#jack looking fucked would do a lot not just for him but FOR KATH and her stakes becoming personal-er. augh. just SAYING!

[jack-kellys]

I gotta be honest, the Jatherine subplot is probably my least favorite part of the show (until west endsies, I really love what michael and bronté did), so 🎤

give me a piece of the show u take issue with and i'll whip up a solution, director-style!

mmh yeah fair enough. they also rly sold it for me, but im gonna put them aside for a bit and just look at what we're given.

i think that maybe not notably but importantly, in watch what happens it's actually sort of explicit that kath does NOT like jack as a person, but literally. as a face. they meet and all she sees is an attractive boy in the street, (and i think it'd be cute if jack stares after her long enough for him to almost miss his "you struck out!" cue...) and he promptly bugs her until she sees who he rly is. legit all their content until wwh(r) is argumentative annoyances. we know that jack's much than that–maybe even the opposite of that–right off the bat with the prolue w/ crutchie.

so i think the genuine key to jatherine is where and when you stage miss girl katherine, when she's not speaking directly to jack.

sneaking her into moments where the real jack is seen. have her see him pick a kid up off the ground a few measures before "can I interest you in the latest news". have her be on her way to medda's show upstage when he's tugging the jacobs in front of him while running from snyder. have her watch more of the scene in jacobi's before she enters and see the pride these boys share in one another. uksies also did a great job at this tbf, but enforcing kath as the observer that denton was in 92sies would serve her so well.

because i think for katherine, which's different than davey imo, she cares first about the movement and learns to care about jack. she learns a lot about attraction because of jack, she thought she "knew what love was" or whatever, but there's something about him that changes her whole view, and i think it's learning that he is caring, sentimental, and afraid- and alone, even if he isn't actually. it's about finding the moments where kath also gets to express it back that is key, bc we already Know that abt jack as an audience- it's kath who's new to it.

give me an ACTUAL "you look like hell" moment. let her rush over to him despite herself, be surprised at her own action, nearly take his face into her hands before she notices how stiff and guarded he is right then. her feelings for him are a surpise, they "snuck up" on her, right, so finding THE moment where she understands that she has them? key. idt we ever rly get that enough so where it stands out.........especially bc davey exists and has multiple moments of this LMFAO.

jack being attracted to katherine is morrrre obvious i think, he has the i never planned on you thing, it's very clear he's making an effort to get her to stay longer or get to know her. kath is hesitant, and THAT'S very interesting, actually– but only if you do something about it.

[livesincerely]

Jack’s hauling all six feet of Davey’s deadweight back to his car, trying to shove his lanky, drunken, noodle limbs into the passenger seat—Jesus Christ, he really is all leg, ain’t he?—when Davey kisses him.

Jack freezes. Goes perfectly still, frozen in place, as panic pierces his chest like a shot to the heart.

Because Davey is drunk, drunker than drunk, really, his mouth warm and soft and a little sloppy against his own. He tastes like salt and tequila and that last round of fireball shots Racetrack ordered for the table, tastes like everything Jack’s ever wanted and nothing he’s allowed to have.

Davey makes soft, unhappy noise in the back of his throat, then loops clumsy arms around Jack’s neck and tugs him closer: stubborn, insistent, and drunk, so fucking drunk, because Jack knows better than to think he’d ever do this sober.

But he smells so good—like coconut conditioner and the fancy fabric softener he insists on and Davey—and he fits so perfectly in Jack’s arms and he’s kissing Jack like he wants him. Right here in the parking lot, half in and half out of the passenger seat of Jack’s car, with nothing but the buzzing street lamps overhead to notice Jack’s heart cracking into tiny little pieces.

Davey sighs against his lips, his fingers curling gently around the nape of his neck, and Jack knows.

Knows he shouldn’t. Knows it’s a mistake. Knows that Davey—clever, gorgeous, wonderful Davey—won’t remember this in the morning, and Jack will never, not ever forget.

But he’s only human. He’s just a man, hopelessly in love with his best friend.

And for just a moment, he kisses him back.

00000

Jack forces himself to pull away. Davey looks up at him with big, blue pleading eyes, his mouth wet and red and perfect, his cheeks pink from the rasp of Jack’s stubble.

“Why’d you stop?” Davey mumbles, a swirly curl of hair falling over his forehead. Jack’s heart skips in his chest. “You don’t want to kiss me?”

“Dave, I—“ What can he say? What can he possibly say?

He needs to apologize, needs to beg for forgiveness because Davey might be drunk off his ass but Jack absolutely is not, had a half a beer and a single shot, so there’s no excuse to fall back on. There’s no excuse for this.

Davey pats him on the shoulder with all the coordination of a wet mop head.

“‘S okay,” he says. “I don’t want to kiss you either.”

Jack’s pretty sure a baseball bat to the back of the head would hurt less.

He wants to stumble away as quickly as he can, wants to see if Kath and Sarah are still out front waiting for their Uber and if they’d take Davey home instead if he asked really, really nicely and walked away before they could ask him any questions.

Instead he sucks in a steadying breath. Carefully reaches around Davey to buckle in his seatbelt.

“There’s this guy,” Davey says, hushed like he’s sharing a secret. “I wanna kiss him all— all the time. He’s handsome and funny and way smarter than he gives himself credit for and— and he’s just the best, you know?”

Jack does not know. Jack would rather be force-fed his own liver than know any of this.

He starts manually lifting Davey’s legs into the footwells. Tucks his feet in so they don’t block the car door.

“His name’s Jack.”

Jack stops. Wonders, for just a second, if maybe someone did hit him over the head, actually, because—

Because the last ten minutes have been a fucking rollercoaster and he might have the world’s first genuine case of emotional whiplash, but—

His name is Jack.

His name is Jack, right?

[thefactsofthematter]

No clue if this has already been brought up, but with the winter olympics coming up I've been thinking about your olympic au for the summer olympics (stellar piece of writing btw) and I was wondering if you have any thoughts about what sports the newsies would do if they competed in winter? Personally I think Katherine would do that skiing/shooting thing I forget the name of just because she has that "don't fuck with me or I will shoot you" vibe, and Jack would be a snowboarder like that guy last olympics who woke up late, forgot his coat, competed with a hangover, and then cursed on national tv, but I'm not sure about the others.

omg what a concept!! your sport choices for jack and kath are SO perfect - kath would 100% kill a biathlon, and jack as the worlds chillest snowboarder is iconic. here’s a few of my thoughts on other character’s sports!! i could see a few different things for each of them, but if i were to try to write a winter version of my fic, here’s what i’d probably go with!!

(speaking of which, in the comments of my fic someone said they were thinking of doing a winter olympics fic!! i’d absolutely love that!!)

davey: ok. hear me out… hockey. does davey jacobs’ personality strike me as a hockey bro? not exactly, but i do love the thought of him doing an insanely physically difficult sport that no one would expect from him, and being his totally different, slightly nerdy self off the ice. (i also have a major weakness for hockey players lol) but also!! this would make for a fun little thing of javid being insanely good at their own sports but terrible at the other’s - jack can’t balance at all on skates, and davey is terrified of going up the mountain let alone sliding down it

race: speed skating!! i mean, the nickname is part of this of course, but also the way i picture race (tall, long limbs, lanky as hell) would be really well suited to the sport. he loves going fast, he loves how intense it is, and he thinks he looks great in a spandex racing suit

crutchie: para-snowboarding! he’s either jack’s brother, or his best friend from his snowboarding club, and they love to hit the slopes together when they’ve got the free time for it <3

spot: he pilots a four-man bobsled with some brooklyn newsies - for team canada ofc ;) he might be short, but he packs on a lot of muscle to his little frame to be heavy enough for a sport largely controlled by gravity!

other thoughts: romeo is a figure skater; albert and buttons and maybe finch would be on davey’s hockey team; and hell maybe sarah is there for like. skiing or something!! also i want someone to be there for curling but idk who lol

[violetwolfraven]

Modern!Wormsies Headcanons because I’m terrified wormsies is going to die before 2021 gets here

Tw for mild horror. I don’t think this is that bad but read at your own risk. I don’t l know why I created it I just felt compelled to but don’t read it unless you’re as insane as I am and are fully prepared to read the most cursed thing I have ever created. Seriously. This is by far the most cursed thing I have ever written. Good luck. 💜

So anyway they’re not selling to survive obviously since it’s modern au.

In my modern au they’re all theatre nerds cause why not.

So they’re backstage one day and Race finds this blue thing behind an old set that has probably been there for several years.

Lo and behold, it is a worm on a string.

And Race is kinda weirded out and wondering who left it there but he’s like aight guess I’m keeping this thing.

He ties it to a strap on his backpack and forgets about it for the rest of rehearsal.

Then Romeo (one of Race’s 3 adoptive brothers, the others being Jack and Crutchie) notices it and f l i p s o u t.

Romeo drags over Specs and Jack and Crutchie to show them the worm Race found and they’re all like omg this is the best thing we’ve ever seen.

Race is still kinda confused but like hey whatever this might as well happen and he just figures if his brothers and his little brother’s boyfriend are gonna obsess over worms, why not join in?

They all get worms somehow. Romeo gets a green one, Specs gets a purple one, Jack gets a dark blue one, and Crutchie gets a yellow one.

When they all show up to rehearsal a few days later with worms, a few others pick up on it and are like lmao let’s join in on the insanity.

So anyway Albert gets a red one, Smalls gets a green one, Mike gets a purple one, Ike gets a yellow one cause it’s the opposite of purple, and Elmer gets a green one.

All the others are all kinda just whatever do what you want don’t involve us in your insanity.

BUT THEN

Over the course of the next couple weeks, only a couple more people join in on getting worms.

Sniper gets a purple one and Finch gets an orange one.

But what’s strange is that everybody starts noticing...

The kids with worms pick up choreography...

Faster and Better...

Than the kids without worms...

They’re stretchier and more agile...

...almost like..?

Almost like...

They...

don’t...

have...

spines..?

They wiggle just like their worms wiggle wiggle wiggle.

And Specs is the most logical of the ones with worms but even he fully believes his worm gives him special powers.

They spend their snack breaks talking about this and a few more people decide to get in on it.

Jojo gets a yellow one, Mush gets a dark blue one, and Blink gets a light blue one.

Davey, Spot, and Katherine still refuse to believe in this.

Sarah got a pink worm and they were all terribly disappointed in her.

But anyway they hold out their lack of belief despite how the kids with worms continue to perform better in dance numbers than the few left without.

Kenny caves and gets a dark blue one somewhere in here.

There are now a lot more kids with worms than kids without and the holidays are rolling around.

Ike gets Hotshot a red worm and Hotshot in turn gets red worms for all his crowd on the stage crew (Bart, Rafaela, Joey, Hildy, York, and Vince).

Hell, even the crew kids perform better with worms, it turns out.

Cause they can run fast to get places they need to be and squeeze through spaces they shouldn’t be able to squeeze through.

But anyway Katherine and Davey and Spot are starting to get a little creeped out.

Cause their friends and partners are starting to act more and more like they’re in a cult, even more than the cult that they’re already in (the drama club).

They pretend their worms have fucking personalities and make tiny hats for them and stuff.

And the ones left without worms are dropping like flies and getting assimilated to the other side.

Buttons gets a light blue one, Tommy Boy gets a pink one, Henry gets an orange one, and

And Sarah gets Les a green worm.

That’s kinda the last straw for Davey.

He fucking waits until his siblings are asleep and he throws their worms in the trash.

But mysteriously

They both have their worms back in time for rehearsal.

And Davey gets home that night and there’s a light blue worm waiting on his pillow.

He throws it away but it’s tied to his backpack strap the next day.

He flushes it down the toilet and it shows up in his favorite hoodie pocket.

He tells Katherine and Spot, super freaked out, but they don’t really believe him cause there’s no such thing as magic worms... right?

Then Katherine finds a purple worm on the seat she usually sits in during breaks.

She’s moderately creeped out so she leaves it there and goes to a different seat but the next break the worm is on that seat.

She can’t remember seeing anyone move it.

Meanwhile Spot is making out with Race behind a curtain (obviously) and Race

Race fucking pulls a red worm out of his sleeve like a scarf trick and gives it to him.

Spot is super weirded out by this and wants to just throw the dumb thing away the minute he and Race are done making out, but he just...

He can’t.

He can’t get rid of the worm, so he ties it to his backpack.

Katherine and Davey are mildly horrified that Spot has given in and won’t give up his worm even though you’re encouraging their cult-like behavior, Spot, come on.

Spot insists that he could throw away his worm if he wanted to, he just... doesn’t want to. And besides, he can keep up with the others on theatre stuff now, so why would he?

So Kath and Davey are

The

Last

Ones

Left

Without worms.

Davey’s worm is still following him around but he refuses to give in and he always gets rid of it as soon as he finds it but it always pops up again.

Katherine’s shows up less frequently, but it starts getting more and more frequent and she starts getting more and more freaked out as one night, she goes into her room and that fucking purple worm is on her pillow.

None of her friends have been to her house in the last 24 hours so this development is fucking terrifying.

She calls Davey and flips out on the phone to him about it and he’s trying to calm her down but Sarah ends up stealing his phone after a few minutes because she’s my girlfriend, Davey, not yours.

When Davey gets the phone back, Katherine is significantly calmer. He asks her if she threw the worm away.

She

Didn’t

Throw the worm away.

She claims it’s fine, that they might as well give in, Davey, we’re the last ones left without worms, just out of stubbornness. And anyway our friends with worms are doing fine; look at your siblings if you need proof.

Sarah and Les are having a tea party with their worms and Davey is getting pretty scared at this point.

He’s the last one left without a worm, though that blue one still always seems to show up wherever he is.

Until

Opening night

Of

Their

Show

Afterwards everybody’s pumped up and ready to go to Applebee’s to celebrate and Davey is relieved because no one has mentioned worms in the last 24 hours or even really looked at the ones still tied to their backpacks.

He thinks maybe the others got bored with it and this thing is finally dying, especially since that damn light blue worm hasn’t showed up today either.

But then Davey is just sharing a nice coffee alone with Jack backstage (which he hasn’t done since the worm thing started because honestly his boyfriend was creeping him out).

Jack suddenly starts crying, and Davey’s all like hey what is it? Babe look at me what’s wrong?

And Jack just goes I’m sorry love I know it hurts now but it’s better in the long run trust me.

That’s when Elmer, Specs, Sarah, and Mush burst in behind them and grab Davey, shoving a bag over his head and dragging him somewhere.

When the bag is taken off of Davey’s head, he’s tied to a chair in the middle of a choir room that all his friends have somehow squeezed into.

They’re all holding their worms.

And Davey is like guys if this is an elaborate prank it wasn’t even that funny to begin with but now it is very very much not funny.

But Sarah just goes in a sad tone it’s not a prank Davey.

Les not looking like he’s trying not to laugh is what makes Davey believe it’s not a prank.

And Davey is legitimately terrified at this point because even Spot and Katherine are looking at him with a solemn kind of pity and when he asks them for help they just shake their heads and tell him everything will be okay.

He turns to Jack and is still clinging to that last little bit of hope that one of the people he loves might not have gone off the deep end.

That last little bit of hope that the boy he loves is still the boy I fell for. I know you’re still in there so please just untie me Jackie.

Jack looks like he’s trying not to cry but he doesn’t move.

Instead he says I love you Davey. It’ll all be over soon.

Do it, Race.

Race steps forward and Davey just about has a heart attack because

He’s

Holding

That

Goddamn

Light blue

Worm

And he takes some rainbow duct tape out of his pocket and tapes it to Davey’s shirt.

And the others all start chanting one of us one of us one of us as Davey can practically feel the spine leave his body and travel to another dimension where there’s a man who collects them.

It turns out the others were right that he should just give in.

Now it’s time for them to get the rest of the school.

Edit: here is my attempt to justify myself for this. 💜

[we-are-inevitable]

toxic relationship hcs you say?? 😈 i adore this au so much jac

- sometimes they’ll just. argue about nothing into the early hours of the morning, then have hate sex and go to bed angry. jack’s favourite non-apology is to come home with a baggie of coke or something and be like “would this make you feel better babe?”,, whereas davey is probably more likely to actually say he’s sorry, even if he wasn’t really in the wrong in the first place

- davey gets so possessive and jealous when it comes to jack, even when it’s just with his friends that he’s not remotely romantic or sexual with. he knows he’s being irrational, but sometimes he finds himself guilt-tripping jack about it anyways :/

- ok on a slightly different note. not sure how hard of drugs they do in this au,, but some good angst fuel could be one of them ending up in a k hole and the other having absolutely no fucking clue what to do about it. like jack’s completely dissociated and confused and hallucinating so bad that he can’t even move, and davey is pretty high himself and he’s never seen someone get like this before, so he’s freaking out. maybe he even ends up calling one of jack’s friends to help, even though he knows they don’t really like him

kath i hope u know that i am actually in love with you holy SHIT

also just in case, but:

TW: drugs, alcohol, discussion of sexual topics, toxic relationships

okay so right off the bat: jack using drugs to make make davey Not Pissed Off is something that can be so personal,

i feel like i should also establish- for anyone reading this- that jack and david are absolutely horrible people in this au, by the way. i'll get into more on that later.

but yeah, jack knows davey, and jack knows that davey is happier when high, so when davey is high, davey is happy, and davey tends to get high after they fight. it's a constant cycle of anger and drugs and numbness and "i love you" and it's almost disorienting, but they're both too far gone to care at that point.

so, when davey is angry at jack, jack will let him take the first hits from a blunt, or splurge and bring home the "good" coke, or offer to help him shoot up in the bathroom.

BUT when jack is mad at DAVEY, jack tends to be a bit more selfish with his shit. davey's "apologies" are basically him just apologizing so jack will get high with him again, or fuck him again, or smoke with him on the balcony again.

all in all, jack pacifies davey and davey tells jack what he wants to hear. neither are actually sorry.

MOVING ON:

davey getting possessive over jack is ABSOLUTELY something that happens. because, well, davey... doesn't really have anyone else?

he went low contact with his family for jack. he rarely stays at his own dorm when they're first starting their relationship- he's always at jack's- so he doesn't really get along with his roommate anymore. he doesn't talk to people in his classes and lectures. he spends every moment he has with jack, because jack is the only person giving him the attention he needs.

it gets worse when they actually move in together, once they can move out of the dorms.

he gets upset when jack goes to a party without him. he gets upset when jack spends a lot of time with his friends. on the rare occasions that jack's friends want to get high (on weed; they don't do harder shit like jack), david is LIVID when jack comes home smelling like weed- because david wasn't there.

david has a lot of codependence issues.

FINALLY:

alright so full disclosure: i DID have to look this up on urban dictionary.

i imagine that ketamine isn't something that they get their hands on often, but they probably do it a few times; just when jack feels like changing things up a bit.

as for a bad experience: YES

and it would be an interesting role reversal, too, bc jack is usually the one to take care of davey while davey's high. jack is just naturally more experienced; hes been playing with fire since he was fifteen, and davey is still relatively new to this, so more often than not, it's davey who pushes a little too far bc he doesn't know his limits yet.

but thinking about davey having to help jack through a bad trip... GOD kath your MIND

and if davey DOES end up calling one of jack's friends, it's basically futile. they'd insist on getting jack checked out, or taking him to a hospital, or trying to talk jack into getting clean and going to rehab (again), and as bad as it sounds... davey doesn't want that.

jack is his gateway into everything. sex, drugs, alcohol, parties. his entire new lifestyle. davey is, quite literally, addicted to jack.

this is going to sound cliche but

jack is his drug, and david isn't ready to get clean.

also, i'm going to go into some more NSFW stuff down below the cut, so just be warned! (the actual fic isn't going to be sexually explicit, but there are some scenes that are very heavily implied and will be tagged as such.)

so, as you said, the hate-sex is very common.

also okay so like. in this au, davey isn't exactly a virgin when they meet but jack absolutely brings a new side of sex to the table- a side that david has never experienced before.

i'm not going to go into specifics, but jack is just a lot more possessive and aggressive than anything david is used to.

and this isn't just in sexual situations! it's very much applicable to their relationship as a whole.

(i want to clarify- when i say aggressive i don't mean in a Yikes! way, but you should also know that, even though this situation is shitty, david knows his limits. david knows what he wants to accept, and he's very willingly accepting the aggression that jack carries with him. again, not to be graphic, but david is into it. just to clarify!)

but yeah the rough sex is like. their normal

and they're only soft and slow when one of them specifies that it's what they need in that moment- which does happen a few times! particularly when one of them is just,, having a sad day. that's sad sex to them

i am going to stop this here bc i don't want to get too explicit with this answer, but you mentioned hate-sex and i just. have feelings about the sexual side of their relationship (which the fic will get into), and i guess we can use this as a warning for some of the content to come when i actually start posting the fic ?? idk

thank u so much for this ask !! i'm sure this is way longer than u wanted !! but i had so many thoughts !!!!! also feel free to ALWAYS talk to me abt this au because WOW i love it

[i-write-newsies]

!!TW!!

-Sexual Harassment

-Overstimulation

Ships:

-Javid

-Jack and Katherine (Platonic)

Davey POV:

Wh- what?

I almost drop my phone from shock.

I take a second and clutch my phone to my chest, squealing like a schoolgirl. I lie on my back and kick my legs in the air excitedly. JACK KELLY ASKED ME OUT.

Wait.

What should I say? Have I left him on read for too long? Does he think I don't like him?? I take a deep breath and respond as carefully as possible...

I'd love to, Jackie :)

Jack :): OHTHANKGOD

Jack :): sry, i just thought you didnt like foods

Then why'd you ask me out??

Jack :): i just sorta went on atopierloy

Jack :): *artoupliot

Jack :): *AUYPOLIT DAMMIT

Jack :): FUCK

Autopilot?

Jack :): yes. Autoplit

Jack :): dammit

Haha! Anyways, what day/time?

Jack :): duz sat. at around 2pm gud?

Sure! Can't wait.

Jack POV:

Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

I'm goin' on a date wit' Davey!

I start stimming super hard. It takes me a bit to calm down and my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

I scroll to Kath's contact.

Kath

Kath

Kath

Kath

Kath

Kath >:3: jesus christ, jack wtf do you want, it's like, 2am.

I asked Davey out

Kath >:3: WHAT?? I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE PROLLY DOESNT LIKE DUDES???

I THOUGHT SO TO???

Kath >:3: 1. You're fucking illiterate I swear

Kath >:3: 2. How did it go??

1. Rude (but trew)

2. HE SAID YES

Kath >:3: omg that's awesomeeee!!

Kath >:3: what r u gonna wear?

Idrk

Kath >:3: I'm coming over rn.

What??

Ur joking right?

Kath

KATHERINE??

I hear a knock on my apartment door. I open it to find, you guessed it, Kath.

"Jesus, you get here quick, dontcha?"

"You underestimate my speed walking strength."

"Fair enough" I chortle.

"So," says, dropping a giant, heavy scrapbook on my bed with a thump. "What're you doing for the date?" she flips through pages, very determined.

Kath is a fashion major and is planning to minor in journalism. She's quite talented at both.

"We're gonna get froyo and then watch some kinda cheesy romcom I guess?"

Katherine, I shit you not, flips through 20 pages in 2 seconds and comes to a collage of outfits she was looking for.

"So," she turns the book towards me and starts pointing things out, "what would be best for this type of date is a simple, comfortable outfit, preferably a cooler one, with a jacket just in case." She starts rambling on and on about certain things I don't understand. I'll just let the genius do all the work.

Suddenly, I realize something, "Kath," she looks up, "I don't have ANY of these clothes. What am I gonna do?"

She smiles evilly, "Jack Francis Kelly, are you ready to go on a shopping spree?"

*Timeskip bc jfc I'm so tired*

Kath POV:

"Come on out"

Jack walks out, clearly embarrassed, but looking amazing!

"Wowww." I drawl, "If I wasn't a lesbian, I'd tap that."

"Seriously Kath?" he gives me a look.

I smile mischievously, "Anyway, I definitely think this is THE outfit."

What Jack is wearing:

📷

📷

"Thank GOD!" he sighs, we've been lookin' through thrift stores for HOURS now."

"Thank god for Goodwill, right?" I chuckle a bit.

"Yep!" Jack says.

We pay for our things and walk out of the store, Jack trails behind me a bit, looking at his phone.

"Shit!" he suddenly exclaims, "I forgot my wallet in the dressing room!" he runs back inside.

Suddenly, someone whistles and says, "Damn, you look good! Why dontcha smile for us, sweetheart? I bet you'll look so much better." Terrified, I walk back only to bump into another man.

"Aw, leave her alone, Morris, you clearly don't know how to treat a woman." he grabs my arm, "How's about we get away, princess?"

"Hey, Oscar, she was mine foist!"

I try and yank my arm away but to no avail.

"Please, guys, I'm not interested."

"Why?" Morris's face turns sour, "We'se not good enough for you?"

"No, it's just that I'm not into men."

"Well..." Morris says with an evil glint in his eye, "I bet I can change that."

He lunges towards me and grabs me away from Oscar.

"Woah, Morris, I don't think we should go this far, after all, she says she's not into guys and we should respect tha-"

"Shaddup, Oscar you bonehead!" Morris shouts.

I start getting overstimulated because of my sensory issues and start to shut down. I try to cover my ears, but Morris still has a hold on me, restricting my movement. I squeeze my eyes tightly, trying to distract myself from all the noise.

Oscar seems to notice this, "Morris! Somethin's wrong, I'm serious!"

"Yeah right!" Morris says sarcastically.

I open my eyes a little to see Oscar rushing towards Morris, just about ready to punch him, when-

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM HER!"

Jack.

Thank god.

I feel myself being pulled away from Morris and into a pair of strong arms. I also feel headphones slip over my ears, and things are a lot quieter. For that second, I just breathe in a familiar scent and try to calm down.

I feel Jack let go of me, and I open my eyes just in time to see him punch Morris right in the nose.

Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

He goes to attack Oscar as well, but I grab ahold of his shoulder.

"Jack, wait..." I say soft, but stern, "he didn't do much. He saw what he was doing wrong and tried to help me."

Jack's face is still red with anger, but he nods and grabs my hand, walking back to the car.

By the time we get back to his apartment, I've calmed down enough to not need my headphones anymore.

Jack makes us some Mac n Cheese as I flip through Netflix movies to watch.

"How does Les Mis sound?" I shout to him.

"Great!" he shouts back.

(A/N):

Yes, ik, this chapter isn't exactly Javid, but I thought it might be an interesting chapter, and a way to introduce my Autistic! Katherine hc, as well as SA awareness. Be safe out there!

Love,

Phoenix "Race" Conlon

1043 words

[crutchie-with-a-y]

Hiya Sophie🥰 how are you? Could I please request Jack Kelly x reader where he’s being touchy and begging for them to love him but reader is busy with school so they don’t give him enough attention? And then Jack gets super quiet and when reader is done with hw, reader feels super bad about not giving Jack enough attention, they treat Jack with cookies they’ve made and talk about this and the two of them end up cuddling the whole night sharing sweet kisses. Jack lays his head on reader’s chest🥺

Hey! I’m doing pretty good, what about you? Thank you for the request! Sorry for the wait, I’ve been a little pre-occupied, but I hope this is something like what you had in mind! <3

“Haha, yeah we’ll see you later, Finch!” You laughed and waved as your friend said his goodbyes and turned down his street. 

“Oh thank GOD he’s gone!” Your boyfriend, Jack, said as soon as Finch was out of earshot. You and him and about a dozen other friends always walked home after school together, one by one peeling off from the group as they reached their streets. Finch was the third to last to turn onto his street, which left you and Jack to walk the rest of the way to your homes, (which is actually how you started dating in the first place). Jack, who was usually happy to have friends around, had seemed restless to get away from the group today, and once he was positive Finch couldn’t see or hear you, he pinned you against the stone wall the two of you were passing on the sidewalk. He passionately kissed you and for a moment you completely lost yourself in his rough lips that tasted of cherry coke and the cigarette he had shared with Race at lunch. Then you reminded yourself that you had some homework to complete and a test to study for. 

“Jack,” You gasped when he pulled back for air and began to nibble at your ear. “Jack, Jack I don’t have time.” Jack pulled back without removing his hands from where they held your wrists against the wall and squinted at you.

“What are you talking about?” You snapped your wrists forward and glared at him as you began to walk again, him following at your side with the same look on his face.

“I have homework.” Jack stopped completely and you turned back to look at him. 

“The fuck you don’t,” Jack said, obviously pissed at you, and that was rare, so it made you pretty uncomfortable, you had to admit. “You finished your math in class, you told me at lunch. Your history project isn’t due for a literal month and you’re already almost done with your poster. You wrote this week’s homework essay for English on Monday night.” He walked slowly, listing everything off on his fingers. 

“Well there is more math,” You said defensively, as the pair of you turned a corner onto your block. 

“More math? What the-oh my god the EXTRA CREDIT PACKET?!” He looked at you like you were insane and you bit your lip and looked at the concrete. “Y/N, you’re a straight-A student. You don’t need the extra credit. And even if you still wanted it ‘just in case,’“ He imitated you as he followed you up the stairs to your front door. “You literally have all semester to turn it in, and it’s FRIDAY. It’s FRIDAY! Can we not just relax and do couple things for ONCE.” He said, turning around to look at you while you shut your front door behind you. You glared at him. He KNEW how important school was for you and how much you stressed about getting all your work in on time, why was he being so rude about it? 

“I also have science,” You responded, pushing past him and into your dining room to pull your laptop and textbook out of your bag and set on the table. Jack loudly threw his bag on the table in front of you and headed into the kitchen. 

“Please tell me your kidding,” He said, popping open a can of Pepsi. You flipped through your textbook pages angrily, upset that he didn’t seem to get it. 

“No, I’m not kidding.” You said sharply, only turning to look at him once you’d said it, just able to catch the sad, exhausted look on your boyfriend's face. You felt guilty, but before you could apologize, his face hardened again.

“Y/N I WAS UP TILL 3 AM YESTERDAY HELPING YOU WITH YOUR SCIENCE PROJECT. HOW DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO?” He yelled, which made you shrink a little as you typed your password into your laptop, but then your blood boiled. 

“YES AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THAT, BUT THERES A TEST ON MONDAY-”

“ON MONDAY?” Jack stepped up on the chair next to you and sat on the table and closed your computer in an attempt to get you to look at him, but you just crossed your arms and stared at the logo on the top of your computer. “Y/N, please, you can study all weekend for that, when your parents get back? Cmon, right now we have a little alone time and I really need-” 

“Everything to be about you?” You whipped your head up to look at him. His eyes looked hurt, but you weren’t going to take it back. 

“No, I’m sorry, I just, I’m really-”

“Annoying.” You glared at him, and then it was Jacks' turn to shrink, but he didn’t boil back, and you felt a twinge of guilt. “Look, just, just give me an hour.” You opened your laptop back up while Jack slumped over, flicking his pop tab in defeat. After a few minutes of the “tingggggg” noise echoing in the quiet room, you reached over, without looking up from your screen, and placed your hand on top of his fingers to stop the flicking. You kept it their longer then you meant to, and Jack rubbed your knuckles with his thumb, lightly squeezing your hand. You pulled it away abruptly, and wouldn’t let yourself look at the heartbroken look on his face. 

Awhile later your phone buzzed for what felt like the thousandth time from your laptop bag and you couldn’t take it anymore. You ripped your bag across the table and dug around for it in the front pocket. 

“Why the hell do you keep calling me?” You said sharply into your phone. 

“I was calling to ask you why the hell Jack has been active on Instagram for the past three and a half hours?” Katherine matched your tone on the other end. You pulled your phone back from your ear to look at the time and cringed when you realized how much you’d gone over your hour. Jack had walked off into your bedroom what you thought was a few moments ago but was actually two hours ago. You were still annoyed though, and Katherine being so nosy didn’t help.

“I don’t know,  he just is,” You said snarkily. “I’m studying,”

“Your parents are out of town and you SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY are studying on a Friday night instead of spending time with your boyfriend?” She sounded shocked, and you didn’t appreciate her judgment.

“Look, Kath, I-”

“Especially after he got fired yesterday.” Your heart dropped.

“Wait, what?” You prayed that you had misheard her.

“Yeah, I guess he forgot to call in yesterday, so when he didn’t show up his boss told him to, and I quote, ‘not bother showing up anytime after that either.’“ Katherine explained exasperatedly. You wanted to vomit. “Wait, how did you not know about this?” 

“Um, ahhh, I gotta go,” You said, standing up quickly and hanging up as you walked towards your bedroom. You slid your phone into the pocket of your jeans and lightly tapped the closed door to open it a smidge. Jack was sitting on your bed, on the phone with someone, his back propped up against the wall, looking out the window with his forearms resting on his knees which were bent up so his feet were on top of your comforter. You pushed your door open a little more to see that he had taken his shoes off so he didn’t get dirt on your bed, which he knew you detested. A small smile pulled at the edges of your cheeks; even who he was upset with you, he went out of his way to please you. He was so selfless. Your smile fell. And because of that selflessness, he had ended up sacrificing his job to help you out. You looked back at your laptops glowing screen in the dark dining room, the blue light reflecting off the cover of your textbook. School stressed you out so much. So, so much. You had always been a very good student, but a slight dip in your performance the semester before had lead to a stern talking-to from your parents that made you absolutely terrified to get anything lower than a perfect 4.0.

You looked back at Jack, who was still on the phone, flicking paint out from under his nails, oblivious to you in the doorway. He gets that, you thought to yourself. Jack understood the pressure from your parents and the immense fearful stress school put you under. Jack was always willing to be a supportive boyfriend, no matter how hard you made it. 

“Oh yeah, no (he’s/she’s/they’re) busy studying right now. (He’s/She’s/They’re) really stressed about school,” Jack said into the phone. “Hey, hey, (his/her/their) parents are really strict and put on a lot of pressure, it’s not (his/her/their) fault. Besides, I’ve never seen you turn in homework once so shut up.” Oh my god, You thought, feeling yourself tear up. He was literally standing up for you over something that you had just argued about, and on top of it, he didn’t know you were watching him, so he did this out of sheer integrity. You let your guard down for a second and let out a loud sniff, and immediately darted behind the door, hoping he didn’t see you. He continued talking to whoever it was he was on the phone with, causing you to let out a sigh of relief. Then you just stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. You peaked around the door again, just as he started to laugh.

“Hahaha, yeah me too, I haven’t had dinner yet, I’m starved.” For a moment you felt even more guilty, knowing he was waiting for you to eat, but then you felt a light bulb click on over your head. You headed into the kitchen and began to quietly open and shut cabinets, gathering the ingredients you knew you would need to surprise Jack. Your boyfriend was often fairly mysterious, but one thing everyone could tell you about him was his obsessive and at times even frightening love of snickerdoodles. As you quietly dumped cups of flour into a bowl, you couldn’t control the small giggle that escaped your mouth as you remembered what an important role snickerdoodles had played in your relationship.

“You have some snickerdoodle crumbs on your lips,” Jack had said after diving into the cookies you had made for him on his birthday. But before you could reach for a napkin, he had stopped you. “Actually, let me take care of that.” And the next thing you knew you were having your first kiss with Jack Kelly. 

You carefully pulled the pan of cookies out of the oven and slid them onto a plate. You clicked the oven off and picked up the plate, your hands protected by polka-dot oven mitts. You knew you should probably wait for them to cool, but you were too impatient. You walked over to your bedroom and bumped the door open with your hip. Jack’s phone call had ended awhile ago, and he was laying on his back on your bed, his knee propped to support the notebook he was drawing on with the stub of a pencil. He looked up when you walked in, and quickly set aside the drawing materials.

“Snickerdoodles?” He looked at the plate and then back up at you. “I always welcome humankind's best invention but what is the occasion?” 

“A sincere apology,” You said, you had practiced what you were going to say while you were baking. 

“Oh no, I’m sorry, you don’t have to-” Jack started, shaking his head.

“No, I do.” You said, setting the plate on your comforter and gesturing for him to take a cookie. “I was being a self-centered asshole, and for that, I am so deeply sorry.” Jack began to shake his head again as he slowly broke his snickerdoodle in half.    “No, I was.” You said, sliding your hand under his chin and lifting it up so he was looking you in the eye. “I am so sorry about your job, Jack. That was completely my fault and I take full responsibility. I promise I will call your boss and try and talk him into taking you back, and if he won’t I will find you another job. A good one, that you like. I promise.” Jack set his cookie back on the plate and turned his head away and swallowed hard. You moved the plate to the floor and reached your arms around his shoulders to pull him closer to you.

“You are just so selfless. Truly, the sacrifices you make for everyone else, without a second thought amaze me. If you lost your job to help me with a science project, I cannot imagine the other things you have given up to make other people even the slightest bit happier.” You heard Jack choke into your shoulder, and you planted a soft kiss on his head. “You are the best person I know, Jack Kelly.” And with that, your boyfriend let out a broken sob and his shoulders began to shake as he cried. You slowly leaned back on your bed so that Jack’s head rested on your chest and his tears dripped onto your T-shirt. You rubbed his back and kissed his head, careful to be delicate. Eventually, his sobs stopped and the two of you sat in connected silence. 

“Where are those snickerdoodles?” Jack sniffed. You laughed.

“They’re on the floor.” You lifted your arms so he could lean down and get them. He picked the plate up and set it up over your shoulder, grabbing the one he broken in half earlier. He kissed you sweetly before laying back down on your chest and nibbling on the cookie contentedly. You looked down at him with a warm smile on your face and in your heart. 

“I love you, Jack.” 

“I love you too, Y/N.” 

[sammie-cant-write]

Ralbert Fluff

I KNOW

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING KINKTOBER BUT THIS IS REALLY CUTE

No warnings except for a little bit of blood. Like, a split lip but that's it.

Enjoy!

=====

It was homecoming night and Race was alone. Well, he didn't come alone. He came with Jack, Crutchie, Davey, Kath, and Albert. He would've brought Spot along too but he had gotten in a fight with someone because they cat called Davey's sister. But, one by one, they had left him to lean against the wall.

Jack and Crutchie couldn't dance together because of Crutchies disability so they opted to poke fun at white girls who thought they were ghetto based solely on what they had seen on the internet.

Davey and Kath had decided to take pictures together and then opted to sit in the hallway because Davey was going into sensory overload.

And, finally, Albert. Albert was the last to leave because he knew that Race wasn't huge on dancing. Albert tried to convince him at first but decided not to push too far to make Race upset.

Race had been eyeing Albert all night and, if he noticed, he hadn't said anything. Albert wasn't huge on being the center of attention so he opted to be further out from the cluster of people. Race was somewhat happy he could see Albert. Race got jealous easily and he had a little (it was impossibly large but he would never admit it out loud) crush on the red-head. Race looked around to see if any of his other friends were in sight but he didn't see any of them so he looked back to Albert. Or, where he was before he looked away. Albert was nowhere to be seen and Race groaned. Then he walked outside of the gym to get a drink and a cookie. He went back to his original spot against the wall and in less than a minute, Albert was in front of him.

Albert was visibly excited. He always got like this at parties so Race didn't think anything of it, until Albert grabbed his hand.

"Hey, listen to the beginning of this song." Albert said, trying to bring Race to the crowd.

"Oh, you son of a bitch." Race said, once he recognized the beginning of it.

"C'mon, you know you love this song." Albert said, trying to drag him away but Race stayed put.

"Albert, no." He whined. Albert sighed and let go of Race before getting an idea.

He leaned in close so his mouth was right next to Races near and whispered "Come on, snake. Let's rattle." Albert backed up with a smirk on his face.

Race panicked and acted without thinking. Before, he knew it, Albert staggered back a few steps, holding a hand over his mouth and there were a few shouts.

"Holy shit!" Was one of them.

"Did Higgins just-?" Was another.

"Damn, DaSilva is gonna get fucked up!" Was the final.

"Alright, that's one way to say no." Albert said, pulling his hand away. There was blood dripping from his bottom lip and Race sighed in slight relief. He was relieved for two reasons. One, everyone had looked away when they realized there wasn't going to be a fight, two, he hadn't hurt Albert too badly. He was half thankful he hadn't knocked out a tooth, half planning to get murdered on the way home. Albert wiped the blood off his lip and hissed.

"I'm so fucking sorry, I do that when I panic." Race apologized, taking a tissue out of his pocket and holding it up to Albert's lip.

"No, it's fine. I just have one question. How the fuck are you so strong?" Albert said, taking the tissue from Race. Race pulled his hand away and chuckled.

"The grind never stops, bro." Race grinned and Albert laughed. There was an awkward silence until Albert pulled away the tissue.

"Okay, the bleeding stopped, that's good." He said and Race nodded.

"Good. That's... That's good." Race said, nodding.

"It still hurts though. You know what I bet would make it feel a lot better?" Albert asked, cocky grin on his face.

"What?" Race asked, crossing his arms and smiling sarcastically.

"A kiss on my booboo." Albert said in a baby voice. Race blushed but grinned. Now was his chance, if Albert was joking, he could play it off. If Albert wasn't joking, it would work out. Either way, he wins.

"Bet." Race said, seeing if Albert was joking one last time.

"Bet." Albert responded. Race then placed a kiss on his lips. What he didn't expect was for Albert to grab the back of his head and pull Race forward so their lips were pressed together more forcefully. Once Albert realized Race was reciprocating it, he removed his hands from his head and instead placed them on the blondes waist. Race placed his hands on the sides of Albert's face, gently caressing his cheeks. When they pulled away from each other, they kept their bodies close and smiled at each other.

"First of all, wow," Race said. "Second of all, I hate my life because now I owe Spot 20 dollars." Albert laughed and kissed Races nose, pulling back completely.

"You always did have a thing for betting." Albert said. Then, Race snapped his fingers, remembering something.

"Spot also wants a picture because he's tired of me talking about you." Race said, pulling out his phone.

"You would talk about me?" Albert asked.

"Yeah, I've had a crush on you for months, now shut up and kiss me so we can have a cheesy couple pic." Albert pressed his lips to Races and Race took the picture but they stayed a few more seconds just because they wanted to.

They broke apart solely because they heard, from a few feet away, Jack yelling "Get a room!"

Race yelled back "Jack, shut the fuck up!" Yelling the 'fuck' louder than every other word.

=====

@safe-tony-stark this is for you ily

[whatstheproblembaby]

Fic: Triptych

@klaineharmony requested I do Javetherine Halloween fic, and when I got this idea, I couldn’t NOT. ~1380 words, PG-13 for cussing but not content.

“This is absolutely the hardest part of being in a poly relationship,” Kath said, flopping backwards onto the mattress.

The exhausted sigh she let out turned into a yelp midway through as Jack poked her in the ribs.

“This? This is the hardest part?” he said, plopping down by her right side. “We’ve told all of our parents what our relationship status was. In the middle of your family’s formal Thanksgiving dinner, no less.”

“We’ve figured out how to get all three of us to sleep comfortably in one bed,” Davey added on from where he was leaning against their dresser. “I landed on the floor so many times….”

“We’ve had full-on conversations about making sure we all feel like equal participants in this relationship, regardless of who gets to spend more time with whom,” Jack said, rubbing Kath’s thigh.

“You used ‘whom’ correctly,” Davey said. “I may swoon.”

He threw his head back and fanned himself dramatically, pretending to slump toward the floor. Kath reached up to the head of the bed, grabbed a throw pillow, and chucked it at him.

“Hey!”

“You two aren’t funny,” Kath grumbled as she sat up. “Yes, okay, technically there are harder things to coordinate in a poly relationship. But we’ve been trying to figure out a group Halloween costume for like three hours now, and we’ve gotten nowhere!”

“If you would just go with my first suggestion-”

“We are not going as Luke, Han, and Leia, Cowboy!” Kath said. “I know no one else is gonna think twice about it, but I literally wouldn’t be able to kiss Davey if he was dressed as my twin brother.”

“Oh, I’m sure one of our weird-ass friends would have a lot of questions if we went as a trio where two of the members are siblings,” Davey said, coming to sit on Kath’s other side. “Remember trying to watch Cars with Smalls?”

“I repressed everything after she started asking where baby cars come from in that universe,” Kath said as Jack shuddered. “Please don’t try to unearth those memories.”

“That’s a low blow, Dave. Fine, the Star Wars idea is out.”

“As are Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy, for similar reasons,” Davey said.

“Someday I’ll find an excuse to dye my hair pink,” Kath said, sighing again.

“So...what do we do?” Jack asked.

The bedroom was quiet for a moment until Davey spoke up.

“Should we just not coordinate?”

“Are people in romantic relationships even allowed to do that?” Jack teased. “How will the general public know we’re all together?”

“Given that you can’t go a block without putting your hand in both Davey’s and my back pockets, I’m not too worried,” Kath said, making Davey snort.

“And since when have we ever been like most people in romantic relationships?” he asked. “Then we’d have to do something horrific like a plug and socket costume.”

“Wouldn’t it be a plug, socket, and metal fork, since there’s three of us?”

Jack guffawed as Davey pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe that’s where your brain went first.”

“I see your point, Dave,” Jack said once he’d stopped laughing. “We’re definitely not like anyone else.”

“So let’s do our own things,” Kath said, growing excited by Davey’s suggestion. “We’re not likely to accidentally promote incest or pedophilia that way, that’s for sure.”

“And you could still be Han Solo if you wanted,” Davey said. “It’s not like you need Luke and Leia for him to be recognizable.”

“The both of you are very persuasive, do you know that?”

“Oh, we’re well aware,” Kath said, nestling into Davey’s side. “How else would we be able to get you to stop painting and eat dinner with us when you’re in the zone?”

“You-”

“There’s no stopping us, Jackie,” Davey said, pulling Kath closer. “We’re a force of nature.”

Jack gaped for a minute before saying, “You were wrong, Ace. The hardest part of being in a poly relationship is realizing how whipped you are by your partners.”

“You love it,” Kath said, reaching out and taking his hand.

“Never said I didn’t.”

_________________

“Almost ready?” Jack yelled from the living room. The three of them had decided to surprise each other with their costumes before heading out to Medda’s annual Halloween bash, so he had had to get dressed at work in order to not spoil anything.

“Just a sec!” Kath called back, hearing a similar response from Davey in the bedroom. She peered in the bathroom mirror, adjusting her wig and adding one more bobby pin before stepping back to get as full a view as she could.

“Good job, Katherine,” she muttered to herself as she took in her black pleated skirt, gray sweater, and red-and-gold striped tie. The frizzy wig completed her Hermione costume perfectly, and would be much easier to deal with at the end of the night than if she’d ratted her natural hair. She grabbed her black robe off the hook on the bathroom door and swung it on as she wandered down the hall to the living room, her attention focused on getting the fastener to close right.

When she looked up and saw her partners, she started laughing so hard that she was brought to tears.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” she gasped between spurts of giggles.

“No one’s ever going to believe we didn’t plan this,” Davey choked out, holding his stomach to support his own laughter. His red wig bobbled on his head.

“If I didn’t think we were meant for each other before, this seals it,” Jack said, pulling off his round, lensless glasses to wipe his eyes. “Jesus.”

Katherine let out one last whoop of joy before pulling herself together enough to take in Jack’s and Davey’s costumes. The clothes weren’t much different from her own - gray sweaters, black slacks, and red-and-gold ties, though Jack’s was tied neater than Davey’s. Jack also had a lightning scar painted on his forehead, while Davey had added a blue sweatband to his look to keep his wig anchored.

“Going for the deep cut, I see,” Kath said, pointing at Davey.

“If it was good enough for the Starkids…,” Davey said with a shrug. “Now all I need is a Nerf sword.”

“Oh, I’m sure we can find one somewhere,” Jack said. “But seriously - after all our discussion of the Golden Trio as being too cliche for a group costume, we somehow decided individually to be them?”

“I never actually went as Hermione as a kid!” Kath said, a little defensively. “I figured I may as well make up for that now.”

“Ron deserves more appreciation,” Davey said vehemently. “Every kid wants to go as Harry or Hermione, usually, but they wouldn’t have made it through the seventh book without Ron!”

“Easy, Dave, none of us are disagreeing with you,” Jack said, holding up a placating hand. “And I figured I had the tie and sweater already - may as well just go with it.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Kath said. “Davey and I would look pretty silly if we showed up like this while you were dressed as Chewbacca or something.”

“You mean to tell me you wouldn’t force me to change if you two were dressed like this and I showed up in something completely different?”

“She might not, but I would,” Davey said, making Kath start laughing again. “I wouldn’t be able to handle the incohesiveness of the narrative.”

“Only an English teacher would say that,” Jack grumbled. “You’re such a stereotype, Davey.”

“Wrong: I’m a wizard,” Davey said. “And I will absolutely hex your ass if we’re late to Medda’s party and they drink all the apple cider sangria without us.”

Kath gasped. “The sangria!”

“Let’s go, then!” Jack said, gesturing toward the door dramatically. “God forbid I stand in the way of you two and your sangria.”

“Hey,” Kath said, situating herself between Jack and Davey as they headed out the door. “Happy Halloween, Harry and Ron. There’s no one else I’d rather go on a world-saving extended camping trip with.”

She pressed kisses to both of their cheeks, and her boys each wrapped an arm around her waist in return. Much as she loved that apple cider sangria, this moment was the best treat of her Halloween.

[drawings-and-nightmares]

When The Mouth Went Silent

Author/Writer/Whatever: Dreams

Word Count: 3958

Editing: Uhhh who’s she??

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20049268

Davey knew a lot of things, mostly from his school days. He knew how to read, write, and even do math. Most other newsies didn’t commonly know all three, hell, most newsies commonly didn’t have folks either. However, David Jacobs wasn’t really a newsie, and he knew that in his heart and brain more than anything else.

Even Les seemed to be more of a newsie than him, and that always shone brightly through from the group’s dynamics. Davey was happy for his brother, yeah, but it made his heart hurt in a longing way, that made him feel unsure and anxious as ever. Sure, he had his folks and Sarah still, but Sarah was always off with Katherine. Besides, even if she wasn’t a newsie, she sure as hell was a part of their group. The same went for Kath, and she was Pulitzer’s daughter, for god’s sake.

David Jacobs was just the odd one out, so it seemed.

He couldn’t blame his friends for a fact like that.

Maybe the newsies were right about him being too uptight. Was that why they didn’t like him? Most likely. Hell, Davey didn’t like himself either, which was probably clear as day at this point.

Sure, he had folks, but that’s not what separated him from the others. If Les and Sarah were a part of his family, and the group’s family, than that must have meant that there was something fundamentally wrong with him.

Being the Walking Mouth was fun, and he felt like he was a part of something, at least for a few days. Things had changed for the better, but it was obvious that only his ideas were useful, and not him. Now, since there was no need for plans and schemes against Pulitzer, he could consider himself out of the group for good. He expected it, though. His confidence was always shot down like this, so it was expected. Sarah and Les were obviously welcomed, though. They always did seem to have a certain air to them that just beamed both friendliness and confidence. He just…didn’t have that.

The Newsies were most likely letting him hang around out of pity. They always shot certain looks at him, and seemed to disperse playful conversations and banter when he drew near. If they were just too nice to straight up tell him to leave them alone, then he’d just have to break it off himself.

It was a shame that he had to work with them the next day though. His plan would’ve been easier otherwise.

____________________________________________

Things were…concerning to say the least. Most of the newsies knew that, but it was especially worrying if you were Jack Kelly.

You see, everyone had been on edge ever since one of his best friends, the Walking Mouth, also known as Davey, started acting…strange. Stranger than usual, to say the least.

Every newsie knew that Dave had at least some kind of anxiety plaguing him. You could tell it from almost a mile away, and at this point, most of the others had been around him enough to do so.

In fact, they were planning something nice for the other boy. A nice little get together at Jacobi’s, in order to celebrate what Davey had done for their strike. Even some of the Brooklyn Boys and kids from the Bronx were coming! The kids were sworn to secrecy about telling David, despite all of the excitement for it. Everything was planned almost perfectly. Well, at least until the other started to act like…not himself, to say the least.

At first, it was understandable. Davey was trying to catch up on his work from home, so he brushed off little events and dinners at Jacobi’s that the Newsies had planned, leaving his brother Les behind instead, picking him up later in the night, or letting Sarah do it instead. It was a bit worrying, but mostly everyone somewhat understood the Mouth’s situation, despite most never being in school.

Things started to get weirder when the Walking Mouth grew silent, though. It was with the little things, at first. Not joining in on as many conversations, trailing off completely sometimes, and not responding when someone called him. Worrying, but nothing big. After a while though, it seemed to escalate to the point where he was barely talking to even Sarah and Les anymore, according to the two. On the job, he never said a word to any of the newsies, unless it was about the headline. Even then, those answers were short and unsatisfying, despite how dumb they purposefully made their questions.

Hell, Davey had even started wearing that godforsaken tie again. It looked like it would strangle the Mouth at any moment, and choke off his voice forever.

Jack however, could not allow that to happen. So, he devised a plan. Well, maybe a few, since his plans sometimes(usually) failed, but his point still stood.

They were going to help out David Jacobs, no matter the cost.

____________________________________________

Davey straightened out his collar and tie while walking to the square, his gaze cast downwards. Les walked beside him, but unlike usual, his younger brother was silent. To make up for the lack of conversation, Davey just started to anxiously count the cracks in the sidewalk and road ahead instead.

One. Two. Three. Four…

He wasn’t sure why he was doing this. Since Les was close to the others…he had also kept silent from his brother. Les was chatty, and if he had caught Davey acting jealous(even though he was absolutely not)…well, it’d definitely be the end for him, to say the least.

Unbeknownst to Davey, Les carefully watched his brother, biting his lip in order to contain all of his questions and excitement for the day ahead. Besides, even if he did talk, his brother would probably just ignore it. But in a different way than he usually did…

They finally made it to the gates, later than usual due to Davey’s hesitation. It did not go unnoticed, as a few newsies looked at the two, and shifted a bit nervously around them.

He waited for the familiar rattling of the Delanceys opening the gate, but he was instead met with an all too familiar arm slinging around his shoulders instead. However, it still didn’t cause him to flinch even less.

He looked over and sighed. Ah. It was Jack. That explained a lot.

Jack just grinned at Davey, “Well hey there Mouth! How’s it been?”

He just sighed and rolled his eyes, looking away, “…It’s been fine, Jack…”

The self-proclaimed cowboy just continued, but seemed a bit dismayed at the lack of his own nickname, ‘Jackie’, “Well, it’s been good too…why don’t you’s visit us at the Lodging tonight?”

Davey crossed his arms, “I’m busy, Jack. Remember?…I have to…catch up on some work.”

Jack frowned a bit at that. Sure, Davey has missed a bit of school…but that didn’t mean that he was that busy, right?

The more anxious boy shifted, and tried to pry the unwelcomed arm off of his shoulder, “I’ll just…leave Les with you guys and pick him up later…ok?…”

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed together slightly, and he sighed, “…Whatever you’s say, Dave.”

The two heard the familiar clink and creak of the gate being opened, and before Jack could say anything else, Davey rushed off. Well. Attempt one was unsuccessful. Maybe the second attempt would work instead…

____________________________________________

Davey dumped Les off with Jack as soon as he could, and scurried off with his papers. He didn’t even let the cowboy ask anything before quickly leaving. He began to sell at his usual spot, but his heart wasn’t really into it. Great. He couldn’t even sell newspapers right. Just another sign that he wasn’t really a newsie.

He slumped a bit, and sighed, starting to nervously twist the papers in his hands. Ok. Calm down. It was just some dumb news. He could do this. He had to earn more money somehow…

The boy sighed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. Oh right. He didn’t get any sleep last night. Well, wasn’t that just fun too…

He continued walking along, eventually selling a few papers. He’d probably have to sell some back…but at least that wasn’t an issue now.

…Did he even help with the strike at all?….

He thought that he did, but he wasn’t really sure now. The others had more active roles anyways…all that Davey did was talk.

Jack was the face. Katherine wrote down the words. The others spread it out there.

And Davey?

He said something dumb, not even meaning it, and started this whole thing. Granted, he would never take it back…

But the others would’ve come up with it sooner or later.

While brooding silently, someone suddenly placed a hand on his shoulder. He gasped, and pulled against the hold, all too familiar with people who wanted to soak him. School seemed to be abundant with those kinds of people.

“Davey! Hey! It’s me!”

Davey opened his eyes.

Race stood there with Crutchie at his side, eyes wide. Crutchie seemed concerned, and reached out a hand, shifting on his crutch.

Oh. Great. He fucked this up royally.

He backed away, and knocked Race’s and Crutchie’s hands away, mumbling a bit, “…I’m fine.”

“You’s sure about that, Jacobs?…You’s are shakin like a leaf-“ Race nervously gnawed on his cigar, staring Davey down.

Ah. Yeah. Definitely shaking.

Davey took in a deep breath, trying to control both his nerves and his breathing, “Look, I’m fine. So can we just…what are you two…even doing around here??”

Crutchie spoke up at that, “We’s just….were worried  ‘bout you…You haven’t been looking too good lately…”

The boy looked away, “Look I’m…I’m fine, ok? Just…I gotta go…sell my papers-“

Race stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, “Hang on a second there, Mouth. Look. Can we just…” He looked back towards Crutchie, who nodded and stuck a thumb up, “…Can we sell our papes with you’s?…Jus for today?…”

Davey let out a long sigh. Well, this was going to get difficult. After all, he couldn’t really avoid the newsies if they sold with him for the day. He looked away, and held a paper close to his chest, “…Fine.”

Race and Crutchie seemed to brighten up at that, and Davey shook his head. His…his friends meant well. If they even wanted to be considered his friends…but…Davey just wanted this to be less difficult than it already was.

So, he trudged along with Crutchie and Race by his side. He sold his normal amount of newspapers, but felt the other’s eyes constantly watching. It was..he didn’t know what it was at this point.

After a while, the evening edition went out, and he tried to split up. However…

“Where do you’s think you’re goin, Davey??”

“Yeah! There’s more papes to sell after all!”

He couldn’t really escape.

The evening seemed to drag on longer somehow, but after a few mishaps, he was able to get Les without much trouble, and leave.

He felt a migraine coming on, and Les wasn’t making things much better.

Les practically bounced along in his heels, “….an’ then there was this huge barrel blockin our path!! But then Jack just moved it, like, whoosh!!! And it started to roll down the alley and hit some shmuck in the back!!!” He was making a lot of wild gestures, which just blurred past his tired brother’s eyes.

“….That's….great, Les. I’m sure that….Sarah will love that story…” That was absolutely not true, but the last thing he needed was another retelling of the story now. He continued to slowly move along, holding gently onto one of his younger brother’s hands.

His younger brother looked back up at Davey again, his eyebrows furrowed, “….Were you listenin to me at all???”

Davey sighed, “Of course I was. I’m just…I’m tired, Les. So let’s just go home, ok?” He may have been a bit more snappy than usual, but at least the part about being tired was true.

Les seemed to quiet down at that, looking away. Great. He fucked up again, so it seemed. With his own brother, no less. This was…fine. He’d be fine.

He had to do this.

____________________________________________

A week had passed. Or maybe two. Davey wasn’t too sure about the days or times, lately.

His gaze was more tired than usual, since it had been yet another sleepless night. All of the newsies seemed to be on high alert about this fact, unfortunately.

Avoiding them was especially difficult at this point.

However, by sheer skill, or incredibly dumb luck, he managed to duck most of them. Even Jack.

Maybe his plan was actually working now.

No matter what he did though, he still needed to pick up Les at the end of the day, who always seemed to be straggling at the Lodging, or in Jacobi’s.

He would’ve asked Sarah to pick him up today, but she was busy hanging out with Katherine today. It didn’t make much sense, since the two always ended up in the Lodging with the newsies anyways, but…Davey didn’t want her to stop having fun.

He always seemed to be the one leaving earliest nowadays, and he was…fine with that.

However, Les had a curfew, and Davey was adamant with keeping that fact as an excuse.

So that’s what he was doing now. Picking up Les for curfew. Davey tightened the tie around his neck, and tried his best to not choke on his words this time around.

He stepped inside, and was hit with warmth and familiarity. He was so tired, and the Lodging always felt like a second home. He was safe here..

Davey shook his head and sighed. He couldn’t stay as much as he wanted to. He was…the other newsies shouldn’t hang out with him. Once they found out how boring and inconvenient he actually was…they’d throw him away.

He’d been through this before, and he really didn’t want to get hurt like that again.

He began to walk through the house, searching for Les. A few newsies parted in waves when they noticed him coming. Good. This is what he wanted. He…he wanted this.

What he wanted or hypothetically didn’t want wasn’t important right now. Right now, he had to find Les.

After a few minutes of scrambling around, he did indeed find Les. However, he wasn’t really expecting Spot fucking Conlon to be with him.

Les was hanging off of Spot’s arm with a few other littles, laughing about something to do with Spot’s muscles. Davey was frozen in his tracks, especially when he saw the Leader of Brooklyn himself looking at him.

Shit.

Did he do something wrong?? Did he manage to piss off the other newsies so much that word got back to Spot?? How would word even get into Brooklyn??? Oh god, this was gonna end really badly-

Davey seemed to snap out of it when there was a hand on his shoulder. In his panic, he didn’t notice Spot ushering the littles out of the room. Including Les.

He didn’t even have an excuse out of this situation, huh?

He looked away from the Borough Leader in front of him, rocking on the balls of his feet, “….So….what are you doing out of Brooklyn, Conlon?”

Spot raised an eyebrow at that, “Are you’s gonna be the one asking me questions when you look dead on your feet?”

Davey shrugged, “I’m fine-”

“Cut the bullshit.”

He straightened up a bit at that. Huh. He was the one getting a lecture this time around. Interesting.

“Look. I may not know you’s all too well, but somethin’s up. The news of you actin strange has even gotten to the Bronx! The Bronx, Jacobs!” Spot threw up his hands a bit to exaggerate his point, “Cowboy gets all worried over you, an’ while you look like one of the undead, all you’s have to say is ‘m fine?? Jesus. Even Blink an’ York could see that’s the exact opposite from a mile away.”

Davey stayed silent for a few moments, processing everything, “…Are you finished yet?…Cause…I need to pick up my brother, Les-”

He narrowed his eyes a bit, “…Really? That’s all you have to do? What bout that tie around your neck!”

“I…I just like ties!”

“And now you’re lyin again!”

Before they could start their next round of arguing, another figure popped his head through the door, “…Could you guys be a bit quieter?…The littles are wonderin about what’s goin on-”

Davey blinked, taking a second or two to remember who the kind of blurry figure was, “…Sorry…Romeo.”

Spot rolled his eyes and scoffed, before looking back, “We’s was just getting finished with it. No worries.”

Romeo nodded a bit, sending a worried glance to Davey’s direction before heading back to the other room.

Davey sighed, but wasn’t quite off the hook yet, however.

“….Why are you’s doin this to yourself, Mouth?”

His gaze trailed back towards Spot.

“God…the bags under your eyes look miles deep. Do you’s know how worried everyone is?”

Davey continued to stay silent, and looked away again.

“…Course you’s don’t.”

And with that, Spot walked out of the room, which was truly when Davey began to feel his walls crumbling.

____________________________________________

Davey’s walls and attitude didn’t improve over the next day or two. Every day it felt like something else broke off. Usually it was from the other newsies’ worried glances, or reluctance to even brush their hands against him.

He wanted this though. That was his mantra. The whole time, this was what he was trying to achieve.

Was it worth it?

Even Les and Sarah were avoiding him. Les just ran off with Jack, and Sarah ran off with Katherine.

It was quite fitting, all things considered.

Katherine and Jack were important people. They helped the others.

And Davey?

He did nothing at all, and was left to be forgotten because of it.

Maybe that’s what he deserved, though.

He barely even went to the Lodging anymore. All comforts that were given from it were gone after Spot’s talk.

He knew Spot was right. He was right about this whole thing.

But Davey had started the domino effect, and couldn’t seem to get it to stop.

His walls of fragile dominos crashed against him, and the tie grew tighter around his neck from every breath.

____________________________________________

Davey didn’t even want to go to the Lodging today. He was too cautious of it, Les’ curfew or not. Despite his begging though, Sarah couldn’t do it tonight. She had more important people to hang out with.

It unfortunately made sense.

He reluctantly trudged along, arms wrapped protectively around his body, and tie wrapped tightly along his neck.

It was getting hard to breath and speak nowadays.

If it wasn’t true before, the Walking Mouth was now truly silent. His words had been choked out.

He…wanted this.

Davey found it hard to open the doors. They were heavy enough, but the extra weight of everything added onto it. He swallowed dryly before pushing it open.

Behind it, he didn’t find Les. Actually, he didn’t see Les at all standing in the crowd in front of him. Instead, he just found a whole lot of newsies, all in various worried states.

He raised an eyebrow, before remembering that he had stuff to do, “…What are you guys…where’s…where’s Les?…” Davey winced at the sound of his own voice. He hadn’t really used it in the past few days, and the tie only helped it sound more like a helpless croak. Great.

Jack seemed to step forward, Spot behind him, “…Dave. We’s….Les ain’t here right now.”

“…What?….Then why am I…where is he?” Davey was utterly confused, and more than a little tired.

That’s when Spot spoke up, “Sarah picked him up. With Kath.”

“….This…I…what the hell-” He backed up a bit, looking away, “Why am I here then?”

“Davey…” Jack’s voice was soft, but it still made the Mouth flinch, “You…you haven’t been ok..”

“….Is this…no I'm….I’m fine-”

“I told you before Jacobs. That’s bullshit.” Spot glared at him, but he was obviously still worried, “Look at this. We’s all showed up, cause we care bout you. And you’s haven’t been ok, or dandy, or whatever you’s are sayin.”

Davey’s grip tightened around himself, “This is…this is stupid, if there’s nothing important you have to say, then I’m just going to-” He suddenly froze, eyes wide.

The other newsies seemed to freeze too. Why exactly?

Because Smalls, one of the youngest newsies there, couldn’t take it anymore. As such, they broke free from the crowd, and ran forward in order to hug Davey.

The horde of kids collectively held their breath, waiting to see what happened next. It was so quiet, that for once, you could hear a pin drop.

The final wall seemed to crumble from Davey’s grip, and he began shaking. He loosely wrapped his arms around Smalls, and without being able to help it, tears started to drip from his cheeks.

Many of the others were alarmed, but out came Crutchie from the crowd. He gently and slowly placed a hand on Davey’s cheek, wiping away a few tears. He tilted his head a bit in order to ask if he could join in the hug.

And without any hesitation, the Walking Mouth nodded.

That seemed to set off some kind of spark. Jack placed his hand on the back of Davey’s neck, and joined in. Spot did the same, except with his shoulder. Race, while chewing on his cigar, placed his hand on Davey’s other shoulder. Slowly but surely, the whole mass of newsies seemed to join the hug through gentle and easy touches

Davey’s sniffling came to an eventual stop, and the apologies and muddled explanations started to pour out. The Mouth was talking again, and the tie was loosened.

Jack, who was resting his head on the back of Davey’s neck, spoke up, “You don’t gotta explain yourself, Davey…”

Crutchie smiled softly, resting himself on Davey’s chest, “…Yeah…it’s…it’s gonna be ok.”

Spot gently brushed his shoulders, “…While standin here is great an’ all…you look in need of an actual nap-”

Race nudged Davey with his elbow, “Yeah. In an actual bed-”

The group seemed to ease up more at that, and in their own pace, somehow made their way upstairs.

Davey was lying in the middle of a bunk. He wasn’t sure who’s it was, but that didn’t matter right now. Spot, Crutchie, Race, and Jack surrounded his closest sides, and the others sprawled around them.

Most were asleep right now, but Davey…was still scared. He could mess it all up again. What if the others were just..

A soft snore from Jack’s direction luckily interrupted his thoughts, and his mind settled.

…These were the newsies he was talking about. They…were family.

No matter how important Davey regarded himself, the others always seemed to think he was something special.

They all thought that of each other.

With that, Davey loosened his tie, and threw it to the other side of the room. With the soothing symphony of noises from the people who cared around him, he easily fell asleep. Maybe everything wasn’t automatically alright or fixed forever…but…he’d be all right with his friends…no, his family by his side.

Tag List: @orollyitsracetrackhiggins @amostauspiciousmanner @albert-eats-cookie-cake @sure-as-a-star @im-alone-but-i-aint-lonely @newsies-more-like-gaysies @sweeps-of-london @richie-rambling

[heartsunholy-a]

🎰 (I'm Required)

randomly generated dynamics // accepting // @voiceofmany

So uh. I doubled up because I started generating an extra few and then went fuck it, let’s do ten, my wife deserves all the ships.

1. Ramona Flowers and Giselle Legume

Okay so, Giselle never gets enough love and she’d probably think Ramona is too cool to even look at her but they’ve got a lot of potential. Firstly, aro-spec vs. ace-spec. Always fun for a dynamic. And Ramona has this way of attracting outcasts and people on the fringes and Giselle is definitely a bit of a loner. Idk about specifics but I’m into it! Unsurprising, I’m into all of our ships but, I digress.

2. Roger Davies and Katherine Plumber

Oh man….Oh Dove, Kath would absolutely eat Roger alive. I can never truly decide if Kath is a Ravenclaw with Slytherin tendencies or vice versa but either way, she’d be this sort of untouchable, dream goal for our sweet boy and it would be a long, painful road for either of them to truly be happy with each other. But this could be, if nothing else, a fascinating friendship. (But…….cmon, I know us, we’ll ship anything.)

3. Robbie Windsor and Gianfranco “Frankie” Kowaski

Grazi’s off pouting somewhere, smh. But honestly Frankie deserves to be sugared just as much as Grazi does and Robbie deserves more boyfriends. Plus, Frankie is better at expressing himself than Grazi so they’d be able to communicate a little more effectively, lmao.

4. Basil Krause and Wednesday Addams

Oh, we love a sunshine/rain cloud ship. I don’t have fully fleshed out adult verses for Wednesday yet but just the sheer difference in dynamics is golden. And honestly? Weds gravitates towards nerds and people on the fringes so this could be a lot of fun.

4.5 Jack Kelly and Katherine Plumber

I don’t do the same muse twice in one of these memes but shout out to Jatherine for being adorable.

5. Percy Weasley and Juliet Capulet

Honestly, Juliet and Percy could be really fun? A lot more like Percy and Penelope than Percy and Harriet. Juliet often finds herself opening up to people intellectually far easier than anything else? It’d probably be a lot of mixed signals, a lot of confusing feelings, and a lot of slow burn.

6. Wallace Wells and Oliver “Mush” Meyers

I cry, please, this is so good. Wallace is just so unashamedly sarcastic and playful and Mush would adore that? And draw a lot of inspiration and courage from that? Not that Mush hides his personality, he’s just so used to being likable and so sometimes, he sugarcoats his feelings while Wallace absolutely does not.

7. Angelina Johnson and Sara Lance

BI QUIDDITCH LADIES, BI QUIDDITCH LADIES. I haven’t done anything with Sara’s HP verse on this blog, all her info is on her old solo blog. But she’s the other beater on the Slytherin team (presuming she’s on the team with Harriet) so 1. house rivalries, and 2. bi quidditch ladies. Angie deserves a girlfriend and Sara deserves more girlfriends.

8. Miguel Ferrera and Megara Olympia

I don’t have a solid modern verse for Meg yet but I think they’d be really interesting to bounce over each other? Meg’s so sarcastic and teasing, they’d have a lot of fun flirting and dancing around anything serious. Maybe Hades is some sort of crime boss that Meg’s been blackmailed into working for and Miguel helps her get out? Who knows, I just know I’m kind of into it.

9. Vishnal Naidu and Veronica Lodge

Butler and rich girl! Hell yeah! They could be a lot of fun because Vishnal just seems so utterly baby that Veronica has to take him under her wing and teach him, even while he’s technically supposed to be serving her. Good shit.

9.5 Jack Harkness and Harriet Hook

The generator says we did a good job, throwing Harriet and Jack, lmao

9.6 Benjamin “Racetrack” Higgins and Albert Dasilva

The universe decrees we need more ralbert, apparently

10. Calvin Sakda and Allegra D’Angelo

Okay so, I’m kind of stealing this from her ship with my friend’s muse but please consider: Calvin is like forever traveling but there’s this one radio show - or, more likely, probably a podcast - that he listens to a lot. And he’s really into it, finds comfort in it, probably considers the host a real friend, even though they’ve never met. And now imagine them meeting, somehow. Idk! But I’m into it! Allegra needs more ships tbh

[livesincerely]

crash and crave you

Or, the drunk Davey fic. Also on Ao3

00000

Jack’s hauling all six feet and change of Davey’s deadweight back to his car, trying to cram his lanky, drunken, noodle limbs into the passenger seat—Jesus Christ, he really is all leg, ain’t he?—when Davey kisses him.

