#ive recovered from that era

[standing-flowers]

why the fuck was my childhood crush orin scrivello. what was wrong with little me

[androidboy]

-

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

body paint extended outro - 25/06/23 bellahouston park glasgow (my video ahhhh!!)

[all-l-wanna-do]

the imposter syndrome is back and none of my tricks to lessen it are working 😭 please brain just stop this

[fagrackham]

I feel bad i have so many excellent urls ive been hoarding for years at this point but i like my url too much to ever change it. im not giving them up tho

[stxrvel]

i don't wanna live forever (1)

summary: reader couldn't stop having deaths in her life ever since the Supersoldier serum came into her life. no matter how hard she tried to stay sane, it seemed that life didn't want to give her a break. until, one afternoon, she learned that one of her old friends was alive… (you guys know im bad at summaries, but please give this one a chance)

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4.5k

warnings: angst, major character deaths, canon deaths¿?, bad words, english is not my first language! thoughts of revenge and death, this is like an introductory chapter, so the buckyxreader interaction is low, but it'll get better, i promise!

note: holy fuck guys. i just spent like five hours writing and editing this and i fucking love it. its been a while since ive been this proud of a work, im actually scare the emotion will disappear, but i really want to rejoice in this one. i wanted to write something a little different from my usuals, maybe a little common in the fanfiction world, but i started and i simply could not stop (or maybe just approach this bucky fic from another perspective). so this is the first part and i'll try with all my heart to keep this going because it was fucking insane, at least for me. i really hope you all like this as much as i do! feel free to leave any comment! thanks always for all the support!! see you next time <3

part 2 ; part 3 ; part 4

When you went into the Supersoldier serum project with Steve, you thought you were going to change the world. Of course, at that time when technology was relatively new any invention felt like the beginning of a new era. That's how it was all sold to you and it was how you expected everything to turn out… Until you realized that it was all really a waste of effort and time.

They were just propaganda for war. Not to stop it, to promote it. To motivate it.

You tried, on several occasions, not to think too much about it. You tried to stay out of it as Steve sometimes asked you to, even though even he didn't want to, as Bucky asked you to when you lay on his shoulder to cry in the little time you had free between trips. It was a great burden of guilt and helplessness.

Until you and Steve, with the almost imposed help of Peggy and Howard, rescued Bucky from the evil hands of Johann Schmidt and his nefarious organization, HYDRA, that, unbeknownst to you, would haunt you for a long time to come. It was only after that, after spending several sleepless days on edge thinking about what might be happening to Bucky, that you and Steve were finally able to go out and contribute something. Destroy HYDRA and the Red Skull's plans.

Of course, you realized that not everything could go right when, the one mission you couldn't attend, Bucky didn't return. And then Steve didn't come back either.

“Do you think this will ever end?” you had asked Bucky the day before his last mission.

“Of course it will,” he had answered without hesitation, moonlight illuminating his clear eyes, squeezing your hand as if it was all he wanted to do for the rest of his life. “And after that we can begin to live as it should be.”

But there was no after that, because you never recovered from losing him. From losing them both.

“Are you okay?” Peggy approached, in the middle of the afternoon when the sun was streaming through the stained glass windows of the church, illuminating the spot where Steve's empty coffin had been, because they didn't even find his body. They didn't even think there was any of it left.

You barely moved your head to acknowledge her presence, moving the prayer slip they had recited throughout the mass between your hands. Your eyes were crystallized, in tears that no longer even made the effort to flow, because you had already spent too many days and nights crying. Peggy had been on the other side of the church, sitting next to Howard while the priest spoke, because you had refused to be near them in those moments. You didn't want to be near them.

“As well as one can be,” you slurred, finding that it had been a long time since you'd last used your voice for anything other than cursing and crying disconsolately.

The people had already left, probably an hour or more ago. The empty coffin had already been brought out, all the flower arrangements had been picked up, and the priest was preparing for the evening mass. You knew you had to leave, you knew Peggy and Howard were there waiting for you, but you felt stuck at that moment. You didn't want to leave, you didn't want to get ahead, you didn't want that life if it had to be this cruel.

You heard Peggy's sigh, before she took a seat next to you, a short distance away, averting her gaze to look at Christ on the cross.

You didn't know if you were selfish to be so closed off to your friends at this moments, because they must be grieving as much as you were, but you didn't know how to deal with the future possibilities. Bucky and Steve, great men and soldiers, one even with enhanced abilities, had not been able to make it through the punishment of war. What if Peggy and Howard were the same? What if they too had the cruel fate of dying at the hands of injustice? Could you deal with that? With everyone gone?

Maybe you could open up to them a little more because if not, who else? Turning away from them was not going to ensure their survival in this hate-filled society. Maybe you could protect them, like you couldn't protect Steve and Bucky. Maybe you could make a difference, because you had the chance to.

“You know,” Peggy spoke again, rearranging herself on the bench and crossing her legs, “Steve always knew this was how it would end.”

Her wistful, mournful, fragile voice sent a shiver through your body. Peggy didn't consider herself someone to show herself vulnerable in front of others no matter how close they were, even in those things that hurt her the most, in those things that affected her personally and made her eyes water instantly, she always tended to shut down. And at that moment you didn't dare interrupt her because you knew it would probably be the only time she would talk about Steve in a long time.

“Sometimes we'd talk, between tour trips, and he would tell me that wasn't what he wanted to do, even when he had to convince you otherwise,” her clasped hands would occasionally squeeze between words, blinking rapidly to fight back the tears. “He didn't know if he'd made the right decision.”

You could almost picture him, backstage at the foot of the stairs with that notebook he carried everywhere and wouldn't let go, Peggy at his side nostalgic, as helpless as the others. It reminded you of the times you'd had similar conversations with Bucky, desperate to find a purpose, a way through so much fog.

