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patrophthia · 2 years ago

Text

what letters? | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader

genre: miscommunications, angst, unrequited crushes, fluffy ending, not proofread

wc: 3.1k

originally posted on wattpad

"you deserve someone better," peter said in confirmation to her words (despite her tone being laced with sarcasm).

"you deserve me," sirius chirped in, smiling charmingly. she rolled her eyes, feigning annoyance, only for his grin to grow wider. "scratch that, you're too good for me love."

"you deserve prongs."

there's nothing worse than being stood up on a date. being sat there, waiting for someone who would not show up, feeling as though everyone's eyes were on you, silently judging you for your lack of luck.

it feels even more terrible when you're sat at a crowded place, people roaming around thinking they've found an empty spot only to find out that you were sat there: at a table for two or more on your own.

"guess what?" james asked, sitting down beside her in the empty booth without sparing a second thought. if he noticed her sour mood, his didn't show it.

"what?" she mumbled, amusing him.

"so you know how evans and i are partnered up for potions?" he said slowly, moving closer to her so sirius, peter, and remus could slide into the booth as well. at her nod, he continued, "and do you recall how i fancied her for so many years?"

"i think i do," she answered, feeling slightly nauseous at the prospect that maybe just maybe lily finally gave in and agreed to go on a date with him. "what about it?"

"so i was talking to her today and for the first time in forever, i didn't feel anything."

she looked at him skeptically, taking in his words into consideration. "congratulations?"

"congratulating me feels a bit pathetic," he said off-handedly, voice calmer than when he first started. clearing his throat, james leaned back to the booth as he decided to switch the topic. "so how was the date- oh."

so he did not notice her sour mood.

"he's ugly anyways," james said firmly, "he's a waste of time, you're too good for him."

it seemed as of he was stating his opinion rather than trying to comfort her, saying every uplifting thing he could think of. and before she even knew it, the other three boys joined in, trying to lighten up their mood.

she couldn't stay upset for long when their smiles were so infectious, the corner of her lips turning up as well. "yeah, yeah, i get it. that's enough, i'm out of his league. i know."

"you deserve someone better," peter said in confirmation to her words (despite her tone being laced with sarcasm).

"you deserve me," sirius chirped in, smiling charmingly. she rolled her eyes, feigning annoyance, only for his grin to grow wider. "scratch that, you're too good for me love."

"you deserve prongs."

•••

one of the things she hated most about being close to the marauders was how much they shared their life with her. being the only girl in their friend group, she was the designated person to go to whenever there were girls problems.

she didn't mind remus, peter, or even sirius when they came for advice but there was always something bothering her when james came to her. it hurt to hear him talk about other girls he wanted to go on dates with.

she couldn't understand why it stung so much, hurting to an extent that she couldn't quite describe, it felt as if it was a deep frustration kept inside of glass bottle, unable to be opened unless it was shattered. she succumbed when the pressure became to much, confiding in sirius and remus her feelings only to have them point it out. she fancied james.

she fancied her best friend.

and every guy she'd dated ever since he became infatuated with lily evans was just a ruse to distract herself from her real feelings. maybe that was why she didn't feel sad but rather annoyed when she was stood up on a date. why sirius purposely nudged her in what he deemed was the right direction when he said that she deserved someone like james.

she mustered up the courage to tell him how she felt multiple times but was always discouraged whenever he brought lily up, whenever he mentioned anything that she did and put her up on a pedestal.

lily was great, she knew that, she was friends with lily herself and the girl is nothing but an angel.

and as much as she thought that the two of them would make a good couple, she couldn't help but feel relieved when james told her he'd finally gotten over her. maybe this was the right time for her to finally make her move.

there was a knock on the door making her perk up from her seat. clearing her throat and straightening out her shirt, she called out. "come in!"

the doorknob turned, the door creaking open the slightest bit, unruly black hair peeking through the small opening, james had an hand over his glasses. "are you decent?"

with a short laugh, she answered him, "i am."

james came in, a goofy grin on his face when he shut the door behind him. standing almost awkwardly, he looked at her. "a little werewolf told me, you wanted to see me."

"i do." she can't help but smile in return, patting an empty spot besides her. james came forward, taking her invitation for him to be sat. "i wanted to tell you something."

james looked at her patiently, hanging onto her every word. "what is it?"

she gulped, running the scenario over one last time before she spoke it out loud. it was the day before the school year ended, everyone would be on their way back home tomorrow and it was now or never. she was going to tell him how she felt.

and it only took sirius promising her that if she confessed, he would take her on a book shopping spree, all expenses paid by him, even if they were hard covers. the things sirius would do for his friends to be in love.

"promise you won't be mad at me?"

james frowned, his brows furrowing. "why would i ever be mad at you?"

she huffed anxiously, looking to the side. "you might be after i tell you this."

james thought about it for a second, frown not once wavering. "i promise i won't be mad at you."

"okay," she mumbled more to herself than anything, gathering up everything she had in herself for her next words, "i like you. a lot."

james frowned deepened, why would he be mad at her for liking him?

and then it hit him, his eyes widening. she liked him unliked the way she liked sirius or remus or peter, she fancied him. "oh."

