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thetravelingtyper · 7 months ago

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Our Shattered Heart Part 4 (GN! 'Heart' Reader x Taskforce 141)

With everything settling down you get a call from your old lieutenant and learn some important information, as well as seeing a ghost from your past...

Warnings: Minor language

Part 3.00, Part 5, Masterlist

Jesus this turned into me writing 30 freaking pages in one stupid day so expect chapters up quickly lmao.

Chapter 4

You treaded the path between sleep and lucidity, but the sounds of boot steps made you stir. You awaken in Kyle's arms, his face softened by sleep. You move slowly to unwrap yourself from the man before he turns in his sleep a slight frown forming. You frown and run a hand to his cheek before turning and leaving the room quietly. You step silently into the hallway before racing into the open area. Here you find Johnny alone, his head is turned toward his phone before he notices you and a smile tugs itself onto his face. You return it and reach out for him before realizing the sights of exhaustion on him. The man carries himself a little loose, shoulders slumped, and traces of dark circles under his eyes. It doesn’t stop the man from surging forward, phone forgotten, and taking you into his arms. You yelp in surprise when the man hauls you up and spins you around laughing.

“I missed ye bonnie.” He lowers you and peppers kisses all over your face and you set a hand against his cheek. He softens then, leaning into your hand before tucking down onto your shoulder. You run your hand through his hair, murmuring a quiet its ok. He sighs, finally releasing tension.

“Where is Simon?”

“Here love.”

A low voice calls from the kitchen and Simon enters in plain clothes. You reach your free hand out and he comes, taking it and after pulling off his mask presses a kiss to it in greeting. His eyes are clear but something lingers when he looks at you.

“What is it Si?”

He for once seems a little at a loss for words.

“It's complicated love.”

Johnny pulls back at that, arms unwrapping from you but hands lingering as if he was scared you’d disappear. You look up to Simon fully and he looks away, but his hands seek you and you are then pulled against him. Head against his chest you find his heart hammering. He cusps the back of your head pulling you closer. You feel Johnny’s hands move and the man tucks his head where your arms meet Simon’s chest.

Your heart hurt then, both Simon and Johnny were behaving strangely.

“It’ll all be ok.” You say it with a wavering confidence but Simon's arms tighten around you, one lifting to pull Johnny close. Johnny then pulls back with a resolution in his eyes, he glances at Simon with a knowing look. The other man nods and the Scot grins a toothy grin. He then presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“Aye, it will be.” SImon hums an affirmative before there is the sound of keys in the door. He pulls back as a uniformed John enters. His eyes immediately are drawn to yours and a smile lights up your face before you realize how tired the man looked. Like Johnny, he had dark circles, evidence of a long night. You move and the boys both release you. You move to John as he closes the door, locking it and setting a worn duffle aside. He gives a low sigh, stretching his neck and working to release tension in his shoulder.

You look up at him with eyebrows drawn in concern.

“John, what's wrong?” You come to stand in front of him as he works his shoulder, he then takes you by surprise, pulling you to him in a tight embrace. He doesn’t answer immediately instead choosing to drop his face and press a kiss into your hair. Your arms wrap around him, brushing against his uniform. He holds you for a long moment as Johnny and Simon look to each other in quiet communication.

“Not today please, all in due time sweetheart. What matters is you're here and safe.”

He loosens his arms and you can see the storm breaking in his eyes, a silent resolution you don’t understand follows. His eyes then pass to Simon and the taller man nods. You still are concerned and John can sense your worry, a hand coming to your cheek.

“We’re not going anywhere.” You raise a brow at that,

“Trying to replace me, Captain?”

He gives you a dark look and his hold on you tightens before he presses his lips to yours. All doubts are chased away from your mind with his lips on yours. You sigh into the kiss as John deepens it chasing something you couldn't name. Something possessive naws at his heart and parting from your lips John traces kisses down your jaw and neck. Your hands move one to his chest and the other to cradle his head. Your breath hicks when he hits a spot at the base of your neck. John chuckles pausing then and looking at you with dilated pupils, the blue engulfed by a sea of black.

You look up at him noting his evident exhaustion.

“You need to sleep,” you turn and pin Johnny and Simon with a look,

“You two as well. Kyle is still asleep.”

John gives you a fond smile before pressing a final kiss to your forehead. He then grabs his duffle and heads to Kyle’s room to shower leaving you, Simon, and Johnny. They both turn to you at once. You raise a brow,

“Bed.”

Johnny approaches you and tugs you fittingly into his arms yet again.

“You coming with us lovie?” He gives a grin and raises his eyebrows suggestively. You consider it a moment, Johnny’s warmth luring you into an easy comfort. But a moment to yourself sounded a little nice before jumping back into the field, so you kiss Johnny’s cheek and mention for him to go ahead. He gives you puppy eyes but lets you go. He heads to the bed room leaving you and Simon.

The man steps forward as well, a hand coming to your cheek and pulling you in for a kiss. You swoon when he takes your hand in his other. Parting a moment he murmurs I love you and you freeze and your eyes widen. His meet yours with a calm softness you rarely see in the man. He pulls back from your mouth a breath's distance, eyes dropped and head tilted down he just stares into your eyes.

“I love you.” His voice is even and strong. He takes your hand and sets it to his chest so you can feel the rushing of his heart. His hand on your cheek moves down to your neck where he can your own pulse jump.

You almost believe you heard him wrong but the weight of his eyes and the similar rhythm of his heart to yours ties you both together now. He moves forward, moving your palm to his face where you can feel the roughness of stubble. His hand engulfs yours easily. Then his chest presses against yours.

“I left you alone.”

He states it as a simple fact and you feel his jaw clench.

“You could have died.”

“I didn't Si.”

He nods at that but he is in his mind, eyes searching over you a moment.

And that bastard thought he could take you from them.

Simon's lips turn up in a snarl, anger, or some dark rage rushing through him. His hand on your neck curls, tenderly as to not hurt you but possessive.

“Simon, I am here.”

You call to him and he's back in the present before you move up and kiss him. Simon snaps. His hand clenches yours and his other comes to the back of your neck and pulls you to him. Your free hand moves into his hair, the tresses silky under your fingertips, and feeling a heat build you tug. Simon chuckled deep in his throat, the laugh rumbling through you.

“Playin’ a dangerous game sweetheart’.”

The man nips at your lip before an arm wraps under you and he hoists you against him. You exhale a breath in surprise before Simon steals your lips moving you both to the couch. He sets you down gently before guiding your head to lay back. Eyes wide you follow only for the man to brace his knee next you your thigh and come to lay on top of you. There is heat in his eyes but the hand at your neck is gentle. His lips move from your lips to trace down your neck until he finds the spot John found earlier. You feel him grin before he nips there in an action that has your toes curling. He is careful not to bruise you but traces down to the collar of your shirt.

Simon lingers for a moment, head over your chest while your hands trace his strong form. He then rolls you so he doesn't leave all his weight on you before pulling you to his chest. He ghosts a hand at the rim of your shirt.

“Pretty thing.”

He sighs, head coming to rest on your chest as he engulfs you in his arms. You tilt your head down and press a kiss to his forehead before pulling closer to him. He is warmth and safety.

“I’m not leaving you again Love.”

It is said in stone. Concrete and steel are spoken as a sacred vow. You breathe out, chest tightening at the promise. Of all the men Simon had been the most closed, but the pure devotion in his eye as he peered up at you weighed on your heart.

“It wasn’t your fault Si, I am here, always.”

You give him a small smile but a shadow passes over his eyes. His arms tighten around you and he shifts, pulling you closer to him all space between not gone.

They would take you over his dead body.

“Easy big guy.” You chuckle and he looks at you with adoration then before pressing your lips together again in a sweet kiss.

An hour passes before SImon fully falls asleep having rolled over with you able to carefully sneak out of his arms. He sighs but you tuck one of the pillows to his chest and his arms wrap around that instead. You stifle a giggle before pressing a kiss to the man's forehead and pulling a blanket over him.