“The first time I saw him so sure of himself was when he asked us to help them look for Bucky,” she mumbled his name, as if trying not to scare you away by saying it too loudly. “Ever since then it seemed like he'd found that spark…”

“Until Bucky died,” you whispered, the words cutting through the cold and silence, Peggy shifting on the bench contritely.

“He lost something of himself from that day on, it wasn't hard to tell. The next time I heard him so sure after spending days lost, it was on that call from the plane.”

Peggy paused, raising her hand to cover her mouth as her voice faltered. You turned to look at her, wishing you could rip the pain from her soul and leave it in yours. She was trying to contain her emotions, breathing deeply, and in that moment you wondered what life might be like from now on, with the specter of grief following you around, waiting for the next time the dead knocked on your doors, unexpectedly, without allowing you to say goodbye.

“He had told me he wouldn't die in peace until he could get it all over with. And he took it all with him. And I hated him so much for it…” Peggy sobbed, her labored breathing standing out between words. She kept looking straight ahead at the stained glass windows, the expression on her face hard and scowling despite having tears rolling down her cheeks, as if she were trying to blame something for what had happened. Her reproachful eyes fixed on the Christ.

Her wails echoed through the walls of the church, the father on the dais sending them a look of sorrow. He had offered you water, thirty minutes after everyone at Steve's wake had left, when they kept walking, and you stood there.

Another empty casket.

“Ladies,” Howard's voice reached your ears amidst all the physical and emotional numbness. You could barely notice Peggy wiping under her eyes with the pocket square that was surely part of Howard's suit, as she took breaths to get up. “We should go now.”

You heard him walk, his slow, careful steps stopping just behind you. There, on his feet with his chest tight, he rested a hand on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze in support. He knew it was the most you would allow him at a time like this, deciding not to pass up the opportunity to let you know he was there. You sighed, feeling a heaviness take over your body as you stood up.

“Yeah, let's go.”

The next few months passed in a blur. Maybe too fast, maybe too slow, you weren't sure anymore.

Peggy continued to work at the Strategic Science Reserve for a couple of years, calling you from time to time to help her with some jobs. You kept a low profile, practically a fugitive from the state, while trying to live a halfway normal life in Europe. A lot of it thanks to Howard really.

Life had become a rather monotonous routine when you stopped getting so many calls from Peggy and Howard several years later. You knew they were fine, but not being able to return to the country filled you with anguish every day. And trying to lead a normal life became too complicated when you looked in the mirror and it seemed like not a single day had passed since you were in that capsule of Dr. Erskine's with Steve.

Until Peggy called one day asking you to come back. She told you that it was safe, that there would be no state officials waiting for you at the airport, but even if that had been the situation, you wouldn't have hesitated for a second to buy the first plane ticket and fly to see them again. To Howard and Peggy, to melt into an embrace, longing for the lost years.

You had thought that contributing to the fight in World War II had earned you a ticket to at least be recognized in the military, but all you gained was the government with their mad scientists looking for you to try to recreate the Supersoldier serum. Peggy didn't want to risk you and Howard gave you no choice by giving you a plane ticket to Finland with your bags packed.

You wasted many years not being by their side, unable to keep the promise you had made them in your head to be close by to protect them, to watch over their safety.

But when you left the airport there was only Peggy, and maybe that should've told you everything.

Her hair already looked gray, the effects of gravity and time present on her face. You hated to think that you shouldn't have looked any different from the way she saw you last time when she waved you off at that same airport. Her warm gaze was the same, raising her arms with held back tears to encircle you in a big hug. She tried hard not to sob against your shoulder, you felt the choppy movement of her breath against your chest.

She looked so different and the same at the same time.

You walked to her car a moment later, her trying to carry your suitcase and you telling her you were perfectly fine carrying it on your own. Amidst a smile, she walked into the driver's door and you frowned as you saw the empty passenger seat.

“Where's Howard?” you spoke as you sat down, after stowing the huge suitcase in the trunk of the car. The way you moved to buckle up, you didn't notice the way Peggy froze in place, her hands clenching the steering wheel so tightly that her breath hitched from the effort.

“We're going to see him,” was all she said, but she was very good at hiding that something was wrong. Only for a little while.

During the trip, even though you tried to ask things about them, about what they had been doing during this time, you didn't miss the way her shoulders were tense or her eyes very alert. Something bad had happened and Peggy was trying to hide it from you.

When she pulled up in front of a church, you already knew what had happened without her answering a single one of your questions.

Howard had died.

You two had sat next to Howard's son Tony, his spitting image, in complete silence as the prayers went on. At that moment you didn't know what had happened, hoping it had been a quiet and peaceful death, because you didn't know if you would be able to endure another violent death.

Peggy gave you all the details when the mass was over, after the coffin was taken away, and you hadn't felt such fury in so many years. Not since the deaths of Bucky and Steve had that adrenaline rush of anger returned to run through your body as violently as it did at that moment, when Peggy told you that he had been murdered along with his wife. All to steal some prototypes of Dr. Erskine's serum. The damned serums with which everything had started.

This time there was a body in the coffin, but there was also a culprit. Someone to point the finger at and take it out on for years of anguish and pain.

You were at Peggy's house, staying for a few days, when she told you that wasn't all.

Peggy had a suspicion that HYDRA hadn't disappeared when Steve crashed that plane into the ice. Her suspicions generated panic in you, because Bucky and Steve had died for that, now apparently Howard, only for it all to have been for nothing. The feeling of carnage that ran through your whole head made you nauseous, years of helplessness and pain pent up in such a small body had to find its way out somehow.

“It was a man, according to the information I've been able to gather,” Peggy spoke, taking a seat across from you in the dining room of her living room, after pouring you a glass of lemonade. “He didn't die from the crash. He had a concussion. He was hit in the head. His wife died from asphyxiation.”

“Does Tony know?”

“No,” Peggy shook her head quickly, one hand over her heart as if the mere thought caused her physical pain. “It didn't even occur to me to tell him something like that.”