"are you mad at me now?" she asked slowly.

james shook his head frantically, denying it. "no, no, no, i promise you i wouldn't be. why would i even be mad at you?"

she studied him, trying to see if he was actually mad at her yet he was being the kind person he is or if he was being genuine. finally she settled on, explaining to him her thought process instead. "because this could potentially ruin our friendship."

"it doesn't," james murmured softly, skipping over her confession. "nothing can ruin our friendship."

•••

"hey remus," she said, clutching her landline close to her ear, "have you heard from james?"

"yeah, why?"

"nothing," she replied way too quickly for either of them to believe her. "[name]..." remus drawled out slowly, trying to get her to let up on whatever it is that bothered her. "i told him."

remus kept silent for a second, she could hear shuffling from his side of the call. "and what did he say?" he asked finally.

she cleared her throat, wondering how their phone call went from the topic of the full moon to this. it was summer break, everyone being back in their respective homes.

sirius was at his flat, his doors open for whenever she needed company. remus was back home, staying with his parents as he helped his mother with her work. peter was at a summer camp, he didn't tell them much about it and they never bothered to ask, if he was okay then it was good enough. james was on vacation with his family, going to see as much of europe as they possibly can.

ever since the break started, she had kept consistent contact with them. remus had picked up every call, answered every letter and even flooed to her house when she'd asked him to. she'd helped sirius moved into his new flat —bought with his uncle's money and even stayed with him as he settled in for while. peter wrote back as much as he could which was to say not much, but the good news was he found a kind girl named ava, he'd even had his first kiss with her.

she'd spoken to all of them but james. there was not a single word that's been exchanged between the two ever since break started. she couldn't call him so she opted on owling him, but her owl always came back empty handed. she was getting worried, maybe his promise of not being mad broke.

"nothing," she answered.

there was a hum from remus, a sense of tranquility falling between the invisible line. "he never knows what to say anyways. have you tried talking to him?"

"i have," she said quietly, "he hasn't replied to any of my letters. i've sent dozens and i haven't heard a single hello in return."

"maybe it got lost," remus suggested tiredly.

she made a sound of agreement before countering, "or maybe he doesn't want to talk to me anymore."

"no," remus dismissed, "he probably forgot to answer, you know how prongs is."

"i've got to go," she said, ready to hang up, "i'll see you on the train?"

"i'll see you then," remus said, and then just before the call ended, he added, "don't over think it, james is an idiot."

•••

"[name]!" sirius cheered the moment he saw her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder the second he got to her side. "how's my pretty girl doing?"

she looked at him with a small struggling smile, unable to carry her luggages under his weight. sirius noticed, pulling out his wand and levitating it behind them. "i'm good, how are you pads?"

"i'm as great as you are," he muttered before spotting remus, calling out for the lanky marauder to join the pair of them. remus kissed his mother on the cheek, bidding his father goodbye then turned to them with a timid smile. sirius repeated his question the second remus came within ear shot. "how's my lovely boy doing?"

"i've been better," he said honestly. sirius took his appearance in, brows furrowing when he noted that remus was still recovering. sirius repeated his spell, levitating remus' luggages behind the three of them as well. "where's prongs?"

"i dunno," sirius said carelessly, completely indifferent with how she tensed up beneath his arm. "i'm sure he's waiting for us in one of the carriages."

"or not," remus muttered, and before he had the chance to rethink his words, he blurted out, "he's probably with evans, they're the new head boy and girl after all."

they are?

james had not told her anything, not one single thing since break started and met its end. and now this?

she felt her stomach drop, every muscle in her body going weak. she froze in her step, unable to keep moving with the information in mind. he was with her, again. she knew that it was wrong for her to feel this way, james had a life, he can do whatever he pleased.

but it did not feel good knowing that neither sirius nor remus told her about this revelation before hand. not until she was to face him again.

"what's wrong?" sirius asked with worry, halting in his steps as well.

remus eyes widened, finally realizing the consequences of his own words. merlin, how he longed to dig himself into a hole right then and there.

"nothing," she answered after a while, feigning a smile. "nothing's wrong."

sirius gazed at her skeptically, disbelieving. "are you sure?" at her nod, sirius pursed his lips, accepting it for now. "let's find ourselves some seats then."

sirius led the way onto the hogwarts express, passing carriages upon carriages to try and find an empty one. eventually, he found one with an all too familiar face in it.

sat there with a big smile was james potter in all his glory, chatting to peter about who knows what. it didn't take long for him to notice their presence, smile growing wider when he stood up, opening up the carriage's door for them.

she turned, not wanting to be trapped in the same compartment as james for the next seven -eight? hours of the train ride only for her wrist to be caught before she could make her escape. glancing up at the arm, she found remus looking back at her with worried eyes.

she shook her head, silently begging for him to let go but remus didn't budge, his grip on her wrist tightened, keeping her in place. "i'm okay remus."

