Tumgik
#ive known these things for ages now
elisedonut · 2 months
Text
fuck i'm actually going to end up enjoying Sevpercy huh
maybe in a picky I like them when they are in my head or when I do it kind of way
or in a time travel way because when it comes to Snape I like his teenage self a lot more than his adult self
#percy weasley#Severus Snape#Sevpercy#i remember reading a post about how snape works really well with characters that fall into a mother hen role and that is something#that i think about with Percy alot so now im kinda 👀 maybe#i just kind of assumed i didn't like it because i didn't care for alot of the fics id come across with them#so they might just fall into the same category as like TomPercy where I'm just super extra ultra picky about them#Percy accidently changing history without meaning too by getting close to snape leading to snape never telling Voldemort about the prophesy#that would be funny#because i don't think its openly known that its snape that tells him so its like#Percy had done a few things to hopefully help things and now is waiting for the time to come and its just not coming???#it's now December?? why are the Potters still alive?? not like he wants them not to be but it's like necessary isn't it for Voldemort to fa#he doesn't even know what he even did to change it#which was becoming a Lily replacement for Sev without even meaning to#this is such a weird concept like my brain is thinking Percy goes back post war maybe an accident maybe on purpose#but like its not a he's in a younger body now fic#we are talking reversed age gap here#Maybe his intention was like to go back and try to get close to the Evans (because it would be easier then getting close to the Potters)#and while he succeeds at it he ends up seeing how horrible Severus had it as a kid and now keeps giving him food and being nice to him#ooh random what if in a time travel scenario#you don't age until you reach the day you went back#Ive never seen that but it could be really neat imo#Percy just being stuck at like 25 while everyone ages around him until 2001#like imortality-lite#point is ive turned sevpercy into another 'caretaker' turned lover later in life ship because im weak to it and a little bit of a weirdo#again i blame the fact i have daddy issues and have a secret wish to be taken care of#poor Sevs just got a thing for Redheads that are nice to him
6 notes · View notes
Text
hang on are cougars like panthers
#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM#dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires#you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no#i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay#and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself#like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter#actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well#idk how letter grades work tbh#also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check#bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table#but i also think a lot went over my head#even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words#also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too#now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot#like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that#bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh#but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger#just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all#like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they#depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for#centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO#like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much#at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human#in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover#sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho#anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*
3 notes · View notes
rururaragaga · 5 months
Text
one tiem i got bored n drew my friends avi lol
Tumblr media
4 notes · View notes
obnoxiousarcade · 3 months
Text
I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
2 notes · View notes
me: we GOTTA do this assignment it's due in two days
brain:
brain: how about we write a short story from the perspective of the person committing suicide
12 notes · View notes
fisherfurbearer · 2 years
Note
Hey! I hope you don't mind the message - I just wanted to say, your tags made me cry. I'm so happy that our makin silly lil creatures over here could mean something to you all these years later. You absolutely can do what you want, and make a living at it, and more people need to hear that. Everyone in our lives told us we couldn't - we were just too stubborn to listen. I sincerely thank you, I'm going to look at these tags anytime I feel discouraged, and I hope we can make you a monster one day. <3
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I didn't see this originally and finally checked my inbox and saw this.
Now I'm feeling teary eyed ... I genuinely think it was artists like you both, Melissa Curphy (@missmonstermel), and Allison Theus (@crispyfishsticks) who showed me at a young age you CAN make awesome monsters and be wonderfully successful and HAPPY doing so.
I'm not joking at all when I say I found your DeviantArt over 10 years ago and it stuck with me ever since. I've kept up with Homemade Horrors since then on multiple platforms. It was always a dream of mine to have a custom monster made by you both, and now that I have an actual career position (transgender healthcare, which still doesn't feel real! That this is happening and it's Real!!) I may be able to afford that someday. ❤️
For reference this is the post and tags and if you like the looks of this gorgeous creature you should DEFINITELY give them a follow!!!!! Homemade Horrors are AMAZING and everything Worms and Bones make together is always so full of love and creativity.
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
Note
Forgive Me I cannot stick to one topic to save my life (NODDING HARD AND AGREEING BECAUSE YOU PUT IT PERFECTLY IT'S JUST THAT MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK </3) but I made myself emo thinking about AraSawa noticing each other's gray hairs for the first time... that's it Send Ask
Actually wait, I wanted to share this screenshot. Somehow I'd always thought Tsutsumi wasn't graying yet, but I guess it only makes sense... he was Jo's exact age at the time, so this is probably how Jo's hair "should've" looked. Unfortunately Yokoyama is salt-and-pepper-phobic because he thinks it looks "too normal"😔
Tumblr media
maybe jo was just so stressed 24/7 his hair speedran the greying stage and just became Full Grey the second he hit 50 ☠️☠️
but PLEASE i know arakawa'd be the first one to notice and WOULD make a joke along the lines of jo frowning all the time or like. This Is What Happens When You Don't Take Holidays 😭☠️
3 notes · View notes
Text
Also as for any original overarching narratives...I sure have Thoughts about that too. But uh. Not willing to be that cring out of the gate–
2 notes · View notes
lowqualitycleric · 2 years
Text
.
0 notes
joelmillermylove · 24 days
Text
Where we belong Pt.1
Joel Miller x f!reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Summary: Your older best friend Joel Miller finally confesses his love for you. Warning: just a bunch of fluff, age gap. Word count: 849. A/N: Hi babes! This is my first fanfic so go easy on me, Iv been working on this for weeks so I hope you like it and sorry in advance for any miss spellings and for the shortness! Much love 🤍
Part two →
It’s late at night in your living room. The only light comes from the flickering TV screen as an old, familiar movie plays. Joel in his late 40s and you in your mid 20s, you’ve been best friends for a few years now. You and Joel are sitting close on the couch, surrounded by the warmth and comfort of years of friendship. The remnants of popcorn and empty glasses are scattered on the coffee table. The room is quiet except for the movie’s dialogue, but there’s a palpable tension building between you.
As the movie plays, you feel Joel shift beside you. His arm, which had been resting casually along the back of the couch, slowly lowers until it’s draped around your shoulders. It’s a small, almost unconscious movement, but it makes your heart race. You can smell his Cologne, notes of citrus, leather and woodsy musk; it’s intoxicating. You lean into him, your head finding a comfortable spot against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat is soothing, but it also makes you more aware of how close you are to him.
Neither of you says anything for a while, both pretending to focus on the movie, but your thoughts are elsewhere—on the warmth of his body, the way his hand gently rubs your arm, and the unspoken connection that’s always been there. The movie reaches a particularly tender scene, you feel Joel’s hand still on your arm. You look up at him, and he’s already gazing down at you, his expression soft but serious.
“Joel?” you whisper, your voice barely audible.
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he lifts his other hand, hesitantly brushing a strand of hair away from your face. The touch is gentle, almost reverent, and it sends a shiver down your spine. “I’ve been thinking,” he says quietly, his voice deep and rough, yet filled with something you can’t quite place. “About us.”
You blink, caught off guard by the sudden shift in his tone. “What do you mean?”
Joel takes a deep breath, as if gathering his courage. “We’ve known each other for so long. You’re… you’re my best friend. But lately, I’ve been feeling things I can’t ignore anymore. Things I’ve tried to push aside because I didn’t want to mess up what we have.”
Your heart pounds as he pauses, his eyes searching yours for any sign of what you might be feeling. “The truth is… I’ve always cared about you, more than just as a friend. And I’ve tried to keep it to myself, but it’s gettin’ harder and harder, especially when we’re like this.”
His hand cups your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin in a way that makes your breath catch. “I love you,” he finally says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, and I just… I needed you to know.” The world seems to stop as his words sink in. He’s watching you closely, as if bracing himself for your reaction, his own emotions laid bare.
For a moment, all you can do is stare at him, his words echoing in your mind. You see the vulnerability in his eyes, a side of Joel he doesn’t often show. Your heart swells, and suddenly everything makes sense—the lingering touches, the way he always looked out for you, the moments when it felt like there was something more between you, You were in love with him.
“I… I love you too, Joel,” you finally say, your voice trembling with the weight of your own emotions. “I didn’t want to admit it because I was scared of losing you, of ruining what we have. But I’ve been in love with you for so long.”
Relief floods Joel’s face as he exhales, like he’s been holding his breath this entire time. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear that,” he murmurs, his thumb tracing your cheek.
Before you can say anything more, Joel leans in, hesitating for just a fraction of a second as if giving you the chance to pull away. But you don’t. You close the distance between you, your lips meeting his in a soft, tentative kiss. It’s gentle at first, both of you savoring the moment, the feeling of finally crossing that line you’ve danced around for so long.
The kiss deepens as Joel pulls you closer, his hand sliding from your cheek to the back of your neck, holding you as if he’s afraid to let go. There’s a sense of rightness, of everything falling into place, and you realize that this is where you were always meant to be—with him.
When you finally pull back, both of you are breathless, but there’s a new lightness in the air, the unspoken tension finally gone. Joel rests his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your lips. “I don’t ever want to lose you,” he says softly.
“You won’t,” you promise, smiling through the tears that have started to form. “We’ll figure this out, together.”
Joel nods, his hand still gently holding the back of your neck. “Together,” he agrees, sealing the promise with another kiss, one filled with all the love and devotion you’ve both kept hidden for so long.
As the night goes on, the movie forgotten, you and Joel stay wrapped up in each other, talking about everything and nothing, exploring this new dynamic between you. It feels natural, like the most obvious next step in your relationship, and you know that no matter what challenges lie ahead, you’ll face them side by side.
436 notes · View notes
palant1r · 5 months
Text
thinking about how shuro was laios's first friend on the island even though he'd already met marcille by that point. thinking about how marcille and chilchuck and namari are unapologetically blunt and unafraid to be HatersTM, in contrast to shuro who comes from a very nonconfontational culture. thinking about how shuro's unwillingness to be direct made him resent laios and made true friendship between them impossible. thinking about how chilchuck and marcille are quick to tell laios when they think hes being obnoxious, never hiding their true feelings about what he says. how even senshi tells laois when hes being Not Normal.
it often comes across as mean.
but
thinking about when i was young and couldn't stand any hint that people were annoyed at me, so i latched onto the people who wouldn't turn me away — but i never felt close to them. thinking about now, when my closest friends are those i trust to set boundaries and be honest, to say the things i can't infer. but that's a place i could only reach once i knew i was worthy of being loved.
and ive known people like shuro. and i find his depiction so refreshing — there are no true villains in dungeon meshi. that's just how it is, a clash of how clues are interpreted, and that makes it hurt so much more. to be resented not because someone else is an unambiguous jerk, but because there is something about you that is simply incompatible with others if you're not met halfway.
thinking about how chilchuck and senshi and marcille care about laios so deeply. thinking about how he still wont let himself trust that they do, that they would go back into the dungeon for him.
thinking about how they never abandon him or resent him.
deep down, shuro's hidden secret when it comes to laios is that he resents him.
but marcille's is that she's terrified of losing him and the others as he ages. chilchuck's is that he doesn't want them all to die. senshi's is that he wants to look after laios and the others like he was looked after and is terrified he can't do it properly.
im having many thoughts.
626 notes · View notes
flowerandblood · 2 months
Text
Paradise Fruit (1)
[ Kingdom of Heaven • King Baldwin x female ]
[ warnings: watching each other masturbate, soft, poetic smut, a detailed description of the deadly disease and the unpleasant symptoms associated with it ]
Tumblr media
[ description: After being treated by King Saladin's physicians, King Baldwin begins to leave his chambers. The people of the court whisper around her that the young ruler will not even live to be thirty years old. As a lady of waiting of his sister, she attracts his attention. ]
Author's Note: I said it and I did it: I know this isn't your typical Ewan Mitchell character, but I couldn't resist. I'm glad I wrote this because I had too many thoughts after watching this movie and now my soul is at peace! For those who haven't seen Kingdom of Heaven, I highly recommend it, it's an amazing production.
Word count: 3.900
Part 2 – White Marriage
* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *
My other works: Masterlist
_____
Jerusalem seemed to her at once a paradise and a hell on earth, both beautiful, sublimely sacred, as much as broken, dirty and cruel. The reign of King Baldwin IV was a reign of restraint and peace, the greatest evidence of which was his rich diplomatic correspondence with King Saladin himself.
Baldwin gave permission for the Muslim part of Jerusalem to hold prayers as it wished, on payment of appropriate taxes – a huge step towards reconciling the city's disparate population and a cause of contention among the Christian knights.
As lady of the court, she accompanied the royal sister, Sibylla, like her shadow, serving her with conversation, reading books in her company, being the equivalent of her friend and confidante, watching over her welfare.
She was the third daughter, and was therefore a burden to her lord father, who sent her to Jerusalem to the royal court when she was thirteen. Her father hoped that Sibylla herself would find her a suitable husband and put up the coins for her dowry, allowing her family to glory on the Old Continent in the fact that her chosen one was favoured by the God in the Holy Land.
Looking at Princess Sibylla's marriage, she prayed that she would never meet her fate, preferring to eventually fade into old age in a monastery.
Her Lady abhorred her husband: not in a physical context, for he was not unlike other great knights in stature or appearance, but in his heart, which was filled with the lust for power.
Although he believed that he was acting in the name of Christ on the Earth, he represented neither his mercy nor his prudence, being a simply unkind and spiteful man.
Sibylla was given in marriage to him at the age of 15, and she watched her sufferings and humiliations in silence, only being able to allow herself occasionally to close her hand on hers, giving her encouragement.
It was known that her husband's dream was the death of the King, for it would then be his wife who would become heir to the throne. Someone might laugh at this wish, knowing that King Baldwin was only 16 years old when she arrived at court.
However, despite such a young age, it was known that the King would probably not live to see his thirtieth year.
The cruel disease that had descended upon his body when he was still a young child, leprosy, was the reason why his whole body was covered, and his face was adorned with a beautiful silver mask – the only thing visible through it were his eyes, bright and wise, the skin around his eyelids all red.
His sister despaired at his undeserved suffering, at the thought that his body was falling apart, his skin peeling and pulling away from his muscles, causing him excruciating pain. He could not touch anyone or be touched directly because his disease was contagious.
Thus, one of the greatest rulers of Jerusalem, a man who had accomplished the impossible and ushered, at least for a while, the Kingdom of Heaven into this forbidden holy land, suffered daily torment.
As she prayed for the health of her family and his sister, she also prayed for him – since Christ was able to miraculously cure lepers, as the Bible itself said, perhaps there was hope for him too.
As a sign of respect and friendship, the Muslim King Saladin sent a retinue of his best physicians to relieve the King of his pain, which must have helped at least to some extent, for although she had previously only seen him in audience standing by his sister's side, now the King began to walk through the palace gardens on his own.
One day, when Sibylla noticed him standing next to one of the monks, she approached him immediately, praising his name, and she moved humbly to follow her, feeling grateful at the thought that the King was indeed feeling better.
That perhaps her prayers had been answered.
"Brother. It rejoices me to see you in the fresh air, away from the suffocating comfort of your chambers full of books and parchments." Sibylla said, pulling her shawl from her mouth, revealing her face to her brother.
As a married woman, she covered her face out of sheer decency, as her husband was a jealous man, but she, as a maiden, in addition almost always being in the presence of her Lady, did not have to do so.
"Your judgement is too harsh, dear sister. Books and parchments are my solace in the hardest of times." He said calmly and lazily, effortlessly – it was the first time she had heard his voice this close and she thought the words coming out of his mouth were like humming.
He had a white linen cloth draped over his head that reminded her of the headgear of the pharaohs, a richly embroidered white robe and gloves on his body, a silver mask portraying the features of a handsome, masculine man on his face.
She swallowed hard as his gaze shifted to her, catching her looking shamelessly at her ruler's face, causing her to lower her head immediately.
"Let's take a walk. We should take advantage of the beautiful weather." Said his sister, wanting to take his arm, he however moved away immediately and shook his head.
Pain and sadness crossed Sibylla's face, but after a moment she only nodded and forced herself to smile, walking ahead with him, letting her and the King's servant walk a few steps behind them.
That evening, for the first time, the King summoned her.
"Do not fret." Sibylla said. "My brother is a man of decency and sensitivity. Rest assured, he will not set upon your virtue or force you to do things unworthy of a lady. He confessed to me that he would like to look at your face for at least a moment longer and asked me to convey his wish to you, indicating that you may refuse."
She looked at her in disbelief, feeling the blush of embarrassment appear on her cheeks at her words, feeling her heart begin to pound like mad.
"If it is the will of our beloved King, I will do so." She said, and Sibylla nodded, giving her one satisfied smile.
She wore her most beautiful robe and hair adornments as if she were about to attend a nuptials – the material cast over her body was blue, fastened at the shoulders and waist with golden buckles, in her hair at the sides jewellery resembling a wreath of laurel leaves.
As she entered his chamber, candles burned all around, she was also struck by the intense scent of lavender – she noticed immediately his white, seated figure bent over thick tomes. His head turned towards her, in his mask she was able to see the reflection of everything around him.
"Do not be afraid. Come closer." He said softly and she nodded, feeling her heart flutter in her chest like a bird.
Her footsteps on the stone floor echoed through his chamber, the rustling of her robe as she sat down opposite him made her sound similar to the rustling of leaves.
She swallowed hard as she watched him sigh and spread out comfortably in his chair, looking her straight in the eye – she immediately looked away, unaccustomed to such confidentiality with anyone.
"No." He said. "Don't deny me this pleasure."
She tightened her fingers on the material of her garment, lifting her gaze to him again, feeling herself involuntarily begin to breathe through her mouth.
She could see the calm and curiosity in his eyes – his head was tilted slightly to one side, as if he was thinking about something, silence all around him.
"I'm making you uncomfortable." He concluded.
She shook her head quickly, horrified, thinking that something in her posture or gaze had discouraged him.
"No, Your Grace. I just don't know how to behave. What is appropriate for me to do or say in your presence. Silence is safe." She confessed in shame, lowering her eyes to her fingers again, reminding herself after a moment that she should not do so.
The King hummed at her words.
"Do not take my words as my attempt to mock you, however, knowing how little time I have left in this wretched world has made me tread lightly in courtly etiquette." He said with amusement, not taking his eyes off her, something flashed in his gaze as if someone had lit a candle inside them.
"We waste time feigning care and respect, hiding what is true, arising from the depths of our hearts, because that is what etiquette demands of us. When we stand before God, will we say to him: I have never really loved or sympathised, but my lips have left many beautiful, great words?" He asked, and she looked at him in disbelief, completely surprised by his approach and what she had heard.
Some part of her knew he was right.
"In this world, only the King can afford to lack beautiful words." She muttered, hearing after a moment that something akin to a chuckle had left his lips.
"You are mistaken. One word from the King can either create or destroy."
She lowered her head, wondering if he had just rebuked her, he, however, seemed satisfied.
"My reign will end with my death, which will be in a few years at the latest. I will not beget an heir to whom I can pass on my philosophy of ruling, the values that are essential. My sister's husband and his greed will sit on the throne, and Jerusalem will fall." He said calmly, as if he were telling her about the weather, his fingers clad in a white silk glove tapping rhythmically against the table top.
She swallowed hard, feeling a squeeze in her heart, wondering if perhaps the reason he had summoned her was quite different from what she had suspected.
"What shall I do, my King?" She asked, and he laughed again, louder this time, looking at her as if something in her question gave him pleasure.
"Your devotion rejoices my heart. Do not think, however, that you will hear from me an order that would condemn you to eternal damnation. I could not then leave this world in peace. No. I wish that when I disappear, someone will watch over my sister. To help her escape when all is lost here, no matter what her husband will desire. Do you understand what I have in mind?" He asked softly, and she nodded, thinking she felt more respect towards him than ever.
"Yes, my King." She replied.
He smiled at her words, she saw it in his gaze. She lifted her gaze higher, towards the windows by which the shoots of dried lavender hung, surrounding them with a pleasant, refreshing scent.
"I had these beautiful flowers brought in from far away. They mask well the unpleasant ailments of my illness on hot days. The smell of rotting flesh is one of the most disgusting to man, for nature equates it with spoiled food from which he can die." He explained, and she looked at him in disbelief, feeling hot shame ripple through her body at his words.
His suffering must have been unimaginable.
"Knights praise their own greatness and bravery during battles wishing for songs to be sung about them. I, for one, hope to hear songs about Baldwin IV, a wise and prudent King, a merciful Monarch who fought each day with his own suffering and triumphed. I do not know the words that can convey my admiration for your person." She mouthed in a trembling voice, feeling that her hands lying on her thighs were quivering all over with emotion, burning tears for some reason squeezed under her eyelids.
The King looked at her for a long moment in silence, something in his gaze that made her feel a pleasant tingling in her fingertips.
"Your soul is as beautiful as your body. You are like a breath of cool wind on a hot day. I am grateful to you for allowing me to experience this joy."
As she left his chamber, for some reason she burst out crying.
She could not understand why: it seemed to her that her heart squeezed all over in pain, not only out of compassion, but also out of a sense of injustice that a man so great and enlightened was experiencing undeserved torment every day.
Or was it through his ordeal that he became such a man, such a King?
If the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven were to open before anyone in the second life, it was before him, she thought.
That night she could not sleep: she was ashamed of herself for thinking about him. She tried not to pay attention to men, knowing their nature, knowing that they might consider it an invitation on her part to sin.
However, the time she spent with him, although she might perceive his words as ambiguous, seemed to her something almost spiritual, a moment of awakening, as if she had been in a half-sleep until the moment she looked into his eyes.
His gaze would find her in the audience among the other servants and ladies of the court. She knew this because his eyes stopped on her face, and although he listened intently to what his subjects were saying to him, she knew that for that one moment he was focused only on her.
The flutter of her heart shamed her, allowing her to realise that, like a flower, a warm and pleasant feeling was blossoming within her, coming from God.
"You occupy my brother's thoughts. He follows you with his eyes." Said Sibylla as they walked together through the corridors of the great, cold stone fortress.
"It was not my desire to distract him from the affairs of the Kingdom." She confessed with shame, entwining her fingers on her womb, looking sadly at her fingers. His sister snorted at her words.
"Jerusalem is destroying him. It is the Kingdom that is his disease. He has taken upon himself all its sins, purified it. He gave it years of peace and dignity." She said with a pain from which she felt a sting in her heart.
Why was it that whenever she thought of him she wanted to cry?
"I want to relieve him." She said finally, looking at her uncertainly, afraid of how the words sounded when they left her mouth. Sibylla stopped, looking at her with furrowed brows.
"Don't be a fool. My brother will not condemn you to a fate similar to his own."
"There are many ways to experience relief. You said so yourself, Princess."
Sibylla looked at her thoughtfully and after a moment nodded, giving her wordless consent to whatever she wished to do.
The trust she had in her intimidated her.
As the siblings' chambers were next to each other, walking along the corridor from one quarters to the other was not a problem for her – Sibylla dismissed her guards so that no one could see in what negligee she went to the king's chamber.
Her long hair was loose, her body covered only by a thin nightgown, rubbed with fragrant oils, on her shoulders a cashmere shawl with which she covered herself to protect herself from the cold.
When she closed the door behind her and turned to face him, his eyes were wide in shock. He was silent for a moment, clearly not knowing what to say.
"No." He said finally. "Go back to your chamber."
"I have not come to you to sin. Does the sight of me disgust you, my King?" She asked in a trembling voice, feeling that she was breathing heavily through her mouth, her heart pounding like mad in her chest.
She saw something in his gaze that looked like he felt pain, his figure creased slightly, as if he had run out of strength.
"God created you to subject me to the ultimate trial. He is torturing me like Job."
She felt a single, warm, heavy tear run down her cheek at his words, her body trembling all over, hot and cold at the same time with desire, though she did not know what kind or what was causing it.
"God sent me to soothe your suffering." She whispered.
They looked at each other like that for a long moment that lasted an eternity, and only after a while did she realise that his silence was due to the fact that he wanted whatever she was going to do to be due to her free will. Therefore, she moved tentatively towards his bed, on which she saw a clean, snow-white sheets, and lay down on her back, putting her shawl aside.
She looked up at him – his gaze was fixed on her, his silhouette sitting in a chair by the window frozen in stillness, the whiteness of his attire seeming to her to shine amidst the candles and the surrounding darkness of the night.
She swallowed hard, feeling the dryness in her throat as her fingers lifted to the ties of her nightgown – she untied the knot, a pleasant squeeze spreading between her thighs, something sticky beginning to leak from it onto the sheet beneath her buttocks.
"– does what I am doing disgust you, my King? – is it a sin? –" She asked, sliding the thin material off her shoulders in a gentle, soft motion, unashamedly revealing her plump, sweet breasts. His gaze fled to them, as if what he had just seen simultaneously terrified and excited him.
"– looking at you, all I feel is desire – it's me sinning in my mind, not you –" He whispered so that she barely heard him, his hand sliding from the table top to his thigh.
Though she knew it was wrong, her whole body screamed, wanting him to touch her, to check for himself how soft and warm her flesh was, her moist, swollen womanhood, pulsing around nothing in desire.
"– not just you, Your Grace –" She muttered in a trembling voice, shamefully mimicking his movements, her long, small fingers sliding down her belly between her thighs, sinking into her warm folds like the moist flesh of an exotic fruit.
His head bowed as they both made a strange, unnatural sound full of surprise at the same moment, a moan as if they had caused each other pain, but yet all she could feel was a wonderful, hot tingling in her quivering womanhood, in her lips, in her nipples, in the tips of her fingertips.
He did not allow her to look at what he was touching under the material of his robe, she could however see the shape of that part of his body outlined on the material – his manhood was long and fat like a piece of stick, growing larger and larger with each squeeze of his hand.
She threw her head back, imagining feeling something that big inside her, in an involuntary reflex finding with her fingertips her puffy slit, slick and tight, resisting her as she tried to slide it inside her.
"– let me see –" He whispered, as if asking for something dirty, disgusting, repulsive.
She, however, felt only the heat of pleasure at his words shake her body – her thighs involuntarily parted, her legs bent at the knees allowing her nightgown to shamelessly reveal all that only her husband should be able to look at.
She felt tears under her eyelids at the thought of wanting to be his wife.
"– you have my love, my King – you have my heart –" She breathed out, digging her fingers deeper into the delicate structure of her folds, teasing again and again the small bud from which her body went through shivers of wonderful, familiar pleasure.
His eyes were fixed on what was between her thighs, his gaze hazy and hot, his breath heavy, the sound of his hand smacking against his flesh sticky and lewd.
"– like the inside of a ripe fruit – like Eve in paradise –" He breathed out, staring at her as if he were looking at something delightful, accelerating the splats of his hand with a low grunt of pleasure. "– so beautiful –"
She felt a thrill of pleasure shake her, shivers ran through her cheeks, breasts and legs at his words, so shameless and yet poetic, beautiful, like the Song of Songs of King David.
"– her breasts are like two fawns –" She hummed, quoting one of the biblical verses, the gaze of her King again fixed on her face, full of fire, heavenly or infernal. "– like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies –"
"– her lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb – milk and honey are under her tongue –" He whispered in reply, quoting another of the songs from the manuscript, making her involuntarily allow her own fingers to invade her insides at last.
She threw her head back with a girlish moan, her free hand gripping the frame of his bed, rolling her hips back and forth, stretching her tight interior with the sticky clicks of her wetness.
"– she is a spring enclosed – a sealed fountain –" He muttered and let out a low, helpless groan of relief, leaning down, his hand lying on the table top clenched into a fist.
She felt a wonderful convulsion shake her body at his words, her fleshy, moist walls beginning to throb and clench around her own fingers.
She imagined that her body had just sucked his seed deep inside her, which would take root in her like a tree, giving him a future and an inheritance.
She moaned as she felt her pleasure reach its peak, seeing for a moment only the darkness before her eyes – her fingers, all wet with her moisture stroked for a moment more the little spot deep inside her, her whole body hot and sweaty from the exertion.
Her release was wonderful and sweet, as if she had tasted the most delicious of fruits.
She opened her eyes and met his gaze, his figure relaxed and spread out comfortably on the chair, his hand laid back on its armrest, his glove sticky with something pearly and shiny.
They breathed loudly for a while, just watching each other – she decided not to cover her body, wanting to give him that pleasure, wishing only his gaze could see her like this.
Bare.
He sighed quietly, cocking his head, his gaze satisfied, indicating that he had clearly made a decision in his heart.
"– I will marry you tomorrow at dawn –"
She blinked and raised herself up on her elbows, horrified.
"– my King – that's not –"
"– I know that this was not your intention – I also know that you will understand that it will be a white marriage, which I will declare to all and sundry – you will not lose your maidenhood – you will not bear me children – the Kingdom will treat you after my death as a saint who stood by the dying King in his misery – when I join my Father in the Heavens, you will be free to remarry –" He explained and she shook her head, feeling offended by his words.
"– I will not take another husband –"
He fell silent and swallowed hard, as if something in the certainty in which she said this moved him deeply.
"– very well – I have only one condition: you will never take off my mask – not even after my death – you will see me as I am only in the Kingdom of Heaven –"
451 notes · View notes
having actual sweet stuff for the first time in a week or so (bc ED Brain(tm) ) and I figured I'd make enough at once and have it over today and maybe tomorrow and I'm about a third of the way through it and have a horrid headache and feel rotten D:
#also very much like harming. anyway. not going to bed til nine. i am aware of there being a knife in my room.#and for now im listening to music and writing so hopefully this will calm me#not having any more of this stuff tonight#but im maybe starting to panic a wee bit idk if it's reasonable#my calorie intake has been steadily trending downhill like tonight even with this stuff being a solid 200 (mostly bc of milk) still i got#less than 1200 which isn't especially healthy#but i don't know how to stop it#even with the dietitian without other people around who will actually do smth about it i don't know how to do this#i think i *will* talk to my friend's mum maybe asap within the next couple weeks or smth if i can#bc also like. she knows the state of my heart. both from the pov of having known about the whole thing with her son earlier and from going#through similar herself at a similar age. so i can talk to her about general emotional stuff as well as the eating problems - maybe if i ge#brave id also be like o yea and talking to your son i prioritised during conference over eating so i barely ate all week - and maybe also#the suicidal/sh bit to it too. i don't know. maybe. i kinda want to tell her. ive considered confiding in her before. but i don't know#life is hard and people is hard and i just#oh you know the drill. the usual breakdown. gosh i disgust myself#tw ed#tw sh#tw suicide#personal#puddleglum hours#it sure ain't that i don't get joy out of life. just. yeah. i dunno
4 notes · View notes
bananafire11 · 3 months
Text
NEW AU TIIIME ~
I think the theories of Jax are an interesting idea for an au... so here's my take! And @cherriisodapop 's cuz she is really helping me along with this
Tumblr media
Some info ive scrambled up about him below cut !!
