#jamie musings

[demonsofradio666]

What color character are you?

Jamie:

Red Character

Red characters tend to be both quiet and observant as well as loud and dramatic. They are often brash and impulsive and tend to act on instinct rather than planning ahead. They are quite self-sacrificing, often veering into self-destructive, and they push themselves to their limits trying to succeed. They tend to be stubborn, and it might take a lot to change their mind. They have a hard time expressing their feelings and may come off as either emotionless, self-absorbed, or perpetually angry. They don’t have a ton of friends, and when they do, it’s often by circumstance rather than choice (although they grow to fiercely love their friends). They are not usually innately good at fitting into social situations and can be awkward and out of place in them. They can come off as unhumorous because of how sincere and honest they tend to be, but tend to just have a dryer, sarcastic sense of humor. They do often think of others first, but their motivations for it might not be entirely selfless. They usually have a hard time conceivably lying and are quite earnest without meaning to be.They put their full effort into what they do and push themselves to improve at all costs. They get easily defensive and feel like they have to prove themselves to earn anyone’s respect. They have a strong sense of internal morality and high standards for themselves. They also hold others to their internal high standards, which can cause a lot of conflict if not worked out. They tend to have bad relationships with their parental figures, who were usually either absent or abusive, and contributed to their toxic view of themselves. At their core, red characters want to be loved and accepted but have often been denied it, leading them to build up lots of defenses. Others need to be patient with them and give them a safe space to be themselves as they open up and begin to flourish.

[melancholicmoonlight]

In the dark afternoon, two horses guided by lanterns trudge off down a snow whipped path, up to a shabby cabin off in the distance. Ice nips at their noses, and in the distance, the sound of howling wolves echoes throughout the mountains.

Jameson tugs his scarf up to cover his face, glancing over at Reid. “Do we have enough firewood for the night?”

[kanerlove88]

Listen, I love S3 RoyJamie dynamics. Obviously. That’s a whole ass love story right there. My favourite ever.

But the mutual psychosexual obsession they both shared in S1…we will never get anything like that in any media ever again. Absolutely unhinged. And Jamie at least had a reason for it. Boy had a poster of Roy Kent on his childhood bedroom wall for 15 years. That’s his hero, bisexual awakening and he was desperate for attention, even if it was negative.

What excuse did ROY have??? “I don’t care what you lift pretty boy”. “Right foot kissed by God”. “Made me question my faith”. “All I think about is Jamie FUCKING Tartt”. I know he’s intense about Jamie in S3 but at least he had reasons for that, even if it isn’t normal. S1 Roy’s obsession with Jamie was so much weirder and so much more unhinged.

[girl-hwat]

tell me you remember me too

aka i’m having too many feelings about jamie, and forgetting, and remembering, and longing, and love.

Wood Working at the End of the World, Ocean Vuong / Tales of the Tardis @corallapis / @cosmik-homo / Separation, W.S. Merwin / Epic of Gilgamesh / S6E2 The Dominators: Part 2 / Felicity, Mary Oliver / The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us! Sufjan Stevens / @fairycosmos / S6E44 The War Games: Part 10

[thedeafprophet]

Ladies and gentlemen and those who know better, it is my greatest pleasure to announce to you that today, October 29th, is the birthday of The Boisterous Author - they said so themself afterall! Were the years to have past as normal, Mst. Awnings, our dear poet laureate, would be 28 this year. However, as it is still 1899, they shall best once more celebrating their 25th. They shall be hosting a grand event, with drinks, and music, and all the rage of recent fashion. Do be sure to send your best wishes and gifts accordingly, tata~

It's Jamie's birthday once more everyone say happy birthday Jamie-

This is a sort of redraw of piece i did for their birthday way back in 2021, as a fun sort of renewel of improved art <3

[thetarttfuldickhead]

He hasn’t heard much from his dad in the past year, but two goals for England and the texts start coming again.

---

He blocks his dad’s number, once, twice, another fucking time, but his father keeps getting new numbers or borrowing his mates’ phones or something and the messages keep coming.

He gives up on blocking them. What’s the fucking point?

He tries not to read the texts. He doesn’t always succeed, and he knows what they say anyway.

---

As the second game against City gets nearer the texts get longer and more frequent and nastier. Insistent. Calls too now, at all hours.

For a while, he can ignore it. Things are good. Called up for England, did well, Richmond is playing better than ever, he’s playing better than ever, there’s Roy and Keeley and the team, and Jamie’s feeling good.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Life can’t get too good, because when it does his dad will always come sniffing around, mean old stray looking for juiciest pieces of meat to sink his teeth into, always snapping, snapping, growling, biting, and this ain’t the sort of dog you can jut put down, is it?

