#ive only been in the midwest for a year

[puppy-momo-mainblog]

yawl i just murdered Oasis Springs...

[comradecowplant]

Chappell Roan's musical stylings still don't super ignite my soulfire but now having caught good luck babe & hot to go on the radio several times this week i admit the songs have grown on me quite a bit. perfectly nice fun indiepop earworms!

[got-eggs]

Fuck it, imma hit up Anthrocon next year most likely

[boyfeminism]

ive only lived in this state for a year and a half and have started to get defensive about it. why are you being mean about midwest states youve never been to huh. fuck off.

[dogesterone]

laying and bed kicking my feet dreamily cause i love my boyfriend and im gonna infodump about how much i love him

weve been dating nonstop for 8.5 years. he was my first partner ever. he asked me out via tumblr fan mail back when that was still a thing. i genuinely sometimes question if id have ever realized i was trans if i didnt have him in my life. he likes idol rhythm games and kidcore aesthetics and one piece and queer theory and midwest emo music and theatre and poetry and mixed media art and plushies and his moustache that he worked so hard to grow out and his weird haircuts that im always hesitant about but they always grow on me cause i love him and they make him happy. ive recently done a lot of introspection since we started doing a lot of ENM/polyamory stuff and i think ive realized that im honestly just a lesbian with how intensely im attracted to other trans girls but that doesnt matter in regards to my boyfriend because he was, is, and always will be such an important part of my life and makes me so happy that i can't imagine my life without him in it. his body feels so comfortable and familiar pressed up against mine in bed and even if his snoring is really loud i never go sleep in the living room. i am attracted to him in a way that transcends romance and sexuality. he calls me a dyke and a faggot and a tranny in exactly the right way to genuinely make me laugh. we have a cat together. he gave himself a christian name specifically to piss off his reddit atheist dad. i let him complain to me about his shitty coworker and his family and whatever internet discourse is bouncing around his head. his fursona's a cat. his middle name is named after a grateful dead song. he has so many keychains and charms on his car keys that you could beat someone to death with them. he likes littlebigplanet and pokemon mystery dungeon and i think he's just about the only person in the entire world who could explain the onceler fandom in a way that actually makes it sound cool. he is my prince and i am his knightess. his stepdad is japanese so he likes japanese food a lot. his favorite color is yellow.

i love him so so so so so much.

[carmenpeach]

sucks how long finishing my midwest sonic comic has taken since i was hopeful to get it done at the beginning of the year but sometimes things just dont go as planned. but ive been starting to get back into drawing and i do often think about how the next/ last chapter will go. i think one thing is that its been written in a way where something is gonna happen that i personally dont really want it to, so ive been stuck between "heres what i want these characters to do" vs "heres whats reasonably going to happen between these characters with the way its been laid out" vague on purpose for "spoiler" purposes but you know how it is. and a while ago i started outlining another sonic comic i wanna make but im not sure if i want to make such a serious story with them. ive taken a lot of detailed notes, but i think the idea is too big for what these characters can provide. i wanna make a story thats about shadow developing schizophrenia, moreso as a reflection on my experience growing up schizophrenic and the way it just increased over time. and i think i can reasonably depict episodes and delusions etc

"unreality" talk below i guess

but when i play with shadow as being schizophrenic i dont usually touch upon the like... i dont have a word for it, but the like "evil being dimension" is a concept i dont directly acknowledge to others. so ive realized i will never be able to get across the feeling of the psychosis related to that without making it a major factor of the story, and it feels too dangerous to be too upfront with it. i have some ocs that exist in a world where that is "real" and over the years whenever i tried working on it i would end up sending myself into an episode since its acknowledging it and that makes them aware of me aware of them and its just very risky. i can talk about it more now but... something feels wrong bringing it up so casually now, disrespectful in a way.

to say it like that i cant find the words. to talk about it as if its "fake" or with the idea of "its not real its just cause im insane" is so disingenuous. of "its real but its not but its real to me but not to others but its real cause i am aware of it and that makes me special in a way that is bad, but it cant get others without this special knowledge but its like a divine gift in a bad way, but its real but its not but it is but" etc etc but ive been almost enjoying talking more upfront about this concept, since i feel safer now. "but is being safe a good thing? why am i suddenly safe now? will it come back, will i feel it? just because that connection was taken, who has control?" god this is such a long winding thought that i think i could only articulate through a thick novel length of text. the way i am a different person without it, but i am still me, but "me" has always been just a fraction of myself, i am/ was more than one being, but what parts of those were myself and what parts were something else has become blurred etc. as if i was showed some horrible truth and then i am left with just the memory that slowly burns a hole in my brain and my heart. what im saying is that its a more complex thought then what im willing to do with shadow, since i never saw his schizophrenia as encompassing that idea, but more "surface level" in delusions/ hallucinations etc. so i still want to make a deeper comic story with him but it wont be able to touch upon that concept. i have some drafts drawn up of scenes and there just feels something bizarre in recreating episodes ive had but with him, since there are certain personal details that need to be taken out and that sort of takes away very important details to what makes the delusion/ hallucination so terrifying. i have a lot of thoughts on this that im not really sure how to articulate.