Moving to Kyle’s room you crack open the door and your heart softens at the sight of Gaz wrapped around Price, both men in a deep sleep. You close the door and turn to Johnny and Simon’s room but find it empty. Confused you turn to your room and find Johnny asleep in your bed. He seemed to maybe have been waiting for you but knocked out on top of the covers and you sigh. You enter your room and pull an extra blanket over the Scot. You open a drawer quietly and pull on a new shirt before sneaking back into Kyle’s room and snagging a pair of sweats.

Passing back into your room you grab your backpack and shoulder it before closing the door and sneaking back into the living room and tucking your (new) phone into your back pocket. You scribble a note and send a message in the group text to be safe. Setting the note next to Simon’s phone you grab a set of keys, and Simon’s jacket and sneak out into the fair winter day.

You blend once again into the streets of London the cold chased away by the jacket that engulfs you. You pass places absentmindedly just happy to be on your own for a quiet moment when your phone buzzes. You look in curiosity to find a message from your old Lieutenant. Then it rings a moment later. The voice that comes through your headphones is rich but serious.

“It's been a while Sergeant.” He mentions your name and you can hear the smile in the man's voice and a surge of nostalgia hits you. You find yourself pausing and moving to a side alley to talk.

“It has.” That is all you manage. It had been a long two years and at first, you hadn’t wanted the transfer, confiding this in your Lieutenant and the man had backed you up, expressing his desire for you to remain in the States. Your Captain on the other hand seemed ready to replace you the moment Laswell appeared to take you under her wing. Thankfully the taskforce was exactly what you needed but you still remember your commanding officer standing up for you.

“I happen to be in London and Kate said I could find you here. I have some information for you, things you’ll want to hear.” He then gives you the location of a restaurant a little distance away. You check your maps before checking the time. He seems to sense your hesitation.

“I wouldn’t call on you if it wasn’t important.” You sigh and hail a cab before responding,

“I’ll be there in 40.”

At the other end of the phone, the man nods looking to his companion with a relieved smile.

“Good see you then Heart.”

You hang up and lean back into the seat before giving the driver the address and zoning out.

The time passes with songs and staring out the window before you pull alongside a side street to find a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant. You thank and pay your driver before stepping out into the street as a light snow begins to fall. You duck into the awning of the restaurant but pause a sudden anxiety building in you. You were nervous facing him suddenly, you then think of your men back at home wishing one of them were here with you. But they looked so tired so you check the time, 12:32, and silence your phone before taking the handle of the door and pulling it open.

The smell of Mediterranean food calms you and you stifle a giggle, this was just like him. You enter a little cautiously before a short woman with blond hair sees you and smiles.

“Looking for someone dearie?”

You nod politely and describe your Lieutenant, she perks up instantly.

“The man in uniform! Good choice hun,” You bite your lip about to explain to her but she quickly pulls you into a back area where you find said man.

Sitting in a dress uniform is a tall man, his hat set neatly aside while he runs a hand through jet black hair blue eyes shooting to you and a small but true smile lights up his face. The waitress drops you off with a final wink before leaving back to the front. You approach before a flash of brown hair tackles you in a hug. You are nearly keeled over but strong arms tug you back as the labrador of your best friend buries his nose in your hair. Upon realizing it was who you thought it was you return the hug tightly.

Your lieutenant sighs some of the tresses of his hair loosening and falling in his face. Your face is turned to him in the hug and he sees your lips quirk up fondly.

“Hey, kid.” It's a level of softness you get after 10 years of knowing the man. He had dragged you through so much you give him a nod before you can finally pry the sergeant from your arms. His hands take the sides of your head and press his forehead against yours. Green eyes shine in mirth into yours and you get a little misty-eyed. He had been out of the country on ops when you left and you had not seen the man since.

“Hey Darlin’”

“Hi” You breathe it out your heart stuttering a moment before you pull the man in again for an embrace. Your heart is a dove in your chest for a moment. Something you had deeply buried in your heart threatens to rise the longer you are in his arms. You shakily pull yourself away tears falling down your face. Oliver’s hand traces down and he wipes a tear away from your cheek.

