#jackie taylor x shauna sadecki

[kayray-art]

☙ Day 3 : Alternate Universe ❧

| Soulmates AU |

event hosted by: @jackieshauna-weekend

find this post on

| twitter |

[kafkaesqueer]

I'm Your Man, Mitski // Jackieshauna, Yellowjackets

[lesbianjackies]

i saw this reposted on pinterest last night and no joke have been thinking abt it non-stop since. i think jackie was going to be hurt as long as the person shauna was having sex with wasn't her. she doesn't frame it that way in her mind but their codependency becomes sexual in an inherent way because they literally cannot do anything without the other. shauna tries to break away from this by having sex with jeff but it doesn’t work — because even this rebellion is at its core about jackie. she has sex with jeff to gain some agency, to tell herself jackie doesn't control her life, but she does. and this isn't jackie's fault — jackie controls shauna through shauna's own obsession with and dependency on her. in the end, shauna didn’t have sex without jackie — she was thinking about her the whole time.

[pridejacketss]

“oh yeah her favorite color was yello—“

YOU KNOW YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO RUTGERS? YOU JUST ASSUMED I’D WANT TO GO WHEREVER YOU WANTED. YOU TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR, WHAT TO DO, WHO TO HOOK UP WITH. I DONT EVEN LIKE SOCCER! BUT YOU JUST GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT, ALL THE TIME LIKE ITS NOTHING!

[roanandthearc]

what if shauna only tried to became catholic because she felt guilty about liking jackie

[lottiescutecultt]

they were SO in love omfg

[cannibalmeowmeow]

[hauntedbythenarrative]

I don't even know where you end and I begin

Woman with Dead Child, Käthe Kollwitz//Michael Cunningham//Saudade, John Freeman//Yellowjackets (2021-)

[kayray-art]

☙ Day 1 : Dialogue Challenge ❧

❝ I’d be a great parent, just saying ❞

(side note: if anyone has fics like this pls lmk [i like to be sad])

event hosted by: @jackieshauna-weekend

while you’re here pls check out my JS comic

[strawberrysodaslut]

good luck babe but it’s them

[doloriads]

Living In The Memory Of A Love That Never Was / Pining

Writer In The Dark / Lorde, Fleabag / 2x06, Hannibal, Unknown, War Of Foxes / Richard Siken, Yellowjackets / 1x01, Long Long Time / Linda Ronstadt

[tabithatwo]

are we ready to talk about shauna's barely hidden but somehow very ignored psychosis and how it, like a ton of her other qualities, is brushed aside by both those around her and the audience? like, i think its clear that a central focus of the show is the way lottie is the only one who got stuck in a facility (and natalie in and out of rehab being the next closest to reckoning with her shit) when the rest of them are very clearly not okay. as a certified Crazy Girl, i've been weary of how they'll handle lottie's story line (blurring psychosis and the supernatural is a very delicate and tricky thing and thus far i've been sort of just waiting to see where it goes). our data on and understanding of mental health is incredibly limited for a lot of reasons (but that's a rant for another time) but there is a large mainstream misconception of when hallucinations and delusions can happen. psychosis isn't just something that happens in schizophrenia and its very complex, so if you want to learn more there's plenty of info out there i'm not going to get into it here, but it happens in a lot of other cases. psychosis is, most simply put, a loss of contact with external reality. ptsd can cause psychosis, especially auditory and visual hallucinations.

so shauna is shown to have these experiences and i didn't realize that they were being so heavily overlooked by a large amount of people until the reaction to the scene where she beats lottie nearly to death. shauna is introduced in s1 as having hallucinations of jackie 25 years later. she is shown to disassociate. in 207, she both holds the baby's body and believes the delusion that they ate the baby. the episode shows her fighting the delusion until she can't anymore. meanwhile, adult shauna tells lottie she keeps callie at arms length out of "fear that she would die...i guess? or maybe that she was never even...real to begin with." then she adds "i think something is broken, lottie." implied: she's broken. something is wrong with her. this is the is the most honest about her mental state we've ever seen shauna be.

why? because lottie has always been and likely will always be perceived as crazier. lottie is the one they pin it on, lottie is the cult leader both then and now, lottie is the scapegoat, lottie is the one who got sent to switzerland. i think there's something to be said for the effect lottie has on people (again, a whole other post) but honestly, that alone is enough. shauna is feeling vulnerable for a lot of reasons and she can tell lottie that she thinks she's crazy, that she's never quite sure her daughter exists, that she's constantly afraid she'll die to the degree that she doesn't let herself interact with her in a real, tangible way, because it's always safer to tell the crazy girl you're crazy, too.

and lottie knows. shauna knows that. lottie clocked her psychosis almost immediately, when she was in the meat shed for all hours. the other girls were shocked by the makeup, and their shock was so fucking strange to me when i watched it, but now on reflecting i'm realizing maybe its the lottie effect. like, have i done the shit shauna has? abso-fucking-lutely not lol. but does my mind work in a way where i immediately would assume shauna was doing something along the lines of the shit she was doing out there, because to me its like...what else would it be? yeah. like sees like, in a way. lottie knows what this looks like at baseline, even if its coming out way different in shauna. even if in shauna it looks like aggression and violence a lot of the time. lottie gets it.