i think because maybe psychosis and this "dimension" concept are just too difficult to describe to others that dont understand it first hand. and i would like to be able to showcase this to others in a way that makes sense, which is unfortunately a challenge i dont think i can do properly. its not enough to just describe it, it has to be understood. i dont wanna give up on this endeavor, but i dont think shadow is the vessel that can do this, but it can be a start. i think i could do it better with my ocs i mentioned earlier, but the fantastical aspect of that story unfortunately hinders it to an extent. complex thoughts

[confessions-official]

lately, ive been looking to get my hands on some drugs. im 15 years old, almost 16. honestly, it doesnt even matter what kind. i am just so bored of everything and i want to try something new, i wanna feel like i have a place in this fucking world. i wanna try smoking weed, i want to hit a vape, i want to take LSD, i want to smoke a cigarette. i just want to try everything. i could probably get my hands on any of these drugs easily online or i can find a plug at school, but also, i dont want to end up dead in my bedroom at 4 am because i accidentally took fentanyl. i have always been very rule abiding, i do well in school, and i have a promising future ahead of me. im going to be a doctor and a novelist. i dont even know why i want this. i know that i get hooked on new things very easily, and i can just feel that if i try any of these things once, i wont want to or be able to stop. but i dont know. im just so desperate to live out the teenage experience, i guess. i only have 2 close friends. i never go out with anyone. boys dont like me. it might get a little better once i get my license in a month, but still, i dont have anyone to do anything with. and i have life360, too. i just want to be rebellious, i want to go against the grain for once, i want to feel alive. im so lonely and i want to feel more connected with other kids my age. it would be so easy to be safely rebellious if i didnt have life360. i could sneak out and just lay in a field with my friends. i could tell my family i was going to study at a friends house, but actually go to an amusement park or something. i dont know, it would just be much easier to feel like im 'rebelling' if i were able to do it in no-stakes scenarios. kids my age hate me. im very conventionally unattractive, im trans, i have unorthodox interests, blah blah blah... you get the point. i like boys but i hate them. i want to date one but none of them like me, or can even tolerate me enough to stand being in my presence. they all just laugh at me and bully me. the closest ive ever gotten to a boy liking me is when they ask me out as a joke. it makes me want to rip their stupid faces off their bodies. who would be laughing then? anyway. i live in a shitty conservative midwest town and im just so outcast in my school and i feel like im wasting my highschool years. i dont know. im just yapping a lot here. i dont even know why im submitting this. i know i come across totally lame here, and it probably comes across as super naive. or overly cautious. or reckless. im not really sure. i am very naive, but im also a super anxious person so i tend to expect the worst from everything, including this.

i hope you all are having a nice day

 

[cedar-glade]

A hairy star chickweed with multiple flowers and stems with cauline petiolate foliage arises out of a choss pocket with rich mesic mineral soil.

An ode’ to Stellaria spp. a brand new group of interest to me.

I want to talk about this I do, These are from last year, here we have a case of me learning that I was just accepting these as just starry chickweed and realizing that I never learned to ID past that point.  This is S. pubera but, why and how, usually I associate this plant with mesic woods only but in truth we see “it” as a complex everywhere, there are only a few legit Identifiers for this. These won’t show you good examples of this issue of ID or the complex but I took plenty of photos this year that I haven't uploaded on my cpu yet. The S. pubera complex seems to revolve more around site, height, morphology, and range restrictions, the flowers are the same in the complex and tend to be large, the issue with some minor distinctions are clumping populations with multiple stems and single stems individuals with one flower only per plant, the leafs tend to either be cauline entirely sessile or having lower petioles that are cauline with almost near clasping sessile leaves t’word the top. The interesting thing is I can still make a claim that it is S. pubera and not S. corei due to a few minor differences, It definitely helps to have a well backed range map too but these are somewhat incomplete due to mis-ID and un-updated herbarium specimens.

Two key characters Ive focused on are length of sepals being much longer on Core’s and the petals being almost fully dissected down to it’s attachment point.

Its more clear to see this S. pubera, the sepals are not longer than the petals and you can clearly see the 5 dissected petals that are bifidate instead of core’s which really looks like 10 petals at first glance. So, with that said, I can only ID these when they are in bloom. Most Key texts/ flora’s are also only up to par with this ID limit. 

Stellaria corei, Tenessee chickweed, a cool species for sure now that I know it correlates with ecotone in many cases.

Stellaria corei, an interesting common name for something who’s core is the Ohio River Valley, Its one of those common gripes you learn to deal with because you have to accept a described from location as common name instead of just calling it Core’s starweed or chickweed. Ecotone rich mesic alkaline hill to dry alkaline species. Really a generalist but does occur more often in these specific woodland ecotones.