“And he was looking for the serum,” you recalled, a bitter feeling planted in the back of your throat, the memories of the disastrous times during the war coming back into your head like a blinding flash.

“He took them. We don't know who he is or who he works for, but whoever they are, they must have been following us for a long time to know about them.”

“You mean years,” you arched an eyebrow, your fingers touching the cool exterior of the glass seeking some reassurance.

“Possibly. That project isn't recent,” Peggy nodded, drinking her lemonade with a grimace. You stared at the liquid almost finished from her glass, a wrinkle forming between your brows with each passing second and you kept wondering why.

“But what the fuck was going through that asshole's head?” you spat angrily. Rage at already the amount of lives that serum had taken with it and at Howard's recklessness. Rage at the reaper who seemed to be following in their footsteps for some reason, rage at that damn man and whoever his damn boss was.

“It was the only option, Y/N,” Peggy turned her gaze, meeting your eyes with a strange glint.

“What do you mean?” you were almost afraid to ask, your friend's gaze suddenly turning evasive. You watched her run her fingernails over the glass of the tumbler, lost for a moment in thought. The way her shoulders slumped forward in defeat caused a pressure in your chest that made it hard to breathe. Peggy shouldn't be going through these things at this point in life.

“Howard was working with the Pentagon, as a contractor or something. They had found you. Howard felt cornered and they made him sign an agreement.”

With your incredulous look on her face, Peggy didn't dare look back at you for a few seconds. So much had happened since you had left and it seemed that you had only been told about the things you weren't going to care about so much. But if you had known that you wouldn't have cared much about giving some of the state officials their comeuppance. You would've liked Howard to trust you enough to tell you, not live in as much fear behind his back as the last few years must've been. You didn't like the way Peggy's lips curved downward, as if she, too, would've preferred to make another decision had she known this was how it was going to end.

“Howard assured them that he could recreate the serum, and told them he would as long as they left you alone.”

“Fucking asshole…” you closed your eyes, scrubbing your face with your hands. The rough skin of your hands rubbed against the delicate skin of your face, years of combat and mistreatment foreseeing a harshness that reminded you every day of what you'd had to go through to get to that moment.

“I only found out about it after it happened. I didn't see it for like a whole week,” Peggy shook her head slightly, her eyes glistening in the pain of the memories. You shook your head hard, a more violent reaction than you could have anticipated.

“That stupid… stupid asshole! What the fuck made him think I couldn't defend myself?”

“He was trying to do the right thing,” Peggy finally searched your eyes, meeting the red rims that told her you were holding back too hard breaking in front of her, only using that pain mixed with rage to keep you sane.

“And look how that turned out!”

Peggy stretched her hand across the table, with a pleading look asking you to lower your voice, averting her gaze to the hallway. You followed her gaze, for a second forgetting where you were, forgetting that her family was with you behind the doors where you were plunged into darkness. It was past midnight.

You took a second to calm yourself, trying to drown out the uncontrolled emotions and taking deep breaths to calm your fluttering heart.

“And if what you theorize is true…” you regretted the moment those words left your mouth; you didn't even want to finish the sentence.

“Do you think it is?”

“I don't want to,” you shook your head instantly, closing your eyes, the thought sounding illogical inside your head. Your hands on your chest trying to contain the storm of feelings that was making chaos inside your head. “That would mean that everything we did, everything Bucky, Steve and Howard did and sacrificed, was in vain. It will all have been in vain.”

You spent several weeks with that thought in your head, working hand in hand with Peggy, and the organization you barely knew as SHIELD, to track down the whereabouts of the killer of Tony's parents and the one responsible because the Supersoldier's serums were, surely, in the wrong hands.

And yes, it was many years of fruitless missions and dead ends, with you running every field mission and Peggy calling the shots from the New York facility. Every time you felt close to discovering something, it seemed that the enemy rejoiced in your failures and still couldn't understand how they were always three steps ahead.

However, you had to leave the missions when Peggy became ill.

The silent, lethal Alzheimer's.

During the first months in the hospital, she still recognized you. She also recognized her husband and children. But after the first year, she frowned every time her children walked through the door. After a year and a half, her husband had to remind her that they had been married for about forty years.

After two years, she was still only remembering you, Howard, Steve and Bucky. Her whole life during her time in the army was all you talked about, sometimes you would tell her how much more time had passed than she remembered and always, without fail, she would ask you how much you had done in Europe for so long by yourself.

She cried every time she remembered Howard's death. She cried every time she remembered her children. Out of her mouth came a thousand apologies that no one would accept, because there was nothing anyone could do to prevent what had to happen. You wished she had been a serum test subject instead of you.

For several years, missions to find Tony's parents killer were sporadic because you spent more time around Peggy than at the SHIELD facility. She was the only thing you had left of everything you'd ever had, of when you held the world in your hands. She was the last thing keeping you tethered to that reality, keeping madness from flooding your reason. How could you have so many years ahead of you when that was all you had to live for? A life full of the dead, full of pain and suffering. What kind of karma were you paying for?

You were leaving the SHIELD facility, after another failed mission, when Nick Fury stopped you in front of the exit. You almost rolled your eyes right under his watchful gaze, tired of having to meet him anywhere, and exhausted from his comments about this vengeance project or whatever he wanted you to be a part of.

You still didn't know how, being such an exemplary agent, Coulson had fallen into his nets.

“Miss L/N,” the man stopped you with his words, his hands behind his back and a tense stance that caught your attention.

“Fury,” you nodded in his direction, hoping he'd be quick because you were running late for your weekly visit with Peggy. “Do you need anything?”

“I'd like you to come with me somewhere,” Fury approached tentatively, his one eye fixed on your wary expression, which shifted to boredom the moment you thought you knew what he wanted.

“If this is about that project, I've told you a thousand times-”

“No,” he interrupted you, moving forward and removing his hands from behind his back. “It's not related to that. I really want you to come with me.”

“You look agitated, but I need-”

“I'll take you to see Peggy myself after this.”

You didn't like that he knew your routine, even though you weren't doing enough to hide it from the other agents. But Fury looked nervous, even though he was hiding it very well, trying to keep his cool as he looked for ways to convince you.

You figured it wouldn't be a big deal for you to go off the deep end for once. After all, Peggy never remembered you were going to see her.

You set off in Fury's armored vans, not quite sure where you were going, but sure that it was urgent, because he had taken it upon himself to let his driver know that you had to get there as soon as possible.

You took that time on the trip to come up with a new strategy for the next mission because what you were doing up to that point wasn't working and you felt too close to throwing in the towel, figuratively speaking. You could spend years following a ghost, but you wouldn't give up on finding Howard and Maria's killer.

Before the car pulled up to one of SHIELD's secret sections, they passed the giant, imposing Stark Tower. You never saw Tony again after that time at his parents' funeral, not even during his visits to Peggy because you always made it a point not to cross him. You didn't think you'd be able to look him in the eye while you knew his parents had been killed without being able to tell him. You had promised Peggy in her lucid moments that you wouldn't tell him anything until you could find the culprit. You didn't want to initiate that pain if it had to be kept repressed, as yours once was, and probably still is. You had learned, some time after the funeral, that he was living with Edwin Jarvis, and you were glad to know that he would have good companionship to keep him company in such hard times.

Fury, a handful of agents and you entered the vans through the entrance to what appeared to be the parking lot of an old warehouse. Upon entering, the first thing you noticed was the number of armed agents that seemed to be guarding the place, not at all discreet to how SHIELD used to do things. You weren't sure if Peggy would authorize something like that, but you couldn't question the Director's decisions. It wasn't your place.

“What's going on here?” you frowned, watching as every meter there was another agent and another agent. You got out of the car without waiting for an answer from Fury, moving directly toward the entrance where most of the agents were concentrated. You barely noticed their looks in contradiction, running their eyes over you and then over the man trying to catch up to you, dubious as to whether or not they should move. “Move.”

“Wait,” Fury's voice stopped the command in the agents, who turned back to look at you as you sent Fury a confused look.

“What's all this mystery, Nicholas?” the man startled almost discreetly at your tone of voice, the agents stirring uncomfortably, but kept the serene expression that was getting on your nerves. “What the fuck did you do?”

“We got a call from the Arctic.”

“From the Arctic?”

You tried to ignore the way the hairs on your neck instantly stood up, your body alerting you to something your mind still couldn't comprehend. You felt like a deer face to face with a predator, expecting the worst.

“The Colonel informed us of something that might interest us,” Fury's cryptic voice echoed in your ears, drowning out the flicker of uncertainty vibrating from your head to your toes. “They found a plane.”

You didn't even answer him. Your heart began to pound wildly, cornered, ready to have your head bitten off. The tension in your shoulders intensified, with the involuntary movement of your hands as you broke into a cold sweat. The mere implication of his words caused an emptiness in your stomach, a sense of longing and fear you hadn't felt before.

You looked at Fury, trying to find in his gaze the gleam of a lie, but there was nothing there but assurance. There was nothing but recognition and understanding in his gaze, but that didn't make the emptiness in your stomach and the tight chest go away. It didn't make the feeling of being outside your body go away.

You barely remembered to move in the direction of the door, the agents instantly moving out of your way, pushing it so hard that one of them flew out. You moved your eyes around every corner of the room, the cream-colored walls generating a great repulsion in you. And there, in the midst of all the confusion and the storm, a confused and disgruntled face looked back at you. A face you never thought you would see again.

Steve Rogers was standing a few feet away from you, barely comprehending what was happening around him and instantly recognizing you. Your chest compressed once again, the tears you held back for so many years even in your loneliness making their own way into your eyes, endangering to end that mask you wore everywhere you went.

Steve was actually there, looking back at you with his eyes shining in recognition. You didn't know if he was as surprised as you were to react or you looked so bad that he didn't know if he should approach you or not. You just knew it was him, it really was him right there in front of you. He wasn't dead. Steve wasn't dead. He was alive. Ah, he was so alive.

The broken sob that suddenly left you was loud enough to make your friend shed his stupefaction and stride over to where you were. You barely managed to cover your face, between sobs, wails and disbelief, feeling your knees give out, surrendering to the weight of the pain, when his strong arms grabbed your shoulders before you hit the floor. Preventing your fall, as you had wished so many times before.

You cried against his shoulder, when feeling him against your body you knew there was no doubt it was true. You moved your hands away from your face, wrapping them around his waist as tightly and lovingly as you hadn't hugged anyone in so long. Surely the last time you hugged someone like that was when you saw Peggy on your way back from Europe.

Steve wasn't far behind, his arms around your shoulders just as tightly, his chin against the crown of your head, moving from side to side trying to hold back the loud sobs that shook your body.

You couldn't believe it, but it was true, he was right in front of you.

Steve was alive. He had come back to your side. You didn't even want to ask why.

And there was nothing else you could think about for the rest of your life.

[sithfox]

for wip game - i’m so very intrigued by the rebellion era quinfox 👁️

Rebellion-era QuinFox my beloved <3 I wrote this one because I saw a few different Fox&Leia fics and fell in love with their dynamic. Our premise is that Bail and Breha took in the remnants of the Guard when the clones were phased out of the army, de-chipped them, and hired them on as Leia's personal guards. Fox is with Leia on the Tantive IV when she's captured, which means he gets to meet Luke "Short for a Stormtrooper" Skywalker and immediately ask the universe what he did to deserve Skywalker v2 in his life.

When Mon Mothma gets a report that one of their suspected-Jedi operatives has been captured, she sends Fox to recover them and surprise! It's Quinlan.

"You knew him before?"