○ Jax is an NPC from a discontinued map dubbed "Chaos Land". He grew up there with his mom and dad, whom of which are a rubber bunny and plushy badger.
○ He's known he was an NPC since a young age. While exploring he found himself glitched beneath the map, finding the models of everyone he knows. Being a child however, he dismisses it, and grows up assuming it's normal. He hardly thought back on it anyway, much too busy with life above.
○ On an adventure where Kaufmo runs into Jax and they're glitched below the map, Kaufmo makes a comment about Jax's general disinterest in the models. Jax explains they don't matter, to which Kaufmo ends up explaining they do. This causes Jax to spiral, because now he knows the truth of the matter. He is not human, but Kaufmo and the others who came on the adventure are.
○ as an almost parallel of Pomni and Gummigoo's scene, Kaufmo suggests he come along to the circus with him. They make a plan to fake Jax's arrival as a human so Caine isn't aware that he is an NPC.
○ Kaufmo and Jax work together to fuck with coding and create a room for Jax at the very end of the hallway of dorms. It captures a very small segment of his home realm. Anyone human who nears it gets this overwhelming feeling of wrongness. He never lets anyone in.
○ he has some features left over from his home, one of which being the ability to pull small things out of thin air. Out of fear of suspicion, he pretends to pull these small objects from his overalls pocket. Another being how he does things in a very,, "wrong" way. Example being in the drawing how he's eating the banana (shame on him for that btw).... kaufmo teaches him ways to be more human, but old habits die hard.
○ he thrives on causing chaos in the circus, pranking and bullying others to get their reactions. He's curious, wanting to know how humans react to things that he finds funny or normal. Human nature and their reactions to just about anything intrigue his curiosity, though he's skilled at hiding this through snide comments and teasing.
○ after Kaufmo's abstraction, he finds himself frustrated. He believes he cannot truely experience what it is to mourn his only friend in the circus, and so he's more prone to unstable moods and outburts.
○ events are very much canon-compliant for both pilot and episode two! after that is still a WIP!
Thanks for reading >:]]
416 notes · View notes
serpentandlily · 1 year
Text
Untouchable V - Azriel x Reader
Untouchable - Azriel x Rhysand'sSister! Reader ✨
Summary: For as long as you can remember, you have always had feelings for Azriel, your court's spymaster. But after centuries of watching him pine after your own cousin, hoping he'd eventually move on, your wish came true. He moved on-with Elain, your brother's mate's middle sister. Unable to watch him fall in love with someone else again, you flee from Velaris, from him. But things are a lot more complicated than that - more complicated than you ever imagined.
Warnings: angst, suggestive situations
➻❥ Part I ➻❥ Part II ➻❥ Part III ➻❥ Part IV ➻❥ Part V
➻❥ Part VI ➻❥ Part VII ➻❥ Part VIII ➻❥ Part IX ➻❥ Part X
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
Part V
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
Azriel couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Not when she was wearing those leathers that clung to her frame, highlighting her body from head to toe. Not when she had her wings out, her beautiful, magnificent wings. 
She was so effortlessly stunning. The most beautiful female he had ever laid eyes on. He knew no one would ever come close. No one had ever quite captured his attention like she had. His own personal forbidden fruit.
Every night he thought of her as he touched himself, of what it might feel like to have her, to claim her as his. The noises he would draw out of her. How beautiful she would look with a flushed face and swollen lips. 
And every morning he thought of what it might be like to wake up with her in his arms, for her beautiful smile to be the first thing he saw every day. He wanted that more than anything, more than even sex. He just wanted her.
A large hand clamping down on his shoulder jostled him from his thoughts. Cassian stood next to him, his lips pressed into a thin line. 
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop now,” he murmured under his breath. “Rhys looks seconds away from murdering you.” 
Azriel’s eyes flashed towards his High Lord, now noticing the piercing stare directed his way. Fuck. Had he been so obvious? He needed to get a hold of himself. It had gotten harder and harder to ignore his feelings for Rhys’s sister after she had confessed to feeling the same way about him. 
His eyes went back to watching the female Illyrians go through their training exercises. That's what they were here for after all. To check on their progress. Not to ogle at the High Lord's sister in her tight, enticing leathers. 
"He acts like her godsdamn father," Azriel hissed, unable to stop himself. 
Cassian gave him a troubling look. "He practically is, Az. He had to raise her himself since she was thirteen."
"And?" Azriel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's not thirteen anymore."
"Yeah, I can tell you've noticed," Cassian bit back, crossing his own arms as he stared at his friend. Azriel felt like rolling his eyes. It was enough dealing with Rhys and his overprotective nature. He didn't need Cassian to join. 
"Oh, fuck off. I'm just pointing out how ridiculous he is when it comes to her. She's nearly three-hundred. Do you remember all the shit we got up to at that age?" 
"No, I won't fuck off," Cassian snarled, unusually serious for once. "You're walking a very fine line, brother. It doesn't matter how old she is. He will always see her as that thirteen year old girl he found covered in their own mother's blood in the snow.”
“I was there too you know,” Azriel muttered, darkly. “I was the one that found them, the one that scared off Tamlin’s father and brothers.”
Cassian’s eyes softened. “I know, Az. I know. And I know how much Rhys thanks the Mother every day for that. But we made a promise to him, remember?”
Azriel scoffed. Of course he remembered. That day would always haunt him. He hadn’t even known at the time what exactly he had been giving up. 
“What are you trying to insinuate, Cass?” He glared at his brother. He could feel his shadows getting riled up behind him—a reflection of his mood. 
“I know you, Az. And I know that look on your face. You want to get your dick wet—go find some other female to stick it in,” Cassian murmured under his breath. “Stay away from Rhys’s sister. He might love you like a brother but he won’t hesitate to rip your throat out if you touch her, if you hurt her in some way.” 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Azriel replied, his face slipping back into a cold mask, his voice flat as he stared down Cassian. 
But Cassian only shook his head at him, patted him on the shoulder, and walked away, muttering a small prayer to the Mother under his breath. 
Azriel went back to observing the Illyrian females. If Rhys was so fucking concerned about him messing with his sister, than he could excuse him from his duty as her guard. 
Besides, none of it mattered. As long as that tattoo was on his body, it didn’t matter how he felt. He couldn’t touch her. And she would never be his. 
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
Ever since that night in the study, you and Azriel had kept your interactions to the bare minimum. He was still your personal guard, which meant you couldn’t just stop seeing or talking to him while doing business in Hewn City. But the wound was still fresh, your heart was still aching, so it hurt just to be around him.
You had put off answering the Prince in hopes that Azriel would start making sense, would give up on whatever weird notion he had in his mind that he couldn’t act on his feelings for you. But he had offered you no more answers to the millions of questions you had. Had refused to even discuss it any further, so there was nothing you could do but move on. 
