#jays too i gotta post those

[st4rry4pples]

alas... my photos i took on the december 18th dynamite have finally been processed :-))) i have a few others but heres my big yuta dump after he said "fuck your camera" and proceeded to pose on the turnbuckle like a little diva. i'm honestly dissapointed because most of the photos i took this night really blurry but yuta i got the best ones of... i think you can tell my love for him knowing that lol (pac was also like a foot from me after i took these but sadly my roll ran out so i didn't really get any good ones of him. still having the memory of him flipping me off is better than any photo <3 but yeah the yutas! i still like the third one despite it being so blurry because he looks just like the 🥺 emoji. but yeah the moment you've all been waiting for!!

[workingbynyx]

Hi! I was wondering if you'd be interested in writing headcanons of Jason Todd as the reader's boyfriend? Probably like the general dynamic of the relationship, love language, etc. Whatever you think goes best! :)

of course! i can finally use my hcs of boyfie jason to good use oml i have so much in store for you loves 😚

(this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and now that its almost v-day i think its pretty fitting to post this <3 also pls remember that these are my personal hcs so some may be entirely ooc but this is how i imagine him to be okay 😭)

Very affectionate behind closed doors

Jason wasn't a very clingy person to begin with. in fact the first time you held hands you swore you saw drops of sweat drip down the side of his face, it's hilarious. it took him a while to get around giving physical affection but once he did, hugs and kisses are non-stop. he'll either give you quick or aggressive but gentle kisses or would simply ask you to climb onto him on your shared bed and lay your head on his chest as he sleeps. he'd search for your hand and give it a squeeze when the both of you are in a big crowd (ex; galas, parties) or just rest his hand on the small of your back— as intimidating he might seem, he's just a big baby in your hands.

A pretty decent cook, to say the least

Could be an unpopular opinion but i'd say Jason isn't all too bad in the kitchen, he can pretty much fix up a simple meal if he wants to. The man could either fuck up the microwave or invent a whole new recipe just to fit your cravings, there's no in between. He doesn't want to admit it but he has a secret folder in his phone of all the recipes to your favourite dishes from lunch meals to deserts; so now on every occassion, you can expect waking up to the fresh scent of your favourite food set on the table <3

Midnight joyrides are the best

Do y'all know those tiktok accs that own a motorbike and just drive around with their partners sitting behind them? That's exactly how i imagine what it would be like to be Jason's partner 👊👊 literally like; "bubs put on your helmet" "are we going out? at this time?" "what, you don't want to?" "well, yeah i do..." "good, i'll have the bike out front then" then you guys just drive around on his bigass bike zooming through the city. He'd also have his hands run down your leg that's straddling him from behind at every stoplight possible wkehwjhejwhd

Getting out of bed is almost impossible

The first time you two moved in together was really exciting, waking up finding yourself beside the love of your life sleeping peacefully to eating breakfast and dinner with them too. But as time went by, it became almost your mission everyday to get out of bed without being held back by Jason pulling you back under the sheets. You'd have to be sneaky to move his arm that's wrapped around your waist before his reflexes react soon enough; "mmh, going somewhere?" "jay, i gotta get to work" "10 more minutes love, i promise. I'll just drive you there it's much faster" "you said that 5 minutes ago— i'll be late again!" "are you saying you'd rather leave me alone?" "jace i–" "mhm exactly, so stay a'ight? you could just tell them you caught that flu" "i already did...two days ago..."

Absolutely adores your eyes, hands and waist

I'm a firm believer that Jason is a certified waist-grabber !!! you can expect the rough tips of his gloves glide over from your back all the way to your waist once he comes home from work. He also looooves looking into your eyes and see his reflection in them, the same eyes that showed nothing but pure love and kindness to him. And he also likes your hands; the size difference when you compare them, how they wrapped around his own, and how they cling onto him every chance you get. He thinks it's such a cute mannerism (if you have them too)

He asks for fashion advice, sometimes

Jason'll probably throw on a shirt, jacket, pants and boots then call it day before he met you— but he's even conscious of how colors looked on him now. You were his stylist, often picking out clothes and giving him new looks that you think looks best on him just because he once saw a photo of him and thought the shirt and pants he had didn't match at all. Jason always thought clothes only consists of hoodies, sweatpants, shirts, but now even knows what 'preppy' clothing is after you explained it to him.

His love language is words of affirmation and physical touch

This may vary to some people but i do hc Jason's love language to be words of affirmation and physical touch. Words of affirmation; only because he absolutely loves it when he tells you what he genuinely thinks of you at the moment. "You look great in red", "i'm proud of what you did there", "i love you, y'know that right?", "you look so gorgeous, i'm lucky to have you" and physical touch; because he's totally convinced he can't live without you by his side. Jason would want to be next or near you at any given chance, he'll have you scooted beside him while he reads a book or gently rub his hand against your thigh when he's focused on a movie. Your presence alone gives him the comfort he's always longing for in nights that he's away from home, and you'd glady give it to him.

Very protective over you

It's probably a known fact that Jason is a protective person but when it comes to you he can be over the top in making sure you're okay (especially when you're also a vigilante/hero working with him.) You'll always have to assure him that you're fine and not bleeding to death with a papercut or when you accidentlly stub your toe against the bed. But when you're also a crime-fighter like him, best believe he'll always have you stay and guarded behind him. You had to explain so many times that you could also take care of yourself like he can, though it's understandable why he acts that way most of the time.

Acts all tough, but melts when you're around

Around the times when Jason still had a lil crush on you, he'd never let his guard down and likes to appear cold or tough. But once you were dating he's an absolute shy babe even with the smallest gestures or compliments you give him. He'd only crack a smile at the side comments you make but is mentally falling apart. Or when he can't keep up the act he simply dips his head in the corner of your neck and stay there til he stops blushing like a teen getting his first kiss.

Is a part of the sassy man apocalypse

Sometimes, you question if this man is simply your bestfriend or your boyfriend of how many years. The amount of bickering the two of you end up having is like watching two friends fight over peanut butter vs chocolate. You'd suggest a book you've been reading that he absolutely despises and have a debate right there and then. It's almost like that one Friends scene when Joey and Rachel were giving spoilers back to back at each other LMAO. The man also has an unhealthy habit of popping a hip whenever he stands, your gallery would probably be filled with pictures of him in that stance alone.

[minhosimthings]

Threesomes with Enha's hyung line

Pairings: Fem!reader × Enha hyung line (separate, poly relationships)

Warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI, Poly relationship, fingering, oral (receiving and giving), spanking, degradation, hair pulling, edging, slight dom!reader

A/N: guys look I'm really kinda dead rn and I've written the next two chapter of hold me Without hurting me but I DONT WANNA POST THEM I DONT KNOW WHY. So enjoy some of my dumb opinions while I stalk off to the rabbit hole of HeeJake fics (yes even the fluff ones) also it's my first time writing threesomes and I kinda enjoyed it for some reason (no it's not because I like the idea of two people domming my pathetic sub ass nope)

HeeJake/Ramyeonz: Heeseung + Jake

Ok maybe im just biased and too much of a simp for them I am but I genuinely believe they would be the best to fuck at the same time, because of their duality in bed. Like they could be the best degraders or the best praisers, based on your mood. Imagine coming home one day, all exhausted and so needy, to find your boyfriends sitting and watching football. And them, being them, would rush at the image of you pouting and begging, and take you upstairs at the speed of lightning. Hee would go first, obviously with the elder card, and would rile you up and edge you to the brink of insanity, not allowing you to cum, with the reason of "we gotta let Jake get his turn too, right?", whispering in your ear. Jake would be sitting obediently in the corner, boner ripping his pants, getting turned on wildly by the sound of your moans of Heeseung's name. When Jake would get in with you, who was already sweaty and panting, he would give you the greatest pleasure of your tiny life, finishing all the orgasms which Heeseung had refused you. They would also be the best subs for you, calling you mommy and begging to suck on your tits while they layed in bed with you. Of course how could you say no to those adorable Bambi eyes and those breedable puppy ones? And that is why ladies and gentlemen, I think Ramyeonz would be the best to have threesomes with. (I am definetly not biased nope)

HeeJay: Heeseung + Jay

Ahh yes the two oldest of Enhypen. Also known as the softest doms of the dom universe and no I'm not exaggerating. Like they know when you need to have soft comfort sex and when you need to be absolutely destroyed for being the brat that you are. Ngl you being a brat is the best scenario for them because look, as much as they respect you and your sexual space, sometimes they need to fuck you like you're their personal sex toy, and you'd be willing to do that. Imagine, you're just fucking yourself with that expensive pink vibrator from Paris itself, courtesy to Jay not wanting his princess to be bored, and Heeseung just walks in, trying to find his fitness watch, and sees you fucking your cunt, and smirks, leaning against the doorway, and calls for Jay, even though you had begged him not too, knowing that he wouldn't be too pleasured at knowing that you were fucking yourself without permission. And let's just do an RIP to your pussy that day, what with Jay and Heeseung fucking you, one cock in your pussy, the other in your ass, filling up both your holes. Jay would whisper words into your ear from behind, "Fucking yourself were you, kitten? Without your daddy's permission?" And Heeseung would just smirk at you, knowing that you couldn't see Jay's face from behind. And of course your ass is gonna be red as a tomato, after Jay is finished with slapping it. THEY ARE AFTER CARE KINGS THO I WILL DIE BY THIS HILL. jdjksjsb jay just slowly washing you off in the shower and Heeseung putting on your skincare AND YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP WITH TWO HUNKS WITH YOU LIKE GIRL YOU DONT EVEN NEED A BLANKET TO KEEP YOU WARM.

SeungSung/HeeHoon:Heeseung + Sunghoon

Babe. Babe. BABE. Let me tell you THIS DUO IS FOR ALL MY DEGRADATION GIRLIES. Sunghoon's our main degrader and sometimes Heeseung would join in too, telling you that you are nothing more that just their personal sex toy. Angry sex would be the best with them, because duh? Mr Park Sunghoon of Usa just swearing so much into your ear and Mr "playboi" Lee Heeseung whispering the dirtiest shit ever. Heeseung would allow Sunghoon to go first and just sit back and watch as Sunghoon thrusts into you and all you do is whimper, with your hands ties tightly to the bed frame and your legs spread farther than my expectations (they're too far). Sunghoon, of course wouldn't allow you to cum ("Only good girls deserve to cum and you're not much one are you baby?), Until Heeseung gets up, having been getting off in the corner, and leans over your tired face, eyes almost about to roll to the back. "Shh baby." He would whisper, not wanting Sunghoon to hear him, "Hoonie didn't allow you to cum? Aww it's alright, I'll make you cum until it stains the entire bedsheet." And ofcourse Mr Lee would go in with his tongue, having decided that you had enough cock for one day and he made sure, that he got a taste of heaven that night, giving Sunghoon a bit of it too, afterwards.

JayKe/DoubleJ: Jay + Jake

Ahem. AHEM I COMMAND YOUR ATTENTION FOR THE MOST CONFUSING SEX YOU'LL EVER HAVE. Look, Jay and Jake are both sweethearts when it comes to sex and both of them can be like the most sub doms ever. So I'm thinking about you just domming both of them all the time, calling them your good boys. And I have a tingling that they would be THE SHYEST SUBS EVER like they would just mumble whenever they would want something. “Good boys use their words. You’re honestly pathetic.”, say that sentence and they're dead. They would continue fucking against your thigh, when you wouldn't allow them to fuck you , cocks growing red and even more sensitive. “Faster” You would spit, and they would whine yet obey at your commanding tone, hips snapping against your smooth thigh. Their hips would shake and stutter, and it would only be a few minutes. They would be leaking all over you and throbbing, pretty cocks a mess for you. JayKe are for all my dom girlies. (Who I am in love with please dom my pathetic sub ass)

Jayhoon - Jay+Sunghoon

Daddy kink is kinking saur much with this duo. They would love to spoil you so much like you're their little princess. Even under the sheets, they would treat you so much, making sure your cum lasts long. “Go ahead,” you would nod, when they'd wake you up in the middle of the night, begging to fuck you. Jay wouls start to kiss your neck, while Sunghoon would start rubbing your clit, with you moaning into the pillow. Before you know it, Sunghoon would put two fingers in you, while Jay would put his cock in from behind. “You love when we make you feel good, don’t you baby? You're our good girl aren't you? Our princess?” BAM you're dead. (I NEED THEM SO BAD)

JakeHoon: Jake + Sunghoon

Ah yes, the best friend duo of Enhypen. Honestly my brain is kinda short circuiting at what a threesome with them would be like, because they're the complete opposite of each other (as every best friend duo is lol). If you ever made Sunghoon jealous one day and going home he just doesn't talk to you at all and ignores you and ofcourse our Jake, being the sweetheart that he is tries to cheer you up, eating you out upstairs, without Sunghoon knowing and telling you to keep your moans in. But then again, Sunghoon being Sunghoon finds out about Jake having you all to himself and just sits in front of the bed, watching as Jake pushes deeper into your cunt, while your hands are tied to the bedframe and you're still not being allowed to moan to the point that tears start coming out. "I'm done. Wanna finish her?" Jake would say slowly pulling out and wiping his mouth. Sunghoon would just silently nod and get on top of you, spreading your legs, with his nails digging into your skin. "No cumming till I say so, alright?" He would glare into your soul, making you whimper. And the night would will away withe Jake and Sunghoon taking turns to put their cocks inside of you, not allowing you to cum until you're on your knees, begging like (in Sunghoon's words) their dumb cumslut. (Also meow look at the picture sosndnsjwi)

[patchiko]

Your AK HC were on POINT 👌👌👌 literally everything you said was so right. It was really refreshing seeing this kind of take on AK Jason.