"please," she pleaded so quietly that he almost hadn't heard it. almost. reluctantly remus dropped his hand, letting her go. "i'll see you at dinner."

and with that she left, finding a seat on the other side of the train with her dorm mates and other housemates. her luggages were already put away and she trusted sirius enough to not lose her stuff.

"where's [name]?" asked james from his spot, her stuff was there but where was she? he hadn't seen her in so long. "she left," remus snapped, seeming as if he was ready to bite james' head off but he chalked it up as the after full moon effect. "why?"

"i don't know mate, you tell me."

•••

ignoring james potter was a hard process, the boy was loud (and obnoxious) his presence was everywhere she looked, from her classes to the great hall when all she wanted was a sandwich. "good morning."

"morning," remus said in return, settling besides her on her house table. "did the daily prophet come in yet?"

she thought about it for a second, chewing on her food. "no."

remus nodded, tiredly rubbing his eyes. "prong's asking for you."

"he is?" she asked with slight surprise.

"he thinks you're avoiding him." remus paused for a second, watching as sirius sat down opposing them. "which you are," he added pointedly, "but he wants to know why."

she opened her mouth, ready to reply when she spotted the fore-mentioned boy approaching their table. she stood up, grabbing her stuff as quick as she could and bid remus and sirius goodbyes.

"it happened again!" james exclaimed the moment he landed by sirius' side. "she didn't even say hello!"

•••

james had had enough. it had been three months and two weeks since she admitted her feelings to him and he never once had the chance to speak to her since. he didn't understand why she didn't talk to him on the train then and he didn't understand it now.

when the five of them were sat in the same room, talking within themselves. she had barely even look at him, only chatting with sirius, remus, and peter, it was as though he didn't exist.

he'd had enough, he decided, standing up abruptly. she was sat at sirius' desk, joking with remus —who was sat on sirius' bed about something james couldn't comprehend. making his way over, james cleared his throat, gathering their attention.

"why are you ignoring me?" he asked directly, ignoring the cautious looks that both remus and sirius threw at him.

playing dumb, she frowned. "i'm ignoring you?"

"don't act daft! you've have been ignoring me and you know it!" james said accusingly, "you told me you fancied me and got me all happy and confused and then you proceed to go out of your way to avoid me so please, for godric's sake, why have you been ignoring me?"

"why have i been ignoring you?" she repeated incredulously, "you ignored me first. that's why i'm ignoring you."

"what do you mean i ignored you first?!" he exclaimed with disbelief, "i haven't seen you in three months and when i finally do you won't even look at me, how is any of this my fault?"

"how is any of this your fault?" she repeated, her tone ridiculing him. "i sent you dozens of letters and you never answered! i thought you hated me!"

"letters?" james asked, "what letters?"

she scoffed, "i wrote to you. all through summer. and you never once answered. screw that, i don't care that you didn't answer because maybe they got lost since you kept on traveling but you knew where i'd be and yet you never wrote a single word to me."

"i thought you hated me, i thought you didn't want to see me anymore so i didn't see the point in wanting to see you."

james bit his lips, considering her words. "i didn't write to you because i wanted to give you space."

"when you told me you liked me i was ecstatic, i was also so confuse because i didn't understand why i felt so happy. i thought i liked evans but it's always been you all along and i didn't know how to accept that so i never said anything. i promised you i wouldn't be mad at you let alone hate you and i never was, not once was i mad at you. i was mad at myself for not realizing i loved you sooner."

"what am i supposed to say to that james." she huffed out, feeling helpless. the other three boys were listening in, watching as the drama unfolded while simultaneously silently rooting for them to get with one another, she knew they were.

"that you love me too," james suggested weakly, "i would really like it if you told me you love me too."

"i do," she admitted, "i've always loved you james."

james broke out into a grin. "so you're my girlfriend now?" he asked cheekily. she rolled his eyes, smiling at him as well. "take me out on a date first." he beamed at her, "of course, when are you free gorgeous?"

"when i'm done scamming your best friend's money for books."

—from bee: sigh jamesssss :<

#james potter x yn #james potter x you #james potter fluff #james potter x reader #james potter #james potter fanfic #james potter fanfiction #james potter humor #james potter angst #james potter crack #james potter imagines #Spotify #🧳: my writing

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perpetuallydaydreaming · 2 years ago

Text

ghost of a smile.

sirius said, “you fall in love with anything with a pulse.” so naturally james proves him wrong.

tags: james potter x reader,, they/them pronouns,, you’re a ghost,, sirius is vv protective of james,, wolfstar (it wasn’t supposed to be but then when i kept writing it just felt right),, crack,, age gap(???),, magical inter-racial relationships(???)

“prongs, it’s a fuckin’ ghost.”

“i love them.”

“it’s a ghost!” sirius punctuated the sentence by grabbing james by the shoulders and literally shaking him to sanity. but proved to be futile as the messy haired man clicks his tongue and shrugs off sirius’ hand as if it offended him.