Stellaria fontinalis, I literally went to TN and was at Mays prairie, I was distracted and I feel really dumb too many distracting endemics imo, At the same time, I was very distracted by snowy orchids, blue rattlesnake master, 10 species of st. johns worts, Silphium mohrii and many other cool species. This is a wet karst species that I managed to overlook :/ learned about it this year, rather 2 months ago in prep with plant walks.

Stellaria pubera, starry as a complex, common chickweed, Coastal, Great Plains, Pacific, Atlantic, Upper Midwest, Rocky, and Mesic, SIngle flowered sessile, Cauline petioled multiflower are still all deciding factors.

Stellaria longifolia, narrow long leaf species, might as well look like it should be angustifolia or longifolia or linaris would of also been good names for it. 

[remix-of-your-guts]

i cannot even lie i'm so stoked about kamala picking tim waltz like holy shit there could not be a more perfect choice for courting the white working + middle class especially in the rust belt. and the fact that you just KNOW every establishment democrat was saying she had absolutely no choice but to pick shapiro (conservative zionist scum), but she went with a strong progressive who grew up on a fucking farm in the midwest, was a public schoolteacher for years, was able to go to college thanks to the GI bill (just like me!! :D), and named his daughter hope because she was conceived with IVF. especially when contrasted with fucking jd vance who wrote an entire book shitting on working folks in appalachia. that line in his big speech recently where he said "like all regular people i grew up with in the heartland, jd studied at yale, had his career funded by silicon valley billionaires, then wrote a bestseller trashing that community (appalachia)." ‼️‼️‼️ LIKE IM SCREAMING HE FUCKING WIPED THE FLOOR WITH THAT BITCH. idk it's been a long time since ive seen any politician above the local level that actually feels like someone who understands rural/suburban working america.

in terms of foreign policy im sure he'll mostly stick with party lines, though in minnesota he has a huge muslim and somali constituency that he's worked very hard to listen to, being one of the rare dems to speak to the council on american islamic relations, and directly acknowledging the 20% uncommitted vote in the primaries in his state (and he's not shapiro 🔥🔥). there's also a lot of rightful critique of him for deploying the national guard against blm protesters in 2020, but at the same time he's been ruthlessly attacked by conservatives because he did hesitate to deploy the national guard and only did so once the cops started escalating the protests to legitimately dangerous and violent levels, and iirc he did actually implement police reform bills.

anyways midwesterners i love yall you deserve this W

[foultastemusic]

EP Review - Here, Hear. IV – La Dispute (2024)

This EP was the best gift that 2024 could give me, and we're still only in March. A game between the traumas in the stories recounted in La Dispute's first "great" albums - Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair (2008) and Wildlife (2011) - revolutionary for the experimental world of midwest emo, post-hardcore and the underground community in general, and the latest works of art that are most listened to and reflected on, which tell us through the details of everyday life, feelings, landscapes and images open to the listener's imagination - Rooms of the House (2014) and Panorama (2019) - when recitation becomes part of the post-hardcore trends.

Despite the pained voice and the contrasts that create the perfect synthesis of the guitars and bass, the rhythmic coherence of the drums and the literary personality of the band that has always been faithful to us from the beginning until today, elements that have created the "brand image", I notice that these geniuses of emo music don't mind experimenting with new electronics, the absence of screams and distortions, love, new ways of saying things. The fact that we can't catalog and put aesthetic labels on certain artists, because they are constantly metamorphosing and contradicting themselves with the genres given by fans and record companies, certain types of festivals and events, algorithms of streaming platforms, etc., is a proof that the post-hardcore of these bands that continue to record over the years is maturing as a movement. And this EP has made me reflect on my generation, which adapts to trends by not adapting to it at all. Perhaps silences and improbable harmonic resolutions are the oxygen pump for artists and listeners of music created in a studio as if it’s a laboratory.

Here, Hear. is a collection of four volumes, the first of which was released in 2008, the band's big bang year. In the four volumes, we can see that La Dispute exploded at the beginning and took their own advantage of the sounds in a very genuine, pure and direct way, unashamed to use unconventional instruments such as pianos, maracas and “folklorized” melodies - always recognizable on a timbral level, anyway - but it was in this last one, sixteen years later, that we see the band flourish, not in an explosive way as before, but always pure and honest. They reinforce simplicity and the timeless stories. Sixteen, the fourth song on the EP, and one that had been released before on Spotify, marks a new life of La Dispute: it reminds me of the walks I had to school when I was fourteen and of my first crush had dedicated the song Such Small Hands (2008) to me in anonymity; of the song Woman (In the Mirror) (2014) when I was always at home trying to discover my own way of (always hidden) teenage happiness. Today I've discovered how happy I can be and that the nostalgia for the sadness, heartbreak and melancholy that went on in the corners of my neighborhood while I listened to La Dispute's entire discography for most of the years I lived there is part of it. We were sad listening to sad music, and happiness, today, is based on that. This single, according to my empirical experience and to the community of fans writing online as well, reminds us of those nostalgic times.

