Peridot behind and taking away all of her stuff.

A fic wherein this time it’s SteVEN talking about nonbinary identity because apparently I can’t project enough, this time trying to explain the concept of they/them pronouns to the Diamonds, and trying to Very Kindly ask the three of them to not refer to them as ‘he’ anymore, and dreading this whole conversation because Steven thinks they’ve already asked enough just getting the Diamonds to stop calling them ‘she,’ and, ,,, 

A fic wherein Stevonnie returns from the jungle moon incident, only to be met with a very frantic Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran and Greg and CGs, because they’ve been gone for DAYS and basically, this is just an excuse for Connie’s parents meeting Stevonnie for the first time.

Those are just a few of the many chaotic ideas I have bungling about ufshjfjnsg

There’s a few mental health related fics I have in mind, too. One of them is a WIP I won’t be sharing for a while, for a zine, that I aim to focus on the theme of relapse, and how healing takes time- but how support from loved ones goes a long way to ease that path.

Another one is the mentioned follow-up to Intake I just posted about.

A third is something... I have written personally for myself and won’t ever be sharing in full, because it’s actually rather dark and doesn’t really contain any immediate catharsis. Kept under the cut for what I recognize is potentially triggering content. (TW: self harm)

The third idea is generally (and I wrote this before SUF, for the record.) the concept that- after feeling numb and lost for weeks and weeks, Steven slips into unfortunate habits and starts to use a Gem destabilizer on himself as a means of self-harm. He excuses it by the fact that “it’s not really doing any harm” since he’s half organic and can’t poof, but use that sorta thing for long enough and the current running through it still stings. This then becomes a dangerous stepping stone to worse habits, which he continuously covers up with his healing magic. (Though eventually, even with magic, he still scars.)

This is the sort of thing that... while I’m okay describing in brief here, I don’t feel comfortable posting it in full in public, because it IS something that is overtly 100% vent fic. (I am... honestly both relieved and surprised I’ve never seen the idea anywhere else, though? I would’ve thought this idea would’ve been a shoe-in for a character with healing magic, but what do I know.)

[fruitcoops]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could do another fic involving jules and coops together? Just like sweet moments between the three? I loved the baby sitting series you did and could not stop thinking about it❤️❤️ Thank you!!

Yeah, of course! I love writing my boy at any opportunity. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but the relatives are my ocs!

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Sirius asked under his breath as Remus finally—finally—appeared from the mass of people.

“It’s fine,” Remus said around a forced smile to a middle-aged man across the yard.

Sirius hid his mouth by pretending to look down at the nearest casserole dish. He didn’t even know what was in it; nobody had bothered with labels, and everyone’s dishes were the same basic florals in different colors. “I love you, Re, and I totally get the whole ‘meet the parents’ thing, but this is a bit much if I’m being honest.”

“Honey.” Remus’ shoulder pressed against his own. “I’m sorry you’re not having a good time, but my Aunt Jen would skin me alive if I didn’t bring the man I’m marrying to the family reunion. We can leave tomorrow if you really hate—oh, no.”

“Remus!” a shrill, excited voice called. Sirius felt his fiancé straighten up as a tall, redheaded woman in star-painted jeans hurried across the grass with three other women in tow. She reached up and gave Remus’ cheeks a squish, then leaned in a planted a lipstick-stamped kiss to his forehead. “How are you, my duckling? Was your flight alright? Make sure you stay away from the salt or else your feet will swell.”

“Hi, Aunt Jen,” Remus said, grimacing a little at her rib-crushing hug. “I’m doing well, and our flight was fine. How are you?”

“Peachy keen,” she assured him. Dark brown eyes lasered in on Sirius half a second later and he felt his fight or flight kick in. “And who are you?”

“Aunt Jen, this is—”

“It was rhetorical, honey,” Jen interrupted with a pat to Remus’ arm as she stepped closer to Sirius and immediately hauled him in for a hug. She was as tall as Remus, but broader in the shoulders and hips; he had never felt so engulfed by someone. It was a strangely enjoyable feeling.

“Aren’t you a handsome one?” the shortest of the group cooed, as if she was talking to a particularly small dog in a purse. “Our Remus always knew how to pick them.”

Remus furrowed his brows. “Aunt Lisa, this is the first boyfriend I’ve—”

“But he’s not just a boyfriend!” Jen trilled, giving Sirius’ cheek a pat. “He’s a fiancé, something I learned from your mother. Not from your father—oh, I gave him a talking-to about that—and not from you, duck.”

Sirius bit back a laugh at the nickname and spared a glance to his left, where Remus had gone pink all the way to his ears. “Sorry.”

“Introduce us!” the shortest insisted, taking the other two by the hands as pulling them forward with an eager smile.

“Everyone, this is Sirius Black, my fiancé.” Remus gestured between them, and the four women beamed at him. “Sirius, this is Aunt Jen, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Allison, and Aunt Mary, my dad’s sisters.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” Sirius said, holding a hand out.

“No need to be so formal,” the brunette grumbled with a teasing grin. “We have heard so much about you from Lyall. After those damned pictures—”

“Allison,” Jen hissed.

“—after the damned pictures,” Allison repeated with a pointed look. “I was about ready to drive up to Gryffindor myself and give that lousy son of a bitch a piece of my mind—”

“Allison!”

“—but Lyall talked me down and I have been waiting to meet you ever since.” She finished with a soft huff and gave his arm a quick squeeze. “Remus is a lucky boy to have you. It’s very exciting to see you in person at last.”

Sirius’ heart gave a happy little ka-thump and he smiled. “I’m glad to be here. Thank you for having me.”

“He is so polite,” Lisa said to Remus out of the corner of her mouth with a wink and a thumbs-up. “Good choice.”

“You know what I just realized? We haven’t said hello to Jules yet. We’ll see you in a few, yeah?” Without waiting for an official answer, Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius’ waist and practically carried him away from the table. Once they were out of earshot—and the aunts had busied themselves with one of the younger Lupins—Remus relaxed with a slow exhale. “I am…so sorry.”

“For what?”

“I had no idea they were going to corner you like that. I mean, I did, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be for another few hours. They tend to move in a pack at reunions, like sharks. Or wolves.”

“They’re really sweet.”

“They are,” Remus said grudgingly, though Sirius could read the affection dripping off him like his favorite book. “My dad’s the youngest of five, and I was the first nephew. You can imagine how that went.”

“Baby of the baby?”

“Exactly.”

“Can I ask one thing?” Remus nodded, visibly confused, and Sirius found he couldn’t keep his grin down any longer. “Duckling?”

“I hoped you didn’t hear that,” he groaned as they headed toward the kids’ play area beneath a large oak. “Long story short, it involved five-year-old me, a pond, and a sinus infection that made me sound like a duck when I sneezed.”

“Oh my god,” Sirius laughed, earning himself a light elbow to the ribs. “And the name stuck?”

“Considering she was the one that had to stay with me while my folks were working, she could call me whatever the hell she wanted. Please don’t ask her about it unless you want a thirty-minute TED talk about the ins and outs of my sinuses.”

“She’s a doctor?”

“No, she just overshares.”

“Sirius!”

Sirius looked up and saw a herd of small children racing toward them, led by his favorite person under the age of eighteen; Jules crashed into his legs and squeezed him tight around the waist. “Hey, I missed you!”

Jules propped his chin below Sirius’ sternum and stared up at him with the classic hazel-gold eyes that were far more common than Sirius believed before they arrived in the Lupins’ backyard. “I missed you, too! How’s the team? How’s Harry? Is he still super small or did he do that weird thing that babies do where their legs grow and the rest of them still looks normal? How was your flight? Did you have turbulence?”

Sirius thought for a moment. “Good, also good, growing normally, and yes.”

“Sweet! Come play cornhole with us!” Jules grabbed his hand and dragged him along the grass at the closest thing he could manage to a sprint with Sirius’ added weight—the pre-teen years had lent him gangly legs, though he didn’t seem quite sure how to use them yet. He looked more like a foal than a sixth-grader.

“What the hell is cornhole?” Sirius muttered as the flock of kids ran ahead to grab armfuls of beanbags.

Remus grinned. “Something I’m about to kick your ass at.”

------------------------------------

By the time the sun set, Sirius was exhausted. He had been introduced to dozens of people who looked just enough like Remus to be eerie, as well as plenty who seemed to have been acquired by one Lupin or another over the course of their life. Jules fluctuated between laminating himself to Sirius’ side and disappearing for an hour at a time, only to return more grass-stained and rumpled than ever as he begged Remus to swing him around by the ankles again. His ass had been thoroughly kicked at cornhole and freeze tag; it was a true miracle he hadn’t already passed out into a food coma. For all of his earlier griping, Sirius couldn’t think of a time in recent months when he had been more content.

“You’re a brave soul,” Remus remarked as they sat in the grass together and watched the fireflies wake. Though it was a warm night, it seemed the citronella candles littering the tables were doing their job of chasing off mosquitoes.

Sirius leaned his head on Remus’ shoulder. He smelled like grass and summertime and sunbaked warmth. “Am I?”

“Mhmm. I’m sure most people would have run screaming by now.”

“I like your family.”

A beat of silence passed; Remus rested his temple against the top of Sirius’ head. “I’m really glad to hear that. They’re weird and loud, but I love them.”

“And I love you.”

“Are you saying I’m weird and loud?”

“On occasion.”

“Asshole,” Remus laughed, giving him a nudge that hardly qualified as more than a gentle sway.

“Language, there are eight million kids around.”

“They’re busy.”

Sirius watched as small group run by in a wave of giggles, all clutching mason jars of fireflies with their names written on masking tape. “Thank you again for asking me to come with you.”

“Like I said, Aunt Jen would—”

“Remus.” He fell quiet. Sirius didn’t remember the last time he said Remus’ full name aloud. “Your family loves you so much. They’re everything I ever wanted growing up, and it means the world that you wanted to share them with me. All they want is to see you happy. It was amazing to finally meet them.”

“They really, really love you,” Remus said softly, his voice a little thick. “I had about twenty people tell me how wonderful you are. They all thanked me for bringing you, and not a single one mentioned the celebrity thing. Even my Uncle Jay didn’t say a word about hockey.”

“He was the one in the jersey?”

“I’ve known him for my entire life and I’ve never seen him without one.”

“Huh.” Sirius tucked his face closer to Remus’ neck and let the sound of the bullfrogs in a distant marsh lull him. “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven. The adults will be up for a while, but the kids will start crashing soon.”

Footsteps on the cool grass rustled to their right and Sirius looked up. “Who wants pie?” Aunt Allison singsonged, breaking their quiet bubble with paper plates and utensils. “This one is blackberry, but we have peach, pumpkin, and a few others on the table if you’re still hungry.”

“Just a small piece, please,” Sirius said.

Allison paused and cocked her head, then burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re funny!”

“I am?”

“Don’t fight it,” Remus whispered.

“You are a growing boy,” Allison said as she cut a thick slice and plonked it onto his plate. “And there’s no such thing as too much pie.”

I’m 26, Sirius wanted to say, though he held it in. “Just a small one for me, as well,” Remus said.

“Ha!” Allison snorted. “You’re already too skinny. Eat your pie or you’ll end up a string bean like your father. The NHL might have given you muscle, but it’s useless if you don’t enjoy some of your favorite aunt’s—”

“—woah, hey now—”

“—pie once in a while.” Allison kissed the tops of their heads once both plates were secure and bowing in the middle. “I’m going to make sure the kids aren’t poking around in the river again. Sleep well, you two.”

Sirius stared down at his plate as she wandered away. “I���m honestly going to die if I eat this.”

“Yeah, please don’t make yourself sick on pie. You really don’t have to eat all of that. The aunts and uncles are convinced that none of us are eating properly once we turn eighteen.”

“Really?”

“I wish I was kidding. You’re going to sleep so well tonight, though.”

As if on cue, Sirius stifled a yawn with the back of his hand and cuddled under Remus’ arm again. A familiar shadow bounded over not two seconds later and he barely held down a groan. “Hey, can I join you?”

Remus shrugged. “ ‘course.”

“Sweet.” Jules settled himself across their laps, staring at the sky with his head pillowed on Sirius’ thigh. “Did you have fun? I’m really glad you could come.”

“I had a great time,” Sirius answered honestly. Now please move on so I can take a nap.

“Mom and dad and me got here yesterday, and Aunt Jen kept checking the door for you guys even though she knew you weren’t coming until today. She was worried you wouldn’t like us, I think.”

“That was never an option, Jules.”

“Yeah, I know.” A devilish grin flickered over his face. “Remus is the weirdest of all of us, and if you want to marry him—”

“Get off,” Remus grumbled, shoving Jules’ legs onto the picnic blanket. “You know, you were a lot nicer before you turned eleven. Can I return you and get a new one? I have the receipt somewhere.”

“Nope.”

“That’s all a birth certificate is, right?” Sirius raised his eyebrows. “If you bring it back in good condition, I hear they give you a ten percent discount.”

Jules scowled. “That’s so not true.”

“How do you think I got Regulus?”

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Remus asked with a pointed look. “Run along, problem child.”

“Of the two of us, I’m the least problematic.” Despite his words, Jules clambered to his feet and dusted his hands off over Remus’ head. “I’m not the one that got a secret boyfriend and got engaged in a year. I’m so easy. Mom and dad want two of me.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Remus sighed as he stretched out on the blanket. “They had a second kid because they wanted two of me.”

“You’re adopted.”

Remus cracked one eye open in disbelief. “No, I’m not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because—y’know what, go to bed. Or go find the stampede, I think they’re by the river.”

Sirius whistled lowly as Jules scampered off again. “That was impressive. Isn’t your aunt over there?”

“Yep.”

Realization clicked into place. “She’s going to make him go to bed.”

“Yep.”

“You’re brilliant.”

Remus smiled without opening his eyes, and tugged Sirius down by the sleeve to lay next to him. “You’re just figuring that out now?”

The stars were brighter than anywhere Sirius had ever seen; for a moment, he was struck speechless by the endless rivers of sparkling white overhead. He stared until his eyes burned from dryness, then put his head on Remus’ chest and kept on looking. There was no way he could tear his gaze from it. A few shooting stars streaked across the clear sky and he felt his heart skip a beat in pure amazement when he realized there was nothing else he would wish for in that moment. He could listen to Remus’ heartbeat and the sound of his new family talking against a backdrop of the night, relishing in a full belly and cool wind, and simply stay there for as long as he liked.

[thebibliomancer]

Tides of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 20

Tides of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because dang the All-Maudra died. Gotta see what happens next.

Last times on book: Amri and co are on a quest to unite all the Gelfling clans against the Skeksis. They’ve managed with the Sifa by convincing Maudra Ethri to look at some cool flames. They’ve managed with the Dousan by restoring a cool, giant tree. But now they’ve received word that that the All-Maudra has died.

Chapter 20

Team Naia travels to Ha’rar... no, that can’t be right.

Amri felt like he must have misheard. Erimon passed the parchment to Kylan, who read it again. Amri didn’t need to read it. He didn’t want to. It wouldn’t explain how or why or who had done it. Just that it had happened. He reached up to see if Tavra was still on his shoulder. She was where she’d been since they’d leaped into the lake, but she said nothing.

Oof. I hadn’t thought of that but poor Tavra.

Her mom died and she never got a chance to go ‘yo i’m alive but a spider but and also you can’t stop me from dating Onica now because we can’t have lesbian babies like this.’

Amri wonders if the All-Maudra was killed by the Skeksis because she vowed to resist the Skeksis but that sets Kylan off. Also, Kylan shows he’s upset by crossing his arms and twisting his ears back. Like a cat?

But Kylan points out that All-Maudra Mayrin said she was lighting the fire of resistance but nothing happened like what happened with the Sifa and the Dousan where actual rainbow flames burned the story of uniting the Gelfling into something nearby.

“You think she didn’t light the fire after all?” Naia asked.

“Maybe she thought she had,” Onica said solemnly. “Maybe she died trying.”

They had no proof except the feeling in their hearts. Amri didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t deny it either: The Vapra fire had never been lit.

But if the fires HADN’T been lit for the Vapra and the All-Maudra was no longer leading them with some lip service about resisting. Then it means there was only one path for Team Naia to take in the seven chapters still left in this book.

They were going to Ha’rar after all.

MY GOD.

I never thought this day would come.

I mean, something is going to sidetrack them, right??

Because the side characters are making sure that nothing gets in their way.

Erimon lends them his Crystal Skimmer Tappa because she’s the fastest in his xeric and even asks Periss to drive it.

Ha, I knew Periss was joining the party.

Erimon has to stay and help organize the resistance with the other sandmasters once they arrive since Maudra Seethi is on her way to Ha’rar.

WHERE I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TEAM IS ACTUALLY GOING. Its been nearly three books of not going to Ha’rar! J.M. Lee, you’re blowing my mind!

“Now that the storm has broken, the xerics will continue to arrive. I will tell them the song of what has happened here. And when the time comes, we will heed the signal of the flames. We will join the fight against the Skeksis.”

“We still don’t know what that signal will be,” Naia said.

Erimon bowed. “We can never fully predict what form a sign will take. We only know it when we see it, or hear it, or sense it some other way. But I have faith in Thra, and in you. I will se to it the Dousan do not forsake the gifts we have been given. Not as we have in the past, nor ever again.”

You’ve really learned a thing, Erimon.

Erimon says that he thinks Periss can get them to Ha’rar in a day and so and apparently without a storm and without all the supplies, Tappa nyooms.

On the Skimmer trip, the team continues to discuss the All-Maudra’s death. Tavra finally pipes up to suggest that Mayrin failed to light the fires of resistance because the Skeksis found her out. But that there’s no point in speculating.

Because she’s finally getting what she’s wanted all along, to go to Ha’rar but in the way she’d least want it.

Be careful what you wish for?

“We must go to Ha’rar and reach someone who can tell us what happened. No more Far-Dreams or riddles from Thra. I want answers.”

“How are you taking this?” Amri asked. Tried to keep it soft, to let her know he was asking her feelings and not her political opinion. She was hesitant in answering.

“I am worried for my sisters. I am worried for my people.”

Amri tells her that Seladon will take care of Brea to reassure her and if Seladon’s arc is similar to the show then, -laughs in irony-.

Tavra was quiet a long time, unmoving. She curled one leg in.

“I don’t know that she will,” she said. “that is my greatest fear. My mother put her duties first and her daughters second. It was difficult to find ways to earn her love. Because of our station. But we tried. For me, that meant becoming a soldier. For Brea, becoming a scholar. For Seladon, it meant becoming All-Maudra one day... but the pressure was often too much. She is not ready, and I fear the Skeksis know that.”

“You should be All-Maudra,” Naia said suddenly.

Hah. Naia doesn’t even know Seladon and she’s like ‘wow she probably sucks and you’d be better.’ Poor Seladon.

The idea brought a strange fantasy to life. Tavra, in her Gelfing body. Sword in hand, drapedi n the silver cloaks with the living crown on her brow. She had traveled farther than any of them, knew more of the state of the world. Knew the Skeksis all by name, knew how the All-Maudra was expected to behave. Had the respect of her clan as a Vapra princess, but knew firsthand the hardships that had befallen the Gelfling who were so unlucky to find themselves in the Skeksis’ crushing grasp.

If there was ever a leader the Gelfling could look to, Amri realized, it was Tavra. Tavra, who was locked in the body of a spider, whose voice could barely be heard even by those who knew enough to listen.

“That is impossible,” Tavra said. She slipped below the rail and disappeared into Kylan’s traveling pack.

Relatable.

As evening falls they get closer to the snowlands and Periss tells them he’ll have to leave them at the frost line because Tappa is a DESERT CREATURE.

Nooooo Periss, you’re supposed to be the sixth ranger! You can’t leave your new best pals!

He also calls Naia Amri’s girlfriend and he does do the “she’s not my girlfriend” thing but less vehement and more embarrassed.

“Have you dreamfasted together?”

Amri’s ears went flat at the forward question. Of course he’d dreamfasted with Naia, but only to share memories that they’d needed to share, so the truth of the Skeksis and the message they carried would not be forgotten. But there were other memories, ones more secret and intimate. Private hopes and fears. Memories he had all to himself, beautiful things he’d seen when he’d been alone. Dreams he’d had, and nightmares.

Amri had always hoped one day to find someone to share those memories with. Someone he trusted enough and who trusted him to truly dreamfast. To share everything. It had never occurred to him that someone might be Naia. Until now, and only thanks to a wily Dousan thief. Periss grinned ear to ear, as if making Amri blush from embarrassment was his new favorite game.

“No. Not that way,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to?” Periss asked.

“I want to change the subject.”

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Excuse me I need to take a moment.

a moment

You’re adorable, Amri.

Also, based on this, Jen and Kira basically got engaged the first time they met. Just went full info dump on each other. ‘HEY I GUESS THATS ME AS A BABY’ because they never learned to not overshare in dreamfasting and because nobody ever taught Jen about sex.

Also also, this fits well with what we learn in the first book about how its a sign of maturity for Gelfchildren to learn how to not broadcast their entire lifestory the instant someone touches them.

I continue to love the nuances we get about dreamfasting.

After sleeping and starting another day of travel, Amri spends some time practicing sword because he’s changed his tune on that.

Amri practiced his sword stances, parries and thrusts. Imagined striking down Skeksis after Skeksis as he charged into a citadel swarming with darkened beasts. It felt heroic in his mind, that part -- the charge, the thought that he could single-handedly defeat the monsters that might have taken the shining city -- but in the end, even in his fantasies, when they finally reached the throne, the All-Maudra was already dead.

Aw.

Although the first part of this wild fantasy sounds like Amri should have been scenario writing for the Age of Resistance trpg.

But its more about his understanding that even if he becomes a cool, heroic swashbuckling figure with like two whole days of sword practice under his belt and even if they win, that victory will always carry with it the tragedies the Skeksis inflicted on the way. Mira, Mayrin, other Gelfing whose names don’t start with M’s.

They reach the frost line and dangit Periss actually leaves! Just because you’re the sixth ranger you think you can come and go to save the budget??

Although, in a nice bit of growth, he gives the team all the jewelry he stole from the Sifa. Nice, they can give Tae her stuff back if they see her.

Going the rest of the way on foot, Team Naia actually reaches Ha’rar. I’m frankly shocked.

Like the crystals in a broken geode, the city of Ha’rar glittered in the protective shell of the mountains, covered in snow and glowing with moon- and starlight. At the far edge of the city, a majestic building stood with its back to the wide Silver Sea. It looked like an icicle, or one of the many crystal stalagmites in Domrak and the Caves of Grot. Every elaborately sculpted feature refracted the light of the moons and the Waystar, sending night rainbows across the city.

It was beautiful, but eerily silent and ominously dark.

Hmmmm.

None of the lanterns are lit and none of the people are out and about on the streets. Spooky.

Tavra tells them that they absolutely must not be caught by the Skeksis. And then with her hometown knowledge guides them along back paths and side roads.

They have to duck out of view at one point when two Skeksis come down the street.

Skeksis. Two of them, passing by on the street just in front of them. One wore broad-shouldered, black-scaled armor, covering his spiny back like the carapace of an armalig. Gray hair -- or was it fur? grew across his blunt forehead and cheeks, casting a hazy shadow upon his scowling lips and piercing yellow eyes. The other stood straighter in his crimson and black robes, armored and adorned in shining gold chains. He seemed taller yet, thanks to the fleshy spike that protruded from the top of his head like a horn.

“skekUng and skekZok,” Tavra whispered. “The General and the Ritual Master.”

I wonder if skekVar exists in this continuity.

skekUng is the General so Var doesn’t have a lot to be doing.

Also, FLESHY SPIKE? ZOK ARE YOU OKAY?

-google image-

He does have a gold hat thing but in one of the comics he just has a tall head spike so I DUNNO. I’m a little alarmed of him now.

Anyway, skekUng being here is bad because they all remember skekLi gloating that skekUng was making something bad.