AK Jason is a cat that’s been feral for most of its life and you just gotta approach him gently and be patient 🥺

I also agree… this boi is a VIRGIN 👏 this man had no game and wasn’t even seeking anything (cause 1) his mind is entirely focused on one goal atm and 2) all his trauma 😞 ) he’s prob like a deer in the headlights for any first time physical intimacy wether that’s holding hands or sleeping together (poor baby)

I want to give AK Jason a nice blanket, a cup of tea and his favorite book 🥺 I doubt it would help a lot though. I just want to shower this boi with love

literally jumping up and down. for so long i was nervous to post my takes on him hcishskshd.

psps also i see yall in my inbox dw imma get to you all :]

but your so right, ak!jay is so a feral dog/cat to me. I say dog because of his implication throughout the arkham comics and mainstream ones, that robin to jason was seen as bruces lap dog.

So i’ve always seen AK!jay as a “runner dog.” You know? The type that sees an open door and runs out of the house, wont come back for nothin.

But feral cat so describes his personality, the just standing and watching, and slowly warming up, is so him coded ,, anon ur soOOO right.

nsfw under da cut (light / not detailed :] ) ((also soft and warm hehe))

ill die on this hill,, he had NO interest in sex for so long, barely slipped his mind with training. Only got off to break off steam and he would just take his ass to bed.

and like anon said, even for basic things like holding your hand on his shoulder he gets so tense.

Subconsciously he’s waiting for something bad to happen, for it to be a trick, so it takes a really long time for him to weed those distrusts out :(

luv him soo bad needa hold his hand and feed him food.

his first time hes so quiet and stiff. hes not mentally freaking out, but again subconsciously hes expecting something bad to happen.

he feels like theres something under his skin tingling, the sensation that made him pull back many times before.

but nothing bad is happening, and it takes him awhile to accept that too.

The possibility has never seemed completely unreal to him, but really experiencing that kind of intimacy and love was so surreal to him.

When its over, he’s looking at you with big blown out eyes, and his mind is so quiet, in a good way, but most importantly that fog, that darkness he has felt for so long isn’t there. He feels so real and present in the moment.

He’s touching your skin, actually feeling and processing the way you feel against him, the texture of the cloth you two lay on, and your face.

Falls asleep, doesn’t dream. a peaceful night. he wakes up, the fogs back but he feels a little lighter when he walks :)

ak!jay dealing with everyone (including you and i my friend) thats in his tumblr tags ((link))

my rq are open im so happy people wanna hear me ramble abt his crazy ass fuckdjskbdkssndj !!!

[luvtonique]

Earlier today, a girl shot me a DM thanking me for not listening to people saying Melodi's body shape is unrealistic or fetishy and choosing to double down on her being a top-heavy P-shaped anorexic lanky long-armed twig lady.

She said, I quote, "I look like that IRL, and have the back problems and eating disorders to prove it. I have gigantomastia and have to get breast reduction surgeries to keep them in check [she described a lot of medical problems that come with the tissue growing too much here, too, but I cut it out cause it's pretty visceral]. I saw your post saying you're not intentionally putting representation in your game [like a year old post at this point] and this isn't about representation, it's just something that made me feel good about myself knowing someone finds my weird body shape attractive."

I told her that she is loved, and thanked her, and said that I hope that she can live a fulfilling and good life despite her disease.

She said "Same to you about your arthritis!" and that was that.

Little moments like that are why I make art and why I don't just do "what sells." I was willing to give up a huge portion of my fanbase by not flocking to Twitter in 2018 and staying here on this weird site full of people who regularly annoy me because it's my fuckin home. I was willing to leave the brony fandom after massive success in it. I am willing to receive hate-reviews from people saying my characters are "too sexualized" or that they "don't have enough identity-representation."

When people come along to tell me that something I'm doing made them happy or feel appreciated and loved, or that I helped make the hard times worth it for them, that's what really matters to me. Not filling quotas, not making characters with relatable social issues, not shoving politics or ideologies into my game to "send a message," but just those moments where the occasional person comes along and thanks me for never caving to social norms and continuing to just do the weird shit I love doing.

I love you, weird body shape girls.

Just because God hit "Random" on your body shape doesn't mean you're ugly, weird, gross or unwanted.

You're bootiful.

Also I just gotta be a snide bitch at the last line because this is Jay we're talking about. "But Jay! You'd get SO MANY MORE people coming to you and thanking you if you PUT SOME REPRESENTATION-QUOTA CHARACTERS IN YOUR GAME TO BAIT THEM OUT, LITERALLY SLAPPING THEM IN JUST TO GET BROWNIE POINTS AND INTERNET HUGS AND ACTING LIKE THAT MAKES YOU A GOOD PERSON."

That shit isn't genuine and your sense of feeling represented by disingenuous ideology-bait is as fake and fleeting as seeing a corporation put up a pride flag on their profile in February. They are using you to sell their product and you're praising them for it. I will never put a character into any work I create with the intention of representing a group of people or an ideological belief, because my characters are fictional storytelling devices, not strawmen who serve as a walking wikipedia article for a culture that the media has deemed an oppressed minority group to talk down to the audience instead of talking to the other characters.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Hi!! Huge fan of your work here!!

Been reading a Gilded Cage and the notepad thing gave me ideas since I thought to myself just how specific can we get with what we ask. And more importantly, what kind of ridiculousness can we as the reader put Jay through trying to get what we put down on here.

Here's a list of what I came up with just to either piss him off or get a good laugh at his expression as to why on earth we'd want something so specific and/or strange:

-The second last most recently used Green Latern Corp ring

- All of batman's left silk socks

- Nightwing's phone records

- *Insert very bizzare and niche painting that not even Batman himself knows what it is or where to even find it

- Poison Ivy's least favourite venus flytrap

- All of Damian's battarangs

-And lastly, a kiss from the Arkham Knight

How do you think he'd react to this list?

Also, I really really really love your work!! You and a few other blogs are part of the reason why I've gotten back into writing but I'm too shy to post anything just yet.

Xoxo

Rosa🧸

Hi, Rosa! Thank you! I'm so happy to hear you've gotten back into writing! Best of luck with your work. 💙

Now, allow me to ramble for a moment; anything you write on that notepad is yours. He has a very dedicated team whose one job is to get you your demands within twenty-four hours. And anything they can't get? He does himself.

Batman's left sock? Fine, he has all the codes to get into Wayne Manor, anyway. Green Lantern ring? Whatever, he never liked Hal, and how hard could it be to use one? If you want a specific ring, he'll get it.

Nightwings phone records? Love, he's been monitoring those for months, how far back do you want? A lost painting? If he can't find it, he'll employ someone who can. There's tons of people out there, magic user or not, who have the skills to find it for the right price. It's not like he doesn't have the cash to burn.

Posion Ivy's plants? Easy. If it takes a deal or just telling her it's going to a good home, it'll be yours within half an hour. Damian doesn't really exist in this timeline yet, but for arguments sake, he does? He'll grab them on the way out of the manor with Batman's socks. Or if he's gotta knock the kid out and steal his utility belt during patrol, he'll do that.

A kiss? Well, personally, I'd tell you to be careful what you asked for, but he's going to deliver if you've written it down. The Arkham Knight doesn't bat an eye to whatever you write, no matter how ridiculous it is.

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

That's What Family is For (Part 2)

Fandom: DC, Batman, Batfam, Damian Wayne, Batsis!reader, f!reader Summary: After being kidnapped and offering to take Damian's place to be tortured, you miraculously find yourself waking up back home. Damian has a new outlook on your relationship, but will a secret from your past ruin everything? Word Count: 5231 TW: Hospital, Aftermath of Torture, Mentions of Past Torture, Mentions of Death, Forced to Watch, Crying, Coma, Past Trauma Note: Today is the 2 year anniversary of posting Part 1 of this fic. Thank you so incredibly much for your patience and support as I worked on this and I hope it lives up to Part 1 💖 Part of @ailesswhumptober

Part 1

You have no idea how long you were asleep for, but when you finally managed to drag yourself into consciousness, you couldn’t remember why every inch of your body was in a strange state of concurrent numbness and agony, or why you couldn’t seem to see out of your left eye. It was only when you caught sight of the two casts stretching from the soles of your feet up to the top of your thighs that it all came flooding back to you. 

You and Damian had been kidnapped in an attempt to get a ransom from Bruce. To prove they meant business, the kidnappers were going to torture Damian but you had offered to take his place. What happened next was just a blur of blood and pain: The glint of a large knife. The blunt impact of a bat. But mercifully, you couldn’t remember much else. Just that it had been bad. Really bad. 

You tried to take a mental inventory of what hurt and what sort of injuries you had sustained, but there was too much damage. All the individual pain bled into each other until it just felt like one massive wound. Every breath you took made your chest, ribs, and throat ache, your head was pounding, and you couldn’t move either leg or your left arm. All you could manage was a slight turn of your head as you looked towards the door but even that small motion sent new waves of pain through you, causing a low moan to slip from your lips.

Almost instantly, Jason came rushing into the room, panic etched onto his face. Yet the second he saw you looking at him, his face split into a massive grin. The kind you couldn’t remember seeing on him since he returned from the dead. And despite everything, that sight warmed your heart.

Licking your cracked lips, you tried to speak but nothing happened. Swallowing a few times, you finally managed a barely audible, “Hey, Jaybird.” 

The words sounded funny, thick and slightly lispy but Jay’s smile only widened. He hurried to your bedside and dropped into the chair that had been left there. “Damn, sis. You look terrible.”

You knew he was trying to keep the mood light, but you could hear the tears hiding just behind his words. Giving your best attempt at a smile, you croaked, “Even like this, I bet I still look better than you.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. “That voice though…. They said it would probably be hard to speak for a few days because of the tube and–” He cut himself off, but you knew what he was going to say. Because all your screams of pain had damaged it. 

Swallowing again, you tried to make your voice sound as normal as possible. “Yeah, well, you better be careful. You keep smoking all those cigarettes, this is what you’ll sound like in a few years.”

“Even now you gotta hassle me about those?”

“If you would just quit, I wouldn’t have to get on you about the–” 

Your words were cut off as your body fell prey to a fit of coughing. It tore at your throat like daggers and your chest felt like it was shattering into pieces. It only lasted for a few seconds but when it passed, you were left panting and moaning in pain. 

When you finally managed to pull yourself together once more and looked back at Jason, his smile had completely vanished, replaced with a thin-lipped grimace. His eyes drifted over your broken body before returning to your face. “So… Honestly. How do you feel?”

“How do you think?” you wheezed. “Like someone ran over me with.. with a… wit– oh forget it. I’m in too much pain to think of something clever. I feel shitty.”

“What hurts?”

“The easier question is ‘what doesn’t hurt?’. And why can’t I open my left eye?”

“Alfred taped it closed for now. It looked pretty messed up.”

You nod slightly. “Permanent?”

“Not sure,” he muttered, staring down at the floor. “They had to wait until you woke up to fully assess the damage.”

You nodded again, the dread growing in the pit of your stomach. But you have to know the answer to your next question, no matter how terrifying the answer might be. In a small voice, you ask, “How bad overall?”

Jason hesitated. “Maybe you should wait for Bruce or Alfred to–”

“How bad, Jay?”

Still avoiding your eye, he shifted in his chair before answering. “Bad. The worst of the damage is on your left side. Your arm was dislocated, your cheekbone was destroyed, you’re missing several teeth, and your eye is… well, I already mentioned that. Also, most of your ribs were pretty much shattered and the ones that weren’t are cracked. The pieces punctured your lungs in multiple places. Your legs…The knives thankfully missed all the major arteries, but Alfred said there still might be some nerve damage.”

“Is that all?” You had meant for the question to be sarcastic, but the quiver in your voice made it sound more like a desperate plea.

Jason took a long, deep breath. “It also took eight surgeries, four blood transfusions, and three resuscitations to get you stable.”

“Yeah, that feels about right.” You clenched your jaw tightly as you struggled to hold back your tears, but that just sent a fresh jolt of pain through your mouth. Using your tongue, you gently prod the three new gaps where teeth used to be. No wonder your words sounded funny. 

In a soft whisper, you asked, “I’m done, aren’t I? There’s no coming back from this, not really. Even if I can get back to a halfway normal state, I’m never going to be able to put the costume back on. No going on patrol, no more protecting the city, no more being a hero.” 

A small sob bubbled in your throat. When Bruce had taken you in all those years ago, you were a mess. Every night, you woke up screaming from nightmares—memories—of watching your parents tortured to death in front of you while you were helpless to do anything. You had felt so powerless. But then Bruce told you about his secret life. That he was the man in the mask who had rescued you from that horrible place. And he taught you how to be strong, how to be for others what he had been for you. He had given your life a purpose but now….it had been taken from you just like your parents had been. 

As the tears began to slip down your face, Jason carefully took your hand, rubbing the back with his thumb as he leaned in to stare you directly in your good eye. “Hey, don’t think that way. Bruce was able to come back from a broken back, I came back from the dead, and you… you can come back from this. It’s not gonna be easy and it’ll take a lot of hard work, but if anyone can do it, you can.”

The tears began to flow faster as you finally let the sob you had been holding back free. Squeezing Jason’s hand as tightly as you were able, you cried, “Thank you, Jay. Thank you for everything. I can’t even imagine making it through what comes next without my brothers by my side.”

Jason snatched his hand back from your grasp and pushed back in his chair, his expression growing dark as he spat, “Don’t. Don’t thank me. While you were sacrificing everything for Damian, while you were lying there dying, I was here. Too weak to help you when you needed me most.”

“Jay–”

“I wanted to be there, I did, I just…” His sharp tone crumbled into a near sob as he buried his face in his hands. “I was fine until he picked up the bat. Then it all came rushing back. All I could see was the Joker standing over me with that crowbar and…and I….” His hands muffled his cries, but you could still see the way his shoulders shook as he sobbed.

You had forgotten that they had sent a live feed of your torture to all of Wayne Industries which was probably how Bruce had located you and Damian. Jason never talked about what had happened to him all those years ago in that warehouse, but you had been waiting in the Batcave when Bruce had brought Jason’s body home. You still remembered the bruises and blunt force trauma that couldn’t have been made from the explosion. And you also recalled how the sight of your brother’s broken form sent you into a hysterical fit, not only over the loss of the boy you loved like family but also because it brought back all of the scars from your parents’ deaths. You had felt incredibly guilty later once Bruce and Alfred calmed you down that you had made Jason’s death all about you and your past traumas. But Bruce reminded you that your pain and grief was valid, whenever it hit you, and despite the circumstances, you needed to take care of yourself first or you weren’t going to be able to help anyone else.

Just like Jason needed to take care of whatever horrors he had relived before coming to help you.

It took a lot of determination and concentration, but you slowly moved your hand towards Jason. Luckily, he was sitting on your right side since that was the only arm you could move at the moment, but it still took an achingly long time to close the short distance between you.

As you lay your hand on his shoulder, his head jerked up. When he saw what you had done, his eyes—the blue magnified by the tears about to fall—grew wide. Smiling, you brushed your fingertips lightly across his cheek and said, “Jay, I understand why you didn’t come. There was nothing you could have done and you needed a chance to deal with your own pain. And I’m sorry that I was the reason you had to relive that experience.” 

Jason shook his head furiously and clutched at your hand. “No! This was not your fault! All you did was protect Damian. The only person to blame is that psychopath Moore.” His face darkened. “Bruce better be glad they threw that son of a bitch in Blackgate because if he had gotten away, nothing and no one would have stopped me from hunting him down and putting a bullet between his eyes.”

“See? You are such a loving, protective brother who would do anything for me.” His expression softened slightly. “Besides, you even just admitted. Moore is the only one to blame here. Not me, and not you. So, please, don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m still here and I need you now more than ever.” You squeezed his hand as tightly as you were able and after a moment, he returned both the squeeze and the smile. You nodded softly then changed the subject. “How is Damian handling all of this?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Jason nodded towards the other side of the room.

It took you a moment and quite a bit of pain to turn your head enough so your right eye could see where he was gesturing, but when you managed it, your smile grew wider.

Curled into a tight ball, Damian was fast asleep on the couch on the far side of the room. He looked so small and it reminded you that despite his upbringing, he was still just a kid, which made you feel better about your condition. If one of you had to be lying in this bed, you would have offered yourself up every time.

Jason chuckled softly to himself as he saw your face. “He’s barely left the room since they brought the two of you home. Bruce tried getting him to go back to school the last two days, but he flat-out refused. Said he wasn’t going anywhere until you woke up.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like Damian.”

“Well, I think his actual words were ‘Tt. Father, I cannot be bothered with those trivial lessons while my sister’s fate is still uncertain. I am needed here. Yes, I have a geography test next week, but I have traveled to more countries than my so-called teacher could even possibly name. This is more important.’”

Despite the mocking—though fairly accurate—impression Jason had made, your eyes welled up with tears once more. Damian had called you ‘sister’. It was the first time you could ever remember him doing so. No. That wasn’t true. He had said it when Bruce and Dick had shown up to save them. In fact, the echoing word was the last thing you remembered before the world had gone dark. 

Swallowing hard to clear your throat, you asked, “Um, do you think…Would he be upset if I asked you to wake him up?”

“Yo! Demon Spawn! Wake up!” Before you could stop him, Jason hurled a pillow across the room so it slammed into Damian’s sleeping form. 

The kid instantly leaped to his feet in a crouched position, ready to take on any and all attackers. But he straightened up when he saw Jason’s smug grin and your weak smile staring back at him instead. Rushing to your side, he said, “Sister! You are awake!”

You tilted your head slightly to look at him better. “So are you. Sorry for the rude wake-up. That was all Jay.”

“Hey!” Jason huffed indignantly. “You asked me to wake him up and I did! You just never said how.”

Damian glared at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Yes, Todd has been exceedingly insufferable this last week while you have been injured—”

“W-week? I’ve been out of it for a week?” You felt your blood run cold. You knew things were bad, but for some reason the thought of you laying in this bed unconscious for the past 7 days made your condition seem so much worse.

Jason and Damian exchanged a worried look. Then Jason cleared his throat and said, “Yeah…. It's been eight days since you and Damian were kidnapped. They had to keep you in a medically induced coma for the first five days while they operated. Then when they brought you out, they had to dope you up with so many pain meds that you were out of it even when you were awake. They tried to lower your dose but they had to up them again when they removed the breathing tube and you wouldn’t stop moaning…So, yeah. It’s been a week.”

You let your head fall back against the pillow as tears began to sting your eyes. Obviously, it would have taken you time to recover from that level of injury, but a week? No, actually, eight days. And that was just the start of your recovery. The amount of time, therapy, and hard work it would take you just to be able to stand again, let alone walk or fight, was dizzying to think about. Despite the fact Jason had reassured you differently, you didn’t see how you weren’t done after this. How were you supposed to bounce back?

As the tears finally became too much and began slipping down your face, you whispered, “You all should have just let me go.”

“No!” The ferocity in Damian’s voice startled you and you looked over to see his small hands curled into tight fists as his face bore a determined scowl that could rival Bruce’s. “No. You do not get to give up. Not now. Not now that the worst of it is behind you. You never once gave up while we were captured. Despite everything that sadistic fiend did to you, you fought to protect me. We would not have been in that situation if it was not for me and I will repay my debt to you by remaining by your side to ensure you get through this.”

You stared at Damian for a long time, a mix of pride, adoration, and guilt stirring in your chest. Seeing how he wanted to stand by you and help you through what came next meant the world to you. The Damian who climbed into your car eight days ago wouldn’t have done so. However, you couldn’t let him make such a vow without knowing all the facts.

Shifting your eye to look at Jason, you muttered, “Can you give us a minute alone?”

He hesitated, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and his younger brother, but finally, he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go let everyone else know you’re not only awake but coherent this time. They’ll want to see you.”  

“Thanks, Jay. I’ll have Damian let you know when we’re done.”

He nodded, shot Damian one last look, and left the room. 

Now that you were alone, you carefully motioned for Damian to take the chair Jason had been sitting in earlier and he silently did as you wished…for once. He looked so small compared to the memory of Jason’s hulking form sitting there just moments before and tears once more stung your eyes as it hit you all over again how young he was to have experienced what the two of you just went through. You hadn’t planned on having this conversation until you were a little better, but he deserved to know the truth and not continue blaming himself for what happened. 

Taking a deep breath, you said, “It’s not your fault, Dami. He was never after you. You were only there because of me.”

“Tt,” Damian scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. “You have no proof of that. As you said in that warehouse, I am Father’s blood heir. If anyone was the target, it would have been me.”

You shook your head. “It was my car, Damian. The car I insisted you get in even though you didn’t want to. If I would’ve just let you walk home like you wanted–”

“They could have been monitoring me and adjusted their plans when I joined you in your vehicle. You still cannot be confident–”

“I know Moore.”

Damian blinked in surprise. “Yo–you what?”

You nodded sadly. “I know him. I didn’t realize it at first because it was so long ago and I’ve tried so hard to forget that day, but it was him. After I had passed out from Moore’s torture, they unhooked me from the chains and just let me drop to the floor. The pain of the landing woke me up for just a minute and I tried to beg them to put me back up because I knew otherwise they’d be coming for you, but I was in so much pain I could barely form a sentence. Moore saw I was awake and came to stand over me with that nauseatingly cocky look on his face.” 

You shuttered at the memory of it and knew it was an image that would haunt your nightmares for years to come. But you pressed on. “Then he said, ‘For what it’s worth, you should be proud. You died a lot more honorably than your parents did.’ And that’s when I remembered.”

Tears slipped from your eyes as you allowed all the walls and safeguards you had built up over the years to finally come down and you recalled the night your life changed forever. “It’s been so long and he was just a kid, no older than Tim. But then again, I was even younger.” Taking a deep breath, you looked up at Damian. “How much do you know about my life before Bruce took me in?”

Damian shrugged one shoulder. “Just what I said in the car. Your parents were tortured to death by a gang who left you tied up with their bodies until the police found you. Then when he heard what happened and that you had no one left, Father took you in.”

You nodded and wiped a tear from your eye. “My parents owned a little shop near Crime Alley at the time. It was a hole-in-the-wall thrift store that barely made enough to put food on the table but my parents loved that place. It was their pride and joy so when the local gang came by to demand protection money, they refused. They didn’t want their place associated with gangsters. Which of course the gang didn’t like. We lived in a small apartment above it and one night, the gang broke in while we were sleeping. I was only six at the time and I didn’t understand what was happening. I just knew some bad people dragged us out of bed and into the basement where they tied us all up to chairs. I was sitting between my parents as they begged and pleaded for our lives, but even then I still didn’t understand. Not until one of the men pulled out a knife.”

A humorless chuckle fell softly from your lips. “I guess in hindsight, I should have remembered Moore sooner. The way he tortured and hurt me was very similar to what the gang did to my parents. Just small cuts that got deeper and deeper. Small weapons that got more and more damaging until….” 

A small hiccupy sob slipped from your lips as everything came flooding back to you. Your father screaming in pain as the gang broke bone after bone and cut off his fingers one by one. Your mother hysterically sobbing as she begged them to let you all go. The way those pleas eventually shifted to just begging them to let you go. And then the eerie silence that fell across the room after your mother had taken her last breath. 

Damian took your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It is alright, sister. You do not have to continue.”

You shot him an appreciative smile but shook your head. “No. It’s okay.” Taking several deep breaths to compose yourself, you continued. “There was one gang member who stayed huddled in the corner, refusing to watch as the rest of the gang had their fun.”

“Moore.”

You nodded. “I didn’t know it at the time, but yeah. He had started by anxiously pacing around at the back of the room but once things turned really violent….he couldn’t take it. He tried to run back upstairs but the gang forced him to stay and watch. Said he needed to learn how things were done. And after the other day, I’d say he learned his lesson pretty well.”

“And you are certain it was him?”

