#jealousy is not sexy

[bethanydelleman]

The Jealousy Trope in Romance and Fan Fiction

No man is offended by another man’s admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it a torment. - Henry Tilney, Northanger Abbey

No one is offended by another's admiration of the person they love, it is only the partner who can make it a torment

As I recently wrote while reviewing Everingham by Katherine T, there is an extremely problematic trope that I still see in Romance fiction today and very frequently in Fan Fiction (especially with Darcy), where jealousy, to the point of rage, is considered good, sexy, or appropriate in a long term relationship.

It is not.

Now that is not to say that people shouldn’t experience jealousy at all. There are very normal, healthy kinds that just go along with being in love. It is common for a person with a crush to be jealous of the person their crush likes. That’s normal and basically unavoidable. The important thing is that it needs to stay internal. At that point, you don’t have the right to command that person’s attention.

In a relationship, you might find yourself getting jealous of how much time your partner spends on a hobby, with a friend (same gender or not), or with a pet. Again, that is normal, but it is something to talk about with your significant other and work out together. It’s very normal to have discussions about how much couple time you need to feel appreciated and there are reasonable limits.

But unhealthy jealousy is part of coercive control abuse and it’s really, really bad. Like Arthur Huntington in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte bad, where he accuses Helen of loving their son too much because it is stealing love from him.

Everingham is not alone in using this trope, but it actually displays a whole bunch of the unhealthy jealous behaviours:

Expected to Spend All Your Time with Them 

Required to Check-In

Rules About Who You Can Talk To

Suspicious without cause

Possessive

Quick Temper

Emotionally Intense

That is the beginning of an unhealthy and abusive relationship! Of restricting contact with friends and family. Because in this story, the accused partner (Fanny) did not give their SO (Henry) any real reason to be jealous. In fact, he gave her reasons to be jealous and then was told she was wrong. It’s now creeping me out how extremely problematic that relationship is being portrayed. And again, I’m not specifically calling out the author, as this is a common trope, but this FF is widely recommended to fans of Mansfield Park and it has this major issue.

Because Henry Tilney is right when it comes to jealousy. In Northanger Abbey, Isabella was not just being admired as a beautiful woman, she was encouraging flirtation in the hopes to “trade-up” to a better man than James Morland. That is proper jealousy, but James also does the healthy thing, he leaves. Because the point is, Isabella is not faithful, the relationship is doomed.

So to sum up, if your partner flies into a jealous rage because you talk to an important person in your life and you have given absolutely no cause for your partner to be jealous, then get out of that relationship.

[royalarchivist]

Pac: I'm just gonna lay down here while you guys build, you know? I'm gonna- just gonna enjoy the moment, you know, it's such a good view here.

Tubbo: Lemme just- oh wait wait wait, lay down, lay down, lay down, lay down, lay down.

Pac: I'm gonna... ok?

Tubbo: Just- just lay down... [Las Casualonas dances on him] This is for you, this is for you, king.

Fit: [Immediately pulls out his potato cannon and shoots Tubbo]

Pac: [Laughs] Fit, you seeing this- [Laughs as Tubbo gets shot and set on fire]

Fit: [Still shooting Tubbo] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, misfire, misfire, misfire!

Tubbo: OW OW OW, you're gonna kill me, I only have 10 hearts!

Fit: [Still shooting Tubbo] Misfire, misfire, misfire!

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]

Tubbo: Fit, I'm so close to death-

Fit: I'm so sorry- oh Tubbo I'm so sorry [Hitting Tubbo with his scythe]

Pac: Oh my god, Fit!

[Tubbo dies]

Pac: FIT! Oh my god, the misclick...

Fit: I don't know what- it was a misclick!

Pac: Oh Fit, your keyboard is broken, right? Remember?

Fit: Yeah, it was a misclick, Pac, you saw it, you witnessed it, yeah.

Pac: Oh my god, it's the first time he has been like- oh probably not the first time, you see the skeleton right here? Right there?

Fit: [Laughs]

Pac: [Laughs] Fit, are you doing this every day? Are you killing Tubbo every day?

Fit: No I- this was my [embarrassed] first time killing him.... No, it was just-

Pac: ARE YOU SURE? Then who killed-

Fit: I don't know where the other dead body came from!

Pac: [Laughing] Oh my god...

Tubbo: I didn't peg you as the jealous type, FitMC.