And the group's aesthetic minimalism continues. Not just in the music, but in the band's overall image. And I'm enjoying watching it. The lyrics and stories increasingly make sense, since the instrumental part of the EP makes them prevail. In the song Reformation, which concludes the EP in a mode of ecstatic tranquillity, we have a beautiful guitar that harps along with Jordan Dreyer's unsung and unshouted voice. Just like that. Everything that the music of sensitive people needed to offer about the art of growing up and noticing life's little symbols, even when you drink your coffee in the morning before facing the life of an adult who is emotionally trapped by the years that have passed.

«You awake at 3AM to the soft voice of her dream, saying

"These are the people who said that you like him would never die

Until you do and you will and I will too

Just like this, baby, but longer, forever

And there's nothing past that door, I know it"

Before she drifts back to sleep where you can't now and it's okay

Peace be with you»

Reformation, La Dispute (2024)

[whileiamdying]

Ryan O’Neal, Who Became a Star With ‘Love Story,’ Dies at 82

He was a familiar face in movies and on TV before his breakout performance opposite Ali MacGraw in the 1970 blockbuster. But it was overshadowed by years of personal problems.

Ryan O’Neal’s performance opposite Ali MacGraw in the hit 1970 movie “Love Story” made him an instant star. Credit...Silver Screen Collection/Getty Images

By Aljean Harmetz

Dec. 8, 2023

Ryan O’Neal, who became an instant movie star in the hit film “Love Story,” the highest-grossing movie of 1970, but who was later known as much for his personal life and health problems as for his acting in his later career, died on Friday. He was 82.

His son Patrick O’Neal confirmed the death in a post on Instagram. It did not give the cause or say where he died.

Mr. O’Neal was a familiar face on both big and small screens for a half-century. But he was never as famous as he was in the immediate aftermath of “Love Story.”

He was 29 years old and had spent a decade on television but had made only two other movies when he was chosen to star in Arthur Hiller’s sentimental romance, written by Erich Segal (who turned his screenplay into a best-selling novel). His performance as Oliver Barrett IV, a wealthy, golden-haired Harvard hockey player married to a dying woman played by Ali MacGraw, garnered him the only Academy Award nomination of his career.

He had played the town rich boy, Rodney Harrington, for five years on the prime-time soap opera “Peyton Place.” But in 1970 Hollywood was not that interested in television actors, and he had been far from the first choice to star in “Love Story.”

“Jon Voight turned the part down. Beau Bridges was supposed to do it,” he told a reporter in 1971. “When my name came up through Ali, they all said ‘No.’ Ali said, ‘Please meet him.’”

“So we met in one of those conference rooms where everybody sits half a mile away from everybody else,” he continued. “Weeks later, they asked me to test. Then I didn’t hear anything until they finally called and said, ‘Will you give us an extension of a week to make up our minds?’”

In the end, Ms. MacGraw persuaded Paramount to cast Mr. O’Neal. He was hired for $25,000 (a little more than $200,000 in today’s currency), and his movie career was ignited.

Before he became a movie star, Mr. O’Neal played the town rich boy, Rodney Harrington, for five years on the prime-time soap opera “Peyton Place.” Credit...Bettmann/Getty Image

It never burned quite as brightly again, although he maintained a high profile throughout the 1970s, appearing in films like “Barry Lyndon” (1975), Stanley Kubrick’s elegantly photographed adaptation of William Makepeace Thackeray’s novel about a poor 18th-century Irish boy who rises into English society and then falls from those heights; and “A Bridge Too Far” (1977), Richard Attenborough’s epic tale of World War II heroism.

He also demonstrated his knack for comedy in three films directed by Peter Bogdanovich. He co-starred with Barbra Streisand in “What’s Up, Doc?” (1972), a screwball comedy inspired by the 1938 Cary Grant-Katharine Hepburn movie “Bringing Up Baby”; with Burt Reynolds in “Nickelodeon” (1976), a valentine to the early days of moviemaking based on the reminiscences of Raoul Walsh and other directors; and, with his 9-year-old daughter, Tatum, in the best known of the three films he made with Mr. Bogdanovich, “Paper Moon” (1973).

In “Paper Moon,” set in the Midwest during the Depression, Mr. O’Neal played a small-time swindler hornswoggled by a cigarette-smoking orphan who just might be his illegitimate daughter. Tatum O’Neal won an Academy Award for that performance — she remains the youngest person ever to win one of the four acting Oscars — and for a while it appeared that Mr. O’Neal would become the patriarch of an acting dynasty.

When Tatum starred as a Little League pitcher in “The Bad News Bears” (1976), she became the highest-paid child star in history, with a salary of $350,000 (the equivalent of about $1.9 million today) and a percentage of the net profits. Her younger brother Griffin seemed poised for stardom as well when it was announced that he would appear with his father in Franco Zeffirelli’s 1979 remake of “The Champ,” the 1931 tear-jerker about a washed-up former boxer and his son.