Being possessed of ‘only the most relevant conversational snippets’ senses, skekUng complains “This is a waste of time. I say we kill the princess as we killed her mother and let the Vapra bow directly to us. As they should.”

Which confirms that the Skeksis killed the All-Maudra.

AND THEN before they can process that, Amri is grabbed by a hooded Gelfling.

“He’s possessed by a spider,” hissed a female voice, familiar in Amri’s ear. “On his shoulder -- quick, grab it and crush it!”

Onica stops the hooded Gelfling, who turns out to be Tae. Hi Tae!

Tae isn’t convinced because apparently the body-jacking spiders are a known and concerning concern at this point.

Amri tells Tavra that its time to reveal herself to Tae.

Tavra let out a tired sigh.

“Tae, it’s me. Katavra.”

Love that tired sigh. Spiders can’t even sigh. That’s just how tired Tavra is.

Tae wants to know HOW and possibly several repeated incredulous WHATs but Amri points out that its not a great idea to get into that in the middle of a sneaking mission. So Tae leads them off somewhere they can talk.

Geez only six chapters left. And we’ve got Ha’rar, a dead All-Maudra, Tae’s back. Periss took off... dangit did Periss take off because of a party limit? Tae is now the sixth party member?

[pepethehobbit]

Wish you were here - Notting Hill AU

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 is here, I hope you enjoy! Also on AO3.

Jens hasn’t told Sander who came into the shop yesterday. It sounded too surreal, even to himself. He still needs to process this because it does not happen everyday that your celebrity crush just so happens to walk into your own niche record shop. Another reason for not telling him was that he kind of wanted to keep this memory and Lucas for himself, as ridiculous as it sounds. Because nothing really happened but at the same time Jens can’t shake the feeling that they had a moment. Also, their laughter felt so easy and Jens still has to smile at what Lucas wrote for the ridiculous guy from yesterday.

It’s currently half past ten in the morning and Jens is on his way to open up the shop, but not before stopping at his favorite coffee shop for a tall caramel macchiato. He has a sweet tooth and his daily coffee with too much syrup is something that he is not willing to give up. Leaving the coffee shop with his overload of sugar in one hand he scrambles for his keys to his shop with the other. While he walks he looks down on himself confused because he can’t find the keys in his pocket. Next thing he knows he collides with someone wearing a pink sweater, his coffee is on the floor and all over the other person’s clothes. His first reaction is annoyance, because honestly… his coffee. He hadn’t even had the chance to take one sip of it. The second one is guilt because he probably just ruined this person’s day and the third one is shock once he finally looks up to see who he spilled his coffee on.

Lucas van der Heijden looks down at his coffee stained sweater and then flicks his gaze up at Jens, annoyed at first but then hesitantly smiling. Now Jens is even more in shock, because who smiles at the person who just spilled hot coffee on them, like he is happy to see him. Still, it’s enough for him to finally say something.

“Fuck, sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any tissues, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jens. I feel bad though, what about your coffee?”

Everything seems to freeze inside of Jens’ mind. Lucas van der Heijden remembered his name. My name. He knows my name. Jens is in no state to answer Lucas’ question right now, still too baffled that he remembered his name from their short conversation yesterday. He is only capable of looking at Lucas with something closely resembling awe and utter disbelief.

Lucas raises one brow and looks kind of amused. “Jens?”

He snaps out of it and finally stutters his answer. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. It was my fault. Didn’t look where I was going. Look, I feel really bad about your sweater. I live like three doors away, you can clean up and I’ll give you one of my sweaters.” As soon as he says it, he notices how weird that sounds. You can’t just run into mega celebrities and then invite them to your home, Jens what are you doing?

“I mean, you don’t have to of course. It was just a friendly offer, I swear, no ulterior motive. I mean you can’t possibly run around the whole day looking like this.” Jens realizes that this sounds even worse and did he just also kind of insulted Lucas? Honestly, where is his chill when he needs it the most. Apparently it’s flying out of the window when faced with his celebrity crush two days in a row. Before he can try and embarrass himself even further, Lucas saves him with an answer.

“Yeah, that would be nice. Three doors away, you said?”

“Yes! You see this blue door next to the tattoo shop? That’s me.” Jens puts his hands back into the front pockets of his jeans and nervously awaits Lucas’ answer. Lucas looks at him considering and then looks like he made a final decision. “Okay, lead the ways then,” he says with a smile. Quietly, Jens lets out the breath he had not realized he was holding and turns back to walk the fifty meters to his apartment.

The walk is silent and slightly unnerving. Jens is hyper aware of the fact that he is leading Lucas van der Heijden to his apartment and at the same time he can’t believe that this is really happening. It’s like he woke up in a parallel universe where he just randomly meets beautiful actors and they are fine with being invited into his home.

Standing in front of the door, he searches his keys again and finds them in the inner pocket of his jacket. He unlocks the door and turns around to make sure Lucas is actually still here. The door swings open and Jens steps aside to let Lucas enter first. Which is the exact moment he remembers that he doesn’t live alone because he hears his roommate’s voice loud and clear.

“Back so soon, Jens? Is the continuous stream of customers getting too much for you? You needed a break from all the work?” Jens is used to teasing remarks like that from Milan. They had the conversation often enough, the question why Jens keeps the shop when it only really costs him more money than it makes and when he doesn’t really need it anyway because he has a different job that gets him quite enough money. Today, Jens is only capable of rolling his eyes and ignoring Milan’s sarcasm, hopefully he will stay in his room then.

“Who is that?” Lucas asks him with a curious gaze after Jens has closed the door and ushered Lucas down the entrance hall which leads directly into the kitchen. Through there you can see the living room from where stairs lead up to Jens and Milan’s rooms with a bathroom they have to share.

“Oh, that is my very annoying roommate, Milan, he likes to make fun of my misery and is probably one of my best friends.”

Lucas looks relieved with that piece of information, but Jens is pretty sure he misinterprets that look.

“Oh okay, I thought that was your boyfriend or something.”

“What? No. Eww.” Jens realizes that this response could be interpreted as all kinds of wrong when he looks back to see the disappointed and almost angry expression on Lucas’ face. He is quick to add: “I mean, as I said. He is one of my best friends. It would be like kissing my brother, which is just… eww. Milan is actually one of the persons who helped me to accept that I’m bi when I was sixteen.”

He feels like this was maybe a bit oversharing but the last thing he wants Lucas to think is that Jens is homophobic. Also, he kinda wants him to know that Jens is a possibility even though he knows that this is a complete stupid thought, because never in a million years does Jens have a shot with someone as gorgeous as Lucas.

Lucas’ expression morphed into a one of relief and if Jens is daring to hope he thinks he saw a small smile spread across his face when he said that he was bi.

“How long have you been living together?” Lucas asks instead of acknowledging any of what Jens just said. Maybe that is better. Small talk is much less dangerous than talking about sexuality as their first real topic of conversation.

With a nod of his head he motions Lucas to follow him into the living room while he answers the question.

“Over a year now, more or less. Milan broke up with his boyfriend who moved out kind of immediately. Back then I was already living with Robbe and Sander for a month or so and when Milan offered me the other room I accepted instantly, because I couldn’t take being a third wheel anymore. Also it’s ridiculously close to my shop so that was convenient as well.”

Lucas looks only slightly more confused. Before he can ask the question that clearly lies on his tongue Jens remembers the reason why they are here when he looks down and seed the coffee stain on Lucas’ sweater.

“Oh shit. I should let you get cleaned up. You’re probably very busy. I’ll get a sweatshirt for you. Follow me, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”

Lucas looks like he is actually about to protest but then looks down at himself, nods and begins to follow Jens upstairs. Once upstairs, Jens turns around again to tell Lucas to wait in the hall while he quickly grabs the clothes. He returns with a very basic gray hoodie and is glad that he had done the washing just two days ago.

“The bathroom is right there. I’ll wait downstairs.”

Lucas thanks him with a soft voice, enters the bathroom and Jens makes his way downstairs. Milan seems to have left his room even though Jens had ignored him and sits down next to Jens on the couch with a curious expression. “Who were you talking to?” Jens considers lying but as soon as Lucas leaves the bathroom and joins them in the living room Milan will know anyway.

“Okay. This is gonna sound crazy but I ran into Lucas van der Heijden with my coffee and I offered him one of my sweaters and that he could clean up here. He also came into my shop yesterday and bought a Pink Floyd record. When he comes down again please behave as natural as possible, I beg you. I already embarrassed myself enough for one day.”

Milan just stares. He doesn’t look like he believes Jens and who can blame him. Jens heard himself talk. Hell, he lived through it and still can’t really believe it.

“Okay… Are you seriously telling me that your Man Crush Monday and award winning actor Lucas van der Heijden is currently in our bathroom, probably shirtless?”

Jens tries hard not to blush at that but fails miserably considering the face Milan makes at him now. “Yes, I’m seriously telling you this. So before you can say anything that can embarrass me even further can you promise to behave, please?”

Milan rolls his eyes in an exaggerated manner but holds up his pinkie to Jens and says: “Pinkie promise.” Jens tangles their little fingers together for a second before letting his hand fall back to his side.

Just then Lucas descends the steps and their heads turn around simultaneously. Jens breath catches when he sees Lucas in his own hoodie. He looks really comfortable and so so soft and somehow just completely right, as if Lucas was meant to wear Jens’ clothes. Lucas meets Jens' gaze and nervously tucks his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, Jens’ hoodie. Jens is kind of overwhelmed right now until Milan tries to subtly clear his throat, which snaps Jens out of his open admiration for Lucas.

He stands up and walks over to Lucas’ side and says: “Uh yeah. Lucas. Meet my roommate, Milan. Milan, meet Lucas.” Milan gets up as well, stands in front of Lucas, stretches his hand out and seems to remain calm, keeping to his promise. Lucas takes the offered hand while Milan says: “A pleasure to meet you, Lucas. I hear you were victim to Jens spilling his coffee all over you. He usually isn’t such a klutz, maybe it was fate bringing you two together.”

Right. So much for keeping his promise. Jens groans in frustration and lets out an exasperated “Milaaaan!” But before he can say anything else he can hear Lucas laugh in response and he winks, he freaking winks at Jens and says: “Yeah, maybe it was.” Jens is speechless again. Lucas seems to have a talent of doing that. The only thing he is capable of is to continue looking at him with wonder and disbelief.

“Well, I believe my work here is done. If you could excuse me. It was great to meet you Lucas,” Milan says before he climbs the stairs to his room again. And just like that they are alone again. Jens doesn’t know what to say, it’s not like he has experience with his celebrity crushes flirting with him, so he says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Can I offer you anything? Coffee, water, weed?” Jens cringes at the last word. Why is he so awkward today, but Lucas simply looks at him a bit baffled and lets out a small laugh.

“Well, weed is certainly tempting, Jens. But you were right, I kinda am pretty busy. I have to go now, maybe next time, yeah?” Lucas sounds genuinely disappointed but maybe that is just Jens’ wishful thinking. He also can’t help how his heart fluttered at the words next time.

“I’ll bring you to the door.”

Jens wants to say something before he opens the door for Lucas and for him to leave his life again but he can’t think of anything that would sound even remotely acceptable. With a “normal” person he my have asked for their number or asked if they could see each other again. But Lucas wasn’t a regular person. He was an internationally known actor, unbelievably beautiful and so out of Jens’ league. And even though it seemed like Lucas had flirted with him it was hard not to feel intimidated by these facts alone.

“Sorry for the weed. That was weird. I’m usually more chill.” Out of all the possibilities this is what he finally utters. Jens wants to kick himself for the hundredth time today but Lucas just huffs out another laugh and steps closer to Jens.

“Yeah, it was a little weird.” His voice sounds so soft, he takes another step towards Jens and leans in as if to kiss him. Jens sucks in a breath while Lucas raises his hand and places it softly on Jens’ face. He looks up at him under his lashes and only then does Jens notice the slight height difference. With his heart nearly jumping out of his chest he notices how Lucas gets up on his tiptoes and presses a light kiss on the corner of Jens’ mouth, as if he wanted to go for the cheek but just missing slightly.