Only way to keep it at bay is to never have anything it wants.

But fuck that, because Jamie’s worked fucking hard for this, his life, he’s fought for everything he has and he’s not going to let some nasty old sod ruin it for him or take it away.

So he ignores it, texts and calls and everything, and for a while he can.

---

In the end, it’s not even something in particular that gets to him. No escalation, no sudden appearance of James Tartt in the flesh, no broken beer bottles conspiciously dropped outside his door. In the end, it’s just coming back from his early morning session with Roy to another four missed calls and three drunken voice messages, and just like that, he’s done.  

He comes to practice wrapped in barbed wire, donning the old attitude like armour, and if asked he couldn’t even tell you why. Just seems easier, somehow.

---

They all see right through him, and he doesn’t know how to feel about that. Terrified. Stupid. Grateful. Known.

Cared for.

Roy still makes him run an extra ten laps after practice for being an arsehole to everyone instead of telling someone what was going on like you fucking should have, but then he squeezes his shoulder and brings him home to Keeley and makes them dinner while she helps him change his number and make sure everyone who needs to has the new one.

---

“We’ve spoken to City,” Ms. Welton – Rebecca – tells him. “They’ve agreed to ban Mr. Tartt from the premises for our upcoming game.”

The relief is a surprise; the intensity of it. He hadn’t realized until now how much the notion of his father being there had messed with him; his father, watching him, screaming, the sound of his name in that hateful mouth. Only now, when the threat is gone, does he recognize the severity of it.

---

When they news break they’re already on the way to Manchester. Colin is the first to notice and he curses softly and calls for Jamie and tells Isaac and then the whole coach knows.

The Sun: “Star Striker’s Dad Banned from City Game.”

And that’s his dad feigning a look of gentle devastation and it’s all about how Jamie’s money and fame has gone to his head, how he can’t even let his dad watch the game because he’s embarrassed of his humble beginnings, right shame, isn’t it, when people forget where they came from as soon as they make it big? Walked out on City after everything they put into him, didn’t he, and now he’s cutting ties with his family too just ‘cause they’re poor and not educated like, what sort of dickhead does that? “Kid’s turned his back on his roots, thinks he’s too good for us now.”

Manchester City declines to comment, other than to confirm that yes, at the request of AFC Richmond Mr. James Tartt will be prevented from attending the match. Nothing else they can say, really, not without revealing things that aren’t theirs to reveal.

The coach goes quiet, the way the dressing room had done at Wembley last year. Then they rally, anger and encouragements and just ignore it, man and it feels good and it makes him want to hide. He has no fucking idea what to say to them, except yeah, no, it’s some bullshit, yeah.

Ted and Beard huddle together, whispering furiously. Roy’s typing away at his phone, looking especially like he wants to murder someone. 

Sam, next to him, doesn’t say anything at all at first, just gives him a small nod. A few minutes later he offers, “My dad says to tell you good luck with the game, you’ll do great.”

And he should feel pathetic for finding comfort in that, maybe, but he doesn’t, much.

The game starts in a few hours. Long enough for everyone to have seen it by then, not long enough to put together a coherent response.

---

The boos and angry noise of the crowd is a furious buzzing in his ears and he squares his shoulders and eyes on the ball and the match is what fucking matters, everything else is just poopy, stupid fucking shit, doesn’t matter—

He plays like he means to outplay the devil himself. Plays like it would have been easy, had old Nick cared to show up.

The booing never stops, not even when Pep makes a point of coming over to him for a quick cuddle and few encouraging words after the final whistle.            

---

And they’re back in the dressing room after and the press is clamouring for a conference just a few doors down and Keeley’s driven all the way up from London and they’re all talking strategies and damage control and spinning the narrative and it’s doing his head in. All of them blabbering on and on and on and—

“Can we just tell them the fucking truth?”

That shuts them up. They all stare at him. Higgins is the first to speak. “Do you – do you want to do that?”

No, he doesn’t say. Of course I don’t wanna fucking do that. 

But the thing is, everyone that matters already knows, don’t they? So what’s the difference, really, with telling the whole fucking world?

It’s a huge fucking difference, something in him whispers.

He closes his eyes for a moment. Opens them again. All right. “Just think it’s the best thing to do, yeah?”

And there’s murmurs of agreement and Keeley’s looking at him like maybe she wants to cry and he can’t look at her looking like that so he looks away.

Roy catches his eyes. “You want me there with you?”