Mr. O’Neal’s Oscar-winning co-star in Peter Bogdanovich's period comedy “Paper Moon” (1973) was Tatum O’Neal, his daughter. Credit...Everett Collection

But Mr. Zeffirelli ended up making the film with Jon Voight and Ricky Schroder instead, and Griffin O’Neal’s career never got off the ground. He did have one starring role, in the 1982 film “The Escape Artist,” but that film was not a success. When he was next in the public eye, five years later, it was not for his acting but for his involvement in a boating accident that killed his friend Gian-Carlo Coppola, the son of the director Francis Ford Coppola. He was convicted of negligent operation of a boat but acquitted of manslaughter.

The O’Neal family would go on to have many more problems with the law, with drugs and with one another.

Mr. O’Neal, who was well known in Hollywood for his temper — when he was 18, he spent 51 days in jail for a brawl at a New Year’s Eve party — was charged with assaulting his son Griffin in 2007. Those charges were dropped, but a year later he and Redmond O’Neal, his son with the actress Farrah Fawcett, were arrested on a drug charge. He pleaded guilty and was ordered to undergo counseling, while Redmond entered rehabilitation but continued to struggle with addiction.

Tatum O’Neal had her own highly publicized drug problems and was estranged for many years from her father, who she said physically abused her when she was a child.

Mr. O’Neal’s fame was beginning to slip by 1978, when Paramount offered him $3 million to star in “Oliver’s Story,” a sequel to “Love Story.” He accepted, even though his distaste for the project was clear.

“There’s something cheap about sequels,” he told a reporter, “and this one’s a complete rip-off.” When the movie was released, the critics agreed.

Mr. O’Neal with Farrah Fawcett in 1981. They began their highly publicized on-again, off-again relationship when she was still married to the actor Lee Majors. Credit...Steve Sands/Associated Press

His days as an A-list star were soon over, although he continued to work steadily in the 1980s and ’90s. His more memorable movies in this period included “Partners” (1982), in which he played a heterosexual police detective who goes under cover with a gay partner, played by John Hurt; “Irreconcilable Differences” (1984), as a successful Hollywood director whose 10-year-old daughter, played by Drew Barrymore, sues him for divorce; and “Tough Guys Don’t Dance” (1987), a crime drama written and directed by Norman Mailer. He also co-starred with Ms. Fawcett in the short-lived 1991 television series “Good Sports.”

Most of Mr. O’Neal’s later work was on television, including a recurring role on the series “Bones.”

Patrick Ryan O’Neal was born in Los Angeles on April 20, 1941, the elder son of Charles O’Neal, a screenwriter, and Patricia Callaghan O’Neal, an actress. At 17 he joined his nomadic parents in Germany and got his first taste of show business as a stunt man on the television series “Tales of the Vikings.”

He never took an acting lesson, but his striking good looks, as well as the anger that seemed to boil just below the surface, helped win him roles on television not long after he returned to Los Angeles.

Mr. O’Neal in 2015. The last major role he played, four years earlier, was himself, on the reality show “Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals.” Credit...Ryan Stone for The New York Times

His marriages to the actresses Joanna Moore and Leigh Taylor-Young ended in divorce. Ms. Taylor-Young, his co-star on “Peyton Place,” told an interviewer that their marriage never recovered from the success of “Love Story,” which she said brought “a type of life which is not suitable for Ryan’s personality.”

Mr. O’Neal was romantically linked with many actresses, but it was his on-again, off-again relationship with Ms. Fawcett, which began when she was still married to the actor Lee Majors, that garnered the most attention. The couple never married but were together for almost 20 years before they separated in 1997. They later reconciled and were living together when Ms. Fawcett died of cancer in 2009. In 2012 he published a book about their relationship, “Both of Us: My Life With Farrah.”

Mr. O’Neal’s survivors include his daughter and a son, Patrick, a sportscaster. Complete information on survivors was not immediately available.

In 2012, Mr. O’Neal revealed that he was being treated for prostate cancer. That diagnosis came 11 years after he contracted chronic myelogenous leukemia, which eventually went into remission.

The last major role Mr. O’Neal played was himself. In the summer of 2011, he and his daughter starred in a reality show, “Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals,” on Oprah Winfrey’s cable channel, OWN. The series left the impression that the two had ended their long estrangement, but Mr. O’Neal later told an interviewer that it painted a false picture.

“We’re further apart now than we were when we started the show,” he said.

Peter Keepnews and Orlando Mayorquin contributed reporting.

[mihai-florescu]

I could see you as Anne Boleyn honestly that's pretty fitting. I wish I could've done musicals at my high school but they always did ones I was not at all familiar with and they basically only gave the main roles to the top 2 year groups. The one time I actually auditioned for Rock of Ages I got a character that literally wasn't even mentioned in the script and that pissed me off because I literally chose drama as my one of main subject for exams so I dropped it like a week later. It didn't help my friend got a lead role and never acknowledged me the entire time on the day we got our roles announced. I didn't mean to rant but honestly I'd love to do acting and stuff more if it didn't involve the stress of not getting a role you want.