“Thank you for the hoodie,” Lucas says as he leans away. He opens the door himself and steps out of Jens’ life once again.

Jens doesn’t know how long he stands there behind the closed door of his apartment, it could be minutes but also hours of trying to comprehend if that just really happened. It’s Milan’s voice that pulls him back eventually. “Aren’t you going back to work?”

Fuck. Right. Work. He kinda forgot about everything for a minute. Maybe it’s a prompt decision but he doesn’t think he could concentrate on work today anyway. “I’ll work from home today,” he lies to Milan and pulls out his phone to quickly shoot Sander a message that he doesn’t have to come in today. He feels something weird in his pocket and pulls that out as well. It’s a piece of toilet paper with something written on it.

Sorry for the toilet paper. That is weird, I know, but I don’t have any actual paper to write this note to you. If you want, meet me tomorrow at the Hotel De Witte Lelie at 16.00 and I’ll give you your sweater back. Say you are here to meet Flynn Rider. I hope you come, sincerely, Lucas

He doesn’t even notice Milan coming up behind him until he squeals directly into his ear. “I knew it!!! I saw the way he was looking at you. He is totally gone on you already, I could see it!!!”

Jens scoffs but it’s more out of habit than out of disbelief. Because somewhere in his mind he wants to believe it. Somewhere he wants to believe that Lucas wants to see him again and not just to give him his sweater back, somewhere he is pretty sure that Lucas had wanted to kiss him properly when he said goodbye, somewhere he wants to believe that Lucas meant it when he said next time.

He carefully folds the toilet paper and walks to his room, ignoring Milan’s protest and questions about if he plans on going. Which is the same question he is asking himself right now but the hope that began to bloom in his chest since he read the note is answer enough for him.

[all-things-skam]

Jens’ season | Chapter one

Tuesday, January 7th

Winter break had quickly gone by and school was already starting again - much to the boys' displeasure. The return to school was tough for some, their sleeping schedules being messed up from staying up late after partying all winter break.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t so cold that morning. Jens and the boys stood outside the building, chatting as they waited for the first bell to go off. Moyo was kinda falling asleep, and Robbe had this huge, bright hickey peeking out of his hoodie.

''Nine times? Don't you think that's a little bit exaggerated?'' Jens said, not quite believing Aaron’s story.

''I'm telling the truth. We fucked all night long. It was... wow. Orgasm over orgasm over orgasm ove-''

''Okay, okay. We get it,'' Robbe interrupted, putting a stop to Aaron's detailed night with Amber.

Aaron scoffed. ''You're just jealous you and Sander have never had a torrid night like us.''

Since getting together with Amber, Aaron didn’t seem to be able to stop talking about her. It was all he talked about now: her - and what they did together in bed. Jens got him. Truly. Losing your virginity is a big moment - more so when your first time was with the girl you've been after all year. However, the boys didn't need - nor want - to hear every little detail of his and Amber's sexual life. The curly haired one had always been an oversharer, but now that he was dating Amber, it was worse - if that was even possible.

Robbe's cheeks flushed, flashing back to his night at the penthouse. If only they knew...

''Girls bodies are different, Robbe.''

''Are they? I didn't notice,'' the brunet responded, light sarcasm out

Moyo laughed. ‘’And you? What’s going on with Jana? You two were quite cozy on Saturday,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows knowingly, because everyone had seen the two making out in a hallway at the party.

Jens shrugged, having not much to tell. ‘’I don't know. We're letting things flow and seeing where it'll go, I guess,’’ he replied, brushing it off. ‘’We don't want to go too fast and make the same mistakes.”

He had kinda got back together - if you could even call it that - with Jana at Robbe's Christmas party, sharing a kiss again for the first time after months of flirting and dipping toes around each other. It took them a long time to want to try again, kiss again, but they were glad to have waited.

Even though breaking up had been hard as hell, it was the right thing to do. Their relationship had become toxic; Jana's guilt and paranoia had to stop. They had reached a state where staying together was only causing pain and although it broke their hearts to come to this conclusion, sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

‘’If you and Jana get back together, we could all go on a triple date. You, me, Robbe, Sander and the girls,’’ Aaron suggested, already looking forward to the non-agreed date.

Robbe shook his head, not on board with this idea. ‘’Sander and I are not going on a date with you and Amber.’’

‘’Jana and I are taking things slow. We’re not going on a date anytime soon,’’ Jens reminded him.

Dates had never been their thing either, being barely fifteen when they started dating - and, like, very broke. The closest to a date they ever had was watching movies on a laptop. The freezing screen and adds for pornographic websites weren’t what you’d call romantic.

Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Sander is practically a part of the Broerrrs now and Jana and Amber are friends, so why not-’’

‘’Because Sander can't stand Amber,’’ Robbe blurted out, having enough of walking on eggshells concerning the two. Sander had made it clear the day they met at Seaside that he didn’t like Amber. He found her too bossy and annoying for his taste.

Between them, Moyo made ‘oooh’ sounds, adding drama to the on-going spat.

Their conversation was drowned and ignored as Jens looked away, eyes falling on a boy with dark blond hair and a denim jacket. Jens didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help looking at him. There was something on this unknown boy that drew his attention and gave him an odd sensation he couldn’t quite explain or understand. What the fuck?

''Who is that?’’

As if on cue, the unnamed teenager looked back at him, giving Jens a good look at his face. He was all angular jaw and tousled, curly fringe.

‘’Some new kid that just moved here from the Netherlands. I think his name is Lucas,’’ Aaron responded, for once being aware of the latest gossips. ‘’Why?’’

Jens shrugged, tearing his eyes from Lucas, turning back to the boys. ‘’Curious. Hadn’t seen him here before.’’

.

Wednesday, January 8th

Hood on, Jens stood outside Lotte's school, waiting for her to get out. His mom had messaged him, asking to pick up his sister after school because she replaced someone at the hospital and couldn't pick her up. Jens didn't mind - and it helped ease his mom's mind. Lotte was only eight, still a bit young to walk by herself.

There was ten minutes left before Lotte would be released, so Jens pulled out his phone, seeing new messages from the Broerrrs group chat.

Moyo: BOYS!! We need to find an idea for the next vlog. We haven't put anything up since the start of exam week…

Robbe: The vlogs... I forgot about those

Moyo: Maybe if you’d stop sucking face with Sander for a minute

Robbe: We’re NOT always kissing…

Aaron: That’s all you two did on break! I even saw Sander wiping his mouth at a party 😏🍆💦

Robbe: WHAT?!

Jens: As if you and Amber were any better

Moyo: So? Anyone has ideas for the vlogs?

Aaron: What about a mukbangs? Can we do mukbangs?

Moyo: No mukbangs

Aaron: Why not? They’re cool to watch

Moyo: Maybe, but it’s fucking expensive, man. Do you have any idea how much food we need to buy to do mukbangs?

Jens: Yeah, you could barely afford McDonalds last friday 😂

Aaron: Fuck you!! Unlike you, I had a Christmas present to buy for my girlfriend

Moyo: We could do a twister? Have you guys seen the painful twister challenge?

Robbe: Painful twister?

Moyo: It’s like twister, but when you fall, you do a ‘painful’ challenge like eating a hot pepper or going in an ice bath or even waxing a leg

Jens: My sister has a twister mat, I’ll bring it

Moyo: We’re doing it?

Jens: Fine with me

Robbe: Same

Aaron: We’re not gonna do too painful things, right? Please no electric shock

Jens: Electric shock it is!

Moyo: Sunday 2pm at mine?

Robbe: Can’t. Sander and I are having lunch with my dad

A bell went off and the gates opened, freeing everyone. Then, a huddle of kids hurried out of the school, accompanied by a hubbub of voices and laughters. They ran toward their busses while others walked on the sidewalk, heading home by themselves.

‘’Jens!’’ a cheery voice called in the distance.

He looked up from his phone and smiled as Lotte ran in his direction, happy smile on her face. Her beanie was pulled down too much, almost covering her eyes. Jens let out an ‘oof’ as his sister collided into him, hugging him by the waist.

The brunette pushed up her beanie so she could see better. ‘’Where’s Mama?’’ Lotte asked with a frown, not seeing her around.

‘’Someone was sick and she had to replace them at the hospital. It’s gonna be just the two of us tonight.’’

Lotte pouted, her sad face tugging at Jens’ heart. ‘’She’s always working.’’

‘’I know... What do you say we watch Frozen 2 tonight?’’ Jens offered, knowing how much his sister wanted to see it since it came out in theaters.

Her eyes brightened and face lifted immediately at the mention of the Frozen sequel. ‘’For real?’’ Jens nodded. ‘’All my friends saw it during Christmas break and I’m the only one who didn’t. I have to plug my ears every time they talk about it because I don’t want to get spoiled. Mom said she’d take me, but never did.’’

Jens chuckled, easily imagining Lotte trying to block the spoilers. ‘’Well, you can tell them all about it tomorrow.’’

‘’Yes! You’re the best brother.’’ She went for a second hug, jumping excitedly.

Most siblings who are on opposite ends of the age scale have trouble getting along. Having this much of an age gap means having very different interests. Teenagers tend to need space and don't like their stuff to be touched while children are always in the mood to play and a bit invasive - or curious.

It wasn't the case for Jens and Lotte. Jens loved being an older brother. He took his role very seriously and fully embraced the protective big brother role.Sure, she was annoying at times, always asking questions about everything - but she was eight years old, what could one expect?

Despite that, Jens loved spending time with her whether it was helping with homework or watching movies in their pajamas during the weekend. Nothing made him happier than seeing a big smile on his Lotte’s face - except maybe knowing he was the one that made it appear.

.

Thursday, January 9th

''Left hand on blue,'' Robbe called, being the first to spin the wheel.

Instead of playing the classic way, they decided to all move for every spin. It was more fair to measure everyone's flexibility and endurance. So far, Aaron was losing sorely, having chosen a farther blue circle than necessary.

Jens snickered, seeing his friend's move. Had he ever played Twister?

''Right hand on red.''

This one was easy, at least when you started the right way. Now, Aaron was already struggling, thanks to Moyo, who purposely picked the red circle closer to Aaron.

''I was going to use that one!''

Moyo shrugged. The two others laughed. ''We never agreed to play fair, did we?''

Robbe spun the spinner, watching as Aaron attempted to slide his hand under Jens's chest to reach the other red circle. ''Left foot on green.''

Jens carefully elongated his leg back, putting the asked foot on a green circle, succeeding. Robbe gave him a thumbs-up, but when he turned back to the boys, Moyo's ass was right in his face. He grimaced. ''No... Move away! Get your ass out of my face, man.''

''I can't. It's Aaron's fault. He messed the whole game up when taking the wrong circle,'' Moyo justified.

Guilty, Aaron laughed. ‘’What, how am I supposed to-’’ He was cut off, losing balance when he moved his leg and ended up falling on top of Jens. ‘’Fuck.’’

Robbe snorted. ''And you said you had gotten more flexible now that you’re having so much sex.''

‘’I am. It’s just- The mat is slippery, okay? It wasn't my fault,'' he tried to defend, but it didn't matter because he had fell anyways. First loser.

“That’s what happens when you don’t take off your socks, man.” Moyo laughed, gesturing to everyone else's bare feet.

Standing from the mat, Jens went to grab the wax strips he bought for the video and held them high for the camera. ‘’Wax time!’’ he and Moyo declared at the same time.

He warmed the wax strips with his hands as Aaron rolled up one of his pant’s leg, revealing a very hairy limb. Jens shared a look with Robbe, looking forward to see their friend suffer. He put the wax strip on Aaron’s leg, smirking. There was no going back, now.

‘’Want me to pull it slowly or one shot?’’

‘’Go slow-’’ He was cut off as Jens didn’t listen and pulled it one shot, making Aaron’s leg throb in pain. ‘’Ow!’’ Aaron curled on himself, holding his - now hairless - leg as if it would lessen the pain. ‘’Holy fuck! Why do girls do that to themselves? That shit hurts.’’

Once Aaron had semi recovered from his waxed leg, Moyo took Robbe’s place and spun the spinner, going for a second round.