Fox almost laughs. Knew him? It was such a trite way to describe what Quinlan had been to him. But there was no way for Leia to know that, was there? Even on Alderaan, they had only spoken of the Jedi in whispers. To openly discuss Quinlan would've invited the Emperor's retribution, and no one wanted that, not when Leia was so small and vulnerable. So he and the other Corries had held an annual vigil deep in the forest to beg the stars to care for their lost Jedi and otherwise pretended he'd never existed. When Kenobi had mentioned Quinlan helping on the path, Fox had just about sobbed in relief. "Yeah." He swallows down the almost hysterical laugh that tries to escape him. "Yeah. He—I knew him."

Leia's smart. Her eyes cut from Quin's face, his golden qukuuf, back to Fox, who she knows for a fact has a hidden tattoo in the same exact shade. She puts it together in a single breath, expression clearing with understanding. "Oh. You were—?"

"Yes." He runs his thumb gently across Quin's knuckles. "We were."

[wowa-bublord]

Mentally lying on my bed and kicking my feet like a schoolgirl while joyously waiting for more Zack and Cloud sketchies ❤️ In your AU is Cloud completely conscious and aware when he first breaks out of his coma? Or is there a sort of in-between zone for awhile? If there is, is Zack overjoyed or worried out of his mind (or both)? Does Cloud struggle with allowing somebody to take care of him?

Sending you virtual hugs should you want them or a crisp and respectful nod of the head if not!

IM SORRY this ask only just showed up in my inbox but it says it's from march 24th?? tumblr killing me with daggers,,,, This is going to be a long one sorry!! I'll explain the stages of his coma first, and then the stages of waking up from it.

In the beginning, while they are on the run, Cloud is in.. something close to a catatonic state. He can perform basic instincts, such as blinking, swallowing, the small stumble-steps he's shown doing in gameplay, and making small noises. In my au/headcanon, this is because of the Mako keeping his body up and functioning in spite of his intense poisoning. Because of the Mako, his muscles also don't atrophy during this period. He has no memories from this era at all.

After this, a little before the battalion but mostly after, his body begins to heal from his Mako poisoning. Which is good. but the lack of the access Mako leaves his body with far less functions. He begins to lose the ability to eat, becomes unable to even stumble, his eyes shut and don't open again. He falls into a full comatose state. Which, although it is very scary for Zack, and takes a lot more work and medical equipment, is actually a good sign for his healing. Fighting off mako poisoning this far is already rare.

(In this segment, he is kept fed and hydrated through his IV, but he switches to an NG tube after he wakes up, due to the inconvenience of the IV and continued difficulty swallowing.)

His first signs of waking up were a few weeks before he opened his eyes. He began responding to stimuli, ears flicking at noises, hands tensing, eyes occasionally opening but not for long. It's at this stage that he also starts having nightmares, and becomes more aware of his environment. He has blurry memories from this era, but in the moment he was mostly just confused and distressed, and didn't process it. this took up most of the few weeks.

After some time, he began to have more moments of consciousness and rational thought. He could start to respond to simple questions or requests such as blinking or closing his hands. He only vaguely remembers this. It lasts a few days

when he actually began to wake up, initially he was incredibly upset and confused, not being recovered enough to actually process the situation. This resulted in him lashing out, not knowing where he was and initially not recognizing zack, he struggled and tried to pull his tubes out. This was the final stage to his waking up, only lasts an hour? possibly a few hours? and he was finally fully awake after this!!

When Cloud woke up from his coma, his body was incredibly weak from being bedridden so much. His muscles had atrophied severely over the few months, which put him in a wheelchair as they worked on him recovering.

In this stage, he is mostly determined to improve again. He feels a lot of gratitude towards Zack for taking care of him so much, and a lot of frustration towards himself for not recovering faster.

his next stage was crutches, he recovered his arm strength faster than his legs. He begins to pick up on zack overworking himself, but he's unsure how to approach it, and often ends up saying the wrong thing. (He still uses an NG tube in this era, but he begins to be able to eat on his own, so he doesn't have it in for much longer)

His next stage is using a cane, which he ends up using for a long while. Even after his muscles have recovered, he maintains knee/hip pain for the rest of his life. He also has migraines and memory issues like in canon. At this stage, he begins to get frustrated with Zack more and more. He appreciates Zacks help, but feels frustrated with feeling like Zack doesn't trust him to take care of himself, and upset with how Zack prioritizes Cloud so much over himself. Due to these frustrations, he grows more confrontational. (<- comic linked is not 100% canon to this au, just an example.) Zack is overjoyed that Cloud is awake. He thought Clouds return to consciousness would help his fears and guilt ease, but for some reason he finds himself more worried than ever. He always backs off when Cloud says he wants space, but he finds himself worrying about what Cloud is doing now that he isn't able to be monitoring him all the time, and then guilty for feeling so worried.

[wewontdieunbloomed]

05.09.2024

been a while! its 4 weeks into the semester and i am have been dying already but this week is a nice break from the sport/football stuff ive had going on for the previous three weeks, and i thought id be able to get so much more work done but ive honestly just been recovering from some form of burnout/almost burnout from the previous weeks

i think im a lot less social this sem and its probably partly because of the new living arrangements and friend group structures??? but also i think im more tired this sem… i have so much to do ut i end up sleeping. time to GET INTO IT and actually study this sem its more comeback era

any suggestions for a politically significant song i can present on for class?????

been doing more french than any other class because its so mch easier to get into doing the workbook whcih are mostly bite sized chunks of the recent lesson’s content, as opposed to the pages of readings i have for my polsci classes but i do have to start working on them more… 😔😔 help

[ddrqoyote]

173 Influential SCPs

I went to SCPper, found the most upvoted articles by users who've made at least one SCP, and sorted by time. These aren't necessarily the 173 best articles on the site, but I think they're likely to be the most influential. Longtime fans have probably read most or all of these but maybe this could be a starting point for newcomers.