“i know that, and my feelings won’t change. they make me feel alive.”

sirius groans, oh the irony, eyes wild in disbelief and turning to the rest, hopefully as exasperated and bewildered as he is. the look on his face as if saying, can you believe this guy?!

peter still looks disturbed and mooney looks like he’s trying to understand what james’ thought process was.

but that’s the thing. there is no thought. that’s why they’re in this situation in the first place. sirius likes to think there is no sane person to fancy an incorporeal being. much less, ugh, love them.

but leave it to james to prove him wrong. sirius almost laughs at the absurdity of it all.

“i know you like to go above and beyond expectations. but when i said you can fall in love with anything with a pulse, i didn’t mean for it to be a challenge.”

you cleared your throat, “i’m guessing this isn’t the best time.” you interjected sheepishly. hovering just a little above the floor. sirius thinks you almost look like a normal student. if normal students were translucent and dead.

when nobody said anything, but gave sheepish (remus and peter), worried (james) and judging (sirius) looks.

“i should just go and let you gentlemen talk things through. i’ll see you later james.”

“no don’t go,” he pouted. actually pouted! the love sick fool. “i’ll come with you.”

you shook your head, translucent hair swaying with the movement. “no it’s alright, you can stay and talk with your friends.” you smiled.

you gave him an encouraging nudge, or so to speak, since he can’t really feel you. because, again—dead.

james just nodded, and like a puppy, stayed.

once you were gone, remus was the first to speak,

“james, i think what sirius is trying to say here is how did this even happen?” remus asks softly, scratching his cheek, like he does when the puzzle he’s solving isn’t as easy as he thought it would be.

james sighs, he actually sighs like a besotted maiden, “i was— just a lost soul,” sirius blanched. “—wandering on this earth and then i met them, my beautiful love.”

“that isn’t the only lost soul that day, i bet.” sirius scoffs.

completely ignoring sirius now, james continues, “and then it just feels like everything clicked into place. they were always there when i needed someone to talk to. they were always so warm and kind. they always listened to me, they don’t make fun of my feelings. they don’t disregard them. they’re so beautiful and so smart. they’re crazy smart, knows a lot of things about history and all. you two would get along well, mooney.”

“they should know about history considering they died in it.” sirius hiss out but ultimately ignored.

“but james…” remus starts, and sirius almost sighs in relief at least somebody was also using their brain.

but then james interrupts, “i know they’re a ghost, and there’s not much else i can do about that. but remus, i can feel them. when we talk, i know they understand me and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way about someone before.”

sirius rolls his eyes, having heard a similar speech when james said he fell in love with the store clerk in a muggle record shop in london.

sirius wanted so badly to scream out louder, in hopes to wake his friend from his delusion.

james clearly isn’t sound of mind right now. and it’s his duty as his best mate to help him. with the help of remus, they can do it. so he took the first step.

“james—“

“i think that’s beautiful james.” remus cut in.

sirius have never felt so betrayed in his life. and by remus of all people. and his face made sure to show this betrayal. lips curling into a horrified gape, eyes in a frenzy of rage.

remus clicks his tongue at him and covers his face with his large warm hand.

“thank you remus.” his crazy friend gave his crazier friend a lopsided smile.

hells, he was even blushing.

“are you fucking serious right now remus? they’re dead!” he shouted, muffled by remus’ hand.

remus ignored him turning to a now frowning james, “why don’t you go ahead and catch up with them while i talk to sirius quickly.”

james gave sirius a brief look and nodded. walking back, searching for the poltergeist in the castle.

“what’s wrong with you?!” remus hissed once james was out of sight.

sirius removing the hand on his mouth, growling as he says, “me?! i’m not the one getting it on with a soul, remus. what you’re okay with this?”

“yes,” remus gave a noncommittal shrug, “i’d be okay with it even if you were the one totally enamoured by a ghost.”

sirius gave him a dead look, “you’d be okay with your boyfriend in love with a ghost.”

remus rolls his eyes, a light dust of pink glowing on his cheeks and ears, “not like that, i just mean if the situation was different, you’d want somebody to support you. besides, it’s james, i’m sure this is all harmless.”

“harmless?! am i really the only thinking this is down right strange? i mean it’s a spirit for merlin’s sake! i know my family isn’t exactly picky with their romantic counterparts, fucking cousins and all, so i might not be the best person to defend my case. but this is a dead thing! a ghost. haunting hogwarts. that has to cross some boundary, right?”

remus softly groaning in frustration, “do you think i don’t know that? of course i think this is crazy! but what else could we do? when has james ever listened to us? especially with his penchant for following skirts.”

“and the occasional pants.” peter added with a shrug.

“it’s even crazier that you agree with me but is still willing to let this go on?!”

“if it’s anything like his previous escapades then i’m sure this won’t last as long.” remus sighs, rubbing his neck and stretching his neck.

“ultimately, let him make a fool of himself then. great idea.”

“i think we should trust james more,” peter shrugged, “i mean i’ve seen more weird pairings than a wizard and a ghost. my neighbour’s first boyfriend was a goblin, you know.”

remus lifts his hand to peter, as if to say, see? peter gets it!