And yeah, he does want that and he’s too exhausted to pretend otherwise. “Yeah,” he says. “Thanks.”

---

“Are you ashamed of your father, Jamie?”

A moment, then, when it’s still not too late. He can still change his mind. He can still lie. No one has to know: he can still be the untouchable Jamie Tartt, confident and arrogant and never ever a victim.  

Fuck that.

“Yeah. I am.”

---

There’s no avoiding the snippets afterwards because they are fucking everywhere but he never watches the whole thing and so he’s not entirely clear on what he really says. Bits and pieces stay with him, though:  

“If I’d told ‘em here at City, my coaches and stuff, they’d have helped. I know they would have. But I was too fucking ashamed, yeah, so I never told anyone and I went off to do this stupid reality show instead and I did a whole bunch of stupid shit just ‘cause I was scared about people finding out about me and my dad. Never wanted anyone to know any of that shit.”

And:

“And I know, right, that there are people who’ll say I shouldn’t be in football if I can’t take a hit, like what the fuck am I gonna do when I’m tackled on the pitch and stuff. But that’s different, yeah? I fucking signed up for that. Didn’t sign up for my dad being a huge fucking dickhead, did I?”

And:

“I’m done being ashamed.”

---

There’s Roy too, near the end, and something about making it seem like aggression and violence is a normal thing and how that is part of the problem and how he’s going to do better from now on, and Jamie wants to tell him that, no, Roy has never been the problem, Jamie ain’t ever been scared of him, that’s really not it at all, but Roy does have a point too, doesn’t he, so Jamie keeps quiet.

---

“Was it all right?” he asks, afterwards, when the door’s closed to the press room and it’s just him and Roy and Keeley in the corridor.

“It was great,” Keeley tells him, stepping close to wrap her arms around him. “It was perfect.” Leaning back a little, she runs a hand over his cheek, “I’m really proud of you, Jamie.”

“Yeah, me too,” Roy says and his hug is just half a thing, one arm wrapped around Jamie’s shoulders and pulling him close, but it’s enough to relax into, to rest in.

Keeley’s looking at both of them like they hung the fucking stars.

“How about dinner?” she asks. “Don’t wanna drive all the way back tonight, think I’ll just get a hotel.”

“Yeah, I’m fucking starving,” Roy says.

And okay. He can’t be disappointed about that. Of course they’d want some time together. “Yeah, okay, yeah. Should be heading for the coach anyway. You have fun, yeah?”

The look they exchange is dismayed.

“No,” Roy says, sounding like he’s trying very hard not to sound angry. “You’re coming to dinner with us. Keeley will drive us back in the morning.”

“Unless you’d rather go back now with the rest of the team,” Keeley quickly adds, shooting Roy a pointed glare.

And oh. Okay. “No, yeah, dinner sounds good.”

---

They make him go say goodbye to the lads first, let them know you’re all right, and it’s still with him when they head out into the Manchester night, Colin’s arms around him and Sam’s quiet smile and Dani’s hands on his shoulders and Isaac’s muttered you’re gonna be okay, bruv.

He carries all of it with him, and it makes him feel light.

---

Coda:

“So, Roy,” Ted asks, leaning back into his office chair. ”Got any big plans for the break?”

“Keeley and I are trying for Marbella again. Only two weeks, she can’t be away from the firm any longer. Jamie’s joining us after he’s done with that football camp thing for disadvantaged kids.”

[the44magnumisamonster]

Saw a power puff girls comic strip and thought of Peter. I know the editing is shite but I needed to get this out there man 😭😭

[lunar-years]

I LOVE thinking about royjamiekeeley's future home together and how all three of their styles would come together to create a living space that is so very them :)

I think it's especially important to Jamie because he's never really had a space of his own as an adult that he's actually considered home before. Like, he bought his place in Manchester when he was just coming into having actual money--and a lot of it--for the first time, and he was spending it not just on himself but also on updates and renovations to Mummy's place and eventually on a home for his dad as well. So for himself he bought his car and a house but then didn't quite know what to do with the rest of it. As a result, for years his home there is just sort of an un-curated mix of the random shit he bought on a whim because he suddenly had the money to do so. Like the painting he walks past everyday and thinks "do I actually like that?" and the foosball table and the garish furniture he picked out because it looked dead cool in the showroom but really doesn't go together at all in his house.

Then when he moved to Richmond, he didn't really want to be there anyway, did he, so it was easier to just hire someone to furnish it for him. And he was on the outs with mummy, so even having family photos up made him feel weird and sad, and there were a couple of things he slowly acquired (like his balloon dog and his lavish headboard), mostly when shopping with Keeley, that he does love, but the house itself is sleek and modern and sterile, and it never really feels quite like his. By the time he comes to think of Richmond as home, he's spending most of his time at Keeley's or Roy's anyway, so he never bothers to make it more his own.

