#jason being in a relationship at that point would be a fucking disaster for everyone involved

[varpusvaras]

Sometimes I have a good-natured laugh over how I ship jayroy. It's either a) in an au where I fully and more importantly, willfully ignore most of the canon in order to be funny, or b) in an au where both of them are +25 years old and have their shit sorted out and where I might ignore some things because I disagree with the writing choices made by DC on a metatextual level and disregard them as incomprehensive horseshit

[bi-bats]

so intrigued by ALL of those titles 👀 tell me more about “the couch” please?

adkjfalksdf didn't expect that to be the one everyone wanted to know about so I'll tell you about the reason I started writing this fic since I just posted a snippet of it!! (and if you want to ask about one of the others feel free)

(...and I'm going to put it under a read more, because it got much longer and more personal than I expected it to be)

So, I used to have a couch that was... horrible. I bought it with my ex during covid with our unemployment money since we needed a new one, and it was a disaster start to finish. It was the wrong color, it was small and too low to the ground, and it was horribly made.

But also, he always sat down on it too hard. And I always told him he was sitting down on it too hard and that one day, it would break. And then the next day, he would sit down on it too hard, and I would tell him the same thing.

And one day, unsurprisingly, he sat down on it too hard and one of the center beams broke. He blamed it on the couch. Which was not necessarily false, it was not built to last, but it wasn't the whole truth. He also strained it until it broke by refusing to be aware of his own actions.

Obviously, this was also representative of our relationship as a whole. We had been together for 5 years, and in January of 2022, I broke. I finally managed to get out of that relationship (not for lack of trying, for the record). It was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

But I still had the couch.

It was ugly; it was obviously broken; it was uncomfortable to sit on. Friends would comment on it being uncomfortable, tell me I needed a new one (not unkindly, but still). And I knew I needed a new one. There were many factors in me not getting a new couch for a while, including plans to move in with a friend that fell through (we were going to pick one together) and plans for my own future that fell through (not getting into the phd programs I applied for, which was a gift in disguise) and generally recovering from being in an abusive relationship.

But every time someone pointed it out, I got mad about him all over again. I hated having the thing, and I hated that it was broken, and I hated that it reminded me of everything that had been broken in our relationship and how he essentially treated me as carelessly as the couch. And ALSO, I'd always hated it!! It was supposed to be RED!!!

So, in May of this year, I bought a new couch. The new one came before I could get rid of the old one, and for a week, I had both couches in my living room. My new couch is fucking gorgeous and I'm obsessed with it, by the way:

It felt so good to see my beautiful new couch, the one I got to pick for me, the one that I unpacked and assembled (okay, screwed the legs onto, but you get the gist) and moved myself, next to the ugly reminder of a shitty situation, and know that it was going to be gone in a week.

And in that week, I started writing The Couch. It's obviously very different from what I just wrote about if you saw the snippets, but the gist is that there's a busted, broken, fucked up couch in Jason's safehouse that he won't get rid of and Tim doesn't understand why, because he doesn't know about the memories attached to it.

It's sort of self-indulgent but it's cathartic and sweet and soft, and it was what I needed that week. Hopefully, it won't read like me pasting my feelings onto it, but I think it has a heart of its own.

Alright, sorry that got so long and personal!! Thank you for the ask and sorry that this DEFINITELY wasn't what you were looking for when you asked this, and feel free to ask about a different one if you want. Regardless, thank you for giving me a space to get this off my chest 💕💖💚

[tryingahandinholdingapen]

oh, you want to know why I report to the fucking Batman?

got a new fic yall! as may be hinted at by the title, this time it’s a DC fic. canon doesn’t exist except when it does, apologies in advance for that and also the fact that this is basically entirely a long monologue from Jason Todd as Red Hood to the Justice League. you can read it on ao3 if you want, at this link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44645986

or you can read it here on tumblr, below the keep reading bit!

hope you enjoy :) I had fun with this one; made myself laugh

here’s the summary first though:

There is a pause. “Looks like there’s no more League business today. Can I tell that long story now? Why I, a very evil villain, am reporting to ‘the fucking Batman’?”

You may be forgiven for thinking this was leading towards certain secret identities being revealed, or a discussion of Red Hood’s past, or even of Red Hood’s relationship with Batman, truth or lies. You would be wrong. It was not.

They’re in the middle of a Justice League meeting up on the Watchtower when suddenly the blank screen on the wall flickers to life.

To show a Gotham villain, sprawled across a chair in a dimly lit room, armed to the teeth and looking casually at the camera. It seems to be a live stream. It’s usually safe to assume that a villain wouldn’t hack into an extremely secure location to show a livestream of themselves talking to heroes without it being some sort of extreme threat or disaster, so people tense, ready to react to some new danger when the villain starts to speak.

“Batman,” says the fucking Red Hood of heads nonchalantly stuffed in a duffel bag, “why do you always miss check-in times? You get on my fucking ass for not giving appropriate reports but I can’t fucking report in unless there’s someone to report to, a’right, I’ve got limited time before someone questions why I’m missing.”

What.

Why would the Red Hood be reporting to Batman?

“Hood. I’m busy.”

Red Hood snorts, a sound weirdly distorted by his voice modifier, and rolls his head to the side that is very clearly the same gesture as a sarcastic eye roll. batman does not react to this at all. Why is he not reacting to one of his villains hacking the Watchtower, claiming he failed to check-in, and then sassing him? Also, wait. They’re responding to each other. This isn’t a livestream but a fucking video call? Can Red Hood see the League right now? Can he hear them?

What the fuck is happening, everyone thinks silently, staring at the exchange before them.

“What the fuck is happening?” Someone says, out loud.

Batman sighs, like he’s had a very long day and the people around him are unexpectedly and unreasonably making it much longer. He does not answer.

“Well,” drawls the Red Hood, which answers whether the villain can hear what’s happening in the most secure hero base they have, what the fuck, “I am trying to give my weekly report, but some people’s inability to mind their own business, and other people’s fucking inability to mind basic responsibilities” - a pointed shift of body language to face Batman’s direction, who is now stubbornly ignoring the screen - “is making that very. Difficult.”

They have so many questions.

“I have so many questions,” says someone, possibly the same League member as before, “starting with: what? who? why? how? what are you doing, who are you reporting on and to, why on earth is a villain reporting to the fucking Batman?”

They can’t see Red Hood’s expression of course, with the helmet, but the way he suddenly straightens up from his sprawl, before leaning forward towards the camera, hands bent against his legs and a tad worryingly close to his holsters, screams ‘malicious delight’ and maybe ‘surprised glee’.

“Well,” he starts again, in much less of a drawl but more of a sharp, cleanly cut tone, that isn’t distorted nearly as weirdly by the modifier but sounds much less ‘I am threatening you’ and more ‘the threat has already come to pass, and I am quickly but cheerfully informing you of your incoming demise’. He is cut off abruptly.

“It’s a long story,” says Batman. “We do not have time to delve into that now. We need to plan the upcoming raid, and then I need to take Hood’s report and deal with it appropriately.”

A notification flickers to life on another screen, near the opposite side of the room. Everyone glances at it. Red Hood leans further to the camera. Can he read the screen from wherever he is? The notification informs them that the enemy they had been about to plan a raid against has already been defeated by the local hero of that city.

They turn back to the screen showing Red Hood.

Red Hood turns his attention back to them.

There is a pause.

“Looks like there’s no more League business today. Can I tell that long story now? Why I, a very evil villain, am reporting to ‘the fucking Batman’?”

-   -   -   -   -

You may be forgiven for thinking this was leading towards certain secret identities being revealed, or a discussion of Red Hood’s past, or even of Red Hood’s relationship with Batman, truth or lies.

You would be wrong.

It was not.

-   -   -   -   -

Red Hood has grabbed a glass of some sort of drink, from somewhere. Nobody quite sure where, they didn’t see him pick it up from offscreen and there is nowhere shown onscreen it plausibly could have come from. They’re also not sure why he’s grabbed the glass. It’s not like he can drink with the helmet on, and he doesn’t seem at all inclined to take it off. Mostly, he’s using the glass to gesture as he begins to speak.

“As I’m sure we all know, Gotham is really fucking weird.” 

Someone snorts and begins to say something.

Red Hood raises the hand with the glass, and points a finger of that same hand at the screen.

“Shut up. Do not interrupt me. I managed to get past enough of the security at your pretty little tower to talk to you like this, do you really think I didn’t get into anything more....dangerous to you inhabitants, at the same time? Do you want to risk it? I am going to speak, and you are going to listen, and it is going to take a while to get back around to the original point in this explanation but I will get there and then you will have your fucking answer. We good?”

Silence.

“Good. Okay. Where was I...”

“Right. So Gotham is fucking weird, I’m sure you’ve all noticed some aspects of that, it’s impossible not to notice something when there’s so goddamned many things that are weird about it or off or just wrong. Here’s one I bet you’ve never noticed or thought about before: the population count. It stays pretty steady, average for most cities. It should not be so steady.”

“Gotham is a fucking death trap, okay, between Ivy’s pollen, Scarecrow’s fear gas, and Joker’s fucking toxin, it’s close enough to constant fucking chemical warfare that no Gotham citizen ever goes anywhere without a gas mask. In addition to the rogue’s gas du jour, there’s the rogues themselves; there’s a metric shit ton of organised crime, like, an unreasonable amount, plus a truly implausible amount of independent muggers, rapists, thieves, you name it. You go almost anywhere and you can hear gunshots, you can hear sirens, you can hear screaming. So fucking many of the police force are corrupt. All the rogues have far too many goons backing them up. On top of everything else, a lot of people are both very paranoid and also armed, and whilst that’s beyond understandable due to Gotham’s,” Red Hood gestures broadly with one hand - he has a gun in that hand, why does he have a gun in that hand, should they be more alarmed than they already are - “mm, everything, it does mean that even in an interaction between two ordinary, non-criminal civilians on a day there’s no gas making people loopy or rogue threatening people, there’s still a high fucking threat of friendly fire if the one makes the other too jumpy.”

“Gotham is a death trap,” he repeats, with intense emphasis, “and people die every day. It’s the most crime ridden place you’ve ever heard of, and people die every goddamn minute. So. Many. People. Die. Exponentially more than literally anywhere else on the planet, basically.”

“So with that much constant, unending death you’d expect one of two things, right? Either option A,” he weighed up one hand demonstrably, “Gotham’s population must be decreasing like crazy, or option B,” and he let the first hand drop, instead weighing up his other hand, “there must be a fucking unbelievable amount of immigration and or a very high birth rate in order to increase the population back up enough that overall, it mostly holds steady. So, take your guesses! Which one is Gotham?”

There was a pause, as though he actually expected the Justice League to vote or at least internally make a guess on this. Then he clapped his hands together - some people startled at the sudden, loud sound - and continued.

“If you guessed option C,” he jerked his chin up in a ‘come at me’ gesture, raising two middle fingers, “which is, ‘neither, asshole’ then congratulations! You would be correct. Immigration to Gotham is virtually nonexistent. Understandably, because as aforementioned, fucking death trap, and that’s without mentioning the things that will fuck you up without killing you. The majority - not an overwhelming majority but a majority - of adults in Gotham have never had children. Of those who have had children...almost every child is an only child, or only has one sibling. Combine that with the unbelievably high mortality rate, yet eh inexplicably steady population count, and you’ve got a picture that just makes no fucking sense. It shouldn’t be possible. It isn’t, physically, actually possible. But it happens! It is happening, right now, where I’m sitting in this super sketchy basement to talk to yall in Gotham. There are very few possible explanations to this.”

“Several possible explanations that both unfortunately have the same reason they can’t be true: maybe people are just lying, or maybe some of the many, many orphans don’t realise they have a secret half-sister, or the many street rats don’t realise their asshole parents gave them brothers after kicking them out. maybe, considering the rather numerous children on the streets and the inexplicable population increases coming from somewhere to counter all that death, maybe these children just fucking spawn on the streets or something, like mobs in a video game. Nope! Pick a random person in Gotham. Any random person, adult or child, potential parent or not. Trace their history and family. Carefully. Professionally. Dig through all the planted history, the fake IDs, the falsified records. Dig deep. Look. I guaran-fucking-tee you that child has a maximum of two biological siblings. Their parents probably also have a maximum of two biological siblings, or more likely, no siblings. I also will tell you now, I’d bet on my fucking grave, that a vast majority of what little family they can lay claim to, is dead, in prison, estranged, currently a criminal, a missing person or some mix of all of the above. The only reason Gotham’s nonexistent immigration, terrifying mortality rate, and steady population would make sense is if almost every single person had a huge family. And yet they just don’t. Pick any random person, and they have a small family, most of whom they have no contact with for some reason or another. It makes no sense for the statistics or even just realistically for this to be always the case, but every goddamned person in Gotham is always so isolated. This literally should not physically be possible.”

“Other things that whilst less physically, realistically, scientifically impossible just....should not be the case: why is there so much crime, and poverty, and abandoned buildings? Bruce Wayne is not corrupt! I’ve fucking checked, thoroughly, trust me I didn’t believe it either. but no, we are very lucky, we have a literal billionaire pouring out almost all his fucking money into various charities, into the community, into funding for various structures we need. He, and everyone working for him, are doing good work, that in literally any goddamn city except this one, would basically eradicate most of our issues, including the very broad issues of poverty, starvation, and most crime. And yet, for some reason....Couple of specific examples, off the top of my head. Cops in Gotham are pretty fucking well-paid, and there are regular inspections by higher-ups who’ve been confirmed to be clean, so why on earth are there still so many cops who work for gangs? Why are there so many kids on the streets? Like again, back to the population issue, literally where do all these children come from, but also, Bruce Wayne has set up multiple things for children to go to, which are - unlike a lot of other places in Gotham - not just gonna get you handed over to gangs. And yet, so many kids on the street. I’ve talked to them, they know Wayne Foundation places are safe, most of the kids I’ve talked to have actually intended on going there, and yet, so many kids still on the streets everyday.”

“And goons! How and why do rogues and gangs get so many goons? Where do these people come from and why? I keep a close eye on crime in Gotham, it’s my literal job, I’m very good at it - never see any rogues pressuring people to work for them. gangs, yes, rogues, no. But what rational person decides - well, decided, he’s dead now, rest in pieces fucker - to work for the Joker, who frequently kills his henchmen for absolutely no sane reason? Who chooses to work for Two-Face, when your life suddenly literally depends on the 50/50 chances of a coin toss? How do people even start working for rogues, how do they find each other? It makes no sense.”

-    -   -   -   -

“Okay,” Red Hood said suddenly, and several people startled to attention, then winced, “if you tuned me out, time to tune back in because I’m about to get to the actual answer to your question.”

“Turns out the reason for most of the stuff in Gotham that makes no sense is simply ‘it’s cursed to hell and back’.  The previously mentioned constant chemical warfare, the influence of Lazarus Pits as well as whatever the hell Slaughter Swamp is, evil tomb, evil hyper sigil, and various other bullshit all combines into one incredibly fucked up, unified curse over the whole of Gotham. That’s why all the philanthropy shit doesn’t work nearly as well as it should do, why all the really really weird villains we have, and why the population rates make no fucking sense.”

“Magical experts were actually called in to take a look at this shit. Like, a lot of them. We wanted to be very sure.”

“Learnt a few things. One - literally nobody can get rid of this curse. Gotham is apparently just fucking like this, and always will be. Two - aforementioned stuff about what it is causing. Three - it also apparently has some very odd effects on rumours, or what rumours are willing to believe, or something similar. Which is why pretty much everyone in Gotham knows I’m strongly against anything that harms children, any form of rape, any trafficking, and a few other things, yet this large fucking trafficking ring were all so very willing to believe me when I claimed to be one of them. It’s kind of trippy if you’re not used to it. Useful for undercover work, don’t get me wrong, but makes no rational fucking sense, it’s hilarious. Four - it centres on Crime Alley.”

Red Hood’s voice lowered a little, and he got very fucking intense as the blank face of the helmet stared them down before he kept speaking.