“et tu peter?” sirius deadpanned. “traitors. both of you.” turning away as he swiftly walks away from the group.

“what did i do?” peter calls out to him.

“you, especially were no help!” sirius shouted back. his huffs and angry steps echoing in the stone castle.

if they weren’t going to stop james from being barmy then it’s up to him to stop this from going further.

it was a week later and james was still dating the damn ghost. he was even off celebrating some obscure couple holiday. maybe it was your death anniversary, who knows. sweet circe, james is down bad.

sirius slammed a thick dusty old book in the quiet corner of the library.

madam pince already looking over to them aggressively hushing the group.

remus immediately called out a flustered apology before turning to sirius to whisper.

“what is that?”

with smug grin and a hand on his narrow hips, “this, my sweet mooney, is the answer to our haunting problem.”

an ancient, dusty, dirty book that was practically falling apart titled, polly’s practical practices to the paranormal and poltergeists.

“i told you to leave it.” remus clicking his tongue and glaring at the overly smug man.

peter gingerly grabbed the book and started to comb through the pages. “how is this going to help?”

“go to page 189, it talks about exorcisms.” leaning over peter’s shoulders.

“you’re going to exorcist james’ lover?” the tone remus used was full of judgment and condensation. and sirius does not welcome that energy into his space. so, he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms— ready to shut down the negative energy.

“it also says on page 7 that ghosts are simply souls that are unable to cross through the spiritual realm. so if anything, i’m doing them a favour.”

peter chewing his lip in contemplation. “shouldn’t we tell james about this first?”

“james is biased, therefore his opinion is invalid.”

remus leaning back into his seat in a slump, “james is a grown man. he can decide for himself what he wants to do in his free time, even if that includes hanging around with a ghost all day.”

sirius feels a twitch in his eye coming. remus for every ounce of his prettiness, equates that to his stubbornness. so you can just imagine how stubborn this man is when he wants to be.

“babe,” sirius groans out, “i don’t understand how you can just let james make a fool of himself like this!—“ there’s a distinct shushing sound, and sirius looks over to sheepishly nod in apology, continuing in a much lower but just as aggressive tone, “he’s dating a fucking ghost, and i’m going to stop it, okay?”

remus levelled him with a glare. “have you even tried getting to know them?”

“the ghost?”

remus levels him with a stare, “they have a name.”

“whatever.” sirius scoffs before straightening up and looking at two of his friends betrayal dawning on his face, “don’t tell m—“

“i’ve gotten to know them very well actually, peter has too. hung out multiple times now.”

“you have? since when? how? why didn’t you tell me?”

peter, closing the book softly, “since james told us, they’re actually pretty cool. not as mental as the other ghosts for one.”

sirius gawks, the familiar sting of disappointment and betrayal brewing in his navel. “and you didn’t think to inform me of this development?!”

“mr. black, please leave the premises if you can’t keep the decorum expected in the library!”

“—sorry!” sirius calls back, before turning back to them, whispering harshly, “some friends you are.” swiftly grabbing the book back.

“someone has to be since you’ve refused to talk to james.”

“because he’s gone crazy, i don’t talk to crazy people— already had enough of that from my mother.”

remus now reaching for the book and reading the table of contents, “how do you even know if this book is accurate?”

sirius rolls his eyes, “it’s the only book left about ghosts,”

remus raised an eyebrow at that, “the only book left? or you just don’t know where to look?”

peter snickered. “considering this is the longest time he’s been in the library for the last six years, i’m guessing he doesn’t even have a library card.”

sirius let out a quiet gasp, petulant as he defends, “this is not the longest time, i know where the sections are.”

“right. well good luck on whatever it is you’re planning. if i wasn’t clear enough— i want no part of this whatsoever, assuming it all blows up in your face.” remus raising a scarred hand in the air and sauntering away.

sirius clicks his tongue, annoyed, “peter, hand me some parchment. i need to make notes about cleansing haunted areas.”

sirius already has a solid plan. he had thought of everything! he’s already practiced the ceremony in the dorms, with peter acting like the ghost. he even practiced drawing the runes and the enunciation of the incantations. he just needs to know where you usually reside in the castle, so he can draw the runes.

the only problem is, he doesn’t know where you are and what better way to know than from romeo, himself.

“james,” sirius calls out.

“here we go.” he hears peter wince, but resolutely ignoring him.

taking a deep breath, “i want to apologize for the way i acted, you deserve to be happy. and if they make you as happy as you say they do, then okay. as your best mate, i’m going to be more supportive of you.”

james, like a big softie that he is, immediately beamed a smile, grabbing sirius by the shoulders and crushing him into a hug.

“i knew you’d come around!” he gushed in his ear. sounding so utterly elated that he almost feels guilty for lying. but he has to do this. for james. “sirius you’re my brother! of course, i forgive you! i don’t think i can even go on for longer not speaking to you. bugged me like mad.”

remus all but looked at sirius in complete suspicion, which he ignores in favour of looking as earnest as he possibly could. peter looking down right nervous as his gaze filters through all three of them.