He chuckles fondly before pulling a bandana out from his back pocket and letting you wipe your eyes with it, the olive green fabric making you smile.

“Keep it sweetheart.” You both say it at the same time before laughing. His arm drops to your shoulders before turning back to his commanding officer. His grin is award winning and your Lieutenant sighs again.

“We are here for business sergeant.”

“You sir are here for business, we are all party.”

You elbow Oliver finding it actually hurts your elbow more than it does him. You glance at him and he winks. You shake your head. His hair is shorter than you remember. You turn as Lieutenant Keats stands and you both stand at attention naturally. He is about to speak when another voice, this one familiar enters.

“I am glad you are all here.”

“Kate?” She enters from behind you and sets a hand on your shoulder with a small, tired smile. She and Keats shake hands and you find a smile reaching the reserved man's face.

“Hello Alex, Sergeants. If you all will take a seat we’ll get started.”

Kate and Keats take seats across from you as Oliver pulls you by the hip to sit next to him, his arm settling naturally on the back of your chair. Laswell take this in with a knowing smile you miss. She then gets straight into business.

“Heart you have been requested for transfer back to America.”

Your heart drops and you freeze and Kate sighs.

“I see the boys haven’t made you aware?”

You bite your lip,

“When did Price find out.”

“Around the time you were injured.”

The protectiveness, the anger, and this recent ‘problem’. You grit your teeth and offer,

“That makes sense, I suppose they all know?”

She nods.

“Good to know Laswell, Thank you.” With that you are tensely quiet. Oliver frowns, a hand moving to your knee and squeezing. You soften a little before tucking yourself into his side as Laswell continues.

“With Keat’s suggestion, I think I’ve found a way to fight it, one Price or Ghost wouldn’t have thought of,” she mentions to Oliver and his eyes widen, “a new, external joint partnership to the 141.”

Your eyes widen and you drop almost without thinking,

“Ghost will not like this.”

Kate’s eyes flash with mischief,

“Neither will Price but he insists on keeping you. This is a logical way your lovely (she says with a note of sass) old captain will get his information while keeping one of my best teams up and running. Personal relations have improved with your addition Heart and I intend to keep it that way. Going forward Oliver is to be your little shadow.”

You look away at the knowing look she shoots you at the relations bit but Oliver circles his thumb into your knee and you sigh, relaxing into his warmth. She nods and is about to continue when there is a call. She looks at her phone and sighs.

“That would be John,” she turns to Keats and murmurs an excuse me. You take the moment to fish your phone out of your bag. You find two missed calls from Simon messages from the others.

“Shit.” Oliver frowns but moves his hand as you straighten sending a call to Simon. He picks up immediatly, you bite your lip at the deep “where are you?”

“I am with Laswell and,” you look to Oliver, “old friends.”

On the other line Simon is already pulling on his boots and Johnny paces. Kyle tries to calm them,

“They left a note. Johnny quit pacing you’ll wear a hole in the carpet.” But Johnny turns on him about to speak but John entering from a phone call pauses the two Sergeants.

“Your meeting behind my back with my sergeant and I don’t appreciate that Kate.” The man is already dressed, his signature hat forgotten as he laces up his boots. Johnny goes to follow but Simon passes him a look. Johnny’s lips lift in challenge but something in Simon’s expression has him sitting.

“We’re on our way dove.” He says it sternly before hanging up.

Back at the restaurant you look from your phone to Laswell. She meets your eyes as the other person hangs up. She thinks a moment before returning to the table. She turns to you and asks a question in the form of a name,

“Simon?” You sigh and nod your head. She nods curtly before taking her seat calmly.

“Well, gentlemen it seems we’ll be having some company.” She takes a menu and passes you and Oliver one each. Oliver and Keats look at each other while your head dips into your hand.