Fit: I'm sorry, I just- it was a misclick- a misfire-

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price and Carol Ohmart

The House on Haunted Hill (1959) dir. William Castle

[cuck-fantasies-ai]

[searenbound]

You’re friends think you’re too trusting when they see Bakugou talking to his ex. They were pretty serious before they broke up and he was pretty heartbroken, they don’t know how you could so calmly watch her getting too touchy and not have suspicions.

“Oh, you think I’d let him survive if I thought he was cheating? I’m not so naive, just watch him. He’s about to snap”

And he does, brushing her advance off and snarling at her attempts to ruin his life again before huffing and puffing his way back to you. Where you have his favorite drink in hand and plenty of kisses for him to steal.

[rottengurlz]

"And then I get sick and throw up and there's another memory that gets stuck // inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk"

[bethanydelleman]

How do you think the Austen men would rank based on how prone to jealousy they are ? Choose whoever you want among the men 😊

Unwarranted jealousy isn't sexy, it's scary. It's a hallmark of abuse. None of that would be my preference and my expectation for Jane Austen's heroes.

No man is (should be) offended by another man’s admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it a torment. - Henry Tilney, Northanger Abbey

[chronicowboy]

fuck it friday!

in honour of my penultimate exam being done and having a week off to study for my last one (which i will undoubtedly use to write more of this fic instead of studying) have the opening paragraphs of my angsty season 7 divorce era fic with zero context 🤭

Eddie has never been the most observant guy in the world, but he's good at noticing patterns when it comes to Buck. Good at noticing things period when it comes to Buck. Everyone tends to think Buck is erratic—but then again people also seem to think Eddie is observant when all he is is a paranoid army vet— unpredictable and impulsive, but Buck's impulses are about as predictable to Eddie as general sweeping statements are to psychics. So, he notices things. Patterns.

Like the old men that always seem to give Buck some lifechanging advice before dying on him.

Or the spectacularly bad decisions Buck seems to make once a year because he thinks its the right thing to do: whether to save his sister from her psycho ex, or to get his job back, or to save the last victim in a sanitizer warehouse, or to punish himself—at least Eddie assumes that was the year-long relationship with Taylor Kelly was about, but he may be biased in that regard—or even just to help out an old friend no matter the cost to himself.

Then, there's the glaringly obvious pattern of Buck's girlfriends that is such a blindingly bright red flag Eddie doesn't quite understand why he's the only one that it bothers. And there's more than one pattern. There's the rhyming of Abby and Ali, the fact that every serious girlfriend has an A in their name—really Buck should just date other vowels like Es and Is and another E maybe—the hair colour too, the meeting on calls, the death that clings to each of them—Abby's mother, the pig-man that had died within minutes of meeting Ali, Bobby's almost suicide filmed by Taylor and Chimney's actual deaths, Natalia's literal job.

So, yeah, Eddie notices Buck's patterns. But this one would be pretty fucking hard to miss because its the fourth time they've had to ship Buck off to the hospital this month.

gonna tag a few people but feel free to ignore!!! @danielsousa @diazass @diazly @gracelcdomas @poughkeepsies @jjudaslips

[i don't think i'll be posting many snippets of this fic because its gonna be quite spoilery all the way through but if you'd like to be added to the taglist for the final product do let me know!!]

[akaashism]

as much as i enjoy the jealousy trope for all my ships, it is actually such an entertaining thought and would be very true to character if hinata and kageyama were so secure in their relationship that they just never got jealous. at all.

hinata would probably get excited learning that someone has a crush on kageyama, allowing him to start rambling about how cool his boyfriend is. he's just like, "oh, you like him?! omg isn't he so good at volleyball? his serves are like wham! and his tosses are so accurate, it blows me away! and he looks soooo good in his ali roma jersey. one time, i almost ripped it off him in the locker room after a match—" while the other person wants to fling themselves off the nearest building.

kageyama either doesn't care or he thinks it's super inconvenient when people are into hinata because it always seems to land him in awkward social situations that he'd rather stay away from. he can also be his usual blunt self when he has to interact with hinata's admirer, which goes like:

kageyama: you like hinata?

random guy: yeah

kageyama: why? he's a dumbass

random guy: you like him too?

kageyama: that doesn't count

now hinata pretends like he's offended that kageyama doesn't get jealous over him (since he's such a catch!) but honestly, it's just for show and he knows it's not in his nature. moreover, it's sweeter to him that they're so secure and content with each other that there's just no place for insecurity ❤️

[euphoricsunflowers]

also bodywriting w wonwoo too <33 writing ‘stupid slut’ on his chest, ‘whore <3’ on his shoulder (heart is very important), writing your initials on his neck, maybe writing ‘property of y/n’ on his abs bc you know people be thirsting over him all the time and it annoys the hell out of you. bruises and scratches and crude, degrading names litter his body. his breathing is ragged, he can’t see straight, he’s holding onto the bedsheets for dear life, “please! i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to— oh my god— make you— you jealous! please, my love, i’m sorry!”

and all you can say is, with a cold look on your face, “oh, you’re sorry? sorry isn’t enough, baby. if i have to break you and ruin every last inch of your… perfect body… to remind you of who it belongs to,” your voice is lower than usual, not even on purpose but just because of your temperament right now, “then,” your nails drag against his chest and he flinches as they graze his nipple, “i suppose you should be nervous.”