“Crime Alley gets the brunt of it. No matter what anyone does, it’s always a dump, it’s always full of crime and the worst kind of criminals, it’s never fucking safe, warm or light, and there’s always so so so many street rats with too little food and sex workers struggling to avoid shitty johns. And for some reason, the real fun point of this being the centre of Gotham’s curse? Vigilantes make less than no difference. Cops make less than no difference. You can’t counter the crime in Crime Alley of all places, the only option to make a difference is..”

He leaned back in his chair, gestured with one hand.

“...Take it over. You can’t stop it, can’t counter it, but if you fucking run it, you can control it at least somewhat.”

He started counting off, not with fingers but tapping loudly against his opposite palm.

“Don’t hurt kids. Don’t sell kids, don’t sell drugs to kids, don’t use kids as runners. No trafficking. No protection rackets on my own turf, don’t be fucking stupid. I see any instance of rape or abuse, I will intervene. I regularly check in with the sex workers, they will tell me if anyone treats them like shit, I will intervene. They ask for help, I give it. They don’t owe me shit. I ensure the kids have at least some access to food, and claim a few warehouses or random abandoned buildings for their use. They are fucking protected. They don’t owe me shit either, though both groups often volunteer information, which is always helpful. No form of slavery or prisoners. You wanna deal drugs on my turf? Fine, don’t cut it with anything dangerous, especially don’t cut it with anything from the rogues, don’t give it to anyone who doesn’t actually want it, and I get a cut. You wanna fight? Sure, don’t get anyone else caught in the crossfire, and if you’re operating some fighting ring it better all be people that are there willingly - as much as that can be the case - not prisoners being forced to fight or animal fights. Gambling? Fine, I get a cut. Smuggling? I get a cut. Also, if you touch Kryptonite, I take it and destroy your entire operation, ditto if you handle anything a tad too poisonous like, say, alien weaponry or shit designed to level at superhumans. Don’t bring in outsiders, don’t bring in or use poisoning. Money laundering? You’ll never guess what.”

“Don’t try and invade or take over my turf, or I’ll fuck you up and take some of yours as compensation. You wanna operate in my turf, you get permission and I get a cut of profits.”

“Theft gets a free pass, it’s pretty much always ‘I am trying to stay alive, help’ but if you hold up a store or get too violent I’ll intervene.”

“When I started running the fucking show, crime rates dropped like hell, even including my own various cases of breaking and entering, murder, et cetera et cetera.” Red Hood waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah, I’m a crime lord, but considering the fucking curse we can’t get rid of, this is the best option with the lowest possible casualty rate, crime rate, death rate. The vigilantes don’t like a lot of the crime I do allow, and really don’t like that I you know, use lethal force when fucking necessary, but given the givens I’m about as much of a genuine villain as I am an unconventional vigilante in deep cover.”

“We have an agreement. I don’t tend to leave Gotham, definitely don’t without a heads up to the bats. The Bats don’t enter my turf without permission. Unless necessary for a cover, we don’t harm each other. I get to cover all organised crime cases by default, and am obligated to hand a lot of other things, including most rogue encounters even if on my own turf, to the Bats. I get plausible deniability in my operations and won’t be stopped from using what means I deem necessary to take, say, a trafficking ring, down, but have to report in whenever I’m undercover for a case like that just to confirm that I’m alive, I haven’t been compromised, nor have I suddenly turned dark-side rather than mere extremely questionable vigilante.”

“That’s why I report to Batman.”

“Now can I start my actual fucking report? I’ve got to be back upstairs in half an hour to pretend I don’t think treating people like merchandise is horrific and I need time to mentally brace myself for the shitty comments people are gonna be making again.”

[littleblueteacup]

I went to see the new Batman movie today and I am very excited. I’m gonna just bullet point stuff down below, so go forward with caution.

Potential spoilers ahead, you have been warned

Holy mother of Maple the suit is accurate???? Like, not necessarily comic book accurate, but to the real world. You can see the break lines where cowl turns to cape, turns to suit, turns to boots!!!

That beginning monologue was kinda funny. Like, it obviously wasn’t mean to be, but it was just angsty enough to toe the line, and it made me snicker a little.

Speaking of, there were little moments all through out that were just… so ignored, that it’s obviously a common enough occurrence, but it was just a little funny.

I know I’m not the first to say this, but holy moley, this Bruce Wayne would realistically be willing and able to take in children, and he’d actually cope on a level that previous incarnations of the character wouldn’t have.

The route the writers took with Martha Wayne’s family being the Arkhams, rather than the Kanes, may cause issues with bringing in Kate and Bette to the family (should they choose to bring them into the story) but, ultimately, if Arkham Asylum is still run by the family, it gives Bruce a potential connection to pretty much all of the rogues, but most prominently Harley Quinn and Scarecrow.

They managed to make the Riddler a problem. Like, this may just be the type of exposure I’ve had to the Riddler, but he’s always had this goofy, eccentric feel to him (not a bad thing!!!). This wasn’t that. You could see exactly why Riddler would be a flipping problem if he ever broke out of Arkham. The problem is it didn’t feel like just the Riddler, it felt like a combination, but dang it if I know who the other person/people are!

Carmine Falcone. Carmine Falcone was the slimiest damn person on screen at any given point in time, and it was beautifully done.

The Penguin, holy cripes, the performance was so good, and he was sassy and angry and hahaaaaa- It was a very nice performance.

I could go for daaaays about Selina Kyle. She was funny, she was sassy, she didn’t take any of Bruce’s bullshit, and when the opportunity came up? She had to be held back from murdering the heck out of Falcone!

Selina and Bruce had the vibe of ‘this will be the recurring love interest that will maintain a love-hate relationship with the audience because she and Bruce are just never going to get together in any way that she would stay in Gotham long term.

If (and it is, at this point, a big if) the Robins/Batgirls/Batkids are going to be a thing, then come Jason’s death, Bruce is gonna be a heckling disaster. Like, Tim Drake will become a necessary continuation of that story line, if they wanna keep Batman around. And then, Jason comes back a few years later (and I have theories for how they could fill in some of the gaps) and turns around and goes “why the fuck wouldn’t you kill the Joker?! Did you not love me enough???” And everyone would lose it.

Selina would make Red Robin jokes. Tim would snap that “it’s not my fault, I was kinda in a rush!” And Selina would turn to Dick and go, “Yeah, we need to talk about that” and Dick, who’s already gotten it from Alfred, Jason, Steph, Cass, Commissioner Gordon (which, how the fuck??), Babs, any one who has any way of finding out has had a go at him for it, just groans and goes, “yup, sure Selina, whenever you want.”

Wayne Manor (which I think got turned into an orphanage?) has the potential to become the biggest running gag, whether it’s just among the kids, or it’s Gothamites in general. Like “hey, what happened to the old Gotham orphanage? Like, after the Riddler, what did the family do with it?” “Oh, it’s still an orphanage.” “But how? I thought the Wayne family lived there.” “Exactly.”

Bruce: you’re not my father, Alfred

Me, in the middle of the theatre: Bitch, he helped raise you, shut the fuck up.

The Batmobile was so cool!! This tires could be jacked by a starved eleven-twelve year old boy.

It most definitely has an intimidation button. Any one who Bruce let’s into the car just begs to press the button. The answer is always no. They press it anyway. Yes, even if the person is well into their twenties.

There are more, but they lean into where I want them to take the series, rather than things I noticed and thought were cool (or things I think would happen that have no plot relevance)

[elareine]

ooh if you're still taking prompts & feeling up to it, it'd be fun to see jaytim where Tim wrongly assumes that Jason is the hypersexual bad boy type. he's got the vibe! his banter sounds exactly like flirting!! Meanwhile Jason's had little to no romantic experience and is pretty sure if anyone's the bad boy here it's Tim, who's been in plenty of well-publicized relationships. As their relationship moves in a romantic direction, they are both *very* confused.

Very fun, indeed! Hope you don’t mind that some RoyDick crept on here...

When Tim first came to Dick for advice, he was honored. He tries to remember that feeling. 

“—he’s like, a total bad boy, right?” Tim asks in a line that Dick cannot believe he’s hearing in real life. What does “bad boy” even mean? Jason is a literature nerd who sometimes kills people. 

“Right,” is what he says out loud. 

“And he always flirts with everyone! How am I supposed to know if it’s special for me?” Tim’s pacing up and down the cave. 

Dick has never seen Jason being particularly flirty, but, again, he’s trying to be supportive here. “Maybe you need to look at other things.” 

“Like what?” 

“His actions. Does he do anything to show you that he cares?” 

Tim stops. “He did bring me food that one time.” 

Yes. Dick knows. Tim didn’t shut up about it for five whole days. “Yes,” he says encouragingly. “And doesn’t he make you tea, too?” 

“Every night.” There’s a small smile on Tim’s face. “’Cause I get cold.” 

“See. The best I get is a snide comment about dress code,” Dick chuckles. “He cares about you, and in a different way than about the rest of us.”  

“Okay.” Tim takes a deep breath. “Okay. I’m gonna ask him out.” 

Atta, boy. 

—

Roy loves his best friend. He does. However: “Please tell me what’s making you so nervous, or I will be forced to stab you.” 

Jason throws him a look of pure exasperation. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Nope. You’ve been crushing on Tim for months.” It’s so cute how his Jaybird blushes at that simple statement of fact. “And now you’re going on a date with him. What’s the problem?” 

“All of it.” Jason throws up his hands. “According to media reports, he’s had at least four girlfriends—not to mention the rumors about that Kent boy—“ 

“According to media reports, Dick is straight,” Roy mutters. 

Jason ignores him to wail: “—and they’re all gorgeous.” 

“So are you,” Roy points out loyally. “And anyway, he asked you out, right? So he must want to be there with you.” 

“You think so?” The hope in Jason’s eyes hurt just a little bit to see. Man, his friend really had it bad. Roy could feel his anger vanish. 

“Yeah, Jaybird. It’ll be just fine, you’ll see.” 

—

“So how many dates have they now been on, exactly?” 

Dick grunts. “Seventeen and a half.” At Roy’s glance, he adds: “Tim says that one dinner doesn’t count because it was interrupted by ninjas.” 

“Seventeen and a half dates,” Roy repeats, “and they still think the other isn’t that into them?” 

Dick sighs and nuzzles against Roy’s shoulder. So far, they’ve done their best to keep those two disasters out of their bedroom (loyalty and all that), but… desperate times… “Tim thinks Jason is some kind of smooth bad boy who would totally whisk him away to his den of sin if he was actually into him.” 

“Smooth.” Roy sounds disgusted. “That man wouldn’t know smooth if he was on ice.” 

“Says the man who asked me out with a ‘what about it, birdie?’” 

“See, you say that, but you’re still in my bed, so… who won, here?” Roy drops a kiss into his hair. “Anyway. If it’s any help, Jaybird is convinced that Tim is the one with all the romantic experience, so…” 

“Nah, 90% of that is fake,” Dick mumbles absently. Then he sits up. “Wait. Are you saying this is Jason’s first relationship, too?” 

Roy abruptly feels a little bit bad for ratting his friend out like that. On the other hand, he’d really like not to listen to soliloquies about Tim’s eyes anymore. “Oh, yeah. I’ve never seen him so gone on someone before.” He pauses. “Too?” 

“Yeah, Tim has no idea what he’s doing.” Dick groans. “This is never gonna resolve, is it?” 

“Maybe work something like ‘Jay is totally a shy dork who acts tough, so you should kiss him’ into your next conversation,” Roy suggests.

In response, Dick looks more thoughtful than the suggestion really deserves. “You know… I think Tim knows that about Jason. All he ever gushes about is how smart Jason is and how thoughtful and awkward and—well, Tim thinks he’s hot, too, but. He doesn’t have any illusions, I think.” 

“Oh, good, cause Jay thinks Tim is like, the best guy to ever live, which, you know, he’s clearly wrong—“Roy gives Dick a significant look and is rewarded by a slight blush. “—and also he keeps on going on about how funny and nerdy he is. So.” 

Dick groans. “God, they’re cute.” 

As if on cue, Dick’s phone buzzes. He glances over, just to see it’s from Tim. Oh, speaking of the devil. 

“Let me check—“Just as Dick reaches out to check the content, Roy’s phone starts ringing up a storm. 

The redhead mouths “Jay” as he takes the call and puts it on speaker. 

“Roy,” Jason says, “I think I fucked up.” 

With a feeling of dread, Dick checks the text. 

HELP I kissed him and he ran

Oh, goddammit.

(I’m taking prompts until the end of the year.)

[hood-ex]

Can you please tell me what you think about Dick’s characterisation and the roll he plays in the Titans tv series? I have complaints but I want the opinion of someone who knows the comics well (I’ve only read some of the series).

Oh maaan. Where to begin. My thoughts are gonna be all over the place because it’s been sooo long since I’ve watched Titans. I’m kinda dredging it up in my mind as best as I can. So sorry if this isn’t all that cohesive. 

First, I think it needs to be pointed out that Titans purposely has a darker tone to it, the timeline of events is all fucky, and the characters being different ages from their comic selves also changes things. Now what this means for Dick is that we’re thrown into his secrets and trauma from the get-go, making him have a more cold, closed-off demeanor. Of course, we know that’s because of his unresolved shit with Bruce, the fallout with the OG Titans, and his guilt over what happened to Jericho. Plus, y’know, the general trauma that comes with watching your parents die and dealing with all the terrible shit that goes on in Gotham night after night. 

I think most people were shocked to see Dick be this dark person, but he’s dark because the show throws us into the middle of Dick’s trauma that he hasn’t worked past yet. So it’s not surprising that people may have been expecting Dick Grayson from Wolfman’s New Teen Titan’s run, and instead, got the traumatized Dick Grayson from Devin Grayson’s Blockbuster run. It may make Dick seem OOC, but it’s really not far off base from how he acts during a very dark period of his life in comics. 

The super aggressive fighting... ehhh. I can kinda understand it since his dark thoughts are reflected in how he fights. Still, Dick generally doesn’t do more damage than necessary in the comics. 

In S1, Dick is kinda flighty. He’s not totally on board with being Rachel’s guardian or staying with Rachel, Kory, and Gar. Again, not super surprising to me since Dick has been trained not to blindly trust people. I also think he doesn’t want to get hurt again after what happened with the OG Titans. 

The way the show shits on Dick’s relationships with the Titans is super sad to see. In the show, I think it’s made clear that Dick is scared of being abandoned by the Titans. In comics, Dick needs his friends. They’re his family. And tbh? The way the Titans (Hank, Dawn, and Donna) treat Dick in the show is uhhh bad. Shit like Dawn telling Dick to “be Batman” which is something Dick struggles with in comics, or shit like not being at all concerned when Dick runs into the room with a gun, very obviously having some kind of mental breakdown, and none of them running after him when he runs off to find Jason. Yeah, I don’t fuck with that. 

Now Dick does have quite the guilt complex in comics, so I’m not surprised that Jericho’s death has taken such a toll on his mental health, especially since Dick feels responsible for his death. 

Dick being passively suicidal? Purposely getting himself arrested because of his guilt? That’s based on canon. It aligns with one of the darkest times in Dick’s life in the comics which was during the Blockbuster fiasco. 

But alright. So that’s some of the dark shit about Dick. Now lemme say a few things about the lighter bits of his character in the show. 

In comics, Dick is a safety net for many people, and in turn, the Titans are his safety net. I think Titans does portray that if in a bit of a fucked up way. Dick has no responsibility to Rachel and Gar, and he ends up becoming their guardian anyways. Him giving up the car he loves to get a minivan to drive everyone around in shows a certain level of acceptance on his part. Like yeah, the minivan is way more convenient and practical for all of them, but minivans are known to be family cars, so it signifies a desire for a more stable life with a family. 

That kinda leads into Dick’s role as leader and guardian since Dick and Kory take these teens in when they don’t have to. Dick eventually not only gives them and Jason a home, he starts to train them because they need to learn to control/protect themselves. And while the family vibes are good and all, Dick’s baggage keeps him from being open with the others, and in turn, Rachel keeps her secret about her powers acting up from Dick because she can tell he’s dealing with a lot or what have you. 

Even though Dick’s intentions are good, his own issues puts distance between him and the others. Rachel and Gar have their own shit to deal with, and they need support. They can’t get the support they really need from Dick because of Dick’s own issues, which is why we see Rachel later calling Kory instead of going to Dick. 

