#ive written like so much in the last few days and that one by far is my fav

[itsohh]

One Final Look!! It was so good!! He was torturing himself up on that hill and I was right there with him 💔 It was so sad, hearing him imagine what could have been!!! And him talking about how reader doesn’t seem happy at all during it!! 🥲🥲 I’m tearing up!! It was short but bittersweet ❤️ another lovely piece 💕 thank you for sharing!

!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Honestly for that one when I was writing I had originally planned for the reader to leave her fiance at the alter and run away. But after I wrote I reread it back and it was just. Not the right vibe for the rest of it. It didn't do it justice I'm a lot happier with the current ending. It's a lot less 'story like' if that makes sense.

I still lowkey didn't want to leave it there but at the same it's just such a perfect ending. I'm the devil in flesh but I LOVE two people so deeply in love unable to be together. But only when I write it because I don't wanna suffer. Glad you liked it darling and I live off your tears >:3

[81folklore]

heaven - PIASTRI - final part

pairings: oscar piastri x private!reader (fc: gracie abrams + pinterest)

summary: on the 2 year anniversary of oscars first win in f1, everyone’s favorite couple has a surprise

type: social media au (smau)

note: well this is it!! the final part to heaven!! this ending has always been the plan and im so pleased i can finally post it, this win has been a longgg time coming and i am super stoked for oscar!!! obviously not the best race (esp for mclaren fans) but we got through it and oscar won!!!! super duper proud of my mclaren boys and i cant wait to see many more 1-2 with them!!

i honestly cant believe this is the last part to this series, this was one of the first fics i ever posted and its crazy how far its come!! to this day i get notifs that people have found the first part to this series and it blows my mind how big this has gotten. i know ive been inactive for a long time but i hope by finally finishing this fic i will find love for creating fics again!!!! love u all🩵

heaven masterlist masterlist

set 2026

youruser

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 11,629 others

two years ago my best friend asked me to marry him, i said yes immediately. how could i say no to spending the rest of my life with someone i love so deeply?

today marks 6 months of him being my husband and i feel so incredibly blessed to be able to call him that, to be able to say that someone i love, loves me back just as much

but today is also the anniversary of my boys first win, which seems crazy now that he has many more under his belt but its true, its been two years since that crazy day in hungary and one that changed us forever

i have grown so much in the time we have been together and im so pleased i was able to do it with you, osc. i love you forever and always!

tagged oscarpiastri

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oscarpiastri my favorite forever🤍

oscarpiastri marrying you was the best decision i have ever made

youruser my boy🌟🌟

comments on this post have been limited

oscarpiastri

liked by youruser, logansargeant and 1,382,003 others

i cant believe i get to call this gorgeous girl my wife, and i’ll be able to do so for the rest of our lives

you had never shone as brightly as on our wedding day, however youve continued to shine ever so bright since and i hope it never goes away, seeing you happy and content makes me feel like the luckiest man alive

thank you for saying yes all those years ago and thank you for trusting me with your heart, ill love you forever and always

your osc x

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youruser i love you so much osc

youruser you mean the world to me

landonorris congrats mate x

logansargeant i miss you guys :(

youruser we miss you too logie!!! we’ll be home soon and we will take you to dinner!!

logansargeant oscarpiastri promise?

oscarpiastri we promise

georgerussell63 happy for you both!

frederikvestiofficial come back soon i think logans withering away

oscarpiastri he’ll be fine for a few more days🙄

logansargeant nu huh!! i cant last much longer☹️

user66 oh my god she looks gorgeous 🥹🥹

oscarpiastri she is

user72 YOUR OSC😭😭😭😭

user6 im never getting over them☹️

user91 THEYRE MARRIED☹️☹️😭😭

user10 remember when yn said they werent getting married yet because they still had so much growing to do,, look at them now☹️

user47 i feel like everyones being too calm, WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE ENGAGED?!?!!?!

user64 LIKE WHY ARE WE NOT MORE SHOCKED

user22 bcs they are written in the stars and we all knew this was going to happen!!! liked by youruser

user30 yn with all the little babes oh i cant do this🥹🥹 liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri

liked by youruser, lewishamilton and 1,392,027 others

17.01.2026

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lewishamilton so happy for you mate, it was a gorgeous ceremony💜

logansargeant my favorite people in the whole world

oscarpiastri we love you

logansargeant 🥹🥹 (i love you guys too)

youruser my boy forever and ever and ever

oscarpiastri 🤍🤍

landonorris you guysss😕😕

youruser love you lan!!!!

youruser

liked by oscarpiastri, yourmum 11,483 others

a story told in many parts💐

comments on this post have been limited

pinned youruser to osc, my best friend, my love, my husband i will love you until the end of time. i will hold your hand through everything and more, until death do us part x

youruser added to their story

story song added heaven by niall horan text reads: my 🏠

seen by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 12,472 others

replies

user72 OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD

user19 I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU TWO 😔😔😔😔

user63 ur literally perfect for eachother wtfwtfwtf

user90 I FEEL SICK THIS IS SO CUTE

user6 oscar is so sweet🥹🥹

youruser the sweetest!!!!

[pupyuj]

→ “long overdue.” || kim jiwon (liz) x reader.

— jiwon reunites with you, her old fling, at her brother’s bachelor party and with the sparks still in the air, you don’t waste any time to get familiar with her once more…

word count: 5.2k.

dynamic: dom!bottom!liz x sub!top!reader.

warnings: age gap (it's not much!), unnie kink, fwb to lovers, nipple play, oral fixation, cunnilingus, fingering, thigh riding, orgasm denial, edging.

a/n: FINALLY! a jiwon fic from moi 😭😭 this was supposed to be posted earlier on valentine's day but alas 💀 i really do wish i could've dropped something for feb 14th but back then i was bitter, lonely, sad, and angry so trying to write something cute and lovey-dovey was just not ideal LMAO but anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this fic 💚 only one more member and i will have officially written a fic for each of the ive unnies! WE CAN DO IT!! 😤✨ also i'm pretty sure i'm missing some warnings/tags but i'm too sleepy to remember them so...

jiwon doesn’t know why she agreed to chaperone her grown brother to his stupid bachelor party. as far as she knew, it was a boy thing. according to her brother, however, she was an exception and so, jiwon finds herself seated at the farthest corner of the bar in what might be the most expensive nightclub she has ever set foot in. she hasn’t even downed her first drink yet—she merely made a tiny tornado with the small umbrella while keeping an eye on her little brother and his ridiculous group of friends.

some of them were familiar to her, some weren’t. and some have repeatedly asked for her number in the past two and a half hours they’ve been in the place. it was after the eleventh time it happened that jiwon decided to go on her lonesome and sat on that one corner of the bar, silently waiting for the little party to end so she could get her nice, long and certainly well-deserved, sleep. jiwon really wished that she came up with some boring excuse to avoid this event. unfortunately, she couldn’t say no to her brother who was so kind to include her! 

perhaps he knew that jiwon needed to look at something that wasn’t the view from the big windows of that fancy condominium where she lives. on top of all that, jiwon has been working harder than usual. but that’s only because she quite literally has nothing else to do in her life. all of her friends were busy, she was busy, and it’s not like she can just hit up her coworkers for a quick drink after work when she barely knew them. in hindsight, jiwon sort of needed this!

jiwon raises her glass to her lips, but stops midway when something curious catches her attention. a girl, a bit younger than jiwon herself, confidently marches up towards her brother and does a very familiar handshake with him before hugging him tightly. jiwon watches as the girl and her brother chat a bit. they exchanged a few jokes here and there, the girl hands him a small bag (a gift to his soon-to-be wife, possibly), then her brother whispers in the girl’s ear as he exchanges glances with jiwon, and suddenly both of them were looking at her from across the nightclub.

jiwon nearly drops her glass when she sees the girl’s face clearly. it was you—(y/n) (l/n), her brother’s former roommate and best friend all throughout college! jiwon has met you before! back when her life was a goddamn mess and her entire family thought that you were her brother’s girlfriend. but then it turns out you were more like… his sister from a different family and so that was when you and jiwon started getting to know each other.

perhaps you got to know each other a bit too well… because jiwon remembers all those times when the two of you would hang out in her room for hours and f—

“jiwon-unnie!”

the blonde haired girl springs up from her seat and waved as you squeezed through multiple crowds of people until you got to her. wow, you were beautiful. taller, older, and obviously so much prettier than the last time jiwon saw you.

which was in between her le—

“i missed you so much!” you engulfed jiwon in a crushing bear-hug which she awkwardly returned. “oh wow, unnie, you’re gorgeous! blonde fits you so well.” you were saying as you pulled away, taking in all of jiwon’s features and even threading her soft hair from behind. jiwon got goosebumps under your touch—how the fuck was she supposed to act normal in this situation?

“i am so glad you’re here because as much as i love him, i’m not as much of a boys girl anymore.” you pulled jiwon back to her seat, taking the empty one right beside hers and immediately telling the bartender about your favorite drink. jiwon finds herself completely speechless. literally. you were vibrant, you were chatty, you were so charming—everything jiwon remembers that you were all those years ago.

“mmm. never gets old.” you said after taking the first sip of your drink. you then turned to jiwon who flinched upon making eye contact with you. “what have you been doing these days, unnie? i know you’re like, some kind of big deal at this rich-people company you work for but you know… what else?” you eyed jiwon up and down before smiling at her. not even the darkness and the nearly seizure-inducing lights of the nightclub could hide that familiar glint in your eyes, but jiwon chose to ignore them.

she couldn’t help but glance at how your skirt is hiked up after you’ve put one leg over the other though.

“um, i haven’t been doing much, really. just… work and making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” jiwon said, nodding her head to her brother who was pretty buzzed at this time.

you laughed, “you guys never really changed, huh? glad to see it.” you took another sip of your drink.

“only this time i’m helping him with his road to being a husband instead of a project due in thirty minutes.” jiwon shakes her head at the memory, and she likes the way it makes you smile brightly.

“right… and are you still with wonyoung-ssi?” you asked with caution. yet you stared at jiwon as you did so, making sure she sees your ulterior motive through your eyes. jiwon feels herself crumbling under the weight of your stare, as much as she tries to put up a fight of her own.

“no… no, that’s been over for a while now.” it was a good breakup. one that ended with laughter rather than tears and anger. jiwon still talks with wonyoung to this day. why, only a week ago, wonyoung had called jiwon about her brother’s wedding! she expressed her regret about not being able to attend it due to scheduling conflicts—the life of an acclaimed supermodel was busy after all!

you looked significantly happier with the news, now gulping down your drink with a smile on your face. “h-how about you? he never told me what you did after you guys graduated…” jiwon attempts to have some control of the situation—sitting up straight, staring back at you with the same intensity, and all. was she successful? no. jiwon’s blushes as you held your stare with hers, an amused smirk now on your lips before you flipped your hair over your shoulder.

shiiit, jiwon remembers how perfect your neck looks while covered with marks left by her… oh gods, what is wrong with her?!

“well, after college, i did try getting my career started… but that didn’t work out. i ended up going back to my hometown to get back in touch with my heart and all that sentimental bullshit, and it actually worked,” you giggled, your hand brushing across your hair. “i know what i want to do in my life, but for now, i’m just…” you trailed off, raising your drink as well as quirking your eyebrow. “having fun before i can’t.” now your glass is finally empty.

“that’s good. and i’m glad the two of you are still friends. i was worried you’d grow apart.” it always made jiwon smile when she came home after a rough day at her old job and seeing you and her brother in the house, chatting and fooling around as if you weren’t burdened by all your commitments and responsibilities. it had always been refreshing seeing you, and it still is.

you propped your elbow on the table and put your chin on your palm, flashing jiwon a teasing smile, “did you miss me, unnie?”

and just like that, every ounce of confidence jiwon built up evaporates into nothing. she laughs awkwardly, hiding behind her drink, “o-of course! it was weird not seeing you guys together all the time, you know!” another awkward laugh. jiwon felt ridiculous and childish.

“no, unnie,” you moved closer, putting your hand on jiwon’s arm. she turned her head to look at you again and there you were, staring at her with clouded eyes. you then leaned closer and put your other arm behind her, your lips ghosting above her ear. shitshitshit, that’s too close. “did you miss me?”

what happened moments later isn’t exactly what jiwon would say was… a mistake. hell, it was far from it.

being trapped between the door of your hotel room and yourself while getting her neck marked up and her clothes slowly stripped down is the most eventful jiwon’s night has been.

jiwon could feel her brother’s worry all the way from here… well, it’s mainly because she knew that all the buzzing that her phone was doing in her pocket was because of him mass texting her about her whereabouts. she couldn’t be bothered to text him back right now though, not when you were already trailing your hand up her thigh and sliding it underneath her skirt. this felt familiar, and it felt good. feeling you gently rub her wet cunt through her panties felt good, feeling you softly biting on her collarbone felt good, seeing those cute eyes of yours asking for permission while you tugged on her panties felt good.

how long has it been since jiwon felt this kind of rush in her life? too long, she’d say. so why not make the most out of it?

jiwon cups your cheeks and crashes her lips into yours for the first time that night. your lips tasted like blueberries (from whatever you were drinking earlier), and jiwon loved the way you kissed her rather clumsily as if you didn’t expect her to do it first. jiwon couldn’t get enough. she pushes you further inside the room, discarding you of your jacket while doing so. she sits you down on the edge of the bed before separating from your lips and suddenly walking off, leaving you confused and slightly light-headed.

turns out, jiwon only went away to turn the lampshade on, illuminating the room with a warm orange glow before going back to you. she stared you down with hooded eyes, lust replacing the kind look in her irises that you knew and loved, and then she gently grabs your jaw, tilting your head up. you squeezed your thighs together, trying to soothe that ache in your core. god, you missed her.

“make this worth it, (y/n).” jiwon says coldly. even jiwon herself was surprised at her tone, but something in her brain liked how you crumbled under her stare. compared to the timid, nervous jiwon from earlier, bossy and demanding and… kind of harsh jiwon just did something right to you.

“you’ve always been worth it.” you pulled jiwon towards you by her hips, making her sit down on your lap. you feel her brushing your hair with her fingers, allowing you to release the tension on your shoulders and just melt into her. you’ve missed her warmth, and she’s missed yours. jiwon didn’t understand why you left when you did… but that was a question you were going to answer for her later.

much, much later.

jiwon moans softly as you start kissing her neck. your hands get busy with the remaining buttons on her shirt, revealing more of her skin for you to mark up throughout the night. you’ve already left some earlier, and they were starting to show across her chest but that wasn’t enough. you slowly pull off her shirt and let it drop to the ground, then your hands travel lower on jiwon’s body, stopping at the waistband of her skirt.

you were eager to touch her—unzipping her skirt and whining to get her to stand up and let it fall at her feet before you pulled her back into you. jiwon couldn’t help but laugh while you kissed her hungrily, and then she giggled even more when you rolled around and made her lay on her back on the bed.

you pouted cutely as you observed her and her baby pink lingerie, “hmm… were you expecting to sleep with someone in that club, unnie? you looked prepared.”

jiwon thought it was the perfect time to tease such a normally confident girl like you. so she nodded with a shit-eating grin, “the lady bartender was cute actually.” she laughs when you suddenly hop off of her abdomen, choosing to sit on the side of the bed instead. you were taking off your shoes, setting them aside before starting to discard yourself of your jewelry and putting them on the bedside table. jiwon watches you intently, her desire for you only growing by the second.

“come on, get in here already.”  jiwon tugged on your sleeve, more than ready to feel your lips on her skin once again. she decided to sit up and help you with your dress though, reaching for the zipper and slowly pulling it down. she didn’t waste the opportunity to leave kisses on the back of your neck, all the way down to the middle of your back, making sure that her lipstick sticks on your skin and smiling satisfied once she sees that it did.

finally, jiwon could see all of you after all these years, and you were just as beautiful as the last time she saw you. jiwon couldn’t resist immediately grabbing your face and kissing you as you climbed into the bed—she longed to feel your skin against hers again and now that you were here, she doesn’t think she ever wants to let you go like she did back then. so, jiwon holds onto you tightly, letting you settle yourself on top of her once again while your hands impatiently explore her perfect body. your hands reach behind jiwon, unclasping her bra and throwing it aside, your hands quickly finding themselves busy fondling her soft breasts.

it was cute to see that you still adored her tits as much as you did back then. you did that thing you always did when you were intimate with jiwon, kissing all over her chest, making sure to cover every inch of skin while still massaging her tits. jiwon caresses your hair as you did your job, laughing softly in an adoring way, her smile only widening when you look up at her with your own grin.

“you’re so pretty, jiwon-unnie.” you gave the older girl one last quick kiss on the lips before leaning down and taking her nipple in your mouth. jiwon gasps at the feeling of your warm tongue slowly swirling around her nipple. it was familiar, like all of the other things you’ve done to her so far, but it also felt new at the same time. because this time, the two of you were much older, and you were doing this purely out of your true feelings for each other rather than a decision made on a whim. jiwon moans loudly when you softly and carefully bite on the hard bud, but she was quick to regain composure when she notices something quite… well, interesting.

jiwon sees how you humped the mattress slightly, trying your best to soothe that buzzing in your core on your own. jiwon decides to swiftly slide her thigh in between your legs and press it against your wet cunt, feeling all satisfied when you whine and start slowly grinding on her thigh for further stimulation. your hand that was pinching her other nipple was now gripping the sheets as you started riding jiwon’s thigh faster, whining even more as you feverishly sucked and nipped on her tit. jiwon grins, loving how she hasn’t lost her special little talent of reducing you to her obedient pet. she starts meeting your little thrusts by raising her thigh—somehow, the sight of you like this had her soaked, but you haven’t noticed at all. you were too busy trying to get yourself off!

you had to let go of jiwon’s nipple eventually, now hugging her close and whining at her chest because you were feeling so good. you’ve started shaking and your moans were shorter and higher—it only meant one thing! jiwon takes a fistful of your hair and pulls your face up to make you look at her, ignoring how you winced at the pain.

“don’t cum.” she says strictly, her grip on your hair tightening by the second the more you thrust into her thigh.

“b-but..! hnng.. i’m s-so close…! so close…” the pout, the tears, that desperate tone in your voice… jiwon almost wanted to fold, but she wasn’t in the mood for that.

“you don’t get to cum before me ever, remember? be good.”

as much as it upset you, you slowly decreased your pace until you were merely sitting on her thigh. jiwon smiles—she was happy to know that she still had some sort of hold over you. she knew she always did! why, you were always clingy towards jiwon whenever her brother invited you over, and that was even before the two of you started sleeping with each other. she always used it to her advantage, mostly in bed, of course. something else jiwon always liked: that pitiful look on your cute face when she denies you of your release. you’d always look so timid after, afraid that if you spoke incorrectly, jiwon might stop the whole thing entirely.

but jiwon was never that cruel. she’d tease you, sure, but she would always make sure to give you what you want. just as long as she gets hers first.