[illiana-mystery]

I know this is an intense scene, but my god...the way he's looking...🥵🤤

[annn-starrr]

they're... an okay character. i guess i can understand them at some certain length?? but when it comes to seducing my man???? that's CROSSING the line.

[funpuddle]

[gothsuguru]

toji fushiguro is OFFICIALLY a real human being in my suguverse now 💯

[tennessoui]

I can’t believe Anakin in the couple counseling AU got jealous of Padme in the imaginary situation where she got to hug Obi-Wan and he didn’t 😂 that sent me

I’m personally a greedy lil fan of anakin being way too jealous to be able to be in a threesome. I just like that for him and his character. He couldn’t do it. He’d try to worm himself in between the two others while they’re spooning without him. Hes got 2 hands which means he should be in the middle and have each of the other partners hold one of his hands

Anakin getting jealous because he’s imagining Padmé and obi-wan cuddling when HE should be the one holding his master is I think a chief aspect of Couples Counseling AU Anakin

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Lilith: Devil's Whisper

Designer's Reflection: Devil's Whisper

Obtained: Mysterious Portrait SSR gacha

Rarity: SSR

Attribute: Purple/Sexy

Awakened Suit: Reflection of Day

Story - transcripts from Designer's Reflection

Chapter 1 - Eternal Beauty

Chapter 2 - Chosen One

Chapter 3 - Love and Devotion

Chapter 4 - The Only Deity

Story - summarized

Envoy Reza had devoted her entire life to a puritanical worship of the moon god, or the Only God. She prayed the longest, followed every rule, and led the other envoys in the holy rites. But the One God never showed her the eternal, purest beauty she prayed for.

One day, Queen Lilith visited the abbey. No one could focus on prayers while she was there - not even Envoy Reza. But Reza tried to brush this off as the others were momentarily weak. Lilith couldn't possibly be the most beautiful.

Sometimes Lilith would visit with other noble girls, including the 15-year-old Arwen, the duke's daughter. She was lively and youthful and beautiful... which unsettled Reza. Lilith came by and talked about revenge, wanting to hurt Arwen just for being pretty.

This triggered something inside of Reza: she had always done the right thing, followed every rule, yet it never seemed... enough. Why should Arwen be carefree and beautiful? What if Lilith was right?

Gradually, the envoy became obsessed over not being "God's Chosen One." The only one who offered her any sympathy or a path forward... was Lilith. Reza's faith twisted to see Lilith as a powerful god, one of beauty and demonic behavior.

With Lilith's encouragement, Envoy Reza marched to Arwen and called her a Chosen One, informing her to complete all tasks at the abbey. The girl sobbed as her life was taken from her and she was thrown into a joyless world of rules. But Reza had planned all this to make the girl less happy and less beautiful.

Without a shred of regret, Envoy Reza turned her attention to Lilith. Now the queen would be the Only God, and she would serve Lilith to any end.

Connections

-In the "Mysterious Portrait" event, an anonymous painter submitted the half-angel, half-demon portrait, with the caption "For my only god." This is Envoy Reza, who sees Lilith as equal parts angel and demon and worships her as a god. You also encounter her during the event.

-Much like in Voice of Desire, Lilith makes herself the most beautiful, desirable person by finding out what a person values most and then offering or becoming what they want. In this case, she played on Reza's insecurity as a "pure and faithful maiden" and gave her a twisted sense of worth and justice.

-Any connection to demons in the game is symbolized/depicted as skeletal. Nightbane started off as a black skeleton before he was granted a more human form; the Goddess of Desire has bone wings and a bone handle on her scythe; and now Lilith as both an angel and demon.

Fun Facts

-Arwen is also the name of the elf princess from Lord of the Rings. She was of unsurpassed beauty, and she fell in love with a human.

-The Reflection's religion seems to be like Christianity, with strict dogma, communion, having the Only God, and the envoys dressing in black (like nuns).