In comics, Dick is definitely the leader, but he’s not necessarily a guardian to any of the Titans. That’s because most of the Titans are his age or are only a few years younger than him. They’re on more of an even playing field whereas Dick in the show can’t just dump his baggage on the teens he’s a guardian to, y’know? So there’s not as good of a balance between all of them in the show as there is in the comics. 

Dick is heavily relied upon in the comics, and I think that’s true for the show as well. He’s also a lynchpin in the show who connects the OG Titans with the new Titans. Him having his shit together is kinda paramount into making the two groups gel, and in the comics, Dick plays that part very well. Sadly, he doesn’t have his shit together in the show, so everything around him starts to fall apart. This kinda happens to him in the comics as well after Joey’s death and the dickkory wedding disaster. Dick is just strung out from everything, and he decides to leave the Titans. 

All in all, I don’t think Dick’s characterization in Titans is too far off base. I just think that starting the show off with him being weighed down by his issues is kind of throwing people off since it portrays Dick with certain thoughts and behaviors that are typically reserved for the dark, traumatic events in his life. It kind of only captures one side of him. I would say there are other aspects of his character that aren’t displayed in the show, so who he is in the show isn’t 100% of who Dick Grayson is. It’s only a part of him. 

[spooky-z]

The Soulmate AU [2]

Maribat by @ozmav

I didn't get much into the first part about their relationship (of the couple and with other people), so here's a post about it.

DAMIAN:

At 8, Damian, influenced by Marinette, manages to escape from the League to Batfam.

Not before stopping by to finally meet the girl in person. Of course.

Marinette's parents are relieved to know her little girl's soulmate, but also in a panic, as he has no shame in talking about his life with the League of Assassins.

"I don't want to be secret between us, since one day Marinette and I are getting married."

They accept. Bad. But they accept and try to be understanding.

He spends a week living with the Dupain-Cheng before deciding it was time to meet his father.

Marinette is sad. One week was too little and she wanted him safe by her side, not in a place where she could do nothing to help.

She attaches a discreet bracelet to the boy's wrist, claiming to be a lucky charm,and shows an equal resting on her pale wrist.

They say goodbye.

When Damian arrives in Gotham and meets Bruce, the man seems not at all surprised to learn that he had a son and that this son was coming to stay.

(The League and Talia had gone looking for Damian in Gotham, but were unable to find him.)

"Typical. She thinks she can predict my movements. I'm much smarter than that.” Damian snorts contemptuously and Mari laughs softly beside him.

She was by his side the whole trip. Only disappearing when she slept.

His relationship with Bruce and his brothers had a rocky beginning.

Damian was very closed and volatile.

Shoot first, ask questions later.

But our strawberry shortcake aka Marinette, with Alfred's help (even though the man didn't know he was helping her) managed to soften him enough to make things work.

Jonathan and Damian meet for the first time on duty.

Batman and Robin on patrol when Superman appears with Superboy and is dislike at first glance.

What changes after they meet again at school and Jonathan remembers Damian through Adrien's memories.

Best Friends Distributing Chaos Through Metropolis ™

He lives in Gotham with his father and siblings until he is 15, when he decides that living away from his soulmate is no longer working and signs up for an exchange in Paris.

MARINETTE:

Despite having a soulmate trained to be a assassin, she lived a normal, sweet childhood.

She had classmates, but also had her best friends: Kim and Sabrina.

Mari also becomes friends with Adrien at six.

The two know each other thanks to a visit from the Agreste family to the Dupain-Cheng bakery.

It is instant friendship! And families encourage both.

(Gabriel more for not wanting Adrien too close to Chloe).

Because soulmates are rare, she has been harassed by people (other children and adults)

Which didn't last long, because it was no wonder, she was Damian Al-Ghul Wayne's soulmate.

Marinette never depended on Damian for dangerous skills.

Things like steal, act, observe and gymnastics.

She was a very observant child, able to understand things that not even her parents were capable of before she pointed out the evidence.

She still wants to be a designer, this time with Gabriel's support.

But there was also a part (she didn't know if it was because of Damian) that simply wanted to fight off the Paris criminals.

The relationship with her parents is the best. They don't hide anything from each other because trust is a serious thing in this family.

When Damian goes to Paris and they meet in person for the first time, she makes a point of feeding him sweets, since his diet in the League was very strict.

She introduced Damian to Sabrina, Adrien and Kim at a picnic with the families.

(To Adrien's soulmate too and it was a mess)

At 9, she convinces Emilie that Adrien would learn much more from studying at a school like her.

They go to school together and she teaches Adrien some ways to fight that her parents wouldn't approve of, but she knew would be useful in the future.

Mari is fucking smart.

She and Adrien are fucking scary together.

Chloe avoids them even if Sabrina is their friend.

Everyone thinks she and Adrien are soulmates (except Sabrina and Kim, who had already met Damian).

At thirteen, on the first day of school a drunk man broke into the school assaulting one of the teachers who tried to kindly ask him to leave...

That day was marked "Never mess with Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

JONATHAN:

He lived part of his childhood living on his grandparents' farm.

He always knew who his father and mother were, so being half alien wasn't something he didn't know about.

No one really believed that he had a soulmate (even if his eyes proved otherwise) because of his alien heritage.

He learned Kryptonian as he grew older.

As well as his powers and abilities.

After his parents decide to stop hiding, they move to Metropolis and Jon starts studying at a private school.

The signs of his soulmate only became evident after Jonathan recognized the face and model names on billboards.

And he had never been interested in modeling or the fashion world.

Then came the dreams.

Dreams of photo shoot, a green-eyed blonde woman and a stern-looking skinny man. Both French.

The first thought had been that he was going crazy.

The second, that he was developing a new power.

This continued until the "Swap" and he understood what was going on.

He and Adrien become best friends (first).

His classmates liked to tease him that Jonathan spent so much time “talking to himself”

His parents found the boy's innocent joy so cute.

He “introduces” Adrien to his parents and the boy blushes with Lois's attention.

Clark too, since please, it was Superman there.

Romantic feelings only come at 10 (for both), but they only start dating at 13.

Damian is his best friend, since he understands his situation very well.

He is the one who puts the idea in Damian's mind to take the exchange in Paris.

Convince the parents is a little harder than Bruce Wayne, but he manages.

Imagine the disaster that will be Paris in the hands of these four.

ADRIEN:

Having met Marinette much earlier than in canon and becoming her best friend, he has a drastic change of character here.

Although his pacifist side remains firm, it is not as strong as in canon.

Jonathan's bonus for being his soul mate as well, as it directly affects his behavior.

Influenced by Marinette, he is not taken in by Chloe's crazy and childish ideas

He even tries to help the girl, knowing that her bad behavior was more to draw attention, since her parents were far from exemplary parents, but she runs away from him as soon as she finds out that he is friends with Mari.

He makes other friends, but none compare to Marinette, Jonathan and Damian.

Learning to fight and growing a backbone was something he enjoyed, but baking was his passion.

Mr. Dupain really wanted to be able to adopt the boy.

He cried when he could see Jonathan for the first time.

When his mother dies in a car accident, he is 12 years old.

Adrien goes into shock.

He didn't eat, didn't talk, didn't sleep.

Jonathan was panicking that they were in distant countries, different continents.

Adrien did not react.

It went on like this until Marinette decided that was enough of it and broke into the Agreste mansion, sparing not even a glance at Gabriel.

Adrien was forced to shower, put on clean clothes, comb the hair, eat, brush the teeth and cry.

Yes, forced to cry.

Marinette knew that in order for him to get out of the nest of dark thoughts (which Jonathan had warned her), he needed to vent all that was trapped.

The day had been long, the night even more so.

It took months, but he managed to return to normal gradually. With the help of his friends, Adrien was able to suffer his grief in the least painful way possible.

When Gabriel decides it's best for Adrien to be home schooled again and fill the boy's schedule with photo essays, Marinette gets angry.

Or maybe it was Damian. Or both together. Anyway,

When Gabriel decides to be a dick, Marinette threatens to report the man to the police for child exploitation.

He tries to dissuade Marinette by threatening her back, but Adrien supports her and confronts his father.

OTHER THINGS:

Because of Adrien's “rebellion”, Gabriel decides to do nothing at the moment, but devises plans to change that.

What he doesn't know is that Marinette, with Damian's help, Jonathan, her parents, is two steps ahead of him. Waiting for his first slip.

Damian does not introduce Marinette to Batfam, he avoids, but the girl insists until one day she introduces herself and he just stands by his arms crossed and annoyed.

Jason and Marinette become best friends for Damian's chagrin and Bruce's happiness.

(Jason was having a hard time... and Marinette was being the light at the end of the tunnel for Bruce.)

The first time they make the "Swap" at Wayne Mansion, everyone is horrified to watch Damian spin happily around the kitchen, all smiles, while decorating Batfam-themed cupcakes.

Timothy had recorded and sent it to all family friends.

When Gabriel tries to force Adrien to do a late-night photo shoot on a school day, Jonathan curses the man with all the low vocabulary he has learned living on the farm.

His parents are not proud to find the boy at 3am cursing loudly in the kitchen, but understand his frustration.

Adrien is the one who anchors Jonathan's powers, so he doesn't lose too much control.

Alya and Lila will die a slow and painful death in this au.

And I say that not for Damian but for Tikki.

I will make one for the kwamis and soon I will post the fanfiction!

[tag list]

@sassydepression @emjrabbitwolf @actual-disaster-human @mystery-5-5 @thequestionablyhuman @alexresides @officiallyathiana   @interobanginyourmom @2sunchild2 @vixen-uchiha @timetomakeanewwish @ranger-gothamite @thanks-captain-obvious @wargraymon0709 @krispydefendorpolice @chocolatecatstheron @kazjaurelia @lysslovsanime @fandomkitty8 @g-arya @zerotosiki @bananaapplewaffle @graduatedmelon @schrodingers25 @queencommonsense @mindfulmagics @michellemagic @kceedraws @littleblue5mcdork @be-happy-every-day-please @razzledazzle247

[k1ng-for-a-day]

Fluff headcanons for Freddy and Jason, platonic/friends

:00000000 Another request??? How intriguing. I’m kinda excited for this one actually, (probably because I actually like Freddy Krueger. Sorry I’m a dumbass). Anyways I hope you enjoy this, even thought it’s probably not the greatest.

A platonic friendship between two different entities? Might seem a bit rough, but they’ll make it. I think,

🖤How The Hell Did This Happen?🖤

😼🗡 I feel like it was on accident when they became ‘close’ with each other. Like the Mondo and Ishimaru situation in Danganronpa, except it wasn’t at a bath house. (Imagine it though-)

😼🗡 It probably started because Krueger was jealous of Jason, and attempted to mimick his own rival in order to beat his own game. In the end, however, Jason would always laugh at Freddy being a dumbass, and would attempt to help him.

😼🗡 Freddy being egotistical was probably like, “get tf away I’m fine 😾” and would do everything on his own. When he would almost successfully complete the task, Jason would outsmart him and ruin his scheme. At this point Freddy was pissed at him for doing this and confronted him about it.

😼🗡 “Hey forest tumor, what the fuck did you do to my plan?” The crispy ass bacon man asked the hockey masked man.

😼🗡 Jason simply snickered and said one word, “Yes.”

😼🗡 At this point Freddy is just amused, abliterated, broken, bewildered, and utterly frustrated at this point. He started to retort something to Jason and they start a whole ass argument. This argument practically lasts for generations, but suddenly Jason came up with an idea. He quickly wrote it down..

😼🗡 What it said was this: If Freddy could somehow not become egotistical for a week, then Jason will serve Freddy in the dream world. If Jason could become more ‘selfish’ than ‘selfless’, then Freddy will get whatever he wants. The two agreed to this arrangement and thought they were going to win.

Day 1

😼🗡 Everything is off to a pretty decent start. Freddy had attempted to help people much more, and has completely removed the snarkiness within his comments. Additionally he’s also made more people happy within this short outcome. It seemed like he was a generally nice guy. Like he was before... the event. Nevertheless Krueger seemed immensely different to the one we all know of.

😼🗡 Jason on the other hand was a different story. He was unable to give small berries to the creatures within the forest, and had to act more like Krueger. How was he supposed to do that? It was difficult for him nonetheless, but he barely succeeded. At some points of the trial he had to stop himself, think, and stop what he was doing. He just couldn’t help himself at all it seemed. He was having an identity crisis at this point.

😼🗡 When talking to each other that day, Krueger kept covering his mouth everytime he was about to say something snarky or narcissistic. He even stopped himself before he said a very, very horny comment. Jason on the other hand had to come up with really egotistical things to say, which were hilarious but cute. He would write things like, “I-I have the b-best m-mask.” or little things like that. Freddy wanted to laugh so badly, but he was unable to. It seems like torture for both parts.

Day 2

😼🗡 The next day, Jason knew what to do; he needed different clothes in order to help him concentrate. He quickly took something inside his cabin, and put it on quickly. He stared at himself for a bit, and tried other outfits. Once he found one he deemed “acceptable”, he went out of his cabin and started to act a bit more ‘stern’ to say the least. It really seemed like his soul was twisted in a way that he was completely nothing. That he was a pure void and there was nothing more.

😼🗡 On the other hand, Freddy still had a difficult time. He would cover his mouth before saying certain words, doing certain actions, etc. It came down to the point he wouldn’t speak, and he would write little notes instead. These notes were usually ‘nice’, and if someone didn’t like how it seemed he would explain what he meant. It seemed like he became a bit more shy within these set of rules. It was strange since yesterday he was completely fine, but now everything seems.. off.

😼🗡 When they went to talk, Jason spoke in barely understandable sentences. He said certain words that helped convey his message, but Krueger was confused. In the end they just wrote notes to each other, even though Voorhees still attempted to speak.

Day 3

😼🗡 At this point, Freddy felt immensely off. The dream world felt like a living hell for him, so he had to leave it quickly. He put on a jacket, and went into the woods. It was much more humble, calm, and overall a decent environment. It was very nice. What the fuck is happening to him..?

😼🗡Coincidentally, Jason wanted to leave the forest, stumbling upon Freddy and raised his voice at him. Only a few words actually came out, “LEAVE, BURNT RAT”, and that was all.

😼🗡 As Voorhees continued on his little quest for ‘freedom’, he walked into an urban environment; something he wasn’t use to. His eyes were wide like a child, and he was absolutely flabbergasted. Many people went up to him with strange looks, but no one really cared. He was like a kid in a candy store. He wanted it all, he needed it all. That was his dream; to become a dictator. Or was it really his? Was he high or smth?

Day 4

😼🗡 After yesterday, Jason rented a hotel with the little money he had, and acted like he had bank. He would attempt to add little comments in order to make people pay attention to him, and he just became someone completely different. In actuality, he just didn’t want to fail his own bet. He wanted to succeed, prevail, and show Krueger who are ally was the king.

😼🗡 On the other side of the spectrum, Krueger was more outgoing and had a blast in a more natural environment. The only problem was that it was more difficult to maintain his jokes than anything he could imagine. This really wasn’t him, but if it’s a bet he’ll play, it’s one to win a game.

😼🗡 On that particular day, they refused to chat with each other. They didn’t even want to look at each other. They were upset, stuck, and trapped in this ‘new world’.

Day 5

😼🗡 On this one day, he snapped. Someone entered the dream world that he was immensely upset about. This person was very confident, snotty, and somewhat a bitch. Everytime he tried to catch this ‘person’, he was out played by one of their tricks. It got to the point where he was the one embarrassed, and overall frustrated that he wasn’t successful. So, he finally gave up and said this, “Shut it you watered down version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Do you even know who you’re fucking messing with? I’m Freddy Krueger hun, and this place is hell on Earth for you!”

😼🗡On the flip side, Jason realized shortly that what he was doing was completely stupid. He thought about what his mother would say in this instance, and was disappointed within himself. He became what he hated most in a few short days. In the end he decided to leave his hotel room, and return to the quiet, peaceful life he once had. He laid on the grass and sighed, wondering how his rival was doing in the dream world. “Maybe he lost too? No, he probably won.” He thought to himself. He was nervous for the end result.

😼🗡When Jason entered the dream world, he was ready to admit defeat. He sat down in front of Krueger, and wrote about his failure. To his surprise, his rival actually nodded along with him. He revealed that he also lost as well. In the end the both were confused on what to do, but realize that they kind of had it hard for each other. One raise by the quiet sounds of the forest, while the other was raised in a hostile, urban environment were disaster could easily happen. It was enjoyable, but kind of self destructive. Since then they actually became acquaintances with each other.

🖤The Relationship🖤

😼🗡 Ever since then, these two were fucking chaotic. One in a dream, while the other in the sheets. (I tried to make a dirty joke but I messed up-)

😼🗡 These two would literally have non stop arguments about their favorite things. For example if Freddy brought up his favorite genre of movie, Jason would write about how his opinion is wrong, and they would just be in a huge feud. They wouldn’t fight, but they would argue non stop until someone gives up. (Jason would usually succeed when it came to these arguments since Krueger would get bored and think they’re “useless”).

😼🗡 I feel like their friendship would be like Ishimaru and Mondo; they hate but love each other. Like Freddy will be like, “Wtf it’s the walking stick 😾,” and then Jason would be like, “🥺🥺💞💞,” and then it would just be a whole other feud.

😼🗡 When it comes to affection Jason attempts to hug Freddy, but Krueger is a pain in the ass. He would immediately get him off and say a snobby comment about he “doesn’t need attention like this because he’s already perfectly fine.” In the end he’ll just submit to the physical attention. When Freddy actually wants to give Jason ‘affection’, however, he’ll say something like, “Wow walking stick, you actually look nice,” or some half assed compliment. Sometimes he’ll actually genuinely say something nice, but it’s rare since he’s not that type of person.

😼🗡 When Jason gives Krueger a compliment, he’ll just say something like, “damn right I am!” Or something narcissistic. If Jason writes something like, “you’re adorable”, Freddy will act very dramatic towards it, and kind of weak. Later on he’ll start to give him the worst nightmare of his life, apologize, and act like a prick, but he actually likes compliments like those. He just won’t admit it because he wants to act like he’s better than everyone else. He wants to appear tougher, more on edge, and a fucking god compared to the others.

😼🗡 If Voorhees flusters Krueger enough, however, Freddy will attempt to kill him. 👏👏👏

😼🗡 Sometimes they’ll give each other some dumbass gifts that are usually made to insult each other. For example Freddy gets a pot/pan, and Jason would get something like a shower cap or body wash. Just something to poke fun at each other with.

😼🗡 Later on they’ll actually start talking/venting to one another about their past, current situations, and other things. Sometimes it’ll get to the point one of them actually shows signs of feelings. Sometimes Jason will actually catch Freddy crying a bit, but he’ll make some dumb excuse. “I-I was just laugh! T-that’s all...” or “I-it’s just a power of mine! I-I can’t... feel..”

😼🗡 When it comes to Jason admitting his feelings to Krueger, he’ll actually be like a dad to him somewhat. Like he actually fucking cares about his well being. It’s kind of interesting actually.

😼🗡 Sometimes Jason will catch Krueger looking at himself with a mirror he made, and ask, “Am I really good enough?” And other things as well. He’ll even tell terrible things about himself in order to make sure he can actually feel. It just to the point he might actually cry. Once he tears up a bit, he’ll immediately throw the mirror on the ground and breakdown for a bit. It’s best not to both him in this state.

😼🗡 If Krueger is a bit harsh on himself, Jason will actually comfort him in a way. He’ll still be mad, but a bit calmer.

😼🗡 When it comes to Jason, on the other hand, he will never cry in front of Freddy in fear he’ll be made fun of. When he does cry it’s usually in his cabin, or somewhere quiet in the dreamworld. If Freddy does actually see this, he’ll actually pay him on the shoulder, lecture him about it, and just hope he’ll be a bit calmer that way. Usually he doesn’t know how to handle sad situations like this, but he attempts to in order to make people more welcome. Even though it may not actually help at all, it does benefit the situation in a way.

😼🗡 When Jason vents to Freddy, he holds him like a teddy bear in order to feel secure.

😼🗡 U h anyways....

Shit I thought of:

😼🗡 Freddy is a chaotic neutral crackhead and Jason’s a lawful good soft boy. What could possibly go wrong?

😼🗡 I feel like if Voorhees were to sing a song, Freddy would either join him or force him to shut the fuck up.

Jason would actually have a good, quiet voice that would be decent for certain songs. (Basically his voice would probably sound like certain opera voices but very soft).

Kruegers is very raspy and would mainly be good for rock songs.

And NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES introduce them to vocaloid. There is a reason for it and it would cause destruction for the w h o l e w o r l d.

😼🗡 I feel like if they were to get lost, Freddy would get them deep into an awful rabbit hole, or Jason would actually find a way out of the predicament.

😼🗡 Honestly Freddy will act as though he is the most craziest person Jason has ever met. In actuality, Jason is the most insane person he’s met. And his mother too.

😼🗡 When these two talk about music, honey you are in danger. Freddy will talk about rock from the 1960s, and bring up some other modern day songs he’s actually interested in. Jason would critic him and say classical music is the way to go. Or literally forest sounds. Depends on his mood. When it comes to this argument, they will deadass fight each other. No joke. They will literally get anything they have and start World War 3.

😼🗡 Everytime Freddy tries to say a horny joke, Jason will smack him with anything he can find in the room. Favorite one to smack him with- pots and pans.

😼🗡 I feel like this relationship is a mixture of two people who should never interact become each other’s support or something like that.

Welp, that is practically all I could think of currently. I know this was somewhat short, but honestly I can’t really think of much. Unless someone has any other good ideas, I hope you enjoyed this! And thank you so much for your request!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #446

“so you can throw me to the wolves  /  tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack”

Favourite cheese? American. Superman or Batman? I know literally nothing of Superman, but I like Batman. Who are your best friends? The only person I consider a best friend is Sara. Name the 3 most important people in your life: My mom, Sara, and... I suppose myself since I cherish my mental health VERY deeply. Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? No. Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? In my personal opinion, yes. I do believe it's possible to be "overly" flirty, considering you can really lead people on. It's a she. Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. No. Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? No. I'm really not into that. What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? I think the most disgusting thing anyone can do is commit rape. Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? I feel teleportation is obviously more convenient and useful in dangerous situations. Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? LKJFL;AKSDJFKLASJDLFKA;WE NOOOOOOOOOO. I am WAY too terrified of tornadoes to watch that. Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Hurricane Floyd was pretty devastating. I was too young to really remember it, though. Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? She probably did. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? BOJANGLE'S, AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? I mean, it's possible, but I don't know. Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I didn't know they stopped. Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I couldn't possibly care less, it's a natural bodily function. Just because of societal standards though, I don't burp in public, though, but only around family and close friends. What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Anything like rap that has a STUPIDLY loud bass that just annoys everyone within a ten mile radius. When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? A year or two ago, for my nephew. No one else was free to watch him, so I had no choice. Nothing bad happened, besides nearly having a panic attack. Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No. Even Sara and I don't do it, because I'm too self-conscious of how I look. Even though she's seen me plenty before irl. Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Well, I majored in biology briefly... I wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I just adore animals and thought I could do it. I just couldn't handle school. When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not especially close to any of my cousins. Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Yessss! is writing something that you enjoy doing? Definitely. Would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? If I wind up being very proud of the product, I prefer drawing, but I take pictures far more. When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. Has anyone ever copied off of your homework assignments? I think so? Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? ... *stares at my folder labelled "Mark"* What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. I love the whole vibe of it. The weather, the smells, the treats, my niece's and nephew's excitement... I adore all the lights and decorations, the gratefulness for family and your loved ones in general... I just love Christmas. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say my hips are normal. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? God no. Not anymore. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? Nope. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Once. I didn't like it. Has your best friend ever made you cry? Yes. But in her defense, we've both made the other cry. Have you ever entered a talent competition? God no, I ain't got shit to flaunt. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? I only ever wear black for both of those. What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My Markiplier tattoo, actually. What do you think of your best friend’s ex? One I REALLY don't like, the other I'm neutral about. Are you biracial? No. Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now? No. We try to not buy them, given they're just TOTALLY empty calories. They don't fill me at all. Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? I LOVE sour candy. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Alaska, to see the Northern Lights. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I haven't driven in well over a year. Hell, maybe two. But no, because I'd need prescription sunglasses. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah. What time do you usually have dinner? 5:30-6:30, usually. What’s your favourite meat? Chicken, I think. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast. I just enjoy breakfast foods. What colour is your shampoo? White. Tell me a silly little old wive’s tale you believed when you were a child: My older sister got me to believe that if you said a word a ridiculous amount of times, it'd be the only word you knew how to say anymore, lmao. Shut up, I was little. What was the last magazine you bought? Do you subscribe to any? I don't buy magazines. Whose Facebook profile did you last look at? Was there anything that caught your attention? Uh, that's a good question. Do you regret your last relationship? Not at all. What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes, though I'm picky with them and the texture. Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes, or pie with your grandma? No. Do you like kids? Not especially. They ask too many questions and can be really rude, even though I know they usually don't mean to be. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Dino Crisis 2. I finished her playthrough of Final Fantasy X, so now I feel a void in my soul that I am trying to fill with a new series lmao. Do you burn incense? Not really anymore. I'm not against it, I just... haven't. What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheese-Itz. Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? Yeah; I can name a few, actually. My dad loves Billy Joel, so I heard him a lot growing up. "Piano Man" is a classic. Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I actually really like the Jolly Rancher ones. Have you ever been kissed while sitting atop the hood of a car? That's actually possible... but I'm not sure. I think I have a faint memory of lying on a car hood with Jason before. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I don't like calling a piercing either of those, like if they make someone feel more confident and attractive, good for them. I can say I'm personally not a fan of the smiley piercing, though. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. When I was a kid at a birthday party, though, one of the girls did. Does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? She helps a lot, yeah. What is one song that always brings back memories every time you hear it? Honestly, too many. I attach way too aggressively to songs. Do you currently have any pimples? Not currently, no. Did anything disturb your sleep at all last night? Ugh, yes. I couldn't sleep for shit. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? I have only seen one picture of Jason with the girl he dated after me and it. Set. Me. On. Fucking. Fire. It's pathetic. If you’re not in college, why? All it did was give me emotional breakdowns. What do you think about MTV? I am way too out of the loop on what goes on on any TV channel to answer this. What was your very first day of your very first job like? What’d you do? How long did it take you to get the hang of it, and feel comfortable with working? This was waaaay too long ago... All I remember is actually being hopeful, though nervous. I never got to the point of feeling comfortable there. Or at any job. If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? We don't have a dog, but we do have a cat that is EXTREMELY skittish around strangers. Someone he doesn't know comes through the door? He's bolting to hide. Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving? Well, I got flipped off once by a driver, so... I'd consider that a silent comment. I, to this day, don't know why they (it was a group of guys) did it, but it's stuck with me. What was the last thing to move you? Are you easily moved or inspired? The ending of FFX alsdkfjkaljlkwjer. And yes. If you`ve ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them? Was it like a dream come true? If you`ve never seen them, do you think you would? I haven't, but I probably would a little bit. Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who are some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from? From America's Got Talent, I adore(d) Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., as well as Prince Poppycock. I keep up with them both on Facebook. Ever had a friend named Alex or John? One of my closest online friends was Alex. A couple years ago she just... got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the earth. Are you happy with your relationship status? I mean... no, I'm ridiculously lonely, but being single is for the best right now. What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? Just ketchup and mustard. Have you ever been in a spelling bee? No. What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? Mom absolutely always assumes she's right. Dad repeats himself like CRAZY. Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Actually, the doctors couldn't determine mine (or any of Mom's kids') because my legs were ALWAYS crossed when they did ultrasounds. Mom says she "knew" I was a girl, though. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I'm addicted to caffeine, yes. Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? Hm, I dunno. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have very severe sleep apnea that results in very violent nightmares almost any time I sleep without my APAP mask. Even WITH the damn mask, I have them a lot. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? *shrug* Do you have trouble reading small fonts? Yes. I used to find it aesthetically pleasing, but my vision is just too bad now, even with my (shitty) glasses. Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? I think so. Do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating? Absolutely!! The last time you had sex: did you want it, or did the other person want it? ... You know it's supposed to be a mutual desire, right?? What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt." Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Maybe? I'm unsure. Did/do you believe them? Hell no. I don't believe in psychics and believe people who claim to be so are manipulative pieces of shit. Is anything annoying you right now? I am bored to an inexplicable level askldjfla;wejlr. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? No. Have you ever felt abandoned? Well yes. By definition, my dad abandoned our family. Where are you? I’m in my bed. What’s been the worst part of this day? I've just been so, so bored. I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with anhedonia. Who last encouraged you to better yourself? My therapist.

[elyreywrites]

so tell me what you want to hear

a gift for @bionerd2point0 for the Capes & Coffee Discord server’s gift exchange!! a huge thank you to my betas for this fic: Oceans and Tasteofpaint!!

title is from One Republic’s “Secrets”!

please REBLOG - DO NOT REPOST

AO3 Link

Teen 3,714 words Tim Drake/Jason Todd

Summary:

And here Tim was, about to ask his goddamn crush to be his fake boyfriend.

He couldn’t do this, he absolutely, positively, could not—

This was a huge mistake.

- - - - -

Tim stared at the phone, at the contact pulled up, and wished for some sign to either call or suffer through the whole situation. He could suffer through it, but… Tim was fed up with being asked the same question every time he was out in public.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Who are you dating?”

“Is there anyone special in your life right now?”

Ever since he turned eighteen, the vicious sharks that made up the press were desperate for the details of his romantic life. Bruce had said it would blow over soon enough, once some new sensational story came about, but four months later they were still going strong. Tim was at the end of his rope with them.

There were only so many times he could say, “No comment.” It hadn’t made any difference at all in four months. Apparently, being the youngest CEO in history and of such a huge company made him very eligible. While the chatter had calmed down a bit over time, it was still present enough that something had to be done. Something drastic.

Something he was dreading.

All he needed for a few weeks was a fake date, a partner that would get the vultures off his back. It had to be someone he knew because it had to seem authentic. That was a short list though. Dick wasn’t an option. Kon, Bart, and Cassie were all out because they were all busy and they’d have to be in Gotham. Stephanie and Tam were just… no. He wasn’t doing that. That really only left the first and last person Tim would ever want to pick.

Jason.

Once upon a time, Jason had been his Robin, his hero, the person he wanted to make proud almost as much as his parents. The hero-worship had died when Tim nearly did. Tim’s crush did too, but that didn’t stay gone. It took a few years, Jason apologizing, and the Reds working a few cases together, but it returned with a vengeance.

And here he was, about to ask his goddamn crush to be his fake boyfriend. Tim would be lucky if this didn’t break the shaky… truce? Friendship? Whatever it was they had. Tim would like to call them friends, but did Jason think they were friends? Oh god, Jason probably didn’t think they were friends.

He couldn’t do this, he absolutely, positively, could not—

The soft chime of his phone’s reminder tone broke him out of the downward spiral of his thoughts. The notification popped up, dragging his attention from Jason’s contact. Right, he was supposed to appear on some talk show tomorrow. Youngest and most eligible CEO and all. He just knew they’d try to pry into his love life.

Tim had to do this. Before he could rethink it, he pressed dial. At the first ring, he almost panicked and chucked it across the room instinctively. This was a terrible idea, but it was the lesser of the two evils. He was just about ready to snap and really tear into the press. Physically, verbally, he wasn’t even sure at this point.

Jason answered on the third ring. “What’s up, Timbo? You don’t call very often.”

This was a huge mistake.

“I need you to do me a big favor.”

“That depends,” Jason drawled, “on what the favor is.”

Wincing, Tim said in a rush, “I need you to be my fake boyfriend for a little while so the press will stop hounding me for details on a love life I don’t have.”

Silence. Every moment without a response made it harder for Tim to breathe. He had fucked up, he had fucked up, abort, abort—

Jason snorted. “You know, I was wondering how you were holding up with that. I’ve seen the news about it. Guess this answers my question, huh?”

“Guess it does. Any chance you could answer mine?” Nerves and stress made him snarky, okay? The past few months were rough, Tim thought he could be forgiven.