“Absolutely. I stared at him through most of it, partly because I couldn’t stand to watch what they were doing to my parents, but also partly because I could tell he was just as horrified as I was and yet he did nothing to stop it. I wanted to scream at him to help us, to do something, but I also was too afraid to speak up. And when they were done and the gang members left, he was the last one out of the room. He looked at me as if he wanted to apologize or set me free or…I don’t know. But instead, he just turned and ran up the stairs. The next time I saw him was when he walked into that room we were both chained up in.” You scoffed as you felt a lump growing in your throat. “I guess we picked up right where we left off, huh?”

The physical damage that had been done to you was hard enough to bear, but now realizing the connection your tormentor had to your past made you want to vomit. Moore may not have laid a finger on you back then, but he had been there to witness the worst day of your life. His friends had been the ones who did the same thing to your parents—only your parents hadn’t been lucky enough to survive. You wondered how long Moore had been planning this, how long he had wanted to finish the job that had been started all those years ago. Perhaps it was some sort of decades-long revenge plot since your parents’ deaths had eventually led to the arrest of most of the other gang members and the collapse of his gang. Or it was possible he just wanted to blackmail Bruce as he said and he thought using you to do it was just a bonus. Jason said Moore had been taken to Blackgate so once you were better, you could go try to get some answers. But at the moment, you weren’t sure if you even wanted them.

You had been so deep in thought that you only just realized that Damian had been silently staring down at your interlocked hands for the past few minutes. His expression was nigh-on unreadable and you were once again reminded of Bruce. Given enough time, support, and guidance, you could see him growing into a man worthy to carry on his father’s legacy. You just hoped he would want you to be around to see it. 

You wouldn’t blame Damian if his attitude towards you reverted back to how it was before all of this happened. After all, he was put through hell because of you. He had warmed up to you solely because you had offered yourself up to be tortured instead of him—yet he never should have been there in the first place. Maybe this would actually make your relationship worse. Maybe Damian would cut you off completely. Maybe—

“Sister, I cannot imagine how hard this realization must have been for you and I…I am sorry.”

His voice cut through your internal spiraling and you blinked in surprise. “Wh-what?” With all the scenarios you had swirling around in your head, hearing Damian apologize had never even crossed your mind. “But Dami you’re not…mad?” 

Now it was his turn to look surprised. “Why would I be mad?”

“I’m the reason you were there. I thought once you knew the whole story and realized that, you would hate me for getting you dragged into everything. Or at least–” you dropped your gaze down to the bed “–at least I thought you’d go back to not really liking me.”

“Oh…” The small boy shifted in his chair. “I can understand why you may have come to that conclusion but knowing your history with Moore does not change how I feel about what you did for me. You saved me long before you remembered who he was or your connection to him. And even that still does not prove you were the one he was after, not me. I am the youngest and, as such, am perceived to be the most vulnerable and incapable of protecting myself—Tt, though in reality, it is Drake who fits that description.” 

You smiled as you shook your head. Tim would disagree with that statement, but Damian’s point was still valid. To those who did not know of his past upbringing or training, it would be easy to dismiss him as a young, spoiled, entitled brat who never had to lift a finger his entire life. But they couldn’t be farther from the truth. Despite being a kid, Damian had already experienced more than 90% of people would in their lifetime. Hell, when he was the same age you were when you watched your parents die, he had already been training for years with the League of Assassins. Moore had just gotten lucky when he grabbed the two of you: if Damian hadn’t woken up hurt and already chained up, he probably could have incapacitated every one of your kidnappers. 

Damian continued. “Regardless of who the target was, it does not change the fact you volunteered yourself in my place when they wanted to take me. And despite the pain you were in, you tried to hold on as long as possible so I would not be forced to take your place. How could any other detail matter except my sister loves me enough to die for me?”

The lump in your throat got bigger until you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You managed to nod your head quickly and repeatedly as you choked out, “I would. Because I do. I do love you, Damian.” He stared down at the floor, shifting once more in his chair as his fist tightened around yours. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. You knew how hard it was for him but you could see he wanted to say it and that was enough. So, squeezing his hand back, you whispered, “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”

His shoulders dropped with visible relief and he gave you a small, grateful smile. Then, in a tiny voice, he muttered, “But I do though.”

It was the final straw. Tears began flowing down your cheeks as a small cry burst from behind your lips. There was a sharp pain in your chest as you disturbed your injuries, but it seemed unimportant at the moment. You tried to control yourself as much as possible, knowing emotions and displays of affection bothered Damian, but it was all too overwhelming. For so long you had tried to get him to at least tolerate you, but this? This was more than you ever dared to hope for. 

Damian sat quietly as you took a moment to compose yourself. Despite the added pain you incurred from your crying, you couldn’t remember feeling this happy in a while…..or this worn out. Now that you had cleared the air with Damian and everything was better than expected, you realized how much you had been struggling to stay awake. 

Another wave of exhaustion hit you and it took almost everything you had to murmur, “I know Jay said everyone was waiting to see me but I think….I think I need to rest for a bit. Could you ask them to wait until I take a small nap?”

He nodded. “Of course, sister. Whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Dami.”

You expected him to leave but instead, he squeezed your hand hard and looked you dead in the eye. “I mean it. Whatever you need. You will heal and things will return to normal. And I will be by your side for all of it.”

You smiled up at him, fighting to keep your eyes open. “Thank you, Dami.” 

He laid your hand gently back on the bed before standing from his chair and walking to the door. He glanced over his shoulder at you one last time, nodded, and then disappeared.

With no reason left to hold on, you let yourself collapse back into the bed as you gave into the darkness that was dancing on the edge of your vision. 

And as you felt yourself being pulled under to unconsciousness once more, you couldn’t help but smile. Despite everything that had happened and the long road to recovery that lay before you, you had a father and four brothers who loved you and would be by your side through all of it. Because at the end of the day, that’s what family is for. And you were so thankful to have found this family. 

Taglist: @zebralover, @itzagothamcitysiren, @roses-and-ricex, @blackpearl2324, @po55um, @missborntodiex, @hypnobanditprofessorhorse-blog, @an-ever-angry-bi, @rukia-uchiha-98, @shipsforlif3, @dumb-fawkin-bitch, @hyding-out-here, @555hikaii, @nik2blog, @thefictionalcharacterssimp, @venomsvl, @sugarysweetsandpainfulteeth, @your-friendly-neighborhood-al, @hellfire-fan-club

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

@leonardalphachurch ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE (in reference to this post)

Donut thinks his fursona is a red wolf, all handsome charm and roguish double’o’donut vibe but NO he’s a collie to me, specifically a rough/scots collie— he’s pretty he’s fluffy, he does good work but theres nothing behind those eyes affectionately. Also he likes to be told when he’s a good boy DOING A GOOD JOB

Grif… would not make a fursona for himself, but I think Kai makes one for him a-la garfield (fat orange cat) and he appreciates the Iconic humor of it at least and u know what i do think kai is right in the cat aspect but more maine coon less garfield (still fat tho /pos)- the kind of big lazy cat that make you do a double take bc like is that a big house cat or a bobcat, ya know?

Simmons does not Want a Fursona thank you very much he’s not Weird (tm) I'm telling you, he is a chihuahua. Puntsized ball of anxiety that bites and thinks its meaner than he is(but still pretty capable of being a mean little bastard, just,, not as big of one as he thinks)

Sarge Knows his fursona is a bald eagle. Bc its American. Patriotic! Sounds like a red hawk! Even better! He’s a pitbull— big brick of a head, mean reputation, but he’s a protective kind of caring at heart and u know he’s got that Iconic pittie grin

Lopez is hard, honestly, and if you asked him youd either get No Answer, or something thrown at you i think but like his fursona is like transformer mech bullshit that no one ever wants to draw and if you commissioned it you get like 20+ complex design additional charges because the rivets have to be 100% accurate and if they arent he would Know, its not even a fursona really at this point its just a cool mech body he wont ever build bc he doesnt trust anyone else to not fucking break it but emotionally its his fursona - the fursona I assign him is a remote control warthog, bc im sorry dude but i cannot give you a proper fursona to save my life my brain just refuses to do it so, goofy shit it is

SHEILA is, wonderfully, a sea turtle. Specifically i’m partial to a leatherback for her just for the scale factor alone but just the vibe in general of just,, seat turtle fits her idk how to describe it. In character, i do think she would misunderstand the assignment and just be like “oh! Im a Scorpion” bc thats the casual term for the M808B main battle tank in halo

Church(A), like simmons, REFUSES to even Consider it (epsilon considers it a Lot okay, theta’s got some cool design concepts but keep it on the dl bud) but i think he’s gotta be idog from the early 2000s. But like an edgy one the kind that were born of 12 yearolds traced over google images of the normal ones and recolored into Original Characters (i think their shape is based on beagles iirc??? Or labs), but yeah those things. If pressed, epsilon auto answers wolf but in that asshole way that sounds like he’s being a dick about it but no thats his actual answer

Caboose is a great dane. He’s just Great like that!! Yay! Friend shaped, really not used to being uhh mindful of his size and strength but loyal and protective ya know?? He's the only one who i think would correctly clock his own fursona on the first try

Tex would claim something badass like a tiger or something, but she’s like,,, a mockingbird :) i mean it IS the state bird of texas, and well... shes not a mockery of anything but she isnt the og either, ya know

Tucker claims a fox, because he’s sly and bitches Love foxes but to me?? Bluejay. Brightly colored, loud, mean little corvid asshole. Too damn clever for his own good- i would also maybe give him peacock or kingfisher if feeling more like,, flamboyant but he just feels very jay to me. maybe its the corvid bastard thing, or the bluejay in my backyard choosing the tree by my window as prime screaming spot for 6 am yelling for like a month but the vibe is there

Kai has so many furry characters. With the worst application of color theory known to man but somehow it works for her brand??? Sparkle dogs man, the woman is made for making sparkle dogs!! If i assign her cat to match grif, it'd specifically the kind of like bengal, this cat climbs walls kind of cat you know?? Zoomies all day every day! BUt i think more accurately to Kai as a person? Raccoon. Mischief and little grabby bastard hands and she would love it

Washington, if asked would shrug and say probably a cat bc u know, nine lives and all that- no. Im sorry cat wash truthers I respect cat wash, but nah Washington is a dog boy to me im sorry and specifically he’s a little Jack Russell terrier thats fast and vicious but man sometimes u gotta remember he’s like,,, he’s smaller than a cat man you gotta give him some help ya know?? Dont make him do it alone!!!

.......Or a horse i dont know how to elaborate on that one just,,, trust me

Carolina is oblivious to the concept of fursonas almost entirely, but she’s a greyhound and you know im right

Locus is genuinely the hardest one to place and i dont think he’d come up with a fursona for himself, but he gets assigned wolf by Donut i feel it, the whole lone wolf thing he has going and all during his redemption! Which honestly???? Maybe yeah? An argument could be made for another working dog (HELLO German Shepards my god) (context here: i had a german shepard/corgi mix, he was my lil guy, he was too damn smart for his own good and patrolled the back yard fence up until he couldnt keep his hips underneath himself anymore and then! He! kept! trying! So yes that does influence my input on german shepard locus) i just struggle to see locus as a dog???? Dogs are very high energy which -gestures to red team- but locus rarely has that same baseline energy i associate with dogs??? He’s hard to pin down and i’ve yet to manage it but im partial to something arboreal,,, the first thing that comes to mind on that train of thought is a binturong and i lost it imagining that so sure we'll go with that i have a lot of thoughts about locus

Felix wouldve loved the energy of being like the lucky cat with nine lives. I personally dont care for felix, but he would be that guy with like, its not a proper fursona bc he wouldnt b caught dead calling it that, but he has a fursona for scamming people and driving up the prices on auctions for no reason other than to fuck with people when he's bored. I subscribe to weasel/ferret Felix personally, specifically a yellow bellied weasel bc theres just,, honestly the name amuses me with the implications. He’s difficult to catch and handle, energetic and gets into shit no one wants him getting to. It fits

Doyle is a mouse, maybe MAYBE a rabbit, he doesnt know what fursonas are either but he just checks the mouse box for me personally,, very holdable, but skittish and might still bite you if u scare him bad enough

Dr Emily Grey does not have a fursona but she does think theyre neat and has let her patients all give her one, tho none of them agree on what she is. I think she's a shrike, specifically a great grey shrike! they're VICIOUS little birds, who dont look like much but they regularly hunt shit twice their size and are also known for impaling bugs on thorns and like, barbed wire?? theyre neat, and technically i think they count as corvids? clever little hunting machines

Kimball is definitely a german shepard tho like while im on the fence about it for Locus, there is no question about it for her she checks the boxes fits the vibe right down to the way she guards the new republic and chorus with her heart just under her sleeve

Sharkface. Shark. I mean….really. SPECIFICALLY THO a tiger shark tho, and he would absolutely be a dick if you implied a great white or a megalodon would be “better” bc no tiger sharks are exactly the kind of shark he should be thank you VERY much

thats everyone i have STRONG fursona assignment feelings for, and some are more flexible than others or more solid in some cases but YEAH! i think about this shit. a lot sidebar: i think the chorusans who know and are open about fursonas would probably use weird alien animals from chorus when picking them which makes this harder for them specifically bc the ones who would have fursonas arent limited to earth animals

all images are from the wiki pages for the animals! except for lopez. thats from the amazon page for the warthog

[imjustwritingg]

Other than wanting to wrap Hailey in cotton wool and give her the biggest hug, how are you feeling/what are your thoughts after last nights episode?

This turned into an unofficial review of sorts and it got rather long, so I’ll post it all below the cut for those that want to read my thoughts.

I might be in the minority here, but I really enjoyed the episode. I kinda loved it actually, and it might be one of my favorite episodes. I enjoyed everything about it…the writing, the directing, the acting.

Gwen Sigan wrote the episode, but I gotta give her credit where it’s due because it was pretty damn good in my book. It reminded me a lot of her writing days prior to her becoming show-runner and I miss those days so very much.

I think the tidbits of Hailey’s past are coming way too late, but I still really enjoyed getting to peek into her life a bit more. Just wish we could have gotten more of it along the way and not three episodes before the character is gone.

I loved Kevin’s blatant callout to Hailey in the first minute of the episode of how she’s dealing and if running is helping her. He asks this question of “how are you doing…really doing?” with no words and just one look, and then we’re given the answer by Hailey deflecting and avoiding yet again under the guise of wanting a sugar fix. I think that was brilliant. It conveyed everything you needed to know about Hailey’s mental state in one short moment.

No Voight in the episode was such a gift.

Hailey being in charge and leading this particular case was the right move and she handled it so well. I’m bummed we probably won’t see her leading her own unit someday.

Also back to the no Voight thing just for a moment to say that it’s interesting to see how the dynamic shifted with the team versus him not being around and Hailey being in charge. The team felt lighter to me, like in the sense that they weren’t on edge, walking on eggshells in a way. Everything just felt calmer. There was still an intensity and an urgency to solve the case, but rules were followed, there was no off the book cowboy bullshit, and it felt like everyone followed Hailey and trusted her, whereas with Voight they were obeying orders that were barked out to them. I don’t know. It just felt really different and so very satisfying to me.

I love Kevin and Kim’s ability to communicate with one another with just one look between them. Makes me think of the early days of them being partners and being on patrol. They still work so wonderfully together.

This case was sick. A mother doing that to her own child is demented. Where these writers, and Gwen specifically, come up with these ideas is beyond me, but someone should probably do a wellness check on her. Like girly needs some serious therapy and R&R.

Josephine Petrovic. I had some hesitation with her at first as you usually do with a new character as you try and suss them out, but I’ve gotta say, I like her. I like her and I hate that I like her and I hate that she only just came onto the show because I would love to see what happens with her if she were to stick around, but I can’t watch this show without Tracy or Jesse — mostly Tracy — but neither of them? I just can’t do it. I have some other thoughts on Jo, but I will save them for another ask I received.

I obviously saved the elephant in the room for last…Jay. I really don’t think the mentions and nods to him in this episode were “bad” in any way because it’s stuff that has already been said about the character…Gwen’s version of him at least, but I do think there is a reason why he is being brought up and why there are so many nods to the marriage. Hailey insisted she wasn’t angry with him in the premiere. She signed the divorce papers, sent them off, and that was that and she washed her hands of him. Except she didn’t. Because she is angry, she hasn’t moved on in the year and a half he’s been gone now, signing the papers didn’t give her any closure…hell, even him signing the papers didn’t give her any closure, (I will die on the hill that he only signed them because it’s what he thought she wanted). I personally do not think she will get any closure whatsoever if she doesn’t have a conversation with him, if she doesn’t confront him and all of it head on…the anger and resentment and confusion and the love that is still there. You can’t turn that shit off. You can’t just push it away and be like, “okay, I’m done with you now, goodbye.” Life doesn’t work that way. Emotions don’t work that way. Grief sure as shit doesn’t work that way, and I feel like that is the stage Hailey is stuck in right now. Grieving the loss of Jay and her marriage and stuck in a limbo that she doesn’t know how to navigate on her own while dealing with childhood trauma that she actually isn’t really dealing with at all. And she is without a doubt on her own. That is the one thing that has been made clear this season. She has no family, not any friends other than co-workers, and right now, she doesn’t have Jay. I respect the “independent woman, gonna stand on my own, I don’t need anyone” mindset, but I don’t agree with how we got here and I also don’t fully agree with the notion that she doesn’t need anyone because everyone needs someone. You can’t do life alone. You need someone in your corner, someone by your side, someone who gets you in ways you don’t even know yourself, and for Hailey, that person is and will always be Jay Halstead. I think she will realize she needs to get out of Chicago like her brothers, like Jay, like Will, and I hope that wherever she ends up, Jay is there waiting for her and the two of them can just start over without Chicago and their past looming over them like a dark cloud. And for the love of God, let them both go to therapy…together and separately.

Brenna Malloy directed and it was just…perfect. True cinema if you will. The close-ups of the actors’ faces during certain scenes and how the camera would pan to them at just the exact right moment for a reaction, the no background noise and intentional pauses during scenes that allowed moments to feel heavier and more real, the ending shot of Hailey and her teary eyes…I feel like it was a story that was so delicately handled and crafted by Brenna, and I’m just really impressed.

Tracy Spiridakos. I mean, what more even needs to be said? The woman is a powerhouse. It always amazes me knowing how much of a goof she is on set and then you watch an episode like this and it’s just like…WOW. Her range of emotion and the way she makes you feel every single one of those emotions is truly something that needs to be studied. You cry with her, you smile with her, you laugh with her, but the biggest thing is you feel for her character, and I think that is something that not all actors are capable of doing with an audience. Tracy knocks it out of the park, across the highway, into the next town every time, and her execution is consistent every time as well. No one is doing it like her, and I love and respect the hell out of that woman and her talent.

I think the same also needs to be said for Bojana Novakovic. I have been surprisingly impressed by her and kind of adore her. I’ve really been enjoying the character of Josephine Petrovic and I hate that she’s only coming into the show now right when Tracy is walking out the door because Bojana alone is incredible, but her and Tracy together? It’s like magic to me. Their chemistry as scene partners and the way they bounce off each other is absolutely insane, and then their ability to pull you in and keep you locked in…ooof. I think it’s something special and I’ve really enjoyed seeing them together on-screen.

As for how I feel…

I feel good? Okay? The episode didn’t do much for me in the grand scheme of “what is Hailey gonna do” or “what’s gonna happen” because we already anticipated her leaving Chicago. That wasn’t ever in question. But the actual reason for Hailey leaving is still muddled to me, even more so because she hasn’t resolved anything in her life. She still has these demons, a past filled with trauma she hasn’t found peace with, she has no closure with Jay, she has questions and zero answers, and she is already and literally running from her problems.

So, is she supposed to leave Chicago and start over somewhere and her problems are just gonna go poof? Magically disappear? Because that’s not how that works, and I think that would be yet another injustice to the character and more lazy writing. I do think the episode (finally!) laid the groundwork for Tracy’s exit, but it should have started in episode 1, not 10. Tracy gave them an entire season to wrap up Hailey’s story, and I feel like they wasted so much time and it’s gonna be another rushed exit once the curtain falls. It’s not that I’m surprised in that regard, but I am disappointed (again!) especially considering how much of a fuss Gwen made about “it’s so generous of Tracy to give us a whole season.”

If Gwen’s plan was to make Hailey’s exit about her family and her childhood trauma then the seed should have been planted long before now, and Jay shouldn’t still be a sore subject for her. I think we’re in for a really emotional ending to the season, not just for Hailey, but for the first time since season eight I’m actually looking forward to a finale again.

In conclusion and a very long story short…I loved the episode, but Gwen Sigan is still on my shit list.

[sagesparrow394]

Headcanons for if JRWI characters ended up on the QSMP (aka Just QSMP With it)

Continuation of this post and this post! Other posts about this AU are on my blog under the tag #just qsmp with it

I think Chip is initially resistant to cooperating with the Order and the other islanders’ resistance against the Federation. He’s too concerned with just getting his ship fixed and trying to leave the island, making that his priority over whatever is happening on the island. It’s only once it properly sets in that there is no feasible way of leaving as long as the Federation is in control that he agrees to formally join the Order. He’s the last of the Riptide pirates to do so, Jay joining pretty quickly, and Gillion being recruited by Etoiles after expressing a keen desire to help free everyone.

While Gillion helps Pomme train and teaches her fighting skills, Pomme would absolutely return the favour by teaching Gillion French. I also think it’d be funny if Gill was inexplicably really really good at picking up the language. Bro’s almost fluent after a single month, able to have full conversations with Etoiles in French as the two spar.

Jay and Jaiden definitely become friends. Is this partially because their duo name would be Bluejay and that’s too good to pass up? Maaaybe. But I can see Jaiden initially trying to befriend Jay because hey, another woman, we’ve got three now! Girls gotta stick together! (going off the idea the Riptide crew arrive before the frozen islanders are thawed). And then they just bond further over their shared experiences with loss and grief. Jaiden’s death in Purgatory hits Jay pretty hard.

Runt doesn’t get recruited to the Order, she forces her way in. She tails someone and finds the secret entrance, spies in on a meeting or two, and then confronts Cellbit like “I know you’ve got a whole resistance thing going on, and I want in.” And so, not counting the eggs, she becomes the youngest member of Ordo Theoritas. Her first action after joining is to upgrade the Order’s security systems, making it more Cucurucho-proof.

Blink is recruited by Cellbit to the Order after Cellbit learns of his sheer power of bullshitting his way into places. Blink is specifically tasked with bullshitting his way into the Federation workforce. I mean, so far the only spies in the Federation are Fit (just a janitor), Foolish (playing both sides), and Cellbit (basically just a pawn Cucurucho likes to play with). Luckily, thanks to his powers of bullshitting and the Federation’s fondness for birds, Blink successfully is able to get the position of an A-Rank worker, becoming a vital informant for the Order (rip Blink x The Overseer, Blink x Cucurucho is the new ship /j)

At the end of Purgatory, Troy doesn’t leave Egg Island, choosing to stay behind for his egg Hope. Runt tries to convince him otherwise, but Troy just screams “I CAN’T FUCKING LEAVE HER”, refusing to move. Blink drags Runt away, both heading to the boat without him. Troy ultimately joins Baghera and Cellbit as the killers of Purgatory 2, developing a closer friendship with the two of them and exploding strangers with an extra super duper cool sled provided by the Watcher. Then Hope, Pomme, Richarlyson and Philza arrive on their rescue mission. Troy can’t help but feel a little hurt Runt and Blink don’t come too, but buries those feelings deep down. I mean, what was he expecting from the guys who left him to fight 28 guards alone, right?

[goldenavenger02]

hope the skin heals where the pain enters

(Happy Dragons Rising season 2 part 2 release day! For those asking "how did you get this written SO fast", I watched the leaks when they came out but waited to post this UNTIL it was out officially. Friendly reminder to support the official release if you can! And now, on with the story!)

There were pieces of steel still in his hair.

As he gently pressed his hand against Lloyd’s body to help maneuver him onto the awaiting stretcher and blood seeped from his skin into his glove, all he could focus on were the stage lights catching on the flecks of shards tucked into his blonde hair.

There were pieces of steel still in his hair.

As he gently pressed his hand against Lloyd's body to help maneuver him onto the awaiting stretcher and blood seeped from his skin into his glove, all he could focus on were the stage lights catching on the flecks of shards tucked into his blonde hair.

Cole knew that it was because focusing on how ruthless and bold Zeatrix had been with her blow or the shallow breathing coming from the still bleeding chest of his teammate would result in tears that he didn't want anyone to see.

When the security bots lifted the stretcher and he heard a sharp inhale coming from Lloyd, he couldn't stop himself from reaching over and pulling one of the shards out of his loose, green headband, holding it tightly in his palm.

He couldn't bring himself to move until a familiar titanium hand rested on his shoulder, forcing him to look up into bright, artificial blue eyes that were full of the same worry he could feel wrapping around his chest.

"We should return to our quarters," Zane's suggestion was gentle as he prodded Cole's shoulder gently to move him away from the bloodied ground under their feet, "I am confident that the medical bots will alert us when they have an update on Lloyd's condition."

He wordlessly led the way to their sleeping quarters, unable to stop himself from walking over to the shrine Nya had made before she had left and looking up at the pictures of Kai and Jay as he knelt down, setting the shard on the table.