Then they all buy a house together, and Jamie is thrilled but also so overwhelmed, because he's never felt like he had such free reign before in a space since he was hanging up those posters in his childhood bedroom. Thus: his grand idea, presented with great enthusiasm and pride, of framing up his and Roy's England kits side by side in the living room, to which Keeley says absolutely fucking not. But then Keeley brings in her pink chandelier and her neon wall art from the moving van and Roy says absolutely fucking not, and Roy tries to hog all the shelves in the bookcase for his mystery/thriller paperbacks, to which Jamie and Keeley are both like, absolutely fucking not!! Eventually the living room (where they spend most of their time) becomes the perfect mashup of all of them. The furniture is neutral enough for Roy, but accessorized with a ton of throw pillows courtesy of Keeley, and one of Jamie's transformers is next to Roy's books and Keeley's knick-knacks on the shelves, and they've got a gallery wall with photos and framed bits and pieces of all of them.

They have a two-floor home but the main bedroom is of course on the first floor (Roy can't do stairs), and a giant ensuite with a spa tub for Keeley (and for Roy when his knee is acting up), and a shower big enough so that Jamie rarely has to shower alone, if he doesn't want to. Then there's Roy's office and a media room for all of Jamie's gaming consoles and for the boys to watch match tapes that's filled up with all of their medals/trophies/awards. Keeley rarely goes in there, but when she wins like, Boss Ass Bitch of the Year or something (a real award TO ME), Roy and Jamie insist it goes up right alongside their premier league medals, and ceremoniously place it there in a way that has Keeley giggling kicking her feet in love with them <3

Roy's more set in his ways from years of living on his own, so Jamie and Keeley distract him as they decorate the rest of the house by giving him full control of the kitchen, because he's the one who's going to be using it most often, anyway. He gets all the appliances and everything configured, top-grade, with Simon's helpful input. And most importantly, he also makes sure there's a big island he can work at with stools for Keeley and Jamie to sit in and sip their wine prettily or "help" him by aimlessly chopping vegetables as he goes about all the hard work of actually cooking their meals. This is secretly his favorite part of being in the kitchen. He makes sure the stools are very comfortable for them. Also, the fridge is always covered in Phoebe's report cards and drawings and homemade cards :)

Then the upstairs is used for the guest bedrooms for when any of their parents or friends come to stay, plus Phoebe's bedroom/bathroom and Keeley & Jamie's overflow closet and Keeley's home office (she likes to be a floor above to help drown out the noise and help her stay focused when Roy and Jamie are home and screaming at the television about sports on the main floor, or else shagging each other senseless in their bedroom while Keeley still has emails to attend to, thank you.)

And there's a half pitch in the backyard because of course there is, when you're that rich you've got to have a least one thing that lavish. And a garden that Roy really takes to tending, surprisingly, and loungers for Keeley and Jamie to suntan as Roy hovers over them menacingly with a bottle of sun cream.

Ultimately it's theirs and it's home and it's wonderful and even though they all keep a hold of their former houses for financial and media purposes, they rarely ever go back to them. ❤️

[aerospectrum]

“a mirrored picture of my old man… god the kid looks so sad… i’m seventeen going under….”

[malevolent-muse]

🌀📖🌀

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[demonsofradio666]

can you fight god?

Jamie:

[melancholicmoonlight]

It's late at night when the wagon pulled by the two horses finally stops at the waterside, a swampy lake surrounded by trees in front of them. Reid hops down once the wagon finally stands still in the muddy dirt, holding a lantern in their hand, although they don't really need it much, the overhead moonlight is nearly full and bright enough for them to see with.

Jameson hops out after them and looks around, a slight frown on his face as he glances over at Reid. “We’re stopping here?”

[kaitlinamberxo]

“Coach, I'm me. Why would I want to be anything else?”

kaitlin's 100 favorite fictional muses — 36/100: Jamie Tartt

[aparticularbandit]

I know the group keeps comparing Imogen and Predathos to Jean Grey and Phoenix but.

If any of you have seen Haunting of Bly Manor.

Imogen is Dani, and Predathos is Viola.

[tartt9]

soggy dog jamie for the dash tonight

[thetarttfuldickhead]

do you think how Jamie reacted to Roy and Keeley's teasing at the auction in 1x04 was related to his trauma from his Dad making him loose his virginity to a lady from the red light district? and do you think after the three of them officially get together, that they ever talk about that?