“Yeah, Timmy, I can help you get them out of your hair for a little while,” Jason said. “Alright, do you want to figure out our epic love story right now, or is there something you need to do?”

Tim sighed, relaxing bonelessly into the couch. “Now please. I have to be on some morning talk show tomorrow, and they’re going to ask.”

The next hour and a half, Tim swung wildly between excitement over getting to date his crush and hopeless misery that it was fake. They both gave the okay for holding hands, going on dates, even kissing to sell this charade. He would get to do all of that with Jason, which kind of made him want to bury his face in a pillow and scream like a complete cliche. As soon as they were out of the public eye, though? There wouldn’t be anyone to pretend for. All bets would be off.

The next few months were going to be amazing and terrible all at once.

Tim didn’t sleep much that night.

- - - - -

This was absolutely a mistake and Tim should have just suffered through the continual questioning about his non-existent love life. What the hell had he been thinking?! Sleep-Deprived Tim made terrible choices, honestly. Sure, he could totally fake-date his sort of long-time crush! That wouldn’t end in disaster and heartbreak at all ! 

Real and fake heartbreak, even, because they had a messy break-up planned. It was going to happen in two months in public, and he would cry – that probably wouldn’t be fake – and the press would hopefully feel sorry enough for him to not pester him about romance for a while.

Tim was absolutely doomed. He literally set himself up for failure.

“Mr. Drake-Wayne?”

Tim startled, staring at the assistant that had called his name.

“You go on in 5 minutes,” the assistant said.

This whole situation was messing him up. He was usually more aware of his surroundings, but he kept getting lost in thought because he was fake-dating his crush and one-time hero. Oh god.

Focus. Talk show. They’ll inevitably ask, and then he has to get to work on selling this whole… thing.

He heard clapping and then the assistant gave him a nod. “That’s your cue,” they said. Tim walked out, his CEO-Drake Heir smile firmly in place.

To his surprise, the host, a woman in her mid-thirties, stayed on script and didn’t ask if he was dating anyone until halfway through the show. When the question did come, Tim coughed and glanced away. The flush on his face wasn’t fake because for a couple months everyone would think that someone like Jason would date Tim, of all people. Jason Todd was legally dead, but he was handsome and kind and he would publicly be dating Tim. No, his blushing was very real, but that only worked to help sell the act even more. 

“Oh,” the host teased, “that look says you are. Who’s the lucky lady? Or maybe you haven’t asked her out yet?”

His head snapped towards her with a very real scowl on his face. “He and I only started dating recently. It’s still pretty new, and I’m not willing to share more at this time. We would like to figure out our relationship before we face the scrutiny of the public.”

He almost smirked at her stiffly pleasant smile. She was trying to hide her shock, and to the inexperienced eye, she succeeded. However, Tim was a detective on a different level altogether. Plus, with Cass for a sister, he was bound to pick up something from the master of reading body language and expressions.

“‘He’, huh?” she said cheerfully for the camera. “That’s quite a surprise – you’ve had multiple girlfriends in the past.”

Tim hummed, “Yes, I’m bisexual, though I recently realized that I lean more towards men than women. See, something a lot of people don’t understand is that it’s like a scale and everyone has their own preferences. It took me a long time to come to terms with that because of the heteronormativity in our society and the compulsory heterosexuality that many of us in the LGBTQ+ community have to work through.” He smiled back at her, projecting as much innocence as he could as he derailed her interview.

“Ah. Congratulations on finding yourself, then,” the host grinned. Tim saw the panic in her eyes. Her interview with the young, eligible CEO had gone in an unexpected direction and she had no idea what to do.

Meanwhile, he was having the time of his life, and he was fairly sure Jason would be howling when he watched it. If Tim had to suffer through pretending to date Jason, he was going to enjoy any suffering others went through along the way. This woman was the first.

Tim sure as hell wasn’t going to regret coming out very publicly and speaking out about some of the problems in their society. He wasn’t even worried that much about how this would affect Wayne Enterprises – Bruce would back him up. He’d probably even be proud of Tim.

The rest of the show went very smoothly. All personal questions disappeared completely as the host stuck to discussing the various community projects that Wayne Enterprises had. It was rather frustrating that it took a fake-boyfriend and shocking the host of a morning talk show to actually be asked about his work, though.

- - - - -

His phone was blowing up with notifications by the time he was free from the cameras. Oh the joys of a live show and a family that either really supported him or wanted to find something to taunt him about – it was difficult to tell. All he knew was that Bruce, Dick, Alfred, Stephanie, and Cass usually tried to watch any time he appeared on TV. Which meant they all heard that he had a boyfriend, and he was about to be pestered to the ends of the earth.

He sighed but accepted the call coming in. “Hey Dick,” he greeted, projecting as much innocence as he could into his voice. It worked a lot better when he was younger and happier. Now he was a bit too tired and jaded to sell it.

“Timmy! I just wanted to check in,” Dick said pointedly. “You know, see if there’s anything new in your life. Maybe something you neglected to tell me?”

Humming, Tim pretended to think it over. “Nope, can’t think of anything,” he said finally as he continued to his car and climbed in.

On the other end of the line there was a quiet squawk and a scuffling sound, then a click. “Tim,” Bruce cut in and oh, he was definitely on speaker now. That meant they were ganging up on him, instead of letting him deal with them one by one. “You have a boyfriend.”

Tim didn’t answer – it hadn’t been a question, after all.

“Master Timothy, I do believe all of us feel hurt that you neglected to inform us of this development,” Alfred reprimanded.

Oh shit, now Alfred was in on this. Dammit, he really preferred dealing with them one at a time. “Alfred, it’s… complicated, but I promise that it’s a very new development! I haven’t been hiding it for days or anything, I swear. How about I come to the manor for lunch today and I’ll explain?”

“Very good Master Timothy,” Alfred sniffed. “I shall set out a place setting for you.”

Alfred hung up the phone, cutting off Dick and Bruce’s protesting.

Tim stared at his phone for a second and then hurried home. He needed to talk to Jason. He also needed to grab something for the inevitable headache. Any lunch with the whole family resulted in a headache, but at least this one might prove somewhat entertaining as well.

Tim collapsed carelessly across his couch, and dug his phone out of his pocket. With a resigned sigh, he dialed Jason.

When he picked up, Tim didn’t bother offering or waiting for a greeting. “You have to come to the manor for lunch.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the line. Then, Jason asked, “Why the hell should I do that?”

Tim groaned and sunk deeper into his couch. “Bruce, Dick, and Alfred watched the talk show this morning—” Tim waited for Jason to stop snickering. So he did watch it then. At least he enjoyed it, apparently. “Yeah. They weren’t happy that they hadn’t been informed. It was fine when it was just Bruce and Dick, but then Alfred spoke up. Jay, he used the Disappointed In You voice. I had to say something!”

“Yeah,” Jason sighed, “that would do it. So, what did you say? That it’s fake or that we’re dating? Or both.”

“I said it was complicated and very recent.” Tim smirked and added, “I also said I would go to the manor for lunch and explain. If you come with me, you can see Dick and Bruce’s reactions first-hand and we can troll them a little more. Alfred will get the truth out of us pretty quick, but we can have some fun with this before he does.”

“You sneaky bastard.” He knew Jason well enough that he could almost feel Jason’s glare. “Alright fine, you little shit. I’ll be there for lunch so we can mess with those fuckers.”

Tim refrained from cheering – that would only make Jason change his mind. Well, he didn’t cheer out loud. Cheering internally was perfectly acceptable. Though this was going to be his first test at acting like Jason’s boyfriend for a little while. Why did Tim keep putting himself in these situations?

“Alright, see you there,” he said before hanging up. Tim hauled himself off the couch and headed for the kitchen. Coffee was imperative and he still needed to grab some medicine. After today, he’d know for sure whether fake-dating Jason would be amazing or painful.

An hour later, Jason was just climbing off his motorcycle when Tim pulled up to the manor. He waited for Tim to climb off his own bike and then murmured, “How do we want to do this?”

Tim paused. “What are you comfortable with?”

“I can put my arm around your shoulders, if you’re cool with that?” he offered. “Feel free to wrap your arm around my waist.”

Snickering, Tim walked over close enough for Jason to get his arm around him, and Jason pulled him into his side. He tried not to lean into the warmth, but if Jason did notice, hopefully Tim could pass it off as his usual touch-starvation.

Trolling Dick and Bruce was going to be hilarious.

Dick threw open the door just as they were walking up. When he did, his hands were on his hips and he looked ready to scold Tim for all his secret-keeping – something that never went over well in a family of detectives. Then it registered what he was seeing and the only way Tim could describe it was that Dick blue-screened. His face went blank and Tim could almost see an error message pop up.

Dick.exe has stopped working.

“Hey Dick,” Tim said casually, jumping right into it, “Jason’s my boyfriend.” As soon as he said it, he wondered if this was really the best plan. Jason was definitely on better terms with the family now, but there was still a chance that they’d react badly, and that might hurt Jason because as much as he tried to hide it, he still wanted their approval at times and oh god—

Dick grinned, and just – what? Yeah, Tim was glad that this was apparently being received well, but that… wasn’t the response he was expecting. At all. He was expecting shock, stuttering and stumbling and confusion ! Not… this.

“Finally!” Dick burst out. “Oh my god, we’ve all been waiting for you two to get together for ages! I guess this means Bruce wins the bet, then.” He mock-scowled at them. “Really, you two? You couldn’t have waited until one of you was in danger and then confessed? Or is that what happened? Oh my god, if that happened and none of us heard about one of you being in serious danger then the lecture on keeping secrets is going to be so much worse.”

“What.” Jason said.

Tim, however, was well on his way to panicking and fleeing Gotham entirely. Apparently, everyone else had picked up on his crush. Okay, sure, he wasn’t really surprised Dick knew after all the times he gushed about Jason to Dick, but enough people for a betting pool? How did everyone else find out? He’d been subtle! Of all the possible ways this could end terribly that had run through his head, he never thought Jason would find out because Dick couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Dick shrugged, “Yeah, we were betting on you two. I’m not sure why you’re so surprised. I mean, really, after all the other bets we make? I’m just glad you two finally got your shit together.”

He huffed, looking reproachfully at Jason. “Little Wing, I love you, but if I had to listen to one more phone call about how much you wish you had never attacked Tim because he’s wonderful and amazing and he didn’t deserve what you did to him – I was going to scream. And Tim, Baby Bird…” Dick looked at him, raising an eyebrow, “I really don’t need to listen to another twenty minute rant about how incredible Jay is and how you’re so happy he’s doing better now. I mean, you two were ridiculous. Bruce had to listen to me whine about it.”

Tim.exe has stopped working, Tim thought, trying to process all of that with his brain moving at a snail’s pace. Because it sounded like Jason liked him too, but that – that couldn’t possibly be right. There was absolutely no way his feelings were reciprocated. Tim risked a glance at Jason, half-terrified of what he’d see, but Jason didn’t seem confused or disgusted or anything like that. No, he was just as utterly gobsmacked as Tim was, but that didn’t mean he felt the same.

“Man, you have no idea how heartbroken I was when I thought you had started dating someone else,” Dick continued, oblivious to their reactions. “I knew you thought Jason probably thought you were an annoying pest at best, so I thought you’d given up and started dating someone new. Meanwhile, Jason was absolutely convinced that you couldn’t like him after the whole Pit Madness thing. But I am so glad you two worked it all out!”

“We’re fake-dating to get the press off my back,” Tim blurted.

Jason’s head snapped to look at Tim. “You think that I think you’re an annoying pest?”

“Okay , so uh,” Dick rocked back on his heels, “it looks like you two have some things to discuss. I’m just… going to go inside now. Lunch will be ready in ten minutes, so try to have it sorted by then? Come in once you do. Uh. Good luck?” He slipped inside and closed the door.

Tim stared at the closed door, trying not to stare at his… at Jason. Oh god. What even were they now? He was still pressed up against Jason’s side. Why was he pressed up against Jason’s side? He really should not be—

As Tim tried to slide his hand away, the arm wrapped around his shoulders tightened, holding him in place. Then, Jason was in front of him, tucking Tim’s face into his chest and resting his chin on top of Tim’s head. Tim would forever deny that he squeaked.

“For the record, I don’t think you’re an annoying pest at all. The Demon Brat, sure, but I think you’re actually pretty fucking incredible,” Jason said.

“Oh,” Tim whispered. “I think you’re really awesome too. And I forgave you a while ago for what happened while you were still dealing with the Pit Madness. I promise I don’t hold it against you.”

“I don’t deserve that, Baby Bird. I tried to kill you, multiple times. I know for a fact that you’ve got scars from my attempts, so why would you—”

“That wasn’t you,” Tim cut in firmly, dislodging Jason to glare up at him. “That wasn’t you acting as yourself. I mean, it was the Pit influencing you and twisting things. Then on top of that, you were dealing with the trauma of dying and digging yourself out of your grave! It wasn’t you, Jay, and you’re not like that anymore. You’re so much better now, and I’m so glad because you’re happier. I just like seeing you happy.” Tim’s cheeks burned as he realized what he said. He groaned, hiding his face back against Jason’s chest.

Tim felt Jason’s chuckle. “Shut up,” he muttered.

“I like seeing you happy too,” Jason admitted. “Since Dick spilled everything already, I’ll go ahead and say that I like you, Tim. It’s why I agreed to be your fake-boyfriend. I wasn’t sure whether I was dreading or looking forward to the next couple of months. How would you feel about dating for real?”

Tim pulled away, eyes wide. “Yes, please, oh my god I was so not looking forward to the staged break-up. I was going to actually cry without needing to pretend at all.”

Jason laughed louder that time. “I would have probably held it together until I got back to my apartment. I already decided that I was going to be eating a lot more ice cream.” Tim tried to bury his grin in Jason’s chest, but Jason huffed and pulled back. “As fucking adorable as that is, didn’t I just say that I liked seeing you happy? Come on, don’t hide that pretty smile from me.”

“Oh my god, stop. We’re about to have lunch with our entire family, can you please not make me look like a tomato,” he groaned.

“Alright, alright, I’ll lay off for now. Let’s get inside, Baby Bird.”

“How much do you want to bet that they’ve been watching us through the windows?” Tim grumbled.

Jason shook his head as he started leading him towards the door. “I’m sure as fuck not taking that bet.”

[queerbutstillhere]

Hi how are you? Yo remember that Jercy fluff piece with them realizing they’re gay for each other and both going ‘oh’. If you are up to it please make a part 2 it was so cute and I want them to like confess or something I stg you are such a good writer and your stuff is so cute thankssssa ❤️❤️🥰🥰

HI! Thanks for Asking!!! I’ve been wanting to write a part two to this for a while!!!! Click the link just below for part one!

Part One!

It had been two weeks since their sleep over.

Neither one had addressed anything, but the sad pining from across the dining pavilion and the mildly sexual sparing fights and the constant flirting was driving their friends insane.

(So insane that they had literally made a bet on when the two were going to get together. Nico and Annabeth said it wouldn't be until the last day of summer camp, while Will and Grover insisted it'd be within the first few weeks.)

The truth of the matter was neither one of them had any idea how to handle this. 

Sure they had both been in relationships, but that was with girls, plus what if the other one didn't feel the same? Coming out to themselves had been a whole thing on its own, let alone coming out to their friends. Percy had told Annabeth first, and she just smiled and ruffled his hair. Meanwhile Jason nearly had a breakdown, bursting in on Will and Nico(who had been trying to have a nice evening in) and just ranted to them for nearly twenty minutes. They had heard so much about how hot Percy was in those twenty minutes. Nico had responded bluntly with "then go fucking kiss him, you dumbass".

"But what if he hates me after!" Jason had cried, truly distraught.

"He's not going to, trust us, Jason," Will had assured him.

Jason had promptly ignored their advice and returned to wallowing in self misery and hopeless pining. If only he had known it wasn't hopeless.

Percy, on the other hand, was accepting this rather gracefully. He wasn't terribly surprised he was bisexual, or pansexual, whatever. He'd spent enough time in Camp Jupiter, working out with hot Romans to have begun to realize that he wasn't just attracted to women. The problem was that he was hardcore crushing on his best friend. The boyscout, Jason Grace. Who was probably straight.

Why was his life a constant wheel of disappointment?