“I take it you didn’t tell Price.” Kate’s eyes lift in amusement at the statement from you. The same waitress from before approaches to take your orders. Kate calmly orders, followed by Keats then you and Oliver splitting a gyro plate. The waitress leaves with a wink at Keats that has you laughing into a cough when the man rolls his eyes.

“No I didnt get the chance to.” She says it with a smirk and you pinch your nose. Oliver frowns,

“Just who is coming?”

You both turn to him as Oliver’s hand returns to your knee. You are at a lost for words for a moment so Kate speaks,

“Your new commanding officers, Sergeant.” Is all she offers turning to take a sip of the arriving water. You flag the waitress down and ask for a glass of bourbon. Oliver takes a whisky and Keats passes. The situation feels strangely familiar as a troubled sense of irony filled you. You just mutter into your drink before taking a healthy sip. Kate doesn't offer anything else so Oliver turns to you.

You tense under his hand and it moves, offering to tuck you into his side and despite the warnings in your head you follow the quiet yearning of your heart and allow the man to pull you closer.

“They can be…intense.” Is all you offer before you turn quietly to your drink. Something in Oliver’s mind rears protectively and he pulls you tighter to him, his right leg moving and pulling your chair closer. You sigh softly at the contact and just choose to lean your head on his shoulder, heart murmuring at the contact.

Keats turns to find Laswell intently watching the two sergeants and he knows then there is something more, much more.

The tension at the table soon mellows out however at the growl of your stomach and the subsequent arrival of the food. It turns to laughter when Oliver starts the share stories of the unit while you had been gone.

“So Murphy got himself shot and while out of it…started confessing everything. What happened to the rec room after the 4th of July. Who mauled the couch. His undying love for the infantry nurse, he even mentioned…”

“Sergeant Knight.” It is stern and you erupt into a set of giggles when Keats pulls a hand and drags it down his face.

“Lets not please.” The exasperation has Oliver laughing, a deep and joyful sound that has you remembering long days together when you were younger. Your heart clenches but you steal a bit of kebab off your shared plate.

“I got one.” You speak up after you swallow. Green eyes turn to you.

“Go on then sweetheart.”

“Two goldfish are in a tank.” You start, grinning at the memory of working with Soap and Ghost and hearing this gem over the comms.

“Go on,” Oliver quirks a brow, you continue,

“One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?”

Oliver processes it a moment before a stupid grin breaks out on his face. Keats sighs and Laswell chuckles. You turn to her,

“Its funnier when you haven’t heard it before.”

You grumble and time passes easily with in good company. However, there is a moment about 20 minutes later when you are taking a bite of cherry gelato when you hear the door of the restaurant open and a familiar pair of boot steps.

“Shit” You tense as you hear a baritone voice talking to the waitress before you hear two men approach and feel two pairs of eyes on you. John enters first, blue eyes catching Kate first before clocking you. You are turned away from the men facing the opposite wall but what gets his attention is the closeness of the man next to you. Kate stands as John steps forward, something in his heart curling the man’s closeness. He turns to Kate as Simon comes into the closed-off area next. His eyes find you first before noting the closeness with sharp attention. It is not a normal closeness form a packed area, the man’s foot is positioned on a rung of your chair as if wrapped around you. His eyes then meet blue from the uniformed officer across the table. Reading the rank of the uniform Simon finds his equal, his shoulder squared and the hand in his hoodie pocket clenched.

You and Oliver finally turn at the same time, your eyes finding John first then Simon’s heated stare and you are about to flinch when you remember. They hadn’t told you about the transfer. A new heat fills your eyes then and you look away. Oliver raises a hand around your side in comfort that both men catch. Both sets of eyes then come to his and he is intrigued to find muted anger and a weight there he doesn’t understand. But he does understand the hurt he sees as you turn away from the men using that he decides he may not like them that much.

“Boys, meet the solutions to your transfer problem. Courtesy of Lieutenant Keats.” Keats stands to join Kate offering a hand out to which John and Simon shake. The men share a look recognizing the name. You had served under the man for 10 years, talking every once in a while about the stoic man.