I think sorting by time is important because the Foundation's been around almost 17 years. Writers come and go, trends come and go, new writers are influenced by what came before, and later articles are often longer and more complex than earlier ones. Just sorting by most upvoted bounces you around time; on the main wiki you read mostly series 1 articles then get dunked into SCP-5000. I hope this is a more natural progression, and that by the end people have more context for what's going on.

Using upvotes from writers only is important because the more writers like an article, the more likely later SCPs are to be influenced by it, so those articles are more likely to be important for understanding the wiki as a whole.

I might do an alternate version of this list that replaces the extremely long articles with shorter SCPs.

If you have trouble understanding one of the articles (some of the later ones get LONG), look it up on r/SCPDeclassified. If you would prefer audio narration/explanations, The Exploring Series and TheVolgun are both excellent. And of course, make sure to look in the sidebar on the wiki for guides, lists and explanations.

SERIES IV AND LATER ARE IN REBLOGS DUE TO TUMBLR'S POST LIMIT

Series I Era

SCP-173 - The Sculpture - The Original

SCP-093 - Red Sea Object

SCP-294 - The Coffee Machine

SCP-682 - Hard-to-Destroy Reptile

SCP-055 - [unknown]

SCP-914 - The Clockworks

SCP-085 - Hand-drawn "Cassy"

SCP-184 - The Architect

SCP-231 - Special Personnel Requirements

SCP-990 - Dream Man

SCP-999 - The Tickle Monster

SCP-835 - Expunged Data Released

SCP-701 - The Hanged King's Tragedy

SCP-586 - Inscribable Object

SCP-610 - The Flesh that Hates

Log of Anomalous Items Vol I

SCP-087 - The Stairwell

SCP-049 - Plague Doctor

Revised Entry

Document Recovered from the Marianas Trench

SCP-426 - I am a Toaster

SCP-096 - The "Shy Guy"

SCP-106 - The Old Man

SCP-140 - An Incomplete Chronicle

Kill 682

SCP-001-Bright - The Factory

SCP-666-J - The Roaring Flames of Hell

SCP-895 - Camera Disruption

SCP-5308-J - The Collection

SCP-8900-EX - Sky Blue Sky

black white black white black white black white black white gray

Eldritch Application

Nobody Knows

SCP-871 - Self-Replacing Cake

SCP-001-Mann - The Spiral Path

Series II Era

SCP-1000 - Bigfoot

SCP-902 - The Final Countdown

SCP-993 - Bobble the Clown

Transcript of Dr. Clef's seminar, "Reality Benders and You: How to Survive When Existence Doesn't."

SCP-001-Swann - The Database

Bees

SCP-006-J - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

10:30 A.M.

Ethics Committee Orientation

SCP-1959 - The Lost Cosmonaut

SCP-____-J - Procrastinati

SCP-1048 - Builder Bear

SCP-001-EX-J - Records of the CKG Gathering

SCP-1893 - The Minotaur's Tale

SCP-1983 - Doorway to Nowhere

SCP-1733 - Season Opener

SCP-1230 - A Hero is Born

SCP-1322 - Glory Hole

SCP-1370 - Pesterbot

SCP-1193 - Buried Giant

SCP-1545 - Larry the Loving Llama

SCP-1981 - "RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING"

SCP-even number-J - An [Adjective] [Animal]

SCP-1867 - A Gentleman

SCP-1609 - The Remains of a Chair

SCP-1440 - The Old Man from Nowhere

SCP-1425 - Star Signals

SCP-1173 - The Islamic Republic of Eastern Samothrace

SCP-1171 - Humans Go Home

SCP-1678 - UnLondon

UIU Orientation

SCP-1437 - A Hole to Another Place

SCP-1958 - Magic Bus

Quiet Days

Why Change?

SCP-186 - To End All Wars

Treats

SCP-348 - A Gift from Dad

SCP-1295 - Meg's Diner

SCP-1342 - To the Makers of Music

SCP-1504 - Joe Schmo

The Executions of Doctor Bright

SCP-1471 - MalO ver1.0.0

The Young Man

wowwee go kill ursefl

[hopeless-eccentric]

i dont do a lot of book recs on here (i think ive done one before?) but the Henry Rios books by Michael Nava are so criminally underrated!

They're these mystery novels from the 1980s-1990s about a gay, Latino lawyer (Henry Rios, our protagonist/narrator) solving mysteries--usually while trying to prove his client's innocence. He's a long-suffering idealist written as this kind of hard-boiled detective.

This is actually something the whole series tackles, subverts, and deconstructs in a really interesting way! Instead of being this stoic detective, the archetype gets broken down in a lot of really fascinating and human ways earnestly discussing love, grief, intergenerational trauma, racism, homophobia, illness/disability, toxic masculinity, and substance abuse.

What I love is that these books realize that the hard-boiled detective is stuck in a point of hurt and trauma, and so the Henry Rios series makes a big deal out of fighting tooth and nail to GET BETTER--whatever it takes to improve yourself and your surroundings. While the books maintain a lot of the dark and morose vibe of the original genre (especially given the looming, perpetual grief of AIDS-era queer lit), they always come back to a death match against apathy. It's really moving stuff, especially as the books take this approach to Henry's recovery from alcoholism.

if you're interested in queer history, the books are in touch with queer legal/political history during the HIV/AIDS crisis. The first few books have been rewritten/published as well since Michael Nava's retirement, so I think a comparative reading could be really interesting. For the record, Nava was a civil rights lawyer, so this is all done REALLY well (not to mention the legal drama is engaging, theatrical, petty, gutting, and sometimes hilarious).

if you're interested in detective fiction, they're brilliant deconstructions of the genre. instead of taking the depressed alcoholic white guy with repressed desire for male companionship at face value, the series considers a gay Latino man struggling with machismo, racism and homophobia, intersectional identity, and processing/recovering from grief, childhood trauma, alcoholism, and Catholicism.

Stylistically, the books are smart, poetic, introspective, dark, and witty. There's a lot of suffering, but there are also a lot of intense moments of joy and catharsis that feel really earned.

Also, if you read the rewrites. uh. there's a lot of smut! Happy retirement, Mr. Nava!

[doyouremem8erme]

We all know and love Marcy Harm and Marcy Whump, but what about Marcy Recovery? Do you have any particularly heart-wrenching hurt/comfort ideas for Marcy recovering after her possesion, canon-compliant or not? Personally, I'm still obsessed with the idea of Marcy losing her memory and being taken back to Wartwood so she can recover before going back to Earth, and so that Anne and Sasha can think of what to do with her now.

i actually accidentally went down a rabbit hole of marcy memory loss fics just last night and here are a couple of my faves are better in my memory and the memory of you. i admittedly usually chicken out of memory loss even tho its such delightful angst bc i always wanna deal with the angst of her remembering everything in all its painful detail… however as far as post canon goes i REFUSE to believe marcy moves away after everything. like ill accept them being cut off from amphibia for 10 years if marcy at LEAST gets to move in with the boonchuys or something (like in this excellent postcanon series ive been reading lately).

ok i wrote all that and then had to leave the cafeteria bc one of the staff members on break was blasting tiktoks at full volume and i thought i was going to lose my mind

my fave memory loss genre with marcy is just…holes. blank spots. minor losses but still so terrifying whenever she discovers another. when i can bear to lose some angst at first i like her being unable to fully remember the possession and how horrible it was but having those return over time. the ones the core stole…not so much.

i doooo love marcy recovering in wartwood.. one of my fave genres of fic from the s3b era was marcy recovering from the whole possession thing in new wartwood after getting rescued by sasha and anne and helping plan resistance stuff while still bedridden bc theres not much else to do and she wants to help… its the perfect blend of soft sashannarcy finally reunited and happy together with them doting over marcy whos still so hurt and tired with the angst of the wartime setting and marcy not being fully recovered but still pushing herself to assist with the resistance. its so good.

[rizsu]

can you explain to me how the power system works in jjk?

( i am so sorry for this late reply ) ofc this isn't all the power systems in jjk but these are the main ones with overly simple definitions + links if u wanna do personal reading

i. cursed energy — used by cursed spirits ( eg. jogo ) and sorcerers ( eg. nanami )

it's aligned with negative emotions and used to fuel someone's ( only sorcerers and cursed spirits! ) jujutsu¹. for example:

we all know negative emotions are home to humans, however, this doesn't mean a regular human can see cursed spirits. while most humans in jjk possess cursed energy to a degree, only those whose energy's at a higher level are able to see cursed spirits ( ie. jujutsu sorcerers. )

cursed energy can "leak" from a human body & ferments until a cursed spirit manifests ( kinda like baking a cake in the oven except more complicated. ) that only happens with non-sorcerers ( regular humans basically ) — jujutsu sorcerers can control their energy + channel it into jujutsu¹.

ii. jujutsu — jujutsu sorcery, one of the key elements in jjk. it's an umbrella term that includes all sorcery-related abilities ( eg. previously mentioned cursed energy. ) aside from that, it's used as a prefix within jujutsuers: jujutsu high(school), jujutsu sorcerer, etc.

anyone with the ability to utilize jujutsu is referred to as a jujutsu sorcerer.

jujutsu's exact "age" is unknown. it's been around since curses dawned the earth.

note: you'll often see 'heian era' when reading jjk. heian era, aka golden age of jujutsu, dates back to 1,000 years ago when sukuna reigned.

iii. cursed techniques — specific abilities that activate when cursed energy is channeled ( think of the process as something similar to solving algebra but mentally. )

cursed techniques are activated by manipulating cursed energy using two key operations known as lapse and reversal + much more ( innate techniques, barriers, etc )

lapse: basic, default or neutral state of activation. when casting cursed techniques through lapse, the caster circulates their energy in a forward direction to channel it into their ability. ( it's very confusing )

reversal: produces positive energy by multiplying negative energy with negative energy ( for example using math: -3 × -2 = 6 | in math, two negatives makes a positive.) negative energy is NOT suitable for recovering but positive energy can heal physical injuries. usually it requires a very high manipulation of cursed energy so it's kinda rare.

+ a very much more in depth explanation

iv. domain expansions — an advanced barrier technique and the pinnacle of jujutsu sorcery. within a domain expansion, the user's cursed techniques are improved and are guaranteed to hit the opponent ( eg. gojo's domain expansion in season one with yuuji + jogo. )

it's achieved by expanding an innate domain with cursed energy while using a barrier to construct it inside another separate space ( like sukuna's, for example. )

the caster imbues their cursed techniques within the barrier to complete the expansion, allowing them to use their ability throughout every nook & cranny of the domain.

to trigger d.e the caster must use a specific hand sign or signal unique to them ONLY. from the outside, the barrier is closed and usually appears as a floating orb.

domains aren't indestructable.

+ more here !

here's where gojo satoru comes into play & why his existence itself is important.

jujutsu sorcerers are recruited and trained through two schools located in tokyo and kyoto. both schoold are the "pillars" of the jujutsu community alongside the headquarters. as population increases, so does the strength of curses. the only thing that's keeping the balance are the crown jewels of the gojo clan: six eyes & limitless technique.

gojo satoru's the only person in 700 years to possess both six eyes and limitless. his birth itself not only made him an important figure in jjk but also created balance between both worlds ( which also shifted the advantage from cursed spirits to jujutsu sorcerers ) — hence why he's one of the main protagonists along with itadori yuuji.

the only way to stop gojo satoru is to use the prism realm, however, it failed to stop gojo. all of this happened during the shibuya arc to the current arc, which is mainly focused on gojo vs. sukuna.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Do you think you could make a master post of all the stuff you wrote this month for easy re readability? :D

Aww, yeah, of course! :D I’ll put a link to this post in my pinned post as well (I don’t want to change my pinned post, it’s so old I’ll never find it again lol)

Lovely Prompt Event Master List!