So, with the two idiots hopelessly in love and hopelessly dancing around each other, their friends abandoned the bet and decided to start playing matchmaker. Their rules were simple, however. They would not outright tell one that the other was crushing, because it was Percy and Jason's job to come out to the other. Even if it was so painful to watch.

There were so many times when they had arranged a group hangout, and then everyone else bailed fairly early, in the hopes that they would get talking and confess. But alas. It had yet to happen, and they were nearing mid July.

The turning point came when a group of them were hanging out around a campfire, late at night, and Percy, having forgotten that he hadn't told everyone, just spoke without thinking.

"I'm thinking about coming out to my mom."

There was a brief pause of silence before Will spoke.

"Yeah? How do you think she'll react?"

"Dunno, I think she'll be okay?" Percy said, glancing up from his intense staring into the fire, and then looking over at Jason.

Jason's blue eyes were the size of the full moon behind him, his mouth hanging open.

"What?" Percy asked with a laugh, and then it hit him.

Jason didn't know.

"Oh," he said softly. "Yeah I'm . . . Bi or something."

"O-oh," Jason squeaked out, voice cracking uncharacteristically. "Cool."

Nico suddenly burst out in laughter, immediately getting yelled at by Will and Katie Gardner. Percy frowned at them, before glancing at Jason, nervousness filling him. What was Jason thinking? He was chill with Nico and Will, surely he'd be okay with Percy being Bi?

Surely.

Jason was freaking out. Very silently. He did know how to keep his chill. But he was struggling. Because his brain was a screaming mess of "oh my gods he's bi. Oh my gods I might actually have a chance with him. Oh my gods-". Listen, he's just a chaotic, messy disaster bisexual, he doesn't know how to do these things.

It took nearly two days for him to bring it up, and even then it was just to Nico at breakfast.

"How long have you guys known he was bi?" Jason asked softly.

Today Nico was sitting with him. Will had pulled a late night at the infirmary and was still asleep, so Nico had no reason to sit with the Apollo cabin. The big three kids usually sat together, but Percy had gone home for the weekend, so it was just Jason and Nico sitting at what would have been the Cabin 1 table, but had just become the joint table.

"For like, weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me!"

Nico shrugged, pushing around his eggs on his plate. "Wasn't my place? You remember when Eros outed me?"

"Oh, right. Shit. . . "

Another shrug from the younger teen. They sat in silence.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"What!" Jason asked, glancing up at Nico, who was now done with his eggs.

"Percy? Are you gonna tell him you're not straight?"

"I dunno. I dunno what I am."

Nico frowned, reaching to steal Jason's bacon. Jason didn't complain.

"What do you mean."

"It's like…. It's hard to explain. Like." Jason sighed, turning to face Nico. "Katie is really pretty, right?"

Nico turned to look at their friend, shrugging lightly. "Yeah."

"But I'm not like… attracted to her, or really, any woman? And when I realized I thought, oh, maybe I'm gay, but like. Malcom is really handsome. And I'm not attracted to him either."

Nico's gaze swung to the co-counselor of the Athena cabin. Then he looked back to Jason, frowning lightly.

"So then I was thinking, maybe I'm ace?" Jason continued, rambling now, more than anything. "But bro, Percy is hot as hell, and I'm incredibly attracted to him. So I'm just confused."

Nico was silent, staring down at the table.

"Demisexual?" He said randomly.

"What? What's that?"

"It just. . . Demisexual's don't really experience sexual attraction unless they have a strong emotional bond with someone. It's kinda what you just described to me."

Jason stared at him with wide eyes."Holy shit."

Nico smirked slightly, collecting his dishes and standing. "I gotta go get Will, but feel free to come chat during lunch."

"Yeah," Jason murmured, staring at the table and Nico walked away.

Mind blown.

By the time Percy got back Monday, Jason was mostly through his crisis. He had spent most of his free time Sunday researching sexualities and mostly demisexual. He felt that Nico had been right. 

Percy came jogging over after his return Monday afternoon. Jason was in the middle of sparring with a kid from the Ares cabin when Percy called him over.

"Hold on," Jason told his opponent as he stepped back. 

He still fought with the Roman style, and it drove the Greeks insane, Percy most especially.

"Yeah, sure," the younger camper said with an amused smirk.

Jason turned away and walked over to Percy. He was wearing an orange t-shirt and what looked like boardshorts, as well as sandals, and a couple bracelets that ran up his forearms. He was grinning, sunglasses pushing his messy black hair up.

"Hey, boy scout," Percy hummed, hands in his pockets.

"Hey, Percy, how was your weekend?" Jason asked, throwing an arm around Percy's shoulders and leaning on him.

Percy groaned dramatically, tilting his head away. "You're gross!" He exclaimed, yet slipped his arm around Jason's stomach, turning and leading him away from the other kids who were sparing in the small arena.

Jason couldn't ignore the flutter in his stomach as Percy's strong arm pulled him in tight against his side.

"My weekend was great. Estelle was so stoked to see me, we went to the park all day Saturday while mom and Paul went out grocery shopping."

"That's great!" Jason exclaimed, thinking faintly that he couldn't wait to see Thalia.

"Yup, and I talked to mom and Paul. . ."

Percy had stopped walking but hadn't let go of Jason yet, swaying them back and forth lightly.

"What about?" Jason asked, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to remember.

Percy looked down at him, looking amused.

"What?" Jason asked with a slight laugh, head tilted to be able to look at Percy comfortably.

"I was coming out to them this weekend?"

Oh gods Jason was an idiot.

"Fuck, I forgot!”

Percy laughed, eyes crinkling slightly. Jason's heart fluttered as his friend grinned down at him.

"Did you have a busy weekend?"

"Uh, a little? Nico and I hung out most of Saturday, Sunday I was in charge of activities."

"Oh yeah? It's good that you and Nico are so close," Percy hummed out.

"Yeah. He's a good kid. Wiser than his age."

"That's for sure."

They looked up at each other in silence for a bit, neither speaking, they were incredibly close, Jason could probably just lean in and kiss him…

Two things happened at once. First, Jason watched Percy's eyes flicker down to his lips, as he licked his own and started to lean in. And then they both heard the explosion from across camp.

"Oh shit," Percy exclaimed, pulling away. 

Annoyed shouting could be heard.

"Harley," they both said at once, then laughed.

"I got it," Percy said, pulling away. "See you 'round!"

Jason watched him jog away and just then processed that Percy had been about to kiss him.

Thursday night at campfire was the next time they were actually anything close to alone. They were sitting together, off to one side, munching on their smores and listening to campfire songs.

"Hey, do you wanna get out of here?"

Jason looked over at Percy, realizing suddenly that Percy was looking at him and not the campfire.

"What?"

"Come on, we're counselor's aren't we? Let's abuse our powers," Percy told him, standing and offering his hand to Jason.

Jason put his clean hand(his other one had marshmallow on it) in Percy's and let himself be pulled up. Percy snagged a bag of marshmallows and led Jason towards the lake.

"Why'd you get the marshmallows?" Jason asked with a laugh as he sat on the dock.

"The nymphs like them."

Percy ripped open the bag and pulled a few out. He held his hand out and a few nymphs popped out of the water, snatching them and then disappearing.

"Huh. . . " Jason said softly, staring at the ripples in the water. Percy kicked off his shoes and then sat next to Jason, dangling his feet into the lake. 

They sat in silence for a while, shoulders just barely brushing, Percy occasionally giving the nymphs more marshmallows, occasionally eating one himself.

"Hey, Percy."

"Yeah?"

"I think. . . " Jason stopped, clearing his throat. He was staring at the water, watching the way it rippled around Percy's ankles. "I think I'm demisexual."

Percy was silent for a bit, then looked over. "Okay. . . Could you explain that to me?"

Jason smiled slightly as they made eye contact, he carefully explained it to Percy, who listened silently, absorbing this information, his feet kicking through the water as he thought.

"Thank you for telling me, Jason," Percy said softly, putting his hand on Jason's thigh. "And I support you completely."

"Thanks," Jason said softly, smiling at Percy.

Percy grinned back, offering him a marshmallow then looking back over the lake. Silence stretched over them, they could faintly hear the campfire songs drifting over.

"Percy?" Jason said softly, trying to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

Percy looked over at him, and Jason leaned in, quickly kissing him. Percy made a slightly surprised noise but was instantly pressing back into him. Jason pulled away first, just far enough that he could look at Percy in the pale moonlight. Percy swallowed, licking his lips before leaning in and kissing Jason again, hand resting on his leg.

"Wow," Jason breathed out.

Percy started laughing, falling back to lay on the dock.

"Hey!" Jason protested, hitting his friend's stomach. 

"I'm sorry! But we kiss and what you have to say is 'neat'?!"

"Shut up! I didn't think you actually liked me back!!!"

Percy just laughed and shook his head, looking up at him.

"Jason, you were literally my gay awakening."

Jason felt his eyes go wide. "Oh-"

Percy grinned at him. "You remember that weekend you spent the night at my house?"

Jason nodded.

"That's when I realized I was attracted to guys, and specifically you."

"Oh. . . " Jason said, yet again.

Percy nudged his hip. "And here I was worrying you did like me like that."

Jason made a noise that can only be typed as 'ajdjshdhs', shaking his head rapidly. "No. You're- you're the first person I've actually felt this way towards in. . . Well a long time."

"Really? Not even Piper?"

Jason shook his head. "That was a weird situation . . ."

Percy shrugged. "Yeah, you're right."

He sat up and turned to face Jason, crossing his legs. Then he laughed again, shaking his head.

“Wow.” He whispered, mocking Jason.

"Shut up!" Jason yelled, lunging and shoving the still laughing Percy off the dock. 

Send me a prompt!

[bluboothalassophile]

Ooooor, hehehe, Jason ends up in the Calm in the Storm U and runs into Raven but she thinks he is her Jason and she is all over him. Which in turn freaks him out for obvious denial reason.

Hello,

And we continue this disaster to torment Jason! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Diabolical Universal Arguments

Jason followed Raven through streets of a village in England;he didn’t think it was London but it didn’t look familiar to him so he couldn’tname it. Part of him thought they were near Windsor, but he wasn’t sure.

“So, tell me about yourself Jason,” Raven asked as she startedbraiding her long hair.

“Nothing to tell,” he shrugged.

“Well, why don’t you tell me why you’re not with me in youruniverse,” she offered.

“Uh… no,” he stated.

“Oh come on, I bet I’ve heard it all from my Jason before.”

“And how old were you and your Jay when you got together?”

“Officially?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Twenty and twenty-two,” she stated promptly.

“That’s young,” he said.

“And you’re what, thirty now?” she asked.

“Aren’t your Jay and I the same age?”

“No, I don’t think so, you feel… older,” Raven said cautiously.

“I turned thirty two months ago,” he said.

“Ah,” she smiled. “That’d make me twenty-eight or thereabouts?”

“Yes.”

“I’m twenty-six,” Raven stated.

“Huh, you don’t really age,” he promised. She chuckled.

“Demon, and celestial being, I age how I want to,” Raven promised.

“Cool,” he nodded.

“But seriously, why aren’t we together?” Raven asked.

“Well, for one I just broke up with Jessica Cruz,” he said.

“Not Kara?”

“No, Kara’s not really my type, though I suppose she’d be aninteresting bed partner.” He said carefully.

“My Jason was in a serious off and on relationship with herfor two years before we got together.”

“Well, blondes aren’t my type, never really liked them.”

“Good to know.”

“And there’s the matter of you’re dating Koryak in my world,”he said.

“I’m what!?”

“Yeah, and you’re Rachel, not Raven, and a lot of shit’shappened between being twenty and stupid and thirty.”

“Like what?”

“You died.”

Raven blinked at that answer.

“You died. You’re back, but you’re not… you’re not you,” he saidwith a frustrated gesture. “You’re you in the ways that make you you, but you’renot fully you.”

“How so?”

“You think you’re Rachel Roth, human witch, you attendedGrimwood Academy, have two moms, and a brother, were adopted when your mothersmuggled you out of a cult and dropped you off in the middle of a November stormat a fire station, recently reunited with her aunt and cousins and bloodfamily. You’re not… you’re not Raven.” Jason said as he dragged his hand throughhis hair. It had been frustrating at times, but as a whole their relationshiphadn’t changed. They were best friends, Rae still came whenever he called forher, her soul though was split. According to everyone it would remain splituntil a merge happened, but the other half of her soul; the part that wasRaven, was missing. Tethered to an earthly desire, a bond that was unbreakable,but no one understood what that was. Or they claimed not to.

There were times he’d see Lucifer, or one of the Winchesters,or her cousins and family looking at him expectantly like he was supposed to fixthis. He didn’t know how to fix it or why they thought he could.

“I see,” Raven muttered.

“What do you see?”

“We bond, it appears that regardless of the universe, orrelationship we have a bond,” she said. “I pick you, the bond is returned whenyou pick me back. If I died, and you were in distress I would pick you, I wouldpick you over everything happening to me. And if I was resurrected, I’mprobably split, and a part of me is tethered around your soul to protect you. Ipick you, but this only works if you picked me back.”

“Well you did apparently get obsessive about getting toGotham for a year or two, focused on ‘Jason’ but according to the Winchestersyou never elaborated on that,” he said. Habit and familiarity had him tucking astray strand of hair behind her ear then. Raven tilted her head into his touch.

“I would, the bond, it’s like magnets, I’m drawn to you, andyou to me, so even if I’m Rachel, mortal witch, in soul and thought then thepart of me which is Raven is going to drag me to you, regardless of who Iremember being.”

“Well, that’s why we’re not together,” he stated.

“Any other reasons?”

“I’m a fucking disaster,” he offered.

“Jason, you’re always a disaster,” Raven teased.

“A valid reason not to fuck up my best relationship,” he assuredher.

“Wuss,” she decided.

“I am not!”

“You are too! I can feel how much you love me,” Ravenpointed out.

“Fucking empaths,” he muttered.

“You should just shut up and kiss me already,” Raven decided.

“Again, you got a boyfriend,” Jason pointed out.

“You could totally take him,” she dismissed.

“I don’t really think that’s the point little bird,” heinsisted.

“Do you love me?”

“You’re the empath,” he countered.

“Well then know that I love you, get over yourself dumbass,”she stated.

“You’re a bitch,” he stated.

“And you’re a bastard, what a pair we are!” she smiledsweetly.

“I’m not doing this,” he insisted.

“And if I do a soul mate spell would you believe me thatthis is the best thing ever,” she demanded.

“I don’t doubt you little bird.”

“You better not,” she warned.

“Never. But there’s the issue of my you is dating someoneelse,” he pointed out.

“Yes, but they’re not having sex, so it doesn’t seemserious.”

“I did not need that thought in my head,” he grumbled.

“You’d be lying if you said you don’t already,” she pointedout.

“And sex does not make or break a relationship, sunshine.”

“No, but it’s fun,” she pointed out. “And we have that bondwhich just intensifies it.”

“You’re diabolical,” he decided.

“But you love me!” she cooed.

He glared sourly at her.

“We’re here!” she stated as she turned to grab a door, hecaught her waist as he grabbed the door to the shop; Hocus & Pokus OccultCurioso, as his hand came to the small of Raven’s back and he followed her.

[mrsvasiliev]

Guess what I did instead of working on that Shobbs fic?

So instead of writing that fic I promised @thefuckingwarship, I compiled a list! A list that is fueled by my love for Jason Statham.  But this is not a typical “actor crush” where I think an actor is hot or charming. This is what I call a “dad crush” where I often find myself wishing his badass characters would be my dad. It probably has to do with the fact that he spends two movies bonding with little Chinese girls. As a former little Chinese girl, I am very affected. So I made a list, with notes, ranking every character I’ve seen him play in order of my dad preference. Please feel free to add to this or disagree with me. I’d love to hear other people’s opinions on his dad potential.  (I’ll get back to working on that fic I swear!)

Metrics: 

Ranking: My order of preference for how much I want them to be my dad. Not necessarily logical. Not fully based on other ratings.

Fun factor: how much fun you have when you are with him. How funny/cool they are. Does not indicate care/ reliability/ bond.

Dad factor: reliability. emotional availability. protectiveness. General dad qualities. 