“to prove my support. i want to meet y/n and be their friend. get to know them a little bit better.”

and if it was even possible, james shone even brighter, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling in excitement. he hadn’t seen that look on his face for quite some time now. looking equivocally happy.

“let’s go right now!”

“now?!”

“yeah, they should be on the third floor.” james grinned. walking a brisk pace and everyone jogging to keep up.

“what are you doing?” remus whispered as he power walked beside him.

sirius feigned innocence, “i’m supporting my best mate.”

remus frowned, not buying it, “and this is after you exorcise them or? or do you plan on damning their soul now?”

sirius clicked his tongue, “you told me to support james and when i do, you doubt me. it’s like you don’t love me.”

“you better be supporting james or i swear to god—“

“so james!” looking ahead, resolutely ignoring the stare burning to the side of his face. “anything i should know before meeting this special apparition of yours?”sirius says, lips stretching into an easy smile.

james slowed his pace, perfectly chirpy to divulge any information about his lover. glowing pink on his cheeks as he starts, “well, they’ve been a ghost in hogwarts since 1902, they were sorted in—“

“do you know how they died?” sirius cut off. resulting in a rude elbow jab from remus and a small frown from peter.

“what?” he said indignantly. isn’t that a vital question to ask? asking how a ghost died?

“they said there was an incident, an ogre got into the castle and, um, killed them,”

yikes.

the book said ghosts may not know how they died. associating their willingness to pass because they haven’t had the closure to move on. though if you knew how you died, it seems counter-productive to tell you about your death in order for you to pass on. so that’s crossed out.

“so are they secretly disembowelled or something? like almost-headless nick?”

james looked back and pursed his lips, gaze turning a little bit sharper, “no, they look perfectly okay. beautiful even.”

oh sure, he thought.

“they do,” remus piped up giving him a stern look. as if he heard him, “very pretty.”

sirius rolls his eyes, “oh of course, puts veela’s to shame, i’m sure.” waving his hand, opting for nonchalance as he continues, “so, what do you usually talk about with them then? surely common interests with an old ghost is hard to find.”

“they’re actually quite young compared to the other ghosts. that’s why they mostly keep to themselves on this floor.”

sirius grimace, fighting a shiver down his spine. “yes being over sixty. very young.”

james glared at him, and he raised his arms in surrender, “just joking.”

“—we talk about a lot of things, quidditch is one.”

“quidditch.” he repeated. do ghosts even follow the leagues?

remus placing an arm around james, “they used to play quidditch, a chaser.”

“quite good too, found their name on past rosters in the library.” peter grinned.

james beamed, encouraged by the others to prattle on. louder and faster like he can’t help but talk about you. like he was just waiting for a reason to. “and they liked potions, helps me study sometimes—“

“study.” he repeated. “with your ghost lover.”

“—oh, we’re here! my love?” james calling out into the alcoves and the barren hall. “i bought my friends, are you here?”

and then like a chill going up his spine, you showed up. floating a hair just above the ground, making it look like as if you’re walking.

you were a pale translucent thing. he had hardly looked at you the first time he’s seen you. confidently thinking he didn’t have to until james inevitably moves on from you. frankly, he didn’t know what to expect once he saw you, again. maybe look a bit alive, since his very much alive friend is very much in love with you.

you looked pretty, sure. but it was nothing to write home about. certainly not the kind that he would be willing to overlook the state of your mortality. but yeah, sure, pretty.

he almost wants to rolls his eyes.

“james, i was going to look for you.” you breathed. looking equally enamoured.

“what for my love?” he asks.

then you noticed the other approaching individuals, “oh hello, remus, peter, and—?“

“this is sirius, remember? i told you about him, didn’t i?” james but all grinned, going up to you and raising his hand as if to touch you. if he even can.

you looked like thin sheets blowing in the wind. if thin sheets can talk and haunt.

“that you did.” you laughed, and then your hand started to look fuckin’ solid. like a solid, human hand grabbing james’ and even squeezing back.

“nice to see you again, y/n, how have you been?” peter smiled.

you shrugged, smiling a little strained. “still very much dead, and here. thanks.”

sirius looked at your joined hands. tight and secure.

remus nudges him out of stupor and he flashes a strained smile.

so you can materialize. at least that answers some questions. though it opens a new array of questions for him now. questions he has no problem vocalizing.

“you can materialize?”

you turn to him, looking beyond nonchalant and relaxed with the whole situation. you obviously also hold no objections to the peculiar relationship. looking all too willing to be james’ dead lover.

“if i try hard enough, yes.”

“how long can you materialize?”

“if it’s just my hands, i can probably hold for a good hour or so.”

the book didn’t mention this.

sirius looks at you, up and down, apprehensive and suspicious. “can every ghost do this then?”

“i think so, though i haven’t seen them attempt it. i’m guessing they never really had any reason to.” you turn to james and grin at him. like some secret was just shared.

james looked at you twice as bright and giddy. hopelessly, happy and pink.

sirius thinks he’s going to hurl.

“so, do you just go materializing your hand, touching school boys every decade or so?”

“pardon?”