Oliver stands, hand tracing up your back and to your hair for comfort before he steps forward. Oliver is tall, under Simon’s head but easily matches Price and Johnny. Your head cocks at that and your eyes trace Oliver and he just turns his head back to you and winks.

“And your newest member as per the deal to keep Heart across the pond, Oliver Knight.”

Oliver offers a hand and Price takes it first a stern look on his face. Simon steps forward but Oliver tilts his head with an intrigued look at the man in the skull balaclava. He doesn’t question it but Simon takes his hand, if a little tighter then normal. Oliver grins and murmurs “its a pleasure” before returning to your side easily. Simon grits his teeth before moving to take the seat on your other side.

Price looks at Simon sternly before taking the seat across from Simon and next to Kate. John gives her a look and she begins to break down the plan she explained to you three earlier. During this, you don’t meet John’s eyes and something in him compresses, especially after you have run out. Simon doesn’t fair much better, when he moves his knee to brush yours you pull away into yourself. You still pull his jacket closer so he settles to wait, meeting John’s eyes in a silent communication.

We’ll talk later.

The rest of dinner passes with a lack of appetite on your end as you nurse a glass of bourbon. During the discussion, Oliver listens intently to the future plan. For him, it's to return to base with Laswell and Keats before immediate relocation to the flat the next day. Keats will then return with Laswell while the group of you all get a few days' adjustments before Keats and Laswell return to America, leaving Oliver within the command, and care, of the 141. Price nods begrudgingly.

“Very well.” It is all he offers and Kate replies,

“Its the best I could do John.”

He then focuses on Oliver who turns from murmuring something to you that has you smiling knowingly,

“Can you follow orders, Sergeant?”

Oliver leans back with practiced ease, not cocky but honest and up to whatever challenge. He can feel Simon's eyes like an omen, noting a possessive swirl when he eyes you, a fact Oliver notes for later. He tips back the rest of his whisky easily,

“Exceptionally sir”

Lunch ends with Kate standing to pull John aside for a moment while you Sergeants, and Lietentants stand. You take the motion to round the table and hug Keats. The man stiffens a fraction before giving in and and returning it. You part with a small smile.

“Thank you sir. I appreciate this.”

He looks at you and then to Simon who comes to linger behind you.

“Of course sergeant you are working with the best.” That brings a smirk to Simon’s face before John is returning a set look on his face. Kate returns to you and you offer her the same smile,

“Thank you Kate, for everything.”

“Of course Kid, tell the boys I say hello.”

You nod before she turns to Oliver and Keats.

“Back to base boys.”

And with that, she nods to Simon, and passes out of the restaurant followed by Keats and Oliver. Your best friend turns to you and presses a quick kiss to your temple.

“See you tomorrow Darlin’.”

And with that the man turns and leaves, leaving you, your captain, and your lieutenant. You turn to grab your stuff but Simon beats you to it, shouldering the bag easily and you turn to leave. The two men follow you out of the restaurant and into the empty side street. You recognize the black car easily. You move to approach but a hand on your arm pauses you, you move to shake it off but John steps into your space with serious eyes. You meet his eyes with anger. He is taken aback a moment before you speak.

“When did you both plan on telling me about the transfer?”

John pauses,

“Soon love, we were working ot fight it.”

It does nothing to your anger though. You approach him and point a finger into his chest.

“All of this, the silence, Johnny and Kyle, and especially you Simon treating me like shit these past few months and you can’t even tell me they wanted me to transfer? Don’t I get a say in this? At all?”

You grit your teeth, heart hurting despite everything, not that you would want to leave but they treated you like a child.

Simon moves to comfort you but you brush him off.

“No not after that. You guys had no right to keep it from me. What if I wanted to go home?” You heart clenchs but you consider what could have happened, green eyes swirling in your head and heart.

Simon growls stepping forward into your space, but you back up instead curling into his jacket.

“You are home.” He says it assuredly. A hand wanting to reach for you but hesitating.

“Simon, leave it.”

John unlocks the car and you take the back seat, turning to look out the window. Simon follows as John takes the driver seat and Simon hesitates, wanting to follow you into the back but he takes the passenger seat instead.