Jack freezes. Goes perfectly still, frozen in place, as panic pierces his chest like a shot to the heart.

Because Davey is drunk, drunker than drunk, really, his mouth warm and a little sloppy against his own. He clings to Jack like a second skin, every inch of him soft and pliable, and he tastes like salt and tequila and that last round of fireball shots Racetrack ordered for the table.

He tastes like everything Jack’s ever wanted and nothing he’s allowed to have.

Davey makes low, unhappy noise in the back of his throat, then loops clumsy arms around Jack’s neck and tugs him closer: stubborn, insistent, and drunk, so fucking drunk, because Jack knows better than to think he’d ever do this sober.

But he smells so good—like his coconut conditioner and the fancy fabric softener he insists on and Davey—and his body fits so perfectly against his own and he’s kissing Jack like he wants him. Right here in the parking lot, half in and half out of the passenger seat of Jack’s car, with nothing but the buzzing street lamps overhead to notice Jack’s heart cracking into pieces with every second that passes.

Davey sighs against his lips, his fingers curling gently around the nape of his neck as he tries to deepen the kiss, and Jack knows better.

He knows he shouldn’t. Knows it’s a mistake. Knows that Davey—clever, gorgeous, wonderful Davey—probably won’t remember this in the morning, and Jack will never, not ever forget.

But he’s only human. He’s just a man, hopelessly in love with his best friend.

And for just a moment, he kisses him back.

Tilts his head and licks at the seam of Davey’s lips until they part, sucks his lip between his teeth and tangles their tongues together. Flattens his palm over the small of his back, braces his forearm against the car frame and lets himself exist, just this once, in a world where he’s allowed to have Davey somewhere besides his imagination.

Davey sinks sweetly into the kiss: eager and trusting and everything, he’s fucking everything and—

And—

Jack forces himself to pull away. Davey looks up at him with big, blue pleading eyes, his mouth wet and red and perfect, and fuck, Jack’s never gonna come back from this.

“Why’d you stop?” Davey mumbles, a swirly curl of hair falling over his forehead. His cheeks are pink from the rasp of Jack’s stubble. “You don’t want to kiss me?”

“Dave, I…“ 

What can he say? What can he possibly say?

He needs to apologize, needs to beg for forgiveness because Davey might be drunk off his ass but Jack absolutely is not, nursed a single beer the entire night, so there’s no excuse to fall back on. 

There’s no excuse for this.

Davey pats him on the shoulder with all the coordination of a wet mop head.

“‘S okay,” he says, almost kindly, flopping back against the passenger seat. “I don’t want to kiss you either.”

Jack’s pretty sure a baseball bat to the back of the head would’ve hurt less.

He wants to stumble away as quickly as he can, wants to see if Kath and Sarah are still out front waiting for their Uber. Maybe they’ll take Davey home instead if he asks really, really nicely and hurries away before they can ask him any questions.

Instead he sucks in a shaky breath. Carefully reaches around Davey’s waist to buckle in his seatbelt for him.

“There’s this guy,” Davey continues, hushed like he’s sharing a secret. “I wanna kiss him all— all the time. He’s handsome and funny and way, way smarter than he gives himself credit for and— and he’s just the best, you know?”

Jack does not know. Jack would rather be force-fed his own liver than know any of this.

He starts manually lifting Davey’s legs into the footwells. Tucks his feet in so they won’t block the car door.

“His name’s Jack.”

Jack stops. Freezes with his hand still wrapped around one of Davey’s ankles. Wonders, for just a second, if maybe someone did hit him over the head, actually, because—

Because the last ten minutes have been a fucking rollercoaster and he might have the world’s first genuine case of emotional whiplash, but—

His name is Jack.

…His name is Jack, right?

“Dave,” Jack starts uncertainly, but the rest of the sentence goes nowhere. Because Davey can’t possibly mean what Jack thinks he means. What he hopes beyond hope he means.

”Do you know Jack?” Davey asks, blinking up at him guilelessly.

”Uh...”

“You probably do,” he decides. “Feels like we can’t go anywhere without bumping into Jack’s neighbor’s girlfriend’s pizza delivery guy or whatever. He���s the kinda guy that knows everyone, and everyone wants to know him. But they don’t,” Davey informs him, very seriously. “Not like I do.”

“Nah,” Jack says, very softly. “No one knows ‘im like you do.”

Davey perks up. “So, you do know him!”

Jack huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve seen him around.”

”Then you know,” Davey says, with what might be an attempt at a decisive nod, but comes out as more of a wobbly, bobble-head kind of motion. Jack’s so in love with him it hurts.

”Know what, Dave?”

“How wonderful he is!” Davey enthuses. 

“I dunno ‘bout all that,” Jack murmurs.

Davey frowns: a huge, exaggerated expression that makes his forehead wrinkle adorably. “What do you mean?”

”I just…” Jack shakes his head. “What makes him any different from all the other dickheads in this city?”

Pure outrage. ”He’s not a dickhead!”

Jack lifts a brow.

“Maybe he’s a little bit of a dickhead,” Davey admits. “But not, like, a total, complete, fuck-off-forever-type , dickhead. Just like a normal amount of dickheadish-ness.”

”Oh, just the normal amount, huh?” Jack wonders, and he can feel himself smiling, just absolutely cheesing from ear to ear, unable to help himself.

”Well, nobody’s perfect,” Davey says. “But sometimes I think he’s close.”

“Well, I got it on good authority that he thinks the same thing about you,” Jack says.

“He’s my best friend,” Davey continues. “He’s— meeting him was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Because, before Jack, I was just going through the motions, you know? Just keeping my head down and trying to get through each day, and it sucked, but that’s how it goes, right? And I probably would’ve kept on like that for the rest of my life, but…”

Davey pauses, fighting to piece together his thoughts through the drunken haze. Jack’s hanging, breathless, on his every word.

“Jack’s really charming,” he eventually decides. “Larger than life. He’s got this way of looking at you and seeing you—really seeing you—no matter how hard you try to hide it. And he tries to play it off like it’s nothing, says it’s just that you can’t bullshit a bullshitter or whatever, but it’s really because he cares. Cares so much about every single person in his life, pulls them into his orbit and never lets them go, and you find new ways to believe in yourself because of how much he believes in you.”

Jesus Christ. No wonder Jack’s head over heels for him.

Davey tilts his head, then finishes, devastatingly, with: “I don’t think I knew how to dream until I met Jack.”

“He didn’t know how to plant roots and stay until he met you,” Jack confesses, reaching up to carefully brush a piece of hair out of Davey’s eyes.

Davey tracks the movement until he goes cross-eyed with it, then his mouth scrunches up into a pout.

”Where is Jack?” he asks—almost a whine—completely oblivious to havoc he’s wrought. “He’s supposed to be here.”

“I’m, uh, sure he’s around here somewhere,” Jack answers as steadily as he can. It feels like his chest’s been cracked open, all the softest parts of him spilling out through his fingers, but for once, he doesn’t mind.

”Can you go get him?” Davey asks, tugging at his shirtsleeve. “I wanna— Everything’s better when Jack’s around.”

…Would it be awful if Jack kissed him again? Because he really wants to kiss him again.

“I don’t think Jack would be okay with me leavin’ you by yourself when you’re this out of it,” Jack says instead, which would be true even if he weren’t talking about himself in the third person. “How ‘bout we wait for him to meet us out here, yeah? ‘M sure he won’t be long.”

“Feels like it’s been forever,” Davey grumbles. “I miss him.”

A thought visibly occurs to him then, the alcohol in his system slowing him down enough that Jack can track each individual change in his expression. 

With huge, watery eyes, he asks, “Did he leave without me?”

“What? Of course he didn’t.”

“I thought he was gonna— He said he’d drive me home,” Davey continues, like the thought of anything else is unfathomable. “Isn’t he gonna drive me home?” 

”He’s still gonna drive ya home,” Jack assures him. “Don't worry, he’s not goin’ anywhere without’cha.”

“But—“

“Hey, this is his car, ain’t it?” Jack soothes. “So, if his car’s still here, he’s still here, right?”

Davey looks all around himself, as if only just now realizing that he’s buckled into the passenger side of Jack’s suv. 

“This is Jack’s car,” he says slowly, tracing his fingers over the center console in bewilderment. “Why do you have the keys to Jack’s car?”

Now or never.

“Davey,” he says. “Do you know who I am?”

Davey stares at him. There’s not a lick of recognition in his gaze.

“No…” he says slowly. “Are you one of Jack’s friends?”

“Would Jack pawn you off on someone you didn’t know? Wouldn't he walk you out himself? Make sure you’re safe?”

“I don’t know,” Davey says, squinting at him. “Maybe you’re really trustworthy? You’ve got a trustworthy sort of face.”

Jack laughs—he can’t help it—and Davey's expression brightens. He leans forward, reaching out to pat at Jack’s face like his smile is the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen.

“You know, Jack has a scar right here,” he says, grabbing clumsily at his chin. “He got scared by a raccoon crawling out of a dumpster and fell on his ass. It was hilarious.”

“Hey! You promised to never bring it up again!”

“No, I promised Jack I wouldn’t…” He trails off then, frowning deeply.

“Davey. Look at me.” Jack cups a hand around his cheek, tilts his head up to meet his eyes. “Who am I?”

Davey blinks at him. Ponders for a few, long seconds. 

“…You look a lot like Jack,” he says, very hesitantly.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Jack murmurs, so fond of him he could burst with it. “That’s because I am Jack.”

Another few seconds for that information to land. Some more slow, fluttery blinks. Then Davey’s entire face lights up, more dazzling than sunlight.

“Jack!” he says, overjoyed, throwing his arms around his shoulders. “Where have you been?”

“‘M right here,” Jack says, holding him close. “I’m right here with ya, Dave.”

“I miss you when you’re gone,” Davey says, and his breath is warm against Jack’s throat, his head nestled safely in the crook of his neck. “Don’t go away any more.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jack promises.

[spraceandfreshair]

Coffee Shop Romances (sprace)

The morning sun was just beginning to rise as Spot made his way into the coffee shop he worked at, the opening shift baristas were all busy preparing for the morning rush that was bound to come within the hour. Spot walked into the back room, hanging his coat on a hook and digging his apron out of his bag, he had gotten up late and didn’t have time to do much but get dressed and brush his teeth before running out the door so he felt disoriented and tired. It was gonna take a lot of espresso to wake him up. Spot clocked in and set about making himself a highly caffeinated and sugary beverage, his fellow shift lead, who everyone called Hotshot -because he can just drink a fucking freshly poured espresso shot without flinching and that shit is hot as hell- came over and talked him through the day and schedule, “Davey will be coming in for mid shift and I think Jack is closing” Hotshot explained, “great, at least I’ll be gone before night shift, I don’t think I can take another shift filled with their weird sexual tension” Spot jokes, he’s pretty convinced that the two were seeing each other but desperately trying to keep it a secret from their boss so that neither of them would have to transfer stores. Spot got on with most of his co-workers just fine, at least the morning shift gang was pretty great.

Spot was put on bar for most of the morning, along with Rafaela, she focused on cold drinks and he made the hot ones. They worked together in perfect harmony until peak ended. Spot had just started running cleaning cycles on the first espresso bar when he saw them enter the store, two young men around Spot’s age. One with fiery red hair tucked under a SnapBack, and the other with soft blond curls that fell in a million directions, like he’d rolled out of bed and hadn’t bothered to fix his hair. Spot watches them as they stand in line, he almost forgets that he’s making a drink for drive thru, he can hear Romeo speaking to him through the headset “earth to Spot, I need that Macchiato!” Spot quickly comes to his senses and finishes the drink, handing it off to Romeo who’s flirting with the people waiting at the window.

Spot kept his attention mainly on the blond boy, there was something about him that made Spot wanna get to know him, maybe it was the way he smirked at his friend (Spot hoped it was just his friend) as he ordered both their coffees, or the way his blue eyes sparkled when he said thank you when Spot handed him his coffee. Whatever it was Spot knew he had to get to know this guy.

****

The next day went about the same as the day before, Spot got to work shortly before peak started and helped finish getting everything ready for the rush of angry people headed to work that needed their morning latte. Katherine was opening with him today, she was their new assistant manager, Spot liked her okay.

“Spot, I’m leaving the sampling to you today. We need to get our customer connections score up so please be friendly” Kath told him, writing down the assignment in the play book, Spot groaned internally but nodded, peak had ended about an hour ago so things had slowed down. Spot couldn’t help but think of the blond guy from the day before, he hoped he’d come in again. Spot set about making sample sized mochas and cutting a scone into tiny pieces to hand out to customers.

Spot had just about finished with the sampling when he notices the guys from yesterday seated at a table in the corner, he made his way over to them. “Hi, would either of you like to try our mocha and or a scone?” Both boys looked up at him, red haired boy nodded and grabbed the last scone and a tiny mocha, the blond boy smiled and took the other mocha, “what’s your name?” Blond boy asked, “I’m Spot, at least that’s what everyone calls me, and you are?”

“I’m Race. Middle School nickname that stuck, why do they call you Spot?”

Spot moved the sample tray so he held it in his arm against his side, and pushed up his right shirt sleeve, exposing the vitiligo that made lighter spots of skin all up and down his arm, “kids were mean but the name stuck...why do they call you Race?” Race shrugs “I could run fast.”

***

Over the next two weeks Spot saw more and more of Race and his friend Albert (he’d been introduced to the red haired boy after the second or third encounter)

Spot just couldn’t figure out how to ask Race if he wanted to go out with him, he still wasn’t sure if Race and Albert were very close friends or boyfriends and it felt rude to ask, so Spot stuck to making Race his insanely caffeinated espresso drink and making small talk. Race on the other hand was pining hard, and made sure whenever he and Albert studied together they went to the coffee shop. Race would go out of his way to complement Spot, calling me cute pet names which Spot would roll his eyes at but Race loved how flustered it made him, so he continued.

Pretty soon everyone at the shop knew what was up with Spot and their new regular who only stayed to hang out if Spot was working, everyone on morning shift was rooting for them, but neither boy was quite ready to take that next step and actually ask the other out.

Until one morning...

“Oh Spotty! Your boyfriend’s here!” Romeo had yelled it so everyone in the cafe could hear, Spot resisted the urge to punch the kid in the face, knowing it was a joke, but still. Spot moved over to the register, surprised to see Race alone, normally he and Albert were attached at the hip. “Hey Racer, your usual today?” Spot asked, “yes, and also your number” Spot looked up from the registers screen to look at the boy in front of him, who was wearing his signature smirk, “I mean, since according to Romeo we’re boyfriends, I should probably have your number.” Race laughed nervously, scratching at the back of his neck. “gimme your arm” Spot said, and Race did, Spot took a sharpie out of his apron pocket and scrawled his phone number onto Races forearm, “if you wanna grab a drink or something you can text me, just don’t ask for free coffee” Spot said with a wink. And went to fix Race’s drink.

****

Months after they’d started dating Race was still one of the shops regulars. Spot would write stupid sappy notes on his coffee cup and then cover them with the sleeve so no one but Race knew, and Race would read them and smile and send Spot a text telling him he’s “a real sap” and Spot would reply “only for you babe”

[violetwolfraven]

41 for javid would work so perfectly ahfkfjxhsga and/or 34, whichever one u want 🥺🥺🥺

I was scared to come out and ask you out because I didn’t know our entire friend group was gay but I definitely know now???

and

We broke up but I found the letters you wrote me before that and I still love you so wanna get back together? (did I copy this from one specific fic I read? Possibly.)

Ok! Buckle in your seatbelts, y’all! This is gonna be a MASSIVELY LONG THING! Also @61-flaming-sour-cherry-scones I love your url. Just getting that out there. Modern AU, btw. Also does this end in December, 2019, conveniently avoiding COVID? Possibly! :)

...

Jack didn’t mean to find that box, but in his defense, it was not hidden well. Just in the back of his closet, which he hadn’t cleaned out since... damn. Since the breakup.

And Jack was fine with said breakup, by the way. Him and Davey weren’t right together anymore.

And Jack didn’t smile less, or work himself harder as a distraction, or whatever bullshit his brothers, mom, and all his friends said.

If Davey never texted first anymore, or barely even talked when friends asked him to hang out or whatever, that was none of Jack’s business.

Jack had texted Davey exactly once since the breakup, because Elmer had told him that he had an anxiety attack in a bar, which he was only there in the first place because he was designated driver.

Davey had said he was fine, and that meant he was, right?

Davey had not mentioned anything about leaving a shoebox in Jack’s closet. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t mentioned it, ever.

Did it sting that Jack’s ex had kept a secret box of... something? from him? Maybe. Whatever the case, Jack was curious by nature, and he was definitely opening the box.

It was... letters? Sealed letters in envelopes, the earliest one on the very top, in one corner of the box. The only thing written on it was a date; September 7th, 2011.

That would be... 8th grade? Probably the first day of school? Jack was super confused. Still, he opened the letter.

Dear Jack Kelly,

I know this is terrible and corny and I’m probably going to shred this letter with the pocket knife Sarah got for our last birthday, but I had to write it down somewhere.

I think I’m gay. Specifically, gay for you. And I know that’s weird, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re like the living personification of the moon. (Not the sun. I’ve never understood why people compare their crush to the sun. Nobody likes looking directly at that.) You saw me sitting alone before school and you took me in. I mean it. You brought me over to your friend group and said I was a new kid who was going to be your friend now, and the whole group just adopted me without questioning it. All of you are so nice. At first I thought it was a trick, but then I saw you comforting Blink when he had a panic attack. (Also, I’m still getting used to the nickname thing. That’s still weird and I’m not sure how I feel about the one you gave me.) You were so gentle with him, Jack. You knew exactly how to calm him down and you were so patient with him while you helped Mush drive the fear away. I didn’t think boys our age knew how to be like that. I do now, because of you. Well, and because of Race being, well, Race. I don’t think anyone could mistake him for a bully. Or Crutchie. Or Romeo. Heck, most of your group is just so nice I can barely believe it. I think I’ll bring Saz to meet you tomorrow. She already made a friend, but she said that this girl, Katherine, said she already knows you. Maybe we can all be friends.

I really wish we could be more, but I know that would never work. I can’t tell anyone I’m gay. You’d think I’m a freak. But since you’ll never read this, I can admit it here: I have a massive crush on you, Jack Kelly.

Sincerely, David Davey

Jack was not going to let himself cry about a letter written in 8th fucking grade. He was, however, very confused about why it was in his closet.

A letter from before Davey was out of the closet found in the closet. If Jack wasn’t so goddamn depressed, he would appreciate the irony.

The next letter was dated: September 24th, 2011.

Dear Jack,

We’re all friends now. Gotta say, I already can’t imagine my life without you and the other guys. And maybe I didn’t meet Kath that first day, but she’s probably my best friend, besides you, of course. She’s the only other one with brain cells, besides maybe Specs. Us three had to talk you and the others out of riding a shopping cart Albert stole from Walmart down a hill yesterday. Honestly, would it kill you to be a little smarter? I know for a fact you can be, Jack Kelly. You and the others actually have a fair amount of brain cells each when apart. It’s only when the only group gets together that you all do stupid stuff.

I didn’t shred the first letter. I think maybe I’ll keep these and we can look back someday and laugh about me having a crush on you in middle school. Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to get over it before it ruins our friendship.

I honestly don’t see how I’d survive losing you, Jack. So, please, do me a favor and keep being oblivious to how I really feel about you until I digest those butterflies you give me.

Sincerely, Davey

Damn. Reading that was like a punch to the chest and Jack had to take a deep breath before moving on to the next letter.

The next few were just mundane stuff. Little notes on how Jack laughed or interacted with certain friends or whatever. The way he painted each friend something little for the holidays and how they all had a picnic potluck for Thanksgiving.

Then he got to one that was different: January 22nd, 2012. It was written in a panicked, hurried script.

Oh, damn. Jack remembered what this was about. What happened January of 8th grade.

Dear Jack,

Something’s wrong. You’re on my couch right now, crying. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re trying to put on a brave face for Les and failing miserably. Medda didn’t have time to say much when she dropped you, Crutchie, Race, and Romeo off, so all I really know is that Blink is in the hospital and she’s gonna pick up Mush before going to see him. Crutchie is trying to comfort you, by the way, but he’s crying nearly as much as you are. Race and Ro are in shock, I think. They haven’t said much. Sarah’s making them hot cocoa. I’m in my room, writing this really quick because I don’t know what I can do. You’re so good at comforting people, but I don’t know how. I wish I knew how you did it. I think I’ll go try one of the things I’ve seen you do with panic attacks. It’s got to be better than nothing.

The rest was calmer, clearly written later.

It turns out Blink is in the hospital because his dad put him there. And he wouldn’t be alive at all if he didn’t call Mush in a panic right when he heard him get home. Mush called the cops and they barely got there in time. Blink was already half-dead when they did, but they managed to keep him alive long enough to get an ambulance. God, I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if they’d been just a little bit slower.

Medda called you a couple hours ago to let us all know that Blink is in bad shape, but he’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna try to file for custody of him, but Mush’s mom is gonna try, too, just to give him twice as much chance of staying with us. His dad is in jail, but you and me agree that he deserves to die for what he did. In the selfie Blink made Mush send the group chat, there was more bandage visible on his face than skin. It made me so damn angry, but I didn’t show it because you were so angry you almost punched a hole in my wall.

I’ve made a decision, Jack. I can’t be separate from the group anymore. I always hang with Kath off to the side where we can intervene as the voices of reason if needed, but I’m not going to do that anymore, because I. can. not. do this again. I want our friends to trust me like they trust you so maybe if one of them is in a house with a dad that would beat them within an inch of their life, they’ll tell me and I can get them out.

I guess that means I’ll have to get better at lying. I’ve been staying separate mostly to hide my crush. And I think I’m pretty good at that, but being right at the center of things, with you? I’ll have to be careful to make sure no one notices. Especially not you. I hope I can pull it off.

You definitely aren’t making it easy on me, are you? You’re passed out in my bed, for heaven’s sake. But it’s fine. This is fine. I’m fine.

Sincerely, Davey

Jack remembered that night as one of the worst of his life. He’d thought Blink was dead by how Mush sounded when he called. And even though it turned out he wasn’t, he was going to be okay even if he lost an eye, after Jack’s childhood, he’d always hated when he couldn’t protect the people he loved.

Davey had been the one to reach him in that bad place he fell back to, the one where people he loved, kids he considered his little brothers, were getting hurt. Davey had pulled him out of there, and though it would take Jack months to realize it, that was the day he started to fall in love with him.

The next Monday, though, Jack had tried to give him space. Knowing how intimidating it all had to seem, he wasn’t sure if Davey would bail on them.

But he didn’t. Jack had never stopped appreciating how Davey had seen the darkness under the innocent, normal friendship and stayed anyway.

The next few letters were mostly a lot of pining on Davey’s side as he struggled to integrate himself more deeply into the group.

Jack still remembered that shift, how once Davey earned the others’ trust, Jack had gone from being the only one everyone was relying on to half of a pair that a lot of their friends had jokingly called ‘mom and dad.’

It was kind of sad, knowing that for most of them, Jack and Davey gave them more love and attention than their actual parents did, but the two of them would have to do—and they had. For a long time, the two of them were an unstoppable duo of hugs and snacks and homework help.

The letter from June 15th, 2012, had weird spots on it, almost like... almost like tear-marks. It was shorter than the previous ones.

Dear Jack,

Saz just came bouncing into my room to announce that she’s going with you to the Eighth Grade Dance.

I don’t know why I’m sad about it. I knew you and me would never be a thing.

But it still hurts, Jackie. It hurts so much.

I’m going with the rest of the group, just as friends. No one has dates except you, and I think maybe Romeo.

Jack knew for a fact that Blink and Mush had gone together because he remembered accidentally walking in on their first kiss, but apparently, Davey hadn’t known that.

Les is knocking on my door, so I’m gonna have to drop my math textbook on the floor really loudly so I can tell him I’m crying because I fell.

Sincerely, Davey

There wasn’t another letter until 4 months later, Octobe 16th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

So. Something weird just happened. Saz just came into my room and said she’s not going with you to Homecoming because you’re going with Kath. I tried to comfort her, but she didn’t seem sad about it?

She asked me if I wanted to go with anyone and seemed surprised I said I didn’t. (Not like I’m telling her a part of me wishes I could go with you.) Then she mentioned that Blink and Mush are going together, and I don’t see why she cares because if you don’t have a date why not go with a friend, right? Why do girls have to be so confusing?

Sincerely, Davey

Oh. Oh, God.

By the beginning of freshman year, Blink and Mush hadn’t been the only gay couple in their friend group.

Albert and Finch had gotten together over the summer, and so had Smalls and Sniper.

Romeo and Specs were in the ‘flirting terribly’ phase, and though Jack didn’t know it at the time, Race was already sneaking around with Spot by that point.

Ike had asked Hotshot to that Homecoming, though they wouldn’t officially become boyfriends until almost a year later, Buttons and Elmer became official at that dance, and Jojo and Mike had that falling out because of misread signals towards the end of it.

Hell, Jack only went to that dance with Kath because she couldn’t let her parents know she was actually going with Saz.

Homecoming freshman year was... eventful, to say the least.

And Davey had known exactly none of this. That... explained a lot.

Being only freshmen, none of the couples were exactly casual in their relationships. They didn’t kiss in front of people, and a few were too embarrassed to so much as sit next to each other at lunch. With the ones who weren’t embarrassed, it still honestly wasn’t much more than the affection they all already showed among friends.

God, if Jack had known how scared Davey was to come out, as he said in the next few letters, he would have... what? Told him he loved him right then and there? Probably not, but he would have done something differently.

The next really significant letter was dated December 11th 12th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

I have no idea what to think.

I’m in the bathroom right now, and it’s just after midnight on 12/12/12. You and your brothers threw a party in case the world ended with the whole friend group. It was kind of like a New Year’s party, but with a lot more cynical talk about the coming apocalypse and bet placing on what said apocalypse would be. Towards the end, we all got caught up in the drama and sleep-deprivation and started giving speeches about how much we loved each other. It was cringy, but in a good way? I’m sure we’ll laugh about it someday.

Or maybe we won’t. Because I have no idea what to think anymore.

Oh, shit. This was the part Jack was kind of dreading reading.

I’ve been terrified to come out because I thought I’d get kicked out of the group if you guys knew I was gay.

Which was why it was such a shock when the countdown to midnight ended and half my friends kissed friends of the same gender.

Jack remembered yelling at them to break it up. He’d been so busy being exasperated with his kids that he hadn’t even noticed Davey had slipped away until Crutchie pointed it out.

It was quick, so I don’t think I could name all the pairs if I tried, but I definitely saw Sarah kiss Kath, which, honestly, explains a lot.

I can’t help but wonder... Why didn’t anyone tell me? How long has this been going on? Has it been since the beginning and I was just too oblivious to see it?

Oh my God. Now that I’m looking for it, I can’t stop seeing it. The way Blink is defensive and angry all the time and he’s soft for Mush. The way Sarah hates spending time on her hair and she’ll sit for hours letting Kath try out styles on her. The way Buttons and Elmer just do little things for each other every day. None of them are subtle and I am an idiot.

Jack had to laugh at that.

Does this mean I should come out, too? I know now no one would judge me for it, but... I don’t want to mess things up. I love our friends, and I don’t want to lose them. If I lost them, now, it would be because I like you, specifically. Would you be disgusted with me if I told you?

“No,” Jack whispered, before remembering that this was 14-year-old Davey, and he wasn’t here.

I like to think you wouldn’t be, but I can’t risk it. If I lose you, I lose all of them. And if I have doubts about if I could live through losing you, I definitely can’t survive losing everyone. I love them all so much. I love you.

Jack sucked in a breath. As far as he knew, this was the first time Davey had ever said anywhere that he loved Jack.

But I can’t tell you that. So if I come out, it definitely won’t be by saying who I like.

Love, Davey

Jack totally wasn’t crying as he reached for the next letter. It was just current events, random stuff. There were certainly a lot of letters, weren’t there? Davey had documented everything, from Jack attempting to teach him to draw, to the time they both auditioned for the school play, to that time they had to talk Jojo off a ledge when he realized he loved Mike. That one was short but bad. (Honestly, Jack still hated Jojo’s super religious parents for that. Fuck Jojo’s parents.)

Davey did come out in a letter from almost six months later, but it wasn’t until Homecoming sophomore year that things started getting really interesting.

Dear Jack,

I honestly might never talk to you again outside these letters. Sarah’s banging on my door telling me to, and I’m quoting her here, “open the fuck up, David Jacobs.” Mom’s yelling back at her to watch her language. They’re now having a screamed bitching match in the hallway.

Long story short, we were at Homecoming and you asked me to dance. My brain kind of short-circuited, but I said yes right as a slow song came on. Shockingly, you didn’t seem to mind, and you danced with me to Photograph by Ed Sheeran.

Oh, God, Jack remembered that song. It had been their song. He still couldn’t listen to it anymore.

You were singing along to it and smiling at me. It was really sweet, and it was kind of my dream, to be honest, and I guess I lost all control of my body for a second because I kissed you during the last chorus and I didn’t stop kissing you until the end of the song.

Jack remembered that like it was yesterday, because it was their first kiss. It was a million perfect colors exploding across Jack’s brain and feelings he could barely identify swirling into a moment more beautiful than any painting he could ever create.

Then a faster song came on and I don’t know if anyone saw, but I really hope they didn’t because if they did that means they saw what happened next. Which is: I ran away. I ran all the way to my car and drove home and locked myself in my room. Sarah came home not 5 minutes later, so I think she knows, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how I can face you after this. In hindsight I think you were kissing me back, and if you were that means I just ran out on you and it probably hurt when I did. If not, that’s even worse because I kissed you and you probably just didn’t pull away out of pity.

Holy shit, I think you’re here, now. I can hear you outside my door with Saz, and maybe Kath, too. She’s trying to calm her down, which, honestly, good luck, Kath. Wait. No. Shit. I guess being her girlfriend has its benefits. It’s just you, now. You’re talking really softly, but I can’t understand you through the door. This is why we enunciate, Jackie.

Jack rolled his eyes on reflex.

I’m still pretty scared, but I think I’m gonna open the door. Scratch that, I’m definitely gonna open it. If you yell at me, I’ll probably yell right back. Funny, isn’t it? How I never would have done that before meeting you? If we have a huge fight, remember that you’re the one who taught me not to censor myself. David never would have even opened that door, but Davey is your monster. Good luck. I’ve out-argued you before, Jackie, so you’ll need it.

I should stop stalling and open the damn door.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Love, Davey

Reading that last sentance, Jack froze.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Time was a bitch, because by all accounts, they were both broken-hearted, now.

Jack wiped away his tears and realized there was a little bit more writing.

P.S. I guess you get to live, Jackie, because we had a talk and you kissed me again and now we’re together. Like, boyfriends. I can’t stop smiling. It’s stupid. I’m probably not going to sleep tonight and it’s all your fault because my stomach is full of butterflies and I can’t stop thinking about how much I love you.

Jack didn’t let himself process that, going for the next letter instead.

Oh, shit. November 1st, 2013. This was going to be a bad one. Still, Jack took a deep breath and started reading.

Dear Jack,

Well, today was emotionally draining. (Halloween was fun, but what came after definitely is not.) It’s already past midnight, but it’s okay because I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. After Saz and I explained the situation, Mom and Dad agreed we should. God, said situation it makes me so angry.

Katherine’s parents kicked her out. They found out about her and Sarah, made her pack a bag, and tossed her away like she was nothing.

She’s 16. She’s a goddamn child like the rest of us. How could they do that to her? I guess it’s good she’s out of that environment, where she has to hide who she is and walk on eggshells with every conversation, but she’s on your couch right now, crying so hard she can’t even drink the tea Medda made her. Sarah and you are trying to calm her down, but I hate seeing her like this. Kath always seems kind of unshakable, like nothing anyone says will get to her. I’ve never seen her this broken. Judging by the look you’re giving me from across the room, you haven’t, either.

You think I’m making a grocery list. Medda told me to, seeing as how she’s busy helping clean out your guest room, Saz is on ‘shoulder to cry on’ duty, and I’m the only boy who lives with a girl. Kath didn’t get to pack much more than a couple of outfits and her toothbrush.

You know what? Fuck it. You and me are her parents, now. You’re good with that, right? We’re already stand-in Mom and Dad for several of our friends—what’s one more? Ha ha, you and me have so much practice already that we are going to be great parents for real one day.

Jack sucked in a breath. Real parents? As in, the two of them staying together long enough to have kids?

Wow. That is wildly inappropriate to think about when we’re literally a couple of 15-year-olds. Also, it makes me think about how Kath is technically a few months older, but whatever. I guess I should actually make that grocery list, now, and stop daydreaming about a hypothetical future while one of our kids now is sobbing across the room from me.

Love, Davey

Davey had never even told Jack he wanted kids.

Sure, they were both a little young for that, but in the future..? Jack had always been scared that he wouldn’t be a good dad, after never having a good dad, himself, but sophomore year Davey was right. He had gotten a fair amount of practice with his friends.

That night, when Kath showed up at the Larkin house, crying so hysterically the makeup from her Halloween costume was running and saying she didn’t know where else to go, Davey was the first person Jack called. Him and Sarah had shown up not fifteen minutes later, probably having been lucky not to pick up a speeding ticket (or you know, gotten arrested for underage driving without an adult) on the way.

15-year-old Davey was right. That night was the most broken Jack had ever seen Katherine. Even if it had worked out okay in the end, with Kath staying with them and being their new sister in every way but on paper, Jack still kind of wanted to throat-punch her parents.

It was... oddly comforting, to know that Davey felt the same. He hadn’t shown it back then, knowing Kath needed him calm, but... to be honest, Jack would have feared an angry Davey Jacobs more than an angry Jack Kelly. You’d get punched by an angry Jack, but an angry Davey? He was smart enough to burn down your world. Jack smirked, thinking about how lucky the Pulitzers were that Davey possessed impulse control.

Most of the rest of the letters were just Davey talking about their relationship as it evolved or recounting whatever drama happened to be going on, (with one in the middle of junior year that was basically just ‘wtf Race is secretly dating Spot Conlon???’) because as the only group of out gays in the school, a few of whom happened to be in not-so-good homes, there was always drama.

Then came the stress of senior year, SATs, and college applications. Davey and Jack had a few fights, which were all well documented here. 17-year-old Jack and Davey hadn’t known that those fights were the beginning of the end.

The letter dated June 5th, 2016 was the one that finally made Jack cry for real .

Dear Jack,

We’re fighting again. We have before, but this time, it’s actually serious.

I get that you’re going to school in Santa Fe and I’m staying in New York. What—did you expect me to follow you all the way across the country? I’m not asking you to stay, because that wouldn’t be fair of me. You’ve got dreams and a scholarship to an art school and that is great. I’m happy for you. But I’m not going with you, because why would I? I’ve got dreams, too. Did you think I would put my life on hold for you?

We can’t stay kids forever, Jackie. Growing up means things change. I thought you knew that. Our friends are spreading out across the country and most of the couples aren’t going to be in the same state. Hell, Specs is going to Harvard in Massachusetts and Romeo is moving to Hollywood to go try his luck and they’re not having problems. If your own brother can do the long-distance thing, why can’t you?

I’m scared, too. I don’t want to lose you, either. I know doing a long-distance thing won’t be easy, but when was the last time either of us gave up just because it was hard? Jackie, if I wanted something easy, I would have bailed after we almost lost Blink. My love for you aside, I didn’t because that’s. not. me. I fight for what I love. And I know you do, too, so... so fight for me. I need to know you love me enough to fight for me, Jackie.

I know you. When you want something—really want it, there is not a force in this world that can stop you from fighting for it. I love you, Jack Kelly. I’m not going to stop fighting for you, so please don’t stop fighting for me.

Love, Davey

Jack choked on a sob. He’d failed. Davey had asked him to fight for him and he failed.

Sure, he hadn’t known that Davey wanted him to fight for him, but... God, if he had...

Jack would have fought, would have walked through hell, would have done anything to keep Davey by his side.

He still loved Davey, no matter what he’d been telling himself since the breakup, and... And he needed to read the rest of these letters. Even if Davey started hating him when the fighting got really bad or wrote about what he was feeling during it.

Shit. There weren’t that many more. The remaining letters were spread out somewhere between high school graduation and when Jack and Davey broke up; a year and a half ago, and... and those would probably be the hardest ones to read

Jack waited a bit until the tears had stopped before opening the one from November 20th, 2016.

Dear Jack,

I haven’t wrote one of these in a while. College has been a bitch, but also...

You and me barely talk anymore. We text each other memes about once a week, (don’t worry. you still know exactly how to make me laugh with those dumb little shitposts.) but we don’t really talk. I can’t remember the last time we FaceTimed. I miss you, but I don’t know how to say it anymore.

I’m thinking about this because it’s Thanksgiving break. Of course, it’s good to see everyone. Kath got home this morning. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her. Elmer texted me a couple minutes ago that he’s an hour away. Of course that dumbass is driving all the way from Michigan. I’m sure we’ll both have more than enough words for him when you get back because you’re flying in tonight.

I don’t know how I feel about that. I should be excited, but... I don’t think I’ve been this nervous about anything involving you since I ran away after our first kiss. I think I preferred it last year, when we were fighting, because even when we were pissed at each other, at least we were communicating.

You remember when we were kids and you always knew exactly what to say exactly when someone needed to hear it? How you helped calm down Kath when she got kicked out, talked Jojo off a roof, and convinced Spot to tell Race he loved him? It was amazing. I never quite mastered that. I usually know what to do, just never how to voice it. But this time, I don’t even know what to do. We’re not on the same page anymore. I don’t think we’re even in the same book.

Jack took a shaky breath. He and Davey hadn’t been on the same page. And Jack definitely hadn’t known what to say to him, either. They weren’t the unstoppable duo they’d been in high school.

But... damn. Those things Davey had mentioned him doing? He couldn’t have done those alone. For all of those, he had needed Davey there, helping him. Maybe that was why it was so hard, being there for anyone since the breakup.

I hate how five years of being an unstoppable duo can be undone in only four months, and it wasn’t even by fighting. If it was a fight, we could solve it, you and me vs. the problem. But there’s no fight, no problem. It’s just you and me and the growing chasm between us.

You know what? It’s probably just the distance messing with us. We’ll be fine. We just need some time together. Thanksgiving will be good for us. And I’m flying out to Santa Fe for the winter holidays to spend it with you, so that’ll be good, too.

I’m gonna text you right now. Your flight probably won’t be leaving for another hour or so, so we can talk. Get back in rhythm.

I still don’t know what to say. I guess I’ll just ask about how hot Santa Fe is in winter and we can go from there. Here’s hoping this makes things get less awkward.

Love, Davey

Jack remembered that text conversation with Davey in the airport. He remembered how much hope it had given him, and how after Jack went back to Santa Fe when the holiday was over, how much better Davey and him had been. That Christmas/Hanukkah had been great, especially considering most of Jack’s classmates were at home and they’d had the dorm to themselves.

Of course their friends and families had known that was why Jack didn’t come home that year, and he distinctly remembered getting texts from all three of his brothers on Christmas morning asking if Davey was good in bed, but that was besides the point.

The next several letters were from their second wind, the rest of the school year. And yeah, they were hard to read, but they brought back happy memories. Even only seeing each other over breaks and computer screens, it seemed that Davey was happy, too. For a while, it had seemed that Jack could have his dreams of art school in Santa Fe and the love of his life.

Then, of course, during that summer of staying together at whichever house more often than not, they started fighting again. Over nothing. Over stupid things. Over who loaded the dishwasher wrong and who said he was going to pick Les up from his friend’s house.

Then they started fighting over big things. Over harsh words Jack never meant and judging by these letters, Davey didn’t meant, either.

August 2nd, 2017:

Dear Jack,

I fucked up. We just had a big fight, I said a bunch of things I didn’t mean, and like an idiot, I let you leave for the airport without apologizing. Now, you’re acting like your phone is already on airplane mode even though I know for a fact your flight doesn’t leave for another hour. Also, I can see that you’ve read all of my texts, you moron, so I know you’re just ignoring me.

Aw, hell, I don’t even blame you. I said some really bad things. I said you love your art more than me, and I know that’s not true. I know you’d never prioritize material things over the people you love, because Jackie, you prioritize those people who have earned your loyalty over everything, including your own mental and physical health. I know because it annoys the hell out of me, how you never give yourself a break. They’re all adults now, Jackie. They don’t need us as much anymore and you never stop acting like they do.

I shouldn’t be angry with you for that. I know with your childhood, trying to protect Crutchie, Race, and Romeo and sometimes failing, you still feel like you have to save everyone. It’s how you’re wired and I love that about you. I wouldn’t change it if I could. I just wish you’d stop running yourself into the ground to do it.

Is this it? I already feel like we’re on borrowed time, here. Sarah says she thought we were going to break up last year. Kath says she’s sure it’s not that bad. (they’re talking about it very loudly in the hallway. or maybe they’re arguing. who knows?) Les just said that my mom said nobody marries their high school sweetheart. (thanks, Mom.)

I think even if we never said it, that’s what we were both hoping for. I know you, Jackie. I’ve watched your favorite romcoms and Disney movies. I know you want the perfect fairytale relationship with the whole package of ‘and they get married and have kids and live happily ever after.’ And I want that, too. I really wanted it with you. Ugh! I still want it with you! I can’t imagine any alternate universe where I don’t want that with you!

It’s probably inappropriate to think about all that. We’re nineteen. We’re not even old enough to drink yet and we’re definitely too young for me to be thinking about marrying you.

Jack inhaled sharply. Oh, God. He was going to cry again.

But for the record... I do want to. I want everything with you and I cannot imagine any circumstance, any extreme, any bad breakup where I stop wanting that.

Just to be safe, though, in case something I can’t foresee happens and I never say it again...

I love you, Jack Kelly. I have loved you from the first day I met you and I can’t see anything happening in any version of reality that makes me stop loving you. You’re still like the living personification of the moon to me and no matter how much you piss me off, Jackie, your glow doesn’t fade. You shined a light on the parts of me afraid of judgement and taught me to shine, too, despite them.

I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you and I probably never will. I just need you to know that.

Love, Davey

Jack was already crying, but he panicked as he realized there was only two more letters.

A part of him wanted to wait. These were words Davey hadn’t spoken to him. These were the last pieces of Davey that were still Jack’s.

But he needed to know. Were these letters from before they actually broke up? After? Had Davey been wrong in the previous letter and he’d stoped loving Jack?

There were no dates on the envelopes. Still, Jack had to know. He took a deep breath and opened the second-to-last one, the paper covered in old, dried tear marks.

Dear Jack,

We had another stupid fight and we tried to fix it but that just ended in more yelling. That’s happened a few times before, now, but this time, it was different.

Oh, no. This must be from the big one Spring Break of their sophomore year of college.

Jack had come home for the break, it had been great to see his friends, but then he and Davey had started fighting. Like, really fighting. Worse than they ever had before.

And then there was the big one. It was two days before Jack flew back to Santa Fe. It was the one where they actually broke up.

This time, you told me to leave. And I kind of yelled at you to just go back to Santa Fe as you shoved me out the door. Then you yelled that if I wanted you to fly away so badly, I shouldn’t bother visiting again and you slammed the door in my face.

I think we just broke up. I’d be angry about it if I wasn’t so damn sad.

God, this is messed up. I know you’re alone on your bed with those stupid Star Wars sheets you’ve had since you were twelve and you locked the door because you don’t want anyone to see you cry. Thinking about that makes me want to run right back there and say I’m sorry.

I wanted to do that the second I got back to my parents’ house, but they convinced me not to. Sarah yelled at them for it. She said I had to make my own decision. They said I’m too emotional to think clearly. They’re right, of course, which is why I’m here writing this and not on my way back to your mom’s house already.

Now, Les is the only one outside my door. Are Crutchie, Race, Romeo, or Kath outside yours? Les is trying to guilt me into opening the door by telling me he cancelled a date for me. I’m not weirded out at all by the fact that my baby brother has way more game than I did when I was fourteen.

Are we really done, Jackie? For good? I keep waiting to hear you out in the hallway. And probably Kath, because she’s a better driver than you. I can’t keep thinking about this. I’m just gonna to go to sleep.

Davey

Jack wiped his eyes furiously. There was one more letter and he needed to read it, consequences be damned.

This last letter was probably from when Davey cooled down. Maybe the next morning or something. If he didn’t hate Jack while he was emotional and raw from the initial breakup, he might in this letter. But Jack opened it, anyway.

My Dearest Jack,

We really are broken up. You haven’t called me, but I got a very angry text-rant from Crutchie (for which he apologized 10 minutes later) which basically boiled down to him saying I broke your heart. Romeo called me, said ‘dude, not cool,’ then hung up. Race and Medda seem to be trying to see both sides, and though Kath did tell me that the last few months have been like ‘listening to mom and dad fight downstairs,’ she’s not offering any advice. I think she and Sarah are waiting for me to come to them.

I’m so sorry, Jackie. I know this is mostly my fault. Still, I can’t make the first move. Don’t forget: I know you. You’re more concerned with other people’s feelings than yours, so if I ask you to take me back and you do it, I can’t be sure you didn’t just do it for me. If we ever get back together, it has to be because you want it, too. However, I know you won’t even consider we could get back together unless I give you a sign, which is why I’m leaving you my letters.

You went back to Santa Fe two weeks ago and I’m finally stable enough to come get my stuff from your house and drop off what little you left in my room. While I’m there, I’m gonna hide this somewhere. I guess we’ll both have to pray no one else in your family finds it. That would be awkward.

When you find this, I want you to think long and hard about what you want, Jackie. I want you to make a decision for you. Goddammit, think about yourself first for once.

If you fight for me, I want you to do it because it’s what you really want. That fairytale romcom ending with me is still yours if you play your cards right. (Don’t think I forgot all the hurtful things you said to me, even if I’m 70% sure you didn’t mean them.) It might take... I dunno, therapy or something, but I still think we can fix this. It won’t be easy, but neither is love. Neither is our entire messed-up, broken group of friends.

I used to think I’d lose all of them if I lost you. Maybe I would have, if I’d messed up like this in 8th grade. But now, I know I won’t, because they’re all blowing up my phone as much as I’m sure they’re blowing up yours, asking if I’m okay. I see now that they need me as much as I need them. And they still need you, too, even if you do need to accept a little more that we’re all grown-ups now.

Where was I going with this? I had a point.

I guess all there’s left to say is that if you still want that perfect ending with me—getting married and having kids and having them call all our friends ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’—fight for it. Loving someone the way I’m in love with you doesn’t happen twice, so I’m not going anywhere. You know where to find me.

You probably won’t find this for a while. Hell, you’re not even coming home again until summer break. But that’s probably a good thing. It gives us both some time to cool off and think.

So think, Jackie. Think long and hard and make a choice. Fight for me or don’t. In case I never get a chance to say it in person again...

I love you, Jack Kelly.

Love, Davey

Oh shit.

Davey left this in Jack’s closet a year and a half ago. He’d probably expected Jack to find it that summer. In fact, he probably thought Jack had found it and just decided not to fight for him.

Jack still wanted to fight for him. He had no doubts about that.

But did his have to discover this box now? When he was leaving for Santa Fe to finish his senior year tomorrow?

Fuck it. Even if it had been almost two years, even if there was a high chance Davey wasn’t waiting for him anymore, he still had to do this

Driving to the Jacobs house right then and there was probably the stupidest thing Jack had ever done, and that was including riding that Walmart shopping cart Albert stole down a hill in 8th grade with Race, Romeo, and Albert when Davey, Kath, and Specs weren’t there to stop them.

Sarah was the one who opened the door, and she... Jack hadn’t talked to Saz since the breakup, since she’d been staying mad at him out of solidarity. Honestly, he was now realizing that he’d missed her nearly as much as he’d missed Davey. They’d been good friends, once upon a time.

Now, she glared at him, “The fuck are you doing here, Kelly?”

“I...” Jack honestly couldn’t think of a good way to explain this, “Is he home?”

Sarah snorted, “What? After a year and a half, you’ve finally come to your senses and realized you’ll never find another one like my brother?”

“I never planned on anyone like him in the first place,” Jack snapped, “Davey was always... even back in middle school... You think I’d ever believe I could find someone else like that? I’m dumb, Saz, but I ain’t stupid. I always knew I was givin’ up on forever when I didn’t try to get him back, but... but I thought he didn’t want me anymore.”

Sarah froze, then leaned against the doorframe, laughing kind of hopelessly, “You are stupid, Jack Kelly, if you think my brother wasn’t totally gone for you and totally broken-hearted when you didn’t try to fight for him.”

Jack definitely had an oh shit moment, “Wait, do you know? About the..?”

“The box of letters he left you? Yeah. He told me last year, after you left for junior year without coming for him.”

Jack took the last letter out of his pocket, “I just found it.”

Saz took a second to process that before motioning for Jack to come in, shouting up the stairs, “Davey! Get your butt down here!”

Les, sitting at the kitchen table, looked up from his sandwich, “Holy shit. Jack?”

“Hi, kid,” Jack said, trying not to be weirded out by how the now-16-year-old was taller than him.

“Davey?” Sarah yelled again, clearly impatient.

“Alright, alright! God, Saz, what couldn’t wait 10 se—“ That was when Davey looked up, seeing Jack in his kitchen.

“That couldn’t wait,” Sarah said pointedly, “Les, let’s go... not be here.”

“If I eat in my room, Mom’ll kill me,” Les said, picking up his sandwich, anyway.

“Eat in my room, then.”

Jack and Davey were silent until the other two Jacobs siblings were upstairs.

“Why are you here, Jack?”

Jack had to take a deep breath before he responded, “When was the last time you went somewhere besides school if somebody didn’t drag you out of the house?”

“What?”

“Do the people who love you say you’ve changed? Do they keep saying they need a designated driver only to try to get you drinking and dancing like it’ll make you smile?”

“What are you—“

“Are there songs you can’t listen to? Movies you can’t watch? Have you so much as called someone back when they gave you their number?”

“Jack,” Davey looked at the ceiling, “What’s this about?”

“You once said you wouldn’t put your life on hold for me,” Jack said, “And you were right not to. I can be overprotective, sometimes. No one should put their dreams on hold because of a lover, but... my dreams are the only thing I haven’t put on hold, Dave. I ain’t been living since I lost you. Not really. And when our friends all said I was smilin’ less, I never let myself think about it, because if I did, I’d have to think about how much I was still hurtin’ over you.”

Davey laughed sady, “Jack, if you really wanted me, you would have fought for me a long time ago, so—“

“You’re talkin’ about the letters?” Jack asked, holding up the one he had on him, “Davey... I just found them. Today.”

Davey was silent, his face completely unreadable. Jack was holding his breath.

“Jack Kelly,” he finally smiled, “I should have known you would take this long to clean out your damn closet.”

“I think you spent enough time in the closet for the both of us.” Jack joked.

Davey rolled his eyes, “Very funny, Jackie. Anyway... I don’t think it’s any secret that we can’t just pick up where we left off.”

“Of course not.”

“So... coffee? If we’re trying again, I’d prefer to take things slow.”

Jack nodded, “Probably a good thing I’m going back to Santa Fe after tomorrow. That ain’t enough time for us to do something we’ll regret.”

“Yeah, I guess mostly just texting is one way to take it slow... speaking of which, one of us should probably text the group chat.”

“Oh yeah,” Jack grinned, “They’re gonna freak.”

[we-are-inevitable]

not moving on, not looking back // javid (ch. 10)

A/N: y’all know the drill

TW: discussion of abuse (physical and substance related)

Read On AO3!

And that’s how it starts.

They stop at David’s beforehand so he can change out of his slacks, shirt, and tie, and if David purposefully wears an outfit to elicit a certain response from Jack, he plays it off pretty well. He had changed into a tight white t-shirt and a pair of jeans that fit in all the right places, hidden under a baggy hoodie that he didn't take off until he was safe within the walls of Jack’s home. It feels… empty, now that Katherine isn’t there to fill the space with her voice, her presence.

It’ll be an adjustment, but as long as Katherine and Jack are okay with it, then David will follow their lead.

David sits alone on his phone while Jack goes upstairs and changes. He scrolls through twitter for a while, until he hears footsteps and-- oh, holy shit. Jack walks into view wearing a black sleeveless muscle shirt and gray sweats, and his hair looks so deliciously messy from combing the gel out. He’d clearly gone for the more comfortable look, and David has to stop himself from staring.

“You want anything to drink?” Jack asks as he walks into the kitchen, which prompts David to stand and follow him. Jack grabs a beer from the fridge, offering a second to David.

“Hey, I know we kind of talked already, but… How are you? Like, really?” David asks as Jack takes a drink.

Jack takes in a deep breath and shrugs as he hops onto the island in the middle of the kitchen, swinging his feet. He looks up at David, who has positioned himself to lean against the counter about two feet in front of Jack. “It… It tore me up for a while last night, after she told me, but honestly? I feel a lot better. Like a weight’s been lifted. I had a bad panic attack, but we talked more last night than we’ve talked to each other in ages, and I… I feel like I got my best friend back, y’know? I didn’t get a lot of sleep, though, just… because it’s makin’ me think about stuff I ain’t never thought about before.”

“Like what?” David asks softly, tilting his head before taking a sip of the beer. “Not that- I mean, you don’t have to tell me, but maybe I can help a little. I don’t mind.”

“It’s just… Family stuff,” Jack admits, then rubs his forehead. “We told my Ma last night and she was, y’know, a bit disappointed, but she understood. I just… The whole divorce thing makes me feel like my dad,” Jack explains softly, crossing his arms over his chest. For someone who is nearing thirty, Jack looks like a vulnerable teenager right then. He slowly looks up into David’s eyes, gulping. “He always said he regretted not getting a divorce. He wasn’t a good guy at all. Homophobic, real republican, but my mom married him because he had a good job and a good family. He was the one to kinda push the whole football thing on me, but I was never good at playin’, y’know? Loved the game, but I didn’t have any skill, trust me," Jack says with a chuckle, shaking his head.

“Did they get a divorce? Your parents?”

“No, my, uh… My mama died before anything was finalized, and everything kinda took a turn. I got… I don’t know. I was really fucked up for a long time. The school counselor suggested that I start drawing my feelings or starting a journal or something, and it worked. Really well, actually. I loved it.”

“Is that what got you into art? Kath mentioned that you wanted to go to art school,” David murmurs, moving to lean against the island, right next to Jack’s leg.

“Yeah, actually,” Jack says with a laugh, then gulps. “My dad wasn’t a fan of me doing the art stuff. I took an art class in middle school, and we had a showcase at the end of the year. I invited him to it, and he-- Do you, uh, do you mind if I talk about this? I don’t wanna force, like, heavy shit on you if you aren’t comfortable,” Jack cuts himself off, looking at David with a gulp. “I’ve only ever told my ma and Kath about this. My dad just… wasn’t a nice guy.”

“Thanks for checking in, but I don’t mind, okay? I’ll tell you if I’m ever not in the right headspace, but, Jack, you’re going through a lot. Just let it out,” David encourages with a sad grin.

Jack nods, then takes in a deep breath. “So-- Art show. Dad said he wasn’t gonna come. Told me he wasn’t gonna support me doing something ‘queer’, even though I’m- even though I told him I wasn’t,” Jack explains, taking a long drink from his bottle with a blank expression on his face. “But, uh, he didn’t believe me when I told him I wasn’t, and he… slapped me. That was when I was eleven. The physical stuff continued, ‘specially when football season started up again and he saw that I was on the bench every game, ‘cause I really wasn’t good at it. It got… rough. It only stopped when my coach noticed a bruise when we were practicing and I- I guess I was real stiff and limping real hard, so he told me to sit out, and when I took my pads off, my shirt lifted up, and… My dad was in police custody the next morning.”

“Fuck, Jack,” David says in an apologetic voice, staring at him with a lump in his throat. “I’m so sorry you went through that… Did he go to prison, or--”

“Yeah, there was a bunch of evidence, so- so he went to prison. Really easy case against him. He was supposed to get, um, ten years, I think. The last time I saw him, he told me that he was glad my mom was dead so she didn’t have to see me 'turn gay’- like I said, he was a shitty guy. That… I don’t know. I used to be like that, too, but then one of my friends, a coworker of mine, came out, like… eight years ago?” Jack bites his lip, looking down at his hands after putting his bottle down. “I’ve changed. I realized that I was just actin’ like him. I never realized he was so… bad, until I became an adult.”

“Are you still…” David gulps. “You haven’t talked to your father?”

Jack looks up at David, and smiles sadly. “He had a heart attack in prison, about five years in. So… yeah. I’m all that’s left.”

David is at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what to say. This is not how he thought the night would go, but at least Jack was getting to vent and David was getting to know him on an even more personal level but, good God, Jack had been through so much.

And adding being adopted, losing his daughter, and divorcing his wife into the mix…

Jack has hurt more in his life than he ever let on.

“Jack, I… I don’t know what to say,” David admits with a frown, but slowly reaches out, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling me all of that. You… You’re so strong, y’know? You’ve been through so much, yet you’re successful and smart and… I know we haven’t known each other long, but I am so, so proud of you. But- but you shouldn't have had to be so strong. You didn't deserve any of that. Not the… Not the abuse, or the homophobia, or the pressure. If you ever need to talk about it again, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thank you, Davey, that means a lot,” Jack says with a tight-lipped grin, then gulps. “What about you? You got any skeletons in your closet? 'S only fair that you tell me somethin' sad now, y'know.”

David stares at him for a moment. He then holds up one finger and downs the rest of the beer in his bottle, taking in a deep breath once he is done. His eyes close and he tilts his head back, then begins speaking. “From the age of twenty-two to about a month and a half ago, I was addicted to cocaine. I had a brief stint in which heroin was a daily thing, but that stopped after a few months. Too expensive. I regularly had sex with drug dealers in exchange for pills, I’ve been kicked out of gay bars for showing up high out of my mind, I now go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and I have to spend, like, ten minutes every morning trying to convince myself not to call in sick just because I’m having bad withdrawals. Bad as in, like, shaking in the shower and crying because I feel like I need to shoot up.” He slowly opens one eye, shooting a sad grin toward Jack. “I guess we’re even, huh?”

Jack stares at him for a few moments, then lets out a laugh as he nods along. “I- I guess you can say that, yeah,” He murmurs, then looks at David with a gulp. “If you ever need anything, just let me know, ‘kay? I don’t… I don’t really have experience with that kind of stuff, but if you ever need anything, I’m here, whether you need to talk, or you… need somewhere to stay,” Jack says slowly, seriously, and David nods. “I’m right here, Dave. Just like you're here for me.”

“Thank you, Jack. I’ve been getting better, I think- the, uh, withdrawals are starting to mellow out, at least a little bit, but it’s just… getting used to sobriety that’s throwing me for a loop,” David admits. He watches Jack’s eyes shift from his face to the empty bottle in his hand, and David shakes his head. “I know what you’re thinking-- I never had an alcohol problem, it was just the drugs. I, uh, don’t drink often, though. Just to make sure.”

David doesn’t drink often because David has an addictive personality. David doesn’t drink often because David knows he’s susceptible to alcoholism if he goes down the wrong path.

It makes him feel better to know that Jack is watching out for him in that way, though.

“If you’re sure,” Jack responds with a kind smile. The two of them fall into a comfortable silence. Jack finishes his beer, David watches him, and everything is… calm.

But not for long.

“Dave? Can I ask you a kind of weird question?”

“Shoot.”

“How’d ya know you were gay?”

David’s eyes widen a bit. He wasn’t expecting... that. He looks up, but Jack refuses to meet his eyes. He’s instead staring at the cabinet above the sink, sitting eerily still, and David isn’t sure how to respond for a few moments. Slowly, David shrugs, and looks down at his hands. “I just never really found an interest in women. Plus, I used to be really into this guy in one of my classes… I don’t know, it was just kind of natural for me. My parents were religious, but they never really said anything about it if I brought guys home for dinner, or if I wore makeup to school. I never really had that… epiphany, I just… I was just gay. Never questioned it,” He explains, holding his breath in the heavy silence that follows. He slowly glances back up toward Jack, expecting to see him staring off into space, but to his surprise Jack is staring right back at him. “Can I ask why you’re asking?”

Jack gulps. There’s a long moment of silence, before he sits up a little straighter. “Kath has been talking about 'self exploration' ever since yesterday. Mentioned she’s, uh… curious.”

“Mhm.”

Jack meets David’s eyes. He stares for a few moments before locking his lips, straightening his posture, and saying, “I think I might be, too.”

There’s a beat of silence. David holds his breath. Holds Jack’s gaze. He waits for a few moments, waiting for Jack to back down, but it never comes. Finally, David gives in.

He asks, breathless, “Wanna find out?”

There’s no more speaking after that.

[turtle-steverogers]

Step Up (1/6)

hey guys so this is gonna be a fun little six part story while Light the Fire Bright gets planned! The AU was loosely inspired by SomedayonBroadway's stories about deployed!jack on ao3 so go check those out

warnings: none in this chapter

ships: all the bois are cute brothers! sprace later on

editing: no

word count: 2215

“Enough about me, though, kid.  How are you doing?”

Race huffed out a humorless laugh, leaning forward on his elbows as he scrubbed a hand down his face.  That was a loaded question that he wasn’t entirely equipped to answer.  Of course, he’d been expecting it, but giving it any thought beforehand had been entirely daunting.

All things considered, he was okay.  Honestly, he was.  Things had been...harder since Jack had left to go overseas three months ago, but that was to be expected.  He’d kept his grades halfway decent, though that had been an adjustment.  Jack was usually the one who kept him on track while doing schoolwork, so when he first left, Race’s grades tanked.  Davey had tried to help, but his patience was a lot thinner than Jack’s, especially when he lacked an extensive understanding for Race’s way of thinking.  After about a month of nightly arguments over themes present in Othello, many of which ended in frustrated tears from one or both parties, Katherine had taken initiative and stepped in to help.  

She was a lot more tolerant of Race’s impaired focus and had been present for enough of Jack and his study sessions to have an idea of how to keep him on task.  Race was beyond grateful for her help and more than relieved to see his grades raise back to his average, but it still wasn’t the same.

Nothing was really the same.  Race had taken on Jack’s role in the Lodging House since his departure, stepping up to care for their younger brothers and sisters.  He thought he was equipped for it, and he mostly was, but he could feel himself slowly wilting under the pressure.  Katherine and Davey tried to help out as often as they could and Kloppman, the technical owner of the foster home, still pulled his weight regarding finances.  But neither of those factors took away from the fact that Race was drowning in his new responsibilities.  On top of that, guilt had started to weigh him down.  If this is how Jack had felt for the past ten or so years- juggling everyone else’s shit as well as trying to wade through his own, the need for a shoulder to lean on or someone to unload to, the constant stress of getting enough food on the table for everyone while, even if it meant that he didn’t eat- then Race really should have stepped up sooner.  

Other than those minor setbacks, though, Race was fine.  He was great even!  Absolutely thriving.

“I’m good, Jackie,” Race said, though his tone was tired, “I miss you,” he added in a small moment of vulnerability.

Jack’s expression softened and Race’s stomach clenched.  He missed those kind eyes staring into his own as he worked through his homework.  He missed Jack’s easy demeanor, bleeding safety into Race’s own soul as he ruffled his hair, praising him for a job well done.  He missed him.  His smell, his hugs, even his cooking!  Which, as awful as it was, had become an ironic source of comfort.

“I miss you too, Tony,” Jack sighed, “Only nine more months!” He tried to sound cheerful, but both of them sagged slightly, the air gaining even more weight.  Nine months seemed like a millenium given how long three months had felt.

“Only nine,” Race echoed, propping his chin on his palm, “Wish you didn’t hafta go at all.”

Jack grimaced, “It was bound-”

“To happen, I know,” Race finished for him, “It just sucks.”

“Yeah, it does,” Jack mumbled.  It was tense for a moment, neither one of them meeting the other’s gaze.  Then Jack cleared his throat, attempting to shift the conversation, “How’re Kath and Davey doing?  Anything new with Crutch and them?”

“Oh, uh,” Race shook his head, willing his own disposition to brighten, “They’re all good.  Uh, Kath’s been making sure I don’t fail outta senior year.  Davey and Les hang around sometimes, but not as much as they use to.  Think it’s something to do with Davey’s new job.  Uhhh, let’s see..”

As he rattled off updates about their siblings, Race felt his mood lift.  It all felt familiar- calming.  He found joy in making Jack laugh with his various stories about the antics that plagued their home.  

“And then,” Race wheezed, trying to get words out around his laughter, “And then Albert fucking closed his eyes and Davey started screaming at him and holding the, uh, the ‘oh shit handle’ like some kind of mom!  It was fucking golden, I don’t even know who allowed this kid to get his permit.”

Jack had his head in his arms, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.  After a moment, he sat up, wiping tears from underneath his eyes, “God, I wish I coulda seen that.  Albert driving?  Who’da thought.”

“Wouldn’t really call it driving,” Race reasoned, “More like, swerving and cursing and narrowly avoiding death.”

“Sounds about right,” Jack said, leaning onto the wall behind his cot.

They fell into a comfortable silence, lost in separate fond memories.  But the calm was quickly demolished when shouts sounded directly outside the door to Race’s bedroom.  Well, technically it was Jack’s, but Race had taken advantage of his temporary absence to gain his own, private space.

Race groaned, dropping his head forward onto the keyboard.  Maybe, if he ignored them, his brothers would sort out their shit themselves.  

“RAAAAAAACE!”

Or not.

Race lifted his head slowly, whining as he stretched his back.

“Gotta go take care of that?” Jack asked, raising his eyebrows understandingly, “Who is that- Romeo?  It sounded like Romeo.”

“Think so,” Race said as his name was called again, except louder, “I should go, yeah.”

“Okay,” Jack said, “I’ll talk to you soon, Racer.  I love you.”

“Love you, too.  Talk to you later,” He gave Jack one last little wave, then ended the video call.

He stared at the now blank screen, bracing himself for whatever stupid situation he’d find his brothers in.  With another groan, he shut the laptop.  Reluctantly, he pushed himself away from Jack’s desk and crossed the room.  

He opened the door to find Romeo and Elmer on the ground, face’s red as they wrestled.  Elmer had Romeo’s head trapped between his knees.  His own arms were being twisted at odd angles by Romeo, who despite his position, had surprising leverage.  Race’s gaze traveled from their jumbled form to Romeo’s DS, which lay haphazardly on the ground several feet away, still open and displaying some Pokemon game.

“Okay, knock it off you two,” Race demanded, bending down and grasping each of his brother’s biceps, effectively pulling their upper halves apart.  Both boys continued to struggle, Elmer refusing to release Romeo from between his legs, “Elmer, let him go.”

“Yeah, lemme go!” Romeo shouted, his words muffled.

Finally, Elmer let up his grip on Romeo, allowing Race to wrangle him away from the other boy and set him on the floor opposite of him.  

“No more touching each other,” Race scolded, crossing his arms, “Now, what happened.”

Immediately, both boys began bickering again, words drowning out one another’s as they tried to get their side of the story heard.

“He took my-”

“I did not-”

“Race, I promise I-”

“He’s lying, he’s just being a dick-”

“Hey, that’s enough!” Race bellowed, silencing his brothers instantaneously.  He rarely raised his voice in the house, well aware of how that could be perceived or what kind of memories shouting could resurface, but sometimes, desperate measures were required, “Now one at a time, tell me what happened.” He looked down at Romeo, whose arms were crossed at his chest, an impressive pout on his face.

“Elmer took my DS after I told him he couldn’t have it and he messed up all my progress on Pokemon Sun!  I was about to beat the Professor, too!”

Race raised his eyebrows, looking down at Elmer, who, despite the anger radiating off of him, looked fairly guilty, “Elmer, did you really take his DS without his permission?”

Elmer huffed, “He was being unfair, I-”

“Elmer,” Race warned.

Elmer hung his head, deflating, “Yeah, I did, okay? Happy?”

“Attitude isn’t getting you anywhere, dude,” Race said, “If Romeo toldya you couldn’t play with his DS, you shoulda respected that,” he bent down so he was level with Elmer, “Apologize to your brother.”

Elmer glared at Race for a long moment before peering around him at Romeo, “I’m sorry I messed up your game, Rome,” he grumbled, “I can help ya get back to where you were.”

“I don’t want your help, stupidhead” Romeo snapped, “All ya do is mess things up.”

“Hey,” Race chided, turning to look at Romeo instead, “I know you’re mad at him, but that doesn’t give you a pass to say ugly things.  Say you’re sorry.”

Romeo defiantly mimed zipping his mouth shut and Race resisted the urge to throw both of them out the nearest window.

“Right now.” Race said, firmly.

“Fiiiiine,” Romeo groused, “I’m sorry, El.”

“Thank you,” Race said, “Now, go cool off.  Both of you.  Elmer, you can go to y’alls room and Romeo you can stick in the guest room for a moment until you’re ready to be around each other again, okay?”

Elmer and Romeo nodded, dragging their feet in opposite directions.  A moment later, Race heard two door slams.

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a moment to rub his eyes before strolling out to the living room.  Crutchie was seated on the couch, crutch propped bluntly on the armrest next to him.  He was reading a book, diligently annotating it using sticky notes as he progressed.

“Heya, Crutch,” Race greeted, leaning back against the couch.  

Crutchie bent his head back to smile up at him, “Hi.”

“Doing your homework?” Race asked, gesturing to Crutchie’s copy of The Outsiders.

“Yeah,” Crutchie scrunched his nose, looking back down at his book, “S’not too bad.”

“I’m glad,” Race said, ruffling his hair, “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do,” Crutchie said, distractedly, already absorbed in his work once more.

Race watched him fondly for another moment.  He’d always admired Crutchie’s work ethic.  He wasn’t the strongest in any one subject, but he worked hard and always managed to get good grades.  It was refreshing to see.

“Race?”

A meek voice pulled Race from his thoughts and he turned to see Elmer standing in the doorway.  His face was streaked with tears and he was twisting his fingers nervously in front of him.

Race frowned, hurrying to kneel in front of him, “Hey, hey, hey buddy, what’s wrong?”

Elmer shook his head, choking on a sob as he buried his face in the crook of Race’s neck.  Race wrapped his arms around his younger brother’s trembling form, a lump forming in his own throat as he shushed him.  He hated seeing his siblings so torn up.

When Elmer’s sobs didn’t slow, Race pulled back slightly, tapping his chin, “Wanna go to my room?”

Elmer sniffed, nodding weakly.

“Alright, dude,” Race said, carefully picking him up and carrying him down the hall.  He shut Jack’s door quietly behind them and set Elmer on the bed, squatting next to him.  Elmer tugged on his sleeve, coaxing him onto the bed, where he once more curled into his side.

“What’s gotcha hurting?” Race pushed gently, running a hand through Elmer’s hair.

“D-do I,” Elmer hiccuped, struggling to get words out around his cries, “Do I really mess everything up?”

Race’s heart broke and he silently cursed Romeo for saying that.  There were a few unspoken boundaries in the Lodging House that everyone knew not to cross and it was always stressed to choose your words wisely.  No matter how mad you are, there were some things you just don’t say.

“Of course you don’t, buddy,” Race soothed, “Romeo was just very upset and he wanted you to be upset, too. You don’t mess anything up, you hear?”

“I-I didn’t mean to mess up his progress,” Elmer whimpered, looking up at Race with large, teary eyes, “I just wanted to play his game.” “I know,” Race said, “And I think he knows that, too.  He just wasn’t thinking very clearly.” “I’m sorry,” Elmer gripped Race’s shirt tightly, curling further into him.

“It’s okay, bud,” Race rubbed his back, “And I’m sure Romeo will appreciate another apology once you both are ready, but I swear to you that you don’t mess anything up.”

“Promise promise?” Elmer asked, sobs ebbing away slowly.

“Promise promise,” Race said, confidently, “Now why dontcha rest in here a bit.  I’ll let you play on my phone.” Elmer’s eyes lit up, “Really?”

“Sure thing,” Race said, easily, fishing his phone out of his back pocket and unlocking it, “Just make sure to come get me if Jack texts, okay?”

“Okay,” Elmer said, eagerly taking Race’s phone from him and clicking into his app folder.  He didn’t look up at Race as he crawled away from him, sinking into the pillows on Jack’s bed.  

Race pat his leg, squeezing reassuringly before standing and slipping out of the room.  He was still getting used to being the rock in the family, but if you asked him, he was doing pretty damn decent.

-

race is tryin his best

thanks for reading, chiefs

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