“sirius!” remus hissed.

sirius smiles the fakest smile he has, “just a joke.”

you raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t comment. he can feel the heat of james glare and hear the insistent shuffling of peter to his side.

“why did you decide to date james? are you planning on possessing him for his living body?”

“sirius black!” remus grits out, pinching his side.

james stepped forward to shield you, a frown deep in his face, but you just tug at his arm, and he softens.

you laugh, “no, i don’t plan on possessing my boyfriend. as for why i’m dating him,” you turn to look at james again, sharing a secret smile again, “well, i quite like him.”

sirius clicks his tongue.

the night continued on. he asked questions, and you answered them.

he would be, admittedly, very difficult. maybe even down-right rude but you seem to assimilate to his attitude soon enough.

every jab and attack he would aim at you. you would receive with grace and an amused ghost smile.

eventually james wanted some alone time and sirius was just glad for a reason to finally leave.

“you know you could have been a bit nicer or at least decent to y/n.” remus hissed once james and casper went away.

“oh trust me, that was me being nice.” he scoffs.

“asking insensitive questions is not nice, last i checked.” peter said.

shaking his head, “i could have said it was fucking creepy that james is fucking dating a ghost. or maybe tell james he needs to make an appointment with a mind healer soon —that his impulsivity with the concept of “falling in love” is all twisted and, let’s face it, short-lived— pun-intended. i could write to fleamont that his son is fracking with a soul trapped in hogwarts! but i didn’t. trust me that was being nice.” he all but shouted, panting as his face blotched red.

“finally dropping your supporting your best mate agenda then, are you?”

sirius turns to remus, huffing and beyond betrayed, “have you not been listening?!”

remus clicks his tongue, “i understand, but it’s just as you said. all of this is short-lived that will eventually die out. so why bother stressing about it? y/n is a pretty cool spirit if you get to know them.”

“it’s a spirit from the 1900, what else is there to know?”

“you are a real piece of work.” remus giving him a hard glare, pulling at his fringe hard.

peter all quiet and mousy said, “i don’t even know why you’re so worked up about all this.”

sirius groans, “the reason why i’m so worked up about all this is, because it is james, we all know how he is. this is going to be another repeat of him falling for somebody, getting his hopes up and fall face down on the ground. and i’ve seen him fall way too many times to let it happen again. it’s a fucking ghost. there is no future with them. james doesn’t see reason, so it’s up to us to help him.”

remus blinked, and then sagged.

“i get it, okay? i get where you’re coming from. but i think out of everyone here, james is the one that understands this the most. just trust him on this. he’s not daft, he knows what he’s doing.”

“but what if he gets hurt again?”

“then we’ll be there for him.”

you can still somewhat hear them argue in the empty halls. you were sure james can too, if his frown was anything to go by.

“sirius is… lovely.” you hummed.

james groans, pulling you to to sit with him on one of the benches. “i’m so sorry about that, he’s just—“

you raise hand to stop his blabber, “i completely understand, he’s protective of you. i feel the same way.” you whispered.

james looks at you abashed and pink, before he looks away. still, rubbing his thumb to your knuckles even as it slowly becomes faint and pale, once again.

“he’ll warm up to you soon,” he nodded.

you smiled, “should i be worried if he doesn’t?”

he turns to you again, looking at you completely besotted, “you shouldn’t, he’ll like you.”

“you sound sure.”

“because i know him, and i know you. you are, after all, the most charming ghost in the castle.” he grins.

“what a title,” you softly sighed.

“just give him time,”

suddenly you’ve been reminded why you wanted to meet with him. you felt the phantom rhythm of your dead heart thrum through your veins. nervous after so many decades, funny.

“i’ve been reading, lately.”

“oh? about what?” he grins at you, cheeks a healthy glow of life and eyes bright like the light in the morning.

you almost falter, but thank merlin you don’t.

you were sure you wouldn’t be able to tell him if you postponed any more.

“about… leaving.”

“leaving?” he straightened. “what do you mean?”

you flowed to the other side of the room, higher than you would usually go, whenever you were with him. wanting to keep the illusion of normalcy of walking with him. like you were still alive. like a normal student with their boyfriend.

“i’ve been researching about this for a while, even before you came here—hogwarts, i mean, and i think i’ve found some sort of break through. this is what i wanted to talk to you about before— before meeting sirius and all that.”

“what like leaving the castle grounds? or—“ he gulps, looking absolutely terrified. “or leaving?”

you know he was smart enough to answer his own questions. but you also considered he would be in denial, unabashedly hopeful, so you clarified. “about passing on. leaving, for good. i’ve already talked to some other spirits in the castle, who wants to go too and some have already agreed.”

“but don’t you—“ james licked his lips, shifting one foot to the other, “don’t you want to stay with me?”

your chest is hollow, nay, non-existent. but the way he looks at you, his voice, and his warm hand reaching out to you, made you think your chest might be aching with pain.

for all your years in purgatory, haunting and never moving on. all these years of weaving through the halls, seeing different faces every year, it all seemed so short.

and the stretch of your time comprising of moments of when james potter was seeking you out. talking to you. making a companion out of you. and being with you. making you feel alive again.

he was young, bright, and callous, and rough. but he is also sweet, soft, and kind.

you knew from the start, this would never last.

you knew, like everyone else, that he’ll eventually leave too.

there was no life with you. that ended decades ago.

but he still has time.