The ride back to the flat is silent and when you arrive you grab your backpack and make your way alone into the building without waiting for the men. You make it to the door and opening you find Johnny waiting eagerly for your return. He shoots up followed by Kyle eating one of the strawberry tarts you had made.

Before he can reach you though you murmur a no and shoot them both a look. Both men freeze as you move past, heading to your room you pause, taking simon’s jacket off and setting it down on the chair as you pass before entering your room and closing the door. This leaves both men dumbfounded as Simon and John enter.

Johnny first turns with anger, expecting evident hurt.

“What the fuck happened.”

Simon pulls his balaclava off, eyes dark at the sight of his jacket on the chair. He just passes Johnny and sits on the sofa.

Johnny turns to John,

“They found out about the transfer MacTavish. And we treated them like shit.”

John finally answers the question before joining Simon on the couch.

“Well what happened?” Kyle speaks moving to the kitchen to get a glass of bourbon and whisky respectively. He passes these to the men and after respective words of thanks John recounts the plan, meeting your old Leutenant and Oliver.

In your room you sit in bed with your headphones on zoning out with the green bandana in your hands. What of the whole situation? You were angry, but at who? Simon and John yes, as your commanding officers they should have notified you of the possibility of transfer. Johnny and Kyle? They knew of course but where did that leave you? Four months of dismissive to negative treatment that lead you to walking out.

But they did come for you, you think, both times.

You smile though, there was one benefit to this entire mess, and that came in the bundle of muscle and excitement that was Oliver Knight. You could still be upset with your men but ignorance is childish. You think then,

I’ll make the best of this situation.

You sigh, thinking of your best friend. Long nights talking come to mind, you both had joined the force together. You two were bread and butter, and,

Your heart beats a little faster,

There was that issue too.

You pause and bury your head in your hands.

The fact you are utterly in love with your best friend.

Chapter 4 end

So this story took a completely different direction than I thought it would but it still feels 'natural' to me and honestly, I am having fun so enjoy! - Ash

Taglist! Fixed it lmao

@ghostlythots, @00ops1e @fruitymoonbeams-blog @ashy-kit @character---obsessed

@rafaelacallinybbay @my-amazing-nerdyness @star-struck-universe @breakawayresin

@br0ken-rec0rds @buckysjuicyplums @cod-z @chickennn-soupp

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robiinurheart33 · 8 months ago

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Soap being jealous of roach? (TW for slight panic attack(?), intrusive thoughts and gore) - angst no comfort

Everyone knows how hard soap feels. He loves with his whole being; he loves with shoulder pats, confident and casual small talk, tiny gestures that mean the world to the people around him.

What everyone probably does not know is that soap feels hard for every single emotion. Anger is simple enough to see: steadfast disobedience at clear orders, growling at choices he doesn’t agree with, bubbling up in his throat to explode sometimes in the form of a punch.

Empathy is one of the things soap chooses to push down at times - it’s hard to do what he does if he thinks about the people involved too hard. Every opportunity he allows himself to connect emotionally with the people around him; he does.

Jealousy however; isn’t a foreign emotion to him. Contrary to what people may see on surface level, soap is not positive. He can laugh and smile, but he can just as easily shout and sneer. Soap isn’t proud of this, and he despises feeling this way almost every single day. There is a reason he’s so friendly all the time - the constant and very real fear of being replaced. He has to leave his mark, he has to be remembered. When he dies, what will he show for it? Will people remember him? Will people miss him? Will people even care?

So when this…roach shows up, how exactly is he supposed to react? He tries really hard; he really really does, but he knows it’s all futile in the end. Soap can handle him having inside jokes with Price and Gaz, Price looking at him exactly like how he sees all of 141, with pride and a trusting gaze. Soap quietly seethes. Gaz has inside jokes with roach, clapping him on the back and giving him a noogie, like roach is his little brother. Soap bites the inside of his cheek and it explodes with a stinging metal taste. But he cannot help the sickening jealousy that finally bursts in his head when he sees the soft crinkle of ghost’s eye when roach smiles at him.