jeff doesn't get it, he thinks strawberry lube is too wild. taissa gets it to a degree, and we see shauna be the second most open with her, but tai suppresses and hides it a degree that she wouldn't dare step foot in a therapist's office (this is yet another thing that makes me crazy but is a whole other post lol). shauna's main goal in this life she's created is pretending to be normal. and she's like, impressively bad at it. but people let her, because what else are they going to do? addressing the clear issues is taboo, because we categorize people so heavily. she masks better than lottie, but it's fucking wafer thin. you see this when she interacts with people who aren't her family or the other yjs. the way she speaks to the taylors? to adam? shauna is only sometimes masking passably when she's in her set world, where she has a routine, and is surrounded by people she only has to half-convince of her sanity.

if shauna is honest about the level of psychosis she experiences, she knows she'll end up like lottie. and i think there's an argument to be made that the people around her (which at this point in her life is pretty much just jeff because she's done another common thing and insulated herself from other people, re: the way she behaves being clockably off to others who won't overlook certain things or can't relate) understand that too. it can't be addressed, because then in their minds there must be action of some kind if it is. (taissa yelling you're acting crazy, shauna is one of the most purely terrified moments we see of her in relation to shauna, because she knows she's admitting something. jeff yelling something to the same effect after the carjacking, same thing.)

the person we see try to get shauna to open up about it is callie. her teenage daughter, who bares the brunt of her difficulty maintaining reality, (who knows that shauna has never accepted her fully as her child, and seems to actually sense that there is a deeper reason for that), asks her to open up. she tells her after the club scene that she knows something is wrong. she even mentions jackie directly. she spends all of s2 trying to relate to shauna, to get her to be open with her about everything. there's no way shauna's trauma and psychosis and general issues have gone unnoticed by callie. daughters always know. they see it in their mothers before they even have a concept of the world. so we're watching a 16 year old try to get her mom to open up, because she doesn't understand fully why that's so dangerous to shauna. to callie, it may even be a secret she thinks other people are in on that she's being left out of. i think maybe she's realizing that it isn't personal and that shauna is guarded like this in general, and we're watching that happen.

callie is learning to care for and relate to her mother and she doesn't see why shauna won't let her in, because to her it's an innate truth that she'll be by her side no matter what (if only she'd let her be). she has unconditional love for her mother and that is the scariest thing in the world to shauna, because the last person who had unconditional love for shauna died because shauna didn't know what to do with it. a baby she never got a chance to meet in reality could've replaced the love that jackie gave her, and shauna was maybe starting to look forward to that, but that ended before it began. so twice shauna has killed that figure in her life. the one who loves her wholly and for who she is, which is terrifying to shauna in it's own right (she tried to take that away from jackie in their last moments, maybe you never really knew me, because that would be easier. shauna can't handle someone really knowing her because she can't handle really knowing herself because, again, that means addressing things that go unaddressed). and she doesn't plan on killing that figure again.

(if callie's even real, because the baby wasn't real when she met him and jackie wasn't real every time she's talked to her in the last twenty-five years, so who the fuck is to say callie is real?)

[bluemoonscape]

Say what you want about Shauna Shipman, but no one lost more to the wilderness than she did. Even those who lost their lives are described as “lucky” because they didn’t live long enough to fundamentally lose who they were as a person. Jackie was, for the most part, still Jackie by the time of her death, for example. Shauna and the others didn’t get that luxury, but Shauna didn’t just lose herself once. Shauna lost Jackie, and really, wasn’t Jackie just her, and her just Jackie? Shauna lost her baby; the baby who cost her so much, the baby who she resented right up until the moment she loved him, and then he was gone.

Every part of what made her up was ripped from her until there was nothing left. The survivors all lost something, but Shauna lost everything.

[rhcenyra]

YELLOWJACKETS ⇢ 1x06 | SAINTS

[bonyassfish]

No but describing Shauna as being in love with Jackie isn’t enough. It’s not I love you so much as. I love you. I hate you. I’m in love with you. I’m fucking your boyfriend just so I can pretend to be you. You’re the best friend I ever had. I want to be you. I want to be with you. You’ve consumed my entire personality. I ate your ear. I’m jealous of you. I live the life you were supposed to live and I hate it. I need to be close to you at all times. I wish I could escape your ghost. You’re forever frozen at your most beautiful and tragic. You’re my saint. We can’t face our feelings for each other. I wanted you to sleep outside. I played dress up with your corpse. We all thought you were pathetic. We were all jealous of you. We needed you. You made me into your perfect best friend. I’m going to eat you. I’m consuming you as an act of grief and worship. I love you. I hate you. I’ll spend the rest of my life haunted by you. I don’t know where you end and I begin.

[blackthornluce]

We can plant a memory garden Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair