#jackass headcanon

[thepeachyouhadtopick]

Hi! I thought the parts in your fic where Johnny and Ell were sneaking around and dating in secret was so cute. I noticed you take requests and I wanted to ask if you'd write a headcanon about them sneaking? I know you're past it in your fic now but I just feel hungry for more because it was so adorable LOL! TIA

i'm sorry this took me so long to publish! i just wanted to be sure it was right before i posted it i hope it's ok!!

johnny and ell dating in secret headcanon

blowing kisses to each other across the set when nobody’s looking

texting each other dirty messages during work or in the van

hugging each other for just a moment longer in the morning and at night

and like before they dated it would just be a friendly arms thrown round each other, a pat on the back or whatever

but now they’re dating Ell hugs him with her arms around his waist and Johnny with his arms like under her armpits idk I hope that makes sense?? just so they can hold each other extra close

and honestly it amazes them that nobody notices that they hug tighter and for longer

notes under the motel doors even though they can text each other

and they both keep each note obviously but neither of them tell the other that they’ve been keeping them

holding hands under the table at dinner whenever they get the chance

and accidentally falling asleep on each other in the van

but sometimes not even falling asleep just allowing themselves to enjoy the contact for a minute

steve-o and stephanie always giving them the heads up in case anyone is about to catch them being all mushy together

but at the same time also making steve and steph wanna puke with how sickly sweet they are during the time they actually get to spend together

sharing food on set omg

like if Johnny’s eating a nice snack he offers Ell some just so they can have another interaction (i feel like he would’ve done this before he knew she liked him too???)

yanking each other behind a wall or a van just to steal a kiss

and giggling about it

his lil nervous hands whenever they talked on set normally (ofc he was like this before they got together too because she made him flustered without even trying)

like in the first few weeks he would just stumble over his words n be extra considerate of everything he said and did

Ell would wanna make sure she looked good for him at first, but not like she made too much effort

she would just consider her outfits a little more each morning

and maybe remember to wash her hair a little more often

eventually she realises that PJ couldn’t give a fuck how she dressed because he was down so bad for her

Rick or Dimitry or someone else took a casual / off-guard behind-the-scenes photo of them together just hanging out or waiting around to shoot and they’re desperate to see it because it’s their first couple picture together

like they’re literally just stood next to each other but they need to see it

if they were all out at a bar and everyone was drunk Johnny would take the opportunity to leave lingering touches on the small of Ell’s back as they walked through the crowded room because everyone was less likely to notice

and he would always offer to get her a drink from the bar

or a snack from the shop if they stopped somewhere during travelling

OH and if he injured himself during a stunt every so often he’d ask if Ell had any more bandages in her bag (the ones she usually brought along for Steve-O) just so he could enjoy the feeling of Ell taking care of him and they could share a quiet moment together, holding their gazes and smiling as Ell cleaned him up so carefully even though there was a medic on site

quiet and slow make out sessions when Ell got to sneak into Johnny’s motel room

lottttttts of touching because they’ve both spent an entire day entirely touch-starved for each other

the thrill of getting caught encouraging them a little too much

Johnny gently playing with Ell’s clit and/or fingering her with his free hand covering her mouth to muffle any sounds she might make

both of them giggling at the sound of Ell’s muffled whines

similarly Johnny would totally be biting down on his hand so he didn’t moan when Ell gave him head

Johnny would always be wearing his Aviators so he could just stare at Ell without anyone noticing

he’d get a little jealous of the other guys flirting with Ell but he trusted her and he knew that they wouldn’t do it if they knew about their relationship

tbh he loved seeing her get along with the other guys so well and acting dumb with them all

occasionally a pet name will slip through like ‘doll’ or ‘sweetheart’/‘sweetie’ and Johnny just tries to style it out which Ell finds very cute

when he’s alone in his hotel room every so often secretly he’ll listen to Ell’s music or watch her music videos or read interviews with her on his laptop just bc he misses her face or her voice and wants to know more about her even though she’s literally in the room next door

like he’s secretly a massive fan of her music ever since they first met

they’re always talking about music in general or their favourite movies or books

like it’s clear to everyone that they have a lot of common interests but nobody really thinks anything of it because they both let the others join in their conversations too

it PAINS them both to be sneaking around because they both just wanna show off how they feel about each other

so it’s actually a blessing in disguise when they finally get caught out by everyone

honestly it amazes them both that nobody clocked anything before steve-o accidentally let it slip

and ofc they are so happy that everyone approves of them

link to the fic if any of you haven't read it before!

[allthegothihopgirls]

when the batboys get broken bones or other things that can't be fixed in the batcave, and have to go to an actual hospital, they make up the most outlandish sounding excuses for their injuries:

dick (with a broken leg): "well you see, i was actually trying to jump over a river on a pair of rollerskates"

jason (with broken ribs): "i was volunteering at the zoo... feeding the alligators. i fell backwards with the meat in my hands, and one pounced on me. funny how much damage they can do."

tim (with the worst concussion man has ever seen): "oh that? i was walking outside.. and my brothers were playing basketball on the top floor of the house, and one of them accidentally threw the ball out the window, and it landed on my head"

(bruce hears that one and has to reconsider whether or not the version of the story tim told him (getting hit by condiment king's mustard launcher) was the truth or not)

damian (with fingers twisted in every direction): "i play the piano... very violently"

[lilithknoxville]

yeah….

[abellmunsonmovie]

I feel like if Eddie was alive in the late 90s and early 2000s he’d love Jackass. Also like what if Corroded Coffin got famous or whatever and they were a special guest on there?!?!

“Hey my names, Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!” -Eddie before cutting to wee man getting shot out of a canon

[kazutora-kurokawa]

Rockstar!Izana Headcanons

♡ SFW->NSFW, Obsessive!Izana, Electric Guitar Player!Izana, Cheater!Izana, Izana being toxic and controlling, praise + degradation, breeding kink, exhibitionism ♡

note: This idea was submitted by @katkitkats, thank you Kat 🫶 I decided to add cheater!Izana into this because it just felt right lol

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🎸 He's a jackass to all his bandmates and any groupies that come around

🎸 Acts nice when he's performing for his fans but he's a terrible person behind closed doors

🎸 Doesn't take your relationship seriously

🎸 Even though y'all aren't in a serious relationship, he considers you his property

🎸 Gets mad when he sees you talking to other guys after he's told you not to

"I could've sworn I told you not to talk to him y/n! Do I have to fuck the disobedience outta you?"

🎸 Fucks you when he feels like it, threatens to sleep with other women if you get clingy

"Why are you always all up on me? Gimme some damn space!"

🎸 He's cheated on you before and he always brings it up during arguments

🎸 Even though he cheated he still comes running back to you because he doesn't want you to be with anyone else

"I'm sorry princess, you know it didn't mean anything. You're the only one I want, I swear."

🎸 Has a breeding kink and fills you up every time he fucks you, degrades you when he does it

"You like when I fill up your pretty pussy? You nasty little slut ♡"

🎸 He takes comfort in knowing you're all his, even if he doesn't give a fuck about you

🎸 Makes you give him head while his bandmates are around to establish that you're his

"You look so much prettier with my dick in your mouth ♡"

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Taglist

@arlerts-angel @i-literally-cant-with-this @trevengersprincess @giugiette @happy-trenchcoated-impala @rindousbabyg

[kinetic-chaos]

just a little guyy

[babybammargera]

Pov you’re the reckless weird girl of jackass

(yes I've done this before idc i love the idea)

Can and will sleep ANYWHERE.

I'm talking on set, in a restaurant booth, the floor of the crew van, honestly has taken a few airport floor naps too.

Always tired.

You probably hate driving.

Passenger/backseat goblin

Carries around a Polaroid camera.

Does a lot of sketchy stuff just for the fun of it.

Probably made out with a few of the boys during parties after a few too many drinks.

(Probably Raab but not Novak you aren’t that risky.)

You’ve also probably punched at least one of the guys for being a dick at the same parties.

You were subjected to several shopping cart related bits with the cky guys in the beginning.

Decorated in bruises scrapes and some questionably done tattoos.

Most of which probably aren’t from filming.

High pain tolerance.

Roommates with Steveo during the early days.

Eventually lived with Bam and Dunn.

^ They were 100% your childhood friends

And part of the reason you’re so wild. (And prob edgy

Ape and Phil love you (like more than they love Knox but don’t tell him)

You're also Loomis’s favorite too

Takes no shit.

Bullies Jeff especially when he won't let you do a stunt.

Somehow loses shoes pretty often.

Like a singular shoe just disappears, so you walk around with mismatched skate shoes.

Always have snacks on you and a lighter though.

DEHYDRATED bc you forget water exists until someone tells you to drink water.

Grungy style. Like bam but not as expensive if that makes sense.

Looks crusty but smells good.

(High chance it’s good cologne instead of perfume.)

[jackassbrainrot]

reader who’s kind of like pamela anderson😳? popular for being a bombshell and her style and also just happens to be one of the cuntiest members of jackass

a/n: I have to many thoughts to make it into a cohesive fic sorry but!! got about a million hcs for you! hope you like em! she is everything I want to be

bombshell jackass member!!

you met spike while you were working on a movie together

you became friends quickly and started hanging out outside of work

he told you about a new tv show he was working on, asking you if you'd like to be involved in a few skits

of course you said yes

as soon as you walk on set, all eyes are on you

everyone starts bombarding spike with questions

"what's she doing here?" "how'd you get her to agree to this?" "she's out of our budget!"

the initial shock is quickly replaced by their shock at how willing you are to try any stunt

tremaine loves how much footage he's getting out of you

"I think we have a new main star"

knoxville doesn't even get offended, just scared that you're going to die as you step on a skateboard. in heels. blindfolded.

you get absolutely destroyed the first time you try that

they all think they just killed the fucking movie star

but you get up, laughing your ass off

"I HAVE to try that again!"

the guys are both scared and kind of turned on by you

the media is even more scared and turned on

everyone being confused as to why an accomplished actress is running around pulling pranks on random people

soooo many headlines

being besties with stephanie !!

and hating that you became "the jackass girl" without her after her injury

doing gnarly tricks in full glam

being the best and worst role model for young girls

showing that you can be both feminine and badass but also influencing them to do dumb shit

always outshining the guys at premiers and parties

the guys being really protective of you whenever interviewers are being sexist

you still do other movies and shows but you always come back to your little band of idiots

they're like your guard dogs

who needs a bodyguard when you have a bunch of professional idiots that don't mind getting hurt around you all the time

[dia-smthidk]

teehee Jax comic thingy (low quality goin crazy)

btw that “other rabbit” was some sock puppet rabbit I saw on an X’d out door 🌞

[demigods-posts]

percabeth headcanons that live rent free in my head (disclaimer: they're adults in all of these, so most of these are a bit ✨ spicy ✨ so read with caution lol):

• percy loves watching annabeth workout. specifically, anything that has to do with her arms and back because of how muscular she is in those areas. seriously. you try to focus when your girlfriend puts her hair in a tight bun and grips onto the pull-up bar and lifts her weight off the ground and the veins in her biceps pulsate and the muscles in her upper back contract as the sweat beads down her body and—

• ^^^ annabeth knows he loves it, so she purposefully puts pulls up at the end of her set so percy can jog over to the training area after teaching sword fighting lessons and drool over her because she likes the hold she has on him

• annabeth is a unit. she is a warrior. she is the moment and nothing in the world can break her focus and shit, percy is shirtless. look, it's not a crime to stare at her muscular and incredibly hot boyfriend when he emerges from the camp lake dripping wet and shirtless and smiling at her and his shorts are just barely clinging onto his hips and—

• ^^^ percy knows she loves it. he's not an idiot. he doesn't will himself dry for the sole purpose of rendering his girlfriend speechless. he likes the hold he has on her

• percy is pretty, okay? he's a pretty boy, and annabeth calls him this all of the time whenever they're alone and percy just blushes and buries his head in her hair and annabeth adores it

• annabeth orders a skirt online because she wants to experiment with her style, except it's a little too big on her. percy jokingly offers to try it on for size and annabeth, newly intrigued at the thought, practically commands that he do just that. so he does and the moment is an awakening for the both of them

• percy ends up really liking how wearing skirts makes him feel so they buy more and more skirts for him to wear and annabeth is super supportive (and she also like seeing her boyfriend in skirts. sue her)

• annabeth once surprised percy in a tux for their anniversary dinner and holy fuck. straightened hair. eyeliner. rings on her fingers. all of it. she feels hot embracing a more masculine attire and percy couldn't agree more

• ^^ annabeth also got percy a bouquet of flowers on this date and he cherishes that bouquet like it's his most prized posession

• they have matching necklaces. annabeth wear a necklace that says 'seaweedbrain' and percy wears one that says 'wisegirl' and they never take them off

• this one is incredibly specific so don't @ me but one night on their honeymoon, annabeth gets a little more drunk than they anticipate and almost lights their marriage certificate on fire

• of course, percy fucking panics and dunks water all over her and the certificate because what the fuck, babe? we've only been married for a week. what could have possibly happened to make you regret marrying me this quickly?

• and hilariously enough, because annabeth was drunk, all she remembers is getting dunked with water for ✨ no reason ✨ so she likes to fuck with him and say that percy tried to murder her on their honeymoon

• "our honeymoon was pretty much perfect except for when you tried to drown me, asshole" "no the fuck i-!" "if you hate me, just say it." "annabeth-" "bitch." "annabeth-!"

[michelle-is-writing]

Forgotten Dinner, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.7k~

Warning: Little bit of angst, forgotten anniversary, sexual themes mentioned

The food in front of me made me sick to my stomach, seeing all of it just sit there without having been touched. A couple hours of putting it all together and setting it up seemed like a waste now as I haven’t even taken a bite of it since I put it on the table. I wanted to wait for Johnny to get home, but even though he had told me he’d be sure to be at home by 6, I still find myself alone as the clock on the stove turns from 10 to 11 pm. Today isn’t our marriage anniversary, but it is the anniversary of the day we met, so I wanted to surprise Johnny with dinner and a new lingerie set I got. It doesn’t help that he’s not answering the phone either, and I’m starting to feel like it all of this was a waste now.

Choosing to head to bed instead of wait up any longer, I put all of the food away in the fridge and lazily toss the dirty dishes in the sink before heading out of the kitchen. Just as I reach the hallway, the sound of keys in the door stop me, leaving me to turn toward the front door and watch Johnny walk in. He wears a laughing grin on his face until he sees me by the hallway, still dressed in the velvet dress I picked out for tonight. At the same time, my eyes catch the butterfly bandages stripped across his eyebrow and the several bandages wrapped around his forearm.

“Hi, baby,” he says, an almost awestruck look currently on his face as he takes in my appearance. He certainly looks pleasantly surprised. “You look… fucking fantastic, what are you all dressed up for?” Hearing his words make me smile, but I still feel a small bit of heart ache at the reminder of the food I made and how much planning I put into tonight.

“Um, nothing anymore,” I almost mutter, reaching hand up to mess with the clip in my hair as I look to the carpeted floors. “You told me you were going to be home at 6, what happened?” I can’t help but ask him, crossing my arms in front of me as I swallow down the nauseous feeling in my throat.

“Jeff asked me if I could help film another skit with the guys, so I stayed to help them and kind of hurt myself,” he tells me, still lingering by the front door as he continues looking me up and down with that same facial expression. However this changes in a few moments as an almost scared look takes over him. “I… I think I forgot something important, what did I forget? What is today?” He asks, now closing the door as he begins racking his brain. Before he gets too far, I stop him and simply inform him by reminding him of today’s date.

“It’s the day we met,” I bitterly remind him, watching the color drain from him. My stomach somehow churns even more seeing the guilt take over his face. “You told me you’d be home at six, but it’s eleven now. I made dinner, it’s in the fridge. I think I’m just going to… go take a shower and go to bed,” I say, shaking my head lightly.

Just as I begin to turn to head up to our room, Johnny stops me. “What? I just got home, don’t you want to stay up for a little?” He asks, stepping into the middle of the living room. “Baby I’m so sorry I completely forgot today, please, I’d love to spend time with you.”

In any other moment, I would’ve smiled at the sweet words leaving his lips, but knowing he forgot that today was the day we met and that we had plans makes the smile stay away. “I think I’ve stayed up long enough,” I say to him, turning my face down to the floor again. “Goodnight, Johnny.”

Before he says anymore, I head up the stairs and into our room where I close our door and let my tears fall. He stayed back for the guys on the one night we discussed him being home on time. If only he could’ve done this any other night, then the issue wouldn't be as severe. There have been many nights in the past where Johnny has stayed late on set, but even then, he texted me on those nights to tell me - unlike tonight when he wouldn’t respond to any of my texts or calls.

After locking our bedroom door, I walk into our bathroom and stand in front of the counter. Staring into the mirror, I watch as my mascara slowly rolls down my face, causing me to wipe it away with a tissue. I really liked my makeup and outfit tonight, and I was really looking forward to Johnny seeing me dressed up tonight and how he might react. Although, I was anticipating how he would react to what I have on underneath my dress more.

With a small sigh, I throw the tissue in my hand away before sliding the straps of my dress down with the rest of the material following it. Looking back into the mirror, I run my hands down my lace clad hips and up to the straps of the matching lacy bra. As I adjust the straps to better hold it’s contents, I step back to look at myself in our mirror and smile. At least I like the way I look tonight. The set came with a waist band that connects to the underwear and it only helps to accentuate my waist and hips even more. I was hoping Johnny would enjoy it too.

A loud crash beside me scares me away from the sink and over to the bathroom window that is now open as Johnny clambers through it, putting his upper body through before almost throwing his legs in behind him. At the same time he does this, his head hits the corner of our bathtub, causing a groan to leave his lips as he crumbles on the floor and I rush toward him. Despite my questions over his head, Johnny barely pays attention to his own pain as his focus shifts to my lingerie clad body. “You were wearing that? For me?” He asks, still lying in the floor unmoving as if he were awestruck. “Baby, holy shit, when did you get this set?”

“Johnny, that’s not important!” I exclaim as I get on my knees beside him to observe his head. He didn’t crack it open, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give himself yet another concussion. “You hit your head!”

“It’s not the first time, don’t worry please,” he reminds me, moving to sit up with a small smile. “I deserve it after making you wait for me all night dressed like this,” Johnny adds, looking me up and down with a sigh. “I’m so sorry, babe, after I got hurt, we sat around and iced all of our injuries. Not to mention, I broke my phone during the fall too,” he further explains, “I’m so, so sorry I forgot about tonight.”

After a few seconds, I sigh and brush the hair away from Johnny’s forehead where a goose egg is already forming. “I wouldn’t say you deserved to hit your head, specifically,” I tell him, “You’re not good at remembering dates, I know that; mostly because of the many times you have hit your head in the past,” My comment earns a guilty smile from Johnny as he turns to look away, knowing he can’t deny it. “But I do wish you would’ve been home earlier.”

“I should’ve been, and I am so sorry, baby,” he apologizes once more, closing his eyes before turning his head back to me. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I hate that I made you wait up, I hate that I’ve made you cry,” he adds, his eyes now open as he moves a hand up to brush against my previously tear stained face. “I’ll start being home by 6 every night, I’ll bring you flowers every week, I’ll let you tase me, whatever you want - please forgive me.”

His offers make me want to giggle, but I want to try and stay as serious as I can for right now. “I have a few ideas,” I tell him, taking his hands in mine before helping him stand up. He doesn’t wobble or anything, which is good; at least he doesn’t seem to have yet another brain injury to add to the long list of previous ones. For a few moments, Johnny looks me up and down like he did when he was on the floor, albeit this time, he doesn’t look so dopey. “Why don’t you start by helping me out of this?”

At my suggestion, he grins. “Of course, but babe,” Johnny starts, letting go of my hands to wrap one arm around my waist while he grabs my leg with his other hand. All the while, I brace myself on Johnny by holding onto his shoulders as he pulls me flush against him, my leg now curled around his hip with his arm keeping it secure there. “Tonight’s all about you, and I know it’s our anniversary but you deserve so much tonight,” he further tells me, sincerity deep in his voice. “I promise, I’ll try my hardest to make it up to you.”

After a few moments, I smile at Johnny. “I’ll hold you to that,” I tell him, earning a smile back from him. “I love you, Johnny, even when your bad memory gets the best of you,” I add, causing him to laugh before connecting our lips. At the same time, he takes his arm away from my waist to pick my other leg up and hold me, causing me to cling to him even more as he begins carrying me to our shared bed. Lying me down on it, Johnny breaks our kiss and pulls away to smile down at me.

“I love you too, baby,” he murmurs, staring at me with a hazed look in his eyes. That is, until a smirk makes its way onto his face. “Now, just relax,” Johnny tells me, his hands sliding underneath the lace of my bra as he perches himself between my legs. “And I’ll show you just how sorry I am.”

[thepeachyouhadtopick]

this is rly fucking dumb but i’m having such a bad mental health day please can someone write me a headcanon or just a message in my inbox about how Johnny would look after me while I’m like this lol I need the comfort of thinking abt him looking after me 😭😭😭😭

[johnnyknoxvilleswife]

Jackass's own it girl (she is a teensy bit of an alcoholic)

-

totally about to write a City Girl x Knoxville Fic

[lilithknoxville]

Could you perhaps do a Johnny angst with a happy ending? I don’t have anything particular in mind, just wanting to suffer 🫶🏻

Only You (Johnny Knoxville x Reader)

Summary: “Am I not enough for you anymore?” You threw your hands up in exasperation, “I mean - Jesus! You were practically undressing her with your eyes!” Your voice rose sharply, your chest feeling tight as you exploded on him.

“W-Wait a second!” Johnny’s voice rose, and he held up a shaking hand towards you, “Where are you even getting the idea that you’re ‘not enough for me’?” He asked, and you scoffed incredulously.

“When I watch my boyfriend eye fuck some blonde and look at her the exact same way he looks at me.”

Content Warnings: Mild Angst, Swearing, Insecurities

Word Count: 3,019

AN: aaaaaaaaah this was actually so much fun to write! I don’t know if this exactly the angst you were looking for, I do have another one I was writing with this ask, but I don’t know if I’m as confident in it as I am this one. As usual, no beta reader, we die like men. Requests are still open! Onto the story! ✨

You grit your teeth, the sound of the interviewer’s laughter almost like an ice pick through your skull. A sour expression was on your face as you tried to tune her out, but when your boyfriend purred another compliment to her, you hit your breaking point. It was no secret that Johnny was a natural flirt - Hell, most of the time, he did it unintentionally - but with how many compliments he had thrown at her, it was starting to feel like it wasn’t unintentional anymore. You had enough.

You turned on your heel, tears stinging your eyes. You all but ran to the exit door, slamming it open with your hands. You could hear a small commotion inside, the blonde’s voice asking if everything was okay, and something unintelligible from Johnny. You stepped outside into the hot June air of Los Angeles, your breath catching in your throat. You ran your hand up from your forehead into your hair, trying to clear your thoughts.

Your hands fumbled around in your Johnny’s flannel, trying to find the cigarette pack you had hastily grabbed this morning. You pulled out the pack, the lighter placed inside, and sparked up a cigarette. You took a long drag, trying to use the stale taste of the tobacco to calm your nerves.

It was a silent ten minutes, the sound of the city surrounding you, before you heard the door open behind you. You didn’t turn around, already on your fourth cigarette. You took a long drag, looking down at the parking lot in front of you, where the past three cigarette butts were scattered on the ground.

“Don’t you know those things give you cancer?” You heard the southern drawl of your boyfriend’s accent, and usually the sound of it would make you smile. You grit your teeth, closing your eyes.

“I’m aware.” You spoke simply, your tone cold and emotionless. The air between the two of you chilled, and you felt him come up behind you. He wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder.

“You’re mad.” He commented, his tone amused, but when you turned your head to meet his eyes, he quickly realized that it was much more than a simple anger.

“And you’re Einstein.” You spat, pulling out of his hands. He reached out for you, but you held up a hand, stopping him, “Not right now.” You heaved out a sigh, running a hand through your hair.

“Doll, is this because of that interview?” He asked, confusion crossing his features, “I mean, I know I was laying on the charm thick, but I didn’t thi-”

“Laying on the charm thick?!” Your voice rose sharply, cutting him off. He blinked, looking taken aback by your sudden interruption, “Holy shit, if you call what you did in there ‘Laying on the charm thick’, then I’d fucking hate to see what you actually flirting looks like!”

“H-Hey, now wait a minute.” Johnny held up a finger, his voice stuttering for a moment, “Doll, I can explain.”

“Oh!” You laughed humorlessly, crossing your arms over your chest, “You can explain? Let me guess, it’s also ‘Not what it looks like’?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. The look on his face told you that was his next set of words, “Because I’ll tell you what it looked like, PJ. It looked like you shamelessly flirting, while your girlfriend was standing less than a fucking foot away!” You spat, your hands coming to your head in frustration.

“O-Okay, you’ve got me there. I can see how it came across like that.” He grimaced, and you laughed humorlessly again.

“Am I not enough for you anymore?” You threw your hands up in exasperation, “I mean - Jesus! You were practically undressing her with your eyes!” Your voice rose sharply, your chest feeling tight as you exploded on him.

“W-Wait a second!” Johnny’s voice rose, and he held up a shaking hand towards you, “Where are you even getting the idea that you’re ‘not enough for me’?” He asked, and you scoffed incredulously.

“When I watch my boyfriend eye fuck some blonde and look at her the exact same way he looks at me.” You crossed your arms across your chest, wrapping them around you almost in protection. The sound of the cars honking on the street was making your emotions run even higher, and you shook your head.

“We will talk more about this later.” You held up a finger to silence him when he protested, “You’ve got more interviews to get through. I’m going home.” You dug the keys to your car out of your flannel pocket.

“Hon…” Johnny started, but you shook your head, meeting his eyes.

“I can’t sit here and watch the love of my fucking life flirt with other women like I don’t exist to him.” You admitted, your voice hollow, “I’ll see you at home.” And with that, you were stalking off across the parking lot to your car. You unlocked the doors, casting a glance over at Johnny, who hadn’t moved an inch. He was watching you with guilty eyes, and you tore your gaze away from him, getting into your car.

The drive home was silent, a pop song playing on the radio softly, but it was all background noise compared to the whirlwind in your brain. Your emotions were a jumbled mess of insecurities rearing their ugly head, deep sadness, and pure rage.

You made it home quickly, and you parked your car, sighing heavily. You let yourself in the front door, shutting the door behind you. You thought you would have a moment to yourself, but the piercing blue of Bam’s eyes caught you off guard. You crossed your arms, looking at the brunet who was currently laid across your couch.

“Do I even want to know why you’re here? Or how you got in?” You asked, leaning against the back of the couch, looking down at your friend.

“Johnny called me. Told me to be here before you got home.” Bam answered simply, sitting up on the couch and patting the space next to him, “Said you needed someone to scream at, and you know I’m your man for that. And you don’t want to know how I got in.”

“I’m not gonna scream at you, fuck.” You sighed, coming around the couch and flopping down next to Bam. You rested your head against the back of the couch, closing your eyes, “I shouldn’t even be as upset as I am. I know that rationally, but-”

“Seeing another girl smile at Johnny the same way you do sets your blood on fire?” Bam finished your sentence, and you looked over at him with depressed eyes.

“Yeah.” You answered slowly, the depression deepening on your face as you unpacked your emotions, “I know Johnny is an attractive man. I’d be stupid to think that there aren’t women who look at him and want him with every breath they take. But seeing Johnny playing into their fantasies - albeit with his words and not physically - just doesn’t sit right with me. I watched him look at that girl the same way he looks at me in bed.” You spoke softly, your eyes slipping closed again as you heaved out a sigh.

“I’m not going to sit here and say your brain is stupid for thinking like that.” Bam started, his finger idly spinning one of his rings around his finger, “But I’m gonna tell you that Knox isn’t one to fuck around on the one he loves.” You opened your eyes, looking over at him with a soft, confused look. Bam shifted uncomfortably, having to play therapist being something he wasn’t used to.

“Look, he was with this one chick for years.” Bam shifted on the couch to where he was facing you, throwing one of his arms over the back of the couch, “Her name was Brittany. He started dating her when we first started Jackass, and he was completely devoted to her. Anything she wanted, she got. If she even hinted at wanting something, he was immediately buying it for her. Every single second of his day was spent on her, and she took fucking advantage of that.” He swallowed, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“She was fucking around on him, behind his back. Everyone knew it. Hell, I think even he knew it, but he was too scared to be alone. She was all he had ever known, so he suffered through it. Multiple opportunities were opened to him during that to fuck around on her, but he never took it. He always said that two wrongs don’t make a right, so he wasn’t going to do unto her the same pain when he hated what was happening to him.” Bam explained, and it felt like your breath was stolen from your lungs, “So, I completely get having insecurities, but trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about for Johnny fucking around on you or randomly leaving you. He’s a people pleaser, yes, but all you have to do is talk to him and that comes to a complete stop.” Bam gave you a lopsided smile, “We all see how happy he is with you. He’s made a complete 180 turn from the broken dude he used to be, and - Fuck - you treat him like he’s made of gold. You two are made for each other, through and through.”

“Bam…” You pressed your lips together in a thin line, your mind racing, “I was a fucking bitch to him before I left set.” Your voice was quiet, and Bam let out a small chuckle.

“Sweetheart, I can assure you, you weren’t a bitch to him. You were dealin’ with some weird emotions, and if you can explain that to him, there isn’t gonna be any bad blood between you two. Knox is a good ass dude. He completely gets having insecurities, but he’s not a mind reader.” He looked at you pointedly, and you cringed slightly.

“And it’s not fair to expect him to know what’s going on in my mind if I don’t say anything.” Your voice was small, the weight of everything hitting you all at once.

“Atta girl.” Bam snapped his fingers, “You have to talk to him about how you’re feeling. He can’t just magically know what’s going on in your head without you talking to him about what you’re feeling.” He gave you another lopsided smile, and you let out a heavy sigh.

“I appreciate you, Bam.” You gave him a soft smile, looking over at him. He shrugged nonchalantly, opening his arms for a hug. You chuckled gently, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him. Your mouth pressed against his shoulder, “I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.” You murmured into the fabric of his jacket.

“You wouldn’t have a kickass friend who pulls your head out of your ass and gives you damn good advice.” Bam joked, a lighthearted smile on his lips, and you let out a soft laugh as well.

It was a couple of hours later when Johnny finally came home, the smell of dinner cooking making his stomach grumble. Bam had been long gone by then, having sent Johnny a text that you were okay now. Johnny had tried to send you a couple of texts, but Bam advised against it, telling Johnny to give you space right now so you could sort through all of your emotions.

The sound of your gentle singing made Johnny’s heart clench in his chest, and he sighed softly. He closed the front door gently behind him, kicking off his shoes and placing them in the small shoe rack you had bought a couple of months ago. In his hand was a bouquet of flowers, a small piece of his long winded apology. He walked through the living room and made his way into the kitchen, his heart hammering in his throat. When he turned the corner into the kitchen, you were standing in front of the stove, stirring a pot with potatoes in it. You turned your head towards him, and he thrust the flowers out to you.

“Doll, I cannot apologize enough.” He started, his voice strained. You gently took the flowers from his hands, your breathing catching in your throat, “I just-”

“Baby.” You cut him off, blinking up towards the ceiling, trying to push back the tears that threatened to stream down your cheeks. You looked back at him, tears hanging heavy on your lashline, “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I promise you.”

“I do though.” He protested, swallowing thickly. You turned from him, gently placing the flowers on the counter as you turned down the burner that the pot was sitting on. You turned back towards him, “I’m always so obsessed with this stupid ‘bad boy, flirty southern’ image that I don’t stop to think about how it affects the woman I’m in love with.”

“You can’t beat yourself up too much, PJ.” You shook your head, your tongue darting out to wet your lips, “I got upset and angry with you, when I’ve never explained to you my own emotions. You’re not a mindreader, and it’s not fair of me to expect you to be one.” Johnny blinked in confusion, and you crossed your arms tightly in front of you, avoiding his eyes for a moment, “I know there are much prettier women out there than me. I’d be an idiot and completely vain to think I was the most drop dead gorgeous woman out there.” You swallowed thickly, meeting Johnny’s eyes, “It’s naive of me to think that no one in the world flirts with you - You’re extremely attractive. And it’s not fair of me to get upset with you when women flirt with you. But I can’t help but get upset whenever you flirt with them right back.”

“Doll…” Johnny whispered, but you held up a finger, cutting him off again.

“Please let me finish.” You looked at him, and he nodded, “I am so goddamned terrified that some wind is going to blow wrong and steal you away from me. I am so scared that some pretty blonde is going to waltz into your life and make you realize you don’t love me as much as you thought you did. I am beyond terrified that you’re going to wake up one day, look over at me, and ask yourself ‘Do I really like her as much as I originally thought?’.” Your voice broke with the threat of tears, and your breath was shaky in your chest, “I know nothing is guaranteed, but the idea of not waking up beside you is one that makes me so scared each and every single day. The idea of you just leaving me randomly one day is something that rattles around in my head like a fucking pinball, and it haunts my mind every single second of my life.” You ran your fingers through your hair, sighing heavily.

Johnny was silent for a moment, before he crossed the kitchen to you, wrapping his arms around your neck. His hand came to your hair, gently holding your head against his chest. He rested his chin on top of your head, before moving his head to where his lips were pressed against your hair. You gasped softly, clutching onto Johnny tightly.

“My babydoll…” He whispered into your hair, pulling back and looking into your eyes, “No one in this world will ever compare to you. No single person walking this earth right now, or that will walk on this earth in the future, will ever be able to replace you. If I lost you due to my own stupid mistakes, I would never be able to forgive myself.” His eyes were filled with genuine love and sincerity, and the sight made your eyes well up with tears again, “I promise you, there will never be a day that I wake up and question my love for you. There will never be a day where I will even entertain someone’s idea of being on my arm, because that’s where I want to keep you for the rest of our lives. I want to marry you, sweetheart. I want to watch our kids running around in the backyard, I want to grow old with you.”

“PJ…” You whispered, but he pulled you into a breathless kiss, his hand cradling the back of your head. Your hands ghosted over his wrists as he poured every single ounce of love he felt for you into the bruising kiss. After a few seconds, he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

“I cannot apologize to you enough, doll. Please forgive me.” He whispered, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Always, PJ.” You whispered back, closing your eyes, “I love you so fucking much.” You smiled up at him, and he let out a breathless chuckle.

“Oh, doll. I love you so much more.” He pressed kiss after kiss to your forehead, making you giggle, “There’s that laugh.” He murmured against your skin, a smile crossing his lips.

“C’mon, you gotta let me finish cooking.” You whined, giggling again as he pulled you harder against him, a deep grumble of protest echoed out of his chest, “I know you haven’t eaten all day, and I don’t want you to waste away to nothing.” You teased.

“Fine, fine.” He relented finally, letting you out of his arms, “Only because you said my favourite word.” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, smiling wistfully.

“What, cooking?” You stuck your tongue out at him, which made him laugh brightly. As you looked over at him, warmth and love bloomed in your chest. His words of ‘No one in this world will ever compare to you’ echoed through your mind and was a soothing, healing balm to your soul. You had a feeling that everything would be okay, as long as you two were by each other’s sides.

[johnny-coxville]

How about a really cute johnny and female reader (she's johnnys girlfriend but she doesn't do any of the stunts) fic where they're playing with the Super Mighty Glue for the third film and one of the other guys sticks the reader and Johnny together and he's really cute with it and finds it hilarious?

Figured I might as well mix the two aspects of the asks ;P

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Johnny x fem!reader fluff

♡

Too Close!

The glue that rested inside the wooden drawer was saved for a rainy day. That day. Was today. Johnny opened the blinds in the bedroom, squinting at the bright sunlight. The rain beat down on the window, giving cool air through the cracks.

He turned his head to you, where you slept softly. He made his way back over to the bed and sat down. Scratching your head, and brushing the hair out of your face. You slowly woke up, greeted by a soft kiss from Johnny. You smiled and kissed his lips. Laying your head back down on the pillow. You stretched your arms and yawned.

“Time to get up sweetheart, heading to Bam’s. It’s raining so you’re being dragged along to watch a stunt. I swear it’s harmless.” He said rubbing your shoulder. You sighed. “Alright. But if you get hurt I’m not driving you to the hospital this time.” You muttered. Of course, this was a bluff you always got so scared when he’d do such a dangerous stunt.

You two got up and dressed. Johnny slipped into his blue and white long-sleeve. Looping the belt through his black jeans. Tying his signature skull and crutches Converse. You took one of his flannels, sporting a black t-shirt underneath. Leaving it unbuttoned. You never bothered putting on a raincoat.

Finishing with your shoes, he slipped his jacket on. Grabbing the hotel keycard and sliding it into his jacket pocket. Passing you the car keys, you both headed into the heavy rain. Driving through PA wasn’t your favorite thing, but at least it wasn’t California traffic.

Johnny chatted the entire way there. Finally pulling into Bam’s driveway, multiple cars had already been pulled up. You were honestly nervous. You really weren’t interested in whatever house-destroying antics they were going to get up to.

Johnny reassured you, their plans wouldn’t be putting themselves in danger. You simply rolled your eyes and got prepared to run through the rain. Entering Bam’s parents, you shook yourself dry. Being greeted by April as usual.

She led you to the kitchen where the entire gang sat. You knew this would be trouble. All sitting at the table, like rowdy little children. They greeted you and Johnny. Sat on the table were a few containers of super glue. You looked at it unsure, looking over to Johnny.

Kosick stood leaning against the kitchen counter, camera mounted on his arm. Along with a few of the other film crew, just relaxing, waiting for the action to start. You were giving quite an unsure look. What were they going to do? Glue their lips to each other's assholes? See how far they could run with glue stuck to their feet? It had to have been something extremely outlandish.