“look,” you watched as jiwon’s hand traveled down from her stomach to her panties. she was drenched; your fault. “do something.” she demands. shit. the dark tone in her voice and the stern look on her face was enough to get you to move lower. you pulled off jiwon’s panties, your heart beating so fast for no goddamn reason. it has been a very long time since you have seen jiwon, let alone like this. acting like this, looking at you like this. it’s got you weak.

you stared at jiwon’s pussy. soaked, tight, perfect, and most importantly, all for you.

“how cute. you’re practically drooling.” jiwon impatiently puts her hand atop your head and brings your face closer to her needy cunt. you hoisted her legs over your shoulder, then you started leaving kisses along her inner thighs—deep and sensual kisses, slow and careful right up until your lips barely ghosted above her pussy. jiwon stares at you with anticipation, you stare back at her; your eyes now dark and hungry. you keep eye contact as you licked up her cunt once, smirking while you felt jiwon’s entire body shiver at the feeling. she pushes your head a little closer, so fucking desperate that you almost wanted to be petty and tease her, but she would probably hit you for that.

and so, you give her what she wants. within seconds of your lips touching her cunt once more, you were practically making out with it. goosebumps appeared along your skin as your tongue slowly got familiar with jiwon’s taste again. it felt right, like the stars have finally realigned themselves after years of floating about the expansive universe, lost. you put your hands to use, spreading her lips apart and pleasuring her clit.

“g-good…! there… mmhn.. (y/n)-ah…!” jiwon grabs a fistful of your hair again, pushing you impossibly closer to her cunt, practically grinding it against your face. you wrap your lips around the sensitive bud, sucking softly and moaning at jiwon’s sheer taste. fuck, it was all too good. you use one hand to grip one of her thighs, sinking your nails down to her skin, and spreading it further so you could have room.

“fuck..! i want to cum, (y/n)… m-more, more..! please…” jiwon’s back arches right as you flick the sensitive bud. you slipped your tongue inside her cunt, making jiwon moan just a tad bit louder than the hotel room walls would recommend her to. the next rooms most likely heard that—good. everyone needs to know how amazing you make her feel. how you’re the only one who can make her feel this way. and everyone’s going to know it again; you used your free hand to rub jiwon’s clit since your tongue was too busy inside her.

normally, this would’ve made jiwon cum. but she was strong this time around. “fucking—god, (y/n)…! more.. more…” jiwon pleads while on the verge of tears. you free her thigh of your grip and hold her hand instead, at least it helped her ground herself at least. the more you used your tongue inside her, the more you felt her clench. her grip gets tighter, both on your hand and on your hair. you briefly glanced upwards and saw her closing her eyes shut—she was close. but you found yourself being torn between letting her reach her climax now, stall a bit longer, or… make her orgasm just a lot stronger.

you pulled out your tongue from her cunt. jiwon hisses and nearly hits you on the head for slowing down and going back to sucking on her clit as you previously did. she glared at you, but was immediately back to being at your mercy when you unexpectedly inserted two of your fingers inside her. god, she was still tight. you stared in awe as you fucked jiwon in an excrutiatingly slow pace, merely watching as her pussy clenches around your digits. you pushed further, now knuckle-deep inside jiwon. you could cum from the sensation of her spongy walls brushing against your fingertips alone but you had to keep her rule in mind.

“m-mouth… use your mouth, (y/n).. ah!” and happily you did! your mouth and fingers worked in unison on jiwon’s pussy—every time you pulled out, you’d suck and lick her clit, the routine now going back to you. you’re remembering all the things she liked done to her, even down to the tiniest details. like eye contact. your eyes fluttered open, peering at jiwon through your fringe. she was already staring at you, her face contorted to show much pleasure you were bringing to her. jiwon has never once tried to conceal her noises and she wasn’t going to ask you to slow down or anything either. you both needed this, and unfortunately for this entire damn hotel, they were going to know just how much.

jiwon loosens her grip on your head once she realizes just how tight she was holding it, now threading your hair and only gently nudging you closer whenever she thinks your mouth isn’t doing enough. you curled your fingers inside her, making her tense up once more and bring her to that familiar edge. “please, please, please…!” jiwon whispers desperately like a prayer with a single tear running down her cheek. you increased your pace and buried your face in her cunt, not caring about making a mess of your face. all you cared about was satisfying your jiwon-unnie, and that you were successful when you brought her to a mind-blanking orgasm with a single flick of your tongue.

a long moan escapes jiwon’s lips as you continue to eat her out through her climax. god, she was delectable. you were determined to not waste a single drop of her cum, lapping her up like a dog and once more relishing at the taste of her juices on your tongue. you pull out your fingers as well, making sure jiwon sees you sucking on it to show her just how much you enjoy how she tastes. jiwon was beyond flustered and she was feeling all sorts of things—overwhelmed, weak, and perhaps most importantly of all, so fucking desperate to make you feel just as good.

you don’t hear her at first. jiwon was speaking in a small voice since she was still weak from everything you did, but you do hear her later on. “come here, baby,” the nickname practically sends you scurrying over on top of her again. jiwon wipes your chin clean with her hand, smiling brightly at you as she pulls you in for a sweet kiss. she can taste herself on your lips and your tongue, and a part of her understands why you’re so addicted. “unnie’s turn, hm?” she whispers against your lips… but her kisses have sent your brain elsewhere, hence your surprised gasp when you felt her gently rub your clit through your panties.

“hah… you’re still super sensitive here?” jiwon asked.

“t-that’s my clit, unnie.. of course, i’m—ahh—sensitive there…” cheeky. even when you’re the one at her mercy now. you pulled your panties off, throwing over to the pile of clothes on the carpeted floor. jiwon was teasing you: tracing your lips with her fingers, barely letting her fingertips touch your entrance, and not even giving your clit the attention it needs now. you whine as you grind down on jiwon’s hand, desperate for more contact but she refuses to touch you.

“aww, what’s with that face?” jiwon coos, laughing slightly. you had a mix of desperation and irritation on your face. it was annoying how she was being annoying, especially at such a crucial time but you knew the exact thing you had to do to get her going.

“unnie. please. i need you…” you pleaded. jiwon leans back on the pillow behind her, finding it so amusing to watch you slowly lose every ounce of self-respect just so you can cum. fuck, if jiwon wanted to be cruel, she could! she could make you beg all night, see those pretty eyes of yours shine with tears as you cry… the sick part of jiwon really wanted it all to come true, but she’s missed you too much to prolong this any further. and so, she pushes your face closer to her by the back of your neck, kissing you passionately just to get you to calm down.

one word jiwon would use to describe how she felt for the events that followed? relieving.

it was relieving to feel your warmth around the three fingers she inserted in your pussy at once, to feel your tongue inside her mouth, to bleed slightly from the way you held onto her arms so tightly, and it was most relieving to hear you say her name so sweetly. you can have such a dirty mouth with so many vulgar words to say, especially from years before when you were younger, but whenever you were with jiwon, you were a different person. jiwon was one of the only people who you allowed to see you like this: soft, weak, and so endearing. it seems like you haven’t changed that aspect about you, and that fact within itself was relieving to jiwon.

“unnie…!” you buried your head on the crook of jiwon’s neck as you felt every inch of her fingers brush against all of your sweet spots. as expected, things were always different when it came to jiwon. being so vulnerable to other people terrified you to the point where it was almost impossible to let your heart open to them, but jiwon made it so simple. but now that you were right here, looking at jiwon and feeling her everywhere, maybe it wasn’t just simply her that made it possible for you to let yourself fall.

wait… fall?

yes. fall. all this time—you’ve fallen for jiwon but too many things made it complicated for you to fully embrace it. but now you are ready.

“i’m so happy, (y/n),” jiwon’s voice felt like a dream. you almost couldn’t hear her properly due to how much her fingers overwhelmed you. the older girl used her free hand to lift your chin, making you look at her, before kissing your lips—it has always been her favorite thing to do. “i’m so happy you came back to me. i don’t know how to express how much i missed you… surely not with words, not even with this…” jiwon plunges her fingers deep, shushing you while you moan loudly. god, she knew you too well. knew which spot to hit to get you to lose your mind, knew the exact words to whisper in your ear when she notices you were slipping away from reality, and knew exactly how to make your heart beat like it never has before.

jiwon pulls her index finger out, now fucking you faster than she ever has with the only fingers she has inside you. “good girl. god, baby… you’re getting me wet again.” jiwon locks one of her legs around yours, keeping you in place. her palm slams against your sensitive clit, bringing tears to your eyes even though you grinded on her hand desperately to feel it over and over again. part of the reason why jiwon always needed to be the one to be fucked first is because you get so tired after your turn that you just pass out, and you never got out of that habit it seems. jiwon sees how the light was escaping your eyes, it was only a matter of time before you were too exhausted to keep yourself awake.

“hm, we have to be careful, huh? can you handle it, love?”

you nodded frantically, afraid that she’d slow down had you answered otherwise, “y-yes..! ahh, yes, i can. i can, unnie.. i can—mmhn..! i can take it…” you started moving your hips, riding jiwon’s fingers just to get closer and closer for that climax you’ve been chasing after the entire night. jiwon was thoroughly amused at how determined you were. normally, you’d give up or tap out if you found it all too much, but jiwon knows you want to be good for her. especially after all this time.

“you’re so cute… but don’t worry, baby,” jiwon places a sweet, deep kiss on your damp forehead. “we have all the time in the world now.”

a curl of her fingers later and you were cumming on jiwon’s hand. the older girl stopped her movements, afraid of overstimulating you. she whispers sweet words into your ears as you let yourself go, at least that's what you think she’s doing. you could barely keep your eyes open, let alone hear. but despite your consciousness slowly slipping away from you, you still felt jiwon gently lay you down on the spot next to her. she holds you close enough that she is within kissing distance.

she was so perfect—how could you have left her?

“unnie…” you tucked a piece of her behind her ear. her laugh makes your ears tingle. you faintly hear her ask if you’re feeling okay, to which you nodded weakly at. you can see her lips move, she was saying a few things, but you can’t hear her over the sound of your heartbeat. you cup her cheek, lean close, and kiss her. maybe it was your favorite thing to do, just like her. and then, words that have always been expected to be unsaid leave your lips. some feelings that have been kept hidden, secrets that you were afraid of letting slip.

“i love you, jiwon-unnie.”

long overdue, sure. even jiwon felt it before you ever said it to her. but she thinks that your bashful smile, the way you shyly looked away from her, and your precious reaction to her saying it back made it all worth the wait.

[genyawritesshizz]

Promotion - Sentinel Prime X Reader

Spending your days endlessly mining energon you yearned to one day be promoted. To finally free yourself from the frame aching work of the mines. Yet when you catch the optics of the Sentinel Prime, that promotion may come at a terrible cost, maybe you should have read the fine print.

Tbh it’s very little plot mostly just smut.

18+ ONLY

IVE NEVER WRITTEN FOR TRANSFORMERS NOR HAVE I READ MUCH FIC OF IT BUT I TRIED TO GET THE TERMS RIGHT BUT YA KNOW, ITS A LOT.

Possible part 2, we’ll see how this does.

WARNING: Dubious consent, emotional manipulation, Power Imbalance, (TBH Sentinel is a walking red flag), Sexual Coercion, Size kink, SMUT, Cybertronian reader,

This is essentially just robot porn I'm sorry to all my anime followers :(

The first time Sentinel Prime had set his optics on you he knew, much to his initial disgust, he wanted you. 

A miner. 

Of all the femme’s at his disposal the one that at last managed to catch his gaze was a cogless, bottom level, miner. 

“That thing?” With a snarled lip and multiple sets of trailing skeptical eyes, Airachnid's own revulsion was evident. Far down below the balcony on which they stood, walking the bustling city streets you at last returned to his hungry gaze. 

“Unfortunately so.”

Primus, what an honor it was to be within the presence of Cybertrons protector, the bot who single handedly protected all Cybertronians from the Quintessons; Sentinel Prime. 

After being approached by Arachnid and ordered to follow her you had initially feared you had broken an unknown protocol, resulting in a demotion. Yet much to your shock within the gold columned building you had been led to he was there.

The look of pure admiration within your optics as you stared up to him in awe coupled with the now quiet whir of your internal fans as your spark raced within his mere presence fed his already raging primal desire.

Such blind naivety.

"Walk with me. I’d like to discuss something important." His tone was warm but carried a weight of authority. One you could not help but blindly follow. 

The two of you stroll through the empty corridors, arachnid standing guard just outside of its entrance.

“Tell me, have you always felt bound to the mines? Or have you ever imagined something greater for yourself?" You shift, pace faltering a smidge, taken aback by his directness. You're proud of your work as a miner but can’t deny that you’ve thought about rising above this level.

"The mines are… Well, they’re home. I have my friends down there. But I’ve always wanted to do more…to make a real difference for Cybertron." 

Sentinel nods, his optics narrowing slightly. Searing blue scanned from the top of your dull paint chipped helm to your transfixed gaze, (noting how you subconsciously averted it away from him when noticing his search), down to your chin.

A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips, signaling his satisfaction in finding whatever he had hunted for. 

Vulnerability suited you well.

"I could see that. You carry yourself with a strength that is rare, even among the most seasoned warriors." 

His confident stride deviates him closer to you and he lowers his voice just a touch. 

"Cybertron needs warriors with your spirit. And not just in the mines. In places where real change can be forged." 

His words spark something in you. Your gaze sharpened, instantly locking with his, the once thick humility gives way to a flicker of pride. 

‘Is he going to promote me?’ You hopefully thought. You had been working your frame down to the wire for the last few rotations in hopes of this.

Sentinel picks up the change in demeanor immediately. Before continuing his sweet talk, he comes to a complete stop and turns towards you.

His frame is significantly larger than yours, as to be expected when comparing a cogless to a Prime.

Though, the way he truly towered over you left you feeling far weaker than usual as he had to bend down significantly to reach optic level with you.

"Too often, talents like yours go overlooked down there. Others might not see it, but I do. Imagine if you were to rise up, to stand among those who shape Cybertron’s future. Those who ensure our planet’s place as the greatest in the galaxy." With each passing word he had leaned closer, faceplate now mere centimeters from yours.

Your spark fluttered. 

His venting flowed deliciously warm against your intake.

Proximity feedback signals fired on high and energon lines pumped furiously fast. 

Yet despite your system's shock at his actions, you could not look nor move away.

“You really think… I could be that?”

A set of servos planted themself around your lower chassis, their span long enough to completely wrap around you. 

Your servers struggled to process exactly what was happening, focusing solely on the swirling lights of blue that threatened to swallow you whole.

“I know you can.”

The digits ensnaring your waist tightened, pulling you flush against his wide frame. 

His helm delved lower, denta lightly nipping at the sensitive wires between the spaces of your minimal plating. 

The second you beeped in surprise then melted into his embrace, helm craning to the side allowing him further access, he knew once again. 

You were not going anywhere. 

But then again, why would you want to?

When your protector was so kind enough to show you, a nobody, such special affection. 

Never had you anticipated that you would ever find yourself within a Primes personal suite yet here you were. Sprawled out atop a luxurious berth, hidden away from the rest of Iacon city, with desires you had never even thought to dream of coming true.

Your gracious leader's frame was reduced to a hunched, yet still ever imposing, form as he kneels between your legs. Your modesty paneling had long since been retracted, revealing your array to his hungry gaze, and allowing you to relish in all the new sensations your Prime was bestowing upon you.

No, in all your cycles you had never found the desire to fragbond with someone. Yet now as Sentinel Prime’s silver glossa ravenously glides through the throbbing mesh of your valve and mouthpiece occasionally latching onto your external node you cannot believe your hesitancy for such pleasures. 

To think you had gone for so long without.

Not to worry, never again shall you ever have to suffer such a fate.

It is extremely out of character for Sentinel to give his partner's pleasure this way or in any way/to care about it. 

Normally he wastes no time in pleasuring others, he was a busy man after all. Instead focusing solely on his own release within others bodies then disposing of them.

But something about having you pinned beneath one of his arms, the other easily reaching over your head to hold your wrists down, the way you cried out for him, your Prime, and to be completely at his mercy…It has his spike twitching beneath his own paneling.

Savagely he feasts upon your now swollen valve, thick glossa entering your spasming opening, nose buried atop your external node.

“M-my, oh Primus! - My Prime I-” You were completely unfamiliar with the feeling boiling inside you, it felt as though a coil was winding. Each intrusion of his glossa only pulled it tighter.

“That’s right, say my name.” A smug smirk tugged itself into the corners of his faceplate before he delved back where you so desperately wanted him. 

You looked and sounded both pathetic and desperate.

He loved it.

“Sentinel!”

Overloading into the mouth of said mech was absolutely euphoric.

Though despite your high, he was left utterly displeased to hear you leave off the Prime in your cry.

He had earned that title.

It was his name.

You would learn the error of your mistake soon.

He did not ask permission to continue. 

Standing up from his crouched position, the grip that once held you down now flipped you onto your chest plate and dragged you towards the edge of his berth, allowing your legs to dangle off the edge.

Even on the tips your pedes you would still not touch the golden floor beneath.

Positioning your aft up into an arch he at last retracted his paneling, allowing his spike to spring free. 

Central processor still short circuiting under the throws of overloading, you did not even notice the shift in position.

Once your intake had returned to normal your mind followed suit, catching up to the reality of what was happening.

Yet it was too late to protest as something sickeningly thick prodded at your valve's still quivering entrance.

It felt like far too much.

Trying to squirm away from it you're met with a dark chuckle and thick digits atop your shoulder, easily pulling you back down into position.

“Where do you think you're going? We're just getting started sweetspark”

The moment the head of his spike entered, you felt an immediate sense of dread wash over and a cold shiver through your struts. 

“Too big...” Your vocalizer had barely returned, causing the whine to sound utterly pitiful, drowned in static and served only to feed Sentinel's ego.

“Hm? What's that?” Leaning over your form, faceplate centimeters away from your audio receptors, steam rolled with his words; fogging over the heaving metal of your shoulder plates.

“Frag…You-You’re too big.”

“Oh, do you want me to stop?” His tone was high in pitch and laced with manipulation. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint your Prime now would you?” 

A strangled whimper and a shake of your head ‘no’ gave little confirmation to his taunt in ‘permitting’ him to keep going, not that he cared whichever direction your response led. 

Even if you wanted to stop, you had no power to break away from him.

A deep, dominating, chuckle bubbled within his chest plate. “I thought not. You’re serving me, a great honor really.”

It felt like being pried open, the way his spike speared into your clamping valve was utterly painful. 

Despite your cries you attempted to stay still as the gold winged Prime behind you continued to push further. 

Each half centimeter only served to strengthen the burn.

Halfway in you had closed your optics, denta plates gritted tightly shut. 

“Take it all, I know you can.”

The same four words that once filled you with hope now filled you with burning heat.

You will take what he is so graciously giving you. 

Finally, after what felt like eternity, his entire spike was successfully sheathed inside. 

Though this was just the beginning.

“So tight,” Your body was clamped around the intruder in a vise grip. Desperately begging for it to be removed. “So small.”

His pace was brutally fast. The servos on your shoulder and hip kept you from escaping or sliding too far away from his attack. 

Surprisingly, after a few klicks, the tight inner calipers of your valve slowly loosened. His spike, now slathered in a combination of fluids, began sliding without much resistance. 

At last, a few surges of pleasure coursed through your system. 

Soon both of you were grunting, occasionally moaning. Though your sounds far outnumbered his. 

Your servos clenched into the smooth bedding atop his berth, surely tearing the fabric though in this moment neither of you cared. However it was something he would be sure to punish you for later. 

“You're mine, little miner.” His hips pistoned faster, slamming against your aft, surely to leave you sore. “All Mine.”

In response all you could do was hold on tighter, moaning louder with each intense slam.

“I’ll. never. let. you. go.” Each word sent another wicked surge into your swollen valve.

Blind sighted by the throes of pleasure bordering on overstimulation his words simply did not translate in your faltering audio receptors.

Though he meant every bit of it.

Helm falling back and a loud moan echoing throughout the gold-plated room, his overload blazed hot through his system. Filling your already stuffed valve to the brim with his transfluid.

Fans whirling on high, neither of you moved from your conjoined position for a few klicks.

After he's regained his senses fully, he removes himself from your valve, being sure to marvel at his work of completely ruining your once virgin body with a devilish smirk. Admiring the way his bright blue transfluid seeped from your still clenching valve.

Though this will be far from the last time he sees you like this.

With wobbling arms, you attempted to rise, though as you began to lift yourself up a large servos pushed you back down.

"We're not done."

True to his word, you had earned a promotion.

Fitted with only the finest armor paneling and a fresh coat of paint you had earned yourself the pristine position of his pet.  

A position you held with utmost dignity, after all you were serving your Prime.

[outofmydepthatapublicbeach]

to fall in deeper - Julien Baker x lacy!reader

jj chats: this has been one of the longest things ive written on this account and i am very proud of it!!! i hope this lives up to any expectations!!! also i recommend reading the first part before reading this it is linked here!

word count: almost 2000!!!

warnings: RPF, use of y/n, reader is a musician/famous, julien is kinda mean, someone passes out (not the reader, the boys or muna), reader calls julien 'jay'.

inspired by the request: i lovvved your love Julien fic based on lacy SO much!!! you’re crazy talented <3 would you consider writing more parts of it? 🎀🩷 like maybe how julien falls more and more in love and maybe an eventual angry love confession from julien, and their first date/kiss?

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

When MUNA went on tour, they asked their dear friends to perform as openers. It was on billboards and spread across social media: “Boygenius and (Y/N): openers for The Greatest Band in the World”. All parties were ebullient, another few months of music, laughter, and fun. Everyone except Julien Baker, Julien wasn’t pleased when she found out you were the other opener. She despised the feeling she got in her gut when your name was mentioned, she couldn’t decide what it meant. She was torn between it being contempt or admiration. She didn’t like not knowing, she didn’t like the fact she couldn’t figure you out, let alone figure out her own feelings for you. 

So far the tour had been faring well. There were huge crowds showing up every night, all screaming out the lyrics to their favorite MUNA hits. Everything was going well, until August 6th, a Friday night. It was exceptionally hot and it was starting to take a toll on the musicians. However  they were all pushing through, they had loud fans backstage that gave them some relief from the heat and could basically get away with no shirt on stage. So far, the night was going well, besides the heat. Lucy and Julien sat in front of a large fan, while Phoebe and you stood in front of another one. MUNA was performing on stage, while you all waited until the last song, “Silk Chiffon” . It was always a nice surprise to the fans when you four came bobbing up on stage singing along, dancing with one another. 

Phoebe sighed, turning towards you “Want to go back with me to get some water?”

Your eyes darted to the right, where your water bottle stood proud and tall, still about half full. “No Pheobs I’m okay! I’ll walk with you though!” 

“Oh no dude you’re good,” The platinum blond turned to Lucy and proposed the same question.

“Yeah my water ran out like 5 minutes ago,” Lucy hopped up from her seat, moving towards an already upright Phoebe who was wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, sweat droplets rolling off. “Be right back guys!” 

Before they turned the corner you checked the time and yelled to the singers “I think there's only two more songs till Silk Chiffon so hurry!” Lucy and Phoebe nodded to you and continued their walk to wherever they were storing the water bottles. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted Julien rolling her eyes.

You turned your body to hers, you ignored her obvious irritation towards you and smiling you asked, “You good Julien? I got some water if you need it!”

“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks.” The tattooed woman replied, curtly. 

“Ohhhkay,” you said, confused by her tone. You thought for a minute going back over the day to see if you did anything that would warrant that reaction. You couldn’t find anything, but you did remember how Julien really hadn’t ever been that cordial to you, not since that night outside the restaurant where she found you crying. In a moment of panic you asked the woman sitting 5 feet from you, “Did I do something?”

Julien turned towards you, obviously dumbstruck by your question. She hesitated before responding, you could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes, “No, you didn’t do anything.”

Quickly you replied, desperate to figure out where you went wrong. “You act weird around me.”

You could see a flash of panic move over Julien;s face before it was replaced with a look of annoyance. “How do I act weird around you?” Julien asked as if it was the most absurd sentence you could have chosen to have said. 

“You don’t talk to me ever, you avoid me, you don’t reply to my texts in the groupchat. Yesterday on stage you avoided me every chance you got. I get that we aren’t really close but do you have to pretend like I’m not even there? Like I don’t even matter?” Your voice started to strain towards the end of your dialogue, you could feel your eyes start to water.

“I-I don’t-” 

Julien was cut off by a very energetic Phoebe who came skipping backstage.  “We’re on stage in like a minute guys! Grab your mics!” 

You quickly got up, blinking back your tears as you approached a table, grabbing a mic. You settled your breathing as Lucy came up to you. “You okay?” She asked, voice laced with worry.

“Mhm! I’m fine! I think the heat is just getting to me!” You replied, your voice steady. You’re honestly surprised at how fast you pulled yourself together.

MUNA was on stage finishing up their second to last song for the night when Katie yelled into her microphone, “Thank you all for such a gorgeous night! We have one last song! Can you all welcome our guests to the stage please?” The crowd begins to go crazy. 

One by one the 4 of you run out on stage as the band starts playing “Silk Chiffon”. Your eyes scan over the crowd, everyone is having an amazing time, they all look tired, but in a euphoric concert driven tiredness. Until you spot one girl near the front of the barricade. She looks as if she's about to pass out, and the people around her don’t seem to notice. You brush it off, but decide to keep an eye on her just in case something happens.

As the band starts to play the music fills your body, heating your veins with electricity. You move the mic to your mouth as you sing background for Katie. This was always one of your favorite parts of the show, the harmony between all of your voices, the feeling of being alive and showing it through music. Phoebe rushes up to you and grabs your wrist, twirling you around and smiling wide at you. She leans in and gives you a kiss on your cheek before your bodies find natural sync, dancing together. Everything always gets too chaotic when the 7 of you are all on stage. AS your eyes move from  Phoebes to the rest of the talent on stage you spot Julien glaring at you, your cheeks redden and you can’t distinguish whether it's from the heat or the shorter woman's dangerous stare.

Suddenly you remember that girl in the audience and when you look back to her place, you see her almost going limp, merely held up by the sweating bodies around her. Immediately your mind moves fast, remembering your highschool first aid lessons on heat stroke. Your brain quickly runs down her obvious symptoms and realizes it could be severe dehydration or worse, heat stroke. You quickly let go of Phoebe's arm and run backstage to grab a water bottle and someone to help you. 

Phoebe is confused, her eyes follow you backstage until she sees you grab a bottle of water. Too caught up in the moment she thinks you need a drink. She assumes nothing is wrong and then goes over to Jo to dance with her. The others don't realize your absence, too caught up in the song. Except Julien.

Julien was keeping a close eye on you when you were on stage, she saw every time you glanced at that specific spot in the barricade. Though she didn’t follow you, not until you suddenly appeared on the lawn in front of the stage with a medical professional and a security guard. 

You run to the dehydrated woman and then help her get to a cooler spot, and give her small sips of water to hydrate her. You couldn’t care less about the concert at that point, too concentrated on making sure this person was alright. 

Julien’s stomach started to churn, once again you were proving to her that you were perfect. There wasn’t anything Julien could flaw you on at this point. You stopped singing in the middle of a concert to go and take care of someone in need. How could she avoid her true feelings now? 

The song came to a close, and the bands lined up, wrapping their arms around each other's waists and bowing. Naomi, Jo and Katie blew kisses to the crowd and then they all walked offstage, a concert well performed. 

As Phoebe looked backstage she didn’t see you. She turned to the group and asked, “Did anyone see where (Y/N) went?” 

It came as a surprise to everyone when Julien answered, “They went to help someone in the audience, I saw them with medical.” 

Everyone nodded, Jo hoped the person was okay. Katie and Naomi went to ask someone about what had happened. It wasn’t soon after that you showed up.

Walking back to where you had just appeared from, Naomi and Katie both asked you “What happened?”

You told them that “Some girl in the barricade got really dehydrated and passed out, but she’s alright now!” 

A sigh of relief was heard from all 6 people, relieved that everyone was okay. Small chit chat was made until Jo spoke up “Okay I don’t know about you guys but it is hot as hell out here and I am going somewhere with air conditioning!”

“Finally someone said it!”

“Thank god I was starting to think I’d melt,”

Naomi, Katie, Lucy, and Phoebe dispersed after Jo, all talking about some record they’d listened to recently or where to get takeout from.

Julien stayed behind, and just as you were about to follow after the others she caught your arm. You turned towards her, “What’s up Jay?” The nickname leaves your lips in a second before you could think to not say it. 

Julien looked at you strangely and let go of your arm, not really realizing she had grabbed it in the first place. Another round of butterflies flew through her body as you looked at her questioningly.. “That was super cool what you did for that girl. Leaving mid song I mean.” 

You sighed, you were starting to get frustrated with her antics. Did she loathe you? Were you two friends? It seemed every other minute her feelings towards you changed. It was confusing the hell out of you. “Thanks.” You clipped, starting to walk away.

“That’s it?” Julien asked from behind you.

As you turned back around you noticed she stood as if trying to make her 5 foot frame seem taller, not that it was working. “What?”

“‘Thanks.’ That’s all you're gonna say? Normally you're much more chatty,” Julien laughed.

“I don’t know what you want from me Julien.” 

Julien pauses, looking at you with questions written all over her face.

“When I talk to you, you get snippy and you’re mean. When I don’t talk to you, you want me to talk more. I don’t get what your deal is with me?” You whisper-yelled, afraid someone from the crew would see your argument.

“I-” Julien stuttered, not being able to come up with anything to say.

Finally done with the back and forth banter that has been hurting your feelings ever since you met Julien you declared, “If you don’t want to be my friend just say it.”

Julien looked at you, eyes wide. You watched her as the gears turned in her head, trying to come up with what to say. You gave her a chance to explain herself, you set a mental timer of 30 seconds, if she didn’t say anything then you would go away. 

Those 30 seconds flew by without a peep from Julien, your eyes teared up as you spoke, “Fine, I’ll see you later I guess.” Turning around you went to your tour bus, wondering what you did to get Julien to dislike you so.

The only thing going through Julien’s mind was how she screwed up, bad.

[stellar-skyy]

Hellooo!! May I please request Зима as a lover? Just sweet fluff with how he caught feelings, how he expresses his love, silly things about him, headcanons, etc. I hope this wasn't too confusing and I'm super sorry if I broke one of the rules, you can just ignore this if I did. Thank you so much nevertheless!!

WINTER ADRIFT — Zima x reader.

i. SUMMARY: Zima as a lover. ii. CONTENT WARNINGS: None! iii. NOTES: Fluff, so fluffy, headcanons, gn!reader, 0.7k words. iv. A/N: Hiii anon!! I was really happy to write this, I love this silly little man. Thank you for the request! ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ

Zima is a very serious looking person. He doesn’t smile often, his words are few and far between, and when he does speak it is quiet and under his breath.

Despite this somewhat intimidating appearance, Zima is a very soft person at heart. He adores his little bird, his notebooks filled with scribbled poetry and other writings, and of course you. 

You, who appeared in his life as quickly as rainfall, bringing a certain light that he’d never experienced before. You, who split his life into two: the Before, and the After.

Before, he was a lonely poet wandering the Far East, with no one but wild animals to keep him from complete isolation. There was only his bird, his poems. It was a quiet life, one that let loneliness seep in far too quickly for his liking, but it was predictable and calm.

And then came the After. Before, he didn’t mind the solitude. But After—After, he couldn’t bear it, because he’d finally gotten a taste of what it was like to not be alone.

Zima’s days turned from sitting still for hours, writing diligently in his notebook, to walking alongside you through trees, watching the snow fall against his windows together, and baking bread in a kitchen far too small for two.

He fell for you very quickly, even if it took a while for him to realize it. It was only when he reflected upon his notebook and its contents, and noticed the sheer amount of writings dedicated to you. He doesn’t quite focus on his work after he’s penned it, so it was easy enough for the poems to be composed and then tucked away into his mind without realizing how many of them were a reflection on his feelings towards you.

By the time the two of you were properly together, he had already written enough to spill the contents of his heart ten times over.

He’s a very early riser, so he always ends up waking up before you. When he wakes up, he likes to look over at you; to watch your chest rise and fall in a careful rhythm, and observe the way your lips slightly part with every puff of breath. He’ll brush a hand over your forehead first, moving any loose strands of hair out of the way, before pressing a quick kiss to it.

Physical affection isn’t easy for him—in fact, he’s rather shy about it. He would prefer to hold your hand or chastely kiss your cheek rather than be overly affectionate, but if you ask for a hug or kiss, he won’t refuse.

(He gives amazing hugs. Just tight enough to feel secure without being restricting, and warm enough to keep away the winter chill.)

Even if he wants to shower you in sweet words and compliments, he isn’t flawless in the language and sometimes his speech fails him. Talking out loud is more difficult than writing, so the loving compliments he does give you are to be treasured.

Instead of words, he leaves you with gifts. A poem, dedicated to you. Wildflowers, picked from the snow and tied together with a ribbon. Baked foods, each more delicious than the last.

He’ll spend hours with you, not talking, just existing in the same space as him. If you sit with him long enough, you’ll be able to hear quiet mumbles under his breath as he becomes fully absorbed in his writing.

He knew he loved you as soon as the animals became as comfortable around you as they were around him. It began with his bird, who despite being all but glued to his side ever since they had met, decided to land on top of your head and settle in your hair. Next came the rabbits, and the ferrets, and then all of the rest of the creatures.

Those animals were his companions, his friends. It was inevitable they would love you just as much as he did, and seeing them warm up to you so quickly was only further proof that you were the one for him.

Seeing you sitting there, with his bird nestled into the crook of your neck, a fox curled on your lap and an elk resting at your side…

He can’t think of a moment where he’s felt more content.

“Hmm? What are you smiling about?”

“Ah… it is nothing… you simply look… perfect."

reblogs and comments are appreciated! ♡

[writingsfromhome]

Dos and Don’ts IV

A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3

Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

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We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.

Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.

With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.

The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.

“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”

I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.

“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.

“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”

“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“

“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”

“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”

“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”

“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”

“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”

The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.

“Thanks,” I say through tears.

And the girls hold me to their promise.

After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.

We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.

Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.

As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.

The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.

We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.

“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.

Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”

I shake my head no.

“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.

I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.

We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.

The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.

“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.

“Hey!” I shout back.

“Que pasa?”

“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.

He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.

The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.

He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”

“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”

“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.

I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.

He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.

I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.

When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.

When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.

I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.

It ends in a split second.

“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.

“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.

“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.

Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.

“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.

“Y/n what are you doing out there?”

“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”

He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.

Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”

“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”

“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”

“Whatever I’m over this convo.”

I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.

“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”

“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”

“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”

“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” He insists.

“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”

“It’s for your own good!”

He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.

Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.

“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.

With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.

But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”

I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.

I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.

Hypocrite.

I drop my hand.

“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”

I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.

I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.

I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.

“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”

My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.

I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.

“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”

“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”

“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”

It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.

“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”

“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“

“It’s night.”

“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”

“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”

I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.

I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.

I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.

I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.

On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.

Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.

“Hi I need a room.” I say.

“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”

I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.

“Just a night. I need your best room please.”

“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”

“The best room will do. Preferably large.”

“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”

I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.

“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”

“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.

“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”

I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.

“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.

“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”

They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.

The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.

The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.

I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.

“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”

“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”

We stare at each other for a tense moment.

“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”

After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.

He chooses to ignore me.

“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“

His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.

I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.

“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.

I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.

“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”

He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.

“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”

“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”

“Do you always have to be so snarky?”

Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.

“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”

“It’s really quite unbecoming.”

“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”

“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.

“I never let anything go?” I repeat.

“Yeah! Ever!”

“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.

��Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”

“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”

“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”

“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”

With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.

“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.

“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”

“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”

“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”

“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”

“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“

“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.

“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”

“What did I say?”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.

“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”

“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“

“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”

“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”

“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”

“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”

“Then quit!”

“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.

“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”

“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”

“Whatever y/n.”

“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”

“What? I told you I was looking out-“

“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”

I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.

“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”

Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.

“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”

“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”

“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”

His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.

“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!

When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.

But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.

He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.

My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.

Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.

“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.

In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.

Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.

"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.

"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.

He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.

He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.

I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”

“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”

His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.

“D’you really hate me?” He asks.

“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.

He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.

“Do you hate me?” He asks again.

“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.

“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.

The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.

Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.

“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.

“Okay?” He asks low.

I nod, grateful that he was taking over.

And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.

After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.

His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.

And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.

His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.

“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.

I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.

I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.

I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.

My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.

I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.

The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.

I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.

***

We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.

I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.

London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.

I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.

These thoughts kept me preoccupied.

It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.

It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.

I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.

When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.

Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.

I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.

“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.

“So,” I echo.

We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.

“We should sit?”

“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”

I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”

“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”

“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”

Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.

Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.

“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”

He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”

I nod. Not sure what to say to that.

“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.

“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”

“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”

“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”

I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.

I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.

On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.

Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.

I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.

I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.

“Mr. Styles?”

“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.

“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”

The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.

“What is that?”

“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.

His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.

“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.

I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”

His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.

“Is this a joke?”

“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”

“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.

“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”

By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.

“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”

“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.

He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.

I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,

“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”

He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.

He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.

When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”

Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.

“Uh y/n please come i-“

“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.

For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.

I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.

Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.

“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.

When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.

“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.

“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”

“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”

“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“

“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.

“We dealt with that article.”

Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.

“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”

“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”

Shit. “Um. Burnout?”

The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.

“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”

He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?

“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.

“Tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”

He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.

When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.

“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.

“Sure,” I reply.

“Is it because of that night?”

It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.

Wait, he wanted an answer.

“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.

He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.

***

Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”

Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”

“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”

This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.

“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”

Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”

“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.

“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.

“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”

I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”

We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.

I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.

We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.

He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.

And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.

Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.

At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.

The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.

“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”

Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.

Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.

“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.

“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”

We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.

We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.

I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.

***

Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.

Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.

The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.

I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.

We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.

I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.

On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.

I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.

“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”

“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”

Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”

He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.

Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.

“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.

“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.

I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.

My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.

I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.

I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.

I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.

The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.

••••••••••••••••••••

Present (2 years on):

My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.

Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.

Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.

“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.

“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”

I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”

“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.

“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”

“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.

“Of course I do.”

“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”

I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.

“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.

“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“

“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”

Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.

“What are you doing here? At The Violinist?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”

He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”

I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.

Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.

“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”

“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“

“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“

“You seemed to have.”

His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.

“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”

The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.

I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.

I’d rather van gogh my ear.

I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.

“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.

“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.

He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.

“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.

“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”

“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.

“Never ends well,” I eye the door.

“Just as stubborn as I remember.”

“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.

He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”

I shake my head. He should know that by now.

“Can I walk you out at least?”

I shrug, couldn’t hurt.

“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.

“What?”

“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”

“I thought we could be friendly exes.”

And when did he get so cheeky.

“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”

“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”

“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”

“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”

“Nooo. You’re being weird.”

"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."

I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.

Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.

“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.

“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.

“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”

“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.

“How do you like that?”

“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.

But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.

“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”

My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.

And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.

We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.

“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.

“I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”

He huffs an awkward laugh.

“Anyway this is me—

“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.

We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.

“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”

“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”

“A few weeks,” I reply.

He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?

“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.

His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?

“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.

“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”

“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“

“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”

Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.

“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”

This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.

“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.

“Right.” I choke out.

He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”

I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”

Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”

I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.

“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.

On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.

Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.

***

Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.

Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.

When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.

I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.

I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.

“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.

“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”

We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.

“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”

“No,” I laugh.

“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.

“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”

“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”

“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”

“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”

“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.

“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”

“Yes!”

“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.

“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”

“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.

“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”

“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“

“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.

“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.

“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“

“Y/N?”

Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.

She didn’t tell him.

“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.

“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”

It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.

It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.

What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.

These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.

“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.

Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.

“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”

She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.

“I am really sorry,” she whispers.

“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”

“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”

I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.

I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.

“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”

“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.

“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”

“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”

“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.

With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.

“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“

We stop and chuckle awkwardly.

“Sorry,” I shake my head.

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”

“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”

I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”

“Fair. How’s America?”

“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”

“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.

He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.

“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”

“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.

“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”

We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.

It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.

“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”

“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.

“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”

Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.

“Who?”

That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.

“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”

“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.

But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.

“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.

“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”

They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.

“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.

“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.

“No it’s ok!”

“I don’t know why she acted like that-“

“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“

“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”

It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.

Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.

I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.

So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.

“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”

Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”

“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”

“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”

“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”

Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.

I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.

Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.

I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.

I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.

I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.

My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.

I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.

He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??

I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.

Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?

Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.

I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.

Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.

I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.

***

I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.

“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.

“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.

We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.

“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”

Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.

“Josefina Duran,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”

“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”

We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”

Famous last words.

It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.

I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.

“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.

I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.

Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.

By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.

As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.

“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“

“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”

Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.

“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”

“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”

She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.

And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.

We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.

She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?

“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”

“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”

“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”

“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”

“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”

“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.

“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.

I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.

As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.

“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”

“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”

What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.

“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”

“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”

“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”

“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.

“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”

I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.

“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”

“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.

But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.

“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”

I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.

“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”

I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.

“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.

My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.

“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”

“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.

I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.

I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.

Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.

Now it was just a hand.

I clasp it and he squeezes.

“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.

I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.

Too much was happening at once.

My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.

I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?

His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night

I smile, despite myself.

Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.

H: For drinks?

Y: For drinks

H: Ofc.

***

The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.

For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.

I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.

I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.

“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.

“I did.”

I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.

He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.

His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.

The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.

I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.

My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.

But I am so tired.

I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.

“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.

I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.

"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.

I shake my head.

He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."

"I think I-“

“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”

I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.

He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.

“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.

“Then where?” He plays along.

“Anywhere but there.”

He kisses my nose. “There?”

“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”

He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”

But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.

With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.

“What?” I ask.

“We should take that drink first.”

I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.

“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.

He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”

“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”

“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.

“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”

“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why not?”

“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“

“Just let me talk then.”

“Why does everyone want to talk!”

“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“

“You already did-“

“Properly.”

I cross my arms and sigh.

“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”

“So this isn’t a great thing then.”

“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.

“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.

“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”

“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”

“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?

But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.

“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.

“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.

“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”

He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”

“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”

“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”

“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”

“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”

I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?

My heart flutters amongst other things.

I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.

“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“

“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”

“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”

I nod along to his story.

“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”

“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”

“You’re judging me.”

“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.

“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”

He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.

“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”

“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.

“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”

He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”

“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.

“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”

“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”

“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to be the villain in your story-“

“What?” What was he talking about?

“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”

I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.

“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”

“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.

“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“

“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“

“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”

I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.

Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.

My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”

“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.

“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“

“You don’t like my sensitivity.”

“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“

“Because of you.”

“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”

“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.

“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“

“It was really a lot of reasons.”

“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”

His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.

“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”

I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.

“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”

“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.

“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”

We smile.

“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”

His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.

I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.

“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”

“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”

“Same.”

His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.

His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.

We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”

Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.

But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.

“I want to do this.”

With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.

He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.

The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.

The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.

I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.

But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.

He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.

I nod.

He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.

It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.

He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.

He moves up to press his forehead against mine.

"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.

“What do you mean?”

“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“

“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.

"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”

“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”

He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.

I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.

I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.

It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.

"May I?" he looks up.

"Please," I whisper.

For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.

And it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.

“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.

“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.

Love. I brush the word away.

He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.

I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.

Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.

Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.

I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.

On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?

I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.

But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.

Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.

And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.

These people made me so angry.

How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.

I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.

Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.

How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.

Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.

I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.

Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.

I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.

Damn.

What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.

What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?

“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.

“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.

“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”

I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.

“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”

“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.

A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.

Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.

“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.

He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.

Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.

“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.

“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.

“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.

“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”

“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.

“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”

“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“

“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.

“But-“ he says behind my hand.

“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.

“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”

“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”

“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?

***

It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.

But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.

We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.

But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.

Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.

Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.

We still get under each other’s skin.

The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.

I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.

“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.

“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”

“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”

“Coincidence.”

“Liar.”

“I’m an honest man.”

“Truth please?”

“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”

“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”

“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”

“Really? How?”

“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”

He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.

“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”

“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”

“That’s a strong word.” He argues.

“You. Stalked. Me.”

“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.

“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.

“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.

“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”

“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”

“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”

His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.

“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”

It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”

When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.

We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.

“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”

He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”

I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”

“Whatever,” I say with a smile.

“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”

We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.

“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”

“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”

“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”

He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.

“What?”

“Really? You think it was the artcles?”

“Well what else happened that-“

Oh god. Was I that stupid?

Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.

A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”

“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”

I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?

“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.

“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”

His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.

“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”

His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”

“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“

“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“

“Well you were-“

“Yeah alright-“

“Why did you really pull me away though?”

“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”

“What?”

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”

My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.

“I was just your assistant though.”

“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”

“Yeah but-“

“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”

I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.

Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”

“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”

“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”

Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”

I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”

“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”

I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.

Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.

I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.

I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.

“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”

“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.

There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.

My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.

“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.

“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”

“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”

“I have a good feeling about it.”

“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”

I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.

“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”

“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”

“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”

I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.

“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“

“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”

He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.

“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”

“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.

He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.

***

I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.

I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.

I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.

So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.

I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.

I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.

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TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate

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Epilogue

[umadosedepascal]

72 HOURS WITH HIM | Pedro Pascal x f!reader| PART IV

Written by Santa trindade

Banner by @ithedevilsbaby

Made in Brazil

Pairing : Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: The shooting in Malta keeps going, all Pedro needs is a weekend off, well…he got it. Would you go meet him for only three days? Hmmm yes!

warning/rating: [first person][unprotected piv] [SMUT] [one bite] [Pedro dominates][overstimulation][holding neck] [slaps][take off your clothes][oral m receiving/f receiving][spitting] [eating cum][champagne on body][dirty talk]

w/c: 5.6k

a/n: you guys know Pedro is a sweetheart, but for us, in bed.. he is kinda diff. It can have fluff moments here and there but what we want is to see how dominating he is…with you. HAPPY NEW YEAR! 💦

"How far would you go for a wonderful sex?"

I have asked myself this question over and over again since Pedro called me two days ago, almost begging me to go to another continent just to see him for three days.

How far would I go? Well, it's a funny question, even a little embarrassing, but here I am landing at Malta airport.

When Pedro asked if I would like to stay with him for a weekend in Malta I thought it was a joke, because until then I thought he was in another place, it is difficult to keep up with his routine, we talk almost every day texting, he calls me whenever he can, for him the end of the day is the beginning for me.

This time he looked different on the phone, his voice a little tired, but the excitement was present, a little more excited than usual...

"Hey babe, listen... I'm in Malta now, we managed to advance a few scenes, that was crazy, but... I will not shoot for next few days, then I thought you could come, who knows... Stay with me, just three days if you want..."

He knew my answer would be yes, and in less than thirty minutes an email with a ticket to Malta was there.

As soon as I leave the airport gate, I see a man holding a sign with my last name, he drives me to the hotel. The city is beautiful, but I can barely pay attention on the landscape that runs through the window, my thought are on the last message that Pedro sent me.

"I can't wait to have you here with me..."

Pedro asked me to be confidential, even though I'm a complete stranger, he doesn't need this kind of attention now, so we are staying in separate rooms, for all the rest I'm just a tourist.

The room he got for me is ridiculously huge, huge bed, huge bathtub in the background, with framing pillars, giving an almost Greek touch, I could feel Aphrodite herself here.

I unpack my suitcase and get a short and fresh dress, I go to the bathroom, ignoring the desire to get into the bathtub.

_Later, dear, later_

I enter the bathroom and look in the mirror, seeing my reflection, biting my lower lip I think

_He's worth this whole trip. It's only three days, he'll be away for months, and fuck, I miss him so much... _

After a relaxing shower I get dressed and when I pick up my phone to send him a message, someone knocks on the door.

“Yeah? Who is it?” I ask while a message him.

“Room service” the voice says behind the door.

I didn't ask for room service, maybe I forgot something at the lobby. I go towards the door and when I open it, there he is, standing at the door side smile, his hands behind his back.

Before saying anything, I just stare at him, the good old yellow Lakers t-shirt, blue shorts with green details, striped socks and NB’s. He is hot, skin slightly tanned, messy hair, everything in him was so perfect that I could stare at him for hours. Seeing him there in front of me out of nowhere made me let out an involuntary sigh, which made his smile open more and say, knowing the power he had over me.

“I couldn't wait to see you...”

I pull him into the room, he closes the door behind him and pushes me to the wall, getting my lips close to his I say:

“Thanks for the invite, too bad we can't hang out here together..” he puts his lips in my ear and says in a whisper:

“I know babe, but you know the drill...” I smile and answer

“Yeah, I know... But i'm stocked whit this room... Look at this hot tub, you crazy” without thinking Pedro slides his hand off his back and goes down my right thigh and says:

“Exactly like my room, but you know what? I had a picture of us fucking on that hot tub... That's why I brought you here” so I feel the burning of the slap where his hand caressed me.

I take his hand and lead him to the mini bar, and say that I was waiting for him to choose us a drink, he frowns looking at the options and looks at me.

“Sparkling wine?” I say.

He takes off the seal with his mouth and laughs when the cork flies up screaming “To the hot tub!”. Laughing together he serves us, we toast looking at each other, the desire is already on fire. He looks at me, glazed on me. All his movements seem to be planned to drive me crazy.

He serves the glasses again while telling me the experience has been, he tells in such an excited way that I don’t realize it I'm smiling just from hearing him speak. We drank one, two, three glasses, while we are sitting on the benches of the mini bar. He speaks and I just listen, I could stay all night listening to the sound of his voice telling about anything, right now I'm so hypnotized that I don't care about anything else.

“You are beautiful babe... Did you get ready for someone in particular?” he says in an ironic but sensual tone, while rubbing his cold hand from the wine glass under my dress, gently smoothing my thigh, his thumb drawing circles on my skin.

“I’m here to meet someone, some hot guy” I return the affection, putting my hand on his thigh, walking with my fingers and squeezing slowly. The touch is so soft, but it seems to be enough to light something inside it.

“I'm here exclusively for him.”

Pedro straightens his posture on the bench and lets out a slow sigh, staring at me, a look of desire that I recognize perfectly, he has looked at me like this so many times.

He gets up from the bench and holds out his hand, inviting me to get up too. He lays his hands on my waist and squeezes slightly, pulling me closer to him. At this moment I feel that he is already hard, his body is hot, and I can say that mine is the same . Every second he touches me, it's a second more than I want him, I want to have him inside me, fuck all I want now is him inside me.

“What a lucky guy, huh?” he speaks bringing his lips closer to my neck, the hot air of his breath, beard shaving my skin, it chills me all over, I close my eyes and throw my head slightly back, exposing my neck more as he drags his teeth through my neck, the feeling of his body touching mine intensifies, his mouth touching my skin slowly makes me release a low moan.

“You have no idea how many times I dream of you here” he says softly while I arch my back

“I imagined you in that hot tub “ he says as he raises his head pointing to the jacuzzi, his fingers now play with the straps of the dress on my shoulders, he lowers them letting them fall to the sides.

“I imagined you screaming my name while I make you cum... I imagined several times, I even dreamed about it”

My body is taken by an overwhelming, wild desire, it knows exactly how to drive me crazy, and at this moment I can only formulate a single phase in response.

“Well, I'm here exclusively for you...make your dreams come true” smiling at him I watch his look darken

“You shouldn't say things like that babe... I can be very demanding” he says and I feel his fingers walking through my arms, until our hands are intertwined. He looks at my breasts still covered by the dress, he looks up slowly, stopping at my lips and moving on to my eyes.

His look is pure fire, that brown sea seems to be burning, and I can't wait to get burned.

Pedro takes my hands and guides him to front of his shorts, even through the fabric I can feel how hard he is, as soon as my hands find his cock, he pushes his hip forward and moans low when I squeeze him.

“Are you feeling this? How did I miss those hands…”

His hands go up to my face, framing my face he passes his thumb through my lower lip, I bite and pass my tongue soon after, this makes him bite his own lip, growling softly.

He lowers his fingers to my neck, holding firmly, lowering his nails so slowly that it makes me breathe heavily, I close my eyes feeling his touch, when I feel his hands go down to my breasts I open my eyes and face those eyes that are my doom.

His hands rest on the sides of my breasts, his thumbs slide until I find my nipples goosebumps, even under the fabric of the dress they are still visible.

“I have an idea” he moves away and sits back on the bench, one arm on the bench holding a glass and the other hand he wraps the shoelace of the shorts around his fingers. He looks at me for long seconds, I stand still, my body obeys him in a way that I am not able to explain.

“Slowly take off the dress for me... “

I feel my blood boiling, my heartbeats rise to my ears, my body burns, looking for him, in need of him.

I hold the dress on my breasts and slowly lower it, feeling his eyes burn me, the fabric slips and gets tangled up on my waist, I look at him and he is drinking the champagne while squeezing his cock over his shorts, with up and down movements.

“Fuck, you are so fucking hot you know that? Take off your clothes “ I push the dress down and then it falls into a puddle at my feet, leaving me only in black lace panties.

Pedro raises his right hand and calls me with two fingers, I walk to him feeling my legs shaking, but I keep my gaze fixed on his. He pulls me keeping me trapped between his legs, his hands holding my ass.

“ Now be a good girl and turn on that jacuzzi for us huh? “ he says giving me a strong slap in my side thigh, my skin burns.

I go to the hot tub, walking through the room only in panties and feeling his eyes follow my movements, I sit on the edge of that and press all the buttons that are there, I look at him and give a shy laugh confessing:

“I don't know how to...” he approaches and as he slowly climbs the steps he takes off his shirt by throwing it on the floor

I feel my throat dry and my mouth open watching him…

_How did he look like that in such a short time? _

He quickly presses the right button and the bathtub starts to filling up, he extends his hand and calls me to bed

“It's going to take sometime to fill up”

Still watching his body change, I don't hold it and ask

“How?” he shrugs and answers “For the movie, babe”he holds my wrists and pulls me against his chest and it’s hot, I immediately put my lips on his neck, he moans and grabs my ass tightly.

I go down slowly licking and kissing every inch of slightly salty skin, I pass my tongue in a circle through his nipples, I bite gently and it makes him moan and smirk.

I raise my eyes and see that he is following every move I make. I go down slowly while my hands undo the knot of his shorts, I slide my hand inside and I feel his pulsating, I notice the small wet spot of excitement over his boxers and pull his cock out slowly, just the tip, light pink mush head already drooling pre cum.

I look at him again, he grabs my hair and says softly:

“Suck me” I run my thumb through the head, spreading the pre cum, I say:

“Is that what you want?” he moans begging “Yea yea do it” taking his hand behind my head he grabs the back of my neck against his cock, I feel his trimmed pubhair next to my nose.

On my knees I run my hands through his thighs, pull a little his boxers leaving only his cock out, hold it and pass my tongue all over his shaft, reaching the tip cleaning the pre cum, hold by the base near the balls and put it in my mouth, feeling it touch my throat. He gasps, I can feel how ready he is to fuck me any minute.

Between sucking and licking I go up, licking his body until I stand up and pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed, I climb on his lap, I sit on top of his hard cock rubbing myself, grabbing his hair and kiss him slowly, savoring his mouth, his mustache pinching me. He holds me by the thighs and gets up, he interrupts the kiss and looks at the hottub that is ready, he says:

“Let's go?”

Pedro lets me go and hold his hand guiding him to the jacuzzi, his gaze fixed on my body, as if he had never wanted me as much as he does now.

My trembling legs can barely climb the steps without faltering, when I reach the edge, I pull him close to my body and wrap the back of his neck in my left hand, causing his face to go close to mine, my right hand slides through his tummy til it reaches his hard on, holding his cock I feel him twitching at my touch.

I bring my lips closer to his with a soft kiss I go down to his neck passing my tongue slowly until I get close to his ear I say low:

“Your turn” whispering I hook my fingers to the waistband of his shorts and I take it off, as the clothes go down my body follows, his cock jumping on my face, getting on my knees to him.

I take off his shorts throwing them to the side, untie his NB’s throwing same side as the shorts. I raise my eyes to find his eyes that I believe at no time have deviated from me.

I hold his thigh with my left hand while the right goes up to to his dick and start stroking him, he sighs and throws his head back, his breath getting panting again getting heavier as I accelerate the movements, the tip of his pink cock getting full of pre cum

“Oh fuck... Fuck” he moans while I touch him, I can feel his thigh muscles contracting every time I run my thumb over the head of his cock and sucking my finger looking at him

“Let me fuck that mouth... Let me” I barely give him time to beg and start sucking him, he moans so hot, putting a hand on my head, holding my hair in his fist, dictating the rhythm he wants.

“Your mouth is so hot, so fucking hot babe” he talks among moans and hisses. I'm already dripping, the excitement taking over my body. Pedro pushes my head against his cock, making me choke, it makes my pussy pulsate.

He knows he could fuck my mouth all night long, but he remembers that there is something better waiting for him, so grabbing my hair he pulls me up, leaving me standing in front of him. He looks to the side, towards the windows that frame the landscape outside.

“This view, I thought about you several times while looking at it” he turns me around, leaving me with my back to him, I feel his skin hot a thin layer of sweat. Pedro holds my hair and with his lips close to my ear, feeling the hot and panting breath, it's all so intoxicating.

“Yeah, it's pretty “ I agree, the view is beautiful, but my body can't focus on what my eyes see, the excitement has taken over me, so I close my eyes and let the feeling of his body glued to mine dominate me.

“Open your eyes” he says with his chin resting on my shoulder, I feel Pedro lower his fingers going down my back, scratching me going towards my ass, his fingers playing with my panties, pulling down so slowly, taking off my panties he throws in a corner, his right hand between my legs rising together more until he finds my pussy, his index and middle finger sliding through my wet pussy, Pedro bites my ass and gets up licking my back until he reaches my neck, keeping his hand over my pussy and whispers in my ear:

“I came in the hot tub thinking about you, you know? Watching this view, and now... Now I'm going to make you cum the same way.”

Then Pedro slide two fingers inside me, with precise movements, I try to muffle my moans, covering my mouth, he pulls my hand and holds my arm behind my back making me get closer to him.

He is not fast, the movements are calm and precise, a calculated torture. Every time he fucks I feel my pussy squeeze around his fingers.

He takes out his fingers and circles my waist slowly, going down his hand he begins to make circular movements on my clit, making me arch my back, I'm so close to cumming, I close my eyes without feeling and he quickly orders

“Open your eyes my little bitch, open!“ he talks while fast the movements on my clit, I feel the orgasm approaching

“I want you cumming enjoying the view... Just enjoying the view babe “ he again slides two fingers in my pussy roughly, his palm rubbing my clit, that's enough and makes me cum on his fingers, he moaning in my ear satisfying himself with my pleasure. My body trembles glued to his body, Pedro gets even harder, I can feel him against my ass.

He holds my waist and turns me to him, kissing me I feel my body still shaking, recovering from orgasm.

“I love how your body responds so fucking well to me” he lowers his head and licks the curve of my neck, distributing bites

“And I want more” I say while I feel his tongue torture me, walking around my neck, I close my eyes and I feel his cock poking my stomach, leaving it wet with pre cum.

Pedro say softly everything he wants to do to me, only the sound of his low and hoarse voice is enough to excite me more and more. I put my hand between our bodies and stroke him, feeling how his cock is pulsating, how hot it is feeling his breath in my ear.

“ I want you so bad in this jacuzzi babe, but right now i need to feel you... Be inside you” Pedro says this by holding my neck so that I look him in the eyes and puts the fingers that were in my pussy in his mouth, proving my taste, he closes his eyes while savoring me, moaning.

He takes my hand and guides me to the edge, he sits down and I watch his body, his back touching the marble, he opens his legs and my eyes rise watching the shapely thighs, his cock twitching over his stomach, his hair even more shaggy.

It's an unbearable sight.

“ Ride me, sit on me….” a moan escapes from my throat with his order, as I'm going down to ride him he slaps my right thigh hard.

“Sit with your back to me, slut “ I love it when he curses me like that.

I crouch down and feel him holding his cock and rubbing it through the entrance of my folds, hitting my clit torturing me.

Pedro moans some Spanish words in my ear, hearing him speaking like that is what makes me pulse and sit on his cock, feeling him fill me completely.

With a loud moan I feel his desperate hands holding my waist, guiding the movements, back and forth back and forth…I squeeze his cock and that's enough for Pedro to bite my shoulder and hold my neck with his left hand, with his right he grabs me tightly, going down his hand to swipe my breasts, squeezing and pulling my nipples. He holds my neck and pulls me making me stick my back to his chest

“My favorite bitch you love to squeeze my cock huh? Come on, give me one fucking more... Cum for papi” he says this between bites, Pedro slides his hand until he finds my clit, his fingers circling hard making me scream, but my screams and moans are being strangled by his hand on my neck, I feel my vision dark but it's so good that I don't say anything but moans and supplications.

I grind rubbing myself, my hands holding his legs, feeling my body slip by his, I'm close I know he knows, he feels my body, he knows my body like no one else.

“Cum on my cock my little bitch! Now!” and with the order he gives I cum, strong, he lets go of my neck and holds the back of my neck making me turn to look into his eyes, he reaches my lips, kissing me Pedro swallows all my moans and screams of the spasm I just felt cumming with his cock inside me.

I start to close my legs, he growls and bites my lower lip, releasing my hair he holds my leg preventing me from closing them.

“Cum again I want to feel it” I don't know if my body can take it, but I want to give it everything he wants.

“Please please please” he lets go of my lips and holds the back of my neck, looking me in the eyes he says laughing:

“Fuck, you look so fucking sexy when you beg”

“Let's go into the hot tub, hottie” I say without strength due to the strong orgasm of seconds ago

_He wants more, I'll give it to him_

I get up feeling my legs tremble, I climb the step and sit on the edge, Pedro enters the bathtub and dives in, he crawls to me and with a movement he runs his hands on his hair fixing them, he crawls to me like a snake, he reaches the button behind me and turns on the hydromassage.

He drops his hands down my thighs to my knees, he makes me open my legs, he pushes me so that I'm almost lying down, approaching his face he begins to torture me, giving slow licks along with bites through the inside of my thighs, always looking into my eyes

“You gonna cum in my mouth now” he says and runs his tongue slowly through my clit, while whispering “Do you understand?” With his thumbs he opens my pussy to have a perfect angle, he sucks and pulls his lips, sticking his tongue in me as if it were his cock. He lifts one of my legs on his shoulder, leaving me more exposed.

I observe that his right hand goes back into the water, he's jerking off while sucking me, it's hard to keep my eyes open, I force my body to observe everything, I'm almost cumming and with weak moans I beg him to fuck me.

“You so dirty doing this” he looks at me with dark eyes and says with his mouth on my thigh distributing bites and hickeys.

“Do you want dirty?” no chance to answer he pulls me by the legs, making me scream with fright and fall into the water.

Pressing me against the wall of the bathtub he climbs a hand on my face, squeezing my cheeks making me open my mouth he spits on my tongue, waiting for me to swallow, then kissing me so hungry that I feel my lips hurt.

He kisses me and drags his lips to my ear to moan and growl my name.I accidentally scratch his back, he stop and says calmly:

“Don't do it bitch, otherwise you will regret it” he wraps his arm behind my head, making it my support, then he positions his cock in my pussy and slides inside me, I moan loudly, he puts his free hand over my lips and talks while punching me.

“Shut up you cunt hmmm” he fucks harder. The water following our movements, my mouth meets his again, I go towards his chin, his jaw, his beard scratching my face is too much for me.

Our bodies burned even in already cold water, it was as if we were able to set the room on fire at any time.

The touch of his hands on my body gives me goosebumps, it's so good, so soft but also so delirious.

He grabs my hips, pulling my body against his, his cock still buried inside me, pulsating feeling my pussy squeeze, feeling that hot pain.

His arms slide around my waist and lift me up and when I can tell, I'm out of the jacuzzi, sitting again on the edge. He gets up slowly, teasing me I can't divert my eyes from his body, the wet skin, the drops of water that run down his tummy until it drips to find his cock.

It can be the longing speaking or simply the Mediterranean air does it good, which I know is he is exhaling a sexuality that drives me crazy.

“What do you want now, huh?”

I ask while he offers his hand to me helping me get up

“We gonna wet the whole bed if we go there like this…”

“No problem babe” he says as he approaches me putting his hands on my waist, with his face almost glued to mine, forehead with forehead, his eyes never abandon me, this is something Pedro always has: eye contact.

“You can sleep with me in my room, in my bed.. if anyone see, i really don't care”

My body is taken by an excitement, I don't know if it's why he doesn't mind having me in his room, in a hotel full of actors and people who know him, or because of his cock that throbs against my stomach while I answer

“So in that case I think we have to take the risk” he smiles, that beautiful smile, he holds my hand and leads me to the bed, when we get to the foot of the bed I push him and make him lie down

“Oh.. so you want to be in control now? “ he says as he pulls a pillow under his head, giving a little smile

“show me what you want.. show me...”

I climb on top of him, one leg on each side of his hip, holding his cock I fit in my pussy and sit slowly, feeling him open me, centimeter by centimeter, this makes him release a slow moan with his eyes closed.

“Oh fuck... Your pussy is my weakness... My fucking weakness” he speaks as he opens his eyes and watches my pussy swallow him as I start riding, leaning my hands on his chest I feel his cock so deep in me that he touches my G-spot.

“Do you like it huh? Like it when your little bitch rides you” I can feel another orgasm forming on me, I take a hand off his chest and put two fingers in his mouth, Pedro sucks and then I drag the same hand to touch my clit, it makes him moan and slap my ass.

“I love to see you touching yourself babe... Fuck don't stop don't stop!”

I keep riding while I masturbate, our eyes are attached to each other my body begins to beg to cum, Pedro holds my hip so tightly that I know I will have marks to remember. He guides my movements, I'm close

“I'm gonna cum... please cum with me” I speak while grinding faster feeling my pleasure swallowing me “Please Pedro cum inside me...”

I cum on his cock and feel the hot jet of cum fill me, cumming next to me, moaning and saying disconnected words.

A few seconds pass and I'm still riding on him, trying to make my body obey and move, he looks at me and laughs.

Pedro pulls me and kisses me, in fact two desperate mouths hitting each other, uncontrolled tongues, bites and sighs.

He interrupts the kiss and holds my neck, fingers rubbing the sweaty skin, he can feel the pulsating vein of my neck, he slides until he curls his fingers on the back of my neck, holding a handful of hair between his fingers, he pulls back, making my face stand up to him, looking into my eyes he speaks calmly and slowly

“Get on your knees... I'm not done with you yet” I get up from the bed soon he gets up and holds my hair forcing me down I feel the icy floor hitting my knees that contrast of the cold with my indented body, I look at him, imposing looking at me from above, like a Greek god, he has his cock pointing at my face, his sweaty red chest, his hair sticking to his forehead the irregular breathing, his lips half-open looking for fresh air.

“Come on, walk like a good daddy's dog that you are babe” he says that and pushes me to get on all fours on the floor, crawl for a few meters, he holding my hair as if it were a leash, he pulls me and making me stop walking, I sit on my heels and look into his eyes, my hands walk through his thighs, my eyes show all the horniness I'm feeling, they talk more than my own mouth would be able to say.

“Suck very very slowly... you understood?I want you to taste me again” I nod my head confirming, licking my lips when I see his cock getting hard again so close.

_God, should be a crime for him to be so hot_

He holds his cock by the base and rubs it on my face, wetting with pre cum, hitting my mouth teasing me.

I open my lips, I put my tongue out and it sticks to the bottom of my throat, I choke a little but I don't push it away, without cutting the eye contact my nails stick in his thighs, as if they were my life-saving boat, the air that my lungs need.

“Yeah babe like that slowly...” he moans and throws his head back, both hands tangled in my hair, holding a ponytail he guides my mouth the way he wants to fuck.

Pedro moves his hands away from my head and I see that he takes a bottle of champagne, he leans a little back and pours champagne down his body, soon I feel the alcohol trail coming into contact with my lips and his cock, making it a unique and extremely dangerous flavor.

“Do you like to swallow me like that bitch? Huh? Swallow it all” he pours more champagne and I swallow everything I can, push my lips away and keep sucking only the head of his dick, sucking hard and stroking him. My eyes never abandon his, he takes a few sips of champagne, the sight of him standing, wet with champagne while drinking straight from the bottle is suffocating, I put my left hand in my pussy and play with my clit, I want to cum admiring him, I want to give him an orgasm just with his cock in my mouth.

I suck his balls, one of each, feeling them contrairem on my tongue, he moans more when I do that. So I swallow him again, wrapping my tongue to the base and sticking it deep in my throat

“Fuck, that's what I want... Touch yourself for me, you cum on your fingers while swallowing my hot cum... Do you want that hot cum in the back of your throat?” I don't answer, I just stick his cock up to my throat and suck hard, with quick movements, my fingers circling my clit hard, I feel his cock pulse and then 4 jets of hot cum go down my throat, mixing with the champagne that was still present on my tongue.

I cum with him, feeling my pussy pulsate.

“Ohhh fuck you... Ahhh babe yeah like that... Fucking bitch”

When he starts having spasms of pleasure I take him out of his mouth, looking into his eyes and making the best whore face, I run my index finger through my lips and suck, showing him that I didn't let any drop of cum be wasted.

Pedro pulls me by the hair, holding my neck tightly and kisses me, not caring about feeling his own taste, he kisses me and holds my hand, interrupting the kiss but without diverting his eyes from mine, he licks my fingers and bites gently.

“Damn...you gonna kill me…”

I laugh and sink my face into his neck, the smell of sweat, sex and skin is intoxicating, I lick the salty taste of his skin and kiss his jaw

“Babe... let's go to the jacuzzi now.. relax?”

He smiles and take me to the jacuzzi, we already know where this will probably end.

—————————————

Thanks for being here and read our delusional fics, likes are appreciate, comments even more. If you want to ask anything, blast it!

[cross-crye]

𝖘𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖜𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙

neuvillette x gn!reader

hurt/comfort

wc: 0.6 k

a/n: Fontaine brought me back from the dead and my new fictional bf saved me from the writing slump ive been in for months. So enjoy this hurt/comfort fic w Neuvillette. To be honest he may be a bit ooc but this is entirely self indulgent so it's fine.

!!! written at 3 am; spelling is questionable at best and some words should deffinetely not be in those sentences

For a few days now it had been drizzling in Fontaine. Anyone who had attempted to step outside their home would find themselves to be rained on ever so lightly by the suppposed tears trickling from the Hydro Dragon's heart. To some the scent of freshly fallen rain was comforting while others' mood had only been dampened by the uncooperative weather.

The Chief Justice of Fontaine was glancing at the rain outside from the window in his office. His view was ever so slighlty obscured by the tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. Hisbittersweet moment of peacefull silence was interupted by the creak of his office door opening as his concerned lover stepped through.

"Oh mon beau... What has gotten you so down?" They asked in a sombre tone adressing the judge. Despite not seeing his damp cheeks due to his turned back they were certain of the state their lover was in.

"I simply missed you is all." Neuvillette responded, attempting to dismiss his beloved's worries. Upon hearing his repsonse their concern for the man grew tenfold. They slowly approached him, moving to stand in front of him, offering his hands a comforting squeeze.

"We both know thats not it Neuvi" they said hoping that the endearing nickname might help soothe him even a little. "You don't have to worry about burdening me with your thoughts. Please tell me what it is that truly saddens you so I can help." they continued.

Neuvillette hesitated to answer for a while, his expression betraying his inner turmoil. Eventually he decided to give in to his conflicting thoughts and confide in his love, after all he would trust them with anything. "The last trial I judged didn't qo quite as I expected it to…" he trailed off, still hesitating to look his partner in the eye. "A man had murdered his brother's wife in a jealous fit of rage. As the gruesome details of the case were revealed during the trial I couldn't help but think of what I'd do if something like this ever happened to you. I had previously thought I understood humans but I grow more and more unsure of that with every case. It's truly something to have to see people go against what I had previously thought to be human nature, becoming so overtaken by wrath that they do the unspeakable." Neuvillette said sadly. "Cases like this make me realise that I now have something to loose to the unreliable nature of humanity. You. Im not used to that, so when the thought becomes apparent again I… I don't know what to do about it. So I end up overtaken by emotions I don't truly understand, struggling to navigate my own thoughts and feelings." He finally declared dejectedly.

"Oh love… You worry far too much my dear. Now come here" They said as they moved to embrace Neuvillette. One hand was drawing patterns on his skin through the fabric of his clothes, the other softly carding through his hair as he wept silently into their shoulder all while maintaing their embrace. They'd lean down occasionally, leaving a kiss on his forehead or cheek soothing Neuvillette with affection.

The rain was letting up as Neuvillette calmed down, his thoughts regaining momentary stability. He lifted his face from his lover's damp shoulder as hands moving to trace his jawline. Those hands moved up his soft skin, moving to wipe the remaining tears from the corners of his eyes. Now that the Chief Justice was no longer leaning down, standing at full height his lover would lean up, slightly raising on their tip tops to kiss the tear tracks adorning his pale cheeks.

The two remained in Neuvillette's office in a comfortable silence, preffering to let their actions do the talking instead of words, showering each other in affection, love shining brightly in both their eyes.

cross-crye © 2023.

no reposting, stealing, copying or translating my works.

reblogs, comments and likes are all highly appreciated

[storiesofsvu]

A Dangerous Game Ch 1

Emily Prentiss x reader warnings: language, alcohol, dirty talk, semi public sex, dom/sub situations, daddy kink. Here we go! this is officially the longest first ch of anything ive written so dont expect all future ch's to be this long LOL. italicized chunk is a flashback

You were no stranger to FBI buildings and while you had paid the occasional visit to the home office in Quantico you’d spent the last fifteen years of you career split between field offices in Seattle and Jacksonville. Hence the little bit of hesitancy as you pushed the button in the elevator, hoping that you’d remembered the directions to the BAU correctly. You had experience working with a few agents from this unit over the years, whether it was directly on a joint case or simply a round of emails or phone calls when things looked like they might potentially be the same unsub. You were grateful to finally have accepted an official spot on the team, swapping out your days sweltering in the Florida heat for some much more enjoyable weather and to be able to set up a home base you were planning on staying in for a long while.

The elevator dinged and you stepped out of it, letting out a quick sigh of relief realizing you were in the right place, you were all of two steps out of the elevator when a voice broke through your concentration.

“I feel like I know you.” A bubbly blonde greeted and you glanced up, your heard tilting at how familiar her voice sounded, “wait, sorry, I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?” She laughed, “I don’t feel like I know you, I do know you. I was reading up on your file yesterday.” She stuck her hand out, “Penelope Garcia.”

“Oh!” You exclaimed, quickly taking and shaking her hand, “yeah, I’m pretty sure we’ve had a few phone calls over the years. You’re the tech analyst, right?”

“Yes!” She turned toward the door, pulling it open, “you’re probably looking to check in with Prentiss, c’mon.”

A somewhat familiar ‘face’ so to speak to help get you where you wanted relaxed you as you moved through the bull pen. It was no different than any other FBI office, you may be the new kid to the team, but you were far from inexperienced and you felt your confidence surging up at that reminder. Clipping a gun to your hip every morning was nothing new, interrogating high risk criminals was a part of your daily routine as your morning coffee was, you had this in the bag, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. If you didn’t click with someone on the team, who cared? You just had to come in, do your job and go home, you could make friends elsewhere.

Infront of you Penelope came to a brief halt, knocking on a semi open office door before a voice murmured a response from within.

“I brought you a present.” The words came out of her mouth in a slight teasing lyrical melody, pulling a small chuckle from inside the office as the two of you entered, Penelope stepping aside to gesture between the two of you, “Agent Wilson, meet Unit Chief Emily Prentiss.”

Emily finally managed to glance up from the case file in front of her, moving to stand in the same moment that you stepped forward to extend you hand. The second you caught eye contact there was a lightning fast freeze over both of your features as the two of you realized the person across from you was indeed the person you’d been tangled in bedsheets with less than ten hours ago. Your hand slid into hers easily and you only hoped the heat in your cheeks wasn’t as visible as it felt, your skin tingling in remembrance of how her hands felt other places on your body.

“Hi.” Emily greeted, finally able to shake out of it, glancing toward the clock on the wall “you’re uh… punctual. I wasn’t expecting you… for another half hour.”

“Figured I shouldn’t be late on the first day.” You replied with a small laugh, one that Garcia echoed, “uh.. Unit Chief.. that’s… impressive. Don’t see a lot of women in those positions across the bureau.” Garcia laughed again at your words, a grin on her cheeks as she swatted at Emily’s elbow.

“Please. Emily here’s not only our Unit Chief she’s also ran her own Interpol team in London. She is the definition of impressive.”

Yes, Emily Prentiss certainly was the definition of impressive. You’d learnt all about that last night, even if what you hadn’t learnt was her last name.

***

O’Shaughnessy’s Pub was exactly what you would call a dive bar. Main level equipped with a long bar mainly seated with regulars, classic tunes played from a juke box in the corner, the dinging noises from VLT’s or various games around the room along with the clacking of pool balls ricocheting off each other echoing through the room. It wasn’t particularly dingy, but it definitely wasn’t high class, mostly beer and cheap spirits, a few patrons here and there smoking, the rumble of conversation and the live music from the basement filling the air. You were still discovering your new home surroundings in Alexandria and weren’t exactly picky about atmosphere right now, you’d just wanted a couple of drinks and a nice order of chicken wings after unpacking the most important boxes all day.

You’d long since finished your meal, sipping on your third tequila soda when a cheer from a nearby pool table pulled your attention off the television behind the bar. Your eyes swept through the space, laughing to yourself over the boisterous way the men were acting over the pool win. Shaking your head you lifted your drink to your lips, taking another sip while your eyes returned to their original spot. Only thing was, that was when you saw her. The dark haired stunner of a woman sitting at the very opposite end of the bar. She seemed to be watching you, a sly grin on her face and you felt heat course through you, quickly ducking your gaze hopefully before she noticed you’d spotted her. It was only a few moments later that the bartender placed a fresh drink down in front of you, when you raised a brow to them, they simply nodded in the direction of the other woman who raised her own glass subtly to you before taking a sip of her own drink.

Emily had gotten there after you, surveying the crowd as she approached the bar. She wasn’t particularly out to find a conquest, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt after the stressful week she’d had. This definitely wasn’t her usual watering hole, relatively far from home, and certainly not anywhere anyone else from work would be, which is just what she wanted. The bar was mostly full of rowdy younger what she would call boys, and the regulars, casually chatting with servers and bartenders, alternating between games through the bar. She ordered her usual, slipping into a seat at the bar and only a few moments later her eyes landed on you. She’d never seen you there before and while you were relaxed, she could tell just by your body language this was likely your first night at O’Shaughnessy’s. You were attractive, no ring on your finger, perfectly in her preferred age range and by the way you were watching the tv behind the bar and not constantly on your phone she was pretty sure you weren’t meeting someone or waiting for a boyfriend. She watched for a moment, chuckling softly to herself at the way you immediately shifted your body away from a couple of the younger boys who approached the bar for a fresh round, you had zero interest in them, that was for sure. So she took her chance, flagging down the bartender to send you a fresh drink and couldn’t help but smirk at the way your cheeks flushed with surprise when it was delivered.

She gave you a bit to relax from the sudden intrusion, giving you the chance to settle your tab and disappear into the night in case she’d gotten the wrong impression. Instead you continued to sip at the drink, risking glances in her direction when you thought she wasn’t looking. When the bartender came around to ask if she wanted another drink she said she did, and tacked on another of whatever she had sent you, scooping up both and making her way around the bar.

The drink was placed down in front of you so quickly it nearly made you jump, your head shooting up to the warm body suddenly next to you and you felt your heart skip a beat at the sight of the other woman directly beside you.

“Looked like you might need a refill.” She greeted with a grin and you practically melted at the sound of her voice as she extended her hand, “Emily.”

“Y/n.” You replied, accepting the handshake and feeling the heat surge through you from the touch of her hand, tingles moving rather south within your body, “and thank you.” You laughed gently, “kinda feel like I owe ya one now.”

Emily chuckled in response, leaning against the bar as she took a sip of her drink, her eyes sweeping through the bar, taking in which games were free.

“What’d’ya say to a round of Buck Hunter, loser buys the next round?” She raised a brow in your direction and you laughed, slipping off your bar stool.

“You’re on.”

Buck Hunter may have been a game of pretend shooting, but the same approaches still applied. Emily could have chosen pool or darts, but she figured her experience in the field was about to win her a bet, a free drink and hopefully a lot more than that. She would easily be able to coach you through it, guiding just the way to hold the gun and the best times to shoot, the perfect excuse to get up close and personal. Sure pool could have worked, but most people already knew how to play, not everyone knew how to properly shoot a gun.

You graciously let her go first, your eyes dragging across her body at the way her muscles flexed while she played. Small chit chat flowed between you, what brought you out tonight, small talk that preceded flirtation, little teases or jabs here and there, cheers and compliments from you each time she made a shot. She very confidently hit everything but one, smirking at you with a gleam in her eye as she passed you the toy gun for your round.

She let you take stance in front of the game and before you could even raise the gun her hands hit your hips from behind, gently guiding you into the best spot to start in. You felt your breath catch in your throat as one of her hands trailed up your back, shifting one of your arms so you were positioned into what she thought was best. You blamed how close she was to you for missing the first shot before reassessing and hitting the next three while she chuckled softly, her breath hot on the skin of your neck.

“Nice shot.”

“Never said it was my first rodeo.” You teased back.

“You holding out on me?” Her fingers pinched gently at your hip and your breath hitched, “watch the left side.” She nudged at your body and you quickly refocussed, shooting right in time to take the virtual deer down, “good girl.”

The praise fumbled you, nearly missing the next shot and while you couldn’t hear her laugh over the noise of the bar you felt the sharp exhale of breath on your neck as she did so. You reclaimed your competency by taking down the next three kills with one shot each, focussing on the game rather than the feeling of her hand ghosting up and down your spine. It felt like with each shot she was inching closer to you, words and hands teasing you to the point of no return, fire surging between the two of you in a haze of passion and lust. You took the last three shots perfectly with no hesitation and Emily’s hand patted at your ass in congratulations,

“Someone’s a good shot.” She murmured.

“Call it beginners luck.” Placing the gun down in its holder you were about to turn around when her hands found your hips again, resting against your body and you could feel the heat from them dancing across your skin. Your focus was completely broken a second later when her lips met your bare neck and you did your best to hold back the gasp, your eyes nearly fluttering shut as she bit you gently. “Em…” you breathed out, only loud enough for her to hear, “not here….”

“Well… follow me.” She murmured, nipping at your earlobe before sneaking through the crowd and you followed her down the back hallway that lead to the bathrooms, which was where you figured she was leading you.

Instead she glanced up and down the hallway quickly, trying a door on the left side of the hall to find it open, dragging you inside before flicking it locked. You let out a quiet yelp, not that it would’ve mattered, the noise from the bar overpowered basically anything that would come out of the storage room. Within an instant she had you backed into the wall, a hand tilting your chin up to her face,

“Colour princess?”

“Green…. Oh so very green.” You replied breathlessly and she chuckled.

“Good girl.”

Once she had your confirmed consent her lips were on you in a bruising kiss, moving with fire against yours as she pinned you into the wall. Your hands looped around her shoulders, pulling her closer to you as the kiss deepened. She dared to run her tongue along the seam of your lips, planting her knee against the wall between your legs and you let out a small moan, accepting her tongue into your mouth. There was absolutely no doubt who was in charge right now and you were not complaining in the slightest. One of her hands wrapped around the back of your head, tangling into the loose locks of your hair while the other one clutched at your hip. Her thigh suddenly surged upwards and you broke the kiss with a gasp, the muscle flexing just right against your clit through the thin pants you had on.

“That’s it…” Emily chuckled darkly, her lips ghosting down the column of your neck, “ride daddy’s thigh like a good girl.” She husked into your ear, the hand on your hip moving you to get the best friction, guiding you to continue rolling your hips.

“Oh god…” You moaned out both at the sensation and the title she’d used, leaning more of your weight onto her as you continued to ride her thigh.

Her mouth made home in the crook of your neck, sucking, kissing and biting at the supple skin, pulsing pleasure through your entire body. You could feel yourself tingling, pussy clenching around nothing as your clit brushed over her thigh over and over again, certain that you were ruining your panties. She nudged you again,

“Harder, I know you want to angel, let yourself go.”

You let out a little whine, biting your lip as you ground down harder onto her, gasping as her hands ghosted up your sides, squeezing at your tits through your shirt. Fingers pinched at your nipples while she chuckled at the way you’d picked up your speed and she shoved her thigh harder against your clothed cunt.

“Head up.” She tilted your chin up, your head falling back against the wall, “let daddy see you come.”

“Oh god… oh fuck!” You cried out, your body shivering as the pleasure shot through you, thighs clenching around Emily’s leg and she chuckled darkly, a hand caressing down your cheek.

“That’s it.” She cooed, “good girl.” She waited a moment, watching the way your chest heaved before she pressed a kiss to your lips, “now what do you say we get out of here?”

“My place is only a few blocks away..”

*

The two of you barrelled through your front door, doing your best not to trip over moving boxes or piles of clutter as you made your way upstairs. Emily was quick to tear your clothes off, she had you completely naked and herself down to her underwear by the time you were in the bedroom. Her hand snuck between your legs, cupping at your cunt and she smirked down at you.

“Figures you’re this soaked already.” The tips of her fingers slid through your folds, teasing you, drawing more of your wetness out before a digit sunk in and you let out a breathy gasp.

“More… please.” You glanced up at her with begging eyes and she smirked, doing what you’d asked and sliding a second finger into your dripping pussy. “Fuck…” She pumped a few times, her fingers curling and scissoring within you, smiling when she hit that special spot and your knees nearly buckled.

“You have a strap?”

“Beside table.” You moaned and she pulled her fingers from you, making sure you were watching before she sucked them into her mouth, licking them clean and moaning over the taste of you.

“Get on the bed. You’re gonna be daddy’s good girl, right angel?”

“Yes.” You nodded furiously, scrambling onto the bed while she moved around it, collecting the strap and a bottle of lube from the bedside table, swiftly pulling it on, adjusting it to her liking before she dropped her bra to the floor and climbed onto the bed.

“Look at you…” she practically purred, fingers trailing up your legs as she settled between them, “such a pretty girl.”

Your body tingled under her touch, your breath catching in your throat at the sight of her bare and strapped in front of you. One of her hands teased at you while the other popped open the bottle of lube, smearing it around the toy. She leant over you, kissing you deeply while she began to tease you with the tip of her cock, rubbing it up and down between your folds, earning whines and whimpers from you that she swallowed through the kiss. Her cock rubbed up against your clit and you broke the kiss with a gasp, your hands clutching at her body as you started to beg.

“Please… oh god please fuck me daddy.”

“Alright angel.” She murmured, guiding the tip of her cock into you and thrusting until she was fully wrapped in your warmth and you let out a very satisfied moan.

“Fuck…”

“That feel good?”

“So fucking good…”

Your words were lost to moans and whines almost instantly as Emily began to plunge into you. Your skin was on fire, pussy fluttering with each thrust of her cock, nails digging into her skin as you clawed at her to be impossibly close to you. Her lips met yours again in a breathless kiss, teeth nipping at your already swollen lips as she continued to fuck you.

“More! Please!”

The words slipped from your lips before you even realized and Emily chuckled again, pulling out just long enough to flip you onto your stomach, pulling you up on your knees as she lined the toy back up with your drenched cunt. When she slid back into you she was not gentle, setting the bruising pace she knew you were begging for, your face buried in the pillows as you moaned and whined. One of your hands shot back to her body, nails scratching at her thigh as you began to shudder underneath her. Pleasure was coursing through you like it never had before, your entire body tingling and sparking as her cock dragged passed your walls. Emily was fucking you like no one else ever had and it was all you ever wanted in your life.

“So… so fucking.. uh.. fuck.. good.” You managed out and Emily smirked again, a hand wrapping around your torso she pulled you flush to her, nipping at your earlobe as her hand snuck up your body, pausing around your collarbone before she shifted it up to your throat, pausing once again.

“Colour angel?” Her breath was jagged, split up by each thrust of her hips as she continued to fuck you, whines leaving your lips with each pump.

“Green! Oh fuck green!”

Emily’s fingers squeezed at the side of your throat right as she fucked harder into your needy cunt, two of her fingers suddenly at your lips. You opened your mouth, eagerly accepting them, thinking it was her trying to make you be quiet. Instead her spit slicked fingers trailed down your body until she found your clit, rubbing furiously in time with each thrust of her cock and you were shaking in her arms.

“You’re so close baby, I know it. Let go for daddy.” She husked into your ear, biting at your neck again, “come on my cock…”

Her praise sent you over the edge, a loud cry leaving your lips as pleasure rocked through your body and you dropped down onto the bed, shuddering into the pillows. Emily smirked, her hands softly ghosting up your sides as she thrusted into you a few more times before gently slipping out of you, tossing the toy to the side.

“Holy fuck.” You let out a small laugh, your eyes already fluttering shut as you turned to glance at her, wicked grin on her face while she let you settle in her arms.

The last thing you remembered was catching your breath.

***

Somehow your first day at the BAU was a slow day, which you were honestly thankful for. You were able to spend the day going through old case files, reading up on the type of things they dealt with and getting to know the team. You spent hours pouring over their files, wanting to know as much as you could and to be as prepared as possible for your first case, you knew you wanted to keep this job and how your first open case went would determine that. You knew that no matter what, you’d worked your ass off to get into this department, you were meant to be here and now was your time to prove that.

*

It was past the usual punch our hour, everyone on the team had already gone home. But every time Emily looked up from her desk she saw you buried in another case file. Part of her cursed herself for not closing her office door but she’d sworn the whole ‘my door is always open’ thing was a literal thing when it came to her. She hadn’t done it on purpose, she’d just assigned you to an empty desk. It wasn’t until hours later she realized said empty desk was in direct eyeline of her own up in her office and now she couldn’t get the image of bending you over her desk out of her mind.

She tried to shake out of it, waiting for you to finally leave the office but you pulled yet another case file from the box beside you. You were committed, she had to give you that. You had both your laptop and a notebook open next to you, taking notes to remember and looking things up on the database that further intrigued you.

She was now certain that you weren’t about to leave anytime soon so she let out a soft sigh, beginning to pack up her things. She slid her blazer back on and finally locked her office, making her way through the bull pen to your desk and it wasn’t until she spoke you even looked up.

“You know, you don’t have to put in overtime just to be noticed, your resume did that on its own.”

“Jesus.” You jumped, “I didn’t realize anyone was still here.”

“If I’m leaving, it’s safe to say you should be gone.”

“I dunno, someone wise once told me you should never leave before your boss.” You basically grinned up at her and as much as she appreciated the tease the word ‘boss’ would ring in her ears forever, knowing that things had to change.

“I feel like that doesn’t really apply here.” Emily laughed softly, leaning against the side of your desk and you finally flipped the case file closed, tossing it into the box it had come from. “What do you think about this placement so far?” She was surprised when her question was met with a small laugh from you before you looked up at her.

“We really don’t need to do this.”

“What?” her brow furrowed.

“Talk about the elephant in the room.” You huffed, pushing back your chair as you started to gather your things, “you left long before I even had a chance to wake up this morning. I never thought I’d see you again. This is all just some… weird fluke.”

“So…” she glanced around the bull pen to make sure you were both alone, “you’re okay… pretending this never happened?”

“You’re my boss now.” You nodded, “whoever I met in that dive bar, not a member of the FBI. Clean slate.” You held your hand up in defeat as you smiled softly, “goodnight Agent Prentiss.”

“Night Wilson.”

_______

@svulife-rll @ssa-sapphic @mickey-gomez @clarawatson @yesterdaysgone @hbkpop @cabotfan422 @momlifebehard @alexusonfire @melindawarnersgf @itisdoctortoyousir @emilyprentiss4life @andreasvu @softgamerking @httpjupiterbby @somethingimaginative17 @temilyrights @alexxavicry  @mysticfalls01 @anya-casablanca @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @aliensaurusrex @alcabots @7thavenger @ladysc @rustyzebra @ilovemycrayons @mandy-asimp @thegrantwater @leftoverenvy @kades95 @disneyfan624 @dextur @m00nkn1ghts @gamma-ray-bursts @augustvandyne @supercriminalbean @bookpillows @daffodil-heart @msvenablesbitch @its-soph-xx @going-gray @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @borg-queer @dead-of-niight

[anzynai]

Day 9 - Wake up!

Silver & Lilia (TWST)

a/n: day 9 woooo!!! ive never written for them before so it was pretty interesting, i hope i did them justice. also, ive had a few people who as far as im aware are in the tk community follow me so i feel like i have to say this, my works are tickle-centered. all sfw ofc, but that means this one is too. unrelated, but lets pretend that i know anything about sleep cycles and all that and if tbis is inaccurate, shhhhhh… ANYWAYS, besides that, hope yall enjoy <333

——

the alarm clocked blared through the dormitory very obnoxiously for sevens knows how long. it has always been a recurring problem with silver. he’d have a dozen and a half alarm clocks set in the morning and not wake up to a single one of them.

“guess it’s up to me, then,” lilia muttered, not to anyone in particular as he decided to take on the role of waking silver up— a task deemed to be almost impossible.

he knocked on silver’s door, despite knowing silver wouldn’t answer, but it was common courtesy. a moment later, he opened the door, hearing the loud blaring of the alarm clocks not being shut off and a peacefully sleeping silver.

after turning off the clocks, he nudged silver’s arms.

“wakey, wakey!” lilia shouted, hoping to stir silver from his sleep, and yet he didn’t move an inch. lilia nudged a few more times before deciding to try in a way that he believed would be more fun.

“tickle, tickle~!” lilia cooed, lightly squeezing silver’s arms and sides. he grinned seeing the other squirm ever so slightly. guess he wasn’t that deep asleep, or well, at least not in silver’s terms.

he continued as he saw a smile appear on silver’s face, his eyes still shut tightly.

lilia, feeling playful, began to start tickling silver a bit more roughly as silver pushed away at his arms and hands, lazily.

“whagaha stohohop…” silver quietly mumbled into the pillow.

“wake up!” lilia sang, not relenting, even when silver slowly became more and more alert.

“w-whohoho… lihihilia..?” silver giggled, still mostly out of it. it seemed the more awake he got, the more sensitive he became.

“rise and shine!” lilia chirped, feeling very entertained. when he started scribbljng across silver’s back, silver jolted up, squirming away.

“okay, okay! i’m awake!” silver cried, at last, his face slightly red.

lilia stopped after poking the other for a few more seconds. “how refreshing. wouldn’t you like to wake up like that everyday?” lilia chuckled, placing his hands on his hips.

“not in particular, but.. thank you, father,” silver replied, calming down. “i’m guessing my alarms didn’t work. did i disturb anyone in the dorm?”

“don’t worry, it wasn’t long enough to bother anyone!”

“i hope to find a clock that works on me soon.” silver muttered.

“i think this one was pretty effective!” lilia joked, and silver frowned.

“i guess, yes… it was, actually.” now, silver kinda hoped he would find a more effective way. tickling… as fun as it could be, everyday had to be to much for him. or maybe..

“well, class is starting soon. we’ll meet you down at the lobby, ‘kay?” lilia said, walking towards the door. silver nodded his head at him.

“yes, thank you.”

[ghosts-bandwagon]

May i ask for a female! reader x Johnny MacTavish tooth rutting fluff after some hurt with smut if you're comfortable enough?. They're sickeningly in love with eachother , and between his job that needs his complete and full commitment and her being a busy woman who has a lot in her plate as well ; they barely can get any time for each other but God Knows how much they crave one another's love and touch, how it's painfully hard for them to open Their eyes from the faint memory of eachother, until one day, their stars aligned and got lucky enough to finally meet at the same time, same day after a long time.🤎

I love this!!! I love your brain!!! This is the longest thing I’ve written so far, I was so inspired 😭

warnings: mentions of injuries, nsfw, this is really long holy shit lmao

You were a nurse on base when you first met Soap, you were elbow deep in his blood doing everything you could to stem the bleeding and in his delirious pain-killer infused haze, he thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. The way the light above you framed your head in a halo, he was convinced that if you were the last thing he saw before he died he’d be fine.

And when he came to after a successful surgery, he told you as much. Needless to say, you were beet red at his confession. You laughed it off and attributed it to the cocktail of various pain meds churning through his system. Your laugh was the most gorgeous sound he’d ever heard, he decided that everything in the world would pale in comparison to you. Nothing could possibly be more beautiful than your radiant smile, your enchanting laugh, nothing.

It wasn’t until later on that you realized you forgot to set a flow on the IV infusion pump and he was on the minimum dose of pain meds. You sprinted back to his room and fixed it while he was asleep. You refused to admit you were distracted by his beautiful blue eyes.

Checking in on him was your favorite part of the day, he’d always greet you with a beaming smile and you’d find yourself sticking around longer and longer every time you’d check on him. Eventually you found yourself eating your lunch in his room, laughing at his ridiculous jokes, hanging off every word of his stories, exchanging a few of your own. Soon enough, he was occupying your every thought. You found yourself thinking of him as you filled out the discharge paperwork for some of the other patients, wondering what kind of man he is in the comfort of his home, curious as to how he takes his coffee and if he’d ever teach you.

And then he was cleared to return to active duty. The news sat in your stomach like a ball of lead but you were still happy for him, thrilled that he was healed (enough to go back to the field).

“I know you’re cleared to get back to it, but try to limit your activity for the next two weeks or so. Your wounds have healed for the most part but, as much as I loved having you here, I don’t want to see you back here again.” You teased as you handed him his discharge paperwork,

“What if I came back under different circumstance?” He asked, you bit your lower lip in an attempt to stifle the girlish smile that threatened to split your face in two,

“Then I’d be happy to see you again.”

And so it would be. You’d see him pop into your office every now and again, cup of coffee and a protein bar in his hands, it never failed to bring a glowing smile to your face. You’d sip your coffee and eat your bar and exchange a few laughs but one of you always had to run, you loved those small moments but they never felt like enough. When your hands and arms were covered in the blood of a critical case, you’d cling to the idea of seeing him again, the thought was the only peace you’d have amidst the chaos. When Soap was pinned down behind cover with Ghost doing everything possible to assist, he’d think back to the time he brought you coffee and bumped into you leaving your office, spilling it all over himself. He chuckled at the memory of your mortified face as you ran back inside and grabbed as many paper towels as you could, patting him down and apologizing profusely. He could do this for you. He holds on to the next time he’ll see you.

The moments became fewer and farther in between, he used to be able to catch you in your office but you never seemed to be there anymore. He ignored the pain in his chest when he left the styrofoam cup on your desk with a sticky note and your name on it. When you’d chat with Captain Price about the task force, you’d swallow the lump in your throat that would come up when he’d tell you Soap and Ghost were out on a mission at the moment. But everyone is fine for the most part. You smiled at him but it never reached your eyes, you were grateful for everyone’s well-being of course! But maybe you cared about one of them more than the others.

Your rotation was up and it was your turn to head home for a few weeks until you were due back again. It’s been months since you’ve seen anything having to do with Johnny. You didn’t want to go home, not without seeing him, not without knowing he’s alright, not without hearing his voice. Swallowing your tears you wrote a note for him, you jotted down your number and where you lived and how best to reach you and you left the note in his room.

You were a week into your time home and you hadn’t heard anything, you feared the worst. Your friends caught onto your blues and invited you out for drinks. The promise of the burn was tempting so you opted to go with them. You weren’t really in the mood to get all dressed up but still you opted for a nice blouse, well fitting jeans, and some ankle boots with a modest heel on them. You were nursing a mojito and tuned out of your friend’s conversations when you heard your name being called, you looked up at them and noticed none of them were referring to you. Your head perked up and looked around the room and you were met with a striking pair of blue eyes and a ridiculous mohawk, you didn’t even hesitate to get up and walk over to him.

As soon as you were close enough, he pulled you into the tightest hug you’ve ever experienced. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your perfume,

“I’m so sorry, bonnie, I got your note but I lost the damn thing as soon as I got back.” His voice was muffled on account of him being buried in your hair,

“I’m so glad you’re safe, Johnny.” You breathed, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your head on his shoulder. “I was so worried.”

“I’ll always come back to you.”

He turned his head to look at you, his heart pounding in his chest, your eyes flicked between his lips and the beautiful blue orbs burning a hole in your skin.

“Care to make that a promise?” You felt short of breath and could barely get the words out, head swimming, blood thrumming, the alcohol you drank was nowhere near enough to have this effect on you.

“Your place, I take it?”

You couldn’t even speak so you opted for nodding instead. You jogged back over to your friends, said goodbye, grabbed your things, and bolted back into Johnny’s arms. Your mojito and your blues long forgotten. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and brought you in close to his chest, tucked under his arm, his thumb stroked your shoulder through the the fabric of your shirt.

“You look god damn beautiful.”

Your heart was pounding, you couldn’t believe this was real. You were half expecting to wake up in your room alone, but the misstep and small tumble on your part told you otherwise. You laughed as he effortlessly caught you and set you right,

“Careful, bonnie, didn’t realize I’d get you trippin’ over yourself.” He teased, you bumped your hip against his with a giggle. Feeling brave you bit your lip you leaned up to him, mouth dangerously close to his ear,

“You can get me to do a lot more than that, Johnny.” You kissed his jaw with a slow press of your lips,

“Steamin’ Jesus, hen, keep talkin’ like that and we won’t make it to yours.”

Thankfully you didn’t live too far but that didn’t stop the ache in your feet from your heels, you shakily put your keys in the lock, stepping aside once you opened the door to your apartment. When you watched him walk in, you realized it was the only sight you wanted to see for the rest of your life. You stepped in and flipped the light switch, leaning against the wall to take off your shoes.

“You too, Johnny, no exceptions.” You nodded at him with a playful seriousness,

“Yes ma’am.” He sat on the small bench by your front door and unlaced his shoes,

You could get used to hearing that from him.

Now that he was here, you almost were unsure what to do with yourself. Your veins thrumming with anticipation, your hands clenching into fists and unclenching at your sides, he watched you with a chuckle before getting up and walking over to you. He stood in front of you, warm hand on your hip, the other cupping your jaw and tilting your head up to look at him,

“Allow me.”

It was like nothing else. His lips were so god damn soft, they fit against yours like they were meant to be there. You couldn’t help the moan that slipped as you clung to him, your hands coming up to wrap around his neck and bring yourself ever closer. Fuck, he kissed like he meant it. Like you’ve been together for years and this is the first time he’s seen you in while (it’s not that far from the truth). He kisses like his life depended on it, and he really felt like it did.

He walked you backwards until your back hit the wall, he ground his hips against yours when you bit his lower lip and gave it a tug. His hands ventured downward, tracing your curves until they stopped and the soft flesh of your ass, pulling you that much closer. 

“Where?”

“Down the hall on the left.” You squealed when he leaned down and grabbed you by your thighs, wrapping your legs around his hips as he walked you both to your bedroom. His tongue prodded your lower lip and you gladly let him in, he groaned at the taste of you and the residual mojito on your tongue. He pushed the door to your room open with his foot and almost stumbled with you in his arms, you couldn’t help the breathless giggle that turned into a whine when he started kissing your jaw, the spot behind your ear, stopping when he reached the pulse point that drove you crazy. He’s never touched you like this and already he had a sense for what made you squeeze him a little tighter. 

He set you down gently on the bed, he looked down at you, your flushed and kiss swollen lips, the heaving of your chest, your blown pupils watching his every move. 

“Never seen a prettier thing in all my life.” His hands ran over the curves of your hips, pulling your shirt out from your jeans, tugging it higher until you sat up and he was able to take it off completely. His eyes wandered over your breasts, his fingers tracing the patterns his blue eyes tracked in your skin until the stopped at the hem of your jeans, 

“Please, Johnny.” He wasted no time in undoing the button on your jeans and sliding them down your legs, he sat back on his haunches and looked at you. The length of your legs, the swell of your hips, the smooth skin of your stomach, the soft flesh of your breasts, god you’re breathtaking. You leaned up and tugged on his shirt, but he was so in awe of you that it didn’t click. So when your colder hands slid under the fabric and pulled it up and off of him, it shocked him back to the moment. Johnny gently pushed you back down onto your back, barely giving you time to admire the chiseled figure leaning down over you. 

“Relax, sweet girl, I’ve got you.” He kissed the edge of your lips, slowly making his way down the expanse of your body. Mouthing at the soft skin on your breasts, biting and sucking and going lower and lower, stopping at the apex of your thighs. 

“Keep your eyes on me, look away and I’ll stop. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fuck, don’t know what you do to me.” Your silky legs found their way onto his shoulders, his fingers digging in and bruising the meat of your thighs. Your legs trembled as he started licking and kissing, absolutely devouring you, fingers pushing your underwear aside and diving into the warmth of your cunt,

“Johnny…” Your hands moved to his head, threading your fingers through his surprisingly soft hair, unintentionally messing up the carefully styled hair but the thought didn’t even cross his mind.

“Could eat you all fuckin’ night, Princess. ‘Specially when you say my name like that.” He groaned against you, encouraged by the noises spilling from your parted lips. You rolled your hips in time with him pumping his fingers, 

“Yeah? Want me to devour you ‘till there’s nothin’ left?” You were a writhing, moaning, mess and he’d barely gotten started, the noises coming from him were pornographic as he groaned against your heat, his tongue gliding between your folds and swirling around your clit. Your eyes threatened to flutter closed as it was too much to take in, but Johnny’s gaze held you firmly, daring you to look away, knowing you wouldn’t. Knowing you were clay in his hands, knowing he could mold you however he felt and that you’d let him. The thought went straight to the throbbing erection straining against his jeans. 

“Johnny- so close- please.” Your voice kept hitching, knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter, you shamelessly ground your hips against his mouth and he ate you like a man starved, savoring the taste of you, flicking his tongue and causing your legs to tighten around his head. His fingers pumped in and out of you, curling at the spot that had you seeing stars, “Fuck Johnny ple-ease.” Higher and higher you climbed that peak until your head was thrown back against the bed, the wind getting knocked out of your lungs, so god damn close to tipping over that edge. 

Then he stopped. He withdrew his fingers and straightened up and as soon as he did your eyes fluttered back open and you looked up at him, confusion evident. He brought his fingers to his mouth, and your mind went blank. Your hands went to undo his belt and unfasten the button of his jeans, pulling them down his muscular thighs.

“Taste so goddamn good, bonnie.” He wiped mouth with the back of his hand, standing up and kicking off his jeans, sliding his boxer briefs off and away from him while you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra and toss it aside.

“Unreal how gorgeous you are, hen.” He kneeled back on the bed, kissing his way up from your soft ankles, teasing your clit with a flick of his tongue, nipping and sucking at your pebbled nipples, biting the sweet spot on your neck until finally, finally, he kissed you again. You moaned into his mouth, tasting yourself on his tongue, grinding your hips against his,

“Please, Johnny, please fuck me.” You begged between breathless kisses. 

“One more time, bonnie, please.” He was every bit out of breath as you are, your sweet moans knocking the air out of him. He gently tugged your lower lip between his teeth, “Need ta hear it one more time.”

“Fuck me, Johnny. I need you.” He pressed his forehead against yours, looking down at where he rubbed his dick against your slick heat. He shuddered at the warmth of you as he lined himself up with your entrance, groaning when he finally plunged into your throbbing cunt. You threw your head back with a moan and he dropped his against your shoulder,

“Sweet fuck bonnie, so fuckin’ good.” He panted, heart thundering in his chest when he dared to start moving his hips, starting off his thrusts slowly, meticulously, watching your every move, every twitch of your muscles, the way your mouth hung open as a string of moans and pleas spilled out of your pretty kiss-swollen lips. 

“Faster, Johnny, please.” He could never resist you, not before when you were just having micro coffee dates, and certainly not now when he’s balls deep in the warmth of your pussy. He leaned back, hands on your hips as his thrusts started picking up speed, he was hypnotized by the way your breasts bounced with each thrust, his fingers dug into the flesh of your hips, bringing you with him each time he drove into you. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, bonnie, the state of you.” He panted, one hand moving to rub your clit and it made you clench even harder around him. He groaned your name as his thrusts picked up in intensity and speed, your small hands clutched at his wrists, your legs wrapping around his hips to bring him that much closer to you. It created a new angle that had you arching your back off the bed, chanting his name in between moans, begging him not to stop,

“Don’t think I can stop, hen.” He felt the sweat rolling down his temples, his entire body feeling like an exposed nerve ending, every inch of him on fire,

“Please don’t. ’M- fuck- on the pill. Dont. Fucking. Stop.” You could barely get the words out, the last part coming out through gritted teeth,

“Fuck don’t say tha’.” He chuckled breathlessly, you pulled him down towards you, wrapping your arms around his neck, 

“Come with me, Johnny.” You bit the edge of his jaw, laving it with your tongue, sucking a colorful spot under his ear, his hips stuttered as he started thrusting harder into you. He turned his head and kissed you roughly, teeth tugging at your lips, you clenched around him as your orgasm washed over you. Your back arched off the bed, tits pressed against him, one of his arms snaked around your back and held you against him as he came with a groan, coaxed over the edge by your fluttering walls milking him for all he’s worth. He nearly collapsed on top of you if it wasn’t for him bracing himself with his arms on either side of your head, you wrapped your legs around his hips, keeping him close for just a moment longer. He kissed the side of your head and gently tapped your thigh, you untangled yourself from him and he pulled out and flopped onto his side, chest heaving, ears ringing just a little but in the best way. 

“I’ll have you know, I’m not usually a ‘first date’ kind of girl.” You panted, a playful smile pulling your lips as you turned onto your side to look at him. He chuckled and mimicked your movements,

“Wha’re you on about? Had plenty of dates, unless you’re saying you don’t count us having breakfast together as a date.” He quirked a brow, reaching across the both of you and taking a strand of your hair between his fingers,

“Well, uh, I mean, I-” Your cheeks went hot at the realization that he’s not wrong, and that maybe you sounded kind of rude, even if it was playful banter,

“I’m only teasin’, hen, course I’ll take you to dinner.” You shoved him jokingly as he pulled you close, his legs tangling with yours, arms wrapping around you and holding you against him,

“Or… you could stick around… indefinitely?” You suggested meekly, fingers tracing patterns in the dusting of hair on his chest, your head was tucked under his chin so you couldn’t see the blinding grin on his face. He buried his nose in your hair and kissed the crown of your hair,

“I like your idea better.”

[yanderepuck]

Believe it or not this started as Theo..and now we are here. Don't ask how that thought process went because I couldn't tell you.

BUT ITS BEEN A HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE WRITTEN WILL. Miss my husband. I've been thinking about this for 3 days at this point so here you go. This is literally porn with no plot. I didn't want to deal with figuring out how you got in the situation. You're just there.

A set of your fingers digs into his shoulder while the other set digs into the thigh next to you. Your body is resting on one leg of his as he sits on the edge of his bed. You hold on as you rock your hips against him, his fingers inside you.

Will's free hand holds your waist. Small whimpers and moans come from your lips before letting out a sharp yelp when he spreads his fingers apart, trying to stretch you more.

You don't slow down, if anything you get more desperate. You try to pull him closer and kiss him roughly. You could still taste your blood on his lips. You kiss rougher and rougher. Surely your lips would get bruised.

Will manages to wiggle his fingers even deeper, getting you to squirm. His free hand rips your open blouse from your body, running his hands over your skin, feeling you up before his fingers wrap around your neck, tearing you away from him.

"Show me how badly thee wanteth me."

He grins at you, his calm eyes locked with your desperate ones. He was enjoying this show far too much. That damn lustful voice of his could get you to do anything.

Rather than just rocking your body, you lift your hips up and come back down. Your moans get louder with the sensation.

"Good girl," his hand goes down your body again, squeezing you around the waist.

Just as you are about to come down on his fingers again, he meets you in the middle. Your nails dig into him. He holds you in place and starts to finger you.

His fingers thrust in and out, making your knees buckle.

"Ahh-hh!" You bite your lip and try standing on your toes. You try to close your legs but then his fingers stay deep in you.

His fingers curl like they are hooking onto you, and brings your body closer. You look down at him, panting and whining.

"Keep wiggling and I am tying thee to the bed."

You try to catch your breath and nod.

"Actually," he smiles at you and pulls you down into the bed anyway. His fingers finally leave your aching hole. You were grinding on him for far too long.

You look up and watch him quickly discard his clothes to the floor. His hair comes undone as he pulls his shirt off. Not bothering to fix it, he gets between your legs, quickly grabbing hold of your hands to hold them into the bed

His hair falls loose along the sides of his face, the ends brushing against your cheeks.

"Will.." you moan and buck your hips up. "Please.. Please stop teasing."

"Tis so fun to watch thee squirm."

He starts to kiss your neck around the area that he bit you. You wince at the slight pain, making him kiss you there again and again.

The tip of his precum soaked cock presses against your opening. Teasing you with how close he is.

He nibbles your ear. "Too bad we hath broken the cuffs last time. I have not hadst time to get a new pair."

"Maybe you shouldn't be so rough then," as if you don't constantly push him to be rough with you.

"Mayhaps thee stay still," he starts to whisper in your ear. "Thee want to be mine own toy but fail to realize toys moveth not."

His tip finally enters you. He moves slowly wanting to take in the look on your face. You take in a sharp breath as the rest of him fills you up, going past the point of where his fingers reached.

His first few thrusts start out painfully slow.

"W-Will. Please just fuck me!"

"Tis what I like to hear," his voice is soothing, almost relaxing. Then he thrusts into you much harder, jerking your body forward.

"Ahh!" One of your legs wraps around his waist.

Your fingers interlock with his, your nails digging into the back of his hand as he gets rougher. He barely seems to notice.

"Thou are still so tight after fucking mine own fingers for so long."

Your walls clenched around him, wanting to keep yourself filled with his cock.

Hearing his moans only gets you wetter. You try to pull your hands freed from him, not because you want him to let go, but because you want him to grip you tighter.

He moves both of your hands above your head. Using one hand he holds you down, pushing you into the bed, some of your hair being pulled in the process. His other hand grabs your jaw to keep you still for him to kiss you.

You squirm against him, not because you don't want it, you want it so badly, you want all of your body to be touched at once. To have his hands everywhere but also pushing you into the bed.

Once your lips are locked his hand grabs your breast, squeezing tightly before pinching your nipple.

You yell into his mouth, your back arching, your torso trying to squirm away from his touch. This only made him rougher.

Your hips buck as he is thrusting into you. You yell again and try keeping your hips where there are. You're so close. Just a little more. You tighten around him. He moans and his grip on you tightens.

But just before you feel yourself getting to finish he stops. He didn't cum either. You whine and he sits up, looking down at your reddened face.

"W-Will!" You try moving your own hips but it's not the same.

"Do thee think thee deserves it?"

"Yes! Please Will!" You beg and try to spread your legs wider. "P-please fill me. I-I'm your toy, r-remember?"

He lets your hands go and sits up. You keep your hands where they are to keep yourself open and vulnerable.

"Thee are adorable when thee beg," his hands slide down your skin, stopping at your hips. He never takes his eyes off you. "What are thee?"

"Y-your toy."

"Good girl," he pushes your hips into the bed before thrusting roughly into you.

Your toes curl and your nails dig into the palms of your own hands.

Will's hips keep snapping into yours. Now that he's sitting up you try to get a good look at his naked body. You try to see his cock disappearing into your hole. Strands of his hair stick to his face but he stays holding onto you.

"Ahh-hh f-fuck!" You yell loudly as you finally manage to reach your climax, slicking up your hole even more.

Will doesn't slow down, he might have even got faster. You feel your body start to squirm again and try fighting it. You dig your fingers into the sheets under you, bracing yourself. In moments a hot load of cum fills you.

Your body jerks slightly but you keep as still as you can until he's pulled out.

You both pant, feeling warm. Will lays down beside you, waiting a moment before pulling you to his body. Your eyes close and try to relax.

~~

Tag list~

@kissmetwicekissmedeadly @fang-and-feather @xalxtusxiao @namine-somebodies-nobody @ana-thedaydreamer @evil-quartett @ameyoruakiikemenseries @yrenesposts @tele86 @damekathearasi @lokis-laugh @candied-boys @breadmercury @aquagirl1978 @xenokiryu @nightghoul381 @vampiricpancake @lulu-the-smol-floof @tako-cafe @floydsteeth

[f4iry-bell]

Stained shirt and two seats for one | part 2

mostly written from graysons pov, from next part it'll from readers pov AND ive decided a name!!! it's Arya!!!! she looks just like you.

← previous part

It has been exactly two days since Grayson landed in London to meet his half sisters. He loved both of his sisters dearly but Grayson Hawthorne is a man who needs some time alone with himself sometimes. He did not care about what people would think, he was too busy to care about how they view him for the things he does. Things like dining alone in a fancy restaurant. And when he is alone, he doesn't just eat and relax, he thinks about his work, he has been working alongside with his aunt in the Hawthorne Foundation and in Hannah, same as forward as backwards. Even though his grandfather has cut him and his brothers off his fortune, Grayson managed to make enough and more money by investing.

Once he was done with his food he was looking at a few paperworks, something that you'd find a person doing in a cafe not at a fancy restaurant. Finally he decided to call the waiter to get the bill but that's when something caught his eyes. Someone across his table, with very familiar wavy hair. That girl. She looked different from the last time he saw her, she was wearing a white shirt layered with a black vest, he couldn't see her bottoms as it was hidden under the table, her hair was pretty much the same except it was neatly done. There was a hint of makeup as well. She was sitting on the table not 8 feet far away from him with someone, a guy. A date? boyfriend? 

Has she been here the whole time? His first thought was that she was stalking Grayson but he erased that thought when he saw her with some random guy and having a serious and professional conversation with the guy. She was using her iPad to show him something, Grayson can't tell what was on the screen but he could see there was a lot of writing. He watched her talk to this unknown guy for a while until the waiter asked him if he was ready to pay. Grayson ordered a cup of coffee and watched her again. He observed her movements, he noticed she speaks while using a lot of hand movements and has a very expressive face, the way her eyes widened every now and then, he even tried to read her lips. He told himself that was the only reason his eyes wandered to her lips.

Finally the guy stood up and shook her hand before leaving the restaurant. Grayson watched her as she did something on her iPad and then kept it inside her bag, his heart skipped a beat when her eyes left her bag and directly met him. She was just as shocked as Grayson when he noticed her presence. And she saw him while he was looking at her, she must think he was a creep, Grayson expected her to scrunch her face in disgust but instead she gave him a closed mouthed smile and a weak wave. Grayson looked back to make sure she was waving at him even though he was 99% sure that she was waving at him. 

With no choice, he waved back. That was how their interaction should have ended but it did not. Just a wave because after all they are still strangers. He doesn't even know her name. Maybe he should ask her name, but why? His legs started moving on its own, something was pulling him towards her table, it was like a magnetic force. 

He was grateful that she spoke first. “Hi.” it was all she said.

“I see you've managed to change to a cleaner attire” He comments.

“I did.” It was a bit awkward. Neither of them knew what to say. “I’m Arya.” So that's her name. Arya. If she is giving him her name, it means she wants to know him, right? 

“Grayson” His tone was neutral yet again, impossible to read.

“If this was our first time meeting, I'd say ‘nice to meet you’ but giving our previous encounter…” She said in a joking manner.

“Once again I'm sorry about that. May I ask, what are you doing here? London is a big city, is it a coincidence that we are seeing eachother again?” He asked. Hoping that it didn't sound weird. 

“Well I had a meeting with a client of mine. Are you suggesting that I'm stalking you?” She asked, he looked for offence in her face but he only found a surprised smile.

“No. I mean, no.” He was quick with his words. “Client? So you're here for work, I see” He quickly changed the topic. 

“Mhmm. What about you?” She asked, dropping the previous topic.

“Family.” Was all he said. 

“That's nice,” She said. There it was the awkward silence yet again. He was still standing.

“What do you do? For work?” He asked out of curiosity and immediately regretted it. She looked like she was ready to leave and he is keeping her here.

“Public relations.” She answers. “Why don't you have a seat?” She motioned towards the seat in front of her. He hesitated but sat anyway. He told himself that he was only engaging in this conversation because he is curious about her.

“That is interesting. You must be good with words.” He told her.

She chuckled, “I’m not that good, giving that I started like 9 months ago” 

“Just 9 months ago? So you got the job as soon as you finished your studies?” He asked with a frown, she looks young she must have just gotten out of university.

“I did an internship last year. For like three agencies.” She said.

“Three? You must really like this field then, at what place are you in now? at your job? ” He asked.

“I'm definitely not the manager given my years of experience, I work with a team. What work do you do?” She asked.

“Family business.” He said and immediately switched back to her life “So where is your team?” He asked.

“In Singapore. Our client wasn't able to make it back to Singapore because of some personal reasons. So one of us had to come here and clear things up.” She told him.

Grayson leaned back “Then you must be really good at what you do”

“Maybe” She shrugged.

There was a moment of silence. “Am I keeping you from something? I'm sorry, you were about to leave” Grayson asked.

“No, it's fine. I actually have nothing to do. My meeting with the client is over. If you weren't here, I would just go back to my hotel and sleep because I'm leaving London tomorrow early in the morning.” She chuckled.

She's leaving that soon?

“Why not explore?” He asked. 

“I didn't think I'd have time, so I didn't prepare what to explore,” She replied.

“This is your first time in London, right?” He asked. 

“Yep”

“And you would like to explore?”

“Yes”

“Then you should let me take you exploring” He offered “I'm a good tour guide.”

She smiled and nodded.

Like he said, he was indeed a good guide, he explained things with its  history. He mostly took her to posh places that he has been, Arya already knew he is rich from his looks, but the places he took her showed her that he is filthy rich. Grayson almost forgot that he was in London to see his sisters and not tour guiding a pretty girl. He actually enjoyed her company. She was polite, humble and even funny in her own way. They talked a lot, mostly about her, Grayson was interested in her before but learning more about her only kept him fascinated. 

There was a feeling that nagged him when it was time for her to get back to her hotel. He dropped her off at her hotel. 

He will never see her again.

next part →

[stellar-skyy]

DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT - Nilou x reader

i. SUMMARY: What if Nilou had an artist for a partner? ii. CONTENT WARNINGS: None! iii. NOTES: Fluff, artist!reader, gn!reader, they/them pronouns used, 1.5k words. iv. A/N: aaah i love nilou she deserves so much love. the majority of this was written in one sitting, which is surprising cause i am a big procrastinator :')

Imagine Nilou with an artist for a partner.

She met them directly after a performance. It was hardly the start of a love story; rather a random chapter in the middle of a slice-of-life novel, something that she’d never dream would change her life. It was a few words, traded between her usual thank you’s and appreciations that she received at the end of her dances.

“Miss Nilou,” A voice called out over the swarm of people. (And it was truly a crowd that day! Nilou couldn’t remember how long it had been since so many people showed up for a performance.) “Hey—excuse me, sorry—Miss Nilou!”

“Hm?” Nilou turned, wide-eyed and overwhelmed by the people surrounding her. They were all offering her such kind words; her cheeks couldn’t turn redder if she tried.

The voice that was louder than the rest came from a figure struggling to be noticed from the outskirts. Nilou excused herself from the people trying to mob her, and smiled warmly at them. “Hello. Were you there for the show?”

“Yes, I was! It was the most amazing thing I’ve seen!” The person grinned, eyes shining. Their eyes were so pretty, Nilou could have watched them all day. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it before. It was so graceful, and elegant… like something out of a work of art.”

“I appreciate your support!” Nilou giggled, her cheeks turning pink. “If you’re interested in seeing another performance, I will be here in three days.”

“I just might have to take you up on that offer. Goodby—”

That was all she heard of the person before they were swallowed up by the crowd.

Fortunately, it was far from the last time she’d see them.

Because they came to her next performance. And the one after that, and the one that followed it. Watching her with transfixed eyes; meeting her with more excited words spilling from their lips.

Short bursts of conversation after her show turned into dinner at Puspa Cafe and nights spent walking along the Bazaar with only each other for company. There, Nilou shyly asked them about themself; their family, their work. What their dreams were, and what they did to pass the time.

"I like to draw," (Name) explained, pulling a sketchbook from their bag and flipped through the pages. The drawings within were startlingly beautiful; delicate charcoal sketches of various figures, watercolour paintings made with rich and vivid pigments, and an assortment of pencil drawings of the sights of Sumeru City.

Nilou stared with stars in her eyes. "That's—that's so amazing!"

"Oh," Their eyes went wide, a nervous laugh escaping their mouth. "I'm not that amazing. I've just been practicing a while."

"You are! You have a talent, (Name)! You have to be proud of how far you've come, and the skills you've learnt!"

"Thank you, Nilou..."

She smiled at them, sunshine radiating from the warmth in her eyes. They stared back at her, traces of embarrassment and flattery still lingering in their expression. They looked simply lovely that night, as picturesque as any one of their artworks. And once Nilou had her eyes on them, she couldn't quite bring herself to look away, not when the cool glow of the streetlights fell on them at just the right angle to make their face practically glow, so breath-taking and—

Oh.

"I think..."

"Hm?"

"I think you're my favourite person." Nilou said breathlessly. (Name)'s eyes widened, their lips parting with a tiny gasp.

"Thank you," They whispered. "You're... you're mine too."

Nilou wasn’t quite sure when they became something more than friends.

It could have been the time that they went out to the edge of the Avidya Forest for a picnic, where Nilou brought her favourite pudding and an array of tiny cakes that she made the day before, when they sat by the river for hours dipping their feet into the water, how she found herself with her head in their lap by the end of the day.

It could also have been the time when Nilou excitedly begged them to let her teach them how to dance; where they stood awkwardly in the centre of the stage as she fussed around them, gently adjusting their arms and hands, leaning over their shoulder to correct their stance, and finally showing them how to sway and glide and spin across the stage.

She didn’t really care when things changed; to her, it was only important that they had. She would cherish the memories that they gave her, inscribing their smile to her memory, feeling delightfully dizzy at the thought of their arms around her. She’d wait at the end of her performances with that shining hope that they’d be there to rush up to her and spin her around in a hug. They didn’t show up for every performance, they had a job after all. But out of all of them, the ones where they were watching were her favourite.

Nilou tried not to look at the crowd when she danced. It was easier to lose herself in the movements, letting her body take over and her mind disconnect from the onlookers before her. She would close her eyes and imagine twirling around in her dark practice room, free from eyes and free from judgement.

For once, she let that go and focused on the crowd, looking across the audience between her movements. She swept her gaze across the people, scanning for the one person she wanted to see. There were many people; mothers holding their children up to see, couples holding hands and watching in excitement, passersby who were drawn in by the performance, but Nilou didn’t stop until she saw the one outline of the figure she knew all too well by this point.

They were…

They weren’t watching.

Their head was bowed, shoulders hunched over their sketchbook. In their hand, a pencil was scribbling furiously. They didn’t bother to look up at Nilou at all.

Her breath spiked sharply, and on the next beat her hands faltered in their movement. It was a tiny mistake, but she could see Mr Zubayr’s face pinch in a miniscule frown. She quickly shut her eyes again, this time to keep the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes still.

The rest of her dance passed by in a blur. She barely noticed when the audience began their applause.

“Nilou… Nilou!” That lovely, familiar voice didn’t fill her with the same bubbly excitement that it usually did. She turned anyway, plastering a smile on her face and hoping it didn’t look too fake.

“Hello, (Name).” She greeted politely. “Did you enjoy the show?”

“Yes! I also made you something,” They pulled out the same leather-bound book they were holding in the middle of the show. Nilou felt a pang in her heart at the sight of it. “It’s somewhere around… here! I had to finish up the last details during the show, but I wanted to make sure it was perfect.”

The sketchbook was pushed into her hands, opened to a watercolour artwork of a beautiful woman. It was painted in the softest shades of blue, white, and red, with delicate brushstrokes that could only have been made by the most loving hand. The figure’s hands were poised gracefully above her head, one leg pointing to the side. Her head was tilted back and her eyes were closed, and there was a surprising tenderness to how her face was drawn, to show a peaceful—and undoubtedly beautiful expression.

The most surprising part though, was it was most definitely a picture of her.

It couldn’t have been made in one performance, so how long have they been working on the piece to have such detail? Nilou imagined them during the show, hunched over the sketchbook, finishing the last little details of the drawing. She thought of them looking up to see her eyes closed, expression holding the dim traces of heartbreak, looking down between the serene face in the drawing and wondering what could be wrong.

“Do you… like it?” They said nervously. Nilou looked up with a radiating smile.

“Oh, (Name),” Nilou squealed, breathless with relief. “I love it, I love it!”

“I’m glad,” (Name) breathed out.

“Thank you,” Nilou murmured. Her eyes closed slowly, the fear that she felt earlier melting down into contentment. A hand cupped her face, thumb rubbing slowly along her cheek.

“Nilou?” (Name) said softly. “Are you crying?”

Her cheeks were wet. How did she not notice before. “I—I guess I am.”

“Why? Did I do something?”

“No, it’s just—” Nilou swallowed. “I looked at you when you were in the audience. You weren’t looking. I thought… you didn’t like my dancing.”

As she spoke the words, they sounded pathetic even to her own ears. (Name)’s expression crumpled, and they used their thumb to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes. “Don’t worry,” (Name) whispered, pressing a delicate kiss to Nilou’s forehead. “I absolutely loved it.”

reblogs and comments are appreciated! ♡

[h4chi]

love alarm, part iv.

here THEO tries making it up for the lost years.

theo x female reader, 633 words

It was odd seeing Theo in front of your doorstep after years, yet it was even more odd seeing him with one hand busy holding a hot cappuccino and the other holding a little brown bag, probably containing whatever food.

“Yn! Hi!” he was always such a morning person. You, on the other hand, always favored 5 minutes of more sleep. 

“Hi Theo.”

He offered to you what he was holding, smiling brightly in the action of doing so.

“I brought you breakfast. I always see you getting this at piece’s cafe, so I hope I picked the right stuff…” he turned his head to the side as his voice got lower as he kept rambling. You found it pretty cute.

“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to.” You take his offerings in your hands, and proceed to take a bite of the chocolate croissant that was in the bag. It was 8am, that means he must’ve gotten up very early to be able to be on time and also to get you breakfast. 

You both started walking to school, and you must admit, the trip was way less awkward than you would’ve expected it to be. It seemed just like all those years of ignoring each other never happened as Theo filled you up with everything he had done in the last months. Apparently, he dropped volleyball to pursue a musical career, his older sister moved to Japan to study, and he got a job at a florist very close to school, owned by a friend of his grandmother. Oh, and he finally got a puppy.

It really felt like the old Theo, your Theo, was finally back, and you couldn’t be any happier.

You parted ways as he had a different class from yours, his being p.e. and yours biology. 

As soon as he was far enough, you saw the notification from love alarm going away, and the number 1 changing into a 0. You sighed, putting your phone in your pocket, and making your way to your usual seat.

The seat next to yours was empty, as Intak informed you he had a medical appointment, until someone familiar approached you.

“Yn, gorgeous as always. Is this seat taken?”

You rolled your eyes as you saw Jiung, today weirdly without the company of any girl. “My bag is on the chair, Jiung.”

Despite the comment he moved it elsewhere, and proceeded to take a seat next to you.

“So, hanging out with Theo again?” The lesson already had begun, and the teacher was drawing on the blackboard explaining something about biotechnologies. 

“Yes. And why do you care?”

He shrugged his shoulder. “I don’t know. I just thought you two had, you know, broken up a few time ago.”

You copied what was now written on the blackboard. “Yes, and? He apologized.”

“Why wouldn’t you go out with me then? I’m handsome, funny, generous...”, you furrowed your eyebrows, trying to pay attention to the class while Jiung kept on listing attributes that he most definitely didn’t have, “I’m basically everything that you- that a girl needs!”

You ran out of patience. Actually, for being only 9.10am, you kept silent for way longer than you would’ve at a different time of the day. 

“Jiung,” you turn to face him with a fake smile, “that is exactly where you’re being wrong.” you can quite say what he’s thinking, but he wears a questionable look as he listens to what you have to say. “I don’t want to go out with you because I don’t want to go out with you. You’re annoying, full of yourself, egoist, and a narcissist. I’m sorry if you don’t struck my fancy, but stop bothering me about it. Maybe then I’ll start liking you.” 

“Yah, Yn, you’re so-“

“Choi, Yl, if you keep disturbing the class I’ll have no choice but to send you both to detention. If you’re not interested, you’re free to leave the room.”

hello :) did you check part iii yet? back to masterlist. interested in part v?

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