He knew that if Kai had been here, he would be the nervous wreck; he would be the one nearly ripping his hair out with worry, even if it was after he had gone to Zeatrix and delivered her a piece of his mind; with all of the trouble that they had gone to in order to stop Wyldfyre from fighting Cinder, Kai would have been unstoppable against Zeatrix.

But if Jay had been there, he would have lightened the air of dread with some sort of really bad joke or teasing at anyone's expense; it wouldn't even have to be that funny, but it would be something to break the tension.

The last thing he wanted was to put Lloyd's picture in between Kai's and Jay's, but that fear didn't stop him from pulling his lighter out of his pocket and gently pressing the flame to one of the sticks of incense until it caught, the warm smell of smoke slowly starting to fill the corner he was kneeling in.

"Cole?"

Cole turned his head, feeling his guard drop when Geo knelt down beside him and pressed a water bottle into his palm before letting his hand rest on his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Geo offered and as much as Cole wanted to, the angle of his turned head allowed him to see Wyldfyre, Sora, Arin and even Zane with the same looks of worry on their faces that told him that he wouldn't be able to break right now.

"I can't," he admitted as he took a sip of the water before looking away from the others and back into Geo's eyes, "I gotta take care of these kids."

With that, he started to pull himself to his feet, only to be stopped briefly by a gentle hand on his wrist, "take care of yourself too."

"I will." Cole insisted before fully standing up and walking towards Sora, keeping his voice low as he approached, "hey, Sora."

Her loud sniffle, followed by her wiping her face on her arm, before she made eye contact with him pulled at his heart painfully, "hey, I just…I'm trying to figure out tomorrow."

"Your next fight?"

"There aren't a lot of people left in the competition. Frack's powers are all correlated to his abilities and Nokt is incredibly powerful, not to mention the fact that they are both helping Ras; if Lloyd is able to continue competing and they put me against him…" Sora sighed as she looked down at her feet, "I don't even know how I got this far in the tournament."

"Besides the fact that you're a badass?" Cole offered, waiting until she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, "you doubt yourself a lot, Sora, but you have gotten further than all of us except Lloyd, which is saying something since we've been in a tournament like this before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, except this one has rules that the host actually follows," Cole elaborated, "my point is that if anyone is going to win this thing, it's you. If you have to go against Frack, I know how the workarounds to earth based powers and if it's Nokt, we'll come up with a strategy with Zane."

"And Lloyd?"

"I already had to watch two of my best friends fight on opposite sides, I really hope Roby doesn't pit you two against each other."

"I've been thinking about that since we returned to our quarters," Cole nearly jumped out of his skin by the sudden intrusion of Zane's voice as he sat between the two of them, "and I have run the possible scenarios through my database. There is a sixty seven point nine percent chance that Lloyd and Nokt will be pitted against each other, due to their very powerful skill sets at their base level that has only been amplified by the addition of elemental powers which will result in a twenty percent increase in audience entertainment levels."

"But what if they pit me against Lloyd?"

"The likelihood is much lower, it's a thirty two point one percent chance, but including the fact that Lloyd is your master and the engagement from the fight between Nya and Jay, the audience entertainment levels could increase up to eighty percent."

"So it could really go either way." Cole sighed in defeat that was only added to by Zane's nod followed by one word.

"Precisely."

"I hate this," Sora shuddered, tears falling down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away, "Nya and Riyu are gone, Arin won't talk to me, and now Lloyd is really, really hurt. I just want all of this to be over."

"Yeah, me too, kiddo."

"I know everyone says that ninja never quit…" she trailed off in order to pull a sniffly inhale, "but I really feel like quitting right now."

"I know that you feel hopeless but forfeiting the tournament now, especially if Lloyd is unable to fight tomorrow, would be catastrophic to our reasoning for coming here."

"Zane's right," Cole agreed, reaching over to gently squeeze Sora's shoulder, "we have to find out who is killing the matriarchs and what they are using their horns for."

"This isn't helping me feel bet-" Sora mumbled, but was effectively cut off by the sound of the door opening followed by two of the security bots making their way into the room.

"Can we be of assistance?" Zane offered as he stood with Cole and Sora doing the same and Cole's feeling of unease returned just as quickly as it had been momentarily forgotten.

"We have been given orders to ensure that Zane and Cole follow us to the medical wing in order to receive information about the injured member of their team."

"What about the rest of us?" Arin's question was the first time Cole had heard the teen speak in hours, briefly making him wonder if Sora wasn't the only one on the receiving end of his silent treatment.

"I apologize, but the only ones allowed inside of the medical wing are adult team members. You will have to wait here for the information to be relayed to you."

Cole waited for a protest from the three teens, but was instantly relieved when Geo spoke up instead, "let's get you three some dinner ordered. I don't know if you've had it yet, but the Merlopian spring rolls are to die for."

As the two security bots led Cole and Zane outside, he couldn't stop himself from looking back at his boyfriend and the three distracted teenagers, but the wink that Geo gave was enough for Cole to allow himself to focus on the task at hand.

Making sure Lloyd was okay.

…

In a way, he was thankful that Arin had pulled him away from the arena after Sora's fight.

Cole would be more than happy to go the rest of his life without seeing another person he loved deep within a coma and even though he was quickly swept up into yet another fight, it prevented him from going back to the room filled with tense silence and suffering.

In fact, it was that adrenaline that he found himself engulfed in, that kept him realizing that Lloyd was 'awake and alive and standing' until after he had pulled Bonzle into a very tight hug, unable to stop himself from muttering "thank the master you're okay" just loud enough that she could hear it.

Which made the calm he settled into after failing to find Arin all the more unsettling; in any other circumstance, he would have gladly taken the chance to just relax on the couch with Geo's head on one shoulder while he firmly wrapped the other one around Bonzle as Fritz and Spitz recounted everything they had been up to while they had been staying at the monastery with Frohickey.

He so desperately wanted to keep his focus on the elaborate but more than likely exaggerated story he was being told, but his mind kept going back to Lloyd.

The sword shattering on impact, knocking him off of the high platform from several feet onto the ground with a thud. The harsh coughing and his eyes fluttering open with a squint before they closed with a groan. Geo's hand resting softly on his shoulder as he watched over Lloyd and gently wiped away the blood and sweat with a sponge, his stomach twisting painfully as he listened to the sharp, painful breathing escaping from Lloyd's battered chest.

Standing over his teammate, the teammate he had known since they were sixteen and nine, and once again unable to do anything to help, feeling as though he was thirteen again and slowly watching his mom deteriorate until she too fell into a coma.

'Lloyd woke up,' he tried to reassure himself when he felt a squeeze on his left hand from Geo that brought him back to the two yawning storytellers, 'Lloyd's going to be okay.'

But when Bonzle got up with an "alright, you can talk our ears off tomorrow," as she ushered Fritz and Spitz to their room, Cole wasn't able to shake the unsettled feeling in his gut.

"When was the last time you checked on him?" Geo prodded, using the opportunity to sit up and brush some of the raven-black hair behind Cole's ear.

"Before Sora's fight. After that, everything got really chaotic; now Arin's gone," Cole stopped to rub a hand over his face before turning to Geo with a sigh, "and I don't know how I'm going to even approach that."

"In my personal experience, starting with a hug tends to work."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right," Cole muttered as he stood, only stopping to turn around to hug Geo quickly along with a quick kiss on his cheek, "I'll be back, okay?"

"Just make sure he's okay."

And with Geo's insistence, he walked out of the living room and into the hallway of the monastery to start looking for Lloyd.

He should have known it wouldn't take long to find him; even in the short period since he had returned to the monastery, it wasn't lost on him just how much time Lloyd spent outside deep in meditation.

But when he got closer and noticed what Lloyd was holding, he couldn't help but swallow nervously: he knew when he went to check on him that his worry and regret for how that final battle went being at the forefront of his mind was a strong possibility, but being face-to-face with it still made him aware that how he approached the green ninja would have to be very careful.

"Hey, buddy," Cole settled on, trying his hardest to keep his demeanor calm and collected in order not to further set him off despite the instant jump and turn that his voice caused, "you doing okay?"

At first, he didn't get an answer as he looked down at the stone floor; but the look on Lloyd's face, which was twisted tightly with guilt and worry, spoke for itself.

And when he finally managed to speak, the crack in his voice made it very clear to Cole that he was using all of his remaining energy to stay composed, "he's gone. I don't know why he believed Ras, but he did. Now he's gone, all because I failed him."

"Lloyd-"

"And I don't know what to do. Sora, Riyu and Wyldfyre, they're all looking to me for answers that I don't even have. I don't even know where to begin looking for him or if I want to bring everyone into that or just go-"

"Lloyd, take a deep breath," Cole cut off his rambling, "it has been a really long couple of weeks and I know you want to find Arin so you can make things right, but all of us need a couple of days to breathe and to rest."

"Y-you're right," Lloyd stuttered as he looked down at the photo frame clutched tightly in his palm, "I know that, but at the same time…I want to find him before Ras has a chance to further manipulate him. We saw what he did to Jay."

Cole swallowed down the memory of Jay's glowing red eyes after he used Shatterspin, not wanting it to cloud his judgment, "you have to finish healing, Lloyd. That hit and the fall, it was a lot."

Sure enough, Lloyd's hand drifted upwards to his shoulder over the bandages that had been wrapped tightly around him in the aftermath of his fight against Zeatrix.

"Come on," Cole offered, holding his hand out for Lloyd to take, "let's get you checked over and in bed. It's been a long day."

"I thought I was the master of the monastery." Lloyd said with a light chuckle as he put down the picture frame before taking Cole's hand so he could get down the step before he gently wrapped his arm around him.

"You are, but even masters need someone to look after them," and for a brief moment, Cole was reminded of watching with worry at every unexpected movement that Wu would make after he had been found, "now let's get those bandages changed."

[fangirlfrom-hell]

Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead sister

Request: Hey! Could u do some sort of imagine of when halstead sister (becca or not:) sees pat halstead die. Obviously they’re relationship was a lil Distnat but he had a soft spot for her..blah blah blah. Basically just like Jay having to literally force her out of the room while she’s sobbing and screaming etc. lots of fluff and whatever!

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠

There was a siren, and soon the sound of two car engines parking in the garden indicated that her brothers had arrived.

-"He's in the living room, he can't stand up!" Becca whined going outside of the house, approaching to Jay and Will.

-"Ok, what happened?" She was so stressed she didn't even know who asked. She was now following her brothers inside of the house. Everything was happening so fast.

-"He--uh--he had a pain in the chest and fall down the stairs".

-"I told you not to call anyone!" Pat's angry accusation was heard from inside the house.

-"I know dad, but--He didn't want me to call 911, but he looked so bad that at the end I did anyway. But he yelled to the paramedics, made them go".

-"I'm fine!" Their father insisted with annoyance when his two sons and daughter got to the living room, where he was laying on the couch. Immediatly, Will ran towards the man to check on him. It was obvious that he was having trouble breathing and he was sweating a lot.

-"No, you're not!" Becca raised her voice: "They said he should be taken to the hospital as soon as possib--".

But her father raged before she could finish: "That's enough! Shut up now, Becca".

In a sudden movement, Jay positioned himself protectively in front of Becca and pointed at Pat with his finger, his voice stern: "Hey, you shut up! She's your daughter and she's just trying to help you".

-"Jay!" Will scolded him, it was not the moment.

Scared and crying, she lowered her voice: "He--he refused to be attended and made them go away".

-"Yes! I refused to go and you shouldn't have call your brothers!" He coughed and his doctor son made a sign to calm him down.

-"I didn't know what to do!" Becca cried out to her siblings, mostly explaining herself to Jay.

-"You did good in calling us, Becc". Will reassured her. -"And you are comming to The Med with me". He turned to threaten his father.

Will and Jay carried Pat to one of the poorly parked cars outside the house. "I'll take him. I can turn on the siren and get there faster", Jay ordered. Both brothers placed their father inside the truck, all the while he cursed his kids for what they were doing.

-"Hey! Take care of her". The detective nodded towards his sister, who was freezed in the framedoor of the house entrance.

-"Becca, come on! We gotta go!" Will called her at the same time that the siren sounded, and the truck sped away.

The road to The Med was silent. Will was frowning in concern while driving, thinking on what to say to make Becca feel better. There were tears welling up in her eyes, though she never let them truly escape; she wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweater, trying to keep her brother from noticing. He understood how she was feeling. Dealing with Pat was hard and emotionally draining, especially for Becca, who was just a teenager and had to face his insults and neglect all on her own. No words were necessary; he simply reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze before refocusing on the road.

By the time they arrived to The Med, Pat had already been admitted and Jay was standing up in the waiting room. Will wasted no time and immediately entered the ED to inquire about his father's condition. Jay and Becca just stared at each other and he gave her a sad smirk before hugging her. "You were so brave back there", he said.

-"Will hasn't sent you any text yet? It's taking too long" Becca faltered after an hour.

-"He'll be out as soon as he has news". He wished to reassure her that everything would be fine, but his certainty wavered.

Those were the only words they exchanged while waiting. A few minutes later, the head nurse arrived and ushered Jay to his older brother's side. Maggie, with a warm smile, ensured that Becca wasn't left alone and sat down beside her.

-"All I can tell you is that he's in stable condition. Delicated, but alive". Maggie grumbled noticing the teen's anxiety growing.

-"Good". She answered curtly. -"Or whatever". She tried to appear indifferent, but she couldn't completely hide her concern. Pat had been neglectful and offensive to her throughout all those years of upbringing, but he was still her father, the only parent she had left.

Maggie was about to say something when a beep on her phone interrupted her. She clicked her teeth as she read the text. "Come on, I'll take you to your brothers, sweetie".

The Halstead brothers were inside a tiny, empty room, both pale with expressions that were hard to read, but it was obviously nothing good. Jay frowned and pressed his lips together as soon as he saw his little sister coming in; there was this pinkness under his eyes noticeable whenever his eyes were watery. Will sighed and invited her to sit, but she refused.

--"Alright, I'll get straight to the point," the redhead exhaled. - "Dad had a heart attack..."

-"That's what I suspected," the girl interrupted, emotionless.

-"Becc...his heart stopped; he was gone, but Dr. Archer brought him back. This is worse than the last time. Much worse."

-"Oh. Ok, but he is alive". That came out sounding as a question.

-"He's stable for now, yes." He gazed deep into her eyes, and it felt as though he had pierced her soul.

-"What does that mean, Will? Is he going to be okay?" She shuddered.

Silence.

-"Will..."

-"It's uncertain, Becca." Jay joined the conversation to help. "Doctors are still working on him, conducting tests. We still don't know how serious this is. Anything could happen..."

She finally sat down, sniffing.

-"I know this is hard, but there's nothing we can do, but wait and pray". The doctor concluded.

Neither of the siblings moved from their spots; it was as if they had become frozen in place, as if time itself had stopped. Will's phone disrupted the solemn atmosphere: "He's awake".

Jay walked alongside Becca, following Will to the section of the ED where their father had been admitted. Pat lay on the hospital bed with oxygen to assist his breathing, surrounded by numerous cables and machines. He raised his hand when he spotted his sons and daughter entering, but Will hurried to signal him not to make any effort. Becca stopped abruptly, and Jay had to give her a gentle nudge to encourage her to enter. He squeezed her shoulder to let her know he was right there with her.

She felt confused, her emotions all jumbled together. Was she feeling this way because, not so deep down, she was worried and scared for her father? Or was she afraid of how he would react after being brought to the hospital on her account?

-"You wouldn't believe me, but I'm glad you three are here," Pat interrupted Becca's thoughts.

-"You shouldn't be talking--" Will rushed to his side.

-"I don't think it matters at this point, son," their father struggled to reply. Will shivered upon hearing how he was addressed.

-"I know I--I've been an idiot," he groaned in an attempt to sit up but failed.

-"Dad, don't--"

-"Will, please... just let me--" He sighed. "I've been an idiot. And I need to apologize to you before--."

At that moment, Becca started to cry uncontrollably, and Pat noticed her precense as if no one else was in the room: "...specially you". He conffessed looking at her right straight to the eyes. She had never heard such sweet tone on his voice before. After a few seconds of contemplating her, he smiled with teary eyes.

-"Come here, Becca."

The girl turned her head back to look at Jay, as asking for his permission and he nodded encouragingly. She slowly walked to the bedside but didn't dare to approach too closely.

"Look at you, my beautiful baby girl", he sighed. -"You resemble your mother so much. Oh, she will never forgive me. I think I will never forgive myself. But I hope you do... for your own sake". He struggled to catch his breath with each word he pronounced. "I know I've got no excuse. I was so hurt when your mom died, I couldn't even take care of myself, and you were so little and reminded me so much of her that I couldn't---I couldn't even look at you. It was too late when I tried to compensate for it with you, I couldn't even try". Pat confessed, his voice filled with sadness. "I regret it so much, to have seen you grow and become who you are from the distance, uninvolved. I wanted to be for you, but I didn't know how to go back to you...".

Will got distracted with one of the machines and focused on reading the signs from it.

-"I'm sorry, Becca. I am so sorry, sweetheart. For everything. I'm proud of you, know that. And even if you don't believe my words: I love you".

Becca was weeping as she got closer to take his hand.

-"Alright". The doctor said with a lump in his throat. "Enough emotions for today. Dad, you really need to rest now".

But he didn't listen: "Keep taking care of her, Jay. Promise me that".

-"Always". The detective answered simply, taking a step forward, his arms crosses.

-"I'm proud of you both too. Despite me, you've grown into fine men."He turned to his sons: "My boys". A violent coughing fit overcame him and all the machines started to make a sound, indicating that something was wrong. After a hard pain in his chest, Pat loose consciousness. Everything happened so fast.

-"Dad!" Becca yelled, still by his side.

-"What's going on, Will?" His brother jumped.

-"You have to clear the room!" He gently tugged at Becca, trying to pull her away from the bed, but she hesitated. Jay hurriedly joined her side, attempting to separate her from the scene. Suddenly, they found themselves encircled by a team of nurses, led by Dr. Archer, who were speaking rapidly in a whirlwind of medical terminology that Becca and Jay couldn't quite comprehend.

Jay persistently pulled his sister, but it seemed futile; she clung to the bed, sobbing and screaming for her dad, refusing to leave his side. Her distress was palpable, and Jay's efforts to move her proved challenging in the face of her deep emotional turmoil.

-"Jay, take her out of here!" Will pressured.

Jay knew he had to take drastic action to get her out. With tears in his own eyes, he firmly hugged her from the back and started pulling her harder, as he would do with any other victim at work. Her resistance made the process challenging, the girl's sobs and screams reverberated in the room. Come on, come on, Becc, he kept repeating.

The vitals monitor indicated that the patience heart had stopped, the sound it made as an announcement was like a dagger in the Halstead siblings. Doctors kept working, trying to resucitate him, and Becca gave up fighting her brother.

-"No!" She screamed long. If it wasn't for Jay, she would had fall to the floor. "I love you too, dad. I love you". She cried out.

Jay lifted Becca firmly into his arms and managed to pull her out. She clung to him, her cries muffled against his shoulder. Her grip was tight, and her protests were heart-wrenching, but Jay remained unwavering. She couldn't even hold herself up, so they both sank to the floor and settled in the hallway, where he cradled her even closer. She buried her red and tear-streaked face in his shoulder. He began to sway gently back and forth, as if he were soothing a baby.

-"It's all right, it's all right. Take it out" his voice was both comforting and broken. -"I'm here by your side, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered softly as she kept bawling.

-"I should have called you earlier," Becca blubbered, her voice filled with guilt. "Or somehow made him go in the ambulance."

Jay gently separated her from him, noticing the wet patch she had left on his t-shirt. He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his gaze: "Hey, this is not on you. Don't you even think about it."

Defeated, Will emerged from the trauma room and spotted his siblings in the heart-wrenching position they were in. Jay glanced at him with questioning eyes, and the doctor simply shook his head in response, conveying the grim news without words.

Jay kissed Becca's hair and took his head back to close his eyes finding his own solace. Quietly, Will sat down beside his brother and sister, sharing the grief.

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

Okay so time for me to dump my thoughts on the Underworld Saga because I am going insane and tbh I'm not sure how coherent this will be because my brain is mostly keyboard smashing.

The Shades: "When does a man become a monster? 558 men who died under your command. CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! Why would you let the cyclops live when ruthlessness is mercy?"

Okay so the harmonies of the Shades are amazing! But also this whole bit is just so... haunting. The call back to Just a Man and Ruthlessness does something to me. Could you imagine being screamed at by the ghosts of everyone you've failed? Also Jay confirmed that the shades in this song are just repeating their final thoughts in life. They drowned begging for their Captain to help them and died wondering why he failed them. This probably fucked Odysseus UP.

Odysseus: "I keep thinking of the infant from that night. I keep thinking of the infant from that night."

I swear I can hear the PTSD in his voice holy shit. Also Astyanax's music box motif being played in church bells in the back. I never would have noticed it if not for Jay's behind the scenes videos but knowing it's there makes this bit so much better.

Odysseus: "Polities..."

I was not nearly as wrecked at this bit until I saw this post mentioning that Odysseus quiet little "Polities..." is a mirror of Polities strangled "Captain..." when he died and now I will never be the same.

Odysseus' Mom

I am not exaggerating when I say I cried during the watch party. Everything about this is heartbreaking. His mom was thinking about him in her final moments. "Odyssues when you come home I'll be waiting" except she wont be. The shocked defeat in Odysseus' voice with "I took too long...". He's right there in front of her, but her shade just doesn't register him. They are so close physically yet still separated by death. Also the fact that Jay's mom voices her that is so sweet omg.

The change from "Here in the Underworld the past seems close behind" to "But in the Underworld your past is always close behind."

STTAGKDUKFUTAATUFOUCOUXGJXG

THE STRINGS!!!!! AND THE PIANO!!!!

Tiresias' voice is so haunting omg

Mason absolutely NAILED prophet who is constantly being shown everything all the time at one I love it sm.

The lyrics in this song are just.... so good. And the foreshadowing is top notch

Jay's voice acting for Odysseus' is also great in this.

The distress and frustration in "We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of hells. Now you tell us ur efforts are for NOTHING?!" and the absolute anger in "WHO!?!?!" (Its you, Ody. See your about to go through a complete change in morals about 5 minutes from now and become a completely different person).

THE DESCENDING ORGAN FOR THE SECOND CHORUS MY JAW DROPPED

Jorge don't think I didn't notice the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hellfire, vibes at the end I see you.

This is my favorite song released in Epic so far and I am not normal about it at all.

The GUITAR! THE ELECTRIC GUITAR!

For those unfamiliar and being dragged along this nonsense post, Odysseues character is associated with the guitar. The acoustic guitar is when he is softer, kinder, and more "human" while the electric guitar represents him at his most brutal, ruthless, and "monsterous". This song is his turning point to which he is done being merciful. He will do ANYHTING to get home.

"Oh Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves..."

Really taking Poseidon's lesson to heart there.

Odysseus: "AND IF I GOTTA DROP ANOTHER INFANT FROM A WALL IN AN INSTANT SO WE ALL DON'T DIE? THEN I'LL BECOME THE MONSTER! I WILL DEAL THE BLOW!... SO WHAT IF I'M THE MONSTER?"

Ayrsgstusigxjgsutaut holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Play this back to back with Just A Man for some psychic damage. What an end for Act 1!

[squarebracketsmileyface]

The gender exploration fic officially has a name now :D

It's gonna be "My Girl, My Girl, My Girl (You Will Be)" because Tim's Girl, Jay Will/could Be (eventually, they're working towards it slowly 💀) or just MGx3 (cos MG times 3 lol) for short because that's a bit of a long name and I really can't be bothered to write it out a bunch of times all the time but yay :D

I'm planning out the plot outline and chapters at the moment, which is going vaguely well, tho I'm trying to keep some kinda storyline behind it as well as it just showing what Tim and Jay get up to in their free time through August to December (cough cough their sex life through that time period). Figuring out how to keep the MH side of the story rolling is a bit tricky, because looking at the actual, irl entries, not a lot actually happens in those four months 💀

Like, Tim and Jay fight over that tape and stop working together. Jay tries to attack Tim in his home and gets ziptied. Tim goes to Benedict hall and hoody helps Jay escape. Jay goes to Benedict hall. And then it's entry 80 and Jay's dying.

Like. So little happens across all the entries uploaded, but I don't want to give them much less time and just have it that the entries were uploaded really spaced apart after the events in them happened all at once, because I wanna write a whole bunch of smut for them lol. I gotta give Jam an excuse to not just go straight to Benedict hall pretty much immediately, because like, currently? What's stopping them? Literally nothing. They could go there halfway through August and still be as well prepared for it as they were in actual MH.

They probably did go earlier than the entries were posted in irl MH didn't they lol. But I need them to have those four months to be all happy couple together, I need itttttttttttt. I also need them to have those four months so Tim can learn a bit about IIAB and knock some sense into Jay's dumb little "woe is me I am nothing but the victim" brain and set him on the road to realising that what he did was very not okay even if he genuinely thought he was in the right/doing that Alex wanted him to do even at the sacrifice of his own comfort.