What a fuckin’ cockroach.

He blinks, looking away quickly to take a sip of his beer, the lights in the bar suddenly too bright, the non-stop chattering suddenly too loud; and everything is crashing down at once. Everything is wrong. This is just wrong. He pushes it down though, smiles just the right way, laughs just in the right pitch. He couldn’t resist resting an elbow on ghost’s shoulder though, placing it there like a signal. See? He allows me to do this. Only me. I’m closer to him than you are.

Only when ghost finishes his bourbon, he picks up roach’s drink and takes a sip. Soap’s eyes widen slightly, only conveying a tiny ass fraction of the pure surprise that explodes in his body, locking him rigid. He glances between Price and Gaz, acting as if this is completely normal. Even when Ghost gives off an approving hum, placing down the glass with a small thunk, the sound echoing through soap’s mind. Even when roach acts like that was nothing. Even when they don’t notice soap hasn’t contributed in the conversation as much as he usually does. Even when- even when- even-

Soap takes the biggest gulp of air he can take discreetly, blowing it out into his cup as he takes another fuckin sip. Just like Ghost did with Roach’s glass.

He stands up, not patting Ghost’s shoulder as he tells them he needs to take a piss. He doesn’t look at any of them. He physically can’t. Every time he blinks he sees himself punching roach in the face, ripping the mask off and stuffing it down his throat. He sees himself breaking a beer bottle in half, slicing his neck cleanly and watching the blood steadily pour out. He sees himself sobbing at the table, begging to know that he isn’t a replacement to roach. He sees himself banging his head against the table until his brain matter slides off and falls onto the ground. He-

Soap dunks his head under the tap, taking in heaps of air until he’s borderline hyperventilating, trying to not get lost in his own head. He knows it isn’t roach’s fault. He’s been great company he’s the fucking worst and everything he’s feeling is the culmination of his own insecurity. But fuck, if that doesn’t just piss him off even more. Knowing there isn’t an actual reason to hate roach. He groans, slamming the edge of his palm to his forehead repeatedly to try and clear his brain.

Soap wants to rip this ugly feeling out of his chest, he wants to be normal. He needs to be normal. Soap wants to grab the black tar that gathers in his throat and chest, cleanse himself of everything. Soap wants to rip his hair out. Soap wants to know that he is safe. Soap wants to scratch his skin raw. Soap wants to bleed until he cannot feel anymore. Soap wants-

Soap looks up from the sink as the bathroom door opens. Speak of the god damned devil. Roach and Soap make eye contact with each other, an awkward silence filling the air for a few seconds before

Hey.

“Hey man.”

Roach shuffles a bit awkwardly to the sink, filling the silence with the sound of running water as soap dries his face. Just as he was about to turn and walk out the door, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Soap’s tense muscles somehow locked even more as he turned towards roach, hoping his facial expression wasn’t saying I hope you die in a ditch somewhere.

Sorry if tonight was awkward. I know how disorienting it can be to meet new people out of the blue. Especially since I used to be part of 141 and stuff… Roach’s hands falter and he wrings his hands nervously, as if not knowing what to say. Soap just stares at him. And…you seem like a really nice person. I would wanna get to know you better, if that’s okay with you? Roach looks at him with hesitation and Soap does. Not. Move. He probably took a lot longer than usual to reply, to even move or change his facial expression, but once his mind truly absorbs the words,

“Of course. Any friend of 141 is a friend of mine.” Soap automatically pats roach on the back and gives him an all teeth smile. Crinkles at the eyes. Warm look. Roach relaxes instantly, clapping him on the bicep.

Idiot. It’s probably a good thing no one else really knows how he feels.

#robs ramblings #I really need to work on how to end my blurbs #man #hope this is good tho #I quite like it #I have another draft up in the bank that’s fluff and angst #you guessed it #it’s ghoap #I rlly like soap being jealous #the jealous troupe in general #banger I eat that shit UP #call of duty #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #john price #kyle gaz garrick #gary roach sanderson

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