‘’Okay, Broerrrs, let’s start.’’ Moyo rubbed his hands together excitedly, watching as the arrow circled around and stopped on a color. ‘’Right foot on yellow.''

Again, Aaron didn’t seem to get the rules of the game and used the yellow in Jens’ part of the mat. ''Aaron, what the fuck? This was my yellow,''

Robbe and Moyo laughed as Aaron removed his foot and chose another one. Someone,please, help this child...

After a couple rounds, their asses were in the air, resembling the downward-facing dog position. While it was semi-comfortable position, the next move wasn't.

''Left hand on green.''

Jens, being taller than the other two, was able to reach the green circle. He grinned as he watched Aaron and Robbe struggling. By some miracle, they reached a green circle as well and the game continued.

The next to fall was Robbe, toppling over and causing everyone to join him on the floor. A hot pepper was presented to him and he had to take a bite. There were tears pooling in Robbe’s eyes at how spicy it was. He was not able to feel his lips for the next two rounds.

Moyo managed to crack his pants in the third round, making a move he probably shouldn't have. Despite the clothing casualty, it was gonna be good laughing content for the vlog.

Then, Robbe accidently put his foot on Jens’s hand and Aaron was caught cheating. He swore he wasn’t aware of the ‘only hands and feet are allowed on the mat’ rule, but the boys decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, not wanting to start an argument.

This was, certainly, a memory to tell.

.

Friday, January 10th

Jens’s bedroom door creaked open, pulling him from his sleep. As he woke up, the echoes of his parents' screaming match became clearer, informing him that his dad was home. It’s been like this since December. Jens’s dad had been working at the same office for over fifteen years and, when his boss felt the company’s sales going downhill, he was one of the unlucky employees who got fucking fired. Fired.

Sighing, Jens rubbed his eyes, prying them open, and saw Lotte's standing figure at the foot of his bed, waiting expectantly. It was dark, but he could see the purple giraffe plushie she was holding to her chest. He glanced at the time on his phone: almost 1am.

Sitting up, Jens scooted closer to the wall and lifted his comforter, making room for Lotte. She quickly crossed the floor and crawled under the covers.

‘’Are mama and papa getting divorced?’’ she asked in a small voice.

Jens’s heart sank at her question. He shifted and wrapped his arms around her, fuzzy pajamas tickling his skin. He didn’t know what to say, what to do - he didn’t even know where she’d learned that word. At her age Jens didn’t know what divorce was, less wonder if it was going to happen to his parents.

“Don’t worry Lotte, everything’s going to be okay.’’ His arms hugged her tighter, hoping it would reassure her a little...hoping he was right. He knew that hearing their parents fight so frequently was affecting her more than him, but he didn’t realise just how much more.

.

His skilled hands were under Jana's top, thumb grazing over her unpadded bralette, making her nipple harden. She arched her back as they kissed, trying to create friction between their bodies.

They had escaped to a free bedroom minutes ago, seeking the intimacy and proximity that they couldn't allow themselves in the middle of the party.

This bed wasn't near as comfortable as Jana's, but it did the job for their mid-party make out session. A better choice than the bathroom, at least. In here, no one would bang on the door and yell about needing to use the toilet.

A moan left Jana's lips as Jens kissed down her neck, her bitten fingernails scratching at Jens's back under his tee shirt - why was it still on? Jens smiled smugly, remembering his ex-girlfriend’s body and its reaction to his touch like they never broke up the year prior. Some things just can’t be forgotten.

The loud music echoed inside the room, Travis Scott’s latest hit playing. It wasn’t really a song to bang to, but they weren’t the ones in charge of the playlist, were they?

Jana hooked her leg around Jens’s waist, fingers grasping the sheets as he kissed his way down her stomach, knowing exactly where this was going. ‘’Jens…’’

.

Readjusting his hoodie, Jens ducked out of the bedroom he was in. His hair was probably still messy from Jana running her fingers through it. He pulled out his phone, texting Moyo to ask where they were, in the mood to smoke a joint. Nothing tasted better than a blunt after a blowjob.

At least, at the moment.

‘’Got lucky tonight?’’

Looking up, Jens recognized the new guy at school. Lucas, was it? He was standing in the hallway, red cup in his left hand, leaning against the wall as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, a smug grin on his lips.

Jens frowned. ‘’Uh?’’

‘’I saw your girl leaving the same room and adjusting her shirt a minute ago. Not that I was stalking you. I was just...there, I guess,’’ he explained, bringing his cup to his lips, taking a slow sip.

‘’Oh, you mean Jana?’’ Jens shook his head, correcting him. ‘’She’s not my girl. Not anymore.’’

Lucas hummed, interested in the new information. ‘’So, you’re the kind of guy who fuck with his ex?’’

The question took Jens by surprise. He blinked. Did he hear him right? Who was this guy to assume things about him?

‘’What? We didn’t-’’

‘’Clearly, something happened in there and, by the look of your lips and messy hair, no talking was involved,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively again before holding his hand out. ‘’I’m Lucas.’’

‘’Jens,’’ he replied, shaking the other boy’s hand.

Before they could carry on with their party small talk, someone hooked their arm around Jens’ shoulder. ‘’There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Robbe disappeared with Sander and Aaron is sucking faces with Amber.’’

“Here I am,” Jens said, laughing at Moyo’s comment about their friends. “Did you get my text?”

Moyo shook his head, a questioning look on his face. ‘’No…’’

“Do you have the weed?”

“Ah, yes.” Moyo replied, pulling a joint out of his pocket and handing it to Jens, who took it gratefully. ‘’Want some?’’ he asked, nodding at Lucas.

‘’Normally I’d say yes, but I actually should be heading home now.’’ Lucas raised his eyebrows, blue eyes on Jens. ‘’See you around, Jens.’’

Moyo was distracted by someone behind them talking and Lucas took the opportunity to wink at Jens, before walking off and leaving the other boy baffled.

What. The. Fuck.

[hereisisa]

Why do you think KB is so obsessed with Kristoff? I mean on the, “The View,” she had the nerve to say that his plot is more important than the girls. I mean this is the Frozen franchise, K is just a supporting char, who if taken out, no one would care except maybe her, KAL, and Jen Lee. Do you think she ever liked the sister relationship? It just baffles me how the voice of A is all about the man. KB seems to be jealous of E too. Sounds like she loves the separation bc she gets to be Queen.

This is a really interesting ask.

First of all….let me say that it’s difficult to separate what an actor thinks, from what an actor is paid to say. They aren’t free to say what they want during promotion, the network or the company gives them some “talking points”, and they have to discuss those.

When an actor refuses to discuss the “talking points” and those ONLY, they get the rep of being “difficult”, it’s happened to an actress I knew from another fandom.

I said this to explain that we can’t know how much Kristen agrees with her talking points.

Second: she has been told to promote KA, for many reasons we discussed before. Maybe because they wanted to promote an anti-toxic masculinity message (it’s an hot topic in the states especially), maybe they promised Groff a bigger storyline that later was cut, so they tried to make his 20 mins look “more important”, or maybe cause they had to justify with words what we didn’t see on screen: a reason for KA to get engaged.

You can tell that she was saying what she was asked to for a reason:everytime a journalist asked her about the sisters, and she, awkwardly, moved the topic on K. It was SO UNNATURAL that you could tell it was fake. It’s in the way she had to move the topic from one important thing to another nobody cares about. Without the talking points, she would have answered the question about the sisters, easy as that.(She never said their relationship is more important than the sisters’ one tho, she said that message -anti-toxic masculinity- was more important, because she is paid to say that).

Now….we can’t say that she doesn’t like K tho! I think she honestly has a really problematic relationship with her husband. She said many things that made me question it. Maybe she overshares. lol Anyway I think she does with KA the same thing she does with her ship in “The good place”, she identifies herself with the character and lives the illusion of fixing her own shit while fixing the character’ drama.

Ofc she cares about the sisters, but she wasn’t asked to promote that lately.

I also think she is jealous of Elsa’s popularity, and maybe she thought that taking a bit of what Elsa had, would help her character being more popular. She’s wrong tho.

Because “being Queen” has a different meaning for the characters.

For Elsa, it was everything she worked for. She was an introvert, she was scared to hurt people, and to find out she could do her job SHE LOVED, and not hurting people, gave her happiness.

Anna on the other hand never wanted to be queen, she made more sense with a different job, that kept her outside and constantly interacting with people, being queen is actually restrictive for her, and the sublimation of the role of the spare.

And I don’t think KBell thought about it, when she was happy with the news.

She should read tracking and sales’ reports, before being happy. KA sells even less than K by himself. Anna doesn’t sell well as Elsa, and she ONLY gets points when she’s with Elsa.

Elsa is her winning horse in the race, not K.

[kindahoping4forever]

Happy New Year!

I wasn’t planning on making a New Year’s post but I'm emo rn and scrolling past a few on my dash made me want to say a quick something. 2019 was a weird year for me. It started off bad and then kind of tapered off and peaked around a dull meh (and that got kind of bad again the past couple weeks). Maybe in the future I’ll see it as transitional but right now I can’t see what I could possibly be transitioning into so it just kind of feels like a throwaway year.

The honest truth is being on this website was my favorite part of 2019. Loving this band is my favorite thing to do, I would’ve been doing it regardless but it is so much more fun and rewarding doing it while being surrounded by other people who feel the same way. At the beginning of the year, I would come here for fun and distraction. But now at the end of the year, in addition to the fun and distraction I’m also lucky enough to get to engage with people, whether it be the friends I am so grateful to know or reading people’s tags or comments on my posts or the occasional ask. This is honestly all I wanted when I started this blog just over a year ago and I could not be more thankful for the experience I’ve had so far.

So first off, if you’ve sent in an ask, reblogged, followed or interacted with me in any way this year, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea what it’s meant to me. (And if we haven’t interacted, let’s! If you’ve seen my posts, you know I’m always down to overreact to anything and everything lol)

Next up, my GC crew: Ashton’s Queens (@irwinvalentines​ @starwarsmccaffrey​  @babylon-corgis​ @ashtonangst​ @finesos​ @calumhood-imagines​ ) and formerly 5SOS Angels now 5SOS Sexy Bitches 😂 (@calumamongmen  @beefstickirwin  @dontdoitluke @myloverboyash @calsophat @bumblebet-20 @burncrashbromance ) I love talking with y’all and my year would not have been the same without you.

@ashtonsunshine​ @sexgodashton​ @cxddlyash​ @cashtonasfuck​ @h0tsos​ I love seeing you on my dash and I love talking to you even more, let's please do that more often in 2020.

Lastly I specifically need to thank the people who I talk to just about every damn day, whose messages I stay up way too late responding to and yet am still thrilled to wake up and see more from. (My insomnia + friends in different time zones = the real OTP of 2019)

@wastethen8 Ayla, I can’t even remember the last time we talked about the boys, now we just share our lives and I think that’s awesome! Thank you for messaging me and becoming my first fandom friend, almost one year ago now!  🥺

@glitter-cal Jen, it's been so much fun getting to know each other and legit one of my favorite memories of 2019 was getting your frantic messages after your Ashton moment at Jingle Ball. (I'm not over it yet, are you? 💪🏼) I'm looking forward to SO much more Scientific Research in this coming year!

@pxrxmoore BETH so much of my time is spent screaming at and with you that your name autocorrects to all caps. These past few months wouldn't have been nearly as much fun without our daily breakdowns over Bro Things and 🥳🥳. I love you (even if your choice to bring back Coachella!SOS still haunts us to this day) and I can't wait to meet you and Lucy this year! May 2020 be the year we finally answer the question: who needs sticks?

@feliznavidaddycal Rach, our bond was forged in thirst (#CalNipplePiercings2020) and has quickly evolved into one of the loveliest, most supportive and understanding friendships I've had the pleasure of knowing. I love messaging you and knowing you'll understand exactly how I feel whether it be about doctors being the worst, bodies being dumb or any of the COUNTLESS Cashton concepts we kill each other with on the daily. Literally as I’m typing this you’re ruining my life on two different social media platforms and I could not be happier (or more distressed) lmao.