Tricky one, nonny, because as much as I tend towards Watsonian explanations over Doylist ones, in this particular case I can’t quite disregard the fact that I am not at all convinced that Jamie’s Amsterdam backstory was in place when 1x04 was written. It might have been, sure, but… yeah, I doubt it, actually.

And, like, in hindsight, after 3x06, it’s hard not to connect Jamie’s discomfort at the gala with his experiences in Amsterdam. Even if he doesn’t consciously join the dots himself, even if he’s not yet realized that the experience was traumatic to him (and I think 3x06 does suggest that it was, even if it’s possibly to argue otherwise), the notion of having to have sex with someone he doesn’t want to have sex with, especially when they’re that much older (not because having sex with old people is gross, obviously, but because it would mirror the experience he had as a child), would have made him deeply uneasy.

I mean, it would make most of us deeply uneasy, so that’s not the strange part. The strange part, really, is that Jamie believes – if only for a little while – Roy and Keeley’s assertion that he’ll need to put out. Becaue, yes, Jamie’s not always the brightest, but of course the club’s not actually pimping out the players. He knows that, surely. But for a moment he isn’t sure – and maybe that’s because it’s already happened to him, hasn’t it? Not quite like this, no, but money exchanged and him required to fuck someone he had not chosen to fuck. So, yes, things like that can happen and maybe they do happen at Richmond because Jamie didn’t see it coming the first time either, did he, but no, it’s just a fucking joke, Roy and Keeley having a laught and he looks like a right idiot now, doesn’t he, for having believed them, and he can’t even articulate (not even to himself, I think) why he thought, for a moment, that maybe…

Yeah. Makes a horrible sort of sense, doesn’t it?

So, in hindsight I think we can read his reaction being at least partially related to what was done to him in Amsterdam, and normally I’d be perfectly happy with that, actual text over authorial intent, but in this case I can’t stop wondering about what it all was originally intended to mean (if, indeed, the Amsterdam part was not known to the writers at the time of writing 1x04). Maybe it intrigues me because it has the potential to reveal more and interesting things about Jamie? I don’t know, and I don’t have any real theories either, just… something about football players being used to getting sold and traded, something about his sense of self and value directly tied to his body and what he can do with it, time spent creating his brand and the slight disassociation and/or confusion between self and image it can cause (even as I think that Jamie has a very strong sense of self generally). Given all of that, is it so outlandish for him to briefly assume that maybe this too might be required? Especially given his experiences in Amsterdam… Can be a mix of the two, really. Maybe that’s the interpreation I mostly favour.  

As for if they ever talk about it... I don’t necessarily think it’s something Jamie would bring up and I doubt Roy immediately connects the dots once he hears Jamie’s tale of his first Amsterdam trip. Keeley, I think, doesn’t know what happened in the Red Light District; to me, Jamie telling Roy reads very much like a ‘first time I ever told anyone’ thing, but that’s obviously open to interpretation.

But say something reminds Roy of that gala dinner, and what was said then. Maybe they’re getting ready to attend it once more and this time they’re dead pleased to be seated at the same table, making little jokes about can you fucking imagine if someone would have told us then that this is where we’d end up and could have saved ourselves so much trouble if we’d just gone home together that night and Keeley playfully reminds Jamie that he doesn’t actually have to sleep with someone if he doesn’t want to and Jamie pouts like that shit wasn’t funny but he’s laughing too because it was long ago and they’re here now and he doesn’t tend to dwell –

– but Roy goes quiet because wait hang on oh no fuck no, and he doesn’t say anything right away, they need to get going and he’s not sure is he, and he keeps on saying nothing throughout the dinner, and behind the still face he is quietly spiralling as he watches Jamie’s every move like a hawk, every twitch of his lips and every roll of his eyes.

Jamie and Keeley both notice, and are both confused. They keep exchanging glances and when Nate’s off to the loo and Jade’s done her disappeaering act and Sam and Dani drag Jamie off to join the rest of the team for a round of shots, Keeley takes the opportunity to lean in and ask what’s going on, Roy, are you okay?

He’ll tell her then, I think, and that’s not great – not his story to share – but it’s eating at him and there’s no one else for him to confide in and Keeley is part of it too, so yes. He tells her; she’s upset but still the voice of reason; no matter what happened that night Jamie’s doing fine right now, he’s having a great time with his friends and we shouldn’t ruin that for him, but come tomorrow we’ll have a proper chat all three of us, okay, sort things out?

And come tomorrow, they do.