That sounds shitty, im sorry, and your friend ignoring you is ://// my school back home didnt have extracurriculars and when i moved to the US...well...they also didnt have much. Just sports (and i have stories about that too...) and they were trying really hard to revive the theatre program but.......the school had less than 80 students. In rural midwest. No one was interested in theatre... it was baaad. But the fact that they chose the tumblr popular musical bmc... i cannot stress how funny it was but i dont want to doxx too much about the school. All im gonna say is they had tried deh the year prior but didnt have the proper rights to perform it💀 weird ass unreal time in my life, i refused to believe it was real at the time and looking back i still think i was in a bizarre truman show situation or perhaps a social experiment i failed. The school's name was also incredibly funny in this context but youre just gonna have to imagine it.

Anyway. So i cant say i have actual drama experience either. I cant stress how many things ive done in life just because i thought theyd be funny, but also because funny situations show themselves to me. Or i do things out of spite. I dont even think i can sing, personally. But thats not something you can say after you told everyone you performed for the president of your country earlier that year (which was true, there are still photos of us together. I could write a novel about that day because so much happened. But i also dont know how i got there. At all times i could turn to an imaginary camera, record freeze, and say "you're probably wondering how i got here" because honestly i was wondering too).

What im trying to say is highschool is fun because literally nothing matters so you can do anything, even with a small role or bad card youve been dealt im sure you can always steal the show👍if you ever decide to take drama class again^_^

[readychilledwine]

Hi! You seem so nice and super sweet. I have some questions to know you! You remind me of a big sister, oh my god something about you is so comforting. :) Anyways, I live in California but I've only lived here for around 7 months. You mentioned before you love coming here, but can I have some places that would be nice to go on vacation? I feel super cooped up in my apartment and want to have a fun time outdoors or something. Thank you! <3

That's seriously so sweet and made me tear up a little bit! Thank you ❤️

We've spent a lot of time in a few different spots in CA, so hopefully, I mention one location near you! The obvious to all of this is beach and book. We are two beach bums when we can be, but I'll hit a few of the cities we've stayed at!

Oceanside is our go to. We like the location, due to military relations so its kind of the perfect spot for us because ✨️family✨️ If you are near that area, the beach at night is so quiet and perfect if you love seashell hunting. Oceanside also has street food/fair events, several cute metaphysical shops, and a few really good restaurants. One of them is a rooftop/desktop outdoor situation, it overlooks the docking area there, and at sunset is stunning.

In the San Diego area, I love going to Balboa Park. There's several gardens that are cheap or free to go to. During November to December, one of them is filled with gorgeous variations of poinsettias. There's also a ton of museums there, cultural houses to peep at, and gorgeous architecture. There's also a shopping area that's cute for giggles to just walk around. It's called Seaport Village. They used to have a shop just FILLED with coffee mugs. I loved it 😅

Heading north a little bit to LA where my partner is from. He grew up near skid row and has pretty vivid nightmares still about his kidhood there, so we tend to avoid the downtown area. When we do go, he always takes me to The Last Bookstore (some of you may recognize the name, it is the one you're thinking), it is just an experience. They sell antique books, collector's editions, and rare first editions along with new books. They have MAGICAL displays made from books. Griffith Park is also very beautiful with lots of things to go to. I'm a fan of anywhere with a botanic and butterfly garden 😅 and that brings me to our favorite spot in LA (minus the beach and hiking in Griffith Park) The Huntington Library. It's a library, botanic garden, and art museum all in one. It is 100% for me and not for him. He loves me dearly, and I am spoiled. There's obviously a lot of other things to do in LA (Disney, Orlando studios, ect), but we've been waiting to explore and experience those things until we had Littles to enjoy them with.

Popping between LA and San Fran is Sequoia National Park. If you are going to go and have never been, plan for a few days. It's... almost like breathtaking how small you realize you really are there.

San Francisco is kind of just... I wish I could describe it as something other than home feeling, considering I'm a midwest farm girl, but it has this magical home calling. We have a main thing we really like to do, and it's a little pricy (but not as pricy as the next location ive been treated to). He loves to see Alcatraz. 😅 he's obsessed. Otherwise it is a LOT of hiking and just trying new food places there. I just really love the vibes there for some reason.

Napa Valley I consider its own place, and it holds the most special place in my heart. He took me there for my 25th birthday. It is pricy, but wine country is so just relaxing. We stayed at this hotel, and we literally just walked out of our rooms patio door and into the vineyard. Im not 100% sure how much our week there was, but he told me not to expect anything for Christmas or valentines that year 😅

If you want really hot and in land Cali, my brothers and baby daddy went to Death Valley for a few days. They started the trip there, then went to Vegas (youngest brother's 21st birthday). My older brother said it was unbelievably hot (literally duh my sweet summer child), but he said the 4 days the 3 of them were there was a lot of fun. They did a lot of trail hiking and drank a lot of water. They all do not regret the choice to check it out. I was not invited on the boys' trip, so I didn't get to go 😑 I'm not salty AT ALL I didn't plan the trip for them or anything 🤣

If you're looking to get out of California, Colorado. Find your soul in Colorado. I highly recommend Georgetown. Not too far from Denver, not so high up in the mountains you have to anxious about snowfall and getting trapped, and I'll just attach the view from the hike into the mountains we went on.

I will push Colorado to anyone needing to get away and get into nature if it is in their budget ❤️ I've never found a town in Colorado I didn't think was stunning.

If you want to stay on the West Coast, Oregon. We went to Crater Lake National Park. One word, Ethereal. A little busy, but so so worth it.

No matter where you go, if you're getting into nature and needing to re-center your soul, find a creek with running water and just put your hands or feet in it, or get into the ocean (to where you're comfortable) and just let yourself have a moment of silence. Water is purifying and healing. It's one of the most powerful elements in our world, and it is where I find the strongest connection to Mother Nature ❤️

Let me know if you want more travel spots!

[choose-your--own-adventure]

ive been super busy so i havent been able to do any Rhea propaganda in time for the polls, but i have time now and she still deserves to have her gospel spread for the future:

loves midwest emo/screamo music

5'8" / 172 cm tall

63 years old and still can only barely drive a car

she owns a knife and she WILL USE IT

fuckin moron

drinks blood but in a gay way

smokes and drinks and plays with fire cause shes immortal

needs to be put in her place tbh

she has a big black coat. i repeat GOTH VAMP WOMAN WITH BIG BLACK COAT!!!

& and so much more for when i have more time...

!!! Explodes

[chiimaera]

IT FELT LIKE THE HOURS WERE DRAGGING ON. she had always been able to fall into her work, let her tunnel vision take over and everything else seemed to fade into the background. that was until she had stupidly fallen in love. it was a mistake on her part, really. something that edward had seemed to enjoy reminding her whenever he had a chance. she fucking missed @withoutawar​ like he had simply kept a piece of her with him and there hadnt been a day that she didnt notice. edward had an undercover identity, one that had a girlfriend in new mexico who waited for his return doing whatever job it was he peddled to her. he had trained her, taught her everything she knew back when she was young and still raising zombies for the st. louis police chief. he was a sociopath, deadly and unfeeling—also her closest friend. so when he called her to fly overseas to help him with a job, she didnt hesitate. 

almost a month later, she was beginning to wish she had. the job wasnt blessed by SHIELD or the government, this was a favor to a man who still worked in the underbelly of society. which meant she had to cut ties with the outside world until the job was finished. it was easy for edward, his fake girlfriend ate up whatever he told her. steve wasnt some midwest housewife who sold pottery. she told him the bare minimum using their coded language, hinting that she was going off grid for business. as far as SHIELD knew, she was on bereavement in mexico and wouldnt be answering her phone.  “ ive never seen you so focused on a plane before. you only clawed my hand once, ” the blonde man teased. anita shot him an annoyed glance before looking back out of the taxi window. she felt nervous which was fucking stupid but there was no other way to describe it. she wasnt sure why her skin felt too tight, why she wanted to bounce her leg up and down. she felt completely unsettled, anxious. she had be in love before but it never felt like this. like she had been holding her breath for weeks and finally felt so close to oxygen that she couldnt sit still.  “ shut up. ” “ you act like your wonder boy wont be there, ” he commented, looking over his sunglasses with a serious stare and a smirk. protective, worried but masked with humor. thats how he operated. an outwardly serious edward means someone is dying. the necromancer didnt say a word, keeping her gaze at the passing trees. “ anita, hes going to be there. ” “ i know. ” he wasnt convinced. neither was she. by the time the taxi had made it to their apartment, she was felt like she was going to be that stupid woman in the movies who run to see their sweeties. she wasnt going to do that. anita grabbed her duffel off the ground in front of her, finally looking back at her friend. “ get out of new york, i dont want you causing any trouble, ” she warned with a smirk. the mercenary only laughed. “ only if i get caught. give wonder boy a kiss for me. ” right, moment of truth. she rolled her eyes, swallowing down her nerves and the joke when she closed the taxi door. fear of abandonment, thats what her therapist called it. her mother, her father, her ex-fiancé, pretty much eighty percent of the men shes dated. there would always be the traitorous voice in her head that whispered years of insecurity into her ear. reminding her that her job, her lifestyle, her magic, her avoidant attachment style ( thank you dr. lee for that wonderful revelation ) is what made everyone leave. after all the conversations theyve had, the trust they built, there was still a part of her that feared that this was be what broke it. leaving with little notice and a coded voicemail for a little over a month, no communication allowed— this would be the last straw. fuck. her heart was sinking her into stomach as she stepped off the elevator. each step forward felt like she was walking into her own demise. thats what love was, wasnt it? using your own knife to cut yourself open then hand it to someone and hope they dont finish the job. she needed to get back to therapy. when she finally stood at the door, she pulled her keys from her jacket pocket, putting them into the door. the dread was setting in. did he move out? was he just going to cut and run when he got the chance? did bucky know? her mind didnt get farther than that, she barely got to turn the deadbolt before it was push open along with the other bottom lock. her apartment door swung open, steve standing there with a look on his face she didnt think shes ever seen before. it was hard to describe and it left her staring with her eyes wide. all those negative thoughts completely vanished, replaced with a warming sensation her chest and a little confusion. “ steve— ” two steps and his hands were grasping her head, his mouth found hers and it felt like home. the smell of his cologne, the feel of his hands, the taste of him on her tongue, the familiarity of his energy that surrounded her. she wanted to drown in it. her duffel bag had been long dropped. her hands grasped his shirt, pulling herself as close as she could without disrupting the way she licked into his mouth, kissing him like it was her last. hell, she hadnt even had the chance to kiss him goodbye. this was way too much kissing for her hallway.  some semblance of self control edged its way into the lovey dovey brain fog, allowing anita to pull back, pressing her forehead against his. there was a hundred things she wanted to say, most of them funny. yet she looked up at him, remembering how scared she was before. how silly it was to even think that steve rogers wouldnt still be exactly where he said he was always going to be. with her.  “ i love you, ” she mumbled with such raw sincerity that it was hard to believe that came out of her mouth. it was enough to make her face warm, burning pink to the tips of her ears. fuck, she was a goner.