@cal-puddies I've never been more happy that I overshare in my tags because that's how this wild ride started. And then I Kool-Aid Man'd my way into your messages and neither of our sleep patterns were ever the same. 😂 There's no one I'd rather stay up all night spinning elaborate headcanons with and you're honestly still my favorite writer. Here's to a new year of lane checks, murder blurbs and discovering even more random things we have in common. The picture says it all. 🤜🏼🤛🏼

[theseadagiodays]

May 4, 2020

This is Not a Performance

Irving H Bolano’s incredible repurposed newspaper fashion for the Met Gala Challenge on Twitter #HFMetGala2020

May the Fourth be With You as you reach the next chapter of this current sci-fi drama we seem to be living through.   As the saying goes, reality can be stranger than fiction.   But it just happens to be a many red-eyed virus rather than an evil, black-masked father that we’re fighting as we all walk around like Storm Troopers.  

There are so many aspects of our lives, during Covid, which make it feel like we are actors in a make-believe story.   First of all, we’ve all become movie stars, with our faces, homes, and even pets showcased on our own silver screens.  As isolated as we are, our private lives now play out in the public sphere more than ever - no paparazzi required.    For some, this invasion of privacy is unwelcomed. But for many people, it satisfies a secret longing to share themselves with a wider audience.  After all, deep down, everyone wants to be seen and heard (I guess, me included, since I have this blog, after all).  It’s why TikTok and YouTube and Facebook have become multi-billion dollar companies so quickly.  And now, while this pandemic is a harsh daily reminder of the impermanence of all things, it makes sense that these digital missives are an attempt to seek immortality, in some strange way.

As someone whose work responds to human’s need to have a voice, I truly get why this is the case.  And I love that this time has turned housewives into opera stars, and health care workers into hip hop dancers, and housepets into circus performers. But, at the same time, I have become very aware of the masks that we wear, even inside our homes, to portray a certain self to the world that may stray quite far from our authentic selves.  The expression “dance like no one is watching” acknowledges the fact that we all tend to perform when we have an audience, and perhaps we’re only truly ourselves when we don’t.   I understand that the way we “perform” ourselves online gives each of us a chance to reinvent the fictions we want our stories to have.   So, while I surely take some guilty pleasure from intimate glimpses into strangers’ lives, I also do so with a certain skepticism about the veracity of what I’m seeing.  

This became particularly true for me when I received a recent link from my friend and amazing singer/songwriter, Dominique Fricot. Capitalizing on this current trend of oversharing, he cleverly asked his fans to film their morning routines for the music video of his new song, Wake Up, by his duo, Flora Falls.  Dom’s warm tenor voice blended with his partner’s breathy tones feel just like a lazy morning in bed.  But I’ll leave it up to you to decide just how accurate these portrayals of people’s idyllic daytime rituals actually are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsqXou5FeY

May 5, 2020

Homeschool Heroes

About twenty years ago,  I was invited to adjudicate a youth music competition in the Yukon.  Travelling to one of the northernmost inhabited spots on earth, I imagined that my greatest surprise might have been a polar bear or Northern Lights sighting.  But it turned out to be something entirely different.  Among the 25,000 residents of the thriving metropolis of Whitehorse exists a treasure trove of talent.  I could not believe the incredibly honed skills and nuanced expression with which these 11-18 year-olds played.   Wondering why, I developed a theory that I now call SLoW: Sheltered Living Wonder.  When long, dark days, cold climates or pandemics force people indoors, they tend to spend inordinate amounts of time on creative endeavors and skill development.  In other words, they slow down and take time for wonder.

This theory has surely applied during these past few months of sheltering in place.   One of the most remarkable examples has been the inventiveness that many of my friends have brought to their first attempts with homeschooling.   So, I wanted to give a few shout outs to some of these Homeschool Heroes and the highly imaginative projects they’ve done with their kids.

Stunning Easter Eggs made from natural materials and dye, by my friend Jane Cox and her kids  (Botany lesson)

Candy Covid virus, made by Amelia, my friend Jen Sanke’s daughter, as she learned about the virus’ proteins (Biology lesson)

But perhaps the prize for most complex homeschool project has to go to my architect friend, Bryn Davidson, who upon returning from Australia, in late March, had to fully quarantine for 2-weeks.  So, with his 5-year old son Bei as helper, this Physics lesson allowed him to enjoy home delivery beer while in isolation.  Just brilliant!

https://youtu.be/FF9-2dWoUtc

May 6, 2020

Living in livestream

So today, 5 million British Columbian’s awaited our “sentence” with baited breath, as word spread that our provincial prime minister would deliver the Re-Open BC plan at 3 pm.   I have to admit, it felt a bit like when you were “grounded” as an adolescent and then your parents returned certain privileges to you.  Of course, I’m well aware that our province has already been far more licentious than many places around the globe.  We’ve been fortunate to maintain reasonably low numbers of infection (just over 2,000), with counts as low as 8 new cases per day, at this point. So, while our provincial parks closed, our beaches never did.  While we were encouraged, within a reasonable range of home, to be active outdoors, we were not restricted to walks only within the 100 metre radius of our house, as my Israeli friends were.  And while we could still shop at gardening and furniture stores, to make sheltering at home more enjoyable, New Zealanders had nothing but grocery stores and pharmacies open, for two months.  

I have sensed the gratitude my fellow Vancouverites have felt about these privileges.  But that does not mean that we aren’t still anxious to return to other aspects of living which we’ve missed.  When lockdown began, ominously on the Ides of March (the 15th), I’d harboured a secret hope that certain restrictions might be lifted on my birthday (exactly two months later).  And it turns out that Phase Two of the BC ReOpen plan will commence on May 19th, just 4 days later than I’d hoped.  What I most look forward to experiencing again are small gatherings with friends, (we’ll soon be allowed to socialize in public with up to 10 people); meals inside certain restaurants and pubs (those that are able to function within WorkPlace BC’s safety regulations); visits to registered massage therapists; and hugs with select people, (”using one’s own ‘risk assessment’.”)

But in the long-range plan, the harsh reality for artists has been laid out, as Phase Four (which includes resuming large-venue concerts, conventions, and international travel) can not occur until either a vaccine has been developed, an effective treatment plan is widely available, or herd immunity is achieved.  And this is not estimated to occur until mid-2021 or later.  So, the prospects are still bleak for symphony orchestras, opera and dance companies, artists who perform in crowded bars, or musicians who travel for arena shows and festivals.  This likely means that in order to satisfy audiences’ need to access live performance, and for artists to continue to share their creativity,  livestream formats will still have to persist for some time.  Therefore, I thought I’d share a few regular weekly livestream arts events here, both from Vancouver, LA & NY.

Canadian National Live Art Champion, Dmitri Sirenko, who we featured at our non-profit’s annual benefit on February 20th, 2020

Every Monday Night at 7 pm PST (Vancouver) Poetry Slam: https://www.facebook.com/Vancouverpoetryslam/

Every Thursday at 5 pm PST (LA): LIVE Art Battles - Watch painters do their magic in just 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWJoWGVwzGtk99nTOCib9vg

Every Thursday at 8 pm EST (NY): Spotlight on Plays - famous actors perform readings of theatre pieces, online: https://www.broadwaysbestshows.com/post/the-best-of-series/

May 7, 2020

Collateral Blessings

So many thoughtful writers are adding to the discourse, as we all strive to make meaning from what can feel like a senseliess time.  I have so appreciated the abundance with which people are sharing these missives, right now.  Every day, bursts of inspiration or flickers of insight come my way, thru texts, emails and Facebook.  Like adventurers, traveling together thru the dark of night, we shine light on guideposts, anywhere we can find them, as we collectively quench each other’s thirst for wisdom.  

One of the most profound writings I‘ve recently discovered came from a stranger’s blog.  In The Examined Family, Courtney Martin, without ever diminishing the gravity of the havoc that this virus has wreaked, writes about some of the assets that have also come out of this time.  New friendships with neighbors.  A long-neglected puzzle completed with her kids.   The time to draw and truly notice an artichoke in her back garden. My good friend Juan calls these collateral blessings.  This reference to the accidental gifts that this cruel virus has given us, is a beautiful twist on “collateral damage”, a term coined to explain accidental friendly-fire deaths during the Gulf War.  Commenting on the anticipatory nostalgia that she projects she will feel about certain things, once this time has passed, Courtney writes:

“I instantly feel overwhelmed at the prospect of schedules and stuff. I don’t want to go back to our former accumulation or frenetic pace. I don’t want to stop texting (my neighbor) my little triumphs. I don’t want to forget about the artichokes in the garden. I don’t ever want to forget this happened--the grief and the beauty of it. I’m not even sure that will be possible, but if it were, I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to vote like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to eat like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to consume like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to schedule like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to mother or daughter or befriend or neighbor like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to sit inside this little life, noticing and appreciating and breathing, like it didn’t happen. There is unnecessary suffering all around me, and inside of me, too, but there is also necessary meaning. May we hold on to that.”      

You can read her full entry here: https://courtney.substack.com/p/unnecessary-suffering-and-necessary?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo3OTg0NDcyLCJwb3N0X2lkIjozNzU1NDMsIl8iOiJCTnk2VyIsImlhdCI6MTU4NzA1MjgyMCwiZXhwIjoxNTg3MDU2NDIwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA5MjIiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.puI9NMne-783ypInpvTkJ96T237WcrTo2ItDhqlkMiY

May 8, 2020

Nostalgia

I’m rarely one prone to nostalgia.  My childhood photo albums are in storage.  I have no family heirlooms displayed in my home.  My tendency is to revel in the present or dream about the future.  But this pandemic has strangely turned me into a sentimental fool.  Perhaps this return to simpler times, where we seldom shop, where we wander mostly by foot, or where we get to know our neighbors better, makes us long for the past in certain ways.  

For me, I’ve honored this by resurrecting my daily teenage Twizzler habit - a candy I’ve rarely eaten since then, but that now feels so satisfying during my Netflix & Chill evenings (while watching films almost as old like Groundhog Day & Anchorman).  

I’m also listening a lot to Old School Hip Hop, where the explative-free rhymes of the 90’s feel so strangely innocent.  It’s refreshing to listen to these musicians spit verses that merely celebrate the joys of dance and rap, rather than ranting about gun violence and other societal ills.  Run DMC It’s Tricky (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0) and Beastie Boys Body Movin’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvRBUw_Ls2o) happen to be personal favorites.  

Last month, I was tickled by an old memory while planting a lilac bush in my backyard.  I suddenly remembered a story about my college boyfriend, whom I hadn’t thought of in 30 years.  Our relationship started a bit secretively, so as not to hurt his ex’s feelings.  So, one May afternoon, we snuck away to a distant park that was hosting a Lilac Festival.  Unfortunately, our ruse was quickly spoiled when a candid photo of our picnic under the purple blooms was plastered all over the front page of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle the next morning.  

Another sweet memory returned in culinary form. Every Tuesday, for 7 years, my mother selflessly drove me an hour from home and back, for my flute lesson.  And to break up the long drive, we regularly stopped at Bickford’s Pancake House for my favorite adolescent treat: breakfast for dinner. Their specialty was the Dutch Baby Apple.  And I finally made my first homemade attempt at this deceptively easy delicacy, last Tuesday.  

This has also been a time to return to bedtime stories (some I’ve read to friends’ kids, and others for adults to hear.)  The Great Realisation by British performance artist, Tom Foolery, has been making the social media rounds. But in case you missed this touching tale that looks back on this time as if the tale is being told in a not-so-distant future, it’s a wistful story about some aspects of modern life that we may never long for in the future:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

[sassmill]

I just remembered a book my mother got for me in elementary school called “confessions of a closet catholic” about a Jewish girl who secretly converts and now I’m so angry like what kind of fucking catholic propaganda why does my mom do everything she can to emphasize that I’m not Jewish like I get it Jen my paternal grandfather is Jewish so my last name is Jewish but my father was raised without religion so you decided to unleash your Irish catholic fury on all four of your children but why do you feel the need to constantly bring it up even still now

She always pulls the fucking “I’m not anti Semitic, my best friend and father in law are Jewish!” card

But it’s just so fucking gross. She spouts it the same way she overshares about my sexuality to her friends- she’s got so many“woke points” from her “diverse” interpersonal relationships, how could you EVER accuse HER of discrimination???