Day 1 - Breath of the Sky Ch 15, the Champions, Destiny Duo, and Lovebirds all finally go on a road trip!

Day 2 - Imprisoning War, Link and Hemisi meet

Day 3 - Blood of the Hero, Abel eats something he really shouldn’t have and Tilieth has to save him from the ensuing delirium

Day 4 - Hero of Shadow, TotK Link and Shadow get to know each other a bit better and have a fluffy moment

Day 5 - Forsaken AU, Mystery Link & Friend versus monsters! With bonus comfort for Mystery at the end

Day 6 - LU in Healthcare, A glimpse at Legend’s ill-fated cruise, featuring Marin

Day 7 - Linked Universe, after the events of Elastic Heart the Chain arrives in Sky’s land and he gets to reunite with Groose and Zelda

Day 8 - Linked Universe, Legend angst and hurt/comfort with Twilight and Warriors

Day 9 - Linked Universe, Sleepy time for sleepy Time with family fluff/comfort

Day 10 - LU in Healthcare, aftermath of Abel’s heart attack

Day 11 - Imprisoning War, Link and Zelda have a quiet moment and Link reassures Zelda

Day 12 - Imprisoning War/Golden Mercy, Ganondorf reflects on his family and meets Hyrule Warriors Link

Day 13 - Blood of the Hero Ch 15, Abel reaches his breaking point and Tilieth saves him

Day 14 - Secrets of the Shadows, Rusl is struggling after the events of the story and goes to a friend to sort it out

Day 15 - Breath of the Wild, a younger Link is captured by the Yiga shortly after finding the Master Sword, and his dad rescues him

Day 16 - Chronicles of the Domain, little baby Link is sick in Zora’s Domain and his dad takes care of him… then Abel gets sick and his baby boy takes care of him :)

Day 17 - Linked Universe, Four fell asleep in Minish size and wakes up tucked into Twilight’s sash because Twi is a protective and sweet big brother

Day 18 - Imprisoning War, Impa comforts Link after his attempted suicide

Day 19 - Skyward Sword, middle aged Zelink fluff and family time

Day 20 - Dad Squad, Captain Link is captured by the Yiga and Abel and Rusl rescue him

Day 21 - Age of Calamity, Link and Mipha recover after the Water and Fire mission, and love confessions blurt out in their delightfully awkward fashion

Day 22 - Breath of the Wild, Link gets some quiet comfort in the early days of preparation for the Calamity

Day 23 - Twilight Princess, Mayor Bo discovers Wolf Link with Colin but Rusl’s lying skills saves everyone from a panic

Day 24 - Linked Universe, Warriors and Twilight encounter a silent realm and all the strangeness and horror within

Day 25 - Breath of the Wild, Zelda and Link bonding/comfort/fluff

Day 26 - Skyward Sword, Link comes down with pneumonia far from home and Zelda rescues him

Day 27 - LU in Healthcare, some of the boys discuss a frequent flyer

Day 28 - Linked Universe, Time finds out Malon is pregnant and Wild is suddenly insecure about losing a father figure

Day 29 - LU in Healthcare, the nurses teach Twilight how to start an IV

Day 30 - Hero of Shadow, TotK Link sees Shadow for the first time, and Shadow finally gets in a small victory

Day 31 - Golden Mercy Ch 1, After Cia’s defeat, Zelda, Link, and all of Hyrule mourn the fallen from the War of Eras, unaware of Ganondorf’s return from his imprisonment

[angellayercake]

A little photo dump from an amazing weekend!! Not only getting to finally see the ghovie but also to spend some time with one of my favourite people @da-rulah thank you for letting me stay with you 💜💜💜

Some general ghovie thoughts under the read more but no spoilers

I am seeing it again today but I feel like I am never going to recover!! It is all I ever could have imagined and more. As a fan I feel very cared about but Tobias and the whole team behind the film became it really just felt like a love letter to this whole Papa IV era which has been the first for a lot of us.

It feels like a gift to us in these not so great times because we all need those moments to find joy and happiness when when it seems like the whole world is falling apart around us and to me at least it feels like we have been given that. And that is on top of all the friends and community we have all built around our shared love of this band. It's not anything I think the casual viewer would pick up on but the more I think about it the more emotional I feel and yeah.

Just feeling very thankful and full of love for this band and this fandom 💜💜💜

[projectjasper]

Anon from the jd divorce ask from before-

YOU DONT KNOW??? its all over reddit and twitter and ive seen a number of posts here too

Here: https://www.tumblr.com/respectthepetty/767620880851451904/currently-this-thread-is-at-172-comments-and-i?source=share

Just to clarify: i dont believe it, not yet at least. Joong was in the hospital for a bit, he might not have had time to engage, it might not just be this deep. But im still recovering from EM divorce era and im never gonna recover from ON so i need to be mentally prepared.

imma be honest, i'm typically super out of the loop on anything that people are talking about cause i am scared of both twitter and reddit. i just don't go there.

that said, one thing i can attest to, from my extensive joong archen knowledge, is that he posts dramatic quotes and things aaaallllll the time. idk what happened in my man's life or if he is just naturally dramatic, but it's not really an indicator of anything.

actually, another thing i can attest to is he is very professional and clearly calculates pretty much every move he makes with consideration to how it will affect his career/image/fans/etc., so he is unlikely to set the whole damn house on fire just because there is a fight in the kitchen.

(speaking of being professional, i think some people forget that not every cp is like a pair of best friends outside of work - imagine your work friend hangs out with someone you have a complicated relationship with. yeah, that's literally a nothing situation, cause you don't have the kind of relationship to even expect them not to do that in the first place).

also like 😭 i know what that post says about reddit people always being right and i can't actually dispute it (cause like i said i am out of the loop), but i feel like people in general come up with insane rumours all the time and twice a day the broken clock is just right. let's at least wait until gmmtv2025 to see how things are going.