Which is why you and the majority of your family were in Vallahan. Rhys and Prince Cedric had exchanged some correspondence back and forth and while you weren’t accepting any marriage proposals any time soon, you weren’t completely opposed to getting to know Cedric more. 
So the Prince had invited you, your brother and a few of his courtiers to visit King’s Cross in Vallahan as his esteemed guests. Rhysand had brought along Feyre, of course, Azriel, Cassian and Nesta. Since Mor was already familiar with the faeries here, she had stayed back with Amren to run the Night Court while you guys were away.
Elain has also stayed back to watch over baby Nyx in Velaris with Nuala and Cerridwen. Some of the Valkyries had agreed to act as guards for the River House as well, to ease Rhys and Feyre’s minds. It was the first time they were leaving Nyx for longer than a day. But they didn’t want to bring him into foreign territory—especially not one across the seas. 
You had just finished getting ready for the first formal dinner here, deciding on wearing something from the Night Court instead of something in Vallahan fashion. You didn’t want the Prince getting any ideas that you had made up your mind.
The dress you put on was a dark, midnight blue. It fell to the floor, two slits on either side to show off your legs. The top was cut into a deep v and ended right below your breasts, connected to the skirt with leather straps that criss-crossed over your stomach. 
You left your hair down and opted for minimal makeup. Just the usual kohl around your eyes and a dark red lip oil. You looked at yourself one more time before stepping out of your room and into the quiet corridor. 
Azriel was already waiting for you, leaning against the wall opposite in his black Illyrian leathers. His expression was dark, his hair tousled with some pieces falling on his forehead. He looked up at you as your door closed shut behind you. You watched his eyes trail over your form, bringing some color to your cheeks.
You started making your way towards the dining chambers, Azriel following a pace behind you as your official guardian. You felt his shadows caress your thighs, cascade down to your feet. You clenched your fists in frustration.
“You cannot deny me and still try to have some claim over me,” you hissed under your breath. “Take your shadows back, Az.”
“I am your guard.” You heard his dark voice from behind you. “And they are simply helping me. It is for your protection, Princess.”
You whirled around at him with a glare. “That’s bullshit and you know it!” 
He stared at you with that cold, unfeeling face that only riled you up further. “You can think what you want, Princess. But I am only doing my job.”
You stalked towards him, pushing him back with a finger to his chest. “Send them away. Now.”
“No.”
You released a noise of frustration and pushed him against the wall. “I mean it, Azriel. I’m done playing your stupid games. Call your shadows off.”
“You’ve never had a problem with them before. Why now?” He stared down at you, unflinching. He flipped you so it was you pressed against the wall now. “It is for your safety so you will deal with it.”
“I hate you,” you growled, pounding a fist against his chest weakly. It was one of the biggest lies to ever come from your mouth but Gods, you were just so frustrated. 
Azriel leaned down, his hair brushing against your temple. “Hate me all you want, Princess. But if being your guard is the only way to keep you close to me, then I will be the best damn guard in all of Prythian so your brother has no choice but to let me stay near you. The shadows stay.” 
“You won’t have me but you won’t let me go,” you whimpered. “How is that fair, Azriel? You said you don’t want to hurt me but this…this is far worse than you rejecting me and moving on.”
“Because I can’t stay away from you,” he hissed back. “I can’t stay away from you, Princess, no matter how hard I try.” 
Your heart was pounding in your chest and you opened your mouth to shout at him, to scream and cry and demand he leave you alone but another voice cut you off.
“What’s going on over here?” 
You both froze as your brother’s voice traveled down the corridor. You turned your head to see him standing at the end of the hallway next to Feyre, his arms crossed as he stared intently at Azriel, who immediately took a step away from you. 
You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the weird tension between the two males. “My earring got caught in my hair,” you lied. “Azriel was helping me untangle it.” 
Rhysand didn’t look convinced but he finally looked at you. His face softened and he held out his free arm, the one not linked with his mate. “Come, little dove, walk with me.” 
You scurried past Azriel, not sparing him a glance, and took your brother’s arm, letting him escort you to dinner.
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
You tried to suppress your yawn but it had been another hour of being dragged around the castle by the Prince and you were so tired. He seemed happy to give you a tour, a tour you swore you had already taken the first time you were here, so you obliged him. But now you just wanted to go back to your chambers, take a nice warm bath, and go to sleep. 
Your family departed from Vallahan two days ago, after spending three days here. You had extended your trip to the end of the week by the Prince’s request. Part of you did it to spite Azriel who seemed to detest Cedric and the other, miniscule part of you was genuinely curious about the Prince. But he was turning out to be a total bore. Nice, but dull. He lacked the sort of dry wit you liked in others. He was also extremely soft—too soft. As if he had never had to fight for anything in his life. 
“Are you tired, Princess?” Cedric asked, noting your yawn. Before you could even answer the question yourself, he continued. “I only have one last area to show you. I promise I saved the best for last.”
You gave him a half-hearted smile. “Okay, lead the way.”
He extended his arm out to you and you placed your hand in the crevices of his elbow. He led you out of the library he had just been showing you back into the hallway. Azriel trailed behind you, along with one of the Prince’s personal guards, Lasos. Cedric had insisted that the pair of you didn’t need guards whilst together, but Azriel had swiftly rejected that notion and Lasos had joined after realizing that Azriel wasn’t going to let you two be alone. 
You didn’t care. If Azriel wanted to be a brooding asshole, then you would let him. You weren’t forcing him to watch Cedric court you, he was doing it all on his own. And maybe you had acted a little extra flirty with the Prince just to rub it in Azriel’s face. If he didn’t want you as his own, then he would have to watch you be with another. 
“This is the Queen’s quarters,” Cedric announced as he came to a stop in front of two large double doors. “This is where my future wife would live.”
“The Queen lives separate from the King?” you questioned as he pushed the doors open, revealing a lavish sitting area. The walls and floor were made of white marble like the rest of the castle, gold embellishments decorating the interior. 
“If she chooses to,” Cedric smiled. “This is simply a space for her to have all to her own, to use for whatever she wishes. There is a similar area in the main castle where my parents live. My mother uses it as a music room.” 
“That’s lovely,” you replied with a bow of your head. 
Cedric went to close the doors before either guard could enter, but Azriel quickly stuck a hand out and stopped him with a glare. “It is improper to be behind closed doors with an unwed female,” he growled.
You wanted to roll your eyes. Since when the hell did the Night Court ever care about that? Cedric’s eyebrows rose but he gave the shadowsinger a nod. “Of course, my apologies.”
You turned your back to them, not interested in watching them have another one of their dick measuring contests. It had been like that the whole week so far. Instead you walked towards the window on the other side of the room that overlooked the gardens. 
You nearly jumped in fright as two hands ghosted over your waist and a sudden presence was behind you. It wasn’t the first time the Prince had touched you, but it certainly was the most intimate. You had occasionally brushed hands, shared a kiss on the cheek, perhaps walked too close together, and shared some charged looks in the past couple days. 
“It’s a beautiful view, isn’t it?” Cedric asked, leaning down to whisper in your ear. 
You blushed a bit at his closeness, swallowing before answering him. “Yes, the gardens here are gorgeous.” 
“Not quite as beautiful as you, though,” Cedric whispered, moving your hair to one shoulder. Your eyes widened as he pressed a soft kiss against your neck. And then another. His lips brushed against your ear and you gasped. “Never quite as beautiful as you, Princess.”
“Prince Cedric,” you mumbled. “We are not alone.”
He twisted you in his arms until you were facing him, his bright blue eyes sparkling. “Lasos is my most trusted guard. I can assure you he won’t speak a word of our transgressions.” 
You peaked at the male in question from over Cedric’s shoulder. Lasos had already turned around, his back facing the two of you. But then you looked at Azriel to see him intently staring at you, anger in his eyes. You were reminded of a time like this only a few weeks ago. Except it had been you watching Azriel and Elain.
So when Cedric asked, “What about your guard? Do you trust him to keep your secrets?” You smiled as you continued to stare at Azriel, whose anger was morphing into rage and whispered back, “Yes.” 
And let the Prince crash his lips against yours. 
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
You hummed to yourself as you brushed your hair, sitting at the vanity in your guest room. You were surprisingly feeling a bit more light after your time with the Vallahan Prince. You two hadn’t gone any further than kissing, especially considering you were never truly alone, but it felt nice to be wanted by someone. You were a bit sad that your time here was coming to an end. 
Soon you’d be back home. Back to reality. 
You set down the brush and stared at your reflection in the mirror with a sigh. You weren’t sure what you were going to do if Azriel started up again with Elain. You had no idea if what he had told you was true because everything he had said to you that night had only confused you. In the few weeks since then, you hadn’t noticed them together but you didn’t exactly go looking for them—not wanting to see something that would further hurt you. 
He still made no sense to you. You had seen the way he looked at you, watched you, like a starved male. Seen the anger on his face every time the Prince so much as brushed his hand against yours. His behavior was just so confusing. 
You would be returning to the Night Court tomorrow after sharing one last meal with the Prince and his courtiers. You wondered if he would ask you then, about his marriage proposal. Neither of you had brought it up in the time you had been here but you hadn’t forgotten. But you didn’t want a marriage that felt like a contract. You wanted to marry someone you loved.
And you did love someone…just not the Prince. But perhaps you could.
Your eyes focused on the mirror in front of you as you noticed darkness forming in the corner of the room behind you…no, not darkness. Those were shadows. They whirled in a frenzy, spreading into your room.
And then there was Azriel, stepping out from them. His face was cut from stone, his hazel eyes darkened, his hair in disarray. But there was something different about him now…a heavy resolve in his eyes. You gasped and stood, spinning around to face him.
“Azriel, what are you doing here?” you breathed out.
He said nothing as he stormed towards you, his wings spread out behind him. Gods, he looked like a fallen angel. A creature of the night. So beautiful, but so lethal. You braced yourself against the vanity behind you. 
“Has Prince Cedric won over your heart then?” he asked, his voice as dark as his shadows. He didn’t stop until he stood right before you, so close you had to angle your head back to look at him. 
“What?” You were so confused. What was he doing in your room? Why was he asking about Cedric?
“Has the Prince won your heart, y/n?” He asked again. “It’s a simple question.”
Your eyes narrowed at his tone. “Don’t come barging into my room and act like an asshole. I don’t see why you’re so concerned about me and Cedric. It’s none of your business.”
“It is my business,” he growled. “As your guard—”
“Oh please,” you snapped. “Me and you both know you’re not asking me about this because you’re my guard.” 
“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Then as your friend—”
“Is that what we are, Azriel? Friends?” You scoffed. “I don’t think you want to be my friend.”
“Just answer the godsdamn question,” he snarled, ignoring your remark. “And for fuck’s sake, stop letting these males put their godsdamn hands all over you.” 
“No,” you bit back, poking him in the chest. “This shit needs to stop. You know how I feel about you. You know and you’re the one who says we can’t be together. So stop acting like you have some claim to me, Azriel.”
“Do you think I’m happy about that?” Azriel growled. “Do you think I’m thrilled to fucking want you all the time and not be able to have you, to claim you as mine?”
A few frustrated tears escaped down your cheeks. “I offered myself to you. I was ready to give you everything, Azriel. My heart, my body, my mind. And you are the one who rejected me.”
Azriel grabbed the sides of your face and rested his forehead against yours. He was breathing heavily. “You make this so hard when you say shit like that. Please, tell me you hate me again. Tell me you don’t want me.”
“I-I can’t,” you cried out. “Gods, I wish I didn’t. I wish I didn’t feel anything for you. Why are you doing this to me, Azriel? Why?”
His eyes shut, his forehead still resting against yours. “Because…Because you’re Rhys’s sister. I can’t…We can’t cross that line, Princess. He’ll kill me.” 
“I am not just Rhys’s sister,” you argued. “I am my own person, with my own wants, with my own dreams. That is a bullshit excuse, Azriel. Rhys will understand. I will make him.”
“You don’t understand,” he sighed. But he stepped even closer, pressing his body against yours, pinning you to the vanity behind you. His leathers were rough against your silk nightgown, and your body sang at his touch. 
“No, I don’t,” you breathed out, closing your own eyes. His scent was so intoxicating; his presence so overwhelming. You couldn’t think this close to him. Couldn’t focus on anything but your desperate need for him. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me, Azriel. To us. You said you never wanted to hurt me but can’t you see how much you are by doing this? By telling me you want me as much as I want you but denying us the chance to be together? Can’t you see how much it hurts me.”
“I don’t care anymore, Princess. I don’t care if it hurts you as much as it hurts me,” Azriel growled. “I’m done trying to be a better male. I can’t watch you be with other males, can’t watch them put their filthy hands all over you. Not when I want you as my own.” 
Your eyes blinked open, staring into the hazel ones already watching you. You could see the pain behind his own eyes, the longing, the want. They were a mirror to your own.
“So have me,” you whispered. 
You saw the break in his resolve just a second before Azriel crashed his lips into yours. Your eyes fluttered shut and you were stunned but as soon as you realized what was happening, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He moaned against your mouth, one of his hands sliding up the back of your neck into your hair as he deepened the kiss, so full of passion, so full of love. 
Butterflies erupted in your stomach, fire lit its course through your veins. Kissing Azriel was everything you had dreamed of and more. It felt perfect…it felt right. Like everything in the world had disappeared and it was just you and him. 
His hard arousal pressed into your stomach and you gasped at the feeling. He used it as an opportunity to flick his tongue into your mouth, tasting you, with a groan. His other hand slid down to your waist and to the backside of your thigh. He lifted you with one arm as if you weighed nothing and placed you on the edge of your vanity. The bottles of lip oils, the pots of kohl, all clattered to the floor as it shook under you at his ferocity. 
His hand slid back to your waist, yanking you closer to him as he pressed himself between your legs. You moaned into his kiss, electricity licking your skin. Azriel let out a growl at the noise you made, his lips pulling away to begin tracing kisses along your jaw, down your neck. You tossed your head to the side, granting him more access as one of your hands slipped into his hair.
His nose grazed the column of your neck as he took a deep inhale, soaking in the sweet smell of you. “Say it again. Tell me you want this.”
“I want this, Azriel,” you breathed out, panting. “I want you. Have me. I’m yours.” 
He let out a low growl at your words and sank his teeth into your neck, at the spot of your pulse pounding. You gasped and his lips were on yours again. He let out an almost pained grunt, slipping his hand up your nightgown to grip the soft skin of your thigh. His hard length pressed against your clothed core and sent another wave of electricity up your body. 
He groaned again, his grip on you tightening. His fingers were digging into your skin, his other fisting your hair so tightly it caused a small whimper to leave your lips. The pain and pleasure mixed together to create a feeling you wished would never end. But then Azriel grunted again, his hold on you so forceful, you couldn’t help but wince. 
He pulled away from you with a pained groan. Your eyes shot open to see the male before you grimacing in pain. Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Azriel…Azriel, what’s wrong?”
His teeth clenched, the veins in his arms protruding like he was trying to fight against something. You slid off the vanity to stand, running a soothing hand down his arm. That only seemed to make things worse and he crumbled to the floor with another grunt of pain. His hands wrapped around the backs of your thighs as he pressed his forehead against them, cursing. 