I’m so mad I’m gonna fucking puke

[its-ashley-95baybe]

His wife is an oversharer once I seen the pics of her all in his bed when he was trying to keep whatever they had going on low key is when I knew they are just two different people when it comes to certain things . If he really wants to keep certain things private, he should of found someone that feels the same way too. She put it out that Val dad putting up drapes foe them , them watching the Super Bowl together, about the house etc...

Don’t remind me of that pic. Too much time was spent dissecting if it was his room or Maks’ lol. Jen lives for this. Can’t get quiet if she tried. That’s why she gotta tell everyone she’s learning Russian and trying trapeze

[janeykath318]

Turning The Tables

10.Someone starts a rumor that we’re dating, so let’s turn the tables. (Pirk)

Jen crept into Chris Pike’s office in a secretive, wary manner, unlike the normal cheery barging in and interrupting whatever he was doing.

The admiral raised his eyebrow at the unusual sight.

“Neither,” she sighed, plopping into the chair across from him. “It’s a long story and you might not want to know.”

“Try me,” He said.

“After we got back from that Conference on Tellar, somebody got it into their heads that we…...are a couple.”

The eyebrow went even higher.

“I know, it’s absurd. We may have been seen together a lot, but how they made the leap to suggesting we’re in some sort of romance, I have no idea. I’ve been hearing about it a lot from superiors and subordinates alike and I’m about ready to report harassment soon.”

Chris frowned. Sure, he’d heard a few rumors himself, but hadn’t paid attention, because that happened to pretty much everyone in the public eye.

“What level of relationship do they think we have?” He inquired.

“I’ve been asked what you’re like in bed,” Jen said bluntly, causing the admiral to pinch the bridge of his nose in an expression of long suffering annoyance. Of course, they didn’t have to guts to ask him the prying questions and Jennifer had to bear the brunt of the whole mess.

“What did you tell them?” He asked curiously, trying not to wonder if she’d ever actually thought about him that way.

“I said to ask you if they wanted to know so bad.” Jen said. “Don’t think I wasn’t tempted to make up some really kinky, overly detailed description, but that wouldn’t help things any.”

“Naughty woman,” he chuckled. “Thank you for refraining from spreading wild tales about me. I’m sure it was difficult.”

“It was,” she teased. “You know how I enjoy stirring up trouble. This could actually be pretty fun.”

“How?” He inquired warily, seeing a sneaky grin light up her face.

“Well, since technically there’s nothing prohibiting any such relationship anyway, now that I’m a responsible Captain, I thought why not turn the tables, play up to the crowds. Make them squirm a little.”

“You’re evil,” he chuckled shaking his head. “Don’t you think that could be a little dangerous? Playing with Fire much?”

Jen looked at him. “It’s not playing with Fire if there’s already a spark there. Just saying. Be good practice for when I start flirting with you for real.”

Chris was speechless for a minute. Jen had given no indication that she was interested in him that way. In fact, he was the one person she’d NEVER flirted with.

“If you’re not interested that’s fine,” She backtracked quickly. “It was just one of my crazy schemes to flabbergast people. You know I live for that.”

“I wouldn’t say that I’m not interested,” Chris said carefully. “Just that I’m terrible with the fairer sex. It’s well documented.”

Jen snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, Yeah, I’ve heard. But Those women were expecting you to be something you weren’t. I’ve heard you really flirting before. You’re pretty darn good when you want to be.”

“And you want to be the recipient of said mediocre flirting?” Chris asked, smile of his own appearing.

“Yep.” Jen said without hesitation. “If only you knew the troubles I’ve had to hold back this long.”

She sighed dramatically and batted her eyelashes coquettishly at him, causing Chris to blush like a schoolboy, much to his deep annoyance. Okay, so he had been harboring a crush on her for awhile, never intending on saying a word to Jen.

Jen pumped her fist in triumph. “I knew it! I knew it! You DO get flustered. This is very promising. C’mon, join me in my evil schemes. I want to make Spock’s eyebrows disappear under his bangs.”

The following afternoon, First Officer Spock witnessed a sight that DID raise his eyebrow to unfathomable heights.

“Nyota,” He asked his wife as they enjoyed a leisurely meal at their favorite restaurant. “Does my vision require correction or did I witness Admiral Pike and the Captain exchanging intimate gestures?”

After a glance in the direction Spock was looking, the lieutenant’s jaw dropped, and she began to grin.

“Oh, you’re as keen-eyed as ever, darling. Jen was definitely giving Chris the eye—and he was giving it right back, not to mention the kiss on her neck. Well, well, well. So the rumors are true after all. I’m going to look forward to grilling her about this.” Nyota’s smile was part gleeful, part sharklike.

Leonard McCoy was transfixed when he entered Jen’s office upon being summoned and found her sharing the chair with the Admiral, both acting like smitten teenagers.

“Uh, I’ll come back later,” he said, awkwardly putting down the supplements she’d requested and retreating, with a dark look at Chris.

“Don’t go, Bones,” Jen entreated, carefully getting up. “I promise I’ll behave in front of you. Chris makes it so easy to forget where I am….” she aimed a sappy smile at the Admiral.

“I’m hurt you didn’t tell your best friend,” Leonard said, feigning a grieved expression. He’d suspected Jen had a thing for Chris, but it didn’t appear to be going anywhere. Evidently, the Admiral had finally gotten a clue.

“It only happened, like, yesterday, and you were working a long shift, so I thought it could wait,” Jen apologized. “Sorry for the surprise.”

“Oh, no you ain’t,” Leonard retorted. “I know you, infant. You totally did this on purpose.” He narrowed his eyes at Chris again, who conceded the point with a nod, but looked completely unrepentant.

“Just be good to her, you know?” He told Chris. “She deserves to be treated right and I’m not all that good at hiding bodies, though they’d never trace it back to me.”

Jen’s eyes bugged out at Bones’s casual not-so-veiled threat. His protective streak was showing again and she didn’t know how to react. Luckily, Chris took it in good stride.

“I agree” he said smoothly. “She does deserve all the happiness and I can promise you, I won’t hurt her.”

After staring at Chris for a few more seconds, Bones at last sighed and seemed to be pacified.

“Fine. Just… spare me the details. She has this annoying tendency to overshare at times.”

Jen blushed and wrinkled her nose, but Leonard had disappeared before she could think up a witty comeback.

“Well, he’ll act all put out for a few days, then start teasing me about you,” Jen said. “That’s How it goes.”

“Nice to know he cares, though,” Chris added, getting up and joining Jen. “I have no doubt he’d do away with me in a heartbeat, quickly and quietly, should I mistreat you in anyway.”

“Yeah, But you won’t,” Jen said confidently, seizing his hand. It was rough and rather veiny, but it was his. “I like flirting with you, Chris,” she said affectionately.

“Back at you, Jen,” Chris returned, with an adorable grin. “Which of our friends will we scandalize next?” He brought her hand up and brushed his lips across it, causing Jen to swoon inwardly. He claimed he was Bad with women? Completely untrue, in her case.

“I don’t know, but I look forward to finding out,” she breathed.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I've been to Wildwood. The Jersey Shore is crazy in general but wildwood is next level. The board walk has like 200 of the same t-shirt store, feels like you're walking through the fires of hell, and is jam packed with kids on camp trips. I've only ever done the board walk there but I've seen the walk you have to take to get out to the beach, it's insane. I can only imagine what it's like with family. How old are your cousins and what are they like?

My family has literally been coming to Wildwood every year since, like, at LEAST the 1930’s, I’m not sure on anyone earlier than that, and my family is insane, so let’s dive into this.

The Main Characters In My Life On Vacation Are:

-My Grandmother, who was a child dancer star (she tapped on the radio!) who’s been coming down here her whole life- her parents used to come down the same day there would be a talent show, enter her in it, and then use her first prize reward for the money they’d spend throughout the week. Has been in the old person stage of “I’m an elder, who cares what I say or do” for the past 15 years. Has eight living kids and Too Many Descendants. Loud and refuses to admit she can’t walk half the time.

- My Mother, who gets confused very easily, overshares and breaks off into meaningless tangents in the middle of stories, snores like a literal demon, always wants to be asleep, keeps pushing for family activities, doesn’t realize all the kids think she’s lame.

- Me, who is always Extra Depressed in the summer months, and is the Sole Person In This Family My Age- everyone just stopped having babies for a few years when my mother decided to have me (Everyone is either over 25 or under 16). Because of this I’m usually confined to my room, unable to really do anything on the boardwalk because going on rides alone is depressing and my mother has heart problems. Just wants to read and write, but the children keep Screaming.

- My Aunt and Her Husband- A Very Loud Couple, she likes to control everything and he’s the only one who ever bothers to yell back at her. They always fight exactly once, every year, and every year somehow I always end up being the only other person in the apartment while its happening, so I just have to sit in awkward silence until my aunt finally huffs out “I can’t believe you’re doing this in front of my goddaughter!” and storms out to go find her kids. They make a lot of jokes and think their children are very dramatic.

- Jenna, the 14 year old cousin. Very dramatic. Mastered the art of the eye roll at a young age. Has literally looked like a mini model since she was born. Can’t be bothered to deal with anyone. We usually have one (1) tiny girl-bonding moment each vacation and then she promptly acts like she doesn’t care even though it’s clear she does. Athletic and artistic and musically/theatrically gifted. Very sarcastic. Always doing cartwheels.

- Seanie, the 12 year old cousin. Middle child syndrome. Tries to hard to be funny for attention. VERY dramatic. Will cry at the drop of a dime (I’m typing this and I literally just heard him burst into tears in the other room??). Super adorable, you can tell he’s gonna be one of those high school boys that pulls Ridiculous Shit but after one charming smile the teachers can’t bring themselves to stay mad. Very loud. Currently addicted to video game youtubers.

-Zack, the 7 year old cousin. Adorable. Loud. Lowkey a prodigy child but they can’t afford to get him into Special Schools so he’s always bored in class. Baby Of The Family syndrome. Currently in an aggressive pokemon phase. Doesn’t understand he’s literally a child, he acts like an old man half the time.

We’re all shoved into a small apartment for a week, but there are Others:

- Kathy, Grandmom’s second oldest. Literally the most bland person I have ever encountered on this planet. Very, very into trying to plan ‘fun’ family events. Thinks any conversation is a riveting conversation.

- Kathy’s husband, who is just a plain old guy who’s lowkey a hoarder and jokes around a lot, but every time someone mentions his past or his family it gets more and more confusing??? He may have a brother who was in the CIA??? He may have been homeless or he may have lived with his sister???? He may have killed a man???? I literally know nothing concrete about this man other than he’s apparently been with my aunt since they were teens but I. D. K. Every new piece of information I receive just scatters the puzzle more.

- Their eldest daughter and her husband spend most of the summer down here but always make sure to match up the schedule for when we come down. Loud, energetic couple. I have no idea what either of them do for work? They might currently be unemployed? Really into alcohol. At some point in the week every year, everyone in my apartment bonds together to diss them after we get back from the beach. Like, they’ll do something or another EVERY YEAR that sets EVERYONE off.

- The 16 year old. Tries to show everyone memes on his phone. Never really talks to people. Does NOT get along with his parents because he’s kinda an outlier in the family. I feel like he might be a stoner, but if I find out he’s got a hidden gun collection, I wouldn’t be surprised? That probably sounds awful but he’s a good kid I promise.

- Danny, 12. Adorable. Quiet. Mini golden boy. Makes jokes when you aren’t expecting them. Very resigned to the fact he has to hug me and my mother when he sees us.

- Kathy and Mystery Man’s youngest daughter, a librarian, and her stand up comedian husband, and now their three month old who is ADORABLE and everyone was surprised to learn they hadn’t named her Hermione.

Other recurring family members are prone to popping up throughout the vacation- Aunt Margie, Grandmom’s sister-in-law, who, I love her, but remember that chocolate episode of spongebob with the old woman that was essentially a stick in a wheelchair and had a chain smoker voice??? Put that in the tiniest bikini you can imagine and add a wheezing laugh and you got her. Her daughter who I could not recognize on a street if I tried. Her son Michael, who is best friends with my mom and apparently Not Gay (no one’s really convinced). A step-cousin sometimes pops by, she’s very breezy and easy-going and you can’t distinguish her Actual Talking Voice with her Talking To Little Kids Voice.

Anyway, Wildwood itself is just. Goddamn ridiculous.

The aesthetic of this place is somewhere between the 1950’s, a trailer park, and the kind of developed land you get when a moustache-twirling man wants to convince all the old people he can to retire to his buildings. Some buildings are harsh metal, and others are bright pastels, but the only thing joining them together is the fact that it looks like no one has cleaned anything here in years. EVERYTHING, even the knew stuff, looks worn and faded. Even like…the AIR is faded. It’s not just the sun being too bright, everything you’re looking at looks like it’s an old photograph. If you stay too long, you might start to fade into the landscape yourself.

I have never once seen an animal that wasn’t a seagull here. Most towns, islands, places, whatever- you usually have at least squirrels running around, maybe some variations of birds, just. ANYTHING. But it’s all seagulls all the time. You cannot exist in a spot for longer than a few moments without one of them dive bombing you. They are not mere birds. They are feathered demons that Hath No Fear Of The Foolish Mortals Of Mankind.

The song “Wildwood Days” plays on the Boardwalk every half hour. It is the only way to appease the spirits. It’s the modern, New Jersey-ian version of painting lamb blood over your door frame. As much as I’ve grown to hate the song, to twitch and clench my fist at each note, I deeply fear for the day the song doesn’t play on time and the curse is unleashed. I have a deep, sinking feeling that this moment will come within my life time.

If You Don’t Stop To Watch The Fireworks, Your Bones Shall Never Be Found.

You hear the ongoing chant of “Watch the Tram Car, Please!”, and look around, but there isn’t a Tram Car coming. The order grows louder and louder. You realize you aren’t even on the Boardwalk any more. The sound is right behind you, but you can’t find the source. “Watch the Tram Car, Please!” you realize, to your horror, the sound is now coming from inside you. You never find your true voice again.

Despite The Fact That This Place Is A Mosh Pit Of Families From All Over The World, If You Can’t Immediately Place My Accent Or Figure Out What Language I’m Speaking, I Have Legal Grounds To Kill You.

The sand simply isn’t normal. It’s ADVANCED sand. It doesn’t make sense. It never truly washes off. The more you scrub, the more appears.

Ancient gods from multiple pantheons like to chill out on the beach, have a few beers. You never know for sure who is who, but you Know they aren’t the same as you, and you know they know more about you than you’re comfortable with. For your own sake, NEVER ask them to turn their music down.

There is always at least one plane flying over with a sign reading “Jen, will you marry Sean?”. It’s been decades. Will Jen ever say yes?

Elevators Are For The Weak And We Use Them To Judge Who To Do Away With First.

The ocean goes back and forth between green and grey, and you know the color makes a significant difference but you can never quite put your finger on what.

Fish Are Fake.

All the stores sell everything you want, but nothing you need.

King Kong Is Our Fierce Protector, Loving Hero, And Just Enforcer

All the police officers and firemen and general ‘in charge’ jobs seemed to be run completely by 18 years olds

No one truly knows who pulls the shots when it comes to deciding the Boardwalks style each year. Every store sells the same Designated Style, and each year they make less and less sense. You buy a specialized hoodie anyway, and you have no idea why.

I could keep going on with that list, but the point is, Wildwood is a Strange Place and I have a Ridiculous Family, so every year is always a bit of an experience.

Like, no one in my family really has anything in common other than everyone’s always loud and everyone’s always right and everyone is always ready to loudly fight over the fact that they’re definitely right, but like. Imagine crawling through some Hillbilly Murder Showers in the garage of a condo, using all of your force to pry open a suspiciously heavy and questionably mechanized door, walking under the boardwalk and trekking over sand dunes just to find a bunch of screaming yet physically relaxed people under the flag for Montserrat. Some guy’s cracking stand up jokes while no less than three children are fighting each other, your mother is promising for the 14th year in a row that you’re gonna go on a whale watching trip and everyone knows she’s lying, some woman’s trying to hold a conversation about buying applesauce in bulk while her husband and children get drunk, there’s a skinny pale guy with horrible sunburn blasting songs from N.W.A., a girl’s cartwheeling around the site to the point you think she doesn’t know how to move any other way, a boy’s quietly drinking pickle juice, there’s a 7 year old literally trapped in a giant hole that he dug, your mother is snoring loud enough to alarm the people around you, and just when you’re starting to get a little comfortable about the feathered demons and start to relax, a tide comes in so strongly your chair literally starts getting pulled out to sea with you in in. It’s average. It's fading into the landscape with the rest of the place.

[bobbyboops]

1. Chelsea or Priya

2. Bobby of course!

3. Bobby, he is so sweet and easy going. I just love that little unicorn cupcake bean so much!

4. Season 2 no contest season 1 was painful for me.

5. Tumblr because that’s all I have and know hahaha and everyone is so nice here!

6. Oh gosh I know nothing about zodiac signs 😬😬 I would murder it! Haha

7. Oh geez, I can only pick 1?!? I guess Chelsea! I would love to have a best friend like her who always has your back no matter what! I would say Bobby but my Bobby would probably be jealous haha

8. Hmm I don’t know, I guess I am usually friends with Lottie and hope haha I just try to be friends with everyone, haha. Except Blake that girl can choke. Also I’m not a big fan of marisol... she just rubs me the wrong way sometimes.

9. Probably Bobby. I love to cook and bake, I love kids, I joke around a lot, I hate confrontation and just want everyone to get along all the time, and will go out of my way to make others feel better/make them comfortable. Also mask a lot of insecurities with humor, am prone to getting taken advantage of in friendships because I don’t stand up for myself, but will stand up for my friends fiercely. #overshare haha

10. Most favorite boy Bobby or Tim imagine the chaos they could cause together! Favorite girl Chelsea or Talia. Least favorite boy ugh how do I choose?!? Jakub and Felix, from season 1 miles or jasper depending on who you save day 1. Least favorite girl- Blake, Allegra.

11. MC obviously because she is a bad bitch. Outside of her, Bobby for sure, Chelsea, and Gary.

12. Chelsea, Lottie, and Priya

13. Hope gives me chain smoker vibes with her deep raspy voice I imagine her with. I can see maybe Gary? Also graham.

14. More shapes and sizes for MC and other islanders, less getting pulled into drama that you have nothing to do with. Even though I am straight, I would love to see better lgbtq options for my friends!

15. Yes I love to read litg fanfics! So if you have a favorite send it on over!

16. My perfect villa! Bobby, Gary, Tim, Jake, Talia, lucas, Noah, Chelsea, Priya, Rohan, Jen, lottie but a non possessive of Gary Lottie.

17. Bobby and Lottie they both need to be doing something, and don’t like being inside haha

Thanks @lilithlibrxa for creating this challenge! It was fun!

Inspired by @kingkassam’s challenges I decided to make a tag, question 13 is abit controversial, it was 4am when I made it and I was running out of ideas/questions, that I hadn’t already done in previous tag posts or in someone else’s posts and I was thinking how they used to show it in the show

Also there’s a bit of a typo on question 14 I wrote you’re instead of your. and a missed word in the last question, I can completey redo this if anyone wants?

[thesschesthair]

I'm a big Colin fan, the reason i stuck with OUAT .. but i'm gonna admit that i'm surprised that ever since the JMo news was released he has kept silent about all his departing cast mates. i mean he hasn't even retweeted/liked any of their goodbye posts, it seems odd to me coz he seemed to get along with everyone. some ppl say he did the same thing when Sean left & everyone knows they were the best of friends .. cons are coming up so i'm sure he's gonna be asked about, but do you not find it odd

No, I don’t find it odd at all.

*Deep breath*

Okay, firstly, please please don’t think i’m having a go at you personally, it’s just i’ve seen this discussion a lot the last couple days and now i’ve been asked i’m gonna give my opinion.

None of them have to say fuck all. I highly doubt they’re obligated to either. 

This culture of needing to hear or voice every thought feeling or action is- well i find it ridiculous and completely unnecessary if i’m honest. 

He doesn’t have to publicly state any goodbye’s or feelings or opinions he has and neither do the others. If he does, i’m sure he’ll do it in his own time but if he doesn’t it shouldn’t matter either.

It was the same with the birthday tweet. From my eyes, it looked very much like a tweet put out just to keep fans happy who were probably hounding him for one. And when he did he got shit for it for it not being glamorous enough - here’s the thing - yes, Jen posts pics and heartfelt messages when it’s people’s birthdays... that’s her choice, but that doesn’t mean he or anyone else has to do the same in return. For all we know he could have gotten her a gift basket from him, Helen and the kids or something - we don’t know, and in honesty, it’s non of our business either. 

The same as with the news about the cast leaving/staying. I’m sure they had many goodbyes/farewells/tears,laughs or whatever. In private. Amongst themselves.

We’re lucky if we get a “wehey!” from him on every third moon in it’s zenith or whatever. I don’t know why people are pushing and expecting big ass novels from the guy who very rarely shares what he’s feeling anyhow.

He’s even said himself at a con that he thinks people share way too much about themselves over the internet, so why some expect him to overshare is beyond me.

For me personally, it’s all boiling down to entitlement. Some fans are thinking they’re entitled to be included in the actor’s private interactions and they’re not. 

Emma and Killian are for our consumption - Colin and JMo aren’t. 

If any of them had chosen to not speak out about their departures or choices to stay, and just left it to the journalists to announce, that also would have been perfectly fine. Some wanted to bid a public farewell, some haven’t. Either way, it’s their freedom of choice to do it off their own back - they don’t HAVE to do anything they don’t want. 

There is one question I would like to ask though... and this is an honest question out of genuine curiosity, because i’m not in the other sections of the fandom so I would like to know:

Have Bobby, Emilie, Lana & Bex acknowledged or bid farewell to each other on social media??? Because I don’t know if they have or not.

And if they haven’t, are fans also shitting on them for not saying anything public? 

Because I really would like to know if it’s an overall fandom thing or if it’s just colin and JMo getting the shit. 

Okay, rant over. And apologies, as I said, nonny. This was not a personal attack on you. Just my personal opinion on the whole mess. 

[ladyslounge-blog-blog]

Where dreams go to die

My good friend Nanci and I have known each other since we were about 14 years old. She's one of the smartest, funniest and most talented people I know and I love her to pieces. I'm not sure exactly how the seed was planted. I think my girlfriend suggested we do it so I brought it up and then bullied Nanci for months, until she finally agreed to it. We started brainstorming over supper at her place one night, which brought on the onslaught of ridicule and sarcastic comments the kids. "What are you going to talk about?" "Our lives, our view points, our years of experience, our hopes, our dreams and our bank accounts." "So you're going to talk about sitting around watching Netflix? hahahaha!" "Yeah! Is it going to be a podcast about checking your facebook and getting your nails done?" "This is gold kids, keep it coming, we're writing ALL your deep and thoughtful suggestions down. in our heads." To be fair, we do talk about all of those things... It's in the baby-fresh beginning stages so we're just figuring out the difference between gain and volume control, sound cards and audio interfaces, honesty and oversharing. But if you want to be able to say "I knew them when" and not be lying, I suggest you bite the bullet and get on board now while we're still learning how to "walk". We have a ways to go but we're on the same page. We had a dream. Many dreams. Some of which expired ages ago, others that we still cling to desperately, and others that have blossomed and evolved into bigger and better (or just other) things. On The Same Page with Jen and Nanci is an exploration of some of these dreams, our fears and inspirations, and some of the  obstacles we've encountered and the tools we've experimented with while working toward them. We're still waiting for iTunes to finish judging us but in the meantime, Spotify has agreed to love (or at least accept) us for who we really are, and so have we!

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