“james,” you softly called out, floating over to him. thinking long and hard to be corporeal. even if it’s just your hands, so you could touch him.

“don’t.“ he looks down, biting down on his lips, refusing to look at you now. but he did nothing to move away from your hold, he never did, instead lifting his own to touch yours, soft yet firm. “don’t tell me some bull about living my life.”

you sigh, lifting his head to see his ever beautiful eyes, “but you have to.”

he softly shook his head in your hands, his grip tightening afraid to let go. “and i want to spend every moment i can with you,”

“and then what?” you ask.

he stops, his gaze moving all around your face, as if memorizing it to the fullest extent.

“i’m to stay now, and then you leave, and then i stay here? forever?”

he shook his head, pouting like kid, and you always endeared.

“i could get a job here and live here all year long, you can stay in my quarters where we can talk and be toge—“

you laugh letting him go, your hands turning translucent like before, like always. “there is no life with me, james. we’ve talked about this.” you look at him. you see his lip harshly bit down, gnawing, as he pulled to release the blood.

“you know this.“

james turns away from you. scratching his neck, his eyebrows furrowed. like the first time you saw him in the halls. after another failed attempt at wooing birds.

“i know.” he conceded. “i’ve been reading too. i’ve checked out books on how you can pass on. i think i’ve checked out every damn book about ghosts in the library.” he laughs bitterly.

you didn’t know this. he didn’t tell you. somehow that made the pain in your chest clench more. you always thought he would be against you leaving. something on your face must’ve shown this because he clarifies, before looking down again.

“i thought that if— i was the one to find the solution, find the way for you to move on, it wouldn’t feel— it wouldn’t hurt. i thought if it was on my own terms, i would be able to accept it easily. but i’m wrong, of course. it wouldn’t be that simple. especially not with you. with us.”

“you were looking for a way for me to pass on?” you ask gently, stopping low to catch his gaze.

he looked as earnest like the day you met him, nodding as he said, “because i know how miserable you felt. i know you—you don’t have enough reason to stay here any longer than you have. i know us, being together, isn’t reason enough for you to be stuck here for all eternity. i know this, but i was still hoping—”

“oh james,” you sighed.

“some irrational part of my brain wants you stay. i even thought of being with you here too. be with you after—“

“james potter.” you sharply cut in, gaze hardening in anger. but his gaze of despair made you soft and sigh again.

“i will not let you.”

you think of all the ghost trapped in the castle. you see them through the years, losing all sense of themselves more and more. becoming irate and miserable. seeing the same grounds, the same routines, the same days, mashing together in an endless cycle. never moving forward.

and then you see his eyes so full of love, and life, and bravery, and sweetness and roughness. even just thinking he might succumb to the cycle—

“i will not let you.” you repeated.

james reached out again, “i love you,”

you smiled at him, the faux fuzziness spreading down to your phantom toes. “you’ll find someone else to love james. someone who can spend more years of life with you, with so much love to give, i have no doubt about it.”

you think back to the boy crying with a broken rose in the halls, another heartache. the bright eyed look you see him give the person he’s chosen to love that day. another love. always so earnest, always with so much love that he has to give it to someone else.

you brush over his soft cheeks, committed to feeling him for the last time.

“do you—“ he breathed, leaning into your touch and bashfully looking down, “do you think i could see you on the other side?”

you gave a loop-sided smile, seriously how utterly charming, you thought. “i would like to think so. i can even greet you myself once you arrive if you’d like.”

he looks up at you, giving you a pretty smile, “yeah, okay.”

you didn’t leave immediately. you waited for another week.

james drew the runes for you, with sirius eagerly helping. you spent your last days, exploring the hidden parts of the castle with james, showing him all the secret passages you’ve come across. you spent your last day with james talking. taking in a full-body corporeal form and hugging him for the first time. and kissing him.

you left quietly, in the night when he was asleep.

he looked for you in the halls, the next morning, hoping you’d change your mind.

when you didn’t show after an hour, he left—blinking the embarrassing tears collecting in his eyes.

eventually though, james will move on. he doesn’t quite understand true love all that well yet. he’ll still mistake other feelings for love. maybe fall quickly. maybe love more than one person at the same time. eventually, he’ll fall in love, for real this time, find someone else to give his seemingly endless amount of love to and it’ll be returned ten-fold.

or at least it’s what sirius says to remus and peter. after remus reprimanded him for being too happy that you were gone.

extra:

later, when james opens the door on that halloween night. the living room glowing bright with green and the echoes of his son’s cries and his wife’s fast stomps upstairs. he would close his eyes in a swift end. thinking how peaceful it is, how quick— his face graced with a ghost of a smile, he would think of you, and hope you’re waiting on the other side.

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