“Fuck,” he groaned in pain.
You knelt on the floor in front of him, grabbing his face with your hands. “Azriel, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” 
His hands covered your own and gently pried them off his face. 
“This…is…why,” he managed to ground out through gritted teeth, “why we can’t do this.” 
Your arms hung limp at your sides. “Azriel, I don’t understand. What’s happening?” 
He let out a painful sigh and sat back on his haunches, lifting his shirt up. You stared at him in confusion before your eyes fell to his bare chest, tracing over the Illyrian tattoos that curled around until you noticed another, smaller tattoo. Not an Illyrian one. But a…bargain tattoo?
“Azriel? Is that a bargain tattoo?” you breathed out, bewildered. He nodded in answer. “I don’t get it. Why are you showing me that?”
“Your brother,” he grunted out.
“My brother what?” Your eyes flickered back and forth between his own, trying to understand. 
“He forced us…”
He trailed off and your eyes darkened. “Forced you to what?” 
“Me and Cassian,” he finally said, hanging his head down. “Years after, when you…when you finally matured, I think your brother saw the change in how I looked at you. I think he grew suspicious of my feelings towards you…and he didn’t like that, y/n. You were still just a kid to him…you’ll always be, Princess. And he made me and Cassian promise him that we would never touch you in that way, that anytime we touched you with less than innocent intentions, we would feel the pain of a thousand blades striking down on us.”
Your mouth dropped open, your eyes falling back to the tattoo on the side of his hip. At the Illyrian wings with a blade running down the center of them. Your brother had…What the fuck had your brother done?
“Cassian agreed without any hesitation, Princess,” Azriel continued, his voice full of sadness and regret. “And I knew if I didn’t, your brother’s suspicions would prove true. I knew he’d kick me to the curb, toss me out, if I didn’t. And I thought it was just a crush, something I could get over. So I agreed. But Gods, y/n, I’ve regretted that day ever since. Because it wasn’t just a crush. My feelings for you never went away. Which is why I tried to hide them in others.”
“I-I…” you choked out, unable to form words. This was the last thing you had expected. You knew your brother was protective over you…but to make his friends form an official bargain with him. “So you can’t touch me without…without…”
“Without feeling one of the worst pains I’ve ever known. He made you untouchable, y/n. To us. To me and Cass. It's why I tried to push you away, tried to make you think I wanted others. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, what I wanted.”
“There has to be a way to undo this, Az,” you whispered. “Maybe I can convince my brother to release you from it—”
“It doesn’t work like that, Princess, you know it doesn’t,” Azriel sighed. “Besides, he would never agree. If he knew I tried to touch you like I have tonight, he would sooner stick a dagger through my heart than ever allow you to be with me.”
“I will make him see how wrong he was for doing this, Azriel,” you said with conviction. “He was probably still traumatized by what happened to me…by what those males did to me. We just need to tell him how much we want to be together, how much—”
“It wouldn’t matter, y/n, don’t you see? Your brother might be the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, but even he cannot break bargain bonds. Even The King of Hybern needed to use the cauldron to do that.”
“I won’t accept this! I can’t, Azriel. Why should we have to! We want to be together and it's not fair that we can’t!” 
“I know, Princess, I know,” Azriel grimaced. “And I’m so sorry for making that promise. I’m so sorry for dragging you into this. I should’ve left you alone. I shouldn’t have ever—”
“No, don’t say it. I refuse to believe this is it. I refuse to believe we just have to live always wanting each other and never having it. There has to be another way.” 
“He did put one condition on it, one way to break the bargain. But…”
“But what? What is it?”
Azriel looked up at you, his hazel eyes filled with such longing it made your heart ache. “If we were mates…if the mating bond ever snapped between us, or between you and Cassian, the bargain would be completed.” 
But nearly three hundred years had gone by since then and…and a mating bond had never snapped between you and Azriel. 
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
a/n: omgggg I hope this chapter didn't disappoint! But now we all know the bargain Az made with Rhys soooo it's gonna be fun to see how this all pans out ;) are they mates? or will we have to find some sneakyyyy way to be together? who knowssss ;)
Tag List: @kalulakunundrum @going-through-shit @thelov3lybookworm @tinystarfishgalaxy @cat-or-kitten @abysshaven @vhjlucky13 @polli05927 @nightcourtwritings @wicked-mind @mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @nightless @a-frog-with-a-laptop @woodland-mist @tothestarsandwhateverend @lizziesfirstwife @e-dollly @hyemishii @pricklepearbloom @whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @bookishbroadwaybish @pinkangelskies @naturakaashi @sofietargaryen @minakay @alexboshallex @amysangel @i-am-infinite @furiousbooklover @glitterypirateduck @valencia-rou @pinkcowracing @marvelpotter @kennedy-brooke @stupidwingboy @foreverrandomwritings @marvelouslovely-barnes @persephonesong @furiousbooklover @dxjaaaa @kristeristerin @naturakaashi @starlightshowdown @torchbearerkyle @emme-looou @wiseheartzombie @moonlwghts @f4iry-bell @imnotsiriusyouare @val-writesstuff @saltedcoffeescotch @toxic-nathyyy @feiwelinchen @bookslut420 @awkwardnerd @mis-lil-red @exhaustedpotat0 @wallacewillow0773638 @elle4404 @bubybubsters @planetwaynez @kemillyfreitas @furiousbooklover @naturakaashi @marina468 @justbattlecriesdear
*if you asked to be tagged but don't see your username, tumblr probably won't let me add it for some dumb reason :((
2K notes · View notes
tremendum · 5 months
Text
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:
Me and the Devil; Masterlist
Tumblr media
(not my gif)
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·: Paul Atreides x fem!Reader, minor Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!reader
↬      synopsis: After the fall of the once-great House, the lone surviving daughter of Duke Bourbon is ordered to leave her betrothal to the na-Baron Harkonnen for the heir of House Atreides.
[series warnings (read individual for extra warnings): slow burn. enemies/strangers-to-friends-to-lovers ish. arranged marriage, violence, canon divergence (aged-up characters, can be read as pre-canon), past non-con/dub-con, canon-typical references to incest/pedophilia (the Baron & Feyd-Rautha), angst, eventual smut, blood and gore, trauma, plot heavy, religious imagery, paganism]
↬       in honor of nearing 10k hits on the story, i've decided to cross-post this story from my account on AO3. Story updated first there.
↬     current story word count: 50.4k
Tumblr media
↬      prelude; ❝Paul Atreides becomes betrothed. You are ripped from your nest of darkness and shipped to a new world.❞
↬      i; ❝Destruction: The only thing you and Feyd-Rautha may have ever had in common.❞
↬      ii; ❝Paul knows whatever he is feeling, you're likely feeling a hundred times more. So, for both your sakes, he will learn to live with you, and it will start tonight.❞
↬      iii; ❝Perhaps it is not polite to admit to your betrothed that you loathed the idea of wedding them, but Paul knows the feeling is more than mutual.❞
↬      iv; ❝"We've always known what the Harkonnens are." You laugh mirthlessly, "And yet, they sent me, happily, to marry the devil. To become one."❞
↬      v; ❝Paul's breaths are as sharp as yours; both of you like wild, scared beasts being hunted by something you cannot see. Something in the back of your mind tells you that you should not be wasting your anger on each other.❞
↬      vi; ❝Now is not the time for recklessness; Paul will bide his time. With a small flicker, he casts down the side of him that wishes to see Feyd-Rautha's head on a spike.❞
↬       vii; coming soon.
.
taglist for this fic is closed. please follow @tremendumnotifs for updates.
.
568 notes · View notes