COS THAT'S A THING TOO, so much of Jay's pushiness and all that in IIAB came from a place of him genuinely thinking he was doing something for Alex rather than subjecting him to it.

It feels like such a fine balance to make sure Jay isn't irredeemable. He's not malicious with anything, he's just scared of losing people by not giving them what they want, and scared of not knowing what to do to not lose someone new.

Was it stupid for him to try the choking thing with Tim when the first time he tried it caused the breakdown of his and Alex's fwb relationship? Yes. It was so fucking stupid. But Jay was scared and hey either it was going to be fine, or it'd drive Tim away rather than letting him be the one to leave and Jay was still rather in the mindset of thinking Tim would leave him at some point and he couldn't stand the thought of that. It'd be much less painful if he drove Tim away.

He still kinda thinks that honestly.

Doing that kinda thing to get what he wanted from Alex had worked and been 'fine' every time up until Jay actually put himself in harms way with it. So like, he didn't exactly put two and two together while he was freaking out a bit with Tim.

Also with how it went with Alex that last time, Jay was still vehemently ignoring that he was even somewhat at fault for that fwb relationship ending. Sure he knew he'd done something wrong, but he refused to figure out exactly what and actually think about what that meant for himself. Alex never told him what he did so it was a lot easier to blame Alex and hate him rather than actually look at himself and his actions. It was also easier to think of it more as Amy taking Alex away from him, or poisoning Alex against him than to think that he was actually the reason for Alex finally telling him to fuck off.

No one wants to think they've done that. No one wants to think maybe they pushed for something someone doesn't want to do a little too hard, and really really hurt that person who they care about deeply.

Then there's the whole thing that a lot of what Jay did in uni, he also wasn't super comfy with? He was just so completely convinced it was what Alex wanted because of all their previous interactions. Then he got it so in his head that when Alex said he *didn't* Jay just couldn't wrap his head around it and assumed Alex was making *himself* uncomfy in order to try and cater to Jay's crush on him, and Jay much preferred being uncomfortable himself than making Alex uncomfortable.

And that's what he saw it as. He saw it as him sacrificing his own comfort for Alex's a lot of the time. Like, yes. He enjoyed the rougher sex and all that and they had a lot of times that I haven't actually specifically written where they just had fun with it and enjoyed it a hell of a lot. Most of their uni relationship wasn't bad. Most of their uni relationship was just kinda fine. Not great, neither of them were completely happy with it, but it wasn't the level of toxic that it could be all the time.

[good-to-drive]

now i'm curious as to which beatle songs are your favorite kdbfkdb (maybe per member? :0)

Oooh this is such a fun question!! Thank you for asking :D

I actually did put my top 10 beatles songs on here once and got some surprisingly ragey comments because I only had two by Paul, but I think the fandom has evolved a lot since what I call the post-Get Back era. Or all those people have me blocked now. But I’m pretty sure they got burned out and switched to an easier fandom.

Per your suggestion (and to avoid hurt feelings), I’m just going to list my top five by each Beatle. It’s kind of in order, but there are so many ties and my opinion changes so fast that it’s really not tbh.

Obligatory disclaimer that my taste in music is shit.

PAUL:

1. Eleanor Rigby

2. Let It Be

3. Mother Nature’s Son 

4. Blackbird

5. I’m Looking Through You

I remember being really sick once and listening to Mother Nature’s Son on loop for ages… that song is like a hug for your soul. 

JOHN:

1. I Want You (She’s So Heavy)

2. Tomorrow Never Knows

3. Norwegian Wood

4. Across The Universe

5. In My Life

I don’t know what my top ten beatles songs are anymore, but there’s a good chance that most of them are by John. He just tickles my brain in a way that's hard to describe....

GEORGE:

1. While My Guitar Gently Weeps 

2. Blue Jay Way

3. Love You To

4. Within You Without You (I genuinely like this song I’m so sorry)

5. Here Comes The Sun (I genuinely like this one too but idk if that’s considered cringey these days)

My toxic trait is that I’m not a big fan of Something. I’ve got nothing against it, I just never find myself listening to it. Hey, George, you wrote a song called “Something”? Well, how about writing SOMETHING ELSE? -> me if I was John Lennon in 1969 and also a bitch. So, just me if I was John Lennon in 1969, I guess.

RINGO:

1. Octopus’s Garden

2. Octopus's Garden

3. Octopus’s Garden

4. Octopus’s Garden

5. Octopus’s Garden

Although they don’t technically count, I’ve also gotta give some love to With A Little Help From My Friends, Good Night ❤️, and Yellow Submarine – the last of which I have actually heard him sing live and it was SO cool (though at one point he tried to shout out the name of the city and he got it wrong….?)

(I know this isn’t a tag game, but I’d sort of like to see yours @peaceloveandstarrs @georgegirltm @geriatricfool 👀) (no pressure of course)

[melpcmene]

I feel like I gotta put a lot of headcanons I have for Jay on here, mainly to organize what I see, etc. as I love this silly sarcastic man. ( This silly smol ninja ) Who currently has my heart. ( If this gets too long, then the rest will be underneath a read more! ) and link this on my pinned post, because i need to have a place for all these headcanons!

001. Jay's tolerance to heat is pretty amazing, considering his whole life was being raised in not only a junkyard, but a junkyard that was located in a desert. He's familiar with how to dress in order to protect his skin in the desert too. That and he is familiar with dust storms. He rarely complains about the heat. Which is probably??? a surprise to others who are often used to Jay complaining. ( But he'll complain for the fun of it, just in case! ) Oh, and I should add that Jay is 5'4''. Small. But he's 5'5'' with lifts on.

002. Pre-Pilot. Jay often gets severely self-conscious around Cole and Zane. Because it used to be just him at first. ( As learnt from the Wiki. ) He never technically thought himself as special since Jay grew up in poverty and often got bullied by those who were the same age as him. ( Because children are going to be just that, children. ) I'd expect Cole was the second one to join, and Jay just happened to get self-conscious around him, seeing him as someone who happened to be more better than him. Afraid of pushing him away, Jay started slow until eventually Jay was getting used to rambling to Cole. The same can be said with Zane, though Jay did think Zane was quite the weirdo when Zane arrived. Obviously not knowing what Zane was at the time. His self-conscious got better in the end, confident in his abilities as their training continues.

003. Jay is not afraid of heights. ( Hell, he did a one-handed handstand on the tallest building in Ninjago City. His elemental comes from the sky! Jay is practically in his element when it comes to heights. ...Pun intended. ) He's climbed a lot of things, including the big piles of junk in the junkyard. Not an ounce of fear in a guy like him.

004. Jay has trauma. It's mostly centered around Skybound. ( Because of Nadakhan. ) And I like to delve deeper in that season, pondering on what happened in those months of his capture. ( Because the others cannot make a zeppelin in a single day nor a week, along with improvising themselves and learning how to speak like a pirate. ) And despite Nadakhan's weakness in the end with the Tiger Venom and wishing that the Tea of Tyrahn was never found, Jay cannot forget what happened there. The timeline has changed. But you know what hasn't changed? Muscle memory of torture. Jay can get more than a punch now. He was in unfair pit fights with the other sky pirates, being held back by a ball and chain. It was made to break him. Nadakhan wanted to break him. Yet Jay kept going no matter what for his friends in order to save them. I do consider that since Jay does remember that his body still has various scars from the ordeal. But more faintly? Still considering that one. Plus he did have eye trauma. ( Because what is the point of giving Jay an eyepatch?????? To just match with what he saw in his future? Hahahahahaha-- no. ) Yet now that things were reverted, Jay had both of his eyes. But one of them is slightly darker than the other. But like a florescent light, it happens to flicker like one when Jay is charging up with lightning, using his powers. As much as I love heterochromia, and fuck, I do. I really like this idea more, as Jay's elemental is also just connected to it.

There's also a bit of trauma centring around Cole's almost death. When you witness your best friend fall from such a height and you can't do nothing about it but cling to the ladder? That fucked him up. Honestly, there's a bit more trauma that is centred on death too. He hates losing people.

005. Jay's an inventor, duh. But did you know that Jay's inventions are filling up a warehouse? Half of them are probably unsuccessful, yet Jay has not technically scrapped them, meaning he'll end up coming back to them at some point. Inventing is part of him, part of his lifestyle. He knows his stuff. He has the right equipment to also repair Zane if necessary, considering that Jay knows Zane's blueprints to heart. Jay is a big nerd over blueprints. Also a big nerd over Cyrus Borg's inventions too, or any big inventions. He's a nerd for a lot of things. Including model building too. ( And old model trains. ) And even games. Because this man is a gamer. He loves his horror games and classic games. His first game???? Probably Pac-Man. He's an arcade nerd too.

006. Jay is a lover for music. ( His genre is mostly indietronica along with rock bands. ) But he's also a lover for true crime. If he's working on something, you bet he has his earphones in, listening to either a true crime podcast or softly head-bobbing to the rhythm of the music blasting in his ears.

007. Jay hates spiders. He isn't entirely scared of them???? It depends on the size! If it's a teeny-tiny one, then that's tolerable. If it's massive? He's screaming for Cole to get his butt in here to crush it. As ever since dealing with the Venom Tiger. ( Yes, it's a spider. Not an actual tiger. Jay was surprised too when he had to go face to face! ) Jay cannot stand certain types of spiders. So someone definitely needs to take care of it for him.

008. Jay can get lightning scars, which often fade over time. His body can tolerate lightning strikes. And his body ends up being a lightning rod sometimes. If they happen to be in a lightning storm / electrical storm and Zane or Pixal is there. Jay is their lightning rod to protect their circuits. Yeah, it hurts. Because he may be immune to being killed by lightning, but it still hurts. And his lightning scars casually appear down his back, sometimes down his chest and a little on his neck, mostly on the back of his neck as it runs down to his back.

009. Jay ends up ripping packets with his teeth. Why?????? …Why not? He stops sometimes when he gets stares. But ends up doing it again. He rips his candy packets with his teeth. His crisp packets with his teeth. Sauce packets? Say it /w me! With! His! Damn! Teeth!

010. His school experience hasn't been good. But Jay is happier now with where his life is leading him. Cole, Zane and Kai are his first friends. Cole is his first best friend. And to find more friendship in Sensei Wu and Nya and Lloyd. But when he didn't have friends, Jay had Mr Cuddlywomp. His second friend, and a great cuddler. His first friend was an attempt to make one with scrap. It did not go well.

011. Chores is something that Jay hates. He practically cleaned the entire haul or the entire ship when he'd been captured by Nadakhan. Constantly sweeping/mopping while his body was still sore from fighting. Often not, Jay tries to avoid chores, making excuses or get Zane to do them.

More will be added. As this will likely get updated!

ver. lost but not found. ( these headcanons are more focused on what happened after the merge. aka agent walker. )

001. It's been multiple years since the merge happened, and it's been multiple years since Jay had no memory of who he was or what he happened to be. ( It was shocking to him to find out that he had powers, that's how far his amnesia goes; he had no idea of his elemental abilities. ) The Administration has shaped him, becoming more serious in terms of nature. Though his sarcastic quips is strong and sharp on his tongue, more than ever. But no matter what, he cannot remember who he was, even when he was working all those years. He may feel something/anything for a short time, then it disappears or blurs away and Jay fails to chase after the memory. His back hurts. ( He's need a good massage as he's been sleeping on chairs for too long. ) There's shadows/circles underneath his eyes. He's tired. He's done with this god damn job, but it's not like he can escape.

And now and again, Jay wishes someone would find him, if that person knew of him.

A few habits/quirks Jay has gained.

He has an itch to tinker, so he starts tapping his fingers on the desk. Of course, he bats away the thought and thinks it's ridiculous.

Is very serious about the fridge rules, and will get pissy. Unlike Jay before, who gets sarcastic and will eventually shrug it off.

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! He needs his coffee! It's either black coffee ( with a fuck ton of sugar in it. or a long-length coffee order. )

Hates ties. But he has to wear one.

Talks to himself more often than he should. He's just feeling so lonely, and sometimes the other agents cannot fill that void.

Shocks himself sometimes during his sleep due to unfamiliar dreams/nightmares. Often not, he just shocks himself awake and ends up not sleeping the rest of the night.

Doodles on forms that he ain't using.

Has memorised most of the forms/paperwork/codes for the sake of the job. However, he hates it. It hurts his brains.

If he tries to remember too much, he'll get a bit of a headache, which puts him in a mood.

Has a bitch-resting face. If it looks like he's glaring? Either he is, or that's just how he looks like. Remember, Jay isn't the same thanks to what has now happened.