a smooch for anita because we miss her <3

[noendsonlymeans]

i just have some thoughts to dump .

i first heard of wednesday a few years ago and "fate is..." was definitely in my top 5 most listened to songs on spotify in 2021 or 22. i didnt know til recent that mj lenderman was a member and didnt know til like yesterday that they might be even better (to me!!!!!).

my first full listen to their live album they put out in later 2023 was yesterday and it changed things for me. embarrassingly enough i only took interest in tyler childers a few months ago. after this neocountry ( i know thats not what its actually called ) awakening within me ive been on a quest to find a good country sounding band that fused with my other genres of interest well. like better than pinegrove well. a honky tonk shoegaze project would be an incredible thing to stumble on, though no im not sure how its going to work with time keeping and all that whatever, no ones proven to make it happen since. but mj is the closest i have ever gotten.

about halfway through the album, i was able to identify something about mjl's familiar vocal... cadence? and place it with neil young. from referencing dylan, john daly, rodeo clowns, michael jordan, tom brady, jack nicholson, jackass, and rust on a grill left in the rain, american citizenship and our often borderline-unbelievable and ever-entertaining popular culture in the digital age help define mjl's sound, especially on this combination of previous releases. from ethel introducing gen z coastals to dale sr. to realtree camo being in casual rotation in an urbanites closet for work or dive hopping, americas "middle" aesthetics are becoming more recognized and thus more commodified. as someone raised in the rural midwest to now residing in the urban midwest, the sudden "trendiness" of articles of clothing or topics of conversation that used to embarrass you if your dad sported either in public, is both affirming and maddening. if you have ever been to a meat raffle, if the deer and fishing openers were treated like holidays in your hometown, or if youve ever resided at a residence within 1 mile of a "trump store", then you know there is a certain valor that comes with it. it wasnt pleasant. it wasnt comfortable. but it was something you did, you survived, and you still probably feel like home there. im getting incredibly off topic and wil probably revisit this concept in a seperate manor........

anyways all that above is to be said because i need you all to know that i do recognize the sin i am committing in this next statement which is to refer mjl's voice with noneother than ontarian neil young. their tenor-ish ranges, along with each of their tendencies to undermix in favor of a raw, though mjl isnt pushing any major life lessons or reflecting on their 20s in any of this album (yet).

knockin, the second track, is where i officially got hooked. i love bob dylan. i love obscure interpolations used within songs. but the only other artist to reference a lyric as common as "knocking on heavens door" that comes to mind IMMEDIATELY is lana, and mjl did it complete justice. on similar note, rudolph was able to become a highlight for me for, once again, a dylan interpolation.

screaming "you are very girl to me!" doesnt have the same affect as passively referring to a love gone as simply "a sunday", but mjl's lyrics immediately reminded me of a few childers lyrics. i cant help but think these asheville guys are childers fans due to the addition of the cover of 'long black veil'. yeah sure its a classic country!, but mjl's lyricism suggests to me that this is more of a reference to a reference, of course referring to "jersey giant" (ORIGINALLY BY TYLER CHILDERS).

dunno how to wrap these. i was just so so impressed with this album and happy i finally bit the bullet and took the internets suggestion to give them a chance.

8.5/10, id like to listen to their discog and hear the studio versions of each song as well.