1. Jonas Taylor - charming and good with kids. Not an “emotionally stunted tough guy”. Has good healthy relationships with everyone. Lives in a world where it’s “take your kids to work day” every day, which means awesome ocean adventures and learning how to fight sharks. Fun Factor: 10/10   Dad Factor: 9/10

2. Phil Broker -  Like Jonas, he is also good with kids, emotionally available and balanced.  Stay at home dad, with dad powers at 1000%. Will rescue you single-handedly from kidnappers. Will go horseback riding with you after school. Will do literally anything for you, from kicking asses to licking boots. Loses first place to Jonas because he has no personality/hobbies outside of being the best dad ever. I can see the relationship being a little suffocating as you grow older. Won’t take you on cool adventures like fighting biker gangs and blowing up meth labs, because he’s too protective. :( Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 100/10

3. Luke Wright - Cool, laid back dad. Treats you as an equal. Will respect your autonomy and intelligence. Happy to let you spread your wings, but always there to catch you when you fall. Will run your enemies over with a car several times.  Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 10/10

4. Deckard Shaw - Displayed a lot of cool uncle vibes with baby Brian, so definitely great with kids. Psycho-bananas for family. Probably will be a very involved and protective dad. Unlike Phil, who completely divorces himself from his job to be a dad, being a badass assassin is basically the Shaw family business. You will learn how to make bombs and kill people. Will have many cool adventures saving the world. Fun Factor: 15/10   Dad Factor: 8/10

5. Jensen Ames - Good solid family man type. Works hard to provide for you. Breaks out of jail and murders people to get daughter back. Will raise you in a dystopian Mexican junkyard. Fun Factor: 2/10   Dad Factor: 9/10

6.  Rick Ford - Most embarrassing dad ever! You will probably not survive past puberty because you would have died of embarrassment at some point. Will tackle being a dad with as much intensity and enthusiasm as everything else. Honestly kind of cute in his earnestness. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 11/10

7. Danny Bryce - Emotionally stunted tough guy. Is responsible and competent. Like Phil, he leaves his badassery behind for his family, so no awesome adventures. :( Cares about you in his own gruff way, but has trouble expressing it probably. You can always depend on him. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 7/10

8.  Turkish - Great sense of humour, cool dude, seems like a good time to be around. Hustling to make a living and provide for you. Lost to Danny because he is a little bumbling and not very competent. You might lose your dad because he got killed by gangsters or arrested by the police. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 6/10

9. Lee Christmas - Lee seems like a cool dude too. Not around a lot, but shows a genuine desire for family (i.e. the Lacy debacle). Would treasure his relationship with you. You’ll have a good time whenever he is around, but he would be gone for months at a time. Expect to have 20 badass, doting aunts/uncles. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

10. Quentin Connors - Intelligent and competent. He has a sense of loyalty but ultimately is selfish and a little narcissistic. Not a good man. But he does have one billion dollars. My moral compass kind of goes haywire from the magnetic pull of one billion dollars. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

11. Tony Leather - Family man with questionable priorities. Claims to be pulling jobs to provide for his family, but clearly attached to his criminal buddies and lifestyle. Disregards his wife's concerns and protests. Tony cares about his family but can’t prioritize it over the con. Good with his kids though. Fun Factor: 5/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

12. Chev Chelios- Human disaster. Trying to improve himself. Probably not a responsible dad, but will make an honest effort. Will bring you to some horribly inappropriate places. Will let you get away with a lot. Fun factor: 6/10  Dad factor: 4/10

13.  Jack Crawford - Obsessed with finding his partner’s killer. You’ll always take a backseat to the case. Total disappointment of a dad. Does care about you and will try, but expect to be tossed to the side as soon as he gets a lead. Fun Factor: 2/10   Dad Factor: 3/10

14. Bateman - Loving guy. Seems smart and charming. Like Christmas, he has a longing for family and will likely treasure his relationship with any children of his. Is, unfortunately, a crackhead, therefore cannot be trusted to be responsible for kids. Fun Factor: 5/10   Dad Factor: 2/10

15. Nick Wild - Has a strong sense of loyalty and responsibility. But is also a self-destructive, compulsive gambler. Is definitely an “emotionally stunted tough guy”. Will care about you, but will not be emotionally available. Can count on him to avenge you for your murder at least. Fun Factor: 3/10   Dad Factor: 2/10

16.  Bacon- Immature, deadbeat dad. Seem like the type of guy who dumps the heavy lifting of parenthood on his partner. Will be around to play with you when it’s convenient for him. More likely to hang out with his mates. Maybe 1 hour/week of dad time. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 1/10

17. Tom Brandt - Another entry for embarrassing dads as well as “emotionally stunted tough guy” dads. Total fashion disaster. That lumpy-ass-old-man-sweater with baggy sweatpants?!! Ewww…. No social grace or manners. Will kill you with embarrassment just like Rick Ford. Proven time and again to be prone to excessive violence. A domestic abuse case waiting to happen. Fun Factor: 0/10   Dad Factor: 1/10

18/19 Arthur Bishop/ Handsome Rob - Does not know you exist. You don’t even know their name. Your mom doesn’t know their name either. Fun Factor: 0/10   Dad Factor: 0/10 (Resurrection does not exist to me)

20. Joey Jones (Smith) - Clearly cares about his family. Provides for you. Protective too. Has debilitating PTSD. Lives in self-imposed exile. Would be a great dad if he weren’t so FUCKING SAD and full of self-loathing. Could be #4 or 5 if he got help. Fun Factor: -100/10   Dad Factor: 5/10

BONUS: Frank Martin - Ultimate responsible parent. Has a lot of rules. Tells you to take your feet off his furniture. Will complain about you getting his upholstery dirty. A constant air of exasperation. Uses “I’m going to count to three” as a threat. Will make you get to the airport 3 hours early and sit in the terminal. Will drop you off at school, appointments, and extracurriculars with military precision. Fun Factor: 3/10   Mom Factor:10/10

[takaraphoenix]

Hello! I'm a new fan so I haven't read all of your fics yet but I love the way you wright! I was wondering if you would do another Luke/Percy/Octavian fic. I was thinking maybe Luke and Tavy are really annoying everyone so matchmaker!Percy gets them together to make them more bearable but neither of them want to submit as they are both more dominant. Percy then has to find them a cute sub but he is oblivious to the fact that he is perfect for them. You don't have to do it but it would be great x

Percy grinned when he saw Annabeth and Rachel sprawled out on the couch in the praetors' house. That in itself wasn't too rare; the Greek people in power usually always stayed at the praetors' when visiting New Rome. It was all a part of improving relations between Greeks and Romans.

"What's with the long faces, Jay?", asked Percy curiously.

The praetors, Jason and Reyna, sat opposite Annabeth and Rachel, with equally irritated looks. That was also not too rare. It was a lot of work trying to make Greeks and Romans work together. Sure, they had, on a very small scale worked together during the Giant War – three Romans and four Greeks, while the other Romans and Greeks were nearly fighting an all-out war of their own.

So after the war, the leaders' priority was to work together, to find common ground so Greeks and Romans would be able to aid each other. And that was not easy, because the average demigods already had their reservations, the senate and the council of cabin heads respectively were even worse. The only ones who seemed to share one mindset were the actual leaders – Annabeth Chase and Luke Castellan on the Greek side and on the Roman side, Jason Grace and Reyna Don't-Say-Her-Full-Name (Percy had done that once and his lower back still hurt just thinking about it). While not actually leaders, the Oracle of Delphi and the augur were highly respected and high ranking in their own rights, so Rachel and Octavian usually were a part of the negotiations.

"It's Octavian", grunted Jason pointedly.

"And Luke", added Annabeth with her head tilted back.

"And the fact that they're not fucking", supplied Rachel.

"Rachel", groaned Reyna and made a face. "Why would you make me picture that."

"What? I'm just saying what everybody is thinking. They are so busy posing and growling at each other and puffing their chests", snorted Rachel. "It's hijacking most meetings at this point."

"Oh. You think they're... into each other?", asked Percy surprised.

And okay, the four identical pointed looks he received at that were nearly insulting. "You are literally the last person to learn. They're doing this annoying alpha-thing of showing off, only that it's not working because they're both alphas, which is highly unusual in our society."

"Yeah, Reyna's right", agreed Jason with a shrug. "Alpha-alpha relationships are... not common."

"They're rare even in our society", sighed Annabeth softly.

Percy tilted his head thoughtfully and okay, he couldn't think of any alpha-alpha couples either – Clarisse was an alpha while Chris was a beta, Beckendorf was an alpha and Silena an omega, Grover a beta and Juniper also a beta. Huh. He furrowed his brows before sitting down between Rachel and Annabeth. Rachel was a beta, while Annabeth was an omega just like Percy. Luke and Annabeth were the leaders of the Greeks, had been way before Percy had arrived at camp. When Kronos started rising, Luke as the Greek pack's Alpha had stood protectively at the front lines.

When the Giant War happened and Hera thought to memory-wipe and kidnap the Greeks and Romans' power-houses, leaving Jason very confused at Camp Half-Blood and an equally confused Percy at Camp Jupiter, meant to unite Romans and Greeks. How that made sense still beat Percy, because honestly kidnapping and memory-wiping one of the strongest heroes who saved the gods' asses seemed more like unnecessarily antagonizing both camps and only making them suspicious of each other since they didn't even know about each other. Taking the leaders and maybe like not memory-wiping them before putting them together to talk and get to know each other somehow seemed far more effective to Percy, but what did he know compared to an oh-so wise goddess.

"Wow. I can even feel when he is sassing in his head", whispered Jason amazed. "Who were you sassing, Percy? And stop getting distracted, we were in the middle of complaining to you."

Percy rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the other omega. For the Romans, Jason was the omega in charge and Reyna the alpha. Percy liked them both, he thought they were doing a great job at leading the Romans, just like Luke and Annabeth did for the Greeks. Percy? He... wasn't much of a leader. That wasn't really his cup of tea. He liked recklessly running into danger, fighting monsters, being free of rules or breaking them, not being the ones to uphold them. Urgh.

"Well, I mean, we just have to make them hook up, right?", shrugged Percy casually.

"...Sure. Just", grunted Reyna pointedly.

"Leave that to me", chimed Percy mischievously. "You, concentrate on uniting Greeks and Romans at large. I'll... unite that Greek and that Roman in particular."

"This is going to be a disaster", muttered Rachel.

"...Are you saying that as the Oracle of Delphi?", asked Jason warily.

"I'm saying that as someone who has been friends with Percy Jackson for years", stated Rachel.

"I feel so personally offended", muttered Percy with a pout.

/break\

"...Percy, if you don't open the door, you're in a world of trouble", grunted Luke irritated.

"And why are there candles everywhere? This is a fire-hazard, Perseus", growled Octavian.

"It's a candle-light dinner, you idiot", huffed Percy from the other side of the door. "You two are driving everyone crazy with the UST so I have concocted the perfect plan to solve it."

Luke cocked one eyebrow and approached the table. "...Oysters with asparagus... a bowl of figs... strawberries and chili peppers covered in chocolate... This is a very odd meal."

"Perseus, did you simply google 'aphrodisiac food' and serve what you found?", asked Octavian.

"Shut up and eat. There is also red wine and...", grunted Percy, pausing to press play on the remote control for the music player inside. "...romantic music. Now enjoy your first date."

He had lured Luke and Octavian there with some lies about another leader meeting. Luke turned to grin amused at Octavian. He had to admit he had been flirting with the augur for weeks now. The taller blonde was hot, everything about him – the British accent did things to Luke, the dominance he displayed, the way his mind worked. Luke got some more comfortable.

"What do you say?", asked Luke. "After Percy went through the trouble of making us dinner?"

"I wouldn't call this a dinner. It looks like an indigestion to happen", snorted Octavian.

Luke chuckled, though his grin turned more mischievously as he bit into a strawberry. It took Octavian only another moment before he joined Luke at the table, filling the wine-glasses.

"It would be a waste of good wine", offered Octavian after a beat.

/break\

Percy was very proud of himself as he walked into the praetors' house. It had been two weeks now since he had gotten Octavian and Luke together. Today was the first big leaders meeting since they got together and Percy wanted to gloat that he had fixed the others' problem. However, when he walked into the living room, the scene looked eerily familiar. Rachel, Annabeth and Reyna were sitting on one couch, while Jason was dramatically draped over the other, all looking irritated.

"...I fixed your problem", pointed Percy out with a frown. "Why do you still look annoyed?"

"Because all you did was shift the problem", muttered Annabeth. "Sure, the sexual tension has now been... cut. What you didn't calculate for was that they're both alphas."

"...Yeah no I don't see it. What about that is a problem?", asked Percy.

"They're both very dominant personalities. So now they take their foreplay into the meetings", explained Rachel, making a vague gesture. "They growl even more, posing and fighting for dominance during every single argument. Even less willing to back off than before, because backing off means admitting defeat, means submitting. Neither is willing to submit."

"They seem happy about that... relationship", muttered Jason, trying to cheer Percy up. "But maybe they'd need, you know, an omega. This is why alpha-alpha relationships don't work."

"Rarely work", corrected Rachel pointedly. "But yeah."

"You tried your best, Percy. But maybe we're just... doomed", chuckled Reyna dryly.

"No. No, I'll fix this", declared Percy seriously. "And I already have an idea."

"...This is going to be a disaster", sighed Rachel, looking at Percy.

"Talking as someone who's been friends with Percy for years?", asked Jason teasingly.

"No. This time as the Oracle of Delphi", huffed Rachel, motioning at Percy.

/break\

"I am somehow expecting the worst when you stand in front of my home with a... clipboard in your hand, Perseus", noted Octavian unimpressed. "You're interrupting."

"I... I can... can see that", nodded Percy, distractedly staring at Octavian's bare chest.

"Are you checking my boyfriend out, Perce?", teased Luke amused. "What do you want?"

"I'm not checking Octavian out", huffed Percy with a glare and red cheeks. "And I'm here on official, important business. You two alphas with your chests puffed out are annoying everyone."

Luke and Octavian raised their eyebrows as they looked at each other before turning to Percy. Though the son of Poseidon simply pushed past them and went to the living room. He took in everything that was thrown over, the clothes lining the way to the couch.

"Yeah, see, this is what I'm talking about", stated Percy, motioning at the broken vase. "You're being unnecessarily destructive in your whole... you-ness."

"Our us-ness?", asked Luke amused as he and Octavian followed Percy.

"Yeah. You both have self-destructive tendencies and you're both used to being in charge. You're both dominant personalities", stated Percy, tapping his pen against his clipboard.

"That's... a fair assessment", admitted Octavian after a moment. "Very well. We'll hear you out."

"Ever heard of a triad before?", offered Percy mischievously. "Let's add an omega to your relationship, someone willing and happy to submit, to ease both of you."

Octavian drew his brows together even more at that. "...That is a rather... logical solution."

"If you could like stop acting so surprised that I'm not in fact a total idiot?", asked Percy dryly.

"And here I thought you'd be taking it as a compliment", said Octavian pointedly.

"Why would I? I know I'm clever. I'm like the only person who knows that", huffed Percy, giving Octavian a look. "Someone acting stunned that I'm not an idiot is not a compliment."

"You're not", stated Luke with a serious look on his face as he sat down next to Percy and laid an arm around his shoulders. "You're not an idiot and you're not the only person who knows that. I know how clever you are, Perce. I've been teaching you and mentoring you and seen you during your missions and the things you come up with."

"That's why you're my favorite", declared Percy with a smirk.

"Get on with your idea, less schmoozing", muttered Octavian and rolled his eyes.

Percy stuck his tongue out at Octavian. "So I made a list of potentially fitting omegas, both Roman and Greek. I figured you two could... just... try. Dating them, or hooking up with them."

"That's... You put a lot of thought into this", noted Luke with a small smile. "Thank you."

"Of course. You're one of my best friends, Luke. I want you to be happy", shrugged Percy.

"Now, can you leave again so Luke and I can go back to what we were doing...?"

"You're such a horny bastard, I think you may actually need two lovers", snorted Percy. "Have fun."

/break\

"Okay seriously I am growing tired of everyone just looking absolutely miserable in the living room", grunted Percy annoyed as he entered Octavian's mansion.