¨Don’t look too excited for this Cons.” Dave giggled. You smiled. He always called you Cons because he could never remember your actual name. Converse were the only shoes you and Johnny ever wore, so the name stuck. “Not really. I mean. It’s probably a lot better than most of the things you’ve done.” You said pulling a chair at the table.

Bam took the initiative and stood at the foot of the table. “I say Johnny and Cons do something together! She’s never in our stunts. There’s no way we could hurt her with some super glue.” Bam said pointing at you. April facepalmed. She loved you dearly, and always talked you out of a stunt, no matter how small and stupid it was.

You nodded your head. “What are your plans.” You said caving. What’s the worse that could happen? “Alright, so you’re going to want to take your shirt o-” Before Bam could even finish Johnny cut him off with a flat no. Tremaine in the corner gave a suggestion. “Wee-man and Preston first. Just to see how it works out.” He said pointing to the two guys who uncomfortably shuffled. Sighing Preston got out of his seat.

Wee-man follows behind and stands with his arms folded. Never really fond of actually having to do a stunt. “Shirt off. Both of you” Tremaine said stepping closer with his smaller camera equipment. “Fucking seriously?” Preston scoffed.

He discarded his shirt, annoyed, and stood waiting for the next move. Wee-man reluctantly removed his shirt and stood face-palming. “Wait wait wait, I wanna do the glue!” You shouted. Tremaine shrugged his shoulders. “Works with me.” He said giving the go for filming. Everyone began to shuffle into place. Getting out of their chairs. The camera began to roll.

“Hello, I’m Johnny Knoxville! And this isss Super Mighty Glue!” He said reading the name off the glue bottle. You stood with an excited smile. “Here we have two very willing and lovely participants.” He said presenting Preston and Wee-man, with incredibly annoyed faces. You snickered taking over the bit.

“Alright, Preston you’re on the bottom, and wee-man you’re on top.” You said helping Preston slide onto the counter. The guys were already hysterical. Once Preston was on the table, you lathered his stomach full of glue. It smelled awful but surely felt even more often to feel on the skin. Wee-man was assisted onto the table, Bam shoving him backward while he was trying to balance.

“Bam!” April screamed, hitting him in the shoulder. Wee-man’s ass now glued to Preston's stomach. “Hold on! Hold on! I got this.” Johnny said pulling out a stun gun. Before he could even take a few steps Wee-man started to scream and fight, painfully ripping himself off of Preston's stomach. Preston screamed in pain pushing himself off the table. Both men jumping around and screaming.

“Someone fucking lather up Knoxville. This shit hurts!” Wee-man screamed out. Johnny wanting to prove some kind of point, maybe that he was tough, laid on the table, pulling his shirt off. “Lather me up, baby!” He said rubbing his hands together.

You squeezed two different bottles of glue onto his chest, cringing at the glue glopping and running down him. You crossed around the counter cautiously not to be stuck to Johnny in some stupid way. Just as you were ready to put the glue down, Dunn hauled you up by your shirt. You couldn’t fight his grip, being picked up like some kind of toddler by their onesie. He pressed you directly against Johnny’s bare sticky body. Johnny found this hysterical, you definitely did not.

“No fucking way! Get me off of him!” You shout. Everyone laughing except April. Johnny was nearly in tears by this point laughing, carefully trying to slide off the table. Every time you tried to pull yourself off of him, he’d squeal in pain. Your t-shirt was basically infused into his skin. Your flannel awkwardly stuck to the sides of his body where glue had seeped down.

Aww’s and laughter were spread throughout the room. You rested an angry face on his shoulder as he held you against his chest. “She’s reaallyyy stuck to me, man!” Johnny said showing you off to the camera. Flopping his body around trying to detach you. “Definitely going to have to cut her off of me..” Johnny said scratching his head. Glue stuck to his fingers getting caught up in his hair.

Looking into the camera he cringed. Ripping his fingers out of his hair, he pulled hair straight from his scalp. “Yep. I’m done! Can someone just. Set my shirt on top of her hand so she can change..” Knoxville asked.

April let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve got it.” She said leaving the kitchen. Coming back with one of her t-shirts for you to wear. You kept trying to kick at his knees, nearly having Johnny buckle over a few times. Giggling each time you made a poor attempt. “I’m going to glue your beard to someone’s pubes Dunn. I fucking swear on it.” You said as April wrapped the shirt around your neck for you to use shortly.

He giggled in the corner shaking his head. Johnny carried you around the house, holding you close. You felt like a baby strapped to his dad’s chest. Once you were nearly in the bathroom you could hear the other guys hollering. Assuming one of them had continued the bit.

He closed the bathroom door and shuffled himself to the counter to grab the scissors. You let out a heavy sigh. He giggled to himself, making eye contact from time to time. “I swear I could kill him PJ” You said pulling yourself slightly back to let him cut through the fabric. Thankfully these weren’t “good clothes”. You’d be fuming.

Once he had gotten the shirt undone, he just tore the flannel off. You finally were let go, sitting on the bathroom counter. You stared at his now extremely patchy chest, covered almost entirely in your shirt. You shrugged, sliding your new shirt on.

“Pugs! Not Drugs!” Johnny read your shirt. “That’s fucking great.” He sighed trying to relax his laughter. April always provided the best shirts. Another one to the collection. Once you had managed to clean the shirt pieces off Johnny, you both walked out to the kitchen. Dunn’s beard glued completely to the side of Bam’s face.

Idiots.

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[heretherebedork]

Well now that Wandee Goodday is over, we can headcanon! I'm gonna headcanon and Ter and Taem didn't work out, because every single time he got in Yak's field of vision, Yak punched him in the face.

A+ headcanon.