#Ha
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Photo
[ID: An excerpt from The Martian that reads:
Things are finally going my way. In fact, they’re going great! I have a chance to live after all!
Log Entry: Sol 37- I am fucked, and I’m gonna die! End ID]
#HA#the martian#described#described by me#op please add this id to the original post to make it more accessible! in plain text w/o a readmore :) make any edits necessary!
426K notes
·
View notes
Text
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
(secret lovers but simon will not be kept a secret.)
you hadn't liked him from the get go. amongst the regulars that frequent the place you work at serving drinks, had been him; a burly, massive figure that commanded attention even though his clothes were nondescript and blended into the shadows created by the sickly, flickering lights overhead. his broad shoulders were squared, imposing, the fabric of his faded jeans stretched taut over his knees, tapering down to his scuffed sneakers.
him appearing a menace isn't what made him stand out. it doesn't even make him special, to be honest. one too many rowdy oafs call this hole in the wall a haven, seeking solace at the bottom of a thick glass.
it's the very air around him. it's heavy, muted, as if absorbing sound and movement. that one time you had the displeasure of personally handing him an beer, it'd felt suffocating, pressed down on you, made it hard to breathe. the stillness had been almost palpable, the usual hum of the bar nought but a distant buzz, even the clank of the chilled glass on the table had seemed muffled.
you'd felt the drink slosh over the rim in your haste to get away, retreat, escape. he hadn't even glanced your way and you'd been overwhelmed.
fucking hell.
and that's not the worst of it. the way he looks at people is unsettling. his beady eyes glint with a manic, rabid hunger, fixated on any bare legs that come into his field of view, as if he sees nothing but prey. that turns the discomfort that pricks at your skin into disgust.
revolting bull of a man is a pervert to boot.
(sometimes he comes in with others, 3 much more approachable, charismatic men that pop that personal bubble of oppressive silence he brings with him with their boisterous laughter and lively chatter. they're good folk except for when they want to act like your eyes are on your chest.)
so it's a true shame you spent weeks snarking about how foul he is when he's one of the best lays you've ever had in your life. (and continues to be.)
it's all discreet, of course. you can't be caught having a thing with the man you'd cursed up, down and sideways because he wouldn't stop staring at the tits you let him come on that same week.
you wouldn't even know how to explain how all of this started. that'd he'd been a surprised you and strong armed a belligerent drunk off the property for you a while back? that he'd happened to be around when your car got a flat, pulled out a jack from the bed of his truck and told you to sit your 'pretty arse' inside while he changed it? or that after the nth night of him being the very last patron, you realized he'd only leave after you were done with restocking and ready to close up shop?
you kept it all of it on the down low. pretended you couldn't feel his eyes on you, boring holes into the side of your head while at work then garble out his name through the fingers you're drooling over after work.
and it stayed that way for a while. he never stayed longer than you let him (not like that meant anything, he barely let you out the bed to pick up the door dash before he sat you on the countertop and lapped at your sore cunt until you came.)
he rarely used his phone so there was no worry about sudden texts while you had friends around.
it seemed a fine thing at the time. but then he started sitting at the bar top instead of his usual corner haunt, occasionally calling you over with a curl of his fingers (the ones he had you lick clean last night.) he stopped being a total lech, keeping his eyes glued onto you and you only, being so blatant about it that your co-workers offered to walk you to your car later.
embarrassing. you'd meant to give him a talk about laying off the intensity of his stare but it slipped your mind when he slipped into you from behind while fisting your hair.
when your boss is the one that gives you the stranger danger talk, even though you have said strangers love bites mottling the junction of your shoulder, you decide that enough is enough. so after your shift, you ask to speak with him.
only to have him snort in your face.
"don't think so."
before you get to say anything else, he's sitting you on the hood of his truck, legs hooked over his shoulders, eye level with your bare pussy because he'd stuffed your knickers into his pocket before work.
the first glide of his tongue between your folds is deliberately slow, tip catching the bundle of nerves at the top. your palm stings from digging your nails into it.
the second sends a shiver licking up your spine, his hands dimpling the soft of your thighs to keep you from squirming.
"look at me."
your body reacts instinctively at the low, grating tone of his voice and you're peering down at him before your mind can even catch up.
he nips at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. "best get used to 'avin' me 'round." this was no conversation.
the tips of his fingers grazing over your wet heat, gently prodding the entrance. when he sinks them in, scissoring, thrusting, you realize he's not going to let you come.
this isn't a reward. this is about to be your punishment.
slick glistens on his knuckles under the streetlight as he undoes the zipper of his jeans, the sound of the metal teeth deafening in your prickling ears.
simon puts his hand close to your mouth like he's done in the bedroom, and you spit on it, like you've done in the bedroom.
the searing (but oh so good) burn is both familiar and not when you take him to the root, a shuddering breath escaping your quivering lips at the sensation of him filling you until the seams feel like they're becoming undone.
he lowers his head to nose your sweat-slick temple, large hands flat by your sides. his breaths warm your throat as he speaks.
"i won't be your dirty little secret, pet."
a hand creeps up to the nape of your neck, claiming a fistful of hair. simon pulls a sibilant hiss from you when he tugs hard enough to ache.
ouch.
"can't shove me in a closet and pocket the key." he rolls his hips once, twice before widening his stance.
oh.
oh no.
"now be good and let me take what's mine."
there'd been no arguing with him before he fucked you in earnest, and certainly not after when he takes you home, spend dripping onto his seat on the way there, where he makes you ride him on the driveway, only letting you go inside once he felt he got his message across.
(message understood.)
the next morning you wake to sore thighs, a throbbing pussy, a dry mouth and a text from your boss.
i've got cameras outside the place, by the way. go home next time.
at least you didn't get fired 🥴
#when you screech at simon aghast at the knowing your boss saw you get your body imprinted into simon's car#simon just shrugs.#yeah he saw them there months ago. it's your fault you have zero situational awareness lovie#ha#haha#gotta kill him now :)#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#cod mw2#simon ghost riley smut
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Coming in her yard
She hadn't made a milkshake in years for fear that they would return.. She starts the blender reluctantly.. In the distance, screams.. The boys had returned. They were. coming to her yard.
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
In the name of the father, the son and the satanic nun Bambi🔥💕
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#ha#angel dust hazbin hotel#alastor hazbin#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#alastor the radio demon#alastor nuns#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin vox#vox hazbin hotel#valentino hazbin hotel#valentino#radiodust#hazbin hotel vox#alastor x vox#staticmoth#sketch drawing
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
this is so good
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
reblog to chase the character up a tree and throw rocks at them
The point of fiction is actually to put that guy in a situation™️, and he might try to tell you the point is to then get him out of the situation, WRONG, second situation
60K notes
·
View notes
Text
I know everyone’s mad at Aziraphale right now because of how the season’s ended but I don’t think we’ve talked enough about the fact that Aziraphale has been keeping a diary for centuries (based on the fact the entry we see is from volume 603) and he literally starts his entries with “dear diary, last month Crowley and I both happened to be in Edinburgh”.
#HE WRITES IN HIS DIARY LIKE A STEREOTYPICAL TEENAGE GIRL#HOW IS ANYONE NORMAL ABOUT THIS#also the absolute banger of a fanfic this would be#someone just writing all 603 volumes of Aziraphale’s journals which are all just meetups with crowley#you know his journals are filled of their misadventures as idiots in love#dear dork diary but its aziraphale#HA#ineffable husbands#good omens spoilers#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#anthony j crowley#crowley x aziraphale#go 2x03
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
*texting*
Regulus: do you ever wanna take your heart out and squeeze the emotionans away and then put it back in your chest so you'll feel less emoticons
James: ...
James: I'm coming over
#regulus is me#we only have one difference#he can't swim but i can#HA#marauders#jegulus#regulus black#james potter#james x regulus#reguous x jamss#starchaser#sunseeker
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
transcript under the read more
a "superweanling" between two regular sized weanlings
3K notes
·
View notes
Photo
Oil paintings by Ksenia Buridanova
@buridanova on Instagram
#art#painting#dark art#horror#fantasy#macabre#surreal#floral#insects#bugs#praying mantis#moth#eyes#birds#mushrooms#butterfly#ha#body horror#fav
907 notes
·
View notes
Text
recent gitm doodles
All character belongs to @venomous-qwille
#my art#gitm au#sorry for the frquent tag qwille :']#cw mild nudity#don't act sus ill will throw rocks at you#also I just realized i can post so so so so many pire pictures on computer#ha#I’ll be dropping giant doodle dumps in the future because how low quality each of them are
882 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hack these hands
294 notes
·
View notes
Text
transcript under the read more
caption: she waited for this moment her entire life
customer: -paperwork done and i need to get out of here
clerk: it doesn't work like that, it takes days
customer: i wanna talk to the manager
clerk: ok one second /pretends to walk down some stairs before spinning around to face the customer/
clerk: hi, how can i help you?
customer: WHAT THE-
#other#oh my god#SCREAM#the prophecy!#funny#ha#lmao the 'what the-' at the end#work#retail#customer service#i want to speak to the manager#i AM the manager
933 notes
·
View notes