He had learned lock-picking from Luke and when no one opened the door, he just entered. Only now did he consider that they could have had sex and not opened because of that. Huh.

"Your plan was a disaster", growled Octavian displeased.

"What? No. I found a perfect line-up of compatible omegas who'd be totally into you", huffed Percy and crossed his arms. "It anything, it's on you. Seriously. How did you fuck up?"

He sat down between Luke and Octavian and listened to their complaints about what went wrong with each and every single omega. Too submissive, not submissive enough, shallow, didn't give good comebacks, was too morally upstanding (which, actually came up twice, once by each of them), was too crooked, had an obnoxious laugh, was too tall (apparently, both did agree on wanting a short omega who could be nicely tucked under one's chin. That was... oddly specific but who was Percy to judge; he had been single for literally all his life now), too Greek, too Roman.

"Okay, okay, okay, I've had enough!", interrupted Percy exhausted after two hours.

He was laying between Luke's legs, leaning back against Luke's chest, with Luke resting his head on Percy's for comfort. Octavian was sitting opposite them with a thoughtful look on his face.

"So, any grand suggestions, Perseus?", inquired Octavian.

"Give me time. I'll come up with a better list. Now that I know what you want", declared Percy.

/break\

Over the following three weeks, Percy was a regular guest at the Simmons estate, mostly just to hear Octavian and Luke tell him how every single date they went on was a disaster. They ate while they talked, were sprawled out on the couches comfortably. Occasionally, they even cooked together. Luke and Percy had quite the good rhythm with each other. Sometimes, they'd even talk about other things, Luke and Octavian running official business by Percy to get his opinion. The thing was, not just Luke, who had kind of always done that even at Camp Half-Blood, but also Octavian. Octavian Simmons asking for Percy's opinion and actually listening to it. That was how far they had come. Percy even kind of moved in; what with summer ending, his stay at the fifth cohort ended – training was only during the summer, otherwise the kids and teens did have to attend school and such. So Percy got to stay at the fancy, large Simmons mansion.

So, naturally, Percy was really frustrated as he laid on the couch in the praetors' living room after the next meeting of the leaders. Because as much fun as he had, he was acutely aware that all his plans had backfired so far and thing worked out. He was invested, he wanted it to work out. He wanted Luke and Tavy to be happy – Luke always called Octavian 'Tav' but considering Octavian was constantly calling Percy 'Perseus', this was kind of his payback.

"Wait. Why are you looking miserable laying in our living room?", asked Reyna surprised.

Percy tilted his head up and looked at Reyna, Annabeth, Jason and Rachel walk in. All with... smiles and easy expressions on their faces. Wait. This was odd. Percy frowned at them in confusion.

"Why aren't you?", countered Percy slowly and sat up.

"Because your plan actually worked", offered Annabeth. "You were right. They are more at ease, they joke with each other and agree on things, instead of posing."

"But...", started Percy, his confusion growing. "...Never mind. I..."

He got up and walked out, aware that the others were looking at him funny. With determined steps did he head back to the Simmons mansion, where he was indeed greeted by Luke and Octavian laughing in the kitchen. When Percy walked in, even before he could open his mouth to interrogate them, Luke pulled him in to scent-mark him and nuzzle his chin into Percy's hair. Once he let go, Octavian offered Percy a blue cupcake, to which Percy reacted by purring softly in delight.

"We got pizza and on our way, I saw these in the bakery. I thought you may enjoy them."

"Aw. You big softy", teased Percy pleased and bit into his cupcake. "Okay so, who is it?"

"Who is what?", asked Luke as he set the table, handing Percy plates.

Without words, they easily worked with each other to set the table for three. "The omega with whom it worked out. The others said you finally stopped being super bossy alphas during the meeting. So, which one actually worked out? I thought you hadn't gone to any dates in like... a week at least. Is that because you met the right one before that...?"

At that, Luke paused and turned to look at Octavian. While Percy finished his cupcake, the two alphas had one of their no-words-needed conversations. Percy arched one eyebrow at them as he took a slice of pizza – with pineapples and peppers, just how he liked it. Well, okay, the first time he had ordered it was solely to mess with Octavian's head, but honestly, it was pretty damn good.

"Perce, the reason we stopped going on the dates you set up and... probably also why we are more at ease is because of you", stated Luke softly, reaching out to take Percy's hand.

"...I don't get it. I a mthe reason you went on those dates", pointed Percy out.

"Yes. And you're the reason we stopped", sighed Octavian. "You are the omega who fits perfectly to us. You're mouthy and cheeky, you give counter and your honest opinion, you're not shallow or dumb, you're powerful and strong, but... actually, with us, you've been submitting too."

"You're perfect for us", agreed Luke with a smile. "That's why we stopped looking. And you... over the past few weeks, you have already become a part of our relationship. You have already been balancing us out, even if we weren't really fully together."

"...Oh", grunted Percy stunned and sat fully down.

"That's why we didn't say anything", chuckled Luke, his smile turning kind of sad. "I expected, after everything – and with the age-difference – there is no way you'd want to... be with us. You have your fair pick of alphas to choose from, absolutely everyone."

"I...", started Percy and frowned at them. "Uh... don't know about that, but I... I think you are right that... I might have become... kind of a part of your relationship without noticing. And I think... I like that. I've been... really happy lately. So... if you'll have me, we could give this a try? Together?"

"We'd... like that, Perseus", agreed Octavian, his voice unusually soft.

"Huh. I told Rach and the others I could solve this. And I did", grinned Percy pleased before he pulled each alpha down and gave each a quick peck on the cheek. "Man, I'm good."

[jakeyohs]

on : general canon bonds & background npcs !

darius marks : marvel couldn’t be arsed to give jake’s boyfriend a name so i guess i had to do it. depending on timeline point, his boyfriend, fiance, or (usually) his ex. a methodist corporate lawyer & preacher’s son.

jimmy woo : jake’s boss & handler. pretty much one of the only people he respects enough at s.h.i.e.l.d. to follow orders from (which really sucks for anybody else who tries). the reason he came back to s.h.i.e.l.d. at all. one of two people jake would die for and follow to the ends of the earth without question. complete trust.

james rhodes / war machine : jake’s other boss and friend. jake straight up ditched his job at the time & committed high treason to help rhodey  ━ he’s a mess, but he’s constant in always deciding to do what’s right according to his gut. jake served (still serving) as a supporting war machine unit.  the second of two people jake would die for and follow to the ends of the earth without question. complete trust.

roberta rhodes : rhodey’s mom and basically the epic auntie everyone wishes they had. jake drops by the navajo nation sometimes and brings mrs rhodes fresh fruit  ━ plus he gets all the embarrassing baby rhodey stories & her bomb af lemonade.

bethany cabe : war machine squad & the other support pilot jake worked with. hasn’t really seen her since the events of war machins (2009) but he thinks she’s nifty. sends her the weirdest greeting cards he can find at random intervals.

glenda sandoval : also a very cool lady who he hasn’t really seen since the events of war machine (2009). jake mostly stays out of the way here ━ glenda doesn’t seem like she needs a reminder of that time in her life but he’d be happy to see her again if their paths cross in the future.

jason strongbow / american eagle : punched jake in the face real fucking hard once when he was a rhodey decoy! that hurt like a massive bitch. jason’s pretty cool though, and jake’s gotten along with him in the time sincebecause manners never hurt. usually visits jason too when he goes back to visit rhodey’s mom; they’re not exactly friends, maybe, but they hang out.

amadeus cho / brawn : jake gets on his nerves and he knows it. still, he helps him out where he can and generally tries to keep an eye on amadeus’ well-being and whereabouts. they’re tentatively friends, sort of; jake looks out for him when he has the chance. he thinks amadeus is a good kid and struggles a lot more than he lets on.

carol danvers / captain marvel : jake’s temporary handler. worked directly under carol to track and monitor amadeus cho after amadeus became the new hulk. generally a positive working relationship ━ he did his job well and when t’challa got involved, carol insisted he take jake too.

t’challa / black panther : jake worked as his s.h.i.e.l.d. liaison also concerning amadeus cho, as he was the serving agent with experience re: amadeus. jake kind of mouthed off to him. he doesn’t regret it.

kamala khan / ms marvel : mostly known professionally through the protectors. thinks kamala is a good kid with a super strong sense of justice; not a ton of contact overall.

cindy moon / silk : mostly known professionally through the protectors. cindy is fun and sends jake all of what's new with kpop because the abk squad is best squad and also has to stick together. sometimes he sends her random little cute souvenirs if he thinks they hit her aesthetic.

shang-chi / the master of kung fu : mostly known professionally through the protectors / agents of atlas. he has massive respect for shang-chi and they hung out a couple of times but there's not really consistent contact.

ares : honestly, jake doesn't like ares much. he's kind of a mega bastard, but jake also has yet meet a god that isn't. super didn't enjoy how ares glanced at him that one time.

celeste cuckoo : found jake pretty attractive, which was kind of super awkward, actually. he had very little time to interact with the stepford cuckoos and mostly tried his best to assist them during the events of phoenix : warsong. mostly an incredibly awkward encounter where everyone and their mom ragged on celeste for thinking jake was cute.

the x-men : specifically, wolverine, colossus, emma frost, cyclops, & kitty pryde. jake assisted them in the events of phoenix : warsong and honestly it mostly sucked. the aftermath of those events was what caused him to quit s.h.i.e.l.d. in the first place. he did get fastball specialed, which was kind of the only cool part of the complete nonstop disaster.

jake supposedly has an upcoming minor appearance , so things may change or be added ; i almost definitely forgot someone as usual too so .

[dalekofchaos]

Ways they could’ve handled Rose Tico in The Last Jedi  and what they did instead

My other Sequel Trilogy Wasted Potential posts

Rey

Finn

Poe

Luke

Han

Leia

Kylo Ren

Captain Phasma

Hux

Snoke

List of ways they could’ve handled Rose in the sequel trilogy

Make Rose the Hacker. It’s not unrealistic for the Resistance to have one. She could still think her skills aren’t useful considering most Wars have been won by soldiers and Jedi, not hackers. Paige is a Resistance fighter and her sister is a hacker. The Tico sisters fight the war in their own way. Finn and Poe go to Canto Bight to get Rose. Rose is on the planet to make the war profiteers hurt, and Finn and Poe must convince her. Her character arc could be learning that the war is much bigger than just her and that her sister, and the galaxy need her.

Finn and Rose’s mission is to find the master codebreaker. The Master Codebreaker they are meant to find is none other than Lando Calrissian. Lando is the person Finn and Rose are meant to get help from. They leave with DJ, but Lando was expecting to meet two members from the Resistance, so he leaves Canto Bight and on his way out he gets Leia’s message and mobilizes old friends from the Rebellion(a cameo from Wedge Antilles) and goes to give the Resistance some reinforcements. So instead of a hopelessly outgunned Resistance at Death’s door, when all hope seems lost, Lando brings the cavalry and shows The Rebellion is alive and hope still lives. We then see a little reunion with Lando, Leia and Chewbacca and Lando revealing that he was who Finn and Rose were meant to meet. 

Rose is a highly valued Resistance Mechanic fighting for The Resistance her own way as Paige was a bomber

Actually letting Paige live and actually giving us the sisterly bond between Rose and Paige and you know, GIVING  Ngô Thanh Vân SPEAKING LINES

Letting Rose empathize with Finn’s trauma and acknowledge that they are both cut from the same cloth. Rose and Paige lost their family and home and Finn lost his family and home, they have something in common and a reason to fight for The Resistance

Have Finn tell Rose about Rey and Rose being in awe of the Jedi and hopes to someday meet her and understands why Finn loves her

Letting Finn and Rose’s plan to disable the tracker succeed and only be captured upon reaching the escape pods.

Finn and Rose convince Poe that the speeder run will end in disaster and the three of them mount a desperate defense in the bunker, until Luke arrives. After Luke leaves to confront The First Order, they all leave and escape thanks to the Crystal Foxes.

We get to see Rose meeting Rey and the start of a beautiful relationship friendship

What they chose to do with Rose instead

Poorly written. I wanted to like Rose…Bad writing and direction prevents that. The Supremacy is tracking them through hyperspace, but Rose sees this as desertion….Desertion? You taze people for desertion? How exactly am I supposed to root for either side again? This is probably the same only less lethal treatment one could expect from The First Order. And what if The Raddus took critical damage? Are you trying to tell me Rose would taze anyone going to the escape pods? I thought she was supposed to be a mechanic, not someone who prevents escape. Finn is then tazed by Rose, which is understandable, she thought he was running away and she was in mourning. He also was objectively posing absolutely no threat to her, wasn’t running away, and was even trying to explain himself. Additionally, just the threat of the taser seemed to have been enough to stop him from leaving. But Rose attacked him anyways. The difference between Rey and Rose attacking Finn is Rey subdued Finn just enough to stop and interrogate him, Rose went completely overboard by paralyzing him and knocking him unconscious. It was completely unnecessary and gratuitous and is supposed to be played for laughs. Rey and Finn have a real friendship and partnership from the last movie. Rose, on the other hand, spends the rest of the movie belittling Finn and talking down to him. The book also says that she thought about using violence against him more than once after the tasing (for annoying her) and even pushed him. This displays a really problematic pattern of violence and disrespect towards Finn so yeah,  multiple uses of violence and expressed desire to inflict violence on him as being abusive. I would argue that she is undeniably verbally abusive with Finn. In the movie and in the book (more so in the book) she often belittles him by calling him names and using other put downs. It seems she wants to make him feel bad about himself and bring him down, which is abusive. Of course, it doesn’t really matter what her intent is, even if she doesn’t “mean to be mean” it still counts as verbal abuse. So, in summary, her repeated threats and use of violence against Finn and her continual use of insults and put downs causes me to come to the conclusion that she is abusive to Finn. And I am supposed to root for them to be in a relationship?

Cared more about space horses than saving slave children. Who cares that these children are gonna be left at the mercy of their violent slave owners and face merciless abuse, because after all, it was all worth it to free the animals!!! Look at us, we’re so progressive!!!….Please kill me

The plan to disable the Hyperspace tracking is made to pointlessly fail. Finn, Rose and DJ are close to fulfilling their objective and fail for no reason whatsoever. Okay first of all, Finn and Rose are captured because neither Finn or Rose bothered to get to a parking spot. So instead of going to find the ACTUAL Master Codebreaker(which told a better story) we are instead shown to DJ. This is a character who is made to be untrustworthy from the beginning and even sounds like a snake. So obviously he betrays them. And instead of letting them disable their tracker and just being caught when heading towards the escape pods, their plan is made to fail, making everything they’ve been trying to do ultimately pointless. It effect the plot even in the slightest. You could remove it and nothing would change in the slightest. Nothing mattered. Apparently the people of color needed their white hero savior to show them up…..*sighs*

Rose stopping Finn. “that’s how we win, not by fighting what we hate, by saving what we love.” That makes no sense and ignores the entire narrative of Star Wars and heroism of the saga. Paige, her sister sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. Holdo sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. The Rogue One crew sacrificed themselves. Kanan Jarrus sacrificed himself to save what he loved. Finn’s entire arc in the movie was learning not to just think about running away with Rey and fight for a greater cause and when the time comes for Finn to prove that he’s grown as a character, he can’t? What was the point of Finn’s arc in the movie? And let’s talk about Poe. Shouldn’t Poe be sacrificing himself? Poe has spent the entire film watching others die and give their lives and he’s never backed down, so shouldn’t Poe be in Finn’s place? And if Rose stopped Finn who would save The Resistance? We saw after Rose stopped Finn, the bunker was blown up by the battering ram. Absolutely NO ONE knew that Luke was going to make his surprise entrance and save everyone. For all we knew, The First Order would’ve moved into the bunker and killed everyone and The Resistance.

in TLJ novel she is made bitter and jealous of Rey when Rey is trying to save them….great, we are actually putting the only two main female characters of the sequel trilogy against each other because Jason Fry and Rian Johnson are misogynists and complete and utter fucking morons

Rose Tico could’ve been a great character, but because she was in the hands of Rian Johnson, she had no chance of succeeding. I can only hope she is handled better and by someone competent. Rose Tico and Kelly Marie Tran deserved better